#and yes over a year they're a weird god baby

[xenibenbb]

What a great meme to express my au

Anyway, meet Sombra :D

[autumnrory]

damn sometimes i agree to things just to see my nieces/nephew and it's like why did i do that

[evilminji]

You think the Zone has its version of Comic Con?

Like? Think about it. You have literally all of time to work on it, your Magnum Opus, your life's work. That DREAM comic. All the supplies you could ever wish for. Endless paper. Endless ink. You can practice and practice for CENTURIES until it's JUST right.

Wouldn't you want to share it?

There are definitely Ghosts who have Obsessions that make them collect.

And two people meeting would lead to a group. Lead to a bigger group. Lead to a large group. A gathering. A crowd even. Eventually you need a Lair to meet IN. It becomes An Event.

People hear about it.

Want to bring other art mediums. Food stalls. Report on it. It grows. Shoot offs start happening. Niche meet ups.

But like?

Unlike comic con? It's all FREE. Sure, you might have fork over the ecto to make your copy. And yeah, weaker ghosts can only do that so many times. Will have to prioritize. But? They can come back after leaving for a nap. Ask a buddy to come with. There ARE work arounds.

Just? Imagine the unbelievable HIPE? Danny would feel? But be unable to TELL anyone about? Zone Con happens several times a year! Cause so many people wanna come. The Zone being infinite, after all.

Problem 1? They're using THEIR standard of a "year". Which is actual 5 earth years. So it's only happens every year and a half for him. And Problem 2? He can't even TALK about how excited he is about Z Con with anyone (outside his friends and family) because they haven't heard of it and might Ask Questions.

It's ALSO held in a part of the Zone that's like? Three days of flying away from the portal. And no amount of begging is gonna get any of his loved ones to camp in the Speeder for around six-ish days just to go to a Con.

So you can imagine his DELIGHT. His utter JOY and *Target Spotted* "!!!" Noise, when? In the crowd? He spots A HUMAN! Hi fellow human!!! Omg, wanna be Con Besties? *doesn't even wait for an answer*

So now? This sad, blonde, deeply lost and kinda alarmed, trench coat dude? Is Danny's new Z Con Going Bestie! You got a map yet, bestie? No? That's cool, he has one. By the way, he has human food in the Speeder if you nee-

YES!

Cause, see, here's the THING. John? Lost to the Realms Infinte. Or Infinte Realms. Translation was iffy... and on fire... like the rest of the building. It was him or the kids those psychos had kidnapped, for what fucked "ritual" the voices in their heads, that THEY thought were demons but frankly he's pretty sure was just feedback from-

Look, doesn't matter, he had to choose. He always knew someday he'd have too. That even twisting Luck and talking fast wouldn't quite be enough. And he had to decide, in that moment, which outcome mattered more to him. They get out safe, or he does.

Wasn't much of a question, was it?

So, there he is. Staring down oblivion and all those debts unpaid. 'Bout to see who's gonna come for him this time, and take what left of wretched soul. When? He bleeds on the FUCKIN two-bit crap circle they squiggled in God only knows what. Remembers that "oh YEAH, set dressings!" Sometimes when you focus too hard on insuring a Good Outcome?

You weird weird as shit byproducts happening on the side to balance it all out.

Or BAD ones.

He wakes up someone fucking green and crowded. For the life of him can't tell you which one it is. And THAT was of course, bout two days ago.

Biggest and most immediate problem? He... does NOT recognize what flavor of magical fuckery this is. Doesn't seem Fae. And doesn't smell like Hell. There are... there are honest to God BOOTH BABES hanging around. Hunks too. The view is LOVELY.

And nerdy.

Very, very nerdy.

But he isn't THAT out of touch. So he should recognize SOMETHING. Or at least the languages. But nope! It's like aliens and magic had a nerd baby and dipped it in GREEN. And the worst thing? Is there is food everywhere, but it all glows and John's not stupid enough to eat it.

Then? Sweet merciful fuck. Salvation! Some teeny bopper Barely No Longer Teen fresh faced INFANT of a Hero kid. With a SHIP. Who has FOOD and a clear idea of where they are. Hello~ John's new BEST FRIEND. Yes. Absolutely. Con Buddies, whatever.

Just feed me, kid.

Only? Once he inhales like 5 "Fenton rations"? He only gets half way through introducing himself before getting interrupted. Kid hears "magic" and "occult Detective" and just? Goes "oh! So you wanna check out the magic Ally with me? Sam wanted me to pick up some witchy stuff!"

..............how magic?

(In Which? Constantine becomes Danny's interdimensional Con buddy)

@the-witchhunter @hypewinter @hdgnj @mutable-manifestation @lolottes @nerdpoe

[orangeocelotmartyn]

idk but there was something so kind about this moment between Bdubs and xB when Bdubs made xB's dog, Bishop, a doghouse

Bdubs: There-- xB: (gasps) Wait. Bdubs: Yes? xB: (goes over to the doghouse) Bdubs: (cheering) Yeah, baby! Yeah, yeah. Yep. xB: (softly) Yeah. Bdubs: Doghouse for Bishop. xB: Nice. Bdubs: We gotta get a-we gotta get a doghouse down here. xB: That's our baby boy. (giggles) Bdubs: That's-that's the baby boy, right? xB: God, I miss that guy. Bdubs: Is that cool, that we gave him a home down here? xB: (sighs heavily) Yeah. Yeah yeah yeah. Sorry, it's just-- Bdubs: Yeah. I know, I know. xB: (sounding choked up) It gets things going. (clears throat) Bdubs: I know, yeah, yeah. I know, man, I know, (xB clears his throat again, as if to stop tears) I had, I had a dog for, uh, (Bdubs sniffs) sixteen years? There's no-- xB: Yeah. Bdubs: --there's--it's one of those weird things in life, that's very hard to explain. They-they are--(the sound of a bee coming out of the hive) xB: Oop-- Bdubs: --just as impactful as humans to us, aren't they? Our pets. xB: Oh, yeah. I would say moreso, sometimes. Yeah. Cause-- Bdubs: Moreso, cause they don't do you wrong! xB: it's-it's so... They're so unconditional. Bdubs: I know, I know it. Yeah. So-- xB: Like, what else--you go just out to check the mail, and you come back in and it's like they ain't seen you in twenty years (xB giggles) Bdubs: Exactly! Yeah! And it doesn't matter if you're in a bad mood, or, or whatever-- xB: (at the same time as Bdubs) Right-- Bdubs: cause they are always consistent in the same-- xB: Ooh. (said in surprise, after a bee in Minecraft flies out of a hive towards him) Hello. Bdubs: You have bees as well. Umm. You won't for long. (Bdubs laughs) xB: Oh no, they're going to be (through laughter) gone--off gone somewhere, I'm sure Bdubs: Enjoy them now in this moment, I feel like they add life, you know? xB: Mhm. Bdubs: They come in, and they get some stuff from the azaleas, and stuff like that, but. There's a good chance...they will drown, or something, soon. xB: Oh yeah. They'll do something dumb. (xB giggles) Bdubs: Yeah, yeah. xB: It's...what they do. Bdubs: But, for now--for now, they're here. (Bdubs laughs)

[the-real-rain-world-confessions]

is this a safe space

almost all of the "controversy" I've seen in this fandom has been the dumbest shit ever, and people are being HARASSED OUT OF THE FANDOM over it. seriously, I've seen all these "exposing ___ for being a predator" posts and then it's just a 17 year old making sex jokes with a 19 year old or situations where the "older person" genuinely isn't at total fault. not to mention the amount of times people have been accused of being "zoophiles" over drawing normal ass furry porn (especially of anthro slugcats). this is the Internet. porn is and always has been a thing, and it's not evil. it's not "ruining your fandom".

I don't even know where to start with the weird puritanical "all sex is evil and bad" thing going on in this fandom, or the straight up infantilisation of teenagers. Yes, 16 year olds know what porn is. yes, they look for it. no, they will not explode and die if they see it. NOBODY is hornier than the average high schooler, stop treating them like little kids who shouldn't even be allowed to acknowledge the existence of sex until they're 18 it's fucking weird (and for the love of god stop throwing "zoophile" and "groomer" around so loosely. those words have lost almost all of their meaning at this point, a groomer is NOT a legal adult who happened to mention the concept of sex around a 17 year old)

speaking from a place of genuine care and concern, so many people in this fandom need to grow the fuck up. not every friend group drama needs a Google doc and a public call-out post. teenagers/"minors" are not these angelic babies who can do no wrong and are free of consequences and are always the victims. you are old enough to think for yourself and make good decisions, and you are, in fact, capable of being in the wrong -- just as much as the young adults you claim are also old enough to know better. this mob hate mentality is destroying the fandom more than any amount of furry porn or teenagers making sex jokes

I tried very hard to shorten this as much as possible

.

[fanficsdumpomg]

Hi! I really liked your NSFW headcanons for the brozone bros. I was wondering if I could request something for Clay and/or Floyd with a reader who's a lot younger than they thought. Like they're in their 30's at least and reader is 23/24. Reader is very mature and put together, so they thought reader was their age, if not older. Really how they would react, if they would tease about it, anything like that. Can be sfw and/or nsfw both are great. And if you're uncomfortable writing this, maybe just boyfriend headcanons for either of them too would be just fine. Thank you <3

Clay:

*(I headcanon Clay was around 16 when Brozone broke up and present time is 15+ years later so i would imagine he would be 36 during the time of Band Together; i headcanon there's an age difference of 10 years between the two of you)

*Clay and you had been dating for a while after meeting each other at Putt-Putt village. You both had met each other while working for Viva; you as an inventor of defense items and clay working administrative duties.

*Clay is already a strict dom in bed; loves to control your orgasms, tie you up, punish you, etc. Basically he loves having any ounce of sexual control over you.

*So, when Clay overhears some Putt-Putt Trolls talk about how someone so young as you could be so talented, his brain first goes into shock; how could he not know this about his partner? But then his brain goes into overdrive and he starts to feel hot thinking of all the ways he could use this against you in bed; so he plans.

*Clay plans a romantic evening for the two of you that ends in passionate kisses, fangs marking each other’s neck and chests and you tied against the bed you share.

*Clay spends the night teasing you in the most deliciously way possible, edging you with a vibrator until you begged to come, gagging you with a ball gag when you get too loud, and breeding you.

*”Dirty Baby…Look at how wet you get for an old man…..god you’re such a slut”.

_____________________________________________________________

Floyd:

(I head canon clay was 13/14 when Brozone broke up and in Band Together i imagine he would be around 33/34 with a 10 year age gap between you too.)

*Floyd and you had been dating for awhile after the two of you met while you opened for one of his solo shows.

*Floyd is a big, big crybaby switch in bed. Loves to get bitten, teased and manhandled by you; (please throw him around he is begging you). 

*He usually doesn’t like to be degraded or degrade you but that all changes after he hears an advertisement for your band; advertising you as the hottest young talent to come to the stage. He feels a  rush of emotions after learning you're younger than him, first embarrassment because how could he not know  this about his partner, then shame… is he a dirty old pervert?!

*Then the shame in a weird way turns him on and you very quickly pick up on it during heated moments between the two of you. After some planning on your part you plan a special intimate evening for the two of you.

*You tie him up during the session, pull his hair, bite him and tease him; but what really surprises him is when you start with the degradation; your refuse to touch him unless he admits that he is a dirty perverted old man. The humiliation/Shame of your degradation immediately turns him rock-hard.

“Fuuuck…yes…I am a dirty old man… please fuck me..do anything!”.

[thornsnvultures]

anywhere || eddie munson x plus size!reader

cw: angst, talking about drug usage, eddie's in the hospital post-vecna, your mom kinda fuckin sucks, best friend!eddie who likes you more than you realize

a/n: that one line in the muppet babies theme song fucks me up every time. literally every time I hear it I tear up. so thanks for that jim henson.

-----

"When your world looks kinda weird and you wish you weren't there," Eddie's terrible Kermit impression makes you laugh so hard you almost spill the bowl of cereal you're pouring. You hit him back with your equally terrible baby Miss Piggy voice.

"Just close your eyes and make believe that you could be anywhere!"

Eddie snorts at the way your voice cracks trying to hit notes your voice was not made to hit.

"Shut up, that was flawless and you know it," you hand Eddie his bowl with a grin and plop down on the couch next to him. Were you watching cartoons made for children? Yes, but who didn't love Kermit the Frog and his adorable little muppet friends?

You missed this, being here with Eddie. A lot had changed since you started going to college last year while Eddie stayed behind to be a senior for a third time, but not this. Your friendship never changed. It was something you treasured coming home to, when you could. School was starting to pile up and these visits were becoming few and far between, but Eddie would always be your Eddie. You were sure of it.

"So you're leading up Hellfire now, huh?," you asked Eddie as you finished your cereal. He took your bowl and put it on the coffee table with his, not meeting your eyes. Maybe you shouldn't have brought it up. The two of you didn't talk about it much, him still being in school. Like you didn't want to break the spell that everything was normal. The two of you hanging out like normal, like you did since you were kids. It was comfortable, you didn't want to ruin that.

"Yeah the, uh...yeah. It's up to me now I guess. The guys know they can't compete with my campaigns."

He's smiling, all cocky because it's true, they're always amazing. But his smile doesn't quite reach his eyes.

Weren't your just saying nothing had changed? Maybe you a lot had changed and you just weren't paying attention.

"I miss adventuring with you," you sigh, snuggling into Eddie's side until he puts his arm over your shoulder. "And the guys."

"Yeah, they miss you too," Eddie's voice sounds strained. You try to move thinking you're laying on him in a weird way, but he just pulls you closer, tighter.

You spend the rest of the morning watching cartoons. Eventually you forget the weird tension, putting it aside to enjoy your day with your best friend before you have to leave again.

-----

It's a year before you see Eddie again.

School was tough, taking up so much of your free time you barely saw anyone besides the librarian and the two people you shared a dorm room with. You had tried to join a DnD club at school but your schedule didn't line up well with the rest of the group. And it wasn't the same. You missed Eddie's energy, his frantic dramatics. The guys were cool but sticklers for rules and, to put it nicely, boring.

You couldn't take being away from home any longer, you missed your friend.

So when your mom called one Friday afternoon and told you, in her own bizarre and nonchalant way, that Eddie had been in some trouble recently and, "I'm sure you saw the news about the earthquakes," you came straight home.

"You know, I always thought he was a nice boy. Did you know he was selling... grass," your mom whispered the last word like police officers would be knocking down her door if she spoke too loud.

"I didn't." You did. You also partook, but your mother didn't need to know that.

"Anyway, everyone got all upset when that little cheerleader died, but when they found him, like that, I guess they thought he was a victim too. Can't maul yourself like that, that's for sure."

"Oh my god, mom," you stand up, your chair harshly scraping against the linoleum. You can't sit here and listen to this any more.

"Where are you going? I have a pie in the oven."

Your mom follows you to the door, huffing like you're the one being ridiculous. She never liked Eddie much but the ease with which she talks about your childhood best friend being... mauled...

"I'll be back later."

You don't wait for her to respond, slamming the door as you go. You hop in the hand-me-down car your dad gave you before you left for school, peeling down the drive and heading straight for the hospital like you should've done when you got back. Tears cloud the edges of your vision until they spill over, you don't bother wiping them away.

-----

"Hey, you're Eddie's girl."

"Excuse me?"

A short, curly haired boy in a baseball cap appears next to you when you ask the receptionist where Eddie's room is located.

"It's okay, Brenda. She's with me." You snort out a laugh when the boy tips his hat to the woman behind the desk. Her smile and the wave of her hand tells you she is in fact used to this.

"I'm Dustin," the kid explains as you follow him through the maze of hallways and elevators. "Eddie's told me a lot about you. Recognized you from the picture he thinks I don't know about in his glove box. Not my fault he just shoves stuff in there. If he didn't want everything to spill out he should organize. Not that I'm great at organizing either-"

"I'm sorry," you stop Dustin's rambling, your head spinning from all that information, narrowing in on the one that stuck. "He keeps my picture in his van?"

"Yeah a few in his room too. He's just down here. You just missed the guys, Jeff had to go to work and he was their ride so they left. Wayne will be in later. He usually stops by after work."

Dustin kept talking and you tried to keep up but the closer you got to Eddie's room the more your ears rang and your chest felt tight. You knew it was bad, he'd been in for a few days and was still heavily sedated after a number of surgeries. Wayne told you the day before you came back on the phone that he might not be awake when you got here. The old man might've been trying to spare you the trip, but you were coming to see him no matter what. You should've come back a long time ago.

Standing outside his room now, the year you were away felt like an eternity now. How had your Eddie changed? Was he your Eddie anymore? Was he ever yours?

"Hey, you comin' in? He's still sleeping."

Steeling yourself with one deep breath, you enter Eddie's room. With one look at Eddie and you're asking Dustin for a minute alone, pulling up a chair by his side.

"Sorry I'm late, Eddie. Traffic coming out of the city is crazy." You laugh at your stupid joke because you'll cry if you do anything else. You don't think about the air tube in his nose or the beeping heart monitor, the bandages on his arms or how hollow, how fragile he looks.

"My mom said you've been selling 'grass'," you chuckle as you twist one of his curls around your finger. "Should I tell her how many times I snuck out to smoke with you? She's already mad at me for taking time off from school to be here."

Eddie lays there as you talk, sleeping softly as you compliment the cards and flowers on the window sill. You tell him how the past two semesters of school have been, how miserable you've been without him, how guilty you've felt for "missing" his calls, not reading his letters because you've been too exhausted to do anything that wasn't surviving and work.

You're holding his weirdly ring-less fingers, contemplating leaving instead of holding out hope that he'll wake up while you're here, when you hear a familiar theme song on the television.

"When your world looks kind of weird,"

Your gaze falls from the TV to your friend in his hospital bed.

"And you wish you weren't there,"

Your eyes close wishing you were back in Eddie's house, stoned out of your mind doing muppet impressions.

A tear falls down your cheek as you close your eyes and sing along with Miss Piggy, not caring how ridiculous you sound.

"Just close your eyes and make believe and you can be anywhere."

You choke on a sob, suddenly angry at this stupid kids show for making you lose it when you were holding yourself together so well.

"Still sounds awful."

You open your eyes, wiping your tears away with your hand not in Eddie's at the groggy sound of his voice. He's holding the other one tight, almost too tight, like you'll run if he lets go.

"That was a perfect impression," the words stutter on a heaving breath but you're smiling through it.

"I'm on so many drugs."

"I'll go get the nurse," you laugh, trying to pull yourself together.

"No," Eddie just barely tugs on your hand, not yet strong enough to pull you close. "Don't leave."

"I'm not, I won't. I'm here, Eddie. I'm sorry."

Eddie's eyes flutter shut, too tired yet for a full conversation, but he won't let your hand go. You find the call button next to the bed to call the nurse and wait.

"I'm not going anywhere."

---

--

-

🖤

[pooks]

time to nag about my headcanon "Percy has Seer powers" and why that is a great idea

first of all, a little clarification; this isn't common knowledge to the younger siblings. only Arthur, Molly, Bill and Charlie knows. they kept this secret after Fabian and Gideon Prewett died

this implies that they died to protect Percy, who was just this tiny toddler who had absolutely no control over what he could See

the result is to keep his Seer powers secret

some background info; Percy's Seer powers is a rare gift that is apparently passed down from the Black side

Cedrella, aka their paternal grandmother, had it and has taught Percy how to use and control it. that's why Percy had a more closer bond to his granny than the rest of the family.

Arthur did not inherit it, but one of his brothers did. unfortunately, his poor brother is dead (it's not Billius, but someone else cause Arthur had three brothers accourding to the wiki) because he rather die than to let himself being caught by Voldemort and used as a tool.

while he doesn't understand Seer powers too well, Arthur respects it and is trying to be supportive for Percy.

also at a later point, Percy had 1 Bad Incident™ involving his Seer powers and it slightly traumatised him enough to not try to use it again

he takes divination in his third year for two reasons; 1, he also want to achieve 12 NEWTS like Bill. 2, he wants to understand his weird future-seeing power.

Oliver, his roommate (oh my god they were roommates) finds out by accident and keeps nagging him about the future Quidditch match results. Percy refuses cause that's SPOILERS

and now ONTO THE FUN STUFF

Percy can look far into the future, but he settles for the fun stuff

he occassionally makes references to memes and vines

his siblings doesn't understand them at all

at least until they're all adults with families in the future

and they be like "YOU KNEW"

and Percy just smiles innocently even though he absolutely isn't

Harry and Hermione aren't safe from Percy's Seer Shenanigans either

everytime Hermione is working with a crossword, Percy's eyes flashes green for a moment and when he opens his mouth, Hermione hits him with a pillow cause he was about to reveal the answer

Harry asked Percy once if his Seer powers was why Fudge promoted him. Percy simply smiled and said "yes, that was the reason. but the idiot didn't realized that i tricked him all the time and sent him on a wild goose chase."

aaaaand some Ministry shitshow stuff;

HEADCANON TWO; PERCY MADE LIFE SOUR FOR FUDGE AND THE IDIOT NEVER REALIZED IT

ofc Percy would be petty af once he figured out Fudge only wanted him because of his Seer powers. which means the fucker looked at the classified information in his personell file. Percy is obvs mad about that, but it's too late to tell his family about it and he decides to be an absolute menace about it without being caught

"getting caught means that you weren't smart enough to get an escape plan"

Percy takes full offense of being treated like a tool instead of a human with rights

he burns several draft-ups for the "updated law for underage magic" because they're fucking awful and he knows the bastard wants to ruin Harry's education. that also means he would ruin his baby siblings' educations.

he also burnt the suggestion papers about giving Azkaban prisoners the dementor's kiss without trial.

the law suggestions about banning human rights for werewolves, wizard hybrids and squibs also got BURNT INTO ASHES

Percy: I decide the future now. >:)

Scrimgeour makes an early bird appearence cause Fudge can't find the law suggestions anymore and he was the idiot to not keep copies.

after investigating privately, Scrimgeour finds out that Percy burnt them up and this madlad explains why.

suddenly Scrimgeour fully supports Percy and says his late uncles would be proud. bonus: Scrimgeour simply says to Fudge that he can't find things that may be gone forever, it's sadly "lost media" now.

Percy, getting the idea from the twints, orders dragon fertilizer (it's dragon dung lol) subscription from norway's dragon research center and sanctuary and sends it to Umbridge, using her forged signature

he's careful to not get caught, so he looks into the future (a bit at the time, though)

feel free to add some of your own ideas/suggestions/headcanon about Seer!Percy Weasley :)

[suzukiblu]

For WIP Wednesday, either weird kryptonian bonding or the wet nurse omegaverse

“Superman,” Lois says, eyeing him warily as she accepts the sandwich. “You still haven’t explained why you’re calling . . . Superboy your kid.” 

“Because he’s my kid,” Clark repeats, puzzled again. 

“. . . think this is an alien thing?” Jimmy asks thoughtfully, glancing sidelong at Lois, who for some reason looks increasingly concerned. “Like, a ‘like recognizes like’ or maybe some sort of weird psychic bond or genetic instinct?” 

“Oh god, Clark has a kid,” Lois says, putting her hands on her face sandwich and all and looking less and less concerned and more and more panicked. “Clark has a baby! A kid who’s a baby! And also a teenager! I can’t be a dad, my dad is the worst, what kind of dad would I be?!” 

“The ‘mom’ kind?” Jimmy suggests, but Lois clearly isn’t listening. 

“I’m a terrible dad!” she says despairingly, gesturing frantically at Superboy with her sandwich and nearly dropping it. Clark just keeps an eye out and figures he’ll just catch it if she does. “I don’t know how to dad! And how am I gonna afford to send you to college?! I should’ve had eighteen years to get you a college fund!” 

Clark really does love her, he reflects contentedly. 

“You wanna be my dad too?” Superboy asks, tilting his head and blinking at her, and Lois balks.

---

“Er,” Travers says. “I’m . . . sure, yes. Ah . . . if you could just sign here, please, Omega Lane. And initial here.” 

She pulls out a pen; points to a few different places for Clark to sign. Clark glances over at Lor and Jon both melted into functional liquids on top of Carl while he purrs at and pets them, and then lets out a quiet exhalation. A flicker of something painful crosses his face as he does. 

Bruce is an alpha, obviously, and therefore can’t imagine what it feels like to be an omega who can’t nurse their own pups no matter how desperately they need it. Can’t imagine what it feels like when one of those pups is young enough to need milk enough that they’re starving without it, but he can't provide it for them. Can't give them what they're asking him for. 

What Lor's been calling and pleading for.

[blckbarbiedoll]

Million Dollar Baby

Epilogue

February 22, 2020-Los Angeles, California

You placed the dirty plates and silverware into the dishwasher before joining Patrick on the couch and waited for your other halves to join you.

"Do you think she liked us?" You asked.

"She's a seven year old. I'm sure she was just focused on her dinosaur chicken nuggets."

"She's our partner's daughter. It'd be nice if she likes us."

Tashi and Art joined you in the living room soon after. They handed you both glasses and poured some wine.

"She loved you guys." Tashi smiled. "She said Patrick was funny, and you were very pretty."

"What'd she say about the whole relationship thing?" Patrick asked.

"She was a little confused, but then she said it's okay because now she gets another mommy and daddy, and more Christmas presents."

"Thank god." You sighed.

"You know, we were thinking." Art said. "Now that you guys are married and Lily knows about us..." He looked to his wife.

"We were thinking, why don't the four of us...ya know?"

"No, we don't know."

"We're proposing, guys."

You and Patrick looked at each other and smiled before you jumped up and embraced them both. 

"I love you so much!" You exclaimed before kissing them both.

"Is that a yes?" The blonde asked.

"Yes!"

You all turned to look at Patrick who had remained silent.

"Pat?"

He smirked and nodded. "Yes. I wanna marry you both so fucking bad." He came over and pressed a soft kiss to Art's lips before doing the same to Tashi. 

"Even though it can't be legal, we thought we could still make it official." She pulled a small box out of her pocket and opened it. "I know it's not much. We didn't wanna be too flashy."

You both looked at the two silver wedding bands and grinned.

"There's an inscription on the inside." Art told you.

You picked one up and turned it over. 

'Love-Love'

"They're perfect."

You both took your own wedding bands off and slipped the new ones on.

"What about you guys?" You asked.

"We got some for ourselves. We were waiting until you said yes."

"Well put them on!" Patrick said excitedly.

They giggled and pulled their rings out of their pockets and copied your earlier actions.

"We should live together." You stated. "I mean, it'd be kinda weird if we're married and live apart. But I totally get it if you don't wanna do that right now."

Tashi grabbed your hand and grinned. "I already got the Alaskan King up the stairs. You're moving in."

"Good." Patrick said. "I cannot have Art's cold feet against my legs anymore."

"Oh, you love my feet."

"Not when I'm sleeping."

"Did you tell your parents?" You asked her.

"I'm saving that for another day. Right now, I just wanna be with my family."

You all began to cuddle together on the couch. You raked your fingers through Tashi's hair while Art was sitting in between Patrick's legs.

"Do you guys remember when we first met?" You asked the group.

"Like it was yesterday." Art smiled. "We thought you two were goddesses."

"We still do."

"I used to think about what would've happened if we hadn't gone to your hotel room. But now, I don't give a shit. This is way better."

"I love you guys." Tashi smiled as she reached over kiss the boys before kissing you.

"We love you too."

Later that night, you all made your way up the stairs and got into bed. 

"I love this new bed." Patrick said.

"Maybe now I won't have your morning breath in my face." Art joked.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah."

He climbed over Tashi and laid in between you and Art.

"Now you will."

"You're insane."

"You love it." He planted a soft kiss onto his lips and smirked.

"I love this family." You grinned before cuddling into Patrick's side and drifting off to sleep.

[superman86to99]

Superman #93 (September 1994)

ZERO HOUR CROSSOVER! Due to the time-related shenanigans going on around the DC Universe, Superman meets his Kryptonian parents again -- and this time, his mom doesn't want to puke when she sees him! In fact, she even gives him a motherly kiss. Aww.

We start with Supergirl fighting some 68th century aliens who found themselves transported to present-day Earth and apparently figured they might as well invade it. Superman drops by and deals with the aliens via his usual approach to problem-solving: he just chucks their ship back into space.

As the heroes land back in Metropolis, Lois Lane hands Superman her cellular telephone because he has a call from Ma Kent, who sounds pretty panicked. The call abruptly cuts off, and there's a dramatic moment where Superman wonders if he can really leave the whole "the universe is in danger" thing aside for a while...

...before deciding that, yes, his mom is more important, obviously.

So, Superman flies to Smallville to check on his parents, only to find two surprise characters in their home: freaking' Psi-Phon and Dreadnaught. Wait, no, it's his other parents, Jor-El and Lara, just standing in the Kent's kitchen. Jor-El explains that, after sending little baby Kal-El's rocket to Earth all those years ago, they realized Krypton wasn't exploding after all, whoops. A scientist called Jen-Em had figured out how to stall the explosion, and then, after years of work, they managed to cure Krypton of its explosive tendencies for good.

Superman quickly figures out that this must be the result of the weirdness caused by Zero Hour (after all, he's been to Krypton and saw that there's nothing but a big ball of green gas there), but he agrees to put on a Cyclops-esque visor that will show him Jor-El's story in more detail.

Through the futuristic Viewmaster, Superman learns that in this timeline, Krypton's near-death experience caused the Kryptonians to re-evaluate their priorities and abandon their cold, emotionless ways (hence this Lara not being repulsed by her son). In fact, Lara became the first modern Kryptonian to get pregnant and have a child the old fashioned way -- meaning that, yes, Superman has a brother, Zan-El. Zan not only grew up to become "prefect over the entire planet" (so, world president) but, more importantly, he also brought back the shorter togas and fashionable headbands of Krypton's ancient, Mike Mignola-designed past.

Meanwhile, Jor-El had spent all those decades working on a cure to the genetic defect that kills Kryptonians if they try to leave the planet. He finally came up with a serum that temporarily allowed him and Lara to visit Earth, but it's already wearing off. So, Superman has to decide quickly: will he go live in alternate, non-exploded Krypton with his biological family? Or will he stay with his adoptive one that actually raised him and made him who he is?

Superman agonizes over the choice for a moment, but then he's like "hey, wait a minute, I can just go visit!" He informs the Els of his decision and they're overjoyed -- until a poorly-timed thunderbolt full of chronal energy strikes their spaceship and erases them from reality.

"The last son of Krypton is orphaned once again." Damn, Jurgens.

Metron of the New Gods comes to remind the grieving Superman that all the other superheroes are waiting for him at Zero Hour #3 (now on sale!), but Superman says they can wait a little longer because he has something important to do: hug his Earth parents and tell them he loves them.

CONTINUED IN ZERO HOUR!

Plotline-Watch:

This is a classic issue, obviously, but my problem with it is that one of the "next issue" blurbs in another Super-Title had teased it as "Guess who's coming to dinner?" -- and yet there's no scene of the Kents and the Els enjoying any type of meal. I haven't read the recent Zero Hour 30th Anniversary Special by Jurgens (I will once we're done covering the event), but this scene better be in it.

At the start of the issue, as she fights the aliens, Supergirl sees the Superman hologram that he and Metron created with Green Lantern's help in Zero Hour #4. We'll go over every DC comic that got spammed with green holo-Superman in another post.

It greatly pleases me that Superman specifically mentions the time, exactly 75 issues ago, when Hawkman took him to see Krypton's remains (at which point Superman hallucinated a timeline where the Kryptonians survived by becoming even bigger assholes). Sure, it later turned out that this was an evil Hawkman impostor who inexplicably helped save Superman's life, but Superman probably doesn't know about that whole mess, plus I think Zero Hour is about to delete it from continuity anyway.

The reason for that genetic link to Krypton that Jor-El mentions was the Eradicator, as revealed in Action Annual #2, but Jurgens also refrains from opening that particular can of worms in this comic (especially since the Eradicator is currently running around with a superhero team and even appears in Zero Hour).

Metropolis Mailbag:

Imagine our delight (and our embarrassment) when we opened the newsletter archive page for Man of Steel #37 last week and saw there was a comment there from Mr. Jon Bogdanove himself, which had been sitting there unanswered for over a month! Agh! Here it is in full:

"Don—Outstanding job identifying all the Batmen ( You even got Walt!!). The only one you didn’t get reflects my failure. What you guessed was Marshall Rogers was meant to be Bernie Wrightson. However I deeply regret NOT including Marshall. I really should have. I also left out Norm, mainly because I didn’t think I could do him justice. I tried a few sketches and was able to identify a number of tropes we took a similar approach to—but I just wasn’t satisfied that I could really nail Norm—at least in the time I had left. Teaching myself all these different styles really pushed the drop-dead deadline to the limit. I really put poor Dennis and Whitty under the gun on this one. I did learn a hell of a lot drawing this issue though. Nothing like studying the masters to help you learn!! BTW: Weezie and I love that everyone hated Jeb so very much. One gets to draw many villains in one’s career, but rarely does one get to create so dislikeable a douchebag! I consider Jeb a genuine achievement. I know 90’s Jimmy annoys some people, but to me Jimmy was always meant to be comic relief. I liked playing Jimmy as this doofus kid with a middle-aged dad’s sense of cool. He still cracks me up. I would love to do a Retro look at Zero Hour—perhaps a vignette from that same night— in which 90s Jimmy meets himself from various other timelines—Golden Age office boy Jimmy, Silver-Age drag queen Jimmy, Kirby-era Jimmy, etc. I’d dedicate it to Max!"

And my shamefully late response (gonna go ahead and blame the time disturbances for it):

"I am mortified that we hadn't seen this comment until now! (Didn't realize the newsletter wouldn't alert us, argh) Sir, if you don't draw that Jimmy idea, I swear I will commission it from you one day. I would add Turtle Boy Jimmy, My Adventures with Superman Jimmy, and of course bald, Superman-hating Jerry Ordway Jimmy. Just no Jebs, please."

(I now check the newsletter archive pages for comments 75 times a day, unless I forget.)

Shout Outs-Watch:

Time-displaced shout outs to our SUPporters, Aaron, Chris “Ace” Hendrix, britneyspearsatemyshorts, Patrick D. Ryall, Mark Syp, Ryan Bush, Raphael Fischer, Kit, Dave Shevlin, and Dave Blosser! Join them (and get extra non-continuity articles; the latest one was about Superman fighting a guy called BONECHILL in the 1989 cartoon) via Patreon or our newsletter’s “pay what you want” mode!

And now: more from Don Sparrow, who sent me his section weeks ago but it also got lost in time (actually, I decided to cover Zero Hour #4 first). Keep reading:

Art-Watch (by @donsparrow):

We open with the cover, and while it’s a bit broad, it’s certainly accurate for the story within.  I kinda dig that “DC Universe” trade dress, though it didn’t seem to last very long.  Inside the issue, we’re met with a lovely full-page splash of Supergirl amidst a LOT going on—thunderclouds, lightning, a firing spacecraft and a Star Wars style holographic projection of Superman.

I wasn’t sure which review to tackle first, Zero Hour #4, or this one, but since they seem to take place more or less at the same time (with the holographic message coming early into issue 4, but the New York meeting coming in Zero Hour #3), I flipped a coin and went with this one as happening first.  As the story progresses, Supergirl gets an assist from the Man of Steel in dealing with the timelost aliens, brusquely tossing them into space.  This issue exemplifies a trend I’ve noticed with Jurgens’ layouts since the Death and Return storyline—he uses a lot fewer panels per page than he once did, often with a near full page splash and then two or three panels laid overtop.  Visually, it’s very arresting, and Jurgens knocks the background splashes out of the park—on pages 4 and 5, despite being nearly identical scenarios (Superman and Supergirl flying in a stormy sky), they’re both so well handled, you don’t even mind the repetition.  But from a storytelling standpoint, it really does feel like a little less to read each issue, so the Superman issues seem a little thinner in terms of what actually happens.  Anyone else notice this? [Max: For me at the time, the shorter plots were balanced out by the fact that I spent more time looking at the big, awesome pictures, as opposed to the smaller, lamers ones in the backissues I was buying, with all that wasted white space between panels. I'm paying for the full page to be used, dammit!!!] 

Back to the art, page 7 has a great drawing of a pensive Superman. Page 9 is a great image, but a bit of a missed opportunity—the last panel would have been more impactful had Jor-El REALLY looked identical to Kal-El (which I’ve mocked up). [Max: I also made a small change to the panel, see if you can spot it...]

I do appreciate Jurgens’ and Rubinstein’s effort to still give the Els expressive faces, without eyebrows.

As Jor-El shares the alternate history of Krypton, Superman in the VR visor is pretty reminiscent of Cyclops from X-Men.  It’s compelling to see the flowing outfits that Zan-El and his bride wear, in opposition to the robes of Jor and Lara—much more like the early more Roman look shown in the first issue of the World of Krypton series.  My guess is the group that attend Zan’s nuptials are all members of the El family--I had thought that the different Kryptonian houses would wear different colours rather than everyone in green, but aside from the odd panel from Action Annual #2, I can’t seem to find much corroboration of that assumption.  The sweet image of Lara giving her son a peck on the cheek is quietly powerful, with a great expression on Superman’s face on page 17.  Lastly, the tragic page of chronal discharge (which sounds like a rap metal band name) and electrical storms is well drawn.

SPEEDING BULLETS:

When Superman is hemming and hawing over whether to focus on the extinction level event the superheroes are facing, or head to the farm to help his parents, Supergirl posits “There’s only one choice and you know it.”  I completely thought that it was setting up for him to focus on saving all of humanity rather than popping home for a visit.

Perhaps it’s because they were trying to have the Zero Hour books serve as a jumping on point for new readers (particularly the zero issues, which are coming soon) but some of the dialogue in this issue feels clunkily expository, like when Superman reminds his fiancée Lois and quasi-family member Supergirl that the Kents “may not have been {his} genetic parents, but they’re real as they come”, or later when Superman explains to Jor-El and Lara (and the reader) about Krypton’s explosion, and the Matrix chamber rocketship.

They kinda gloss over whether there was any fallout about being wrong about Krypton exploding, though I suppose it was more about Jen-Em stabilizing the core rather than Jor being wrong. [Max: "Krypton is gonna blow up, guys" is definitely a meme among the current Kryptonian generation because the scientists did such a great job stopping it, like Y2K or the hole in the ozone layer here.]

Have we ever seen a post-Crisis Kryptonian depicted as having anything but black hair? [Max: I'm pretty sure there were some non-black haired ones in World of Krypton, but it's hard to tell with the eyebrow-less, nun habit-wearing ones. It's possible they made other hair colors go away once they got all into eugenics, though.]

It’s interesting that this alternate Krypton goes one step further than Byrne’s origin, regarding the Els.  In Byrne’s history, Jor-El was a rebel in his society because he had actual affection for his lifemate, Lara.  The notion of natural conception and birth goes even further than that, and was explored in the Man of Steel film, where (spoiler alert?) Kal himself was the first child naturally conceived in love in generations.

This issue also reveals that the familiar robes and headpieces worn by Jor-El and Lara aren’t simply traditional garb, they’re referred to as life support suits.

Though the Kents are worried about losing Clark to his Kryptonian parents, Jonathan is all man, which explains why he picks this particular moment to go to second base with his elderly wife. [Max: He instinctively wanted to get working on a replacement son, forgetting he's been shooting blanks since youth...]

While Superman cries in anguish at seeing his biological parents detonate, Metron simply refers to them as “unfortunates”.  All heart, that one.

Missed an issue? Looking for an old storyline? Check out our new chronological issue index!

[according2thelore]

can i mention ls/es verse on this mommy monday? bc the old versions seem like such a fucked up fountain of that ☺️

YES YOU MAY MENTION THAT, AND YOU SHOULD!!

putting a cut for brief nsft and a dash of mommy monday

it's hard to say which dean truly out-mommies.

on one hand, LS!Dean is so domesticated, and "is nesting" so like. obviously. yes.

he makes sam sandwiches and wraps him in little towels and lovingly tends to sammy's injuries while saying how proud he is of his little boy and how important he is.

he tells sam no with a strong voice, and sam really only follows through with a lot of it if he has dean's permission, lmao. like for the trials, S!1-2 sam would absolutely attempt do them behind dean's back anyways, but they actually have a conversation about it in S!8 (as stilted as it is) and he gets his mommy's permission! so nice!

but on the other hand ES!Dean is A MOMMY! he's overprotective and controlling and tries so desperately to get sammy's approval. sammy is his preteen and has decided that dean's not cool anymore, so dean is frantically trying to bring up things they did when he was younger like "oh haha don't u remember that time that we fought that werewolf in jackson? good times 🥺 </3"

he cradles sam's face in his hands and places thumbs at the back of his neck so sammy can't break eye contact, because he can tell from just one look if he's going to be okay.

he brushes off sammy's worse injuries like the classic "get up, shake it off" and jumps head-first off of a three-story bridge because sammy goes first.

ES!Sammy is dean's misbehaving thirteen-year-old that wears uneven black nail polish and combs his bangs over his eyes and talks about the "darkness in his soul" and dean is cooing over him and insisting that "my kid's not the problem. YOUR little brat on the other hand..." and rolls up to PTA meetings with chunky highlights and a purse filled with bricks.

but in the ES/LS verse, i think LS!Dean would probably ultimately out-mommy.

because like...c'mon.

LS!Sam and LS!Dean have settled so much into that dynamic, into the quiet dance of caring and being cared for, of power being already negotiated and traded. they're a lot more comfortable in the language of tending (even though they're definitely Still Weird), whereas ES!Sam&Dean tend to inject caring and caretaking with a power struggle that they're not used to yet. ES!Sam gets a little frustrated and resentful when ES!Dean's concern/attempts at mothering (to be frank) come off as patronizing. LS!Sam seems a lot more accepting that LS!Dean's attention can chafe, and while he sometimes still snaps, he also kind of basks in it. he loves when dean gets a little possessive or protective and loves it when dean becomes reassuring (thinking S!8 finale). they definitely negotiate that power more deftly than in ES, and so ultimately, i think they're more comfortable with the idea of "mommy."

but also, LS!Dean is putting his whole pussy into mommying. he's got TWO little baby brothers to look out for? mommy overload.

like...

LS!Dean is showing ES!Sam how to fix the engine on some random, shit-ass ford pinto in the bunker's garage, and when he gestures ES!Sam over with a quiet "c'mere baby, you see how the--" not even thinking about it, and ES!Sam goes absolutely perfectly fucking still because oh my god? holy shit?

and LS!Dean crowds in behind him, voice low in his ear, "you see how the rotor's not connected here? so what do we do when the fan's tilted like that?"

and sam shakily picks up one of the wrenches and makes some adjustment, and a hand slaps down low on sam's waist, turning the skin into live wires. sam jumps a little at the touch, not used to something so openly affectionate, to the sheer size and weight of the man behind him.

"good boy, sammy," LS!Dean murmurs, right into his hair, "you're payin' attention so well."

the words white-out sam's brain, fuzzing warm and hot and spilling over like a pot on a stove. and ES!Sam is suddenly, achingly hard, chest heaving, leaning back into LS!Dean's chest, almost blind with how bad he needs...something.

something is crawling up his throat and down his legs and he should feel patronized--he's not a fucking dog--but the praise goes straight to his cock and to the back of his neck, prickling the hairs there and his heart is hammering and his mouth opens and--

anyway. happy mommy dean monday!

-lizzy

[angel-of-hunky-doryness]

How Disney (Unintentionally) Created The Most Sympathetic Disney Villain

Yes, we're talking about Hades. So strap in, folks, this is gonna be a long one.

It may or may not come to a surprise to some of y'all that Mr. Hot head is my favorite Disney Villain. His charm, his sass, and above all his sarcastic one-liners, what isn't there to love about this walking-talking wheeling and dealing Mephistopheles archetype with the most basic villainous ambition of taking over the world.

Okay, fine, the cosmos. But at the end of the day, Hades has a very cut and dry appearance in Disney's Hercules. He doesn't even have nearly as much screentime as other Villains as I had previously believed.

First appearing quite apropos in the shadiest corner of Olympus ready to raise hell and all manner of chicanery just to incite misery to a newborn baby, only to exit stage left to cue the villainous side-plot with a bit of prophetical verse thrown in for good measure. A plan comes into being and he orders a hit on the aforementioned baby, only for the hit to fail despite y'know being the yutz in charge of the land of the dead *cough cough*

18 years pass and suddenly Hades has to completely 180 his plans, focusing not on his intended target of Olympus but the prophecy hero he thought he already axed. And so he unleashes a horde of monsters upon the city of Thebes as a result. The Titans are freed for some reason, Olympus is easily defeated and rescued, and then so is the plot device- I mean the Titans, and Hercules gives Hades the one punch man treatment, and so Hades is left to reconsider his life choices for all of eternity swirling in the Phlegethon/abyss. Pick your poison, either work.

Alright, cool, glad I got that out of the way. Oh, hold on, my sponsor, is giving me that beady eyed stare to remind our lovely audience that Meg was also an unfortunate victim in Hades' scheme. We'll get to Meg and Hades' relationship in a future post, but to summarize, Hades' treatment of Meg is far, far harsher and has tons more animosity than Hades and Hercules- the titular character mind you- ever had.

But I digress.

Despite, Hades' antagonistic role in the film, there are many, many nuggets that Disney gives that allows the audience to sympathize with his lot in life.

In his very quick introduction- it's a Disney movie the plot has to establish quickly cuz animators have lives too. Insert obligatory pay animator's fairly line here.

We have what I like to call Exhibit Alpha: The Introduction.

Now Disney Villains are no strangers to a dramatic introduction.

I couldn't find the exact gif of Maleficent appearing, but I ended up putting the one above because it proves my point. Everything about Maleficent strikes fear in the hearts of her audience. Everyone is watching her every move because they know she's a formidable threat.

When Hades makes himself known, the Olympians aren't scared or spooked like King Stefan and the 3 fairies were when Maleficent first appeared.

They're annoyed.

To them, Hades is the weird uncle no one invited, but shows up anyway. If anything, it looks like the gods have dealt with him before and know how to put on the cold shoulder to get him to leave faster.

The only one oblivious to all this is Zeus who invites him to stay and enjoy the party. But Hades isn't an idiot. He's very aware of the chilly reception he's getting and declines with this one-liner:

Keep this line in mind, we're going to circle back to it.

Zeus then proceeds to meet Hades with a quip right back and a very punny one at that, earning the first laugh since Hades arrived, and one at Hades' expense.

A laughing fit ensues and Hades storms off in a quiet rage.

A short scene indeed, but it tells us a lot about Hades, Zeus, and the gods.

Hades is an outcast.

Boo-hoo, homeboy just needs a girlfriend. Maybe a flaming flower-picking one, but that's neither here nor there.

Now, the interchange between Zeus and Hades makes it very clear how Hades started to become excluded from his family. Hades is absent to a lot of social gatherings and most of it is because of his job. A job that deals with stiffs, the dead, the dearly departed, however you wanna slice it.

Now before you say- well he was scheming to take over the cosmos on his free time, what do we see in the very next scene?

Over 5 billion souls served. Hades is a busy guy and the movie makes it really clear that even in his spare time meeting with the Fates, the work is piling up. Maybe that's why he's a fast talker, he's always moving and grooving so he can get some time to relax.

Yeah, yeah, we saw him smite some of his people on his small world boat ride, but considering we only see one god working in the underworld, he doesn't have the time of day for them and after eons of this drudgery he's gotten quite apathetic to their pleading.

The shades are just as doomed as him really.

Now we're going to gloss over a few scenes and move to Exhibit Beta: The Thebans.

Hold the phone, Hades isn't even in this scene.

My point exactly. Hades is a bit busy amassing a horde of monsters. Hecc, none of the disgruntled Thebans even mention a monster in their list of disasters. The Monster Mash party starts after Hercules rolled into town thanks to Meg after her failed recruitment of Nessus.

So what does that tell us? Whoever causes floods, earthquakes, fires probably caused by lightning incited these disasters not Hades. Hmm, on a weird side note, I don't think Hades' brothers, the earthshaker or god of storms, fit those descriptions at all.

All these disasters were happening while the Olympians did nothing. It wasn't unheard of for the ancient greek gods to send wayward mortals to do their bidding and help people or free them from monsters, so why does Phil put it upon himself to take Hercules out for the hero life? (Yeah Disney should've included the presence of other gods working on earth to make them out to really be responsible and helpful, hell maybe have Hermes fly in congratulating Herc for completing his training and direct him towards Thebes)

It's almost like Hades is the only god who's present or aware of the woes on earth. Sure he adds to it, but are the Olympians really lounging about doing nothing in this movie?

Exhibit Gamma: Storming the Palace

....

I have no words. Zeus and Hera could've been doing paperwork?? Looking out for their son??? Have a meeting with the Pantheon and that's why they're suddenly blindsided by the Titan attack???

Hades, though sassy, though sarcastic, and just a bucketful of ruthless and malicious described the Olympians to a T.

Hecc, the Olympians had no idea the Titans were out destroying the world until they were literally on their front doorstep. If Hades had told them to destroy half of Greece, they would've done so before the Olympians noticed.

And it's so contrived, but the only reason Hades lost was b/c Hercules shows up and frees some of the gods. Like if one other god was not on Mount Olympus they could've come save the day. But every god was there. Make that a fanfic y'all. ONe where the one god who was- I don't know confined to their island or something wondering where her mother went and so she has to gather all the nymphs and natures spirits to save olympus or some drivel like that.

Hermes had to sound the trumpet like judgement day to get the gods rocking and rolling. And that's not even considering how Hades gets punched into oblivion.

Exhibit Delta: Revelation 20:14 (NIV)

The one god who did his job has been thrown in prison??? Zombie apocalypse??? Is that you??? Where's Shawn when you need him???

Confine him to the underworld, Wonder Boy. Get your Greece Lightning father to take care of business in a flash. He'd get you Meg back in an instant. Just ask nicely. We know Psyche is in attendance. Meg deserves it after all she went through.

I know it's more dramatic, but the world of Hercules is absolutely screwed. Talk about a happy ending with terrible implications for the state of the world. Meg and Hercules are going to die and be sent to an afterlife with no deity to even send them to Elysium, and that's if Hades comes back at all.

*Takes a long drink from my pina colada*

I didn't mean for this post to turn into a hate show on the Disney Olympians. I'm just, I always knew Disney messed up hard on this movie. And yes I adore the hell out of it, but making a villain more sympathetic and likable than the hero? When I started writing this I didn't think it would get this bad, but the more I looked into it?

I haven't even touched how Hades has the worst employees, having to put up with his imps? The Titans who don't even know where the tallest mountain is?

For all his manipulation with Meg, Hades did give her everything he promised her. He's a devil sure, but he's a god of his word. He couldn't even force Meg to seduce Hercules, he had to convince her with some extra added relinquish your soul type bit. Hell, he was even willing to negotiate with Hercules after hurting his dog.

To finish off, even with those nuggets sprinkled in, at the end of the day Hades is a villain through and through. Yes, he's fun, yes, every single one of his lines is an improvised banger, but that's kind of the point.

One of the directors of Hercules once described Hades as being the type of evil that's attractive. Drags you in with promises of honey until you find yourself drowning in mercury. He's Mephistopheles offering you a Faustian deal, Satan with the apple, and this author trying to advertise their terrible fanfic that delves into this very topic.

I remain ever yours, dear readers.

Till next time.

[serge-starr]

Normalise people changing their names/pronouns

When you're born, you get barely any say in what your name and pronouns are. Obviously because you're a baby, you can't speak, you can barely even see past the bright lights, you can't communicate at all and you won't even have the knowledge, intelligence or conscience to be THINKING about your gender and sex.

🍂🍃🐾🍃🍂

In a world of conflict, disagreement, injustice and a lack of control over many things that determine our lifestyle, it should be acceptable for someone to have control over how they're addressed and how they referred to, since it's possible, very easy and doesn't harm anyone. It encourages people to have a sense of identity so they can express themselves, be more unique, more original or think creatively. It's similar to making a public account or customising your avatar in a game. While we can't fully change how we're physically built and what's inside or outside our body, we can still have our own social or spiritual constructs and beliefs that don't relate to anything physical. We can also have kindness, understanding and sympathy. Some people feel that they are born in the wrong body and we have to accept that, because they can't help that and neither can anyone else. We can't force people to give up on who they truly are just because a toxic society doesn't accept them. Only they know who they truly are and just because they weren't given that at birth doesn't mean we should force them to live without it forever. Some people may disagree because they don't understand it or can't relate to it, but that doesn't mean it's not there.

🍂🍃🐾🍃🍂

Also, please teach young people about the LGBTQ+ and alterhuman communities. By young people I mean children, not teens/young adults. Some want to prevent this because they don't want their child to be "CONVERTED" into a queer, or alterhuman, etc. I don't know how I'm supposed to prove this but for God sake they don't get converted. Sure, they may believe they're queer/alterhuman for a while, and change their mind later. Or, they might stay that way, and throughout the years, they're still that way, and a few years later, by the time you believe they're "old enough to know", they're still that way. Wouldn't you rather your child start the journey of finding themselves as early as possible so they can learn, excercise and develop as much as possible or do you want to keep them in a protective bubble so that they don't get "confused" or "brainwashed" but then allow reality to hit them one day just so they can suffer through what they should have dealt with years ago. Sometimes, finding yourself can be hard, yes. But, the sooner you start, the better strength and sense of self you'll have when you're older. Queers in general acknowledge that they've always been different from a very young age, and at some point they were aware of that, so why not give them the education they need to figure out WHY they're different? It will prevent/fix so many insecurities. I hate that people are so hesitant to try out new things because they're so damn comfortable with traditions. Times are MEANT TO CHANGE, people are MEANT TO CHANGE, society is MEANT TO CHANGE. That's how we learn. That's how we grow. That's how we get better. That's how we get stronger, smarter, etc. Stop getting upset about how much things have changed that is a God damn good thing. In fact, I'M GLAD times have changed. I would HATE living in a time of ignorance or lack of awareness. I am SO GLAD that I know I'm queer and an alterhuman because if I didn't, I'd be so confused, lost, and I'd probably hate myself and think that I'm weird (in a bad context).

🍂🍃🐾🍃🍂

Also, can we PLEASE STOP this argument about fucking pronouns. Just be a decent human being and respect people's pronouns no matter what the fuck they are. Even if they're neopronouns, or something you've never heard of. Just use them. If you don't want to use them, then either don't talk to them, avoid misgendering them by avoiding the use of pronouns altogether (which I guarantee will be a lot harder for you anyway) or just grow the fuck up and use them.

And then there's the mfs who say ::

"BUT THEY/THEM IS PLURAL IT'S CONFUSING!"

"BUT NEOPRONOUNS ARE WEIRD! THEY DON'T MAKE SENSE! THEY'RE NOT EVEN PART OF THE LANGUAGE!"

"BUT USING THEIR PRONOUNS MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE!"

"I DON'T WANT TO ASK PEOPLE FOR THEIR PRONOUNS.. IT'S AWKWARD. IT FEELS WRONG."

"WHY SHOULD PEOPLE GET MAD THAT I MISGENDERED THEM IF I DON'T EVEN KNOW THEIR PRONOUNS?"

"WHY CAN'T WE JUST GO BACK TO WHEN THINGS WERE MORE SIMPLE??! I'M SICK OF ALL THIS PRONOUNS RUBBISH. LET'S GO BACK TO WHEN THERE WERE ONLY 2 GENDERS!!"

You can use they/them to refer to one individual or multiple individuals. It's not always plural. They/them can be used to refer to someone/ some people who are not classed as men or women, but just PEOPLE.

And I swear to God y'all better NOT get pissed off when someone tries to correct you after YOU misgendered THEM. It's not a personal attack. They're just setting boundaries and if you don't like that then you're a problem you need some self-investment. Imagine yourself in their shoes, hating the names and pronouns they were born with because they asoossiate them with discomfort or possibly trauma, and here you are bringing back their discomfort. Surely you can understand or relate to not wanting something that you're forced to do or forced to have. Are you really going to make them suffer just because YOU can't be bothered to remember their preferred name. AKA. Their ACTUAL name.

Now obviously, if you misgender them by accident, that's a different story, and they shouldn't make you feel bad about yourself for doing it if it wasn't your intention. It goes both ways. ACCIDENTALLY misgendering someone isn't a personal attack because you don't know what you're doing until you're enlightened. You don't need to feel bad for it and no one should be making you feel bad. If that is happening be mature and make it clear that you did not mean to misgender them and learn from your mistake. To avoid this, it's better to ask for their pronouns before starting a conversation. If they insult you for ACCIDENTALLY misgendering them even though you wanted to make it clear that it was an accident, then yeah, maybe they're the problem. But purposely misgendering someone isn't okay, no matter what the reason for it is. I don't care if you don't like that person so you're misgendering them as a personal attack, or even if you're transphobic. Purposely misgendering someone is a dumb act. And uh, yes, fuck the transphobes.

About neopronouns, it doesn't matter if you don't understand it. You should still respect it. You're not going to relate with everything but you shouldn't make that anyone else problem. So what if it's new to the language? Do you just not want new words to be added to the dictionary so we're stuck with the same old words forever? We say words like "skibidi" and "sigma" and "rizz" and "gyatt" and "good" and "edge" and "mewing" and all that brainrot stuff and that's not part of the language either. But we still God damn say it don't we? Now I know that doesn't prove my point because those aren't agreed to be ACTUAL words by everyone but look. We can add new words to our language. Like fuck it, that's literally the whole point of a language. Anyway respect and use neopronouns.

Asking someone for their pronouns is the same as asking for their name. You don't know either until you ask or get to know. Think of it that way. Every individual has their own name and therefore their own pronouns. Yes, everyone either has male or female genitalia unless they have genital mutilation. (I'm not going to talk about intersex people in this post because I haven't done proper research on them yet and they're not really relevent to what I'm currently discussing). But in terms of gender, there is way more than just boy or girl. Just because someone "looks like a girl" doesn't mean they should be forced to use she/her and the same goes for "boys". Appearance isn't something we have control over completly and we need to acknowledge that, for example, just because someone's a female doesn't mean they can't use he/him. They don't have to try to look like a boy in order to use the pronouns. If it's what makes them happy and comfortable. Do it now. Don't make them wait for anything. DO. IT. NOW.

We also need to acknowledge that there is more than just FTM trans and MTF trans. There are non-binary people, generfluid people, people who fit into different categories, etc.

I hate that y'all are saying you want to go back to the times when things were more "simple" 😭 like PLEASE, tell me you're not serious bro. So you want to go back when we had no phones, no cars and less scentific knowledge. I mean sure, go for it dude. Get that time machine out right now. Let's go back to when we objectified/raped/cheated on women, hit children with canes and enjoyed watching people get excecuted. Oh yes, and g3n0c1de and mass murder was normal. Oh yes, and people were manipulated/tricked into going to war and dying. Oh yes, and being a n@zi back then was considered okay too. Do you want to go back to those times? Or do you want to be safe? Your choice I guess.

The reason y'all hate this "new" pronoun "trend" so much is because you've been brought up to hate it. You've also been taught to hate anything that's different to societal norms. At this point, I don't even hate y'all. I just pity you. You follow what all these idiots tell you to do and that's it. You're so unauthentic that you can't stand people who are authentic. Let people be themselves man.

🍂🍃🐾🍃🍂

Your sex is what you're assigned with at birth. It's what you are biologically, sexually, whatever. It's what's "in between your legs". This creates the terms male, female and intersex, which is different to the terms "boy", "girl", "man" and "woman". Our sex can only change if we have top/bottom surgery. Oviously, this leads to the chromosomes argument, which I honestly think is very stupid and irrelevant. Your chromosomes are literally just the reminder of what sex and gender you were assigned with at birth. The definition of what a "real man" or a "real woman" is thrown around the room so much it's crazy.

Here's how I see it. Imagine someone is born with male genitalia so they're assigned as (sex - male) (gender - boy) at birth. From what my heteronormative, homophobic and transphobic family member has said to me, a "real man" is a person with "XY" chromosomes, or someone who's born with male genitalia). When did we decide that's what defines a real man? Why does that have to be the definition? First of all, we haven't agreed as a whole that that's what defines a real man. Secondly, no scientist has said that a so-called "REAL MAN" is equivalent to a biological male. Lastly, this formed definition doesn't benefit anybody apart from assholes. In fact, it's used to promote transphobia and encourage hate speech. If someone was born in the wrong body and so therefore need gender affirming care and top/bottom surgery, how can we call that a real man?

We can't control our sex. Honestly I bet many people wish we could. I do. I hate my body so much I can barely stand watching myself get dressed, get in and out the shower, etc. Obviously not everyone hates their body. When someone has body "dysphoria", not to be confused with body "dysmporphia" (thinking you body is fatter/skinnier/"uglier" than it is), it means that they are dissatisfied with the body that they have and the gender they are assigned with at birth.

Changing the gender you identify as, getting surgery or learning what a healthy body looks like as well as developing a healthy lifestyle can treat these problems very well. They worked for me.

BOTH our gender and our sex are the same when we are born. For example, I was born with female genitalia so I was named (my deadname) and referred to as a "female". This means that BY DEFAULT, my gender was "girl" and my pronouns were "she/her/hers". My parents were very happy to finally have a daughter, which is very unfortunate considering how times have changed along with gender norms. It's also unfortunate because as one of my favourite youtubers (funkyfrogbait) said, it's a bad idea to treat babies like pokemon and keep having them until you get the gender you want. This is inconsiderate of the fact that each baby is an individual and unique life and not just a second chance for you. Babies grow up to be their own people and they're not there to serve the parents. How society was decades ago and how society is now is very differnet and some parents are very upset that their kids aren't turning out how they expected them to be.

I remember once my Mother said that she was worried about me being converted to the queer community. My naiive ass literally sat there and reassured her that I wasn't gay 💀 I didn't even realize how fucked up it was that I had to promise something like that to my Mother, when she should love me regardless of my sexuality. My siblings would always talk down on queer people and pride. It made me uncomfy. I would just laugh awkwardly and pretend to find it funny, even though half the time they weren't even joking. One of my siblings mocked their ex for dying their hair pink after the breakup, saying that she was "going mad". My Mother would agree. Honestly, I don't understand how dying your hair means you're "going mad". It's just a fun thing people like to do. Maybe they wanted to criticise the alternative side of it because they're a conservative family, which is bad for me because I'm alternative. It took me a few years to realized how fucked up this was. On top of that, my sibling would criticise people with dyed hair as they followed the sterotype that queers are alternative, have dyed hair, tattoos, piercings, etc. this one time they would refer to "those gays" as "green-haired smelly gay woke transgender farts". My sibling was bragging about not being queer and my parents said that queers are so down below him that he shouldn't even compare himself to them. Looking back at this, my heart sinks.

Anyway, back to the point. Gender is different to sex and there are way more gender types than sex types. I won't be able to list them all because I don't know them all, but some examples are man, woman, genderfluid, bigender, agender, and the list goes on. There's also non-binary but I don't know if that counts as a gender please enlighten me. You can choose whatever gender makes you comfortable or happy. I am genderfluid, which means my gender changes frequently as well as my pronouns. I am female but my pronouns are fluid from he/him to they/them. I identify as a person most of the time, a man sometimes but never a woman.

If I've written any misinformation or anything innaccurate in this post please let me know and I'll edit it, thanks!

That's all. Thanks for reading!

[veliseraptor]

hard and soft vegaspete headcanons please! i am utterly in love with your brain <3

aw, thank you, anon! right now me and my brain are on a friendship time out until it starts behaving itself again but I will pass that on anyway.

hard headcanon: For the first several months post-canon Vegas is absolutely terrified of doing something wrong. In general, absolutely, but one place this manifests is sex, where Vegas is torn between being absolutely ravenous and treating Pete like glass because he's not sure what the rules are and god forbid they talk about it. (They don't. Vegas knows they should, certainly, he understands that about BDSM procedure, but is he going to open that conversation? no. And Pete certainly won't.)

Now Pete, on the other hand, is losing his mind because after years of I think a largely lackluster sex life suddenly it feels like he is turned on all the time and by nothing and here Vegas is being all weird and tentative about it and it's driving Pete insane. And of course Vegas slips at some point and gets a little rougher and Pete is like "YES FINALLY" and then Vegas probably has a full-on panic attack and that kind of ruins the mood.

Pete is trying to be sympathetic, he really is, but it's hard when on the one hand he's like "come on, just stop thinking so much and move right along past all your troubles without looking at them like I do, it works for me" (it doesn't) and also like "you did this to me, fucker, are you going to do something about it or not?"

When things do eventually give and they start working it out it is kind of the worst, though. They're so unbearably all over each other. Things get weirdly sexually charged even if there are other people around, and it's not an exhibition thing, they just kind of forget about other people being there. Macau is suffering.

soft headcanon: I think Vegas loves giving Pete gifts. Particularly extravagant gifts. Pete will casually mention an interest in/wanting something and the next day it will be delivered to him with bows on by a Vegas who is, perhaps, ever so slightly desperate for approval. But it's also just about enjoying spoiling him a little! From Vegas's perspective he's very "poor Pete, he's never had anything for himself and he's never had disposable income to spend on whatever he wants so now I'm going to fix that!!!" and it's not like money is an object. Or at least he's not used to it being.

Frankly this makes Pete really uncomfortable. Ostentatious extravagance makes him feel funny! Conspicuous displays of wealth makes him feel weird and out of place and also vaguely anxious! He doesn't know what to do with this and also he's never had this much stuff in his life, where's he supposed to put it, some of this isn't even useful (which, I think Pete is deeply tied to thinking of things for himself in terms of utility) but he can't get rid of it because Vegas's feelings will be hurt.

Vegas does pick up on this eventually but his solution is less to change his strategy and more to adjust so that his extravagant gifts are less obviously extravagant. That kind of expensive that doesn't look expensive. Pete doesn't have to know how much that thing cost.

Vegas is just very much here like "nobody else has been spoiling Pete and someone's gotta do it" and Pete's like "no, nobody has to do that actually" and Vegas just ignores that completely.

Oh yes, also the cat, who Vegas sometimes calls "baby" in exactly the same way he talks to Pete.

[ladylooch]

What is Mack’s reaction to him shaving his mustache off😭

Hahaha I have an idea for this that Mack doesn't see David without a beard or mustache until they are married and have kids ( yes plural). So when David comes out of the bathroom like that, Mack is SHOOK! The kids are crying, running away from him and David has some immediate regrets.

The babies are clinging to Mack with wet cheeks.

"Hey... it's okay." David puts a huge hand on their youngest's head, who squirms away from their father.

"Wow." Mack stutters out at her husband, eyes wide as she puts her hand on the baby's brown hair. "Um. So can we go back to a few minutes ago when you thought that was a good decision?"

"Is it that bad?" He asks, dropping his hands to his side. Mack snorts.

"Our kids are crying and I'm with them on this. It's not good." She laughs as his face drops further into a frown. He rubs at his clean shaven cheeks. The sound is rough as a dark shadow still dusts his cheeks. He shrugs, then leans down to kiss her lips. Mack squirms under his mouth. "Oh my god!" She gasps, then clasps a hand over her own mouth. It's been so long since she kissed anyone other than him, so no mustache on his upper lip feels wrong!

"Babe." He grumbles.

"You need to run this decision by me next time. We gotta go get you a fake one so the babies stop crying." David glares at her, upper lip curling in annoyance. Mack burst out laughing again at the way his face looks distorted, so obviously missing its distinguishing feature.

"You know that unconditional love we talked about in our vows? It's feeling a little conditional right now." Mack howls with laugher.

"I guess it is. I didn't know what you looked like without a mustache before I married you! My mistake." She leans forward, still balancing their youngest on her shoulder as she pokes him in the side. David steps away from her touch.

"Leave me alone." He says with some bite to it. He walks around the couch and heads into the kitchen. Mack watches him with amusement, then slowly her smile starts to drop off her face. His shoulders are tense and he slams the fridge door with a little force. Mack purses her lips, trying to swallow another bubble of laughter.

"Babe, you know I'm teasing you." She murmurs lightly.

David gives her the side eyes as he takes a sip of his sports drink. He screws the top back on then heads down the hallway, swinging his bottle the whole way with attitude.

After getting their youngest situated for nap time, Mack heads towards the bedroom, leaning in the doorway where he leans on his back on their bed.

"Are you mad?"

"No. I'm hurt." He puffs. "If I did that to you, I'd be so deep in the dog house, I'd be spending Christmas morning there next year."

Weird analogy, but it makes Mack laugh.

"Fair. I'm sorry. It's just so... different. I don't know you any other way and I was taken aback."

"The babies cried." He says quietly. Clearly, he is most upset about that.

"Babe, it's new. They're kids. They don't like change. Apparently their mom doesn't either." She walks over to the bed. She climbs on top of him, straddling his lap. He looks up at her with a deep frown pinching his lips. Her fingers run over his bare upper lip, skimming the smooth-rough skin. "It's already growing back." She points out.

Mack leans forward to kiss him. She lets her lips become familiar with this new feel, then drags her tongue along his bottom lip in earnest. David's hands come to her hips to hold her in place.

"I love you." She reminds him.

"Prove it." He mumbles, crudely biting her bottom lip.

Mack pulls away slowly, suspicion tugging her eyes into a squint.

"Were you pretending to be upset?" She sits back on him, directly over his massive erection pressing into her butt.

"No." He answers. Then his big hands roll her hips in his grasp. "I just know exactly how I want you to make it up to me."

"There are kids awake."

"There's a lock on that door for a reason, honey."