#and you can feel less alone

[isfjmel-phleg]

🤯

[willgrahamscock]

No one prepares you for how crippling grief is, last year my mom died of cancer. I watched her decline so rapidly that my brain couldn't understand who I was looking at by the time she passed. I couldn't understand who I was by the time she passed because I had to become a vessel who makes appointments, dresses, nurses, cooks and an entity who does not sleep. I did it all alone. The reality is that cancer eats away at everything, it lives on even after the patient dies. It ate away at every part of me, I couldn't get out of bed, I had sleep paralysis, I couldn't stop seeing her... like that. They asked me if she's my grandmother when they carried her out of the house. She was in her early 50s. Do you understand? In 3 months, she began to look like she was 80. Everyone wanted me to move on after a month, no one called anymore, not even a text. I thought I was alone when she was alive, but this was a new type of isolation. One that I barely survived. (thank you to my mutuals and tumblr for being an outlet)

It's been a year and 6 months, today I realized she's not the first thing I think of in the morning, or the last thing I think of before I fall asleep. I couldn't even call to do paperwork before, now I'm forgetting why it was even that difficult.

The sun's out, I think i'm going to get ice cream without feeling guilty that it's not something she can do anymore.

[stil-lindigo]

link

quick reminder that besides calling for a ceasefire from your political representatives, you can also tangibly help Palestinians get back online by buying them e-sims!!!

Here’s a full step process on how:

Go to Nomad (http://getnomad.app), click on the menu in the top right-hand side, and click on Shop Plans then Data.

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2. After clicking on Data, scroll aaallll the way down. The Middle East plan is at the very bottom of the list of data plans.

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3. After choosing the Middle East plan, choose how much you want to pay, then enter your card details etc and acknowledge everything.

You can get a $3 discount on this, by using the code "BACKPACKNOMAD" on Nomad.

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4.Ignore the next part. You don't want to install anything. You're waiting for an email with a QR code for activation.

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5) Screenshot the QR code and send it to someone in Gaza! How do you do that? You can now email your e-sim QR code screenshots to gazaesims@gmail.com who will then distribute them to Palestinians.

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Stay safe, stay vigilant and continue to believe in the possibility of Palestinian freedom!

[andorerso]

rebelcaptain + the hunger games au

When Jyn Erso was eight years old, her mother died and her father left to become a gamemaker for the Hunger Games. Adopted by Saw Gerrera, her mother's friend, she became Jyn Gerrera and was forbidden from ever revealing her true identity to anyone. Ten years later, it's Jyn's last reaping. Saw, the forgotten victor of the 32nd Hunger Games, had rejected every reward the Empire offered him, preferring to live as a recluse at the edge of the forest in District 12, as opposed to the luxury in the Victors' Village. It's been decades since anyone in the district even recalled that Saw was once a victor himself, but he had made sure to teach Jyn all he knew of self-defense and combat training. It's the only thing she has of him left since his passing two years ago. Now, Jyn just wants to get through her last reaping and survive. But when she hears the name of the young girl she trades with sometimes, Jyn doesn't hesitate to volunteer in her place. She has nothing to lose, except her life, and every reason to believe that with Saw's training, she has a chance at winning the games. A chance that 12-year-old Kerri Andor wouldn't have. Things get a little more complicated when Kerri's brother is picked as the other tribute. Jyn is good at surviving, but Cassian, with his quiet cunning and surprising talent with a bow and arrow, could be a threat. Not to mention that Jyn knows he's the sole provider for his young sister and aging mother; a family who needs him. Who may die without him. Nobody is waiting for Jyn back home. When their mentor's plan to make them seem like star-crossed lovers triples the attention and sponsors they receive, Jyn is forced to play along with the scheme and pretend she has feelings for Cassian. Worst of all? She's not sure where pretending ends and where genuine feelings begin. The gamemakers say they can both go home if they're the last two tributes standing, but Jyn knows better than to believe the pretty promises of the Empire. Soon, she'll have to make a choice. Will she do anything to survive? Or will she let Cassian Andor go home to his family - even at the cost of her own life?

[glitterghost]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like there is a particular kind of sadness (or loneliness, if you will) that ace/aro folk feel.

[usertoxicyaoi]

"Sorry. I'm really sorry. I won't make you angry anymore! And I'll keep my distance from ..."

THE ON1Y ONE (2024). EPISODE TWO.

[ofmd-ann]

Happy New Year to my followers, mutuals and all the incredible people in this fandom ☠️ 🏳️‍🌈 💜

Lots of love x

[everfaire]

[piko-power]

My Personal Headcanon On Why Amy's Love For Sonic Died Down Lately (and their dynamic)

When they were younger, Amy's love for Sonic was pretty extreme, and Sonic was, understandable, uncomfortable for the most part. He knows she means well, but that girl needs to calm down.

She can fight, but sometimes her hammer could only stun her enemies for a while. (It took her a long time to get rid of that robot that has been chasing her around Station Square.) She wasn't fully independent yet, even if she fought on her own a couple of times.

She often follows Sonic and his friends around. She is part of the team, but she was not a strong as she is now at the time yet.

She admires Sonic. A LOT. And Sonic knows that. Obviously, he could only run away from something like that, since he is NOT ready for that kind of thing, and whether Amy takes the hint or stop, she still loves him.

...BUT, I think things were slightly starting to change between her and Sonic after Lost World.

Remember this line?

You remember that? Okay, okay. Here's another totally unrelated question:

Before the events of Lost World, when was the last time Amy said "I love you" to Sonic out loud?

...YEP. 😈 (Unless I'm missing something, let me know lmao)

As more games and adventures come out, the characters get slightly older, and Amy is 12 to 13 now, and she is most certainly at that age where her body starts to change, but especially on how she views Sonic.

She knows she loves Sonic, but it was this moment during her change where she actually wanted to admit that she loves him.

I believe that Amy was all about sharing her affection to him not through confessions, but through obvious hints. Sonic totally got it, and there was no need to confess. Sonic knows she loves her.

...But she never said it. And she almost did, but she never did again for a while.

I think this was the moment in her life where, oh, God, she actually loves Sonic. SHE LOVES HIM, WHAT.

And she was looking back at all the times she had with Sonic that she can now see were unpleasant to Sonic (At least that's what she thinks) and that's probably why she isn't so expressive about her love to him than how she used to back then.

She wasn't sure what to do with this realization, and sets aside it for a while, and nearly stayed as her casual, peppy self... until the Eggman War happened.

During the 6 months of being with the Resistance, fighting Eggman's army all day and all night, all she can think of was Sonic.

She dreams that he still with not just her, but with her friends. She just wanted to see Sonic again, she just wants to be with her hero again.

But I'd like to think that she was also thinking about how she used to treat Sonic back when they were younger, how Sonic would almost always run away from her whenever she asks him out, or always look so uncomfortable whenever she gets so close to him.

Cringing at those memories big time, she wanted to change and hopefully when Sonic is okay and comes back, she can be better for him.

...Or will he still find her uncomfortable regardless? Would he even be happy to see her at all if he did survive?

But, hold on! She can't just give up her love for Sonic! He made her who she is today! A peppy, nature-loving, hammer-swinging, confident, brave... loud-mouth... annoying... Sonic obsessed... weak... pathetic... lonely little girl.

If she gives up on Sonic, it'll be like she gave up on the one hedgehog who saved her life. If she didn't she'll still be the same ol' Amy.

I also like to think she had parents a long while before she met Sonic, and was even expecting a little sister, but a robot invasion happened from where she was and attacked her parents and instead of trying to save them, after getting hurt, she ran away, hoping that they'll come back okay. But they never did.

She was all alone, and needed someone, a friend, a new family, someone who will hold her hand, anyone, to be there for her. But she was ignored by lots, and at that point, she's better off by herself, but still longed for company.

Eventually though, her tarot cards told her her future hero, and there might be hope after all. She encountered Sonic, held onto the belief of the cards tight, and the rest is history.

So, with that headcanon in mind, not only did Amy loose her parents that she didn't save because of her cowardliness (she was only so little at the time that happened) and also Sonic, who she thought will be her only hope, but now gone.

She doesn't even care if he did come back, he'd probably hate her now after everything she did to him, always talking about their "future wedding" or forcing him to go to Twinkle Park.

For the last few months of the war, it was nothing but Amy mentally beating herself up for either refusing to change or moving on, and they are both not fine choices.

She loves Sonic, but he does not love her, and she finally, finally realized it. And it's probably for the best if no body loved her at all.

But of course Sonic did survive and all of her worries wash away in an instant, she's just not expressive about her love for Sonic AT ALL now, since she's still worried about it but rather not mention it to Sonic because it doesn't matter.

If Sonic doesn't love her, then her feelings don't matter to him, and according to Amy herself, that is okay.

But also, I'd like to think that Sonic was thinking about his friends a lot up in the Death Egg for the past months, sometimes it's Tails (worried for his safety), sometimes it's Shadow (because he's wondering why he would join Eggman.) At some point, for a few days, Amy was in his mind the longest, and he felt bad about how he thought he was rude and pushy to her.

He wondered if she's not thinking about it too much, and if she is, will she give up on him? Yeah, he doesn't feel the same and still not looking for a relationship, but it's so strange but interesting how anyone could ever like someone like Sonic the Hedgehog. Amy was never afraid to show that, and she probably might be now.

He couldn't help but feel guilty. They were kids when she was like this, but he was so... arrogant at the time too. Not a lot happened at the time yet. He'd always have trouble expressing how much he value his friends, until he shattered the Paradox Prism. (I'd like to think Prime took place before Forces. It makes sense.)

She is such a sweet girl, and he probably made her believe that he didn't care for her. Just because he doesn't feel the same, that doesn't mean he hates her at all.

He wished he never ran away from Amy... Worrying for his little bro and wishing to be a good person for Amy was when Sonic cried in the Death Egg for the first and only time.

Frontiers, in my opinion, is kind of confirming their dynamic now. Sonic is a lot more sincere and kinder to Amy and she is not all hyperactive and lovey to Sonic. There is probably a real reason for this now.

They are both hiding their feelings from them, and they are both unaware of this. Amy, hiding her mental issues from Sonic, and Sonic, hiding his guilt away from Amy.

None of those things are important now. Sonic is with Amy and Amy is with Sonic. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.

They don't care if they'll ever be something more when they get older. None of that matters anymore. They are here with each other. They can be finally be better for each other now.

Maybe someday they'll both talk about it, but for now, the present is important. They care about each other too much to think about it right now.

It's the kind of love that is unbreakable. It doesn't even have to be romantic. It's just love. Love is important for everyone, in any form. It's something Sonic and his friends need. And especially Sonic and Amy.

Amy Rose is the living embodiment of love, and without her, a lot would go downhill for Sonic and co. Heck, if it weren't for her, Shadow wouldn't have never remembered Maria's promise, which lead him to save the world with Sonic, before he temporarily disappeared from their lives for a while.

She is always there to lend a helping hand for anybody, even bad guys like Metal Sonic, and despite what she had been through, both in Forces and headcanon wise, she still fights back, even without her hammer.

She will pick you back up on your feet, reminding you that you are important and that you are loved, and that you should never give up. It's pretty much the words of encouragement she herself needed also...

She is still the happy, hyper, butt-kicking hedgehog we all know and love, but she still need someone to pick her back up on her feet after so long. Thankfully, she has her friends and her blue hero. The hero who made her who she is today.

I think Amy has no idea how important she thought she is, but Sonic does. Sonic knows fully well how important she is to a lot of people. It's about time he returns the favor to her. It's his turn to remind her how much a lot of people love her.

How much he loves her.

And I feel like The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog was the moment where their dynamic really shined, but also the starting point of their relationship not only healing, but also the next chapter of what's to come for them.

Everyone, friends old and new, gathered around for a special birthday. A birthday for the confident, unshakable, and radiant Amy Rose.

It was such a special moment in Amy's life. After years of chasing and following the people she look up to, she is part of the team, but most importantly, she is part of the family.

She is fully realized as someone more than just a fangirl, but someone strong, courageous, creative, kind and a big inspiration for others.

I feel like this moment here...

-is where Amy is eternally grateful to call her friends her family. A family she thought she'll never have again. She's not alone anymore, and as long as they're by her side, she'll never will be again.

Her chasing days are over. She's finally caught up to them. She's finally home.

And it's all thanks to Sonic.

If it weren't for him, she'd probably be alone forever. Her past moments with Sonic might be embarrassing to look back on for a while, but they are good memories regardless, because they involve him.

Sonic saved her life in more ways than one, and despite everything, he's grateful to have her too.

He cares about her. He really does... And in her eyes, that all she needed to know. As long as Sonic loves her in his own way, she'll be happy.

Amy hasn't given up on Sonic. As long as Amy always supports him, he'll be happy.

Maybe sometime in the future, they can talk about their problems, but that's a story for another time. At this point, they need to. Right now, they are happy. They are okay.

They are here for each other. They are finally better for each other now.

"You guys won't ever leave me, right?"

"Wouldn't dream of it."

[blitzwhore]

It's always fun experiencing severe mental illness symptoms because of fiction, eh?

[rexonalapis]

People relegating Sige to being 'Wrio and Neuvi's daughter' miss out on the awkwardness and comedy of Wrio trying to get close to what is technically his Matron's kind of an uncle/old friend of family. Who is also old.

fellas is it gay to rizz your mother figure's mother figure? asking for a friend.

[knife-dad]

When a story starts with the worst thing that could possibly happen so that the rest of it can be dedicated to the messy uphill battle to recovery? That's the good shit. 10/10 beautiful incredible spectacular I love to see it every time

[mejomonster]

I am begging you, if your partner insults you, curses at you, screams at you, starts many conversations by accusing you of something (and if you two talk about this situation - you continue having arguments instead of just solving problems together), you feel in danger when near your partner, you feel safer when away from your partner, or your partner hits you, please please consider leaving them.

Just consider leaving the space they're in, and going to a friend's house or a family member's and staying for a day. Do you feel safer? Calmer?

You do not have to be friends with a person who disrespects or harasses you. You do not have to be friends with someone who hits you, who tells you you're stupid/ugly/annoying whatever, who screams at you when you spill food or forget to do the dishes instead of just asking "hey could you please clean this?", who doesn't accept a "no" from you such as "No I do not want to be touched right now." Please tell me you'd be kind enough to yourself to stop seeing a friend who hit you or told you you're worthless or screamed at you for not reading their mind (no one can read minds).

So if a partner does those things, you're allowed to stop seeing them too. You are allowed to love someone, to care about their wellbeing and want good things for them, and also REMOVE YOURSELF from their space and life. You're allowed to think "wow I love this guy, I am sad he's depressed, I hope he feels better" and also think "but he keeps calling me ugly and stupid, and every time I see him he insults me and screams and I get scared, I should stop visiting him and stop answering his calls and texts so I am no longer in situations where I could be insulted and screamed at." You are allowed to love someone, and ALSO protect yourself from them! You deserve to be safe! You deserve to protect yourself first, care about your own wellbeing first, care about if YOU are safe and content, even if it means upsetting someone else. Even if someone else would rather you were hurting, if it meant you kept seeing them.

You deserve to be respected. You deserve to be spoken to kindly, to feel you are safe from physical harm, to be talked to as a person with value. From strangers, friends, and lovers. If people are hurting you, if you feel worse being around them, you are ALLOWED to leave and put yourself in a place where you are no longer being hurt. You deserve to prioritize your own well being.

[deoidesign]

.

[musical-chick-13]

The thing is, when OCD Brain™ goes "morality is complicated" it's not exactly from the standpoint of "I have no idea what the concepts of Good and Bad are." It's more, "I know what my values are, what I consider the concept of 'Good' to be, but I perceive so many things as being antithetical to that concept of 'Good', and I don't know how to sort the Actually Antithetical ones from the Stuff My Brain Worries About Unnecessarily ones, so I spend my life trying to atone both for mistakes I HAVE actually made and for things that no one other than me would consider a 'mistake' in the first place."

Because it's better to be sure, right? If there's anything that could be interpreted as malicious or harmful or selfish or Not Doing Enough (regardless of how much you would have to stretch the definitions of those words to make that actually be true), then better counteract and avoid and whatever-else all of those potential things.

An example of this I usually use when trying to explain all this is the discussion regarding alcohol and consent. All of the people I've met who have this illness (including me), understand that, if someone is under the influence, they cannot actually consent to something--an agreement, a contract, a sexual encounter. If someone is drunk and, therefore, does not actually have full possession of themselves and their mental faculties, something they say or do that might seem like an expression of consent cannot be taken as one. Because, due to those outside circumstances (i.e. the aforementioned "Not Truly Having Self-Possession" and "Something directly interfering with someone's ability to make decisions") consent cannot be considered freely given. Very few people are going to dispute this.

Where OCD might (and frequently does) come in is that many other, not-OCD-having people will, for example, mention going out to a bar and sharing a drink with someone before hooking up with them. Or discussing things during a business dinner where there might be a glass of wine involved. True, these people may not be drunk, but the way alcohol affects the human body is going to be different for every person. Some people might be affected by a little amount of alcohol, even if they don't realize it. Some people have a very low tolerance for it, and there's not really any way for you to know for sure. This is further complicated by the fact that alcohol might stay in your system for a little while. How long does it take for the effects to wear off and you aren't in that state of vulnerability anymore? Again, that will be different for every person, and you have no way of knowing this.

For someone with OCD, the way around these questions might become, "Don't accept any kind of agreement at all (to a contract, to a business arrangement, to sex) from someone if any alcohol has been involved in any way during the hours leading up to that agreement." But if someone lives their life by this particular rule, plenty of people (if not most of them) are going to say they're being over-worried or ridiculous or silly or stupid. Some form of "you're overreacting" (or, in particularly unfortunate cases, "you're crazy/inhuman/authoritarian") will usually be the response from people who don't suffer from this illness. And you don't know why that's the response. You don't know why people don't agree with you. (And in this particular case, I still don't. It's been 30 years, and I still genuinely do not understand why this is the reaction I get.)

And it can be like this in every case. We know germs are bad and that you should be cautious in how you handle them, so people don't get sick. Better make sure to clean everything [a specific overly-complicated way, an inordinate number of times, for a really long amount of time]. You should take responsibility when you hurt people, so why not apologize for everything you do, just to make sure.

Children are a particularly vulnerable and disenfranchised group of people, so why not go out of your way to avoid them, to make absolutely sure you don't make their struggles worse? (<-I'm actually wondering if the recent uptick in "There's no reason for an adult to talk to a child/teenager they aren't related to or teaching" discussion is coming from.)

Obviously abuse is bad, so to make sure you don't do that, you need to punish yourself/do compulsions to atone if you ever so much snap at someone out of irritation or have an argument with them. After all, one mistake could pave the way for more. The only way to be absolutely sure you don't turn into a bad person is to never do anything bad, or erase the times when you do make mistakes. Wishing violence on someone and actively wanting to hurt them is bad, so if you get intrusive thoughts about that (even if you. you know. don't want those thoughts. because they're intrusive.), then you need to do everything you can at all times to make sure that doesn't somehow develop into actually hurting someone. Bad patterns of thought can inspire bad patterns of actions!

(And plenty of people don't even understand the nuances of that last one because we are living in a time where so many people genuinely believe that thoughtcrime is a real thing.)

It's not that OCD erodes your moral code or makes it impossible to have one. It's that it tells you all of these things, many of which you cannot possibly sustain, are necessary actions to uphold that moral code. It's that you know what "bad" is, but you interpret most or all of the things you could ever do as contributing to the "bad." And if this illness is convinced that every single action you take is "bad," then that means there is no realistic way to actually be "good."

[silusvesuius]

n*loth not being able to bag anyone over the (human term) age of 25-30 at most is the only logical and real conclusion to me because it can be just explained away as him wanting to prove and control everything and anyone (Cus he's a man!) but being stuck in that demographic because his unbearable and vile personality is a force that nobody can look past once they've outgrown the possible fear and idolization period of anyone but also n*loth in particular.