#and you know. very easy to avoid that if you simply Do Not File The Paperwork.

[rxttenfish]

please understand. if you sit close to aaravi while shes deep in thought, you can hear her Clicky Clacky her mandibles. they might be useless but they ARE stimmy as hell.

[salt-baby]

POTS Medication Vocabulary

after about the third time a doctor prescribed a medication that made my POTS drastically worse, and about three doctors visits past giving up on being an easy patient, i started asking my doctors the following questions whenever they prescribed a new long term medication:

is this medication a hypotensive? (will this medication lower my blood pressure?)

does this medication have a risk of tachycardia? (can this medication raise my heart rate?)

is this medication a diuretic? (will this medication dehydrate me?)

can this medication cause hyponatremia? (will this medication cause my body to lose salt?)

your doctor likely doesn’t know all of this off the top of their head for every medication, but they should know the most common adverse reactions. some may simply tell you they have no clue. i still think it’s worth asking to force them to consider these mechanisms.

for additional consideration:

your pharmacist likely knows the answers to these questions better than your doctor does. 

an additional list of types of drugs which should be avoided is available here, in the table on the fourth page. (note that propranolol, a beta blocker, is often prescribed for POTS but is discouraged by this paper. as someone whose taken it, it’s worth trying to see if it will improve symptoms, but didn’t for me. Additionally, these are just guidelines, and in those with, for example, both hEDS and POTS, the benefits of opiates for pain relief may be worth the risk of worsening POTS.)

regardless of what the doctor says, I always look up the FDA info sheet before taking a medication. these can be found pretty easily on google (your med + “fda pdf”), and list most of the adverse effects. I’m happy to make a post about reading these info sheets.

there’s a reason prescribing medication is left to those with years of medical training - it’s a complicated and difficult process. but oftentimes those who do this work are so overworked and burnt out, they don’t have the ability to read someone’s entire medical file, or be aware of an adverse event that only affects those with an uncommon condition. I find asking these questions forces my doctors to think about my chronic conditions, and after so many adverse events, I always check a medication for myself before taking it. 

remember that you can and should refuse to take a medication that is making your life worse or harming you. even pediatric patients have the right to refuse a medication, and often times, I’ve found nothing other than a very firm “no, I refuse” will get a doctor to consider other options. and even though its against the norm, remember that you have the right to ask your doctor why they’ve chosen that medication for you.

as always, feel free to ask questions, they make my day!

[a-twistedheartslonging]

IM LOVING UR NONHUMAN AU.

Do you think Crowley would be protective of us? Maybe fend off the beasties that try to court us?

That's a cute thought.

Realistically, Crowley is a dick that often leaves the protagonist to fend for their self and pushes them to take care of dangerous stuff that they really shouldn't have to.

But on the other hand…hehe birb dad.

One of the reasons he avoids us is because of the whole us “wanting a way home thing.”

Imagine his surprise when you tell him you would rather stay. Maybe you don't have a family, maybe the family you have is horrible, or maybe it's because our world is a polluted mess with a cruddy economy. Regardless it means he doesn't have to (pretend) to put in the work of sending you home. 

Well, as long as there's a place for you to stay that is. He is sort of your guardian and it would be in the best interest of himself and the entire school if you stayed.

Now a thing I like to think about…this man is likely lonely. I mean, a lot of people don't like the guy. (for good reason) The students and teachers are tired of his shit, though he and Trien seem to be homies and have tea together, the guy’s cat still hates him. Crowley also doesn't have a mate or any hatchlings waiting at home for him.

Combine the guilt trip of having nowhere else to go, add his loneliness, and then butter the guy up. I would say you have a good chance of getting him attached.

Imagine he sees you heading his way and is about to screw off cuz he doesn't want to deal with whatever thing you need to get fixed or have to complain about, you catch the sleeve of his coat before he can, and so he braces himself. But instead of asking him for something or scolding him you simply ask him about his day and how he's doing.

Birdman is shook.

Bit by bit the tasks and chores he gives you are ones where you'll be around him or he’ll randomly pop in to check in on you while doing them. Soon you end up being the preferred person for making and bringing him his tea. He pretends to nap on his office couch while you do his paperwork. May even ask you to help him file his claws on occasion. If it wasn't so dire for you to take care of things at the school he would be half tempted to bring you along on one of his vacations. If you give him anything it's going on his desk and he will brag about it to anyone who enters his office.

His cheap ass isn't going to spoil you but he will bring you small gifts. Usually the random shiny thing and small souvenir from his trips away. You might start finding loose feathers around Ramshackle and more crows around who also bring small things.

He starts thinking up plans for you to stay on as official faculty of the school once graduating. Of course, it's only because you are super useful and not because he’ll miss you or anything…

It doesn't really hit him until after he sees one of the teachers getting all father figure-y with you and he gets jealous.

Displeased bird noises.

Even before he started to get attached to you he did keep an eye on you, your easy prey amongst beasts after all, but he does develop a habit of popping in more when a boy happens to show his interest in you…or anytime he thinks someone is trying to sneak in and swipe his unofficial dad role…he does a lot of that with Crewel and Trien in particular.

Still, even with his affection for you, he’s still very much…him and the boys know this. Not long till he finds the more well-off beasty boys in his office offering donations to the school in exchange for certain things. More info about you, making you a member of his dorm, ect. A few have learned that the best thing to butter him up with is to talk about what a kind and generous father figure he is and how lovely it would be for Crowley to give the perfect away on their wedding day.

As a result, he, and probably Grim, are going to nudge you toward certain preferred suitors.

[ch4nb4ng]

The Pompous Laywer

Pairing: Changbin x afab!reader

Genre: Enemies to lovers

Word count: 12.3k (jesus i know i always say i get carried away but this is the worst one to date)

Warning: 18+ fic, swearing, mentions of police and law, kissing, fingering, mentions of behind, breasts and nipples, penetration, mentions of erections, precum, switch (?) both people, no huge dynamics of any type, semi-public sex

Note: hey !!! I have binge watched the tv show The rookie and I'm obsseseed with it so I based this fic loosely off two of the characters on thw show. I will put a link here of the vibes of these chracters so you can get an idea of the vibe I was going for (here) and (here) . No visual inspo today it got deleted :(

Taglist: @seo--changbin @j-0ne25 @cb97whoree @kpopsstuffs

Summary: Tension was at an all time high between you, the very capable and well established police officer, and the arrogant, smug lawyer who was always in your way. That was, until he actually needed you for a favour, out of the precinct, and on his office.

It was a breezy day at police headquarters for the team. The holidays were over, meaning that crime rate was low, and mainly because today was an admin day for you; your least favorite. Stacks on top of stacks of finishing reports, filing said reports, making sure that it is impeccable shape. The last time you accidentally filed a case on August 21 instead of August 20, the captain gave it to you for days. 

****

That was years ago, during your rookie days. Now being a training officer, things were more fun. It was also easy to pick on the rookies that were assigned to you, feeling partly vindicated for what you had to experience during your own early days. However, without sounding too cliche, it also allowed them to become the best cops they could be, and it was fun to become friends with them, have them become your fellow colleagues and knowing that if you were in any high risk situation, they would have the training and rationality to have your back and do what is necessary.

***

Your eyes boggled as you sat at your desk, immediately noticing the way your fellow police officer, and best friend, Felix avoided eye contact when chucking the thick mound of paper onto the edge of your desk. The Sergeant was already out and about, checking and maintaining his authority by checking who was working and who was not. Sergeant Bang was not surprised to see you doing other things than what you were supposed to be doing; it was very obvious when you were staring at the large analog clock that was plastered on the wall, facing the opposite direction of your desk.

“How’s the paperwork going?”

“Pff,” you huffed, falling face first into the humongous pile, “Sergeant Bang, it’s a lot but I’ll get it done.”

“Good work y/n, I need at least half done by the end of the day, you need to take Hyunjin out on the street today, and you need to follow up on a house disturbance that occurred yesterday.”

“Yes sir.”

Your designated rookie, Hyunjin, was walking over to your desk, a large smile greeting his face as he took his seat next to you.

“Good morning Y/n, how are you today?”

“Can you not see the stack here? Get to work rookie, we need half of this done at midday so we can head back to that house we visited yesterday.”

“Got it,” Hyunjin replied, still smiling as he enthusiastically grabbed a quarter and clicked his pen, getting straight to it. You were lucky this year, taking on one of the rookies that was keen to listen, but also didn’t take it to heart when you criticized or made jokes. Most rookies understood that it was part of the process to earn your extra stripes.

Midday could not come fast enough. You were drowning in paperwork, and a coffee was definitely something you needed if your brain was not going to shut down. A large yawn fell from your lips as you rose from your chair, sluggishly making your way to the break room. The coffee pot had just been boiled, thank god, simply needing to just pour it in. Your arms moved slowly, sluggish movements following before a single drop touched your lips. Oh the feeling of sweet relief as the warm liquid ran down your throat, giving you enough energy to get back to your desk and into the swing of paperwork.

The pile descended bit by bit, but when the clock struck midday, a jolt of electricity sparked through your body as you nudged Hyunjin to get the tactical gear and prepare the shop. Felix was standing next to you, waiting for his own rookie to complete the same action.

“How is Hyunjin going?”

“Yeah good, kinda felt bad that he got stuck with my paperwork.”

A smirk came to Felix’s face, a playful punch coming into contact with your shoulder after.

“You made him do most of your own admin work? Damn, your harsh T.O y/l/n.”

A giggle came after Felix’s gentle criticism, “work hard play hard right? Got much on in the afternoon?”

“Not really, but we are only doing street patrol for a couple of hours today. Mr. Douchebag is coming in because I booked one of his clients yesterday.”

Fuck. When Felix said Mr. Douchebag, you knew exactly who he was talking about. Seo Changbin, the most scumbag defense attorney's known to mankind. Acted like he owned the place whenever he came into the precinct, treated sargents, captains, and police officers with little to zero respect. It’s people like him in the legal system that you simply did not want to make time for.

“For fucks sake,” you mumbled, “when is here not the fucking here?”

“Unfortunately,” Felix paused, covering his mouth to prevent anyone from hearing you gossip on the job, “and I hate to give him credit, but he somehow manages to represent every person in here, and most of them seem to get off. He’s trying to get me for unlawful captivity on the drug dealer we busted yesterday.”

“Pfft,” you scoffed, “of course he is. He-,”

Before you could continue, a sudden bubble of anger traveled across your fibers as you saw him walk into the precinct. Suited up, completely, that fucking brown leather briefcase he always carried. God. Even the way he held his chin up, facial expression showing nothing but arrogance because he knew that as soon as he saw you or Felix, he was going to be relentless. 

“God he’s such a douchebag.”

“Listen Y/n, I actually hate him, you on the other hand,” Felix paused, giving you an unimpressed look, “Try not to get your panties in a twist.”

“Dude,” you hit him, face heating up from his rather honest remark.

The two of you had a history. From the multiple times he got his clients to remain silent, released on bail when they should not have been. Having to testify as the officer on scene and he would do everything in his power to tear you down, make you look incompetent. Changbin was a menace, and if it was anybody else you would admire how smart and hard working someone like that was. But to do that, let’s just say you would rather get hit by a bus like Regina George. He always, for some reason that baffled you to try and work out, was always obsessed with proving you wrong. Felix’s ‘wrongdoings’ were ones he liked to point out too, but yours were tenfold. It’s like he thought that you should be fired not everytime you apparently did something against the law, but more specifically when it was something he didn’t like. Something that went against his own personal morals, and that’s what irritated you the most. The pompous lawyer only did what aligned with his morals and values, which to any normal person, would be the opposite of most. Every word that came out of his mouth gave you a headache.

But god, was he hot. There was always a tension, the strength of it based on how fiery the disagreements became,  that filled the room whenever a conversation (if you were putting your interactions nicely) was sparked between the two of you. It was easy for all the officers to see, and the amount of shit you copped for it was an understatement. Especially since you worked in a job where everyone’s observational skills were of high standard. Nonetheless, you would never let anything get in the way of your job, and that meant never mixing business with pleasure. I mean, not that you wanted to, because as soon as he opened his mouth, any feasible positive thought of attraction or whatever it was that made you feel drawn for him for a second flew out the window.

It didn’t take long for him to identify the two of you, a sly smile covering his lips as he strode over, expensive dress shoes, ones that he bought by most likely overcharging his clients ten fold to support his wannabe lavish lifestyle, clicked across the concrete floor and as soon as he was standing in front of you, his eyes gazed down then slowly back up, making sure to up his sleaziness by checking you out. If punching someone in the face wasn’t illegal, Seo Changbin would be knocked out cold.

“Officers.”

The two of you refused to look in the eye, the pompous lawyer very much undeserving of your respect, let alone your attention. He chuckled when he noticed, readjusting his suit in an attempt to gain control over whatever this interaction was.

“Long time no see,” you replied with the fakest smile, gritting your teeth in resistance.

“How fortunate,” he fake pouted, completely matching your energy, “I’m not here for you today, I’m here for him.”

Felix crossed his arms and stood strong to keep his high standard of authority with Changbin.

“My client hasn’t said a word in 48 hours, so you need to let him go.”

Your best friend rolled his eyes as he said nothing, allowing him to walk passed as headed over to the investigation room. You could tell straight away that Felix was flat, another defeat he had experienced at the hands of this ruthless, douchebag, absolutely cock of a lawyer. It got under your skin even more each time. Nonetheless, maintaining a high standard of professionalism meant having the communication skills required to result in efficient or necessary outcomes. You placed a hand on Felix’s gripped wrist, opening it up and hoping he would take a deep breath.

“Felix come on,” you whispered, easily able to feel the lawyer's eyes burning into the side of your head, “we’ll get him next time.”

He shrugged you off, heading back to his desk and engrossing himself in paperwork. You knew not to take it personally, seeing as his frustration wasn’t with you, but rather with how Changbin always seemed to have the upper hand on the two of you. 

**

Hyunjin was taking an awfully long time, especially since Changbin has already left the interrogation room, making a v line straight for you again. His stance was still cocky as hell, hanging up his phone call with the perfect timing so he could stand right in your face. His hair was parted on the side, bangs slicked back, exposing his forehead. His shoulders were wider than usual, arms bulging out of the jacket as his smirk sent a shiver down your spine. Fuck. 

You were lying if you said that he wasn’t attractive, objectively speaking of course. He always had some kind of smoothness about him, even if it was arrogant, on some days, maybe when you were feeling vulnerable or frustrated, he was always something to look at. Wearing clothes that were way too tight was clearly a staple, but it’s not like you were complaining. If anything, the cocky persona, sometimes, was a little arousing. But then as soon as he opened his mouth, all of that perceived charisma and attraction disappeared.

“God it feels good getting them out unscathed.”

“Find somewhere else to gloat Changbin,” you scoffed, eyes fixated in the way his tie arched across his chest, “I’m not the person who made the arrest.”

“Oh I know, it makes me sad,” he fake pouted once more, “I kind of wish you were the arresting officer, could have spent more time working together.”

There was a slight pang in your chest at his words. You knew that he was joking, his sarcasm was impossible to not notice. He took a step even closer, now in your personal space. He raked another peek up and down, another god evil smirk plastering his lips. His look definitely did not go unnoticed. You took no pleasure in cowering away from him, standing strong and face tough because you knew better than to give him any benefit of the doubt that he would turn around and treat you with any kind of decency.

“Yeah well I’m not and you should know better than to interact with me if there aren’t any pressing cases or charges that I am involved in.”

“Yeah I know, which is why I am talking to you.”

Your eyebrows furrowed, mind scrambling as you had quite literally no idea what on earth he could be talking about. There were no open cases of yours right now, and even if they were, it had been passed onto detectives as the severity of the cases were too much for an officer. 

“Yeah, you know your T.O? How he was arrested for drug trafficking in front of the whole office last month? Yeah, well it turns out he asked me to defend him.”

The case sent you into a frenzy. Your T.O was the backbone on how you became the cop you were today. They got you through the trials and tribulations. Seeing a lot of gruesome things on the job was hard to conceptualize at first, but they were the first to comfort and assure you that things would be okay. When it was announced, 3 days before public knowledge, it broke your heart. Made you question everything that you thought you knew about policing. Therefore, for Changbin to bring up not only the arrest, but the fact that he was defending him was a low blow, even for him.

“Are you fucking serious?”

“Of course. Earning the cop money is fucking great.”

You could feel the heat under the uniform rising rapidly, the mixture of stress at the mention of the anxiety induced name was not a good combination when standing in front of a person you already wanted to punch in the face solely for their existence.  

“You shouldn’t be defending them.”

Changbin’s expression changed, the cocky arrogant facade of Changbin to one more serious, like he was offended by what you said. Here you go, accidentally offending his so-called morals and beliefs. Always more important to him than the actual law.

“And what gives you the right to tell me who I can and can’t defend?”

You rolled your eyes at his question. “Look, I know you like to defend the scum, but this is the lowest.”

“That’s why I did it. Cops are just the worst, and defending an ex cop is great to me, but let’s not get brash and cut straight to the chase. I need you for the case.”

The look on your face was priceless. The shock was real, and you were too busy processing his words to realize his hardness dropped, the arrogance disappearing when he saw the hurt pouring from your eyes. The atmosphere changed, and it was more of one where Changbin, shocking himself, felt guilt toward you.

“Like hell I’m defending that piece of shi-”

“Wait,” he interrupted, another expression, this one different, more like concern as he heard the slight strain of hurt in your vocals, “I feel bad asking, but they want you as a character witness.”

Your frustration was reaching a new point, boiling point coming up much sooner than you would have liked. A tear threatened to spill from your eyes as you quickly flicked it away, not wanting the pompous lawyer to see any form of vulnerability, to know he beat you. Every conversation with Changbin was a competition; sometimes you won, sometimes you lost. He placed a hand on your shoulder, wanting to comfort you in a way that wasn’t too personal and suspicious in a public place. However, for you this was personal, and anyone with half a brain cell knew that this would strike a very sensitive cord within you. The tension was thick, and it was a relief that you could see your rookie coming back over to break up whatever this moment was.

“Here,” Changbin took out his business card, “it has my phone number on it. If you agree to do it, we will have to have a meeting to go over things. You don’t have to, but they would greatly appreciate it.”

You said nothing, a light smile across your face as you let yourself fall into the dream that was Changbin’s gaze. You weren’t sure if it was the sudden calming, friendly demeanor and lack of goblin behavior that you didn't know he was capable of expressing, or the idea that the buttons on his shirt were getting tighter and tighter, the spaces between them getting bigger the longer he stood there. It was hard to form a word the more time you spent with him.

Hyunjin was back, finished loading the shop before you could continue your shit talking conversation. You coughed to adjust yourself, not wanting for Changbin or your rookie to see that he was under your skin.

“All ready boot?”

He nodded, a friendly smile as he followed you, grin disappearing as he noticed your vulnerable demeanor. Hyunjin stepped in front of you, feeling the need to protect you from him, and to close the already small space that the two of you were sharing. You pushed him aside, a weak smile on your lips as Changbin waited for you to answer.

“Let me think about it.”

He nodded, allowing you to leave and head to the car with Hyunjin. As you got into the passenger's seat your mind continued to race with two things. Partly your T.O, but mainly Changbin. 

It was the first time that you had seen an almost human side to him. You weren’t sure what to call it, but it was encasing your mind, taking over all conscious parts of your brain. It was almost impossible to believe that a lawyer, especially a defense lawyer, actually felt bad for asking someone to help him with a case.

“Are you okay?”

Hyunjin snapped you out of deep thought, looking at you while driving to analyze your facial expressions.

“Eyes on the road boot, and yes I’m fine.”

A silence fell over the car, the lack of criminal activity responsible for that.

“Is something going on between you and the lawyer?”

You gave him a look of disgust, finding this a completely inappropriate question to ask a superior officer. Even though it wasn’t a completely ridiculous question to ask, it was obvious to a third party that there was something better. But you knew better than to have your rookie have the upper hand on you, especially when it came to your personal life.

“Why are you running your mouth, boot? You know who he is right?”

“Yes, I,” Hyunjin hesitated, worried that you were upset with him, “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m fine,” you mumbled, adjusting yourself in the rather large seat. When it came to your personal life, especially when it wasn’t great it was easier to be this way. Cold, brash. It also seemed to be the way that Hyunjin learnt how to do things efficiently and easily.

“I’m sorry Y/n, I know I’m overstepping, but I saw the way he looked at you when your appearance changed. Like he really cared for you.”

“Hyunjin I swear to god,” you yelled, immediately getting defensive at his implication. Your tone was harsh, a prompt guilt coming over you as you continued to speak, correcting the tone of what and how you said it.

“He didn’t do anything that bad, and there’s nothing going on in between us.”

You paused again, looking around with the means of refusing any possible contact when talking about this sensitive subject.

“He asked me to testify in a case about my T.O.”

“The one that got arrested?”

“Yeah,” you mumbled, feeling small even talking about it, “wants me to be a character witness for him.”

“That’s so rough, I’m really sorry.”

“Eh it’s not your fault. Enough about me, let’s focus on the road.”

The afternoon of patrol was easy, but your mind floated every once in a while to everything that surrounded Changbin. Hyunjin’s perception, Changbin’s own humane side coming out to comfort you, if you could even call it that. Whatever it was, it was something that you could not get out of your mind. On the contrary, you would never let something as miniscule as a mee defense lawyer get in the way of your high quality police work.

***

Patrol was over too soon, greeted by a smile from Felix once more as you saw him getting out of his shop and walking over to you.

“How was patrol?”

He said nothing, directing his hand to his rookie with one of the biggest drug dealers in the area. Your jaw dropped when you saw this large 6’5 300 pound man in cuffs.

“How on earth did you manage that?”

“He was sleeping,” Felix smirked, “had no idea we were coming. God some criminals are so dumb.”

“Nice work boot,” you nodded, helping him carry the man to be processed.

The processing was the easiest part. Finger prints, photos, and paperwork assessing the individual. Making sure they had no weapons on them; catching the cops was the hardest part. Processing and putting them in a holding cell was the most relaxing part of the job. Even the paperwork was more stressful. 

The guy was being put in his cell, but it wasn't a rude surprise when you saw the man who was on your mind all day show up. He was bolting straight for the cops holding the perp, an agenda in his eyes as your irritation rose, knowing exactly what he was going to do.

“Woah Changbin,” you stepped in, standing between the struggling perp and Changbin, “what are you doing?”

“You need to let go of him, he is being unlawfully detained.”

“And how would you know that?”

“Because my client is under the influence, he does not understand his rights and you cannot keep him.”

Your eyebrows furrowed at his statement. He was dead serious, and there was no way you would stop this guy from being detained. He was well known for a while, and you weren’t going to let Changbin’s antics get in the way of this.

“This man is not showing any substances in his system, he needs to be processed.”

“And like I just said, he doesn’t understand his rights so uncuff him and let him go.”

“How would you know that?”

“Because I was across the street after visiting another client and I saw them put him in the car. He barely said yes when asked if he understood.”

“Okay but he said yes so what’s the problem?”

“Do I have to repeat myself? You’re also using unlawful force on my client.”

“Unlawful force?” you scoffed, “the guy is over 300 pounds.”

The responses were back and forth, way too quickly to react and way too difficult for someone to step in and diffuse the situation. Tempers were running high, and the longer the argument went on, the louder your voices became. Any leniency that you felt prior towards the pompous lawyer was diminished in an instant. Another officer stepped in, attempting to continue to put this man in the holding cell.

“It doesn’t matter, you need to let him out or I will report this as unlawful and you will lose your job immediately.”

“Are you serious? I-”

“What is this ruckus?”

The two of your heads snapped simultaneously once you heard the Sargeants voice.

“We are trying to detain a perp but ‘Mr. fancy pants’ here is obstructing us from doing so.”

“With all do respect sir this is an unlawful arrest I-”

Sargent Bang took another step forward, putting a hand in front to stop Changbin from talking. Due to the significant height difference, the lawyer backed down, clearly intimidated by Chan's demeanor.

“Mr. Seo, do I come to your office and tell you how to argue in court?”

“No,” he replied, an obvious defeat in his tone, “I don’t.”

“Then you need to get the hell out of my officer's face and you can make a claim in my office.”

The lawyer nodded, no words needed to be said as he followed the Sergeant upstairs and you lost your view of him. The beads of sweat were scattered across Felix’s forehead, a huge sigh of relief as he swiped a hand across, happy to have got him in the cell.

“Nice arrest,” you smirked.

“Yeah. Thanks for that.” He smiled back. But you knew better. There was a second look in his eyes, one that had an underlying meaning, another implication if you will, “I wouldn’t have been able to complete it if it wasn’t for you practically barking at him.”

You laughed, hard at his statement.

“That’s not true, and I feel like you need to spit out what you’re thinking.”

A sarcastic look of shock appeared on Felix’s face.

“Me?” he questioned, placing a hand on his chest in surprise shock, “when do I have something ever to say?”

��Spit it out.”

“Fine,” he chuckled, “you held your own, don't get me wrong. It’s just, I can’t help but feel like there’s some tension between you.”

“Tension?”

At first you were confused. Obviously there was tension, the two of you were yelling at each other for five minutes. You were pissed. How dare he try to embarass you in front of your fellow officers. Accuse you of malpractice. You would never do the same in front of his colleagues. It wasn't until you realized what the smolder behind his lips really meant, and it shook you to your core.

“Are you fucking serious?”

“What,” Felix shrugged, mumbling under his breath, “it’s not the first time I’ve noticed it.”

You shook your head, the thought sending you into a head spin. He couldn’t be right. You repulsed the man, despised him on every level. 

Why was your head going straight to this morning, and the interaction before that, and the interaction before that. You had to walk away, space out in your office chair and involuntarily re-analyse every single conversation you had with this damn lawyer. God it was frustrating. Why was he playing so much in your mind? A man of such vulgar and despicable actions was clouding your judgment. It was impossible to do paperwork, concentrate on anything anyone had said. The thought of him, his face, hair, blazer jacket, shirt. That fucking white shirt. Your memory automatically scrolls to that one time the top button was undone. The way his jawline clenched when he took serious phone calls in the precinct. The way he was able to swoon other police officers into getting the information he needed. There was no reason for this, but it was becoming significant that all it took for you to spiral about the pompous lawyer was a gentle nudge in the direction from Felix.

“Hey.”

The voice, the last, yet first, person you actually wanted to even fix your eyes on was talking to you right now. This had to be a joke. It almost made you chuckle at the way he was standing over you at your desk; he probably loved it. Doing anything and everything he could to bring the worst out of you. And if he wasn’t going to apologize right now, he was going to do exactly that. His hand crept into your vision, veiny dorsal hands as his frame got closer and closer, hoping that you would acknowledge his presence, and not the other way round. You could see the look of Felix pretending to gasp at the lack of space between your bodies from the corner of your eye, leaving you even more reluctant to one, fuel your best friend and any other officers point, and two, actually converse with him.

“What do you want, Changbin?”

Your tone sounded very unenthusiastic, mouth, or throat, not having the energy to entertain the nonsense that was about to spew out of his mouth.

“I need an answer about testifying, for the other trial.”

“When do you need the answer?”

“Today at the end of shift.”

“Well then you’ll get my answer then.”

He moved away, running a frustrated hand through his hair at your stubbornness and unwillingness to cooperate. 

“Can’t you just give me an answer now?”

“Hmm,” you stood up, clasping your finger upon your chin, looking ‘very’ deep in thought, after the way he just treated you, attempting to embarrass you, it wasn’t really in your mind to treat him with any care, “I just don’t feel like giving you an answer right now.” 

“What the fuck is your problem?”

“My problem?” you raised your voice, smacking your hand down on the desk, causing the surrounding officers and personnel to stare straight on.

“What the fuck is my problem,” you took a step closer, aiming to get into the lawyers face, “You have the problem, not me.”

The bickering was at an all time high today. This was normal. Changbin used to find at least one officer to argue with, but the intensity of your heated discussions with him were always ten fold in comparison. Voices were always raised to a peak, fingers gripped in fists, it was practically a show for the precinct, and the officers looked every time; sometimes they were sad because the only thing missing was their popcorn. 

The tension in this moment was high, but nothing you didn’t experience every single time this douchebag flashed his face in your place of work. Your eyes widened when you saw Sargent Bang standing behind Changbin from a distance, teeth gritted to end the conversation now, or there would be consequences for your actions. You gripped Changbin’s arm, dragging him around the corner, in front of the low-level weaponry kit room. The only people that walked past that part of the precinct in the middle of the day were police chiefs, and their visit was once a month; today was not that day.

“This is unlawful force on a civilian-”

“Shut up,” you interrupted, whispering as you finally let him go once you were out of frame from the others, “I don't want to make more of a scene and you are not going to be the reason I get fired.”

He scoffed at your remark, finding a sarcastic humor in it. He adjusted his suit jacket once more, patting down his suit and making sure he looked perfect as always. A single strand was out of place across his forehead, and you couldn’t lie, it was pretty adorable. Seeing him out of place in the slightest was like goosebumps on your skin. 

“Well it wouldn’t be a problem if you just answered my question.”

The shrug he gave made you want to kick him in the knees. Hands on your hips, you stood there, waiting for him to actually pay attention to what you had to say.

“Look,” he whispered, facial expression of friendlessness back, “I know this must be hard for you.”

He paused, wanting to sense your reaction. Your muscles related to posture softened, eyes avoiding his gaze, yet feeling the need to guard yourself suddenly unnecessary. Conversing with Changbin was like having a concussion, sometimes painful, sometimes blissful, but you couldn’t lie and stay in denial that there was meaning behind this. A gravitational pull that rushed your towards him, and the gentle moments where showed his non-demonic angle was poking out and taunting you made the force greater each time. The sprinkles of generosity he showcased were something that you ate up everytime, and you hated it.

“It’s not that I don’t want to testify, because knowing you, I will be subpoenaed into doing it anyway.”

“No,” he interrupted himself with a laugh, “wait yeah actually I probably would.”

“Yeah that would piss me off, but I understand you would be doing your job. I guess I am somewhat appreciative that you gave me a heads up on it.”

He nodded, taking your mumbled graciousness as a win. 

“What do you need me to do?”

He said nothing at first, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the small card with his business, name, phone number and address to said business on it.

“Are you busy tonight after work?”

You followed through, fingers accidentally brushing fingertips with him when accepting the card. The two of you ignored the pull acting up once more. For some reason it felt better to not point it out. You shook your head in response, a small smile filling his lips as he was happy that he didn’t have to fight to get an answer he wanted.

“Great, swing past when you’re done here and we can move forward in your portion of the case.”

No reply was needed as he walked in a separate direction from yours, brain spinning once more as you sat down at your desk. It didn’t take long for your best friend to creep up on you and your rookie’s shared desk. An unwipeable smirk plastered his face as the two of them planned to gang up on you. Unfortunately for them, their plan was spotted from a mile away.

“I don’t want to hear it,” you smoldered, raising a hand to both of their faces in an attempt to silence them.

“I’m not saying anything,” Felix fanned himself as he spoke, “but the tension is hot hot hot.”

“Yeah I could feel it from-”

“Hyunjin, if you say one more word that contributes to this conversation I will write you up. Don’t forget I do daily evaluations on you.”

Hyunjin shrank back into his seat, a small ‘yes ma'am’ before he was back to focusing on his paperwork.

“He’s so into you it’s crazy.”

A small energy of satisfaction sparked through your body at his words. It had to be a joke. Why was a small part of you excited if that was the case?

“He’s not into me,” you brushed off, a smile threatening to spill across your face, “I have to testify as a character witness in the trial for my T.O”

“He’s representing them?”

“A check is a check, and I hate to admit it, but Changbin is one of the best criminal defense lawyers in this country.”

You got up, checking your watch and realizing that there wasn’t long until you had to head over. Yes it was a bit early, but what was the harm in going home, showering, fixing your hair, putting on some makeup and getting out of uniform?

“Hey,” Felix yelled, grabbing you by the arm to stop you from leaving for the day, “where are you going?”

“I’m going to Changbin’s office to get this over and done with. Don’t say anything, I’m just going to prepare for court and that’s it.”

“Mhm,” he nodded, not knowing it was possible for an action to be so sarcastic, “I’m sure it is.”

A frustrated scoff left your lips as you continued to go to the door. Felix was wrong, and you were determined to prove that his implications were false and just simply not the case at all. But not even you could convince yourself that Felix is wrong. Part of you didnt want him to be wrong, but the other part of you just wanted this to be in your past, and getting over and done with seemed like the first step in doing so.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”

“That isn’t much!”

**

You took a deep breath as your car parked. One more look at your appearance in the rearview mirror and you were good to go. You kept your outfit simple, jeans and a thin white long sleeve shirt with a small black leather jacket to accompany and counter the recent cold weather. Your hair was down, natural. The intention behind it was that it was a change. A calming nature and contrast to what he usually saw when at the precinct. The normal was hair slicked back in a bun as it was protocol to make sure all hair was out of your face, definitely not wanting your hair to obstruct any view while in pursuit.

The door was large, revolving, leaving you almost caught in between. The area was spacious, impressive, and looked like a big firm. You knew the other lawyers there, but not well enough to know by name. None of them were as much of a hassle as Changbin was. The guy at the reception looked concentrated yet approachable, giving you no trouble as his attention turned to you once your approach at the desk was certain.

“Hi, how are you today?”

“I’m great thanks,” you smiled, a sudden streak of nerves enticing your body, “I’m here for an appointment with Mr. Seo.”

It took a few clicks on his computer before he realized who you were.

“Ah, you must be officer Y/l/n. You really do a number on lawyer Seo hey?”

Your eyebrows furrowed in a polite way, “I do?”

“Every time he comes back from the station, and he’s spoken to you, it’s all he talks about.”

“And I’m going to fire you for saying false information like that.”

Your head snapped at his voice, smooth as honey, and fake, when talking to the receptionist. He shrugged, chuckling because he knew that Changbin had been completely caught; but he was too swift, and stubborn, to admit that it was true. His eyes, as per usual, were fixated up and down, moving back and forth as they glued to your figure, an extra second spent too long before he made eye contact with you. Changbin put a hand out, in invitation to lead you down the rather long hallway to his office. The room was nice. Marble desk, swirly chair, off white walls; if you ever had your own office, you would want it to look exactly like this. 

Changbin closed the door behind you, showing you to your chair as he stood behind it, patiently waiting for you to sit down. He lingered behind, thumbs grazing the clothed skin of your shoulder as he looked down over your head while taking your jacket off and pacing it behind your chair, easy access to your chest. You rolled your eyes; perv. His proximity made you nervous, and you didn’t know why, but that familiar gravitational pull was something you very much liked to deny from a cognitive perspective.

“So Ms. y/l/n, y/n, can I call you that?”

“Sure,” you replied sarcastically, looking down at your fingers, fidgeting as you became more restless the longer he took to reply, forcing the two of you to sit in silence. God this was uncomfortable. Why was he dragging this out? Every second was torture for you. This was supposed to be one and done. Go to court and never have to work with this prick or to never see your T.O again. If anything it was making you angry. He knew that this was painful for you, yet he refused to move ahead.

“Can we start?”

“Yes of course,” he nodded, maintaining a serious facial expression as he opened up his notebook on his desk, “do you have any questions before we start?”

“How long is this going to take?”

“As long as necessary.”

He paused, again, seeming to be for dramatic effect, “Is that going to be a problem?”

“No,” you gulped, the sound of his pen clicking immediately making you anxious, “of course not.”

Your replies to the next few questions were short, but not abnormal as they were very closed ended questions. Changbin fixed his posture every few seconds, forearms flexing through his shirt while writing down his notes. It was somewhat frustrating that you had to multitask on so many things at once. His questions, making sure you were giving correct information. The way he rolled his sleeves up to his elbows to free up his caged arms. The veins. His lips. The deep voice coming out. Recalling events. To say you were getting overwhelmed was an understatement. He noticed your change in demeanor as soon as he freed himself, and for once in naivety, the emotion he felt was concern. He put the pen down, noticing that you needed a break from the lack of eye contact you were giving him. Although he hated your guts for most of the time, he didn’t want you to perceive him as a monster. It was sensitive stuff; everyone has a special relationship with a T.O. They show you the rope of everything, and they are there for you after intense crime scenes. The partnership was sensitive, and for it to blow up in your face was a shock to the system. He knew better than to rub salt in the seeping wound.

“We can take a break if you want. Can I get you anything?”

Your head snapped back up, a fake smile plastered on your face in an attempt to be polite and hide the discomfort that was going over the case with a comb, as well as the shock from his failure to make fun of you for once.

“Water and a break would be great.”

Changbin nodded, getting up from his seat and walking over to the water cooler in his office. Neat, but definitely obnoxious and just a ruse to show off how much money he made. And to think you were giving him the benefit of the doubt. Your impatience, and frustration was growing with each moment. Placing the water cup in front of you, he resumed his seat, taking a nice long sip of his cool refreshment.

“Right, where were we?”

His eyebrows furrowed, a sign of concentration as he thought about his next line of questioning.

“How many more things do we need to go over?”

He smirked, “already keen to get out of here?”

“Well,” you scoffed, “it’s kind of something that I want to get over and done with.”

His jaw clenched, “well it’s not that simple.”

“Yeah I know that I-”

“I don’t think you do. See, it’s my duty to give him the best possible case as he is paying me big bucks to get him the best outcome possible.”

“Yeah we know how much you love money,” you mumbled under your breath.

“What was that?”

“No nothing,” you shook your head vigorously, “well no not nothing. I just said we know how much you love money, you can’t help but always flaunt it at the station.”

He chuckled at your sarcastic yet honest response.

“Let’s just continue so we can get this over with.”

A pit of relief panged in your chest at his words, Changbin now finally has the same mentality as you. His phone rang, but he denied, quickly, shocking you in disbelief. He noticed your change in appearance, unsure why you reacted the way you did.

“What’s that look?”

“No nothing, you just, I’ve never seen you decline a phone call before.”

He smirked, nothing else.

“What can I say? You’re a special client.”

“I am?”

He immediately regretted the implications of those words. He really should have thought before he spoke, because the sentiment went straight to your head. Your ears felt hot, and suddenly the gravitational pull was very much noticeable again. You shifted in your seat, leaning forward; why not have some fun with it? Maybe it would ease the uncomfort you were experiencing. The white top you wore was low cut, something that you failed to mention, and remember, but sparked your memory once Changbin’s eyes dropped immediately. All you were doing was leaning forward, grabbing your cup, and sloppily drinking, a few droplets ‘accidentally’ falling onto your shirt. The white material helped you push your rebellion across, which ultimately did the complete opposite for him. He was now the one shifting in his seat, comfort somewhat observable as it was his turn to avoid your gaze.

“Ok so were you part of the drug trafficking ring?”

The smug expression on your face dropped instantly.

“Obviously not.”

“Well how is it obvious?”

“Through the evidence?”

“The evidence,” he paused, smug in his own arrogance, “is not in your favor. You know he has tried to pin a lot of it on you, right?”

His words triggered something in you; something ugly. You got up out of your seat, walking around and standing over him. How dare he say that? Even if he was just saying it to get your reaction, it was, for you, crossing the line.

“That’s why I’m not the one who got arrested. What are you trying to imply?”

He turned in his chair, legs spread open in the biggest manspread known to man as he continued to smirk. Fuck, you should be mad. You should be fuming at his accusations, smugness, cockiness. What was he trying to imply? Changbin tricked you into thinking that you would be a character witness. Silly you for thinking he actually was capable of caring for you, making sure you didn't get thrown under the bus when persecuted.

“Nothing?,” he scoffed, feigning ignorance laced in his tone, “What’s your problem?”

Your laugh was loud, indicating that your frustration had reached its boiling point. That fucking question again.

 “My problem? What is yours? You walk into the precinct, act like you know everything and treat the officers with little to no respect, then you obstruct a detainment? What makes you think you are so entitled that you can just talk to everyone the way you want? And to top it off, you want to switch the charges and pin me, a rookie at the time, for the crimes committed?”

Your breath was raised high, out of breath from the absolute serving Seo Changbin just got from you. A huge weight lifted off of your chest, finally getting what had been lying on your chest for years off of it. He got up and walked around his desk and stood in front of you, very much in your personal space; with an unimpressed look to say the least. How dare you question his practice, his ability to prosecute and defend as a lawyer. It was, in his eyes, this most abhorrent thing a person could do, especially an authority figure of similar position. You were, however, too stubborn to back down, chest puffed and fists pumped up, nails digging into your palms to prevent yourself from doing something you would regret.

“You think you know me so well huh?”

“I think I do.”

“If you did then you would know I’m not trying to get you convicted. I’m doing the opposite?”

Yeah right.

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Of course I don’t want you to be a part of this, I want you to be as far away.”

“Why would you say something like that then? Accusine me? Do you just never think before you speak?”

The pompous lawyer didn’t answer straight away. The continuous cycle of confusion, anger, lust on repeat was sending you into a headspin. You couldn't keep up, but at the time, you were beginning to find the root of the reason you felt that cursed gravitational pull towards the man in front of you. As soon as his voice softened, so did you. Digits by your sides as opposed to dug in your palms, shoulders relaxed. Changbin was also standing very close to you. It was the first time you truly were able to take in his features. Thick, slicked up hair, tiny strands that had obviously been styled in a certain way that trickled over his forehead. The textureless surface area of his skin, the darkness of his eyes, you could have sworn his pupils were dilated, the color becoming darker and darker the longer he looked at you. His lips were in a whole different ball game. Very pink, very big, the hyperfixation was instant. Your eyes flicked between his lips and his own gaze, leaving you completely unsure where to look. 

“I,” he sighed, pausing before making sure what he said came out the right way, “I don’t want you to get hurt. Fuck,” he paused again covering his face with his hands for a brief moment before standing even closer to you, “I want to make sure you’re okay and you don’t get caught in the crossfire.”

The atmosphere of the room had suddenly changed again, and now, you could not keep your eyes off of the pompous lawyer. He was pulling you in this time, hard, but contrary to the other times you experienced a similar sensation, you were finding it really difficult to find a way out.

“So rather than criticizing me, help me. Help me get through this how you would if you were me.”

The telekinesis was impactful, and no scientific theory or rationale could explain what followed, because the next thing you remembered was Changbin’s grip on your hips, pushing you forcefully to sit on the edge of his desk as he leaned forward and crashed his lips against yours. The energy was magnetic, and the normal part of you was saying what is happening right now, you should pull away, and you had the thought to do so.

But it’s merely a thought that flies into your consciousness then back into the unconsciousness. His lips felt too good, hands now gripping your face as his tongue entered your mouth. The kiss was slow, the intention to envelop him, take in as much as possible. His movements were delicate, yet simultaneously precise as his hands traveled to your behind, grabbing as much ass as possible, breaking away before whispering a quick ‘wrap your legs around me’ and lifting you up, pinning you against the back of his office door. It did slip in your mind for a brief moment that you were in a public setting and not the luxury of your home. It was just that however, like the others, a passing thought as his hips pinned you against the wooden frame, fingertips soothingly soaring against the sides of your torso as he lips left your own, littering across your jaw, up to your ear lobe, a thick stripe of the pomppus lawyer’s DNA coating the skin from the base of your neck to the tip of your ear lobe. There was nothing organized about the movements that occurred, partly because the navigation was unclear and he wasn’t a usual partner. But the main rationale was the increasing desperation that filled the tiny, gaping air that was closed each moment your lips moved in unison. As soon as his hands gripped your body, traveling down your sides and back to your ass; god he loved your ass. 

Whether he would admit it or not, his mind went crazy everytime you walked away from him, mad or not. Conversation or no interaction at all. Changbin always wanted to see it, feel it, the texture of how the skin would feel in his hands, clothed or unclothed; he didn’t give a fuck. Changbin was grateful if there was any time in his life that he would get to experience it, and it was blowing his mind that it was happening. But, in the grace of it all, he was too stubborn, as per usual, to show that he wasn’t freaking out that this was actually happening. He wanted to be cool in front of you. He would rather get hit by a bus than admit that the feelings he had for you were something that were there every time he laid his eyes on you.

You could feel the subtle hard on across your groin, a gentle gasp escaping your lips and falling into his mouth as he acknowledged your reaction, gently grinding his hips against you, the friction only making your hornier as he pulled away, your hands leaching onto the buckle of his pants, the desperation clouding your efficacy to take it off in one swift motion. Changbin chuckled as he pulled away, unable to smirk as he was too desperate to worry about the lack of skill. His pants were off, and now it was your turn for a piece of clothing to be removed; and he wasn’t swift either. 

Fuck buttons and belts, buckles, zippers, anything that was put on clothes which, for you to in this moment, seemed to only be put onto clothing to makes things more difficult. Changbin was able to undo the zipper and button on your jeans, helping the thick material pool at your ankles before he dropped to his knees for a brief moment to lift your ankles to help you discard them completely. Both pairs of bottoms were in a pile on the floor mixed together, maybe a metaphor for what was about to happen. Changbin’s jacket was easy to take off, and he cared too little to be meticulous with a basic white dress shirt, biceps bugling barely as he effortlessly ripped his shirt, the noise of the buttons hitting the hard surfaces of the office, leaving him in nothing but his boxers. His chest was heavy, pecs already 4 dimensional on his chest but Changbin needed no time as he was just too fucking hungry for you. Yearning, lusting, you name it. Changbin being out of breath was such a barrier to pick you up again, your back now lying against the contrasting cool surface of the marble desk as he hovered over you, another sensual kiss against your lips as his trails extended. 

“Fuck,” he growled, primal like, “you have too many fucking clothes on.”

An annoyed sigh left your lips, “well that’s not my fault is it.”

He ignored your attitude. Changbin wanted to just rip it off, but he knew better than to let you leave with the clothing you did not come in with. His hands were now swift, wanting to focus on nothing else but your naked body. Changbin bit down on his bottom lip when he noticed your lack of chest undergarment. 

“Did you do that on purpose?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“Jesus,” he paused, an extended trail of kisses descending down your body, past your neck, lingering on your chest, a quick flick of the nipples with his tongue that involuntarily made your back arch as he continued, eyebrows furrowed with concentration as he got to your panties. Your breath hitched a little when he got there, teeth teetering on the edge as he pulled them down, legs straight and the gentle bumpy texture of his teeth dancing across your legs as he finally got off the last obstacle of clothing. Changbin couldn’t help but bring a hand to his length as he gently palmed himself, completely mesmerized and aroused out of control at the current view he was looking at you. The temperature of your face was immediately as his eyes ogled over your very naked body. Fuck. It was so hot to see him like this. Speechless, no comebacks. You could tell that he wasn’t thinking much, which oddly turned you on so much. It was something you truly were not used to. 

“Stand up for me.”

The four words came out of mouth abruptly, switching positions as he sat down, practically drooling as your ass moved with each step, titties bouncing in unison with each movement. All he could think about was how hard they bounced if you were on top of him. How easily he’d be able to move his hands with your ass as you rode him, took him from behind. His mind was racing even more, and now he was back at square one: too overwhelmed and much too aroused to form a comprehensive thought of what to do to you.

“You’re so different.” you whispered, not wanting to catch him off guard.

“I am?”

“Yeah,” you breathed, heavy, hands beginning to roam across your waist, breathing through slightly gritted teeth, “usually you have so much to say.”

His gaze was so lustful, heavy, you couldn’t help but touch yourself. Your fingers attached to your left hand traced along your inner thigh, legs gently shuddering. If you were being honest, it kind of scared you how much something as simple as a stare could do to you. Your index and middle finger traced along your pussy lips, a desperate moan escaping your lips when the tip of your digit accidentally brushed the bareity of your clit. You thought you could handle the game; you usually did. But this was the straw that broke the camel’s back, and there was no going back after this.

Changbin was also desperate, scrolling forward on his chair and reaching for your hips, steadying himself before his palms separated. One had pitching your left nipple and the other sliding on either side of your core, pussy lips trying to escape his digits. It was easy for him, seeing as your core was already a slip n’ slide, fingers practically begging and soaking up any sense of friction they could get.

“Stop teasing,” you gritted, small hitches in your wind at each possible moment of touch.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, adjusting his fingers without warning, tips attaching to the nub like a magnetic force. A much larger, breathier moan falls from the tight crevice that is your lips as Changbin gets closer to your torso, mouth latching onto the previously excluded nipple. The lawyer execution wasn’t perfect, and if this was the third or fourth time the two of you had been intimate, it most likely wouldn’t have felt as good.

At that stage, however, things were different. The tension from the lack of physical intimacy was the sole reason his fingers felt so good. This may, in the present moment be due to the short circuiting of your brain from the man’s fingers and lips, feel like something that just sparked out of the blue. Random. Out of nowhere; but anyone could tell that that was nothing but a crock of shit.

This was a culmination of all the times you disagreed, agreed, yelled, whispered, cared, lusted, hated, liked, loved? Even the way you looked at him when he would walk into that precinct with his very tight suits and heavy briefcases. The times Felix would nudge you to keep it down when the two of you would argue in front of the other officers, even the sergeant. The more you argued, the more care there was, even if it was illustrated as hatred. The opposite of hatred is indifference, not love, and there was nothing indifferent about the situation you found yourself to be in. 

Changbin couldn’t think straight. There were times he thought about it too. Whether it was when he woke up in the morning, preparing a case of a perpetrator that you arrested. He felt like an idiot, because all he wanted to do now was touch you. There was no instruction, no structure to how he was doing it, just rubbing your clit and sucking on your nipples, teething the hardened nubs was the way to go. Changbin thought he would have so much more composure, but the moment your clothes were discarded was the moment he knew he was in trouble, because the images he visualized in his head were not even closer than how sexy he imagined you to be.

“Mhmmm,” you hummed, hips forming a gentle rhythm on his digits, your own hand running up and down his arm soothingly, “feels so good.”

“Yeah you like it?”

“Yes I-oh my god.”

You interrupted your own sentence when you found two of his fingers at your entrance. Slow, calloused textured fingers scratching your walls as he began to pump. He stood up simultaneously, slightly bent over to make sure that his fingers would remain consistent in depth while adjusting to the height difference. His thumb that belonged to the same hand reamiend on then sensitive numb, the three fingers creating a collective come hither motion. You took a few steps back, finding stability in the wooden cabinet behind you as Changbin’s fingers picked up in pace. He was still a cognitive mess, no craft to his skill, but it seemed to be more than fine for you. He analyzed your behavior. Lids fluttering on the brink of shutting, jaw slightly agape with sinful moans and groans disclosed, and your left hand groping your own breast.

On the contrary, you were just as overwhelmed, unable to speak, those unorganized noises the only indication of how his fingers were making you feel. Fuck, you were already so sensitive, and the fact that he was already hitting the fleshy mound inside your pussy with his fingers only aroused you tenfold, knowing that his cock would be just as effortless in doing so. Your eyes wanted to roll, reach the back of your head. You never knew that something so simple as someone’s fingers could make you feel this good. Your hips spasmed, walls already clenching around him as you knew that you were getting close.

“Shit,” Changbin groaned, that god awful yet fucking sexy smirk appearing, “you’re close, aren’t you?”

“No,” you mumbled, not wanting him to give you the satisfaction of knowing he made you feel like pure heaven, “b-barely.”

You could feel his hard on pressed against the top of our leg, itching at your hip bone which gave you the idea to take the heat off of you for a moment. Yes, it was like walking into the gates of hell to give him the gratification that he was bringing you to orgasm, but really, it was because you didn’t want it to stop. If you could have just stopped lying to yourself about how much arguing with this man turned you on, that you could have been in this predicament much earlier. Then again, maybe if it did happen earlier, the arousal of his simple touch wouldn’t impact you as much, and that would be no fun, would it? 

Your hands, for the first time tonight, began to travel, snaking past his arms and right to where he wanted you. Changbin hissed, lips pressed against the side of your face as a deep groan bellowed from his chest.

“Fuck,” he hissed, the gentle grating of your hand against his clothed crotch taking him by surprise. You too, were in surprise at how big he felt. The visual was one thing, but you were always one for tactile senses. Your thumb slipped over the tip, the brief wetness that you assumed to be his precum easily felt. The muscles in your legs were getting tighter and tighter, and it was proving that rubbing Changbin’s cock wasnt enough to distract him from making you cum.

“Fuck I’m really c-close,” you whine, the pompous lawyer covering your mouth to prevent the crescendo of your voice project outside the 4 walls. He withdrew his fingers from your words, your bodies falling slightly limp and weary at the way you already were craving him, orgasm that was on the brim very cruel. Your hips were gripped once more, placing you to sit atop of his desk and he made no hesitation to slip his boxers off and let his cock spring free of what, to him, was torture. A very obvious gas came from your lips, still taken aback of how girthy he was. A nervous gulp followed, unsure if he would be able to fit. He could see the expression of concern. His hands cupped your cheeks, pressing another gentle kiss before they traveled back to his favorite spot, your hips.

“It’s ok,” he whispered, running his thumbs in a forgiving fashion against your hip bones, “just tell me to stop if you want to. I won’t be mad.”

You looked shyly into his eyes, nodding as you grabbed him by the base of his cock. A deep breath hollowed from hips at how your hands felt on him. God he had dreamed of this so many times. He would fixate on them every time he walked into the precinct. How such delicate hands could do such filthy things; it truly turned him on so much. The complexity of your character did too. You weren’t like other people that he had the pleasure of interacting with. No book that you could read by its cover. It was impossible, but maybe that's why he felt so drawn to you. He liked a challenge. He was a lawyer after all, and as much as he fantasized, unconsciously, about how you would look in such sinful positions, he was still able to simultaneously appreciate you and your character from afar, even when his presence wasn’t always appreciated by you in return. 

“Your hands,” he chuckled, almost sounding nervous, “they feel so good.”

It was finally YOUR turn to smirk, getting him where you wanted him. Although you liked to do nothing more than torture him, a guilt would rise in your chest and you know it. By this point, it was obvious that both of you pined for each other, so the games of taunting and teasing, mind fucking were irrelevant, unnecessary. The main thing that you wanted was to get your brains fucked out, and Changbin wanted nothing more than to give that to you. You took your hand away, allowing the man himself to line up with your hole, before gently prodding at the entrance, effortlessly and to your surprise plunging his cock into your pussy. It was a loud noise, the squelch of your highly aroused cunt leaving the pompous lawyer's cock sucked in like a vacuum. Your arms, without thought, wrapped around Changbin’s neck, pulling him closer to truly feel as much of him as you could. 

“Jesus fuck,’ he chuckled, beinging to pull out slowly, “this is the juiciest pussy I’ve ever fucked.”

The sentence made you moan, hips wiggling to keep as much of his length inside of you as he gently moved back and forth. If anyone else spoke like this to you, the next action would most likely be a slap in the face. Compliment or not, it was so hot the way Changbin’s words fell from his lips without thought. Even when the two of you shared heated discussions it was the same. Words, harsh, soft, anything he said was without thought. But this moment was when you liked it best, because as he continued to pull in and out of you, the corrupt compliments just continued to spell out, belongings beginning to fall off his desk with each thrust. It was usually something you hated, but maybe now, you could manipulate it to your own benefit.

“Jesus christ,” he continued to repeat over and over, hands gripping your ass as he used your body to grind into you, “I love how wet your pussy is for me.”

“Me too baby,” you moaned back, unable to help yourself, “I never knew it could get this wet.”

“Only for me,” he growled, partly out of breath, “this pussy belongs to me.”

There was no point in even refuting what he said. If he was going to make it scream like this every time he was near it from now on, he can have it. No one had ever made you feel this good. Electricity was flying the longer his skin made contact with yours. Maybe it was partly hallucinations from your sex brain, but you didn't care, nothing would ever equate to this, and no one could ever have such a pull on you than the man in front of you. Changbin had acquired some confidence, because he began to move with much vigor, cock feeling harder and harder the longer he was inside of you. It didn’t take long for him to find the previous spot that he was able to hit with his fingers, your eyes almost popping out of your head when he did, your own hand coming to your mouth and biting on your fingernails as he did, a poor attempt to suppress the roaring sounds that cut down from your lips, surely enough to alert whoever else was in the building. It took him a matter of milliseconds for him to notice, a hand leaving your body and clasping your wrist, forcing you to straighten your fingers as he pushed them inside your mouth. It was now his turn for his eyes to bulge out of his head, a whole new level of turned on as he watched each knuckle on the two of your fingers disappearing past your lips. He stood still, forgetting about his cock and fixating on nothing but the way your fingers were coated heavily from such a simple action

“Fuck me,” he scoffed, “I didn’t think you could get any sexier.”

Your eyes ogled as you looked up at him, lips forming into a pour around your tips as they withdrew from your mouth. Before you even had the chance, Changbin was already redirecting your fingers to your own core, spreading your pussy lips far as your fingers dragged to them, a teeth gritted sigh coming from the pompous lawyer as he picked up his pace. All he could do was stare, solely focused on how your center got wetter and wetter. The way your pussy hole was now clenching and double the pleasure from tow spots. Fuck, he didn’t care about his own pleasure, because all he could think was how magical your pussy was. 

You were so hot and bothered by the way Changbin’s mouth dropped when he watched you flick your own clit, fingers brushing the base of cock once every few thursts as he continued to fuck you out of your mind relentlessly. 

“Oh god,” you whined, not even caring about how loud the combination of sounds must have been to one walking by, “so fucking good.”

“I fucking bet,” he chuckled, tongue slipping over his tongue lip, “if you’re pussy keeps getting wetter I won’t be able to help myself.”

“Fuck, what do you mean?”

He suddenly picks up his pace to an all time speed, unable to control himself physically and verbally.

“I’ll have no choice,” he grunts, using all of his might to bury his cock inside of you, “I’ll have to cum in you.”

Oh no. This is bad. Changbin doesn’t know this, but he's unlocked one of your deepest rooted desires. You immediately attack his lips as soon as his sentence concludes, not wanting him to say anything else. You knew it was bad, but there is no way you would ever say no to letting him fill you to the brim.

“Do it,” you whispered, forehead meeting as your gaze fixed on him, “cum in me.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes baby, fill me up with your load.”

“Oh fuck,” he wined, his first high pitch of the night, “whatever you want.”

Your hips inched off his desk, giving him easier access to control you, giving yourself up to him in every way possible. Holy fuck were you about to bust yourself at any minute. Seeing the longing want and need to finish in you being an option was driving him wild.

“Oh my god Y/n,” he whispered, “I can’t hold it back any longer.”

“That’s okay baby just do it.”

“Do it?”

“Cum in me,” you whined, “I know you filling me up will make me cum so hard.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah baby do it.”

“I’ll cum in you.”

“Yeah cum in me.”

The back and forth with no room to breath in between was spilling you over the edge, and so was it for Changbin. His face was contorting more and more with each second, knowing he was going to blow his load any minute.

“Fuck I’m gonna cum,” he continued to whine, unable to look anywhere else except your gaze before finally reach his high, pulling himself out completely except for tip, able to watch the way each load blew straight into your pussy. A heavy breath filled your lungs as the warmth of his seed tipped over the edge, hips bucking uncontrollably as it dribbled out, Changbin also spasming before gently pushing himself back in, the two of you using each other to ride out the peak of your orgasms. 

Your chest heaved simultaneously, the sounds of such heavy breaths the only noise filling the room as he pulled out, the motion causing you to whimper and already crave his touch once again. Changbin looked around, finding the box of tissues that fell off of his desk in the midst of things, cleaning the trail of his remains that was currently spilling down your leg. A small giggle erupted from your lips as you watched his aim with such delicacy and poise.

“What?” He smiled.

“Nothing,” you smiled in return, his grin becoming infectious, “I’ve just never seen you move so carefully before.”

“Hey I can be gentle!”

“Can you though?”

You pointed at your hips, already discolored in light shades of purple. He ignored your gesture, rolling his eyes as he grabbed the pile of clothes that was once an obstacle, handing it back with much of a haste. 

“We still have to work on the case, you know.”

“We can’t make another appointment?”

“Well no because I think 85% of the office would have heard that and it would look very suspicious if you just left.”

“I don’t think it matter if they heard, they’re still gonna know we fucked.”

“Jesus christ y/n,” he scoffed, “don’t fucking start with me now.”

“What?”

“You’re driving me crazy.”

“How?”

“The more you argue with me, the more I want to fuck you over and over again.”

[milomarigold]

Baxter Ward Headcanon - Lunch Dates

Gender neutral | SFW Fluff | Baxter Ward x MC

First headcanon, hope ya enjoy!

🍁 Being a wedding planner is no easy feat! From planning bigger details like the wedding theme to smaller details like stainless steel or wooden cutlery. That's where Baxter's diligence, organization, and flexibility (📏) comes in handy!

🍁 However, planning such grand events also means our Victorian emo boy tends to skips out on lunch to get more work done. Especially during bigger assignments!

🍁 Since you know he usually only has a black coffee in the morning, you decide to suggest you both get lunch breaks together! It takes a bit of convincing, he wouldn't want to inconvenience you, but in the end he can't resist a chance to spend more time with his charming MC~

Baxter: "You're worried about me skipping meals? Well, my schedule can get hectic. Are you sure it wouldn't trouble you? I wouldn't want to get in the way of what you have to do… Although I'll admit, a chance to see your charming self sounds lovely. Alright then, having lunch dates sounds excellent~"

🍁 His lunch breaks are an hour long. Before your lunch dates he usually didn't use the full time (only the required 30 min) because…

Baxter: (on the phone) "What do you mean the tablecloths are cotton and not linen?? Linda, stay put, I'm on my way."

However, he does try to remain the whole hour with you when your lunch dates begin. He adjusts letting the wedding couple know he will be gone for an hour, but as soon as the break is over they'll have his undivided attention.

🍁 It takes a bit of getting used to at the beginning. He can't help but check his phone when notifications come in, for example. As long as it's not an emergency, you gently remind him it's his time and to enjoy the snack in front of him.

Baxter: "But darling, you're the whole damn meal~"

🍁 He prefers to eat out rather than stay in the office. To avoid co-workers asking questions that lead to him helping to find that one file, and answer that call, oh and he has to call this one place-

🍁 He quickly comes to look forward to your little lunch dates. Seeing how passionately you talk about your interests and the smile on your face when you eat your favorite snack has him smitten!!

🍁 You guys are gossip buddies. Neither of you share anything hurtful, but you two also can't help talking about the shenanigans that go on at your respective workplaces.

Baxter: "One morning Michael came in complaining about a speed bump on the highway…I ponder who he ran over." (Sips coffee casually)

🍁 Baxter's eyes sparkle if you surprise him with a homemade meal. Especially touched if you remember his preferences; such as something pescatarian or something with peaches. You don't have to worry about your cooking skills, your intention matters more to him! His co-workers will notice he's extra chipper that afternoon.

🍁 In return, he'll also prepare a lunch for both of you the night before. He plans to make something that's only a "tad" extra, but always gets carried away and creates the most Instagram/Pinterest worthy aesthetic lunches you ever did see.

Baxter: "It's just a little something to thank you for the other day." 💜

🍁 You both agree to meet at a chill little park near work when you make lunches for each other. You have a special picnic blanket for the occasion that's so comfy you almost lose track of time.

🍁 On days where you can't meet up, you either face call each other or simply text each other to make sure the other has eaten.

💬 Yes, darling I just finished off lunch. It was great, I would've enjoyed it far more with your company, but alas! How about you, have you eaten yet?

🍁 Sometimes you send donuts, muffins and other treats to Baxter's office where he shares with his co-workers. His co-workers like you very much for this reason, haha! It also gives Baxter the opportunity to make more friends.

🍁 Over lunch, he occasionally brings up some wedding planning hitches. You help him figure out solutions when he's stumped.

Baxter: "Darling you're brilliant! Perhaps you're due for a reward? Are you free tonight? I'd love to show you my gratitude~"

Overall, meeting for lunch gives you both another opportunity to take care of each other. He feels the stress melt away as soon as he sees his favorite person and it makes his lunch that much sweeter.

[enkisstories]

"Would you tell me about Hosnia from your perspective?"

Hux sais it with more words, but that's what it comes down to. And he hadn't been sure up until this very moment whether asking this was really a good idea, but the nod and sigh Rose replys with seem to indicate that he has passed a test he hadn’t been aware of parttaking in.

Rose: "It's not about the lives lost, or anyway not ONLY about them. The feeling of helplessness, of hope dwindling."

Armitage: Yes, that was the intention, what the weapon was for. And it worked, my approach worked, so how do I stop myself from being proud of that?!

Rose: "Also the realisation that we were facing something so unfathomably different from us. That the First Order would stop at nothing to get their will, no matter how atrocious. That our hopes and fears meant nothing to them, that we were not even people to you. Stains on the world order at worst, things to organize and put in line at best."

Lost for words, for the ones his fiance yearns to hear still don't come up, Hux simply listens.

Rose: "You didn't have it easy by a long shot. But then you managed to inflict your pain billionfold on the galaxy. On your victims and on those who had to watch. There wasn't a corner of the world that you didn't broadcast the attack to."

Killing, when it hadn't been that handful of very personally motivated murders, is such an abstract thing. Easy to fade out, easy to justify, easy to file as victories. Killing, for a General, is unreal.

And even if it was real, Hux holds science in high regard and everything the sentients of the galaxy know about death points at your spirit merging back into the Force, where you came from, what your natural state is. As such, the process may be uncomfortable, but the prospect isn’t scary.

Pain, to the contrary, of body or mind, is something to be avoided. Switching his perception from having rid the galaxy of a few pests to having caused pain, something he knows and actively avoids, makes all the difference.

Armitage. "I'm beginning to see. I... erred. Starkiller was just a reaction... to pain... and to the feeling of inadequancy. To things I had believed to have left behind with my childhood. It was a testament to me letting the imperials push me around and shape me into their tool, not to my greatness. As such it was NOT my greatest achievement. That one is still in the future."

The words are sincere, as is the realisation that he had been driven by an invisible whip, when he had been under the impression to be the one holding it. A former source of pride suddenly tastes wrong. But this change of perspective is not the end of the world as Hux had feared. He can go on, even after admitting he had been wrong.

No more “inventor’s pride” over his doomsday weapons (some of which the public has never even learned of). No more inappropriate jokes about the Republic’s end.

It's not much in the grand scheme of things, but it's a start.

Rose: "Still in the future, you say? Oh, I don't know. Trackerless hyperspace tracking seems pretty ingenius to me."

Armitage: I know, right? They worked on that since the Old Republic, but nobody saw how everything fit together!

Armitage: “Want it? I know you worked out a counter, but with my full patent documentation, you could use the method yourself.”

Because why not? Now that the past wasn’t looking as glorious anymore as it had looked half an hour ago, working towards a peaceful future was even more important. As long as the peace lasted, so did the hope for a better future.

---

I couldn't figure out how to make them cuddle on the same bedroll, that's why I had to place the camping cot. Imagine he moved onto Rose's bedroll.

[palant1r]

Hey! Correct me if I'm wrong, but I remember you mentioning a few times that you use Scrivener to write? I have been thinking about switching my writing software in the future (I mean I like Word but I don't like the subscription model at all and would like to avoid it in the future lol). If you want, would you mind telling me a bit about what it's like to actually use? I want to learn a bit more before I would commit to anything ^.^"

Sure! I'm always glad to spread the gospel of scrivener!

So here's what my workspace looks like at the moment (there's a bit of a graphic torture scene on there rn but you don't have to read that):

As you can see, there's a lot of tabs and such. It's not organized like a typical word processor. With stuff like Word, every discrete document needs its own file. You can either put Chapter 2 right after Chapter 1 in the wip.docx, or you can create wipchapter1.docx and wipchapter2.docx. Not so with Scrivener. All of my Death Note fic is in the same project — whether its a oneshot or a longfic, I just have to open up that file to write it. As you can see on the left, I have a bunch of different documents for each chapter of Metempsychosis, along with a few documents for snippets, cuts and notes. You can sort those documents into folders as well. It's SO convenient to be able to tab quickly between chapters and notes without having to scroll or open like 17 different files. But if you do need to open different files...as you can see at the top, I've got a bunch more projects open, each with tons of their own documents. If you open an existing project from the File menu, it'll open in a new tab in the desktop you're using. This makes it insanely easy to navigate between projects and navigate between different documents within projects.

There are tons more features, too. Like, on the right is synopsis and notes — you can add a synopsis to each document and write notes about what you're writing. You can also add comments. You can also set project word count goals, either daily or for the project, and set deadlines. Your progress will then show up in a satisfying yet unobtrusive little colored bar at the top as you write. You can open your documents in a notecard view and rearrange them into color-coded timelines — great for stories with multiple points of view. And I don't even use all the features Scrivener has to offer, there's many more.

There are downsides, however. The way the documents are all in the same file makes exporting a lot more complicated. It's still possible to, say, save a single document as a PDF, but it's not as simple as it is in other word processors. Also, it doesn't divide your text into pages. (At least, not by default — there might be an option to have it do that, I don't know). This can be great for workflow, but it means that you can't do stuff like page numbers or headers. There's also the fact that, simply by virtue of not being Word or Google Docs, it's not going to slot well into any professional, class or collaborative work because you're not using the standard file format. This also means that, if you're submitting your creative writing professionally, working in Scrivener will create some problems you'll have to solve. I don't use Scrivener for any of my journalism or class work, just creative writing.

It's also pretty much impossible to get collaborator comments and feedback without just like, putting your text into another word processor. Scrivener does have a function to sync between devices. I recommend avoiding it. It's janky as hell and for some reason uploading an ace attorney fic to that sync function caused one of the documents to contract all of the between-paragraph spaces upon opening the file. No idea why.

So, in conclusion, Scrivener does not work very well as an all-purpose word processor, but it's not trying to. It's trying to be a good workspace for creative writing, and it does a very good job at that. Also, it's a one-time payment that's sometimes on sale, so that's nice.

[codenameredkrystalmatrix]

Standing Sentinel

Blinding white and brilliant gold cut through the droids, putting an end to the Separatist operations on the planet. Two Zabraks raced up the outpost’s central control tower, setting charges and blowing through the opposition they faced.

The server coordinator, a very-much organic Rodian, shrieked when he saw the pair. Instead of killing him, Savage roared in his face and sent him scrambling.

"You've clearly gone soft, brother."

Savage shook his head. The The pair Force-jumped back to their ship and manned the guns.

“You took your time!” Feral dropped his visor and fired up the engines.

“Hmph. Your trial combat results clearly evidence your superiority. Now, I request your best attempt at Plo Koon’s record.”

"Yes, Commander Maul, sir!"

That statement was met with a groan. Taking off, the trio cleared the atmosphere with ships hot on their heels. A TIE-fighter glided in alongside them and gave cover fire.

“Someone rang?” Anakin’s voice came over the com-channel.

“Not in this star system!” Feral replied, smiling.

“You seem chipper, Skywalker.” Savage pivoted his battlestation hard left and disposed of two cruisers. A gunship entered the fray. Feral’s eyes narrowed, fixated on the viewport. He executed a barrel roll and swooped to avoid the fire.

“Nice! I’ll take it from here.”

Maul noticed how he loosened and beamed at the praise. Anakin’s ship effected an all-angles orbit, forming a defensive perimeter and taking enemy after enemy out of commission. They cleared the formation and made the jump into hyperspace.

At last, Chandrila and the outline of the Jedi outpost came into view. Obi-wan met them upon landing. He bade Maul speak with him privately, and his brothers peeled off to remain outside. Excited shouts filed the air as the younglings who had been outside spied them.

"Master Kenobi."

The man shook his head. Maul would not be himself without some degree of sarcasm. However, Obi-wan detected none of the true bite that would have lurked under it all those cycles ago. "Your margins of error grow slim."

"Simply the price of ascension in any order- much more so this one."

"We can send in support troops at any time. Do not hesitate to ask for what is yours by right."

"My gratitude, Kenobi. But you know the stores are better spent in recovery eff-"

"I was informed of the Garel incident."

Maul was silent. He'd spent almost a week in a bacta tank for the infections sustained. Perhaps an echo of his past life, but he'd never even considered contacting the Temple for backup or a medical supply drop. More than that, he half-expected they wouldn't. It would be an effective method of disposing of a liability. If there was one thing he could respect, it was efficiency. That made their seeming mercy all the more unsettling. Kindnesses extended themselves despite the fearful looks in some of their eyes. Despite the pain in Kenobi's even as he reached a hand to his former enemy. Those reserves of self-control were something of marvel to the Zabrak...

"How, Kenobi?"

The man’s brow arched. "The Council communication channels do have some useful information, if you'd lower yourself so much as to listen in."

Maul shook his head, the ghost of a smirk on his face. He'd let the misinterpretation stand. "I'd consider if they release an advisory on the trimming of unseemly facial hair."

"It has clearly been too long since our last duel!"

On exiting, he could see Feral and Anakin chasing the squealing children, gently Force-throwing them back and forth. Savage, expression devoid of strain, was letting some swing from his arms and sit on his shoulders. The scars of all three peeked through their robes as they flowed with the breeze. May the elders bear those marks, so the young ones did not have to.

Lying on the grass, he cast his eyes to the skyline and let himself slip- not quite meditating, but not quite conscious either. The Force bubbled with energetic pops from the little lives about. There was easy warmth from Savage that slowly bloomed in the fields of the metaphysical. He felt the relieved playfulness of Feral bounding from the remains of a fearful shell. He sensed the tumultuous roar of Anakin's fervour and Kenobi's darting, sagely mischief. And beyond them, his body sensed the dance of dozens, hundreds of the living. His weary spirit soared, reminded of for who-!

Feral flopped onto his stomach, followed by a giggling, squirming pile that knocked the air out of his body. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Savage smirk while taking a seat. Maul tried his best to scowl at the interruption.

The setting sun brought calm and appreciation for what he had now. The winds brought refreshment instead of the stench of corpses. No longer would he drift off plagued with a bloody fantasy he was not sure he'd realize.

Anakin and Obi-wan exchanged looks. He'd finally begun to see that which the Dark Side could never have given. True purpose and contentment had at last reached the brothers three. For they were now Maul, Feral and Savage Opress- Jedi Sentinels in the service of the Order and the galaxy.

[charminggirl512]

hometown story // jax teller x oc

Jax Teller x F!OC (Dolly Dawson)

Warnings: 18+, language, violence, mentions of sexual assault, slight mentions of stalking, mentions of pregnancy/children

Word Count: 3,860

A/N: Long time, no see. Haven't really had the time or motivation to write, but I've been working on this one for some time. Enjoy!!!

"Just one more," He mumbles against my lips, his hands tangled in my hair that I spent an hour doing. 

"Jax, I've gotta get to court," I tell him as I press my lips against his once again. 

"I hate that we can't just do this all day. That we've got other responsibilities," He replies. I finally pull away from him and hand him my helmet. I peck his lips one last time and he groans when I take a step back from him so that he can't pull me back in.

"One day, when we're old and gray, we can spend all day kissing. But, right now, I've gotta go convince a very mean judge that this mom should have full custody of her kids." He smirks when I say old and gray, knowing that despite us only having been together for around five months, we were gonna grow old together. "I'll swing by my office once I finish up, run by your house to pick up that outfit I got for Abel, and meet you at the hospital." 

"I'll see you then, darlin'," He murmurs before using my jacket to pull me back against him for one last kiss. 

"Bye, baby." 

   I successfully convince the judge that the father shouldn't be able to have any type of custody over his three children after he left them alone for three days to go on a drinking binge while the mom was away for work. I was given this case on my first day at the firm I work at and it had been my most challenging one since moving to Charming. I was grateful to be done with it and go see my boys. 

   Abel was born a couple of weeks ago and I've been wrapped around his little finger ever since. I was with Gemma when she discovered Wendy passed out with a needle sticking out of her arm on the kitchen floor of the house that she and Jax used to share. I had spent the first couple of days alone with Gemma and Abel while Jax worked out his anger and decided that he was ready to meet Abel. Even though he wasn't technically mine, I loved Abel like my own and I was excited to raise him with Jax, even if Abel may only ever call me Dolly and not Mommy. 

   Since Jax picked me up from the courthouse yesterday, my car was still in the parking lot so I was able to drive myself to my office to drop off some files. I chat with the receptionist for a minute before opening the door to my beautifully decorated office completely destroyed. The cushions of my couch are sliced open, the pictures of Jax and I smashed on the carpet, and all of my desk drawers are open.

   My heart instantly drops into my stomach. He found me. I don't know how but he found me and he wanted me to know that. I take a second to let my mind spin out of control before I simply just turn around and walk out. I don't think I can handle cleaning that up right now, so the best thing for me to do was avoid doing so. I force myself to make it to my car before I start crying, warm tears sliding down my face as I pound my hands on the steering wheel. 

   I had been able to escape all of the drama and the fear for the past couple of months lost in my whirlwind relationship with Jax. I hadn't thought about why I truly left Georgia because no one had asked me for more information; they all just accepted that I wanted to get out from underneath my parents' thumbs. Nobody wants to think that there's some darker past, they just want to accept what's easy to understand. 

   Once my breathing's under control, I drive to Jax's house. My plan is to go about my day, as usual, talk to Jax at the hospital, and then leave. I can't let the two of them get hurt, or anyone else at the club. My parents were already involved in a complicated way but they were protected by their status. Jax didn't have that same protection here. 

   I run into the house, using the key that he had given me just weeks ago that I was now going to have to give back. I don't pay attention to my surroundings when I walk into the nursery, so it takes me a second to register that it's been destroyed just like my office. I can't hold off the sobs this time. Abel was a baby, just a few weeks old, and he was already being demeaned and disrespected. His room that he hadn't even been able to sleep in yet was destroyed after Gemma had put in all that hard work to make it a home for him. My heart broke for him more than it broke for myself and my decision was further solidified. I manage to find the tiny SAMCRO onesie that I had made by someone at the office in the mess of destroyed furniture and baby toys and run out of the house to drive to the hospital. 

   I walk up to the NICU and see just Gemma in the nursery, Abel wrapped in her arms. I want to hold him one last time before I leave so I walk in. She starts to greet me but stops when she sees my swollen eyes. 

"Sweetheart, what happened," She asks, her voice soft but concerned. 

"Can I just hold Abel," I ask, completely ignoring her question so that I don't start crying again though it doesn't do me much good because the tears start rolling when I look at his tiny face. She stares for a second before handing him to me and I settle into the rocking chair that's next to his incubator. 

"Hi, baby boy. I missed you today. I brought you a present. It's a onesie so that you can match your daddy." His eyes almost seem to light up when I say daddy and a sob breaks in my throat. The door to the NICU opens and I automatically know that it's Jax, but I can't look at him quite yet. 

"Dolly, baby, what's wrong? What happened?" When I don't answer him, he crouches down in front of me, resting one of his hands on my knee just below the hem of my pencil skirt.

"Look, Abel, daddy's here," I tell this innocent baby, ignoring Jax because I just want one last minute with the two of them before I break their hearts. 

"Dolly," Jax says more sternly this time and tilts my chin up so that I have to look into his eyes. "What happened? Did somebody hurt you? You gotta tell me what's wrong so that I can fix it." 

"Oh, Jax, you can't fix this. Nobody can fix this." He looks up at Gemma and she moves to take Abel away from me. I turn away from her. "Just let me hold him for one more second. Please." 

   They both stay silent while I murmur to Abel how much I love him, how much Jax loves him, how he's going to be so smart and kind. I tell him that it's okay to cry sometimes and that he doesn't have to be strong all the time, that it's okay to lean on others. I tell him that he's gonna be so brave because he's already done one of the hardest things we ever have to do in life - survive. I kiss his cheeks, his nose, and finally his forehead before I hand him over to Gemma.

   I let Jax help me stand up and lead me out of the room with a hand on the small of my back. We go out to the deserted waiting room, the sounds of phones ringing and people talking quietly in the background. When we sit down, he pulls me closer and cradles my face in his hands, waiting for me to start talking. 

"I didn't tell you everything about why I moved here. Yes, I was trying to escape my parents but I was also running away from someone else. Before I came here, I was engaged for four years to a man named Chase Wright. He was the Chief of Police in our town and was close friends with my father. My father encouraged me to start dating him during my sophomore year of college despite our fifteen-year age gap. I didn't really love him or even like him all that much, but it was what my father expected me to do, so I did it. He didn't beat me or ever lay a hand on me, but he would neglect me if I made him mad or yell at me if he thought I embarrassed him. Sex was always just about him getting off and he hardly ever gave me any kind of pleasure, telling me that I was selfish if I asked for something more. 

We were about two months away from getting married and I was working from home one day. I couldn't get my laptop to work right, so I was using his desktop in his office even though I wasn't allowed to. I accidentally opened the files on his laptop and found video after video after video of him and other police officers sexually assaulting women they had arrested or that were in the county jail. I have never been so disgusted in my entire life. There had to have been at least two or three hundred videos, Jax. I didn't know what to do, so I loaded them all onto a flash drive and went to the Georgia Bureau of Investigation because it was the only department above him.

He found out and chased me down to my parents' house. He tried to kill me, but my dad was able to scare him off and he went on the run. I couldn't sleep knowing that he could find me again so I packed everything up, found a small town across the country, and moved here, hoping that he wouldn't be able to track me down."

   Jax's hands on my face are practically vibrating with anger. He never interrupted me, but I could tell that there were several times when he wanted to. I knew that he was itching to start making phone calls and start tracking Chase down, but he didn't even know the worst parts yet. 

"When I got back to my office after finishing my case today, it was totally destroyed. I'm guessing he saw the pictures of you and me on my desk and flipped his shit. He was always very possessive of me and would lose it if another man tried to talk to me." I take a deep breath to collect myself and the tears start rolling once again. "He somehow managed to find your house and when I went by to pick up the onesie for Abel, he had trashed the nursery. I'm so sorry, Jax." 

   He stands up and starts pacing around the waiting room. He grabs one of the toys sitting on a table nearby and uses all of his anger to throw it against the wall, leaving a sizeable dent. My guilt makes me so nauseous that I think I'm going to puke but I have to keep talking.

"I'm gonna leave tonight and you'll never have to see me again," I say quietly which stops his pacing.

"What are you talking about?" 

"I'm gonna find somewhere else to go and I'll pack up my things and leave. I already left your house key on the kitchen counter. I'm so sorry that I did this, Jax. I never should have gotten involved with you knowing that he was trying to find me." 

"Dolly, you can't just leave," He tells me, the increased volume telling me that he's close to losing it. 

"I can't stay here and put you at risk! He'll kill me and he'll kill anyone that stands in his way. He has nothing to lose, Jax, nothing. I destroyed his life and now he's going to destroy mine. I won't let you and Abel be collateral," I say back and try to keep my voice even.

"I can protect you! He'll never even get near you, Dolly. You're not leaving."

"You can't protect everyone. You're a father now and Abel needs to be your first priority. He hasn't even been out of this building and someone has already violated him, his safe space. I love you and I love him and that's why I have to walk away."

"Don't say that," He growls at me as he stalks over, pressing our chests together. "Don't you dare say that to me right now." 

"I feel like it's the only way that I'm going to get you to understand why I have to leave." 

"The first time you said that to me was supposed to be when you were happy, not scared. It was supposed to be when we were laughing or you were holding my son or I was making love to you, not when you were telling me that you were leaving me. You don't get to say that to me while you're breaking my heart in two." 

"I needed to say it before I leave," I tell him and bring my hand up to hold his cheek. "You have to let me go."

"No." 

"Baby, please. Go see Abel. Talk to Gemma. Keep going on with your life. It's not going to stop without me."

   Instead of answering me, he kisses me, his tongue tracing his unspoken words onto my own. I savor the feeling of him holding me, lost in my mouth, telling me a million things with just one simple action. I let myself have this last moment as Jax and Dolly before I lose him forever, before I lose a piece of my soul. 

"You are my everything, Dolly Dawson. Come back to me, please just come back to me," He pleads and I nearly break at the sight of tears filling his eyes. I kiss him one last time and then I walk away. I don't look back.

   My house feels empty, emptier than it has ever felt. We didn't spend much time here, but as I look around, all I see is him. I see him in the pictures that he helped me hang up. I see him in the blue paint of my living room where we spent an entire weekend listening to music and painting. I see him in my bedroom, waiting to surprise me after work with a bouquet of flowers. 

   Suddenly, I don't see him anymore. All I can see is Chase standing by my nightstand with a pistol in his hand. I accept then that this is the end; the end of the running, the hiding, the fighting. I look into his eyes so that he can see that there is no fear in mine. I've accepted my death and now he just needs to follow through with it. 

"You've been quite difficult to hunt down, Dolly." His voice is cold, unfeeling. 

"Obviously not if you're here," I reply and the tick of his jaw is something that I'm familiar with. 

"I've had a lot of time to think about what you did these last couple of months." He won't fight with me about my sass, not right now. 

"What I did? What about what you did? You hurt hundreds of innocent women and you would've gotten away with it. I'm sorry that you're actually facing consequences for once in your privileged little life, but I will never apologize for protecting women from a predator like you." 

   That strikes a cord and he slams me against my bedroom wall with his hand wrapped around my throat. He's itching to do more, but he's not quite done with his dramatic villain monologue so he keeps me pressed there, his face just inches from mine. 

"You don't get to fucking talk about privilege. Your daddy is the only reason that you got away with half the shit that you've done. Don't act all high and mighty when you're just as well protected as I am. Well, I don't think your daddy would be too willing to protect you now if he knew that you've become a biker slut." 

"You shut your fucking mouth," I hiss at him. "You don't know shit about me or my life now." 

"I know that you spread your legs for the first man that looked your way the second you got into this town. I know that you feel no shame about being white trash now. I know that you're knocked up with his demon spawn. I could've protected you from all that shit, Dolly, if you had just kept your fucking bitch mouth shut." 

   I have no idea what he is talking about. Jax and I hadn't even entertained the idea of children yet, not with Abel just being born. That's when I realize that he doesn't know that Abel exists. He thinks that the nursery at Jax's is for our unborn child that doesn't exist. I feel relief until I hear the sound of a bike outside the house, and I know that things are about to get much worse.

"Dolly, you're not leaving," Jax yells as he enters the house. At the sound of his voice, Chase spins me so that my back is pressed against his chest and his gun is pointed at my stomach with his arm wrapped across my chest. I close my eyes when Jax's footsteps enter my bedroom.

"Put the gun away," Chase shouts at Jax, pushing the tip of his gun into my stomach. 

"Let her go, man. You don't have to do this." Jax, always trying to help people, even when he knows that they can't be helped. 

"She ruined my life. The only way this ends is with her dead."

"Jax, please just go. Please," I beg. I don't want him to see this and have to live with it for the rest of his life. 

"I'm not leaving without you," He replies, his eyes never leaving Chase's face. 

   Jax raises his gun and points it at Chase. I close my eyes, afraid of what I'm going to see. A shot rings out, quickly followed by another. I feel Jax's arms wrapped around me before I feel the pain of the bullet embedded in my stomach. The thud of Chase's body falling makes me open my eyes and gasp out at the pain. 

"You're okay, baby. You're okay. Breathe, just breathe," Jax instructs, the panic in his voice doing nothing to calm either of us. 

"I don't wanna die," I whimper as he tries to put pressure on my stomach. 

"You're not gonna die, Dolly. I'm not letting you die, okay, darlin'? I've gotta love you a whole lot more before I let you die," He cries, and the tears in his eyes tell me that it's worse than he's trying to let on. "Chibs! Chibs!"

   I'm so thrown off that Jax is calling for the Scotsman right now that I don't notice the sound of the front door slamming open again and Chibs and Tig running in, Opie not far behind. Chibs drops down next to me and starts giving everyone instructions, telling Tig to call an ambulance and Opie to get some towels. 

"What were you going to do, kidnap me if I told you I wasn't staying? I really don't think it would take three of them to take me out," I tell Jax and he seems surprised that I would be joking about something right now.

"Wasn't going to lose you and I'm still not going to," He answers, brushing my hair back and wiping away tears that I didn't feel fall. 

"Is Abel okay? Turns out Chase didn't know about him, but I still wanna make sure he's okay."

"He's just fine, babe. Gemma's with him. Stop worrying about everyone else right now," He orders. Chibs moves Jax's hands away from my stomach and puts even more pressure on the wound than Jax was. I throw my head back at the pain and can't hold in the small scream I let out.

"He thought I was pregnant," I gasp out to distract myself from the pain. "Chase thought the nursery was for our baby, not Abel."

"Abel is our baby. You've been his mom since he was born, Dolly, and you're gonna be his mom for the rest of his life," He tells me sternly. Any other time and I probably would have melted at what he was saying, but I'm distracted by the sounds of sirens. 

   Everything becomes a blur after that. There seem to be a million paramedics in the house and they keep trying to push Jax away from me, which just makes him upset which makes me upset which makes me bleed more. It seems like it's going to be an endless cycle until they finally decide that Jax is not leaving me alone and work around him. He climbs into the back of the ambulance with me, never letting go of my hand. I finally pass out from all of the blood loss, and the darkness is like a warm hug. 

   When I wake up, the lights in the room are dim and it's freezing in the room. Jax is asleep in the chair next to my bed, his hand clasped loosely in my own and the sounds of his light snores echo throughout the room. I gently slide my hand out from his and attempt to stand up to grab his hoodie that's sitting on the chair at the end of my bed, except I almost fall over and loudly grab onto the rolling table by my bed. Jax jerks awake, his arms flailing when he doesn't feel my hand in his own. 

"I'm here. I'm fine, I'm fine. I was just trying to grab that hoodie but didn't realize that my balance isn't super good," I reassure him as I sit back down on the bed, blinking away the little black dots that seem to cover most of my vision. 

"Darlin', you don't need to be moving. You could bust a stitch or fall and hurt yourself. Lay back down and let me get it for you." Despite my distaste for being ordered around, I listen to him and try to hide my sigh of relief. He's gentle as he pulls the hoodie over my head and pulls my hair out from where it gets stuck. I lean into his hand as he slides it onto my cheek, his thumb rubbing little circles. 

"I love you," I whisper, turning to kiss his palm. 

"I love you, too, darlin'. So much," He whispers back. "Thought of losing you almost killed me. You're everything, baby, everything and so much more. Don't try and leave me again." 

"I promise. Never gonna leave you, long as you don't leave me first.

[shrimp-library]

Online and Safe

True Crime genre sometimes deals with the aftermath of what could happen when dealing with stalkers. Often, too often in fact, women are simply not taken seriously when reporting a stalker to the authorities. Sadly, we cannot really count on them to protect us – they are effective at punishing an already done act, not so much at actually preventing it from happening. Restraining orders may help, but can you really count on them to scare away a dedicated stalker?

This article will try to illuminate the dangers of posting innocuous information, how to deal with an active case of cyber-stalking, and what you can do to protect yourself. In the end, it’s the one thing you have control over.

Stuff happens offline, too

Start with going through your already existing social media accounts and scrapping all photos of yourself and other people close to you. Do not worry! Facebook and Instagram both have features where you can download all of your old photos into a folder, so you don’t have to lose them forever – just keep them offline. Remove all tags from other people's photos, too.

It seems like a big hit at first, but does it actually matter if those photos are online? Don't let the good old "if it's not on FB, it didn't happen" get to you.

Best thing would be to completely delete those accounts all together, but if you're not all convinced about this, or you need certain social media accounts for your work or studies, you can always set them to private and be very picky of who you allow to see your information.

If you really want to post photos online for that dopamine rush you get when people "like" or "heart" them, do not post photos of yourself.

Do not post photos of inside your bedroom, do not post photos of inside your house, or your school or workplace. It's like giving a potential stalker a blueprint of places where you frequently go to, where you spend a lot of time, where you sleep and eat and relax (and let your guard down).

The meta of social media

Do not connect your phone number to any social media account. All your other accounts can be easily found once your phone number is revealed to the stalker, as well as your e-mail address. If a malicious third-party has your e-mail address, it's not that hard to get you locked out of your accounts and have your DMs read.

When it comes to social media accounts, avoid using your real name. Be as anonymous as you can be, and if a certain social media platform won’t let you do that, consider not joining it at all. When choosing a new username, make sure it’s not related to anything in your life.

Change your @ or username every now and then to keep them off your track, if the platform allows it. Keep separate and unrelated usernames for different platforms - be a Dandelion_Salad on Twitter, a Miniscule_Inconvenience on Reddit, just a random adjective in front of a random noun formula works great. Make sure there are no recognisable patterns in form of similar profile pictures, banners, bio descriptions, stuff like that. It's okay to keep things empty, too.

You cannot be “TorontoGirlie04”. You cannot be "NebraskanQueen99". You definitely cannot be "LadyThatLivesInThisParticularStreetBecauseItSoundsCool02".

You can, however, be “SnowGlobe23875728” or adopt a beloved character's name (any takers for "DipperGalaxy092930"?). Get creative and play around with the names, make a list of usernames you like, and use those instead.

EXIF is important

In case you didn't know, here's a little lesson on how uploading photos work, and how 4chan tracked down the guy who stood on salad in a Burger King. The key is in the EXIF data.

EXIF is short for Exchangeable Image File, and it basically stores all the information about the photo - exact location and time it was taken, at what aperture and shutter speed, if flash was used, basically everything. Most modern devices store this metadata within photos, and this is very easy to check.

The good news is that a lot of online hosting websites strap the EXIF data off the photos when they're uploaded to save space and bandwidth. The bad news is that not all of them do that, specially imageboards and forums.

But there are ways to circumvent it. The simplest way to scrap the EXIF data is to take a screenshot of the photo, and then uploading the screenshot instead of the original photo. This method should become a habit, as many platforms claim they don't store this information, but if they slip up, it will be an "oopsie" for them, and lots of headache for you.

Here is a link to EXIF Data Viewer to check for yourself. It can also be done within the settings of photos on phones. A good article on how to remove EXIF data on different devices and operating systems.

Please be careful with EXIF, as it can open a can of worms in the wrong hands.

Posting pictures of places you’re visiting should only be done after you’re not at the place anymore. Consistently posting your location in real time is not a very bright idea, specially if it’s from new places that are not familiar to you. Even famous people, who’s boundaries everyone tramples over and follows them around and somehow this is perfectly normalised, get really mad about their real-time location being posted for everyone to see.

"Social" in social media

Awareness of how social engineering works is of utmost importance. All the advice above is rendered useless if one is not careful enough and reveals the information unwittingly.

Making a post into the online nether to complain about the loud 90s music coming from a bar down the street from you seems quite innocent, until a person with bad intentions goes through your account’s history only to find a plethora of unrelated information about you that they can triangulate to find out almost everything about you. It rained heavily last Saturday and you couldn’t go see a really cool art exhibition in your city? You just gave a potential stalker valuable information.

That little voice in your head that makes you hesitate for a second before you blurt out your location should be absolutely listened to, don't drown it in self-gaslighting. We are basically socialised not to listen to our gut instinct, to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, until something bad happens, and then it's our fault for "allowing" it. Listen to your lizard brain, listen to your self-preservation instinct. It is very strong in women. You may be deemed a cold-hearted bitch, but at least you will keep your bodily autonomy.

Peer pressure is often where we falter. Find it in yourself not to fall for it, whether it's making an account on this new cool (and completely unsafe) "alternative" to Twitter, or sending nudes. Opinions of people you will not see after you graduate are temporary. Stalking can last for decades.

It's okay to lie about your gender online. No one really needs to know it, anyway. We're all ephemeral pixels on machines to each other. But posts and comments are online forever, and the more you talk about yourself, the more a stalker can piece together about your life. In that regard, avoid voluntarily giving information to provide context for your comment, ie "As 21f, I think...". It's usually useless info for people participating in the conversation, and it is absolutely invaluable to a stalker. Worse yet, it might even get people to start stalking you.

Do not use TikTok.

You will not "go viral". You will not "become TikTok famous". You will not "get sponsored".

All you do is post videos of yourself. In your room, in your school, in your workplace, in your favourite coffee shop. All the places you frequent, displayed freely for any prying eyes, and that might be taken away from you once the potential stalker decides to start reaching out from the shadows.

But I am a brand

Many ladies utilise social media to promote their creative work, and it's a great way to do so. Before you even start popping up on social media with your beautiful art, consider making a completely separate e-mail address. ProtonMail offers a great service. It takes a couple of minutes to set up, and you don't have to offer the blood of your firstborn to be allowed access. You can also create multiple accounts without any issues.

It doesn't really matter what your field is, whether it's making music, watercolour paintings, photography, or written word, you will want to create a closed circle with that e-mail (that is not connected to your real name). In other words, create your very own social media cosmos, where all the links only lead to the desired platforms of your own choice, and never to your personal pages. Your Carrd/Linktree only aggregate links to platforms where you've used the new e-mail to sign up. Make sure it's impenetrable and untraceable.

Do not use your personal e-mail address as a backup for your business e-mail. This is imperative!

Post only your creative stuff, never reveal any information about your person. Reblog, retweet, and like other people's stuff that you enjoy to fill up your pages, if content is your concern or you're in a creative lull. Do not fill it with pictures of your hand holding a Starbucks cup in front of a recognisable building. Definitely share memes, those are always great.

Turning it around

Now that we've covered most bases, here's a little goodie bag. Something sweet, that will feel oddly familiar to you, as with any woman, because we've been doing this for centuries amongst each other, but for very different reasons.

OSINT.

Open Source Intelligence. A simple name for all the information that is made publicly available, and the very reason why cyber stalking is not taken quite seriously. Actually hacking into accounts is a threshold for many stalkers, and is considered an escalation, because they simply operate on and collect information that their victims share publicly. As stated previously, the victim gives out the information sporadically, and it's seemingly unrelated to themselves, until the stalker goes down the history of the victim's account and puts all the puzzle pieces together.

Simply knowing and collecting information about a person, who decided to share it online for everyone to see, is not a bad thing in itself. It all depends on the intentions behind such collection of information, and what is the purpose of it. Finding out through the interwebs that your long-term boyfriend is married and has kids with another woman because you found their happy family pictures on her Instagram page is basically OSINT. Tracking a person's movements and finding out their place of residence to "keep an eye on them" is basically OSINT.

Since OSINT is simply finding and collecting public data, it is not inherently wrong. It's just data.

Here are some tools that people use. Check yourself. You might be surprised.

GitHub repository called UserRecon, which is a script that scraps the web to figure out where a certain username or e-mail has been used to make an account on various platforms.

OSINT Framework was made to scour the internet, on any platform you can imagine, and find any public information you might need. Open it up and see for yourself just how vast this is, and how easy it is.

My password is...

Surely you've been put into a situation where someone pressured you to share your password with them, whether it's for your e-mail or social media or Snapchat or whatever. Perhaps you've been made to change your password to "Ilovemybf" or something cheesy, without really realising that this gives them access to your accounts.

Here's a list of most commonly used passwords that have been scraped from the internet. All the leaked passwords are in there, and it's fairly easy to automate the process to "guess" your password just using this particular list. The list cannot be named because of doxxing potential, but it currently holds 14 344 391 most common passwords, and it is regularly updated.

These resources can be used to turn things around on to your stalker, if you have an active one right now. You can also check your digital footprint and see how well you've covered your tracks.

Most importantly, do not share your passwords and e-mail with anyone. You might as well kiss goodbye your accounts if you do that. People can be volatile and unpredictable, and no matter how much you trust them in the moment, do not give them the key to turn your whole life upside down if something goes wrong. And something always goes wrong.

Be safe. Be mindful of your privacy. Don't give it for free.

[fluffyblue-multifandommess]

Torrenting 101

I've been meaning to make a post like this for a long while, but the recent removal of many shows from streaming platforms prompted me to finally get it done.

This is a long post, so check out the TL;DR at the end if you don't have the spoons to read the whole thing

What is "torrenting"?

From Wikipedia: "BitTorrent is a communication protocol for peer-to-peer file sharing (P2P), which enables users to distribute data and electronic files over the Internet in a decentralized manner."

In layman's terms: When you're torrenting something, you are connecting to other people who have the file you want, and downloading it from them. This does mean that if few people have the file you want, the download may take a very long time. (I've been stuck at 41% of an anime OST for almost 2 years now) BUT it also means that if many people have the file you want, the download may be completed in just a handful of minutes.

This manner of downloading files also allows you to stop the download at any point and then simply resume it later, whereas downloading through a browser often requires you stay connected the whole time, or else have to start over.

Why torrent instead of streaming?

Permanent availability: once you've torrented a file, it's on your computer. This means you can watch it any time you want without worrying about your internet connection crapping out, or the streaming platform suddenly deciding to pull your favourite show.

Torrenting sites also generally don't ask you to make an account just so you can access files, and they usually don't make you click on a bunch of links that pop out ads - all things I've had to deal with on many streaming sites (much to my annoyance).

Also torrents are free.

How torrent? Much confused

In order to torrent, you'll need a BitTorrent client. Your search engine of choice can give you tons of sites with suggestions, but my personal favourite is Transmission. It works on MacOs and Windows (and Linux distros), and is very simple and easy to use. (You can get it here: https://transmissionbt.com/)

In order to find torrents to download, you simply go to a torrenting website (or you can search "Supernatural season 1 torrent" on your search engine of choice). The ones I use the most are rarbgmirror.org (good for TV shows and films) and nyaa.si (good for anime). But there are tons more.

Safety

Any time you download a file off the internet, there is a risk of downloading malware. Before opening any file you've downloaded, you should make sure it's safe to open. Check whether the file extension matches the expected filetype. For example, a video file should end with .mkv, .mp4, .avi or other file extension used for video files. Music files will usually end with .mp3, .ogg, .aac, or .flac. If you're unsure what filetype a file extension is for, you can look it up here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_file_formats.

On Windows, you need to look out for any file that ends with .exe. .exe are executable file types; in other words, programs/apps. Now to be clear; a file that ends with .exe isn't necessarily malware. Your browser app's file name ends with .exe. Your art program's filename ends with .exe. All .exe files aren't malware. But if you're downloading an episode of a show, and the file name is the.owl.house.s02e20.exe, don't open that bitch.

If you're on MacOs (or a Linux distro), you don't need to worry about .exe, because those files won't be able to run.

Checking file types: By default, file extensions are often hidden in most systems, because most users don't care/need to know them. You can see the full file name in your BitTorrent client, or you can right-click a file in the File Explorer/Finder and click "Properties"/"Get Info".

As a rule, I don't download software, because avoiding malware is much harder with those. So I can't give much advice on how to do so safely, except to use virustotal.com, which checks for malware in the file/link you feed it. It is generally reliable, though it can turn up false negatives (and false positives). I'm not responsible for any malware you get while trying to play Dragon Age for free.

Sidenote: Some torrent file folders will have an .exe with a name like "RARBG_DO_NOT_MIRROR.exe". Those aren't malware, they're not even proper executables. They are just there to prevent mirroring to other sites.

On a different note, please make sure you have an adblocker installed before going on a torrenting site, particularly if you are a minor. Some of them have explicit ads.

Legality

Downloading copyrighted files is completely illegal in most places, while in some places, only sharing files to download (aka 'seeding' if you're using a BitTorrent client) is illegal. Check your local legislation, deactivate seeding in your torrenting client if necessary. Sail the high seas at your own risk.

VPNs: a friend wisely suggested I mention VPNs here. VPNs may protect you from legal consequences of torrenting, but that is only if the VPN company is one that will not give your data to the authorities when asked, so choose your VPN wisely. I don't use one, so once again I cannot give specific advice on this topic, but https://www.privacyguides.org/vpn/ may help you choose a VPN.

TL;DR

Install Transmission via their website.

Find torrents on one of many torrenting sites such as rarbgmirror.org or nyaa.si.

Click on "download torrent" or "magnet" or corresponding icon

Open With Transmission

Do not open any file that ends in .exe.

Run any games/software you've downloaded through virustotal.com before opening/launching them

Et voilà, you can watch Infinity Train as many times as you want.

Final Note

Please remember to support indie artists whenever possible - they have bills to pay, same as you. 💙

[alltimefail-sims]

I’m the simmer which EA account got banned.

Yes the only exception is that it’s because of the cc. Because all my sims have a lot of cc. I’m very sad I spent a lot of time creating them….

So, if I'm understanding correctly, you can still go into your game and play, but you just can't post sims on the gallery? Or are you completely locked out of your EA account and can't even play your game at all?

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I'm happy to help! Usually they send a warning before outright banning, did you receive any warnings to your EA account prior to being banned? You can login into your EA account online and look under "MY BAN HISTORY." This should tell you when you were banned and give you the option to dispute the ban. Here's a Reddit thread I found while looking into your problem that shows some screenshots that illustrate what I'm talking about.

That's why I personally don't upload anything that isn't "Vanilla" to the gallery if I can help it. There have been some issues in the past with inappropriate and outright racist content, and the gallery has undergone major changes in the last couple months in an attempt to avoid this. My guess is that whatever filter/algorithm they're using to find inappropriate content might have a harder time with sims that use a lot of custom content, and it might be more privy to flagging those, unfortunately. It sucks, but it's the sims team lol. They are bad at fixing problems, but very good at making them. The gallery has always had its issues and, especially if you're using cc, it can be very unreliable IMO. That's why if you're creating sims with the intent/hopes to share them, I really recommend making a Simblr and sharing your sims on here by uploading them to a free host like Google Drive, Mediafire, Patreon, OneDrive, etc. Like I said, I'm happy to create a tutorial for that if you're curious! I'm not tech savvy, but I upload sims on here all the time and haven't had any issues with my methods - it's not as complicated as you'd think once you get the hang of it, and you don't run into issues that come from the gallery.

and YES, absolutely just save your unfinished sims to your library. I have 5 copies of "Vatores - In Progress" in my library right now lmao because I know this game is always playing around in the worst way and I don't want to lose my sims or my progress. I only ever save sims and builds that use CC to my personal library, never on the gallery, and then I use Tray Importer to grab their tray files and cc to share them. It's actually easy-peasy!

You are not stupid! I totally get your thought process with the spawning. That is a pain and there's no perfect solution to that other than just deleting the unfinished townie if they happen to generate in your game.

SUPER IMPORTANT QUESTION: you still have your game installed and therefore have access to your Sims 4 folder, right? If so, you can back up your tray and saves that way you don't lose anything.

I'm using a Windows computer, so I'm sorry if you're using a MAC... I don't know much about their Operating System. For me I can do this by simply copying both folders and storing them in a folder on my desktop, but you can even use a separate flash drive if you prefer.

I go to Documents -> Electronic Arts -> The Sims 4. You use mods, so you're probably very familiar with this but here's a screenshot just in case:

The two folders I have highlighted - saves and tray - you should keep backups of before you update your game, put new mods in your game, etc. because if something gets corrupted, you'll always be able to save the important stuff if you have to uninstall your game, move to a new PC, and etc.

That's what my folder looks like on my desktop - the last copy I made of my tray and saves was on October 17th.

That's the inside of the folder.

Important note while we are here: you can also delete anything inside the cachestr folder (but not the folder itself), anything inside the onlinethumbnailcache folder (but not the folder itself), the avatarcache.package file, and the localthumbcache.package file. Especially do this after removing any mods or cc from your game!

If you can still go into your game and access your sims in the gallery at any capacity, you should go ahead and save your favorite sims to your library. You can do this by going into CAS, adding them to a new household, and saving them like I showed you in the last post. Save your game and then, if you haven't backed everything up before, I would recommend doing that.

If you can't access your gallery at all any more, with the exception of your library, but some of the sims/households you liked have spawned in your game, you can also add them to your library by editing their household from the neighborhood bin. Just open them in CAS and save them to your library the same way you would a totally new sim. This way, even if you may not be able to access everything you've uploaded to the gallery, you might still be able to salvage some sims this way.

Also, if you made a family in CAS and then moved them into a house right after, good news - a copy of them is already saved in your library! So there's definitely some hope?

Lastly, I believe this was also you:

I don't know what mod this could be, but I've seen people complaining about this issue in the past. I've never personally ran into this issue, but it's likely a script mod. Hard to say: I don't know what cc and mods you have in your game. You might just need to clean out your mods and CC folder until your find the culprit (50/50 method). If you don't have everything organized into subfolders, this would be the perfect opportunity to do that. I'll do some digging though, I'm sorry I can't be more helpeful with this.

Please don't feel stupid or feel bad for asking for help. I'm happy to help you as much as I can. That's what I'm here for! I had to learn a lot of this on my own, so if I can help someone else, that makes me happy! Hopefully there is something in here that works out for you. I'll be sending good luck your way!! 🖤

[carduelisc]

Making Dinosaur Plushies!

Hi, I am Ria and I revived my tumblr. You might have stumbled over the cute dinosaur plushie picture and want to sew one of your own? You can do that! I‘ll tell you how I did mine :)

I found the sewing pattern for our dinosaurs during one of my late night, sleep avoiding pinterest scrolls. It was kindly provided by VirginieLaTeste under the following link:

Now, some of you may know that I work as a media technician at a university makerspace. This means I usually work with machines like laser cutters, 3D printers and embroidery machines. I wanted to find out if I could make a plushie, using the gadgets that I have and share my experience with my students.

So the first thing I did was open the sewing pattern in a vector program. I used Inkscape for this, as its free and open source. I used the path tool to trace the sewing pattern. I also designed some extra spines for the back. Having the images vectorized is necessary for the next step, putting the fabric into a laser cutter. I discovered that laser cutting minky fabric instead of using scissors gives me the advantage of not having to deal with loose hair everywhere, since I only nick the fabric from the back. Plus, since minky is made from polyester, due to the heat the fabric doesn‘t fray. Since my image is now also in vector format, I can scale and resize the sewing pattern to my needs. So what I naturally had to try next was pursuing how big or small can I actually make my dinosaurs? My only limitation in this case was the size of my laser cutter, which is 430x720mm in dimension, for the smallest dino it would only depend on my sewing skills :D

After I cut the fabric, I used an embroidery machine for the litle dinosaur scales. I designed my embroidery file with a program called hatch embroidery designer. This program is not free, but theoretically you could do such an easy design also with an inkscape plugin called inkstitch. For embroidery I used a sandwich technique - embroidery felt on the back of the fabric and wash away embroidery foil on top of the fabric. this makes for cleaner embroidery since the minky hair is pressed flat under the foil and doesn‘t show in the stitches. For the biggest dinosaur I also tried appliqué technique for the scales and eyes, which makes the dino very soft to the touch.

Sewing the dinosaurs wasn‘t easy. I think felt or other fabrics might be favourable for first time projects because minky fabric is really a nightmare to sew with a sewing machine. I needed lots of pin needles because the fabric kept sliding over itself and didn‘t stay in place and sometimes the machine ate my fabric, which is frustrating. But I gained experience and after some getting used to, my dinosaurs were ready. The smallest dinosaur fits just the palm of my hand, I was sewing him by hand, which took about an evening.

I hope you guys have fun making your own!

[my-year-of-game-boy]

Week 2: Star X

When I set out to expand my Game Boy collection, for both this project and my own collection, I knew I wanted to grab some stuff that's off the beaten trail. Doing some research and adding anything I thought looked interesting. I've mostly stuck to shows and stores for games and avoided the internet. Sort of letting myself "discover" things like I would've in my youth. This one here, Star X, was bought from a vendor at a retro game show. The individual who sold it to me reminisced about how he and his work pals would set this up to be played on the TV at their lunch break. At the time, I wondered why they'd have done that with this game. After playing it, I'm baffled that anyone would have done that with this game.

I hope Dak makes it out okay.

This game looks a lot like Star Fox. I want to say they just filed off the "F" and "O" in the title and called it a day, but, unfortunately, this isn't quite the handheld Star Fox clone one might expect. While the game looks a lot like Star Fox on a GBA, which is, admittedly, quite impressive, it doesn't play nearly as well. The game looks smooth, but even on the easiest difficulty, Star X is painfully brutal. It lacks the level of polish in gameplay and level design that Argonaut put into all-time classic, Star Fox. Nor does this handheld rail shooter have its inspiration's charm.

The generic prerendered characters just aren't as appealing as Star Fox's anthropomorphic cast

I know it's not quite fair to talk about a game solely on its merits compared to another one, so I'll leave the comparisons at that. And there are some merits to this game to go with it. Graphic State was able to do some impressive things with the Game Boy Advance here and I wonder what they could've accomplished with a larger team, more funding, and simply more time in the life-cycle of the console. The looks terrific and handles surprisingly smooth with a pretty stable framerate throughout. While the ships are a bit generic, there are a few neat looking bosses here and there and the setting is changed up constantly. The game's biggest problems come from poor hit detection, difficult aiming, and just a bullet hell level onslaught of obstacles at times in a game that doesn't really feel designed for them. I'll readily admit after barely scraping by the earliest levels on Easy, I started scouring the internet for some cheat codes so I could see the rest of the game. I would almost forgive some of these issues due to having to maneuverer in a 3D space solely with a D-Pad, but there were ways around this that could've created a more enjoyable experience. There is a targeting system, but fumbling with the controls to target what you want in the heat of battle is less than ideal.

It's like Arrakis, but with giant scorpions instead of worms

When it comes to fumbling in the heat of battle, though, nothing compares to the frustration of some of the boss's less than clear hit boxes. Sure, Scorponok, Sr. up there has red flashing bits that are clear where to hit. Other bosses just have turrets and adds that will clearly take damage, but not necessarily to the boss itself. It can feel futile and aimless fighting some of these bosses, as you wonder why your shots at seemingly every conceivable angle aren't making a dent.

Would you believe these folks also made a DOOM clone?

It's very existence is a neat bit of symmetry when you consider that Argonaut got their big break by doing something similar with X on the original Game Boy. It's more than just a tech demo, as there's more game here than I thought there'd be, with 18 of them to shoot your way through. If the game was just a little less frustrating, I'd recommend it just as a neat curiosity of what someone pulled off on the GBA. As is, I'm simply baffled why someone would play this on a TV. We have Star Fox at home.

Proof I made it through the game so you don't have to.

[despair-to-future-arcs]

Exploring the factory

*As the group wander inside, Komaru kept shooting at Monokumas which Gundham shut down conveyer belts*

I'm rather surprise how easy this, is - I thought things would be harder here...

No kidding, I mean shooting at the Monokumas almost seems cake walk but never be too careful.

And why would you want it harder? As say, all I did as an Ultimate Despair was simply make produce, drug the food, give it to drivers to ship them out and that was it.

I see, so pretty much you just gave up being this dark lord and all that?

I suppose that does make sense, it's still weird but at least all we gotta do is shut it down.

Well yes we still have to go to Gundham's office.

Of course but I want to ask, the guy holding the camera - are you going to record everything?

CAMERA MAN: Oh, are you... talking about me? Yeah I am, I'm mostly just filming all of this and make sure I get everything unless miss. Esumi ask me to stop then I will.

I see... then may I question that you all don't film my office, sorry there are things in there I don't want anyone to see.

CAMERA MAN: Yeah, got it - I'll leave it be...

Alright but can I ask a question, are you all aware of who we are?

CAMERA MAN: Oh, about you guys being Ultimate Despairs? Yeah we know, our news studio is connected to Future Foundation so we know as well but don't worry, will be sure to edit you guys out.

I see, so Masa's whole studio knows as well?

Well yeah, you have to remember my studio is connected to Future Foundation meaning they saw the killing game as well and are in the know and if we catch anything that shows you all; will be sure to edit it out.

I see, well thank you for explaining...

I believe that should be the last of them, we should head over to my office now...

Right, we better make sure to grab any files that we can, I believe the other 2 foundations should be done by now.

Now that it seems we shut everything here, let's head to your office; if you don't mind...

Very well, but be warn... there are things in there that I have some value so I recommend you all to not come in until I take care of it.

Gundham, I know you wanted to take care of this but I feel we should still get the key card and get the documents.

I know but I do need to make sure that thing is remove before we destroy it, it's...honestly the only thing that I want to bring back to Jabberwock Island.

Very well...

Well hey, if there is something that you hold value; will wait for you to deal with it if you want.

Kyeheh... I am quite surprise your able to sympathize with us despite what we did, Farmer. I am curious why you don't seem to despise me.

Ah well, I'm... not exactly good with conflict or fighting much; I don't like it when people fight so I tend to avoid it and I know that most of Future Foundation fought you guys but I don't like it and i stay away from it.

I mean, I thought all you Ultimate Despair guys were like... these really violent fellas, like a rotten cabbage so I try to avoid you all.

But it seems like you weren't that bad of a person; I mean the way you trained your animals and even took care of them seems to show me you are very talented!

Yo-You think so, then I...!

Thank you, taking care of creatures and animals was something I like doing and I felt like I can trust them more then people... especially after the angel died...

The angel...?

My mother, she was the only one that took care of me, I was born out of wedlock and neither side of my family really approve of my existence so I accepted that I be disliked by everyone if they knew so I accepted it and it's why I felt more connected to animals.

My mother, she... she pass away years before I enroll into Hope's Peak Academy, I've long accepted her passing and it's probably why I feel that I was never a true Ultimate Despair...

Ah... so that's what happen, sorry to hear that; I heard kids from that situation don't get treated well, but again my folks had some problems of their own too so I can understand a bit...

[unifymedicraft]

Streamline Your Practice Using Chiropractic Medical Billing Software

Medical billing is a time consuming and hectic process which involves precision, extensive knowledge, and immense focus. Chiropractic billing is no different than any other billing process; it might be more difficult but not easy.

Managing the process while taking care of the patients will make you feel overburdened.

Scheduling appointments for patients, speaking to patients, keeping up with all patient records, bills, and claims, the workload is simply limitless.

To simplify the chiropractic billing process, one must use chiropractic billing software that can be integrated easily into the process. In this blog we will take a stroll through the complex lanes of Chiropractic medical billing services and understand its complexity.

What is Chiropractic Medical Billing Software?

Chiropractic medical billing software is an automated solution that has the power to streamline and simplify your billing process so that you can worry less about it and focus more on patient care. With streamlined workflows and functionalities, it sends claims to insurance companies quickly and accurately.

The software works as the backbone of your clinical process, making billing easier. It helps you significantly reduce the errors decreasing denial rates and increasing the revenue. This ensures a healthy revenue cycle, which is essential for the growth of your healthcare organization.

Major Challenges in Chiropractic Billing

Typographical Mistakes

Humans tend to make errors if they are overburdened. Misspelled names, wrong addresses, and other such mistakes can be overcome by using efficient software. If these errors are not being taken care of it may result in claims being denied or delayed.

Therefore, avoiding such mistakes and typo errors is essential for a healthy and maintained revenue cycle.

Verify patient contact details, social security number, and insurance policy number with reliable chiropractic billing software to avoid mistakes.

Coding Errors

Coding errors are very common in healthcare scenarios. That is why it is important to ensure precision while filing claims.

The diagnostic and treatment codes must be accurate according to the regulations. Filing an inaccurate billing code for a treatment or procedure can lead to claim denial.

Additionally, new codes are usually added to the billing process, making it challenging for chiropractic practices to stay compliant with new regulations.

Taking Chiropractic billing services ensures that your coding information is up to date while collecting the patient data. Ensuring accuracy is mandatory before sending it to the insurance company.

Untrained Billing Staff

It is common to find inexperienced staff handling complicated billing processes in chiropractic practices.

Insurance companies do not give accurate and precise information about the billing process, which makes it the responsibility of healthcare providers to deal with the complexities.

Chiropractors must implement the proper training programs for their staff to ensure they know the billing process. Using chiropractic medical billing software simplifies the entire billing process and prevents billing mistakes.

Insurance Coverage Limits

The responsibility to verify the eligibility and benefits of every patient is handled by the practitioner themselves. They will inform the patient about the treatments and procedures covered and uncovered by their insurance.

This information helps the patients to make decisions if they want to continue the procedure or not. It also allows the patient to understand the out-of-pocket expenses they need to take care of.

It allows Chiropractors to give treatments according to patient eligibility and their will.

Authorization or Referral

A lot of Chiropractic services need authorization from the insurer. If the treatment is conducted without proper authorization from the insurer, it may result in claim rejection.

Chiropractors must know which procedure is covered under the insurance and must take proper authorization before providing patient care.

They also need to provide predeterminations for sophisticated and expensive treatments from providers whose services require pre-authorization.

On-time Claim Submission

Insurance companies have specific deadlines for filing patient claims. Failure to comply with these regulations will definitely result in rejection of claims submitted.

Some insurance policies allow you to file claims within a year from the appointment date while others demand it to be submitted within 90-180 days.

Regardless of the time provided, the best practice is to file the claim as soon as possible. It increases the chances of reimbursement to a great extent.

So, chiropractors need to submit insurance claims as soon as the treatment is complete.

Benefits Offered by Chiropractic Medical Billing Services

Are you confused if you actually need a Chiropractic billing service? Let's get through some benefits which come along with chiropractic billing services.

Improved Billing Compliance

Compliance is a set of rules and regulations set by the government to prevent any sort of fraud in the healthcare industry.

As a chiropractor, you must be well aware of this compliance as simple as billing or coding mistakes might result in penalties under the False Claims Act.

A Chiropractic medical billing software is always updated according to the latest amendments in regulations. The software can detect non-compliant activities and prevent them from affecting your insurance filings.

Faster Reimbursements

A lot of chiropractors focus on precision while billing and expect the payers to reimburse them quickly. However, the truth is that even after filing the claim, one must take regular follow ups to ensure that it is in the process of reimbursement. They will also have to rectify the errors which can lead to denial and resubmit the claim in the provided time frame.

A Chiropractic medical billing service can help you smoothen the reimbursement process by managing your claims and fixing the errors as soon as possible. This decreases the workload of your in-house staff and saves you a lot of time. This will give you more time to invest in better patient care.

Partner with Reliable Chiropractic Medical Billing Services

Chiropractic medical billing software maximizes reimbursement while minimizing errors and compliance risks. These ensure smooth revenue cycles for chiropractic practices.

Say goodbye to administrative hassles and simplify your insurance billing with chiropractic medical billing software from Unify Medictraft. Our billing software evaluates chiropractic documentation and streamlines the billing process to minimize compliance risks and timely reimbursements.