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mimzalot · 2 years ago

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started streaming Golden Wildfire! gonna reflect on the route as it unfolds, courtesy of your resident Claude enthusiast.

CURRENTLY PLAYING: Chapter 4

[document version]

if Three Houses glossed over the sort of wild situation that Claude has to survive every day in Garreg Mach then this route has started with a bang by opening with conflict at the Fodlan-Almyran border. bold move! and I certainly am endlessly curious about this impending intrigue - in fact I have spent the last four years (four years!) since Three Houses musing about Claude’s relationship to his home nations, and the nations’ relationships to one another, and what that conflict means for Claude and everybody else.

do I trust the writers with it? not really. am I gonna try and play it in good faith anyway? evidently. so let’s get into it~ 🏹

right off the bat I can tell there’s stuff in this route that’s gonna make me uncomfortable, sometimes in the fascinating and deliberate way, and sometimes in the “oh I feel like an accomplice to/victim of a hate-crime” way. this is not really a surprise when it comes to Fire Emblem but it deserves a mention regardless, as I think Golden Wildfire’s going to be a rollercoaster that will frustrate me as much as it intrigues me. I’ll have the additional challenge of having to articulate how I feel about it off the dome, as a biracial POC playing to a mixed-bag stream audience. so, in short: occasional yikes are inevitable.

but such is the price I pay for Claude. ahh Claude, my beloved. when first I played Three Houses I was drawn to the game by him, not expecting him to be everything I enjoyed in a character. other than just being generally *chefs kiss* impeccable, he also conveyed some nuanced mixed-race experiences rarely expressed in a lot of media I’ve engaged with. that he sprouted from a game that frequently overshoots its own political intrigue and bungles character resolutions like FE3H surprised me, but I was happy to pluck the fluff and dirt off my darlings and make the best of what had been provided -- a bizarrely relatable, endlessly complex nice young man having a terrible, no good, very bad time.

I already got a whiff of this from playing Scarlet Blaze first, and it’s vindicating to see Three Hopes elaborate on something I’ve been clawing at walls trying to convey since the first game: Claude is light-hearted, but his situation is not. it always blew my mind to hear people say that Claude was the “good vibes house leader” in 3H only to play the game and find a character that would flippantly laugh about threats on his life, occasionally mention that he exists at the hostile junction of two warring nations, and ultimately find himself in the impossible position of an anti-war leader operating during a war. across two nations. both warring. yes, yes, he’s quite a funny guy, but his circumstances are abysmal, and a big part of that agony comes from the role he occupies -- that which he is saddled with, and that which he takes upon himself.

this was not a position easily occupied, and I was delighted to find that Claude was intelligently portrayed as a character whose ideals had to bend to the demands of leadership, resulting in morally-grey decisiveness, diplomatic juggling, and one of my favourite things to explore in fiction: the pragmatic, sometimes paradoxical pursuit of “non-violence” during war, and as a solution to war.

already in Three Hopes (I played SB first) I sense they’re leaning a little harder on showing Claude’s struggle with this, including some hints at the unbearably high bar he sets for himself. he doesn’t wear accountability like Dimitri or Edelgard in 3H - it’s always a little more cavalier, something you have to read between the lines to spot and understand. but this game is a tad more forthright with it, pulling back the disguise of “Master Tactician” to plainly show Claude in a perpetual state of, well... this:

and nothing exacerbates this like the situation they’ve started the game with. it’s dramatic irony that makes the first three chapters really sting: we know by now that Claude is Almyran, and are placed in an uncomfortable position of puttering around the camp listening to the people Claude calls his friends talking at length about the brutish Almyrans invading at Fodlan’s Throat.

this is technically good set-up. Claude is here to fix a problem, and this is our first experience of the problem -- lacking communication and education means that neither side knows who they’re fighting, or why, just that they have to. with the Church of Seiros already positioned as a questionable but overbearing presence in ch. 2 (“Why are we being sent here to fight? Church school said so.”) it begs to reason that showing the consequences of Fodlan’s intensely insulated culture starts with these uncomfortable scenes. they are, after all, born from the fear of not knowing. Claude as an antithesis to ignorance-based conflict makes a habit of overcoming fear by knowing everything.

so there are some pretty ick conversations happening around camp, and that’d honestly be something I’d be fine to reckon with as a narrative choice -- if not for the visceral discomfort and sharp drop in faith that came in the form of Shahid’s introductory scene.

let’s get this out the way: I did not spend four years mopping my tears about all these Lords and Royals to see Shahid and not immediately think “bratty king? I can fix him, and/or make him worse.” especially as a foil to Claude, it’s interesting to see a foolish heir working towards the throne in a way that Khalid, and perhaps even the King of Almyra, would oppose. I’m bracing myself for his justifications, for his humanity, because he occupies an interesting political position and he’s the first family of Claude’s that we’ve seen on screen. and yes, he could just be shallowly evil, but that wouldn’t be anywhere near as fun as it being complicated and ugly, the way all the other Lords and Leaders are afforded.

alas, it is difficult to have faith that GW is gearing up to say something interesting when they introduce such a caricature of the ‘evil desert guy’ that I feel like I’m watching a Disney movie. especially when a scene shows a narrow-eyed, ashy-but-darker-skinned ‘evil’ sibling in contrast with our bright-eyed, lighter-skinned mixed-Fodlanian Claude. it’s these sort of artistic choices that threaten to undercut the same cross-cultural intrigue that this route is constructing.

the Three Hopes sprites are a bit awkward, proportionally (shout out to Margrave Gautier’s bizarrely wide mouth) but it’s a long and yucky history with depicting MENA people that makes this particularly egregious. I’m Samoan so not personally affected by this, but it is nevertheless going to take an active effort to just try to look past the way his character is drawn. I spare a wince of sympathy for my viewers that are more personally affected: it sucks, and it’s such a simple fix that it becomes even more frustrating.

he does look slightly less like a hate crime in the animated cut scenes though. “the only one who can beat me is me!” type rizz.

I actually like that his features might deviate from the typical proportions of most of our main cast, the way Hubert’ or Lorenz’s do. it is a shame to have it pushed just into the realm of caricature when there is something workable there.

nevertheless, 3H optics have betrayed themselves before (shout out, woman-enjoyers). so again, I’m going to try and brute-force past this icky design choice and try and find my bliss, which is thus: sibling drama, please, I beg. I love the garbage mish-mash of family dysfunction and political drama that happens in royal families, and it was high time that we saw a glimpse at what Claude’s other side is going through. I swear the British monarchy convinced people that wild dysfunction is reserved only for the English, but where there is power there is corruption, and where there is hereditary power struggle, by jove do you get problems -- it’s just a matter of flavour.

all that to say: I am hoping that we will be compensated for that abysmal talk-sprite with enough royal family intrigue to write home about. I would like to see Almyran politics that are just as complex as everywhere else, but culturally diverse and interesting without leaning lazily on the same fear-mongering racist rhetoric that Claude’s entire character exists to debunk. that’s my hope. my three hope. ha ha. look I’m not holding out hope for a diamond, I just kinda want a gem-shaped rock that I can polish up myself.

anyway, new spite-induced meow meow aside, let’s get back to Claude. my god! his life fucking sucks!

thinkin about this scene just before the timeskip where Claude expresses his thanks to House Goneril, and apologises for not being of more assistance. it makes my skin crawl knowing that Claude is not just thanking Holst but saying sorry to him after all the micro-and-macro aggressions he’s been weathering, but it makes a lot of sense; Claude is representing House Riegan and his grandfather, not Khalid of Almyra, and not even Claude himself. and what that shows is an important feature of diplomacy: the ability to make connections, and say what needs to be said in order to maintain good relations with his new allies.

better than that, it shows how damn good Claude is at it, despite having every reason in the world not to be. he is, in this moment, House Riegan. and with foresight, this is an interview, and this humble apology operates twofold as a promise, setting the tone for his eventual leadership and securing House Goneril as an ally.

if Claude were more selfish, more proud, more emotional or less wise, he wouldn’t be able to say things like that. it is the humility that makes people underestimate him, but it’s also what makes him so pivotal in creating and maintaining peaceful circumstances. sometimes, peace-keeping means pacifying the people in power. and especially for Claude operating in the alliance, managing expectations is key for a leader. he’s clever, this is strategic, and I’m excited to see Claude juggle the egos and roles of all the nobles around him.

but it’s tough, right? this is a situation that rewards Claude for not behaving like a human ought to. I like to imagine the way his smile falters when the Almyrans are spoken of like barbarians, agitation ticking along in the back of his mind while he forces himself to speak the niceties that will benefit everyone in the long-run. he’s only seventeen. we hear a lot about noble obligation, but there is no greater pragmatic noble obligation in Leicester than managing the other nobles, and Claude has that skill in spades -- hard won, but effective, with an eventual payoff to make all that juggling worthwhile. sometimes. maybe.

speaking of noble obligations, good lord that bit where Lorenz snaps that they must execute Tomas and Claude has to remind him that dead men don’t talk... I’ll inevitably end up talking plenty about Lorenz as the game goes on because he is a fascinating foil, so remind me later to talk about the things that make Lorenz a good noble, bad leader, and eventual good ally later.

and on the topic of fascinating foils...

man. I was not expecting Shez.

for those unaware, my read of Claude in 3H was that he mostly saw Byleth as a curiosity pre-timeskip, then brought them on as a means to an end post-timeskip. room for interpretation about how they develop after that, but generally most of my Byleth and Claude interactions boiled down to this thinly-veiled hostility and how it evolved into apologetic manipulation and mutual care.

Shez is different, right off the bat. I can see Claude working them over, but there’s something very new about the vibes of Claude approaching a peer he finds suspect. it has the same echo of how he treated Byleth, and even Marianne, but there’s a difference that I can’t quite put my finger on, and I suspect it comes from Shez just being a much more talkative character, plus the dramatic irony of vaguely knowing where Shez’s story might be heading. they’re not harbouring the goddess, nor a cursed beast, but a secret third thing :’l (and god I’m so excited to see what’s up with Shez, they’ve been impressing me as a protag since I started this game, I don’t think I’ve liked a FE avatar this much since Robin)

the way I characterised Shez has him coming off a little arrogant and brash, compared to my previous Shez, who seemed mostly daft and down-to-earth and is currently committing girlboss crimes in Adrestia in an alt timeline. I’m so used to overlooking the avatar character that I hardly realised just how much potential Shez holds in this route, as a sellsword brought onto the squad of the guy that wants to avoid bloodshed. honestly I’m pretty astounded by the raw fire of intrigue it’s set alight in my brain. Shez thrived under Edelgard because they always had work. and now they’re struggling under Claude, and we’re seeing just how vile the war machine is that it will make peace an inconvenience to the merc economy.

just before I finished the stream, I played the opening scene of the timeskip: where Shez is struggling to make ends meet by being a mercenary in a peaceful alliance. therein lies the intrigue of this pair-up. Claude wants peace. Shez needs to fight to live. so how do we reconcile this?

already it seems that Claude mmmiiight have just deliberately forced scarcity on Shez in order to easily manipulate them into a) not moving into a different nation when Claude still doesn’t know what’s up with him and b) taking up his first offer of becoming a commander, which is exactly the morally dubious pragmatism that I love to see in my Alliance leader - but who’s to say? it’s not as if it’s the same method he used to flush out Bergliez’s army in the SB route, forcing their hand by starving their troops with hopes they’d choose surrender...

guess we’ll find out next time, eh? but oh, is my spotlight shining on these funny little guys.

and quickfire round: Nader’s still lookin’ handsome, love that Claude’s opinion of Shez rises every time I side-eye the church, and Arval continues to enthrall my entire brain.

and. yeah. that’s a majority of my first impressions of the GW route. not even all of them but this is like an entire essay and I’m only just past the prologue. tl;dr more of the same Claude goodness, something new and tense in Almyra lore, and then something new and unexpected in Shez. and we’ll see where the rest takes us.

thanks for reading, all the best!

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#golden wildfire #three hopes #fire emblem warriors: three hopes #claude von riegan #mimzameta #mimzamine

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baepsaesbae · 4 years ago

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Spring Will Come Again

Pairing— Jeon Jungkook x reader

Genre— Photographer!Jungkook x Baker!reader, SMUT +18, fluff, angst, Virgin!Jungkook, Sub!Jungkook, Switch!Jungkook

Warnings— Finger sucking, unprotected sex, multiple orgasms, squirting (?), slight choking, there are a lot of emotions, Jungkook is literally so sweet gosh I just wanna hold him tight, this fic is kind of a rollercoaster of emotions bc I myself do b going thru it

Word Count— ~10.9k

Summary— Springtime generally brings new beginnings, but being stuck in a small town all your life means nothing ever changes. Finally, something, or rather, someone, stumbles into your life. Can this shy boy manage to change your life forever?

A/N— This beautiful banner was made by @dee-ehn! Please let me know what you think of this fic! Hope you guys enjoy~

It all started on a beautiful spring day. Something had convinced you to go on an unprecedented early morning walk for some reason.

The morning air was cold but crisp. You were bundled up in your favorite sweater, and the scarf that your grandmother knitted for you was wrapped snugly around your neck. Normally you would be immersed in your headphones, but since today was already unusual you decided to forgo the music.

You walked along the banks of the stream that flowed next to your neighborhood. This particular stream held nothing but fond memories. You grew up here with all the other kids. During the summer breaks, you’d play out here from morning to nightfall. This was the place where you saw your first fireflies, and where you won your first fist fight.

You stopped to sit on the grassy hill that ran alongside the banks, relishing in nostalgia as you took in a breath of fresh air. Everything is so different now. Everyone moved away to pursue their careers or to go to a big university. You were the only one left. Your parents urged you to go to college, but you refused. Who else would help run the bakery?

As much as you hated to see it, your parents were growing old. Managing the family bakery was getting harder on them. You were such a huge help to them since you basically managed all of the front-of-house work. They worked diligently in the kitchen every day to create the best baked goods in town.

You had always dreamt of leaving this small town. You’ve fantasized about attending a big university in the middle of a bustling city since you were a little kid. Unfortunately, that can’t happen now. You can’t leave your parents or the bakery behind. You held no resentment though, you loved it. Being an only child was a bit lonely at times, but your parents made you feel loved no matter what.

You laid on the grassy hill, watching the clouds roll by. Maybe life was better this way. It was simple, and you always knew what to expect. Day in and day out, the routine was always the same.

Everything changed on that day. That was the fateful day that you ran into him. Or rather, he ran into you.

“Good morning, ____! Where were you this morning? Why weren’t you answering your phone?” your concerned mother asked when you returned home.

“Morning mom. I went on a walk and forgot my phone I guess. Sorry about that. I ended up laying on the hill by the stream,” you replied as you sat at the breakfast table.

Living with bakers was probably one of the biggest blessings in your life. Every meal smelled delectable and you had access to all the fresh goodies you could desire.

“Wow, you were awake before we were? What a surprise. Here, tell me what you think of this loaf,” your dad set it in front of you.

You tossed a piece of bread into your mouth. The taste was savory to say the least. It was your father’s signature banana bread loaf, only this time with a small twist.

“Why’d you take out the walnuts? It’s still delicious though,” you said, devouring another piece.

“Well so many customers complain about having nut allergies now. I thought we could sell more if we take them out! You think we can sell this?” he asked eagerly.

“I think this will be our newest best seller!” you happily replied, “I’m gonna go open up the shop. See you guys soon,” you kissed them each on the cheek before taking your leave.

The bakery was down the street from your house, so the commute was only about 5 minutes even if you walked slowly. You brought your phone with you this time, so you were jamming out to your music, oblivious to the outside world. You were so out of it, that you didn’t have time to react to the person quickly rounding the corner.

One moment you were walking to work, the next you were knocked onto the cold hard ground. Your assailant fell on top of you, and you soon locked eyes with him. It was as if time stood still for a moment. He was the most beautiful boy you’ve ever seen. His eyes were wide with concern, and for a moment, you swore you saw stars twinkling within them.

It took a second to register that this stranger was on top of you, in a compromising position no less. You’ve never been this close to a boy since...well it has been a while. Your legs were intertwined and his nose was only inches from yours.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry! I didn’t see you until the last second,” the boy apologized as he scrambled to get off of you.

As he helped you up, you reassured him that you were fine. You laughed off the incident and took the boy by surprise. You had the most angelic laugh he’d ever heard. He stood awkwardly gazing at you, before you asked him if he was okay.

“I-I’m fine! I’m glad you’re okay. I apologize again for being so careless,” he bowed.

“I’m also at fault! I wasn’t paying attention either. So shame on both of us,” you smiled to show him you were joking, “Enjoy the rest of your day, don’t run into anyone else!”

And with that, you parted ways. You forgot about the stranger as the morning rush piled into the bakery.

Despite being located in a small town, your parent’s were nationally renowned bakers. The bakery was always busy. That was part of why you loved it so much, you were never bored. The regular customers were your favorite. Most of the townsfolk had been coming to the bakery since you were little.

“Is this banana bread new?” Mrs. Park, the local florist, asked.

“Technically, yes. It’s the exact same recipe but without the walnuts,” you replied.

“Perfect! I’m not too fond of walnuts but I adore your parents’ banana bread,” Mrs. Park beamed, handing you a loaf along with other goods she picked up.

“How’s Jimin?” you asked as you rang her up.

“Oh he’s doing well! He loves it out there in the big city. At first, I was terrified of letting him go. He’s just always been so passionate about dancing, I finally had to cave in. He recently auditioned to be part of some fancy dance crew, and he got in! Can you believe it?” Mrs. Park began to dote on her son.

“That’s amazing! I’m happy for him,” you smiled.

“You know, ____, Jimin is still single. You two would be perfect together--”

“Long distance relationships are hard, Mrs. Park,” your mother interrupted her, swooping in to save the day. Thank god. You wouldn’t have known how to react.

“She could always move out to the city to be with him!” Mrs. Park retorted, not picking up on the awkward situation she created.

“I could never leave the bakery,” you responded quickly.

“Ah, yes that’s right. You have such a good daughter, Mrs. _____. Jimin never took any interest in taking over the family business. I’m jealous of you!” Mrs. Park said to your mom.

After what seemed like an eternity, Mrs. Park finally left. You were fond of her, but she never knew when to stop talking. Jimin was a good friend of yours growing up. You never wanted to admit that you had a huge crush on him. You figured it wouldn’t have mattered anyway, since he was so fixated on moving out.

The morning rush had died down. You took this opportunity to restock and tidy things up before the afternoon rush. The store bell rang, indicating the arrival of another customer.

“Welcome in! I’ll be with you shortly,” you called out from behind the counter.

“No worries, thanks!” the customer yelled back.

Once finished, you popped up with a bright smile on your face. Your parents taught you to always greet the customers with a smile as soon as they walk in.

However, the customer wasn’t facing your direction. He was looking at the baked goods that aligned the opposite wall. You patiently waited for him to make his selection. He kept walking back and forth, eyeing all of the baked items. You left your station behind the counter and approached him.

“Can I help you with anything, sir?” you piped up behind him.

The man jumped back, startled.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you,” you apologized.

“It’s okay! I didn’t hear you at all. You must be some sort of ninja-- Oh it’s you!” the boy turned around to face you.

It was the gorgeous boy who ran into you earlier.

“Hello again! I guess it was my turn to frighten you,” you joked.

“That’s fair,” he nodded, “What’s the best thing here?”

“Mmm that’s hard for me to say, considering that I love them all. What kind of tastes and textures do you like?” your customer service persona kicked in.

“I like sweet things I guess? I like bananas too…” he trailed off.

“We don’t have any bananas in fruit form, but we do have killer banana bread,” you beamed.

“That sounds good, but I don’t really like nuts so--”

“There are no nuts in our new recipe! You must be lucky, this is the first day that we’ve started selling them. Want me to ring you up a loaf?” you interrupted him.

“Oh no nuts? Okay, I’ll try it,” he agreed quietly.

“Would you still like to get something sweet as well?”

“Yeah, if that’s okay,” he nodded timidly.

“Of course it’s okay! My personal favorite is our milk pudding bun. The pudding in the middle is pretty creamy plus the bread is unbelievably soft! If that’s not for you, then we have a classic chocolate bun filled with, surprise surprise, chocolate. We also have…” you led the boy around the entire bakery.

You were too focused on recommending various breads to notice him stealing glances at you that lingered longer than normal. He patiently let you talk his ear off about the goodies.

“I’ll go with the milk pudding bun,” he smiled shyly.

“That was the first one! You should’ve stopped me from rambling,” you huffed.

“I wanted to know my options. Plus you seemed pretty happy,” he added softly.

“Alright, let’s go check you out then,” you headed to the counter, “I haven’t seen you before. What brings you to our little town?” you attempted to make conversation.

“Mmm, to get away, I guess,” the boy said after a pause.

“Are you in some sort of trouble?” you leaned over the counter to whisper.

“Kind of,” he whispered back.

“Stay right here, I can call the police,” you frantically murmured as you whipped out your phone.

“No no! Not like that,” he couldn’t contain his laughter, “I’m a fine arts student. My main focus is photography, but lately I haven’t been able to capture anything worth printing,” he explained.

“Ohhh,” you said, feeling dumb, “Then why come to a town in the middle of nowhere? You won’t find much here.”

“To an untrained eye, maybe so. But to a professional, beauty can be found anywhere,” he said proudly.

“Then why can’t you find anything back home? And aren’t you still a student?” you questioned.

“You know, I was really hoping that you’d let me have that,” the boy deflated.

“Aw, I’m sorry! If you ever want to take photos of the beauty that is bread, you’re always welcome here,” you smiled.

“I might take you up on that offer,” he said as he grabbed the purchased goods, “What’s your name by the way?”

“____. Yours?”

“Jeon Jungkook.”

“I’ll see you around, Mr. Jeon Jungkook. Oh! And if you’d like a tour of the town, I’d be more than happy to show you around,” you suggested.

“That would be nice,” Jungkook pondered, “Where can I find you?”

“I’m here every day. I get off at 3pm,” you answered.

“Cool. I’ll drop by tomorrow, if that’s okay?”

“Sure! See you then!” you waved goodbye.

“Who was that?” your mother asked when the boy left.

“Some photography student that said he wanted to get away for some inspiration. I offered to give him a tour tomorrow after work,” you explained.

“Do you want me to come with you?” your dad offered.

“I’ll be fine on my own, thanks,” you quickly turned him down.

You spent the next morning frantically flip flopping between outfits. Should you go with a pretty top paired with a skirt? Or perhaps keep it casual with a t-shirt and jeans? Or should you go with a simple dress? You know you’re supposed to be a tour guide, but you still wanted to look somewhat presentable. You settled for the dress. It gave off a “cute but not trying too hard” type of vibe.

Time seemed to slowly drag on as you waited for Jungkook to return. You had already mapped out your route, making sure it was efficient (not like there’s much to see anyway). You wanted to surprise him with a picnic at the end of the tour. Hopefully it could help show off the natural beauty of the forests and meadows that surrounded the town. As the clock approached 3pm, you began to wonder if springing a surprise picnic on a stranger was odd. Oh god, what if it was? You hadn’t had much interaction with people your age once all your friends went off to live their own lives. Panic was starting to set in when the front bell chimed.

“Hey! I’m a little early, but I can wait around until you’re finished,” Jungkook greeted you. You noticed a fancy looking camera dangling around his chest.

“It’s all good! Business has been slow today, I’ve been bored,” you admitted.

“Oh I see--” Jungkook was cut off.

“Hi! I’m ____’s mom. Did you like the bread you bought yesterday?” your mom materialized out of nowhere with a pan of fresh bread in her hands.

“It was delicious! Better than anything I could get in the city,” Jungkook complimented.

“Why did you batch a new batch? No one has come in after 1pm,” you aggressively whispered to your mom.

“I got bored,” she pouted, “Here, have one! On the house, think of it as a welcoming present to our town,” she motioned for Jungkook to take a fresh loaf off the tray.

Jungkook’s face lit up at the offer as he thanked her for the snack. His smile lingered as he took a bite, savoring the taste.

“You must have some sort of good luck charm; you’re getting even more free food later,” you chuckled as you plopped a wicker basket onto the checkout counter.

“Sweet,” he beamed.

You let out a small sigh of relief. It didn’t seem like Jungkook was creeped out by the thought of eating with a stranger. With the basket in hand, you led Jungkook across the town. There truly wasn’t much to see. Your family’s bakery was in line with the rest of the town’s shops. You passed by the florist, the cafe, the grocery store, and the post office within the first 3 minutes just by walking down the street. You added in little personal stories with each business that you pointed out.

Jungkook paused by the flower shop, in awe of all the beautiful arrangements. His eyes scanned the outside displays, as if he was looking for something.

“Need something specific, dear?” Mrs. Park asked her potential customer.

“Do you have Tiger flowers?” he inquired.

“Tiger… No, but I can probably order some for you,” she offered.

“Ah, that’s alright. I’m sorry to bother you,” Jungkook apologized before rejoining you.

“Did you wanna take a picture of that specific flower?” you asked him as you strolled along the sidewalk.

“Yeah, it’s my birth flower,” he shyly nodded.

“Oh nice! I don’t know what my birth flower is, but yours sounds pretty. Ah, here is the town square. Over there is the courthouse/government building/boring stuff happens in there probably,” you said as you pointed out the building.

“This is cool,” Jungkook examined a decrepit well that stood in front of the courthouse.

“I guess. I always thought it would be better if they replaced it with a big pretty fountain or something,” you mentioned as you looked down into the dark abyss of the well.

Jungkook said nothing as he began taking pictures of the well from various angles. You watched him frown at each picture he took before he tried to take another.

“Maybe you could take a picture looking into the well? I mean, you’d probably have to stand on it to get a full shot and your feet will be in it but…” you suggested before realizing that you knew nothing about photography.

Jungkook immediately hopped onto the well, disregarding the loose pebbles that crumbled away under his weight. Pointing the camera directly down into the well, he snapped a couple of pictures. He didn’t bother hopping off of the well before scrolling through the pictures he just took. You caught yourself staring at him, admiring his features. His eyebrows were furrowed in concentration, his lips were pursed, and the wind was blowing his bangs over his forehead ever so slightly. He really was a handsome boy, though he seemed to be completely unaware of it.

“How’d it turn out?” you asked as he climbed down.

“Not bad actually. Better than the angles I took at first,” Jungkook smiled with approval, “I’ll show you after I touch them up.”

“I’m excited to see! Also, this basically concludes the tour because everything else is residential stuff. Unless you wanna take pictures of random people’s homes,” you joked.

“I’m good. Is this where we’re eating? I kinda skipped lunch,” Jungkook looked at the wicker basket in your hand.

“Nope! I’m gonna take you somewhere special. Are you okay with a bit of light hiking?”

“Sounds fun,” Jungkook grinned.

“Perfect! Now it’s your turn to lug this thing around,” you said as you handed him the deceptively heavy basket.

You took him to the outskirts of town, where nature was left untouched.

“Is this where all the cool kids have their picnics?” Jungkook asked as you led him down an old trail.

“All the cool kids left this town a while ago, so I can’t speak on their behalf. However, this is where I like to have my picnics so take that in whatever way you please,” you responded.

It was a sunny day on the verge of being too hot, but the densely wooded forest provided enough shade to make it comfortable. Your parents used to take you on walks in these woods when you (and they) were younger. Of course, now the hilly paths and loose soil would only wreak havoc on your parents’ old knees. You’ve grown accustomed to exploring on your own. Bringing Jungkook along was a pleasant change.

“You okay with eating here?” you suddenly stopped, pointing over to a field just off the trail.

“I’ll eat anywhere, I’m starving,” Jungkook quickly nodded.

“I’m fully aware of that; I could barely hear the birds chirping over the sounds of your stomach growling,” you teased.

An old tree that was large enough to cover up the entire picnic blanket with shade proved to be the ideal spot. Jungkook set down the wicker basket that you assigned to him earlier, eagerly waiting for you to finally open it.

“On the menu today we have fruits as an appetizer, ham and cheese sandwiches in homemade croissants as the main course, and last but not least, chocolate buns for dessert,” you proudly showcased each item.

“I never knew bread could taste so heavenly until I went to your bakery. I’m happy I walked in,” Jungkook praised as he wolfed down his sandwich.

“It’s not my bakery, it’s my parents’ bakery,” you corrected him as you ate the fruit.

“Don’t you work in it nearly every day? I don’t see how it’s not your bakery too,” Jungkook insisted.

“I’m not the one running the business,” you argued.

“You seem to put in the same amount as work as them. Instead of baking, you’re handling all of the customers. That’s gotta count for something, right?” Jungkook persisted.

“Fine, I guess you could say it’s a family bakery. Happy?” you huffed, clearly annoyed.

“Hey, I wasn’t trying to make you angry. I’m sorry if I overstepped,” Jungkook apologized, putting his sandwich down, “I wanted to let you know how much I love your family’s bread, that’s all.”

“No, it’s fine. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped at you. It’s just…” your trailed off as you gazed at the blue sky.

“I don’t want to pry, but I’m happy to sit here and listen,” Jungkook offered.

“I don’t want to scare you away by dumping my personal issues on you,” you tried to lighten the mood.

“I don’t think you could do that, ____,” Jungkook assured you.

Your eyes widened ever so slightly since he caught you off guard with his sincerity, but soon you gave him a soft smile.

“Fine, since we’re just sitting here anyway,” you caved as you picked up your sandwich, “I wish I wasn’t here anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents and I love the bakery. I just wish I got to go to a big city somewhere and attend a real university. I don’t know what I’d study, I just know that I thought my life would be different by now,” you turn away from him to hide your watery eyes.

“It’s not all that great,” Jungkook responded after a short pause, “I came from a small town too. The only difference was that it was along a beach, not by a forest. Wait, the location doesn’t matter,” he quietly scolded himself, “What I’m trying to say is that I did get away from my hometown. I was so excited to finally be a city kid. I didn’t realize how overwhelming it would be. Now look at me. I’m a senior in college with no direction in life. That’s what I get for choosing a career with no job security,” he chuckled as he looked down at the camera around his neck.

“But are you doing what you love?” you quietly asked.

“I think so. Are you?” he asked back.

“I think so,” you sighed, finally turning to look at him.

“I could always take you back to the city with me,” Jungkook flashed you a big bunny smile.

“Don’t joke with me like that. I hate getting my hopes up,” you playfully punch him in the arm.

“I’m not joking!” he yelped in surprise.

The conversation turned into a more cheerful one. You both spoke about your dreams, both childhood and present day. It was fun talking with Jungkook as you both watched the clouds roll by without a care in the world.

“Maybe you could get some pretty shots of some wildlife while we’re out here,” you recommended when the conversation came to a pause.

“Do you want to model for me?” Jungkook asked.

“Huh?” his sudden proposal surprised you.

“It’s completely okay if you don’t want to! Actually, just forget I said anything,” Jungkook looked down at the camera in his hands in a futile attempt to hide his flushed cheeks.

“Just tell me how to pose,” you smiled, already getting up.

“Uh, just act natural,” he said awkwardly as you leaned against the thick tree trunk.

At first, you made some silly poses that made Jungkook laugh. To be honest, you only did that because you really didn’t know how to pose next to the tree while making it look natural. Forcing a smile, you attempted to lean on the tree like as if it were another person.

“You don’t have to fake a smile,” Jungkook called from behind the camera.

“I don’t know what to do!” you called back.

“Act natural!”

“How do I do that?”

“Naturally!”

His response rewarded him a sarcastic eye roll, followed by a burst of laughter. Jungkook furiously clicked his camera as you laughed even harder. He praised you for ‘being in your natural state’ as he took shots from ridiculous angles. He gave you a thumbs up after he was satisfied with the impromptu photoshoot.

“Is laughing until I can’t breathe just me being in my natural state?” you asked playfully as you sat back down on the picnic blanket.

“It was authentic, so I would say so. I wish I could capture sound too, your laugh is so cute,” Jungkook said nonchalantly as he scrolled through the photos.

His eyes widened as soon as he realized what he said. He opened his mouth to try and take it back, or at least cover it up. He looked over at you shyly, only to see that you were digging out dessert from the basket. He let out a sigh of relief. Thankfully, you didn’t hear him.

“How were the pictures?” you asked, scooting to sit beside him after handing him the dessert.

“See for yourself,” he proudly showed you.

You were amazed by his talent. Even without editing, the photos looked like they were ready to be submitted into a contest. Everything looked so perfect. Your smile was genuine, the lighting was optimal, and your hair looked surprisingly good. You applauded him for his talent, to which he bashfully denied by saying he was still such an amatuer. You both finally dug into the desserts.

“These chocolate buns were amazing,” Jungkook licked his lips after he finished it.

“They’re my personal favorite! They’re also the best things that I can make on my own,” you winked at him as you finished yours.

“You made these?” Jungkook’s doe eyes filled with awe.

“Yep! Don’t act so surprised,” you pouted.

“Sorry, it’s just that you told me your parents bake everything. These were really good! Probably the best things I’ve had since--oh wait. You have a little something,” Jungkook leaned forward to wipe the corner of your mouth with his thumb.

You both froze for a second, in shock of this intimate gesture. Jungkook’s mouth opened to apologize, but you stopped him before he had the chance. Without thinking about it, you put your mouth around his thumb. You sucked on it for a second before you snapped back to reality. You started apologizing profusely the instant his thumb left your mouth.

“It’s okay! I shouldn’t have touched you in the first place,” Jungkook shied away from you, refusing to look you in the eyes.

“I don’t know what came over me,” you apologized as you grabbed his hand.

Jungkook looked at you with an embarrassed expression the moment you held his hand in yours. At first you didn’t realize why he was so embarrassed, you were the one sucking his thumb. But then, you noticed Jungkook sheepishly resting his other hand in his lap.

“Jungkook,” you said sweetly.

“Yes?” he answered, his eyes averting yours once more.

“Do you want me to do it again?”

“Huh?” he looked back at you with disbelief.

You made a bold move as you moved to straddle his lap, each leg settling beside his waist. You brought his hand up to your mouth and batted your eyes innocently.

“Like this,” you say before licking his pointer finger.

Jungkook gulped while slowly nodding his head, giving you permission to continue. His eyes stayed glued on you as you wrapped your lips around his finger. You dragged your flattened out tongue from the base to the tip. You then reversed this motion, but instead only using the tip of your tongue. You began to work on his middle finger as well. It was hard to fit his long fingers in your mouth, but you’re no quitter. Your tongue weaved between his fingers, adequately coating them with your saliva.

Jungkook’s breaths quickened the longer you went on. You felt a bulge grow between your thighs as you straddled him. Perhaps wearing a dress was a great idea after all. Your hips began to move on their own as you slowly grinded on Jungkook.

“____…” Jungkook moaned quietly when you daringly took three fingers into your mouth.

Rubbing your clothed pussy against his hard crotch spurred you on even more. Drool was dribbling down Jungkook’s arm and your chin, but neither of you cared. It just made you look more erotic to him. His other hand was on your hip to help you maintain a rhythm. You opened your eyes to make contact with his as you suckled his fingers. That’s all it took to make him come undone.

He quickly pushed you off of him as he cried out. You were both too shocked to say anything for a few seconds. Jungkook seemed too embarrassed to look you in the eyes again, his cheeks bright red.

“Jungkook, I--” you started to apologize.

“You probably think I’m pretty lame huh? Cumming in my pants like some sort of middle schooler,” he looked down in defeat.

“What? No, of course not!” you disagreed.

“Don’t lie,” Jungkook refused to believe you.

“Jungkook, that was honestly the hottest thing I’ve ever done. What we just did was hotter than when I was actually having sex,” you tried to cheer him up.

“You’re not lying?” Jungkook finally looked up at you with sad puppy dog eyes.

“I swear I’m not. I could help you clean it up, if you’d like,” you offered.

“I think that would make me feel worse. Just hand me some napkins and I’ll go take care of it myself,” he declined.

You packed everything up while you waited for Jungkook to return. He discreetly threw away the ball of used napkins into the designated trash bag, praying to god that you weren’t looking.

The walk back was quiet and awkward. Neither of you knew what to say. You were horrified with how you acted; you’ve never been so bold before. Jungkook was ashamed of cumming before he had the chance to do anything to you. He felt so pathetic.

“I’m sorry for making you so uncomfortable, Jungkook,” you finally apologized.

“Are you kidding? You think I would cum that fast if I was uncomfortable?” Jungkook looked at you with incredulity, “I’m the one who should be sorry. I’m disgusting and came in my pants while you did all the hard work.”

“You’re not disgusting at all, Jungkook. I enjoyed it too. I can’t remember the last time I was that horny,” you laughed.

All the tension in the air had disappeared. Jungkook bounced back to being his cheery self. The conversation went back to normal as you brought him back to the bakery. You hugged him goodbye and were about to leave when he caught your hand.

“Thank you so much for the tour. I know we’ve only known each other for a day but... would you like to go on a date with me?” Jungkook asked with a hopeful look in his eyes.

“No,” you said firmly, watching his shoulders fall, “I’d love to go on a date with you,” you smirked.

“You jerk!” Jungkook gasped.

You couldn’t help it, he was too easy to tease. After working out the details, it was decided that he would come pick you up on Friday night.

Jungkook took you to basically the only restaurant in town (that wasn’t the cafe). It was a family run Italian eatery, and it took Jungkook by surprise.

“Is everyone in this place a master chef or something? This is delicious!” he praised as he ate his pasta.

“I guess it’s the authenticity of family recipes? You probably eat at more chain restaurants while you’re in the city,” you shrugged as you twirled noodles around your fork.

The date went on pleasantly. Jungkook wanted to know as much about you as you did him. The conversations you had were lively and fun; there was never a dull moment with him. Something about him just automatically clicked with you.

“What’s your favorite thing to photograph?” you asked.

“I like taking pictures of landscapes and buildings. That’s why I was super excited about going to a university in the city. It’s a lot easier than taking pictures of people! Unfortunately, that’s where the money is right now,” he explained.

“You don’t like taking pictures of people?”

“Not really, no,” he answered bluntly.

“Then why did you ask me to model for you?” you were genuinely curious.

Jungkook froze in his seat. He took a long sip of his drink before answering you.

“For practice, I suppose,” he said softly.

“I’m happy I was able to help then,” you smiled, thinking nothing of it.

Jungkook seemed grateful that you didn’t press for more details, and was soon coaxed out of his shy shell once the topic of anime came around. You were happy that he took you out on a proper date, you hadn’t been on one in so long.

He walked you back under the pale moonlight. You were admiring the twinkling stars when you realized that Jungkook hadn’t said anything in a while. His hand awkwardly brushed against yours when you first left the restaurant, but you didn’t think much of it. Jungkook seemed to be thinking hard about something as he walked alongside you. You were going to say something when the back of his hand brushed against yours again. He instantly pulled away and uttered a small “sorry”.

“What’s wrong, Jungkook?” you were worried now, you thought the date went well.

“Nothing…,” his voice trailed off as he looked away.

You interlocked his pinky with yours without a word. Jungkook looked over at you with surprise, but said nothing. He admonished himself for not committing to hold your hand, but he was happy with this too. In fact, he thought it was cuter than actual hand holding.

You arrived in front of your house. Bidding Jungkook goodnight, you went in for a hug. Jungkook also went in for a hug, but he leaned the same way you did. In a quick bumble, your lips grazed the corner of Jungkook’s, causing you to jump back. You stood in Jungkook’s arms, looking away in embarrassment. He brought up one of his hands to cup your cheek, forcing you to look back at him. His eyes sparkled under the moonlight as he gazed into yours.

Slowly, you found yourself leaning forward. Jungkook met you in the middle, his lips finding yours. It was a tender kiss, sweet and soft. You broke it off after a couple seconds to giggle, but Jungkook pulled you back into it. He kissed you gently, yet with so much passion. You reciprocated his affection as your fingers intertwined with his hair, deepening the kiss.

He finally pulled away, smiling back at you. To be honest, you wish it lasted longer. However, you knew you would have had a hard time controlling yourself if it did.

“Thank you for dinner,” you thanked him with a soft voice.

“Of course, thank you for accompanying me,” he bowed like a gentleman and kissed your hand. You couldn’t help but laugh at his gesture.

“Too much?” he tilted his head.

“Don’t change a thing,” you continued to laugh.

All sorts of thoughts about Jungkook swam in your mind as you fell asleep that night.

Jungkook soon began to hangout with you every day. When he wasn’t out trying to take pictures, he would be in the bakery keeping you company. Your parents teased him, saying that he better buy something or else they’d kick him out, but they never did. In fact, your mom would always sneak him some freshly baked goods.

After work, you and Jungkook would spend even more time together. It didn’t matter if you guys were exploring nature, cooling off in the stream, or just watching movies; you enjoyed it all. It was nice having someone to talk to for a change. Jungkook never asked to make plans with you, he just assumed you guys would hangout the next day when he said “see ya tomorrow!”

You knew you had a crush on Jungkook, but you didn’t know how he felt. Yes, he took you on a date. Yes, you’ve kissed. Yes, you made in cum in his pants (not necessarily in that order). You were waiting on him to ask you to be his girlfriend. You didn’t want to pressure him, especially when you knew that he’d be going back to school in the fall.

One day, much to your chagrin, Jungkook was helping you with inventory. You argued that he shouldn’t work since he wasn’t getting paid, but he smiled and replied that spending time with you was all the payment he needed. You were too flustered to argue after that.

“Great, everything has been accounted for! Can you help me put this box back up there?” you asked him, nodding your head at a particularly high shelf that was out of your reach. You grabbed a step stool for him to make it easier.

Jungkook lifted up the heavy box of supplies with ease, and placed it back on the shelf. He looked down at you and smiled.

“What?” you cocked your head.

He said nothing as he leaned down and kissed your forehead, “You just look cute from up here.”

You looked away as you blushed, not knowing what to say. Jungkook laughed as he got down from the step stool. He teased you about it for the rest of the day.

Days flew by as it was getting closer and closer to Jungkook’s departure. You let Jungkook decide on what to do during his last day there. He picked you up at the bakery after your shift. He wanted to take one last stroll with you around town before he had to leave. You were about to hug him goodbye when he invited you over, saying that he had a box of popcorn he needed help finishing.

After watching a couple movies, Jungkook had his arms around you as you rested your head on his shoulder. Cuddling had become a norm between you two. Jungkook suddenly nudged your side, causing you to shriek.

“Sorry, just making sure you were still awake,” he giggled.

“I was, but now I definitely am,” you said as you returned the favor and tickled his sides.

It soon became a war of tickling as laughter erupted from both of you. Jungkook was just as ticklish as you were, making it a deadly battle. Before you knew it, you were straddling Jungkook, gripping both of his wrists in your hands. You both stared at each other as the laughter subsided, now replaced with heavy breathing.

“You could easily knock me over, you know,” you said as you lowered your nose to his.

“What if I don’t want to?” he whispered back.

He moved his head upwards to kiss you, catching you by surprise. You kissed him back, pushing him back down. You lowered your hips to rest on his hardened crotch. You let go of his wrists to help him take off his shirt before removing your own.

Once your lips connected again, Jungkook’s hands moved freely over your body, gently caressing your breasts. He treated you so tenderly, it made you even hornier. Your hands reached down to unzip his pants.

“Is this okay?” you paused to ask.

“Only if you take off your pants too,” he answered with a smirk.

Soon enough you were both down to just your underwear. You palmed Jungkook’s erection, curious to see it. It already felt huge in comparison to your hands.

“I want to fuck you, _____,” Jungkook groaned as you kissed his neck.

“I’m glad we want the same thing. Where do you want me?” you cooed.

“Like this is fine,” he quickly answered.

He helped you take off his underwear, revealing his massive dick. Your pussy clenched at the sight of it. You wriggled out of your panties and positioned yourself on top of him.

“Ready?” you asked.

Jungkook just nodded, his eyes wide with anticipation. He gulped as he watched you slowly lower yourself onto him, taking in each inch slowly. You moaned as he went deeper and deeper in you. You hadn’t had sex in a long time (and admittedly it wasn’t very good). Now, you were sopping wet and Jungkook was filling you up perfectly. Once you reached the base of his dick, you took your time going back up.

From the look on Jungkook’s face, he was in pure bliss. You continued to tease him as you fucked him slowly. You transitioned from taking his entire length to just swiveling around his tip, making him moan from the overstimulation. Jungkook dug his nails into your lower back, begging you to take all of him in again.

You leaned back over and peppered kisses along his chest and up his neck. Jungkook whimpered at the sensation, his breathing grew uneven. You giggled at him as you suckled on his neck, leaving wet kisses in your wake. Once you had enough of teasing him, you slammed back down onto him, and both your moans filled the room. Your hips began to move faster as you bounced on top of him. Jungkook’s grip on you tightened.

“I--I’m gonna cum,” he panicked.

You immediately hopped off, hoping to edge him. He whimpered at the loss of your warm pussy, but your plan seemed to work. His eyes begged you to get back on top.

“Now it’s your turn to fuck me,” you demanded as you laid down on your back.

Jungkook complied and positioned himself between your legs. He bent over to kiss you while he pushed his cock back inside of you. He took his time at first, but then tried to pick up the pace. His movements were awkward and stiff, and his pelvis hit your hips in a way that you knew they were going to bruise later.

“Jungkook, just relax,” you commanded.

Jungkook steadied his breathing and took your advice. He was finally able to find a rhythm and stuck to it. Luckily, it was the perfect rhythm for you as he continuously grazed your g-spot. Jungkook moaned with every stroke as your warm insides squeezed around him. You wrapped your legs around him, bringing him even closer. You looked up at him to see that the usual sweet star filled doe eyes of his had switched to a version of pure ecstasy as he gazed down at you with blown out pupils. The change was a little jarring, but also incredibly sexy when you realized the potential duality Jungkook could have. You pulled him into a deep kiss, tongues exploring foreign regions as he pounded into you.

“I’m gonna--,” his breath hitched.

“Cum on me baby,” you panted as you furiously rubbed your clit, desperate to cum with him.

With perfect timing, Jungkook got to feel you cum around him for a few seconds before he had to pull out and finish all over your chest. He gave you a quick peck on the cheek before scurrying off to find something to clean you with.

He rested his head on your chest as you held him close. You were falling asleep when he said something.

“Sorry, what did you say?” you asked him since you barely heard him.

“I am, well I guess was, a virgin,” Jungkook admitted.

“Oh,” you tried to mask your surprise.

“I didn’t wanna say anything. I mean, how lame is it that I’m a college senior and have never gotten laid. You’re probably surprised huh? I’m not lying, I swear.”

“I am surprised, but only because you seem like ladies would be all over you. You’re so handsome, funny, charming--”

“Yes yes keep going,” Jungkook joked.

“--and a genuinely good guy. Plus I feel like being a photographer would help you meet a lot of pretty girls,” you reasoned.

“While all of that is true, the real reason is pretty embarrassing. I’m...I’ve always been kinda scared of girls,” Jungkook sighed as you tried to suppress your laughter, “I’m not kidding! I always get so nervous around girls, I could never actually talk to them.”

“So am I not a girl in your eyes?” you teased.

“You’re a woman,” he answered cockily.

“Shut up! I hope your first time was enjoyable. Thanks for entrusting me with your v card,” you laughed.

You both continued joking and laughing the night away until you fell asleep in each other’s arms. While that night was enjoyable, it made Jungkook’s absence hurt more.

Life had sunk back into the same mundane routines once Jungkook left. Of course, he still kept in touch. He would text and video call you as often as he could. He’d send you pictures of his newest shooting locations, and you’d always be the first person he’d show his finished products.

You loved witnessing Jungkook’s passion grow, he had a new spark in him that wasn’t there before. With your encouragement as an extra shove, he applied to his dream job. He explained to you that it was with an agency that would send him to a random country where he’d work with a participating magazine company. You secretly envied him for even having the possibility of exploring the world.

Days and weeks started to blend together. Your parents insisted on having you help out more in the kitchen, presumably to get your mind off of Jungkook.

It was a weird fling you had with him. However, it also didn’t seem like a fling. Most flings didn’t still keep in touch in a long distance “friendship”, or whatever it was you had. You were never officially dating, but it sure as hell felt that way. You cursed yourself for waiting for him to ask, you should’ve just done it yourself. Of course, part of you felt like you’d just hold him back if you guys actually ended up dating.

These thoughts constantly swarmed your mind. Ironically, the only time you weren’t thinking about your dilemma was when you were chatting with Jungkook. The end of the semester was quickly approaching, and you could tell that he was getting antsy. He hadn’t gotten offers from anywhere that he applied. You could do nothing but give him hope but assuring him that someone somewhere will hire him.

You watched snow fall outside when you got a call.

“I GOT IN!!!” Jungkook exclaimed.

“What?! Where?!” you jumped up in excitement.

“My top choice! The one where they send me to another country! Guess where I’m going,” he sing songed.

“Umm… Italy?”

“Close! I’m going to España,” he said with a spanish accent.

“That’s amazing, Jungkook. I’m so proud of you! I knew you could do it. When do you leave?” you asked.

“In a week. God, I’m so excited! Oh, my parents are calling. I’ll talk to you later?”

“Of course. Congrats again,” you cheered before he hung up.

Before you knew it, you were crying. You were honestly happy for Jungkook, but reality hit you. You were never going to be able to tell him that you loved him. You were never going to be with him, not while you’re stuck in this town. It sucked, but you had no choice but to accept that.

Two days had passed since that phone call. Jungkook was probably busy packing and working out minor details, so you stayed out of his way. You figured things would probably be like this from now on. Why would he bother talking to a small town girl while he’s out exploring the world?

You were restocking the milk puddings rolls when the front bell chimed.

“I’ll be with you in a second,” you called out.

“No worries, I’ll wait all day if I have to,” a familiar voice responded.

You dropped the rolls as you turned around with lightning fast speed. Jungkook stood at the doorway, beaming a big bunny smile at you. You ran to him, embracing him in a tight hug. He wrapped his arms around you and kissed your forehead.

“Surprise,” he smiled.

“What are you doing here?” you asked as you wiped tears from your eyes.

“I needed to see you. I was planning on coming back and surprising you even before I left. You didn’t think I’d leave without saying goodbye, did you?” he ruffled your hair, “Oh, and those tiger flowers are beautiful,” he nodded over to the flower bouquet on the checkout counter.

“I got them because they reminded me of you,” you blushed, your ears turning red.

“Did I hear Jungkook?” you mom poked her head out of the kitchen, “Oh my goodness! Honey look! Jungkook is back!” she called your dad.

Your parents came out to greet him. He explained everything to them, and they congratulated him.

“How long will you be here? Aren’t you leaving soon?” your dad inquired.

“I leave tomorrow night. I wish I could stay longer,” Jungkook answered solemnly.

“____ suddenly doesn’t have to work until after you’ve left,” your mom smiled fondly at you.

Your eyes lit up as you kissed your parents on the cheek to thank them. After grabbing your jacket, you took Jungkook’s hand and dragged him out. You both aimlessly walked around the town as you chatted. He went more in depth with the details of his job. He was most excited about capturing photos of the city. After looking up some pictures of the architecture, he immediately fell in love with Madrid.

Jungkook invited you over to watch some of the short films he worked on over the past semester. While they were just videos of his friends with no plot, you could feel their friendship seeping through the screen. The way Jungkook played with music and colors really enhanced the already well shot video. You felt at peace sitting beside Jungkook on his bed as he showed you all his past projects. Part of you wished that this moment would never end.

“You’ve made me a better person, you know,” Jungkook said out of nowhere, “I’m more talkative around my friends, and I’ve gotten more comfortable with being myself.”

“I didn’t do anything, that’s all you,” you smiled as you poked his chest.

“You definitely helped,” he ran his fingers through your hair, “I love you, ____.”

Your heart skipped a beat.

“I love you too. I thought I’d never get to say that,” you said with a sigh of relief.

He looked into your eyes before leaning forward slowly. You’ve been waiting for this moment for so long, you practically pounced on him. You kissed him passionately, as if to show him how much you missed him. Clothes were thrown in every direction leading to bare skin being exposed.

Jungkook’s soft hands roamed across your body as if he were trying to memorize your every curve. His touch was a bit rougher than the last time, his lips crashed against yours as he pinched your nipples. You couldn’t tell if it was desperation, carnal lust, or just a new side of Jungkook, but you didn’t mind in the slightest. His erection pressed against your thigh as your hands tangled themselves in his dark hair. You reached down to grab his cock, gripping from the base and slowly dragging your hand to the tip and then back down. He shuddered at the sensation, moaning into your mouth.

“Should I get on top?” you batted your eyes.

“Nope, I have a better idea,” Jungkook growled as he flipped you over onto your knees, “Can I fuck you like this?”

“Fuck me however you want,” you answered gleefully.

Jungkook rammed into you without hesitation. He firmly gripped your hips to keep you in place as he thrusted into you. His dick sent waves of ecstasy as he crashed into you. He surprised you when he reached his hand around you to play with your clit, causing you to squirm under him.

“Be a good girl and stay still,” he ordered.

His newfound dominance turned you on. He was no longer the baby boy that followed your every move, although you were sure that side of him was still there somewhere. You got lost in pleasure and didn’t realize how far gone you were till you felt liquid dripping down your inner thighs.

“You’re so fucking wet baby. All this for me?” Jungkook panted as he continued snapping his hips into you.

“Mhm, of course. Only for you,” you managed to moan out between thrusts.

“That’s my good girl. Get up,” he demanded as he hopped off the bed.

You obeyed, curious as to what he was going to do. As soon as you got off the bed, he spun you around and pushed your chest back over the covers. He slipped back into you with ease, groaning as your slick juices coated his cock. This new position enabled Jungkook to directly hit your g-spot with each thrust. Again, his hand wrapped around your waist to find your clit. His other hand found purchase on your neck, slightly choking you. The overstimulation had you crying out in bliss that you had never experienced before.

You were practically gushing now as your wetness ran down your legs and sprayed onto Jungkook’s thighs with each strong impact. Jungkook lifted up one of your legs onto the bed, spreading your pussy.

“Now touch yourself for me,” Jungkook directed.

He didn’t have to tell you twice. Your legs started to shake as you played with your clit at the perfect pace while Jungkook drilled into you. You were sure that you had already came numerous times by this point, but you could feel the grand finale soon approaching.

“Jungkook I--” you didn’t get a chance to finish your sentence as you climaxed onto his dick. He was infatuated with the way you looked from behind, and he couldn’t get enough of it. He pushed you back onto the bed with your legs still hanging from the edge. He reinserted himself while you laid there, completely delusional from the pounding you had been receiving.

“You’re such a sexy woman,” he moaned as he anchored the weight of his arms onto your shoulders.

He continued his torment downwards. Your bountiful cheeks bounced back and forth while he repeatedly rammed into your g-spot causing you to release more of the juices his massive cock craved.

He slowed his pace but still kept going to help you ride out your high for as long as possible. The sensation of you cumming on him was enough to bring him right to the brink of no return.

“Can I cum on you?” he pleaded in a tone all too familiar to you.

“Please do,” you nodded.

“God, you’re so sexy,” he said as he gave you a couple more hard thrusts before pulling out and coating your ass with white strings.

Jungkook held you in his arms after wiping you down with a towel, both of your chests heaving in sync. You both managed to work up a sweat, but Jungkook still smelled amazing. He played with your hair as your eyelids started to get heavy.

“_____,” he whispered softly.

“Yes, Jungkook?” you replied with your eyes still closed.

“Come with me.”

“What?” your eyes shot open.

“Come with me to Spain. I know it sounds crazy, but I don’t care. You’ll finally get the adventure you’ve always wanted, and we’ll do it together,” he kissed your forehead.

His unexpected proposition had you overwhelmed. You were speechless. You would go with him in a heartbeat. It wouldn’t matter where you’d go, as long as you were with him.

“Jungkook...you know I can’t do that,” you fought back tears, nuzzling yourself further into his chest.

“I wanted to ask your parents as soon as I arrived but you rushed me out too quickly and--”

“I can’t leave them, you know that,” silent tears rolled down your cheeks.

“I think they’d understand. Plus, you’ve said that they’ve tried to convince you to go to college,” Jungkook was getting desperate, he thought you’d agree on the spot.

“They need my help now more than ever. My parents are getting old. As much as I want to leave this place, I can’t. I’m going to be stuck here forever. I’m so sorry, Jungkook,” you wept.

“It’s okay, ___. We can ask them tomorrow, how does that sound?” he rubbed your back.

“No, I can’t do that to them. You know they’ll say yes. I have to stay,” you sniffled.

“You’re a great daughter. I can’t force you to come with me. I’ll miss you. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone,” Jungkook’s voice started to falter.

“Don’t worry about me. Go live out your life. Eat great food. Take beautiful pictures. Meet pretty girls,” you tried to lighten the mood.

“You think I want to meet pretty girls? Why would I do that when I have you,” he hugged you tightly.

“We aren’t even dating, Jungkook. I don’t want to hinder you more than I already have,” you blurted.

“I...I know we aren’t dating. Not officially. But that’s just a stupid label. I want to be with you,” Jungkook’s voice softened to hide his pain.

“Maybe this was a bad idea,” you said as you got up.

Jungkook immediately pulled you back into him. Your nose brushed against his wet cheek, causing you to freeze up when you realized that he had also been crying.

“Please stay with me. At least just for tonight,” he pleaded.

“Alright. I can do that,” you softly kiss him.

You woke up the next morning with your head on Jungkook’s chest. Jungkook looked adorable while he was asleep, with his mouth agape and his hair falling messily over his forehead. You tried to inch away, but he just pulled you closer, making it impossible to escape.

He woke up with a yawn a couple minutes later. He smiled down at you before ruffling your hair.

“Jungkook, I’m sorry about last night. I--”

“Let’s not talk about it. This is my last day with you for god knows how long. Let’s just enjoy ourselves, okay?” he interrupted you.

It had been three years since that spring when you met Jungkook. You sometimes reminisce about the times you had with Jeon Jungkook. It honestly felt like a dream. Communication with him slowly faded away, and now the only conversations you had with him were one message long during birthdays and holidays. You kept up with him more through Instagram. He regularly uploaded his beautiful pictures, and you could tell that his talent only grew. He had a knack for making dull buildings and streets come to life.

Your parents planned to retire soon, leaving you to tend to the bakery by yourself. They mainly managed the front-of-house work during the busy hours now. Their goal was to finally sell the bakery, but you protested against it. As much as you wanted to be rid of the chains that tied you down, you were scared. You didn’t know what you would do if the bakery was suddenly gone. It was all you’ve ever known.

Ever since your parents announced their retirement plans, you started to dabble in pastry making. They were impressed with your skills, and your creations got added to the menu. Word spread that the already famous bakery was now carrying delicious pastries, and business soared.

You were busy decorating your latest desserts when your mother came into the kitchen.

“Your father and I have to go run a quick errand, we’ll be back soon!” she said before giving you time to protest. You grumbled to yourself as you placed strawberries on your cakes, praying that no one would come in.

“Hello? Anyone here? The sign says open,” someone called from the front.

‘God dammit’, you thought before putting on a fake customer service smile.

“Welcome to--” you stopped in your tracks.

Jungkook was standing in the middle of your bakery, looking even more handsome than you had remembered him. His face lit up as soon as he saw you. You couldn’t help yourself as you ran towards him, colliding into him with a forceful hug.

“I hear you sell desserts now,” he grinned.

“Jungkook! What are you doing here? Your hair, it’s so long! And...do you have tattoos now?!” you were in shock.

“Do I look more artsy now?” he laughed, “I came to see you. I wanted to try your desserts too, of course. No one would believe me when I said nothing can compare to your family’s bakery. Oh, I have a present for you.”

You became giddy with excitement as Jungkook brought out a brown paper bag and handed it to you. You pulled out prints of a beautiful girl standing in a forest. Wait...it looked familiar…

“Is this me?” you asked as your mouth hung open.

“Yeah, these are the pictures from when you took me on that picnic. Would you believe me if I said I barely had to touch anything up? They were already nearly perfect,” Jungkook said proudly.

“It’s because you’re a talented photographer,” you smiled.

“That, and because I had the perfect model. How could I not ask the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen to model for me?” he said as he tucked your hair behind your ear.

“So I wasn’t just practice?” you recalled asking him about it all those years ago.

“I was so nervous back then, I couldn’t bring myself to tell you the truth,” he laughed, “I’m much more open now.”

You promptly switched the ‘OPEN’ sign to ‘CLOSED’ and sat Jungkook down. You brought out one of your fresh strawberry cakes, eager to hear his opinion. His face contorted with pleasure as he took the first bite. He complimented the flavors and textures, saying that everything tasted like perfect harmony. You laughed together as he shared stories of his time abroad. He intently listened while you opened up about the struggles of the bakery.

“Anyway, that’s enough complaining for now. I’m happy you’re back! How long are you staying for this time?” you tilted your head.

“Depends,” Jungkook answered as he gazed out the window. He looked back at you with a serious expression. He quickly grabbed your hand and pulled you close, bringing your face just inches away from his.

“Do you still want to explore the world?” he asked.

“Of course, that’ll never change. But...you know I can’t,” you answered somberly.

“After everything you just told me, you still think you have to stay here?” Jungkook raised an eyebrow, “My next gig is going to be in France. Come with me this time, _____.”

You stared at him with a stunned expression. You thought he had forgotten about you. Now here he is, asking you to run away with him again.

“Why did you lose touch? I thought you had moved on. I made peace with that. God, it hurt like hell, but I came to terms with it. And now we’re doing this again,” your voice cracked as tears welled in your eyes.

“Honestly, it hurt me too much. I couldn’t bear talking to you every day or video chatting you, without knowing when I’d see you next. I never stopped thinking about you. I tried. I tried to forget...but no one could ever come close to you,” Jungkook cupped your cheek in his palm, “There’s a really good patissiere academy close to where I’ll be working. You could go there and sharpen your skills! Then maybe one day open up a bakery of your own...if you wanted.”

“But what about my parents--”

“Stop using us as an excuse to hold yourself back,” your mom scolded you as she entered the bakery.

“Did you like your surprise?” your dad winked.

“You knew?” you were bewildered.

“Jungkook contacted us a while back, asking if we thought his plan could ever be a possibility. I figured you were still head over heels for him since you never dated anyone else,” your mom shrugged.

“If you want to go, go. Don’t worry about us. We can sell the bakery, and finally retire,” your dad said.

“You have your parents’ blessing, ____. This decision is entirely up to you. What’s it gonna be? Will you come with me to France?” Jungkook asked again.

“I..,” you looked at your parents before your eyes wandered back to Jungkook, “Yes. I’d love to,” tears of joy rolled down your cheeks.

Jungkook got up and embraced you in a tight hug before he whispered, “I’ve missed you so much,” in your ear.

“Well, we better start packing,” Jungkook turned to your parents.

“Packing? Already?” your eyes widened.

“We leave by the end of the week!” Jungkook gleefully took your hand and dashed out of the store.

Jungkook dragged you through the town up to your house. You couldn’t help but smile as you watched his long hair bounce around while you ran. You could’ve sworn that sometimes they looked like bunny ears.

He was definitely Jungkook, but he seemed like the upgraded version of the shy boy you once knew. He had a new confident aura around him, and he seemed more manly than boyish now. Everything was happening so quickly, but you were nothing but excited for the adventures to come.

As long as Jungkook was by your side, you were ready to take on the world.

#bts smut #jeon jungkook smut #bangtanarmynet #btscreatorscorner #btswritingcafe #ksmutclub #jeon jungkook fluff #bts fluff #jeon jungkook angst #bts angst #jungkook fic #kpop fanfic #bts fanfic #jungkook smut #jungkook fanfic #jungkook x reader

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dailytomlinson · 4 years ago

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2020 is finally coming to an end, and we can’t say we’re disappointed about it. It sure has been a long way for everyone, yet some artists had a lot on their plate. Take a look at Louis Tomlinson’s year. As complicated as 2020 has been for him, he still unlocked achievements and outdid himself in the best way. So let’s take a look at how Louis Tomlinson made 2020 his year, let’s go!

Louis Tomlinson Released His Debut Solo Album Walls

After four years of anticipation, and a good two years of teasing, Louis released his debut album, Walls, on January 31st. The record received positive critics and fantastic feedback from his loyal Louies. From the party anthem ‘Kill My Mind’ to the emotional ‘Two Of Us’, with a few sweet escapes such as ‘Too Young’, not to mention the punchy ‘Always You’, the album brought the fans everything they had hoped for. In addition to that, Louis stole our hearts with heartfelt and sincere lyrics that only he has the secret of. Magic.

Louis Started His Worldwide Tour And Gave His First Solo Show

Louis started his worldwide tour in March before it got interrupted. Touring was what he had always been looking forward to, ever since he’d decided to start a solo career. Louis had expressed the exciting feeling and positive stress that he feels right before going on stage. Luckily enough, he had the time to perform twice in Spain at the beginning of March. His first whole solo show took place at Razzmatazz, in Barcelona, and reunited around 2000 fans (sold out). An hour and a half of musical bliss, a performer who shares a lot with his fans, and an incredibly talented band. What else?

Walls Went Number #1 In 53 Countries And Worldwide Upon Release

Louis Tomlinson made 2020 his year in the charts too. He always had a dedicated fandom, and that’s no surprise. However, he seemingly wasn’t expecting the global success of his debut album Walls. Indeed, it went number #1 on iTunes in 53 countries upon its release on January 31st, including the United Kingdom and the major part of South America. Not only that, but the album also climbed the iTunes Worldwide Chart to reach #1 in a matter of hours. Legends only.

Louis Released The Music Video for ‘Walls’, And It’s A Masterpiece

January 16th revealed the final single off Walls, the album, which was none other than the title track itself. Louis described it then as his proudest song on the album, with strong influences of Oasis. A few days later, on the 21st, Louis blessed us with the music video, shot in Morocco by Charlie Ligthening. The camera follows Louis through the Sahara desert and traces his path through a ballroom and dancing crowds. Some other scenes show him surrounded by masked people, or behind four silhouettes that he identified as his four former bandmates. The Easter eggs, the quality of the video, and the suit (yes, the suit, don’t you lie) made it a fans’ favorite, for it now counts more than 12 Million views.

Louis Reached 1.4 Billion Streams on Spotify

It looks like the fans’ streaming parties paid off this year. With only one album, four other songs, and remixes or edits, Louis reached the milestone of 1.4 Billion streams on Spotify this year. Additionally, he also made it to 4 Million followers on the platform. The numbers speak for themselves, and the achievement is huge for an artist who only received little promotion for a debut album, stopped on its way due to the pandemic. Here’s to his first billion, and some more soon! Overall, Louis knows he can count on his devoted Louies to increase the number of streams significantly with new challenges, the way they did it in December with #12DaysOfWalls. (Original idea by @miss_always_you).

He Launched Only The Poets Internationally

If you’re a Louie, there are big chances that this name rings a bell. Only The Poets, a band coming from Reading in the UK, literally skyrocketed this year. After their first performance as Louis’ first act on stage at Scala in February 2020, their popularity started increasing. And Louis confirming them as his first European act only made it better for them. They continued their year with live-streams, private Zoom calls, and pre-listening sessions of their singles with fans. They ended it with a social distanced show in Banbury and a Zoom Tour in a few European countries and South America. And the mutual support Louis and these lads give each other is heartwarming.

Louis Decided To Part Ways With Syco

This one is for the fans. After ten years of collaboration with Sony’s label, Syco, Louis decided to part ways with them for a new adventure. He officially announced his decision with a tweet on July 11th that took no time to break the Internet. Soon enough, hashtags related to the news trended around Twitter, other artists, and radios congratulated him on his decision. Louies celebrated with funny memes and GIFs but made sure to surround Louis with love and support through it all. Now we wait (for the new label announcement).

Louis Didn’t Only Postpone His Tour, He Made It Bigger

Another proof that Louis Tomlinson made 2020 better. Not only did Louis pursue his dream and goal to tour, but he also grew it out. After postponing the tour three times, the newly announced European dates include a few more stops, including Reykjavik (Iceland), Warsaw (Poland), Prag (Czech Republic), Vienna (Austria), Zurich (Switzerland), and an additional date in Paris (France)! The shows sold out in less than 40 minutes, making it more than 15,000 tickets purchased. Due to the high demand in Zurich, the venue changed and 500 more tickets went on sale! In Argentina, a wild mobilization of fans on Twitter led him to open the whole Movistar Arena in Buenos Aires. Some additional tickets went on sale for the Chilean show as well. And guess what? They all sold out.

Louis Was Crowned Artist Of The Summer With 13 Million Votes

Still, doubting that Louis Tomlinson made 2020 his year? A radio station from Philadelphia, @965TDY, launched a Twitter award ceremony last summer to crown an artist ‘Artist Of The Summer’. Many polls, 13 Million votes, and 26 Billion points later, Louis was elected and was all over Twitter thanking his fans for their dedication. Louies had acquired the absolute record of 26 Billion points thanks to their votes on the radio station’s website, and thanks to their mass voting parties. Another proof that Louis and his fans are unstoppable altogether. The support is always undeniably strong, and so is the bond between the artist and the fans. Happy days.

Walls Magically Rises On The Itunes Charts In October

Indeed, nine months after its release, a new wave of fans bought the album on iTunes and made it rise in the charts. The magic truly happened after @UpdateHLD (a Twitter update account), reminded new fans to purchase the album if they had not already. Considering Louis gained a certain amount of fans during the global lockdown, the initiative went successful, and soon enough, Walls was climbing the charts just like it did on January 31st. As incredible as it seems, it even received its first #1 on the USA iTunes chart. Louis didn’t miss on thanking his fans for their continuous support, expressing how amazed he was by the chart climb.

Louis Offered An Online Live-Stream Show, #LTLivestream

Early December, Louis announced his first live-stream show from London for December 12th, entitled #LTLivestream. He promised a very special show, hosted by the platform Veeps, and didn’t lie. The general sale for the tickets (of course) crashed the website, making everyone panic. Louis then confirmed that the tickets were unlimited. The show was as incredible as originally announced, with an orchestra, fans participating through a digital wall, and a new haircut that conquered the fans. The numbers later revealed that Louis had sold over 160,000 tickets. #LTLivestream is the most sold live-stream for a male solo artist in 2020. Being the generous philanthropist that Louis is, he has given the $2.8 Million raised to many charities and his touring crew. The charities benefitting from the funds are FareShare UK, StageHand, Crew Nation, and Bluebell Wood. And they wonder why we love him.

Louis Surprised His Fans With A New Song Called ‘Copy Of A Copy Of A Copy’

Last but not least, after spending a year on a rollercoaster, Louis revealed a brand new song during #LTLivestream. He had been hinting at it through a teaser for the live-stream and via a cryptic tweet that made everyone think he was referring to ‘Copy Of A’ by Nine Inch Nails. However, he proved everyone wrong during the show with a brand new song. ‘Copy Of A Copy Of A Copy’ reminds us of the general sound of ‘Walls’ (the single), and stole everyone’s heart and soul once again. Immediately after the show, the fans asked Louis when the single would be out, to which he replied that he wasn’t sure about it being one. The disappointment faded away when he said it remained an option and would put it on the second album. We’ll take that.

And that, folks, is how Louis Tomlinson made 2020 his year for us! We have so many memories of Louis this year and can’t pick a favorite! What would be yours? And what do you think is yet to come from Louis next year?

#the honey pop #long post #press #2020 #louis tomlinson #291220

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just-your-local-astronaut · 3 years ago

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Out of this world hq fanfics, my favorites (part two)

Please check trigger warnings before reading any of these fics. <3

I’m also taking requests for recommendations. Just fill out the form in the pinned post on my page.

☆彡::･★彡･::･☆彡･:*:★☆彡::･★彡･::･☆彡･:*:★☆彡::･★彡･::･☆

Title: Something Like Us

Author: the_madame21

No Archive warnings

Rating: E

Ship: Iwaizumi/Oikawa (IwaOi)

Length: 10 chapters, 28,916

Status: Completed

Author’s summary: Friends since childhood, Oikawa and Iwaizumi now live together, both playing for the National Team. It's no secret that athletes who are bonded perform better. So if the two of them happen to bond...It'd be for the good of the team, right?

The words in the stars say: Shawtys, don’t yell at me for recommending another Omegaverse fic, it’s so good though, and I’m just goin down my list of favs and they were right under each other. Anyways, I love this fic. This story persistently describes the pinning on both sides perfectly. You can clearly see the turning point when Oikawa’s goal changes as the bond further affects his and Iwa’s lives, both positively and negatively. This is one of my favorite IwaOi Omegaverse fics. This story gives the understanding of being connected to the one you love, no matter how it came about, a completely different meaning.

I rate this fic 10 aliens out of 10, please read and if you do talk to me about the convenience store scene, it’s my favorite part :).

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10991091/chapters/24479244

☆彡::･★彡･::･☆彡･:*:★☆彡::･★彡･::･☆彡･:*:★☆彡::･★彡･::･☆

Title: Twitch

Author: CheekyBrunette

No Archive warnings

Rating: Not rated

Ship: Kageyama/Hinata (KageHina)

Length: 6 chapters, 72,501 words

Status: Completed

Author’s summary: "He was aware of the itch he’d feel before he shook his head or scrunched his nose. He recognized the impulse to move, but he didn’t realize how compulsive the behaviors had become. He had to shake his head. He had to scrunch his nose. He had to shrug his shoulders over, and over, and over.It wasn’t until he was nine-years-old that Shouyou realized he couldn’t control his movements like other kids could."

The words in the stars say: I really loved this AU. I wasn’t sure how I would feel about it at first but as I kept reading I enjoyed it more and more. In this fic Hinata having Tourette's made so much sense. I love how the author used actual habits Hinata has in the anime, explained them in the story, and how they work with Tourette’s. The difference between who Kageyama was in the beginning, compared to how he was at the end made me so happy. He clearly learned how he should be treating Hinata with or without feelings and Hinata’s Tourette’s. Such a sweet read for my Kagehina stans.

I rate this fic 10 aliens out of 10.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6103802/chapters/13991060

☆彡::･★彡･::･☆彡･:*:★☆彡::･★彡･::･☆彡･:*:★☆彡::･★彡･::･☆

Title: The Outside Edge

Author: Ray (RayWritesStuff)

No Archive warnings

Rating: M

Ship: Bokuto/Akaashi (BokuAka)

Length: 30 chapters, 201,662 words

Status: Incomplete. Hasn’t been updated since 2/15/21 (Imma cry)

Author’s summary: Akaashi Keiji is a competitive figure skater, and has been his whole life. Ever since he could remember, he's always been pushed by everyone around him to be great. To never fail. To satisfy his mother's desire of him going to the Winter Olympics.Everything was going fine for him, his routine at the rink with his friends running smoothly. Until one day, the University Hockey team was temporarily moved to his rink. Thanks to his meddling best friend, Akaashi is pushed into introducing himself to well-known hockey star Bokuto Koutarou. His attraction to the wild-eyed and kind-hearted man is almost instant.Akaashi soon finds himself falling all to fast for his liking. Before he could catch himself, he was pushed out of his comfort zone and into worlds beyond. As his new relationship with Bokuto blossoms, he learns that his worth is so much more than his performance, and to accept the haunting truths in his life he's been running from for so long.

The words in the stars say: I’m a sucker for figure skater x hockey player au’s and man, WHY ARE THEY ALWAYS INCOMPLETE. *SLAMMING ON DESK NOISES* I love them so much, lmk if yall find any others. This fic was just *kiss*. I loved it. It represented Akaashi so well and his mental state as a figure skater. I got the whole experience, I finished it and then went ice skating (unplanned, surprisingly). Bokuto is such a sweet heart and every time he forgave Akaashi while he was struggling, warmed my heart (unlike my fingers while I type this sheesh). I adored the IwaOi, DaiSuga, and KuroKen in the background.

10/10 completely. I love this fic so much even with it being abandoned. </3

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24690535/chapters/59671282

☆彡::･★彡･::･☆彡･:*:★☆彡::･★彡･::･☆彡･:*:★☆彡::･★彡･::･☆

Title: A Thousand Cuts

Author: lettersinpetals

Underage - Archive Warning

Rating: Teen and up

Ship: Sakusa/Atsumu (SakuAtsu)

Length: 3 chapters, 37,963 words

Status: Complete

Author’s summary: “I’m Atsumu! What’s your name?” The boy mumbled out an answer, and because his voice was muffled by his mask, all Atsumu heard was “...Omi.”“Omi?”“Kiyoomi,” the boy said in a much clearer voice. But Atsumu was already attached to the name. “Omi-Omi! Let’s go!” Shamelessly, he grabbed him by the hand and tugged him behind him. He felt responsible for him — the boy clearly needed all the protection and guidance he could get. Atsumu can be his hero.--The story started when the Sakusa family moved into their neighborhood in Amagasaki when they were nine. Atsumu would always remember that he saw Kiyoomi first.

The words in the stars say: Lettersinpetals has to be one of my absolute favorite hq fic writers. Their SakuAtsu fics are the ones I will ALWAYS rec. This story is a beautiful rollercoaster. I don’t even know how many times I cried (happy ending dw dw) while reading this. I love the childhood friends AU for SakuAtsu plus Osamu and Suna’s drama that pulls you into a heartbreaking story. Lettersinpetals blows me away every damn time I read a fic of theirs. PLEASE PLEASE, read this fic.

I rate this 10 out of 10 aliens.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27094666/chapters/66160312

☆彡::･★彡･::･☆彡･:*:★☆彡::･★彡･::･☆彡･:*:★☆彡::･★彡･::･☆

Title: Butterfly in the Subway

Author: bigspoonnoya @plotghosts

No Archive warnings

Rating: Teen and up

Ship: Daichi/Sugawara (DaiSuga)

Length: 14 chapters, 62,872 words

Status: Completed

Author’s summary: Sugawara Koushi has no idea he's already in love with the man he's supposed to hate

The words in the stars say: This fic. Oh my god. This fic made me want to have a penpal I write love letters to even when I have no idea who they are. I’m a sucker for poetry and letters, this story was a dessert for me. I adore Suga owning a bookstore. Also the background KageHina, AsaNoya, and TsukkiYama? YES. This fic lives in my head rent free in English class. The scene in the café with Suga and Daichi, I just- *dies*. Read this fic now. It’s amazing and I reread it all the time when I’m sad, such a heartfelt read. I can’t express how much I love this fic.

!!!!SPOILER!!!! “I hoped. I wanted it to be you.” *sobbing* !!!!SPOILER!!!!

I rate this fic 10 out of 10 aliens.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3576108/chapters/7880601

☆彡::･★彡･::･☆彡･:*:★☆彡::･★彡･::･☆彡･:*:★☆彡::･★彡･::･☆

╭﹒┄﹒⁀ჲ ˚ ̣ ˖ ┄┄┄┄┄┄┄﹒

﹕Thank you for reading!

﹕What did you think?

﹕Dms are always open. Come talk! ╰﹒┄﹒✦ ˚ ̟ ハ︿︿ ๑ ┄┄┄┄┄┄﹒

<3 -Cal

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starsaver94 · 4 years ago

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Bokuto Fluff Alphabet

I’ve had serious Bokuto brainrot recently so yeah...

Alphabet listed below

A = Admiration (what do they adore about their s/o?)

Your patience. It takes a lot of willpower in order to handle Bokuto’s energy level. So he’s really thankful that you’re able to put up with his antics and stick by him through-and-through.

B = Body (what is their favorite part of your body?)

Your hair. Something about your hair’s texture on or through his fingers just makes his heart flutter. He also has a tendency to ruffle your hair, especially if your shorter than him.

C = Cuddles (how they like to cuddle)

Oh boy... I hope that you don’t have to go anywhere because Bokuto will not release you until his cuddle needs are satisfied. This man will trap you in his embrace. His arms will be wrapped around your torso and his legs will be around your legs. So be sure to eat, drink, and go to the bathroom beforehand.

D = Dates (what is their ideal date with you?)

Anything where he can let out his energy, but in all honesty I see this guy enjoying beach dates the most. He enjoys splashing around in the water and having sand castle building contest with you. And of course he would want to play a few rounds of one-on-one beach volleyball with you. Also, he gets to see you in a swimsuit so that’s a plus for him ;)

E = Emotions (how do they express emotions around you?)

Bokuto is already a rollercoaster of emotions so he honestly has no problem showing how he feels around you. Whether he’s happy, sad, or angry it’s very easy to tell when it comes to Bokuto.

F = Family (do they want one? If they do, when?)

Bokuto would totally want a family, but it’s you who wants to wait. Considering he’s already a big man-child, you would want to wait for Bokuto to become more responsible before having children. And of course, you both would wait until you lived on your own before starting a family.

G = Gifts (how do they feel about gift giving? What are their habits when it comes to this?)

Bokuto has a tendency to take the exchanging of gifts as seriously as any volleyball match. Don’t get me wrong, he really does love it when you give him a gift. But, a part of him feels like he needs to top the gift you gave him by giving you something even better. Say for instance... you give him a small owl plushie, and the next day he gives you a near full-sized teddy bear.

H = Holding Hands (when/how do they hold hands?)

Bokuto won’t necessarily hold your hand, but he will wrap his arm around your shoulders or your waist. It’s awkward while you’re trying to walk, but it’s also charming and endearing in a way.

I = Injury (how would they act if you got hurt?)

This boy goes into complete panic mode. Once, you attended one of his practice matches and the ball ended up ricocheting and hitting you square on the forehead. He started panicking and told Akaashi to take over for him while he carried you to the infirmary in order to get an ice pack for the newly formed bruise on your head.

J = Jokes (do they like to joke around with or prank you? how?)

Like I said before, Bokuto is a giant man-child. So, obviously he like to joke around with you a lot. However, when it comes to pranks Bokuto would rather play pranks with you rather than on you. Overall, his jokes and pranks are just like him. Big and full of chaotic energy.

K = Kisses (how do they like to kiss you?)

Bokuto will mostly give you little pecks on the lips, cheek, or most often, all over your face. However, he will give you more passionate and intense kisses if he’s either excited or jealous.

L = Love (how do they show you that they love you?)

Show you... Hell, this guy will announce his love for you to the entire world. For instance, when you attended one of his tournament matches and he saw you in the stands, the biggest grin stretched across his face and he pointed at you and shouted loud enough for almost everyone in the gym to hear “Hey! That’s my s/o, y/n! Hey, hey, hey y/n! Wish me luck! Love you baby!”

M = Memory (favorite memory together?)

Without question, it would have to be the time you got a pretty nasty cold and Bokuto actually took the time to come over to your place in order to cheer you up and hopefully help you recover a little. He was a bit too loud for your liking and he somehow managed to burn the chicken noodle soup (mainly the chicken part), but you appreciated the thought and it showed that despite his childish nature, he really does have a somewhat responsible side. Key word being somewhat.

N = Nightmare (what is their worst fear?)

He worries that one day you’ll finally have enough of his antics and leave him for one of his more mature teammates (namely Akaashi).

O = Oddity (what is one quirk they have?)

True to his appearance, Bokuto is a major night owl. He is able to stay up for hours on nothing more that pure adrenaline and energy. It takes almost everything in your power to make sure that his gets the appropriate amount of sleep each night.

P = Pet Names (what do they like to call you?)

Baby, babe, nugget, and cutie.

Q = Quality Time (how do they like to spend time with you?)

Teaching you everything he knows about volleyball of course! Outside the court, however, you both would binge tv shows that you both enjoyed or have a movie marathon together until you were board or until one of you fell asleep.

R = Rhythm (what song reminds you of them?)

Smile by Avril Lavigne. It reminds you of how this goofball always finds a way to make you smile even in your darkest moments.

S = Secrets (how open are they with you?)

There are pretty much no secrets between the two of you. Bokuto is the type of guy that lets you know what is on his mind without even asking.

T = Time (how long did it take for you two to get together?)

Around 3-4 months. Let’s face it, Bokuto can be a bit oblivious at times. But when he caught feelings for you, he caught it hard. You were attending one of his practice matches and every so often you would catch him glancing in your direction. When his team was finished practicing for the day, he came over to you and practically shouted at you “Hey, hey, hey y/n! I need to tell you that I really like you! So do you want to go out this Saturday? Anyplace you want to go is fine by me!”

U = Upset (how do they act when you’re upset?)

At first Bokuto will try to make you laugh. If he fails after multiple attempts, he would actually get serious and pull you into a hug while whispering comforting words into your ear and rubbing your back or stroking your hair.

V = Vaunt (what are they proud of? Do they like to show you off?)

Bokuto is proud of well... you, of course! And oh boy! Does this guy like to show you off! As soon as the two of you became an official couple, he didn’t hesitate when it came to showing you off to his team. “Hey, hey, hey everybody! This is y/n! They’re my s/o! No! They’re not just my s/o! They’re my cute little nugget and they made me happiest volleyball player ever!”.

W = Wild Card (random fluff headcanon.)

Piggyback rides. Just, all of the piggybacks. Whether or not you ask for it, he will lift you onto his back and carry you from one place to the next. He’ll even do this in school when going from class to class, ignoring all of the strange looks and confused glances that are sent his way.

X = X-ray (how well are they able to read you?)

Like I said, Bokuto can be very oblivious at times. However, he can be surprisingly keen when it comes to you and your emotions. He can pick up pretty quickly when your sad or angry. However, it does take him a while when it comes to more complex emotions like jealousy.

Y = Yes (how would they propose to you?)

With Bokuto, it’s go big or go home. When he proposed to you he wanted to do it in a big way. It happened while you were at one of his national games. After his team won the match, he suddenly pointed to the cheering section on the stands opposite to yours. At the signal they chanted “Y/N! Marriage? Y/N! Marriage?” Despite the strange method, you knew exactly what the message was. You ran over to him and accepted his proposal while hugging him tightly as soon as you met him back in the main lobby.

Z = Zebra (what kind of pet would they get?)

A dog. Specifically, one that’s like him. Big and full of energy. So probably a labrador or a husky.

#bokuto x y/n #bokuto x reader #haikyu x reader #haikyuu!!#fluff #fluff alphabet

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silverthetheorist · 4 years ago

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The end of L’manburg was disappointing (and why rollercoasters and fun)

I really wanted to like this war. I really did. And I did like many things (Which I will go through don't worry) but... Look, the event was not bad by any means. But this is the first big event that I can say was mediocre at worst and good at best. A solid 6/10 maybe (All other story arcs and events are from a 8/10 to 10/10), specially after the marvelous festival from yesterday. So let’s see first the things that worked:

- FUNDY AND NICKY POPPED OFF. Them destroying the provisions before the start was great because it did not only made sense for their (Very tired of being sidelined and very tired of L’manberg’s bullshit) but it also had plot repercussion. In a story, for an action to be significant it has to have two things going for it: An emotional repercussion and a plot repercussion. This had both: Two og L’manburgian giving up on their nation and causing the L’maburg forces to be under-and I can’t stress this enough- very under prepared. In Eret’s case it is a lot harder to justify because her arc was never very consistent as I have said before.

-The villains were very smart and intimidating. First the chose to attack L’manberg the day after the festival giving them little to no time to prepare. Second, they attacked earlier and devised a plan to cause the most destruction possible. Dream and Techno are many times smarter than many movie villains.

-Tommy exposed Techno for the hypocrite and selfish pig he is. Good for him.

-Anything Ranboo does is gold of course. But, I think joining Phil is a bit of an iffy decision. For someone who doesn’t choose sides he surely chose the one that caused the most destruction and pain for all of his other friends. He is probably one of the most exciting people to watch in the future

-Tubbo jumping in front of Techno’s blast to protect Tommy (I do not want Tubbo to die because he is probs my favorite but that would have been a cool canon death). Tommy asking about Tubbo every 5 seconds. Both apologizing to each other and reuniting finally. Tubbo looking at everything he had built being destroyed, completely speechless. Tommy and Tubbo meeting Dream in the obsidian thing over L’manber. It had a weird final boss feel to it. I wish something had happened between the three there. Maybe a short fight or something. It was still cool.

So, yeah. There is a lot to like about the event. Now I have three main problems with this event:

My first problem is that it all felt a bit... pointless. This reminded me a lot of the movie Captain America: Civil War. It was a great movie, but it did not have almost any consequences. In today’s event L’MANBURG WAS DESTROYED FOR GOOD THIS TIME and... it doesn’t feel like anything has changed at all. Tommy is still on about the disks even after everything he’s been through. Quackity is still... honestly I never know what is going on with him. Techno and Phil are still assholes and have all the power along with Dream. The badlands still haven’t done a thing (A shame). You can say that Wilbur is going to be revived, and yes that is pretty big, but he has been alive before (I actually love that he is being resurrected surprisingly, I’ll talk about it later). You can also say that L’manburg is gone now but... was it really there ever since Tommy was exiled considering everyone basically left?

It feels like we could have skipped everything after Wilbur blew L’manberg and everything would be the same. Like everything in between did not matter. Think of it, is there any major differences (Besides minor character changes) between the end of the Manberg vs Pogtopia war and now? Probably not many. This goes back to what I said in my first post: History is repeating itself a little to much. Another exile, another festival, another execution, another time L’manburg is destroyed. At least there is not going to be another election anytime soon.

I think Tommy’s line to Techno that “You are repeating history but worse” is very ironic. The idea that history repeat itself is tempting and, when done efficiently can be amazing, but this was not the case. I cannot blame theme though, a “history repeats itself” story is very hard to write without feeling like you are repeating yourself. But they were so close. The Schlatt/Wilbur and Tommy/Tubbo parallels are a great example of it because it had the two things that a “History Repeats itself” plot needs: A new emotional background (The Tubbo/Tommy friendship breaking) and a final change (When both decide not to become like their predecessor). That’s right. You can argue that this war had a different emotional background but the end result was the seem. This type of stories are only satisfying if we see the change at the end, imagine how great it would have been if they managed to resolve their differences and truly unite against Dream and stop L’manburg from blowing up.

That is my second problem. I am not against the idea of L’manburg ending for good. But it happened at a very random part of the story. L’manburg, the place that started it all perished because a pig felt betrayed by a friend and Dream was being his usual self. Compare this to the last time it blew up: A fallen hero destroying what he built because he wouldn’t let anyone else have it. It just doesn’t compare. And honestly, we are mostly sad that it is gone because of the first war, the election and the manberg vs pogtopia arcs. If the end goal of three months of storytelling is to destroy L’manburg, why did they spend three months showing how shitty it has become and how everyone left? This last point sections nicely to my last problem

My third and final problem is that it all seems a little samey. Now listen to me on this one. Do you know why the Deadpool movies are so effective at making you laugh? Because it mixes dramatic moments with comedy very well, each dramatic moment elevates the next joke and vice versa. It is also why Tommy’s lore streams are so good, when you juxtapose both drama and comedy it works very well. Like a rollercoaster, the fun comes from all the ups and downs. But can you truly say there were any up moments since the manberg vs pogtopia war. Not really, maybe some but nowhere new as good as the up moments in previous arcs and nowhere near as present. That is why this past three months feel very samey. It has been just constant dread and sadness with very few good moments storywise. Compare this to before when Wilbur was the main writer: Eret betrayed everyone and Dream blew up some of L’manberg, but they won the war and got their independence. Pog 2020 lost the election but Techno joined them and most people were secretly helping from the shadows. They got back L’manburg from Schlatt but Wilbur and Techno betrayed them. See how it has a great mixtures of ups and downs? Today’s event would have benefited from at least one ray of sunshine at the end, maybe a new piece of information returns, or Tommy and Tubbo have a final talk and resolver everything, or something nice for a change. (Wilbur being resurrected does not count, he traumatised everyone, I would not say that is a very happy thing, more of a mixed bag)

But I don’t want come off as too negative. But now I am being cautious of the storyline. I think the next couple of stream are going to be key. There is still hope that some of these problems will be addressed. Even if they are not, the story will have suffered it’s first big dud (Which is a testament to how good and capable everyone is of telling a great story).

PS: English not my first language. You know the drill. I am once again not sending hate to anyone ever. There is nothing wrong with criticizing what you love, I think it is kind of necessary in a weird way.

PS2: I also have hope because I believe that Wilbur is coming back as a writer. On a stream (When he saw Matpat’s theory) he said the was “not currently writing the story” which I found as very suspicious wording. That and Alivebur returning I think makes a pretty compelling case for his return as a writer, I don’t see him as the type of guy that would just return so that someone else would write his character. On another note I hope the current writer don’t feel pressured to follow Matpat’s theory just because he is a big youtuber. While not a bad theory by all means (As soon as Ghostbur said he wanted to be alive my first thought was Quackity and Schlatt) but I would prefer it if they were not manipulated by outside sources to make the story a certain way.

PS3: I have other things I would like to cover. Mainly, I have three ideas for future essays: an analysis of the medium the smp storyline is being made and why it is harmful to it’s story (Specifically it’s eventual ending), a study of how Ranboo’s philosophy causes more harm than good and a “What if” essay of how many road the smp could have taken with it’s story after the manberg vs pogtopia war. I will probably do all three of them eventually but if anyone wants a specific one I can do it no problem. Also, if anyone wants to interact or give their opinions or criticize my ideas you are more than welcome to. I have no friends who are into mcyt and I love the back and forward of different opinions and ideas.

#tommyinnit #tubbo #ranboo #quackity #wilbur soot #wilbur #dream smp #dream #fundy #nicky #nihachu #philza #techno #technoblade #mcyt #eret #ghostbur #l'manberg #l'manburg #SapNap

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forthisone · 4 years ago

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Shadow and Bone Trilogy Book Review

Long, rambling, sometimes-capslock thoughts on the Shadow and Bone trilogy, having just a couple of hours ago finished reading the trilogy of Shadow and Bone, Seige and Storm and Ruin and Rising.

MALYEN ORETSEV IS TOO PURE FOR THIS WORLD AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL.

Fair warning: Major spoilers for the whole series and ending, entire focus on Mal/Alina 😅 I apologise for nothing.

I THINK THIS MIGHT BE THE FIRST TIME I’VE EXPERIENCED A SHIP I REALLY LOVE HAVE A HAPPY ENDING. Hooooooly shit. It feels good.

😭😭😭

Leigh Bardugo really served up everything I want to see! Give me all the tropes! All the angst! All the longing! AND with a happy ending?! *chef’s kiss*

I’m shook.

It feels amazing that for once in my life, something I ship has finally finished front and centre and I am absolutely here for it!

So let’s first clarify that I went in to the books just after finishing S1 of the Netflix show, already head over heels in love with Mal/Alina and rooting for them the whole way through. They are the reason I read the books. In the stories that I enjoy, I value love above all other aspects of the story; it’s just who I am.

The Pain of Siege and Storm

I admit, about 50% of this trilogy and the majority of Book 2 and early Book 3 was me in pain just wondering why they couldn’t be together and why they kept pushing each other away. Book 2 was an emotional rollercoaster ngl. I was frustrated that they spent so much time being miserable around eachother but were never allowed to be happy or give in to their feelings? They are best friends. Mal wants to support her. LET HIM SUPPORT HER. Let her confide in him and find comfort in him.

Endgame? Not Endgame?

This went on in a similar vein for some time and towards the end of Book 3, I was getting increasingly worried they weren’t endgame and this was indeed all leading up to Mal ultimately sacrificing himself... which obviously did happen...

But when Alina says “Bring him back to me.”, I just thought “THANK YOU. VINDICATION. THIS IS WHAT HAPPINESS FEELS LIKE.” and I knew we were home and dry and my god it felt good.

But I was so happy with the ending. It’s exactly what I wanted to happen, though I didn’t expect it... AND THEN IT HAPPENED. For them to go back to how they were and live the rest of their days in quiet happiness. Neither of them asked for this. They just belonged with eachother.

The last line of the book:

They had an ordinary life, full of ordinary things - if love can ever be called that.

HAPPY SIGH. YES.

More on this below.

People hate Mal?!?

I... don’t understand why so many fans apparently don’t like Mal. ?!?!????!? I had heard this before reading and went in to the books with trepidation. I was waiting for him to do something awful to justify the hate and... it just never happened. Is it just the way he behaves in Siege and Storm? Because I do accept he is slightly more problematic in the books than the show but Y’ALL KNOW HE WAS ONLY IN THAT PIT OF DESPAIR BECAUSE HE FELT LIKE HE WAS LOSING HER. She never really reassured him that much, if anything she confirmed his fears (from his pov anyway). And he was right to doubt her, because she was doubting her feelings too in secret, and he could feel it.

BUT. But he accepts it in Ruin and Rising. He grows into it. He accepts they can’t be together as they are. And he still stays, only to protect her, to keep her safe. He never asks for more than that. “You are my flag. You are my nation.” Roast me over a slow fire.

You will never, ever convince me not to root for the childhood best friend who loves her unconditionally and knows her better than anyone else and will die for her and will spend the rest of his days just being close to her, to protect her, even if that’s all he ever gets. This is the hill I will die on.

And then she comes back to him. 🤧🤧🤧

The Love Square

So, in terms of love interests for Alina:

Mal >>> Nikolai >>>>>>>>>>>>> Darkling

Wasn’t a fan of the love square here. I understand if she has feelings for different people, I respect everyone’s right to ship what they want, but I honestly had whiplash. One second she’s “in physical pain” missing Mal, next she is “drawn to” the Darkling, then wants to kiss Nikolai. I’m extremely monogamous and that’s probably why all this chopping and changing just felt really jarring to me.

I liked Nikolai as a character but I valued their friendship and I just wanted their relationship to remain platonic. I’m happy with how his storyline ended too. I hope he’s okay!

Mainly I did not understand why she was still drawn to the Darkling after all the loved ones he slaughtered in front of her. Fuck him, honestly (Ben Barnes I still love you though).

But this line near the end kind of summed it up for me, I guess:

Merzost. Darkness. You could hate it and hunger for it at the same time.

But I no longer care about any of this because my ship was endgame, baby! 😭😭😭

The Finale

I am glad Mal become more “important” in the end. That there was a magical bond between them. (I feel a little dumb I didn’t see it coming that he was an amplifier, because I did clock on to the jolts of light that happened when he grabbed her wrist and thought it was foreshadowing something).

I like even more that they agreed they would have found each other despite it.

“Maybe that brought us together, but it didn’t make us who we are. It didn’t make you the girl who could get me to laugh when I had nothing. It sure as hell didn’t make me the idiot that took that for granted. Whatever there is between us, we forged it. It belongs to us."

I was waiting for the scene in the conservatory the entire time and it was so perfect! Worth the wait! I can’t wait to see the aesthetics of it in the show. The flowers, the greenery... the lanterns. It was so pretty in my head!

I could pretend I wasn’t a saviour or a Saint, that I could simply choose him, have a life, be in love. That we wouldn’t have one night, we would have thousands.

It was a perfect ending for me really because I got both the angsty hero-sacrifices-himself-for-protagonist-and-greater-good scene AND the happy ending. I’ve honestly been spoilt 😂 My shipper heart has never been so satisfied.

The actual plot of the ending was a complete blur and I have no idea what happened other than Alina lost her power and the Darkling died and... some other people became light summoners? I think? I was so focused on whether Mal would live or not I couldn’t really process the rest! I will have to reread.

It’s a shame that Alina no longer has her power and that Mal lost some of his tracking skill in the end, but... I’ll take it for a happy ending where they spend the rest of their lives together as equals. It’s not like Mal stole her power from her. They both made sacrifices and in the end, they still won.

The shrieks of the volcra erupted around me as the Fold began to unravel. It was a miracle. And I didn’t care. The Saints could keep their miracles. The Grisha could keep their long lives and their lessons. Mal was dead.

I love that most of the book is all about her feeling the pull of her powers, feeling changed by it, drifting from Mal… but in the end, when it’s all done and over, she doesn’t care. She wants none of it. She chooses him. She wants him back. This is what I was waiting the whole series to read, honestly. Love conquers all, baby.

I just love that there were all these passages about their love not being possible because “they weren’t the same people any more” and the boy and girl from the orphanage were gone... and yet, it ends with the boy and the girl at the orphanage. Just like how it started. It's so obvious to me now that the whole story was about THE BOY AND THE GIRL. Every Before and After. It was right there all along.

THANK YOU, LEIGH BARDUGO.

My soul can now die happy.

I thought it was a really beautiful story.

Would happily reread. Will happily reread.

Im definitely going to continue with the other Grishaverse books too.

Can’t wait for more of the show because I’m honestly in love with the casting and this pairing and this series. Please, please, God, let it be renewed, and with the same cast, and covering the whole trilogy!

#shadow and bone #siege and storm #ruin and rising #grishaverse #mal x alina #mal and alina #malina #malyen oretsev #alina starkov #true north #book review #spoilers #sab spoilers

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urtypicalemolady · 4 years ago

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Happiest Years (Oikawa Tooru x Fem! Reader) ***********************

Y/n's P.O.V

"My wife. My beautiful, wonderful, extraordinary, wonderful, amazing, wife. I love you so much. I've never believed that anyone can be more perfect than me, yet here you are. On the bed, asleep with our beautiful 13 year-old daughter in your arms. Your soft little snores are so adorable. Your laugh, your smile, your eyes. Oh, those wonderful eyes. Those eyes I fell with all those years ago. When we met at the optometrist, summer of my last year in middle school. You were getting new contacts and I was getting glasses because I wanted to look cool and cute. When I saw those e/c that day, I knew that that was my new favorite thing to see. Your soft hair. How amazing it smells every time. Whenever you leave for work and I stay at home, I always smell the pillow you laid your head on because I miss your scent so much. That might be weird and I'm sorry but your shampoo honestly has the best smell. I love your smell. I love how your hands fit perfectly with mine. Our height difference is just perfect. I remember how you wouldn't give me your phone number when I asked for it. Instead, you gave me your address. I was so confused that day. Then you said, 'I wanna do it like the old days. No phone calls, no sending photos, no texts. If you really like me, then you're willing to write everyday. If not everyday at least once a week.' I thought 'Wow. She is the most interesting girl I've ever met. I think I'm in love'...Iwa-chan immediately liked you because you were not like the other girls that were chasing me. In fact, it was the opposite. I was the one chasing you.

Even when we weren't dating yet, you always supported me. In volleyball, school, even life itself. Everything. You didn't even like me back. I thought that my family or Iwa-chan or Makki or even Mattsun...I thought that they were the only important people in my life. If they're there, I'll be fine but I was wrong. I now realize that you are the one I needed. You always made my day just by breathing. I don't know where I would be without you.

I love how you would have random dance parties in the kitchen every morning. I love the way you laugh. I love your eyes. I could stare at them for hours and would not get bored of it. I love the way you hug me. You would wrap your hands around my sides and just tell me that I'm lucky to have you as my girlfriend. You're not wrong. I love it when we cuddle. I love it when you smile. I love it when you would watch alien documentaries with me. I love how you sing in the kitchen every morning. You're not the best at it but you never cared. Even my own parents loves you more than me. That's just how amazing you are.

We have our downs in the relationship, of course. The number one being, you, rejecting me when I asked you to marry me. I understand though. We just started college and we were young. Number two, you rejected me again when I asked. That one, I didn't understand because we had been dating for eight years and we lived together. But you just weren't ready yet. I was so attached to you, it almost felt toxic to be around you. I felt like, I can't breathe without you on my side. I can't eat, sleep, play, focus. You were like a medicine that I need to have everyday or else I will die. So, you rejecting me twice, really hurt me. Number three, this was probably the worst thing I have ever done to you...I...cheated on you. I know, I know it was a shitty thing to do and I'm not going to make an excuse for it. I'm going to own it.

We broke up.

Three years later, we got back together. When I asked you to marry me again, you finally said yes. That was the happiest day of my life. Words couldn't express my love for you. So, instead, I used action. *wink wink*

Ok, topic change. That was too much information. I'm sorry.

Birthdays were always the best when you're around. You would give me the most ridiculous gifts. I don't even know where you find them. Two years ago, you got me Rudolph plushie with Tobio-chan's head and an album of apples. Why? Till this day, I have no idea. But I love all of it. If it comes from you, then I'm happy with it.

If you're reading this, then it's our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. Happy anniversary, Y/n. My lovely, Y/n. My queen. My everything.

This is a love letter, yes. Not a goodbye letter. And if you're reading this, then I'm probably gone.

My alzheimer might be getting worse. So, the Oikawa Tooru you loved is probably gone. I'm writing the things I remember before all my memories go away. If you ever feel sad, or whenever present me is being mean to you, read this letter to cheer you up. I know it's not much but it's the most sentimental thing I could think of. I also thought it would be romantic since this is how we fell in love. Writing letters to each other for three years. My whole high school years were dedicated to you.

I will always love you, Oikawa Y/n

Never ever ever forget it. Unlike me, I've probably forgotten who you are. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.

I hope you stay happy. I hope you keep loving me if I'm ever a dick to you. I love you so so so so so so so much!!! Kisses!!! Hugs!!! I love you!! Words can't express what those three words are to me. But I have to let you know, let you remember, that I love you!

Thank you for accepting me. Thank you for dealing with my weirdness. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for the happiest years of my life. Thank you for the craziest rollercoaster I've ever been on. It's definitely my favorite one. Thank you for everything. Thank you for the years you've helped me through every damn thing life threw at me. Even if I'm gone, this letter will always be here. I will always be with you. This is proof that I actually loved someone else other than volleyball and myself. If you ever miss me, re-read this. Re-watch the videos that we've made. Say hi to Iwa-chan for me. I said it once and I'll say it more. I will always be here and I will always love you like how you loved me.

-From your perfect, flat husband, Oikawa Tooru❤️❤️"

"This was the last letter your husband gave you." A young lady told me. She was crying for some reason.

"Hey, why are you crying?" I asked as I wipe her tears. "And what husband? I don't have a husband."

"You have a husband. His name is Oikawa Tooru. He was a volleyball player. The best setter and volleyball player ever. He didn't got to Shiratorizawa and he never went to nationals but that doesn't prove anything. He was still the best." She chuckled while wiping her tears away.

"Where is he now? I'd like to meet him. I must've scored a good one." I smiled.

"Oh, he's not here anymore. He died eight years ago."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Was what I could say. I don't really remember why I'm apologizing. "I don't want to sound weird but you are very beautiful. I feel like I've seen you before." I say observing her. "What are your parent's names? Have I met them before?"

"My name is Oikawa Yua. You've met my parents. My father is Oikawa Tooru and my mother is Oikawa Y/n. They are both blessed with extreme beauty and strength." She smiled through her tears. "The best parents ever..."

"Oh, they must be wonderful parents. But I'm sorry. I don't think I've met them before. Their names don't ring a bell." I gave her another sympathetic smile. She didn't answer me. Instead she bursted into tears and kept calling me 'mom'. She looked really sad that, I too, started to cry...

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vithyahairandmakeup · 5 years ago

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My Decade

My 2010 started with me finishing my one year diploma at London College of Fashion. I was so excited to start my new career with this prestigious qualification at one of the World’s top fashion institutions, but the makeup artist I used to look up to so much then, told me that I would not last long in this field. She broke my heart. And not because I thought I was doomed, but because of how discouraging and mean she was.

Up until that moment I thought I had to prove something to my family, but then quickly realised that I am leaving one pack of wolves - my family of course - to walk into another - this industry!I swore to myself then, that I would encourage and support any other makeup artist along my journey and not be like her. I would like to believe that I stayed true to that to some extent. Whatever she had told me did place some doubt in my heart. Just as a precaution I thought I better apply somewhere and work part time at least. So I applied at MAC cosmetics, who had actually rejected me. They then gave me a call a few months later and asked if I could cover during their busy christmas period. Once I started at MAC, they kept me on and I worked for them for another 3 years. They even offered me the managerial position, the irony.

During the three years at MAC, I was so unsure and so confused in what direction I wanted to go in. It was a part time position, so it didn’t pay well, and I was desperately trying to freelance on the weekends. I would get a client once every few months, who wouldn’t pay me much. Without a car, without a proper makeup trolley, it was agony carrying my suitcase up and down underground staircases and holding onto it with my dear life during packed train journeys. I can assure you, it was not a pleasant experience at all.I tried being part of short movies, worked with the National Portrait Gallery, the Arcadia group (who own Topshop, Dorothy Perkins etc.), fashion shows for Nintendo, and even a shoot for British Airways. But all were unpaid and definitely got me nowhere except for a few phone pictures to add to my Facebook Page.

I would come home after a long day of standing and lugging my suitcase around, and my parents would look at me with judgemental eyes wondering why a science graduate who landed a very well paid job in a huge marketing company, would give it all up to do makeup on people for minimum wages and be treated like a servant?I honestly never ever regretted my decision. Yes it was tough not making money, and spending all my earnings on building a better makeup kit or on my travel, but it gave me life; it brought me happiness, it made me want to get out of bed, and it definitely distracted me from my anti depressants and suicidal thoughts. Being a makeup artist brought me back to life.

In 2013, I quit MAC and took the brave decision to go self employed. I registered my company officially. My freelance work had picked up, and I wanted to free my weekends from working in retail. I wanted to explore more and try out new things.I still remember I had hit 10K followers on Instagram after joining in 2012 and more and more people started to get to know me around the world. Instagram opened up a lot of doors for me.Having lived in Germany most of my childhood, my parents were ok with me travelling to Europe for bridal jobs because I was able to stay with family. I think I was the first Tamil makeup artist back then who travelled to neighbouring countries for work. That was probably one of the best decisions I had made. Travelling around Europe and doing makeup got me exposed a lot more and people who were not on social media knew of my existence.

And as per usual I would still collaborate and work for free with anyone who contacted me. I wanted to get out there and try everything new. During exactly one of these collabs, I was asked to come early morning one day, to do makeup on a male model for a music video shoot. When I arrived that Monday morning I nearly fainted at the sight of Simbu, a very famous Tamil Actor. I was getting my station ready when the makeup artist who was hired for the entire movie did end up coming for this music video shoot. I was gutted. I thought I won’t get a chance to work with him and was prepared to pack up and leave. But the organiser was adamant that I stay and help out. I asked the makeup artist if I could do touch up makeup at least for a few scenes, and she kindly let me. The pictures I took of that moment went viral in South India, and that was the first time people in India started following my work on social media or even knew of my existence.It was also the first time a lot of makeup artists noticed me and can I just say they were not happy with this newbie getting to work with celebrities.

It got worse in 2014 when I was asked to do makeup for another famous Actress, Sneha, for a Wedding Exhibition. To be honest I was very overwhelmed. I did not think I was cut out for the job and kept asking the organisers why not pick some of the more experienced makeup artists. I really was not ready for such a big job. I wasn’t confident.However, the organiser told me that out of all the profiles she had sent Sneha, Sneha herself picked me. That was all I needed. I spoke to Sneha on the phone a week before her arrival, and met her a few days before the show, to discuss the looks and make sure she was happy with everything.Working with her will forever be one of my most cherished moments in my career. She believed in me and trusted me. However a lot of people were absolutely angry at the thought of me doing makeup on someone as famous as her. They could not comprehend that someone as inexperienced, nor established as myself would bag in a job like this. I did understand their disappointment, but was sad that no one seemed to want to support me.

Later that same year, I was asked if I was interested in being a production assistant for two songs from the movie Nanbenda; it was a Red Giant Production acting Udhayanidi and Nayanthara, line produced by Kavino from MYA Media. Of course I know nothing about production, but did not want to turn down this opportunity, so took 9 days off and decided to help out. The shoot took place all over Great Britain with a huge budget and an experience of a life time. I got to personally work with Nayanthara and saw what happened behind the scenes. I made great friends during that shoot, even had the responsibility of finding a castle and two horses for one scene, but went home having to deal with a divorce. Even though career-wise 2014 was a great year for me, but on a personal level I had to deal with a lot of heart ache. And no, it had nothing to do with my career, it was simply bad timing.

The following few years just had me on a rollercoaster to be honest. I tried numerous new things; being a TV host, a judge for dance competitions and beauty peagants, modelling, acting in commercials which never made it on TV, makeup for adverts, short films, magazine shoots, editorials, none were paid of course, until I found a new love for teaching.

I started teaching one-to-one tutorials in 2014 and remember I couldn’t even get two students that December. The following year it grew to 10 students, and in 2016 I had back to back students who were willing to pay whatever I quoted. That I when I made the decision of doing a Masterclass after seeing Mario (Kim Kardashian’s Makeup Artist) do these around the US. I had no guidelines nor knew how to start. Masterclasses were unheard of in our community. I was the first.I hired a small gallery space, and rented 20 chairs. I had my cousins and friends help me set up and we bought a Kettle and paper cups to serve tea and coffee for everyone. I thought the day went so well, and absolutely enjoyed the teaching, to get a call at the end of that day from my mum crying down the phone telling me that our house got robbed. Well we quickly found out that nothing was actually stolen, but the house just go trashed. A lot of us that night stayed up thinking someone did not want me to do these classes. My high ended with such a low, and got worse when I woke up to a lot of emails from our students complaining about numerous things in regards to my Masterclass. Today, I have taught 16 classes all over the world now with as many as 80 students, and for renowned makeup brands such as Bobbi Brown and Nars Cosmetics. So don’t ever let anyone or anything stop you from what you love and what you are meant to do.

Anyway, the following years have definitely been the best; from campaign shoots for Pothys, being flown out around the world for Bridal jobs, being a panelist and being a Keynote speaker for American Express, working with South Indian Movie celebrities Amy Jackson, Bharathirajah, the beautiful Sneha again, and Meena, being in charge of Makeup for Anirudh’s Concert in London and Paris, interviewed on mental health and published in Huffington Post, and my YouTube journey with my Saree draping video amassing nearly 6 million views. I know this is not work related but me marrying the most amazing human being in New York almost 3 years ago definitely was a huge benefactor in my career too. Happiness does wonders, I tell you.

Either way, none of it came easy. Yes it was hard work, but no one ever publicly or openly talks about the politics and the drama that happen in the industry behind closed doors. How not only do you have to deal with your nerves when working on a big project but you probably have to pray all day that no one tries to sabotage this opportunity for you; that no one talks to the organiser and pays them off to drop you last minute (has happened to me countless times), and hope that no one talks behind your back and invents rumours about you. The best rumour was that my ex husband left me because I was having a relationship with Simbu apparently. When my Bride told me that, my answer was “I wish”. We had such a laugh that day.

My last 10 years taught me so much. I grew on a professional and personal level. I think maturity and experience has helped me deal with a lot of it, and face a lot of it.I have some amazing friends also who are in the same field as me, and I have never stopped encouraging, teaching, or inspiring others who are entering this industry. I want to be that someone I never had 10 years ago. Jealousy, competitiveness, and hate does nothing but destroy. It ruins, and it causes nothing but pain. Fame can be another culprit too. It’s great to want to grow on social media, but do not lose your morals, values, and principles along the way. Once you lose respect, it is very hard to earn it back.

How does one deal with all of this? I used to wonder why some people were so horrible, but then gave up trying to figure out what their reasons were. I still get hate or have situations were other makeup artists try and make it very difficult for me, but the first step was to block a lot of words and people on social media. Of course we want to be liked, and we want to be a good person and set a good example, but do we really need to prove something to someone who does not know you nor like you? No matter what line of business you are, there is going to be competition. There is going to be people around you who are going to watch you like a hawk and copy every single thing that you do. But let that be a positive thing. Let that challenge you to do better, and be better, and get outside of your comfort zone. Focus on your own path and cut out anything or anyone who stresses you out or causes negativity. It really is as simple as that.Comparing yourself to others is the worst thing you could do to yourself. Insecurities do not get you anywhere. Have the right people around you who feed your soul with positivity and happiness. And definitely stay away from those who like to gossip about others in the industry. Never healthy I tell you. Trust me, I have been there, done that.

My testimony is to help you see the non-glamorous side of my job, but also see how it has never been easy and still isn’t for any of us. In 2007 I tried to take my life. If anyone had told me then, that in 2020 I will be writing a blog about how to deal with negativity, I would have laughed in their face. But here I am today, doing what I love, loving life, and not being the slightest bit deterred by the few who will always try and bring you down. I have an amazing support system of family and friends, and there are hundreds of thousands of you who support me, so surely that has to count for something too. I am so ready to take on the next decade. Are you?

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scatteredfangirling · 5 years ago

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Four Continents 2020 - Men’s FS: Group 4

My heart is soft at Keegan watching Nam’s FS before his group’s warmup - and the HUG !

Post will update as the event goes on

Keegan Messing

ouch that solo quad toe landing was rough - double hands down

keegan pls hold it together

i am a sucker for knee choreo

that’s an...interesting sit spin position - has he done that before?

full butt landing on that triple... sigh

wait he was supposed to combo that jump ??? oh rip where is the emergency combo gonna be

there are so many split jumps in the house tonight

a hydroplane ?? dude keegan who r u ??

this was rough - he really fought for it at the end though

Yuma Kagiyama

Yuma just looks so tiny but I know he’s so powerful (he’s the japanese junior champion and earned bronze at japanese senior nationals this season)

so far so good - he’s been as clean as a whistle

really beautiful triple axel combo

yuma is overall really technically sound - can’t wait for him to grow into the performance aspect a little more

okay, we’re seeing some of that in the choreo and step sequences, now that he’s not focusing on jumps

awwww his cute little happy nod when he finished!

Junhwan Cha

JUUUUUN !!! my favorite mushroom boy

this instrumental is dramatic

good start with the quad toe

clean quad sal !! give it to us jun (please podium pls pls)

triple axel combo goot

oh wow the timing on that solo triple axel is so emphatic, i love

god i’m getting goosebumps

i love his layback ina bauer - it’s just so elegant, it’s nothing fancy in terms of crazy flexibility, but it’s just so nice

wow the crowd is really going nuts at every jump

his spread eagle with the port au bras armssss

wow - he really made this happen back at home

i’m so proud of him !! i’m not crying at all

Yuzuru Hanyu

god celery seimei here we go (someone said yuzu nctzen confirmed in my group chat and i lost it)

i love seimei but i really hope this season is the last time i see it for comps

that first quad was so tilted - bruh

okay we’re back on track with the quad sal

i will never get over his backcounter entry on the 3A (like i will still compare other axels to that in ten years time)

ahh yes, the seimei step sequence sexy catwalks (i’m sorry i have no other way of phrasing it)

another tilted quad - oof and then a fall on quad toe

this was a rollercoaster jump wise - i guess that’s what we get for enjoying a flawless chopin earlier

it doesn’t matter if yuzuru’s kinda “meh” about this performance, it will still rain poohs

lmao literally that one point from the fall prevented him from breaking 300 total

on another note, i completely forgot that we truncated the men’s free by 30s so i thought i was hallucinating how temporally close together yuzu’s jumps were

Boyang Jin

go boyang go !!

the distance of his quad lutz always scares tf out of me - he stuck that landing though

oopsy popped salchow to a double

dude he’s popcorning so hard - what are you doing boyanggg, please get your head on straight

not a fan of the stand-still choreo

okay, there we go, the jumps are back

he’s back in the game and fighting for it

this wasn’t his best run, and he knows it

it wasn’t a disaster, but there were just too many mental breaks :(

Jason Brown

Ready for Jason to hit me with those lines and mega GOEs on his triples

Triple axel combo, check

man group 4 is really just popcorning everywhere huh (then again i’ll take a popcorn party over a splatfest any day)

group 4 also just wants to kill me with all the pretty layback ina bauers

i haven’t seen jason’s spirals in so long, but i fall in love with them all over again every time

that’s such a nice biellman spin position

that dramatique ending pose though

and his “happy with it” smile :) !!

So in conclusion...

Yuzu finally won 4CC for the first time ever, Jason 2nd place !! heck yeah !! and tiny yuma in 3rd

#Keegan Messing #yuma kagiyama #junhwan cha #Yuzuru Hanyu #boyang jin #jason brown #mens #figure skating #team canada #team japan #team korea #team china #team usa #four continents 2020 #it is i a simple human #time to ramble

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ciarawritesmarvel · 6 years ago

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friday breaktime - steve rogers x reader [soulmate!AU]

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Word Count: 5.8k (i worked so hard on this my head hurts)

Warnings: Some language, I’m sorry I couldn’t help myself. There isn’t too much. A load of angst, a load of fluff, it’s a rollercoaster and I ain’t sorry

A/N: Welcome to Day Seven of Hello Spring by @ibwhellospring! Additionally this is also my entry to @moonbeambucky‘s 5k challenge - congrats on 5k lovely and a cheers to the next 5k! You deserve it. I ran with this one and I sincerely apologise for the delay on this. I would really appreciate some feedback on it though because I think I like it but I’m not sure. I love you all. Lots.

Prompt: “Are you in?” (i took some creative license with this)

my masterlist is in my bio and tags in a reblog! feedback is more than appreciated!!

---

Friday breaktime was special. Everybody waited for Friday breaktime.

Everybody except you.

Every Friday breaktime, in the middle of the morning, it was time to talk to your soulmate. It wasn’t as if you’d all been told this by the teachers, or that it was compulsory, or that it happened in all schools across the nation. It seemed to just be an unspoken rule in your own school, passed down to the new years as they came through. You sat in different corners of the playground, some people liked to find their own space, some people sat in circles and giggled with each other as they talked, some people on the tarmac of the playground, on the grass of the field, on the wood of the benches.

By this point, you’d had seven years to get used to these Fridays and somehow, experience did not make them easier to bear.

“You wanna sit together? I spoke to Parker last night anyway, so we can chat now instead if you want?” Tanya offered and you smiled gratefully at her, knowing that she really would forgo the excitement of chatting to Parker just to make your own Friday better. She was the only one at school that knew of your ‘predicament’ and she had never been anything but amazing about it. You couldn’t have asked for a better best friend.

“No, Tan, it’s fine, go talk to him,” you insisted and when Tanya only raised an eyebrow at you, you shook your head and pushed her away from you, “Go!”

She thanked you with a quick hug and quickly ran off to a bench and sat down and you saw her giggle. There he was. He was always there when she needed him.

You had to breathe steadily through your nose to keep the tears at bay.

You went found a free bench on the grass and sat down, swinging your legs up beside you as you leaned back against it. Silently, you willed yourself not to try again, not to disappoint yourself, not to ruin your day.

But you couldn’t help yourself.

You tapped into your soul, as you’d been taught so many years ago. Nothing. Just as always. And after so many trips to the doctor and to the psych and to the hypnotherapist, there was only one explanation.

You didn’t have a soulmate.

But instead of sharing that with people and seeing your friends’ looks of pity, risking the sad smiles of your teachers and the taunting looks of the resident bullies, you plastered a smile on your face and laughed at 30 second intervals, acting as if you were having the conversation in your head that you’d always wanted to have.

---

Tanya had found Parker. Properly, now.

You’d all ended up at the same high school, despite the two of them saying they wouldn’t force a meeting, that they’d let fate decide and wait as long as they had to. Turns out they didn’t have to wait all that long.

And you were so happy for them. Really. Parker was wonderful; cute and a little awkward but overwhelmingly endearing and you couldn’t meet a better match. But sitting with them every lunch time stung more than you’d ever let on.

“Oh my god, Parker!” you heard Tanya exclaim from the other end of the table while you were lost in your thoughts and you snapped back to reality, your head turning to see what the commotion was all about.

You saw the box of donuts on the table, the fact that they spelt out the word PROM with a silly little question mark éclair on the end and you felt the churning in the pit of your stomach instantly. It made you feel horrible.

“Will you go to prom with me?” Parker asked, a hand rubbing the back of his neck but she practically pounced on him, kissing all over his face, saying yes over and over. Your friends clapped and cheered. You clapped. Mind numb.

Maybe you weren’t as happy for them as you thought.

Tanya came up to you, giggling and showing you the donuts and you laughed and smiled and nodded along in the right places, making sure not to speak in case you betrayed any of your unhappiness. You knew your friend wouldn’t hesitate to bring her mood right down and look after you if you showed the slightest hint of discomfort, as would Parker who was now the second person at school who knew about your...condition. You hated that word. But apparently that’s what it was.

Lack of soulmate. ‘Disanam’. It even had a fancy name. A fancy name that was firmly branded on every medical record, every school file, every document that detailed your existence. A fancy name that you spat out every time you had to say it at annual appointments.

There was no one to blame. To direct your anger towards. Not your parents, nor your friends, nor your non-existent soulmate.

At least there was no Friday break time at high school, you reasoned, as you sat at the table, surrounded by your friends and feeling utterly and completely alone.

---

You pushed open the door to the bar gingerly, making your way inside with darting eyes and an already elevated heart rate. You were so out of your comfort zone that you weren’t sure of the way back to it anymore. Nearly all of your friends had suggested you come here, very lovingly, and you’d refused multiple times, on the grounds that you were over love and that you were focusing on your career. To which they had, rightly, called bullshit. So here you were. In a bar for people with no soulmates.

It was aptly and rather bluntly named Disanam, and whether that was irony or just good branding, you didn’t know.

A few eyes turned your way as you pushed through towards the bar, surprised at how busy it was. Having been the only one at your school growing up with this problem, you’d always vaguely thought that you were the only person in the world without their own person. You knew, logically, that you weren’t but you felt like you were and that had been enough.

Although, you thought, if you hadn’t told practically anyone about what made you special in the worst way, you wondered if there were others who kept it to themselves too.

“Haven’t seen you in here before,” the bartender said as you sat yourself in a free bar stool and you half-smiled at him.

“Haven’t been in here before,” you countered, “I’ll have a beer please.”

“Coming right up, darling,” he said and you just about stopped yourself from grimacing at the nickname. He turned to get your drink and then turned back, leaning in a little too close to whisper, “I’m pretty sure you’ll get snapped up in here.”

He turned away and you tried to calm yourself down. This was all a lot to take it. Too much to take in. You’d never been hit on before. Or called darling. Everyone you’d ever known had soulmates. It was so strange interacting with people who didn’t have that constant everlasting commitment.

“Haven’t seen you around here before,” a man behind you said and you turned on your stool to face him, at least to half face him, your legs perpendicular to his body.

“He already tried that one,” you said with a little chuckle, indicating towards the bartender and the man laughed too, hitting his head with his palm lightly.

“Shoulda known,” he said with a kind smile, holding out his hand for you to shake, “I’m Brock. Nice to meet you.”

You shook it tentatively, and not with the usual firm grip that you sported at work.

“You too,” you said truthfully and in what must have been a panic you added, “So how long have you known that you didn’t have a soulmate?”

His face fell. Hardened. You cursed yourself, closing your eyes as you processed exactly what you’d just said.

Idiot.

“We don’t talk like that here,” he said suddenly, his voice different, angry almost and in the back of your mind you thought that was slightly unfair, “In here, we have soulmates, we just can’t talk to them in our heads. This is where people like us find our soulmates.”

You narrowed your eyes, brow furrowed.

“But that’s not true. We don’t have soulmates, that’s the whole-”

You trailed off as his face slowly morphed into a sinister scowl and he reached over you to take the beer that you’d paid for as you shrank back away from him. He opened it and took a long swig, wiping his mouth with his sleeve when he’d finished.

“Bartender was wrong,” he said, a cutting edge overtaking what had been such an open and friendly face and you could help but feel overwhelmingly guilty, “You won’t get snapped up in here.”

He sauntered off without another word, without a second glance. You looked around you, eyes wide and shocked. There were a few people staring, some with pitying glances and some that also looked offended at what you’d said.

“Word of advice,” the bartender’s voice rang clear behind you and you grimaced, already annoyed by his patronising tone, “Maybe don’t mention the lack of soulmate thing here?”

You whirled to face him.

“Word of advice to you, darling,” you said and he reared back away from the bar at the venom in your words as you spat them out, “Close down this bar. The only thing you’re serving is delusion.”

With that, you hopped off the stool and walked out of the bar without turning back, only just managing not to cry until you were in the street walking home. There were only a few tears to be shed as you hurriedly speed walked home and you wiped them away as soon as they came, trying to hold your head as high as you could.

Maybe you really were over love.

---

You were walking along the street, heels clacking on the pavement at a steady rhythm, skirt rubbing against your knees a little uncomfortably, folders in one hand and a Starbucks cup in the other. You felt good. Confident, even. You hadn’t felt confident in...well you couldn’t quite remember the last time.

You were three months in to a total shutdown of the soul section of your brain. You hadn’t tapped into it. Hadn’t even tried to, wanted to. After all this time, you had sought the help you needed to be happy on your own and it had worked.

You didn’t have a soulmate. And that was okay. More than okay.

But life has a funny way of working things out. And it was as you were smiling to yourself about this fact that it happened. That everything changed.

All at once. A torrent of thoughts slamming into your brain with the weight of ten thousand buses. Your eyes were blinded with the brightest light you had ever seen, your body crumpling with pain that you didn’t know was possible.

You screamed. People around you covered their ears. Jumped out of their skin.

But before you could notice any of that, you were already on the ground, passed out from the sheer force of whatever the hell had just happened.

---

Your head killed. The kind of throbbing headache that felt like it would last a lifetime, that it would never go away. You grimaced as you opened your eyes, slowly, blinking like a newborn kitten, face scrunched up. When you could finally open your eyes properly and see that you were in a hospital bed, a thousand (or maybe three) tubes poking out of you, you sat up suddenly and clutched your head at the motion.

There was a doctor by your bedside and you could hear the words they were saying but your brain wasn’t processing them. You read the doctor’s lips. What they were saying didn’t match up with the voice you could hear. A voice you could hear in your head.

“How did this happen? Where am I? What’s going on? Who? What? Where?”

There were desperate questions ricocheting inside your mind and it didn’t take you long to realise that you must have tapped into your soul whilst you were asleep.

But there was someone there.

“He-hello?”

You attempted to say, not really knowing how to talk to someone in your soul seeing as you’d never had anyone there before. Your heart was beating faster than it ever had before and the doctor was yelling something about ‘cardiac’ but you weren’t listening. You let your eyes fall closed. Focused.

“Hello?”

“Is- Is someone there?”

A reply. Your heart leaped. You choked on your own breath. And then suddenly the doctor was injecting you with something and you were desperately clawing at him to get the hell away from you and the darkness took over once again.

---

“You there?”

You weren’t sure you’d ever get used to it. The fact that a soulmate had been thrust upon you. It was like a death, as your fancy diagnosis was suddenly ripped out from under your feet. The fancy diagnosis that you had always hated but that had always been your safe cocoon to retreat into whenever you desired.

Just like a death, you’d gone through the five stages of grief.

Denial. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. You shut your soulmate out for a week, trying not to his voice in your head whenever he checked on you. He was ecstatic at your presence. But just for a while, you refused to handle it.

Anger. When you finally spoke to him, it was all questioning, accusatory and furious. You asked him where he’d been and screamed at him in your head when he wouldn’t answer you. Told him that it was too late for you to suddenly have a soulmate, after a lifetime of dealing with the fact that you didn’t have one.

Bargaining. Asked him to move on. Told him it wasn’t going to happen. That you didn’t want a soulmate, that you never did. That phase only lasted for one day before-

Depression. Deep and never-ending. Overwhelming and overpowering. You talked to him seldom and when you did it was morose ramblings on the time you’d missed out on, the years wasted mourning something you thought you’d never had. He caught some of your sadness, held it himself, talked about how much he felt like he’d missed out on, reminded you that he hadn’t had a soulmate during his childhood either, that he knew how you felt exactly. You had some arguments here and there, him accusing you of being self absorbed and you accusing him of not being there for you when you needed him more than anything. But somehow, along the way, you helped each other through it in a strange way.

Acceptance. Your current state. Only a few weeks in to this one. But hearing his voice pop up at random moments during your day now brought a smile to your face that nobody throughout your life so far had done.

“I’m here. What’s up?” you replied readily, continuing your typing on your computer.

“I just-”

He trailed off, not knowing how to continue and you began to get worried. This was too good to be true, you knew it, you always had and now he was going to leave again and you’d be left all on your-

“I just wanted to say thank you.”

...That wasn’t what you’d been expecting.

“Thank you? For what?”

A pause. You could almost hear him taking a heavy breath. The pause became too long and you filled the silence in your head, because already silence in your head had become unbearable.

“For what, Steve?”

“For giving me something to fight for.”

The words floored you and you stopped your typing instantly. You leaned back into your chair. Tried to keep yourself under control, calm and collected.

“Fight for?”

Another pause and you felt your annoyance begin to rise until-

“...Metaphorically, of course.”

You breathed a sigh of pure relief. And then began to wonder just how important Steve had already become to you. You knew he would be, of course, he was your soulmate, but to suddenly understand that instant connection that everybody raved about, that attraction, that love…

Love?

You’d never thought that before. You hoped he couldn’t hear you.

“Well, you’re welcome, I suppose. I should be the one thanking you. You saved me from a life I didn’t want to live,” you replied, a little timidly, but the words came through nonetheless.

It was honest. More honest than you were with anyone else really. Even Tanya.

He felt the honesty in your words. And unbeknownst to you, it made him fall even more in love with you, because he was already fully aware of the fact that he loved you more than anything, more than anyone. He was all in.

“You’re welcome too, Y/N.”

---

“Y/N are you there? Talk to me, Y/N. Tell me that, for some miraculous reason, you’re not in New York.”

You heard his voice almost exactly the same time as something ripped a hole in the sky above Stark Tower and you dropped the cup you’d been holding with a splash onto the pavement. You felt the boiling hot contents seeping into the skin of your feet and calves through your tights and you pressed your lips together tightly, eyes focused on the scene before you.

And then, things started flying out of it. One of them fired something that looked like light and you heard a crash and suddenly a building was on fire.

Your scalded feet were long forgotten.

You ran, as fast as you could away from the Tower, hearing the whizzing sound of whatever those things were over your head. A burst of light send a car into flames next to you and you yelped as you dived the other way, breathing heavily as your back hit the wall of shop front, eyes trained on the fire right there, feeling the heat radiating from it.

Your mind tuned back into Steve who now sounded as if he were shouting right into your ear. You cursed yourself for not replying to him sooner.

“I’m okay, God, I’m sorry, Steve, I’m okay.”

“Jesus, sweetheart, you had me worried there.”

He sounded breathless and you didn’t know that soul voices could sound breathless.

“Are you okay? Are you seeing this?”

“I am. Where are you, let me come and find you.”

“We can’t, Steve,” you said forcefully, knowing that he was just worried and didn’t know what he was saying, “You know it’s bad luck.”

He sighed. Deeply.

“I know. But I-” he was gone, fully gone for a good few seconds and you held your breath, still pressed against a wall and wincing every time an explosion set off nearby, “I can’t talk now. I’m sorry. Get somewhere safe.”

“What do you mean you can’t talk now? Are you safe?”

A pause. Over the past year you’d come to hate it when Steve paused during your conversations.

“I love you.”

Your heart dropped. He’d never said that before. You’d never said that before. Why was he saying it now.

“Steve? What’s happening?”

No reply. A loud bang. You had to run.

“I love you too.”

---

You hadn’t heard from Steve in four years.

Four. Years.

After a year of bliss with a soulmate in your head and a lightness in your heart, you’d finally gotten over the feeling that it was all going to slip through your fingers at any moment. But that’s exactly what had happened. You’d lost your soulmate.

You didn’t know where to direct your anger. It was like your childhood all over again. Whether to be angry at Steve; whether he had simply abandoned you, if he could hear you every time you tried to talk to him and just decided to ignore you. Since the last words he said to you were that he loved you, somehow you doubted that could possibly be the case. But it was possible.

Or maybe your anger needed to be directed at someone else. He’d disappeared from your mind, from your soul, during the Battle of New York. There were plenty of ‘Steve’s on the list of the dead. Not that you had the mental capacity to consider that. You couldn’t.

Because you’d loved him too. Truly. Completely. With your entire soul.

So now you were taking matters into your own hands. This fucking sucked. And you wouldn’t stand it anymore. Bad luck be damned.

You’d been practicing the illegal art of soul reading for months and you were finally ready to carry out what you’d needed to do for years. You were going to delve into Steve’s thoughts, the ones that he didn’t offer up to you. If you found nothing then...well you’d know his fate. And if you heard something then...well then you just might be able to find him.

You cleared your own thoughts. Sat down on your mat, crossed your legs one over the other. Closed your eyes. Furrowed your brow. Concentrated. Concentrated. Concentrated. There was a dull pain in the very middle of your forehead but you ignored it and pressed on.

You began to hear the faint remnants of another’s thoughts. It was all you could do not to lose it right then and there. But you couldn’t. You had to press on. On and on.

...if we stay here then they’ll find us, no problem. But if we move, then we’ll have to stick to the shadows with every trick in the book. Every trick not in the book. It still won’t work. Someone will find us. But for now we just have to…

It was Steve. Unmistakably. There were tears rolling down your cheeks that you had to ignore.

...Wakanda is no place for me to stay…

Your eyes snapped open and you gasped for breath, clutching at your throat.

It took you no longer than 48 hours to set foot in Wakanda.

You’d had to threaten some shady looking people, with a kitchen knife that you’d have no idea how to really use and a strength that seemed to solely come from the need to find your soulmate. A strength you didn’t realise you even had. Eventually a man with a funny sounding name had offered to take you there, sneak you in, for a price. A price you had paid. All of your life’s savings.

All you wanted was Steve. That feeling hadn’t dwindled over four years. It had only grown stronger.

Along with the feeling of wanting to punch him in the face as soon as you found him.

As you were dropped at the outskirts of the city and you gazed on at the gorgeous landscape up ahead of you, wondering how on earth they had managed to keep such beauty hidden, you saw a figure walking towards you over the hill and you stood frozen still. As if that meant they couldn’t see you.

Your plan hadn’t gone any further than just getting here. Go figure.

“Who the hell are you?” the man said loudly as he continued getting closer and closer to you and you forced yourself to stay planted, not to run away. There was no turning back from this now.

“I’m looking for my soulmate,” you said bluntly, folding your arms, “A man named Steve. Do you know a Steve?”

The man laughed. It wasn’t a kind sound.

“There are not many Steves here.”

“Not many,” you repeated, staying brave even though your legs were jelly. You had come too far, “But any?”

The man looked distant. In thought. He came closer and in one sudden movement had your arms pinned behind your back with his hand, making you cry out in pain.

“I must take you to the king. You do not belong here.”

You didn’t struggle. The man had a look in his eye that told you not to, that it wasn’t in your best interests. But not in a threatening way. Somehow, you knew that wherever you were going, you were being lead towards Steve. You allowed yourself to be marched through the streets.

As you’d already realised: you had come too far to give up now. Or ever.

---

“Sir? I’ve brought an intruder to you.”

Your captor pushed you forward and you stumbled into the room. The door slammed behind you and you jumped at the sound. There was a man in the corner of the room, staring out of the window and you could only make out a shadow of his profile from here. You walked forwards.

“Are you...the king?”

The man laughed, only a little. This one was kinder.

“I am no king.”

You blinked at his voice. It sounded familiar, almost like…

The man turned around and at once it was obvious. Why he sounded familiar. Your eyes widened and you took a step back in shock as the man walked over to you from the window, his face hard and unforgiving and yet, you could see the remnants of soft lines within it that he hadn’t quite managed to rid himself of yet.

It was Captain America himself. The fugitive. Though you weren’t sure you could ever see such a hero as a fugitive yourself.

“Captain America?”

He had a little scruff going on that wasn’t at all unappealing and his hair was longer and less perfectly golden than it had looked on TV so many times. He was wearing a button down and slacks and the whole look of him was surreal.

“Not anymore,” he said, a hint of sadness there but you could only tell that because you were listening for it. Because it was already written into the lines of his face, of his frown, “Just Steve now.”

Your heart stopped beating. But started again just as quickly. You’d forgotten that he was called Steve. He was just...Captain America. America’s Sweetheart. Golden Boy. Hearing the name Steve out loud was enough to bring you to the verge of tears but you swallowed them right down. This was no place to cry.

“Well…” you were going to say his name but you found that you couldn’t. You opted to avoid it, “Well, I know I’m here to be...punished or whatever but please, hear me out first. I’m here to meet my soulmate. I tapped into his thoughts, you see, and I know that’s a crime but surely not one worth Captain America’s time, and I only did it because I haven’t spoken to him since the Battle of New York, well done there, by the way, and so I probed his mind and found he was in Wakanda so I pulled a few strings, paid out my life’s savings, held out a kitchen knife and here I am! But then that guy, the one that brought me here, the grumpy one, I asked him if he knew any Steves, because my soulmate’s name is Steve and he brought me-”

You stopped. Blinked.

“He brought me-”

The man in front of you wasn’t speaking. His mouth was slightly open and his face was as white as a sheet and his eyes were glassy. You blinked.

“He brought me to you.”

Your voice was so quiet you weren’t sure he’d even heard what you said. But he had. You blinked again, not knowing what else to do, as the pieces slowly slotted together in your head, all coming together to make a beautiful, albeit messy, puzzle.

After a few seconds, moments, minutes, you didn’t know, didn’t fucking care, you walked a couple of steps forwards and he didn’t move. You weren’t sure he could. There were tears in his eyes and on his lashes and on his cheeks and a couple that dropped onto his shirt and left blotchy marks in their wake. You reached up, the pace agonisingly laboured, until your hand gently came into contact with his chest and you pressed into it, feeling the unmoving muscle underneath. Your hand became a fist as you gripped him, your eyes flicking between both of his rapidly.

“...Steve?”

He let out a shaky breath.

“Hi sweetheart.”

You broke down, a breakdown 35 years in the making as both hands got a grip on his shirt and you choked out a sob, a broken sob that you couldn’t hold in. Your eyes locked closed, face becoming wrinkled and puffy and you leaned forward, resting your forehead against his chest as you cried and cried and cried. All the tears from the last four years, the year before that, the years and years before even that where you kept them to yourself. A lifetime of tears bubbling, frothing over in bursting, uneven sobs.

Steve hesitated but not for long. He took you in his arms like he was always meant to, even as your hands hit and punched his chest, he held you, encircling your shoulders and your waist with both arms, clutching on tight as he cried too, less animalistic but with the same raw emotion that poured from you in waves.

He was whispering apologies into your mind, your soul, your ear, both out loud and silently, choked and firm, along with a host of promises that you couldn’t make any sense of.

After a few minutes, moments, hours, you didn’t have a clue, your sobs began to subside, Steve’s shirt drenched and your eyes void of tears to cry. Your hands were again laid flat against his chest, their assault finished, the fight having left them long ago. You pulled back and felt his arms tighten for a moment, the reluctance to give you any breathing room, but he obliged with your silent request.

“Where did you go, Steve? I needed you and you knew that and-” you wiped your nose on your sleeve and hiccuped a little, “Where did you go?”

“I had to stop talking to you, sweetheart. It was dangerous. For you. I am- I was Captain America. It wasn’t safe.”

You nodded. You got the feeling there was more to it than that, that it had come about from a wealth of insecurities and fears and doubts on his part and not the mere fact that he deemed it unsafe but you’d let that go for now. It was a conversation for another time.

Steve was here. In front of you. So late and yet right on time. You wouldn’t waste another moment of having him here.

“Are you still in?”

“I’m sorry?” he said and you let your hands travel from his chest up to the sides of his neck, cradling his face in your hands like he was made of fragile glass.

“What you said to me, that last day. Is that still...Do you still-”

“Always. I am always in. I was just scared. Y/N, I was just so scared. But I love you, I love you so goddamn much and-”

“Shh,” you said soothingly, pulling him in closer and the two of you instinctively closed your eyes as your foreheads touched together, gentle, testing, “I love you too. Always have. Even before I had you.”

“Thank you for coming to get me,” he whispered, his arms winding around your waist, one reaching up into your hair and playing with the strands, carefully, with the loving touch you’d only ever dreamed about.

“Thank you for coming to get me,” you retorted and then, with a small chuckle, “Out of the ice, I presume.”

“Makes sense now, huh?”

“You could’ve told me.”

“I know. I’m an idiot.”

You shook your head and he felt the vibrations against his forehead, your breath against his lips and the tingle that remained there. He could feel your grin. He never wanted to move again.

“My idiot.”

He surged forward at those words, caution to the wind, his desire overriding the overwhelming fear that he’d held towards you for so very long, the paralysing fear that had stopped him from reaching out, from answering when you called. The fear of you being used against him, used as bait, used in order to get to him.

That fear vanished as soon as he saw you.

And now he was kissing you. With every ounce of passion that had been missing in both your lives, with the messiness that came with no practice, with the perfection that came from a first kiss. Your arms were flung haphazardly around his neck and shoulders, gripping and pulling him closer, closer, closer and his own roamed your body, never settling, moving from your face to your hair to your back to your waist. Your tears mingled together on your cheeks.

You kissed until you were smiling too much to kiss anymore.

“We’ve got some catching up to do,” Steve said, loud and clear in your mind and you’d forgotten just how much you’d missed this. You leaned in and kissed him again, hand tugging at the hair at the nape of his neck.

“Later,” you promised silently as you kissed him, knowing that your heart had finally found its home.

---

“...and that is how you calculate the mass of a triangular prism!”

You grinned at your class and the blank looks you received in return only made you chuckle fondly. You looked at them pointedly before placing a hand next to your mouth as if you were telling them a secret.

“How about we finish early for Friday break time?”

The children cheered and had run out of your classroom before you could say another word. You laughed again. They all looked forward to Friday break time. Taking the board eraser from the desk and wiping down all that remained of your maths lesson, you shook your head.

You’d need to work harder to get them interested in this nonsense. You made a mental note to yourself to come up with some sort of game later for them to play tomorrow, because it was the only way you’d get them to take this in.

You strolled outside the watch the kids, standing beside the steps into the school and leaning against the railings. It was a sunny day, with just enough clouds for the air to be light and airy but the most gorgeous and bluest of blue skies in between. It was a good day.

You looked at your watch. 10:30 exactly.

“Hey sweetheart.”

There he was. Right on time.

“Hi honey.”

Correction. Of all of them, it was you who looked forward to Friday break time the most.

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