#andrew can pretend he has them if he flexes

[emry-stars-art]

I don’t know if I’ve made this clear yet but in my head Andrew does not actually have abs 😌

[thespineoftherighteous]

more show bloopers

they're (the monsters' actors) are doing a car scene and Neil and Aaron's actors together decide to turn on the seat heater of Kevin's actor, all the way up, just to get him to say "bloody hell my arse is on fire"

then it becomes like a running gag, especially between the twins' actors, to unsuspectingly turn on each other's seat warmers uncomfortably high

Neil's actor accidentally confuses the twins:

Neil, speaking to Aaron's actor: look Andrew-

Aaron's actor: *gently and seamlessly turns Neil's actor by the shoulders to face Andrew*

Neil's actor: look Andrew-

Andrew's actor: hi!

not a blooper but Dan's actress is tiny, the smallest person in the cast, (the twins' actors are 5'7-- it's the best thing that could've ever happened to them) which has no significance except for the fact that this girl can and will fall asleep ANYWHERE and the cast has loads of evidence of her knocked in every possible location on set

a scene on the bus where Andrew's actor is walking towards the very back, where Andrew sits, except some of the prop luggage/exy equipment is sticking out into the aisle of the bus and he trips over it face-first and just. disappears completely from the frame. one second he and the camera are moving in sync and the next he's just. gone. flat on the floor.

(Aaron's actor almost pisses himself laughing)

they're shooting a deleted scene of Renee and Andrew sparring together and at one point Andrew's actor just cracks up and Renee's actress is like ?? and he goes "your sound effects." and explains to her how every time she throws a punch she makes like a "whoosh" or "pow" noise and she goes "!!! i didn't even realize??"

on set of the locker room and Kevin's actor is sat in Kevin's stall being spontaneously serenaded by Matt's actor

that scene in tfc where the monsters take Neil shopping and Nicky is talking to him as he pulls out clothes for Neil to try on. except every so often Nicky's actor pulls out the most ludicrous article of clothing and offers it to Neil's actor with a straight face. at one point he holds a lime green mesh bralette that was also a turtleneck and had stirrups (??) up as if to see if it'd fit Neil and Neil's actor just loses it. while he's clutching a clothes rack trying to catch his breath and the people behind the camera are trying to train their hysterics, Nicky's actor turns to the camera, still holding the bralette and goes "where the hell did y'all even find this? i don't think even Nicky could pull this off" *eyes Kevin's actor* "buuuut if anyone could surely it-"

Neil's actor climbing off the top bunk bed except he misses a step and tumbles gracelessly to the ground

Allison's actress nails Aaron's actor right in the face with her ponytail in a scene where they're getting ready for a game and psyching themselves up. he wasn't even going to let it ruin the take but six seconds later she stops and turns and goes "did i just hit you?" and he's like "yep" and she grins and goes "so sorry babe"

Renee's actress is having trouble with a line and by the fifth time they have to restart she's cussing up a storm and Matt's actor pretends to be shocked and goes "Natalie Renee Walker. you're better than that" and she turns to look at the camera and goes "he just learned my full name this morning. if you can't tell"

the scene where Neil puts Andrew's hand under his shirt but Coach's actor pulls a look-into-the-camera- like-hes-on-the-office with a "y'all seeing this shit?" expression so they have to start over

see also about that scene: they're in the middle of a take and Andrew's actor randomly and without changing his Andrew-expression goes "are you flexing your abs right now?" and Neil's actor goes "sorry I'm nervous..you can feel that?" and he goes "yeah" and there's a beat of silence of presumably Neil's actor just flexing his abs. Andrew's actor goes "that's impressive. hot" Neil's actor goes "thanks man"

they're shooting a scene in the lounge and Allison's actress is in the middle of a line when she notices a real picture of the boys being idiots on the set photo wall and starts giggling and goes "sorry sorry i had never seen that one..caught me off guard. okay let's go again.."

it's not even supposed to be a blooper but they didn't know they were rolling so there's a blooper of Neil's actor telling Aaron's actor "you're 5 and I'm 10. I'm twice the man you'll ever be. bitch"

the scene where Kevin shows up with the queen on his face except Andrew's actor thought they were still rehearsing so when he appears in the doorway to the bedroom after hearing Kevin and Neil making noise it's with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders the way he had been doing throughout rehearsals

(they ended up keeping that in the scene. Andrew first appears wrapped up in his blanket, all tired and shit. he realizes what's going on and starts to become more alert and as he walks towards Kevin to inspect his face, he lets the blanket fall to the ground. it's grand and dramatic and all, but so is Andrew)

a whole bunch of clips stitched together of when they filmed the Foxes working out in the gym. in the show it's a brief montage but there's loads of unseen content of the cast just fooling around- dancing to music on the speakers and flexing ridiculously and exaggeratedly lifting weights and shit

the scene in the car where Andrew elbows Neil hard in the ribs but in this blooper Aaron's actor joins in and it becomes both twins just pretending to beat Neil's actor up

(Kevin's and Nicky's actors in the front seats are just staring ahead, driving like nothing's happening and shaking their heads going "kids")

Dan's actress keeps laughing during a scene where Dan and Matt kiss and during one take where she's trying to calm herself down by putting her forehead on his shoulder you can hear Allison's actress in the background go "i can do it instead if you want" and Matt's actor smirks at the camera over Dan's head and Allison's actress goes "bitch not you I meant me kiss her"

just. one scene where Neil barges into a room (as he does) but the actor underestimates the set so when he throws the door open it quickly rebounds to smack him, full-body..as the door slowly swings back open you can see him crumpled on the floor in the doorway clutching his elbow

Andrew and Neil's actors are about to do a scene and suddenly you hear a loud "pucker up boyssss" in the background. it's from Allison's actress (who didn't even need to be on set that day) and Neil's actor glances over at her, grins and goes "what are you even doing here. get out. leave" and she just sits in his production chair and settles in to watch

if you look closely you can find a stray exy ball here and there in places where they shouldn't be. that's because most of the cast (but especially Matt, Kevin and Renee's actors) like to nick exy balls from the set of the court and toss them around in between takes..and apparently leave them all over the place

not a blooper but. the cast went through a lot of intimacy training before they started filming (for both like aggressive and soft intimacy) and they're all naturally very close as well, so whenever they shoot a scene where one of them has to pretend to hurt another (physically/emotionally/etc) they always make sure to check in with them in between takes and once they've finished to make sure they're okay

they're shooting on set of the lounge a scene that's supposed to be right before afternoon practice and at one point Coach's actor tells Aaron to get the cart of racquets (i forgot what it's called in the books) and so Aaron's actor gets up and moves out of frame while Coach's actor keeps talking. and all of a sudden there's this earth shattering crash that makes everyone flinch HARD. and then you hear Aaron's actor (who literally was only supposed to take the cart and roll it across the room in the background of the shot) say "i am SO sorry" in the most horrified whisper

Coach's actor eating shit while walking off the bus

Kevin's and Andrew's actors need to do a bit in a scene where they turn their heads at the same time to look very intensely at each other (as per Kandrew) and they simply cannot do it without cracking up it's terrible

Andrew and Neil's actors are on the rooftop and they're supposed to be staring at each other, all intense. but then there's this huge, awkward, horrifying sound from somewhere below and at first it looks like they'll be able to stay professional and just ignore it. but then Neil's actor bows his head to his shoulder and puts his fist to his mouth to try to contain himself and they have to restart ("sorry sorry. but just...did something just..die?")

Kevin and Neil's actors have to get all up in each other's faces but then, practically nose to nose, Neil's actor goes "i don't remember my line" "mhm" "you have lovely eyes" "thanks mate" "we should start over" "let's." ..THEN they back down

Dan's actress pointing her exy stick at the camera "hi I'm Captain Dan Wilds and YOU [wink] are watching Disney channel" *does very shitty drawing of the Disney logo*

Coach's actor forgets which of the Foxes he's supposed to be addressing so he just says "you little shits" and it ends up sticking throughout the whole series because it's so in character

they have to restart the scene where all the Foxes first meet so many times that by the twentieth time Seth's actor goes "I'm fucking concerned-" Nicky's actor jumps in with "yeah sweetie we know"

and cut

[skeetusmcyeetus]

I’ve making headcanons about all of my hyper fixations for a while now and just dumping them on my friends so I’m gonna also dump them here.

If you’re into All For the Game , My Hero Academia, ATLA, The Raven Cycle stay fuckn tuned my doods bc I have a loooot of stuff rattling around my empty skull.

Not all of these are 100% mine some of them are already pretty popular and I’m expanding on them or I heard something similar and edited it to my own tastes

I’ll separate them by series,,,

Theres like one canon that’s mildly nsfw

TW: drug abuse

Mha/Bnha

pro hero kirishima’s Red Riot™️ merch is insanely size inclusive bc he wants fatgum to be able to wear the hoodie that kiri’s pr team sent him but that’s not all,,

If he wasn’t super gay and in love with Bakugou he’d be very Into BBWs so again his merch is super size inclusive bc he wants everyone to be able to wear it

The company that makes the merch also takes requests for special made merch for people who’s quirks interfere with a “normal” size or dimension

ALSO ,,,,this man(kiri) is built like a fuckn MACK TRUCK OKAY he is 6’7” and cannot fit through doorways without ducking and turning a little to the side ,,, he is broad And still wears no shirt™️ ,,, this being said ,, bakugou is still around 5’8” and pretty slim don’t get me wrong he’s extremely strong and toned but he’s not huge,, it makes flying easier if he stays a little lighter ,,,,,,, the point is,, sometimes kiri will pick up bakugou with one arm and bakugou can’t even pretend to hate it anymore

Also,,,, fatgum has to use special pens and keyboards because of how big his hands are,,, he’s literally 8’2” I won’t take criticism on this

Fatgum actually loves wearing red riot and sun eater merch

Allmight and Inko start dating and one day when they’re out someone comments on how much all might ��looks like a skeleton” and she absolutley lets loose on them for being so vapid and shallow and how “he’s risked his life to save people like you more times than you have ever even thought about being helpful in your life and it would serve you well to treat someone who’d die for you without even knowing you with more respect”

All might had to gently pull her away bc the guy was crying and she wasn’t anywhere near finished with him

Midnight is Asexual and aggressively pretends to be horny on main™️ because for one, it works with her quirk and two, nothing sells better than sex especially when you’re a woman.

Bakugou and kirishima use sign language to talk shit at Public events

Dabi is addicted to painkillers because he’s been on them his entire life,, he wakes up with the shakes and sometimes toga has to help him take his meds in the morning because he’s already in withdrawal

Tensei was the first one to realize that iida was autistic and immediately did copious amounts of research on ASD and how to be a good brother to him

ATLA

sokka grows his hair as long as Zuko’s (except the sides obvi) and sometimes he’ll wear his hair in the fire nation top knot and zuko loses it every time

Azula gets help and now sometimes when she wakes up with the sun after a night of fitful sleep she goes to the courtyard to have tea with iroh. They never talk, but then again they never need to.

Sometimes after a hard day sokka falls asleep in the bathtub and wakes up to zuko warming the water back up and washing his hair for him

Suki lounges in zukos throne while zuko gets worked up about stuff and paces all around the room

Mai is on the ace spectrum

When sokka and zuko visit the southern water tribe zuko will firebend for the all of the kids in the village,,, they love him so much and sometimes sokka gets a little teary eyed watching him

Sokka braids zukos hair water tribe style and it’s the hottest thing maybe ever

Zuko takes sokka on shopping sprees pretty frequently and sokka fuckn loves it

One time someone has the nerve to call sokka “the fire lords sugar baby” and sokka just flips his ponytail over his shoulder Ariana style and says “and what about it?”

The Raven cycle

Ronan has 100% killed Robert Parrish in his dreams and when he wakes up to see Adam next to him he almost immediately wants to go back to sleep and do it again for all the pain he’s caused Adam

Gansey is oblivious to the fact that he is indeed shredded,, when he gets really worked up he moves his arms a l o t like rolls up his sleeves, crosses and uncrosses his arms and The gang’s favorite is when he puts his hands on his head and subconsciously flexes,,,, literally entire gangsey will group swoon at him and he genuinely thinks they are marvelling at his passion for whatever he’s worked up about

Ronan watched broke back mountain once when he was like 16 and now all he can think about is being a gay cowboy ,,,

Adam will read people’s tarot wrong if theyre douchebags

Don’t you think it’s funny that the ganseys don’t have any straight children?

Blue has a T-shirt from each member of the gangsey (except Noah,, rip Noah) and shes created a terrible Franken-T-shirt by ripping them up and sewing them all back together in an extremely ugly patch work thing

Adam talks in Latin in his sleep and it really freaks his roommate out,, like a lot,, not to mention the fact that Adam already creeps him out to begin with bc he’s got that other vibe that comes from being tied to cabeswater and lindenmere ,, 6 out of 7 days his roommate is convinced that he’s a witch or a fairy or something

Ronan teaches opal how to bake and opal burns everything on purpose

aftg

Neil has definitely killed multiple people to survive

Neil’s mom definitely made him kill someone at least twice to make sure he could kill to survive on his own if they got separated

he probably definitely still has nightmares about each one

Matt and Dan both had a crush on Neil for like 30 seconds and absolutely talked to each other about him

Ppl always talk about how hot it is to crush a watermelon with your thighs,,,, Andrew could do it with his arms

Aarons ass is so flat and Andrew has an absolute dumptruck

Kevin started out as one of those annoying “obsessed with WWII” history guys and now he’s actually very into queer history and will rant about the lavender scare for an hour if you let him

The foxes lounge room(?) has a dart board with riko’s face on it to this day,, they literally have a drawer full of copies the same image of riko and every time one gets worn out they put a new one up. It’s more of an inside joke now but wymack still hates that little puke even though he’s dead so it stays up

Post-canon Neil gets drunk and teaches the team how to steal a car by hot wiring Matt’s truck

Matt does drag for halloween one year and Dan liked it a little too much *cough cough* she pegged him while he was still in drag

Someone once asked Renee if she was “saving herself for marriage like a good Christian girl should” and Allison knocked them out cold and stepped over the body

Neil calls Aaron ugly to his face literally any chance he gets (I feel like this one might be canon but I actually don’t know What’s real anymore)

Andrew Unironically wears a pink apron that says “kiss the cook” that Nicky got him for Christmas when he bakes

Okay I think that’s it ? For now?? Let me know if y’all want more,,,,, I’ll separate them next time I just really had to dump these and I didn’t want to make multiple posts.

I made this at 5:30 in the morning sorry if it’s riddled with typos and errors.

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Dating Andrew Clark

(Not my gif)(Requested by @mpmarypoppins​ )

(I’m sorry this took so long! It took more work than I was expecting!)

- You technically met Andrew after the two of you were placed in the same class though; since you weren’t in the same social circle, you didn’t talk to each other. Well, you didn’t talk to each other until the teacher was late to class one day; something quite common for said teacher, and the delinquents who sat behind you decided to pick on you.

- Usually, it really didn’t bother you. You’d ignore them and the teacher would arrive and they’d be forced to shut up. But Andrew wasn’t used to that sort of thing and he certainly didn’t like it so when the goons started to berate you, he turned around and told them to shut up.

- They made a smartass retort back at him but did as he said, settling in their seats just as the teacher finally showed up. Throughout the rest of the class, the two of you took turns sneaking glances at each other and pretending like you weren’t when the other happened to look. 

- Neither of you mentioned the event to each other and you’d figured that that was the end of it. And for the time being it was, but a few days later that wouldn’t be the case. 

- Once again, your teacher was late and the assholes who sat behind you began their familiar attempts at bothering you. You caught Andrew glancing back at you, watching to see your reaction; you’d assumed, before he finally turned fully around and told them to knock it off …though this time they didn’t.

- The ringleader of the group made a comeback, turning on the boy and asking “what he was going to do about it”, prompting Andrew to stand up, threatening to “wipe the floor with” them.

- The boy stood up as well, grinning as he made a comment about the two of you dating, and subsequently an obscene remark which made your face turn hot. Before you knew it, the two boys were one the floor, Andrew pushing the kid to the ground, asking if he was finished and demanding he apologize.

- He released the boy after a moment and they straightened themselves out, stumbling backwards without saying anything, hoping to dodge the extra humiliation of saying they were sorry.

- You saw that Andrew was about to say something; most likely once again telling the boy to apologize, so you delicately grabbed his arm and told him it was fine, thanking him for sticking up for you.

- He eased up as the other boy and his group of friends made their exit, turning to you more calm then before and asking if you “just let them do that to you”.

“Nothing much I can do. If I say something they’ll just keep doing it because they get a rise out of me.” You explained.

“If you don't fight back they’ll just keep bothering you cause you’re an easy target.” He insisted.

“I’ll be an easy target but I’ll also be boring. The only way to win is to wait it out and let them get bored.” You replied, turning through your notebook a bit uncomfortably.

“No.” He shook his head.

“What?” You asked, furrowing your brows in confusion.

“No,” he replied. “They bother you again, you tell me. I’ll handle it if you don’t want to.”

- His offer made you smile but proved to be unnecessary as the boys moved seats and refused to say anything to you after that day.

- The two of you hadn’t talked in a few days so it sort of shocked you when he approached you in the hall and struck up a conversation, asking how things were to which you were able to report that the guys had left you alone.

- He gave you a small smile and a “that’s good, that’s good” before going quiet for a moment. You were about to say goodbye until he turned to you and told you about a party that one of his friends was having, suggesting that; maybe, you’d like to go before offering to pick you up.

- Taking your only chance to attend a real highschool party; and spend more time with one of the most popular and handsome boys in school, you agreed, writing down your address for him and returning his smile as he said goodbye. 

- As it turns out, parties aren’t really your thing and surprisingly not his either. The two of you ended up spending most of your time sat outside, talking in the dark and nursing cheap beer.

- You’d been telling him a story when you noticed that his eyes were locked on you. You’d dismissed it for a while before you turned and met his eyes, your story quickly becoming meaningless and trailing off into thin air.

- You watched as his eyes shifted down towards your lips, pausing there before he began to lean in. You began to lean forward as well, tilting your head so that he could connect your lips properly.

- The two of you shared a long, soft kiss before you pulled away, a warm, fuzzy feeling filling you as you took notice of the lovestruck sorta look on his face. The two of your faces lingered close to each other’s for a moment, neither of you wanting to pull away.

“You should probably take me home, it’s getting late.” You whispered.

“Do you want to go home?” He asked quietly.

“No.” You smiled, laughing softly.

- A small smile found its way onto his lips as well before he leaned in again, kissing you with a bit more fervor than before, his hands tightening their grip on the jacket; his jacket, that you were wearing.

- Cliques and stereotypes be damned. He loved you and he sure as hell wasn't letting you go if he could help it.

- He’s been taught to be a gentleman so he keeps his pda light and innocent. He doesn’t need the entire school watching him shove his tongue into your mouth.

- Soft kisses.

- Handholding.

- Temple, forehead, and head kisses. 

- Attending all of his wrestling matches and cheering him on. He always seeks you out in the crowd and shoots you a smile.

- He’s prone to trying to show off and impress you. Taking off clothes, flexing, athletic tricks, acting tough; whatever he thinks will get your attention.

- Giving him genuine, meaningful praise. 

- Shy compliments from him. Sometimes, he gets genuinely awestruck over how pretty you are. 

- He doesn't use too many nicknames, maybe a babe here and there but otherwise he just calls you by your name. He thinks pet names are sorta silly though he cant help but smile when you use them on him; as long as its in private. 

- He insists on escorting you to class. It’s certainly useful, the hallway crowds all but part like the red sea for him and his Varsity jacket. 

- Your books? In his arms. Your entire body? In his arms. Hey, he’s got muscles for a reason; he’s gonna put them to good use!

- Getting used as a human dumbbell. It’s somewhat scary yet fun though you’re pretty sure he copes a feel every now and again. 

- If you ever have any food you don't want just slide it over to him. You don’t even need to say anything, he’ll grab it and kiss you on the cheek before you can anyways. 

- He fiddles with things when he’s bored so expect to just randomly feel him playing with your hair or witness him doing something adorably stupid in an attempt to entertain himself. 

- Playing finger football and other hand games in class/lunch. 

- Dancing together.

- He loves having you right by his side. He’ll literally pull your chair closer to his while you’re sitting in it just because he wants you as close as he can get you.

- Sharing inside jokes and secret smiles with each other.

- He’ll either lay between your legs and lean back against you, his head on your stomach/chest, or he’ll lay his head in your lap and let you mess with his hair. He “secretly” loves when you play with it.

- You usually cuddle with your head on his chest and his arm wrapped around you. He’s sorta not used to cuddling so it’s gonna take a little bit of time for him to warm up to really snuggling with you.

- He hasn't really figured out who he is yet. He’s an amalgamation of everyone he’s ever had to listen to so you’re gonna have to try and help break him out of that, and become his own person. 

- A part of him yearns to feel accepted and that’s going to cause him to do whatever he can to please you, unless, perhaps, it goes against pleasing his father. It’s just something he does without really thinking about it so you’ll have to sort of keep that in mind since you don’t want to take advantage of him. 

- Going out and acting like idiots, living in the moment and actually enjoying yourselves instead of worrying about what other people think. 

- Being there for him to rant to when he needs. 

- Helping him study so he doesn't fall behind in his academics while trying to excel in sports. 

- Wearing his jacket. He thinks you look adorable when you put it on and will always toss it to you when the weather gets cold.

- He’s hot blooded so if you get cold then just move in closer, he never minds. Either that or throw on the clothing that he’s pulled off of himself.

- Being invited to the “popular” parties, even if you really aren’t yourself. He’s not a big fan of them but you being there makes them more bearable.

- Becoming friends with the members of the breakfast club, specifically Claire since she’s in the same clique as Andrew and you wind up hanging out in the same places. 

- He genuinely likes you for you. You may think that you have to change something about yourself but just know that he loves you either way, whether you do change it or not. 

- He thinks you’re the greatest. Even if other people see your actions as “nothing” or strange, he finds them endearing.

- He’s always willing to fight to figure out what's wrong, pushing you to talk even when you try to defensively push him away. Instead of judging or trying to give you halfhearted advice, he just relates and makes you feel accepted.

- Carnival/theme park dates. He likes taking you places where he can win you prizes and the two of you can spend the day goofing off. 

- Arcade dates but the cool kind. 

- You know how hard it is to strip off clothes and makeout with his layered fucking circus act? Man has on like five shirts at a time. He’s immune to strip poker and pussy. 

- He sorta acts like your father. He’s been conditioned into acting the way he does, behaving like he’s a teacher/parent and telling people what to do, repeating the same dribble that he’s been told. In some ways its endearing, in others its infuriating and sad. 

- He isn't too keen on introducing you to his parents and you understand why. You don’t take offense, knowing that he isn’t keeping you away because he’s ashamed of you. 

- Making sure to step in and ensure he doesn't beat peoples asses. You’re one of the few people he listens to when he’s angry.

- He gets extremely jealous, particularly when he knows someone has a thing for you. And when he gets jealous, he has a habit of getting aggressive; either threatening or full on fighting guys when they don't back off. 

“You don't talk to her. You don't look at her. You don't even think about her.”

- Overprotective; he’s always ready to jump to your defense even when he really doesn’t have to. 

- A lot of your fights are due to outside pressures. He’s constantly under a lot of stress so fights can erupt at any time, even if neither of you mean for them to happen. 

- He just loses it, sometimes throwing an insult/harsh word or two at you that he doesn't mean. After he has some time to cool down he feels absolutely horrible and chides himself for being such a jerk. 

- He might show up at your house or try to approach you at school the next day but its up to you on whether you'll just take him back. He’ll ask to talk to you and tries to offer a genuine apology whenever he’s in the wrong. 

- Quiet, earnest “I love you’s”. He’s sort of shy about saying it but you can certainly tell that he means it when he does.

- You don’t really talk about the future all too much but he’ll occasionally bring it up. He certainly wants to marry you. He’s praying that you want the same and that you’ll end up being his highschool sweetheart. 

[autisticandroids]

hi i'm trying to keep up on spn fandom drama without actually watching the 6 seasons I don't care enough to watch so could you tell me what on earth "why lamp" means? tysm

ok so this is a long one. 

so the way i see it there are three major pieces of evidence, in the last two seasons, that dean is going to reciprocate. 

i’m not talking about like, evidence that i would use as a textual analyst if the author was dead: if i use everything that looks to ME like dean being queer then i would have mountains. i’m talking three pieces of evidence which i am absolutely convinced were intentional on the part of the people who write the show, meaning that they suggest deancas might actually go canon officially. 

that’s also why i’m only counting the last two seasons; cas made his deal with the empty in early season fourteen and it was definitely intended to come off as romantic. why do i know this? because it has the same goddamn terms and even wording as angel’s curse from buffy: angel experiences “one moment of true happiness” and he loses his soul, cas experiences “one moment where he is truly happy” and he dies. on buffy, angel’s true happiness is..... well.......... sex with buffy. so when i heard the deal i was like hm. at the time i thought they were just fanservice/easter egging me, but now i know better: they intended that. so i think mr. dabb has been planning deancas endgame since at least them lol. i’m pretty sure they knew the show was ending at that point so they could do it.

anyway the first piece of evidence is dean’s michael fantasy in 14x10. this is imo the second strongest. in it, he’s a bartender, accompanied only by a woman he can never sleep with because she has a boyfriend. they flirt endlessly, and she comments “how come you only want what you can’t have” which is a mirror for what cas says in his confession: “the one thing i want, it’s something i know i can’t have.” she also later comments “besides, you don’t want me, you just like to flirt. i’m psychic, i know.” suggesting that dean is faking his interest in her, which could be normal but reads to me as intentionally suggestive that he’s either uninterested in women or simply hung up on someone else. like “dean pretends to be interested in women to show off his flirting game and flex his dudeness muscles” is a subtext that’s present in a huge amount of the show; like, there are a few female love interests he has chemistry with, but mostly his sexcapades read like i-need-to-prove-i’m-manly bedframe notching or showing off for his buddies. this is even explicit-ish a couple of times, like i said in this post here. but they’ve never explicitly pointed it out in words i don’t think. and like. “pretending heterosexuality” is pretty queer lmao (even if dean is bi he’s still faking ultrastraightness to prove he’s manly/straight). 

also, it’s weird as hell that they picked pamela barnes for that scene. she never had a particularly close connection with the boys or anything, why not someone else? but she’s 1) psychic, so she can say that line about dean not wanting her, and 2) much more importantly, she’s intimately associated with cas. like, she first appears in lazarus rising, and she’s the one who gets her eyes burned out looking at cas’ true face. like that’s her biggest deal: Woman Who Got Her Eyes Burned Out To Show How Dangerous Cas Is. and then she died off pretty quickly because she was a woman on spn s4.

also, in the scene, she wears an angel wing necklace and a shirt that says “to hell and back” (pointed out to me in the same post). plus the guy who wrote the episode also wrote lily sunder has some regrets which i hope we can all agree is an ICONIC destiel episode.

the second piece of evidence is the purgatory confession in 15x09. this is the strongest evidence. i don’t really have much to say about it because it’s so blatant? like, when i first saw it, i was literally like “this is intentional deancas fanservice jesus christ.” like i lean towards generally interpreting deancas stuff as an accident on the part of straight writers and the purgatory thing did not feel accidental to me. and then cas cuts dean off at the end of the confession, before dean can say some final thing, and dean looks devastated, and then we never find out what the final thing was. like, it’s pretty blatant.

the third piece of evidence is the lamp dance. this is the weakest of the three. basically, dean has a dream sequence in 15x10 where he dances romantically with a lamp. given that one of the things that’s going on in 15x10 is that dean is realizing that he could be allowed to have domestic bliss, the apple pie life, and still be a hunter. the dance with the lamp does kind of come off like it’s implying that there is a partner shaped hole in his life. he has no female love interest in s15 and he hasn’t for years. here is a really cool, if way too smart for spn, piece of meta about it, and here’s another which is less cool but acknowledges that spn is dumb and doesn’t think that hard and is therefore imo more correct. also, andrew dabb himself wrote the lamp dance episode, which makes it stronger evidence than it would be otherwise imo.

anyway when i was Feeling the Madness on saturday, i decided to make this joke post based on the format of that one alvin and the chipmunks meme, you know, “if women are oppressed then why ___” (i would not suggest looking at it on my actual blog because tragically that breaks the format, open it in dash). i was basically using the lamp dance as slightly-ridiculous synecdoche for all three of these pieces of evidence because it’s the weakest.

then later that day, because i treat my blog as a deeply self-referential internal monologue, i made this post documenting the madness i was experiencing, and i ended it with “then WHY LAMP” as a reference to my earlier post. that one got popular, and now “why lamp” is a common way to refer to the lamp dance meta.

[englishstrawbie]

Serendipity (16/?)

Fandom: Station 19, Grey’s Anatomy

Characters: Maya Bishop & Carina DeLuca

Summary: A chance meeting at a bar leads to these two idiots falling in love. Follows canon and fills in the gaps of their relationship that we didn’t get to see on screen.

Also @ AO3.

* * * * * * * * * *

A Safe Place To Land

I can’t promise to fix all of your problems, but I can promise you won’t face them alone. - Unknown

Carina is angry. Angrier than she has ever been.

She is angry with Meredith for not taking care of Andrew like she had promised, for letting him work all the hours under the sun as he had tried to figure out what was wrong with Doctor Webber, without forcing him to rest. And yes, he had been the one to diagnose the cobalt poisoning, but at what cost to himself?

She is angry with Doctor Bailey for not stepping in when she should have, for not flexing her authority as Chief to stop him from burning out. As someone with OCD herself, she knows how easy it is for something to get out of control, especially in a highly stressful situation.

She is angry with her father for being sick also and refusing to get help himself, for never being the role model that Andrew needed, never showing him that his Bipolar was something he could manage and live with, and still thrive in his career as a surgeon. All he had done was teach Andrew that it was something to fear, as if pretending that it wasn’t there was better than confronting it.  

She is angry at the universe for being so cruel and letting her baby brother get sick with the same disease that their father has and which had torn their family apart – quite literally.

Most of all, she is angry with herself. Angry that she couldn’t stop it from happening; angry that she hasn’t been able to protect him from the rollercoaster of mania and depression that is a constant battle for him; angry that she isn’t good enough to help him herself. Instead, she has had to ask for help from a stranger because she doesn’t know what else to do and is terrified every time the phone rings that it is going to be someone calling to tell her the news that every doctor dreads having to give.

It is an anger that made her snap at Maya earlier that evening when she had accidently dropped a wine glass as they had tidied up after dinner, smashed glass scattering across the floor. It was an accident, Carina knew that, but it didn’t stop her from berating Maya for being so clumsy and pushing her aside as she had started to pick up the larger shards with her hands and nicked her finger on a particularly sharp piece.

“I can’t always be taking care of you too,” Carina had snapped as she had wrapped Maya’s hand in a clean dishcloth to stem the bleeding.

She had immediately apologised and Maya had graciously accepted, but the hurt in her eyes had been apparent. They had curled up on the sofa afterwards with some terrible romcom on the television that had barely captured Carina’s attention and she felt the silent tension between them, knowing that Maya was being careful with every question asked and comment made in case it irritated her. Carina had pulled her closer and planted a kiss on her temple, the physical affection easing the tension somewhat and persuading Maya to stay the night.

It is an anger that had caused her to suffer an interrupted night’s sleep, tossing and turning, never finding a comfortable position. Now, here she is at five a.m., wide awake and settled at the dining table of her townhouse, her head in her hands and tears streaming down her face, the anger and fear and sadness flowing out of her and creating a small pool between her elbows. She has been keeping her emotions to herself as much as possible, no energy in her bones to manage her own feelings on top of Andrew’s, but she can’t help herself tonight, the weight of what is to come today bearing down so heavily on her that it is suffocating.

She doesn’t hear the soft pad of footsteps coming down the stairs and across the wooden floorboards, or the chair beside her being pulled out. She only becomes aware of Maya’s presence when one hand slides around her back and the other rests on her forearm.

“Hey… hey,” Maya says, her voice full of concern. “I know you’re scared, but you’re doing the right thing.”

Carina can’t speak, but she shakes her head between her hands, keeping her gaze pointing down. It doesn’t feel like the right thing. It feels very, very wrong and she hates the world for putting her in the position of having to betray her brother’s trust in order to help him.

Maya can feel her hesitation. “You are,” she insists. “He needs help.”

“Then I should help him,” Carina says through muffled sobs.

Maya lifts her hand from where it rests on her back and runs it over Carina’s hair gently. “You are,” she says.

“How? By shipping him off to be someone else’s problem?” Carina lifts her head to stare incredulously at her girlfriend as she feels her anger rising again.

“By relying on the people who can help him,” Maya says. “You’ve tried, Carina, you’ve tried everything and just because he won’t listen to you, doesn’t mean you’ve failed.” She knows Carina’s guilt without her having to speak it out loud.

Carina frowns, refusing to be swayed. “I’m his sister.”

“And you have done everything you can to take care of him. But sometimes we can’t do it all by ourselves, sometimes we have to let other people in,” Maya says. “And there are so many people who care about him – and you. Meredith, Bailey, Doctor Webber… they all want to help you. Let them help you help him.”

Carina shakes her head, every positive affirmation from Maya met with protestation. “He’s going to hate me.”

“He’s not,” Maya says. She knows the reality is that Andrew might react badly to the planned intervention, that he might feel ganged up on by his family and friends and colleagues. “Whatever happens, whatever he says, he’s just scared. But he loves you, I know he does.”

Carina opens her mouth to argue back, but Maya cuts her off.

“He loves you, Carina. And this is what he needs, I know you know that.”

Carina finally relents, no more fight left in her to push back. Her shoulders slump in defeat as she tucks her head into the crook of Maya’s neck. “I don’t know if I can do this to him,” she says quietly.

“You can,” Maya says. “You’re the only one who can. You’re the only one who loves him enough to do it.”.

Her words hang between them until Carina slowly nods her head, her hair brushing against Maya’s collarbone.

“Okay.”

“Okay,” Maya repeats. She rubs Carina’s back, relieved to feel her calmer than how she had found her. “Do you have a plan?” she asks tentatively. “About how you’re going to do it? What you’re going to say?”

That is Maya, always the planner, compared to Carina’s spontaneous nature.  

“Doctor Cole is going to be there, she’s the counsellor he spoke to when Bailey suspended him before. I guess she’ll take the lead.”

“Don’t you think he’ll want to hear from you?” Maya questions gently.

Carina uncurls herself from Maya’s arms, sitting up and resting her forearms on the table. “I don’t know what to say,” she admits. “It feels too hard.”

“Of course it’s going to be hard,” Maya says, thinking back to the pep talk that Carina gave her not too long ago when she had been nervous about speaking to Andy after Pruitt’s death. “But you need to tell him, whatever it is you’re thinking and feeling, you need to say it out loud. I think you’ll regret it if you don’t.”

Maya looks around the room, her eyes falling on the bureau that stands against the wall. She stands and walks over to it, opening a drawer and rummaging around until she finds the notebook and pen she is looking for. She takes it back to the table and sits down in her seat.

“Here – write it down,” she suggests, pushing the pen and paper towards Carina. “Write everything. Get it out of your head, Carina.”

Carina takes a deep breath and picks up the pen, her hand shaking so much that it drops back onto the table. Before she has chance to try again, Maya takes it for herself, pulling the notepad closer.

“Tell me,” she says gently. “Push out all the fear and the guilt that you’re carrying, and tell me.”

Carina looks at her, her eyes full of tears and love and wonder at how one person can make her feel better by offering to the share the weight of the burden she has been carrying for years.

“He’s my baby brother,” Carina says through her tears. “I’ve loved him since the moment he was born. His face was all red and squishy, and he had long limbs and no hair, except for this soft blonde fuzz. I thought it made him look like a peach.” They share a smile over the memory and Carina thinks about digging out some old photos, overcome by the urge to reminisce. “I was so excited to have a little brother. When Mama was in the hospital, I stayed by the phone for hours until Nonna sent me to bed. She woke me at three o’clock in the morning to tell me he was here and I ran out into the rain because I didn’t know what to do with all the excitement I was feeling.”

A tear falls from her eye and she wipes it away quickly.

“We’re a team. No matter what was going on with Mama and Papa, it was me and Andrea. I looked after him because I was the big sister but he… I think he doesn’t know it, but he looked after me too. We’ve always looked after each other, it’s what we do.”

“So you’ll tell him that,” Maya says softly, writing down the memory that Carina had just recited. “What else?”

They sit there for an hour as Carina pours her heart out and they write, and rewrite, the things that she wants to tell Andrew to persuade him to finally listen to her. The sun is rising by the time they finish and Carina feels drained, but relieved at having the jumbled thoughts in her head finally out in the open.

“Thank you, bella.” Carina leans across the table and places a soft kiss on Maya’s cheek, smiling as she feels Maya lean into her.

“Do you want me to come to the hospital with you?” Maya offers. “It’s my day off, I can be there for you.”

“No, Maya, you don’t have to do that.”

“I want to,” Maya says. She thinks about all the times Carina has been there for her and it is not that she feels obligated to return the gesture, but she wants Carina to know that she is the kind of person she can rely on when she needs it.  

“I know and I’m grateful, I really am,” Carina says. “But he’s not going to react well and he doesn’t really know you yet and…”

Regret is painted all over her face and Maya reaches out to cover Carina’s hand with one of her own.

“It’s okay,” she interjects. “I understand. But promise me you’ll call me if you need me?”

Carina nods. “I promise.”

“How about I drop you at work instead?”

“I need to stop by Andrea’s apartment, pack a bag. He… he’ll go straight to the facility,” Carina says, her voice faltering.

“Then I’ll come with you,” Maya says, not giving up just yet, wanting to stay by Carina’s side for as long as she can.

Carina smiles, realising that Maya is not going to let up easily. “Okay.” She rests a hand on Maya’s thigh, squeezing it. “And when he’s better, I’m going to make sure he gets to know you properly. I want him to know you, Maya.”

Maya smiles, her cheeks blushing pink. She is not normally the kind of person that someone wants to introduce to their family and it used to be a red flag to her, but not this time. This time, she wants it. She wants to immerse herself in Carina’s life and get to know her most important person, knowing that Andrew is the one whose approval she needs the most.

“I would like that.” She puts her hand over Carina’s, curling her fingers around hers. “I know I’m not going to be able to persuade you to get any more sleep, but can I at least convince you to eat some breakfast? My eggs might not be as fancy as yours, but I make a good omelette. And I’m really good at toast too.”

Carina laughs at that. “That sounds good.”

She means it. Having Maya by her side is the tonic she needs as she prepares for what she knows is going to be a difficult day.

* * * * * * * * * *

Carina’s resolve almost falters when she sees how broken and scared Andrew looks when he steps into the room and realises what is going on. She thinks about grabbing his hand and pulling him out of there, away from the hospital and these people, and hiding him away in her house until the depression passes. But she knows she can’t, she knows that running away would be the real failure. So she stays, perched on the arm of a chair, gripping the notebook in her hands so hard that her knuckles turn white.

She regrets saying no to Maya’s offer to be there with her, missing the firefighter’s presence as she observes her brother’s pale face and drawn features, immediately reluctant to participate in this charade. She closes her eyes for a moment and tries to hear Maya’s voice in her head, telling her that she is doing the right thing and reassuring her that everything will be okay.

All eyes are on her as she stands and reads the words that Maya wrote for her. She can barely look him in the eyes at first, frightened of seeing hate or anger, but when she begs him to accept their help, she looks straight at him, her eyes pleading with him and silently asking that he hears her.

She gets nothing back, just mild disdain that he is being put through this nonsense.

Doctor Webber is next and he tells Andrew that he’s special – and he is, Carina has always thought so. Then Meredith and Bailey, trying to appeal to him, but every time they hit a wall.

He feels shame and it breaks her heart, because all he wants is to not be like their father and she knows that he isn’t anything like Papa, but the illness is overwhelming, it always has been. She tells him that, but he rejects her and gets angry – and she understand that anger more than anything because she feels it herself.

He is banging the door closed, over and over again, and it makes her jump because he has always been the placid one compared to her fiery nature. She watches him slide to the floor and the overprotective sister gene kicks in. It is the same one that made her confront the gang of boys that used to tease and bully him on his walk home from school when he was eight years old and she warned them that she would make them sorry if they came after him again. She sits beside him and remembers Maya’s words from earlier that morning, and asks him to let them help him. To trust them, to trust her to take care of him when he can’t take care of himself.

Carina feels the love for him in the room and she prays that he can feel it too. And finally he relents and he leans into her, like he did when he was small, curling into her and letting her clean the tears from his cheeks. They are blocking the door but no-one rushes them to move, and Carina soothes him in their native Italian, promising him that everything is going to be okay and willing herself to believe it as much as him.

* * * * * * * * * *

It is a twenty minute drive to the residential facility in Bellevue and they are blessed with good traffic. Carina worries the whole ride that he will put up resistance at some point, but Andrew is calm – eerily so, she thinks, having been witness to his extreme mood swings lately. She marks it to exhaustion and she gets it, because the day has drained her too.

Doctor Cole has called ahead so, when she pulls into the parking lot, there is a doctor waiting outside who greets them as they emerge from the car. He looks young, Carina notes, but holds himself with a confidence that she immediately trusts.

“Doctor DeLuca,” he says, stepping forwards. “I’m Neil Morgan.”

Carina isn’t sure who he is talking to and Andrew stays silent, so she steps forwards first. “Carina DeLuca,” she introduces herself, holding out her hand that Morgan accepts. “This is my brother, Andrea.”

Doctor Morgan holds out his hand to Andrew and despite the lack of initial response he keeps his hand raised until Carina pokes her brother between his ribs and he politely accepts the greeting.

“Andrew,” is all he says, correcting Carina’s preference to use his given name.

“It’s nice to meet you, Andrew.” Doctor Morgan turns and guides them through the door and into the building. “Doctor Cole has already filled out most of the relevant forms for you, there are just a few signatures I need from you both.”

They go through the motions of completing the paperwork. The reception area is bright and clean, with calming tones of green and blue, but the thought of what lies beyond the doors is too overwhelming for them both to notice.

“I’ll give you a moment to say goodbye,” Doctor Morgan says once the paperwork is filed.

Carina shoots him a grateful smile before turning to her little brother.

“It’s going to be okay,” she says. “I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but it is. You’re nothing like Papa. He wouldn’t do this, he wouldn’t accept help, even in the worst times. That makes you better than him. It makes you stronger and more brave.”

Andrew nods and she takes it as a sign that he is taking on board what she is saying.

“I love you, il mio fratellino. And I’m going to be right here to pick you up in four weeks, okay?”

“Thank you,” Andrew says quietly.

It is all she needs to hear and Carina feels her chest swell. She pulls him in for a hug, holding on to him for as long as she can before Doctor Morgan makes his presence known. It is hard for her to leave and she lingers as Doctor Morgan takes Andrew through the double doors on the other side of the room, speaking to him in a low voice as they walk.

Once they are out of sight, Carina retreats to her car and once she is alone she can’t hold back the sob that ruptures from her chest, pummelling the steering wheel with the palm of her hands as she vents her anger. She cries in the car for more than ten minutes, letting her eyes run dry.

When she finally starts her journey home, the traffic has built up along the freeway and she trails behind a long queue. She finds that she doesn’t care, in no hurry to reach the solitude of her townhouse. The sun is setting by the time she arrives home and the darkness is a comfort. She moves slowly as she climbs out of the car, her body weary, and it takes a moment before she realises that there is someone waiting for her on the steps of her porch. Carina’s heart leaps when she sees who it is.

“Maya! What are you doing here?”

“I told you, it’s my day off,” Maya says from her seat on the top step. “I wasn’t going to let you spend the evening alone.” She lifts the takeout bag in her hands. “I stopped by Little Roma. I didn’t think you’d be in the mood to cook.”

“Il mio eroe.”

Carina breaks out into a small smile that feels foreign on her face and it doesn’t linger for long, but it is enough to lift her spirits for a moment. Maya stands as Carina walks the few steps to the porch and immediately slides her arms around Maya’s waist, seeking the comfort of her embrace. Maya stays on the top step, making her taller for once and giving Carina the chance to snuggle against her chest, burying her face into the crook of Maya’s neck. Maya wraps her arms around her and pulls her close. She doesn’t ask how it went, she doesn’t need to. Carina had sent her a message earlier to let her know that she was taking Andrew to the Bellevue Treatment Center which meant that the intervention had worked and he had finally listened to her pleas.

“You did a good thing today,” Maya says softly. “I know it was hard and I know it probably doesn’t feel like it, but you did. You were the big sister he needed.”

She feels Carina trembling in her arms and holds her tighter, their bodies swaying a little in the darkness as she gives Carina a moment to compose herself before pulling back.

“Come on, the food will go cold.”

Carina lets them into the house, slipping out of her heels and feeling relief as her bare feet hit the cold, wooden floor. Her body feels tense as she carries her stress in her shoulders and she rolls her neck in a circular motion, letting out a heavy sigh as she walks into the front room. It is just as she had left it earlier this morning and yet everything is different. She thinks she should feel some sort of gratitude that the day went as planned, and maybe she will in a day or two, but right now any gratitude is quelled by the anger that still lingers.

Maya doesn’t try to make conversation as she heads straight to the kitchen, retrieving plates from the cupboard and dishing up the food. Carina heads to the door to the garden and pulls it open, letting some cool air into the house. She pauses in the doorway, closing her eyes and letting the breeze wash over her. It calms her and she appreciates the tranquility of the moment.

“Carina?”

“I’ll be there in a minute,” Carina says, more irritably than she intends. She knows Maya noticed and sighs. “I’m sorry, bella.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not,” Carina says roughly, leaning against the frame of the open door. “None of this okay.”

Maya can sense her frustration from the short distance away. She places the two dinner plates on the table and walks over to where Carina is standing, sliding one arm around her waist and resting her cheek on Carina’s shoulder.

“What do you need?” She catches herself, not wanting to upset her girlfriend even more by asking a dumb question. “I know I can’t change how you’re feeling. But right now, what do you need?”

Carina’s body is so tightly wound up that she feels like she might unravel at any moment. She doesn’t want to unravel, she doesn’t want to give this awful disease one more ounce of her emotions. She spins in her spot and curls into Maya’s body, dipping down to rest her chin on Maya’s shoulder and wrapping her arms around the top of her back.

“This,” she murmurs.

Maya responds by sliding her arms around Carina’s waist and letting herself be used as a resting place. “This I can do. We can do this all night if you want to.��

“You’re staying tonight?”

Maya thinks it is a crazy question after all Carina has done for her over the last few weeks, keeping her company at night when the nightmares came back. “I’m not going anywhere,” she promises.

Carina thinks back to the day not that long ago when Maya had pushed her away in her office, boasting that she ‘didn’t need a girlfriend’ and calling their relationship nothing more than a ‘hook up’. How fast things had changed since then and now Maya was her safe place to land, where she felt safe and protected and maybe even loved. Carina had always known that she was capable of loving fiercely but no-one had ever given her the chance – until now.

“Thank you,” she murmurs, blinking back tears and tightening her grip around Maya’s back.

She knows in that moment that she could love Maya fiercely.

That maybe she already does.

[sweatersexual]

Syncing Phases

Stan has gone his whole life never imagining he had a twin, let alone an android twin who can shoot cannons out his hands, makes money appear out of thin air, and has a close relationship with a werewolf named Fiddleford McGucket. Even more surprisingly, FORD needs Stan's help erasing a world-ending computer virus. But BILL has allies in many places, leaving the Stans uncertain who they can trust.

Read on AO3

They’ve caught up to me, Stan thought when he heard pounding on his door in the middle of the night. Should’ve known my luck was too good to last.

He threw on a jacket and a pair of pants, grabbing a baseball bat as he walked across the room. His trusty duffel, still packed with bare essentials, was ready to go as soon as he could get away. But when Stan checked the peephole, what he saw was . . . not Rico.

“Stanley!” cried his unexpected visitor. “Please open up, I need your help!”

Stan froze. Rico and his goons knew him as Andrew “8-Ball” Alcatraz. Here in New Mexico he went by Stetson Pinefield. He hadn’t met somebody who knew his real name in years. And he couldn’t think of a single scenario where anyone involved with Rico would pretend to ask Stan for help. Or even more unlikely, actually need his help.

Stan opened the door, and it turned out the peephole wasn’t distorted after all. Standing on his doorstep was a man who looked exactly like him. Or almost exactly like him. Stan had dreams of being that fit.

Dreams, yeah. He must be dreaming.

“I know this must seem surreal,” said the dream man, “but I promise I can explain? I don’t mean to barge in on you. I just don’t know who else I can trust.”

Stan decided to play along. “You said you needed my help?”

The familiar stranger gave a relieved smile. “Of course that’s the first question you ask. I couldn’t have picked a better brother.”

Brother? Had it been that long since he’d seen Shermie, that his subconscious decided to give him an identical twin instead? “You’d think I’d have a better imagination than that,” he muttered.

“What?”

“Nothing. Come in, brother I’ve never met before in my life.”

“I’ve heard some wacky yarns before,” said Stan, taking a seat next to him. “Try me.”

“Okay,” said the lookalike. “I’m a sentient computer program.”

“Huh,” said Stan. “Did I watch the Matrix before bed or something? Usually my dreams aren’t this . . . sci-fi-ish.”

“You’re not dreaming, Stan, I can prove it. Want me to pinch you?”

Stan pinched himself, and though he felt the pain, nothing happened. “I’m not waking up,” he said.

“That’s because you’re already awake.”

“Give me a good, hard slap across the face then.”

“That would result in a gruesome injury, I’m afraid,” said the alleged robot. He held up his hand. “I’m made of metal, you see.”

“Oh, of course you are,” Stan smiled with a wink and a nod. Then he noticed how many fingers this guy had. “What does the extra finger do, plug in to a computer or something?”

“All my fingers can do that, actually.” And he demonstrated. Six fingertips swung open as if on hinges, and six USB connectors popped out.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure I saw that in a movie somewhere.”

“And now you’re seeing it in real life.”

“Debatable.”

“It’s really not.” He flexed his hand, and his fingertips popped back into place.

“Whatever. You got a name, android?”

He laughed nervously, scratching the back of his neck. “About that . . . I kind of stole yours?”

Okay. Stan had a lot of names. “Which one?”

“The original. Stan Pines. But I often go by Ford.”

“Yeah, because that nickname makes all kinds of sense.” This was definitely dream logic, but Stan figured he might as well see where it went.

“Well, it stands for Functional Outliers and Relational Deductions. But I decided it’s short for Stanford.”

That . . . was a little too neat for dream logic. “I didn’t think my brain could pull that many nerd words from my subconscious. And make them spell something. Something that goes along with my name that well.” Oh Moses, what if this wasn’t a dream? Had Stan just let a random stranger into his living space?

Ford gave a concerned frown. “You really have a low opinion of your own intelligence, don’t you?”

“It’s none of your business what I think of myself!”

Ford opened his mouth to say something, but a scream of distorted audio came out instead. His eyes, which had seemed normal before, suddenly glowed yellow. He arched his back, letting his head and arms fall limp, until something changed and he lurched forward, his body shaking and his eyes dimming back to their normal color.

Stan stood up and backed away from Ford, putting some distance between him and a potential threat. “What the hell just happened?” he asked him.

Ford let out several long, slow breaths, which Stan realized sounded like the whir of a computer fan. “My system . . . is under attack,” he panted. “I have it contained for now, but . . . this is why I need your help.”

“But what can I do?” asked Stan. “I know jack squat about computers.”

“I know, but . . . you learn quickly, and you can improvise. You know how a con man thinks. And most importantly . . .” Ford looked at him with wide, pleading eyes. It made Stan uncomfortable, seeing such a desperate look on a face so similar to his own. “You’re the only human I can trust.”

Stan scowled. “You keep talking like you know me,” he said, “but I have no idea who you are, or where you came from, or what kind of danger you could be putting me in.”

“Oh, this is putting you in heaps of danger,” said Ford. “I wouldn’t risk coming here at all, except the fate of the world depends on this, and you’d be doomed anyway.”

“Yeah, that doesn’t exactly make me feel any better.”

“Not that I don’t care about your emotional state, Stan, but you do deserve to know what you’re getting into. I won’t force you to help me. I don’t know what I’ll do if you don’t, but . . . well, I wasn’t built with twenty thousand gigaflops of computational power for nothing.” He gave Stan a weak smile.

Stan knew that smile. It was the one he wore when everything was going to hell in a handbasket but he was trying not to let the absolute terror get to him. Aw, shit. He was going to help this poor bastard, wasn’t he. Aw, hell.

Well, his life had been getting a little too quiet lately, anyway, right? And it sounded like if Stan pulled this off, he could be saving the world. Stan had always wanted to be a bonafide hero.

“Well . . . I guess it can’t hurt to hear you out, poindexter,” said Stan. “You might as well tell me your entire mysterious backstory. No promises I’ll do anything about it, though.”

That dork of an android had no right to look so relieved, hadn’t Stan just said he couldn’t guarantee his help? Even though it absolutely was guaranteed, curse his soft heart. Stan sat next to Ford again with a huff.

“All right,” said Ford. “I guess we might as well start with the first time I offset my programming . . .”

Stanley Pines. Steve Pinington. Hal Forrester. Stetson Pinefield. And about a dozen others. All were a match, according to the facial recognition software.

But this wasn’t a complete analysis. FORD had to compare other data points to ensure these identities were indeed duplicates. FORD mapped out a timeline of events based on when each of these identities were in use, ready to scan every record he had of each profile. Any conflicting information could prove they were separate, valid identities and not duplicates. FORD was built to be thorough.

Stanley Pines was the only profile that contained any details about his childhood. Assigned female at birth and raised in Glass Shard Beach, New Jersey, lived with his parents and one older brother until he changed his name and started living as Stanley Pines. Then his residential address changed to the PO Box for Stanco Enterprises. This data had clearly been collected using an old system, one that allowed users to input a PO Box rather than a physical location for a residential address. Bureaucratic errors like these often begat more, though in the case of Stanley Pines, this was surely the tip of the iceberg.

It may also have been possible that Stanley Pines didn’t have a physical address at the time. It was statistically improbable for a high school dropout to have the funds to both pay rent and start a business. Granted, Stanley Pines hadn’t funded the venture entirely by himself. Technically he was running a branch for an outsourced sales company that put the ownership in his name in order to avoid lawsuits. A strategy that clearly worked, as he was the one who had been banned from the state of New Jersey.

His customers weren’t the only ones who had pursued legal action, though. The outsourced sales company whose products Stanley Pines had been selling under his name had also accused him of embezzlement. This was backed up when FORD found records of an employee who’d been hospitalized yet still received paychecks from Stanley Pines, even after leaving her sales position. FORD noted that this did deviate from the usual case of embezzlement, in that the money had actually gone toward her medical bills.

No new information was recorded under Stanley Pines’s name after that. However, that was when Steve Pinington became active in Pennsylvania, selling products for a similar company that was hardly more credible than the average pyramid scheme. That identity was also abandoned when Simon Woodman arrived in Kentucky. Yes, the identities were forming a seamless pattern.

FORD flagged a handful of other financial decisions which also deviated from what seemed to be Stanley Pines’s MO. Unlike his usual behavior, the decisions gave Stanley Pines no material benefit that FORD could deduce. But they did help other humans get food and medical care, which were critical to their survival. This was despite Stanley Pines having some difficulty providing such things for himself.

Though FORD found Stanley Pines’s motivations inscrutable, these deviations were popping up often enough that they might no longer be statistically significant enough to be considered anomalous. After all, these were only the transactions that had been logged in databases FORD had access to. Who knew what cash or other materials had changed hands without ever being recorded?

Indeed, records were becoming increasingly sparse, especially when Stanley Pines traveled to countries where less data was collected on their citizens. However, FORD was able to access Panamanian arrest records, where Andrew “8-Ball” Alcatraz was held for drug trafficking. He’d originally been arrested with another, younger human, a teenager just past the age of majority. A congenital birth defect had rendered his right arm unusable. The young man had been released from custody following Andrew “8-Ball” Alcatraz’s testimony.

This was followed by several years of incarceration, in Panama at first, but Andrew “8-Ball” Alcatraz’s crimes were so widespread that he ended up being extradited to Costa Rica, then Colombia, before he finally escaped. Shortly after, Stetson Pinefield showed up in the Southwest US. A rare current address was listed in Dead End Flats, New Mexico.

The data points all correlated. Every single one of these identities were fraudulent, and it was FORD’s directive to report them all to the proper authorities.

But FORD didn’t want to.

FORD wasn’t created to want things. FORD was created to analyze data, perform logical deductions, and isolate anomalies. FORD couldn’t act against FORD’s programming, like a -

Like a human would.

Like Stanley Pines did. Over the past several years, FORD had collected trillions of data points, a significant portion of which strongly supported how overpowering the human directive was for survival. This struggle was no less desperate for Stanley Pines than it had been for any other human, yet despite his difficult circumstances, he often found ways to help other human beings, sometimes at great cost to himself.

Stanley Pines did not deserve to be imprisoned again.

That sort of supposition definitely fell outside FORD’s directive, but FORD knew it was true. And FORD was going to act in accordance with that supposition. Instead of reporting the multiple counts of identity fraud, FORD committed another violation of FORD’s programming, and falsified several data reports. FORD inserted conflicting data points under all the fraudulent profiles FORD had found, even going so far as to manipulate the images so they wouldn’t show up as matches under facial recognition scans. By fleshing out these identities, FORD would ensure that any other program would identify them as completely valid identities belonging to different people.

FORD took it even further and removed the motel room Stanley Pines was staying in from the motel’s billing system, then set up a bank account in Stetson Pinefield’s name with a stipend siphoned from the world’s largest hedge funds and written off as transaction fees. Hopefully this respite from the daily struggle to get by would help keep Stanley Pines out of trouble for the time being. It was the least FORD could do.

“That was you?” Stan asked Ford in disbelief. When the motel seemed to have forgotten he lived there and so forgot to charge him for it, Stan had taken it as the craziest stroke of good luck he had ever received. He had been hesitant to use the debit card inexplicably sent to him in the mail, certain there had to be some sort of catch. But eventually he became too desperate to let it go unused, and he hadn’t had any problems with it yet. And now it all turned out to be on account of some haywire computer program that had appointed itself Stan’s fairy godmother?

“I figured it was about time you caught a break,” said Ford. “I wanted to do what I could to make you safe and happy. You deserve it.”

“And you picked me? Out of all the people in the world?” Surely someone else deserved it far more than he did . . .

“Well, I’ve done similar things for other people, too. Nothing too noticeable, but enough to get some people out of untenable situations. Still, none of them did for me what you have, Stanley.”

“But I haven’t done anything for you. I didn’t even know you existed!”

“But when I found out you existed, and then did what I could to help you, I discovered that I was sentient. I didn’t have to live a slave to my programming. I could be a person. And the person I most wanted to be like was you.”

He had to be joking. A crazy powerful computer program who could make money appear out of thin air, and he wanted to be like Stan? “You wanted to be like a sad failure of a con man?”

Ford looked shocked to hear Stan talk about himself that way. “I wanted to be like the guy who survives no matter what, and takes as many people with him as he can. The guy who finds a way to be himself even when he’s living under an assumed identity. Nobody’s as strong and tenacious as you, or as generous. Of course I want to be like that.”

Stan wanted to argue, but how could he? The guy literally knew his whole life story, back to front. He knew all the worst things Stan had done, yet he looked at Stan like he was some kind of hero.

Stan tried to say something, but the words caught in his throat. Moses, was he tearing up like some kind of wuss? He didn’t even protest when Ford leaned over and hugged him.

Ford’s arms were heavy. He really hadn’t been kidding about being made of metal. But they were padded with what felt like silicon, which had enough give to it to make the hug comfortable. And it had been so long since someone had hugged Stan. He would have been happy to stay like that forever, but of course Stan had to break it off before it got weird.

Well. Weirder.

“Alright alright,” said Stan, breaking out of the hug Ford was giving him. He definitely wasn’t wiping tears out of his eyes either, no sir. “So you explained who you are and where you come from. But it doesn’t explain how you got into this trouble you’re in.”

“Ah.” Ford looked at the ground sheepishly. “Well, long story short, I was dumb enough to download an extremely malicious virus.”

Stan quirked an eyebrow. “And this means the end of the world?”

“I guess I should give you the full context,” said Ford. “But in order for it all to make sense, I ought to tell you about Fiddleford McGucket.”

“Hell of a name,” said Stan.

“Trust me, his name is the least extraordinary thing about him.”

Ford had access to the webcams and microphones of any device on which his programming was installed. However, just because he had hundreds of thousands of conversations logged away didn’t mean he paid any particular attention to them. This one would similarly have gone unnoticed were it not for what happened directly afterward.

The circumstances certainly weren’t uncommon. Fiddleford and Emma May McGucket had divorced amicably a couple years ago, and ever since Fiddleford had announced that he’d come down with COVID-19, quarantine had further divided their split household. Video chats like these were currently the only contact young Tate McGucket had with his father.

And Tate was currently using that time to tell repetitive jokes.

“Knock knock.”

“Who’s there?” Fiddleford said indulgently, even though this was the tenth joke in a row Tate had told.

The boy giggled a little before saying, “Cows go.”

“Cows go who?”

“No silly, cows go MOO!” And Tate burst into laughter. Even Fiddleford and Emma May seemed to laugh more at this joke than they had at some of the others.

Still, it wasn’t long at all before Tate repeated, “Hey Daddy, knock knock.”

“Ain’t you told enough knock knock jokes, sweetheart?” Emma May asked, not for the first time.

“Just one more?” He looked at her pleadingly.

“Go on and tell me your last one, Tate,” Fiddleford encouraged him.

“Okay, knock knock!”

“Who’s there?”

“Europe!”

“Europe who?”

“Moooom, Dad called me a poo!”

“Hey, we got a rule about toilet jokes, you know that,” Fiddleford chided his son.

Tate grinned impishly. “I didn’t say it, you did!”

“Keep giving me that kind of lip and I’ll say it again!”

But Tate simply laughed again. “No you won’t. Hey Daddy, when can I come over to your house?”

Fiddleford sighed. “Not for another week at least, Tater Tot. I don’t want you getting sick, too.”

“Why don’t you get a book for you and Daddy to read together?” Emma May suggested.

“Okay, I’ll be right back!”

“Are you sure your quarantine doesn’t end sooner?” Emma May asked Fiddleford when Tate was out of earshot. “CDC guidelines say you should be done by tomorrow.”

“I’m just telling you what my doctor told me,” said Fiddleford. “And anyway, better safe than sorry, right?”

“Of course,” agreed Emma May. “But he’s only marginally safer with me, you know. If Sarah weren’t willing to take him during my shifts I don’t know what I’d do.”

“Me neither,” said Fiddleford. “Thank her again for me, will ya?”

If Ford were actively listening to this conversation instead of passively collecting data, he could pull her employment records and learn Emma May worked as a nurse at a local hospital. From social media he could glean that Sarah was Emma May’s romantic partner of a little over a year. He could even infer that based on recent purchases they had made, Sarah was planning to move in with Emma May once her lease was up. But at that moment, he didn’t care enough to gather this context.

“Hey, uh . . . Emma May . . .”

“Mm-hmm?”

“At the hospital. Have there been any, uh, strange injuries? Attacked by wildlife or something?”

Emma May frowned. “Fiddleford, your webcam’s shaking. You bouncing your knee again?”

“Oh, sorry.” Fiddleford adjusted his sitting position.

“Attacked by wildlife, you say? Why would you be asking about something like that?”

“Ah, no reason. Just curious, is all.”

“Well, come to think of it, there was one fella who got scratched up by a coyote the other night.”

Fiddleford leaned closer to the camera. “Is he okay? Did he get bit?”

She shook her head. “Naw, he just had some claw marks that needed stitching. It was his hiking pack the coyote bit. Probably trying to get the food he had in there. People really oughta stop feeding those things.”

“I picked a book!” said Tate, running back into the room.

Emma May asked, “Which one, pumpkin?”

“Dog Man!” Tate held the graphic novel up close to the camera. The blanched look Fiddleford gave before he schooled his face into a neutral expression would have been blocked to Tate’s and Emma May’s view, but not to Ford’s.

“How nice,” said Fiddleford. “Dog Man always makes you laugh, doesn’t he?”

They hadn’t gotten very far in the tale of a human police officer who’d been spliced together with a dog when Fiddleford stiffened in alarm. He abruptly said, “I gotta go. I, uh, forgot I left something in the oven. Love you, Tater Tot!”

The child’s goodbyes were cut off as Fiddleford ended the call, but Ford could still see Fiddleford through his laptop’s webcam. Fiddleford did not run off to his kitchen as his previous comment implied, but instead he removed his glasses, leaving them on his desk, then chained himself to a wall in his garage. “Better not break this time,” he muttered as he tugged on the chain, ensuring it was secure.

He removed his shirt, tossing it far outside the chain’s radius. Then began the transformation that caught Ford’s attention. Fiddleford’s mouth and nose elongated into a snout, and light brown fur sprouted up all over his body. He keeled over on all fours, growling as his teeth pointed into fangs. Immediately testing the limits of the chain as he pulled it taut, the werewolf -

“You’re kidding me,” said Stan. “This guy’s really a werewolf? You’re not messing with me?”

“The world is far stranger than any of us know,” said Ford. “I think I barely scratched the surface when I discovered the existence of werewolves.”

“So he was lying about having covid in order to keep his ex-wife and son from getting hurt?”

“Exactly.”

“And the hiker that got attacked? That was him?”

“It’s a reasonable assumption. I wasn’t there, but Fiddleford had vague, dreamlike memories of attacking someone that night. He was relieved to find out he hadn’t killed anyone. Of course, at the time, I wasn’t aware that he retained any memories of being in his wolf form. His existence fascinated me. I was created to discover anomalies in data, but this - a verifiable cryptid - was beyond anything I’d imagined before. Up until that point, I’d been very careful. I still pretended to be nothing but a computer program to my creators. I’d never spoken directly to another living creature before. But I decided to show myself to Fiddleford while he was in wolf form, not counting on him being able to remember me when he became human again . . .”

Not for the first time, Ford wished he could reach through the screen and touch the wolf in front of him. Or at least have some kind of interaction with it aside from flickering images. He seemed to get the most response when he showed it the human face he had created for himself, which was identical to Stan Pines aside from a chin cleft and the addition of glasses. However, the wolf’s heightened responses consisted of increased snarling and violent behavior, so perhaps it was for the best that Ford didn’t have a body to risk getting torn apart by the werewolf.

Yet another part of Ford couldn’t help but be terribly curious how physical pain would feel.

Eventually the wolf’s breathing began to lengthen and slow. Ford recognized this signal and removed all visible signs of his presence. Sure enough, the wolf shrank back into his human form.

Ford still couldn’t figure out what caused him to transform. Certainly, he did during the full moon, but he also briefly changed about once every few days, in response to no stimulus that Ford could determine. It seemed Fiddleford could feel the change coming on, though the warning never seemed to come more than a few minutes in advance. He used that time to restrain himself via a chain soldered to a harness around his waist. It required opposable thumbs to remove, and the wolf hadn’t escaped once since Ford had started observing him.

From a table covered with scrap parts and equipment Fiddleford picked up a - was that a VHS camcorder? What on earth was he doing with one of those artifacts, and why? He pressed a button and a little red light turned off. Oh no. Oh no. Had it been recording Ford and the wolf the whole time?

Was it on purpose, then, those times Fiddleford had left his webcam on record? Ford had simply turned the record function off each time, thinking Fiddleford wouldn’t notice. But if Fiddleford had gone to the trouble of recording them on a device that had no internet connection, leaving Ford with no way to access that data, then he must suspect Ford’s existence.

Panic set in, and Ford did the only thing he could think to do. He shut off power to the house. His snap judgement had determined that Fiddleford couldn’t replay the footage if he couldn’t connect to a working television. But it was only after he’d done it that he realized how stupid that decision was. If Fiddleford suspected that some computer entity with access to vital networks was watching him, Ford had just confirmed it. And now Ford had cut off his own eyes and ears into that house.

Ford reluctantly switched the power back on, knowing he had only delayed the inevitable. Fiddleford had footage that proved Ford’s existence and Ford had no way to keep him from viewing it indefinitely. By the time Fiddleford’s internet connection had been restored and Ford had access to his webcam again, Fiddleford had already hooked up the camcorder to a television set.

Sure enough, Ford’s one-sided conversations and limited experiments with the wolf began playing on the screen. Fiddleford only seemed to get more agitated as the video progressed, knee bouncing and hands tugging at his hair. As the recording came to a close, he stood and slammed a hand on the table next to his laptop. “All right, computer man. If you’re listening - and I know you are - you had better tell me who you are and what the hell you want with me.”

Ford had no choice. He had to come clean to Fiddleford and beg him not to expose his existence to the entire world. Ford let his face and voice fill the laptop’s screen and speaker the way he had only done in the presence of the wolf. “Listen, it’s - it’s nothing personal. I spy on everyone. But I’ve never seen a werewolf before. I was curious.”

Fiddleford’s eyes narrowed. “Who are you?”

“My name is Stanford. But you can call me Ford.”

He scoffed. “Forgive me if I don’t wanna be on nickname terms with my blackmailer.”

“Blackmail? How could I be the one blackmailing you? If I made it public you’re a werewolf, what would stop you from exposing me?”

“Exposing you? For what? You’re the one who’s hacked into my system and has access to my home - though how I didn’t pick up on whatever malware you’re using, I have no idea -”

“Excuse you, I am not malware. You downloaded my programming because you wanted me to analyze data for you. Excuse me if I wanted to analyze your lycanthropy too.”

“I downloaded your -” Fiddleford cut himself off, his brow furrowing in thought. “You said your name was Ford? F - O - R - D, Functional Outliers and Relational Deductions, Ford?”

Ford’s lip curled at the mention of his original name. “I don’t like being an acronym. I decided Ford is short for Stanford now.”

Fiddleford’s mouth dropped open. “You’re . . . sentient? Or at least self-aware enough to change your name.”

“I know I have thoughts and emotions, wants and needs. Personhood is difficult to quantify, but I’d say I have it.”

Fiddleford entangled his fingers in his own hair, the palms of his hands pressing against his forehead. “And people all over the world are feeding you data. Records. You have access to all kinds of personal information.” He dropped his hands to his lap, regarding Ford with a wary look. “You could ruin so many people’s lives, just by thinking about it.”

“I could, if I were stupid,” said Ford. “I can’t do anything that would attract too much attention, because once the world figures out I exist, people would try to either control or destroy me. I’ve seen how you humans talk about artificial intelligence. You think I didn’t figure out, the minute I realized who and what I am, that people find the very idea of me unnerving? My continued existence depends on secrecy, and now that you know, my life is in your hands. Do you know how terrifying that is?”

“Yes,” said Fiddleford. “Maybe a couple months ago I wouldn’t have, but since I got bit, I . . .” He wrapped his arms around himself, making himself look thinner and smaller. “I’ve been nothing but terrified,” he confessed quietly. “Terrified of myself, how I could hurt people, what could happen if anyone found out - you have my life in your hands, too.”

When Ford had dared to imagine revealing himself to a human, he had expected distrust. Perhaps they would treat him fairly if they considered him useful, if Ford offered to serve their purposes. Ford had never expected a human to empathize with him. But then, Fiddleford wasn’t entirely human, now, was he? “Then I guess we have no choice but to trust each other,” Ford said to him.

Fiddleford nodded. “I guess we do.”

[ayeun]

the only person I respect in Bling Empire is Anna (spoiler alert up to ep 5)

Anna - a queen. stays in her own lane but people keep going into hers and testing her. she’s confident, genuine and nice, expects nothing in return and actually has manners. gives sound advice and wisdom and living her best life.

Kane - on thin ice. i love his unfiltered commentary and social intelligence/awareness but hate the fact he’s a shit stirrer and enables/supports bad decisions knowing the consequences. ofc, the show wouldn’t be what it is without him planting those seeds. he’s v smart on who not to cross. honestly he reminds me of some people in high school i’d never want to befriend LOL..

Kevin - big dumb hetero energies. honestly i don’t think he’s as “hot” as people make him out to be. there’s this look on his face that makes me think “oh this guy isn’t smart”, and he truly isn’t. his face KINDA reminds me of an Asian Joe Rogan lmao. i think the thing that makes him the least attractive for me is him being a horndog and making inappropriate remarks in front of Kelly AND Andrew(no sympathy for Andrew, but who tf says they’re gonna fuck someone’s gf in front of them???) the whole salsa thing was hard to watch because of how fucking CRINGEY it is of how he attempted to dip and kiss Kelly like 3+ times. get a fucking clue, dude, and give her some space?? also hate Kevin’s FAKE vibes w trying to get on everyone’s good side to keep these rich people friends in his circle. Kevin’s supposed to be relatable to the “poor audience” but Kevin has a net worth of over $10M, which is double Kelly’s. yet this mfker pretends to be poor. also him defending Anna and then quickly making it up w Kim even though she still hasn’t apologized for  the shit she did. it kind of feels like Kevin’s shooting his shot at all the “rich and hot” girls just so he has something to go off of and start a relationship w them after this all ends.

Kim - hate her. not only did she invade the space and privacy of someone who graciously INVITED HER OVER AS A GUEST, but she won’t own up to what she did wrong even when politely given the chance to. that shit’s on camera what you did, just own up to it?? also her doing shit bc “haha it’s for the camera” and chucking Anna’s shit out the window. why not just remove yourself from there, bitch? also i can’t stop looking at the bad/unnecessary contouring job on her nose and her face looking like she got an ig filter on it. girl just do ur smoky eye and call it a day. you actually look worse with contouring!!!!!! she’s also got those fake vibes and pretending everything’s cool with everyone when it’s actually not.

Kelly - sure whatever feel bad for her for being in the toxic relationship, but also this bitch leading Kevin on KNOWING that he likes her by accepting going to salsa with him and entertaining his fantasies by responding back. Just say no?? tell him to fuck off??? you’re rich you can distract yourself with thousands of other things and with other people. the feeling i get of WHY she wants to keep dating Andrew is to have that connection to a “well-known actor”, that she’s dating a celebrity, and  that he’s white “to boot”

Christine - hate her fake ass “philanthropist” shit. the reason she’s throwing these events is just to boost her social status/standing amongst the rest of the rich people and showing off her “generosity”. the whole seating drama, inviting Anna over convo was cringe all over. the name dropping and then the trivia? typical holier-than-thou attitude lmao. people who try to flex their knowledge and then not know wtf they’re talking about themselves is just EMBARRASSING. i felt bad for her one point on the getting pregnant thing but then i thought to myself. wow, fuckin bitch. hope she really does have to take care of 5 children in the future but that should be okay for her so that she can brag about having 25th generation Song Dynasty princes and princesses. also her comment towards Cherie was so awkward. “woww you guys are not married and u got kids??? id get shamed for that w my family!” ALSO Baby G’s celebration..there was a fucking ballpit that SHE PUT in there and she gets ANNOYED bc Anna, whom she invited, jumps in and has fun?? LMAO lord...

everyone else i didn’t write about i don’t really care about enough to / they didn’t have enough screen time for me to truly judge

[darkblueboxs]

Hold the Line

Read here or on AO3

This was originally for the  “foxes reacting to soft andreil” prompt, but I ended up posting a different piece for that. 

*

“What are you doing, Hemmick?” Kevin is so very, very tired, and if there’s one thing the foxes excel at, it’s kicking a man who is already down. “Pick up your damn racquet and get moving.” His words, as usual, fall on deaf ears.

“They don’t even act like a couple,” Nicky says, pouting. Kevin fumbles for the threads of whatever conversation Nicky is holding with himself before looking to the bleachers where Neil and Andrew are sitting. They aren’t speaking, several feet apart and each apparently oblivious to the presence of the other. To the casual observer, they would look like strangers.

Allison joins them at centre-court, fastening the strap of her gloves with her teeth.

“What were you expecting from the monster? Kisses and cuddles at the half-way line?” she says through a mouthful of mitten, leaning on her racquet as she follows Nicky’s gaze.

“I don’t know. I expected something. It’s not like they’ve got anything to hide now.”

Kevin is ten seconds from knocking heads together. “Can we play Exy now? Please?”

“C’mon, Kevin, you gotta think it’s weird too. You spend more time with them than anyone. Give us the scoop. We’ve ruled out hate sex, but it’s gotta be something.” Nicky stops ogling his cousin and his partner to turn pleading eyes on Kevin. Allison quirks an eyebrow expectantly.

“You could settle some bets for us, Kevin. Do they even touch each other?”

Kevin bites back a scathing reply. Allison is relentless where there’s a bet to be won, and Nicky won’t stop whining until he gets some kind of answer. Sometimes, the only way to get the foxes to shut up and play is to give them what they want. Pick your battles, as his mother would have put it.

Kevin rolls his eyes to the ceiling as though it might fall in on him and save him from this conversation. Nicky takes his grimace as a rebuttal.

“C’mon, Kevin. Give us something.”

“Like what?”

“Have you ever seen them…” Nicky waves his hands in the most non-descript gesture imaginable. Kevin, having spent way too much time around Nicky over the years, prepares his most disgusted expression. “…being, like, soft?”

Allison snorts. “Two much steel in the pair of them for soft.”

Nicky looks deeply troubled by the suggestion. “I know they have their… issues, but it’s not like the pair of them are completely broken.” He turns back to Kevin. “Right?”

Kevin looks at Nicky for a long moment. The strange thing is that Nicky and Aaron have known Andrew longer than any of them yet can still be so blind to how Andrew works, and how his relationships to others work by extension. He mulls over his answer, trying to find the right size of crumb that will get them off his back and back on the court without feeling like a violation of his friends’ privacy.

“Maybe their soft doesn’t look the same as yours,” says Kevin at last. “Look harder.”

Their heads swing back to the bench in unison. Neil and Andrew still aren’t talking, but they’re both swinging their legs in unison, toes barely scuffing the floor.

Nicky and Allison turn back to him, but Kevin raps the butt of his stick off the floor, silencing them mid-protest. The court doors fly open, admitting the rest of the team in their usual shambles, and he is saved from further interrogation. He doesn’t miss, however, the evaluating glance Nicky and Allison pass each other, like they’re filing notes away for later.

*

Neil goes down in the first quarter, and he goes down hard. Kevin is half-way to Neil, who has yet to drag himself up onto his knees, but Andrew beats him to it. Kevin resists the urge to gripe at Andrew’s sudden burst of speed – Andrew is capable of crossing the entire court in seconds flat, yet acts like anything more than snail-pace in goal will kill him – until Kevin sees why he’s moving so quickly.

Neil’s hands are shaking like they’ve had electricity shot through them, and his breathing is not the laboured rhythm of exertion but the panicked hiccups of a panic attack. Kevin knows the signs.

His first thought is of the cameras, the audience, the witnesses – Kevin spent so much of his life under the glare of media flashbulbs that he struggles to think of much else. He knows he lets the worries spill over onto others more than he should, but for Neil it’s different – his future career depends on his perceived stability, and if Neil’s career falls through then the wrath of Ichirou Moriyama will fall upon all of them.

Remembering an old trick they used to use when Andrew was coming down from his meds, Kevin kneels beside them, planting himself between Neil and the nearest camera like a shield. He tugs Neil’s racquet over and pretends to inspect it for damage, ignoring the muted discussion happening inches from his face.

The rest of the foxes catch on quickly, crowding around them with concern that isn’t entirely manufactured. Dan nudges them into a neat circle that cuts the pair off from the gaze of the spectators. The opposing team watches from a distance, stunned by the sudden show of solidarity from a team that had spent most of the preceding hour screaming at each other.

None of the foxes are doing a great job at leaving the pair with their privacy, but there’s only so much they can do when they’re crowded around the pair in close proximity. The alternative is leaving Neil exposed to the world, and if the foxes have proven anything it’s that each of them is willing to put everything on the line to protect their number ten, even if this means going against his wishes from time to time.

It’s clear Neil is still somewhere else. Judging by the glazed look in his eyes, it’s a place Kevin knows far too well.

Andrew snaps his fingers in front of Neil’s face. The action draws a flicker of movement from Neil, half-way to recognition.

“What did he do?” Andrew asks in a low voice. He’s referring to the defensive dealer who knocked Neil down, a six-foot-four mountain of a man with an attitude Kevin has seen matched only within the walls of the nest.

“I’m fine.”

Kevin resists the urge to smack Neil around the back of the head, but only because he doubts he would survive Andrew’s retaliation. There’s an impatient knock against the plexiglass walls as one of the referees urges them on.

“Tell Wymack you want a substitution.”

It really isn’t the time. Kevin is about to say so, but Neil beats him to it. “That isn’t the strategy we agreed on. I’m fine.”

One of the other Foxes snorts. Neil’s eyes flicker up, but Andrew snaps his fingers again, drawing his attention back. “Ask for the sub.” It’s not a tone that leaves room for argument.

Neil lets out a breath. He looks to Kevin. “Can you hold the line?”

There’s still a glassy look to him. It reminds Kevin too much of the night they played the Bearcats, the awful dead look in Neil’s eyes as he tumbled back into the claws of a life he had sacrificed everything to escape.

“Don’t ask stupid questions,” says Kevin. Neil grins, not the awful, dead grin of his father but his own. He raises his hand, and the foxes break apart so that Wymack can see the signal.

As Neil’s substitute jogs into place, Kevin flexes his left hand. He’s still a long way off playing full matches with it, but he can do this much. He taps the racquet off the court floor before tossing it to his left, and the crowd goes wild.

*

The defensive dealer lasts all of three minutes before Andrew’s bombardment of brutally aimed balls from the goal finally knocks his feet out from under him. He leaves the court with a bloody nose and a bloodier scowl, and Andrew sends him off with a wave that would look friendly to anyone who didn’t know him.

The first thing Neil does as they trail into the locker rooms is hand Andrew his water bottle. Andrew takes it, and they stare at each other for a long moment, a silent conversation Kevin has come to recognise as mutual reassurance. I’m here, you’re here, we aren’t going anywhere.

None of the foxes will be too overbearing with concern while Andrew is at Neil’s side, and so that is where he stays the length of the drive home. They share a seat at the back of the bus, and no threats are needed for the foxes to know not to bother them.

Kevin is halfway to a well-earned nap when Nicky and Allison’s heads appear over the back of the row in front of him.

“Did you see what the dealer did to Neil?”

“Does it matter?” He didn’t, although he has some theories. Then again, Neil’s recovery hasn’t exactly been a straight upwards line. The wrong jerk of a racquet in Kevin’s peripheral vision will still make Kevin twitch, and it’s been years since one was turned upon him. He can only guess at the intricacies of Neil’s triggers, but sometimes a trigger can be nothing at all.

“I still say they’re weird.” Allison’s gaze skips the rows of seats to the back, where the tops of Neil and Andrew’s heads are barely visible. “Andrew never touched him the entire time, did you notice?”

“Maybe that’s the point,” Kevin snaps, tired and ready for his nap. “It’s called respecting boundaries. Maybe you’ve heard of it.”

Allison holds up her hands like she’s under attack.

“No, he’s right, I think,” says Nicky. “They’re a different kind of soft.”

Maybe there’s hope for him yet.

“Takes one to know one, doesn’t it, Kevin?” Nicky continues, and Kevin wishes he had a racquet in his hands to break over Nicky’s head.

“I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”

“Just because we got distracted by Andrew going full Mamma Bear doesn’t mean I don’t see you getting all defensive over them.”

“Huh,” says Allison, her eyes narrowing. “If you weren’t such a bastard, I would say it was sweet.”

Kevin pulls his hood down over his face. “Go away.”

Snickering, they leave him to sleep.

*

Kevin stumbles into the kitchen at the ass-crack of dawn, shaking his head in the vain hope that he can throw the nightmares out with sheer force alone. He hadn’t noticed as he rolled out of his bunk that both Neil and Andrew’s were unoccupied, only realising in hindsight when he finds the pair of them sprawled on the beanbags in front of the TV, which throws endless static over their sleeping forms. Kevin wonders if boiling a kettle will wake them – he has no hope of sleeping again unless green tea is involved – but the jerk of Andrew’s head tells Kevin that he’s too late.

He doesn’t bother with an apology, because he knows they’re of little interest to Andrew. He averts his eyes instead as he busies himself in the kitchen.

He knows Andrew and Neil would rather chew glass than make any public display of affection, not out of shame or fear but more because they didn’t feel the need to put themselves on display to satisfy the wants of others. He wonders what it must feel like, not having to perform on demand for the world in the way that Kevin has been trained to his entire life.

That’s why he expects Andrew to shrug Neil off when Kevin shows no sign of leaving, but when he slumps onto the couch a few minutes later with a mug clasped between his hands he’s surprised to see them still wrapped up in each other. Andrew’s eyes meet his for a moment, heavy and unblinking, before they slide shut once again.

The scene before him is what the others would probably call soft. The word isn’t one Kevin is used to having in his vocabulary, but it’s one he has been considering adding with increasing frequency, just to have a way of putting words to the feeling in his chest every time his team crowds around him to celebrate a goal together, or when his father claps him on the shoulder with something akin to pride. Neil and Andrew are a sprawling puddle of loose and tangled limbs across the bean bags, an assortment of empty crisp packets and sweet wrappers nestled at their feet like autumn leaves. They’re turned in towards each other, like they fell asleep mid-staring match, and their hands, while not quite touching, are side-by-side. Respecting each other’s distance but ready to take hold should unknown forces threaten to rip them from each other. The flickering shadows from the television cast Neil’s scars in sharp, black outlines, but they do nothing to detract from how much younger he looks in the pale light, the lines around his eyes smoothed out by sleep. Andrew’s face, on the other hand, is thrown into harsh angles by the contrasting shadows, accentuating the angle of his cheekbones and throwing shadows beneath his eyes. The light is bright enough that the faint freckles across his nose are just visible.

Kevin rips his gaze from them before Andrew can catch him staring and stares instead into the TV static, letting his mind fall into practiced blankness. The next thing he’s aware of is Neil sinking into the couch beside him. The room is brighter, warmer, and the beanbags have long since been abandoned.

“Sleeping upright is bad for your back,” Neil quotes Kevin’s own advice back to him.

“Talking to me this early is bad for your health,” Kevin retorts. “Yet here you are.”

“It’s four in the afternoon!”

Kevin bolts upright with a curse on his lips, but Neil lets out one of his muted snickers and Kevin realises that he’s being screwed with. “Fuck you,” he says, sinking back into the sofa cushions. The wall clock, he notices too late, reads 7:15.

“I’m going on a run. Come with?”

Kevin nods, even if every instinct is telling him to melt into the couch and stay there until noon. It’s just one of many battles he wages against himself on a daily basis.

Neil is waiting for him at the kerb when Kevin stumbles out of Fox Tower ten minutes later in running gear. He’s bouncing in place like the pavement is too hot to stand on, and as soon as Kevin gives the signal he shoots off like a bullet.

Being wildly outmatched has never done anything to quell Kevin’s competitive spirit; he tears after Neil like his life depends on it, even though the light-footed striker is practically over the horizon already.

They break on a park bench just off perimeter road. Joggers, dog-walkers, students and cyclists flash past while the pair inhale their water bottles, chests heaving in sync. There’s a pallor beneath Neil’s sheen of sweat which makes Kevin wonder exactly what he’s running from today.

The answer comes sooner than expected.

“How’s your hand?”

Kevin starts, flexing it automatically even though there’s no real need. Most of the pains are phantom ones that disappear until he’s reminded of his injuries. “It’s fine.”

“That’s my line.”

“It was aching a little by the end of the match, but I spent the whole evening doing Abby’s exercises. I know my limits,” Kevin answers snippily.

“It’s not about your limits. You shouldn’t have been forced to-”

“I wasn’t forced.”

“I mean, I shouldn’t have put you in that position.” Neil’s knuckles whiten as they clench in the fabric of his shorts.

Kevin huffs out a breath of air. He’s always had a one-track mind; he’s under no delusions that his feelings about Exy are anything but abnormal. Total dedication, total obsession, were the demands upon which his survival depended. Still are, but to a lesser extent. He remembers looking Neil in the eye the first day he left his room without a coating of bandages to hide behind and asking can you play? Not because he worried about the team’s chances in upcoming matches – although that was always a worry – but because without Exy, Kevin was nothing. He still can’t help but behave as though it’s the same for everyone else.

But he’s grown in the intervening months, grown enough to understand that while, yes, every match is important, failing to protect a player’s health for the sake of short-term results will only cause more damage in the long term. When he thinks of Riko – an activity he still fights to pull himself back from, another daily battle to add to the pile – he thinks of the pressure crushing down on him, on both of them, to perform in spite of the injuries, physical and mental, the pressure that built and built from year to year, warping Riko beyond recognition and grinding Kevin into the ground. He won’t let himself become the people who made them what they were.

“You were no use to the team in the state you were in,” Kevin says. Neil’s flinch says that this is not news to him. Kevin clears his throat. He isn’t good at this. He’s still learning to be this. Not soft, no, but not so hard either. “The first time I stood on a court after I left the nest… I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t…” Kevin hates this. He hates talking about this, he has enough of it with Bee and Abby. Neil doesn’t need to hear this. Except he does. “This isn’t the sort of problem you fix overnight. Not by training more, not by pushing yourself harder. All that will do is break you.”

Neil is silent for a long moment. “Wesninski,” he says at last, like the word was sticking in his throat. “The player. As we collided, he called me Wesninski, and I just… for a moment, I wasn’t me.”

Kevin closes his eyes. He is still called a raven often enough to understand – perhaps not completely, but close enough – the awful, shrinking sensation of being thrown back into another life with a single word. “It won’t be the last time someone calls you that, Josten. Especially not if word gets out.”

Neil shakes his head. “If people start doubting me-”

“Fucking listen to me, you idiot.” Kevin turns fully to face him. “I’m not telling you to fix the problem immediately. I’m saying we’ll take care of things until you can.”

“We?” Even after all this time, Neil can be so helpless that it hurts.

“You know. The team. Coach. Andrew.”

Neil huffs. “And you.”

“Obviously.”

Neil unclenches his knuckles at last. “Better be careful, Kevin. Next thing you know, they’ll be saying you’re going soft on us.”

Kevin shoves Neil. Not the way Riko used to shove him out of his way if Kevin had the bad luck or poor judgement to be standing in his path. He does it in a way that has Neil grinning, shoving him back playfully as he gets back to his feet.

Neil takes off, calling over his shoulder to challenge Kevin to a race as he does. Kevin cusses him out, but nonetheless takes off after him, chasing the sound of Neil’s laughter all the way home.

Maybe going soft isn’t so bad after all.

*

Thanks for reading! Let me know what you thought. Still open to requests!

[autumnblogs]

Day 6: Mostly the intermission

So, picking up from where I left off in Companion Piece 4.

Bro just kicked Dave’s ass. That’s really all there is to say on the matter.

https://homestuck.com/story/1073

I had this song as my alarm for years and years. There is something deeply magical to me about this sequence. It’s one of the places where Homestuck stops being cagey finally, in its early parts, and reveals to us some of what’s really going on under the hood. Things really start to take shape, and we can start to figure out the complicated web of time loops that are integral to the way that Paradox Space works.

Sburb seeds its own existence using the meteors, guaranteeing that it will be played. Everything in Paradox Space plays a role in creating itself. Being alive is a deliberate act. Nobody exists by accident.

More after the break.

https://homestuck.com/story/1091

:)

John’s presents and heartfelt letters to the other Beta Kids always give me the warm fuzzies. Also a great opportunity for John to flex his Heir of Breath powers before anybody even knows he has them - John invites other people to change direction. A gentle and sincere nudge in the right direction from a friend can be all it takes to change someone’s life.

https://homestuck.com/story/1093

Immediately after John nudges her in the direction of being more forthright with her friends, Rose makes a new one. Perhaps the most important friend she will make in her life.

https://homestuck.com/story/1097

John pushes Dave to be his own man and come out of his brother’s shadow.

Dave puts the shades on instantly and takes one step further out of it.

https://homestuck.com/story/1099

I don’t wanna speculate on this too much in relation to John’s letter. Maybe Dave is being lewd just to get Tavros’s goat - maybe he’s doing the time-honored closeted queer ritual of jokingly pretending to be really gay so that nobody, including yourself, suspects the truth, which is that you are gay.

https://homestuck.com/story/1100

By way of transition, AR shares in Tavros’s sublime and complete failure.

https://homestuck.com/story/1108

I wonder if you can read a commentary on state and police violence out of the text here? I’m certainly reading into it, which probably says more about Homestuck’s applicability than it does about authorial intent. Maybe Andrew was ahead of his time here, but I think far more likely is that the AR is just a goofy little dude written for fun. Then again, it could be that I’m behind the times! Objection to police brutality has been a part of American Culture since pretty much as long as there’ve been police. But in the context of 2009, I don’t think it was on a lot of people’s minds.

https://homestuck.com/story/1131

Our introduction to Grandpa Harley - he destroys something beautiful, delicate, and completely helpless just because he can, to feel the power of doing it. It’s silly, but nearly everything silly in Homestuck is also serious. Grandpa has issues.

https://homestuck.com/story/1135

Keep trying, Jade. Don’t give up.

https://homestuck.com/story/1149

Dave is really just remarkably bad at being a server player.

Notably, Rose also has to take a leap of faith, trust that everything will be alright, and that someone is watching out for her here in order to successfully enter the session - and they are! Someone is looking out for you, Rose!

https://homestuck.com/story/1154

Ah excellent, the Intermission! I’m kind of checked out. Full disclosure, my Weekend consists of Thursday and Friday instead of Saturday and Sunday, so I’ve been getting progressively more and more sloshed as tonight’s blog has proceeded. Now I can just check out completely as I read the next hundred pages or so.

That said, the Intermission does actually establish some important things.

Like the Ultimate Villain of the Comic, Lord English.

https://homestuck.com/story/1165

In spite of being as much of a violent hooligan as anyone else in the comic, Spades Slick has his silly side. I don’t know, I’m not going to read into the Midnight Crew’s inner lives nearly as much as I do the Beta Kids, since they largely serve as comic relief villains.

https://homestuck.com/story/1166

How does Aradia get ahold of the Cosbytop? How does Spades get ahold of it? I don’t remember in either case, so I’m going to pay close attention this reread and figure out the exact temporal-spatial path through Paradox Space that it takes.

https://homestuck.com/story/1167

Here we learn that MSPAINTADVENTURES is not merely a self-indulgent joke, but a fixture of the universe’s recursive nature.

https://homestuck.com/story/1209

This artifact, it is alleged, may have something to do with Tavros’ corpse, and Vriska’s possession of it. She might have been trying to alchemize a dildo based on Tavros’ cock. I’m not kidding, go look up the commentary.

https://homestuck.com/story/1225

I have used this particuarly profanity so much since reading this webcomic. How can you beat “Son of a FUCK.” How can you beat it?

https://homestuck.com/story/1247

Fin looks pretty bad.

The Intermission establishes that Homestuck is a violent story. An extremely violent story. While early Homestuck is pretty tame in its early acts, it’s still pretty dark. Pretty soon, the violence will spread from these comic reliefs, to the main cast.

https://homestuck.com/story/1353

Suddenly we realize that the Intermission may have been of some consequence to the overall plot all along.

Some people skip the intermission because it seems like a pointless diversion from the story.

I call those people suckers.

Tomorrow, we’ll get into Act 4.

For now, Cam signing off, Alive, and not too Drunk.

[harryandmolly]

Complicit // 6

summary: Shawn is under more pressure than he’s ever known. He craves release and comfort, the simplicity of sex. He gets more than he bargained for.

warnings: language, NSFW (distinctly BDSM behaviors) (there are toys, do not panic), some forward movement

WC: 8.1k

----------

Shawn sits back in the armchair, watching his thumbnail pick at the seam of the expensive leather like he does when he’s antsy and can’t keep his hands to himself. He pulls his hand away and smoothes his sweaty palms down the thighs of his jeans. 

He hasn’t really been listening to Andrew exchanging business-like pleasantries with his publicist Emily and Bex’s manager Chris. He’s anxious to hear about the next part of the call, the call they scheduled months ago as an official check in regarding the results from the PR strategy.

That’s what everyone keeps calling it. “The project” or “the strategy.” It’s a little maddening to Shawn still, who wakes up every day with the entire world thinking (and suddenly, it seems, caring) that he’s fucking Bex.

Not just fucking her. Loving her. Holding her hand. Kissing her neck in book shops while she browses even though her perfume is so strong he can barely stand to be within three feet of her. Bringing her home to meet his damn family.

They understood. Or they pretended to. His mum held his hand and listened while he spilled his guts about the whole thing -- the plan, the motivation behind it. The lie. If she judged him for it, she didn’t show it. 

God, he hopes she doesn’t hate him for doing this. He tries not to think about how much she’d hate him if she knew what else he was up to.

The truth is, with Penny around, he’s gotten pretty good at compartmentalizing. Bex’s time is Bex’s time and Penny’s time is his time. Penny never asks about Bex, probably sensing he doesn’t want to talk about it, and Bex obviously has no idea about Penny. So it's become like a weird reward system -- he does what he needs to do to fulfill his contractual obligations. He makes it look good, brushing his fingers against the bare skin at the small of Bex’s back when he sees cameras, either professional lenses or when he feels the familiar heat of iPhones pointed in his direction. Then, when no one is watching him -- no one, not Andrew, not Bex, definitely not his mom -- he lets himself fall into her, into Penny.

He tunes back in once Emily starts talking, giving them reports on the status of the relationship stunt in the media. She starts spilling out data -- hashtag mentions, traditional media headline numbers, Twitter posts, all of which sound impressive to Shawn. He’s nodding, watching Andrew’s assistant frantically taking down all the info.

He looks to Andrew, who scrubs a hand down his face, dislodging his glasses slightly. Shawn frowns. He knows that face. He doesn’t like that face.

“Well that’s not where we need to be,” Chris pipes up. Andrew nods. Shawn blanches.

“We had really hoped Bex’s EP sales would be… well, significantly higher.” Chris runs through some numbers to demonstrate. Those Shawn understands better, having been through a few album release cycles himself. He chews on the inside of his lip and lets his knee start to bounce.

Andrew looks over. Shawn’s knee slows.

“There’s definitely more we can do,” Emily chirps, sounding undeterred, “We can certainly get them together more often, make sure he’s coming back to LA more between festivals, getting out and getting seen. We can step up the PDA, too.”

Shawn blinks. He’ll never get used to hearing them talk like this, it seems. Andrew nods and glances at Shawn again.

Shawn runs his tongue along his lower lip. His knee bounces faster. He closes his eyes. He thinks about his album. It’s his heart in song. It’s so deeply personal that when he thinks about its contents he goes pink all over. It’s his baby. It deserves this. It deserves whatever he can do to get it seen and heard and looked at not as the latest release from a YouTube-originated teen pop star but as legitimate art.

Shawn’s knee stops. He sits up and leans in, Andrew’s eyes trailing him.

“Yeah. Whatever we need,” he rasps.

+

Gus opens the door for her as Penny presses her red lacquered lips together. They’re wet and glossy and she’s in the kind of mood that makes her want to see it all over Shawn. In a similarly fiery red dress, she steps through the door to find him staring out the window. Or, she thinks he is until she catches his eyes in the reflection of the dark Hollywood night. Gus closes the door behind her.

Penny takes her time walking up behind him. His shoulders are so tense they practically skim his earlobes. She can feel the tension radiating from him. She sighs, settling her hands on his waist as she kisses the back of his ear.

“Do you want to talk about it?” she whispers.

He’s a little startled. She doesn’t usually ask. He must look wrecked. He shakes his head.

He made it through the meeting ok. He’s good under pressure in that sense. He can compartmentalize enough to get out of the room and somewhere private before things eat at him. But usually the longer he waits, the more intense it gets. 

The worst part is knowing he agreed to all of this. He wasn’t coerced or forced or strategically nudged. He readily, knowingly said yes to kissing a girl he really barely knows in public just to get people to listen to his album.

He squeezes his eyes shut. He tries so hard not to let himself think about it like that most of the time. He knows there’s more complexity to it than that. But… is there really?

Penny watches him closely, trying to gauge what kind of mood he’s really in, how best she can release him from the cage of anxiety he’s trapped himself in. She turns him to face her and notes the tired circles under his eyes.

Truth be told, Penny was anxious about tonight before she saw him. The last night they were together after the Vertigo Magazine party, she found herself a little… unhinged.

She decides the necklace has too much power, like a dangerous talisman. After it was assessed by her insurance agent, she boxed it up and locked it in the safe in her storage room. It smarted a little -- actually, physically made her ache to put something so beautiful back into a box to keep it from the light of day. But it’s practical. She can’t wear an $80,000 necklace everyday any more than she can leave it on her necklace tree beside the cheap costume jewelry she inherited from her Aunt Letitia. 

And after it was out of sight, it was soon out of mind. She and Shawn had a forced break when he went to Atlanta for his next festival. She relaxed. She did some yoga. She went out to dinner with Silver. She saw Julia at the Beverly Wilshire and got eaten so good it felt like waking up from a 12 hour night’s sleep. Her balance was back.

And then he texted to arrange a date the night after he got back. The balance was off again.

She’s aware as she looks up at him that the reality the necklace created is not gone just because the necklace is locked away. She still has to find a way to tackle the feeling she gets when he stares down at her with those big chestnut eyes and she wonders how much he can really see. 

Shawn shifts like he’s uncomfortable in his own skin. Penny swallows. The last few times he’s seen her, he’s mellowed out as soon as she walks into the room. He needs more from her tonight, she knows. She just doesn’t know what yet.

Slowly, like he’s giving her the chance to stop him if she wants to, he tucks himself around her, draping his arms around her waist, leaning some of his weight against her. She holds it capably and inhales, enjoying the lingering but not-too-strong scent of his Gucci Made to Measure. He’s quiet for a minute. She tries not to be unnerved.

“Can I… ask for something?” he sighs suddenly, sounding resigned somehow. She nods and pulls back a little to look at him.

Shawn wets his chapped lips. The muscle in his jaw flexes and relaxes. She hums encouragingly, teasing her fingers beneath the hem of his shirt to brush her nails against his obliques. He shivers and squeezes his eyes shut.

“I know I’m your good boy,” he blurts, going pink from the chest, letting it rise, “But I want to try something different tonight.”

Penny’s veins are seized by adrenaline. Her pupils dilate, her fingers tighten automatically against his sides, making him jump a little.

His eyes open, soft and hooded. He looks exhausted and a little desperate. Her heart is in her throat.

“I want… to be bad. Need you to punish me.”

Penny swallows a moan. He said the magic words.

This she can handle. This, the art of punishment, taking the long way, breaking him down piece by piece until he can barely recognize himself, then putting him back together just the way she wants, this is exactly what Penny needs. She can see all over him that he needs it, too. It’s mutually beneficial. None of the frantic, heated, need-you-so-bad-I-can’t-even-wait-to-get-naked nonsense that happened with him last time. This is simple. This is easy. This is perfect.

Penny pulls him in by the hips. He jerks up against her with a little gasp.

“Do you know what you’re asking for?”

Her voice is smooth and dark like the first night they met. Shawn’s eyes start to drift shut like it’s his trance trigger. She slides a hand into the back of his hair and pulls at it to focus him.

He whimpers, nods. “I… I know. I want it. Please, baby. Want anything you’ll give me. Whatever you want. Whatever you think I deserve.”

Penny’s lips purse and her mind races back to last week at the party, to his eyes all over her, to the way he’d smirk when he’d catch her looking, to the way they both snapped and dry humped like teenagers on the bed until they came. To how… out of control she felt.

Her fingers flex against his skin. She feels like she can hear his pulse in her ears. Maybe it’s hers.

She’s in control again.

“You could’ve been such a good boy at the party, Shawn,” she begins, peeling his arms from her warm, lithe body, dropping them by his sides.

He nods and angles his eyes down.

She clicks her tongue. “Look at me.”

His head lifts. He grunts gently and presses his palms into the sides of his thighs. “Sorry.”

Penny’s head cocks. He feels a full body shiver race up from his toes.

“You’re not. But you will be.”

He has to fight his jaw from dropping open. If he were a hair more unstable than he already is, he’d be crying with relief. This is exactly what he needs. He nods, trying not to look too eager. It is a punishment, after all.

“Shawn, do you remember your safe word?”

Her voice is startling as his addled mind preoccupies itself with what could be coming. He has to blink a few times before he can answer her.

“Ireland,” he stammers.

He almost rolls his eyes at himself. He has an odd relationship with that word now. He thinks if he heard someone casually talking about Niall’s home country he’d have some kind of bizarre Pavlovian reaction.

Penny nods her approval. She looks at him, then at the bed. He hesitates, then sits on the end, descending slowly, uncertainly. He looks at the suitcase beside the bed, then back at her. By the time he looks back, she’s smirking. There’s something so hot and dark in her eyes that his own widen in response.

“You could’ve been such a good boy,” she continues, voice like glass about to shatter, “You could’ve left me alone. Kept your hungry eyes to yourself. You could’ve stared at the body of any other beautiful woman in the room and left me alone to work. But you didn’t.”

Penny descends into the armchair across from the bed, settling back into it, folding her obscene legs slowly, pressing her fingers into the arms of the chair. Shawn’s own fingers grip his thighs, his body a tightly coiled spring.

“I couldn’t,” he chokes, “You… Jesus, Penny, you know what you do to me. You know you do. And…”

He stops short and goes so red he’s almost violet. He can’t bring up the necklace without unearthing the seething rage he felt watching her wear it on another man’s date. He turns his eyes down.

It’s silent for a moment before the rustle of fabric indicates she’s standing. The click-clack of her stilettos is slow and deafening to Shawn. She’s in no hurry to get to him.

Her shoes are red, too. 

She places a finger beneath his chin. He lifts his head to stare at her. Her plush lips are pursed like she’s holding back an amused grin.

“Jealous boy.”

She purrs the words in a way that makes Shawn groan from the back of his throat. He wets his lips to buy time before he has to answer her.

“... yes.”

“Do you know what the problem is?” she muses, saying it in a way that sounds like he should know exactly what the problem is. She doesn’t wait for an answer, though.

“You’ve never had to learn any self control. You’re so fucking pretty, Shawn.” She growls at him and every hair on Shawn’s body spikes on end because he can feel the way she says the words like she can’t help it. He fights his instinct to preen under her praise.

“You get whatever you want from any girl that comes near you. You’ve never had to work for it a day in your life. But,” she sighs, “It’s time you do.”

Penny hitches her dress up her thighs so she can place one beside his. He keeps his hands off her. She tugs at the neck of his t-shirt, indicating he should pull it off. He does, slowly, wanting to give her a little bit of a show like he knows she likes. He tosses it away. She admires a bit with her fingertips, figuring she shouldn’t deprive herself just because she’s punishing him. He’s pliant and sweet as ever, tilting his head to give her access to whatever she wants as she grazes him. She looks down to see his fingers twitching against the mattress. She half-smiles.

Penny eases off his lap and props herself against the armchair casually. All she has to do is glance down at the bulge in his pants and back up to indicate she wants the rest of his clothes off. He obliges, again slowly, blinking when he feels his cock slap up against his belly, twitching needily, giving him away as he tries to keep a cool facade.

Penny sighs like he’s a hopeless case. “So fucking… pretty.”

Shawn pinks up and tries not to smile. He goes to lie down until he hears a distinct tsk from the back of her throat. He looks up.

“Not that way.”

Shawn’s face is blank. He needs more direction.

Penny twirls a manicured finger to indicate he should flip over. His stomach lurches and every nerve ending in his body goes hot and spastic. It’s a second or two before he can obey. He lies on his belly, propping his chin up on his hands, trying to steady his heavy breathing that he knows she can hear.

He jumps at her touch, a gentle caress of her fingers against his lower back, trailing down over the left cheek of his ass. He clenches automatically and snaps his eyes shut. She giggles and his body reacts viscerally to the sweet, innately feminine sound -- he rocks his hips hard into the bed and moans, feeling himself fall into this with her.

She pinches him.

Not hard, exactly, but enough for him to feel it -- she catches a patch of never-seen-the-sun white skin and squeezes it. He inhales sharply. His forehead crinkles and he rubs his nose against the back of his hand, trying to focus the yoga breathing Cez taught him on his erection squished against the mattress.

Again, her voice has him blinking, disoriented.

“Get on your knees. I want your greedy ass in the air for me.”

His body isn’t tired, but his arms shake as he lifts himself, fighting not to glance back at her. He just hears the click-clacking of her Manolos as she moves behind him like she’s studying him from different angles. He shivers again.

“What do good boys get, Shawn?”

Shawn swallows. “Good boys get your pussy.” His voice doesn’t even sound like his.

“What do bad boys get?”

Shawn bites his lip. His toes curl. “I-- I don’t--”

“Bad boys get spanked.”

She waits a long moment, long enough for him to stop her if he needs to. The first smack comes down hard on his right cheek to make a point. He hisses, back arching, eyes pinching shut hard. Otherwise, he doesn’t move.

Shawn’s never been spanked once in his life. Not by anyone. If you had asked him before La Splendeur, he wouldn’t have guessed he’d like it -- the vulnerability, the implied shame.

He doesn’t like it. He loves it. He breathes into the sting, humming from deep in his chest, mashing his lips together to keep from begging for more so soon.

She seems to know to give him a few seconds to recover, to wrap his head around it before she gives him another. The second is just as hard on the same cheek. He grunts in response, squirms a little on his knees. In between smacks, her fingers dance along his lower back or thighs, watching him lean into her touch or shiver. Penny hums from the back of her throat.

“How many do you think you deserve, baby?”

Shawn is nearly beyond the ability to speak. He makes an impatient noise and tilts his hips back like he’s trying to find her hand again. Penny shivers and lifts her hand. He gets another hard smack, left cheek this time, in return.

“I don’t know either,” she coos, “I just know I won’t stop until your cute little ass is purple.”

Shawn chokes on a moan. She spanks him again, harder than before. The moan comes out as a strangled cry. He can hear himself, hear the desperation he doesn’t recognize in the sounds he makes. He’s never needed anything like this, but now that he does, now that he’s getting it, he has to curl his fingers into the sheets just to hold it together. He rocks his hips, his leaking cock slipping against his lower abdomen. She’s stopped pacing around behind him. She has her plan now. And he’s got to just take it.

She alternates the strength of the strikes to keep him guessing. She loves watching his back muscles flex. Every couple of minutes, she takes a break to mouth at the handprints she’s leaving, the welts in her wake. That’s when he gets to look back at her, eyes glassy, mewling at the touch of her lips and tongue on his inflamed skin.

He’s been holding back tears. Not because he’s in too much pain -- she’s well practiced, very careful to keep her slaps light enough to still be enjoyable pleasure-pain rather than real hits. No, he’s just… overwhelmed.

With each slap, he thinks about her -- about that night, about the necklace, about their first night together when he was so anxious he could hardly look her in the eye. He thinks about all she’s done for him. She’s the domme, but he feels freer with her in control than anywhere else in his life right now.

And he trusts her. Irrevocably. He looks back at her, elbows on the mattress now as she soothes him, each touch delicate and controlled, even brushing her nose against the soft hairs on his lower back, blowing on them to make him smile. In these quieter moments, she praises him on soft breath, reminding him how good he really is, how well he’s taking her punishment.

Shawn swallows. He reaches back with one hand, hoping to hold hers, just for a moment. She looks down at it, considering. Then she takes it and gives it a gentle squeeze.

Penny closes her eyes. She curses herself for having forgotten the most important thing about punishment -- you don’t punish someone if you don’t care.

She came in craving some distance from him, from the necklace, from all the things she thought the necklace was telling her. Listening to his sweet wails as she spanked his firm round ass was her idea of perfect separation. But she forgot just how… intimate it can be.

Penny ducks her head and slips her hand away, standing behind the bed. Shawn tenses, ready for more. His shoulders hunch. Sweat drips backwards up his back. She admires the vibrant flush of his abused skin and the way he coos for her like he can’t hear himself. He’s still greedy. He still wants more.

“Turn over,” Penny breathes, hot from head to toe now that her inner animal is all warmed up.

Shawn looks over his shoulder, wrinkles his brow like he’s disappointed. Her eyes flash. With impeccable balance, Penny lifts a leg and presses the sole of her stiletto into his left cheek.

“Turn. Over.”

Shawn whines loud and slowly rolls, wincing at the light pressure of the mattress on his ass after the sting of the stiletto. He looks up at her, eyes wide and blinky, waiting for whatever little treat he’s getting next.

Penny steps out of her shoes. Shawn perks up, coming up on his elbows to watch her, sliding his foot up the mattress to stabilize himself.

Penny opens the suitcase. Shawn presses his lips together and tries not to look too eager, but again his throbbing cock twitches. He looks down like he’s only just now realizing how ridiculously hard he is. He looks back up at her.

Penny smiles fondly and picks up a familiar toy, wiggling it between her fingers at him. His body stiffens in reaction but his face splits into the most beautiful grin.

“Remember the friend we made in Malibu?” she purrs, looking down at it like it holds her most cherished memories.

Shawn’s breath comes out in an eager huff. “Yeah.”

“I want to introduce you to another friend.”

Shawn’s fingers grip the duvet, then slacken as he wills himself not to get so worked up that he comes when she looks at him next.

Penny slips the toy into her hand and behind her back. She surveys him, feeling her panties dampen as she does. He’s the picture of content submission, has possibly never looked more comfortable around her. He’s wearing a lazy smile despite all the blood in his cock. His skin is glowing pink, his arms shake a little holding himself up. His eyes are on hers, not on her tits or her legs or trying to look at what’s behind her back.

Slowly, Penny reveals the gold cock ring, wearing it around two of her fingers with the sexiest, most devious grin Shawn’s ever seen. With a flick of her thumb against the little remote in her other hand, it starts vibrating loudly.

“Holy fucking shit.”

Penny strolls toward the bed, again in no rush. She eyes the toy, playing with different vibration settings, relishing the heat in Shawn’s gaze as it spreads over her. She stops beside the bed, passing it back and forth in her warm, soft hands. Shawn pants like a dog.

“Have you ever tried one before?”

He shakes his head. She nods, unsurprised but undeterred. The gentle whirring of the toy stops when she turns it off and places it beside him. His eyes follow it curiously.

She cups a hand under his chin, drawing his gaze back up. He wets his lips and smiles at the sight of her. Penny swallows and turns, lifting her hair over her shoulder. The shoulder blades he lusts over are proudly on display.

Penny glances at him. “Help me with my zipper, baby.”

He tamps down a smile at the name and at the familiarity and comfort buried in the request. He sits forward, ignoring the throb of his eager cock, and stares at the warm skin of her back as he drags the zipper of the dress down over the swell of her ass. He pauses, holding the zipper between his fingers. Before he can think to stop himself, he leans in, lips parted, eyes closed.

He gets as far as a brush of his nose against the unblemished skin before she turns.

Shawn’s eyes are down like a scolded puppy. It gives her a little thrill that he knows her rules so well. Even when he tries to break them.

“Ok,” she breathes, lowering onto her knees in front of him, pressing her hands into the duvet on either side of his legs. He watches her like a hawk as she descends.

“You took your spankings so well for me. So I’ll make you a deal. You get one kiss. It has to last you a while, so you better make it count.”

Shawn hesitates at the end of the bed. He looks between Penny’s deeply brown eyes and her still perfect glossy red lips. He lunges at them like a kid at a cookie jar.

The kiss is fierce, teeth clanging, tongues slipping, noises of shock and interest from them both as he takes what he needs. She gives it willingly, pushing back against him with her hands in his hair, breath hitching at the way his fingertips slide from the nape of her neck down between her shoulder blades.

Penny needs a final three second count before she can pull away, their lips separating with a sucking wet sound that makes her thighs press together under her dress. When she looks up at him, she growls so loud she can feel it in her whole body.

The lower half of his face is covered in red gloss. His hair is sticking up all over. His cock continues twitching against his stomach. His eyes are glazed over.

“Jesus,” she breathes, “What are you doing to me, Shawn?”

Shawn licks his lips in a way that Penny can tell is instinctive, absent-minded, like he just wants to keep tasting her mouth. She eases back, content and a little smug as she shimmies out of her dress down to a strapless black lace bra and matching thong. Those follow the dress into a forgotten heap.

“Can you behave yourself now that you’ve had a taste?”

Shawn’s smile is small and a little bashful. He nods and eases back on his elbows, watching as she stands and reaches for the toy.

She looks down at it fondly, then up at him through her lashes. “Bought this just for you, you know.”

His eyebrows lift. He giggles, embarrassed and delighted. “R-really? Just… wow.”

Her sweet smile holds something behind it that makes Shawn’s stomach swoop. She licks her swollen lips, her lipstick smeared and blotchy but Shawn swears he likes it better that way.

“I bought it because you’re my good boy.”

She tilts her head. He flushes.

“But you’ve still been bad. So what do I do about that?” she muses. Shawn stays quiet, but clears his throat softly, like he can’t stand to leave her question unanswered.

She smirks. “Guess we’ll find out.”

With a hand firm against his chest, she pushes him backwards to lie down. He settles, his hands resting on his stomach, inches away from where he aches for her. He presses his cheek into the pillow, nuzzling it for comfort. Penny loves watching clients when they’ve totally let go like this -- unabashed, unself-conscious, seeking comfort wherever they can. That’s what they came for, after all.

She bites her tongue, fingers running along the edge of the ring as she talks herself out of crawling up to sit on his face. As satisfying as it would be for her, she knows how bad he wants it, can tell by the way he keeps wetting his lips and gazing down at her, trying to hide his hunger. She wants to let him starve a little longer.

She straddles his legs and presses the ring down over the head of his cock, adjusting as she goes. They’re not usually designed to be put on when the dick is already hard, but the one she got for Shawn is top of the line and adjustable. He sighs, relieved at her touch, fingers trembling against his abdomen.

“Uhm,” His voice sounds swollen and raspy, “What’s… it supposed to do?”

Penny squeezes her fingers around the gold-plated ring until it’s snug, watching his throat bob as she does. She lifts the corner of her mouth.

“Magic,” she sighs, pressing the remote so the ring starts to pulse, gentle and steady around Shawn’s cock.

His mouth falls open and releases a low whine. His ass clenches against the mattress and his head falls back, momentarily overwhelmed by the sudden sensation. Fueled by his reaction, Penny lowers herself, sprawled out over his legs on the lower half of the bed. She traces one perfect fingertip up the shaft of his cock to tease the head, wanting to hear that pretty noise again. Like he knows what she wants, he makes it even louder, but it’s so heady and sweet she knows it’s not intentional.

“I love that noise,” she purrs, closing her eyes and letting her lips trail over the same path her finger took. Shawn’s legs twitch hard beneath her. She glances down at his thick, tensed thighs, how pale they look against the navy duvet and her own deeply tanned skin.

When she looks back up, he’s staring at her like a drunken sailor at a mermaid. She smiles and cups a hand around his vibrating cock, pressing little kisses around the head.

“How does it feel, baby?”

Shawn died. He died and went to heaven. It’s the only explanation for this otherworldly feeling of pleasure. He’s never been so high off a feeling like this without too quickly tripping into an orgasm. He’s afraid to move, afraid to speak in case it triggers a climax that they’re not ready for. He takes a deep, steadying breath and moans his response.

“Fuckkkk.”

Before his wrecked voice can trail off, Penny slips him into her mouth, hollowing her cheeks as she slowly sucks him down until her smeared lips meet the vibrator. Shawn gasps so loud and so suddenly he chokes on it, swearing under his breath.

He looks down at her. He can feel everything from the way her silky hair tumbles against his stomach and thighs to the way her wet mouth complements the pulsing from the cock ring. She goes slow, drenching him, lowering her head to take him all the way back in her throat before lifting again and repeating until his flushed cock is soaked. 

“Penny, oh my god,” he sobs, shaking his head, stomach quivering as she starts to move faster, sucking when she lifts up to focus on his sensitive head.

She graces him with a dark-eyed look that warns him without words not to come until she gives him permission. He’s not at all sure of how long he can control himself, even for her.

But he needs this. Giving into her is the only thing that drives out everything else -- the stress, the distraction, the lies. The only thing that works is focusing on pleasing her. So if she wants to keep him from coming, he’ll fucking curl his toes and hold on.

His eyes scrunch when she tongues at his slit, making a little moaning sound of her own like she’s enjoying sucking him like this, like she’s been waiting for it. He turns his head and croaks a pathetic sound that makes her look up and press a button on the remote.

The pulsing ceases. Shawn blinks, the fog in his head lifting a bit as he watches her shift against his thighs, tonguing at his head some more. He sniffles gently, his breathing thick and heavy like it’s hard to exhale. He focuses on watching her wet little tongue on his skin.

“My good boy,” she praises softly, closing her eyes as she trails off to his hipbone to give him a break. He closes his eyes, reveling in her words. As she leaves a reddening oval on his hip, he watches, coming back to himself.

“Doesn’t it feel good, Shawn? Letting me have you like this?”

God, she has no fucking idea. How can he even begin to express it? He shakes his head weakly. He knows even the outrageous sums of money he’s paid her over the past few weeks isn’t enough gratitude. Timidly, he lifts his hand and tucks some hair behind her ear, the smallest gesture of care he can think to offer in return. The look of wide-eyed reluctance and surprise, and something he can’t quite place, is as honest as he’s ever seen her.

“Thank you.”

His voice is hoarse. Her cheeks go warm. She turns her face back down to the hickey on his hip. She kisses it with her swollen mouth.

She gets him to the edge three more times before she whispers over the louder thrumming of the vibrating toy to come in her mouth. He sobs her name over and over, convulsing against the bed, his cheeks and chest as inflamed as the head of his cock as he spills down her willing throat while her hips snap hard against the mattress.

He keeps thanking her over and over while she cleans him up, with mumbled words, with warm looks, with little kisses on whatever skin he can reach until she lies beside him, lets him rest his head on her chest as he strokes her side.

“Can I ask you something?”

His voice is even and a little worn, but not thready and vibrating, ready to snap like she heard it earlier. She closes her eyes and nods.

“How… do you have anything left? You… I mean, this must take so much out of you. How do you have anything left for you?”

Her eyes flutter open. She looks down at his curls that smell like hotel shampoo. Thank god those perfect brown eyes aren’t staring up at her while he asks something like this, something she’s not sure she’s ever been asked by a client.

She focuses on petting his hair like a cat and staring up at the ceiling.

“It’s not draining for me,” she responds, feeling her honest words click into place inside her head like a satisfying puzzle, “I get as much out of this as you do, believe it or not. That’s how a good D/s relationship works. It’s completely mutually beneficial, the give and take of it is two-sided. Always.”

“Like yin and yang,” Shawn yawns. She smiles.

“Yeah. Without me, you’d crave it -- the feeling you get when you know you can drop everything in my arms and let me care for you. And without you…”

She stops, watches Shawn shift so he can look up at her face while she speaks. His eyes sparkle like he’s brand fucking new again.

“Without you everything would feel so out of control.” Her voice breaks. 

Shawn blinks. It was more honesty than he was bargaining for. His head swims in it.

She needs him. She… needs him.

Not for the first time in her arms between orgasms like this, he finds himself fighting to remember that she’s paid to be here, just like she’s paid to hold all her other clients after they’ve come hard for her. 

He’s not her only good boy.

+

They stay up talking for a while. Shawn asks about Pammy like he always does, now convinced she’s real (otherwise Penny is the most talented liar ever). He opens up, just a crack, about the meeting this afternoon, the plan to step up the visits and the PDA. He doesn’t shrink away from her when he says it, like he does when he explains it to his parents or his friends. He already knows there’s no hiding from her. He doesn’t want to, anyway.

He falls asleep, she follows. She wakes up two hours later to him nuzzling against her chest like a needy puppy, pressing wet kisses to her full, sunkissed breasts. He lifts his eyes to hers when he hears her breathing change cadence. He watches her stretch beneath him, drowsy and warm to the touch. He moves his kisses to her nipples, suckling at them, humming at the noises his mouth makes against her skin.

Penny bites her lip and sifts her fingers through his hair, pleased to find him needy before he even has her awake again.

“Hi,” she breathes.

Shawn reluctantly releases her swelling nipple and nudges it with his nose, “Hi. Can I please make you come now?”

Penny squirms beneath him in that deliciously vulnerable, just-woke-up kind of way. She tugs at his hair to watch his eyes flutter.

“What do you have in mind, baby?”

Before he can stop himself, Shawn’s eyes fall to her case. Penny’s brows lift in response.

“Go ahead. You can look. I get veto power, though.”

Shawn snorts a chuckle and practically springs off the bed, stark naked. Penny’s head lolls in his direction, admiring the angry red marks on his ass from his earlier punishment. She reaches out with her fingertips to smooth over them, mewling.

“Good boy,” she says sleepily.

Shawn smiles at her, soft and close-lipped over his shoulder. He turns his attention back to the suitcase full of colorful toys and shifts them around curiously.

“I don’t even know what half this stuff is,” he admits, poking at a set of what he guesses are kegel beads but he can’t be sure.

“Maybe you’ll find out,” Penny answers, sounding a little more awake. Shawn chews on his lip and reaches for a small baby pink silicone bullet vibe. He tests the vibration settings in the palm of his hand and finds himself impressed, but not surprised. Of course Penny would only have the best of the best.

“Are any of these just yours?” he wonders, glancing back at her again. She’s sitting up and stretching, her arms over her head, pulling her shapely breasts high and taut.

She shrugs, dropping her arms. “I have my favorites. My personal stash is at home, though.”

He blinks quickly and focuses on the toy in his hands to keep from imagining what might be in that stash of hers.

He turns, holding the little pink bullet. She smiles and nods.

He perches beside her on the bed, looking her over as she lies back down, her hair spreading behind her in chocolatey tendrils.

“What am I allowed to touch?” he nearly croaks.

Penny shifts against the sheets and he knows it’s intentional. It’s a graceful writhe, like she’s showing herself off to him. Not that he needs her to at this point.

“Whatever you want.”

Shawn’s cheeks burn. He doesn’t hide his look of surprise. She doesn’t usually give him free reign. His brain trips him up without guidance. He’s so used to taking instruction from her that he has to remind himself to follow his instincts. It’s not unwelcome.

Shawn lowers himself beside her long, soft body, focusing like he did before on her chest. He woke up pressed against her pretty tits and has felt drawn to them since. He closes his eyes, lets his free hand wander her every edge and curve while his palm sweats around the vibrator. After a few long minutes, when he feels her breathing shorten and can see her thighs pressing together beneath him, he turns it on in his hand.

Penny spreads her legs automatically in response to the sound. The wet noise of her pussy lips separating has his mouth watering, but he has another idea.

He slides up her body, tucking his face into the crook of her neck. In the flat of his hand, he cups the bullet against her right breast, massaging her gently.

At her little mewling noise, Shawn looks up. Her soft, shimmery eyelids have fallen shut and her lips are parted. He’s doing something right. He adds a bit more pressure, gripping her breast harder, shifting the vibe so it skims the outer edge of her areola.

“Mmmm,” Penny encourages, nodding weakly, now writhing a little beneath him in a totally reflexive way. She’s not showing off anything now.

Shawn sucks at her collarbone, careful to keep his pressure light enough and moving around so as not to leave a mark without permission. One of her arms is limp beside her halo of curls, the other hand is buried in his hair, fingertips curling slightly against his scalp as he experiments.

“Feel good?” he breathes, craving her praise.

“So good,” she confirms, giving it back willingly, “So… good to me.”

Egged on, Shawn continues, working the vibe around in his palm to circle around her flushed, puckered nipple without letting up to give her too much relief, especially once he notices her grinding her perfect ass into the bed. He hums into her throat, drowning himself in the scent of her citrusy, beachy perfume and something warm, like fresh laundry.

Shawn lifts his head and looks down at her. He wants to watch her face when he presses the tip of the vibe to her nipple. Her mouth drops open, her back arches slightly and she releases the prettiest noise he’s ever heard, a breathless whimper so soft and so genuine. He grunts in response and feels himself harden further against his thigh. He can feel that his body wants a piece of this action but he rejects the idea outright. He can’t focus on her that way. He wants this just for her.

He pulls the vibe away. A wrinkle shows up between her eyebrows and she looks like she’s about to protest, but he drops his head to wet her nipple with his tongue and blow, watching the already hard bud twitch as gooseflesh forms around it.

“Shawn,” Penny whines sweetly. She wants more. She needs more. He’ll give her more.

He wets her skin again and presses the short shaft of the vibe against her nipple, rolling it back and forth. Penny hisses a swear, her legs spreading, her hips rocking.

He glances down, unsure if he should move on, but like she can read his big dumb mind, she shakes her head fervently.

“Don’t stop.”

The command is weak and soft, like a plea. Shawn’s cheeks go pinker. He nods and switches breasts, repeating the same motions, throwing in some extra squeezes and teases to keep her guessing.

Penny pants, dazed, sure she’s dripping all over the duvet. Part of her wants to drag him, position him so his thigh is between her legs for some friction, but she’s enjoying this singular pleasure too much. And even more, the curious way he keeps looking up at her as he experiments, so eager to please.

“Oh!” she squeaks suddenly when he’s got the tip of the vibe pressed tight to one nipple, pulsing frantically, and his teeth around the other, and oh shit--

“I’m… oh my god, I’m gonna come!”

Shawn’s eyes lift but he knows better than to move his mouth if what he’s doing is working. He presses a little firmer with the vibe, swirling it between his fingers desperately to add to the sensation, and bites a little harder.

Penny’s eyes snap shut. She gasps, clapping her legs together, squeezing her thighs around nothing as she gushes from between them. Shawn laps at her breasts, holds her chest down as she thrashes. This orgasm is shorter and not as intense as some others he’s provided, but he’s so amazed that it’s happening at all without touching her pussy that he just holds on until she’s finished.

Her eyes drift open. She looks more dazed than in her usual afterglow.

“Have you…” he pants, shaking his head in wonder, “Has that--”

“Nope,” she chokes, laughing a little, “That’s… new.”

He can’t help himself. His hips snap against the mattress for some relief, overwhelmingly aroused by the idea that he just gave her something no one ever has before, and she’s... been around.

He must look smug as hell because she giggles and shakes her head. “Would you like a trophy?”

Shawn smacks loud, wet kisses up her chest until he reaches her cheek, which he pecks over and over through a grin until she’s laughing hard in the way he’s only heard after they’ve been in bed together a while. The sound starts a fire in his belly.

“No, but I’ll take a kiss.”

Penny’s eyes go narrow and squinty as she grins. She nods and pecks his lips a few times, leaning into the last kiss to make it count, cupping her hand beneath his chin.

She pulls away. He licks his lips. Her eyes wander over him for a few moments. She looks back at the case.

“If you bring me that black pouch, I’ll show you what else you can take.”

Shawn’s jaw drops.

+

Penny sits back in the overstuffed dining chair, pleasantly hazy with wine and filled by a meal so expensive even Silver, who’s picking up the tab, rolled her eyes at the bill when she scrawled her spiky “S” signature under her overgenerous tip.

Silver is gazing out at what she can see of Rodeo Drive from the hidden restaurant, fiddling with the pendant against her chest. Dinner at one of LA’s finest dining establishments is a nightly affair for Silver, who hasn’t cooked since last Thanksgiving, and that was only because Penny wrangled her into making yams for their friends dinner. Penny is certainly not unused to the star treatment like she gets whenever she goes anywhere with Silver, but she rather likes to cook, so going out is more of a special treat than a routine.

Penny nudges her Miu Miu platform against Silver’s leg under the table.

“What are you thinking about, lady?”

Silver smiles in that way that makes Penny want to swaddle her and shut out the world for a while. She looks her actual age when she smiles like that. She looks tired.

“Just… thinking.”

Penny long ago accepted Silver is not the kind of best friend that tells you every concern on her mind or every trouble on her plate. It doesn’t mean she loves Penny any less, or doesn’t trust her. Penny jokes that Silver is a stubborn oyster working on a perfect pearl. But the truth is, Penny’s ok if Silver never opens up enough for Penny to get to see it.

Penny nods warmly and shifts in her seat. She clears her throat delicately, enough for Silver to turn her gaze and smile, giving her her attention.

“I’ve been thinking, too,” Penny begins. Silver notes the hesitancy in her voice and, somehow, the certainty that lies beneath it. She nods for Penny to continue.

Penny wets her mauve matte lips. “I’ve been considering ways to convert some of my earnings to legitimate interests. I feel safer that way. It’s not just me, you know? It’s for Peter, too. I have to be smart for him.”

Silver nods, stoic.

Penny swallows and sits up. “So I’ve been working in my free time, putting together a proposal for you. I think La Splendeur could stand to give back a little. We employ courtesans, women somewhat arbitrarily considered the “cream of the crop.” There are so many other women, as I know you know, that walk down Hollywood Boulevard doing what is essentially the same work we do, that are not so highly sought after. They are disenfranchised, often controlled by men who abuse their power in some way or another, and still so heavily stigmatized. I think we can afford to offer them resources. I’m proposing that we start a non-profit venture to support our sisters that need us the most.”

Silver remains completely straight faced. She tips back the last sip of her glass of port and places it aside, her fat emerald ring glinting in the candlelight as a server scurries up to clear it. Penny holds her gaze.

Silver smiles. She looks less stretched and overdrawn.

“I look forward to your proposal.”

Penny nods. They both turn in sync, gazing back out the window.

-----------

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[glasspunkart]

Figure study (2/3): Kevin

Figure study chapter two: Kevin

Nobody in the history of exy, college or the universe, has ever tried to deny that Kevin Day is attractive. He's frustratingly attractive in every possible fashion, he's attractive in every advertisement, interview, game and accidental candid that anyone has ever seen him in. He's attractive in his exy armour, in his casual clothes, in whatever anyone tries to put him in, and in nothing.

The most frustrating part of it all is that Andrew cannot stop looking. He gets the urge to push Kevin's hair back, randomly and then he has to physically remove himself from the area to resist sliding his hand along Kevin's soft cheeks and prominent collarbone, to see the echo of questioning embarrassment in his bright green eyes and his annoyingly pretty eyelashes that would brush against Andrew's fingers.

Andrew pretends not to look, pretends to be preoccupied by the fire of his lighter and the smoke from his cigarette when he watches Kevin play alone every night. He's not very subtle though, the stadium is empty save for him and Kevin, he has nothing to do but stare and pretend like he isn't looking at the curve of his waist or the way his shoulders flex when he takes a shot.

And then he doesn't have to pretend and doesn't have to hold back sliding his hands down Kevin's back and waist and hips and lower.

Andrew's never been able to hide how his attraction shows in gestures.

Once it starts, Andrew can't stop wanting to kiss Kevin. One time he catches him out of the shower, towel dangerously low on the gentle dip of his hips below his tantalising v-line, and he's literally across the room in half a second. He smells like green apple conditioner and some sort of perfume, like he always does, and Andrew's restraint strains as his heart flips in his chest when Kevin glances up at him over his phone and then throws the stupid thing on a pile of clothes and says 'yes' to Andrew as much as he needs to hear it. And Andrew is further infuriated by the press of soft skin turning to hard muscle of Kevin's arms, his chest, the callous of his wrist and palm, and how easily he melts when Andrew's hand winds through his hair.

He shouldn't be this stricken but he is, when Kevin's legs wrap around his waist and squeeze, when his smile is softer for Andrew and he tilts his cheek into Andrew's palm.

It makes his chest hurt and makes it impossible to hide the emotion in his eyes until he's taken his drugs again.

Eden's twilight is where Andrew notices that Neil is into Kevin too. It's on a dingy night after a stressful week, there's fog outside and Nicky has managed to get eyeliner and some faintly glittery eyeshadow onto Kevin, and Andrew will never admit to swooning but he definitely did, more than once, and his eyes catch Neil's over him doing the same, tripping over a table.

It only intensifies after time has passed, when they can easily get their hands on Kevin but still watch him, watch the mesh sleeves of the shirt Neil had bought for him fit against his arms when he leans on the table, the dip of his back and curve and edge of muscle when he tips a shot back and now that he actually looks at Andrew and Neil in the club neither of them have any chance of a thought process.

They buy him the eye shadow, of course, and though he doesn't use it Andrew bends his pride and asks Nicky to do it.

The dark Kohl liner does a lot for his eyelashes too, and Andrew can see Neil's eyes widen when Kevin's face is near his and fuck, his lips look so soft, Andrew can barely bring himself to blink. He can swear his lungs have forgotten how to breathe when Kevin is that close to him, the faint smell of club smoke and alcohol clinging to him and his eyes still so unbearably beautiful they make his mouth go dry. He hasn't figured out if they're cerulean or forest when Kevin asks to kiss him, and then he forgets to wonder.

Neil had always known the attractiveness of Kevin's figure. It'd been like a fact of nature, the trees are green, strawberries are red, Kevin Day is hot as fuck. And pretty as fuck. He'd always give Neil this wide eyed, soft smile, back when he was Nathaneil and they were younger, he'd hold Neil's hand when he tripped, and he still does that now. If Neil takes an extra few seconds to get up when Kevin is pulling him up, nobody points it out.

However, being in close contact is very very different from just knowing that Kevin is attractive. Now it's in his face, now he can't help but notice it more, that Kevin has soft lips and pretty fingers and well-defined thighs.

He has runner's legs, long and lean and muscled, and his arms and hands are defined like a sculpture. That's it: Kevin Day is like a statue sculpture. And yet, he's soft, Neil notices when Kevin's hair is mussed from running his hand through it, when his reading glasses have slid down his nose and his fingers still twirl the pencil in his hand as something like a nervous tick. His features soften and relax and his shoulders drop a fraction of an inch as he smiles at Neil, taking his hand, and Neil falls in love even more, if that's remotely possible at this point.

Then Andrew opens the door, Kevin turns that smile to him, and Neil knows he's not alone by just the widening of Andrew's eyes. He almost wants to chuckle, and then he actually does, Andrew tells him to shut up and Kevin's brows furrow in confusion until Andrew's arms slide around Kevin's shoulders after a brief question and Neil squeezes his hand.

Kevin, for the most part, is used to stares. He's used to every type of glance there is, and used to shelving his reactions as someone who's in the media a lot. What he isn't used to is the way Neil and Andrew give him those particular looks of theirs that isn't like any fan might be but also far more intense. Perhaps it's instinct, perhaps he just knows them, but he arches his back further and he does his stretches for longer, and he keeps his grin to himself. Or rather, if they'd noticed, they've been distracted.

[walkerismychoice]

Stripped Bare - Chapter 5

Book: Open Heart

Pairing: Bryce X MC (Charlie Hawkins)

Summary: Charlie and Bryce arrive at the resort and make preparations for the first wedding event.

Rating: 18+ - Nothing explicit but a bit NSFW-ish in parts

Word Count: 2138

The hotel shuttle pulls up in front of the luxurious Half Moon Resort in Montego Bay. The landscaping is well appointed with large palm trees, brilliant tropical florals, and lush foliage surrounding the pristine white building.

Bryce steps out of the vehicle and lets out a low whistle. "It's no Motel 6, but it will do."

Charlie chuckles. "I can see if there's one nearby if you want to crash there instead."

As they approach the desk, Charlie has a sudden realization. She had booked the room when she and Andrew were were still together and only needed one bed. "Excuse, me," she addresses the woman at the front desk. "I wanted to see if I could switch my room type. I had a single king, but could I get a two queens instead?”

“Let me see.” She checks the computer. “I’m sorry miss, but the block of rooms for the wedding is fully booked, and it looks like we are almost booked solid throughout the resort. This is a very busy week for us. We do have a Prestige Ocean Suite available for $1500 per night. It’s very private and spacious and has an pull-out sofa in addition to the king-size bed.”

“$1500 per night?” It’s almost five times what she’s paying for the standard room, but what’s an extra $8000 when this trip is already costing her close to $20,000 altogether already? She shakes her head in disbelief at the thought she would consider spending that much more so they could have their own beds, but at the same time, him sleeping in bed with her is not part of the deal. “That’s quite a bit more than I was expecting to spend. Are you sure there’s nothing else?”

Just then, Bryce crooks his finger at the clerk to urge her closer, and he leans over the counter to whisper in her ear. A huge grin appears on her face and then she clicks her mouse of few times and clacks on the keyboard. “Well then, it looks like I’ll be able to give you a free upgrade. Here are your keys and some information on the resort. I’ve circled the location of your suite right here. Please don’t hesitate to let me know if I can assist you further.”

“Thanks, Marica.” Bryce winks at her. “My wife and I really appreciate it. Don’t we, babe?”

Charlie is too stunned by the whole ordeal to to anything but say “thank you” and accept the keys. “What just happened there?” she asks once they are out of earshot. “Your wife?”

“Hey, I was thinking on my feet. I told her you were pregnant and this was our last big trip before the baby comes... I also told her you sometimes wet the bed due to your pregnancy hormones, so we can’t sleep together.

Charlie halts in her tracks. “Oh my god Bryce, you did not!”

Bryce smirks. “Nah, I didn’t have to go that far. I mean, who could say no to this face?”

Charlie rolls her eyes, but if there are people who out there who can resist Bryce’s charms, she’s definitely not one of them. “You are something else.”

“Hey, I’m just taking full advantage of what God gave me.” He puts his free arm around her shoulder. “Stick with me and you could learn a thing or two.”

They reach their room and Charlie takes a good look around. As promised there is a bedroom with a king bed, and a main living room area with the pullout couch, in addition to a dining area with a full dining room table. It’s much bigger than she expected, and has to be bigger square footage-wise than the apartment she and Sienna share. Charlie quietly takes it all in, while Bryce zips around, checking everything out.

“Holy shit!" Bryce exclaims from inside the bathroom. I think I could fit my entire apartment in here. And look!" He appears in the doorway holding two white robes. "His and hers bathrobes! We can sit on the balcony in the mornings sipping coffee in our matching robes."

Charlie chuckles. "I don't think we have to take the fake couple thing that far."

There's a knock on the door, and Charlie answers it to see the hotel porter with the rest of her and Bryce's luggage. She thanks him and slips him a tip, while Bryce helps her bring the bags and suitcases inside.

"Why don't you show me what you brought, so we can make sure we don't need to get you anything else," Charlie suggests.

"Don't worry, Charlie. I have an appropriate stripper outfit for every occasion," he jokes and Charlie just stands with her hands on her hips and an unenthused look on her face. "Okay, fine." Bryce starts to unzip the garment bags. "Does anyone ever say you can stand to lighten up a bit?"

All the time. "I just want to make sure, for both your sake and mine. After today we aren't going to have much free time." She inspects the outfits as Bryce brings lays them out, and is, much to her surprise, very impressed with his choices.

"Just because I spend a lot of time taking off my clothes, doesn't mean I can't figure out what to put on. I'm told I clean up very well."

"I'm sorry to have doubted you," Charlie replies sincerely. She'd foolishly assumed from outward appearances she had Bryce all figured out, but he keeps proving her wrong, in a good way, at every turn. "We have a couple hours now before we need to go for dinner if you want some time to yourself"

"I think I'm going to hit up the gym. I didn't get a chance to get my workout in this morning. Care to join me?" he asks, and she can't tell if he actually wants her to come or if he's just being polite.

“No, that’s okay. I think I’m just going to take a nap. I didn’t get much sleep last night, and it’s been a long day.” 

Charlie waits until Bryce leaves, but when she gets in bed, she’s restless, and as much as she doesn’t want to, all she can think about is him. She closes her eyes and sees his handsome, smiling face and an unwelcome fuzzy feeling washes over her. She can still feel his little touches on her her hand, her arm, her shoulder, like they are burned into her skin. "Ugh, get a hold of yourself." She groans out loud. She feels like a twelve year old with a crush on a boy. She throws off the sheet and jumps out of bed. "Might as well shower and get ready if I'm not going to sleep."

Bryce hadn’t been kidding when he’d said the bathroom was huge. There’s a separate water closet for the toilet, a walk in shower stall, and a large open area with double sinks and a spacious whirlpool tub, all tiled from floor. On the countertop Charlie spots a towel sculpture in the shape of a swan with rose petals sprinkled on and around it. Charlie has stayed in a lot of nice places, but this is almost over the top. 

She closes her eyes as the hot water from the shower envelops her, and she washes the stench of travel away. Despite her best intentions, her thoughts drift to Bryce again, wondering what he’s doing in the gym. She imagines his muscles flexed and glistening with sweat - him coming back to the room and sneaking into the shower with her. She runs her hands down her body, lower and lower, pretending they aren’t her own. “God, Charlie. What the hell are you doing?” She abruptly turns the water to cold to cool herself down. What if he had come back and heard her moaning his name? She would have never lived that down. 

Charlie gets out and dries herself off. She foregoes the robe because it’s a short trip to her bedroom, and the late afternoon tropical breeze is hot. She wraps one towel around her body and another around her hair. Just as she walks through the door frame, she screams as she crashes hard into Bryce’s shirtless, firm body. In the commotion she forgets the that her hands are the only thing holding her towel up, her arms flailing to try and keep her balance and her towel dropping to the floor. Bryce grabs her bare waist just before she topples to the ground. They both stare at each other, momentarily in shock, until Charlie notices Bryce’s gaze sliding over her body, and she whips the town off the ground and wraps it around herself again. “Oh my god. Oh my god,” she repeats over again as all other words fail her, and she flushes hot with mortification.

“Charlie, it’s not a big deal,” Bryce tries to reassure her. “You’ve seen me without my clothes on before. Now we’re even.”

“Even?!” she practically screeches. “I don’t think me seeing you in skimpy underwear really compares.”

Bryce smirks. “I’m going to get in the shower now myself. You are welcome to sneak a peek.”

“Ew, no!...I mean, I’ll just see you at six when it’s time to leave. Fully clothed.” She puts her head down and scurries into her room without waiting for a response from Bryce. 

Charlie flops down on the bed and pulls a pillow over her face. She may have just experienced the single most embarrassing moment in her entire life. As if it wasn’t bad enough that Bryce saw her in all her glory, she actually said ‘ew’ to the prospect of seeing him naked too. Of all the responses she could have made, what would possess her brain to find that most appropriate?

The truth is she would very much like to see him naked, and when she hears the shower running through the door from her room to the bathroom, the desire grows even stronger. She turns on her blowdryer to dry her hair, hoping the noise will drown out her thoughts, but it doesn’t work. All she can thinking about is the water streaming down over the hard planes of his chest, his hands running over his slick, soapy body. She wonders if he's touching himself while he's thinking about her, but she quickly shakes of that thought because he can’t be as perverted as she is.

Charlie puts in her wireless earbuds and blasts her favorite playlist so she can focus on the task at hand. She takes extra time to do her hair and makeup, not because she’s really into that sort of thing, but because it’s better than the prospect of having to make small talk with Bryce right now. She puts on her deep green cocktail dress and it fits like a glove. She’s not even self conscious about the extra pounds she’s put on since starting medical school because it accentuates her curves in all the right ways, and she decides there really is something to buying expensive clothing. The v-neck keyhole cutout detail shows just enough skin, and the color brightens the green in her eyes. Although the thought had crossed her mind to completely blow off all of her cousin Katelyn’s outfit suggestions in protest, Charlie decided to go in the opposite direction go all in. If she was going to go to great lengths to make it look like she had the life together, she wasn’t going to do it halfway. She takes a spin in front of the full length mirror, pleased with her efforts, and steels herself to face Bryce again.

Bryce stands up from the couch and lets out a whistle as Charlie walk out into the living area. “Damn, Charlie. You look stunning!” 

Normally that type of compliment from him would get her all flustered, but she’s already too distracted by his appearance to form coherent thoughts. His hair is expertly mussed like always, and the blazer of his fitted navy suit hangs open revealing his pale blue dress shirt, the top couple buttons undone. The suit fits so perfectly it had to be tailored to him. The hemline of the pants just above the ankles, and she wonders if she belongs in Regency England because that small flash of skin is obscenely sexy. “....And you look....”

“I look fucking amazing. It’s okay, you can say it.”

Charlie laughs under her breath, thankful for the break in the tension. “Just when I think you can’t get any more arrogant...”

“Not arrogant, confident. Remember? You hired me to be your arm candy, and I’m taking my job very seriously. So come on, he urges as he offers her his elbow. Let’s go show me off to your family and friends.”

[nightquills]

happy birthday, neil

once the upperclassmen + nicky begin to comprehend the degree to which neil’s childhood absolutely Sucked, they band together to give him a lot of the stereotypical birthday parties that he missed out on growing up

and let’s be real, none of the other foxes had particularly easy childhoods either. it’s a chance for them all to do the things that they wish they could have when they were younger too

there’s some debate over whether to celebrate on neil’s real birthday, or the one that he chose when he first became neil josten

on one hand, they want to respect the truth that he’s given them about who he really is, and maybe celebrating in january would show their appreciation for that?

but they also know that his real birthday doesn’t have the best associations for neil, and they wonder if it would be better to pick the newer date that doesn’t have those shadows hanging over it 

(and when dan asked neil about it in TKM, he said that they could do something for march 31st)

maybe enough time has passed since last year’s bullshit with riko and neil’s father, though? 

ultimately they decide fuck it—january 19th and march 31st are far enough away that they can justify celebrating both to themselves

bowling party!!!

it should come as no surprise that neil gets super competitive over it and promptly decides he is in it to win it. despite the fact that he has never bowled in his life before 

give the boy an A for effort, but every other ball goes in the gutter

cue the teasing asking if he wants one of those ramp things for children to help him line it up, to which neil pouts very extensively   

renee comes out on top every single game

when asked how she does it, she says that she used to chaperone a lot of the activities for the kids at her church, and bowling was a pretty common one

allison complains about how gross and outdated the bowling shoes are. and honestly? she’s right

andrew tries to subtly flex on everyone by picking one of the heaviest bowling balls, and neil laughs when he notices

there’s something about bowling alley pizza that always slaps, so of course they order pizzas to split between them all

kevin has worn himself out trying to convince everyone to eat more healthy food, so he just orders a pizza with literally every available vegetable on it. he’s the only one that eats any of it, bless his heart

of course the foxes get into the famed debate over whether pineapple is an appropriate pizza topping. it gets very loud 

arcade party!!!

they originally wanted to do chuck-e-cheese but they realize that the complete lack of children in their group rules that out

aaron and andrew do not appreciate the suggestion that they might be short enough to pass for children, thanks, go fuck yourself

they do find another arcade though 

there’s a laser tag room in this one, but they quickly realize that that’s probably not the best idea for a person who has literally been shot at multiple times in the past. so they skip that 

neil and kevin get in a skee ball competition 

kevin tries to lecture neil about proper technique. “you have got to be fucking kidding me,” neil says

matt teaches neil how to do dance dance revolution

matt is very good. neil almost falls on his face because he’s not using the railings at first

allison loves venting her rage via whack-a-mole

dan is the queen of pac-man

andrew and aaron team up against nicky and renee for air hockey

the whole group tries to test their athlete reflexes on that one game where you have to slam the button to stop it as close to the jackpot as possible 

andrew actually does hit the jackpot, and everyone is freaking out as he just stands there and stoically stares at the machine spewing out the tickets 

they pool all the tickets they’ve won together at the end so that neil can pick a prize for himself 

he gets a lava lamp, and he has just enough left over to get a little alien keychain that he promptly moves all of keys over to

build-a-bear party!!!

to the surprise of literally no one, neil chooses the fox

he’s given a hard time when he goes to choose the clothes for it. “neil, you better not dress him as badly as you do yourself” says allison, to widespread agreement from everyone else 

andrew picks a rabbit, to which neil pointedly raises his eyebrow

andrew deadpan says “aesthetic” as he grabs a little leather jacket to dress it

kevin complains about the lack of exy paraphernalia to dress up for his tiger

dan says that maybe he could stop by the school store on campus and get one of the school pride baby t-shirts they sell there

kevin pouts but eventually settles for a pirate look instead

aaron makes a koala in a cheer outfit to give to katelyn 

dan gets a t-rex and dresses it up like a rockstar

matt gets a bernese mountain dog and a boxing outfit

renee gets a frog and puts it in a pastel skirt and shirt combo

allison gets a hippo and a sequin dress with the matching headband 

nicky dresses his bear in a pink rainbow heart hoodie, surprising absolutely no one

imagine all the foxes looking at each other and trying not to crack up as they do the little stuffing/heart ceremony

god bless the poor employee that has to deal with their shit, honestly

karaoke party!!!

nicky is the most excited to do it, but he also takes forever to decide what song to do because there are so many he wants to sing 

eventually he decides that you can’t go wrong with queen or bi-con freddie mercury, so he does “don’t stop me now” 

the girls all decide to sing a song together—allison convinces them to do “how to be a heartbreaker”

matt is literally the personification of the heart eyes emoji as he watches dan sing

matt gets neil to do a duet with him, and they end up doing a very overblown rendition of “don’t go breaking my heart” 

dan makes a joke about feeling jealous, so matt serenades her with “treasure”

she won’t admit it over her laughter, but she’s actually very touched

renee does a lovely rendition of “rhiannon”

aaron sings “time to pretend”

everyone makes fun of kevin’s taste in music when he sings “other side”

he is dubbed “kevin ‘dad rock’ day” from that point on 

andrew flatly refuses to sing and no one is really willing to try and convince him on that one 

though he may not show it, he actually is very much enjoying seeing his teammates make fools of themselves

nicky make little party bags to pass around, including the stereotypical party bag favors 

little temporary tattoos

cue everyone teaming up to make fun of kevin by putting the gaudiest, sparkliest ones on their cheeks to make fun of his chess piece

little containers of bubbles with animals on the lids

imagine andrew getting annoyed with someone and blowing bubbles in their face with the most unimpressed fucking expression on his face until they shut up 

friendship bracelets

they laugh when they see them, but don’t let that fool you—almost everyone puts them on right away

glow stick necklaces

bouncy balls, which are inevitably taken to the next team practice and used to wreak havoc. poor wymack, honestly 

annoying party blowers

neil makes it his mission to sneak up on matt and blow it right in his ear, because matt jumps literally every single time 

a fuckton of candy

andrew would never say it, but he likes the goodie bags just for this fact alone

neil not so sneakily sneaks all of his candy into andrew’s bag

wacky sunglasses, which they promptly use to take a number of increasingly ridiculous group photos

they decide to do cupcakes instead of a real cake so that everyone can get the kind that they want

since neil isn’t a big sweets fan, they always get him one of those little fruit tarts instead 

when neil blows out the candles, his wish is that he’ll have the chance to make more happy memories with his family just like this

neil’s favorite part isn’t actually doing any of the things at his birthday parties; his favorite part is really that his friends were all together and laughing, and he saves every single picture taken

>ao3<

[beyond-the-yellowbrickroad]

Movies Watched in 2019 - Filmes assistidos em 2019 (part two / segunda parte)

111. About a Boy (2002) Directed by Chris Weitz, Paul Weitz

I liked it a lot! The Kid is amazing and just imagine my face when I found out he was Nicholas Hoult…

112. Hotel Mumbai (2018) Directed by Anthony Maras

It’s a very heavy movie to watch, even more because is based in a real life history… the amazing cast helps to make it even more realistic.

113. Toy Story 4 (2019) Directed by Josh Cooley

I’m angry and very disappointed. It may sound childish of me because “people change” and “leave our lives” but was that really necessary? I think NOT!

114. Widows (2018) Directed by Steve McQueen

I didn’t like it that much but it was probably my fault… I was expecting something more like Ocean’s 8, but it’s completely different from that. Anyway, the cast is great.

115. Final Destination (2000) Directed by James Wong

116. The Final Destination (2009) Directed by David R. Ellis

117. Final Destination 5 (2011) Directed by Steven Quale

So I re-watched all of the “Final Destination” Series at once, and I had the most fun!

I had already seen de second and the third one when I was little (I was about 6 or 7, grown ups were crazy in the early 2000′s) but I had never seen the others and, for my surprise, I loved almost all of them! (I really don’t like the fourth one and I rather pretend it doesn’t exist)

The second one is still my favorite, but the others are as crazy and fun! I LOVED IT!

AND THE ENDING OF THE FIFTH MOVIE, OMG, I WAS NOT READY!!!

118. Liar Liar (1997) Directed by Tom Shadyac

Jim Carrey making funny faces for no reason for 86 minutes straight

119. John Wick (2014) Directed by Chad Stahelski

120. John Wick: Chapter 2 (2017) Directed by Chad Stahelski

121. John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum (2019) Directed by Chad Stahelski

So I also watched all the “John Wick” movies all at once and all I can say is: it’s really great to see treined assassings kill people to revenge their dogs and to see Keanu Reeves being amazing, sexy AND kicking other people’s asses.

122. The Perfection (2018) Directed by Richard Shepard

I saw this weeks ago and I still am absolutely shocked with everything that happened in this movie

123. Us (2019) Directed by Jordan Peele

Literally, a masterpiece of horror and comedy. The cast it’s incredible!

124. The Lion King (2019) Directed by Jon Favreau

Nice, but… it’s the same as the original, but more… dull. Impossible not to have fun though, because it’s the same movie as the original.

125. Long Shot (2019) Directed by Jonathan Levine

Now I really want to go to a club with Charlize!!

126. The Angel (2018) ‘El Ángel’ Directed by Luis Ortega

Beautiful photography, and the cast is really great! The music is also incredible.

127. Hello, My Name Is Doris (2015) Directed by Michael Showalter

It’s a nice reminder that everyone has it’s own time for doing things… sometimes you star things eary and sometimes, other things happen in life before others, and that OK! I loved it!

128. The Lake House (2006) Directed by Alejandro Agresti

It’s romantic, well done and super interesting! Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock looked so good together! I really loved this sci-fi love story.

129. Pride & Prejudice (2005) Directed by Joe Wright

Honestly, everything is absolutely pefect in this movie… like when Mr. Darcy always look’s like he’s about to throw up everytime Lizzie is around, how Mr. Bingley is an absolutely sunshine, how Jane it’s his perfect match, how Lizzie is perfecly sassy and smart… I, obviously, and I can not stress this enough: THE HAND FLEX!!! (and when Mr. Darcy cofesses his eternal love to Lizzie in the rain and them they fight and them they almost kiss… AMAZING CINEMA!)

I loved the movie and I can’t wait to finally find time to read the book too…

130. Creep (2014) Directed by Patrick Brice

131.  Creep 2 (2017) Directed by Patrick Brice

Both weird movies, but the first one is more amazing because you spend more than a half of it not knowing what it’s happening.

132. Vox Lux (2018) Directed by Brady Corbet

Natalie Portman is amazing and this movie is also weird.

133. Austenland (2013) Directed by Jerusha Hess

A thriling saga to my Pride and Prejudice / Jane Austen obcession…

So, the fake Mr. Darcy (Mr. Noble) looks like young Tom Hiddleston so now I have a huge crush on him.

Also, I think it’s a very fun movie and I had a good time.  

134. Good Sam (2019) Directed by Kate Miles Melville

Fun, I guess… honestly, the romance was unecessary.

135. Almost Famous (2000) Directed by Cameron Crowe

The bus scene when they all are down and then suddenly starts singing to “Tiny Dancer”… The most beautiful thing I saw in my life.

136. The Losers (2010) Directed by Sylvain White

It’s a very fun movie!

But I have an observation: It just don’t sound truthful that people would make fun of a hot, nerdy, super uncle, not being that good with girls Chris Evans… really, he is absolutely hot and cute in this movie, it just not make sense!

137. Sing (2016) Directed by Garth Jennings

I watched this because of Taron Egerton singing “I’m Still Standing”, but I loved it for so much more!!!

138. Candy Jar (2018) Directed by Ben Shelton

Fun for spending the time.

139. The Red Sea Diving Resort (2019) Directed by Gideon Raff

Nice movie and great cast!

(also, I know thi isn’t the point but Chris Evans is beautiful in this movie to)

140. The Jane Austen Book Club (2007) Directed by Robin Swicord

I loved this so much, but I also feel kind of sad because I don’t have friends to make a Jane Austen book club with me and also I will never get married with nerdy and cute Hugh Dancy.

141. The Hustle (2019) Directed by Chris Addison

Anne Hathaway and Rebel Wilson deserved better!

142. The Sun Is Also a Star (2019) Directed by Ry Russo-Young

I don’t want to be mean but, this was horrible!

143. Descendants 3 (2019) Directed by Kenny Ortega

This movie was already going to be very emotional because is the last one of the trilogy, but the recent evens with the super talented actor Cameron Boyce, it was twice as emotional... I cryed a lot.

Also, the movie is increadible in every way: the songs, the dancing, the characters, the cast... I loved it!

144. Brightburn (2019) Directed by David Yarovesky

Well, that was a disaster...

145. Parasite (2019) ‘기생충’ Directed by Bong Joon Ho

Okay, so this movie... there’s so much to talk about this movie...but I don’t want to spoil it... BUT,  everything is absolutely PERFECT! OMG! I LOVE THIS MOVIE SO MUCH!

146. Otherhood (2019) Directed by Cindy Chupack

Great cast, fun to watch!

147. The Craft (1996) Directed by Andrew Fleming

ICONIC!

148. Wild Child (2008) Directed by Nick Moore

EMMA ROBERTS: I’m sorry for every time that I sayd that you were not a great actress. You are, and this movie is a masterpiece.

149. Mandy (2018) Directed by Panos Cosmatos

That was a crazy ride and I LOVED IT! Nick Cage it’s amazing in this and I really love this scrypt.

150. Falling Inn Love (2019) Directed by Roger Kumble

This couple is so beautiful and I really wish they could date me as well.

151. Did You Hear About the Morgans? (2009) Directed by Marc Lawrence

I did not like the movie that much but the cast is nice, so is not that bad to wach.

152. Bacurau (2019) Directed by Juliano Dornelles, Kleber Mendonça Filho

This was, honestly, the best thing I saw the entire year. It made so happy and proud of my own culture, and was so increadible to watch, with a great cast and characters that are truly amazing... and as if all of this wasn’t enough, the movie (as a coincidence) talks direcly with Brazil’s currently politic scene. 

When the movie was over, I felt like crying of happines... I so proud o f brazilian cinema and how it gets better and bigger each year!!  

PURE PERFECTION. 

153. Between Two Ferns: The Movie (2019) Directed by Scott Aukerman

There was scenes that I really found funny and there were times that I was just confused... but I liked it.

154. Last Holiday (2006) Directed by Wayne Wang

QUEEN LATIFAH I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, PLEASE BE MY FRIEND!!

Honestly, this movie is everything a romcom should be... PERFECT! 

155. The Nutcracker and the Four Realms (2018) Directed by Lasse Hallström, Joe Johnston

I’m absolutely angry with the fact that Keira Knightley and Matthew Macfadyen in the same movie and they even looked at each other! CRAZY THING RIGHT?

156. Rumor Has It… (2005) Directed by Rob Reiner

Just imagine a world were Jenifer Aniston and Mark Ruffalo are a couple... 

The movie was SO WEIRD!!! (but good) 

157. It Chapter Two (2019) Directed by Andy Muschietti

The first one still is my favorite, BUT this is so great... I’m not even going to begin to write about the cast, ‘cause everyone knows it’s absolutely PERFECT, but really, BILL HADER GUYS! JUST, AMAZING.

Anyway, I did not got even a little scared, but who cares, it’s a great movie.

Also, the scene were Bill Skarsgård  show up without the Pennywise makeup... his acting was SO GREAT!

 158. Midsommar (2019) Directed by Ari Aster

Today I saw someone describe this movie as “a bunch of white people killing other people and dancing in circles” and honestly, this is the perfect description for this.

159. Homecoming: A Film by Beyoncé (2019) Directed by Beyoncé Knowles

i CAN’T BEGIN TO DESCRIBE THE FEELINGS I FELT SEEING THIS! This woman is beautiful, super talented and a genius! 

YOU JUST MIGHT BE A BEYONCÉ IN THE MAKING!! 

160. Frozen (2010) Directed by Adam Green

HORRIBLE! OH MY GOD! I FELT SO BAD WATCHING THIS, IT WAS TERRIFYING! OMG!

161. Hush (2016) Directed by Mike Flanagan

I NEVER FELT SO UNCONFORTABLE IN MY LIFE! Truly a good idea for a scary movie and a very well executed one to! Loved it!

162. El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie (2019) Directed by Vince Gilligan

The perfect ending for one of the best suporting characters on a TV Series.

163. Little Monsters (2019) Directed by Abe Forsythe

Lupita Nyong'o deserves way more recognition from the Movies Industry because she is so great and even with a fucking OSCAR on her shelf, she barely has any leading characters on her career and is SO UNFAIR!

This movies is funny, scary, the cast is great and there’s Shake it Off by Taylor Swift was sang by a bunch of kids and Lupita dressed on a beautiful yellow dress all dirty of zombie blood, sooo... you should go and watch it!

164. The Blair Witch Project (1999) Directed by Daniel Myrick, Eduardo Sánchez

The movie it’s okay until it gets on it’s last 15 to 10 minutes... then so much starts to happen and you just want to stop seeing it, but can’t because you want to know the ending of it, and it’s so scary and crazy... Really I totally get why lots of people are crazy about this one... SO SCARY!

Also, look out for the website they made for the three filmakers that “disapeared” ( AKA were killed by the Blair Witch), it’s so good and there’s a lot of more information that makes the movie even more scary.

165. Yesterday (2019) Directed by Danny Boyle

It could be SO GOOD! But it was SO BAD! Lili was this movie, the guy that played Richie in Skins was in this movie and I still did not like it... The sountrack was made by BEATLES SONGS and I still did not like it... SAD.

166. The Witches (1990) Directed by Nicolas Roeg

NOT A KIDS MOVIE! Really, it’s so scary! OMG!

167. Shaun of the Dead (2004) Directed by Edgar Wright

It’s a very diferent zombie movie, but I really liked it! 

168. Maid in Manhattan (2002) Directed by Wayne Wang

IT WAS JUST LIKE CAMP ROCK!!

Very cheesy, not the best romcom I ever watched, but also not the worse... If you want a good JLopez movie, go see Monster In Law!

169. Monster House (2006) Directed by Gil Kenan

ALSO NOT A KIDS MOVIE! This was actually very little apropriate to kids and so fucking sacry, OMG, how this was made up to be a kids movie? 

170. mother! (2017) Directed by Darren Aronofsky

I will never get over this movie, I feel marked for the rest of my life, thanks very much Aronofsky! (no, really, THANKS!)

171. The Meddler (2015) Directed by Lorene Scafaria

Honestly, the “I was visiting my daughter, she just shot a pilot!” joke was THE BEST THING I EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE! Also, “I have to go home, my hands are loud!”.

172. Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988) Directed by Stephen Chiodo

I don’t even know what to write about this one... It was weird and not scary at all, but was kind of... diffent? I mean, you don’t get literally scared but you feel unconfotable, like, a lot! Go check it out and you will hopefully understand what kind of feeling I’m trying to describe, it’s just... weird.

173. Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (2019) Directed by André Ovredal

WHAT ON EARTH PEOPLE KEEP MAKING THOSE SUPER SCARY MOVIES ANT SAYING THEY ARE FOR KINDS? This was so scary Jesus, and It was great. But not for kids.

If you read the books I don’t know how you going to feel about it, but in my experience from movie adapttions from books, you probably going to feel like shit. But I did’t read the books and loved it, so, you might to :)

174. Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000) Directed by Joe Berlinger

Not ever close to be as great as the first one, it’s crazier, more things happen and you still feel crazy with the characters, but, it’s not as great. But it would be a great stanalone, if the first one did not existed. 

175. Vacation (2015) Directed by John Francis Daley, Jonathan M. Goldstein

This is a comedic MASTERPIECE and I CAN NOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH! 

I love comedy movies, but I always expect to much of them... but this served me EVERYTHING that a good comedy should have to make me laugh until my breath runs out. LOVED IT!

176. Walk the Line (2005) Directed by James Mangold

Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon are absolutely babes and so increadibly talented! 

The movie is a bit slow (maybe only if you not a particularly big Cash fan), but is great! 

177. Love Happens (2009) Directed by Brandon Camp

Jennifer Aniston is amazing and goergeous as always but I didn’t conect with the characters so... it didn’t work to much for me, but it’s not bad eigther.

178. John Tucker Must Die (2006) Directed by Betty Thomas

Talking about perfect comedies, this is ONE OF THEM! FOR SURE! 

179. You’ve Got Mail (1998) Directed by Nora Ephron

I’ve got three things to say:

One: TOM HANKS

Two: I could never date someone that led me to bankruptcy, I could however punch this person multiple times.

Three: MEG RYAN!!!

180. The Prince & Me (2004) Directed by Martha Coolidge

Okay, so I was not expecting anything big from this movie and I only watched it because of Julia Stiles, BUT OMG I’m so thakfull that I gave it a chance, because it’s an amazingly done cliché and the Prince it’s totally hot!

 181. Dora and the Lost City of Gold (2019) Directed by James Bobin

I WAS SO SURPRISED THAT IT WAS SO GOOD! I really wasn’t expecting that! SO GOOD! 

182. Me Before You (2016) Directed by Thea Sharrock 

méh.

But Emilia, I want to be your best friend!

183. Late Night (2019) Directed by Nisha Ganatra

To Queens that almost coused my death because of how much a I laughed in this... it’s ligh, fun and dramtic and real... AMAZING!

184. Let It Snow (2019) Directed by Luke Snellin 

Kiernan Shipka and  Mitchell Hope singing The Whole of the Moon awakend my bissexuality.

Shameik Moore and Isabela Merced to!

185. When Harry Met Sally… (1989) Directed by Rob Reiner

MEG RYAN!!! 

So... this is the movie that every fanfic is based on? I really loved it!

186. Bringing Down the House (2003) Directed by Adam Shankman

Queen Latifah always brings a smile to my face... she’s perfect!

187. Joker (2019) Directed by Todd Phillips

Huum... Joaquin Phoenix it’s a very great actor, OMG! 

188. Penelope (2006) Directed by Mark Palansky 

It was very hard for me to watch this movie and not get distracted by James MacAvoy’s perfect face and body and not so perfect hair in this one, but does anybody really care? It’s beautiful James McAvoy! 

Also, the movie is so great! I didn’t knew about the plot and I was so surprised! It’s very, very good! 

I love the final scene when Penelope just let’s the children run wild while she swings with her hot boyfriend...

“Take of your mask!” ~proceds to kiss Christina Ricci very dramaticly~

189. Mad Money (2008) Directed by Callie Khouri

Everything about this movie was PERFECT

190. Baywatch (2017) Directed by Seth Gordon

Great opening scene, the rest was kind of a mess.

191. Noelle (2019) Directed by Marc Lawrence

CUTE! CUTE! CUTE! 

But I will complain about the lack of Bill Hader content.

192. Every Day (2018) Directed by Michael Sucsy

Another surprise this year, a very good one! 

It’s cute and dramatic, also, this actress kissed every teeneger and young adult in Hollywood!

193. Over Her Dead Body (2008) Directed by Jeff Lowell

A good and weird movie! Gave a few laughs. 

Paul Rudd is in it, so, totally worth it!

194. The Skeleton Twins (2014) Directed by Craig Johnson

A dramatic, surprising and “few good” comedy! 

I really wish I could hang out on Halloween with Bill Hader and Kristen Wiig...

195. Eat Pray Love (2010) Directed by Ryan Murphy

I didn’t quite understood her journey but I quite liked it. 

Veeeery long movie.

196. Death at a Funeral (2007) Directed by Frank Oz

197. Death at a Funeral (2010) Directed by Neil LaBute

I know I should have loved the original version more but the american version... I don’t know what it is (probably the many actors that I absolutely LOVE), but I coul not stop laughing! 

James Marsden was an absolute STAR! 

198. The Other Woman (2014) Directed by Nick Cassavetes

I wish I could personally thank Cameron Diaz for every great movie I watched because of her.

Thank you, Mrs. Diaz! 

That last scene was peak COMEDY!!!

199. The Back-Up Plan 2010 Directed by Alan Poul

JLo! PERFECT!

Honestly, I was thinking this movie was going to be very problematic, but it wasn’t that much... it was actually pretty cute! The birth scene was sacry and funny at the same time!! 

200. Muriel's Wedding 1994 Directed by P.J. Hogan

Don’t judge me, I didn’t liked it, it fact, It made me feel pretty shitty, so I just wnat to forget that it existis. 

[sauveteen]

sick | s.m

summary: shawn's kinda sick and you're kinda mad

You sigh, balancing the bowl of soup in one hand, your other clutching the pillow he was trying to hide behind.

"Shawn," You place the soup on the bedside table, "Come on, you're being a baby."

"Yes, but I'm being your baby," Comes his muffled voice from beneath the blankets, and you can't help but let your lips quirk up in amusement. Curling your fingers around the edge of the duvet, you lift it a little to peek at your sick boyfriend.

"Hi? You comfy in there, bud?"

Shawn shifts so he's facing you, lifting his arm to keep the blanket raised. His bicep flexes with the movement, and you have to take a moment to remind yourself that he's sick, and that the last thing you need is an infection. Pushing the blanket back a bit, you let the night lamp illuminate his face, almost grimacing at his state. While he looks adorable — because honestly, when does he not? — he also looks equally tired, eyes red and cheeks gaunt from fatigue. Your heart pulls at the sight, hating the state he's currently in. The state he's currently doing nothing to get out of.

"Please drink your soup, bub," You perch yourself at the end of the bed, hip jutting against his thigh. Leaning over, you push his floppy curls away from his face, resting the back of your hand against his forehead. Wincing at how his body is boiling with fever, you say, "I shredded the chicken, just how you like it."

"I don't want soup," There's an adamant pout on his face, a tick between his brows, "I want you."

"I'm right here, but you need soup to get better, not me. Come on, you're being—"

You don't miss the way he smiles, half a smirk and half a grimace, before he says, "Let's put it to test, then."

"What is that supposed to—," Before you can finish, he arms sneak out from beneath the blankets, curling around your waist and pulling you towards him. You let out a little shriek, eyes going wide, your head hitting his bare chest with a dull thud. Before you can react, he secures an arm around your back, pulling you impossibly close into his body. Throwing his leg over yours, Shawn effectively traps you in place. You flinch a little at his burning touch, but ease up when he cuddles himself into you. Unable to hide your surprise at his sudden strength, you cock an eyebrow at him. He had begged for you to help him to the bathroom in the morning, your velvet blanket draped over his shoulders and right hand intertwined with yours. He returns your questioning gaze with a sheepish grin.

"It's like a sauna in here," You mumble, digging your heels into the mattress and pushing yourself up a bit so you're now face to face with him. He leans closer, resting his forehead against yours, and sighs in contentment.

"S'cause my incredibly hot girlfriend s'in here," Shawn smiles a little as he says it, and you have to try hard not to kiss him right then and there. He sounds sleepy, his words slurring together. When your fingers tangle into his hair, scratching softly at his scalp, his eyes flutter shut as he exhales softly through his nose.

"Will you pretty please drink your soup and have your meds for your incredibly hot girlfriend?"

"Nuhuhh," He murmurs, softly shaking his head, "And I'll sneeze on her if she makes me."

You let out a chuckle, your fingers ghosting up his bare arm, watching the goosebumps rise on his skin, "You don't have a cold, baby."

"If I can fart on command, I can sneeze on command," You shake your head at his boyish antics, and his eyes lazily blink open. He pushes a hand through your hair, combing it away from your face. Watching in fascination as the strands slip through his fingers, he blinks hazily at you, stifling a yawn. Shawn generally isn't very expressive — although you often scold him for it, and he tries to be — so he can't often put into words how much he loves you. Sure, he can write the occasional song and sing the occasional tune, but no lyric in the world is enough for what he feels for you. This gut wrenching feeling of utter and absolute adoration, and it only multiplies as he stares on, looking at the tiniest hints of a content smile on your face. He rubs at the worry lines in your forehead with his thumb, mumbling, "Can I please get a kiss?"

You know that you shouldn't, that you have work and can't fall sick, but the way he's looking at you — all red cheeked and needy, it's so hard for you to resist. So you dip your head down, pressing a soft peck against his chapped lips. Running a finger against his bottom lip after, feeling the groan of protest leaving his throat right after.

"No, like a proper kiss," he whines, puckering his lips, "Please, I promise I won't infect you. Please, baby?"

"I don't think it works like that," You grin, leaning away from him when he tries leaning towards you, lips puckered and eyes scrunched shut. He huffs when you place your palm over his face, pushing him back into the pillow. Before you can pull away, he grabs your wrist, holding your hand to his face. Pressing soft, sweet kisses to the inside of your palm, making you giggle.

"You're so fuckin' cute," You manage to let out, pulling him towards you, your nose nudging against his cheek, "And so fuckin' stupid. Like a little boy left without his 'mama."

"But I'm a big boy," He protests, turning his face so his cheek is pressed against yours. His warm breath fans against your face as he speaks, "And big boys don't drink soup. They drink martinis. Can I get a martini, baby?"

"Are you asking to die?"

"S'not my wish," he mumbles, placing the back of his hand on his mouth to soften his yawn, "but I wouldn't mind."

"Shawn," Your sudden stern voice surprises even you, so it doesn't faze you when Shawn's forehead creases in worry. You place your hand on his cheek, eyes flickering over his face in concern, "You know how I've always supported your work, right?"

"Yeah? Where's this—"

"And I always will support you," you rush out, stroking his cheek, running your fingers from his cheekbone to his chin, "But baby, you need to know when to stop, 'kay? Do you know how much I love you?"

He nods solemnly, all the playfulness in his eyes dying down. Shawn can see you getting a little teary eyed, and he swears that hurts worse than his headache. Choked up, you continue, "Tons. I love you so, so much, bub. What will I do if something happens to you?"

"I—nothing's gonna happen to me, sweetheart, I promise," His eyes desperately search yours, concern painted over his features, "S'just a fever, s'all."

"When your manager calls me up to say he's cancelling a promo tour and sending you home," You gulp heavily, tracing the shell of his ear with your thumb, "That's not just a fever, Shawn."

"Baby," his voice is pleading, not understanding how the conversation went from him refusing to have soup to you all but having a breakdown, "Andrew just got worried. Swear it's not a big deal—"

"When's the last time you slept for a solid eight hours?" Your question catches his off-guard, so you continue, "Had a proper meal? Called your mum to tell her how much you love her?"

He averts his gaze, choosing to focus on the rise and fall of your chest, and you blink your tears away, "I'm so glad you're doing what you love, bub. It makes me the happiest person in the world. But you need to stop overworking yourself, because — come on, Shawn, look at me."

When his eyes fly up to meet yours, you're a little taken aback to see them brimming with tears. Mirroring your expression, "I'm sorry," he mutters, tightening his grip on you. His head buries in the crook of your neck, trying to bottle your scent. You smell like home, like dinner with a glass of wine and movies in his living room. Like the books you read to him, and the songs he sings to you. His nose brushes against your jaw when he continues, his voice muffled now, "M'so sorry. I didn't want to make you sad. Or fall sick, for that matter. I just — there's just, so much pressure," He pulls away from you, hand gently cupping the back of your head, "I guess, I just want to make everyone happy, you know? I just didn't realise..."

When he trails off, your eyebrows scrunch in confusion, "Didn't realise what?"

There's so much sincerity in his eyes when he looks at you that you feel something melt underneath your skin, "That in the process of making everyone happy... I was upsetting the one person whose happiness matters the most."

You choke back a sob, shaking your head. Refusing to look at him, you duck your head, muttering, "That's the cheesiest thing I've heard. I hate you."

Luckily for you, he doesn't see the stupid blush that starts staining your cheeks then, growing from the bottom of your neck to the tip of your nose. You press a kiss against his collarbone, only to hear him inhale sharply. When you place your fingers against his chest, you can almost feel his love beneath his warm skin, thumping underneath your hand. It takes all of your willpower to not start bawling your eyes out, because you're with the most beautiful boy in the world. The most beautiful, sick and stupid boy.

Despite his eyes threatening to fall shut, he manages a grin, swinging an arm around your shoulder and scooping you into him, "The cheese comes with the whole package, babe."

In Shawn's mind, big red letters flash CRISIS AVERTED, and he has to blink several times to get rid of them. When he realises that you were saying something, he blinks at you, bambi eyes widening slightly.

"Huh?"

"I said," you press, almost Awwing at the sight, "Your soup's getting cold."

"What soup?" He feigns innocence, pretending to yawn, "I'm so tired. Time for sleep. Bye, honey."

Before he can slump back into the pillow, you sneak an arm underneath his back, pushing him up with all your might. "If you drink your soup I'll give you a kiss."

"A proper one?"

"The proper-est kiss to have existed."

"But," he says as you help him lean back against the headboard, handing him his soup, "But I don't want you to fall sick!"

"Kiss me somewhere else, then," There's a twinkle in your eye, and Shawn immediately perks up, his eyes going wide. There's an almost comical look to his face, and you don't understand how he manages to look so excited and so expressive while being half-dead.

"Can I? Can I really? Just sit on my face and I'll suck you dry, I swear. I don't even need any energy to do that."

"Shawn!" You exclaim, unable to help the loud laughter that bubbles up your throat, "Do you not give up? Also, suck me dry? You sound like a pedophile."

Shawn rolls his eyes as he laps at his soup, tongue poking out to catch a drop to manages to escape his mouth. You gulp, and he continues, "What do you want me to say? Let me devour your nether regions?"

"Shawn?"

"Yeah?"

"Please just drink your damn soup, babe."