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kingofpopmj · 2 months

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Conscious Decision

Part 8

July 21st, 1988

*Y/N’s POV*

I felt myself sinking deeper into the mattress the longer I laid here. I couldn’t bring myself to move let alone open my eyes. I had just spent a fourth night sleeping alone after our wedding day— well what should’ve been. Now, more than ever I felt the most connected to him. I could feel his sadness, pain and fear. It felt like a malicious joke. It’s been four whole days without him, yet the hold he had on my heart and mind was stronger than ever. He had me even though I was fighting it, but that was a joke too, because I wasn’t putting up much of a fight anyway.

“Do you want to join the girls and I today? We’re going into town.” Janet jumped onto my bed, propping herself up on her elbows.

“I think I would much rather lay here all day. The sun is too bright and the birds are singing too loud. Who was that on the phone?”

“I’m glad to see you’re still as optimistic as ever. Y/N, you know who it was.” She rolled her eyes exaggeratedly, playing with the ends of her hair. “Come on. You can’t stay in the room another day. You have to get out. Come with us, it’ll be fun!”

“The phone has been ringing nonstop for hours. That was all him?”

“Yes. Can we change the subject now?”

“What did he say?” I rolled onto my side, staring at her impatiently.

“Okay, we’re still on this. This isn’t a good idea. I don’t think me telling you everything that little twerp said will help.”

“It’s that bad?”

“No. I mean it’s the usual, he wants me to tell you all this mushy stuff and he’s asking when he can see you. He doesn’t sound too good.”

“I miss him.”

“I know.”

“I’m just so mad at him.” I huffed, sitting up and crossing my legs. I didn’t want to go on like this much longer. I don’t want to be angry anymore.

“I know.”

“I love him.” I let out a deep breath, trying to fight the urge to cry again.

“Yeah, no shit.” Janet rolled her eyes and for the first time in days I laughed with her. A genuine laugh and it felt amazing.

“You’re so annoying.”

“Do you want to see him?” She crossed her arms, staring at me with a weird look on her face.

“Yes, but I don’t know if I should want to see him.”

“Do you want to know what I think?”

“That depends. Is it mean?”

“No! I’m never mean!” She flung her legs to hang off the side of the bed, exhaling dramatic as ever, “We all know this isn’t the end. What he did was— he’s an ass for doing it, but he hasn’t really had the chance to explain. I mean no damn explanation will ever make up for it— he’s still an idiot, but maybe it’ll give you the necessary closure to move forward together or move on separately. You guys are going to move on from this one way or another, because even though my brother is king of the fools and doesn’t deserve you— I mean seriously you’re so out of his league he’s lucky you even look his way. I swear the fucking nerve. You’re the whole damn package and he ain’t shit— he’s lucky he met you when you were kids. He had years to soften you up. Now, you see his goofiness as endearing, instead of what it truly is. A big ass red flag!” She took a deep breath, before going on. “Anyways, for some insane reason he won you over. You love him. And as much as I hate him right now, I have to cut his the tiniest shred of slack. Michael doesn’t have much— well any experience with relationships, he’s never tried to understand them for anyone but you. It’s unknown territory. He’s never cared enough about a person to explore a relationship. No one measured up because there is only one you. You’ve had his heart since the beginning— his stupid little heart. In his mind, the definition of love is you. Love equals Y/N. That’s the only way it’s comprehensible to him— the only way it’s real in his eyes. Besides this, he’s done a decent job being your guy— I mean this was a huge deal, it was your fucking wedding, so maybe that erases all the things he did right. I’m not sure. I haven’t decided yet.” She stood up, walking back and forth along the rug, her arms waving in the air as she spoke. “What I’m trying to say is, he’s got his crusty little nails dug into you and he’s not going to let go. Not without a fight and I’m telling you as his little sister, Michael can take a lot of hits. He won’t give up easily. I don’t know what he’d do if he lost you and honestly I’m hoping I don’t have to find out, but I’ll support you in whatever you decide. I believe he’s truly sorry. Maybe you’ll feel better when you hear his side. I think, if you really want to see him, you should.”

“Wow. That was the sweetest, meanest thing you’ve ever said about Michael.”

“I try.” She shrugged, giggling at her own sarcasm.

“What time are you leaving? Should I call him?”

“In an hour. Relax. That little fool will call again and when he does I’ll let him know.”

“Thank you.”

“I’ll give him a piece of my mind too just to scare him.”

“Janet.”

“I’m going to tell him you packed up and went back home.” She laughed like a hyena, jumping off the bed only to fall over. “Oh, he’d probably cry.”

“Please don’t make him cry.”

“What! You did! Why can’t I?” An uncomfortable silence followed and her expression shifted along with it. “Shit. I’m sorry that was too soon.”

“It’s okay. I just— it sucks that this is our reality.”

“It’ll take time, but this will all be worth it in the end. It’ll be—” The telephone rang loudly as we stared at each other, slowly directing our attention to the piercing noise. “I’ll get that.” She smiled, looking over at me one last time. “Are you sure?” She asked with her palm resting on the telephone.

“Yes. I’m positive.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Michael’s POV*

“Michael.” My younger sister’s annoying voice came from the other end.

“Hi.” Suddenly, I was very aware of how many calls I’ve made to this number, but I didn’t care enough to be embarrassed about it.

“So, what’s up?” She was teasing me, I could imagine her at this very moment, smiling deviously with her hand on her hip.

“My blood pressure. How— how is she?”

“The same as she was fifteen minutes ago.”

“Okay.”

“How are you?” Her tone changed, I could tell she was being sincere. “Brother, you can talk to me, are you okay?”

“No.” I answered honestly. “I ruined everything. I thought I knew why. I thought it was the right thing. I just wanted to protect her. I don’t know how to exist knowing that any second I could lose the one person that makes it— that gives my existence purpose.”

“Damnit Michael.” She huffed loudly.

“What? What is it?”

“I’m trying to be mad at you right now and you go say that?” I could hear her pacing as she let out a sad chuckle. “Now, you have me crying like a baby. You know what, you shouldn’t be allowed to talk. Let me be mad at you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re so annoying. Always saying the perfect thing. You damn poet.”

“I’m—”

“She’s in the shower.” Janet quickly interrupted me. “She’s getting ready.”

“Oh. Well, that’s good she’s going to get out and do something. She deserves to be happy.”

“Michael, listen to me and listen carefully. Y/N is really fragile right now. She’s strong, but that doesn’t mean she’s indestructible. What happened— what you did, it messed her up. It’s triggered things in her that I don’t think she even knew existed. She’s cried so much, I didn’t know it was humanly possible to produce that many tears. You freaking jerk. Seriously, I don’t even— I love you, but damn I’m really struggling to be nice to you right now. I don’t understand why you did this, but I’m not the one you owe that explanation to. Michael, I want to help, but in order to do that I’m gonna need you to get your head out of your ass. I’ll do everything I can to help you get your girl back. Let me help you, no more stupid shit. It’s going to be difficult, but I believe it’s possible to get past this. It’s possible if you don’t go rouge again. You only get one chance with me. Brother, I promise, you so much as breathe in the wrong direction and I’ll knock you on your ass.”

“I know. I shouldn’t have done it. I’m sorry, I truly am. I wish I could do it all over again and do it right. Thanks, you saying it’s possible for us to get past this is the best thing I’ve heard in days. I’ll be good I swear, I wouldn’t want to feel the wrath of Janet.” I rolled over in bed, trying to ignore the tickle in my throat. “You should take her to The British Museum or St. Paul’s Cathedral, she’d love those. I can make a few calls and get you guys a tour guide or passes. Whatever you guys need.”

“Okay, on one condition.”

"You’re a pain in my ass. What’s the condition?"

"You should be the one to take her."

“She doesn’t want to see me. I’d ruin her day. I’ll be lucky if she ever wants to see me again.”

“Well, it’s your lucky day. Why else do you think she’s getting ready?”

“Are you being serious? Because this would be a really mean joke.” I sprung up from my previous position, kicking off the layers of covers weighing me down. “We’ve been on the phone for ten minutes and you’re just now telling me?”

“Yes.”

“She really wants to see me?” This must be what Christmas morning feels like.

“She really does.”

“She really does?”

“Yes. Okay, I have one more thing to say. Michael, I love you and I love Y/N. I love both of you so damn much, together and as individuals. You guys getting together is— it was so awesome. She’s been family for so long. We were all excited when you two finally made it work. I don’t know it just felt like, you know, like it all fell into place. Fuck, this is hard. Look, I’ll do whatever I can to lead you two back to one another, because right now it’s evident that you both want that, but I’m going to do whatever is best. So, if I get even a sliver of a feeling that Y/N doesn’t want this, no matter how much it’ll hurt, I’ll support her. If she decides at any point she needs to walk away from you, I’ll be there for her. That’s never going to change. I’ll be here for both of you, just separately.”

“I understand.”

“Okay.”

“I have to get ready. It's actually such a relief that it’ll be the three of us.” I said, the nerves were quick to take over my body as I tried to think of what to say to her. What can I say to her? Janet being there will definitely take the edge off.

“Is thirty minutes enough time for you?”

“I could get ready in five minutes with the way I’m feeling right now.”

“Good. Oh, by the way, this morning mom and the girls invited Y/N and I to go out with them. It’s a nice day to do some sightseeing, don’t you think? Yeah. Well, I’m still going with them, so it’ll just be the two of you. Y/N’s expecting you to pick her up from my room. Don’t be late! Bye!” She spoke so fast I could barely process it.

“Wait!—”

“Gotta go! Kisses!”

She giggled wickedly, hanging up on me without another word. I swear she lives to watch me squirm. I dropped the phone and watched as it hung by the wire, bouncing up and down before stopping all together. I rubbed my eyes as I got out of bed for the first time in four days. My room, that was once our room, was dark and stuffy and to my mother’s dismay I refused to let her tidy up. It looked like how I felt on the inside. I deserved to be surrounded by darkness and disarray. My body ached as I dragged my feet over to the bathroom, turning on the water and waiting for it to warm up which felt like an eternity.

My mind wandered to Y/N, stepping into the tub felt so lonely, everything felt empty without her. I never truly understood how integral she was to my life. I don’t have many friends, many people I can trust, she’s the small piece of normalcy in my life.

“I’m not sure where you go from here, but you’re going to have to accept the fact that it’ll be without her.”

My brother’s words echoed in my head as I felt that sensation, the one that has quickly taken control of me often since that day. The one I couldn’t escape regardless of how hard I fought.

The sound of blood pounded in my ears. My heart collided against my chest with force. My hands began trembling beyond control. My vision growing more distorted, I tried to blame it on the steam from the shower, but I knew better. I had to get away. I couldn’t stay stuck in this bathroom any longer. I needed out.

I unintentionally ripped the curtain off the rod while reaching for my towel. I leaned against the cold tiled wall, fighting to fill my lungs with air. I was almost there. I can do this. All I had to do was breathe. If I held on a little longer I’d see her. I’d be with her soon if I just held it together. I can do this. The tightness in my chest, loudly told me otherwise. Shit. Quickly, stumbling over furniture to reach the phone, I dialed numbers, in the same order that I had been for the past few days. Maybe, I need to hear her voice. That’s it. That’s what I need. I just need to hear her voice and that’ll help ease my mind. That’ll help me breathe. The phone didn’t ring long and that voice filled my ears. The voice that consumed my thoughts and dreams the past four days. The voice I couldn’t function without.

“Hello?”

It’s her. It’s Y/N.

My Y/N.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Y/N’s POV*

I lifted my purse, hanging it off of my shoulder as I contemplated which heels to wear. It was almost embarrassing how emotional it felt to see him again. As hurt as I was, I think I missed him more. I knew I missed him more. The phone rang obnoxiously, startling me, yet still, I practically danced over to it. Thankfully, Janet had already left or else I would never hear the end of it. I was confident that I’d hear his sweet voice on the other end and as much as I didn’t want to admit it out loud. I couldn’t wait.

“Hello?”

I held the phone close to my ear, waiting to hear him.

“Hello? Michael, is that you?” A deep rooted emotion began to flood my senses. One that I hadn’t felt in a long time, one that I had hoped I’d never feel again.

“Michael?” The faint sound of wheezing was the only response I got. It was all I needed.

I didn’t think twice. I didn’t say anything else. I took off in a sprint. As fast as I was moving it still felt too slow. When I reached the stairwell, the images from years ago flashed through my mind. As my hands gripped the cold steel railings, I remembered the feeling of the shattered pieces I cleaned off the floor that night. The damp remnants left on my shoulder from his tears all those years ago, causing my body to run cold at the memory.

Finally, I reached his level, running down the hall and colliding with his front door. I was so worried I forgot to slow down. My hands struggled with the zipper of my purse, so I tore it open and dumped its contents onto the floor. The small silver key called to me. I yanked it off the patterned carpet, unlocking the door and shoving it open.

I didn’t have to walk much further into the room before my eyes landed on him. Michael, curled up in a fetal position, a towel wrapped around his waist and his wet hair clinging to his face.

“Hey.” I whispered, gently touching his head. “I’m here. It’ll be okay. Everything will be okay.” I sat beside him as he pulled himself into my lap, his head resting on my thighs and I stroked his hair. “Just breathe. I’m here.”

“I— I ca— can’t.” The sadness in his voice tugged at my heart. I’d never heard it so broken before. I could tell he was scared. My presence wasn’t enough, he needed a little more.

“Focus on my voice.” I spoke calmly, lying down next to him. “Remember that night we snuck out to go camping?”

He didn’t respond, I didn’t expect him to. He had a strong hold on me as we laid close to one another. I could feel how lost he was in his thoughts. I needed to bring him back to me.

“I was so excited walking over to your house that night. I’ll never forget seeing you jump out of your bedroom window, you fell right on your butt. When you saw me, you shot up to your feet and acted like it didn’t hurt, you insisted that you were fine even though you were limping.”

This time I felt a slight nod from Michael, so I continued on.

“You brought the blankets and I brought the snacks. We had prepared all week for that night. I couldn’t wait to be with you, I wanted to stay up all night just to spend more time together. You spent four hours wrestling with the tent, because it wouldn’t stay up, you were so mad. We ended up sharing a sleeping bag and lying directly on the grass with no shelter, so we had a nice view of the sky. It worked out if you ask me, it’s the reason I love stargazing. You knew how much I loved s’mores, so you built a little fire in that empty soup can. It worked for a while too, until you—”

“It was you.” He spoke, gently interrupting my storytelling.

“Michael, we go over this every time. You kicked it.”

“Sweetheart, I love you, but you knocked it over reaching for the marshmallows.”

“Agree to disagree.” I laughed at our refusal to accept blame.

“You’re barefoot.”

“I wasn’t finished getting ready when you called. Then, I heard you, so I dropped everything and ran. I tried to get to you as fast as I could.”

“You got here at the perfect time.” He assured me, his voice was soothing as I felt his smile against my forehead. “Thank you.”

“I’m glad I could help.”

“I was so nervous that night. I used some of Jackie’s aftershave, I had Janet help me fix my hair and Latoya dressed me. That was going to be the night.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was going to tell you how I felt. How I truly felt.”

“Really?” I adjusted my head to see his face. He smiled back at me, resting his back flat on the floor and pulling me to rest on his chest.

“I had my speech memorized.” I looked down, studying the ring on my finger, all the while I felt his eyes on me. “I was going to start off by telling you what an incredible best friend you are, how beautiful, kind and loving you are. How I couldn’t imagine my life without you.”

“We were thirteen.” I whispered.

“Yeah, we were, but I already knew.” I calmly started to move away from him, but he stopped my movements. “Y/N, I love you. I always have. I can’t imagine my life without you.”

“Michael—”

“I don’t want to live my life without you.” I closed my eyes as I felt him touch my cheek, his fingers were soft and I couldn’t help but lean into his touch. Old habits die hard. “I can’t live without you.” He murmured, all my worries melted away, long enough to feel how well we fit together. The tenderness of his lips sparked a warmth in my heart and an urgent need throughout my body. Our connection grew stronger the further we went. I looked up at him, watching him settle in between my legs. He placed his hand on my denim covered thigh, inching up to unbutton my bottoms. The effect of his touch quickly shifted, unleashing a wave of anxiety rather than pleasure.

“Y/N, look at me.” Janet grabbed my shoulders, giving me no choice, but to stop avoiding reality.

“He’s really not coming.” I spoke softly, I sounded lifeless. “I can’t believe he did this. How could he do this?”

Michael lingered above me, his lips curved slightly before I felt them on my neck and that’s when it hit me.

“Where were you?” I asked him.

“It doesn’t matter. What matters is that I’m here now. And, I’m so sorry for being late.”

“You stood me up on our wedding day. I’d hope it would matter a little bit.”

I felt my body tense up as his moved against mine. Michael slowly pushed my top down my shoulder, hooking his finger underneath my bra strap. I became extremely aware of where this was going and it consumed me with panic.

I’m suffocating.

“Michael—”

“I missed hearing you say my name.”

“Michael. Wait. Stop!” I pushed him off of me harder than I intended to. It was abrupt, taking me by surprise as well. I felt like I was drowning and for the first time, Michael wasn't my life line.

“What is it? What’s wrong?”

“I can’t do this.”

“Oh?” He readjusted his towel and looked at me as if he was asking me to explain further.

“Michael, I think I need time. We can’t act like it didn’t happen.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m going to go change and get some shoes on.” I smiled at him half-heartedly, gesturing to the wet splotches now littering my outfit.

“Sorry, I dripped all over you.” He let out a soft chuckle.

“It’s alright—”

“Wait.” His hand wrapped around my wrist, keeping me from escaping the awkward tension in the air. “Nothing I say, nothing I do is ever going to fix this, is it?”

“I— I don’t know.”

“Oh.”

“I think we have a better chance than most.” I whispered, trying to ease the pain of this situation.

“Can we still spend the day together?”

“I’d really like that.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Michael's POV*

Y/N met me in the lobby after she had left to change her outfit. I was speechless. Wow. She looked breathtaking. A long lacy black dress hugged her curves, it had an open neckline and see through sleeves that covered her arms. I could not stop staring as she walked over to me. Although, it felt more like she was floating. Wow. She paired it with deep red heels that matched the color of her lipstick. A black hat resting on top of her head, shielding her face if she looked down just enough.

“Hi.” She stood in front of me and still I couldn’t find the words.

“You– I– Wow. Hi.”

“Are you okay? We can stay in if you don’t feel up to going out. I know the panic attacks are—.” She whispered with a small comforting smile.

“No. No. I just– Wow. You’re beautiful.”

“Thank you. You look very handsome yourself.” Her fingers traced the red band around my arm. “I love that you still wear these.”

“I’ll always wear them. They remind me of you.” Y/N smiled, curling her fingers around my bicep as we exited the lobby.

The journey to the museum was uneventful. It was full of meaningless conversation and heart wrenching glances. When we arrived I did my best to look as normal as possible, instinctively, my hand rested on Y/N’s lower back, keeping her close to me. Old habits die hard. We were ushered through a side door and I was able to make arrangements, so we had a whole wing of the museum to ourselves. I knew she’d love it. I couldn’t wait to be alone with her again.

I gave Bill a subtle nod, swiftly he fell back, giving Y/N and I more privacy as we roamed. I admired the way her eyes scanned the canvas before us, the way she nibbled at her bottom lip as she tried to understand it and most importantly how close she stood to me. Our arms brushed one another, breathing in her perfume made it seem like it would all be okay.

"Thank you for bringing me here. Wow, look at this one. I love it." The deep colors of the painting in front of us, matching perfectly with her outfit. Again, I was watching her more than the art.

“I love you.”

“I lo—Me too.” She smiled sweetly, her hands clasped together in front of her as she walked over to the sculptures. I noticed how she couldn’t say those words back to me, although it hurt, I couldn’t blame her. As much as I wanted to hold her hand I knew she needed distance, but I couldn’t let her forget that I was going to fight for her.

“Y/N, I’m so in love with you. I need you to understand that.”

“Michael, I know. You’ve been reminding me all day.”

“I believe it’s nice to hear. You deserve to hear it. I enjoy reminding you.”

“Okay, that’s very sweet. Thank you.”

“I guess some people don’t enjoy professing their love like I do.” I snapped.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She stopped walking and turned to me, her left eyebrow arched as she waited for an answer.

"It means that I've been pouring my heart out to you and the only response I get from you is 'I know' or 'thank you’. What's going on, Y/N, do you not love me anymore?"

"Jesus Michael."

"Well, what is it? What else should I do? Do you not want to be with me anymore? Do you want me to take you back to the hotel? Right now, I feel like I’m the only one trying to fix this."

"You're the one who broke it!"

"Y/N, baby—”

"Don't call me that!" She pointed at me as her bottom lip quivered. No. Please don’t cry. I can’t handle seeing you cry.

“You think I don’t know that I caused this?”

“This was a bad idea.” She shook her head, spinning on her toes and quickly walking towards the exit. “I can’t believe I thought—”

“No, it wasn’t! No! Talk to me.” I ran to catch up to her, grabbing her arms and standing in front of her.

“Michael—”

“Tell me why you’re shutting me out!”

“I don’t want to do this here.”

“Tell me!”

“Michael, stop—”

“Talk to me damnit!”

“Stop yelling at me!” Our voices bounced off the walls, I could feel the anger in her words. She hated yelling, arguing wasn’t her way. Y/N always preferred to talk things through, so I took a deep breath and spoke.

“The only way we can fix this is to talk about it. I want to fix this. I need to fix this.”

“You didn’t show up.” She said simply, her eyes not meeting mine.

“I know.” My grip on her arms loosening as I watched her contemplating what to say next.

“It felt like our wedding meant nothing to you. It didn’t matter. I didn't matter. You just vanished and you made me feel so rejected. That was the worst feeling I’ve ever experienced. I don’t understand why you did it.” Her cheeks now damp with tears as she fought to contain herself.

"I'm sorry. Y/N, I know I caused this. I know these are the consequences of what I did— I hate knowing I did this to you— It’s on me. You can’t say it— you can’t tell me you love me because I left on what should’ve been the most important day of our lives. I did that. I did it and I hate myself— I hate that you can barely look at me, but it’s my fault. I regret it with my whole heart. I should’ve shown up. I should’ve done it right. I should’ve made you my wife. I should’ve— I wish I did and I'm so sorry. I know I deserve it, I know I deserve for you to walk away for good but I’m still so afraid to lose you."

"The reason I haven't said it back isn't because I don’t love you."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that you hurt me Michael. You hurt me in a way I never thought was possible. It was an unbearable pain that I never thought I'd have to endure, especially from you. That night, I didn't want to see you ever again, I thought I hated you, but you came to see me anyway. Once I saw you I forgot about that pain, I forgot about how angry I was, because all I wanted to do was run to you. All I wanted was for you to hold me and to forget everything that happened. Once I saw you, all was forgiven and when I heard your voice I was yours again."

"That's good. Right?"

"You don't understand." She shook her head, turning away from me, but I stopped her.

"Then explain it to me. Please."

"I love you so much that I'd forgive you without an apology, without an explanation. I love you so much that I'd accept pain as long as it meant that I'd still have you. I love you so much that l'd— I love you so much that I've allowed you to string me along all our lives."

“Y/N.”

“This isn’t the first time you’ve hurt my heart.” She wrapped her arms around her waist as if to hold herself together.

“Y/N, this is the worst thing I’ve ever done, I know that, but we have both hurt each other in the past. Maybe I’ve caused you more pain, but that doesn’t negate the pain I’ve felt.“ Once the words left my lips I regretted it. She’s never hurt me.

“Well, maybe we should just walk away now, try to save our friendship before it’s too late.”

“I don’t want to go back to that. You don’t want that. I can’t. Y/N, you’re who I belong with. It has always been us.”

“I don’t know if I can handle it anymore. We couldn’t survive anymore pain. We couldn’t. Even as friends.”

“Y/N, I need you to believe me. I rather slit my wrists than cause you pain. I will never hurt you again.”

“Again.” She muttered, “It used to be I will never hurt you. Period.” She uncrossed her arms, pushing her hair behind her shoulders.

“I know.”

“Michael, I’m so afraid.”

“Of what?”

“I’m afraid of forgiving you, but I’m petrified of not forgiving you.”

“Y/N—”

“Why?” She interrupted me, her lips sucked in between her teeth. She was struggling to keep herself from falling apart in front of me.

“Why what?”

“Why didn’t you show up?”

“I— I’m not sure.”

“Michael, please, answer the question.”

“I guess there were many reasons.”

“Many?” Her voice sounded helpless as she stepped further away from me. I never knew it was possible to see someone visibly crumble until now.

“Please. Baby— I mean Y/N, please don’t cry.”

“What were the reasons?”

“I’m not answering that.”

“Then, I’m leaving.”

“Stop! Please, stop walking away from me.” I ran, blocking her path, my hands cupped her face gently. “I know you don’t want to leave. I know you don’t mean it. I know you.”

“Yeah, you know me so well.” She rolled her eyes out of frustration, lifting her chin up and away from my grasp.

“Y/N, what do I need to do?”

“Please, just explain it to me, tell me the reasons.” I shook my head, looking down at the floor. “Why not?”

“Because I’m trying to fix us, not break us.” I tried holding her hand, surprisingly she let me.

“What does this look like to you? We’re already pretty broken.”

“Exactly. I don’t—”

“I need to know why in order to move forward. I need to know, so I can let it go. I need to know so I can try to forgive you.”

“I don’t see how that will help, it’s like you want me to hurt you. All day, you’ve kept me at a distance. You’ve barely looked at me. Have you thought about how that makes me feel?”

“Are you really trying to compare standing me up on our wedding day to me trying to figure out how to forgive you?”

“Are you trying to hurt me on purpose? Is this your way of getting back at me? Getting even?”

“If you truly think I’d do something like that, plan to hurt you as a way of evening out the playing field then you don’t know me like I thought you did. If that’s what you think, then we shouldn’t even be here right now.”

“It’s not. Y/N, I know you would never do that.”

“Then why’d you say it?”

“Because I’m frustrated. I fucked up. Okay? I really fucked up. I ruined this and I’m struggling to ignore the possibility of not being able to fix it.”

“Me too.”

“At least there’s one thing we agree on.”

“Yeah, little victories.” She smiled weakly, tucking her hair behind her ear.

“It’s difficult being so close to you yet feeling so damn far away.”

“Mhm.”

“I wish I could jump on my bike and ride down to Burger Grill. Your go-to order, a big bag of fries, a milkshake with extra whipped cream and cuddles from your favorite guy. When we were kids, that used to fix everything.”

“Yeah, but we aren’t kids anymore.” She pressed her hand against her belly as she attempted to calm her breathing. “Michael, I can’t jump back in right away. I want to fix this it’s just— I feel so vulnerable. I don’t want to feel pain like that ever again. It’s nerve wracking being with you, but I’m trying. I really am. I want to be close to you but my mind won’t let me. I think— I don’t know— It’s like everything inside of me is at war. My heart hurts, but wants you, wants to forgive you. My body aches, but wants to be held by you—” I knew if I let her go on she’d end up inconsolable.

“I didn’t show up because I want you to be happy. More anything in my entire life I want the best for you. I want you to enjoy life and never have to experience anything less than pure joy. I want you to have freedom. You said you needed to know, so here it is. When I was with Frank that day, he went on this rant about how your life was going to change and I wasn’t preparing properly.”

“Okay.” She gently squeezed my hand encouraging me to go on.

“He was right. You’ll be my wife. That’s all. You won’t be able to work and I know how much you love your job. You won’t be able to make a simple trip to the grocery store or anywhere really at least not by yourself and I know how much you value your independence. You won’t have any freedom. Your privacy will be gone in an instant.”

“That’s all?”

“Well, yeah. It’s not easy. I couldn’t forgive myself if something happened to you because those damn parasites were following you. The thought of you being dragged through the mud to the extent that I am— that thought killed me.”

“You could’ve come to me. We could’ve discussed it. Michael, I would’ve understood.”

“I know.”

“Why did you think that the solution was to not show up?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why?”

“Because!” I yelled again. This is not going the way I thought it would.

“Because what!” She snatched her hand away from mine, looking back at me like I wasn’t me anymore, like I was a stranger.

“Because I knew if I showed up, I knew if I saw you— I knew that we would be married right now. I can’t think straight when it comes to you. Damnit, Y/N, I’m selfish when it comes to you. I needed to think about it. I needed more time. I know now that I shouldn’t have let Frank get in my head. I should’ve shown up and married you like we planned. I should’ve married you that day because that’s all I’ve wanted my whole life. I’ve always wanted you. I will always need you. I was so in my head that day, scared to do the wrong thing and I ended up making the worst decision. I always try to do what’s best for you. I’ve always put you first. Everything I do is for you. Believe it or not, at the time, I stayed away for you.”

“Wow. My hero.” She turned to walk away from me. Again.

“Y/N! Stop! Damnit, you can’t ask me these questions and get pissed with my answer no matter what it is! That’s not fair!”

“You know what’s not fair! This!” She held up her left hand, the engagement ring, a bitter reminder of what never was. “It’s not fair that I can’t bring myself to take this off! It’s not fair that I made my peace with everything that came with being your wife. It’s not fair that I accepted how drastic my life would change and chose to embraced it because at the end of the day we were starting our new life together. It’s not fair that you didn’t think the positives of being together outweighed the negative like I did. It’s not fair— all the reasons that made me so excited to marry you, so sure you were my person, were the same ones you used to add to your list of reasons to run. That’s not fair!”

“You’re right. Shit, you’re right.”

“That’s the thing. Michael, I don’t want to be right. I want us, together, to be right. I don’t know how to do it. I want to fix it. I just don’t know where to start.”

“Y/N—” I spoke delicately, but didn’t get to finish my thought. I was cut off by her crashing into me, her head rested on my chest, her arms reluctantly wrapping around my waist. I didn’t allow myself to be shocked for too long. I held her with all I had, rubbing her back, gently swaying her and hoping this wasn’t the last time I’d ever hold her. “I think we need more of this. It could help.”

“Mhm.” Her gentle sniffles felt like a punch to the gut. “It’s not easy keeping you at a distance.”

“I've missed you.”

“I've missed you too. So much.” Her hands moved slowly up and down my back. This was nice. “Janet’s crazy.” She muttered.

“You’re barely realizing that?”

“I guess I’m late to the party. She’s the best though. She offered to steal all your left shoes and shrink your clothes.”

“She what?” I gasped as she laughed into my chest. It felt so good to have her close and to hear her laugh again.

“I haven’t taken her up on the offer yet.”

“Yet? Wow! How kind of you. I feel so protected.” We laughed, together, wrapped up in each other’s arms. The melody of our laughter carried up to the tall ceilings of the building. We were surrounded by exquisite artwork from all over the world, yet I could not take my eyes off of her. I only wanted to admire her. My Y/N.

“I’ll always protect you.” Her tone serious and for the first time since everything went wrong, she looked back at me, her eyes as beautiful as I remember, lips parted slightly, skin glowing like the stars on a summer night. I found myself hypnotized. Carefully, I closed the space between us, becoming painfully aware of how deprived I was of her touch, desperate to taste her tongue and feel her lips.

“Michael?”

“Yes, what is it?” I asked cautiously, hoping we could live in this moment longer.

“You could never keep your lips to yourself.” She smiled, reaching down and intertwining our fingers. I sensed that she wasn’t quite comfortable with a kiss, so I settled on leaving one on her cheek.

“Would you consider spending more time with me tomorrow?” I asked, feeling nervous all the sudden.

“I think I can clear my schedule for that.” She teased.

“I have some work to finish up in the morning before the show. It'd be fun for you to join me.”

“Would it be acceptable for me to be there?”

“Of course! Come with me! You can see all the behind the scenes stuff. If you want— I’d like you there— I mean if you don’t want to— I want you to be— well if you—”

“Michael, I’d love to.”

“It’s for Moonwalker.” I spoke, looking down at my feet to hide my shy smile.

“No way! You’re finally making it? That’s incredible babe! I can’t wait to see it.” My heart fluttered at the nickname. I was sure it slipped out, but I’ll take it. Little victories.

"Thank you. It’s been incredible so far. The script has come together nicely and I’ve been able to get almost everything I’ve envisioned brought to life.”

“That’s so exciting. I can’t believe I’m engaged to, what is it a quadruple threat? What can’t you do?” The way she looked at me was out of this world. If we weren’t in a public place I would’ve been all over her.

“You’re making me blush.”

“Mhm.” She moved closer to me, her soft lips connecting with my jawline. Her movements were so soothing. My eyes fell shut as she planted small kisses down my neck.

“I could get used to this.” I joked, she giggled, gently pushing me away.

“You always had that about you.”

“What?”

“The talent of being so damn adorable that I forget why I was angry in the first place.”

“We’re going to make it.” The corner of my lip curved up as I stretched my arm out to grab a hold of her. “Y/N, we’re going to make it. We have to make it.”

“We will make it.” She responded softly, rubbing tiny circles into my wrist with her thumb.

We stood in an empty hallway, smiling at each other like two lovesick kids. It was a nice change. It was a moment filled with hope.

“I have a surprise for you.” An excited smile graced her face at my statement. I led her out to a small courtyard, where I’d set up a romantic lunch date for us.

“This is beautiful.” We walked down a small path surrounded by flowers and a small pond. She was practically jumping up and down. It was perfect.

“My lady.” I grinned, sliding out her chair for her.

“Why thank you.”

We sat enjoying our meal. I noticed Y/N had stopped eating a few minutes ago. She was in her head I could tell, so I did my best to let nature take its course. I couldn’t push her. I needed to let her work through it at her pace.

“Michael.”

“Yes?” She didn’t respond, instead she stood up from her seat and took a few steps over to my side of the table. “Y/N, is everything—” she paid no mind to my worry, carefully she sat on my thigh, her legs finding a place in between my own. Her arm slid across my shoulders, her gaze focused on me and a shy expression on her face.

“Michael?”

“Yes?”

“Could you, could you kiss me?” She asked nervously, like she thought there was the slightest possibility I would say no. I’d never say no.

“Y—yes, of course.” Nerves I never knew existed were now running through me at an alarming rate. My hands were trembling as I placed them on her. The moisture in my eyes suddenly disappeared, making me blink rapidly which I’m sure looked anything but normal. I removed my hat, placing it on the table and taking an audible deep breath. I must have been taken way too long because she spoke up again.

“I’m sorry. It’s okay. If you aren’t comfortable.” She shifted her body away from me, so I wrapped my arms around her. “I don’t know what came over me.”

“No.” I pulled her into me, her back pressed up against my chest.

“No?” She turned slightly to look at me and that’s when I kissed her.

Our lips laced together, perfectly, but only for a moment. We parted slowly, the kiss obviously had her feeling the same way I did. This was where I was supposed to be. Our gaze unfaltering, heavy with emotion and conveying the longing we had for each other. At the same time, the space between us disappeared and our bodies melted into one another. Eagerly, I grabbed her by the back of her neck and smashed my lips onto hers. Our connection deepening as her hands found a place at the back of my head.

As my fingers sunk into her hips, everything else faded away.

The only thing that could separate us, the only thing that could disrupt this moment was a tornado or maybe an earthquake. Neither of us wanted to be the first to pull away. We didn’t want this moment to be cut short. We wanted to soak in every piece of it because it was glorious.

“Michael!”

“A few minutes of peace was too good to be true.” She smiled against my lips, her hand sliding down to my chest and clenching a fist full of my shirt.

“Damn Bill. Should I— yeah I’m going to fire him. We’ll never be interrupted again.” I kissed her again, harder this time. Her giggles being replaced by soft moans. Oh, shit. We’re about to do it in the courtyard of a museum.

“Michael!”

“Son of a—”

“There seems to be a problem. I’m sorry to interrupt—” he stopped dead in his tracks, looking at us suspiciously before shaking his head and rolling his eyes. “Kids, there are windows everywhere!” He started pointing them out all around us. “You’re outside! In broad daylight!Anyone could see you two!”

“It’s fine. We weren’t doing anything.” I shrugged, tickling Y/N’s hip discretely.

“Sure. You’ve got lipstick on boy!”

“Oops.” Y/N looked so embarrassed, reaching to retrieve a napkin to clean me up. “You kind of pull it off though.” She whispered.

“Seems you’ve been found out. We need to get going before it gets out of control.”

“Well, that was fun while it lasted.” I’ve become used to adjusting my expectations, it’s just hard when I’m not the only one affected by it.

“It was! Look on the bright side, there’s nothing that went unseen. We got to do it all.” She’s so positive it’s impossible for some of it not to rub off on me.

She had her arm firmly around my waist, mine draped across her shoulders as we reached the exit doors. There was nothing I hated more than arguing with her, but if it would bring us closer together I’ll make an exception.

"Wait! Back up." Bill shouted, he opened the door for us just to slam it shut immediately. He aggressively pulled it until he heard the click ensuring it was secure.

"What is it?" Y/N asked, reinforcing her grip on my hand.

"We've got a bit of a situation dollface." Bill's tone was familiar to me, but not to Y/N. “Change of plans. What do you want to do?”

"How many are there?" I was frustrated to say the least. This was supposed to be a nice day away from everything, just the two of us. “It can’t be that bad. Can we make it work?”

"Enough. No, I’m sorry. I don’t want anyone getting hurt. I say we have Y/N walk out the main entrance by herself and we will get you out through the side entrance. They don’t know she’s here, so they won't bother her. She'll be safer if we split up."

"No. We're going out together."

"Michael, I don't think that's the best idea. You're playing with fire right now, son."

"Bill, she's my lady. I’m not sending her off on her own. She's safest right here. Next to me."

"Okay." Bill smiled proudly at my defiance. He had been furious at me, probably more so than anyone else. When I had him help me miss the wedding he refused to give me a moment of peace. He had lectured me for a whole six hours, saying I needed to man up and quit running away from the things I want. I never thought I’d see him that angry, I’d never given him a reason to be so disappointed in me. He repeated it over and over again, I had to stop making nonsense excuses to hide from good things in life or as he put it 'ruining my destiny.'

Damn, the old man, he was testing me. I guess I passed. Little victories.

“Let’s get out of here. Keep her close.” He shot me a stern look before leading the way outside. I nearly lost my balance when I took a step forward and Y/N didn’t move a muscle. Her eyes wide as she took in the chaotic scene we were about to walk directly into.

“I got you!” I shouted, so she could hear me over the commotion. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you!” I held her face in my hands, her hands gripped my wrists as she gave me a quick nod.

As we stepped through the threshold the number of people outside seemed to multiply. The screaming was deafening, my ears were vibrating and my teeth rattled uncontrollably. Y/N was struggling to stay on her feet beside me until I redirected her in front of me. People were reaching out to touch us and I could tell it was making her nervous. My hands firmly on her hips as our path shrunk significantly with each step. The crowd began pushing and pulling at us. I did everything in my power to comfort her, but it wasn’t enough. Suddenly, Y/N spun around wrapping her arms tightly around me.

“What’s wrong?” I spoke into her ear as she hid her face in the crook of my neck.

“I can’t see. My eye, there’s something in it.” I quickly looked down, she leaned her head back, staring up at me. Oh, no. Her eye squeezed shut, a crimson stream flowing down the right side of her face, I watched in disbelief as the thick substance dripped off her chin and down her neck.

“You’re okay.” I tucked her face back into my neck, cradling her head with my arm. “Bill!” When he turned to glance at me I held up my blood stained hand. After that, our journey through the crowd was an anxiety filled blur. When we finally made it to the vehicle, Bill guided us inside cautiously, jumping in after us and slamming the door shut.

“I’m so sorry.” I collected all the napkins in sight, with shaky hands I put pressure on the wound. I couldn’t see anything, there was so much damn blood. She just stared at me blankly. “I’m so sorry.”

“What the hell happened!” Bill roared, causing us both to jump.

“I don’t know.”

“I told you! I told you to keep her safe and you couldn’t even do that.”

“I did everything–”

“No you didn’t! You let her down again. You didn’t step up again. She deserves better!”

“Please stop.” Y/N muttered.

“She trusted you to take care of her and again you hurt her! How could you let this—”

“Dammit, stop yelling at him!” Y/N’s voice reached an octave I had never heard before. She exhaled deeply, intertwining our fingers as she pulled me closer, her head resting on my shoulder. The warmth of her body sent shivers down my spine as she leaned against me. “Someone threw something. It isn’t his fault. It happened so fast. I didn’t even see it. Michael didn’t let me down, he never has.” It felt like her last sentence had deeper meaning. Whether that was her way of sending me message or not, she definitely sent one to those around us.

Her and I are a team. There’s no denying that.

“I’m sorry dollface.” Bill spoke as he concentrated his gaze out the window.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The vehicle hadn’t come to a full stop before Y/N grabbed my hand and pulled me along with her. I struggled to keep up, weaving through people, hopping over furniture. We barely made it into the elevator. Y/N was panting, incessantly hitting the button until the door began to shut just as we saw Bill trying to catch up with us.

“That was fun!” Her laughter filled the small space, she backed into the wall sliding down and holding her belly. I took a seat across from her, the way her cheeks shimmered under the flickering light had my full attention.

“It was.” I agreed, she studied my expression, stretching her arm out to press the emergency button. The familiar way the floor vibrated and that look in her eyes made me feel like I was on top of the world. She held her hand out to me, a small smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “I think you have a concussion.” I joked.

“I’m fine. It’s just a scratch. The blood made it seem worse, but I’m good. I promise.” She moved to rest on her knees in between my legs, beaming at me, unrushed and uninterrupted. Her fingers curled around mine. “I don’t have it in me to hate you Michael. You’re the only man I’ve ever loved. I’ve never wanted anyone else.”

“Neither have I.”

“Why is everything so complicated then?”

“Because I’m an idiot.”

The cool steel wall pressed into my back, the warmth of her hands made my chest feel like it was set on fire, my eyes never leaving hers as she glanced down, studying my lips. Her guard slowly being let down the longer I held her. We sat there for what felt like hours, each second better than the last.

“You’re not an idiot.” Y/N’s voice sounded just above a whisper as our noses touched.

“I’ve made mistakes.” My voice cracking at my vulnerable position. “You do deserve better.”

“Michael–”

“I was kidding myself to think I’d ever be enough for you.”

“You made a mistake.” Her fingers traced the line of my jaw, keeping me from looking away. “It doesn’t mean you aren’t enough.” She mumbled, her shiny red lips communicated the rest.

She’s kissing me. She’s actually kissing me. My fingers were tangled in her silky hair as she tugged at my coat. I glanced at her briefly, she guided my hand to the zipper of her dress. Her skin was so soft, softer than I remember. Everything about her became even more beautiful than the last moment I spent with her. I can’t believe this is happening.

“We don’t have to do this if you aren’t ready. I’m just happy being with you again.”

“Michael, look at me.”

“Yes?”

“I need you.” Her voice is like music to my ears. I remembered the day I had said those exact words to her in this very elevator. “I need you closer.” She melted into me. The warmth of her thighs squeezed around my torso as I felt every emotion she felt, her lips never parting from mine.

“You’re sure?” I mumbled into her mouth, hoping she didn’t pull away from me.

“I’m so sure.” She grunted, tearing my shirt open, the sound of the buttons shooting against the walls masked by echoes of pleasure.

“Wait.” I pulled away, reaching the emergency button, and the elevator began to carry us up again.

“What— oh my goodness.” Y/N jumped up, readjusting her dress, she moved to zip it up and that’s when I stopped her.

“I’d leave it undone.” The elevator paused at our floor, I picked her up quickly, running down the hall to the room. Y/N was laughing, gripping my back tightly as I squeezed at her thighs that were wrapped around me. She moved to suck on my neck and I nearly dropped her at the sudden feeling of her tongue. I pushed her against the wall, my lips finding hers while my free hand aggressively twisted the doorknob.

“Michael, open the door or I’m gonna take your pants off right here.”

“I’m trying.” Her laugh grew louder and uncontrollable while she watched me fight with the door. “This damn door.” I put her down, using both hands to push the damn thing open.

“Michael–”

“I got it!” She clung to me as I moved us inside, locking the door behind us.

“You’re cute.” I felt her say against my lips. Her arms wrapped tightly around me as I walked backwards, chuckling every time she apologized for stepping on my toes.

“You’re—” We tumbled backwards, the corner of the mattress catching my leg unexpectedly as I led the way to the bed. We landed on the floor, Y/N carefully rolled off of me, cuddling into my side. Now, here we are, on the floor. Again.

She’s actually here. Her body pressed against mine. The rise and fall of her chest brought me a great sense of comfort, one that I had been stripped of in the last few days. I can’t mess this up. I can’t lose her. I can’t make any more mistakes.

“That was smooth.” She said in between her fits of laughter. “It looked like you did a backflip. Are you okay?”

“God, I missed your laugh.”

“I missed you.”

“Thank you.”

“For?”

“Spending the day with me. Thank you for agreeing to see me.”

“My heart belongs to you. That never changed.” She placed a gentle kiss at the corner of my mouth, but it ended way too soon.

“I hope it never does.”

“It won’t” She whispered, then it happened again. She looked into my eyes and the world stopped. She slowly leaned down, her lips connecting with mine. She clenched her fingers around my collar, pulling me on top of her, spreading her legs open in one swift motion. My body began to shiver as I settled in between them. Her forehead scrunched up when I pulled away, she studied my face while touching my cheek lovingly. “What’s going on in there?” she lightly tapped my temple. A worried expression grew on her face.

“I’m just thinking.”

“Uh-oh.”

“I can’t wait to start a family with you.” The whites of her eyes became more visible, her lips parted slightly as she obviously struggled with what to say next. “They’ll be brilliant. They’ll be beautiful. The more they inherit from you the better.”

I scanned every detail of her face, until her eyes captured my attention. I remember the first time I stared into them, I got lost, I became a sputtery mess. Her eyes enveloped me in a sense of warmth I’d never felt before. A sensation I only feel with her. Then, she smiled at me. My heart could barely take it, it pounded so hard I was sure she could feel it. I remember the first complement I gave her. “You’ve got a real pretty smile.” It slipped out, but I meant it. Oh, did I mean it! Y/N scrunched her nose and turned away when she nervously thanked me. She had me wrapped around her finger from that moment forward.

“That’s kind of— wait, are you saying you want to start trying for a baby?” Her voice was low and her expression difficult to read.

“I’d like to marry you first. That is, if you’ll still have me.”

The anticipation consuming me as I awaited her response was peaceful because I knew what the future entailed.

Our future.

Now, I truly understood and believed in the idea that sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

#michael jackson #michael joseph jackson #king of pop #michael jackson imagine #michael jackson x reader #michael jackson imagines #michael jackson fanfic

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cleolinda · 1 year

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youtube

Here's another song I had wanted to write about: Hozier's "Movement." It is a fact of my existence that I get into a musical artist/band about 10 years after everyone else does, and then they become 30% of my personality (see also: Florence and the Machine). So I didn't really get with the program until Wasteland, Baby, and even then, it was for an unusual reason.

When did this album come out, spring of 2019? I had spinal surgery in early 2018. A discectomy, L4/L5; the disc had gradually become herniated due to a fall I'd had at a convention. My surgeon was required to warn me that surgery would come with a (low) chance of paralysis; it was my choice to make. After two weeks of seizing up in pain every hour or so, confined to my bed—hydrocodone did nothing—I chose the scalpel. Even then, it was another four weeks before he could work me into the operating schedule. Trust me when I say, no matter how I'm doing now, I do not regret having that surgery.

But he also told me, "You will always be a person who has had spinal surgery." Since anything was better than screaming every time I moved, I didn't fully understand what he meant until a year or so later, when I was still in pain—a chronic but lower-grade pain that came and went depending on how much activity I dared try that particular day. It was infinitely better than before. And, but, yet, I still deal with that chronic pain today. I will always be that person.

"Walk," he told me. I had a packet of therapy exercises to do, sure, but he was firm on this point. "That's the main exercise you need. Just walking." Which I couldn't do at first—I didn't have to learn to walk again or anything, but I was in a wheelchair early on, then on a wheeled walker for a couple of months. I also have inherited neuropathy in my feet, which was exacerbated by electrically painful sciatic nerve damage down my right leg while I waited for my slot in the surgery calendar. (I swear to God I will start talking about music soon.) I only walk across the longest side of my backyard. I don't leave it and walk around the neighborhood, because I generally have about two minutes upright to get back to the house once my feet start hurting.

So I had been struggling with my walking assignment for about a year when "Movement" came out. Of course it's literally about physically moving (and emotionally being moved), but that wasn't what captured me. The song starts out slow and reflective; it was a gentle tempo for a time when I couldn't walk very fast, and I still use it as a warm-up today. But there are two other things I love about it. One, the willow tree in the chorus, as I was walking my little runway back and forth under a canopy of wild water oak draped with wisteria, looking up into the sun through the leaves and snowflake flowers of an overgrown cherry laurel. Sound met landscape.

But the other thing is how—generous? accepting?—the words are of the "you" of the song. This person, the lyrics say, does not have to be a virtuoso dancer like Fred Astaire or Sergei Polunin (who's in the video up there). Instead, "you're Atlas in his sleeping, and when you move, I'm moved." My absolute favorite part is,

Move like grey skies Move like a bird of paradise Move like an odd sight come out at night

What the fuck even are these lyrics. I can't. That's so good. You ever sit there as a writer and think, I'm so mad I didn't come up with that? Just the pure unexpectedness, "I'm telling you how earthshakingly amazing this person is. Like a beautiful willow, like a rare bird, like some weird-ass cryptid in the night, I don't even know what that was about but I love it." What even. So good.

And I was for sure an odd sight shambling back and forth across the back of my yard: five minutes at first. Then ten the next week, working my way up to thirty, still in a dull roar of constant pain a year into my recovery. But this is a song that says, your efforts to move are moving, whatever movement is natural for you; you may be sleeping just now, you may be moving without moving, but you are wonderful not in spite of being strange in your movements, but because of it. The song always feels like a friend walking along with me, no matter how many setbacks I have, or how slow I have to go.

Anyway, Unreal Unearth comes out next Friday. The five songs Hozier's put out so far are ridiculously good, and I've scheduled a couple of months to be completely feral about it. When the weather is less dangerously hot, we'll find out which songs are good to move to.

#music #music discussion #me for some reason #long post #hozier

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rafecameronzwhore · 1 year

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"Happy birthday, birthday girl"

Writing myself a Rafe fanfic for my birthday.

Warning: smut, alcohol, mentions of coccain, kiara being a bitch

In this Sarah isn't a pouge, she was but then she became a kook again because they manipulated her for info.

Sorry for any spelling mistakes im the worst at spelling.

----------------------------------------

Your back is to Rafe as you sleep and 1 of his arms is wrapped around your waist stroking up and down your curves ever so slightly, while the other is being used so he can use his phone. Rafes an early bird and your not so normally Rafe would wake up before you.

Rafe starts kiss up your arm, to your neck, then cheek waking you up just how you liked it. You start to stir in your sleep, he whispers in your ear "goodmorning" in his sweetest voice to which you reply "morning" eyes still closed as you turn your body around so your head is now on his chest.

He wraps both his arms around you carresing your body, you finally open your eyes looking at him "happy birthday baby" you hum in response a smile finding a way on your face as he leans down to kiss you. You wrap your arms around his neck as he kisses you. The kiss eventually turns into a make out on your bed with Rafe on top of you.

Suddenly your phone starts ringing, you reach over to the bedside table and grab your phone seeing Sarah's contact on your phone.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY BESTIE" she screams through the other side of the phone, "Thanks! Sarah" you reply as you roll onto your stomach and Rafe puts his head on your lower back making himself comfortable knowing that you too might take a while.

You and Sarah talked for a while and through out that call Rafe ate you out even though he wasn't feeling pleasure it pleased him knowing you were.

You and Sarah made plans to go shopping so you rolled out of bed and took a shower obviously Rafe joined and it turned into more sex but you loved it, the 2 of you got ready after the shower Rafe put on a dress shirt for work since Ward was forcing him to come and you wore...

...this (or any other outfit of your choice)

You and Rafe walked down stairs giggling as he kept tickling and pinching your sides, you both walked into the kitchen and saw a plate full of chocolate pancakes and a note from your mom.

"Happy birthday hunny, unfortunately we arent here to wish it to you in the morning with hugs and kisses since we had work but we wish you the best birthday with your friends have an amazing day princess."

You smile as you read the note while Rafe warms the pancakes back up in the microwave,

"whats it say baby"

"Nothing much just mom and dad wishing me happy birthday"

Rafe hums in response and leans down to kiss your lips, which you gladly except.

TIME SKIP BC IM TO LAZY TO WRITE THEM EATING BREAKFAST

Rafe dropped you of at the mall where Sarah was already waiting for you, as you walk towards Sarah after kissing Rafe goodbye you hear a all to familiar voice and you knew exactly who it belonged to.

Kiara carrera. You, Sarah and her were best friends in 9th grade and worst enemies in the 10th grade. "What a brat" you hear her say yet you ignore her and make your way to Sarah not wanting to let kiara ruin your special day.

TIME SKIP AGAIN BC IM TO LAZY

(You and Sarah shopped, got your nails done and brought a birthday outfit)

"YOUR GONNA LOOK SO PRETTY IN YOUR BIRTHDAY OUTFIT AT THE PARTY TONIGHT"

"I KNOW RIGHT"

You and Sarah laughed and made your way to her car, the too of you drive back to you house blasting super bass. As soon as you and Sarah got back you both started getting ready.

Sarah got ready in her clothes and you got ready in yours, you curled Sarah's hair and she did your make up, You and Sarah had gotten ready and you heard a knock on your door.

"Ooooooo that Must be Rafe" Sarah said as she wiggled her eyebrows

"Oh my god Shut up" you said in a playful tone as you laughed walking out of your room and to the door.

As soon as you opened the door you saw Rafe he's wearing a rainbow type polo and his hair was slicked back (as shown in gif ^^^) he had you favorite flowers in his hand. His eyes moving up and down your body as he saw what you were wearing.

(Thats what you were wearing)

"Hey pretty girl" he said as he wrapped his hands around your waist pulling you into a kiss that turned into a make out as you pulled him inside and closed the door you were pinned against the door

"Hey baby" you said in between the kisses your hands finding its way home to his hair tangling in it.

"WRAP IT UP PEOPLE WE HAVE A PARTY TO GET TO" you heard Sarah scream from the top of the stairs, "JESUS SERAH" you heard Rafe scream as you jumped a bit from Sarah screaming.

THATS RIGHT YOU GUESSED IT, TIME SKIP PEOPLE BC IM A BIT-

(You and the camerons make it to the party that was held at toppers house since his mom isnt always home)

As you walked into the party Rafes hand was on your waist (Rafe dropped Sarah back to tannyhill so she could get your gift) keeping you close to him, as you walked people greeted you and wished you happy birthday.

Soon you and Rafe saw your friend group (Kelce, Topper, (Ur brothers name), lilith, Brooke and Sarah) you guys went over to them hugs were exchanged and they all wished you a happy birthday 🎂.

IM SORRY BUT TIME SKIP BECAUSE I DONT KNOW HOW TO WRITE THEM GETTING DRINKS AND THERE CONVO'S.

Soon enough your all drunk and as high as the sky, your all on the dance floor as grind on Rafe (making him hard) but make an excuse of "your dancing and hes in your personal space" no long after you and Rafe are in a room making out as you straddle him.

SMUT INCOMING IF YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE THEN SKIP TO THE BIG GREEN LETTERS THAT SAY THAT THE SMUT HAS PASSED.

Rafe pulls you onto the bed so he's now on top of you as his body hovers over you he uses his free hand to pull the ribbons on your shoulders so it falls.

"No bra" he says as he leaves hickey's all over your breasts "prepared for me" the smirk on face only growing.

"Always"

"Jesus baby your gonna make me go fucking feral" a chuckle escaping his lips.

"Hm then I woneder what would happen to you if you found out that I have no panties on" you say biting your lip seductively as he looks at you with those gorgeous lust filled eyes you always love.

Before you could process he pulled your shorts down and his eyes widened seeing u were telling the truth in fact "could've atleast spared my cute shorts" pouting teasingly as he scoffed "baby those shorts should be the least of your worries cause when you walk out of this room ill make sure everyone has heard how good i make you feel" and with that he lowered himself onto his knees his tongue working like a God on your pussy the flicks and sucks he made to your vigina made it impossible to not cum.

"IM GONNA CUM"

"Cum baby, cum all over my tongue"

And that's what you did, you came all over his tongue, he licked you clean as he kissed his way up your body his lips eventually finding yours as he kisses you he uses his tip to tease your entrance.

"Rafe" you whine his name as he kisses your neck most definitely leaving marks. He finally puts it in earning a moan of approval from your lips, he keeps thrusting into you at an ungodly speed your moans filling the room as the sexual tension in the room rises.

You were more then sure the people outside the room could hear you but none of you could care because you both craved the others attention.

"IM GONNA CUM AGAIN"

"Me to baby, I want you to cum with me so I can feel your juice leak onto my cock as I fill you up with mine" his words finding meaning in your head, dying to fell that you finally let go, you creamed on his cock as he filled you up in return.

Rafe slowly slides out of you.

SMUT HAS PASSSD FOR ANYONE WHO WASNT COMFORTABLE READING IT.

You and Rafe got dressed again but didn't go back down to the party as you just enjoyed each other's company until you hear....

"ARE THEY DONE"

"I DONT KNOW BRO WHY DONT YOU JUST KNOCK AND FIND OUT"

The familiar voices of Kelce and Topper filling your ears as you and Rafe both look at the door then look back at each other.

As the too boys outside keep arguing you and Rafe walked over to the door and open it as they look over to you.

"Time to cut the cake" Topper says

As he walks away and Kelce follows.

"Is that all they wanted to say after arguing outside the door" you say as you look up at Rafe.

Rafe chuckles "its Topper and Kelce baby" he says as he leads you out the door to the party, you see the cake sitting on the kitchen counter. A smile creeps up in your face as you and Rafe walk over to the kitchen until your standing right in front of the cake and Rafe standing behind you.

They all start to sing happy birthday as your smile only widens.

"Make a wish and blow out the candles" your best friend Brooke says you look over at her and she gives you the "I hope your happy" look.

You close your eyes make a wish and when you open your eyes Rafe leans down to your ear and whispers

"Happy birthday, Birthday girl"

You turn around and look at him your smile melting his heart.

"Bro we get it, you too are in love just blow out the candles before I let my intrusive thoughts win" your brother states as you knew exactly what he was thinking.

You lean over your ass pressed to Rafes cock as you blew out the candles you turn around and look at Rafe as he leans down and kisses you, everything was perfect until...

You turn around at the sound of your name being called that sweet smile being wiped of your face as soon as the cake hit your top.

Tears forming in your eyes as everyone gasps Rafe immediately asks if your ok to which you don't respond you slowly look up to see who did it as you the the one person you said you weren't gonna let ruin your special day...

Kiara. She stands there grinning as everyone's taking photos of videos obviously your friends tried to stop it but you couldn't help that one tear that fell "aw what the brat cant handle it".

"Shut up Kiara" Sarah immediately says the both of them started fighting as the others tried to pull them away the light flashes and Rafes voice eventually became to much to handle so you just ran upstairs Rafe following behind you as you run into the bathroom shutting the door before he could get in.

Rafes heart breaks into a million pieces as he hears your sobs through the door. "Baby can I come in" he says softly knocking on the door you didnt answer and just stayed in the bathroom for a few minutes.

Your crying had eventually stopped but you didn't want to come out of the bathroom, Rafe was still outside you knew this because you could hear his feet tapping anxiously on the floor waiting for you to open the door.

You felt bad for leaving Rafe outside so you got off the floor and wiped some of the cake off your outfit and skin then you went over to the door and unlocked it.

As soon as you did the door opened to reveal a worried Rafe, he wraps his arms around you as you bury your head into his chest letting the familiar smell of his cologne comfort you as you softly cry into his chest.

"Shhhhhhh its ok baby" he says as comfortingly as he can. In all honesty Rafe didnt know how to comfort you because most of the time it was the other way around usually after fights with his dad the 2 of you would be in his bed just cuddling while u comfort him and encourage him into talking out his feelings.

Eventually your crying stopped but you kept your head buried in his chest until you both heard a knock at the door.

"Who is it" Rafe asked slightly annoyed that someone ruined the peaceful moment.

"Open the fucking door Rafe I need to see if my 4lifer is ok"

You giggled as you heard the voice of Sarah.

"Jesus fine"

As soon as the door opened Sarah rushed through the door with a gift box in her hand as she hugged you she said "im so sorry Y/n I promise i didnt invite her she just showed up"

"Hey hey hey its fine its not your fault anyways" you reassured her.

"ANYWAYS" Sarah said not wanting to start crying on your birthday.

"I got you this and I think it might be useful in this situation" she says handing u a gift box

"Oh and I kicked Kiara out by the way"

"Thanks" you say as you take the gift box from her and put it on the counter opening it.

Rafe peaked his head in to see what's inside and you immediately hug Sarah.

"Thank you I love it so much" you exclaim

(This was the gift sarah got you...or any other outfit of choice)

"Your welcome!" Sarah said

"Are you guys just going to ignore me or are yous gonna acknowledge me" Rafe said clearly annoyed with the lack of attention he was getting.

You just giggled and pecked his lips

"You gonna put it on" Rafe asked

"Yup"

"Can I watch" Rafe asked with his iconic smirk.

"Ofcourse you can" you said with your iconic teasing pout.

Sarah then cleared her throat "still here ya know" she spoke rolling her eyes and walking out the door as you giggled.

Rafe then closed the door and you got changed.

You changed you clothes throwing them in toppers basket for dirty clothes and touched you makeup up.

You and Rafe soon walked out of the bathroom after making out and went back down stairs.

Everyone of course looked at you whispering to there friends but you didn't care you just carried on partying with you best friends.

-------------------------------------------------------

Thanks for reading sweets. I hope you enjoyed my first ever fic 💖

#rafe cameron #rafe cameron smut #rafe fluff #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe x y/n #outerbanks rafe #rafe obx #rafe cameron birthday fanfic #drew starkey #birthday #Rafe birthday #rafecamronzwhore #y/n #outer banks #rafe cameron fluff #rafe cameron one shot #rafe cameron fic #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron imagine

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crabussy · 28 days

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Hi robin hope you're doing good!! Are there any places to see or things to do you'd recommend for someone visiting Aotearoa for the first time?

hi its actually francis but I'm just as (if not more but don't tell him I said that hehehe) fanatic about aotearoa!!! I'm happy to help out. I'm gonna write a bit and leave this in drafts and then rob can finish it off cause its reaaaally late!! eek!! I gotta sleep because there's hiking happening tomorrow!

waitomo glowworm caves are great but ACTUALLY!!! I DON'T RECOMMEND THE SUPER FAMOUS ONE!!!! it's nice but it's not so long and the photos you see online are usually better than the experience you get. try out ruakuri caves in waitomo instead!! they're pretty much right next to the most popular caves, but they're longer, deeper, contain more interesting formations AND glow worms as well!! not as many as the main one. it depends on what you're looking for!!! there's a SUPER COOL motel called woodlyn park where you can stay in an old boat, an old tram, an old plane or a hobbit house that have all been converted into rooms. it's really cool!! might be a bit costly though

SWIM SOMEWHERE IF YOU CAN!!!! a river, an estuary, a beach. check water quality first!! beaches are probably your best bet! one of my favourite things in the world to do is swim at the beaches in aotearoa. I have yet to see a beach that makes me happier than the ones here!

some REALLY COOL TOWNS include rotorua (super stinky geothermal hotspot!!! so cool!!!!! bright green lakes!!!) and ahuriri (art deco town!! they actually hold a 1920s inspired festival there yearly if I'm remembering right!), <- francis went to bed at this point HI its robin now. what the freak is up guess I'm writing the rest of this post. also I'm DEFINITELY the bigger fanatic don't listen to her. liar liar pants on fire etc

UM!!! DEFINITELY hike/do a day walk if you can. I fucking LOVE hiking here it's always beautiful. in te ika-a-māui (north island) I really enjoy the waitākere ranges, there's currently a rāhui for some areas but I went hiking last weekend and the trail I went on was really lovely. there are quite a few to choose from!! I went along exhibition drive and the beveridge track, entering from titirangi village.

we're well known for our native birds, but as many of them are endangered you might have trouble seeing many of them. I'd recommend tiritiri matangi, an amazing conservation island off the shore of tāmaki makaurau. it can be pricey to visit but the sheer number of birds to be seen there is wonderful!!! you can even see takahē, as well as kiwi at night. the cost of the ticket goes towards the conservation being done on the island.

if you have a chance to experience a kapa haka performance or attend a māori festival GO. GO GO GO. it's always incredible, the power and just. joyous fierce pride people put into the waiata and haka is amazing. if you go around june-july, you'll be there for matariki celebrations!!! experience them. there'll be lots of events happening in major cities like tāmaki makaurau and pōneke.

if you're up for a bit of camping, motutara farm is an absolute gem. it's in whananaki, and needs to be booked WAY in advance but my god its marvelous. the beach is wonderful the rockpools are fascinating the walks are incredible and the camping sites are so lovely. you will have to deal with long drops.

genuinely, and I'm so serious, if you end up in the north island LET ME KNOW!!!! I love meeting up with people and if you end up in the city I live in, I'd love to show you around!!! there's a walk I really love in my town that I'd be happy to take you on.

there's so much more but these are my (and francis's) top picks!!!! I love these islands so much. there's so much to be experienced. I WILL ALSO SAY!!! the public transport is very good. you can mostly rely on it especially in cities.

#aotearoa #new zealand #listen to my gibberish boy #ask tag #I FEEL LIKE I KNOW YOU.... I MIGHT JUST NOT RECOGNISE YOUR USERNAME #long post

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slutttttttttttttttt69 · 5 months

Text

Why, In my opinion, "Spiracle" is the ideal song for Sebaciel.

In case you are unfamiliar with the song I am referring to, it is titled "Spiracle" and performed by Flowerface.

I've got way too much time on my hands and I'm seriously lacking sleep, so I thought I'd write this thread.

But before we dive in, let me recommend Flowerface.

Besides having this amazing song, they've quickly become one of my favorite artists and have much more to offer than this.

So, without any more delay, let's get started!

WARNING!

I'm just a teenager looking to have a good time, so please don't take any of this too seriously.

So, I came across this song while scrolling through Sebaciel playlists, and boom, there it was.

Since the very first time I laid my ears on it, I couldn't get enough of that tune. It's got this spooky, eerie, yet strangely comforting vibe that fits perfectly with Sebaciel aesthetic.

Little did I know, it was just the tip of the iceberg.

Personally, I'm drawn to music primarily because of its lyrics. So, it was only natural for me to do some digging on them. Let me tell you, I was far from disappointed...

The first verse goes:

I want the parts of you you only show

To the corner of your bathroom mirror

I want the parts of your hand-grenade heart

That beat slowly with anger and fear

Yall can already guess where Im going with this.

This is how Sebastian sees Ciel from his point of view,how he is expressing a desire for intimacy and emotional connection with him.He is asking to see the hidden, vulnerable parts of Ciels emotions and thoughts. The lines about the mirror and heart represent a desire to create a safe space for him, to let his defenses down and open themself up.Personally, I have observed Sebastian's deeper affection towards Ciel compared to Ciel's feelings towards Sebastian.Ironic.

I want the parts of you you only show

To the birds outside your bedroom window

I want the teeth that you lost as a child

That you hide in a box under your pillow

These lyrics express a similar desire for closeness and intimacy, but with a focus on the Ciels younger self. There may be a reference to the idea of lost innocence, and a wish to go back in time to find those parts of the Ciels childhood that he feels he no longer has. The notion of a box which is hidden under a pillow may represent Ciel's feeling of embarrassment over his experiences, or perhaps his lack of acceptance of the past.

YALL SEE THE VISION RIGHT?

I want your quiet, your screaming and thrashing

The salt on your lips and the hands that God gave you

And I want your violence, your silent sedation

Your moon eyes, your telescope, morbid fixation

NOW THIS IS WHERE IT GETS REAL.

Sebastian is looking for the extremes and complexities of Ciel, wanting access to his intense passions, aggression, and pain. The reference to salt on lips suggest Sebastians hunger and desire for physical intimacy, while the mention of morbid fixation suggests an interest in the dark, twisted, and perhaps taboo aspects of the other Ciels psyche.Not to mention the violence part.

Do I really have to explain further? This verse delves into Sebastian's willingness to assist Ciel in seeking revenge, his patience with Ciel's outbursts, his understanding of Ciel's complexities, and his unwavering love for him despite it all.

And I want your pyro, your born-again virgin

Your hands on my insides, your fingertips crawling

And I want your Jesus, your suicide mission

Your lips on the microphone, soft disposition

The lyrics reveal a longing for intense physical closeness and sexual discovery.Sebastian who is eager to delve into Ciel's raw desires and untamed passion, craving deep and intimate connection. The phrase "born-again virgin" hints at a willingness to embrace his primal urges, showing a sense of surrender. And let's not forget the religious undertones - "I want your Jesus" says it all. Ciel's quest for revenge is his suicide mission.

UGH.

And I want your parties, the shark in your water

The scrapes on your knees and the blood that spills over

And I want your zeroes, your polluted marrow

The sweat on your palms and your surveillance shadow

The shark in the water speaks of a danger or threat, while the scrapes on knees and flowing blood speak of pain and violence. The notion of zeros could represent Ciel's emptiness and absence, while the polluted marrow suggests his idea of a loss of purity and sickness. The line about the sweat on the palms and surveillance shadow ties in with Ciel's paranoia and anxiety. All of these themes show Sebastian's desire to experience the full range of emotions and physical sensations, including those that may be difficult or uncomfortable. I LOVE THEM.

I want your secrets, your clementine fields

The ropes that you climb up, the parts that won't heal

I want your safe word, your passive resistance

The sickness you foster, your favorite addictions

Dude. "I want your safe word" HELLO?

"THE PARTS THAT WONT HEAL" !!!!!

ALSO the mention of the clementine fields can refer to Ciel's of innocence and childhood naivety. The lines about ropes represent Sebastian's desire to explore and heal the Ciel's past wounds.

And I want your nightmares, the ghost in your doorway

Your paralyzed sleep and your *scream*

I want you, butterfly, I want you, sailor

I am your lover and I am your jailor

These are pretty self explenatory,thats why they are my favorite.

Just too much paralles.

This is what I see when they say "I want your nightmares,the ghost in your doorway"

Sebastian's perception of Ciel as a butterfly holds significant meaning, symbolizing hope, transformation, and rebirth. Through his affection for Ciel, Sebastian finds hope and undergoes a profound change, shedding his cold demeanor. The butterflies also embody notions of freedom, earthly beauty, love, and the human soul. Similarly, Ciel can be likened to a "sailor" due to his curiosity, yearning for the unknown, and hidden passion. Sebastian, as both Ciel's lover and literal jailor, perfectly aligns with their contractual bond. Bound to Ciel until the end of his life, Sebastian consumes his soul, sealing Ciel to him until the end of Sebastian's own existence.

Alrighty then! That's the complete song for you. Maybe I'll consider doing "Cornflower blue" next. I really hope you all enjoyed this. And hey, I'd be thrilled if you could drop some comments and share your perspective on this. It would mean the world to me!

#black butler #black butler season 4 #kuroshitsuji #sebaciel #sebastian x ciel #proship #antis dni #anti anti #proship friendly #proshippers are valid #proshippers please interact #proshipper safe #book of circus #book of atlantic #book of murder #public school arc #Spotify

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sonicblueartist · 1 year

Text

𝐁𝐎𝐃𝐘 𝐒𝐖𝐀𝐏

Part.i - Part.ii - Part iii -

Author Note: I couldn't help it

Masterlist

𝐑𝐄𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐃: Yes || No

Pairings: Tails x Reader

They/them // She/her // He/him // Other

Summery; Simple. You two switch bodies and had to face with the different life styles you two in, until you guys switch back of course.

A/n: Does anyone want to be in the tag list?

Warnings: Hiperventing, cursing, etc.

Word Count: 2994

Have Fun!

You fiddled over your fingers as you sit and not so carefully listen to Sonic's oh so dangerous and fun adventure. No matter how you force yourself to listen to him and tell yourself it’s important you can’t seem to focus. There is this feeling you wanted to look away everytime you tried to focus on him. Your ears twitching with every weird little noise. Your eyes can’t stay focused on his face or eyes or mouth. You keep losing your focus, it becomes blurry and you keep blinking…. You tried everything to just…. seem like you’re listening to him, hopefully it’s working.

“Tails?”

Just how can you not focus?! It should be easy! Agh! So much noise, giving you a headache! Your tails twitching, you can feel them becoming sore, so uncomfortable! Aren’t you sitting right? Why are they hurting!? You feel so out of your skin.

“Tails.”

You tighten your fists, your body is so tense, this is all so wrong. Your ears are ringing once again. You could hear your rapid heart beat. So fast, so fast! You can’t breathe, it's so stuffy in here, your chest hurts. It’s hard to breathe, suffocating you in this cage. It hurts! You should have never touched that STONE, NOW YOU’RE GONNA DIE!!! PLEASE NO

“TAILS!!”

You leap on your seat nearly falling out of your place. Yours and Sonic's eyes met, staring at each other. You were shaking so slightly. You notice how quick and short your breathing become. You quickly try to fix it. Were you having a panic attack just now?? Sonic looks so quiet and... worried, serious? So scary and out of character for him… You never saw this side of him before. Your mouth was so dry...

His eyes travel to your hands, you glance down also. Oh god…. you– he has claws?! You didn’t know that! You didn't feel anything about their presence either. He has retractable CLAWS!!!? AND THEY ARE DIGGING ON THE SIDE OF THE TABLE!?

“Oh, ah…” You tried to get them out but that didn’t work. You use more force, “Come on, come on!” You are wobbling the table now.

“Hey, hey. Calm down. Be careful. You're gonna hurt yourself.” Sonic stepped in and gently grabbed your hands, tenderly freeing your claws.

You stare at them, your gloves were ripped off because of the claws. You frowned. How are you gonna… put them in? Your breathing sped up once again. Why is this happening to you? Why hasn't this stopped yet?! You’re so tired dealing with this!

“Hey, hey. It’s okay. Look at me please.” Sonic gently patted your back. You couldn’t look at him, your head spins.

“I want you to take a deep breath now. And tell me 5 things you can see.”

You tightly closed your eyes and hid your hands on your lap. You took a shaky breath and looked at him. You were confused but you listened to him, “I… can see you?” You glanced around, “I can see a window. I can see uh.. my hands? Uh, no, wait–” Why did you say that!? You don’t want to be reminded of your obvious claws!

“It’s okay. You’re doing amazing! Please continue.”

You force yourself to glance around again, “I can see a pot, I can see… birds… Is this enough? Did I count five?” You want all of this over and just sleep like none of this happened.

“Yes, you did it so good! Now can you tell me 4 things you can feel?”

You huffed and closed your eyes, “I can feel… my tails. It’s a little hot here... I can feel… my bangs. I feel… nervous? I don’t know, what else?…”

“Now can you tell me 3 things you can hear?”

“Ah, that’s an easy one.” You smiled, “I can hear your voice. I can hear my heart beat. I can hear… birds?”

“Can you tell me 2 things you can smell?”

You sniffed and chuckled, “Well, I can definitely smell the chili from you. And some mint over the cabinets.”

“One thing you can taste?”

“That’s definitely mint.”

Sonic chuckled at your answers.

You smiled and thanked Sonic. You understand what he was trying to do and it definitely worked. And you're grateful for that.

Wow, you don’t know how he knows this or where he learned about this but you shouldn’t be surprised. He is a hero after all. He’s probably dealing with all these all the time. He didn’t even panic once...

“You okay now?” He smiled gently, and caressed your arm.

“I’m fine.” You grinned cheerfully, still a little uncomfortable but trying to get used to it.

Sonic didn’t look convinced but nodded nevertheless and smiled back, ”If you say so…”

You get to your feet, with the help of the table. Jeez you were forgetting how short you become, “Now if you excuse me… I… want to take a bath… You can… do whatever you wanna do?” You grinned nervously. Thankfully Sonic nodded and patted your head, “Of course. But… I won’t be staying much longer…” He sighed upset, “I know I promise to spend more time with you but I need to go and—”

“It’s fine!” He looked surprised. You didn’t mean to interrupt him so quickly… “I mean, it’s cool. Really! There are so many people who need your help, and it’s totally normal! We can… spend time later.”

Sonic grinned, “It’s a deal then. If I don’t come around until tomorrow morning then I’ll buy you all the mints you want but if I come I want chilidogs.”

You rolled your eyes, “Yeah, of course, it sounds good.”

“Take care, alright?” He gently nudges your side with his fist.

You smiled, “I’ll be fine, Sonic. Don’t worry, you go.”

He nodded, “I know you will be.” He added, “Oh, and you should go change your gloves.”

You two said your farewells and he left. You wave behind him and close the door. You were thankful that he didn’t question your behavior.

“Fınally! Thank god! Agh!” All of this seems like Tails saying it, not you. And it feels... odd. You’re using his voice.

You can make him say whatever you wish.

You grinned mischievously. You hold a lot of power in your hands right now.

But first, you gotta handle this ‘claw’ station, even though you are more calm now, they are still visible. I mean if your theory is correct then they must work along with your emotional state right? When you feel smother and cornered, your fight and flight instinct kicked in, you believe. Tails probably knows better. You should ask him… without seeming blunt…. but how?

You leaned over his door to his workshop, “Heyyy Tails? Howzit going?”

“What did you do?” He didn’t even look at you. He seems to be having trouble getting used to your body also.

“Nothing? That was a genuine question?”

He glanced at you, “What do you think? I’m still researching this… stone.”

“You didn’t find anything?”

“Other than it switches the minds of its users? No.” He gave a harsh glance.

Ouch… It was your fault so… It’s fine.

You sighed, stepping inside, “I’m sorry.”

He sighed and finally looked at you, “It’s okay. I’m sorry also… I’m just… tired.”

You nodded, “I understand.” You added with a smile, “I’m in your body after all. But seriously you need to sleep more. Your sleep schedule is like shit.”

He shook his head, "Of course it is. Don't question it much though. I'm nocturnal."

"Wait, really?"

He nodded positively as an answer, “I hope you didn’t fall again?”

You proudly posed, “Nope! I think I’m getting good at that!” You carefully walked towards him, “Yep, I’m good.”

He playfully rolled his eyes, “You need to practice your walk though. You’re walking like an astronaut.”

You feel your face burning, are you blushing? “Yeah, you’re right…” Wearing nothing, your mind screaming the alert that you are naked but at the same time your fur keeping you so warm feels like you’re already clothed up. But you’re so used to wearing something, obviously, you don’t think you can be able to walk outside so calmly about this.

“Is… that a bad thing?”

“In space? No. Here? Definitely. Especially if you want to blow our cover. Did Sonic leave?”

“Yeah…”

He sighed, you sensed he’s a little upset over it, “Good. This will make things easier and faster.”

You bite your lip and regret it quickly, flinching away, you shake your head at your repeated mistake. You keep forgetting his teeth are sharper than yours.

You looked down at your hands, “Hey, can I ask a hypothetical question?”

He continued working, “...Sure.”

You drummed your fingers against your hands, “Suppose a person is very frightened and feels threatened. And if they take out their…claws. How can it be solved?” Really? That was the best come up you could do against a genius?

You watched him carefully, he didn’t even react, “Just try to calm that person’s nerves. The rest will come naturally.”

So, he knew what you were trying to do? But you’re already calm! That didn’t help at all… Or maybe you’re still freaking out. Seeing how hot the place still feels like, you figured it’s a yes.

You sighed sitting down on a pillow nearby. You gently take off your gloves and freeze. Oh god no way! He has PAWS. You try so hard to not squeal over this. How cute! Your claws make it a little bit scary though…

You grabbed your tails and made them separate around you so you could sit better. You try to think about things that can calm you further. Maybe learning more about this ‘new situation’ can make you feel better? Everyone gets scared of the unknown. Feeling like you’re comfortable with it might make you finally be at ease.

What do you like to do? Or, what he likes to do?

You don’t know what to ask, do or think at this point.

Your ears twitch with Tails’ frustrated groan. You look up confused until you understand he accidentally hits his head on a cabinet while getting up. You grabbed your ears feeling his pain, metaphorically of course.

“You okay?”

“I’m gonna get brain damage I swear.” He groaned, rubbing his head. He paused, “Or... you gonna get one. Sorry about that. I still couldn’t get used to–”

“It’s fine. I couldn’t either.” You waved it off with a smile.

He sighed and shook his head, “Y/n, I have bad and good news. Which one do you wanna hear first?”

“Uh, bad one first?”

He couldn’t even face you, he looked so disappointed, “I… can’t figure this out. At least from here. I tried everything. Nothing. We need to find another one. This one is just… a normal stone now. It's drained. Even though it is the exact same gem that transformed us, which is understandable I guess. We need to search for a charged one. And I have no idea where we could begin to search. Because I already scanned the area where we found this one, and did not detect any abnormal power surges at all. We need to go and search by ourselves. Because I have a theory that my detectors won’t be useful for sensing any of their energies. These are all for detecting chaos energies not… whatever this is.”

You hummed in thought then grinned wanting to cheer him up, “Hey, it’s fine! This means we are going on an adventure by ourselves. It will be fun!”

Tails wanted to say something but instead smiled, “Yeah… We never… go on an adventure… just the two of us. And we could learn better to deal with our disadvantages and get comfortable with our… differences.”

You nodded, "So, what's the good news?"

"This… thing has no after effects nor has a time limit kind of thing. It's not going to wear off until we find another one."

"So, we're stuck like this forever?"

"Until we find another one."

"Can you remind me, how is this good news?"

"It has no after effects. It's not going to kill or hurt us. Isn't this enough?"

"No, you're right."

You notice Tails keeps pushing his hair back with an annoyed face. Not having ears like yours nor that much hair he didn't know what to do in this situation. You smiled and got up.

"Wait lemme help you with that." You reach for a hair clip as Tails listens and sit down for you to reach him. You remove a tuft of hair out of his face as he carefully watches you.

"Is this better?" You asked after removing the hair out of his eyes.

He smiled at you, a red tint appearing on his cheeks, "Yes, thank you."

You swallowed harshly, "Ah, it was no problem!"

He hummed, noticing your ruined gloves on the ground, "Let's find you another pair of gloves. There need be a spare couple in my room."

You looked down on your hands. The claws were gone making you sigh in relief, and confuses you too.

You walk up to the ruined pair and sighed, "I'm sorry about this…"

"No problem, I can sew them again."

You looked up in surprise, "You can sew?"

He nodded, "Yes."

"That's really cool!"

He smiled, "Thanks! Now, let's go shall we?"

You waited outside of his door frame as he walked around in his bedroom searching for his gloves. "You sure you want me to get inside your room?"

"For the last time- yes! Why wouldn't I want to? It seems like you need to get used to such things too! You're in my body!"

"Yes but–"

"Y/n, please come here."

You sighed, finally accepting and took your first step into his room.

"See? Nothing happened."

"What if I see something… personal?"

"You won't. I don't… possess any. Just a few pictures with Sonic and others here and there."

He was right. Actually his house was donated with frames of his friends and him.

You sit on his bed as you continue glancing around more comfortably while he searches.

"Want me to help out?"

"Naah, it's fine. Where the hell did I put those pairs?!"

You stop watching him as your eyes land on a frame next to his bed. It was a picture of you and him. You smiled tenderly. That day was a chaos, so many things happened but in the end, you two end up eating your favorite flavored ice creams anyway! Smiling at the camera while you two hold those carifully, you wondered why Tails chose this day to keep close to himself.

"Tails?"

He hummed.

"I didn't know you still had this photo! Even framed! This is from the times when we first met! I can't believe you actually keep it. Wow, that day was exhausting."

Tails chuckled, "I don't know what you're talking about. I kept every photo I took and framed the important ones all the time."

"So, I'm important?" You grinned with a playfull manner.

He turned to you finally finding the pairs, "Of course you are." He handed the gloves to you.

"We're friends aren't we?"

"Yeah…… we are." You didn't know why this phrase affected you so much. It was true. You two were just friends.

You wore your new pairs. Before anyone can say anything else the heavy silence interrupted with your phone ringing.

You glance at Tails as he picks up his phone.

"Ah, Amy's calling? Is there a specific reason you can think of why?"

You thought about it. Why would Amy call you? Is today a special day? No?

"Come on! If I don't open up she will get worried and suspicious!"

"I don't remember any special event!"

"Then it must be important. I'm opening it."

"Wait, if it is so important, why is she calling me from my phone?"

"You don't have a communicator?"

"I don't have what?"

"How? I should have built you one! Forget it. We will worry about that later." He answered the call.

Before he could talk Amy beat him up to it, "Y/n! Why didn't you answer?! Did something happen? You okay?! I'm coming over!!"

"Wait!!!" He chuchkled awkwardly, "There's nothing to be worried about Amy, because well I was…. showering?"

"Ah, I see. You finally decided to come! Perfect! I was going to ask you if you were coming! Be ready in an hour! I'll pick you up, okay? Okay. I'll see you later, love ya, bye!" And she closed the call.

Tails raised a brow, "So, you didn't know, huh?"

"Oops, I forgot about that…" You chuckled nervously, "You can't blame me with all this 'body swap' thing going on! It completely got out of my mind!"

"Okay, okay. So, what do Amy want?"

"You're gonna hate me for this." You grabbed your ears in embarrassment.

Tails rolled his eyes with a smile, "Come on! Nothing can be worse than grocery shopping! I can handle that! And when we finish we can go search for the gem. If there are no other interruptions that we don't know about?"

"There isn't anything that I know of, what about you?"

"If I don't count my little date with my gadgets, then none and none."

You rolled your eyes at that, "Okay…. Listen, what Amy wants is probably gonna take your whole day and will shake you on edge for specific reasons. But I'm sure you can handle it. And I'll be there too! So don't worry, okay?"

Tails deadpanned, "Tell me what's going on."

"There are a lot of perks and downsides about being a girl but—"

"Just tell me!"

You finally spilled out, "It's a girl's day!... and a night too..."

You nervously stared waiting for a reaction from him. He just looked back.

He sighed and walked out of the room, "This will scar me all my life."

#allenwrites #sonic the hedgehog #miles tails prower #one shot #body swap #tails x reader #sonic x reader #tails #sonic

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smilesrobotlover · 4 months

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A smile for smiles:

:)))))

So l got the notification when you first posted the chapter of love at twilight, but l've just now been able to read it and I love it of course. I was so so excited for Edmund and Zelda backstories and bonding rkdfijfofkh

I wanted to ask if Auru knows about Kori yet? You've probably already said that somewhere sorry, I'm just curious about what his thoughts are.

And Ashei ahhhh I love her so much- you've done so amazing I love how you've incorporated the resistance's different language styles and kept their traits from in game.

Also I literally love Amber and the detail of her loving birds- she talks to her mom about birds and then she's cuddling a stuffed bird... oh my heart

... did... did half asleep Sheik just stumble into the same rooms as Link and Rusl? If I reread right they both went to the first room... bless them they just need sleep. You don't have to answer that I just don't trust my eyes right now I'm too tired. But not as tired as every character apparently is right now

I love your writing so much, and the whole time I've been rereading it I was just in awe like... this is something you're capable of and you can do this and write these stories and just. Gosh you're so cool.

If I worded anything wierd or wrong or something sorry... I'm tired. But your writing makes me smile so much, thank you.

:))

OIUHFKDBDK I needed this!!! 🥺🥺 thank you for the kind words they indeed made this smiles smile :D work kicked my BUTT so this fueled me 🧡🧡

And thank youuuu I’m so proud of this chapter, mostly cuz despite its not action packed, it’s very much character-developing packed, so I’m so happy everyone likes it!! And yeah Edmund has no respect for Hyrule but he does respect Zelda and that’s mostly cuz of his past experience with her :) he’s a fun character to explore

And yes, Auru knows Kori! All the resistance do! It was hard to Link to introduce his son to them and they were out off by a Twili but they grew to understand and care about him!

Thank youuuu I try not to overuse the “yeah?” And “old boy” language that Ashei and shad have cuz that can get super annoying but I’m glad it’s going well!

And yesss that detail just kinda happened XD it’s cute!

Haha yeah that’d be pretty funny huh haha

Anyways thanks so much for this it made me so happy!! 🥺🥺

#asks #love at twilight

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kolour-me-kourt · 3 months

Text

Chapter Seven: Pink Dress

The sex that was just had couldn't be put into words it lasted forever and he never wanted to stop she lost count of how many orgasms she had. But she would never forget how deep he was inside of her and how he made her feel. She'll remember the people in the next room knocking on the wall to tell her to quiet down she'll remember the headboard constantly beating on the wall and his lips being on every inch of her body she'll remember his chain hitting her in the face with each stroke and his hand wrapped around her throat tightly.... She'll remember it all.

He made it that way on purpose. He needed her to make her way back to him because he wasn't through with her yet regardless of what he said he liked her... a lot and he looked forward to seeing her but her decision to suddenly stop the sex because she wanted more ... didn't make sense to him. So he did what he knew how to do and that's fuck her just the way she likes she never had to tell him what she likes he just knew her body inside and out he knew when to tease her he knew when to give her his all or ease up he knew her.

But now that was all over..... according to her. He had just finished putting his clothes on as she watched him completely mesmerized. Her body glowed she hadn't felt that good in a while. Goodbye sex hit different Her face was relaxed In a smile. He stared down at her taking mental pictures. "So this is bye fr? Or you've changed your mind?" She bit her lip. Sitting up she covered her body with the blanket and began to speak

"That was amazing .... But I still have to let this go for my sake I could really fall for you and then I'll just be stuck.... Stuck loving you from the background stuck waiting on you and stuck being number Two and I'm just too damn good for that... you can agree with that" He came back closer to her grabbing her head gently kissing her lips and her forehead staring deep in her eyes. "Yeah you are completely right you deserve somebody who can give you more than I can right now but selfishly I want you around so if you ever wanna come back around just hit my line? Okay?" "Okay" He kissed her one last time his fingers went under the blanket and slowly entered her making her gasp.

"Give me one more before I go" her back arched as she grabbed his arm digging her nails in as she moaned and grinded against his hand. "I'm really gon miss this pussy ... it's so damn good" "Fuck... mmmm" she said softly his thumb rubbed her sensitive clit and she released all over his hand. Her eyes were closed but he watched her cum taking her all in.He needed to remember her just like that. He sighed pulling away from her "Alright I gotta catch my plane in a couple hours soooo...I gotta go" he kissed her again "goodbye LaMelo be safe" he walked towards the door slowly "hopefully this isn't really good bye" he says before shutting the door. She lays down calming her breathing down.

This was a new chapter in her life.... And it was gonna be worth it. She settled in the bed drifting off to sleep. The next morning when she woke up she took her time getting up then she brushed her teeth took a bird bath and went and worked out after she worked out she came back in taking a shower she hadn't heard from Jayson until he texted. "It'll be tickets at the door saved under your name" "oooou professional I would've bought my own tickets though " "well now you don't have too.... can't wait to see you" "Ditto💕"

Everytime she moved her body she could still feel Melo she was so tempted to text or call him and hadn't even been 12 hours yet. Is it wrong to have two boyfriends? I mean neither has committed to her so why does she have to be committed to either of them. She's sure Jayson isn't a saint he's a NBA player he's getting some from some where it's no way he's not. Why can't she do the same? And when and if he wants to be official she'll just drop Melo. But what if she can't ever truly drop Melo should she just stay in the shadows ... what should she do?

A few hours passed by and she was at the game with her friend once again. She dressed very boho chic today a cute plain black top with black and white polka dotted pants with wide pant legs and cute sandals that showed her fresh pedicure and her faux Locs was pulled up into a high bun. "So you and Jaylen 👀" YN says smirking at her friend looking her up and down "I haven't spoken to him since that night" YN gasped "did you fuck?" "Yeah and uh it was decent but I was expecting more it's my fault really" "more in what way?"

" aggression? Idk like you saw how we were in the club he was tonguing me down and when we got back to my place he turned into a little puppy like I had to guide him but he did put it down but I don't like feeling like I have to take charge🙄" "it's cause you're not patient😂 he probably would've stepped up"

"hmmm maybe so but regardless he hasn't hit me up so maybe I was wack" "I doubt it he might text it's just been two days" "speaking of two days ... what made you stay? I love having you in my city but you're never here this long" "You right and a little birdie told me he would make it worth my while... so I'm trying it out" "J.T?" "Mhmm" YN naturally bit her lip thinking about him "aye if y'all get together then I'll see you more... I'm here for it" "shittt me too but if you miss me friend come and see me😩😩"

And finally the national anthem was sung and the players were called individually she watched as Jayson glanced up into the stands to try and find her but he didn't see her yet. But the game was about to start. So he started to focus. Jayson,Jaylen and three of their teammates took the floor.

"Maybe Jaylen will work for you" YN said softly to her friend "we will see ..." "what about doctor bae?" "He still trippin after our date got canceled he hasn't planned another one and I tried too yesterday but he came up with excuses shit pointless Fr" "that sucks cause he seemed sweet" "they always seem sweet in the beginning" YN sighed " yeah man 🥺"

*Time Skip*

It took until half time but he finally saw her in the stands his team was only down by 5 it's been a close game this whole time. She loved the way he looked up at her like she was a new opportunity he saw something in her that she didn't see in herself yet. When the game started back up it's like he had a second wind. He had made an additional 15 point points in the third quarter and by the time the game ended he had 58 points which is super close to beating his record. With him going off like that they won the game the Grizzles had no clue what to do they weren't expecting that at all.

After the game she had planned on getting dinner and then going to sleep. Jayson would be spending time with his son for the night and then his mother would get him tomorrow and that's when she would see Jayson. She was nervous about it honestly she had no clue what they would be doing but hopefully they get to know eachother and become friends and maybe build to more she was excited for the future .

*the next day*

It was three in the afternoon and Jayson was downstairs waiting for her. He decided to keep his plans a secret. YN didn't like surprises too much because she like to know what she should dress for. Like if they were doing something fun and then going out to dinner at nice restaurant maybe some jeans and a cute shirt so she could move if they were going bowling she needed socks it's multiple things she wanted to know but he told her nothing so she settled on a maxi dress she put heels in her bag to dress it up

For dinner but it was comfortable enough that if they had a picnic or went walking she would be fine in her sandals. Her jewelry was champagne colored. He was outside the car for her which made her smile. "You look beautiful I love your hair" she had decided to take her faux Locs out since she was anxious about the date so it took her mind off it so now her hair was in high puff. "Thank you ... you look nice too" his look was casual but she found him so sexy.

After he said thank you he opened her door letting her in and then he shut the door after her. Then he got into the car he glanced at her. She smiled "Do you wanna tell me where you are taking me JT" "oooou you calling me JT now?" He pulls off "that's what other people been calling you I thought I would just fall in line" he laughed

"don't be like others be different" she smiled "okay stop switching the subject" "you like how I did that huh?" "Nahhh you too slick you almost got me" she laughed "okay last time ima ask can I at least get a hint?" "I guess you can get a hint.... It's one of my favorite spots I think you'll like it it's a nice day" "hmmm so is it outside" "yeah it's outside" "I'm dressed okay for it though?" "You're dressed perfect" she smiled "thank you"

"you seem a little more shy today what's going on?" "I'm not trying to be... I'm just digesting everything and I was drunk the first time you met me drunk YN is a different type of girl but I am a little nervous I'll be honest" "hmmm why?" "Dates make me nervous.... Spending time with new people make me nervous I'm a home body" "mmm I get that I do I'm laid back myself so I appreciate you spending time here choosing to stay a few days to get to know me I know you could be doing better things" "I don't wanna be anywhere else .... I'm enjoying my time here " she smiled he grabbed her hand softly. " well don't be nervous or shy....I'll guide through it all" She wondered if that was layered like what would he guide her through just the date? Or the whole relationship since she was timid but she felt like that question was too loaded for the playful mood they were in so she remained quiet

When they were close to their destination she glanced out the window "oh wow that is so beautiful I haven't seen anything like this" "that's where we going so I'm glad you like it" he smiled wide she glanced at him "you had this planed or are you just stopping cause I like it?" He laughed "it's the plan.... We have a tour guide and everything" "oh my goshhh I'm so excited .... What's the name of this place?"

"Charles River it has a lot of nice spots" he parks the car "so do you always take people here?" he laughs as they get out of the car. "Nah I wouldn't recycle no place with you" he waits for her behind the car as she fixes her dress and grabs her bag walking back to meet him. "Wellll maybe you can come to my city some time ... if you like me by the end of the night" she grabs his hand make the first move he smiles squeezing her hand quickly and then keeping a strong hold on it. He was glad she initiated touching him cause he was trying to respect her space and boundaries but now he knows she's open.

They headed to the bridge to meet the person giving them a tour "I'm sure I will still like you" "you know what I couldn't stop thinking about the other night?" "Nah enlighten me?" "That kiss..... you kissed me like you've been waiting for me" he smiled laughing slightly "maybe I have..... like I don't go out that much but I happen to meet you the one time I choose to go out with Jaylen you weren't supposed to be out either but you ended up out .... Now how that work....I deserve you" she smiled "I'm not perfect at all I'm a little Fucked up" "and that's fine cause I am too but like I said .... I deserve you" they finally make it over the hill where the tour guide introduces himself and walks them to a golf cart. YN was great that it would be some space between him and them

"You guys can sit on the back and I can talk you through things or I can just drive and if you guys have questions you can ask" "which do you prefer?" YN asks smiling "honestly the latter it's all self explanatory except for a few historical moments you may enjoy" "okay you don't have to explain everything then" YN laughed slightly as they sat down "thank you mam..... I wish I gave more people like you tours..... ima huge fan by the way" he glances back at Jayson turning the golf cart on

"thank you sir" YN says making a joke Jayson shakes his head "thank you man" Jayson says smiling "you're welcome .... alright let's go!!!" The tour guide got hype all of sudden speeding off making Jayson and YN laugh. "Mind if I play my radio?" The tour guide asked "no man you can call play it" Jayson says so the Tour guide turns it on

"now back to you" Jayson says licking his lips making YN blush "back to me what?" "You said you a lil fucked up .... So what made you dead that lil situation you was in?" "It was time.... I rather not get my feelings tangled in with someone who is always gonna just see me as a second option... he agreed I deserve better" "but he couldn't give you better?" "I'm sure he could have but he didn't want too" "as long as you know" Jayson smirked making YN lift an eyebrow

"what you mean?" "If a man wants to do something he will... like me I just met you two days ago but I was able to plan this date while getting to know you.... And working and it's all because I wanted to get to know you even if this doesn't develop into a relationship even though I hope it does but if it doesn't I know I gave my all" she smiled and kissed his lips quickly she was sure why she was being so bold but she liked it

"not in front of the trees YN" he said jokingly she bit her lip "well ...that was very pg compared to the kiss I was thinking about" he licked his lips "ahhh you can show me that in the car....." "you don't like pda?" "sometimes but getting carried away and can't do anything about it ... that'll fuck me up" it's the way he looked at her he meant every word he said " get carried away how? What you wanna do to me?"

He smiled staying quiet for a while she watch him intently as he thought about the many positions he could put her in but that was for a different time.

"It's the first date.... So just kiss" "you sure?" "That's all you're gonna do.... So that's all I wanna do.... No sex for you" she laughed loudly "why you acting like you know me already what if I have sex on the first date?" "You bluffing that didn't even sound right coming out your mouth stop it" she smirked "you right" "yeah yeah I know" "but you don't like to be teased?" "Nah I don't even like them games at all" she bit her lip

"I'm a teaser...." "If you tease me I'll tease you so bad you'll never wanna try me again" Now that was sexy "wanna bet?" She smirked "look at the trees and stop playing with me" he smiled pulling her closer "even though you didn't ask.... I love being teased" "mmmm that makes sense then" "what makes sense?"

"Your whole attitude especially when I say certain things I see your eyes light up" she shook her head "my face always tells on me man" "yeah it does it's how I'm getting to know you" "so ask me something........ something you really wanna know and I'll answer honestly" "are you using me as a rebound from the last situation? Cause even if it wasn't a relationship it was clearly serious to you and if I'm a rebound or distraction I just wanna know " "I don't believe in rebounds I wouldn't use anybody especially not a innocent person just so I can feel better no.... You asked me out and I like spending time with you that's why I'm out"

"last question about that situation if he dropped everything and said I wanna be with you would you drop everything too?" She thought for a second "Honestly if he cheated on her what would make me different? I couldn't trust him enough to be my boyfriend" she shocked herself with what she said cause she never really Thought about it but now it was clear she had made her decision. Waiting on Melo was stupid cause she doubts he'll change so why add herself to the cycle she's glad she got out now"Wow that's a different way of thinking" "I mean .... It's the truth "

"sorry did I get you down?" "No no I just hadn't thought about it .... I asked him if he could ever be serious with me and he said no he would never leave his girl and that made it easier to leave.... It had nothing to do with you but if I'm still being honest you came at the perfect time" "and why is that?"

He smiled which made her smile too " you have me out in public in broad daylight ..... with no issues and you made time to do it" "so what that mean?" "It means someone would date me like Fr date me ..... I'm pretty and I'm smart with personality I get that but that's not always a selling point to be wifed" "well you wife material so let's make sure this thang work I know you fresh on the market but I wanna put my bid in and snatch you back off " she smiled he kissed her lips softly making her relax It was easy with him it had never felt so easy with anyone

"I want to start by being honest" "don't tell me anything you have a clean slate ... starting now it's me and you fuck everything else" "you sure?" "I promise"

"I'm happily off the market.... After the first date Damn" "not even after..... during .... You like me already I'm that good" "that's my damn problem" she shook her head laughing "well.... You my problem now so say hello to your new chapter" he kissed her check

#lameloball #mistresstomrs #black girl stories #black writers #jayson tatum #lamelo #support black writers #jayson #jaysontatumxreader #lamelo ball

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relax-and-read-on · 1 year

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Mortarion is my favourite boy, so can i please get various shipping headcanons? (the boy needs a hug from Sanguinius complete with wings wrapping around him)

Oh honey you just hit my FAV poor lil meow meow!!!

Mortarion, and how he would work in various ships (chaos edition)

Magnus: Magnus/Morty is the most delicious enemy to lover. There is a thousand possible scenario for those two! Magnus seeking the second most powerful psycher in the family, Mortarion having to deal with witches... There is so much things to write about them! They would balance each other quite nicely too, with Magnus hopeful optimism and Mortarion pragmatism coming up to a more even result. Tho, I think my all time fav scenario, of how they could get together, is this: what if as a child, Mortarion send out a psychic distress signal as he was abused by Necare? And what if that signal was picked up by kid magnus, and a strange, long distance relationship started?

Alpharius Omegon: The hardest one for me to figure out. I can see them being fascinated by how unwillingly Mort is being used by the Imperium, or maybe them being assigned together in the hope their tactic rub off on Mortarion and he get less causality. Sorry, I'm running a bit dry here.

Horus: Horus is, canonically, one of the two primarch Mort has any attachment too. I usually see them as having more of a big bro/lil bro relationship, but it could easily be Mortarion pinning away at him too. Or Horus having that sweet secret romance! You can add some drama to it, and make it so that Mortarion is *Horus* side pieces, and he feel like trash about it. He wants! To be loved!

Angron: Mortarion has the best apothecary, and hate slavery. The Emperor could have given him to Mort in an attempt to help, and I feel like,at the very least, Morty would have been able to find drugs good enough to calm him down a bit, or ease his pain a bit. Angron would have probably seen a friend too in Mortarion, someone that was chained to the Imperium, and who also held no illusion toward their role.

Lorgar: You have unlocked my secret fav crackpair hehe. It's actually, so, so easy to ship them: you make Mort realise that Kor is a piece of shit. Mortarion, with his hatred of abusive dad, would start to do everything to protect Lorgar. And our sweet Urizen would look at him with bug eyes like "is this affection?? I now love you mind, body and soul." They would be a violently intense pairing, that swing between wild fight and incredible tenderness. And if you want to add spice? Lorgar can worship him, as someone choose by nurgle. Nurgle, being a deity of fertility on Colchis, would probably mean sexy time, wich would make their relationship EXTRA messy. All in all, 11/10 one of my fav.

Fulgrim: Fulgrim/Mort is actually really not that far fetch! First of all, they both adore Konrad, so that is a nice starting point. Following that, you basically just need them to sleep together once. Fulgrim, being himself, would make it the most amazing of time, and poor touch starved Morty would be hooked. Completely smitten. Not only that, but while he thing that all the fancy manners of Fulgrim might be for show, he would absolutely respect his working man background and admire his talent at making things. Fulgrim would also adore plumping him up, and pampering this poor, broken soul.

Perturabo: Another one of my guilty pleasure! Take the two big bitter resentful bastard, and see what happen!!! They would annoy the hell out of each others, and yet, they are SO similar. I want Perturabo to talk about birds, while Mortarion show him rare flowers. I want them to be their best and their worst together. The kind that hurt one another, but can't stay away. Toxic in all the right way.

... and Konrad: Listen. LISTEN. If GW is gonna write in the codex that those two are best friends, and then NEVER MAKE THEM INTERACT.... Then it's free real estate, I don't care. They are besty. They know each others secret hobbies. Mortarion enjoy Konrad weird bones craft, and Konrad is touched by the array of carnivorous plants he's gifted with. They cuddles, because no one really get them like each others. They have this tense friendship, like so many queer youngster had. The one were you aren't sure if it's friendship or attraction, were you kind if want to kiss the other, but knowing that it would change everything between you two, you stay put. They see each others at their worst, and only love the other more for it. I adore them. My precious.

I'll come with a loyalist list soon ;)

#warhammer 40k #warhammer #wh40k #primarch #fulgrim #konrad curze #perturabo #primarch headcanon #magnus the red #mortarion #horus lupercal #alpharius omegon #lorgar aurelian #angron

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solitaireships · 8 months

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let me in your atmosphere

It's the start of Xianyun's banner, so I here's a fic I did about her and Andromeda! The title of this comes from Lovesick by Laufey! This is pretty much just a cute little fluffy morning fic

After the game spat in my face and made me lose the 50/50 after 80 pulls, I'm basically having to start from 0 again to try to get her befor the banner ends. I'll be considering all likes, reblogs, etc I get on this a manifestation that ae will come home to me lol

Rating: Gen

Genre: Fluff

Words: 1039 words

Divider by saradika

Andromeda wakes up feeling more rested than she usually does. She’s never been a good sleeper— even when she was a child she’d often wake up in the middle of the night. But for the first time that she can remember, she realizes as she stirs awake that she doesn’t think she had any late night interruptions to her sleep. She slept soundly, and she thinks that she owes her unusually good rest to her girlfriend.

Everything with Xianyun is still new. They’re both navigating what their relationship means, but it’s exciting to figure out who they are to each other. There’s an awkwardness that comes with it, but it’s also comforting in a way. Xianyun is amazing— every second that Andromeda spends with aer is precious to her, but letting someone into her life has been strange for her. She’s not used to getting close to people, not used to being able to actually count on other people to listen to her and care about her. This is all uncharted territory.

A month into this relationship, that doesn’t scare Andromeda as much as it used to. Xianyun stays at Andromeda’s apartment in Liyue sometimes now, cuddled up against her in bed. She’s all sharp angles and long limbs, but there’s something comforting about her presence too. Andromeda thinks that ae’s what’s helped her sleep better lately, though aer helping her sleep only makes aer absence in the morning more noticeable.

Andromeda blindly feels around the bed, not yet opening her eyes. When she doesn’t feel anything but pillows and blankets, she half whispers out, “Pretty bird?”

“One can be found on the balcony.” Xianyun’s voice is distant, being carried in through the door by the right side of the bed.

Andromeda has always liked the way Xianyun speaks. Sometimes it reminds her of poetry. There’s a soothing flow to her words that’s pleasant to listen to, and Andromeda’s gotten distracted listening to her talk more than a few times as she’s gotten stuck in just the sound of it.

She climbs out of bed, taking her glasses from the nightstand. One of the good things about having an apartment in Liyue is the balcony built off from the bedroom. It gives a lovely view of the sprawling city, the ocean just barely visible in the distance but still with the smell of sea salt drifting to the balcony in the breeze.

But Andromeda’s attention is drawn away from the warm orange and yellow colors of the sunrise towards Xianyun. Ae’s wearing aer glasses, but aer hair is still down, following down in its feathery layers past aer back. She's pretty in her nightgown, the silky black material going down to her knees and draped off of her slim shoulders.

Andromeda joins Xianyun on the balcony, coming to a stop next to aer. She leans against the railing of it, resting her arms on the cool wood.

“You’re up early,” she states.

“One wanted to enjoy the view,” Xianyun says. “The morning sky in Liyue is unique among Teyvat's wonders.”

“Hmm. Yeah, it’s always pretty like this, isn’t it?”

“Very,” ae says. She shifts closer to Andromeda, wrapping an arm around her waist. “You are a very nice view in the morning too.”

Andromeda can’t help but smile at that. It’s a little bit of an overused line, but there’s a genuineness behind it that makes her heart beat a little faster. It’s hard to believe that this is real, and that Xianyun can truly love her, but it gets a little easier in the softer moments like this.

Andromeda presses a quick kiss to aer cheek.

“Thank you,” she says.

“You don’t need to thank one for simply stating the truth,” Xianyun says. She leans her head against Andromeda’s, having to lower herself a little to do so. “But one does like hearing you say kind things.”

Andromeda smiles. “Hmm. How about I say that you’re gorgeous then? And easily the smartest person that I’ve ever met. You have such a sharp mind, it’s really incredible to see you at work.”

It’s odd. Andromeda has never been good at giving or receiving compliments. It’s always felt to her that words aren’t enough, that they can’t really show what someone’s feeling. It’s easy to twist words into something else, changing their meaning or saying things that aren’t really meant. And when it comes to her complimenting someone, she never feels like she can find the right words for it, never find the words that conveys what she actually thinks. She fumbles and says what feels close enough, even if it only scratches the surface.

But when she compliments Xianyun, the words flow out easily. Everything that she says feels right, even if it will never truly be enough to show her just how much she cares. It’s nice not having to agonize over every word, and it’s nice not to feel like she has to script out everything that she’ll say as she speaks.

“You’re far too kind,” Xianyun says.

“I could say the same to you.” Andromeda knows that it’s not every day that an adeptus has a relationship with a human. There are risks that come with being together, but the fact that Xianyun is willing to take them with her is flattering in and of itself.

Xianyun guides Andromeda’s face up towards her with a clawed finger lifting her chin. Aer lips are soft as ae kisses her. She’s more confident at kissing now than she was just a month ago when they had their first kiss— Andromeda still can’t believe that she was Xianyun’s first kiss ever.

When their lips part, Andromeda still feels lighter on her feet. It’s almost like kissing Xianyun was a relief. She always thought that people were being cheesy and over dramatic when they said that love can change everything, but right now she thinks she can see why they say that.

“Thank you for letting me be part of your life,” Andromeda says.

“One is lucky to spend one’s time with you,” Xianyun replies. Ae nuzzles aer nose against the top of Andromeda’s head. “Now, may one treat one’s radiant girlfriend to breakfast?”

She smiles. “Yeah. Yeah, you can.”

#my posts #my writing #☁️ on cloud nine #☁️#💧 andromeda #selfship fic #safeship fic #selfshipping #i'm still getting a feel for how xianyun talks #but i feel like this came out decently #now to hope this is enough to get her to come home to me #originally i wanted this to be a celebration of me getting aer #but now it's a call for manifestations that she show up

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boygiwrites · 1 year

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Harley D. Dixon 9

An amazing edit inspired by this story! (Cred to Cora_Line99) Harley D. Dixon's Pinterest Board! Harley D. Dixon's Playlist!

📖Chapter List.

Author's Note. New chapter! :)

If I had to guess, I'd say a week has passed.

Our days are spent driving, siphoning gas, and sleeping. We wake up in whatever overgrown pocket of forest we spent the night in, buckle up for an entire day of winding up and down side-roads blocked by trucks or dead bodies or fallen trees, and then we spend the night in another pocket of overgrown forest, feeling just a little more exhausted than we were the day before; dirtier, bloodier, and hungrier.

At least nothing more has happened between Shane and my Dad, yet. We've all been too busy trying not to starve for that.

Tonight, as the thicket hoots and rustles around me, I close my eyes.

It's nice to pretend that time has stopped.

I listen as the river flows past my bare shoulders, undisturbed, like I'm just another steady rock amongst its gentle ripples. I let the water skim across my fingers and wash over my hair. I can feel the satisfying smoothness of riverbed stones on the pearly soles of my feet, and I wiggle my toes against the current, breathing in the freshness of night air. It's not as luxurious as a shower, 'cause showers don't quite got leaves and twigs and dirt in 'em, but I pretend it's luxurious, anyway. I feel the day being lifted from my skin and carried away down-stream.

Fwip.

A flock of birds takes off from the trees.

I snap my eyes open.

On the muddy bank of the river, a dead woman drops to her knees. Blood oozes like thick, brown pudding from a crossbow bolt pierced through one of her eyes. I gasp, paddling backwards, as she slumps head-first into the water. The rest of her mossy body slides in after her.

Splash.

The river carries her away, too.

I watch as the fuzzy hump of her back slowly floats away until it disappears around the bend.

Whew. That was close.

"Harley!"

I turn around.

On the opposite bank, from where he's been supervising the whole time, my Dad swings his crossbow over his shoulder.

"Time to get out, now. Ya clean enough?"

Oh, right. I'm supposed to be bathing. I got a little distracted.

"Yeah!" I call back. "I'm clean!"

I squeeze the last of the suds outta my hair.

"Come on, then."

He holds out his hand.

Quick to obey, I wade through the water and onto the pebbly shore. He grabs my arm and helps me step up over the shelf of dirt, onto dry land, where he wraps me up in the big towel that he bought with us. A gust of hot breeze sails through the forest as I hastily dry myself off, wanting to get back to camp as soon as possible. It's never good news when we find walkers. They've been following us for days, travelling tirelessly through the night while we sleep. Besides, dinner is probably being served by now, since I'm the last one to bathe tonight.

As usual, I'm not looking forward to it.

Once I'm dry, I step into my underwear and my purple pyjama pants, and then pull on my frog shirt and my lady-bug boots.

My Dad packs the bottle of hand-soap that I used to wash myself with and my old, dirty clothes into his pack.

He nods me forward. "Let's go."

We start the short hike back to camp. We step over mushroom-infested logs and shallow ditches filled with noisy crickets; our path lit by a flashlight. At one point, we have to duck under a glittering spider-web, which is pretty cool. I like spiders, especially fat and colorful ones.

Soon enough, we can hear a fire crackling in the distance, and we step through the trees.

We made it back.

All the vehicles are parked in a bumper-to-bumper ring around a tiny campfire, where the group is silently sitting together in the grass. Rick rations the cooked food into a bunch of bowls, mugs, and plates as Glenn passes bottles of boiled water around. We take our spots next to Carol. She takes four bowls from Rick, and hands one to Sophia, and then another two to me and my Dad. Dale hands us some spoons. We don't bother thanking them. There's a grim look on both their faces. They don't wanna be doin' this, but they don't got a choice, and neither do we.

Everyone settles down, reluctant to begin eating.

I look over at Carl, who's hair is also wet from his river-bath. He peers into his bowl. He looks like he's gonna puke.

I peer down at mine. I feel the same way.

"Dig in, everyone." Rick mutters.

T-Dog echoes him unenthusiastically.

Oh, well.

I can't survive without food. I should just get it over with.

I start with the intestines.

There are disgusting crunching and chewing and slurping noises all around me as I inch the brown tube into my mouth.

It's chewy like a frozen squid ring, and slippery like sausage-skin.

Tastes like chicken, I tell myself, even though I know it came from a skunk.

I think about what's inside a skunk. It's got a little heart, much smaller than ours, which I think is what Rick is eating, 'cause I can see little pipe-like things hanging off the chunk of meat in his hand. The fire flutters ominously over his face, his stare locked onto a burning branch as it turns to ash. Then there's the liver, which is now diced up on Carl's spoon. He swallows it one go, like cough medicine. There are the kidneys. Glenn got those, but he's not really eating 'em. He's knocking 'em back like big, rubbery pills instead, so he don't gotta taste 'em. There's also its stomach and its spaghetti-intestines, and then the breast and the ribs, which is the good part, which I'm saving for last.

Then, the most shameful parts are the paws and the tongue and, ugh, the nose and the tail and the eyeballs.

Those parts aren't meant for eating. I never even saw 'em in the freezer section at the supermarket.

But we're eating 'em.

We'll starve if we don't.

With oily fingers and scrunched up noses, we bite and chew and swallow every last morsel of the poor skunk, including the feet and the snout, until it's just a bad memory — Just protein and fat to keep us alive, and not animal-guts. I remember back at the quarry, I used to think surviving meant using a single square of toilet paper instead of four or five, but now I know it's this. It's gnashing on skunk organs.

"Saw a walker out there." Dad mumbles, as he nibbles on the tail bone. "S'just the one, but..."

"Where there's one, there's a hundred." Glenn muses.

Walkers are like ants. There used to be a big ant-hill in our yard, and sometimes I'd just watch 'em crawl over each other, mindless.

"We'll pack up at first light." Rick frowns. "One walker ain't gonna slow us down."

"You okay?" Jacqui asks us.

I nod, staring down at my shiny lumps of skunk-gut.

"What happened?"

"It was just some loaner." Dad explains. "Came up to the river while Harley was washin'. Shot it quick."

"More and more seem to be poppin' up." Shane tells everybody. "Keep your eyes peeled tonight, alright? Who's on watch?"

Glenn and Andrea lift their hands.

Then Morales points between himself and Rick. "We take over, afterwards."

Shane nods. "Y'all know the drill. No noisy weapons; no gunfire. Try to keep everyone alive 'till sunrise."

"How close even is Fort Benning by now?" Carl suddenly asks. "We've been driving for ages."

"Carl..." Rick rubs his forehead.

"Listen, we drove down Lone Oak today. We're nearin' Hogansville." Shane says. "So, we're just shy three days away, I reckon."

Carl sighs heavily, picking at his food.

Three more days means three more nights, which means three more dinners like this one. My Dad skinned it the best he could, and it's cooked all the way through, but it's still a little nasty considering we've only been eating granola bars and tinned fruit up until now. Even the squirrel burgers Uncle Merle used to make tasted better than this, 'cause at least he threw some salt and pepper on those.

"It's not forever, baby." Lori comforts Carl. "We just need to stick it out until then."

"Yeah, I guess." He grouches.

As I suck the meat off the skunk's leg bone, I think to myself, Just three more days.

After a while, T-Dog stands.

"Thanks for the experience, man," He sighs, "But I think I'm gonna turn in."

Rick nods. "I think it's best we all do. We got more travelling ahead of us; Need the rest."

"I know I do." Dale scoffs, stretching.

Glenn and Andrea walk off to start patrolling the area for the night, and the rest of us drop our dishes into a bucket of water to be washed tomorrow morning. I say goodnight to everyone and follow my Dad into the truck. He hands me one of the pillows and the blanket to snuggle into. He clicks off the ceiling light, and 'cause he don't sing for me tonight, I count the fish on my blanket until I drift off to sleep instead.

I swear I hear Shane and Dale arguing sometime during the night.

Grrr...

The next morning, I wake up to the sound of a car engine humming lowly. Groggily, I turn over, covering my ears with my blanket. The noise persists. I turn over again, trying to fall back asleep, but again, the noise persists. And it keeps persisting, almost for a full minute, until I begin to think, That doesn't actually sound much like a car engine. Confused, I slowly lift my head, peeking out the wind—

Smack!

A pale hand, grabbing at the glass.

Grrrr...

It's not an engine.

It's a walker.

It's nose bone makes a tick, tick, tick sound as it knocks into the window, its purple gums and black teeth kissing at me, tongue licking.

I scream.

My Dad jumps awake beside me.

Smack!

He's confronted with the sight of the walker mouthing and groping the glass, and he quickly puts his arm in front of me.

He huffs, "What the Hell?"

Smack!

"You okay?"

"Uh-huh." I answer, "But... aren't Morales and Rick supposed to be on watch?"

They wouldn't have let a walker get this close if they could help it.

He peers outside. "Yeah, they are."

Smack!

Behind us, there's another one. With two bloated, gummy hands, a second walker palms at Dad's window, leaving behind sticky hand-prints and gooey blood. He unsheathes his knife, angrily winds the window down about an inch, and stabs it through the forehead. It crumples to the ground, only to be replaced by another one. Then another, and another, all rushing to pile on top of each other, sniffing the air and clicking their rotten teeth at us. I count them — Three, four, five — Five walkers crowding against Dad's side of the truck.

He scoffs, "Found us, did ya?"

Where there's one, there's a hundred.

He winds the window back up, but the walkers wiggle their fingers through the gap like little worms.

"Damn it."

They start tugging it down with combined strength, shoving their knobbly elbows and shoulders and hands inside. Dad tries to ram it closed, but it gives in, sliding all the way open once more. The dead immediately start climbing inside. I scream again. Dad scoots back until we're pressed up against the opposite window, with the original walker licking at the back of our necks through the glass. I can hear it going, Tick, tick, tick.

Dad picks his crossbow up off the floor and loads it, aims it, and—

Fwip!

The closest walker face-plants onto the driver's seat.

"Where are they?" I worry. "Morales and Rick. What if they're in trouble?"

Fwip!

"Just stay behind me."

The next walker slumps on top of the last one.

He yanks the bolt out its nose and stabs the next one in the eye with it, and then the one after that, too.

He grunts as he pulls it out. Grey blood splatters the ceiling.

"Rick!" He calls out. "Morales! Glenn! Where are ya?"

"Dad, they're not answering!"

Dad drives the bolt into the last walker's ear canal, slamming its head into the side mirror. Both the walker-skull and the mirror crack in half, tumbling into the grass below. He lets the bolt fall with 'em, and winds up the window just in time for three more walkers to run into it, their peeling mouths held agape, and their eyeballs rolling up into their lids. I watch them slobber and moan.

One of them has a hatchet in its neck.

Dad drops back down, panting.

I recognise the yellow tape wound around the handle.

Dad must, too, 'cause he says, "That's Rick's hatchet."

The walkers continue slapping the truck and moaning incoherently as we peer out the windows. Over their shoulders, I can see one, two, three, five, eight, ten walkers stumbling through camp, all tripping over the chairs and the logs from the fire. One by one, they latch onto their choice of vehicle with dead hands, like the RV, which is totally surrounded. I've never seen this many walkers, not even back at the quarry. In the back window, we can see Sophia peeking past the curtains. In the front, we see Dale and Glenn trying to get our attention.

My Dad waves to 'em once he notices.

"Where's Rick and Morales?" He yells.

They get the gist of what he's tryna ask, and they both shrug, which makes us even more worried.

"They gotta still be out there." Dad grumbles.

I scan the sea of greasy heads wandering by. They're all half-beaten, blood-soaked, stringy, and mishappen, but oh, not that one — That one's regular, and it's moving way faster than the others. Another one trails behind it, I realize, slightly taller. It must be them.

"Dad!" I point. "I think that's them!"

"Yeah? Where?"

"There!"

One, two, three walkers are slashed to the ground, revealing — Yes! — Rick and Morales.

"There they are!"

Dad leans over me, opening the door. "Hey! Over here!"

"Get ready to go!" Rick yells at us.

The original walker falls onto its back, and both Rick and Morales make a bee-line for the truck, shouldering their way past walker after walker after walker, until they reach the door. They step over the flailing walker and climb inside. We make room for them as fast as we can. I climb onto my Dad's lap behind the wheel as Morales slams the door closed, panting, covered head to toe in blood of all different colors.

"Go!" Rick pats the dash. "Drive! We gotta go!"

"What about all the stuff out there?" I ask.

The dishes, the bucket, the chairs.

"We have to leave it." Rick shakes his head. "We can't stay here a second longer."

"Everyone good?" My Dad asks him, turning the keys.

"Yeah." He pants. "Got— Got caught off guard, that's all. Everyone else was still inside the cars. They're safe."

The truck sputters to life. Dad stomps on the gas. The tyres squeal all at once, and we tear off into the forest, between clusters of thin trees. The walkers try to cling on, but they're too weak to keep up and they topple over into the dirt. We leave them in the distance — shrinking, shrinking, shrinking, until they look like little stick figures, and then like nothing. The truck bumps and wobbles along the dirt road, following after the RV.

Behind us, the rest of the vehicles catch up.

Rick counts them through the back window. He sighs. Everyone's here.

As branches hit the sides of the truck, he speaks up. "You two okay? Harley, you okay?"

"Yeah," I nod. "Just... There were so many of 'em."

He puts his hand on my shoulder, leaning his head back, closing his eyes. "Tell me about it."

We enjoy the silence — the calm — as we make our way through the woods. I can tell Dad wants to ask what happened, but he keeps his mouth shut for now. Caught off guard? What does that mean? After some time, we reach a break in the trees. We tail the RV as it pulls back onto the highway that we started on, feeling just a little more exhausted than we were the day before; dirtier, bloodier, and hungrier.

At least we're alive.

It's not until we've been driving for at least twenty minutes that I spot the bite mark on Morales' wrist.

Oh.

Rick catches me looking, but he doesn't look surprised.

He just looks defeated.

The next time we stop, it's not to siphon gas or to sleep.

It's to kill Morales.

We all wait together on the highway as Shane and Rick march him into the trees. It'll be quick and painless, were the words they used. Apparently, Morales chose to be shot in the head instead of bein' left to turn, and they're gonna honour that choice by killing him. Louis and Eliza weren't comforted by any of this, though. Neither was Miranda. I feel so awful for them. They cling to each other, a family made up of pain and hurt waiting for the worst to come, which will be in the form of an echoing Bang a few minutes from now.

Jacqui gives Miranda's tear-coated cheek a kiss, and Lori rubs her back gently.

It's the best anyone can do.

My Dad sits next to me on the bed of the truck, watching the trio disappear between the shrubs.

Rick's revolver glints in the afternoon sun.

"It's gonna be like Tank again, ain't it?" I ask numbly, ready.

It's quick and painless, the vet-lady had said, before she poked him with a needle that sent him into a permanent sleep.

"Yeah." He mutters.

He rubs my back now, as well.

It's a bit like Jenner, too, I accidently think, And a bit like Momma.

Sadly, I muse, "I liked Morales."

He grips my shoulder and pulls me into his side.

Together we watch summer clouds pan overhead.

Bang!

Kinda sounds like a firework.

Miranda starts weeping.

Quick and painless.

Maybe for Morales.

But not for us.

It's two days later now, and we still haven't reached Fort Benning.

Miranda, Louis and Eliza are no longer part of the group. After Morales died, they wanted to leave, and so they left. After some convincing, Rick and Shane set them up with a box of bullets, a pistol, and a map, and then we all exchanged hugs. Eliza gave me and Sophia each of her two beaded bracelets. We were real sad to be saying goodbye the other kids like this. Their little station wagon drove off into the horizon, and then that was it — We were suddenly down four people; one dead, and three gone, all overnight. I never realized how small our group was until then.

I think everybody's takin' it pretty hard — Especially Rick, who hasn't spoke in days. I think he was the one that shot Morales.

Problems, I can handle. Full-scale disasters, not so much.

Nobody from our group has died until now, so I'd say this classifies as a full-scale disaster.

I think what we've learnt from all this is that whether you're scavenging or travelling, you can't cheat yourself out of danger.

Still, we've been pushing on. It's what we do best.

Sitting in the passenger seat of the RV, I try re-reading Hairy Maclary again while Dale drives beside me, but it's hard to concentrate. I give up after a while and switch to gazing outside at the rolling landscape. Every now and then, we pass a walker, and I'm reminded of everything all over again.

I'm staring at a bird soaring alongside the highway when the RV comes to a stop.

"Ah, jeez." Dale mutters.

I frown, "What's goin' on?"

When I look out the window, the answer is immediately obvious.

"Oh."

"Jammed to Hell." He sighs.

"We gotta be cursed or somethin'." I mumble. "So much is goin' wrong."

He chuckles a little. "I think you might be right about that."

Glenn walks up behind us and grabs both our chairs, peering outside at the littering of cars.

"Wow..." He sighs.

Dale gestures vaguely at it all. "Just our luck, isn't it?"

"Maybe we can circle back?" Glenn suggests. "There was an interstate bypass back there."

Dale shakes his head. "We can't spare the fuel."

I glance at the fuel meter. I don't know how it works, but I'm pretty sure the E is for empty, and the needle is way too close to it right now.

My Dad brings the truck up besides the RV.

"You see a way through?" Dale calls out to him.

Dad nods us forward, driving ahead to guide us through the wreckage. Dale follows. He steers the huge RV along the narrow path, and we crawl along like this for a couple minutes. We watch in unison as a group of birds casually peck at an empty baby seat strewn across the tarmac. They stare at us with their beady little eyes as we pass. There are car crashes mangled in with the guardrail, and walker-bodies smeared into the gravel. I remember bein' on a highway exactly like this one with my Dad and my Uncle Merle, in the beginning, when people still thought they could drive away from it all. We chose to leave after a while, but many stayed. I guess this is pretty much what happened to them all.

All of a sudden, as we're turning a slight corner, the RV gives out a clunk, clunk, clunk noise.

That's not good.

"What was that?" Glenn frowns.

Clunk!

As if to answer, smoke starts trickling out from underneath the hood.

We roll along for a couple more feet before creaking to a definite stop.

That's not good either.

"Ugh, it's that darn radiator hose." Dale slaps his knee, frustrated. "I knew it wouldn't survive the trip. I just knew it."

He gets up, and me and Glenn follow him outside into the hot sun.

Both ahead of us and behind us, the others hop out their cars, confused.

"I said it, didn't I?" Dale complains, watching hopelessly as his precious RV billows smoke. "A thousand times... Dead in the water."

I try smiling. "Don't worry. We'll fix it."

He tries smiling back, but he doesn't look too convinced.

Shane approaches. "Problem, Dale?"

"Oh, I don't know." He sighs. "Just the small matter of being stranded in the middle of nowhere, with a herd breathing down our necks and no hope of ever finding a new—" He cuts himself off, remembering where it is we're standing exactly. "Okay," He mutters, "That was dumb."

We're surrounded by radiator hoses.

"If you can't find a radiator hose here..." Shane scoffs.

My Dad jogs up to us, frowning at the broken engine. "What's goin' on? That the hose again?"

Dale nods. "Broken, just like I predicted."

Dad shrugs. "I can have a go fixin' it up. You got tools?"

"A few. Nothing fancy."

"I can siphon more fuel." T-Dog offers.

Carol suggests, "Maybe find some water?"

"And some food." Glenn adds, cringing already at the thought of eating another dinner of skunk-kidneys. "We could definitely use some food."

Everyone looks like they agree with that sentiment.

Rick considers all this.

It wasn't his plan to scavenge any more, but we need to, and we're not gonna get a more perfect opportunity than this.

"Okay," He eventually decides, clearing his throat. "We'll split into pairs; conquer this one car at a time, together. T-Dog, Glenn. See if you can't find us some more fuel. Shane, Daryl. You're with me. We'll circle the area for walkers, make sure it's safe for now. Dale, you're on watch. We don't need that herd sneaking up on us today. Rest of you, don't wander too far. And keep an eye out for any food and water laying around, okay? We'll be back on track in about half an hour, I reckon."

"Are you sure about this?" Lori asks, clutching her necklace. "This place is a graveyard."

"It—" Rick shakes his head. "It'll have to do."

"C'mon, y'all." Shane says. "Let's just take a look around. Doesn't have to take long."

With that, Rick's new plan is put into motion.

I look down at the pink and green bracelet on my wrist, next to Amy's hair lackey, and I pretend I don't feel sad at all.

I been doin' that a lot lately.

Author's Note.

Okay, admittedly, this one is a little filler-y... I just needed to set up the whole herd situation, and I also wanted to spend a little more time on the road before we reach the farm. I still hope you enjoyed. I've been feeling a little insecure recently about how often I've been deviating from canon, but I'm trying to ignore it, haha.

RIP Morales. Season two just wasn't in the cards for him.

Also the Shane vs Daryl thing didn't really come up in this chapter... Oops. Next time! It's about to get crazy for those two, ahaha. I have some interesting things planned for them and Harley.

Thank you everyone for reading!

#the walking dead #twd fanfiction #twd #daryl dixon twd #daryl dixon daughter #daryl dixon fanfiction #daryl dixon #daddy issues #rick grimes #fanfic #ao3 fanfic #angst #shane walsh

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