#andrew you might be able to answer better

[ninyard]

do you think if aaron and katelyn had kids (twins possibly?) that andrew would make a pact with katelyn not aaron to protect them if anything happened. Been considering it for a while now

I’m imagining what that’d look like and all that comes to mind is if Aaron ever mentioned something in therapy along the lines of not being able to cope if his kids grow up the way he did. They’re talking about the future and Aaron is talking about kids with Bee, and he says something like,

“I really want to have kids. I do. I want to give them what I didn’t have. But I’m afraid that I still don’t know any better, and I’m just going to fuck them up anyway.“

“And what if you did? Or at least, think that you did?” Betsy asks. “What if something happens, or you make a little mistake in raising them, what then?”

And he thinks about it for a minute. He looks at Andrew briefly, he looks at himself. He can’t look at Betsy. Maybe his eyes are glued to the ceiling.

“I couldn’t live with myself,” Aaron answers. “Knowing things could’ve been different and they weren’t.”

I think the deal that Andrew could’ve made with Katelyn, when he finds out that she’s pregnant, would’ve been to always, always, always, prioritise their children over Aaron. It doesn’t make much sense to her - why would Andrew, who has always been so fiercely protective over Aaron, now say to her don’t put him first?

No matter what happens - if Aaron relapses, if he overworks himself, if his nightmares get worse or his past comes back to haunt him, Andrew wants her to promise that she’ll never let the kids suffer for the sake of Aaron. Andrew can always look after him. He can help in anyway he knows how. But what’ll only make things worse is if Aaron starts spiralling, and now his kids start to see him as addict dad, scary dad, angry dad, absent dad. Mommy doesn’t have time to play with us because daddy won’t get out of bed. It’d kill Aaron to become the thing he’s always resented his own biological father for - not being there, not caring about his kids. To hear his kids say I hate you would destroy him.

So Andrew makes her promise to shelter them from that. Aaron will worry and scream and cry don’t you take my fucking kids if she ever takes them away from him while he’s recovering, to her moms house, or somewhere else.

He’ll raise hell so she doesn’t leave with them; but he won’t survive if they stay.

He won’t survive if his kids grow up just waiting for dad to have a bad spell again. Waiting for something to happen. Going to sleep afraid of what mood dad might be in when they wake up. Growing up remembering what it looked like when dad hadn’t showered or shaved in two weeks. What it sounded like when he yelled at mom because he’d been working for three weeks straight. The way his eyes looked when he was high, and they were too young to know what it was.

He’d rather be locked in a bathroom with Andrew outside the door for a month, his kids thinking that daddy’s on a business trip, than expose them to the life he only has because of his fuck up parents.

Maybe that’s a deal Andrew makes with Katelyn. Maybe.

[theninthdoor]

ᯓ࿔ pac || yes or no, and a message from Spirit ˚ ⋅

☁️ think of a question you need a Yes/No answer for, take 3 deep breaths and pick one of the piles below! this should give you a general idea of what the energy surrounding this matter is + what Spirit wants you to know and/or do. ☁️ take only what resonates and leave the rest! if you feel like the pile you've initially picked doesn't really apply to the situation you're thinking of, it's OK to pick another one. ☁️ remember that this is all for entertainment purposes and that free will still exists. don't feel pressured to do anything you don't want to or to make a pile/answer fit you situation, ok? ☁️ enjoy, my friends!

🍀 pile 1 || cards: five of pentacles, seven of cups rx, balance, magic.

Your answer, my dear pile 1, is No. Spirit wants you to know that there is something much better for you out there, and that you shouldn't keep yourself stuck to only this option (or the very few you've been considering). I can feel your sadness and frustration, but please trust that your Spirit Team is doing their best to help you navigate through & overcome this period, alright? Don't rush into a decision just because you want to get this over with. As soon as this moment of transition is over, you might realize that what you thought you wanted, isn't all that great after all; or, alternatively, that you were willing to settle for something that isn't in alignment with your greatest good and/or true desires. It might also happen that, if you give it time, Spirit could give you the green light to pursue this option - that's only for a few of you, though. For the majority, I see that this really isn't the best bet anyway.

[extra confirmation that this might be your pile (doesn't have to apply): a white cat; Kat/Cat/Catherine/Katherine/Catarina; white socks and ballerina shoes; 29; dark blue walls; just painted or got your nails done by someone else; Andre/Andrew/Andres; low temperatures; slavic countries; pisces.]

🍀 pile 2 || cards: king of wands, page of pentacles, illumination, growth.

Goodness… this pile has such a strong and assertive energy, that there is no way you guys are still doubting yourselves! It's a clear Yes, my sweet pile 2. You already know what to do, where to go, what to leave behind and what to take with you on the journey ahead. You've seen the light already, and chances are that you are have already made some moves towards your goal, so just keep going! Don't be impulsive, though; always make sure to stay grounded and realistic. If you haven't made any moves, however, someone else might've OR the Universe has been preparing the stage for this to happen. You might soon realize that things just seem to be falling into place all around, and you're all of a sudden full with good luck. Finally, I feel like some of you might also need to hear this: stay informed! Do all of the research you think is necessary, and stay up date with all of the new details/updates regarding this matter.

[extra confirmation that this might be your pile (doesn't have to apply): 1st year as a college student; taking the subway every day now; swimming as a hobby; dark green hoodie; Jen/Jennifer/Jerome; G initial; Grace or "with grace"; 19; a item of jewelry that you never take off, likely a necklace; Church; eating your meals in a rush or on the go; soccer/football.]

🍀 pile 3 || cards: ace of wands rx, eight of pentacles rx, love, flow.

Not yet. Something needs to be done or finished before you get that much desired green light from Spirit. If you felt pulled towards Pile 1 as well, feel free to check that out, by the way! - for some, those messages may also apply. Your energy isn't heavy, even though I still get a big sense of frustration here. Now, after struggling so much with this reality, you know that you are either not ready for such a change OR to receive this "thing" and be able to handle it. I feel like you guys have been doing a lot of inner-work lately, and have been putting a lot of effort into matters of self-worth, self-confidence, and so on; and this realization may have come from that. My dear pile 3, you are on the right path, alright? You just need to stay focused on yourself for now, so you can later receive all of the blessings you have been waiting & praying for.

[extra confirmation that this might be your pile (doesn't have to apply): fidgeting with your fingers 24/7; daily warm, soft hugs from a family member or best friend; 29, again; 00; white bomber jacket; always making sure you have your gloves with you; a spike in humidity; geography or biology; lab coats; lost and/or got a new transit pass, passport or ID; significant earth placements.]

🍀 pile 4 || cards: eight of pentacles, the lovers, fear, abundance.

Some of you may have had to leave people, or even home, behind to pursue a dream, or may be considering it (and, by the way, it doesn't have to be literal or physical). You're afraid that you'll be alone and/or that those you're leaving behind will not miss you. However, Spirit wants you to know that none of that is true, and that things will turn out much better than you could've ever expected. You have big plans for your life but also a big heart; and instead of having these two parts of yourself work together as they should, they are fighting against each other. Sometimes, in order to achieve something major, we must make some sacrifices, you know, pile 4? And that might sound scary, yes, but when you are living through it, you'll see that it actually isn't. We make sacrifices every day without even realizing it… for example, when we sacrifice an extra hour of sleep to spend some more time texting that special someone; or when we sacrifice our precious feet just to show off our new favorite, yet insanely painful, pair of shoes. If you're on the other end of it, however, and you're the one being "left behind", make sure to use this time to work on your goals instead of focusing all of your energy on how much you miss that something or someone. So, your answer is neither a Yes nor a No, because I feel like most of you guys are wording your question wrong?? Just know that this is a time for you to prosper, my dear pile 4, and that you should move forward with your goals.

[extra confirmation that this might be your pile (doesn't have to apply): spending a lot of time alone, sitting in the parking lot; your car's a mess; fidgeting with your earrings or rings; rubbing your eye until it hurts; Sanders/Sandra/Salome/Soumaya; north african countries; south east asian countries; stuffed teddy bear; 57; dad's or grandpa's birthday.]

decks used || Tarot of the New Vision & Prism Oracle

(Disclaimer: Based on current energies. All is alleged and for entertainment purposes only. None of the original images are my own - only the edits!)

[avo-gal]

Varigo villian au lore (pt2?? Ig?)

Soz this took longer than expected lol.

So originally I had two ways for varigo to meet but this is the one I ended up liking more.

Varian

In this au when Rapunzel frees Quirin that was sort of Varian's breaking point bc Quirin didn't survive the Amber. Quirin possibly being alive and things going back to normal was the only hope Varian had left without that he.. lost it to keep it short. Andrew tries to work his way back in and Varian practically freaks out and kills him. Whether it was intentional or not he's still not sure. But a part of him that sick twisted part enjoyed it. So now his mission is to kill all those that cross him and in doing so rise to power. Varian in this au is (for lack of a better word) very insane. He's kinda similar to jinx from arcane? Except less childish. He's like a mix between Jinx and Silco personality wise.

Hugo

Hugo meanwhile is still a thief. He finds the abandoned village of old Corona and decides to raid one of the few remaining houses for any goods. That house was old and messy. The rooms were filled with blueprints, designs, lab equipment, tools, metal, etc. Hugo is fascinated with these designs and is a good engineer. that's when a raven haired boy sees him and initially freaked out and is about to kill him (which he's kinda into cause like damn). But Hugo is able to schmooze his way out of that with a good ol "I hate the rich. You hate the rich. We should kiss- I MEAN build these robots and weapons and take over the kingdom together!" Over the course of about a year (more or less) Varian and Hugo build everything and take over (it actually wasn't too hard). Hugo in this au isn't too different from his regular self. He's more energetic however and isn't afraid to get gorey. He is def a masochist in this au lol. Whilst Varian does constantly give him opportunities to have the same level of power as him Hugo never takes it. One reason is he does want the responsibility another may be that he likes being below Varian.

Varigo

Over all Varigo have a sort of situationship? They'll refer to the other as their partner, boyfriend, fiance, etc. But their relationship is very toxic. I wouldn't say manipulative exactly more power hungry? Or fear fueled? They do care very deeply abt the other (since they are the only ones that care abt the other) and if U hurt one of them the other wouldn't hesitate to kill you. But they often threaten each other physically and emotionally (and not always in a playful way). Hugo on the outside seems like he's only in the relationship for the money and sex and Varian seems like he's only in it for reassurance and weaponry. But they both have common interests and are almost unstoppable when they work as a team. There are a lot of layers to both of them the closest couples I can think of to reference them to is stolitz more so in the earlier seasons and maybe Harley Quinn and the Joker? I'm not very good at explaining their relationship but they are very fun to write lol.

Donella

I haven't given Donella much thought in this au. I think after finding out Hugo has taken over Corona with Varian she tries working with them offering her men and resources.

TTS Cast (may change)

Rapunzel, Cass, Eugene and the others have a sort of rebellion in the snuggly duckling. I haven't thought too much magic hair wise but I think Raps has lost her powers by now so they have a very low chance of winning. The current state of this au is abt a year after Vat7k would have happened.

Someone asked on the last post if I plan on writing a fic for this au.

The answer is not currently no. If I did write a fic for this I would want to have more planned out and there's alot in this au I'm still not sure abt. If it got enough attention or if someone also wanted to write a fic I might do a couple's one shots just to sort of show the characters and how they act in this au. But for now I'm prob just gonna stick with occasionally posting abt it. As I said if it gets enough attention or if I come up with more for the au then I might do something big or post more often abt it.

Okay byeee U guys are amazing make sure U eat today <33

🥗🍟🍕🧁

[saltydogsmut]

Now Andrew is only supposed to be roughly 2 years older than Leyley. So why is she so childlike? 

In decay part 1a she doesn't understand why ripping up homework isn't a valid solution to Andrew's problem of having no time to do it. Which is uh...

If we stretch things a bit, then she could be 5 while andrew is seven, having a birthday that puts her in school earlier, but thats assuming they start school at 6 years old. But as nemlei is finnish, there's a more interesting answer.

Finnish schools start at age 7. 

If we assume the graves were too broke to send Ashley to preschool, but were able to send Andrew since they had more support back then, then that means it's possible Leyley had no socialization outside her home and thus Andrew, until then.  (I doubt they would have seen much wrong with leaving her in front of the tv while no one was home for a few hours).

That means at 7 years old Leyley has no concept of consequences or how to interact with people outside of Andrew. She repeats everything she hears and isn't used to socializing enough to care when her chances to are taken away. Nor has Andrew ever had responsibilities bigger than her. 

Developmentally she's vastly behind her peers. Think three to four. Its no wonder she's so irresponsible in that flashback, she's never had a chance to know better. 

And depending on when they transitioned from grandpa graves house to their apartment that may be the cause of why she wasn't sent to preschool while Andrew was as 1: they may not have wanted the kids alone with him and 2: in Finland in the 1970s free or low income schooling was a rollout system depending on regions. Meaning it might not have been in the budget anymore. 

Especially as Mrs graves likes to pretend they are well off, she may have been saving up to put Andrew into /learning school/ and not just /people school/ at age 10. Only the former allowered for university education and not just tertiary schooling, but it cost money. This system was unfair and part of why the free education rollout 1970-77 was important. Also why Renee was so smug about having a degree/going to university, since learning school placements were very competitive, despite the fact they costed money.

Mrs graves would never let anyone go to their appartment and prove they were poor. So Ashley has only likely been to three places in her (social) life. The appartment, grandparents, and now school. 

So uh. Yeah. Turns out if you stick a kid in front of a tv for years with only another child to look after them they're a bit fucked up. Who knew! 

[22ayla21]

Summary: You took an oath that even if you die, you will definitely meet in your next life, under the same pomegranate tree where you first met.

Warning: AU, mentions of death (reader died in a past life), reincarnation, angst, tarot reader, clairvoyant.

From the Author: I was able to complete the world quest with Deshret only recently and gods, how mesmerizing it is. I'm very interested in the desert, it's a pity that there is little lore on it.

To say that I’m not like everyone else, everyone will think that I’m an upstart, posing as a simpleton, but I’m really different from ordinary people. You see, I am a person with an unusual gift, I can see spirits since birth. They say that newborn children and animals are very sensitive to the paranormal, my parents believed in this up to a certain point, until I grew up and began to scare them with the words “Mom, dad, look! There’s Aunt Bella!” Yeah, Aunt Bella, who died in an accident due to the fault of one drunk driving... Mom then almost fainted.

That's pretty much how all the paranormal stuff started with me. I am already 25 and roughly speaking, I have become a local fortune teller, as some call it, which sounds very rude, since I am a clairvoyant and a tarot reader to boot. Of course, I charge for my services, but it happens that sometimes deceased clients come to me, that is, spirits who ask me for help, to finish things or say important words that they did not have time to say during their lifetime. Honestly, I would not pay attention to them, but there was one case when I ignored the spirit and as a result, the daughter of a deceased woman died at the hands of her husband. I still feel guilty for not warning that girl...

Fortunately, today is my day off and I can take a little break from the daily hustle and bustle. I decided to lie in bed and watch Egyxos at the same time. So what? I live alone, no one bosses me around, I can at least be a child alone with myself. Since childhood, I have loved everything connected with Egypt, and I am studying to be a historian and the topic of my diploma is Ancient Egypt, the secrets of the pyramids and pharaohs.

My joyful and exciting mood was ruined by a call from a friend. Still, it would be better to set the “do not disturb” mode...

- Hello, friend!

- What do you want (F/N)? Get to the point, you wouldn’t have called me if it wasn’t very, very “important,- I answered my friend displeasedly. Well, it's true! I told her not to call on my day off, but she again probably asks for a triangle layout for the first men she meets.

- Well, you’re so mean,- she pouted, for sure. - In short, I met two guys here, they’re so nice. One is so tall that...

- I don't care what they look like. Their names and two bottles of cognac at your expense, and I’ll make you a triangle layout - I’m really not interested in her personal life right now. I value (F/N), but she is very amorous and after a couple of betrayals, some scoundrels (which is putting it mildly), she is desperately looking for that very man who will only love her and not get under the skirt of others.

- I guess I’m tired of you with my men, aha-hah... Sorry, Y/N...

- To hell with you. I’ll make a schedule and bring some booze to me next weekend. Agreed?

- Agreed! I'll be waiting for a message from you! Bye bye!

- Where are you going?! Tell me the names of your men! How can I make a schedule for you? - how I love her instant forgetfulness with all my backside.

- Oh, oh! Andrew and John are their names.

I made this triangle layout and purely theoretically, something might work out between her and Andrew, but it depends on both of them, I can only suggest a possible scenario. But John has something dark behind him, so it’s better for a friend not to get too close to him. I wrote the message, and then it’s up to (F/N).

I would like to eat some fruit now, I really want pomegranate or pomegranate juice, but the only option is to leave the house and go buy it, but I’m too lazy. Eh, there’s nowhere to go, maybe I’ll buy myself something else, I’ll go and get ready quickly.

It didn’t take long to get ready, only about 10 minutes, I left my apartment and went towards the supermarket. Already on the spot, I began to look for the fruit I needed. I quickly found it, took the bag and, touching the pomegranate, I had a vision.

Love... such a strong feeling, but at the same time weak. One day my love destroyed the one I loved very much. I don't want... I can't lose you too...

My habib albi, you yourself said that love is a very strong feeling, so let me become your strength, your support in such troubled times.

My Merit...

I want to share my love with you, like I once shared a pomegranate with you. Even though I am destined to die as an ordinary mortal, I will definitely return to you under that pomegranate tree where we met.

The vision disappeared, and I felt a tear roll down my cheek. This is the first time something like this has happened to me. I have experience as a clairvoyant, but for some reason I felt empty and lost after this vision. I didn’t even want to buy pomegranates, but since I came to buy them, I’ll buy them. Although it is interesting that similar visions will continue to appear.

. . .

A month later I went on a little trip. I needed material for my thesis, and I would draw it from the history of Egypt itself. Of course, now it is possible to find the missing information on the Internet, but it is still much better to see all the secrets of Egypt for yourself.

The strangest thing is that when I arrived in Egypt, visions began to torment me. From them I only understood that the king fell in love with a girl who became both strength and weakness for him, but because of the unrest in the country, both she and he died. It’s a sad story, but there’s something left unsaid in it, but I can’t figure out what it is.

Today I have a meeting with an expert who will talk about Heliopolis, one of the oldest and most important cities in Ancient Egypt. The meeting with this expert will be the last, since after this I will have to return home and complete the material for the diploma. It’s sad, because I want to know even more about Egypt, it fascinates with its secrets.

I was supposed to meet with the expert in the park near the museum, but since I arrived earlier than the appointed time, I decided to take a walk to pass the waiting time.

Walking through the park, I noticed a pomegranate tree. It’s strange that it is in such a place, but looking at it, for some reason I remembered a fragment of my visions, where the king met a girl under a pomegranate tree.

I walked up to the tree and began to look at it. An ordinary fruit tree, there is nothing so distinctive, but for some reason it attracts you. It’s as if some unknown force wants to say something, but cannot.

For about 5 minutes I stood and looked straight at the tree that I didn’t even notice how a fruit fell from the tree, but it fell not on the ground, but on my head. I managed to catch the pomegranate in my palm, but my head now hurt from the blow.

- Miss, are you okay?

- Yes, I'm... fine..

Looking at the man who was looking at me worriedly, I felt a surge of joy, happiness, but also bitterness. I felt the same as in my first vision about the Tsar and my favorite, but for some reason it was joy that I felt.

It was at this moment that, out of luck, another vision came to me.

My dear, Merit... I could not protect you, I could not protect my people... My ambitions became the grave of both Nabu Malicath and you. If my sacrifice can cure the plague on my lands, then I will give my life without regret. My only wish is to meet you in the next life under the same grana tree where we met.

- Maybe you should still go to the doctor, miss? - the man became more worried at the sight of my numbness. I couldn’t tell him to his face that I was imagining a moment from the past. They'll take her for a crazy person.

- Everything is fine with me. There’s no need to worry, I’m just tired after several weeks of work - it wasn’t a lie, since I’m really tired, but I won’t tell just anyone about my paranormal powers. Although the words “just anyone” do not quite apply to this situation. It’s difficult to describe in words, because looking at the man in front of me, I felt that I could trust that he was someone I once knew, the feeling of deja vu did not leave me.

- Excuse me, have we never met before? You just seem very familiar to me...

- Oh, it’s unlikely that we’ve ever met, this is the first time I’ve seen you, miss. Perhaps my words will seem absurd, but maybe we met in a past life?

The question itself sounded like a slight flirtation or even a joke, but for some reason, behind the man’s back, I saw a shadow, or rather the image of the king who appeared in my visions. Time seemed to stop, I didn’t hear anyone, as if I had fallen into a trance, but the man’s voice made me realize one important thing.

- I have been waiting for our meeting for a long time, my dear Merit, - an important detail that I have been missing all this time. I was the same Merit from the visions. More precisely, my past life. And the man in front of me is the same man who swore to wait for me in my next life. He is the same king who sacrificed his soul to stop the plague because he could not save the life of his beloved.

[moonsgemini]

seeking arrangements - iv

summary: With just two days left of before the wedding the celebrations continue. Going to a bachelorette & bachelor party when you’re a fake couple might cause some issues. Especially when Lola can’t seem to stop taking tequila shots & the liquid might have given her too much courage.

warnings: escort!rafe x oc, alcohol, angst, insecurities, fluff, thomas (he deserves a warning), shitty family, kissing

wc: 5.1k

an: I’m gonna be real I kinda hate this part, I feel like I lacked in every aspect lol. But it is done, & there’s two more parts to goooo. ALSO HELP I cannot get my comments to work. Like I can’t reply to people or comment on other peoples posts. It’s on in my settings I’m pretty sure so idk what I’m doing wrong.

series masterlist - previous part

“What’s on the agenda today?” Rafe asked before taking a bite of his bagel.

Lola was sitting next to him squinting at her laptop. She may have had the week off from work but she couldn’t help but try and catch up on some pieces that needed to be read. She hadn’t felt focused enough the last few days to try and squeeze in any work because she’d been so anxious. After the engagement party and the boat day she felt a lot more relaxed. Rafe managed to put a sense of calm over her.

After they got home from the party they spent the rest of the night in bed watching another movie. This one was Rafe’s pick. He made her watch The Godfather, but they didn’t really pay too much attention. Lola kept asking questions during the film and of course Rafe answered all of them. Never once did he get upset at her for talking during the movie, something Thomas hated that she did. The conversation ended up leading to them talking about everything. Rafe opened up a lot more to her and she felt closer to him.

It scared her because it meant that even if they continue to be friends after this she’ll never have him in the way she wants. When this whole thing began Lola was unsure about it because what if she got caught but she never thought that there’d be a possibility she’d fall in love with the guy. Of course it had to be Rafe that she reached out to, the most perfect guy.

“Ummm we have the bachelor and bachelorette parties today. Girls are going to one bar and guys are going to another,” She turned to him giving him a weak smile. This is the first time they’ll really be separated from each other.

Rafe groaned, “I have to be with those frat boys all night.”

She threw her head back laughing, “They aren’t that bad. Well except for you know who, he’s that bad.”

“Oh they are that bad sweetheart,” He took a sip of his coffee before continuing, “Except Harry, he’s been pretty decent. I don’t know why you ran with these crowds.”

“Please I only saw them when we came here because they’re all my sisters friends or Harry’s. They met them in college.”

“Explains why you and Tabitha are the coolest,” Rafe smirked at her. She rolled her eyes playfully turning back to the laptop in front of her.

“So that’s why my ears were ringing,” Tabitha said as she walked into the kitchen.

“Good morning to you Tabs,” Lola grinned watching her cousin pour herself a big mug of coffee.

Rafe chuckled, “Went a little too hard yesterday?”

“Possibly,” She rolled her eyes and grabbed the supplies for a bagel.

“Hey you better be able to go out later I’m not doing that alone,” Lola scolded.

Tabitha sat in the seat in front of her, “Relax I’ll make it. Takes me back to college, drunk every weekend.”

“Okay so what am I supposed to do with these guys for a whole night?” Rafe was not excited at all for the bachelor party. Ever since the boat conversations he’s been trying to avoid them. Everything was a dick riding contest to them.

Tabitha waves her bagel around, “Just get drunk, talk about sports too.”

“Getting drunk does sound promising,” he shrugged.

Lola laughed, “You can also talk about finance, you know they love that stuff.”

Tabitha nodded her head, “I’m always having to tell Andrew to shut up when he starts giving me financial advice.”

“I definitely don’t need financial advice. Sometimes I’m glad I don’t have many friends. The less friends or people close to you the better,” Rafe shrugged.

“You two really are made for each other,” Tabitha said looking between the two with a playful grin.

-

Lola had come up with a plan. Maybe it was a stupid plan and would end horribly or it could go amazingly. She was going to go out and take a few shots to earn that liquid courage before ubering home if Rafe was back and then try to seduce him. She couldn’t stand being around him and not be able to touch him.

Of course they did subtle stuff to convince her family, but it was never enough. When he’d place his hand on the small of her back to guide her around the engagement party her body felt ablaze. Her fingers itched to run through his hair and pull him closer. They hadn’t kissed since the boat and her lips ached for his. She missed his soft touch, the things he would make her feel with something so simple as his hand on the back of her neck.

Sleeping next to him at night was the hardest. He slept shirtless and it was incredibly distracting. There had been moments where she’d wake up to his arm around her, his nose tucked into the back of her neck. Rafe knew what he was doing, he’d blame it on him doing it in his sleep. He was really like half asleep and she just looked so cute and soft laying there he couldn’t help himself. If she moved away or anything he would have pulled away but she never did.

He was very disappointed that he wouldn’t really get to hangout with her tonight when their time playing boyfriend and girlfriend was almost over. He’d rather spend the day at the beach with her than drinking with a bunch of guys he didn’t know.

He was sitting outside on the deck going through his emails while thinking about the girl that was inside. Lola insisted on making margaritas for them to pregame. They didn’t have to leave until six so they had time to just relax. Lola came out with glasses and a pitcher of the alcoholic drink.

“Woah there cowboy, we’re gonna finish all that?” He asked with a chuckle.

“Well we can try, or it will just go to waste.” She smirked shrugging. Sitting down next to him she began to pour the watermelon margaritas into the glasses. He smiled at her just looking at her. Rafe liked watching her just do stuff.

“What?” She asked with a nervous laugh. His blue eyes made her nervous because when he looked at her she felt like he was actually looking at her. Not the girl everyone thought was weak because of her breakup. Not the girl that lets everyone walk all over her.

He shrugged, “Nothing, just like looking at you.”

She looked away from his tense gaze, a small grin forming at her lips. It was hard to deny the fact that he didn’t have an effect on her, “You’re too much.” she said because it was true. Everything about him was so overwhelming.

“So Rafe what’s your next job after this one? Or should I say who is your next job?”

He adjusted in his seat. Scrunching his nose as he looked out at the backyard, “Uh no one right now. I-I don’t know I’ve been thinking of retiring.”

“Woah really?” She looked over at him a bit shocked.

“Yeah this week has given me a new perspective you could say,” he took a drink from his margarita.

“How so?” She asked her voice quieter now.

He shrugged, “I guess I just realized I want more. I don’t want to be a paid companion anymore, I want to be just a companion.”

Butterflies of hope flew around in her stomach. Lola’s delusions were starting to get the best of her. Maybe it’s because of me, she thought. Rafe takes her silence as not a good sign.

He feels like maybe he had said too much and scared her away, “Uh so I’ll probably try and get myself out there more. Ya know when we get back to the city. Find a girl finally go on dates.”

The butterflies were crushed at those words. Find a girl. Those words hurt her but she couldn’t show it. Rafe could read her better than anyone even though he’s only known her for a month. Her furrowed brows and the way she couldn’t look at him gave her away. He knew what he said hurt her, maybe he had been reading everything wrong.

She cleared her throat to try and get rid of the lump in her throat, “That’s uh great Rafe. I-I think that sounds great.” She smiled at him the best she could. Lola started chugging the rest of her margarita not really in the mood to sit and drink with him.

He watched her with concern. Rafe wanted to shove his words back into his mouth to get that pretty smile back on her face “Lola I..”

“I-I’m gonna go and get ready now. I’ll see you in a bit okay Rafe,” She gave her another fake smile before walking back inside.

“Fuck,” He muttered rubbing his face out of frustration with himself.

The whole time Rafe felt like he thought he knew what she wanted. She had even asked to just be friends after this. He didn’t want to overstep and tell her the real reason why he wants to give all this up. It was because of Lola, he wants her by his side. He liked the way she made him feel and he loved the person he brought out in her. He loved protecting her from people who don’t deserve her.

-

Lola was beginning to think her plan was going to end horribly. Especially after what he had said. She felt like things were maybe going somewhere with him. She has had more fun the whole week than she’s had her whole life. And she knows it’s because she’s had him by her side.

She looked over herself in the mirror. She felt hot, she felt like she could go through with her plan to seduce Rafe. Yet it wasn’t enough because that voice was still in her head telling her that he doesn’t like want her more than a friend. Or even possibly more than a client. Her outfit consisted of a black mini skirt and olive green long sleeve that had a small pink bow in the middle of the square neckline. She also wore black boots that made her legs look longer, her makeup and hair were done. She felt amazing on the outside but on the inside her insecurities were starting to take over her thoughts.

Rafe had been in the shower while she changed into her outfit. They hadn’t spoken much since he came back to the room. Things seemed a bit tense, a sort of unspoken tension between them.

Lola was switching purses to one that would better match her outfit when Rafe opened the door to the bathroom. He stepped out in nothing but a light blue towel around his waist. His chest and stomach still slightly damp from the hot shower. He had been looking down at his phone. Lola looked up at him from where she stood and gulped at his appearance. He was not making this easy.

“What should I wear? I’m guessing polos and khakis is the bar dress code,” He smirked putting his phone down and going to his side of the closet to look through the shirts he brought. He glanced back at her and stopped skimming through his shirts. He wished she didn’t look so incredible, how was he supposed to spend the night away from her when she looked like that.

He looked her over his eyes moving slowly taking in every detail, “You look unreal,” he said once he met her eyes.

Lola gave him a shy smile as a blush creeped up her neck, “Thank you, and uh you should just wear a button up and some black pants. Casual but nice.”

He just nodded his head only half paying attention. Rafe couldn’t concentrate when she was standing across the room looking like his future wife. He snapped out of his thoughts at the word wife. She was really doing something to him if he was thinking about marriage. He looked through his shirts and decided on a green jacket and black carhartt pants. Grabbing his clothes he went back into the bathroom to change.

Lola felt like she could breathe again. Having to watch the muscles in his back flex as he grabbed his shirt was too much. Especially since his skin was sun kissed from the day before she just wanted to run her hands all over him. He walked out of the bathroom and she clenched her fists. He smiled at her and she smiled back.

“You look handsome,” Lola said as she started to think about all the women that would get to see Rafe tonight. Jealousy took over her as she thought about how she couldn’t be by his side all night to show people that he was with her.

“Thank you sweetheart.” She was going to kill him.

“Alright lets go,” She sighed and began walking out the door.

“I’m not going go drink tonight so I can drop you off and even pick you up,” Rafe said following behind her.

“Okay, you decided on not drinking?”

“Yeah I just don’t really feel like being drunk with a bunch of people I don’t know. I also want to make sure you’re safe,” He shrugged and opened the front door for her.

Lola turned to him before walking out the door. Standing almost toe to toe, he was much taller than her. She was feeling intimidated but she tried her best not to show it. But like always he could read her so easily. He could see the her fingers twitch and her breathing pick up a little more.

“You’re kind of frustrating Mr. Cameron,” She said with a sigh, her eyes squinting teasingly at him.

“What am I doing?” He asked pretending to be clueless.

She ignored him not wanting to answer him, “Come on we can’t be late.”

The drive there was comfortable quiet. The tense atmosphere from earlier now gone. Rafe pulled into a parking lot on the main street and parking. He had been struggling since he first saw Lola. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

There were a lot of people on the main street going to the different shops, restaurants, and bars. It was a popular area in the summer. Rafe walked around her to walk on the side closest to the street, and hgrabbed her hand so he wouldn’t lose her in the throngs of people.

“Where are we going?” He asked her following her lead.

“The girls are going to Porter’s and the guys are going to Birdie’s. Porter’s is right there,” She pointed at a bar a few shops down, “And then Birdies is across the street.” She pointed at another bar on the other side of the street.

“Ah so we’re close to each other,” Rafe smirked liking the idea that she’d be close by in case she needed anything.

“Mhmm I think all the girls are there already.”

“If you want to leave early for any reason call me okay? I’ll be right over,” He gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

“Okay Rafe,” She smiled. Once they got to the front of the bar the bridesmaids immediately spotted them since they were all sitting on the patio out front.

“My favorite couple!” Penny shouted as she saw the pair walk up.

“Took you guys long enough. I wonder what you guys were doing that made you laaaate,” Tabitha said teasingly.

“Tabi!” Lola exclaimed.

Penny turned to Rafe, “Hurry and let your girl go so we can get drunk!”

“Alright alright,” Rafe said and turned Lola to face him. He cupped her cheek, “call if you need anything. Have fun and be safe.”

“Always,” She said breathlessly because his eyes kept going down to her lips. She knew what was coming and she couldn’t be more excited.

Rafe leaned down and pressed a kiss against her lips, he didn’t want to do too much since they were in public but he wanted to show everyone that this was his girl. He pulled away only to go in one more time, she smiled against his lips.

“Rafe,” She laughed pushing him away playfully.

“Sorry babe couldn’t help myself,” He shrugged with a lopsided smile that made her want to kiss him a million more times.

“I’ll see you later,” She squeezed his hand before pulling away to walk onto the patio.

“Bye,” He waved at her and all the other girls who had been watching them.

“Byyye,” They all said in synch with laughs

Tabitha turned to Lola as she sat down next to her, “Girl that man is obsessed with you.”

“I really hope so,” She laughed. The girls not knowing the way she really meant it.

“Okay ladies lets drink!” Penny said clapping her hands, “Tonight in honor of me we’re having tequila!”

“This is going to be the best night!” Olivia laughed excitedly.

-

Rafe arrived to the bar the guys were at, he walked inside and spotted the group around a table in the back. He walked over and Harry immediately spotted him.

“Rafe! Dude you made it,” Harry said getting up to greet him.

“Of course, just had to drop off Lola.” Rafe walked over to the empty seat between Mateo and Josh. Thomas say directly in front of him.

“Hey what’s up man,” Josh greeted followed by the rest of them Thomas only nodding at Rafe to not some completely rude. Rafe found it amusing how much he pissed Thomas off. He liked it.

“I’m gonna go get another round. What are you drinking Rafe?” Josh asked him.

“uh just water, I’m driving tonight.”

“Shoulda ubered man.”

-

It was nearly midnight now and Rafe wanted to leave. He had bern having a good time for a while but now all the guys were pretty drunk and he just wanted to be with Lola. He hadn’t heard from her all night which he took as a good sign. The guys were playing pool now, some of the single grooms men were flirting with some women at the bar.

“You ever miss that?” Harry asked him as he lined up his stick with the white ball.

“What? Flirting?”

He nodded his head, “Yeah like picking up girls at bars.”

Rafe shook his head, “Not at all. I like Lola a lot.”

“I feel the same about Penny. Guess it’d be bad if I didn’t since we’re getting married,” He laughed patting Rafe on the back.

“You guys are sooo whipped,” Thomas laughed.

“And what about it?” Harry slurred.

Thomas shrugged his hooded eyes meeting Rafes, “The same boring girl forever? The same average pussy forever? noooo thanks.”

“I’m convinced you’ve never actually talked to a woman. I think you just like women who don’t like you,” Rafe shook his head with a smirk.

“Hey all girls love me. Look at me,” He stood straighter and smirked. Rafe wanted to hysterically laugh but he held it in. He started to feel a vibrating in his pocket. He pulled his phone out and saw Lola’s name across the screen.

“Saved by the bell,” He said before walking away to a quieter area, “Hello?”

“Rafeyyyy,” Lola sang on the other end of the line.

He shook his head with a fond smile on his lips, “This is him. What’s up sweetheart?”

“I’m ready to go Rafey. I wanna see you,” She said breathlessly.

For the last few hours the girls had moved to inside the bar where they drank too many shots of tequila and danced. Penny even did karaoke at some point. Lola was actually enjoying herself and she might have enjoyed it too much. She was definitely drunk by now which meant her plan to seduce Rafe sounds like a very good plan.

“God he’s just so hot,” Lola said her chin resting in her palms as she leaned on the bar. She was currently talking to the bartender and Tabitha.

“He is incredibly hot,” Tabitha agreed, “You should see him, he’s like one of those stone statues of the guys with the abs.”

Lola laughed loudly, “he does look like that. Beautiful. You know he’s a really good kisser.” Her brain started to get even fuzzier as she thought of the kisses from earlier.

“Call him girl, get your man.” Tabitha encouraged as shebsaw the look in her cousin’s eyes.

“I will,” That’s when she had decided to call him and let him take her home.

“You’re drunk huh?” He asked with a teasing tone.

She faked a gasp, “I would want to see you even if I weren’t drunk thank you very much. Especially when wow,” She sighed dreamily, “Especially when you look the way you do tonight.”

Rafe had quickly and quietly bid goodbye to the guys as he all but sprinted out of there to get Lola. He knew she was drunk and he didn’t want her to go outside by herself.

“I’m coming sweetheart, did you have fun?”

“Very much of it,” She smiled to herself.

“I’m outside now,” He as as he was getting closer.

She squealed, “Coming!” She hung up the phone and ran outside before Rafe could even made it to the walkway up to the bar doors.

She ran towards him and wrapped her arms around his neck hugging him tightly, “Missed you.” Lola nuzzled her head into his neck breathing in the smell of his cologne.

“I missed you,” He had hugged her back and was stroking her hair with one of his hands, “Let’s get you home babe.”

“Kiss?” She asked looking up at him with those doe eyes. How could he say no? He was eager to do anything for her, to please her. He was there to fulfill all her needs how could he ever deny her?

“anything for you,” He mumbled leaning down and kissing her. He wanted it to be a soft kiss but when her fingers went into his hair and tugged him closer he couldn’t hold back. She kissed him hard and he was of course going to reciprocate. Their lips moved together in perfect synch yet a little messily. She wanted him and it wasn’t just because she was drunk.

Rafe was reminded of what she had been doing earlier when he started tasting the tequila on her tongue. He pulled away and kissed one more time softly, “Let’s go home.”

She nodded her head in a dizzy trance. He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close to him. Lola wrapped her arms around his waist and happily hummed. She was practically leaning her whole body weight on him and it wasn’t even phasing him.

“So how many shots did you take huh?”

“Ohhhh just a few. And a couple tequila sodas.” She laughed.

They reached his car and he helped get her in, making sure she didn’t hit her head. He buckled her in, she just watched him with a dopey smile. Rafe jogged over to his side.

The ride was once again filled with comfortable silence. Mostly because Lola had fallen asleep. Rafe heard her light snores and smiled to himself. Once they got back to the house Rafe rushed over to get her. He ended up having to find her house key and then carry her inside.

He was glad he didn’t drink tonight because he gets to spend the night taking care of Lola. Once he’s walking through their bedroom door the girl in his arms starts stirring awake. He laid her down on the bed as she opened her eyes. Squinting as her eyes adjusted to the light.

“Rafe you brought me up,” She mumbled and sat up on the bed. The sleep had sobered her up a bit. Enough to remember to take her makeup off and brush her teeth.

“Of course I did. You need anything?” He sat next to her rubbing her back.

“I’m gonna wash my face,” She mumbled rubbing her eyes, “Can you get me water and ibuprofen please. It’s in the cupboard on the left of the fridge.”

“I’ll be back,” He leaned over and pressed a kiss to her head. He went downstairs to get whatever she needed. Rafe also took it upon himself to make her a grilled cheese and bacon knowing she hadn’t eaten since earlier in the day. The greasy food will help her feel better in the morning.

Lola washed her face and brushed her teeth. Feeling more sober and clean. She hadn’t drank that much in a while and now that she was older it hit her harder and worse. She went to her dresser to look for pajamas. Her eyes lit up when they came across the small floral tank top and matching boy short underwear. They were long enough to be considered very short sleep shorts. The part of her brain that was still a little drink was screaming at her to pick that set.

Her plan from earlier coming back to her. She didn’t think twice and grabbed them going to change. Lola looked like she was barely wearing any clothes, just what she wanted. If Rafe felt something for her then he would make a move on her or not reject her if she tried first. And she was almost positive that he did feel something for her. She fixed her hair a bit and put on some more lotion and deodorant.

“I brought you food too,” Rafe said as he entered the room. When she heard him shut the door she stepped out of the bathroom.

He looked up at her and froze. There she was standing in front of him in practically nothing. His hands were itching to touch her. The curves of her body and her pretty bare face were doing too much to him.

He cleared his throat and looked away going back to pulling the covers back, “I uh made you a grilled cheese and some bacon.” He motioned to the food on her nightstand. She smiled at him and mumbled a thanks. Lola walked over to her side and sat on the bed.

As she ate Rafe put on a movie for her before he went into the bathroom to get ready for bed. While he was gone Lola was giving herself a pep talk. She could do this, she’s almost 100% sure that he won’t reject her. At least that’s what she kept telling herself. She quickly finished her food before he came out and got herself ready adjusting her pajamas and her fixing her hair.

He stepped out of the bathroom in nothing but sweatpants. Lola took a deep breath as he sat down next to her.

“You feel better?” He asked looking over at her.

“Yeah I am, thanks for the food.” She turned to lay on her side, holding up her head on her hand.

He mimicked her position, “You’re welcome, how did your night go?”

“Hmmm it was good. The girls are crazy. I miss you though wish I had you by my side,” She said trying to give him her best puppy dog eyes.

Rafe swallowed hard, “Yeah? I missed you. What’s tomorrow’s plan?”

She shuffled closer to him, “Tomorrow we have family brunch and then rehearsal dinner. Then it’s the big day.”

He reached forward and brushed a strand of hair out of her face, “Easy last couple days then.”

She sighed deeply, “mhmm can I ask you a question?”

“Always.”

“So do you make all your clients feel like this?”

He tilted his head questioningly, “Like how?”

She shrugged looking at the white sheets under her, “Like they’re the only girl in the world.”

Rafe’s heart had started to pick up speed the closer she got. He didn’t know what game she was playing but it was a very dangerous one. He looked at the tv afraid that if he looked at her any longer he would do something he would regret.

“I think I like only making you feel that way,” He mumbled as he continued watching the movie.

“Rafe?” Lola asked in whisper.

“Yeah?” He finally turned to her and she was a lot closer than before.

Instead of answering him she cupped his face and leaned in kissing him softly. Slightly hesitant in case he didn’t want this, but then he cupped her face and pulled her in harder. She sighed satisfied with his response. Rafe felt like his lungs were going to explode, she was so suffocating in the best way. He grabbed her thigh and pulled it so that she was now on top of him. The very minimal clothes they had on made them be even closer.

Lola tugged on his hair as she arched her back slightly to get closer to him. Rafe ran his hands all over her, touching wherever her could. This was much better than he imagined. Yes they’d kissed a few times but it was never just them and it wasn’t like this.

When Rafe’s lips moved down to her neck he came to a realization. She had been drinking earlier and he’s pretty sure she’s at least tipsy still. He pulled away gently resting his forehead against hers.

He cleared his throat and quietly spoke up, “Sweetheart I can’t.”

Lola pulled away a little. Confusion taking over her features, “I-I thought you..” Her face flushed in humiliation. Had he read his body language wrong? Had she interrupted his words wrong?

“No no Lola I want to, but you’ve been drinking and I think you should be sober. I don’t sleep with drunk women,” Rafe tried to reassure but his last sentence made her nauseous.

She sat back farther, “But it’s me Rafe. It’s not some random client that paid for you.”

Rafe laughed softly not really reading the tension in the room. He thought she was just messing around, “Babe you paid for me.”

Lola rolled her eyes and got off of him, “Yeah you’re right, I’m really tired.”

“Lola,” Rafe said knowing something was wrong.

“Rafe I’m tired can we just not,” She mumbled as she tucked herself under the covers. Her back towards him so he couldn’t see her biting her quivering lip. Had Rafe just been doing all of this and acting this way because it was his job? She couldn’t blame him but Lola swore she saw something between them for just a split second.

Rafe watched her for a few seconds before turning off the lights and laying back. He had fucked it up somehow and he was going to do everything possible to make it up to her.

He had to fix it.

-

tags: @rosal1nd , @magicwithaknife , @f4ll-for-you, @hotch-meeeeeuppppp, @loveu-always , @weareatthebadlands

(if you would like to be tagged or removed let me know!)

(also if you already asked me & I missed you I am so sorry pls send another message)

[pascaloverx]

To Begin Again

ELEVEN

Summary: You're a new teacher at a large and influential school. It's a risky step for you, as you've been running from your ex for almost two years. But when Dumbledore asks you to take on a class at the renowned Hogwarts, you can't refuse. However, your life as a newly arrived teacher won't be easy. Especially when the other teachers don't seem eager to make friends. Or rather, two teachers in particular: Sirius Black and Remus Lupin.

Author's Note: Welcome, dear readers. Please leave your comments if you enjoy fanfiction. This fanfic takes place almost in the real world (with the addition of werewolves) and is not a wizarding fanfic. There will be some differences and changes in things from the Harry Potter story or other fanfics in the HP universe, but I promise to do my best writing this fanfic. There will be a love triangle coming in this fanfic. So, dear readers, just as in this fanfic it's meant to imagine Remus Lupin as being Andrew Garfield and Sirius Black as being Ben Barnes, now I present to you the fancast of Severus Snape as being actor Enzo Vogrincic. Imagine him as Snape if you can.

TEN TWELVE

Draco is a bit nervous when he enters your room, as if he wants to say something but doesn't have the courage. You gesture towards a chair near the bed. Your room is very large and spacious, with two chairs near the bed. You sit down next to Draco.

"Do you want to tell me something?" you ask Draco, who still seems to be thinking about what he wants to say; he nods affirmatively.

"I want to be better, but I don't know how. I thought you might be able to help me," Malfoy says, catching you by surprise. You have no idea what to say, contemplating the fact that he thinks you have a good enough relationship for him to ask you for advice.

"I'm honored that you think I can help you. But tell me, what made you think you need to change?" you ask him gently. You want to help your student, but the truth is, you don't feel qualified to tell anyone how to be better.

"I think the consecutive punishments and hitting someone who didn't deserve it. To be honest, Potter got hurt trying to stop his best friend from hitting me. Granger has a bruised face, and I can't stop feeling guilty," Draco says shyly, seeming embarrassed to admit he's feeling guilty.

"Your sense of guilt is essentially correct. But the blame isn't entirely yours; after all, you weren't the only one punished. You're old enough, so I'll be honest. If you don't start apologizing for your rude or disrespectful actions, you'll end up becoming someone impossible to live with. And apologizing is useless if you don't commit to not repeating the mistake. That said, I'm proud of you for coming here. Admitting to yourself that you're wrong is a noble act. But if you don't change your lovely habit of getting into trouble, you'll end up lonely and resentful." You decide to give Draco some tough love, hoping that he'll listen and make progress.

"Do you think I can get better?" Draco processes what you said and speaks softly, not looking at you.

"The answer lies within you. If starting tomorrow, you commit to staying out of trouble and make an effort to apologize to those you believe deserve your apology," you say, hoping he understands your guidance. Maybe he can become a better person in his own way.

"You were unexpectedly helpful, professor. I'll ask my father to get you a new outfit as a way of thanking you. Your wardrobe could use some… repair. No offense," Draco says, smiling a bit too mischievously for someone who wants to be a good boy.

"Insulting my wardrobe is not your best move as someone trying to be better, Mr. Malfoy. Now go to your room and get some sleep, because I need to rest. Tomorrow will be a long day for both of us." You say, opening the door and waiting for him to leave. He does so, looking as confident as ever.

You close the door once Draco leaves. When your body falls under the bed, you feel an avalanche take over you. It's like you're reliving the night you became a werewolf. The feeling of Remus's sharp teeth tearing through his skin. The heat that took over your body as soon as you felt your body change The rhythm your heart beat when you woke up hours later, naked and with no idea what will happen to you. All this can't get out of your head, you toss and turn in bed trying to fall asleep. Nothing seems to work, until you get up to go get some air. There is no one in the corridor, you confess that you thought about knocking on Sirius' door but thought it would be very rude to interrupt him. You then decide to go to the infirmary to see if there is any medicine that will help you fall asleep. But getting closer to the infirmary you notice that there are two people talking. You sneak up on the two people, realizing they are Lupin and Black. Remus is sitting on the hospital bed while Sirius is crouched in front of him, the two of them staring at each other. From a distance, it looks like Lupin is a god and Sirius is worshiping him.

"You look like crap, Moony. And to think you assured me you were invincible," Sirius says to Remus, smiling. He seems to be trying to cheer Lupin up.

"I'm alive, you idiot. For your information, that makes me invincible enough. How's Y/N? I don't remember how things happened, but lately, she's always around," Remus comments, and you feel a bit offended. It's not like you want to always be around them when things go wrong. It's just that you're a damned unlucky person.

"So, you're not going to like this, but she now has something in common with you. Looks like you'll have a full moon companion. She seemed fine the last time I saw her. I mean, as fine as you can be when you transform into a werewolf for the first time," Sirius responds, holding Lupin's hands tightly. You almost lose your breath as your mind forces you to relive your first transformation.

"She must hate me. I can't believe I…" Remus seems disturbed by the idea of having turned you. His hands slip from Sirius's and he starts frantically running his hands over his face and head. You can't see clearly, but it almost looks like he's hurting himself. You even have the impression that he's crying. Then Sirius grabs his hands. Without saying a word, Black kisses Lupin. The kiss starts gently, with little reaction from Remus, who seems to be calming down. But over time, Remus responds better to Sirius's kiss. Sirius caresses Lupin's face while Lupin holds Sirius' hands with lightness.

"No one would dare or be able to hate you, my love. " Those are the words you hear Sirius say to Remus between their kiss. Sirius sits on the edge of the bed to kiss Remus better and you feel wrong for watching them. Then you walk silently but in a hurry to your room.

Unfortunately, with so much on your mind, you couldn't sleep for a second. You don't know how you're able to stand, maybe it's a new werewolf ability of yours. But luckily, your lack of sleep paid off. You were the first to get up to clean the Hogwarts ballroom. As soon as the sun rose, you made the mop your best friend.

"You know we should be doing this together, right?" you hear Sirius say as he enters the ballroom. Your gaze remains fixed on the cleaning, avoiding distractions. The truth is, you're feeling bad. Hours before Sirius had his romantic moment with his love, he was almost hooking up with you. What you thought was casual ended up not being so casual for you.

"Fortunately, this place is huge and there's plenty more to do. The dining area has trash to take out, someone broke a lightbulb near the exit of the hall, and I left the entire bathroom for you. Not to mention, Draco, Harry, and Ron should be able to help with the rest," you say, continuing to clean the floor. In truth, most of the work had been done by you, but it's not your fault. Your mind and body don't seem to want to rest, and every time you close your eyes, it's as if everything happens all over again.

"What did I do this time?" Sirius says, coming towards you. You finally look him in the eye. His hair is slightly damp, and he's wearing a gray sweatshirt that's a bit too big for him.

"I don't know what you're talking about," you reply, looking at him with feigned ignorance. He steps closer to you, and you immediately back away. He narrows his eyes as if he's just realized that something is wrong.

"How about being honest now? What did I do that made you like this?" Sirius asks quietly, but with a hint of impatience. You're at a loss because you know that if you tell him the truth, you'll come off as a nosy, rude person.

"Last night, she felt immense pain. It had to do with her transformation. Before that pain and torment, there was a moment of heated passion; I imagine with you, Sirius. And at the end of the night, amidst the torment and exhaustion, she felt a lot of guilt. At the same time, she felt like something didn't belong to her. Or rather, someone. Or someones." Remus says, entering the hall with the upper part of his body covered in bandages. His hair is also wet. You don't need to be a seer to know you're the odd one out here. But the fact that he knows what you felt is crazy.

"How the hell do you know that?" you and Sirius say at the same time, looking at each other, but in the next moment, you avert your gaze.

"I can't explain it exactly. Maybe a bonus for being your creator. Something I will regret for the rest of my existence. I would never dream of hurting you. You need to know that." Remus says, approaching you, extending his hand to offer some comfort with a touch on your arm, but you push him away. Looking into his eyes, you feel a shiver down your spine. You look at Lupin with a certain fear, once again overwhelmed by the sensation of dying in that forest.

"There's a lot going on here. All of this is already confusing enough as it is. So you both listen carefully. I need some time, without being in the middle of your relationship, without being a werewolf, and especially without someone knowing how I feel. I hate being so radical, but I'd like some distance from both of you. I'm going to ask McGonagall to change rooms and I'll try my best to avoid you. I suggest you do the same." You speak amid your mental confusion, lack of sleep, and all the drama surrounding your life at the moment, driving you crazy. As soon as you finish speaking, you feel a tightness in your chest, as if someone had just hurt you emotionally. Damn, this thing of feeling what the other feels is a mutual situation.

"You don't have to do this. We can figure this out together," Sirius says, gently holding your arm. You take his hand and push it away from you.

"You didn't understand me. It's settled. You both go on with your lives as if I'm not here, and I'll go on with mine. If we had done this before, maybe things wouldn't be so messed up." You say, looking at him and then at Lupin. Both of them look upset, and deep down, so are you. But it's for the best. You then leave the ballroom and head to your room.

[stabbyfoxandrew]

Dang it’s hard to pick what to ask for each week bc I love all of your wips so much but I think I asked for angel neil last week so could I get some arsonist neil this time? (also, happy tsc release week! Hope you have a great weekend<3)

WIP Wednesday (4/10) | Arsonist Neil / Firefighter Andrew AU (Part 141)

Andrew The movie was terrible, just so you know. I hated every second of it. My brother enjoyed it, but he’s stupid. Did you know a large soda costs like $50 now? I’m joking, obviously. But the prices are ridiculous, so I suppose I won’t be doing that again for a while.

Once he’s done updating his ghost, Andrew shoves his phone into the couch cushion so he won’t be tempted to stare at it all night. Then he puts on that show Nicky had told him about, to give it a second chance to capture his attention. And it works. He’s able to watch several episodes without even thinking about checking his phone.

Until he feels his ass vibrate.

Andrew looks down at the cushion for a moment, then back to the TV. He’s not going to answer in milliseconds. Not when 10 has taken his sweet fucking time. After finishing the episode he’s on, Andrew slides his phone out like he doesn’t care what’s on it. And that bites him in the ass because it isn’t even 10. 

Fucking hell. The anticipation almost killed him and it’s just Nicky?Andrew might just eat his phone.

Nicky Aaron told me you guys had a movie date last night! :) Are you actually friends now or was it a hostage situation?

Andrew rolls his eyes.

Andrew We aren’t friends. We’re brothers. Nicky It’s about time you acted like it. :P I sort of always thought that you two wouldn’t ever get close, until after my funeral. Can you imagine? The two of you being like 80 and my death makes you realize how important family is. And then you live together until you die minutes apart.

Andrew is a bit worried about Nicky’s mental state. But that's always been true.

Andrew That sounds like a shitty rom-com Nicky. And what makes you think I would come to your funeral? You know I hate planes. Nicky Sorry. I watched The Notebook with Erik and his sister last night. Also, rude. You better come to my funeral. 

Andrew rolls his eyes. 

Andrew I might. Nicky I’ll haunt your tiny ass if you don’t. Andrew Noted. I started watching that German drama you told me about. Nicky Oh yay! Do you love it?! Wait a sec.

Nicky is calling you.

“Oh fuck,” Andrew sighs out. But he answers.

[the-chosen-fanfiction]

John the Apostle | Thunder Blues | Platonic

Dialogue prompt: “Are you serious right now?"

Requested: Yes

When the younger Son of Thunder is upset that he has to stay behind in Capernaum to wait for Simon, you comfort him, reassuring that Jesus knows best.

The Apostles have gathered at Jesus’ behest. Sitting next to John, you watch both Andrew and Philip as they reveal that their ministry has brought more harm than good in the Decapolis. 

Jesus, across from the two, nods in understanding as they conclude their rather distressing story.

“Aha… And… What was your strategy to clarify it?”

Philip takes a sharp breath. “Well, we uh… We told, uhm…” 

“We-We-We tried to… Uh, to tell one of Your parables.” Andrew stutters. It is clear that both of them feel embarrassed. 

“Parables! Good!” Jesus praises, “That’s what I would have done.”

“Which parable?”

Philip clears his throat. “The… The Banquet.”

“You know, the one where guests give excuses not to come and so, everyone else gets invited.”

Next to you, John huffs in disbelief. “You chose the Banquet?” You put a hand on his arm, trying to push him back into his seat, trying to not escalate the situation. You know that the two feel humiliated enough as is by coming clean about their troubled mission.

“People get upset by that one.” Nathanael adds.

“Of course they do.” Jesus hums, but there is no hint of accusation in His voice. 

Andrew lets out an anxious noise: “Well, if it makes you feel any better, we first considered the Wheat and the Tares but… We thought better of it.”

“I already told you,” Jesus patiently explains, “Some people wouldn’t understand that parable.”

“I’m not even sure I understand the Wheat and the Tares.” Thomas adds. You give him an understanding look.

Jesus lets out a soft chuckle and winks. “Give it time.”

Philip sighs. “The problem is that they did understand the parable and it caused fights in the street–”

“Rioting.” Andrew emphasises. “Between Jews and Gentiles.”

Jesus lets out a soft hum as Philip carries on. “Leander has told us it’s getting worse every day. The prominent Hellenistic priest has changed his ways, which is good, but… When he abdicated his duties as priest and leader, others tried to fill the void, and so projects are going undone and people are just angry, and blaming each other for everything.”

Next to you, John has a concerned look over his features. You put a hand on his arm and gently squeeze, at which he smiles a bit wistfully at you. 

“It led to stealing,” Andrew says, “Fights in the streets… Many people are actually leaving their homes to escape the violence.” The final part of his sentence is a whisper. You can sense the shame he feels. 

Big James stands with his arms crossed. “That’s the violence You suggest sending us into?” 

Brief silence fills the room as all eyes turn to Jesus. “What part of the parable caused this fight to break out?”

“The people outside the city.” Philip answers. “The ones on the highways and the hedges, the last to be invited and the last to accept the invitation.”

Jesus draws a sharp breath. “That’s what I suspected.”

John leans forward. “Speaking of which - the highways and the hedges - does that actually refer to Gentiles?” 

A deep sigh leaves the Messiah. “He who has ears to hear, let him hear. We leave in the morning. Everyone go home and gather your things. We take to the highways and hedges before dawn.” 

The Disciples go to stand, and next to you, John still looks worried. As Jesus speaks to comfort Philip and Andrew, you whisper in John’s direction. 

“Hey, you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m just… Thinking.” he mutters. “How this might affect our ministry. What it might mean for us. If we must fight, then so be it. We’ve got strong men on our side who would be strong and capable in battle. I’m certain we’ll be able to snuff out this riot before it escalates even further.” 

Before you can reply that you don’t feel like the Messiah is aiming at such an approach, Jesus gets up from His seat, grabbing a few empty cups. “John, may I have a word?”

John picks up his head and looks up at his Teacher. “Yes, Rabbi.” He gives you a small smile as he gets up, and you nod at him. 

“Good luck, okay? I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“Of course. Shalom, (Y/n), have a good night.”

“Sleep well, John. Shalom shalom.”

As you watch him head after Jesus, Who is currently rinsing out the cups, you let out a sigh. Being John’s childhood friend, you know better than anyone of his oftentimes brash nature out of sheer passion and dedication. 

The soft look in Jesus’ eyes, however, ensures you that He will take care of things. You smile at Him and stand to leave the house and find your own instead, giving Him a nod in greeting.

He mirrors it and turns to John, giving the former fisherman a special task.

_

The next morning, you’re sitting at Matthew’s old place, spending some time with Mary and Tamar as they work on their small business.

“Perhaps you should stay behind with us.” Tamar muses, “Help us out here.”

You shift and shake your head, smiling. “And miss out on all the tension? Hm, I’ve got a feeling that this is going to be a pivotal moment. The last thing I want is to be left out.”

As other followers of Jesus come trickling in, you check your belongings one final time - an extra tunic, a full waterskin, and another pair of sandals. On the bottom of your bag sits a stale piece of bread, so you toss it out. 

“Jesus is here,” Nathanael loudly announces, “Time to go!” 

Everyone moves to the door, momentarily gathering outside the building, where Jesus is patiently waiting for everyone. You follow the group as one of the final people to leave, putting the strap of your bag over your shoulder, getting ready to leave.

Before exiting the building, however, you halt on the threshold, turning to look inside the house one last time. Upon noticing John pouting as he is leaned against the wall, you frown slightly.

“Hey, John. What is going on? Come on, we have to go.”

He huffs and crosses his arms over his chest even tighter. “I’m fine, (Y/n). You wouldn’t get it.”

Planting a hand on your hip, you approach him. “What are you on about? By the way, where is your bag?”

John clicks his tongue, barely looking at you, muttering something under his breath that you cannot quite understand. 

“Sorry, I didn’t catch that.” 

He sighs. “Jesus wants me to stay here in Capernaum so I could wait for Simon.”

“He still hasn’t showed up, then?”

John lets out an exasperated sound. “No, he obviously hasn’t! Which is what frustrates me so much!”

“Why?”

“Because I want to come, too!” He looks at you with an expression that is nothing short of frustrated. “Everyone is getting to go out there with Jesus and witness perhaps a massive turning point in this ministry, and I get waiting duty! I want to go, too! I am also part of this group! He calls me beloved, so I must be important enough to see it too, right? I can’t stand it.”

You watch him for a long moment, slightly narrowing your eyes in thought. “Are you serious right now?" you question, although there is no reproach in your tone.

John grows restless under your scrutiny, exhaling sharply. 

“What, are you going to judge me for that?”

Pursing your lips, you hum. “John, son of Zebedee. This is not about you.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” he snaps. 

In spite of his anger, you remain calm. “I’ve known you forever, John. You’re always so keen on staying in the loop of things, which is a great trait to have. You are inquisitive, passionate, eager to learn. I admire that about you, my friend.”

His expression softens. “Huh, thank you for your kind words. But what does that have to do with anything?”

You step closer, putting a hand on his arm to comfort him. “Jesus loves you. He loves all of us. This entire ministry, however, does not revolve around us. About what we see, or about what we do, or about what He does for us. It is about what He does for them.” You nod at the door behind you, “For the world out there. For those who are weary, and wounded, and in need of healing.”

You pause, sighing.

“I know that it is difficult to possibly not be there when something pivotal happens, but it is not a given that we get to witness every single thing that will happen for the glory of Adonai. Besides, a lot has to happen behind the scenes. If Jesus did not need you to be here to wait for Simon, He wouldn’t have asked you to.”

“Jesus said that the success of this mission depends on Simon.”

You smile. “See, there you have it. Jesus can use you in many ways, even if you are not directly at His side.”

John lets out a sigh and lowers his gaze. Regretful about his outburst, he folds his hands in front of him. “I know.”

“Our plans do not always match up with His plans, but you trust Him regardless, hm?”

“I do. More than anything.”

Nodding, you pat his shoulder in a friendly manner. “Then we should not always rely on our own understanding of a situation. You might not be satisfied that you have to wait now, but in the long run, that feeling will make sense, and you will be glad that you indeed waited for Simon.”

The wry smile on John’s face makes place for a brighter one. He tilts his face back up, smiling.

“I hadn’t thought of it this way yet, (Y/n). Thank you for your perspective, that was very meaningful, and I can now see the value a bit better of Jesus asking me to stay behind.” He sighs, his smile slightly shrinking. “Although I am still a bit upset, how can I not be? You guys are going to get to the Decapolis! I wish I could be there right with you!”

“But Simon is necessary for the success of this trip, according to Jesus. Trust Him in this, too. Completely, okay?”

John sighs and nods. “Okay.” he says, exhaling. “Okay.”

You smile, stepping away from him. “Good.” you say, “I will see you soon, okay?”

He hums in acknowledgement and gives you a small wave, appearing way more positive now. “Thank you for your words. Safe travels, (Y/n). We will see each other before we know it.”

Nodding kindly, you agree to what he said and head after the others, finding them just outside the house. Big James puffs out his cheeks as he sees you and lets air escape slowly, knowing that you had to deal with a pouting John. However, you give him a small smile in turn. 

“Things will be alright with John,” you reassure his older brother, “He just needed another perspective on things to see that the task Jesus gave him is valuable in and of itself.”

“That is good to hear, (Y/n),” Big James states as you walk together into the outskirts of the village, following the group of Disciples. “Plus,” he adds, “It means we won’t have to deal with his nagging for a few hours at least.”

Chuckling, you shake your head, knowing that John feels useless regardless of the importance of his task, and bump a fist against James’ shoulder. 

“Tch, as if you nag less than he does. That you two haven’t physically chatted my ears off at this point is a miracle to say the least.”

James rolls his eyes, but cannot fight the grin that spreads over his face. 

“Fine, it means you won’t have to deal with half of the nagging.”

[this-isapen]

The Very Blood of You - Chapter 7

Word Count: 5,798

Warnings: angst I guess

read on ao3!

chapter under the cut as well :)

She wakes late, having eventually been taken by sleep at some point in the early morning hours. It takes her a few minutes to fully adjust to being awake, as she feels groggy, a leftover from the previous night’s revelations. Surely that had simply been the exhaustion talking... 

At least that’s what she attempts to convince herself of as she lays on her side, debating getting out of bed. You’re being ridiculous, there’s no way you can still be in love with someone who spent the better part of your relationship lying to you. But couldn’t she? She groans into her pillow just as a soft knock raps at the door and it squeaks open. 

“Celine?” 

She lets out a noncommittal groan as an indication she was awake. 

“Just checking, it’s late,” Andrew mumbles softly, beginning to retreat from the room, a silent acknowledgement that he would still keep his distance. 

Celine couldn’t purge the longing she felt when he departed, the room somehow feeling twice as empty now that it was back to just her. She shakes her head as if trying to erase the thought from her brain, but it only sticks itself harder to the forefront of her mind.  

Fearing she’d exhausted every other available option to clear her mind, she grabs her headphones. If she felt like running away from her own thoughts, she might as well try doing it literally. 

Her hand is on the doorknob when his voice catches her attention. Where had he even come from? It was like he had simply appeared. 

“Where are you going?” a hint of worry tints his question. 

“Running,” she answers simply, suddenly desperate to not spend a single extra second in that house. 

He nods in acknowledgement. “Just be careful,” he warns softly, yet another gesture reminiscent of a simpler time. Have fun, be safe, I love you – all phrases she had grown accustomed to any time she would be going out somewhere. Hearing them now made her stomach twist. 

She’s outside, sneakers hitting the pavement, in record time. She had never even been much of a runner, but now seemed as good a time as any to start. 

The air in her lungs is somehow both restrictive and feels like the easiest she’s breathed in a long time. Chest heaving, she pushes herself to power through despite the increased burning sensation in her legs. She figures if she runs hard enough, fast enough, far enough, her thoughts would struggle to catch up to her body.  

Eventually, though, she finds herself needing a break. She comes to a little clearing on the side of the road, trying desperately to catch her breath. The inner turmoil of her mind seems to have dissipated, but it still didn’t feel enough to soothe her fully. She didn’t want to be able to even think about that possibility and wonders if she needs a stronger distraction, though feels unsure of what might even work. Maybe she could only outrun her feelings for so long, but that wouldn’t stop her from pushing that limit. The pressure in her lungs just meant that maybe her run needed to be slowed to a walk for now. 

Having successfully calmed her heart rate, she slowly continues down the path in the direction she’d been moving in. It was nice, taking in her environment and focusing on the nature. But that didn’t stop her from wanting to get as far away from that house as possible. She didn’t want to turn back until she absolutely had to, not wanting to be forced into proximity with her own emotions again. Out here, it was easier to ignore them, focus on the world around her; but back there, he may have been keeping his distance from her, but his presence seemed to always loom in the background regardless. Just the knowledge that he was there, occupying the same space as her, was enough to make it feel like her chest would cave in on itself. 

For half a second, she considers sneaking back to her own home the next time he’s out, but knows he’d flip to find her gone without a word. Besides, if she brought the idea up to him, she’d either be shut down immediately or he’d invite himself to stay with her, and the thought of being cooped up with him in her tiny apartment was suffocating. And she’d be lying if she said the thought of being back on her own didn’t secretly terrify her a little, though she would never admit to that. Especially not to him. 

She dismisses the notion, hating that it had even crossed her mind. Clearly, walking wasn’t enough to battle her own thoughts, so she picks up her pace again. 

Clouds begin to darken the sky, and the gentle mist that follows is not enough to deter her until it becomes a downpour.  

Showing no signs of letting up any time soon, she reluctantly turns around and heads back the way she came. There was little, if any, illumination along her path, and the dampness of the ground certainly wasn’t helping her keep steady. As much as she wanted to deny it, fear had begun to gently take hold of her senses, slowly tightening its grip on her like fingers around her throat. Get it together, Celine. 

It dawns on her that she had been so hell bent on distracting herself that she had no true concept of how far she had come. Her route had been mostly a straight line from what she remembered, but she had paid so little attention to direction, acting only on the urge to keep running. When had she ended up in the middle of the forest? She couldn’t seem to say. She couldn’t have been out for that long, could she? The sudden darkness of the world made it hard to tell, not to mention the rain falling practically in sheets. 

She couldn’t place quite what it was that triggered her anxiety. It wasn’t like she’d never been caught outside in the rain or the dark before. And Andrew lives in a secluded area; there wasn’t a reason to feel unsafe – the likelihood of another person being around right now was slim, though that didn’t do much to assuage her fears. Secluded... perfect if someone wanted to make sure nobody could hear you scream, her mind torments her. She tries to force herself to keep moving, realizing she’d been standing completely still for the last several minutes. Or at least that’s her rough estimate, time didn’t seem to mean anything anymore. 

A crack of thunder in the distance startles her, and she nearly loses her balance, one foot briefly slipping out from under her.  

She makes out some foliage on her left side, unsure of whether it was close to Andrew’s house. Every last tree and bush seemed like a carbon copy of one another, like she was stuck in some kind of permanent hell loop of greenery. It felt as if the woods were closing in on her as she stood perfectly still in the middle of it. Logic seemed to fail in her desperate attempts not to panic. She considers swallowing her pride to call Andrew, but finds her phone battery nearly dead in addition to a lack of service. Of course her luck would have it that she hadn’t plugged it in last night so she was dealing with whatever percentage had remained from the day before. 

“Fuck!” she shouts to the emptiness surrounding her, surprised to hear her voice come out as more of a distressed whine. She was utterly fucked, trying to fend off hopelessness as she slowly forces herself to continue moving. It takes everything in her not to sink to the ground and hope for the earth to just consume her. 

One foot in front of the other, just keep moving. You can do this, she tries to convince herself. You just can barely see where you’re going and have no way of calling for help, no biggie! 

The sound of critters making sounds nearby shakes her, every rustle of leaves presenting the fear of another person. Or worse, a monster she had yet to face. She could usually push it down, even forget about it herself, but now she couldn’t seem to escape the overwhelming fear that she would be attacked again. It had been a dark night in the middle of nowhere last time, and even though there were still a few pieces missing, she could draw the parallels. 

Celine eventually gives up on trying to gauge her exact location, instead channeling the same energy from earlier to just keep moving. She wouldn’t feel so vulnerable if she wasn’t standing still. Telling herself she’s just being dramatic, she decides to just keep moving in a straight line, figuring it’s the most logical option as opposed to risking getting herself more lost.  

The tiniest semblance of clear thinking seems to prove her right when she’s able to make out the faintest line where a path led back out to the road through the water droplets clouding her vision. If she can just find a street sign, she could reorient herself and get back home. Well, his home. She didn’t have the capacity to process that slip up right now.  

She’s relieved to feel her feet hit solid ground again, a welcome change from the squishy mud she’d found herself in. Lightning strikes the ground a few feet ahead of her, causing her to gasp in fear. Her nerves felt absolutely destroyed, but she had a better sense of where she was now; it was just a matter of following the road back down to the house. She heaves a sigh of relief, padding back down the winding roadway.  

About a hundred feet from Andrew’s driveway, Celine stops dead in her tracks. She could have sworn she heard her name being called, but the voice sounded distant, unfamiliar, though beckoning. She shakes her head, thinking the exhaustion was starting to get to her. The voice only grows closer as she approaches the front gate, convincing her she must be losing her mind. It was decidedly feminine, but she wasn’t thinking clearly enough to place it, her thoughts consumed by getting inside. Maybe I’m just delirious, the coldness is getting to me, she thinks as she closes the gate behind her.  

She shrieks, swearing she felt a hand brush against her arm as she makes her way towards the front porch. Please no, she thinks, feeling almost too terrified to say it out loud. But in an instant, the sensation passes without anyone in sight to justify the feeling. 

Before she can even reach for the knob, the door swings open. 

“Celine? Baby, what’s wrong?” Andrew asks tenderly as he pulls her inside, locking the door behind them. “I was about to go out looking for you, I was getting worried,” he confesses, momentarily releasing her to find a spare towel. 

Wrapping her frame in the oversized fluffy fabric he finds in the closet, he pulls back from her, tucking her wet hair behind her ear and gently tilting her chin up to look at him. Her lips were quivering and her hands were unsteady. 

“Darlin’ what happened?” he attempts to get her to answer him again.  

She looks at him anxiously, shivering and unable to find the ability to speak, shaking her head in an attempt to dismiss his concern. 

“Your heart is fuckin’ pounding, I know something happened,” he murmurs, taking in the sight of her trembling in the entryway. 

“Andy,” she eventually cries out, reaching for him and burying her face in his chest. “Andy,” she repeats, allowing the familiar feeling of safety in his arms to envelope her.  

“I’m right here,” he hums. “You’re alright, I have you.” I’ll always have you, so long as you want me to. 

He rubs her back, stricken by guilt for not going to search for her earlier. His chin rests atop her head, quietly shushing her until the sobs eventually subside.  

Pulling back from her slightly, he cups her face in his hands, gently wiping away the tears under her eyes. “My love... what’s going on, hm?” he asks.  

It takes her a few moments to respond, desperately trying to piece her thoughts together into coherent words. After a couple of thoughtful seconds, she settles on, “I think she’s nearby,” the realization dawning on her as she stood facing him. She hopes her vagueness was clear enough that she wouldn’t have to waste more energy elaborating. She wasn’t sure she had it in her. 

“What are you talking about – what happened to you out there? I mean, you were gone for hours.” If she had hurt her again...  

“I don’t know,” she begins. “I was just running, not really paying attention to where I was going... and then the rain started and I panicked, I – I thought I was lost.” 

He looks at her, silently encouraging her to continue. 

“Eventually found my way back, but then...” she trails off. 

“Then what?” he questions softly, trying to keep the urgency and panic out of his tone. 

“Heard...” she shakes her head. “Heard my name, like someone calling me over to them. A woman’s voice... then when I was getting closer to the door I thought I felt a hand on me. That’s why I screamed, I’m sorry if I scared you.” 

Tracing her cheeks with his thumbs once more, he assures her it’s alright. “I’m just proud of you for telling me,” he whispers against her forehead, fighting the instinct to press his lips to that same spot. “Why don’t you go get warm and dry, and I’ll make you dinner?” 

Agreeing, she slowly pulls away from him, padding to the bathroom to strip herself of her soaked clothing and take a hot shower. 

****************** 

After scrubbing herself clean under the scalding hot water to warm her cold bones, she throws her hair into a towel and wanders to the kitchen to find Andrew, not particularly caring if her hair was frizzy later.  

She finds him standing in front of the stove, absentmindedly humming a tune she didn’t recognize to himself while whatever delicious-smelling meal he was cooking simmers on the burner. He glances up at her, having heard her come in, and shoots her a gentle smile.  

“Should be about ten more minutes,” he remarks, tearing his attention from the pan momentarily in search of a glass in the cabinet. He lifts it in her direction, a silent offer for a drink. 

She nods, and a few moments later has a glassful of wine in her hand while she leans back against the counter, watching Andrew as he cooks.  

The silence was not as unbearable as it should have been, given how little time they’d spent in the same room recently. It wasn’t quite comfortable per se, but it was nearing that achievement. She soaks in the moment, swirling the glass around mindlessly as she gazes hungrily at the meal awaiting her. Pushing herself up onto the countertop, she takes a long sip of the wine, letting it sit on her tongue for a moment before swallowing it down. It was one of her favorites, one they’d shared many bottles of in the past. Well, mostly by her. 

“Can you drink this?”  

The question catches Andrew off guard, taking a moment to register what she said as he turns off the burner. “Ehm... technically, yes. Why?” 

“Sorry,” she chuckles, “I know that came out of nowhere. I just was thinking about when we used to share a bottle, so... just curious.” 

“It doesn’t exactly do all that much for me, but it doesn’t hurt me or anything. Same with food,” he shrugs, pulling a piece of meat from the pan and popping it into his mouth as if to demonstrate his point.  

“So then if you can eat, why don’t you generally keep food around?” she asks while he goes about preparing her plate. It hadn't gone unnoticed that she was the only one using the groceries he bought. “Unless that’s weird to ask, sorry. I’m new to this, I’ve never really known a vampire before. Is that offensive?” 

“You’re fine,” he laughs. “I don’t know, just kinda seemed pointless after a while.” 

There was a hint of sorrow behind that statement underscored by the way his eyes flick away from her, but she decides it best not to push him on it and risk ruining their oddly content domestic scene.  

He sets her plate of stir fry down at the table, taking the seat next to her and contentedly watching her, resting his chin in his palm. She eats mostly silently, but he’s grateful just to be spending time with her without being at each other’s throats. Despite everything, he could tell she was trying, and it was enough to reignite the tiny spark of hope buried deep within him. He tries to keep his focus on her in the present moment, not wanting his mind to wander to the implications of what she had told him when she got back. He had spent enough time doing that while she was in the shower. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” he hums, noticing the look on her face that she got when she was particularly lost in thought or trying to work through a problem. 

“Did you say something about my heartbeat earlier?” she asks bluntly, confusion saturating her tone. 

“Ehm...” he replies, rubbing at his collarbone while he stalls, trying to gauge what she was feeling about that possibility. “Maybe...” he winces. 

She raises an eyebrow at him in a plea for elaboration. “And...?” 

“And what?” he mutters. “I said something about it.” His voice has become nearly monotone, a defense mechanism kicking in against his better judgment. 

“Andrew,” she groans frustratedly. 

“Celine.” He could be a stubborn asshole when he wanted to be. 

“Andrew!” 

He closes his eyes for a moment, knowing he’d be unable to avoid the conversation he was hoping to put off for a while.  

“I can kind of sort of hear your heartbeat,” he mutters in a single breath, ripping that band aid off as fast as possible, his leg anxiously bouncing under the table. 

He risks sparing a glance at her, only to find a nearly unreadable expression on her face.  

“You... can hear my heartbeat.” It’s not phrased as a question, merely a confused repetition of his statement. 

“Correct.” 

“What the fuck?” 

“I really don’t know what you want me to say, darlin’.” 

“I don’t know either,” she admits. “I just...” she trails off, gesturing aimlessly as if it would magically make the words she was looking for come to her, frustration written clearly across her face. 

“Supernatural hearing,” he shrugs, “not really much else to it.” 

She buries her face in her hands, forcing a deep breath into her lungs. Don’t freak out on him. This is exactly what you’re trying to work on, you always end up ruining things. 

“I can tell you’re nervous right now, the way it’s beating,” he explains himself a bit, instantly regretting it when she sees the look of horror in her expression. 

“What,” she repeats herself through gritted teeth, “the fuck?!” 

Figuring he might as well dig himself even deeper into the hole he had created for himself, he continues. “You know how I always knew when you were stressed, knew when to calm you down, even when you were really good at hiding it?” he grimaces. Why did he say anything? 

At that, something clicks into place for her. All the times she’d thought he was so sweet for noticing when something was wrong, all the times that he’d seemingly known her better than she knew herself... it was all because of this. She couldn’t shake the feeling that her privacy had been invaded without her knowledge. How could he do this to her? 

“All this time... all this time I thought you were just a really observant boyfriend, I -” 

“Baby. Breathe,” he cuts her off. The tension in her body was palpable, every beat and breath a struggle audible to him. 

“Don’t tell me what to do.” She sounds angry, betrayed. He couldn’t blame her. 

“I’m not trying to; I just don’t want you to have a fucking panic attack.” By some miracle, he manages to keep his voice steady. The last thing he needed right now was for his emotions to seep into it and make the conversation worse, inevitably setting their progress back even further. 

“Then how the fuck am I supposed to react to finding out my boyfriend was listening to my heartbeat without my knowledge for years?!” she snaps at him. “I - you invaded my privacy.” 

Do NOT focus on the fact that she dropped the “ex” in front of boyfriend, Andrew, he chides himself before working up the courage to respond.  

“Not on purpose – I’m not going to sit here and deny what you’re saying because I completely understand where you’re coming from, but it isn’t something I can just turn on and off.” 

“Can’t you choose to ignore it or something?”  

“Yes and no,” he begins to answer before cutting himself off, “Celine, honey. Please take a deep breath and let me explain.” 

She finds herself gasping as though she had forgotten how to breathe normally. Wordlessly, Andrew grabs her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze and instructing her to focus on him, silently thanking the universe for her not immediately pulling away and making things worse.  

When her shaky breathing seems to regulate again and she’s no longer throwing accusations his way, he allows himself to continue his explanation. 

“As I was saying, I have some control over it; it’s hard to explain. But basically, I can focus it in on certain things when I pick up on something, I just can’t turn off the ability itself.” 

“So why focus on me, especially like that?” 

“I don’t know that I have a concrete explanation for you, other than being in love with you.” 

“God you are so cheesy even now, even during whatever this conversation is,” she groans, a hint of playfulness behind the statement. That was as good a sign as any that she was doing alright. 

“I’m serious,” he maintains despite the smile tugging at his lips. “A legitimate part of it is that it kept me grounded, because it was you.” 

“And the rest of it...?” She brushes past his statement, scared of letting herself become too endeared to him again, even though he somehow made it so easy. The bastard. 

“I came to know you well enough to pick up on even the most subtle changes, and I liked knowing that I could help you.” He’s a bit sheepish, not yet readjusted to the feeling of laying his heart out for her, especially not in this context. His heart was something that she had always, would always, hold in her hands; whether she was aware of the power she held over it – over him – or not was an entirely separate question. 

“Well shit, I feel like a bit of an asshole now,” she lets out a dry chuckle. “Your intentions were pure, I guess.”  

“You have every right to be upset, love. I did sort of keep a huge part of my life from you for our entire relationship.” 

“Yeah, you did, but that’s the understatement of the century,” she agrees, looking away from him, choosing to cast her gaze down to the empty plate in front of her. When she eventually flicks her gaze back toward him, she catches an almost amused expression on his face. “What?” 

“Nothing, just that this conversation has me thinking... do you remember that time you were watching our set from the crowd at that festival, and when you found me backstage afterwards, I was saying how you had me worried since I didn’t know where you were? That was because I’d lost track of your heartbeat and my first instinct was to assume that something terrible had happened.” He smiles fondly at the memory, remembering the relief he had felt when he pulled her into a hug in his dressing room. 

“Oh my god, really?” she laughs. “That makes so much sense for you, but... how did you lose track of it? Or actually, better question, how were you able to hold onto it in a crowd of thousands?” 

“One, sometimes my senses get overwhelmed and kind of shut down. Two, like I said, I can hone in on a particular sound if I focus enough. Even when all logic dictates it should be drowned out.” What he doesn’t add is that when it came to her, it was so natural to just gravitate towards that sound; he so rarely had to think about it. For fuck’s sake, he had it memorized like the back of his hand. It might as well be engraved into his brain. 

“God, this is all still so insane to me,” she muses.  

“I know,” he sighs. “But yeah, long story short, I have incredible hearing and I like to use being able to detect your heartbeat to protect you.” 

She rolls her eyes in a way that isn’t rude, but rather a reflection of how much she was trying to wrap her head around. She couldn’t quite shake the icky feeling that had settled over her at the beginning of their conversation, but felt more at ease with the knowledge that his unorthodox method of doing things came from a well-meaning place.  

“Okay, since we’re on the topic anyway, what else are you capable of? I don’t want any more secrets about that, the last thing I need is to find out you can fly in several months when it’s convenient for you to mention.” 

“Wait, I didn’t tell you about that one?” he cocks his head at her, eyes widening in surprise. 

Her jaw opens halfway, unsure of how to respond. 

“Relax, I’m fucking with you,” he giggles at his own sense of humor. “That would be cool though, wouldn’t it?” 

“I hate you.” 

“Mm, no you don’t.” A grin spreads across his face at their banter, a silly argument that would have been commonplace for them mere months ago. And for the first time in the months that had passed since, he could almost believe those words coming from his mouth. He can’t help the pang of sadness at wondering if this is how things could have been if he hadn’t kept this hidden and had just sat her down and told her from the beginning. 

“Whatever,” she mumbles, refusing to confirm or deny that statement despite the blush creeping up her face betraying her. Their dynamic had somehow become more casual over the course of sitting at the table together, a fact that gave her a sharp pang in her chest. This is how they were meant to be. 

“But to answer your question for real, I pretty much mostly just have very heightened senses, and I can move fast. And I can...” he practically gulps, fearing her reaction to the final piece of information he had to offer her. He really did not want to reveal this capability, but it was better that he be upfront with her now. “I can compel people. You know, make them do or believe whatever I want.” 

Her breath hitches as his words register in her brain, brow furrowing. She had known this was a possibility, had essentially accused him of it, but hearing the words come directly from his mouth hit her like a blow to the chest.  

“I don’t really use it,” he explains before her questions or accusations could come pouring in. “I don’t like having that kind of control over people, it isn’t right.” 

“Mhm.”  

Mhm. He’d rather personally give her a wooden stake to drive through his heart. 

“I don’t know what I can do to make you believe me, so I think you just need to trust me on this one, darling.” 

“How?”  

“No idea, but the only way this will work is if you trust me.” 

A distant “yeah.” 

He could practically feel her slipping through his fingers, fumbling as he desperately tries to hold her in place. They’d been doing so well and now he was fucking everything up by being open, the very thing that could have saved them so much grief. You’ll have time to wallow in self-hatred later, you selfish prick. This isn’t about you.  

“I have never, and will never, use it on you, if that’s what you’re worried about.” 

She tilts her head back up to look at him, her eyes a bit glassy. “I can’t promise I’ll be perfect about it, but I think I believe you.” The words were difficult to vocalize, but she offers her precarious trust to him anyway. 

“Darlin’, I would never expect you to be perfect.” You’re perfect to me already, he adds mentally. “I know this is hard, and I know that you’re trying.”  

“Thank you,” she chokes out, her throat sounding dry. 

About an hour later, she’s sound asleep under her covers. Andrew takes this time to clean up, inevitably reflecting on the events of the day. 

All things considered, their conversation about his powers went surprisingly well. He had certainly been expecting more screaming and crying, so the lack thereof was a pleasant surprise. And Celine was taking everything as best she could, given the situation. He knew this was a lot for her to wrap her head around, especially with the added stress that someone might be waiting for the right moment to strike. There it was; he knew his thoughts would drift back to that portion of the day eventually, he’d just foolishly hoped that he could avoid it until at least tomorrow.  

If Celine was right about this... He couldn’t even bear to finish that line of thinking. She may not know everything – hell, neither did he – but he had no reason to believe she wasn’t right. Chances were, the voice she’d heard, the hand she’d felt, were absolutely real, or at least a very well fabricated hallucination, courtesy of the only person Andrew ever found himself wishing he could kill.  

But he still couldn’t seem to figure out what her game was. Scare Celine, sure, but why not hurt her again? Was it just because she knew he was close by and wanted to drag this out for as long as possible? Or was scaring her just the next step in some elaborate plan? Did she have some other tactic she was trying? The worst part was that he somehow didn’t pick up on her presence. He’d heard Celine scream, but he had no idea what had happened until she tried to explain. He felt so guilty for not being able to prevent it from happening; he was grateful she hadn’t been hurt, but what if he’d been a second too slow? Or did that malicious piece of shit know better than to try something on his territory? How had she even figured out where he lived? 

He doesn’t realize just how frustrated and angry his lack of answers made him until the glass he’d been scrubbing at breaks in his hands, a tiny slice on his finger healing itself just as quickly as it had appeared. Get a hold of yourself, Andrew.  

He turns the tap off, picking the shards out of the sink and disposing of them before finishing up the remaining dishes.  

Drying his hands on the nearby kitchen towel, he calms himself with the peaceful sounds of Celine sleeping upstairs. He knew he shouldn’t, especially after their tense conversation earlier, but he couldn’t help it. Knowing that she was safe and sound in the other room was his greatest solace. And he wouldn’t deny that the sense that he could do something to protect her made him feel good. Sue him, he was a simple man. 

He only allows himself to retreat to his room once he had triple checked that every door and window in the house was locked. It was pointless, given the paranormal nature of what they were dealing with, but somehow the action made him feel a bit more at ease; there were some traits left over from his days of humanity. Plus, it wasn’t like she would be able to get inside without permission; he’d purchased his home long after he had seen her for the last time. That fact alone eases his worried mind as he shuffles under his covers. 

His love was safe under his roof, and even if all else somehow failed, he was there with her.  

****************** 

With each passing day, Andrew and Celine manage to come to a greater sense of camaraderie with one another. She’d occasionally shoot him a distrustful glance, but all things considered, things felt okay, more okay than they had ever been since they had broken up. Patching up the sliver of friendship that remained between the two of them was hard work, but they were making the effort.  

Celine had even taken to initiating spending time together, which Andrew relished every moment of. It was often simple, sitting next to each other while reading their individual books, or her asking if she could listen to whatever music he was working on at the moment. It was never anything special, but he saw every second spent in the same room as her without an argument as a moment to be cherished. 

 And he couldn’t recall the last time that she’d berated him for using a pet name, letting him fall blissfully back into the old habit once more. He knew he shouldn’t, that it would only get his hopes up further, but he was allowing himself this one indulgence amidst the general turmoil he was experiencing otherwise. He couldn’t help it, that’s what he’d always see when he looked at her – his darling, his love, his angel; the list goes on. Even when she lost her temper with him over something trivial or fell back into a cycle of distrusting him, he only saw the woman he had fallen in love with, his partner. It wasn’t healthy to let himself continue to view her that way, but he figures that he could live in his delusions for a little bit longer. Was it so wrong of him to want to live in the fantasy of a once-attainable life when the illusion would be all he’d have left when this was inevitably all over? 

[im-literally-so-dun]

HELLO I have a terrible cold and desire knowledge infodump about your latest obsessive fascination please

-cracks knuckles- so this only took like three days to answer— anyWHOO!

The Amazing Spider-Man is a reboot of the classic Spider-Man story, which Sony released in 2012, starring Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone. Rather than focusing on the more traditional aspects of Spidey's story, Sony decided to put a spin on it. This universe is a bit darker, a little grittier. Peter might be a nerd, but he's a skateboarder. And he's not all sweet natured and well meaning, like Tobey's Peter was. Instead, he's a little angrier, more hurt. This Gwen isn't some helpless maiden in need of rescuing, she can save herself— and all of New York, too

The original plan was to release a trilogy of movies, with the first one involving The Lizard as a villain, with a dastardly plan to evolve all of humanity into lizards as well— better, stronger, more adaptable creatures. The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014), features Electro, a former nobody who just wants some recognition in the world. He wants to feel noticed— and Spidey helps him feel noticed. For a second, at least. Till a hitman ruins it, and Electro feels betrayed. They also introduced Harry Osborne's Green Goblin and teased the Sinister Six in this movie. The third and would-be final installment in the trilogy was actually canceled, so my boy never got a good conclusion to his story

As a baby comics nerd, I feel kinda obligated to like the Tobey Maguire trilogy best, because they're generally considered the most comics-accurate. But I just… don't. They don't feel as real, the acting isn't as good, they don't cause as much emotion. You don't care about the characters as much. Yeah, the TASM movies had some major flaws that I would love to elaborate on eventually, but they had so much heart. You can't help but root for this kid who seems to have drawn all the wrong cards, because he means well. He knows he's smart and he's got a responsibility to use the gifts he's been given to help the world. And he wants to. Really, he does. Who doesn't want to be a hero?

But how can he be one, when he's lost nearly everyone and everything that mattered to him? One thing I desperately hate about the franchise is how they take everyone from Peter. His parents. His father figure. His mentor. His girlfriend. His best friend. And, to make it even better? It's his fault. All of it. If he'd been able to predict that this would happen, if he'd just listened, if he'd been faster… how can you keep fighting when you don't have anything left? There's not much reason for him to keep going, not with what they've set canon up as

And the plot… -shivers- look, as much as I adore staring at 2012 Andrew Garfield's big brown puppy eyes, that can't help how exceedingly fast-paced, and utterly overwhelming TASM 2 was. They packed way too much into too short a time. Two villains, setting up five more, discovering your parents deep dark history—and how one of them might still be alive?—losing your girlfriend, college? That's a Lot. To be quite honest, the plot feels extremely choppy and doesn't flow particularly well. I do think that if they'd kept a lot of the scenes they cut, it would've flowed much better and made significantly more sense. But long runtimes are bad! Yada-yada. They kinda sold this would-be trilogy short, and still expected it to do well?

Overall. There's so much to love about these two movies and I'll admit there's also a lot to dislike about them. But Andrew Garfield's puppy eyes can really only do so much XD Perhaps, if they'd been handled slightly differently, they'd slowed the plot down, given Peter something else to fight for, something to really live for; they could've been way more successful. But I really wouldn't call them bad. This world and how they've set it up is fascinating and you can't help but caring about the characters! I may or may not be working on a fic for the would've been third movie…. 👀

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Andrew Doyle

Published: Jan 3, 2025

The year 2025 has a near-magical quality to it. Mathematicians will be eager to tell you that 2025 is the square of 45, and that this is the first square year since 1936 (which is 44²), and we won’t see another one in our lifetimes because the next will be in 2116 (46²). Moreover, apparently 2025 is the total sum of all the cubes of the numbers 1 to 9. For the nerds out there: 1³ + 2³ +3³ +4³ +5³ +6³ +7³ +8³ +9³ = 2025.

As one who was forced to drop my AS-level in Mathematics out of sheer incompetency, I have little interest in such trivia. For me, 2025 has another meaning. And at the risk of sounding hopelessly sanguine, I am going to make some predictions for what we might just achieve if we work hard enough and pray to our various gods.

A free speech fightback

In the wake of the summer riots, we saw draconian jail sentences meted out to citizens for posting offensive memes. The Labour government scotched the Higher Education (Freedom of Speech) Act the day before parliament went into recess. Secretary of State Yvette Cooper has pledged to make the recording of ‘non-crime hate incidents’ more common. There are suggestions that the government will introduce measures against ‘Islamophobia’, a nonsense term designed to curb criticism of religion. There needs to be a concerted effort to restate the primacy of free speech. Our civilisation depends on it.

An end to two-tier policing

In spite of all the denials from the government and the law enforcement agencies, it is perfectly apparent that the police are operating with extreme ideological bias. Whether this involves turning a blind eye to criminality within certain communities, or persecuting gender-critical feminists for acknowledging that sex is real, the failures have become increasingly apparent. Rather than deny that the College of Policing – the body responsible for training police in England and Wales – is ideologically captured, there needs to be a serious effort to address the problem.

Kicking ideology out of the arts

So many of our creative industries are captured: publishing, comedy, theatre, television, film, music… just about everything. Most of us are sick of being preached at when we simply want to be entertained. And some of the most talented artists are squandering their potential by attempting to feed the insatiable beast of identity politics. I would like once again to be able to book tickets to a play confident in the knowledge that it won’t be an ideological sermon in disguise. One can but dream.

A complete ban on puberty blockers

Much to his credit, Wes Streeting, the current Health Secretary, has resisted pressure from activists within his own party and, in accordance with the recommendations of the Cass Review, implemented a full ban on puberty blockers. However, there will still be trials undertaken on the NHS into the efficacy of these drugs, even though nobody in the government can define ‘gender identity’. If this concept cannot be defined, less alone proven to exist, why should any children – on trials or otherwise – be denied the right to puberty? Ultimately, we need to stop basing public health policy on superstitious or pseudo-religious beliefs.

The reinstatement of sex over gender

To carry on this theme, we cannot possibly continue to exist as a society under the delusion that we are not a species divided into male and female, and that the preservation of the rights of women and gay people are not dependent upon a recognition of this fact. When Baroness Jacqui Smith, the government spokesperson for equalities, was asked to define ‘gender identity’ in the House of Lords, she brushed it off by suggesting that people consult the Equality Act. Those who took her advice would be disappointed to discover that no answer is contained therein. In decades to come, historians will find it bizarre that we wasted so much time in restating the reality of human biology simply to appease a handful of fantasists. As a society, we need to grow up quickly.

An end to political tribalism

Media commentators are in the habit of referring to ‘Labour voters’ or ‘Tory voters’ as though the choices we make in the ballot box are someone inscribed in our DNA. All voters should be open to persuasion; those of us who have made politics inseparable from our sense of self have surrendered our individuality. We should be able to disagree without terminating friendships, and we should be able to understand that those who take a different view are not doing so out of mendacity or malevolence. Surely there is little more narcissistic than assuming that ours is the default position, and everyone else must be mistaken. We are all wrong all the time about something. A little less tribalism and a lot more humility might just save the world.

An end to collectivism

This is perhaps the most infantile and common aspect of contemporary political and social discourse. It is possible to criticise gay people without being homophobic, to criticise women without being misogynistic, to criticise ethnic minority people without being racist, to criticise Jews without being antisemitic, to criticise Muslims without being Islamophobic. Too often we fall into the trap of assuming that our group ‘identity’ is what defines us. First and foremost, we are human individuals. Let’s drop the identity politics for good.

Keeping an eye on the ‘anti-woke’

For those of us who still care about freedom and liberal values, we could all stand to be less complacent when it comes to the threats to liberty coming from unexpected sources. We are all accustomed to those who claim to be on the left demanding censorship, cheering on enhanced ‘hate speech laws’ and indulging in cancel culture, but there are disturbing signs of an ‘anti-woke’ backlash. We have seen a decrease in support for gay marriage, demands that protests be banned, and a growing perception that liberalism has failed. In 2025, let’s remember that authoritarianism can emerge from all sides and - as the saying has it - the price of liberty is eternal vigilance.

No doubt this is all wishful thinking, but it’s a start. I have certainly missed out many key aspirations for 2025, so please feel free to correct me in the comments. And, of course, I wish you all a happy new year…

[read-and-write-]

Writing Roundup 2023

here they come at the very last minute doing the tag games

Thank you to @anincompletelist @littlemisskittentoes @happiness-of-the-pursuit @songliili @rockyroadkylers @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @bidoofenergy @inexplicablymine for tagging me! Even if I've been putting this off for weeks!

January

Nope

February

Not yet

March

the only heaven i'll be sent to is when i'm alone with you (M - 1.9k - The Shadowhunter's Chronicles) “You’re lying.” Ty furrowed his brows, Kit thought for a moment he had been discovered but it was impossible, as clever as Ty was he wasn’t a mind reader. “’m not lying.” “You are” “How could you know that?” “I don’t know, I just feel it” Ty shrugged, and for a second Kit just wanted to say it, to spill it out, but how could you tell the person you considered your best friend I just keep thinking how good it would feel to kiss you. or Even when the world might end the only thing Kit is able to think about is a boy.

April

I was reading actual books here

May

Nada

June

you are an idiot (i missed you)  (T- 1.6k- All for the Game) “The best, and arguably the only, good part of playing on opposing teams from your husband was getting to play a match against him. Therefore one could say that Neil was very excited about getting to play against Andrew tonight. Not only because for the first time since the season started they'd finally be in the same State and City (And later after the game, the same house) but also because Neil thought Andrew was 100% hotter when he was playing (Not that he would tell him out loud), and seeing him live was definitely better than seeing him on a screen. There was also the added bonus of the infamous Minyard - Josten Rivalry.” Or Neil and Andrew are having too much fun with their rivalry until someone else takes it too seriously, and then they have a talk.

i don't want you to be a secret (but i want them to shut up) (T- 2.6k- All for the Game) "The kiss tastes like victory, like happiness, like love. And suddenly it doesn’t matter what the press will write about them, or what the audience or the other players are thinking, because it’s their moment. It’s public, it’s loud, it’s bound to cause a scandal, but it’s theirs" or Neil is getting tired of the press writing about him and Andrew, and Andrew comes up with a way to help.

July

self-preservation (G- 2.4 - All for the Game) “You have to know something” “Something like what?” Kevin answered, his tone was hostile, but none of the other two seemed to notice. “Like, if they are…?” Jones started, letting the question hang, Kevin cocked an eyebrow, as if daring Jones to finish the sentence, he didn’t. “Not that we would have a problem with that, we are huge allies, right?” The other rushed to say, nudging the man by his side, who nodded eagerly as he added, “Yeah, yeah, huge allies” or Professional Exy players have a lot to say about Neil and Andrew, but they also don't have a death wish and no one dares to ask (Until they don't have to ask anymore)

It's terrifying to have you in front of me (and making you smile) (T- 1.3k- All for the Game) Loving Neil used to terrify Andrew, he waited for Neil to disappear, to be taken away from him, to do something that will make Andrew leave him. But he never did; Neil stayed, and he took what Andrew could give him without complaints, he waited patiently and spoke softly even if he hadn’t been built for it, he never took without permission and never ran. He made a thousand promises and he made sure he never broke a single one. A yes at a time Andrew let himself love Neil, the key, the car, the home, the shared bunk bed. The roof, the promises, the plans. The rings. The words. or A glimpse at Neil and Andrew's relationship through the years and the things that make it theirs

August

las formas de llamarte amor (M- 2.5k- Red, White and Royal Blue) Henry has been a public figure for most of his life, the reason why he’s been given dozens of titles, some kinder than others, he’s been the gay prince, the spare, the prince of England's hearts, the activist, the author. All of the titles are inevitably a part of his history, but the way Alex calls him is the most important of all. Because to Alex, he is sweetheart, amor, and corazón; Alex calls him mi vida in between kisses and whispers hermoso, lindo, precioso with his wandering hands working through Henry’s body. His name sounds better when it comes out of Alex’s lips. or 5 times Alex calls Henry a pet name in Spanish and one time he calls him by his name or Henry learns Spanish one pet name at a time

and every song reminds me of you (G- 4k- Red, White and Royal Blue) Alex can’t help but smile — Henry is not a great dancer, but the mere sight of Henry dancing merengue because of him is more than enough. His heart swells in his chest, despite the awkwardness of Henry’s movements; there’s something that’s more special about him getting to do this with him. “You know, there was actually this trend a few years ago,” Alex starts as he guides Henry’s hands to his shoulders and then positions his own on Henry’s hips. Henry hums but doesn’t look at Alex, too focused on trying to keep his feet moving the way Alex had taught him. Alex finds it adorable. “People said that you had to dance this song with the love of your life.” or Music is a part of Alex's life, just as much as Henry is, so it is inevitable that sometimes the songs remind Alex of him. (And then remind Henry of Alex)

a love to hold in words (ongoing -Red, White and Royal Blue) A Drabble Collection from The Brownstones 100-word drabble prompts

September

when she was here the path was clear (and she was just here) (T- 3.8k- Red, White and Royal Blue) Alex feels the tears prickling in the corners of his eyes, it’s as if his breath got knocked out of his chest, the pressure of grief weighing him down. He feels Henry standing closer behind him, his husband's hand hovering above his back, asking for permission to touch him. Alex moves back a little and leans his body against Henry's, closing his eyes and focusing on the rhythm of his husband’s heartbeat and matching his own breaths with his. "What do you need, love?" Henry whispers, pressing a kiss to the side of Alex's head. Alex lets out a shuddery breath. “She’s not here, Hen, she’s not here anymore.” or when Alex's abuelita dies he finds a house full of memories and stories to remember and to tell.

yo te llevo dentro, hasta la raíz (G- 546- Red, White and Royal Blue) Seeing you grow up has been one of the greatest privileges of our lives, being able to be with you in every step of the way. And we hope, I hope, if you let me, to be with you for the rest of it. Te amo. Te amamos. De aquí a las estrellas que siempre tuvieron planeado poderte conocer. Tu papi, Alex. or A letter from Alex to his daughter on her quinces

October

Y hace falta que te diga que me muero (por tener algo contigo) (G- 1.6k- Red, White and Royal Blue) “Nora, I have a very important question.” Alex says, it’s been a few hours since he got asked about him and Henry, he’s wrapping up his school day and he has not been able to pay attention to any classes because he’s been thinking about Henry. Henry and him. Henry and him dating. Dating? “No, we are not dating again. Go get someone else,” Alex realizes too late he’s been thinking out loud, his cheeks feel warm. It’s rare that he gets flustered by something like this, he’s always flirty, it’s almost second nature, and this is Nora who has definitely heard worse coming from him, but that’s the effect Henry has on him. “It’s not that!” Alex exclaims and Nora laughs, Alex takes a moment to gather his thoughts into a question. “Am I dating Henry?” Nora glares at him, her eyebrow raised. “How am I supposed to know that, Alejandro?” or the one where Alex is oblivious but no less determined to tell Henry how he feels

un hilo de pensamientos (de cosas que no se deben olvidar) (T- 2.1k- Red, White and Royal Blue) La campaña, Henry, salir del closet, los emails. Lentamente el divorcio de sus padres pasa a segundo, hasta tercer lugar. Tiene problemas más grandes, una relación, una plaza en NYU. Con cada año que pasa Alex deja de recordar las peleas, recuerda los gritos como una imagen vaga de un tiempo alejado de la persona que es ahora. Pero su cuerpo nunca las olvida; siente su sangre helarse cuando a su alrededor alguien levanta la voz, un escalofrío le recorre la espalda cuando se sienta a la mesa a comer con su familia, se le hace un nudo en el estómago cuando Henry se tarda en contestarle. O en el que Alex debe enfrentarse a las consecuencias que el divorcio de sus padres tuvo en él.

a train of thought (of things not to forget) (T- 2k- Red, White and Royal Blue) The campaign, Henry, coming out, the emails – slowly, his parents' divorce slips to second, even third place. He has bigger problems, a relationship, a place at NYU. With each passing year, Alex forgets the fights, he remembers the screams as a vague image from a time far removed from the person he is now. But his body never forgets them: he feels his blood run cold when someone raises their voice around him, a shiver runs down his spine when he sits at the table to eat with his family, and a knot forms in his stomach when Henry takes too long to reply. or Alex needs to face the consequences of his parents divorce

November

to belong to a family (even beyond this world) (G- 2.5k- Red, White and Royal Blue) “Talk to him. They listen, they always listen,” Ligia says and Henry nods, she squeezes his hand again before turning back and leaving him alone in front of the ofrenda. It's very rare that Henry has been at a loss for words when he tries to talk to his father. He has spent countless nights speaking to the stars, looking for Orion and hoping that —wherever his father is— he is looking for it too. “Hi dad,” Henry says softly, taking another look at the picture of his father, smiling at the camera. “I missed you.” or When Alex and Henry go to Mexico for Día de Muertos a familiar face appears on the Díaz ofrenda

December

Super Six and the Siren's Call (T - 111k - Red, White and Royal Blue) with @happiness-of-the-pursuit and @inexplicablymine “Alex didn’t ask to be a half-blood, and he definitely didn’t ask to die before he hit sixteen on a Tuesday morning. But apparently beggars can’t be choosers. Not that Alex had ever begged for anything in his life… Except maybe for a dog, but he maintains that was a reasonable request to ask of his parents. Well, parent.” Or Camp Half-Blood and the Super Six have never seen a villain quite like this.

This year was a crazy year, and even with everything that happened in my life I never thought I would find myself here, writing fic again, obssesing over one fandom, meeting so many people and getting so many pocket friends that I'm forever grateful for, I wish I can see more of y'all in 2024 and I hope to stay here to write my silly little words for a while<3

Take this as an open tag if you want it, but I think most people have already been tagged or already done it, i did leave this for the last... 50 minutes of 2023

[ardent-fox]

✨ Tag Game Master Post ✨

Hi, all! Catching up on these two games I was tagged in during the holidays 💖

First up, thank you to the lovely @lupeloto for creating and tagging me in this fun Tag Game! 🥰

📺 Favorite tv show? At the moment, Our Flag Means Death (shields self from tomatoes being thrown at her 😁)

🕴️ Favorite character? Oof, this is difficult. Gonna have to go with my precious baby boy, Stede

💋 Favorite relationship in the show? Blackbonnet (shocking, I know)

👯‍♂️ Fav sibling relationship in the show? No blood relations but the entire crew is chosen family, so… all of them?

🎨 Favorite art form? Music, with a heavy focus on lyrics/words

⚡️ A talent you wish you had? Being able to draw would be cool

☀️ What is one thing that can always make your day better? My toddler nephew saying the most hilarious things, he's barely 3 and already the funniest person I know

🎬 Favorite fictional character of all time? Atticus Finch (any works he appears in besides To Kill a Mockingbird do not count)

🌅 Dream place to travel to? Thailand or Ireland (either "land" would do, get it? 🧍‍♀️ ...I'll see myself out)

🎈 You’re planning a huge party, what’s the theme? The Masque of the Red Death, get fancy and spooky, bitches 🎭💀

🍕 Favorite pizza topping of all time? All kinds of cheese and extra mushrooms

🥂 You can pick ONE celebrity to have dinner with… Who? Andrew Garfield, {Marge Simpson voice} I just think he's neat

🎥 Favorite movie that you kinda know is bad but you still love? Rocky Horror Picture Show 👄

👖 How would you describe your style? The "I gained a substantial amount of weight in the past 5 years and haven't bought anything new since, so I now wear whatever I can fit into and lots of dresses and skirts cause pants are uncomfortable and shopping for them is a nightmare" style 😬

🖤 Finally, something making you smile this week? My mom's reaction to a present she really wanted, seeing her that touched was soul ascending ✨

----

Next, I got tagged by @deedala, @tanktopgallavich, @suzy-queued and @lupeloto to complete this round of Weekly Tag Wednesday, thank you my darlings! 💙

Name: Lyds

Location: Unknown location in Europe

Astrological Sign: Taurus squaaaad ♉

What's a TV show or movie you plan to re-watch this year? Hubby has never seen Giant, so I'll be rewatching it soon as well as some other classics like Some Like It Hot and Philadelphia Story, I'm sure I'll rewatch Frankie and Johnny for the umpteenth time as well. As far as shows go, I rewatch Our Flag Means Death at least once a month since it's my comfort show, and might do a Shameless rewatch since I've only seen the whole thing once (excluding all the Gallavich scenes)

What's a book or fic you will probably re-read this year? The entirety or The Menagerie by @crossmydna and Honeycomb by @metalheadmickey with artwork by @heymrspatel 💕

What is a song you will likely continue to play on repeat? I've been replaying One Of Your Girls by Troye Sivan for days and don't plan on stopping anytime soon, also still listening to Hozier's entire Unreal Unearth album whenever I'm chilling

What's a tasty treat you look forward to eating more of this year? Gonna steal Ri's answer here and say cinnamon buns, as well as my husband's homemade pizza rolls that I previously mentioned, as they're our favorite thing to eat while binge-watching

What's a time sink that you will continue to sink time into this year? Scrolling this beloved hellsite

Did you pick up any habits in 2023 that you plan to continue? Only unhealthy ones that I plan on ridding myself of in 2024 👋

What's your toxic trait? Inflexibility and freaking out when things don't turn out the way I've planned

What is a coping mechanism you will continue to indulge in this year? Staying in my burrow with my hyperfixations

Tell me something you like about how you look! My full, rosy lips against my smooth, pale skin

Give me at least three adjectives describing things you like about yourself. Honest, open-minded, creative 🌸

I'm out of the loop (which is about to change since I celebrated the last of the festivities today) and haven't been keeping up with the tags lately, but am still going to tag some peeps if you want to do either or both of these: @heymrspatel, @stocious, @too-schoolforcool, @xninetiestrendx, @krysmiss, @sleepyfacetoughguy, @michellemisfit, @whatwouldmickeydo, @vintagelacerosette, @metalheadmickey, @rereadanon, @francesrose3, @darlingian and anyone who sees this and wants to play! ✨

[k00299539]

LSAD Seminar 01: Colour Theory with Sylvia Shortall

What is Colour Theory?

In it's most basic form, colour theory is the study of how colours relate to one another and how this, in turn, affects our perception of them. The feeling or emotion evoked by a colour or combination thereof is of particular interest this field of study.

Above: An old RTE test card from 1978 recorded by Andrew Walmsley on Youtube.

The Medium Affects the Message

An important consideration when discussing clour and colour theory is through what medium the colour is being perceived. For instance I have two desktop monitors; A pen display for digital art and an old Dell monitor from a million years ago. Due to differences in technical specifications and calibration they display colour slightly differently. The pen display is marketed toward artists for its colour accuracy, whereas the Dell monitor was basically made to for looking at spreadsheets. If I slide a picture across from one monitor to the other, I can observe the colours change in real time. In this sense, the accuracy of colours is something we can take for granted.

Above: A video which explains digital colour and how images are projected onto monitors.

Enter PANTONE

So if we can't even trust a colour to look the same between two different monitors, how on earth can brands like Coca-Cola or Starbucks slap their logo on every conceivable product under the sun with one recognisable colour?

Well for better or worse the answer is Pantone LLC and their proprietary Pantone Matching System (PMS). Basically Pantone have a specific formula to render any given colour in any given format. For instance an average computer monitor recreates colour through backlighting hundreds of tiny pixels varying shades of red, green and blue. This is known as the RGB colour model, which is considered "additive" as the colours "add" together to create their intended effect. Print media on the other hand, uses the CMYK colour model. The is a "subtractive" colour model, where the cyan, magenta, yellow, and black (K) mask one another out gradually until the desired tone is created. Pantone somehow they were able to copyright this process and have people pay them for it. If it's not obvious, I hate Pantone and here's a video that should explain why:

Above: A good video about a bad company.

Janine Antoni - Loving Care, 1993

Sylvia actually recommended I research Janine Antoni for my project, so I was happy too see her work show up in this seminar. Personally I feel colour is one of the less important aspects of this particular piece, but all the same, it's roll can't be diminished either.

The use of commercial hair dye, Antoni's long hair and the act of mopping play into stereotypes of women and their gender defined "roles" in life. The gallery floor becoming covered in dye and the audience being gradually forced back out the door they came in can be seen as an act of reclamation. In this sense Antoni is challenging gender roles by using the traditionally feminine to accomplish the traditionally masculine. For me, it brings to mind the contrast between how men and women sit in public spaces, the phenomenon of "Man-spreading". Something that is seen as a faux pas for women but normalised for men. Antoni makes the viewer confront this kind of everyday sexism.

I think she choose a monochrome colour palette here for the contrast. The deep black on the brilliant white. The Yin and Yang of those shades is often said to represent men and women. I'm gonna move on now cause I'm really just rambling about a piece of art I enjoy.

Above: Hair dye charts bear a striking resemblance to Pantone swatch booklets.

Colour for Legibility

Many maps, such as the famous London Underground map designed by Harry Beck, use abstracted visuals and colour to distinguish between and make clear what might otherwise appear as confusing and arbitrary.

Above: You can tell me which one of these two maps is more legible...

Similarly road signs are specifically engineered in such a way as to be legible under any given time of day or weather condition, regardless of colour.

The Politics of Colour

Colour can mean a lot more than simple aesthetics. As Sylvia points out in the lecture, there can be strong political associations with specific colours. A powerful example of this is how our public post boxes in Ireland were mandated to be painted green after the country achieved independence from British colonial rule. In fact the shade of green was entirely arbitrary, one could argue the act was more about the removal of the distinctly British-associated shade of red, which itself speaks volumes of the power of colour.

A similar example of the political power of colour was the #Blackout campaign to protest against racism and police brutality following the killing of George Floyd.

Copyright and Colour

Left: Yves Klein, Center: Anish Kapoor, Right: Stuart Semple

A bit similar to Pantone and their patented method of matching colour, a number of artist have gained infamy for their roles in legal ownership and exclusive use of colour.

Yves Klein, an influential french artist and pioneer of performance art. Klein, in collaboration with Edouard Adam, created a vibrant blue, reminiscent of the lapis lazuli used in medieval paintings of the Virgin Mary. This shade was dubbed International Klein Blue or IKB. Klein registered this process with the French patent institute in 1960 but never formally patented it.

Renowned British-Indian artist Anish Kapoor, known for sculptures such as "The Bean" and Sky Mirror, was granted exclusive artistic use of the super-black coating Vantablack by it's creator Surrey NanoSystems in 2014. This provoked widespread criticism across the art world.

Kapoor drew particular criticism from Biritsh artist Stuart Semple. Semple, in retaliation to Kapoor's exclusive licensing of Vantablack released a shade of pink paint called "PINK – the world's pinkest pink paint" with the specific legal caveat that it could not be purchased by or for Anish Kapoor. This spurred him on toward a movement of democratising colour, creating affordable alternatives to patented shades such as the aforementioned Vantablack but also to Yves Klein's IKB and even an alternative to Pantone's matching system.

If it's not obvious I think artists have legal exclusivity to materials of any kind is an affront to art itself, and I'm happy to see people like Semple challenging the practice.

Above: Anish Kapoor's now iconic reply to Stuart Semple after getting his hands on PINK.

Stanley Whitney and Colour

Stanley Whitney is an American painter known for his use of colour and politically motivated art. I included a video above where he talks both about important political causes like contraceptive rights and also his feelings on colour.

What I admire specifically about Whitney's work is his persistent use of a loose grid as a composition. It highlights just how much emphasis he places on colour. What speaks to the viewer in a Stanley Whitney painting are the colours and their relationships between one another.

[lyon-amore]

With you until the end of the world Chapter 12

Chapter 11

*Angel POV*

It has crossed my mind to write to my parents beginning with ‘Mr and Mrs Connors, I must bring you the news that your daughter, Macie Connors, has passed away.’ How could I have thought of that? It's very cruel. I think it would be even worse if it did. No more sending letters. I know I told them to wait for the next one, but there will never be a next one. They will no longer receive letters from me. Even that is wrong too What if I just make it worse? Do I make them worry by waiting for the next letter and they think something has happened to me because they don't receive any? Every thought gets worse. 

I take all the envelopes and letters, putting them in a small bag to take them to throw away. Jake is checking the security of my phone, if anyone was able to look at anything on it while I was checking my emails. I guess I thought I was safe because it wasn't my phone, because all my information has already been lost. Maybe we really have put ourselves in danger. They will be waiting for the right moment to walk through the door. I take a deep breath, wanting to avoid getting paranoid. I move closer to Jack and get up to him. He is painting in his notebook.     “Jack, I need your help.” I tell him with a kind smile.     “It's a mission?” he asks excitedly.     “A mission that only we can do” he looks at me curiously and continues “, Since Jake is busy on a mission to investigate if someone has been able to break into my phone, we will have a mission to investigate someone.”     "Is there a bad guy coming for us?"     “Very possibly” I settle on the floor “Do you remember the man who picked up your doll?” he nods and continues.”Well, he's here, in Italy.”      He jumps up off the floor.     “We have to tell Jake!” He takes a step and I stop him.     “Wait!” I stop him and look at him nervously “We still don't know if the man is going for us.”     "Do we have to get information out of him?"     "Exactly" I try to explain slowly ", you should never accuse someone without proof, and if it turns out that it's someone who also happened to come here without looking for us, we might get him in trouble."      He starts to think about my words, until he smiles at me, nodding.     "But if it's not bad, don't let him be my new dad." he says with an angry tone.      I let out a laugh, hugging him.     "He won't be, I promise" I reply, leaving a kiss on her forehead ''. Well, this is what we will do.” 

I tell Jack how to get the information. We have to act like a normal family. Basically, Andrew believes we're not running or hiding. When we find out if he's an FBI agent, I'm going to tell Jake and give him the phone number so he can access his phone and investigate him his own way so he can avoid investigating us. And then we'll have to leave again. 

At nightfall, after everything that had happened, Jack wanted to sleep with us because he was worried about me. I look at him with a smile and hear a small laugh. I look up to see how Jake is looking at me. Funny.     "Are you better, mom?" He asks me laughing again.      I sigh rolling my eyes. I can't go back anymore.     "Okay, it doesn't bother me that he calls me mom" I answer quietly, not wanting to bother him ", it's different from the children I've taken care of."     “Not all-“     "If you've only cared for one child in your entire life, you have no right to continue that sentence." she threatened, but obviously joking.      He smiles and leans a little closer to me to kiss my forehead.     "I will keep looking at your phone." he says after gently caressing my cheek.     "Thank you." I whisper, still a little sick about what happened.      He gives me a small kiss and gets up to leave the room. I watch him walk away, thinking about how much I want to protect him and how I've failed. All because I am unable to leave mine behind. But it’s over. Macie's name will no longer be spoken. And I like the name Angel. The meaning it has for him is special and I like to feel special with him.     "As soon as I have the information I need, I'll give it all to you Jake" I murmur decisively ", I promise I won't leave anything uninvestigated." 

The next day, I decide to take Jack to the restaurant to see Andrew, with the excuse that he needs a break from his hacking classes. He's a little boy, we can't stress him out. I told him that if everything went well, I would buy him an ice cream. And so I can buy one. 

We go into the restaurant, but I don’t see Andrew. I look everywhere. What if he has gone to inform his superiors?     “Where is he?” I ask biting my nail.     "Is it bad, mom?"     "I don't-"     "Were you looking for me?" I hear behind me and I get scared.      When I turn around I see Andrew, smiling that charming smile.     "Hello" I greet him, passing my hair behind my ear, smiling coquettishly "what makes you think we were waiting for you?" Maybe we just came to eat.”     "Why else would you come the day after we met?" He winks at me and I laugh. It's obviously a fake laugh. The more charming he sees me, the more confident he will be and I will see if he misses something or some small gesture that gives him away "How are you kid?" he asks Jack, balling his hand into a fist in greeting.      Jack does something that surprises me and he hides behind me, even though I told him to act normal in front of him. I can see the fear in his eyes and I know it right away.     "He doesn't like to be greeted like that" I tell Andrew, for him to remove his hand ", he's a little more polite."     "I see," Andrew begins to think, catching up with him. I see how his eyes examine him. He is scanning him. He's like me “And high five? Do you prefer it better?” He raises his hand and waits.      Jack smiles sheepishly and agrees, giving him a high five. Andrew laughs, sitting up.     "Why don't you go pick out a table for you and your mom? I'm going to talk to her for a second.”      Jack looks at me, as if he could excuse me.     "Go, but close, okay?"      He nods and runs off to an empty table not far from my sight. I look at Andrew, who is looking at me seriously. I guess the moment of truth has arrived.     "Who was mistreating him?" I blink confused at his question “I realized that he was scared when he saw the fist.”     ''It's…" I take a deep breath, feigning discomfort. It's time to make up a story again “My ex-boyfriend liked to be too scary, that's why I left him, for treating him badly.”      He looks at me carefully, he's looking to see if I'm lying or not.     "And how did you know?" I ask now “Maybe he was just scared of you.”     "I know what he had been through" he shrugged, but with a sad look on his face ". I've suffered as a child too."      I try to figure out some small gesture that gives him away in that lie. But I don't see anything.     "I... I'm so sorry" I answer awkwardly ". I didn't want to remind you.     "It’s alright" he gives me a small smile, shoving his hands into his pockets quickly ", that's in the past now, he's in jail."      I nod slowly and we start walking over to Jack, who is holding a menu in his hands. 

I sit next to him and Andrew across from us. I fix his bangs and smile fondly at him.     “How are the classes going?” He asks Jack, leaning on the table “Do you like living here?”     “Mmm…” the little one starts to think and makes it very serious “It's difficult to understand the language, but it's okay because I'm with mom.”     “It must be great to be with her.” he says as he looks at me.     “Yes, she takes good care of me and she worries about me.”      For a moment I was afraid that he might say something he shouldn't. Well, I've always taken good care of him, I was just afraid that he would say something he shouldn't.     "Did you doubt me?" I ask with a flirtatious smile.     "Of course not, I think you're more than capable." He places his hands under his chin, without looking away.      I try to try to see beyond that friendly facet. And I think he does the same too.     “And what do you do?” he asks curiously.     "I'm looking for a job." I reply quickly.     "After so long living here?"     "I do what I can, I focus more on taking care of Jack" I answer as I stroke the boy's hair ", but in the last interview I had they told me that they would call me soon."     “Oh yeah?” he leans forward a little “And what is it?”     “Interpreter in a company.”     “Not bad.” he arches his eyebrows in agreement.     “And you were always a pianist?”      And finally it happens. I don't know that he notices too much because he does it very subtly, but by looking at it very carefully, I can see it. He has quickly looked down, as if he was thinking.     "I taught piano" he says seriously “. I left it with my girlfriend after two years of dating” I tilt my head, trying to figure out if he's telling the truth. I don't see any trace of pity, resentment or melancholy. Rage. I see nothing. Not a bit of love “. I needed a change in my life and here I am! With a lovely woman and her lovely son.”     &lt;<He actually loves to flatter more than Phil.>>      His interest in me is strange. It's like he doesn't let me see his true intentions. He just talks more than acts, he hasn't tried to make a breakthrough. Either he is really respectful or he doesn't really have those intentions.     “I don't like being someone's replacement.” I say, crossing my arms.     "Don't worry, you won't be." he winks at me, getting up from his chair to go to the piano.      He starts playing another tune I know. It remind me of those moments when I needed to relax and not think about anything. Just my little world on that apartment. I shake my head, erasing those memories. She no longer exists. 

After eating, we decided to return home. Not before buying an ice cream. After today's conversation, I'm starving for one.     “I have done well?” Jack asks me, emotion in his voice.     "Perfectly" I reply with a smile ", although we have obtained little information.     “What?”     "First, he wasn't dedicated to giving piano lessons." A proud smile escapes me when I noticed it “, he lied when I asked him if he had always been a pianist, it hasn't been very noticeable but he has avoided looking at me. And why name me his ex when I asked him about the piano?“     "So he lied to us?"     "Yes, that's what I think" I hope I don't sound upset, but I've been through this before with guys who pretended to be perfect. Although maybe I was the one looking for someone special “, but the reason may be several.”     "Then we have to keep investigating!"     "Exactly" I stand up to him, excited “, I have found his weak point, he may know how to play the piano but if he diverts the conversation, it is so that he doesn’t continue talking about the subject because it is not what he has planned.”     “So, what can we do now?” he asks curiously.     "Surely now he will have realized his mistake and will start thinking about his mistake" I get up and we walk again “. I'll have to be careful so he doesn't notice that I'm interested in noticing when he lies.”     "And then we'll tell Jake he's one of the bad guys."     "Let's just hope I can get his phone number so I can look into it." I sigh, trying not to get nervous.     "And how are you going to get it?"     “I… I'll tell you when you grow up.”      I'm going to hate flirting with that guy, but if he's really looking into me, maybe even pretending I need his help might work. 

*Jake POV*

I have not been able to find any kind of trace on Angel's mail. It's all clean. It does not look like it was detected. I sigh in relief running my hand through my hair. Maybe I should stop by the studio now that everything has calmed down. The decoy computer has stopped working thanks to me, I have left it completely empty. The computer may have been lost forever, but at least it worked, they could not find us. Now I have to deal with something that may be risky, but possible. 

I open the chat with Henry. It is also risky for him, maybe I will put him in trouble for this, but I do not have anyone to turn to. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Nymos Comet, I need your help. 

-----Comet has connected----- 

Comet I knew it She has betrayed you 🙄 

Nymos No, is not that. I need you to get me some documents.

Comet And that's how I get into the criminal world 😩 Let's see, what kind of documents? 

Nymos I know you can get them for me because you work in security. They are family documents. Family book, school book, marriage documentation, hospital documentation… 

Comet Wait a minute, that’s too much! What is it for? 

Nymos We need to start from scratch. And we need documentation. Even if it is so that nobody recognizes us when they investigate us. 

Comet Of course Get more charges now 😑 Do you know that for false documentation they can put you in jail too? 

Nymos That is why I am asking you for help. It is not fake if I ask security agents for it.

Comet DIGITAL SECURITY! I’m not from witness protection! 

Nymos But it is easier for you to get it. Even the digital signature can be easily obtained.

Comet Ouch! 😩 Will I have to fill it in? 

Nymos No, that.is what I take care of. 

Comet Everything you do for her, huh? 🙄 

Nymos And the child When I saw them yesterday, I felt that I did not want to lose them because of me. The only option I have is that I also disappear from the world and thus be with them far from here. 

Comet Hmm… I don’t know if it sounds very nice or very risky And does she know? 

Nymos I am planning how to tell her and thus fill out the documents together :) 

Comet Well if so I guess because of you I can get it Although it will take a long time, there are many documents you need And more if you want to leave the country without problems 😅 You could put yourself in danger at the airport 

Nymos I know, luckily I already have a forged ID and passport. The man who makes them is an expert.

Comet I won’t ask any more about that… But yeah, okay But if you promise that when you’re settled I can come see you I want to meet my nephew! 😤 

Nymos Haha. Alright :) I know I can trust you. 

Comet Because I'm the only one who can't scold you Like I said, it'll take a while, so stay out of trouble while I get it for you 

Nymos I promise you.

Comet Wait for news from me then 😎

-----Comet has disconnected----- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hear the door knock and Jack runs into the room, hugging me.     “Dad!” He exclaimed with a laugh.      The word is still strange, but for his happiness, I think I do not care.     “How was the walk?” I ask sitting him on my lap.     "Well, Mom even bought ice cream for dessert."     "Surely she bought it as an excuse to eat herself."      Angel clears her throat, crossing her arms.     "And I meant it without bad intentions." I reply quickly.     "Of course." She rolls her eyes and walks over to us.      She leans in kissing me on the lips. I place my hand on her waist and she lets out a laugh.     “I am here!” Jack exclaims and we look at him. He crosses his arms, annoyed.      I ruffle his hair and Angel kisses his cheek. The little one laughs happily.     "Hey, why don't you take Jack to the studio and get a little spruced up?" Says Angel, going to the door "He got some ice cream on him and I'd like to clean his clothes."     "Of course, I was going to go too." I answer, leaving the boy on the floor and I get up from the chair.     "Okay, let's all go then. I'll grab the laundry bag and we'll go.”      As she leaves the room, I catch up with Jack. I can not believe I am going to do this.     "Can you help me with something?" I ask and feel my shy side come out.     “Yeah!”      I smile seeing his excitement.     “I want to prepare a surprise for Angel and I need your help for what I want to do.”     “And what is?”      I let out a nervous laugh. It is something that I would never have thought to do, because I never had a person by my side who I loved so much. And asking a child for help for this is a bit desperate, it seems that I am going to use him to make it easier, although he is not. I need his help because I have no one else to turn to.     "I'm done guys." Angel warns from the entrance.     “I will tell you when she is not there, she is very smart and she would find out if it is close that we are up to something.”      I get up and grab the mask from the table, putting it on. I take Jack’s hand and he accepts it, laughing at our secret. I have needed to meet the right person to want to break with everything that made me have a gray world. 

Chapter 13