#and yea i may have stolen my name from him but who cares

[pirateswhore]

emma swan was my sexual awakening and killian jones was my gender awakening and I for one think its very fly of them

[ratcandy]

CoGR Abridged/Summarized

Hello hello! My name is Clam, otherwise known as Squeakyclam on Ao3, and this is a heavily summarized/shortened version of my HK fic Camouflage of Great Renown. For anyone somehow finding this that doesn't know what it's about, CoGR focuses on Zote and his story through the game and what preceded it. He recounts his entire life up until the end of what's known in canon, and this includes a whole lot of angst, growth, realizations, and Trauma Revelations.

Oh, and he's a nosk. Zote is a nosk. Yep.

I've had a few requests for a summary, as the work is super long and reading through 130k+ words of Zote dialogue may not be for everyone, hehehe so I've compiled all the important plot points and wrote them out here in order of his story, rather than the plotline CoGR goes through specifically (in which big events in his history are revealed later on).

If I had to recommend reading the fic for anything, it'd be the... impact, I suppose? 'Cause reading the summarized events here will NOT be anything like reading it in CoGR. Seeing as the fic is all in Zote's pov and he actually has to force himself to admit all of this aloud. But I digress!!

Here's a summary of Zote's life according to CoGR.

THIS IS A VERY, VERY LONG POST DESPITE BEING A SUMMARY. I'm sorry, CoGR just has a lot happening! T/W for mentions of death.

A lot more heavy stuff happens in CoGR, but in this summary I do my best to step around those subjects. If you think more T/Ws should be added, let me know, and I'll put them here

Nosks were a species that inhabited Deepnest, specifically living in a den towards the nest's depths. It split off into lots of tunnels and caverns that each nosk lived in. "Society" there was very hostile and unwelcoming, as nosks valued brute strength over just about anything else. Caring for another nosk - be it kin or otherwise - was considered weak. "Burdens" to the den, such as nosks that were badly wounded, would/could not hunt, or were simply getting too old would be killed off. Death in and of itself was very common and hardly anyone would bat an eye at it.

Think the Mantis Tribe but largely feral and without a shred of decency of morals.

Runt donning mask of citizen was born into the nosk den alongside his brother, who would become hunter donning hide of tiktik.

(Before anyone asks, these are just the naming conventions that nosks have. No one but the nosk superiors - the leaders of the den - are granted actual names.)

A third egg was among them, but the brother broke it open and ate the younger sibling not long after hatching.

The two were born under a superior (their mother) and her chosen mate (their father). They were expected to grow up strong and eventually overtake their mother and become superiors. Or, one of them would, maybe.

The runt (Zote) was immediately scorned by the mother, as he was extremely frail and useless, and she just about killed him off right after he hatched - but his father stepped in, and the runt was left alive.

Zote grew up to be a weak nosk who could barely defend himself in a den full of beasts that would gladly kill him if doing so wouldn't be a direct offense to a superior. His brother was cruel to him, his father berated him constantly, and his mother was hardly in the picture at all. Only ever watching him distastefully from afar.

His father did, however, train him, if only sparingly. The least he could do to keep Zote alive. (Doing so would be a death wish were any other nosks to find out about it...)

However, an elder in the den - hunter donning mask of weaver - gained Zote's attention as she told him fantastical stories from outside the den. This elder had spent a good portion of her life among the Weavers, initially being sent to learn about them (to make them easier to hunt) but growing interested in their culture and choosing to stay. Until she did something to get her chased out.

At any rate, she told the stories from the Weavers to Zote, alongside news of what was happening outside of Deepnest. This caused the runt to become obsessed with the idea of being a knight, as the stories just sounded!! So amazing and heroic and awesome and!!! :D Yea!! He wanted to be just like that!

To the point where he even carved a sword out of the shellwood... with the den elder's help. He named it Life-Ender eventually.

At some point, however, his father found out about all this. His father figured that the only way to eliminate this problem - as wishing to be something heroic that saved lives or whatever was SO unnosk-like (and would get him killed) - was to kill the den elder.

Before she died, the elder told Zote to run away from the den, and not to return no matter what. The idiot did not run, and because of this, he witnessed the Den Elder's death at the hands of his father and some other nosks.

Man! this does, however, cause Zote to be more... "open" about his ideas. By this I mean he begins carrying Life-Ender around instead of hiding it in his nest. what do you mean it's a comfort item what! no he's just rebelliously showing off how much he wants to be a knight. totally. 100% /s

well, anyway, not long after this, the idiot's father dies at the claws of his mother. Zote unfortunately witnesses this as well. When he tries to run, his mother catches him, nearly killing him as well. Luckily(?), this attempt is thwarted by Zote's brother, who was very distraught over their father's death. The brother swears to kill the mother before storming off. Zote runs into hiding (still in the nosk den), and begins devising his plan so to get the hell out of there.

Of the few times that Zote leaves his nest after his father's death, 90% of them ended with him getting pummeled by his brother. The latter was livid, blaming the father's death on Zote and frequently bursting into fits of emotional rage. Rage is great for nosks, other emotions not so much.

On one occasion in particular, the brother goes too far, nearly killing Zote. In the scuffle, Life-Ender is shattered, and that sends Zote into a blind anger (mixed with survival instinct as he's About to Die). Zote then kills his brother.

A crowd had gathered around them during the fight. In that crowd was Zote's mother, who looked to him approvingly after he'd killed off his brother. This terrified Zote, so he gathered the pieces of Life-Ender and fled the den forever.

Stopping at the hot spring in Deepnest, he made a disguise for himself based on the vessels that nosks would often capture. He made a new name for himself, took on an entirely new identity, and decided to abandon the idea that he was ever a nosk. He would just go to the City, be knighted by the King (who he'd heard of from the stories the Den Elder would tell him), and live out his life as a knight. Just like he always wanted. Not as a nosk. because he's not that.

The events that follow now are just very short summaries of things that happen throughout cogr.

- He breaks a statue in the Queen's station on accident after a bug finds him there. as a nosk. oops

- He obliterates the entire uoma population /j and burns himself in the process

- He repairs Life-Ender originally using mushrooms in the Fungal Wastes. Fungal adhesion is real I checked I swear

- He makes it to the City of Tears! and while there, he

Gets caught by Hegemol who mistakes him as a vessel

Drowns in the City's gutters

Purchases a cloth to wrap around Life-Ender

Hears the Pale King talk one (1) time and immediately decides he hates him

- While leaving the City, he finds a grub. That grub never really gets named, but as he frequented calling the little thing "Fiend," and the grub eventually began responding to that title, he just considers it a name for them now.

- Zote travels with the grub throughout the Crossroads until he drops them off with the Grubfather, being rewarded for reuniting them but overall feelings pretty :( about it.

- He then goes to the. So you know the houses that are underneath the Gruzz Mother's lil arena? Yea that place. he goes there and "guards" it, becoming that place's self-proclaimed knight.

- then he starts being paranoid about the grub and returns to the grubfather only to see all the grubs have been stolen. he presumes Fiend is dead from this point on (and dodges around ever using the word).

- Then he goes back to the lil town place only to see everyone's infected :(

- We then spend TEN CHAPTERS!! in Greenpath. In which he

eats a plant and dies

Stands in No Eyes's tomb.

Visits the Lake of Unn (and nothing bad happens)

Sees a nosk at the entrance to Fog Canyon and proceeds to have a panic attack

Kills everything

Gets caught by the Vengefly king

Gets saved!

has a breakdown

Yells at Ghost and then Leaves

- Canon starts!

- He stops in Dirtmouth, listens to Elderbug talk, gets told the Myth of the Great old Nosks who are now all Extinct. The news that nosks are now extinct freaks Zote out a little, but he absolutely refuses to return to Deepnest. He doesn't need to make sure. It's fine.

- In an effort to convince himself not to go to Deepnest, he goes to the City again, thinking it can't possibly be all that ba-- oh no everyone's dead!

- he inadvertently steals a map marker from Ghost and decides to use that as a pin for his cloak

- Zote returns to Deepnest. He's very upset with himself for this, but he just has to know if all the nosks are actually extinct now.

The answer is yes

but before that he gets caught by dirtcarvers and put in a web and has to be saved. this makes him angry

Upon seeing all the dead nosks once he gets to the den, and noticing that the last nosk was mimicking Ghost (evidenced by the mask left behind) before it died, he decides that he's gotta Kill Everything again

- more specifically we're going to the Colosseum now.

- Zote's fear of water evaporates as he goes through the secret passage in the King's Station to get to Kingdom's Edge. He only found it because he saw Ghost go that way

- While at the Kingdom's Edge, he gets caught by the Fools, who he stupidly challenges and then immediately gets caught by.

- sits in dumb baby jail for a while. mean to tiso

- Then the colosseum battle happens! He does not win he then gets dropped down into kingdom's edge with little regard toward whether he's dead or alive

- He grabs a Fool's helmet before leaving, going back to Dirtmouth, and intending to bury that thing

- this goes wrong as he bumps into Bretta. He then sits and talks with her for God Only Knows how Long, spacing out while doing so, and not even noticing when she eventually gets up and leaves him.

- He buries the helmet, shuts himself away in his house, and gets stuck repeating his precepts to himself. At the end of CoGR it is revealed that he hasn't been talking to anyone, and is instead talking to himself endlessly as no one is left to listen to him

and that's it! that's cogr. yeah

[katsukikitten]

Part 5

For once in your life, your eyes slowly open, only having been disturbed by warm morning sunlight. The soft comforter trapping your body heat and essentially you, as it pinned you to the soft mattress. You snuggle deeper into the sheets, breathing in the smell of clean linen and caramel.

Wait. Caramel?

With a jolt you jump from the bed, eyes wide as you look for the source of the scent. Patting down your jeans and shirt for at least one knife. You hardly remember what happened after dinner with his family. You remember booze, light conversation while feeling warm and floaty. Oh shit what was that passive that activated again? Rest assured?

"Info on rest assured." You grumble, voice soft from disuse. Your quirk happily pulls up a little informational box that you can see. Too sleepy to make the box private as it reads aloud to you.

"PASSIVE BUFF REST ASSURED. A newly unlocked buff that increases sleep quality and can only be activated around trusted individuals and safe places. Would you like a list?"

You stare at the question box with a flashing yes or no before you point with the tip of your knife to yes.

"Currently there is only one thing listed. Type : Individual Name: Bakugou Ka…."

"Oi." Someone calls from the front door of the apartment as you dismiss the information with a wave of your hand. He discards his boots at the door before making his way to his bedroom.

"You talking to yourself dumbass?" He says, blocking your only exit by leaning on the door jamb. He holds an iced coffee towards you, his eyes sharp as he adds.

"We need to talk about your file."

Crossing his arms you ignore his offer of iced appeasement, he sets it on the low dresser as you speak.

"It's not up for discussion."

"I'm your boss, I deserve to know."

"What you deserve to know is what's in that file. My whole life doesn't fit into a manila fucking folder. Quit asking questions."

"I'll ask what I want." He growls, "Because it's suspicious that you have this unbelievably complex quirk and yet I'm sure your top skills have nothing to do with stealing."

"If you're that concerned then ask the director of the program. I'm not the only secret 'reform'." You throw your hands into the air is exasperation

"He showed up dead shortly after you were inducted. Plus no one has any real record of what you've done. Not a single thing listed on what you've stolen."

"Talk to Deku then, he's next in line for that program, he ain't dead."

"He said he doesn't remember approving your file." He bites back and before you can retort strong fingers wrap around your wrist. His calloused pads brush over the cool metal of your bracelet.

"RECOGNIZED, BAKUGOU KATSUKI : NEW LIMITED ACCESS GRANTED. 1. Health and Condition status, upon request 2. Top five skills 3. Buffs that would benefit Bakugou Katuski. 4. Pending buffs to be activated by host. Please state a number."

"Two." "Cancel!" You try to shout over him but he beats you to it. The bracelet opens up a little box displaying your top five skills as of late.

"Stab resistance, poison resistance, what would a thief need those for? Stealth is number three and slight of hand is number five. Shit don't add up Princess." He glares while your nostrils flare, ripping your wrist away from his grip.

"You're really fucking pushing it…" He takes a step towards you while you step back as if it were part of a dance as you try so hard to keep your wrath in check.

"Am I? Like I said, shit ain't adding up. You have this bracelet that still has limited information to your quirk, support knows nothing of the recordings or god damn blocks you've placed on it and lastly…" Your knees hit the back of the back of the bed causing you to sit on the mattress. His rough palms come to lie flat against the fabric next to your thighs as he leans in. You fight to shrink back.

"Lastly, I deserve to know how an unnamed woman, who obviously knew you, turns up dead moments after I arrive on scene and then her body is gone in a matter of minutes. She poisoned you with a complex concoction that the lab in the agency has yet to figure out the formula to it and yet you knew the fucking antidote? What did you really do?"

Rage boils in your blood as you stare into his vermilion eyes. Like flipping a switch you turn ice cold, your breath mingles with his.

PASSIVE BUFF SHARP TONGUE ACTIVATED INSULTS DEALT WILL HAVE 39% MORE STING.

"You know what's funny? You don't see me asking how you became a manager with your shitty attitude. Nor do you see me asking how you manipulated and gaslit your way to the number one spot." You press your cheek against his as your lips graze his ear, "And you sure as hell don't see me asking how you're considered a hero at all after you told Izuku to kill himself in middle school."

The scars in his chest and stomach roar to life, demanding attention as his shirt scrapes against the sensitive skin. He takes a step back as if struck while the room begins to smell of smokey spiced caramel. His bones groan as his knuckles bloom white.

You smile as you stand, collecting your bag and the jacket he lent. Even grabbing the iced coffee he got you. Because why let it go to waste?

Cruelty slips onto your shoulders as nicely as his borrowed jacket while you pause at his bedroom door wanting nothing more than to leave him with terrible thoughts.

"Did you ever even apologize for that?"

Silence is your answer as you chuckle to yourself.

"Didn't think so."

You leave him with those nasty thoughts. Long gone as he still pants, pain shooting through his gut and lungs as it did all those fucking years ago.

As he moved without a second thought and placed himself in front of a stupid, dopey mop top boy who tried to hold up the weight of the world by himself.

With a guttural growl he looks over his destroyed room, as if a bomb went off.

He reaches for his phone dialing the number he never bothered to save.

"Meet me at our usual when you get off your stupid fucking shift. I know you've forgotten to eat you useless hero." The other line chimes in with a deep laugh as he adds.

"Okay Kaachan. I'll be there."

Izuku doesn't get invited out often and especially not by Bakugou. So the emerald haired boy decides to keep an eye on his oldest friend. Silently watching and not glancing too long as hot head huffs and puffs, taking another shot. The ash blonde's favorite spicy ramen goes untouched as the large man across from him slurps up his fourth bowl, covered in sweat and dirt from the day's work.

"You better get my fucking money's worth of this endless ramen bowl shit." He bites, slamming down another shot, fingers subconsciously finding the old scar on his chest. The action does not go unnoticed by his more docile friend. Izuku thanks the waiter as he starts on his fifth bowl.

"I'm starting to think you're mad about more than the endless ramen you ordered me." Bright emerald meet dark garnet eyes that glare, Bakugou's cheeks burn in his buzz.

"Fuck you. Nothin's wrong." Another deadly shot.

"That's your seventh. Kaachan you can't fool me. Your body language gives it away." Bakugou follows Izuku's eyes to his fingers. Quickly he removes his calloused pads from the divot. Angrily staring at the wall like a child who's been caught.

"Fuck you." He murmurs, silence settles over the pair in the far back corner of the restaurant. Bakugou's eyes glance over to Izuku who continues to eat, crimson bore into the scars on his arms from where the dumbass had broken them time and time again. His scars burn with your words, with the memory of what he's said in the past.

Too cruel and for what?

"You know I'm-" Bakugou starts but Izuku holds up a hand, wanting to spare his friend.

"I know, you've shown me everyday, even before you jumped in front of me, Kaachan. I've always known." He leaves it at that, in his heart he knows that Bakugou is sorry. He's seen it in every action since their first year at UA, he doesn't need to hear him say it.

What good are words when actions spoke louder?

"So what's bothering you? Worried over someone? You're dating Rogue now right?" Izuku asks, holding his chopsticks at a point while Bakugou takes another shot.

"Her file is what's bothering me. Deku, she doesn't have a fucking thing of her past. Not to mention you don't even remember signing off on her. Real responsible." Bakugou watches with a dull snarl as Izuku goes back to slurping his noodles.

"Ka...Kaachan." Izuku chokes, "Not fair. They put a lot of your desk too and I bet you don't remember half of it."

"I'd remember something like that. Just makes it that much more suspicious. Probably foraged by someone but the question is who…." Katsuki sets his head in his hand, staring at his orange broth.

"Well, did you ask her yourself?" Bakugou scoffs in response.

"Yea, and it didn't fucking turn out well." His finger finds his stomach this time, the ghastly white crater suddenly irritated by the fabric of his shirt. Izuku stops eating, he isn't stupid and easily connects the dots. The soft man thinks back a decade of his friend is the worst condition but more worried about him.

"Kaachan…" Deep jade eyes water a bit but Bakugou puts up a hand

"Don't." He barks, sighing.

"So you must really care about her if whatever she said affected you that much. You weren't even bothered when they were trying to 'cancel' you." Izuku taps Bakugou's bowl with his chopsticks, silently begging the blonde to eat. Hopping he'll take at least a bite to soak up some of that alcohol. Reluctantly deadly fingers pick up the sticks, gathering ramen between them but still undecided if he should eat.

His silence is answer enough for Izuku.

"I know my agency started the program. I'll look into it some more tomorrow. I'll be mostly office duty since I have so much paperwork anyway. But even if her past is dark Katsuki, what are you going to do? She may not have had any say in the matter, she doesn't give me that evil vibe."

Bakugou thinks back to you. How you fight, how you hold yourself.

How cute you were sleeping on his shoulder before he eased you onto his lap. How softly you snored in his bed. His stomach twists, Izuku's words and yours floating around his head.

"I guess I'll decide once I have more answers." With that the blonde decides to bring the spicy noodles to his lips.

[morgansmoreid]

Secrets  • Derek Morgan • One

Fic Masterlist

Name: Review 

Warnings: Toxic Eating Habits, Unclassed Abuse

(Italics Stand For Flashbacks)

Aaron calls everyone to the center. It's time to review the case that they've been called upon as to when Penelope gives out the files and devices. She never directly hands the stuff to the Y/n and barely sends a glance that way.

If anyone does notice the tension being created, they are more discreet about it than Penelope.

Aaron continues to talk, and Y/n starts with his pace as she opens the files, but is immediately stunned by what she is confronted by. Almost pinned on each other, pictures from crime scene one are pictures of victim one in her own blood, the room, and the crucial parts of the scene. Sad to be confronted by her own truth, Y/n knows that the reason she feels tears conclude her eyes is because of who lies in front of her.

Nothing of Aaron's words clicked into Y/n's head as she kept flipping the stacky file. Ones she looked up as she grew up the most pass her eyes on paper and as she remains in her shocked bubble, she can almost hear someone call her name.

It's when she reaches the most brutal scene of all she closes her file. She doesn't know if she does it soft, or hard. She doesn't know if anyone is even looking at her because she keeps her eyes on her lap. She thinks back to her phone and the messages she got the last few weeks. Everyone, anyone who bothered to remember her texted her asking her if she was coming home this weekend but she just ignored them.

Stupid fucking high school reunion.

Stupid.

Stupid.

Stupid.

The first text she got weeks ago was from Christina.

The first face of death she saw when she opened the file was Christina's.

Caterina, Rose, and Sabrina, all their faces were there as well.

The blood that each person laid in runs through Y/n's mind while a finger of brown toned slips into her vision and makes placement on her thigh.

"Right?" Y/n turns her head to face Derek and his worried look as a scared and puzzled one is on hers.

"You're from Allen right?" Spencer repeats his question.

"Y-yeah, born and sadly raised," The smile that Y/n tried to put up drooped down on her face and it fell back to flat.

"Know any of them?" Aaron looks at her, no one may have noticed the way Penelope was acting, but they noticed Y/n's behavior.

Truth and lies run through Y/n's head for any answer. She gives a lazy nod and shrugs her shoulders. The first picture in the file, Christina on her bed, dead, blood following nothing but space, and the last, the bathroom mirror, covered in Christina's blood as it marked 1/10.

Y/n hadn't seen that before, not that she was looking. But she automatically knew. She flipped hard through the file, this time caring less if the team watches and looks for the same numbers.

2/10.

3/10 & 4/10.

The last two were together.

They died together.

"I went to high school with all of them," Y/n's voice trembles, out of anger, not sadness.

As much love as she kept for the ones in the flies, flashbacks of the way they treated her and left resurface her mind.

Artsy.

That's what her mother used to describe her. Picture-like images and scenes play in Y/n's head like a movie.

"We've all come to an agreement." Y/n looked up to the voice of Christina. She was like the mother of the group so whatever she wanted, everyone complied. It pissed Y/n off, a lot of times, being silenced in a place meant to feel home but she kept her lips tight as Catarina followed Christina like a puppy.

A glance was stolen when their eyes met and Y/n smiled at her girlfriend. Not that she knew she was gay. Or bisexual, or nothing at all. 14-year-old Y/n was so confused about who she was.

"What is going on?" Ariana spoke up, putting down the throw pillow that resided by Y/n's window. The multi-story house was the hangout spot. As everyone sat between the door and the open window seat, they turned their attention to the queen bee.

"Megan, you are no longer a part of this group." Shock runs through everyone. Megan was a different person, she didn't always get along with everyone but she was super kind to Y/n taking a special liking to the youngest.

"Christina!" James, the one male and quietest stands up, having the courage that no one has. Christina eyes him down and almost dares him to say something with her eyes. "I thought we were family, You can't do this to family."

Christina only scoffs and crosses her arms. "You either sit down or go with her." Everyone's mouth was still agape and Y/n watched as Megan silently but aggressively collected herself before leaving out the door. James resided in his seat and slid next to Y/n, pushing the half-eaten muffin no one noticed until now.

"You shouldn't eat that." Rose failed to whisper. "You're gonna get big."

"I went to high school with them." Y/n's truthful words repeat from her dry mouth. The sadness laces her voice and as she silently prays for the team to ignore it, they don't.

"And I take it you guys were friends?" Emily pats the arm of the younger woman and only gets a head shake in response.

"In that case, Y/n, head to the station, you might be more help there, Sheriff Fields is going to be waiting."

Derek looks to Y/n. He's never met her parents and has always respected the opinion that Y/n didn't have a good relationship with her father. Late-night talks between them and he felt like he knew Y/n just a little more each day.

"Yea, I couldn't have any boyfriends growing up, especially when my dad became sheriff." She said one night. Both naked, they laid in the messy bed and Derek listened more and more until Y/n did the same. His hand ran over her skin, different than it did less than an hour ago and the comfort that she created expanded itself.

"Hotch?" Y/n spoke up. "Can I not? That's um, well I'm in relation to the sheriff, to say the least." Fear laced words she spoke into the air. 5 years she hasn't seen her father and the last time he sent her away like a damn animal after his hands beat her like never before. "Please."

Aaron only nodded his head and Y/n lets her thoughts consume her as he talked more. She didn't hear what was said but she still gets up and goes back to her seat when everyone is dismissed.

No one asks more questions to her after that and Derek silently takes a seat next to her and listens to his music while she does the same.

The music isn't enough though while guilt eats at Y/n's soul. She reads over the messages that she never responded to when one unread message makes her click it.

James:

I'm not sure if you are coming down in the following weeks, but everyone else is here and we miss you.

Call me sweetheart.

Y/n?

Are you coming?

Answer me.

Y/N:

I'm on my way. (Not delivered)

[a-random-aroace]

Fear Of His Father AU/Fanfic

Here I am, making more dadmight content and 1:40 in the morning as it is when my brain gets to thinking. Trust me, it will get to the dadmight, and I don’t care if it has been used before or whatever. Prepare yourselves as it is angsty. ⚠️!trigger warning!⚠️ neglect, child abuse⚠️

Midoriya had been having a pretty bad week. His deadbeat dad had come back from one of his 9 year business trips and wasn’t all to happy to see him. He had come back to see his “son” standing in the kitchen, and 3 AM chugging milk straight out of the jug, finishing it in 23 seconds. Wiping his mouth, he asked

“Uh... can I help you..?”

“What are you doing?!”

“Just getting a drink? May I ask who you a-

“YOUR WASTING IT THATS WHAT YOUR DOING! DONT DO THAT AGAIN OR YOU’LL REGRET IT!”

“W-who... are you??”

“I’m your father. Who else?”

“Are- are you sure you have the uh, right.. house?”

“OF COURSE I DO! YOUR IZUKU MIDORIYA RIGHT?!”

“Uh yes sir. Could you please keep your voice down? You might wake my mom.” He saw rage flicker in the eyes of his “dad”.

“I DONT CARE ABOUT THAT UGLY BITCH! SHE CAN GO DIE FOR ALL I CARE! IM ONLY HERE BECAUSE I HAVE TO BE!”

“I’m sorry sir.” Deku replied quickly, his head bowed. He tried to go back to his room, maybe this was a dream, or a nightmare. Hopefully he would wake up soon. Hopefully his dad wouldn’t hit him. But as soon as he tried to leave, his father exploded.

“WHERE THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOUR GOING?!” He grabbed Deku by the shoulder, shoving him down onto his knees. “You will stay there until I tell you to move. You will listen to me or pay the price.”

“Y-yes sir.” Oh god, he’s gonna kill me. Calm down, it can’t be that bad. Maybe he just had a rough day. Maybe he’s just tired. I don’t know him. He could be nice and he’s just in a pissy mood right now. Yea that’s probably it. I mean what could I have done to him? I don’t even know his name.

“What room will I be staying in?” Shit. We don’t have any open rooms. There’s not a chance I’m letting him stay in a room with my mom. He could have my room. But what if he ruins my All Might merch. “Well?!” He grabbed my hair and yanked me to his eye level.

“I don’t know! I don’t know. You could stay in my room if you want I guess, we don’t have any open rooms.”

“Fine. I’ll stay on your room.” He shoved Deku onto the floor and stormed off. He laid there on the floor, shaking slightly in fear of his father. Deku brushed a hand though his hair to see if he was bleeding. Luckily he wasn’t.

“Ok, ok. Ok ok ok ok ok ok. This isn’t that bad. It’s just one day. Things will be ok. This isn’t the end of the world. He’s just one man. You’ll be fineee. Just okie dokie. He wouldn’t hurt you would he? I mean why would he? I didn’t do anything too him. He’s just in a bad mood. The last time I saw him was when I was what? Five? Yeah, he didn’t hurt me. This is just a bad day for him. I mean he’s getting home at three in the morning, so who wouldn’t be cranky?”

He paced there for 2 more hours, finding more and more excuses for the way he acted. He finally went to the laundry room and found a few blankets, a empty plastic basket, some decorative pillows, and the sweatshirt he stole from All Might when he brought it to training in case it got cold.

He quickly slipped on the sweater, and set the pillows down in the basket. It was big on him, extremely big on him, as it had been big enough to fit All Might himself. He folded one of the blankets over the pillows, to provide more cushioning. He wrapped the other blanket around him and crawled into the basket.

He adjusted himself to be as comfortable as possible, and set a alarm for 7:40. It was around 5:25 when he had finally settled, and managed drift off into a troubled sleep.

He was awoken by the sounds of arguing and stomping feet. He checked the time. 6:47, are you kidding me? Could I please just get some sleep? I don’t want to disappoint All Might...

He decided to listen in on the conversation they were having.

“Why are you here!? I haven’t seen you in years and you just show up!? And then, you kick my son out of his room, wake me up, and demand I make you breakfast and lunch for while your out?”

“I finally come home to see my family, and this is the welcome I get? I get screamed at-

“You haven been here in years! You haven’t payed any child support, sent any letters, or do anything! This isn’t your home! Leave!”

Deku buried himself in the stolen sweater. At least it’s warm here. At least I’m safe...

Ok that’s where I’m leaving off, I will post more soon, be on the lookout and don’t be afraid to ask questions and talk about it.

[dancingazaleas]

jean kirstein | supportive

so this was completely self indulgent. i also wrote this because i’m tired of reading really unrealistic writings of what having a depressed lover is like and how you should take care of them. i’ve been diagnosed with MDD, so i’m just getting tired of seeing misrepresentation for it. i tried to make the reader as neutral as i could, i apologize if i couldn’t. also i don’t feel like using capital letters, i apologize. also sorry the spacing is weird, i originally wrote this when i was half asleep on my notes and just copied and pasted. i have a lot to apologize for.

notes/warnings: depressed reader, mentions of s3lf harm, cursing, reader & jean are 18, slight angst, pure fluff

“(name)... (name).... babe? c’mon, i need ya to wake up for me,” a voice you recognize says as they knock on your bedroom door.

you stumble over the clothes in your room and over to your bedroom door, struggling to open it. despite said struggles, you do manage to open the door. and you end up scurrying back to your messy, and comfortable bed.

jean walks in, one hand holding onto the strap of his backpack and the other holding onto a plastic bag with stuff that smells like snacks. he’s got a soft smile that instantly shifts into shock, disgust, and then into a frown.

your room was a mess. you hadn’t cleaned it since the start of your depressive episode, the same for yourself. you left the trash of fast food bags, unfinished sodas, and crumbled up bags of cheese-it’s. the fact you had been farting in your room and wouldn’t leave the door open to air it out made the smell worse.

he opens his arms, giving you the decision of if you wanted a hug or not, to which you accept. you’re cuddling your face into his chest, and you’re absolutely positive that you rank of BO and greasy hair. he doesn’t joke about anything yet though, he knows not to.

“you okay,” he’s so quiet, you barely hear him.

you respond with a shaky mumble, “no. sorry if i worried you.”

he pulls away and shakes his head at the claim you’ve just made.

“you didn’t mean to. it’s okay,” he kisses your forehead.

“have you eaten today?”

you think a little before you answer, “not much... haven’t eaten since lunch.”

“okay, i got us some snacks if you feel up to it. do you want to start cleaning your room before or after you eat,” he kicks off his shoes—he always waits until he’s in your room since he spends most of his time there.

“after, my stomach might feel fucked if i eat before. even though i’m not really the one cleaning,” you groan, going back under your covers.

“wanna talk about why you’re upset before or after we eat?” he’s tugging the covers off of your body, he knows you’ll try going back to bed.

“before. i’ll get hungry after crying.”

“okay,” it goes silent for a moment, and then, “i love you.”

“i love you too. thank you, and... sorry if i don’t seem appreciative of this, i don’t know what to say other than thank you.”

“i know you appreciate it. anyways, i’m gonna start picking up some of your clothes and maybe some of the sodas. wanna get in the shower while i do that?”

“yea. if you need to air out my room, open the window. close the door while you clean, don’t like my mom knowing you’re cleaning for me,” you sigh, getting out of bed and walking to your dresser to get underwear, a shirt, and shorts.

“okay. don’t miss me too much,” he’s suddenly hugging you from behind, and it makes you think he’s the one who will miss you. his stubble is tickling you a little as he rests his head on your shoulder, he just started growing it out.

you turn your head a little to look at him, taking notice of how long his hair was starting to get. he’d be turning 19 next year and would soon be getting an apartment with you.

and dear god, you were so ready for that to happen. you hate living with your mother.

“i love you,” you whisper to him once again, and for once your mind feels at peace for just a moment.

“i love you more,” he kisses your clothed shoulder and smiles.

“let me go shower so i can stop smelling like shit,” you chortle a little, grabbing a ‘Queen’ shirt—which used to be jean’s but you’ve stolen it—and some shorts.

he rolls his eyes, but obliges and lets you walk out of your room into the bathroom. you try avoiding the mirror as you get naked but it proves to be pointless when you catch a glimpse of a pimple. you almost want to kill jean for not pointing it out, but you know it would only hurt your feelings. you’ll take care of that after you shower.

he’s putting your clothes in the laundry hamper when you’re coming back into the room with the ones you just had on. he takes them from you and you started putting on deodorant and do your hair routine. you’ve taken care of your skin in the bathroom.

jean’s turning on your TV and pulls out a can of cold (favorite soda), placing it next to your hand on your—now—clear vanity.

“thank you,” you smile a little, wanting to laugh at how he’s standing behind you and watching intently.

“‘m almost done, jean.”

“did you brush your teeth? i don’t want to be in a comfortable snuggle position only for you to get up to brush your teeth,” he ignores the comment you’ve made.

“oh shit, no. thanks for reminding me. i haven’t brushed them in a couple days,” you sigh, scurrying off to the bathroom again and jean decides to pull out the vacuum he knows you keep in your closet.

he plugs it in and started vacuuming the best he can, and as he does so his mind shifts to levi. ‘i hang out with him too much...,’ he thinks to himself as he turns the vacuum off to see if the filter is clean.

you walk back in, “what the hell are you doing?”

“vacuuming,” he says nonchalantly, squatting a little to see if he got the floor under your vanity.

you laugh again, “i’m sorry. you don’t gotta do that.”

“i know. just wanted to,” he shrugs, unplugging it from the outlet and wrapping it back up.

you jump onto your bed, which now has clean sheets because of jean, and scoot toward the wall. jean closes your window and grabs your drink and scoots in behind you. he puts your drink onto the nightstand—his is already on it—and shuffles awkwardly to lay behind you.

“you wanna talk about it,” he asks, leaning on an elbow and looking at you.

“yeah...”

“whenever you’re ready, babe,” he takes ahold of your hand and kisses it.

“so, like, other than the shit about my mom i told you about, i don’t know. i don’t know what’s wrong, and i had that urge to just hurt myself. it scared me so bad. and what scares me is that i almost acted on it. like, am i okay? what the fuck is going on with me?? a-and i just kept pretending to be sick to my mom so i didn’t have to go to fucking school,” you start off slowly and start to cry as you think about what caused jean to come here, which was the abrupt disappearance of your presence at school.

“you’re okay. and i am so incredibly proud of you for not giving into the urge to harm yourself and for messaging me. unfortunately, you can’t avoid school until may. i need your dumbass to graduate,” you both giggle a little.

“i just.... i feel so bad about worrying everyone at school. like i didn’t mean to, but i fucking did. eren’s so fucking pissed at me right now, i just fucking know he is. god, i just want to be happy,” you sob and jean rubs your arm with his thumb to help soothe you a little.

“eren’s just pissed because he’s worried, but that doesn’t give him an excuse to be an ass towards you. you’ll be happy, my love, i know you will. you’ve just got to wait—let me finish—and i know you’ve been waiting for a long time, but it won’t just happen overnight y’know,” he smiles with an eyebrow raised at the end, nudging you with his elbow a little.

“maybe start being nicer to yourself, huh? you’re absolutely gorgeous, and i love you just the way you are, but my opinion shouldn’t matter. the only opinion on yourself that should matter is your own. and try speaking up more when floch and ymir hurt your feelings on accident,” jean tells you while he draws patterns into your skin with his fingers.

“it doesn’t feel like that, y’know? and like—i don’t want to be selfish or hurt anyone else or worry anyone else, cause what if that hurts them?”

he shakes his head, “babe, when it comes your own happiness, you’ve gotta be selfish sometimes. and calling floch and ymir out won’t hurt their feelings, sure, they’ll be a little pissy about it for a second but then apologize. it’s not like you’re telling them they’re cunts and to go fuck themselves. also, everyone will understand you being selfish in order to be happy. it might hurt or piss someone off in the moment when you make an action that’s selfish but in the long run, they’ll understand. and if they don’t, they’re a fucking doucher. answer this one question i’ve got for you.”

“okay...?”

“at the end of the day, who’re you gonna have?”

“myself...?”

jean starts nodding rapidly, reaching over to wipe snot off your face, “you’re going to have yourself at the end of the day. preferably, i’d like to say myself, but there are going to be times where i hurt your feelings unintentionally or where you’re pissed at me, and that’s okay. you’ve gotta start being selfish and i know it’s hard, but i promise you it’ll be so rewarding in the end.”

you sniffle a little and nod while you listen.

“and about being sad in general without provocation. it happens. it’s okay to be sad sometimes babe, it’s a normal human emotion and it just means you’re living correctly. but if you’re sad because of nothing for weeks on end, then maybe it’s time to try to do something. it’s okay to ask for help. maybe talk to your mom about increasing the dosage of your anti-depressants and going back to therapy?”

“i don’t know how.”

“you could write her a letter and tape it somewhere you know she’ll look. if you can’t talk about it face-to-face, write that in the letter,” you nod again at him, quietly asking for a hug.

he responds by just giving it, and hums happily.

“i love you so much,” he whispers, squeezing you tighter.

“i love you too,” you laugh and whisper at the same time.

jean knows this isn’t going to immediately make you happy, but sometimes what you need is to just be reminded that it’s okay to feel this way and that in the end it’ll all be okay. and for right now, that’s all you really need.

[hopelesshawks]

Physical Fatality Part 4- Task Force Bonding

18+ Hawks x fem, pro hero!reader

Summary: You’re a rising star in All Might’s agency. Hawks is the darling of Endeavor’s. By virtue of your job descriptions, the two of you are supposed to hate each other, or at the very least be cautiously neutral. For a long time that’s exactly what the two of you did. You stayed out of each other’s way and formed little opinion of the other. One fateful night at an HPSC gala changes all that. Based on the album Hopeless Fountain Kingdom by Halsey.

If you don’t want to see Physical Fatality content blacklist #hopelesspf

This story will have multiple NSFW parts so it is 18+ ONLY minors dni

Warnings for alcoholism mention, hand job, fingering

Masterlist

“Boys, I’ve got an announcement,” Hawks declares as he strolls into the office and grabs a seat by Shoto and Tokoyami. “Is it an explanation of what the fuck you did last night to end up soaking wet and late to evacuate from an emergency?” Shoto asks. “Actually yes it is,” Hawks replies smugly. “Wait actually? Ok what is it?” Tokoyami says as both he and Shoto turn to give Hawks their full attention. “I’m in love,” Hawks declares. Tokoyami and Shoto both groan and go back to paying attention to the tasks they’d been focused on when Hawks first walked in. “Hey what’s with those reactions?” Hawks pouts. “We already know you think you’re in love with Mirko. We were expecting actual news,” Shoto says by way of explanation. “What? No, not Mirko. Mirko and I are done. Mirko is dead,” Hawks says. “Mirko is dead?” “Not literally Shoto.” “Right. Who are you in love with then?” “I don’t actually know her name.”

Hawks does not appreciate the incredulous looks both Tokoyami and Shoto give him. “Will you guys just let me explain! Look it was like when I first saw her it was like magnets. There was just something pulling me towards her. So, of course, I had to approach her,” Hawks explains. “She rejected you didn’t she?” Tokoyami interrupts. “Oh is that why you don’t know her name?” Shoto asks. “No! Oh my god let me finish,” Hawks says exasperatedly. “Ok, ok we’ll let you finish,” Tokoyami cedes as he and Shoto both raise their hands in surrender. “Thank you. As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted,” Hawks starts again with a roll of his eyes, “I approached her and we got talking and she suggests we go to the hotel bar. Except we get there and it’s closed. So we steal a bottle and break into the hotel pool.” “Hence the soaking wet part,” Shoto says. “Exactly, hence the soaking wet part. Anyway we had a magical evening and even more magical sex and I’ve never met anyone like her before and I’m in love,” Hawks finishes. “Why the fuck didn’t you get her name then?” Tokoyami asks. “The goddamn alarm went off. Apparently she just broke off an engagement or something so she didn’t want the scandal of us going outside together and I forgot to ask her before she ran off,” Hawks admits. “So what’s the game plan?” Shoto asks. “Try and find her I guess. She was there alone so she must be a top hero, it’s just a matter of figuring out which one,” Hawks shrugs. Before he can start pitching his ideas for discovering your identity, he is interrupted by Endeavor’s voice summoning the three men into his office. Shoto rolls his eyes and Tokoyami just shrugs, before all three of them stand and do as told.

Endeavor looks pissed. Hawks briefly wonders if he somehow found out about the stolen bottle or lock picking from the previous night but dismisses that thought. The press hadn’t caught wind of you and his private party in the pool so he sincerely doubts Endeavor did. Furthermore, as long as he wasn’t putting up bad headlines Endeavor generally didn’t care what Hawks did. Endeavor had faith in him and he so rarely made the news for anything particularly scandalous that he generally only got a slap on the wrist on the odd occasion he did have a slightly too public breakup. Finally, if this were about last night why were Shoto and Tokoyami called in? “So it turns out the emergency last night wasn’t an accident. It’s still unclear who’s responsible but the HPSC is classifying this as top priority since it looks like it was an attempt to wipe out all the top heroes while we were gathered in one place,” Endeavor explains. “Ok? Why do you look like All Might pissed in your cereal?” Shoto asks with a raised eyebrow. “Shoto!” Endeavor chastises. “What? Am I wrong? Why are you so pissed?” Shoto presses. Endeavor sighs heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose as if Shoto is giving him a migraine. He probably is. “The reason I am… less than thrilled, is because the HPSC has requested we form a task force with the top three heroes from All Might’s agency in order to tackle the issue,” Endeavor admits. “Oh nice, it’s been a minute since I talked to Izuku or Bakugo,” Shoto shrugs. “Who’s the third top in their agency now? Is it still Monoma?” Tokoyami asks. “Jesus you UA kids really are ridiculous,” Hawks comments. “Whatever Mr. Youngest Pro to break top 5 in history,” Shoto replies. “To answer your question Tokoyami,” Endeavor says pointedly as he gives Hawks and Shoto a look, “I’m not sure. It’s not Monoma anymore it’s some girl now. I believe her hero name is Artemis. She moved up after the annual announcement ceremony so her new ranking technically hasn’t been announced yet.” “I’m sure Monoma loved that,” Tokoyami chuckles. “In any case you all will find out who she is soon enough. We’re going to All Might’s office to meet with them in a minute,” Endeavor declares.

“So let me get this straight,” Bakugo says as you pretend to do paperwork, “you evacuated the building almost twenty minutes late, giving Deku a heart attack and almost necessitating a search team to go in, only to arrive dripping wet with no explanation, because you were having some of the best, most mind blowing sex of your life with a mystery man.” “Yep,” you reply shortly. “And you didn’t bother to fucking get his name or number?” He asks incredulously. “Yea sounds about right,” you say. “Why not (y/n)? Maybe he’s the love of your life? Maybe you two are destined to be together and that’s why you felt such a pull to him,” Midoriya suggests. It amazes you sometimes how someone so terrifying in battle can be such an optimistic puppy outside of it. “I don’t do relationships Izu, you know this,” you sigh, giving up on being productive. “You did with Monoma,” he points out. “Yea, because I had to for the sake of my career. And look how that turned out,” you argue. “You know it’s not the same thing dumbass,” Bakugo interjects. “Look, last night was fucking incredible, I’ll admit, but that’s it. Mystery man would want nothing to do with me the moment he realized how messy I actually am,” you sigh. “That’s not true,” Midoriya insists. “Why are we talking about me anyway when Bakugo finally fucked Red Riot?” you whine. “What? Kacchan is that true?” “Both of you shut the fuck up!”

Hawks will never get used to how deeply the Endeavor-All Might feud runs within the agencies, especially lower down the ladder. As he, Shoto, Tokoyami, and Endeavor enter the lobby the other heroes of the agency whisper amongst themselves. He doesn’t bother trying to parse out what they’re saying. He knows it will be the usual outlandish rumors about his boss and how horrid he, Tokoyami, and Shoto must be to stand the man at all. He’s not worried about Dynamight and Deku. As fiercely loyal as they are to All Might, he also knows they went to school with Tokoyami and Shoto, which makes them immune to the ridiculous rumors. The mysterious third top hero he’s more curious about. If you only just got promoted that means you’d been amongst the gossiping lower ranked heroes for much of your career and may be more inclined to believe them. He only hopes you’ll at least be professional enough not to let it interfere with work. The four of them take the elevator to the top floor and step out into the main office space there as Endeavor leads the way to All Might’s office. Hawks notices Shoto and Tokoyami throw a wave to someone so he turns to see who. He notices Bakugo and Midoriya first but as his eyes slide to see who the third person with them is he stops in his tracks. There you are: his mystery girl. He’d been worried he’d never see you again and yet there you are. As if sensing his eyes on you, you turn only to make eye contact with him. Your eyes go wide as you seem to recognize him back. He tries to think of something, anything, to say or do but before he can Shoto notices him lagging behind and with a roll of his eyes drags him into All Might’s office behind the rest of the Endeavor squad.

“What the fuck,” you say still in shock. Bakugo and Midoriya both turn to look at you confused. “What is it (y/n) are you ok?” Midoriya asks concerned. “Oh my god, that’s him. That’s fucking mystery man,” you tell them. “HAWKS is your mystery man?” Midoriya asks shocked. “No wonder you didn’t walk out with him. Imagine if the press found out you hooked up with someone from Endeavor’s agency the same day you ended your engagement with someone from your own,” Bakugo notes. “In my defense I didn’t know he’s in Endeavor’s agency,” you groan. “Didn’t know? Everyone knows Hawks is Endeavor’s right hand man. Dude is insanely loyal,” Midoriya comments. “I didn’t know he was Hawks!” you defend. “What the fuck other pro hero has giant ass red wings?” Bakugo asks you incredulously. “I’ve never fucking seen Hawks before so shoot me!” you defend. “How is that possible? What about during the hero ranking broadcasts, he’s been number two for years now,” Midoriya points out. “I don’t watch those. Who gives a fuck what ranking heroes are as long as they’re doing their jobs,” you comment. “Ok, what about last year? You physically went to the event with Monoma to support him,” Midoriya points out. “Oh I was completely blacked out, I don’t remember anything from that,” you shrug. Midoriya looks horrified and Bakugo mildly impressed. “What? You know he was always at his worst during events like that, I wasn’t going to go through that sober,” you defend yourself. “We need to have a serious talk later about your alcoholism,” Midoriya tells you. “Ah but I’m a fully functioning alcoholic who doesn’t drink on the job so it’s sexy.” “I- That’s-,” Midoriya stutters but before he can cobble together a sentence All Might is calling the three of you into his office. “We’re finishing this conversation later,” Midoriya warns you. “No, we’re not,” you singsong as the three of you go to join the others.

“I know you guys are familiar with Dynamight and Deku but this is Artemis. I’m sure you’ll all get along just fine,” All Might says by way of introduction. “I’m Shoto,” a man with half-white, half-red hair tells you, extending a hand. “Oh shit you’re icy hot,” you blurt out as you shake his hand. You can hear Bakugo snicker beside you as All Might gives you a look. “I mean, uh, I’ve heard a lot about you from Midoriya and Bakugo. Nice to meet you,” you recover sheepishly. “It’s quite alright. I’ve missed Bakugo’s nicknames somewhat,” Todoroki smirks. “Shut it Todoroki,” your friend replies with a roll of his eyes. “I don’t even want to know what Bakugo calls me but Tokoyami should work just fine,” a man with a bird head introduces himself. “Nice to meet you Tokoyami,” you grin as you shake his hand too.

As you finally turn to Hawks you think you could combust on the spot. Your gaze meets his and it’s just as electric as it was that first time. Your heart is pounding out of your chest and you have no idea how you’re expected to be professional with him when not even half an hour ago you were telling your friends all about how good his dick was, thinking you’d never see him again. “Name’s Hawks. It’s nice to meet you Artemis,” he grins as he extends a hand out to you. Damn him for being so cool and composed right now. “Likewise,” you reply, trying desperately not to let your panic show on your face as you shake hands with him. You almost don’t want to let back go but you yell at your brain to release him and remind yourself that you will not be pursuing anything with the admittedly charming man in front of you. “You know,” Shoto suddenly pipes up, “it would probably be a good idea for all of us to get to know each other since we will need to work together for who knows how long to get this matter settled.” Tokoyami quickly clues in to the plan. “Oh yea that’s a great point. It’s been a long time since we caught up with Bakugo and Midoriya and I can’t wait to get to know you a little better Artemis,” he chimes in. Oblivious but loving the idea all the same, Midoriya is quick to agree as well. Before you know it you’re being ushered into the back of a taxi, sandwiched between your two closest friends on the way to Shoto’s house for “task-force bonding” or whatever Midoriya had decided to call it.

Meanwhile, Hawks, Tokoyami, and Shoto pile into their own ride, after not-so-gently reminding Hawks that not all of them could fly so easily as him. “So much for your mystery girl. If you eye-fucked Artemis any harder All Might and Endeavor may have actually clued in. You’re welcome for suggesting this by the way,” Shoto says. “No, no you don’t understand Artemis is mystery girl,” Hawks explains, shaking his head in disbelief. “Are you serious?” Tokoyami asks. Hawks can only nod enthusiastically. “You owe me cold soba for a month for setting this up then,” Shoto replies easily. “Deal. Holy shit, ok, operation convince Artemis to date me is a go,” Hawks says. “That’s a horrible idea,” Tokoyami points out, “if this goes sideways you still have to work with her for God knows how long.” “Shhh, let him have his fun. If nothing else it will be entertaining to watch,” Shoto says. “Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence. Just watch, it’ll be easy,” Hawks assures them.

Spoiler alert: it was not easy.

You avoided being alone with him for as long as you could. An impressive feat really, considering Midoriya seemed to be the only person in attendance not determined to get you to have a one-on-one conversation with the man. This meant you stuck pretty closely to Midoriya’s side, but, unfortunately, Midoriya had been serious about being concerned by your drinking habits, so sticking close to him meant staying far more sober than you would like to be to deal with your possible feelings for Hawks. Even with Midoriya as a shield from alone time Hawks had managed to get your real name, favorite movie, and favorite song out of you. That’s already too much information for a previous hook up to have. Eventually you decide you’re definitely going to need alcohol to get through this night so you sneak into the kitchen when no one is looking in search of booze. You’re rummaging through the cabinets when Hawks finally manages to track you down. “You won’t find anything in here. Shoto keeps most of his alcohol downstairs,” Hawks says, startling you. You clear your throat and quickly close the cabinet door you’d opened. “That obvious?” you ask sheepishly. “You’ve looked like you could use a drink since we got here. C’mon, I’ll show you,” Hawks says before turning around and heading down a hallway leading away from the others. You debate for a moment but in the end that mysterious magnetism binding you and Hawks together has your feet carrying you down the hallway after him.

He leads you to the basement where there’s an entire bar as well as a cozy living room. “Grab a seat and I’ll bring something over,” Hawks says gesturing to the couch as he moves to the bar. You take a seat and have to resist the urge to fidget as your nerves take over. You keep thinking about how much of a bad idea this is but your traitorous heart keeps you in place. Hawks pulls down a decanter of whiskey and pours both of you a glass. He carries both glasses over, with one of his feathers placing the decanter on the coffee table nearby, but as you reach to grab one he pulls it out of reach. “Ah, ah, ah. First, why don’t you tell me why you’re avoiding me,” he says. “Who says I’m avoiding you?” You ask. “Don’t insult my intelligence,” he replies immediately. “Fair enough,” you sigh, “look it’s not anything you did but last night was a one time thing. As incredible as it was, there can’t be a repeat.” “That felt like a one time thing to you?” he asks although he does finally relent and give you your glass as he takes a seat beside you. “Yep,” you lie before taking a large sip of your drink. “Liar. I know you felt what I did. That was something more. Something incredible,” he insists getting just a bit closer to you. Your heart races at his proximity but you try to stay on task. “Look I know you’re dying to get to know me, but as soon as you do you’ll wish that you never did,” you insist. “I seriously doubt that,” he replies with a shrug. “I’m serious! I’m practically an alcoholic, when I’m not working I party a lot just to get my brain to shut up, and I’m such a mess I was going to marry someone just to try and save myself from tabloid headlines and in doing so save my career,” you ramble on. “You’re overthinking this,” he tells you as he finally gets close enough that your thighs are brushing and he brings one hand up to cup your check. “Everywhere I go since I got promoted I’ve got a million different people all wanting to know me and yet I’m still alone. What makes you any different?” you ask, your eyes searching his for something even you aren’t sure of. “I’ve felt the same exact thing since I was 18,” he confesses. “I know you want to slip under my armor Hawks but I can’t,” you finally admit and it’s desperate because your resolve is starting to waver as he leans in closer to you. “Keigo.” “What?” “You want proof this is different? There it is. You’re now one of the only people in the entire world that knows that name. If I can trust you with that, surely you can trust me,” he tells you. You’re speechless. Absolutely speechless. You swore you wouldn’t get into a relationship but your heart is running rampant in your chest. “Just one chance Love. I’m not asking you to love me yet.” “Yet?” “Yet. For now I’m just asking for a chance. Ok?” “Ok Keigo.”

When he finally closes the distance between you two to press his lips to yours it’s like getting your first taste of oxygen after suffocating. It’s a sweeter kiss this time, lacking the urgency from the previous night. It’s like he knows beneath everything your heart is still kind of delicate. His hands move to your waist as he gently pushes you back so you’re laying down on the couch, him following you down until he’s on top of you, his legs straddling your own. There are probably a million reasons you shouldn’t be doing this but you can’t recall a single one as one of his hands slips beneath the hem of your shirt. All the thoughts you had of pushing him away earlier in the night abandon you in favor of their polar opposite. Now you cannot possibly get him close enough. Before long he deftly slides a hand down your pants and into your panties. “Fuck, you’re already so wet for me,” he groans. “Of course, I am, I haven’t been able to get you out of my head since last night,” you reply and you’re shocked by your honesty. “Me too, baby. Me too,” Hawks pants as he slips one of his fingers inside of you. You gasp at the sensation as his finger drags along your inner wall, almost immediately finding that one spot that has you damn near seeing stars. You’re eager to return the favor so as he inserts a second and third finger you reach one of your hands down his pants to grasp hold of his hard and leaking erection. Your thumb swipes over the head to collect some of the precum gathering there before you begin working his shaft, sliding your hand up and down along it in time with the way his fingers move inside of you. You never thought something so simple could feel so incredible. The two of you move in tandem, your hips starting to buck into each thrust of his fingers and him fucking into your hand like he could never get enough. The two of you haven’t even bothered to remove your clothes, just loosened things enough to gain the access you need. His thumb begins to press circles to your clit and shortly thereafter the two of you finally reach climax together, his seed spilling on your hand and shirt as you cum around his fingers. Even as the two of you are coming down, he presses kisses to your lips, your neck, your cheek, and just about anywhere else he can reach.

“I’m gonna need a new shirt,” you finally huff out as you slowly start to collect yourself, wiping your hand off on your shirt since it’s ruined already anyway. Keigo laughs and you have to admit it’s one of the most beautiful sights you’ve ever seen. “You can borrow my over shirt. I guess it’s a good thing I wore layers,” he laughs as he shifts to give you space to straighten out your jeans and remove your now soiled shirt. He takes off the plaid shirt he’d been wearing and hands it to you, leaving him in just a black tee. You put on the borrowed shirt and button it up as he too straightens himself out so it’s at least a little less obvious what the two of you have been getting up two. As you finish adjusting your clothing Keigo leans in to kiss you one more time, before whispering against your lips “You won’t regret this. I promise.”

For some reason you’re inclined to believe him.

Author’s Note: This is probably obvious but I’m gonna say it anyway READER’S RELIANCE ON ALCOHOL IS VERY UNHEALTHY. Midoriya is right to be concerned. On a more fun note, if any of you are curious yes the others realized that Hawks and (y/n) were suspiciously absent, yes they knew even before the two of them came back upstairs what they’d been up to. Bakugo, Todoroki, and Tokoyami even placed bets on how long it would take for it to happen Todoroki won

Taglist [open]: @akkaso @cathy8taffy @eeppff @iikillerkitteh

[its5amandimbored]

Part two of my fowl twins memes/review/reaction Ok so I reread all the artemis fowl books and made memes on them which you can find down here (I'll be keeping the fowl twins stuff in there too, just to keep everything together)

Artemis fowl memes

I basically decided to blindly read the fowl twins and react to it and talk about while also sprinkling in some memes

Find the first part here

Previous

Also you probably shouldn't see this until you've read the book or be prepared for spoilers. Fair warning.

I will say I think myles is much more immature then artemis. He's trying way to hard to be "adult" and that's a very childish trait. Artemis was like that due to trauma. He was forced as a child to refer to his dad as "father" and be professional, even setting up appointments via email to see his father and have "buisness meetings" when he was 10. He had to greet his father with a formal, firm handshake. And he wore a suit after his father was proclaimed missing assumed dead, due to the trauma of loosing his father and having been brainwashed by his father that he was to be the "man of the house" and take charge and be in control of the finances and the manor. He stole the lemur and even kidnapped holly due to the last words his father ever told him was talking about how he had to save the family and make sure they're money didn't go. He had to watch his family's money go down until they didn't even have enough to pay for any staff including butler (which by the way it is mentioned butler continues to be with artemis without pay for a bit and I'm telling you he doesn't see that as a job. He was going to take care of that child money or no money) and watch his mother go into insanity along with deal with his father being probably dead. That stuff changed him. He was always a genius but his childhood how he was raised and what happened is what made him into the suit wearing, mature, almost adult like, person we see in the books. He was forced to grow up. He doesnt act like this because he doesn't want to be childish hell we even see him in the 6th book wishing he could've had a normal childhood and had, had the chance to be childish.

But myles wears a suit just to copy his brother and disregards childish things just because. There's really no reason other then he believes genius=adult. He seems very immature and very childish. This is one of the reasons I wanted to see artemis in the books. Wouldn't it be fascinating to see him talk to his brother in the second or third book and explain to him why what he was doing was childish. And why myles had to learn to grow up and embrace who he is and what he likes instead of just acting like what he thought was the "proper adult" myles even tries to be someone he's not. He makes the comment that he shouldn't be so "dramatic" because it's the "enemy of science" but that's part of who he is. Even artemis never denied that part of himself. He was a dramatic little shit and not only aknowleded it several times but truly loved that part of himself. Because artemis was never trying to be an adult or mature he just was like that due to his life. I'd love to see artemis and myles talk and see this interaction but I guess we won't. Still salty about that.

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Teddy when seeing a whole ass island straight up disappearing:

Like he was way to nonchalant about this

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I just find it cute that artemis was like "sure y'all can just fly around my house and train :)" the lep are like "we create zones far away from human civilization where fairies can we can train and fly around. Oh and there's one by the house of the guy who kidnapped one of us. Yea he caused some chaos in our life for a few years and anytime the end of the world was happening it was safe to assume he was somewhere nearby and yea we had no problems until he came and caused all the problems but he also like saved us a bunch of time so we're good now. We spy on him, he spies on us. he uses our technology, we train around his house. He's our bud." Like you guys have a very weird relationship

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Ok. So I've just been introduced to our magical main character... And it's a hybrid (very interesting. I did wonder while reading the original if they were ever going to address like fairies and pixies or something coming together to have a baby because I mean you can't tell me that never happened. So I'm glad they're actually addressing that here and giving some information on it) named lazuli. And she's blue. A blue skinned girl who can fly named lazuli... I'm just going to tell you guys right now all I'm gonna see in my head every single time I imagine this character is

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I'm really glad they're going over the different perspectives on artemis fowl. Like some people would trust him like he has saved countless lives due to his quick thinking and did become a good guy by the end and has helped fairies more then hurt them and even sacrificed himself for them. But some people wouldn't. At the end of the day he did kidnap a fairy, steal fairy technology which then got stolen by a horrible person who could've destroyed fairy civilization, manipulate and trick his way into getting a copy of their sacred book and put them in danger multiple times. I've seen a post talking about how fairies would view artemis after the series that I really liked over here plus some amazing art on it over here

Definitely give those a look but this reminded me of those

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Myles is such a little shit and I love it. This is definitely the type of prank artemis fowl's little brother would play. Also would love to imagine one day artemis if in space and realizes what his code means and realizes what myles did and just in the middle of space butler can see his face go like

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I will say I didn't like that they kind of dumbed up beckett. Like I thought he was going to be like butler or mulch, like not the smartest person In the room (to be fair the other ones in the room are foaly, artemis and myles. All certified geniuses) but still really smart and clever and able to keep up and think of their own plans. Like this is the kid who at 4 years old tricked his genius twin brother into giving him the code to open Artemis' room and sneak around. The kid who again at four years old was able to listen to butler, learn a move and perfect it to use his body's momentum to stun opal even if it was only temporarily. Like he was a clever and smart kid at 4 and for the most part able to keep up with his twin brother. His personality and interests may haven been very different and he may not have been a genius but that wasn't to say he was dumb either. He also doesn't even act or sound like an 11 year old. I've dealt with a lot of kids and beckett is behaving more like a 5 year old. I understand him not acting like artemis who was forced to grow up and mature, or myles whos trying really hard to act grown up and is very intelligent, but I was expecting a clever 11 year old, not a cosmo from fairly odd parents type of character. I'm still in the first few chapters so maybe we'll see him shine later but so far I'd like to see more of beckett's intelligence.

Next

[id-rather-be-an-outsider]

International Student

Meg Thomas x Rin Yamaoka

word count: 1579

summary: Meg goes overseas for college at a fancy university, which just so happens to be Rin’s university... and things get interesting when they wind up in the same restaurant ;)

a/n: college au. fluff and very minimal angst? this was originally posted on the DBD Amino back in June 2019. hope you like this little throwback!

masterlist

The first time Rin saw her, it was early in the morning. The sun was peaking over the horizon, and she was walking to her first class of the day. It was just a quick glimpse – a runner, charging past her, huffing and puffing, her stride smooth and swift. The sun framed the girl’s red hair and made it look as if it were on fire. Just a glimpse, just a glimpse. But Rin decided orange was her new favorite color. Not the bright orange like the mandarin, but the deep scarlet of a tiger lily, the kind her manager imported to add aesthetic value to the upscale restaurant.

The next time Rin saw her, it was late at night. She recognized the flaming red hair amongst a group of young people, all slender and with athletic frames, looking well-fed. She guessed the girl was on the track team from her university. They chattered amongst themselves as they walked through the door of the restaurant, the tinkling bell signaling their entrance.

Her coworker must’ve caught her staring, because she said, “Hey Rin, I’ve got to use the restroom, think you can take that group for me?” And winked at her before walking away. Rin cursed her coworker as she watched the host seat the group of athletes and look to her, seemingly saying, ‘get to work, girl’. Rin sighed to herself as she grabbed a notepad and a pen out of her pocket and walked over to the table, hoping to get it over with before she embarrassed herself.

Apparently, that wasn’t a possibility, as the first words that came out of her mouth were, “Hi beautiful… people! I’m Rin, and I’ll be your girlf- girl server today,” she emphasized server in hopes that no one caught her slip-ups, but could tell from the looks on everyone’s faces that they all caught them, “Can I start you guys off with some drinks?”

The entire table listed off what they wanted, until the ginger asked, “What would you recommend? I’ve never been here before.”

“I can’t afford to eat here myself, but if I could I’d get the redhead- I mean, the Red Lotus. I’ve stolen a sip of it before from a coworker’s drink, and I can tell you, nobody in town makes it like we do.” Seriously!? Rin thought to herself, brain, can you just, not embarrass me right now?

The redhead’s freckled face flushed red and her friends laughed, causing Rin to do the same. She whirled around and ran away, humiliated.

In the back room, Rin threw off her apron, shoved her notepad in her coworker’s face, grabbed her bag and fled out the back door.

“Ah shit.” The redhead said as she got up, her teammates guffawing at the commotion her very presence had caused.

“Better go hit that, Meg!” One of the guys joked, at which she turned to face him, eyes blazing even more than her hair.

“It’s not fucking funny, and if you learned to run as fast as you talk, we wouldn’t have lost our last meet! So please, shut the hell up for once in your life.” She rushed in pursuit of Rin, but ran into another waitress. “Where did she go?”

“Rin? Out the back, but you can’t just-”

Meg pushed past the waitress, “Sorry, no time to waste!” Burst through the back door, and chased after the thin frame that was Rin the Waitress. “Hey, wait!” The girl sped up, but it made no difference as Meg caught up to her in quick time. “Hey, hey, I’m so-“

“Just leave me alone!” Rin shouted at her, turning to face her. “If you’d noticed how awkward I was acting, you could’ve just done nothing! That would’ve been better.” Meg saw the mascara running down Rin’s face and felt her stomach twist.

“My friends are stupid, I’m sorry, I- I don’t even know why I call them my friends, they’re just my teammates, really... I guess I don’t have any friends here, now that I think about it.”

Rin sniffled. “Well, that makes two of us, then.

“Look, I’m really sorry.” She pulled out her wallet and ruffled around in it, pulling out a few a few yen. “I know this won’t cover much, it’s all I have on me right now until I go to the bank, but-”

“-Save it.”

“What?”

“Save your money, I don’t want it. It’s my fault for overreacting.” Rin said.

“I want to make it up to you, please,” Meg pleaded, “When are you off? I could… I could take you on a date there, I could-” Rin giggled. “What are you laughing at?” Meg asked.

“Wouldn’t it be weird if you took me on a date where I work?” She replied, smiling. Meg decided she liked it when she made Rin the Waitress smile. “Besides, I still don’t even know your name.”

“Oh! Right, uh- I’m Meg,” Meg said, “And I guess I wasn’t thinking about that. I can take you somewhere else, though? I know a really great yakitori place downtown that charges a reasonable price.” Rin laughed again, and her nose crinkled up in the cutest way, Meg noticed. “Okay, is there something wrong with my hair? I know I’m not that funny, so I don’t know what you’re laughing at.”

Rin stifled her laughter and said, “I just find it humorous that foreigners always pick that place to eat, is all.”

Meg crossed her arms. “How do you know it’s the same place everyone else goes to?”

“I just know, is all.”

“Okay, bet!”

“Bet.”

Two days later, Rin smugly announced, “It appears I was correct.”

Meg rolled her eyes. “Okay, fine, you win.”

Rin grinned, “My father taught me to only to bet if you know you’re going to win.” Meg’s face grew distant, and Rin backstepped. “I’m sorry, did I say something rude? I- I’m-”

“No, no,” Meg reassured Rin, “You’re fine. It’s just… my dad left me. It happened when I was a baby, so I don’t remember him, but I don’t know… sometimes I wonder what he would’ve taught me if he were around.”

“If it’s any consolation, I think your mother did a fantastic job taking care of you. You’re here, right? In college?” Rin said, gently putting a hand on Meg’s shoulder.

“Yea, here, when I should be back home taking care of her. She’s sick, but she told me to go anyways.” Meg explained.

Rin nodded in understanding. “I can relate to that. My mother’s sick too, it’s… it’s why I’m waitressing, actually, to try and lessen the financial load on my father a bit.”

Meg smiled. “Glad to know somebody who gets it, at least.” Rin returned the smile, and the girls stood there, looking into each other’s eyes, until a gust of wind caused Rin to shiver. Meg snapped out of her haze and suggested, “Let’s go inside, before you catch a cold.”

Jokingly, Rin said, “Worry about yourself, Meg.” But walked through the door Meg pulled open for her.

After the meal, they bundled back up and walked down a street containing a few couples, savory smells wafting through the air, and a mixture of neon lights and paper lanterns strung up. It looked like a scene straight from a romance novel.

“Thank you for this, Meg. I’ve had a fun time. Usually I can’t afford to go out to eat, but it was a nice experience.” Rin smiled sweetly, nose crinkling again.

Meg replied, “I usually can’t either, but if I have the money now, why not? Even if it is just college money, it’s just sitting there.”

“That’s another thing we have in common, then.” Rin said.

After a few moments of silence, Meg spoke up. “Rin?”

“Yes, Meg?”

“I just… I just wanted to reiterate how sorry I am.” Meg mumbled sheepishly.

“It’s fine. It’s all made up for now, isn’t it?” Rin said, a skip in her step. “Everything is fine.”

“Well, not everything.”

“What do you mean?” Rin asked. Meg stopped, and Rin stopped with her, confused. Meg reached out, tentatively at first, then stronger once she saw Rin wasn’t backing away. She gently pushed Rin’s hair out of her face and behind her ears, and let her hand rest there, just barely touching Rin’s skin. She wanted to do more, but she told herself to wait.

“The first time I saw you, running past you on campus? The sun made your skin look like honey, and your eyes… it turned them golden.” She stared intensely into Rin’s eyes. Rin knew she was supposed to do something, but she had no idea what, so she stared back. “I just had to make sure I wasn’t wrong about that.”

Rin’s mind jumbled around for something to say. “And your eyes… they’re green.”

Meg laughed. “Yea, they are, isn’t that funny? Green’s lucky in Japan, right?”

Rin laughed too. “No, that’s China.”

“Oh.” Meg shrugged. “Well, I’m still lucky enough to have found you, aren’t I?”

“I don’t know, are you?” Rin asked, still slightly unsure.

Meg leaned in. “I can’t be sure yet, but I’d like to think so.”

The girls closed their eyes and Rin closed the distance between their lips. The warm lighting of the lanterns combined with the noisy sounds of the city perfectly set the scene for the two young ladies. They may have seemed to be worlds apart, both literally and figuratively, but right then they were closer than ever, in every meaning of the phrase.

separator images found here

[absynthe--minded]

Fëanor’s Appearances in HoME, Part 1: The Books of Lost Tales

This is a project I’m embarking on at the request of my Discord server, cataloguing every appearance Fëanor makes in the drafts of the Histories with a quote and a location in the text. I’m including mentions of his works if his name comes up, as well as his relationships with other people. This is probably going to be edited a lot, as I’m not perfect and I’m just one researcher, so if I miss something, let me know and I’ll add it in!

This is not intended to support or debunk any particular textual reading.

I was informed that a list of these quotes (particularly focusing on his ties to his family) would be helpful, and I’ve had some interest in posting it here. I am presenting exactly what the text says, drawing from searchable digitized ePub files. I’ll probably make a masterpost, but for now the tag to watch for is “#fëanorspotting”.

Below the cut for Length.

The Book of Lost Tales vol. 1:

V. The Coming of the Elves and the Making of Kôr:

“Then arose Fëanor of the Noldoli and fared to the Solosimpi and begged a great pearl, and he got moreover an urn full of the most luminous phosphor-light gathered of foam in dark places, and with these he came home, and he took all the other gems and did gather their glint by the light of white lamps and silver candles, and he took the sheen of pearls and the faint half-colours of opals, and he [?bathed] them in phosphorescence and the radiant dew of Silpion, and but a single tiny drop of the light of Laurelin did he let fall therein, and giving all those magic lights a body to dwell in of such perfect glass as he alone could make nor even Aulë compass, so great was the slender dexterity of the fingers of Fëanor, he made a jewel - and it shone of its own……… radiance in the uttermost dark; and he set it therein and sat a very long while and gazed at its beauty. Then he made two more, and had no more stuffs: and he fetched the others to behold his handiwork, and they were utterly amazed, and those jewels he called Silmarilli, or as we say the name in the speech of the Noldoli today Silubrilthin. Wherefore though the Solosimpi held ever that none of the gems of the Noldoli, not even that majestic shimmer of diamonds, overpassed their tender pearls, yet have all held who ever saw them that the Silmarils of Fëanor were the most beautiful jewels that ever shone or [?glowed].”

Commentary on V.:

“Features that remained are the generosity of the Noldor in the giving of their gems and the scattering of them on the shores (cf. The Silmarillion p. 61: ‘Many jewels the Noldor gave them [the Teleri], opals and diamonds and pale crystals, which they strewed upon the shores and scattered in the pools’); the pearls that the Teleri got from the sea (ibid.); the sapphires that the Noldor gave to Manwë (‘His sceptre was of sapphire, which the Noldor wrought for him’, ibid. p. 40); and, of course, Fëanor as the maker of the Silmarils—although, as will be seen in the next tale, Fëanor was not yet the son of Finwë (Nólemë).”

VI. The Theft of Melko and the Darkening of Valinor:

“The other Elves heeded these things not over much, and were at times sad and fearful at the lessened gladness of their kinsmen. Great mirth had Melko at this and wrought in patience biding his time, yet no nearer did he get to his end, for despite all his labours the glory of the Trees and the beauty of the gems and the memory of the dark ways from Palisor held back the Noldoli—and ever Nólemë spake against Melko, calming their restlessness and discontents. At length so great became [Nólemë’s] care that he took counsel with Fëanor, and even with Inwë and Ellu Melemno (who then led the Solosimpi), and took their rede that Manwë himself be told of the dark ways of Melko.”

“Now Melko knew that it was indeed war for ever between himself and all those other folk of Valinor, for he had slain the Noldoli—guests of the Valar—before the doors of their own homes. With his own hand indeed he slew Bruithwir father of Fëanor, and bursting into that rocky house that he defended laid hands upon those most glorious gems, even the Silmarils, shut in a casket of ivory. Now all that great treasury of gems he despoiled, and lading himself and all his companions to the utmost he seeks how he may escape.”

“At length that daytide of festival is over and the Gods are turned back towards Valmar, treading the white road from Kôr. The lights twinkle in the city of the Elves and peace dwells there, but the Noldoli fare over the plain to Sirnúmen sadly. Silpion is gleaming in that hour, and ere it wanes the first lament for the dead that was heard in Valinor rises from that rocky vale, for Fëanor laments the death of Bruithwir; and many of the Gnomes beside find that the spirits of their dead have winged their way to Vê. Then messengers ride hastily to Valmar bearing tidings of the deeds, and there they find Manwë, for he has not yet left that town for his abode upon Taniquetil. “Alas, O Manwë Súlimo,” they cry, “evil has pierced the Mountains of Valinor and fallen upon Sirnúmen of the Plain. There lies Bruithwir sire of Fëanor dead and many of the Noldoli beside, and all our treasury of gems and fair things and the loving travail of our hands and hearts through many years is stolen away. Whither O Manwë whose eyes see all things? Who has done this evil, for the Noldoli cry for vengeance, O most [?just] one!” 

“Therefore does Manwë bid them now, an they will, go back to Kôr, and, if they so desire, busy themselves in fashioning gems and fabrics anew, and all things of beauty and cost that they may need in their labour shall be given to them even more lavishly than before. But when Fëanor heard this saying, he said: “Yea, but who shall give us back the joyous heart without which works of loveliness and magic cannot be?—and Bruithwir is dead, and my heart also.” Many nonetheless went then back to Kôr, and some semblance of old joy is then restored, though for the lessened happiness of their hearts their labours do not bring forth gems of the old lustre and glory. But Fëanor dwelt in sorrow with a few folk in Sirnúmen, and though he sought day and night to do so he could in no wise make other jewels like to the Silmarils of old, that Melko snatched away; nor indeed has any craftsman ever done so since. At length does he abandon the attempt, sitting rather beside the tomb of Bruithwir, that is called the Mound of the First Sorrow, and is well named for all the woe that came from the death of him who was laid there. There brooded Fëanor bitter thoughts, till his brain grew dazed by the black vapours of his heart, and he arose and went to Kôr. There did he speak to the Gnomes, dwelling on their wrongs and sorrows and their minished wealth and glory—bidding them leave this prison-house and get them into the world. “As cowards have the Valar become; but the hearts of the Eldar are not weak, and we will see what is our own, and if we may not get it by stealth we will do so by violence. There shall be war between the Children of Ilúvatar and Ainu Melko. What if we perish in our quest? The dark halls of Vê be little worse than this bright prison….” And he prevailed thus upon some to go before Manwë with himself and demand that the Noldoli be suffered to leave Valinor in peace and set safely by the Gods upon the shores of the world whence they had of old been ferried.”

“To this [Manwë] added many words concerning Men and their nature and the things that would befall them, and the Noldoli were amazed, for they had not heard the Valar speak of Men, save very seldom; and had not then heeded overmuch, deeming these creatures weak and blind and clumsy and beset with death, nor in any ways likely to match the glory of the Eldalië. Now therefore, although Manwë had unburdened his heart in this way hoping that the Noldoli, seeing that he did not labour without a purpose or a reason, would grow calmer and more trustful of his love, rather were they astonished to discover that the Ainur made the thought of Men so great a matter, and Manwë’s words achieved the opposite of his wish; for Fëanor in his misery twisted them into an evil semblance, when standing again before the throng of Kôr he spake these words: “Lo, now do we know the reason of our transportation hither as it were cargoes of fair slaves! Now at length are we told to what end we are guarded here, robbed of our heritage in the world, ruling not the wide lands, lest perchance we yield them not to a race unborn. To these foresooth—a sad folk, beset with swift mortality, a race of burrowers in the dark, clumsy of hand, untuned to songs or musics, who shall dully labour at the soil with their rude tools, to these whom still he says are of Ilúvatar would Manwë Súlimo lordling of the Ainur give the world and all the wonders of its land, all its hidden substances—give it to these, that is our inheritance. Or what is this talk of the dangers of the world? A trick to deceive us; a mask of words! O all ye children of the Noldoli, whomso will no longer be house-thralls of the Gods however softly held, arise I bid ye and get you from Valinor, for now is the hour come and the world awaits.” In sooth it is a matter for great wonder, the subtle cunning of Melko—for in those wild words who shall say that there lurked not a sting of the minutest truth, nor fail to marvel seeing the very words of Melko pouring from Fëanor his foe, who knew not nor remembered whence was the fountain of these thoughts; yet perchance the [?outmost] origin of these sad things was before Melko himself, and such things must be—and the mystery of the jealousy of Elves and Men is an unsolved riddle, one of the sorrows at the world’s dim roots. Howso these deep things be, the fierce words of Fëanor got him instantly a mighty following, for a veil there seemed before the hearts of the Gnomes—and mayhap even this was not without the knowledge of Ilúvatar. Yet would Melko have been rejoiced to hear it, seeing his evil giving fruit beyond his hopes.”

VII. The Flight of the Noldoli:

“But Fëanor standing in the square about Inwë’s house in topmost Kôr will not be silenced, and cries out that all the Noldoli shall gather about him and hearken, and many thousands of them come to hear his words bearing slender torches, so that that place is filled with a lurid light such as has never before shone on those white walls. Now when they are gathered there and Fëanor sees that far the most of the company is of the kin of the Noldor1 he exhorts them to seize now this darkness and confusion and the weariness of the Gods to cast off the yoke—for thus demented he called the days of bliss in Valinor—and get them hence carrying with them what they might or listed. “If all your hearts be too faint to follow, behold I Fëanor go now alone into the wide and magic world to seek the gems that are my own, and perchance many great and strange adventures will there befall me more worthy of a child of Ilúvatar than a servant of the Gods.” Then is there a great rush of those who will follow him at once, and though wise Nólemë speaks against this rashness they will not hear him, and ever the tumult groweth wilder. Again Nólemë pleads that at least they send an embassy to Manwë to take due farewell and maybe get his goodwill and counsel for their journeying, but Fëanor persuades them to cast away even such moderate wisdom, saying that to do so were but to court refusal, and that Manwë would forbid them and prevent them: “What is Valinor to us,” say they, “now that its light is come to little—as lief and liever would we have the untrammeled world.” Now then they arm themselves as best they may—for nor Elves nor Gods in those days bethought themselves overmuch of weapons—and store of jewels they took and stuffs of raiment; but all their books of their lore they left behind, and indeed there was not much therein that the wise men among them could not match from memory. But Nólemë seeing that his counsel prevailed not would not be separated from his folk, and went with them and aided them in all their preparations. Then did they get them down the hill of Kôr lit by the flame of torches, and so faring in haste along the creek and the shores of that arm of the Shadowy Sea that encroached here upon the hills they found the seaward dwellings of the Solosimpi.”

“Behold, the counsel of Fëanor is that by no means can that host hope to win swiftly along the coast save by the aid of ships; “and these,” said he, “an the shore-elves will not give them, we must take”. Wherefore going down to the harbour they essayed to go upon those ships that there lay, but the Solosimpi said them nay, yet for the great host of the Gnome-folk they did not as yet resist; but a new wrath awoke there between Eldar and Eldar.”

Commentary on VII.:

“Of the treachery of the Fëanorians, sailing away in the ships and leaving the host of Fingolfin on the shores of Araman, there is of course in the old story no trace; but the blaming of Fëanor was already present (‘the Tents of Murmuring’, p. 168). It is a remarkable aspect of the earliest version of the mythology that while so much of the narrative structure was firm and was to endure, the later ‘genealogical’ structure had scarcely emerged. Turgon existed as the son of (Finwë) Nólemë, but there is no suggestion that Fëanor was close akin to the lord of the Noldoli, and the other princes, Fingolfin, Finarfin, Fingon, Felagund, do not appear at all, in any form, or by any name.”

VIII. The Tale of the Sun and Moon:

“Now these revealed to [Aulë] much store of crystals and delicate glasses that Fëanor and his sons had laid up in secret places in Sirnúmen”

X. Gilfanon’s Tale: The Travail of the Noldoli and the Coming of Mankind

“Now appears for the first time Maidros son of Fëanor (previously, in the tale of The Theft of Melko, the name was given to Fëanor’s grandfather, p. 146, 158). Maidros, guided by Ilkorins, led a host into the hills, either ‘to seek for the jewels’ (A), or ‘to search the dwellings of Melko’ (B—this should perhaps read ‘search for the dwellings of Melko’, the reading of C), but they were driven back with slaughter from the doors of Angamandi; and Maidros himself was taken alive, tortured—because he would not reveal the secret arts of the Noldoli in the making of jewels—and sent back to the Gnomes maimed. (In A, which still had Nólemë rather than Fëanor die in the Waters of Asgon, it was Fëanor himself who led the host against Melko, and it was Fëanor who was captured, tortured, and maimed.) Then the Seven Sons of Fëanor swore an oath of enmity for ever against any that should hold the Silmarils. (This is the first appearance of the Seven Sons, and of the Oath, though that Fëanor had sons is mentioned in the Tale of the Sun and Moon, p. 192.)”

[blackypanther9]

Part 15 - Everything went wrong...

No one's POV...

"- Until it rips Jotunheim apart.", you heard Loki say.

Wait....what....? You shook your head, saw Loki throwing Thor back and listened again.

"Why have you done this ?", Thor asked.

"To prove to Father that I am the worthy Son. When he awakes, I will have saved his life, I will have destroyed this race of Monsters and I will be true heir to the throne.", he answered.

'Monsters...? So that's how he thinks...huh ? After all I showed him.... He....'

"You can't kill an entire race.", Thor said.

"Why not ?", Loki asked.

He smiled and laughed. He went down the stairs.

"And what is this new found love for Frost Giants ? You. You've killed them all with your bare hands.", Loki said.

"I've changed."

"So have I."

Loki hit Thor with the staff on the cheek. Thor's head snapped at the touch to the left. Loki leaned in and said coldly.

"Now fight me."

And he hit Thor again to the right, this time with all his strength. Thor fell to the ground and Loki was walking on the other side.

"I never wanted the throne ! I only have wanted to be your equal.", Loki said.

"I will not fight you, Brother !!"

"I am not your Brother ! I never was !"

You saw Loki tears near.

"Loki this is madness !"

"Is it madness ?! Is it ? Is it ?!"

Step two, Loki sounds and breaths different and twitches a little here and there...yup one wrong move and he will drop one or two tears... Thor looks at Loki and shuts his mouth.

"What happened on Earth that turned you so...soft ?! Don't tell me it was that woman !"

.....Woman ? ......Soft ? Thor stares at him and again shuts up.

"Oh ! So it was ! Well maybe, when we're finished here...I'll pay her a visit myself !!"

Okay....Loki let a tear slip...And he is fucking mad... Thor had enough and started a battle cry. They fought, dodged and attacked. After some time...Thor flew with Loki through the wall of the capsule. They landed on the rainbowbridge and continued fighting there. Loki tricked Thor with an illusion of himself that he will fall, Thor as dumb as he is...fell for it and Loki attacked him as soon as Thor turned around. Loki made many other illusions of himself and laughed at him, Thor had an outburst with the words 'enough' and threw lightnings everywhere. Loki fell again and Thor put his hammer on his chest. Because Loki isn't worthy, he can't lift the hammer and needed to lay there. Thor tried to safe Jotunheim and the Bifrost. But he couldn't safe both. He needed to get rid of the Bifrost.

"Look at you.", Loki said and Thor turned around to look at Loki.

"The mighty Thor...With all your strength !"

He spoke with hate and jealousy.

"And does it its use now huh ?! UGH !! YOU HEAR ME BROTHER ?! THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO !!!", Loki screamed.

Thor called his hammer from Loki's chest and hits the rainbowbridge. You were shocked. You need to get away from there. You were still on the side of the Bifrost. You ran until you were safe. Loki slowly sat up and looked at Thor shocked. Thor hits a second time and Loki found his voice again, after the sixth hit.

"What are you doing ?!", Loki says.

Thor hits another time.

"IF YOU DESTROY THAT BRIDGE YOU'LL NEVER SEE HER AGAIN !!", Loki screamed at him.

Thor ignored him and hits another time and another, the bridge made now cracking sounds. Loki stood up, grabbed the staff and ran to him. Thor raised his hammer one last time and said...

"Forgive me Jane..."

He hit again and Loki was in the air to stab him. The rainbow bridge exploded and sent them in the air. You ran away more from the falling everdark abyss. You saw them fall and Odin appear. Thor and Loki held the staff, Loki on the end and Thor on the beginning. Odin held Thor onto his boot. You ran to them and exposed yourself again, with a frown. Loki saw your face and knew...you heard and saw everything.

"I could have done it Father ! I could have done it ! For you ! For all of us !"

Odin hesitated before he said softly.

"No, Loki."

You looked at Odin shocked and then back at Loki. He frowned and...What is he doing ? No...

"Loki no..."

He will let go...

"Loki ! Stop !"

He looked at you and stopped his movements.

"I believe you. You could have done it. But this was wrong. Your anger did lead you. I don't hate you, for what you said and did. But please...no matter what you want to do....DON'T LET GO !! THEY WILL FIND AND TORTURE YOU !! JUST LIKE ME !!!"

Loki looked at you with tears.

"Why should I believe you ? You saw and heard everything, but didn't stop us ! You aren't even my friend anymore !", he screamed at you.

"Loki, this will be a big mistake if you do this ! I can bring you everywhere you want, but please...DON'T LET GO !! You ended the friendship not me ! You said I should take my time with chosing and I did ! I am here because I want to try it again ! If you let go, it's your death, silver - tongue ! He knows who you are and what you can do ! He won't fall for your tricks ! Try and he will kill you ! I know it ! I was there 10 years !!"

"And you are still here."

"Because I escaped closely ! Stay. We will find another way !"

There was a long silence. Loki stared into your eyes, then down into the abyss, then back to you. Loki whispered...

"This is my way."

Loki let go of the staff and fell into the hole. Then it disappeared and he with it.

"NOOOOO !!!", Thor and you screamed.

"No...", Odin said.

After that he pulled Thor up and hugged his Son. You were mad, sad and broken. Thor came to you to hug you, you pushed him away.

"Stay away from me !", you screamed and ran to the Palace.

"Luciella !", Thor and Odin screamed after you.

You ignored them. You ran to Loki's chambers, opened his door, went inside and threw the door close, then you locked it. You jumped into his bed and took in his scent he left on the bed sheets. Even if he wasn't in the bed once....it all still smelled like him. You hugged the blanket tightly and hoped he faked his disappearence. As 50 minutes passed and he still didn't came, you knew....he was gone...maybe even forever... You....cried ? Really ? You thought you can't cry anymore... well...you did. They all did. Even Ratchel. You fell asleep after a while and hoped you will never wake up again. 2 hours later, you awoke, because someone knocked at the door.

"GO AWAY !!", you screamed, thinking it was Thor.

"Luciella, my dear. It's me, Frigga. Open the door, please.", Frigga said behind the door.

You moved your hand and unlocked the door. Frigga opened the door, went inside and closed the door again. She went to you and sat down next to you. You hugged the blanket more than before. Frigga smiled softly. She lifted her left hand and stroked your hair.

"I won't take the blanket away from you, don't worry, dear. I wanted to look after you."

"Everything went wrong !", you hit the matress...hard.

Frigga looked at you. She put a spell in the room so nobody can hear you two talking.

"What do you mean ?"

"Loki is now with bad people...And I can't go back there... I don't know where they are and if they still wait for me..."

"What people ?"

"Promise me, you will never tell anyone, even Odin and Thor, what I will tell you."

"I promise, dear. Where is my Son ?"

(Circus for a Psycho by Skillet)

"At...Thanos....and his 'Children'.", you said the word like it was venom.

"Well...when he has kids... He will surely take care of Loki and bring him back."

"You think so ?! His 'children' are stolen people or even some people who got forced to serve him ! They aren't his real children ! He kills races and takes 1 worthy man, woman or even kid with himself ! He kidnaps, kills, threatens, tortures and he is a psychopath !"

Frigga flinches and lookes at you shocked.

"From where do you know that ?", she asked.

"Easy. I was 10 years there ! They don't stop the tortures and even go so far to raping ! No matter which gender, they do it ! No matter if man and man or woman and woman ! They don't fricking care ! They did that to me ! They firstly start with whipping, then beating you up badly, then they talk shit about your friends, they call you names and if all this doesn't work, they rape you ! Until you break !", you said crying.

The more you said, the more tears escaped you. Frigga looked at you shocked. She slowly wrapped her arms around you and hugged you. You didn't flinch away. You hugged back.

"How long did you make it ?", she asked worried.

"2 whole years and they started to rape me 3 months before I yielded. I couldn't handle it anymore ! I-I-I needed a break ! They did that non stop !"

"Oh my..."

"Do you understand now, why I am so mad and worried about Loki ?!"

"I...I am...", Frigga answered crying.

"Lets hope that he finds a way out with his silver tongue. If not...then he may come back as a psychopath or under some evil control. Or he will never come back and is dead..."

"He will find a way out. I believe in him."

"I do too, but let's face the facts here. Thanos knows him, and not from me. I never told him about Loki, he knew Loki anyways. He knows about his dirty tricks and his lies. He knows his title and Thanos could easily snap his neck in 1000 pieces, if Loki tries something funny."

"Oh my..."

"I am not finished. If you are once on Thanos' side and you fail him on your first mission, he hunts you down, finds you and kills you in the most painful and slowest way he knows. He will make your life hell, if you dare to fail him or even betray him. Loki won't make it, even if he is good in everything...this is a fight he can't win."

"What happened the other 8 years ?"

"I got trained. I studied my magic and can much more than Loki will ever do. I needed to fight and use magic. This all was almost non stop for 4 months then I was like everyone else. One of them, at least I played like one. I trained with more breaks and even had normal food and water. I hoped everyday, Heimdall or someone else of Asgard finds me....but nobody came. Not even Loki. I was so alone...and I almost broke, but Thanos made a mistake. He told me why nobody came for me. Heimdall was blind. On the ship is a spell and that's why nobody found me. After all this time went on and 8 years passed, Thanos wanted to talk to me, about my first mission. He wanted that I kidnap someone..."

Flashback....   Your POV....

"You wanted to talk to me Thanos ?"

"Yes my child. Come here."

I did as I got told.

"I want someone who is unstable, with it's mind. Yes I want you to kidnap someone. This someone is from Asgard. It's a boy. In the future he is very clever, is able to lead an army and is easy to control. We may need 3 days to torture the little boy, but it will work..."

Firstly I thought I knew about who he talked...

"He is a Prince."

I thought it is Thor...

"What's his name ?"

I really thought it was Thor. But it wasn't him....

"It's your childhood friend. Loki Odinson. I want him here in a week. Tomorrow you will search him. And kill the rest of the royal family."

I nodded and played my role.

"As you wish. I shall prepare everything for tomorrow."

I stood up and was on my way out.

"Oh and Luciella ?"

I turned around.

"If you fail me...I need to kill you or punish you very bad. So don't fail me."

I nodded again and went outside. But I never went there. I ran into my room, grabbed my things I needed and used all my power I could to get out of there. I won't kill or kidnap someone. I took a safe - capsule, saw Jotunheim under me, freed the capsule and landed on Jotunheim. I destroyed the capsule and went everywhere. I met Laufey in the end and he kept me alive. We even became friends.

End of Flashback....   No one's POV....

"Since then I never saw Thanos again. He waited. I bet he knew it."

Frigga stared at me.

"He will use Loki for something... He will promise Loki something, Loki will fall for it and gets killed in the end, because of his naivety. I know it. Thanos never holds his word."

"Then it's time you learn how to meditate."

"Meditate ?"

"You can look into the future and maybe it will help you out some times. You can see through someone else's eyes also and hear through someone else's ears. Maybe you get in connection with Loki..."

You thought for a second then nodded.

"Okay. When do we start ?"

"Now."

And with that you started.

Part 16

Masterlist with all Chapters of this Story click here !  

[lavendertwilight89]

Untitled

For @hnnwnchstr​. Better times are ahead.

And of course there’s smoots for her :)

Here is the link to AO3

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Sometimes life got him down… But he’d had hundreds of years to cope with that. His human companions, however, always seemed to take their failure harder. Even when the blame should always fall on him.

He was the strongest and oldest in the pack. It made him the alpha. Their setbacks were his own.

Yea, don’t get him wrong. He took defeat and loss hard. But there’d always be a new day. Unless you were dead. And if you lived to tell the tale, then fuck, why stay depressed about it?

What killed him more than anything though was seeing a young woman that had stolen his heart upset about anything. She blamed herself for shattering the jewel, causing all the death, destruction…

But it wasn’t her fault. Not really. Sure he blamed her, called her names, made her feel guilty about the whole mess; but in reality, it was his fault. If he hadn’t had been such a jackass to her, calling her names, making her feel ugly, being an immature asshole--she wouldn’t have run away. She wouldn’t have been caught, and the crow demon wouldn’t have gotten a hold of the jewel. Even then, if he had been more encouraging, patient, maybe they would have been able to recover the jewel together before she shot it out of the sky.

But no. He was a fucking jerk. He should have seen from the moment she crashed down in front of him when she was being chased by the nasty ass centipede that she wasn’t Kikyo. She was nothing like her in terms of spirit, spunk, demeanor, and even as time went on--she looked less and less like her. Her beauty was far more natural; just like she was. She wasn’t overbearingly poised, stiff, cold. Kagome overflowed radiance and kindness. Kikyo had been a beautiful, untouchable woman… But Kagome was gorgeous. Kind. Warm. Everything Kikyo had not been, Kagome was. 

He thought he had loved Kikyo; but he was a fool. He had no idea what love really was after traveling with Kagome. Having her care for him. Talk to him. Touch him as if he wasn’t tainted. No one had ever tried to rub his ears, hold his clawed hands, hold him when he was ready to cave in on himself… that was until Kagome came along. She made it bearable to be a half-demon in this fucked up world. She made it alright to be himself. 

Seeing her hang her head down from another destroyed village they hadn’t made it in time to save, her likely hearing Sango’s quiet comments about how she was glad she never saw her village in such disarray, Miroku’s musings about how anyone would do anything to get the jewel shards…

He wanted to fucking strangle them, but no--she wouldn’t let him. Originally he growled at them, but she soothed him and plastered her fake caring smile on her face. Then proceeded to ask him to help them lay the villagers to rest. He was hopeless to tell her no--well, after a few mutters of annoyance. He had an image to maintain, after all.

It wasn’t until into the night when the fire burned low, the stars shined brightly, and the full moon illuminated the land from high in the sky that he heard her sleeping bag ruffle. He looked down to see his delicate pale beauty look around the campsite. What was she looking for?

He caught her shift her gaze up to him. Since he was a coward, he pretended to be asleep. Some more shuffling sounds followed by footsteps had him open his eyes. Seriously, what the fuck was she doing??

Jumping from tree to tree as quietly as possible, he saw her walk out into an open field and sit. She was just gazing up at the stars…

He remembered one of the first times they did that together. The idea of staring at them was stupid--why bother? They didn’t move. They held no real purpose.

But Kagome said they learned a lot about them in her time; how they change from season to season, how they can be used for directions when they knew what season it was. Some had special names, different stories. Legends. Myths. She said after learning demons were real, who knows if those stories were actually as fictional as they had originally been meant to be?

The fascination was still slightly lost on him until she mentioned with the pollution of her time that it made them harder to see unless you were out in more ‘rural’ areas. Places without villages. Like here. She said she loved to look at them--with people who were special to her.

The speech wasn’t lost on him, even though he acted like it was. He knew he was important to her. How could he not be? She didn’t go to school as much, spent most of her time here even though she had a life on the other side of the well…

Even though she said it was to fix her mistakes, he knew that wasn’t the only reason. Or at least he had hoped it wasn’t until he heard her cry out for him when Hakudoshi held her heart.

Confirming, definitely a good piece of it belonged to him. But… he still had no idea what he could offer her? His harsh words and attitude? The fire-rat robe off his back? His father’s sword that held in his demonic blood?

She deserved to have a choice. If she did so happen to choose to stay with him once the jewel was once again complete, without knowledge of his feelings, he’d tell her. He’d build her a hut--if the village accepted them. Fuck, even if they had to live in a cave, he’d still consider himself the luckiest man in all the lands.

He’d do anything for her; and that was why he had to remain silent until there was no jewel driving her mission.

Looking at the back of her didn’t help him figure out what was wrong with her, though. The wind shifted and stirred those wavy ebony locks. Along with the scent that was so Kagome, he smelled a twinge of salt…

She was crying.

Of course she snuck away, so she didn’t wake up her friends… or him.

He jumped down from his tree and walked over to her. She didn’t flinch or move her position from staring up at the sky. Obviously she had been aware of his presence. Her power has certainly grown since she first arrived now. She could clearly pick out different reiki, youki, jyaki, and the jewel shards. 

What couldn’t his girl do? Of course he referred to her as his girl; who else would be his? Even if she happened to choose to leave, he doubted he would ever find another as giving, kind, caring, loving, and beautiful as Kagome. Maybe in a couple centuries; but even then he’d likely try and find his way back to her when she was born. See when she grew up if she’d want to try again… But he would also just be happy to be her friend. Why would he get in the way of her happiness? Of her life? He may have been a selfish bastard for now, keeping her from her friends and family, but they had a mission. He had the right to be an ass… Demand the time from her until it was over. Because God forbid she did choose to leave, he’d die from not having spent more time with her.

“Hi,” she said softly.

“Hey… what’s uh--what’s going on?”

“Just thinking,” she sighed, closing her eyes. Fuck. Why was she so goddamn pretty? Even sitting there, tears trickling down her flushed cheeks, hair blowing with the breeze, and he couldn’t stop looking at her. She was mesmerizing.

“Yea? Care to elaborate? Or ya just gonna keep cryin’ over nothing?” He asked as he plopped down next to her. Jerkface on. Ready to push her to fight with him so that the tears would stop. Maybe even let his face eat the dirt. After a good sit she was usually somehow in a better mood from releasing her anger.

“Sigh…” She opened her eyes and looked at the stars again before she finally shifted her eyes back to him. “I just… I’m stupid. That’s all.”

“Why you say that? You’re the one with all the book learning and crap. You’re probably one of the smarter ones out of our group,” he pointed out. Then he realized he said something nice. Fuck. He was deviating from his plan… But she just looked so broken. Damn. Shit. He had to comfort her; at least that’s what the demon demanded. The human in him was screaming to run and hide and protect her from himself.

Nice. Two very opposing sides fighting in his mind. No wonder being a confusing asshole came so naturally.

“It’s just… You all have lost so much. Some because of me, some not. But still, I feel like I let this get to me… More than it should. I’m able to go home and see my family. Separate myself from all of this and you guys--can’t. 

“I’m just pathetic for letting this get to me. I’m just so useless and.. Weak. You were right.”

Before he could think the better of it, he stretched his arm out and hugged her shoulders tightly. “No. I was wrong. So far from wrong. You’re probably the strongest out of all of us, Kagome.”

“Do-Don’t--”

“Don’t what?? Just say shit? I’m not for once. Yea, I know I don’t always think. Especially back then when we first met, first starting traveling together… I know, Kagome. I know I was an asshat. The biggest bastard of them all. I just…”

“Inuyasha, I understand,” she soothed, turning to face him. Her calves were pressed to his thigh now. Without thinking, he pulled her up into his lap. 

“Inu--”

“I’m sorry.”

“W-What??”

“Your insecurities--your fears… They’re my fault. I’m to blame.”

“No--stop. Inuyasha I understand why you said those things… It wasn’t because you meant them--not exactly, anyway. You said them out of malice. You were hurt. You were scared to be hurt again by someone who looked exactly like the woman who had literally ripped your heart in two. I get it. I learned you didn’t mean half of what you said. You just said that stuff to protect yourself…”

“Kagome…” How was it possible this woman knew him better than anyone? Was that even fair? Did he know her just as well?

“I know you had a rough life. I’ve seen it. You’ve only warned me time and time again when we’ve gone into villages, stayed out in the woods at night, hunted the jewel shards, even asked our friends to join us. I get it. In the sense that you are the way you are because of it. But I also see through to the real you. I see you for who you really are Inuyasha.”

“You don’t gotta tell me. I know you do…” His claws brushed through her hair and she started to relax further into his hold.

“Inuyasha?”

“What?”

“What are you doing?”

“I don’t know… Am I not doing something right?”

Her giggle emerged and he felt the tension in his own body leave. Clearly he was doing okay making her feel better, “I think you’re doing just fine--you just have never… I mean you don’t usually--”

“Everyone needs a different form of comfort, Kagome. Sango usually just needs a pep talk or she needs to just not be groped by that fucking pervert. Miroku has to be joked with or threatened. Shippo… well there ain’t much that gets him down that your fuckin’ pokey won’t fix. Kirara is never sad unless she doesn’t get fish.”

“What about you? How can I--” she turned to face him and her lip snuck its way in between her teeth. “How can I comfort you?”

“By being you. You’ve stayed by my side when you shouldn’t have. You’ve held me even after I slaughtered humans without a second thought. It’s second nature to you, Kagome… You--You don’t know how grateful I am to have you here… even though I don’t show it like I should,” he mumbled the last words hoping she wouldn’t hear the mushy words exit his mouth.

“And you… comfort me how…?” Her eyes with glistening and twinkling like the damn stars. Fuck. Did he mention how beautiful she was? And how unfair her proximity fucked with his head? Was she… what was she asking for? He heard her heart beating erratically. Her face was blushing--but not from crying now. Her scent told a different story. It was one of desire. Want. Need. Fuck.

He wasn’t thinking as he leaned in and closed the distance between their mouths. His lips brushed hers lightly at first, testing to see if she would ultimately reject him like everyone else. But fuck--no, she pressed back harder. Damn; she was ruining his plans.

He pulled back slightly before the kiss got more heated and looked deeply into her lust covered eyes. Damnit. He felt a particular body part rising with her scent and the nonverbal cues she was sending out.

“Kagome--”

“Please--just for tonight--I don’t want to be second. Tomorrow we can just move on but tonight can it just be us?”

“What?” And his dick was under control again. Her words triggered something in his brain to settle the fuck down. “What do you mean ‘second’?”

“I know--I know you don’t care about me like that. And that’s okay. You don’t have to. I know you’re in love with Kikyo. I know you want the jewel. I know you want to avenge Kikyo’s death and the betrayal Naraku caused between the two of you. I get it. I understand. I just-- for tonight can it just be us? No Kikyo? No Naraku? No jewel?”

“Kagome that’s not--”

“Inuyasha--” She leaned in and tried to kiss him again but he pulled back. Here he said she was smart and she actually was the dumbest of them all…

What kind of horse shit was she spewing?

“No--what the fuck, Kagome?! You think you’re fucking second to all those things?!?!”

“Inuyasha shush! We’re not that far from--”

“Shut up! Answer me! You honestly think I put those other things first before you?!”

“Well obviously!! The minute there’s a soul collector you’re out of here! The moment you catch Naraku’s scent, you’re gone! And don’t forget why I’m even here to begin with!! I shattered the jewel! The jewel you want!!”

“Don’t give me that crap Kagome; you and I both know while yea, we kinda need help being able to see and sense the jewel shards I need you. I. Need. You. You. Not Kikyo, not Miroku, not Sango… YOU. Do you have any idea what kind of person I would be--fuck--what kind of person I was before you came along?! I only have friends because of you. I only have been trusted by villages because of you. Kagome… God you’re everything for me. You’ve given me so much without even fucking trying.

“I get I am a bastard. I know I’m an asshole through and though but come on--you have to know by now, after everything we’ve fucking been through that I want you by my side. That when you aren’t here--it’s just empty. Don’t even act like you don’t know what I do when you’re gone. I’ve heard the slayer and monk tell you. Even fucking Shippo rats me out for the right price. Kagome--how can you be so fuckin’ blind??”

“Inuyasha--”

“I’m not done talking, wench; so shut the fuck up and listen. Kikyo--Kikyo is dead. I know that. I know there honestly isn’t a way to save her. The feelings I have for her--they revolve around guilt and remorse. But even looking back at what could have been--it never would have worked Kagome. We didn’t trust each other. We were two of loneliest people in the world and drew on each other for comfort. 

“What you and I have… Fuck Kagome. Even just as friends, we have such a--shit. Kagome, I’ve never had friends. Even my only family hates my guts. You were my first friend. The first person to trust me with your life. Do you even know what that means to me??”

“Inuyasha…” Luckily she was drawn out of her little spiraling depressive shell she had put around herself. Maybe they should have had this talk years ago…

“Kagome--with Naraku--fuck. He wants to hurt me. He wants me to die mentally; physically he probably couldn’t give a shit. But he wants me to suffer for whatever reason. Do you know how he would succeed in that?”

“I--”

“By taking you away from me. Kagome--don’t you get it?”

“Inuyasha--just--just say it. Please,” she whispered.

“I love you, dumbass,” he finally said. Breathlessly. Because the air from his lungs had whooshed out of his body. Because every fucking promise he made to her, made himself just went out the window. Typical. His mouth always did end up running away from him. But he couldn’t believe she had thought she was so low on the totem pole… how could she honestly believe that he didn’t care about her? That he’d fucking use her body like that?

Mating was a serious thing in inuyoukai culture. Fuck--even in this era women didn’t typically go opening their legs to just anyone. Yea, things were different in her time but goddamn--he was not going to allow her to do that to him. To her even. If she wanted to be with him, it would be a lifetime commitment. Once he had her, he was too selfish to ever let her go.

“Inuyasha--I--”

“I’m not gonna just rut you and leave you. That’s not how this would go, Kagome. That’s not who I am. Don’t you think I have a little more honor than that? Don’t you think even as a friend I care about you more than that??”

“I’m sorry…” she said, her voice disheartened.

“Damn right you should be sorry! If we do this--this is a lifetime commitment. Not your lifetime; mine.”

“What??” She said looking up at him in shock. 

“Inuyoukai mate for life--”

“But your dad--”

“My old man rutted Sesshomaru’s mom for a powerful heir. I’m not lookin’ for someone to take over my land. Fuck--I have a fucking forest the villagers named after me in fear that I would one day wake.”

“But--”

“Yea, he mated with my mom and he died. Shit happens. But she had me to love and protect and raise. The mate bond only affects the demon in the relationship as far as if you got hurt and died, then I would. Not the inverse. What would happen for you is that it would wear off and you’d begin to age like normal.”

“Are you… Are you asking me to be your mate?”

“God, you’re slow,” he smirked lightheartedly.

She glared at him, “Inuyasha… This isn’t a joke.”

“I’m aware of that; it also isn’t a tryst.”

“Touche… So… Uhm--where--where would we live? When this was all over?”

“Whatever village would take us. Or a cave. Wilderness. Seems like the more likely option.”

“What about my era?” He gave her a look of ‘Yea--with my ears?’ “Oh, you’re-you’re right. It wouldn’t work…”

“Look, I wasn’t--I wasn’t trying to make you choose. You can take all the time you need. I wasn’t gonna say anything until the jewel was whole and we figured out what to do with it. We can just go slow--I can court you and--”

“Inuyasha; I love you too. I don’t want to ever be without you. If I didn’t want to be here, yes it would eat me up inside because I was the one who broke the jewel but I want to be with you; by your side. Kikyo could have taken my spot… If--If we had to live in a cave, forest, wherever I’d be alright. I’d still be with you.”

“Are you sure about this Kagome? There aren't any take backs on this kind of thing…”

“Now who is doubting whom?” She tilted her head frowning slightly.

“Whatever, wench,” he replied with no bite. “Forever is just a long time to not think about this. I swore I’d protect you; that includes myself. You might not realize what being mated to half-breed means.”

“I don’t understand what you mean; is there… other stuff we’d have to do or--”

“You’ll be called the demon’s bitch. The half-demon’s slut. Anything you’ve ever heard thrown at me, they’ll be hurled at you.”

“I don’t care about what people think about me. I care about what you think… Will you think those things of me?”

“Kagome!! What the fuck--?!”

“See? Of course you won’t. Neither will our friends…” She trailed off and looked slightly uncomfortable and her scent shifted.

“What are you worried about?”

“You--You may not love Kikyo like you used to… but--”

“Sigh… it’s been a long time coming for that conversation. She does know how I feel about you. That’s another reason she doesn’t press to travel with us. The last time we met, she had asked if I had told you yet, that was awkward,” he said blushing, letting his ears fall flat on his head. The embarrassment was worth it when he heard laugh lightly and felt her cold hand on his ear. Fuck. He secretly loved it when she would just brush his ears in passing. But it seemed the secret was out… Because an unbridled rumble erupted from his chest. Damnit.

“Are you purring?” She asked, smiling mischievously.

“NO! I DO NOT PURR!”

“Sure--sure,” she agreed with undeniable amusement laced in her voice as she continued to rub his ears. Feeling the other effects it was having on him, he reached up and paused her ministrations.

“You’re--You’re gonna have to stop.”

“Why?” Oh, poor sweet innocent Kagome… He conveyed a face that hopefully told her what he honestly didn’t want to confess out loud. Unfortunately, he was pretty sure the piece of anatomy that was now poking into her side. It had the inverse effect though; her scent spiked again.

Fuck she was like a drug. He already knew he had no hope in separating from her; but she obviously held no reservations. She wanted what he did. Even more so maybe. She had been willing to just have him for a night. Claiming she was being the selfish one. Bullshit. If anyone was selfish, it was him.

He slowly leaned in again but paused just a breath away to wait for her to close the distance. While he was selfish, he wanted this to ultimately be her choice. He had already made his. It was her. Always her.

Luckily, or thankfully, whichever it was, she closed the gap between them and kissed him. Fuck he was a goner. He loved her. Everything about her. From her eyes, to her voice, to her sweet honey flavored tongue shoved into his mouth brushing against his fangs, her breasts he was squeezing through her sleep shirt, her kind personality, her overflowing love-- he could go on and on. 

When she pulled back he was taken by surprise, which wasn’t an easy feat. Especially when her legs were straddling his hips. He opened his eyes which he hadn’t even realized had closed and saw her shred her pink tank top that had already barely contained her large round mounds.

From the time she had first come to his era to now Kagome had grown from a girl to a woman. She was now eighteen and her figure was more apparent, more enticing and womanly. While she was still a head shorter than he was, her bust had grown, her hips had expanded in preparation for bearing children, muscles were developed from years of running, walking, fighting, and fuck best of all, her gorgeous blue eyes just seemed to have gotten darker to match the ocean she loved to visit. That was one of her favorite places to go when they had a moment and while he bitched, he secretly loved taking her there to explore.

Without thinking, because when did he ever, he swallowed her nipple whole and swirled his tongue around it until he felt it point from excitement. Once he thoroughly ravished one side, he moved to the other. He felt her nimble fingers untying the strings to his haori and aided her in her efforts to remove it. Once she started to shove it down his arms, he pulled away and laid down his kosode and robe of the fire rat. He turned back to her and twisted to lay her down upon the makeshift bed he had made.

After she was fully on her back, he started kissing her again, his hands restless as they studied every curve she possessed more thoroughly than he had with his eyes. Even though their mouths were battling for dominance, his ears caught every sigh, moan, and gasp her voice made. 

Once his hands hit the waistline of her pants, she stilled him. Shifting beneath him, she encouraged him to remove her pants. Who was he to refuse what she desired?

Once her pants and underwear were pulled down, he acted without thinking and moved his mouth down her body. Without his mouth swallowing her moans he soon realized how loud she was. He smirked at the idea of seeing how far he could push her--to see what would come out of that smart mouth of hers.

He reached her raven curls and nudged her legs apart. She hesitated slightly and he looked up to see nervousness in her eyes. Swiftly he moved back to look directly into her eyes and grasped her face in his hands as he straddled her.

“You’re beautiful, Kagome. You’re mine. We don’t have to continue though--we can stop and go slowly.”

“N-No. Sorry--I just-- I was kind of nervous about how I smell. It’s been a little bit since we’ve hit a hot spring or river to bathe off in,” she said bashfully.

He couldn’t help but chuckle at her reasonings, “Oh Kagome. Trust me; you smell like a fucking buffet. I can’t wait to taste you.” He licked his lips teasingly as he watched her flush and swallow. He kissed her again hard to try and coax out the woman who originally pleaded to take her for one night. That confidence was what she needed. 

Once she was fervent in her kisses again, he dove back down to what his instincts were calling for; a taste of her nether regions. That time when he reached it she didn’t fight him when he spread her legs and laid between them. He initially shoved his nose between her folds. He was slightly tickled by the black hairs that hid her sex from him but fuck, if it was pleasureable with the scent that was so Kagome surrounding every inch of him. He dipped his tongue into her lips and goddamn--he almost lost consciousness. It was better than he had ever fucking dreamed of. 

He may have gone a little mad with arousal when he dove in and began eating her out. Control was something he obviously lacked as he lapped up her juices and explored every inch of her sex with his mouth. Not that she seemed like she was complaining at all. No, if anything the cry of his name, the writhing of her body from the sensations he was giving her, and her grabbing his head (thankfully not his ears) pulling him closer only made him want to dive in more. 

She had a nub that seemed to really make her wail out louder when he played with that. He decided to focus on that area, thinking he teased her enough, especially from her begging him brokenly for--well he assumed completion. But she didn’t direct him to verbally do anything, only push his head to the nub. Again, who was he to tell her no?

He carefully took two fingers and placed them slightly at her opening, still not confident enough to insert them without some practice, and teased her. She seemed like she was losing her mind in the throes of passion. To be fair, so was he. He was grinding himself on the fucking grass to eleviate some of the pain of his hardened cock.

He realized she was coming when she yelled out his name and her body released more liquid onto his fingers, which he happily licked up. Once she had stilled from her convulsions, he slunk his way back up her body and laughed deeply at her blissed out expression.

“Inuyasha that was--”

“I got just as much out of it as you did--if not more,” he smirked and leaned down to kiss her. She hungirly accepted and reached for his hakama ties. He didn’t stop her and felt her foot come up and hook around it to help ease it down. Without removing his mouth from hers, he kicked off his pants and then hovered over her briefly to just take in the moment. Her flushed cheeks, the glistening sweat on her forehead, the glazed-over look of lust in her dark blue eyes…

“I love you, Inuyasha,” she told him as he sank himself down over her body and lined himself up to enter her.

He kissed her soundly as he dipped his tip to her entrance and his hair fell around them to envelope them in a silver curtain of privacy. As she wrapped her arms around him and spread her legs wider to open herself more to him, he whimpered. The tight heat that consumed his throbbing hardened cock was literally something he never thought he would feel; even in his dream he had never felt so much desperation. But he refused to move in fear of hurting her further.

"Inuyashaaa,” she moaned once he was fully seated inside of her.

“Are you alright?” He asked through gritted teeth. Fuck, he wasn’t a teenager anymore but at this rate he was gonna--

“Yes; stretched but-- it’s like we belong together. You fit perfectly,” she sighed as she brushed her fingers through his hair out of his face to look into his eyes.

She was right though. They did belong together. Then. There. Forever.

He was tentative when he first started pumping inside her but her cries and panting encouraged him. While she said she loved him for who he was, he was still scared he may hurt her. But her mews, pleas for more, and movements from her hips to return his thrusts, fuck, his bitch was amazing.

“Inu-Ya--” she said brokenly as those beautiful sapphire orbs closed and she whimpered.

He ground his hips in circles and brushed his pelvis against her sensitive clit, earning a high pitched cry, “What do you want Kagome? Do you want to be fucked by a demon?”

“Y-yes,” she pleaded using her hands to pull him by his hips closer if that was even possible. He pulled away and she whined, trying to pull him back, but once she figured out what he was doing she moaned his name in impatience.

He threw her legs upon his shoulders and reentered her hard. His cock was in deeper now, his hand was free from holding her leg close to his waist. He reached around and started pinching her very stimulated nub. She began mewling uncontrolablly and it was fucking glorious. To hear such pleasures he was bringing her only made his cock harder if that was even possible.

“Is that what you want Kagome?? To be with a demon?”

“Ahhhh,” she cried as he felt her walls tighten around him. God. Damn. “Yashhhhh,” she ground out flailing her head back and forth. Her breasts were bouncing with every hard and quick pound he gave her. His dick was just at the tip of her womb and he silently thanked Kami she wasn’t in fucking heat otherwise this night would have ended very differently.

He dipped his head to her ear and exhaled making her writhe further under him, “Are you gonna cum for me, Ka-Go-Me?”

“Gods--” he heard her swear before she wailed out her release into the night. Riding out her orgasm it took everything not to explode right then. He slowly eased himself back between her spread legs and sat her up. She was fucking gorgeous; her face was still glistening in sweat, her breathing was starting to calm from her orgasm but still audible to his demonic hearing--scratch that, even a mortal would be able to her her subtle groan and sigh, and her hair was wilder than normal. 

He cradled the back of her head to bring her into a kiss as he pumped into her before he couldn’t stave off his own release any longer. He broke the kiss when he felt his youki rising, his fangs growing--

Her hands brushing his cheeks and her accepting eyes calmed his initial panic. She pulled his face to be at her shoulder; she was silently asking him to mark her. He didn’t even mention that to her; he needed to make a note to thank Sango for likely educating her about mating behind his back.

His fangs bit down into her shoulder and she winced at the initial pain but relaxed into it as he spilled his seed inside her. Once he was completely drained, he unclamped his jaw and laved the spot on her neck he had marked then gave it a kiss. She was his. Forever.

“Kagome?”

“Mmmmm?”

“Are you okay?”

“I’ve never been better,” she said, taking his face into her hands again as she leaned in to kiss him.

“I meant--about you coming out here--”

“Oh… Yes and no. I think there’ll always be rougher days; but I have you to lean on. We’ll make it through together.”

He smiled and nuzzled her cheek as he wrapped her up in his haori. He threw his hakama back on along with his kosode and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Keeping her close, he just allowed her to snuggle into his chest for comfort over the long and tiring day. Her breathing evened out but he didn’t dare move. He wanted this moment to last forever.

[coolgirl]

Hey what's Jason's relationship with nocturna? It's the first time I've heard of her😣 and nothing on her wikia mentioned anything about Jason. She seems interesting character and I would like to know more about her.

okay I went. A little insane. Here's a retelling of her pre crisis arc, long as hell  

(this part covers Batman #529 / Detective Comics #363 / Batman #530) ok for some context: it’s pre crisis, meaning this Jason was also a circus boy. He has recently lost his parents, and was taken by Bruce, but isn’t dealing with the loss well, finding himself missing his past life. PLUS Bruce isn’t allowing him to be his partner, and that has him sad as well. 

SO he wants to go back to the circus, since hes lonely and directionless etc.

NOW. ENTER NATALIA KNIGHT! Shes a villain, think.. Catwoman meets Poison Ivy? She’s a thief, but seduces men to do the stealing mostly. 

Her backstory is basically that she was an orphan living in the streets, and met who will then become his adoptive parent Charles Knight when she was 12. When she’s already an adult, Charles gets killed, and she finds out he had big money bags bc he was a criminal. and she said. awn man i like being rich. well. time to do crimes.

she’s rlly into the night and the stars (she was the head of the observatory, which Bruce was funding through his company or w/e)

anyways. she gets away, Jason helps bruce find her (but! bruce wouldnt le him help which rlly hurt jason), and as her and her partner anton are getting away (again) batman catches up to them, but only manages to bring anton to justice, while Nocturna escapes in like. one of those giant balloons idk whats the name

the issue ends with Nocturna/Natalia sending Bruce money for the maintenance of the observatory and with Jason deciding to leave

NOW onto the next part. So in this issue we have Jason escaping home, Bruce going to court against Natalia’s partner Anton, and Natalia just vibing around, and she happens to find Jason running away from home, and they have a conversation in which she tries to convince him to go back home.

but Jason. well.

So Bruce gets back home and Alfred tells him about Jason running away, and bruce, in real bruce fashion, is all like ughg i shouldve listened to him.. well lets go get him. and alfred is like. sir. do i have to remind u u arent his legal guardian yet. u have no right to decide where he stays.

so bruce is like ugh fine. i’ll go patrol then. which he does, and turns out Nocturna was trying to help Anton escape, and well it fails, and she gets captured too. 

and that’s that for Natalia… for now ;)

NOW. this isn’t relevant for Natalia & Jason but again some context. Covers um  covers fuck a bunch of issues. SO. what happens in this time

jason goes back to the circus but is deeply unhappy

he’s still doing detective work. hasnt seen bruce or alfred in a while

alfred visits

case stuff case stuff case stuff it was the clown all along

Jason ends up helping Bruce, since they were both working the same case separately, and they make up

NOW. a lot of shit happens not relevant to nocturna. Jason isnt robin for a while, then he uses Dicks costume, then bruce gets mad at him for that bc its not his costume, so jason uses his own costume, then dick gives him the robin costume, so jason becomes robin. um stuff stuff happens and all it matters is the panel below.

NOW! BACK TO NOCTURNA! 

her comeback arc kinda starts in batman #374, where this lady is like hold on.. bruce wayne isnt jasons legal guardian wtf, is he even fit to have a kid?

so she starts digging around, asking questions 

and shes like yea this is real fishy, give me that kid

so bruce and jason try to behave like uh yes no robin and batman business. let that kid be a kid.

but welp.

and so.. Jason is taken away :( and both of them are heartbroken :( 

but u know what! bruce wayne is one stubborn fucker! and he will fight to have the legal guardianship!

and even if they’re not living together anyomre they’re still the dynamic duo in a way, which like. lol. this lady took this kid away bc she was worried about him but he still ran away.. tch tch tch.

they’re both rlly depressed about the situation

AND THATS WHAT U MISSED ON GLEE!!

NOW. SHES BACK. look at this epic cover

shes now parterning w a dude named nightshade or smth, and he like. rlly wants to hit that, but shes like um pause ⏸️✋my love is the night. the dude, like every other man, is like so im not getting anything from this? fuck u, and leaves. shes like whatevers, ugh how annoying i dont have a partner again & anton is still in prison… &  while shes again chilling she finds out about Bruce trying to legally adopt jason & recognizes jason from the time they talked

& goes to visit him

and theres also this dude, whos not rlly relevant for now, will try to stop bruce from adopting jason which will be relevant later hehe (there's a whole subplot with him and bullock but like it's not rlly relevant to Jason n Natalia) (shrug emoji)

and so. Bruce finds out..

and so the cover becomes a reality, Bruce and Natalia WILL fight in a chuck n cheese parking lot to become Jason’s parent.. and Natalia may try to pull a reverse card on Bruce

and well. Bruce rlly has no chance now does he? and turns out Jason wants this to happen since hes convinced he can unreveal Natalia’s secrets from the inside

and a lil sweet moment between father & son

and then a moment with Amanda, who, in my opinion, did nothing wrong ever

meanwhile Anton comes back, tells Nocturna he killed the dude that was bothering her, and she gets PISSSSEDD OFF shes like u TARNISHED the night by SPILLING BLOOD, u absolute BEAST, Bruce gets there, some weird stuff happens that aged rlly poorly, then Nocturna stabs Anton to save Bruce, turns out she knows hes batman, again shes like marry me to have our son (Jason) and hes like no! and leaves. While Bruce tries to find Anton, Jason is like ive HAD IT i wanna go out, but Natalia stops him

then the next morning Amanda gets her head straight and talks to Jason

but well Jason is hellbent on exposing Natalia from the inside or w/e, and eventually she gets the custody, even if Amanda tries to convince him and the judge Bruce is a better choice (since she noticed Jason clearly favors him and was in pain when he wasnt at the wayne manor)

and everyone is coddling Bruce which im adding bc its cute and i miss this relationship Bruce had with Vicki and Julia 

MEANWHILE, at the knight house. mad hatter is a a weird creepy rat bastard n tries to get control of Natalia & get the information of her brain or smth. Batman gets there & we get a Batman vs Controlled nocturna fight and then Robin also arrives and its Batman & Robin vs Nocturna, but B tells Jason to focus on getting Mad Hatter, which he does and then gets Nocturna back to normal whatever, and she again asks Bruce to marry her, which hes again like no thank u! the issue ends with this page which is rlly sweet imo

next up Anton is back but it doesnt matter rlly. a woman is tending to him, n because shes blind hes like. im batman. yeah. and she believes it. 

AND then Jason is formally adopted by Natalia

Jason is still trying to find proof that shes evil, and they share a moment. 

but jason is like. gotta fight crime! and so Natalia is like well i tried. wanna go be robin a bit?

Batman & Robin go after mad hatter, and then Nocturna joins them bc shes epic

and takes jay home bc its a school night smh

Natalia & Jason spend some time together but Jason still doesn’t warm up to Natalia which like. makes sense since shes a villain and all that, but she tries nevertheless

and then everyones most hated bitch comes back (Yes, anton) n he attacks Natalia, and then Jason when he hears the ruckus and goes to help

but gets a chop

but! Bruce was just on his way to visit them so 

fight fight bruce gets shot in the head n gets amnesia and thinks the dude anton shot & killed was him

Anton swaps their costumes n makes Bruce believe that Anton is batman not him? or smth

afterwards Jason blames himself

and him & Natalia team up to find Bruce which includes.. carrying a corpse around

for three days (well. nights) anton just runs around stealing n shit dressed as batman, n bruce is. literally chilling on a rooftop. alfred is losing his mind bc !? jason hasnt contacted him!? about what happened!? but Julia comes home and comforts him

gotham is a lil in chaos with gordon vicki vale n bullock being suspicious, and the girl who was helping anton finds the stuff he stole and realizes hes not batman.

on the fourth night Jason n Natalia find Anton

n they fight him

but Anton gets the upper hand w Nocturna so Jason jumps in to defend her

and then Nocturna defends Jason bc thats his baby

but Anton doesnt get like. killed w that ofc, and hes like fuck u i’ll kill u one day but when the kid isnt here and after batman has fallen, bye (throws jason from building)

and Natalia reagroup n well.. some things are said

bc like even if Nocturna is helping shes a villain.. right? (thinking emoji)

meanwhile Bruce finally got his mind back. not important. who cares. the lady who was helping Anton goes to the police to tell them about Anton/fake batman dun dun dun. but Anton finds out and knocks out the policeman who went w the girl (Tina!) to check for proof n shit.

and guess whos back! amanda!

back to new dynamic duo

so Jason the little rascal (can i say hes a rascal when hes doing the hero thing n trying to expose a criminal?) goes looking for proof that Natalia is Nocturna n stuff, and finds some stolen things

1. singsonging.. hes such a little shit lmaoo, 2. she was worried… pause…

anyways. they have a confrontation 

in which Natalia swears shes reformed, but Jason doesnt buy it, and is like. im gonna get gordon! and Natalia is like.. do what u think is best

but. he can’t do it..

n hes like. well shes not bad anymore.. i wish i could go back to bruce without sending her to prison which… please development..  n natalia DOES want his love..

AND THEN! BRUCE IS BACK! and he teams up with Nocturna to find Anton, but its just their luck Amanda sees them

they do sm stuff not relevant and then Bruce is like go back to ur son now, and Natalia is like.. OUR son :)

well whatever whatever they get Anton, Bruce goes back to being Batman, they clear his reputation, Jason goes back to the manor since Amanda saw Natalia, etc

(he munches he crunches) also im gonna add this that isnt relevant bc its just so funny, buenos dias alfred

anyways stuff hapens, like idk 14 issues without nocturna, the most important bit that happened is that selina is back. which she was gone. yeah. but shes back and around.

ANYWAYS! 15 issues later! shes back! some dudes entered her old observatory n were vandalizing and she was like hold up

meanwhile we have Jason calling amanda bc he well.. misses his mom and as much as he loves bruce and hes his dad its not the same for some reason

jason in every universe: i miss my mom i want my mom :(

at school Jason overheards some kids talking about Natalia in the observatory

Jason goes looking for Natalia n turns out Bullock was also trying to see what was happening in the observatory, so they kinda team up for two whole panels to find her

but Jason is like im not telling u shit.. n goes w Natalia on his own

google always taking pics

n they share a moment ;_____;

n theyre reunited.. now ur gonna have to excuse me bc i didnt download the high quality of the next tec issues n all the download links are sadly broken

but… what about natalia?

then bullock finds them

well bullock lets her go n while retelling the stuff to gordon he has.. a theory

meanwhile Nocturna.. well Nocturna is back at it again, taking charge of a band of thieves.. sigh. 

anyways, they talk, theres something weird happening w the sky that may mean the world is ending or smth, and they make up AND make out

n they have a talk thats basically like. what now? should we be together? well depends if ur still gonna steal. i need funds to get the observatory back in track (HELLO BRUCE IS RICH HE COULD PAY IT..) and hes like oh so ur gonna be a thief again.. and shes like well havent u noticed im only stealing from corrupt rich politicians!? (QUEEN) n theres this gorgeous shot

n then they go their separate ways bc its fucking batman

anyways. Selina was also investigating the group of thieves (that were like black masks old gang but he was sent to prison so Nocturna took over etc) and she sees Nocturna leaving and follows her to the Observatory but.. Jason is there too

Selina wants her GOOOONE she needs to clear her name but Jason is like. over my dead body

n well ……. the girls are fightinggggggggggggggggggggggggg

but Bruce intercepts

n now Batman n Catwoman fight and its like the girls are fightingggggg… 2! but doesnt matter look at them

and then Selina gets struck by lightning

n then theres a earthquake bc god what a damn comic, and the observatory collapses, and Natalia is trapped inside

anyways Selina is in the hospital, Anton is still killing people and knows where she is and is trying to get to her, and this little scene happens with Jason n B

n while Bruce stays with Selina Jason goes to find Natalia which is so funny like. she went to Natalia, his mom, when Bruce told him to go home and well– we al know that story.

n now its a race to get to Natalia before Anton gets to her

n its rlly sad bc like Natalia is ready to die

n 

but both Bruce n Jason are trying to reach her

and here comes Jason!

AND LIKE. the fact she wants to live after all bc of Jason rlly makes me emotional not gonna lie! not gonna lie!

and no offense but a mother’s love………………………………….. no thoughts head empty

first of all i hate anton so fucking much. secondly here comes batdad..

n Jason tries to help Natalia escape and then get back to Bruce who is getting his ass kinda kicked

guess whos coming in that helicopter.. selina freaking kyle.. the legend.. and she helps Bruce with Anton. 

I REALLY DONT GET THIS TBH LIKE. he puts her into the giant balloon so she can get away but like shes hurt buddy shes gonna die up there.. 

and. shes gone.

n Jason is absolutely devastated

n like. Bruce. as always. is like ok champ i see u got it in control, lmk when u wanna go home

LIKE HES SO SAD.. OF COURSE HES SAD THAT WAS HIS MOM....

And thats. pretty much it. Natalia is gone. 

However Jason still grieves her, and when Bruce and Selina are trying to get back together and... hes not a big fan of their relationship.. at all. But bruce tries to pair them up so they can become at least friends, since he loves them both and doesnt want to like. pick between his son and his lover

and they make a fine team, even if Jason grieving Natalia and how Selina doesnt want to take her place is brought up a couple times :(

and it gives it a bittersweet ending to the arc

and well. thats it. thats the Jason and Natalia dynamic.

Natalia reappers later post crisis but well w/o her connection to Jason.. and i really dont wanna talk about the version of her that appears in batwoman comics LOL.  

conclusion: natalia was a bad lady, who at first wanted to use jason to get money from bruce, but then she had a change of heart, and development and became a kind of anti hero? well not antihero just.. she was trying her best man. i wish she hadnt disappeared like she couldve stayed relevant to jasons story without having to be romantically with bruce? bc if u read her comics u can see that she was killed off/voided for batcat to comeback which... typical batcat! anyways. i think she genuinely loved and cared for jason and that jason loved her and cared for her right back :( 

[bakugous-bakahoe]

Nice to meet you, Mr. Wayne

Bruce X reader.

Summary: The one where (Y/N) tell how she meets Bruce

Tonight was a slow night, Bruce, Dick, and Damian went on patrol. When they saw what a slow night it was. Bruce sent them back to the manor. Now they were sparing with each other. Their mother was working on the Bat-computer while Alfred was upstairs making tea. (Y/N) was giving some directions.

“Now if you go to the left you will be right under them.”While she was talking she heard a thump from behind. She turned around and saw that Damian took dick to the floor. then Dick took Damian foot and slammed him to the ground. “BOY, STOP. you’re going to pop yesterday's stitches” Yelled (Y/N). 

Dick lifted his upper body and turned to her. “Don’t worry mom. we’re good.” He said with a nose bleed. Alfred came through the elevator with a tray of cups of tea. He got closer to (Y/N). Has he set the tray down he handed her a cup of tea. The boys got up from the floor and walked closer to them. Alfred handed Damian his cup while he gave Dick a napkin to wipe off the blood.

As they drink their tea, their mother kept staring at the feed that was showing on the monitor. Her children look at her and they could see something in her eyes. That’s when Damian remembered their conversation from two weeks ago. “Mother.” His mother hummed as she kept staring at the monitor and gave a sip of her tea.

“Do you miss it,” Damian mentions looking that his mother. Dick was a bit confused has to why he would say that.

“What do you mean?” Dick question.

“Right you guys weren’t there when she told me. Mother is from a mafia family.”

“WHAT! Since when?” he looked at his mother.

“Well, Dickie if it’s a family a think that is since always.” She said with a slight smile as she raises her cup to her mouth. She looked back at the screen, then back at her children. “Sometimes, not the whole killing, drug dealing, and the kidnapping. But being out there and beating some people up was sort of my specialty. I never really love being the boss but I did enjoy kicking ass.” she said with a smile.

“Well, mother. Can you tell us how you met.”

“Well, I did say I would. It was about 20 years ago”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~20 years ago~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was a new life for me while my father was in Black Gate. I was trained by my family, well by my 2 aunts and uncle. I was was not yet accustomed to being a boss, let alone a mafia boss, but for now, I was enjoying the party. I have no idea why I’m here but they just told me that an invitation came for me, which was odd, but not unusual. My father is fairly known through Gotham both good and bad. I the other hand, that was different. He always tried to keep me out of if his work has much has he could. Now that he was gone, he couldn’t. So, I came to his art gallery party. This was unusual for the man who is throwing the party. Bruce Wayne, he normally throngs galas or party at his home but in and art gallery, that was odd.

I thought I could have talked to him. Not, tonight though he was busy keeping the old farts occupied. So, I signed a check and went on my merry way. I have bigger shit to deal with right now. Roman Sionis was parking at the trees, he is trying to get my territory. That shit could get real ugly real fast. Yet, I kept calm and told my men to keep tabs on him one move that was out of place was to be reported to me. Although right now I had another plan in mind. I was going to meet the man who put away her father. The Batman. He will be my gateway to take Roman down, Though he didn’t know that he was going to meet me. So, now I am here in the second tallest building in Gotham. And I am going to through myself to see if he will come and rescue me.

God, it’s cold up here. That is when I heard someone drop onto the roof, I was going to turn but I didn’t cause I knew that is if he sees my face he might know who I am. Then he won’t help me so, I will take my chances with a 1,050ft drop. 

“Let me help you.”

“Why?”

“Please step off the ledge”

“No” I stepped forward and went down. I could feel the air pulling my hair up and that is when I felt it. I felt an arm wrapped our my waist and pulled me close to his chest. we landed on a nearby building while I was close to his chest. 

“Are you okay?”

“I am now.” I look up at him. He, on the other hand, doesn’t look too happy. The real question is when does he ever.

“What do you want.”

“Well for starters you can be happy to see me.”

“I should be cuffing you to a spot and calling Gordon.”

“And why is that? I haven’t done anything wrong” I said in a sing-song kinda way while I walk to the railing and got a good look of the city. “ Anyway, I’m not here to cause any trouble. I did that little stunt cause I need your help.”

“And with what exactly?”

She turned to face him and her hands were stretched on both sides and said.

“Has much as I don’t like my job, I still have to keep up the fort somehow. An for that I need you you to take Ronan for me.”

“Why would I do that? I don’t do anything for criminals.”

“Yea, well I don’t do plans with the guy that took my dad to jail but what can do. Plus, a little kitty told me you do favors. Has much as she has stolen from me she has a point.”

“Well, I am not interested.”

“Then get interested, because as much as I hate you I need it. Ronan is coming to my territory, and he's going to start a war is he gets any closer. I don’t want that we know that there's going innocent people getting caught in the crossfire now for the love of.  Will you help me.?!” He didn’t look impressed at all he just Hmm’ed. I was mad.

“Fine you wanna do that okay. I won’t do jack shit. I am not my father and I’m trying to clean a little not do worse things around here. So, Hmm’ed all you want I will let that bastard ruin everything to you can pick up all that is left.” I went to the door that leads to the stairs of the building, I opened the door. Before I left I turned and told him. “You are interested you know where to find me”

With that, I left the roof. That night was stressful after I got back I earned an earful about my aunts. Saying that I shouldn’t have gone to him for help. I was thinking they might be right, so, I gave it put for a while and tried to get everything under control. 

Once again I was invited to an event, This time wasn’t to a gallery it was to a gala for the mayor. Most of the politicians are corrupted and like any other corrupt politician they need the mob behind them, God all I want is a freaking burger nothing else. All these men and women all pampered and only care for themselves. That pisses me off, why are all these people old there isn't anyone a bit my age to talk to. Now I have to be sitting at my table, alone, with two old pervs and an empty sit that the person has yet to arrive.

"And who are you, Little Miss?" one of the old men said his breath reeking of alcohol. I have no intention of answering. I'm here to talk to the mayor, donate, and leave. 

"Aren't you going to answer?" The other man said.

"No," I said with no emotion on my face

"Do you know who we are. I don't even know why your here. This is the VIP table. Why are so important." These men are making me angry. They don't know that I could break their arms.

"I'm here to donate for the mayor and leave. And if I am in this table it means that I'm as important as you men."

" Are you sure you are as important as us or are you just here for the mayors in other business."

"That is in no way to speak to any woman, Please do have some respect." A sudden new voice came from the side of us. A tall man proximally 6' something, he has jet black hair and deep blue eyes. Bruce Wayne was the one missing from the table. Bruce Wayne. What an Ass. 

"Mister Wayne, we didn't if you were going to arrive."

"Why are you saying something so stupid." He said as he fixed his bow tie. Damn this man is too handsome for his own good. He took the chair pulled it back and sat down. "If she is here it means she donates the same or more amount of money then you. So, please stop with the degrading."

"We weren't degrading her."

"No, you were just telling her that she may be a prostitute." The men huffed and both of them stood up from their chair and then left the table. Then he turned his attention to me. "Well, I don't think we've met. Do I know you?"

" No, we haven't. But I am certain that everyone in this room including me knows who you are," I say with a slight smile on my face. He smiled back and we started to talk with each other.

“A thank you is in order.”  I take my hand and extended out to shake his hand. "My name is (Y/N) (L/N), Nice to meet you, Mr. Wayne 

“ Well, Nice to meet you as well, Miss. (L/N).” He extended his and we shook hands 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The present ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What that’s it. Nothing more you just meet and them Boom you got together?!” Said Dick.

“No there’s more but I have things to do tomorrow, and it’s 3 a.m. I don’t want to be late. So, good night, please go to sleep, especially you, Damian.” She pointed at Damian. “You have school tomorrow.” Damian scuffed and crossed his hand. 

“Well, good night boys.”  

[grouptalekindnesssoulstories]

To Fly A Rainbow

So uhhh...I just wanted wings? I have no other explanation

Words:~1,200

Warnings:Swearing, misgendering, homophobia/transphobia, threatening to out someone

“Lady Danielle Ekafae and her parents, Lord and Lady Ekafae” A herald announced the arrival of the last guests. Prince Roman settled his wings slightly, adjusting them to compensate for a too stiff chair. The estate who was hosting the ball had very few chairs made for the royal family and their wings. Those had gone to the King and Queen, and Crown Prince Remus. Roman knew there was another chair he could have used, but his gayness was offensive to the hosts. So he would suffer silently until the ball ended. 

“If I may, Prince Roman, I would like to request a dance with you” or not.

“Of course, my lady” He stood to honor Lady Danielle’s request. Like the perfect gentleman he was, he bowed before offering his arm. The lady giggled and took it. He swept them out to the middle of the dance floor. 

“That chair didn’t look comfortable” She remarked, eyes glittering. Curse her sharp eyes. 

“No, it wasn’t. However, a prince never complains-” He twirled her “-and my gay ass offended our hosts” 

“Well I hope Deceit strikes them soon” She took her eyes off him for the first time since the songs began. He noticed her studying the walls. 

“Usually I would say that he is a criminal and I hope he’s caught. However, because it’s you and you’d know I’m lying...I hope the same. He’s done a lot for me and my brother. Hopefully Re can come public with his marriage soon” Roman watched as for the first time all night, Danielle’s muscles relaxed. 

“Oh? Is he gay too?” She looked up at him, a small smile on her face.

“Yes. We’re twins, what did you expect? He’s married to our advisor Logan and Patton, a cook down in the kitchens. So, that’s another strike against him. Luckily, he’s good at social stuff. He also has helped marry others, who otherwise wouldn’t be able to. Our parents are trying, but the nobles aren’t budging” 

“You love him a lot. Well, I can tell you my parents are for it. They’ve accepted me since I came out” She smiled.

“Lesbian?” He dipped her, kissing her hand as he prepared to step away. She was swept away before she could answer fully. 

~~~

The rest of the party passed in a blur. Before Roman knew it, he was settling in a guest bedroom. He sighed, putting away his day clothes. He’d help wash them tomorrow, but right now he wanted to sew up a hole in his sock. As he was finishing, he heard a creak. 

“You can come in Re. I’m still up” He called softly. Instead of a door open, the window swung open of its own accord. A figure dressed all in black climbed in, making the odd event less odd. When its face turned to the prince, he saw that it was covered in snake face paint. 

“D-deceit” He stammered, scrambling backwards on the bed. Deceit just tilted his head at the prince. After studying him for a moment, the black-clad figure raised a finger to his lips and crept out of the room. Roman’s hands were shaking as he tied off his work and put his sock away. He considered going to sleep, but decided against it. Deceit occasionally left bodies in his wake and the prince’s would be quite the fuss. After an agonizingly slow hour, Deceit returned. When he noticed the prince was still awake, he once again tilted his head. 

“I wouldn’t dare hurt you, Your Highness. Besides, you have been nothing if not a leader in the fight for our rights. Sleep well, and know that you have nothing to fear” A familiar voice hissed through the painted face. Before Roman could place it, Deceit was gone. 

~~~

The next few weeks were quiet in the hunt for Deceit. After Roman reported the sighting to his parents, they stepped up the defense as well. It seemed the man had decided to lay low while the alarm was raised. 

“Ro. Why are you so distant?” Patton nudged his brother in law to startle him out of his thoughts. The Crown Prince had invited his partners and his partner to hang out in his room. Logan was busy trying to keep their husband from completely derailing a speech they were working on. 

“It’s nothing. Just thinking about what the thief told me. It still haunts me” Roman admitted after a second.

“Well, I have been looking over the records. It appears he goes after those who have been homophobic. Either behind closed doors, or openly, they all have that connection” Logan had given up trying to stop Remus, and had hidden the original copy of their work and left the other one with their husband. 

“Wait, really?” Roman straightened. 

“Indeed. and all of the murders he left a note. All of the inheriting children reported that it was a warning to not follow in their parent’s footsteps” The advisor straightened, adjusting their glasses. 

“Huh. That’s kinda neat? I guess. I know, I know. It’s rude to be glad of their deaths” Ro waved off the reprimand. Logan sighed and continued after a moment.

“Yes. Well, in an effort to prevent that, your father has compiled a list of everyone who has been against the changes. Hopefully we can prevent further crimes by our elusive friend”

“Awww, you think of me as a friend! Can you show me the list? My brain is coming up empty on who to go after next!” The group’s attention all snapped up to the top of the window. Deceit sat there, picking his nails. When they all finally took note of him, he wiggled his fingers in greeting. Remus reached for his bow. The thief clicked his tongue. 

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you. I told my associate that if I wasn’t back by dinner, to reveal your little secret. It would a shame if the crown prince was revealed to be gay and polyamourous!” Remus immediately lowered his bow and drew his partners behind him. 

“Deceit, please. Leave him alone” Roman begged as he stepped forward. 

“Only for you dear. Oh, and tell Dee I said hi. Well, Lady Danielle I suppose. He’s trans though. Goes by Janus. His parents are sweethearts. Use them to help get your reforms in place. Ta-ta” the familiarity of the voice finally snapped into place within Roman’s brain. 

“Wait, please. I’m sorry I misgendered you throughout” The figure paused. Before long, he turned around again. The forced hissing dropped. 

“You...you figured it out? I. I was so careful. Hit them regularly for a simple robbery to disguise it. How?” He sounded so vulnerable. Roman finally realized why it was so hard to pin down his voice. He was on T. Before he could think any more, he shot in the air to perch next to him. 

“Your voice. And how gentle you were when you saw me awake. When I used the right pronouns. there were a thousand little things that snapped into perspective when you mentioned yourself” He reached out a tanned hand, carefully wiping away some of the make-up around Janus’s eyes. 

“Get him bro!” Remus cackled, his bow returned to his place. Both of the perched duo went bright red at that. 

“Look my scaly friend, you don’t have to do this anymore. We’ve got it. Please, just....go live your life. i’m guessing your parents know?” Roman finally choked out, a flashy smile replacing the surprised expression. 

“Yea. They were the first to know. I told them when I was little, and they’ve done everything they could to help. They also figured out I was Deceit too. They told me as long as I wasn’t cruel, I could continue” Janus had a quiet smile on his face. Roman smiled and kissed his forehead. 

“I’ll take over the fight from here. Thank you dear, but it’s time for political battles” Roman made to move so his companion could leave. Before he could do anything though, Janus grabbed his sash and pulled him into a kiss. After a minute, Roman melted into it. They broke apart with twin gasps amidst cheers. 

“I never answered your question. I’m gay too. Sleep well Darling” He called over his shoulder, drawing out the name sweetly. 

“I’m so doomed”

“That you are Ro. Come on, we have dinner with Dad soon” Remus snapped his wings to get his brother’s attention. 

“Gimme...a sec. Gotta figure out what just happened” 

~~~

Seven long years, the new laws were welcomed in with the younger prince kissing his husband. 

Janus had stolen Roman’s heart for his final crime. 

[horansqueen]

You & Me : chapter 12

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.9k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- notes: i hope it sorta hit a bit? does it sting? it had to happen sorry! i cant wait to write the next chapter 😭

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : i didnt add the “never have i ever” suggestions that i used but THANK YOU if you sent some, i used a few! also, i had other requests and ideas from people and i may use them a bit later, in a future chapter. actually i know when ill use them lol youll see :)

Chapter 12 : Her chapter

OLIVIA

"Shit, I don't know what to wear!" I exclaimed to myself as i put clothes in front of me, standing next to to mirror. "Horrible."

I threw the shirt away, aiming for the bed but it fell next to it and I didn't even send it a glance as I took an other one.placing it on my chest and tilting my head at my reflection. I glanced up when I saw Louis walk by and stop immediately, holding himself on the door frame with a smirk.

"Put a skirt on." he let out, making me raise my eyebrows. "It'll be easier for him to fuck you against the wall."

My eyes got smaller and I reached out for my tissue box before throwing it his way. He moved right on time and it hit the wall in a thug, making him laugh.

"Don't be so violent!" he smirked, walking in my room and leaning on the wall. "I'm just saying out loud what you think about late at night, if you know what I mean."

I turned to him, opening my eyes wide and shaking my head. I couldn't believe Louis was talking about me masturbating to the thought of my ex boyfriend like it was nothing.

"Oh my god, shut up!" I let out with a chuckle. "You're so annoying!"

"Look, I woke up and he was getting out of your room." Louis pointed out. "He spent the night with you. In your bed. Wearing nothing but BOXERS!"

"We just slept." I argued with a shrug, trying not to show him that the thought of Niall almost naked in bed with me was actually doing something to me. "I was sick, remember?"

"Yea, you were 'sick'" he repeated, pronouncing the last word louder and adding fake quotation marks with his fingers.

"I was! A few of your sushis weren't good, Lou." I explained, throwing an other shirt away and grabbing a new pair of jeans. "You know it's true, I heard you vomit in the middle of the night, too."

"That's not the point." he explained, getting suddenly a lot more serious than he normally is. "Olivia, you should break up with Dylan." I stopped dead in my track and even stopped breathing. My heart, though, was beating extremely hard against my rib cage and it's all I could hear. "Did you even think about him recently? He's not here and you don't even seem to miss him, especially not when Niall is around."

I did think about Dylan, though, but I didn't talk about my thoughts, mostly because I felt fucking guilty about almost everything that came to my mind. I felt like shit towards my boyfriend but I didn't have the guts to tell him that I was getting closer and closer to Niall. I didn't know how to tell him that spending time with Niall had been some sort of relief in my life, that being able to be around Niall again was making me generally happier, that when I was near him, I felt more alive. There was no good way to tell that to the man you were about to marry, not without hurting him.

"I love Dylan and I miss him, you know that damn well, Louis." I argued, feeling tears coming to my eyes. "But Niall is... Niall is Niall. Niall is the love of my life."

Louis uncrossed his arms and walked closer as I closed my eyes. I didn't want to look at him. I didn't want to face reality at all. I wanted to spend time with Niall and pretend I would be able to resist him the next time he'd try to kiss me. I wanted to pretend that I was going totally okay with watching Niall and Heidi get married and have kids at some point in the future while i'd do the same with Dylan. I wanted to believe I didn't have to break an incredible man’s heart because of my own disgusting selfishness... that everything was fine and that what was happening between Niall and I was perfectly normal.

"I know he is." Louis said gently, placing his hands on my upper arms from behind. "I see you two interact and it's so obvious, Olivia. The way you two connect it's... it's probably terrifying for Dylan and Heidi, you know?"

I opened my eyes and sniffed before swallowing the lump in my throat. I was not going to cry. There was no fucking way I was going to cry now and ruin my make up. We didn't connect, and we wouldn't connect on that night, I was going to make sure of it.

"Don't worry, I'll be okay. I'll prove to you and everyone else that Niall and I are only friends, you'll see."

I was mostly trying to convince myself of that but I just reached out to my wardrobe and grabbed a skirt, like Louis had proposed. I was going to have fun tonight and nothing else.

"Liv, don't be like that."

I turned to Louis and shook my head slightly.

"I'm not losing Dylan, okay? I can't. Do you know what are the chances for me to find an other man like him? Kind, sweet, smart, funny and who truly loves me? I've risked my relationship enough, don't you think?"

"So last night, when Niall joined you in your bed, you didn't feel anything?" he asked a bit harshly, raising his eyebrows at me. "I saw him take care of you when you were puking your guts out, you know?"

"You don't base a romantic relationship on lust, Louis. You should know that." I shook my head, searching my drawers for a shirt. "Niall always took care of me, since we were kids. It's nothing new. And it means nothing."

Louis stayed there, motionless and quiet as I picked my clothes and when he realized I wouldn't look at him again, he sighed.

"We're leaving in 10 minutes." he turned around and walked to the door as I swallowed my tears again. "And Liv? I love you. I want what's best for you. My opinion is just that, an opinion but... I don't think you'll ever be happy if you're not with Niall. I don't think he'll ever be happy without you either."

                                                       ---

The bar was crowded but we reached a quiet spot on the second floor, in the back of the room. Everyone was arrived and I couldn't stop glancing at Niall, who ended up sitting next to me. Now that he was close, all the bullshit I had told Louis earlier didn't seem so important anymore. Nothing ever seemed more important than Niall, and it was a problem.

Louis came back with a pitcher and sat on the other side of me with Eleanor while Harry, Liam and Julie sat on the other side of the table. I didn't know where Harry's girlfriend was, or if he even was with her anymore. We had told each other we would remain friends but things change and we drifted apart. I sighed low, a bit nostalgic of that friendship before we all started drinking. I was getting drunk and from the way Niall's eyes sparkled, I felt like he was getting there, too. Or maybe it was just that I was so drunk I was starting to imagine things.

I could feel the skin of his arm brush against mine and I cleared my throat, trying to stop thinking about it before turning around to send him a smile.

"So where's your girlfriend?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

"Oh she'll be here soon."

I didn't expect this answer and raised my eyebrows as my lips parted. I didn't want to see her, and it was not only because we didn't get along. Most of all, I didn't want to see her all over Niall the way she had been when they invited us for dinner. Why was I so ready to prove everyone that I was able to resist my ex boyfriend but as soon as he was near, I couldn't handle myself?

"Okay, let's play a game!" Liam said, tapping the table a few times with his palm. "Truth or Dare?"

"No no, 'never have I ever'!" Louis argued, making me raise my nose up in a grimace.

These games never ended well, at least most of the time, except that one time where I decided to just kiss Harry, but a few minutes later, Niall had kissed a girl too and that was not a good ending, at least not to me.

"Okay, I found questions online!" Eleanor let out with a chuckle. "If you've done it, you take a sip, and no one lies!"

"Yea, I'll call you out if I see one of you lie!" Louis agreed, making my heart skip a beat.

I was screwed.

"Never have I ever... drunk-dialed an ex!"

I held my breath and started nibbling on my bottom lip. So many times, I had wanted to call Niall when I was drunk but every time, Louis was there to snatch the phone out of my hands. I glanced when I saw Niall drink and I wondered who he had tried to call. I had never received a phone call or a text message from him after we broke up, so I knew it was not me, and somehow, it made me jealous. He missed an ex so much that he called her... did that mean he never really missed me?

"Never have I ever... stolen someone's food!"

"Louis! You drink!" I let out, my eyebrows raised. "You always eat all my fucking left-overs!"

"What? Nah."

"He does!" Eleanor agreed with me with a chuckle, hitting him gently with her elbow.

He groaned but finally took a long sip of his beer, making me smile more.

"Okay, never have I ever... called a partner the wrong name during sex!"

I chuckled but felt my heart jump in my chest when I noticed Niall taking a long sip of his drink. We all looked at him and started laughing and he simply shrugged.

"I was drunk, I didn't know the girl's name!" he argued, laughing too.

I let my eyes roam on his face, wondering who exactly was that girl and if she had been someone he had sex with after he left me but I didn't dare to ask.

"Never have I ever.... lied to a law enforcement officer."

I laughed when I saw Louis drink and Liam started laughing, his eyebrows raised.

"Wait what? What was the lie?" he asked curiously, leaning slightly against the table.

"He lied to get out of a ticket." I replied, rolling my eyes.

"Why? Because he was going too slow?"

Everyone started laughing and Louis grimaced before flipping Liam off, making everyone laugh even more. I leaned closer to Louis and kissed his cheek gently before he wiped my kiss vigorously from his skin.

"Traitor!" he whispered as I chuckled, blowing him an other kiss.

"Never have I ever... sent nudes."

Without thinking, my eyes found Harry immediately and his did too. We stared at each other for a few seconds before our lips curled. I grabbed my drink and took a sip as he did the same, just like Julie, Liam and Louis.

"Did you send nudes to your boyfriend or your ex boyfriend, Olivia?"

I sent a mean glance at Louis and he smirked, making me know he was getting back at me for the last question.

"One time, Harry, Niall and I played 'truth or dare' and Harry asked me if I had ever taken nudes. I guess we continued that conversation a bit later and.. shared.. selfies..."

Louis' eyes got bigger and he pressed his lips together, knowing he had made things a bit awkward but finding it funny anyway. I glanced at Niall, noticing he was staring at me, and finally cleared my throat, asking El for the next question.

"Never have I ever.... hooked up with someone of the same sex or gender."

My eyes once again found Harry. I knew we were pretty much the only one who didn't want to label ourselves around the table and I brought my drink closer to him. He smiled and clinked his glass against mine before we both took a sip.

"You guys have no idea what you're missing." he let out after swallowing, making us laugh.

"Oh my god, Liv, you're gonna love this one. Never have I ever had food poisoning."

I laughed and took a sip, pushing the side of my body against Louis'. He groaned and took a sip and when I turned around, I noticed Niall frowned. I moved closer, holding my breath to make sure I wouldn't smell his incredible scent, and smiled a bit.

"Last night, Louis got sick because of his sushis, too."

I saw an emotion pass on Niall's face and his lips finally curled before he chuckled. Was that relief? I nibbled on my bottom lip when I remembered what he had asked me in the middle of the night and the right corner of my lips raised. I didn't know why he didn't want me to be pregnant with Dylan's baby but I liked it.

"Never have I ever been the subject of a rumor that wasn’t true." Eleanor read with a big smile. "Oh god, I think we can all drink!"

We all laughed and ended up finishing our glasses, handing each other the pitchers to fill them back again. I almost choked on the sip I was taking when Heidi arrived and she quickly sat next to Niall, making something stir in my stomach. I closed my eyes tight when she kissed him and I felt Louis' hand on my arm.

"It's okay to be hurt, love." he whispered. "If it matters, she's got nothing on you. She's also doing that to get to you."

I breathed in and out slowly before opening my eyes again. I noticed Heidi looking at me and sending me a sly smile that really bothered me.

"I'll get shots!"

Harry left with Liam and the whole time they were gone, I played with my fingers nervously. I felt like the whole evening was ruined because of her but I couldn't let that get to me, right? As soon as the guys put the shots in the middle of the table, I grabbed one and swallowed it quickly, followed by Louis.

"Wait, guys! This is for the game!" Harry explained. "And it's a surprise, you don't know what you drink!"

That's when I noticed the huge amount of shots on the table and raised my eyebrows just as Eleanor read the next question.

"Never have I ever... caught someone masturbating."

I held my breath and my eyes got bigger. I didn't want to turn to Niall but it was stronger than me. He was already looking at me and he chuckled.

"One time, when I was 13, Liv caught me masturbating. She just walked in my room without knocking!"

I smiled and pressed my lips together but my smile faltered when I realized he had no idea that I had caught him masturbating last time I actually slept at his place. The sight of him jerking off flashed in my mind and I gripped my glass tighter until I heard his voice again.

"Oh and remember at the lodge?" he asked with a smirk. "I came back in the room the first day we got there and-”

"Nooo! Shut up!"

I moved closer to him, trying to press my hand over his mouth but he dodged me and ended up just holding my wrist as he finished his sentence.

"And I caught Olivia masturbating in the dark, in our room!"

"Oh my god I hate you." I groaned, leaning my forehead on the table as I heard laughter. "That was a secret!"

"Was it though?" Niall asked, his lips dangerously close to my ear.

I held my breath and waited a few seconds to look up, noticing Louis had given a shot to Niall and was now handing me one. I drank it quickly, turning the glass around and putting it on the table. Tequila, ouch.

"Never have I ever... tried anal sex."

Once again, I closed my eyes and groaned, bringing one of my hands on my face as Niall laughed next to me. I was really going to get drunk. I reached for two shots and handed one to Niall who just chuckled and drank it fast. I did it took and raised my nose up. Sambuca. I hated that.

"Wow, who the hell are you?" Louis asked, raising his eyebrows while looking at me. "Little wild thing. Can't believe you let him!"

It was not my first time trying anal but I decided not to mention it. The truth was, when I was dating Niall, I would have done anything for him. There was no limit, as long as he stayed with me and was happy, it was all that mattered to me. I suddenly felt the urge to kiss him and held my breath as I stared at him. My heart was hitting so hard against my rib cage I thought it was just going to escape. Literally. It was ridiculous. I was not ready to do anything for anyone anymore, except myself. That's how things should be.

"Never have I ever... hooked up with an ex’s friend."

Once again, I knew I had to drink. Not everyone in the room knew that I had slept with Louis and I thought maybe it would be better if I didn't drink at all but the worst would be if I hesitated. If I just drank, they could believe it was an other ex than Niall but if I didn't seem sure, they'd know I was not at ease and it would be suspicious. I rolled my eyes, realizing I was going a bit too far in my thoughts and just grabbed an other shot, swallowing it quickly. I felt Louis' hand squeeze my thigh and my lips curled slightly. He knew and it was enough for me.

"Never have I ever... tried to make an ex jealous."

I sighed and took an other shot, shaking my head.

"We need to find questions that won't force me to get so drunk I won't be able to walk in half an hour!" I argued with a chuckle, watching as Niall grabbed a shot too.

I was starting to hate this game, if only for the fact that all I did was drink and check if Niall would drink too and if he did, I'd just spend a few minutes wondering who it was about and what exactly it meant. I glanced at Heidi, thinking she should probably drink but didn't and I rolled my eyes.

I never really had tried to make Niall jealous but I had hoped for it. I was not getting married to make him regret leaving me, but when I noticed his reaction when he found out and stormed out of the cafe, I couldn't pretend it didn't do anything to me. It did. I liked it. It gave me hope. Hope for what? I was not sure.

"Never have I ever... second-guessed a relationship."

I was getting pissed at myself for letting all his simple gestures and actions get to me. I loved him, I loved him so fucking bad it was driving me insane, but there was no way I was going back to being the 'no-back-bone-and-fucking-blind' girl I used to be when we were dating. I didn't want that. I reached for a shot and placed it in front of Niall a bit roughly, spilling a few drops of what I believed was rum, or at least, it smelled like it.

"Do you need only one?"

Somehow, everyone stopped talking and although I should feel guilty, I really couldn't. I was past the tipsy stage and a few memories were coming back to my mind. I also didn't enjoy Heidi's presence and the way she was so close to him. Niall looked down and licked his lips, waiting a few seconds before drinking the shot and pushing the glass away. Eleanor cleared her throat and I just shook my head with a sigh.

"Uhm, never have I ever cheated on a partner."

I closed my eyes again but this time for a complete different reason. I thought about the first time Niall touched me. I could almost still feel his fingertips brush on my skin before he had pushed them inside me. I can't remember being this excited ever in my whole life. This time, I didn't have to say anything. Niall just reached out to grab a shot and swallowed it.

"Not on Liv, right?"

Niall turned to Louis and shook his head.

"No. With her." My eyes moved to Heidi's hand who gripped Niall's arm tighter sinking her nails in his skin. I couldn't help but think she did that when they fucked, too.  "It was back when I was with Maya."

I noticed Harry was looking at me with a frown and I just shook my head slightly, answering his silent question. He nodded and his lips curled a bit as I answered his smile. No, I had no cheated on Harry. I wouldn't have done that, not even for Niall... right?

"It was... unplanned." Niall added, making me press my lips together.

The memory was so vivid, probably due to the alcohol and mixed with the proximity of Niall's body, that I had to get up and go to the bathroom. As I got up, I realized how drunk I was and tried to walk straight. I didn't like to show I was drunk and I was not sure why but when I got out of the bathroom, Louis was leaning against the wall, waiting for me.

"El and I are leaving, we've got a brunch in her family tomorrow morning, so I'll sleep at her place." he explained with a frown. "Are you okay? We can give you a ride home if you want."

"No, thank you." I shook my head. "I'll just take a cab."

"No, no cab by yourself. One of those fuckers will bring you home when you'll be ready. I'll make sure of it. And if anything happens, you call me."

I nodded and he pulled me into a hug, making me close my eyes. I wanted to tell him that I missed him, and that I missed having sex with him, but it was a lie. What I actually missed was to be close to someone, and I sort of felt like I was losing him, somehow. Soon, we were not going to live together anymore and I had no idea if I was okay with that.

"Sorry for that game, although it went better than you thought, right?"

I chuckled and pulled away before nodding. He sent me a wink and told me goodnight and I watched him leave before sighing and walking back to the table with difficulty. Liam and Julie were getting up too and I frowned, tilting my head when I got closer.

"Are you guys leaving too?"

"Yea, we're both a bit tired." Julie explained.

They said their goodbyes to everyone and I ended up sitting next to Harry and in front of Niall. I watched as Heidi talked in his ear with a smirk and I glanced down to watch her arm disappear, realizing she probably had her hand on his thigh, or even somewhere else. I looked away and swallowed at the intense feeling of jealousy invading me.

"Oh, Olivia, I know you'll be alone tonight, would you rather sleep home?"

I frowned at Heidi, a bit surprised about her proposition and licked my lips, trying to find a reason why she would actually want me to be with both of them at his place. To show me he belonged to her, perhaps? To keep on being all over him in front of me?

"No it's okay, she can come home." Harry just said, getting up and grabbing his phone. "I'm alone tonight, too."

"It's cool, Harry. She'll sleep at mine." Niall quickly replied, getting up to. "Plus, it's closer."

They looked at each other and Harry finally sighed before bending down and whispering to me.

"Are you okay with that?" I just nodded and he did the same. "Okay, darling."

Heidi drove us back home since she had barely drank and I noticed Niall kept glancing at me in the mirror but I didn't acknowledge him. I knew he was a bit mad at me for some of the things I had said and if I wanted to be honest, I really thought I was over all of that, but the thought of him breaking my heart and not being sure of the relationship we had made something burn inside me... I was not mad. I was still hurt. I probably always would be.

Niall let me borrow a pair of his sweatpants and a shirt and none of us really talked at all. We just went to bed and before I knew it, I was laying on my back, under the covers, in the dark, just staring at the ceiling. Normally, I would have a conversation with Niall until we'd both fall asleep but that night, it was impossible. He was going to cuddle her all night, and not me. The thought made me swallow hard and I tried to keep my tears in. I was intoxicated and just closing my eyes made me dizzy.

That's when I heard it. It made my heart jump so hard in my chest I was near throwing up. A moan. Just a low moan disturbing the silence of the night and then, an other one. I got up slowly, my heart beating harder, making my whole body throb and when I opened the door, I held my breath. I stepped out of the room and It was clear, now. A bunch of moans reached my ears and I leaned my back against the wall, shutting my eyes tight.

"Oh, fuck, Niall!"

I felt tears invade my eyes and I let myself slide on the wall until my ass hit the floor. I heard noise, like the annoying sounds of a mattress moving, and I brought my hand to my mouth, trying to keep in the sobs that wanted to escape. This is exactly why Heidi wanted me to sleep at their place but the one I really blamed was Niall. How could he do that to me? Wasn't breaking my heart once enough? What the hell was he thinking?

I was sitting down alone in the hall, now as sober as possible in these circumstances, listening to my ex boyfriend, the man I was in love with, having sex with his girlfriend. It was so pathetic I didn't even take the time to wipe the tears that fell on my cheeks, I just accepted my fate, motionless, like it was something I actually deserved. I tried to think about my boyfriend, filming a movie in an other country, but it couldn't distract me from the noises coming from his room. All these images of Heidi riding him as he touched her and told her how much he loved her invaded my brain and I felt suddenly nauseous. It made me realize one thing. It was not so much that they had sex, that really bothered me, although it did hurt me to some extent. What was really hard to accept was that he may have feelings for her, stronger feelings than he had for me. I also couldn't really believe he cared so little about me that he'd literally do it while I was in the same house, in the room literally next to mine.

I cried more, feeling like this moment would never fucking end. It's only when I heard his voice for the first time that something inside me seemed to click. He had groaned and I hated it. It was a low and simple grunt but it made me want to literally die on the spot. I don't know where I found the strength but I quickly got up, walked back to the guest room and grabbed my purse before rushing to the front door and stepping out of the house into the dark night. The door closed roughly behind me and I realized they may have heard. I quickly left and ran across the street, my shoes hitting the ground being the only sound around. It was only when I was totally out of breath that I decided to call a cab. I just wanted to erase that whole evening from my mind. I just wanted to erase all my feelings and be happy again but I couldn't lie to myself. The only time I was truly happy was when I was with Niall... and that was over. There was no hope left inside me.