#angelica's grass

[cupidelocket]

tune into my new upload on Angelica's Grass (ASMR)... had no clue people were talking abt her on here!

[butteredtoads]

Damn I knew Angelica took a hard shift into tradcath content but to delete this many of her old videos is INSANE. Literally all of the ones I would regularly watch from her are just gone, my playlist of her videos went from like 15 to 3 😭

[queencolondarkwing]

AngelicaASMR’s current change

This post only about any info posted as of 7/25/2023 (will update in future if needed).

Ok so I’ve been following the Angelica Asmr shit pretty closely (don’t expect me to comment on gwen gwiz too because that girl is a grifter from the start). And as a mental health worker it REALLY freaks me out for her. I worked in a rehab for awhile. For people quitting drugs, but many of them also had bipolar, ptsd, schizophrenia, and similar diagnosises (some people also had the behavior due to being in crisis as well due to loss, recent homelessness, police brutality, etc.). So I know what psychotic breaks look like. I won’t armchair diagnose anything specific because I am not her medical provider, but while I can’t say she has anything for certain - she has a history of manic episodes in the past.

As someone with ADHD, a history of sexual and religious trauma, and c-ptsd like Angelica, I can honestly see how she fell into this. As someone who is also anti-capitalist, I can see why she thinks finding community would be beneficial (not sure why she would choose the Catholic Church instead of something from less individualistic, Eastern philosophy doesn’t make sense to me personally though...) to finding growth in an online era of isolation following a personal loss in her life. It seems weird how she went from talking about her Jehovahs Witness trauma from her youth...to going full on Orthodox, but I’ll get into details on why mentally this is actually super common in a minute.

I can also see how she would become a SWERF after having done OF, since as a former sex worker myself (camming, porn, fssw) who quit doing it after being raped - I can safely say that I myself am neither pro or anti sex work. I’m pro-decriminalization to keep workers safe, but also do feel a bit sick sometimes that MOST fssw on the streets are marginalized people. It is a complicated issue with nuance that non-sex workers have no business taking a side on. However, she is very hateful recently and anti-sex in general. Which is an issue.

She originally joined OnlyFans during a manic episode. So she HAS a history of mental illness and making major life decisions during mania. 

She went from pro-lgbtq to anti-lgbtq. Deleted her old progressive videos. Claimed to be a victim of MKUltra. Started making up delusions around the Catholic Church being anti-capitalist (Catholics individually can 100% be leftists, but the Church itself is VERY Capitalist). She posted homophobic and transphobic tiktoks where she would yell practically incoherently. Lots of staring. Inability to talk without looking away and laughing (she is normally a skilled actress).  Posting WAY more frequently than ever(she reposted 3 deleted videos last night and deleted them by this morning). She posted a video and lots of shorts and is way more active on Instagram. 

 The worst breakdowns I saw working rehab mostly always cycled through 4 topics: fame/self importance, inconsistent political and religious rambling, and sex. Always. Angelica has shown inconsistent spiritual beliefs (she has been mixing up Catholic, Orthodox, politics, and other religions). She has been focusing on sex in the context of trauma and posted a short of her in a bathtub on youtube again. She has been posting and immediately deleting content that has even positive comments on it.

Some medical signs of possible mania and/or psychosis that she is exhibiting:

Paranoia, trouble talking in a clear way/rambling, withdrawing socially (posting more often/online more but also alienating from her former fans), Confused speech, trailing off/lack of focus in videos, Generally disorganized way of thinking, no sign of restraint in expressing self, racing speech, goal-directed activity (seems to have a new anti-sex work goal), distractable/trails off topic, random giggling at nothing at camera like it is a person she is conversing with...etc. Tbh the amount of red flags I’ve seen are alarming.

I hope she gets support and help. And it is one reason I can’t blame her as hard as I would most, because she seems clearly unwell.  It isn’t an excuse. At all. And I don’t blame people for not supporting her going forward, but I plan to keep an eye on the situation for now and am hoping that somehow she can pull out of this shit, because I’ve seen this shit happen to a LOT of people with hard lives. Hell, I’ve even lashed out in smaller degrees and been delusional during my own ptsd breakdowns too, but when people are as far gone as Angelica is...I don’t usually see them come back again to the same state they were in previously. I’m hoping for the best, as a former fan and as a social worker, but Idk.

[cliffburton]

it's embarrassing to admit you're into asmr. i am

[astra-ravana]

Essential Correspondences

🎨Creativity

Day: Wednesday, Sunday

Moon phase: Full Moon

Colors: Orange, yellow, red, purple

Herbs: Calamus, wood betony, lemon balm, rosemary, mugwort, cannabis (hemp), damiana, coltsfoot, peppermint, sage, passion flower, ashwagandha, basil, turmeric, mayflower, catnip, St. John's wort, licorice root, valerian, parsley, oregano, coffee, cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, mint, eucalyptus

Incense: Sage, citronella, frankincense, peppermint

Essential oils: Orange, rosemary, peppermint

Crystals: Citrine, herkimer diamond, fire quartz, labradorite, orange adventurine, super seven, opal, pyrite, tangerine quartz, amethyst, lapis lazuli, peach moonstone, bumblebee jasper, rutile quartz, orange calcite, malachite, mookaite, auralite, topaz, pietersite, tiger's eye, blue lace agate, purple calcite

Metals: Gold, copper

Runes: Uruz, Kenaz

Tarot cards: The Magician, Temperance, The Empress, Ace of Wands, Queen of Wands, Page of Wands, 4 of Wands, Page of Cups, 6 of Cups, 7 of Cups, 8 of Pentacles

🔮Divination

Day: Monday

Moon Phase: Full Moon

Colors: Purple, lavender, yellow, silver, gold

Herbs: Blue lotus, camphor, eyebright, rowan, dandelion, bindweed, lavender, rose, coffee, red clover, nightshade, trillium, yarrow, holy basil, mugwort, damiana, bergamot, honeysuckle, pansy, bay leaf, calendula, vervain, frankincense, myrrh, star anise, benzoin, willow, orris root, rue, broom, dittany of Crete, flaxseed, buckeye, ivy, jasmine, goldenrod, penny royal wormwood, meadowsweet, acacia, agrimony, mullien, five-finger grass,

Incense: Myrrh, lavender, spirit

Essential oils: Lavender, rose, camphor, clove

Crystals: Lapis lazuli, indigo gabbro, moldavite, danburite, iolite, amethyst, azurite, sodalite, labradorite, blue apatite, charoite, tanzanite, clear quartz, obsidian, blue goldstone, larvakite, yooperlite, serpentine, blue kyanite, celestite, ametrine, moonstone, blue calcite, dumortierite, sapphire, nuummite, aqua aura quartz, chrysocolla, eudialite, sugilite

Metals: Silver, pewter, meteorite

Runes: Laguz, Eiwaz, Perth, Dagaz

Tarot cards: The Wheel of Fortune, The High Priestess, The Star, The Hermit, Ace of Cups

💵Wealth

Day: Thursday

Moon phase: Waxing Moon

Colors: Green, gold

Herbs: Patchouli, nettle, alfalfa, bay leaf, ginger, cinnamon, jasmine, five-finger grass, bergamot, allspice, thyme, basil, mint, fennel, fenugreek, chamomile, Irish moss, squill root, vanilla, tonka bean, lucky hand root, nutmeg, devil's shoestring, high john, rosemary, clove, dill, marigold, marjoram, black cohosh, bat's head root, pine, orange peel, almond, sugar, amber

Incense: Patchouli, amber, cinnamon, jasmine

Essential oils: Basil, orange, bergamot, patchouli

Crystals: Jade, citrine, pyrite, tiger's eye, green adventurine, peridot, rose quartz, emerald, moldavite, sunstone, serpentine, amber, tourmaline, moss agate, kumbaba jasper, rutile quartz, copper jadeite, green calcite, green quartz, bloodstone, chrysoprase, morganite, fire opal, lodestone, red coral, garden quartz, yellow sapphire, topaz

Metals: Gold, copper

Runes: Fehu

Tarot cards: Wheel of Fortune, The Magician, The Empress, Ace of Pentacles, 4 of Pentacles, 6 of Pentacles, 9 of Pentacles, 10 of Pentacles, Queen of Pentacles, King of Pentacles, 9 of Cups

🧿Protection

Day: Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday

Moon phase: Waning Moon, Black Moon

Colors: Black, red, white, blue, purple

Herbs: Jupiter, clove, althea, sage, rosemary, angelica, cayenne, cedar, rue, comfrey, hawthorne, artemesia, rowan, vervain, yarrow, wolfsbane, black locust, St. John's wort, garlic, elder, aloe, lavender, nettle, thyme, Solomon's seal, holly, onion, chive, holy basil, plantain, neem, eucalyptus, chamomile, mint, cinnamon, datura, mistletoe, oak, black pepper, agrimony, ash, lily, cactus, willow, red clover, boneset, blue berry, anise, bay leaf

Incense: Dragon's blood, sage, palo santo, sandalwood

Essential oils: Clove, cedarwood, rosemary

Crystals: Black tourmaline, clear quartz, amethyst, smokey quartz, hematite, obsidian, shungite, selenite, labradorite, pyrite, tiger's eye, bronzite, black agate, opal, onyx, fluorite, garnet, red jasper, black kyanite, malachite, jet, corundum, amber, fire agate, lapis lazuli, spirit quartz, lodestone, turquoise, black jade, smithsonite

Metals: Bronze, iron, silver, lead, steel, titanium

Runes: Algiz, Thurisaz, Sowilo, Ansuz

Tarot cards: The Star, the High Priestess, the Emporer, Strength, 9 of Pentacles, 10 of Pentacles, 6 of Swords

❤️‍🔥Love

Day: Friday

Moon phase: Waxing Moon

Colors: Red, pink, white

Herbs: Rose, jasmine, hibiscus, catnip, damiana, vanilla, thyme, ginger, black cohosh, lily, orchid, saffron, chickweed, magnolia, lovage, marjoram, walnut, rosemary, verbena, lemon balm, rhubarb, clover, lavender, basil, sesame, meadowsweet, licorice root, lady's mantle, strawberry, sunflower, coriander, apple, cinnamon, juniper, dill, daisy, cumin, fennel, carnation, patchouli, sorrel, elder, marshmallow, cilantro, ylang-ylang, sugar, tulip, oak, cocoa, carraway, orris root, spiderwort, bleeding heart, tamarind, beet, ash, elm

Incense: Rose, patchouli, jasmine, ylang-ylang

Essential oils: Rose, orange, dragon's blood

Crystals: Rose quartz, kunzite, rhodonite, garnet, pink tourmaline, ruby, jade, rhodochrosite, malachite, danburite, morganite, pink opal, carnelian, chrysocolla, ruby-zoisite, strawberry quartz, peach moonstone, red agate, pink calcite, diamond, watermelon tourmaline, howlite, emerald, phosphosiderite, sunstone, amber, turquoise, prehnite, amazonite, rainbow obsidian, ocean jasper, mangano calcite, argonite, topaz

Metals: Copper, rose gold

Runes: Gebo, Ingwaz

Tarot cards: The Lovers, the Hierophant, the Emporer, the Empress, Ace of Cups, 2 of Cups, 10 of Cups, Knight of Cups, 4 of Wands, 10 of Pentacles

☮️Peace

Day: Monday, Sunday

Moon phase: Waxing moon

Colors: Light blue, lavender, pink, white

Herbs: Lavender, chamomile, violet, gardenia, olive, myrtle, skull cap, blue bell, lily of the valley, lilac, lemongrass, sage, ashwagandha, holy basil, lemon balm, passion flower, valerian, rose, cannabis (hemp), penny royal, dulce, loosestrife, motherwort, morning glory, clary sage, marjoram, hops, rhodiola, blue lotus, dandelion, poppy, vervain, mugwort, nettle, rosemary, hawthorne, ginseng, kava, cumin, white rose, carnation, cherry, spearmint, angelica root, peace lily, daffodil, trillium

Incense: Sandalwood, palo santo, lavender

Essential oils: Lavender, almond, olive

Crystals: Larimar, blue lace agate, Apache tear, kunzite, desert rose, lithium quartz, celestite, selenite, lepidolite, sodalite, stilbite, cerusite, angelite, aquamarine, amazonite, fluorite, turquoise, blue-green tourmaline, amethyst, ammonite, shungite, cacoxenite, blue tiger's eye, blue calcite, azestuite, jade, kyanite, moonstone, tree agate, phantom quartz, flower agate, rose quartz, unakite

Metals: Silver

Runes: Teiwaz, Algiz, Wunjo, Inguz

Tarot cards: Temperance, the Sun, 4 of Swords

🔒Banishing

Day: Sunday, Tuesday

Moon phase: Black Moon, New Moon, Waning Moon

Colors: Black, grey

Herbs: Black willow, agrimony, juniper, wormwood, citronella, devil's bit, fumitory, bay leaf, black locust, cayenne, garlic, fleabane, hellebore, vervain, blessed thistle, mandrake, wolfsbane, broom, lilac, pine, rue, blood root, black pepper, coffee, anise, turnip, clover, paprika, sage, feverfew, oregano, fir, cassia, hyssop, peppermint, lemon, cowslip, stinging nettle, coriander, chrysanthemum, vertiver

Incense: Copal, dragon's blood, frankincense, myyrh, citronella, sage

Essential oils: Peppermint, lemon, cedarwood, clove

Crystals: Black jasper, rutile quartz, obsidian, jet, nuummite, black kyanite, labradorite, lepidolite, selenite, black quartz, black moonstone, clear quartz, optical calcite, fire quartz, fluorite, angel aura quartz, auralite, aegerine, brimstone (sulpher), septarian, black opal, red tiger's eye, marcosite

Metals: Iron

Runes: Algiz, Isa

Tarot cards: Death, the Hermit, the Emporer, 8 of Cups, 6 of Swords

👍Success

Day: Thursday, Sunday

Moon phase: Waxing Moon, Full Moon, Blue Moon

Colors: Yellow, gold

Herbs: Saffron, cinnamon, mayflower, bergamot, honeysuckle, high john, ginger, Irish moss, poppy seeds, basil, patchouli, clover, lucky hand root, sassafras, wood aloe, winter's bark, apple, bamboo, cabbage, violet, mint, heather, comfrey, allspice, dittany of Crete, calamus root, mustard seed, fern, goldenseal, hawthorne, pecan,

Incense: Frankincense, cinnamon, amber

Essential oils: Bergamot, ginger, clove, orange

Crystals: Alexandrite, apatite, Libyan desert glass, pietersite, labradorite, garnet, petrified wood, corundom, citrine, rutile quartz, green kyanite, green tourmaline, lemon aura quartz, leaopard skin jasper, peacock ore, black jade, peridot, aquamarine, K-2 jasper, chrysolite, chiastolite, tiger's eye, yooperlite, herkimer diamond, emerald, green adventurine, rhodonite, hematite, green calcite, yellow jade

Metals: Gold, platinum, iron, titanium

Runes: Jera, Sowilo, Teiwaz

Tarot cards: the World, the Emporer, the Chariot, 4 of Wands, 6 of Wands, 9 of Pentacles, 10 of Pentacles, 10 of Cups, the kings

[galacticnikki]

A Baby Witch's First Grimoire

Grimoire Entry 14 - Protection Herbs

A:

Acacia

African Violet

Agrimony

Ague Root

Aloe

Althea

Alyssum

Amaranth

Angelica

Anise

Arbutus

Asafetida

Ash

B:

Balm of Gilead

Bamboo

Barley

Basil

Bay

Bean

Betony, Wood

Birch

Bittersweet

Blackberry

Bladderwrack

Bloodroot

Bluebell

Bodhi

Boneset

Briony

Bromeliad

Broom

Buckthorn

Burdock

C:

Cactus

Calamus

Caraway

Carnation

Cascara Sagrada

Castor

Cedar

Celandine

Chrysanthemum

Cinchona

Cinnamon

Cinquefoil

Clove

Clover

Club Moss

Coconut

Cohosh, Black

Cotton

Cumin

Curry

Cyclamen

Cypress

D-G:

Datura

Devil's Bit

Devil's Shoestring

Dill

Dogwood

Dragon's Blood

Ebony

Elder

Elecenpane

Eucalyptus

Euphorbia

Fern

Figwort

Fleabane

Frankincense

Galangal

Garlic

Geranium

Ginseng

Gorse

Gourd

Grain

Grass

H-K:

Hazel

Heather

Holly

Honeysuckle

Horehound

Houseleek

Hyacinth

Hyssop

Irish Moss

Ivy

Juniper

Kava-Kava

L-M:

Lady's Slippers

Larch

Larkspur

Lavender

Lekk

Lettuce

Lilac

Lime

Linden

Loosestrife

Lotus

Lucky Hand

Mallow

Mandrake

Marigold

Masterwort

Meadow Rue

Mimosa

Mint

Mistletoe

Molluka

Mugwort

Mulberry

Mullein

Mustard

Myrrh

N-Q:

Nettle

Norfolk Island Pine

Oak

Olive

Onion

Orris

Papaya

Papyrus

Parsley

Pennyroyal

Peony

Pepper

Periwinkle

Pilot Weed

Pimpernel

Pine

Plantain

Plum Purslane

Quince

R-S:

Radish

Ragwort

Raspberry

Rattlesnake Root

Rhubarb

Rice

Roots

Rose

Rosemary

Rowan

Sage

St. John's Wort

Sandalwood

Sloe

Snapdragon

Southernwood

Spanish Moss

Squill

Sweetgum

T-Z:

Tamarisk

Thistle

Ti

Toadflax

Tomato

Tormentil

Tulip

Turnip

Valerian

Venus' Fly Trap

Vervain

Violet

Wax Plant

Willow

Wintergreen

Witch's Hazel

Wolf's Bane

Yerba Santa

Yucca

Feel free to check out my master post for more information!

[lorei-writes]

Loreeeeeeeei~ Congrats on 1k followers!! I'm so proud of you 🥺💜

As for the RQs... look, I'll try not to make 3 for Clavis, but I won't make any promises 🙈

So, what about Clavis + kisses + fluff/comfort 🙈💜

Love you and thank you 😊💜

You know I'd never stay around here for so long without you and all my other friends <3 Thank you for always being a source of good advice and support ;--; <3

I think I've leaned into comfort? It's a little bitter-sweet, perhaps with a little bit of hot sauce.

»All the things we choose to share«

Clavis x Reader Fluff/Comfort ~500 words Content Warnings: none

Scent of Lavender

You smelled of lavender; of broken promises, of things seemingly innate and common sense that were betrayed. You smelled of invisible scars, of marigolds, of unsafe safety, of willow’s cries and endless fields. Of edelweiss, of its persistence and devotion, of sunflowers’ golden warmth. You were a bouquet of emotion and experience.

His goldenrod.

His good fortune.

Clavis’ back hit the ground, your arms and his will both pushing against the ill-natured inertia. Soft grass tickled at your calves as you pinned him down, violet hair strewn around his head in periwinkle halo. Horses neighed at the distance.

You didn’t care.

Why should you?

“Hey —” Clavis whispered, his lips barely parting for the sound to sieve through. It was irrelevant, you assumed, or perhaps it was both irrelevant and necessary to say something in this situation. To resist you despite his obedience, to disobey you in face of attraction… To dominate rather than be dominated, to state his purpose, to perform, to smile, to —

But he did not want to.

Your fingers interlaced, his grip on you strengthened. Clavis stared at you from below, golden irises drinking in your incandescent glory. Setting sun crowned your hair with copper wire coils, painted you in shadows, its death your scorching resurrection and your lips a piece of flint. You smiled, released him… Caressed his cheek. Delicate. Smouldering. Tender. Branding. All that he had ever wanted. His.

“Yes?” you asked, part for yourself, your selfish desire to hear him say it, part for his own sake.

“Do with me as you please.”

“Anything?” you coaxed.

“Anything.” A shiver zapped through Clavis, lightning spilling from your fingertips as you caressed his neck, your nails grazing his Adam’s apple. “I’m yours, my dearest darling.”

Yours.

Hypnotiser hypnotised, you set his skin aflame at his own request. You sucked at the side of his neck, bruising him with you attention, your mark growing just above the collar of his shirt. He would not be able to cover it with innocently white linen, would not conceal it underneath a similarly purple cravat. Clavis was yours and it was for others to see. Utterly intoxicated, you shifted your grip, your hands sliding to his wrists.

“You asked for this,” you remind him, clinging onto the last of your reason.

“I did. Show me how much you love me, my hmm —”

You stole the words from his lips, utterly voracious of anything that he had to give, generous in your own care. The grass around you swayed, honeyed scent of nectar dissolving in the early evening dew. Yet Clavis was sweeter, unparalleled in the heaving of his chest and the jerking of his hips, growing all the more saccharine as your tongue slipped into his mouth and whetted his need. You slid your fingers through his hair, allowed him to embrace you… saw your world turn upside-down from the safety of his arms.

You smelled of lavender, of broken promises and grief, of disappointment and cold hurt. You were the marigolds and he was your ivy, ramping, coiling over any of your broken parts. Your lotus, your rebirth, your angelica-inspiration… Your love, and you did pull him down, the both of you blooming together under the starlit skies.

You've seen a typo? Let me know!

Tag List: @lancelotscloak @starlitmanor-network @violettduchess @pathogenic @fang-and-feather

@tele86 @rinaririr @keithsandwich @cheese-ception @bis-enti

@claviscollections @queengiuliettafirstlady @sh0jun @lucyw260

Tell me if you'd like to be added to my tag list :)

[blackswallowtailbutterfly]

My Garden Flowers Part 9

All photos mine.

In order of appearance:

241. Wild Yam (Dioscorea villosa) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

242. Nodding Wakerobin (Trillium flexipes) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

243. Moss campion (Silene acaulis) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

244. Great White Trillium (Trillium grandiflora) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

245. Yellow Wood-Sorrel (Oxalis stricta) Small yellow flowers. You often find them growing as weeds, but they're native at least to the northern USA bordering southern Ontario. The leaves, flowers, and fruits are a very lovely snack, with a tart refreshing flavour.

246. Horseweed (Erigeron canadensis) A fairly common garden weed, but native so she can stay where she pops up from time to time. Not pictured as I haven't got pictures.

247. Stiff Goldenrod (Oligoneuron rigida) Not pictured as I haven't got pictures yet.

248. Fourflower Loosestrife (Lysimachia quadriflora) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

249. Smallflower Forgetmenot (Myosotis laxa) At least I think. Her flowers are certainly much smaller than the European pink and blue species I see around. Not sure what else she'd be.

250. Bearberry (Arctostaphylos uva-ursi) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

251. Tall Meadow-Rue (Thalictrum pubescens) Yet more lacy white flowers! I imagine if you preferred white you could have a full native garden of such.

252. Northern Bog Violet (Viola nephrophylla) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

253. Wool Grass (Scirpus cyperinus) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

254. Prairie Milkweed (Asclepias sullivantii) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

255. Square-Stemmed Monkeyflower (Mimulus ringens) More leggy than her yellow cousin, but still very attractive flowers that look a lot like snapdragons. She needs things moist.

256. Pawpaw (Asimina triloba) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

257. Meadow Sundrops (Oenothera pilosella) Not quite as intensely yellow as her cousins, Oenothera biennis and Oenothera fruticosa, but still very bright.

258. Wood Lily (Lilium philadelphicum) We don't have a ton of red or orange flowers native here as compared to yellow, white, or pink/purple flowers, so each one is a treat.

259. Virginia Waterleaf (Hydrophyllum virginianum) Yet more lacy white flowers! Not complaining, though, I think they're lovely in the garden. You find these growing in shaded woods.

260. Woodland Strawberry (Fragaria vesca) Unlike her cousin in the front, this one produces lots of berries...but they're white! That's not usual for the species but not unheard of. It's kind of fun to pick little white strawberries each year from that patch.

261. Pickerelweed (Pontederia cordata) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

262. Bog Rosemary (Andromeda polifolia) This is a cultivar. I will have the wild type one day.

263. Strict Blue-Eyed Grass (Sisyrinchium montanum) Her cousin in the front prefers things dry, but this one, like many members of her family (irises), prefers things moist. It was actually easier to get her to take than the dry one, though, which I had three failed attempts at before the one I planted last year.

264. Downy Yellow Violet (Viola pubescens) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

265. Purplestem Angelica (Angelica atropurpurea) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

266. Wrinkleleaf Goldenrod (Solidago rugosa) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

267. Purple Giant Hyssop (Agastache scrophulariifolia) Not pictured as I haven't got pictures yet.

268. Buffaloberry (Shepherdia canadensis) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

269. Silverberry (Elaeagnus commutata) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

270. White Lettuce (Nabalus albus) Not pictured as she hasn't flowered yet.

[cozycryptidcorner]

this is extremely niche but I do believe from the bottom of my heart that Angelica Grass of angelicaasmr is shilling out for right wing tiktok because she thinks it’s the fastest way to get money. And she’s selling herself out only for a couple of bucks bc her views aren’t great. idk what else to say other than it’s really sad to see someone do that AND FAIL!!!!!!!!! bc she’s failing!!!!!!!!!!!!!! her videos suck ass and barely get any views!!!! her weird asmr style would have been perfect for tiktok but instead she’s shilling out to republicans. She low key admitted by commenting “and shilling the leftists would get me more money?”. idk. Puerto Rican to Puerto Rican, the people you’re trying to appeal to are not going to accept you. Not just because you’re Puerto Rican, but remember that girl that said the n word and tried aligning herself with literal Nazis but was immediately accused of being a CIA plant because they went thru her Twitter history and found out she used to date a black man? Your digital footprint of quirky “”wokism”” is larger. Be so fucking for real.

[radfemsiren]

Categories in my mind:

5, 7, saint paddies day, Thursdays, orange, March, June, bloopers, cropping a shirt with a hair tie, rolling down a grass hill, hot weather with a cool breeze, water parks, PTA park events and awkward hackey sack games, the flip flop is going to catch on your bike pedal so you slow down, summer reading list (specifically the book Frindle), laughing at the bizarre garbage at a beach clean up, heat and play

2, 4, February, peppermint coffee, Monday , blue and periwinkle, the feel of crunching snow cone ice, January, New Year’s resolutions, Pam Beasley’s pastel wardrobe from season 1-2, children’s books about ballerina mice, finding an ancient velvet hair scrunchy in your winter jacket pocket, Zoella type YouTubers late Christmas hauls, watching the hobbit and developing a crush on Orlando Bloom, peeling birchbark, bottle episodes/three episode arcs, calmness and cold

9, 8, 6 December, November, no nightlight just a fully dark room to sleep in, Saturday, goodbyes, season finale/ finale episodes, string lights on a porch, krampus, ghost and paranormal videos on YouTube, Christmas episodes, silent hill, wearing fuzzy pajama pants in a gas station at midnight, the night sky above a desert, muffled family arguments while the cousins play Mario kart, finality and darkness

10, 11, 1, 3, orange, Halloween, Fridays, sidewalk at night in front of a friends house before a party starts, Regular Show Halloween specials, beer, cider, campfire smoke, fantastic Mr fox, the scholastic book fair, running into a teacher at a grocery store, maple flavored oatmeal, Japanese stationary that looks and smells like pastries, Coraline theories, The Witches movie with Angelica Hudson, how to become a Wiccan videos on YouTube, whimsy and magic (the superior category)

[asinnersalibius]

Lost

"I think I'm lost."

"What do you mean?" Angelica laughed, "You're at home, what do you mean you're lost."

Estrella sighed. "Inside."

"Ah."

"Yeah." Angelica sighed, a long drawn out, tired sound, "Oh Estrella, my love. Did you wander too far?" Estrella nodded even though it was silent it was understood. "Where did you go?"

"I don't know."

"My love, where is your light?"

"I don't know."

"Alright my love, where are you not?"

[And] This gave pause because as lost as she felt Estrella never thought to wonder where she wasn't.

"I'm not at home, or outside, it's dark here."

"Dark you say, the dark can be haunting. What else?" Estrella sighed, standing up somewhere dark.

"It's quiet, not in the silent kind of way though, it's uncomfortable, empty, there's too much space around me and it's colder than it is warm."

"Dark, quiet, and empty, it's cold and uncomfortable. Sounds a lot like home, doesn't it?" Estella choked but didn't reply, too afraid the hurt would sound too much like rage.

"Can you stand, my love?" Estrella nodded, slowly, finding a place to set her feet. "Why don't you walk around for a little while? Try one, just one first." Estrella took a step back, something in her trembling violently. "Foward, Estrella."

"I'm scared."

"That's okay."

"I can't."

"Then you should."

"Angelica!"

"Estrella." Estrella cried, something about putting one foot in front of the other terrified her more than staying in the dark. She tried to take a step forward and it hurt like something she never could've imagined, and she jumped back.

"I can't do it. I can't. I can't." For once, Angelica didn't respond. "Angelica? Angelica where'd you'd go?"

"I'm here." Estrella exhaled in relief,

"I can't do it."

"Try again."

"But I can't. Angelica, I can't. I can't do it." Something small and gold began to float about, no bigger than a firefly, it swirled as if it was dancing. Estrella took a step towards it, and it fluttered away, before long Estrella was on a chase, the little golden finch always three steps ahead and then it was gone, and the world was dark again. Estrella cried, looking around solemnly, feeling more lost than she arrived, but somewhere in the distance, some 50 feet ahead was a brighter place than she was. She moved there without thinking about her feet and in that little circle was a grass so green it didn't seem real. "Angelica?"

"Yes, my love?" She sounded tired now,

"I think I did it." Estrella smiled, "I did it."

"I'm so proud of you my love."

"It's not a lot, just a space, but it's better than the dark."

"It's better than the dark." She smiled, curling up in her place high in the sky, "That it is."

[yr-obedt-cicero]

any good hamdad anecdotes? i've heard of a few and they're always really cute

Absolutely. I'll spare you the sad ones.

The time Hamilton chose crabs over Angelica's pie and teasingly reassured her it wasn't because they moved it (Hamilton was prone to forgetfulness, it's likely Angelica taunted him about this);

Give my love to Angelica & assure [her] that I did not leave her pye out of resentment for her having changed its original destination; but because it was impossible to take it with us without abandonning a basket of Crabs which was sent to my care for Mrs. Rensselaer. It has always been my creed that a lady’s pleasure is of more importance than a Gentleman’s, so the pye gave way to the Crabs. It was a nice question, but after mature reflection I decided in favour of the latter. Perhaps as a Creole I had some sympathy with them.

(source — Alexander Hamilton to Elizabeth Hamilton, [1801])

Three days before the duel, Hamilton laid out under a tree with all his kids until it got dark;

The next day, Sunday, before the heat of the day, [Alexander Hamilton] walked with his wife over all the pleasant scenes of his retreat. On his return to the house, his family being assembled, he read the morning service of the Episcopal church. The intervening hours till evening were spent in kind companionship; and at the close of the day, gathering around him his children under a near tree, he laid with them upon the grass until the stars shone down from the heavens.

(source — Life of Alexander Hamilton, by John Church Hamilton)

While preparing for the Grange, camping out in the yard reminded Hamilton of his war days and he told the kids about war stories;

[D]uring the erection of [Hamilton’s] rural dwelling, he caused a tent to be pitched, and camp-stools to be placed under the shading trees. He measured distances, as though measuring the frontage of a camp; and then, as he walked along, his step seemed to fall naturally into the cadenced pace of a practiced drill. It was his delight in his hours of relaxation to return to scenes and incidents of his early life, when fighting for this country, and praying for its protection.

(source — Life of Alexander Hamilton, by John Church Hamilton)

Hamilton often slept besides his kids, and found amusement in playing with Holly;

I am here my beloved Betsy with my two little boys John & William who will be my bed fellows to night. The day I have passed was as agreeable as it could be in your absence; but you need not be told how much difference your presence would have made […] The remainder of the Children were well yesterday. Eliza pouts and plays, and displays more and more her ample stock of Caprice.

(source — Alexander Hamilton to Elizabeth Hamilton, [March 20, 1803])

Hamilton used to sing while Angelica played the piano;

Hamilton's gentle nature rendered his house a joyous one to his children and friends. He accompanied His daughter Angelica when she played and sang the piano. His intercourse with his children was always affectionate and confiding, which excited in them a corresponding confidence and devotion.

(source — Reminiscences of James A. Hamilton)

Hamilton used to take James on carriage rides when he had to travel places and gave him advice;

While we were living at the Grange I used to drive out with my father, and often accompanied him when he dined with his friend Gouverneur Morris. During one of these drives, soon after my conversation with my uncle, I told my father what I had learned, and made the suggestion which Mr. Morton had requested. He replied without hesitation, ‘‘No, my son; if I received a part of the profits of that business, I should be responsible for it; as I cannot attend to it, I cannot consent to receive what I do not earn.’’

(source — Reminiscences of James A. Hamilton)

Hamilton often helped his sons with their speeches, and once gave James a thesis on discretion as a subtle hint he was a bit too talkative;

The first impression as to the words underscored was, that I might need the Thesis as an exercise. Immediate subsequent events of the most painful character induced the belief that it was intended as an admonition that I wanted that ‘homely virtue,’ discretion, of which the thesis treated. How far I have profited by the admonition this relation of the errors of my life may prove. The reader may perhaps say that in attempting to write these reminiscences I have shown that the admonition was thrown away.

(source — Reminiscences of James A. Hamilton)

Hamilton was overjoyed at Philip's performance at his last oration, that he said he was the only one who could have surpassed him;

The eldest child was a son, on whom his hopes rested with a confidence that would not have been disappointed. Distinguished for genius and elevated feeling from his earliest years, this youth had recently graduated at Columbia College. So satisfied was his father with the display of talent in an oration delivered by him at the end of his academic career, that he re-marked: ‘‘I could not have been contented to have been surpassed by any other than my son;’’ and never was he more delighted than with the gratulations which poured in upon him on this occasion.

(source — History of the republic of the United States of America, as traced in the writings of Alexander Hamilton and of his contemporaries, by John Church Hamilton)

He used to play marbles and fly kites with his younger boys;

What a home Hamilton's lovely nature made to all its inmates! By his family he was adored; the humblest member of his household seemed contented with his lot, as he walked forth at early morn to direct their labors with kind greetings and kinder smiles. “Would not this be well?” “Might not this be better?” were the terms of his guidance. [...] Their education now was under his frequent supervision; their course of reading was indicated, and their themes corrected. Every source of usefulness and virtuous pleasure he would cultivate with severer studies—music; (he sang a little)—the graces and the arts; with his younger boys he played marbles and flew kites, making merry pastime.

(source — History of the republic of the United States of America, as traced in the writings of Alexander Hamilton and of his contemporaries, by John Church Hamilton)

Hamilton was too anxious about letting Philip travel on his own, so he barely let him travel for very long and had a friend keep an eye on him;

As my eldest son Philip, who lately graduated, will pass through Providence on his way to Boston, I give him this line barely to introduce him to you; since the time I have prescribed for his return will not permit the stay of more than a day at Providence.

(source — Alexander Hamilton to Jeremiah Olney, [August 12, 1800])

The night before the duel, Hamilton slept besides John C.;

I recall a single incident about it with full clearness. [...] The day before the duel I was sitting in a room, when, at a slight noise, I turned around and saw my father in the doorway, standing silently there and looking at me with a most sweet and beautiful expression of countenance. It was full of tenderness, and without any of the business pre-occupation he sometimes had. “John,” he said, when I had discovered him, “won't you come and sleep with me to-night?” His voice was frank as if he had been my brother instead of my father. That night I went to his bed, and in the morning very early he awakened me, and taking my hands in his palms, all four hands extended, he said and told me to repeat the Lord's Prayer. Seventy-five years have since passed over my head, and I have forgotten many things, but not that tender expression when he stood looking at me in the door nor the prayer we made together the morning before the duel. I do not so well recollect seeing him lie upon his deathbed, though I was there.

(source — Interview with John Church Hamilton, reminiscences about his father)

That's all I can think of for now, but I'm sure there's more.

[cupnoodlefrog]

The uncommon sound of Chise laughing drew his attention away. He found her across the far side of the yard, kneeling on a patch of grass dotted with bits of white. Ruth sat beside her in his canid form, a crown of tiny early spring daisies atop his head. Elias could see by the Grim’s posture that Ruth was indulging the girl at most, and was not at all a fan of the addition of flowers. It was actually quite amusing, seeing Chise pester him like that. It reminded him of a similar occasion when he had witnessed Angelica’s daughter dressing up her mother’s Familiar in doll clothes.

Seeing Chise enjoying herself so much made a warm thing grow in his chest, and Elias found himself smiling with her...

[stormxpadme]

Whumptober 2024 No. 30 - Holding back tears & "What have I done?"

06/05/2018

While Logan and Hank retired in favor of further investigations as soon as the team returned from that gruesome cemetery in Alaska, which had once been such a hopeful sanctuary for young mutants, and the teenagers disappeared too, to process for themselves what they had just seen, Katja went to look for Ororo. She was obviously not exactly looking forward to that conversation; but she didn't want her friend to have to hear about this terrible betrayal by one of Ororo's closest friends only for the first mission logs or even only at the debriefing later.

And from the way Logan had looked at Katja pleadingly when they'd just touched the Blackbird together in the hangar, this was apparently her job. Logan had been forced to deal with his past enough for one day.

She found Ororo in the same place where Scott and she had been drawn to yesterday, but her friend wasn’t visiting the cemetery to grieve, at least not only. She had one of her personal students with her, who had a complicated nature mutation. It wasn't the first time that the two of them were trying to revive the poor soil of the small patch of grass right by the backyard wall with their powers, and once again in vain. Ororo didn't seem to have expected great success today of all days either anyway; it was more of a playful exercise that she enjoyed doing together with the little one, to develop his gift, which would surely be very powerful one day. With a smile so exuberant that it hurt Katja's heart that she would have to wipe it off Ororo's face in a second, she was kneeling on the ground next to the Thai boy and watched as he let his slender hands hover above it. When he actually got the delicate white blossom of a tiny daisy to bloom, she embraced him in delight. Katja could hear her soft laughter all the way to the tall rose hedge where she was waiting, hesitating. Only when Ororo turned halfway in her direction from where she cowered, did Katja notice that her friend's dark eyes weren't smiling along. And that Katja had long been noticed. Ororo sent her student back to the house with a little kiss on his forehead before she slowly got up, mechanically brushing the remains of grass and earth off her tight black trousers. “So? What is that couldn't wait?”

Katja told her, everything that she had found out in Jericho's laboratory in this camp, regarding the former priest's involvement with some psychopathic believers of the Catholic Church who wanted all mutants dead. Her words came softly, chopped, accompanied by empty phrases that could only be the wrong ones anyway. At least she managed not to stutter.

She hadn't expected an open outburst, but the way Ororo just turned away without a word before she'd even finished her last sentence and tended to her rosebushes as if nothing had happened, hurt anyway. Actually, the two of them had been through too much together to not support each other in such difficult situations ... and especially to not accept any help.

At first, Katja was very tempted to just leave Ororo alone. It was hard enough in her everyday job to get through to often completely distanced, aggressive children, to teach them that the staff in this mansion wanted to heal them, not to torture them with their memories. With someone who should actually know that exactly, she was eventually running out of patience for it. She couldn't force Ororo, damn it. But mid-movement, her gaze fell on Jean's grave, on a soft shine that the afternoon sun painted on it, almost reminiscent of the never-fading glow of an eternal fire, and Katja froze. They were all upset. Angelica's warning yesterday, about that virus that had wrecked this camp in Alaska, and today the confirmation of their worst fears ... They couldn't afford to start letting each other down; they'd made that mistake too often with Jean back then. At least Katja had to ask. Her friend didn't have to lay her whole soul bare in front of her if she didn't feel like it, but they could at least have sat down in the communal living room for a cup of tea and hot chocolate. “Ororo, why don’t we ...?”

“I wish I'd let that bastard die back then. By the gods, Cat ... What have I done?” The voice that interrupted her was rough, filled with pure hatred. Katja didn't even need to explain any further these shocking news she had found in Jericho's private quarters in that underground bunker. Ororo had understood exactly what these could only mean, maybe even faster than Katja had earlier.

Jericho hadn't just also been involved in the plans of the people who had executed Jean's murder back then, he must have actively participated in it. It was the only explanation for the fact that those bastards had had weapons and knowledge that they could only have obtained from the Mutant High network or the U.G.E.R. mutant laboratories in Canada where Jericho had used to work. While Katja had relied on Jericho's loving support during the Phoenix crises, that son of a bitch had betrayed them all.

Yet, she hoped that Ororo's initial reaction, just like her own, was mostly angry wishful thinking. That through all the defeats, all the tragedies over the years, her friend had been holding on to the principles they had all grown up with. Even if it meant living with the knowledge that she had slept with a murderer not once but twice. “You could never have, and you know that.” Since the sky above them remained surprisingly clear, Ororo seemingly having more control over herself and that gift that the two of them shared, than Katja had expected, she dared to approach her friend and take her firmly by the shoulder. And she didn't startle back when the incredible blackness in her friend's eyes turned in her direction either. “It's not your fault, Ororo. You don't make these people.”

Ororo's hand clenched around the stem of a rose so firmly that small traces of blood ran trickled over her skin. Her bitter snort changed into something else, just for a second, until Katja gently took her into her arms. She wasn't crying. Not for people who weren't worth a tear. “But it is amazing how attracted psychopaths are by me, don't you think?” The endless bitterness in her voice broke Katja's heart, and she did nothing to calm the nightmares and memories of the last few days.

Still, she didn't say a word about the fact that she, too, was still suffering from what had wrecked her life shortly after Alkali Lake. That hadn’t been Ororo's fault, and Katja never wanted her to feel differently. ”You never got over Avery.” She lovingly let her friend's short gray hair strands slip between her fingertips.

It was a sight that still hurt her sometimes, even after all these years. This hairstyle did not match Ororo's age or her enchanting beauty a bit. But it had been her decision, just like her formal, unadorned clothing. Her refusal, her distance from every single man who had wanted to get closer to her over the years than to the edge of her bed. Ororo had left the chapter called love behind, and in a way that was just as bad a scar as the ones Katja had been left with thanks to her own stupidity of trusting a damn Brotherhood member of all people for a while. “What did you expect, Cat? I was only too happy to swallow that asshole's lies back then, just for a bit of shallow entertainment to distract me from Alkali Lake.”

“You had no way of knowing ...” Katja protested once more, but no longer with the necessary energy in her words. For that, she, too, was still too haunted by what her own carelessness had brought upon her with regard to one of Scott's archenemies. And not only upon her, physically, but, much worse, psychologically on Scott and Ororo, forever.

“If we had all bothered to ask what the hell that was that had happened between Scott and Avery at the time, then I would have.” By now, Ororo had at least reached the point where she no longer denied Katja's admittedly comparatively negligible share of responsibility regarding this thing, knowing full well that Katja needed such admonitions time and again so that none of them would ever make such a dumb mistake ever again, just because they were trying to avoid clarifying conversations. “As it is, we'll all have to live with always being haunted by the hatred that we feel for what that son of a bitch did. And with Jericho, I didn't look properly either, when it would have been most important, none of us did. Contemplating this crap over and over won't change that, Cat. Let it go. Right now, we really have other things to worry about.” She hugged Katja gently once more, but then pulled away, managing a smile, somehow. “I don't let guys like this throw me off course anymore, and neither should you. They're not worth that. Let's make the best of this. At least now we finally have a lead about Jean's death too.” Her gaze, too, wandered at the smaller gravestone in the middle of the meadow for a sad moment, then she took Katja by the arm encouragingly and pushed her towards the house. “Come on. Time to get to work.”

Katja remained silent and did what was most helpful in such conversations with such skilled actors as patients. She grinned, nodded, and fought back her own tears as best she could.

*******************************************************************************

@whumptober | @whumptober-archive

[stagewitch]

Correspondences Running Master List (P-R)

Past Life Recall - snowflake obsidian, carnelian

Passion - carnelian, tomato

Peace/Harmony - dulse, eryngo, gardenia, lavender, loosestrife, meadowsweet, morning glory, myrtle, olive, passion flower, pennyroyal, skullcap, vervain, violet, prehnite, carnelian

Perseverance - snowflake obsidian, honey calcite, 

Positivity - celestite

Power - carnation, club moss, devil’s shoestring, ebony, gentian, ginger, rowan, carnelian

Prophetic Dreams - bracken, buchu, cinquefoil, heliotrope, jasmine, marigold, mimosa, mugwort, onion, rose, blue calcite 

Prosperity - alfalfa, alkanet, ahnond, ash, banana, benzion, nuts, oak, tomato, tulip, thyme

Protection - acacia, african violet, agrimony, ague root, aloe, althea, alyssum, amaranth, anemone, angelica, anise, arbutus, asafoetida, ash, balm of gilead, bamboo, barley, basil, bay, bean, wood betony, birch, bittersweet, blackberry, bladderwrack, bloodroot, blueberry, bodhi, boneset, briony, bromeliad, broom, buckthorn, burdock, cactus, calamus, caraway, carnation, cascara sagrada, castor, cedar, celandine, chrysanthemum, cinchona, cinnamon, cinquefoil, clove, clover, club moss, coconut, black cohosh, cotton, cumin, curry, cyclamen, cypress, datura, devil’s bit, devil’s shoestring, dill, dogwood, dragon’s blood, ebony, elder, elecenpane, eucalyptus, euphorbia, fennel, fern, feverwort, figwort, flax, fleabane, foxglove, frankincense, galangal, garlic, geranium, ginseng, gorse, gourd, grain, grass, hazel, heather, holly, honeysuckle, horehound, houseleek, hyacinth, hyssop, irish moss, ivy, juniper, kava-kava, lady’s slipper, larch, larkspur, lavender, leek, lettuce, lilac, lily, lime, linden, liquidambar, loosestrife, lotus, lucky hand, mallow, mandrake, marigold, masterwort, meadow rue, mimosa, mint, mistletoe, molluka, mugwort, mulberry, mullein, mustard, myrrh, nettle, norfolk island pine, oak, olive, onion, orris, papaya, papyrus, parsley, pennyroyal, peony, pepper, pepper tree, periwinkle, pilot weed, pimpernel, pine, plantain, plum, primrose, purslane, quince, radish, ragwort, raspberry, rattlesnake root, rhubarb, rice, roots, rose, rosemary, rowan, sage, st. john’s wort, sandalwood, slow, snapdragon, southernwood, spanish moss, squill, tamarisk, thistle, thyme, ti, toadflax, tomato, tormentil, tulip, turnip, valerian, venus’ flytrap, vervain, violet, wax plant, willow, wintergreen, witch hazel, wolf’s bane, woodruff, yerba santa, yucca, black tourmaline, 

Psychic Powers - acacia, althea, bay, bistort, bladderwrack, borage, buchu, celery, cinnamon, citron, elecampane, eyebright, flax, galangal, grass, honeysuckles, lemongrass, mace, marigold, mastic, mugwort, peppermint, rose, rowan, saffron, star anise, stillengia, sumbul, thyme, uva ursa, wormwood, yarrow, yerba santa 

Public Speaking - carnelian, sodalite

Purification - alkanet, anise, gum arabic, asafoetida, avens, bay, benzoin, wood betony, bloodroot, broom, cedar, chamomile, coconut, copal, euphorbia, fennel, horseradish, hyssop, iris, lavender, lemon balm, lemon, lemon verbena, mimosa, parsley, peppermint, pepper tree, rosemary, sagebrush, shallot, holy thistle, thyme, tobacco, turmeric, valerian, vervain, yucca. Bloodstone, black tourmaline,

Rain (to cause to fall) - bracken, cotton, fern, heather, pansy, rice, toadstool

Renewal - lemon balm

[chronicbeans]

The Hall of Addiction

A "Tales from the Iolite Hospital" story

TW: Mentions of Substance Abuse (Drugs), Smoking, Alcoholism, Behavioral Addictions (Gambling, Television/Internet Consumption, Maladaptive Daydreaming), Denial

It is kind of odd how this place has a "Hall of Addiction" and no psychiatrists or psychologists to care for us. They have kind of just... Abandoned us here. Even stranger is how I got here. One second, I am driving on my way to work, next, I am here. Well, I was outside the hospital, lying on the red grass... Same difference.

I don't deserve to be here, either! I am NOT an addict. How can one be addicted to daydreaming? Everyone daydreams! They said it themselves! This "Maladaptive Daydreaming" they speak of is not an official diagnosis, so that means that I CANNOT be addicted to such a thing. I may daydream heavily, but that is not an addiction.

I wake up in the bed they provided me at the very end of the Hall of Addiction. I am, apparently, on the "Behavioral" side of the hall, alongside the gamblers, telly addicts, Internet addicts, and more. On the other side, there are the addicts who are addicted to substances, including alcohol, cigarettes, cigars, drugs and the likes. The people on the other side of the hall are considered to be on the "Smoking, Alcohol, and Other Drugs" side. I do not like associating with any of my peers in this hall. I am not their peer. I am not an addict. They only get in the way of my fantasizing.

I cannot find the motivation to get out of bed for an hour. It is not that I do not look forward to the day. Far from it. It shall be a day of great fantasy. No, I just get distracted by the most marvelous daydream of being a king that rules over the land of... whatever the name of the land shall be. I have money, power, love, and even a few little children of my own. I don't notice the hour going by. In fact, it is only once Rick, one of the addicts from the Smoking section, comes in to tell me that it is breakfast that I get up.

During breakfast, I barely touch my food. Everyone is too loud, which ruins my concentration on my dream. I decide to take my food to my room, where I stare at it as I imagine that I am the king at a banquet, where I give toast to my lovely bride. I only take a few bites, before I become too engrossed to continue eating. I stand, acting out my lovely dream. I say "To good fortune, health, and love for all in my kingdom!" as I pace around my room, pretending to give toast to all the knights, nobles, and peasants that came to my feast.

I completely forget about lunch, then just barely make it to dinner. Hours go by as I swim in my mind. I am not an addict. This is perfectly normal. Everyone is like this. I eat a few pieces of meat from my stew, hearing Angelica from the gambling section mutter "Is he alright? He is so skinny..." as she points to me. Someone replies "He is still in denial. He says he has no problem. He daydreams so much, he wastes hours of his life. He forgets to eat, sleep, or even shower. Poor guy... he hasn't even gotten to step one of recovering. Admitting that you have a problem is the first step to recovery. You cannot help a man that doesn't want it, though, Angelica." I snap, turning my head as I yell at the liars "It is rude to talk behind a person's back, you know?! I am NOT like you all! I am NOT an addict! I HAVE NO PROBLEM!"

Then, I stand, storming back to my room without a word. I start my pacing, again, returning to the comforting hold of my fantasy. Today, it was being royalty. Who knows what I shall come up with tomorrow? Shall I be a mad scientist, experimenting with my creation? Shall I be an artist at a museum? Or will I be a detective solving a murder mystery? Anything is all right, as long as I am not me. I shall live my life as anyone other than me, because if I am not me, I can do whatever I want.

I am not an addict.