#and youll never guess what im also considering

[carcarrot]

would a gay little mullet fix me

[stevie-petey]

Hi m! I had a short blurb idea for you. Could we see Jonathan's pov after his fight with Nancy, and what drove him to go to bugs house? Also his POV throughout their car ride together? Thank you! ❤️

finally had time to get to this one and YES i can <333

enjoy !

"well then i guess we just dont understand each other anymore."

the pain in nancys voice hasnt left jonathans mind since he dropped her off at home hours ago.

he lays in his bed, sheets cold as the night creeps upon him. do they really not understand each other anymore? jonathan knows he understands nancys frustration, how painful it is to be overlooked, but how can he explain to her that hes unable to understand the feeling of security?

hes never had that before in his life. ever since he was a boy, his life has been defined by instability and insecurity.

it was meeting you that brought some sense of security into jonathans life. youre the only thing jonathan considers a constant in his life; he trusts that youll always be a part of him.

he isnt like nancy. he doesnt have a mom who attends to his needs. a house in a cul de sac with freshly painted shutters. jonathan doesnt have the privilege of being a kid, not when hes been helping to pay for his familys rent ever since he was fourteen and legally able to work. he isnt able to lose a job that can pay for his college like nancy can.

security is a foreign concept to jonathan that he cant understand, yet he understands that the burn within him is his love for nancy. and he understands that he cant lose her.

sighing, jonathan gets out of bed and towards the phone in the kitchen. he has to hear your voice, soothe his nerves, maybe even cry. right now, jonathan needs his best friend.

youll know what to do. you always do.

when he calls you and you sound just as exhausted as he feels, he knows that tonight will be one of your driving nights. a few years ago, when your only worries were exams and parental issues, you and jonathan would drive around hawkins late at night and pretend you were the only two people to exist.

as you got older, the need to drive became few and far between, but tonight jonathans chest is heavy and your voice sounds frail.

hes at your house in ten minutes, and within fifteen he has you in his passenger seat with an old mix tape playing as julys cool night seeps through the car. and, within thrity minutes, youve unwoven all of the intricate strings of fear and uncertainty within jonathan.

he loves you for how easily you put him at ease.

you simultaneously support jonathans side while also vehemently defend nancys. you console him, yet you also gently pry his head out of his ass.

"it frustrates me how you always manage to say the right thing." i love how you love me.

"youve known me for years now, its your fault for not getting used to it." ive grown up learning how to love you.

its easy. its as easy as breathing when it comes to you, and jonathan inhales as much of you as he can. for as long as he can, for as much as hes able to.

and then you break jonathans heart with six words.

"im terrified he'll be another 'almost'."

its as easy as breathing, and jonathan wishes that he could exhale for you. he hasnt forgotten the lines that were once almost his to cross. how he had you, all of you, and now youre steves and hes nancys.

in the end it was all for the best, but jonathan hates the scars he left behind. he hadnt meant to, they will always mar your body, and he will never forgive himself for it.

"im sorry, bug." he shouldve apologized earlier. he knows this.

he wishes that there was more he could do, more he could say. but hes never been good with words and hes scared he'll overstep somehow. say the wrong thing, hurt you even more. so instead jonathan holds your hands, kisses away your tears, and silently prays that steve doesnt make the same mistake that he did.

youre steves now, anyone can see that. you love him so deeply and freely that jonathan cant help but admire how beautiful it is. he can see it in steve, too. how much he loves you.

that boy adores you.

jonathan understands the feeling. he always will.

[dragon-queen21]

this is a spur of the moment, no plannings going into this one because im not doing very well but shhh!!!!

(first off, im sorry i didnt say something sooner, ive been seeing your concerning posts lately. are you okay? seriously? i dont know if this is a line im crossing but if you want i could drop my blog if you ever need to vent. im sorry if thats too much i don’t understand things like this sometimes, but i genuinely hope your okay.)

but i wanna speak about lil sanji real bad, because i had a dream i was little and ive been having a lot of ideas about him lately and i need to project. also in honor of the sanji fan zine thats coming out (and that im totally not considering buying for 85 dollars as a early birthday gift) (or late since it ships in march lol)

- um idk i feel like hes a quiet little, especially before the crew found out he was a regressor, he doesnt really wanna talk, he just wants to be around someone. like i can see him pre coming out finishing like lunch or something and coming out and just sitting with nami and robin and theyre like “hello sanji kun do you need anything?” only to be confused when he doesnt start twirling like a love sick school girl.

^ or him going up to zoro PEACEFULLY and just plopping down and zoros fighting DEMONS not to say something brash and ruin the moment because sanjis clearly not in the mood, or if he looked close enough, not in the right headspace to deal with a attitude

-or even post coming out i imagine him just making everyone take a turn in holding him, not like pick up holding just. in the aquarium or something sitting on someones lap holding him close. give my guy some comfort PLEASE

- has one specific stuffed animal he keeps with him all the time. like first thing he asks for when hes tiny, f pacis, f sippys, give him his STUFFIE!!!!!!!!! youll never guess what it is (its a fish)

- i know a lot of people say sanji woukd be scared of the bigger members of the crew, and i so agree with that, but BUT the bigger members of the crew holding sanji like a actual baby? proportionally hes closer to the size of one if their hands

- no thoughts in this guys head, its just straight static. when hes younger, he has to like actually try to force two coherent thoughts together. i dont know he regresses really little a lot of the time, id say he stays closer to babyspace/toddlerspace than anything on the older side (he has so much trauma to work through)

ok im done im really sad so im gonna go to something productive to not. be sad byeebywwbyewww

📷

Thank you. I am just… having a time of it right now. People are… cruel, we’ll just leave it at that. And no your not crossing any line, if anything your words warmed my heart. I’m doing alright. Not the best not the worst just, fine.

I’m sorry you’re going through things as well :< We can suffer and be sad together <3

~~~

~I’ve seen talk about that zine floating around. 85 dollars is a lot but it would be fun to get.

Let me know if you do get it!

~“twirling like a love sick school girl.”

<- okay that made me chuckle. I can imgine there were so many alarm bells going off in their head. And maybe the just think that “oh Sanji’s… quiet”

~Zoro just aggressively chomping down on his sword and training to keep himself from saying something he knows will be stupud and unhelpful. And Sanji just seems so… soft and Zoro is like 95% sure this is some horrible mistake

~Attention starved. He’s just attention starved. Give the baby cuddles

~I’m quite partial towards the head canon of Zoro buying him a stuffed turtle. Sanji looking back and forth between Zoro and the plush before declaring “moss.” With no other explanation. Is that the plushes name? Is he just saying Zoro’s name? Who knows, certainly not Zoro.

~See I’m telling you. Caregiver Franky + babyspace Sanji. Just kdbjdbd best duo. (I just really really love cg Franky)

[astarionancuntnin]

✨Writing Interview Tag Game✨

Thank you for the tag @nyx-knox!! <33

When did you start writing?

Like wayyyyyyyyy back, I technically wrote my first story when i was 11. I didn't write again until i was 15 (original pieces + fanfics), then i stopped and Im back at it again at 26 ayoooo

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

if i really need to search further into my favorite books, i would definitely say psychological horror and dramas

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

I don't know writers enough to really get an idea of how to compare myself to any of them, but I do know that i tend to emulate what i'm exposed to, so if I read an entire series from an author, and they used a certain syntax, i'll tend to also do it by force of habit. (i also consider it a flaw cause i see it as hindering my writing creativity ;-;)

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

its my personal pc that doubles as my work space, so its a bit all over the place ngl haha, theres a lot of astarion stickers and posters, all the furniture (keyboard, mouse, desk, etc) is pastel purple (my favorite colour), i have three screens (mostly for work but its also useful in day to day life) and my three wallpapers are astarion, of course. sometimes when i feel a writers block, i found out that writing on my laptop does unblock me! in that case, youll find me typing away on my couch in my living room uwu

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

MUSIC. What I write will be highly dependent on what I listen at the moment, like I was really into boywithuke when i wrote my angsty fics, and then i moved to a dark romance playlist and that got me going for die for you but then i was unable to continue my other fic cause i wasnt in an angsty mood anymore ._. (i swear i didnt abandon it, it just isnt the playlists turn to play on repeat) and rn im a lot into sleep token and ari abdul

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

So. Much. Smut. And angst. not surprising! my writing will also often depict my current state of mind. dw im in therapy, im working on it

What is your reason for writing?

It's my favorite creative output/the one im most experienced in! i wanna start drawing but i never find the time to really get into it and also terrified of failure which brings me to my second reason, its all i think i can do and i get dopanine reading nice comments teehee

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

when people tell me about a favourite part, when they liked the tension i managed to create, how i convey some characters, and most of all when i get told they loved a character i created!! this is so encouraging and pushes me to continue <3

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

i dont know how to answer to that .-. uh, i guess i want to be liked? seen as a good writer if anything? idk man ;-;

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Definitely descriptions, and creating a build up in a scene. I feel like it comes naturally to me and people have often told me that they are never lost when reading my scenes which reassures me so much LMAO I feel validated I also think I make really fun dialogue, especially banter with my ocs/tavs

How do you feel about your own writing?

i often self criticise my own work a lot, and i get that imposter syndrome where ill reread my work before posting and go "what the hell" in those moments, im grateful im not writing on paper cause that sheet would find its way to the trash real quick ^^ ' im sincerely truly blessed that my partner offers himself to read my pieces and beta read them, and tell me his honest opinion (there are things i wrote i wish i could forget and yall better be thankful he was there to stop me from posting first versions)

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

mix of both definitely. initially i wrote my own ideas and if people do end up liking them hell yeah!!! glad im able to find people that vibe the same way i do! then again, when i write for people, even if most of it comes from my silly little imagination, it was initially influenced by the request itself and is going to guide the writing specific to this piece, which honestly makes sense imo

Tagging 🏷️: @marlowethebard @roguishcat @anacdoce @charmandabear @marimosalad

[sso-maev]

Honestly I’m really happy with how they characterised Sabine in the new quests. I was kind of worried with last year’s events, because they seemed like they were trying to make the DR more redeemable in a way that didn’t really line up with the books. (Idk if redeemable is the right word but. More like they didn’t treat them like actual villains I guess?? They were just kind of rude in a “youll never understand my angst” type of way)

The DR aren’t humans, but they’re people. They couldn’t care less about human endangerment and morality, but that doesn’t mean they’re soulless. Sabine wants to be included in the dressage festival, but doesn’t care about the fact that people won’t want to hang out with her if she keeps dismissing the fact that she’s hurting them. I also like that’s it’s sort of ambiguous if she genuinely wants to be included in the festival, or just uses it as a coverup for getting our help with wreaking havoc. She could totally be tricking us, but she could also be totally honest about the fact that she wants to set off decorations that she personally finds cool because “Im obviously right, why would anyone disagree with me?”

Like yes!! It makes sense that Sabine would do this! She doesn’t care about what humans consider harmful because she’s not from earth. She also dislikes that we act like we’re going to help her and then turn on her. (She’s obv in the wrong here, we didn’t know that she was planning something that could get people hurt. I’m just saying I see her reasoning.)

This is a really good middle ground I think. The DR don’t have to be typical mean girl cliches and they also don’t have to be redeemable. They can be interesting AND be bad people and I love that!

[sadistpet]

Meet the Writer

it's munday everybunny you know what that means

ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘɪᴄᴋ ᴜᴘ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴜʀʀᴇɴᴛ ᴍᴜꜱᴇ(ꜱ) ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ?

i love choosing muses that aren’t very. canonically fleshed out. it gives me a lot of opportunity to make them into my own ig :3

raikov is generally a pretty blank slate besides the little we know about him ( being violent / sadistic, being in love with volgin, u kno ) and i think he's potentially a really interesting character from what little we see of him. im personally not ascribed to the eva theory bc i think its kinda silly and robs him of a lot of his personal agency, but it is a common theory, so i kinda wanted to build up a characterisation that was more. faithful to canon rather than fanon u kno. plus sometimes my autism just latches onto specific random characters for no reason and in this case it was raikov JDSFHDFKJ my partner loves raiden and when we were scrolling his wiki page for the funnies obviously raikov's page comes up at the top as a "maybe you meant this" and i just kept coming back to him

ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ?

SURPRISINGLY ENOUGH i hate writing anything with like. eating?? which is ironic considering . raikov . but i just never know how to word it BUT aside from that i think combat is really the only thing ! just cause i feel like it relies heavily on input from both parties and i constantly feel like im overstepping kjshkfjhg

ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ?

fluff angst smut grins. they just come a lot easier to me, especially angst because i always have a LOT to say about silly little internal thought processes and i love writing sadness and pain ^-^ it makes me very gleeful ironically jdkhfdjhg i get very emotionally invested in angst especially. smut is a little bit harder? kinda like with combat ironically it heavily relies on the input of both parties but i do feel for the most part its pretty open ended fun :3

ʜᴏᴡ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴꜱ?

i just know. BUT NO SERIOUSLY sometimes it's just Vibes, sometimes it's through reading canon stuff and linking it back to my backstory for him, sometimes it's through interactions with others. there's a lot :3 i do put a lot of thought into my headcanons though, maybe like. too much lmao. but i enjoy it i really love doing a lot of analysis to get to my headcanons

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ɪɴ ꜱɪʟᴇɴᴄᴇ ᴏʀ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀʏ ᴍᴜꜱɪᴄ?

a bit of both ! rn i'm writing in silence and i think last night i was mostly writing in silence on my phone and then listening to music while i finished stuff on pc. i think it depends ? sometimes i just get really distracted when listening to music and end up completely neglecting actually writing HDFJGHED so i think overall i prefer silence, or something in the background that i've already seen before so i don't need to pay much attention to it

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀᴇᴘʟɪᴇꜱ ᴏʀ ᴡɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇᴍ?

i love winging it :3 i like the unpredictability of it but i think i tend to like. outline ? replies before i actually write them properly. ive never really plotted with anyone besides a vague kinda outline or premise, because i do really like the unpredictability :3 but im always open to plotting grins cutely.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ꜱʜɪᴘᴘɪɴɢ?

Yes. not just romantic shipping; sexual, enemies, rivals, whatever, idgaf I LOVE CONNECTIONS!!!!!!! i love being able to write relationships between characters. even if its like, familial relationships or whatever, i think it's SO FUN like ourgh. grins really big

ᴡʜᴀᴛ'ꜱ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴀʟɪᴀꜱ/ɴᴀᴍᴇ?

frances ! it’s not my irl name but the one im most comfortable using online. i also go by rosalind, neo, and vanya :3 one of these is closest to my irl name but youll never guess

ᴀɢᴇ?

22, 23 this year somehow

ʙɪʀᴛʜᴅᴀʏ?

september 17th !

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ᴄᴏʟᴏʀ(ꜱ)?

pink. fairy tale pink. baby pink. any shade of pink

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴏɴɢ(ꜱ)?

UM im not sure ?? of all time maybe dysph.oric reverie by [redacted] and the art of suicide by emilie autumn and valley of the dolls by marina atm though its a stranger i remain and holding out for a hero

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴍᴏᴠɪᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ?

the thing (1982) !! oh it was so fucking good i really really enjoyed it. theres a bunch of old classic horror films ive never seen so im glad i could tick one off the list :3 the effects in it were absolutely stunning my goodness

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ?

i think it was blue eye samurai ?? i gen dont remember

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱᴏɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪꜱᴛᴇɴᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ?

im so sorry for my crimes but it was the stains of time and then holding out for a hero

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜰᴏᴏᴅ?

meat. and sweet things. i dont think i really have any favourites in particular besides liiiike caramel

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴇᴀꜱᴏɴ?

spring ! all the other seasons make me depressed in some way somehow

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ ʙᴇꜱᴛ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ?

i have avoidant personality disorder so im too scared to explicitly call anybody my friend in case they hate me so unfortunately i will not think of us as friends unless yuou tell me we are. but if i talk to you / interact with you regularly just know i consider u a friend ok. snf

[shhroomer]

13 n 17 for ur oc ?! ^_^

hi hi !! sorry this has taken so long, been a busy week wahahah

13. How important are romantic relationships to your OC? Do they prefer casual sex, short flings, or long term relationships? Do they want to get married or are they content with what they have? Or do they have no interest in romance whatsoever?

a complete hopeless romantic </3 think puppy love, hand holding and all of that ooey gooey shit LMAOOO (shes the type to watch/read romance content and just sigh and go "i wish that were me"). blast beebadoobee/laufey/every love song you can think of and thats her

She's a long term kind of gal, and when she crushes she crushes hard.

Exhibit A is when she gets a crush on one guy in elementary school where she was just completely obsessed with him without ever talking to him, since she crushed on her idealized version of him (real honestly). Though after a couple of failed attempts and actually talking to the guy and realizing he's nothing like she's imagined, the crush slowly fades away and she gets over it

And then there's Exhibit B, where she gets the "fuck im in love with my best friend" treatment, lol (take a guess who said best friend is, youll never get it)

She'd want to get married one day but probably not anytime soon! Like minimum in her 30s.

I'd like to imagine that at some point she tries using a dating app in a desperate attempt at love (to which she gets teased relentlessly for and loses 1000 aura in the process). But then after not even one date, she freaks out completely because the prospect of going to meet someone with romantic intent was so anxiety-inducing that she just cancelled every subsequent date after LMAO

sigh what can i say, she's just a girl

17. Does your OC have an enemy? What happened between them? Is it mutual or one-sided? Is it petty or serious? Is one party seeking revenge? Does one person want the other dead or are they content to hate them from afar? 

The easy answer would be Cartman LOLL I wouldn't necessarily put her in the same category as Kyle in terms of hater energy though. She would definitely get into a couple of arguments and fights with him, but over time she's just........ learned its best to ignore it. No point in trying to correct someone who's never going to change. She still gets mad at him, but more often than not she would just feel pity for him. Cartman would also probably not like her cause he's Cartman but would also be low key scared of her (lore reasons...... perhaps ill elaborate it in another post).

Ummm,,,, for now I can't think of anyone else who could possibly fit that role, but maybe Butters? Again, not that she'd consider him her enemy, and in fact I think they'd get along quite well on certain occasions! But I think that there would be a lot of ups and downs before they could ever close, the biggest reason being the whole misogyny thing.

[mfshipbracket]

dyou think youll do a losers bracket once the whole thing is over/redemption rounds if theres a tie in a poll ?? sorry if youve answered something like this before ,, if you have i havemt seen it </3 also. sorry 4 being so mentally ill in the notes of the everlark vs orpheus/eurydice poll. in my defense im mentally ill about everlark

BFKSKFJFK losers bracket. love the ring of that.

i’m considering redemption rounds for ties for sure!! idk if i’d do a whole new set of rounds for the losers cause well. this is exhausting i’m learning. but it’d be kind of funny. i guess we’ll see the mood in a few weeks lol

also never apologize for being passionate abt ur blorbos. that’s what this is abt. defending ur ships and being sillay. love is love

[b1zmuth]

Welcome To Hell!

Episode 2 

‘’Shitty Beginnings’’

´angel, angel, go away!´

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**BOOM**

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My head hurts. 

Well, considering how i just landed flat on my face after falling 50000+ miles, would be a pretty much expected response. 

Starting to look around at my newfound surroundings, i noticed a brightly lit sign up ahead- so i dusted myself off and pulled the gigantic splinter out of my hand and walked up to it, inspecting it and reading what it said.

‘’WELCOME TO HELL! YOUR NEW GUILTY PLEASURE LIES AHEAD.’’

Cheeky.

I also noticed that there was a small booth box with a older looking demon inside of it- walking up to it i got ready to speak but was interrupted by the woman speaking.

‘’Another one? Jesus facking christ! You little angels are dropping like flies down here! *HACK* *COUGH* name and registraaaaaation pleaze.’’ the clerk lady said whilst puffing her lung cancer smoke in my face

‘’I go by Koi, no last name nor registration- they dont really do that up there.’’ i responded fanning away the thick black smoke with my hand

‘’Thats just sooooooo facking nice. I guess ill jast have to *COUGH* make you a licanse.’’ the clerk lady said whilst printing me out a card and handing it to me through the shielded screen adorned with bullet holes and.. Something else. 

‘’Thank you’’ i said whilst attempting to walk away- only to be abruptly stopped by the clerk lady flagging me down. 

‘’Sweethart.. That gate is only used for the royal personalities! Youll have to use the tube to get to da main citay.’’ 

‘’The tube? What do you me-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!’’ 

‘’Cane. Where the hell is this new transfer student? Weve been sitting here for HOURS now!’’ 

‘’I dont know, Calico just said be here early so they wouldn't wander off’’ 

‘’Great! I really wanted to spend my Monday night sitting on the cold hard floor instead of fucking SLEEPING.’’ 

‘’Dont you do this shit every NIGHT? Get over it. Youll be o-fucking-kay!’’

‘’I hope you slip and fall.’’

Really. I JUST came out of my comatose state from breaking a bone or two even getting here- only to be send flying downwards through a tube that smells.. Rancid! 

It smells like garbage juice in here..gosh.

Landing facefirst on the ground again, i found myself fully redressed in a school outfit, and having two large figures standing above me 

I JUST GOT HERE!! How am I already getting mugged? Oh right.. This is hell..

‘’Well, there's your answer, finally! after an hour of waiting.’’

‘’Hi. Are you the new transfer student?’’ 

‘’I guess so, i just landed facefirst in the ground so?’’ 

‘’Ha! Thats so tough man- could never be me though.’’ 

I got up and dusted myself off only to get up close and VERY personal with the two figures, examining the one to my right, seemed like someone who would be a serial killer- he had on a weird mask that had a crude drawing of a smiley face on it, seemed to have dark skin that was rough like a dragons scale, had long goat-like horns that seemed to reach around his head, and was significantly taller than the one to my left. 

The one to my left seemed WAY more approachable than the other.. Guy. he had multiple long horns and multiple eyes, all narrowly pointed towards me, he looked sinister, but also like someone i could possibly use and trust.

But alas, this is hell.

‘’Welcome To Hell.’’ Both of them simultaneously said.

‘’My name is Cane Witherspoon, future heir to the throne of Hell, and current prince of hell.’’ The one to my left ‘’Cane” said whilst giving me the worlds most blank stare.

‘’Im Simon. No last name. Lets keep the introduction short and simple.’’ The one to my right named ‘’Simon’’ responded

Great. Nevermind my great thinking on making these two my allies. There is no way in HEAVEN that will i fool around with someone this wicked.

‘’My name is Koi, they don't give us last names in Heaven. Short and sweet- just like how you wanted it.’’ i responded, now starting to tense up

Simons eyes seemed to light up when he heard my name.. I guess we knew eachother in a different time.

‘’Thats great. Fuckin amazin. Now i have to deal with even MORE paperwork.’’ Simon said whilst rolling his eyes

‘’I guess we’ll have to be your guide, cmon. We totally dont bite!’’ Cane added starting to walk away

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‘’Lucky for you, my father has prepared a special room for you.’’ Cane turned to me and said

‘’Did your dickass dad really make this poor kid sleep in the basement of our dor-’’ Simon almost said before i cut him off

‘’Its alright, its better than what i was sleeping on up there.’’ I said whilst preparing a spell.

Suddenly, the room was lit and shrouded in clouds and dim lights, with a gigantic and fluffy cloud bed and furniture, adorned just the way i liked it.. Not to bright to where it would irritate me.

‘’What the fuck?’’ they both said looking at me with the most confused look on their faces 

‘’Language! Saying bad words in here will TOTALLY kill you oooooh!’’ i said mimicking a ghost whilst flopping ontop of my new bed

‘’Har har, very funny.. Did they not give you this treatment in Heaven?’’ Cane asked whilst playing with my dangling stars that hung from the roof

‘’No, not since HE took over. We got forced to sleep on.. Something.’’ i said trying to hold back a voice crack

‘’Oh. I know we arent supposed to really show any type of emotion but, i feel for you.’’ Simon said whilst rolling on the floor, clearly loving the clouded floor

‘’You two are demons, i highly doubt that you even feel for me, to you guys i am of lesser value.’’ i said whilst still laying in my bed

‘’Never thought of you as lesser value, we just dont like meeting new angels since they always are cocky about them coming from heaven- you seem different.’’ Cane responded still playing around with the dangling stars 

‘’Thats somewhat reassuring- thanks.’’ i said whilst giving a playful kick to Canes shins

*Two yellow auras, one swirled with grey and one swirled with pink.

Their auras dont tell me anything concerning, for now i guess i can trust them?

I still dont see how Cane is actually finding some excitement by playing with dangling stars. Ha.

‘’Oh yeah, we still have to introduce you to school and more around the eternal shitdump of hell.’’ Cane responded, looking down and at a faint snoring noise. 

I also instinctively looked down to find a sleeping Simon.. Sleeping. On. MY. floor!

Ugh. Cmon.

‘’If you want, you guys can stay the night- because im NOT waking up that sleeping beast.’’

‘’Sure, but as much as id love to sleep on your floor, i can really only get a goodnights sleep floating.’’ 

‘’I don't even like sitting whilst floating, so the fact that your able to sleep whilst doing it baffles me.’’  

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‘’An influx of memories caused by a traumatic event.. Is that why your here?’’

‘’Yes.. I think.’’

‘’Lets see.. What type of tramautic response is this causing for you?’’

‘’I guess more nightmares and ----.’’ 

--scribble scribble--

‘’Ah, yes! I realize now.. Are you feeling like this due to the daybreak event?’’ 

‘’That might be the stemming problem for me.. I just miss ---sh and --i. I left them up there with HIM.’’ 

--scribble-- --tap-- tap-- --scribble--

‘’Do you want me to watch over them for you?’’ 

‘’Yes. Please make sure that they both remain safe.’’

‘’As you know, i cannot guarantee their safety as they eventually will have to come down here to hide.’’ 

‘’Thats okay. They are mature enough to handle the crown prince and any other foe that comes into contact with them.’’

‘’But! --sh, poor, poor --sh. Hes always had a savior complex- so im afraid that if --i goes, --sh will stay behind in order to save him.’’

‘’Him and his fucking savior complex. Its nice when your being the one saved but trying to save him just makes that a pain in the as-’’

‘’Language. This is technically a holy sacred temple of our savior.’’

‘’Okay. Can we talk a bit more about arrangements for them?’’ 

‘’Of course, Castiel.’’

‘’Koi? Wake up.’’ a tall figure standing right over me said 

‘’Wha- what? Why?’’ i responded in a groggy tone

As i FINALLY opened my eyes and looked up, i saw Simon and Cane standing over me with tired looks on their faces  

‘’Because i said so! You have to get up and get ready for school’’ Simon said whilst picking me up from the neckline of my cloud pajamas :(

‘’Hey HEY! Easy on the pajamas!’’ i said whilst jumping out of my bed  and successfully landing flat on my face 

‘’Ugh.. Hold on i have to get my uniform dont i?’’  i asked simon

‘’Yeah here.. I ironed it out for you last night’’ Cane said whilst holding up a perfectly good red and black school uniform’’

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*jingle jangle* ‘’can you stop with that shit? Does it look like i want to hear your car keys- knowing good n’ fuckin well where we are going! ‘’ Simon snapped at Cane 

‘’Aw. Youll be fucking ok! Koi looks happy to go’’ Cane responded with a smirk 

‘’Thats fantastic!! You point out the goody two shoes and say ‘’HE LOOKS HAPPY TO GO TO SCHOOL!’’ dickwad.’’ Simon snapped back, rolling his eyes

Boy do they bicker much. 

I dont really think that Simon has the hots for me considering their attitude this morning- but they just might be upset that they cant do their regular dose of  anarchy.

‘’Oh PLEASE! Shut the fuck up! Clearly robotnik is the better villian than metal sonic’’

‘’Whats better? A metal robot designed for killing and kicking ass or some fatass long nosed bitch?’’ 

Both of the boys bickering slowly faded as they walked out of the door.. Without Koi. Maybe he should stop with his lousy daydreaming and catch a hint.

‘’What?’’ ‘’Simon left something here.. Looks like a diary. Wait WAIT! Did they seriously leave me?? On the first day of school??’’

After 2 hours, Cane finally noticed that Koi was nowhere to be seen and promptly turned around the car and sped back to the house. ‘’You FUCKING idiot! How the hell can you lose a damn bright ass angel??’’ ‘’Hes not my obligation or problem now- this ones on you’’

Yeah, that car ride to the school was pretty uncomfortable. 

Simon thought it would be a funny joke to make me sit in a childs car seat.. What a piece of work he is. 

As Cane pulled into the parking lot of the school, Simon only sighed in response and got out of the car, throwing a fit all the way to the door and punting some poor kid like a football who was just minding their own business. 

‘’Ight Koi. i have only one rule for you- and thats STICK WITH ME. im not getting in deep shit because you wandered off.’’ Cane turned around and said to me 

‘’Im not stupid. They atleast teach us that you demons would have a ‘’ory.. Gasm?’’ if you saw us anywhere near you.’’ I responded tugging on the door handle to no avail though.

Cane only started laughing and got out of the car to meet me at the door.

‘’Whoopsies, child lock’’ he said, winking at me and offering his hand.

‘’You both are so insufferable! I am not THAT short!’’ (i still took this hand though, his car was pretty tall.) i snorted back with a small smile 

‘’Yeah yeah whatever you say short boy’’ Cane responded smiling back and walking to the office. 

Whilst we walked in the long hallways, Cane suddenly stopped and looked at me with a weird face, and asked me a question

‘’Oh. I have to take a quick piss- and i have a student council meeting in 5 minutes too. Can you find a student with a red tag on and ask them for directions to the office?’’

‘’Sure- but-’’ 

‘’Kay, thanks’’ Cane responded and ruffled my hair and PROMPTLY disintegrated into.. Nothing? 

I guess he has teleportation powers or something.

As i looked around, i finally found a student with a red tag on and asked them for directions, but they were about to say something before a taller female figure hushed them and told them sternly to help me. 

Sooner or later the teacher walked away and so did the STUDENT?? 

So now, poor Koi stood there like deer in headlights frantically searching around for someone else, to literally no avail since the hallway was CLEAR. 

‘’Oh my.’’ Koi said to himself 

Walking down the halls he eventually found a curtained off room with about.. Six shadows moving around inside.

Good god am i not going inside of there- ill just keep on walking around and pray that the office magically appears.. 

‘’Are you looking for something?’’ A deep and gruff voice said from behind him 

Poor Koi almost jumped out of his skin hearing a sudden voice.. Only to find a shadow.. Man? Standing behind him. ‘’Im sorry, im looking for the office or somewhere to find my schedule. Are you a guide here?’’ Koi timidly asked because aside from demons, he HATED shadow people. ‘’Im not a guide, but i am apart of the Student Council here. Your overseer Cane asked me to locate you to give you your schedule.’’ the shadow figure responded, blinking its red eyes and handing a paper to Koi 

‘’Well, arent i supposed to address you or something? Also thank you!’’ Koi responded with a smile 

‘’Excuse my rudeness. I havent introduced myself. I am Kortax, and yes, i am a higher being shadow.’’ Kortax said, bowing as an apology and greeting

Oh, you cannot be serious. NOT HIM. ‘’Oh, yeah… thanks.’’ 

‘My pleasure.’’ 

You best believe i booked it to the nearest hallway.. Just to get away from him. Well, luckily i had my schedule now so i can atleast go to class… Worship & backwards messaging.. 

Great! That seems like a fun class to attend, maybe i can learn how to- ‘’This class has to be the most mind-numbing class ever, when will the teacher shut up for once? I actually cant believe i thought this class would be somewhat FUN.’’ .

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The intercom crackled to life with a loud ear-shattering echo. ‘’Will Koi Kishimoto report to the office immediately’’

Seriously, out of all the names for a LAST name they pick THAT??

The silence in the room was deafening as everyone nearly broke their necks to look back at him and koi could only hold his head down in shame. A consecutive ‘’OOOOOOOOOOH!’’ roared across the classroom Koi got up and took the walk of shame to the office. As he arrived, you could hear distant shouting, and as Koi got closer to the office doors, it got louder… and louder.

“I want to know where the FUCK is our tour guide! We cannot have a transfer student roaming the damn halls!’’ shouted a very tall and muscular demon ‘’Im so sorry Principal Wither, apparently the tour guide decided 9AM was smoke break time.’’ A much smaller and frail demon responded ‘’That doesnt matter anymore you lazy shit! I will just get this new transfer student…’’ Principal Wither responded ‘’Koi Kishimoto?’’ ‘’Yes him, i will get this Koi Kishimoto to get a full tour by my youngest son.’’ Principal wither said ‘’Okay, Koi should be on his way soon then.’’ ‘’Finally, you do something fucking GOOD for once Blanco! Principal Wither laughed out Koi just had to listen to that whole dramafest, a bit mentally scarred from the Principals endless yelling. The Vice Principal named ‘’Blanco’’ turned around and finally addressed Koi. ‘’Ah, you must be Koi Kishimoto, correct?’’ ‘’Yeah, im Koi.’’  

‘’Take a seat then’’ Koi VERY reluctantly took a seat at the desk “Its about time that you show up, Let me introduce myself. I am Principal Wither, and this Fuckhead right here is Vice Principal Blanco”

Seriously?

“I see that your tour guide wasnt up to par, no?’’ “Yeah, he kinda like ditched me the second the teacher walked away.’’

“.. so your saying Cane defied his duties today?’’ 

‘’No, no sir. Cane had to excuse himself to go use the restroom and deal with a student council matter’’

‘’Thats splendid.. The student council meeting should be ending soon.. CALICO! Bring my son to me this INSTANT!’’

‘’Oh! Uh.. ye-yes sir!’’ 

I really just figured that maybe i wouldnt want to be in the same room as both Canes father and him so i just packed up and went back to class.

The class was boring. Litterally had nothing to do with Worshiping and backwards messaging. But since i still have no cl

ue in the world where im going, i just waited for Cane to appear, either way, my next class is Dark Magic training, but im hoping that the teacher will just let me sit the class out.

  ‘’Koi?’’ Cane said, suddenly appearing right behind my shoulder, and finally moving to stand beside me.

‘’Yes Cane?’’ i responded, clearly tired

‘’Sorry about my dad, i know he frightened you a bit.’’ Cane retorted, with a small snicker and putting his arm around my neck 

‘’Look Cane, ive had a really, REALLY stressful day- could you NOT? Everytime i turn a corner, this man and that man wants to look me up and down like im a piece of ham!!’’ I finally snapped, yelling at cane

‘’Jesus, calm down for a second- first of all, you are quite literally a piece of ham to these animals up here, you know how valuable angel scent is going for?’’ 

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‘’What?’’

===============

Cane is pretty cool. He makes me laugh alot, it helps distract me from what happened above. My head hurts anytime that i really think about it.

‘’Koi! Quit fuckin spacing out. Were supposed to be helping you tour the school, not watching you run into a damn wall because your heads stuck in fucking lalaloopsie land.’’ Cane told me, purposefully bumping into me to wake me up

‘’Huh? Oh yeah sure- wheres that serial killer guy or whatever his name was’’

‘’Ha! Thats oh… HAAAA- oh my fucking god- ive gotta tell Simon you said that HeHEEEEEE’’

‘’Dont! Please for the love of god, hes gonna murder me!!’’

‘’With what? A fucking Cereal box and a bowl of milk? HAAAaaaa’’

[credulouscanidae]

every day i live in a passive limbo, waiting for the moment i suddenly feel better and can confront my anxiety, paranoia, and loneliness.

i feel like i have been shattered, and left in pieces with no glue to be put back together.

every day my existentialism and history of being gaslit dominates my brain and i can never make sense of my thoughts and feelings. i am constantly second-guessing myself, and implanting intentions that weren't previously there. i feel like i am required to have constant self-awareness, and to not have so means that i am Obviously Insane and Unsalvagable.

people on the outside would think im just a very holistic thinking person. which is true, and can be a good thing. but honestly? it's detrimental to how i perceive myself. i cannot unabashedly live in the moment of anything. i am, by default, viewing myself from a third person perspective in a hyper critical way. i feel afraid to fall into any category of people or labels, because to claim anything about myself is felt to either be a lie, a mockery of people who are "really" that thing, or it's attention seeking (which of course is the worst thing you could ever do right?)

even claiming to be existential causes a fear and anxiety that i am being pretentious or not self aware that it's a very human experience. my detachment from the world, my trauma, my existentialism, none of it is important or matters because others experience it too.

i cannot begin to describe what gaslighting does to the brain.

what it's done to me.

i dont even wanna claim ive become very isolated because others also experience it. id say the lockdowns from 2020-2021 triggered this, but i think more and more and realise that i wouldve done this when my mum died, or even earlier had i not had a confident person with friends take me under their wing.

i feel my whole life has come into question. i feel like my old home, my old life, my friends and pet and loved ones, dont exist anymore. i feel like im a dead person, looking back on their life and realising who i really was. all the mistakes and inconsiderate behaviours i ever done. it just fuels the fire of the gaslit brain.

everything i ever do or feel is a contradiction. i dont matter to others, but i also have more of an impact on others than i realise. the impact i have matters more than what im ever feeling, and for me to not be self aware of that clearly demonstrates how selfish and horrible i truly am.

maybe it's why people think im such a giving, non-judgemental, and sweet person. im not. im angry. im subjugated. im frightened. like a deer in the headlights, i have no choice. im easygoing and agreeable because i am scared of disagreeing or giving my thoughts through normal debate. because doing so in the past has caused assumptions about me, or intentions skewed or created. my words did not matter, but also they did.

i dont know how to just. start talking to people again. i have been given advice from people who have dealt with isolation but. i know the secret is to challenge yourself and do things even when you dont feel ready, because youll never feel ready, but how? i have lost so much. i dont have the support i need to do something so brave. because i am a coward who avoids and runs away. thats probably manipulative for me to do anyway. ive dug myself into a hole i cant climb out of. ive literally made it worse for myself for no reason. and now i cant even face the consequences of my own inaction.

but why would i wish for people to be there for me when i cant even be there for them? i know i would be there for them, in a heartbeat, but i cannot right now. thats selfish and manipulative to say i guess but. it's not fair that others dont get considered as a result of me not considering myself. mental illness makes you selfish. it makes you not a good friend.

i want to be a real friend.

dont wanna break when i bend.

.....

i have a therapist im gonna be seeing every 2 weeks. if this doesnt work out, then idk what i'll do. i have settled for the most part, and when life feels good, when my roots are grounding and growing in england, it feels good. i dont have many friends here, but i am happy with my partner and his friends, but it feels like i have so many loose ends and a life i have left behind that i cant face. and i am guilty when i experience happiness, let alone share it. because that doesnt align with my narrative that im suffering. which i am, but, i am also trying to survive and live in the life i currently have.

i guess that's what happens to the gaslit brain.

but i have to believe things will get better.

because if i don't

then what?

[turtle-clown]

I don’t actually have a title for this one. It’s just a silly half chatfic where mikey says something ab a Mountain goats lyric and everyone gets slightly concerned

Also usernames: Donnie is BoyGirlAutism, Mikey is SilliestGuy, raph is CrimsonFkr, April is CarrieIRL, and Casey is HockeyPunk

It was late at night when Donatello stopped working on her current project to check the family group chat (well, it’s not just family considering April and Casey’s presence in it). The other ones on at this time were Mikey (who was in turtle's room), April (who she guessed was pulling an all nighter from earlier messages), Casey and Raph (who were both hanging out on the surface). At the moment, it seemed that Mikey and Raph were arguing while Casey popped in occasionally to type something like “lmao” or “lol”, with April seemingly just watching the argument considering her lack of input on the discussion at hand.

————————————

CrimsonFkr> I just don’t get why you put shit like jellybeans and marshmallows on pizza

SilliestGuy> erm. your literally afraid of bugs bozo

HockeyPunk> lol

CrimsonFkr> mikey I hope you die rn

SilliestGuy> </3 hand in unlovable hand I guess

> have fun guessing whos who tho

> (spoiler alert im the one w the unlovable hand lawl)

————————————

And, in just three messages, Mikey caused him to go from smiling at how ridiculous this argument and the rebuttals are to shock at what his sibling just sent. As he tried to process just exactly what they said, everyone else in the chat had just about the same reaction.

————————————

CrimsonFkr> HUH.?

CarrieIRL> MIKEY????

HockeyPunk> DUDE??

SilliestGuy> ?

————————————

She finally managed to get herself to type something.

————————————

BoyGirlAutism> Mikey are you. Alright??

SilliestGuy> do you really need to ask that

BoyGirlAutism> .

> Fair enough I guess??

> That doesn’t mean we won’t talk about this later

SilliestGuy> (;;;*_*)

> (･_├┬┴┬┴

BoyGirlAutism> 🫵 Don’t try to hide you and your emotions from me I know where you sleep

SilliestGuy> YOULL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE!!!!!!

HockeyPunk> bruh are we just gonna brush past the fact mike basically trauma dumped via a mountain goats lyric

CrimsonFkr> i think. now that im past the initial shock of it it seems about right for this family

CarrieIRL> And how do you know what turtle was referencing Jones 🤨

CrimsonFkr> yea case how do you know 🤨📸

SilliestGuy> DITDUEZFUDHEJEHHFHFJF

HockeyPunk> hey now

————————————

And, just like that, the strangely silly mood of the chat came back. As fun as he found the chats antics to be, he couldn’t help but think of what Mikey just admitted. Has… this been how he’s been feeling for this entire time? If not then when did he start feeling like that?

All she knew is that it would be an absolute mess to deal with (especially once Leo catches up on what happened in the chat, only the gods know how that’ll end up). But first, she needed to sleep before she could properly deal with that.

[lunarain0918]

Falling hard for people you've never met

Specifically made this account for my over thinking lol. Okay so 3 years I met two amazing people. To say that they changed my life is kinda an understatement, which does sound stupid. So first lets start with boy 1. boy 1 and boy 2 where bestfriends. I dont rallly remember how they met its whatevs. so me and boy 1 got really close and we texted eachother for about a year every single day. I mean there was not one second we werent talking. I never really got close to boy 2 which i knew he had some weird atraction towards me. I was also really young and naive and would let every remark that they said towards me slide. Like bro i was so blinded at it, when i first turned 19 i forgot about them somehwhat. i would still think about them from time to time. But when i first got to college i made the smartest decision to delete both of them days after they contacted me first. Now a couplde months later, i get a notification that boy 2 added me. my dumbass added him back then i think we talked for like 1 day and went back to no contact. After i turned 20 i noticed him starting to watch all my socials all the time and i wanted to text him to catch up but it was NOT worth it, so i didnt. Couple months later, i am back in college and i made the stupid decision to add boy 1 on social, which again was stupid but i did. This was like the day before spring break and me and my friend decided to be stupid that night and like stalk literally everyone and their baby mommas swear. We honestly could be like secret spys or something my god. Anyways the day of springbreak i unadded him because he didnt accept it. BLAH BLAH BLAh. anyways again one night with me and said friend i decided to text boy 2 and of course they are bestfriends so he texted boy 1 so he added me back. Also sorry if i sound incompetent in some sentences i am very gone. Anyways me and boy 2 text eveyday ish, then it started getting slower and slower and i remember getting mad at myself because i am letting this happen AGAIN sam situation different friend. Let me also explain me and boy 1 relationship was so confusing towards me because we didnt act like friends but less than a relationship typa deal. There are so many things i just now learned, three years later about boy 2 and it scared me and i told myself not to do the same shit again but i did lmao, no surprise and i hate myself for that. I tried excusing their behavor at certain time towards me, but there is only a certain limit your body can handle. It was weird that my body knew what was going to happen before i actually knew until that moment. In life your always going to meet people, and you really dont know if they are considered a lesson to teach you something, ot if they are going to be in your life completely. Which sucks because im impatiant and i always end up getting hurt. I finally started standing up for myself and not scared to speak up for myself. Thats new for me, people cant walk all over me anymore and ive never felt so alone. Let me expalin that. When you start actually saying something and people finally realize that youll sya something back is when they leave. They no longer have that power over you and they know that. I feel alone not lonely, better to not deal with people actions and not allow yourself to feel like that again. I devoted 3 years of my life towards them and im never allowing myself to be in an relationship or friendship, or whatever the fuck that was that constitely leaves me confused after every conversation. Im a new adult and i never want to go through that again, but once again i ahve a whole life ahead of me that its really inevetable, which sucks but character developemtn i guess. I do want to say that for both of them this is an apology for not meeting yall later on and not when i was so young. I think thats what kinda ruined in but i cant change anything about that. I dont regret that we met im actually glad i expirienced that with the both of them, but i think its time to move on. I say that but i know if they both texted me right now i would respond in an instant.

[kirazdaha]

HAHAHAHA Every Turk Family has one of those names and unironically mine does too 🫡 Tell your mother thank you she is a very lovely lady

I know all of the artists you listed below because my dad blasts them on the radio everytime we go out... I call it old people music but hey I never said it was bad, they're awesome and I might have memorised some of the artist's songs from how much I listen to them... Barış Manço is a classic without a doubt! Fun fact my parents were able to go to his concert and got a signed picture with him I will always envy how lucky they were 😭 I love how women in the industry made the most iconic songs I hear them often in weddings too! Or clubs, even though I only went to one once I'm not very fond of them...

My questions were do you have any tips or inspiration with how you draw! I love your art and artstyle and it's honestly what I've been trying to achieve for a while, I can't believe I'm learning how to draw men because of a silly lawyer show it's a disease...

(We are just having a conversation at this point) (I feel like those people who speak out loud in public) (I hope you and anyone who's reading this is having a good day :) be kind to yourself and others everyone)

OH MY GOD i envy them too😭😭 also omg that sounds like heaven to me. the other day i went out partying and i felt sooo out of place because i only knew like 3 songs. omg it was so so bad.

hmmm tips and inspiration…. my number 1 tip would definitely be to look at a lot of other artists you like and analyze what exactly you like. and then try to emulate that in your own work. i try to look for inspiration everywhere - artists online, traditional artists, old masters, 3d artists, even theatre and poetry, etc. - doesnt mean that i am equally inspired by them all (because all these things at once sound so scary and big but they really arent!) but rather, i try to be open for anything and that helps me find inspiration :) 

ill try to explain my thoughts more under the cut because this got long:

for me for example, so far i only posted some art i made that was lined (which, i would say makes up maybe half of the art i draw - i mostly sketch and recently have been building up the courage to paint more) and one of my inspirations is meltow. i think if you go over and check out their art youll definitely see it lol. but also i love the clean look some comics have and my friends tell me my art looks like it belongs in a comic which, i guess yeah :) when it comes to colors and composition i LOVE this artists works. i still have a lot to learn and just looking at their works inspires me so much!!!

i will say i have ALWAYS struggled with lineart. its probably the worst thing in the world to me because it never feels right!!! i like lining on paper with harsh inks and stiff ink nibs that allow for like. very little variety in line weight, but i havent done that in over 3 years (i hope i can get back to that). but yes, something about lineart makes me feel so icky when i use any brush that reacts to the pressure you put on your tablet LOL i just hate it. ugh. i havent been able to work it out.

it was only in 2020 i think that i decided to try it out with a thick brush with some texture and no pen pressure. that probably was the first time i got actual lineart that (at the time) i liked done. and then later on, discovering that other artists are able to achieve beautiful drawings with similar brushes AND that lining with a very simple brush can feel so satisfying helped me evolve a lot! until 2022, i actually wasnt able to give my art the kind of finished look that i wanted. so what people consider my style is really just born out of my limits and working with them. that obviously doesnt mean that i dont try to challenge myself as much as i can. i do and i think everyone should! thats what makes art so fun

if theres any good advice i can give to a beginner itd probaaaaably be. okay this is difficult and i feel like im not really qualified for this. as a hobbyist much less so because a lot of the knowledge and skills i acquired was through an intuitive process (i could never stick with habits such as regular studies or warmups or whatever is meant to be good for you) which definitely isnt the most “productive” way but i mean it doesnt have to be. its just a hobby! you dont have to perfect art. but yes, i would definitely say dont stop drawing. youll always be your harshest critic and at the beginning, and especially if you begin at an older age because youve been training your eye your whole life but your drawing skills for only a relatively short time you will notice a lot of mistakes. and youll think you wont achieve the image you have in your head. and maybe you wont (because youll always strive for more and youll never really be satisfied as an artist bla bla) for a while. but you have to keep drawing! try out different strategies, find out how other artists draw, watch speedpaints, try out different papers and pencils, try everything that makes it more fun and keep going! it will all pay off!! 

in my eyes theres also no point in saying “i should wait till im better to draw this idea i have” because if inspiration strikes you you should use that. even though i still sometimes catch myself thinking like that. you can always redraw things later on!! if theres anything that will keep you drawing you should use that! like getting into shows and games that make me want to draw helps a ton LOL people are not joking when they say getting obsessed with one character is the quickest way to improve. i 100% agree!!! if you saw my first nachos you wouldnt even recognize him. not kidding wow this got long. thank you for the questions though!! i hope some of my rambling can help you. feel free to talk to me whenever!

[scrmngtts]

im gonna send this to him soon...

i dont wanna be with someone who thinks thats its unfair being with me. whats funny is i feel like its unfair for you to ask me all this things when you havent even ask me to be your girlfriend.

you always say "my girl" but you dont even have the courage to own up to it. but now im realizing that maybe youre just telling me that to keep me around. whats stopping you to ask me to be official? is label so important to me? yes it is. i told you before i dont feel certain with you. youre full of uncertainty and i dont like when i dont know whats gonna happen.

you wanna talk about fairness? lets talk about fairness then.

January - you told me its a busy month for you, its an expensive month. blah blah. okay fine! whatever. did you hear stuff from me? no. i accepted that. i didnt say anything cuz i didnt think it was unfair. did i get what i want?? no. our montreal trip. you said youre gonna pay me. wheres the man of his words? i dont think you have the right to tell me ure a man of ur words. atleast i pay you when i say im gonna pay you. anyway doesnt matter now bc i enjoyed that trip with you. i get to spend time with you. did i think it was unfair that i paid for the whole trip? no. bc it was for your bday and as long as we had a fun time thats all that matters. i never once thought it was unfair for me.

February - you told me, "just let me go on my trip. after i come back." you implied youre gonna ask me when you come back. talk about bringing someone up then letting them down real quick. then you come back and thats the first thing on your to do list. suddenly, "youre not ready" suddenly, you need time to learn to be alone. that wasnt fine with me, i told you that. i told you im just gonna move on. you ask for time, you said you werent ready. did i tell you "you werent gonna be ready?" no. i gave you time. i respected your decision. did i think that was unfair for me? yes. but i tried to understand where youre coming from. did i get what i want? no.

also i think if you really like or l someone you wouldnt think of "fairness" that just told me a lot of things on how you see me or how you value this - whatever we have.

remember why im so nervous last saturday when you made plans for us? cuz part of me hoped that youll finally gonna ask me but part of me doesnt wanna be disappointed. guess what happened? news flash! another disappointment. but surprisingly this one didnt bother me that much compared to the other times so i guess im doing great on that department.

i dont go out partying with you, suddenly i get all what i want. also you gave me a short notice, how can i prepare myself for that. i dont like spontaneous plans. if you cudve just given me a weeks notice then i wud say yes.

i dont wanna sleepover, suddenly im the bad person. i dont wanna go home late, suddenly you see it as i dont wanna spend time with you. you always just walk me to the door, you rarely walk me to the subway, and it only happens when were already out or when you have somewhere to go after. do i think that was unfair? do i consider that as you dont wanna spend time with me? no i didnt.

i cant drink that much, suddenly it bothers you. i dont like drinking but i try it for you. every drink is hard for me but i still try but suddenly you see it as i dont try enough that i dont practice.

i was late a couple of times, i didnt know it was such a big deal that youll bring it up until now. you were late sometimes too but its okay for me, as long as you show up. did i think it was unfair? no.

you say i always win, wheres the winning? why dont i feel like im winning.

[kendrixtermina]

excellent writeup, kind of a good example of how with 3w4 theres that little withdrawn component mixed in of if you cant win then youll quit. 

we had this conversation on reddit recently on how the wing combos have those very particular mixed flavors to them. 

its a bit shocking that you were that badly hit by one comment that wasnt even intended in a mean way & you normally seem like someone who knows what they’re doing, not an obvious super timid person. - Which isn’t meant as a personal diss of you at all, its just an example of how humans are & what it is to exist like this. but it makes everything precarious when you have to consider that one wrong move could have such an effect. i do not want that responsibility lol. 

i dont go out of my way to be a jerk or anything, but im not sure i could function if i always had this present because, you also need to say the truth, or something.  

when it comes to my works & what ticks me up with regards to them, or has historically done so i guess one thing that has come up multiple times is ppl trying to insert some sociocultural meaning into it like “is the protagonist supposed to have X disorder” - no. not everyone is like you. i told you exactly in the text why the protagonist is how she is did i stutter? id rather they tell me it sucks than presume to tell me what my thingy is about. though, i realize that was probably not their actual intention. 

Still, this is one of the reasons why I’m always using a pseudonym cause I don’t want ppl to see it as a [demographic box] story. Don’t get me wrong, those are valid & important and all that, but everything’s a demographic box story these days maybe I want to do something else. like they would make it a “woman story” or “child of immigrants” story never mind that i dont really identify with any of that, and then it doesnt matter what i say cause everything will be twisted with regards to the box - i guess the underlying feeling would be ‘Im talking and youre not listening, yout twisting my words round in my mouth as if i wasnt here at all’ 

although i realize that, in the end, i have zero control what anyone thinks. if one in a while someone gets it thats nice but i cant expect it. thats kind of the point at which one has to disengage. 

humans are kind of absurd little things - what more can really be said?

My 3 fix: digging into the heart center

For the last few weeks, I’ve been digging into my heart center, which has not been fun. The heart center, also known as the ‘shame’ center, deals with our tender emotions, our sense of self, what we want others to see when they look at us, and our sense of ‘identity.’ Because my heart center is not dominant, this is less of an area of sensitivity than it would be for a core image center, but I…

[thepastramicheesemonster]

no, but actually fuck you.