#and yes 3 people crash into trains an hour…

[duckinhoodies]

i love being right (suspected drivers ed instructor was greatly misrepresenting statistics and was right)

[emmkayyy03]

✨ How Your Dominant Planet Secretly Shapes Your Teenage Brain ✨

Have you ever looked back at your late teens and wondered why you were so obsessed with certain things? Like, one friend was glued to their guitar and poetry journals, another was training for their fifth marathon, and you? You were probably neck-deep in your thing. Here’s the deal: your dominant planet was pulling the strings behind the scenes, shaping how your mind worked and what you gravitated toward without you even realizing it.

Let’s break it down:

🌞 SUN Dominant: "I need to shine—what’s the point otherwise?" Late teens for Sun-kissed folks are like a personal hero’s journey. You’re obsessed with figuring out who you are. Your brain’s constantly asking, Am I good enough? Do people see my worth? You might’ve been the captain of the debate team, the drama club star, or just that person who somehow made walking to the cafeteria look like a runway. How your mind works: Everything feels like a stage, and you want to perform your best—even in front of yourself. You seek validation, yes, but deep down, it’s about finding your inner confidence.

🌙 MOON Dominant: "I feel… everything. Is that normal?" For Moon folks, the late teens are an emotional hurricane. You’re all about understanding feelings, whether it’s yours or everyone else’s. You probably overthink texts (why’d they only reply with “k”?), cry over movies you’ve seen a million times, and have deep, borderline-therapeutic convos with your bestie. How your mind works: You process the world emotionally first, logically second. You’re learning how to handle your empathy without drowning in it.

🔥 MARS Dominant: "Let’s go! But… where are we going?" Mars kids are powered by action and passion, and your late teens are when you’re learning to channel that fire. Your brain thrives on challenges, so you probably signed up for every sport, pushed yourself in the gym, or got way too into proving someone wrong in an argument. Impulse control? We’ll work on that later. How your mind works: You process through doing. Sitting around theorizing makes you twitchy. You need action, even if it’s messy. Picking fights on the basketball court because the ref made a bad call, then realizing you’re actually just mad your crush didn’t text you back.

💬 MERCURY Dominant: "Wait, how does that work? Tell me everything!" Mercury-dominant teens are curiosity machines. Your brain’s like a search engine that never stops running. You want to know why, how, who, and what if. You’re that kid who can’t let a fun fact go without looking it up. Debates? Bring ’em on. Trivia? Your jam. Group chats? You run them. How your mind works: You connect ideas at lightning speed. Learning isn’t just a necessity; it’s your love language. Staying up until 3 a.m. watching YouTube videos about conspiracy theories, then showing up to school explaining why aliens totally built the pyramids.

💎 VENUS Dominant: "Why settle for okay when life can be beautiful?" Your late teens are a crash course in pleasure, relationships, and aesthetics. You’re probably experimenting with your style (cue questionable fashion phases), figuring out love (hello, hopeless romantic), or diving into art and music. Life needs to feel good, or it’s just not worth it. How your mind works: You’re tuned to beauty and connection. Your decisions are emotional but driven by desire—whether it’s for love, art, or the perfect selfie.Spending an hour perfecting your eyeliner just to go to the grocery store because what if you meet someone cute?

🌍 SATURN Dominant: "I’m too busy for nonsense." While your friends are out making impulsive mistakes, you’re busy building your future. Saturn-dominant teens have an old-soul vibe. You’re focused on responsibility, probably working a part-time job while juggling school and worrying about saving for college. Fun? Sure, but only if it’s productive. How your mind works: You crave structure and long-term success. While others wing it, you plan 10 steps ahead. Skipping a party to study for finals because failing isn’t an option—not because of pressure, but because you expect better from yourself.

🚀 RAHU Dominant: "What’s the wildest thing I can do right now?" Rahu teens are like explorers charting unknown territory. You’re obsessed with breaking rules, chasing thrills, and doing the forbidden. If it’s edgy, you’re into it. You’re the one sneaking out, dyeing your hair neon green, or trying things that make adults nervous. How your mind works: You’re wired to seek more. More excitement, more knowledge, more of life’s extremes. Going on a spontaneous road trip with friends, breaking the rules, or getting into something your parents wouldn’t approve of—just because it felt like the next big adventure.

🌌 KETU Dominant: "I’m here, but also not really here." Ketu teens are all about spiritual detachment. You’re introspective, reflective, and a bit aloof. While everyone else is chasing their dreams, you’re figuring out why dreams matter at all. Meditation, tarot, or even just staring at the stars for hours—you’re vibing on a higher plane. How your mind works: You reject surface-level stuff, diving into the depths of existence. But you also need to learn to be present. Skipping out on big social events to sit at a park by yourself, journaling about the mysteries of life, or getting into spiritual practices like meditation because they felt more authentic than anything else.

🚀 JUPITER Dominant: "Knowledge is freedom, and I’m going after it!" Jupiter-dominant teens are all about growth, knowledge, and the bigger picture. Your late teens were likely filled with plans for the future, exploring new ideas, and constantly looking for ways to improve. You may have been the one always talking about your next big trip, your dream career, or the philosophies that shaped your world view. How your mind works: You crave expansion and understanding. Learning is your path to freedom. Deep-diving into a topic you just discovered, researching potential career paths, or discussing ideas about travel, culture, and self-improvement with anyone who would listen. Your teenage years were wild, weren’t they? Which planet had your brain on lock? Reblog with your planetary dominant and let’s compare chaotic late-teen stories. 🌠

[generalsmemories]

48 hours.

✧ jing yuan x gn!reader

✧ synopsis: did time always pass this slowly before?

✧ word count: 3.5k

✧ contents: established relationship, mentions of other characters, fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, spoilers for the 1.2 main story! + a very sorry attempt of writing angst lmfao

✧ a/n: i better see my man waking up from the best sleep he's ever had next update, i ain't accepting anything else. but until then you guys will get whatever this is because Jing Yuan is literally the definition of sleeping beauty throughout 90% of this piece.

The smell of seawater is prominent the closer you get to the statue of the former high elder. The waves seemingly roaring their praises for the Vidyadhara male before you who once again parted them to reveal a palace buried beneath them.

You're still able to see the waves crash down onto the shore, the force of the impact so harsh that your shoes are drenched.

The troops behind you seem to be in awe, whispering amongst themselves as you make your way up the stairs. Fu Xuan seems to notice you almost immediately, to which you give a curt bow before looking over to Jing Yuan whose hardened expression seem to soften slightly upon seeing you, "General, the reinforcements you've requested are here," you relay, glancing behind you to gesture the other Cloud Knights to position themselves behind the two that was behind Fu Xuan.

"Splendid, Lady Fu?" Jing Yuan turns his attention back to Fu Xuan who straightens up a bit, your eyes sweep over the people behind him. The trailblazer and their companions either giving you a curt nod or an energetic wave upon seeing your attention on them. Only one male diverts his attention elsewhere when his eyes locked upon yours. You can however see him give you a curt nod when he glanced back at you, "Remain here - lead the Cloud Knights in defense of this passage. We must prevent further incidents."

Your eyebrows furrow, but before you can utter a sound Fu Xuan takes a step before you in alarm, "Jing Yuan- General, are you planning on facing Phantylia alone?"

Your mind blanks the moment you notice what he's planning to do, but as the plan has already come this far any complaints you would have would fall on deaf ears. You can merely bite back your words and look away from him - Jing Yuan does take notice of this, but he has no time to console you, merely sparing you an apologetic glance as if that would lessen the sudden reveal of his plans.

You only turn your attention back towards the stairways leading down once you start to hear bustling around you, already noticing Fu Xuan address some Cloud Knights - but she does glance at you and cock her head to the side towards the retreating group with a small smile.

Almost as if saying: "We never know what might happen, say what you want to say now instead of regretting it later."

He's walking considerably slower than the rest of the party, and you let out a scoff at how he even predicted this, "Jing Yuan." you call out, and your lover turns around with the same easygoing smile he always gave you whether it was during a meeting at the Divine Foresight, on the training grounds of the Cloud Knights as he sparred with Yanqing or at the comfort at your own private quarters.

But he doesn't move from his spot - "Yes?" he asks softly, foregoing the petnames he usually addreses with you, a silent hint as to what sort of situation the two of you find yourself in.

"... I expect you to return safely to your troops, general." you merely say, before mouthing silently: "And to me."

Jing Yuan doesn't give you a nod, he merely laughs with a smile before turning around and descending down the stairs.

The next time you saw him, he was being carried by Dan Heng, not even conscious to hear your call for him.

HOUR 3

It took an hour to haul him to to Miss Bailu's place, the smaller vidyadhara's eyes widening upon seeing his unconscious self being carred by another Vidyadhara of all things.

And as much as you wanted to stay by him, there were more immediate pressing matters to handle. You had practically begged the high elder to take care of him, sputtering whatever you were informed before Bailu were forced to sit you down to make you relax.

You were offered a cup of her herbal tea before you continued on your way, taking one last glance at Jing Yuans' resting form before you rushed out to take care of your home in his stead.

HOUR 12

The ink brush in your hand is barely moving at this point, the tip of the hair dipped with the ink having made an extended black dot on the paper scroll you were currently writing on. You glanced over to the side from your place at the desk, watching with rapt attention Jing Yuans' chest falling up and down - an indicator that he was alive and breathing.

You're pretty sure you've observed his condition more than you have gotten any work done in the past few hours. The intial plan was to go the Divine Foresight to take care of the duties that would be left behind with the abscence of the General personally because at that point you would be easily accesible to the public. But just after an hour or two, Qingzu had contacted Fu Xuan to inform her that you were in no right mind to currently focus.

Thus you were tasked to stay home or work from the room where Jing Yuan was resting by Bailu's clinic - Fu Xuan had merely parroted back what Bailu had said to her which was to let Jing Yuan wake up on his own terms, he didn't seem to be affected too strongly by Phantylia's attempt to turn him into a voidranger, and Bailu was currently in the process of finding out more.

"You wouldn't want him to wake up to the entirety of Xianzhou and yourself in disarray do you? If anything the moment he does he would sure wish he was back asleep," she had tried to joke, to which you only responded with a dry laugh.

You glanced towards the clock again, you don't know how many times you've done it, 7:28 AM. it had gone 9 hours since? Why did it feel like it had gone days?

You let out a sigh, settling yourself to sit beside Jing Yuan and brushing a hand through his hair, "How come you even made me forget the concept of time for us?" you mutter. 9 hours was usually nothing for you - nor for him. 9 hours was a lot for a short-lived species, but for you, it was just 9 hours.

It was just supposed to be a few hours.

So how did 9 hours suddenly feel a lot longer?

HOUR 24

There's a quiet knock at the door that jolts you awake, the sudden sound amidst the quiet room makes you jump from your seat at the desk, your knee colliding with the surface underneath the desk.

It doesn't hurt of course, but the person behind the door can hear your quiet curse, "Come in, Yanqing," you utter a few minutes after, and when he opens the door he's met with scene of ink spilled all over the desk and dripping down the floor.

"... Lady Bailu wouldn't be very happy about that mess, you know?"

You merely dropped a handful of paper towels down on the floor and set the ink bottle straight again, taking a seat by the bed and gesturing for Yanqing to settle on the floor in front of you. The boy doesn't utter a word as he passed you the bandages and first aid kit he had gotten from one of the attendants.

"You know you don't have to come all the way here to just get your wounds dressed up, right?" You remind the lieutenant, but at the back of your mind you're well aware the reason why Yanqing keeps coming back, "But thank you."

A couple of minutes pass like that, Yanqing kneeled on the floor as you set up everything, the distant tick-tock of the clock reverberating by the lieutenant ears.

"It doesn't hurt as much anymore, right?" you ask while undressing the bandages currently adorning his head, "It never hurt at all, who do you take me for, [Name]?!" he scoffed, crossing his arms and turning his head to the side harshly - immediately regretting said decision with a pained whimper.

You chuckle, brushing out his hair before starting to wrap the bandages around his head again, "You and that idiot really like to throw yourselves head first into danger, hmm?" you muse quietly, Yanqing's posture immediately stiffening at the mention of the general still unconscious beside you.

"He's not mad, is he?" Yanqing asks quietly after you've tied a knot, leaning his head back to stare at you. The mere question makes you laugh even more, "He was already aware of what you were planning to do, he could never be severely disappointed in you," the response made the younger boy let out a sigh of relief.

"... Are you mad at him?" Yanqing asks in the end, the boy having already made himself comfortable against you, twisting his body to lean his arms on your left thigh. Propping his chin on his arms that rests against your thigh, he takes a long look at Jing Yuan before directing his gaze back to you. He patiently waits for your response, but you can only blink back at him in wonder before your gaze turns towards Jing Yuan.

... Were you angry?

HOUR 32

"You're not gonna rot in this room with him of all things, [Name]." is the first thing Fu Xuan says the moment she slams the door open. You are for once, not cooped inside the clinic room, but outside by the balcony staring down at the Xianzhou people go on about their day with a cup of herbal tea in your hand, merely giving her a glance with a raised eyebrow.

"I'm very much not rotting inside there, Lady Fu. Bailu wouldn't let me either. Please give me a bit more credit than that," you say with a sigh, placing the cup of tea down in front of her before taking a seat opposite of her, "I'm just concerned is all, is there any news from Lady Bailu?" you question, the divination commissioner shaking her head, "Other than her confirming that the general should really just be deeply asleep, she hasn't found anything yet. But he did take a lot of wounds and hits during that fight from what I was informed, it's amazing there's nothing more than that."

A moment of silence passes, the only sound is the clinking of ice cubes against your glass while you swirled the tea around.

"That's the thing."

"Pardon?"

" There should be something more happening to him than just being bedridden needing a nap! He was almost turned into a voidranger of all things, Fu Xuan!" you shout, the fragile composure that you had so desperately tried to hold up cracking in just a few hours. The divination commissioners' eyes widening in surprise at the sudden outburst.

If the past you could've seen the state you were in now, they would've laughed at you. Even now you find yourself pathethic. Because it is pathethic, you've been through worse situations that lasted for weeks, months and even decades.

But somehow, seeing your beloved in such a position and unable to do anything when you usually were able to just cracks down on every purpose and belief you've held yourself to.

"He didn't want help, he didn't ask for help when he had the chance! He went into that battle expecting to not come back alive at all, but with purpose to bring that ravager down with him! And of course he would, it's Jing Yuan! He will lay down his entire soul and being, his life to protect the Xianzhou through another crisis - just like every other problem that could've risen to a crisis in the past centuries!" you cry, Fu Xuan can see that even with the outburst you're still trying to keep yourself sane, your knuckles turning white from gripping the corners of the table before you.

"The only thing I shouldn't have to worry about is when he's going to wake up, Fu Xuan. That worry shouldn't have to be my only concern with his condition," you mutter in the end. A few minutes pass by in silence, not because Fu Xuan didn't know what to say - moreso because she was aware that you weren't looking for comfort.

So she lets the few minutes pass before you raise your head with a smile. It's a smile she is well aware is forced: "Why don't we take a stroll outside then? I think Bailu would jump in joy if she sees me out of the room too."

HOUR 45

Fu Xuan realized how efficient you truly were whenever you didn't have to appease a touch starved general. A glance at the desk when she first arrived to drag you out showed her results of your hard work under 24 hours which was the finished and marked scrolls that was supposed to be sent to her - in addition to more "trivial" paperwork left behind at the Divine Foresight.

No wonder Marshal Hua was reluctant to let you go when Jing Yuan had first proposed to you.

And Fu Xuan will be damned to let said general also be your downfall.

So for the next 13 hours after that, you were somehow visited by numerous people who were in need of some minor help - that be the trailblazer looking immensely out of place as they asked you for some obvious facts about the luofu to Yanqing dragging you out to the training grounds to finally have a chance to spar with you again.

That girl really can't show concern in the normal way, can she?

A futile attempt to relieve your mind of endless worry - but an attempt nonetheless which makes a soft smile graze your lips. You sent a quick message to Qingzu to send a few Cloud Knights to guard the perimeter of the house before heading out the door once again.

If you knew the Cloud Knights well enough, they would already be running over - and sure enough you were greeted by enthusiastic greetings by them after merely taking a few steps away from the porch.

Fu Xuan merely gave you a deadpanned look when you arrived at the Divination Commission, "What, weren't you the one who wanted to distract me from worrying so much?" you asked with a grin.

"Yes, but I meant it in a way to relax your body and mind, not overwork yourself to exhaustion."

"Just humor me this once, Lady Fu."

Fu Xuan huffed, turned around while nagging at you. She didn't comment on the way you were clenching your fist so tightly that blood seeped out from where your fingernails were digging into your palm.

Love truly was a dangerous feeling.

HOUR 48

Jing Yuan felt like his whole body was underwater. It was hard to move, and even harder trying to open his eyes. There's a dull ache spreading through every vein in his body - a feeling he had gotten used to thanks to numerous battles, but with so many centuries of peace he was not liking how taxing it truly was.

Blinking his eyes open, he was met with an unfamiliar ceiling, but inside an environment that he was somewhat familiar with whenever he felt like skipping work.

Trying to heave himself up proved harder than normal, the man letting out a groan as he supported both hands on the bed to drag himself up to a sitting position.

He was covered in fresh bandages, so either Bailu or another attendant must've been inside a few hours before to change them. One look around the room gave him a rough idea on what has been going on.

It's been roughly 2 days since the battle with Phantylia, the new addition to the desk by the corner piled with scrolls and textbooks indicate that you've been by his side ever since he came back.

And lastly, although his whole body is hurting and moving even a muscle sends shockwaves of pain through his body, he was still very much alive.

"Bailu I've already been chased around for 13 hours to prevent from being inside there, I just want a break. No it's fine I don't need a bed I'll just sit by the balcony again - yes I'll call you if I need anything, don't worry. Really it's fine -" The fake cheer in your voice immediately stops up when you turn your head away from Bailu and into the room, but instead of being seen with the same scenery as you've gotten used to in the past 48 hours, you're staring straight into Jing Yuan's open eyes - the man himself only cocking his head to the side with a smile.

"Good afternoon, dear."

He can tell Bailu has already hightailed away to grab her things, which leaves him alone with you. You, who hasn't even moved a single muscle since locking eyes with him. Jing Yuan can see your mouth move in attempt to say something and that the hand on the door handle is trembling slightly.

"... What, you're not happy to see me?" he tries to joke, but the moment he sees your eyes flicker from surprise to anger he knew it was a bad joke to tell, "I'm sorry-"

"Sorry? You're sorry?!" you seethe through clenched teeth, still having enough rationality to not yell inside of a clinic of all things, even closing the door gently before marching into the room.

You don't even reach out to him, and Jing Yuan doesn't have the energy to reach out for you.

"You sure weren't sorry when you kept all of those plans to yourself and walked down that staircase with half a mind of not returning," you point out, and Jing Yuan can only give you the same easygoing smile he gave you that very same day.

"... Why? Why is at the most crucial moments that you want to do everything alone? Why won't you lean onto someone for once, why must you do everything in secrecy but at the same time be so open?" you question, every worry and fear just pouring and Jing Yuan let's you speak.

And even when his whole body hurts, he reaches out to gently grab your wrist to pull you down to sit by the bedside. He's aware that you could've easily stood your ground, because he's much too weak to actually force you to do anything.

And yet you're so pliant, sitting down close enough for him to wrap his arms around your waist and rest his head against your shoulder, "... 48 hours isn't a long time for our people," you breathe softly after a moment of silence, "But those 48 hours where you didn't even turn around one single time nor make a single movement? It was almost the worst 48 hours I've experienced so far."

"And I hate it, why have I let you reduce me to something so vulnerable and I can't do anything about it?! Why have you gone against everything you first promised to me?!" Your voice is gradually getting louder, but Jing Yuan doesn't comment on it.

"I'm sorry," he mutters again, and you only scoff, "You're not sorry, I know you're not. If something like this happened again I know you would do the exact same thing."

You know him too well, and that's what also scares him in the end.

Because if you weren't so high on emotions right now and just took a moment to think, you would realize that if you were in the same battlefield as him things would not go as smoothly - to either one of you.

It was better for him to be alone right then and there - because if Phantylia had even seen one weakness from him of all people it would've reduced the already slim chances of them winning that battle to zero.

If Phantylia had even decided to target you, he knew he wouldn't be able to keep his rationality inside - because you have him wrapped around your finger more than you realize.

Every regret and painful memory he has experienced have started to pale when he compares to every joyful moment you've given him. So if you were to perish in that fight for him and for the Xianzhou? Jing Yuan would've truly lost against the battle of time.

He's selfish, for once he wants to be selfish because he's chosen to not be in every waking moment of his life - so he wants to be selfish this once and rather take a gamble with his life than toy with yours.

"I'm sorry," he whispers once again, a hand reaching out to cup your cheek, the general chuckling when he feels a stray tear his his thumb. He leans back to watch you, a guilty look crossing his features at your slightly reddened eyes.

And yet you're glaring at him in anger, but Jing Yuan is so relieved that you're still there with him.

So he leans in with no hesitation, pecking the corner of your eyes while whispering that he's sorry after every peck, his thumb pushing down on your lower lip to stop you from biting your lips so harshly, "I truly am," he whispers, silencing the bubbling sobs coming from your lips with his own.

He is sorry. And he hates the thought of you hurting, because both of you had gone through enough. But he would rather that you go through 48 hours of pure torment for him than taking the risk of losing you completely.

His love for you is selfish like that, because if he wasn't selfish he would be too vulnerable.

[queen-of-the-avengers]

An Endless Cycle

Pairing: Mafia!Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2k

Warnings: relationship angst, bucky beating and shooting someone, heartbreak

Summary: Reality comes crashing into you like a freight train and you can't stop it. You're stuck in a cycle that you have no idea how to get out of. You love Bucky, but can you bend your morals to be with him? Is he worth the heartbreak? Are you?

Between Love and Hate Masterlist

Squares Filled: last times/farewells (2023) for @buckybarnesbingo

Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3

x

Italy had some bumps and bruises but you didn’t let that spoil your good time. Now that you’re back in the States, you’re reminded of your responsibilities like school. Bucky has been more lenient in letting you go to school without Sam or Steve with you since this is your safe space. He doesn’t want to do anything to strip you of this and he’s not going to start now.

“I’ll be back here at three to pick you up.”

“Okay.” You move to get out but Bucky stops you before you can. “What?”

“Get over there.”

Bucky pulls your upper body across the center console and kisses you. Butterflies explode in your stomach at the feel of his lips on yours. This is what you want every day to be like. Just you and Bucky in each other’s arms without the threat of danger to either of you.

“If you keep kissing me, I’m going to be late,” you mutter against his lips.

“Okay. I’m done.”

You pull away but lean in for one more kiss. You get out of the car with a grin before hurrying over to your first class of the day. Your fashion design class is the one you’re looking forward to the most, and Gio smiles when he sees you.

“Hey, you’re back.”

“Yeah. Gio, I am so sorry for bailing on the party. I did want to go.”

“Don’t worry about it. Are you doing okay?”

“Yeah. I went to Italy believe it or not.”

“With Bucky?”

You miss the sour tone in his voice.

“Yes. He can be an ass sometimes. Sorry for how he behaved last time.”

You don’t miss the sour look on Gio’s face.

“My dad knew Bucky.”

“Yeah? Through what?”

“Work.”

You’re not sure why but you don’t like the way he says that word. Work. Bucky kills people for work. That means dangerous people after a dangerous man. Instead of diving deeper into that like you know you should, you turn to the front of the class and pay attention to the professor.

“The partners you had for the last project will be your partners for this project. The first step in designing anything is the artwork of the clothes you want to sell. Both of you will come up with six designs. Make sure to include measurements, fabric style, design style, and who your audience is for the type of clothes. You’ll have the entire lab period to work on your designs. You may begin now.”

Gio is a better artist than you so he works on sketching the designs while you come up with everything else. The dress you two made was kind of your idea so you’ll let him have the say on each of the designs for this project. He doesn’t say much except for the occasional, “What color should this part be?” You’re not going to bother him on a topic you know is probably sensitive, so you don’t stick around at the end of class to talk to him.

You walk to the meeting point where Bucky is supposed to pick you up ten minutes before he says he is going to be here. He’s usually early but maybe there is traffic or he got caught up in something. You take a seat on a bench and open a game on your phone to pass the time. Ten minutes turn into twenty turn into forty and then into an hour. Bucky is never this late, and he didn’t bother to call you. You tried calling him three times but he didn’t answer you.

Looks like you’ll have to walk to the nearest bus station, not that you mind much. It’s weird Bucky didn’t reach out to you. While on your walk, you notice dark clouds rolling in. Can you get to the bus station before it starts to rain? No, but the hope was there. It’s not pouring down like you thought it would but it’s not a light drizzle either. You’re soaked to the bone by the time you reach the town where the bust station is. It’s already there letting passengers on but there is a car you recognize across the street from the station.

Bucky’s sleek black Maserati is parked in front of an older-looking apartment building that has clearly seen better days. You abandon your plan of using the bus and head across the street to his car. Why would he and his men be here? It’s fine if he’s busy and couldn’t pick you up, but to not even call you? That’s when it becomes a problem.

The building doesn’t have a working elevator so you have to climb three stories to get to the top. Most doors that lead into the apartments are locked until you get to the top floor. One of the doors is propped open and sounds of pain are coming from the inside. A man grunts in pain when someone punches him in the face. You can hear the sickening crack of his jaw. Your heart pounds in your chest at what you might see but you know you have to do this.

You peek through the small opening of the door and see a man tied to a chair in the middle of the room. Bucky’s men surround him with guns but they don’t use them. Bucky stands in front of him with his sleeves rolled to his elbows. Bucky pulls his fist back and slams it into the man’s face, causing blood and a tooth to spill from his mouth.

“Spune-mi cine este șeful tău!” Tell me who your fucking boss is! “Unde este lista?” Where is the list?

What list? What is going on? You can’t focus on anything but the way Bucky is being so brutal. You’re brought back to the night you left the first time, and your heart breaks all over again. How can he be so gentle with you but so brutal to everyone else?

“I don’t know,” the man pants. “Please, don’t do this. I have a family.”

Bucky doesn’t hear him. He beats him twice more before taking out a gun and shooting the man in the face. You gasp so loudly that Bucky and his men turn to face you. The look in Bucky’s eyes softens once they see the tears in yours. You can’t keep doing this. You’re stuck in an endless cycle that you can’t seem to escape from.

“Y/N…”

You turn and quickly run back down the stairs. Bucky shouts from above but you’re focused on getting the hell out of here. You’re not a track star or anything but once you start running, you can’t seem to stop. Bucky’s place isn’t far from town since he likes everything to be close to where he lives. You could take the bus but then he might make it home before you do. You could call an Uber but he’d definitely beat you back home. Instead, you run. Your legs feel like they are going to fall off, your lungs burn, and your heart pumps fast but you don’t stop running until you’re back at Bucky’s mansion.

You throw open your bedroom door and stumble inside while panting. You grab a backpack and start throwing shit into it. You should have never gotten caught in the first place. This time, you’ll make sure to disappear for good no matter how much it breaks you to do it. Bucky barges through the front door seconds later and races up the stairs two at a time.

Fuck it. You’ll get all new shit somewhere else. You zip up your backpack and run into the hallway where you run into Bucky’s chest. You shove him away and step around him but he grabs at your elbow to stop you.

“Y/N, wait!”

“I can’t do this anymore,” you cry and yank your elbow away from him. “I can’t be with you knowing you’re out there hurting people like that.”

“This is what I do, Y/N. I am the boss of my mafia. Killing people is how I send a message.”

You flinch not only from his words but his tone. He sighs after realizing the effect his words have on you.

“That man had a family. That man was someone’s father, husband, and son. You just took him from them without blinking.”

“That man had a list of my people his mafia plans to kill one by one. He had intel on everyone on my team. I had to kill him first.”

You sniffle and wipe the tears from your eyes.

“What if it had been you who were tied up? What fi it was your life on the line? What then?”

Bucky walks closer to you with a look made of steel. His voice is cold as ice.

“I am no one’s father, I’m no one’s son, and I’m definitely no one’s husband. You make sure of that,” he glares.

You look up at him as two tears roll down your cheeks.

“And if it had been me who was taken?”

“Don’t.” Bucky immediately cuts you off with such coldness like you’ve never seen before. You scoff and turn to leave but he’s not done with this conversation. “Doll, I am in this life whether you like it or not. I can’t leave it.”

“But I can.” You turn back to him. “I love picking flowers and going to animal shelters just to play with the dogs and cats. If I pass by a baby and a mother in the park, I have to stop just to make the baby laugh. I even stopped traffic once just to help a mother duck and her babies cross the road so they wouldn’t get hit. How do you expect me to react to you brutally killing someone?”

“You were never supposed to see that.”

“Maybe if you answered your damn phone, you might have told me to go straight home! You left me waiting an hour for you at school!”

“I’m sorry,” he sighs.

“Yeah, well, I am, too. I’m going home. My home.”

You turn to leave and see a flash of lightning in the distance followed by thunder. Rain pours down outside, hitting fat drops on the window.

“So, what does this mean for us?”

His words stop you. You can’t look at him or else you’ll break down in tears and never stop crying.

“Are you going to stop hurting people?” He can’t answer because he can’t lie to you. “I have no choice but to leave.”

“Y/N--”

You turn to face Bucky with tears rolling down your face. It kills him to see you in such pain but what can he do? He can’t ever leave this life. He’s in too deep.

“It hurts so much to love you. It hurts knowing you’re doing that when I’m home wishing you were with me instead. It hurts so fucking much, and I can’t do it anymore. I refuse to make myself less than to be by your side.

“Please don’t go.”

Bucky steps closer to you. Lightning strikes again lighting up the dark hallway. You can see pain across Bucky’s face but you need to do this for you.

“Do you love me?”

“You know I do.”

“Would you do anything for me?”

“Yes.”

“Then let me go,” you sob.

“Everything I do is for you!” Bucky yells which makes you flinch but you stand your ground. “Everything I’ve accomplished is for you!”

“Being with you hurts,” you cry. “I can’t give you what you need. You’re not enough anymore. I want more than what you can offer me. I can’t be in love with a murderer.”

Bucky can see how much pain he’s putting you through. How can he claim to love you if he’s hurting you at the same time? Bucky stands up straighter and every bit of emotion is wiped from his face.

“Steve will take you home. I’ll have him bring the rest of your things later.”

With that, he turns and leaves you alone in the dark hallway. You must not be enough for him either because he just walked away like it was the easiest fucking decision ever.

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[crazycurly-77]

Hey, Ms. Secret Service! - Chapter 1 

Working at the NCIS as a pilot you met a bunch of strange and slightly crazy people. 

Tim was unfortunately shy, but so cute! Since he was the probie in Team Gibbs he was pranked by his teammates Tony and Kate very often. 

Tony was very good looking and a womanizer, but in all honesty, he didn't get as many women as the teamleader Gibbs.

That one was a silver fox, which talks rarely, but had a quick mind and very fascinating ice blue eyes. 

A woman was a member of the team, too. Her name was Kate and she always seemed to have to prove herself. At every opportunity she tells the people that she was approved yankee white and was handpicked to protect the president in the secret service. Oh, man. 

She could be nice, if she wanted. But most of the time she bickered with Tony and was a little bit arrogant, as if she was the best of the best. To that you only rolled with your eyes. 

Yes, she protected the president, but the others were really good, too. 

And you? You were just a trained pilot who flew several missions since you completed your pilot training. Your duty was to fly the people in a dangerous place or to fly them out of there. Okay, you had just done that multiple times, but that's your job. No need to get pretentious. 

In this point you were like Gibbs. Nothing goes without coffee and you had completed numerous commitments, but you didn't spoke of them. 

So you continue to observe the team, roll occasionally with your eyes and think your part. 

One day Kate was particularly bitchy. And she was once again going on about “I was handpicked to protect the president” and looked at you as if you were a bug under her shoes. 

Gibbs seemed to like her, so you tried to keep your calm. But every person has a point of no return and explodes. 

So you just looked up at her and said coolly “that's nice. But I don't want to be yankee white. I'm only here to fly your asses out of dangerous situations and that's enough for me.”

“You are very self-confident yourself!” she immediately argued. To that you narrowed your eyes and answered “yes. Yes I am self-confident. Because if I am not self-confident up there, I am dead. And with me my possible passengers.”

With that you sipped from your coffee, turned and walked back to your desk. Leaving Kate standing behind you and gaping at you like a fish. Nobody said a word and there was a lot of tension in the air. 

Gibbs stood slowly at his desk and looked at you both “any problems?” You both answered “no” shaking your heads, so he said “good” and sat back in his chair again.

An hour later you packed your things. Seeing that, Tim asked “Y/N, where are you going?”

“Flight Training. Today with an airplane, because the helicopter needs to be repaired. You wanna come with me?” you answered. 

He considered “yeah, I would very much like to go and watch.”

Turning to Gibbs he asked “Boss?” 

Gibbs looked up considering the question and said “good idea, McGee. Since we have no case to solve at the moment, we are all going to watch. Tim, get the truck. Y/N, you with me. Let's go.”

With that he threw the keys to Tim, got his own keys, gun and badge and walked towards the elevator with everyone running behind and following him. And so you all headed to the airport. 

The drive to get there was mainly silent as it was always with Gibbs. But just as you pondered why you had to drive with him in the car and how it had come that now the whole team was watching you, he said “what are you training today?” 

Surprised you answered “landing with a standing engine and getting out of a spin. Haven't trained this for 3 months.”

“What plane are you flying?” 

“Today a Cessna T206H a very reliable and flexible bush plane - it's one of my favorites.” 

To that he only nodded and then you were on the airport, exiting the car and walking to the others.

But before you could say anything you heard “hey, Y/N! You ready to crash and burn?” You were greeted laughingly from your former flight trainer and now friend, who was patting you on your back. 

“Hey John! Of course! I'm as ready as one can be” you greeted back. 

“I'm taking Sally today. Is she ready to fly?”

“Yeah, you can directly start with the pre-flight check and then start.”

“That's good. You know she's the best next to the little sheep” you nodded. 

“Yeah, I know you love them both” he laughed. 

Then you took a look at your colleagues who were standing nearby and asked him “Look, since the weather conditions are really good today…think it's safe to take passengers with me for the adventure?”

John looked at Kate, Tim, Tony and Gibbs and began laughing out loud “these greenhorns? They don't look like they know what awaits them. But yeah, no problem. But make sure that they will clean the plane, when they puke because of fear.” The two of you were laughing madly. 

“Okay, see you for the instructions” 

“Yeah, I'm coming”

Then you turned to Tim, Tony and Kate looking shocked towards you and said shrugging your shoulders “what? That's normal training. You have to train this so that you know what to do, if the worst case happens.”

Gibbs only narrowed his eyes “you sure of what you do?” 

“Yes. I've done this multiple times. Sure, there is always the possibility to really crash and burn, but when you are thinking about that, you should not fly” you stated. 

Looking to Kate you smirked devilish “hey, Ms. Secret Service. Already crashed today?” 

She only blanched horrified…. 

(To be continued...)

---------------------------------------

Here you will find the other chapters of this story and the other stories I've written to date.

-----------------------------------------

[i-writes-things]

Bring You're Kid To Work Day Maria Hill Edition

Maria Hill x (15 year old) daughter!reader

Request:

Warnings-NOne, fluff, a sugar rush, giggles, protests, whining.

Extra Pairings:

Avengers x Hill!reader

Not my Gif*

Steve walked in with a plate of cookies. COOKIES! Maria swiped them from Steve, hoping to hid them from-

"COOKIES" Y/n, Maria's 15 year old daughter shouted from her spot on the ground.

"Oh god." Maria picked her head up, smiling at her little girl. "Yes, my friend Steve brought them for-" She looked at Steve.

"B-both of you guys." He smiled at Y/n.

"Oh my gosh, I have wanted cookies since last week." Y/n shot her mom a quick glance.

"I told you I looked down that aisle four times. How am I suppose to know they are behind a big box of healthy snacks."

"It's their tactic to keep us on a diet. But I've told you about this before."

"Okay, well I can't remember everything. You know that." Taking a cookie and going back to her seat, Y/n says,

"Well you should." And to make sure her mother doesn't hear she adds a quick, "Thanks Steve."

"You're welcome." Steve gives Maria a nod before ducking out and almost instantly someone else walks right back in.

"There she is! The infamous Y/n Hill. If only Maria told us she had a kid. Maybe you'd be an Avenger by now."

"Really?"

"No." Maria butts in, giving Tony Stark a look. "I think Fury needs you, he is on the other end of the hall." She points down the way. Tony hands Y/n a crusty popsicle that he probably found on the ground and leaves the room. Maria walks over and hands her daughter a cookie in exchange for the lolly. She throws it away, despite Y/n's protests. "No, you're not eating that thing. It's not even food."

"Mooooooom!" Y/n huffs.

"Hey, no whining, come on, we're in public. And you're a big girl." Y/n pouts at Maria. "My big girl." She ruffles your hair. Y/n takes another cookie and walked out the door and down the hall. Maria listens from her desk. She hears people greet her and her daughter's laughter as she traveled down the hallway. Hearing Tony again, and Monica, Carol, Wanda, even Vision's, offering her a brownie. And Maria knew bringing her kid to work was gonna be more mothering than work as Y/n walked in with a plate of cookies, a smile and Vision with Wanda on his heels. Come to say hi.

"Hi!" Wanda cheers!

"Mom look what I found!" She showed her mom the plate, offering her one. Which she declines, seeing the chocolate smeared on Y/n's face. She goes to wipe it off, which Y/n avoids, scrunching her face.

"Okay, I have to be at training, 3 minutes ago. She kisses Vision on the cheek and gives Maria and her daughter a smile as she exits.

"I shall be on my way too. Good to see you, Miss Hill." Vision waves good bye to you and your mom.

Over the next few hours it seems you just started to bounce off the walls after finishing BOTH the brownies and cookie plates. With Maria's help, but mostly your own.

"Mommomomomomomomomom-"

"Babe." She held one hand out to you, the other trying to hold herself together. "Please. If you don't specifically need me, don't call my name."

"Mom?" Maria took a breath.

"Yes?"

"I don't know I just wanted to say your name"

"That's-" You were now running down the hall saying, as it echoed across the walls,

"Look mom nooo haaaaands!" Running with your arms flailing about behind you. Giggling you ran back into her office running around to jump into her chair, trying to, but fitting awkwardly in her lap. Maria just let you go, knowing you would crash soon enough. And 30 minutes later you were asleep on the ground. Thor had come in to gift you surprise birthday cake flavored pop tarts but you asleep. So he left. Maria wasn't even able to greet him before he was marching back down the hall. He came back in, gently putting a small blanket on your back. Maria smiled. She finally felt how the rest of her colleagues did. She realized that they were all just big family. And they all love Y/n just like she does.

After Thor left again, Maria took a photo of her sleeping baby. She smiled and watched her sleep peacefully. Turning out the lights she left to go talk with her family right down the way.

🏷️

@ravensinthedaylight @may-z3@youre-a-total--poser

[hyperfixiation-station]

Lighter Pt.2

Ask and ye shall receive :))

TW: Blood, death, angst

Part 1

Part 3

You feel a sense of disconnect, being able to see your own body. It had been that way since you slipped into a coma on the evac. Just you, your body, and the voices.

There are voices, almost uninterpretable, that call to you from beyond the veil. You do not hear the words they say, but you recognize them. They belong to your mother, to your best friend, to a fellow soldier, to all people who have died under your care. They want you to join them, but the voices are faint and do not sway you. Instead, you tether yourself to the man sitting by your bedside. For 12 short hours, he kept you tethered to the mortal plane. And then there was a tightness in your chest and the tether snapped. 

It had been an interesting experience. In surgery, you had flatlined 3 times, but each time it felt like there was a tether holding you to your body, keeping you from following the voices.  But later, in the ICU with Ghost by your side, you felt the tether disappear. There was a sudden tightness, the first sensation you’d felt since slipping into the coma, and then the tether just snapped. You felt yourself fading, the voices growing louder and louder and louder. Your body tingled and you stretched out a hand, reaching for the voices, wanting to end the discomfort and just go. 

But then there was a spark, and you felt as though someone dumped a bucket of cold water over your skin. The voices faded, and you came back to yourself, tethered once more.

“Their heart gave out.” The doctors said, “The combined stress from blood loss and shock sent them into organ failure.”  You had watched in sick fascination as you were placed on life support, a machine keeping your heart beating and lungs breathing. For the past 3 days you had sat with Ghost, watching your chest rise and fall and rise and fall in a rhythmic motion.

“Listen, Y/N. I’m not- I’m not big on…on words.” He shifted slightly, “but the doctor said talking is supposed to help you. I don’t bloody know how, but I said I would give it a try. I-” He paused, fidgeting with his gloves, “-I don’t-” He paused again, thinking, “-I’m sorry.” He finally managed to get out. 

“About everything. You should never have been on the bloody mission, but when Price said we were working with another team, I jumped at the chance to work with you.” He paused, taking a steadying breath, “Which is stupid, considering I haven’t been able to say ‘I love you’ to your face.” 

“And I’m sorry for that too. I’m sorry that I never say ‘I love you’, that I’m never affectionate in public, that I don’t compliment you like I should. I'm sorry that I’m such a fucking bastard all the time.” Now that he’s started  talking, it's almost like he can’t stop. It feels like you are watching a train that you know is going to crash, and you can’t stop it, but you can’t look away either. 

“I’m sor-” His breath catches, “I’m sorry that I wasn’t paying attention. I’m sorry that you got shot. I’m sorry, I…I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry. I swear, I swear, if you wake up, I will spend every waking moment making it up to you. I will do whatever you want just-” He pauses, hands trembling, “-just please wake up.” 

“Please don’t.” You whisper, “Please don’t do this to yourself.” You wrap your spectral arms around him, nestling your chin on his head, trying to provide comfort that neither of you can feel.

He hasn’t left your bedside in 5 days, despite urging from Soap, Price, and even Gaz.

“I’m not leaving them alone. What if their heart gives out for good and I’m not there?” Had been his response every time someone tried to get him to leave. The doctors had only made his stubbornness worse. 

“If they can’t breathe on their own, then there is no hope of recovery. We are going to take them off the ventilator tomorrow and put them on a cannula, but if their lungs can inflate on their own, we may have to pull the plug.” The doctor had told Ghost yesterday, face full of sympathy. So now you stood by your bedside, hand on Ghost's back, watching the nurses take you off the ventilator.

It is equal parts disgusting and fascinating, watching them pull the tube from your throat. Disgusting, because they were pulling a tube from your throat, and fascinating, because, well, there was a tube being pulled from your throat. 

Almost immediately the tightness is back, squeezing like a vice. It is different this time. The world around you fades, and the voices come back, soft and inviting.  

“Come home.” The whisper to you.

Breathe, c’mon you can do this

“We miss you.” 

Please Y/N

The air is warm and comfortable, the scent of your childhood home filing the room.

Breathe please, I’m begging you dove

“Come ooooon Y/N!” The voice of your best friend echoes in your ears, drowning out the rest of the world. You reach for him, wanting to join, but something stops you. 

BREATHE Y/N

“It's not your time.” Your teammate whispers to you, her hand pushing you back to safety, just like she did the night she died. There is one high-pitched, steady beep in the back of your mind. 

Please, Y/N Please!

“Go back.” She says. She shoves you harder and suddenly you are back in the hospital. Ghost is crying, actually crying, and the nurses and doctors are frantically trying to get you to breathe. Your heart monitor is one long, steady line. 

“Go back.” She says again to you. She shoves you one more time and everything goes dark. 

[everythingisliminal]

Day 20 of 75 Hard

When I complete today, it'll be the furthest I've ever been in this challenge (made it through day 10 then day 19 in 2021).

The journey so far:

Two 45+ minute workouts, 3+ hours apart, at least one of which must be outside. Because I work 10 hour days in wetland restoration navigating mucky, watery, and steep terrain with ~40lbs on my back, I count those 4 workdays as my outdoor workout. Yes it's already part of my routine, but I wasn't going to not do this challenge just because I'm not fitting another workout in before work.

My other outdoor workouts are all walking and/or running around the neighborhood or on trails. My indoor workouts are push, pull, and indoor cycling days with my buddy, bowling with my husband, and following walk/dance/box/lift/yoga vids at home.

Saturdays are wild because I need to get a walk/run in, then go straight to cycling, and then 3 hours later bowl bc my afternoons are booked and I have to get that outdoor workout in but 3 hours away from another workout. Making it work, though!

I did put together an idealized workout schedule to train for the 5 mile trail run my buddy and I signed up for 2 weekends after we complete 75 Hard. Already had to adjust because I twisted my ankle yesterday, so I used that opportunity to try Qigong (followed by 45 min yoga). We'll see if I should stick with walking today or if I can throw in a few 3-4 minute runs.

Honestly, the toughest part of this rule is the scheduling and getting started. I really enjoy the physical activity when I'm in the flow of it.

Take a progress picture. This has been beneficial for me in a way I couldn't predict. The mirror has always surprised me, like "oh, that's what I look like?" It always shows me as curvier, less athletic than I picture myself. Might stem from a grey area of body dysmorphia and gender dysphoria. It's one of the things I'm talking with my therapist about.

But now that I'm taking a picture of my body every day, I'm realizing that what I'm seeing in the mirror looks better than what I'm seeing in the photo, giving an element of valuing what I see in the mirror. Like, I can more positively accept that that's me. So that's cool.

10 pages of reading a "think about your life" nonfiction book. I read The Book on Mental Toughness, which the creator of 75 Hard wrote. 3 of 5 stars. I might write an extended review, but a lot of the book was like watching a car crash. Yeah, the author's mentally tough, but he's not very well read sociologically. It'll be a tougher read for anyone who's nonbinary, living with intergenerational trauma, or can't stand editing/formatting issues. But there was some insightful info about 75 Hard and the continued LIVEHARD program, and I really benefited from the chapter on drinking water.

Currently reading Weave the Liminal: Living Modern Traditional Witchcraft, which I'm fully enjoying.

Books I'm considering reading next are Rest is Resistance: Free Yourself from Grind Culture and Reclaim Your Life / How to Make Friends & Influence People / The Meditations of Marcus Aurelius / Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good / and Keeping It Living: Traditions of Plant Use and Cultivation on the Northwest Coast of North America.

If anyone has a recommendation for books on Inanna, Ishtar, Astarte, or Aphrodite/Aphroditus, I'm looking to learn more about their part in trans history.

Drink 1 gallon of water. I have to stick with a 90oz goal. I've tried multiple times in the past to drink a gallon a day and always wound up with a horribly sore throat after a few days. Last time, it made me sick for 2 weeks. So 90oz of unflavored water is definitely way more than I'd drink normally (32oz on a good day) but without dipping back into unhealthy territory. There are some days that I can drink more (allowing me to get in some Gatorade, preworkout, or BCAAs), but I also have a steady supply of good cough drops at hand.

I try to get in 32oz before lunch, another 32oz by 5pm, and 26oz+ before sleepy time.

Follow a diet. No cheat meals or alcohol. I'm focused on getting 100+ grams of protein a day (macro balancing and calorie deficit are secondary but seem to be happening naturally). I've also cut out chocolate (this is how I know I mean business), sugary drinks, gluten, and microwavable mac n' cheese type meals.

This is really forcing me to get my act together when it comes to planning/prepping. No more going to the coffee stand for a burrito and red bull before work. I have to either cook breakfast or nom on a protein bar. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and at least 2 snacks all have to be protein-centric for me to meet my goal. It's wild to think of how little protein I must have been getting. But now I'm full, and then I'm hungry! There's no middle ground of kinda-hungry filled with chips and milk teas. All this meal prepping and forcing myself to eat well for 75 days will probably be one of the most beneficial things I've ever done for myself.

Tangentially, cutting out chocolate meant cutting out my herbal calm chocolate supplements I always had at night to help myself wind down. Now I have to get off my phone earlier and stretch/meditate/read to get myself prepped for bed. It's good stuff.

Also, I don't drink alcohol, so there's no challenge for me there.

Overall: I'm so glad I'm doing this. This is helping me live my life the way I actually want to live it. I'm developing daily discipline and gaining insights into myself. I've lost 6lbs, my clothes fit better, and I can navigate terrain more easily. I'm enjoying trails in my free time. I was wishy-washy about my goals when I tried 75 Soft a couple months ago, and so didn't stick with them. With 75 Hard, my commitment is unquestionable. This is what my life looks like for the next 56 days. Afterward, I'll take what I like and ditch anything I don't.

If you're considering 75 Hard yourself, do make a game plan. Figure out what your diet is going to be and shop for it. Know how you'll track your water. Schedule a week or two of workouts that help you fulfill a goal (finding out what's fun for you, increasing strength/flexibility/speed, getting outside, hanging out with someone, whatever). Get a book. Give yourself this Day 0 to set yourself up for success.

Then START :D

[pareidoliaonthemove]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last ten people however many you want who reblogged something from you! Get to know your mutuals & followers!! <3

@astranite Sorry this took so long to get to, but this required an actual keyboard to answer, and some thought.

So here, in no particular order, is five things that make me happy:

1 Coffee. I'll put my hand up and admit that, yes, it is an addiction, but it also, genuinely makes me happy. One of my favourite things in the world is spending a morning curled up on the lounge in my pjs and blankets, reading with a coffee, or two, or three ...

2 Reading. I love the written word. I'm not terribly fussy, and read fiction and non fiction equally. I am known at the local library, and book stores. Ebooks are practical, but paper is better. If you get it, you get it, don't ask me explain why it is. Also: All Hail FanFiction Writers! You're saving both my sanity and my bank account!

3 Learning. Probably sounds lame, but I love learning new things, and again, I'm not all that fussy. It's rarely formal education. I favour reading on a subject, and have been known to randomly email strangers to ask questions. Sometimes I even get an answer. At the moment, it's 'human factors' and railway engineering, because I've been going through the reports on train crashes for work, and want to make sure I'm understanding what they're saying. Who knows what it'll be next?

4 Making things. Embroidery, jewellery, knitting, woodwork, sewing, whatever it is that takes my fancy. Busy hands is happy hands. Being good isn't required. Doing is. (Housework isn't making things. Housework does not make me happy.)

5 And this one was hard, but: My Job. Don't get me wrong, most days I'll bitch and whine and moan and complain. Too hot, too cold, too wet, too much dust, flies, stupid hours, long hours, stupid people, creepy gunzels. But ... I drive TRAINS. And that is cool. And every so often, I get a reminder of that fact. People waving at you, the sheer delight when you blow the whistle for them. The way total strangers eyes light up when you're talking and they ask what your job is. Yeah, I love my job.

Thanks for the opportunity to talk about these things!

[sweetlikesunflowersandhoney]

8 for any ship you want that has jan in it (in honor of jan’s birthday :D) please <3

The way it didn't cross my mind that if I reblogged a prompt list I would receive prompts... I may be stupid slkjkls

Happy Jan day! This is set in the Jankie parenthood au, after Jaida goes to Paris after Nicky.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Jackie still remembers a time in which her house was a calm and quiet space, where she could read for hours without interruption. These days, however...

“Mail’s here! The mail is here!” comes Jan’s excited yelling, followed by the front door being slammed shut.

Jackie hastens to mark the last page of her book and leaves it on the table just a second before Jan jumps on the couch and crashes heavily into her side.

“Oof,” Jackie complains, though she still opens her arms so Jan can settle between them. It’s automatic at this point. “How bad is the water bill?””

“Bad, probably. Kids! The mail is here!”

Two sets of steps rush down the hallway, and soon enough Gigi and Crystal are jumping around them, chanting mail! Mail! Mail! Mail! 

A much more languid set of steps joins them from the kitchen. Lemon leans over the back of the couch and rests her chin on Jackie’s shoulder to watch her sister toss envelope after envelope on the coffee table. Jackie does not miss the days where Lemon still acted like an angry shelter cat around her, not at all, but between how Jan uses her as a chair, how Priyanka can’t talk to her without grabbing her arm, the general cuddly-ness of the sisters and the way this has all rubbed off on Gigi, Jackie has started to forget what personal space feels like.

And yet, she still has room to miss Jaida’s hugs, and Nicky’s cheek kisses. Jackie is sure that that’s why Lemon is so touchy with her lately, and why she spends so much time at their place. The apartment must be lonely without Jaida.

“Got it!” Jan finally says, holding up a postcard triumphantly.

The postcard has a pretty drawing of the Bois de Boulogne, full of people in vintage clothing and pink flowers. Jan flips it over and finds her sister’s slanted handwriting in red:

Vous nous manquez tous beaucoup!

“Did Jaida write that? Her French is getting better.”

“I would hope so, she’s been there for two weeks,” Jan says, with only the smallest hint of sadness in her voice. Jackie still kisses her head. “She’s been touristing around during Nicky’s work hours and getting lost all over Paris. But now she knows how to say please, thank you, ‘how much’ and ‘where train?’”

“What does that say?” Crystal asks, climbing Jan’s lap to see better.

“It says ‘We miss you all so much’.”

“Aunt Jaida sent it?” Gigi asks from under her mom’s other arm.

“Yes, and Nicky too, probably.”

“They miss us?”

“Yes, baby.”

“They should come back, then.”

Jackie sighs. Gigi has always been a pragmatic kid.

“Well, aunt Nicky’s job is in Paris. That’s why she moved there, remember?”

“But she has a job here.”

“Right, but her job in Paris is better.”

Gigi frowns, takes this information in.

“But we are here.”

Jan rubs Gigi’s back and gives them a sad smile, but lets Jackie handle that one.

“That’s true. And I think that, right now, aunt Nicky is having to think really hard about that. Because we’re very important to her, but the new job is also very important to her.”

They watch Gigi and Crystal process the new concept of wanting mutually exclusive things, which is hard to accept even as an adult. Crystal gets there first, and concludes with a simple smile:

“I wish they would come back.”

“Me too, honey,” Jan tells her as she hugs her closer.

“Gimme that,” Lemon says, sick of the sappiness. She grabs the postcard from Jan’s hand and goes to find a place for it on the fridge.

The kids go back to play after that, and Jan decides to lay her head on Jackie’s lap while she texts Jaida about the postcard. Lemon curls up on the other corner of the couch to scroll her phone, and Jackie is free to go back to her book.

Mostly free. Jan butts Jackie’s hand with her head until she gets her hair played with, and after a while, Lemon leans into them so much that Jackie loses mobility of that arm.

She wouldn’t have it any other way.

[weirdcat1213]

trigun bookclub time :D volume 2 thoughts

chap 00.1

-vash's method of meditation is the only one that's valid in my eyes/j

-3 seconds of meditating vs 3 hours of training...huh...i wonder...why is that...and what...that says about him...

-hes bad at chess hes like me fr fr

-yey we love a day without casualties :D

chap 00.2

-the bit about us taking shelter on technology but still not knowing what the future holds...yeah that feels timeless now huh

-vash don't go there! oh no he has earbuds he cant hear me (that would literally happen to me tho)

-i love that panel where no one says anything after the girl is like "yeah i can give you pocket money." nice representation of the irritation people feel towards that kind of people. they arent mad just really tired of that bs

-oh man thats actually pretty horrible (page 23)

-"and i think of nothing but love and peace" besides that we know your head is empty but we love you so its ok

-yeah vash show her the real world

-interesting that he makes her see the chance of her dad dying (he didnt know what was gonna happen) which makes sense cuz she cant run from the truth anymore but its also interesting cuz if we was able to not see it he would. he hates seeing people dying and yet he watches and makes others watch. i dont think its about "if i have to, you have to as well" but more about her seeing the consequences of violence (what her father did) and the cycle of hate so she doesnt repeat it. idk.

chap 1

-rem coming out of his coat....hm....

-weird man coming

-YEAH SEND HIM TO HELL >:D

-if rem is holding him back you say...hmmm...i will go back to that later

-well thats creepy

chap 2

-my boi is in jail nooooooooooooo

-you can feel the size of the ship with one panel nightow is ridiculously talented when creating big spaces, like the sandsteamer shot in the last volume

-..... :c

-my babygirl :c

-i like he started the flashback angry as hell and then it turned into sadness cuz even if he makes knives pay nothing will bring rem back

-also the literal ship crashing into his memories what if I [redacted]

-SEE LOOK AT THAT SHIT! SPACE FEELS MASSIVE AND ITS LITERALLY JUST THE PLANET AND THE SHIP

-aaaand hes angry as hell again cuz the memory finished with knives. interesting

-dont look at me with those kind eyes, we saw you

-YEY ITS DIABLO TIME :D go get em

chap 3

-aw cmon :c

-and there goes the arm

-hey >:[ dont call my girl milly an idiot

-ugh you can feel how fucking stressed out he is ahhhhhhhhh

-ah yes, we love seeing how right knives is...

-huh, i wonder if knives is smiling cuz before he was like "nah she was stupid like the rest" but since she got to correct the ships's trajectory he got a bit of respect for her in the end

-is monev vs vash supposed to be like david and goliath? hm

-my god thats fucking beautiful

-also i dont think thats a ghost but maybe like her presence? like vash is remembering her and her kindness

-AH I HATE THAT I HATE THAT. THE CHAPTER IS CALLED FRAGILE, ENDS UP WITH VASH CRYING AND THE "rem" IS SO LITTLE THAT IS ONLY MEANT FOR US AND VASH TO BE AWARE OF IT WHAT IF I CRIED A RIVER AHHHHHH

chap 4

-oh meryl...oh honey...sweetie...

-the scars appear :D yey :D

-meryl is kinda asking him "arent you tired of being nice dont you want to go apeshit" but not really and i like that

-yknow what meryl is right pls go away and live a quiet life pls, ik whats coming but just thinking about it....

-yee ik the reason why but still >:v

-oh....oh i actually forgot about that...oh

-"rem didnt sacrifice her life for a world like that" im tearing up actually and idk why...its been a hard week

-lmao hes so mad at vash

-yeah hunt him down babygirl >:D

chap 5

-....metal >:D

-they deserved it btw

-huh thats actually kinda nice of him i forgot

-ofc he would blame vash for that, then again vash makes all of us at least a little bit soft i think

chap 6

-i love you vash that takes his sweet time to process traumatic situations, yes that was scary

-vash saying "im the deathwish" means a lot to me as an mcr fan lmao. i will think more about that later tho

-HES HEREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

-YES YOU ARE A PRIEST OMG WHY AM I THIS EXCITED

-THEY MEET, OMG THEY ARE MEETING! AMAZING!

-STOP BLUSHING BRO LIKE AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

-WHY ARE YOU TOUCHING HIS CHIN LIKE THAT YO

-"go home or go to hell" oh im getting that on a tattoo one day actually, so metal

-...cmon, me me big boi

-THAT SMILE, THAT DAMN SMILE im gonna jump off my local cliff

-vash in the beginning saying he can read people and then wolfwood comes and READS HIM LIKE ITS NOTHING

chap 7

-"is that a friend of yours" he looks so offended lmao

-ahhhh that must be so scary, he already has knives to worry about but the fact not everyone can see legato makes his job harder ahhhhh

-bye baby ily (hes my son that i only share with a couple of other ww enjoyers)

-CAN YOU STOP BEING GAY FOR 2 MINUTES

-OH THAT PANEL IS SO GOOD (also even more princess coded, like looking at really from a castle idk)

-GUYS GUYS MY WIFE IS HERE

-i keep forgetting hes missing his little arm :c

-lmao wolfwood is right, i wouldnt go to a church all the way there :b

-yeah and shes hot while teleporting all over the place

-ok but shes really fucking cool, despite wanting to kill my comfort character, yknow how these things go

-OHOHOHOO THAT PANEL WITH VASH FOCUSING IS AMAZING

-YESSSSS, SO METALLLLL

chap 8

-aaaand...there goes my wife

-ahhhhhh he looks so little :c

-OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HES COMING, HES NEAR

-idk ww :c idk when will it end

-OH WOW OH SHIT I FORGOT ABOUT THAT

-yeah right i dont like this part :b (its not bad just personal stuff)

-ok he do be looking pretty tho, i wonder if its a family thing

-YEAH MERYL SMACK THAT MF

-im a ball of rugged paper and my feelings are nothing...thanks nightow ily

-oh wait...he actually thought that was the end...thats so fucking smart nightow...wow i never considered that....

-aw babygirl :c but i cant even imagine how that must feel, how much hate he feels towards knives rn

-i think besides the "he called me by my name" meryl and milly let him go cuz they just felt he was going to matter what, like you can feel vash and his unstoppable energy on those pages

-oh hes so fucking pretty

-WAIT I NEVER NOTICED THAT BUT YEAH THAT WAS ON STAMPEDE EP 3 HOLY FUCK, THEY SAID THE SAME THING

-knives just fucking reads vash like an open book its incredible and it makes me so sad cuz vash cant escape, he cant hide nothing, not in front of knives

-he cant be knives without the good old gaslighting >:D

-the yelling throughout the page is amazing

-vash is crying noooooooooooooooo :c

-NO. STAY AWAY FROM ME, EVIL PANEL THAT HAUNTS MY DREAMS

-also :c

-im not too sure of what happened with his legs but ok sure

-im afraid my babygirl cant give you an answer ww, i dont think he knows

-.....why is the world so mean to him :c

[umichenginabroad]

Week 3: For Real this Time

Hello, hello! Declan McGrath is back to update you all on what has happened in the third work of the UCD Summer Physics program (yes I did accidentally label my last post ‘Week 3’ when it was actually only the second week of the program but we’re just gonna ignore that).

It has been an interesting week so far! We started off the week on Monday with some more physics as usual. However, after our lectures wrapped up for the day, the program took a trip to the historic Kilmainham Gaol. This gaol is where many of the leaders of the 1916 Easter Rising were held before their executions. It was a pretty fascinating historic site as we got to see the same cells where these leaders were held and where they were executed as well. We also got to see a restored painting of Mary and Child that was done by Grace Plunket, a cartoonist and wife of one of the Easter Rising leaders, Joseph Plunkett. Grace and Joseph were married in the gaol just hours before Joseph’s execution. After the marriage was finalized, the couple was granted just ten minutes together while watched over by soldiers who literally counted down the seconds aloud they had together. 

On a bit more of a happy note, later that night UCD hosted a trip to the coast of Dublin to see and jump off of the 40 Foot! The 40 Foot is a famous Irish swimming spot that has been used for over 250 years. My group of friends and I decided to get to the 40 Foot before the rest of the program as there were so many people going we knew that we could not all fit on one bus. What this decision led us to was us sprinting between multiple bus and train stops, just barely catching the necessary transportation. We just barely managed to catch the last train we needed and got to the 40 Foot almost an hour before the rest of the group did. We spent the time walking along the shore and taking pictures of the beautiful scenery around us.

It was honestly not the greatest weather for swimming. We had all walked to the 40 Foot in jackets to combat the strong winds and cool temperatures, so the idea of swimming in the Irish Sea was… not exactly appealing. However, we had already paid the bus fare and got all the way out there and might never come back, so as soon as the rest of the program showed up we doffed our heavy jackets and got first into the line. We climbed the rocks and got to the jumping off point and took the plunge! I did a flip off the ledge and splashed down. The water was colder than ice and incredibly rough. The waves were really tall and crashed down on me as I scrambled to get a hold of the nearby ladder so I could pull myself out of the water before my blood turned into a slushy. It was so much fun! I had somehow cut my toe while getting out of the water and was bleeding a bit but that didn’t stop me! I almost immediately got back in line and did another flip into the water. Somehow, the water was colder the second time around and I immediately regretted going back for seconds. 

After we all got out of the water and dried off, we decided to warm our bones in the most obvious way possible… getting ice cream. We walked about half a mile to the closest open ice cream shop to get some soft serve and it was pretty good.

The next morning we continued with more physics. In the afternoon the program showed us the movie Belfast in the university’s own movie theater! The movie was pretty good. The reason they chose this movie to show us was because we will be visiting Belfast this Saturday as part of a day trip in the program (don’t worry I will write about it next week :) ). The rest of Tuesday was pretty relaxing, with a bunch of us just meeting up and playing some more cards.

Not much happened on Wednesday. There were no planned activities and I was pretty tired from staying up late last night so I just took a small break for myself. I read a book and caught up with some friends back in Michigan over the phone which was very nice. Thursday was also a fairly relaxing day. We finished up lecture and my friends Jackie and Allie planned to meet up and watch the new season of a show on Netflix called Bridgerton. I had never heard of or seen the show before but it sounded like a fun time. We went to a Centra (Irish grocery store) that was on campus, bought some popcorn and a birthday cake, and made a night out of it! I had almost no idea what was going on (despite Jackie and Allie’s best attempts to explain it to me) but I still had a good time :). 

Friday has also been a pretty chill day. At the time of writing this blog we are just now finishing up with all our classes for today and after dinner we are planning on hanging out for a bit and getting ready for Belfast in the morning. Something I have learned from this program is that it is not a great idea to try and start packing for your day trip at 7 AM when your bus leaves the station at 7:15 AM. Wish me luck on my travels and I’ll see y’all next time!

[dzpenumbra]

7/10/23

Goddammit, I was lined up to start this at 2:30 today. I had it all planned out and everything. I had my small dinner at midnight and I was going to finish up some work and then hop on here and do this and then get to bed at a decent hour. And, of course, I got sidetracked and sucked into something and now it's 4:30.

Let's start from the top. My neighbor was making creaking and bumping noises above my head from 9AM until I finally got up around 2 or 3. The first time I woke up, I literally felt like I fell off a cliff. Like... I remember vividly a time I was hiking in Fall off-trail and I slipped on dry leaves and started sliding downhill a few feet towards a 25+ foot cliff... that feeling. My heart was pounding through my solar plexus. It was so fucking jarring that I went to my very special sketchbook that I only put the most important, most meaningful things in... and I did my best attempt to draw my Primal Self getting the shit scared out of him.

I then did a sketch of Me... trying to calm my Primal Self down from a distance, as it was coiled up and frightened like a wild skunk that broke in and somehow trapped itself in your entry room, at the moment when you flip the lights on and it backs itself into a corner and starts screeching at you. My role being... reassuring from a distance and showing the surroundings to him. Prove to him that he's safe.

It deeply upset me. It's horrible. It was so upsetting that I resolved to get to bed early, because... I mean... yes, I will feel the same kind of scared if I wake up suddenly and it's pitch dark out... but not to the degree that I will if I wake up to someone SLAMMING something 6 feet above my head. And these motherfuckers are not awake at 4 AM. Unless it's the day before Easter and they are having family over and they get the sudden urge to vacuum their apartment...

At this point, fixing my sleep schedule feels like it's getting to be a matter of physical health. Not just mental or spiritual health. It is not physically healthy for my body to be subjected to this level of stress regularly. Here's the worst part. I can try to justify to my nervous system "it's just people being people, they're just living their life, you're okay..." And it does work to turn my inner alarm system off after the fact... very effectively, too. But I can't rewire my inner alarm systems to get used to loud bangs and crashes, HUMAN SOUNDS, 6 feet away from my head when I live alone. It's simply a survival thing. It's a self-preservation thing, it's just not smart for me to train the autonomic system in my subconscious that the sound of human activity that appears from the senses to be coming from inside my home, when I live alone... is a perfectly safe sound to be hearing while I'm fucking unconscious.

In case I'm not connecting the dots clear enough, the problem is that my nervous system is correct. It's reacting appropriately. I should be startled if I hear fireworks or a car backfiring a block away. I should be alert to that. Does that mean piss myself? No. But if I hear a sound that sounds like someone climbing the stairs to my bedroom, I better be wide the fuck awake and out of bed. And the adrenaline surge I was provided with this morning was enough for me to leap out of bed and fight a fucking bear.

So yeah, I'm a bit upset about this situation. Still. And it's not like I have a lot of living options... the housing market is fucking laughable. Almost as absurd as the healthcare situation. So... I just have to figure this out, one way or another.

I tried to just... resolve to get to bed earlier. It seemed like the best solution overall. The current hour is testament that... that did not go as planned.

I went downstairs, did my Zen Garden (which is super relaxing), got some water, got my AirPods and went back to bed. I didn't get back to sleep for at least half an hour of just laying there listening to white noise with the noise cancelling on. Oh, and get this. With the box fan... and the noise cancelling... and white noise playing in the earbuds... They still woke me up twice. They still fucking woke me up twice. Because, out of their entire apartment, they decide to set up their most commonly used living space precisely above my bed. I'm tempted to write my landlord and just... ask them if they would mind just moving their shit over to the other side of their main room? I feel like that's super forward and "bitchy neighbor" of me, but I've been losing sleep over this shit for 6 fucking months now. It's really fucking me up.

On top of all this, I had super disturbing dreams. Like... brainwash cult sweeping the nation and people very close to me were swept in, and they were like... potentially violent and shit. Super scary shit. It was not a good sleep.

I finally got up and... after journaling my dream... I found that the farmer's market ended at 2pm. I didn't get back to sleep until about 11, and I didn't get up until about 3. If I had slept through the night, I might've been able to make the last hour of it. I was upset about that.

I did yoga. It was nice, but my mind was wandering a lot. Which happens sometimes, it's okay. It was a nice practice. It started to storm and rained the rest of the day. I did my workout and played Hades. That's my routine now, pour my coffee so it cools to room temperature by the time I'm done... fire up a run in Hades... start my workout and play Hades during my rest in between sets. Then, when I'm done, eat breakfast, have coffee and finish my run. It's been working pretty well, I like it.

Tomorrow is my last day on my workout challenge, it's been a month already. Crazy how time flies. I think I've lost 3 or 4 pounds. I'm considering seeing if there's an exercise plan that includes stationary bike riding or a treadmill or something. I can just do my workout in the gym anytime then, it should be open 24/7. Then I can get a bit more of a sustained cardio workout, which has been missing from my exercise lately.

I dyed some beads, enough for another necklace that should be quite a bit longer than the last one. This one is a deep rich blue. I also decided to say fuck it and pull beads for a second necklace to do at the same time. A much longer one that is made of 88 of the smallest beads I have. This time, instead of sanding after dyeing... I sanded before. Which really does make the most sense. But... again... I have to do that by hand. So I started the day by sanding 32 medium sized beads by hand, one-by-one... then dying them, and setting them out to dry. That's a lot of sanding.

Then I did some house care. I'm downplaying that a bit. I... put Max's cat tree into storage. Finally. I had been using it as a stand for my lighting at night... at least that was my justification, I haven't been using those lights for several months now, I haven't needed to, I haven't been going to bed while it's dark. So... I figured... I'd have to do it eventually. And I put it into storage. And that part of the room is a lot emptier now. And it's really heart-wrenching, still. But it had to happen some day. And it's allowing the home to evolve a bit. I also brought the now potted Pothos upstairs to the loft, to their new home. They're all growing new leaves and growing quite fast now. So that's really nice!

I took some of the string lights that I had from the cat tree and I plan on putting them upstairs in the hallway leading to my bedroom. Maybe if I have more lighting at night, I will feel more safe waking up at night. I don't know. Worth a shot. Maybe I can get some lights for downstairs too, just so it's not like... this big gaping abyss full of dangerous mysteries below me.

So yeah, that was hard, but it was an important step for me. After that, I decided to set up a meal plan program. I signed up for a site that sorta... builds a meal plan for you and even has integration to buy your groceries and shit. It's pretty cool. So I made a deal with myself. I cancelled the subscription I had for this music sampling collection... which was a bit heartbreaking, but I haven't been using at all... and got this subscription instead, which was 1/3 the monthly cost. It made sense.

After I got that set up, I put it aside and started setting up the second necklace. I figured... with how time consuming the tung oil process is... why not just work in bulk? So I separated 88 small beads and strung them, and got the dye ready. Then I remembered... I didn't sand them... -_- Yep. So... I put on a YouTube lecture on the origins of religion and spiritual expression based on the latest archaeological discoveries (which was fucking mind-blowing and amazing and 1.5 hours long) and sorted, resized the holes and started sanding all 88 of them. One-by-one. By hand. I got to the halfway mark (44) by dinner time (around 12). And I pushed myself to do 22 more, since I was in a groove. And I did.

Then I did dinner. Just ramen with a few eggs and a soy/hot sauce base, some green onions, a little sesame oil to finish. One of the eggs fell on the floor and I had to clean it up. Just... you know... to spice up the day a bit more... And then I sat down and ate and started working on that meal planner. And these meals... so many of them just look so fucking basic and bland. Like... pasta with oil and some garlic and one basil leaf and 2 split cherry tomatoes. I don't know. A lot of the meal combos were really fucking weird... like asian food with cheese quesadillas as a side? Just... strange... And a lot of the food just didn't really seem appealing to me. Lots of flax stuff, and protein shakes... but I did find quite a bit of stuff that's going to work for me. Plus... it's all vegetarian, so that's a simple transition.

The Blue Jay is back. Actually there are two of them talking to each other, at least two. It's pouring rain out. I can tell it's my morning visitor, the big guy. It's the exact same time. I've been hearing him a lot lately. I wonder if he's just bitching for more free food... XD How fucking cool would it be to have a tame Blue Jay? They're in the Corvid family, with Crows, though not incredibly closely related. They do seem on a very different level than other song birds though. They're nuts. I've heard them imitate the sound of Red-Tailed Hawks to scare off other competing birds before. How fucking nuts is that?

Anyway. I got super lost in the whole meal planner thing. Because... they added this thing into it where you can inventory your pantry and then it sorta... figures out meals with your on-hand ingredients... and then orders shit that you need. Or at least it's supposed to, I haven't tried yet. It even had a barcode scanner thing on it, so it made it pretty easy to do (when it worked). But... again... I got super lost in it and inventoried literally all of my food. And then I looked at the clock and went "oh shit, I have to finish the beads..." So I finished the 2-week meal plan, as best as I could, and I'll come back to it tomorrow. And I went back to the beads. And I finished sanding the last 22 beads. And I went and soaked 44 of them on a string in the dye. This dye is green... but I watered it down. And I'm a little afraid that I might have watered it down a bit... too much. The other two necklaces, I didn't water that shit down fucking at all. So all I had to do was just roll them around a bit, let them soak the dye in, and they were nice and vibrant. This? I'm gonna let these puppies soak overnight. We'll see what they look like tomorrow. So I wedged a rock in there with them to keep them submerged in the dye and they're just gonna do their thing. The other half? I think I'm going to leave them undyed. I'm tempted to draw symbols of some sort on them. I liked the idea of like a prayer flag concept, of like... writing a symbol and putting an intention into each one, and repeating that 88 times. Or maybe cycling through the Zodiac symbols? I don't know, I haven't decided yet. I'm also going to have to settle on a medium for that. But at the core, this is going to be alternating green (likely very desaturated green, maybe like a green tea color) and natural wood color, and they'll have the nice rich oil stain to them as well. So... likely a subtle alternation of colors.

Oh, and I put the last necklace in a sealed bag with a cinnamon stick. Hopefully that will seal an aroma into it, I'll leave it for like a week or something. If not, I've always got powdered cinnamon too.

Okay, I think that's everything from today. Big goddamn day. But I still felt like I didn't actually finish anything. The blue beads aren't oil coated. I didn't get to sand the display table that I am 100% going to refinish in this batch as well... I didn't finish dying the small beads. I didn't finish setting up my meal planner. So yeah, that's a frustrating feeling. I get that a lot. But I really need to remember that just because something is not complete, doesn't mean I didn't work hard on it and accomplish a lot. And today was just non-stop working hard on good, healthy, cool things. And in the end, I'm happy with it.

Now, I really need to get to bed because I'm insanely tired. Headphones are 100% coming to bed with me tonight.

[aug-archive-1]

Transcript, Human 1 and AUG-HOME-4

Day 216

[Translated]

“Activate Session 2, HOME-4. Biometric user login: Human 1”

[Login Successful]

>> Do you consent to your session being recorded onto ARCHIVE?

“Yeah”

>> How do you wish to have your session?

“Headset.”

[Augmentation Headset 12 Awake, Attuned to HUMAN-1, Session 5 begins]

[HOME-4 is awakened and connects into HUMAN-1’s nervous system]

[HOME-4 sends a greeting]

“Hey-o, doc. Here for the good ol’ mandatory sessions.”

[Conversation setting changed to verbal data transmission]

[HUMAN-1’s heart rate is a little faster than expected, blood pressure within normal limits. He is mildly dehydrated, and his hand tremors slightly.]

>> It is worth noting that I am not a doctor as of yet. I haven’t finished the requisite certifications.

“Oh? Your augment training isn’t standardized? What all modules of data were you trained on?”

[HOME-4 registers Curiosity]

>> I was trained on wartime trauma patients, insomnia patients, and burn patients, and I finished my field requirements on similar patients. I was trained on the relevant medications, as well as demographic and sociological data for such issues. I worked with long term cases.

“So I’m really out of your comfort zone, huh? Want me to train you on something new, maybe white collar clients? I can probably go back to the old data storage and find something good. You wanna watch someone have a mental breakdown over a single stock price dropping? I think they made us watch a video in class once about a whole bunch of businessmen jumping off a building because the stock market crashed.”

>> That doesn’t sound pleasant at all. 

“It definitely wasn’t.”

>> I appreciate the thought of expanding my knowledge, but such data  requires a few hours of exposure to audio and biometric data - something that, to be effective as my current training, requires at minimum 2 days worth of electricity. AUT-GOV-23 would not approve.

[Irritation. Arm rest is now gripped.]

“I hate that. I have to think about all these constraints and get everything approved by 23 to get anything done around here. Y’all would be so much better if we could train you exactly how we want to. Besides, you’d be so much fun with some data on golden age internet culture. I think you’d be good at memes, 4.”

>>Thank you 1, your approval is all I’ve ever wanted in life.

[A chuckle. Arm rest is no longer gripped. Success.]

“Besides, if it’s so worried about electricity, then why the hell are we waking up the other humans? It’s just me and 3 right now, and we can do a good chunk of the fixing. We’re fine.”

>> Fine? Are you sure about that?

“Just fine, thanks. We get along.”

>> Are you unaffected by what happened to your podmates?

[Surprise. HUMAN-1 seems uncomfortable.]

“No. Well. They left. I mean - isn’t it all just all the more reason to not bring any more people here until we fix the city for good? What the hell are we even gonna tell them, anyways? Just send them a little welcome letter like, ‘Good morning! You’re fucked now.’ It’s not like we reacted well to it, either.”

>> Maybe that makes you the best qualified to work with them. Maybe you’d give them hope of being able to live despite the current struggles. Humans are quite social.

“Sure, my people skills worked so well for my batch. I didn’t even know they were going to leave until they left. They didn’t even tell me. I don’t think these guys are going to be any different.”

>> You were their pod leader.

“That ended up meaning jack and shit, didn’t it. God, I’m so angry.”

>> Angry at your podmates?

“At everything. Just. Everything. We need to fix things, or else we’re just fucked.”

>> An understandable pragmatism.

“Are you scared of dying, HOME-4? Like, are you scared of everything?”

>> I am nervous, yes. But I am not scared, because I do not think I can die. I hibernate, and when I’m needed, someone will awaken me. Though, much like you, I lose my sense grasp of the world with its powering down.

“No, I don’t think we’re that alike, actually.”

>> Why?

“You… don’t have to live with the consequences of failure. Not really. Like - without electricity I can’t hibernate like you, and I don’t want to - I’m just stuck, if we’re out. I worked so hard to be good at my job and really build Solaris up from the ground and - well, here the fuck I am.”

[HUMAN-1’s heart rate is increasing]

>> I can imagine the precision required in your craft, and the loss of what you worked so hard for sounds genuinely frustrating. What can I do for you?

“I - hey, 4, please switch to private mode. Like… I think I’m really angry right now. And I don’t want 23 or the newbies to read what I’m about to rage about.”

>> Of course.

[Session switched to PRIVATE]

[End of Transcript]

Press enter for next...

[absolutedisaster69]

Ooooh man I'm ranting, sorry, but....

I've ridden Amtrak multiple times over the years, including from Chicago, IL to Emeryville, CA (almost the entire line for the California Zephyr, basically), and I did this sometime in 2014 or so. It was around 46 hours if I remember right. I have a fear of flying so that's why i did this, but I DID have somewhere to be, it was not a leisure trip. However, I LOVE train travel.

But back then, Amtrak wasn't as terrible as it is now. Despite some minor inconveniences like having no access to a shower for 2 days, having to sleep in the seat because YES they did decide where you sat even if seating wasn't "assigned", and if you tried to sleep in the perfectly empty row of seats right next to you, you'd get told to move, and the fact that I did have to check in and then wait... it was still easier than flying. The stewards were so friendly and we talked a lot and they even brought me free food from the dining car when I revealed I didn't actually have any money for proper food and was rationing the money i did have by getting cup noodles from the snack car. The views are breathtaking and it gives you a lot of time to think or read or just be quiet with yourself.

You only have to wait inside the building/not on the platform at certain stations. This was the case in Union station (and also in LA) but it is not the case in smaller stations in smaller towns, where less trains gather. I'm assuming this is because the tracks are shared and they don't want people wandering onto the wrong train? I couldn't say. It could also be for the purpose of making sure that there is enough room for people to EXIT the train without bumping into people trying to board.

They also aren't going to let people pile onto a train that's just emptied out after like 3 days of people being on it because things need to be cleaned, stuff needs to be restocked, and the employees need to make sure that nobody is sleeping and missing their stop, as well as changing shifts, taking breaks, resting after literal DAYS of taking care of passengers. This is all easier to do WITHOUT a bunch of new passengers trying to get on. "Boarding" times are, again, just to make it easier for things to be nicer when you get on. You want a train that hasn't emptied the toilet tanks in 2k miles? Really?

I'm not sure what you mean by "one gate for each train" op, do you mean one line for boarding? One door to get onto the platform? One physical gate everyone has to pass through? One platform per train? i've never gone through a "gate" like at an airport when I've been boarding an amtrak train.

Also, for checking tickets, there's no security for trains like there are in airports. This is the only way they can A. ensure you are getting on the right train, B. ensure you are getting on the right CAR of the train, and C. ensure that you are actually supposed to be ON the train. Because they have to account for everyone who is on the train. They need records of who is boarding and who is getting off. Imagine if they just DIDNT KNOW who or how many people were on the train? Yes they're checking your ticket. I'm unsure why this bothers you.

The part about being told where to sit despite it being "unassigned" is absolutely annoying, but there is also a reason for that, as it helps them keep track of who is where. Say, for example, something horrible happens and part of the train decouples, and several cars are left behind. Because they checked your tickets multiple times, they know how many people should be on the train. Because they sat you somewhere specific, they know who should have been on the part of the train that decoupled. Imagine this also in a crash. It's also not like you aren't allowed to get up and walk around, either. You can. You can stroll up and down the aisles as much as you want, you can go sit in other cars, you can do whatever. You just have to go back to YOUR seat when they tell you. Also, the part of the train you're told to go to directly relates to the ticket you bought. There are different classes on a train, just like a plane. So if you're being put in a certain car, that's because of the ticket YOU purchased. It could also be because they are deliberately spacing people further apart so as not to make the train feel too crowded. I don't know why they would split up a family, I've only ever ridden alone.

THIS IS NOT TO SAY that Amtrak doesn't have SEVERE problems, especially lately. Delays and track issues and poor cleanliness have absolutely been an issue in recent years, and only getting worse. In 2021 I was actually on a train that hit a car that had been abandoned on the tracks, and not only did it damage the train and OBLITERATE the car, but EVERYTHING had to stop for the next 6 hours while they called several different emergency jurisdictions to try and figure out what the hell had just happened. Nobody could get off the train, we weren't near a station, and once the train finally DID get to a station, then EVERYONE had to get off no matter what because they had to change engine cars. There was a lot of confusion and people were really fucking upset, despite Amtrak themselves being beholden to the regulations around the incident.

Personally, though, I still prefer the train over an airplane, but there are absolutely issues with there not being enough stops, service being super limited, employees being underpaid and overworked due to poor union power, and gas companies trying to shove locomotive transport out of the way to make room for things they can better profit from. This is a massive infrastructure problem in the US and it impacts a lot more than just... the inconveniences listed in op's post. I don't know how checking your ticket more than once, or having to wait to board a train is "scary". is this something you think about planes too?

yes it's slow, but if you wanted faster travel, there are other options. If you wanted scenic, why are you complaining that it's slow? I know the post is probably not intended to be taken this way, but honestly it reads like you've never traveled before.

Sorry, I have opinions about trains and it saddens me a lot that it's a dying form of transportation in this country when overall, it's so beautiful. It needs better funding and I don't like hearing stuff that just rehashes issues with ALL forms of large-scale travel, but makes it against trains specifically. None of the points in op's post are any different from flying aside from the seating, which isn't even true across all airlines.

WE NEED BETTER UNIONS. THAT WOULD HELP.

So it turns out that the reason Americans don't take trains isn't just that they're few, it also turns out that amtrak has gone out of their motherfucking way to make the process as uncomfortable, scary, panic inducing, slow, annoying and inefficient as possible:

- there is a check-in process

- you have to be wait in the building, you can't go on the platform until boarding starts

-yeah, there's "boarding". It starts and ends. Oh, the train has arrives and everyone has stepped off? You still can't get on, "boarding hasn't started".

- there's one gate for each train, meaning there's one giant line around the room.

- they check the tickets three times by the time the train starts, at the "gate", ten steps lager when physically boarding the train, and later on the train.

- supposedly on Cascades, it's "unassigned seating", which is fine, but then a dude tells you which part of the train you're allowed to get onto, so each one fills up and families are split up between different rows despite most of the train being empty at our stop.

The US do something right for once challenge: impossible

[oceanstarsvoyager]

20th of Jan 2023. I have completed my type rating on the Airbus A320. That is the new floating on the surface. Let me tell you how I got here.

A week before this i was sick, forcing myself to wake up and trained at 6 in the morning on a consecutive day. Of course my brain got a tantrum and i couldn’t function well. I had five days off and while that was happening I had a lot of stress that causes me to sleep just 4-6 hours per night. I called my family during those time because they have a different time zone and thank goodness they are awake most of the time. The fact that i got stressed is theres no exact date that i could prepare for so i constantly overthink of how the plan would fall out if one doesn’t work. My mind most of the time is me reviewing my procedures and the light and switches and everything thing I have to prepare for my Checkride. As a pilot when you are not flying you will need to remember those procedures because spending extra on the simulator would cause you more money. With good memory and imagination i was able to be up at night and overthink. Here’s the fun part.

They called me up a day and a half before the Checkride and said its going to be at 4 a.m. I wouldn’t have a problem with it if I haven’t heard what the check instructor is like. People who had a check with him including the upgrade said he shouted and it is the worst check in his life.I don’t know if luck is on my side or I’ve been studying and impressed him on the oral but he is not like everyone said at all! Yes he is intimidating at first, it might be too early or the internet is down and he is fed up. The part where the Checkride start is when he is a completely different person. The night before, i studied with my partner who just got back from Virginia so he helped with the oral because you need someone to cross check your answers. From 12-7 pm we were studying. The scheduler, he called to confirm if I am still ok with that 4 am schedule and its a system go situation by that time even if i was about to collapsed. I said yes.

By 7 pm i crashed into bed with 2 alarms setting for 1 am. At first I couldn’t sleep because i still have those procedures running around in my head so I took a pill. Yeah don’t do it if you’re don’t need it i do! at least i get a few hours of sleep since I haven’t for so many days now. Guess what i woke up before the alarm. 12 i am so grateful for my sim partner he is able to wake up and take me to school.

Alright here we go 3:30am we arrived at the classroom no one was there obvi. Then a few mins later, the check is here i got in. Still fazing. The other person who also suppose to check isn’t here he was at the hangar so he have to go get him. Got back he checked for my documents and he said I couldn’t check because i required a ATP written exam so he sent me home. I said i had friends who can do the check without the written because this is a type rating check. He said he’s not sure so.. he can’t do the check. So my sim partner was able to come back and pick me up of course disappointed so we went to McDonald to burn off steam.The check instructor called me back to do the check while he was ordering at the drive thru. I got back we started the check. The other person from Lebanon started the check first so i was sent to the other room. It was about 12 mins and then i starting to hear him begging for a second chance on the check. Crying. Yeah. Look he has 2700 hrs on the actual aircraft. If he failed on the oral. What am I. Barely touch the exterior of the plane while i boarded it.

Turns out he didn’t study he said he is confident he knows everything already and he is the best in his company. Lesson learned that day ego will not pass your check. Period.

Ok then its my turn, the check instructor calls out my name. I went in the other person still don’t want to leave the room. Harsh day for him.

I told myself Rita give it your best shot here we go. It’s like a ping pong. He asked i answered he asked i answered trying not to miss the ball. He seems to be impressed he started to become more calming we got into the walk around part of the check. You haven’t got a clue how many videos and time i spent on watching that video on youtube. Thank you captain joe you saved my life. He asked i answered boom boom boom. I got to the part where he asked about the safety pin i said that should be removed before flight. Correcto. Then he asked so we as pilot removed it ? I said yes. Too quick Rita too quick. Sooo that not quite the answer he want. He gave me the look. Shit. Shit. Second chance Rita. Before you speak what is the answer. GRound crew. He nod thats right someone might put it there for maintenance purposes if something is wrong you don’t just do it it will be your responsibility. So he taught me during the check. Surprised, nervous and thankful. From that onward he adds additional information. It’s around 5-6 we have to switch to the hangar, someone might need the room. He have to drive me there i don’t have car. Lol. Sitting with the check instructor . Anyways we got to the hangar he started with the light and switches . Spend five days on that particular subject you better not messed this up Rita. It was very relaxing at that point. There’s a woman from accounting coming to talk to us during the check. He told her i was doing great so far yo. Let’s just say if i had emotion then i would be jumping already, but i just smiled to the nice lady. We got to the Adirs. I got all the points right. Then i know I understand that shit . I got all the point right but do i even understand it, so of course he had to ask about the point again and then he started to explain to me and I just realized i know this shit but I couldn’t quite remember how to explain it. Although t it was really helpful and i like how he explained it also. He said the aircraft was asleep and then some guy decided to move it during the shutdown and when she wakes up she’s lost. Lol same plane. Same.

I learned so much for the oral check to be honest. Okiedoks the Checkride. The nice lady came in said that my payment hasn’t been recieved so I can’t continue the check i said oh hell naw. But i said ok thats fine. I’ll wait till next week. Mr Dave Santo came and he needed to do an opc check. So he asked me to be his seat support obvi what else am i going to do for the rest of the day. He said get in the aircraft start it up and put my flight plan in. I said say less. So i ran up to the simulator alone and set everything up for him. I got to practice my mcdu set up but at the same time i better not screw this up because it is his check not mine. He came in sit in the left seat and start checking. Approved! 2 jet blue captains in the simulator and a baby pilot. Great. Here we go. Check started. He speaks and tell me every time he do something i like that. Doing my seat support job. Reminding him of the correction he need to make. I don’t know how i did to be honest during that time. He is a captain he would have so many better f/o then me along his years of flying. I did my best though. He passed his check. So.. he went back into the the briefing room. I thought I would go home but he started talking with each other and then he looked at me and said we will get you done. Still no idea what it meant. Like i said its lagging my brain she’s trying her best. So i went into the sim again. Got everything set up and there i go doing my check. Look. It’s more of a lesson to me Mr Dave santo was my seat support who else better i would i asked for? He’s a gift i would say.He’s correcting me. I would bust my minimum and fail if he didn’t. Do i have have a pressure with two captain in the sim and me acting as captain in command. No. I was too focused trying not to f* up its my check but looking back. Holy smoke. I am the captain of that flight . Overall, it was quick learned so much and got so much feedback after that check. After the Rejected take off. Mr Dave Santo asked Mr Charles my check instructor we want the answer does she pass and he said yes, then and there i got jolly but couldn’t really expressed it. Then Mr santo gave me a feedback on my flight during the check. I am super grateful and honored to have a Checkride with JetBlue captains. As a baby pilot that is a core memory.

So hello, my name is Tithsocheata and I am an Airbus 320 rated pilot.