#and you try so hard to forget the corruption you were made to take into your body and the duty it brings

[msommers]

brain too scrambled to properly work it out but there's smth to the thought of meredith's feathers getting ruffled by the fact that the first warden can summon her and she has to answer to it

[kirbmey]

　 ྀི︶˚̣̣̣⠀⠀⠀vacations w bigbrother!caleb⠀⠀⠀˚̣̣̣︶ ྀི

synopsis: you’re having a summer dinner with your family and friends, but caleb gets angry at an old gossipy lady ( ｡ •` ⤙´• ｡)

tw: reader is implied to be smaller than caleb, reader is very feminine, dumbification, slurs like ‘whore’, possessive!caleb, stepcest, manipulation, dark romance, usage of ‘gege’ and ‘big brother’, slightly inspired by the movie ‘call me by your name’, caleb is kinda aggressive not towards reader tho, etc.

there was this tradition running in your family where you would move to your summer villa for the whole summer season, inviting some of your parents' friends over as well; needless to say, your step brother was also included in the plan.

you were always excited about these, being able to wear your a little too short summer dresses in front of your big brother without question to every dinner, adoring giving yourself a cute look for caleb to see, only wanting to be pretty for your big brother ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა

this night was nothing different, you wore this pale pink sundress that left little to the imagination along with some other pink accessories, wearing the necklace he gifted you; you never took it off.

every night your housemaid would set up the long and old wooden table in the patio with refreshing food, all the people in the villa gathering to spend time together after their tiring activities in the beach. you sat in front of caleb as usual, feeling his warm palm rest in the fat of your thigh and caressing it with his thumb in circular motions.

he loved to stare at your angelic-like features while talking about whatever thing you were talking about with your aunt, sometimes forgetting that the rest of your family was there and that he had to keep appearances to any curious eyes.

⠀⠀　　“so, caleb?” he turns his head way too fast at his name being called, getting out of the trance he got caught on by staring at your red plump lips. “how are you doing with your studies?” a friend from your parents asks, he didn’t even know her name.

⠀⠀　　“mmh, well, all good. gotta study more than expected but she helps me with that, I have a hard time focusing, you know…” he answers with a boyish smile and tender voice, pinching your skin when pronouncing your name.

⠀⠀　　“yeah! gege is working really hard for this career, and i try to help him as much as i can” you voice an answer in a sweet tone, him knowing the reality of this said help.

⠀⠀　　“i see, you two seem really close, if i didn’t know you i’d think you ar—”, “well, that cuts it for tonight i’m afraid” your mother intervenes, knowing how annoying her friend gets regarding this topic. they even argued several times about how your relationship should be checked on since it looked very inappropriate from the outside, but she refused to listen, being a blind believer on your innocent sister-brother interactions, thinking caleb it’s just very clingy and protective about you.

a fierce blush creeps onto your cherub cheeks, feeling embarrassed at anyone questioning your relationship with your gege.

wasn’t it normal, having your big brother hold you for way too long, getting kissed on the lips before going to sleep or even helping you with the strange ache between your thighs when he rubbed himself against you to keep you warm at night?

he made sure to keep you away from anything or anyone vulgar, wanting to cherish your pure mind and thoughts for himself to slowly corrupt, carefully making you believe that good girls don’t go out with boys, don’t kiss anyone but their big brothers and reaching him to ask for help regarding any small issue a normal person could take care of themselves, but not you. you were too stupid ૮꒰◞ ˕ ◟ ྀི꒱ა

and just like that, he made you his little doll for him and him alone, emptying your silly head from anyone but him. you depended on him for anything.

your nipples got hard in the winter? don’t worry, he will slowly rub them while you sat on his lap with his cock buried deep inside you, just to keep you warm. whispering sweet nothings to you while leaving wet kisses along your neck, smiling to himself when listening to your adorable whimpers. he had to use every single trace of self control to not break your puffy pussy in two right there.

he actually never properly fucked you, just played with you like adults do (..◜ᴗ◝..) nothing wrong with that, right?

you wanted to help him focus on his homework? you knew how easily distracted your gege could get and you just wanted to help! (•ᴖ•｡) so he told you to get on your knees, making sure it was on top of some soft cushion, and commanded you to start pampering small kisses on his bulge. just like the ones you gave him all over the face when you were happy to see him ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

so you kept your hands on your lap like the good girl you were to approach his big bulge hiding under his grey sweatpants, leaving sweet little smoochies all over his prince's parts (as he called yours your princess’s parts), and leaving light traces of saliva on the way.

just a few minutes like that, completely focused on the task your gege gave you to please him as you always wanted, and he came undone fully clothed. you looked up at him trough your long lashes, surprised to see that creamy liquid stain his pants, the same one he made you lick from his fingers sometimes before (⁠ᗒ⩊ᗕ ྀི)

he can’t help but laugh fondly at your expression, caressing your cheek before slipping his thumb into your mouth, feeling how you wrapped your warm tongue against the pad of his finger.

now you were both heading to your shared bedroom, the inside of the villa specially silent since everybody else stayed outside, smoking and updating on the latest gossips while drinking the leftover wine.

caleb was mad, how dare that bitch even think about questioning you two? he knew what was best for you, he was your shiny armor knight, your big brother who would always protect you. what was wrong with that?

your tiny heels clicked trough the long and empty halls, chasing after caleb as your short legs could; he was stomping, and he was truly angry.

you never saw him so mad ever since he caught you watching some filthy porn a friend of yours sent you when you told her that you didn’t do that kind of thing since your brother told you to not to. needless to say, he made sure to beat her up real good so she wouldn’t get any close to you, ever. but you didn’t need to know what he did, he’s just protecting you! (づ_ど)

once you catch up with him inside said bedroom you pout, playing with the lacy hem of your dress as you close the door behind you. he sits down on the edge of the bed, holding his head between his hands as he takes deep breaths. he had to take care of that whore later, noted.

⠀⠀　　“gege? what’s wrong? did i do something bad?” you inquisitively ask, taking careful steps to stand before him, still playing around with your clothes in a nervous manner.

no answer from him, just a deep breath and a big pair of hands holding the back of your thighs to bring you closer, burying his face in the plush of your belly while featherly kissing it.

⠀⠀　　“no, doll, you did nothing wrong.” he blurs out against the soft fabric of your dress. “it’s just mom’s friend, she made me angry.” you feel his hands creep closer to your ass, holding yourself onto his broad shoulders.

you knew caleb didn’t like the questioning of your relationship, he liked to keep things private, a secret only for you two. your silly head couldn’t find an answer, what were you supposed to say when his skilled fingers removed your cottony panties down and he kept his pinkish gaze on you like that?

⠀⠀　　“you’re mine, pips, you know everything i do is for your own good.” you knew it, that old lady’s words meant nothing to you. “what would you do without me, hmm?”

you heard the side zipper of the dress and before you know it, you’re fully naked in front of him. it’s not the first time, but you can’t help feeling a little ashamed. he’s so perfect, tall and fit, and you don’t match his toned body.

you cross your arms in front of your breasts, hiding your blushing face underneath your hair, feeling his hand once again come up to your chin to lift it up while the other one holds your wrists a little bit too hard.

⠀⠀　　“don’t dare hiding from me, princess, you know i love the sight.” he confesses in a breath, restarting the trail of kisses from your soft belly down to your pubes, rubbing the tip of his nose against the little hairs.

you can’t help but whine, readjusting your hands on top of his head, caressing his soft dark locks trough your slim fingers. “gege, don’t do that, you know it feels achy.” you complain in a peachy voice.

he falls on blind ears, paying all of his attention to your princess’s parts, making you separate your legs by holding your inner thighs before lowering his head to clit level, smothering the growing bud with open-mouthed kisses.

he slowly toyed with your dripping entrance, circling the ring muscle with his index finger while paying attention to your pearl, lost in the sweet and sour flavor of yours. “fuck, doll, what do i have to do to make everyone understand that you’re my good girl, hmm?”

you don’t even listen to him, too caught up in the sensation of said finger caressing your velvety walls, throwing your head back while you pushed your hips closer to his face, letting out an adorable moan when feeling a second one peeking in.

⠀⠀　　“i see, you’re too stupid to answer that.” he said in a condescending way, fucking you with his long fingers slow but deep, even biting your clit at times. “don’t you see you need me to do everything for you?” one harsh thrust, reaching that gummy spot. “to tie your shoes, to wash your hair, even to dress you up in the morning?”

you were a moaning mess, your hair falling like a cascade at your back and sticking to your sweaty forehead, your toes curling at the way his skilled fingers toyed with your weak spot, feeling how he curved them inside you, that strange sensation knotting in your belly. “gege, i feel weird again, stop, stop” the tears in the corner of your eyes fall away to your neck.

⠀⠀　　“let go f’me, angel, you know your big brother likes it.” and he loved it, the taste of your juices, sweet enough to be addictive. before you realize you were creaming his fingers, feeling a strong arm wrap around your waist to keep you from falling. “good girl, you did so good for me”.

his murmurs fall quiet when he laps at your pussy to take every single drop of you in his mouth, moaning at the taste. your head falls on top of his, trying to catch your breath while he wraps you with both arms and lifts you up, heading to the bathroom to clean you up.

he first washed your sweaty body and clothed you with one of his huge t shirts, you falling asleep mid-bath and him taking you to bed carefully, making sure you were comfortable before taking care of his hard dick and rubbing himself against your discarded panties, staining them with cum not many minutes later (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)

he threw them inside one of his designated drawers and hugged your smaller frame into his naked chest, drifting to sleep.

your big brother loved you so so much!

a/n: let me know if you liked it, i want feedback! also, idk if this was too long, i got carried away hehe (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

— masterlist.

[takes1]

p.3 touchy!bokuto flirting with inexperienced!reader

feeling good about this. might have to change the title soon cuz it damn sure won't just be flirting in the next part

warnings. nsfw themes, recreational use of alcohol, minors DNI

details. fem!reader / brother's best friend trope / kuroo's little sister!reader / touchy!bokuto / flirty!bokuto / corruption kink!bokuto / virgin!reader / bokuto-reader-lev sandwich / heavy petting / cuddling / bokuto being and staying hard / jealous!bokuto / hand thirst / drinking / house party / praise kink!bokuto / 2.5k words nsfw + future parts to follow, reply to be added to taglist

links. my masterlist. my ao3. more haikyuu. my request box. part one here. part two here.

"Oh!" Lev hung over the back of the sofa, biting his lip as he watched you walk away for another drink.

He was already messy-drunk at 10 p.m, "Could you grab two more of those? Pleasepleaseplease?"

You hummed, placid with your own small buzz, and slipped out of Bokuto's needy, heavy-handed grip. A busy murmur fell over the sectional just as you got to the kitchen.

"Sorryyy, make that four!"

You weren't sure why he got an invite, but he -like many of the other team members- was much kinder to you than you expected him to be, so it wasn't a problem. Five ciders, all bullshit flavors because Tetsurou couldn't even pretend to have class, were clutched tight to your chest.

He was still hanging there, only alert when he saw your slippers on the floor in front of him.

A big, wide grin brightened up his face, "Thank youu!"

While he carefully chose four, you noticed how easily he could finger each bottleneck with such long digits. You stared at them, a little heat dusting your cheeks. Something about big hands was doing it for you recently.

Lev was halfway focused on trying to pass back two bottles, halfway gawking at your wet, see-through shirt and your pebbled nipples from the cold condensation of the drinks.

His dirty mind could've been just as see-through, how noticeable all the color was across his face, how he was just short of drooling, slouched to get a better look.

Distracted, you picked up one of his hands, "How tall are you, Lev?"

Bokuto finally stirred next to him, tuned only to the sound of your voice. He missed the question but was deeply suspicious of that big, clumsy idiot so close to you.

"194.3 cm," Lev answered you with pride.

Head craned to get a look at this conversation, he found you playing with Lev's fingers, your pretty pornstar tits, and what was just shy of the freshman heavy-breathing down your shirt. Sure, that giant bastard was more age appropriate, but he'd be damned before he let him steal your favor.

You were just getting to rub his knuckles, close to the webs of his fingers, when Bokuto let out a big, exaggerated yawn and stretched over the back of the couch.

"Ohh! Heyyy Pretty," He bit his lip at you, and spared subtle, but mean glance to Lev.

Bokuto somehow grew funnier, cuter, after sharing a couple of drinks. The little peck from earlier created a sense of fun familiarity between you.

You giggled, still not letting Lev go because you weren't thinking about it very hard, "Hii."

The sight made him feel as though his heart was getting bitten a trillion times- like a bunch of ferocious ants all piled up on a honeybun. His hand shot out to grab yours with an intensity that his smile didn't share.

"Come sit next to me!" He rubbed the top of your knuckles, confident, and filling you with a continental migration of butterflies.

You were floating around to take the seat right of him, forgetting completely about Lev, under a little spell. Lev slumped down, pissed, but recovered as quick as it took him to realize you would be sitting next to him, too. He moved his leg so you'd have less room.

You rubbed your arm, looking towards the door, "Well..."

"Tetsu' will need somewhere to sit when he comes back--,"

He sat up and you were soon cut off by a pair of hands pulling you by the wrists, closer to the couch- he used an effective method of gripping your lower thigh, making your knees weak, so you felt like you had to sit down on the edge of the cushion.

"Kuroo can sit on the armrest! No biggie!" Bokuto brushed the tip of your nose with his finger, stirring a very successful smile.

Lev put an arm around the back of the couch, above your head. It was warmer, and he smelled good.

"Yeahyeah, screw'm, he's'not ev'n here."

Bokuto pulled you in with a face to Lev, an arm wrapping around you and settling, steady, firm on your opposite hip. His thumb was jammed into the crease of your thigh- a possessive act, and a tingly feeling that spread across your tummy and between your legs.

You vaguely knew better than to entertain this, but it was so comfortable. You were satisfied, sipping on your cider, sometimes watching the game -sometimes Bokuto-, swimming in attention.

It became evident in the way that Lev wouldn't stop leaning down to talk to you, find something in common that didn't exist, rubbing his leg against your thigh, that he was suddenly interested. Once you understood what was happening, it was fun watching Bokuto pick on him.

"Mayybe you shu'd tryout for the girls' team!" He landed on the only possibility he'd get to see you more often than he already did, considering you were in the same class together.

"Oh," You shied away from his gaze, closer to Bokuto's chest, "I'm not very sporty."

Bokuto huffed, nose scrunched at the underclassman as he pulled you close.

"Yaku-!" He shouted, craning to get a view of the group sitting at the table in a heated game of chess, "Who's letting Lev drink?!"

The loud-mouth's reputation, his skill now spoken for at the practice game, and the fact that he wasn't on the same team, was intimidating already. The way he so cruelly added his seniority into the mix was enough to make Lev much smaller, and stop trying as hard to flirt with you.

Yaku finished his move.

"Lev!" He called from the table.

He flinched. Yaku often sounded like his older sister when he got mad.

"...Yes?"

"How much have you had?"

"Uhh,"

You glanced down, leaning a bit forward to see the preposterous amount of empty bottles on the coffee table and the floor underneath it. No wonder Tetsurou had to go out to grab more. Bokuto pulled you back onto his comfortable chest, eating up that wide-eyed, mousey look he caught.

It was clear that nobody had been monitoring Lev, based on the reactions that slowly began to take throughout the first floor. But it was also just as true that their youngest member was deeply cared about, because they quickly cut him off.

There was still a scattered, loud, shared conversation around that drowned out the sound of the front door opening and closing.

Bokuto tilted his head down at you. You gathered the courage to meet him, but struggled to maintain it. He showed off how quiet he could be.

"I'm still your favorite, right?"

"Yeah!" You whispered, so sincere and so quick that it spurred his hand to twitch.

A heavy, satisfied sigh, his hand was squeezing hard around the widest part of your thigh, and you were sitting straighter despite his strong pull.

It quickly taught you that 1) showing proof that you liked him got you rewards and 2) his attraction was more deep-seated than you thought. You pondered what he want from you, and if you wanted to find out.

Thoughtful, you picked up his left arm, gentle and slow. You could feel him bracing through a shiver.

Something you always enjoyed was when your friends drew on you, or traced on your skin. It was a safe way for you to express yourself- that you were receptive, to whatever he was trying to bring out of you by being so touchy. You liked him so much more than you thought you did at the pick-up game. More than when he first caught your attention, or when you captured his.

So you traced your fingers along his raised, veiny forearm. Down to his wrist, a soft nudge to flip his palm face-up so you could take your time outlining the lines in his rough palm, through to the tips of his long fingers.

You took in his stalled breath. The hair on the back of his neck stood straight. You could hear his heartbeat quicken with your head pressed against his chest.

He had been so sure he could teach you everything. It hadn't occurred to him that he could learn a thing or two from you. It felt good, but in a different way. No girl had ever touched him like this, before.

The noise was a reassuring, monotonous backdrop. Everybody was preoccupied, you had a buzz going, and despite the chaos, it all still felt so intimate.

He muttered to you, lips brushed against your scalp, "You're torturin' me, y'know that?"

The insinuation made you freeze.

"Nono, keep going-," He huffed, voice sickly sweet. The slight panic in his request was lost on you.

Though hesitant, you kept running your light lines down from the thickest part of his arm to his slightly shaky hand.

"How so?" You asked him, morbidly curious, despite all the red flags going off in your head to not encourage his dirty admission.

Bokuto huffed out a tired chuckle- the pain in his lap hadn't subsided since before you sat down. It only worsened at every opportunity you gave him to touch you.

He was in the process of moving his arm away, so you could see the obnoxious print in his shorts, maybe tell him what you thought.

"You're dead."

You both turned, all the warmth drained out of you at once, at Tetsurou's voice behind you. He stood with his arms crossed, keys still in hand. Neither of you were sure whom he was referring to, since it applied both ways.

"Kuroo! Buddy!" Bokuto tried, but it didn't make him budge the way it normally did. There was no fondness left.

He lunged forward, hinged over the back of the sofa between you. There was only so much room to separate, because Lev stood in as a great brick wall.

Thankfully, his attention was not on the heavy petting- he swiped the drink from your hands.

"Hey-!" You began to retort.

"Shut up!" He snapped, "How many have you had?"

You crossed your arms, embarrassed now that you were getting the same treatment as Lev. Somehow, Bokuto's attention made you feel older, more responsible, than you actually were. You chose silence.

In your choice not to dignify him with a response, he looked fiercely to Bokuto.

"How much did she have?"

"I dunno!" He shrugged.

It was true, he didn't know, but he really didn't like the sudden responsibility being placed on his shoulders- and wouldn't have told him, if he did.

Akaashi, sitting on the other side of Lev, piped up before Bokuto could degrade their trust any more. He didn't look away from the screen.

"She only had two, Kuroo."

"Finally!" He pointed at Akaashi, "Thank you," Then he pointed to you, taking the last swig of your drink, "You're done."

It was too much. He ruined everything. He was mean, and bossy, and angry about the dumbest things.

You struggled to stand, a little difficult and awkward because the two heavy guys on either side of you were weighing the cushions down.

"You're the worst!"

You made an ugly face at him, now craving the quiet sanctuary of your bedroom, where he couldn't mess anything up. You made sure to kick an empty bottle out of your way. It didn't break, but it pissed him off, so it was worth it.

Bokuto sat in silent shock, in disbelief that he got away from that whole interaction unscathed by either of you. And that he was still hard.

It was all so frustrating that once you were in your room, it nearly brought you to tears. You fell onto your bed, lying on your stomach, biting your pillow.

You were so close. To what? You didn't exactly know, but you desperately wanted to find out.

It was getting late, and you had to eventually let go of the fantasy that Bokuto would betray his friend and come up here to keep you company. So you decided to take a sobering shower and get ready for bed.

The act gave you time to think. Specifically about those big, bulky arms under your touch, how safe but nervous you felt snuggled up to his side, how every word he uttered was dripping with vulgarity, regardless of how sweet he whispered it.

You let the bathroom door open to vent the steam, and in slipped your brother's calico. She was a big fan of the shower, and the act of her pawing, meowing at the glass made you giggle. You tightened your towel so you could pick her up.

"How'd you get in here, baby?" You cooed, kissing the top of her head.

A thoughtful hum inspired a loud, high gasp--

"Well, the door wasn't locked, so," Bokuto, sat cross-legged on your mattress, grinned at your stunned drop of the cat and the near-nudity he found you in, "-It was pretty easy."

He looked far too big to exist in here. He made your twin bed look like a shoebox.

You put a hand on the wall to keep yourself standing, trying to swallow your heart back down into your chest, where it belonged.

The bed groaned under his weight as he stood up, coming towards you.

"Aww," Was an enamored chuckle at your oh-so-cute reaction.

It was so hard to catch your breath, you couldn't speak to tell him to keep his distance, to remind him that you were undressed- you pressed your back to the wall, gasping at his proximity that he clearly didn't think twice about.

His hands jutted out to grab your waist, rough at first but then softer, a grin fading as he glanced around your big, worried features.

"Heyy," He frowned.

"Don't treat me like a stranger, now."

You didn't want him to go, but you couldn't calm down. You gasped again, trying your hardest to speak this time, grateful he was letting you go, but guilty about the sadness taking over his face.

"Please-," You couldn't look him in the eye, "Please let me get dressed."

Bokuto blinked, surprised, but soon gave an obedient nod. He backed up.

"Yeah! Yeah, uh, of course..."

Maybe virgins weren't as fun as he thought. You were this nervous in a towel?

His attempt to lighten you up by pulling his shirt off and offering it to you only made you stiffen, as if he was handing you a bomb.

So he explained carefully, "How 'bout you put this on? It'd be real cute!"

His finger brushed your nose like earlier. It got a tiny smile out of you.

Bokuto was more tentative to let you grab more clothes, but he didn't voice his concerns. He sat, impatient, as you changed in the bathroom, nursing his aching cock through his clothes.

It helped quell the pain only a bit, while radicalizing his agenda to get between your legs tonight.

♕VIP♕

@integers @yuchacco

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[0luv9]

forlorn || mattheo riddle

Summary: based on this request.

Beware: angst, fluff, slightly aged-up characters, Hufflepuff reader, sweet reader, she/her pronouns used, mostly in second person, jealousy, mistreatment, a little bit of blood, slightly commanding(?) and intimidating Mattheo.

Words: 7.8k (not beta read)

Note: I am sorry luv, I don't think I did justice to the request. I also apologize for taking so long. I still hope you like it, even if it's just a bit. @cat-loves-music

Mattheo Riddle, son of Voldemort, or Tom Riddle if you will—for a more humane approach. But then, there's no humanity in the way he's treated. Always an outsider, always a monster.

There is wealth to his name; after all, he is the only living heir of Salazar Slytherin. However, his blood is corrupt, shunned by the very people who kissed the steps his baby feet took. Looked down on by the blood supremacists and not accepted by the other side, the "good side."

Even he was tired of the same sob story. He doesn't even need to introduce himself; they already have a preconceived image of him in their minds. He could try to fix his image in an ideal world, but even then, what would he say?

'Hello, everyone, I'm Mattheo Riddle, son of the man who once threatened your lives. Please welcome me with warm hands.'

Too cliché? Yes, but it's true and the only truth he knew.

Riddle didn't even know why the name Riddle was cursed and didn't know what his father did that made everyone's hate transcend generations. What made their hatred justified and his hate a crime? He didn't know until it was too late.

Mattheo was raised by the only living relative of his, his mother's aunt—the one who died recently. The one who kept all this hidden away from him hid all the Hogwarts' letters, raised him like her own, and protected him until her last breath. She loved him but all within the vicinity of the manor. He didn't know the world that existed beyond those walls.

He knew about the world outside only through the books she'd let him read. He thought it would feel liberating to step off the lavish floors onto the rich earth. It was everything but that.

"But Nona, why can't I go outside?" he remembers asking that silly question when he was about nine. What he wouldn't do to get that naivety back.

"Because, my dear, there are people out there who wouldn't like you. There are bad people outside ready to punish you," he also remembers crying when she told him that. He didn't understand why people would hate him. He just wanted to try the chocolate frogs he read about.

He just wanted to talk to all the different animals out there, the same way he could talk to the garden snakes.

"But I didn't do anything wrong, Nona. Tell them that I'm a good boy. I can even give them some of my toys. Will they like me then?" If only it were that easy. His Nona cried for the first time in front of him then, looking at all the toys he had set onto her lap, looking at her with teary eyes, pleading, "I didn't do anything wrong, Nona, I promise."

Mattheo didn't understand her tears back then, but now as he stands all alone, those same tears fall out his eyes. It's useless. "They'll know that someday, moon pie. You aren't wrong. They'll know." They'll know? What a fucking joke.

Mattheo tries to enjoy the view in front of him, you know. But how can he? When his batchmates are out there partying and enjoying life, he's been a lone wolf all his life. Yet in moments like this, he seems to forget his old ways of existing.

There's not much he can do anyway; he's not needed anywhere. In fact, they all want him gone. Finding beauty in small things is hard when misery clings to him. There's self-loathing in the way he thinks about the night and himself. There's nothing positive he can say.

You'd think that he must've gotten used to it all by now. No, he hasn't; it only got worse. At least little Mattheo held hope that people would understand someday or the other. Every bit of hope was destroyed by the very people who would've feared him had his father been alive. In moments like this, he wished he could see the man, live as the son they paint him as.

He'd have someone to lean onto then, someone to call his own. At least his father would've loved him. But this last bit of consolidation too was stolen away from him when he got to know that he was a backup plan for his father. Mattheo Riddle was not supposed to exist. His father wanted to live on forever; he was the last option the so-called Dark Lord had, to produce an heir and have them further his cause, and control his life as Tom lived on his last lifeline.

But all of it died with him. Mattheo promised himself that he would never be the man they all expected him to be, the man they wanted to point fingers at. So, he stayed in line. But then he thinks, sometimes, maybe, what if—you know?

He simply stares up at the brightly lit sky, it's a shame that he's the only one out there to appreciate the scenic beauty because he's physically and mentally incapable of appreciating anything, you can't blame him now, can you?

Cold breeze in mid-August, how fucking ridiculous just like this life of his, so unlike his peers, who were out there partying and having the time of their lives, the music vibrating through the walls was like salt on wounds. He'd like to drink a few and chat with his friends but then again, he hasn't got any. And it's the bitter truth that he's not welcome there, he'd be greeted with nasty looks if he tried to enter any such party, they'd all glance his way like the ominous thing he is. It's times like this when he really contemplates it.

Mattheo looks down from the height he's on, no one would care anyway, the fall will kill him, might just give it an actual try unlike those previous attempts- he's been a coward all his life, never ready to face the extremes of life but he has nothing to protect at the moment, he's come far too long, life was never going to be worth it.

He climbs over the railing onto the brick ledge, sitting down for a moment, to take it all in for the last time ever. Mattheo remembers all the whispers that followed him, the suspicious looks passed along the way, those words of disdain- at the same time the thoughts of a happy life enter his mind, it all feels unattainable, in fact, he's so far gone he can't even picture joy, all he sees is bright colours when he thinks of a happy life.

Mattheo had desperately sought relief all his life, but the pain only worsened with time, it's only reasonable to want to end this feeling of hopelessness. The weight of his family's legacy feels heavy on his shoulders. He slouches over and looks down once again, sighing as his eyes shift to the ring on his finger, the other Gaunt ring, he slowly removes it- a pathetic heir he is, he doesn't deserve it, couldn't live up to the name, disappointing both sides of the world.

Maybe they should have destroyed this along with his father's ring but apparently, his dear sweet Nona thought he could change their fate, change the course of history, change the Gaunt legacy for the better, fuck- he couldn't even try and change people's perception about him. Even in this sense, he's nothing like his predecessors, incapable of leaving a mark, of changing the world, be it for the better or the worse. He's just fucking worthless- he fiddles with the ring as he shifts a bit closer to the edge, ready to let go of it.

"Nice ring," he turns around startled, "Mattheo, isn't it?" not Riddle? He hadn't heard his own name in a long time, no one had directly addressed him in years let alone called him by his first name. It all feels foreign, he simply nods not knowing what to say. "Do you mind if I join you?" you don't wait for a response though and carefully bend and climb through the gaps between the two rails, settling down beside him. "Hi, I'm-" he doesn't hear it, he's too focused on your face, you were dolled up, for the party he thinks, but then why are you here of all places? Was this some kind of prank? He steals a glance back at the entrance and the seemingly empty hallway, to see if anyone is waiting for a reaction.

"You know you shouldn't sit so close to the edge, you might fall down," you grab his forearm urging him to move back, your hand feels warm on his skin, it feels unnatural, his hands are always cold. Even though it's on him for a couple of seconds he can't help the multiple emotions going on about in his mind and before he can sort them out, his mouth decides to act on its own, "Why aren't you at the party?" "Oh-" you look disappointed, and he apologises right away, not wanting to upset the only person who had the decency to talk to him, "Sorry, I shouldn't have asked," he's quick to defend himself, it's a natural response after all but you only seemed amused, "No, it quite alright, I was just surprised by your voice-" "Is it that bad?" "Gosh no! It's just not what I expected, quite rough, it's nice," you are quick to shut him up, "And about your question, I am annoyed at my friends forcing me to try more drinks and all, I just came up here to relax."

"I can leave if you'd like," you add on as an afterthought, but you really didn't want to go, it was the only place with some peace, unlike the loud corridors and dorms, where you were mad at your friends and were in no mood for a party. "No, it's quite alright, I was just surprised," he tries to lighten the mood, repeating your words jokingly, it works, you laugh and properly look at him instead of the waters ahead.

"Haha so funny," you say in a monotonous voice, trying to act like you didn't just laugh but you can't contain your smile, and he finds it quite beautiful. You look down at the ring between the two of you, "it's a beautiful ring I must say," You compliment it again since he hadn't acknowledged it before. Mattheo thanked you quietly trying to think of a response that might not make you run away from him.

It's been only a few minutes and you've said more nice things to him than he has ever heard in his whole life, it's quite ridiculous when he thinks about it, seemingly you find it quite easy to compliment him. He stays quiet not knowing how to take a compliment, but you don't let the silence continue, you look around trying to find something to talk about and soon enough you start talking and he's glad, "You know about those plants right there?" you point to the shrubs at some distance from the castle walls. Mattheo shakes his head unable to recall if he had seen them before. "It's alright but now that you know, you have something to look forward to this upcoming month!" you smile yet again, cheerful that you have something to share.

"What's special about them?" "It's not the plant itself but the fireflies that live there!" Mattheo tries hard to keep up with your energy and pace, "Why aren't they out now? They aren't migratory, are they?" "That's what makes it special unlike fireflies that are present throughout the summer, these ones light up only for the last week of August," "I'll look forward to it," "You should! I missed it last year and then everyone thought I was lying when I mentioned it." Mattheo frowns, "No one knows about them? Not even the professors?" "The professors would know but it wasn't that serious that I'd take it up to them," Mattheo finds it difficult to relate, he always would let everyone know that he was in the right if the facts favour him because no way in hell would he let anyone see him in the wrong light, he couldn't bear to be in the wrong.

And it slips out his mouth, "I would've argued till they knew I was right," "I don't like arguing though, reminds me of my parents, they parted ways because they argued a lot, so I try to avoid it myself," his lips purse trying to think of an appropriate response, "Anyway, you are in Slytherin right?" it wasn't a question, you just knew, "I'm in Hufflepuff, nice to meet you!" you turn towards him and extend your hand with a smile, he can't help but mirror your smile, "Nice to meet you indeed." Your hand feels soft in his, he was finding it hard to let go but you pull your hand back almost instantly- remembering something, "OH right I forgot, do you like chocolates?" Mattheo was quite taken aback by your energetic self, it was infectious, "Of course you do, it's a silly question, I mean who doesn't like chocolate-" you stop midway and fix him with a scrutinising look, "Unless you are some heartless monster-" "Nah I like chocolate alright," "Good good."

You fish through your jacket's pocket and pull out two chocolate bars, "It's muggle chocolate," you place one in his hand, "Muggle? I've never had muggle candy," Mattheo inspects the small sweet in his hand, "You are missing out then!" you chuckle as you take the wrapper off yours, "I'll eat it tomorrow, thank you," He pockets it and looks ahead with a small smile, tonight's beautiful now that he looks at it.

"You are a muggle born then?" Mattheo can't help but want to know more, because how dare his fucking father go after your lot, "Yep, I was surprised you know? To receive the letter, I thought it was some prank but of course, after a few days I realised how real it was, couldn't have been happier, to be away from home." It's funny because all Mattheo wants to do is go back to the gloomy old mansion and here you were saying the opposite, the stark difference between the two of you was obvious to him.

You ramble on and he listens, it's nothing but enjoyable to listen to mundane stories being narrated with such interest, he finds himself smiling a bit too much, to the point where his face hurts but he doesn't care because you are quite the lovely company to be around.

Muggle-born, the same year as him, Hufflepuff, living with your mom- it's not the best back home he gathers that much. You were angry at your friends and were going to hold a grudge if they didn't apologise. He learned a lot about you in that one hour and learned a few things about him as well, he didn't know he had jokes like that OR you were just too kind to laugh at his bad quips, whatever it was he was grateful because you didn't make him feel bad or like a burden. Mattheo was glad that you were the talkative one and that you didn't expect him to share anything if he wasn't comfortable, also the fact that he didn't want to send you running away by talking more about himself.

He admires the fond smile you wear when you talk, the stars reflect a bit too brightly in your eyes, and he inhales breathing in your scent, it's surreal, the moment. Mattheo didn't quite think properly until you left, wishing him a good night, "it was nice spending time with you, Mattheo!" He wonders if you knew how much it meant to him.

...

He finds out your name the next day and sees you everywhere, it's annoying because he was tired since he couldn't sleep thinking all night about you and now he has to see your face again. Now that he knows you, he can't seem to avoid you, earlier it was easy to be blind but now, everything else seems like a blind spot but you. Or maybe it's that his head is not hanging low, avoiding looking up at people.

Mattheo got over the irritation rather quickly, discreetly looking at you, eyes following every movement of yours. But you don't look at him once, he was just like any other guy to you, the realisation both hurts and feels nice, knowing that you don't demonise him but also the fact that he's no one special either. And maybe, he can live with that.

He notices the large number of people you keep around, you are never alone, always surrounded by a group and you are always the one talking, you are clearly popular. How had he not noticed you before? But then again he knew no one in the school apart from the professors, he never tried to get to know anyone because of course his fate wouldn't allow that.

Mattheo seeks out the solace of the library to keep you out of his mind for a while but the plan doesn't seem to work when he finds the chocolate you gave him in his bag. He simply sighs, knowing that there is no escape, unwarps the sweet and pops it into his mouth, shutting his eyes, and recalls your sweet smile. Warmth takes over his body, it feels nice like this, he has to talk to you once again because that can't be the only interaction he has with you, not when it's all he can think about. He breathes out slowly, staring down at the wrapper and mindlessly reading the information on the back, his jaw tightens as he realizes his stupid pathetic feelings. Mattheo puts the wrapper in his quill case and tries to study with a head full of you.

...

Okay, now it was really starting to bother him, he practically couldn't keep his eyes off you, it's like a spell had charmed him in. He wasn't even trying to be discreet at this point, he downright stared at you from a distance, it was creepy, he was aware of that but he couldn't bring himself to give a damn. Mattheo doesn't like this new feeling you've instilled in him, it's sweet and it's fucking uncomfortable. He finds it extremely difficult to get rid of you from his thoughts, so he gives up on trying and lets his mind go on autopilot.

The way you talked to him without any judgement in your eyes that day, the images of you repeated over and over again in his mind. Even when he sees you with someone else he can't help but think you are in front of him telling him a story, with those animated expressions of yours, but then seconds later he comes to his senses and sees the smile that's not directed at him, the one you gave to everyone, him too. He thinks it was your pity, that made you talk to him. He didn't feel like he was burdening you then but now when he thinks of approaching you, he knows he'd be burdening you. Your life looks no different, every day is full of joy, and you aren't smiling any less.

Why would you talk to him of all people? Perhaps, you only talked to him that day because you needed a change of scenery and not because you wanted to, he's wrong in thinking that but he's also deluded. It's the only way he keeps himself at peace, to not see meaning in your words, to not long for your company.

But he's a Riddle after all, some things just run in your blood, he has his eyes set on you and he finds it difficult to look away. New dream of his, and he'd like to have it, no matter how unattainable it feels. Yet he hasn't got a clue, it's all too new, and he doesn't know what to do, he'd like to have a plan but what would the plan even say? Go and talk to her? Yeah, like he's about to embarrass himself in front of her.

...

Your eyes stretch at the sight of him sitting in the library, alone but not in some deserted corner, he had claimed the whole couch in the centre of the room, sitting right in the middle, reading a book leaning back, a frown on his face. He looked intimidating, and to be honest, you were scared of him, the little beer in you that night had given you the courage to approach him, maybe your fate was too kind to let you find him that night but now your nerves were on fire.

It was no secret to you that he had been staring at you the past couple of weeks, but you couldn't understand the look on his face, his jaw was always clenched, eyes narrowed, and not a hint of emotion on his face. Was he mad at you? Was he the planning on-

No. You didn't like to think about it, you didn't want him to be the man they paint him as, he's just a boy, your age, maybe that's another reason why you hadn't approached him. Staying away because you were scared that they'd be right, you'd rather delve into what ifs than actually be heartbroken, your imagination brought you bliss.

But would it really be your mind if it would let you just forget it? You think and think, getting worked up over every little interaction you've had with him. How could he be evil? He talked to you so nicely the other day, even- even though you were a muggle-born, a mud blood. But when you see how he looks at you, you can't help but feel scared.

It really was an intimidating sight, your courage wore thin but you had made up your mind. You approach him cautiously, as you greet him, you start feeling jittery and flushed, "Hey Mattheo."

Mattheo jerked his head up as he heard your voice, surprised, caught off guard in fact, he didn't trust his words just yet so he simply nodded at you, acknowledging your presence, closing the book and setting it aside, all his attention on you. "I came here to study and noticed you," you look around bashfully before continuing, "I just wanted to ask you if you liked the chocolate I gave you the other day, you know the one with dark brown wrapper-" "Yeah I did," He stops you from rambling on, not that he had any problem with it but you clearly seemed nervous, he just wanted to ease your nerves, "Right so-" you quickly pull out a small pack of the chocolate from your sling bag placing it beside him, straightening up, "I'll go then, enjoy-" you are quick to turn away from him, cursing yourself in your mind, blaming yourself for making things more awkward than they already were.

Mattheo stops you in your tracks as he calls you by your name, you turn around, and he speaks in that cold voice of his, "You said you were here to study right?" you nod timidly, clutching onto the straps of your bag, he leans back and with a flick of his wrist, a table and chair are summoned in front of him, "then study," he motions to the chair opposite of him.

You were quite taken aback, you stood there for a bit before actually registering his words, and you quietly sat down, you didn't have it in you to disobey him, he was Mattheo Riddle for fucks sake, he looked and sounded like someone who doesn't take no for an answer.

A small smile tugged at his lips as he watched you carefully sit down, looking down, not meeting his gaze, he couldn't believe it, you obliged his wishes? Mattheo leaned back fully, arms folding as he watched you, brown eyes capturing each detail, amusement crawled over his face as he watched you pull out multiple books all at once, various colourful stationery items sprawled out all over the table. You looked pretty like this, stray strands of hair framing your face, lips pursed in concentration. He knew how creepy he was being, so he opened his book again and tried to read but he simply couldn't not when you were sitting in front of him, he relished your presence and this was so unlike the others, every time he had looked at you- you had been surrounded by people, so it was a sight to behold, only for him to admire. So he did, in secret, glancing up at you, every few seconds.

It's been two hours and not once did he get bored of looking at you, a small smile lingered on his face as you closed your books and looked up at him, "How's that book?" you nod towards the book in his hand- the one he was supposed to be reading, "Good, good" he bites the inside of cheek as he lies through his teeth, "Got everything done?" he sets his book aside, fixing you with a soft stare, "Yes, I just wanted to revise a bit, I forget stuff easily if I don't revise regularly," you tilt your head a bit, his eyes were much softer now, and it made your heart flutter a bit, feeling a lot more comfortable than before, so you do what you usually do when you are comfortable- talk.

"By the way, did you study for the upcoming herbology test?" And before he could answer, you pulled out a piece of paper from your bag, "This is like the holy grail, a senior gave it to me last year, it has all the specifics, of recognising plants and how to make generalised guesses about their uses-" you speak in a hushed voice, slightly leaning over the table, eyes wide as you shared your little secret, "you can have it, I have it memorised haha" You bless him with that pretty smile of yours, pushing the paper towards him, you don't let him refuse the offer and start talking about something else, he gives you a small smile, and it makes your insides turn into mush, you bite your lip trying to contain your smile, eyes shy as you start fiddling with your hands on your lap.

You talked for hours, he was much more open this time, and the conversation flowed smoothly between the two of you, it was you who mostly did the talking but he didn't seem to mind he looked more than pleased, he didn't like talking much, it seemed, so you filled in the gaps, made it look so effortless like it was easy talking to him, maybe it was easy for you but to him, it made him feel warm and fuzzy inside. You two stopped only when the librarian came in and told you it was curfew time, your eyes widened as you turned to look back at him, an amused smile on your face, both of you got up, walking beside each other, not uttering a word till you were out of the librarian's stern gaze.

"I made you miss dinner-" your eyes widened further as soon as the two of you got out, stepping into the empty hallway, "it's alright, I don't mind," you playfully rolled your eyes at him, he chuckled at your antics, "yeah sure, but your stomach would, but- we can sneak into the kitchens, you know, sneak some food out," you wiggle your eyebrows at him with a sheepish grin on your face, he scoffs in disbelief, a fond smile gracing his face, "something tells me, this isn't your first time sneaking around."

"No, it's not," you chuckle a bit before continuing, "So, are you coming or not?" you purse your lips, looking up at him with doe eyes and he questions your motives right then because there's no way you didn't have a clue about what you were doing, "would be an idiot to say no," he muttered under his breath shaking his head, "I didn't catch that-", "Yes, I am."

You give him a pleased smile, you looked so happy at that moment, he was rooted in his position as you started walking ahead of him, he had to look away to catch his breath, "Merlin" he exhaled, a hand reaching over to his chest to soothe his loud thumping heart, and in that moment he knew he was a goner.

"Mattheo-?" you turned around since you didn't hear him walk with you but soon he rushed to your side the moment you looked back, you gave him another smile as he walked beside you, he looked straight ahead then, you needed to stop doing that because no fucking way- would he be able to let go of you.

You lead him to the kitchen, both of you cautious, well just you- he was having the time of his life, getting a detention would be worth it, just a small price to pay. Mattheo repeatedly stole glances here and there, the moment you entered the kitchen, you grabbed his arm and pulled his painfully slow self in, "gosh- you sure do walk slow," you glare at him, but there's no malice in your eyes, instead they are just amused, you roll your eyes when he just shrugs in response, moving over to the tables. Mattheo just looked at you with fond eyes, he was just trying to buy more time with you by walking slowly and he didn't feel one bit guilty about it, he felt a bit too proud. 

You sigh dramatically before returning to him with a small tray in your hands, "I didn't find anything else, apart from these blueberry muffins," your eyes wander around once more trying to see if you missed something, "usually there's still stuff left, that's weird- oh well, at least we have these," you give him a small defeated smile, setting the tray on the table, shrugging as you felt that muffins weren't worth the effort of sneaking around and that you only troubled him further. Mattheo saw through you and he hated that you were feeling that way, "didn't I mention this to you? I love muffins, especially the blueberry ones." he gave you a small smile, picking up the muffin, taking a bite, "yeah, that's good, way better than the dry vegetable and chicken pies they make." He didn't look at you as he said that, but you smiled, realising what he was trying to do, you wanted to cry, why was he being so considerate? You were now beginning to go down a spiral, of all the times you thought of him in the wrong light, how dare you even think like that? 

Mattheo caught you staring and it was hard for him to control the heat that rose to his cheeks, he cleared his throat, "What? You don't like these? Well, guess they are all for me-" he teased, taking the tray in his hand and started walking away, "Hey! No-" you rushed after him with an amused smile, "I want one too," and the tray was shoved back into your hands, "better not eat all of them, yeah?" he gave you a small cheeky wink, leaning against the table, finishing the muffin in his hand. 

Mattheo offered to walk you back to your dorm, he didn't have to insist much, after all, you wanted to spend time with him too, you easily agreed after a couple of tries. You two walked in comfortable silence, as you neared the Hufflepuff dormitory, you were thinking about how you'd part ways, overthinking about what would be appropriate and in the mix of it, you just gave him an awkward side hug, squeezing his arm a bit before mumbling a quick "goodnight" and rushing in. 

He couldn't believe his eyes, were you blushing? No way, he must be imagining things. Mattheo could still feel your warm touch lingering on his side, the scene playing over and over again in his mind, he wanted to scream out of excitement- he was getting cuteness aggression, had to be it, his fists clenched at his side as he stared at the door, for god knows how long, if he could- he would've squeezed you into a bone-crushing hug, but you were quick, left him speechless. 

He walked back to the Slytherin dorm without any trouble, he closed the door behind himself and leaned back against it, he was pretty sure his skin was burning with all the warmth that was flowing through his veins. Merlin, he was embarrassing! Mattheo sighed contently, a big smile on his face as he replayed the whole day, your smile- 

...

The next few days, you guys didn't talk at all, he was back to staring and this time, when you did catch him in the act, instead of pretending you didn't see him, you gave him a knowing smile and a wave. Lingering looks, and subtle greetings, were sweet, Mattheo was now on a new high, he couldn't get enough. But for some reason, he maintained his distance, he stuck to looking at you from afar, it felt comfortable this way, not wanting to taint your reputation by talking to you in front of others, he'd talk to you if it was only you but you were never alone. 

Mattheo starts seeing life for what it is, when he looks at the trees outside, the castle in its entirety, he feels like he is seeing it for the first time. How had he missed this? He finds himself back at the astronomy tower, he looks at the lake ahead, it was a sight to behold, and he is starting to appreciate the view, these days he didn't care about much, you were all he could think about and you were more than pleasant, it was as if the grey lens of his life was replaced with a coloured one, and it would be foolish to credit anyone else but you for it, and he was fucking grateful for it. The reason he was here was, that it was the end of August, and the fireflies you so damn wished to see would be out tonight, he came here just in the hope that he'll get to see you alone. 

He was zoning out when some movement near the edge of the lake caught his eye, it was you- with a few of your friends, his smile faltered the moment he saw some blonde Hufflepuff dude pull you to his side, slinging a hand over your shoulder, you all walked towards the shrubs and didn't have to wait long before the fireflies lit up and started raising above the shrubs. He was about to leave, he was mad for some reason, really pissed- but then he took another look at you. You were standing a bit behind your friends, who had all their attention on the flies ahead, you seemed sad, looking down, messing with the soil beneath your shoe, hands in your jacket. Mattheo could make out the pout on your face, the deflated shoulders, you then turned to look right where he was, and he felt his breath catch in his throat.

Your posture straightened immediately, the pretty smile returning to your face as you looked up at the astronomy tower balcony, having spotted him, you waved at him. Mattheo nodded, forearms on the railing as he leaned forward, a smile gracing his features, the anger leaving him. You excitedly pointed at the sky, and he nodded, you turned back around when your friend called you and he couldn't look away, he was staring at you till you left, Mattheo started feeling the warmth creep up to him when he saw you making an effort to steal back glances at him. He felt seen, fucking special- 

...

Mattheo still hadn't talked to you, he couldn't catch you alone really, it was starting to get to him, he longed to hear your voice, hear you talk to him- and yet, he didn't have it in him to approach you in front of others, it would ruin you, you thrived in the company of others, he couldn't snatch that away from you. Maybe if he was a bit more selfish, he'd do it, snatch you away from others, have you all to himself but he wasn't about that life, it was something his father would do, he's sure of it, go after what he wants, not caring what others would think- 

Mattheo feels like passing out when you deliberately look at him just to give him a shy smile, a flushed look on your face. He walks away because he cannot handle looking at you, the urge is too strong, to just take you into his arms, he walks out to the empty hallway, a hand over his chest- it had become a subconscious habit of his, whenever you gave him that smile, the one that felt like it was just reserved for him, yeah that one, he felt like he was in heaven, you sent his heart rate through the roof when you did that, it borderline hurt him since he couldn't do much to satiate this feeling. 

The longing was etched into his eyes when he looked at you, one thing he realised was, that when he had his head up, no one dared to look his way, he was enjoying that power for some reason, it filled his veins with something dark, he liked seeing people look down instead of him looking down, it felt fucking nice, and it felt even better when the only person that did look at him, was you. People averted their eyes when he entered the room, choosing to ignore his presence but the fear was very much evident, so he knew they didn't see him staring at you but at this point, he really couldn't bring himself to make an active effort to look away even if someone noticed. 

It was no lie, that Mattheo wasn't up to date with all the gossip and news, he just lived life passively but now that he was out there more, he couldn't help but hear the words that fell onto his ears, Yule Ball, huh. WAIT- ball dance? That meant having a date, who were you going with? Fuck his mind was rambling shit to him, he could not let someone else take you to a fucking dance as their date, no, he wouldn't let that happen. He had to get to you before someone else did, it was nighttime, and tomorrow's the weekend, approaching you will be the first thing he'll do after he wakes up, he has to plan shit out, you know, make it special and heartfelt, you deserved nothing less.

But his heart nearly broke when he overheard two Slytherin guys talking about you. The way one of them talked about you made his blood boil, his jaw clenched tight, nails drawing blood from his palms as they dug into his coarse skin, "I told you not to ask her out, plenty of guys tried and guess what? She rejected them all." the guy who was being talked to only scoffed angrily, "She's a fucking slut, that's what she is, leading people on-" the other boy just stopped him and Mattheo exhaled, a bit relieved because if it wasn't for him, Mattheo would've smacked the guy and pushed him to the fucking wall, "dude, come on, that's not true, all she did was smile at you when you gave her your seat, she's a nice girl," these guys were in the fifth year, he recognised that much, "sure, whatever," the guy walked away to his room, making sure to loudly slam the door behind him. 

Mattheo then gets up and walks towards the guy left behind, the one who stood up for you, when he stands in front of him, he sees the dude cower into the seat, Mattheo tries to speak in a polite voice but the anger is still radiating off him, his irritated stare didn't help either, "she doesn't have a date, yeah?" his hands were behind his back, over one another, the blood still fresh, "who-o?" the guy stutters out, looking around for help but no one was there- "You know who," he fixes him with a glare, before uttering your name out loud, "no no, she doesn't, rejected them all." Mattheo then nods at him and leans back, then finally he walks back to his room, allowing the guy to catch his breath. 

Mattheo feels relief wash over him as he lets the information sink in, okay good, you didn't have a date but then again, why were you rejecting them all? What if you reject him as well? Yeah, he couldn't handle that wound, he'd fucking die, he contemplates whether he should ask you or not but he's done fucking waiting, waiting for his fate to fuck things over, if things are going to be fucked, he'll be the one to do it. 

...

Mattheo puts on a black shirt and black pants, not caring to tuck his shirt in, the cold metal ring stings him as he puts it on, the feeling is grounding, he's doing something his dad would've done and for some reason that doesn't feel half as bad, he feels like himself, it was like something had possessed him, the confidence was unwavering, even as he stepped out into the crowded hallway, hands in his pockets, looking ahead, people parted, giving him space and Merlin, did that feel fucking powerful. He rolled his sleeves up to his elbows as he approached the room you'd be in, you always were there on the weekends, with your friends and he didn't think before he stepped into the room, heads turning towards him in shock, even yours but the shock on your face was soon replaced with a smile, quietly waving at him and that right there, fed right into his ego.

He walked over to you in a few quick strides, eyes zeroed in on you, nothing else mattered at that moment, "Can I talk to you?" To say you were surprised would be an understatement, you were ecstatic, you've wanted this for so long, to talk to him in front of others, you never knew if you should because he might've felt uncomfortable, "Yes ofcourse, what is it?" you nod, a smile still on your face, "Alone," his voice was cold, "oh yeah, sure-" you step towards him, thinking he'd lead you somewhere private but he stayed rooted in his place, eyes never leaving yours, he stayed quiet for a bit, taking in your whole self, the bright clothes you were dressed in, the equally bright smile on your face. Then he looked over your head, to the shocked faces of your friends, "Alone." It came out as an order, he couldn't care less. 

Mattheo liked this newfound authority, he also relished in the fact that you were being so compliant as if you wanted this to happen and he couldn't be more glad, "Guys, I'll be back, you can go ahead, don't worry," you explained, seeing their hesitance, his unwavering gaze was back on you, brown eyes were intense. The apprehensive group slowly emptied the room and just went the last person was out, Mattheo muttered something under his breath, and the door slammed shut, locking itself. 

Mattheo cursed that pretty smile of yours before smiling back, "You have a date? For the ball?" you lowered your eyes to the ground at the question, a shy look grazing your features as you shook your head, the more he looked at you, the more positive he got. "Good."  He finally pulled his hands out of his pocket and suddenly there was a bouquet of your favourite flowers in his hand and a velvet box, he wordlessly handed them to you, your eyes were wide, full of amusement, face warm, you noticed how the lights around you got dimmer, the small mock firefly charms that floated in the air, you didn't have a clue on how he was doing all this without his wand but you couldn't bring yourself to think of it, not when you had him standing in front you, in all his glory, about to ask you to the ball, gosh you felt like you were on cloud nine, the guy you were waiting for had actually approached you? You had to be dreaming. 

Then out of nowhere, you hear your favourite song but on strings, you look down at the box curiously- "It's the muggle chocolate you were talking about, the one you said was hard to get your hands on," he shrugged nonchalantly, as if it was no big deal but in reality, he was finding the courage to finally tell you what he was feeling, ask you out. Your brows pinched together, as you noticed that all of it was a muggle, even the flower arrangement- the song, how did he do all of this? You looked up at him with an amused look. "No questions please," he breathed out like he was out of breath, you then smiled at him gratefully, and he quickly averted his eyes, his hand subconsciously reaching over to his chest, "Oh Merlin," he exhaled quietly, not being able to look back at you. 

He then slowly gathered the courage to look back at you, you were just looking at him patiently, the smile still on your face, Mattheo cleared his throat before opening up, "I have never been the one to be graceful but I want to do this properly." he inhaled sharply before continuing, "Ever since that night, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you, I think I've gone mad honestly," He lets out a dry chuckle shaking his head, looking into your eyes, "I think I've taken a liking to you, your voice, your smile-" and then he interrupts himself, forgetting the little speech he prepared as he watches your smile widen at his words, "yeah that, more of that please," and that makes you blush, the genuine interest in his eyes, the way admiration shines in his eyes, you are so close to him, that you can hear his heart thumping loudly, "I'd like to have the honour of taking you to the ball," then he says your name quietly, "would you like be my date?" 

"Yes yes!" you couldn't be more excited, you are quick to throw your arms around him, and all the worries leave his body as soon as he is subjected to your embrace, he closes his eyes, pulling you closer, finding everything comfortable in your grip. His heartstrings thrum at the moment, it was embarrassing how quickly you got him flustered but he didn't seem to mind it. He whispered a small "thank you," before hugging you tighter, you just giggled into his chest and Merlin, did he feel like he had just won the lottery.

...

<<prev work: this love || mattheo riddle

[ticklishfiend]

Ramble On (Arcane)

(lee!jayce, ler!viktor)

Word Count : 6978

Summary : Apparently, Jayce has a lot he wants to tell Viktor, but only does so once he’s drunk on Viktor’s couch. In doing so, his outward love of physical affection makes Viktor realize some things about himself.

a/n : happy new years everybody! tysm for the love on the last fic, it meant sm to me <3 i hope yall enjoy this one bc i really liked writing it. lee!jayce is a treasure and im holding him dear to my heart rn.

this is a tickle fic! not nsfw but the ending is suggestive, so don't like don't read! :D

—

Jayce cannot be serious right now.

“Just this once? Please, Viktor. That last gala made me feel like a– like a dissected lab rat. They had their hands all over me, trying to…pick me apart and figure out my game,” Jayce cringed, throwing his hands to the side in exasperation, “I’m a scientist, not some corrupt politician looking to exploit. I just feel so out of my league…”

Viktor nodded in understanding, his insides fighting against the sympathy he felt for this man. Viktor hated those galas with everything in him. He’s been to only two so far, right at the start of their partnership, and it was hell. 

They were exactly the way Jayce described, the way it made you feel like an object to be inspected upon by those giving you the funds for your work. Like you had to let them look at you the way they do, because in some round-about way you almost owe them the right.

It’s horrible. And now Jayce is begging, pleading with Viktor to go to another with him. 

Viktor’s not even sure what difference it’ll make that he’s there. Most people there always look at him like he’s some wall standing in the way of the Golden Boy. Jayce is always pulled away and prodded at while Viktor’s left to sip on his champagne and watch as Jayce shoots ‘help me’ looks his way. 

But tonight, Jayce seems desperate. The last one must’ve been pretty bad if he’s actually begging Viktor to come. He never forgets to at least ask Viktor if he’s changed his mind and wants to attend before leaving, but this time he looks like he’s about to get on his knees and clasp his hands together.

Viktor grimaced, looking up at Jayce from his office chair in the lab. “You really want me to go that bad?”

Jayce sighed with a tired nod, “Yes. I just need your moral support. I feel better when you’re there.”

“Jayce, I’ve only been twice.”

“Yeah, and they were the best ones I’ve been to,” he said sincerely, before putting his hands on Viktor’s shoulders and squeezing. “I am asking you a favor. Partner to partner. I’ll owe you one.”

Viktor stuck his tongue in his cheek and rolled it in thought. Jayce won’t stop looking him in the eyes like that, all wide and sad and puppy-ish. 

‘When did I get so weak-willed?’

“Okay fine. Fine. But–” Viktor stuck a finger in Jayce’s chest just as the man started to smile all bright. “You owe me. I will not forget this.”

Jayce’s eyes were like stars, “Oh thank you, V, thank you. I won’t forget this either, trust me. I’ll buy you all the sweet milk your stomach can take for this,” he cheered, looking like he was about to jump up and down in glee.

Viktor sighed, pushing himself up off the chair with his cane. “Yes yes, all the sweet milk money can buy,” he pat Jayce on the shoulder as he walked towards the lab doors. “I’m going to get freshened up in my room, so I will, eh…meet you there, I suppose?”

Jayce smiled hard as he ran to open the door for Viktor in gratitude. “You got it, partner.”

—

Just as Viktor suspected. Hell on earth.

It’s so crowded and noisy, the ballroom crawling with wealthy socialites that reeked of expensive perfume and alcohol– so much alcohol.

Viktor almost wonders if there was a pre-game party before this, because the amount of times they’ve had some rich lady nearly stumble over to grip Jayce on the arm and slur weird little flirts and compliments his way was staggering. Jayce looked like he was going to crawl out of his skin the whole night with the way these people were crowding him like ants to a cookie.

As the night went on, Viktor could tell it was getting to Jayce worse and worse. And not just by how visibly stiff and sweaty he’d gotten, either. 

Jayce was drinking way more than Viktor thought he would.

Glass after glass, Jayce was downing as much alcohol as he could pour down his gullet. At one point Viktor even tried to insinuate he slow down a little and fucking relax, but it was no use. Jayce just rolled his eyes like a teenager and took another glass off the nearest tray he could find.

At least he doesn’t look so out of place, seeing as nearly everyone here was on the brink of being trashed. It was surprising to watch all these high-life classy Pilties get their drink on like this, but Viktor couldn’t say it wasn’t a little bit amusing. 

He thought after he left Zaun that he’d seen about the end of getting to watch people stumble and trip over their own feet at a function, slurring their words and laughing too loud at nothing. He supposed it wasn’t the worst way to spend an evening.

But then, Jayce walked back over to him with this look in his eyes. Viktor’s brow furrowed in concern.

“Is everything alright?”

Jayce groaned, before throwing his head onto Viktor’s shoulder and mumbling into his shirt. “W’nna go home.”

Oh shit. Jayce is drunk. Really drunk.

Viktor patted him on the back, looking over his shoulder to make sure no one could see the Man of Progress pouting like a child into his partner's neck. “I concur. But– you’re coming home with me. I’m not letting you walk home alone like this, but my leg can’t make both trips.”

Jayce giggled into his neck, and his breath gave Viktor goosebumps. “Sleepoverrrr!”

Viktor sighed, repositioning Jayce to stand straight as he led them toward the exit. “I hope you know that whatever weird things you say tonight, I won’t let you live it down.”

“M’not gonna say anything weird. You’re just– you’re too judgemental,” Jayce spoke too slow, a little slurred, and Viktor couldn’t help but grin.

—

Oh Viktor has so much to tease Jayce for in the morning. He can hardly wait.

On their walk home, Jayce couldn’t keep his mouth shut. He was going on and on about how smart, how brilliant, how perfect Viktor was as his partner. Viktor couldn’t keep the blush off his face if he tried, but luckily Jayce was a little too out of it to notice. 

Jayce told him how good he looked in his gala outfit, that it fit him perfectly around the waist and the ‘butt area,’ as he put it. He confessed that he started putting sweet milk in his own coffee thanks to Viktor, and he loves it, despite how much he teases Viktor for his sweet tooth. 

And the closer they got to Viktor’s apartment door, the less Jayce could hold in his excitement about their little ‘sleepover.’

“Gonna make you play Twister with me,” Jayce joked with a giggle.

“Has anyone ever told you how much of a lightweight you are?” Viktor said as he stuck the key into his door, turning it to click. 

“Yeeeah, they told me that a lot at the academy,” Jayce smiled, walking in after Viktor and gasping. “Oh it looks so nice in here!”

“You’ve been here, Jayce. Not much, but you have.” Viktor rolled his eyes, placing his keys on the table and walking toward the open area kitchen next to the living room. “I’m going to get you some water. Go sit on the couch, you overgrown toddler.”

“M’not a toddler, I have a degree…” Jayce argued, doing as he was told and plopping onto the couch. He ran his hand over the cushion’s fabric, “You got new stuff since last time. Oh, your couch is so soft.”

Viktor opened the fridge and grabbed his water filter before reaching for the cabinet of cups. “Well, our job pays pretty nicely. I figured I could treat myself to a few furniture items here and there.”

Viktor made his way back to the living area, handing Jayce his cup and sitting next to him on the couch. It wasn’t even 11pm yet, so Viktor still felt wide awake. His hours have been so screwed up recently thanks to his many nights spent sleeping in the lab, so he knows that if Jayce doesn’t get to sleep soon, Viktor’s probably on babysitting duty for the rest of the night.

Which…didn’t sound so bad, to be honest. Viktor’s only seen Jayce drunk like this a handful of times, but that was usually when Viktor had a few more drinks in him himself.

When Jayce gets drunk, he gets silly.

Even sober, Viktor’s found himself chuckling at Jayce’s antics all night. Jayce is far from a stuck-up person, but he’s usually a tad more reserved with his playfulness, especially around Viktor.

He’s sure it’s nothing personal, Viktor can be a bit of a stickler about play in the lab, but he really likes getting to see this side of Jayce with a clear head now that they’re somewhere more private.

So watching Jayce giggle around the rim of the glass at literally nothing was much more amusing to him than it was annoying. He knows how embarrassed Jayce is going to be in the morning, and it only fuels the fire to keep this going.

Viktor can’t wait to see Jayce burn red when he recounts all the embarrassing things he’s said and done over the course of the last hour.

“What’s got your giggle-box turned over?” Viktor teased, bringing his feet up on the cushions and laying back against the arm of the couch so he could watch Jayce.

Then, realizing how weird that probably was, quickly snatched a book from the coffee table to pretend-read just so he isn’t too obvious with his staring.

Jayce snickered, placing the glass down on the table. “I dunno. You’re just, you’re being so nice to me. It’s funny.”

Viktor furrowed his brow with a smirk, “When am I not nice to you? I’m a delight.”

Jayce laughed a little harder at that. “Nooo you are nice. You’re super nice, I didn’t mean that,” he reiterated poorly, only making Viktor suppress a snicker of his own.

And before Viktor realized what Jayce was doing, the man’s head was suddenly laying down in Viktor’s lap, Jayce’s eyes peering at him from under the book. 

Viktor’s brows shot up in surprise. “Oh. Well hello there.”

“Hi,” Jayce smiled before his expression quickly turned to a little pout. He groaned as he grabbed the book in Viktor’s hands and tried prying it from his grip, but Viktor wouldn’t let go. Jayce groaned, “Uugh, pay attention to me.”

Okay, Viktor couldn’t not laugh at that. “Are you serious?”

“Yes. Super serious. I wanna talk, I like talking!” Jayce whined, still pulling on the book in Viktor’s hands. Viktor kept his grip tight, because it was far too amusing to watch this strong, bulky man fail to get a good tug in their little scuffle. “Viktor c’mon!”

“You’ve got to try a little harder than that to– aH! Hah- no, noho- Jayce, do not-!” Viktor’s voice pitched up without his permission, a choked off giggle escaping him as Jayce snuck his hands up over his own head to tickle at Viktor’s sides.

Alright. Maybe Jayce gets a little too silly when he’s drunk.

Viktor’s elbows crashed down to cover the area, letting the book fall off the couch without thinking, but that didn’t stop Jayce.

Now that he was latched on, he wasn’t letting go, and Viktor knew if he kept this up, he’d be giggling like a lunatic in no time.

Jayce grinned wide and proud. “Hah! You’re ticklish!” He teased, fingers pinching into Viktor’s sides with much more precision than they should with both the awkward angle and his clear inebriation. “I could tell. You look ticklish.”

Viktor shook his head, “Whahat does that even–?! gAh- okay, okahay! Enough!” He was full on giggling now, which is ridiculous because Jayce is supposed to be the one embarrassing himself right now, not Viktor.

Actually. What a wonderful idea.

Viktor gathered enough willpower to push his arms away from his sides, quickly diving his own fingers into Jayce’s very exposed armpits and digging in, albeit a little clumsily.

And yet, Jayce still screamed like a girl.

He shot his elbows down to his sides, immediately falling into a bout of ticklish laughter. His head leaned back and exposed his throat that bobbed through his cackling, legs gently kicking at the arm of the couch, more playful than anything.

“Nohohoho! Viktor!” Jayce cackled, and Viktor couldn’t help but snicker incredulously at the ridiculous situation he’s found himself in.

He’s got his fingers stuffed between Jayce’s arms, wiggling them into any muscle and bone he can that he knew would be sensitive on himself.

Viktor’s never found himself in the situation of having to tickle someone to make them stop tickling him before. Actually, now that he thinks about it, this might be his first time really tickling someone. He’s poked and pinched at Jayce a few times in the lab when he’s going about his daily routine of teasing Jayce til he turns pink, though he’d hardly count that as real tickling.

He’s teased Jayce for his ticklishness for a while now, ever since that day his elbow poked a little too funny into Jayce’s rib and made the man squeak. Of course, Viktor couldn’t help but take advantage, constantly reminding Jayce that, ‘yes, I remember, and technically speaking, I could use this information against you anytime I want.’

But really tickling? Burying his fingers into the flesh and digging there with enough gentleness to make Jayce laugh the way he is right now with his head thrown back into Viktor’s lap, caught up in breathless laughter and little squirms he couldn’t control…

...Yeah, this is certainly a first.

Though, Viktor’s not complaining. It’s quite hard to beat a view as cute as this one.

“Plehease!” Jayce begged through his giggling, shaking his head side to side. He wiggled helplessly on Viktor’s lap, but still kept his weight almost entirely off Viktor’s bad leg.

This man is so sweet it’s giving Viktor a toothache.

“What are you begging for? You started this, you were practically asking for it,” Viktor teased, grinning when he saw how flushed Jayce looked at his comment.

His fingers found a spot right near the top of Jayce’s ribs, and the man under him jolted with a cackle. 

“I did nohot!” Jayce argued pitifully, still doing nothing to push Viktor away and stop his assault.

If anything, it almost looked like he was trying hard not to stop him. His fists were balled up, occasionally gripping onto his own shirt like he needed something to grab onto. He was just…taking it.

Oh this could be very interesting if Viktor’s current theory proves correct.

Suddenly, Viktor stopped the wiggling of his fingers, keeping them still and motionless underneath the man’s arms. Jayce panted through his remaining giggles, twitching like he was expecting it to start up again at any point.

His smile never left, wide and bright as ever. Viktor could feel the man’s anticipation under his fingertips.

And Jayce looked positively giddy with it.

Viktor tilted his head in curiosity as he looked down at Jayce in his lap, his face upside-down from this angle. “Are you having fun down there?” He asked, taking advantage of Jayce’s loose tongue.

Jayce’s giggles just started anew, and Viktor didn’t have to move a muscle to prompt it.

“Stohop.”

“I did stop. Almost thirty seconds ago, I might add.”

Jayce’s nose scrunched up from his snickering, “I take it back. You are not nice.”

“Oh?” Viktor’s voice tilted, giving the fingers under Jayce’s arm an experimental curl.

Jayce jerked with giddy panic at the feeling, “Noho wait! You’re nice, you're nice, you’re so nice–! Plehease!

Viktor shook his head fondly, “Are you actually this ticklish or are you just drunk?” 

“Mmmhm, probably both” Jayce smiled wide, looking through his lashes up to Viktor. They both just stared at each other for a moment, Jayce with excited anticipation in his eyes, and Viktor…well, he could only assume he looked about as smitten as he felt. Again, hopefully Jayce was too drunk to notice.

Then Jayce squirmed with a hummed, mischievous giggle in his throat, before lifting his arms and wrapping them around Viktor’s waist, locking his own fingers together behind his slender back. He was looking at Viktor with a little challenge in his eyes, as if saying, ‘bet you won’t.’

Viktor’s own eyes widened, his jaw slacking in fond shock with a curl to the corner of his lips. Jayce cannot be serious.

“Is this an invitation, Jayce?” He asked with a skeptical chuckle, lifting his fingers to hover just above Jayce’s armpits and wiggle teasingly. At the sight, Jayce giggled hard and shut his eyes back up, his elbows flinching at the thought.

“Noooo,” he said, his smile betraying his words.“Just…gettin’ comfy.”

Viktor hummed, “Could you open your eyes then?”

Jayce’s eyes scrunched tighter. “No way.”

“Why not? You don’t like the view?”

“Oh shut it, you know that’s not why,” Jayce huffed, the grin just unable to leave his face. “No, m’just comfy. And if I can’t see you then…” he pulled his lips in like his next words were crawling out of him against his will. “...then, you can just do whatever you want. I dunno.”

Oh, Viktor is going to eat this man alive.

“So that’s what this is then?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I think you might.”

“Nope. Nuh uh. Shut up.”

“You’re telling me to shut up? In your position?”

Jayce threw his head to the side bashfully, his lips pressed together on a shy smile. “Hm?”

Viktor snickered, “You are actually asking for it. Oh you’re going to hate yourself for this in the morning, aren’t you?”

Jayce snickered, burying his face into the crook of his elbow, “I think I’ll just be glad I got it over with.”

“Oh? This is something you’ve wanted for a while then?” Viktor asked through a grin, before bringing down his index fingers to slowly, teasingly scribble into Jayce’s pits (because god, looking at Jayce like this, all inviting and practically begging for it, waiting any longer to strike would’ve probably killed them both). 

Jayce yipped, his elbows jerking inward and nearly covering his entire face. The fabric of Jayce’s dress shirt created a smooth glide under Viktor’s fingernails that he was sure felt torturous.

His arms shook with the effort to keep them locked behind Viktor’s back, but somehow he stayed put.

Not, of course, without giggling his head off at the lightest of touches under his arms, his heels digging into the couch cushions.

“Mahaybe-!” He managed through light, breathy laughter. His giggling sounded almost nervous, like he knew just how much worse this could get for him.

Viktor adjusted his jaw on his smile, throwing a look to the side like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He knew Jayce was a massive lover of physical affection, but good god, Viktor didn’t realize how much he’d like giving it to him.

So Viktor looked back down, getting into character. He’s never really tickled someone before, but he’s more than happy to learn with Jayce as his willing subject.

“There’s no way you’re going to be able to keep your arms up. I’d bet money on it.”

“You hahave– aHk-! Suhuch little faith in mehe!” Jayce joked, doing a much better job keeping composure under these circumstances than Viktor ever could.

Ignoring his comment, Viktor moved his hands lower on Jayce’s torso to pinch at his ribs meticulously, plucking at each one at the top. He got quite a rise out of the way Jayce’s giggles raised in pitch and panic, his legs kicking on their own accord.

Jayce’s desperate smile looked like it was going to burst at the seams.

“Ohoh no fahair!” Jayce whined, his eyebrows pinched together from frantic laughter. His face was so flushed, hair a tousled mess from his squirming, and Viktor felt himself growing warm at the sight. 

Shit. Viktor really likes this.

“How is this not fair? You knew I was going to tickle you, so why does it matter where I do it?” He asked, and though he used a teasing tone, he was genuinely asking. 

Weirdly, now that he’s realized how much fun this was, Viktor wants to approach this from a scientist’s perspective. Test theories, make conclusions, and above all, experiment.

“Becahahause!” Jayce threw his head to the other side, like he’s trying to block his face from all angles. “It– gghaAHha noo!– it’s wohorse!”

“How, Jayce?” Viktor paused his fingers, keeping them poised sharply against Jayce’s top rib. Jayce pouted, letting out another one of his famous whines. “I want you to tell me.”

“Uuugh,” Jayce groaned, looking pained in the best way that Viktor’s prying this information out of him. “It’s just…when you get all pinchy…it feels worse.”

Viktor hummed. “Worse in a bad way?”

Jayce just stared back at him with pinched lips like he’d been caught.

So Viktor grinned. “Ah. Worse in a good way then, hm?”

Jayce’s eyes shut tight, his mouth spreading into a bashful smile that looked impossible to fight back.

“So if I were to, say, do this-” Viktor pinched harsher at Jayce’s ribs, staying near the top and really letting his fingers dig in between the bone, practically vibrating into the flesh.

Jayce immediately arched through a cackle, his chest bouncing with the force of it. His face looked gleefully desperate.

“Noho don’t-!”

“-It would tickle worse than if I were to do this-?” He switched tactics quicker than Jayce could process the feeling, his fingertips softening along the ribs and skittering over the smooth fabric of Jayce’s shirt.

He could still feel the bones under his fingers through the thin fabric, feeling the way Jayce’s body jumped underneath him, and the sensation made Viktor’s stomach flip in excitement.

The change in tickling made Jayce stumble over his laughter, keening through the feeling as his laughter morphed from something deep and desperate, to a lighter, bubblier sound that made his ears turn pink.

“Gghk-hah- aha shihit!” Jayce could barely speak, so visibly flustered by Viktor’s teasing. It made Viktor feel something powerful yet caring surge through him. He was controlling Jayce’s reactions, forcing torturous sensations upon him and pulling humiliating sounds from his throat, and Jayce was loving every second of it. “I– I cahan’t!”

Viktor cooed, “Aw, but you are Jayce Talis. You can do anything you put your mind to, no?” The words flowed like butter off his tongue, the teasing coming so natural to him. He’s spent so long messing with Jayce in their lab, it’s like he knows the exact buttons to press now that he’s got him hysterical under his fingers.

And when Viktor began moving his hands inward, fingers spidering towards Jayce’s bouncing stomach, it seemed that was Jayce’s breaking point. With a frantic shriek he shot his arms down to protect his middle, his knees folding into himself as he quickly curled onto his side, still on Viktor’s lap. 

Viktor’s brows shot up in surprise at such a reaction, biting his lip on an amused smile. He brought his hands up to comfort a still-giggling Jayce, smoothing over his shoulder as he caught his breath in Viktor’s lap.

Viktor clicked his tongue. “I’m guessing the stomach is an off-limits spot, then?”

Jayce huffed a chuckle into Viktor’s thigh. Even drunk, he’s kept his weight entirely off Viktor’s bad leg through the whole ordeal, and even now brings a hand down to massage into the flesh the way he knows soothes Viktor’s aching muscles. Viktor felt his heart clench at such a caring action, wanting to lean down and kiss all over Jayce’s head and the mess of hair that covered it.

“Not off-limits,” Jayce started, his words mumbled into the fabric of Viktor’s pants. “There’s just no way I can keep my arms up if you’re there. It’s pretty bad.”

“Noted,” said Viktor, “I’ll remember to get you nice and secure next time.”

Jayce shot his head up, looking at Viktor with wide, nervous eyes. “N-Next time?”

God, Viktor wanted to just squeeze Jayce until he popped. “What, you didn’t like it? You looked like you were having a ball down there.”

Jayce flashed another shy, closed-mouth smile, his eyes darting away. “Well, I– I just thought that it wasn’t something that…well, something that you would wanna do again,” Jayce shrugged, “You’re not usually playful like that.”

And he’s right, usually Viktor wouldn’t indulge himself with such an outward display of childishness. He’ll tease, oh how he teases, but getting too physical always felt like some barrier he’d have to forge a long path toward tearing down.

Turns out, that barrier was a lot easier to cross when Jayce made it so clear how badly he wanted it from Viktor.

“Well,” Viktor started, smoothing his thumb over Jayce’s shoulder and feeling warm when Jayce leaned into his palm, “You seemed to be enjoying yourself so much. I expected you to push me away, and then…you didn’t. Once I realized you seemed to like it, I found myself enjoying it too,” he said, before chuckling softly, “As odd as it may be.”

Suddenly, the top of Viktor’s hand was enveloped with Jayce’s own (Viktor knew his hands were smaller than his partner’s, but good god, it pretty much wrapped entirely around his own), and it didn’t seem like Jayce even realized what he was doing. He was just savoring every bit of affection Viktor gave him, and indulged himself as he pleased.

As it seemed, Viktor could learn a thing or two from Jayce, and he really, really wanted to.bx 

“You caught me, I liked it,” Jayce mumbled, his words slurred and sleepy as he made himself comfy over Viktor’s lap, leaning his weight on the good leg. “But…I just really like when you’re like this. It’s fun.”

Viktor was glad Jayce’s eyes had slipped shut, because the look on his face had to be painfully obvious. He felt so warm, his insides turning gooey when Jayce snuggled the side of his face into Viktor’s thigh. 

Jayce is so honest. Too honest. Viktor loves and envies him for it so deeply. He can’t understand how Jayce is able to roll those words off his tongue like it’s the easiest thing in the world to do, like it isn’t painful to admit.

Viktor wants to learn how for Jayce. He’s a smart man, they both are. Maybe it’s not as hard as he made it out to be in his head.

He turned his palm up to squeeze Jayce’s, exhaling shakily when Jayce squeezed back gently, tired. “I like when you’re like this too, Jayce,” Viktor practically whispered, hoping his kind words were the last thing Jayce heard before falling asleep. 

—

Jayce woke up to the smell of coffee.

And just as soon as that warm smell hit him, a pounding pain behind his eyes seemed to hit even harder.

Jayce groaned. As he slipped his eyes opened, he realized the sun had a fucking vendetta against him this morning, its rays shining through the window directly into his eyes and going straight to that source of pain in his head. He threw his arm over his face with another groan. 

“I think I’m dying.”

“Well good morning to you too.”

Jayce huffed, suddenly remembering where he was. “Coffee’s on?”

He heard a little hum of confirmation from the kitchen, slumping further into the cushions. Jayce sighed, “I don’t think I even drank that much last night. I don’t know why I feel like actual death incarnate.”

“Oh no, you definitely drank too much. You had some of the punch, yes?”

Jayce peeked over the arm of the couch, sparing Viktor a furrowed brow. “Yeah?”

Viktor smirked, grabbing the coffee pot to pour into their respective mugs. “I suspect it may have been spiked. Everyone that touched that bowl went home slung over someone else’s shoulder.”

Jayce buried his forehead in his arm with a frustrated sigh. “That explains…so much.”

He heard the familiar click of a cane coming his way, lifting his head to meet Viktor’s gaze with a tired chuckle. Viktor handed him his coffee before seating himself down next to Jayce, blowing the steam off the top of his own cup.

“So…” Viktor started, not even glancing at Jayce as he grinned down the rim of his coffee. “...tickling, hm?”

Jayce choked on the coffee he had been trying to swallow down.

Viktor took Jayce’s cup and sat it down on the table to pat his back through the coughing fit, that calm and collected look on his face never wavering. Jayce felt himself burning to the touch.

“I– uh, I don’t– heh, it wasn’t like that–”

“Jayce,” Viktor commanded Jayce’s gaze with his voice. Jayce’s eyes were wide, biting down on his lip in embarrassment.

Viktor just smiled warmly. “I know how you are about physical affection. I’ve received more hugs from you in the past few months than I probably have in the last decade.”

Jayce nodded to show he was listening, but felt himself sadden a bit at the passing comment. How could anyone not want to hug Viktor?

Sure, he’s a bit bony, and is maybe a little intimidating when you first meet him, but Jayce had Viktor in a tight embrace within their first few months of acquaintance. Jayce can’t help but throw an arm around him any chance he can get. He’s just…touchable.

Still, Viktor continued, “And though I’m not one to usually give out such affections myself, you seemed…very happy last night.”

He twisted his lips, thinking of how to word it. “I’m unsure if the whole tickling thing specifically was just a manifestation of your intoxicated state, or if it’s something you also crave when you’re sober,” he tapped a nervous finger against the mug. “Nonetheless…I found myself enjoying it as well.”

Viktor shrugged, but looked a bit embarrassed at the admittance. “I’m sure you don’t remember details, but you told me last night that you had been hoping for something like that to happen for a while now,” he said, giving Jayce a hard, concentrated stare that made him nearly shiver. “Was it just my offering of physical affection that you wanted? Or…the specifics of how I handed it out last night?”

God. Jayce isn’t sure whether to be elated or mortified by how scientific Viktor was handling this.

He loves how Viktor’s accent curls around the words and makes them sound so clinical and professional, but he could also feel how hot his face was burning at the sound and was frankly a bit too embarrassed to answer in the same dignified manner.

“Um…” he started, cringing at the sound of his own wavering voice. “Sort of…both? I think?”

Viktor nodded, his face set in concentration on Jayce’s. Jayce felt so observed, and it made eye contact very hard.

“I do like the, uh…the– y’know-”

“The tickling?”

Jayce huffed, bringing a hand to his face. “Yeah. That.”

Viktor grinned. “You struggle to say the word?”

“In this context? Yeah. A lot.”

Viktor just pinched his lips on a smile. “Please, continue.”

Jayce sighed, “So, I do like that part specifically. Like, kind of a lot.” He shrugged shyly, bringing a knee to his chest to lean on, “But, you’re right, it isn't just that. I…do really like when you touch me in any way,” he said, before stammering, “Wait– that sounds weird but, you know what I mean.”

Viktor nodded once, “I do.”

Jayce exhaled like he’d been holding his breath, picking at the fabric of his pants anxiously. Shit, he never changed clothes last night. His shirt’s probably wrinkled to high hell right now. He must look like a mess.

Jayce ran fingers through his hair and looked down at the cushion of the couch. How is he supposed to tell Viktor how much he wants to touch him, to be touched by him, to feel every fabric of Viktor’s being under his fingertips and have the same done to him, without it sounding as romantic as it feels? 

He doesn’t want to scare Viktor off by admitting how he’s felt about him for the past…god, who knows how long by now, but with the way this conversation is going, it doesn’t seem like he’s getting out of it any time soon.

Jayce bit the inside of his lip. “I do remember last night. Not every detail, but I do remember bits and pieces,” he glanced at Viktor through his eyelashes. He looked so focused on Jayce, hanging onto his every word. “You seemed like you were having fun too.”

Viktor’s expression remained unchanged, but Jayce swore he saw his cheeks flush. “I was. I’ve told you that, you putz,” he taunted, the corner of his lips twitching upward. “You’re trying to change the subject— that subject being you.”

Jayce chuckled, crossing his arms and leaning back against the arm of the couch. “Okay, fine. What do you wanna know then?”

Viktor took a sip from his coffee, eyeing Jayce down over the mug the entire time. Jayce suppressed a squirm at the lingering gaze. When he swallowed, he sat the mug down in one swift movement, before leaning back himself.

“Is it a kink thing?”

Jayce thought his own eyes were going to bulge out of his head, his body suddenly running dangerously hot. Okay, now he’s squirming.

“Uh–” he stammered, chuckling nervously. “I mean, I guess it can be? I’ve never…tried it like that before or anything, but I don’t think I’d be opposed.” He scratched the back of his neck just to do something, anything with his hands. 

Viktor just kept watching him, and the realization that Jayce might be implying something with his words made him fumble.

“But that wasn’t– that’s not how I felt about it last night, if you were wondering. Not that I wouldn’t– I mean…god, I can feel how red my face is right now, you are the worst.”

Viktor couldn’t hold back a chuckle at that. He leveled his stare with a smile. “I’m not sorry. It’s quite amusing to see the Man of Progress squirm through such a confession,” he said, before giving a little shrug like this conversation wasn’t picking Jayce apart at the seams. “And, for the record, if it had been a kink thing…I wouldn’t have been opposed.”

Jayce’s mouth hung open slightly in shock. “Wha—Are you serious?”

Viktor smirked. “Is that a problem?”

“No, no, of course it’s not! I’m just… a little surprised, is all. That you’d be willing to, y’know, do something like that with me,” he said, greatly underexaggerating the feelings coursing through him right now. 

If the butterflies in his stomach were real, they probably would’ve eaten through Jayce’s body and infested the entire house by now. He can feel his own heart hammering in his chest, and he’s trying very hard not to get shaky. 

Jayce bit his lip. “I mean. I’m not saying no, but maybe…maybe sometime in the future is all.” 

No one has ever known this about him. He’s open about his love of affection, sure, but the tickling part? For some reason, that had always been kept close to his chest, something too vulnerable and embarrassing to say out loud. 

So for Viktor to know, and be so clearly fascinated by it, was eating Jayce alive. He’s loving every ounce of this humiliating attention, but he doesn’t know how much more he can take of not having Viktor wreak havoc over every sensitive spot he’s hidden for so long.

Viktor hummed, setting his cup down on the coffee table. He wasn’t looking at Jayce anymore, and his demeanor seemed almost…nervous now.

He was biting the inside of his lip the same way he does when he’s cutting it close on an important deadline, and his thumb tapped impatiently on the knee of his bad leg. And Viktor being nervous made Jayce feel nervous, almost hearing the thrum of his own heartbeat in his ears.

Viktor clicked his tongue. “I think it’d be stupid not to say something at this point,” he started, and Jayce felt his heart stop when Viktor leveled an anxious glare his way.

“Last night made me realize that, though I don’t like giving affection away to just anyone…” he smiled something warm and sweet. “...I like giving it to you. When I do, your face lights up something vicious, yet calm in me. I enjoy the feeling very much, and I can only hope you feel the same.”

Jayce felt his breath leave him. He smiled hard, reaching a hand out to grip Viktor’s. Viktor chuckled at the gesture, and squeezed back.

“I do, V. So much, you don’t even know,” Jayce breathed, scooting close to gather as much warmth from the man as he could. He tucked his face into Viktor’s neck, feeling light knowing Viktor enjoyed this just as much as he did. “Anything with you makes me happy.”

Viktor huffed a small laugh through his nose, bringing his free hand up to smooth up and down Jayce’s back. “You know…” he started, leaning his head back to look at Jayce properly, “I’m quite glad you’re such a lightweight, otherwise I don’t know if we’d have ever gotten to this point.”

Jayce snickered into Viktor’s neck, making the man scrunch slightly on a smile. “Yeah, me too.” 

And before he could stop it, Jayce found himself kissing softly at Viktor’s neck, slow and nervous but still so sweet with intent. He heard Viktor gasp, his head scrunching slightly against Jayce’s own.

“Ah– Jayce-”

“Is this okay?” Jayce whispered, his voice breathy with nerves. He kissed again, this time even softer and more hesitant with his question in mind.

And Viktor giggled.

Jayce smiled against the skin, “What are you laughing at?”

Viktor pushed at Jayce’s head, his own voice light with joy, “Your stubble is dreadful Jayce, stop!”

“Oh it’s dreadful is it? Bet you’re just full of dread right now–” Jayce grinned, very purposefully rubbing his mouth and chin all over the sensitive expanse of Viktor’s skin, smiling even bigger when Viktor fell into choked giggles and squeaks he was clearly trying to contain. “What’s wrong, V? Can’t take your own medicine?”

“You are a menace!” Viktor’s voice was so pitchy, Jayce couldn’t stop smiling if he tried. He couldn’t help but nip gently at the spot under Viktor’s ear, squeezing his arms around Viktor’s waist affectionately when the man cackled and pushed against him half-heartedly.

“No-! Horrible! You are–ahaha-!” Viktor melted into helpless giggles when Jayce’s fingers started pinching at his sides, soft and sweet and torturous. “F-Fuhucker!”

Then, Viktor seized Jayce’s wrists with a sudden urgency, and Jayce pulled off with a small look of concern. “Sorry, I just– I thought-”

“You are fine, Jayce,” Viktor panted through a little leftover smile. He brought his face closer to Jayce’s, so close the tips of their noses brushed, and Jayce’s lashes fluttered. Viktor grinned all smug, “I just figured, you may wish to kiss properly instead.”

Jayce breathed, nodding like an eager puppy, “Yeah. Yes, please.”

Viktor hummed in agreement. Then, finally, he closed the gap with intimate softness, brushing his lips teasingly against Jayce with a little breath of his own. Once Viktor had their lips locked together, he pushed forward with a sudden neediness Jayce had never seen in him.

Jayce made a pitiful sound into the kiss, letting Viktor lead their way through it. Viktor cupped his hand around Jayce’s cheek, and the other man eagerly placed his own on top, desperate to feel any and all of Viktor’s warmth.

And Jayce couldn’t help it, he was completely unable to keep quiet about just how much he was enjoying this. 

He panted little gasps when they broke apart, moaned when Viktor finally let his tongue slip through and grazed Jayce’s teeth. He felt Viktor’s hand slip up his shirt, and with how hot everything had been getting, was expecting a different kind of touch than the one he got.

Fingers curled softly at the back of Jayce’s ribs, wiggling soft and featherlight at the sensitive skin. Jayce made the most humiliating sound into Viktor’s mouth, a noise between a giggle and a moan, and Viktor hummed all smug in return. The sound made Jayce’s mouth tingle as his back instinctively twitched away from the soft touch, though Viktor’s fingers always followed.

“V-Vik–”

“You’re so sensitive, Jayce. Ticklish,” Viktor drawled, and Jayce felt himself shiver at the word. “And, if you’d allow me…” he leaned into Jayce’s ear, making sure his lips brushed feathersoft against the skin just to make Jayce tremble. “I’d like to find every spot that makes you tick.”

Jayce felt his entire body flush red hot.

“You are way too good at this.”

Viktor just kissed him again, mumbling into his lips, “I remember something about you owing me? Does this ring any bells?”

Jayce whined through a smile, hiding his face into the crook of Viktor’s neck. “You are evil. Pure, pure evil.”

Viktor chuckled, pinching his fingers into Jayce’s ribs, then not moving his fucking fingers. Jayce felt like a live wire, entirely tense and way, way too excited. 

“Yes, yes. So evil,” he teased, crooking his fingers just slightly to make Jayce whine through a giggle. “Now. Try to stay still, yes?”

Jayce was never going to live this down. 

He’s never been happier to owe anyone anything in his entire life.

…

a/n : tysm for reading! ik this was long but i couldn’t help myself they’re so cute and i just kept needing to write more and more LOL. hope u guys enjoyed and again, happy new years to everyone!! luv u guys MWAH <3

[afsosville]

Time to over-analyze things with limited canonical information just because. Here are some of the reasons why Qing Jing may have been a hindrance to Shen Jiu's emotional development and solidified his corruption arc>>

Qing Jing was like the perfect peak to let all his mental wounds fester if you think about it.

Shen Jiu acting like nobility or an educated young master (as most disciples of Qing Jing are) is purely a coping mechanism. It literally screams masking! While the exact circumstances of how he got chosen for Qing Jing is unknown, we can assume he didn't have a choice since most disciples typically just follow their new master to wherever they take them from the selection grounds (with the exception of Bai Zhan lol). He was most likely hoisted onto the Qing Jing peak lord, as no master would've wanted him because of his fucked up meridians and late age. They acquiesced to take him anyway coz of Yue Qingyuan's/the sect leader's insistance. And because it's Shen Jiu, he would naturally do whatever it took to get to the top, and if he started acting like the very sort of people he hates, then so be it.

You can imagine how disastrous imitating his abusers is going to be (he's imitating noblemen in general, but he's definitely taking the Qiu's as a primary example). Shen Jiu clearly is trying to remove and forget everything about his past, and even accepts the rumours of him being a spoiled young master to cast away suspicion. He is coping hard. Not to mention, he was named QingQIU when he became Qing Jing's succeeding disciple. Listen I don't care if it was a bad coincidence or not but that doesn't endear me to Shen Jiu's shizun in the slightest (I'm only talking abt SJ's shizun in canon, not fics, the fics are great. But it's more than likely that SJ's shizun was negligent or abusive as well. Here's why I think that). Between all of this, there's no way he's processing any of that trauma when he's constantly forced to remember all of it. No wonder he slipped into the abuser role easily since he's literally out here actually being made to copy their behavior.

Qing Jing and even the rest of Cang Qiong were always hostile to Shen Jiu, even in his discipleship. These ppl went out of their way to run interventions on Shen Jiu when he's minding his own business. Yes I'm talking abt the whole brothel thing. There were doubtlessly so many disciples who went for the very reasons Shen Jiu was assumed of going for, so why is he the only one getting shit for it? Not only was going to brothels not even a crime worthy of conviction, it was even normalized to an extent. And it would've been so easy to figure out if he really was going for anything "lecherous" by just asking the women there. The fact that, that whole ordeal was never cleared up just shows they didn't actually care about the women or what he was supposedly doing to them. They only cared because it was Shen Jiu who was involved.

Shen Jiu being on any other peak would change things for sure even if it's marginally. Its probably just wistful thinking, but I know at least half of those peaks, even the fanon ones, would be better than Qing Jing at any rate. Again, Shen Jiu would claw his way up and try to succeed any way he can, so if he were put on another peak that would be a somewhat healthy environment for him, he would do well, regardless of the peak. Him doing well on Qing Jing doesn't mean anything other than showing off his awesome(horrible and problematic) coping skills. So really, I can't help but think Qing Jing wasn't a good fit for him, especially with Shen Jiu's specific brand of trauma.

I did a pole once asking if Shen Jiu would've done better on another peak, or if they were just curious to see him anywhere else, and I'm not surprised that the most voted for peak was Yin Hui, the fanon peak for espionage and assassins. Now I'm going to go another tangent why Yin Hui would be good for him later.

[the-monkeies-girl]

Savior Complex. ( Noa x Human! Reader. ) Part 9.

ack

Title: Savior Complex. Fandom: ( Kingdom of the ) Planet of the Apes. Rating: T. ( Violence, injury, blood, implication of non-consensual happenings. NOTHING NON-CONSENSUAL ACTUALLY HAPPENED/HAPPENS. ) Pairing: Implied! Noa x Human! Reader. Words: 6.4K+ Summary: Noa knew now. He needed to corrupt himself to keep you safe.

READ THE SERIES HERE.AO3 ( Working on adding the chapters. )

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“What does… Death mean to Echo?”

Noa liked to do this, you noticed in the time you had been at the Clan. Only a month or so, but long enough for you to establish relative behavior that turned into small patterns that you were able to recognize. Very much in the same vein that you knew him to wake up before everyone else, to go to the Eagle Enclosure, to hear his singing and proceeding to forget it throughout the day as you were indirectly taking in something you weren’t meant to, that was not meant for Humans, you knew his tendencies.

It was not like it was difficult, after all, Apes… Were very open as far as that went. Privacy seemed the way of the past for them, and it was exclusive to Humanity, or Echo, through and through. They shared things, their conversations all held incredible meaning even if it were simply jokes and pesterance. 

As much as you tried to shove aside your feelings for it and to remain as neutral as possible given the circumstances that landed you in the Clan, it was hard not to find it somewhat admirable as your self-loathing piqued intensely at the prospect that… You were told your entire life that they were nothing more than savage beasts.

Reaching down, you let your fingers drift right over the injury on the calf you had sustained from a group of them trying to kill you. It was fading now, scab turning over a new leaf into a silver indentation, a few inches long and it was still tender but it was a stark course of the reminder of who you were, versus who they were. The first question always hit your mind at times like this, times of intense juxtaposition. Where Noa was very obviously seeking a certain answer and yours was not going to satisfy his insatiable need for you to answer it correctly. Were Apes and Humans… Able to live side by side?

 Burrowing your eyebrows at the intensity of the question posed by Noa just a few seconds ago, you found yourself replaying it over and over again in your head to the point where his carefully placed phrasing and infliction all sounded sort of dull. It had a multitude of answers, you knew that. And based on the fact that Noa even thought to ask you, it meant that he had a fixed belief, most likely based upon the customs of his Clan from generations ago who planted the very seeds.

Taking your time in contemplation, you dug your fingers into the dirt that you were sitting on top of, letting your eyes drift towards the Chimp who had his back facing your own, his hand tentatively playing with the water of a small stream that seeped into the larger river near the Colony. Where life began, where life ended. Tilting your head at that thought springing to mind at the mere sight of water, silence beckoned you to follow her into an abyss where there were no logical answers and you still found yourself sifting through them in hopes that you could find one to appease him, that tiny bit of yourself convinced that he would attack if you were to answer unfavorably.

Fists drawn into themselves, your knuckles turned white out of mere frustration. Why did he have to pick such difficult questions for you to answer? Why couldn’t he just ask about… Something… Mundane? You knew that wasn’t the point of the agreement you had made, the first time your hands touched upon the understanding as you literally grasped hands to seal the deal. Flashing your digits outwards, you pulsed them to get the blood flowing again. 

 Death could mean nothing, you could retort with utmost confidence despite not actually knowing but that seemed abhorrently sadistic and you crossed it off the list. It could mean something beyond our control, you could be more optimistic rather than dally in the vague notions that death was truly the end of the line for all living creatures. Drawing a deep breath in, you felt your lungs expanding against your ribs and diaphragm, Noa reacting to the sound itself as he turned his head slightly to the side as you exhaled.

What do you tell an Ape expecting to hear one thing that his entire notion, his entire premise of death and the afterlining of it were not the same culturally? He had to know it was different, that whatever you were going to tell him might not be the same as what he believed his entire life. After all, here you were, Human to Ape, speaking after being torn away from the concept for years upon years of conditioning.

It could send him into a shock, into a flurry of worry and he could end up tearing apart his entire Village in search of the metaphorical answers that always fell behind the inquiry he so blessed you with this Fall afternoon. That was the bargain he made with himself every morning with Noa rose to tend to the birds, singing to them and hoping that the Elders of the past would forgive his trespasses, selfish and needy, towards knowledge that was not available to them because he wanted more. A breeze drew your scent to him, more inviting now that he had gotten to know you a bit more ardently, not on the verge of hostilities towards each other any longer, but now teetering up a delicate tightrope between occult trust and toleration. Green eyes were fixated on the foliage in front of him, trees turning from their happy Summer indentations into the more alluring oranges, yellows, darkened and flushed browns of Fall.

It was this time of year that Noa noticed his coat of fur thickening in preparation of the colder months, and he found himself vaguely curious as to what Echo did during these times. He thought to ask --- But, after contemplation and restlessly obsessing about it, he figured it was a very personal question and left it to stick on the pin-board in the back of his mind. Maybe, he thought to himself and shut his eyes pensively, the water rushing between the hardened pads of his fingers, if you were to bring it up he’d find a justification for asking you what you would do - how you prepared.

That in itself was not what was truly on his mind, Noa knowing fully well that the question he brought  to the front of today’s conversation, was a very loaded one indeed. He wanted to know, his gaze drifted to the sky above, alight happily with the same blue that chased the moon away and clung desperately to the loneliness of the sun, just what it meant to someone else. Someone who shared nothing of his ideas, pressing that… That his Father was truly watched over him. That his Father guided him in life now, after promises of many lessons to teach before he was taken away.

 Noa never felt intended for the name ‘Master of the Birds’ because his Father never put blind faith in his abilities, never harbored them like he should have, like his Mother often did. His Father, soaring high up above the blue sky, high above the curvature of the Earth, led a helping hand in Noa’s decision now, and that caused him to scoff it off. Deep down… He wanted to believe that maybe his Father was seeking to build a bridge that he hated in life, volatile towards Echo. It would make Noa feel better about his choice to let you stay, knowing one of the last things his Father warned him about was the danger that always followed Echo footsteps. 

“Really depends…” You finally spoke up, taking the Chimpanzee right out of the trance that he had sought for in the recent weeks, riddled with guilt that he was making a choice that was not beneficial or fruitful in anyway, even though you were giving him information about the world that he knew he’d never experience otherwise. Ignorance is bliss, and Noa beat himself up occasionally thinking about how ignorantly blissful he had once been before his village was destroyed, before he met an Echo, before he fought Proximus and came out a Leader without any idea of how to lead. He sighed deeply, your eyes following the intense motion of his shoulders rising and then falling more aggressively. Noa figured there was more to your statement, you left it open for a reason. 

“Death could mean a lot of things.” Turning his head towards you, eye contact was flurried as it so often was. Falling in line with the idea of trust yet taking complete hold. Noa brought his envy colored eyes back forward on a tree in front of him once again, though you were admittedly searching to look into his irises for a basis of how he wanted you to answer. “We Humans,” Sighing gently, you lifted your body and trailed in closer to him, finally dropping to your knees beside him. Noa did not react to that, but watched with acute focus as you drew your hand into the water and began mimicking his own hand movements. To the right, to the left. Against the current, with the current.

“We have a saying. That Death brings new beginnings. It’s probably a really outdated saying, but…” Shrugging your shoulders, Noa felt a shuddering in your heart beat as he gazed upon your neck, watching your jugular strain to find comprehension and words. Tears were being forced back, your lips being wetted by your tongue as you stood promptly, leaving him wondering if he had just seen a glimmer of vulnerability within you. How odd not to seek comfort when obviously pained, Noa drew his teeth together at your finishing phrase.

“I’d like to believe that’s true.”

Noa did too.

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Three Months, he told Eagle Sun with his eyes, letting his hand press against the undercarriage of the bird. You had been gone for three months and no matter how many times he pressured himself and challenged his mind to not think about you, Noa found it impossible. Even the most simple and ever-day living tasks where flooded with recollections. He hated the feeling that it left him. Hollow and swallowed out, like the walnuts that rested in twine against his cross-body bag.

Desolate and barely even comprehensible. His days were torn into politics, many meetings with the Elders as Noa accepted he needed to learn about their customs and engrain himself in them for his fellow Apes, for the future. He even went as far as to invite Soona with him on some days, just for the company.  Never Anaya, he was not into politics and thought most of the Elders got crazier with age. Days were drawn to a close when he’d return to the birds, placing Eagle Sun happily upon his perch and caressing his small head in the fitted garment to help him sleep for the night. 

This particular evening was mild, the breeze shooting in through the open room relaxing enough and it bristled against his fur delectably as he plucked a few blue feathers from Sun. Small beady eyes stared at him intently as he did it, Noa making a snide comment towards his feathery companion, “I do not know why you look at me like this,” His voice was soft but held animosity around the corners, especially on certain and inflicted words, “I set her free. You should be… Happy… For Clan, no Echo to bother us anymore. Apes… Can prosper without being… torn down.” 

Like he was expecting an answer, he paused and brought his head down to inspect Sun’s wing a bit more closely. There was something in his wing, something slick. Must have gotten too close to something that was sticky and Noa found it amazing that his bird was even able to make the venture home as he tilted his broad body and grasped a cloth to---

That smell.

Noa’s brow ridge secluded itself from the rest of his expression as it was drawn inwards, his entire head dropping to get a bit closer to what was on Sun’s wings to inspect further. Eyes pressed together tightly as he tried to get his vision to focus in the dim lighting that was provided by the dying fire in the middle of the enclosure, often left to die on its own once Noa wrapped his duties off and trailed towards the communal nest for rest. Never enough rest, but just enough to get him through his days agonizingly. 

If he was tired, it did not leave much energy to think about Echo, he was throwing chips into a game he had never played before as he lightly placed his fingers along the under wing span of Sun who let him do what he needed, either intentionally or out of submission, Noa was unsure but moved forward. From the breast of the bird and then outwards, tickling the tips of his feathers delicately. The smell itself was familiar in nature, something Noa was able to place only once or twice since the agreement was made and then faltered and you left him alone. Bringing his body into a straight position, Noa’s hand rose with his actions and he was able to see the gleam on the tips of his fingers. Green eyes were dilated, mouth falling ajar. 

Red. 

Not as red as freshly spilled blood and it was cold, but there was no denying. Noa was slow to rise, looking at Eagle Sun who innocently pushed his head to the side inquiring what his Master was now going to do with the information given. Noa cursed inside of his head the only way he knew how. Scolding the bird, it was the bird's fault he did not tell Noa! Then, rationally hit him once he realized that the bird could not speak and thus… Gave Noa context clues.

“Where is she?” He asked, Sun flapping his wings ardently once, twice, Noa felt the breeze of his wings against his face, “Hurt?” Eagle Sun flapped again, giving a small squawk of confirmation. 

Noa was fast - he needed to get a horse prepared, knowing that he had given you his own. Anaya’s would work, it was faster than Soona’s from the aspect that Anaya really pushed his to be the fastest of the bunch as to lead them when they were out together as a trio. Raising his hand, blood smeared into the fur of his shoulder as he beckoned Eagle Sun with a pat, the bird all too eager to fly the short distance and land himself there, talons grasping Noa tightly but not so much so that he was bleeding but he wished that were the case as to spare him the ideas, the visuals of you, frail and weak in the wilderness, your blood sept around your frame and leaving the most beautiful but most heart-shattering visual of your body imprinted in the mud. 

“Need to find… her.” Noa told Sun in rushed silence. “Do not… Wake Anaya… Soona… Do not know I sent her away,” He gasped, turning on his feet and shuffling to grasp a speared staff, a dagger of sorts that was slid into his front waist sitting sack. “Would… be… unforgiving of Noa… If she is dead.”

Saying it felt awful, leaving an iron-like taste in his mouth that began to dwindle with the scent of your blood hitting the back of his throat. Guilt could reach up and consume him, Noa knew that. He could stop his movements now and decide that… You were dead and going out to find you would garner him nothing other than momentous pain and agony for years to come.

Squeezing his eyes shut, he slammed one of his fists against his thigh and grunted at the dulled vibration that brought to his muscles. Dead or alive, Noa needed to find you. He needed it. He was not afraid. He was, by the highest Eagle in the sky, the long forgotten Elders that were no longer spoken of but still remained in their culture through teachings, the Master of the Birds, and he feared nothing, not even fear itself. 

Eagle Sun seemed to understand the concepting of stealth as he was quiet  upon his Master’s shoulders as Noa drew down the spiraling walkway. Quickened pace, but light on his feet for his weight, Noa dropped immediately to all fours the moment he hit dirt and pushed his body as quickly as it would take him. You were dead, he convinced himself of that, because if you were alive and he found you then at least he could garner some satisfaction. There was none in death, he realized, no satisfaction if he found you not breathing and if he convinced himself that it was that way from the beginning, he didn't need to rack himself with guilt that he was unable to get to you in time. 

Time… Noa snapped bitterly at himself, if he had just given it more time, you’d still be here… With him… Such a foolish thing to do, sending you off on your own. Noa was too proud to admit it for the three months he spent dwelling about it and he was in the deeper throes of self-agonizing hatred that he realized it now, too late. He no longer wanted to spend night after night alone in the Eagle Enclosure, never wanting to admit to even his own Mother that he was plagued with guilt from the loss of his Father and then the loss of you. Noa came to a skidded stop upon arrival at the horse paddock, raising a hand for Eagle Sun to soar into the sky as he grasped Anaya’s horse by the reins and pulled him gently out of his slumber and into the dimly lit stable. 

Good, Noa thought to himself in the scramble, unable to contain the shake of his fists and the twitching that was ravaging his face, Anaya forgot to take the saddle off just like Noa anticipated. Lazy Ape to the rescue, he thanked his friend's personality for that one and trailed outwards, horse in tow. 

There was a distant neigh coming from the East. 

Noa looked up upon that, thinking for a split second that it had been Anaya’s horse protesting being woken up in the middle of the night. Or… Impossible, Noa scolded his wishful thinking, heart racing inside of his chest as he grasped the saddle with one arm, and with one intended swoop of his big frame, he got himself perched upon the animal. Sliding his spear into a purposefully built sheath on the side of the horse, he grasped the reins tightly and prepared to depart at mind-numbing quickness but was torn away from another neigh, this one a bit closer. 

The call was recognizable now. His horse. Frantic, feet beating into the ground and brought shards of Earth up upon impact, harder than Noa’s heart was beating against his ribs which was a feverish pace and left his organs beckoning for a break. No, Noa said. He was going to push himself to the very brink of death if he had to, just to make up for a biased choice that he should have never made out of not understanding the actual implications of the last conversation you had together. Pained, he knew how it felt to run against the hard ground, he suddenly felt empathy for his horse, how afraid she was. Noa tried to keep himself calm but to no avail. He was afraid. He was the Master of the Birds and he was afraid. 

Squinting his eyes towards the sound now, he shuffled Anaya’s horse just a bit to get them to calm down as his own came barreling through the trees and into the field adjacent to where Noa was. Instinctively, Noa was fast to dismount Anaya’s animal and raced towards his own, struggling to get the reins in his hands. Eagle Sun screeched in the air. 

The smell of your blood was hitting every one of his senses now like you were bleeding out right in front of him, his glance spotting the nature of your items still locked in the carriers near the rear of the horse. Given the framed light of the fire stakes around the village and the dimness that he got from the very stars above, Noa was able to see a fresh hand-print of blood atop the brown stallion, right at the cusp of where you needed to grip to get on.

He drifted towards the saddle itself. Blood upon the notch in the front that was also the pressure point you grasped on to. This was smeared, like you had tried to get on but were dragged off before you could get situated. Swallowing hard, he couldn’t put any logic to it other than you had tried to mount her, tried to get away from whatever attack was placed on you and were unable. Realization hit him harder than intended, Noa went flurrying. You couldn’t even get mounted on the horse! You were so weak and injured you couldn’t find it in yourself to get on top so she could bring you back to the Clan. Back to Home. Back to… Him.

Finally, after an intricate dance and having to calm his horse down with words of recognition that they had no means to be afraid any longer, Noa grasped their muzzle in with a tight hold and brought his other hand to the reins. Ceremoniously, his forehead touched the horses before crackling took hold on his ears and petted the side of their head to get them to calm down. Ho stupid Noa was to let you go… How stupid… Immature now… That he… Let you die… A straggled sound left his throat, incredibly guttural in nature and he roared, not a care in the world anymore if he woke up the entire village, the entire valley, the entire Earth. 

He did this to himself. 

●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・●・○・

“Do you know what love is?”

Noa’s intense focus on his hands, tightly balling together a piece of twine as he needed to fix Eagle Sun’s mask, was drawn towards you at the draw of your words as you had been lingering near him in the utmost silence, watching as he finnicked around thinned twine with his thicker fingers. Given --- In the three months that you had now been with the Clan, he did not find you much of a talker but he still held on hope that you would eventually warm up to him and finally feel comfortable to say something outside of the realm of the conversations that he always sparked.

 This--- Noa tilted his head minutely, looking at the curve of your lips as you formed the questions, freshly imprinted in his mind as he innately thought that Echo lips were intensely interesting, able to tell many emotions from just that part of the body before he was drawn back into the question, this was new, Noa noted with piqued interested and a small bit of untangled pride hit his abdomen uncomfortably making him shift in his seated position. Noa pressed his lips together into a rather flat line as he contemplated your inquiry. 

“Describe to me.”

It was your turn to find his words encapsulating in every sense of the word. You knew how he talked to Soona and Anaya - Always flirtatious it seemed, brimmed with happiness, jokes and laughter. This was different, the direction of his phrasing that he used with you. Attentive to your emotions, he knew when to use certain inflictions, when to joke and when to soothe if needed. He…

Drawing your bottom lip inwards, Noa watched it for a second and let a small huff leave his nose, he was intuitive. Incredibly so that you felt a small swell of indescribable pressure lingering in your lower navel, right below your belly button as you wanted him to look at you again. He was only intuitive out of need, not want and you needed to convince yourself of that as your stares at each other were becoming more prolonged, you began yearning on the days with Anaya and Soona who had taken to you and began teaching you how to sign that Noa would help you instead. 

Shifting in your seat, you looked off in the distance, trying to find a fixed point where your mind was able to wash itself of the idea that you might start caring for him if he showed even the slightest interest in you. This, after all, you calmed yourself down and drew in deep breaths, was an agreement made to benefit you both. No emotional ties, in fact, Noa often reminded you that you were indeed free to go but you stayed. The reason was not clear, but you found yourself eager in the morning to him to draw you away.

 Your fingers flicked in your lap as you heard Noa growl something to himself along the lines of ‘I cannot get this to stay knotted’ and you watched another fruitless attempt as he started over again, drawing your attention his his mouth when he placed the twine onto his tongue and then pressed his fingers against it to get it to flatten and not fray around the edge. “I---” You stumbled over yourself, suddenly unprepared for the retort that you had gotten. He had to have known what it was… Right? There was love within the Apes. He obviously loved Soona and Anaya, great friends, his Mother, even to an extent, the Elders that he sparsely talked about, and even less known to you was his actual relationship with his Father. “I don’t really know how…”

“Then why ask?” Noa almost sounded amused, his muzzle protruding out a bit in focus as he brought the twine close to his face and bent it into a small circle. Almost… Almost… Growling again, he placed the item down on the bench in front of him and took a deep breath in. 

“I guess its like a bond.” You explained in layman terms. You knew he’d understand, letting your gaze fall on the Eagle that was always watching Noa with the power of a thousand Suns. Maybe, you giggled in your mind and nodded slightly, that’s where his name came from. “Mutual… Respect.” It was your turn to choose your words carefully as you were unsure of which he knew of and which you were going to need to explain, putting a pin in the whole beginning question and going down a deeper rabbit hole.

 “Trust. Affection,” Pausing at that one, you expected Noa to respond with another ‘what is that’ but he didn't, letting his green eyes flush against the twine in front of him as he was very obviously processing what you were saying. “It’s… A feeling. Like, you can’t live without something, like… Thinking about the thing makes you feel…” You touched your chest, right where your heart sat and Noa found that interesting. 

He narrowed his eyes on it as you pattered your fingertip against your heart beat and for a moment of drawn out fantasies, he imagined himself placing his hand there before the shock of his thoughts came barreling down on him when he took note of how your skin seemed to glow in the sun peeking in through the roofing made of thin pieces of woods tied together. Echo skin, he said, always so fragile in itself. Squishy, it appeared. Noa looked away again, puffing his cheeks out. Nothing in him told him to keep looking but he wanted to just in the morbid nature that maybe he could feel your skin with his eyes.

“It makes you feel alive.” Noa’s face contorted into perplexity. He… Was alive. Right then and there as blood pounded through his body from his heart. All the way down to his toes and to the very tips of his finger. Echo phrasing, he scolded you inside of his mind, never made sense. Stupid allegories. 

“Alive?”

“Like you’re an Eagle soaring through the toughest storm to get home to your family.”

Noa nodded, still not quite understanding but willing to accept that that’s what love was to you. 

●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・●・○・

Green eyes dilated into black upon the sight of flames erupting from the woods. Not the actual trees themselves, but… From the gait and bounce, it was someone on horseback. A group on horseback. Four, Noa was able to detect as they came to the cusp of the woods and made themselves known. Echo.

Noa’s stomach hurdled like he was going to get sick, flashing back to the night that he was too terrified to face his own Death when Sylva’s… Proximus’ hand came down on his village and destroyed them, ripping the very foundations of the clan and customs into shreds, only now a year later have they finally learned to prosper and to be unafraid of the nights that surrounded tem. Noa was unable to face it then, unable to get there quick enough to warn. His hands balled into a fist as Anaya came on his right side, followed moments later by Soona who was asking what happened - Having heard the shattering roar Noa released less than a minute ago. 

Soona’s question wasn’t worth an answer as her eyes trailed where Noa was watching, the overpowering scent of blood mixed with sadistic means came to flourish against all their noses, a powerful waft from the Echo that had just arrived. Without hesitation, hackles arose along their body, fur bristling to the brim at the arrival. You--- Noa snarled, hunching his shoulders more aggressively as he released his horse. You brought Echo! 

After all this time… You were still just a disgusting low… Human. Noa growled again, baring his fangs as he tore his gaze between the Echo in front of him.  What was he expecting? A bed full of roses, you laying right in the middle of it? No! His mind yelled at him, scratching at the inside of his skull as aggression started to unfold. He was surely a dumb Ape, your words not his, to even comprehend that there was ever any good in you. His horse fled, going towards Anaya’s for comfort. The pair touched noses with each other, Noa saw it out of the corner of his eye but the affection made him all the more rigid with carnal and defensive strides. His breathing was hard, still through his nose and he sensed his friends next to him hunch onto all fours, ready to defend and attack when Noa gave the word. Soona thought for a second - she was able to go grasp her sling and a few rocks to inflict more damage, but she’d be okay using her teeth, hands and brute strength. Anaya was more than okay with the same premise as Soona, but did entertain the notion of grasping the spear from his horse that Noa had grabbed earlier. 

“We brought your little pet home.” 

Noa thought they were alluding to his horse, letting his eyes flicker to her for a moment before he was thrusted back into the Echo in front of them, their pace steady and slow as the horses trotted inwards towards the Clan. There was laughter from a female behind the male who was leading the pack as she twisted her body, contorting enough to light one of the huts on the outskirts, this one used for making threads and cloths, ablaze with the touch of the torch. Noa lurched at that, going only two feet forward as he barked at them, a bid to get them either to stop or to submit. Their choice. But, the option of not stopping was always an option and it appeared they were choosing that.

 ‘Two females, two males.’ Noa signed silently at Soona and Anaya who gave each other an understanding gaze. Always a benefit of knowing signs. You had the advantage of silent communications. 

The male, stocky in build, Noa decided was going to be the first to take down. Take down the Leader, the rest are sure to follow and he knew that from experience. The man’s horse --- Noa would be able to take the feet down or he could lunge straight at the Echo atop the animal, the muscles in his thighs tightened in anticipation. 

“Oh,” He laughed this time, watching the crackling flame of the hut that had been set on fire with acute and smiling eyes. Amused. Noa’s brow drew in on itself at the reaction, head tilting to the side. “You think I mean the horse.” 

Fauxly, he slapped his forehead and with a raise of his hand, alerting the three Apes to adverse danger, the man snapped his fingers, the sound mixing with the reverb from the flames themselves “Almost forgot. Horses are your equals, I was talking about this delectable little fireball.” 

You came into vision, being trailed by a female and a male on foot. 6 in total now, they had been obscured by the rest of the party. Feet sliding against the ground, arms dangling as that was the appendage you were being dragged along by.  Noa was able to see the blood that was dancing behind you from both of your calves, mouth suddenly going dry at that. It was apparent from the bobbing of your head, forwards only, back and forth like you were looking at the ground and nodding, that you were unconscious. 

“You know, I didn't think you Apes kept humans as pets? Did you teach her any good tricks?” The smile was arrogant and dripping with implications that Noa himself did not fully understand. 

Noa looked for a sign that you were breathing anything--- He yearned just to see the shape of your shoulders rising and falling but as you were literally dragged out as a display, it was hard to garner your movements versus the rough handling you were brought forward with. “Hard to tell if this one is yours though, no collar or anything to bring it back to its owner.” 

You were grasped by your hair and brought upwards to dangle, your toes barely scraping the ground, face finally coming to fruition for Noa to see and he… Wished he hadn’t. There were cuts along your chin and lips, swelling along your right eye and a pretty deep gash along the left of your cheek, from a weapon of sorts Noa had to figure it was not made by the usual tussling of fighting with hands. “ It’s a really pretty one, I hate to give it back, you know, with humanity dying and such…” Noa had no idea he had even stopped breathing upon seeing you, his breath falling out of his nose hard at the first exhalation he had at the last minute. There was crested blood along your hairline, presumably from a blunted weapon that caused you to black out, mixing grotesquely with mud and twigs from the ground below. You had fought, it was evident in the scratches he could see on your knuckles and some on the softer nature of your palms.

He had… done this… Noa drew in a bit more, a foot this time and tried to find your eyes but they were sealed shut from intense swelling. Subconsciously, upon feeling your hair getting tugged so hard, your lip did twitch giving a minor indication to him that you were alive. Noa saw nothing but red once he gauged your body and looked upwards towards the man, saliva licking inside of his mouth in preparation of sinking his canines into the Echo’s neck. 

“We don’t really kill other humans, hope you understand why we didn't finish the job. She’s all yours.”

You were tossed forward, lifelessly sitting only a meter in front of Noa now. Nothing more than a heap of tangled and ripped clothing, your fingernails coated in mud from the desperation you felt trying to crawl away from the attack on your legs. He watched it, the way your body crunched onto the ground below with an absolutely stomach churning sound. His lips parted, he knew that Anaya and Soona were questioning Noa’s motives, it becoming more and more clear that he had let this happen and as a consequence, Echo were now here to take what they wanted. 

‘Soona,’ Noa signed, looking over at her from his periphery. She tensed at the attention that was called to her as he got her full eyes on him with a click of his tongue. His signing was fastened and blurred, but it got the point across. ‘Grab my Echo.' Noa felt assured in that. His. ‘Take some place safe, then get Mother and help others to safety.’

Noa was prepared this time, his chest swelling as he looked over towards his other friend as Soona hunched onto all fours, cautious at first as she grasped hold of you, able with her enhanced strength to actually hike you up and trail somewhere. Anywhere. Noa watched with anticipation as you were taken by Soona, away into the woods somewhere in hopes that you would be alright. Just like you had said to him so long ago… Like an Eagle flying through the toughest storm… You were home, just not the way that Noa wanted.

‘Anaya, with Noa. Wait for command. Anaya go right.' Noa tilted his head and studied the man in front of him.

'I go right.'

●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・●・○・ TAGLIST:

@ohwaitimthewriter @hera-annwn @saturnnie-03 @filliandkili

@hadesbabygurl @supergoat12 @moonchild1433

@kaenalsha @unsteady-bitch @whamsworld

@yummyfanta @nuhteyam @babylockley @edynmeyer1  @callsignwidow  @moonlightnyx

[artdcnaldson]

alright so in relation to the thing where art shows pats sister porn videos as like "inspiration" for things they're gonna do together, aka he's slowly corrupting her by normalizing these things for her. so i have 2 additional ideas for this, am gonna send them seperately and then you can just pick what you wanna do first, cuz the order is really not important.

so 1st idea: so maybe he gets really into the idea choking her, cuz we all know, well-established, that he loves to feel that power over her. and it starts as just like a way he wants to keep her in place, so he starts sending her like porn videos where its concluded, just like a lose hand around the girls throat. maybe its not even a real grip in the first ones, just a caress? just to get her into it, not that she wouldnt do anything he asks anyway. but slowly the videos gets rougher, maybe it leans slightly into breathplay too, akin to plugging her nose, but like still on the gentle side. but she likes it, not just seeing it, she likes when he does it. it feels good to have him grip her, feels good to get lightheaded, maybe she even gets off on him controlling whether she gets to breathe for not…. so he keeps doing it.

and one day he loses himself a bit, he had a bad day on the court, lost a game he should've won in his sleep, so he's pissed off. but he decides that the best way to get it out is to fuck her pussy, just really pounding her, bullying her little cervix. honestly it's a miracle if she can walk tomorrow. and as he's abusing her little cunt he has a firm hand around her throat, they've done this many times before.

but he's so lost in himself and getting his anger out he forgets to really focus on her and she ends up getting lightheaded from him squeezing too hard. but with his other hand over her mouth to cover moans she cant tell him to ease up. she ends up passing out (briefly), it's nothing serious shes fine really, but it freaks him out deeply and unlocks a more tender side to him and his true care for her. it really was never his intention to hurt her, its different from when he first slapped her, where he also felt awful, but could tell right away that she was okey and into it. this time she just kind of goes limp under him for a minute, and it scares the living shit out of him, because he cant communicate with her right away. he cant check that shes okey beyond check her pulse and breathing, but hes like crying and cradling her when she wakes up.

he has to spend the rest of the evening holding her tight to him and assuring her that he never meant to hurt her. it takes her ages to try to get him back into gently choking her, cuz she really did like it. but hes too scared hes going to hurt her again…

again not super slutty, but i just love love y'all!!!! i need them to be in looooooooove <3

-🐞

GODDDD my babies <3 I’ve abandoned them for too long <3

He knows you have a thing for his hands, it’s why he isn’t surprised you’re so willing when he starts sending you the choking videos. You’re always playing with his fingers absently, tangling his hand with yours, smiling all giddy and sweet when he wraps a hand around your thigh. You fucking love them— he sees you staring at them so much. So of course your eyes light up when he actually wraps his hand around your throat, just resting it there for the first few times, until you get impatient and put your hand on top of his, until you make him squeeze.

He should’ve known better than to try it after the match against Columbia, when he kept double faulting and missing returns that should’ve been easy. Every time he hit into the net it just made it worse and worse. He didn’t smash his racket, which was a miracle, because he wanted to. He wanted to squeeze the hilt in his palm and hit and hit until it shattered.

You were there, because of course you were— in Stanford tennis tee shirt so tight that it had to have been from the children’s section. With black eyeliner, you’d written a pretty A on your cheekbone for him. He’s snapping at you, rolling his eyes like every word you say is a huge inconvenience. You’re infuriating him by being so nice, by coddling him.

Sitting on his bed, legs crossed beneath you. “You played so well, Art, really. He was just a really good competitor, and now you know where you need to improve for next ti—“

“Can you just shut the fuck up?” He snaps, and you swallow hard, but nod.

He’s mad. Of course he’s mad, he lost. But you can help! You always know exactly what he needs. Slowly, you peel your shirt off, and he swears under his breath as your bare tits are revealed to him— the prettiest fucking sight in the world. And you don’t say anything as you strip, like you both already know where this is going to go. Just tug off your jean shorts and panties and lay back on his bed.

“You can take it out on me.”

And he does. You’re already wet, because you always get wet when he’s mean to you, but it’s not enough to make you comfortable without prep. You whine and dig your nails into his shoulders as he stuffs you full of his cock without bothering to get you ready for it. “Just fuckin’ take it—“ You pant and try to relax, to open yourself up for him as he fucks into your cunt.

You’re loud— you’re always so fucking loud— he just needs you to shut the fuck up for one goddamn second and let him cum. It hurts and you’re whimpering, babbling and squeezing him with your tight little pussy. With each moan and grunt that escapes him, you get fucking wetter, you get louder.

The second his hand wraps around your throat, your eyes roll back and the prettiest moan escapes your lips. He tightens his grip and your cunt squeezes him, sucks him in deeper.

“Jesus, you’re a fucking slut for it, huh? You want it harder?” You nod, eyes half-lidded and hazy. Your moans are choked and pathetic until he covers your mouth with a heavy hand over your mouth, muffling every whimper and gasp behind a thick palm.

He watches your lashes flutter with each rough thrust into your cunt. He should’ve known when your grip on his shoulders went lax, when your soft moans went quiet. He feels it when you lose consciousness, when your arms drop by your side and you go completely limp beneath him, eyes rolling back behind your lids, lips parted and unmoving.

He panics immediately, slapping your cheeks softly, trying to rouse you back into consciousness. “C’mon,” he says softly, popping your cheek. “Hey, wake up—“

You’re still breathing, he knows that, at least. And he has the decency to pull out while you’re passed out, not that he can stay hard when he’s so fucking scared that you’re going to hate him. You’re warm in his lap, and he feels your heart thrumming beneath his palm as he holds you. You look so peaceful, so soft and young. He knows then why Patrick never wanted this— he was always going to fucking hurt you eventually.

It takes barely over two minutes for you to wake up, but it feels like a fucking lifetime. Your brows furrow and you blink slowly, bleary. There’s a scratchiness in your voice that fucking kills him. “Mmm… sorry—“ you manage. “Didn’t mean to.”

It kills him. Really fucking kills him. “No it’s my fault, I was… that was fucking horrible.”

“No, Art, it’s fine. I told you to take it out on me.” You give a weak smile. “Did you cum, At least?”

Art knows he’s a bad person. He wishes he was better, that he didn’t corrupt you to this extent. He wants you to have a normal crush on a normal boy who wouldn’t dream of taking you to that point. He wants you to care about your own body more than you care about whether or not he got off. He hates the way you worship him as much as he can’t live without it.

[ladymoody]

RED LIPSTICK

mattheo riddle x fem!reader

︎warnings: flirty, alcohol, smoke, drugs, throwing up, swearing, breast cupping, possessive behavior.

word count: 1,3k

. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ masterlist ; playlist ; characters list ; my website

it’s september again, a not-so-hot-month anymore, yet not cold yet. I was walking with blaise, wearing my favorite leather jacket and my hair down, a bit messy. we were heading towards draco’s manor where he was used to throwing huge parties for the slytherins and of course, he had invited us.

it was about midnight, and the streets were almost empty. blaise was walking beside me on the roadside sidewalk, protectively trying to keep an eye on passing cars.

“are you going to get high?” he asked.

“maybe. you?”

“is that even a question? malfoy hasn’t made a decent party for years, of course, I’m gonna take the opportunity.”

blaise chuckles, knowing that I will have ended up wasted like always and he will have needed to carry me to my room again.

(time skip)

the lights were flashing, enough to make you dizzy and confused. blaise and I were used to it, but the loud music tested our limits — I’ll admit that.

“grab my hand.” he said as he started to make his way into the thick crowd. I took his hand and I followed him, merging with the sweaty and dancing people. I could smell the alcohol and the smoke and I couldn’t wait to get drunk and forget.

blaise spotted draco and waved at him, draco saw us and approached us as well.

“zabini, y/l/n. welcome.” draco said.

draco and blaise chatted a bit as if I wasn't desperate to touch alcohol, and seeing them casually having a conversation with this loud music was annoying me more and more.

I started watching the crowd, checking if I could find any other friend of mine that I could leave blaise for, and there our gazes met. mine and mattheo's.

god, I hated that man.

everybody knew him, and I knew him too, maybe even too well for someone who hadn't had a proper conversation with him — but rumors spread quickly, and I knew for sure that he was a bad influence.

I saw him stop dancing, he was rubbing against a girl that I didn't know but she didn't look as if she minded, and he started walking toward me. not even a second passed without him breaking the eye contact with me and I was getting uncomfortable.

he had a drink in his hand and his usual cut across the bridge of his nose, he greeted blaise.

I didn't know why I was so disappointed but I thought he would come up to me. I knew we didn't talk much, yet somehow I had hoped for him to have a word with me instead of his usual male friends.

"what's up, zabini." they started chatting, and I couldn't help espy his eyes so lingering and magnetic.

"sorry, what was your name again?" he finally shifted his gaze on me and I felt a shiver running down my spine as his eyes laid on my lips.

"y/l/n. y/n yl/n." I said and he simply nodded, getting his attention back to blaise. this time I noticed how he stole more looks at me, maybe he didn't like my presence there.

mattheo and I met many times, yet shared so few words. the only time we talked was for a divination project — he was my deskmate and mrs. trelawney paired us. mattheo didn't really work with me and left all the work to me while was probably fucking around. I recall us organizing a meeting to work together but he never showed up.

I decided to go look for pansy, my best friend, and see how she was doing.

"excuse me." I mutter as I leave my friends to merge into the crowd. it was so hard trying to spot a brown-haired girl in a room full of flashing colored lights and people moving around everywhere, but somehow I managed to find her eventually.

"pansy!" I called her out and she turned around, immediately smiling at the sight of me approaching her.

we hugged and talked for a bit, then she led me towards the alcohol.

(skip time)

my vision was corrupted by the amount of vodka drunk and weed smoked, I couldn't stop laughing with pansy as we literally took turns throwing up in the toilet.

"how are we still fucking alive...?" pansy panted, grinning.

"I don't know, but I swear this is the last time I'm getting this wasted... it's too much and the idea of smoking joints while drinking wasn't the best, huh?"

"oh sorry for trying to indulge your urge to get completely vulnerable and plastered."

I rolled my eyes, and then the women's restroom door opened wide. I couldn't perfectly see who it was, but I could tell by the manly figure that it wasn't a girl.

"oh sorry, ladies." a familiar voice said. mattheo? as pansy started to puke in the toilet again, I stood up from the cold floor and walked to him to have a better view.

"what the fuck? this is the girl's restroom." I said, stumbling to get to him.

he chuckled and smirked at the sight of me being that drunk and goofy, but I could tell he wasn't so sober either.

"I got confused. I drank a bit and couldn't see the sign on the door." he casually said, incredibly close to me.

and there something inside of me lit up. I didn't know what it was, but the way he spoke to me, finally shifting his attention on me, looking at me with those big brown eyes of his and his innocent face — and mattheo was everything but innocent — made me feel... attracted by him.

"you're here all alone, y/n?" his voice snapped me back to reality, the way he remembered and said my name was almost electrifying.

"there's pansy-" I couldn't finish my sentence as his hand reached out to brush a strand of my hair off my face. I just looked at him confused, captivated, and needy.

I realized at that moment that I wanted him, even casually, but I did.

"why that red lipstick?" he asked, a hint of anger in his voice.

"it matched the outfit."

"it doesn't suit you." he bitterly said. I was puzzled and slightly offended until he added something more.

"I'll ruin it for you." he said before crashing his lips to mine.

what the fuck. that’s what I thought. I had always thought of him as the “womanizer” and the type of guy that will use you, leave you, and think he owns you but still not want anything serious. he was somehow famous in the school and I hated him, but maybe the alcohol made me a bit bolder, a bit less of a thinker, and I just found myself not pulling away from his lips.

he pushed me backward as he kissed me, his hands firmly gripping my hips as he pulled them towards his. I backed against a door, opening it with our weight and stepping in.

mattheo’s hands were now wrapped around my waist and my arms around his neck. he forced me against the wall and kept devouring my mouth. it wasn’t a sweet kiss, it was more an angry kiss as if he was letting all his anger out on me. I wasn’t complaining, though.

his right hand started to wander under my top, getting to my bra and cupping my breast to squeeze it hard. I let out a moan at his gesture, and he immediately broke the kiss.

“wear less makeup next time,” he said as he pulled away, opened the door, and headed towards the restroom exit. my lips were now swollen from the intensity of the kiss, and my red lipstick was almost fully gone. I stood there in confusion, looking at him with a mix of lust, anger, and disappointment.

damn.

[howdoesagrapewrites]

This is my first time requesting lmaoo

A fanfic where reader is trying to break up with pavitr and gayatri because its starting to get toxic but ends up getting kidnapped by both of them or where reader escaped and is trying to ask for help to the police but gayatri’s dad gives her back to them

(I love your yandere pavitr and gayatri ‼️‼️)

𝘽𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙 𝙗𝙮 𝙬𝙚𝙗𝙨

Cw: kidnapping, emotional abuse, reader x lovesick!Pavitr Prabhakar x lovesick!Gayatri Singh, police corruption, suicidal thoughts, stockholm syndrome, gaslighting

The last weeks, or had a month passed already? Perhaps many months, but anyway, lately, things felt like a fever dream, one day you came back to your shared apartment to an argument, and next thing you know, you're being chased through the city and being forbidden from leaving your home.

Gayatri had missed work ever since that day, refusing to leave your side, you heard her over the phone saying she was taking care of a mentally unbalanced loved one, you were so mad, but god knows you don't have the strength to have any more "arguments" with any of them, you learned it doesn't do anything, at the end they'll always get the final word, you wonder if they actually believe you're the one that's "mentally unbalanced" and not them, you feel humiliated thinking about it, that they suffer as if you were the one that needed help, as if they were the victims.

No matter how much time went on, hating them, resenting them was never easy. You look into their faces, love filled expressions, and you remember all the times you felt like the luckiest person alive knowing they adored you even more than you could imagine. You remember the movie nights, the dates, the anniversaries, the cheesy nicknames and goofy antics you were up to, sneaking into Gayatri's room when you were in highschool, holding Pavitr's shoulders tightly as he swinged through the city with you in his arms, it always felt like a fairy tale, but now even more so, and not in a good way, not in the nice way.

You couldn't say one of them was "the worse one", they both had their ups and downs, they both made you suffer in their own way, Pavitr simply wouldn't let you go if you did something "bad" (like yelling at them, insulting them, insisting that you broke up with them, so you're not their partner anymore, breaking stuff, refusing to eat, the list goes on) he'd cling to you so hard he was suffocating you, all his body weight pressed into you, keeping you against the floor or the matress, and no matter how much you screamed, cried, kicked or insulted him, he won't let you go, sometimes he cried with you and tried to apologize, telling you he doesn't deserve you, but he simply can't leave you, other times he'd shush you and kiss your face and neck, even if you injured him or tried to bite him, and he'd whisper sweet nothings and "it's okay", "I know you don't mean that", "just calm down, everything is okay, no one will hurt you" but they will. And it worked many times, you'd try to forget reality and imagine you were back at your loving boyfriend's embrace, it was just a bad dream, and the would never hurt you the way they were doing just before. Sadly, you always woke up. Regularly you fantasized about dying like this, in their arms, with Gayatri singing lullabies and pecking your lips softly, and Pavitr cuddling you as the little spoon, you wouldn't have to cry ever again, just disappear into their warmth.

But you still had some self-preservation instinct left in you, and as much as you loved them, you had goals, and a life ahead of you, you still had the chance to escape from this living hell, from this cushion filled prison cell.

It took them months to trust you near the door, even if they already changed all the locks and had multiple other latches and protections so you wouldn't escape, it took you months to play nice and docile so they wouldn't suspect your real intentions, and you hated how comfortable you felt being their yes guy, natural it felt to say "I love you" and let yourself be pampered and rewarded for your good behavior, how much you enjoyed the feeling of Gayatri's velvet tongue in yours, while she lazily stroker your lower back, how playful bites and deep kisses in the morning made you submit completely to Pavitr, how much you loved cooking for them while they cuddled in the couch and told to hurry so you could join them. It was all part of your plan, right? And you couldn't possibly want to stay, right? .

"where are you going?" Pav asked in a sleepy voice

"to the bathroom, I'll be back, love" he didn't question further and rolled in the bed to go back to sleep

You walked in your tippy toes, carefully making your way to the bathroom, you close the door and lock it. You look at yourself in the mirror and realize how different your face looks from some time ago, where there was dark circles and break outs from the stress, now there's a considerably healthier complexion, smooth and soft lips instead of chapped and bitten, and no signs of puffy eyes due to excessive crying, you looked like you did before, but no matter if your skin agreed with your way of life, you wouldn't, you won't let these two monsters take your life away.

You stand over the toilet, and go out of the window, it's a third floor, you might not make it. You wanted to leave some sort of cushioning, but Pavitr would've seen it, so you close your eyes and let go, hoping to land in a way that won't leave you agonizing in the street. Before you touch the ground, you grab the edge of the window of the downstairs apartment, your nails hurt and you close your fists with all your strength so you don't fall, you look at the ground and notice now there's not much distance, you jump. It's painful, but you can go on.

You have money in the jacket you put on under your pajamas, enough to buy a ticket far away from Mumbattan.

You walk the streets to go to the train station, you look at the restaurants you used to go, the bus stop where you had to hide from the rain with Gayatri in middle school, you caught a cold and went in bed for a week, the stores you used to go with your friends back when you had them, the park, where Pavitr adopted a duck and you went to visit them so they wouldn't forget about him (in his words), the flower shop where the old lady would always tell on your partners and inform you they had something planned. All of the memories replaying in your mind, becoming one with the starry night, and fusing with eachother like a messed up watercolor paint, where did things went wrong? Did you ever made such a mistake that would trigger this? If it were your fault, you'd do anything to remedy this, anything to get your love, your life back, and even after all they put you through, it's still so hard to say goodbye. You keep remembering as you say farewell to Mumbattan entirely, to your parents, your friends, everyone you know. You look at the rooftops where you star gazed, the police station where Gayatri's dad let you go after you were caught shoplifting in a declaration of rebellion as a 14 year old. You stare, your mistake, you stare, and see captain Singh making eye contact with you, you want to run, but he lifts his hands in the air to show you he doesn't want to hurt you, you try to run but your legs don't respond, he reaches to you, and takes your hands in his.

"Are you okay?" Tears form in your eyes

"I'm- I'm not, I need to run, and I beg of you to act like a police officer helping a civilian who's running from abuse, please" you stutter and know you can't do anything, if you don't say anything, he'd surely take you back to his daughter and son-in-law, but there's the tiny chance he might listen to you

"I'll get you to safety, you can speak to me or with someone at the station when you're ready, I understand what you're going though, I believe you" he believes you, he believes you. You always knew Gayatri's dad to have a soft spot for you, to take care of everyone, to try and save the most helpless creatures, he was a good cop.

He gets you to the station and says he'll get someone to scort you to a shelter, you just sit looking at the floor, shaking and with your cheeks sticky from unwashed tears.

"They were walking disoriented in the streets, I brought them here before they could do anything dangerous" you heard him tell someone, you hear the other voice and you flinch. "Thank you dad, I'm so sorry, we were so worried" it's Gayatri. It's Gayatri. That's who he called, that's the person that will scold you to "safety".

You refuse to look at her when she approaches you.

You scream "I won't go back! It wasn't an impulse! I planned this, I-I have money, I planned this, I swear I'm lucid" you try and grab the cash from your pocket, but it's gone.

"It's okay, you can leave when you calm down, you'll be safe in your home until then" you can't even remember who said that, Gayatri, her dad, Pavitr, a police officer, they all say the same shit, they all think you're crazy.

The way home is a blur, like everything else, it feels like you blinked and now you're in your "home" again.

"You're a fucking monster" you say to Gayatri, poker face, you're not even sure if you have tears left to cry

But she certainly has, she cries, you don't know if it's sadness or frustration, or anger. "I may be a monster, but I'm not a fucking a liar, you think I'm cruel? We're cruel? You're worse. Whatever you have to say to us you can repeat it to the mirror, because we would never do this to you. We would never pretend to love you to leave you behind later, and the worse part of this bullshit you're pulling is that you know we'll forgive you. We never hurt you unless we have to, but you, you seem to enjoy it! To enjoy watching us bleed for you, is that what we need to do for you to stay?!" She stops to breathe "... I don't care what you think of us, but if we're monsters, then you are too, and you need to accept it."

Pavitr creeps behind you, and puts a hand on your chest, feeling your hitched breathing, he coos. "We're all one and the same, Y/N, we're meant to be together, I don't think you lied, I think you know that you love us, even if you're confused right now."

Confused? Confused. Maybe they're right, since you can't even settle what you're confused about.

[madelee]

Short lil' fanfic my dears

An impression of a shifting dynamic.

They learn as they become closer… Zim is at least.

His current state made it hard to heed Zim’s uncharacteristic plea— a plea born from newfound... empathy.

The Setup. All ready. Gripped tightly waiting for use.

Zim’s expression hardened, a rare seriousness taking over his usually overblown demeanor. 

“You can’t harm it, Dib.”

“YOU were the one that annoyed ZIM with your annoying— 'no harming others just because they bother us' –ANNOYINGNESSES!”. His voice was laden with the weight of never ending didacticism, of pesky moral codes THE DIB had been trying to drill into his head. 

“YOU said that we have to respect others 'Integrity', even if they’re… inconvenient.” Zim used that voice he knew Dib hated for mimicking him.

“—I’m NOT sounding like that… I —”

Dib’s face twisted with frustration, carelessness flaring up. “THIS IS DIFFERENT, ZIM!” 

“You can't understand this!” Belittlement. He promised to stop with that. “Understanding this creature could lead to... incredible discoveries!”  –Dad

Zim stepped closer. Eyes narrowing. His voice cold. intense. 

“Zim does understand.” Take me seriously

“You are the one that CORRUPTED Zim… with your pesky and RIDICULOUS human-morals.   Zim knows, if they apply to those dirty children, they apply to this…crypthingy too!” 

Overblown, clearly displeased with those newfound considerations 

Dib’s frustration grew, his words cutting deeper and deeper with each refusal to yield. 

Certainly going too far. Zim didn't understand...!

Zim, despite his own little history, stood firm, clutching at new principles like fragile lifelines. 

Now of all times?!

And then. Unexpectedly. 

in a moment both pivotal and precarious.  Zim uttered the words that shifted the WORLD between them.

“IF YOU MUST STUDY SOMETHING!  ZIM, would let you… study himself.” mumbled almost timidly. he DID understand 

Dib’s eyes widened.

breath catching as the implications sank in.

A loud clink sounding in the silence

Tool falling to the ground, forgotten. Unimportant. His hands lose. Shaking.

The air thick. 

Dibs gaze shifting. Something long and distant.   His eyes unfocused, but present. 

Always present. 

On Zim.

Zim was always so relentlessly defensiv about any investigations. Any exploration. Denying Dib again, and again.  

This was finally happening. Zim let him.  

Then suddenly— zeroing in.  

A predator to its prey.  Mad gleam, sharp edges.   The corners of his mouth tense with an overwhelming smirk. glee

Forgetting himself. again  His facade cracking... spilling free.     Tendrils grasping on his edges. Intensely. again  Dark eyes never wavering.  Big and black. Warm browns. gone 

Taking it all in. into... the black pits. Manic. Bordering on madness. Nothing new  

Getting kinda old Dib~ 

Ever true to himself.  Cruel in its intensity.  Staring Zim down. down. down... 

taking them both into the abyss 

"Yes" he whispered.   Followed by some incoherent mumbling. 

Ever true to his character.   

"You would let me."  A fact. Simply stated. Finally  Gaze never wavering.

Unyielding.

"We’re getting ready. Now."

.

.

.

.

 They settled on 'ZIMS arm only'. 

Zim wouldn't go down without a fight. a compromise still  

Dib didn’t really care.

"I'm gonna bind your arm" 

A pause. Awkward.

"So uhm, you can't pull away” He's wavering again. Shrill on the edges.  Voice breaking cracking... embarrassingly.   But there was no time for being hindered by such trivial things.   Embarrassment, being too much, it being too much. And never enough...   it all blurred together anyway.  

A scalpel glinted under the harsh lights. Dib’s hands steadied, driven by purpose. The first incision was slow, deliberate. 

Alien skin parting with a sickening ease. Child's play  Pink, unnatural hues.  Inhuman and oh so beautiful. 

Just like me 

Zim winced, but remained still, pride and pain mingling.  Afraid. 

Don't let it show 

Face stoic.  Cheeks discolored, giving it away, still. 

Just as excited. Just as overwhelmed.   

Praise tripping on Dibs tongue, "you're doing so good "  He was mumbling again.  

ever true to his character   Voice soft. unsettling.  These words were a lifeline, a twisted form of praise that Zim always soaked up, desperate for any form of validation.

From Dib    Dib.

Blood glistened, pooling around the wound. Dib’s eyes gleamed with an unsettling mix of curiosity and something darker still.  

His hands moved with precision. Cold and efficient. He felt so hot 

Something perverse 

Obscene and only for them 

Opening up, like the void.  

Pink and bleeding. Spilling. Quelling and overflowing. 

Oh the Sweet release 

[anundyingfidelity]

MEMORIES LOST — Jareth x ofc/fem reader. Ch. 1.

Summary: A mysterious woman falls into the Underground, claiming she does not have memories and not knowing why she is there. Jareth, who's bored and taking slight pity on her, takes her under his wing to ease some of his own misery. Post Labyrinth (1986).

Warnings: nudity, masturbation, voyeurism, manipulation, corruption, smut in general.

Word count: 1,377.

Note: female character is named Leah, but no physical characteristics (such as skin color, hair, eyes, etc.) are described on this story. Feel free to imagine how she looks like.

☕ if you like my writing, support me with a ko-fi !

This fanfiction is also posted in Ao3 under the name undyingfidelity.

Chapter 1. | Chapter 2. | Chapter 3.

Jareth remembered vividly that day when the woman fell to the Underground.

Sitting lonely on the oblong dark table by himself, he had dedicated the last minutes of his day to eat - almost against his will - the well-done dinner the goblins prepared specially for him. Defeated and feeling weak, Jareth spent the last months trying to forget everything about Sarah and her brother. It was ridiculous. How he had become this bored, shattered man on his own. Of course, his own goblins were kind of fools, easy enough to get them to do whatever he wanted, but it wasn't enough. Jareth swallowed a bite of the exquisite steak, and even if it was fair delicious, his mood often shattered down the smallest of the pleasures he still was able to enjoy as a King, including something as mundane as eating.

But that same night, a little old goblin quickly made his way to Jareth, squeaking and muttering unintelligible noises as if trying to say something but couldn't catch any of his babbling.

"What is it?" he questioned, rather annoyed.

"Majesty, Majesty! A woman! She’s fallen into the Labyrinth!"

A woman? He frowned. No, it couldn't be her. Sarah knew how to summon him and it was completely impossible for someone to enter just like that.

"Goblins found her, Majesty! You must come!"

Were the goblins sure it was really a woman? Worst, she might be even human. Jareth hesitated for a moment after remaining silent. He got on his feet quickly forgetting the dinner, scaring away his subject.

"Lead the way," he ordered.

The little creature guided Jareth to come to the Castle gates, where a small crowd was there murmuring and surrounding the so-said woman, who seemed to lie down on the hard concrete. Once the King appeared, the goblins started to make room for him to get closer to the lady. She was graciously asleep over some piled-up clothes that might have been improvised by the goblins to give her some sort of comfort on the hard ground, and a large beige gown adorned her figure as her chest rose in a calm way, just as the look on her face. How was this possible? He didn't know, but she was right there. He bent down slowly, taking better sight of her.

"Has she been asleep since you found her?"

"Yes, Majesty!" the goblin who guided Jareth said behind his back. "She's been sleeping like a log!"

Jareth came closer, prudent of each one of his moves, noticing a shiny necklace hanging around her neck preciously with a black pearl stone decorating her skin. Fascinated by it, his fingers brushed over the pearl softly. A soft breath went past the woman's lips, her eyes opening wide at the sudden touch. The goblin king backed up a little, letting the mysterious woman sit down in horrid, and before her, the quite grand number of creatures watching her attentively as she moved slowly, feeling eyes over her.

"Where am I?" she panted, looking at the man who looked as human as she did.

"This is the Goblin City, and you're trespassing my kingdom," Jareth explained to her. He was standing tall, towering over her and she looked at him from down below.

"How is it that I am here," she mumbled, holding a cry. Her eyes scanned her surroundings, the unknown place she fell on was strange and she started to feel she was unwelcome there.

The piercing eyes of the man were all scanning the woman, who was kneeling quietly before going to her feet.

"Where are you from?" Jareth questioned her, the globins made enough space around their king and their visitor so she could not escape in case she tried to.

"I- I don't know... I don't remember anything," she stammered, scared of the king.

Jareth tried to go over her mind and thoughts but found nothing, but a blank space and a word that might seem like a name, repeating constantly in her head.

"Do you have a name?"

The woman blinked and swallowed hard before speaking softly again.

"Leah."

Leah.

Leah.

Leah.

Her name was spinning in his head like it was the first time. Jareth took her to the castle after learning he could not read her mind nor find a single memory, which was certainly unusual. However, he felt some sort of compassion in his heart, and the sentiment was strong enough to make him decide to take her with him. Jareth let her settle down in one of the rooms he had and ordered the goblins to take whatever she needed. But as time grew, Leah found herself in debt after not doing more than the bare minimum - such as eating, cleaning her room, reading books from the library, and taking strolls in the city, or at least, what she could see from it.

Jareth wasn't really fond of Leah going out of the castle, but he understood she needed to go out for some time. After two days, she came in very happy of having encountered a new friend. Let's say Hoggle's name was not the best thing to hear for Jareth that day. He still had a bitter feeling over the dwarf, so knowing Leah had befriended him was not good news at all. But he let it slip away, just for her.

Days later, Leah found herself wanting to help in the castle, so she shyly asked Jareth for it. That's another thing he will never forget.

It was, perhaps, the third time in the five days she has been in the castle, that she had dinner with him. Leah normally would be very quiet, but she was right there sitting on the table some feet away from Jareth, asking if she was able to do some of the work along with the goblins.

"Are you getting bored?" Jareth simply asked, a light smirk forming on his lips.

Her face grew hot at his eyes lurking on her. "Maybe..."

"Tell me something you can offer me to have you working around," he told.

"I am interested in cooking, I can learn!"

Leah didn't know a single thing, more than her own name. Jareth tried to read her again after some time, and he just found her hesitant under his gaze. Jareth was very aware he was terrifying and he loved that, mostly because he spent years and years bored and defeated, but having Leah as a companion sometimes was interesting, just like that night.

"You can, certainly."

"Really?" the woman seemed to be taken by surprise.

"If that's what you want, you can go on. The goblins will help you with learning all you want to learn, and you can serve me."

"I will" A smile curled on her pretty face, and Jareth took a great liking to her determination.

He stayed within her thoughts, finding passion and happiness in her head, with so much anticipation of what she would learn. She didn't look past thirty human years, so it was quite curious for Jareth how she lost her memory. Jareth of course would find a way how to do that but decided to wait a little bit more. He got on his feet, his silver plate and the goblet were left empty as he walked toward Leah, who was still in her seat. His gloved right hand cupped her cheek and rubbed it softly with his thumb.

"Why don't you start now, clean the dining room," he ordered.

She felt the heat rising on her, not sure why he was provoking that type of reaction on her body and soul, but his touch, even when the glove was on, felt right and good. And Jareth, of course, noticed this. Leah nodded, holding his gaze, feeling hypnotized by his beautiful and deep eyes. A mischievous smile drew on his face before letting go of her and walking outside the dining room. Oh, she was going to be so much fun to be with.

[tokyopewpew]

Solas and the Nature of Spirits

aka how this idiot might be able to think the idiot way he does

Sorry not trying to woobify Solas but it’s gonna sound like that to many I’m sure. 

He’s just such an interesting squeaky toy to chew on! So much is recontextualized after Veilguard! IDK i could be totally wrong but its been interesting to see people totally villainize him or be so unsympathetic. So warning: this is going to be long and kind of a follow up on my long tags post about Solas and Cole. Let’s go!

What I want to establish isn’t that Solas is faultless or not intended to be seen as antagonistic. I don’t think he is a villain, he’s a tragic hero at best or ya know. What he’s always said he is: a trickster. I don’t want to completely absolve him of all the terrible shit he’s done, but I think his explicitly poetically tragic character foundation always made it easy to swallow that those are his choices. Of course he did that, it’s the most narratively tragic option. So when I see criticisms of him being a villain or saying he should have done something different, simply said no is like ok… Yes in real life. But we’re in the fiction world where that is not his Character Type, that is not his Archetype. Which leads me into what I was yapping about on my previous post.

The nature of Spirits: I’ve seen talk of Solas’ abuse, his trauma, and I’ve seen an interesting take that by being thousands of years old he should have worked through all that shit already and not be such a petty bitch. Which idk, some of us are petty bitches by nature, trauma or otherwise. But anyways: I want to talk about the trauma of person-hood and Cole’s quest in Inquisition.

So Cole’s quest being reflected on in VG post reveal that the Evanuris were Spirits. Juicy. Delicious. But something I think that happens in these games is that people chase companion Approval regardless of RP. Alas it's hard to fight the dopamine of brrr make the number go higher, make the pretty elfman like me more. BUT the Cole quest is like the one line of questioning where you catch Solas in a weird half lie about court intrigue. (i promise this will make sense).

Solas: I had forgotten how I missed court intrigue.

Inquisitor: You miss court intrigue? When were you at court?

[Solas slightly disapproves]

Solas: Oh! Well... Never... directly, of course! 

As pointed out by many others: this is the one instance where asking him more questions earns you disapproval vs approval. So choosing to make Cole human, to me, is the more interesting choice because it earns you disapproval. I’m still going to analyze both options don’t worry though. 

To have Cole become more of a spirit is in line with Solas’ core beliefs. Clearly. He believes spirit’s natures shouldn’t be corrupted, they have singular, core traits that they must be adhered to and physical beings should not abuse them. Cool and true statements I would hope we all agree with. 

Some other users have already tread this ground. But by affirming Cole’s nature as a spirit, Solas sees the Inquisitor be respectful to Cole’s nature and upon reflection in Veilguard: see his own past redefined. It can be healing for him to see an Inquisitor show the empathy and grace he wasn’t. Which is fantastic, lovely, intimate and I think goes a long way to him seeing the differences in the modern world vs the ancient one. He can see that people here do care for spirits and they can be welcome and exist as they are! 

But what I think is juicier is earning that disapproval by siding with Varric and letting Cole be more human. Knowing what we know now, it’s so easy to see that Solas doesn’t want to see his same path be repeated. (Which, another side note that you can earn approval from Solas allowing HIM to kill the mages in his personal quest, but he disapproves of Cole not letting go and let god with the templar? He wants Cole to be calm and forget his pain, become detached, as he is unable to be anymore.) It’s a fantastic echo/mirror/theme repeated. And now we’re really able to get to the evidence that supports my thesis. 

Cole turning more human has him more tethered to the world. He feels more feelings, he can’t make people forget him, if he wants to offer comfort and compassion he has to do that with words and his presence, not magic. if he turns more into a spirit, he speaks with less emotion and is more detached from the people around him. He is compassionate, of course, as is his nature, but that is all he is and he does not understand deeper complexities of emotions. HE might be compassion, but he isn't seen or understood as a compassionate person ya know? As a spirit, he takes a very easy straightforward approach to helping people (make them forget) rather than the messier, more complicated, way a person does.

So using this as a reflection on Solas and the Evanuris: bro has never been able to get over the trauma of becoming a person. He does not know how to exist with the complexities beyond being just Wisdom. He is trying to run Spirit Software on physical hardware. And like, sure, you technically can, but he’s ignoring all the background processes that are contradicting and fucking up his systems. 

I imagine as a spirit of Wisdom, his goal was just to accrue information, vibe, and give opinions if asked. By who? IDK other spirits? Early people? Probs not the titans and dwarves. Probs a pretty chill existence other than the war thing going on, that he generally is able to ignore until good ol’ Mythal comes calling. 

Now she… is a lot. But I’ll extend the same grace to her as I do Solas which is to say, no one has done the shit they have done before, no one has transcended their nature. I think the Evanuris, as fucked as they are, have similar trauma over their creation. And the road to hell is paved with good intentions and I think they all believe they have good intentions. 

If Mythal is a spirit of benevolence, and she managed to convince herself that taking a physical form to protect her people is the right thing to do, ok. She is clearly able to justify that taking a physical form will help in the long run. Just because she’s a spirit of that emotion doesn’t mean she’s right. BUT, add onto that a new slew of emotions and complexities to the concept of benevolence (not just retribution, but selfish desires being masked as being for the greater good), I can see the Evanuris being in denial and assuming that they are continuing to operate as detached and unbiased as when they were spirits (they were not). 

Which is why I think Solas was convinced by Mythal. Surely she was operating with the best intentions, for him and for other spirits and not just her and the other’s agendas. And his subsequent horror and regret over taking a physical form sets up his whole Lucy with the football situation of believing, hoping, Mythal is still the pure being of good he knew her to be. 

Surely her benevolence is not conditional? Wouldn't that go against her nature, her purpose?

I think that’s why he gets so fucked up when the Evanuris go against their word. And I think he feels shitty and guilty in new horrible ways he didn’t when he was a spirit. He was able to stay detached, like Cole could be, and dispense “objective" wisdom without clouded feelings of guilt. He didn’t have to worry about other feelings or the outcomes, because spirits are simple creatures and really so long as he’s asked a question and someone appreciates the answer that’s all he needs. Becoming a person and subsequently seeing the consequences to the advice you consider correct, and either a) being ignored by the people who asked for your advice (Mythal) or b) see it followed through and having to live with the consequences (yuck, he never had to do that before and it sucks now). 

Like the memory of the citadel attack where Fellasan is horrified that he could send those spirits to their death so callously. Solas makes an argument like a detached wisdom spirit would. Our objective was to retrieve the relic, what’s the best way to do that? Create a distraction that is big enough to make your enemy think this is your actual goal for an agent to retrieve the item. In order to do that, you need it to be convincing so go whole hog. So long as a spirit doesn’t go against its nature, there is no technical foul. It isn't sociopathic thinking but it’s a brutally clean line of logic. It’s similar to the Nadas Durthalan, you have to ask the right question. Fellasan didn’t ask how to get out with the least bloodshed: he asked for the relic.

So Solas has a fucked up way of just trying to keep operating like a wisdom spirit and not feel anything else. He keeps trying to answer the questions asked of him. He keeps trying to believe in Mythal’s core nature, and in doing so he puts blinders on and hobbles himself horribly trying to ignore all his other emotional complexities. Guilt, regret, his desperation for contact and comfort, things he didn’t need before. He can’t go through the ego death of accepting he is forever changed, let alone that Mythal is. And god forbid he, a spirit of wisdom, was wrong. Operated illogically, blinded by emotion.  

Which interestingly, given the final scene, I’m still unsure of how much his service of her is his own denial or genuine magical compulsion. She was clearly able to defy his nuggets of wisdom but I’m not sure how much was him trying to console himself that she is Benevolence, she has to mean well, it is her nature, and how much is being bound to her service. But either way, I see his dogged pursuit of tearing down the Veil as him continuing to follow her orders or answer the question/task asked of him. 

Mythal wanted to protect her people. The elves of today are not really her people. She wants vengeance for her murder. Solas is either magically compelled to follow her orders or is again, so bent out of shape to exist as he once was, he’ll restore her people as they once were by tearing down the Veil. He can convince himself that her desire for that is Good at its core, the same way he can convince himself This is the Only Way because its the way he sees how to do it and he is Wisdom so it must be the right choice. 

It’s a very poetically tragic, stupid, logical fallacy way of thinking but that is a classic tragedy. 

I also love the idea of him experiencing the Horrors of the humanoid body. Does he enjoy eating? Does he enjoy taste but hate that he now Has to eat? Based on what foods we find in the lighthouse I’d guess yes. This dude hates that he has to eat, piss, and shit, and gets tummy aches now. He wants to go back to simpler times. 

But yeah, those are my thoughts mostly! I think brother Egg has been trying to keep as one track as possible, to the detriment of the world around him lmao. 

[noteoftheturnabout]

piss-eater

ranking doubts and diatribes cases in chronological order! (+ some hot takes from my beautiful mind)

1) note of the turnabout

I don't actually have to say much about this one. kudos for not teaching us stuff we already know, but it suffers from severe first-case-mediogrity that only the lost turnabout ever really escaped... it was fun having gumshoe as our defendant and the hookup of the note as the only unused piece of evidence that everyone else fails to acknowledge was interesting, the case itself wasn't outright bad and fullfilled its role, which is why it gets a solid 5/10

2) arrival on a turnabout

LARRY BUTZ I FUCKING HATE YOU THANKS FOR GETTING US IN TROUBLE AGAIN!

also hiiii hiiiiiiii viola hi~ <3

this case immediately picked up my interest in a way that note of the turnabout unfortunately didn't. I mean, viola contacting us again?? tender lender comeback and development!! someone murdering a fucking cadaverini??? this has got to be something serious. instant intrigue!

I really appreciate using the tender lender and cadaverini to start tying into all that's going to be revealed. I mean yes! they are the small glimpse we got earlier into the same dark side this case is beginning to unravel! viola fits the vibe, makes sense to be used, is underappeciated in the fandom and I'm glad to see more of her!

viola fanboying aside, I was kinda overwhelmed by the intensity of it all at one point, when the logic thread lead us to Larry was getting accused. that's not neccessarily really a bad thing, or a flaw, but the stress did damage my enjoyment. the prosecutor was just relentless and we could make very little counterargument because of the severe lack of information, and because we were meant to lose, but I think it wasn't really Bad per se. that's when the fact that its a story first and a trial simulator second really begins to shine. I haven't decided how I feel about the fact we're actually meant to lose sometimes, it is very interesting and innovative, but sometimes it made me outright desperate.

and how could I forget! the wet kitten supreme umaru keigo and his tragic reveal! I liked that I think. despite him being a bitch as a prosecutor in this case

anyway the general score is probably gonna be... like 7/10 or 8/10, points taken off mostly for Larry and for stress.

3) turnabout judgement

HOO BOY. OH MY FUCKING GOD.

I'm gonna shove my "the judge actually IS corrupt" agenda in the closet for now because in this case he's not guilty. AND GOD DAMN IT WAS SCARY FINDING OUT THE PERSON I NEED TO GET MY FRIEND OUT OF TROUBLE, THE PERSON WHO WAS RELIABLY ALWAYS THERE, THE PERSON WHO YOU THOUGHT IS GLUED TO HIS JUDGE CHAIR IS BEING DETAINED AND INVESTIGATED RIGHT NOW. remember how I praised arrival on the turnabout for being gripping? forget that! turnabout judgement scared me shitless within the first few minutes. it's getting at least five points for that instantly.

I don't really understand people who say that hanma is supposed to be innocent, sweet and umsuspectable, like dahlia. because.... no she's not. she's scary, shady and an asshole right from the start, – then we just get to learn more and more and more about her motivation and about her doings. which I enjoy very much! I think she's a great character. at least two points to this case for having her in it.

BUT MY FAVORITE PART ABOUT THIS CASE ISN'T HER! its her sus as fuck pet judge, aka the specialest most unique judge ever, aka my perfect man yasuhiro tomioka!!!! omfg can we get a shoutout for yasuhiro tomioka I barely ever even see fanart of him Please. this case gets three points on the spot for having this man in it.

but here comes the final evaluation time, and just when it seemed like this case has effortlessly reached victory....

I fucking hate the evidence in this case and the case itself. the evidence is so flimsy and hard to work with I barely pulled myself to the end of the trial, constantly making mistakes because I was just trying to be logical, and lost a couple times which in other cases never happens to me.

(and yes there is a variant of loss that's not meant to happen, not the guilty verdict which is.) oh my fucking god I wish I could score it higher but beating the case shaved at least a few years off my lifespan, so I'm shaving off four points off this case. 6/10

(upd I realized that only started doing points math in this part of the ranking but its too late to go back and edit the rest now isn't it) (it isn't I just dont want to)

4) turnabout chase

9/10, 0.8 points taken off for pressure and loss stress, good god there's a lot of stress in this, 0.2 points off for lang's brother because I didn't case about him.

otherwise... no words.

(please read the additional materials, THERE ARE LANGWORTH LETTERS YOU GUYS and the cooking competetion was cute and really helped take off the tension!)

5) turnabout obsession

is it fine that I was actually thinking edgeworth did it..?

that's mostly because I was concerned about his moral compass tilt during "revengeworth" arc and I genuinely didn't know what to expect of him next.

the evidence pointing towards him was flimsy and I didn't have that much of a hard time poking holes in it, but I was still doubting edgeworth the whole time.

which I shouldn't have because that's exactly what that detective bitch wanted.

I didn't really care about basil bonerat until this case but after playing this one... I love him actually! yes I obviously hate him for what he did but hes so fucked in the head its incredibly interesting. luke atmey type of shit except arguably worse. also very revolutionary of him to be the first detective culprit!

8/10 with 1 point off for killing off hanma and 1 point off for a couple of things here and there that didn't really make sense, which im usually able to ignore with ace attorney, but wasn't able this time because of the grip the story had on me. gripping concepts is what the developers really poored their heartussy into and it shows.

and a bonus ranking of a case I was on the fence about including because its unclear whether it belongs with everything else or not (and also because I dont like it that much):

6) turnabout by the shore

kudos for sebastian and the lesbianism, but the culprit was very obvious the whole time and unfortunately I really fail to believe in sean and hanma's relationship. if they were given more time or moments or anything I probably would've cared way more than I did but unfortunately. still dont get this part of the fandom that writes 120k fics about sea sapphics and meta posts about how they both know so little about each other (duh that's the problem), but im built different I guess. unfortunately this gets 4/10 or even 3/10. probably 4 though out of respect for nonbinary lesbians

[spotaus]

Thinking Thoughts about Tulpa so I'm gonna write them and see if the Art Ghost comes back later to help fill in the gaps.

So, "Tulpa" is a nickname that's actually given to the pair indirectly by Nightmare.

In this AU he and Dream don't reconsile anytime soon, but he's one of the first to notice how weak his twins magic is. Dust landed a solid hit, so of *course* Dream is weak, but it's for a weirdly extended amount of time. He doesn't worry too much, he kinda hopes Dream is off somewhere is immense pain, but he definitely knows something is up.

When he finally encounters Dream again in battle, he notices how his brother's movements are choppy. Less fluid, as though he's expecting more reach from his arms or more length in his legs. As though he jumps too far abd is too light to balance. It reminds him of when he was first corrupted, when he couldn't move with his long and extra limbs. And Dream feels... muffled. Like his soul is being covered by something, a cloak of some kind. His aura is dampened too. Night isn't quite sure what it is, it's his brother's eyes and wayward convictions, but he can't share the feeling.

Then there's the day Dream's body seems to move on its own to avoid an ambush he certainly didn't see. The way Night recognizes, then, the glint in his dark socket. Dream had a tag-along. And while he wasn't sure who or what it was yet, he knew that his brother was different now. He told his boys that Dream was a 'Tulpa', something made up of the desires or those around him.

Nightmare knew his twin should still be unmoving. Maybe not dead, but his soul wasn't strong enough to support his body with that lasting injury Dust had caused. Dream would never give up the fight as long as there were people who wanted him to fight. Now he was giving up everything, even when he'd lost control of his body, to fight a useless war.

The gang started calling Dream 'Tulpa' when they saw him, which in turn led to Dream letting Fresh reveal himself sooner rather than later. Dream didn't hate the nickname though, so he asked others to adopt it later on.

Dream and Fresh aren't a fusion, but they are Soul-Bound now.

It was immediately after Fresh took his first bite of Dream's soul that it happened.

The Golden Apple which acts as Dream's soul has been storing his love and compassion and hope for YEARS now. Ever since he absorbed it. Just like every monster, it's the core of his being. Yet it's more. It's also the thing that compels him to uphold the balance, to fight Nightmare, to try and make everyone happy. He desires a peaceful world, so he does what he can to achieve that thanks to the apple's influence.

Fresh? He wants to feel full. Upon eating the apple, he is fundamentally altered. Not only can he survive like Dream does (absorbing positivity) but he also is Addicted to the aura of the apple. Dream has no part in this, it's just the nature of the Apples.

From the moment he took a bite, Fresh actively became... like... idk an Avatar (think The Magnus Archives) of that damn apple. Just-so-happens it's also bound to Dream, who has a vessel that just... Doesn't Decay.

Thanks to the apple, sometimes Dream abd Fresh act more like one person, each comfortably settled in the vessel at once. Sometimes they'll answer for themselves amd eachother. It's hard to unentagle them once Fresh finds it in him to be more devoted to Dream. So, they take on the name Tulpa to help save people some embarrassment.

Fresh can still leave Dream and inhabit other bodies.

Like I said, Fresh is Addicted to the apple, and Dream is the perfect body to linger in. But, sometimes two heads is better than one, or they have different plans that overlap. It's uncomfortable, like missing a piece of jewelry you always wear or forgetting your phone at home, so they don't do it often.

The good news is, Fresh is now much less likely to kill his hosts. He thrives on positivity now like Dream, and negativity (like from getting taken over by a parasite) actually feels like something to him now. So, he usually finds a willing host he can borrow the body of for an hour or two (his go-to is actually usually Blue (He cares a lot about Dream and trusts Fresh won't hurt him) or Ccino (too nice to really tell him no? Usually just a taste of Uncomfy rather than Terror).)

Once, Blue let Fresh take his body for the sake of hanging out with Dream in the omega timeline. They danced and had food and explored as much as they dared. They were able to hold hands and nuzzle skulls and kiss and hug and it was nice. Fresh likes to be able to give Dream a break sometimes, but he also loves to be able to smother him with affectionate actions from the outside and really get a good look at Dream's face.

Dream likes being able to hold Fresh's hands and see him in his full outfit without it being super baggy on himself. Dream *also* thinks it's a little weird when he kisses Fresh, knowing the body isn't technically his, but Blue (the wingman of all time) has given permission, and Dream doesn't do it often anyways.

And once or twice Fresh had appeared at a location after Dream arrives and scared the living heck out of folks just for fun.

DreamEater AU was a name I came up with after about 5 seconds of thought, but it IS symbolic.

So, it's kinda on the nose. Dream's soul is getting "eaten" by Fresh. That was the first reason I called it that, but the follow-up reasoning is just that... my headcanon for Dream is that he's constantly being eaten up by guilt, and stress, and the weight of expectations all baring down on him.

Dream, at this point in the au, never has a moment of positivity for himself. Always playing peace-keeper for everyone but himself, and he's hit his fuse. When Dust injures Dream, Dream is paralyzed from his neck down, some sort of magic flow imbalance. He literally cannot pick himself up and force himself to keep going.

That is, of course, until Fresh comes along and takes over Dream's vessel. Fresh literally eats him, yeah, but once they finally get to talking, Fresh eats away at Dream's persona. Fresh keeps Dream from overworking himself for people who don't need the help, he keeps Dream from being a push-over, and gives Dream a reason to be imperfect without shame. He literally eats away at the "Dream" people thought they knew and gives him a healthier and happier view on life.

And honestly, Fresh isn't even doing it out of kindness for Dream. His second nature is to call out bullshit when he sees it, and he just happens to see... a lot of it.

So, yeah, DreamEater AU is both silly and serious :) but wholly self-indulgent.

[precambrian-sea-pancake]

Giving context to things in Shadows of Rose that really needed context because I didn’t like them and they barely got context.

1) The Winter’s separating: it’s very much established they would not willingly separate. Mia loves Rose. There’s no way she’d willingly give up another family member after being widowed. Plus, Chris OF ALL PEOPLE should not want to separate the family. Literally the whole theme was about family. Hot take but there’s 3 of them.

2) Chris saying he would protect Rose and then asking her to join the squad: I refuse to believe Chris would go against his dying friend’s wishes. Putting someone in a fight isn’t protection

3) Rose barely knowing anything about Ethan: I mean…come on. That’s your dead husband and your dead friend who basically made you the godfather. There’s got to be a reason, right?

So…enjoy me fixing all of that by saying things Capcom loves to leave out

———

Mia raised Rose in the beginning when she was a kid, with the help of Chis. They were close. She was very paranoid about her safety and did everything she could to help Rose live a normal life considering they were under even stricter protection than before. Because of this and the fact that Rose would be too young to understand at the time, Mia and Chris were very selective about what was said. They told her things like “your father loved you” “he died protecting you” “he would’ve loved to be here”

The two of them wanted her so do to school because she needed socialization. Unfortunately she had a very hard time. Chris and Mia did their best to be supportive but it was a very tough situation for all of them.

Eventually when she got a little older the higher ups realized how much at risk the Winters were (and also for selfish reasons because Rose powerful. I mean…let us not forget Sherry ;-;), decided it would be best to separate the two to “protect” them. Be it by boarding school, training, etc. It’s kinda unclear but it happened.

Mia hated this. She couldn’t lose Rose but ultimately didn’t have any power over the situation. Chris hated it just as much also tried to prevent this but he too couldn’t change it.

Chis contact with Rose given his job and was the bridge between the two but as time went on things got more complicated and messy.

Eventually Chris got to a point where he wanted Rose by his side more often and to be the one in control instead of the higher ups. So he wanted Rose to join his squad so she could defend herself and not belong to some shitty government thing. At least this way it was easier…at least in Chris’s mind. To him it was protection. Was it the best idea? No, but to him it was.

After the DLC, they learn Ethan is still present in some sort of way. It motivates Chris to try fighting once more for the family to be together again.

Rose remembers everything she saw in the Megamycete’s recreation of her old house and how both of her parents loved her…and sees the mother on the bus reading a book to her kid.

Now both motivated to try again they’re successfully able to get visitation between Rose and Mia.

It starts off slow but eventually it happens more and more. It’s hard because it’s been so long, but they work to reconnect. Since Rose is older and has context, Mia (although very hesitant and needing some encouragement. Plus taking a few meetings for it to even happen) explains their family history to Rose piece by piece until the story is complete.

As for Rose joining the squad?

She joined because she knew her dad fought to help her family. She, like her father, is a kind person. She wants to help protect people and make sure they don’t suffer the same fate as her family. One more good soul to combat a corrupt world. She’s at an awkward age at a very emotional time. Her decisions might not be final but it’s giving it a try. She might stay or she might not. She might like it or she might hate it. Only time and experiences will decide that.

While things aren’t perfect, the Winters are at least together. Just like what Chris tried to do, and just like what Ethan wanted.

———

It’s not perfect, but I tried my best with what was available and worked within the confines of the story. I loved the DLC, but it does have flaws that annoy me. So I fixed it UwU.