#and yes this shit is DAILY we live in the same house

[jellycreamjammedart]

man i probably could make a stable living wage if i got paid everytime my mom bugs and calls me over to help her with her freaking phone and especially her freaking facebook, like an it guy

[3liza]

I feel very defensive about the "goth is bougie" shit because it is historically incorrect, yes, but also and more personally, because it just erases the generations of goth kids who grew up in trailer parks and project housing or just straight up homeless, helping each other out.

it's specifically such a supportive subculture for poor and neglected kids and I really fucking hate that this has been revised and erased. juggalos and goths are very culturally close and many subcultural people are both, and juggalos have the same (and, I would argue, even better defined) culture of collective support. the Skids in Letterkenny are not made up for the show, that's just a real type of rural subcultural person. this has also been forgotten in the interim but in the 90s and 00s we didn't even really refer to OURSELVES as "goths" very much except in a joking way. goths had regional endonyms (like "skids" or "trenchies") even if they could all go to a convention or a club in a city and in that context be all called "goths" together, once they went back home they would go back to being whatever the locals called them or whatever they called themselves. this is a whole linguistics and sociology subtopic that's out of scope for a Tumblr post but is sort of related.

my point is that people who wore actual rags, and sharpie instead of nail polish, and wet n wild eyeliner instead of black lipstick, and dyed their hair with markers or food coloring or kool-aid, were and are the core of the goth scene. the majority of the pictures the mallgoth blogs are posting are from catalogs, fashion shows, costume events, yearly balls and fetes like Wave Gothik Treffen, and other places where people save up literally all year, or many years in a row, to put together ONE outfit. and there's nothing wrong with that, personally I'm proud and pleased that our hard work is being recognized and preserved. but just like formal studio photographs from the Victorian era, it is not representative of the daily or even weekly (for clubs) reality of people in the scene, some of whom were completely out of goth clothing during the day or week just to fit in at work or sometimes just to get along without being bothered at home by family members who thought the Cure was Satanic.

the people who RUN the scenes, the promoters and DJs and gogo dancers and independent designers and people who run the mailing lists and websites, the people who organize the room parties at conventions, and yes even most of the original Burning Man camps like Thunderdome, they mostly live in poverty. especially if they're young. when people organize club nights and shows, they're lucky if they break even. I wasn't aware of any of this until I started working at DNA Lounge in San Francisco, which hosts one of the oldest goth nights in the country, Death Guild. I got to know the owner of DNA well enough to find out about the financial reality of the entire scene, even the people who own the means of production and the actual property in this case, and it's not lucrative. I mean, it sometimes is, if you're running a bar for normal people and have investment captain etc, but the majority of legit subculture economics is just barely breaking even. every single event is 90% volunteer labor.

the issue of labor is maybe the confusing thing for the zoomers who are confused. goth outfits take actual physical work. maybe the Aspirational Spectacle of Labor that makes up most of TikTok has made it appear unreal to the audience rather than something you can just sit down and do?

it takes forty seconds to make the fishnet tights into a shirt. you don't need instructions, you really can just look at it and figure it out. then you think, hm, if I can make fishnets into a shirt I wonder what other things I can turn into something else. your brain will amaze you. my mom would save her tights from her formal work outfits for me when they got holes or whatever and I would just go crazy with scissors and safety pins. lots of young designers are getting attention for this layered, tights-n-pins look at the moment and it really is a fantastic aesthetic but I wonder if people think there's something special about the people who make these clothes? there isn't. you can just do it at home while you watch trashy youtubes.

one time, around 2008 or so, @gothiccharmschool and I were at the photoshoot for tabletop RPG Unhallowed Metropolis. we were there with a bunch of local goths to all make the pictures for this book together. we had all brought tons of our costumes from home to cobble together outfits for the book illustrations, and there was a moment when I just handed Jilli a pile of black skirts and some pins and said hey Jilli, could you please make me up a bustle skirt for this model real quick while I shoot these other models? and of course she did, and they were beautiful, because she knows exactly what she's doing, and because that's all a bustle is: it's a way of bunching up a skirt with another skirt. you can do it at home. you don't need instructions or to hire a seamstress or watch a video. you can just look at something and say hm does it look like a bustle? let's drape it and play with it and pin whatever works. and then you wear it for the photoshoot, or to the club!!! and then next week you pin it a different way and it's a cape instead and you wear it again!!!!!!!

[alexjcrowley]

I am on episode 2 of season 2 of Kevin Can Fuck Himself and there is something I have to say because it's breaking my heart. And it's about Allison. Look, I know- we all know- she's far from perfect: she is messy, impulsive, she can be manipulative, controlling, she often lies, puts others in danger in order to save herself without thinking twice; you could say she emotionally blackmails Patty into looking into Tammy's notebook, the first thing she does after hitting Neil with a boiler is making sure she can pretend she was making tea with that rather being like "Oh shit I may have killed my friend's brother". I know about all of this, we all know.

But I still can't in my heart root against her or understand people root against her because in this show there's not one fucking person who actually tries to help her escape her abusive marriage. It doesn't matter if they see Allison's and Kevin's marriage from the outside, or if they're present during acts of abuse or if they hear Allison scream in their face she needs to get out, they don't care about her.

Patty is the first important character to know about the abuse first-hand and because Allison explains it to her that she is being abused, that Kevin is trapping her, stripping her of possessions, of ways to leave him, of her life. And Patty does help Allison, a lot, because they're sort of trapped together in the same mess, but there hasn't been a moment yet in which Patty goes "Yeah we are going to help you leave your husband". You would think, in a perfect worldn after Patty actually takes into consideration the abuse she has seen Allison go through she would be like "Okay, my first priority may be sorting my own shit with Oxy, but after that we're getting you out of that house." No. If Allison didn't push to get out, in ways that may be questionable and exploitative of others, for sure, Patty wouldn't be the one to say "let's get you out of there".

Allison speaks to Sam. What does Sam says? That Kevin's an idiot. He doesn't want to get Allison out of town because he recognises that leaving the city, putting physical distance between her and her husband, may be the only way for her to escape abuse. He wants to live some sort of love dream, that seemed to me as much - if not more- about leaving his wife's overbearing family as it was about being with Allison. And when she doesn't want to run away with him, he is not interested in helping with her situation anymore. He refuses to give her a job, which strips her away for the little economic autonomy she could have had, and it's not like he says something like "but I'll look out if there are other places that are hiring...". And yes, I do understand that she often acted unfairly towards him, that she always had the emotional upper hand on their relationship, dictating its terms every time. But that doesn't cancel out the constant and apparently inescapable abuse she is submitted to in her daily life. She still needs help for that.

What about when she confronts Neil? Neil who knows what's going on. Neil who has often taken part in that abuse, who has fawned the flame at every given opportunity and knows what kind of guy Kevin really is? He berates her for always whining. But yeah, what can you expect from the guy who was going to kill her.

And Diane seems to function as this idea of what Allison may become if she doesn't do anything a put her marriage, she is the wife who is more or less totally submitted to her husband and doesn't even rebel anymore, doesn't even think she has a right to rebel. So of course someone who has grown so accostumed to abuse to believe it is the norm is not going to help Allison get out of her abusive relationship.

And really everybody until the point I have watched (ep2 s2)- every random side characters who has witnessed Allison's abusive relationship, has heard about it from her or has had a hint that there was something off about that relationship: the police officer who stopped Allison and Patty, Nick, the PI- didn't give a single fuck about it. None of them thought "maybe I should help her, maybe I should do something." Not even a little thing, not even, fuck, spare her from one of Kevin's insults just once.

When Allison says she tried to kill herself (which is understandable, given her situation, given that death might be the only way out), Patty tells her "You're playing the victim." No shit, she is the victim. Yeah, even if she acts shitty towards people, even if she often acts selfishly (in self-preservation, may I add, since nobody else seems interested in preserving her otherwise), she is still the fucking victim. And nobody wants to recognise it and, even when they do, nobody wants do anything about it.

Everybody would be more than fine if she kept bearing the abuse in silence.

"Well, if she didn't act so shitty all of the time and if she settled for a less questionable solution than killing her husband, maybe people would sympathize more with her and want to help her-" It doesn't fucking matter. It's not a victim's duty to look palatable or innocent enough so that they may deserve help. Her husband's compromised most of jobs, forced her to move in with him, and he's more than ready to call the cops on her when she tugs on her leash just enough for him to get a sense she may be sipping away and there are people debating that if she only were nicer about her life being taken away from her own hands maybe someone would feel like doing something.

It breaks my fucking heart that the abuse she suffers from her husband is the core of the show, going by the title alone, and nobody does a thing to help her. Nobody. Nobody gives a fuck if she lives or die or she isn't seen anymore or if Kevin buries her in the backyard or he keeps her chained at home or nobody hears from her anymore. And I know- as Sam said in one of the first episodes, I believe, and as it was explained in Ted Lasso- that a victim may still be held accountable for the relationships they pulled out from; that it doesn't matter the reason, if you disappear in your friends's life all of a sudden you're going to hurt them, so let's say Allison alienated all of her former friends, because they all thought she was a bitch and it was 100% a conscious choice of her to abandon them.

There are still so many people in the show that overlook what she is going through. It reminds me of that scene from "Why Women Kill", when April goes on her "I Hate People Who Look The Other Way" monologue, about her mother being abused, and everybody in the family knowing it, and nobody doing anything.

I feel that's what everybody does in this show. They look the other way. They don't care. Only if Allison shouts and goes crazy and tries to kill herself or her husband they deign her of a minimum of attention, and even after that Allison being in very real danger is always the least important matter. Everybody in that show has their own interest to look after, but that's not an excuse. There, I said it, that's not an excuse. That's not enough.

Fuck do I know that you can't take care of everything, that you can't solve every world issues, but if in front of you you see someone who needs help, who is begging for help, you can see them and you turn in a blind then what. What are we doing as people. Everybody saw Allison being abused, everybody knows and fucking nobody does anything. Helping eachothers out is all that we were put on earth to do. And none of them, none of them decides to mind his own business because they don't know how to help, they believe they could make things worse- they just don't want to. They don't want to help and they don't care. I don't know who would be sad if Allison died by Kevin's hands, what I do know is that none of them would certainly be sad enough to move a finger for her.

You think Allison is self-serving? Show me a selfless character in this show. The closest we get to this seems to be Patty- who I like, she's probably my favourite character, and she does a lot for Allison, but if Allison didn't one day decided Kevin deserved his life to be taken away more than hers she would not have done a thing.

Allison's not perfect, I very much know. She often acts in bad ways, she takes bad decisions. But I don't think any of the other characters have a right to judge what she does while they were busy looking the other way.

[einsatzzz]

Ein 🥺 is it possible for you to talk about Tsunayoshi x Kurumi ship. I wanna know loreee about them, what is their relationship like? how did it all go down, if it does!!!! 😭 i need the tea

OCtober Day 9: Relationships - TsunaRumi 🐟🎀

Hi Jojo! Thank you for sending this ask and sorry it took a while, I thought of using it for today's prompt "Relationships" 😆💖✨Here's a ship chart of the cutest pairing among the three otps that we have! 🫡

Here's a song that really fits them too (mostly Kurumi POV XD)!

Ship Chart Notes

How It Happens - A bit unsure for Kurumi on this one. Because for her it's crush at first sight but the deeper feelings only set in a bit later.

Handling Conflict - Lowkey the same and are quick to forgive & apologize to each other when they realize their mistake.

First to Confess/Propose - Kurumi's #1 problem is that she has difficulties expressing her feelings, especially more to people outside her Family and especially more if it involves deep feelings. Her dressing up as she pleases and trying to be friendly with people is just her steps to fixing that problem but she still has a long way to go. So in this case, Tsuna will have to be the one who steps up.

Cooking & Penmanship - Kurumi is extremely shit at cooking and her penmanship isn't that readable. Tsuna wins by default.

Housework - Tsuna would never let her do too much housework, unless he wants the house to blow up. He'd rather do it all himself. If she insists, he'd give her the safest ones like folding clothes. Ah yes, Tsuna...Vongola boss? No! Kurumi's housewife.

Most of the Speaking - "Excuse me, miss! Tsuna-kun asked for no pickles for his order! 😄"

They are my beloved Idiots to Lovers ✨💕

Daily Life Stuff

When they first met, she kinda challenged him to a fight with similar rules to Tsuna's fight with Mochida (if you hit me one time then you win!). She beat him up real good initially but Tsuna won the battle in the end (thank you Dying Will bullet). But why did Kurumi even challenge him in the first place? Ask Kana.

Despite the fight, Kurumi thought of Tsuna as someone very cute right from the start, she just held herself back (it was so hard for her to do this). Then, Kurumi thinks Kyoko is super cute too! So she thought Tsuna and Kyoko would make a very cute couple together. Because of this, she offered to help Tsuna in setting them up, except they keep failing since (it turns out) Kurumi's romance knowledge is limited to shoujo manga. Her first love also ended in failure.

They both bonded over the fact that they'll be mafia/yakuza bosses in the future despite wanting to live a normal life. Only thing is that, they're both raised differently. Tsuna was raised as a normal kid, but was recently overwhelmed by the revelation that he's gonna become a mafia boss. On the other hand, Kurumi was raised/trained to become a yakuza boss from childhood, but she still secretly yearned for a normal life.

Other things they bonded over: Bad grades, history of getting bullied/ignored, being idiots in romance, cherishing their friends/family

Romance stuff aside, they're really just good friends that can rely on each other. Though it was the Oniyanagi side's mission to assist in Tsuna's training, Kurumi may or may not have forgotten about that at some point. She just helps him out as much as she can as his friend (even though sometimes she accidentally makes it worse dsjbfvfdsvf a non-issue, considering the problems Tsuna runs into daily with&because of his family/friends).

[bloopitynoot]

Reading SVSSS: Bonus Chapter 26

For those who don't know, I am reading SVSSS for the first time and sharing my thoughts!

If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.

Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag bloopitynoot reads SVSSS. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read.

This chapter took me two days to go through! It's SO LONG (120 pages). I wanted to post yesterday but I got 60 pages in and started fading. Winter is here and the sun keeps disappearing too quickly, your boy is feeling the SAD.

The tea photo is from today and not yesterday- I tried out a new one it's almond amaranth and rooibos.

let's get into this monster of a chapter!

Fuck yeah, we have an airplane POV! Though this chapter is BEEFY. I think I'm going to read half today and half tomorrow before posting it (present me: and I did! ^-^).

I love that we are getting all of these forum comments. This is so fun! One of my favourite brands of fics are fics that include elements of social media/forum/blog style au's and this is a vibe! pp140-147

This guy is not wrong "Even though this famous Lord Cucumber spewed criticism constantly and without end in 'Great Master' Airplane's comment section, his subscription payments and demands for updates never waned. Because of this 'Great Master Airplane had come to suspect that this person was a masochist". p148 I mean yeah lol

OMG what an awful way to die! Alone in your house, let's be real - likely in his underwear- via electrocution induced by his sad instant ramen noodle dinner. p149

and the fact that he transmigrated so young. He was there for a while before the plot plotted with SY. 17 years old! p150. I do wonder if there is a wiggly time thing. Like years in the transmigrated novel equal like hours in the world he came from or something. They died close together I think? anyways- any theories on this are welcome!

Same though- Airplane is so real for this. The way in which I would just want to spill all of the foreknowledge and secrets to people I held in my brain as the creator of this universe p153

The SASS [Tip Complete. We wish you the best of luck]. p155

Are you kidding! This man didn't even write the plot that led for his main spy character to becoming a spy...dang man. the potholes are real bad. p156

Okay but this would seriously be me af. I am such a wimp- and that is totally okay! In the face of most definitely death, I would submit myself to being the Little Bitch Boy and pledge myself, my body, my undying love, to my new demon overlord and master. Good for baby him ahaha. p158

"As Shang Qinghua overflowed with snot and tears, clinging on for dear life, begging to pledge fealty to Mobei-Jun - wholly without warning, the demon collapsed." p160 Again, same. I'm feeling seen with Airplane here XD Screaming, crying, throwing up.

Man. I really see how these two end up together (I'm assuming they do?). He had a solid chance to murder the guy and he just couldn't because the character is just his ideal man. p162

"This character had been created entirely to the author's own tastes" p163 MHMMM. Yeah he was.

ehehehe and here we have the only one bed trope at the inn he got to nurse his ideal man back to health. p165

This guy is so shameless. Straight up just watching Mobei-Jun strip while he sits there and snacks. p169

It is so unhinged that this man just has a string tied to his neck pp170-171

that congee- YARF "clear as water" sounds so unappealing p174

"When in doubt- just cry" - Airplane definitely p176

The security on this mountain is so shit. Demons just popping in all the time under the radar. Mobei-jun literally lived there for three days no one even knew XD p183

awww, Airplane tried to warn Liu Qingge about the upcoming Qi deviation. That was nice of him. p190

Yes! Thank you! The scene I have been waiting for; in which the other characters are all like "wtf is up with shen qingqiu? He really is 100% different overnight, but also, no one say anything to him because we like this him better" p192

Fair though, I too would think that SQQ was possessed p194

The way in which airplane is SHAKEN by the actions of SQQ right now is so funny. Him frozen expression, this is NOT the character I wrote what the fuck is happening. p206

Someone commented on an earlier chapter post I had about the theory that the system is the manifestation of airplane's actual wants for the story and like- I stand with this theory. It really checks out with this POV the man keep's fantasizing of a queer man story and like he sure does get it. p207

LOOOOL oh no. the fact that the man who created these characters - VERY different than this experience. Has to listen to Binghe "If you hold unique feelings for a certain person, how can you make them understand you intentions?" p208.

Not airplane giving LBH love advice just so cucumber bro can literally Get Fucked. pp212-213

AND THEN HIS ADVICE BACKFIRES WITH MOBEI-JUN LOL"So, if you want to be liked by a man, the best method is to act pathetic?" p214. Like he set this up for himself

Wait. Airplane had the option to return home! And he just didnt??? p217

Airplane really is weak for these villainous men. The way in which he describes Linguang-Jun is so simpy. p228

The drama. Airplane doing the MOST to save Mobei-jun. This man could have avoided all of this and just gone home. What a horrible torture! :( p235

Get it airplane! You yell at him ahaha p237-238

I AM SCREAMING. Airplane: I'm your daddy! p239 AND THEN him just leaving in a panic because he really thinks he's going to get murdered after that outburst LOL

I love SQQ sitting in domesticity with his man giving airplane love advice pp244-245

Awww, Mobei-Jun came back for his boyfriend! He's going to make him hand pulled noodles :'3 p255 I honestly think that Mobei-jun actually needed to be bossed around this entire time

BYE. LOL SGH deciding to continue writing in this world by basically writing slash fanfiction about LBH/SQQ + the other peak lords/famous cultivators LOL p256. Good for him ahaha.

We did it!

This chapter was such a ride ahaha. it was fun to see the POV for airplane but also him and the progression of his weird AF relationship with Mobei-jun. I honestly kind of love these two. They were such a mess in the beginning but it ended so soft :'3

[bobbin-buckley]

In The End, You Were My First Love ❤️‍🩹

Chapter 1

He’s Back

Tara Carpenter x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Smoking, mentions of Ghostface/murder, Amber being an ass, mentions of Abuse/Neglect, slight Homophobia

A/n: Not spelled checked 🙃

•———————————•

“He’s Back”

Flipping through the daily news

Even if it was a new era, you could basically get the news on tv more or on phones, but you, yes you, didn’t have a phone only a house phone.

You lived in a trailer in Woodsboro, were the classic murders of the famous Ghostface lived.

Boy were you glad you weren’t involved, but that might just take a turn.

Sitting on your singular chair in your living room, looking at the papers in your hands as it talked about another Ghostface attack has just happened last night.

The person you was attacked happened to be a friend. Not just any friend, your crush.

Tara Carpenter.

God damn she was gorgeous, her dark brunette hair that almost looked black, tan skin that looked so soft, and those eyes…you loved her eyes. You loved pretty much everything about her. You guys were that close, but Tara always seemed to talk to you a lot but it was cut short when her asshole best friend Amber Freeman appears.

She was your enemy, Amber hated you. You weren’t sure why, all you did was call her a skunk behind her back but- she hates you, and calls you names whenever Tara isn’t around. Maybe Amber likes Tara, or she’s jealous of the fact Tara talks to you more.

You had zero clue, Amber was hard to understand

But looking at the news made you try not to bark out a cry, Tara was the first victim. Your Tara

You sure damn felt bad, you wanted to go check on her make sure she was alright. But your gut was telling you not to, worried her friends will shoo you away.

It was Tara, Mindy, Chad, Liv, Wes and Amber. That was the friend group you always noticed sitting on the benches outside of Woodsboro High. You don’t have any friends other than Tara, you never stood out and people always thought you were weird.

Tara saw you as the good kind of weird, but everyone else thought the bad weird.

Was is because you had abusive parents don’t have parents anymore?

The question made your stomach turn

Your parents left you when you were 15, leaving you without much money, no car, and not a good house. You were barely surviving, surprised you could even still be in school. You aren’t sure where your parents went, they never told you where they’d move, they just blocked you out and disappeared.

It didn’t upset you too much, you knew it was going to happen eventually. You came out to them, they called you a disgrace and a burden. All because you couldn’t help who you like.

What a shame, you tell yourself

Keeping things positive wasn’t easy. Every time you’d try the positive, it’ll become negative the next minute. It always does.

The only person who kept you mainly sane was Tara and your neighbor.

The neighbor was Dewey Riley, yep, the Ex-Deputy and Husband.

He was a good man, he was involved in the very beginning of the Ghostface attacks. You never harped on him about it, and he liked that. Anyone who’d recognized him would jump to conclusions about his past, making him sad. Which you were a little upset about, and you felt the same way. Amber would tease you about your parents abandonment.

Ugh…you hated the raven haired

•—————————•

WoodsBoro High

It was lunch break. You were now sitting alone outside on a brick wall. Headphones on as you sketched anything around you in your notebook, even though you were supposed to be doing homework

Feeling as if someone was staring at the back of your head, you turned and made eye contact with Amber

Well shit

Let’s just hope to the gods she doesn’t approach, you were actually having a good day she hadn’t bothered you once!

You swiftly turned your head away, still feeling her drill her eyes in the back of your head.

“Why do you hate Y/n so much Amber?” Liv asked.

“That’s none of your business.” Amber turned her gaze from you to the pink haired.

“We’ll okay jeez..” Chad wrapped an arm around Liv’s waist, making Liv feel better. She smiled at him.

“Yeah, Liv’s right.” Wess spoke, looking up from his lap, “what’s your beef with Y/n? She seems nice.”

Amber scoffed, “that thing? Nice? She always gives me these weird looks and she doesn’t talk to anyone.” “So?” “So! For fucks sake she could be Ghostface! She’s been talking to Tara and look where Tara is now!”

“Amber!” Mindy yelled. “What!?” “You can’t just go off accusing people! And Y/n is not a thing!”

“Well…I mean- Amber has a point,-” Liv hits the back of Chad’s head. “Ow! That was mean!”

“Well how do you know for sure Am? She hasn’t done anything to you has she?”

“That little shit has a freaky obsession with horror movies! And you think she’s not Ghostface?” Amber points at you, “that weirdo more than likely loves Stab!”

“But I’m obsessed with horror films, and love Stab. What if I’m ghostface?” Mindy points out. Amber rolls her eyes

“Whatever guys, it doesn’t matter because we’re all suspects. Including you Amber.” States Wess.

“Psh- well don’t come crying to me when one of you gets murdered by weirdo.”

Everyone groaned

-

You knew they were talking about you. You were well aware of their presence.

Though you weren’t sure if Amber’s friends even liked you. It seemed as if Wess and Liv were defending you, maybe Mindy but did that mean they liked you?

Who knows…all you knew is that there were some likes and dislikes. Chad seemed to be for both, he wasn’t defending you of not being Ghostface, and to your surprise Mindy was. I guess just because your a twin doesn’t mean you think the same.

•—————————-•

It was the afternoon, you rode your bike to Dewey’s for your every night hangout. But this time it was different.

When you arrived you noticed his car wasn’t the only one sitting outside. Someone else was here.

Dewey’s front door swung open revealing two young adults. Quickly you hid behind Dewey’s truck, tossing your bike down.

Both of the man and woman got into a car and drove off, leaving you confused. Getting out from behind Dewey’s truck you see his front door open and he walks out, he stops when he notices you.

“Y/n what are you doing here?” He asks, you just step closer to him. “Dewey, who were they?”

He sighed, rubbing his temples. “Just…stay here kid, I’ve got something to do.” He said sternly.

Dewey walked past you and opened his truck door, you turned around and got into the passenger seat. “Wh-what? No kid, stay here.”

“No, I’m going with you.”

“Y/n-”

“No. I’m going whether you like it or not.”

Dewey just nods, starting the truck and driving off to wherever your adventure may lead…..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/n: this is short chapter but I needed to finish it 😭

Sorry for the long wait but here it is ✨

[itwasntimethatdidit40]

Hey there!

I wanted to post that for a while so, here we are.

Wondering who’s behind this blog?

Here’s something about me under the cut:

• I identify as a woman, my pronouns are she/her

• Born and raised in Italy, I still live there.

• I’m 141 LOL but according to people I still look like I’m in my 30s so let me indulge in that, thank you very much.

• I don't think there's anyone who makes me more feral than Joel Miller. I just can’t help it. My (un)holy Pedro characters triad is Joel, Oberyn and Peña 💕 (immediately followed by Frankie)

• I have a little elephant pendant that I always wear, no one knows what it's about *wink*

• I’m Leo Sun, Libra Rising and Aries Moon. You scared? I promise I don’t bite, unless explicitly requested 😏

• I’m Bi/Pan as fuck, always been obviously but I realized only last year. LOL, better late than never i guess. I only have problems with cisgender straight white males because I mean… they’re the worst, okay, I don’t make the rules.

• Single, unmarried, not interested in having kids even a little bit, I prefer to be the cool auntie.

• I love cooking and I'm quite good at it, I had good genes from my Italian grandmas 😌

• I can’t function without coffee, especially in the morning. I take my coffee bitter with just a little bit of milk.

• I can’t stand lies, the phrase “oh I didn't tell you so as not to make you suffer” (UGH, no you didn’t tell me ‘cause you’re a fucking coward and that’s it, my friend), misogyny, racism, fascism, homophobia, bi-erasure, any other form of verbal or physical violence towards LGBTQIA+ people, injustice in general, if you are any of the above you are not welcome here or in my life.

• I love dogs. I have a poodle named Brienne after the GOT character, she’s 5 years old so that means she got me through pandemic and she’s my love and joy. Isn’t she adorable? Yes, she is.

• I’m unfortunately allergic to cats (yep, like Pedro) and can’t pet them unless I wish for an asthma attack. That sucks, I know.

• I have deep brown curly hair, brown eyes and I’m short (158 cm).

• I have a lot of freckles, you could go on a treasure hunt following them.

• I’ve been to more than 100 concerts in my life including some festivals abroad.

• I currently listen to Hozier and Chappell Roan on a daily basis. I also love Billie Eilish, used to be a big Muse fan (listen, their first albums were great, okay) plus I’m a sucker for ‘90/‘00 music ‘cause that’s the music I grew up with.

• I love beer more than wine.

• I love reading, I used to read all the time, I have less time to do it now and it bothers me so much. I’m still reading fanfiction though. 🤭

• I’m a sucker for True Crime Podcasts, I only listen to Italian ones for now so unless you’re Italian you don’t know my faves and it’s a pity ‘cause they’re really good.

• Cults scare the shit out of me but at the same time they’re one of the things that makes me more curious ‘cause my mind can’t really comprehend what happens in people’s mind when they get sucked into them.

• Some tv series I love in no particular order: The Last of Us, Breaking Bad, Better Call Saul, Lost, The Handmaid’s Tale, Bojack Horseman, GOT (until seasons 7 & 8 happened 💀), Sense 8, Jane the Virgin, Grace and Frankie, Narcos, Only Murders in the building, The Bear, Succession, The Morning Show, Friends, Stranger Things (mostly because Jim Hopper is there, certainly not for those z*onists, you know), Mad Men, Derry Girls, Gilmore Girls (Luke Danes *cough*), Mindhunter, Peaky Blinders (huge Tommy Shelby’s slut, don’t look at me like that, okay), My Brilliant Friend, The Affair, Black Mirror (until last seasons happened but it used to be one of the greatest things ever), The Walking Dead (got bored halfway through season 9, I recently started a rewatch and I hope to get to the very end of it lol), Fleabag, Normal People, When They See Us, Hill House, Bly Manor, Midnight Mass, Chernobyl.

• Films I love in no particular order: Parasite, Aftersun, Past Lives, All of Us Strangers, Brokeback Mountain, Almost Famous, The Goonies, Stand By Me, The Breakfast Club, The Killing of a Sacred Deer, The Lobster, The Neon Demon, Midsommar, One Day, When Harry Met Sally, There’s still tomorrow, Strange Way of Life, Prospect, The Banshess of Inisherin, Coco, The Emperor’s New Groove (so underrated), Mommy, The Virgin Suicides, Girls Interrupted, Saltburn, Promising Young Woman, Little Women (1994), Gone Girl, Shoplifters, Bin-Jip 3 Iron, Love Me If You Dare, The Piano, Fried Green Tomatoes, Notorious, Some like it Hot, Rear Window and you can ask for my Letterboxd account for more.

• Bad weather makes me sad and melancholy.

• I obviously love Italian cuisine with all my heart but I also love to try new dishes especially when I’m abroad. I love chocolate and I have a sweet tooth in general but there’s nothing I crave more than good carbs (I can be happy with a slice of good bread or focaccia). I love spicy food but I can't handle it when it’s very very spicy.

• I love bags, I have so many bags and I still want more lol

• When I was a kid I wanted to be a writer or a journalist. What do I do now? I’m a secretary LOL (I also have a second job not related to writing as well)

• As a friend, I’m loyal to the bone, I could do anything for you if I love you. If you betray me real bad though don’t expect a second chance, I mean I could try but I know i can’t ‘cause you’re changed forever in my eyes.

• I have so many kinks, you can ask if you want to know, okay. Also, so many authors here are responsible for giving me new ones. I love you deeply.

If you want to know more my asks and dm are open!

Here’s a little bit of me, byeeeee.

[bcolfanfic]

Love your young vets au

I’d love your thoughts on how they settle into their daily routine as a new couple once they’re discharged and home; introducing each other to their families as husbands, finding a place together, Bucky wanting to take Buck on a first official date (when they realise they haven’t actually done that yet), figuring out how to live a life together outside of the routine of the army and adjusting to that 💜 basically the sweet coupley stuff they experience alongside managing poor Bucky’s PTSD

ahhh yes yes! first off bc i feel like everyone that writes post war stuff kinda spins the wheel on where they send the boys- my plopping them in sheridan came from that being where real buck cleven was living by the end of his life. in au land i’ve decided that’s where his sister lives too and some other people he knew before he enlisted.

i think they stop and see bucky's family is wisconsin before they go to wyoming. so they dont technically have their marriage on paper yet, but bucky tells his family they're planning on doing it when they're home and introduces gale as his husband anyways. still formulating all my thoughts on bucky's family- but i think at least his mom just adores gale. she knows bucky can be quite the loose canon and worries about him- so when bucky wrote about him it did her heart good to know he had someone watching out for him. and in person it just multiples because she sees the way gale looks at him, puts his hand on his back, checks in with him etc etc. knows her baby is in good hands <3

gale’s sister wants to beat his ass for the whole ‘we got a marriage license the literal second we got home, we’ll have a wedding eventually buttt’ thing LOL. loves her brother, thinks bucky is perfectly nice (and already knew about him from calls/letters etc) but she’s just a girl. her brother getting married without telling her even if just on paper is a mortal sin /j. his mama feels the same way a little- though with less baby sister theatrics. bucky is a sweet boy. they can’t stay mad that long. in my mind he's no contact with his dad...though it would be interesting to think about him finding out via word of mouth and there being some drama there.

in my head they maybe stay with his sister while they’re looking for a house? this is before bucky’s ptsd gets really bad so there’s no Incidents or anything and she’s happy to have them there. thinks bucky is cute- who wouldn’t!

this is the house they end up in my mind- at least the first one pre: josie. though i think they maybe do some renos and rip out the shower to put a tub in. it’s small- but it’s just very Them. cozy and homey.

they're such sweetie pie doofs on their first real date. bucky realllllyyy leans into the 'first date' thing because he likes that it makes gale get all red. makes him wait inside while he gets his car and drives in a circle around the block to come 'pick him up'...who is bucky really if he is not his theatrics y'know? but they're so sweet getting all dressed up and having a nice dinner together. (bucky ribs him later- later- about how he didn't seem like the type to put out on the first date)

before bucky's shit really hits the fan he truly is just so happy to be home with his gale. gale falls asleep first most nights and he loves just watching him sleep, stroking his face, lightly scratching his hair. and same vs verse with gale normally being the first one awake. watching bucky sleeping in the morning light of their bedroom makes his heart so content. that's his darling boy (,:

[nyxtheshipper]

I just came out of a five year relationship. Yes, five years. Five and a half almost six. The first five years we worked fine, then great, sometimes okay, but always good. We met in a private high school that was very prestigious. He didn't have a scholarship, I did, so imagine the disparity between his life and mine.

In the beginning it wasn't so obvious, he lived with his mom in a decent house, not too ostentatious, so our daily lives were kind of the same. He did his chores, helped his mom cook, cleaned the house or sometimes had someone to help them clean - something surprisingly common here in Mexico. My family also sometimes had someone to help us clean, but most of the time we cleaned our house ourselves. The point is, even if he clearly had money, he didn't flaunt it.

But you know what happened? Slowly, during college, during the pandemic, and when we moved cities to go to college after the pandemic, it started to show. The funny thing about school is that it's still a controlled environment, doesn't matter whether you're in college or already working while in college. We had it relatively easy. We knew our lives were here, right now, gearing towards graduation - towards the void that was being filled up by maybe an assured position thanks to the fact that the colleges were also private.

You can plan an entire life in school, dream about it, even play house. But the reality is harsh, and once you lose the structure, it's not playing anymore. The bubble pops.

That's when things get real. For a long time, my ex and I lived in that bubble. I was working and studying, trying to pay my bills while also keeping afloat my grades and a relationship. I kind of managed, but believed that it was gonna pay off once we finished and my ex and I were finally going to live together and actually start our own lives. That's how you manage to stay sane with a lot of pressure on top of you.

It also helps to see that your ex is more down to Earth than you expect, having been born and raised in a life of privilege. He's also living alone, paying bills, but his family is the one that gives him the money, and it shows. It shows in your meals, in the dates he takes you to that you can't afford. And, honestly, you start sympathizing with those Hallmark/Kdrama girls that get everything from their rich love interest. It sucks.

And before you come for me about privilege, etc. I. Know. But also, what they don't show you and what I had to learn the hard way is the rules. Once that bubble pops, and you're presented with your partner's reality, you see the incredible amount of strings that that money has attached. And it fucking sucks! For a long time, being in college, away from our families, we were able to be ourselves, and in a traditional household, that is gold!

Mexican families are still so misogynistic with many many things. And I had the privilege to have a mom that doesn't take shit from the patriarchy, especially when my dad tries to enforce it, but my ex? The moment he stepped out of that bubble, he had to go back to the traditions. It didn't matter whether I had shown him that women are equals, that he didn't have to be the sole provider, or that I was teaching him that he's allowed to cry, to feel, to get angry, to just be!

The moment he stepped out of his bubble, he fell apart. Since I had moved to the same city as him during college, he was never truly alone. But now, having left the country for a semester, on the brink of graduating, he was truly for the first time ever alone. And he couldn't cope. He asked a lot from me, making me his whole world and expecting me to be there 24/7, and I didn't react kindly to that. We discussed - not fought, discussed - and we tried to reach agreements. For me, he was being too clingy, and I had my own problems and my own life to look after. I also saw the opportunity he was in as something amazing and to be taken advantage of, and that he needed to make friends desperately.

For him, it was the worst time of his life.

Did I know he was having SUCH a bad time? No. Why? Because, as is tradition in his particular socioeconomic circle, men are not allowed to show emotion. He could only be calm. Even when he told me he was tired, it was the same as a robot telling you they're tired.

He could not show anger, he could not show he was sad, hell, whenever we "fought" it was more like a business meeting of what steps we were going to take to not let the discussion happen again. Everything I had tried to show him, that he could express his feelings, of me asking him to show me he was angry instead of just telling me, all gone.

And today, we broke up. He broke up with me, more like, and he did it amicably. Without showing emotion, just telling me what he feels. As usual.

And that's not okay. Can you imagine someone breaking up with you as if you were business partners only? When I asked him one last time to be angry, to show emotion, he said it wasn't appropriate nor polite. And as much as it pisses me off, I can't blame him entirely.

He's 2 meters tall in a country where you are considered tall at 1.80. Of course many people have told him he's scary, especially when he gets mad, even his ex told him that.

There are many things wrong with today's culture here in Mexico, don't even get me started on the way his family started trying to put me into the stereotypical housewife box. But today, I saw something that hurt me more: a man who couldn't express his feelings, not even while breaking up a five year relationship, simply because it was deemed impolite and even scary if he expressed himself.

[doulayogimama]

We thought that our last flight (until we fly back to USA) was Brussels to Porto but we realized that taking a train / renting a car to get from Portugal into Southern Spain is a lot more time intensive/expensive than flying.

So! We are flying from Lisbon to Malaga on Monday 🙏🏽 We have booked 2 weeks there, which will be our longest stay in 1 place since we arrived in Europe on 12/12!

This apartment is in the best location🙌🏽 Kevin has a coworking space down the block and for Sky there is the best playground in the city just a couple blocks away. She desperately needs some routine and to see kids every day so I’m ecstatic to be in sunny Malaga where she can go to the playground / beach almost daily and it won’t be empty 😭

This is the one thing my mama heart feels shit about. This trip is for me and Kevin. Do I think instilling resiliency in kids from a young age is good for them? Yes, I honestly do. I also think exposing her to wildly different cultures from a young age is super important. BUT it’s hard to be parenting so differently from what I experienced, I do have some guilt.

My parents gave me routine, a big house, tutors, toys, nanny’s to get me whatever I wanted. But you know what I really wanted? To not be waiting up for both my parents to get home from work. To not spend every night as a young child with my nanny instead of my mom. And when I was older, I wished for parents that didn’t hand me everything on a silver platter. Because when you become an adult and realize no one else will do that for you, it’s a rude fucking awakening. When my mom was little, she was taken to every meeting / showing that her mom had after school because my Mimi was a single mother with very limited resources. As a kid, my mom dreamed of a comfortable house with a nanny to care for her while her mother went to work. So that’s what she gave us. I can’t resent her for that, that’s not what this is about. It’s about the fact that every matriarch before me thought she HAD TO sacrifice her happiness for her children’s. And that shit ends here, with me.

I wouldn’t change this trip, I don’t believe in being a martyr simply because I’m a mother. I’m sick and tired of perpetuating that story. So maybe this trip is selfish (a word that was used to describe me most of my childhood, but that I’ve taken back in adulthood to mean something else). Maybe she would be happier if we were in NY or Miami. But we are being loving parents who take care of our child WHILE working and adventuring. We are trying to stoke the fires of our souls while we raise our daughter, not putting off our dreams for some self promise of “when she’s out of our house we can live how we want to…”

Maybe she will resent this lifestyle (or more likely, she won’t remember it because she’s not even 3 yet 😅) but Kevin and I needed this. Our 1.5 years in FL was truly hell. The people… my G-d I swear I can’t even say their names without my stomach twisting.

I know that once we’re back in America, we will more than likely not leave the continent again until our second child is about the same age as Sky. I *think* I will be trying to get pregnant by the end of the year. So this trip is very much a gift to ourselves, the adults who have struggled some days to simply put one foot in front of the other. We just needed to remember that there is a big amazing world out there and we are allowed to be a part of it.

[lcstinfantasy]

Who would you consider the closest friends you've met through RPC?

random anon

jokes aside, i do really consider everyone i write with or speak to ooc as a friend. but yes, i am closer to some more than others but that does not diminish the relationship i have with any of you! these people i just tend to talk to on a daily basis and the conversations go deeper that writing or surface level information.

@frxgmcnts, this one is a given. i have been writing and friends with nini for 5 years now. i could not imagine my life without her in it. she listens to me rant and rave all the time about life, plots, issues. just everything. we talk about everything. we vibe and click and i just that's the loml right there. she's stuck with me for eternity and a billion of them after.

@nanlanmo, hil knows how much i love her and how grateful i am for our friendship. we are even planning some trips coming up together and i'm super excited. we joke that we're the same person just different fonts. time lines, issues, life -- it all adds up. my life would be very dull without my theater geek

@gcldenmemories, did y'all not see that coming? sunshine is my love. i find it very hard to instantly click and not feel awkward but man, sunshine came busting into my life like the koolaid man through a wall and it's been amazing ever since. from our ships, to the tiktoks we send. *chefs kiss* we're gonna get married (at this point i've got like 3 wives lol) and live in the mountains and read books when it rains.

@ner0tic, new to list but not any less important, is my witchy sister. you want to talk about an instant click? possession and i can go on RANTS about spiritual shit. i'm pretty sure we had like a 2 hour phone conversation the other night on just some spiritual and universal shit.

@talesfromthevoiid, grandpa may be a pain in the ass but we love him in this house. there have been plenty of times that i've been down in the dumps and jay knows how to just make me laugh or take my mind off it. from tiktok spams (on and off tiktok cause man will spam me on all ways if i don't answer) to advice, i am lucky to call him a friend.

honorable mentions; @fatalframez, @havvkinsqueen, @vionlet, @dozenzofrozez, @atrickrtreat, @anthrcpophagi, @redemptivexheroics

let me reiterate this though, i love every single one of you. i care about every single one of you. i am just TRASH at communication. you can ask any of the people listed and they'd probably tell you i am so bad at it. but i do not half ass friendships, that's just not who i am. so if i tell you i care about you, that we're friends, or that i want to met you, i mean it! you are all special in your own way ❤️ please never doubt your place in the world/rpc, my love for you or just yourself. you matter, you're loved, you're meant to be here.

[skzhocomments]

I can read your smile - Choi Minho SHINee Fanfic - Chapter 1 - Looking for a place

Story masterlist - please consult it for the summary of the story, trigger warnings etc.

Wattpad | AO3

Chapter 2

---

Chapter 1 - Looking for a place

chapter word count: 3.1k words

~Third person POV~

"So you left just like that?" Jinki laughed.

"Yes! One more minute with Minho and I would've fucking killed him!"

"Wh-"

"And before you ask-" Kibum turned to Minho. "It's your mere presence that annoys the shit out of me. Just seeing you walk across the living room- ugh!" Key cut him off and grimaced. "Ugh." He repeated, as if suddenly remembering a horrible thing, and shuddered.

"Come on, just tell them the truth!!! You bought an apartment!" Minho whined.

"While that's also true, I also can't stand living with you anymore."

"Fine! Move out then!" Minho scoffed, annoyed.

"Are these the early stages of a divorce?" Taemin asked with a slight chuckle.

"What divorce?"

"We aren't married."

Key and Minho both replied at the same time, making Jinki and Taemin laugh. The boys were seated at their usual table in the cafeteria, eating lunch. Their university had a fixed 9-15:30 program with a 1-hour lunch break from 13:00 to 14:00, followed by a last class.

It became a habit of theirs to meet up daily, even if all of them studied different majors, or were in different years. Jinki was the oldest, and he was in his final year, the fifth, studying mechanical engineering, a difficult field he was passionate about. Key and Minho were both in the 4th year, with Key studying a combo of business and design, and Minho being a business major. He was getting the best education he could to assist in his family's business once he finished his degree. Taemin was also a business major, but he was in 2nd year.

"So anyway- what I'm saying is, now I have to find a new roommate because Key abandoned me." Minho shook his head and scowled.

"Why?" Key laughed. "It's not like you need the rent money."

"Right. Why do you want to live with someone else so badly?" Jinki inquired as well.

"I just... like it when the house is not empty, I guess." He shrugged and took a bite of his food.

"Then get a girlfriend and move in with her." Key rolled his eyes and stated this, as if it were an obvious solution.

"He's married to football." Jinki stated.

"And the gym." Taemin added.

"And he's insufferable." Key finished the point while sipping his strawberry juice with a straw.

---

"Morning!" Crystal sat down in her chair, throwing her backpack on her school desk. Thankfully classes started at 9, but she still found it a bit too early. She wished she could sleep in more.

Unfortunately, this was not a possibility, so she relied on the cup of coffee she managed to half-dunk before running out of the house to get to her class in time.

"Morning!" Everyone replied to the girl in unison.

"How's your quest going?" One of the girls behind her, Lydia, asked.

Lydia was a tall and slim girl with brown, silky hair, and a matching pair of hazelnut brown eyes. Her lips were always painted in a subtle glittery shine, and her eyes were contrasted by a smokey eyeshadow look. She seemed unfriendly at first, even quite mean at times, but once you got to know her, you'd realise she was a very sweet girl who just had to toughen up to face the world.

"Quest? What quest?" Taemin raised an eyebrow with a chuckle, confused. He's been Crystal's desk mate for a while now, wasn't he supposed to know things too?

"Oh, Crystal's been looking for a new apartment." Lydia reapplied her gloss and spoke nonchalantly.

"Yea, I'm getting kicked out in 2 weeks." Crystal frowned.

"No way! Why?" Lydia's deskmate, Jude, asked, as confused as Taemin.

This was their usual group – Crystal, Taemin, Jude and Lydia. All of them ended up in a group project in the first year since they were desk mates, and figured out they get along quite well, so they kept to their small entourage and became close, one could say even friends.

"The owner decided to sell." Crystal sighed deeply. She was in deep shit, and she kinda resented Lydia for reminding her of this.

"What? Why haven't you told me?" Taemin asked, hurt, almost with a whine. He was easily affected by people not confiding in him, especially if he's confided in them before, and he did; out of their small group of friends, he was the closest to Crystal, and they spent many late nights on the phone discussing his problems.

Never hers – he noticed bluntly once again.

She never talked about herself.

"I just found out, Taeminnie. Lydia was just with me when he called yesterday." Crystal clarified, patting the boy's back. She knew how high her walls could get, and she could tell that Taemin wanted to ask more, but instead, they just shared a short glance and her smile reassured him that she's okay.

"That's so shitty of him. In the middle of the semester, too. How are you supposed to find a new place?!" Jude complained loudly, chewing on some piece of gum – peppermint flavoured.

Jude was the princess type. She grew up surrounded by all sorts of riches, since she was the only child of a big conglomerate owner. He spoiled her rotten, but she figured out early on in life that she doesn't want to rely on daddy's money forever. She wanted to do something more, using her own powers. She wanted to start her own fashion brand and make it successful without banking on her father's name.

"No idea." Crystal sighed. She hasn't even started looking yet, but the situation was dire. Money was scarce, rooms or apartments in the winter months were scarcer.

"2 weeks notice should be illegal." Jude scoffed.

"Tell me about it!"

"I actually have a friend who's been looking for a roommate. Maybe... it could work out and you could move in with him?" Taemin started, before Lydia intervened.

"A him? Taemin, dear, don't set Crystal up for being abused." Lydia intervened.

"Abused?! He would never-"

"Let's not get haste." Crystal spoke. "It doesn't matter if it's a she or a he. No one's gonna abuse anyone."

"You have too much faith in people." Lydia retorted, and Crystal knew it was coming from a place of hurt. Lydia's been wounded before. She knew, without having to ask her about it. She pieced it together during their talks in-between study sessions, and she knew at least a bit of the extent to which Lydia has trusted someone else, who ended up hurting her really badly.

It was hard for her to trust others.

"This is a crisis!" Jude spoke, loudly again. She somehow seemed the most disturbed by this, even if it had practically nothing to do with her.

"Anyways," Crystal interrupted them all, "how much is he charging?"

---

"Hmm, a friend of yours, you say? Do I know him?" Minho smiled, tying his shoes. Taemin went to see him before his football practice specifically so they could talk about this pressing matter.

Crystal needed help, and he wanted to help somehow. It was the first time he felt he could be of use to her, so he made it his #1 mission to make this work somehow.

"She's a girl. And no, I don't think so. She's my desk mate, but she's not really... the type of person you'd associate with, I guess."

"What do you mean by that?" Minho raised an eyebrow.

"I mean... she's not really... her family's not rich or anything." He tried explaining, but stumbled on his words. He knew Crystal worked at a restaurant somewhere, but he realised he knew next to nothing about her private life otherwise. Did her family live here, and if they did, why didn't she live with them?

He felt like a bad friend.

"You think I only associate with rich people?" Minho chuckled. This type of things never mattered to him. It was true, he was more fortunate than most, being born with a diamond spoon in his mouth, but he never let money be a deciding factor in what type of people he kept around him.

"It's not that... but she works a lot and doesn't really hang out or anything. I'm just saying it would be surprising if you knew her." Taemin tried explaining, and he was glad that Minho didn't seem to want to ask anything more.

"Hmm. I see." Minho hummed.

A girl was not exactly his idea of a new roommate, but if what Taemin said was true, she was the type of person who would move in with him because she needed the place, not because it was him. That was comforting in a way. It would also fill the void of Key's absence, because what Minho hated more than anything was an empty apartment.

"So? How much do you charge?" Taemin asked after a few seconds.

"Well, the apartment complex is, as you know, right next to the campus. A room in my complex usually starts at 750$, but... let's say, maybe, 500$?"

---

"500?!" Crystal exclaimed.

"Well, it's right next to campus..."

"Wow. I mean, yea, it's a good deal, but... sorry Taeminnie, you wasted your time." Crystal frowned. "I barely earn 500$ with tips, so..."

"Oh." Taemin stood silent for a moment. He had no idea how much she made. As Minho said, the price for a room here could start at 750$ and no one would bat an eye, but it was apparently a life-changing sum for Crystal, that she couldn't afford.

"I'm sorry." Crystal patted his shoulder. "And thank you for asking, really."

"Don't. I haven't done anything..." Taemin's expression saddened. He wasn't able to help her with anything, after all.

"Of course you did! You asked your friend, and he was offering a really good price for the area, it's just that it's out of my budget. But you helped a lot!" The girl praised Taemin, trying to be her cheerful self.

What did she expect? Obviously Taemin wouldn't have a friend with an apartment that she could afford.

Still, that was not his fault, and she didn't want him to feel bad for things out of his control. He did his best.

---

~4 days later~

"I really like today's pork chop." Minho said while munching on his food, grabbing a spoonful of rice as well.

"Yea, and the soup is great." Jinki added while he ate happily, like a little kid.

"By the way, what happened with your girl friend who was looking for an apartment?" Minho raised his head to look at Taemin. Ever since that talk a few days ago, he hasn't heard anything anymore.

"Wait, does Taemin have a girlfriend? Which one?" Key asked shocked and started looking around the cafeteria.

"No, dummy." Minho laughed. "Girl friend as in a friend who is a girl."

"Great phrasing, dumbass." Key rolled his eyes.

"Oh, she said it's a great offer and thanked you, but she refused." Taemin took a bite of his food. He got sad once again for not being able to help more, and he absent mindedly glanced over Crystal's table. She was, as usual, seated with Jude and Lydia, and her back was turned to him.

"Rejected even outside a relationship." Jinki spoke, earning a side glare from Minho.

"But why?" Minho couldn't help but ask. Taemin seemed really eager to find out if he would want her as a roommate.

"Too expensive." Taemin clarified.

To that, Minho didn't know what to say. 500$ meant nothing to him, and to most people in this cafeteria.

"Who was it, though? The one who rejected Minho." Key grinned.

"The girl in the floral sundress at that table. Her name's Crystal." Taemin spoke and pointed out to the girl with the back turned on them, sitting a few tables over.

---

"An apple again?" Jude frowned.

"You know the saying... an apple a day keeps the doctor away!" Crystal smiled.

"You can't keep eating just an apple for lunch every day. How do you have energy?" Jude asked in a worried tone.

"Hard will." Crystal shrugged. "Don't worry, if my body needed anything else, I would've eaten it."

A lie.

She did feel hungry most times, but that was okay. Hunger pangs came in overwhelming waves only late at night, if the restaurant was especially busy and she wouldn't have time to munch on anything.

"She's right, you know?" Lydia spoke while eating the cafeteria's lunch. She changed subjects quickly enough, with a follow-up question. "Are you browsing apartments again?"

"Mhm." Crystal frowned. "I have to move out in exactly 10 days and still have no idea where I'll go."

"You really didn't find anything?" Jude bent over the table trying to glance into Crystal's phone. "Your screen's broken."

"Nah. Everything in my price range is crap." Crystal chuckled and ignored the comment about her phone. She didn't have money to replace it right now, anyway.

"How can you even laugh in that situation? I would stress myself out to no end!" Jude exclaimed.

"You're so dramatic." Lydia rolled her eyes at her desk mate.

"Well, I am stressed out, but besides looking at advertisements, what can I do? Adding more stress is pointless."

"See? She has it all figured out." Lydia added and smiled at Crystal, feeling proud that she was keeping herself together so well.

"I wish I had your resolve." Jude said. "If you don't find anything in 10 days, you can always move in with me until you find something."

"I would never." Crystal chuckled. "I don't want to disturb you."

"You wouldn't!" Jude jumped in immediately, and then her attention shifted somewhere behind Crystal, and she started waving. Crystal, curious as she is, turned her head around and saw Taemin waving at them enthusiastically.

Then, he gestured towards her and asked her to come over.

Weird. She thought. He was with his other group of friends, and he's never asked any of them to join him before. But still, she got up and took her half-eaten apple – the only lunch of the day – and headed towards Taemin. She didn't recognise any of the men at the table, but then again, she didn't really know anyone outside the people from her class, so that wasn't so surprising.

"Crystal! You're shining today as usual!" Taemin complimented the girl and ushered her to sit down next to him, taking her into a side hug as soon as she sat down.

"Oh, shut up!" She chuckled and hugged him back. He would always make small jokes at her name, telling her she shines like a Crystal, and she would always find them funny and laugh, because Taemin was the only one who didn't make fun of her maliciously. He genuinely found the name funny.

Kids when she was younger would poke fun at the fact that she was poor and had such an unfitting name-

"Everyone, this is my friend and desk mate, Crystal. Crystal, this next to me is Kibum, and in front of us are Jinki and Minho." Taemin interrupted her train of thoughts, and she focused on the names of his friends, trying to remember them as much as she could.

"Pleasure to meet you." She showed her sweet smile, and the boys returned her pleasantries.

"So, how's your apartment hunt going?" Taemin asked.

"Oh, is that why you wanted me to come here?" Crystal chuckled nervously.

"Yea."

"We could've talked in class." She smiled, and Taemin felt as if she was scolding him. Still, she replied. "It's not really going anywhere. I saw a few rooms yesterday but no luck so far."

"Were they ugly?"

"Very! Some of them were full of mold, or had an active cockroach infestation-"

"Ew!" Taemin grimaced at the thought of cockroaches. He hated all insects with a passion.

"Right?! I saw at least 5 and I took two steps inside. I'm scared to death of them!"

"Me too! They are horrible, and their little legs-"

"What's your budget?" Minho asked all of a sudden, interrupting Taemin and taking Crystal by surprise. She almost forgot other people were at the table, with how one-sided the conversation's been. Taemin excluded all of them from the start, when he asked her something personal his friends had no interest in knowing.

"Uhm..." Crystal tucked her hair behind her right ear, a bad habit she wanted to get rid of that showed she was uncomfortable.

"Taemin said 500$ is over the budget." Minho pressed.

"Oh." Crystal laughed, feeling a bit embarrassed. "You must be the friend with the apartment, then."

"Yea, he's the guy I told you about." Taemin confirmed.

"How much have you been paying until now?"

"Well, I was paying 200$, but with how much the market exploded, I could go to maybe 250$ with utilities. Would still be a bit over, but manageable if I cut a few more costs." She absent-mindedly looked at the apple. Obviously, an apple wouldn't be making a dent through her savings, but she thought in horror how many dinners she'd start skipping once she paid 50$ more monthly, especially on nights when she didn't work.

If she worked, the restaurant would usually cover one meal at least.

"Okay." Minho nodded and crossed his arms. "Are you a tidy person?"

"Huh?" She raised her eyebrows. This question took her by surprise.

"She's the tidiest person!" Taemin exclaimed. "Always spotless! You should see her notes, and how she arranges her pens on the table!"

"That sounds like OCD-" Key started before Taemin elbowed his side.

"Okay, then how about 150$?"

"Sorry?" Crystal tilted her head.

"I'm asking you if 150$ would be a good price for you to move in with me."

"150$? But-"

"Yea, I just want to move in with someone after my dear Kibum left me dry." Minho glanced at Key.

"Still, from 500$ to 150$... you'd certainly find someone else to pay you even more..." Crystal chuckled.

"He doesn't need money." Jinki shrugged.

"So? Is that okay? Should we go see the apartment after class?" Minho insisted.

Crystal found him pushy, but still, she agreed with an uncertain nod, so he took out his phone from the back pocket of his jeans and handed it over to the girl.

"Your number?" He smiled, and she looked at Taemin unsure, who just nodded and smiled back at her.

She grabbed the phone and typed in her number, then gave it back to Minho.

"I'll message you later." He said, then took his empty tray and got up from the table.

---

Chapter 2

[joyfulsoda]

i love nick and wayne as much as the next person, but I cant see how anything could get going? Most people focus on wayne’s ocd or just him in general as the stump in the road, but nick’s trust issues are his most obvious trait in the show. He loves wayne, yes, but those are HARD to get over. He is EXTREMELY closed of, and in a similar (but different) way, wayne is too. How would it happen?

I've put a decent amount of thought into this, actually! I try to remain as close to canon with my fics and drabbles and whatnot, this is just a trait of mine I've carried with me for an incredibly long time.

Personally, I think that under normal circumstances, you are completely correct. Nick has incredibly prominent trust issues, and this is seen in pretty much everything about him- from his distant blocking on stage to his lines and, of course, his demeanor as a whole. However, we also see that for whatever reason, he just isn't like that around Wayne, and vice versa. This might have something to do with their connection before the DNB was formed, it might not. Since we don't know how they met or the circumstances surrounding it (though that possible double entendre from Nick in I Know a Guy is tempting to use as evidence), I'd like to focus on what we do know, because there is substance. I'll be using things from both the professional recording with Joey Pero and the other recording with Alex Bender for this, as I consider both Nicks canon.

Nick commands offers for Wayne to live with him. In the proshot, Nick handles the entire situation with a bit more of a mild-mannered temper. He starts off joking with the "I know how your wife falls to pieces" line, but as soon as Wayne starts to tell him the truth of the situation, the jokiness is gone and replaced with him genuinely listening to Wayne- we can see this when he nods after Wayne says "I guess she fell to pieces because of my schedule". He invites Wayne to continue, and isn't annoyed by Wayne not reciprocating the joking nature he was trying to go for. We see him take a moment to prepare himself to invite Wayne to stay with him, as he clenches his fist and makes a face, suggesting that it is hard for him to take a step like this and open both himself and his house up for another person. However difficult it is, though, he still takes that step. In the other recording with Alex Bender, Nick's character is much more brash. The joking line (same as before) is dripping with sarcasm, which makes the sudden flip to sincerity incredibly clear. When Wayne tells Nick the truth in this version, we see Nick slowly turn from facing away, to facing him. His volume drops significantly with "Shit Lieutenant, I'm sorry to hear that," and the look on his face emanates sincere sympathy for Wayne, despite the footage not being clear like the proshot. He genuinely feels bad for the man, and isn't annoyed or upset with him in any capacity for saying all of this. In fact, when he shouts, "Consider that an order", I don't think any of the anger behind that tone was aimed at Wayne- personally, I've interpreted it as Nick simultaneously being upset with the world while wanting him to have a stable living condition. He's upset, but not with Wayne. One last note on this scene: the flyers Nick takes from him at the end of the scene represent the way their dynamic shifts. In the beginning, Wayne is putting them up by himself. He has a small handful of them, while Nick has none, and we don't see any of the other guys putting them up or carrying them. We already know at this point (from Proud Riff) that he's carrying an immense amount of responsibility on his shoulders at any and all times. While struggling to make his OCD and PTSD work with his daily life/family, he's also doing three gigs other than the DNB. And considering that in 1945, the patriarchal, nuclear family was still a strong presence in most families, Wayne was undoubtedly dealing with stressors coming from his home life, his work life, and his own mind. When he moves out, he also has to worry about getting food every day, paying the hotel each night he stays, and there isn't a single doubt in my mind that he was in hell trying to stay clean while living at the hotel, because those things are so! Germy! When Nick takes those papers, though, we can see Wayne's hands stay where they are (or start to fidget, in the proshot), not knowing what to do with themselves. Nick's just taken a huge burden off of Wayne's shoulders, relieving him of some of the copious amounts of stress in his life at that point. Immediately after, too, Nick steers the situation back towards positivity, ending it with the maid joke (which I personally think he did with excellence). To summarize, they both have issues with trust and they both have their anguishes, but both of them put those aside and step out of their comfort zone. But that covers the One Scene. Oh my god I've been writing for an hour. (Also, side note! I'd like to add that Wayne must trust Nick to some degree emotionally, otherwise he probably wouldn't have gone into as much details about his situation as he did. As a veteran in 1945, opening up about situations like Wayne's would have been incredibly difficult, since men were expected to be tough and invulnerable; considering the amount of care towards historical accuracy that this show has... Well. Him showing that much vulnerability and then taking Nick up on his offer makes it difficult for me to fathom the idea that Wayne does not trust him to some degree.)

After that scene, their bond grows SIGNIFICANTLY faster than I would expect it to if they were wary of each other in the ways that they are wary of other people. Wayne is consistently wound-up and rigid around other people. In the proshot, I will admit that he is the same way when he and Nick have the small argument after Julia gives Welcome Home to Donny. In the other version? Hoh boy. The man picks up his suitcase, turns to Nick, and sits in one hip. You can see the fluidity of his movement as he does it, and I know it isn't much, but this is so incredibly important because he doesn't do this around anyone else. You're also, as a consequence of the fluidity, able to see that he isn't holding much tension in his body at all. For a man like Wayne, that is a feat. Without getting too much into it, I have issues with relaxing my body due to anxiety, even when I'm not feeling anxious- so for him to be able to turn to Nick, look him dead in the eye, and continue to have a spat with him while not tensing up or getting visibly nervous, is significant to me.

When looking at Wayne's character as a whole, we are given a lot to work with when it comes to how he deals with affection- particularly with being touched. He notoriously hates being touched, especially when under stress or otherwise upset. He yells "Don't touch me!" when Jimmy touches him right before Right This Way, and I've noticed several occasions throughout the show where Wayne moves away from Johnny because he was touched (the most prominent to me being during Breathe, where it happens in both versions of the show; it's harder to see in the proshot, but from the lines "I know this is worth all the sweat" to "Order out of chaos", we see Johnny approach Wayne, the shot cut away and make them go out of the frame, and when they're both seen again, Johnny's got his hands up, Wayne's making a motion as if he had just shrugged them away, and Wayne walks away from him. In the non-official recording, Johnny puts his hands on both of Wayne's shoulders and Wayne does a FULL body flinch and immediately walks away. But who does he never do this towards? Who does he not flinch away from a single time (I've tried to find a time he flinches away, trust me)? Nick. Don't get me wrong, I can only count the number of times Nick touches him on one hand, and it's primarily in the unofficial recording, but... Wayne is still Wayne regardless of the performance. First, we have the bit just before the conflict before Right This Way, when the DNB is getting their picture taken. Then we have A Band In New York City. In the beginning of the number of the unofficial recording, while on the train, Nick puts a hand on one of Wayne's shoulders, patting it, and leans in incredibly close to the side of his face. Wayne has this goofy grin on his face the entire time. Granted, Wayne seems much more comfortable with being touched during this number in particular, as pretty much everyone else sets their hands on his back/shoulder at some point, but the fact that he is so close and Wayne doesn't care seems to hint that Wayne is much more comfortable with him than everyone else. When Donny gets that close moments after Nick leaves and kisses Wayne on the head, obviously Wayne flinches, but you can see that just after Donny sets his hands on Wayne's shoulders, he snaps his head over to the side. This makes it seem like he's only really super comfortable with Nick touching him in the first place; if Nick is in front of him, who's behind him with their hands on his shoulders? I also would like to think that Donny knows how close they are and is just flat-out teasing Wayne. Why else would he have kissed him on the head? He knows Wayne doesn't like being touched and has already gotten better about respecting his space (this is shown in Breathe vs Right This Way), so what the hell is up with that? Lol. Also, the unofficial recording is leagues more fruity than the proshot (looks at Jimmy's coming out scene longingly). So take that opinion as you will.

All of this being said, yes. It would be INCREDIBLY hard for either of them to make any sort of move. I believe both of them would be worried about breaking the bond between them, just for different reasons. Nick, to me, would be afraid of losing the one person he has confidence in and knows better than anyone else, and Wayne doesn't want to go through the pain of losing someone he cares about a second time. They'd almost certainly have moments, considering how small apartments in big cities like Cleveland were in the 40s (I'd have to look at my research again, but they are TINY), but there would be brushing against each other, late nights on Fridays and Saturdays staying up and drinking with the radio going, sometimes catching the other glancing over, neither of them would care about being fully dressed with the other in their presence (they were in the military. Not scandalous in the least UNTIL they start to feel things for each other). Just a lot of little things that would make their feelings painfully grand. I think Nick would probably end up biting the bullet and would ask Wayne if they could do something together; it's safe and unassuming, and if Wayne doesn't feel anything romantically towards him, it can easily be spun into a platonic sense. Wayne would immediately catch on. Bastard's sharper than a tack. Their relationship would be slow and cautious, just like each of them is, but it would simultaneously feel natural for them. They wouldn't push the progression of things and would take them as they come, though both of them would be scared of screwing up for the first month/two months. Wayne especially would take his time to get used to being with Nick and would constantly check in and reassure him that if anything he said ever hurt him, he would always be willing to hear what he has to say and change for the better. Nick would think it's sweet but wouldn't do it. He knows Wayne doesn't mean any harm. Nick would be equally as anxious, because he KNOWS how abrasive he can be, but finds that as time goes on, living with Wayne is kind of mellowing him out. He's still firey, but most of his anxieties are assuaged firstly by the band, then quashed by Wayne being there. So bit by bit, things get easier, and he starts to warm up to the band and loosen up. This would make Wayne comfier, which would make him comfier... Just kind of a circle of feeling more comfortable with each other. This isn't to say that they depend on each other to feel relaxed and comfortable, but they do find great comfort in each other for multiple reasons. If that makes sense.

Sorry for such a long post, I've been writing this bit by bit by bit, and I love diving into the show to pick apart characters' actions and what they might mean. I should say that this is all completely up to interpretation! My interpretation of certain aspects of the show might be completely different from what other people might think, so please don't feel like I'm trying to force interpretations or anything on anyone! This is just what I think the show was going for. :)

Thank you for the question! Love answering stuff about the grumpy father figures.

[employee052]

... (teaser)

The Narrator groaned as he dialed up the speed of the standing fan that stood in the living room. Putting a hand in front of it and feeling almost no difference to the speed before.

Sitting back down onto the couch, he sprawled himself over the cushions trying to retain some form of chill from the sweltering heat that swept through the house. His face covered in sweat as he faced the fan.

This heat had been going on all month for them. Thick wildfire smoke in the air, intense heat that ice couldn't satiate, the constant state of sweating from every member in the house. The narrator would have popped back into the parable if it weren't for the fact that simply existing in this heat grew too much to even teleport back into his eternally chilled office.

Oswin walked down the stairs from his room, carrying down three dirty cups of what appeared to be ice cream, the narrator having finished his ages ago while Stanley Lynne and Oswin learned the art of patience and ate theirs slowly like starving men enjoying the little food they had left.

"You good Narry?" Oswin calls out, placing the cups into the sink before taking out two clear glasses and some ice cubes. 

The Narrator groaned in reply, the sound of the fan answering his question for him.

Oswin poured some water into the two cups. Walking over to the narrator and passing him his cold water. He sat up and began to drink it eagerly.

"You know, I've been thinking." Oswin commented, sitting down on the couch adjacent to his.

"Shocker." 

Oswin rolled his eyes, "Anyways. My family is going back to my home country in a few days to visit some family. We're gonna be staying there for nearly a month." 

The Narrator turns to Oswin with a curious gaze. "Oh... really? What country?"

"The Philippines, I was actually born there!" 

"Thing is," Oswin continues. "Since I've known you for almost half a year now, I've been thinking. What do you say to coming with me on this trip?"

"...I beg your pardon?"

"Look, I know how much you liked going to the rockies. Seeing new sights and getting new ideas and all that. But I've been thinking about bringing you along with me and I-... Well I wanted to ask for your opinion because I don't want to impose and didn't want to force you and all that."

"So... What do you say to going on another trip? To somewhere I was born and grew up in, a place that means a lot to me and show you my culture a bit more than GMA Telenovelas." He asks sheepishly, putting his cup down and fidgeting with his hands nervously.

The Narrator paused and thought to himself, thinking about the situation as a whole.

While he would always be worried about Lynne and Stanley -His family alongside Oswin that he grew to care for over the few months he had existed in the real world that he was scared to leave alone for a month-, yet at the same time it was a trip that held more importance to Oswin, one that felt exciting to see a whole new culture of, and a new side of his best friend of half a year.

"*Well I... I wouldn't be opposed.*"  He commented after some thought. "I would just... I don't know how to feel about leaving Stanley and the Adventure Lynne all alone here."

Oswin nodded. "I get that, leaving family is scary as shit."

"But..." He continues, "it could give Stanley and Lynne a chance to bond! Get up to some classic Father-Line antics back at home."

"Plus..." Oswin continued, walking over to place a hand on his shoulder. "We can always call them daily. We can call to check up on them, and bring back souvenirs and stories and stuff."

He sighs, "I don't want to force you, I understand that this is a hard decision to make and I wouldn't be mad if you declined."

"But I promise you, if you say yes, I'll do my best to make the trip interesting, and fun for both of us."

He takes the Narrator's empty glass from him and walks back to the sink to put the cups away. "I'll let you think about it, alright? Take your time." Oswin says softly, walking upstairs to give him space.

The Narrator sighs and looks at the fan in contemplative silence thinking about all the factors in play before he makes up his mind.

The thrill of adventure lived within him, the idea of seeing new sights and learning a culture he wasn't familiar with was interesting. And while his anxieties over Stanley and Lynne remained in his mind, he knew that Stanley was a smart man. He would be fine. At least he hoped he would be fine.

The Narrator stood from his seat and began to walk up the stairs, a smile on his face.

"Oswin! I made a decision... I'm coming with you!"

...

NARRY TAKEOVER 2: VACATION DAYS starting this sunday

[cooganbegs-blog]

It’s just a collection of things that has finally just crippled me.

1. A role I have no guidance on, am trying to create it, excel at it and prove it’s worth to the company, I’m drowning.

2. Managing 5 people, half of which are completely inscrutable and have a cultural inclination to refuse to admit they need help or that they don’t know everything or that they aren’t perfect. How can I provide support and enable them to succeed when they give me nothing to work with. All that’s happening is I’m becoming more and more intolerant and starting to micromanage them- and therefore hate myself

3. I’m the cheerleader of the team, I am “on” ask the questions, be positive, engage, support and it’s sucking my will to live! I dread Tuesday where I have back to back one-on-ones, I wake up literally feeling like I need to shit my pants!!

4. A CEO and CTO who have expectations that I’m not meeting but I’m not sure really how to Dunhill them, they ask questions that I have no answer for and I walk away feeling incompetent and like I’m in imminent danger of losing my job

5. I can’t lose my job, I am about to hock myself to the eyeballs to build and renovate. I am the provider, I make sure everything is paid for, budgeted for and saved for.

6. I don’t have the time to even think about project managing a fucking build let alone a build and a Reno at the same time

7. The Sprout board is also sucking the life out of me. I get I’m the Chair but I do everything and am the cheerleader and the champion and run the strategy and planning days, he board meetings, weekly CEO meetings and am driving the need to double our revenue for no other reason than we need to pay our two part-time employees for their time. We are (and have been for some time) underpaying them and it leaves me feeling ill at the situation. If I do one thing as the Chair it will be rising enough revenue to pay our people what they are fucking worth, before they leave and we have no organisation left. I have such beleif in what they do and am really passionate but it’s sucking me dry and I’m pretty sure I’ll be stepping back at the end of the year.

8. After 10 years, I continue to be completely fucked and unable to function in a family situation. I am the third wheel and am the reason somebody doesn’t want to stay in our house. Apparently they feel uncomfortable and would rather stay with the other parent. Ie. I’m a big fat fucking bitchy, mcbitch face. And what would I know about how a reasonable family should function ie. some boundaries apparently I have no idea and everyone else has perfect families where people are completely non-judgemental and accepting and people come and go and treat each other however they like and it’s all just one big love-fest, perfect family. There is clearly something fundamentally broken and wrong about me.

9. I’m tired of being the adult, I pay the bills, I pay the rates, I make sure we have money for beer and wine and food and the bread is taken out of the freezer for breakfast. I run the budget and the household and make sure dinner is on the table and it’s healthy and edible (yes there is an element of my eating paranoia here!)

10. I’m clearly fucked in personal relationships as I’ve overhead two phone conversations (one with the accountant and one with an employee) where more is disclosed in a phone conversation than I have managed to extract in months. Clearly I’m such a bitchy McBitchface that I’m unapproachable even though I ask and am genuinely interested in what is going on in the lives of the people I give a shit about.

11. My sister is FINALLY getting divorced, it’s been about 6 years in the making. The drama, the drama, the drama …. And I just have to sit here and support and be quiet and be available whenever she wants to talk, and if she doesn’t, well make sure I keep checking in just so she knows I’m still checking in, even when she doesn’t reply for weeks on end. Don’t even think for one second of not doing daily checkins … then I’m the bitchy McBitchface sister who doesn’t give a fuck.

12. I can’t swim, I’m terrified of water and it’s so fucking embarrassing and stupid and fucked and so I need to fix that, even if I can fix this one thing, maybe there’s hope for the rest of the steaming pile of failures that makes me up. So I’m going through some other form of therapy to try and dig into the origins of this particular failure …. Clearly rooted win my fucked up upbringing.

13. Which brings me to the puppy. I wanted a dog because I desperately missed Loki, and because I wanted something in my life that needed me, that was mine, all mine. Yes, it was a substitute for human relationships. In January I was alone and lonely and on the outside. Three has always been the lonliest number, and it continues to be, even after I hung on with the expectation that things would change. What a fucking idiot, I kept pushing the goalposts, when this milestone is reached, it’ll be different, when this milestone is reached, it’ll be different. It’ll never be different. If I ever have this experience again, I will run a mile from a man who has a daughter from a previous relationship, I am forever setup for failure and second best. So, the dog has bonded with the other. I’m the one that of course is responsible because I made the decision (for all the wrong reasons), and am now fucking hating the dog, the inability to just go out and run because I have to train and exercise the dog, be consistent over and over and over again. And even after admitting I needed help and wasn’t coping (do you have any idea just how much that cost me to admit that!!). I’m still the one doing the daily exercising, feeding, training. And all I want to do is scream at him and beat another living creature into submission instead of loving and celebrating his curiosity and joi de vie. And there it is …..the crux of the issue. My base reaction and instincts at the lowest are no better than my old man, I haven’t learned anything, I’m no different or better that him …. he belted the shit out of us to control us, and I want to do the same thing. And all I feel is such self-hatred it makes me feel ill. I have to give this dog up before I actually do become my old man.

I just feel like such a failure, rationally I know this can’t be the case. I can’t see out of the fog and the darkness. I hate who I am.

I want to take the red pill, wake up tomorrow and not remember a thing.

And yes, all first world problems. I earn a stupid wage, I have a comfortable life. I have nothing to complain about … and yet I complain about everything!!

[purplesurveys]

1663

What were an average day’s tasks at your favorite job you’ve had so far? Working with big brands/clients = campaigns around the clock, all year long. That said I’m constantly brainstorming for and conceptualizing PR proposals for consumer campaigns; looking for 50-100 influencers at a time who can best fit my running campaigns; I write a lot and cover stuff from press releases to event scripts to lifestyle articles; working with suppliers for stuff like PR kits, mounting events, brand sponsorships; and I help in handling even financial aspects like ensuring talents are paid after they fulfill their contract. The work is very 360º in nature, is fast-paced and you can usually tell early on if a new hire is gonna last or not depending on how fast they can adjust/keep up.

Does your house have an separate laundry room? Idk if it counts as a room...but we did erect this makeshift ‘room’ at the rooftop for laundry stuff. It’s basically a super tiny customized room we had made to fit the washing machine because those things just take up so much space indoors and usually end up being an eyesore.

Do your parents still help you financially? Technically, yes. I never ask for money anymore (unless I have to borrow) and I always make a transfer every payday, but they do remain in charge of managing the bills and buying groceries. I imagine whatever I contribute becomes absorbed in the bills and whatnot, but for the most part it’s fair to say they still support me.

List 3 things you can see from where you’re sitting? I can see my phone, the TV, and my earphones.

Do you go by any nicknames? I just go by Robyn most of the time, but I have a few relatives who call me Byn.

Are you a very talkative person? Depends on the crowd.

What stereotype about your age group do you definitely live up to? I’m obsessed with social media and it’s a must for me to check each of my feeds on a daily, hell hourly, basis. Except for TikTok I guess as I find that shit annoying and most edits cringey for the most part.

When was the last time it rained where you live? Thursday. Such a refreshing sight, too; it hasn’t rained in months.

Where is your local polling place for elections? My village’s clubhouse.

What was the topic of the last documentary you watched? It was that new MH370 documentary that came out on Netflix a month ago. Around that same period I also started on In the Name of God which is about Korean cults, but found it too upsetting to be able to finish it.

Does your car have a backup camera? I’m not sure what a backup camera is but I do have a dashcam in case some idiots mess with my car and pretend to get run over.

Have either of your parents ever been in trouble with the law? My mom for some minor traffic violations. I don’t think my dad’s ever run into an issue; he’s barely in the country anyway HAHA.

What was the last restaurant you ate at? It’s a local coffee shop called Daily Habit.

Are you in the same mood most days or are your emotions all over the place? The only time I’m all over the place is when I’m nearing my period; otherwise I can manage my emotions quite well.

Have you ever had a pet that lived to be really old for its breed/species? Kimi lived to be 14, which was way longer than I ever expected. I thought that little dude was going to last forever with how he always bounced back from every single health scare. 14 years is above average for a dog, but I’m still very impressed and amazed by him.

Do you have a preferred brand of bottled water? I avoid bottled water whenever I can since all of them have a ~taste.

Have you ever spilled food or drink in your car? Once or twice. My bigger issue is when the dogs throw up in the car hahaha. Much harder to handle and clean up.

Is your skin more oily, dry, or combination? Dryness is a major problem for my skin at the moment.

Have you ever been in a relationship that was progressing faster than you wanted it to? I don’t think so. My previous one had an okay pacing for the most part, but it was the rapid crashing and burning towards the end of it that really threw me off-guard and messed me up mentally.

What kind of flooring is in the room you’re in? Hardwood.

Pop quiz! Who is the prime minister of Germany? Germany doesn’t have a Prime Minister. < Ok there you go then, haha.

What was the last strong scent you smelled? My black forest-flavored coffee. Not the biggest fan of this variant but it’s the only kind left in the pantry (and it’s the only one left since I avoided it this entire time hahaha), and I wanted to drink coffee before sleeping so here we are.

Are you more prone to overthinking things, or being too impulsive? I’m a very toxic combination of both. Overthinking makes me impulsive. When was the last time you wore an article of clothing that wasn’t yours? A month ago when I borrowed my sister’s sweatpants for an event.

Which one of your friends do you see the least often? My college friends BY A MILE.

Do you know anyone with a life-threatening food allergy? A number of them have food allergies but idk they themselves don’t seem to concerned by it?? Like all they need are antihistamines and that’s all I ever hear about it.

When was the last time you were outside? This morning when my family went to Sunday mass.

Who was the last person you sent a birthday card to? How old did they turn? I don’t send birthday cards...not a practice here.

[A/N: another two-in-one just because]

- Past -

Are you happy with your upbringing? No. I know my elders tried their best, but sometimes the best still isn’t good enough. I grew up in a very crowded half of a duplex; my parents were barely home (something for which I hold no grudge – they were just working to make us as comfortable as possible back then); I had relatives who drank and smoke on a sickeningly regular basis – sometimes leading to embarrassing, loud, public, and physical fights that the entire neighborhood would be witness to; and there was rarely a platform to be a kid. We never did anything during summer vacations and I can’t remember most of my childhood birthdays because there had been no plans for them.

I’m not resentful and have moved past that shitfest, but I imagine I’d do everything in my power for my hypothetical kids’ childhood to be entirely different.

Who was your first best friend? Someone in kindergarten named Kaye. Who was your first love? Not naming any people we’re trying to healthily move past :)

Did you ever attend any school dances? Like...prom? Yeah I had to go to my school’s own prom because it was required (ew), then I got invited to be a date at another school’s senior ball.

Did you play any sports growing up? Table tennis. I’m pretty sure I had potential in football/futsal because we had to take up a few sessions in school and was surprisingly an ok goalkeeper lol – even the PE teacher pointed it out – but I never pursued it.

Did you have a special blanket when you were younger? I didn’t.

What movie reminds you of your childhood? Toy Story, Shrek 2, and Finding Nemo.

Were you a picky eater as a child? Very picky. I only liked eating eggs and hotdogs. Took hours to finish anything else.

What’s your favorite memory with a family member? Growing up with my eldest cousin on my mom’s side. He’s always been an older brother rather than a cousin.

Did you ever have to share a bedroom? Yes I shared one room with my parents and siblings until I was 10.

Are there any smells that remind you of the past? There’s a very specific coffee smell that would hurl me right back to my childhood if I ever smelled it again. My maternal grandparents always drank coffee together in the morning, and they always used the same combination of brands (instant coffee, creamer, etc) that would result in the same aromatic smell every day.

Did you play outside or inside as a child? Outside. Indoors was crowded enough with more than 10 people squished in three small rooms, so if we wanted to run around and be kids we had to ask permission to play outdoors.

What was your first favorite song? Continued from last weekend. Idk man, something from Hi-5 maybe? Or High School Musical? Were you ever pranked at a sleepover? Hmm, I don’t think so.

- Present -

What’s your favorite color to wear? I like olive green, burgundy, and mustard yellow.

Who is your favorite musical artist? Currently and has been for a while, BTS.

Do you have any pets? I have two dogs. Kimi also hangs out with them in the living room, just as an urn on the coffee table hehe. :)

If so, how many and what kind? I have a beagle and a Yorkie.

Do you live with your parents or on your own? I live with my parents and siblings.

Are you in school? Nopes.

Do you have a job? I do.

If so, do you like it? I don’t love it, but like I’ve also got no plans to leave it any time soon. I’m still learning and I work really well with everyone; there’s really no reason for me to leave.

How often are you on the internet? Everyday...this survey must be quite old, because I think a good majority of people have at least one reason to go online at least once a day at this point.

On average, how much time a day do you spend on your appearance? 0 minutes, 5 minutes if I have to show up to work or at a work-related event.

Do you have any children? I don’t have any, no.

Are you in a relationship? Nope.

Are you subscribed to any streaming services? Spotify, YouTube, Disney+ yeah.

What time do you usually go to sleep and wake up? These days I’ll sleep anywhere between midnight to 2 AM at the latest; I usually wake up at 7.

- Future -

Do you have any long-term goals? Sure, but they’re all leisure-related – like going to Wrestlemania or traveling to a different continent and experiencing jet lag for the first time hahaha. I’m not a fan of making work/career-oriented goals; it brings in unwanted pressure more than anything.

Do you want children? (Or more if you already have any) I used to want to have kids, but ever since my failed relationship made me stoic I’ve been emotionless about the idea of having a family. I’m just not interested anymore; and kids annoy me these days lol so.

Where would you like to be in your career five years from now? In a higher position, with an even higher salary. Only time will tell if I’ll still be on the agency side or actually make the switch to the brand side by then haha.

Do you think you’ll ever move from the city you’re in? For sure. I have plans for that anyway; I’ve stayed here for more than 20 years and I know that eventually I’ll crave a new environment.

How do you hope your life will look in 10 years? I hope I’ll be more independent by then.

Do you think you’re heading in that direction? Bit by bit, yeah.