#andi jsut

[lemm-moxx]

art except i fully lost the plot and it was something abt that one song and killers relationships and i dont know and its late 😴

[ryuseitai]

I'm tweaking right now

[aqours]

man

on one hand i don't really like having the fact i'm proship in my pinned post not bc like i'm like ~ashamed~ (lmao) or want to hide it but bc like whiel the last few weeks have been a bit wild with coffin of andy and leyley posts getting traction and multiple people coming to my posts i don't like

like to consider that a major part of my online presence, like i have my irl and my online life and the fact is when i'm online i like to just have fun and enjoy myself and not worry so much about discourse anymore i think part of this site's culture has changed and checking pages isn't as common as it used to be

and i wanna go on the record this isn't an attack on anyone that has done this or me telling you to unfollow but multiple people have followed me despite having like proship dni in their post and i assume if you follow first you don't mind me following back and for the first time somebody sbed me and i'm p sure vagued me when i saw a post on their blog when it's like... it's always ben in my /about and /byf

so i feel a bit blegh about it but i might as well keep it there in my pinned so people now what they're getting ig??? but idk i might remove it too bc it's not my responsibility that other people check pages before they follow if they have a dni but i think newer users might not even know about that aspect of the site culture considering tumblr probably wants to phase out the whole custom theme thing entirely

it's just very asdf;ladsjf

[pnuk-r0ck]

Andy Hurley you are so cute I need you bad

[pepprs]

i do not want to get out of bed omfg. this week has been so fucking insane im exhausted but we have aprogram tonight until 7 and i have to facilitate and there are a million things to do today

[deerdeardarling]

i need a person that wont like. fully beat read my stuff. like not someone who will look at my work and be like; “yeah the composition needs work, and your spelling, and your-” and all that. i just need someone who can read my work and tell me if its good or not. like someone read it and say “yeah this is good keep going”, or “yeah this is good but take these parts out” or, “drop this and focus on another project”. like i dont need a proof reader, i need an audience reader.

[racmune]

actually awful that im able 2 watch the dn musical coming back to the anime 2 finish up the last arc is even more torturous atp like WHAT R U SAYING THIS IS WHAT I COULD BE WATCHING RIGHT NOW...

[22degreehalo]

Also I listened to Office Ladies does Business Trip and YES I am sad they didn't talk about the friendship at all :( not even so much of a REFERENCE to 'he's delightful!' If this doesn't come up in a Second Drinks I'm gonna be mad!!!!!!

[haezerd]

if i get a pullip or dal doll it will all Get Better.

[reallapiscake12]

i jsut found out about this dedan art on Ghost's redbubble andi m gonig crayz over him grehahsghrhd fg "Doctor Dedan"

[lvebug]

biomedical research building, third floor andie adds to the report. "okay third floor, thank you. help is on the way." being able to send first responders to them is a huge relief. now, everything else. she needs to figure out if they're injured, if the environment is even safe to send responders into, if she can help get them out without waiting for help to arrive.

another note for the report: more survivors were exiting by stairwell. they were helping get other people out and for one quick second andie's head spins—these students are so brave, she has to get them out. it's gonna tear her up if they don't. "my name is andie. i don't want you to worry about anybody else, just focus on yourself." what's most immediately important? the other voice in the background. "you keep saying 'we', who else is there with you? are any of you injured?"

the 9-1-1 call center has an impressive database of resources available, including blueprints. she types in UCLA biomedical research and lucky for andie, it pops up. less lucky: the building is massive. she was hoping to track them down more specifically, but that might be difficult. "can you tell me what happened?"

roxy and them had been okay when it starter, luckily on a lower level, and closer to an exit point. as the chaos escalated, and help was stuck just getting through the first lines of debris and fire, the two spent whatever energy they had to help guide others down along with them. it was stupid to go deeper inside, but there were people still in the building— it was a massive facility— and they headed further in after the first group they managed to point outwards.

roxy first, liam following. the building wasn’t quite so bad yet, the fire mostly on one side, smoke having not yet spread too far, and nothing quite crumbling. they both still had their lab goggles on, sparing their eyes some brutality. the last lab was when it started to turn for the worst— and while the two of them made sure a good handful of undergrads managed out, they were suddenly barricaded in when the ceiling of the third floor, and floor of the fourth started to come down. liam came to to roxy shaking them, with the smoke having started to spread over by then.

“the bsrb— the biomedical research building! we’re on,” liam’s head turns in the direction of roxy, whose straining herself to reach a crate of materials and drag it closer. “what floor is this, do you remember the floor?”

roxy gives a groan at the stretch of her arm before she’s able to pull everything over and lands back beside liam, now with bottles of solutions, rags, and other lab supplies. “it’s the third.” she digs through, yanking out not much that’s useful, before starting to try and rip open drawers.

“we’re on the third floor. there might be more people by the stairwells to go down. i don’t know if they made it out but there was a group!” she watches just barely as roxy shoves a respirator mask towards them, putting on her own and then helping liam with theirs. it’ll buy them some more time. in the meanwhile, they’ll both have to wait on the other end of the line and hope the wind can do something to push the smoke elsewhere through the crumbled parts of the walls.

[mumza-superiority]

im not into qsmp uch and i just saw this shitpost with a pic of cc!etoiles and went oh my god etoiles looks like me. and then i reemembered his egg was headcanoned to be hijabi and that one of my qsmp friends told me hes a muslim and i jsut went woah. hes the first mcyt i know like Me. and like... damn. yk. like. representation. i love that. i love that hes like Me. ive never had a lot of mcyt representation at All. hes literally the first one andi know nothing about him lmao

jus. i think hes my favorite qsmp guy that i dont know.

[coff-in]

I fought with my ex partner (we’re (or, we were) friends) just because I like the game so I’m just going to request the first thing that comes to your mind

notes from coff-in: aw man, i'm sorry to hear that 'nonnie :( i'm not all that good at comforting strangers but i hope that you're able to enjoy the game still. this is jsut me rambling about my oc, i hope it makes you feel a little bit better or entertained

rambling, oc talk (amy "mimi" graves)

i've been mostly thinking about my oc amy lately. her relationship with nina is supposed to have made a big impact on her that persists after her death. nina was supposed to be her first friends outside of her siblings, a relationship that she would have to herself, you know? a more platonic (possible one-sided romantic) relationship rather than a familial one.

the romantic thing is something i've been focusing on too. mimi forms... really strong attachments to people. or maybe she just really liked nina, and it made nina's death disappearance more impactful to her. leyley's manipulation didn't help either since she told mimi that nina left because of her or something she did (though the reasoning was vague), mimi took it to heart and sort of internalized it.

nina and mimi's relationship wasn't the best because it was a friendship of convenience. they were both using each other for their own goals that weren't friendship or companionship (mimi was seeking it out, but she mostly just wanted to be able to have an outside life from andy and leyley [so she wouldn't feel like she was burdening them so even her outside life was for them] while nina was using mimi to get brownie points for andy's affection). i keep flip flopping their relationship in my head. i like the idea that over time, mimi and nina's relationship became something genuine and possibly sapphic (at least on mimi's side) and nina not reciprocating this feeling would cause mimi to close up and become more inward, i guess. on the other hand, i don't see nina hanging out with mimi any more than what she needed to in order to look good to andy. i'm pretty sure nina was older than leyley (she responds to leyley's plan of hide and seek with "you're such a kid" or something along those lines, which wouldn't make too much sense if her and leyley were the same age).

and since nina was mimi's main/only close friend outside of andy and leyley, the rest of mimi's social life kinda collapses after that. especially since mimi is associated with leyley, no one really wants to hang out with her either (i think her trans/queerness could also play a role in her isolation too, depending if you want to see the game's world as someplace harsh and cruel**). nina's disappearance affected mimi's grades, her mood and personality, and her self-image. what did she do so wrong that nina would just leave? what if she did it again? what she too much? was she too little? it would cause her to detach herself from having a social life... why bother if you're going to fuck up and they leave? it's better to just stay to yourself. if she needs to talk to someone she has andy and leyley to talk to (and even then, they could also leave her. they just can't because they're siblings and currently aren't old enough to move out. but they could. if her own parents don't love her then what's stopping her siblings from not loving her too?)

mimi and amy should feel different, even if it's subtle. nemlei is a remarkably great writer so it's a little hard trying to, uh, replicate her level of writing or depth in her characters. one difference in my head is that mimi likes having affection given to her ("i like hanging out with you" or "you're my best friend") while amy shies away from it (brushing it off or trying to deflect the complements to someone/thing else). having people tell amy that they like freaks her out so much that she screams and yells at them to take it back, to tell her that they think she's alright or the fucking worst or else she won't calm down. she doesn't want a repeat incident like nina again. she doesn't want to get so attached to someone that it'll hurt her when they inevitably leave. it's why she makes herself quiet and small (though she's naturally short), and by small i mean her presence. she doesn't have a lot of her own stuff and anything she has it kept tidy in a box somewhere under a bed or in a closet. her clothes are borrowed or handed down, they're in some sense not hers (even though they may belong to her currently).

i think of a scenario where andrew and ashley try to admit to amy that they like hanging out with her, that they don't want to leave her alone so they can live their own lives or whatever delusion amy tells herself is real. they love her. and she panics. she says "that's nice... thanks" or "if you say so" or maybe a "whatever you say, big bro/sis". the more persistent they are about it, the more aggressive amy gets until she's telling them to "shut up! shut up, shut up, shut up!" or "no! take it back, take it back!!" or even maybe "liar!!" she doesn't like it. how genuine they sound, the gentle looks they're giving her, the honesty in their voice. it's not real... it can't be real because if it is then it'll be more painful when they do leave. she's crying and sobbing as they hold her in their arms, "you can't do that! you can't do this to me..."

"you can't hurt me again... i can't... i can't..."

or you know, something like that. sorry if it doesn't make sense.

** i think queerphobia wouldn't be an uncommon thing to come across in the world of tcoaal, however i don't know if it would be so prevalent in elementary/middle school... i guess it could be since children tend to echo some bigotry that they hear from adults or others ("that's gay!" "you punch like a girl" said as something negative, etc etc)

----

coff-in

[kosmicdream]

Ode to Togashi

Stream of conscientious incoherent rant about manga/hxh below, read at your own discretion as i AM NOT EDITING IT: 

While I’m still in the mood to talk about art and what i love about manga, i feel like i wanted to share (some) of my thoughts on why HXH continues to be one of my favorite stories. Togashi’s writing method continues to be probably like, the closest one that i aspire to replicate in my own work, partly because i love to see how much it builds and learns from itself, reinvents itself, ect. But i DONT think Hxh is perfect, even if i wouldn’t change anything about it or togashi’s writing style. 

When I first got into HXH, it was actually through the old anime. I watched that all the way thru before reading the manga, and when i was watching the anime it was during a period of time when i hated all shonen. I still kinda hate “the shonen” model, despite loving many shonen series, but something abt HXH pulled me in to give it a try and i was quickly hooked. I of course, already had experience with YYH growing up as a teen but i somehow missed HXH completely until my early 20s. I had already started trying comics by then, but it was EGGSHELLS and i had not started FFAK at that point.

HXH almost lost me at greed island my first round, ngl. I appreciate it now, andi still think the set up for Greed island was amazing but the arc itself.. I was not into it, mostly cause i think the villain for it was kinda lackluster and i didn’t really think the world of greed island had a strong design sense. There was interesting aspects, i enjoyed Bisque as a new character and she helped carry a LOT of the weight of that arc for me, but it was kind of a drag. IDK if it was also partly the adaptation for that arc, but i didn’t enjoy it much more in manga form either. It just went a bit faster. However, the end of that arc and the final fight was surprisingly brutal and enjoyable, which made me optimistic and helped me to continue. And then the chimera ant arc was the first arc i read ONLY manga first and i truly fell in love with it, obsessed even. That arc, as many readers already know, is probably like the closest thing to FFAK’s “Parent” for inspiration. Obviously, FFAK draws from a lot of things (Trigun is probably the 2nd strongest influence on FFAK) but it isn’t quite the same as HXH. As MUCH as i adore hunter x hunter part of me does cringe and laugh that like, in the end, a battle shonen manga still excited me that much but like.. As MUCH as i clearly love battle manga.. I am so over them. You know? Who cares. IMO. No matter how great it looks, i probably am never going to be more impressed (visually) with an action scene than the ones Yukito Kishiro drew. He did it, He won the action manga game to me. I have no idea what’s actually happening in Gunnm most of the time but as far as the visual spectacle of it all, it literally doesn't even make sense how good his action scenes look. (I could talk a lot about Gunnm too, but i’ll save that for another time IG) Like how the fuck does someone draw that good and it just made everything else by comparison just like, not.. Matter too much to me anymore. Which is great, because I can then look at other aspects for a work rather than just being drawn in by the visuals. And stuff. 

Where i’m at now.. I dont want to read another, even if its drawn well and .. the powers are SO powering or whatever. And i love to draw action scenes, they’re really hard and i still have so much more to go to learn about them. At best, I think im okay at them. But even when i work, i just get tired now so i cut them down a lot. Thats partly because i jsut dont have the time to draw fighting scenes. So i kind of feel embarrassed by a lot of them that ive made, i know I was lazy. Lazy in a way I’m not proud of the result, but im proud of the compromises to get the shit done. Which is the most important think in the end, to juggle your own expectations and limitations with the timeframe you have to get somewhere you need to go. I will still read more action/battle manga in the future.. But im in no rush. And im certain, for the most part, they arent going to teach me anything I don’t already know. They might entertain me and i might be like “..huh!” at a few things, but my expectation for them to do more than that is pretty low. I’m delighted when im wrong, but i cannot deny the apathy towards them is super deep. Togashi to me, is one those authors, that makes me really wake up and realize there’s still a lot of unexpected territory out there. 

He writes like an enthusiastic newbie, not a seasoned old timer that he is, who basically helped popularize the “tournament arc” and “dark edgy shonen” stuff with YYH. All his characters in HXH are geniuses, which is kind of a valid critique and can be annoying as hell too… Id say most readers dont really get how the hell nen works, yet somehow the story still functions so well in its character motivations/conflicts that it kinda doesn’t matter too much that.. It doesnt really make sense? We have to relearn what nen is basically every arc. Its not gonna stick. And yet im just so excited every time it updates and i really want to know what he wants to do with his new arc, if he is going to be able to do it. Nen to me is like a fake fantasy science that is tangible and real yet also you’re in a dream and you try to read the letters on a page, and you can read it but if you stare hard at it. The words are just blurs, or it doesn’t really connect. I like that there’s this malleable illusion that it functions in a way, that is concrete, but it isn’t really. But its enough that i can believe that for the characters, who are also not real, it is real for them. 

The fact that i can talk about “”””NeN””” like this to me is essentially why it becomes the perfect shonen to me because it takes itself so seriously, so genuinely, yet it also is nonsense but not in the way where its like.. Irony poisoned, “gotcha” twists? Im sick of all these subverting shonens that arent subverting anything. Or even just the attitude that is what makes a good shonen these days is to subvert, diminish, laugh, ect at shonen while completely stepping inside the same footprints again and again. So much manga just wants to be dragon ball, but dragon ball was good cuz it was just a fun, well drawn action manga that wasn’t trying to BE dragonball. It was just dragon ball. (maybe now its trying to be dragon ball, which is why i dont care about whatever sequel attempt we’re at now, but that’s another story.) Its fun to me that i dont know if Gon is gonna come back in Hxh. like, maybe he will and his powers will be restored ect.. But at the time of writing this, and for YEARS we just.. Have the main pals of the manga separated. Their friendship has changed. There’s a great shift in it. Gon met his dad, who sucks, but that kind of was his main quest. Sure, we have kurapika’s arc, and many other routes to go - but in a weird way HXH is done and it isn’t done at the same time. I’m just like, what are we going to do now. TOGASHI said flat earth real and was like, the other half of it is UNEXPLORED AND SO DARN DANGEROUS and theres SOM BIGGGGG DINOSAURS THERE and it just feels so gleefully like.. You’re on the swingset and some kid just keeps having to up the stakes but in the most kid-like way possible. For serious. But Togashi’s 58. But he’s right too, the dark continent IS so cool.. I just imagine leorio going there and getting so sick and shitting mutant diahrea and dying the SECOND he sets foot there and its awesome. That’s NOT what’s going to happen but im delighted at the opportunity.

This is the point where I’m writing something when i take a pause and wonder how the hell i got here. I have skimmed the above written text. Whatever point i think i was going to make, wasn’t made, but i expressed.. good feelings here. This is how i write. I typed all of that in about 15 minutes with no idea where it was gonna go. Part of the process now would be to go back, organize, edit, ect. To *TRY* to make it a little more comprehensible, as with all writing. Believe it or not i have gotten better at editing my own work. But the true nature of it all is still the same. And its the same in the way that i dont want, no matter how much i improve at my craft, i dont want to lose that enthusiasm i feel when i reach 58. I think that would be such a triumph, id be so lucky to be able to muster that energy. When I think of togashi, i think he has that. He has that real artistic spark that no amount of time/experience has ever diminished and that’s why i think he’s truly my personal favorite mangaka.  (maybe tezuka too)

[omeletcat]

Y'ALL I JSUT SHOWED MY DAD THIS DRAWING CAUS I WAS PROUD OF IT, AND HES LIKE "oh yea uh cool" AND THEN PROCEEDS TO GO "can't you use an ai or something for that already??" my jaw actually dropped in a what the fuck?? moment. andi. kept asking him wtf he meant and he kept avoiding it, i asked him "do you think ai art is actual art?" and he started dodging the question but basicly just said yes, LIKE WTFFF i said to him that if i accepted that ai art is real art, my own Skills would be worth nothing and my artistic skills are useless, AND THEN HE SAID THE WORST THING YET " nobody has to know that you use it" LIKE WTFFFFF I'M ASTOUNDED,f I'M BAFFLED Y'ALL STRAIGHT UP FLABBERGASTED, NO DUMBFOUNDED EVEN THAT MY OWN DAD.... is a ai bro..... how will i live now?? knowing i was born from ai lovers???? am I EVEN AN ORIGINAL PERSON OR DID HE AI GENERATE HIS SPERM TOO??? /J/J/J

I JUST HAD TO SHARE CASU THIS IS CRAZY.