#and you try so hard to forget the corruption you were made to take into your body and the duty it brings | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

0luv9 · 6 months

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forlorn || mattheo riddle

Summary: based on this request.

Beware: angst, fluff, slightly aged-up characters, Hufflepuff reader, sweet reader, she/her pronouns used, mostly in second person, jealousy, mistreatment, a little bit of blood, slightly commanding(?) and intimidating Mattheo.

Words: 7.8k (not beta read)

Note: I am sorry luv, I don't think I did justice to the request. I also apologize for taking so long. I still hope you like it, even if it's just a bit. @cat-loves-music

Mattheo Riddle, son of Voldemort, or Tom Riddle if you will—for a more humane approach. But then, there's no humanity in the way he's treated. Always an outsider, always a monster.

There is wealth to his name; after all, he is the only living heir of Salazar Slytherin. However, his blood is corrupt, shunned by the very people who kissed the steps his baby feet took. Looked down on by the blood supremacists and not accepted by the other side, the "good side."

Even he was tired of the same sob story. He doesn't even need to introduce himself; they already have a preconceived image of him in their minds. He could try to fix his image in an ideal world, but even then, what would he say?

'Hello, everyone, I'm Mattheo Riddle, son of the man who once threatened your lives. Please welcome me with warm hands.'

Too cliché? Yes, but it's true and the only truth he knew.

Riddle didn't even know why the name Riddle was cursed and didn't know what his father did that made everyone's hate transcend generations. What made their hatred justified and his hate a crime? He didn't know until it was too late.

Mattheo was raised by the only living relative of his, his mother's aunt—the one who died recently. The one who kept all this hidden away from him hid all the Hogwarts' letters, raised him like her own, and protected him until her last breath. She loved him but all within the vicinity of the manor. He didn't know the world that existed beyond those walls.

He knew about the world outside only through the books she'd let him read. He thought it would feel liberating to step off the lavish floors onto the rich earth. It was everything but that.

"But Nona, why can't I go outside?" he remembers asking that silly question when he was about nine. What he wouldn't do to get that naivety back.

"Because, my dear, there are people out there who wouldn't like you. There are bad people outside ready to punish you," he also remembers crying when she told him that. He didn't understand why people would hate him. He just wanted to try the chocolate frogs he read about.

He just wanted to talk to all the different animals out there, the same way he could talk to the garden snakes.

"But I didn't do anything wrong, Nona. Tell them that I'm a good boy. I can even give them some of my toys. Will they like me then?" If only it were that easy. His Nona cried for the first time in front of him then, looking at all the toys he had set onto her lap, looking at her with teary eyes, pleading, "I didn't do anything wrong, Nona, I promise."

Mattheo didn't understand her tears back then, but now as he stands all alone, those same tears fall out his eyes. It's useless. "They'll know that someday, moon pie. You aren't wrong. They'll know." They'll know? What a fucking joke.

Mattheo tries to enjoy the view in front of him, you know. But how can he? When his batchmates are out there partying and enjoying life, he's been a lone wolf all his life. Yet in moments like this, he seems to forget his old ways of existing.

There's not much he can do anyway; he's not needed anywhere. In fact, they all want him gone. Finding beauty in small things is hard when misery clings to him. There's self-loathing in the way he thinks about the night and himself. There's nothing positive he can say.

You'd think that he must've gotten used to it all by now. No, he hasn't; it only got worse. At least little Mattheo held hope that people would understand someday or the other. Every bit of hope was destroyed by the very people who would've feared him had his father been alive. In moments like this, he wished he could see the man, live as the son they paint him as.

He'd have someone to lean onto then, someone to call his own. At least his father would've loved him. But this last bit of consolidation too was stolen away from him when he got to know that he was a backup plan for his father. Mattheo Riddle was not supposed to exist. His father wanted to live on forever; he was the last option the so-called Dark Lord had, to produce an heir and have them further his cause, and control his life as Tom lived on his last lifeline.

But all of it died with him. Mattheo promised himself that he would never be the man they all expected him to be, the man they wanted to point fingers at. So, he stayed in line. But then he thinks, sometimes, maybe, what if—you know?

He simply stares up at the brightly lit sky, it's a shame that he's the only one out there to appreciate the scenic beauty because he's physically and mentally incapable of appreciating anything, you can't blame him now, can you?

Cold breeze in mid-August, how fucking ridiculous just like this life of his, so unlike his peers, who were out there partying and having the time of their lives, the music vibrating through the walls was like salt on wounds. He'd like to drink a few and chat with his friends but then again, he hasn't got any. And it's the bitter truth that he's not welcome there, he'd be greeted with nasty looks if he tried to enter any such party, they'd all glance his way like the ominous thing he is. It's times like this when he really contemplates it.

Mattheo looks down from the height he's on, no one would care anyway, the fall will kill him, might just give it an actual try unlike those previous attempts- he's been a coward all his life, never ready to face the extremes of life but he has nothing to protect at the moment, he's come far too long, life was never going to be worth it.

He climbs over the railing onto the brick ledge, sitting down for a moment, to take it all in for the last time ever. Mattheo remembers all the whispers that followed him, the suspicious looks passed along the way, those words of disdain- at the same time the thoughts of a happy life enter his mind, it all feels unattainable, in fact, he's so far gone he can't even picture joy, all he sees is bright colours when he thinks of a happy life.

Mattheo had desperately sought relief all his life, but the pain only worsened with time, it's only reasonable to want to end this feeling of hopelessness. The weight of his family's legacy feels heavy on his shoulders. He slouches over and looks down once again, sighing as his eyes shift to the ring on his finger, the other Gaunt ring, he slowly removes it- a pathetic heir he is, he doesn't deserve it, couldn't live up to the name, disappointing both sides of the world.

Maybe they should have destroyed this along with his father's ring but apparently, his dear sweet Nona thought he could change their fate, change the course of history, change the Gaunt legacy for the better, fuck- he couldn't even try and change people's perception about him. Even in this sense, he's nothing like his predecessors, incapable of leaving a mark, of changing the world, be it for the better or the worse. He's just fucking worthless- he fiddles with the ring as he shifts a bit closer to the edge, ready to let go of it.

"Nice ring," he turns around startled, "Mattheo, isn't it?" not Riddle? He hadn't heard his own name in a long time, no one had directly addressed him in years let alone called him by his first name. It all feels foreign, he simply nods not knowing what to say. "Do you mind if I join you?" you don't wait for a response though and carefully bend and climb through the gaps between the two rails, settling down beside him. "Hi, I'm-" he doesn't hear it, he's too focused on your face, you were dolled up, for the party he thinks, but then why are you here of all places? Was this some kind of prank? He steals a glance back at the entrance and the seemingly empty hallway, to see if anyone is waiting for a reaction.

"You know you shouldn't sit so close to the edge, you might fall down," you grab his forearm urging him to move back, your hand feels warm on his skin, it feels unnatural, his hands are always cold. Even though it's on him for a couple of seconds he can't help the multiple emotions going on about in his mind and before he can sort them out, his mouth decides to act on its own, "Why aren't you at the party?" "Oh-" you look disappointed, and he apologises right away, not wanting to upset the only person who had the decency to talk to him, "Sorry, I shouldn't have asked," he's quick to defend himself, it's a natural response after all but you only seemed amused, "No, it quite alright, I was just surprised by your voice-" "Is it that bad?" "Gosh no! It's just not what I expected, quite rough, it's nice," you are quick to shut him up, "And about your question, I am annoyed at my friends forcing me to try more drinks and all, I just came up here to relax."

"I can leave if you'd like," you add on as an afterthought, but you really didn't want to go, it was the only place with some peace, unlike the loud corridors and dorms, where you were mad at your friends and were in no mood for a party. "No, it's quite alright, I was just surprised," he tries to lighten the mood, repeating your words jokingly, it works, you laugh and properly look at him instead of the waters ahead.

"Haha so funny," you say in a monotonous voice, trying to act like you didn't just laugh but you can't contain your smile, and he finds it quite beautiful. You look down at the ring between the two of you, "it's a beautiful ring I must say," You compliment it again since he hadn't acknowledged it before. Mattheo thanked you quietly trying to think of a response that might not make you run away from him.

It's been only a few minutes and you've said more nice things to him than he has ever heard in his whole life, it's quite ridiculous when he thinks about it, seemingly you find it quite easy to compliment him. He stays quiet not knowing how to take a compliment, but you don't let the silence continue, you look around trying to find something to talk about and soon enough you start talking and he's glad, "You know about those plants right there?" you point to the shrubs at some distance from the castle walls. Mattheo shakes his head unable to recall if he had seen them before. "It's alright but now that you know, you have something to look forward to this upcoming month!" you smile yet again, cheerful that you have something to share.

"What's special about them?" "It's not the plant itself but the fireflies that live there!" Mattheo tries hard to keep up with your energy and pace, "Why aren't they out now? They aren't migratory, are they?" "That's what makes it special unlike fireflies that are present throughout the summer, these ones light up only for the last week of August," "I'll look forward to it," "You should! I missed it last year and then everyone thought I was lying when I mentioned it." Mattheo frowns, "No one knows about them? Not even the professors?" "The professors would know but it wasn't that serious that I'd take it up to them," Mattheo finds it difficult to relate, he always would let everyone know that he was in the right if the facts favour him because no way in hell would he let anyone see him in the wrong light, he couldn't bear to be in the wrong.

And it slips out his mouth, "I would've argued till they knew I was right," "I don't like arguing though, reminds me of my parents, they parted ways because they argued a lot, so I try to avoid it myself," his lips purse trying to think of an appropriate response, "Anyway, you are in Slytherin right?" it wasn't a question, you just knew, "I'm in Hufflepuff, nice to meet you!" you turn towards him and extend your hand with a smile, he can't help but mirror your smile, "Nice to meet you indeed." Your hand feels soft in his, he was finding it hard to let go but you pull your hand back almost instantly- remembering something, "OH right I forgot, do you like chocolates?" Mattheo was quite taken aback by your energetic self, it was infectious, "Of course you do, it's a silly question, I mean who doesn't like chocolate-" you stop midway and fix him with a scrutinising look, "Unless you are some heartless monster-" "Nah I like chocolate alright," "Good good."

You fish through your jacket's pocket and pull out two chocolate bars, "It's muggle chocolate," you place one in his hand, "Muggle? I've never had muggle candy," Mattheo inspects the small sweet in his hand, "You are missing out then!" you chuckle as you take the wrapper off yours, "I'll eat it tomorrow, thank you," He pockets it and looks ahead with a small smile, tonight's beautiful now that he looks at it.

"You are a muggle born then?" Mattheo can't help but want to know more, because how dare his fucking father go after your lot, "Yep, I was surprised you know? To receive the letter, I thought it was some prank but of course, after a few days I realised how real it was, couldn't have been happier, to be away from home." It's funny because all Mattheo wants to do is go back to the gloomy old mansion and here you were saying the opposite, the stark difference between the two of you was obvious to him.

You ramble on and he listens, it's nothing but enjoyable to listen to mundane stories being narrated with such interest, he finds himself smiling a bit too much, to the point where his face hurts but he doesn't care because you are quite the lovely company to be around.

Muggle-born, the same year as him, Hufflepuff, living with your mom- it's not the best back home he gathers that much. You were angry at your friends and were going to hold a grudge if they didn't apologise. He learned a lot about you in that one hour and learned a few things about him as well, he didn't know he had jokes like that OR you were just too kind to laugh at his bad quips, whatever it was he was grateful because you didn't make him feel bad or like a burden. Mattheo was glad that you were the talkative one and that you didn't expect him to share anything if he wasn't comfortable, also the fact that he didn't want to send you running away by talking more about himself.

He admires the fond smile you wear when you talk, the stars reflect a bit too brightly in your eyes, and he inhales breathing in your scent, it's surreal, the moment. Mattheo didn't quite think properly until you left, wishing him a good night, "it was nice spending time with you, Mattheo!" He wonders if you knew how much it meant to him.

...

He finds out your name the next day and sees you everywhere, it's annoying because he was tired since he couldn't sleep thinking all night about you and now he has to see your face again. Now that he knows you, he can't seem to avoid you, earlier it was easy to be blind but now, everything else seems like a blind spot but you. Or maybe it's that his head is not hanging low, avoiding looking up at people.

Mattheo got over the irritation rather quickly, discreetly looking at you, eyes following every movement of yours. But you don't look at him once, he was just like any other guy to you, the realisation both hurts and feels nice, knowing that you don't demonise him but also the fact that he's no one special either. And maybe, he can live with that.

He notices the large number of people you keep around, you are never alone, always surrounded by a group and you are always the one talking, you are clearly popular. How had he not noticed you before? But then again he knew no one in the school apart from the professors, he never tried to get to know anyone because of course his fate wouldn't allow that.

Mattheo seeks out the solace of the library to keep you out of his mind for a while but the plan doesn't seem to work when he finds the chocolate you gave him in his bag. He simply sighs, knowing that there is no escape, unwarps the sweet and pops it into his mouth, shutting his eyes, and recalls your sweet smile. Warmth takes over his body, it feels nice like this, he has to talk to you once again because that can't be the only interaction he has with you, not when it's all he can think about. He breathes out slowly, staring down at the wrapper and mindlessly reading the information on the back, his jaw tightens as he realizes his stupid pathetic feelings. Mattheo puts the wrapper in his quill case and tries to study with a head full of you.

...

Okay, now it was really starting to bother him, he practically couldn't keep his eyes off you, it's like a spell had charmed him in. He wasn't even trying to be discreet at this point, he downright stared at you from a distance, it was creepy, he was aware of that but he couldn't bring himself to give a damn. Mattheo doesn't like this new feeling you've instilled in him, it's sweet and it's fucking uncomfortable. He finds it extremely difficult to get rid of you from his thoughts, so he gives up on trying and lets his mind go on autopilot.

The way you talked to him without any judgement in your eyes that day, the images of you repeated over and over again in his mind. Even when he sees you with someone else he can't help but think you are in front of him telling him a story, with those animated expressions of yours, but then seconds later he comes to his senses and sees the smile that's not directed at him, the one you gave to everyone, him too. He thinks it was your pity, that made you talk to him. He didn't feel like he was burdening you then but now when he thinks of approaching you, he knows he'd be burdening you. Your life looks no different, every day is full of joy, and you aren't smiling any less.

Why would you talk to him of all people? Perhaps, you only talked to him that day because you needed a change of scenery and not because you wanted to, he's wrong in thinking that but he's also deluded. It's the only way he keeps himself at peace, to not see meaning in your words, to not long for your company.

But he's a Riddle after all, some things just run in your blood, he has his eyes set on you and he finds it difficult to look away. New dream of his, and he'd like to have it, no matter how unattainable it feels. Yet he hasn't got a clue, it's all too new, and he doesn't know what to do, he'd like to have a plan but what would the plan even say? Go and talk to her? Yeah, like he's about to embarrass himself in front of her.

...

Your eyes stretch at the sight of him sitting in the library, alone but not in some deserted corner, he had claimed the whole couch in the centre of the room, sitting right in the middle, reading a book leaning back, a frown on his face. He looked intimidating, and to be honest, you were scared of him, the little beer in you that night had given you the courage to approach him, maybe your fate was too kind to let you find him that night but now your nerves were on fire.

It was no secret to you that he had been staring at you the past couple of weeks, but you couldn't understand the look on his face, his jaw was always clenched, eyes narrowed, and not a hint of emotion on his face. Was he mad at you? Was he the planning on-

No. You didn't like to think about it, you didn't want him to be the man they paint him as, he's just a boy, your age, maybe that's another reason why you hadn't approached him. Staying away because you were scared that they'd be right, you'd rather delve into what ifs than actually be heartbroken, your imagination brought you bliss.

But would it really be your mind if it would let you just forget it? You think and think, getting worked up over every little interaction you've had with him. How could he be evil? He talked to you so nicely the other day, even- even though you were a muggle-born, a mud blood. But when you see how he looks at you, you can't help but feel scared.

It really was an intimidating sight, your courage wore thin but you had made up your mind. You approach him cautiously, as you greet him, you start feeling jittery and flushed, "Hey Mattheo."

Mattheo jerked his head up as he heard your voice, surprised, caught off guard in fact, he didn't trust his words just yet so he simply nodded at you, acknowledging your presence, closing the book and setting it aside, all his attention on you. "I came here to study and noticed you," you look around bashfully before continuing, "I just wanted to ask you if you liked the chocolate I gave you the other day, you know the one with dark brown wrapper-" "Yeah I did," He stops you from rambling on, not that he had any problem with it but you clearly seemed nervous, he just wanted to ease your nerves, "Right so-" you quickly pull out a small pack of the chocolate from your sling bag placing it beside him, straightening up, "I'll go then, enjoy-" you are quick to turn away from him, cursing yourself in your mind, blaming yourself for making things more awkward than they already were.

Mattheo stops you in your tracks as he calls you by your name, you turn around, and he speaks in that cold voice of his, "You said you were here to study right?" you nod timidly, clutching onto the straps of your bag, he leans back and with a flick of his wrist, a table and chair are summoned in front of him, "then study," he motions to the chair opposite of him.

You were quite taken aback, you stood there for a bit before actually registering his words, and you quietly sat down, you didn't have it in you to disobey him, he was Mattheo Riddle for fucks sake, he looked and sounded like someone who doesn't take no for an answer.

A small smile tugged at his lips as he watched you carefully sit down, looking down, not meeting his gaze, he couldn't believe it, you obliged his wishes? Mattheo leaned back fully, arms folding as he watched you, brown eyes capturing each detail, amusement crawled over his face as he watched you pull out multiple books all at once, various colourful stationery items sprawled out all over the table. You looked pretty like this, stray strands of hair framing your face, lips pursed in concentration. He knew how creepy he was being, so he opened his book again and tried to read but he simply couldn't not when you were sitting in front of him, he relished your presence and this was so unlike the others, every time he had looked at you- you had been surrounded by people, so it was a sight to behold, only for him to admire. So he did, in secret, glancing up at you, every few seconds.

It's been two hours and not once did he get bored of looking at you, a small smile lingered on his face as you closed your books and looked up at him, "How's that book?" you nod towards the book in his hand- the one he was supposed to be reading, "Good, good" he bites the inside of cheek as he lies through his teeth, "Got everything done?" he sets his book aside, fixing you with a soft stare, "Yes, I just wanted to revise a bit, I forget stuff easily if I don't revise regularly," you tilt your head a bit, his eyes were much softer now, and it made your heart flutter a bit, feeling a lot more comfortable than before, so you do what you usually do when you are comfortable- talk.

"By the way, did you study for the upcoming herbology test?" And before he could answer, you pulled out a piece of paper from your bag, "This is like the holy grail, a senior gave it to me last year, it has all the specifics, of recognising plants and how to make generalised guesses about their uses-" you speak in a hushed voice, slightly leaning over the table, eyes wide as you shared your little secret, "you can have it, I have it memorised haha" You bless him with that pretty smile of yours, pushing the paper towards him, you don't let him refuse the offer and start talking about something else, he gives you a small smile, and it makes your insides turn into mush, you bite your lip trying to contain your smile, eyes shy as you start fiddling with your hands on your lap.

You talked for hours, he was much more open this time, and the conversation flowed smoothly between the two of you, it was you who mostly did the talking but he didn't seem to mind he looked more than pleased, he didn't like talking much, it seemed, so you filled in the gaps, made it look so effortless like it was easy talking to him, maybe it was easy for you but to him, it made him feel warm and fuzzy inside. You two stopped only when the librarian came in and told you it was curfew time, your eyes widened as you turned to look back at him, an amused smile on your face, both of you got up, walking beside each other, not uttering a word till you were out of the librarian's stern gaze.

"I made you miss dinner-" your eyes widened further as soon as the two of you got out, stepping into the empty hallway, "it's alright, I don't mind," you playfully rolled your eyes at him, he chuckled at your antics, "yeah sure, but your stomach would, but- we can sneak into the kitchens, you know, sneak some food out," you wiggle your eyebrows at him with a sheepish grin on your face, he scoffs in disbelief, a fond smile gracing his face, "something tells me, this isn't your first time sneaking around."

"No, it's not," you chuckle a bit before continuing, "So, are you coming or not?" you purse your lips, looking up at him with doe eyes and he questions your motives right then because there's no way you didn't have a clue about what you were doing, "would be an idiot to say no," he muttered under his breath shaking his head, "I didn't catch that-", "Yes, I am."

You give him a pleased smile, you looked so happy at that moment, he was rooted in his position as you started walking ahead of him, he had to look away to catch his breath, "Merlin" he exhaled, a hand reaching over to his chest to soothe his loud thumping heart, and in that moment he knew he was a goner.

"Mattheo-?" you turned around since you didn't hear him walk with you but soon he rushed to your side the moment you looked back, you gave him another smile as he walked beside you, he looked straight ahead then, you needed to stop doing that because no fucking way- would he be able to let go of you.

You lead him to the kitchen, both of you cautious, well just you- he was having the time of his life, getting a detention would be worth it, just a small price to pay. Mattheo repeatedly stole glances here and there, the moment you entered the kitchen, you grabbed his arm and pulled his painfully slow self in, "gosh- you sure do walk slow," you glare at him, but there's no malice in your eyes, instead they are just amused, you roll your eyes when he just shrugs in response, moving over to the tables. Mattheo just looked at you with fond eyes, he was just trying to buy more time with you by walking slowly and he didn't feel one bit guilty about it, he felt a bit too proud.

You sigh dramatically before returning to him with a small tray in your hands, "I didn't find anything else, apart from these blueberry muffins," your eyes wander around once more trying to see if you missed something, "usually there's still stuff left, that's weird- oh well, at least we have these," you give him a small defeated smile, setting the tray on the table, shrugging as you felt that muffins weren't worth the effort of sneaking around and that you only troubled him further. Mattheo saw through you and he hated that you were feeling that way, "didn't I mention this to you? I love muffins, especially the blueberry ones." he gave you a small smile, picking up the muffin, taking a bite, "yeah, that's good, way better than the dry vegetable and chicken pies they make." He didn't look at you as he said that, but you smiled, realising what he was trying to do, you wanted to cry, why was he being so considerate? You were now beginning to go down a spiral, of all the times you thought of him in the wrong light, how dare you even think like that?

Mattheo caught you staring and it was hard for him to control the heat that rose to his cheeks, he cleared his throat, "What? You don't like these? Well, guess they are all for me-" he teased, taking the tray in his hand and started walking away, "Hey! No-" you rushed after him with an amused smile, "I want one too," and the tray was shoved back into your hands, "better not eat all of them, yeah?" he gave you a small cheeky wink, leaning against the table, finishing the muffin in his hand.

Mattheo offered to walk you back to your dorm, he didn't have to insist much, after all, you wanted to spend time with him too, you easily agreed after a couple of tries. You two walked in comfortable silence, as you neared the Hufflepuff dormitory, you were thinking about how you'd part ways, overthinking about what would be appropriate and in the mix of it, you just gave him an awkward side hug, squeezing his arm a bit before mumbling a quick "goodnight" and rushing in.

He couldn't believe his eyes, were you blushing? No way, he must be imagining things. Mattheo could still feel your warm touch lingering on his side, the scene playing over and over again in his mind, he wanted to scream out of excitement- he was getting cuteness aggression, had to be it, his fists clenched at his side as he stared at the door, for god knows how long, if he could- he would've squeezed you into a bone-crushing hug, but you were quick, left him speechless.

He walked back to the Slytherin dorm without any trouble, he closed the door behind himself and leaned back against it, he was pretty sure his skin was burning with all the warmth that was flowing through his veins. Merlin, he was embarrassing! Mattheo sighed contently, a big smile on his face as he replayed the whole day, your smile-

...

The next few days, you guys didn't talk at all, he was back to staring and this time, when you did catch him in the act, instead of pretending you didn't see him, you gave him a knowing smile and a wave. Lingering looks, and subtle greetings, were sweet, Mattheo was now on a new high, he couldn't get enough. But for some reason, he maintained his distance, he stuck to looking at you from afar, it felt comfortable this way, not wanting to taint your reputation by talking to you in front of others, he'd talk to you if it was only you but you were never alone.

Mattheo starts seeing life for what it is, when he looks at the trees outside, the castle in its entirety, he feels like he is seeing it for the first time. How had he missed this? He finds himself back at the astronomy tower, he looks at the lake ahead, it was a sight to behold, and he is starting to appreciate the view, these days he didn't care about much, you were all he could think about and you were more than pleasant, it was as if the grey lens of his life was replaced with a coloured one, and it would be foolish to credit anyone else but you for it, and he was fucking grateful for it. The reason he was here was, that it was the end of August, and the fireflies you so damn wished to see would be out tonight, he came here just in the hope that he'll get to see you alone.

He was zoning out when some movement near the edge of the lake caught his eye, it was you- with a few of your friends, his smile faltered the moment he saw some blonde Hufflepuff dude pull you to his side, slinging a hand over your shoulder, you all walked towards the shrubs and didn't have to wait long before the fireflies lit up and started raising above the shrubs. He was about to leave, he was mad for some reason, really pissed- but then he took another look at you. You were standing a bit behind your friends, who had all their attention on the flies ahead, you seemed sad, looking down, messing with the soil beneath your shoe, hands in your jacket. Mattheo could make out the pout on your face, the deflated shoulders, you then turned to look right where he was, and he felt his breath catch in his throat.

Your posture straightened immediately, the pretty smile returning to your face as you looked up at the astronomy tower balcony, having spotted him, you waved at him. Mattheo nodded, forearms on the railing as he leaned forward, a smile gracing his features, the anger leaving him. You excitedly pointed at the sky, and he nodded, you turned back around when your friend called you and he couldn't look away, he was staring at you till you left, Mattheo started feeling the warmth creep up to him when he saw you making an effort to steal back glances at him. He felt seen, fucking special-

...

Mattheo still hadn't talked to you, he couldn't catch you alone really, it was starting to get to him, he longed to hear your voice, hear you talk to him- and yet, he didn't have it in him to approach you in front of others, it would ruin you, you thrived in the company of others, he couldn't snatch that away from you. Maybe if he was a bit more selfish, he'd do it, snatch you away from others, have you all to himself but he wasn't about that life, it was something his father would do, he's sure of it, go after what he wants, not caring what others would think-

Mattheo feels like passing out when you deliberately look at him just to give him a shy smile, a flushed look on your face. He walks away because he cannot handle looking at you, the urge is too strong, to just take you into his arms, he walks out to the empty hallway, a hand over his chest- it had become a subconscious habit of his, whenever you gave him that smile, the one that felt like it was just reserved for him, yeah that one, he felt like he was in heaven, you sent his heart rate through the roof when you did that, it borderline hurt him since he couldn't do much to satiate this feeling.

The longing was etched into his eyes when he looked at you, one thing he realised was, that when he had his head up, no one dared to look his way, he was enjoying that power for some reason, it filled his veins with something dark, he liked seeing people look down instead of him looking down, it felt fucking nice, and it felt even better when the only person that did look at him, was you. People averted their eyes when he entered the room, choosing to ignore his presence but the fear was very much evident, so he knew they didn't see him staring at you but at this point, he really couldn't bring himself to make an active effort to look away even if someone noticed.

It was no lie, that Mattheo wasn't up to date with all the gossip and news, he just lived life passively but now that he was out there more, he couldn't help but hear the words that fell onto his ears, Yule Ball, huh. WAIT- ball dance? That meant having a date, who were you going with? Fuck his mind was rambling shit to him, he could not let someone else take you to a fucking dance as their date, no, he wouldn't let that happen. He had to get to you before someone else did, it was nighttime, and tomorrow's the weekend, approaching you will be the first thing he'll do after he wakes up, he has to plan shit out, you know, make it special and heartfelt, you deserved nothing less.

But his heart nearly broke when he overheard two Slytherin guys talking about you. The way one of them talked about you made his blood boil, his jaw clenched tight, nails drawing blood from his palms as they dug into his coarse skin, "I told you not to ask her out, plenty of guys tried and guess what? She rejected them all." the guy who was being talked to only scoffed angrily, "She's a fucking slut, that's what she is, leading people on-" the other boy just stopped him and Mattheo exhaled, a bit relieved because if it wasn't for him, Mattheo would've smacked the guy and pushed him to the fucking wall, "dude, come on, that's not true, all she did was smile at you when you gave her your seat, she's a nice girl," these guys were in the fifth year, he recognised that much, "sure, whatever," the guy walked away to his room, making sure to loudly slam the door behind him.

Mattheo then gets up and walks towards the guy left behind, the one who stood up for you, when he stands in front of him, he sees the dude cower into the seat, Mattheo tries to speak in a polite voice but the anger is still radiating off him, his irritated stare didn't help either, "she doesn't have a date, yeah?" his hands were behind his back, over one another, the blood still fresh, "who-o?" the guy stutters out, looking around for help but no one was there- "You know who," he fixes him with a glare, before uttering your name out loud, "no no, she doesn't, rejected them all." Mattheo then nods at him and leans back, then finally he walks back to his room, allowing the guy to catch his breath.

Mattheo feels relief wash over him as he lets the information sink in, okay good, you didn't have a date but then again, why were you rejecting them all? What if you reject him as well? Yeah, he couldn't handle that wound, he'd fucking die, he contemplates whether he should ask you or not but he's done fucking waiting, waiting for his fate to fuck things over, if things are going to be fucked, he'll be the one to do it.

...

Mattheo puts on a black shirt and black pants, not caring to tuck his shirt in, the cold metal ring stings him as he puts it on, the feeling is grounding, he's doing something his dad would've done and for some reason that doesn't feel half as bad, he feels like himself, it was like something had possessed him, the confidence was unwavering, even as he stepped out into the crowded hallway, hands in his pockets, looking ahead, people parted, giving him space and Merlin, did that feel fucking powerful. He rolled his sleeves up to his elbows as he approached the room you'd be in, you always were there on the weekends, with your friends and he didn't think before he stepped into the room, heads turning towards him in shock, even yours but the shock on your face was soon replaced with a smile, quietly waving at him and that right there, fed right into his ego.

He walked over to you in a few quick strides, eyes zeroed in on you, nothing else mattered at that moment, "Can I talk to you?" To say you were surprised would be an understatement, you were ecstatic, you've wanted this for so long, to talk to him in front of others, you never knew if you should because he might've felt uncomfortable, "Yes ofcourse, what is it?" you nod, a smile still on your face, "Alone," his voice was cold, "oh yeah, sure-" you step towards him, thinking he'd lead you somewhere private but he stayed rooted in his place, eyes never leaving yours, he stayed quiet for a bit, taking in your whole self, the bright clothes you were dressed in, the equally bright smile on your face. Then he looked over your head, to the shocked faces of your friends, "Alone." It came out as an order, he couldn't care less.

Mattheo liked this newfound authority, he also relished in the fact that you were being so compliant as if you wanted this to happen and he couldn't be more glad, "Guys, I'll be back, you can go ahead, don't worry," you explained, seeing their hesitance, his unwavering gaze was back on you, brown eyes were intense. The apprehensive group slowly emptied the room and just went the last person was out, Mattheo muttered something under his breath, and the door slammed shut, locking itself.

Mattheo cursed that pretty smile of yours before smiling back, "You have a date? For the ball?" you lowered your eyes to the ground at the question, a shy look grazing your features as you shook your head, the more he looked at you, the more positive he got. "Good." He finally pulled his hands out of his pocket and suddenly there was a bouquet of your favourite flowers in his hand and a velvet box, he wordlessly handed them to you, your eyes were wide, full of amusement, face warm, you noticed how the lights around you got dimmer, the small mock firefly charms that floated in the air, you didn't have a clue on how he was doing all this without his wand but you couldn't bring yourself to think of it, not when you had him standing in front you, in all his glory, about to ask you to the ball, gosh you felt like you were on cloud nine, the guy you were waiting for had actually approached you? You had to be dreaming.

Then out of nowhere, you hear your favourite song but on strings, you look down at the box curiously- "It's the muggle chocolate you were talking about, the one you said was hard to get your hands on," he shrugged nonchalantly, as if it was no big deal but in reality, he was finding the courage to finally tell you what he was feeling, ask you out. Your brows pinched together, as you noticed that all of it was a muggle, even the flower arrangement- the song, how did he do all of this? You looked up at him with an amused look. "No questions please," he breathed out like he was out of breath, you then smiled at him gratefully, and he quickly averted his eyes, his hand subconsciously reaching over to his chest, "Oh Merlin," he exhaled quietly, not being able to look back at you.

He then slowly gathered the courage to look back at you, you were just looking at him patiently, the smile still on your face, Mattheo cleared his throat before opening up, "I have never been the one to be graceful but I want to do this properly." he inhaled sharply before continuing, "Ever since that night, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you, I think I've gone mad honestly," He lets out a dry chuckle shaking his head, looking into your eyes, "I think I've taken a liking to you, your voice, your smile-" and then he interrupts himself, forgetting the little speech he prepared as he watches your smile widen at his words, "yeah that, more of that please," and that makes you blush, the genuine interest in his eyes, the way admiration shines in his eyes, you are so close to him, that you can hear his heart thumping loudly, "I'd like to have the honour of taking you to the ball," then he says your name quietly, "would you like be my date?"

"Yes yes!" you couldn't be more excited, you are quick to throw your arms around him, and all the worries leave his body as soon as he is subjected to your embrace, he closes his eyes, pulling you closer, finding everything comfortable in your grip. His heartstrings thrum at the moment, it was embarrassing how quickly you got him flustered but he didn't seem to mind it. He whispered a small "thank you," before hugging you tighter, you just giggled into his chest and Merlin, did he feel like he had just won the lottery.

...

<<prev work: this love || mattheo riddle

#mattheoxreader #matheo riddle #slytherin boys #mattheo riddle x reader #matheo riddle x reader #mattheo riddle #oneshot #slytherin

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the-monkeies-girl · 3 months

Text

Savior Complex. ( Noa x Human! Reader. ) Part 9.

ack

Title: Savior Complex. Fandom: ( Kingdom of the ) Planet of the Apes. Rating: T. ( Violence, injury, blood, implication of non-consensual happenings. NOTHING NON-CONSENSUAL ACTUALLY HAPPENED/HAPPENS. ) Pairing: Implied! Noa x Human! Reader. Words: 6.4K+ Summary: Noa knew now. He needed to corrupt himself to keep you safe.

READ THE SERIES HERE.AO3 ( Working on adding the chapters. )

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“What does… Death mean to Echo?”

Noa liked to do this, you noticed in the time you had been at the Clan. Only a month or so, but long enough for you to establish relative behavior that turned into small patterns that you were able to recognize. Very much in the same vein that you knew him to wake up before everyone else, to go to the Eagle Enclosure, to hear his singing and proceeding to forget it throughout the day as you were indirectly taking in something you weren’t meant to, that was not meant for Humans, you knew his tendencies.

It was not like it was difficult, after all, Apes… Were very open as far as that went. Privacy seemed the way of the past for them, and it was exclusive to Humanity, or Echo, through and through. They shared things, their conversations all held incredible meaning even if it were simply jokes and pesterance.

As much as you tried to shove aside your feelings for it and to remain as neutral as possible given the circumstances that landed you in the Clan, it was hard not to find it somewhat admirable as your self-loathing piqued intensely at the prospect that… You were told your entire life that they were nothing more than savage beasts.

Reaching down, you let your fingers drift right over the injury on the calf you had sustained from a group of them trying to kill you. It was fading now, scab turning over a new leaf into a silver indentation, a few inches long and it was still tender but it was a stark course of the reminder of who you were, versus who they were. The first question always hit your mind at times like this, times of intense juxtaposition. Where Noa was very obviously seeking a certain answer and yours was not going to satisfy his insatiable need for you to answer it correctly. Were Apes and Humans… Able to live side by side?

Burrowing your eyebrows at the intensity of the question posed by Noa just a few seconds ago, you found yourself replaying it over and over again in your head to the point where his carefully placed phrasing and infliction all sounded sort of dull. It had a multitude of answers, you knew that. And based on the fact that Noa even thought to ask you, it meant that he had a fixed belief, most likely based upon the customs of his Clan from generations ago who planted the very seeds.

Taking your time in contemplation, you dug your fingers into the dirt that you were sitting on top of, letting your eyes drift towards the Chimp who had his back facing your own, his hand tentatively playing with the water of a small stream that seeped into the larger river near the Colony. Where life began, where life ended. Tilting your head at that thought springing to mind at the mere sight of water, silence beckoned you to follow her into an abyss where there were no logical answers and you still found yourself sifting through them in hopes that you could find one to appease him, that tiny bit of yourself convinced that he would attack if you were to answer unfavorably.

Fists drawn into themselves, your knuckles turned white out of mere frustration. Why did he have to pick such difficult questions for you to answer? Why couldn’t he just ask about… Something… Mundane? You knew that wasn’t the point of the agreement you had made, the first time your hands touched upon the understanding as you literally grasped hands to seal the deal. Flashing your digits outwards, you pulsed them to get the blood flowing again.

Death could mean nothing, you could retort with utmost confidence despite not actually knowing but that seemed abhorrently sadistic and you crossed it off the list. It could mean something beyond our control, you could be more optimistic rather than dally in the vague notions that death was truly the end of the line for all living creatures. Drawing a deep breath in, you felt your lungs expanding against your ribs and diaphragm, Noa reacting to the sound itself as he turned his head slightly to the side as you exhaled.

What do you tell an Ape expecting to hear one thing that his entire notion, his entire premise of death and the afterlining of it were not the same culturally? He had to know it was different, that whatever you were going to tell him might not be the same as what he believed his entire life. After all, here you were, Human to Ape, speaking after being torn away from the concept for years upon years of conditioning.

It could send him into a shock, into a flurry of worry and he could end up tearing apart his entire Village in search of the metaphorical answers that always fell behind the inquiry he so blessed you with this Fall afternoon. That was the bargain he made with himself every morning with Noa rose to tend to the birds, singing to them and hoping that the Elders of the past would forgive his trespasses, selfish and needy, towards knowledge that was not available to them because he wanted more. A breeze drew your scent to him, more inviting now that he had gotten to know you a bit more ardently, not on the verge of hostilities towards each other any longer, but now teetering up a delicate tightrope between occult trust and toleration. Green eyes were fixated on the foliage in front of him, trees turning from their happy Summer indentations into the more alluring oranges, yellows, darkened and flushed browns of Fall.

It was this time of year that Noa noticed his coat of fur thickening in preparation of the colder months, and he found himself vaguely curious as to what Echo did during these times. He thought to ask --- But, after contemplation and restlessly obsessing about it, he figured it was a very personal question and left it to stick on the pin-board in the back of his mind. Maybe, he thought to himself and shut his eyes pensively, the water rushing between the hardened pads of his fingers, if you were to bring it up he’d find a justification for asking you what you would do - how you prepared.

That in itself was not what was truly on his mind, Noa knowing fully well that the question he brought to the front of today’s conversation, was a very loaded one indeed. He wanted to know, his gaze drifted to the sky above, alight happily with the same blue that chased the moon away and clung desperately to the loneliness of the sun, just what it meant to someone else. Someone who shared nothing of his ideas, pressing that… That his Father was truly watched over him. That his Father guided him in life now, after promises of many lessons to teach before he was taken away.

Noa never felt intended for the name ‘Master of the Birds’ because his Father never put blind faith in his abilities, never harbored them like he should have, like his Mother often did. His Father, soaring high up above the blue sky, high above the curvature of the Earth, led a helping hand in Noa’s decision now, and that caused him to scoff it off. Deep down… He wanted to believe that maybe his Father was seeking to build a bridge that he hated in life, volatile towards Echo. It would make Noa feel better about his choice to let you stay, knowing one of the last things his Father warned him about was the danger that always followed Echo footsteps.

“Really depends…” You finally spoke up, taking the Chimpanzee right out of the trance that he had sought for in the recent weeks, riddled with guilt that he was making a choice that was not beneficial or fruitful in anyway, even though you were giving him information about the world that he knew he’d never experience otherwise. Ignorance is bliss, and Noa beat himself up occasionally thinking about how ignorantly blissful he had once been before his village was destroyed, before he met an Echo, before he fought Proximus and came out a Leader without any idea of how to lead. He sighed deeply, your eyes following the intense motion of his shoulders rising and then falling more aggressively. Noa figured there was more to your statement, you left it open for a reason.

“Death could mean a lot of things.” Turning his head towards you, eye contact was flurried as it so often was. Falling in line with the idea of trust yet taking complete hold. Noa brought his envy colored eyes back forward on a tree in front of him once again, though you were admittedly searching to look into his irises for a basis of how he wanted you to answer. “We Humans,” Sighing gently, you lifted your body and trailed in closer to him, finally dropping to your knees beside him. Noa did not react to that, but watched with acute focus as you drew your hand into the water and began mimicking his own hand movements. To the right, to the left. Against the current, with the current.

“We have a saying. That Death brings new beginnings. It’s probably a really outdated saying, but…” Shrugging your shoulders, Noa felt a shuddering in your heart beat as he gazed upon your neck, watching your jugular strain to find comprehension and words. Tears were being forced back, your lips being wetted by your tongue as you stood promptly, leaving him wondering if he had just seen a glimmer of vulnerability within you. How odd not to seek comfort when obviously pained, Noa drew his teeth together at your finishing phrase.

“I’d like to believe that’s true.”

Noa did too.

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Three Months, he told Eagle Sun with his eyes, letting his hand press against the undercarriage of the bird. You had been gone for three months and no matter how many times he pressured himself and challenged his mind to not think about you, Noa found it impossible. Even the most simple and ever-day living tasks where flooded with recollections. He hated the feeling that it left him. Hollow and swallowed out, like the walnuts that rested in twine against his cross-body bag.

Desolate and barely even comprehensible. His days were torn into politics, many meetings with the Elders as Noa accepted he needed to learn about their customs and engrain himself in them for his fellow Apes, for the future. He even went as far as to invite Soona with him on some days, just for the company. Never Anaya, he was not into politics and thought most of the Elders got crazier with age. Days were drawn to a close when he’d return to the birds, placing Eagle Sun happily upon his perch and caressing his small head in the fitted garment to help him sleep for the night.

This particular evening was mild, the breeze shooting in through the open room relaxing enough and it bristled against his fur delectably as he plucked a few blue feathers from Sun. Small beady eyes stared at him intently as he did it, Noa making a snide comment towards his feathery companion, “I do not know why you look at me like this,” His voice was soft but held animosity around the corners, especially on certain and inflicted words, “I set her free. You should be… Happy… For Clan, no Echo to bother us anymore. Apes… Can prosper without being… torn down.”

Like he was expecting an answer, he paused and brought his head down to inspect Sun’s wing a bit more closely. There was something in his wing, something slick. Must have gotten too close to something that was sticky and Noa found it amazing that his bird was even able to make the venture home as he tilted his broad body and grasped a cloth to---

That smell.

Noa’s brow ridge secluded itself from the rest of his expression as it was drawn inwards, his entire head dropping to get a bit closer to what was on Sun’s wings to inspect further. Eyes pressed together tightly as he tried to get his vision to focus in the dim lighting that was provided by the dying fire in the middle of the enclosure, often left to die on its own once Noa wrapped his duties off and trailed towards the communal nest for rest. Never enough rest, but just enough to get him through his days agonizingly.

If he was tired, it did not leave much energy to think about Echo, he was throwing chips into a game he had never played before as he lightly placed his fingers along the under wing span of Sun who let him do what he needed, either intentionally or out of submission, Noa was unsure but moved forward. From the breast of the bird and then outwards, tickling the tips of his feathers delicately. The smell itself was familiar in nature, something Noa was able to place only once or twice since the agreement was made and then faltered and you left him alone. Bringing his body into a straight position, Noa’s hand rose with his actions and he was able to see the gleam on the tips of his fingers. Green eyes were dilated, mouth falling ajar.

Red.

Not as red as freshly spilled blood and it was cold, but there was no denying. Noa was slow to rise, looking at Eagle Sun who innocently pushed his head to the side inquiring what his Master was now going to do with the information given. Noa cursed inside of his head the only way he knew how. Scolding the bird, it was the bird's fault he did not tell Noa! Then, rationally hit him once he realized that the bird could not speak and thus… Gave Noa context clues.

“Where is she?” He asked, Sun flapping his wings ardently once, twice, Noa felt the breeze of his wings against his face, “Hurt?” Eagle Sun flapped again, giving a small squawk of confirmation.

Noa was fast - he needed to get a horse prepared, knowing that he had given you his own. Anaya’s would work, it was faster than Soona’s from the aspect that Anaya really pushed his to be the fastest of the bunch as to lead them when they were out together as a trio. Raising his hand, blood smeared into the fur of his shoulder as he beckoned Eagle Sun with a pat, the bird all too eager to fly the short distance and land himself there, talons grasping Noa tightly but not so much so that he was bleeding but he wished that were the case as to spare him the ideas, the visuals of you, frail and weak in the wilderness, your blood sept around your frame and leaving the most beautiful but most heart-shattering visual of your body imprinted in the mud.

“Need to find… her.” Noa told Sun in rushed silence. “Do not… Wake Anaya… Soona… Do not know I sent her away,” He gasped, turning on his feet and shuffling to grasp a speared staff, a dagger of sorts that was slid into his front waist sitting sack. “Would… be… unforgiving of Noa… If she is dead.”

Saying it felt awful, leaving an iron-like taste in his mouth that began to dwindle with the scent of your blood hitting the back of his throat. Guilt could reach up and consume him, Noa knew that. He could stop his movements now and decide that… You were dead and going out to find you would garner him nothing other than momentous pain and agony for years to come.

Squeezing his eyes shut, he slammed one of his fists against his thigh and grunted at the dulled vibration that brought to his muscles. Dead or alive, Noa needed to find you. He needed it. He was not afraid. He was, by the highest Eagle in the sky, the long forgotten Elders that were no longer spoken of but still remained in their culture through teachings, the Master of the Birds, and he feared nothing, not even fear itself.

Eagle Sun seemed to understand the concepting of stealth as he was quiet upon his Master’s shoulders as Noa drew down the spiraling walkway. Quickened pace, but light on his feet for his weight, Noa dropped immediately to all fours the moment he hit dirt and pushed his body as quickly as it would take him. You were dead, he convinced himself of that, because if you were alive and he found you then at least he could garner some satisfaction. There was none in death, he realized, no satisfaction if he found you not breathing and if he convinced himself that it was that way from the beginning, he didn't need to rack himself with guilt that he was unable to get to you in time.

Time… Noa snapped bitterly at himself, if he had just given it more time, you’d still be here… With him… Such a foolish thing to do, sending you off on your own. Noa was too proud to admit it for the three months he spent dwelling about it and he was in the deeper throes of self-agonizing hatred that he realized it now, too late. He no longer wanted to spend night after night alone in the Eagle Enclosure, never wanting to admit to even his own Mother that he was plagued with guilt from the loss of his Father and then the loss of you. Noa came to a skidded stop upon arrival at the horse paddock, raising a hand for Eagle Sun to soar into the sky as he grasped Anaya’s horse by the reins and pulled him gently out of his slumber and into the dimly lit stable.

Good, Noa thought to himself in the scramble, unable to contain the shake of his fists and the twitching that was ravaging his face, Anaya forgot to take the saddle off just like Noa anticipated. Lazy Ape to the rescue, he thanked his friend's personality for that one and trailed outwards, horse in tow.

There was a distant neigh coming from the East.

Noa looked up upon that, thinking for a split second that it had been Anaya’s horse protesting being woken up in the middle of the night. Or… Impossible, Noa scolded his wishful thinking, heart racing inside of his chest as he grasped the saddle with one arm, and with one intended swoop of his big frame, he got himself perched upon the animal. Sliding his spear into a purposefully built sheath on the side of the horse, he grasped the reins tightly and prepared to depart at mind-numbing quickness but was torn away from another neigh, this one a bit closer.

The call was recognizable now. His horse. Frantic, feet beating into the ground and brought shards of Earth up upon impact, harder than Noa’s heart was beating against his ribs which was a feverish pace and left his organs beckoning for a break. No, Noa said. He was going to push himself to the very brink of death if he had to, just to make up for a biased choice that he should have never made out of not understanding the actual implications of the last conversation you had together. Pained, he knew how it felt to run against the hard ground, he suddenly felt empathy for his horse, how afraid she was. Noa tried to keep himself calm but to no avail. He was afraid. He was the Master of the Birds and he was afraid.

Squinting his eyes towards the sound now, he shuffled Anaya’s horse just a bit to get them to calm down as his own came barreling through the trees and into the field adjacent to where Noa was. Instinctively, Noa was fast to dismount Anaya’s animal and raced towards his own, struggling to get the reins in his hands. Eagle Sun screeched in the air.

The smell of your blood was hitting every one of his senses now like you were bleeding out right in front of him, his glance spotting the nature of your items still locked in the carriers near the rear of the horse. Given the framed light of the fire stakes around the village and the dimness that he got from the very stars above, Noa was able to see a fresh hand-print of blood atop the brown stallion, right at the cusp of where you needed to grip to get on.

He drifted towards the saddle itself. Blood upon the notch in the front that was also the pressure point you grasped on to. This was smeared, like you had tried to get on but were dragged off before you could get situated. Swallowing hard, he couldn’t put any logic to it other than you had tried to mount her, tried to get away from whatever attack was placed on you and were unable. Realization hit him harder than intended, Noa went flurrying. You couldn’t even get mounted on the horse! You were so weak and injured you couldn’t find it in yourself to get on top so she could bring you back to the Clan. Back to Home. Back to… Him.

Finally, after an intricate dance and having to calm his horse down with words of recognition that they had no means to be afraid any longer, Noa grasped their muzzle in with a tight hold and brought his other hand to the reins. Ceremoniously, his forehead touched the horses before crackling took hold on his ears and petted the side of their head to get them to calm down. Ho stupid Noa was to let you go… How stupid… Immature now… That he… Let you die… A straggled sound left his throat, incredibly guttural in nature and he roared, not a care in the world anymore if he woke up the entire village, the entire valley, the entire Earth.

He did this to himself.

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“Do you know what love is?”

Noa’s intense focus on his hands, tightly balling together a piece of twine as he needed to fix Eagle Sun’s mask, was drawn towards you at the draw of your words as you had been lingering near him in the utmost silence, watching as he finnicked around thinned twine with his thicker fingers. Given --- In the three months that you had now been with the Clan, he did not find you much of a talker but he still held on hope that you would eventually warm up to him and finally feel comfortable to say something outside of the realm of the conversations that he always sparked.

This--- Noa tilted his head minutely, looking at the curve of your lips as you formed the questions, freshly imprinted in his mind as he innately thought that Echo lips were intensely interesting, able to tell many emotions from just that part of the body before he was drawn back into the question, this was new, Noa noted with piqued interested and a small bit of untangled pride hit his abdomen uncomfortably making him shift in his seated position. Noa pressed his lips together into a rather flat line as he contemplated your inquiry.

“Describe to me.”

It was your turn to find his words encapsulating in every sense of the word. You knew how he talked to Soona and Anaya - Always flirtatious it seemed, brimmed with happiness, jokes and laughter. This was different, the direction of his phrasing that he used with you. Attentive to your emotions, he knew when to use certain inflictions, when to joke and when to soothe if needed. He…

Drawing your bottom lip inwards, Noa watched it for a second and let a small huff leave his nose, he was intuitive. Incredibly so that you felt a small swell of indescribable pressure lingering in your lower navel, right below your belly button as you wanted him to look at you again. He was only intuitive out of need, not want and you needed to convince yourself of that as your stares at each other were becoming more prolonged, you began yearning on the days with Anaya and Soona who had taken to you and began teaching you how to sign that Noa would help you instead.

Shifting in your seat, you looked off in the distance, trying to find a fixed point where your mind was able to wash itself of the idea that you might start caring for him if he showed even the slightest interest in you. This, after all, you calmed yourself down and drew in deep breaths, was an agreement made to benefit you both. No emotional ties, in fact, Noa often reminded you that you were indeed free to go but you stayed. The reason was not clear, but you found yourself eager in the morning to him to draw you away.

Your fingers flicked in your lap as you heard Noa growl something to himself along the lines of ‘I cannot get this to stay knotted’ and you watched another fruitless attempt as he started over again, drawing your attention his his mouth when he placed the twine onto his tongue and then pressed his fingers against it to get it to flatten and not fray around the edge. “I---” You stumbled over yourself, suddenly unprepared for the retort that you had gotten. He had to have known what it was… Right? There was love within the Apes. He obviously loved Soona and Anaya, great friends, his Mother, even to an extent, the Elders that he sparsely talked about, and even less known to you was his actual relationship with his Father. “I don’t really know how…”

“Then why ask?” Noa almost sounded amused, his muzzle protruding out a bit in focus as he brought the twine close to his face and bent it into a small circle. Almost… Almost… Growling again, he placed the item down on the bench in front of him and took a deep breath in.

“I guess its like a bond.” You explained in layman terms. You knew he’d understand, letting your gaze fall on the Eagle that was always watching Noa with the power of a thousand Suns. Maybe, you giggled in your mind and nodded slightly, that’s where his name came from. “Mutual… Respect.” It was your turn to choose your words carefully as you were unsure of which he knew of and which you were going to need to explain, putting a pin in the whole beginning question and going down a deeper rabbit hole.

“Trust. Affection,” Pausing at that one, you expected Noa to respond with another ‘what is that’ but he didn't, letting his green eyes flush against the twine in front of him as he was very obviously processing what you were saying. “It’s… A feeling. Like, you can’t live without something, like… Thinking about the thing makes you feel…” You touched your chest, right where your heart sat and Noa found that interesting.

He narrowed his eyes on it as you pattered your fingertip against your heart beat and for a moment of drawn out fantasies, he imagined himself placing his hand there before the shock of his thoughts came barreling down on him when he took note of how your skin seemed to glow in the sun peeking in through the roofing made of thin pieces of woods tied together. Echo skin, he said, always so fragile in itself. Squishy, it appeared. Noa looked away again, puffing his cheeks out. Nothing in him told him to keep looking but he wanted to just in the morbid nature that maybe he could feel your skin with his eyes.

“It makes you feel alive.” Noa’s face contorted into perplexity. He… Was alive. Right then and there as blood pounded through his body from his heart. All the way down to his toes and to the very tips of his finger. Echo phrasing, he scolded you inside of his mind, never made sense. Stupid allegories.

“Alive?”

“Like you’re an Eagle soaring through the toughest storm to get home to your family.”

Noa nodded, still not quite understanding but willing to accept that that’s what love was to you.

●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・●・○・

Green eyes dilated into black upon the sight of flames erupting from the woods. Not the actual trees themselves, but… From the gait and bounce, it was someone on horseback. A group on horseback. Four, Noa was able to detect as they came to the cusp of the woods and made themselves known. Echo.

Noa’s stomach hurdled like he was going to get sick, flashing back to the night that he was too terrified to face his own Death when Sylva’s… Proximus’ hand came down on his village and destroyed them, ripping the very foundations of the clan and customs into shreds, only now a year later have they finally learned to prosper and to be unafraid of the nights that surrounded tem. Noa was unable to face it then, unable to get there quick enough to warn. His hands balled into a fist as Anaya came on his right side, followed moments later by Soona who was asking what happened - Having heard the shattering roar Noa released less than a minute ago.

Soona’s question wasn’t worth an answer as her eyes trailed where Noa was watching, the overpowering scent of blood mixed with sadistic means came to flourish against all their noses, a powerful waft from the Echo that had just arrived. Without hesitation, hackles arose along their body, fur bristling to the brim at the arrival. You--- Noa snarled, hunching his shoulders more aggressively as he released his horse. You brought Echo!

After all this time… You were still just a disgusting low… Human. Noa growled again, baring his fangs as he tore his gaze between the Echo in front of him. What was he expecting? A bed full of roses, you laying right in the middle of it? No! His mind yelled at him, scratching at the inside of his skull as aggression started to unfold. He was surely a dumb Ape, your words not his, to even comprehend that there was ever any good in you. His horse fled, going towards Anaya’s for comfort. The pair touched noses with each other, Noa saw it out of the corner of his eye but the affection made him all the more rigid with carnal and defensive strides. His breathing was hard, still through his nose and he sensed his friends next to him hunch onto all fours, ready to defend and attack when Noa gave the word. Soona thought for a second - she was able to go grasp her sling and a few rocks to inflict more damage, but she’d be okay using her teeth, hands and brute strength. Anaya was more than okay with the same premise as Soona, but did entertain the notion of grasping the spear from his horse that Noa had grabbed earlier.

“We brought your little pet home.”

Noa thought they were alluding to his horse, letting his eyes flicker to her for a moment before he was thrusted back into the Echo in front of them, their pace steady and slow as the horses trotted inwards towards the Clan. There was laughter from a female behind the male who was leading the pack as she twisted her body, contorting enough to light one of the huts on the outskirts, this one used for making threads and cloths, ablaze with the touch of the torch. Noa lurched at that, going only two feet forward as he barked at them, a bid to get them either to stop or to submit. Their choice. But, the option of not stopping was always an option and it appeared they were choosing that.

‘Two females, two males.’ Noa signed silently at Soona and Anaya who gave each other an understanding gaze. Always a benefit of knowing signs. You had the advantage of silent communications.

The male, stocky in build, Noa decided was going to be the first to take down. Take down the Leader, the rest are sure to follow and he knew that from experience. The man’s horse --- Noa would be able to take the feet down or he could lunge straight at the Echo atop the animal, the muscles in his thighs tightened in anticipation.

“Oh,” He laughed this time, watching the crackling flame of the hut that had been set on fire with acute and smiling eyes. Amused. Noa’s brow drew in on itself at the reaction, head tilting to the side. “You think I mean the horse.”

Fauxly, he slapped his forehead and with a raise of his hand, alerting the three Apes to adverse danger, the man snapped his fingers, the sound mixing with the reverb from the flames themselves “Almost forgot. Horses are your equals, I was talking about this delectable little fireball.”

You came into vision, being trailed by a female and a male on foot. 6 in total now, they had been obscured by the rest of the party. Feet sliding against the ground, arms dangling as that was the appendage you were being dragged along by. Noa was able to see the blood that was dancing behind you from both of your calves, mouth suddenly going dry at that. It was apparent from the bobbing of your head, forwards only, back and forth like you were looking at the ground and nodding, that you were unconscious.

“You know, I didn't think you Apes kept humans as pets? Did you teach her any good tricks?” The smile was arrogant and dripping with implications that Noa himself did not fully understand.

Noa looked for a sign that you were breathing anything--- He yearned just to see the shape of your shoulders rising and falling but as you were literally dragged out as a display, it was hard to garner your movements versus the rough handling you were brought forward with. “Hard to tell if this one is yours though, no collar or anything to bring it back to its owner.”

You were grasped by your hair and brought upwards to dangle, your toes barely scraping the ground, face finally coming to fruition for Noa to see and he… Wished he hadn’t. There were cuts along your chin and lips, swelling along your right eye and a pretty deep gash along the left of your cheek, from a weapon of sorts Noa had to figure it was not made by the usual tussling of fighting with hands. “ It’s a really pretty one, I hate to give it back, you know, with humanity dying and such…” Noa had no idea he had even stopped breathing upon seeing you, his breath falling out of his nose hard at the first exhalation he had at the last minute. There was crested blood along your hairline, presumably from a blunted weapon that caused you to black out, mixing grotesquely with mud and twigs from the ground below. You had fought, it was evident in the scratches he could see on your knuckles and some on the softer nature of your palms.

He had… done this… Noa drew in a bit more, a foot this time and tried to find your eyes but they were sealed shut from intense swelling. Subconsciously, upon feeling your hair getting tugged so hard, your lip did twitch giving a minor indication to him that you were alive. Noa saw nothing but red once he gauged your body and looked upwards towards the man, saliva licking inside of his mouth in preparation of sinking his canines into the Echo’s neck.

“We don’t really kill other humans, hope you understand why we didn't finish the job. She’s all yours.”

You were tossed forward, lifelessly sitting only a meter in front of Noa now. Nothing more than a heap of tangled and ripped clothing, your fingernails coated in mud from the desperation you felt trying to crawl away from the attack on your legs. He watched it, the way your body crunched onto the ground below with an absolutely stomach churning sound. His lips parted, he knew that Anaya and Soona were questioning Noa’s motives, it becoming more and more clear that he had let this happen and as a consequence, Echo were now here to take what they wanted.

‘Soona,’ Noa signed, looking over at her from his periphery. She tensed at the attention that was called to her as he got her full eyes on him with a click of his tongue. His signing was fastened and blurred, but it got the point across. ‘Grab my Echo.' Noa felt assured in that. His. ‘Take some place safe, then get Mother and help others to safety.’

Noa was prepared this time, his chest swelling as he looked over towards his other friend as Soona hunched onto all fours, cautious at first as she grasped hold of you, able with her enhanced strength to actually hike you up and trail somewhere. Anywhere. Noa watched with anticipation as you were taken by Soona, away into the woods somewhere in hopes that you would be alright. Just like you had said to him so long ago… Like an Eagle flying through the toughest storm… You were home, just not the way that Noa wanted.

‘Anaya, with Noa. Wait for command. Anaya go right.' Noa tilted his head and studied the man in front of him.

'I go right.'

●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・○・●・●・○・ TAGLIST:

@ohwaitimthewriter @hera-annwn @saturnnie-03 @filliandkili

@hadesbabygurl @supergoat12 @moonchild1433

@kaenalsha @unsteady-bitch @whamsworld

@yummyfanta @nuhteyam @babylockley @edynmeyer1 @callsignwidow @moonlightnyx

#noa #noa x reader #noa x human reader #pota #planet of the apes #noa pota #owen teague #emmy writes #fanfiction #fanfic #ao3 fanfic

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artdcnaldson · 1 month

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alright so in relation to the thing where art shows pats sister porn videos as like "inspiration" for things they're gonna do together, aka he's slowly corrupting her by normalizing these things for her. so i have 2 additional ideas for this, am gonna send them seperately and then you can just pick what you wanna do first, cuz the order is really not important.

so 1st idea: so maybe he gets really into the idea choking her, cuz we all know, well-established, that he loves to feel that power over her. and it starts as just like a way he wants to keep her in place, so he starts sending her like porn videos where its concluded, just like a lose hand around the girls throat. maybe its not even a real grip in the first ones, just a caress? just to get her into it, not that she wouldnt do anything he asks anyway. but slowly the videos gets rougher, maybe it leans slightly into breathplay too, akin to plugging her nose, but like still on the gentle side. but she likes it, not just seeing it, she likes when he does it. it feels good to have him grip her, feels good to get lightheaded, maybe she even gets off on him controlling whether she gets to breathe for not…. so he keeps doing it.

and one day he loses himself a bit, he had a bad day on the court, lost a game he should've won in his sleep, so he's pissed off. but he decides that the best way to get it out is to fuck her pussy, just really pounding her, bullying her little cervix. honestly it's a miracle if she can walk tomorrow. and as he's abusing her little cunt he has a firm hand around her throat, they've done this many times before.

but he's so lost in himself and getting his anger out he forgets to really focus on her and she ends up getting lightheaded from him squeezing too hard. but with his other hand over her mouth to cover moans she cant tell him to ease up. she ends up passing out (briefly), it's nothing serious shes fine really, but it freaks him out deeply and unlocks a more tender side to him and his true care for her. it really was never his intention to hurt her, its different from when he first slapped her, where he also felt awful, but could tell right away that she was okey and into it. this time she just kind of goes limp under him for a minute, and it scares the living shit out of him, because he cant communicate with her right away. he cant check that shes okey beyond check her pulse and breathing, but hes like crying and cradling her when she wakes up.

he has to spend the rest of the evening holding her tight to him and assuring her that he never meant to hurt her. it takes her ages to try to get him back into gently choking her, cuz she really did like it. but hes too scared hes going to hurt her again…

again not super slutty, but i just love love y'all!!!! i need them to be in looooooooove <3

-🐞

GODDDD my babies <3 I’ve abandoned them for too long <3

He knows you have a thing for his hands, it’s why he isn’t surprised you’re so willing when he starts sending you the choking videos. You’re always playing with his fingers absently, tangling his hand with yours, smiling all giddy and sweet when he wraps a hand around your thigh. You fucking love them— he sees you staring at them so much. So of course your eyes light up when he actually wraps his hand around your throat, just resting it there for the first few times, until you get impatient and put your hand on top of his, until you make him squeeze.

He should’ve known better than to try it after the match against Columbia, when he kept double faulting and missing returns that should’ve been easy. Every time he hit into the net it just made it worse and worse. He didn’t smash his racket, which was a miracle, because he wanted to. He wanted to squeeze the hilt in his palm and hit and hit until it shattered.

You were there, because of course you were— in Stanford tennis tee shirt so tight that it had to have been from the children’s section. With black eyeliner, you’d written a pretty A on your cheekbone for him. He’s snapping at you, rolling his eyes like every word you say is a huge inconvenience. You’re infuriating him by being so nice, by coddling him.

Sitting on his bed, legs crossed beneath you. “You played so well, Art, really. He was just a really good competitor, and now you know where you need to improve for next ti—“

“Can you just shut the fuck up?” He snaps, and you swallow hard, but nod.

He’s mad. Of course he’s mad, he lost. But you can help! You always know exactly what he needs. Slowly, you peel your shirt off, and he swears under his breath as your bare tits are revealed to him— the prettiest fucking sight in the world. And you don’t say anything as you strip, like you both already know where this is going to go. Just tug off your jean shorts and panties and lay back on his bed.

“You can take it out on me.”

And he does. You’re already wet, because you always get wet when he’s mean to you, but it’s not enough to make you comfortable without prep. You whine and dig your nails into his shoulders as he stuffs you full of his cock without bothering to get you ready for it. “Just fuckin’ take it—“ You pant and try to relax, to open yourself up for him as he fucks into your cunt.

You’re loud— you’re always so fucking loud— he just needs you to shut the fuck up for one goddamn second and let him cum. It hurts and you’re whimpering, babbling and squeezing him with your tight little pussy. With each moan and grunt that escapes him, you get fucking wetter, you get louder.

The second his hand wraps around your throat, your eyes roll back and the prettiest moan escapes your lips. He tightens his grip and your cunt squeezes him, sucks him in deeper.

“Jesus, you’re a fucking slut for it, huh? You want it harder?” You nod, eyes half-lidded and hazy. Your moans are choked and pathetic until he covers your mouth with a heavy hand over your mouth, muffling every whimper and gasp behind a thick palm.

He watches your lashes flutter with each rough thrust into your cunt. He should’ve known when your grip on his shoulders went lax, when your soft moans went quiet. He feels it when you lose consciousness, when your arms drop by your side and you go completely limp beneath him, eyes rolling back behind your lids, lips parted and unmoving.

He panics immediately, slapping your cheeks softly, trying to rouse you back into consciousness. “C’mon,” he says softly, popping your cheek. “Hey, wake up—“

You’re still breathing, he knows that, at least. And he has the decency to pull out while you’re passed out, not that he can stay hard when he’s so fucking scared that you’re going to hate him. You’re warm in his lap, and he feels your heart thrumming beneath his palm as he holds you. You look so peaceful, so soft and young. He knows then why Patrick never wanted this— he was always going to fucking hurt you eventually.

It takes barely over two minutes for you to wake up, but it feels like a fucking lifetime. Your brows furrow and you blink slowly, bleary. There’s a scratchiness in your voice that fucking kills him. “Mmm… sorry—“ you manage. “Didn’t mean to.”

It kills him. Really fucking kills him. “No it’s my fault, I was… that was fucking horrible.”

“No, Art, it’s fine. I told you to take it out on me.” You give a weak smile. “Did you cum, At least?”

Art knows he’s a bad person. He wishes he was better, that he didn’t corrupt you to this extent. He wants you to have a normal crush on a normal boy who wouldn’t dream of taking you to that point. He wants you to care about your own body more than you care about whether or not he got off. He hates the way you worship him as much as he can’t live without it.

#Patrick’s sister au #tw breath play #tw noncon #kind of! not really but just to be safe #🐞 anon

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2smolbeans · 1 month

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stop the angst potential after they corrupt their angel darling and realize they have completely and irrevocably changed the love of their life. like with asmo, now that they have sinned—now that they know what pleasure feels like, they have no reason to stay loyal to him alone. or with satan, if you aren’t the literal symbol of patience and peace, you have no reason to put up with him. you have no reason to deal with his wrath and his outbursts. omfg imagine levi unintentionally causing his darling to be just as insecure and envious as him—leading to you hating him because he uses his power and influence against you. or with lucifer, like if his darling just became an entirely new person. they don’t care about him anymore, why should they? they’re too good for that now. they have bigger and better things to do than be stuck with him and his annoying controlling tendencies. now that he has shown them how freeing it is, they don’t need him anymore. like imagine it finally settling in that they’ve made an irreversible mistake and no matter how hard they try, they’ve permanently lost you—the you they fell in love with. sure they can trap you in their house, force you to stay with them for eternity, but it’ll never be the same. you’ll never be the same. i mean we see how bad belphie got when he was locked up in that attic despite the fact that he was once an angel. oh and diavolos disappointment when he learns what the brothers did. god the angst.

Context post

...Bro..I love this. You absolutely cooked fr-

No, because you're literally right about that - sure, when you fall, it's exciting at first for them.. There's kind of like a honeymoon phase where they can nuture you, act like they care while you're all confused and panicking about the traumatic change that just happened. Falling isn't something that's easy, and it's an extremely painful thing to happen to an angel. So many things could happen. Wings can fall off, horns can start protruding and growing from the skull, and scales can start to flake all over the skin. Don't forget about the new rush of foreign emotions that can hit a fallen angel!

In the beginning, you're completely vulnerable to them. They calm you with their words, telling you it's gonna be okay - because they were once also fallen angels as well! Eventually, the honeymoon phase ends, and you begin to get more comfortable in your demonic body. You begin to explore different things, learn different things.. And you become a whole new person.

It's not the same, and there are some moments where they wish you were the same angel they once knew.

It wasn't a total loss for Lucifer. You were still beneath him. Only he could now control everything about you now that you were a demon like him. There was no heaven to protect you. There was no one to care about you but him. He could care less about your good nature and more about how you humored his ego.

But, he would be lying if he didn't miss the way you would keep to yourself, not trying to flash or make every gesture about how grand and great you were. He kind of missed the way you would meekly whisper in his ear, laughing about something so small and sharing stories about heaven in secret. He missed your naive nature. He missed the way you would stare at him with amazement.

Mammon, on the other hand, was devastated when you fell. At first, he enjoyed your new spunk nature. It was a sight of sore eyes for the fallen angel that was once charitable to be robbing people blind. But after that, he hated himself for it. He was mostly against corrupting you since he knew that once you fell, there was no going back. Sure, he enjoyed how insatiable you were and loved to watch you indulge in sin, but he sure as hell missed how you would selflessly give. Maybe because back then, he was able to take advantage of it.. But mostly because of how he was able to feel special. Sure, now you were somewhat equal to him, and he could now rule over you, but there was no longer a guarantee that you would love him out of the goodness of your heart.

Leviathan.. Oh boy. To be honest, it's hard. On one part, he loves how you fell hard, how he was able to watch you suffer.. On the other hand, he hates how you won't ever show him kindness. You merciful, you're cruel and snappy from the resentment you hold for him. You aren't compassionate. You are bitter and cold. He can't blame you. He's the reason you're like this. But god, doesn't he imagine if he could turn back time to when you used to praise him with your comforting words.

And like you mentioned with Asmodeus- yeah! It's painful when he realises you don't love him anymore. The number of orgies and parties won't make up for your lack of devotion or loyalty you once had for him. Sure, it's more than fun to watch a modest angel now fall into depravity, but he sometimes wishes you were your old self. More reserved, collected, and faithful. Sure, he saw you as a prude with your modesty, but looking back.. Was it really that bad?

Satan, on the other hand, regrets it. Instead of balancing his rage, your new personality now fuels it. You are so full of vengeance, hatred, and regret. You don't even try to bother with Satan anymore. His mere presence sets you off to a flying rant of how awful he is and how much you hate him for turning you into this horrible individual. He misses your patience because at least there was something that helped or at least tried to mediate his pain. Now, there's nothing but hatred and resentment for him.

Belphegor regrets it. Of course, he loves it now that you're on his level, dreaming away into another reality while he keeps you in his arms. But he won't ever hear your voice talk to him with that clear chipper tone - nagging at him to do something or yapping away when he's closing his eyes. You won't ever look into his eyes with those colorful irises. He won't see the life in your eyes like before. You're now there, like a shell of your former self, eyelids nearly opened with no effort to talk or do anything. It's easier to handle you now, but he does miss the way you used to fight with him about being productive or just really anything that was you from before.

Beelzebub I can see him regretting it. I can see him trying to get you to do the things you did before (fly, tell stories, and the whatnot), but it never goes well. He'll ask you about your day, and you'll just complain about how much your body hurts. He knows you hate him for causing your fall, and he knows there's not much he can do. What's done is done. You tell him how nasty you feel, how this raw insatiable desire for food makes you want to rip out your eyes, how painful it is to be a demon- and all he can do is look at you with guilt. He'll teach you a few things about how to handle being a demon as a way to make it up to you, but he knows nothing ever well. If he wanted to make it up to you, he'd let you go and live your life alone as a fallen angel.. Not coddle you with his pity.

But overall, eventually, as time passes, they'll get over this guilt and mourning over your past self and start to find new ways to use it as an advantage. I mean when a door closes, a new opportunity always opens up!

#obey me au #yandere obey me #yandere obey me x reader #yandere obey me au #yandere obey me headcanons #obey me headcanon #obey me imagines #obey me prompts #obey me swd #obey me shall we date #obey me scenarios #yandere obey me prompts

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afsosville · 9 days

Text

Time to over-analyze things with limited canonical information just because. Here are some of the reasons why Qing Jing may have been a hindrance to Shen Jiu's emotional development and solidified his corruption arc>>

Qing Jing was like the perfect peak to let all his mental wounds fester if you think about it.

Shen Jiu acting like nobility or an educated young master (as most disciples of Qing Jing are) is purely a coping mechanism. It literally screams masking! While the exact circumstances of how he got chosen for Qing Jing is unknown, we can assume he didn't have a choice since most disciples typically just follow their new master to wherever they take them from the selection grounds (with the exception of Bai Zhan lol). He was most likely hoisted onto the Qing Jing peak lord, as no master would've wanted him because of his fucked up meridians and late age. They acquiesced to take him anyway coz of Yue Qingyuan's/the sect leader's insistance. And because it's Shen Jiu, he would naturally do whatever it took to get to the top, and if he started acting like the very sort of people he hates, then so be it.

You can imagine how disastrous imitating his abusers is going to be (he's imitating noblemen in general, but he's definitely taking the Qiu's as a primary example). Shen Jiu clearly is trying to remove and forget everything about his past, and even accepts the rumours of him being a spoiled young master to cast away suspicion. He is coping hard. Not to mention, he was named QingQIU when he became Qing Jing's succeeding disciple. Listen I don't care if it was a bad coincidence or not but that doesn't endear me to Shen Jiu's shizun in the slightest (I'm only talking abt SJ's shizun in canon, not fics, the fics are great. But it's more than likely that SJ's shizun was negligent or abusive as well. Here's why I think that). Between all of this, there's no way he's processing any of that trauma when he's constantly forced to remember all of it. No wonder he slipped into the abuser role easily since he's literally out here actually being made to copy their behavior.

Qing Jing and even the rest of Cang Qiong were always hostile to Shen Jiu, even in his discipleship. These ppl went out of their way to run interventions on Shen Jiu when he's minding his own business. Yes I'm talking abt the whole brothel thing. There were doubtlessly so many disciples who went for the very reasons Shen Jiu was assumed of going for, so why is he the only one getting shit for it? Not only was going to brothels not even a crime worthy of conviction, it was even normalized to an extent. And it would've been so easy to figure out if he really was going for anything "lecherous" by just asking the women there. The fact that, that whole ordeal was never cleared up just shows they didn't actually care about the women or what he was supposedly doing to them. They only cared because it was Shen Jiu who was involved.

Shen Jiu being on any other peak would change things for sure even if it's marginally. Its probably just wistful thinking, but I know at least half of those peaks, even the fanon ones, would be better than Qing Jing at any rate. Again, Shen Jiu would claw his way up and try to succeed any way he can, so if he were put on another peak that would be a somewhat healthy environment for him, he would do well, regardless of the peak. Him doing well on Qing Jing doesn't mean anything other than showing off his awesome(horrible and problematic) coping skills. So really, I can't help but think Qing Jing wasn't a good fit for him, especially with Shen Jiu's specific brand of trauma.

I did a pole once asking if Shen Jiu would've done better on another peak, or if they were just curious to see him anywhere else, and I'm not surprised that the most voted for peak was Yin Hui, the fanon peak for espionage and assassins. Now I'm going to go another tangent why Yin Hui would be good for him later.

#shen jiu #original shen qingqiu #og shen qingqiu #scumbag self saving system #svsss #mxtx svsss #take my opinion with a grain of salt im just saying stuff #qing jing peak #cang qiong mountain sect #i want him on yin hui #for reasons #like imagine if his shizun on yin hui just gave him blanket permission to kill ppl as stress relief #no one would even bat an eye #the other head disciples watching him scrible away formulas and recipes for poison in meetings:#just yin hui being yin hui smh #and proceed to just watch in fascination #as the poisons gradually become more violent and agonizing in how they cause the deaths #mqf helps with sj's poison research sometimes lol

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howdoesagrapewrites · 1 year

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This is my first time requesting lmaoo

A fanfic where reader is trying to break up with pavitr and gayatri because its starting to get toxic but ends up getting kidnapped by both of them or where reader escaped and is trying to ask for help to the police but gayatri’s dad gives her back to them

(I love your yandere pavitr and gayatri ‼️‼️)

𝘽𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙 𝙗𝙮 𝙬𝙚𝙗𝙨

Cw: kidnapping, emotional abuse, reader x lovesick!Pavitr Prabhakar x lovesick!Gayatri Singh, police corruption, suicidal thoughts, stockholm syndrome, gaslighting

The last weeks, or had a month passed already? Perhaps many months, but anyway, lately, things felt like a fever dream, one day you came back to your shared apartment to an argument, and next thing you know, you're being chased through the city and being forbidden from leaving your home.

Gayatri had missed work ever since that day, refusing to leave your side, you heard her over the phone saying she was taking care of a mentally unbalanced loved one, you were so mad, but god knows you don't have the strength to have any more "arguments" with any of them, you learned it doesn't do anything, at the end they'll always get the final word, you wonder if they actually believe you're the one that's "mentally unbalanced" and not them, you feel humiliated thinking about it, that they suffer as if you were the one that needed help, as if they were the victims.

No matter how much time went on, hating them, resenting them was never easy. You look into their faces, love filled expressions, and you remember all the times you felt like the luckiest person alive knowing they adored you even more than you could imagine. You remember the movie nights, the dates, the anniversaries, the cheesy nicknames and goofy antics you were up to, sneaking into Gayatri's room when you were in highschool, holding Pavitr's shoulders tightly as he swinged through the city with you in his arms, it always felt like a fairy tale, but now even more so, and not in a good way, not in the nice way.

You couldn't say one of them was "the worse one", they both had their ups and downs, they both made you suffer in their own way, Pavitr simply wouldn't let you go if you did something "bad" (like yelling at them, insulting them, insisting that you broke up with them, so you're not their partner anymore, breaking stuff, refusing to eat, the list goes on) he'd cling to you so hard he was suffocating you, all his body weight pressed into you, keeping you against the floor or the matress, and no matter how much you screamed, cried, kicked or insulted him, he won't let you go, sometimes he cried with you and tried to apologize, telling you he doesn't deserve you, but he simply can't leave you, other times he'd shush you and kiss your face and neck, even if you injured him or tried to bite him, and he'd whisper sweet nothings and "it's okay", "I know you don't mean that", "just calm down, everything is okay, no one will hurt you" but they will. And it worked many times, you'd try to forget reality and imagine you were back at your loving boyfriend's embrace, it was just a bad dream, and the would never hurt you the way they were doing just before. Sadly, you always woke up. Regularly you fantasized about dying like this, in their arms, with Gayatri singing lullabies and pecking your lips softly, and Pavitr cuddling you as the little spoon, you wouldn't have to cry ever again, just disappear into their warmth.

But you still had some self-preservation instinct left in you, and as much as you loved them, you had goals, and a life ahead of you, you still had the chance to escape from this living hell, from this cushion filled prison cell.

It took them months to trust you near the door, even if they already changed all the locks and had multiple other latches and protections so you wouldn't escape, it took you months to play nice and docile so they wouldn't suspect your real intentions, and you hated how comfortable you felt being their yes guy, natural it felt to say "I love you" and let yourself be pampered and rewarded for your good behavior, how much you enjoyed the feeling of Gayatri's velvet tongue in yours, while she lazily stroker your lower back, how playful bites and deep kisses in the morning made you submit completely to Pavitr, how much you loved cooking for them while they cuddled in the couch and told to hurry so you could join them. It was all part of your plan, right? And you couldn't possibly want to stay, right? .

"where are you going?" Pav asked in a sleepy voice

"to the bathroom, I'll be back, love" he didn't question further and rolled in the bed to go back to sleep

You walked in your tippy toes, carefully making your way to the bathroom, you close the door and lock it. You look at yourself in the mirror and realize how different your face looks from some time ago, where there was dark circles and break outs from the stress, now there's a considerably healthier complexion, smooth and soft lips instead of chapped and bitten, and no signs of puffy eyes due to excessive crying, you looked like you did before, but no matter if your skin agreed with your way of life, you wouldn't, you won't let these two monsters take your life away.

You stand over the toilet, and go out of the window, it's a third floor, you might not make it. You wanted to leave some sort of cushioning, but Pavitr would've seen it, so you close your eyes and let go, hoping to land in a way that won't leave you agonizing in the street. Before you touch the ground, you grab the edge of the window of the downstairs apartment, your nails hurt and you close your fists with all your strength so you don't fall, you look at the ground and notice now there's not much distance, you jump. It's painful, but you can go on.

You have money in the jacket you put on under your pajamas, enough to buy a ticket far away from Mumbattan.

You walk the streets to go to the train station, you look at the restaurants you used to go, the bus stop where you had to hide from the rain with Gayatri in middle school, you caught a cold and went in bed for a week, the stores you used to go with your friends back when you had them, the park, where Pavitr adopted a duck and you went to visit them so they wouldn't forget about him (in his words), the flower shop where the old lady would always tell on your partners and inform you they had something planned. All of the memories replaying in your mind, becoming one with the starry night, and fusing with eachother like a messed up watercolor paint, where did things went wrong? Did you ever made such a mistake that would trigger this? If it were your fault, you'd do anything to remedy this, anything to get your love, your life back, and even after all they put you through, it's still so hard to say goodbye. You keep remembering as you say farewell to Mumbattan entirely, to your parents, your friends, everyone you know. You look at the rooftops where you star gazed, the police station where Gayatri's dad let you go after you were caught shoplifting in a declaration of rebellion as a 14 year old. You stare, your mistake, you stare, and see captain Singh making eye contact with you, you want to run, but he lifts his hands in the air to show you he doesn't want to hurt you, you try to run but your legs don't respond, he reaches to you, and takes your hands in his.

"Are you okay?" Tears form in your eyes

"I'm- I'm not, I need to run, and I beg of you to act like a police officer helping a civilian who's running from abuse, please" you stutter and know you can't do anything, if you don't say anything, he'd surely take you back to his daughter and son-in-law, but there's the tiny chance he might listen to you

"I'll get you to safety, you can speak to me or with someone at the station when you're ready, I understand what you're going though, I believe you" he believes you, he believes you. You always knew Gayatri's dad to have a soft spot for you, to take care of everyone, to try and save the most helpless creatures, he was a good cop.

He gets you to the station and says he'll get someone to scort you to a shelter, you just sit looking at the floor, shaking and with your cheeks sticky from unwashed tears.

"They were walking disoriented in the streets, I brought them here before they could do anything dangerous" you heard him tell someone, you hear the other voice and you flinch. "Thank you dad, I'm so sorry, we were so worried" it's Gayatri. It's Gayatri. That's who he called, that's the person that will scold you to "safety".

You refuse to look at her when she approaches you.

You scream "I won't go back! It wasn't an impulse! I planned this, I-I have money, I planned this, I swear I'm lucid" you try and grab the cash from your pocket, but it's gone.

"It's okay, you can leave when you calm down, you'll be safe in your home until then" you can't even remember who said that, Gayatri, her dad, Pavitr, a police officer, they all say the same shit, they all think you're crazy.

The way home is a blur, like everything else, it feels like you blinked and now you're in your "home" again.

"You're a fucking monster" you say to Gayatri, poker face, you're not even sure if you have tears left to cry

But she certainly has, she cries, you don't know if it's sadness or frustration, or anger. "I may be a monster, but I'm not a fucking a liar, you think I'm cruel? We're cruel? You're worse. Whatever you have to say to us you can repeat it to the mirror, because we would never do this to you. We would never pretend to love you to leave you behind later, and the worse part of this bullshit you're pulling is that you know we'll forgive you. We never hurt you unless we have to, but you, you seem to enjoy it! To enjoy watching us bleed for you, is that what we need to do for you to stay?!" She stops to breathe "... I don't care what you think of us, but if we're monsters, then you are too, and you need to accept it."

Pavitr creeps behind you, and puts a hand on your chest, feeling your hitched breathing, he coos. "We're all one and the same, Y/N, we're meant to be together, I don't think you lied, I think you know that you love us, even if you're confused right now."

Confused? Confused. Maybe they're right, since you can't even settle what you're confused about.

#pavitr prabhakar #atsv x reader #atsv pavitr #gayatri singh #pavitr x gayatri #pavitr x reader #gayatri x reader #pavitr prabhakar x reader #spiderverse pavitr #gayatri x pavitr #gayatri atsv #Gayatri Singh x reader #yandere spiderverse #yandere pavitr #Yandere Pavitr Prabhakar

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madelee · 3 months

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Short lil' fanfic my dears

An impression of a shifting dynamic.

They learn as they become closer… Zim is at least.

His current state made it hard to heed Zim’s uncharacteristic plea— a plea born from newfound... empathy.

The Setup. All ready. Gripped tightly waiting for use.

Zim’s expression hardened, a rare seriousness taking over his usually overblown demeanor.

“You can’t harm it, Dib.”

“YOU were the one that annoyed ZIM with your annoying— 'no harming others just because they bother us' –ANNOYINGNESSES!”. His voice was laden with the weight of never ending didacticism, of pesky moral codes THE DIB had been trying to drill into his head.

“YOU said that we have to respect others 'Integrity', even if they’re… inconvenient.” Zim used that voice he knew Dib hated for mimicking him.

“—I’m NOT sounding like that… I —”

Dib’s face twisted with frustration, carelessness flaring up. “THIS IS DIFFERENT, ZIM!”

“You can't understand this!” Belittlement. He promised to stop with that. “Understanding this creature could lead to... incredible discoveries!” –Dad

Zim stepped closer. Eyes narrowing. His voice cold. intense.

“Zim does understand.” Take me seriously

“You are the one that CORRUPTED Zim… with your pesky and RIDICULOUS human-morals. Zim knows, if they apply to those dirty children, they apply to this…crypthingy too!”

Overblown, clearly displeased with those newfound considerations

Dib’s frustration grew, his words cutting deeper and deeper with each refusal to yield.

Certainly going too far. Zim didn't understand...!

Zim, despite his own little history, stood firm, clutching at new principles like fragile lifelines.

Now of all times?!

And then. Unexpectedly.

in a moment both pivotal and precarious. Zim uttered the words that shifted the WORLD between them.

“IF YOU MUST STUDY SOMETHING! ZIM, would let you… study himself.” mumbled almost timidly. he DID understand

Dib’s eyes widened.

breath catching as the implications sank in.

A loud clink sounding in the silence

Tool falling to the ground, forgotten. Unimportant. His hands lose. Shaking.

The air thick.

Dibs gaze shifting. Something long and distant. His eyes unfocused, but present.

Always present.

On Zim.

Zim was always so relentlessly defensiv about any investigations. Any exploration. Denying Dib again, and again.

This was finally happening. Zim let him.

Then suddenly— zeroing in.

A predator to its prey. Mad gleam, sharp edges. The corners of his mouth tense with an overwhelming smirk. glee

Forgetting himself. again His facade cracking... spilling free. Tendrils grasping on his edges. Intensely. again Dark eyes never wavering. Big and black. Warm browns. gone

Taking it all in. into... the black pits. Manic. Bordering on madness. Nothing new

Getting kinda old Dib~

Ever true to himself. Cruel in its intensity. Staring Zim down. down. down...

taking them both into the abyss

"Yes" he whispered. Followed by some incoherent mumbling.

Ever true to his character.

"You would let me." A fact. Simply stated. Finally Gaze never wavering.

Unyielding.

"We’re getting ready. Now."

They settled on 'ZIMS arm only'.

Zim wouldn't go down without a fight. a compromise still

Dib didn’t really care.

"I'm gonna bind your arm"

A pause. Awkward.

"So uhm, you can't pull away” He's wavering again. Shrill on the edges. Voice breaking cracking... embarrassingly. But there was no time for being hindered by such trivial things. Embarrassment, being too much, it being too much. And never enough... it all blurred together anyway.

A scalpel glinted under the harsh lights. Dib’s hands steadied, driven by purpose. The first incision was slow, deliberate.

Alien skin parting with a sickening ease. Child's play Pink, unnatural hues. Inhuman and oh so beautiful.

Just like me

Zim winced, but remained still, pride and pain mingling. Afraid.

Don't let it show

Face stoic. Cheeks discolored, giving it away, still.

Just as excited. Just as overwhelmed.

Praise tripping on Dibs tongue, "you're doing so good " He was mumbling again.

ever true to his character Voice soft. unsettling. These words were a lifeline, a twisted form of praise that Zim always soaked up, desperate for any form of validation.

From Dib Dib.

Blood glistened, pooling around the wound. Dib’s eyes gleamed with an unsettling mix of curiosity and something darker still.

His hands moved with precision. Cold and efficient. He felt so hot

Something perverse

Obscene and only for them

Opening up, like the void.

Pink and bleeding. Spilling. Quelling and overflowing.

Oh the Sweet release

#zadr #dib x zim #DarkFic #dib membrane #zim #Character study #zim and dib #so this was initially going to have some art to it... I will finish it eventually #short ficlet #invader zim fanfiction #also on ao3 #uhm this is a bit experimental #this is also based on #some thoughts of mine #I love me italics and I will keep them #madelee wrote

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anundyingfidelity · 2 years

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MEMORIES LOST — Jareth x ofc/fem reader. Ch. 1.

Summary: A mysterious woman falls into the Underground, claiming she does not have memories and not knowing why she is there. Jareth, who's bored and taking slight pity on her, takes her under his wing to ease some of his own misery. Post Labyrinth (1986).

Warnings: nudity, masturbation, voyeurism, manipulation, corruption, smut in general.

Word count: 1,377.

Note: female character is named Leah, but no physical characteristics (such as skin color, hair, eyes, etc.) are described on this story. Feel free to imagine how she looks like.

☕ if you like my writing, support me with a ko-fi !

This fanfiction is also posted in Ao3 under the name undyingfidelity.

Chapter 1. | Chapter 2. | Chapter 3.

Jareth remembered vividly that day when the woman fell to the Underground.

Sitting lonely on the oblong dark table by himself, he had dedicated the last minutes of his day to eat - almost against his will - the well-done dinner the goblins prepared specially for him. Defeated and feeling weak, Jareth spent the last months trying to forget everything about Sarah and her brother. It was ridiculous. How he had become this bored, shattered man on his own. Of course, his own goblins were kind of fools, easy enough to get them to do whatever he wanted, but it wasn't enough. Jareth swallowed a bite of the exquisite steak, and even if it was fair delicious, his mood often shattered down the smallest of the pleasures he still was able to enjoy as a King, including something as mundane as eating.

But that same night, a little old goblin quickly made his way to Jareth, squeaking and muttering unintelligible noises as if trying to say something but couldn't catch any of his babbling.

"What is it?" he questioned, rather annoyed.

"Majesty, Majesty! A woman! She’s fallen into the Labyrinth!"

A woman? He frowned. No, it couldn't be her. Sarah knew how to summon him and it was completely impossible for someone to enter just like that.

"Goblins found her, Majesty! You must come!"

Were the goblins sure it was really a woman? Worst, she might be even human. Jareth hesitated for a moment after remaining silent. He got on his feet quickly forgetting the dinner, scaring away his subject.

"Lead the way," he ordered.

The little creature guided Jareth to come to the Castle gates, where a small crowd was there murmuring and surrounding the so-said woman, who seemed to lie down on the hard concrete. Once the King appeared, the goblins started to make room for him to get closer to the lady. She was graciously asleep over some piled-up clothes that might have been improvised by the goblins to give her some sort of comfort on the hard ground, and a large beige gown adorned her figure as her chest rose in a calm way, just as the look on her face. How was this possible? He didn't know, but she was right there. He bent down slowly, taking better sight of her.

"Has she been asleep since you found her?"

"Yes, Majesty!" the goblin who guided Jareth said behind his back. "She's been sleeping like a log!"

Jareth came closer, prudent of each one of his moves, noticing a shiny necklace hanging around her neck preciously with a black pearl stone decorating her skin. Fascinated by it, his fingers brushed over the pearl softly. A soft breath went past the woman's lips, her eyes opening wide at the sudden touch. The goblin king backed up a little, letting the mysterious woman sit down in horrid, and before her, the quite grand number of creatures watching her attentively as she moved slowly, feeling eyes over her.

"Where am I?" she panted, looking at the man who looked as human as she did.

"This is the Goblin City, and you're trespassing my kingdom," Jareth explained to her. He was standing tall, towering over her and she looked at him from down below.

"How is it that I am here," she mumbled, holding a cry. Her eyes scanned her surroundings, the unknown place she fell on was strange and she started to feel she was unwelcome there.

The piercing eyes of the man were all scanning the woman, who was kneeling quietly before going to her feet.

"Where are you from?" Jareth questioned her, the globins made enough space around their king and their visitor so she could not escape in case she tried to.

"I- I don't know... I don't remember anything," she stammered, scared of the king.

Jareth tried to go over her mind and thoughts but found nothing, but a blank space and a word that might seem like a name, repeating constantly in her head.

"Do you have a name?"

The woman blinked and swallowed hard before speaking softly again.

"Leah."

Leah.

Her name was spinning in his head like it was the first time. Jareth took her to the castle after learning he could not read her mind nor find a single memory, which was certainly unusual. However, he felt some sort of compassion in his heart, and the sentiment was strong enough to make him decide to take her with him. Jareth let her settle down in one of the rooms he had and ordered the goblins to take whatever she needed. But as time grew, Leah found herself in debt after not doing more than the bare minimum - such as eating, cleaning her room, reading books from the library, and taking strolls in the city, or at least, what she could see from it.

Jareth wasn't really fond of Leah going out of the castle, but he understood she needed to go out for some time. After two days, she came in very happy of having encountered a new friend. Let's say Hoggle's name was not the best thing to hear for Jareth that day. He still had a bitter feeling over the dwarf, so knowing Leah had befriended him was not good news at all. But he let it slip away, just for her.

Days later, Leah found herself wanting to help in the castle, so she shyly asked Jareth for it. That's another thing he will never forget.

It was, perhaps, the third time in the five days she has been in the castle, that she had dinner with him. Leah normally would be very quiet, but she was right there sitting on the table some feet away from Jareth, asking if she was able to do some of the work along with the goblins.

"Are you getting bored?" Jareth simply asked, a light smirk forming on his lips.

Her face grew hot at his eyes lurking on her. "Maybe..."

"Tell me something you can offer me to have you working around," he told.

"I am interested in cooking, I can learn!"

Leah didn't know a single thing, more than her own name. Jareth tried to read her again after some time, and he just found her hesitant under his gaze. Jareth was very aware he was terrifying and he loved that, mostly because he spent years and years bored and defeated, but having Leah as a companion sometimes was interesting, just like that night.

"You can, certainly."

"Really?" the woman seemed to be taken by surprise.

"If that's what you want, you can go on. The goblins will help you with learning all you want to learn, and you can serve me."

"I will" A smile curled on her pretty face, and Jareth took a great liking to her determination.

He stayed within her thoughts, finding passion and happiness in her head, with so much anticipation of what she would learn. She didn't look past thirty human years, so it was quite curious for Jareth how she lost her memory. Jareth of course would find a way how to do that but decided to wait a little bit more. He got on his feet, his silver plate and the goblet were left empty as he walked toward Leah, who was still in her seat. His gloved right hand cupped her cheek and rubbed it softly with his thumb.

"Why don't you start now, clean the dining room," he ordered.

She felt the heat rising on her, not sure why he was provoking that type of reaction on her body and soul, but his touch, even when the glove was on, felt right and good. And Jareth, of course, noticed this. Leah nodded, holding his gaze, feeling hypnotized by his beautiful and deep eyes. A mischievous smile drew on his face before letting go of her and walking outside the dining room. Oh, she was going to be so much fun to be with.

#jareth #labyrinth #jareth x reader #jareth fanfiction #jareth labyrinth #jareth the goblin king #david bowie #david bowie fanfiction #labyrinth 1986 #labyrinth fanfic #jareth x female reader #jareth smut #jareth the goblin king x reader #jareth imagines #jareth imagine

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jina-juhi · 2 years

Text

the possibility of us.

pairing - yuta × female reader

word count - 7.7k

warnings - Panic attack (i tried to keep it short) penetration, protected sex, grinding, corruption kink, yuta is not angry and dom, controlling, over stim if i can say so? oral ( both receiving ) and literally everything that comes w this. choking!!!! yea. heh.

summary - You promised yourself you wouldn't fall for him, and you thought he could never fall for a girl like you. There was no way you both could be together, and even if there was one, your past wouldn't let you.

playlist

"eyes off you" - prettymuch

"phases" - prettymuch

"under the influence" - chris brown

"slow down" - chase atlantic

"show me" - black atlass

"safety net" - ariana grande

"used to this" - camila cabello

"chills, dark version" - mickey vallen

"3:00 am" - finding hope

"no guidance" - chris brown ft drake

Authors note:- so this whole thing is someone's request and i have not done justice to it. But here i am still hoping that they like it. I wrote like a whole seed to tree thing but it all got deleted and then I just left it to where my mind led me. I swear im working hard on my English vocab and duh sentence forming skills, but i hope you get the feelings mentioned below~~~

also if u wanna like request something~

m.list

so fucking loud.

The party was getting louder and overwhelming. You were quite alright just a few seconds back but it only takes a thought, to remember everything you want so badly to escape.

You danced like crazy, and drank. A lot. To forget. And now your head is hurting like hell and you don't know what to do or where to go, everything is spinning around and its all a blur. One thing that you could think of right now is your phone.

Searching your pocket and the couch you have been sitting on for so long, you can't find it. Its not lost its with Haewon, your friend. Sadly though your friend had to leave early due to some urgency, you thought it would be okay, you would manage but truly speaking, you're just a child. You try to be brave but being left alone is one of your biggest fears.

The fear kept building up since you were a kid and now it has settled in and made itself permanent in you. First it was your dad leaving you and your mom for a second family, then your mom in chase of her new life and then your so called first love who thought you were too fucked up to be loved. Leaving you like you were a crumbled up piece of paper ready to be dumped. Since then, you have not loved.

Not because you forgot, but because you're sacred.

You're scared everyone would leave you just like them and in the end, they'll move on, they'll live better but you're gonna be wounded. Trust me, you're already wounded enough to go out there and put a knife in your chest with your own hands. You know better or so you may think. That being alone, and not letting anyone in is the key to overcome this but truly, it is just making it worse. You can't help it.

You stumble on your way out of the once filled room with sweaty bodies, heels in one hands and a bottle of water in another. Your legs hurt more with every step you take, mentally cursing yourself for going absolutely reckless. You stand leaning against the main gate, supporting yourself so you don't fall in the wait of a cab.

You watch as tired bodies pass you by one by one. Everybody having someone to lean on to, you have a door. Not complaining but it feels sad sometimes not to have that one person who's always gonna stick by your side and other deep shit. It gets lonely. Fiddling with the hem of your dress, you give up on waiting, shifting your wait from the gate to your feet, you start to walk in the direction of your home, finding it hard because of all the alcohol.

Not even two steps forward, you hear a faint voice calling your name, a voice you would recognise even after your death, a voice that could send you into overdrive in a mere millisecond. You find yourself panicking, why is he calling your name, he shouldn't be calling your name. He's supposed to be the mean guy like everybody says but he's good to you, he's supposed to be cold hearted but he's kind to you, he's supposed to ignore you like he does everybody else, but he treats you different.

Nakamoto Yuta is not supposed to know you.

But he does, and that's what got you falling for him. Hard. It began with a single look in the hallway, you were a fresher and he was in the senior year. You weren't allowed in the library back then which you didn't knew, so you went in to issue some books. A bunch of seniors saw you, scolded you for not abiding by the rules, they could have gone too far but Yuta kinda saved your ass in there. He'd been kind, which was very unlikely of him because they all called him cold-hearted, but you saw no such characters in him, he'd always been nice to you. No matter how much you refused you did had a minute crush on him since that day, which eventually turned in something you'd rather not give a name to.

You turn around to see a very familiar face, you could draw an exact replica of him with your eyes closed. You fumble, he hands are firmly griping you by your arms, holding you upright, "you okay?"

On usual days, if Yuta is taking the first floor hallway to get to his class, you'd take the third floor even if it means you'll be late by five. But on some very rare unusual day, when your hormones decide to throw random tantrums and make you realise how much dry of a pussy cat you have, you'd take the same hallway 0as he does in order to feed your brain with his mere looks alone, which would be enough for the next 5 to 6 days so you could go back on avoiding him, for the sake of your sanity.

Today, most probably was a usual day. Throughout the party, you made sure to not cross paths with him but always keeping in check as to where he was. He looked drop dead gorgeous today in that white tshirt of his, loose hair falling over his face blocking your sight of view but adding up to his perfection. Maybe, just maybe you might have been too obvious with that watching from afar game of yours you think he didn't notice but he does. He knows, he always has known. Boys like him, they always know.

"I just wanna go home." Your voice comes out tired and slurred, the alcohol in your system is probably damaging your sense of judgement, you're saying things you're not supposed to be saying.

"It isn't safe for you to go alone." His voice could make you fall to knees, yea that is the amount of power he holds on you. If he says your name one more time with that pretty mouth of his, you'd be curling into a ball and stay like that for the rest of your life because it would save you from the embarrassment of facing him with your red flushed face and needy eyes. Yes, you're a sucker for him and you don't like it. It's not about him it's about you. How could you risk everything again for just a crush. He's not just a crush. And what about the too fucked to be loved part? What if thats true? You can't risk losing Yuta.

"I'll tak- a cab or somethin you don't have to." Sitting in the same car, having him around you when you're drunk and could literally say anything is not a safe option, safer than going alone though but, it's just too much of a risk. He doesn't give you much choice when he says he's gonna drive you home and you're gonna be quite and let him. All those moments in which it was only him and you alone, all the amount of tension in the air there was is playing on repeat in your mind right now. What could possibly go wrong right? Nothing really went wrong before, but you also weren't drunk.

He takes you to his car, walking beside you still holding you tight. You didn't say but your stomach keeps hurting from time to time, probably from all the drinking you think. Opening the door for you he seats you in, placing his hand on your head carefully so you don't bump your head in the process.

You wait for him to come inside the car, hearts already beating fast. Don't know why but the alcohol has somehow made you more hornier and confident than before, especially him touching you played a major part it in. I mean your allowed to have a crush right, and even though you don't really want someone in your life right now you too want some, need some. How many days can you go without being touched? is two year a normal number?

"Put your seatbelts on." You were too disoriented to understand and implement, he repeats. "Oh!" You try to pull the seatbelt down, its stuck. Or maybe you're just weak. He notices you struggling. What happens next is not the first time, he does things like these often that do some unexplainable things to you. He would randomly place his hands on your shoulder in the middle of nowhere making you jump out of your skin, or rub his thumb against the back of your hand when you're having coffee with him. Play with the long strands of your hair, tangling then detangling them. Eyes contacts were definitely his thing, he's eyes would never leave yours during a conversation no matter how small or big, it made you hard to look at him and hold his gaze. These were some of those moments you couldn't get over even after trying hard.

This guy would be the cause of your death. All happens in one sudden move, he loosens his seatbelt, leaning over you extending his hand to reach the seatbelt that seemed to be really stuck, which he could have managed to pull from afar but no, he had to come close. Goosebumps from his wild eyes form on your skin when they watch you, like undressing you. Up and down and around. Biting and wetting his lips unnecessarily just to turn you on. You, on the other went stiff, for you it was like some one had pushed the pause button because every second felt so heavy, the weight of his gaze was so hard you felt your lungs crushing under the pressure. You could literally listen to your heart thumping in your ears like some one was playing a boombox on maximum volume. Afraid to take your eyes off of him, you just stare blankly at him, though that blank expression was more of a wanting one.

He knows what he's doing, the little curl on his lips showed that, and he knows the effect it has on you so he always over exaggerates everything that he does. You never stopping him is his motivation.

"Dumb girl" he mouths and secures your seatbelt. You gulp hard and release the breath you were holding in. Before you could register what had just happened, his hand was reaching for your forehead with a tissue. "You sure you good? you sweating like crazy!" poking his tongue he hands you the napkin, you pretend wipe your face, actually cursing him making you sweat like this. The ac is not broken, its his fault.

Its so fucking complicated it's like you've got this big crush which isn't even a crush anymore, and it is him who turned it into real damn feelings that you don't want. You know you're better off without him, without the feelings part. You're not ready for him. You'll never be. You know it still you always fall for him, even when you don't want to, even when you know someone's gonna get hurt in the end. It must be something that he said that got you off track. That got you thinking shit and feeling shit, you just can't ignore that anymore. A year is a long time to pretend that you absolutely do not adore Yuta. Its getting harder to pretend.

You crave him.

You need him.

You want him.

but no.

You're saying it as if he wants you too. The possibility of him falling for you is as rare as finding a galaxy in the night sky with naked eyes. Impossible. He's got high standards or maybe you're just not his type. He may play round and about but it's just a play. Not reality. And you've come to peace with that. You're not gonna try, you're not putting your heart at stake but if you do, just in case, there's no way you're gonna have your heart broken because after doing all the math and physics, the probable occurrence of this event called 'us' is zero, even after considering all the factors affecting.

There is a chance, but you wouldn't take it.

But even the greatest of the greatest laws have exceptions, don't they? Not everything can be calculated or predecided. Now who knew a day like today would come in which the drunk you would be driven home by a totally sober Yuta, and the very science that you thought was denying the possibility of you both being together is giving you an unforeseen factor that could change the whole equation, alchol. And alcohol, as we all know is a bitch.

Miserable looking you was sat on the passenger seat, hair tousled, body covered with sweat that glistened whenever light fell on it, lips dry and eyes tired. Though the heat you feel is undeniable, you try to not give in and have some sense of control over your mind that's floating in the pool of hormones mixed with alcohol right now. Pushing your hair back, you look out of the window, chasing the street lamps, counting them to keep you distracted. Clearing your mind, trying not to think anything. Not to feel anything, but the ache in the pit of your abdomen is growing with passing time. You see yuta roll down the window, his hair swiftly swaying with the breeze, what a sight to be witnessed, enough to distract you from your chosen distraction. Allowing yourself to calm down letting go of all the blood rush from before, you take a deep breath, sleep kind of taking over your body but the pain isn't allowing you to. Feeling even more uneasy, you shift a little in your seat pushing the feeling away. You try and concentrate on the moving landscapes, breathing deeply.

Yuta has been noticing you. Hes certain of what's bout to happen. He doesn't panic, he must have had the experience. He lets you take your time. Breathing helps for some time more, but doesn't prevent it. You have to throw up, "Can y- stop the car?"

In a minute, Yuta pulls over and you're out on the street seated by the footpath trying to empty your stomach. Yuta was seated by your side patiently with a water bottle in his hand, rubbing your back in sweet circular motion, and holding your hair back. "It doesn't wanna come out!"

You complain in a broken tone. "Who told you to drink that much when you can't handle it?" he says side eyeing you.

"It's hurting"

"Drink some water" And before you could, you were already throwing up. He calm you down, never once leaving your side, holding your hair back, he knows you're weak especially right now.

Cleaning up you pout, "I was feeling good"

"Now you're not, dumbass."

"Why do you always call me dumbass." you fake cry, more like dunk cry.

"Because you're too cute." He half chuckles.

"I don't wanna be cute." You snap at him. "I wanna be hot!" This makes him laugh. "And i wanna be cool and i wanna be free and i wanna be different and confident and happy and not dumb. I'm not dumb, though i like it when you call me dumb, but im not im not dumb!!"

He looks at you, amused, brows up like a puppy, smiling like a child at this new face of yours that, that he doesn't quite know how to describe it, but is adorable. "You don't talk this much when you're sober, you should drink often."

"And throw up like this every time."

"Yea maybe, it would be an our thing"

"An our thing?! Oh and i don't talk? you don't talk!"

"I don't because you don't, and i respect that."

"I- I don't? i do, i want to."

"What stops you then?" You think.

"Yuta." and you chuckle. "He makes me nervous."

His eyebrows furrowed for a second after suddenly listening to his name from your mouth. Conten and eager to know more, "Why?"

You sigh loudly, hiding your face in your hands, "It's hard to explain you know? It so fucking hard-!" by getting to the end of the sentence you actually break down into tears. Yuta sees this, suddenly extra concerned about your situation, he takes your face in his hands, cupping it, making you look at him. He has a soft expression on his face, a kind one. "hey there, don't cry, it's okay." he coos, wiping a tear away.

You sob a few times in his arms, trying to catch a breath. You don't know why and what you're saying, but it just flows out of your mouth, "I like him, i think i do, like so fuxking much. And it's sad because I don't think he likes me back, like why would he and even if he does, it's not gonna change the fact that im too fucked up to be loved."

He frowns, disappointed in you. Looking deep in your eyes, you try to hide away from him,"You're not girl. Look at me! you are capable of being loved"

"I don't think so. Even if i am, why will he ever like a girl like me!" You say blandly.

"What if he does?"

"You think he likes me?"

"All you need to do is ask."

"Why can't he!?" His hand leaves your face, wiping your fallen tears. Making you drink a little water with his hands, he slowly says, "what if he's afraid he would scare you away?"

You're tired eyes look into his bright one, searching for meanings you couldn't find. He helps you up, now that you've been feeling better than before. "Not if he holds me tight enough." Yuta doesn't reply to this rather his eyes glint, as if he was satisfied with your answer. As if he knew what to do now. He makes you seat in his care again, securing you with the seatbelt, too tired to even move your finger you let him guide you home.

Soon enough you were standing in front of your apartment, staring at the locked door and then staring at each other, "I'm sorry." you apologise because apparently, you lost the keys and no they're not with Haewon. "It's okay lets just go to my apartment." You nod your head, tip toeing behind him like a child, on the stares he lets you walk by yourself but watches out for you. In the car he gives you a bottle of electrolytes to sip on. In the lift of his apartment he practically have to carry your weight because your legs gave up walking and your brain stoped working.

_______

Wet kisses were planted down your spine, leaving a tinglish feeling behind. With every kiss your breath hitched a little more, eyes squeezed even harder. He plants a kiss at the bottom of your bare back. You arch your back, rolling your head back in pleasure. He stands up behind you, your knuckles turn whiter. He grips your hair in his fist, pushing your head back further enough to plant a small kiss on your forehead, then releasing the grip. Holding back a moan, you let a short breath out. Seeing your efforts at holding your moans back, he lands his palm flat against your clothed ass making you fall ahead on the counter. Smacking it hard again, making you yelp in pleasure, the sound echoes in his small bathroom. "Let me hear that sweet voice of yours baby." His voice calling you baby makes you dizzy, a whine leaves your lips without your permission, but on his command. Anything he wants you would do. Rubbing and groping your ass cheek he pulls you a little up by your hair, making you stand straight. He bites and nips at your earlobe. With his one hand squeezing your ass and his lips occupied by your ear, his other hands creeps it's way in front of you, dipping lower and lower until it cups your pussy, applying only slight pressure on your throbbing, untouched clit with his middle finger, just enough to take you over the edge. His hand is so big. He taps it, feather touches only. Once, twice and he continues slowly with long intervals in between the taps, leaving maroon marks on your shoulder. He only plays with you to make you wetter so you could take his dick, he's not letting you cum just yet, you deserve more, you deserve his dick and you deserve a grand climax, because you're his. Without much efforts he pushes you flat against the counter top, carefully though, he doesn't wanna hurt you. Delivering you pleasure is his only motive, and he does just that when he pulls your underwear down enough to expose your ass to him. You wiggle it a little in anticipation, and he gives in to your plea, after all it would be his pleasure to serve you. He greets you with a spank. And then another spank followed by intervals of him easing the pain and rubbing your ass cheeks untill you voice came out louder than the sound of his hand meeting your flesh. And in a blink of an eye your panty was slid all the way down and his thick girthy cock was being shoved in your already dripping aching hole. He was showing no mercy, fucking in and out of you at a demonic pace, looking like an angel! His long hair covering his face, slick because of sweat. He yanked you up with your hair causing you to scream out, still slamming in and out of you, this angle enabling him to go deeper. Sinfull voices getting louder and louder with every thrust, you hear him say your name, "y/n!" He sounds concerned. Furrowing your brows, "Yuta, don't stop!!" you whine as he slows down his pace.

Another loud call of your name forces you awake from your dream, panting heavily you adjust your vision to the lighting in the room. The first thing you see is Yutas face, concerned. Seeing him in your bedroom starled you, you hastily move back in defence, "what are you doing here" You question him in hoarse voice, your throat dry.

"It's my bedroom and you called my name. " he hands you a glass full of water, sitting by the bedside. That's when you realise the change in the intensity of light and the unfamiliarity of the duvet. Embarrassed, that you just dreamt of the guy sitting in front of you, you thank him for the water. You try to play the events of last night that might have led to this, nothing comes to your head. Its all a blank. You mind curse yourself, head hurting a little probably because of hangover. The second thing you notice is that the cloths you wore weren't yours, it was one of his black tshirts, as he owns many, and before you could look at him with an unquestionable question, "You were sober enough to change, I didn't." He answers. You relax your shoulders, sighing.

Just the very presence of him makes your head go into a never ending spiral. It was embarrassing looking like shit in front of him. You called my name, what the fuck. "Your head must be hurting?"

"Not really, I just need to take a shower." You say shaking your head confirming that you are alright.

He gets up.

You don't know what you did last night with him, or said but it feels like you pretty much fucked up in every way possible. You don't even know if the whole session was just a dream or you both actually really did something. You watch him uncover the curtains and opening the window so some fresh air could come in. He opens his cupboard taking out some pills, keeps them on the side table for you. Too busy thinking, you didn't hear whatever he said and watch him exit the room keeping a black tee on the chair.

whatever the fuck happened last night.

Taking the pills you went for a quick shower, wearing again one of his tshirt. Going in the another room, he already prepared lunch for you. You take the spoon in your hand, and it's some kind of soup. You smell it, the aroma filling you up. "You're not eating?"

"I am." he says sitting down beside you. You never knew he could cook, such a dream boy. You dip the spoon and circle it around in the bowl feeling anxious. "You talked quite a lot last night, you kno-" he bantered eyeing up playing with the spoon. Without a second thought you interjected, "What exactly did i say?" not looking at him.

"We have a lot of time to discuss that in detail, right now focus on eating." he poked, smirking. "Just tell if i said something offensive or you know, stupid I won't stay for long." Finally taking a sip of the soup while it's still hot. "Look outside, its raining." he says moving his head towards the window wanting you to look out. It indeed is raining, which means you will have to stay.

"So now that you're staying, why not have some fun? You play video games?" he asked cheerfully.

"No." you deadpanned.

"I knew, we'll watch a movie then." You look at him blond eyes, he's goofing around again.

He made popcorns, everything was set in front of his decent sized tv. It was like he was being extra cautious about everything, thinking twice before saying or doing anything. You on the other hand were embarrassed and awkward as hell. God only knows what beans you spilled last night, the possible things you could have that are coming to your brains are extreme. Plus he's not even telling.

He kept a decent distance between you two when he sat down on his small sofa, it was a small sofa so the decent amount means close enough to feel him right next to you. The movie was playing but neither of you were paying any attention to it. If it wasn't for the presence of the other, you could have both said the rain was distracting. Already tired and even more tired after forcing yourself to concentrate on the movie when exactly you dozed off to wonderland you didn't remember. One loud roar of thunder startled you back to life, "It's okey, just a thunder, go back to sleep." His words come in a low register, whispered close to your ear his hot breath almost tingling. You shift comfortably on what felt like a lap, shooting your eyes open you realised the position you were in and quickly sat up murmuring sorrys and fucks while trying to hide yourself, "When did i sleep!?" you mumbled, rubbing your eye, in order to avoid his.

"Sleep again you look tired." he pointed out looking at you. As if it wasn't awkward enough already for you to sleep in his goddamn lap. You shake your head, "No its good." You grin at him. His eyes never leave your frame. You shift to the left putting as much distance possible in between. He notices it. "Do I make you nervous?"

fuck yes.

It was like the oxygen was taken away from you. You tried breathing but it was useless. So this is one of the manys of what happened last night. "I said that?" He looks at you, nodding his head lights. "And they say one doesn't lie when there drunk." raising an eyebrow. Pressing your lips together you turn your head to the tv, "Let's not talk abo-" he didn't let you finish, "Answer me." He turns off the tv causing you to frown, "Answer!" You roll your eyes looking away again, it's hard maintaining eye contact right now. "What do you wanna hear?"

"Truth."

You look at him. For a minute nothing was spoken. You looked at him and he looked at you. And that was that. Many of the hardest one minutes of your life. You sigh out in defeat, giving up the eye game, he sits straight. "What else did i say last night?"

"Just that."

You laugh, "That can't possibly be true."

"Then you already know what you might have said last night." Wetting your lips, looking out of the windows, rain pouring harder by every passing hour, things getting more and more awkward. You could either tell him everything, and expect him to not act on it and be awkward Or you can just ask him to pretend last night never happened and let everything be awkward for the rest of the lives, because theres no way things are going back to normal, as if they ever were.

Clicking your tongue, "Will you drink hot chocolate?" The only way to avoid a conversation is a hot chocolate. It works most of the times. All you wanted to do was escape his vicinity.

You stand by the window in his small kitchen, rain drizzles over your face as it falls down, rainy seasons are gloomy, you think. Cold air rushes in leaving you cold and shivering, alone, in the middle of the darkness in this room with your thoughts which are way too louder than your capacity to hear. You don't know why but him knowing how you feel about him just complicates everything by a thousand fold. And what if he wants to be with you? What will you do then? Yes you like him but, you can't risk being in a relationship again. You've already lied to yourself everyday by believing that you'll not love him, but now you do. And the fact that last night will fuxk everything up between you two is saddening because you are going to say no and he will not be very appreciative.

If; he likes you back.

You feel his presence behind you. Not too close but not too far. You call out his name, he confirms. After a moment you speak, "Yes you make me nervous." trying to speak loud and clear but you voice only manages to come out in whispers. You hear him cackle. "I know." His deep voice goes straight down to your core, leaving you weak in your knees, he's standing just behind you. You feel his breath on your ear making you hold your breath, not moving even one inch. How desperately you want his hands on you and how badly he wants to sqeeze you in his arms and tell you everything he's been keeping inside for so long. Only if you knew. Only if you saw his face right now, looked into his eyes. You would know he wants you too, he always has. Since the day he saw you on your first day he craved you. Every day being by your side wasn't enough but oh he was just so scared to lose you after being told everything you've been through by your batchmates. He figured your past won't allow you to. So he kept quite. Falling in love with you everytime you looked at him, everytime you smiled at himz shyed away from him. He fell in love with the way you lived and laughed and cried. Just like you fell for him.

"Take a chance with me?" he spoke lowly, carefully. You turned around, facing him. Shaking your head no caused the tears to fall down that were building in your eyes. You kept shaking you head moving back untill your back touched wall. You sobbed, no you were practically crying like a child in front of him only it was on mute. He approaches you coming closer and closer it was like you lost your mind and your senses gave up on working. "I can't" you managed to speak aloud.

"Why?" he asks trying to stop your crying at the same time. Holding you by shoulders, gently stroking up and down, calming. "You don't know what happened."

He lifts your tear stained face up by his fingers, making you look at him, "I'm willing to know." he pushes further, caging you between him and the wall. "And if I don't understand, make me!" it's hard to understand the expression on his face. He's sad but, he's also angry. And frustrated and hurt but at the same time, gentle and understanding and concerned. Hands moving to cup your face, "You want me to confess first right? I love you okay? I have ever since god know when. And i know you do too so why the fuck can't you just let go and let me!?" The last part he says through greeted teeth while punching the wall behind you, you jump out in fear, "Fuck Im sorry." he apologizes under his breath, realising he's being to harsh.

He moves in closer, connecting his forehead with yours, "I'm sorry." he breathes out heavily, he's crying. He's hurting. "I can't help but think of what we could be." You open your eyes to look at him, tilting your face up a little, closing in the gap even more. His eyes are tight shut. "I can't help but think about you." He opens his eyes to look into your dark ones, getting lost. You both breathe heavily, hearts beating at the same pace, passion shooting through your veins. He closes the inches left in between you too, both of you close your eyes, nose touching, breathing in the air only the other can provide. His lips linger close to yours, quivering, afraid to harm you. Afraid to scare you. Chest heaving up and down in synchrony, lips ready melt into each other, only a moment apart, only a touch apart, still apart.

He draws a sharp breath in moving away but only slightly. You look down, the tension in the air is so heavy it could crush your weight under it. Tears still falling down like a waterfall.

"Please don't say no." he speaks in the quietness. You shook your head again, whispering "Don't cry."

He wiped it as quickly as it fell. "I'm sorry" you say, trying to move past him, but he stops you holding your hand, making you turn around. Gripping you face with only one hand he crashes his lips on yours, you pause. You didn't try pulling away, not because his grip was too tight but you didn't wanted to. When you moved your lips, he moved his. He held you by your waist with his other arm. Making you dizzy, holding you close you could feel his beating heart against your chest. Head tilted to deepen the kiss, body crushing into each other like planets colliding, teeth clashing like two swords in a battlefield, hands roaming the bodies freely, holding on to each other like you were to lose them the very next second. He could taste your tears in his mouth. He could taste his life. It was beautiful, it was perfect. In that moment you felt you could let go of everything that was holding you back, you past didn't matter in that moment. You saw one chance, one possibility.

Struggling to stand straight, he walks your over to the counter never leaving your lips. He slows it down, letting you breathe. Softly sucking your swollen lips. He takes your lower lip between his teeth, he bites it so hard you whince in pain, which only makes him lower his hands and squeeze your butt, pulling you lower body to meet his, grinding into each other, desperate for each other, not getting enough and wanting more and more. The visible bulge in his bottoms evidently hit the right spots, making you lose control, making you go wild and grind yourself into him too. The height difference makes it so much easier like his body was made keeping you in mind so you both could fit each other perfectly. His hands travel north, tangling your hair and pulling them down, which makes your head go back, exposing your neck to him. His lips leave yours, sucking in a new space found, leaving deep red marks, marking you as his.

It took one single thought to pull you out of it, again. You try to push him away, struggling at first, he backs off, and the moment he does you leave, "So you're going to ignore me now?" he says panting, making you stop and turn back. He looks at the red mark on your neck that he created. He chuckles, "Thats the plan? huh? Ain't gonna work." you're hurting him you know it. You turn around to leave, "You're gonna come back."

And you leave.

You just leave.

And like that, 5 months pass. The day turns into night and night into day, you go to college and come back home then go to college again. You see him every day and he sees you everyday and like strangers you cross paths. He started a new job, you heard. You started having panic attacks, he heard.

Sit and stare out of the window, thinking of all that you could have done differently. You thought not being with him or anybody would make things alright. Being alone would make your head clear and a little less messed up and then maybe you can go out date freely without having to be afraid of what might go wrong. But it seems like it all backfired on you. Now you have one more thing to forget, one more thing to carry everyday.

You thought you would get better, but little did you know it was him who was making you better. You thought you would get over him but you really do love him. You can't get him out of your head and he's gone, you fucked it all up. You broke his heart which ended up breaking you too.

Sitting on the couch in the parties is the only thing you've been doing lately. How long can someone pretend that they're okay? A month? A year? You've been doing it since your childhood. You're tired of pretending and tired of hoping that it's all gonna get better. You can't even pretend anymore to be honest, it's evident you do that you miss him. You've been sitting here for 3 hours, just sitting not drinking. What if you get drunk? Who's gonna drive you home you have no one. He's here too. Not drinking. Not looking at you, not thinking about you, rather having fun actually. he moved on?

Why wouldn't he, why shouldn't he? It wasn't his fault. You're the only one to blame. He cried, he begged you to stay to not say no, but you didn't listen to him. Why should he wait on someone like you. You push all your hair to one side letting them cover your face in an attempt to hide from Yuta, you can't help but watch him closely, laughing and talking and everything, he's faking it. You know him this much to know which smiles he is faking. And suddenly he is looking at you. Earnestly. 4 minutes of intense gaze and then you give up. Breathing already uneven and your palm is sweating, you know what's gonna come. You throw your head back to rest on the sofa and stare blankly at the ceiling.

I shouldn't have said no.

I should have stayed.

Why did I do it.

I knew you i wrong.

I broke his heart.

It's all my fault.

Something is really wrong with me.

I made him cry.

He really loved me, how could you!

"Fuck."

The walls were closing in on you. It was going dark before your eyes, you couldn't shut your brain up. It was like you were trying to breathe but couldn't like someone evacuated your lungs out of oxygen or maybe there wasn't any oxygen left in the air to breathe. Head was hurting like someone was constructing a fucking road on it. You were panicking, heart beating at an abnormally high rate, sweat collecting at the low of your back. You lose complete sense of the surroundings. You try to get up but can't, so you just sit there on the sofa in the middle of a crowded room, trying to breath, with your head down to your knees. The music and the people get too loud, it felt like they were screaming your name you shut your eyes and cover your ears with your hands, just praying this would pass away soon.

A jacket was thrown over you, over your head. He was rubbing your back up and down, in an attempt to soothe you. He makes you shift from the position you were in to a position where your head was down on his knees, and his jacket still covering your face. His hand creeps under the jacket to caress your hair and he whispers sweet nothings in your ear, trying to make you focus on him, and on his voice.

You start crying in his lap, under his touch listening his voice after so many days, you missed him. His heart aches seeing you like this, watching you deteriorating day by day. He hated that he couldn't do anything, couldn't help you through it but he knew better. He knew nothing he could have said or done would have made you realise that running away was not an option, you have to face it, face your past and get over it, let go. And let love. Because what is love is not a risk? what is love if not taking a shot in the dark? what is love if not a mere chance? what is love if not a distinct possibility? Him trying would have just made you push him away even more! He wouldn't let that happen, so he waited on love. He waited on you. . He calls your name, twice "listen to my voice okay? It's okay, you're okay! Just try to breathe." You nod your head, the tears disappearing in the fabric of his jeans. "Let's go out okay?" He asks, after five minutes or so he walks you out of the room. Breathing the fresh night air somehow calms your nerves but you're still hyperventilating. He makes you side on the boundary wall that's pretty low. Your still a mess, eyes watering and breaths hitch you murmur small sorrys to him. The crying is just making it all worse, he noticed. Taking your face in his hands making you look straight into his eyes, "Breathe in." he asks you to and you do "hold." you hold your breath. "Release." you let go. At first it was hard but with his help you gained control again.

"I'm so sorry Yuta, i was i was trying to protec- protect you. I didn't wanted to hurt you i swear on my life." You sob. He nods, coming face to face "I know, you did your best."

"But I made you cry."

"because i couldn't see you hurting, also you left but i knew you were gonna come back."

"I tried that day, i wanted to stay i wanted to be with you but i couldn't i just couldn't bring myself up to believe that i was deserving to hold you. I-

I didn't deserve you, i still- "

"Don't complete that sentence or I'm gonna be real mad at you."

"no listen to me i don't have anything to give you I'm just I'm a messed up piece of shit i would've just wasted your time and energy."

"Well then you're my messed up piece of shit, whom i get to take care of because i want nothing but only you. And i totally wanna waste my time with you."

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be, Its all good now"

You took a deep breath. Nothing is gonna change the fact that you hurt him, but he was wise enough to know you weren't intentionally trying to. Love. "I don't know what else to say but i love you"

"And that's more than enough babe."

"Ba-be?"

"I've been dying to call you that you know?"

"Why are you so good to me?" He just shrugs and ruffles your hair. "Wanna complete watching that movie together?" You sigh in relief nodding your head a big yes.

You thought he was taking you to watch a movie, but it was a whole different scene the moment you entered his apartment. He changed the lights. They are a warm shade of yellow now. He did put the movie on, but you weren't paying any attention to it. Your head was hurting because of the sudden attack you had at the party, so he insisted on sleeping instead.

You tried sleeping, but the smell of his perfume on the bed kept you awake. makes you reckless. made your thoughts run wild. You remember how it felt the last time you were here, in his apartment. The tension, the dream, the heat, the kiss. Not the fighting part of the whole situation, but the part where you were wholly in love with him. The part where you wanted to take a chance The part where you wanted to give him your all.

Feeling too overdriven by your train of thoughts, you get out of bed. You follow the noise that was coming from the kitchen to find Yuta making something. "What are you doing at this hour of the night?" You speak softly, standing by the door frame. He looks at you unfazed. "I assumed you were sleeping," I said. "The bedsheets smell like you." You walk behind him slowly, his eyes following your every step. "Quite distracting."

"If you weren't drunk enough the last time you were here."

"Then I wouldn't have been here."

"Fact," he says, nodding."Try it," he says, handing you the cup. He emptied whatever he was making, tea. "Since when did you start drinking tea?" you question, placing the cup down, trying to sit on the counter. He helps you jump. "Since hot chocolate started reminding me of you."

"I'm sorry," you whisper quietly.

"You don't have to do it, and you shouldn't waste your time!" He scolds you, taking the empty cup from your hands and placing it in the sink. "I'll say it as long as I need to."

"Useless "

Then how can I make it up to you? You can only tell. "

"Endless ways I can think of right now." There was a sudden change in the way he spoke. The hoarseness in his voice lingered in the air and warmth creeped into his eyes. The coldness in the air was replaced by this heavy heat of want that was engulfing you and him alive. "Like?"

Keeping your voice at a hearable volume, you make space between your legs by separating them, which was taken by him the very next second, "like finishing what we started." " You know what's coming next." The movie? " You put on the most innocent face you ever had in your life, looking him directly in the eyes, playing with him like he plays with you. "Now now, what a disappointment you are," he says while tapping your cheek with his index finger. Biting your lower lip, you say, "Someone used to call me dumb..."

"You're playing the wrong game, babe." He warns, tracing your jaw line and down your neck. He then lines your clavicle up and down, "You're gonna lose." He takes both his hands behind your back, pulling you closer with a jerk. His face was only inches away now, his lower body already in contact. You could feel him hardening against your pussy. He was this close.

"What if I want to lose?" You answer, your voice barely above a whisper, the taste of the tea still in your mouth, sweet, but you want his taste now. He chuckles lowly, his lips brushing against yours as he speaks, his voice firm and demanding, unlike yours. "Well then, wait for me in the bedroom."

It was new and exciting to get to see this side of him. Unlike his normal caring and soft self, this Yuta knew what he wanted. He is precious and just, and he needs no explanation for anything he does. "Oh and babe, undies off but keep my t-shirt on." You follow his command, going straight to the bedroom and removing your underwear and tossing it aside.

You wait in anticipation, but don't quite know what to do. You were pacing around the room like a mouse chased by a cat. Butterflies in your stomach won't quiet down. The mere thought of what might happen causes goosebumps on your skin.Sitting at the edge of the bed, you check the time. It's 12:30 in the morning and that's when he enters.

All of them changed. His demeanour was that of a wolf out on a hunt. And you were his prey. He shut the door behind him. His eyes were darker and his skin appeared a little bit colder than before. It's not like there's a third person but. You get up on your feet and just stand there in the middle of the room, a thousand thoughts in your mind playing every possible scenario that could happen. He drags a chair by its arm, situating it just in front of you, and sits down on it like a king.

"Come ahead!" he orders. You start walking in an instant, almost tripping. His voice alone makes your insides curl and your pussy clench around nothing. Wetness is leaking down.

"You really want to go down this road?" Changing his expression suddenly, his eyes glistened with a golden tint, probably because of the light coming in from the window. You try to play along, "Aren't we already down?" He smiles. "You can stop me anytime you don't feel comfortable, okay?" You nod, melting into his softness. How can this person do it? switching between personalities in mere seconds.

"I doubt I'll stop you." You push a strand of your hair behind your ear, getting a little closer so your legs touch the chair. His legs were separated, and you were in the middle. The only source of light in the room was the street light, perfectly lighting up his face and your body. He lifts an eyebrow at what you just said, sitting upright in his chair. "Confident much? I like that. It won't be for too long though. " You shiver when his hands rub your outer thigh. He was waiting for a reply from you, but he was correct. The moment his hands touched your bare skin, all the confidence you were mustering up to talk back was thrown out of the window. His hands travel south and leave your skin hot, high, and dry.

You gasp at the loss of contact. Being touched by someone, by him after so many years, you don't think you can last in this game for even a minute.

"Let's begin, shall we?"

You manage an "uhhm..." as you brace yourself for whatever he's about to do. He relaxes in his chair. With his eyebrows lifting up and down, he asks you to sit on the bed with a simple but powerful command. "Sit."

You sit at the edge of the bed, your legs shut tight, your hands sweaty, and your mouth dry.

"Let me see you." You didn't quite hear him, but you heard him. It was just so shockingly sudden.

"Huh?" you stutter under his strong gaze.

"Lost already." He deadpanned. He was mocking you, and he knows it's affected you. "Spread your legs, sweetheart."

On his command, your agape mouth was shut, your legs already following his order, deciding to move on their own as your mind had given up on thinking ages ago.

The show hasn't even started yet, and he's enjoying himself watching your timidity in every move you make. "No, actually, shift a little back. Make yourself comfortable." He gets up and shifts his chair forward as you move back on the bed. He got a glimpse of your core while you were shifting. You know he did because you saw the expression change on his face. Right there in that split second, you saw him almost lose and regain his composure.

Not letting him speak again, you spread your legs wide and open. The loose t-shirt that was covering you shifts up automatically, leaving you uncovered for him to devour you with his eyes alone. You looked at him and he looked at your core, shamelessly. This somehow gave you some kind of power over him. He is too weak for you. He curses under his breath, closing his eyes and breathing deeply but fast.

The moment he opened his eyes and met yours, your soul definitely left your body. Your breath hitched, and you tried to look away from him, but his gaze was so hard it locked yours. You couldn't. "Touch yourself." You clench at his words, and he sees that.

"Be more specific." That was bold of you to say that. He almost choked on your words. You may be the shy girl who is affected by small things, but you are also a freak. Although you do want to lose, you'd still give it your best shot.

He poked his tongue under his cheek, nodding his head in approval of your regained confidence. "Touch your clit with only one finger and don't move it."

Very precise. You do as he says. There is only one finger on your clit, and there is no movement at all.

"Tap it." You do, lifting your finger up and keeping it gently on your throbbing clit. You clench again the moment your fingers touch, gasping out silently. "Keep on doing it until I say stop." He bites his lower lip as he watches you enjoy yourself at his command. The fact that you were doing it while he was watching you with his sinful gaze has already got you gripping the sheets and curling your toes.

You do it slowly, sensually, watching him watch you. He's affected in ways he can't explain and in ways you can't fathom. Feeling good, you take your lower lip between your teeth and close your eyes. You get more comfortable as you fully submit to the task you were given. You let your head hang freely, trying to be more vocal, but letting out soft whimpers only. You didn't want to give him too much just yet.

"Stop."

You hiss at him. Drawing in a sharp breath, you bite your lip harshly in agression, not wanting to stop but stopping anyway. You look forward to him, his dilated pupils eyeing you like a scavenger, making you light-headed. "Enjoying yourself too much?"

You nod slowly, your gaze never leaving his, and it drives him insane.

Warmth creeps beneath your skin when he gets up from his chair and motions for you to come forward. You get on your knees, the t-shirt covers you again and you crawl to him to the edge of the bed to where he was standing. Sitting on your heels, you watch him loosen his belt. Then he undoes the waist button and unzips his pants. He slides them down, revealing white boxers and his untamed bulge, which he somehow managed to keep inside and hidden.

You're dizzy by just imagining the size of him. You're unsure of what to do. Should you help him undress himself or should you just sit back and anticipate? Like a lost child, you wait for him to tell you. He asks a question instead. "I suppose you don't know how to give a blow job." Feeling belittled, you shook your head, looking up at him, "perfect." He compliments.

He slid the boxers down, his hard, thick and girthy dixk slapping against his abdomen, now free of any restrictions, standing tall and proud in front of you. You were too busy focusing on his perfection that you failed to keep up. He had already removed his shirt, and was now standing completely naked in front of you for the very first time. It's nerve awakening.

That is when you actually felt the gravity of the situation. It wasn't just some game you were playing; it was actually happening. You and he were actually happening. You fucking confessed to him yesterday! Yuta thought he was going to be angry and not talk to you at all because you broke his heart, but it's the complete opposite situation, he just couldn't be angry at you. Yuta knows better, good for you. He loves you. You love him and all your dreams about him were about to come true, he was going to make you his.

"Fuck!" You didn't mean to say that out loud.

"Like what you see? I bet you dreamt about me. " It was like you were hypnotised by him or you lost control of yourself. It was like you were high on some drug. Or maybe you were high on him because you weren't thinking before nodding your head when he asked you that question.

"What was I doing in them?" He takes his cock in his hands and starts palming it. You swear you saw it grow even bigger in size, as if it already wasn't. Too astonished to see the action just inches away from your eyes, you answer, "You were fucking me raw. From behind." You look up and gulp, "And you were spanking me, pulling my hair, kissing me, and marking me yours," you say in a small voice, so shameless, so pure.

"Get up on your knees." You do, inching yourself closer to him; he's still stroking his length in between. You look down, a new angle to admire him. You place your hand on his, your hand moving up and down his shaft with his. He slows down. "Want me to do all those things for you? Want me to touch you? " You looked up, mouth parted and eyes glistening to meet his dark ones. "Want me to pull your hair? want me to kiss you? fuxk you?"

You nod frantically consumed by your arousal, his voice travelling straight to your untouched, unlooked, un-taken-careof core, your wetness literally sliding down your thigh. It's hurtful.

"Oh baby, don't be that cute or I'll just have to fuck you right now." He says this restlessly before connecting his lips with yours. You let out a sigh of relief before giving into him. It was kind of the first physical contact he made after getting in this room, which has been nothing but hard for him to keep his hands away from you. He deepens the kiss. Tilting your face to the left, he locks his fingers in your hair, pulling them. The kiss was sloppy and messed up and just perfect, laced with desire and lust in every bit of it. Your tongues collided, your teeth clashed; you both just couldn't get enough of each other. Your hands rested on his neck, gripping tightly for support. He bites your lower lip making you gasp, then sucks it like candy.

You reciprocate his every move. You try to, but you are getting out of breath. His hands travel down your back, lifting the t-shirt up and gripping your ass, squeezing it hard. You say his name aloud, breaking the kiss, "Yuta!" Your forehead rested on his shoulder while he kissed and nipped at your ear while kneading you, "Yes baby, you like it?" You hum in response, lifting your head up and looking at him, holding him close. "Rub your clit for me, baby."

You bite your lower lip, lowering your hands and legs, your gaze never leaving his. You rub yourself up and down and in circles. He can't really see, but he knows. It makes his dick twitch. You let out a loud, breathy, dragged out moan, setting up a pace, "mhmmm shit."

He mimics that moan, his eyes burning with desire and lust. "Mhmmm shit... Nice and slow, yea baby, so good for me." You let out another breathy moan, closing your eyes but quietly this time, not wanting him to mock you again.

His finger was placed on yours, on the one that was rubbing circles on your clit. You jump, in shock or excitement, you don't know. Your brain seizes the movement of your finger completely, "Why did you stop?" he takes over. His fingers move up and down, making yours move as well. Resting his forehead on yours, he continues to play with you, making you whimper with every flick.

He moves your hands aside, your face contouring in pleasure when his fingers touch you, bare and raw, with nothing in between. There were chills running down your lower back, your stomach tightening with the pleasure he was delivering. Slowing down a little, he collects your wetness in his fingers, bringing it to your mouth to suck on it. You lick it first, then swirl your tongue around it, and then take it in completely, sucking like a lollipop.

You kiss him with your flavour in your mouth. His hands find their way back between your legs, rubbing your clit, up and down and sideways, the wetness making his movements sloppy, his fingers gliding frictionless on your sweet swollen nub. His finger circles your opening before carefully dipping it inside of you. You purr in his ear while his lips ghost over the exposed skin of your neck. His breath hits you every time he exhales, absolutely burning your skin to a hot red. You clench around his finger, not letting it escape. Well, you finally have something to clench around this time. He stays inside of you for awhile.

"Rub yourself again." And in no time, you're following his words, bringing your right hand to circle your clit. Now desperate to release, you don't go for slow motion but rather set a high pace.

"Slow it down."

You might be in disagreement looking at him but he gives you one look and you're slowing your fingers down. He pulls his finger out just to push it in again, and again, and again. You try to match your movements with his, setting a slow rhythm. You go up every time he pushes in, and that's how he drives you to your first orgasm of the night.

You've been at the edge for so long, you're coming undone with only one finger. You stop circling yourself and hold him to keep yourself up while his fingers are still working you up, slow and steady, riding you through it and pushing you into the beginning of the next one.

His finger was buried up to his knucles, deep in you. He places his palm flat against your mound. You press into his touch. Moving your hips to grind into his hand, breathing harshly, he supports your body and whispers praises in your ear about how good you are and the amazing job you're doing. Just when you thought you could cum again, he makes you stop and removes his hand from between your legs.

Licking his finger clean, he asks you to get on your hands and knees, "face down ass up, fast!" he said while pumping himself. The site of his hardened veiny dick was hard to look at. It was begging for your attention, but you weren't really confident with that. Instead of following his order, you stare at him palming himself. You look at him with a question written in your eyes. He understands what you're asking for but doesn't really acknowledge it. "Please." You kneel in front of him. He rolls his eyes, but gives you a look of content.

"My girl wants a taste."

You smile when he calls you his girl, "Yes. Your girl wants a taste." emphasis on the, "your girl."

When you bring your face closer and look up at him, ready to take him in, he curses under his breath, holding your head in place with his hands clenching your hair in a fist, in the softest manner. "Open your mouth." You do, also giving a little extra you stick your tongue out for him.

He places the tip of his dick on your tongue, gently sliding it in against the surface. You close your lips around it. He slides further deep into your mouth, controlling himself to not push in too deep. Very slowly, he draws it out, leaving you empty and wanting more of him. He lets you take a taste, though. Slithering against your tongue in swift motions.

You swirl your tongue around his tip, which is already leaking. You try to take him deeper but his grip won't let you he only fucks his tip in. Finally bringing up the courage to take him into your small hands, you wrap your hand around the base of it, applying slight pleasure, moving your hand up and down his shaft.

"Just like that." His voice boosts your confidence. He lets you play with him with your innocent little hands which are like a tease to him, until he can't take it anymore. Seeing you determined, his grip on your hair tightens and with his other hand, he moves your hands aside. He yanks your head back. "Open wider" He growls, as you do. And he slams his cock deeper than before. The sounds you produce are embarrassing. He goes deeper, causing you to gag, your heartbeat fastening even more all of a sudden. You mumble protest, telling him to remove himself and wrap your hand around his wrist, taking a hold of it. He withdraws himself, you cough a little, breathing deeply, then open your mouth again to take him in. He grins, "Now that's my baby!" tightening his fist around your hair and pulling your head a little more up.

He slides his dick down again, slowly and gently going deeper. He wasn't even going deep to be honest; he was just at the brim, yet your mouth was full of him. Hair messed up and eyes watery, swollen lips wrapped around his girthy member, saliva trailing down your neck, only acting as a lubricant. When he finally siezes his dick after seeing your tousled state and didn't want to cum just yet, you try to regain your breath. Holding your hair back, not pulling anymore, rather soothing your nerves down. Wiping a tear away, he devours your glistening lips with his, not taking any time to deepen it. Pushing you down on the bed, he hovers over you, keeping his knee in between your legs, very very close to your aching to be touched core. His lips leave yours, connecting to your still aching jaw. He leaves a warm wet trail of kisses down your neck and everywhere in between. Sloppy kisses were placed along your clavicle, purposely sucking and leaving red marks around, making you hiss in pain and take his name.

His hands roam up and down your body, making sure there isn't a single inch left to be touched and explored by him. His hand stretched the tee you were wearing, revealing only the upper part of your breast. He kitten licks the area, then bites the flesh and soothes it with a kiss, making every part of your body his, messed up, burning hot and so beautiful.

His lips go south, taking your hardened nipple in his mouth and sucking on it through the thin fabric of the tee. While playing with the other, Your lower body automatically starts grinding on his knee, trying to obtain some friction, but it seems to be not working, but you swear the amount of heat dissipating from just the mere contact was enough to melt gold and silver.

He is too intoxicated just by the way you feel against his lips. He brings himself back to reality to perform the second main job. He gets off the bed only to sink down on his knees in front of you. His face only a few licks away from your heat, you move closer to his mouth. He separates your legs further away, only able to look at you in full bloom this once. Drunk already, he dives in for a sip, and he is not disappointed. A long lick from the bottom of your warmth till up to your clitoris got your toes curling. While he laps at your juices, you curse his name a hundred times. He flicks your clit with his tongue, then sinks it as deep as it can go into you while nuzzling his nose to brush against your clit, it's a perfect blend to which he adds his fingers, the middle one he pushes in first. Out he comes to push it in 2 knuckles deep and then finally sink it deeper, curling it inside, making you roll your eyes back in pure bliss. You're feeling extremely. He adds another finger. That hurts a little but is soon replaced with pleasure. He works you up to your second orgasm, but doesn't let you cum just yet.

His hands leave your body at once, and you hold back a moan, trying not to sound desperate. His figure walks across the room where he must have kept his wallet.

You hear a wrapper being torn, goosebumps crawl up on your skin. He takes no time to return. "Make room for me." He gets on the bed, splitting your legs wider. He lets you rest in a comfortable position, keeping a pillow under your head. He drags his fingers between your folds, collecting your juices and spreading them on his member. You look up at the ceiling, aftain, excited, impatient. The yellow lights are forming abstract patterns on the wall. You feel his tip at your entrance, and soon he pushes it in with optimum pressure. You contract your muscles and your eyes shut tightly at the feeling. It's one of pain and fear and not pleasure. "Yuta, it hurts." You breathe out and call his name, your hands trying to grab his shoulders. He pushes in further, rather slowly this time while towering over you and coming face to-face, "Good."

You lift your hips up a little to ease out the passage, and he bottoms out. He stays like that for a minute. No words were exchanged, just the feelings being felt. His breaths are uneven matching with yours. He connects your foreheads together. You don't know if his eyes are closed or open. They're closed. You inhale him in as he exhales you.

"Fuck," he growls just before abruptly slamming into you, "Fuck."

And then it continues, and it hurts no more. He's fucking you hard and slow, going deep and deeper. Making you cry out every time he hits that spot. His voice is husky and low, sending shivers dancing up and down your body. You whimper under him. Your sounds, mixed with the slickness of your bodies crashing into each other, were playing on repeat; warmth and lust in the shade of red were decorating the room, and the orange glitched tint was illuminating the perfect parts of him and you.

He goes from a painfully slow to a pleasurably fast pace, no mercy he was showing, abusing your little cunt with his big thick dick, driving all the pleasure out for himself as he should, while giving you exactly what you wanted. So good. It feels so good to finally have him inside you, using you, destroying you to only mend you as whole, as his.

He's fucks you so right.

He lifts his body up a little, supported by his hands over you, looking at your contoured face. He slaps your cheek playfully in an attempt to get you to open your eyes and look at him while he fuxks the shit out of you. He grabs your hands and pins them behind your head. Oh, he knows you are going to come, but it doesn't make him stop or slow down. He continues fuxking you harder and harder until you come undone under him. Your body convulses. Waves of pleasure travel through your nerves, hitting your brain. Your vision go black and, for a brief moment, you lose complete sense of reality, being in a state of complete euphoria. You've never had an orgasm like this before.

And the best part of it all is that he doesn't stop.

He's drilling in and out of you at a monsteric pace. Your body writhes under him, trying to squirm its way out of his grip, but all these go in vain when his fingers wrap around your dainty neck, applying only the right amount of pressure to hold you down and keep your body fixed in its place.

When he loses control, his merciless pace becomes even more merciless, banging his head hard, fast, and deep all at once. His thrusts became sloppy and rushed. Chasing after his high, he goes feral. You watch him clench his jaw in pleasure, the sweat rolling down making his hair stick to his skin, his low grunts and humming sound. He's trying to contain himself. What a sight. It makes you want to cum again.

The pleasure starts building at the pit of your stomach again. You wrap both your hands around his hand, the one that was choking you, while rocking your hips back and forth, trying to match him, looking into his eyes, speaking with an unspoken language.

And that's how he fuckls you into believing that you are enough, for him and for yourself. That you are capable of being loved and taken care of. That even if you're messy and stupid and dumb, you're still perfect. That you can let go and you can trust. That you can be.

Be his.

And then he explodes inside of you. He couldn't be more grateful, couldn't be more precise in saying that his wait was worth it. You were worth it. He rubs you into your third orgasm. And after that, nothing was like it was before.

All of you changed.

All of you changed when he kissed you and told you that he loved you so much. All of you changed when you saw him clean you up in the after hours. All of you changed when he fell asleep beside you, taking you into his arms.

All of you changed when you met him for the first time.

______

did not proof read, but hope u liked it, The constructive criticism is accepted here, do leave a follow ~

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