On The Jukebox: "Killers Of The Flower Moon (Soundtrack From The Apple Original Film)"
Original music composed by Robbie Robertson. Featuring the following tracks:
Robbie Robertson - "Still Standing"
Rayna Gellert, Kieran Kane, Philip Jamison & David Mansfield - "Tupelo Blues"
Vince Giordano & Nighthawks - "Livery Stable Blues"
Adam Nielsen - "The Gallop, Chasse, Pas De Bourree"
Vince Giordano & Nighthawks - "Metropolis (A Blue Fantasie)"
Andy Stein - "Mollie"
Osage Tribal Singers - "Wahzhazhe (A Song For My People)"
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On the way back something very strange happened. I didn't realize I was going to say it, but I said out loud, "I wish I was dead"... the love and the beauty and the ecstasy of the whole experience I'd just gone through were really so alien. I didn't even know the man... it had been a one-night jag... he was married and had children... and I just felt lost. It hardly seemed worth living any more because once again I was alone.”
― Jean Stein, Edie: American Girl
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I walked into a small bookstore on Friday to pick up a book I had meant to read for months. I had just finished my previous book and, because I wasn’t home and still had four more days left visiting my sister, I decided to read ‘A Little Life.’
The book was just over 800 pages and I thought that it would be a good read for the next few weeks or so.
Little did I know I’d finish it 3 days later.
I hear stories all the time of people who’ve read the book. Their grievances, their frustrations, their mourning. I hear how they cried every time they opened it.
I didn’t cry once, but I feel broken.
Maybe it was because I felt connected to Jude in some way, to his trauma, to his guilt. Or maybe it was because I myself am still unable to accept my own existence, my own pain.
Though, I also feel like an imposter. A fraud. How dare I connect myself to a character so different than I?
Ever since I was a kid, I formed deep emotional connections with characters in any media I exposed myself to. I believed them to be my friends, my family, or even extensions of myself.
So, when I finish a book, I feel a part of myself is lost. Ripped away. Destroyed.
That’s the feeling I have after finishing this book.
The pain I felt was that, given the book recorded a lifetime, with the characters growing old, I remained young. I sit here, experiencing the entire life of a man, all the while I stay 19 years old in a random week of July.
And as I was finishing the book today, I sat outside in a lawn chair, under a shaded tree. Across from me, a summer camp program exited a building to eat lunch outside.
A kid sat in the chair across from me to begin eating his lunch.
He looked at me. I didn’t look at him.
“What book are you reading?” He asked me.
I brought my head up from the page to meet his eyes.
“Oh, just a grown up book about a man’s life.” And I smiled at him, trying to hide the pain the book had brought me.
“Sounds boring,” he replied, “See, instead of reading about his life, I would just live his.”
The kid continued to eat his lunch and I sat there, unable to form words.
I looked down at the book in my hands, my heart aching for the man in the book, and looked back up at the kid.
He sat in the chair, eating a turkey and cheese sandwich, peeling the crust off the bread, dropping the scraps to the ground. He tore of pieces of the sandwich piece by piece as he kicked his legs while he sat, feet swinging in the air.
“Nah, kid, just live your own life.”
And I hope that kid’s life is as wonderful as he could ever imagine. May it not be tarnished by anything or anyone evil. I wish for all his sandwiches to have no crusts for him to peel off, and for everyday to be sunny so he can play.
I hope his life is everything he could ever wish it could be.
And I hope that it’s more than that.
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advertising post for my upcoming/in progress A Little Life fics bc im so excited about them and need to talk about them :D
just what the doctor ordered (title not finalized)
Fic about Andy and Jude meeting for the first time when Jude is seventeen and has a terrible, sustained episode that makes his friends take him to the campus hospital. Fic follows Andy and Jude through their relationship up until Jude's death
I won't put my child in the dark
Fic about Harold and Julia in the days and weeks and months after Jude's death. enough said about that ;)
Scones
A lighthearted, no angst A Little Life fic???? can you believe it. If you've ever watched Derry Girls you will love this one. I'm taking the scones episode from season two, and putting the Boys in the Hood in a similar situation. College shenanagins involving corpses and weed
Gnossienne
Remember when Jude said his worst nightmare would be for Harold and Julia to find out about his past through a doctors report, a photograph, or a film still? Yeah, that's EXACTLY what happens. woops
No title yet (relatively new idea so yk)
Fic about Harold and Julia meeting for the first time, with Harold finding happiness again after grieving Jacob's passing and his divorce from Liesl. First dates, wedding, and general love !
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I finished watching monster high escape from skull shores and... Maybe it's my penchant for angsty romantic stories but I can't see the Andy x Frankie ending well.
I can see how Andy unconsciously superimposes the image of the scientist with Frankie. There are so many new things to adjust to that probably the biggest change is that the girl you loved has a double who doesn't even know you. Talk to her about things that you and that other girl experienced as if they were shared anecdotes but she has no idea what you're talking about...
As cute as Andy was, I can't see how well a relationship between the two of them would make. It must be taken into account that he was so OBSESSED and FASCINATED with that scientist, to the point of filling the entire island with statues of her. He's not letting go that easily.
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