#and yet he is genuinely interesting to think about and unpack

[arrimorr]

Im so unwell about Anya's pregnancy not being mentioned EVEN ONCE during post crash segments where we play as Jimmy. He talks so much about taking responsibility by the end of the game and yet the only person he takes it for in his own twisted way is Curly. Anya's lifeless body doesn't get even a single comment from him

[sehya]

✧˖°. ࣪𖤐 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐓𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐞𝐫

✉ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛɪᴛʟᴇ ꜱᴀʏꜱ.

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫(𝐬): 𝐋𝐮𝐜𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐫 𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫 × 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

Loneliness has accompanied Lucifer for years. Year after another, his company was filled with inanimate objects with neither the ability to speak, move or feel. While he could manipulate the actions of the objects, it doesn’t change the fact that he has no real company to speak of.

So it felt strange when there was suddenly someone sitting on the same table set up for a tea party that he normally shares with just a group of rubber ducks.

The feeling was….phenomenal.

Lucifer doesn’t even know why you’re tolerating his ramblings. He wonders if it’s out of politeness, but he dismissed the idea halfway upon witnessing the way your eyes shine with interest, the way your eyebrows moved depending on what he’s talking about and the small smile hanging firmly on your delicate face. He has your full attention and for Lucifer, he feels happy being the sole focus of your attentiveness. Heck, he’d take your hums and nods over other people’s company.

“You know…” Lucifer smiled, cheek resting on his palm as he leaned against the table with eyes never leaving yours even for a second. “I have to thank you for helping me pack. It’d be a totally boring process without you.”

Your eyes softened, placing down the tea cup slowly before you reach out and held his hand, smiling. “Anything for you.”

Lucifer grin and giggled, completely enamoured with your kindness and understanding. It took so much from him to let go of his hesitations and apprehensions, too scared to enter yet another relationship after his heart suffered from the first. Now, however, he was glad he did.

You’re like the brightest of star that burned down his walls and willingly fell in his hands, melting his heart and mending it anew. Lucifer loves the fact that you don’t mind his too much chatter, and even more when you listened with such genuine interest.

“I mostly stayed here, so the things in my room isn’t as much as the things in here. I hope you don’t mind helping me out in unpacking, too. I mean…If that’s alright with you, ahaha. I don’t want to take up too much of your time just in case you have something to do.”

That's a lie.

If he could, Lucifer would like──no, he would love to have all the time you could possibly give him.

“Oh, right, before I forgot. Remember when you mentioned about the duckies that looks like us, wellllll…” Lucifer stood up, and without letting for of your hand, he summoned a box and placed it in front of you, opening it with an excited grin. “Ta-da!~ A personally made ones by the hands of the big boss of hell. Ah-hm, what do you think?”

Lucifer watched with a touch of nervousness despite the big grin on his face as your eyes widened, staring at the pair of rubber ducks that has obvious traits to you both.

Then he saw your face erupted in red. Your eyes were staring at his gift. “You…really made it?”

It was just a random comment.

Lucifer giggled, “I made it for you.”

“You made it for me.” You whispered, feeling extremely touched. “You mean…these are for me? I can keep them both?”

Lucifer saw your eyes brightened, picking up the rubber duck that looks like him with such gentleness, as though it’s made of porcelain that could easily break. His breath hitched when you turned to him, then back to the rubber duck, then back at him, then you smiled at him.

“Lucifer…”

“Yes?” he answered hoarsely upon noticing your eyes goes lower. He somehow has an inkling what you’re going say.

“Can I kiss you?”

Lucifer grinned, he was right. Licking his lips in anticipation, he answered. “I, yeah, of course. You always can.”

With a smile, Lucifer felt your gentle hand on his face as you stood up to capture his lips in a gentle kiss before pulling away, smiling softly as you ask. “They look amazing, our little figurines. I'd like to hear their little quirks, I'm sure you did something like that back-flipping one that spits fire. Can you tell me about it?”

Lucifer was put in a daydream by your kiss, but upon hearing your words, his eyes lit up as held the hand on his cheek, squeezing it a bit. “Oh boy, how’d you know I did a little something? You’re in for a lot of talking, because trust me, these two have lotsss of amazing little quirks. Be ready to waste your time on listening to my chitter-chatter.”

The rise in the corner of your lips was enough to tell Lucifer you don’t mind and that you’ll spent however much time needed just to listen to everything he wants to say, and that, for Lucifer, is something he would forever be thankful for.

✧˖°. ࣪𖤐 𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫

✉ Hope you enjoyed ᥫ᭡

[anxious-witch]

Jesus fucking christ. This post by @bluebugjay made me realize something. Something that kept bothering me about Charles' inital reaction to Edwin's confession.

He laughs briefly and says "Oh, I get it. It's like one of those Orpheus and Eurydice moments". I was so focused on the fact they made that metaphor within the Sandman universe than I missed a glaring, obvious bit. Charles laughed. That is not a reaction of someone who believes the other person. He thought it was a joke. He thought Edwin was just making a reference, not actually confessing. And he keeps that up until Edwin says "Charles, I'm quite serious". Then his face turns serious as the realization of this being real sinks in.

And I am completely baffled. Awestruck. And based on referenced post above, I think we can conclude Charles genuinely thought Edwin was above that. Above feelings of the romantic kind.

Let's rewind. Edwin, who never showed any interest in anyone for over 30 years, who scoffed at the prospect of Charles liking Crystal. Charles didn't register it as romantic jealousy, because he didn't think Edwin could feel that.

I wonder if he heard of how Edwin died, of how they called him Mary Ann, and correctly clocked Edwin was gay. Maybe he assumed Edwin had forsaken romance completely due to trauma?

But-but the Cat King! Charles was jealous of the Cat King! And he clearly flirted with Edwin!

Yes, indeed. But Charles never sees that Edwin responds to it. Edwin's relegation of his attraction to the Cat King happens when Charles isn't around. Perhaps Charles subconsciously knows, hence his insistence for Edwin to tell him, but he isn't sure. He just knows he and Edwin made a deal and that Edwin is acting odd. Nothing else.

When Monty comes along, we can see Charles is jealous. And he doesn't seem surprised when he thinks Edwin is talking about liking Monty. "You could have told me you like him". Yet, we clearly see it bothers him, even if he doesn't directly protest.

Then it clicked for me. Is this not exactly how one would act if they thought they had no chance of someone liking them for years and then finding out they like someone else??

No wonder Charles can't say he is in love with him back while they are on the stairs! If we assume that on top of all his issues with his dad and growing up in the 80s, he assumed Edwin would never wish to return anyone's romantic feelings, including Charles, it would be so difficult to shift into a mindset where that is a possibility!

Neither of these idiots were ever truly vulnerable with each other! Charles doesn't have feelings for Edwin because he pushed any possibility away. Not to mention then liking Crystal and knowing that whole situation is not yet resolved. He must have been so confused. No wonder he needs time to unpack all that, after belief he held for decades had been shattered in such a short period of time

[nilboxes]

I didn't know who to say this too but i was about to explode thinking about this and you are one of the few people in hsr fandom that i trust to understand ratio so my apologies to be dumping this on you all of a sudden but... I think Ratio's technique is so interesting in a way and speaks more about him than people give it credit for. Like...creating a fake version of himself that aggros the enemy is already very meta of how hsr fandom tends to see him, esp with the number of people that started hating him after that "betrayal" scene in 2.1 xD And it makes me wonder about his voiceline where he says something like "im fine with showing my true self if it helps me teach students/cures patients but i find that doing so is counterproductive most of the time"...wdym "true self" sir...and why are your character details completely devoid of any details from your own pov...and why do you get so evasive when anyone tries to ask about your past (going by that one interview when someone asked him what he was like as a child and he's just like "what a silly question, i was a normal boy")...it seems to me the princess is hiding something...

Thank you for your ask OP! It's really interesting to think about your question, and I'm humbled by your trust! I hope whatever I cook can satisfy you in some way. It's going to be a bit long!!

Let's start by saying I do operate under the belief that we know a lot about Dr Ratio and at the same time we only know what he wants us to know, which I find incredibly interesting to his character.

It can go many different ways. A lot of people use this mysteriousness to hint at the following:

1. something sinister (I am not necessarily saying you are doing this)

2. suggesting that he is more than who he is, like he may be more than who he presents to be (may or may not be evil in alignment but just more)

3. he really just thinks divulging further personal information about him is pointless and he values his privacy as an individual rather than a prominent figure

Let me now unpack the most wrongest [sic] take, number 1, which I find to be antithetical to his character, because Dr Ratio has always been aligned with doing good. He isn't your typical good person, but he is morally pushing for good (eradication of ignorance, people finding and reaching their potential etc), and he rather he reminds me of a very stern but nonetheless kind educator who genuinely demands good be brought into the world through one's aptitude and ability (just like himself) and not relying on others to solve problems for you

Number 2 is a little tricky, since we cannot really confirm nor deny that Ratio is no longer truly following Nous after he realizes he will never be acknowledged, he may be aligned to another Aeon or none entirely! I personally dislike the Mythus/Fictionologist take, because again it is antithetical to who he is as a character. Fictionologists will rewrite history and twists facts in order to create the possibility of uncovering more, but this is akin to something called accelerationism, which is in plain words to incite chaos (bad) in the slim chances that from the chaos a great good might emerge/ be produced/discovered etc, a practice and ideology I feel Dr Ratio as he is characterized now would be extremely against. Now I do subscribe to the fact that Dr Ratio may not be following an Aeon at all or we aren't privy to who they are yet, but this is a possibility that there is a facet to Dr Ratio we have not seen yet and will down the line so...

Number 3 is where I am at now, I really, genuinely think Dr Ratio just thinks of himself as some guy who was gifted with the equivalent of 8 genius brains but it isn't anything exceptional. From how he acts, he feels like some guy who had a rather normal childhood (if not really lonely, which I talk about in my twitter thread here) and grew up to be exceptional except in all the ways he wanted/was taught to want/thought he might want.

So I operate on several headcanons about Ratio just genuinely being so smart in a planet that is presumably the remnants of the civilization in the Laurel Wreath Galaxy where a Philosopher King/Philosopher Union was mentioned. This headcanon is heavily colored by this excellent theory a fellow fan made and I have to admit I can scarcely distinguish between mine and theirs while I turn him around in my brain so do give them/their thread a read too when you can, but I do also subscribe to how Ratio must have been exceptional in a civilization that prizes scholarship and enlightenment.

Knowing this, I presume he grew up with a lot of expectations placed upon him, particularly that of gaining the gaze or glance of Nous and ascending as a genius society member or more! That is a lot to place on an individual, especially someone like Ratio who is very much hinted to have grown up very fast due to his vast knowledge and while it's a stretch to say he was forced into growing up fast, because he def wasn't, he was nevertheless seemingly not really given much opportunities to be a child, as the push for him to start university very early could suggest that his aptitude and potential were so valued that it overridden any other needs he may have. If we wanted to ask about his childhood, he would have very dull things to say too, so to speak. I imagine it wasn't eventful at all, but filled with just studies.

Where am I going with this about his statues? They are called Mold of Idolatry! Idolatry meaning the extreme adoration or love of someone. That Dr Ratio makes the statues of himself never seems like the narcissistic sort, that would imply he holds himself in an extremely high regard to the detriment of others, but Dr Ratio isn't narcissistic, he would be a vastly different character if he was. The key to narcissism is that there is a great need, to the point of detriment, for admiration.

Now, look over to how Dr Ratio presents himself to us in his 1.6 quests. He wears his plaster head as not to be recognized by others, to remain incognito if you will, and is content to sit at the sidelines nudging things along in the background rather than swoop in and take the credit as the hero when Duke Inferno was trying to wreak havoc on the Space Station. His heroic deeds are never realized by the people he saved from being spaced, that is not an action of a narcissistic man who would gloat about saving other people. No, he sees his job is done and he walks away without fanfare, without even so much as seeking a thank you from the people he saved. That's one of the clearest and most well-thought of character introductions/demonstrations in the game and a solid proof that he isn't a narcissist (again self-centeredness is different!)

With that in mind, what does the statue imply?

Dr Ratio operates by redirecting attention not to himself so he can freely move in the background. That it looks like him in funny poses speaks to a silliness I feel he never really gets a chance to let loose too often, so his "art" is his outlet. That it directs enemies to attack that instead of him, I can't help but feel like there's a sense of "look at this 'image of me' others have built up, pour your love/expectations/wants/aspirations (and the extreme opposite of that maybe?) to that likeness of me instead, and let me be free from that to be who I could be without all of that baggage"

tl;dr -- it's not that deep but it is?? I feel like Ratio just wants to be left alone to do his thing and that's what the Mold of Idolatry represents.

I hope that satisfies you, anon! Thank you for your question, since I do have more insights to Dr Ratio now. I think I'll also find a way to condense this into a Twitter thread sometime.

[evilwickedme]

This wasn't asked for because nobody in their right mind would ask for this but this is a fic rec list of fics I cannot stop rereading

Just started yet another reread of Inimitable Verse by deniigiq and I fully plan on rereading their into the multiverse series which occasionally crosses over also - this is a Spider-Man/team red focused series, think comics canon infused early mcu-spidey since only homecoming had come out for a non substantial amount of time they were working on the series and the daredevil stuff is explicitly tv show AND comics. Also the multiverse series is how I got into Murderdock and therefore how I got into Spider Gwen

Unpretty's Sorrowful And Immaculate Hearts series which is just a loosely interconnected series of DC fics. My personal favorites are Empty Graves, in which Martha Kent keeps killing time travelers trying to kill baby! Clark; any of their clois fics but especially Third Wheel; and Anti-Social, which is a social media fic mostly about Tim and Bruce that made me cry laughing. Catch Bruce trying to get Walmart's employees to unionize. Also shout out to unpretty's only fic with Jason in it, it looks awesome but is tragically incomplete

This particular Reverse Robin AU which put in the work to reverse every single younger generation and is chef's kiss I LOVE this version of Tim he's wild

Both of Shoalsea's fics are in constant rotation for me I talk about Into The Brighter Night all the time in the tags of reblogs and stuff it truly lives in my head rent free. Anyway Tim gets kidnapped by aliens and the batfam have to watch as yj98 saves him and it's angsty and funny and such a good take on what could have been if the new 52 hadn't happened. And Compassion Builds No House is about Tim and Pru from Red Robin. Ugh they're both so good

Speaking of Clois (I did you've just forgotten this by now) brilliant (like a confession) by kathkin (penny-anna on the hellsite) is so fucking good I'm. Okay. Anyway it'll be listed as inspiration if/when I finally post my two person love triangle fic for them

I'm too anxious to catch up on this before it's done but jumble sale chic is hands down the best spideydevil fic series despite and because of the omegaverse

Make A Little Birdhouse In Your Soul is my favorite take on Jason, period, and has a lot of fantastic Damian stuff going on too. It's updating every few weeks still! Sometimes more often! I love you bacondoughnut it's me JustGail the person who will not stop commenting on your fic you're stuck with me forever

I lied above Rumspringa Murderdock is what got me into Murderdock but that series is second place. I found this one while scrolling through the tv show's mattfoggy tag, thinking I was safe

Speaking of Murderdock mattfoggy, The Lawyer All the Wickedness was written early on in spider-gwen's history and so diverges from canon really early in ways that I think are super interesting and creative

Oh also straight on 'til morning by merils (Tumblr url mamawasatesttube) does SUCH a great job unpacking Kon's trauma and building up healthy relationships around him including a budding timkon romance and yeah it makes me sad and happy at the same time

We're getting into poisonivory territory so just trust if you like the pairing and poisonivory is writing it you'll like it. Ok rapidfire

Like A Handprint On My Heart mattfoggy soulmate au with a twist

Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow? Damijon future fic/au. Jon came back from the future when both of them were 19. Demisexual!Damian at its best. Damian's terrified of being abandoned by Jon again and it made my heart hurt

I feel like I've already recommended every JayRoy fic by poisonivory and genuinely I do reread them all, sometimes in order of publication if I'm in a particular mood. Maybe the one I've read most though is I've Got the Feeling You're the Right Thing After All which is about Roy and Jason starting a fwb thing while Roy still harbors old feelings for Dick. Can't see anything going wrong here lmao

Mmm this post is long enough so I'll leave it at just superhero fic for now but I do in fact have the ability to do a whole post just for the Witcher or Leverage so I might do that. Anyway thanks for following me on yet another burst of insanity it will happen again

[stagefoureddiediaz]

so do you think if buck and tommy don't break up in episode 6 that they're gonna be breaking up the next time tommy appears which would be in 9 or 10 and it'll be a mutual/amicable break up because of Buck realizing his feelings for Eddie?

Hey Nonnie

Why would they be breaking up in episode 6???

That’s never been a thing that would happen.

There are two options at play her really - the first is that they will come to some kind of natural conclusion in episode 9 or 10.

Or the second option is that they’ll end the season together and will end some time early in season 8.

Either way it may or may not have to do with a buck feelings realisation - neither get in the way of buddie if that is what you’re worried about. All the chess pieces are moving into place nicely - Eddie still has a way to go on his journey - he has a lot to work through and isn’t ready for Buck at all yet and the show is dropping anvils that that’s where they’re going with his arc - we just don’t have a timeline yet.

Buck getting to be happy and have a good relationship for a period - while he discovers more about himself and while Eddie does that work on himself is no bad thing. Buck will also get to grow and learn - and get to a place where he is also ready for Eddie - for forever. Because as things stand right now - I don’t think Buck would handle a feelings realisation well at all - in fact I think it would be detrimental to buddie. For starters buck doesn’t really know how to have a healthy relationship - all of his have been some level of toxic. Secondly, tying bucks newly awakened queer identity to his feelings for Eddie in that way - so quickly - would potentially send buck spiralling at this moment in time in an unhealthy way- slowly figuring it out over time as he dates Tommy is a much more interesting narrative - and plays into why they’ve chosen to have Tommy be such an obvious version of Eddie - we the audience know and can see what’s going on but oblivious buck (being true to character and being oblivious!) slowly connecting the dots - in a way that frustrates the audience - the pay off for us is far more satisfying - and it’s a more realistic story and more ground breaking for a queer love story on network television!

We don’t want them to rush together because buddie is end game - the last relationship either will ever have - so then getting to a great place individually before they start something is really great and really important.

Plus don’t forget this cat and mouse type narrative is fun too - buck fell first but didn’t realise - Eddie fell harder but didn’t realise until he got shot - then Eddie had to hide it - then he had a grief spiral ,Buck in a coma) - then he got so good at keeping it buried he started dating Marisol - at which point Buck had an almost epiphany but has mistaken it for Tommy rather than Eddie.

Eddie who is now unpacking the bit of himself that will allow him to actually embrace his queer identity. Eddie who panicked - asked Marisol to move in with him when he realised Buck was single again - then decided to only back track a bit rather than ending things when he realised Buck wasn’t in fact single and was also bi and now dating Tommy - because being single and alone when the man you’ve been in love with for so long is no longer single and is now actually in a relationship with a man - that means he was an option is not a fun place to be - so staying in a relationship that’s meh but ok is preferable to him.

Basically - the show seems to be setting this up for a full arc in 8a, leading to buddie canon. I genuinely at this point don’t think they’re doing to have any form of Eddie actually stating his queerness in the rest of 7 - I think they will continue to make it blatantly obvious thats where it’s headed but I think they’ll save his story for 8a - which is the best place for it imo - where it can be done properly.

So why shouldn’t buck get to be happy with Tommy for a bit in the meantime?? He’s earnt it!

This gif a bit out of control, but I hope it’s interesting!! 💜💜💜

[pendwelling]

Hi!! :)) Sorry to bother you, but can you tell me more about Romeo and Juliet (TWSB)? I haven't started reading the novel yet, but I'm really curious to know more about them :(((

I beg you..

(Sorry for my bad English..)

Ooohhh Romero Riester and Juliette (Julite Statia) are definitely both interesting characters in TWSB, as they are, in some way, almost a cautionary tale for our current generation and cast of characters.

In summary, Romero and Juliette (which was the Riesterian/French pronunciation of her name that she loved a lot) were lovers, and since this was three generations ago when the Riester Empire and the Divine Kingdom of Venetiaan were not at war, people of the opposite countries could fall in love and marry each other.

Emperor Romero actually loved Priestess Julite, a daughter of the Venetiaan Count Statia, so much that he built her her own palace (he had actually been recorded to have tried gifting her a total of three lmao), which was placed directly behind Romero's in a symbolic declaration of how he would always be there to protect her, and how wanted to be the shield of his lover for life. It should also be said that Romero was a military and sword fanatic, so him being so adamant of wanting to protect Julite was indeed very romantic haha.

Simultaneously, knowing that Julite was from the Divine Kingdom of Venetiaan, Romero actually built a mana portal that would lead directly back to Venetiaan, so should ever Julite feel homesick and/or left to Venetiaan, she would always be able to go back and easily return to him.

This love for her, however, was also his downfall, as Julite was actually secretly manipulated by her birth mother Queen's of Venetiaan. As an illegitimate child, Julite has always wanted her mother's approval, and as such followed her orders of seducing and betraying so that her mother, Queen Lilianne, could infiltrate Riester with the goal of capturing its divine items for a certain goal (and this one is a whole other can of lore worms to unpack haha). As such, one day, when Romero was happily waiting for Julite to return, he was instead greeted on all sides by the Venetiaan using the very portal he had made out of his love for her. This incredible betrayal was the start of the war against the two countries, and Emperor Romero, being someone who has always paid attention to his country's military, was able to respond to the war in full gusto. At some point, he even gained a number of notorious titles and even became known as the "Tragic Lover Slayer"—Julite died around the age of 30.

The love story between these two in-universe is actually very (in)famous. Many historians and writers take an interest in Juliette/Julite Statia for being both a heroine of a grand tragedy, yet also its very villainess. Romero genuinely loved her a lot, and Julite also cared for him, but ultimately the manipulation of her mother led to the waging of war between both countries.

Bigger spoiler territory, but we actually get to see more of both Romero and Julite further into the novel. It's very complicated because the politics and lore of TWSB is just.... HAHA, it's a LOT and very complex and so so interesting, but anyhow Romero actually becomes a sort of.... ghost? guardian of this metaphysical almost after-life space where wandering souls gather ("White Space/Pure White Interstellar") and linger around. At some point, he even meets the MC Yeseo and friends, and even interacts with his great-grandson, Cédric, whom he counsels to not become a monarch like Romero did, and to make his mother proud by becoming a good ruler. Romero was an infamous war lord and magic swordsman, but after death, I think it's clear that he was a good guy deep down, just that the betrayal by Julite affected him so very much, and he even acknowledges his own actions. His personality is kinda like Cédric's, but, well, all members of the Riester bloodline resemble each other in some way hahaha—only, after Romero's generation, they were all quite level-headed and firmly anti-war (unless direly needed) because of how much the Warring Era affected the continent.

As for Julite... (oh it's so complicated. TWSB as a lot of lore wkdjdk) but basically even after death, she still seeks out the recognition of her birth mother, even if just once. She dies, however, recognize that she hurt a lot of people who genuinely cared about her, and for that, she admits she can't and shouldn't be forgiven. She herself has even admitted to being an undeniable war criminal and traitor. Julite is definitely a tragic character, who, even after coming to her senses in death, still yearned for the love of someone who only manipulated her. Personally, I do believe she loved Romero, too—it's just that she also desperately wanted her birth mother's love and acknowledgement, as well. It's quite sad... Romero later acknowledges that Wueen Lilianne was a horrible personal who would do anything for the sake of her goals, and while I can't quite remember, I think it is implied that he came to understand in death why Julite betrayed him.

But back to how these two are a bit of a three-generation ago cautionary tale—the original ML of the story, Cédric Riester, ends up occupying Romero Palace since he is the heir to the Empire. In turn, Juliette Palace, after Julite's betrayal, has now been considered a Cold Palace instead of the future Crown Princess/Consort palaca like it's original intention implied, and at the start of the novel, is currently being used to house the political hostage Prince Jesse Venetiaan from the Divine Kingdom of Venetiaan, (who our MC Jung Yeseo transmigrates into).

A lot of the story actually put a lot of emphasis on the parallels between Emperor Romero and Julite State, in contrast to Cédric and our MC Jesse/Yeseo.

Julite, the illegitimate child of the previous Queen, managed to worm her way into the heart of Romero and ultimately betrayed him for it. Similarly, Jesse, also an illegitimate child of the current Venetiaan Queen, also managed to worm his way into Crown Prince Cédric's heart. A recurring theme in TWSB is actually "history repeating itself", "sins of the past affecting the present", and a whole narrative of wanting to fix the mistakes of the predecessors for the sake of the current and next generation. So there's definitely tension that is instilled in the reader upon realizing the constant drawing of parallels between the characters' ancestors/predecessors and the main characters themselves, as they adjacently navigate life in ways reminiscent of the people before them.

Will Cédric be betrayed by Jesse? Can a diplomatic hostage from the Divine Kingdom be trusted? What will come about the relationship between two people when previous examples have ended so tragically? I believed the way Romero and Julite have affected the plot despite having been deceased for decades already by the start of the novel is so so so very interesting hehe. I'd definitely recommend you read the novel if you haven't started already! One of the greatest joys is slowly being able to piece together the parts of the novel's lore and discover how much depth there is in this world 🥹👍

Hope this was insightful!!!

[batsplat]

"I must say that it is very difficult to have good relations when you fight for the same thing, as I fought with Sete. The trigger was what happened in Qatar in 2004. What happened in Qatar 2004.. I saw it as something dirty that I didn't expect neither from Sete, nor from Juan Martinez, who was his technical manager and who had worked with me for a long time. I felt betrayed because it was as if I was being played. Sete was a great rival and when you fight like that it's a bit like Michael Jordan says, it's something personal. With Sete what happened in Qatar made me very angry and it helped me to give my best until the end of that season and for the next one. If I had to give Sete some advice... it's better if he hadn't done it." here's the bit from route46.. i find it interesting he puts blame on juan martinez too!

(following on from this post, and will liberally include chunks I wrote in the sete post) right there's a lot to unpack here, but first of all. I haven't gotten around to watching the whole documentary yet, but I did quickly jump around to find the sete bit the quote is from and... and there is something I absolutely have to address first. because. uh. they actually interview juan martinez - sete's crew chief himself - about the whole qatar incident... and, well. he says the following (rough translation):

At no time did either Sete or I go ask for a sanction for Valentino: we went to ask for greater security for everyone. Once we go to HRC and passed on the knowledge, that we have found a Valentino technician on the track, thus modifying the state of the track, Honda decides that moment what really needs to be done is a complaint.

hold on. just one second. I did suspect there had to be something incredibly stupid at the heart of the whole thing. something that could reconcile all the contradictory information out there, help explain how everyone could feel so confident in their contradictory views. because the whole thing should have a relatively straightforward answer, right: either sete played tattletale or he didn't. and... I mean. okay, look. I'm not saying I'm with valentino on this one but... they did snitch! objectively martinez is admitting they snitched! it happened! either this was a moment of staggering naivety because what did you think hrc was going to do with this information?? or valentino was spot on and they passed on that information knowing that it was at least a possibility valentino was going to get a penalty as a result of their actions. surely it is possible to appeal to hrc on safety grounds without bringing up you saw valentino's technician on the track, who was at the time quite possibly acting quite suspiciously under the cover of night! why are you even going to hrc about this in the first place!

you do not have to be that paranoid a soul to maybe doubt whether they had the best of intentions here, no? what this would also help clear up is sete's response at sepang when asked to deny his involvement, which. I did find it an odd response! you kind of want to give the benefit of the doubt with these things, given sete's longstanding and genuine preoccupation with safety in the sport. that being said, rather than just firmly deny he was involved, he went on this long spiel about how he would've thought it'd be better for everyone to get their grid spots cleaned - and the crux of his argument amounted to how he'd be a hypocrite if he called for valentino to be sanctioned after that. which, why are you even focused so much on this - just say no, you weren't involved! look, it was better to err on the side of caution and maybe simply assume sete isn't the most skilled operator in denying allegations of gamesmanship. but this extra detail would make sete's response in that sepang presser read a little differently:

yeah, sure, I mean, if we're going to be generous here and say sete and his crew chief just innocently mentioned to hrc that valentino's technician was rubbering up his grid slot for 'safety reasons'... then nothing sete says here is technically a lie. he didn't "complain" and it was hrc who made the protest. but. but! it does feel like if sete and his crew chief really were the ones to alert hrc to what valentino's team had done... if what martinez says is actually correct, this whole incident does still read pretty differently! you know how sete says "they" had blocked him from cleaning the grid? it feels like a pretty reasonable assumption that the "they" in question refers to hrc. if hrc blocked sete from rubbering his own grid and he then went to tell them about what valentino had done, did he really expect honda to go 'oh that's all right then, I suppose we'd better rubber up your grid slot too'? seriously? (incidentally, do we think the mechanic who gave evidence was martinez himself)

juan martinez does also go on to say this:

What he does in the end or what he has always done, that's what he does, is turn his story into his truth, which gives him his motivation and that's it. It doesn't mean that it's the truth, it means it's Valentino's truth. The fact that it is his truth or that it is my truth about some things does not mean that it is the truth. When you are fighting for something in sports, there is a moment that you lose sight of the complete picture.

which, yes, this isn't terrible as insight into valentino's character, and mayhaps we can return to this at a later date. but, also, can I just say, if you go! to hrc! to tell them the man they hate! who you are engaged in a tight championship fight with! which has only FOUR ROUNDS TO GO! has maybe had his team do something a little sketchy! and then hrc ensures he gets a penalty for it! come on. specifically after you've been blocked from doing the same thing? could you really not have expected that hrc would go on to file a complaint with race direction? seriously?

incidentally, valentino did already pin the blame on martinez at the time:

well, you can still give sete the benefit of the doubt here I suppose, if you so choose. still, is valentino really just 'telling a story here and turning it into his truth'? the generous interpretation of what happened here is that sete accidentally helped cause a back of the grid penalty, and that's the generous interpretation! hey, maybe martinez is getting his story wrong, maybe he's lying, you never know. but let's just say for a moment that this is the truth... let's just that martinez and sete really did pass on this information with innocent intentions in the name of safety. would this not still make sete's rhetoric after the event a teensy bit disingenuous? it's one thing to say 'yeah this was a misunderstanding, hrc was out for you and we accidentally helped provide the material they needed to bag you a penalty'... it's quite another to say valentino fabricated this whole thing out of thin air, like you had absolutely zero involvement in the whole thing. was this really a feud valentino just invented out of nowhere?

anyway, enough motogp-flavoured true crime investigation... and listen, I do want to reiterate what I said here:

let's be clear here - even if sete did have some involvement in the penalty, obviously valentino's response to the whole thing is still a bit bonkers. like, it's definitely petty behaviour from honda. given the whole 'using a scooter to rubber up the track' does seem like it was at the very least a bit of a grey area in the rules, hrc getting valentino penalised for it is... well, it's all pretty undignified from everyone involved. that being said, valentino did vow to destroy sete and spent the next one and a half seasons tormenting him. some people would consider that a little bit of an overreaction, even if the whole thing wasn't based wholesale on delusion. at the end of the day, he did still do all that stuff

so, anyway, let's get into it! going to go all in here and tackle this shit line by line:

"I must say that it is very difficult to have good relations when you fight for the same thing, as I fought with Sete."

right, so this is obviously a commentary on his natural understanding of how rivalries work... how he believed his relationship with sete was destined to change as a result of how, starting in 2003, they were directly competing. this gels with the limited mentions we get in his autobiography of sete in 2003, which were coloured by how he believed sete had already been praying on his downfall before their actual friendship break up (here and here):

what valentino is saying here is basically a slightly more concise version of what I put in the sete post:

and, yeah, this is a natural element of competition - it's generally accepted that maintaining friendships at the sharp end of professional sports with your competitors is either extremely difficult or straight up impossible. (like marc put it in august 2015: "it's true that before the relationship was different, but because we were not fighting for the championship. it's not the relationship like a friend".) obviously there's still a fairly significant difference between 'friendship' and 'good relations' (and 'actively feuding'). but valentino is acknowledging it is just kinda part of the game... something he's willing to exploit if need be (see here for speculations on how the sete feud changed valentino's approach to rivalries in general). it was always going to be tough for that relationship not to go downhill, and valentino accepted as much. he was also clearly a lot more ready for it to come to that than sete was

"The trigger was what happened in Qatar in 2004."

there's always something interesting about what incident parties identify as the turning point in these rivalries. with sete/valentino, you could reasonably point to three different episodes:

assen 2004: last lap overtake resulting in contact that left sete 'angry', though publicly he turned the page pretty quickly. the first obvious public sign of tension between the pair

qatar 2004: for obvious reasons. the allegations of gamesmanship that made valentino openly turn on sete and end any cordial relations between the two of them, let alone friendship

jerez 2005: the most contentious on-track incident between the pair of them that continues to be infamous for the final corner contact and the post-race theatrics

valentino, when he talks about this rivalry, does seem to always go for qatar. yes, he's talked about jerez, but he doesn't bring it up when he's asked about the relationship between the pair of them. the sample size here is admittedly pretty small, but he answered in a similar way in 2015:

sete, by contrast, is generally more hung up on jerez. he's mentioned qatar a few times when commenting on how valentino had suddenly switched up towards him, but more often than not it's jerez. part of this is just... well, he's really focused on the moral injury aspect of what happened at jerez, where he feels very strongly he was wronged - and even more than that, that the incident set a bad precedent. he discusses valentino a bit in that three hour podcast episode he went on and it's basically entirely focused on that last lap corner

which, you know, if somebody manages to successfully 'put a curse' on you, I do get why this probably isn't the bit of the story you want to bring up by your own volition. it's also the kindest narrative to sete - because if it's all about his jerez, then his decline in that rivalry is more about a moral stance than it is about valentino successfully crushing his spirit

that's the thing, right... both of these choices of turning points, qatar and jerez, represent something to the two parties, and both narratives flatter the person telling them in some way. in both cases, it's about their rival doing something that's unacceptable, immoral, 'dirty' in some way... they're accusing each other of stepping outside of the bounds of what is 'acceptable' behaviour for competitors. they're accusing each other of not playing fair, of not playing the game like it should be played. this is what makes the dissolution of their friendship acceptable too, right - it's not just that they're rivals, it's not just the heat of competition or whatever, it's that their enemy did something wrong. this isn't just normal competitive tension that caused their relationship to fall apart, it's foul play

now, look, I'm not going to make some ultra contrarian argument about how it's all actually about assen 2004, This Race Clash Is The One Nobody Is Talking About... BUT this was the first public incident in which sete failed to act graciously in defeat and valentino verbally noted as much. clearly the relationship was a bit strained already headed into qatar. see the autobiography quotes, see assen... also. well. check out what valentino said at the time at qatar (from here):

"I've been looking for an excuse not to talk to sete"... this doesn't necessarily contradict how valentino frames qatar as the "trigger" - the word itself acknowledges that there was something already there just waiting to be 'triggered'. in what truly is one of the all time great presser questions, the above quote is actually put to valentino in sepang with sete sitting right next to him

good vibes!

unfortunately he doesn't really clarify what he meant here, just saying something along the lines of 'well it's a new week now'. anyway, you can interpret the initial valentino quote in several different ways. you could say he was just searching for an opportunity to engineer a feud with sete and was willing to seize on any opportunity, however flimsy. or you could say valentino had already grown suspicious of sete - presumably as a result of several past incidents between the pair of them. the stuff vale mentions in his autobiography about how sete had been predicting him to fail at yamaha, what happened at assen... again, it's the idea that sete covets what valentino has, that he's been performing graciousness - perhaps, from assen onwards at the latest, a little less successfully so. perhaps valentino just wanted to create a little more distance between the two of them for his own sake, make it easier to fire up his competitive juices - and that's what he needed an 'excuse' for. or perhaps what valentino meant was something along the lines of 'I suspected he was a snake and now he proved it'. whatever it was, it must have been enough for valentino to be ready to pull the pin on that particular friendship. so yes, qatar is the trigger. even if it triggered something that had already been festering for a much longer time

"What happened in Qatar 2004... I saw it as something dirty that I didn't expect neither from Sete, nor from Juan Martinez, who was his technical manager and who had worked with me for a long time."

okay I already discussed the descriptor of 'dirty' for sete's actions. it's something underhanded, it's something valentino doesn't like - snitching on your rivals as a dishonest way of beating them. athletes can build up incredibly convoluted frameworks of what they consider acceptable and unacceptable behaviour, and a lot of the time it is self-serving bullshit.... but it can be self-serving bullshit with an internal logic of sorts. like, this is the thing right, is going to race direction to play tattletale inherently morally so much worse than various valentino behaviours he openly admits to? eh. but for him, he sees this as a fundamentally 'dirty' and ugly way of trying to win. the stuff he does is fair game, but going around trying to find obscure rules that might not even technically exist to fuck over your rival is not okay. that's not how you should fight to win

the martinez angle has also already been mostly covered above... I was aware they'd worked together before martinez moved to the gresini team (while valentino was still at honda by the way, this wasn't a case of martinez choosing against jumping ship to yamaha when valentino left) - but it's still nice to get the confirmation that they'd worked together for a "long time". obviously, this is a fun element of 2004 in general, the extent to which valentino's sworn enemies are all the people he was working alongside in previous years, how vicious the break up had been. this was also in itself a nice source of motivation, and initially that season was as much about spiting honda as it was spiting his specific rivals who had been so wedded to the narrative that valentino was on the superior bike. though it should be noted valentino wasn't disillusioned with, like, the honda rank and file, mechanics and so on - more with honda management and the engineers. here from his autobiography:

and martinez himself was also a suspension technician in valentino's team. which, yeah, valentino feels hurt on a personal level! this is somebody he had worked with and trusted who has (allegedly) decided to do something so underhanded specifically to spite valentino! from the same autobiography excerpt as above:

rivals are one thing, you've kinda gotta expect the worst, but he does take this type of relationship very seriously. presumably it really twisted in the knife for him, this notion that one of his former team members was willing to do something this 'dirty' to him. valentino didn't expect it! not from sete and not from somebody he'd worked with for years! that's the bit that made it unforgivable, the previous personal relationships that valentino felt weren't being honoured

(incidentally, juan martinez actually ended up being nicky hayden's crew chief... during his time at ducati, where of course hayden would be reunited with valentino for two years as teammates. bit awkward!)

"I felt betrayed because it was as if I was being played."

see above, not much more to add. that's what it often comes back to for valentino, isn't it. a lot of stuff is acceptable, it's just part of the game, rivalries are supposed to be feisty and fierce and a little bit ugly. but this? again, a lot of this is about internal frameworks that athletes have for what is seen as acceptable and not acceptable within competition. valentino deploys a rather liberal definition of what should be allowed both on and off the track, but this is a hard line for him. he'll accept a lot, but not what he considers betrayal. something else that remains consistent throughout his career, including as it pertains to a certain other rivalry

"Sete was a great rival and when you fight like that it's a bit like Michael Jordan says, it's something personal."

michael jordan mention, interesting in its own right! someone who's been compared to valentino in his ruthlessness and, well, cruelty (though some of the stories about jordan make valentino look like an angel lbr). a little bit of commentary to be made there on what greatness in sports generally looks like, and how it does often involve some... hm. pretty unsavoury behaviour. the two of them have actually met a couple times, in valencia 2004 where valentino took him for a ride and laguna 2005 where they partied together after the race

obviously, it's a little funny this meeting happened at valencia 2004 of all occasions, at a time in which valentino was really finding his groove where psychologically torturing his rivals was concerned. there's always something heartwarming about athletes drawing inspiration from each other, no? but anyway, coming back to what valentino actually said here - "it's something personal". just in case anyone's unfamiliar, what this is referring to jordan's habit of drawing competitive inspiration from what he saw as personal slights (there's several compilations out there of jordan using phrasing along the lines of 'it became personal with me', if anyone wants to look it up). sete inspired valentino to up his game because valentino did increasingly take it personally when sete thwarted him - and at a certain point, valentino decided that defeat was no longer acceptable at all. the best way possible to fire himself up... take it personally, and be prepared to do whatever it takes to make his enemy's life hell

"With Sete what happened in Qatar made me very angry and it helped me to give my best until the end of that season and for the next one."

well, yes! I talked a little bit here about the parallels between marc and valentino in how they use anger to motivate themselves, mainly in the context of argentina 2018. and from valentino's autobiography:

anyway, excluding the qatar fiasco itself where he lost his temper, it's fun that he acknowledges explicitly here that the anger provided him with a good source of competitive fuel. note also the time span - the last three races of 2004 as well as the entirety of 2005. sete wasn't really a title rival any more in 2005, not after jerez, but he was still a serious on-track threat... if your goal isn't just to win the title but also to prevent sete from winning a single further race, then sure, he's still very relevant! so that rivalry was still a big part of his competitive make-up a full year after sete could no longer seriously challenge him for a title, and valentino does have enough self-awareness to consciously take advantage of that fury when he can. he probably never did that better than in 2005... his brain controlled his fury - and at every single opportunity he used it to beat sete further into submission

"If I had to give Sete some advice... it's better if he hadn't done it."

iconic banger line. evil laugh afterwards. 10/10 no notes

[wordsandrobots]

What would be your top 10-20 Favorite IBO characters?

I . . . genuinely don't know if I can answer this.

There are a few I have little to say about. The Brewers leadership. Radice. Henri Fleurs. Jasley. Perfectly functional characters who do what they need to do but whose role encloses itself.

There are some I find tricky to write -- Takaki, Zack -- because for whatever reason it's harder for me to capture the distinctiveness of their mannerisms.

But top? Favourite? I fear I'll just start listing everyone in order of appearance. Obviously I've done a lot of fanfic focused on Shino and Yamagi. Their relationship is the spur that got me writing Iron-Blooded Orphans fanfic. And I've loved working with characters like Eugene and Ride, finding places to take them after the show, to create paths for their lives and more grown-up voices.

Yet in large part that's necessity. I write post-canon, I use the crayons left over in the box. Mikazuki and Orga form an incredible motor that drives the anime plot towards disaster. Kudelia and Atra are a fundamental reconfiguring of tropes that in other shows make me want to take a red pen to the script. Mika's polycule is consequently an even split between an adorable, wholesome rejection of traditional love-triangles, and exquisite, inevitable tragedy. Also Hush is there, He can be counted in the polycule, as a treat. Gods, Hush. The guy who joined the wrong PMC for his epic hero arc, who goes from watching his best friend commit suicide over being a burden and a failure, to unhesitatingly acting as mobility aid to the kid he started out resenting for dodging that same fate. He's a relatively minor player, overall, but there is so much there to unpack. *So much*.

And therein lies the problem. The cast is huge and they're not all given much to do, but they almost universally come with a depth of interest and nuance. Sweet Chad, at once awkward and downcast, worried about his social standing, and also the one to give blunt voice to the kill-or-be-killed trap of fighting people forced on to the battlefield. Gaelio, my favourite stress-toy, my darling blue-haired numpty, the knight in shining ignorance who muddled his way to morality, far too late in the day. Ein Dalton, protagonist of the wrong story and nascent fruit-loop, his apotheosis rudely interrupted by a broken mirror-image of himself. Argi Mirage, over in the manga, a basically decent person behind the semi-permanent glower, embedded in a slightly less poverty-stricken level of society, still dealing with the same old capitalistic crap.

We've got Yukinojo (disadvantaged by his cybernetic legs, never quite a responsible father-figure), Merribit (the adult in the room, with all the wrong experience), Makanai (arch-political operator, discovering his conscience only to view it as a curse), Savarin (trapped by class aspirations, predicting the way everything will end), that one Gjallarhorn officer captaining the Sleipnir (did he ever get to make up for missing his daughter's birthday?), and oh so many more.

There are stories to tell with these people and the one we get gestures are a dozen others, which is something I find irresistible. I can -- and have -- spent so long exploring and expanding upon them because I *want* to write about them all, be they best-case products of appalling systems (Rustal Elion), fools shaped by their circumstances in ways that haven't quite curbed their potential (Julieta) or simply doofy gremlin children who I'd really like to see get a happy ending even while I know that's vanishingly unlikely in the long run (598).

At this point, I really don't think I even know where to start putting them in order, much less cutting them down to a mere twenty.

[thedeerman]

RadioApple Fic:

Do You Want To Know?

Ch3: Wonder

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

The evening comes and goes without any real events. Cherri was in charge of dinner and ordered some Chinese food. Honestly, Lucifer loved fried rice and mei fun so it was a win as far as he was concerned. No one else seemed to have complained either, and everyone eventually went their separate ways for the evening. The next morning however, one of the first things Lucifer thinks of is the letter exchange. Before he even gets out of bed, he wonders who wrote the letter he’s going to receive, and… His eyes snap to the envelope on his desk. Alastor… Why did it have to be Alastor? He hated even having to think about the guy. Thinking of Alastor led to thinking about Alastor’s relationship with Charlie. And that always led him down a dangerous path of frustration and self hatred. Not something he felt like unpacking yet again, not first thing in the morning. 

Lucifer had stopped wearing his full coat and hat around the hotel recently, wanting to take on a more ‘casual’ appearance. It was for both himself and the new guests, and he’d started to like being able to walk into a room without all eyes leading to him. He could never lurk in the shadows the way Alastor does but- Lucifer blinked. Why is he still thinking about Alastor? Is it just that he’s the only one in the hotel that Lucifer truly dislikes, or is it because his interactions with him are some of the only genuinely interesting things that happen to him here? Most days, Lucifer can go hours without paying much attention to anything or anyone around him. He’d spent so much time alone, so many years without other souls to interact with on such a regular basis. As a result now, he tends to get lost in his own thoughts. Mind always drifting from one thought to another, to another, and then another… And before he knew it, he’d be so far from the original conversation happening around him that he could hardly get back. This is part of the problem with group therapy. There are very few, very few voices that would catch his attention every single time. That he could truly focus on, even if just for a moment. Charlie was one, of course. Her voice could bring him back from the farthest depths of his wandering mind with ease. The only other soul that’s been able to get his attention like that in recent memory was… Yep, Alastor. 

Lucifer shook his head, willing his distractible mind to wander no further. Downstairs, coffee, morning meeting. Simple. He desperately needed a caffeine boost. He stuffed the envelope with the letter for Alastor into his pocket and started down the long hallway towards the center of the hotel. 

Alastor was the first up and around this morning. Unlike the previous day, he was up bright and early and making a pot of coffee before anyone else was awake. He downed a cup, washed and replaced the mug, and decided to spend a bit of time wandering the less traveled halls. These were halls he rarely used, and some that he hadn’t even seen yet. He wasn’t part of the construction, of course. He had still been recovering after his fight with Adam. Adam… Alastor suddenly steadies himself against the wall as he mentally relives the moment that he was struck down by the first man. The images flashed again and again in his mind and he was completely incapable of stopping it. The shadow on the wall frowned at Alastor’s state and attempted to drag the demon into the shadows, to escape from the hallway, back to the safety of his own room. A sound coming from the end of the hall, however, caught Alastor’s attention, pulling his mind from the onslaught of brutal flashbacks and back into the present. The shadows released their grip as Alastor quickly recovered, his typical smile falling into place as he brushed wrinkles from his coat. By the time Lucifer turned the corner into the same hallway, Alastor was already resuming his walk like nothing had happened. 

Lucifer was on his way down to the meeting room from his tower when he felt something odd. He stopped for a moment, trying to place the strange aura that suddenly caught his attention. It felt.. Uncomfortable. With a touch of panic. Lucifer had a sixth sense for this, having been an archangel and all. But his wandering mind usually didn't pick up on much unless it was something pretty intense. There were plenty of new, heavily traumatized sinners starting to stay at the hotel, so this wasn’t an entirely uncommon occurrence. But something about this one seemed a bit more familiar. 

He decided it probably wasn’t anything to worry about and kept on down the hallway. The feeling remained for several moments, and distracted Lucifer enough that he tripped right over his own two feet. He landed clumsily on the floor, his wings coming out just a moment too late to catch him. Nice, he thinks. Taking the whole ‘fallen’ angel thing a bit too literally… Lucifer picks himself up, tucks away his wings and dusts off his shirt, continuing down the long, empty hall. Except when he makes a turn around the corner that would bring him to the main staircase, it isn’t empty anymore. Lucifer tries not to stumble over himself in surprise at seeing Alastor on this side of the hotel… What’s he even doing over this way..? He doesn’t bother to ask. The angel takes a moment to wonder if they’ve had a single non confrontational interaction…ever. He doesn’t like the radio demon. The radio demon doesn’t like him. But this was his daughter’s hotel and she could really use some peace of mind. So he makes the decision right then and there not to start anything, not to let Alastor start anything. Just… Walk past him. Just walk past him. 

And he’s on his way to doing just that when he notices something… A shadow. He’d seen Alastor’s weird, semi autonomous shadow…thing.. But it always seemed to be reflecting whatever the demon himself seemed to be doing. Now, it seems.. Upset? Frazzled? Unhappy? Lucifer’s pace slowed just a tad, his mind suddenly wondering what could cause such an odd being to be upset. What does a shadow stress over? Lights? At that moment, he glanced up to the demon as he passed by. His smile was the same big wide creepy thing that it always was, but his eyes… They were wide with what Lucifer could only guess was panic, despite nothing out of the ordinary happening around them. He looked like a deer in headlights. Ha, I’m so funny, the angel thinks to himself. But what the radio demon was worrying about wasn’t his problem. He kept walking, not letting his mind be turned into another Alastor induced mess. Downstairs. Coffee. Morning meeting. At the end of the hallway he realized he had done it, he walked past Alastor! What a… ridiculous thing to celebrate. Oh well, low expectations lead to less disappointment, after all! The king whistled a happy little tune as he made his way downstairs and to the kitchen, where a fresh pot of coffee was thankfully ready.

The morning meeting was brief, mostly just going over everyone's tasks for the day. On the way in, Charlie took each resident’s envelope and marked the appropriate names on them. At the end of the meeting, Vaggie handed them out, along with a new envelope and piece of paper. Lucifer spent the entire meeting focusing on not looking at Alastor. He didn’t want the demon to know that he was the one assigned to write to him, and he didn’t want him to know that he spent a considerable amount of time this morning thinking about his odd shadow creature and how it worked. Damn, why do my thoughts always end up leading to this asshole? Lucifer frowned to himself, lost in his own mind again on his way back to his room. He decided he wasn't feeling up to any more chance encounters and decided to just teleport himself. 

Back in the comfort of his own room, Lucifer decides to open his letter. He’s actually nervous about what might be in it for some reason. I just want these people to like me, he thinks nervously. He tears the envelope with his name open and drops it to the floor. The paper inside is neatly folded into a perfect square. Lucifer opens the letter and reads the contents. 

“Name two things about your person that you admire and why.”

One thing I admire about this person is his raw power. It has a lot of potential. Another thing I admire is his determined unwillingness to back down from a challenge.

Lucifer reads the lines over and over again, wondering if the sender was being truthful. If whoever got his name was too afraid to be honest with the king of hell and decided to go with something simple and believable. Or… it was also a possibility that whoever got his name genuinely believed that these were both true and admirable qualities. The fallen angel smiled. A genuine, happy smile. Someone… this person! This person admires my stubborn refusal to back down from a challenge? Lucifer laughed. It was the very thing that got him kicked out of heaven. His stubbornness. His pride. His sins. And yet, whoever wrote this note, they saw it as an admirable trait. He laughed again, the thought of his biggest flaws being any sort of positive? Ha! No. He appreciated the sentiment, but no. 

He gently folded the paper back into the square shape it was before and set it on his desk. Next to it, he placed down the paper with the new writing prompt. The one he has to write to Alastor. He once again remembered his frustration at having to think about him at all, but his thoughts quickly turned to this morning, before everyone else was awake. When something felt off in the hallway and the shadow looked upset and the sinner’s eyes looked like a wild animal staring death in the face and why why why can’t he just stop wondering about it? 

Lucifer leans back in his chair and wonders for the millionth time why his mind can’t settle down. No sense letting this take all day… He picks up his pen and looks at the paper Charlie gave him. The prompt at the top read

“Name one thing that you’re curious about in regards to your person.”

Well that one isn’t too hard… Lucifer began thinking of all the different things that he would ask if anyone would give him the damn answers. Why are you here? What do you intend to do? What are your intentions with Charlie? How do you get into every thought in my mind every waking moment? Why - Damn it. If he were to put anything like that in the letter it would be obvious who’s writing. And it’s not like he’s going to be sending back a response anyway so… Lucifer takes a moment to think. And then he writes.

Alastor,

One thing I’m curious about is your shadow. Is it a part of you? Its own being? Does it make its own choices?

Lucifer hesitates as his thoughts seem to just bleed right out through the ink in his pen but decides there’s no harm in wondering. So he includes,

Does it have a name? 

The king looked over his letter and decided that would do just fine. This was an easy one, everyone wonders about Alastor. CONSTANTLY. The guy is some sort of weird enigma that Lucifer didn’t really have the patience to care about. And it’s not like his shadow isn’t out for display all day anyway, anyone would wonder what’s up with it. He folds the letter up and puts it in the new envelope, ready for tomorrow’s meeting.

Alastor is not in a good mood. He still smiles, makes little quips here and there, slinks around the shadows and appears where he isn’t always expected. Watching. Listening. All of his usual activities. But after his sudden panic at remembering- No. There’s no reason to get all worked up again… The radio demon was many things, but panicked? Fearful? Never. Well… Almost never. This wasn’t his first or only brush with death, and it likely wouldn’t be his last. So just dropping it is the most logical thing to do. Just not even bothering with letting the thoughts take root. He went about his typical duties until late in the afternoon, when he retired to his room in his radio tower for some time alone. 

Alastor sat down, letting out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. He should’ve stopped at the bar on the way up. Oh well. It was then that he remembered Charlie’s little letters game from earlier, which makes him think of Lucifer, which makes him think about seeing Lucifer in the hall that morning after barely pulling himself together from- NO. He stops his thoughts in their tracks and pulls the envelope and paper from his coat pocket. 

The demon used his razor sharp claw like a letter opener, neatly slicing the envelope open. He burned the envelope in his hand and watched the small green flame slowly eat the paper. He hummed to himself, a little fire never failed to raise his smile just a tad. Once the envelope was nothing but ash, he opened the clumsily folded paper. Alastor wondered for a moment who it was that had written him the letter, which said:

“Name two things about your person that you admire and why.”

Alastor,

One thing I admire about you is your willingness to use your power to protect this place, even if you don’t completely believe in it. Even facing a danger that could have killed you. Another thing that I admire is your ability to get people to listen to you. No matter where you are, or who you’re speaking to, people always tend to listen.

Alastor’s eyes narrowed at the words written on the page in front of him. This very well could have been written by Charlotte, the demon thinks to himself. It wasn’t at all like Niffty’s formatting, and this certainly wouldn’t have come from the mind of Husker. Alastor didn’t know enough about Angel or Cherri to make a solid determination there, but he wondered if this could have come from Vaggie? He mindlessly played a little jazz tune while pondering, but ultimately decided that the game was a bit more fun when the writer was anonymous. Alastor then took the letter, flattened the creases as best he could, and put it on his desk in the tower. Turning to the other piece of paper, he reads the next prompt. 

“Name one thing that you’re curious about in regards to your person.”

Alastor wasn’t sure what to make of this one. There were many things he wondered about the king of hell. Why does he squander his power? Why has he hidden away for so many years? Why did his ex wife leave him? What’s he been doing since then? Who- Wait. The radio demon blinks as he wonders why he would ever produce such a train of thought. He had no need to wonder about those topics, nor had he ever wondered about them before. But now that he has wondered about them… No. It has to be something that anyone would be curious about. Alastor knew that if he again mentioned the king’s power or use of it, he’s likely to be suspected. And then the rest of the week wouldn’t go nearly as well. He wondered, what would the other residents want to know about him? Something… mundane.

Favorite color? Food preferences? Hobbies? Only radio static and the light sound of jazz could be heard in the tower as Alastor sat unable to make such a simple decision as a question on paper. He closed his eyes for a moment, but immediately felt the panic start as his mind played him the scene again. The demon quickly stood from his chair, eyes wide and ears flat against his head. His shadow frowned at him, earning itself a glare and low growl from its master. I will not be pitied by a shadow, he thinks to himself. Perhaps a bit more busywork was what he needed to get his mind working properly again. He opened his portal and stepped into the hotel lobby.

Lucifer was a little bit busier today, his day off from chores having come and gone. Niffty actually did most of the cleaning herself, but with more guests arriving every few days, it was only right that the rest of them lent a hand. Today, Lucifer’s job was cleaning up the messes that left things in need of fixing. Couches, chairs, tables, walls, floors, doors, lamps, whatever got damaged, Lucifer could use his magic to quickly repair. That was his job for the day, and he didn’t mind it. Charlie had given him a clipboard noting everything that needed to be fixed and where in the hotel it was. For now, some damage to a wall in the lobby. Going around fixing things was yet another task that would let Lucifer’s mind wander into dangerous territory if he wasn’t careful. The best way to combat that was to be around his daughter, who could keep his attention better than anyone. But as she was running a hotel and had things to do, his next best option was-

And at that moment, before Lucifer could even chastise himself for his thoughts, Alastor appeared through a portal only a few feet away. Lucifer’s eyes went wide for just a moment before he quickly looked away, back to the wall he was supposed to be repairing. But the energy coming from the demon behind him felt… uncomfortable. Lucifer shook his head a bit, begging the thoughts to take a hike and leave him be. But alas, this was Hell. And nothing ever went the way you wanted it to here. 

“Salutations, your majesty!”

Lucifer visibly jumped at the sudden intrusion by the very demon he had just been begging himself not to think about. He closed his eyes for just a second before plastering on his 'You aren’t going to get under my skin today, no thank you' face and turning around to face Alastor.

“Uhhh, hi! Yeah, just fixing up this wall here.” He explained, as if he needed to. Jeez, just treat him like your supervisor, why not? He thought to himself. 

“I see. Not to offend, sire, but it does appear that this wall is still broken. Was this too difficult of a task for you today?” Alastor spoke through a cruel smile. “I’m sure I could speak with Charlie about getting you a less strenuous task if need be?”

Lucifer refused to drop his smile, mirroring the face of the stupidly tall demon in front of him. “Oh that won’t be necessary, unlike some of the other staff, I can actually just get this done,” he paused with a smirk, waved his hand, and the wall was brand new, “with a flick of my wrist.” He smiled smugly but Alastor was no longer looking at him. He stepped forward to run a hand over the wall, brushing past Lucifer as he did. 

God, why’d he have to step so close? He’s so… But his thoughts were interrupted by that radio filtered voice. “Hmm. I do wish that I had been present for the remodeling. But I suppose I can always make my own adjustments later…” At that, he slowly turned his head to face Lucifer, with a wicked looking smile on his face. 

Now, listen. Lucifer was not afraid of the radio demon. Not in the slightest. The sinner couldn’t hurt him even if he tried. So why does he always freeze when they make direct eye contact? Only this time, he doesn’t just freeze. He blinked once, then twice, then turned around on his heel and speed walked away. He might not have a mirror handy, but he was 100% sure that he was blushing. Like, a weird amount. His face was flushed as he escaped the room, pausing in a hallway to catch his breath. What the fuck is up with me today?

Lucifer checked the time on the phone he rarely used. Well… it’s 5 o’clock somewhere… he reasoned. Not like he needed to, it was Hell. The bartender worked from bright and early to late and dark. After taking a moment to compose himself, he walked over to the bar and took a seat all the way at the end. The bartender, Husk, the weird cat demon guy, glanced over at him briefly before asking “What’ll it be, your highness?” in a deep, gravely tone. Lucifer didn’t always like to be referred to by those titles, not when he was trying to blend in decently well around the new sinners. But when Husk spoke to him, the title never felt forced, feeling like a nickname that the cat had given him. 

Before Lucifer could speak up, Husk says “Yeah, I’ve seen that one. Gimme a minute.” The devil wondered for a moment what that could have meant until a glass was set in front of him. It was the same drink he had ordered some nights ago, when he sat talking with the spider demon, Angel, about his frustrations with Alastor.

Ugh, once again, He thinks to himself as he takes a sip of the drink, I’m back to thinking about him. Lucifer takes a moment to appreciate that the demon in front of him had remembered one of his drink orders before his mind catches up to the last thing he’d said. 

“Wait, I didn’t say anything. What do you mean?” he asks. The bartender replies, “That look. I’ve seen that look on your face. You ain't exactly hard to read, highness.” At that he pauses mid sip, again thinking of the last time he ordered this drink. His eyes got wider. He turned to look directly at the demon in front of him. Husk’s golden eyes and half smile didn’t reveal much, so he decided to see where this would take him. 

“I’m still not entirely sure what you mean by that…” he lied. “I’m surprised you remembered what I like though.” Husk let out a small laugh as he turned around to put half empty liquor bottles back on the shelves behind the bar. “Just a skill you pick up after a while,” he responded. “When you spend as much time as I do listening to the same people bitch and moan every day,” he paused for a moment, “Well, I suppose you just pick up on some things.” He glanced back at the king, who immediately felt his face getting warm again. Whether from the liquor or the gaze from the oddly wise seeming demon in front of him, he wasn’t sure. Maybe it was both of those things that prompted him to continue speaking for a little while, just small talk back and forth. 

After a few minutes of chatting, allowing himself to voice some of his lesser sorrows, he decided he’d spent enough time wallowing. “Well… Thanks. For the drink I mean. But no more complaining to the bartender for me today!” He chuckled as he quickly downed the alcohol left in the glass like it was the most refreshing thing he had ever tasted. Having calmed his nerves a little, he went back to Charlie’s checklist and continued his task for the day.

Alastor very much liked being someone that knew things. His favorite hobby, even more so than his radio broadcasts, was gathering intel. Just waiting, just watching, just listening. Noting down every interaction he witnessed in a folder in his mind, ready to sort through later if the need comes. Hell was a game of 5D chess, and knowing your opponent’s next move was vital. 

This leads to a lot of free time spent lingering in the shadows where no one is aware of his presence. And one of the best places to do this was near the bar.

The radio demon would sometimes sit at the bar for a drink, but oftentimes would just watch from afar. He couldn’t get too terribly close, or Husker would certainly sniff out his presence. But there were multiple places he could lurk where he could hear anything said to the bartender in question. So when the demon traveled through the shadows by the bar on his way out of the lobby, he noticed the king sitting on the far end. It was barely 4 in the afternoon. This should be good… he thought to himself.

But really, he didn’t gain much. Husker was practically speaking in code as far as Alastor was concerned. None of it seemed important enough to pay much attention to, until the king said something unexpected. 

“I don't know, maybe I’m just not trying hard enough. But I suppose I do hole myself away in my room a lot… Maybe too much. I don’t know. I come to every morning meeting though!” He reasoned with himself as the bartender continued organizing his liquor shelves. “And I’m doing my best with this letter thing but…” Husk put the bottle he was holding down with a sigh and turned to face the king. “Don’t even talk about it. Your damn mouth is gonna get us both sent to group therapy if you start spilling now.” Lucifer couldn’t argue, he was right. Where his brain started going, his mouth might follow. He nodded, agreeing. “Yeah that’s true.” The conversation went back to nothing important, as far as Alastor was concerned. 

The king eventually finished his drink and thanked Husker before pulling his clipboard from a small portal and hopping off of the barstool. As Alastor watched him go, completely unaware he was being watched at all, he had a thought. Sinking into his shadow, he made his way back to his radio tower. When he reappeared in front of his desk, his smile became less forced. He sat down and lifted his pen. On the paper that Charlie had given him earlier, he began to write. 

One thing I am curious about is your absence throughout the day. Aside from scheduled meetings and chores, you almost always seem to be missing. 

The demon’s smile grew as he wrote. Now knowing that the devil was self-conscious about his lack of presence throughout the day, he could use this. It was a simple enough observation that anyone could see, and Lucifer didn’t know he was listening in on the conversation with Husker. Incompetent. That’s how this is going to make him feel. And that was something Alastor had used freely in the past. The king’s struggle with his own incompetence. Chuckling to himself, he folded the paper neatly and placed it into tomorrow’s envelope. Once he was done, the radio demon decided to partake in his second favorite pastime, broadcasting his radio show. 

Chapter four below!

[reviewdiaries]

Nancy x Ace and the conundrum of pain in 4x12

Alright kids, buckle up for one last time. Don’t worry I will absolutely be back next week for more, but this is the last one where we still have some story left to discover, and I am all up in my feels about this.

There are definitely storytelling choices that I feel are ahem, slightly misguided, but as ever I’m focusing on the Nace of it all, and despite another painful episode of heartbreak, angst, and shouting, I genuinely think we’re making progress. And gosh there’s a lot to unpack from this last episode - it gets long under the cut.

We finally know what the sin was, and we’ve seen them get their memories back. But I still think there’s something else at play here. Because we had heart eyes adoration. We had heartbreak and pain. We had breakups and desperate longing and despair. But then we suddenly shifted to indifference in the wake of that phone call and Nancy’s trip to the Yacht Club. Which either is terrible writing, or it’s some other puzzle piece at play here that we have yet to see. I’m still clinging to the latter. I think there are a few more revelations to come, and I don’t think Nancy and Ace are operating with their full range of memories and emotions yet - hence the anger, indifference, and general out of characterness we’ve been getting.

These last few episodes have served a really interesting purpose though, untethering Nancy and Ace and allowing them to stand on their own. It’s highlighted how much Nancy needs the support of those around her - forcing her to acknowledge her feelings and how important this found family of hers is. But it’s also given Ace the space to breathe, to try and work himself out, to learn to trust himself, to stand up for what he needs and wants, and how he functions as an individual instead of just constantly in service to others. That’s been hard to watch, but it’s been important.

The Nancy and Ace we saw at the start of this season were amazing, yes, look at the yearning! The pining! The heart eyes! But as a couple they were going to run into problems really quickly. They weren’t managing to communicate well - Nancy has slowly been learning not to close herself off since way back in season one where suddenly she wasn’t the only one invested in solving the Tiffany Hudson murder. And Ace has always been supportive of her, quietly there ready for when she finds the words. But they have always struggled to actually communicate effectively, particularly when things are going badly. Nancy takes everything as a rejection and abandonment, Ace actively puts his needs to the bottom of the pile in favour of protecting those he loves. This isn’t healthy, and it isn’t the foundation of a good relationship. And we want them to have a good relationship, we want them to last, because even now for me, they are still endgame. 

They have needed to have that time and space to work some of their own issues out so that they can come back to each other on a more equal footing. To be able to say absolutely I want this, I deserve this, and we can do this together. 

And it’s always been up to Ace to come back. He is the one who walked away, who committed the ultimate abandonment as far as Nancy is concerned. He’s the one that said stop, no, we’re not doing this. And partly as respect for his wishes, and partly because he’d basically just put a fist through her heart by saying that and then leaving, Nancy has stopped. She’s been devastated, broken, looking for something easy that doesn’t hurt as much, but she has respected his wishes. Which is why it’s up to Ace (hey Ace you’ve done some really excellent growth and learning to stand on your own and have your own boundaries and needs, time to put that into action) to come back. To admit he still loves her, he still wants her, he still wants to make this work.

Do I think the writers are waiting until the absolute eleventh hour and really making this pivot a hard one to pull off? Absolutely yes, dear god this feels a little unnecessary. But I do still think we’re getting this pivot. Nancy and Ace have needed to have that space and individual plot lines to come back together as a stronger whole.

Which is why this revelation about what actually happened the night of the boat trip hits that much harder. This is the very first time we’ve seen Ace beg Nancy to come, to be there. She’s the first person he calls. He just needs her there because something awful has happened and she is his safe space. 

GIF Credit @thatonekimgirl

This is huge, life altering vulnerability from Ace in a way we have never ever seen. In all the tragedy, she is his first thought. Not to fix anything, not to make it go away, just to be there with him, hold his hand and smooth his hair away from his cheek and hold him steady in a world that feels like it’s falling apart around him. 

GIF Credit @thatonekimgirl

And any other night, Nancy probably would have made a different decision. But she’s emotionally wrecked from her mum’s memorial. She is adrift in grief and fear because those first weeks after her mum died are a haze of darkness and pain, and on this anniversary night she feels the closest to that pit of grief than she’s felt in a long time, and it would be so easy to tip back into it. Shut her eyes and let it consume her.

And Ace is there and he’s panicked and desperate and she’s never seen him like this - never been allowed to see him like this. He is vulnerable and trusting in a way she has never witnessed. 

GIF Credit @thatonekimgirl

And she just wants him to be ok. She can’t bear the thought of him going through a fraction of the pain she experienced with the loss of her mum. The guilt, the despair, the anger. She wants to spare him as much pain as she can because she loves him. It’s never about thinking he isn’t strong enough to hold it, it’s not about selfishly trying to keep him as he is. She is, in that moment, so full of love and desperation that she would do anything. And she’s not thinking straight, she just wants him to be ok. Isn’t that all we want for the ones we love?

So she leaves him. Breaks every speed limit getting to the yacht club, just wants it done, wants to take the pain away, smooth the lines from Ace’s brow and wipe the tears from his face. Heal the pain bracketing his mouth as he bites his lip trying to keep the grief at bay. He knows he did the right thing, but it still hurts, still feels like it carved out a piece of him to leave someone to a death like that to save his father. And he’d do it again, even though it would kill him a little more, there’s no way he would change what he’d do, no way he wouldn’t save his father every time.

She isn’t thinking, not really. Panicked by the vulnerability, the fear, the pain, the tidal wave echo of her own grief. She can’t take that away, hasn’t even thought to, can’t imagine herself with the grief hollowed out of her bones. But she can do this for Ace, help him, save him. Doesn’t think through the consequences. Doesn’t think through what else might be taken. What this house of cards might look like when it begins to crumble down. This isn’t Nancy thinking clearly, this is Nancy acting purely on instinct - fear, grief, pain. Her own and Ace’s. And if she can’t be with him at the very least she can take away this burden, ease it for him, shoulder some piece of the load. 

But he’s right to be angry once he understands. He’s right to call her out on it. She had no right to do what she did, particularly without telling him what she was going to do. There’s no way he would have let her. And maybe that’s partly why she didn’t say anything to him before she left. Because she didn’t want him to talk her out of it, didn’t want him to have to understand what loss feels like. What regret eating you away from the inside can do to a person. 

This is where my comment from last week comes into play though. Ace has been so bad at standing up for himself, for calling Nancy out before this season. We’ve had odd moments - the Aglaeca and how angry and scared he was to be caught up in a death curse. But he’s always kept his feelings quiet and bottled until the odd moment where they explode out (see 4x02 and the passive aggressive snark and withdrawing we get from Ace). But last week we saw him standing up to Nancy, arguing, fighting, getting what he needed. And it’s left a muscle memory path for him to follow so we get not one but two fights this episode. And sure, I’d much rather there were heart eyes and curse breaking, but honestly? The fighting gives me hope. It tells me there’s still something there, there are still messy tangled feelings mixed up in all of this. And it starts to offer a more solid foundation, an equal footing for them to build off. 

To say the things they’ve kept bottled up inside, to actually call out what’s upsetting them. That it hurts that each of them seem to have moved on even though neither of them actually have. That it hurts to be around each other, to be so tied up in each other because they can’t bear to be apart. That they’re afraid, so so afraid of what might happen next - of losing each other, of trying and failing, of the possibility not living up to the reality.

GIF Credit @livelovecaliforniadreams

And the sucker punch of realisation that Ace has that Nancy isn’t moving on or as put together as she’s seemed. That they’re both still such a mess over each other and putting on a front that is far too effective because they’re both too blinded by the pain.

GIF Credit @livelovecaliforniadreams

But the real pain, because this episode is just a heaping plate of pain after pain, comes with that final confrontation at Icarus Hall where Ace finally calls Nancy out for what she did. Because it feeds into everything he already fears, that he isn’t enough as he is. That Nancy would do something to change him, to remove his pain, his grief, the painful experiences that ultimately are part of him.

GIF Credit @livelovecaliforniadreams

But with the darkest low points come a turning point, because Nancy needed to be called out. She needed to be told her actions weren’t acceptable, no matter that they came from a place of love, of trying to protect him. She has to have this moment of understanding, of Ace putting it in terms that she could understand so that she can see the damage that has been done. 

GIF Credit @livelovecaliforniadreams

They can’t start anything without getting this poison purged, without fighting their way to the truth, no matter how badly it hurts, to start from somewhere clean and whole.

Whilst I know most would rather pretend that kiss at the end didn’t happen, I would like to make one comment on how it evokes Ace even when he’s not there.

Tristan comes to Nancy filled with emptiness, not knowing who he is, something she can entirely relate to - she’s just been rightfully chewed out by Ace who has broken her heart into even smaller pieces than previously thought possible, and walked away again. And then Tristan tells her exactly what she has only ever wanted to hear from Ace - that he feels connected to her, and he kisses her. And she tries, gosh she tries to get into it. Her hands go into his hair and then jerk back out when it’s not the expected softness of Ace’s hair. She tries again and still can’t. You can see on her face that this isn’t the fireworks and mind melting best kiss of her life. This isn’t even close. But then he says “But I know I can’t walk away from you” and it immediately taps into that memory. The heartbreak is on her face and it’s not Tristan she’s thinking of then, it’s another kiss in this space, and another person’s hair, and someone she desperately wants to stay, to choose her, who has walked away from her and broken her heart so many times over these last few weeks. There’s a breath of relief when her phone rings and offers her a way out of this. Because she thought this would be easy, that this would be better, good for her. And all it’s done is serve to highlight that there’s no one but Ace for her.

So we leave them with one episode to go, broken but healing, finding parts of themselves they hadn’t realised existed, and slowly coming back to their love. Always their love, it’s tangled into everything, and we’re finally going to see that play out next week.

On a personal note, this season has been a curious one for me. I’ve overall really enjoyed it, and I think a lot of that is down to doing these analysis posts. It’s forced me to go back over the episodes in miniscule detail, and to really examine what’s happening and why. Believe me there were weeks where I finished my first watch and wanted to post this gif and be done with it.

GIF by lecoeurasesgifs

But doing these posts has pushed me to unpick what the writers have been trying to do in a way I wouldn’t normally have engaged with. So thank you for feeding the meta beast. 

I can really understand why people have found this season frustrating, there have been a lot of shall we say interesting choices, for lack of a better word. Part of that is down to the completely broken system we have where shows kinda have to act like they’re about to get cancelled at any moment, which inhibits really thoughtful, interwoven long form storytelling, or they do what Nancy Drew have done and desperately hoped they will get to keep telling these stories and then have to pivot if they’re given any sort of warning that it’s over. And in this case, means we’ve had to have a hard pivot which has shafted a lot of storylines and left a lot of fans (myself included at points) wondering what the hell is going on.

That said, I’ve still really enjoyed the journey. Not just of this season, but the whole show. It’s given me a found family to root for, supernatural shenanigans, thoughtful and well plotted storytelling, and a romance for the ages. Yes I still think we’re going to get that, despite all the roadblocks in these last few episodes. It’s been my spoopy little comfort show through some really difficult years, and I am going to miss it hugely. Thank you to anyone who has read and engaged with these posts, it’s been such a joy both writing them and then talking with people afterwards about them. We’ve got one more wild ride to see how Horseshoe Bay and the Drew Crew will be left, and I cannot wait.

[descendant-of-truth]

The amount of unexplored concepts in Zi-o is driving me insane but I can only tackle one thing per post so let's talk about Sougo for a minute

As someone who immediately clocked Sougo as having something off about him (to the point where I wrote day-one fanfiction about it), I was really expecting there to be a few episodes where we just. sat down and unpacked all of it. We didn't get that, but the crumbs we did get only solidify my opinion that Sougo is a really compelling character when you take the time to think about him.

On a surface level, Sougo is… very normal, I think. He's a cheerful guy, he's polite, he has a definite silly streak to him. He's kinda awkward, he fumbles around with Sento's catchphrase and struggles with his schoolwork. Like any good-natured protagonist, he has a drive to protect others and has no problem inconveniencing himself a bit to help someone out. These are all true things about him.

Sougo is also very good at manipulating people. And he does it by using his usual mannerisms to his advantage.

Take the episodes with Kuroto for instance. Sougo gets on Kuroto's side effortlessly by looking bright-eyed and enthusiastic about working with him, and this is completely believable to us as viewers because Sougo is always this enthusiastic. It's even relevant to his goal to become king - of course he would want to study under an actual king to get experience!

What makes this interesting is that it's only half true. Sougo isn't faking his enthusiasm, but he is faking his motivation. He doesn't want to work with Kuroto because he thinks he's cool, he wants to work with him because he wants to confirm if he's terrible first, and then take notes on how to not be terrible in the future.

And this is what makes him so good at manipulation: he knows how to channel his behaviors in such a way that he always seems genuine. Of course, it probably helps that he's often only half-faking anyway, which makes it even more convincing.

He's also usually using this skill for a good cause, but when armed with the knowledge that he became evil in the original timeline, it suddenly puts him in a different light; one where you can go "oh, so that's where he's keeping all his supervillain potential."

He displays this cunning side to him in a lot of smaller instances - using Woz's dedication to him as a means to summon him at any time, getting Geiz and Tsukuyomi to hang out with him under the pretense of their mission to keep him from turning evil, so on and so forth.

They sneak this part of him into the script all the time, and the only person to really bring it up is, interestingly enough, his mirror world self.

This scene makes me go nuts because it perfectly displays Sougo's inner conflict that he's usually really good at keeping under wraps. Though admittedly, they also make it a little unclear as to whether he was actually trying to manipulate anyone or just feels like he did anyway... but I think I've got it mostly figured out.

What's happening here, as I understand it, is that Sougo does genuinely want to save Geiz, but there is a small part of him that wants the power that comes with the Ryuga watch, too. And he does not like that part.

He knows that he's manipulated people before, and so when he notices having a second motivation here beyond his more idealistic one, he feels like he's manipulating people again. Making Tsukuyomi think that he's actually a good person when he just prompted Geiz to go sacrifice himself - he harbors a surprising amount of guilt.

And that's another key thing about Sougo that I haven't talked about yet: he hides things constantly.

Like, for example, why he wants to become king in the first place.

This is a lie. Sougo wants to become king because of a recurring dream depicting the most traumatic event of his life, where his only solace is someone telling him that he can save the world if he becomes a king.

But he insists in multiple episodes that it's just "something he's always known." He treats it very casually, despite it dramatically affecting his life plans.

Sougo treats most things with the same smiley nonchalance, honestly, in a way that can make him feel sort of detached from reality at times. But he takes things more seriously than it seems, and it's clear that he harbors a very deep sense of loneliness in him as well. Geiz and Tsukuyomi being his first real friends is one of the driving forces of the narrative, after all.

He also just drops lines like this sometimes that make me go crazy like hey has anyone checked on this guy emotionally during the entire show, I am Concerned

Like!! he says this about the possibility of him being the only person to not survive the final battle, and I know this isn't the first time he's expressed a similar sentiment and it's kind of a tradition for the protagonists of these shows to be like this but. god. and he says it while smiling

(You might be noticing a theme with Sougo and smiling through pain and you would be absolutely correct to do so)

I guess what I'm getting at with this whole post is that the appeal of Sougo's character, to me, is that he's just as much a silly, awkward guy with loads of enthusiasm as he is a cunning, clever person who knows how to lie to get the outcome he wants. He's both very cheerful and very sad on the inside, and none of these things are treated like they're in conflict with each other.

Sougo himself said it best:

And I dunno, I just think that's a really cool way to write your main hero who's working against his destiny to become evil. Or just any character in general. I both completely believe him as a hero and also never quite got rid of that "off" feeling that made me compelled to write about him when the show first started.

Zi-o as a show missed a lot of opportunities to explore things deeper, and Sougo is definitely included in that, but it never failed to keep me interested in him as a character because something about his specific combination of personality traits makes him very compelling to watch.

(He also makes the other writing flaws that much more frustrating because he's way too good of a character for these scripts)

[theamityelf]

Here I am again with a question about Naeouma, eheh.

What do you think their relationship will be like after the killing game if everything happens in the simulation? I feel like they'll be similar to Oumota, only more... softer on Makoto's side???

I'd really like to hear your thoughts about this. Thanks in advance for the reply :)

Thanks for the ask! 😁

Honestly, I haven't read very much Oumota, but as a broad answer to that question, yes.

Post-game Naeouma would kind of have two aspects to their progression: the progression of their recovery from the killing game, and the progression of their relationship. When Makoto emerges from the simulation, he doesn't really take the time to address his own feelings/trauma all that much; he just gives himself refuge from them by talking to the other survivors, being social, staying positive, looking to the future. (More on that later.)

And in terms of Kokichi's side of things, I think Makoto would be very flexible about both his recovery and his approach to their relationship, but in a way that is also increasingly dedicated to honesty.

Kokichi emerges from the simulation, and I can imagine a lot of different ways for him to be (for example I kind of like the idea of him being pretty restless until he sees Makoto again), but for this I'm going to say he pretty much commits to acting like nothing in there affected him. He treats it like a nap; just sits up, stretches, and says a cavalier hello to everyone who died in there. Whether he died before or after Makoto (and wouldn't "after" be interesting? 👀), whenever he next sees Makoto, he tries to be his normal self about it. Just "Oh, hey, Koneko! You're back! I missed you when you weren't answering my calls, so I guess you have to make it up to me! 😇"

He's not (generally) lashing out at anyone unless he thinks it would help them (because he's concerned about their recovery), but he refuses to unpack what happened in there in anything but the most brutal terms. If someone tries to talk about how something make him feel, he would just insist on giving a factual and graphic account of what happened and a vague or overdramatized reaction. Basically, what they would get from him is either, "Oh, you mean when Kaede broke her neck playing the piano sh!tty and then we all cried?" or "And then he stabbed her and her blood was all over the floorboards and it was so, so yucky and sad. But anyway, next he got executed."

Makoto is pretty permissive about Kokichi's recovery, compared to (how I imagine) Kaito would be. He's not dictating a pace or really telling him what to do at all. Makoto does push Kokichi to be honest with himself about how he feels about things, but he doesn't demand that Kokichi be honest with others about it. So, when Kokichi jokes about things to deflect or cover a genuine emotion, Makoto will often say, "You don't mean that," or "That's not true," but he won't necessarily push for Kokichi to admit that. He'll point to contradictions between what Kokichi says and what he does, and then he'll listen to Kokichi making up unconvincing explanations that paint him as a chessmaster playing a cruel game, not interrupting or arguing, just making an unconvinced face, until Kokichi eventually stops and maybe says a quiet "Fine. So maybe you're right."

Makoto gives him an understanding look, but then Kokichi turns it around on him:

"But what about you?"

"Me? I'm fine."

"That's a lie!"

And then they're talking about Makoto's feelings, and whether he's really facing them.

And as I mentioned earlier, after the killing game and as they continue to grow closer, Makoto starts to ask for more honesty from Kokichi in terms of their relationship. He still plays along with the consensual lies about anniversaries and such, but he starts challenging him more.

Maybe Makoto is chatting with Rantaro and Kokichi pops in and says something like, "You're not ready yet?"

"Huh? Ready for what?"

"Don't you remember? I asked you to dinner tonight!" (Naturally, no he didn't.)

And Makoto smiles but replies, "No, I don't remember. Guess you'll have to ask me again."

And Kokichi has to actually settle down and ask him out normally.

[rruhlreviews]

Book Review - The Bromance Book Club by Lyssa Kay Adams

I must preface this review with the fact I have a certificate in women and gender studies.

Some context is important when discussing the success of this book. This novel was a blockbuster on BookTok, so we need to examine what makes something a sensation for the BookTok audience. The basic elements of a BookTok success are a high concept, diverse representation, a heavy emphasis on tropes, and use of contemporary language and/or pop culture references. Strong plot or character arcs are a secondary focus of the BookTok audience.

A story about a baseball player sports-bro who has to read regency romance to be a better husband. This high concept is the selling point of this novel. What makes this appealing to BookTok? Toxic masculinity is a hot topic in society right now. Despite being parents, the characters are young, which appeals to the burgeoning new adult audience. We’ve got feminism and a strong female lead who loves art and activism. Sports romance is popular as well. I can see how an online audience who’s used to the jargon online would think the author was clever for using terms like “mansplaining.”

The premise was appealing and I was genuinely excited to read the book. I appreciate what the author was attempting to do! The part with Gavin doing the grand gesture and Thea playfully saying she wanted to was very sweet. Unfortunately, thepremise fell short of its potential for me. Contemporary romance isn't my typical read (though I have read and enjoyed it before), yet I went into this with an open mind. My reaction can best be summarized by: when I learned this was a BookTok fav, all of the criticisms I had made a lot more sense. BookTok is a site where trends change constantly and the media consumption cycle lasts a month if you’re lucky. How to market to this constantly shifting audience? Sell them bite-sized ideas. Emphasize tropes. A new take on the sports romance. Useless man fights for empowered wife. Unpacking toxic masculinity. Woke romance. Men are from Mars and women are from Venus, but it’s done in a feminist way this time, we promise.

Have I mentioned I don’t ascribe to the whole idea of gender?

I digress. My point is, the entire book seemed to be just these few tropes and premises. The narrative never got into the emotional depth I needed to make me care about the characters. Miscommunication as a plot device can be done well, but if you removed it from The Bromance Book Club, the entire narrative would fall apart. If the reader ever stops to wonder if men and women aren’t from two different planets, the narrative falls apart. I’m not making excuses for Gavin being oblivious to his wife’s happiness, but I must point out that Thea never communicated either. She told him to leave, so he did, then she was mad at him because he wasn’t supposed to actually leave.

The plot and characterization were weak. I was interested in Thea’s trauma, but it seemed to be glossed over to push a heavy-handed “strong woman” theme. It’s like a cake made out of all frosting. That’s the thing. BookTok wants easily consumed frosting, not a cake that requires a longer attention span or the contemplation of important concepts such as diversity and inclusion beyond a surface-level discussion. Being able to check off boxes on a representation clipboard doesn’t make a book a strong story, but that would be news to BookTok. I hate the term “woke” because it misses every single point of real social justice work, ergo it is the perfect term to describe the attempt at feminism in The Bromance Book Club, which didn't feel super feminist at all. Ultimately, the tension and comedy in the book rely on the belief that women and men are inherently different, and if you and your partner struggle to speak the same love language, it isn't a communication issue but a gender issue. Honestly, while reading, I kept thinking about the sitcom Home Improvement from the 90s which I know wasn't the intended effect. Mentally, I call this phenomenon "girlboss feminism," where the quest to create a strong female lead falls back on buzzwords and a couple tropes and ultimately has little new or interesting to say about gender.

The voice in The Bromance Book Club was a voice I recognized from other BookTok successes I’ve read. Its attempt to be witty was just edgy. The voice was self-aware, ironic, and almost felt to be poking fun at the genre as a whole, which made me wary of its sincerity. It's like when a musical has a character point out "why is everyone singing?" Personally, I'm a fan of just enjoying a genre without breaking the immersion. We’re all here to read it because we know and enjoy the general formula, and you don’t need to hit us over the head with anything. Additionally, there were sections where the author's voice bled through and it felt more like reading a rant about injustice than a story.

As a final nitpick, Courting the Countess used the phrase “male gaze” at one point and I was irked by the anachronistic language. It’s 1820, not 2020.

In conclusion, while the high concept and premise of The Bromance Book Club caught my attention, it fell short of its potential, trading a dynamic plot and characters for appealing buzzwords and a superficial attempt to discuss feminism. Because of the culture on BookTok which desires speed, surface-level representation, genre fiction that “isn’t like other genre fiction,” and easily consumed media, it was the perfect favorite for that audience. The book ultimately lacked sincerity to my eye. It felt to be showing off how not like other romances it was, and lost the heartfelt storytelling for me. TikTok as a site is all about flashy appearances with less depth.

Here I am, turning an unrelated piece of writing into a rant about society after criticizing The Bromance Book Club for doing the same thing. But this discussion is indeed part of a larger concern of mine. I worry about BookTok's potential to influence a trend of declining quality in the fiction market. I worry about the negative impact on the mental health of its userbase, afraid to show or feel things against the status quo.

Maybe I'm just not in the target audience, in which case these criticisms mean little. Maybe I read it as trying to be more than it actually was. In any case, it just wasn't for me, and that's okay, and I'm free to pick up another contemporary romance with different themes. This book certainly achieved what it meant to achieve, given its success, which I respect.

[meeks-just-wants-to-scroll]

For the ask game:

Micah: 12, 22

John: 6, 8

Oh boy!!

Micah

12- What's a headcanon you have for this character?:

Far too many. I have the bad habit of only giving interesting headcanons to my comfort characters.

A half baked headcanon I have in mind is that Micah doesn’t like dogs because his father would use the threat of being eaten by dogs to whip Micah and Amos into obedience, especially if the kids ever tired on long stretches of walking and fell behind. If Micah Bell Jr ever found a guard dog, he would shove Micah precariously close to the dog, maybe even walk Micah to the perimeter of where the dog’s leash ends so the dog will be barking and snarling a foot away from the kid.

Micah stomachs most of his fear of dogs, coming off as him being an asshole and not liking dogs to look aloof. He will yelp and get away if a dog suddenly gets in his space or barks.

22- If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?:

Woof this is a tough one. I am pretty happy with any fan fic with Micah. I have yet to read a LOT a lot of fan fics on ao3. I’ve read a few on Tumblr (the yn x Micah kind of fics).

I really like when writers accept / lean into Micah being an imperfect, unsexy, sexy man. @amrass is really good at nailing what I mean. He is a bad man! He is fat! He is unhygienic! He is old for the era! He is contradictory and sly! He is somehow a sex god yet also shy as incompetent as a virgin when it comes to genuine flirting! He slouches! I love him for all his flaws and love it when writers find a way to incorporate them instead of brushing them under the rug to make him more conventionally attractive.

John

6- What's something you have in common with this character?

!!!! Hm. I suppose it is being the “middle sibling” , having a parent who loses your trust, and “golden child” feeling.

John and Arthur have always been compared to one another (no matter how much Dutch or Hosea would deny it). Arthur will always be more accomplished because he is older. That is how I feel with my older sibling. I used to be the eldest sibling and I used to be the accomplished golden child (I still am. I still get all A’s) but with me being an adult, I am now expected to reach all these milestone and suddenly have my shit together. John is much the same, being in his 20’s and being forced to be a family man and a pillar of his gang. him disappearing from the gang was bad and foolish, but some days wish I could do the same thing. John gradually becoming disillusioned with Dutch too. This might be more fitting of Arthur, but I was raised so much by my biological mother that I struggled to see her without rose tinted glasses. It was only after she was in the hospital / died that I was able to live without her in my life and unpack what she did. It helped me realize how neglectful and emotionally abusive she was to me and my sibling. Me and John, I think we both had a realization during our long absences.

8- What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

I don’t know. I haven’t been around the fandom (rdr1 and 2) long enough to get an idea of the ins and outs of how characters are treated. From what I can tell, John is treated like a troubled rascal of a man. I feel most interpretations are faithful to the material and have value.

If I had to grab at sticks and pick something to say “this. This is what I dislike,” then I’ll say it is when John is infantalizing in Morston media. Infantilizing characters is my biggest pet peeve in fandoms. John is an adult and much of his story is about maturing. I especially hate when it is used in Morston media because it presses on a bruise when it comes to the fetishization of gay men. Strong dom / sub gay stuff where one guy is treated like an incompetent shy virgin while the other is a buff sexy sex machine makes me frown. It’s mainly just boring to interact with.

Very very few things actually go as extreme as I make it out to be. Most Morston media is fine (I assume). I’m making a strawman loosely inspired by read stuff I’ve interacted with in the past.

[luxrayz64]

hey u like saw. are the sequels good. i usually let tumblr decide what i'm gonna watch next bc it has yet to let me down and these days it seems to really fucking want me to watch the rest of the saw movies. i don't even know how many there are but they've had 20 years to make them so i assume a lot bdbjsjs

also sorry if this ask annoys u and such feel free to ignore me. but also pls know i am aware about the existence of search engines it's just those usually get me to a screenrant article instead of A Real Opinion From A Real Person, and i've been told ppl enjoy talking abt things they like so here i am

sorry for the endless rambling thank u for presumably reading it all lmao <2

OH im so happy youre asking i saw yr tags on that other post and thought long and hard about giving unsolicited advice but decided against it

so. saw sequels are kind of a mixed bag. quality kind of varies movie to movie. for the most part they're all still fun! and i do recommend most of them. key word is most of them

there are ten movies currently and an eleventh set to release next year. the saw series is very story focused, and the first seven are all direct sequels to each other. you cannot skip any of the first seven. unfortunate, because saw 3d (the 7th one) sucks ass in a way that should be studied. but it is the conclusion to that story and it is pretty funny if you can get past the misogyny

the eighth and ninth movies (jigsaw and spiral) you can definitely skip. jigsaw also sucks but not even in a funny way + its in a really weird timeline spot so everyone kind of just ignores it. spiral is good from what I've heard but its a standalone spin off. saw x is also not required viewing, it's a prequel that takes place between saw i and saw ii but it is genuinely one of the best entries in the entire series so it's definitely worth watching.

i think you should at least watch ii and iii, and keep going if you enjoyed them. saw 1-3 makes up its own trilogy pretty much, wraps up almost everything in a nice bow. it's the last movie the original writer worked on and im pretty sure he intended it as a finale.

the following movies are pretty fun still and continue on the narrative in an interesting way, they retcon the established lore bc of course they do but they do it in an interesting way. hoffman is my favourite punching bag i want to put that man under a microscope. and saw vi is like genuinely one of my favourite movies ever. my favourite traps in the series besides reverse beartrap are in saw v. so like there is still a lot to love past saw iii! but you can stop there if you don't feel a need to keep going. if you can make it through saw iii you can definitely make it through the rest of the series, that's about where they hit their stride in terms of like sfx, gore/traps etc.

tldr they are FUN!!!!! not always good but they are fun. so so so much to unpack about them. its been a year ish since I watched them and i still feel a little insane about john kramers little murder cult