#and yet he still organised things like the memorial concert

[jaguarracing]

.

[ginkgomoon]

Cyril- Character Analysis

This post was based on an ask made a while ago concerning Hypnos’ character. I personally think his appearance enhanced the development of the game for the Winter World chapters, additionally with the depth of MC’s character. Hopefully this post will help clarify some things in relation to who he is and why he is important to the game’s progression. Please enjoy his well-deserved character analysis post. And yes- lots of spoilers! Please don’t read if you don't want to be spoiled on future content from Chapters 19+.

“This is the world you wanted.”

Hypnos first appears in the Epilogue of Chapter 19, when MC escapes her dream (the one with the separate routes of the guys) and begins to enter the Winter World through Black Cabin.

A soft hue appeared amidst this world of frozen white. A handsome, elegant young man walked towards me from the mist. Snow fell upon him, but as if he was protected by some force, none stuck on him. For a moment, I felt that this person looked really familiar, but it was someone I’ve never met. His eyes seemed detached, yet full of pity.

“This world’s pretty interesting, don’t you think?”

I did not sense any direct threat from him, but I was also unable to let my guard down.

“Is this not the world you wanted? You were aware of it long ago. No need to go on deceiving yourself.”

His tone was peaceful, but there was a chill to it that made me shiver.

“In this world, time’s been frozen. Everything you fear hasn't taken place. It was not I who made this world, but you. Everything you have experienced is a product of that which you yearn for the most. If everything could start over, if life could return to normal, if none of this had occurred...”

He saw into my heart effortlessly, tearing down each fragile wall I’d made with each word that he spoke.

The man’s gentle expression turned cold. His smile faded into subdued indifference.

“You think everything you’ve experienced is fake? Everything is real. Everyone in this world had sunken into the same dream. We will forever remain in a dream land.”

The man chuckled gently. Snow and wind blurred his form, blurring my vision. -Chapter 19 (Epilogue)

Some people would probably have the reaction of ??? and others would think he’s a new love interest HAHA.

It’s clear that this section of the chapter does not give much insight into his character, his name or who he is all. But, we can (hopefully) tell from what we are given, that he will play an important role in the future since he has an actual VA, and is (quite confusingly) going on about “the world that she wanted”. Though, this will be all cleared up later. From here, he makes small appearances in the next few chapters, which helps foreshadow and gradually help set the final showdown to conclude the Winter World.

While my mind wandered, I accidentally ran into someone in the corner. Even more unluckily, as I retreated backwards I stepped on a slick patch of ice, almost sending me sprawling.

“Careful.”

A light laughter fell on my ears. Before I could react, I was caught by the person I bumped into.

“Are you okay?”

I looked up and was met with a pair of gentle green eyes. A handsome face filled my vision. For an instant, I felt that he was familiar, and the sight of an ice-covered world seemed to appear before me. He gracefully let go of my wrist in a gentlemanly manner, stepped back to a more appropriate distance. -Chapter 20-17

A man walked out onto a rooftop covered with snow and held out his hand, catching a snowflake falling from the sky. The snowflake in his palm turned into an exquisite, white robin with its eager wings spread as if escaping a prison and flying into the sky.

He looked down from on high, surveying the city blanketed in dazzling white snow, a faint smile on his face.

“Truly something to look forward to- a long cold winter.” -Chapter 21-25

At this point, we still don’t even know who this man is. Or if he even has a name! But finally, the chapter after reveals a little bit more to help us come to somewhat of a conclusion about his character.

Chapter 22-5

The automatic vending machine behind me kept repeating the same sentence. I turned around to find that the machine wasn't on the fritz- there was actually someone continually trying to make a payment. I couldn't help but go over to see if they needed help.

A pair of eyes clear as glass turned on me. Although there was a gentle look in his eyes, there was a subtle feeling of distance.

I suddenly recognised that face! It was that famous piano player- Cyril!

MC: “Excuse me, do you need help?”

A hint of warmth suffused his cold eyes, as he gestured in frustration at the vending machine.

Cyril: “Just want to buy a bottle of water, but I don’t know how to use these machines.”

(*Intense vending machine purchase in process*)

Instead, I decided to just point at the app on my own phone and give him a brief explanation, afraid that I would miss my bus.

MC: “This time, I’ll buy for you. This is the one you want?”

Cyril: “Right, thanks.”

When I accidentally brushed against his long, slender fingertip, there wasn’t even a hint of warmth.

MC: “Your hand is ice cold. How about I buy a warm drink for you?”

He seemed a little hesitant, but he gave a slight nod and accepted my proposal with a smile.

The drink thunked down into the dispenser, and before I could react, he already bent down and retrieved the bottle and mine from the machine.

When he extended the drink to me, I realised that at the bottom, there were two kinds of paper, which appeared to be tickets of some kind.

I lifted them up and carefully looked at them. They were tickets to an upcoming and very sold out piano tour. Moreover, this was for the final VIP performance aboard the HMS (Abbreviated for “Her Majesty’s Ship”) Victoria.

He may not look like it, but he’s actually quite a warm, kind person.

The silver haired man watched as the bus drove away, and the drink in his hand turned solid ice without him noticing.

As snow drifted down around him, a faintly perceptible smile formed on his lips.

“I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.”

We find out that the young man’s name is Cyril, a famous piano player. During this exchange, Cyril is taking his time to observe MC and how she’s responding to the Winter World. He appears to be genuinely surprised about MC’s display of kindness, even though she’s been tossed out by the men most important to her, and into a foreign world wreaked of havoc.

He lets MC purchase the warm milk tea for him, and they both talk about the most mundane things ever. This may seem like just filler conversations, but actually holds importance because it actually influences how he views the world and MC in the future.

Cyril then uses this chance to extend his invitations to his sold out piano performance on the HMS Victoria. MC thinks he’s “quite a warm, kind person”- to which, we will find out if she’s wrong later. We also can confirm that he is an Evolver as we watch him turn his drink into solid ice, as well as the same man who was left unidentified in the previous chapters.

Chapter 23-13

??: “At this point, we’re all certain that the one behind this “Eternal Winter” is one of our former members.”

??: “Another traitor?”

??: “One with the power to traverse time and construct dreamscapes. There's only one that it could be.”

??: “The traitor code-named Hypnos?”

With those words, a deathly stillness fell over the air, as if some indescribable darkness had stolen into the room.

True name: Unknown. Age: Unknown. Evol: Time travel, dream construction.

Pitifully few clues to go on, not even a single photograph.

Was that person who trapped me in that dream and the traitor the same? If it was true that everything before happened on another world’s timeline, then does that mean this person had jumped through into this world timeline?

??: “Just what is he planning to do?”

??: “Whatever it is, since he’s a traitor to the organisation, it’s bound to be contrary to our goals. We must put a stop to him.”

??: “Continue the investigation. We must find the satellite coordinates. We cannot let him interfere with our plan.”

If this mystery mastermind had such powerful abilities, then what chance do I have at stopping him?

The hexagonal crystal symbol wasn't a major part of their discussion, but it stuck a faint chord with a hazy part of my memory. I finally remembered- that ticket to the concert!

They consider this powerful Evolver- Hypnos, a traitor to Black Swan and the individual behind the Eternal Winter incident. But nobody knows what he looks like. However, MC notices that the hexagon design is seen similar to the tickets that Cyril gave to her for his performance on the HMS Victoria. She now knows that Cyril is Hypnos, then realises that the satellite launch isn’t on land, but on sea. She knows how to stop the winter from spreading.

Here we automatically assume that he’s another Black Swan bad-guy-turned-traitor. What is his true goal? And why does it have to be that handsome piano player, out of all people?

Chapter 24-5

Before we could enter the main hall and check out the situation, a sonorous piano melody was belated through the ship’s speakers over that whole patch of sea.

The gentle tune formed an invisible yet unbreakable net in the air. Everyone in proximity to it became the piano music’s prisoner, unable to escape.

I felt a strong feeling of drowsiness. I tried to stop it but it seemed to have already gotten into my veins. Every cell in my body reverberated with it.

Everyone in the hall was swaying like soulless puppets, and on the stage, Cyril held his eyes slightly closed as he played the last requiem for them.

Chapter 24-7

MC travels to confront him on his ship, and watches him entrance people with his piano playing. This is how he got his code-name “Hypnos”. (Similar to how Kiro can charm and control people). Thankfully, Helios appears, his Evol is powerful enough to command MC to escape this.

“Why can’t a lie... be a good thing, too? Is this not the world you wanted?”

An anonymous voice seeped into my consciousness, accompanied by a dim, far away sounding piano.

The false warmth swooped in, and exhausted as I was, I chose to accept it.

My hand was originally grasping at air, but just then I distinctly felt the touch of something solid and warm. I could faintly feel someone grabbing onto me tight.

I forced open my heavy eyes, and a familiar outline filled my blurry vision.

“K- Kiro...?”

For a second, I couldn’t tell if I was in a dream or reality. His face was in shadow, and those usually sea blue eyes now flashed golden, as beautiful as the night stars.

He shouted at me, loud enough to hear over the inescapable piano music-

“I command you to awaken!”

Although without a hint of warmth, his eyes were like the first rays of dawn filtering through the curtains, melting away the fanciful dreamworld clouding my brain.

-

“I’m not like Ares. I don’t care about any Queen. If you want to influence the outcome, you have to do it your own way.”

Cyril still didn't stop playing, and instead kept moving his fingers across the key in a self-satisfied manner. The audience were completely under the spell of his melody, sunken into the deepest depths of a dream.

A black pistol was pointed straight at him, but the enraptured pianist did not let that stop his performance. Helios wasn’t in a hurry either, waiting quietly for the perfect, culminating core for this piece.

Just as the final note was stuck, Helios resolutely pulled back the tigger. A stream of smoke rose from the gun, but Cyril was somehow unharmed, blocked by an invisible force field.

Helios: “You constructed this dreamscape long before.”

Cyril: “I just don’t want this performance to have any interruptions.”

He rose elegantly from his piano bench and took a deep bow toward the hall absent of applause. Then he sauntered off the stage and looked at me.

Cyril: “You finally came.”

Chapter 24-9

Cyril: “Thank you for teaching me how to use the vending machine.”

I didn't expect him to speak up first, much less did I expect him to bring up that. As if we weren’t staring into the upcoming apocalypse, but just another utterly normal day.

Cyril: “It was you who showed me a different side of life. Although I still think, milk tea tastes better iced.”

MC: “But that doesn’t mean you have to wipe out the people who prefer drinking it hot.”

Cyril: “I think you misunderstood me. Just like you, I love this world. I love the complexity and uncertainty humanity has brought to it. I just think, it just doesn't have to move so fast.”

The smile he had showed- made me believe that from the bottom of his heart, everything he did was to make the world better, and that he should not recover any blame or interference from anyone.

Cyril: “Before one fully understands oneself, power beyond control can only be dangerous. Just like if I were to ask you now, do you truly understand yourself? How would you answer?”

He chuckled at my inability to respond.

The thoughts in his heart were hidden beneath a glacier, and all it showed on the surface was the very tip of it, preventing me from ever getting a clear idea of what he was thinking.

Cyril: “I’ve prepared a little gift for this kind of world.”

A giant steel tower shot upwards and stood tall between the water and sky. The satellite launch tower!

Cyril took hold of my hand and causally moved the key from his own hand. Before I had time to stop him, I saw crystal clear ice form at his fingertips. Pure and unblemished, but also dead. Just like this world before us.

Cyril: “Isn’t this a nice way to end things? This. Is the world you want.”

He then hands MC to press the button for him, then freezes the key to the Black Cabin. Cyril here genuinely believes that what he is doing is good for MC, as he uses the satellite launch platform from the ocean to spread the “Eternal Winter”- the “perfect world”.

Black Swan still pursues evolution of all humanity, but Cyril doesn’t agree with their methods. He knows MC is the Queen and thinks that in this Winter World, this is how she will only grow- without those she loves- if she had not known the boys and everyone she cares about. "If none of those things in the original world had occurred..."

What Hypnos stated reminds me of the Winter World Helios and what he said from when he saved her in Chapter 21.

“The weak should learn to survive on their own. No one will help them. Do everything you can, by fair means or foul. Give up everything in your past… even yourself. If you can’t do that, then go back to the world you came from.”

Which is a little nice touch because Helios appears to save her again with his Evol- but this time, MC is saving the world in her own way. She is not identifying with QUEEN first- but as herself. She had seen and been through so much pain to grow her mental and emotional strength to persevere and save this world with her kindness and love for humanity. MC, herself, has evolved.

Chapter 24-10

Cyril: “Not going to give the button to the launch a push? Perhaps you’ve forgotten, this is only my dream. Any decision you make here won't affect the outside world. Aren't you at least curious? The perfect world I wanted.”

What is the meaning of existence in a world of unrealistic perfection!?

MC: “If I do that, wouldn’t I be like an ostrich, sticking my head into the sand?”

Cyril: “If people found the perfect pile of “sand”, who knows if they’d stick with reality- and choose not to escape? After all, in reality, no one can predict what's going to happen from second to second. But in a perfect dream, everything always unfolds exactly as people desire.”

MC: “I can’t answer that for others. But it shows that the decision for how to answer should be left for each individual person.”

Cyril: “The way I see it, those who have no ability to judge never had the right to choose in the first place.”

Naturally, traitor though he was, he was still like others in Black Swan, holding a disdain for normal people, deep in his bones. When he rebelled against wasn't the thinking of the organisation, but their methods. But no matter which method of theirs it was, they all wanted to force their ideology on the whole world.

Did the world really need their brand of reason? Did humanity really need their idea of progress?

Everything in existence follows its own, original path, with absolutely no need for human intervention. And what I had to do was to maintain this balance.

I abruptly placed the remote back in his hand and told him my final decision.

It’s clear that Cyril doesn’t have that much experience with normalcy or identifies with at least humanity. He believes that it’s better to ignore reality and to live in a dream without the memories of the past or mourn the loss of others. Frozen without emotions, pain, or progress- the “perfect world”.

Chapter 25-4

After MC accepts her QUEEN identity, she finally uses that power to unite all timelines ultimately defeating Cyril, then returns back to the original world. Weirdly, he appears in front of her when she wakes up.

Cyril: “I believed I warned you long ago, no matter what world it is, it doesn't make much of a difference. You assume too much. In this world, I am just like you, a normal person. Think of it… as the price I’ve paid. My choice… was made for you. You were growing too slowly. Maybe that world was best suited for you after all. Too bad, you were too muddled to realise it. This world may soon experience a change, and it’s the kind of change that has nothing to do with you.

Time Subway

Time Subway takes place before Cyril leaves, after MC is hospitalised in Chapter 32. It reveals more about MC’s power and spiritual connection to Loveland City, the rest of the worlds and their timelines.

They meet on the train, though MC can’t remember meeting Cyril before. His piano music continues to play as the train moves backwards. (And that’s the thing about the subway- the train goes in cycles to each station, to the memories and worlds MC has previously lived in.)

Chapter 5

MC: “This train is really strange. It’s going backwards.”

Cyril: “Does the direction really matter? Though, I’ve never been on a subway train. Perhaps, there are a few imperfections.”

MC: “How did you get on the train?”

Cyril: “Same as you, I guess.”

MC: “Do you know where this train is going?”

Cyril: “To a place you want to be. So embrace your imagination. Think of everything you ever wanted. Eventually we will arrive at the perfect ending you’ve longed for.”

Chapter 6

MC: “I feel like I’m forgetting something. My memory has been foggy ever since I boarded this train.”

Cyril: “You do know me. You have to recall those memories on your own. Do you want to remember everything? Or, do you prefer to give up the past and start again right here?”

Cyril seemed to be hinting something, I felt that he’d always use such implicit language, but I couldn't remember when…

Chapter 7

Somehow this train gave me a sense of security. I could feel a familiar resonance between us. As if it was closely linked to me in the first place.

A thought slowly came to my mind, maybe I could decide on its direction at some point in time.

MC: “Why do you want me to go to the past?”

Cyril: “Back to when everything hadn’t taken place, isn’t that what you wanted? I’m only doing this for you. Sorry I didn’t ask for your permission. But you’ll be my best work.”

Chapter 8

Cyril: “This world belongs to you. My power doesn’t work here. I’m nothing more than a normal person in the real world. I’m going to use my power one last time. And this will be my final work. A perfect world is still what I’m after. It was you who broke free from the world I created. You showed me my limit. Indeed, the power triggered by your emotion outshined my skills. That’s why I chose your spiritual world, as the raw material of my final work.”

MC: “So this is just an infinite cycle within my spiritual word, isn’t it?”

Cyril: “I won’t say you are wrong. In this train, you can choose any stop and choose any exit you want. When you step out, this world becomes more complete. Meanwhile, this dream will continue the everlasting cycle, which is also your karma.”

MC: “So do I stay here?”

Cyril: “You can choose to leave… if you have the power to battle yourself. If you leave, this world will continue to exist all independent from all time space.”

MC: “How do I leave?”

Cyril: “You have to discover that for yourself.”

MC: “...Cyril, I need to go. If there’s really a perfect world you want, just take this world as my gift to you.”

Cyril: “I see, thank you... If only you could eventually put an end to this cycle.”

Chapter 32-1

Cyril- “I came to say goodbye.”

MC: “All that stuff that happened to me after losing my Evol has something to do with you. Starting from when “I ran into you” on the train, it was all a part of your plan.”

He smiled slightly, met my hostile gaze without a hint of displeasure. He didn’t deny it, but he didn’t admit it either. There was an undercurrent of tension to the stillness, but also some unusual and subtle peace.

This pianist… I’ve never seen anyone so out of touch with the world.

MC: “The vending machine, the scammer in the square, thorns on a flower, you don’t have much experience with everyday things, do you?”

Cyril: “However, it really has been a long time since anyone’s talked with me about such things.”

I may have been imagining it, but I seemed to detect a hint of nostalgia in his voice.

MC: “Just what are you after, coming here to see me like this?”

As he spoke, he reached out and put his hand at the back of mine. His fingers were ice cold.

But in this brief moment, a flurry of images flashed before my eyes.

Four white walls, an empty room, a triangular piano of translucent crystal placed in the corner. The figure of a man gradually emerged before the piano bench.

His thin graceful fingers danced daintily across the keys as snowflakes fell upon him and settled undisturbed.

That gentle piano melody reverberating in the shadows also came out as a muttered groan from the girl as pain hit her.

Suddenly, the piano playing intensified, the tempo building to a frenzy like a subway train rattling through a tunnel.

I saw a boy get up from the piano, walk to the front of the stage, and take a bow to the thunderous roar of applause.

The scene shifted. The boy was once again standing in the gloomy storm, holding a white rose to his chest, listening in silence to a priest delivering a eulogy.

??: “Keep playing, Little Cyril. Use your power and help Mummy make the perfect world.”

Cyril: “A perfect world… I’ve got it.”

I saw his past, present and future. I saw the boy slowly growing up and playing that final melody in the centre of a frozen plain. He played tirelessly, as if he’s trapped inside in a world of memory.

Cyril: “Can you tell me what you saw?”

In those crystal clear eyes, I saw my own expression, and there was an ineffable expression of sadness to them.

MC: “Is a perfect creation… really that important?”

Cyril’s eyes were flat, like the negative space in an ink wash painting.

Cyril: “The sad fact is that they will never be able to achieve it.”

MC: “But absolute perfection doesn’t exist. Everything has blemishes and faults. But that doesn’t mean that they’re not good enough, and it certainly doesn’t mean that they don’t have a right to exist in this world.”

Cyril: “Perhaps. You’ve certainly proven that point yourself. One final thing before I go, of course, you can choose not to believe it. Perfection has never been an illusion; everything in this world has a singular, perfectly-suited exit. Although, I think you already found it.”

MC: “Where are you going?”

Cyril: “A world that belonged to you, but now belongs to me. Thank you for the world you’ve given me, and the interesting memories. And that bubble tea, I quite like the flavour.”

His words fell softly, as if shrouding me in a tranquil, pure white dream.

Upon seeing his past, present and future, all that MC sees is Cyril playing the piano. It turns out, his true motivation for creating the “perfect world” was for his mother when she passed. With MC’s help, he finally admits that it cannot be achieved. He isn’t directly hostile like the other Black Swan members either, and calmly admits his defeat and accepts MC’s decision.

Behind the Curtain- 6 (Chapter 28)

??: “If you want to see it, go. The door being opened will be closed soon.”

The black box grows bigger, and fills the entire vision in black-

Cyril: “Do you know the origin of the name BLACK SWAN?”

I see an elegant young man standing inside a luxury gift shop. There, piano pieces are playing. He looked down at me. The black box reflects in the cool eyes looking a lot like snow.

MC: “Am I inside the box?”

Cyril: “BLACK SWAN” is a word that means an unexpected event. Humans have no way to predict the impact of the event. When I first heard their name, I immediately saw the appeal. I also wanted to be a part of it. But…the majority of them still live in this illusion. Only a few were aware that humanity is ignorant. They can't help me to complete my work.”

While speaking, he pressed the crystal piano keyboard. The jolting sound echoes—

Cyril’s Mum: “With your power, continue this and please show me the perfect world.”

The woman lies on bed, looking at him with those beautiful eyes that looked a lot like that boy’s. There’s no strength in them.

Cyril’s Mum: “For one last time, I want to experience the beauty of this world with my whole being. That’s also the reason for your existence.”

The boy then grows up in the snowstorm and turns into an innocent boy. His outline became sharp, becoming an elegant young man.

The snowy wind pushes the window open and surrounds his mother. She then transforms into white snow and suddenly disappears.

The man doesn’t notice the occurring snowstorm, but instead concentrates on the graceful piano playing.

A piece of glass shatters and lands on the piano. The young man engrossed in playing keeps an eye on the keys.

MC: “Look out!”

The piece of glass cuts the young man’s long finger. A line of blood flows, on the skin like ice and snow.

The young man finally stops. As if time had been frozen, the lingering sound of the piano remained in the room covered with heavy snow.

He looks up. Like an innocent puzzled child who touched the piano for the first time, those eyes come into mind.

Cyril: “Who…are you?”

MC: “...who am I?”

Cyril had been stuck all this time within his memory of his promise to his mother- in pursuit of the “perfect world”. His world was biased upon thinking that humanity- even Evolvers, were ignorant and unable to help him achieve his goals. This demonstrates the divide and individuation between each Black Swan member of not being able to work together effectively to achieve the collective goal- of the “New World”.

It was nice to see MC being able to overcome her self-doubt and enter Black Cabin by accepting the QUEEN title in a world so foreign to her. Her hope, love and determination had saved the world again. Cyril played a huge part in this chapter of her life, almost like prepping her for the final prophecy of fate.

And “Doomsday” is coming.

[captain-josslett]

Broken Melody - Part Two

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five, Part Six, Part Seven, Part Eight, Part Nine, Part Ten, Part Eleven,

Summary: Grammy Award winning Emma Danvers is the first to say she has a pretty good life. But what happens when it implodes around her and it looks like things will never be the same again?

Words: 3k+

Warnings: None... yet… Maybe need a filling for all the fluff I wrote in this part through...

Pairings: Emma Danvers x Lena Luthor (Eventual)

In This Part: Emma and Lena spend some time together. It’s not a date, even though they both wish it is.

The angst still hasn’t happened yet! Got probably two more parts to write before things get angsty! 

As always B!D is named.

Thank you for reading and let me know if you wanna be tagged or any general feedback will be greatly appreciated.

Taglist: @thewitchandtheassassin , @natasha-danvers , @life-is-hella-unfair , @finleyfray​, @supergirl-writingz​

Emma Danvers is happily playing on her Playstation, munching on popcorn and having some much needed rest time. The band are having a break from the farewell sold out world tour. With the holidays coming up they decided to split the tour up to allow them time with their families. The last part will be around America after the New Year. The last gig happening in National City, where their first major gig happened. Emma pushed this idea, finding it quite poetic to finish with the band in the place it all accelerated for them.

Emma didn’t mind the over a month long break. It meant she was home for Thanksgiving and spending more time hanging out with her sister’s, friends and Lena.

Speaking of Lena, the first thing Emma did when she was back in National City was to surprise the CEO on her birthday. She took her best friend to all their favourite hang outs that had a gift at each place until leading Lena back to her apartment where the Superfriend’s were waiting to celebrate with her. By the end of the day Lena was a tearful mess and thanked Emma as she held onto the blonde in a tight hug. 

Emma smiles at the memory and her eyes quickly look at the clock above the huge tv. They had planned to have dinner together tonight as recently Lena has been so busy planning Gala’s and Charity events as well as her CEO job, Lena hasn’t had much time to meet her friend individually.

Seeing it was time to get ready Emma smiles, saves the game and turns everything off. She gets up and bounces into her bedroom to change into some smart casual clothes.  

Quickly looking through her walk in wardrobe Emma picks out her favourite deep blue skinny jeans that make her legs and ass look incredible. A white lace shell top under a red blazer and black high heels. She finishes the outfit off with her layered necklace, a leather wrap around bracelet and natural looking makeup. She pulls her hair out of the high ponytail and lets her naturally wavy blonde hair fall around her shoulders.

Looking herself over in the mirror Emma nods and grabs her green clutch. Placing her keys, small journal and phone inside. Making her way down to the bug Emma hums a song she’s working on, but, as always, it’s not quite there yet.

Soon she pulls into L-Corp’s garage, the security guard waving her through. She parks in Lena’s space and gets out.

“Hi Miss Danvers!” The security guard calls and waves at her.

“Hi David!” Emma calls back as she locks the bug. She waves and smiles at him as she makes her way to the elevator.

When the elevator doors slide open Emma steps inside and presses the button for the top floor where Lena’s office is. Her phone pings inside her clutch and Emma gets it out. Smiling at the message Kara sent to the Danvers sisters group chat.

Kara: I hope you and Lena have a nice time tonight!

Emma goes to respond but a message from Alex appears below Kara’s.

Alex: Traitor.

Kara: What did I do?

Alex: Not you! Emma! It’s sister night!

Emma: Aww I’m sorry Alex, but this was the only evening Lena had free. I promise to make it up to you.

Alex: How?

Emma: Anything you want.

Kara: Yea I’m actually a bit annoyed too!

Emma snorts with laughter at Kara’s message. The doors slide open and Emma slowly exits the elevator as she composes her next text.

Emma: Same goes for you Kara. Also, here’s an idea… Why don’t you both meet up? *Le Gasp!*

Alex: Kara, I’ll be round in 30 mins!

Kara: Bring Potstickers please!

Alex: Already ordered!

Alex: Have a great evening Peanut!

Emma: Thanks! You too! Love you!

Kara: Love you too! (followed by hundreds of emoji’s that widens Emma’s smile.)

Alex: Love you too! (followed by a red heart emoji and means just as much to Emma.)

“Are you planning on coming in?” Lena’s bemused voice calls out.

Emma looks up and realises she stopped in the open doorway of Lena’s office.

“Meh, I’m okay here.” Emma cheekily says and hovers for a few seconds before approaching Lena’s desk.

The raven haired beauty smirks at her before looking down at the papers she was signing. Emma’s eyes wander over Lena’s torso, mainly her chest. How the off the shoulder black dress fits in all the right places. Emma can’t wait to see it fully when Lena stands. In the meantime, Emma goes right up to Lena and hugs her from behind.

“Hi.” Emma whispers and feels a sudden urge to kiss Lena’s neck and back, which is on show due to Lena’s high ponytail and the off the shoulder dress. It takes everything in her to not look down at Lena’s chest.

“Hi.” Lena responds in a breathy voice, almost like she senses what Emma is feeling. “I’m almost done.”

“Take your time.” Emma gives Lena a squeeze before pulling away and stepping out onto the balcony.

Lena’s hand moves swiftly across the pages as she signs the last of the papers for the Christmas Charity Concert L-Corp is organising for the Luthor Children’s Hospital next week.

When she’s finished Lena gathers them up in a neat pile and rises from her chair. She looks around her office to see where Emma is and pauses when she finds her on the balcony, looking out at the city. Lena can’t help but gaze up and down Emma’s toned body. When her eyes land on Emma’s shapely ass, she bites her lip slightly. But when Lena realises where her thoughts are going she quickly shakes her head and turns away, grabbing her handbag and clearing her throat.

“Ready to go?” Emma’s voice says behind her.

“Yes!” Lena says over her shoulder. “All done.”

“Great!” Emma walks up to Lena’s desk, her eyes going up and down as she takes in all of Lena. She goes to walk out of the office but is stopped by Lena’s hand on her shoulder.

“Can I have a proper hug now?” Lena smiles brightly at the blonde.

“Of course you can!” Emma wraps her arms around the CEO. Sighing happily when Lena’s arms do the same. “You seriously give the best hugs.”

“Don’t let your sister’s hear you say that!” Lena laughs into Emma’s neck, causing the blonde to shiver.

“Yea, they’d both have a fit!” Emma chuckles as she pulls away. She holds out her arm for Lena to take and they exit the office. “How’s your day been?” Emma asks while they walk to the elevator.

Lena sighs heavily as she presses the call button.

“That good huh?”

“Well, it's recently gotten a lot better.” Lena squeezes Emma’s arm. Her eyebrows almost shoot up when she feels the muscle underneath. She knows Emma is fit, but not that fit. The doors slide open stopping her train of thought and they both enter. Lena lets go and Emma leans against the side of the elevator, looking at her friend.

“Yea must be such a relief finishing for the day.”

“I meant seeing you, you dork.” Lena's smile widens when Emma throws back her head and laughs. Lena loves Emma’s voice but her laugh is pure magic. She could listen to it for days.

“I’m honoured. Seeing you has been the highlight of mine too.”

“But the night is still young.” Lena tilts her head.

“I can’t imagine anything that can top you.”

‘I wish you would.’ Lena thinks, almost biting her lip again. “What if the restaurant has Creme Brûlée?” She chooses to say instead.

Emma pouts her lips, as if deep in thought.

“Arse.” Lena shoves Emma’s shoulder lightly causing the blonde to laugh again.

“I think it would come a close second to you.”

Lena’s insides melt at that comment and she smiles shyly.

The doors slide open and Emma holds her arm out again, walking with Lena to the bug. She opens the passenger door for her friend.

“My how gentlewomanly!” Lena slides in and Emma closes the door beside her.

‘Cool it Em!’ The blonde berates herself. ‘This is not a date.’ Emma gets into the driver’s seat and starts the bug. ‘Rao I wish it was a date.’

“So, how was your day? Other than seeing me being the highlight?” Lena asks as Emma pulls out of the garage, waving at the security guard as they pass.

“It was… okay?”

“Is that a statement or a question?”

“Er… I mean, I went for a 10k run and did some weight lifting. Worked a bit on a song, played Mass Effect.” Emma shrugs. “It’s been a very general day for me.”

“How you run 10k and do weights everyday is beyond me.”

“It’s fun!”

“If you say so darling.” Lena laughs and rolls her eyes.

“I do say so!” Emma laughs too. “But I do have recovery days as well.”

A noticeable drum beat starts on the radio and Emma whoops, recognising it as one of her current favourite songs. She turns the volume up high and dances along. Smiling brightly when Lena joins in. Not caring that people can see them when they wait at a red light.

A few do a double take as they walk past the bug and wave when they realise it is Emma in the yellow VW and Emma waves back with a smile. Generally fans in National City are respectable to Emma’s privacy and space. When fans do approach her Emma is always polite and will always give them her time. One such time she sat with an kind, eldery lady who had approached her while Emma was sat on a bench at the park. She gushed at how Emma’s music had helped her during the loss of her husband. Tears fell down her old cheeks and Emma gave her a tissue. The blonde listened to the many stories the eldery woman had and gave her a hug when they had to part ways.

Soon Emma and Lena pull up outside the restaurant and valet jumps to open Lena’s door. Emma reluctantly gets out to let the valet drive the bug to the parking area.

“The bug will be fine darling.” Lena says taking a hold of Emma’s hand as the blonde watches the yellow VW be driven away.

Emma weaves her fingers through Lena’s and smiles at her crush. Nodding she walks to the entrance and takes the elevator up to the top floors where the restaurant is.

“Ah! Ms. Luthor and Ms. Danvers! Welcome back!” The host greets them warmly before showing them to their favourite table in a secluded corner by the window. Emma especially loves the view. They are given the menus and the specials for the day. Emma quickly scans through but she already knows what she is ordering.

While they wait for the food the two women catch up. Chatting about anything and everything. Smiles permanently on their faces.

“So how’s things for the events going?” Emma asks while sipping on her Pepsi Max. She’s never been a lover of alcohol, seeing the effects it has on Alex and her peers put her off for life.

“It’s-” Lena pauses for a moment.

“Lee?” Emma frowns.

“Well, we’ve hit a bit of a road block.” Lena sits up a bit straighter. “You know the concert happening next week?”

Emma nods and she tilts her head. She’d already got her ticket with the Superfriends and was planning on anomalously donating a large sum of money to the children’s hospital.

“Well, the act had to pull out and I’m not sure where to find a replacement so quickly. I would ask you but I know this is your rest time and I completely respect that-”

“Lee!” Emma reaches out and takes a hold of Lena’s hand on top of the table. Lena’s cheeks start to blush, but she is blaming the red wine she is drinking. “Take a breath!” Lena does.

“Sorry, it’s just been a bit stressful.”

“I bet.” Emma says sympathetically. “But, I would love to help.”

“Really?”

“Of course! I know of a great gospel choir that could sing with me. Would actually be nice doing something different to country, you know?”

And Lena did know. Emma’s singing voice didn’t naturally have the country tone so she did have to add it in. Lena had been blown away one time when she heard Emma’s natural tone. She had been waiting for Emma to finish in the shower and she heard her voice singing out. Doing runs and riffs that had Lena’s jaw hitting the floor. Lena even got closer and stood by the door to listen better. When Lena heard Emma approach the door she quickly and quietly scurried away.

“Yes, would do you good to try something different too? For your solo career? Let the fans hear more of what you can do.”

“That’s if they want to hear it.” Emma looks away at the city below them, her insecurities bubbling to the surface.

“They would be fools not to Em.” Lena squeezes Emma’s hand and the blonde looks back at her.

“Thanks.” Emma gives Lena a small smile. The anxiety of stepping out into her solo career still worries her. “So-” Emma lets go of Lena’s hand and takes out the journal from her clutch. Opening it and clicking her pen. Her mind switching into work mode as she thinks about the concert. “What songs would you want in the set? And for how long? Do you want the audience to sing along? Will you give a speech?”

Lena pauses as she sips her wine. “Well… I guess the classics and no I don’t think the audience need to participate. It’s not a carol service. You have free rein other than it needs to be wrapping up around 9pm. A speech will be given, probably from someone from the hospital rather than me. Maybe ten or twelve songs, allowing the speech to be near the end and have an upbeat song to finish.”

“Okay.” Emma makes some notes and song ideas. She grins as a surge of excitement hits her. “Can I be a bit rude and message the lead of the choir, Karen?”

“You may. I mean I have dumped this on you.” Lena laughs and takes a sip of her wine while Emma gets her phone out.

“Er… Will the choir be paid?” Emma looks up at her. “I mean I can pay them, that’s no issue. Forget I said anything.”

“Em! It’s okay. And yes the choir will be paid. Ask them what they, Karen? Charges.”

Emma nods and quickly sends Karen a message. Who responds instantly in all capital letters that they will definitely perform with her at the concert and, in Emma’s opinion, quite a low price. Emma sends a message back confirming a time to meet the next day to go over ideas and songs. Already planning a set list in her head.

Lena watches Emma with a smile on her face. How Emma starts to radiate even more with her excitement.

The food soon arrives and like a true Danvers Emma digs right in.

“Oh Lee!” Emma moans, causing Lena’s brain to short circuit. “You need to try this!” Emma puts a piece of her food on her fork and holds it out for Lena. She watches as the raven haired beauty leans forward and slowly wraps her mouth around her fork. Emma swallows thickly when Lena moans too.

“That is delicious.” Lena agrees. “Do you want to taste mine?”

“Sure.” Emma waits for Lena to cut into the food and hold the fork out to her. And like Lena, Emma tilts forward, keeping her eyes on the raven haired beauty as she wraps her mouth around the fork. Emma can’t help the sound of pleasure that escapes her lips as she tastes the food. Closing her eyes briefly and when she opens them she swears she sees Lena biting her lip. “Wow, you made a good choice there.”

“I’m not sharing!” Lena laughs and starts eating again.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Emma says before digging in.

However they do share a Créme Brûlée and Lena has to clench her legs together when Emma sounds like she’s having a mouth orgasm with every bite.

“Okay, no, maybe this is the highlight of my day.” Emma says while licking the spoon and winking at a blushing Lena.

“I don’t know whether I should be offended or not.” Lena raises an eyebrow at the blonde.

“Nah, nothing compares to you Lena. You know that.”

The two women smile softly at each other before continuing their conquest of devouring the dessert.

When it’s time to leave Lena is having an intense tug of war with herself. She wants to come clean. To reveal to Emma that her feelings have gone deeper than friendship. As Emma drives her back to her apartment Lena wants to ask Emma to come up with her. But her past stops her from talking.

“Lee?” Emma notices how quiet Lena has gotten. “You okay?”

“Yea.” Lena says softly.

“You sure?” Emma presses further, knowing Lena is not fine.

“Yes, just tired I guess.”

“I bet you are!” Emma knows this is only partly the truth. Instead she drops it and gives Lena a sympathetic smile. “I really appreciate you spending time with me. I really do mean it when I say it's the highlight of my day, well week, even month! And I know how busy you are around this time of year, so thank you.”

“You’re welcome love.” Lena can’t deny the warmth that fills her heart. “It’s been the highlight of my month too.”

All too soon Emma is parked outside of Lena’s apartment building. “Well, thanks again. Shall I let you know the order of songs etc?”

Lena nods. “You can also send it to Jess as well.”

“Will do.” Emma smiles brightly and leans forward, opening her arms up for a hug. Lena happily falls into them. “Love you Lee.”

“Love you too Em.” ‘More than you’ll ever know.’

They sit like this for a while, just enjoying being in each other’s arms. Lena finally pulls away, knowing if she doesn’t go she will never leave.

“Good night.” She says while opening the door.

“Night. Sleep well!”

Lena is about to step out of the bug when she thinks ‘Fuck it!’ Lena leans back over to Emma and places a kiss on the corner of Emma’s mouth.“You too.” She quickly gets out of the car and enters the building. If she’d looked back she would have seen the brightest smile on Emma’s face as she watches her go.

(Part Three)

[lookingforhobi]

♡ tour ♡

TOUR (Part Two)

Summary: It was just a tour with your friends to explore Seoul. But life gave you Namjoon. Yes, Kim Namjoon, the leader of a world-renowned group BTS.

Author’s Note: This is originally planned as ONE-SHOT but some comments were asking for it. Long overdue because life happens but here it is finally! Please don’t reupload or make YT content without my permission. This is purely imagination.

Click the link for the part one on my Youtube channel

Pairing: Kim Namjoon x reader

au/genre/warning: too much heartbreak; mentions of self-harm, mental health issues; pregnancy warning, unprotected sex; aggressive

Word Count: 12.9k

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Your hands are shaking as you shuffle through the set of keys to your new apartment. This has been the biggest leap of faith you ever did so far. Well, aside from your craziness and dating Kim Namjoon! But you try your best not to think of him and remember the promise you made yourself not to reconnect with him anymore. You are here because finally you’ve gotten the offer in the University to teach- a dream that happened before you started knowing Kim Namjoon better, not just as idol but the real Kim Namjoon. You sighed when you finally open the door and immediately shut it behind you. It feels different and home sickness starts to creep in. The last time to set foot to this country was with your friends, with the goal just exploring what the place has to offer, but Seoul gave you Joon. “Here you go again with Namjoon, Y/N,” you sighed to yourself. Sometimes you wish you are in different world, in parallel universe. Maybe there, things would’ve worked out. Or maybe in another life, you’d be in the same world and life would be better. “Suck it up!” you told yourself. You can’t live in what ifs and what not’s. You’re here, now. That is what matters.

You picked up your phone and dialled your Mom’s number. Living away from home, with no friends around, in a place where your what ifs are, are kind of tough. You swallowed hard when your mom picked up. She was supportive of your dreams, but when she learned you’re going to Seoul she got worried. She knew about you and Namjoon, though confused what is the real reason of the breakup, she knew you’re in for another heartbreak once your ways intersect again.

“My sunshine, how are you? How’s the apartment? How’s your flight? Have you eaten yet?” your mom worried as ever. “I’m good, Mom. Apartment’s nice, but I haven’t unpacked yet. I just got here. The flight? Urgh, I slept before the plane takes off so…” You laughed. “that’s good. Do you have food there? At least eat something before resting. You can unpack later" You smiled at her remarks, you’re going to miss her sweet nagging and the way she babysits you sometimes. “Mom, I’m a grown-up woman. A strong independent woman. Okay? Don’t worry. I got this handled like a queen!” you chuckled. “Like me,” she added. The call run for what it feels like forever, as you talk about your goals and schedules and anything, you started unpacking your stuff. Placing the family photos carefully and making sure your apartment feels like home one way or another. You smiled seeing your friends’ photos. It was the greatest adventure that winter. It was unexpected, the events were unplanned, it left a big impact of your life..and to think about it, it is one of the reasons you decided to pursue your dreams. Partly, Namjoon pushing and keeps on bugging you to, but mainly because this is where you dreamt of settling way long before you knew BTS exist. Your fascination to South Korea, the culture, tradition, and history of the place made you fall in love, added the amount of KDramas you grew up with- being Goong on top of the list because of the historic and cultural twist of that rom-com.

“Rom Com,” you laughed to yourself. The word that got Namjoon puzzled the first time you talked about favourites. He made a lot of funny poetic thing out of those words, clearly making a big deal of flexing his brainy ass! You smiled to the memories of your dating journey. But as soon as you realised, bitterness and sadness took over again. It has been 3 years since the breakup, and you can’t still take it out of your system. You blamed yourself for being a weakling, a coward. Overly dramatic and pathetic. Well, that is what other fans told you when they found out he’s dating someone. Great thing is BigHit got to intervene before people starts digging into HER that makes Namjoon’s heart flutter and inspired. Writing the song HER in record-breaking time. You can’t bear to hear it now without crying your eyes out for days. It teared you out completely, leading to issues that needs professional help. He didn’t know about that, of course you would never say it. You ended the relationship without further explanation. You dropped it like it doesn’t matter anyway. “It was just a fling.” That was what you said. But you know clearly it was not.

Of course, it’s hard dating an idol. The moment you stepped into the airport when you left after your Seoul getaway, you knew it won’t work. You cling on to the promise that he’d make time to visit you secretly, or make sure you can come to their concerts if your schedule permits. But as life gave you Namjoon in an unexpected time, fate decided to give you the bitter reality. He missed your calls, he forgot your birthday, he’d text once a month. You tried to understand all of that. He clearly has dreams to chase, and you can’t expect him to be with you-especially with their growing popularity. All the concerts, and pressure of producing new tracks, is too much for him…and you came along. Another added stress to what is already on his shoulders. He pleaded to make it work, but you knew it won’t. The biggest part-lack of human touch. You crave for it. You needed it. You needed to be reassured, and you consider touch as your love language. And it is very impossible for two people living miles apart. Heck, worlds apart! At first, you find ways. But virtually, is nothing compared to what you’ve shared back then. The amazing touch, sounds you never knew existed, his deep voice moaning your name… You shake your head once more. “Not gonna happen again. 3 years, Y/N. He moved on. You broke the poor man’s heart because you’re weak. So let him go. Let go!” you say that every day, like a mantra that keeps you going through the whole day.

You opened your SNS to check up on your friends and update them of everything. They are already planning of visiting you. Unlike with them, they did not break Yoongi and Jimin’s hearts. They made it clear after that triple date not to get involved emotionally. They knew better, you did not listen to them, hence they named you “the hard-headed, heart-breaker”. You love their honesty though, and the way they put up with all your drama and crying and making sure you’re attending therapies. It’s not that you’ve attempted to end your life though, you just didn’t find any more reasons to do the things you used to love. You started drifting away from everyone else, shutting doors even to your mom, your blank stares , and the forgotten ways to find happiness. They were the first to notice you drifting away from life. They initiated therapy sessions, made sure you were never alone but still maintaining your independence, and still respecting your privacy and preferences. They are your lifeline. And without them here, it is a tough journey. But you know, you were never alone really. You found your ways of dealing and living with it, you know the pre-warning signs. You grew stronger through it all.

By the end of the day, your apartment is tidied up, all your stuff are organised, and you felt yourself starving. You decided to have a walk around the neighbourhood, looking for essential spots around the area. You found your way towards one convenience store, and that is when it hits you. Looking straight ahead, his face is plastered everywhere- even on drinks! You wish you could just have amnesia and forget you ever met. If you could just start over, you would not let a strange man jumped into your taxi from the airport. You sighed as you try to ignore his grin from the coffee canister. You picked Hoseok instead. Their group has gotten huge that if you meet people from the outer space, they will certainly know about them, too. The idea made you smile, and as crazy as it sounds. But that what Namjoon has always manifested- their message transcends to everyone. Not just being popular but creating an impact that could change one or two lives. Yet he clearly cannot see how one group touched millions of people, and continue touching and attracting positivity to every homes. You are so proud of what they have become. Not that you have personal history together, but because before you’re HER, you’re an ARMY first. You look back to the moments when you have been struggling and how the group manage to lift you up. Ironically, the leader became one of the reasons for your confusion and heartaches for the last 3 years. If there’s an advice you can give to your younger self- DO NOT FALL IN LOVE WITH AN IDOL.

Weeks by, and little by little you get to adopt and create a system of how you’re going to survive this new beginning. You have also met some friends which are so lovely, even some from your country. Luckily, when Hallyu wave is the topic, you can manage to explain the true reason of you coming to South Korea- which is their rich cultures and amazing landscapes. You’ve also visited the places on your bucket list with the guide of your friends, particularly Felix. He has been very accommodating and welcoming and would give you amazing trivia about the places. You spend a lot of time together and sometimes he’d pick you up at work. He’s a nice guy, and you’re starting to like him but you know you’re not ready for anything yet. You made that clear the first time you talked about relationship, but not revealing the identity of the reason.

Days rolled to weeks, turned to months and before you know it it’s been almost a year since you’ve moved. You have been thriving and surviving, managing to build a wall between you and all BTS-related stuff. It has been quite a struggle because they are everywhere but you were able to filter the Namjoon you dated, pretend he’s a different guy from the BTS leader. Because from what you’ve learned, he is really different from RM. Namjoon is real, RM is just a tiny speck of Namjoon.

Fate must’ve been really bored one day you went to a coffee shop after work. It was an unexpected get together with your friends when a familiar face appeared. Your heart begins to race, you feel blood draining from your face, and you hold your breath. “Seems like you’ve seen a ghost” said Ligia. You can’t speak, you just stared at Manager Sejin and Namjoon entering the café. “You said you’re not into KPop?” asked Jenna. You can’t find answers, you can’t think. All you want is to bask in Namjoon’s ethereal presence. He still has that effect on you. The photos from everywhere is nothing compared to the actual Namjoon. Photographers don’t do justice no matter how they try. The man’s beyond aesthetic. His hair, that silver hair you always compliment…and did he hit the gym? He clearly did, his shoulders… his chest…oh that veiny arms who used to wrapped around your waist. That chest you used to sleep on. You’re longing for his touch…. You sit there staring at him, not minding all the questions and commotion from your friends. Not until…

“Y/N?” His voice, his heavenly voice, waking you up from your frozen state. “Oh my. You’re here? Here, here?” he walks towards you and all hell lose. You looked at your friends and strangers looking blankly at you two. Manager Sejin manages to warn anyone not to take photos, bodyguards started coming in. But you, everything seems to be moving slowly. “Ba---” he was about to say it, as if it’s the most natural thing to say. “Nam—Namjoon. H-hi" you finally found your voice, shaky and whispered, but still manageable. You didn’t know how but your friends seemed to be nowhere. It’s just you and Namjoon now, even Manager Sejin seems to have left. “Why? How? When?” he asked. Not sure how to answer, you just shook your head. “I’m sorry. I can’t, I… I don’t know how to explain.. not now, Joonie" you whispered. He smiled but you know he’s confused as well. You stood there for what it feels like eternity. You longed to touch him, you wish you could. But reality is creeping in. If you do it, it’ll ruin your Namjoon. It’ll ruin him and the guys. You cannot afford to do that. You kept your composure and bowed, attempting to walk away. Because any second, you’d burst crying and it’ll be no turning back. Your friends will start asking questions, social media will be filled of your photos, articles will be put up, heck Dispatch has its own ways of finding even your whole information. No, you must leave now!

“Can I at least call you?” he suddenly whispered. “I deserve answers, Y/N" he begged. You looked at him, he’s devastated as well. Was he struggling for the past years too? Trying hard to hide his true emotions, putting up a show for the whole world to know he’s doing great? You nodded. “Same info", you replied. “Thank you. It’s great to see you" he bowed, too formal, too stiff. He walked away first from the back door as Sejin walked past you. You bowed to both at them as they make their way out. When they’re gone, the store reopened but you chose to go home immediately leaving your friends with all their questions and worried looks.

You turned everything off- phone, SNS, laptop…anything that could connect you to the outside world. Right now, you just wanted to be alone. Soak in your own tears and begin hating yourself again. He was few feet away, so near…yet so far. You pinched yourself to make sure you can still feel anything except the emotional pain. Any pain, anything that could divert you from the thoughts of what if’s. “fuck it!” was all you can say while opening another bottle of beer. Sometimes you question how you get so lucky that Namjoon knows your existence. Yet cursed because every move means you could destroy him. “I just wanted a normal life! Date a normal guy! Hold his hand in public! Kiss him in front of the crowd!” You started shouting, over and over until you get exhausted. Curse.

You’re woken up by loud knocking. You checked the clock and it’s 4am, you only had 30 minutes of rest and whoever this is means it’s urgent by how heavy the knocks are. You remembered turning off all your connections, your friends must have been so worried. You peeked at the door, a tall guy’s silhouette stands there. “The fuck you want? Who are you??!!” you yelled. Beer breath coming out and you’re starting to get really dizzy. “open up Y/N" he whispered. “Namjoon? How the fuck did he managed to find me? You asked yourself. “Sorry, wrong house" you answered. “You can’t fool me. Let me in, please. It’s freezing" he begged. “Fuck Namjoon, it’s 4am what the hell are you thinking?” you asked him as you opened your door. You have enough beer in your system to act brave as you face the inevitable questioning. His scent was the first you caught. And God knows how much you missed that scent. 4 years since you’ve last smell that, and it brings back all memories. But now is not the time to think about those memories. “You’ve been drinking?” he has a hint of annoyance in his voice. You chuckled “duh!”. He sighed and sit himself down. “Why are you not answering?” now he seems concerned. “Disconnected outside world" you managed to reply as you tried your best to walk straight. “Jeez, Y/N! You’re wasted. This is not clearly the time" he remarked. “Yes, Kim Namjoon. This is not our time! There will never be our time!” you hissed in anger. He froze by your reply, hurt perhaps, and you started sobbing yet again. “In another lifetime, perhaps" you cried before everything turned black.

You woke up with the worst hangover headache. Everything feels heavy, and the sunlight is not helping at all. You groaned as you roll over your bed and noticed your clothes on the floor. Sudden gush of shock rush through your system as you try your hardest to recall the events from yesterday. NAMJOON! You immediately looked for signs of Kim Namjoon in your room. Aside from clothes on the floor, you’re also wearing new set of pyjamas. “Oh no no no no no no!” you prayed nothing happened between you. It will be a disaster, and you can’t let it ruin your lives again. You quickly run towards the kitchen and notice that the bottles of beer are now neatly packed by the kitchen counter, the living room tidy and not a single evidence of mess. “Joonie?” you asked. But no answer. You can’t be dreaming. No matter how drunk you were last night, you know he was here. He was, and the note on the table confirmed it.

Took the liberty to cook you breakfast. Also have medicines for headache. Lemonade on the fridge. Answer my messages/calls.

-NJ

You asked yourself how can he act as if nothing happened? Like you didn’t break his heart and tore him to pieces? Are you that irrelevant? Worth forgiving without even asking for one? How can he move on so easily? You did this, and your suffering for it but he acts cool and pretends to be okay. You pushed the food aside and went on to get the lemonade, which another note was attached.

Food first before medicine.

You rolled your eyes. And sighed as you open your phone. Messages came flooding through. From friends, your mom, voice mails, and notifications. But above everything, an unknown number with lots of missed call logs. You debated whether to call back that number, as if you don’t have a hint of who owned this number. Like on Cue, the number begins calling you. You were startled and almost dropped your phone. Your heart racing and skipping a beat at the same time.

“Hello?” you greeted.

“Finally!” Namjoon groaned.

“Why?” you asked plainly. “Nothing. Just making sure you’re up and eating.”

“Yes, I saw the notes. Thanks" you sighed. Then followed by silence.

“I have to go. But I'll call you again" he said, and ended the call.

What’s new? You mumbled to yourself. It was like that. It started with calls like that. He was always busy, you get it. You let him be, talk to you whenever he can. You never asked directly or demanded anything from him. His free time means writing new tracks, and talking to you at the same time. You were okay with it. His voice calms you down and brings comfort. He would send surprise gifts, too, with the help of Abi and Maigne.

You decided to call your friends.

“Whattt??? He went to your apartment? What was he thinking???” Maigne freaked out. “I don’t know, I didn’t get the chance to ask.” You answered. “Y/N! You didn’t…..did you?” Abi asked with questioning look. “No!.... I don’t know! I woke up with different set of clothes” you looked down, trying to recall everything but to no avail. “You…aiissshhh!!! I don’t know. How are you though?” Maigne asked, concern taking over. You shrugged because honestly, you don’t know. “Is there…is there any news? You know, SNS?” you waited patiently as both of them tried hard not to spill the tea. “Hmm. Nothing so far. Clear from dispatch. Comeback goals…, few buzzed about Namjoon and mystery girl at a coffee shop.. nothing much.” Abi said, as she scrolls absent-mindedly through her feeds. “Yeah, same", added Maigne. They were busy scrolling that they did not catch your reaction from the last statement. “Coffee shop". “What?” they asked in unison. “That was me" you swallow painfully. “Why would you leave that detail???” Maigne asked. “I was pre-occupied with him barging in my apartment. But yeah, that is how we met.” And you filled them with all the details you can remember. They are confused as well, and have different opinions on how to deal with Namjoon. “We’ll be filing our vacation leave soon. Hang in there, okay?” Abi reassured and you smiled as you ended the video call. You didn’t bother calling your Mom about Namjoon, she’ll just worry and you know she’s had enough of you getting your heartbreak.

You let go and ignored the urge to text him again. Besides, you learned that they’re preparing for their comeback. What you need to prepare is how to answer your new friends. Of course you can’t tell the truth. “I attended couple of album signing and other events for BTS. They have very sharp memories,” you lied. They didn’t bugged you again, as it has become a norm for the fans to attend public events. Days pass and you decided to focus on your work instead of basking around the idea of Namjoon, or reaching out to him. But then you receive a message from him:

Namjoon: Can we meet?

You: Outside? IDK Namjoon. It’s all over SNS

Namjoon: I’ll pick you up. The guys wanted to see you, too.

You: Is that even a good idea?

Namjoon: They missed you

You: Should we be talking first? I don’t want them to get the idea that I’m coming back

Namjoon: ok

You know it hurt him, just as much as it hurts you. But it is for the better. They might get the wrong impression of you coming back to Namjoon’s life just because you’re here now. They might protect you, they can protect you. They have been always supportive of you and Namjoon. But the main concern here is- will you be able to protect them especially Namjoon? You’ve put him in so much stress and heartbreak already, you can’t let that happen again as much as you missed him. His image is more important than anything. It’s the best you can do.

You: you can come here. We can talk here.

You were fixing your dinner when you heard someone knocking. You are not expecting anyone, except Namjoon. You furrowed your brows, it can’t be… But when you opened the door, it is him.

“Hi. Wasn’t expecting you. I thought we’d schedule or something,” you stuttered. “Oh, did I catch you in a bad time?” he hesitated. “No, no. I just thought you’re busy. Come in,” you try your best to calm your nerves. Seeing him here, miraculously you’re sober this time, makes you want to cling yourself around his arms. Feel him, touch him. It took all your might not to do that. “I’m preparing dinner. Do you wanna…join?” you can’t hide the awkwardness, but he smiled. The most reassuring smile. “Sure,” he attempts to stand up but you signalled him not to. It’s like you’re both testing waters, trying to hold back everything. “So, how are you?”, he asked while looking at the photos on the table. You scoffed “Surviving”. He nodded and smiled a little. “You?” you asked. “Album prep’s going on nicely.” “No, Joon. Namjoon. You.” You insisted. “I like it when you call me that. And yeah, I guess I am trying to survive, too” Then silence followed. You know it’s time to talk about what happened, but you don’t want to ruin dinner. Stalling, you’re good at it. Prolonging your agony perhaps but at least you’re buying a little more time to look at him. The man who was once you called home. “Dinner’s ready. Wine?” you want to kick yourself for offering alcohol when you want to talk about serious stuff. He nodded, showing his dimples. Your favourite…one of your favourite parts of him.

Dinner was fine but awkward. He tried to lighten up the mood by talking about the new album, the past concerts, the craziness of the guys, and how they get full schedule for the whole year. You are very proud of them, how they handle everything together all at once. “How are you, Y/N?” he suddenly asked. “I told you, surviving.” You replied. He nodded. “Listen..” you inhaled deeply. He sighed; he knows it’s THE TALK you’re going to have. “I’m sorry for bailing out.” You dropped your gaze on the floor, not wanting to see how devastated he is. “I should’ve tried harder. I should’ve... I should’ve fought harder. But I just couldn’t. I had to let go,” your tears begin to pool in your eyes. Your vision becomes blurry. He didn’t move. He didn’t say anything. So, you continued, “You were the nicest guy- RM or Namjoon. And I just can’t be with you. I can’t ruin you, Joon. I won’t forgive myself if that happens. I can’t defend you. I can’t…” “please, stop” he sighed. “It’s not on you, Y/N. I was too busy I forgot about you, your needs. My promises” he sighed. “I knew it won’t work. But at least we tried?” you whispered, sobbing. “We did,” he whispered too, voice starts to crack.

.

.

.

.

Months past, you focused yourself and everything into work that you never had any chance of thinking about what happened during that night. It was all dramatic but freeing. You stopped questioning everything and decided to move forward instead of dwelling in the past. He is doing well, too. You started to follow them on SNS again, started watching their new MVs and interviews. You smile once in a while, and ironically, their new songs comfort you. You were back being ARMY. Whatever happened in the past is far behind your control and concern right now. Besides, you are an ARMY first. You also started going to the places you once visited with Namjoon. Your favourite place to unwind and de-stress is the restaurant near Han River where you went on a dinner date. It was awkward at first, memories came flushing. But every time you set foot, it becomes your comfort zone. Plus the view is really relaxing and heavenly. One hell night, you were rushing to get away from all the stress of work, you drive all the way there only to be told that the whole place is reserved for VIP visitors. To your dismay, you sighed and stayed outside for a little while. While you were about to go home, someone called your name. “Y/N? Is that you?” You turned around and you were immediately enveloped into his hug. “Oh my! It is you! Wow!” Jimin giggled. “Jimin! Hi. Um, what…you’re here?” you asked in panicked. “Yes, the boys are inside. Come!” he pulled you. “I don’t think it’s a good idea, Chim.” You said shyly. “Oh don’t worry with Namjoon. He’s cool, he’s moved on. We know.” Your heart pains by his remark. “Yeah. But… I don’t know.” You hesitated. “Just drop and say hi then I’ll let you be. I promise. We just missed you having around.” He looked at you with puppy eyes, and who would not fall for that trick? Especially coming from sweet Jimin! You sighed and you let him lead you inside. “Look who I found outside!” Jimin screamed. They all looked at you, mouth wide open. You can’t bear look at them but you turned your gaze to Namjoon. “Y/N?” he stood up and walk towards you. “H-hi. I was about to go home. You guys enjoy the night.” You bowed to them and walk away, but Namjoon caught your arm. “No, no. Stay for a while. Join us. Right guys?” he asked them and they all nodded. You caught Yoongi’s eyes and he looks at you with angry look. You move your gaze to the floor, trying to contain your tears. “Yeah, Y/N. Join us” he said plainly. You know Namjoon felt the intensity of Yoongi’s words, too, but he shook it off. You smiled a little, unsure about Yoongi’s reaction. “So, Y/N. What have you been up to? Are you staying for good? Or you gonna run again?” he asked bitterly. “Hyung. Let’s not.. please drop it” Namjoon interrupted. The guys fell silent. You inhaled sharply, you were put in a hot seat, might as well give them what they want to hear. To hell with all the inhibitions and pretentions. “Look, I messed up, big time,” you started. “Y/N, we’re good. You don’t have to explain. We’ve already talked” he whispered. “No, Joon. We talked, but they didn’t hear me. They also need to know. What happened was not just between you and I. They were affected, too. I know.” You sighed. “I messed up. You’ve been so protective of me, of us. You did everything to keep my identity away from spying eyes. You protected me in a way I can’t protect you. I… I felt useless, I felt like a hindrance. I can’t come near you because I’m too afraid to be exposed. I can’t let myself ruin your career.” You swallowed hard before continuing.. “Namjoon went through a lot, I know how it feels because I got my heart broken too, you know. But you were there to console him, you have full schedule to at least help him get off his mind from me. I have nothing. I always had you to comfort me, but when it all happen, I can’t even listen to a single song nor can’t bear to say your name. You were my comfort, and I broke you. It’s selfish. I’m sorry. I will leave you be.” You started crying hard. Not giving a fuck of what you look like in front of everyone. You let your heart out, you’re

standing there vulnerable and looking pathetic but you don’t care anymore. You wanted to scream, you wanted to say you still care but you didn’t. You didn’t want to hurt them again especially Namjoon. “You know we are ready to risk everything just to see Namjoon happy again. He was doing well. Now, you’re here again? Why?” Yoongi asked without any emotions. “They offered me a job here. I know I should’ve rejected it. It’s dumb. But don’t worry, I will not get in your way.” You answered back. “That’s not what I meant, Y/N” Yoongi softens. He looked at you and to Namjoon. “Is there a tinge of hope when you accepted the offer, that Namjoon is part of why you accepted it?” he asked. You looked at Namjoon and started sobbing again. Because yes, you knew Seoul is home. You knew he was here. You didn’t expect nor look for him, but you let fate decide. You readied yourself of the possibility of bumping into him. Namjoon was about to hug you but you stepped back. “I can’t do this. Not again. I’m sorry” you bowed and run as fast as you could. Away from them. You opened up another wound, you did this. But you also felt relief for having the chance to explain to the guys why you did what you did. It’s for the best. Hopefully.

.

.

.

“So, since you’ve fully admitted to be an ARMY, can we please please please attend their concerts?”, begged Ligia when they announced the concert details few months after the storm within you had settled. “Concerts? You mean not just one day?” you asked bewildered. “YES! I’ve been saving up and finally getting enough money to go worldwide!!” she exclaimed proudly. You shook your head, “I don’t know. I have to look at my schedule first.” She screamed with excitement. “No promises!” you replied laughing. You fixed your schedule the next day you went to work, great thing concerts are scheduled during weekends. The ticket selling was nerve-wracking though! All your friends-ARMY or NOT, help you buy VIP tickets for both days. But Ligia seemed to be wanting more so with her constant nagging, you both applied for soundcheck for both days as well. And life gave you what you’ve wished for- both days with soundcheck privilege. “You’re one lucky, bitch!” she screamed when you told her you got them, unluckily for her she was not chosen. “Well, it was your idea!” you laughed, “I’ll sneak a photo or video for you” you tried to console her. “Namjoon,” she replied. All of a sudden, you gasp. “What??? I said I like Namjoon. Have photos or videos of him doing Bapsae please!” she begged. The memories of your first night came rushing on you. He was indeed great in that movement. You blushed as you tried to contain the giddy feeling taking over you. “Sure,” you managed to answer with cracking voice.

.

.

.

The day of the concert and you and Ligia were too excited and messy all at the same time. Her enthusiasm got over you as well as you both giggle with the posters you made and the outfit you’ve chosen for each other. You were planning something comfortable but Ligia won’t drop the lace and harness the boys were wearing during the previous concerts and concepts. “I’m not sure about this. We’ll be standing, screaming, dancing and crying in these tight outfits for 2 hours!” you screamed. “As long I catch Namjoon’s glimpse, I don’t fucking care!’” she screamed harder. Namjoon, looking at other girls with these outfit. Bitterness takes over. You sighed and let go. You’re not in any position to complain. He’s heavenly, and his dark gaze would turn anyone into feelings not known even to themselves. You shake your head to dismiss another thought of him. The que is outrageous as expected! But one thing that is amazing- ARMY strangers turn into friends the moment you’re in the que. They are all friendly and giddy and for a moment you know you’re part of something big, a family, a universe. And for what it feels like forever you are glad you’re alive in this lifetime witnessing history made by BTS. Ligia decided to come early even if she’s not part of the soundcheck, she wanted to meet all the ARMYs and started distributing gift and tokens to her new found family. You smiled and waved at her when it’s time to enter the soundcheck area. Adrenalin pumping all over your system, like it’s your first time seeing them. You smiled, trying to recall the happy memories you personally experience around the guys. One by one, the guys showed up. Hyping ARMYs and the crowd goes wild. You were screaming as well, and then he saw you. Out of all the crowd, his eyes dart on you. He looked at you from head to toe, and back to your face. You suddenly stopped and bit your lips. The boys were busy saying something to ARMY but here you are locking gaze with their leader. You saw him mouth WOW while looking at you- in a black tight leather mini skirt, mesh stockings. Red lace bralette topped with black leather jacket, choker and harness all over your body. You were cursing Ligia for making you wear such outfit but seeing Namjoon’s reaction made you feel glad. He liked it, clearly. Then Hoseok went to him and bumped him, signalling they’re about to start the soundcheck. Hoseok saw you as well and waved at you with wide eyes and silly smile. Only then you heard ARMYs screaming and you’re taken back to your senses. You pinched yourself and tried not to be too obvious with what’s happening in your body every time Namjoon looks at you. He’s sending butterflies, making your heart beat faster, taking your breath away. You remembered your promise to Ligia and took the risk of getting your phone out. It is prohibited though, but you don’t care anymore. You’re doing this not just for Ligia but for memories of what is happening to you, to him, right here. Like he knows what you are doing he went near to your area, winked sending all the ARMY screaming. Then for a moment, they rested and talked. Hoseok laughed and looked at you and all the members nodded. Jimin went to talk to the producers and Yoongi talked, “Okay this is not in the setlist but guess what?” and on cue, Bapsae played! “Shit” was all you can say as they disperse taking their own places in the stage. And a tease as he is, he chose in front of you. Your eyes widened and he showed his smirk, and you swore as you almost dropped your phone. He was at it- hard and wild. Making you sweat, swallow, squirm and trying to compose yourself. You reminded yourself once again of the reasons why you both decided to stop trying. You were fine, but damn Namjoon teasing you like this. You can feel the heat on your cheeks as he dances in front of you, locking gaze subtlety. He’s enjoying this, and whatever it is you are teasing him as well biting your lips and parting them with a sigh. He laughed and shook his head when the song ended. “WOOOOOOWWW! Amazing! See you later ARMYs!!!” screamed Jungkook. And that marks the

end of soundcheck. Before they went back, he glanced at you one more. You smiled.

You were out and showing the video to Ligia when suddenly you received a text. You quickly grabbed your phone away from her just in time the pop-up notification shows.

Namjoon: Wow. Lace and leather huh?

You: Ligia made me wear it.

Namjoon: Suits you well, Y/N.

You: Stop. I’m not going for the soundcheck tomorrow anymore!

Namjoon: you got 2 days? Just my luck

You: Rest.

Namjoon: See you later.

You furrowed your brows to his last reply but dismissed it anyway. “Who was that? You’re blushing!”, exclaimed Ligia. “No one.” You quickly deleted the messages and hand her your phone, “You want to finish the video or what?” She giddily takes it and melts in her own world.

After the concert, you felt as if you’re drained. Every time a concert ends, it’s like it brings you to a state of separation anxiety where you don’t know what else to do except re-live every moment. It goes like that all the time. You hang in there till the next time you get to hype with them, and longing starts to creep in. They were beyond amazing tonight, setting standards for concerts to the highest. Ligia was so happy and can’t stop talking about them, now confused more than ever between who her real bias is. “So, who’s your bias? I was too focused and I lost count how many times I swerve lanes tonight!” she exclaimed on your way to your apartment. “I don’t have one,” you answered honestly. “They all hit you in different ways, you know? So I threw that bias list and hype up to whoever that gives me the most feels in different situations.” She nodded. “So glad I was able to see them live. We’re lucky” she remarked. Yes, you are. And to your luck, you noticed a car parked outside your building. Great thing Ligia lives on the other building so you went separate ways. “See you tomorrow! And be sure to wear the outfit we’ve chosen or else..!” she bids as she runs to her building. Your eyes started to linger on the car parked. You don’t want to get your hopes up but who would park there with an unreleased Hyundai Palisade?

You dismissed the thought and continue walking towards your door.

Namjoon: 2 minutes

You ignored the message and decided to reply later as you settled in your couch to rest. But your rest was disturbed at exactly 2 minutes. When you opened the door, Namjoon entered quickly, looking back if someone saw him. “Shit, took you so long to go home,” he remarked. “Are you insane? Why are you here, Namjoon! Fuck, there are people outside! You’re trying to get Dispatch expose you, huh?” He laughed and sighed, basking in the sight of you and your concert outfit. Suddenly you became aware of what you have done to him. “No. Hey, this is fun. But Namjoon, we talked about this.” You tried to calm yourself but your voice is failing you, cracking because of how intense he looks at you. “Why did you go to the concert?” he asked. “I’m an ARMY and I missed seeing you perform.” He chuckled. “I- I mean all of you. Pft, not you alone! You know.. you and the boys, and..” you are shaking under his gaze. “Yeah, and why dressed like that? You know you’re attending soundcheck and it’s not crowded” he whispered. You swear his low, dark voice, would be your death. “Ligia’s fault.” “Hmm” he replied and walk closer to you. You tried to walk back, you really need to walk away. This is going to be messy and you made mental note of how this would ruin you and his career. You know better, you have to. But your body froze, your heart beats fast, your breath shallow in anticipation. The butterflies went swirling and your heart just keeps on failing you. You blame your hormones for being too wild tonight, for letting it take over the moment your eyes lock during soundcheck. The intense gaze while dancing, the memories of you having wild sex that winter. The urge, painful urge of longing for his touch. The feelings are all too overwhelming. He feels it, too. That is why he is here, risking everything just to see you. It’s not lust, it’s not just mere body craving. It’s the longing you both have been trying to contain. You both tried ignoring it when he went for closure. You know how much he strained himself not to touch you, kiss you. But tonight, all of the what if’s and risks are slowly fading. You crave for him. God knows how much you miss caressing his silky hair, kissing his soft velvety lips, playfully poking his dimples. Seems like he can read your mind, he sighed. “Y/N,” he whispered and touch his forehead to yours. “what are you doing to me?” “Joonie, I think…” you can’t finish your sentence. You just want to grab him and kiss him like it’s your last day on earth. “Baby, I want you back” he whispered, longing voice, almost begging. “I need you, Y/N. I need my yellow. When you left, I struggled a lot. I am good at hiding, but this time, seeing you here. I am willing to take the risk. Please, come back” he hugged you tight you can feel his heart beating fast. “Namjoon, we’ve talked about this. It’s a big risk for you and the whole group” you cannot deny the fact that you wanted him, too. You wanted him and willing to do whatever it takes, but what if you ruin his image? The group worked hard to where they are now. You can’t just take it away from them just because you are deeply in love with their leader. “We are all adults, we are humans. We are not perfect just as the society wants us to be. We need love, too” he whispered. You melted, like a butter your heart melts away. Who are you to deprive the love Namjoon deserves? Who are you to take his yellow away? You are coward, and you’re making him look pathetic to be begging for you. “Baby, I want to. You know how much I love you. But what if…” he didn’t let you finish. You admitted that you’re still in love with him through these years is enough for him. He slowly dip his face towards you, inch by inch you can clearly see him brightening, gaining his own beam of light. He loves you, you love him.

Whatever it takes, you throw all your worries away. You kissed him. You let your love and adoration to Kim Namjoon take over. The kiss was surprisingly slow, no rush despite the years of being apart. You take it all in, passion and pure ecstasy. His lips as soft as ever, his hands caress your back delicately as if afraid this is not real. It’s like your hand has a mind of its own, you caress his soft silver hair. His hands travels from your back to your waist and before you know it, he’s carrying you to the couch. You sit on his lap, aware of all that is happening inside his trousers and the heat building up between you. You need to feel him, you want him so bad you deepened the kiss. His tongue gently asking for permission, and you let him in. Soft moans and gasps are all you can hear in the silent living room. Before you could go any further, you break it. “Why?” he whispered. “You still have concert for tomorrow, Baby. And as much as I want you to spend the night here, I do. God, I really do. But I want to-“ “Let’s take things slow” he finished. He smiled sincerely and kiss you again, more passionate than ever. You nodded and he pulled you into a tight hug. “Oh how much I miss you, Y/N. I don’t want to let go.” He chuckled. “Me, too. So much that it hurts. But for now, you are RM. And as RM, you have to be at your 101% tomorrow. Today, you’ve been so rough and full of energy. I don’t want to have that energy all to myself tonight.” You teased. “But what about your outfit? I wanna ruin it, rip it off. Replace that choker with my hands” he whispered. “I love that. But not today” you teased back. He grunted but brings you into a tight hug. “So this means, you’re mine. Right?” he asked. “Silly! I am always yours, Kim Namjoon. Always.” You kissed him once more, savouring the feeling of being enveloped into the arms of your man once more. You were enjoying the comfiest hug when his phone buzzed. He answered but still holding you close. “Yes. I’m here at Y/N’s apartment. Shut up! No, I’m going back later. Let me fucking enjoy my girlfriend, Hoseok! STOP CALLING ME!” he laughed as he ended the call. “What was that?” you asked. “He keeps on asking if I’m coming home tonight or if I want to meet them at the stadium tomorrow instead” he chuckled. “Hoseok and his cuteness!” you giggled. “They missed you, you know. They saw you today, and they keep on bugging me to bring you there” he looked at you, asking for permission. “I missed them, too. But we’ll work it out. After what happened to Yoongi, I don’t know if I’m even welcome anymore,” you admitted. “Hey. Babe, it’s fine. When you left that night, we had discussions. They fully understand now. He even asked about you today. He saw you, too” he explained. “And…?” you bit your lips, bracing for a heart-break. “He wants to make up. So please come with me after the concert tomorrow?” he showed his dimples, acting cutely. “What if someone sees me?” you are worried and questions are starting to pile up again. “We got it covered, just like the old times. Besides, we’re adults. We’re all going to date one day, it just so happens that I got you first” he chuckled. You rolled your eyes on him, setting your head on his broad chest. “You’ve gotten big” you teased. “Wait till I show you. Now?” he whispered. “Not today” you laughed.

Your next concert outfit was the complete opposite of yesterday. You choose to wear BT21 pyjamas, complete with headband and other accessories. Since Ligia is wearing Koya, you chose to wear Chimmy. When Namjoon saw you at the soundcheck, he can’t stop laughing and even pointed it to Jimin, to which he almost rolls on the floor with too much laughing. It was fun seeing them doing the things they love, and seeing Namjoon so happy today. Others also noticed it by the amount of SNS updates of how he was looking so fine today and his dimples deeper than ever. To your surprise, they change some of the song line up for day 2. They added Outro: Her. You have mixed emotions over that song. The song he has written for you in under 20 minutes. You were on the phone then, and suddenly he interrupted you. “Wait, baby. I have something… stay on the line” The next thing you know, he was singing. His vocals that soothe you, and the sweet humming while he tries to put it all together. When it was complete, he let you hear it. “You’re the first to hear this demo. My HER” he said excitedly. “Also, your tear?” you asked sweetly. He chuckled, “yeah, my start and end”.

And now, hearing it after the breakup and now reconciliation, it hits you. All to different places but most importantly in your heart. He is so sincere and innocent and pure, and your heart swells with pride. Kim Namjoon, the philosopher, all yours. You look at him while he’s singing on the stage and it seems like he’s looking for someone- YOU. You were in barricade, so you are very near the stage. You screamed so loud even Ligia was startled. “KIM NAMJOON! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! I WOULD NEVER HURT YOU!” And just like that, he saw you. He beamed and went to you, continue singing. To others, it may seem normal as the boys usually do that-even to the point of taking videos of themselves using ARMYs phone. But to you, it’s different, it is special. He sit, looking at you while singing. You stood there, calmly crying while Ligia’s looking at you then Namjoon then back to you, while her eyes wide open and mouth dropping. It hits her. She knew. But you don’t care anymore. You only cared about Namjoon. Your universe. When the song ended, they did their ending spiel. One by one they thank ARMY for two amazing nights and promising to see ARMYs again. They are set for world tour and you brace yourself for another rollercoaster ride.

“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?” Ligia shouted after the concert ended. “What was what?” you pretended to know nothing. “The fuck! Tell me the truth! How’d you know Namjoon? First the coffee shop, then random texts, and now HER?” Ligia interrogated. “You have to stop reading fanfictions! Jeez!” you tried to shake it off by laughing at her reaction. “Oh don’t give me that shit, Y/N! Truth, now” she demanded. “Look, I am so tired. Can we talk about this tomorrow?” you smiled reassuringly. “You were flirting with him on the stage! And..” she gasp. “What?” You look at where Ligia is looking. “Babe,” Namjoon called you, walking towards you. “What is happening. I’m going to pass out! You… he..” she can’t finish her sentence. “What in the world, Namjoon?” you scolded him in front of your frozen friend. “It’s taking too long. I had to steal you away from…?” Namjoon looked at Ligia. “L-Ligia” she answered like she’s under a spell. “That’s enough drooling over my man, Ligia” you jokingly warned. “What the fuck, you traitor! He’s my bias!” she said jokingly but internally screaming. “What about you two get in the car before dispatch comes here?” Namjoon whispered. You pulled Ligia with you, who is clearly still in shocked. You were both greeted by the security, no other BTS members. They must have been too tired or having after party. “Where to?” asked one bodyguard. “The restaurant near Han River please” Namjoon replied, enveloping you into tight hug and kissing you on your forehead. Ligia shriek by Namjoon’s gesture. “So.. you two? If you don’t mind me asking?” interrogated Ligia. The security answered, “All information about personal life of BTS members must be kept in private. Should there be breached with the member’s personal life, please know that you are held liable and may be called to address in the court.” “Holy shit. That strict huh?” Ligia replied. You and Namjoon chuckled, and the body guard cleared his throat. “You’re in this mess, girl. Sorry” you laughed. “I still have a lot of questions though” she insisted. You shook your head and smiled. “Shit, I should’ve went straight to my apartment!” she sighed. “I trust you. But by this time, Bighit might have your information. Shhh. So” you joked around. “For fucking real? I don’t want my visa to be revoked over this relationship.” She laughed. “We’re kidding. And yes, Y/N is my girlfriend” Namjoon answered. “Lucky you! I might start crying now” she replied, literally teary-eyed. “Hey, I’m not gonna take your bias-RM, away. Kim Namjoon is mine, RM is for all ARMY” you replied. He tightened his hug around you, “I think I’m the lucky one.” He kissed you in the forehead once again.

The dinner went well, with Ligia talking and asking about how cool being the biggest boy band right now, the groups plan for the future, and keeps praising them and thanking them for all the music and inspiration they give to everyone. Namjoon feeds her with details about the preparation from the concerts while subtly keeping his hands tightly wrapped around your waist. He doesn’t want to be rude but you know he wants to rest now. When Ligia run out of things to say, she finally retreats. “so, how am I going home now?” she chuckled. “We’ll drop you off your apartment.” Replied the bodyguard. “What about you, Y/N?” she asked. “Oh she’s coming with me.” Namjoon replied casually. Her eyes wide and smirked, “oh..” You shake your head with her reaction. “Seems like you both are ready to bed, wearing pyjamas at concerts.” Namjoon chuckled.

After dropping Ligia, you went to your apartment to get some stuff. You decided to visit the boys and celebrate with them before they go to intense rehearsals for their upcoming world tour. They’re going to the US for couple of months and you have decided to stay rather than go with them, besides work needs you here and you haven’t had time to file your leave. You’re okay with it. You have manage more than a year without seeing each other, what is months compared to it. At least now, you know he’s just literally around the corner when they’re back home.

The boys greeted you one by one. They are as welcoming as ever, and unlike the previous encounter at the restaurant, Yoongi came in hugging you and ruffling your hair. “Welcome home, Y/N” he said. “Oh Yoongi, I missed you. Sorry about-“ he didn’t let you finish. “Let’s forget about it. It’s done. We’ll start anew!” He pulled you in and you settled beside Namjoon as they set up their table for after party. “Oh shit, we have VLive schedule! We promised ARMY!” reminded Jin. “Oh okay, no worries. I’ll leave you guys alone. Will just roam around Namjoon’s room” you said goodbye to them and settle in his room, opening your Vlive as if you’re not in the same house with them. When they started the live feed, you noticed your bag near Namjoon. “Shit!!! ARMY eyes!” you immediately texted him informing about the bag. He stood up and clumsily took your bag away. Comments came rushing on VLive asking about the bag and Jin trying to find a perfect excuse. “I am fond of bags” Hoseok saved him. “You want to see what’s inside my bag? Maybe I’ll do that on the next VLive.” He added. Namjoon came running inside, giving you your bag. “I’m sorry” you lowered your gaze. “Hey, it’s all good, Baby. Just an excuse to kiss you, I’ve been dying to kiss you!” He kissed you passionately until you hear the boys shouting for Namjoon. He immediately ran out, hair dishevelled and Taehyung almost choke laughing. “Hyung, your hair. A mess! You must’ve-” the boys cut him out and he realized he almost spilled the tea. They all laughed and being silly talking about everything they love about ARMY, the concert, and how excited they are for the upcoming world tour. They promised to go on live during their breaks and will go home as soon as it’s over. “We know you will be waiting for us, we will come back as soon as possible!” Namjoon promised. “In an instant, yeah hyung?” teased Taehyung once more, sending Namjoon blushing, and his eyes nowhere to be found. “Gosh, these guys” you laughed.

After the VLive ended, you went out and joined them to their after-party. He couldn’t take his hands off of you, drawing circles on your lower back. They are already getting drunk- Hoseok turning into tomato red, Seokjin louder than ever, Yoongi being savage but turns out he is really funny, Jimin can’t barely open his eyes from too much laughing, Jungkook dozing off, Taehyung started to sing every song on their new album, and your man whispering how excited he is to be finally introducing you to his family. You almost choke at his plan. Meeting his family is a big deal especially in their culture. You can’t just bring someone without being sure of your future with her. “You’re probably just drunk. Come on, let’s go!” you tried to pull him up but his stronger. He pulled you on his lap and start kissing you. “So this is what were witnessing every day?” Taehyung remarked. “Hmm mmm” Namjoon replied, mouth still exploring yours. “AISSHHH! Get a room!” Yoongi shouted. “That’s hot!” remarked Hoseok. “Oh my god! Stop! I’m getting turned on!” joked Jimin. You laughed and tried to push Namjoon away but he deepened the kiss. “Show off! Just clean up after your mess. Not a single drop in the our common area!” Seokjin exclaimed. “Baby-stop” you managed to finally free yourself from Namjoon. He laughed and you can now clearly see the expressions of the members. They have their phone on both of you, probably taking photos and videos for blackmailing. “Stop it, you guys!” you said embarrassed. You covered your face and they all laughed. “We’re just happy you are finally here, Y/N. Really. Namjoon’s glowing again. And he’s writing tracks more than ever” Hoseok commented. “I’m never leaving. I’m here to stay” you reassured them. “You’re gonna live here? Great! But I’m serious about the rule- if you’re going to do it in all common areas, please clean up” Seokjin commented. “No! Just learn how to knock in my room and even my studio, especially you Jimin and Jungkook” Namjoon replied. They both nodded, and the night ended with more laughter and more beer.

You woke up with a very bad headache and it took you minutes to make up where you are. Too many KAWS figures, bonsai plants, paintings… “Namjoon?” you immediately called out his name but he’s nowhere to be found. You went out and the boys greeted you, the living room smells like pancake and the maknaes running around chasing after the last banana milk that Jimin is holding. “Where’s Joonie?” you asked Jin while helping him prepare the table for breakfast. “RKive I think” he replied. You went there and smile at the sight of your man. Brows furrowed, lips plumped, he’s clearly in the zone of making another track he didn’t even noticed you walked in. “Baby, do you want to have your breakfast here?” you politely asked, trying not to disturbed him. “Oh, sorry I didn’t notice you, babe. Good morning, sunshine!” he enveloped you into tight hug and kissed your forehead. “What are you up to?” you asked, noticing the emptied coffee cups on his desk. “Working on new tracks. There are so much to do, I don’t want to miss the ideas that came rushing this morning” he pulled you into his lap and wrapped your arms around your waist. “Breakfast first, please? I don’t want you get sick especially you’re going away” you pouted. “Hmm, what about dessert first?” he whispered. You furrowed your brows, not sure if you have the same meaning of dessert. “What dessert?” you innocently asked. He pointed at his groin, which you notice a big tent. “Oh, need help with that?” you replied playfully. He winked and in an instant you pulled yourself up from his lap, turned his chair around and dropped on your knees. “Fuck,” he chuckled while quickly letting his fleece shorts drop. You are still amaze by the sight of Namjoon’s huge dick despite having to ride it many times before. The years without him, you haven’t forgot this amazing view and you’d relive it a million times. But right here, right now, you can’t help but be thankful of following your heart rather than living in what if’s. “Are you just gonna stare at it?” he chuckled. “You’re a god.” You managed to reply before slowly running your tongue along his shaft. You could hear his deep moans. He grabbed your hair to have better view of how you beautifully you suck his dick. You take it all in, tasting his sweet-salty precum. You circled you tongue on his tip, gently running from side to side, trying your best to please your man. “Fuck, Y/N. You’re so fucking hot!” he managed to say in between his gripped teeth. Jaw clenching, and clearly trying not to go deeper to hurt you, you gathered all the courage and deep swallowed him whole until you can feel it at the back of your throat. His eyes were wide and he tightened his grip on your head “Shit baby! You’ve been a practicing?” he has a tinge of annoyance in his voice. You’re taken back to that night when you first had sex, it was still new to you. “hmm” you replied, sending the vibrations to every inch of his thick manhood. You let go for a second to catch your breath. “No, sir. It was you, only you!” And that’s the truth. No matter how intense your longing for him or any human touch, you’ve never bed a guy even after your break up. You can’t think of sucking other dicks except Namjoon’s. “Such a good girl,” he managed to reply before you started sucking him again. Namjoon’s moan is all you can ever hear in his studio and you start bobbing your head faster, determined to make him cum in your mouth. “Shit baby. I’m cumming… fuck.. Y/N ahh” he filled your mouth with his warm, heavenly juice. You looked at him and swallowed, making sure no drip on the carpet. You suck him clean! “Fuck that is so freaking hot!” he exclaimed while guiding you back to his lap. “Your turn, baby” he whispered. You bit your lips and gently shook your head. “What? Why? I want to make you feel good.” He pleaded. “Tonight, my love. You have full access” you teased and bit his earlobe. He groaned and laughed, pulling you closer to him.

You went out after Jin keeps on knocking, telling the food is getting cold. They were all shocked and started laughing when you emerge. “What the hell are you laughing at?” Namjoon answered. “You realized your door was not closed yeah?” Hoseok exclaimed, chuckling. You buried your self in Namjoon’s back in embarrassment, prayed that a UFO is real and that they’ll suck you up any second now. “Shit sorry” chuckled Namjoon. “Pft, it’s alright. It’s not like Hoseok has been silent during sex, too” Taehyung respond. “Hoseok?” you looked at his innocent smile. “Shut up, Taehyung. It was a one-night stand!” he yelled back laughing. You shake your head over their mischievousness, somewhat it comforts you. They are adults, indeed. And they need skin ship, too, like everyone else. Sometimes, seeing them playfully talk about adult stuff and just being their own selves inside their house makes me feel like they have another persona. Being an idol must’ve been tiring, especially they started too young, and society has been very keen to each move they make. You settled down and joined them for breakfast, thinking about how lucky you are to be spending these days with them.

World tour preparation was tiring, even for you. You decided to go home that night but Namjoon asked you to come back. “I really wanted to make up to you, spend the days here before we go for the tour. Please, baby?” he whispered with his cute little puppy eyes. You can’t help but say yes to his cuteness. He giggled like a playful kid before calling the security to drive you up in your apartment and pick few clothes and stuff. On your way back, you decided to buy the boys some ice cream cake and banana milk. It’s a small gesture as a thank you gift for welcoming you again in their home and being so supportive of you and Namjoon. Jimin yelp in joy when he saw the ice cream cake, and Jungkook immediately take the banana milk, carefully labelling each for the members. Jin continues to impress you with his cooking skills, making you feel embarrass for not cooking deliciously as he does. “Aish, Y/N! You will learn through the years. Even if you and Namjoon get married, you will still be with us so I can teach you all the cooking skills!” he said proudly. You blushed at the thought of you and Namjoon and marriage, but it’s too early to tell. You’re still starting over, testing waters,, though you are quite sure you can see him in your future. You noticed him missing again, while the guys are gathered up for a movie marathon. And then suddenly, Vlive notified you that BTS is live. You opened the notification and you see him showing off his new collections in his studio. You smiled proudly as he talks about the future plans of BTS and the new tracks he’s working on. Somewhere though, in the middle of his VLive he showed a pair of baby shoes. He said it’s for his collection, accessory of some sort. The tiny brown baby shoes! “Wooopppss, someone’s planning for the future.” Laughed Taehyung. “Oh my, you’re pregnant Y/N????” asked Jimin. “NO! no no no no no! Oh my god no!” you said blushing. “You can tell us. Are we going to be fathers?” insisted Hoseok. “No….I don’t know. No!” you said laughing. It is impossible, you haven’t had sex yet. But of course, you can’t say that to them, a little privacy is precious especially living with them. You immediately sent him a message:

You: Kim Namjoon, are you out of your fucking mind? The boys are grilling me now asking if THEY ARE GOING TO BE FATHERS?! WTH does that even mean?

You saw him on Vlive reading something and he laughed. You are not sure if he’s reading vlive comments or he’s reading your message. Either way, you have forgiven him for such silliness, especially seeing him how he brightens up when he showed the baby shoes. One day, someday, Joonie you promised yourself. When the VLive ended, you stared at him trying to look mad. He laughed and scooped you from your sit, twirling you around before sitting and putting you on his lap. You saw Taehyung grinning as if thinking of mischievous things. “So, baby shoes huh?” he started. “Taehyung, stop. I am not pregnant” you laughed. “Well, not for now.” He replied making you shake your head. “When that time comes, we will let you know, Tae” Namjoon reassured, “But for now, Y/N are going to bed. Might as well you guys too. Long day ahead tomorrow. Meeting with Bang PDnim and the tour team.” He added. The guys all had mischievous smiles as they say their goodnights to you.

“Urgh today’s tiring, and I missed you!” he whined. “I was just out to get my stuff, you missed me already? What will happen to you when you’re in tour?” you asked. “Come with me?” His question came as a surprise. “Baby you know I can’t do that. People will start to wonder.”

“But what if Bighit hires you?” he insisted. “As what? Translator? You already know English. You’ve been doing it since then.” You laughed at the idea of being their translator. “No, no, baby. You’re needed. I’ll talk to Bang and-“you didn’t let him finish. You put one finger on his mouth to make him drop the topic. “Baby, I’m okay with my work now. And if you ask Bang PDnim, he might refuse. Code of conduct, all the policies..you know.” You sighed. “But you’re my girlfriend before they hire you, so technically we didn’t breach employee policies?” His being a smart-ass on this one, he has a point though. “I would love to stay by your side all the time, but it will look like a huge favour and special treatment especially I am your girlfriend” you insisted. “Just please try?” he kissed your forehead. He’s not going to drop this of until you sighed and nodded. He smiled sweetly and kissed you. It was a sweet, passionate kiss at first but the moment you hold unto his neck, you can feel the heat throughout your body. It’s been too long, way too long, that you’ve been wanting to feel him. You cannot hold on any longer so you deepened the kiss. You heard him let out a moan, a cue that he wants what you want as well. Tongues teasing, lip-biting. His hands roamed around your body, tightened his grip on your waist and gently laid you on the bed. “Lock the door!” you reminded him. He jumped as quickly, almost tripping which made you giggle at his clumsiness, and in less than 5 seconds he’s back on top of you. “Oh finally! All mine!” he whispered, almost ripping his shirt as he struggled to get off. You can feel your core getting hot, with every kiss and touch. He bites your lips teasingly, making you moan. You deepened the kiss getting as aggressive as he is. He found your sweet spot on your neck, sucking and biting, leaving marks as he goes down to the curves of your breast. He removes your dress in one swift motion, leaving you in your lace bra and panties. His gaze turning dark as he roams his eyes through your breast down to your core. “So fucking gorgeous! And all mine!” he whispered as he licks your cleavage making you tighten your grip on his hair. “and fucking taste good, too" he added. You prepared for this night, wearing a front-lock red brassiere that screams fuck me daddy. “Strip for me", he commanded. “Hmm, all bossy are we?” you teased. “Do it or you’re not gonna have any of this" he grinned while removing his boxers. His dick hard, reddish, and ready. You bit your lips and stood up. “Don’t make a move, don’t dare touch yourself “ you commanded. Two can play this game, you thought. He grinned and positioned himself on the bed frame. You slowly pull one strap, so slow he groaned. You are basically eye-fucking him, if there’s even a thing. To his surprise, you started slow dancing as you unlock your bra. Throwing it in front of him. You can hear him groaning and trying hard not to touch himself with your own little show. “Fuck, baby. I can’t wait to slide my cock on that” he growled. “hmmm I’d love that. Can’t wait to feel the friction here…” you touched your nipples and slowly caress your breast. You glide your hands on your stomach, “and here, too. Your hot mouth sucking, biting…” You slowly, soooo slowly, shake your hips to get out of your lace underwear, “your tongue, fingers, and your hard cock here" you were about to touch your self but he grabbed you, spinning you around, dropping you on the mattress. You moaned by his aggressiveness and eagerness. “Oh Baby, can’t wait to fuck you hard, you’ll be sore for days!” he whispered as he playfully bite your nipple. “oh shit, Joon!” you moaned. You can feel your core dripping. You needed some friction. You started grinding getting ready to take whatever Namjoon’s going to offer. “Look at you so needy" he suck your breast so hard you know it’ll leave marks and bruises the next day. You tried pulling him, scratching his porcelain skin. “Baby, pleasssee" you beg. “Say it. What do you want, Princess?” he grinned. “touch me! Fuck Namjoon. Or…or thighs! Friction. Now!” you

almost scream. He chuckled and pulled you, making you sit on one of his thigh. “You asked for thigh. Thigh is all you get" You take it, whatever that could satisfy your longing. You grind, not minding the mess and juice scattered on his precious well-tone thigh. “fuck, I can feel your wetness! You’re wild!” he chuckled. “shut up, suck me" you guided his head on your neck. You want him to leave marks all over your body, a mark that signs you’re his and he’s yours. And he did. You moaned by the intensity of each bite, but it’s not enough. “fuck me, baby. Hard" You’re almost begging. “thought you’d never ask" he replied.

He guides you and you slowly sink into his long, thick, hot rod. Your wetness helping you both settle, adjusting to each other. “shit your tight. And wet..god Y/N” he moaned. With each grunt and moan and sucking he does, it gives you more courage to be rough at him, too. You started circling your hips, and he let’s you do as you please. He tightens his grips into your waist and pumps you until you both find your rhythm. “baby, I'm cumming" you bite his shoulder to muffle your own moan. “Go ahead, baby. Cum for me. You’re a hot mess and fuck I love you so much!” he continued going deeper and deeper until you reach your high. “Turn around, hold here" he guides your hands to the bed frame and lifts your butt, slapping it before sinking in real deep. “fuck Namjoon!” you yelped with the sudden sting, but it feels you nice you have to ask again. He circled his hips, hard and deep, one hand on your waist and the other in your boob. Too much sensation, overwhelming and with every thrust you can hear the bed frame creaking. You had to try not to scream with each thrust, so you suck on Namjoon's finger instead, biting it at the process but he didn’t care. He’s too focus riding you and making sure you hear his praises about you and moaning your name. “baby, where do you---" you didn’t let him finish his question, you tightened your walls around him making him moan louder “inside!” you replied. You reach your high at the same time, moaning each other’s name. He gently pressed and massage your navel as you come to stop, making you feel good as you both calm down. “Wow baby!” he chuckled as you both collapse to the bed. He flips you over and kissed your forehead, then your lips. As sweetly, passionately, and heavenly. “I love you, Y/N” he whispered on your lips. “I love you, my Namjoon" you replied, making him blush.

“I missed fucking you that hard,” he chuckled, as you both catch your breaths. “We have all the time, baby!” you responded, enveloped in his arms. “But… how are we going to explain the ripped sheets?” you added. “We might need to stock up linens here from now on,” he replied.

After cleaning up, he went out to look for fresh linens. Luckily, the guys are all asleep now, more like you prayed they’re really asleep now, realizing how hard and loud he made you cum. “Baby, please consider joining us in our tour? Even just this leg? I can’t bear a day without you..not again?” he whispered when you’re both settling to sleep. “I promise. I’ll take a vacation leave and if it’s approved, I’ll come. Don’t get your hopes up just yet. I’m not going to drop my work; I’ll just try being your translator for this leg.” He made a cute face, the one that his dimples are showing, eyes closed, and then getting shy right after. Your heart melts every time he does that and wonder how lucky you are to have him in your life. Yes, you are never going to let go. Not anymore. He deserves the world, he deserves someone who he can share the real Namjoon with, someone who will be his shoulder through ups and downs. Someone who can accept all the flaws and cons of dating someone like him. You are ready to fight for him, against all odds. You are ready to give your life to Kim Namjoon.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

Author's note: Planned to end it here but I guess I'll be making Part Three soon 😂🤷‍♀️

[sleephyjhs]

You’re Their Assigned Wife (REACTION)

all members are included under the ‘keep reading’ link

notes: this is based off the k-reality ‘we got married’ where a male and female idol spent time as a ‘married’ couple, i’m sure y’all know it

rules | m.list | requested by @agapeew

KSJ

One of your mid-week tasks to complete with Seokjin was to make some traditional kimchi, and before you had started, you were already excited. Actually, you found it quite coincidental that this would be assigned to you. When the cameras were off, Seokjin had led a bored atmosphere into an in-depth conversation about food. You learnt quickly that it was just one of his better traits; always feeling the need to lighten the mood.

To spread the added seasonings evenly, you’d poured the masses of chopped vegetables into a larger bowl of the floor. He slid his hands into plastic gloves and used all the strength of his arms to begin to churn the contents. As Seokjin began to act as a human whisk, you added additional ingredients to enhance the seasoning you’d already added. Picking up two chopsticks, you selected a small radish slice and fed it to him, “How is it?”

His playful moaning and emphasised nodding earned a chuckle from you. However as you were laughing at his honest reaction, you noticed his face begin to fall and almost twist in agitation. You watched as his arms begin to slow in their process, and so reached for the box of gloves to help him out, “You don’t need to worry, I’m okay!”

You frowned and swatted the air to make him remove his hands, “It’s fine, let me have a go.” He retracted his hand from the bowl and you plunged yours in their place. As you continued to stir, you looked up habitually to see Seokjin smiling, seemingly adoring you, “What?”

Seokjin’s smile softened as you picked up on his diverted attention, “You’re just... sweet,” you puffed a strand of hair away from your eyes, and watched it continue to fall back down as you pondered on his words. The rustling of his glove led to an uncovered hand reaching out for your face. As you paused in your churning, Seokjin pushed the loose hair behind your ear and admired your blushing cheeks, “There you go. Shall I have a turn now?”

MYG

As mildly introverted people, it had taken a little more than a few hours to fully open yourself to Yoongi’s company, more particularly to make any conversation you shared less awkward. After reverting back to childhood memories and a mutual love of the same films, Yoongi was quickly warming up to your presence.

It was strange to have to fake romance with another idol, especially with so many cameras. Kindling chemistry made your task much easier. Several days into your ‘marriage’, it was clearly time to shop for food items and other essentials, and as hesitant as he seemed, you were determined to make shopping as enjoyable for Yoongi as you could.

Without asking, he offered to push the trolley around the store and followed you diligently as you conferred on what to buy. At the very end of your journey, you spotted a large pack of bottled water that would easily have been enough for the rest of your time together. You shuffled and leaned down to the bottom shelf where the pack sat and slivered your fingers underneath to lift it, “Do you want some help with that?”

“Nope,” you grunted, struggling to lift it any further than a centimetre from the shelf. It was heavier than you’d anticipated, “actually, yeah.”

You grunted as Yoongi came to your rescue. He pulled up on the plastic packaging and aided you in placing it in the trolley, “Move your fingers,” he said. You looked at him strangely, and he smiled at your knitted brows, “they’ll get crushed! Move them!”

He jokingly scolded you, prompting you to tease a pout, “Don’t look at me like that!” He smiled, dodging your eye contact, “I’m only looking out for you.”

JHS

To wind down one evening, you made a joint effort to create a mini campfire in the yard. A small firepit, wood blocks and marshmallows was just enough to make a winter evening in the countryside more enjoyable.

On the backyard sofa, you reclined next to Hoseok. A blanket draped over your legs, but that along with the fire wasn’t enough to warm you up, “Are you cold? Here, take my jacket.” Hoseok offered, unzipping his branded winter coat.

You leaned away from him, rejecting his offer, “No way. It’s below freezing, keep it on. Could we share? Instead?” You nodded towards the blankets that kicked over both of your laps, and began to divide them more equally over you.

“Come a bit closer,” Hobi insisted, lifting his corner of the fabric to invite you under. You smirked at his natural generosity, and it wasn’t until he met your eyes that he noticed, “or morph into an iceberg if you’d like. Really, let me keep you warm.”

To add performance for the hidden cameras in the garden, you rested your head slowly on his shoulder. Hoseok, without much pause, slung his arm around you and shuffled his hand against your thick cardigan, “Comfy enough?”

You nodded in satisfaction, “Perfect!”

KNJ

For a segment in an episode, you and Namjoon had chosen face masks as an activity to complete. As a self-proclaimed skin care fanatic, you were more than excited to pamper the man who had quickly become a close friend of yours.

To emphasise the couple chemistry, Namjoon sat opposite you, crouched onto a small wooden stool identical to yours. His chestnut hair was pushed back, tucked away under a bright yellow headband, exposing his tanned forehead to your silicon brush, “Let me know if it tickles too much.”

Your prewarning was met with a dimpled smile as you started to spread the cleansing mixture across his risen cheeks. Rose pink clay pleasingly matched his dark eyes that could only focus on you. As you carefully distributed the face pack over his skin, you couldn’t help but grin at his widened eyes that followed yours so diligently, “You know, the more you look at me like that, the more I’ll have to believe you have a thing for me.”

Namjoon giggled softly, looking away from you for the first time since you’d begun, “What if I did?”

You looked down at your lap, flattered at his response. If you’d learnt anything about Namjoon in the past few days, it was that his tone of voice changed when his sincerity was meant to be heard, “Well then, that’s something for us to discuss when there isn’t a camera across the room.”

PJM

It had been a while since you’d spent so long away from your dorm and your members; you couldn’t help but feel slightly homesick. The kind of homesick that kept you up at night was the worst. To stop you from stirring around in the sheets and waking Jimin, you hung your legs over the side of the bed and stared into the blackness.

“Everything alright over there?” A sudden, raspy groan startled you. Jimin had followed you in sitting up in his place, rubbing his eyes that were still adjusting to the darkness.

“Hmm? Yeah, just a little homesick. I didn’t mean to wake you up.” You whispered, wrapping the duvet over your legs. The night camera should’ve stopped filming a few hours ago, but Jimin and you still weren’t close enough to be completely open around one another.

Jimin’s fluffly morning cheeks fell at your confession, “Can I help at all? I really hate to see you down.” He spoke softly, and yet you knew he meant what he said. For someone you’d known for less than a week, his compassion was surprising but sweet.

You stuttered, looking for any way to tell the time. Midnight was far behind you, and the summer sun was yet to rise, “Don’t worry about the time. Whatever I can do to make things better for you, I will.”

KTH

Filming such a programme in autumn had its benefits in what activities it made available. In addition to it being your favourite season, you’d learnt that Taehyung grew up in a similar setting to you. Daegu suburbs hid many roads that led to farms and orchards, where both you and Taehyung had spent many hours picking harvestables and chasing younger siblings.

As the director had learned of this shared memory, she organised an opportunity for you to recreate your childhood together. An apple and pear orchard waited on the outskirts of Seoul for you, “If they’re big enough, I can make you an apple pie?” Your promise to Taehyung had spawned a determination to make the most of a chance you hadn’t had in years.

After your basket was near enough full with apples, you’d spent your remaining minutes searching for larger ones to pluck. The perfect green apple hung just a bit too high for your grasp, and watching your struggle, Taehyung approached you from behind, “Need a lift?”

As you nodded, Taehyung squatted to wrap his arms around your legs and raise you up to the branch where you were able to take the apple that had caught your eye. Placing you back on your feet was less successful as you stumbled upon meeting the ground. A small shriek led to his hand catching your back , securing your balance. A heavy sigh of relief hooked a smile, “You didn’t think I’d let you fall, did you? I’d never let you get hurt when you’re with me.”

JJK

When your time together with Jungkook was coming to an end, you chose to spend a night at a karaoke bar. As you both owned the title of main vocalist in your groups, friendly competition couldn’t be missed.

To make it fair, you agreed on the same ballad to see who could score higher, and your winning score of 96 was enough to induce all of the excuses from Jungkook, “I let you win to ease you into the competition! Good luck in the next round.”

Many different verses and choruses later, and the tie between you was clear. To finish the hour you’d paid for, Jungkook suggested a ballad duet. You took the red lyrics and he took the green. The enchanting mixture of melodies coated the room with a romantic aura; you couldn’t help but switch between the lyrics and Jungkook’s eyes.

“That was really... something.” A shy grin closed the music as you returned your microphone to it’s slot. From award shows and concerts you’d attended before, you knew well that his vocals were stunning. But if you knew that yours could match so well with his, you would have suggested a karaoke much, much sooner.

“It really was. Maybe we could slip into a studio sometime? I heard you write songs.” How he’d heard that was unknown to you, but you were more than glad that he did.

^ hey! i remember you sending this before tumblr deleted all my asks, thank you for resending! i love this sm omg

[saladejin]

Call An Uber? | 10

BTS x Reader | idolverse au, uber driver!Reader, translator!Reader | Fluff, flirting, super slow burn, angst and hurt/comfort, mature themes and eventual smut

Summary: Your normal life with a normal, yet inconsistent job gets drastically changed when your dreams come true. Sounds boring right?

What happens when all of this occurs, but you’re still doing something you love AND getting a large sum for it? Now there’s something to think about, and it’s definitely not what you’re thinking.

Warnings: None

Word Count: 2.5k

< masterpost >

»»————- <<prev | next >> ————-««

  Red, Red, Brownish? Brown, I guess.

Well, things had definitely taken a turn.

Brown, even darker brown.

Was my brain even working? It had been days, but I still didn’t even know the answer to that question. Ever since I had returned to my apartment that night, things had been hard to grasp. The cogs were in tiny pieces, littering the floor inside my head.

Brown, brown.

My finger stopped and tapped the can in front of my eyes, almost as if trying to calibrate my scattered thoughts and feelings at the same time.

Black. 

Okay, so now my life had truly reached a peak of existence. People very rarely lived their dreams, but here I was. A very much living and breathing instance of such luck.

I’d expressed my shaken gratitude to Bang PD right before he had to go. He had many important things to see to back at his company, and I had no intentions of keeping him waiting in the carpark just because I couldn’t flounder any more with my words. I really hoped he would forgive me for my moments of delay...in the mind, at least.

“You’re a blessing.”

Am I a blessing? I think I’m just the blessed one here.

The plastic bag was gently taken from my fingers and I looked up to see the slightly concerned gaze of the stylist raking over me. “Are you okay, (Y/n)-ah?”

I smiled and shook my head in pure disbelief. “I’m sure I’m fine. Sorry if I seem a bit dazed, it’s not something to be worried about.”

The stylist tilted her head fondly, and I rolled my eyes when she jerked her hand forward to pinch my right cheek. “You’re so cute, please say you’ll stay with us for a bit longer?”

I frowned and looked down pointedly at my wristwatch, seeing that my small break was almost due to finish up. The hopeful tinge alighting the taller woman’s eyes flickered out as I sighed and shook my head.

“Sorry, I have work to do. And this room is slowly killing me, I swear,” I whined to try and lighten the mood. I didn’t want the workers to feel sad just because I had to leave and do my actual job. The fact that most of my break had been spent driving down to the shop was sad enough on its own.

“You know we’re trying to get better ventilation,” another woman piped up from where she was organising makeup supplies, and I smiled when every person in the room let out an amused groan simultaneously.

“Our lungs are a small price to pay,” a male stylist snorted with disdain.

I left the room to joke amongst themselves, having already spending way too much of my time in there as it was. The basement was becoming like a second workplace, but it was only because I finished my jobs as an interpreter quite swiftly as the day went on. Practical things like interviews were happening rarely at this point in time, but I knew once the boys had their comeback, things would change greatly.

I passed the brightened practice room as usual and smiled to see some of the boys already delving right into their daily routines. This time, every single one of them could be seen warming up to the sound of the choreographer’s snappy instructions. I felt proud and awed at the sight of their determination to practice so hard, getting every minuscule move down to the point of perfection.

“Hello.”

I grunted with surprise as my attention was torn away from the narrow door window. I hadn’t even realised I’d stopped to observe through the glass, but now a deep and somnolent voice had broken me from the trance.

“Yoongi, damn you’re quiet.” I laughed airily, resisting the urge to clasp at my chest to calm the rapidly beating heart contained within. I glanced at the man in front of me, noting his attire to be fairly casual but sporty at the same time. His faded hair was partially hidden under a black cap. I remembered him mentioning it was due for a cut sometime soon.

“Sorry, but you’re just too easy to scare. You remind me of Hoseok-ah.” He smiled a tiny smile and leaned forwards to glance into the practice room. I watched as his facial expression grimaced slightly.

“You don’t want to head in yet?” I took a few steps, so I was out of the door window's view, and leaned against the adjacent wall. I didn’t want to accuse him of anything sly or sluggish, but it was quite clear that he was reluctant.

“It’s not that,” he began, and I was surprised when he moved to stand in front of me slowly. It seemed he also didn’t want to be accidentally seen by the other members practising inside the room. “I’m just being lazy, and I already practised so much yesterday that I’m worn out already by looking at them.”

I knew that wasn’t entirely true, as the rapper had a lot of stamina when it came to spending long hours at a time performing. Just as they all did, in fact.

“Poor you, why don’t you take a few minutes to chat with me then?” I suggested jokingly, and saw him raise an eyebrow before grinning with amusement. That gummy smile could literally brighten any of my gloomy days.

“If you insist.” He nodded thoughtfully, and I held back a betrayed gasp at how quickly he’d turned the situation around to be in his favour. All that escaped was an abrupt noise of protest, and he laughed again at my widened eyes.

“I seriously did want to talk with you though.”

He looked down, but his voice remained of the same calm levelled tone. He messed around with the drink bottle in his hands while I nodded and rested my back against the wall more comfortably.

“It’s about the other night. I actual...I actually wanted to thank you.”

My mind slowed to process his words. He had lifted his gaze to meet mine intently, and I was so surprised to see how much their inky depths had softened from their initial sharpness. I couldn’t help but suddenly notice how much livelier he looked, compared to when I had taken him on a car ride that one time.

“The concert night? I think I have more to thank all of you for.” I smiled at the thought, memories of the experience flooding right back through me.

“While that is true, I wanted to thank you for what you did for Jimin,” he continued on a serious note, his hands fiddling even more with the plastic bottle. I knew it was hard for him to open up to others so quickly into a conversation, let alone admit the vulnerabilities he and his bandmates shared. I only wished I could communicate how grateful I was for the sentiment.

“When he gets like that, I must admit that it confuses me a lot. We all know he works the hardest to be the best he can, and even then he has this belief that it’s never enough. I don’t think I can ever understand where he gets the negativity from, but in his mind he views the smallest mistake as something bigger.”

I nodded in agreement, but felt sickeningly bad at the same time. I didn’t want to talk too deeply about Jimin and his insecurities when he wasn’t there to hear my thoughts. I wasn’t sure why, but it just felt rude for me to launch into something I had so much to say on.

“I just wanted to thank you for the comfort. I mean, we all have our doubts especially when it comes to performing, but I’m glad you were there for him when we couldn’t see it,” Yoongi finished bluntly, and I knew he had a similar feeling of guilt when it came to talking about the younger member. It truly moved me to hear his outward display of care and appreciation.

“I’m… so happy you’re saying this, I’d love nothing more than to be honest with all of you and let you guys know just how talented and inspirational you are. The doubts will probably never go away, but I believe they can be changed with hard work and confirmation. That – That's why I’ll try and provide that in any way that I can.”

Yoongi’s eyes widened the smallest fraction before they returned to normal, and I didn’t miss the sharp exhalation that fell from his lips as he cast his gaze downwards.

“Wow, you…”

He stopped and I watched as his face broke out into a shy smile before he sniffed and continued to smile while looking straight at me instead. I hoped I hadn’t overwhelmed him too much.

“That’s all we can ask for, thank you. I literally don’t know what else to say.”

“It’s fine, I don’t expect anything more in return,” I chuckled to break any deep and emotional tension resting on our shoulders.

“Just keep making music. We love it as much as you do, I hope you know that.”

Yoongi nodded, a proud smirk working its way gently onto his face.

“Well that goes without saying, I don’t think I could ever stop.”

I glanced my head to the side, watching to see if anyone was approaching before pouting.

“If you did, I think I would have to file a complaint. You’d have more than a few hundred girls suing you then.”

He raised both brows and huffed quietly. “Would I now? My money is disappearing before my eyes.”

My giggle was cut short as the door to the room opened and the bright light filtered out into the hallway where we were talking. A curious Namjoon appeared and held the door open as he trailed his eyes from me to Yoongi, then back to me.

“Hey (Y/n).” He dipped his head formally, then turned a questioning glance to his older bandmate.

“How long have you been out here, hyung?”

Yoongi looked around aloofly and shrugged, turning on his heel to start making his way through the door. Namjoon looked taken aback, and as a result I covered my mouth with one hand to stifle a snort of amusement.

“Sorry, it was my fault for making him chat,” I explained while calming down, waving my hand in an apologetic manner. Yoongi paused with pursed lips.

“Well, I talked, so it was both our fault.”

Namjoon also shrugged and looked behind his shoulder quickly.

“Well, you know how he gets when you’re too late,” the leader warned with a hushed tone so nobody inside would hear him. Yoongi nodded in a brooding thought before turning back to where I was still standing pressed against the wall.

“See you (Y/n).”

I waved my goodbye and returned Namjoon’s small nod of acknowledgement before the door was slowly brought to a close once more. The air of the hallway felt colder now that I was left alone in it, and I shivered before rushing over to the elevator doors to make my escape.

~

The day was now drawing closer to nightfall. I blinked my eyes tiredly at the computer screen in front of me, barely having had any rest for the past couple of nights just because I was positively brimming with excitement over the thought of touring. I really wanted to bring it up with the boys to hear their thoughts, but the earlier conversation with Yoongi hadn't been the right time or place really. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut forever, so it was either they found out some other way or watched as I inched my way into their day to day schedules; ready to let the cat out of the bag.

I finished up a few translating tasks that were sent via email and breathed a deep sigh at the sight of sent work. It was somewhat a struggle to remember the last time I’d experienced such an intense sense of release. At least now I could go home and treat myself to some wine and snacks whenever I pleased.

“(Y/n), I just got a message from downstairs,” one of the other office workers said with a slightly confused expression painting his features. “Said they had a surprise?”

I hummed suspiciously before standing up straight and letting the wheeling chair roll away behind me. My hair, which had fallen out from being tied up all day, now flowed over my shoulders in an uncontrollable manner. I let my eyes gain a dramatic glint.

“If I don’t come back, call the police.”

The man laughed before shaking his head, and I smiled before packing up my desk and preparing to head to the elevator yet again. How many trips had I done just today?

I seriously need to pick a place to work and stay there.

The ride down seemed to take milliseconds, as I was so full of anticipation that time lost all presence. What were the stylists meaning by surprise? This could literally be anything, so I was a little scared to be completely honest.

I nervously shifted from foot to foot once halted outside the large door, raising one tentative hand to rap lightly on its surface.

To say I was unprepared would be an understatement and a half.

The door drifted ajar with an audible creak and I jumped when Seokjin’s face appeared from around the edge. He looked worn out from the day of practising, but the tall singer instantly broke into a grin when he saw me loitering outside the entryway.

“Hey (Y/n)!”

Then his face fell as he threw a quick glance into the room behind him.

“Um, what brings you here?”

Things were weird, I could tell by the way he was purposefully holding the door to block off my curiously wandering eyes.

“Oh, (Y/n)-ah! Come in, come in!” The excitable voice of my stylist unni broke through the heavily guarded atmosphere, and I watched as Seokjin furrowed his brows in semi-protest. It seemed like he truly didn’t want me to see what was happening behind the door, but it was obvious he was going to lose the battle one way or another.

“Hyung let her in!” 

Taehyung’s voice now perked up from somewhere within the room, and I couldn’t let the flames of my curiosity dwindle anymore. I giggled with triumph as Seokjin’s shoulders sagged in defeat. He swung the door open to let me pass following another two beats of hesitation. I wondered why he was so defensive, but soon learned when my eyes drank in the scene.

The boys were seated in front of the mirrors lining the makeup room, but some were walking around while either looking at their phones or chatting to stylists. Each one looked up when I entered the strongly scented space.

I tried to avoid crinkling my noise at the sharp aroma of dye, but the notion fell to the back of my mind when I fully registered the sight before me.

Because now, every single one had their hair coloured black. 

            Copyright © 2020 by salade. All rights reserved.  

tagged: @joyful-jimin, @l4life, @gee-nee​, @m0chilattae​, @rossemayme​, @doilooklikeinoe​, @jeon-joker​, @topthis808​, @justyouraveragerando​,@xcastielbabyangelface​

[pars-ley]

Until Tomorrow | Part two

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Summary: You’re a happily single magazine editor in London, that is, until you’re set up with a handsome musician, who’s not exactly forthcoming about being in the biggest boy group in the world. But with your days together numbered, will this blossom into something more or crash land, leaving your heart broken.

Genre: Idol!au / Fluff / Romance / Comedy / Slight hint of smut 

Rating: 15+ (sfw)

Warnings: Mentions of sex and sexual activity / Kissing

Word Count: 6413

Part one | Part two Notes: Beta reader @ditttiii​ Thank you so much for your help, you are such a queen! 

I knock lightly against the boss’ door and wait. 

Janelle Rogers is the editor-in-chief for our magazine, she’s brilliant but also a bit eccentric. She always has some kind of wacky blazer on and yet, somehow always manages to look professional. She’s also the messiest person I know, resulting in her desk always being untidy, but she claims it to be organised chaos instead.

Who am I to argue with that kind of logic? 

She’s tough and a lot of her employees are terrified of her, but if you work hard and do a good job she usually notices and shows her appreciation in some way, which makes her quite pleasant to work for. 

I get on with her well on a personal level too. We’ve been out to dinner a few times and it’s always fun. It also always turns into a late night drinking session. Going out with her, usually means I am in for a two day hangover, which is why it doesn’t happen all that often.

“Come in!” She calls.

Swinging open the door, I step in. 

Janelle is pacing back and forth, phone tucked under her ear, as she searches through the papers in her hand. Hearing me enter, she looks up and removes the phone from her ear, before she says, “Y/n, I heard you wanted to speak to me, please come in. I won’t be long.” 

She indicates to the empty seats across from her desk. 

I sit down and cross one leg over the other, trying not to listen to the heated discussion she’s having. 

“I appreciate that I do, but I need that piece before the end of the week.” She says, her tone clipped. I see her jaw tense as she grits her teeth to whatever response she gets. “And I understand that, nonetheless, you’ve had plenty of time to figure it out. Your story needs to be in by the end of the week, otherwise I’ll use someone else’s. End of discussion.”

She hangs up the phone, almost slamming it back down onto the base unit and sighs. 

Sitting down, elbows on her desk, she gives me her full attention. “Some people will use any excuse to avoid a deadline.” She shakes her head and then meets my eyes. “Please tell me you’re here to give me some good news.”

I grimace slightly. “Well the magazine is on track...mostly. The music segment however…” I pause. “It’s unfinished.”

Her face drops. “What?” She mutters, her voice low, brimming with anger. “What do you mean, it’s not finished?”

“Only half of it is complete.” 

She slams her hand on her desk. “God Dammit, Toby.” She runs her hands over her hair, smoothing her tight, black curls. 

Toby was one of our writers, mostly for the music assignments. He did interviews with the artists, went to gigs, reviewed albums but recently had gone on a holiday for some kind of meditation retreat. ‘No phones permitted and no contact from the outside world’ kind of place, not my type of holiday but who am I to judge?

“Can’t we just use one of our other music pieces?” I ask, knowing the answer before she gets the chance to respond.

“No, we need that segment. Our sales were up last month because we featured that story about the k-pop group selling out Wembley, now we need to report what the shows were like.” She sits back in her chair. “BTS are very current, it’s what we need. They’re our ticket to the younger generation buying our magazine.”

“Well, that’s why it’s not finished, the concerts are this weekend and Toby’s obviously not going to be here for them. He didn’t seem to have tickets for them either.”

She lets out a long, drawn out breath. “Ok, well we need to get our hands on a ticket.”

I put my hands up to stop her. “I’ve already got people on it but I need another writer to rewrite the segment.”

She nods. “Toby won’t like it but that’s not my problem. I’ll get George on it.” She picks up the phone and within seconds it’s all arranged and passed over. 

I stand and make my way to the door.

“Y/n?” She calls as I open the door to make my exit. I turn back to her. “Good work, keep me posted, we need this story.”

I give her a sharp nod, not sure how possible it will be to achieve this but of course I’ll try my hardest to make it happen.

I head back to my desk, sending more emails and making more calls, when my personal phone vibrates against the wood. I glance down at the screen and my stomach flips when I see who the message is from.

Taehyung [14.09]: So, how’s your day going?

A wide grin spreads across my face. He’s thinking about me. My chest swells at that thought alone and I type a quick reply and press send.

Y/n [14.10]: So far? It’s a day from hell. What about yours?

His reply is  immediate.

Taehyung [14.11]: 😥 I don't like to hear that. My day is fine. Will be better later, hopefully I can cheer you up...If you’re still free?

I smile at my phone. I couldn’t wait to get out of here and meet him. It’s the only thing keeping me going through all of this work, knowing that he would be there at the end of it. And clearly he was looking forward to seeing me too; my ego was quite inflated. 

Y/n [14.11]: Of course, can’t wait. What time?

I put my phone down and carry on clicking through my emails, relieved to discover that I’ve sent and replied to all I needed to, for now at least. I decide to take a much needed break. I put my earphones in and shuffle my Spotify playlist of metal and rock songs that I had put together and turn the volume up to as loud as it can go. 

The ear buds thrum inside my ears as they blare out classic 80’s rock sounds with ‘Pour some sugar on me’ and I lose myself in Def Leppard. Turning in my seat, I look out of my office window. 

The landscape of London is truly something to marvel at, and I would never tire of this view. The way the entire city reflected in the windows of the high-rise buildings, the way the sun bounced off the river and the classic style of our oldest landmarks. London is a remarkable place. 

I sigh and put my feet up on the low window ledge, crossing my ankles. My phone vibrates in my lap and I smile as I see his name on my screen, reading the message.

Taehyung [14.21]: I’ll be working for a while, is 7 too late for you?

I sigh, I had another early start tomorrow but I can’t pass up the chance to go on a date with the only guy I've been interested in for two years. Who knows how long he’ll be over here for? I can deal with being tired for a few days.

Y/n [14.22]: I can make an exception for you. Let me send you the address.

I sent him the link with all the info of Yoshi’s restaurant. If he was anything like me, he’d be looking over the menu and planning his meal.

Taehyung [14.25]: Then I am flattered. See you there :)

I grin at my phone like an idiot. God, how old was I? I’m sitting here embarrassing myself, acting like a seventeen year old love sick teenager over a guy I barely know. 

I kept picturing his face, his smile, the way he raises an eyebrow so seductively, or the way he runs a hand through his dark brown hair. I’m not sure if my memory of him does him justice. 

I pause my playlist and quickly dial Yoshi’s number, waiting for him to pick up.

“Yo! What’s happening, jelly bean?” His usually cheerful voice rings out.

“I’m wondering something?” I ask hesitantly.

“Wondering...if I’m as good in the sack as people say? Why yes, I am.” He quips.

I roll my eyes. “No one says that and I would never be wondering that.” 

His laugh vibrates my ear. “Your loss. So what are you wondering then?”

“Well, do you have a table for two for tonight at seven?” I bite my lip, waiting for the response.

“If the table’s for you, for sure! Who you bringing with you this time? Taylor?” He asks, mentioning one of my oldest and closest friends who has been with me to his restaurant many times.

I hesitate. “...No. I’m bringing a...date, actually?” I hold my breath as I wait for his reaction.

“Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!” He exclaims, so loud I have to quickly turn the call volume down before he deafens me. “Hold up, you can’t just drop a bomb like that on me! Who is it? How did you meet? It’s the tourist guy you bumped into, isn’t it? I told you y/n, I told you he thought it was a date.” He bombards me, laughing out of excitement.

“Actually,” I cut in, “It’s not him.” I hear the groan of disappointment on the other end. “It’s his friend.” I laugh.

“Well damn girlfriend! I’m impressed. I can’t wait to hear more about this. Your table will be ready at seven, don’t worry, I got you.” 

I smile. “Thank you, I really appreciate it. And Yoyo?”

“Yea?” He waits, the grin in his voice audible.

“Please, nothing embarrassing.” I practically whine.

He gasps. “Would I ever?” He pauses. “On second thoughts, don’t answer that. Heart crossed and hope to die, I shall be on my best behaviour.”

My shoulders relax a little. “Thank you. See you later.”

I hang up and remove my earphones, releasing a long, slow breath. That didn’t go as badly as I had imagined it would, he let me off surprisingly easy. Maybe going there tonight won’t be as mortifying as I’m imagining.

My work phone rings and I push the thoughts of Taehyung and tonight’s date out of my head and get back to work.

The afternoon goes slow, my eyes constantly finding the clock to see how much time has passed; counting down the hours till I could leave and meet him. 

I wade through my workload; like trudging through mud. I haven’t had any luck with finding a ticket to the BTS concert at the weekend. Any hope I did have was fading fast, well aware of the fact that I was running out of time. I had 3 days until the concert took place, I couldn’t give up; my boss wouldn’t allow it. 

I work past my usual time, wanting to get as much as I can done today, so it might allow me some more freedom for the rest of the week.

At six o’clock I am strutting out the door, after touching up my make-up and fluffing my hair in the washroom. I had decided to take the underground to ride the few stops to the restaurant. Once out of the stuffy tube station, I send a message to Taehyung letting him know that I’m walking from the station and will be there shortly. The text I get back however, has me practically running to the doors of the restaurant.

Taehyung [18.47]: I’m inside :)

My heart drops. But surely Yoshi wouldn’t have any idea who my date was or what he looked like, so Taehyung should be safe.

I yank open the heavy, double doors frantically searching for him. When my eyes finally find him, I gulp. Him and Yoshi are both sitting at a table, deep in conversation. I quickly rush over, interrupting them.

“Taehyung, I see you’ve met my friend, Yoshi.” I smile nervously, as they both stand up to greet me.

Yoshi gets there first, pulling me into a tight hug and squeezing me hard. I pat him on the back. “Ok, I tap out.” I wheeze,and he releases me. “Try to not injure me before my date, will you?” 

He laughs. “Introductions have already been made, so you don’t need to worry. I was just filling  Taehyung in here, about some of our adventures.” He winks.

I scowl at him. “Ok, ok, enough embarrassing stories.” I take my bag from my shoulder and put it with my blazer onto the far side of the seat in the booth. 

Yoshi grins. “Ok, I’ll leave you to it. Taehyung, very nice to meet you. Someone will be over soon to take your order. Enjoy guys!” He says with another wink, before he quickly proceeds to leave us alone.

We both stand there smiling at each other before I lean in, kissing him on the cheek. I linger there for a moment but I stiffen when I feel his breath at my ear. 

“Nice to see you again.” He greets softly. His deep voice like silk, doing things to my body I didn’t expect. 

I pull away, blushing slightly. “Shall we?” I indicate to the seats in the booth. He nods and we slide in. 

One of the best things here was the decor, it gave us a lot more privacy than other places I’ve been to. The booths had partition doors which I could close completely or leave open slightly. The partitions behind our seats were completely covered with painted japanese murals and there were beautiful, pink blossoms hanging from the ceiling.

“Were you here very long?” I ask, trying to gauge how much time they would have had to speak to each other.

He shakes his head. “Long enough to hear how you met each other and the story about the time you spilt a drink in your lap at a theme park and he told everyone you walked passed, that you had wet yourself.”

I laugh and roll my eyes at the memory. “That’s Yoshi for you. Never passes up the chance to embarrass me.”

Taehyung smiles. “He also said some very nice things about you.”

“That is good to hear but he has to, he knows I’d bully him otherwise.” 

He laughs at that. “You two seem very close.”

I nod. “We are. He’s been my best friend for a long time.”

“It’s good to have someone like that.”

I nod again, agreeing. “Do you have a best friend?”

He smiles. “Yes, his name’s Jimin.”

“And would he embarrass you like Yoshi does to me?”

He shakes his head, then leans in closer. “Worse, much worse.”

I chuckle. “Well in that case, I hope I get to meet him one day.” I reply, a smirk playing across my lips. 

He fights his smile. “Perhaps you will soon.”

I raise an eyebrow at him quizzically. “Is he over here also?”

He nods slowly. “Yep and yes, he’s another musician.”

He answers my unasked question and I lean back in my seat, surprise evident on my face. “Really? I’m guessing you still don't want to tell me about your job?”

I notice a flicker of sadness flash in his eyes, before they look down and away from my questioning gaze. I feel immediate guilt in my gut. “Hey, it’s ok, you don’t have to tell me anything, you just seem quite secretive about it. I was saying it more as an observation.” I reassure.

He looks up, eyes wide, “I’m not secretive!” He exclaims, shocked. “I want to tell you but—”

“Hey,” I cut him off, “No need to explain. Don’t worry, you can tell me whenever you’re ready.” I give him a reassuring smile and a gentle pat on the hand he had placed above the table.

I see him stiffen for a moment and my response is to do the same, until he turns his hand over, so we're palm to palm and gives it a little squeeze. His shoulders relax and so do mine, even though my heart hammers wildly with excitement. I can feel my palm starting to sweat the longer his touch lingers on me, it feels like a lifetime before he finally lets go and pulls his hand away. 

I can breathe and think straight again.

While I was more than happy to wait for him to tell me about his work, I found myself growing increasingly curious about the subject. He’s so mysterious, I can’t understand why he won't talk about it. I would assume that being a musician would be a  cool profession to divulge about,  most would probably gush till their heart's content, given the opportunity. 

But, in a way I’m glad he’s not like that, I don’t think I would be able to  stand the egotistical bragging.

“Can I take your drink order?” A sweet voice asks, stepping in between the sliding doors. I look up and recognise the server as Emiko. She’s worked here for a while now, and is always pleasant

“Oh, hi y/n! So nice to see you.” She beams her usual toothy grin.

“Nice to see you! How have you been?” I ask.

“I’ve been good!.” She giggles. “I won’t disturb you too much, what can I get you two?”

I order a lemonade and Taehyung orders a coke. I did contemplate an alcoholic beverage, but I don’t want to be the only one drinking on a date, that’s how I'm sure to embarrass myself.

I pick up the menu and skim through it, even though I'm sure I know it by heart by now. 

Glancing up as he too studies the menu, my eyes rake over his broad shoulders, the light beige shirt he wears falls flatteringly over his broad chest, clinging to all the right places. His black cap conceals his hair, but I can tell it’s all swept back off of his forehead. I watch the way he juts his jaw to the side as he mulls over what to order. His tongue dances across the inside of his lips, my eyes trained on it, mind drifting off again to wondering how soft his lips would feel. How that tongue would feel moving against mine...or other places. He looks up at me and instantly a flush of red travels up his neck. 

“What?” He asks quietly, giving me a bashful smile.

“Nothing,” I look back down at my menu, feeling flustered myself. “What are you going to order?” 

“Hm, maybe the Yakitori chicken skewers, any recommendations? Yoshi told me you’ve tried everything on the menu.”

I laugh. “That is true; I'm a big fan of his cooking. And yes, you should get that, it’s—,” I give a kiss to the tips of my fingers, chef style. 

He laughs and leans back in his seat. “So tell me, why was your day so awful?” He frowns, genuine concern on his brow.

I roll my eyes and groan. “Work is a joke at the moment, I’m covering for someone so I have twice the usual work load and that’s not even the worst of it.”

Emiko returns with our drinks, interrupting me. I pause as we order our meals and some sushi to share, then she leaves in a rush.

He raises his eyebrows at me and leans his chin on the palm of his hand, listening intently and waiting for me to continue. 

“Ok, so, my boss is hellbent on this particular story. The writer of said story has gone off on an unreachable holiday and it's only half done. So, now I have to try and get a ticket for a show that is apparently so high in demand, it seems impossible, so we can finish said story.”

He frowns. “I’m confused. What’s the story?”

I sigh as I fiddle with my napkin. “About some boy group and their shows at wembley.” I have a realisation then. “You’ve probably heard of them? BTS? They’re from South Korea too.” I’m not sure but for a brief moment I think I see him stiffen out the corner of my eye. His expression unreadable. 

“Yes, I’ve heard of them.” He says, nonchalantly. 

“You don’t like them?” I ask, wondering why his face suddenly looked so solemn. “Don’t tell me they’re your musical rivals?” I tease attempting to lighten his mood.

He smiles and some of the tension seems to leave his body. “No. They’re cool. So why do you need a ticket?”

“So the writer can review the show and tell the readers all about it. Our boss is trying to appeal to the younger readers and she’s convinced this is the way to do it, through this group.”

“What will happen if you can’t get the ticket?” He asks, eyes wide with worry.

I shrug. “My boss will be very, very pissed. I don’t plan on finding out though. I’ve got a few more days, it always works out in the end, one way or another.”

He watches me carefully. “I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you.”

I grin as our meals arrive, steaming hot and smelling incredible. We eat in silence for a while, enjoying the taste. I watch as the noises and faces Taehyung pulls assure me of the fact that he’s very impressed and my chest swells with pride for my friend. 

I do, however, let my mind wander into thinking about hearing those noises of appreciation in other aspects. Like me...on my knees...underneath this table. Snapping myself out of less than innocent thoughts, I focus on my meal. 

Why couldn’t I control myself? Why did everything about him appeal to me in such a powerful way? Is it because I haven’t had sex for over a year? Or is it simply that he is just the perfect specimen of a man? Maybe both.

“That was amazing. I’m blown away.” He sat back in his seat, wiping his mouth with a napkin. 

“I’m glad you liked it! Yoshi will be thrilled.” I beam and take a long drink of my cold lemonade, hoping it cools the heat inside me. I could feel tiny beads of sweat forming down my back and along the nape of my neck. 

We sit and talk until Emiko returns to clear our plates and Taehyung asks for the check. 

“I’m afraid, I cannot stay out late with you tonight.” He says solemnly.

I try to ignore the disappointment I feel; not ready for this date to be over. “Ah, that’s ok, I know you’re busy.”

He shakes his head and puts his hand on top of mine, leaning forward. I mirror him automatically. The warmth of his palm slowly flows through me and my eyes can’t help but float down to our touching skin. His hand feels soft and yet strong with his long, delicate fingers enveloping mine. I look back up to his intense eyes blazing into mine.

“It’s not that, It’s just—” He pauses looking away, my stomach drops as I’m left wondering as to what on earth he’s going to say. He doesn’t want to see me any more? He’s not attracted to me? He sees me more as a friend? What excuse is it going to be this time?

“...I turn into a pumpkin at midnight.” He says, his face so serious it takes me a few moments to register the words that have just left his mouth. Relief swamps me as I feel myself relax back into my seat and laughter vibrate through my body. He joins me, his boxy grin spread across his face but as he does, he lifts my hand, turning it over and laces his fingers through mine. 

My laughter fades, and I look down at our entwined fingers. Normally, an action like this so soon after meeting would have me running for the hills, but with him, it just felt...right.

“Is this ok?” He asks hesitantly, a crimson shadow forming on his cheeks.

I nod and swallow; my mouth suddenly dry. “Yes.” I reply simply, frozen in shock.

He relaxes a little and leans forward on his elbows, his thumb gently tracing small circles on the back of my hand.

“I should go back to my hotel…”

“But?” I query.

He side smiles, looking up at me seductively through long lashes and the sight is enough to make my belly clench. “I really don’t want to.”

My heart knocks violently against my ribcage at his admission. “I don’t want you to either.” I blurt out, surprising myself.

His eyes widen slightly before he side-smiles again and squeezes my hand. “I’m glad it’s not just me. I cannot tell what you think about me.”

I let out a small, slightly nervous laugh. “Is it not obvious?” I raise an eyebrow, surely he must be joking. I have never been so red, flustered and embarrassed with a guy in my whole laugh.

He shakes his head. “Not really, sometimes I think I know where your head is and yet at other times it’s hard to read you. I wish I knew what you were thinking.”

It's almost a question; giving me the option not to feel obliged to answer, but I don’t want to leave him hanging and wondering. Maybe laying my cards out on the table wouldn’t be such a bad thing, before I get in too deep.

I lean on my elbows that rest on the table and angle myself towards him slightly. “Ok, just so you know where my head is at…” I shift slightly under his now intense stare, as he hangs on my words. “I like spending time with you, and even though we’ve only just met...I feel I’ve known you for a long time, which is rare for me, to have such a sudden connection. I find you insanely attractive that it’s hard to think straight when I’m around you.” He beams at that and a deep crimson glow burns his face. 

“We seem to have a lot in common and I’m definitely enjoying our time together and getting to know you. You have an air of mystery about you and to be honest, it just makes me more intrigued to find out more about you. Since I met you at the museum, you have been on my mind more than I was expecting and this…” I lift up our joined hands. “would have frightened me to the point of running and hiding, if it was with anyone but you.” I say, quite fast, the words leaving me in a rush, as the urgency of having to say them takes hold of me. 

I exhale and hesitantly meet his stare.

His boxy grin is wider than ever as his eyes sparkle with excitement. I find myself mirroring his smile.

“I’ve got to admit, I was not expecting that but a part of me was hoping you felt that way.” He beams. “When I’m with you, I feel like I can completely be myself, no personas, no hiding, just me. I’m not too experienced in matters of the heart and this is a first for me; feeling this way. You’re so beautiful that it’s distracting especially because I find you fascinating and I want to know every little thing about you. Every story, every thought, everything but when you talk or smile, I can’t help but want to kiss you.” He stops, leaving that last part hanging heavy in the air.

His tongue darts out to wet his lips while he watches me. My stomach tightens with anticipation, hoping he will, waiting for him to lean in and do it. I stare at his mouth, heart beating so hard that it’s all I can hear pounding in my ears. 

He leans forward until he’s just inches from my face, his scent swirling around me, his soft, plump lips inviting me, calling to me, when the screen doors to our booth open abruptly. 

Taehyung is back against his seat in a flash, his hand no longer touching me and I suddenly feel cold without his skin against mine. 

My head snaps up, only to be met with Yoshi’s grinning face.

“Hey guys, I hope you were happy with your meals?” He asked, eyes eager for approval, completely oblivious to the moment he just disturbed.

I slump back in my seat. “Perfect as always, Yoyo.” I smile, trying to hide the disappointment that swells inside me.

“Yes, it was amazing. I will definitely be returning before the end of my trip.” Taehyung says softly, offering a bow of his head.

Yoshi slaps him on the back, the action making Taehyung’s eyes pop with surprise and I muffle a laugh behind my hand.

“Thanks man, I really appreciate that. You’re welcome here anytime, just drop by and I'll make sure you’re taken care of.” 

Taehyung smiles and nods. “That’s very kind of you, thank you.” 

“Here’s your bill.” He places the little, leather book with the paper inside on the table. “Well, I’ll let you two love birds get back to your date, we have a ‘no fondling, foreplay or sexual activity’ rule here though, so be sure to take that outside if the mood strikes.” 

My icy glare burns into him as he grins and closes the doors before I can throw something at him. I hear his laughter and his footsteps as he leaves.

I look over at Taehyung who is fighting a laugh himself. 

“Don’t you start.” I warn, resisting the smile that twitches the corner of my mouth. 

He laughs out loud. “I love it when you scold me.”

I shake my head at him, feigning shock and unable to hide my amusement anymore. “You’re not supposed to enjoy it.”

He shrugs and gives me a bashful grin, then checks his phone and groans. “I really do have to go. I’m really sorry.” 

“Hey, don’t worry, it’s fine.” I grab my bag as he glances at the bill. 

“I’m getting this, no arguments.” He says sternly. I smirk at the authority in his tone, wondering if he’s that commanding in bed too. Mind out of the gutter.

He places his cash down with a very generous tip, that has my eyes practically bulging out of their sockets.

I grab my blazer and slide out of the booth. “Lets go.”

I lead the way over to Yoshi, who is busy entertaining the customers sitting around the counter where he cooks and chats away. I wave to get his attention.

“We’re off Yoshi!” I call out. 

He nods, drops everything and rushes around to us. He pulls me into a quick, tight hug and before he’s even let me go he’s reaching around to shake Taehyung’s hand. I squeeze out of his grip and return to Taehyung’s side.

“Nice to meet you, man.” Yoshi waves.

“You too, thank you again.” Taehyung replies.

“My pleasure. Call me later, doll.” He points gun fingers at me and waves as he returns to his station. 

We head to the doors, opening them to the heavy, night air; warmth swirling around me in a complete contrast to inside. I hear Yoshi’s voice behind me call out. “Use protection!”

I put my middle finger up behind me without even looking in his direction. His laugh bellows out before the doors shut behind us. God, I really hated him sometimes. 

We walk to the car that had arrived to pick up Taehyung, the driver waiting patiently behind the wheel. 

“Jump in and we’ll drop you off.” He said, opening the door for me. 

I slid in across the comfy, fabric seats. Taehyung spoke to the driver then climbed in next to me. I was surprised to see the black partition between us and the driver and the small, dark curtains covering all the windows. I’ve never seen a car with these before, how odd.

My thoughts are interrupted by his hand on mine, the heat from his soft skin, searing through me. I look over to find he’s watching me from the corner of his eye, he gives me a side smile and I thread my fingers through his.

“You know, Yoshi did say something before you came in…” He says into the quiet. 

My stomach drops, nervous with apprehension. “What?”

“He...mentioned your ex.”

I felt a small flare of anger course through me. How dare he speak to Taehyung about him. Why bring up my past with someone I might have a future with? I let out a long breath. “What did he say?”

Taehyung looks hesitant. “Not much, honestly. Just said you dated a real arsehole, who broke your heart in the worst way. Then you came in, he didn’t get to finish.”

Thank god. This was my business to talk about, not Yoshi’s. I nod slowly.

“I think...” Taehyung cuts in quickly, worrying he’s upset me. “I think he was warning me not to hurt you, that’s why he brought it up.”

That was probably the case but I’m still pissed off at him. “That does sound like Yoshi.” I reply, quietly.

“And while I would like to hear about your past, including past relationships, I will wait until you’re ready to talk.”

I nod again, mulling that over. “Tomorrow. I’ll tell you about it tomorrow, if you want to hear it.”

He squeezes my hand. “Only if you’re sure.”

I smile at him, my anger slowly extinguishing, not wanting to ruin the moment with Taehyung because of something Yoshi said.

“Do you get a lunch break at work?” He asks, randomly into the silence, breaking any tension left.

I nod and my brow furrows. “Yes, of course. Why do you ask?”

“I have a packed schedule tomorrow evening, so I cannot see you but I need to.” He hits me with that intense stare again. If I weren't already sitting, my knees would be trembling trying to hold me upright. “Are you free to meet me on your lunch break?” His pleading eyes melt my insides.

I feel heat race from my chest to my cheeks as my blush spreads. “For you? Of course.”

He smiles, genuine excitement in his eyes and he looks down at our joined hands. Sitting this close to him, arms and thighs almost touching, so close and yet, so far. The urge to shift closer to him is almost overwhelming but for some reason I resist. There’s an invisible current I can feel from his body to mine, almost electric, sending tingles through my body.

“Taehyung, we’re here.” A voice sounds out from a speaker somewhere making me jump and interrupting my thoughts. I realise then, the car has stopped, too focused on the sheer magnetism I could feel towards him.

“Come on, I’ll walk you to your door.” He climbs out, hand only leaving mine for a second before he’s grasping it again to gently pull me out the car. He leads me up the steps to my door and when I turn to him to say goodnight, we’re suddenly face to face, inches apart. 

My heart knocks rapidly against my ribcage, even as my lungs seem to stop working and my breath stills. His hand comes up to push the hair off my shoulder and I feel him linger on my neck. Warm, long fingers slide up to hold each side of my face, as he tilts his head and suddenly, before I can think, his lips are on mine. Gentle, soft and magical. 

My senses go crazy for a moment, overloaded with stimulation before I reciprocate eagerly. The taste of him like nothing I’ve ever experienced before, I want more. 

He pulls away suddenly, still close enough for me to feel his harsh breathing against my face. 

“Sorry, I should have asked first.” He says breathlessly.

My core is on fire, I feel ready to explode as I grab his light shirt by the collar and pull him against my lips again. My hands find their way to his neck, as I grip to keep him close to me and yet it’s not close enough. His hands wind around my waist holding me tight against his body. Heat and fire replace my thoughts, as I can only focus on my erratic heartbeat and the painful throbbing between my legs as his perfect, angular lips dance with mine. 

He breaks away to breath, sending a trial of kisses across my cheek to my ear.

“Until tomorrow.” He whispers breathlessly, before gently releasing me and taking a step back. He captures my hand, brings my fingers up to his lips, like he did that first night and places a gentle lingering kiss against them.Then he’s turning abruptly, dashing down the stairs and into the car. 

I stand there, dazed. Wow. Did that just happen? 

I fumble with my handbag, my head feeling fuzzy and unable to control the rest of my body.

I eventually find my keys and clumsily let myself in, walking through my apartment in a trance. I mechanically get ready for bed, my body on autopilot while I replay the kiss over and over in my mind, unable to think of anything else. As I lay in bed, my phone vibrates against the top of my nightstand, pulling me out of my Taehyung daydream.

Taehyung [22.30]: Made it back in time, no pumpkins here—

I laugh. Attached to the message is a close up photo of him laying down in bed, resting on an arm, his almost ebony eyes wearing a smile and staring straight through the phone into me. He looks gorgeous. Did I just kiss him? How on earth did that happen? 

My grin starts to hurt my cheeks but I can’t seem to stop it. I try to force it into just a regular smile, nothing too over the top or creepy, I fluff my hair out on the pillow and take a mirroring selfie, hitting send after.

Y/n [22.32]: Good to know, none here either 😊

Taehyung [22.33]: Haha! Good. I’ll let you get some rest, see you tomorrow lunch time. Goodnight! 😉

I reply, wishing him a goodnight in return, just before my eyelids finally start to droop. As I drift off to sleep I replay the images of his lips moulded on mine, my fingers in his hair and his warm hands on my face, hoping he will appear in my dreams tonight.

Thank you so much for reading, if you could leave me some feedback it would be much appreciate, even if it’s just a little comment to tell me what you thought 🖤

[wolfpawn]

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 101

Chapter Summary -   Tom and Danielle finish the touring part of their holiday and the move on to meeting Danielle's elderly maternal grandmother.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.  This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

Gaelgóir - A predominantly native Irish speaker. IRA - Irish Republican Army, a paramilitary organisation set up to fight British occupation in Ireland. UVF - The Ulster Volunteer Force, a paramilitary organisation set up by Unionists who fought regularly against the IRA. I have the grandmother written to be a lot like my childminder growing up. An older woman who had no filter, she was great.

All image rights belong to their owners

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog​​​​ @jessibelle-nerdy-mum​​​​ @nonsensicalobsessions​​​​ @damalseer​​​​ @hiddlesbitch1​​​​ @winterisakiller​​​​ @fairlightswiftly​​​​ @salempoe​​​​​ @wolfsmom1​​​​​

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

Tom stood at the bottom of the waterfall looking up as the water cascaded down towards them, he adored Ireland, it was official, it was so alike to home, similar foods, similar weather, yet incredibly different also. He could see why Danielle always spoke so well of her home and country, it was impossible to not love the place. He turned to see Danielle hopping from rock to rock with almost childlike glee on her face. “Having fun?” “Yes, yes I am.” She grinned back.

She was, as he predicted, quite stiff from their escapades that morning, but she had been nothing short of ecstatic since either, smiling happily as they enjoyed their holiday. “So, where next?”

“There is an old abbey not far from here, and a castle, I never got to go there, but I always wanted to.” She smiled at him, her eyes pleading.

Tom could only grin back. “You are such a nerd, come on, before someone comes and thinks we’ve lost our minds.” He walked cautiously made his way back to the path, having taken several photos on his phone beforehand of the water plummeting from the sky.

“What about you, is there anything you want to look at around here, I don’t want to dictate things and be boring you.”

“You are not boring me, I like these sorts of things, I love history and old buildings.” “Same difference, they are old because they are part of history.” Danielle pointed out. “If you rather not come, just say it, I won’t get insulted, I know that what I like isn’t for everyone, or we could incorporate a mix of things for the two of us.”

‘Elle, stop worrying, I love this, honestly.’ Tom reassured her, putting his arm around her shoulder and kissing her. ‘I swear.’

‘I suppose it’s better than a Selena Gomez concert anyway.’ She giggled as Tom looked at her bemused. ‘That was a funny one.’

‘I am glad you find my life funny.’ Tom growled.

* Tom sat staring at the old lady in the chair in front of him. He had absolutely no idea what the woman was saying, for the most part, knowing that she was assessing him in his presence.

After Kerry, they made their way to her family in Cork, her maternal grandmother was still alive, though in care in her old age. Danielle had suggested he do something more interesting than sitting with her in an old folk’s home for an hour, but Tom requested to go with her. Her grandmother did not recognise her at first, apparently, that was common enough for the older woman these days, her memory slowly fading. Her accent was strong and part of Tom was grateful that Danielle had not developed one such as it, he would not have understood a word she was saying if she had. They stayed a while but Tom needed to use the bathroom, so he went to the visitors one in the main hall, leaving Danielle to talk to her grandmother. When he came back to the room, he paused for a moment before entering.

‘He’s a bit of alright.’

‘Nan!’ Danielle laughed. ‘You’re terrible.’

‘So, are you going staying over there with him?’

‘I don’t know, hopefully.’

‘What does he do?’

‘He’s an actor.’

‘A real one or a bad one?’

Danielle laughed again. ‘A real one Nan. He’s really good. You know Hank Williams?’

‘Now there was another bit of alright, he was some crooner. There was a movie on about him recently.’

‘Yes, that was Tom, he played him.’ Danielle informed her.

‘Jesus, hold on to him Danielle, he is good.’ Danielle just laughed again. ‘Your grandfather was into his country music.’

‘Yeah, Mam said that a lot.’

‘You’re not living off him, are you?’

‘No Nan, I have my own job and house, I don’t need him to pay for things for me.’

‘Girls these days are lucky, you can make your own money and everything. Don’t depend on men.’

‘The only man a girl should depend on is her Dad.’ Danielle joked.

‘Your father was a good man.’

‘Yeah, he was,’ Tom could imagine the fond smile on Danielle’s face as she spoke.

‘Not as good looking at that lad though, if I were you, it wouldn’t be here visiting me I would be.’

‘Jesus Nan, I swear to God,’ Danielle’s words were muffled as it was clear she was hiding her face in shame.

Tom, for his part, could not prevent himself from blushing, thankful he had not been in the room when she said that particular line. Deciding to rescue Danielle and put that discussion to rest, Tom knocked on the door to re-enter the room. ‘Ladies,’ he smiled as he came in.

‘Did I hear that you played Mr Williams in that movie?’ her grandmother inquired.

‘Yes, Ma’am,’ Tom used his Hank impression.

‘Jesus, tis him alright,’ Danielle just sighed and shook her head. ‘Are you any bit of a singer?’

‘It was him singing, Nan.’

‘Was it? He’s a bit of something alright, Danielle.’ Danielle looked skyward, wondering how she could ever stop this. ‘He was brilliant.’

‘An incredible musician.’ Tom agreed.

‘He’s very proper.’ Her grandmother leant towards Danielle.

‘Nan, he is three feet in front of you, he can hear you.’ Danielle began to feel exasperated.

‘I’d say it to his face too.’

‘You literally just did,’ Danielle stated exasperatedly. ‘I give up.’

‘Your grandfather used to sing a lot.’ Danielle looked at her grandmother curiously. ‘He was the one to had me listening to Hank Williams, he was a country-style too, but he could not get the croon.’

‘I didn’t know that, I thought he just listened to it.’

‘Your mother hated country music.’

‘That I did know.’

‘Yes, your father wondered where we got her,’ Sheila looked to Tom, ‘she was more traditional Irish music, she loved Irish dancing too, makes sense she married a man from Connemara, my Daniel took one look at him and laughed, “Of course she’d go for a Gaelgóir,” he said. He’d have never thought his granddaughter would go over and marry a Brit though.’

Tom’s brows furrowed. ‘Nan, we’re not married.’ Danielle corrected. ‘And it’s not the same now as it was in Grandad’s time.’

‘Did we get back Ulster when I was asleep last night?’ Sheila asked. Danielle looked awkwardly to the far wall. ‘I am not a fool, Bridget, I know things are different. Go get me a cup of tea.’

Danielle smiled slightly and rose to her feet. ‘Sure Nan, I’ll get it there.’ She looked to Tom and indicated to the door.

Tom looked awkwardly at the older woman for a moment. ‘It is a pleasure to meet you, Mrs O’Brien.’

‘Look it, let me tell you this if I tell you no more boy, it’s Sheila, and you may be some little pulchritudinous fancy thing from Britain, but if you hurt my Bridget, I will sort you.’ She threatened.

Danielle looked at her adoringly. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll ring his Mam and sisters and they’ll sort him.’

‘You do that, I mean it now Bridget.’

‘Sure thing Nan.’

‘And for the love of God get me that tea.’

Danielle walked over and gave her grandmother a kiss on the cheek, ‘I will Nan.’ She stated quietly. ‘I love you loads, and thanks for telling me about Granddad and Hank Williams.’ She smiled sadly, before she turned and left the room, informing the care workers that her grandmother was tired but would like a cup of tea.

Neither Tom nor Danielle said anything until they got back to the car. ‘Are you alright?’ Tom took her hand in his as they sat in the car park.

‘Yeah, I just hate seeing her get worse, she is ninety-three years old, so I know it is common at her age, but she is such a character, I don’t like seeing it.’

‘I see where you get your madness from,’ Tom jested. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘It’s life.’

‘So, your grandmother saw my work and liked it then?’

‘She loves Hank.’

Tom smiled proudly back. ‘Well, I did a great job apparently.’

‘You did.’ Danielle agreed with a smile.

Tom frowned. ‘Can I ask why would your granddad have been somewhat shocked?’ Danielle looked at him bewildered. ‘About you and I? I assume he was a republican?’ Danielle looked at him for a moment silently. ‘What?’

‘My grandfather Daniel was in the IRA.’ She admitted. Tom’s eyes widened. ‘He was involved in an incident in the fifties and well, yeah he was not a fan of British authority. Normal English people on the street he had time for, armed forces and government were something he very much did not.’ Tom said nothing in return. ‘In all fairness, Jack’s uncle was in the UVF.’

‘I don’t know what that is.’ Tom admitted.

‘The Unionists paramilitary army,’ Tom looked at her shocked. ‘Yeah, it was a two-sided thing, as wars tend to be.’

‘How do you know this?’

‘I was talking to his dad at the wedding, he told me that his brother died in the Troubles and we got talking about all that.’

‘That was anything but light-hearted. It was a wedding.’

‘It turned out to be an interesting conversation.’ Danielle admitted.

‘Your grandmother called you Bridget a lot towards the end.’

‘Yeah, she does that when she’s tired.’ Danielle’s tone was downtrodden at talking of such.

‘I heard what she said when I left by the way.’ Tom grinned, his tongue between his teeth as he did so.

‘Jesus, that woman has no filter.’ Danielle laughed. ‘I cannot even blame her age for that, she was always blunt.’

‘She likes me.’

‘How could she not?’ Danielle looked at him, a loving smile on her face.

‘Thank you,’ Danielle frowned. ‘For letting me be this involved in your life, giving me a chance to see all of you.’ Tom explained. ‘Now, to Dublin, be warned Siobhan wants to say hi,’

‘Will I drive?’ Tom offered. Danielle did nothing for a moment before getting out of the car and going to the passenger door, Tom smiling as he got out, kissing her gently on the lips before walking to the other side and getting in.

Torc Waterfall in Killarney

Muckross House

Muckross Abbey

Muckross Abbey Yew Tree

Ross Castle

The Lakes of Killarney

[emeraldtawny]

Ikerev Drug Dealer AU

Strap in folks, there’s a lot of explaining to do ^w^

Welcome to the city of Cradle, a bustling city with everything you could possibly need and want. With the majority of the city’s population being young adults, Cradle has earned a reputation as a “party city” and is a hotspot for clubs, concerts and crazy weekend getaways to get completely smashed and return home with a ruined liver and a shorter lifespan. However, the dark underbelly of the city stretches up to encroach on its lively surface...in the form of illegal dealings of performance-enhancers.

In this universe, Magic Crystals are an outlawed supplement. They aren’t fatally dangerous, but they’ve been outlawed for their uncanny ability to heighten senses and basically make you superhuman. The catch is that you only need to take it once and then the effects are permanent.

These things are hard to get and even more costly, but still, dealings are abundant in the city whilst authorities try their best to find the last major dealer at large yet anonymous: Harr Silver.

Magic Crystals affect everyone differently, so depending on your metabolism and the chemical balance in your body, you could absorb all of the Crystal’s effects into you or none at all. They’re put into classes based on how much Magic Crystal is absorbed into them and those who ingest Crystals are basically wanted criminals, both by police and other jealous non-absorbers. However, the one consistency is that when you first ingest Magic Crystals, your body essentially goes into stasis and you are incredibly malleable and practically useless while your brain tries to adjust to the new chemical balances.

The categorisation of Magic Crystal absorption:

0% - Incompatible, physically cannot absorb the Crystal’s effects no matter how potent the Crystal.

1-30% - around 50% of the population is estimated to be able to absorb this percentage of a Crystal’s substances. Slightly heightened hearing and sight and less fatigued muscles after exercise.

31-60% - Moderately heightened senses and increased spatial awareness. Reinforced muscles and strengthened bones making the person stronger and more flexible. Less susceptible to burnout unless completely stretching their limits.

61-85% - High increases in senses, spatial awareness and cognitive memory. Near superhuman strength and agility as well as near immune to sickness, but with a high cost of extreme fatigue and nausea when overworked.

86-100% - Pure Absorbers. Superhuman levels of spatial awareness, inhuman sense of hearing, sight and smell, photographic memory and the slightest chance of manipulating the potential energy of others around them (pushing them back without touching them, or nullifying their abilities). Huge recoil from overuse of powers with symptoms like severe nausea, hallucinations and coma.

Main Dealers

Harr Silver

“This was never my intention, but it seems this whole situation is now mine to regulate.”

Originally a humble self-taught biochemist and wildlife enthusiast. Stumbled upon potent Magic Crystals in the forest and decided to experiment on them to appease his curiosity. After many testings of creating a natural enhancer that would reduce muscle tension and fatigue - finally testing on himself when he was confident and absorbing 100% of the chemicals into his system - he started selling them as supplements through back-door sales. Initially tried to sell it legally through mainstream markets, but they all wrote it off as a cheap organic scam product. Stumped for ideas, he confided in his two friends, Lancelot and Sirius, on what to do. Little did he know how big things would get from there.

Sirius Oswald

“I hate that I’m a part of this, but there’s no way in hell I’m leaving you two to your own devices.”

Owner of the city’s largest flower shop and a long-time friend of Harr and Lancelot. Was approached by Harr about his new discovery for advice on how to bring it into the mainstream market, which he obliged. When the situation literally turned into a drug cartel, Sirius was the one to tell Harr to turn back, but it was too late. In order to help his friend, Sirius (begrudgingly) agrees to help him using his various connections throughout the city (to cover up/stop any trails police catch wind of) and his green thumb (his ability to identify and find the highest quality crystals to synthesise). Is repulsed by the thought of ever absorbing a Magic Crystal’s energy, but supports Harr’s and Lancelot’s decisions in doing it themselves.

Lancelot Kingsley

“You’re not thinking big enough. We could do so many things with what you’ve discovered.”

A dignified noble in the city and a polarising public figure because of it. The other friend Harr confided in about his discovery and, unlike Sirius, was almost excited about it. He was the reason these supplement Magic Crystals became the sought after product it is; after taking it himself (him absorbing around 90% into his body), he used his widespread connections to create other dealers throughout the city. The most notable places were the city’s largest nightclub and the organic medicine clinic. Despite both Harr’s and Sirius’ disapproval, Lancelot takes the responsibility for the seeds he planted and helps them both manage the Magic Crystals, himself quite intent on pushing for higher production and more exports. What does he have in mind?

Associates

Fenrir Godspeed

“Sure, I’ll help ya out. Welcome to the hell of illegal dealings, pleasure doin’ business with ya.”

Son to one of the major rich families in the city and the owner of the lucrative Cat’s Cradle nightclub, an establishment known for catchy tunes and shady dealings. Cocky yet grounded, his dealings of Magic Crystals are the best-kept secret in the city, the only source more reliable being Harr himself. Was approached by Lancelot - another rich kid he knew through their family’s connection - and agreed to help in exchange for his own high-quality crystals. Another who has taken Magic Crystals (around 60% absorption) and uses the abilities it gives him to conceal his illegal dealings. Never without his personal bodyguard Seth and loves the exposure the Crystal dealings give his nightclub, so is surprisingly cooperative with the whole operation.

Seth Hyde

“Me? I wouldn’t tell anyone about this. I’m more reliable than that, y’know~”

Fenrir’s bodyguard and co-host to the Cat’s Cradle nightclub. Mainly the entertainment organiser (a real singing and dancing star) and loves to confuse patrons by wearing his hair down to mislead them about his gender (also incredibly helpful for disguises). Knows of the dealings but is prohibited from knowing any top-secret details of the nightclub’s dealings...which is something he needs to know, especially considering he’s an undercover police agent searching for concrete evidence to out the entire Crystal operation. His communications with police are limited to reduce the risk of him being discovered, but relays information to another officer, Edgar, when he can.

Kyle Ash

“Look, I don’t really care about how you’re going about this. Just lemme test them for myself and I won’t tell a soul.”

Head researcher of the town’s organic medicine clinic. Was approached by Lancelot about being an additional dealer but was hesitant at first. Only agreed after talking with Harr directly and getting expressed permission to study the Crystals as long as he sold them as well. Not one for ethics so he saw no downside to this deal and happily sells Magic Crystals to customers whilst researching their effects in his own time. Is currently attempting to find an “antidote” to reverse-engineer the Crystal’s effects, at Harr’s request, so people who regretted their decisions could rectify themselves. Drinks the weekends away with his friend Oliver, though it’s more accurate to say that he’s being babysitted by him.

Edgar Bright

“No one here is truly innocent, myself included. But I can hold my tongue as long as you hold yours.”

A special agent in the Cradle police force. Despite being on the side that works to outlaw and contain Magic Crystals, he isn’t too bothered by them (especially considering he has taken one himself, absorbing approximately 30% into his system). He actually linked the mass exportation of Magic Crystals to Lancelot’s sudden increase in publicity. He confronts him about it but agrees to keep his silence in exchange for Lancelot using his ties to prevent the police force finding out Edgar has taken Crystals. Feeds intel to an investigator, Zero, “for fun”, but makes sure it’s just short of being enough. Receives information from Seth irregularly about the possible nightclub dealings, but doesn’t really bat an eye to it.

Innocents

Ray Blackwell

“Why me? I didn’t ask for this…”

A young man unwillingly dragged into the drug ring through unfortunate circumstances. A frequent visitor to the Cat’s Cradle nightclub, since he’s good friends with the young owner. Because of this, he gets swept up in rumours about him having power in the dealings the nightclub does. He gets dragged out into the alley and forced to ingest a Magic Crystal to make him weak and easy to deal with. However, he absorbs a lot of the Crystal (around 85%) and accidentally severely injures his attackers from an outburst of power. Currently wanted by police for his arrest. Luckily, Fenrir is keeping him safe whilst he tries to come to terms with these powers he doesn’t even want.

Loki Genetta

“I can help you - no, let me help you!”

A young college student before the whole ordeal happened. His friends got hold of Magic Crystals and they all decided to try them for fun. Whilst his friends absorbed close to nothing of the Crystal, his eyes started burning and he passed out from the pain in the alley. Doctors confirmed he absorbed approximately 90% of the Crystal. His parents, while telling him they wouldn't hold his young dumb mistake against him, made plans to turn him in to the police for their own safety as well as his own. Hearing this, Loki fled and lucked out by running into Harr by chance. Sympathising and feeling sorry for the boy, Harr promises to protect him himself, much to Lancelot’s dismay at being a babysitter. Loki learns Harr was the original procurer of the supplement and asks to help him for saving him from homelessness and jail. Harr refuses yet Loki still remains at his side, ready to help whenever he needs it.

Jonah Clemence

“How dare you sully my family name with such useless bile! You’ll pay for what you’ve done.”

The elder brother of the esteemed and powerful Clemence family. Completely uninvolved with any drug trading “nonsense” in order to keep his family’s image pristine. This changes, however, when rumours started by the Godspeed family start spreading about the Clemences doing Crystal dealings to elites behind closed doors. His parents are jailed for suspected drug dealing and he is now determined to clear their name and expose the true culprit who started these rumours about his family. By any means necessary.

Luka Clemence

“Just leave me out of this. It doesn’t concern me, anyway…”

The younger brother of the Clemence family. Knew of the rumours about his family before they did but kept his silence knowing they wouldn’t believe him. Annoyed by his brother’s two-facedness about the situation (only caring about the drug trading after it becomes a family matter). Distances himself from Jonah to hang out with Edgar and tries to pretend nothing is wrong. Carries a couple of Crystals on him in secret, in case of an emergency.

Anti-Crystal

Zero

“Think what you like, but I know who I am and I’m not a criminal!”

An independent investigator assigned with the Cradle police force who works alone in exposing the small branch dealers under Harr’s control (he suspects Kyle’s clinic but needs evidence). Gets leads and tip-offs from a certain esteemed police agent, Edgar, and is incredibly close to getting the intel he needs to break open the case, but every time he gets close he gets cut off. The reason he works alone is because no one wants to work with him. It’s forbidden to take Crystals in the police force and they assume he has taken it because of his physical prowess. Even if it’s his name, they call him Zero as a slur (in a mocking way that is obvious in them not believing his innocence) and they shun him despite him doing nothing wrong. This doesn’t deter him, however.

Blanc Lapin

“I must admit, I am in quite a difficult spot with this whole ordeal. Oh, dear..”

The only surviving heir of the Lapins, the most esteemed family in the city of Cradle and, therefore, has a lot of political power. Harbours a lot of media attention for allowing a drug cartel to break out in the city, but dismisses it politely. Behind closed doors, he works with Oliver to uncover the truth themselves, without police intervention or the possibility of fake information or double agents. Aware of Harr’s history with wildlife knowledge but refuses to make any moves publicly until he has concrete evidence (to limit the risk of his credibility falling).

Oliver Knight

“Can’t trust a single soul in this godforsaken city...drug addicts, the lot of them.”

A local activist against Magic Crystals who believes the whole thing is rigged and even the police can’t stop it with the “no doubt countless rats in every crevice”, to quote him directly. Works with his long-time friend Blanc to find out everything they can without alerting authorities or dealers alike. Drinks his stresses away with his drinking buddy Kyle (but has no idea of his connections to the dealings) but trusts him to chat with about the whole situation. He despises Magic Crystals with a passion...but, why?

Accompanying story posted here because this post is already long enough gkrjdfgbkrjdmfn

[neaura-nightsong]

Crazy Dream

So I had this CRAZY Dream last night, and I'm going to attempt to recap it.. So buckle in. So there was this weird party going on in this skyscraper downtown. I heard about it, and supposedly it was indoor camping in the building's basement levels. You put up a tent, hang out, there's food, live music, movies on projectors, etc. It sounded weird and fun, so I figured why not, and invited a guy I was seeing to come with me for the night. I got there first, with the tent and sleeping bags, and I figured I'd go in and set up and get oriented. The building was *really* high end and fancy, but I didn't get to see much of it except the lobby and basement levels. I had arrived pretty early, so there wasn't a ton of people around yet, so I scouted out a good spot, and went about setting up the tent and contents. Once finished, I decided to head out to get a bite to eat, then I'd come back and meet up with my guy friend closer to when things are winding up. I returned to the apartment building a couple hours later.. My friend still was running late and had not shown up. So I went back in without him. IT WAS PACKED NOW. Like, concert level packed. I was struggling to find where I had put my tent, everything was so disorienting and different looking now with so many people and other tents, many of them similar looking. Eventually I saw what looked to be my tent, shoved against a wall and squished, to make room for other people who had taken the space for themselves. Particularly, three guys in their early 20's who had set up right where my tent had been. I approached them, and said something like "Hey what the hell! That's my tent back there, why did you move it, that's really rude!". They said that nobody was there so they just did it, and so what. So I go over to my tent to pack it up and find somewhere else, when one of the guys grabs me. I struggled with him but he was way too strong. He then started to grab me in inappropriate places, and I screamed "HELP! HELP!" nobody heard or nobody cared. I continued to struggle, as his touching became increasingly sexual and inappropriate. Now I screamed "HELP!! RAPE! RAPE! HELP!" Still, nobody came to my aid. Now he covered my mouth with a hand.  I realised that if this continued, they would never let me leave.. I had seen their faces, bodies, heard their names, etc.. So I decided to pretend that I consented at this point.. that his advances had turned me on or something, and that I was now into it. So I stopped resisting, and changed my body language, and when he uncovered my mouth I said something like "Actually yeah, let's do this".  After it was over, they were all still hesitant about letting me leave. I told them I did not remember their names, that I had really bad memory.. and besides, why would there be anything to worry about if I ended up consenting, we were all just having fun right. They let me leave. I grabbed my tent and walked away casually. As soon as I was out of eyesight, I dropped the tent and started running... I was in panic from what had just happened. I found a quiet spot, and called my friend to tell of what had happened, and vent. That's when I saw something strange.. Some guys were holding pistols, and talking aggressively, talking about doing something, and how they should do it. I didn't have the mental focus to worry about this right now, so I went to the elevator and went up to the Lobby. The Lobby.. There was a security booth at the front of the lobby, with a security officer on duty. I went up and knocked on the bullet proof glass, and asked her if I could come inside the booth, and that I needed to talk about something that happened in the basement. She could see I was crying and in distress, so she let me in. That is the moment when the elevator doors opened, and two people, one male one female, wearing all black, came out, one carrying a revolver, and one carrying a semi-automatic pistol. The first thing they did was come up to the security booth, and started shooting at the door, trying to get it open. But as I mentioned, it was made from bulletproof glass, and took minimal damage, though they were slowly wearing it down. That is when the security guard took out her revolver, and got ready for them to break in.. which they did. and shots flew in both directions.. I was standing beside the door that had been broken open, trying to push it back closed, against the force of one of the people in black. The security guard took the man out. But now the woman was enraged, the pushed the door open wide, despite my efforts, and shot the security officer right in the gut. She was out of bullets now, but the officer was not. She takes aim at the woman, but the woman grabs onto the gun and tries to push it into a different trajectory.. So I grab onto it too and push it back into its intended trajectory.. into the woman's head. The security officer collapses from her wounds, but I continue to struggle, and pull the trigger. The woman dies. I just killed someone. What the hell is going on. I exit the building, and that's when I overhear I couple people in a very expensive car nearby. I learn via their conversation that this whole camping party thing was organised as a birthday celebration for the daughter of a mob leader.. and that the leader, had a sister, and this brother and sister were warring over who whould be in charge of the mob, after their father had recently passed away. The building was owned by the brother, but the sister was here to take control and subvert her brother. Holy shit. I was in the middle of a frigging mafia war. But later I would learn it wasn't that simple.. There was a dark reason that the sister had not taken action until now. I just didn't know it yet. At this point I decide it is best for me to act like one of the regular party-goers, and like I hadnt seen or done anything unusual. I go out to the car where the daughter (the one the party is for) was, and she looked visibly upset. I ask her what is wrong, and say "this party is all for you, isnt it? How come you're not getting to enjoy it!"  She tells me they wont let her in because of something happening with the building, and that she doesn't think she'll get to go.  "Aww, that's too bad.." I say. "Well I really hope that changes, and you can go have some fun!". "Thanks" she says. Great, now the daughter of a mob leader has had a positive friendly association with me. This could help me later on. I continue this strategy, innocently chatting and being friendly with people who appeared to be closely tied to what was going on.. all the while pretending I was clueless to the fact that there was anything more going on here than a fun harmless party. It was working. Now most of the daughter's body-guards, and staff knew who I was, and had had friendly interactions with me. Not likely that their first instinct will be to shoot me when they see me, now. Eventually, they deem the situation stable enough that the daughter and her staff are moved into the upscale lobby of the apartment. They hang out, watch tv, talk, etc, and I am there with them, buddying it up. A few times, the elevator doors would open, and members of the Brother's (the guy who's apartment it is) security forces would burst out, and I would have to act like I was defending the daughter and her staff, and take defensive actions. This helped to prove my loyalty, and show them I was cool with what was going down. ~~~~Some of the dream is lost~~~~~ Eventually, the Sister (The rival) comes in to the building, concerned that the takeover is going more slowly and messily than she wanted.. I am in so deep now, and she is told of everything I've done to help them.. She wants to recruit me to go up into the levels of the building, and clear it out of anyone who is loyal to her brother and not her, and log/document my actions as I clear each floor. Let's be honest, my choices here are agree, or be deemed disloyal and probably be executed. So I agree. I am given guns and ammo, and a stack of paperwork, and keys to an apartment on the 80th floor. I am told that the floors closer to the top are safer, and the lower floors are still in heavy conflict, or secured by her opposition. The first thing I do is go to the 80th floor and go into "my apartment". It's nice. But, what the hell have I gotten myself into?! WTF! I decide what I will do is kinda roam the floors, scouting things out and getting a feel for what's going on, and then I will later on go and fill out the paper work, and falsify it with fake kills and etc so it looks like I had been busy working for her. I start with the high floors, since those are supposedly safer. That's when I start to see something I can hardly believe. There was more going on here than I suspected. The people loyal to the Sister, they werent human.. At least.. not entirely.. The only way I can describe it is that they looked like genetic mutants, each having different and random variations that made them more powerful, dangerous, or scary. Meanwhile, the people on the lower floors, they are just regular people, mostly civilians. This isn't a mob takeover, this is some kind of genetic freakshow genocide, or aliens, or what?! I don't even know anymore! After a long time, I return to my "apartment". I receive a call from the Sister. She wants me to come down to the lobby and rpesent my paperwork and progress reports, and celebrate with them, have a drink, etc, because aparently the whole thing is going very well, and they've cleared every floor above floor 17. Okay, I am just finishing up some work, but I will be down there shortly, I say. Time to quickly finish falsifying those logs and paperwork so it looks like I've been reasonably productive, but not so much as to draw suspicion. I describe what I had seen on each floor, and make up kill logs for enemies I had "taken out". When I finished, I headed down to the lobby. Everyone there was in good spirits, and I received lots of congratulations on my small part in the work. They poured me a drink, and I joined them in the festivities. The Sister said she had to go, and that she'd be going to the top floor to set up her new command post, now that this building was being captured in her name. That seemed fine, since there was like 70+ floors secured between her and her enemies, and the win was ever closer in sight. (I almost didn't want to mention it, but she did some weird alien psycho-kinetic stuff to me when she congratulated me, and made me feel all turned on and good, but like cranked up to 1,000. Was this some way to control me?) "But, I'd feel better if she had at least some backup, out in the hallway, I should go with her." I said. The remainder of the group commended me for my diligence, and off I went. I wasn't going there to protect her, though. I was going there to kill her. It was easy. I came to the top floor, and she had her back turned to me.. I shot her 8 times in the head and chest. Then I lit the room on fire, and left. On the elevator ride back down, a little boy got on, from floor 12, and said he was going up to floor 67 to find his friend.. I had to talk him out of it.. if he tried he would surely be killed.. "We have to get out of here, now! People have to find out about what's going on here!" The boy was sad... he was even wearing his monster halloween costume to try to blend in witth the freaky mutant-aliens he would have to get past.   But he didn't fight it.. I think he knew it was a suicide mission. But at least this way, if we get out, and find help, we might be able to save some people. So we left. Not through the lobby, but through a back fire exit. We went to the nearest place that had a phone and made just about the strangest 911 call ever to have taken place... The End

[eldritchsurveys]

672.

When was the last time you let someone know you truly love him/her? >> Hm.

Do you complain when you are bored, or look for something to do? >> I might say that I’m bored, conversationally, if I’m not alone. But usually I just flop around and wait until my brain settles down. (Usually, boredom for me isn’t a lack of things to do, it’s just a kind of restlessness or anxiety that prevents me from doing anything or focusing on anything.)

Do other people's complaints ever get on your nerves? >> Sure.

Generally, what is your favorite ride at an amusement park? >> I remember liking roller coasters, but I haven’t been to an amusement park in a long time.

Who is your favorite 90's musical artist? >> I mean, a lot of the music I enjoy is from the nineties...

Do you think that music was better when your parents were young, or now? >> Music is just music. Some of it I like, some of it I don’t like, but every time period in the past century-plus has had its pop music that older people hate. I think it’s just more difficult to adapt to new music trends as one gets older, and one is more likely to experience nostalgia for the music they grew up with, and mistakenly assume that their nostalgia means that the music was obviously objectively better back then. There are some musical trends that I wish were still knocking around, sure, but there are some new trends that I love, too. People will always be around making music that I like, no matter what year it is.

How did you develop your specific taste in music? >> I mean, it wasn’t any effort on my part. I just like what I like; I assume it’s mostly subconscious.

If you drink coffee, how do you like it (with cream, black, etc)? >> Black.

Did your parents sign you up for things like piano lessons and ballet? >> He always signed me up for things I didn’t enjoy, and then wondered why I didn’t perform to his standards.

What is your favorite children's song? >> I don’t have one.

Is there a funny story about yourself that you like telling others? >> Probably, but I can’t remember it right now.

Are you good at telling jokes? >> No, I don’t have the memory for constructed jokes.

Are you uptight, or are you easy going? >> I’m neurotic about some things because of how I’m wired, and I’m pretty apathetic about other things for the same reason.

Other than gas, what do you frequently purchase at a gas station? >> I don’t regularly buy things at gas stations.

What is one concern you have about the present state of the world? >> Meh.

Ten years ago, did you think that this was how the world would turn out? >> I wasn’t thinking about how the world would turn out ten years from then.

Ever think you might be better off living in a different time period? >> No.

Do you drink regular or diet soda? >> If I’m going to drink soda, I’m going to drink regular soda.

What CDs would you take with you on a road trip? >> Thank god for Spotify.

Think of your favorite band? What album by them is your LEAST favorite? >> I don’t have a favourite band.

Have you seen your favorite band in concert? If so, how was it? >> I’ve seen live several bands I’ve called “favourite” in the past. They were all great shows.

Do you walk regularly? >> I don’t. Especially not in this season.

Did you take a Health class in high school? How was it? >> Yeah. I don’t know, I slept through most of it.

If you could have the answer to one question, what question would that be? >> ---

Do you like any bands from other countries? >> Sure, of course.

When was the last time you mailed a handwritten letter? >> Uh... middle school?

Do you still receive Christmas cards? >> Not unless I do a card exchange amongst my tumblr mutuals, which I did do one year. But executive dysfunction got in the way last season so I didn’t get around to it.

Do you know anyone who is really hard to please? >> I mean, maybe.

What gets you through the day? >> *shrug*

Do you have a Before Bed routine? >> Not really. I just make sure to take my pill at around 10p.

Describe your stance on organized religion? >> I don’t have a stance on it, really. I find some aspects of it fascinating, some aspects of it helpful, and other aspects of it harmful. Just like... anything, I guess? I’m considering conversion to a particular organised religion, but I’ve been spoiled by the sheer freedom of being unaffiliated and I’m not sure how willing I am to give that up.

Describe your stance on religion in general? >> I’m notoriously interested in and even passionate about religion in general, even when I don’t care to personally participate in it. It’s one of those things I’d consider majoring in if I was in any way inclined towards formal education.

If you found out your bf/gf was homosexual, how would you react? >> Whaaaaat? The woman that is always saying “I’m gay” at any given occasion (particularly when she sees other women) is not straight?????? News to me.

If you are homosexual, and you find out your bf/gf is straight, then what? >> I mean, that’s a situation I can’t really imagine being in.

Have you ever sung karaoke? What songs? Was it fun? >> I’ve sung at live-band karaoke... I’d say around 100, 150 times? I was pretty much a regular. My go-to songs included Smells Like Teen Spirit, Jeremy, and No One Knows. Oh, and The Trooper until I saw [fellow regular] Dorit do a belly-dance bit with a sword on her head during the solo. I think all of us regulars gave up on doing The Trooper after that, lmfao.

Do you study for big tests? >> ---

What makes you nervous? >> Oh, a few things, I guess.

Have you called anyone today? What did you talk about? >> No.

When was the last time you went bowling? >> The last time I was even in a bowling alley is when I was eighteen. The only reason I remember is because that was the last time I saw Thomas before he died. (That bowling alley isn’t even there anymore. Always thought a bowling alley in Port Authority was weird, anyway...)

Do you drive around the neighborhood to look at lights around Xmas? >> We usually just see them on regular drives. When I lived in the Pine Barrens as a preteen, it was nice because we lived by a four-mile-long lake, and you could always see the reflections of the lights across the lake in the water. Also, there was this one house that always went absolutely apeshit with the lights every year. I shudder to think of their electric bill.

Why are so many single people bitter on Valentine's Day? >> Because they’re lonely or have been hurt by exes or are unhappily aromantic, and don’t like being bombarded by hearts and romantic shit everywhere. It’s not rocket science, dude.

What holiday is a big deal for you? >> I mean, Christmas. I enjoy it and for once in my life I get to fully celebrate it.

What is one tradition you hate participating in? >> I don’t know, but whatever it is, I probably just refuse to participate in it period.

Have you ever been sledding? >> Nope.

Do you have acne? >> Not since high school.

Have you made a fool of yourself today? >> Not to my knowledge.

Is there someone you wish you could talk to, but you're too afraid? >> Not specifically. But in general, fear is the foundation of why I don’t open up to people.

Do you have a favorite cookie? >> I like lemon cookies...

When was the last time you did something for someone else? >> Neighbour left her key in her door and I knocked on the door to alert her to it.

Do you let other people choose the radio stations in your car? >> ---

Would you say that you are an accepting and openminded person? >> Sure.

Have you ever been convinced to try something you didn't want to do? >> Not if I really didn’t want to do it. I’ve been convinced to try things that I was on the fence about.

What happened? How did you feel about your choice? >> ---

Have you ever tried to influence someone else? >> I mean, sure, probably.

When was the last time you cheated--at anything? >> I don’t remember.

Do you play any online computer games? If so, what? >> Yeah. I play several MMOs (not at the same time, I usually alternate between them from month to month).

What food can you not seem to get enough of? >> Cheese and crackers, for some reason.

When you are mad at someone, how do you show them? >> I usually just don’t talk to them or don’t give any friendly social cues. Kind of freeze them out, I guess. I figure most people don’t care if I’m upset with them or not, so it doesn’t make any sense to tell them or have a conversation about it. That may be fallacious, but I... also haven’t been explicitly proven wrong yet, lol.

Do you like to think that you are better than other people? >> No.

When was the last time you felt you had a reality check? >> I don’t know.

Have you ever felt out of touch with reality? >> Sure, many times.

Have you ever been sick to the point of possibly dying? >> Nope.

Have you ever had a tooth pulled? >> Yes, because I can’t afford a root canal.

How long do you you usually chew a stick of gum? >> Not that long. The flavour only lasts like five minutes at best, after all, and once the flavour’s gone the gum starts to lose pliability.

Did you chew gum in school, even if it was against the rules? >> I don’t recall doing so.

Did you take a foreign language in school? >> I tried. I didn’t get very far because of changing schools all the time, being in the mental hospital all the time, and also that stupid fiasco where I got no credit for a whole year of Spanish I (I don’t remember why, but it was definitely some bullshit).

Did you attempt to make Honor Roll? Did you make it? >> I only made honour roll in elementary.

What was your favorite school project? >> That report I did about Jim Morrison. Or that project I did about the war against rock and roll, lol (you know, the Satanic Panic around metal music and all that noise; I basically got tired of being told I listened to “devil music” and decided to expose the ridiculousness of it in my final project).

Did you attend any school dances? >> I mean, I went to prom.

Were you in any after school clubs? >> I tried to be, but my father made me leave them because he didn’t approve of the kinds of clubs I wanted to be in (and I didn’t want to be in the kinds of clubs he approved of).

Was there any teacher that made life living hell for you? >> I definitely felt that way.

How about any student(s)? >> Some years, yes.

When was the last time you felt overwhelmed? >> I don’t remember. It’s a common occurrence so I don’t make much note of it when it happens.

Which parent are you more apt to go to if you're upset? >> ---

Do you have any coffee mugs with funny pictures/sayings? >> I have a mug with a cute cactus on it! But Sparrow has all the punny mugs (they’re all cat puns).

Describe your favorite t-shirt? >> ---

Describe something strange that you own? >> Hmm... not sure I own anything strange. Or maybe it’s just that nothing I own is strange to me.

What do you like to do on a friday night? >> Go to Cafe Boba for a weekly meetup group.

What do you like to do on a sunday night? >> Whatever.

Are monday's a drag for you? >> No more or less than any other day of the week.

Do you think graffiti is a valid form of artistic expression? >> Of course.

Do you know where the food you eat comes from? >> Of course not, I live in the US. It’s all a clusterfuck of obfuscation.

Do you ever worry about where the world will be in 20 years? >> No. My peers seem to have that covered.

Have you spent much time contemplating your death? >> Oh, definitely.

Do you know what you want your funeral to be like? >> I know that I want a home vigil (assuming I die when I’m older, after we’ve already bought an actual home). If I die, like, tomorrow or whatever, I guess people can do whatever they want funeral-wise because I’m not interested. Just bury me in a cardboard or pine box in the green section at that one cemetery near us, please. Not in a fucking thousand-dollar metal casket or whatever. Let me decay.

How often do you think dirty thoughts? >> I don’t know, often enough, I guess.

Can mere images turn you on? How about words? >> Images, sure. Words, if they come from Inworld, yeah...

Do you give a good back massage? >> No.

Do you think that feet are disgusting? >> I mean, not inherently. At least they don’t... secrete stuff. (I mean, besides sweat.)

Do you have a girlish scream? >> I don’t recall ever screaming, period.

When was the last time you screamed? >> ^

What is your political affiliation? >> I don’t have one, but I usually vote Democrat.

Are you registered to vote? >> Yeah.

Are you GOING to vote? >> *sigh* Yeah, guess I oughta.

Do you think you would enjoy living in college dorms? >> No. Nooooo no no no no.

Have you ever been to the YMCA? >> Yeah.

If you ditched school, where did you go? >> ---

Have you ever been offered drugs? What, and by who? >> I mean, by friends. Not by complete strangers the way D.A.R.E. insisted. (I mean, that probably does happen too, just not at all with the frequency one would expect...)

Are you afraid to walk places at night if you are alone? >> No.

What's in your school backpack? >> ---

Are you put off by overly social people? >> No. I’m easily exhausted by very extroverted, exuberant people, is all. Doesn’t mean I don’t like them as people.

What do you think of people who are shy? >> I don’t think anything of them, specifically. Some people are just shy. That’s fine.

[harrisonstories]

Above and below: George Harrison and Sir Jackie Stewart at the Gunnar Nilsson Memorial Trophy meeting in Donington Park, England, Middle: George driving the Lotus 18 at the same event (3 June 1979)

NOTE: This is a rather long but refreshing read about a side of George’s life which doesn’t get talked about much. Here is an interview George and Jackie did at the Gunnar Nilsson Memorial Trophy. 

A Beatle’s new mania

George Harrison, former lead guitarist with the legendary Beatles pop music group, talks to Chris Hockley about his passion for Formula 1, fast cars and a private life

IT’S PUZZLING in a way why George Harrison has such a fervent passion for fast cars and motor racing. For since the mind-boggling days of the Swinging ‘Sixties, when as one of The Beatles he was swept towards super-stardom and super-richness on a tidal wave of hysteria, the pace of his life has slowed to a virtual crawl.

Gone are the days when he had to make a run for it through thousands of screaming pop fans. Today, you are more likely to find him in his wellies, gently pushing a wheelbarrow towards carefully-tended flower beds in the vast grounds of his palatial country mansion.

Gone are the days when he lived out of a suitcase and wasn’t sure if he was in London, New York, Tokyo or Cloud Cuckoo Land. Today, he meditates silently for hours in his own temple.

Gone are the days when girls scratched each other’s eyes out as they fought to touch a fragment of his clothing. Today, he is happier to stay at home with his wife Olivia and their 10 month-old son, Dhani.

Yet there is still one public side to the private Mr. Harrison. For as well as being one of the world’s most famous pop stars, he has gradually become the world’s most famous motor racing fan.

“I’m getting too well known at motor races now,” he grins – as he is beseiged by a swarm of autograph hunters who have just rushed past Mario Andretti. “It was my hobby, now it’s getting like work again.”

George’s lean and craggy features are a frequent sight at Grand Prix meetings around the globe. His name is enough to ensure him VIP treatment, but he reckons he repays all the behind-the-scenes privileges he enjoys by attracting publicity for the sport.

Though he is often to be seen in the midst of a cluster of photographers, he does not go out of his way to court glamour. Harrison goes motor racing to see and not be seen.

He has been a genuine enthusiast since the days when he was just another poor kid from the streets of Liverpool, digging deep into his pocket to get into the city’s Aintree circuit during its heydey in the ‘Fifties.

He loves talking about racing. To him it represents a refuge from never-ending questions like: “Are the Beatles ever going to get together again, George?” Or, “Is it true that Paul McCartney once had a bunion on his right foot?”

In his slow, deliberate – and knowledgeable – Scouse drawl, George will tell you about oversteer, understeer, gear ratios and why he hopes Jody Scheckter will be world champion this year.

And he will rave about Fangio with the same 12-year-old’s wide eyes that watched the great Argentinian dominate the 1955 British Grand Prix at Aintree with Mercedes team-mate Stirling Moss.

“I can’t remember why I started going to Aintree – I think I just saw a poster advertising a race,” he says. “Anyway, I used to go there whether it was a big or small meeting, take my butties and sit on the Railway Straight embankment to watch the race. I went to a lot of bike meetings as well – I was a big fan of Geoff Duke!

“I had a box camera and went round taking pictures of all the cars. If I could find an address I wrote away to the car factories, and somewhere at home I’ve got pictures of all the old Vanwalls, Connaughts and BRMS. All that stuff got lost when I went on the road with The Beatles, but I’m sure it’s still in my dad’s attic.”

Such was his enthusiasm that it was a question of whether cars or guitars would dominate his life. He couldn’t afford both…he couldn’t afford either, really. because he had to borrow the £2 10 shillings he needed to buy his first guitar. Luckily for him, he opted for pop.

“By the time I got any money at all I was 17 or 18, getting a couple of quid a week from a few concerts in Liverpool. But I got so involved with rock ‘n’ roll and The Beatles – we were on our way to making records and all that – that to tell you the truth I completely lost touch with motor racing apart from watching the odd bit on TV or reading magazines.”

As the Fab Four became the world’s top pop stars, so they were able to call the tune and ease up on their stamina-sapping schedule. George found himself free to head back to the tracks once more…and in true showbiz style aimed straight for Monaco.

It was there that he met the man who helped him to step backstage of big-time motor racing – Jackie Stewart. George found an instant affinity with Stewart, not least because Jackie wore his hair long and was an outspoken critic of the established order, two keystones of the “rock revolution” of the late ‘Sixties and early ‘Seventies of which Harrison was so much a part.

George said: “Jackie did such a lot for the sport and was criticised for it. People moaned and groaned when he wore fireproof suits and talked about safety – things which are so obvious and practical now but at that time were being put down.

“Another thing was that he always projected the sport beyond just the racing enthusiasts which I think is very important.”

It is Stewart, always a big Beatles fan, who has given George an appreciation of the finer points of the racing art, often driving him around circuits – he scared the pants off Harrison at Interlagos this year – or showing him the best places to watch from “inside” of the track.

“I always enjoy the last session of the qualifying best,” says George. “Jackie taught me how to get the most from it by wandering around the circuit to watch from different places. That way you really get into how cars are handling gear ratios, the whole thing.”

The rapport between the two was vividly illustrated at the recent Gunnar Nilsson Campaign meeting at Donington, where both took part in a demonstration of classic Grand Prix cars. Afterwards, Harrison changed into jeans and sweater, while Stewart stayed in his racing overalls plus the mandatory black corduroy cap. As they walked into the royal enclosure to watch the afternoon’s racing, Stewart turned to Harrison and said: “I don’t know why I am dressed like this.” “Because you’re a twit,” came the reply.

Friends say that of the four ex-Beatles, Harrison is the one who has kept his feet closest to the ground. He seems to have retained the “love and peace” message of the flower power era and has refused to be swayed by the cynicism of the ‘Seventies.

His easy-going manner has made him a popular figure among the Formula One drivers, and he has become friendly with many of them.

“It’s obviously an advantage for me to be sort of independent,” he says. “I’m not like a spy from Ferrari or Lotus or anything like that. It’s a very nice position to be in – I am no threat to anyone so they are friendly towards me.”

His close contact with the drivers has also changed his attitude to them. Like most race fans, he has had his idols – Fangio because he was top dog in his childhood. Graham Hill because he was “a very English gentleman,” Jackie because he was Jackie and so on.

Now, there are no more heroes. “It’s difficult to single anyone out because I’m much closer to them. I mean, there’s people like Jochen Mass who might never be world champion but is such a nice person.

“But I want Jody Scheckter to be world champion this year. It would be good if Grand Prix racing was like the music business, where you can have a No. 1 hit and then get knocked off by your mate for his turn at No. 1. But unfortunately it isn’t like that. There is a point where you are just ‘ready’ to be a world champion, and if it doesn’t happen, it could be all downhill from there.

“Jody is ready – he’s got the car and the team, and mentally he’s right there. To get in the right team at the right time is almost impossible. It happens, like Mario last year – he was very fortunate in having that car.

Take Villeneuve. He’s very good but he’s still a bit young and more prone to making mistakes than Jody. He’s got a lot of years ahead of him, though. That’s why I’d like to see Jody get it now.

“Alan Jones is another one who’s ready. He’s great, he’s mature and he’s ready to win. And now he has got a really good competitive car. Maybe next year Alan Jones will be right at the head of the championship.”

Harrison is no sluggard himself. He drives a Porsche Turbo and what he calls an “old” Ferrari Dino Spyder. There are whispers about 140 mph tyre-squealing burn-ups on a 10-mile “circuit” around his incredible home – Friar Park, near Henley-on-Thames.

Certainly it is not difficult to imagine a glorious road circuit winding through the 33-acre wooded grounds. Nothing would come as a surprise after the mansion itself – a £2 million fairy palace that would do credit to Disneyland – and other amazing features of the grounds like three lakes built on different levels, a series of caves filled with distorting mirrors, model skeletons, glass grapes and hundreds of the proverbial garden gnomes…and an Alpine rock garden including a 100ft high replica of the Matterhorn!

But George though he admits he sometimes has “a spin through the woods,” insists that the burn-up stories are exaggerated: “It’s all very slow speed around the garden – you know tractors and wheelbarrows and things like that…”

He has, however, had a go at the real thing. He took his turn at the wheel of a Porsche 924 in a 24-hour run for the Nilsson campaign at Silverstone, organised by his local sports car specialists, Maltin’s of Henley.

He drove Stirling Moss’s famous Rob Walker Lotus 18 at the Nilsson’s day at Donington, where Jackie Stewart managed to frighten him yet again by blasting his Tyrrell around at full pelt at the same time.

And he has even managed to get his hands on a modern generation Formula One car. It was at Brands Hatch two years ago, the time when former world motorbike champ Barry Sheene, another good friend, was thinking of moving into car racing. Sheene took George with him when he tried out a Surtees TS19 with a view to having a crack at the British Aurora Formula One series.

It was an occasion which George remembers with more than a slight grin…

“Barry persuaded John Surtees to let me have a go. But John said: ‘He’s got no gear.’ So Barry rips off his fireproof vest and says to me ‘Here y’are, you can wear this.’ I just slipped on this sweaty old thing and borrowed John Surtee’s crash helmet. I got in the car and said: ‘I’m not going to go fast because I haven’t even walked around Brands Hatch, let alone driven round.’ So he said: ‘Oh shit, you had better get in my road car.’

“Well, we went bombing off round the track in his Mercedes and he was saying things like: ‘Keep it over to the left here, make sure the tail doesn’t flick out too much here, and so on. I was just hanging on for dear life.

“I got in the F1 car and thought ‘Now, what did he say?’ Then, while I was pulling away in the pit lane, trying not to stall it, I was thinking ‘God, it’s windy in this car.’ I hadn’t even remembered to close my visor!

“Still, it was a great feeling. Although some people have told me it wasn’t a very good Grand Prix car, believe me if you hadn’t driven one before it was fantastic. It was like, wow…those wheels just dig in round the corners.

“I didn’t go very fast. I just signed the chitty saying that if I killed myself it wasn’t John’s fault!”

George, now 36 years old, is unlikely to do a Paul Newman and turn his hand to serious racing. He is honest enough to admit he is apprehensive of the dangers.

Neither is he likely to become involved in large-scale sponsorship, despite a reputation for generosity (it is said that he once gave the landlady of his local pub three rubies for her birthday).

He has dabbled in a small way with bike racing – last year he backed Steve Parrish, who he knew through Barry Sheene, when Steve lost his works Suzuki ride. But this year he has turned down an approach for £185,000 to run a BMW M1 in the Procar series – and has no intention of following in the footsteps of Walter Wolf or Lord Hesketh by setting up his own Grand Prix team.

“What with living in England and the tax I pay, it takes a long time to get some cash anyway, and the last thing you need is just to give it away. You need too much money to do the job properly in Formula One. If I had £3 million to give away, which I haven’t, there’s probably better things to give it to than motor racing. Like the starving, for example.”

The last comment reflects Harrison’s continued commitment to the impoverished parts of countries like Bangladesh and India. All the royalties from one of his albums go into a foundation, and from there the cash is handed out to various charities.

There is a chance that in the years to come, George’s enthusiasm may rub off on his son, and we may yet see a Harrison out there on the track. After the usual parental head-scratching, George concedes that he would not stand in the way if Harrison Junior opted for cars instead of guitars – “though by that time they’ll probably be driving missiles or something.”

But for the time being at least, George will stay on the outside looking in. A weekend at the races will go on being the noisy, urgent, smelly and exciting contrast to the gardening and the meditation.

And a brief glimpse of the one public side to the private Mr. Harrison.

-  MOTOR magazine (28 July 1979)

[a-damson-in-distress]

The Protégé 3

Pairing: MadaSaku

Plot: In search of a new cellist for his prestigious orchestra, an infamously feared maestro stumbles upon a young rising star.

Note: I pray to Baby Jesus that none of you were ever in an orchestra, because I have no idea if what Madara says towards the end sounds even remotely like conductor-talk. I do still know what a bunch of the terms mean form my time as a pianist, but again, I was never in an orchestra and I have no idea if a conductor would use them this way. Also, I kind of sort of perpetuated myself in this chapter, or at least my office number lol. 3.201 is the number of my own office at university and the way Madara describes it (”all the rooms are labelled” etc) is a literal word-for-word copy of how I describe the way to my office when I’ve got people coming in for an appointment. 

And last but not least, here are the links to the pieces mentioned in the chapter: Brian Tyler - Sleight of Hand and Ludovico Einaudi - The Taranta Project . Introductio ad Regnum Tarantulae, Choros, and Taranta are my personal favourites of Einaudi’s album, but I posted a link to the entire album, because it is A.MA.ZINGGGG. If you only want to check out the three songs mentioned, you should search for the songs separately though instead of listening to the album version I posted above, because some of the recordings on the album are live versions and the studio recordings simply sound better.

I’m suuuuuuuuuuuuuper excited to hear your opinion on this chapter as well as the music. None of my friends or family like the sort of music that I incorporate in this story, so I’m incredibly excited to share these pieces with you and anyway asoiwjefoijsdf so yeah, bye.

Sakura was standing in front of the mirror in her hotel room scrutinising her seventh outfit. She was supposed to be at Mr Uchiha’s office at the New National Theatre in two hours, and she had already spent the last 45 minutes deciding what to wear. She couldn’t for the life of her come up with a decent look, since the majority of her wardrobe was very girly, all bright colours, soft lace, and flower prints. Given her fashion sense – or lack thereof, Sakura never thought that she would ever regret not owning a lot of stylish and sleek pieces. In the past, she never felt the need to buy formal and impressionable clothing, since the orchestra provided that for her whenever they were required to dress a certain way for public appearances. But now, Sakura would kill for a nice pant suit, or at least a blouse that didn’t have this person is clearly colour blind written all over it.

Groaning in frustration, the young cellist slipped out of her pastel pink dress and turned to the myriad of clothes strewn across her bed. Her gaze landed on a white shirt her friends had gifted her when she was sixteen years old, right after winning the first Grand Prize at the Rostropovitch Cello Competition. The shirt showed a picture of her instrument in the middle with the words Cello: Everyone Else Is Accompaniment below it. Sakura smiled at the memory. She loved that shirt, and she loved all of her other clothes as well. She felt most comfortable in dresses and skirts and pretty little tops with unicorns and ice cream cones and flowers on them.

But she couldn’t turn up to a meeting with one of the world’s greatest conductors looking like she burped sunshine and farted rainbows.

As she went through her pieces of clothing looking for something more mature or at least subtler, Sakura thought back to the email Mr Uchiha had sent her two weeks ago. He always seemed so poised and mature and suave, even in his correspondence. In the maestro’s presence – physical or digital – Sakura always felt like a naïve little schoolgirl asking her strict and intimidating headmaster for directions to the cafeteria. Thinking back to what she had written, she felt incredibly stupid for asking him what to do next. But then his reply came through, and Sakura couldn’t have been happier.

 Dear Ms Haruno,

at the risk of sounding smug, I have to say you made the right decision. But then again, I expected nothing less from you. As for what happens next – there’s no need to worry, I will take of everything for you. Allow me to lead the way. I am your maestro now, after all.

 Sincerely,

Madara Uchiha

 Sakura got his reply at 1:20 in the morning and naturally, she was so over the moon she didn’t get a wink of sleep that night. Luckily, the following days went by in a blur. She had to sign lots of paperwork for Kyoto Concert Hall, find a new tenant for her flat, answer a bunch of emails from a bunch of strangers from the New National Theatre, go to a total of four farewell-parties organised by her former orchestra’s musicians, and finally say goodbye to her beloved Maestro Senju.

In the meantime, Mr Uchiha had booked her a flight to Tokyo and a hotel room in which she was free to stay for a few weeks while looking for a place to live in the capital city.

Now, two weeks later, Sakura was about to sign the contract that would change her life.

But first, she needed to change her outfit.

Madara saw her walk up the grand staircase, eyes wide with wonder, soaking up the modern and sleek architecture of the New National Theatre. The architect had worked with glass a lot and had installed windows and glass walls wherever he could, so the entire building was bathed in a natural light.  Everything was understated and subtle, yet tasteful and aesthetic at the same time – all pastel colours and typical Japanese minimalism.

Amidst the rather chiselled, sophisticated, and mature look of the theatre, the young cellist stood out like a sore thumb with her bubblegum-pink hair piled on top of her head in a messy bun, her white camisole top with lace applications, and the dark-green culotte pants, which she tied above her waist with a pretty little bow.

Madara decided to give her another moment to savour the view while he retreated to his office. He glanced at his watch and noted with satisfaction that she was over-punctual. She still had fifteen minutes to spare before their scheduled meeting, which gave him another fifteen minutes to force all the inappropriate teasing he thought of when he saw her to the back of his mind. Though Madara had thoroughly enjoyed rattling Ms Haruno during their previous encounter, he had to be absolutely professional now – this time he was in his territory, after all, and he had a reputation to uphold. Namely that of a tough and relentless hard-ass conductor, who didn’t feel a thing at the sight of some young musician’s awe-struck eyes staring up at him as if he were her personal god and saviour.

The maestro took a seat at his desk, turned on his speakers, and opened the playlist he created for the upcoming tour. Clicking on the desired music file, he let the sound of Ludovico Einaudi’s Taranta envelop his office as he started jotting down notes on the corresponding sheet music.

Einaudi’s Taranta Project was one of the more experimental parts of the repertoire he was planning for the tour. Frankly, he would not have even included it if Ms Haruno had not agreed to join his ensemble. The compositions Madara chose featured a strong focus on strings, and he simply couldn’t imagine his orchestra performing such avant-garde pieces without a cellist who showed the same level of passion and eagerness to experiment as the composer himself.

The conductor was torn from his thoughts when he heard a knock on his office door. He lowered the volume of the song to a barely audible minimum and summoned her in.

Madara watched his principal cellist open the door and hesitantly step into the room. Her gaze roamed around his spacious office for a second before resting on him.

“Ms Haruno, welcome to Tokyo,” he said as he walked around his desk to approach her.

The maestro noted another blush tainting her cheeks before she stretched out her hand to shake his. “Thank you, Mr Uchiha. You have no idea how excited I am to be here.”

As he gestured for her to take a seat on the grey leather sofa, Madara heard her ask, “That was from The Taranta Project, wasn’t it? Is Einaudi going to be part of our tour programme?” Madara leaned back in the armchair to Sakura’s right and crossed one leg over the other. “That depends. How do you feel about opening with Choros?” He watched her eyes sparkle with excitement.

“I love that idea. But if you decide to perform the entire album, we could open with Introductio and just stick to Einaudi’s original order. It’s softer than Choros and would also set a better mood for Taranta. Though Choros would be more appropriate if you want to go with a darker, more mature concert.”

Madara narrowed his eyes and stared at the pinkette with a pensive gaze. How could someone so seemingly shy and unobtrusive hide so much excitement, passion, and energy? The way her eyes lit up at the mention of Einaudi’s pieces and the way she enthusiastically talked about the things she loved made Madara decide to ask her about her opinion more often. When she realised he wasn’t answering, her eyes widened in shock and she quickly clasped a hand over her mouth, before lowering it just enough to allow herself to speak. “I’m so sorry, Mr Uchiha. I didn’t mean to criticise your choices or tell you what to do. I-I just… got carried away with the excitement and everything,” she stammered, fixing her gaze on her lap before letting out a shaky breath. “I’m really nervous, in case you didn’t realise.”

The maestro studied the cellist for another moment, before murmuring, “Why are you nervous, Ms Haruno?”

She slowly raised her head again to look at him, and Madara had to actively restrain himself from staring at her teeth nervously biting her bottom lip. Instead, he watched her pull a wayward strand of hair behind her ear.

“Because… it’s you,” she breathed weakly.

Well, that piqued his interest.

“Care to elaborate, Ms Haruno?”

The young cellist turned her gaze away from him, now resting on her lap again where she was watching her fingers play with the ends of the ribbon she tied above her waist. “Well… it’s probably silly to you, but you’re… you’re sort of my favourite conductor and a huge role model and just – I don’t know, being in the same room with you freaks me out, let alone the thought of playing in your orchestra. Not – not freak out in a bad way,” she fixed him with a frantic gaze, hands waving in front of her in defence, “I’m not saying I’m so freaked out I can’t perform in your presence, just like – you know, a nervous and excited sort of freak out, the sort that makes you annoyingly self-conscious and turns you into a giant perfectionist, because you desperately want to please your idol, and so…,” Sakura let out a long sigh and turned her head away in embarrassment, before laughing anxiously, “and now I need to stop rambling. Anyway, I’m sorry if I stepped on your toes with my suggestions about Einaudi’s album.”

As soon as she stopped talking and started biting her lip again instead, Madara had to remind himself to keep calm. He found her adorable in a harmless sort of way when she was nervous and flustered, but when she was biting her lip, she instantly became a danger to his sanity and his firm conviction that hooking up with one of his orchestra’s musicians was a terrible idea.

The raven-haired conductor cleared his throat to force himself out of his inappropriate line of thought and asserted, “You have nothing to worry about, Ms Haruno. I wasn’t offended by your remarks in the slightest. To be honest, I was simply astonished at first, since none of my musicians usually dare to speak their mind or give me suggestions on anything. It was a pleasant surprise, though. I think I should ask for your opinion more often.”

The pinkette’s shoulders visibly relaxed as her lips spread into a grateful smile, and Madara noted with satisfaction that he was the put who put it there.

“Now, before you meet with our lawyer to sign the contract, I wanted to give you the chance to talk things through, answer any questions you might have. I believe you had enough time to read through it all. Was there anything you’d like to discuss with me?”

“Um, yes, actually. Though not so much about the contract per se, that was probably the most precise contract ever drafted. But um,” he watched Ms Haruno lick her lips with such a fascination as if he were witnessing the birth of Jesus Christ himself, “I did have a few questions about the repertoire and the pieces you’re considering for the tour. I noticed there were a few compositions for a string quartet with a heavy focus on the cello, even some cello solos. I was just wondering if it’s maybe a bit early for me to be featured so heavily. I am the youngest member of your ensemble, after all, with the least amount of experience. I’m basically a rookie compared to your other musicians.”

“Let me assure you, Ms Haruno, that you are by no means a rookie in my orchestra. None of my musicians think that, especially not me. And I would never assign you anything if I wasn’t absolutely certain you could rise up to it.”

The doubtful look in her eyes didn’t waver. “I believe you, and I really appreciate your confidence in me. It’s just – I’m worried that I might get off on the wrong foot with the others if I get so much attention right from the beginning. Maestro Senju didn’t give me a solo piece until I was with the orchestra for a year, and even then, some people got really jealous and upset. I just want a smooth start without any bad blood.”

Of course, Madara mused, he sensed there was a deeper reason behind her uncertainty. He knew that she knew how good she was and that she could perform those solo pieces in her sleep. Her hesitance had nothing to do with her doubting her musical prowess, but everything to do with her kind disposition, almost too kind for something so competitive and cut-throat as Japan’s classical music scene.

Madara decided then that it was good he had taken such a liking to her. The cellist was right – if she wasn’t careful, his musicians would eat her for breakfast. Lucky for her, the big bad wolf of a conductor harboured a teeny-tiny musical crush on her.

“Ms Haruno, you are the only person in my ensemble that I have personally pursued. Everybody else had to audition, but not you, because that’s just how good you are. I’m not going to leave you unnoticed in the background, that would be a waste of and insult to your talent. That being said, the tour programme isn’t finalised yet, so we can talk about changing bits and pieces, depending on how well our rehearsals go. But if I’m satisfied with your performance, you will take centre stage. And if anybody has a problem with that,” Madara was just about to finish his sentence with they can come to me but refrained from doing so when he realised how inappropriately possessive it sounded. “Then you should just be happy about the fact that older and more experienced musicians feel so threatened by someone so young. If anything, their jealousy is a compliment. Trust me, knowing you’re better than others is a great confidence boost,” the conductor added with a smug grin.

Her melodious laughter echoed through his office which only made his smirk widen. When she calmed down, the pink-haired musician started biting her lip again, this time probably to stop herself from grinning. After another moment where Madara allowed himself to simply enjoy her carefree happiness, he added with gentle encouragement, “Seriously, Ms Haruno, don’t worry about what others think of you. Our profession was and always will be highly competitive, and you will always make enemies no matter how kind you are or how many cookies you bake for your colleagues. Don’t ever allow other people’s inferiority complex to rain on your parade.” Madara looked at her intently, his eyes softening as he murmured, “You’re too good for that.”

A deep blush spread across her face, and her doe-like eyes stared up at him with that look of wonder and admiration that made him want to shower her with compliments, if only she would keep looking at him that way. If he hadn’t known any better, Madara could have sworn her gaze rested on his lips for a split second before meeting his eyes again.

The maestro had to physically force himself to look away. It got increasingly difficult to remain professional with all the adorable blushing and fidgeting. Here he was, a 39-year-old man who loved old Scotch, vintage cars, self-assured women, and everything else that was ripe and mature in this world. And yet this young naïve little thing who was so nervous she was basically shaking in his presence, staring up at him like a lost lamb looking for shelter, stirred up a protective instinct in him he never knew he had.

Change of subject, Madara reminded himself. Right fucking now.

“Was there anything else you wanted to talk about, Ms Haruno?”

Please say no, please say no, please say no, please say –

“Yes.”

Fuck.

The conductor raised an expectant eyebrow while forcing his expression to relax in an effort to mask his internal struggle. He wanted her to stay for all the wrong reasons, so he needed her to leave for all the right ones.

“About your list of rules,” Sakura started off hesitantly.

Dear God, please don’t mention rule number five.

The fingers of Madara’s right hand dug into the armrest as he prepared himself for the worst.

“There was this one part where it said that you as the conductor choose our concert outfits. I was just wondering what fabric the clothes were made of. Because Maestro Senju tried it with velvet pant suits once and we all got a horrible rash, supposedly because of some chemicals they used to dye the fabric. I know it’s silly and fabrics should be the least of your worries, but honestly, the rash was so annoying we had serious trouble concentrating on our performance. So I just wanted to make sure the clothes are… you know, normal.”

Madara released a breath he didn’t know he was holding in, and his fingers relaxed their grip on the leather of the armrest.

“I don’t know what fabric they’re made of, but I know it’s not velvet, and I know nobody has ever gotten a rash or experienced any other bad reactions. But don’t worry, everybody wears their concert outfits for the dress rehearsal, so should you feel uncomfortable in any way, we can still make adjustments before the actual concert.”

A small smile spread across her lips, and she nodded in finality. “Great, thank you. Then that would be all for my part.”

He replied with a nod of his own and stood up from his armchair. As Madara lead the cellist to his office door, he reminded her of her next appointment, “You’ll see our lawyer Mr Hatake next. He’ll go through the contract with you and answer any legal questions you might have. His office is on the third floor, in the Legal Department, room number 3.201. All the rooms are labelled and have door signs, so you really can’t miss him.”

The pinkette shot him another grateful smile. Madara offered his hand and when she took it, he gave it a reassuring squeeze.

“Welcome to the jungle, Ms Haruno.”

The conductor opened the door of his office and sent her away with a devilish grin.

“So you’re my boyfriend’s replacement, huh?”

Sakura looked up from her sheet music and was met with the face of a gorgeous blonde staring her down with a haughty look.

“Excuse me?”

Sakura took in the person in front of her and realised then she was also holding a cello case. The blonde stepped closer and took a seat right next to her.

“Shikamaru Nara. He was our principal cellist,” the musician explained while opening her case.

“Oh,” it dawned on Sakura. Of course. Some of her former orchestra’s musicians had hinted that the only reason Maestro Uchiha was able to take on a new cellist was because he kicked out the last one.

“You must hate me now, too, huh?” Sakura shot her fellow cellist a half-hearted apologetic smile.

The blonde to her left scoffed. “Why would I hate you?”

“Because I took away your boyfriend’s seat in the orchestra. You could have still played together.”

“Please,” the woman made a dismissive gesture with her hand, “that idiot was never coming back.”

Sakura looked at her incredulously and prodded, “So you don’t hate me?”

The blonde cellist shot her an amused grin, which immediately released some of the tension Sakura was feeling. “I don’t hate you, silly. It’s not like you were actively involved in getting him kicked out. And the Maestro was bound to replace him at some point. So relax, no hard feelings.”

The pinkette laughed awkwardly before offering her hand. “I’m Sakura Haruno. It’s nice to finally meet another cellist of the ensemble.”

A smile tugged on the blonde’s lips as she shook her hand. “I’m Temari Sabakuno. Welcome to Tokyo.”

“Thanks. By the way, what did you mean with your boyfriend wasn’t coming back? I assume every musician would fight tooth and nail for a place in Maestro Uchiha’s orchestra.”

“Not this idiot of a musician,” Temari scoffed while adjusting her endpin. “To be honest, we were kind of hoping to get caught. We were both tired of sneaking around, and Shikamaru was already looking for an excuse to quit. He’s not the most ambitious person, you know, so he wasn’t planning on staying much longer.”

“Why didn’t you leave with him?”

“Because unlike him, I don’t want to stare at clouds all day. I want to conquer the world,” the cellist proclaimed with a proud grin. “No but seriously, I really did want to stay. Maestro Uchiha gave us a choice – either break up and stay in the orchestra or one of us leaves. It was a no-brainer, really. I still get to do what I love with one of the world’s greatest orchestras, and Shikamaru can just chill.”

Sakura felt a smile tugging on her lips. Even though Temari was a virtual stranger, for some weird reason, she was still happy that everything worked out well for the both of them and that – most importantly – the blonde didn’t hold a grudge against Sakura.

That was at least one person in the orchestra who was nice to her so far. The pinkette’s gaze roamed around and took in the many musicians scurrying around the stage and readying themselves for the rehearsal. Some of them had introduced themselves, others only smiled and nodded in her general direction. And then there were those who didn’t even deem her worthy enough of a single glance. A part of Sakura felt shunned, and yet another – albeit smaller part – proud. As Maestro Uchiha had said, everybody else in his ensemble was so much older and so much more experienced than her. What did it say about them if they felt threatened about someone so young?

Not that she needed a lot of encouraging from her conductor – she knew she deserved her place in his orchestra – but for some reason, being praised and complimented by Maestro Uchiha felt so much better than being praised by anybody else, even her previous conductor. Sakura couldn’t wait to show his entire orchestra what she’s got and to prove to her Maestro that he made the right decision in choosing her.

The chatter suddenly quieted down as their conductor entered the stage.

Sakura noticed that her Maestro had a penchant for wearing three-piece suits in dark colours. He never failed to uphold the suave and refined appearance he was known for, though sometimes he would discard his suit jacket and roll up his sleeves for a more relaxed look, like he did for rehearsal today.

The pink-haired cellist had to remind herself not to stare too much. Her Maestro was illegally handsome, but he was still her Maestro.

He tapped his baton against his music stand twice to signal the whispering flautists to quiet down. Once he had everyone’s attention, he let his cold and calculating gaze roam through the rows of musicians who were all expectantly looking up at him. It was clear to Sakura that Maestro Uchiha demanded everyone’s undivided attention and that he had no problem commanding each and every one of this 73 musicians with nothing but silence and a good old-fashioned intimidating stare.

“Before we start with our first rehearsal for the upcoming tour, allow me to address the elephant in the room. As you all know by now, the Tokyo Metropolitan Symphony Orchestra has got a new member as of this April. Ms Sakura Haruno joined us from Kyoto Concert Hall and will fill in our vacant spot of principal cellist.”

Maestro Uchiha’s eyes rested on her for a fleeting second as he spoke her name. Gone was the teasing and relaxed conductor she talked to in his office four days ago.

This was not Mr Uchiha.

This was Maestro Uchiha.

Calculating, in control, and completely in his element.

“Now, let’s show Ms Haruno how well we can all work together. We’re starting with Brian Tyler. Everybody take out your sheet music for Sleight of Hand. Strings, I want you to remember the sudden crescendo at the beginning. Flautists, I want to hear a seamless transition from staccato to legato between the fourth and fifth bar. Once Ms Haruno begins her pizzicato in the seventeenth bar, I want the violinists pianissimo as well as Mr Uzumaki with the xylophones in the eighteenth bar.”

This was it, Sakura thought excitedly. She usually never felt such a thrill during rehearsals, only at concerts. But this was a rehearsal under Maestro Uchiha. She felt goosebumps spread across the entirety of her skin as she readied herself and her instrument. Glancing up at her new Maestro, she caught his intense gaze. He gave her the slightest hint of a smile.

And then, he raised his baton.

“From the top.”

[elwiine]

Something akin to rambling and answering questions.

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?

Probably when Nadine was still around. Back in those days.

I don’t know if I ever really sang to myself... if anything, I would sing to her. I like music, but I’ve never had the confidence to sing.

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?

If there is meaning to my existence here.

daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

I was going to say “making it out of heaven”, but in the middle of writing this I realized I did not make it out of heaven, it was not my choice to leave. I was pulled here by someone who thought I deserved a better life.

I do not know if I have accomplished anything of value.

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?

Spending time with my friend.

That was the first thing that came to mind. In the older days, playing tag with Nadine. We would race around the clouds, she would grab my ribbon and take off, sometimes passing it to Charlotte or Lasafam in a game of aerial keep-away. We laughed back then. I don’t know if I’ve seen Lasafam smile since we were young children.

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?

Maybe, or maybe not. It’s hard to say when you feel that way all the time, but with no evidence.

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?

I don’t officially have one. But I would like to travel, and I would like to be at peace, and I would like to have friends and family.

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.

A ribbon of sunlight dances in her hair. She moves like the wind, sometimes playful and loud, sometimes a gentle whisper. She’s enough to knock you over, or pick you back up on your feet. But the wind always dies down eventually. And the sun never stays during the night.

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?

Ah...  ha...

The times with my friends were good. It feels like I lived two very different lives - a happy life with them, and a terrible life with him.

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?

Miss Fiona comforts me when I’m having anxiety or flashbacks. So probably her.

Back home, I’m not sure, but I’m sure it was either one of my angel friends or him. Probably him. I didn’t like showing weakness to my friends.

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.

I would like to show my friend the stars of this world. I don’t know if he’s seen them, or looked at them closely.

Looking at the sky has always comforted me, since it’s always been my home and this sky isn’t tainted like the last one, doesn’t have any blood or tears or cigarette smoke.

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

Yes. I think that’s the best way to make a new friend. I can be shy and anxious and guarded, but when I feel like someone has a genuine interest in me as a person, my walls come down quickly.

I like to learn about other people, too. I think the myriad of different ways people can exist is beautiful and fascinating. I want to know all types of people.

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom?

... Pass.

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes?

They’re beautiful. They’re common here, but where I’m from they’re about as common as every other eye color under the sun. In fact, I don’t know if I can think of anyone with brown eyes off the top of my head, but they’re beautiful and mysterious and calming.

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.

“And there’s a whole life there, in knowing the sun exists.”

That’s one of Killian’s favorite quotes, from one of their partner’s counterpart’s work, but it has a special meaning to me also. It reminds me of Nadine and how even when she wasn’t there, and I was missing her deeply, I knew that she was out there and that she was free and that she was not under anyone’s thumb anymore.

oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far?

I wouldn’t be so bold as to write an autobiography. There wouldn’t be anything in it worth reading.

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?

One billion... I would pay off all our debts and our loved ones’ debts, buy a comfortable house on a lake with a boat for the others to enjoy, save enough to live comfortably and donate the rest.

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

It depends.

I didn’t forgive Nadine for running away. I thought that even though it was terrible, at least we had each other, and she was a traitor for trying to escape. At the same time I did, because I didn’t want her to suffer. I didn’t want anyone to suffer, but I thought maybe if we suffered together it wouldn’t be as bad.

I don’t like being that way. I’m fully glad she escaped now. And I’m glad she did whatever she did to bring me here, too. I only weep for those who were left behind.

There are some people I will never forgive.

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.

No... no thanks.

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

Pastel.

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.

The thought of them gives me anxiety. I don’t like pain, and there’s an instinctive fear of changing my body.

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.

“Be kind to each other.”

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.

I haven’t been to a concert. There were sometimes choirs in heaven, but they never made me feel anything except sadness and a deep longing.

grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?

Right now, perhaps I would like to receive a letter from Taffy, Olive, Charlotte, Lasafam, Egmont, or Rosemary, telling me that everything back home is all right and that he is gone for good.

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?

I have a table in my room in the headspace. It has lots of books on it, and it’s not very organized but in a way that looks nice. A sort of organized chaos.

white bed sheets: what is your night time routine?

I don’t look at the stars every night, but it’s comforting to be able to look up at the sky whenever I want. Sometimes I even fall asleep on the roof in the headspace.

I like being covered in blankets, too. The angels used to sleep in a big pile sometimes, so it’s soothing.

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?

I don’t really have parents.

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?

I like my hair the way it is. I wish I could dye and style the body’s hair the same way, but that’s too specific and would only really mean something when I’m around.

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?

Nadine, Lasafam, Egmont, Rosemary, and Charlotte... just like the old days. Maybe we could go to a good city in this world, like New York or San Francisco. I would love to show them, especially since no one but Nadine has made it here.

11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them.

I’d say they’re the same as my bucket list, and the reasoning should be obvious... I just want to be calm and happy.

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.

We angels didn’t celebrate Halloween, but if we did I’m sure Nadine and I would have confused everyone by going as each other.

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?

I don’t think I’ve ever been.

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?

Go back to that world.

storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?

Only listen to one song. Music means a lot to me, but people mean more, and I could never leave anyone behind. I didn’t...

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love.

I have always wanted to be in love. Back home, I read romance novels on the rare occasion Egmont would go out of his way to get them for me. Yet I know too well that life will never be that way, that things won’t go picture perfect, that nothing will be written in stone before my eyes. Maybe that’s frightening, and maybe it’s exciting.

I think it would be something like hunger or thirst, but much stronger, much more potent. A feeling that every part of your body and soul is relaxed and happy and peaceful. A strong desire and a strong satisfaction at the same time. These are things I have picked up from sharing a mind with people who are deeply in love.

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

Stability.

[tetrakys]

Trois Allumettes - Chapter 7

“What the hell is he doing here?” a menacing voice said from behind my back.

Castiel interrupted the pretty serious conversation I was having with Nathaniel. Damn… maybe this time he would have finally started to open up and tell what was wrong with him. Or probably not. Horrible timing, both of them. I didn’t have time for this now, we were in the middle of the Art department party that I had organised (with the help of Hyun and Nina). Not only the university’s funding was at stake here… my studies and my future career too!

“Are you ok, Candy?”

“Yeah, there’s nothing…”

“Why are you hanging out with my sister? Don’t you have enough groupies to get in the sack with every night? Beat it, and stay away from her.” Now Nath too was raising his voice, what a terrible situation. We were in the café’s kitchen, which wasn’t exactly sound proof. I had to stop this before it escalated any further.

“It’s more like you are the one with that kind of reputation. No, it doesn’t seem like Candy is ok, and I know you, there’s no way I’m leaving her alone with you, you’re going…”

“ENOUGH! Shut up! I’m old enough to know what I’m doing. And I’m tired of your constant, unfounded arguing! I thought we were done with all that once we got out of high school!” I was really mad now.

“High school was over an eternity ago” Castiel replied unimpressed, ”aren’t you tired of bringing it up over and over again?! We didn’t wait around for you to get a life!”

“I know, I get it, the two of you made that clear enough to me since I’ve been back! Now I’m trying to get things back on track. Enough Castiel with that way of talking to me, I’m not a 15-year old girl at one of your concerts.” It was really time to make things clear once and for all. “And you, Nathaniel, come back to see me when you really have things to tell me. I’m fed up with both of you. Tonight this party is important for me and for my studies and there’s no way you’re spoiling it. So shut up or carry on your little conversation somewhere other than here.”

I turned around to leave and found someone else in the room. Lysander was leaning against the wall right next to the exit, arms crossed and a dark expression on his face. He looked coldly at Nath and Castiel and, without saying a word, he took my hand and led me out of the kitchen, slamming the door behind us. Several heads turned but he didn’t stop and led me outside, in the alley close by.  

Once there, we leaned against the wall and spent a few moments in silence. I tried to wrap my head around what just happened.

“Wow… I don’t think I’ve ever been so honest with those two. I’m practically sure they’re not about to talk to me again… But I’m fed up with playing these stupid games. We are adults, geez!”

I took a big breath, closed my ayes and counted to five. My hand was still in his and I slowly felt myself relax. “Thank you.”

“You have no reason to thank me, I did nothing. You were quite capable to defend yourself, I’m sorry I interfered in the end.”

“Well, thank you for taking me here. I needed a moment to cool down.”

“This is an important night for you, nothing and no one should upset you.”

I could tell he was angry himself and I wasn’t totally sure why. The way those two had acted was really inappropriate and I had all the reasons to tell them off, but the way he had looked at Castiel and Nathaniel… and it wasn’t the first time he had acted coldly towards them, also that time on the beach… could it be that… maybe… he was a little jealous? He had asked me if Castiel and I had ever been together. I felt myself blush a little. No… It couldn’t be… he didn’t like me. Did he? Did I want him to like me? Well… I didn’t hate the idea, that was certain. Did I… like him?

“Thank you for inviting me Candy, you did an amazing job.” His thumb caressed the hand he was still holding. “The party is a success and I am sure the department will get several new donors thanks to you.” He gently let my hand go and moved a step away. “I am going to go now. Good night.”

I watched him leave towards the university campus. It wasn’t the right moment to think about all this, the night wasn’t over yet. I turned around and went back to the party.

 ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 It was almost 2am when I left the party. The night wasn’t particularly cold, and I felt like taking a short walk to unwind before going to bed. Instead of walking towards the university I turned in the opposite direction and found myself in front of my old high school. Dear old Sweet Amoris… it had been a while, four whole years. Even though this evening someone had accused me of having never really put it behind me. Was there some truth in those words? Maybe I should find out.

I looked at the empty street, no one was around. Approached the school gates, I started walking around the perimeter. Thanks to having been locked in the building once, I knew very well there was a particular spot were the walls were slightly shorter. I quickly found it exactly where I remembered and weighted my options. I could walk back, go to bed and forget about it, or… I could take a walk down memory lane.

What the hell… I pushed myself and with a calculated jump I landed on the other side of the wall. Wow… those excruciating gym sessions with Kim were finally paying off.

Looking around the area I recognised the gardening club. It was a little different from what I remembered, there were new plants here and there and a tree in the spot where once I had found a box addressed at one of my school-mates. It wasn’t a pretty story, she was being bullied and the box was full of pictures of her semi-naked. School hadn’t been all fun and games.

I walked around the building to the main doors. I pushed without much hope but… they actually opened! What were the odds? I quickly slipped between the doors and closed them at my back, not wanting anyone to notice me from the street. Luckily the place was lighted buy the moonlight coming from the big windows, so it was easy to watch my steps.

Well… this felt strange and familiar at the same time. I walked along the corridor, stopping to look inside a few classrooms here and there. On one side it almost felt like I had never left, everything was exactly how I remembered. On the other… I knew that something was off. I went upstairs to look around the art classroom. Whether I liked it or not I owed a lot to this place. Patrick, the art teacher, had really inspired me.

The classroom was still coloured and messy, just like four years ago. I smiled to myself knowing I had taken the right decision. I was studying what I loved. After the past few stressful weeks, I now finally knew that everything was going to be alright. This school and the people I met here… had been important but were not the reason why now I was happy. Those days had indeed been happy ones yes, but I wasn’t living in the past. I was looking forward to my future. When I was in high school I always felt like I was missing something… I didn’t know what it was, but I knew that I didn’t feel like that anymore.

I was about to leave the room when I heard a voice at my back “I am going to the gym, do you want to come with me?”

What the… I turned around, my heart in my throat. Someone was sitting in the darker corner of the classroom. A boy. He got up and walked towards me.

“I am sorry, I didn’t know someone was here…”

The words died on my tongue when I finally recognised him, the moonlight illuminating his face and those eyes… eyes that by now I knew better than my own.

“Lys…” I said, my voice shaking.

“I have been waiting for you. What took you so long?” he said coming even closer.

Was it really him? Yes, it was Lysander, no doubt about that. But there was something different about him… he was a little shorter and his face slightly rounder and smoother. He looked younger, 17 or 18 years old… exactly what he would have looked like in high school.

“I’m happy you came. This place feels empty without you.” He smiled, a sad smile “I missed you.”

“M-Me to…”

“I would really like to kiss you…”

I was feeling dizzy and apparently didn’t remember how to move or talk, so I simply nodded. With one last step he reduced the distance between us and, taking my hands in his, with a final smouldering look, his lips were on mine. His kiss started slow and sweet and I knew I was finally home. Soon though it became something different, passion and intent mixed up in something I had never felt before. None of the kisses I had given in the past had affected me a fraction of what I was feeling right now.

“Where have you been all this time” I whispered finally coming up for air.

“Right here” said a voice at my back, his arms circling my waist. No surprise, I knew perfectly well who he was. I bent my neck to give him access, and Lysander, the older one, the one I had met on campus just a few months ago, started kissing along the curve of my neck towards my ear. Meanwhile his younger counterpart took again my lips with his.

It was an explosion of sensations. High school Lysander unbuttoned my shirt, while university-Lys pushed it from my shoulders to the ground. I turned around, put my arms around his neck and kissed him with ardour, our tongues caressing each other. Holding my thighs, he pulled me from the ground and I crossed my legs behind his back.

Behind me, younger Lys moved my hair from my back and, with small kisses along my spine, unlocked my bra which I let fall without a second thought. He put his hands on my arms, caressing lightly, sending shivers running through me and, pushing slightly to let my back rest on his shoulder, he took one nipple between his lips.

At the same time, older Lys seemed to have exactly same idea. His tongue made a path along my other breast and a low moan escaped my lips when he sucked it into his mouth.

“Oh my God…” I whispered arching my back, it was too much, my skin was burning and I just needed to…

  “W-what’s… Where am I?”

I got up with a start, in the pitch dark of my room. I looked for the light on my nightstand before finding the light switch.

Was it… a dream?! I was all sweaty. The sheets were damp and I realised that I was burning up, still dressed in my gala outfit, my shoes still on my feet. It was just a dream. My hands still shaking, and I couldn’t calm myself down. I got up immediately to go to the bathroom. It seemed so… real. I was even short of breath still. I ran my hands and face under ice-cold water.  I… Hahaha, was crazy!

I got undressed and ended up opting for a few minutes in an ice-cold shower to calm me down. What got into me… Lysander… two Lysanders? All those comments about me not moving on from high school had really got to me. But it seemed so real… and that young version of Lys felt so familiar. I almost felt like looking through my yearbook to check if he really hadn’t attended Sweet Amoris. But it was crazy, I knew it wasn’t the case, I would have definitely noticed him. Still… I almost felt a little sad at the thought.

I went back to my bed, still in shock from when I woke up. I finally fell back to sleep, after tossing and turning for a while. This time I slept deeply, in a dreamless sleep.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////

Back to Chapter 6

Go to Chapter 8

[outerspacehippiehay]

Answer all of those aesthetic questions. If you don't have that determination answer your favorite ones!

Thanks bestie I need this right niow, just like you did flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself? Now, listening to This is Gospel rnfairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know? Oh God....Who am I destined to be with... daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life? Um...I’m 22 my greatest accomplishment is getting out of bed for work.1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? I need to really think...No. I wouldn’t because whatever reason I’m going to die was since I had no knowledge. If i start acting all crazy and rebellious I could die sooner.black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things? It’s not real but I can come up with three. One: Travel to a different country. Two: Learn to love myself Three: Make a difference.pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail. I’m not rreally a close person but if I were to choose anyone it would be my best friend. She and I have been friends for oh so long and I go to her for everything. She likes to dye her hair but its naturally a beautiful chestnut brown that flows off her shoulders by an inch. Her eyes are not even a normal color either. They are yellow like a cat with a tint of auburn to add soft tones of a sunset sky. In the middle bottom of her squishable face are some plump creamy pink lips. Sorta jealous since mine are so thin ughmoodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood? HAHAHAHAHA what is that? Because I had to question my own sanity when I went over friends houses and seeing the difference between brothers and sisters and asking myself what happens between my sister and I isn’t normal? This doesnt happen to others?stars: when did you last cry in front of another person? Today...In a restaurant... I AM NOT A CRY BABYplants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them. Yeah my best friend @stranded-ali3nconverse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them? This i struggle with man because I need counseling and yet I don’t wanna go to a stranger and open up to them. So... NO!lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you? Probably Andrew seeing as he’s my only friend up that late xD but its always a great conversation. Thanks brother!!!handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom? WHY SO DEEP? “Thank you mom, thank you for everything and I love you and my brother with all my heart and forever will be with you” cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes? Did you read the description of my best friends eyes? I believe my boyfriend has brown eyes. So they cute.sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally. “This isn’t even my final form” I heard it from a friend and discovered it was from Dragon  Ball Z but I fell in  love with it. I am me but I’m still changing I’m still growing. You haven’t even seen what I can fully do yet. All such empowering thoughts.oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far? “Sad Stoned and Stupid.overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars? Buy my mother, brother and I the ranch we have our eyes on.combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way? Yes I can be very forgiving in situations however in rare cases I may not forgive ever, No I don’t like it because obviously people walk all over me for it.winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self. Right now on this? Ugh no thanks. 12 year old me stay away from brad, joe, and miranda i dont give a fuck it’s your sister just do it! Stand up for yourself. Put your foot down and keep saying No. pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel? Pastel with dash of punktattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain. Well I love them and have one sooooooo, I do because it is a form of art. That you can show off like in museums except they are on your body. piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not? Depends on the day but mostly I wear makeup to feel prettier to myself. I hide my dark circles and my pimples as if no one else deals with them. bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way. All music has effected me. Mostly in a positive way. If I had to choose one it would be Evanescence, As an alternative kid I would listen to them because I related to the deepness from her lyrics and loved the classical sound with inspiring lyrics. Helped me feel less alone in this huge world full of mirrors.messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them. “Just be nice and considerate and NEW ENGLAND USE YOUR GOD DAMN BLINKERS”cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel. Alan Jackson as a child it was my first one and it was great. I went with my dad and thats all I really remember except for they had 5oclock somewhere buttons i wanted. I went to Shinedown with my step dad and I wasnt supposed to go it was my mom that was but she gave her ticket up for me. Thanks mom that really was an amazing acoustic concert filled with personal and raw emotions.  grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?A letter? No one does that anymore. But if I wanted to recieve one it would be from Chris and that he changed his ways has a steady job and is taking care of his child. No more gang shit and actually making hs life better and all cause I stopped talking to him did it slap him in the face. So he wanted to thank me for that.space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised? I have an area for work yes and usually it’s not organized because of other so I organize it because I can’t stand a mess at work. white bed sheets: what is your night time routine? Get high and then sleep.old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know? I don’t want my dad to know I like girls... I don’t wanna see his reaction. My mom.. probably who I had sex with.beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why? Ouff! I want black hair!!!! But I know it kills it! I do enjoy my curls but I’d defrizz them and probably go to a deep dark maroon color.eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do? I’m too high and drunk for this question NEXT11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them. I feel like the letter one is a wish sooo two. I wish my mom happiness she deserves it. Three I had natural beauty.painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up. I mean I put together a decent Alice in Wonderland costume seeing as I won best costume for it. lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high? I really don’t do anything too bad. I guess peeing in my garbage so I wouldn’t need to leave my bedroom?thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars? Kill someonestorms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why? One song. Freaky Friday by Lil Dicky.. It always make me smile because it’s so funny! Also I need people more than music as odd as it is to admit. I can’t choose one person. love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love. Yes I have and I don’t wanna go there because he don’t love me back and that is all I wanna talk about.clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone? I don’t go often but I love that dragonfruit tea they had/have?? And anyone it’s a pretty simple order if you can’t get it right then you are really stupid.marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now? My mom and brother.fin.