#and yet i can't look away
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this book im reading is giving every indication that it takes place in the 1920/30s and yet. and fucking yet the main character starts singing a taylor swift song. get out of my face. please just fucking decide what time period your book takes place in instead of doing this. it also has some of the dumbest takes and brings too much dumb internet discourse straight onto the pages. the main character actually said the line "or maybe he's gaslighting me?" shut up
#i think im getting too old for YA but this is still just so bad#and yet i can't look away#ngl i got this secondhand as a fairyloot edition bc it came out in the YA box after i switched my subscription to the adult book#and the early access sale for book 2 is coming up so i thought this was a good time to read it in case i wanted to buy the matching edition#of the sequel. which will not be happening. IF i decide to read it (which. i probably won't) I'll get the library book#text post#also to clarify cause idk if my tags were confusing:#i didn't buy the book to decide if i wanted to take part in the early access sale#i bought it a few months back bc i was genuinely excited about the release and was bummed i missed out on the pretty fairyloot edition#and found it on pango book for like $11 and ordered it#the book 2 release motivated me to finally pick it up today#alas. it is a huge let down
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invisible scars (referenced previous talk here)
[ID: A colourless, digital Trigun comic of Vash and Wolfwood talking about Wolfwood's scars. They're both laying in bed and topless. Vash lays on top of Wolfwood, playing with the rosary around his neck. Then, Vash kisses a spot on Wolfwood's chest. Wolfwood asks, "What are you doing?" Vash smiles sadly, "You got shot here. In the last town we visited. You didn't even bother moving."
Vash props himself up over Wolfwood, who frowns slightly. Wolfwood is quiet for a moment before he says, "You remember that, huh?" Vash grabs Wolfwood's left wrist and brings it to his face. "And here." He kisses another spot there. "When you helped free the hostages from that robber..." Wolfwood dismissively says, looking away, "Was a lucky shot." Vash huffs, “Don’t brag. Jeez.”
Half of Wolfwood's expression is shown, eyes returning to Vash who is now sitting up, continuing to say, "And..." Vash goes on and kiss Wolfwood's right palm. "You got cut here, even though that girl was aiming at me." A moment from the past flashes, of Wolfwood grabbing a knife aimed at Vash, his hand bleeding.
At present, Vash moves down and puts another kiss on Wolfwood's right shoulder. "And here, from watching my back." Another memory flashes of Wolfwood and Vash back to back. Vash looks back as Wolfwood grins while holding Punisher, bleeding from multiple gunshots in his shoulder.
"And," Vash combs up Wolfwood's hair to reveal his forehead, "Here." A final memory shows Wolfwood with a regeneration vial in his mouth while getting shot on his temple. The next panel is framed in blood with Vash at the center, eyes wide and stunned in horror. The next panel is a closed up shot of Wolfwood's eye, locked on Vash's face.
Back to present, Vash’s head is bowed down as Wolfwood raises a hand to his nape and says, “Spikey.”
Wolfwood looks serious and frowns as he says, "We talked about this. Those were my decisions. They're not there anymore. Forget about them." Vash looks very sad before he smiles ruefully and says, "I still see them. All the time." He leans down so they touch foreheads. Wolfwood’s sorrowful expression can be seen as Vash says, "You protect so much. I could never forget what you've done to me. And many others..."
In the last image, they're drawn more cartoonishly. Wolfwood sweats and asks, "You don't actually remember every wound, right?" Vash points at a spot on his chest. "Kuroneko left a scratch here 7 times." Wolfwood, startled, says, "Why the hell are you keeping count—" End ID]
Credits for ID here and here
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#another scars comic for one of the vw week days!!!! frankly i think about their scars WAY too often . most notably wolfwood's because#it really symbolizes a lot for him imo bc for vash it's a history of all the people that's ever harmed him betrayed him and the trust he has#given to humanity despite it all. its a beautiful reflection of his character and then u look at ww and presumably#since we dont really see him half naked Ever (shame) and i mean. i guess technically its a hc -- i assume he wouldn't have any scars bc#of the regen potions (which is why he doesnt have his t scars btw the regen pot took them away :pensive:)#in a way its like washing his hands of blood. giving him the body of someone who might never been involved in a fight never held a gun#but he knows thats not true yet he cant really do anything about it anyway bc he's still just human. if he stops taking the regen pots#he can't press forward. so its just a rinse and repeat and growing accustomed to whats inflicted on him because he knows it'll go away at#the end of the day. he's human but he's also not he's far beyond what could be considered a normal human but he still just is.#mortal but also not immortal. idk. i overthink about it a lot GMSKGMDK frankly i dont think it matters THAT much in the context of trimax#but it means a lot to me somehow. also thinking about how no matter how many times ww kills he's never numb to the sensation of it. maybe#the adrenaline gets to him for the beginning half but ive been rereading like.. vol 3? and that entire fight for ww#u can slowly see him spiral as he keeps on going on. anyway anyway. i love ww#ruporas art
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Reuniting with a distorted past.
Extra:(New personality tested gone wrong)
wanted to play with rin living in the aftermath aus aswell and had these drawings laying around to share so yay
Panel 1: Was buried alive.
Comic 1: Who are you supposed to be?
new friends
Comic 2: Misguided protection.
obito still sensing the warning signs of rin losing her temper. anyways they proceeded to be dragged into the ocean by rin like some sea monster
Comic 3: Finding out (Now what will you do?)
obito is harshly brought back from his delusions because now its not just kushina but rin too who he needs to ripped out the tail beast from
#naruto#naruto fanart#kakashi hatake#rin nohara#obito uchiha#naruto sukea#fanart#art#my art#sketch#drawing#digital art#hope i can add something new and if not may i shall add fuel to the fire for rin!! :)#So Rin loses ALL of her memories forever (kinda)#the only thing that remains for sure is the feeling of missing something that she'll never reach it again#she's alone and is left to roam directionless until she meets an elderly civilian that is also alone#she stays with her for a year+ but she passes away. But Rin with her new identity decides to walk forward (with love comes pain#but to love at all was the greatest thing to her.) She cherishes her new memories and won't let it stop her from moving on#inbetween this time frame she meets isobu in her mind after he gains enough form within her (who is also without memories)#Now WAY LATER she meets Sukea who looks like he's about to panic and she tries to help (which uh doesnt work too well)#but then Sukea joins her on her travels (sending minato an letter through his summons of rin being alive and forgetting the mission)#they both wander around (he doesnt know how to bring up their past) but then obito appears (always at the wrong times)#At first glance he's pissed but then realizes that this isnt fake AND its both the worse thing yet best thing to ever happen#Now Rin thinks she made two new friends who give her feelings of warmth but they both also reminded her of something old she thinks#PS Minato and Kushina are freaking out back in the village but can't do anything about it (Obito hasn't acted on his plans yet so yes)
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MDZS x Hollow Knight Part 3: The Rebugging
Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 4
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#hollow knight#mdzs au#mdzs hollow knight au#Thecornermushroom's fanart re-awoke the art of my brain where the bugs live. I drew this in a mad frenzy in the middle of the night.#I'll never be the same again. In the most positive way ever I think I have been permanently changed by that art.#I will eventually do the reverse crossover but for now - take some extra bugs!#It is so wild looking back at the past parts - I really do love drawing in this style but I'm far more comfortable with it now!#I am just vibrating with so much art energy. I am loose and in your vicinity. You can't catch me. I have bugs to show people.#This is a bit of a time capsule considering that these are references to where pd-mdzs the comic is at in the story.#More notes: Wen Zhuliu is an ant and Wang Lingjiao is a firefly.#Yes I have yet to explain the juicebox. We are a handful of comics away from that pay off.
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Oh good, I know for sure I'm not alone as I continue to hyperfixate on this wonderful CW network trash show and the incredibly talented fan fiction writers that should have written the show in the first place.
Nobody:
me: im gonna read fanfiction and watch 15 seasons of the best worst tv ever made
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Sulky kid. Have you stopped sulking? Who's sulking? Oops, you're secretly smiling. What? Please smile.
Pit Babe, ep 6
#pit babe the series#pit babe#alanjeff#alan x jeff#thai bl#thai bl drama#thai drama#thai series#bl drama#bl series#bl shows#asian lgbtq dramas#asiandramaedit#asianlgbtqdramas#JUST LOOK AT THEM#SO ADORABLE UEUEUEUE#jeff trying to hide his smile but he can't cause it's so cuteeee eeeeeee#i've passed away from the cuteness i haven't even watched the ep yet#i saw this and had to gif before anything else#help i'm not ok about them#usershinygifs
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Because we went to Renfaire I imagined all the OCs going to Renfaire but Ralph and Khlo seem the absolute most likely out of all of the OCs to actually go if there was a night time weekend. Ralph is a Satyr (because I straight up think it's hot no other reason because he'd probably otherwise definitely be a cool warrior) and Khloe is basic tavern wench chic. <3
#this is def foreplay for them and i'm sorry#ralph#khloe#THE RALPH KHLOE TRAIN STOPS FOR NO ONEEE#sorry!!! haha#my art#sketches#renfaire#renaissance faire#world of darkness#vampire the masquerade#vtm#vtm oc#vtm thinblood#clan thinblood#clan duskborn#duskborn#vtm duskborn#look at these babies i can't stop drawing#ralph's tatts were messed up during the Embrace but Khloe still got hers!#she has an embarrassing bullriding one on her thigh cause she's a taurus#she and ralph both got “temp” tattoos with their initials - ralph also got a full body khlo - but turns out they haven't gone away yet
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Ah, yes. "Love".
#booted up the game to have fun#instead I'm making myself sad#yet I can't look away#gale dekarios#astarion ancunin#bloodweave#bg spoilers
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Ok so um. Eventful first day. I have a blended schedule so i have short school days
Everyone is chill in algebra 1 nd academic literature ,,
History and english arw gonna be a bit of a problem cuz the 16-18 yr old boys are. Yknow. Probably gonna annoy me to death
And uhh homeroom is just homeroom
I masked really hard though nd came home sobbing just cuz im not gonna be used to masking again in a school setting,,
#sydneys thoughts#Look i know i got over my bullies from the past few years and all#But it might be a bit difficult if the problem persists again#I already have a fragile self esteem i am not ready to experience cyberbullying making fun of my looks and behavior#Hhhhh#If i dont like it ill just consider dropping out cuz i can't go back online nd that's my only better option yet its taken away from me now#Sorry a bit of a rant um Im Fine i suppose i just feel really emotional over having to explain my disability over and over and over.and +#+ stillbeing treated like im stupid#Like okay i get it you think im stupid what else do you expect#Sorry#Might not be myself much recent now im just extremely emotional over masking and being picked on again
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sometimes it's like. i don't really wanna have an opinion about this in public because i don't feel that strongly. but a lot of people are having ill informed opinions about it and i don't feel i can offer correct information without also an opinion. so i just have to suffer
#this is about nanowrimo lmao#having been involved with nano for fifteen years i can promise it was always a website/organised thing#and there WERE reasons for the website to exist and the community of the forums was a huge part of it#now they totally fucked that up a few years back but originally it was a massive part of it#especially bc when i joined nano twitter was like... barely a thing?#there were so few ways of finding a writing community at the time#very few wordcount trackers you didn't have to build yourself in excel etc#it had reasons to exist at the beginning. i would argue it has much less reason to exist now#but it wasn't a subsequent 'cashing in' on a concept#anyway.#the reason i don't have strong opinions about the current fuckery beyond an eye roll#is that i already walked away from being invested in nano because there has been So. Much. Fuckery#this is a nail in a coffin I'd already accepted was buried#and i get that people are more likely to care about the ai thing#as like. symbolic of wider societal issues or whatever#vs grooming and harassment and racism and firing all the MLs#bc that affects people in the community much more than people inside it#but. look. if you're gonna expound upon it#consider that nanowrimo started in 1999 and forums were THE way to connect with people online#and the website as it grew in the 00s primarily revolved around the forums#and continued to do so through the 2010s#and that no it wasn't just a social media challenge bc social media didn't exist yet#there IS a reason nanowrimo has a centralised website and organisation#it wouldn't exist without them#bc I can't be arsed to explain this again#*more than people OUTSIDE it
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I try and make it a point to avoid swearing but what the fuck do you guys mean by another secret project
#no i haven't watched the video yet yes i am going to do it right now but there is NO WAY#brandon sanderson#is this man insane#look i'm surviving on denial here i am 2.5 seconds away from a stroke i have an exam the day after tomorrow#HE CAN'T KEEP DOING STUFF LIKE THIS
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I get a little indignant when i look up the lyrics for a song that has very straightforward and understandable meaning to anyone who has experienced a modicum of emotional pain in their life and there are websites like "Song Lyrics Explained" like ohhh some people have never had their heart broken I see.
#my stuff#if you look me in the eyes and say you don't 'get' Sleep Token's Apparition or Take Me Back To Eden in general...#like what even is there to say. they're about waking up from bittersweet dreams abt ppl you can't see anymore for reasons you didn't choose#and longing to return to experiences that cannot be recreated if the people you love don't make the effort to hold onto it like you do.#i am quite literally sick with longing and grief these past couple days and these are the only songs keeping me halfway sane#this all could have gone so very different. i know where you are. i know how to reach you. but i can't. you asked me not to.#so i have to cope with the knowledge that you're a short walk away almost every day and yet I'll probably never see you again#and it's not because i did anything wrong you're just the sort of person who can't be friends with someone after a romance#and your goodbye was absolute shit and i hate it and i want some fucking shred of acknowledgement that i deserve better!!!!#i want to know you aren't just trying to forget me entirely!! I want to be remembered!! I am remembering you!!
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well. did you fucking miss me.
#random thoughts#apologies for sounding in such a sour mood. life is fucked as of late.#scheduled post. i made this on 10.08.2024.#everything has just gone to shit. so far i've been eating less than ever. feels like my stomach is eating itself augh (':#(technically the so-called relapse started on 24.12.2023. but we are not unpacking that today or ever.)#and i am filled with this desperate urge to cut myself. really really deep. not sure how to cope with it#i also?? hate how i look??#and yet i spend all my time?? in this dark dark room?? taking pictures of my face?????#i'm not killing myself off just yet don't worry. i considered it but it won't be happening any time soon.#i originally planned on disappearing for twelve days. partly to make my friends feel bad because i'm awful#which. obviously didn't work. as i don't think anyone noticed or cared particularly.#but mostly because i can't fucking handle it. it being everything. my future feels so uncertain#i am barely alive. i love all the people in my life. but they're too far away physically and emotionally.#but yeah. back finally. although ciel disappears for a lot longer than me and if you know hym my absence would be a small stint.#ciel if you're here when i post this i love you please come back. ):#this place is so scary to come back to. i'm not sure why. i'm just. scared.#i'm not even sure if i want to return really. i'm having second thoughts now. i haven't gotten worse enough#and i can't say what that means. because in theory there's nothing wrong with me that's been speculated upon. so.#i don't think anyone would care if i disappeared for longer than this.#but being away is torture. and then again being here also sort of is. it's scary#fuck.#i can't get out of bed without feeling like shit. i don't know if i can come back. i'm so sick of everything.#if you're seeing this i'm so sorry.#I NEED TO CUT MYSELF I NEED TO CUT MYSELF NOW. I NEED TO. I MADE SO MANY PROMISES BUT I NEED TO DO IT NOW#I'VE GOT THE SCISSORS I NEED TO DO IT#I NEED TO DO IT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW#(<- tags canceled for now)
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yo congrats on that P rank :D
⭐ STAR P-RANK SCREEN REAL??? ⭐
Oh my gosh, thank you!!! For context, last night I completed the Noise Update and absolutely refused to take down Pizzahead until I P-Ranked him— it took a little over an hour of nonstop attempts, and I only ended up making it to phase three two or three times, though I'm pleased to announce that I've P-Ranked all bosses as both Peppino and The Noise!
I thought I'd doodle a quick something to go along with the superb P-Rank screen you drew! While I've still yet to conceptualize Star Tower's P-Rank screen (I have a general gist of how it's going to look and I've only drawn complete art for the D-Rank screen), I'm absolutely going to reference facets of your own if I may, especially the star spotlight; that's probably my favorite detail!!! ⭐👾✨
#Mail Time with Star#⭐ Star's Art ⭐#Star Tower#Pizza Tower#Pizza Tower AU#The Noise#Star Splitscreen#Peppino Spaghetti#Aseprite#Sprite Art#Coolness#Seriously though I can't get over how cool that P-Rank screen is. I deeply appreciate you drawing such a cool piece!!!#Initially I wasn't going to P-Rank Pizzahead at all seeing the third phase includes a particularly distressing sprite#Those who know know. Those who don't... it involves the Doise and I suggest you not go looking for it if you're sensitive like me#But I just felt COMPELLED to go out with a bang once I reached Pizzahead. And besides I could always look away once said sprite comes up#And seeing as I barely made it to the third phase I didn't have to see it repeatedly#I feel like I have it in me to 101% the game as Peppino and Noise though it's going to take a lot of practice#I've yet to match my bestie Pan's gamer panache in P-Ranking every level#But for now? P-Ranking every boss as both characters will do just fine!
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i think i'm starting to really like writing again :D this will have consequences
#just me hi#oho so my beloved is back from the war huh [<- had locked the doors and windows to keep its 'beloved' out and forgot about it]#that old itch to just start slapping sounds i know on a doc and hoping in 3 days it still makes sense is back lol :3#/can't read the last thing i wrote yet cuz it hasn't been three days </3#rule is i have to spend the same amount of time away from it as i spent working on it. including editing. sad!#it Does help my brain reset though. and forget about literally everything bfhvsjgh#and i know it's possible for me to finish this kinda stuff now so like. Woho !!#the power. the Powerrrr#/also tryna get more comfortable with sharing my writing so i'm starting by sending small finished stuff to like 2 people i trust kfvshg#i can handle unwarranted critiques of my art but i am not at a stage for my writing where it won't cause like international#devastation and that's goofy so Pfvhsh 👍#we're working on it :)#and i think people's reactions are amusing so ehehehghehghgehg :3 a bonus :33#//yea though i'm gonna go put some more obleas in the freezer#obleeeeeeeeaaaa can't wait to seeeee yaaaaaa. on. my. Plaaaaate#btw shoutout to eating a spoonful of cajeta at like 1 in the morning thinking everyone's asleep and then you look up and younger#sibling no. 4 is there staring dead into your eyeballs like. is there anymore#and you go uhhh yea. and then as he's walking around to get some younger sibling no. 3 rises up from seemingly nowhere like I Want Some Too#lmfshvhf#and then you're all just sitting up for about 2 more hours just talking about very dumb things and having cajeta. illegally but still hfbvh#//anyway i'm gonna depart now :) ciao toodles lol :3
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*heavy breathing* I decided to try to find a workaround for the long covid brain fog tonight.
Aka a new pot pot strain a friend recced to see if it would help me out with this.
It worked.
Do you know how well?
I just came up from a fucking five hour writing spree.
I'd planned to edit TRT's new chapter. And I did for a bit. But it wasn't enough. I had that itch, one that had been rattling around under my skin for months.
I needed to CREATE.
I NEEDED TO WRITE.
So I turned my eyes to the Raven fic's final chapter, where I'd been slowly working on adding the new scenes I wanted and redoing a few to match the new ones.
I didn't just enter the writing zone. I blew that fucking door off its hinges. I saw the scenes in my mind's eye, and I typed the words that came, and even when the words didn't show up, I waved it off, slapped in a placeholder, and blew past it. My hyperfocus latched on like a gator and did fifty thousand death rolls.
I wrote FOUR. POINT. EIGHT. THOUSAND. WORDS.
IN FIVE HOURS.
I may have forgotten to drink or eat anything so that's familiar too
This proves it. Getting TRT's new chapter written, if not edited, proved the words were still there in my head. And THIS proves I can still enter that miracle zone that makes everything worth it oh god i missed the zone. As best I can tell looking over it, this didn't fix my 'what word did I want here???' problem that I continue to struggle with. I still have a lot of placeholder words. But what it did do was remove my frustration, my anxiety, and my long pauses when I couldn't find a word I wanted. It was far easier to just continue on. It also gave me, for just a few hours, the ability to focus, enough that even as it slowly wore off I'd built enough momentum to keep going for a while.
Now I just gotta find a way to get there more regularly like I used to, without the herby nudge. Tomorrow I'll try the same thing though, only with editing instead, now that my itch has been thoroughly scratched.
And if anyone hears triumphant howling tomorrow evening, just know that it is I, Pasta, summoning the words again.
#I WAS THERE I FOUND THE ZONE#now i gotta edit trt's chapter so we'll see how that goes#hoooooly shit that was satisfying#even if it looked a bit different than how i used to write#my use of placeholder words still bothers me a bit because like#i already had to manage my adhd and now i gotta manage this too and it's a reminder my brain got scrambled by the plague#and that i don't know if it'll go away#but i think workarounds will be key for a while#i *can't* write the same way as before. i need to adapt#so this tells me i need to focus on placeholders and not letting anxiety use them to gatekeep the zone#i'm not sure about how to fix my focus yet but i'll keep trying#either way this was a satisfying experiment and I am SO HAPPY
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