#andy was her brother and the person she loved more than anything while andrew is the guy she clings to because he's the next best thing

[momentomori24]

I haven't seen anyone talk about it in detail if at all, so I'll just throw this out there: Is it just me, or are Ashley's feelings for Andrew very not romantic?

Just to be very clear-- this isn't me trying to sanitize the incest present in their relationship or twist it into pure unproblematic platonicness despite everything in the game being a hellish, dystopiant, grotesque, unapologetic mess (in a good way), just an observation that's been on my mind for a while.

We know Andrew is absolutely, 100% romantically attracted to his sister especially through both his inner monologues, relationship with Julia and of course, The Scene. But I never really got that same attraction from Ashley. She loves to degree where it can't be considered platonic, but there's a blunt edge to her affection I wouldn't call romantic either.

She's obviously been obsessed with him from a young age as he's the only person she had to cling to without worrying that he'd leave her. She doesn't treat him like a person, she treats him like a coveted toy that only she can play with. Between borderline neglegent parents, untreated apathy issues, a major abandonment complex and a parentified brother/psuedo-dad, unhealthy attachments and toxic tendencies can go real bad real quick. Go figure. It's possessive, referring to her brother as hers and something that's considered stolen the moment someone else has an interest in it, but it feels a lot more "innocent" than Andrew's possessiveness of her. Andrew is hers to have because he's her brother, just like how a plaything would be hers because it was bought for her-- there doesn't seem to be anything more to it than that.

I think the best example of that is their reaction to the Vision in the Burrial route:

Unlike Andrew, who is disturbingly flustered rather than reasonably revolted, she just... doesn't have a reaction to it. They've already trapped themselves in a box with each other and commited some of the worst atrocities imaginable, so she just chalks it up to another thing to add to their crimes list. Her causual playfulness and indifference to the situation is such a strong contrast to Andrew's desperate denial and really shows her feelings about the whole thing. Or lack of, as she isn't at all fazed about it. You'd think that she'd be thrilled, or excited or equally as flustered as Andrew at the thought of their relationship taking the next big step, but there isn't any of that here. Despite her jealousy, obsession, possessiveness and extreme closeness, it doesn't seem that there was ever any romantic intent involved on her end (or at least none that she knows of). Heck, she even voices her confusion when Andrew confesses he read her actions that way:

There is something funny about going through the story thinking ''ok i get it she's the obsessed yandere sister with a brother complex i see you game'' only to be hit with the revelation that it's the complete opposite way around. Basically just Ashley hitting both Andrew AND the players with the "wait you really saw me like that what did i even do to make you think that??" at the very end and it is baffling. The fact that she seems genuinely oblivious to how she comes off is both a little cute and unexpectedly innocent, but also cements just how little she grew up from when she was a kid.

But I think this line from her really encapsulates their relationship perfectly:

One way to keep him around. She won't sleep with him because of some repressed sexual tension or genuine (messed up) affection, but because she views it as transactional. She loves Andy, that version of her brother who went along with whatever she wanted and cared about her despite all her issues when no one else did. She always acts uncaring towards other people, but it's so obvious that she's lonely. That the people she cares about not caring about her has an effect on her. We see it with their mom, the way she continued to call her despite the abuse and neglect she put her through and immediately assumes she wouldn't have wanted them to find her because she feels that unwanted. We see it with her ''friends'', the way she felt so betrayed by how they basically left her for dead in that apartment without bothering to try throwing some food up their balcony. She didn't even care if they would've succeeded or not-- she just wanted someone to try. She clings so viciously to her brother because he's all she has left. She's been labelled unlovable by everyone else in her life, and the moment he leaves her for someone more stable, she's alone for good. Andy needed her the same way she needed him, but now he's gone, and Andrew is more unpredictable than ever. His nightmares have gotten better, so he doesn't need her to sleep easier at night (not that he did in the first place). He's better at having a social life too, so surrounding himself with others and getting his life together shouldn't be too hard. He doesn't need her the way she needs him anymore, but she knows that Andrew wants her, so she'll give herself to him before anyone else can if it means that he'll stay. Which, by the way, is such a good parallel to her mom's own mindset when it comes to relationships (like mother like daughter ammirite). It's so far from love; it's just blatant codependancy she doesn't acknowledge on her end, something we see Andrew both enable and take advantage of whether he realises or not. And I think that's a more nuanced, fascinating trait of her character rather than just the ''yandere sister in love with her brother'' trope.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed reading this messy, hopefully coherent analysis of our gravecest couple, mostly focused on Ashley. And who knows, maybe she IS in love with Andrew and I completely misinterpreted her feelings for him, but until proven otherwise I'll keep clinging to this theory. This GAME THE-- [GUNSHOTS].

[sevenkittensinatrenchcoat]

Cast Interviews From 1986 vs. 2016

So, I’ve found a podcast that’s been interviewing various Cats cast members and superfans. Most of the interviews come from the cast of the Broadway Revival, but there are also several interviews from US Tour III which went from 1986 to 1988. So we’ve got a bit of both old and new. Here’s what I’ve learned about how things have changed over the years and why the Broadway Revival is such a confused mess:

In the interviews of US Tour III cast members, it seemed like everyone was told the story of the play and had a pretty clear idea of what was going on. Some actors were given backstories for their characters, but the amount of detail varied. Actors cast as Munkustrap and Tugger were told that their characters were brothers and the sons of Old Deuteronomy. Actors cast as Demeter were given a full backstory for the character. However, Grizabella’s story remained vague. Bombalurina, Mistoffelees, and Sillabub also had no confirmed backstories, and most of their characters were improvised during rehearsals. Also, since this tour was from 1986-1988, a lot of cast members don’t remember a lot of what they were told. It’s been a while.

Out of the backstory and character information provided, Demeter’s was the most consistent. She was kidnapped by Macavity, escaping shortly before the events of the play. She’s an outsider to the tribe, but she knows Bombalurina and stays close to her. Bombalurina also had some experience with Macavity, but she enjoyed it more than Demeter did. This lines up with what Jacob Brent said about Demeter in the 1998 version.

Some character dynamics are different from more modern versions. Alonzo is Demeter’s love interest, as was typical with Broadway-based productions. Also, in most productions, Alonzo doesn’t get along with Tugger, but he’s a fan of him in this version.

Outside of Alonzo, it was made perfectly clear that Mistoffelees was played as a full adult, the same age as Munkustrap. The actor who played him throughout the tour, Randy Slovacek seemed to have made up most of Misto’s characterization in that production by himself. Misto was friends with Grizabella in the past and wasn’t upset by whatever she did to upset the others. When she first appears, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer, taking the place of Coricopat and Tantomile, who were cut for the tour, run up to her and try to chase her away. Misto calls them off, but Munkustrap won’t let him do anything else to help her and he respects his authority too much to try anything.

The interviews of the Broadway Revival cast tell a very different story of what was going on behind the scenes. Apparently, they were rushed for time and there weren’t as many rehearsals before the show as there usually are. That, combined with the new choreography meant that nobody really knew what they were doing. Munkustrap and Tugger were confirmed to be siblings, but very little backstory information was given outside of that. The few cast members who worked with Gillian Lynne seemed to have a better idea of what was going on with their characters. Andy Blankenbuehler was still figuring things out and wasn’t able to offer similar clarity. The few times anyone was told anything, it was usually by Trevor Nunn.

Basically, Nunn and Lynne invented Cats, and nobody else seems to know how the fuck any of it works.

Tyler Hanes and Sara Jean Ford knew each other before being cast and they came up with a lot of backstory for their characters, which everyone else got drawn into. Ford played Jellylorum as the same age as Tugger. Since the actors are best friends, so are the characters, even though that makes little sense with their personalities. Jennyanydots, Bombalurina, Demeter, and Grizabella were in that same age range as well. It appears that nobody was anywhere between Munkustrap and Old Deuteronomy in age, for some reason. Jenny and Skimble are a couple in this version, so Skimble’s probably also in this group. They have kittens together. Electra and Rumpleteazer are among them, though nothing was said about Mungojerrie. The merge with Coricopat and Tantomile in the US Tour implies that they’re twins in that version. In the Broadway Revival and the tour based on it, they’re apparently unrelated.

Grizabella ended up with a far more detailed backstory, all made up by the cast. She’s Jellylorum’s sister and she stole a man away from her and Jelly never loved again. None of the kittens are Jelly’s, though she’s sort of the nanny to all of them. Griz also had some sort of affair with Tugger and broke his heart, which is why he doesn’t do commitment. Then, Griz ran off with Macavity, got dumped for Bombalurina, and then she got dumped for Demeter who decided that Macavity was bad news pretty early on and ditched him. The relationship was abusive, but no one mentioned a kidnapping. After leaving Macavity, Griz was no longer welcome in the tribe, even though Bomba and Demeter were because Reasons. Forgetting that these characters are not human, she then got addicted to drugs, was driven to prostitution to support her drug habit, had a bunch of kids, and then left those kids to be raised by Jenny, who resents her for it. Nobody says which kittens are Grizabella’s. Portions of this backstory were used in the 2019 movie.

Also, I can say that some of the characterization issues with Tugger were, in fact, a direct result of the choreography changes. Tyler Hanes wanted to play up the sexuality of the character in a way that the new choreography didn’t allow. If Gillian Lynne’s choreography had been used for the number, Tugger’s characterization probably would’ve turned out very different, but the changes meant that what Hanes knew about the character, and how the audience perceived the character, were altered by the new choreography putting emphasis on vanity instead of sexuality.

So, that’s the story so far. Compared to at least one early production, the Broadway Revival was rushed and poorly thought out. The actors were given little information and left to fend for themselves, and they prioritized their bonds with their irl friends over what made sense for their characters. Interviews of cast members from both the revival and the following tour reference Andy Blankenbuehler as the one who had all the information, who the cast looked to for instructions. But, he had no idea what he was doing and couldn’t really help them.

Most of the problems can be traced to Blankenbuehler not knowing what he was doing and never really figuring it out. Though, some blame has to be placed on the cast who, left to their own devices, had a lot of bad ideas. Hanes and Ford in particular, though it was good that someone was trying to take charge, created a bit of a mess. None of Jellylorum’s character resembles any other Jellylorum characterization I’ve ever seen, and it doesn’t even come across clearly on stage. The young cast all seemed to struggle with the idea of playing older characters and nobody told them that they couldn’t age them down. The generation gap between Tugger and Jenny and Jelly is character information that’s now completely lost on the audience. You need older characters disapproving of Tugger to show that he’s a controversial figure to the tribe, not just an annoyance to Munkustrap.

But, some of the worst characterization problems were not entirely the fault of the cast. As I mentioned before, Tugger’s characterization was changed by the choreography. Grizabella had already been aged down by her redesign. Since Demeter’s kidnapping backstory wasn’t explained, this affected how Demeter was portrayed. Her sympathy for Grizabella came from having been on that side of town as Macavity’s prisoner and seeing the condition she was in. Without that backstory, Kim Faure may have not known that Demeter was supposed to have sympathy for Grizabella and interpreted her part differently. This was the result of unclear direction.

What We’ve Learned Today:

1. In the 1980s, Mistoffelees was, in fact, played as older than Jacob Brent played him in the VHS.

2. Munkustrap and Tugger (and not Mistoffelees) have pretty much always been the sons of Old Deuteronomy.

3. The backstory Jacob Brent gave for Demeter was the standard backstory for the character well before the VHS was filmed.

4. Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer were considered twins in the 1980s and most likely continued to be seen as such until the revival era, though I haven’t exactly checked in with every single production.

5. The Broadway Revival was a behind the scenes and nightmare and it’s mostly Blankenbuehler’s fault.

6. Gillian Lynne wrote Cats. Andrew Lloyd Webber wrote a concept album.

7. There are no middle-aged cats in the 2016 revival. I think Sara Jean Ford started it.

8. The idea that Grizabella’s backstory involved Macavity started with the 2016 cast improvising.

9. Kim Faure’s Demeter was most likely OOC due to a removal or lack of explanation of backstory.

10. Sometimes it’s okay to do things the same way they’ve been done before.

[thedefinitionofendgame]

A New Adventure

Marina and Surrera (+ kids) one-shot | Rated G | Canonverse

A/N: Just some cute Marina-centric (with Surrera too ofc) fluff about graduation and moving on to a different part in life. Features Marina’s son and the Surrera trio. I love both couples and love when I think of a fic that can include both of them :) enjoy!

•

You can read this work on ao3 and fanfiction.net as well

Written & cover by@thedefinitionofendgame (aka me)

The sun was shining and the birds were chirping. For April, it was surprisingly sunny and warm; there were no clouds in sight. It was perfect weather for the special event that was to take place today because in a few short hours, Maya and Carina's son would walk across the stage at his graduation ceremony. He would graduate from one part of life, and walk onward to a new adventure in life. The child they argued on conceiving for years would adjust his cap, straighten his too-big gown and put on a brave smile before stepping out for the crowd.

His three biggest supporters besides his moms, would be cheering the loudest from their designated seats in the third row, six seats in from the aisle. Non-biological cousins who were raised as his siblings because the young boy didn't have any "real" ones. He was his moms' one and only miracle. But Andy and Sullivan's kids—two girls and a boy—were all the love he needed. Emilia had done her walk years before; she was six years older than her cousin. The twins, Clara and Tanner were closer to his age, but still two years older. For their cousin’s graduation though, the trio were on their best behaviour and had put on their fanciest clothes.

Carina wiped her eyes and Maya moved a hand behind her wife's back to pat her lightly. She had tears in her own eyes yet felt the need to keep it together. Sullivan was put in charge of video-taping, as he was the least likely to get emotional and cry. Andy leaned over to Maya and whispered, "I cried when all three of their names were called."

Maya nodded. She remembered having to console her best friend about her own kids growing up before, and now it was finally Maya’s turn. She had never been prouder of her son until this moment. He had overcome so many mountains but those never stopped his short legs. He just kept climbing, more often than not with a smile on his face. Soon, people began to shush one another, as the announcer walked across the stage with a microphone in hand. The ceremony was about to begin!

“Good afternoon everyone. My name is Georgia Davis, and I am so happy you could join us today.” Pause for a polite smattering of applause. “While we know how anxious you are to watch your not-so-little ones walk across the stage, we ask for your patience as we read through their names. This is one of our largest classes yet to graduate. Let’s give our kids a huge round of applause!”

This time the clapping wasn’t forced and nearly deafened the room. After waiting for the noise to settle down, Ms. Davis began to read down her list. Maya and Carina’s son would be near the top, as his hyphenated last name gave him the alphabetical advantage. Bishop came before DeLuca in the alphabet, which was one of the reasons Maya’s last name was first on his birth certificate. For Andy and Sullivan’s kids, they had decided whose last name went first the same way; Herrera won out over Sullivan.

"Andrew Bishop-DeLuca." Maya snapped her attention back to the stage, stopping her day dream. She couldn’t believe she almost missed the moment her son walked out because she was thinking about last names of all things! The teacher smiled and began clapping. Seconds later, a young boy walked across the stage, head held proudly. He had Carina’s brown hair, blue eyes like Maya and walked just like the man he was named after. He was every bit as trouble as the late Andrew DeLuca as well, but just as kind too. Sometimes, Maya knew that it hurt Carina to watch their son embody someone Carina had grown up alongside. Though they both wouldn’t change it for the world, because their child was still unique in his own way.

"Little Andy's all grown up," the real Andy said. Maya and Carina's son had been named after Carina's deceased brother and dubbed with the nickname "Little Andy" after Maya's best friend. It fit him perfectly because some of his aunt’s fiery personality had rubbed off onto him. Whenever he sassed his moms, they blamed it on Andy.

In the middle of the stage, Andrew turned and waved at his family, ignoring the clear instructions he had been given at home to shake the teacher’s hand and not look for his moms. Everyone laughed though, and both Maya and Carina were too proud to be upset. The teacher was ready for this, and gently placed his scroll in his hands, and directed him off stage. Sullivan smiled over from his seat farther down the row; he had gotten the whole thing on video.

After Andrew’s turn, his row of supporters sat quietly and just simply watched everyone else. Georgia Davis had been right when she said this was the largest class in a while, as a total of thirty two graduates crossed the stage. When at last everyone had gone, and many parents were crying, Ms. Davis returned and thanked everyone for coming. More speeches and awards would be given out later. It was now time for refreshments and a chance to stretch after sitting for so long.

Outside, Carina was still sobbing quietly against Maya's shoulder. "We're gonna be empty nesters soon! I can't believe it,” the Italian woman said sadly.

Maya rolled her eyes. She totally supported her wife's emotions today of all days, but calling them “empty nesters” was being a little dramatic. "Babe, he's only graduating from preschool. He starts kindergarten in September, and will be with us for at least another fourteen years. We'll be okay." She had to hold in a chuckle, as she wrapped an arm around Carina.

"Only fourteen years! That'll pass in seconds! We should've had more kids!" Carina wailed, while Maya refrained from telling Carina that having Andrew almost killed her and that another child wasn't going to be possible. Like ever.

Andy sidled over and chose to make matters worse by saying, "I've only got twelve years left with the twins, in that case. And ten with Emilia." Maya's best friend looked like she was going to cry as well, and Maya couldn't handle two crying women, so she had to do something. Quickly. So she grabbed both of their hands and forced them to look at they're not-so-baby-like babies. The Fantastic Four—a cheesy nickname dubbed for all their kids—were now playing on the mini playground. Tanner, who took his role as an “older cousin” very seriously, was helping Andrew climb the jungle gym. Emilia and Clara were running around, probably scuffing up their shoes in true Herrera-Sullivan kid fashion. Sullivan was standing nearby, a grim expression on his face. He now had three headstrong women living in his house and sometimes it was almost too much to bear. But he loved them and his son more than anything else in the world.

Sullivan noticed them watching and waved, a smile lighting up his entire face when he saw his wife. Maya still sometimes wondered how her best friend and the ex-battalion chief managed to get together despite their odds at first. One look at the chemistry between them would answer all ones' questions. They were just made for each other. Sullivan was back to being Fire Chief Sullivan, a title he most definitely hung over Andy's head. Andy had finally made Captain at Station 19 four and a half years prior. Maya stepped down completely by her own accord when Carina got pregnant; having a family meant more to her than any title, now. It was a good thing she stepped down as well, because Carina was hospitalized for nearly five months and someone had to take care of Little Andy at home that entire time.

Andy waved back at her husband, and left Maya and Carina to go stand beside him. Carina was calming down, thankfully, and stared at the big, blue sky above. She rested her head on Maya’s shoulder, even though the blonde was shorter, and sighed. Maya gently reached up to wind her fingers around Carina’s curls. Her wife had once said that was calming, so Maya did it often now. They stood together, thinking about different things probably, but under one general consensus; their son was growing up way too fast. It seemed like just yesterday they were holding him together in the Labour and Delivery wing of Grey-Sloan Memorial. That was before Carina began hemorrhaging and needed lifesaving surgery, of course. But the two moms had had two peaceful hours with their new baby. Together, as a family of three. Maya had looked at her son and thought, so this is what unconditional love is. She had sworn she would love her son for whatever he accomplished, no matter how big or small. She wouldn’t push him to the point of abuse and yell at him if he came second. She would love his other mom more than the world, and make up for all the pain her parents had put her through. Speaking of her parents, Maya’s mom asked for a picture of Andrew today, as she wasn’t exactly invited to the ceremony. Technically anyone could come, but Maya had specifically told her family that it was “parents only” and just left out the fact that Andy, Sullivan and their kids had attended for Andrew. Although Andrew didn’t even care that his grandparents weren’t present; all that mattered to him were his cousins.

“Andrew, Mommy wants to get some pictures of you. Is that okay?” Maya asked, taking Carina with her as she headed over to the jungle gym where the kids were playing. Carina pulled out her cellphone and handed it to Maya, who was ready to capture whatever smile Andrew gave them. Sometimes he was silly, especially around the twins.

Maya’s reply was a fit of giggling from the kids. She raised an eyebrow at them but apparently didn’t come across stern enough. Andy ended up clearing her throat, which caused Emilia to smarten up. She prompted her siblings to listen and Tanner nudged Andrew, who guiltily turned to his mom. He was only four, though, so it wasn’t too much of a surprise that he took longer to listen.

“Do you want us in the picture Auntie Maya?” Emilia asked, gesturing to herself and her siblings.

“Of course.” Maya let them all strike a pose in front of the playground. She clicked away and let Carina try to make them laugh behind her. Sullivan put an arm around his wife, and they just watched the four kids goof off. After the candid moments of sorts, Maya did get Andrew to pose with a proper smile on his face. The twins ambled over to their parents and though they were getting too big to be carried, Andy held Tanner on her hip while Sullivan scooped up Clara. Emilia stood in front of them and they looked ready for a picture. Maya also seemed to think so, and turned the camera on them. “Smile!”

The Herrera-Sullivan’s smiled like their lives depended on it. “Want me to take pictures of you three?” Andy offered, putting Tanner down.

Maya handed her phone over in answer. “Do you want to sit on my shoulders, Bambino?” That was another one of Andrew’s nicknames, dubbed by his Italian mother. Maya was doing her best to learn Carina’s dialect but still could barely keep a basic conversation. Ten year old Emilia was better than her Auntie Maya, and Italian was just one of the four she was learning. Besides English, all the Herrera-Sullivan kids had been taught Spanish. The twins were just starting German and Italian, while Emilia was half fluent in both. It amazed Maya how quickly kids could pick up another language. Andrew was even interested in Italian, though it was mostly because the twins were learning it. He was a bit of a copycat at four years old.

Andrew held out his arms for his mom to pick him up. Maya hoisted her son over her head and he let out a giggle. Carina smoothed down his small collared shirt and straightened his pants, before turning towards the camera. They all smiled really big as Andy snapped picture after picture. As image after image was taken, Maya couldn’t help but wonder where she would be right now if she hadn’t changed her mind about kids. It had taken quite a lot of convincing from her Italian wife—plus babysitting Emilia and the twins constantly—before Maya felt like she was ready to become a mother. Craning her neck to look at Andrew now, everything made sense. Everything had worked out and Andrew was perfect. Of course Maya was being biased because he was her son, yet she couldn’t help it! It was a parent’s right to think their child was perfect even though sometimes they did things that drove them crazy.

Andrew had a habit of copying everything someone said, for either three sentences or three hours. It was very aggravating and Maya had accidentally raised her voice at him a couple times. He also refused to pick up toys—cancelling his cousins coming over was the only thing that made him do chores at this point. But those were small things and they were part of growing up. Heck, Maya knew she did things that probably drove her wife and son crazy. Maybe by the time Andrew graduated high school, their bad habits would be gone. One could only hope.

“Should we head back to our place now?” Maya asked, pocketing the cellphone Andy returned to her. The families had planned for a sleepover with all the cousins plus ice cream and more treats at home. They only lived a ten minute drive from the preschool.

The happy screams that followed were enough. Andy, Sullivan and their kids left first, giving Maya and Carina a moment alone with just Andrew. Carina didn’t say anything, but enveloped Andrew in a hug, that he returned with a smile on his face. “I’m so proud of you, Bambino. Mamma loves you.”

“Mommy loves you too.” Maya crouched down and opened her arms for a group hug. “We are both so proud of you, Andrew. We always will be. You can always count on us to love you for whoever you become.” Together Maya and Carina would fix the mistakes their own parents made and teach their son acceptance and kindness no matter what. It was only right.

Andrew pulled away from the hug and cupped his moms faces in his hands; first Carina, then Maya. “I love you Mamma. I love you Mommy.” Pause. “Now can we go eat ice cream and play with my cousins?”

Both of his moms let out a laugh. “Yes sweet boy, we can. Today is your day! Are you excited to start Kindergarten in the fall?” Maya got Andrew all buckled up and then began the drive towards home.

“Sorta. Tanner says it’s fun. Clara doesn’t like art but I like art!” Andrew informed them. “I didn’t ask Emmy yet. It’s gooder than fifth grade I bet. Uncle Sully says he’s too old to remember Kindergarten, even though I asked him.” In the front passenger seat, Carina snickered. Sullivan hated the fact that people called him ‘Sully’, especially attached to something as endearing as ‘uncle’. Jack Gibson had taught all the firestation kids what to call everyone to get under their skin just a little. Ever since Andrew had heard his Uncle Sullivan’s nickname, ‘Sully’ was the only name he used. While Sullivan was chagrined about it, Andy loved her nephew for using it to bug her husband.

From the driver’s seat, Maya replied, “I’m sure it is buddy.” In the rear-view mirror, Maya looked at her son and smiled. He was looking more like Carina every day, just with blue eyes. Carina was biologically related to Andrew, conceived with the help of a sperm donor. But he was just as much Maya’s as he was Carina’s, and shared more personality traits with her than his ‘Mamma’. He was smart and caring and worked hard for the most part; just like Maya. He was handsome and sweet and loved life, just like Carina. Though preschool graduation was big, high school graduation was going to be bigger.

Like Andy said before, in eight years Emilia would graduate high school. In twelve years, the twins would follow suit. And Andrew would bring up the rear fourteen years from now. Each time all four adults would cry and wish their babies stayed little for just a while longer. They would marvel over what the kid was like as a baby, as a child and as a teen. Comparing who they were before, and who they had become. Maya knew she wasn’t ready to think about Andrew’s future past Kindergarten, but sometimes she wondered.

Whatever he did with his life, he would be good at it. He would do his best and smile and try to get better no matter what. That was something good Maya had passed on to him. Andrew Bishop-DeLuca was a force to be reckoned with and everything he would one day overcome, would only make him stronger. Though what would never change, would be the undying love and support of his moms. Of his cousins and aunt and uncle. Friends he would meet along the way. Maybe a partner down the road. Andrew was going to love and be loved, that was something Maya was certain about. Even if he was only four years old.

The two families would cheers later, with ice cream cake forks and a small sip of champagne for the adults. They would congratulate Andrew and give him hugs and advice for the future. His cousins would tell him all they could remember about Kindergarten, and Uncle Sully would claim he couldn't remember his days in school, then come up with some crazy tale about his life that had everyone in awe but also giggling. Andy would reminisce about her own kids’ graduations in the past and those to come in the future. Carina would cry more tears and Maya would brush them away like she always did. Life would go on, and things would be okay as long as they remembered they would always have each other.

To new beginnings and new adventures with love always guiding the way.

[sillyrabbit81]

Her Heavy Cross

Summary: Three years after tragedy hits, Lana she decides to start dating again. She meets Will through a dating app and they begin an online romance. After months of constant requests, Lana relents and agrees to meet and go on an irl date with Will. But is Will who he says he is? Lana is quickly pulled into an intense relationship forcing her to confront her tragic past. Will Lana face it or will she close her heart forever?

Pairing: OMC x OFC

Word Count: approx 3k

Warnings: swearing, angst, implied smut

Authors Note: The story started as a Henry Cavill fanfiction but I changed it to be an original character, but shades of Henry are still there. Hope you enjoy the story and thanks for reading.

Part 10 Part 12

Part 11

The next few days were monotonous. Most mornings, I would go to the gym. Then I'd head off to work. After work, I'd take Perrin for a walk. We stopped at the dog park a few times to throw the ball. Then I'd go home and read or watch tv. After dinner, I would FaceTime Liam before falling asleep.

Although I missed him terribly, it had been good to have some space. I was able to think about us a bit. Liam was always great on the phone, a gentleman even. Yes, he flirted with me and made inappropriate comments, but they were always in context. I'd be lying if I said I didn't flirt with him back. But it was nice to get to know him better, and I decided I definitely liked him as a person and a lover. He was sweet, sincere, funny and warm, the same as he was when he was Will. He seemed to accept who I was. There were no digs at me, maybe some friendly ribbing, but it seemed he liked me too. We spent a lot of time laughing. We had a similar sense of humour.

He opened up about some of his past relationships, how he felt about them and what went wrong. A lot of the times, he admitted to fault, especially in the early ones. I talked a bit about Andy but kept a lot back. No doubt, he noticed.

Thursday afternoon changed everything.

Liam called me when I was driving home from work at about four-thirty. It broke with our routine. We usually spoke around nine o'clock. I answered the phone, and Liam's voice came through the speakers.

"Hello, Sweetheart. How was your day?"

I smiled at this now familiar greeting. "Really good, Liam. How was yours? Have you finished work already?"

"Yeah, good. I'm supposed to stay for another hour, but I wasn't needed, so I left." Liam paused and said, "Listen, Lana, I have to tell you something."

"Oh, no."

"Yesterday, a parent from your school saw the pictures of us." I went cold. I was 10 minutes from my house, but I pulled over. "She left a message on one of the pictures that you look like a teacher from her kid's school." Oh shit. "Anyway, this morning, you were on duty at the "kiss and drop", whatever that is."

Robotically I said, "it's where the parents drop the kids off at school without getting out of the car." I could see where this is as going.

"Right." He sounded strange but continued. "Well, they took a picture of you, put that side by side with the others. Long story short, Sarah was called to confirm your name."

"Oh, for fucks sake." I was pissed off. "What did she tell them?"

"She said she couldn't confirm or deny."

"In other words, yes, but my boss said, don't say anything."

"That's a bit unfair, Lana. She can't lie to them, or they won't bother calling her when they get a story. They will just run it because they can't trust what she says."

"Fuck this," I said and hung up on Liam.

I slammed my foot down on the accelerator and spun the tires. I had a Toyota Camry SX. It's sort of sporty, but it's not meant to be driven like that, but I was fuming. Liam rang again, but I ignored it. I backed off and slightly and rounded a corner, tires chirping as I went. I fumbled in my bag, driving one-handed until I found and lit a cigarette. As stupid as it was, I drove the rest of the way home like that.

When I got home, I quickly changed into my Draggin jeans, leather jacket and riding boots. I grabbed my helmet, gloves and went for a ride.

I loved being on the bike. Andy was the first guy I'd been with who rode. I remembered the first time he got me on the bike. He hadn't even let the clutch out, and I screamed and jumped off. The second time was better, and I went around the block before I got off. The third time, I was hooked. I loved holding onto his waist as we rode, my chest pressed against his back, my thighs touching his, my hands under his t-shirt. I loved the heavy thrumming of the bike, the wind whistling past. It was exciting, erotic, but also calming. Calming is what I needed.

I was so angry. Not at Liam or Sarah. Or even the bitch who outed me or the others who put my photo out there in the first place. I didn't know who I was angry with. Hollywood? Gossip? Social media? Myself? Maybe I was mad at myself. I deserved it. I'd turned my back on Andy, fucked another guy, and now I'm in a relationship with him, according to public record. Every time someone googles my name, his will come up.

The parents at school will give me looks, and I won't know what they are thinking. Will they be laughing at me? And if it didn't work out, everyone would know. I would have to go through a break up while everyone watched, picked at it, chose sides and commented.

I rode for about an hour up through the Blue Mountains. When I stopped for petrol at Wentworth Falls, my thoughts had settled, and I was thinking clearer. I stopped at a cafe, got a coffee and checked my phone. Liam had called twice more and sent a few messages. Riza had called and texted me.

I checked Riza's first. It was a link to an article, Liam Cross's Secret Aussie Lover. Her text simply said, "Jen just found this. Call me if you need me." I didn't click the link.

I checked Liam's. He said he wants to make sure I'm ok. Then he said he wants to come over and talk to me.

I called Liam. He seemed to answer before it even rang. "Sweetheart. Are you ok?" He sounded a bit frantic.

I took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I snapped at you."

"I knew you'd be upset."

"Upset is one thing. I snapped at you and blamed Sarah. You're right. It's not her fault."

"Lana, don't worry about that. Did you read the article?"

"No."

Liam was quiet a while. Then he said, "Are you ok now?"

"Yeah, I'm ok. I just needed some time to calm down." I let out a short laugh. "I am a redhead after all. I have a temper."

Liam laughed, "Do I have to be worried about being stabbed in my sleep?"

"Nah, being a redhead wouldn't make me do that. I get that part of me from being a Scorpio."

"I don't know whether to be scared or turned on right now."

I smirked, "Why not be both?"

Liam laughed and then got serious. "You sure you're ok? Do you want me to come over? I almost did get in my car when you wouldn't answer."

"Stalker," I teased.

"And that's why I didn't."

"I'm not at home anyway."

"Where are you?"

"I took off on the bike to clear my head. I'm in the mountains right now."

"The mountains?"

"Yeah, the Blue Mountains. Look west tomorrow, and you'll see them."

"I'll do that." Liam paused. "I'm really looking forward to seeing you tomorrow."

"I'm looking forward to seeing you too. Bye, Liam."

"Bye, Sweetheart."

I finished my coffee and rode home.

I texted Riza to let her know I was ok. I played with Perrin. I texted my brother to remind him to pick Perrin up tomorrow afternoon. I ate some dinner before packing my bag for tomorrow and went to bed. It was a long time before I finally fell into a restless sleep.

Liam Cross's Secret Aussie Lover

"Pictures of Liam Cross, 38, with an unknown female were circulating on social media earlier this week, and tongues were set wagging.

"Users were quick to put their detective hats on and tracked down Cross's new flame late yesterday. The woman was identified as Mrs Alana Walker, 30, Sydneysider, and special education teacher. Not much else is known about Mrs Walker other than she was widowed in 2017.  Her husband, Andrew Walker, and father Brian Kelly were killed in a horrific Boxing Day crash when his car was destroyed by a truck driver who had a medical incident behind the wheel.

"Sources close to Cross say that he has been elated the past couple of months, and now they know why. They hope for his sake that this relationship will not be plagued by scandal like his previous relationships.

"For now, Cross's camp is remaining tight-lipped on the situation. While they don't deny a relationship, they will not confirm it.

"Cross is currently in Sydney for an adaptation of the widely popular and romantic fantasy epic Beyond the Stones series by C. W. Taylor. He will co-star alongside Australian Myra Roberts with an expected release in the northern hemisphere winter of 2022."

I woke on Friday morning and laid in bed for a while. I should have gone to the gym, but I just couldn't get my body to move. I wanted to chuck a sickie, blow off the whole day, maybe go for a swim, or just watch movies all day. I had an urge to watch Kill Bill for some reason. But I couldn't do that to the kids.

I knew I was just trying to avoid the parents at school. I'm sure most of them know by now. Gossip runs rampant at the school gate. We've all seen Big Little Lies. Probably all the staff knew too. It was one of those days where I wish I could just press fast forward and get to the part where I see Liam again. I didn't want to miss out on that.

In the end, I got up, showered and got ready for work. I tamed my hair, put on my war paint and dressed in black work pants, ballet flats and a pink knitted cardigan.

I started to pack my bag for the weekend, trying to work out what outfits I needed. I had decided what I wanted to wear for dinner tonight, but I didn't know what to wear to bed. Would I even need anything to wear? I blushed at the thought. I packed a basic set of pyjamas. I added jeans and a couple of t-shirts, a hoodie and my Dr Martens. I put some pretty underwear in there too. I didn't have much, just a white lace set which Liam had already seen and two black lace sets. I packed them all.

My phone beeped, and I got a message from Liam. It was a picture of his face all sweaty from working out. He had his tongue sticking out. He had written, I was going to send you a picture of my cock but thought that was a bit vulgar. So I decided to send you a picture of another part of my body that's going to fuck you tonight. Can't wait x.

My whole body grew hot, my stomach filled with butterflies, and I giggled. I started to reply with 'cheeky bastard', but then I had an idea. I sent him a picture of my face with my mouth open in an O shape, and I rested a finger on the corner of my lower lip. I wrote, I was going to send you a picture of my pussy but thought it was a bit obvious. So I sent you a picture of another part of my body that's going to get fucked tonight. X

Within a minute, I got a reply of: Game on, Sweetheart.

Well, if Liam wants to play a game, I can play a game.

I pulled my pyjamas out of my bag and put in a satin shift, pretty much my only sexy bedclothes. I thought about what other sexy photos I could take and packed a few other things. Then I made my lunch and headed off to work.

I rang Riza on the way to work. She asked me about how I was feeling. I told her I was dealing with it, but I said no more about it. I asked Riza about how she and Jen were going, and she said we would meet up soon.

"I miss you," she said.

"Yeah, I miss you too. Talk soon, ok?"

"Yeah, have a good weekend slut! Tell Liam I said hi."

"Suck a dick Riz."

We hung up, and almost immediately, Dave calls.

He doesn't say hello or anything, just launches in with, "Are you dating Liam Cross?" Fuck. "One of Lucy's friends just sent her an article about you and him."

No use denying it then. "Yeah, I am. He's the one I'm spending the weekend with." I braced for his reply.

"Fuck me dead. My fucking little sister is rooting Liam fucking Cross." His voice didn't sound angry. He sounded impressed.

I rolled my eyes. "It's not a big deal. Just don't forget to get Perrin and don't tell Mum."

"Not a big deal? The kids will go crazy when they meet him."

"Dave, we are hardly at the point where we are meeting families."

"Yeah, alright, keep your shirt on."

"I'll come by Sunday arvo to pick Perrin up?"

"Wanna stay for dinner?"

"Yeah, ok. See you then."

I ended the call and got to work not long after that. I went straight to my classroom, trying to avoid everyone. There was one person I couldn't avoid, and that was Marla, my teacher's aide. She was in her late 50s, though, so I thought she would be pretty safe. She didn't mention anything all morning, which was a relief.

At lunchtime, I stayed in the classroom. I told Marla I had some work to do, so she left me alone. I checked my phone and found a message from Liam.

It was a picture of Liam drinking from a bottle of pineapple juice, and it said, Me hydrating for tonight x.

His innuendo made me chuckle, but I had planned for something like this. I took a selfie of myself with a banana in my mouth and sent it with the caption: Presumptive much? Me carbo-loading for tonight.

Liam replied a little later with, I can't decide if I'm winning because my pics are better or if I'm still winning because yours are better.

Marla came back into the classroom about halfway through lunch. She pottered around the room, trying to look busy. She kept looking over at me. I felt myself start to panic. She wasn't acting like that this morning. She must know now. They all must know. I started wondering what everyone was saying about me in the staff room. They had probably sent Marla back to the classroom to see what information they could get out of me. The panic receded, and anger filled the void.

Eventually, I lost my temper. "Have you got something to say, Marla?"

Marla had the good grace to look ashamed. "No. Nothing."

I crossed my arms. "What are they saying?"

Marla sighed, "honestly? They're mostly pretty stoked about it. Happy for you."

I let my arms fall. My vision went a bit blurry. "Really?"

Marla came over and leaned against the table, and rubbed my back. "Oh, Darl, yeah, most of us remember what it was like for you. We just want you to be happy."

I smiled at her, but the tears still came. Marla gave me a tissue. "Thanks, Marla." I sniffed, "ugh, the parents, though. I'm not looking forward to that."

Marla smiled and said, "don't worry about it, Darl. I'll fill in for ya this arvo, and you can do my Wednesday lunch duty. How's that?" I thanked her. Relieved, I hugged her and cleaned myself up.

When school had finished, I made a mad dash to the car park. I knew I was just putting off the inevitable. I'd have to show my face in front of the parents sooner or later, but I decided it was Monday's problem.

I checked my phone before I headed off to Liam's place. He had sent me a shirtless picture of himself with some rope curled up around his shoulder and written, One of my costumes has a rope. It made me think of you. I'm about to leave. See you soon.

Dammit, I couldn't think of a response to that one! I sat and thought about it for ages. I was not about to give in easily. Then it came to me. I got my water bottle and one of my spare undies from my overnight bag. I wet them a bit, put the underwear and water bottle on the bag and took a picture of them both. I wrote. My water bottle leaked in my bag, and my panties got wet. It made me think of you. I'm on my way.

The three circles came up within seconds, and Liam sent, You are in so much trouble, Sweetheart. Park around the back.

And because I can't control my tongue in real life or texts, I wrote back, That's what she said.

I didn't wait for a reply. I just put an audiobook on and drove.

Part 12

[sweeethinny]

some time ago I wrote this fic, and today, after listening to some good 100 times this song, I had to write something about it, so I put these stories together and showed Harry's vision, how they ended up meeting (and I know, I say that Harry was a nurse, but I only noticed this after writing almost 2000 thousand words, which means that I am not going to change this new story and just deleted the paragraph that referred to it, thank you very much.)

I do not agree with any act of vandalism

It was a normal Friday at the bar, the same guys from the executive building had come over after the office spoke badly about the boss, the women from the accounting department went to get the portion of shrimp, chips and salad, along with the usual beers, and almost everyone who was there, Harry knew. It was supposed to be a normal Friday.

But then, the door opened and a redhead came in, not the one who worked at the makeup shop on the corner, nor the teacher of the elementary who would marry next week, no, this was a new. She was short, but she wore black high-heeled boots that stuck to her knee, a black pantyhose, a matching skirt and a gray turtleneck sweater, which made her look like she was coming from a funeral. The redhead was one, if not, the most beautiful woman who had ever entered there, with her hair at the height of her breasts, loose and messy from the wind, big brown eyes, and freckles that painted all over her skin.

''Good night'' Her voice reached him, sweet and melodious, she sat at the bar in front of Harry and that alerted her that she could be coming from a funeral, because if it was a date, she wouldn't sit down there. There were deep dark circles that matched the whole sad scene he had created - a habit he had created since opening the place, always trying to guess what each person was doing there - and Harry almost wanted to hug her and offer his condolences. ''The strongest you have''

''Good night’' He tried hard to say, not wanting to look too shocked by her beauty, serving her properly with the strongest whiskey on the shelf ''Some say it makes fire come out of your ears'' He joked, trying to pull it out least a glare from the most listless brown eyes he had ever seen

‘’Is he good at setting someone on fire too?’’ Harry had met some people during his six years working there, and whenever someone started with these chats, he knew that some tragic love story would reach his ears.

‘’I’ve never tested it, but we’ve already used it to flambe one of our desserts and burned the ceiling’’ Even with that, the story that always made someone at least smile a little terrified, the woman remained listless. Harry beckoned Andrew to take his place by attending Andy, the painter who worked on the fifth floor of the building. "Is everything okay?" The redhead drank the entire dose, tapping the glass on the counter and wiping the drop that ran down the corner of her mouth before crossing her arms and looking at all the people around, as if she were envious of every smile that appeared on unknown faces

‘’Have you ever been betrayed?’’ Harry looked at her, picking up the ice and lemons as he continued to work on the drink from table five, trying to buy time to answer it.

‘’Hm ... Not that I know’’ At least none of his ex’s had said anything about it in the end.

''You should be thankful'' He poured another shot when she pushed the glass towards him, and she took it in a few seconds, her cheeks turning as red as her hair ''It sucks'' Her brown eyes shone for a second and Harry prepared to pick up the handkerchiefs he kept nearby, but then they dried up and were so lifeless they looked ashes

‘‘I’m sorry’’ He smiled when Tom took the glass with the freshly brewed drink, and went back to paying attention to her ‘’What is your name? I never saw you around here’’

‘‘Ginny ’’

‘’Harry’’ The pretty redhead stretched out her hand in greeting, forcing a smile

‘’Do you know everyone who shows up here?’’ He shook her cold hand

''Good part, usually people talk about their lives and we end up remembering them'' Ginny nodded, focusing her eyes on the empty glass in front of her and seeming to think about several things at the same time, and if it weren't for Rihana's music playing, Harry thought he could hear the gears working

‘’My boyfriend ... well, ex boyfriend, he came here. Do you know him?'' She opened the photo on her cell phone, showing her next to Michael, smiling from ear to ear as they drank ice cream, and Harry did his best to contain the shock when he saw the man who worked in the tattoo parlor and never left the bar alone. How could anyone betray someone like her?

‘’Huh… Yes. I think we talked at one time or another’’ He omitted, not wanting to delve into the fact that he had introduced Jones to Michael yesterday.

'’It seems that everyone knew that he was cheating on me but they didn't want to tell me. They preferred to make me a clown! My own friends!’’ This time there were tears, and Ginny made no effort to contain them ‘‘I am an idiot’’

''Of course not, they are'' Harry sat on the bench across from her, still on his side of the bar ''Michael didn't deserve you'' Not after going out with more than a year with several girls ( and he didn't think it was a short relationship, due to her sadness) ''You are too beautiful for him'' Ginny finally laughed, a little bitterly, but still a laugh

‘’And who would I be pretty to?’’ Harry shrugged

‘’I don’t know,I don't think there is a guy for work. But if you like women, maybe you’re more lucky’’ She laughed again, sniffling and wiping tears from her sweater sleeve. This time he took the handkerchiefs.

‘’We were together for five years ... Five years and God knows how many betrayals’’ His heart ached, wanting to go back in time and hit that filthy guy in the face ‘’I arrived on a trip and .. surprise! There he was with the barmaid on our sofa’’ Ginny forced a smile, taking the rest of the whiskey and hiding her face with her hands, seeming to cry even more

‘’He’s an idiot, you know that, don’t you?’’

‘’No more than me’’ Harry denied, taking the hands off her pretty face, trying his hardest not to wipe her tears-wet cheeks, or putting the red strands behind her ear, just taking another handkerchief and handing it over

‘‘It is forbidden to self-sabotage in this bar’’ Ginny laughed softly, wiping her wet face and giving little sobs ‘’I won’t let you think shit about you, when he was the one who missed. There was no way for you to know, there are no signs or any indications to let us know that the person is complete shit.’’

‘‘Well, there should be, I’d avoid a few years of being an idiot’’ Harry swallowed, not sure what to say, but then remembering something. He opened the drawer next to it, pulling out a box he had gotten from his mother and was saving for later

‘‘Take one’’ Harry pointed to the untouched chocolates, pulling the lid off and placing it close to her face ‘‘My uncle always says they improve any mood’’

‘’How can I know they’re not poisoned?’’ It was a valid question

‘’Pick one, and I’m going to eat’’ She looked at him, her brown eyes looking more like melted sugar and less like the ash at the bottom of the fireplace. Harry preferred that look, even if smudged with mascara. Ginny pulled out one of the truffles and handed it over, which he ate with common devotion, feeling the incredible taste of cherry liqueur mixed with dark chocolate, all melting in his mouth in the most perfect way. ‘’The best in all of London’’ He smiled ‘’Now, take one’’ And the redhead did it.

‘’Thank you’’ She smiled a little sheepishly, chewing on the truffle that should have been chocolate and pepper, and looking a little calmer than a few minutes ago. At least the hiccups were almost gone. ''I wanted to get back at him'' Maybe it was her beauty, maybe it was the fact that Harry thought he owed her something because he never noticed Michael dating - even if it was impossible, as he said, there were no signs or indicators - but it didn't take long for him to respond;

‘’Do you want help?’’ And so it was that after work, he ended up taking Ginny to a nearby neighborhood to break Michael’s car

‘’Don’t worry, my brother works at the police station and can cover up a case of vandalism. If, Michael has the courage to report, which I doubt’’ She reassured him, sitting in the passenger seat and finishing eating the last chocolate from the box, which he willingly gave her

‘’So, is this it?’’ He parked on the corner, happy that there were no security cameras on the street or the buildings around. The gray car was parked not far away, looking brand new.

‘‘Yep’’ Ginny got out of the car, looking much more angry than when she arrived at the bar, putting on the hoodie that Harry had borrowed and going steadily towards her final destination.

As promised, he followed her, taking care of her back while the redhead did all the destruction with a golf club he kept in the trunk, scratching the shiny paint and murmuring swear words and slightly incoherent phrases

''I once found panties in the back seat'' She said while explaining why the car ''And he told me I was going crazy, that that was my panties'' Ginny rolled her eyes, her cheeks purple "And when I once complained that he spent more time taking care of the car than going out with me, he said, 'it's just that the car doesn't complain so much'".

Harry looked over his shoulder, seeing that she was spilling a jar of old oil, which he had taken out to put in the trash, on the seats and steering wheel, while angry tears fell from her eyes, leaving her much more mascara painted than before.

As soon as she finished, falling in the middle of the street and sobbing in a loud cry, Harry knew he needed to get them out of there before some curious neighbor wanted to know what that noise was, or was going to take out the trash, so he picked her up as if it were the most precious thing in the world, letting Ginny soak his shirt with tears and shaking hands to grab him as if it were the only thing that would protect her at that moment

‘’Why does it still hurt, Harry?’’ Her tone made his chest ache and tighten, placing it inside the car and then leaving the crime scene - could it be called that?.

‘‘I don’t know, Ginny’’ he say sincerely ‘‘Revenge never really comforts, it doesn’t bring anything back’’

‘’He had no right to play with me like that!’’ 

''No''

''I hate him so much'' The sobs echoed back in the car ''I don't think I'll ever be able to love anyone again'' Harry looked at her, her hair totally messed up, her face dirty with makeup and red from drink, her eyes swollen crying, and red lips trembling, looking just as vulnerable as Teddy on waking from a nightmare or going 5 minutes without Tonks or Remus around. Harry sighed, saddened that a woman like her was suffering like that for someone so ridiculous and filthy, that he didn't deserve even a hair of her stress. Ginny definitely deserved to be happy and to be loved, and it was a shame that they met at a time like this, because Harry can imagine himself - even if for a second - by her side.

‘’It’s never too long ... There must be someone’’.

[gold-and-rubies]

In It For The Long Haul - Chapter 15

Claudia POV

Claudia sighed as she stepped out of the power armor. As stiff as she would get wearing it for a prolonged period, the warmth was enough to not want to leave it.

The trip to The Castle had been incredibly successful. It looked like it was doing well, they had found schematics for some artillery, and Ronnie Shaw… she was something else. Despite MacCready’s opinion, she quite liked her. Though, she did not blame him. He did not seem to care for most forms of authority.

She stretched out her back and neck before turning to speak to MacCready. She could have sworn he had been looking at her, but his eyes were fixed on their shared house. She turned to look at it, but saw nothing out of the ordinary.

“Did you see something?” she asked.

“Huh? Oh, oh no. Just a um, a trick of the light,” he sputtered.

She swore she saw him blush, though she was unsure if it was just the cold. She raised an eyebrow, confused. As she opened her mouth she was cut off by the sound of footsteps. A voice spoke before she turned around.

“Dia?”

She paused. She did not turn to see who it was. Too scared to be wrong. Despite the raspiness it was so familiar.

“Dia, is it really you?” he asked.

She looked at him slowly, already on the verge of tears. The necrotic face of a ghoul man met her eyes. Behind the age and dead tissue was a face she loved and knew very well. Her ghoulified brother was standing in front of her.

With a broken sob she almost tackled him with a hug. “Andy,” she cried.

He held her tightly without a word. She sobbed into his shoulder. She had accepted that her family was likely long gone, or at least she’d probably never see any of them. But now she was holding on to her little brother like if she let go he’d turn to dust.

It felt like everything he had been burying for the past few months broke out of her. All that pain finally made its way out of her. He cried too, which just made her hold him tighter. After all she was still his big sister.

They stood sobbing with a mix of emotions in each other's arms. She was unsure how long they stayed like that, but she did not really care.

When they did finally pull away, she still held onto his arms. Afraid to let go. She had to tilt her head up to look him in the face. He had grown a bit since she had last seen him. He was now at least a foot taller than her.

“What are you doing here?” she asked. Her voice was almost as hoarse as his.

“It’s a long story, but the shorter version is I caught word that the Minutemen had a new general. Last name of Flynn. I was curious to see if it was one of your descendents. But the more I heard, the more it sounded like you, but nothing said you were a ghoul, so I was confused. I had to see for myself who you really are.”

“Well, it’s me,” she laughed weakly.

“Yeah, I can see that,” he smiled, “and as relieved and happy I am to see you, how do you still look like you?”

Her smile turned to a frown, “Cryostasis vault.”

“Some world you woke up to.”

She sighed, “No shit.”

He laughed, “At least you didn’t have to live through the early days. Especially back in California.”

“I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through. Andy, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be. None of it was your fault.”

“Still, it must’ve been hell.”

“It was, but we can talk about that more later. You have to introduce me to your… friend,” he smirked slightly.

She furrowed her eyebrows at him. She was not fond of how he said that. As much as she loved him, he could get on her nerves pretty quickly.

“Right,” she cleared her voice and turned to MacCready, “Andy, this is MacCready. MacCready, this is my little brother Andrew.”

“Little?” he exclaimed, “I am at least a foot taller than you, and I’ve actually aged, unlike you!”

“I’m still older than you. That’s never going to change.”

He rolled his eyes, “Okay old woman.”

“It’s only two years.”

“Says the one who insists it matters.”

She rolled her eyes, “Whatever. Anyway, this is my brother.”

“Nice to meet you, MacCready,” he held out his hand.

MacCready shook it, “Nice to meet you too.”

“So, are you one of the Minutemen?”

“Not exactly. He’s a mercenary I hired. I needed help getting around. Ended up becoming one of my closest friends and kinda part of the Minutemen,” she explained. She felt more comfortable telling Andy the truth, than she had with Ronnie. She trusted him not to judge either of them too harshly.

“Not the worst thing in the world. A friend of hers is a friend of mine. Anyway, you two just got back from… somewhere, right? I’ll let you get settled.”

“We should talk later.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said sarcastically, and walked off towards one of the other houses. Some things never change.

She looked at MacCready. His face was unreadable. He scratched the back of his neck.

“I, uh, didn’t know you had a brother,” he paused for a moment, “but I don’t blame you for not talking about him. I know how hard it can be to talk about family….”

“I have a feeling we’re going to have to have a hard conversation,” she sighed, “but it’s good to have him back.”

***

“Where are you going?” Claudia asked from the couch. MacCready was standing in the hallway with his rifle slung over his shoulder.

“Target practice. I figured that this is probably going to get personal, for both of you, so i wanted to give you some space.”

“Oh, well, thank you.”

“‘Course,” he nodded, “Besides, even though I’m probably the best sniper in the Commonwealth, I could use practice.”

She scoffed at him as he left. A few moments later there was a knock on the front door. Andrew was waiting for her when she opened it.

“Come in.”

He came in, and made a beeline for the couches where an old stove had been converted into a fireplace. It was a piece of her own handiwork that she had made in some downtime.

“I saw MacCready leave. You two live together?” he asked.

“Yeah?” she narrowed her eyes at him.

“You sure you guys are just friends?”

“Yes, Andrew, I’m sure. It’s not like we’re sharing the same bed every damn night.”

She had a feeling that was why he was smirking earlier. Drawing conclusions that did not exist, as usual. She remembered every time she brought up a guy he would insist that she liked him. He was rarely right.

“You’ve shared the same bed?” he asked. Save for a raised eyebrow, his face was completely straight. She could hear the humor in his voice though.

“Andrew,” she glared at him.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

She sat in the armchair to the right of the couch. Despite the familiarity an awkwardness hung in the air. She did not know where to start.

“So… cryostasis, huh? How long have you been out of the vault?”

“A little over two months.”

“Not many stories to tell then. Two hundred ten years… where do I start?” he sighed.

“We don’t have to talk about this.”

He shook his head, “No, I want to. It’s just hard,” he was quiet for a moment, “When the bombs dropped we didn’t have a vault to go to, but the nearest bomb dropped in the bay, so radiation wasn’t too bad for us. But those first years were, hard is an understatement. Mom died five years later due to some asshole thieves. Dad died eight years after her trying to save some people from a pack of feral dogs. I started turning into a ghoul at that point. Radiation was making its way inland.”

“Stayed in California for the few friends that were still alive. Stayed a while longer after they died. Then all of the shit with the Master and the mutants happened. That bastard is the reason for the mutants in the west. A lot of other stuff happened, but now isn’t the time for a history lesson….”

“You want something to drink?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

He continued as she got drinks, “After that mess I decided to head East. I wanted to know what happened to you and Grandma. You wouldn’t happen to know what happened, would you?”

“No,” she sighed, “She was doing some shopping when it happened. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I made peace with her death a long time ago.”

She handed him a can of purified water.

“Anyway, it took me about a year and a half to get to Boston. Saw a lot of stuff. I spent a lot of time here looking for you, trying to figure out what happened to you. I never found any bones or anything, so I hoped you had made it into a vault. I would’ve investigated them, but I’ve never had a Pip-Boy, so I couldn’t get in if I wanted to. Probably for the best. At best they’re control vaults, at worst they produce super mutants.”

He took a sip of his water, “Couldn’t handle being here, so I headed south to the Capital Wasteland. Ended up leaving and bouncing around areas between here and there eventually. Mostly due to the Brotherhood and the Enclave.”

“Enclave?”

“I’m not honestly too sure. All I can say is overly corrupt remnants of the government. They’re gone now.”

“Anyway, last place I was at was an inn of sorts. I was working as their handyman. Then I got word of a new general of the Minutemen. General Flynn. I couldn’t help myself. I had to know if she was one of your descendants. If you made it into a vault. Never expected it to actually be you,” his voice broke with a sob.

She got up from her chair, and sat next to him. She pulled him into a hug, fighting back her own tears. She let himself cry into her shoulder. She could not imagine what he had been through. Two months had been tough, but two hundred years… she tried not to think about it. Right now all that mattered was that they were both alive, and even after two hundred years she was still the big sister.

[thirtecnth1]

⌠GEORGE MACKAY . CISMALE . HE/HIM⌡❝ — well, look who’s just arrived ! if it isn’t the one and only ANDREW KASPBRAK. though, around here they’re known as THE DESPONDENT. don’t tell ‘em i said this but the TWENTY-SEVEN year old BARTENDER at LUCKY’S TAVERN kinda has a reputation of being STUBBORN and DEPRESSIVE. but y’know, they can be EMPATHETIC and TRUSTWORTHY too. typical PISCES. anyways, welcome home and stay safe, ANDY ! ❞ 

GENERAL

FULL NAME: Andrew David Kaspbrak AGE: 27 years old DATE OF BIRTH: February 22nd SEXUALITY: Bisexual MISC INFO: Human

APPEARANCE

HEIGHT: 6′ 0″ HAIR: Auburn EYE COLOR: Blue

BACKGROUND

HOMETOWN: Misty Hollow, Connecticut INCOME STATUS: Lower Class FATHER: Frank Kaspbrak ( deceased ) MOTHER: Betty Kaspbrak  SIBLINGS: Annabelle “Annie” Kaspbrak ( older ) ( missing ) SIGNIFICANT OTHER: N/A HOBBIES: Mechanical work, photography, puzzles, collecting, fixing and renovating antiques.

STORY POINTS

Andy was born and raised here. He heard all the rumors and stories, he even explored many of them but he just-- never left.

There was a difference to this town than anywhere else and since he didn’t have the means to leave it, he never did and instead strived to try to go to college someday. 

He was smarter than many people gave him credit for too, he loved to find old things that were often thrown out and fix them so they looked brand new and beautiful again.

His sister often encouraged his intelligence, giving him new puzzles and eventually coming to him for anything that needed fixing in her car. She was his best friend and the person he looked up to in life. A huge light.

After their father’s liver gave out from the alcohol and he passed away, she was left to be a big provider in the family. Andy helped where he could but he couldn’t do much until he was really of working age. She wanted him to focus on his education and he would-- if only for her.

He was ecstatic when she was married. Sure, the guy was a jerk to him, but as long as he took care of his big sister, he was happy. 

But he was wrong. As soon as she announced to the family that she was pregnant, her eyes seemed so dark. Dull. It seemed like he was the only one that noticed.

A couple weeks after that, she went missing. Her husband said she ran off after telling him that the baby wasn’t his and she wasn’t ready for a family.

Andy knew it was a lie. It had to be. No one would believe Andy, however. It took him months to try to clear her name and then when more than a year passed, the case was closed. Set.

By then, he became so invested in trying to find her that he messed up every shot he had of getting into college. There was no time for that. He had to try to find evidence. 

Instead, he took up a job as a bartender; listening instead of talking. It paid good money and he was good at what he did because of dear old dad. 

It allowed him to move out and do things on his own and that was enough... At least, just for now.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

1. Sister’s Ex-Husband: He still lives in town and is known as the bachelor now as far as Andy’s concerned. You would think that he had the decency to at least be nice to the brother of his lost wife, but that would be false. The feeling is mutual, however. Andy hates him just as much for taking away his sister and niece or nephew.

2. Childhood Friend: Someone that’s stuck with him through thick and thin. They were there during the worst parts of his childhood and want to help guide him back to the right direction.

3. Regular: They come to the bar pretty frequently and he’s always ready to speak with them. As far as Andy’s concerned, they just have an interesting and awesome life so he’d like to hear more about it. Funny enough, he knows way more about them than they know about him.

4. Therapist: He was forced to go for his mother’s sake and while he hates it, it does make him feel better from time to time with dealing with his grief. He just hopes that one day they’ll declare him “cured” and back off.

5. First Love / First Crush / Crush: He’s completely enamored by them. They’re such a light in his existence that he almost stops what he’s doing to pay attention to them. The only reason he hasn’t tried anything (again or for the first time), is because he’s afraid of something happening to them like his sister.

...More to come, I’m sure! 

[heycasbutt]

Limerence

A/N: Something sweet and Sam to satiate your appetite. I love you all and I hope you enjoy. 

He was 6 feet 4 inches, and 220 pounds of raw muscle and hazel eyes. He absolutely oozed sexual energy and it took nearly everything in your power not to crawl across the bar and claim him as your own. You had imagined his broad hands running up and down your sides in a dimly lit motel room, one that smelled of stale smoke, the wallpaper yellowed by years of wear, holes worn in the carpet. But the two of you wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.

He rolled through town every few months with his brother, a shorter, slightly stockier man, but not any less attractive by any means.

You were a bartender at the local roadhouse, and when the boys came in you knew the shorter one liked a whiskey neat, with a side of the owner, Ellen’s daughter, Jo, and the taller one usually nursed a single pint of beer at the bar while the two of you made small talk in between patrons. The two of you never exchanged more than the small mundane details of your days, you didn’t even know his name.

“So, what brings you through this time?” You asked, wiping the inside of a beer stein down with a wet rag.

“Sam.” He started, his hazel eyes blowing dark with something you couldn’t quite figure out. Lust? Alcohol? You couldn’t quite tell, but it was definitely something.

“What?” You stopped your cleaning, setting the glass on the bar and leaning forward. Like you hadn’t quite heard the words come out of those perfect pink lips.

“My name. I know we don’t do names and I just sit here while my brother goes and gets in Jo’s pants. But I’m Sam, Sam Winchester.” He said softly, his hand wrapping around his pint glass as he tipped it up to his mouth to swill down some of the liquid inside.

“I’m Y/N,” You wiped your hands on your apron and stuck one out in a friendly gesture. He grasped it in his larger one, and for once, you felt safe.

“Beautiful,” He almost whispered the endearment, but it sounded loud, even in the crowded bar. Suddenly the outside world was just that. Outside, background noise to the musical sound of Sam’s laughter as you cracked a terrible joke. Background noise to your hushed conversation.

Before long it was 2:00 am and time for last call.

“Can I give you my number?” He bit his lip shyly. Shy was the absolute last thing you expected this man to be.

“So does that mean I’ll be seeing you again?” A smile tinged your lips as you grabbed a napkin and scrawled your name and number on it, sliding it across the bar.

“Hopefully. As long as Jo still wants to let Dean in her pants.” He replied with a small chuckle, tucking the napkin into the pocket of his oversized jacket.

You didn’t get a chance to quip back at the man before his bow-legged companion wandered back through the door, Jo following closely behind him, straightening out her tank top and smoothing out her mussed hair. Ellen simply rolled her eyes and you slid a double whiskey over to the one named Dean.

“Man, you are an angel in the desert aren’t you?” Dean mulled over the glass in front of him for a thoughtful second before downing the contents in one long swig.

“Damn.” You muttered under your breath. Even the roughest toughest hunters who had wandered into the bar couldn’t down a double of top-shelf whiskey like that.

“Regretting giving me your number now?” Sam chuckled, reaching across the bar into a stash of peanuts and taking a handful.

“No. Absolutely not. I’ve just never seen anyone do that. Not even the oldest, roughest, toughest hunters.” You mused pouring Sam another beer as the last of the patrons wandered out of the bar, and Ellen locked the door behind them.

“We ain’t ordinary, sweetheart,” Dean slurred as he pulled Jo onto his lap, diving in and peppering her neck with kisses while she giggled.

“I should probably get him back to the motel.” Sam laughed softly as he attempted to disentangle the two bodies, seemingly glued together by sweat and alcohol. It took nearly 20 minutes to separate the two, Dean spitting obscenities about Sam never letting him have any fun and Jo complaining she was a ‘grown ass woman’

“Promise you’ll call?” You winked at the brawny man as he all but carried his brother from the roadhouse.

“Cross my heart.” He flashed you a smile and with that, he disappeared out the door. Hopefully not forever.

**

It was 2 days before you heard from the boy again. You were in the middle of closing up the bar, sweeping the peanut shells from under the pool table when your phone began vibrating. An unknown number popped up and you hesitated before answering the call, cradling it between your shoulder and ear while you kept sweeping.

“Hello?”

“Is this Y/N?”

“This is she, who is this?”

“It’s Sam. Sam Winchester. From the other night?” You could almost see him cast those hazel eyes down to the floor, a slight chuckle rumbling through his body.

“Oh, your brother is the one banging Jo, right?” You laughed softly and leaned against the bar, a stupidly big smile plastered across your face.

“Guilty,” He admitted sheepishly, another laugh rumbled its way through the phone. It seemed to roll through your body, setting loose a horde of butterflies in your stomach.

“To what do I owe this pleasure then, Mr. Winchester?” You leaned forward on the counter as though he was in front of you and you were trying to soak up every last word from those perfect pink lips of his.

“I was just wondering if you were free Sunday morning for brunch? Dean says he’s meeting up with Jo the night before and won’t be home.”

“I’d love that, wanna go to Andy’s out near the highway?” It was one of your favorites.

“Sounds good, I’ll meet you at the roadhouse at 8:00 on Sunday morning.”

“It’s a date.”

**

Andy’s was a small mom and pop diner out by the highway. It was the one constant you’d had in your life since Ellen had brought you to the roadhouse nearly 8 years before. The checkered floors, aluminum table tops, and vinyl booths provided a sort of security blanket for you. The owner, Caroline was always there, a smile plastered on her round face, an apron tied around her waist. It was like coming home. Her husband, Andrew, was the restaurant’s namesake, and when he had passed 15 years ago, she couldn’t bear to let the restaurant wither away.

When you walked into the diner with Sam, Caroline’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head as you grabbed his hand lightly and led him to the booth in the corner where you always sat, you always came alone. He sat across from you, taking in the photographs on the wall, the neon signs pointing to the restrooms and the kitchen.

“Good Morning, doll, the usual?” Caroline’s sweet smile and sweet demeanor seemed to accent the already glaringly bright interior.

“Yeah, make it 2 for my, uh, friend here,” You gestured to Sam who still hadn’t taken his eyes off the photographs. You couldn’t help but admire the sharp angle of his jawline, covered in a light smattering of stubble.

“Alright darling, I’ll be right back.”

The silence that settled over the booth when Caroline disappeared was absolutely deafening and you wondered if you had made a mistake coming here with Sam. You looked down at your hands and began to pick at the skin around your nails when he finally spoke.

“It’s cute,” The deep rumble of his voice nearly startled you. You looked up and found yourself pulled in by the deep hazel pools underneath a mess of chestnut hair.

“It’s home. Well, as home as one can find out here,” You laughed softly while Caroline set down 2 cups of coffee and 2 glasses of orange juice, flitting back to the kitchen.

“What about Ellen, Jo, and the Roadhouse? I know I only see Jo when she gets plastered and bangs Dean, but I bet she’s not a terrible person to be around.” Sam slowly sipped his coffee, somehow never taking his eyes from you.

“Jo is great, she’s one of my best friends. Ellen’s like a mom to me, after my parents were killed by skinwalkers when I was 14, she took me in, and when I was old enough, she gave me a job at the roadhouse, it wasn’t exactly how I envisioned but, what can you do when you’re orphaned at 14 and have no one else around,” You bit back the hot tears that pricked the corners of your eyes.

“What did you want to be when you were 14?” Sam’s large hand came to rest on your arm and you smiled softly at the sentiment. No words were exchanged, but you felt like you had the first time you had met and he shook your hand, safe.

“I wanted to go to law school and become a lawyer. Constitutional Law, actually,” You quickly separated from his touch as Caroline set 2 plates of pancakes, bacon, and eggs down in front of the both of you.

“Anything else?” She asked sweetly, you shook your head no, said a quick thank you, and she was gone before you could blink.

“So law school?” Sam asked around a mouthful of fluffy pancakes. You swallowed down some of your orange juice before you spoke.

“Yeah. Mom was a lawyer, dad was a lawyer, and so it was almost an expectation that I would be a lawyer.”

“You never wanted to be though, did you?”

“I wanted to be a teacher. Elementary. But dad always said there was no money to be found in education so I relented and started pursuing law school. What about you? You don’t look like the type that would have ‘hunter’s life’ as his number one choice for a future.”

“I was the same. Well kind of, I was at Stanford when Dean showed up. I had an interview for law school the next Monday but I never made it. My girlfriend was killed by a demon and I’ve been on the road with Dean ever since. It’s not an easy life, that’s for sure but I’ve gotten used to it,” Sam shrugged and took another bite of his pancakes, a drop of syrup hanging off the edge of his lip.

“You’ve uh..got a little something,” You laughed softly and motioned to the side of your mouth.

“Thanks,” He chuckled softly, wiping away the sticky remains.

2 hours, 2 plates of pancakes a piece, 6 cups of coffee between the two of you and you had come to know Sam Winchester on a level you didn’t even know your closest friends on. He liked being a hunter but often fantasized about the white picket fence, apple pie life that he could have had if he would have stayed behind.

“We should probably head back to the roadhouse, Dean’s gonna start wondering what’s taking so long and Ellen’s probably about to send out a search party for me” You laughed softly and peeked at your watch, nearly 10:30. “Caroline, can I get the check?”

“It’s on the house today, sweetie. Be safe, and come back soon!” She chirped from behind the register and you couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across your face as Sam took your hand and led you back to the sleek Impala sitting in front of the restaurant.

The drive back to the roadhouse was spent in companionable silence, the radio was turned to an NPR station, the host droning on softly in the background. The windows were rolled down, a sweet breeze blowing in your face. Sam had one hand on the steering wheel and one long arm extended across the back of the bench seat.

“I had fun, um would you maybe wanna do this again?” Sam broke the silence as he threw the car in park in front of the roadhouse. You couldn’t help but smile at him and nod, maybe a little too eagerly.

“I’d like that,” You smiled sliding out of the car, shutting the door and leaning in through the open window.

“I’ll call you, cross my heart.”

[gavillain]

So with the year about to close, I’m once again doing my annual Top Ten Villains of This Year list. My personal rule for doing this: these characters are judged solely on the merits of their 2018 appearances, and I’m not going to include any villain who has appeared on last year’s list (which you can read here), even if they would still make the cut. Also bear in mind that this is only from media that I actually saw/read/played this year, so forgive me if your favorite isn’t here because I might not have seen them. New December movies in particular slipped through my fingers.

List under the cut

10. Lotor (Voltron: Legendary Defender)

Ever since Lotor first debuted, he's never been villainous enough for me. He's been positioned in villainous roles, but he never really did anything all that bad or evil. Season six, however, sees the true depth of his evil finally get revealed. His obsession with his Altean heritage and loathing of his Galra side is interesting from a psychological perspective, and his actions as the seemingly benevolent but truly vicious leader of the Altean refugees really highlight how truly sinister this guy was. He has quite a lot of blood on his hands all done to fuel his thirst for power. The final battle with him in the quintessence field was pretty cool too. I love seeing normally refined and restrained villains just totally lose it and go balls to the wall psycho and that's exactly what we got. We really finally got to see Lotor for who he was beneath all of the false masks he showed to Team Voltron and the audience, and, for that, I definitely consider him one of the year's best.

9. Barbara Kean (Gotham)

Gotham every year always has a great villain to highlight, and while I assume most Gotham fans are coming out of this year talking about the Valeska brother, I think Barbara Kean really showed her stuff this year. Barbara's had an interesting journey on the show, going from a bland love interest to a psycho ex-girlfriend to a Fish Mooney esque crime boss to this season becoming the heir of Ra's al Ghul himself. This year we saw Barbara Kean inherit Ra's al Ghul's mantel as the Demon's Head and assuming control over the League of Assassins. She proceeded to immediately put the sexist men in their place and established a lethal team of female assassins to serve her. It's fun to see Barbara taking on a new mantel and even being instrumental in taking down the original Ra's al Ghul when his schemes go too far. Her ultimately taking charge as the leader of the Gotham Sirens and declaring her turf a violently men-free-zone is a fun touch that I look forward to seeing get followed up in season five.

8. Magica DeSpell (DuckTales)

When I first heard that the DuckTales reboot was building up Magica DeSpell as some serious business Big Bad, I was definitely among those scratching my head. Magica had always just been a reoccurring funny villain with wacky hijinks rather than anyone who acted as a true Knight of Cerebus. However, 2017 DuckTales pulled it off and did so WONDERFULLY. Magica is not only a big serious villain and threat; she also maintains her same charismatic and funny personality. You see her manipulating Lena to giving up her body and unleashing ultimate darkness whilst still cracking jokes and going after Scrooge's number one dime. It's hard to balance genuine serious villainy with comedy, and it's a balancing act that the Disney villains of the 90s had down pat. And that's exactly what Magica feels like: a harkening back to that golden breed of Disney villains, and I hope to see her continue on in season two.

7. The Sanderson Sisters (Hocus Pocus: The All New Sequel)

This was the twenty-fifth anniversary of Hocus Pocus, and, to celebrate, Disney released a sequel novel that included both a novelization of the original film and an all new story set years later. The Sanderson Sisters are iconic and hilarious villains who have long been among my all time faves, so seeing them return in book form was a rare treat. This time, the Sandersons are scheming to bring all of the witches back from Hell to take over the world, and it's pretty scary reading Winnie's evil literally sending innocent people to Hell to exchange for evil witches. Mary also gets a solo musical number about her relationship with Winnie that's a lot of fun and sheds a new light on her character. It's operating at about the same level as A Twisted Tale in terms of quality so it's not hitting anything out of the ballpark, but seeing the Sandersons get treated to new content coinciding with their twenty-fifth anniversary is really fun and is worth their inclusion for sure.

6. Killmonger and Klaue (Black Panther)

The biggest movie of the year also gave us two of the very BEST villains of the year in the form of Killmonger and Klaue. Klaue, as portrayed by Andy Serkis, is naturally fun as a sinister and charismatic thief and arms dealer, filling sort of the "funny villain" quotient for the film. He's enjoyable and a treat to watch every time he's on screen. He's an evil white man who is raping African of its natural resources out of his sense of greed and entitlement. Killmonger compliments that nicely by being one of the deepest and most thought provoking character in the entire MCU. Killmonger is fun because not only is he sadistic and someone who enjoys bloodshed, he's also driven by righteous anger over the way that Wakanda has turned its back on black people globally. He has a desire to turn all of that around and remake the world. He may be cold and ruthless, but you can also see where he's coming from and that makes him all the more effective.

5. Salem (RWBY)

Salem, since her debut, has been a generic evily evil who eviled for some evil evil and never really had any texture at all besides being a vague evil. All of that changed this season of RWBY. We now know Salem and Ozpin's backstory. I was enthralled and mystified the entire time during their backstory. The animation, the story telling, everything was top notch. Salem is a woman who was cursed by immortality that hardened her into someone bitter and angry. She lost the man she loved once through death and then after his reincarnation, she lost him through his own fear of what she had become. She really feels like the type of character who is a tragic figure of myth at this point, and I loved how her motivation seems to stem from a bitterness at the gods and a desire to end the world that they created. Very fun for an arch-villain.

4. Red Goblin (The Amazing Spider-Man)

Dan Slott's decade long run as head writer of the Amazing Spider-Man came to an end earlier this year with a grand finale to end all grand finales: Norman Osborn, the Green Goblin, rediscovers Spider-Man's secret identity and bonds with the Carnage symbiote to form the Red Goblin. Now, on some level, I find that whole concept to be very fanwanky, but, on the other, it's REALLY fucking cool. Yeah, Spider-Man writers have a tendency to continuously try to tell the next great Norman Osborn story, and, while this doesn't really rank in my top five, it's a worthy effort. I appreciate how it shows off how vicious and relentless Norman is. Him just fire bombing random people on the street to get under Peter's skin in particular is one of those great twisted moments. I also liked seeing Norman corrupt his grandson Normie Osborn with the symbiote and getting a grandpa's little monster serving him. It's got that fun "he's an assassin and a hostage rolled into one effect. And, of course, the Red Goblin left a permanent mark on Spider-Man history by being the villain who murdered Flash Thompson, long time friend and ally of Peter.

3. Obake (Big Hero 6)

The Big Hero 6 TV show has been a slam dunk for Disney television. Bringing in the same creative minds behind Kim Possible, the show has a great "loving parody of he superhero genre" feel to it whilst still being an epic hero show in its own right, and six heroes are only as good as their villain. Voiced by Andrew Scott of Jim Moriarty fame, Obake is an evil genius mastermind who's always in control of a situation and always crafting diabolical and brilliant schemes. Obake is in many respects a dark image of what Hiro could become: a man who refuses to limit his brilliance by morals or familial ties. His brain has outright been damaged to where his conscience doesn't check him and this brain damage IS slowly killing him, but he accepts it as a reasonable price for his perspective free of morality. But in the end, his schemes were all that he had, and when he's defeated, he has no reason to live and effectively commits suicide after letting Baymax go. There's a really great tragedy to the way he ends up. And, on top of that, he's just a really interesting and charismatic villain with fun quirks, fun minions, and engaging schemes. Easily one of the very best villains to come out of Disney television. 2. Doctor Octopus (Spider-Man PS4)

One of the really smart features of Insomniac's Spider-Man game is that Octavius is actually not Doctor Octopus at all for the first half of the game. Octavius is Peter's friend and boss, and the two of them are working together on cybernetic appendages for prosthetic limbs that respond to the brain waves just like regular limbs. Octavius has a degenerative brain diseases that is causing him to slowly lose control of his motor functions. As such, when he thinks he has the solution, he's overly hasty to use it even though the cerebral interface has a dangerous impact on his personality and moods. It causes him to act upon his worth impulses, particularly his resentment and anger towards Norman Osborn. This turns him into the Doctor Octopus who we all know, much to Peter's sadness. Peter ends up struggling a lot in this game over whether Octavius is worth saving, and it tears him apart when they reach their climax. No spoilers, but it's POWERFUL writing and acting. I particularly like how this version of the characters takes a little from every single iteration of the character without ever feeling unfresh. He has that personal connection and tragic element of the Raimi Ock, he has the intelligent master criminal side of the comics version, he has a design that echoes the sort of "I may be an overweight nerd but I can still kick your ass" appeal of the Spectacular Spider-Man version, and yet they still find his own unique sweet spot of characterizations that perfectly blends with the Insomniac Spider-Man world. I particularly enjoy his use of the Sinister Six and how he gets them all under his control by using his intelligence to give them each what they want so that they're all in debt, but they all genuinely seem to enjoy and admire him. That's an excellent retelling of the Sinister Six that's far more interesting than just "We all hate Spider-Man so let's team up to fight him."

1. Venom (Venom)

This was honestly the biggest and weirdest surprise of the year for me. See, the whole idea of a Venom solo movie is a uniformly bad idea from basically the word "Go." Oh yes, let's do a movie about a villain whose entire character revolves around being a dark version of Spider-Man in a movie that completely omits Spider-Man so that the villain can be the protagonist. That won't backfire at all. Well, of course, it totally backfired into a complete mess, but it happened to create a mess that was entertaining and enjoyable and had an absolutely wonderful and fun take on the Venom character. This film leans hard into the romantic side of Eddie and the Venom symbiote's bond and sort of formats itself as a gay alien romcom. Eddie is a journalist who wants to be a hero through his reporting, but he pursues it at the expense of every meaningful relationship he has. Venom is the runt of his alien litter who on Earth suddenly finds himself as the big fish in a small pond, and he likes it that way. In Venom, Brock finds a relationship that allows him to indulge his savior complex that won't be destroyed by it, and in Brock, Venom finds someone who allows him to indulge his power trip and sense of narcissism. They complete one another. Yes, it's stupid. Yes, it's cheesy. No, it's NOT the Venom we know at all. But, yes, it's a fun and effective route to take the character in the absence of Spider-Man. The thing is that the reason why it's so fun is pretty much all Tom Hardy. Tom Hardy has a weird awful accent, but he also gives this weirdly camp performance that's just captivating and fun. It actually reminds me a bit of Jack Sparrow in a way in that it's so out there, you can't help but he enamored. The Venom symbiote has fun banter and chemistry with Hardy, and the humor is on point. You've got Venom eating gangsters as people around him under-react, and he just shrugs it off with a one-liner. It's that type of thing, and, honestly, I love it. Like when the movie is Tom Hardy and Venom being goofy murder bros together, it's fun and engaging. Eddie himself is definitely more hero than villain, but Venom absolutely counts as far as I’m concerned, even if he is restrained by Eddie’s moral code by the end of it. It's exactly the type of ridiculous villain protagonist fantasy that it needed to be, and even though Venom isn't the main antagonist of his story, he's still easily my favorite villain of 2018... I have no idea what that says about me XD

Also I have all three of Spider-Man's big archenemies on this list in the reverse order that I usually like them XD That's fun lol

[pepsiwriteswords]

15. Joy

This actually got . . . hella personal. I’m not entirely sure what happened. One minute I was mapping out a second person POV of Jax thing, and then all of a sudden it was second person POV, me. ._.

   You only go by your full name in inconsistent bursts. It's always been that way, for yourself and most of your siblings.

   It's bound to happen, when four out of five kids have names beginning with A, and three out of five stutter, or struggle with their Ls or S-s or Rs.

   Jeremy becomes Bo, or Beau, or Bow, and no one can remember why, years down the line. Long after you gave him the name, long after the last time you spoke to him, long after you've lost the memory of giving him the nickname. (You were the one that struggled with your Rs through most of grade school, maybe you were trying to call him 'bro'.)

   Ashlea never got a nickname, from you or anyone else. Whether that's because you never struggled with her name or because your relationship with her has always been more fraught than you'll ever remember is up in the air. (Your clearest memory is of her on top of you, hands wrapped around your wrists and the sidewalk underneath you, after all.)

   Alysha became Eeshie, became Leela, became Eela. The exact rationale is gone now, mostly. She called herself Eeshie through preschool - because she couldn't say her own name for years - and a friend called her Leela. Whether you or your brother gave her Eela probably gets confused, now. (You always gave the nicknames, but he was the baby, and it was always Eela and Roo-Roo.)

   Andrew has always been Andy to you. He is Drew to everyone else. Roo-Roo to Eela, at least for a while. Even now, having only spoken to him once since the year he turned eighteen, you have called him ‘Andrew’ maybe three times in your memory, and that, mostly, would have been to other people. Picking him up from school, introducing him to a friend, snapping at him after one too many shitty little comments.

   You ... probably didn't nickname yourself. You were Alexis, though only occasionally, you were Princess, you were Lex, Lexi, Lexi-Pexi, Lexington-Lex ... You are still Lexi, Lex. You are still Princess, sometimes, though now it is said teasingly, with a smile and a laugh. You are ... a more inappropriate name, thrown around during board games you very rarely win, and it is said with love or not at all and you love every second of it.

   Alexis didn't feel wrong, until recently. (When did it get uncomfortable?) She/her felt fine ... until recently.

   You've always preferred Lexi, or Lex, but that's the point of nicknames, isn't it? It doesn't have to mean anything any deeper than 'I just prefer this name'.

   But even Alysha (Eela) doesn't mind her name. Just the spelling. Ashlea has never gone by a nickname. Andrew is as willing to go by Andrew as he is Andy or Drew or any other name you're willing to throw at him. As far as you know, you are the only one to call Jeremy anything besides Jeremy.

   The first time someone used neutral pronouns for you - because you didn't have them in your bio and a stranger didn't want to assume - you looked at the message a thousand times and beamed every time you saw them. It still took you over a year to start questioning the she/her thing.

   You stop introducing yourself as Alexis - sometimes. It’s the one habit you can’t quite break. Eela helps, because you've always been Lexi to her. You start using they/them - online only, and you keep the she/her for a while. Then you take away the she/her, try it/its on a lark, and it ... it works. It fits.

   You're never going to come out at work, and likely not in your general day-to-day life. But you have at least one person in your real life that has an idea of where you're at and all of your online accounts read 'nonbinary. they/them it/its' and.

   It's enough.

[shirtlesssammy]

13x22: Exodus

Then:

Gabe came back to save the day!

Now:

Sam’s alive! And Lucifer just wants to be part of the gang, and to get to know his son. Dean is in protective Mom mode and tells Gabe to kill Lucifer. All the anger and hostility causes Jack to fly off to safety.

To keep some semblance of order, Cas puts the angel warded handcuffs on Lucifer, while Lucifer tells the group that they have about 31 hours before the rift closes. Rowena’s holding down the fort, and not looking too positive about the whole situation. Also, Sam sets his phones timer for 31 hours. A: Won’t the battery run out before then? And 2: Shouldn’t you maybe set it for 29 hours or something just to be safe?

Dean checks in with Sam to make sure he’s ok, and he is. Dean just thought he lost his brother, and Sam just thought he died. This was a worthy hug.

Now Sam, can you at least clean your blood off your neck? Yuck.

Sam tells Dean that he will handle Lucifer.

Meanwhile, Jack’s off alone reeling from meeting Lucifer for the first time. He flashes back to the video of his mother (was this new footage or from earlier?), and Sam (so protective, so parental), and then to the security guard he accidentally killed and au!Kevin dying for the “cause”. Oh, sweet little nougat (at what age does he have to reach before we have to stop calling him our little nougat?).

Cas escorts Lucifer from point A to point B at the camp (like, where were they going?) Anyway, they take a pit stop so Luci can be snarky and Mary can punch the devil in the face (again). Yay!

Mary is 100% badass and I love her, but do you ever stop to think about how great it was for Sam to have Dean raise him and not Mary or John? They were a mess! Sam and Dean show up to tell Mary they need to start heading back to the rift to make it home in time. Mary tells them she’s not leaving. There’s work to be done here. She’s fought beside the people here. There’s too much to fight for. That goes over like a lead balloon. Sidenote: Mary’s makeup is on point in the AU. Maybe it’s not such a bad place after all?

Cas, Jack, and Lucifer parley and Jack wants to listen (UGH) to what Lucifer has to say.

Lucifer tells Jack that he can ask him anything. “Why does everyone hate you?” Lucifer makes some good points (and some icky rapey Buckleming points, ugh), but nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.

Back in Dean, Sam, and Mary land, Dean’s arguing against fighting the good fight, and asks Sam to back him up, but Sam being Sam, he agrees with Mary. “Wait, what?” Dean asks, incredulous. “Mom doesn’t want to leave these people.” Dean’s poor face. Sam suggests they bring them with, regroup, and come back stronger than ever. Just as Dean questions the ability to cram 25 people through the rift, a VERY dramatic Cas arrives to tell them Jack is now with Lucifer.

Lucifer has a one on one with Jack but TFW interrupts, trying to make it clear to Jack that they’re his family, not Lucifer. Jack then calls Lucifer his father (BIG UGH).

The group heads out to the basecamp.

Mary and Dean get some time to talk. Mary wants Dean to give Jack a break. Man, Mary’s conversation about Jack learning about Lucifer, and seeing him for who he is through his own eyes. Dean should be taking notes on how to think about his own childhood, and his own memories of John.

Gabriel, who was off scouting, comes running at the group alerting them to incoming angels. Battle stances commence, and then the angels just disappear into smoke. It seems the handcuffs don’t work in the AU and Luci just smoked them all, and then dissolved the handcuffs. Oops.

It seems the basecamp is Singer Auto Salvage --it’s not in Sioux Falls but it’s damn nice to see that sign again. And it’s not our Bobby (Goddamnit, where is he?? Andrew Dabb, how have you failed us on that storyline?), but he’s just as much a curmudgeon. Dean asks about Charlie and finds out Ketch and her went off to find an angel kill squad.

Lucifer and Jack continue the family reunion. Lucifer tells him all about the other archangels. Ok, Buckleming, you get one pass if you scripted that high five. It was funny and cute. I give 90% of the credit to Jack though. They meet up with Gabriel.

Gabe can barely hold in his hostility for Lucifer. GABE!

Charlie and Ketch find the angels, but it’s a trap! They’re captured.

Team Free Winchester try to convince the leadership at the camp to head over to Sam and Dean’s world. “You want us to follow you through some magic door that’s gonna blast us the hell out of here and into some fairy tale world where everything’s pretty?”  DUH. Just do it, Andy!

The AU campers will talk about it. At the end of the meeting, Bobby comes up to tell Sam, Dean, and Mary that Charlie and Ketch were captured.

Ketch and Charlie are having a great time hanging with angels. Eating angel food cake, playing ring toss with halos. The whole nine yards. Or, urgh, Ketch is getting tortured and interrogated for the resistance base location. Ketch snarkily resists their efforts, earning my grudging respect. (Boris: Ngl, watching Ketch get tortured was kind of poetic. But he’s on his big redemption arc so I guess it’s also sad. Remember folks: Ketch killed Magda!) Then they bring in the big guns. AU!Castiel, complete with insane lip twitch. AU!Castiel does not look well, as evidenced by his non-floofy hair and rogue eye that's probably gone bad from incessant “reprogramming.”

In the resistance camp, TFW interrogates the human that betrayed Charlie and Ketch. I only picked up on this in the rewatch, but Dean nods to Cas to start and stop his mind meld on the guy. I know this can be seen as teamwork but I'm sort of super duper gutted by that. I keep remembering how Cas oftens sees himself as a tool and I feel like he's in that role right now – an instrument of torture wielded by Dean Winchester.

Anyway.

shudder

Cut to Lucifer whining to Gabriel about how boring it is to wait for an attack. Gabriel is quietly amused at Lucifer's desire to rush out and be big and heroic to impress Jack. “I've known you since the stars were made,” Gabriel tells him and he thinks Lucifer’s full of shit. “Humans are innocent and beautiful,” Gabriel says (while I whisper to him that I suddenly really really love him). Lucifer’s motivation for his corruption of humanity was down to jealousy, plain and simple. Lucifer pulls a single man tear which... Whatever, Luci.

Back with AU!Cas, he hones in on Charlie. “Everyone has a breaking point,” he tells her before he tries to suck her mind out of her head. (I'm definitely NOT thinking about how AU!Cas hit his breaking point. He's broken. Shattered. A sharp blade of pain.) There's a ruckus outside, saving Charlie momentarily. It's Mary and TFW! They bust in and defeat the angels guarding Charlie and Ketch. Outside, Castiel confronts AU!Castiel.

Cas tells Castiel that he's grown used to humanity and that he prefers humans to angels. Despite this, they both agree that they're the same, and then Cas kills AU!Castiel. I have a whole headcanon about this scene. Ready? Okay. AU!Castiel is broken, tortured by Heaven into existing as a mere weapon. Cas sees this and recognizes his fate, his horrible scars and terrible weaknesses. He sees the soldier. He sees the broken person. And he kills him easily because he views it as both mercy and necessity. AU!Cas is irredeemable, so damaged is he. Now, all he can do is rest eternally in the Empty.

Let's take a hug break.

Cas shakes it off (OR DOES HE?) and everyone reunites at the camp. Bobby announces to the Winchesters that they're all planning to head back with them. Super! It's time for a PARTY BUS! Dean fixes a school bus (Natasha fans herself) and everyone piles onto the bus to head out. Sam runs after Jack and tries to keep him from fulfilling his promise to kill Michael. Sam wants them to regroup and plan a good attack and Lucifer agrees. Jack...listens to Lucifer and then calls him “father.” Yikes, Jack.

The vehicles, packed full of many of my favorite characters, head down the road to the rift. Eek! I sure am glad those rifts mostly only open just off of roadways. When they arrive Sam sees the rift is starting to close.

Rowena's exhausted on the other side, desperately trying to keep the rift open. Everyone files in and through. “About bloody time,” Rowena greets Castiel breathlessly. On the other side of the portal, angels zoom in. Michael arrives with an impressive wing display.

Lucifer and Michael begin to fight while Sam, Dean, and Gabe just....stand around picking their noses, I guess. Until Gabe decides to start fighting Michael. Michael pulls out his archangel blade and they fight. We're feeling pretty good about it until Gabriel gets knifed. NOOOOOOOO every time! 

Sam angrily pushes a weakened Lucifer away from the rift and then jumps through. The rift closes behind him leaving Michael and Lucifer behind in the AU.

In the bunker it's a PARTY. Sam thanks Rowena. Charlie and Ketch have forged a friendship (odd but I’ll allow it). Dean and Cas share emotional stares a.k.a. an “eyefuck.” Jack is sad.

Bobby gives the troops a rallying speech and everyone experiences warm and fuzzy feelings. I mean, I certainly do. Look at all their friends! Take that, Team “All My Friends are Dead.”

Back in the AU, Gabriel lies apparently (possibly? definitely?) dead on the ground with charred wings. Lucifer and Michael plot together to get back into the Winchesters’ world and strike a deal. Lucifer will get his son and Michael gets the world. Booo bad deal.

Party Quotes:

What do we do about Lucifer?

You are who you choose to be.

I am not your “sport”

That may be the dumbest friggin’ idea in a landfill of dumb ideas.

You want us to follow you through a magic door that's gonna blast us the hell outta here and into some kind of fairy tale world where everything is pretty?

For whatever reason, I got a good feeling about you two.

See you on the other side, bitches.

And you’re an ass clown.

Way to go, DAD!

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

[roslinadama-sinequanon]

Christmas in Connecticut-Chapter 20 of 20

In this chapter Andy tries to keep his cool when Maura voices her skepticism of his relationship with Sharon. Peggy jumps to Sharon's defense.

Sharon spends some time with Sylvia who has a sentimental gift to give to her soon to be daughter in law.

This is the last chapter of this installment. Stay tuned as the story continues back in LA with "Saying Good-bye to Yesterday" which will focus on the annulments and some of what happened in Season Five. We will meet Winnie Davis and Sandra and there will be a few fireworks with Jack who is not going to be happy about his kids forcing him to sign the annulment papers. As with this story it will weave in and out of canon.

Story available here: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12789981/20/Christmas-in-Connecticut

Here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13293105/chapters/34782611

And here are a couple pics to go along with Andy remembering back to going to the Japanese embassy dinner with Sharon. Didn’t they look gorgeous that night.

You can also read the chapter here:

True to her word, as soon as Gina squeezed into her chair next to Sharon she set in to regale her with stories about Andy as a boy. The others were not content to let Gina steal the show and once she got started Maura, Peggy, Nell, and Sylvia were keen to join her, with Andy jumping in every so often to defend himself or offer explanations. The Flynn siblings were loud and boisterous; they competed with each other, interrupted each other and finished each other’s stories while Sharon was content with sitting back and taking it all in, the calm in the middle of their storm.  

Most of the stories were amusing, though a few made Sharon catch her breath with the danger young Andy had put himself in and the risks he’d taken. He sure hadn’t changed much. Listening to what he had been like as a boy she found that the traits he had as an adult were simply modified versions of those he’d had as a child. The women in his life gave her a clear image of a young boy full of mischief, quick to laugh and just as quick to flare into a temper, a young boy caught between two worlds, defending the honor of both.

“Back then, there was still some rivalry going on and PC wasn‘t something any of us had even heard of,” Andy explained. “To the Italian kids, I was a mick. To the Irish, I was a dago. It felt like I was always fighting somebody.”

“And don’t forget Dennis,” Peggy waved a fork at him. “You were always protecting him.”

“My cousin.” He responded to Sharon’s questioning look.

“Oh. The one with Downs?” Her friend Summer’s daughter Rhiannon had Downs and when Andy met her Sharon had been surprised at the ease and rapport that he’d had with the young woman. She and Summer had been friends since their kids were in diapers and she‘d seen how often people were uncomfortable around Rhiannon, but not Andy. When she had commented on that, he’d told her about Dennis.

“Yes,” Peggy said. “You know how kids are. They can be brutal to anyone different. They were always picking on Dennis. But when Aunt Loretta moved into the building Andy started walking him to school and Dennis didn‘t have any more trouble. Joe couldn’t be bothered, but Andy took care of him, just like he took care of all of us. As much as I hate to admit it, outside of the house he was a pretty decent brother."

"Outside?" Sharon’s brow arched with interest.

"Mmm..." Peggy took a sip of her wine then settled back in her chair giving her brother a little smirk. "Inside the apartment, he could say whatever he wanted about us, complain about us, tease us, pull our pigtails, and let me tell you, he did all of that. A LOT. He could be a little pest. But let anyone outside the house dare say anything bad about any one of us and they’d have Andy in their face.”

It was amusing to see that Andy was actually blushing. That didn’t happen very often. There wasn‘t much in the world that could surprise or embarrass her fiancé but it all rang true. Andy still had a protective streak a mile wide and she had never doubted his loyalty to her or the team. He might grumble about the squad and he loved to jab at them, especially Provenza, but she knew with every ounce of her being that he would step in front of a bullet for any one of them, especially her.

Andy took another helping of mushroom risotto and grew thoughtful. “That all started with Dad. He used to tell me, they’re your sisters, Andy. In this family, we take care of our own.”

“He used to say the same thing to Joey.” Gina’s eyes rolled derisively. “But he was always too busy with his friends. He never took any responsibility for us.”

“It didn’t take many fights for kids to learn that you didn’t mess with Dennis or the Flynn girls,” Maura added. “Andy was a tough little shi---kid and he taught us how to fight too, said we needed to know how to defend ourselves when he wasn‘t around.”

Sharon bit back a smile. Andy was the only person she knew who could look both sheepish and proud at the same time. “He’s still tough,” she said.  Sometimes too tough. Her sexy third in command Lieutenant was always the first one to kick in a door, and, along with Julio, to get in a perps face. He had zero tolerance for those who lied and those who hurt others…dirtbags. However, unlike Julio who still struggled with his temper, Andy had learned to keep his under control for the most part. When she’d first gotten involved auditing the Major Crimes division she had often been the one to set off that temper. Her position in FID, her insistence in following the rules, her ability to keep her composure, and the fact that for a time he thought she was out to get them, all seemed to set Andy off like a powder keg.

In an interesting case of reversal, once they had begun working together the opposite seemed to be the case. Somehow, and she wasn’t quite sure how it happened, she had become the one who could calm him down. When she saw his temper escalating all she had to do was give him a look, softly say his name, or rest a gentle hand on his arm and it was as if all the tension left his body.

“Well, girls shouldn’t be fighting,” Sylvia said firmly.

“Maaaa!” Her daughters were outraged.

“I disagree, Sylvia.” Sharon‘s protest was softer, but no less firm. “All girls and women should know how to protect themselves. I‘ve actually taught some basic women‘s self- defense classes at local high schools and at the battered women‘s shelter where I volunteer.”

“Kick em’ in the balls, takes em’ down every time.”

“Gina!” Sylvia sputtered.  “Good Lord.”

“What? I’m just sayin'…”

“She’s not wrong, Ma.” Andy shifted in his seat, wincing at the thought. “A swift kick to the balls will bring any guy to his knees.”

“Andrew, my goodness, do you children not see that we have guests?”

“Oh, don’t mind us. We’ve heard worse, right?” Ricky looked down the table at his siblings and Nicole who all nodded in agreement. “Hazard of being a cop’s kid, you never know what your dinner conversation is going to be about.”

An impish smile curved on Sharon’s lips as she turned to the older woman. “Besides, that goes both ways, Sylvia. We’re not guests, we’re family, right?”  

Sylvia sighed but acquiesced with a nod of agreement and Sharon turned back to Gina assuring her, “You were right. Groin attacks are definitely a big part of the course. It’s a very quick way to incapacitate a man.”

Eager to change the subject, Sylvia turned to her daughters. “Girls, would you get the pannacotta please.”

The Flynn girls might be feisty, but they listened to their Mama.

************************

“Groin attacks?” Maura sidled up to Peggy at the refrigerator and began pulling out the ramekins of chilled desserts. “Does she always sound so hoity -toity?”

“She’s a cop, I’m sure she can turn the air blue with the best of them, but she has class. You ought to take a lesson or two. And be quiet you don’t want her to hear you and you sure as hell don’t want Andy to hear you. That will really piss him off.”

“She’s definitely got him whipped.” Maura didn’t drop the subject but did speak more softly in an effort to placate her sister. “Did you see the way he looks at her with those puppy dog eyes? And, oh my God, seriously? She’s got him going to the opera and the symphony. Jesus, he’s got it bad.”

“He’s in love Maur.” Peggy began spooning the juicy combination of strawberries, blackberries, and raspberries over the desserts. “And if you were paying attention you’d see that she looks at him exactly the same way.”

“Hmph.”

“She does. And she’s gone riding on the back of his motorcycle on the Angeles Crest Highway and to a boxing match with him. Do those things sound like something she would have done before she met Andy? When you’re in a relationship sometimes you have to go out of your comfort zone. And it’s not as if they don’t have anything in common. They work together; they both love old movies and sports. I mean she loves the Dodgers, what more could Andy ask for?”

“I’ll give you that. I didn’t see the sports fanatic thing coming. Figure skating, sure, but football?” The very idea of the elegant Sharon Raydor wearing a big foam cheese on her head to root for the Packers was incongruous.

“See, you can’t just judge people by how they look or where they come from. Don’t let Ken’s shitty mid-life crisis make you bitter and hard. Andy’s had a tough go of it, admittedly through some of his own doing, but still. He’s fallen in love with a terrific woman, he’s getting married and he’s happier and more at peace than I’ve ever seen him. Let’s just be happy for him, okay.”

********

With lunch finished the LA contingent, including Emily, but not including Andy and Sharon, had to leave for the airport. After they left, Sharon rose to help clear the feast from the table but Andy handed her a cup of coffee and ushered her away to go relax with his mother. They weren’t leaving for LA until the following morning so they could spend a little more time with his family.

Sipping her coffee Sharon made her way back to the living room, pausing to pick up a framed black and white 8x10 photo. She settled into the couch with it, involuntarily shuddering at the crinkling noise the plastic covering made when she sat. The last time she had seen a plastic cover over a couch had been a few years back when a serial killer had lured Rusty to an empty condo in their building and had come very close to killing him. Were it not for Andy calling and tipping her off to where they might be, she never would have would have made it in time to bash the door in with a fire extinguisher and save him. Her heart began racing at the thought of how close she’d come to losing Rusty so she forced herself to leave the past and focus on the wedding picture in her hands.

The tiny dark- haired bride was wearing a ball gown style wedding dress circa 1950’s, tiny waist and full taffeta skirt, so she assumed it was Sylvia. A thrilled little jolt ran through her at the thought that she would soon be looking for a wedding gown of her own. Definitely not a ball gown style though, possibly an elegant A-line or a sexier fit and flare. Something romantic and stylish, both vintage and modern. Definitely some lace. She loved lace. When she got back to LA, she’d have to pick up a few bridal magazines and have a look at what was in style now. Gavin would be a big help there. His favorite television show was “Say Yes to the Dress.”  

At the woman’s side was a tall, very handsome young man with a thick head of a hair and a smile she knew all too well. The same smile as the one on the face of the man who was helping his sisters clear the table. The resemblance was uncanny. Andy had a framed picture of his parents in their bedroom and she had seen family photos at his house, so it wasn’t the first time she’d seen his father but in this wedding shot Patrick Flynn was young and still had the cocky grin that in his son made her heart flutter.

“My Patrick was a handsome man, wasn’t he?” Sylvia sat down in a chair across from Sharon.

“Yes, he certainly was.”

“Well, of course, you’d think so, wouldn’t you? Joey, my older boy, he's Rossi through and through, shorter, darker, pure Sicilian. Actually, he looks a lot like my father and my grandfather. But Andy, all he got from me was the color of his eyes, skin that doesn’t easily burn and a temper that heats up as fast as it cools down. In everything else, he has the look of his father, his height, his build, everything, right down to the twinkle in his eyes and that mischievous little smile. Oh that smile,” her eyes turned wistful as they landed on a laughing Andy in the kitchen. “That smile got them both out of a lot of trouble. I don’t know what it was, or why I fell for it, but all they had to do was give me that grin and I would forget why I was angry with them. The girls told you about Andy fighting, but I‘ll tell you, that boy could tell a tale and charm his way out of detention with just a smile. Even the nuns fell for it and I don‘t think I need to tell you how tough they could be.”

“Mmm…“ Sharon took a sip of her coffee and nodded in agreement. “It is pretty irresistible. “She couldn’t count how many times she’d been irritated with Andy, all he had to do was flash her that boyish grin, and she couldn’t seem to help grinning back, her anger magically dissipating.

“I always had a thing for the Irish boys. Did Andy tell you how Patrick and I met? “

“He said it was at a church dance.”

“Just like the movie.” Sylvia clapped her hands with delight. “Only backward. I was the Italian one, Patrick the Irish. Did you see “Brooklyn”?”

“I did, yes. It was the first movie Andy and I went to together.” They had just finished a case and were talking about what they were going to do on their days off. Andy had expressed interest in seeing the movie because of its connection with his parents and when she said she’d wanted to see it as well, he had suggested that they should go together. It was funny how natural it had seemed, sitting in the darkened theater sharing a bucket of popcorn and a diet soda with love em‘and leave em‘Andy Flynn.

“Well, of course, neither of us was new to the country like the young girl in the movie. I was a third generation American, but Patrick was a fourth, his family came here during the potato famine. I had never even heard about this famine until I married him. Then I read all about it. My God, it’s hard to imagine such suffering.”

Sharon nodded, she‘d done her own research on her family‘s history. “That’s when my father’s family came. They settled in Boston, though.”

“One generation doesn’t seem like much of a difference but it was. My grandfather wasn’t born in this country, he spoke English with a very thick accent and it always seemed like he still had a foot in the Old World. It wasn’t like that with the Flynn’s. Patrick’s family seemed so much more American to me. They had a history here. His great-grandfather fought in the Civil War and helped build the Brooklyn Bridge, his grandfather fought in World War I and Patrick in World War II. We Rossi’s were still the new kids on the block.

“Did your families give you a hard time when you told them you wanted to get married?”

“No, not really. By the time Patrick and I got married in the 50s, things were changing. Before the war, everyone was divided even though we shared the same religion. There was an Irish church, an Italian church, a Polish church and you rarely socialized with anyone outside your parish and your ethnic background.  After the war that began to change. The churches started to consolidate and we all started moving into the same neighborhoods instead of staying in our own little enclaves. There were a few snide remarks of course, you know, why wasn‘t an Italian boy good enough for me and things like that. But I think my parents were just happy that I was marrying another Catholic and not a dreaded Protestant.” Sylvia laughed, shaking her head at the way things used to be. Then she leaned forward and reached out as if to touch Sharon’s chest, only stopping herself at the last minute.

“That’s a very pretty necklace.”

Sharon’s fingers moved to her neck gently touching the delicate heart-shaped pendant, two hands cupped around a glittering emerald heart. “It’s a Claddagh. Andy gave it to me when we spent a weekend in Corona Del Mar.” Her eyes grew soft and she flushed slightly at the memory. Andy had bought her the necklace the night they had first made love. After dinner in Laguna Beach, they had been browsing through a Celtic store and had seen the necklace. While she had been purchasing some Innisfree perfume, he had surreptitiously bought the necklace and surprised her with it the following evening while they were gliding around the Newport Beach harbor in a romantic gondola.

“That look on your face tells me it must be pretty special.”

“Yes,” Sharon’s voice grew low, almost dreamy. “Very special.” When he’d put it around her neck he’d told her that when she wore it he wanted it to remind her of how much he loved her and how much the weekend had meant to him. Who knew that under his cynical, wisecracking exterior lay a romantic soul who shared her sense of occasion?

“Speaking of special, there’s something I’d like to share with you.” Sylvia rose and returned a few minutes later holding out a little velvet bag to Sharon. Sharon took the bag and when she opened it, she found a lovely rosary in mother of pearl, with a silver crucifix. “That rosary was brought over from Italy by my great-grandmother. She carried it at her wedding then it was passed down to my grandmother and my mother, to me, and then to each of my daughters. Andy said how important the church is to you and that you are hoping to have a nuptial mass, so I thought… Well, I thought maybe you would want to carry it with you on your wedding day. You’ll need a something borrowed.”

Sharon fingered the beads, her chest tightening with emotions and for a moment, she was unable to speak.

“Don’t worry,” Sylvia continued, mistaking her silence. “Sandra didn’t carry them. I offered but she wasn’t very interested in anything old fashioned like carrying a rosary on your wedding day.”

Sharon smiled at the woman who would soon be her mother in law, her eyes shining with unshed tears. “Sylvia, I would be honored to carry this rosary with me on the day that I marry your son. Old fashioned is not a problem for me. Thank you.” She reached out to squeeze the older woman’s hand.

“No. Thank you. It’s been a very long time since I’ve seen my boy so happy. That’s all you.”

****************************

“I still can’t believe you’re getting married.” Peggy handed Andy another stack of plates he promptly set into the soapy water in the sink. “After Sandra, I didn’t think you’d ever take the plunge again.”

“Me either.” Even though they both knew the marriage wasn’t working and he and Sandra had both agreed to the divorce, their split had been bitter and acrimonious with a lot of anger and hurled insults, especially when it came to custody issues. Then when Sandra had begun using Nicole as a weapon against him, it had left him soured on the very idea of marriage. In fact, until he had fallen in love with Sharon he would have told anyone who asked that he would rather be shot in the head than ever get hitched again. Dating and sex was one thing, but taking those vows was something else entirely. “Sharon changed all that.”

“Yeah, we can see that. But I could see something was happening between the two of you way back at Nicole’s wedding.”

“You think? I don’t know. That was the first time we had ever gone anywhere alone outside of work. It wasn’t a date, but…” He trailed off not sure how to explain it.

“But what?”

“But it started to feel like one. And after our first dance, I guess I started wishing it was one. That day did change things between us.” It was strange how it had all happened so organically. He’d always had an eye on Sharon, even when he couldn’t stand her. It was in his DNA. A pretty woman walked by and he had to look. And Sharon was a beauty.  A cool, impenetrable, and totally untouchable beauty.  It was frustrating. He wanted to despise her yet there was a strange attraction he felt in her presence and the first time he had felt the urge to act on that attraction was well before they were even friends. He was pissed, yelling at her, defending his honor as an officer of the law and she was standing there cool as a cucumber holding his fat employee file filled with exonerated complaints, not even flushing as one might when trying to control their temper. No, she was completely unaffected by his anger and he suddenly got the urge to grab her by the shoulders and kiss her senseless. Kiss her into a reaction. The overpowering pull of attraction and its accompanying surge of lust only served to make him angrier. How was he attracted to Sharon---stick up her ass--- Raydor?

He wasn’t sure when exactly he’d gone from irritation with her and her rules, to admiring her legs when she sat on the edge of a desk and her cleavage when she leaned over one, to really seeing her as a person. It was probably right around the time she’d started asking him for advice on addiction after she’d found Rusty’s drug addict mother and had then asked him to accompany Rusty to pick up that mother up at the bus station. The crushing disappointment when she hadn’t been on the bus had caused Rusty to run off—so quickly Andy hadn’t been able to find him. The kid had lived on the streets long enough to know how to disappear. Telling Sharon he had lost the boy had turned out to be even harder than he’d thought it would be. The fear shining in her eyes and the way she had tried to smile so bravely and assure him she knew it wasn’t his fault, even as the tears welled in her eyes, made him feel like such a heel. He’d hated disappointing her. Then, just when he thought he couldn’t feel any worse, despite how upset she was, she’d squared her shoulders and taken a moment to tell them all that they had done a great job. He‘d just stood there with his heart twisting painfully in his chest as her voice broke and she‘d rushed off before breaking down in front of them. God how he’d hated being responsible for making her cry. Sharon might have a tough shield she surrounded herself with, but inside she was a marshmallow when it came to those she loved. Seeing that vulnerability and how deeply she’d come to care about a boy she had only taken in a few weeks before had raised her much higher in his estimation. Before he knew what was happening he found himself looking forward to hearing her high heels clicking down the hall first thing in the morning and feeling a little stab of pleasure at her “Good morning Lieutenant” as she made her way to her office, coffee in hand.

After Nicole’s wedding when they had really gotten to know one another as people, not just co-workers, it had seemed natural to start hanging out together more outside of work. They would go out for coffee or dinner or to the movies. And when he‘d had Dodger tickets dropped in his lap, instead of inviting Provenza as he normally would have done, he‘d invited Sharon. Just another reason for Provenza to grumble over their burgeoning friendship. Not a month later Sharon had invited him to be her “plus one” to a black tie charity dinner at the Japanese embassy and that was when it had started to feel more like dating than a friendship to him--and that possibly Sharon was feeling the same. It was fun getting all dressed up in his tuxedo for her and she had looked stunning in an elegant floor-length Grecian style gown the color of orange poppies that seductively left one shoulder bare. He was falling for her, he’d felt it, and it worried him. He knew that a relationship with her was hopeless and did try to put some effort into protecting himself. He‘d tried to keep her from working her way into his heart, but every time he told himself they were just friends he would remember how damn good it had felt to hold her in his arms when they danced at the wedding and the comforting intimacy of their shared life stories when they went out for lunches and dinners. He would be reminded of the warmth that spread through him when she laughed or when she rested her hand on his arm while she spoke. She was smart, stunning, vulnerable, and way too classy for a guy like him, but he wanted her dammit. He wanted her so bad, he ached with it and instead of thinking about all the roadblocks to a relationship with her, not the least of which was the fact that she was still legally married, his heart instead beat with all the possibilities of a romance.

“Are you really sure she’s the one for you?” Maura had been listening to the conversation while she covered the leftovers. Her skeptical tone caused Andy to turn to her with a frown and his temper quickly flared.  

“What do you mean by that?”

Maura held up a hand. “Don’t go getting all defensive. I just mean that, well, look at her. I’m not blind; I see why you’re attracted to her. She’s beautiful.” In that uppity sort of way, she was used to in her customers at Saks. “But she’s not the kind of beautiful you usually go for. “

“Thank God,” Peggy muttered under her breath.

“Greenwich, Connecticut? Come on. She obviously comes from money and you‘ve never been into high maintenance. Dating your swanky boss is one thing but…”

“Jesus Maura, get the chip off your shoulder,” Peggy interjected with a hard glare before Andy could explode. “Just because you have to deal with those rich bitches giving you a hard time at Saks, doesn’t mean every woman who has money is stuck up or high maintenance.  I spent a lot of time with Sharon at Nicole’s wedding and she could not have been kinder and more gracious.

“Peggy’s right.” Andy tried to keep his cool, reminding himself that there was a time that he too had thought that Sharon, with her luxurious Brazilian blowout, Armani suits, and designer high heels was looking down her pretty nose at him.  “Look Maur. You think I don’t know she’s out of my league? I do. But not because she comes from money and we don’t. Because she is amazing and she has a heart bigger than anyone I‘ve ever known. I don’t know why she loves me or why she agreed to marry me. I just thank God that she did. Give her a chance, get to know her. You might have more in common than you think.”

“Doubtful,” Maura scoffed.

Andy took a deep breath trying to remain patient; the last thing he wanted Sharon to witness was a knock down drag out Flynn family fight.  “I’m serious. Her life hasn’t always been easy. She’s had to struggle just like all of us. And just like you, she had a louse of a husband who walked out on her and left her to raise her children alone, only she didn’t have any financial support from him.” He didn’t think it would be smart to add that unlike Maura, Sharon hadn’t allowed herself to wallow in bitterness and self-pity, because he knew a thing or two about bitterness and self-pity. Maura was more like him or the him that he used to be than he cared to admit.

Maura turned and tried to look at Sharon through new eyes. The younger woman was smiling and completely focused on whatever Sylvia was telling her. She didn’t usually change her opinions on people but maybe, just maybe her judgment of Sharon was clouded by her own unhappiness…and jealousy.  Maybe Sharon’s quiet, soft-spoken manner just meant that she was a reserved person, not that she was a snob.

“You shouldn’t judge people so quickly,” Antonella admonished her.

Maura held her hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay, I get it.“

“And you,” Antonella turned to her brother. “You should not be so hard on yourself. You are handsome and you can certainly be charming when you want to be. You are also kind and sweet--when you aren’t trying to be Mr. Tough guy, and you walk out your door every day and protect people. That is nothing if not admirable. Why shouldn’t Sharon fall in love with you? So you’ve made some mistakes, everyone does. It‘s how we rectify those mistakes that really matters and you seem to be doing a good job with that. I was so happy to see Nicole today. She’s turned into a lovely young woman. Peggy gave me the quick run down about you and Sharon, how you went from adversaries to, well, I guess where you are now. But I would like to hear it from you. Why do you love her? Why do you want to marry her?” It was telling to Nell that Andy didn‘t even have to pause to think about it.

“It’s true. I used to think Sharon was uptight, brusque, humorless, all business. But the first time I saw her smile, damn…It was like the sun filled the room. Then as I got to know her I could see that the way she distanced herself, the walls she put up, were all part of the job she had at the time. Now I’d say an easier question would be, what don’t I love about her? She’s courageous, strong, and confident. She really cares about the people who work for her and she has this, I don’t know how to explain it, this depth of love for her family that has just always reached out and grabbed me right in the heart. She’s a phenomenal mother and she has great kids.  She’s also direct, doesn’t play games and she can give back as good as she gets; I find that all very sexy. And one of the things that I’ve come to admire most about Sharon is what used to drive me crazy about her, no matter what’s going on she’s always cool-headed and in control., always grace under fire.”

“Well, they do say opposites attract.” Gina’s grin belied her sarcasm.

“Let him finish,” Nell said.

Andy smiled at his eldest sister and continued. “I know people say this all the time but Sharon really is one of those people who is every inch as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. She’s just a real doll. When she smiles at me I feel like I’m ten feet tall and when I’m with her she’s this kind of safe harbor where I can forget all the ugliness of the world of murderers, rapists, and pedophiles where I spend my days. I’ve never had anyone in my life that has been able to do that for me. Before Sharon, I felt so empty inside.” There was a slight emotional break in his voice and Nell reached out to take his hand, her eyes soft with sympathy. “ I tried to fill that emptiness with booze and when I had to give that up, my job, but nothing ever completely worked…until her. Sharon fills all that emptiness inside me and now I feel like I have a second chance at life.”

His sisters had gone silent and were staring at him with something akin to amazement.

“What?” he asked.

“You’re a freaking poet now?“  

“Maura stop it.” Peggy swatted at her with a dishrag. “That was beautiful Andy.” Andy shrugged, slightly embarrassed by how sappy he‘d gotten.

Maura smiled and jabbed him with her elbow. “I’m just giving you crap. I can see why you love her now. It’s not just about how she looks.” When Andy shook his head and turned back to the sink Maura’s smile faded and she reached out to touch the scar on his neck. “Are you still having any issues with that clot and the pinched nerve?”

“A little. The clot is gone, but I’ll still be on blood thinners for a few more months and I still get some numbness in my hand from the nerve issue. Until that goes away, I’m going to be stuck on friggin’ desk duty. “

“Well, better that than the alternative,” Peggy eyeballed him. “It had to be terrifying to think you were having a heart attack.”

“It was. It sure as hell felt like one. The pain in my chest took my breath away and it went down my arm just like you hear about a heart attack. Then my arm went numb.  I don’t remember much of what happened. But I do remember Sharon holding one of my hands for dear life.” While the other caressed his face soothingly.  “All I could think about at that moment was that I didn’t want to die. I didn’t want to leave her.” The memory of the love and terror shining in Sharon’s eyes was still so vivid, as was the feel of her tears dripping on his hand, the hand she continued to clutch in the ambulance while begging him not to leave her. He had so many regrets at that moment. He had waited far too long to ask her out on a real date. He had foolishly allowed his fears to keep him from telling her that he loved her as soon as he’d come to that realization. He was never going to see her roll her eyes at him again, or shake her head with long-suffering patience when he was being a pain in the ass or slap at his arm or chest when she was irritated with him or amused by him. He would never again hear that wonderful laugh or see her bright emerald eyes turn to soft jade when he made love to her. But his biggest regret was that he might never know what it would have been like to call her his wife.

“Aaaandy….”

The four siblings paused in their conversation and Andy turned and grinned widely at the familiar voice. “Hey, Dennis. Sharon, come meet Dennis.”

The man who met Andy in the living room for a hug was barely five feet tall, his hair salt and pepper, his eyeglasses coke bottle thick and he had the nasal tone of someone with Down syndrome. This was the man who was more brother than a cousin, the man whom Andy used to protect from the bullies.

“Is this your girlfriend, Andy?” He eyed Sharon up and down with a frankness that in other men would have earned him a Darth Raydor glare, but which was, she knew, just innocent curiosity.

“Yes, she is. This is Sharon. But she’s more than my girlfriend; Den. Sharon’s going to be my wife.”

“I like that, Andy. Hi Sharon. I’m Dennis.” He held out a hand as he had been taught.

“It’s so nice to meet you, Dennis.” Sharon’s smile was warm and genuine. “Andy’s told me so much about you and what great friends you were growing up.”

Dennis turned to Andy with a smile. “I like her Andy. She’s nice. And she’s really pretty too.”

“Yes, she is, isn‘t she.”

“Can I come to your wedding, Sharon?”

Sharon’s heart melted. “Of course you can. You’re family; we’ll be inviting the whole family. And I know how special you are to Andy.”

“Andy’s my friend.”

“You bet I am.” Andy fist bumped him. At that point, his Aunt Loretta came in followed by Peggy’s husband Luke who had been busy all day at the restaurant.

“I live in my own house now, Andy.”

“You do?” Andy raised a brow at his aunt.

“He does,” Loretta nodded. “It’s a duplex in Queens where he lives with others who have Down’s.”

“That’s great Den. Do you still work at Stop n’ Shop?”

“Yes. I get the carts and bag the groceries and sometimes they let me help put out the vegetables. Are you still a police officer?”

“You bet.”

“Andy’s a hero,” Dennis told Sharon. It touched Sharon deeply to see the affection and hero worship Dennis had for Andy, the man who had protected him throughout his childhood. She reached out and took Andy’s hand, pulling it into her lap.

“Yes, he is.”

“Where do you work, Sharon?”

“I work with Andy.”

“You’re a police officer too?”

“I am.”

“Then you’re a hero too.”

“Nice to know there are some people left in the world who still think so,” Andy muttered under his breath. Sharon gave him a little smirk but nodded in agreement.

“Here they are Sharon. I knew I could find them.” Sylvia entered the living room carrying several photo albums.

“Oh Ma, what are those,” Andy groaned.

Sharon grinned and grabbed one of the albums. “Payback is a you know what. I deserve a little retribution for you pilfering through my awkward stages. “

“Babe you didn’t have any awkward stages.”

Maura rolled her eyes and stuck a finger down her throat as if to make herself vomit. Andy glared at her but Sharon laughed.

“You were right Sylvia,” she said. “He does have the gift of blarney.”

“It’s not blarney,” he protested. “It's a fact. You were beautiful from the day you were born.”

“Well, I still say you’re a tad biased, but I love you for it.” She kissed the back of his hand and then dropped it to flip open to the first page of the album. “But not enough to miss out on finding a picture of Andy Flynn the altar boy that I was promised is one of these albums.”

“Oh God, if Provenza ever got hold of that…”

“Stay on my good side honey and all will be well.”

Sylvia grinned and nudged Andy. “She’s got a sneaky side. I like that.”

*************************

“I don’t think Maura liked me very much.” Sharon lay curled up to Andy’s side, her fingertips tracing imaginary patterns over his broad t-shirt covered chest. As soon as they got to their hotel at JFK airport, they had washed up, brushed their teeth and gone straight to bed. It had been a long day and they had to be up early in the morning.

“Maura doesn’t like anyone, babe.” Andy kissed the top of her head. “I wouldn’t worry about it.”

“I’m serious, Andy.”

“So am I. Look, right now Maura doesn’t like much of anything. I told you her first husband ditched her and left her to raise her two kids alone and now her second husband just left her for a younger woman. She had to sell her house and she hates her job. She’s angry at the world.”

“It’s hard to blame her for that. I wish there was something we could do to help her.”

“Yeah, me too. At least when I was that low I had a job that I loved. I don’t know how I would have gotten through everything if I’d lost my job.”

“Well, let’s be thankful you didn’t.” If he had lost his job during his drinking days, they never would have connected. “It’s too bad Joe’s living in Florida now, I would like to have met him. And I wish I’d gotten to spend more time with Nell. She’s worked in some fascinating places.”

Andy snorted derisively. “If you consider no electricity, no running water, and a hole in the ground for a bathroom as fascinating. I‘d call it hell.”

“Andy!” She gently swatted at his chest.

“What? It’s true.”

She reached into his t-shirt and pulled out the ring he always wore on a chain around his neck. She toyed with it for a few seconds before asking, “There’s more to this ring than just the fact that it was your father’s, isn’t there?”

“How…” He trailed off without finishing the question. Sharon was a detective; there must have been something she had seen when Antonella commented on it. “It is my father’s ring, but he didn’t give it to me, Antonella did. I was pretty messed up after my Dad died.” He trailed off as if unsure how to continue. Sharon hummed with understanding and nuzzled into his chest comfortingly. Losing his father at the young age of 14 to a brain aneurysm had been traumatizing. Andy didn’t talk about it often, but he had told her how it had led him to start following his older brother down a path that could have gotten him into serious trouble.

“My mother wasn’t really there for us. I know she was shocked and grieving and she had to support all of us but I didn’t see it that way then.” Fourteen was such an awkward age. He had tried so hard to be a man and keep his tears contained, but inside he was still a little boy who wanted to sob out his grief and who needed his mother to hold him and comfort him, and promise him that everything was going to be all right even though it felt like the end of the world. Instead, his mother had turned inward and he’d felt lost. Sylvia was not a bad mother, he always knew she loved him, but she was not a nurturer; she was more a pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get on with life kind of mother.  A more sensitive person, a mother like Sharon, would have seen through his tough outer shell and helped him deal with his loss. A mother like Sharon would have told him it was okay to cry and comforted him through his sorrow.  “If it wasn’t for Nell we probably all would have run wild. Then, not even a full year after my dad died, Nell decided to join the convent. I was really pissed about it--and I was a dick to her. I couldn’t believe she really wanted to be a nun. I accused her of wanting to get away from all of us so badly she was willing to throw her life away to do it.”

“I’m sure she knew you were just lashing out because you were hurt.”

“I don’t know.”

"It's really not surprising that you felt that way. First, your father dies, then your mother emotionally shuts down and then the one person who always gave you that unconditional nurturing love tells you she is leaving. It makes perfect sense that you'd feel lost and abandoned." Sharon's heart ached. Though it was impossible, she wished there was some way she could go back in time and take away the pain that he'd gone through as a boy.

"I told Nell I hated her. God, I wish I could take that back. It was the last thing I said before she left for the convent." He placed a hand over the one Sharon was rubbing over his chest, and then lifted it to touch his necklace. "After she left, when I got back to my bedroom there was an envelope on my pillow. When my father died, my mother gave us all something to remember him. As the oldest, Antonella got his wedding ring. Inside the envelope was his ring on a chain. There was a letter with it. She wrote that whenever I felt alone I should wear that ring around my neck and know that both her and my dad were with me."

Sharon sniffed and he glanced down to see tears swimming in her eyes.

"Hey, are you crying? Don't cry. Like I said before it was a long time ago."

"I can't help it. Sometimes you break my heart. "When she was in his arms like this it was hard to remember a time when he had thought she was cold and hard, because under that Darth Raydor glare there was no one softer or gentler than Sharon was.

"I don't mean to."

"Comes with the territory when you love someone. Have you been wearing it all this time?"

"No. I didn't put it on right away but I did hold onto to it. I kept it in my drawer and the day that I came home from my first AA meeting I put it on and I haven't taken it off since-though it has had a few new chains. I guess I figured I needed all the help that I could get.

"And has it helped?"

"I think it has, yeah. I don't really need it anymore, now that I have you. But, I kind of like having a part of my dad with me."

Sharon reached out to rub the ring between her fingers. "I wish I could have met him. He sounds like he was a good man. Your mother still wears her wedding ring and it's been what, 41 years since he died."

"Mmm...She was only 43 when it happened, he was only 50. A couple of my aunts tried to set her up on dates but she said that in her heart she was still married to my father and that's the way it would always be."

"That's both sad and romantic."

"She really believes that she's going to see him again when she dies and that's why she's not afraid of dying."

"Do you believe that?" Universal Salvation was one of the basic tenets of Christianity and sometimes she wasn't exactly sure where Andy stood in his relationship with God.

"I grew up in the church, you know that. You saw the altar boy pictures. I can't believe my mother gave you one."

Sharon giggled. "You were adorable."

He shrugged. "If you say so."

"I do." She rose on one elbow so she could see his face. "I also know you've had your issues with the church."

Andy grew silent, the conflict within him still there, though far less strong than it had been in the past. Sharon didn't prod or push, he loved that about her. She simply caressed her thumb over his cheek until he was ready to speak.

"After my father died, I was so angry with God for taking him. I just could'nt understand it. There were so many bad guys out there; my dad was a good guy, why did God have to take him? Why?" The pain was still there, even after all these years.

"I don't know. Sometimes we just can't understand why. That's what faith is, believing that there is a reason even if we don't yet understand what it is."

Andy sighed noncommittally. He wished he shared her unwavering faith. Those words were not just a platitude. She too had suffered loss at a young age when her brother died so she understood what he was feeling. "I hadn't even gotten a chance to get through that when Nell told us she was leaving us for God."

"Andy. Oh, honey, she wasn't leaving you for God."

"That's what it felt like. When I went off to college I walked away from all of it, God and the church."

"But you married Sandra in the church." It was the reason he was going to need an annulment too.

"I did. Sandra's family is Hispanic and Catholic so we married in the church but Sandra wasn't all that religious. Other than the big things like, baptisms, first communions, Christmas, Easter, we didn't go to church after we were married. Then I joined AA. Part of that is having a higher power."

"But it doesn't have to be God, right?" She knew a bit about AA from Jack's few short stints and a lot more from Andy.

"No, it doesn't. It can be anything. It's all about accepting that you can't conquer your addiction alone. But when I started thinking about a higher power, I kept coming back to what I knew. Once a Catholic always a Catholic, right? Then, it wasn't very long after that when the church scandal hit and I was so pissed I couldn't bring myself to go back to church."

Sharon nodded, pain tightening in her chest. She had experienced her own crisis of faith when the Catholic Church scandal exploded. It had been a very dark time for her and she'd only been able to navigate her way through it with the help of Father Stan who at that point had only been her priest for a few years. It had drawn them much closer and with his help, and a lot of soul-searching, she had chosen to remain a faithful Catholic, though she would never again be the innocent follower she had once been.

"I didn't really get back into going to church until I moved in with you. But I think that He and I have made peace now."

"How's that?"

"He's gotten me through some really rough times with my addiction and He gave you to me. Maybe even God needs to make amends."

Sharon gave a soft laugh and kissed his bicep. "An interesting theological concept. I'll let you take that up with Father Stan. But I am glad that you made your peace with God, with Antonella, and with Nicole."

"Me too. I like having a clean slate to start my life with you." Though he felt there might be one person left he had yet to make peace with. He had made his amends to Sandra but he wasn't sure they had ever really made peace.

"It's really going to happen for us, isn't it?"

"You bet it is, babe." He kissed the top of her head. "That is if you still want to marry me after hearing about what a troublemaker I was."

Her laughter was smothered into his shoulder. "Well, I've always known you were a troublemaker. I seem to remember our first fight was over your employee file."

"Second fight. The first one was over the evidence you removed from a murder scene we were investigating."

"Ah yes. You won that one. Pope made me return it all to you."

"Only because Brenda went to him to plead her case."

"Hmm…you're right." Brenda Leigh Johnson had gotten her job as deputy chief through a sexual relationship she'd had in the past with their chief of police. Because of that relationship, Brenda was usually able to get her way with him and Chief Pope let her get away with things he would never have accepted with any of his other officers.

"You know, a few years back there was a time we thought Brenda and Pope might have picked up where they had left off. I wanted to know if she was banging the boss and now here I am…"

"Andy Flynn, do NOT continue that statement."

"Uh, I wasn't. I mean, uh, I was just going to say, here I am marrying the boss."

Her eyes narrowed. Andy was a terrible liar. "Sure you were."

"I was. But to give you full disclosure,  I like banging her too."

"Andy!" Her attempt at chastising him was ruined when she couldn't contain her giggle.

"What? It's true."

"You really are incorrigible."

"And that doesn't give you second thoughts?"

"Not at all." She watched him playing with the engagement ring on her finger. "It's actually kind of tantalizing. Who knew that underneath it all I actually have a thing for sexy bad boys?"

"Sexy, huh?"

She got back up on her elbow and cupped a hand over his cheek, her voice a throaty purr. "Very, VERY sexy."

The End…

Of this installment anyway. Stay tuned as the story continues back in LA with "Saying Good-bye to Yesterday" which will focus on the annulments and some of what happened in Season Five. We will meet Winnie Davis and Sandra and there will be a few fireworks with Jack who is not going to be happy about his kids forcing him to sign the annulment papers. As with this story it will weave in and out of canon.

[the-institute-promos]

➤ OPEN CHARACTER: ANDREW, 18, SLAVE, HUMAN

FULL NAME: Anhur “Andrew” Campbell NICKNAME(S): Andy PRONOUNS: He/Him BIRTHDAY: April 30 AGE: 18 STATUS: Slave MAJOR: Medicine SPECIES: Human SPECIAL POWERS: None SEXUALITY: Bisexual I AM A: Switch I WANT A: Any TURN-ONS: Age play, humiliation, domination, power play, open to most anything TURN-OFFS: Scat, gore, needles, knives, death, choking

➤ BIOGRAPHY

Anhur what a stupid name to name a kid…My name is Andrew or Andy was a near constant shout once he had gotten into school years. Andy loved his family but hated his name not even sure where his name came from. Andy was a fighter always feeling as though he had to fight for attention from his parents and even his twin sister. for twins they were not really that close she was always around mom and dad or their older brother Orion. He just hated that he was always being compared to his siblings.

As they got older he noticed that their parents would leave for a long weekend or maybe dad would take Orion and he had to listen to his sister making up stories about where they went while he was content playing video games. Yet Diana was a dog with a bone hounding on why she was never brought along until she guilted their brother into telling her what they were doing making him laugh when Diana told him where they had been going. To his surprise when his parents got home and set them down it was either the most elaborate joke or well that is what it had to be. When no one started laughing it was his turn to be confused. could vampires and werewolves really exist?

Not long after that started the training in addition to school. Mom, dad, and Orion would take time teaching about different creatures their weaknesses, strengths and generally how to kill them. After that training became more intense and gladly he loved the chances to fight his brother and father learning how to really kick someones butt. This was his life for two years. finally it came time the whole family was going to go on a hunt at a cabin. Apparently it was the same as their older brother went on on their first hunt. the first day was a boys day where Andy, Orion, and dad tracked a deer for a little while before going fishing which was boring but could have been worse. Then worse happened as they were heading back to the cabin. Something came out of nowhere tossing dad hard against a tree and a wolf but huge tackled Orion to the ground and Andy was lifted and pushed against a tree as if could it have been magic? more people and creatures came into the clearing and he saw his father and Orion trying to fight it looked like Orion hurt one and his father might have killed one but that was all he heard a bone crack. He tried to watch but he could not turn his head to see what was happening. The next sounds would change him forever the sounds of his father dying which it had to be. He wanted to fight to see his father and brother, but everything went dark. It was well past noon the next day when he heard crying and he learned it had not been some nightmare.

Andy tried to be strong both physically and emotionally getting into sports as he was no longer allowed to train as a hunter it was the only way that he could work hard and not raise suspicion as they always had to be under the thought that they were being watched. That they had no idea if their brother was alive or dead. the more time passed his sorrow turned to anger especially towards his brother that he would just leave. How did they even know it was not his idea that maybe he just left making up a story that was why he was leaving and their watchers used that to torture his mother and sister. Hell Orion was no saint like Diana talked about him. Emotionally strong that was more Diana’s department Andy tended to have a bit of a short fuse getting into some fights more than he should.

It was time for college or getting close and that became hard. To look at schools and the worst part it was unlikely that he would get to go. They had been trapped in their house besides school and moving about town, but any trip outside could always feel eyes on him or even someone at one of his games he would see their eyes if they patted their shoulder after a win. he had to miss the fall semester which sucked but continued classes hoping maybe he would get another chance sometime. then when he got his letter at Christmas he hardly waited a second before calling the number and told he had received a grant and felt a little guilty figuring that Diana would have to pay or well their mother pay for her education and to be alone, but well after what happened to their father what is the worst that could happen.

➤ PERSONALITY

✚ Strong, clever, hard working ▬ Overly confident, rageful, never lets things go

➤ ESTABLISHED CONNECTIONS

Orion Campbell

Diana Campbell

➤ FACE CLAIM & OOC INFO

Andrew’s faceclaim is Robbie Amell. // Could Andrew be right for you?

WATCH WHAT LURKS AROUND THE CORNERS. WELCOME TO HALLOWEEN AT THE INSTITUTE…

CURRENT BAN: NONE Main - Plot - Rules - Ask - Apply

[tkmedia]

Olympic rivalries to keep an eye on in Tokyo

Rivalries don't have to be longstanding when it comes to the Olympics. However, that tends to make things more fun if they happen to be. Some are promising while others might just be starting out. Here's a look at some established and potential rivalries that could be renewed or brewing at the Tokyo Summer Games.    1 of 17

Men's basketball: United States vs. Spain

Wendell Cruz/USA TODAY Sports The Americans are eying a fourth consecutive Olympic men's basketball gold medal. With Kevin Durant (seeking his third gold) leading the way, plus Damian Lillard and Devin Booker also on the roster, it would be a shock if Team USA didn't prevail. That said, Spain is the No. 2 team in the world and features veteran talent in brothers Paul and Marc Gasol, plus guard Ricky Rubio. The Spaniards won Olympic silver in 2008 and '12 before earning a bronze medal in 2016.   2 of 17

Men's skateboarding: Nyjah Huston (United States) vs. Yuto Horigome (Japan)

Robert Hanashiro/USA TODAY Sports Skateboarding is one of the new sports added to the Tokyo Summer Olympics program. And, it might be the most anticipated of the newcomers. Huston is arguably the biggest and most well--known personality in the sport and a four-time world champion in the Street competition. However, host favorite Horigome topped Huston in a recent competition that leads pundits of the sport to believe he might have the inside track for gold in Tokyo this summer.    3 of 17

Women's skateboarding: Sky Brown (Great Britain) vs. Kokona Hiraki (Japan)

Brian Powers/The Register via Imagn Content Services, LLC/USA TODAY No offense to Japanese medal hopefuls Misugu Okamoto and Sakura Yosozumi, but skateboarding fans would love to see these two young sensations be in the hunt for the gold. Also from Japan, 12-year-old Hiraki might be a long shot for gold, but she finished fifth at the final Olympic qualifier -- also a Dew Tour event -- in the Park discipline. Brown, who will be 13 when these Games start, was born to a Japanese mother and British father. She's among the most exciting skaters in the world and should be in the hunt for an Olympic medal after recovering from a head injury following a serious training fall.    4 of 17

Women's soccer: United States vs. Japan

David Butler II/USA TODAY Sports It's common knowledge that the USWNT has some unfinished business to take care of in Tokyo this summer after being stunned by Sweden in penalties in the 2016 quarterfinals at Rio. The Americans are no doubt the favorite to win gold, which they've won four times over the six tournaments in Olympic history. While the U.S. has a solid mix of seasoned veterans and some up-and-coming, dependable talent, host Japan, which brought home silver in 2012, is a somewhat young, but certainly hungry group that could potentially make things interesting.   5 of 17

Softball: United States vs. Japan

Jacob Snow/Icon Sportswire Softball is back on the Olympic card. And the United States is looking to once again regain its place at the top of the international softball pedestal. The Americans won the first three Olympic golds before losing to Japan in the 2008 final -- the most recent Games the sport was held. It's expected that the U.S., with legends Monica Abbott and Cat Osterman on the roster, and host Japan will again compete for gold among the six teams in the field. The two nations will meet in the group stage on July 26.   Robert Hanashiro/USA TODAY Sports Another new sport to the Olympic docket is surfing. And, when it comes to the women's side of the event, it should be quite the one-two punch when it comes to winning gold. Hawaii-native Carissa Moore is the reigning world champion, and surfing experts consider her the favorite for gold in Tokyo. However, Gilmore is a seven-time world champion and the queen of the cutback. There's no doubt she's been waiting for this moment. Should be fun.   7 of 17

Men's men’s 4x100 medley relay: United States vs. Great Britain

Rob Schumacher/USA TODAY Sports What's remarkable is that the United States has won gold in the 4x100 medley relay at every Olympics its taken part in since the inception of the event at the 1960 Games. While the American squad is certainly talented with the likes of Ryan Murphy and Caeleb Dressel on board, Great Britain topped the U.S. in the event at the 2019 world championships. Adam Peaty and Duncan Scott are two of the best in the world, but do they have enough to end the Americans' reign in the 4x100?     8 of 17

Women's swimming 100-meter breaststroke: Lilly King (USA) vs. Yulia Efimova (Russian Olympic Committee)

Gian Mattia D'Alberto/LaPresse/Icon Sportswire The rivalry between King and Efimova was essentially born during the 2016 Olympic Games at Rio. King wasn't happy about Efimova's doping ban, gave a famous finger wag, then went out and beat the Russian in the 100 breaststroke. Entering the Tokyo Games, King is the undisputed favorite while Efimova might be hard-pressed to challenge for the gold. Still, getting another chance to compete against King could make this one race to watch.   9 of 17

Women's swimming 200-, 400- and 800-meters: Katie Ledecky (USA) vs. Ariarne Titmus (Australia)

Rob Schumacher/USA TODAY Sports Ledecky is a five-time Olympic gold-medal winner and reigning champion in each the 200, 400 and 800. However, enough international swim analysts believe the upstart 20-year-old Titmus could end up touching the wall ahead of Ledecky in all three events at Tokyo that the Tasmania-born budding star has taken over as favorite. Titmus nearly delivered a world-record performance in the 200 and 400 at the Australian Olympic trials and should have plenty of confidence entering these Games -- even with the mighty Ledecky in the way.    10 of 17

Women's swimming 4x100 medley relay: United States vs. Australia

Andrew Cowie/Colorsport/Icon Sportswire The U.S. women won gold in this event at both the 2008 and '12 Olympic Games. But even with the likes of Lilly King leading the charge for the Americans, a talented Australian group might have what it takes to dethrone the U.S. in Tokyo this summer. Aussie Cate Campbell thrives as the likely relay anchor while Kylee McKeown is among the top backstroke swimmers in the world. The U.S.-Australia rivalry in the pool is expected to be quite entertaining in Tokyo.   11 of 17

Mixed swimming 4x100 medley relay: Lilly King (USA) vs. Adam Peaty (Great Britain)

Insidefoto/Imago/Icon Sportswire One of the new events on the Tokyo swim program is the mixed 4x100 medley relay. Two men and two women will swim for each country, covering the four primary strokes -- backstroke, breaststroke, butterfly and freestyle. So, wouldn't it be something if King and Peaty, the two premier stars of the breaststroke in the world, find themselves head-to-head with the inaugural gold medal on the line? Olympics swim fans can only hope.   12 of 17

Men's 100 meters: Trayvon Bromell (USA) vs. Ronnie Baker (USA) vs. Akani Simbine (South Africa) vs. Andre De Grasse (Canada)

Steph Chambers/Getty Images Usain Bolt has left the Olympic stage, opening the door for a new star to emerge. Many sprint pundits feel Bromell could be the guy in the 100. After recovering from two Achilles surgeries to repair a bone spur, Bromell finally appears ready for prime time. That said, fellow American Ronnie Baker should not be cast-off as only a silver-medal favorite. Not to mention, international standouts in De Grasse, the 2016 Olympic bronze medalist, and the uber-talented Simbine -- each seemingly worthy of challenging for the title of "fastest man in the world."    13 of 17

Men's 200 meters: Noah Lyles (USA) vs. Erriyon Knighton (USA)

Kirby Lee/USA TODAY Sports There will be plenty of eyes on Lyles, who enters his much-anticipated Olympic moment as the favorite in the 200. He didn't totally dominate at the U.S. track and field trials last month, but we'd be stunned if he wasn't on top of his game for the 200 in Tokyo. Knighton, meanwhile, is a 17-year-old phenom who might be that one youngster that captures the world with a superstar showing at the Olympics. It would not be a shock to see Knighton (who already has bested Bolt's Under-18 records in the 200) push his American teammate for the gold this summer.   14 of 17

Men's 400-meter hurdles: Rai Benjamin (USA) vs. Karsten Warholm (Norway)

Kirby Lee/USA TODAY Sports Let's consider this more of a potential upset special than anything else. Warholm is a world champion and record-holder in the 400 hurdles with a time of 46.70 seconds. That makes him a heavy favorite to win gold at Tokyo. But, Benjamin has continued to progress to an elite level and should seriously challenge Warholm. Thus, potentially creating a rivalry that could become pretty special.    15 of 17

400-meter women's hurdles: Sydney McLaughlin (USA) vs. Dalilah Muhammad (USA)

Kirby Lee/USA TODAY Sports This might be the race to watch over the entire women's track and field program at Tokyo. Muhammad won gold in the 400 hurdles at the 2016 Summer Games. McLaughlin, however, now holds the world record in the event (51.90 seconds) after she edged Muhammad in the final of the U.S. track and field trials last month -- besting her teammate's mark by 0.26 seconds. Assuming everything falls into place for the two Americans, the final of the 400 hurdles at Tokyo should be appointment viewing.   16 of 17

Men's tennis: Roger Federer (Switzerland) and Novak Djokovic (Serbia)

Susan Mullane/USA TODAY Sports Between them, Federer and world No. 1-ranked Djokovic have won nearly 40 Grand Slam titles. But, two of men's tennis' best of all time will try again to win Olympic singles gold for the first time. These two, along with Andy Murray, highlight the men's Olympic tennis field this summer at Tokyo. It would seem highly probable that Federer and Djokovic could square off in the gold-medal match with their own personal history on the line.   17 of 17

Women's tennis: Naomi Osaka (Japan) vs. Coco Gauff (United States)

Susan Mullane/USA TODAY Sports There will be no Williams' sister vying for Olympic gold in Tokyo. However, Osaka's return to the court is one of the biggest non-American storylines at this year's Summer Games. After pulling out of the French Open for a mental-health break, the 23-year-old Osaka will be the star attraction for the home nation. The two-time U.S. Open champ is favored to win singles gold. The 17-year-old Gauff is the marquee name on the American squad and it would be something to see the two square off with an Olympic gold medal on the line. Jeff Mezydlo has written about sports and entertainment online and for print for more than 25 years. He grew up in the far south suburbs of Chicago, 20 minutes from the Mascot Hall of Fame in Whiting, Ind. He’s also the proud father of 11-year-old Matthew, aka “Bobby Bruin,” mascot of St. Robert Bellarmine School in Chicago. You can follow Jeff at @jeffm401. Read the full article

[houseofvans]

SKETCHY BEHAVIORS | MEL KADEL (LA)

Los Angeles based artist Mel Kadel’s intricately detailed, carefully plotted, and insightfully drawn and watercolored works often feature her iconic female protagonist exploring, struggling, suffocating, and entangling as well as confronting, battling, and overcoming abstract obstacles and unlikely circumstances. From walls to furniture to customizing some sweet Vans Customs, Mel’s works has been featured in galleries all around the world.  Like her art, Mel is not only one thing–from running her own online shop, silk screening and hand coloring her own prints, to actively utilizing her art as a platform for her activism. In this latest Sketchy Behaviors, we find out more about Mel– from her first art show to what inspires her as well as what project she’s been the most proud of this year!  

We love Mel, so will you–Make the leap. 

Photographs courtesy of the artist | Additional photographs by Aaron Farley

Introduce yourself (and maybe a fun or interesting fact you’d like to share about yourself or background). I’m an artist living in Echo Park.  I came from the east coast with a couple suitcases to see what it was like, and I’m still here 20 years later.  I grew up in the suburbs, and when I was a teenager I delivered pizza and became obsessed with drawing.  My high school art teacher Selby and I still write each other on a regular basis.  If it wasn’t for her, I might still be delivering pizzas.       What was the first thing you remember ever drawing? What do you remember about it?  My brother is 3 years older than me, and would come home from high school when I was about 13, and give me the same art lessons he was doing in class.  One that comes to mind was turning a photo upside down and drawing it, an exercise in observation.  So he handed me David Bowie’s “Diamond Dogs” album, turned it upside down, and said “draw this”.

A lot of your work feature a female protagonist interacting, feeling, and encountering obstacles and overcoming them.  Who is she and what does she represents?  I’ve always removed myself from these characters when talking about my work, but as time goes by, I’m realizing more and more how much I’m a part of them.  They are little snap shots of emotions that I connect with enough to try and communicate.  The characters walk a fine line between strength and vulnerability, which is something most of us can relate to.  

What’s your most favorite part of the creation process? What’s your favorite thing to draw when working on a piece?  Do you have a least favorite part? The initial pencil sketch is my least favorite part.  It’s just not that interesting to me, so I try to get through that pretty quickly.  Once I begin going in with color and pen lines, I get into a really nice meditative state.  

What was your very first art show like? And how did that come about? I showed my work around LA for a couple years, in cafes and group shows, before having my first solo show at Jeff Electric Gallery in 2002.  The “Los Angeles Horse Show” was a collection of photos and drawings based on a toy horse that I carried around for months.  This horse was my copilot, coming with me to every music venue, bbq, and party.  I’d photograph people holding him, and based a large body of work from these portraits.  I had some fun times taking pics of Tony Alva, Raymond Pettibon, Don Bolles, and over 100 other friends and local characters.  I loved how social the project was.  The horse helped me get to know a lot of people and became a buffer to a relatively new city.

Favorite materials? When and why did you start staining your own paper? My materials are really basic:  Paper, pens, ink, and maybe some glue.  Years ago, I would draw on old book paper.  The yellowish color gave it an instant warmth that I liked.  But it had limitations because the sheets were so small and fragile.  So as a way to work larger and use more ink & color, I needed something stronger.  I tried to mimic these old sheets by staining thick water color paper with coffee.  The coffee’s tone helps make the colors I’m looking for, and gives me a base that feels comfortable.  I try to work on white from time to time, but It never feels quite right.

What kind of music do you listen to while creating stuff? I’m all over the place.  NPR, music, podcasts, listening to tv, and silence.  I go back and forth all day.

Who are some artists that you currently feel are creating some really cool stuff? They first few that come to mind:  Chantal Joffe, Andy Rementer, Michelle Blade, Andrew Jeffrey Wright, Wangechi Mutu, Richard Colman, Jules de Balincourt, and Travis Millard.

What would your ideal collaborative project be like? I would like to collaborate on more functional pieces like furniture, wall paper, bed sheets, lamps, anything that’s can become a part of a space.

What do you look for when you see an artist’s work? What are you drawn towards art wise? There is nothing in particular that I’m looking for, but if something strikes me it’s like a gut reaction.  Similar to the way you might feel a connection to someone when first meeting them.  It either clicks or it doesn’t.  Whether it’s a comic or an abstract painting, I’m attracted to that underlying feeling it gives me and some sense of authenticity.   

Has it been difficult being an artist?  What are some of the challenges you face, and how do you overcome them? I don’t know of anything that isn’t difficult in one way or another.  But yes, art has it’s own unique challenges beyond just creating the work.  For most people the challenges in the studio are part of the process, but trying to make a living at this can be an emotional rollercoaster.  There are these blissful moments where everything seems to be clicking, right before you’re hit with uncertainty, and that voice in your head has to keep you moving forward.  That personal dialogue can be really hard to do over and over, especially if you have some insecurity hanging around.  But really, that’s the hard stuff.  Once you get past that, you’re golden, at least for a little while. 

What project are you the most proud of? What’s something you’d love to do but haven’t had the opportunity to do yet? I put an image out this year during the Women’s March with the words “Her Rights Unite”, making posters and t-shirts.  With everything suddenly shifting in our country after the election, and this huge uproar happening, I felt very strongly about connecting my work to this moment.  It’s like the images I’ve been making my whole life about people (mostly women) struggling and persevering, connected with something larger and louder than ever before.  

How are you “Not Just One Thing?” When I’m not working on drawings, which is pretty solitary for me, I go the other direction.  Walking, hiking, gardening, dog walking, seeing friends, being a spectator.  I’m good at being a sponge.

What do you think you’d be doing if you weren’t an artist? Running my family’s arcade at Knoebel’s Grove amusement park, in Pennsylvania.  I worked at the arcade when I was 15, and still day dream about dropping everything and moving back to run the business after my uncles retire.  

What are your favorite Vans?  Canvas Old Skool

What advice would you give someone who wants to do what you do? Every artist I know has carved a very unique path for themselves.  All trial and error really.  What works for some people, doesn’t necessarily work for others.  And that path changes all the time.  So my advice is to not watch other artist’s careers too closely. Choose what feels right to you, collaborate with others, try to apply your work in different ways to keep things interesting, and while you’re busy trying to show it off to the world, remember that your work is more interesting than mimicking the vision of someone else.   The ups and downs will always be there, so enjoy the moments that feel good, there’s nothing like it.  

What do you have coming up for the rest of 2017?   The rest of this year will be spent creating work for exhibits next year.  In 2018 I have a solo show in Los Angeles, and will be traveling to Japan to do a little something at Beams.  I also have a collaborative project that I’m working on with Michelle Blade, so hopefully we’ll be releasing that next year. 

Follow Mel Kadel Website:  http://melkadel.com Instagram:  @melkadel Shop:  http://melkadel.bigcartel.com  

[callitfreedom]

Next Station: KK

First things first: happy new year to all of you!!!

I know I haven't been posting in a while (same old reason plus lack of motivation) BUT so much happened since my last post. Be prepared  for this one because it’s gonna be a looooooong post.

I’m gonna start with a short story. This story is the beginning of a wonderful friendship.  One day before our road trip to Brunei we drove down to the valley. I was in the back again enjoying the wind and complete freedom of the ride when we arrived at the first café of Buduk Nur and I was totally shocked. Right there in the middle of a street stood a tall and obviously white guy. This may seem normal to you, but when you're in the middle of nowhere in a small village in the jungle where most of the people don’t speak english (or only a few words) and I am called putih putih (which basically means really white person) you definitely don’t expect another white person. So what do you do? Well, if you bump into other white people here in Sarawak you kinda greet them like friends and I was really really happy and shocked to see that guy so this is exactly what I did. This was my first encounter with Yonathan. A coffee, some Mee Goreng and a talk later he joined us to go to the mountain so he hopped in the back with me and this is where our constant babbling started..  Some of you might now the sensation when you meet someone and IMMEDIATELY feel like friends. This is exactly what happened. In the following three weeks we shared so much laughter and tears but also the same love for eating (especially garlic) and mutual taste in music. We annoyed each other like hell, fought so loud over toilet paper that our hosts could hear the screaming at night or my screams when I earned a wet willy cause I ate the last pancake in front of his face but out of his reach (and clearly enjoyed it). I scolded him for abusing Kitschu (the most retarded cat in this planet), he made fun of me because I apparently had a huge impact on the mating habits of the pets here, I made fun of him because he’s so jumpy when it comes to flying bugs or scary noises or basically anything unexpected, we couldn't stop laughing because of Tuaks (the cat) habit of screaming randomly at night, we sucked at fire making (how many white popele does it take to start a fire? two. and a black one.) and we made some jelly which actually worked here without a fridge (shows how could it was!!). 

Oh our nicknames were Pussy (his) and asshole (mine)..

There were some magical moments like the time we watched a meteor shower (and got annoyed by the fireflies who apparently thought it’s funny that we got excited because we thought it’s a meteor every time one of them flew by..) or the night we slept outside with our sleeping bags and had to flee to the tent at 5 in the morning or simply some Oh Wonder karaoke sessions with a cup of tea and way too much cookies late at night. Seriously, I never had so much tea and cookies in my whole life. We had a lot funny moments (as you can see) but this is not one of those friendships where you only have fun. Nope, we could actually talk about the things that really affected us or just sit next to each other for hours and writing your journal and I have to say he helped me a lot through this whole realising-stuff-when-you-travel-thing. 

I don’t know if you’ll ever read this but this is for you: I really don't know how this happened. I never felt so close to someone I’ve only known for three weeks but here I am sitting in KK and missing your sorry arse and our long evening talks, the rides in the car, you picking on me and our stupid ideas like walking BAREFOOT! through the jungle and taking pictures of weird-ass rare animals.. I MISS YOU!

 Enough with the feelings. I still have to explain how I happen to be in KK and what happened in between.

The interesting part started a couple of days before Christmas Eve. Three buddhist nuns came to the mountain and planned on staying there for a while to become one with nature or however you wanna describe it. Those cute old ladies are very interesting! Cooking skills are insane, they taught us how to properly meditate and do some yoga and have some interesting ‘healing’ techniques they showed us on the 25th. Anyways short resume of my Christmas: 24th. Isak and Wendy didn't return from their short trip to Indonesia in the morning, we did some yoga, had a few nice meals and were surprised when Isak came up there exhausted like hell and telling us that there was an erosion on the road that makes it impossible to come up to the mountain with the car.. means we got stuck there (even though my plan was to get to Lawas on 25th) and he had to go back to the car where Wendy was, but promised us that everything will be cleared by tomorrow. 25th. Still no sign of the two of them so I decided to let get some healing from the nuns. They say (especially in areas like the mountain) that a lot of dampness gets into your body and brings us sickness. So what is the best way to get rid off it? Apparently by hitting your body over and over with your hands (or a special tool) until some bruises show up. If I knew what exactly they’re doing and how much pain it cause I wouldn't have let them do the ‘healing’ However I ended up with a buddhist nun beating me up for 4 hours on both arms. Sounds strange right? Oh, I forgot to mention that the generator was broken, so we sat there in complete isolation and without electricity!

 26th. Still nothing from Isak and Wendy so Yonathan and I decided to walk down to Ba’Kelalan (not before on of his arms got beaten up as well). It took us a while to reach civilisation because of some arguing, some difficulties of crossing the erosion and some high level of retardedness when we crossed an excavator.

We finally reached the church and were greeted by Isak’s brother Dawat who asked us to join their little Christmas party and dinner after. The meal itself was pig with pig and umm let me think.. pig! Kinda horrible after more than a week of vegetarian cooking. After that we crashed at Dawat’s place and I had to contact my beloved mum to tell her that I’m still alive (which she doubted at that point by the way).

All in all I had a really interesting and remarkable Christmas. On the 27th we decided to stay with Maureen, Andy and Badau in their Homestay The Owl House (if anyone of you ever decides to travel this part of the world you HAVE to got there. it is downright beautiful and decorated with so much love). We know those three from some encounters before and Maureen and Andy are just a really lovely and caring couple. The three of them know so much about the wildlife here in Borneo (Andy is a professional photographer who printed some books on the wildlife and people in Malaysia) and are just hilarious! the three nights I stayed with them were full of laughter and good stories.  They can show the beautiful places around Ba’Kelalan and help you experience and understand the local life und culture. We spend a fun night with an Indonesian (who laughs like he’s a witch stirring some poison) gathered around the fireplace in their living room and had a good swim in a stream near their place.

One day before New Year’s Eve I decided to take the plane to Lawas. While waiting for the flight I met my tiny kitten again from a couple of days before and when the time was to get into the plane her owner actually said I should take her with me! Crazy people here.. It was a hard goodbye to Maureen, Andy, Badau and especially Yonathan.  The flight itself was 30 minutes, there were like 6 other people on the plane and I sat directly behind the pilots to have a good view.

The day in Lawas was full of surprises as well. I stayed with Isak's cousin Richard (know him from some other times we stayed there) and we went out for some food and watching a football game which led to a night of drinking beer and singing karaoke with complete strangers.  The next day I took the bus to KK (4 hours ride costs about 5€) where I checked into the Akinabalu Youth Hostel and celebrated my NYE with Andrew (basically a stranger I know from couchsurfing) in an asian food point. Not really what I expected but I got used to the feeling of unexpected events here! My very first day in KK and my very first day of the new year started quite good, with a tour I got from Dzul (another local I know from couchsurfing). I saw the main attractions in KK (not really much), had amazing food, met his cousin plus girlfriend and we spent a great day here all together ending with a great meal at the pasar filipino (illegal market where philippinos sell anything from fruits over seafood to electronic devices) and me trying the Durian fruit. I STRONGLY ADVISE YOU NOT TO TRY IT. Seriously, whenever you pass the streets of KK and get a smell like someone is dying in a corner it’s Durian.. and it tastes as rotten as it smells. i have no clue why EVERY asian is in love with this stuff, it’s horrible. Better try Rambutan or Mangostane, those are really nice!

Durian Fruit aka King of fruits.

Rambutan and Magostane.

Right now I’m sitting in the October Coffee House now, writing this and realising this is the first day since I started travelling which completely belongs to me and no one else and I’m gonna keep it that way! So that’s it. Goodbye guys, see you soon!