#and yknow what i could probably say something like ''im only hitting you to death with a brick because i love you 💞''

[unusualshrimp]

i hate mental health content like "heal your inner child 🥺" what if i HATE that thing and want to beat it to a pulp. is that allowed because i think that would fix me

[randombubblegum]

When do you think awsten really started to change? Like right after Fandom? I haven’t been a fan long enough to see the change, I just know he’s more annoying than ever and he makes fans mad. I’m surprised I’m still here 💀

I also don’t understand why he said in an interview that he’s doing so much better than he was prior to GH, yet I feel like GH has way more references to self-hatred and death than any of their other albums. I get his whole “fake it ‘til you make it” mentality regarding his confidence, but I can’t tell what’s real and what’s fake, and I’m sure other fans feel the same way. I know this is probably old news especially since GH has been out for almost a year now, but I’ve only recently started watching their interviews, recent and old, and I really do see a big difference

its hard to say exactly but id put him Changing For The Worse actually BEFORE fandom, like in early 2019? thats when he fell in with super annoying nasty twitter funnymen™ in la and it made him a JACKASS. like SUCH an asshole holy shit it was awful. hes cut all of them off now (with dog girl being the last to go actually lol) but the very observable change in how he acted online from “funny chaos-loving endearing jokester” to “self-absorbed asshole with mean jokes and cruel clapbacks” happened shortly after he befriended elijah daniel and company.

and then THAT comically self-aggrandizing attitude carried him through fandom and only snowballed from there….. before fandom he used to joke with otto and geoff like “WATERPARKS IS THE RICHEST BAND IN THE WORLD WERE SOOO RICH” and it was funny bc they were clearly an up and coming band so it wasnt like that!! but it was so endearing and funny you couldnt help but root for them!!!! but then when fandom era hit awsten was like…. not kidding anymore about wanting to be rich and famous and the vibe shifted noticeably. the whole “i want a big house i want nice things” motif mixed with the “its the FANS fault i dont have those, they wont let me be successful like i could if i were a rapper” kind of……. like entitlement isnt exactly the right word, but something close to it, started coming through.

fandom was honestly NOT an insightful or good commentary on fandom itself but it rly set the stage for awsten to be a huge self-centered braggart lol….. all this whining about how his fans like him too much or not enough, dont respect the boundaries online he actively rewards them for breaking, how hes not rich enough, etc etc all started there imo. and fandom did better than any album before it, partly because hopeless records put a lot of work into its promotion and partly because they were doing so well touring after entertainment….

and then it all fell apart honestly. awsten channeled the same shit but worse for gh and kept getting nastier and nastier with his attitude. like interviews are really the best way to judge this for yourself and i think youll see EXACTLY what im talking about when you do: they went from being cute funny character showcases of all the members, awsten cheerful and friendly and cracking jokes, to like….. awstens the only one talking. awsten going on about how great he is. awsten saying his music is the best in the world with no hint of joking exaggeration. geoff and otto go from being silent in the background to just not being there at all. it fucking sucks and i think its VERY clear why so many fans feel upset and let down when u watch the interviews all together

as for the last part of your ask yeah i think awsten is way worse off mentally and emotionally in the gh era than he was even during fandom. hes always had this self-aggrandizing overly confident abrasive persona he puts on to, yknow, be able to perform while also shielding himself from vulnerability, and thats normal. everyone used to like it even, since it was so clear he was puffing his chest up and faking it till he made it. now its become impossible to determine where the asshole braggart narcissistic persona STOPS and awsten the real person STARTS…… and the absolute worst part of all of this is that, based on how he treats his friends and partners when the cameras are off, it might not end at all. they legit might be one and the same at this point

[impulstor]

explanations behind my song choice for my 3lsmp playlist under the read more! keep in mind, some of these songs don't really have a reason beyond just... vibes. and that some ideas have changed over time. anyway!

playlist here

anti-hero — originally added as an etho song, and still applies. with him being prepared to fight & kill for ren + the rest of the red army. also, he tends to be a bit unpredictable and has a very different moral standing from someone like, say, martyn.

kill the sun — fits with the series as a whole, with shifting alliances and friendships, and with people killing and being killed by one another.

special — this ones for all the mfs who didn't pick a side until really late, or were bouncing between factions for a while 💪. especially for tango, as an example, making friends with someone who he can also consider his enemy, and being completely unsure where he stands in any group, though he wants to have their faith.

villain — this song is just really good for making a mental amv for lmao. it's good for demonstrating differing alliances n sides, n of course that applies here.

oh, death — not a lot of specific thoughts for this, just. yknow, death, vibes, dying for someone, watching your friend die, etc.

6up 5oh cop-out — first of all, I'm just a slut for will wood sometimes. second, a lot of the lyrics on their own could 100% be applied to events in the series (I mean I did use some from it for my etho n tango drawing for funsies) so. it's a strange song but the vibes fit well, in my opinion :]

kill of the night — a bit self explanatory, I think. in a series about trying to outlive, and to eventually kill your friends? no doubt you're going to end up hunting certain people down, hmmm? revenge, n all that. works well for multiple characters, really.

you're gonna go far, kid — impulse. just like. tango, or maybe etho, at impulse. "with a thousand lies and a good disguise, hit em right between the eyes" I meaaan 🤔 how is it NOT impulse lmao

kill the lights — once again, killing, death, murder, yknow. good vibes. also people lying and betraying one another, and watching as their friends and enemies die in front of them, people being changed by the events that transpire.. also technically they ARE actors sooo. kill the actor, yknow

mad IQs — mostly this song just slaps (thank you eexer 🙏) but also the lyrics fit well with the events! death, murder, killing your friends, burning. there is a lot of fire.

go get your gun — works very well for the whole war goin on. one side vs another, fighting and losing allies, fighting to win for their fallen allies, cheating fate if they DO win. also the line "when this is over, we'll raise a glass straight up to the sun" could be seen as like. everyone coming together to be friends once it's all over bc they are!

c'est la vie — it fits well. bad things happen, you lose people, you hurt, karma kicks your ass, but that's just life, and that's the game. c'est la vie.

i'm gonna win — fits for how they're all fighting to be the last one standing. and also with having to work through literally dying and to not give up, if you want to win.

mr capgras... — once again, I just like will wood. also fits well with people fighting each other, mostly with the chorus. "you'll never take me alive" / "you better pray that I die" likjkeeeee 👀 you could make art fitting those lyrics tbh

curses — red & green duos (at least. when they were intact :/) sticking together, taking care of one another when everything is going to hell, people are dying, and it's getting intense. they trust each other, at least.

under the pressure — don't really have something specific, it just fits well, with the lyrics. honestly this one fits well as a skizz song, now that I'm thinking about it. he went from trying to be friends with a lotta people to taking two out for good and went out in a blaze of glory. yea. that's what I got lol

everybody wants to rule the world — I dont think I really need an explanation for this one. it just fits well with everyone trying to win the whole game, and with everything slowly ramping up in intensity

rebels — for scar and grian being crime bros for the first while :] everything IS burning, good for them!

outrunning karma — impulse once again. playing everyone, playing to everyones good sides as much as he could, until the act didnt matter anymore. but karma might really kick him in the ass, if he ends up as one of the last survivors, and others turn on him for betraying everyone earlier on.

you're nobody til somebody wants you dead — shrug emoji. just fits well mostly. friends fighting eachother, betrayal, yadda yadda.

thanks i hate it — mmm,, tango? idk, im just a tango enjoyer, and he has spent quite a bit of effort trying to please certain groups to like. no avail. especially team crastle. like tbh he was solidly on board with em for a while, and mightve gone back to them on his own. but cleo blackmailed him anyway. rip tango.

the riddle — ALL OF IT. the whole series. it fits

crazy = genius — i dont rly like brendan urie like at all. so i might remove it from the playlist at some point. but it does fit with scar and grian being villains.

icarus — mmm fits well with grian. with the wing imagery, and with the fact that he made SO many enemies by working with scar. and he never reaallllyyyyy apologized, did he? he's walking a dangerous line, with few allies,

cradles — idk lmao. vibes only.

wolf in sheeps clothing — impulse again mostly lol. sung by skizz or etho probably. betrayal <3

how villains are made — again, for those neutral parties that had to choose a side. its about being torn between two sides & having to choose. honestly, I could see it fitting bigb, if he does some funky villain stuff next session. he deserves it I think <3

killing butterflies — trauma, ouchie, angst, murder your friends. everything hurts.

king — ren!! that's it.

little lion man — bruh if ren dies and leaves martyn alone.... ghost ren to martyn.... ouch.

gives you hell — red army @ sand people. specifically etho and ren get to be petty at scar i think

wine red — [gestures vaguely] all of it

i bet my life — red and green duos again. though it could be after some of them permadie.

miss missing you — (thanks again eexer this one also slaps <3) ouch impulse and tango angst. or impulse and etho angst. OR etho and tango angst. THEM. :(

youth — all of it but like. after it's over. just like going back and looking at how it all went down.

a gorey demise — i just think it would be fun to animate everyone's different deaths to this song tbh

another one bites the dust — they are once again Dying. but it's not angsty and dramatic this time.

god rest ye merry gentlemen — 😔 the whole thing again. pain

[goatpaste]

WC design/headcannon/ect masterlist- Part B

another chunk of all the headcanos/AU’s/design notes/warrior names for kits and leaders never given a canon one/ect for all the wario cats!

this one is for all the B named cats!

info under the cut

Badgerfang

badgerfang i think a lot of us have a big ol soft spot for, but ought i really care him and his family i think it needs more than jusT the badgerfang death like for real

one of the biggest reasons i wanna learn to animate is because i wanna make a badgerfang and flintfang amv! it would be sdkg more about flintfang because i think he’s a neat character who has a lot of potential for development 

like mAN you ever stop and think about not only was flintfang sad over badgerfangs death because it was sad, bUT also because badgerfang was his sisters kit AND to the thought of blackstar is flintfangs brother. flintfang had to deal with playing a hand in badgerfangs death then watch his brother loyally follow brokenstar, then tigerstar 🥺

Baypaw

baypaw was the first of his lil chunk of family i design, i didnt have a sorrelstripe design made yet so i ultimately decided to base his design on his grandpa Lionblaze. smaller fluffy lionblaze.

I know we should be coming up to baypaw getting their warrior name soon

i think a name like Baysong or Baygale

Beech Tail

the only thing i have  to say is dgjksh when i designed the ‘beech’ prefix designs it was late and i totally went ‘beech... the beach’ and noT beech the tree sdjkgh. so i designed beech tail like that of a penguin sdjkgh

Beechfur

beechfur , riverclan warrior under mistystar’s leadership

i imagine beechfur is be EXTREMely accident prone, from the first instant of getting sick and healed by leafpool all the way up till the end. He is in and out of the medicine cats den constantly. and through this formed a big ol crush on the pretty medicine cat apprentice Willowshine who has had to full on decline his feelings. he is not the only one who has had this treatment, many a riverclan cats have found themself charmed by willowshine

Beechpaw

Beechpaw, a apprentice of ancient skyclan who were forced to leave the forest territory.  i imagine beechpaw was of the few cats who did everything he could to keep the others in good spirit while they tried to find their home, which often came to the annoyance of all his distraught clanmates. he never stopped doing all he could to put a smile on their face until he died.

he was the last apprentice cloudstar named a warrior and only lived a few moons after becoming one.

warrior names i like for him are like Beechshed or Beechshine

Beenose

slight update to my beenose design because i want her to fit my newer darktail group clown aesthetic 

another design note is her and her siblings all are themed after a diff color of the rainbow, beenose is yellow. their mom snowbird has a pale rainbow pattern and each other her kits is a diff color of the rainbow

Beetlewhisker

Beetlewhisker is another one of my quiet favorites i have, and it is because of the error of him being alive for SO many books after he died.

like !!! bitch had a HUGE major death and went on to live for a long time aND be listed as a cats mentor (which i think that has been changed now)

i love the idea of in a way beetlewhisker WAS with the clans that long after his death. that due to his death was in a way locked in the dark forest, his soul stuck there. but because of the ways of the dark forest cat’s he was chased out, and unable to enter starclan having died in the dark forest, now cursed to live in limbo.

He walks to the grounds of riverclan watching over his clanmates while they rest hoping that no one else is to be preyed upon by the dark forest like he was ever again. 

theres ghost stories of riverclan cats seeing the shape of a cat shining brightly when hit by moonlight. a peaceful spirit of the past who protects them.

and in design 100% his design was made to look like that of a smeleton bones lol

Bellaleaf

the erin team will have to pry bellaleaf and firestar being siblings from my cold dead hands!!

you can’t say they look basically exactly alike and their not related i wont take it sdjkg. i DIE for the idea oh whore jake managing to have so many kids that get into the clans. like the over saturation of jake dna through the clans ruining them absolutely kills me sdjkg

i also imagine ravenpaw having like deja vu of firestar when he looks at bella, cats who knew firestar look at her and can’t help feel she reminds them of someone. 

Berryheart

another one of the designfor snowbirds kits, berryheart is the red themed sibling.

she also got a slight design change to be more clowny to fit her time in darktail’s group

Berrynose

i just love berrynose, i think hes very terrible and i love him a lot

i think the books are cowards and i think berrystar woulda been the fUNniest outcome oR like

imagine the powermove if berrynose lived and squirrelflight fucking made berrynose her deputy likE

also berrynose is a lil gay brat, he has a thick country accent and everyone find him weirdly charming. many hate him but cant help but find him alluring. 

he actually is a very good warrior, he stays on top of his task and brings in the prey. his biggest problem is his ego and his need to get in others faces all the time

i love when he’s paired with lionblaze because their stupid rivarly is so good i really wish it was more plot important and lasted longer i LIVE for best friend rivals lion and berry

buT i also love him with jayfeather for the simple dynamic of the one cat who would probably hate him more than anyone else but oops he’s in love to

or him and breezepelt because they could be lil shitheads togeather

Birchface

the biggest thing i can say about birchface is 100% birchface watched over mapleshade’s kits, doesnt let appledusk or his own family hurt them. He treats them like his own.

in AU’s where birchface lives i defiantly can see him having a HUGE crush on mapleshade and being much like thrushpelt was to bluefur. being as a surrogate dad for her kits and keeping the secret.

in my main AU with mapleshade dieing and getting a redemption its mostly the same except they become a sweet happy family together in starclan.

he’s a big goofy dad type and his father had hoped he would become leader one day, but worried that he was too lax with the code and not as driven to fight as others and began to think he would have to rely on frecklewish instead. then they both died and he ended up turning to his youngest son pinefur

Blade

this is just a one time ghost cat buT  i like the design i made for her.

im all here for dark forest cats having this black oozing mark from where they died, starclan gets being covered in stardust and maybe having from pretty plats or glow or other representative stuff on their death. but ghost cats are loUD with their mark of death. its a nagging weight they carry around based on their inability to move on to their respective afterlives. For blade its giant bright red tire marks that slowly circle around her body.

Blazefire

just a lil boy

i imagine he kinda constantly has crushes on cats from other clans which while some might tell him to hush when he shares his thoughts on the pretty cat from riverclan he gets some loving teasing from dovewing and antfur

Blazefire is also miss nearly all of his tail

Blizzardstar and Blizzardwing

not much here but to say 100% i designed blizzardwing in mind of being that of a grandson or great grandson to blizzardstar

Blossomfall

shrug idk a lot to say about her beyond, i know she’s a asshole character but i remember liking her, i think she’s mean but its kinda fun in a way

i think i also just have this soft spot for millies kits because their millie’s

also i just like my blossomfall design i think she’s v fun

Blossomkit

another shadowclan kit who died under brokenstar’s ruling.

i think as sad as it is, i can imagine blossomkit to be badgerfang’s sister, just another sad thing to think about for fernshade’s litter. the potential idea of all her kit’s dying because of brokenstar

a warrior name for her that would been cute woulda been like Blossomglaze or blossomsprout

Bluebellkit

bluebellkit sure disappeared from the books. she’s one of those kits that like, she already had a mouth full of a name and i wish i coulda seen what they woulda named her as a warrior

but she’s another one of snowbird’s rainbow themed kids, her ofc being the blue one.

i think a cute warrior name for her could been Bluebellwhistle or bluebellfoot

Blouder

i lobe boulder i think he is very under appreciated!! 

i think it be very fun to get a novella or something in this POV,,

he’s just hangin out back there yknow,,,

Bouncefire

(bit of an art change from here as i took a break between these two and switched programs)

idk a lot about actual bouncefire, i think the only books with any real characterization in it was ones i havent read

buT id really like to imagine growing up he saw his mentor patchfoot as a father figure and was ultimately the reason patchfoot and his mom got together. and bouncefire being absolutely ecstatic about it. thinking patchfoot is the coolest guy

bouncefire gets along good with his half siblings

gay cat and wanna be emo but just is kinda angy

Brackenfur

my biggest brackenfur AU is my medicat brackenfur which i have info of here

https://goatpaste.tumblr.com/post/631020627780911104/au-where-insteed-of-fireheart-picking-up

and

https://goatpaste.tumblr.com/post/632972589046890496/mmm-writing-out-like-big-plot-point-changes-in-my

the other thing vaguely mention in these but would probably be more prominent in his og story

but brackenfur is quietly the biggest mess in the family. Being on pare with confidence and energy as cinderpelt when they were young, after her accident somethin changed for him. he loved his sister but is a big distant. but its hardly noticeable between the two as they worked very separate jobs in the clan

then his other sister, brightpaw has her accident and brackenfur begins to question something

but when he his the last to leave in the thunderclan group to their new home he stops and looks back at his mother frostfur who is old and frail look, though she wasnt young the damage of the forest hit her hard. 

this when brackenfur decides starclan has it out for his family, especially the mollies. they were cursed he was sure.

moons later he is expecting his kits with sorreltail, letting his mind rest on the idea, the crazy notion that some greater force wanted the she-cats in his family dead. 

then the day his kits arrive cinderpelt dies to the badgers. he pushes down these feelings down again it was the time. But he couldn’t help but think that, if leafpool was there, if starclan had given them a sign of the badgers, anything. maybe cinderpelt might have lived. but he pushes it back down and tells himself it was a warriors death

and then his daughter, cinderpaw is struck by the tree and the stirring in his mind grows stronger. why has starclan done this to his family

then honeyfern gets bit by the snake. how could starclan be so cruel, their always so young.

then his sweet sorreltail fought strongly for her two young daughters future

and on his own, forced to watch seedpaw drown and lilypaw be haunted by what happened.

the women in brackenfurs family is cursed and he bears the burden of relizing it, of living and watching each of them suffer until the end

to the ones that lived and are happy still, with no burdens in their lives he watches happily making sure NOTHING bad comes their way. he would fight starclan themselves to make sure his family is safe and happy

Breezepelt

in design Breezepelt has a p average length tail. which for him is a huge disappointment. His father crowfeather has a long slender windclan tail, a trait that is held to high standards in his family. a trait passed all the way down from windstar herself who had the longest and most beautifully windy tail. 

Breezepelt has a angry spot about this because he feels lacking and especially disconnected to his father. BUT double this with jayfeather having only half windclan blood has a tail even longer than crowfeathers 

i also would NOT put breezepelt with heathertail, i dont see any reason for it. like first off this bitch gay, id love for him to have a boyfriend and it think it should be berrynose because one, their both terrible i think it be funny and i also think its funny to ship berrynose with lionblaze or jayfeather so im like, whats another brother (to be clear not shipped all together, this is separately) and two, the idea heathertail and poppyfrost lesbian could exist

then the big BIg thing is, i would take breezepelts character and gut what happened in crowfeathers trial out of both him and crowfeather

i talk about it a bit here, but i think ill re talk about it in full when i get to crowfeather https://goatpaste.tumblr.com/post/190544981670/breezepelt

Briarlight

miss briarlight i love you!!

very sweetgirl

i based her design off sakuras and bleed heart doves. idk what possessed me but when i went to design her i knEW she was gonna be pink she needed to be she deserved it

briarlight buff as shit in her forlegs she loves trying to rope leafpool and jayfeather into lil strength contest she always wins (sometimes she will let leafpool win on days she needs it) 

her and jayfeather are wlw/mlm best friends. jayfeather calls her pidge which started as a mean nickname that she simply loved and embraced fully

also in my AU with medicat lionblaze i can very much see briarlight and lionblaze being very sweet friends. like big strong lionblaze who is actually docile and compassionate about his work and briarlight loud and rooting him on

Brick

swear to god until i got back into warrior cats this year i had always thought brick was a lady and her and bone were suppous to be scourges like adoptive bad parents jkdg

anyways im still with that, she/her agender brick who adopts their terrible son scourge and is in a monogamous partnership with bone’s. strictly business defiantly not married, they just have a son together. 

Brindlewing

idk a ton about her, but from her wiki it dsjkgh doesnt look like theirs  alot

but i’d like to imagine she’s a very anxious girl and struggles in crowds especially around cat she doesn't know. she feels more comfortable when one of her sisters is with her or her grandmother nightcloud. Nightcloud has always been a source of self confidence for her and they love each very much.

Brindlewing also inherited crowfeather’s family long tail that skipped breezepelt. Brindlewing holds the tail in her mouth as a means of helping her anxiety.

Bristlefrost

a biG design overhaul for my bristlefrost design, i really didnt like the old design i made her. wanted her to be a lil darker colored and in general have a cuter design

i gave her diff color eyes to mark her double agent status one eye green like her fathers and the other sharing the same blue i use for ashfur’s eye color

i kept her with the one white paw which i give to any descendent of jake, just because canonically she is ivy and ferns kid.

but in my rewrite their not togeather. Fernsong was a kittypet or a loner who had lost their mate and home and was found by ivypool caring for his three kittens alone. this is more fernsong headcanon, but bristlefrost is there

bristle and all the kits love ivypool they look up to her big time and all wished she was their mentor when they became apprentices. 

bristlefrost often confides in her father when feeling guilty or unsure of herself and he is always there for her

Bristlekit

half brother to tallstar

i imagine woolytail’s family seems to have a high mortality rate with their kids with only one maybe two usually making it to adulthood. bristlekit would die before becoming an apprentice and spent time in starclan with finchkit and later rabbitkit waiting for wrenflight and tallstar.

if bristlekit made it to being a warrior id like to think he was named Bristlefeather or Bristlefoot

Brook where small fish swim

teeny update to my brook design to give her small white fish dots matching her brothers spots

her general design is mean to be loosely based on a mountain lion. 

she got strong powerful mountain climbing body

i also wish her romance was better developed and wasnt like based in a lot of white savior romance plots given to native and native coded characters

in general the tribe really shoulda just been written better

Brownpaw

brownpaw, brother to littlecloud killed mosspaw as a kit on accident and was apprenticed for it by brokenstar

i imagine him and his brother wetfoot killing mosspaw effect them both deeply. for wetfoot it shook him to the core and made his doubt his own claws

for brownpaw it set him down the path of destruction. brokenstar rewarding him for what happened with mosspaw was the biggest enabler

brownpaw would go on to be a blood thirsty apprentice who would throw his young life away under brokenstars order of attack.

had he been made a warrior i think brokenstar woulda named him Brownmoss claiming he had earned the name when he took it from mosspaw.

Bug

design for bug because i think the book she was in didnt exist when i originally started drawing every warrior cat

love her!

bumblestripe

bumblestripe’s character makes me sad

im SUCH a millie stan and for one of her kids to be disabled then treated like garbage to the end of her life and written super ablest and then her other two kids are total shit heads? makes me sad

i wish at lEAST millie and graystripe had a second little, maybe just one total sweetheart

and its been forever since i read the books. but i remember bumblestripe being a real nobody characters just very generic personality until romance plot for dovewing came into play. and now he super sucks!

i wish he coulda just been a good character who loved dovewing, is sad and kinda jealous of her feelings for tigerheart but in the end respects her decisions and even admires her courage to follow her heart even if it led her over the borders.

Buster/Rippletail

slight buster redesign to fit more in the circus clown look from when he was in the kin

also design note, he’s got an orange themed design to go along with his rainbow themed siblings

Buzzardkit

windclan kit who showed up once in the sight crying and being comforted by a queen

mm i think some good warrior names for them woulda been like

buzzardface, Buzzardshriek or buzzardwhistle

[kevinwastaken]

okay so idk if anyones done this yet, but this has been in my mind ever since i got into omori lmao

so uhHhHhhh heres my idea for an identity v omori crossover! just because i think it would be neat

this is going to be a super long post (probably), so if you want to read it, just hit read more or whatever

i also want to say that some character choices are gonna be taken from my friend, @/kami.rikki on instagram. but she didnt think as hard on these as i did so like idk

there Will be spoilers for omori, so just be warned of that lmao

so as i said before, this has been on my mind for a HOT minute. and i think it would be a cool collab

for starters, this crossover will be split up (as is every other crossover) in two parts, with one hunter two survivors. i know essence usually have one hunter three survivors, but theres not enough characters for that, and six can be split up evenly sooo

i was thinking that the skins could be like the ones from the persona 5 crossover. like, they can be “awakened” in a sense. the base costumes will be the dream world versions of everyone, while the awakened costumes will be the real world versions. i wasnt here for the persona 5 crossover, so idk how many of those spirit things you had to collect, but i Do know that omoris spirit things could be. uh

well actually i dont know. initially i was thinking lightbulbs, like the one in white space, but the lightbulb isnt too important in the game i dont think? and im not sure about clams either. i know theyre dream world currency, but??

oh actually, maybe you can collect Something to awaken the costumes. because something is a representation of the truth in sunnys mind, and by awakening the costumes, you get to see the characters as their real selves. yeah lets go with that, you collect something from the essence

i swear ive been thinking this out shut up

the hunter costumes wont be awakened though, and i have a reason for this

anyway

part one

the characters that will be present in part one are sunny, basil, and aubrey. i chose them first because. ofc, sunnys the protag, basils his best friend and helped cover up maris death hes important to the story but anyway, and aubrey is <<33 yuh

so heres whos going to be who:

sunny/omori as wu chang

so let me preface this by saying that im not a hunter main. never have been, never will be. and ive never played wu chang. but i swear thisll make sense, im doing research

wu chang is actually composed of two characters, with two different stats: xie, the white guard, and fan, the black guard. i cant tell the difference while im playing, considering the fact that my ass is either running away or decoding. but theres a difference i looked it up

sunny would be the white guard. xie is a fast chaser, but has slow attack speed. ie, slow hits, slow pallet breaking, that stuff. this reflects how sunny is in the real world. he can run, yes, but hes still physically weak due to being locked in his house for four years and spending all his time sleeping. he would be better for chasing than attacking

omori would be the black guard. fan is the opposite of xie, having slow chasing speed but faster attack speed. this reflects in omori. omori is Very apathetic, and really, i dont think he would care to chase anybody unless it was for a quest. though, i guess killing survivors Is a quest for hunters, but. anyway

in battle, omori is a good fighter. his attacks are strong, (although not as strong as say. aubrey or kel. but who am i to say, the playthrough i watched had omori constantly sad) out of him and sunny, omori would be the attacker. so theres my choice for them

the umbrella can probably be switched for a knife. maybe an elongated knife. im not entirely sure, but i know the umbrella wont stay as an umbrella

basil as kurt frank

so i know what youre thinking. why is basil “the explorer??” hear me out this is actually a really good idea

the true best choice would be emma, since shes the gardener, but idv doesnt like giving characters skins of the opposite gender if you know what i mean. anyway

basil isnt a fighter. hes an assist, yes, but that was only for a crime four years ago. not my point, he wouldnt want to be in the action

i think he’d be a really good decoder. especially a good kurt

i originally wanted him to be prisoner, out of no bias whatsoever (/j) but kurt is a good fit for him

basil hides. he hides from things. he hides from the truth just like sunny, and he hides from others. albeit he still goes outside

i will not lie, i have a very personal grudge against kurt players. i dont want them to have anything because every kurt main ive come across was toxic to me specifically. but anyway

so one of kurts abilities is that he can go smaller to run around undetected and/or hide. i find this perfect for basil, because. yknow. hiding

his other ability is to find password pages and use them to decode ciphers faster. i think this would be funny because basils existence in headspace leads sunny to remembering the truth about maris death. i mean, if he werent in headspace, omori and the gang would continue going on adventures like nothing is wrong, so basil sort of speeds up the acknowledging process

this sounds dumb actually. but it makes sense in my head

anyway, the book would be turned into basils photo album, and he wouldnt have a backpack like kurt does. theres my answer

and finally,

aubrey as margaretha zelle

aubrey was actually really hard to pick out. none of the female survivors really fit her, aside from maybe coord, but i dont know what her gun would turn into. i will admit that her section wont be as detailed as basil or sunnys. but anyway my choice is with margie

aubrey imo would be a good kiter. she has strong stats all around, so i feel as if she’d be a great fit for margie. not to mention her speed boost when falling from large heights, which would make her a faster runner and harder to chase if used right. aubrey would be more physically fit since shes a fighter and seems to do a lot of stuff with the hooligans, which also helps prove that she should be a kiter. ANYWAY

so margie has these music boxes that can mess with the hunter, right? some of aubreys attacks can mess with enemies iirc. soooo theyre kind of similar in a way, arent they?

im not exactly sure what the music box can be turned into. maybe a small piano? aubrey cares about mari a lot, and the reason shes so pissed at everyone and rebellious is because she felt like everyone had forgotten about mari and moved on with their lives. so the music box could be a tribute to mari

i dont know how many changes they made with ann tamakis costume in the persona crossover, other than cosmetics for the skin only, so im not sure if the music box was changed at all. i can dream though

in the case that its changed, the blue box could be the song from the playground in headspace (yknow the one) while the red box could be the final duet song. but just with the piano, not the violin

essence

because yes, i thought about the essence too

of course, aside from the skins, there will be other stuff in the essence too. so itll be as follows:

for portraits, theyre going to be the neutral battle portraits from headspace. aside from basil and mari, who do not have battle portraits. theirs will just be of their neutral expressions with the neutral emotion backround behind them. i would add pictures, but the character pictures add up to six, so i’d run out of room before reaching part two

for graffiti, im not really sure. maybe everyones overworld sprites in headspace? along with maybe one of Something

for accessories, i actually have an idea of what thesell be. theyre going to be character exclusive accessories, just like how tpn did theirs

for aubrey, she’ll have mr plantegg. i was thinking of maybe having her bat as an accessory, but

OH ACTUALLY her bat could be a shop accessory that changes the music boxes!! probably an a tier tbh

anyway, the essence accessory for her is mr plantegg, and its there strictly for cosmetic purposes. for basil, he’d get either a pair of garden shears, or a basil plant, since yknow. his names basil. this is also for cosmetic purposes

they all are. i should say that now, the accessories are all cosmetic except aubreys a tier shop bat

finally, for sunny, im not entirely sure what to give him. i could give him a knife, sure, but then he’d have two knives because of the umbrella. maybe a steak? or a pair of red hands? im torn on this

and that concludes part one

part two

**PLEASE BE AWARE THAT MARIS IMAGE HAS THE PHOTO FROM THE TRUTH ALBUM WHERE SHES HANGING FROM THE TREE. IF YOU DONT WANT TO SEE IT, SKIP PAST IT. SHES THE FIRST CHARACTER IM PUTTING ON HERE

part two consists of mari, hero, and kel. do not separate them </3

here are my character choices:

mari as yidhra

so i know yidhra may seem like a weird choice. i originally thought of maybe mary, but this makes sense to me

yidhra herself will be mari. im not sure which version, but even though i have real world mari in the photo, maybe headspace mari would be better. nobody can see her anyway lmao

yidhras servants will be, again, mari, but she looks as she did when basil and sunny hung her on the tree. her hairs covering her face, with her right eye being visible. kind of like the girl from the ring, but anyway yeah

yidhra is the dream witch. she haunts your dreams and she haunts mine when i go against her. maris death haunts everyone, especially sunny and basil (whom know the truth of what happened,) so this just seems like a perfect fit

her death is “leeched” onto everyones minds (pun entirely intended), so attaching herself to survivors with only her death appearance visible is mmmm

instead of an axe, maybe her weapon can be the jump rope she was hung from? and it can be used as a whip? that makes the most sense to me idk

im not good at explaining things, but if you were to see dream witch in a match, youd know how good this would work

also brings a new meaning to “my thoughts will follow you into your dreams” HELLO

hero as norton campbell

so hero was kind of hard for me to pick too. i wanted him to be a support character, but looking around, there are. barely any that would work. my closest choice was victor, but?? the letters???? they dont correlate

hero doesnt give me kiter vibes, but nortons good at rescues too, as long as youre in an area with obstacles. and usually, when someone dies in battle, hero can make life jam to revive the fallen party member

nortons magnets are used to either bring the hunter closer to him, or push the hunter away. both can be used to stun with obstacles. while hero doesnt have any stun attacks that i can remember, he does have charming abilities that can be used to take damage for the other party members. so similar stuff? idk

i guess his magnets can be turned into chocolate chip cookies, since thats what he uses to heal everyone. if not cookies, then i dont know

oh actually one of nortons abilities is called “attract.” thats so funny if you put hero as him lmao

heros section is kind of short, my bad

kel as william ellis

come on. who else were you expecting me to use? its the basketball man as the football man

while kel is a fighter in battle, he can also be used as a backup healer. aubrey is the main fighter of the group, and hero is the main healer. so hes kind of a catch-all in a sense

kels an athlete. he plays basketball. williams an athlete. he plays football. need i say more

im not gonna lie, this is kind of a don tpn situation where it just Makes Sense that kel would be william

the football will probably be replaced with either a rubber ball or a basketball, depending on which skin youre using. the former is for headspace kel, the latter for real world kel

the buffs and debuffs for william makes sense on kel too. kel would probably have trouble with something as (probably) complex as the cipher machines, and the struggle and vaulting buffs show off his athleticisim

same with the football, using rush to rescue is such a kel thing to do

essence

for part two, there will be about the same things as part one

the portraits will be the neutral battle portraits, this time with the real world counterparts of everyone. basil and maris will be their neutral expressions on the neutral battle background. though, since mari doesnt have Real real world portraits, i guess they could use the one from the one i used on the mari yidhra picture

for graffiti, it can be the real world overworld sprites

in terms of accessories, theyre still cosmetic and character exclusive. maris can be the white egret orchid, since thats the flower that represents her. heros can be a spatula, as thats his weapon of choice in headspace. for kel, im not sure. hes using the ball as a weapon so???

maybe he can get a cactus, because thats his assigned plant

in terms of shop items, i think i know the perfect thing

mewo as a pet

mewo my beloved. nobody could ever forget you

mewo would be a hunter pet. she would be cool for survs too i guess, but considering both her owners are hunters.....

mewo would probably follow the hunter around, not really doing much. i think it would be Extremely funny though if every time a survivor was chaired, she just chilled next to them in the pose shes always in in white space

thats pretty much it. if you got this far, thank you!! i spent like two hours writing this whole thing out LMAO damn

[dyketectivecomics]

Alright, a second major arc for both Helena and Tim! Let’s dive into it!

(no warnings that i can think of except genre-typical gang activity mentioned?)

For Helena:

Let’s start off with the fact that I SHOULD have read thru to #6, bc that one capped off the previous story arc v nicely. Helena Got Her Vengeance

now, technically she DIDN’T directly kill the man who like, Pulled The Trigger on her family (bc the guy who ordered the hit in the first place did that himself) BUT she did have a more active hand in THAT guy’s death. so im calling that a Win in the Vengeance Category. YOU GO HELENA

Did a brief detour with the JL adventures she participates in. nothing major to report on that front but im cautiously optimistic for what it’ll foreshadow for how well she plays with others lmao

as far as the second major arc of her solo goes: if the first arc was vengeance, this next was was Fallout. both in the sense of the legacy her father left behind, and in what almost became of NYC (and yes, she’s def operating out of NY for now, not gotham which!!! is interesting!)

the A-plot for most of it is taking down a serial killer who figured out the cypher to her dad’s ledgers and was a pretty satisfying read on its own? but then...

theres a b-plot abt a mostly drug-based gang trying to get their hands on nuclear technology and their means of doing it just... put a really shadow on the A plot to me.

like its cool to see the lines Helena’s drawing and her handling something so big!!!

but at the same time, there’s so much loss that occurs before Helena’s even aware of the situation and just... it really rubs me wrong in a way i cant fully articulate yet. but we’ll see. all early stories are flexible i suppose when her origins are going to be retconned away too.

And onward to Tim:

so the big things about the Robin mini-series and the story-arc that Dixon followed it up with... or at least what really drew my attention. was the inclusion of Shiva

bc Tim acknowledges that she’s like... actively killing people while she’s helping him and Rawlins.... but goes along with her training anyways??? and doesn’t??? yknow at least like? bargain with her to Maybe Not Kill While He’s Around???

idk!!! even Dinah at least had a throwaway line abt that from what i can remember of BoP but!!! maybe I’m overthinking it

Only, oh wait, im not, because........ when Tim confronts King Snake at the end, essentially wins the fight and then has a Moment when Shiva’s trying to convince him to push the guy completely off the ledge he just!!!! fucking leaves!!!

like TIM NO. HELP HIM UP???? DONT HAVE THIS BULLSHIT PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY.

this is the kinda shit that got JASON in trouble with readers but im just supposed to believe that with Tim this is suddenly okay??? and OH YEAH, tim TOTALLY thinks that the dude died and either 100% has his head up his ass or thinks that Shiva would’ve simply PUSHED the guy over the edge to kill him like fkjdla;s no honey, i know ur New to this, but that is Not how Shiva kills thanks. uh-uh.

and this boy has the NERVE to tell bruce that ‘oh yeah shiva mustve killed him’ BUT TIM U WERENT EVEN THERE TO STICK AROUND SO YOU DONT K N O W

idk!!!!! idk!!!!!!! its a nitpick probably but it doesnt sit right with me and doesnt endear me to this boy one bit!

otherwise, was really cool to see the ghost dragons story done up in p quick succession and the parting line WAS p haunting, with Bruce berating tim to disobeying orders and tim reminding b that he ‘isnt jason’ like..... oof that pain.

oh, also looking back on the notes i made! “Ducard”! was a lot of fun seeing a name i could recognize! love when there’s generations interacting in comics & the layers/degrees of separation that it gives. One of these days we gotta build up a game of like. Six Degrees of Shazam or smthn where we try to find out how far apart different heroes/characters are separated from each other 

okay wow that was a WHOLE tangent. my OTHER other note was that an excuse that bruce used to keep tim off patrol (and it WORKED mind you) was that tims grades were slipping. just saying the REAL BEST STUDENT ROBIN (jason) had GREAT GRADES and couldnt WAIT to study when he got home from patrol!!! who’s the REAL smartest robin then HMMMMMMMMM

[radramblog]

a perfectly normal tierlist

Well I’m at that point where it’s late, I’m tired, and im out of ideas. That’s right motherfuckers its time for a tierlist. I dunno which to do though, so let’s just hit the random button aaaand

…wait, there is no random button. Ok, sure, I’ll just close the old eyes and pick the first one I see that I can actually have an opinion on. No takesies backsies, unless it’s like american sports or something. aaand here we go.

…aww fuck.

Mistakes are being made.

Shit tier

ABO: Aside from the fact that it’s based on a flawed study that has been solidly discredited no matter how many right-wing grifters try to sell alpha chad pills, this shit is 100% horny on main all the time and not in a way I find particularly appealing. I can’t say I’ve intentionally read anything tagged with this shit, because seeing it on a taglist actively reviles me.

Soulmate AU: Most of the AU stuff is lumped together elsewhere, but this one has a special place in the colder, more shrivelled bits of my heart. I’ve yet to see this used anywhere other than to justify someone’s OTP in universe and skipping all the, yknow, interesting stuff. Like there’s enough of it out there that I’m sure someone has made an actually good fic out of this. But not for me.

Bang or Die: Save it for the hentai, you horny fucks.

Sex Pollen: I don’t know what this is, but I don’t like the sound of that.

Miscommunication: Do you want to read a 100000 word fanfic based around the absolute worst trope in romantic “comedy”? I sure as fuck don’t!

 Bad tier

Amnesia fic: Jace Beleren is the only character who gets away with this shit, and even then I’m getting pretty sick of it. If I’m interested in reading about a character, I’d rather read about them, not the post-death-of-personality husk that inevitably leads to bad angst.

Arranged Marriage: Another shitty romance trope to force your leads together. Yawn.

Baby fic: When I was younger I ended up seeing Just Go With It in cinemas for stupid reasons and it’s just this and it wasn’t good

Sharing a bed: I’m not sure what this refers to, unless it’s like, being forced to share a bed because shenanigans, hilarity ensues, which doesn’t sound like the best time.

Pregnancy fic: This is not my kink.

Love Triangle: I’ve seen this play out in real life and it’s ugly, and those examples were relatively low-key. Maybe once I read one that turns into a polyamorous throuple I’ll change my mind.

Mutual Pining/Unrequieted Love: Part of the problem with a lot of the media that gets romantic fanfiction is that they never actually bite the bullet with the romance, just tease that shit for years and years. I’m not sure why you’d want more of that for your wish-fulfillment.

Meh tier

Fix-it-Fic: Undoubtedly whoever is writing these have a different definition of “fixed” than I do. My main issue with these, however, is that a lot of them are for things with perfectly fine endings that just didn’t have the ship they wanted or were not a happily ever after. With that in mind, some of them are pretty golden (TLCstuck comes to mind).

Angst/Hurt and Comfort: I graduated from angsty teenager to depressed adult a long time ago.

Bodyswap: Your Name is overrated. (editor’s note, Raderph has never seen Your Name.)

Crackfic: The most hit or miss thing on this entire list. Good crackfics can be absurdist brilliance, bad ones are late 00’s randumb but somehow worse. With that in mind, crack ships can be a lot of fun.

All these generic-ass AUs: Man I gotta probe someone’s mind who’s into this stuff, because it’s never appealed to me. If I’m looking at an AU, I’d much rather it be characters in an actually interesting scenario or world rather than just Starbucks or Hogwarts with the serial numbers filed off. Throw ‘em in Mad Max or something, not Jane Austen. You get the idea.

Huddle for Warmth: As a Perth bloke who’s never experienced snow this is completely unrelatable to me.

Enemies/Friends to Lovers: Look I’m a refined homestuck fan we perfected this shit 10 years ago.

Dark Fic: Another hit or miss one, but unfortunately the majority of them are pizza cutters. All edge, no point.

First Kiss: Romantic awkwardness can be cute, but my cringe threshold is often too low for the high school shenanigans this tends to entail. With that said, I’m writing about fanfiction tropes on my tumblr blog, so maybe the cringe was inside me all along.

Time Loop: This is in meh because I genuinely don’t think I’ve ever stumbled across it in fanfiction but also I can’t imagine it’s done well that often.

 Ok tier

Gen fic: …doesn’t this just mean a fanfic that isn’t a crossover or a shipping fic? That this is separate here implies that it’s notable when a fic isn’t one of those things, which…. is depressingly fair.

Crossover: Lotta bad ones out there. Lotta good ones. If it’s a crossover with two things I really like I’m probably gonna enjoy it, and some- particularly those where it’s basically just an AU with characters from one universe slotted into another- work nicely imo.

Humor: why is this a tag yes I like it when things are funny a lot of people aren’t going to be funny though

Major Character Death: Fuck me up. I wanna cry motherfucker.

Slow Burn: I can’t even justify liking this to be honest. I think it’s a lot like how slice of life anime go, where its just characters you like doing things and slowly developing characterwise and relationshipwise. Which if you like it you like it.

Fluff: Fuck me up. I wanna cry motherfucker. (but of joy)

In vino veritas: This is a pretty dumb trope but I can’t help but enjoy it. Sloppy drunken makeouts into morning after oh god what have I done is extremely unfun in real life but pretty funny when it happens to someone else.

Missing scenes: But what if I want to see what happens when Barry gets his pokemon’s teeth kicked in by Jupiter, huh? This is just wish fulfillment for trivia/minutiae nerds, which unfortunately I am one of.

Fake relationship: Another dumb trope that I cannot defend. It’s a cute dynamic that often really works. don’t judge meeeeee

 Good tier:

Established Relationship: If I want to read about my ship, I want to read about them being in a relationship, which means that if it was already established and we could skip all the BS that’d be great……… is this so hard

Unhappy ending: Fuck me u-okay not doing that a third time. Sometimes you’re sad and you want somewhere to put that sad. With that in mind, the meta-unhappy ending, AKA a great fic that hasn’t been updated in years (I could name a few…dozen) is the worst fanfiction trope and I want it to go away.

Canon Divergence: I find “What if” a lot more interesting that fix-it stuff because the former has variety. It’s really interesting to see events from a story divert and follow different beats, so long as those beats make sense to the overall context.

 God tier:

Porn without plot: Presented without comment.

[macklives]

session 62 end

did we just hit like a fucking dead end with the kids, like a bad ending to the game????? and we gotta restart that shit in order to just pretend it never existed??? to show the readers that things CAN go wrong from here on out and the kids have to be careful?? that its not just a game anymore?? that fuck- ive watched doctor who, ik all that doomed timeline bullshit and we cant save them sort of dealio but seriously

why? why are we here? why is this happening??? (good question, i dont have an answer)

was john following GC’s advice the start to this whole alt ending or smth?

like i really want to continue but i have work in the early morning and i feel this will take a while and i dont want to quit randomly in the middle of the explanation as to what happened to john/jade and how dave will fix this all with his new time powers and whatnot. god i want to say how cool that is, and expand on the game giving them fucking powers of all things but...

im also a little distraught

i.... dont even know what to say. im upset lol.

because uhhhh john is dead.

like he’s actually dead. 

and so is jade... presumably. but honestly, she probably is. which fucking sucks ass. since john wasnt there to help her out on her session which probably left her stranded. GOD THATS SAD NO WHAT THE FUCK

wait no, the saddest part i think is how dave/rose had to deal with it. how theyre only 13 and they had to see their friends die. they had to spend 4 months on a game where it was only the two of them and they probably couldnt carry on without jade/john which means there was no getting out of the medium. dave was stuck on lava land for that long. is there even water??? kid could be so dehydrated oh my god.

fuck

4 months

4 months of that bullshit

AND DAVE PROBABLY BLAMED HIMSELF WHAT THE FUCK HE LET JOHN GO WITH IT, HE SAID ILL SEE YOU LATER AND DIDNT STOP ANYTHING. I TOLD YOU SOMETHING BAD WOULD HAPPEN I JUST DIDNT REALIZE IT WAS THIS FUCKING BAD. I THOUGHT ON THE LINES OF JOHN SURVIVES BUT JUST GETS INTO SOME SHIT YKNOW. NOT FUCKING DEATH. AND DAVE HAD 4 MONTHS OF PROBABLY SAYING IT WAS HIS FAULT OH MY GOD HERE IT IS THE TEARS HAVE COME OH GREAT THIS IS FUN I LOVE CRYING

fuck

and i have to sleep now

and i have to process this

and i have to like

maybe mourn idk

i have work tmr lmfao

maybe i can say im grieving and get the shift off

anyways, so that whole plan GC made... she basically doomed john. she killed him. idk if she knew what she was doing or simply didnt understand what would happen but decided “hey this seems alright with no consequences” and then fucked herself over. but still. im guessing this is her fault. man, i was really starting to like her too wtf. 

what kind of messed up fucking game is this?? god. dave didnt want to play it at first. god, rose probably feels like shit too bc she was the one who pressured the boys in playing it during act 1. and now shes gonna cease to exist?? literally stop. just no. hussie rewrite this pls, ill pay you like the only $20 i have.

THEYRE   T H I R T E E N     MAN I CANT STRESS THAT ENOUGH

and ik its gonna be okay but that did just happen and its not as if we’re just going to forget it was a thing simply bc the time got reversed. idk.

im gonna sleep this off i think. 

hh

goodnight guys.

[jawnjendes]

shawn meets... | sapphire

SUMMARY: in the life of a rockstar, shawn mendes comes across some unique people. sometimes, things stray from the norm. (AU, shawn x every one of my oc’s)(continuation/spin off of goth gf)

AN: it REALLY feels like shawnblr is fuckign dead but yknow what its spooky szn so death is acceptable! speaking of spooky, this is another for @fourtristattoos spooky writing fest! i swear im building up to actual spooky stuff pls bear with me oh and theres more smut in this

***let me know if you wanna be added to the taglist

previous chapter

sapphire’s blog | sapphire’s playlist | masterlist

Shawn was quite open to wearing anything these days. He was also open to wearing nothing, but that photoshoot opportunity hasn't come yet, though. But this pastel pink and white suit was a bit much. Actually, the sparkly silver boots were the tackiest part of this getup. Sure, the entire outfit was worth more than all three of his guitars he'd be using during the performance, but he wasn't exactly looking forward to resembling the Had To Do It To 'Em guy when he took off the pink blazer. According to Tiffany, the birthday girl wanted all party entertainers to be in her signature color.

He still hadn't met Sapphire Venus Lilith. This performance was for her, and she hadn't even attended the meetings for it. She was apparently busy with an old friend… catching up in her bedroom. For two straight days.

The yard was full of partygoers already. Tables with hot pink clothes were displayed with all sorts of snacks and drinks. Servers were going around tending to guests, all in pink bowties of course. There was also a raised, pink metallic throne in the middle of the yard, surrounded by 2 burly security guards. The throne was right in front of the stage that Shawn was going to perform on, so he wouldn't miss Sapphire in the crowd. Music was already booming through the large speakers, a Little Mix song that reminded him of a different time. The bass was shaking the window Shawn was looking out of.

“Fan of myself, I’m stanning myself I love me so much I put my hands on myself”

Tiffany was fixing the cuffs on Shawn’s blazer. Anna was doing last minute touch ups to his hair, which was slicked back. It was similar to the 2019 Met Gala, but instead of bronze streaks, it was silver glitter that was definitely going to be a bitch to wash out.

“You nervous?” Tiffany asked.

“Excited,��� Shawn corrected. “I missed playing shows.”

“We need to get you on tour again.” She smiled.

“Gotta make a record first.”

There was a sudden knock on the door, making all three of them jump. Shawn made eye contact with Tiffany, and they both chuckled at the ridiculous response.

Anna went to answer, since the door was locked. “It’s probably Andrew, wondering if you’re ready.” She opened the door, and let out a surprised, “Hello! Hi, come on in!”

Just by the change in her tone, it was safe to say it wasn't Andrew who had knocked. Shawn turned to see who had come in, and was first met with a powerful flowery scent, followed by a tall, petite woman.

“Make way for the G-O-double D-E-S-S I spare no enemies in this dress Uh huh, uh huh”

This woman was blonde, curled princess locks cascading down her shoulders. On top of her head was the largest and most extra looking sparkling tiara Shawn had ever seen in his life, but it suited her. Her face was soft with pretty pink lips and piercing blue eyes. Her petite body was clad in a tiny top made of soft pink bedazzles and equally tiny shorts of the same color. There was no other way to describe her as anything but beautiful. Knock-the-wind-out-of-me, step-on-me-in-your-white-Louboutins beautiful.

She was followed by Kat, who was the polar opposite, color wise. Tight black dress, long dark hair in a high ponytail. Unlike her employer, she was not smiling, nor giving Shawn any attention. She merely typed on her phone in a professional manner, the same look Andrew would have when he was texting important people.

Shawn couldn’t even think about the potential awkward tension he would have with Kat because he was too busy gaping at the blonde. How was one person so powerful already?

“Hello, I’m Sapphire,” she greeted, holding out her hand.

Something possessed Shawn the moment he touched her soft skin, and he bent down to kiss her hand.

That seemed to please her, because she grinned, showing the tiniest dimple in her cheek. “You’re my little singer tonight, aren’t you?”

“That’s me,” he replied, almost losing his voice by how much it softened. He really couldn’t stop looking into those eyes. “Happy birthday!”

“Oh thanks, love. I can’t wait to see what you’re gonna do for me.” She was still holding his hand, squeezing ever so slightly.

Shawn’s cheeks heated up so goddamn fast. There was something in those worse, something sickly sweet and intoxicating. “I, uh, I think you’ll like it. I hope you do.”

Sapphire was still smiling as she turned to look at Kat. Wordlessly, the assistant went to Tiffany and Anna, chatting them in on the evening’s events. Then, Sapphire took Shawn by the collar of his blazer and stepped closer to him, her glossy lips at his ear.

“If I really love your gig,” she whispered, “I may give you something extra.”

And yeah, his pants got tighter. Good thing he was going to be holding a guitar all night.

Sapphire leaned back, smoothing the area she had been clinging to. “If it’s okay with you, of course.”

He cleared his throat, trying to calm his body. “Uh, no yeah. Yeah. Yes. Very okay.”

“Wonderful, darling! I’ll see you out there. Come along, KitKat!”

With that, she turned on her heel and left the room, Kat in tow.

Shawn immediately plopped down in the nearest chair, starstruck. He’s never seen nor heard of this girl ever in his life, and somehow she managed to turn him into putty within the first few minutes of meeting him.

“You need anything?” Tiffany asked, trying to mask her amusement. “A glass of water? A cold shower perhaps?”

He blushed even more. He’s never been so flustered so fast, let alone from someone he just met.

“Did I say happy birthday to her?” he asked, dazed.

“Yes,” Anna and Tiffany said at the same time.

Then, Brian entered the room, a dopey grin on his face. “Guess who just met the birthday girl!”

“Shawn did,” Tiffany answered.

Brian’s grin vanished. “What? Man, I thought I was the first one! She’s so…”

“Yeah,” Shawn agreed. Then he got up and took his friend to the side. “Dude, she wants to meet up after my set.”

“No way.”

“I swear.”

“Didn’t you just hook up with her assistant?” Brian asked. “You’d think she caught wind of that.”

Shawn didn’t know, nor did he really care. “That’s why I need you to hit up the assistant. I don’t know if she’s hung up on me or anything and I don’t wanna take that chance.”

Brian made a noise between a scoff and a laugh. “Full of ourselves, are we?”

“Please?” Shawn asked, bringing his hands together.

“Well, what if I want Sapphire and not her stuck up assistant?”

This wouldn’t be the first time Shawn asked Brian to distract a former one night stand. But it was the one time Brian wasn’t agreeing to do it. Shawn put his hands down, surprised and mildly annoyed.

“Kat’s not stuck up, trust me,” he said. “And… Sapphire said she wants me. It’s her choice.”

“I’m not taking your leftovers again, man,” Brian said as he folded his arms. “You always get the girl! Let me have something for once!”

Now Shawn was even more annoyed. “Maybe you’d get something too if-”

“If I was a famous popstar? If I was as good as you?”

“Why are you being such a dick?”

Then, Tiffany stepped in, literally. She stood between Shawn and Brian. “Guys, don’t do this. It’s just one girl.”

Brian ignored her. “I’m being a dick because I’m tired of being an extension of you! I’m being a dick because you’ve taken dates from me! You don’t even give a shit about any of them because you can’t get over-”

“Don’t!” Shawn warned, raising his voice.

Brian narrowed his eyes. “You’re not over Annalise Flores!”

“Who?” Tiffany asked, bewildered.

Paralyzed with anger, Shawn glared at the other man. The man who was supposed to be his friend. Why couldn’t he just do him this solid?

“Get out,” he said venomously.

“You know I’m right,” Brian sneered.

“Get the fuck out!” Shawn yelled.

He scoffed as he stormed out. Shawn huffed out a sigh, wanting to punch something.

“What the hell was that?” Anna asked, utterly confused. “Who’s Annalise Flores?”

“It doesn’t matter,” he grumbled. “Can you bring me Jocelyne?”

One quick shoulder rub and a redress later, Shawn’s disgruntled state eased a little bit. It was enough for him to fully focus on the beautiful lady he had to impress.

~

The set went well. It went great, because not long after leaving the stage, Charles the butler found Shawn and led him up to Sapphire’s bedroom. Shawn didn’t get to see much of the party, but that was very, one hundred percent okay.

Most of the mansion's interior was baby pink, but this was an overload. Shawn wandered around the large, pink bedroom as he waited. The walls were made of soft pink felt, and there was a large, sparkling chandelier hanging from the ceiling. The desk against the wall was the same color, along with the laptop and picture frames sat on the surface. The photos in the frames were only of the girl he was waiting for. There was no room for modesty apparently. Shawn was never not going to think of the birthday girl whenever he saw this color.

He went over to the king size bed, draped with the softest velvet covers he's ever felt. The headboard was a metallic pink… with bars. Shawn couldn't deny how exciting that felt. He really couldn't believe someone as breathtakingly attractive as Sapphire could possibly want him.

"Didn't know it was my birthday," he mumbled with a smirk.

"What was that?" a soft, female voice said from behind him.

Shawn jumped as he turned around. There stood the birthday girl, Sapphire, blue eyes wide and expectant.

"Uh, I, I didn't hear you come in," he stammered. Way to keep your cool.

She smiled warmly, fixing the silk robe she was wearing. She was quick to get out of her tight little party outfit, but she still had that sparkly tiara resting on her head. Shawn couldn’t help but notice the perky little nipples poking through the thing material, only adding to the burn in his pants.

Wordlessly, Sapphire moved past Shawn and crawled onto the bed, letting him get a view of her ass. He was about to follow, but her high heel clad foot landed gently on his chest, stopping him.

"Take off your clothes," she ordered, her voice still soft.

Shawn had a feeling he shouldn't challenge her, even though that was something he grew to love and get off on. As he unbuttoned his shirt, he felt his face and chest grow warm; Sapphire's gaze was intimidating, she didn't even blink. She looked at his face, trailing down his body as he removed more of his performance clothes. Her tongue peeked out of the corner of her mouth as she watched him drop his briefs and step out of them. Shawn felt mildly embarrassed that he was already hard, but just looking at Sapphire's pretty features made him this way. She already possessed him without even doing a single thing.

And somehow, he couldn't tell if she wanted to fuck him or eat him.

"Don't be shy," Sapphire told him as she curled her finger to get him to join her.

She moved to the side and patted the center of the mattress. Shawn crawled onto the surface and lied down against the pillows. The velvet sheets felt incredibly soft against his skin, heightening his senses.

Sapphire traced the butterfly tattoo on his bicep. The tip of her manicured fingernail left a tiny trail of fire on Shawn's skin.

"I'm so glad you were able to sing at my party," she told him. "And I'm glad you stayed."

"Me too," Shawn replied, trying to keep his voice steady. "Really, really glad."

"I can tell." She glanced down his body, making him blush.

Shawn really wanted to touch her, feel her, learn what makes her tick. He couldn't wait any longer, and it made him feel incredibly juvenile. He hasn't been so easily wound up since his university days.

"Saph-" he tried to say but a finger went over his lips.

"Shh, I know, baby boy." She leaned in close, her nose touching his ear. "I know what you want." Then she gently cupped his chin and turned his head towards hers. "I just need to know how far you're willing to go."

Shawn could barely hear himself. "As far as you want."

Sapphire's glossy pink lips curved up as she leaned in closer. Shawn closed his eyes, taking in her intoxicating flowery scent, craning his neck in the slightest, and then he felt her lips press the quickest kiss on his cheek.

He didn't even have time to breathe before she was straddling his thighs. Smooth hands went up his torso and rested on his broad shoulders, and she was hovering over him. Shawn lifted his hands to cup her pretty face, but she was much faster than him. Sapphire grabbed his wrists and pinned them down.

"No touching," she told him, her voice still soft and borderline innocent. "Understand?"

Shawn nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat.

She cupped his chin once again, her blue eyes piercing his brown ones. "Use your words."

"I understand."

"Good boy." She patted his cheek. Then, she moved down his body, to his hard cock.

Breathing out, Shawn braced himself for what was about to happen. His eyes fluttered shut as a soft, warm tongue ran up the length, and then his whole cock was engulfed by her soft mouth. His immediate instinct was to place his hands in Sapphire's hair, but he had to follow her single rule. But she also had a lot of pretty blonde hair, and it was covering her face. Shawn couldn't see her mouth move on him, and he really wanted to.

Just as he lifted his hand, Sapphire sat up again, taking in a breath. She looked Shawn in the eyes as she wiped the corner of her mouth.

"I know you wanna touch me," she muttered. "But you'll have to prove that you're gonna listen to me."

He nodded rapidly, and then she was going down on him again. Shawn breathed out a soft moan at the feeling, his fingers curling around the silk sheets. It felt amazing, way too good to be real. His toes curled as he felt her mouth suction lightly, tingles spreading all throughout his body. Tiny little whimpers came out of him as the tingles persisted, causing Sapphire's blue eyes to flicker up to him as she pulled off once again.

"You are so cute," she said, reaching up to cup his chin. "Most guys don't like to make little noises like that. Keep it up."

He couldn't stop the sounds even if he tried.

Sapphire sat up and turned her body, straddling Shawn's thighs. She pushed her robe back from the bottom, letting the smooth material spread over her partner's torso. Shawn felt his cock on her ass, and resisted the urge to move his hips up. He had to be good, had to do exactly what she said.

"So, what do you prefer, little one?" she asked, moving her ass back and rubbing against his cock. "I'm on the pill, but I have condoms here if you want that."

"Mm, no condom," he answered a little too quickly, feeling the need for relief.

Her head turned, so he could see her perfectly sculpted eyebrow quirk a little bit. Then, she sat up on her knees, taking hold of the base and swiftly sinking down on it. She let out a little hiss, and remained still in that position.

"You oka-" Shawn almost got out before choking on his words.

Sapphire very quickly recovered and started bouncing on him. For a moment, the only sound was their skin slapping together, until she pinched his thigh.

“Where are my little sounds, little one?” she asked between pants.

Shawn found himself blushing yet again. What was with that nickname? What did that say about what she thought of him? He was about to ask, but he saw the back of Sapphire’s robe fall, exposing her skin. She was naked under that little robe, and she wasn’t letting him see anything. It was a tease, and only drove him further, causing a little moan to bubble past his mouth.

“That’s it,” she praised, leaning forward on her hands so as to get better leverage. She was practically twerking on his cock, making him want to grab the plump cheeks.

Obscene noises of their skin slapping and Shawn's moaning filled up the room. Sapphire was incredibly talented with her hips, keeping the rhythm steady, and she didn't stop or slow down. The coil in Shawn's abdomen was tightening more and more every minute, making his heart race and his breath hitch.

He rested his hands behind his head, eyes squeezed shut from the feeling. Fuel to the fire were Sapphire's first sounds of the evening. Shawn picked his head up and noticed her arm moving rhythmically in front of her, and he immediately knew what she was doing. God, he wanted see that, and she probably knew that too. She probably picked this position on purpose.

Even after a shaky orgasm, Shawn was still thinking about the ways he wanted to take her. All the things he wanted to do with her. His body was weak and sweaty, and he was catching his breath while Sapphire fixed her robe and plopped down next to him.

Like Kat, she still looked well put together, like all she did was go for a casual stroll. Not even sweating or panting. Sapphire did all the work and all she did was dab at her leftover lip gloss with her finger afterwards.

Shawn was a little confused at this. Why was he the only fucked out mess here? He lifted a hand, his fingers gently touching Sapphire's blonde locks to get her attention.

"Was that good for you?" he asked.

She nodded with a smile. "You did everything right, babe." Then, she took his arm and wrapped it around her shoulders, and she lied her head on his chest. "Hell, I might even keep you here a bit longer than planned."

Whatever the fuck that meant, Shawn didn't really give a shit. Looking down at the beautiful socialite in his arms, he realized he wasn't prepared to leave either. And he certainly wasn't thinking of Brian, or his ex-girlfriend.

next chapter

_______

taglist: @normalcyisoverrated-beyou @justordinaryjen @chillingbythesea @iloveshawnieboi @shawnsunflower @someoneunimportantxx

[theskyexists]

empress ki

are these koreans gonna go as far as to let this man fall for who he thinks is just some young cool guy?

i mean - they’re not chinese so

this is kinda silly lol. if she really wanted to be let go she could have just punched him. i guess that would have gone too far

this RANDOM assassin almost kills them - he disappears. we good. no worries.

where are her own men????

NOOOOO don’t ruin it

why the fuck would she have developed a feminine slap? i think theyre gonna ruin it. like contact with a male love interest will just forcibly feminise you

ok no she came up with an excuse

god - an openhanded slap from another man lol i can see how that might be quite offensive

she just chills in the crown prince’s bath no prob lol. ok so she locked the door

she just let herself get fuckin shot for this lol

this episode moves super fast but thats fun but i still don’t know how the king and the crown prince are related. the whole hostage thing really messed things up

i just realised that i love the bro/bro mlm stuff if its actually m/f. LOL.and I KNOW it’s going to only last one fuckin episode bc we’re gonna go right back to misgyny and chattel slavery especially for women but yknow

does she remember him?? did she send the bandana? i dont know on which side she really is.

yeah ofc shes the bandana guy. i mean - DUH.

WHY RISK YOUR OWN MEN - WHAT WAS THE PLAN

is this spy gonna get her bandana now???

or are these not her own guys?? THEY ARE

is she playing the king?? like - im still trustworthy though!!!! (or at least my men are) but how could she think to rely on the crown prince???

oh no the cool big sword moustache guy!!! why would he be the spy for the king????????????? what is there to gain??????? HE’S NOT THANK GOD

YES!!!! I LOVE THEM. ‘hit me’ BAM *violently and romantically perches over him to almost stab him*

aww haha the king is attached to seung nyang. too bad you’re an evil bastard she wants to destroy

i can’t quite tell why revealing the salt location drop off point is important or not. i guess it was just and only a test.

was that the guy in blue who volunteered to be shot at? : ‘( ah it’s not.its just some nobody. I guess she couldn’t have known who knew of her blue bandana so she had to hide it. But couldn’t she have told this guy from the very beginning when they were alone?

did the official guard not get told that more people were coming???? LOL. that’s one fuckin mess

HEROIC HORSERIDING YEAAAAAAAA did she not think of a reason for being alive? ‘kill me’ OH MY GOD hahahahaa. smart but so risky (it turns out that the crown prince is the crown prince but the king is the brother of his dad’s)

is there something you want? I THOUGHT YOU WANTED MONEY oh my god this guy is gambling it all lol. oh no, he’s gonna make it too.

it’s always the ‘unrightful’ people that get villainised for wanting power

what the fuck her dad’s gonna kill all her friends and make her into a sex slave? jezus christ how dark (i read a synopsis that she gets sent to yuan after all somehow). on who’s fucking authority? couldn’t they have gotten at the very least a letter from the goddamn ‘auditor’ to protect them

oh my god. just wear your fucking ring on the outside of your goddamn clothes. that was so FUCKING close

wow that was a pretty realistic breakdown

GO SEE HIM HELLO!!!!

she became a fucking COP TO SEE HIM HOLY SHIT LOL

JUST SHOW HIM THE FUCKING RING

did she just leave her band of boys behind???

dude why is this series romance blocking me what the fuck

gotta show that Yuan is backward through furs and beads!!

i do love that this series had the guts to start off with heartbreak. but also to let the female protagonist be a big bi....amorous...?

this show somehow made me feel sympathetic towards a stinkin imperial rich kid. he didn’t ask to be born into a family that would become his death

‘young boy’ *is literally at least 40*

the KING has only 10 men to spare? really?

he’s gonna let his servant get fucking murdered in his stead? yikes. ok so that wasn’t his PLAN no. poor servant guy

so they got her a MATCH - a dirven and smart and powerful king. and a soft and unexperienced and endangered future emperor.

this is so much my fucking THING it’s insane. i don’t even mind that the king is kinda ...average looking.

and she kicks his ASS LOL. and he falls ultimately deeply in love with her. this is incredible.

i wonder if she’s going to hold the death of his servant against him

they didn’t even take his head? stupid. oh i guess that’s for the traitors.

SHE STILL DOESN’T GET ITS REALLY HIM. I THOUGHT SHE WAS SMART

really - she lets the fucking chief get the credit. are you fucking kidding me? fuck this. be smarter! hate having to say that to a character. Be! smarter!

now he gets to be WHY HIDE FROM YOUR BOYFRIEND WHAT THE FUCK. if this is gonna be the whole fuckign show i can’t take it.

im gonna need to know if she keeps fucking hiding. stop hiding! STOP. stop hiding from the important men in your life! what the FUCK. stop hiding from your dad. Stop HIDING FROM YOUR FUCKING BESTO BOYFRIEND

the prince isn’t even upset about his servant’s demise

fucking finally somebody found out seung nyang was the ONE

I love Strong King - I love vulnerable future Emperor

he’s just a stupid indoctrinated kid! somebody should explain to him all the horrors that have been done to people in his name!

we have a sequence in which she’s done great deeds, gets called in, is concerned about how she slapped the important person around lol

we’re gonna get teh exact same for Togon one day

jezus christ that’s a very romantic thing to say to a cool and heroic young guy who saved your skin twice, king. are you - i n l o v e? a lil bromance perhaps?

awww he’s so damn happyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

she’s like - fuck. wish she stayed a little more ruffian though. wheres the fucking swagger!

how am i so into this m/m ship. LOL. im really into this stronk man and rogueish ‘boy’ bonding through hardship crisis crossing all rank

im up for her teaching the prince compassion and horror and the way of the world though

I KNOW this is soon going to devolve into a palace drama though so that fucking sucks

why is the emperor a young guy and the brother an old guy. was the emperor the preferred son? from the preferred wife?

has she never heard a guy pee??? i thought she lived with soldiers and shit

why the fuck is she carrying his excrement to the sea when she’s his BODYGUARD. this went differently than i thought

he literally is alone. there is no shift of the guard with him. hello?

what the fuck is this lax bodyguard shit. you need at LEAST two so one can sleep while the other guards.

everytime she bathes im like - ALARM ALARM

this jimbo traitor is so stupid lol

commander - just approach this stupid idiot. be the dad you want to be.

you could just become his son!!! hello????

so you really care about the peoplle huhg? thats why you keep selling off women?

oh my god. is the prince also falling in love with this ‘boy’? who embodies the masculine ideal? GOD I LOVE THIS SO MUCH im gonna cry when this is over and she ends up a fucking maid

this romantic fucking epic music as they struggle in a petty fucking competition in teh surf jlsjLKFJSDLJ:FLDSF I LOVE THIS

SHE VIOLENTLY PERCHES ABOVE THIS GUY TOO. ROMANTIC MUSIC

the koreans KNOW what is good. THEY KNOW.

oh this poor guy. please let this guy meet poor people. like. idk. the stolen women made into slaves and shit

yeah yeah they bond without him knowing about losing a parent and wanting revenge

the king is like, MY BOY!! that’s MY boy!! hands off!!!! that’s my dearest bromance boy friend!!!!

oh no - shes going to have to choose who to ride with lol

oh nooooooooo Seung Nyang don’t hurt King boyfriend !

‘he will not take Seung Nyang, will he?’  i had to double take there

I FINALLY understand the appeal of all unassailable men in romance. god, my brain is weird.

give seung nyang to me. dsjfpawejfeawjfljsdkljldsjflkdfsa dude. no. i know this is a love triangle but it is just within good if they do THIS moment right

the prince is a horrible shit

nooooo seung nyang please don’t hurt the king!!! he loves you!!!!

‘why am i burning up inside?’ YOU LOVE HIM!! YOU LOVE SEUNG NYANG!!! you love this guy!!! the koreans are daring lil mfs

where is the ruffian guy with the moustache and big sword?? he was the king’s left hand man when he wasn’t king yet.

the actress has really feminised Seung Nyangs mannerisms and way of movement past few eps (oh it’s a dream)

oh my god they’re no-homo-ing this through a dream. he just FEELS like Seung Nyang is a woman!!! that’s why he’s attracted!!! lol

seung nyang loses her dad. prince doesn’t notice. jezus

he impressed some dudewith his self-righteous dragon heaven propaganda. goddddd. the prince truly does not care how many people have already died for him. WHEN will he become likeable instead of hilariously piteous

just absolutely devastating end scene. shitty k-pop outtro.o hgod

will the prince finally - through seung nyang realise that actaully it fucking sucks that people keep being horribly harmed and killed for his sake?

JEZUS CHRIST I AM ON EPISODE 5 wHAT THE FUCK THIS IS LIKE 60 episodes long. oh my god no.

the thing i like about this show is that she looks believably like a very feminine boy for korean standards.

they keep playing him as childish, selfish and incompetent. but like, soooo many people DIED FOR HIM

hwo didn’t they kill bayan for obviously killing their own guard lol

finally she confronts him with the regular people!!!

what is lord jang doing with them

wow the commander’s beard is long. they been going for a while

well he is suffering - but can’t she get to him through words. make him a better person?

he is asking an important question. ANSWER IT GODDAMNIT

thsi ‘warming’ is so ridiculous haahahaha

*has full view of covered breasts* ‘he is definitely a boy!!!!’

i don’t know what sexuality politics this is - probably very bad ones - if you’re a straight man then you’re attracted to some fundamental femaleness in women!! or something

why is a bite mark evidence

god - these powerful people have enormous egos. they must, it is bred in them.i deserve power and when it is taken from me it sucks so much i can’t breathe!!! well uh yeah - everybody feels that way you ain’t special

she looks so sick

feels empathy for the first time ever. what a wonderful fantasy. that somebody could teach a prince empathy

*goes into town completely uncovered in royal robes which haven’t been weathered at all* ok

‘why did you hide you are a woman?’ what COMPLETE AND UTTER MALE NONSENSE

WOMEN ARE GETTING DRAGGED OFF TO BE SEX SLAVES AND YOU ASK THAT??? ‘sure, im sure you had your reasons’

WHAT FUCKING IDIOT

53:50

so she gets him in and then he betrays her? lol. but does it really matter? the king won’t be tried, there’s no reason for goryeo to be annexed. seung nyang won’t die. etc. he might as well go back to his deadly golden cage without endangering himself.

is it for her dad that she asks this of him? he faints, eh that’s a fine way out.

cant she hug a king back when he hugs her????? come ON

he almost killed his fucking son. these people are so CRAAAYYYZY

*leaves the people most likely to turn on him behind with the prince*

why does he have to reveal this?? what are the stakes here??”

goryeo’s soldiers???????????? what the fuck. i thought he was gonna come up with something clever like - pirates or something. not just ‘oh it was a random weirdo band of soldiers’ no -  ‘under the orders of the king’

WHAT. hes throwing teh whole country to the wolves. if seung nyang doesn’t kill him ill be surprised. seung nyang better get him for this for a thousand fucking years.

so he’s even personally betraying seung nyang. for a tiny chance at power. damn. wow. damn wow.

jezus what a fucking way to leave your daughter! making your last exchange putting yourself down as a father. DUDE. could have ended shit in a better way!

anyway literally cried twice about her losing her dad already

anyway so they both die in her arms. great.

yeaaaaaaah swearing to kill him. good. too bad it’s gonna be like 50 eps of palace maid shit and the prince barely got a taste of poverty

really wonder how traumatising this whole - is revealed as a woman and transferred to the empire as a sex slave thing is going to be - for me i mean

‘he’s probably living well in his homeland’  - how could you trust that your orders will be followed???

this is completely unrealistic wow

doesnt she get a fucking horse

who the fuck was park bhu - the undercop?

oh apparently laughing ugly is an indication of evil for a woman. laughing maniacally is an indication of evil for a man

her archnemesis is gonna unmask her as a woman in public? i think i might have to quit this show at this exact moment.

aaand.....guess ill have to quit.

ok that wasn’t so bad

how did they have women’s silks and makeup with them

she’s literally a martial artist warrior and she can’t fight a rapist attacker with her hands free?

oh god. she’s gonna be all feminine now bc she looks like a girl. oh god. i feel kinda sick.

SHE SUDDENLY DOESN’T HAVE ANY BANGS ANYMORE BUT LONG HAIR

THAT COMB WAS MAGICAL

some classic ‘female body weak’ sexism. love getting that from the beau

i know they’re trying to make danashiri seem unsympathetic but she’s saying fuck you to sexism here. then again it’s because she’s a spoiled elite brat

they really are made for each other

holy shit. this series just goes on and on and on and on and on. i can’t do this.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

its just wild idk how to say the experience of just like...it being a wholeass fixture in your life that you’re gonna off urself...i guess in earlier times (almost been aware of being suicidal for a whole decade babes) it was also that i just...like assumed that my future was gonna involve some whole disaster that was going to wreck the whole damn thing idk. like i always knew i didnt have the kinda situation where i had somebody to fall back on no matter what & i did very much know that i had the kinda situation where if it looked like the identity ppl thought i had fell through and it turned out i wasnt thriving in all of this and actually just kinda miserable and on my own, instead of having ppl who would be There For Me No Matter What i had the ppl who would want nothing to do w me except for further beat me down..........so yeah i guess ive been feeling like my future was only Doom since like 12 def...maybe earlier if you look at it idk its like wondering when i was starting being depressed fulltime. probs like age 3 idk

anyhow the point is....hard to explain what its like having the constant sense that you don’t have a future thats good & in your control & something you want, or that even exists right. like sometimes i imagine thinking abt the future in the ways that other ppl might, in the way that you assume you’ve got a good while and that there’s things you’ll get to do that you like or you’ll pursue your ambitions or whatever and its weird i think about it for like 3.3 sec and its like tf.........its like when you get some kinda Aroma Memory where your brain remembers that smell from 18.6 yrs ago & you have a 0.62second window to try to think of where its from while you have some fleeting visual/emotive memory.......sometimes i’ll just have some kinda emotional echo from a less depressed life and its like ?????? havent had this feeling in this exact way for a minute. its weird its like lol this doesnt belong to me anymore..

anyways for another solid like.....6-7 yrs its been kind of “i’ll be surprised if i make it another yr alive” with various ups & downs in that level of surprise along the way.....more like a Down lately lmao its wild how impossible it seems to make it a few more days or weeks when youre having a worse day than usual, having an on avg Worse period that lasts for months & months and etc is just....wild baby. if you havent felt it for even a day its not something you can really imagine. if u know what its like to feel like ur gonna die for a longterm period then you know what it is..

like always, maybe this is my year baby!!! in terms of death. if im thinking abt maybe this is the year i suddenly Succeed on all fronts and i never again have to think about kms, then that’ll be a struck-by-lighting, same-shuffled-card-deck-order twice in a row, sheer chance out of nowhere. your life isnt steered towards goodness because you’re good enough or Only As Much As You Can Handle or anything and ive been too deep in it this whole time to have ever been set up to not get the rug pulled out from under me several times over and yknow once you fall down even once, unless you’re really solidly backed up, the odds arent in your favor about not getting continuously run over the rest of the time. wind isn’t really at ur back there.

like im so glad abt every person ive run into who ive had in my life for more than like 5 hrs and im lucky that i was at least born recently enough to have had the internet/texting mostly regularly from 14 y.o. onward.....if i didnt im sure i wouldve been......even so much more isolated than i was. l o l . . . . ive got to feel like some ppl care abt me which is nice and didnt happen too much before then. its also good i draw lmao coz besides for the most part thats how i talk the best & how i get in touch w most of the ppl who end up sticking around enough i talk to more than like a couple of times.....but tho of course ive never like, found arbitrary success in terms of either my own solo financial boon to transcend any and all problems or ever just like bonding w a bunch of ppl like ride or die for life baby. coz like.....why would i do either. if you werent born into financial stability, let alone wealth, and if you didnt just happen to pick up these deep unshakeable relationships along the way at times when it didnt really matter.....good luck picking those things up further along the way when stuffs even shittier. i may’ve been lucky w the internet/texting timing but i wasnt lucky w the financial crisis hit or really just being born after the 80s, economy wise......or lucky w being isolated socially since age 4 and always having to feel distanced from ppl coz i could sense the difference & stigma of being someone abused & miserable before i was even really that self aware of the extent of those things about me.........oh well. coz again w the internet and me happening to draw enough prior to age 14 that i was always considered “good” at it, and then finding that i like to draw fanart for myself lol....so i could at least connect w ppl some ways right. or via text posts sometimes lmao....and im lucky that the ‘net / having a phone gave me a medium for those things & being connected to some ppl. and im lucky im gay & not cis & got to figure that out & enjoy it coz thats the best thing abt me.......

anyways even if say life was perfect for me magically i still wouldnt be able to relate to seeing yourself pursue your ambitions coz like i always say...ive never really had those lmao. wasnt able to baby.....its like there’s always that idea that ppl whose life is defined by Survival, who’ve been exposed to trauma &/or abused, that if you drop them into a safe stable situation w/friends and all and whatever then suddenly they’ll be a “regular” person, like there’s some inherent core of everyone where they Know what its like to get to live in a healthy environment w a certain perspective on other ppl & how they’ll treat you, and if you just remove someone from bs they’ll just shift over to that Default that is like oh lol yeah im like everybody else. like nah its a whole different kind of world / life you’ve not even necessarily adapted to, maybe its what you grew in. and you can adapt to a better life & grow further in that but its not a matter of like “washing away” what came before....it can be an entirely separate thing. like if you haven’t experienced it you cant imagine it. i cant give someone a real sense of what its like to grow up within & live in an abusive place for decades. and i can’t guess who i would be if i’d grown up / lived in a completely different, better situation. coz thats a whole fundamental change from the start. it’d be such a different person that it wouldn’t even make sense to call it an alternate version of “me.”

well anyways i always feel like i’m bound to kms & that bad things are impending sooner than later & when they happen i’ll get a new set of incoming bad shit to feel bearing down & etc & i dont have things i want except a cessation of living under dread & feeling like my existence is in the way & theres ppl around i gotta be on my guard for & i’m only gonna kms eventually here, theres a long lifespan & for being to off yourself at any given time, also im jealous of ppl who’ve had a nicely sized friend group where they’ve always been able to hang out w one person at least whenever they wanted to / needed to. at least i’m gay, baby. i honestly do feel like that tweet where its like i cant kill myself b/c what if im a straight guy in my next life? @ god i cant do it. like lmao for real though......in my past life maybe i was an 80s gay. syke if i have a past life it was probably a cat. maybe a cat of an 80s gay. i can only hope

[sweetnestor]

the great holiday depression 2k17 (hc’s)

so in stone cold, i pointed out how bella’s mood really slumps during the holiday season, so let’s see what she gets up to this year, and how those around her try to help

at first she doesnt notice her decline bc now that she’s apart of teamiplier(tm) she’s a little busier and more distracted

she’s still recovering emotionally from That Thing That Happened On Tour (coming soon), so when she’s finally alone and not working she just,,,,,,,

she doesn’t crash or have a meltdown like last time. no no, not this time. just bear with me.

“boy am i tired i think ill lie down for a little bit” *cue a 4 hour death nap*

maybe she wakes up to a text from jack or ethan

OH and jack’s not living with her anymore at this time and she tries not to pay a lot of attention to the empty bedroom in her apartment

honestly some of this Gloom comes from missing her best friend and not being able to hang out with him everyday like they were both in the same position and they grew closer and now theyre living separate lives

“hey stoopid i miss u” types it out, then deletes it. jack is probably busy, and bella figured that if signe saw that she probably wouldnt approve

however, after her death nap, bella finds that jack texted her first :’)

they talk for a little bit, he asks her how she’s doing and what not and bella just

*i was really fucking sad last year and i cant stop thinking about it like i know that things are super different and a lot better now but im still just :(((((((((* “im doing good!! hows it going over there??”

the only people who would Know why bella gets kinda down this time of year is jack or mark, and well,,,, mark is off doing his own thing,,,, and jack is an ocean away

this Gloom kind of intensifies when ethan talks to bella about christmas

“youre coming home with me right??” “why??????” “...because i want you there..? and my family wants you there..?”

she’s never envied him over the family thing (yknow,,, his family has always been so good and supportive while hers dont even speak to her) but now,,,,,,,,, it’s kind of pushing her buttons

“so i’d have to get on a plane for the fourth or fifth time this year??” “i already got us tickets :( would you rather just spend christmas alone?” “i have for the last few years”

needless to say they fight, and ethan goes back to his apartment fuming and shit and bella just,,,,, doesnt??? care????

this happens right before thanksgiving, another holiday she dreads

there is a Very Teamiplier Thanksgiving dinner at,,,, one of their houses idek and it really takes a lot for bella to push herself out of bed to go

but she does it anyway, despite the sad thoughts circling her head (and also bc they would all kick her door down and drag her out by the ankles if she decided to sit this one out)

last year she was only with jack, who had ditched his other friends to hang out with her. she still feels guilty about it.

people are posting pictures with their families all over social media and it just makes her resentfully roll her eyes

she cant even remember the last proper thanksgiving she had and even though she wants nothing to do with her relatives anymore, the fact that she cant remember her last birthday, thanksgiving, or xmas with them kinda bugs her

but being around ethan, kathryn, mark, amy, and tyler helps a little bit. it’s hard to be down when she’s around them.

the dinner doesnt go terribly (it was fun actually), aside from the minor tension between bella and ethan, but she talks to him later on and they make up, but she still doesnt say yes to going home with him for xmas

ethan starts to figure out why when december hits and his girlfriend refuses to go out with him or their friends. he also notices the xmas decorations just about everywhere except for bella’s apartment

come to think of it, he didn’t know if she was a holiday lover or a total grinch until now

hes just thinking about it just after she texted him that she was going to nap for a little bit instead of going to dinner with him and then, ‘OH!!! holy shit how could i forget???’

theyve been together for almost a year now (holy f u c k) and she still hasnt talked a lot about what went down with her relatives all those years ago, and he doesnt want to pressure her, but its really affecting the way she acts around him and it kinda sucks?????

so lets see,,,,,,,  ethan gets a pizza for the both of them and he goes to her place while she’s death napping

except shes not death napping, shes just lying on the couch watching reruns of greys anatomy or something

“you didn’t have to come over” “the couple who naps together, stays together!! have u eaten?? u should eat and then we’ll slip into the sickest coma together!!”

ofc that doesnt make everything magically go away. its never like that.

bella opens up to her therapist abt this funk and they start to work on it. she doesn’t want a repeat of new year’s. or a repeat of summer 2016.

eventually she comes around to ethans request. she’s had to rationalize it: “i’ve met his family before. i’ve been to his house in maine before.”

so they go when the time comes.

[stigma-taes]

In Detail BTS Theory: V is a Devil

After rewatching all the BTS music videos, I had a ton of ideas and I’ve got alot to say about all the boys’ characters in this universe and mutiple theories for the verse as a whole. But this post will specifically focus on my boy Kim Taehyung and how he falls into sin, faces his judgement for it, ends up in hell and then becomes a straight up Demon. Im paying attention to specifically on the I Need U, Run, On Stage Prologue, Stigma, and Blood Sweat and Tears videos in this one. It’s gonna be long so ill put it under a cut, feel free to add on or tell me what you think!! 

Taehyung’s character’s story starts real quick right here with this moment in I Need U, where he straight up kills a guy:

u can see him here, just before he enters the room he grabs something off a table nearby (A bottle, maybe?)

and then he approaches this asshole (who was just beatin up a girl in the room)

and then raises his hand, obviously about to hit this guy REALLY hard, judging by how high his arm is raised and the force with which he’s heading toward this guy and hes aiming for the head/neck area. 

Goin in for a fatality.

It can be assumed that he did kill this guy because, when we look at the On Stage Prologue, it opens directly on tae looking solemn, crying and:

Covered in blood. 

He’s wearing the same clothes as in the I Need U video, and i think it’s also pretty safe to assume that blood isnt his own. There’s way too much of it and he doesn’t seem to be hurt at all. V totally killed that guy or at least fucked him up real bad. And either way, whether it be an assault or murder, both are sins. Both of which are one of the seven deadly sins: Wrath. Which gets ya sent STRAIGHT to hell unless you do the most to get god to forgive you, which tae doesnt really do. But, for the purpose of this theory, we’re working under the assumption that it was a murder.

And, murder isnt just any sin. It’s one of the original ten commandments in the catholic and christian faiths. For those who aren’t familiar, the ten commandments were sins given to Moses by god himself. And right there in plain sight is “Thou Shalt Not Kill.” Tae has also committed a super sin: Wrath (through a murder) and is now on a fastrack to hell.

So, with that established, we can move on.

To his death.

Yea i know there’s 10000 theories for how everybody dies in the mv’s but this is my personal one, and the one that makes the most sesne

In the end of the On Stage Prologue we see Tae (who, throughout the entire beginning has been incredibly… off and almost tortured when he’s alone) climbing this tower thing by the ocean:

there he is at the top (also this is a beautiful photo like good job whoever was directing and filming)

And then the squad encourages him to jump thinking “O shit boi he gon do it!!!!!! This gonna be SICK!!! Jumpin into the OCEAN from hella far up bruh u wild!!!”

But, idk about you, but this doesnt seem to me like the face of someone who’s goofing around and trying to impress his friends with a sick ass jump does it? Its seems kinda mad, maybe afraid, stressed? Dark, tbh. And he’s still wearing the goddamn hoodie from I Need U, which was clearly intentional by the crew bc the rest of them are all wearing different outfits:

(not a great pic but u get the idea)

But, BAck to V; once he reaches the top, he flashes the others a smile, and then he takes a running start and he jumps

And thats where the MV ends.

But how do we know he’s dead????? you ask, eyebrows furrowed and back hunched over this long ass post.

Well, i reply, rubbing my grimy little hands together, ill get back to that.

For now, we’ll look at the Run MV, which i think takes place during the same time as/very near to the I Need U video:

Here they are by the trains in I Need U

And here are the same trains in Run, they connect the two videos and put them very close together in the timeline.

But, because they are so close to eachother, we can be comfortable saying that Tae has been getting into alot of trouble since yknow he killed a guy. Something like that might set someone’s life on a downward spiral.

Here he is getting arrested for vandalism, what has happened to my troubled boy, oh no???

Well, we find out what happens in his personal Short Film for Stigma:

Here you can see him back at the same wall where he and rapmon had previously vandalized, except this time he’s alone

Where he is caught by police and, looking smug, he gives himself up and is then shown later in the video shown being- questioned by someone

I’ll loop back around to that in just a moment, but now is where we talk about how we know V is dead:

Back in the Run MV, opens on V in all black: (an incredibly common color to symbolize nothing other than death)

Falling backwards into a pool of water

And where did we see V last before this MV? In the on stage prologue, jumping right into the ocean looking tortured and awful. There is this totally background and foreground, with the only real color being the water and V himself. Everything else is black and it’s hard for this part to not stand out because its drastically different from the rest of the MV thats far more colorful and has an actual setting. But, because of this water motif, I think V drowned in the ocean. Whether on purpose or not, that i’m not entirely sure.

But throughout the Run MV we get these random shots of V in water, looking like he’s really struggling to swim

Again, these shots, like the one in the beginning of the MV with him, dont fit at all with the rest of the MV, theyre so out of place that they stand out because there really isnt many shots of them in water or anything to do with water (besides Jimin with the bathtub but thats a totally different theory). So with this emphasis of V and water, i think thats what killed him. Maybe it was an accident that he died and he lost himself in the fall downward? Or maybe he couldnt swim in the first place and he knew this and couldn’t deal with his demons and he did it on purpose. 

To push this further and get how V actually becomes a devil, we can look at Stigma again. Stigma has the same striking images as the beginning of Run does:

with the totally black backgrounds and the focus soley on V, which, i think, puts the brief piece of V falling backwards into the water from Run right before Stigma. 

Meaning that it takes place after he has already died.

And he’s now in some kind of purgatory,

being questioned about his sins.

Between the shots of him being asked his name, and about his parents, we are shown these images of Tae, now all in white (white symbolizing innocence and purity, so we can assume this was before the murder and any other sins he’d committed) 

But he’s getting up by some invisible force:

So something is beating him in his innocence, hurting it, wounding it.

And then we get the puppy. It’s an all white lil pupper and I think that the dog is a physical manifestation/representation of V’s innocence itself.

Then we see these images of V with, assumingly, the man he killed and the girl he was protecting:

The guy is later in the MV shown trying to beat the girl again. These scenes (memories maybe?) are what ruined V’s innocence, what are stripping him of that: which can be assumed by the cage

You can see this cage coming down just as he starts to recall these memories

Which traps him inside and sends what little innocence he had (the puppy) running from him-

Why is all that relevant? Well, traditionally, when someone loses their innocence they are far more likely to fall into sin. (Hence why so much weight is put on keeping ur virginity n shit in christianity)

And assuming that the man V murdered was the one beating the girl (and perhaps the force we saw beating him as well), that man was the one who put the cage around V’s innocence and stripped him of that through hurting him and V watching him hurt the girl. This loss of innocence, and the man’s cruelty, eventually drove V to commit his sin and kill the man.

But, no matter his reasoning, no matter what innocence was ripped from him, Tae still had his sin. He had Wrath. He had Murder on his soul and for that reason, we can assume that his judgement in this purgatory sent him to hell. 

He was an angel (in white), free from mistake and full of innocence. But, he fell into sin, and rather than suffer for eternity, V, because he was ‘evil’ enough as a human by committing such sins as Murder and one of the seven deadly sins (wrath) he is allotted to, becomes a devil.

This, we can assume, by finally looking at Blood Sweat and Tears:

First thing to note: the setting

This seems to be some perfectly pristine, beautiful place. And going with the theory that literally everyone is dead (a quick youtube search can give you a million theories if you don’t have any), could this be heaven, maybe?

but no, that doesnt make sense because V is with them and we’ve already established that there is no way V could get into heaven bc of his sinning. So where are they?

Well, If you look here, all the others in the video are all wearing rather nice clothes, stuff they’d go out in on the regular, but what stands out is V’s outfit:

boy in pj’s and aint got no shoes!!!!! Where do u wear pj’s and no shoes???? 

At Home. 

Tae invited them all to hell, where he probably has the Dream Life through his devil status. Anything he could ever want and he probably promises the others the same if they join him. Almost like a “look what you could have” type of thing. 

Sounds devilish, hm???????

Later in the video, we see Tae cover Jin’s eyes as Jin is looking at a painting from earlier that depicts a battle between Heaven and Hell, in which heaven seems to be winning:

Tae blinds Jin to this image of Heaven’s promise and strength, of salvation, and instead he shows Jin something.

When he seperates his fingers, Jin sees this statue with huge black wings.

Devil Wings.

And then what do we see????

V, with wounds that clearly are from wings that had been taken off or ripped from him, lost somehow.

And then Jin kisses the statue, which could represent Tae due to him missing wings and the Statue having them.

And, in all the old stories, how does one seal a deal with a Devil?

By kissing them.

[isaacathom]

god im thinking about so many stories now... tdoc could be pretty fun, especially if the soul loss ‘mechanic’ is clearly established. youd get the one by accident (the mentor at the beginning who had previously killed a demon lord), then probably one of the protags later deliberately, because the reaction of a soul being spent would distract The Fuck out of the demon lord, and they were willing to pay the price if it meant the demon lord would die.

third time would presumably be the team up on the demon king where a group decide to all go together, hoping their combined soul will be enough to weather the impact killing such a powerful demon would cause. it does stand to reason that the impact of killing a demon king would be far stronger than killing a mere lord. so i feel like on the one hand, the team up should work, but kill all the participants, who get maybe a few moments in the aftermath to look at each other and the reinforcements and know they did it. like. demon lord saps more than half, right. lets say... 60, for sake of example. hence why tryig to kill a second one a) doesnt work and b) causes such a powerful reaction - you burn through your soul and it fucking explodes, almost.

so, say theres... 4 demon lords. and 3 heroes (as the 4th hero expended their soul to ensure the death of one of the lords, having killed either #1 or #2). each expending 60, they have 120. or if its 75, they have 75 of a soul. so either the king takes double, or the king just takes a full 1. if the former, the trio are dead no matter what. the reason they’re still able to kill the king is because of the soul reactions, which still deal damage, which means that the amount expended is... less? sort of? like, trio stabs, they get 30% in, n1 explodes and takes it to 40, they get 65 and then n2 takes it to 80, and n3 takes it home and their explosion seals the deal. all roughly simultaneously, but you get the idwa, right.

however, if we assume it only requires 1 full soul to take a demon king down, then the 120 version has a chance to make it if their souls are weighed as 1. which is also neat! thats the other hand! i like the idea of the trio surviving with the barest sliver of a soul each, dazed and in pain on the floor of this kings throne room, victorious and alive. unable to really appreciate what theyve done because theyre convinced its the end, that with each flutter of the eyelids the void approaches. passing out exhausted together at the foot of the throne, content in the knowledge that they won, and waking up confused some days later with no understand of how or why they were allowed to live. itd be guilt inducing a little, to know that if theyd teamed up with that 4th hero to attack the dragon, they wouldnt have died there, in that city that wasnt their home. but how would they have known that it would work? the choice to team up with pure desperation, the decision to injured warriors trying to gain something out of their seemingly inevitable defeat. their friend would not begrudge them the knowledge they had gained.

and idk! i guess it would depend on what kind of vibe the ending should have as to how fatal the attack should be. the worst ending, emotionally, is the one where only one of the trio makes it out, because while that makes sense if the final attack is viewed sequentially, like with the dodgy math above, it doesnt FEEL like that in the moment. so the survivor would feel like something is deeply unfair. and that stuffs interesting, but i feel like the survivors guilt-y angle can be explored just fine with the ‘trio survives and feels guilty about h4′ and its less... depressing overall. since killing the demon king shouldnt really be depressing. i feel like survivors guilt on that kind of scale is fucking depressing, if you catch me. it sort of sours that victory even more. if all three live, they can at least console each other. if only one lives, theyre alone in that experience. that fucking blows. i dont wanna write about. and while the ‘they all die’ ending is sad too, thats less depressing and more bittersweet. pyrrhic, etc. that feels like a sacrifice, done knowingly and with intent. not... by accident, or intentionally except one of you fucks up (sort of). right?

the two endings of ‘everyone lives’ or ‘everyone dies’ are good, i think. theres strength in both. itd be a matter of the tone of the rest of the story. and i feel like i gravitate towards sorta... lighthearted? not like joyous, at least two people are straight up dead here, but like... aware of joy. seeking joy. and that could go both ways for the ending! because there is a joy in victory, even if you don’t get to benefit from it. and the trio wouldnt, if they die there in an exhausted heap. but they won. and thats enough. and theres joy in that! theres a joy in knowing youve done well, and others are free. but the thing is that even if the trio live, they are convinced they wont. they all pass out on those stairs. i could even fucking fake out the audience by having the nex chapter from another character (preferably one who has been introduced previously as a friend or some such) a day after the kings death, where the trio arent mentioned until near the end when that friend goes to visit them. or something. it could be a fun fake out, but not purely for the sake of fucking with the audience, since it would mirror the assumptions the trio made when they committed to killing the king. they committed to dying together, successful or not, and they fully expected that they would never see the free world they made. they almost certainly imagined that freedom many times throughout the story, and especially at the end. the surprise is theirs as well. i think thats neat! though the fact the trio survived is probably telegraphed by the fact there is a chapter after their sacrifice at all? since ending on them collapsed at the throne feels like a fitting place to end it if they didnt make it. or even if they did! leave that idea hovering in the air. i dont know! i like the idea of exploring some of the immediate consequences of their success (such as the fact that island is almost certainly gonna vanish beneath the waves now) regardless of their fates. the destruction of the building they were in. all these bits. how everyone else finds out the demon king is dead, that sort of thing. that stuff is interesting, even if the long term effects arent going to be explored. the aftermath is interesting.

idk! i guess i just wanna explore what victory means? to both those who achieved it themselves, and those they did it for. so their ‘death’ would cover what they felt about their victory, their weariness and their elation, etc. and the chapter thereafter (essentially the last one) would be what the victory meant to their loved ones, regardless of whether they made it out. if the 4th heroes family/friends remain involved, including them would be especially important for highlighting the loss in winning, and even the friends/etc of the trio who did it, because even IF the trio made it out, theyre still out cold, souls and bodies drained. yknow? thered still be that threat in the air of will they die anyway? will all the soothing tonics and gentle hands in the world be enough? noone knows. everyones probably convinced that if they survive still, theyre at deaths door, hanging on out of stubborn desire to see their victory just once, but lacking the energy to make that happen. futilely trying to wake up. yknow? since many of those people would be familiar with the soul depletion thing, given the death of the mentor at the start of the story and the death of the 4th hero during its middle. noone has any reason to believe theyll survive, even if they really want them to. so if the chapter ends with that friends going to visit them where they lie in the hospital, sitting by the bedside of one and stroking their cheek and telling them gently of all the light theyve brought, and then that quiet soul stirs and gazes wearily at that friend, thats a surprise for everyone. it still means something. that the story would end very shortly thereafter, probably with a final line from the friend with some ~gravitas~ (like, yknow “you won. we’re so proud of you”, which i think works on a couple of levels) still leaves things open, its not unambiguously positive, but there joy there. theres satisfaction. theres a sense that no matter what happens to the trio, they Won.

god idk im just feeling gay as fuck thinking about the ending even though the friend is almost certainly not dating any of the trio, its just. the vibe. of adoration and respect. of that tenderness. god. its 1am it hits different at 1am to think about that kind of thing. god.

i gotta stop but this shit fucks

[uunnrreeaadd]

This has taken me way too long to write about.. and there’s so much to cover and Ill probably forget half of it so welcome to this journey. I don’t even know where we’re starting or if I even want to start but... I feel weird lately. All kinds of weird like anxious-weird, overly self conscious-weird, judging myself and my life and my path so harshly. Ive been questioning EVERYTHING and its fucking with my head so much.

I feel like my “friends” don’t like me. They make subtle jabs and gestures that make me feel unwanted, I don’t know if I’m just too sensitive or if they’re actually treating me wrong. When they read over my texts and don’t respond or when I realize they say things to each other about me when I’m not around, I feel like theres only bad to say. Ive been SO spaced out, I can barely talk to them because everytime I go to speak I start having repeated anxious thoughts in my head about “what if I sound weird or what if what I’m saying doesn’t make sense or what if this isn’t a good thing to say” and those thoughts talk over me in my head and then I end up stuttering and pausing and being awkward anyway.. its so hard to control.

It’s making my confidence fall apart. Ive started to question my personality and my ability to communicate with others so much that its taken over and I’m questioning how I feel about the person I see in the mirror; me. I’m wondering if I like myself as much as i always thought I have. I tried to go to the gym in hopes of mending my self confidence but I struggle to learn the equipment and when I reach to my friends for support I feel embarassed and like Im giving them a hard time. When I mentioned I had pulled my muscles, my one gym friend said “you need to lift smaller weights” and then the rest of the room of friends nodded in agreement and they don’t even go to the gym with me so I know its been the topic of discussion and that just makes me more scared.

I have spent a disgusting amount of time thinking about death. All of its impacts and the end of days, how the world is gonna end and how my life is going to end. I cant even FATHOM that that’s how life works, I never have and I never think I will be. Ever since the realization hit me that this is how life works, it all just ends one day and then you never ever ever ever get to be a part of this same life ever again, that’s just terrifying. Ofcourse when I say that I feel like its all going to be over tomorrow and ofcourse it wont be but.. you still never know. I’m scared to let go of my mom and my grandfather and my Dad whom I also haven’t spend nearly enough time with.

I feel like I’m constantly waiting for my job to fall apart. I always wonder if theres going to be a day that I’m asked to step down from my position. I have to give myself credit, Ive been doing a really good job and Ive started asking for feedback on my work to make sure I’m doing a good job. I just value this job more than a lot of things, I don’t want to loose it or the amazing people that have came with it. I learn so much every day about myself as a person and working with other people. I feel like I should be doing more though, I’m a supervisor, I need to instruct behaviour and call out mistakes when I see them but.. I’m really passive, I h a t e to make people feel bad or harp on their day so I let things slide more than I should.

My relationships with men are completely fucked up. I haven’t seen my Dad is god knows how long, I’ve spent a lot of time wondering why he doesn’t want to communicate with me and questioning my worth. I know that’s the typical thing but its hard not to do, I’m his daughter. I came from him, shouldn’t he want to go out of his way to even say merry Christmas? Happy birthday? The last few months my relationships have just been brutal. I saw about 2 different guys after my breakup and Ive been used everytime. Each time it got worse, the first guy I kind of knew was a player but he was charming and funny and he told me things were real and that he knew he wanted me to be apart of his life.. he lied, he left like a month or something later and told my best friend it was for sex. I started seeing someone else, we met on tinder but from the very first time he spoke to me he said he wanted something real and we hit it off and connected, we made ALOT of (still beautiful) memories together, started dating, I met his family and we went on tons of dates, started having sex and then after a couple times of that he also decided to leave. I had some friends with benefits along the way and ended up catching feelings (ofcourse) every single time and THAT never goes anywhere so Ive just been left questioning over and over and OVER what is WRONG WITH ME. I don’t think these boys are the deciding factor on my self worth but I used to, and sometimes still do view myself as a magnificent person. On a good day, I think I’m super human. On a good day, I see what’s nearly perfection, I think I’m creative and uplifting, Im caring and supportive and open minded, I’m pretty, Ive got good curves and I’m really genuinely genuinely NICE. I’m a good mate, I love cooking and going out and socializing.. you know? Like why would any of these guys decided to get me and then drop me? What am I not seeing? I think there’s something about me that is just a huge turn off and I don’t have a single clue what it is and I shame myself for not understanding.

I am worried about my drawing. Tattooing is my big career path and its what I’ve hyped up to ALL of my friends and family. I’m worried I’m not as good of a drawer as I think I am.. not that I’m not constantly improving and learning, taking notes and impressing myself but.. what i feel about my work could be a whole other story to other people, especially other tattoo artists. It’s hard for me to make a portfolio because I do most of my work right here on my iPad, yknow where I can have limitless colours and endless paper.. this girl I know just landed an apprenticeship and she had this entire portfolio of amazing pen and paper drawings that she glued down onto big pieces of black Bristol board, it looked really professional and I just find that so hard to do without better tools. I feel like if I had a light board I could do it but ofcourse mines pretty much broken. It’s hard to make it look professional on an iPad where I can use different brushes and textures, kinda feels like cheating and I really want to own this craft. It’s all Ive ever wanted to do.

I left my best friend. She moved away and bad things happened in my life. I didn’t feel like I knew her like I did before and I didn’t like texting her everyday because it just felt like a constant play by play.. “oh hey i did this” “oh hey i did this other thing” “you wont believe what just happened”. Meanwhile I’m at my lowest of lows because she’s gone and IM SO ALONE but she’s in a relationship and is always telling me about the guys she’s talking to and all the hot guys where she lives and guys down there that would be great for me. I don’t understand why she would involve me so much in her love life when she knows mine is failing and I’m struggling. I even tried helping her through her relationship struggles and I put in sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much energy to a toxic relationship that she’s seeming still in. I just don’t understand. I felt mistreated numerous times during our relationship, I felt there was times of her being condescending and passive aggressive, I just couldn’t take it anymore so I cut ties. I stopped having any energy to reply because I was just so fed up with how I felt I was being treated.

I don’t even think I can go on at this point, theres more but not anything that Im ready to talk about right now. A lot happened with my mom, I have weird feelings about my phone and my weed addiction.. But until next time

Love yo self and love the people you love

That shits important