#and would really like to see this it’s been a dream of mine ngl

[acrosstimeandspace]

there’s going to be a showing of the nutcracker ballet in a city near me but idk anyone who’d go with me and it’s still far by train

[thehighladywrites]

— “tell me you’re mine.” “ i’m yours.”

☀︎ — pairing: azriel x afab!reader

☀︎ — summary: you dream that azriel was cheating on you and now you can’t look at him without being annoyed. It’s not really his fault, but still… azriel reassures you, promising that you’re the only one for him.

☀︎ — warnings: a sprinkle of angst, fluff, a bit of crack, smut, oral (m. receiving), fingering, dirty talk, fluffy smut ngl, mentions of crying, cursing, mentions of hickeys and bruises

☀︎ — amara’s note: i loved writing this, also this is my apology fluff fic for the angst fic. hope you liked it! also english isn’t my first language so if you see any grammar errors, no you didn’t 🫶🏽 i think this is my proudest work🥹

tags: @callmeblaire @rowaelinsdaughter @azrielslightintheshadows @hauntedwitch04

Azriel’s brows furrowed as you avoided his hug for the second time today and just walked past him, acting like he wasn’t more than a ghost. This whole brushing him off thing had been going on all day and he was genuinely confused. Were you in a bad mood? Was your cycle coming? Azriel knew you were emotional during this time, but you usually stuck to him like glue.

He checked his mental calendar - no, not for another two months.

Did he say something to you? He replayed everything he said and every conversation you had yesterday and today but nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

Well, except for the fact that you were flat out ignoring him.

Azriel felt distressed over the fact that you ignored him, and he just wanted to be closer to calm down. Knowing he might have upset you, deeply unsettled him, prompting a strong desire to bridge the emotional gap between you.

Azriel found solace in your presence whenever he felt upset. You'd sprawl on the plush bed, arms open wide, inviting him into your embrace with a soft and tender expression. His head would rest on your chest, settling his weight on you, comforted by the beat of your calming heartbeat. It was a sweet sanctuary he sought when the world felt heavy.

There was nothing calm or sweet about the way you didn't spare him a second look, pouting as you carried on with your day. Occasional dagger stares shot his way, and even though you thought he didn't notice, he did. Of course, he did. The tension in the air was palpable as your silent discontent lingered.

Azriel decided to start small and ask an easy question, not daring to accidentally say something that will set you off.

“So, angel, what have you done while I was gone? Is the book you picked out yesterday any good?”

Sipping on the delightful peppermint tea, you huffed and snorted, keeping your gaze fixed on the window from the comfort of the soft sofa in the sitting room.

“Well, wouldn’t you just love to know?”

His brain was scrambled at this point, desperately attempting to save the clearly and very obviously dying conversation.

“Uh, yes? I’d love to know. If you don’t want to talk about the book then that’s fine but-”

“You’re just giving up so easy, Azriel. Atleast fight a bit. No wonder you cheated on me…”

Huh? What the actual fuck?? Confused and shocked, his brain went haywire, jaw dropping as he struggled to find words. A bewildered look crossed his face as he grappled with the unexpected situation.

He cheated on you? What were you talking about? The mere thought of being near another woman made him nauseous. Really, he didn’t like being around people at all, so the thought of going out of his way to find someone and then invite them to bed was something that made him shiver.

“What are you saying? I would never be unfaithful to you, please let’s just talk.” he dropped to his knees infront of you, panicked, trying to find the words to explain himself and to clear his name of something he didn’t do.

“You cheated on me. Yeah, with some blonde girl. And you seemed to enjoy it, too. Ugh, I’m so pissed, I can’t even look at you.” You put down your teacup a bit too hard as you folded your arms over your chest, glaring out the window in silent anger.

The crackling of the hearth was the only sound as Azriel's face paled. He was at a loss – how did you come to believe he was unfaithful? Where did these thoughts come from? The mystery hung in the air, a palpable tension challenging the warmth of the fireplace.

“If I truly was unfaithful, can you provide details? When did this happen, and where was I with this girl?” You felt his pleading, questioning stare burn into you from where he knelt.

Okay, so maybe you shouldn’t keep this up. He didn’t actually cheat on you. It was a dream but it felt so realistic that when you woke up and saw him besides you, you actually snarled. There you were, struggling to look at him without mentally replaying the scene of some random woman giving Azriel's body a tour. Fucking hell, you had never felt such betrayal and hurt by something that didn’t even happen.

But it felt silly to tell Azriel that you were mad at him for something your subconscious created , a dream you had dreamt. So you simply avoided him instead.

But damn, he was persistent.

Perhaps it was irrational, but you felt a desire to stir up some drama, maybe hoping to shake things up a bit.

“Okay, Azriel, I’ll spill. Yesterday at Rita’s, this blonde woman was all over you, touching everywhere. And you, shamelessly soaked it up like it was a spa. In my dream you also smiled as you held eye contact with me. You totally knew I saw you and did it anyways.” You looked away, breathing deeply as the memories invaded your mind.

Azriel felt a combination of relief and disbelief as you revealed it was all a dream. But he wouldn’t downplay what you imagined since he deep down felt your hurt through the bond. You had already been married for decades but the bond had snapped about 7 months, still new, so he understood that seeing him with someone else was hard. Hell, he’d feel absolutely murderous if he ever dreamt of some male feeling you up and fucking you, even if it was a dream.

He stood up as he dragged you to your feet and tilted his head, assessing if he should approach you or not,

“Sweetheart, you know I'd never do such a thing, right? How could I ever be unfaithful to you, my sweet girl? You're my perfect mate, my loving wife, my everything.”

He stepped closer and closer until his enticing scent enveloped you. Oh, how did you go an entire day without being close to him? Your mate towered over you, gently gripping your chin and tilting your head up. His face mere centimeters away, a magnetic force pulling you into a moment that blurred any lingering doubts.

“ I love you more than anything on this planet. In no universe would I ever stray away from you - you’re my beloved home, my cauldron fated. Over my dead body would I ever entertain another woman. I’ve waited for over half a millennium for you and I’d wait a million more for just a minute with you, sweetheart. I will never allow myself to disrespect you like that ever, I promise.”

Tears welled up in your eyes as he drew closer, his soft lips meeting yours. In that moment, your love for him overwhelmed everything else. His gentle kiss offered reassurance and warmth, the sting of the bargain tattoo fading into the background as he continued, sending shivers down your spine.

Needing one last push of reassurance you beg him for a last sentence. Looking up at him with glossy eyes, you whisper,

“Say you’re mine. Say you belong to me.”

"I'm yours, I belong to you. Just as you're mine, you belong to me."

Tears streamed down as your heart raced, overwhelmed by his sincere devotion to you.

He wiped away your tears gently, his eyes filled with unwavering affection. “No more doubts, my love. We're bound to each other, and I'll spend every moment proving my devotion to you.”

His words hung in the air, creating a comforting embrace that removed any lingering insecurities, even ones in dreamscapes.

You slumped in his arms, finding solace in the embrace of his huge arms. He held you tightly, rocking you gently from side to side, creating a soothing rhythm. Your tears dried, replaced by a sense of calm as the only audible sound became the steady beat of his heart. Inhaling his calming scent, you grounded yourself in the reassurance of your mate's embrace.

Azriel tenderly stroked your hair, his touch a gentle reassurance. In a heartfelt moment, he pressed a soft kiss to your hairline, expressing his love and commitment without the need for words.

Your heart swelled with love, the connection through your bond overflowing with overwhelming warmth. The excess energy and love pulsated between you two, prompting you to contemplate a way to reciprocate the comfort and love to Azriel.

Lifting your head from its resting place on his chest, you stood on your tiptoes and initiated a kiss. Your arms remained cradled by him, your head guiding the motion as you continued to share this affectionate moment with your husband.

Azriel noticed the quickening beat of your heart, your eyes fluttering as the kiss deepened. He knew what you wanted and he couldn’t deny you ever. His lucious lips curving into a smile. You did your best to keep eye contact with him but it was difficult given that Azriels eyes had darkened over with lust, pupils expanding as his lids were slightly lowered.

Staring him dead in the eyes you whispered your desires,

“I want you. I want you everywhere. I want your mouth.”

You placed a kiss on his cheek.

“I want your hands.”

You kissed his other cheek.

“ I want you inside me, mate. “

You gave him a final kiss on the lips, sealing your wishes.

Azriel let his eyes flutter shut, struggling to tame his desires. He knew you inside and out, knew exactly what pace and setting you craved in that moment. Bending down to your level, Azriel picked you up, carrying you to the bedroom.

As Azriel carried you to the bedroom, you couldn't resist planting tender kisses along his neck, sucking and biting as you created bruises. The soft touch of your lips added a playful warmth to the moment and you couldn’t help staring up at him. His handsome features captivated you – the straight nose, sharp jaw, and beautiful eyes. He looked as if The Mother Herself had carefully carved him. His long, dark lashes and perfectly shaped brows added an extra layer to the masterpiece that was Azriel.

A possessive pride swelled within you. As you continued trailing kisses along his neck, you couldn't help but revel at the fact that Azriel was undeniably yours. A sense of exclusivity and fierce protectiveness filled your mind, boasting that no one would ever touch him the way you did, no one would ever love him the way you did.

‘Suck on that you blonde bitch’ was all you could smugly think.

Azriel gently placed you in front of the full-length mirror by your bed, positioning himself behind you. With deliberate care, he bent down, pressing kisses to your head, temple, ear, cheek, and finally, lingering on your neck. Each kiss was an expression of affection, creating a trail of shivers along your spine and arms.

His hands slid down to your waist, giving it a firm yet gentle squeeze. The slow, deliberate touch made the moment feel personal and intimate. You make eye contact with your husband through the mirror and slightly nod, giving him permission to continue.

You step back, making him feel your ass through his pants, grinding against him as his hands travel up to your breasts. Azriel lightly squeezes them before moving to play with your stiffened nipples. His moves elicit a gasp from you as you revel at the feeling of him touching you.

You press against him again, this time harder. Azriel hisses as he lightly grab your neck with one hand, focusing his clouded eyes on yours through the mirror.

“Watch it. This is about you, not me, baby.” He unzips your dress, letting it pool around your feet. Instinctively you bring your hands up to cover yourself up, looking away, and realizing that you’re in fact completely stark naked infront of your fully dressed mate.

Azriel is having none of it. He wants you to see how beautiful you are. Wants you to see how your face twist in pleasure. Wants you to notice your little quirks that you otherwise wouldn’t see. He wants you too see the goddess he’s worshipping every day.

“Eyes open, sweetheart. You have to see how beautiful you look.” His hands envelops yours as he lowers your hands, leaving you bare infront of him. You hear rustling behind you and feel a sudden warmth pressing against your back. Opening your eyes, you see Azriel undressed with his warm chest pressed against your back. He looked massive, wings splayed proudly behind him, big arms flexing as he leaned down. His lips pressed against your ear, and the hot breath sent shivers down your spine.

“You’re my perfect girl. Look at you, all nice and ready for me. Now, imagine I see this everyday, imagine you laying under me, taking me like a good girl. That’s what you are right, a good girl?”

You nod absentmindedly as your mind goes blank. You just wanna make him proud of you, just wanna please him. “Uh-huh ‘m your good girl, Azzie.”

He flashes you a smirk, hands traveling further down as he teases your clit before pushing in his finger. You let out a sound of pleasure as your head slumps back into his chest, his massive hand wrapping around your throat. In and out his fingers go as your pleasure rises, blood heating at the thought of him fucking you on the bed later. Your breathing unevens when he twists his fingers and presses his thumb on your clit, rubbing circles as he pushes in another finger.

Your eyes cross in delight when he curls his fingers and hits that spot that sends electricity through your body, making you grab onto his built forearm. Azriel whispers promises of nasty scenes, promises of ways he’ll fuck you stupid. He’ll make sure you’ll never think he’d stray away from you. He’d prove himself forever if that’s what it took for the thoughts to leave your head forever.

Not sure what the mood is today, you ask him for permission to come. If you normally did it without asking, he’d edge you. And that was just not something you wanted to happen today so better safe than sorry. But before you gather your pleasured mind and ask him, Azriel beats you to it.

“Cum on me. Let go on my fingers, beautiful. It’s okay baby, you deserve it. Don’t you think? After all, my girl gets what she wants.”

As if his words triggered something in you, he pumps once, twice and you let go as you scream out his name. Azriel keeps fingering you through your high, looking you deep into your eyes as he brings his fingers to his mouth and sucks on them.

“Delicious.”

Your ears ring, and your vision blur as your knees wobble, nearly falling. Azriel swiftly picks you up, planting a reassuring kiss. He praise you, telling you how good you were and how proud he was. You couldn’t think straight, only wanting more of him.

He placed you gently on the bed, preparing to head to the bathroom for a cloth to clean you up, but you halted him with a request.

“Can I repay you Azzie?”

Your eyes sparkled, and your face glowed with a content smile. With a tilted head and a subtle pout, you hoped he would agree to your request. You were quite tired but you so badly wanted to please him back.

He sensed your exhaustion, and originally he was so supposed to keep going but you were half asleep. He changed his plans and shook his head.

“You’re tired, angel. Rest up, I’ll be fine.”

But you kept resisting, urging and pushing that you weren’t that tired. And since Azriel can’t say no to you, he accepts. You let out a small victorious sound and slither down the bed, making room for Azriel as he settled against the headboard. You moved in closer to him, leaning forward and arching your back. You look up at him once for confirmation and continue when he nods.

Without hesitation, Azriel's hands found their way into your hair, stroking your hair softly before skillfully gathering it into a makeshift ponytail. You fall on your forearms, propping yourself up and obediently await for his words of command.

Azriel gently gripped your chin, his thumb grazing your plump bottom lip. In that moment, words were unnecessary; you already understood what he wanted.

“You’re so beautiful like this.” His words makes you blush.

You look away from his intense eyes and lower your gaze, pulling a chuckle from him. “Baby, stop. You’re making me nervous,” you plead, giving him a cheesy smile you kiss his thigh and move on.

Trying to hide your flustered face, you start out slowly, teasing him with kitten licks all over his tip. Azriel’s hands tightened around your hair making you look up at him with a smirk as he grits out,

“Play later.”

You suck on the head, hollowing your cheeks, before slowly taking in more and more, struggling when you feel him hit the back of your throat. Your mind replays the lessons Azriel taught you, prompting you to inhale through your nose.

His head thrown back against the headboard as his mind swirls with pleasure. He lets out groans and hisses of pleasure, his deep voice letting out praises,

“Fuck, that’s it. Such a good girl.”

“You’re doing so good, keep going.”

“My beautiful, beautiful y/n. You should look like this all the time, mouth full of my cock. Wouldn’t that be something?”

Your mates praise makes your eyes gloss over in submission. There was really no better feeling than being praised and loved by him. Your Azriel.

By the way the muscles in his thighs started tensing you knew he was getting close. You suck your cheeks in more and take him deeper, trying to please him as best as possible. 

The room was filled with obscene noises and gags as he hit the back of your throat, bucking his hips.

Pulling away, you use your hand and twist it around his shaft while sucking on the sensitive head. Determined to make him finish, you throw in a few sentences you know will get him there faster.

“you’re so big Azzie, taste delicious too.”

“does my mouth feel good around your cock, az? you wanna cum?”

“let’s see if my pussy feels better, yeah?”

Before you can put him back around your mouth, he grabs your arms and drags you up so that you’re straddling his lap. Without warning he pushes you down on his cock as you let out a loud moan at the stretch.

“You’re right, your pussy does feel better.”

Your hands automatically grab onto his broad shoulders as you grind and bounce on him. You tighten around him as he brings his fingers down to your clit. Looking down on him, you find him smirking, satisfied that he caught you off guard. He knew you didn’t really plan on riding him but you were not fucking complaining.

Quite the opposite actually. You sounded like some deprived whore, moaning and babbling out in pleasure, licking and biting his neck and lips.

Both of you knew you were close. Azriel breathing quickened as you tightened around him.

“Tell me you’re mine.” A soft whimper escapes you as you gaze down at your man. His sweaty hair sticks to his forehead, a rosy blush adorning his cheeks and neck. In his eyes, full of love and affection, as he whispers for the second time today that he's yours forever.

“I’m yours, forever baby, I’m yours.” Azriel chants as he comes, body trembling as you grind on him,soon falling off your high and slumping against his chest.

“I love you so much, honey,” you whispered.

You looked up at him, tears welling up as Azriel held you close, making you feel overwhelmed by the depth of love. The connection between you was an unbreakable thread, weaving through your souls. In his embrace, every touch and shared moment became a testament to the bond you shared. The room faded away as your love for Azriel became an emotional beacon, each tear carrying the weight of countless cherished memories.

Oh, how you loved him.

In the quiet of the moment, Azriel gently wiped away your tears, his eyes reflecting the same depth of emotion.

“I love you too, sweetheart” he whispered, his voice a soothing balm to your overwhelmed heart.

The reassurance in his words melted away the pain, leaving only the warmth of shared love.

[dokidokidraft]

Hanta Sero SFW alphabet!!!

Requested by @kimyoudraft! Sorry it took so long to make them pookie!(I know you wanted normal hcs but I’ve been meaning to try out the fluff alphabet! Let me know if you have anymore characters you want me to do!)

not my template! But user who came up with the idea gave free use, all hcs are mine tho ^_^

A=Activities

What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Sero really likes swimming. He had so much fun at the pool episode, but I think he’s more of a beach guy. Totally likes suntanning, but also loves to splash around with you. He loves reading manga with you, and you guys swap books, seeing who can finish the series first. Massive gossiper as well, you guys could talk about other people for hours.

B=Beauty

What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

He really loves your hands. He’s always holding them, or sometimes gives little hand kisses that make your heart flutter. He also finds your hair super soft and pretty!

C=Comfort

How do they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack, etc.?

He’ll just grab a beanie/hoodie, etc. from his closet and wrap you up in it. He kinda smells like tacos ngl, but it’s comforting nonetheless. He’ll give you hugs from behind while putting his beanie on your head, whispering soft words of encouragement as he holds you tight. Big fan of you stealing his clothes too, so you probably already have one of his shirts on.

D=Dreams

How do they picture their future with their s/o?

He honestly probably doesn’t think about the future. He’s a very ‘go with the flow’ kinda guy and couldn’t care less, but if he had to think about it, his favourite dream would be you guys in a small apartment, near his hero agency. I think he’d like 2 or 3 kids, just to spoil. Pretty basic guy tbh.

E=Equal

Are they the dominant one in the relationship or rather passive?

Like I said, he’s a chill guy. He couldn’t care less. But Sero probably leans more onto the dominant side, considering his personality.

F=Fight

Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

I honestly don’t think he gets into arguments a bunch, and if he does they’re playful. But for the sake of this scenario, he probably doesn’t yell a bunch. Definitely will give you the silent treatment, but is pretty easy to forgive. If you’re in the wrong though, you better assume he isn’t backing down. He’s usually always right unfortunately so if you guys do (somehow) argue he’s serious.

G=Gratitude

How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Sometimes he forgets just how much you do for him, so he often takes you for granted, but the time when he does recognize your kindness/love he is all over you (but in a chill way). “Awww mi amor, is this all for me?” ( >_<)

H=Honesty

Do they have any secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

He’s a very open person, but he also doesn’t talk about things that he doesn’t find important. If it isn’t of interest to him, he’s not opening up unless asked to. Other than that, no secrets kept from the 2 of you!

I=Inspiration

Did their s/o change them somehow or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

He’s pretty happy with the way he is, but if you don’t like it he’ll try (a tiny bit) to change. With you he has become a lot more observant, learning to read emotions. He also got you into skateboarding. Sero loves to take you on skating dates, happy it’s a hobby you now both share, and one of the many ways he shows he cares.

J=Jealousy

Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Like I have said, he’s very chill. Doesn’t really get jealous easily, but he’s pretty protective. He’ll always be giving little kisses to you so everyone else knows you’re taken. If someone is still doing things to make him jealous though, he’ll stay by your side the whole time, holding your hand and being as lovey-dovey with you as possible around the guy, in hopes he’ll back off.

K=Kiss

Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss with their s/o like?

He is an A M A Z I N G kisser. He likes things slow and intimate, and doesn’t usually rush things. Lots of subtle touches, like foreplay into making out (?). Likes making out with you laying on top of him, lying in his hammock. Gives you little pecks on the top of your head leading up to full-on kisses.

L=Love confession

How do they confess to their s/o?

Definitely something cheesy, but didn’t want to make it too public. Probably a corny note if you guys were already friends before. But he’s def the kind of guy to just find a random girl (his current s/o) pretty, and ask them out immediately.

M=Marriage

Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

He definitely wants to get married eventually, but he’s not the type of guy to be planning it out within the first year of your relationship, he likes to take things slow. Unlike his confession, he’ll want to have the proposal be public (if you’re comfortable with it ofc). Probably one of those stereotypical proposals, with you two on a date at a fancy restaurant. As for after the marriage, he is a pro hero so he doesn’t have a ton of free time, but still tries. He loves coming home to you (or you coming home to him, depending on work schedules), he just likes that first moment when your eyes light up. Your shared apartment is an absolute mess though.

N=Nicknames

What do they call their s/o?

Spanish nicknames <3: Mi amor (My love) , Mi reina (My queen), Princesa (princess). (and a bunch of others that I can’t think of right now ;-;)

O=On cloud nine

What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

It’s pretty obvious, he always has you around and is so affectionate in public. Lots of kisses and hugs. Denki often teases him about it, to which he gets even more displays of affection from you two, just to make Denki uncomfortable. But please, Sero is the type of guy to be absolutely smitten, and it shows.

P=PDA

Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag about their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss, etc. while others are watching?

Like I said, he loves to show you off. Often will make you wear his clothes when you go out, just so he can brag to people. Not a big bragger, but will do it just to piss off the others. Not shy at all either, will literally have a full on make out session with you in the middle of a public place. Overall, tons of PDA

Q=Quirk

Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship

He’s a hopeless romantic. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Sero is absolutely smitten. That means sometimes he’ll follow you around like a lost puppy, and sometimes he’ll make you chase him around, a total tease is what he is. So, rip to your self control because he’s making you do most of the work. If you want a kiss he’ll kiss your cheek, denying you what you really want, just to hear you whine and complain about it later. Biggest tease in the world.

R=Romance

How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

He’s super stereotypical. The big dinner dates, the late night walks in the park, he just gets all his ideas from movies. He’ll never wear a suit though unless it’s necessary, he’ll be in his button up and khakis with his favourite beanie (if you don’t have it on already). As for making you happy, he’ll just always be around you. He’s such a lovesick little bean, and is always fighting for your attention, making you feel loved.

S=Support

Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe them?

He’s honestly just along for the ride. He totally believes in you and supports you, but don’t expect him to be a big cheerleader either. If you want him to be more forward with his support, he will, but he believes that just him being there for you shows a lot (which it does) so overall, not the biggest publicly open supporter, but he loves to help you with your goals and beliefs.

T=Thrill

Do they need to try new things to spice up your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Sero likes to just do whatever you want, if that means going on a random road trip all the to Tokyo, so be it. Just need to make sure he has enough time. Or that could also mean just lazing around in bed all day, he doesn’t mind. The sense of thrill is nice to him, so he’ll probably suggest something every once in awhile, but other than that it’s completely up to you ^_^)

U=Understanding

How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

He doesn’t really make a point to know everything about you, he lets you choose the pace, or if you even tell him anything at all. He wasn’t very empathetic when you first met, but he’s grown to try to read the room a bit better. Sero isn’t really good at dealing with any mood swings, but he will try to understand where you’re coming from.

V=Value

How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth compared to other things in their life?

Having his priorities straight is not something he would have. He doesn’t like comparing things, and value isn’t an important factor in the relationship in his opinion. But if he had to choose, you probably came before anything else. Second only to maybe his mother (depend how while their mother-son relationship is, idk his backstory).

W=Wildcard

A random fluff headcanon.

Likes tying you to the bed with his tape (not in that way get your mind outta the gutter) and tickling you to death, until your squirming and giggling and begging him to ‘cut it out!’ Eventually he’ll let you go and join you in the fit of giggles, before pulling you closer, trapping you. You won’t be able to leave now. Oh well (ǑwǑ)

X=XOXO

Are they affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddles?

Like I have said many times, he’s a hopeless romantic. Prefers kisses more than hugs though, your lips are the best in his opinion. SUPER affectionate. Like, he always needs to be touching you. Cuddles are 100% his favourite pastime btw, so expect a lot of them

Y=Yearning

How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

He is a clingy boi, but he’s honestly fine without you for the most part. He’ll just do his normal routine, with a slight nagging in the back of his head. He hates when you go away for long missions for work (this is assuming you’re also a pro hero, if that’s not ur plan for it then ignore this part). His hero missions are usually short, he hates being away from home, but yours take forever, he thinks you should relax more. He’s just concerned for you in general, and he obviously misses you whenever you’re away, but he doesn’t necessarily ‘yearn’ for you.

Z=Zeal

Are they willing to go great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

He would do (almost) anything for you, but he’s not as showy about it. Not one of those “you’re my everything” kind of guys, but more of a “you’re okay ig” but he really thinks you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him. He probably wouldn’t quit his job though, considering how hard he worked for it. Other than that, Sero doesn’t care about other things that much.

and that’s that! I really hope you enjoyed. And I’m sorry this request took me so long to do T-T

[hausofmamadas]

TO THE SMASH N GRAB CREW | RIP to the homies and this Cece x Kenny meet cute

⁂

Pairing: Cecelia “Cece” Garza x Kenny and The Smash-And-Grab Crew gif dump

For @narcosfandomdiscord NarcOctober - Day 16

Prompt: Day of Surprises - create a fanwork that focuses on dreams, literal or metaphorical

Okay so, you guys, I have no idea if this even works for the prompt dreams, bc it’s not really a dream one of the characters is having but rather, a dream of mine, and specifically a dream of whatever this was or could’ve been???? That we were categorically deprived of thanks to the Narcos’ writers’ tendency to just drop narrative grenades lil hints of things and then never pick them back up again.

So idk if yall remember that one time Operation Leyenda actually didn’t entirely fuck some shit up but there was One Time n I’m lowkey convinced it was thanks to the involvement of some estrogen no one will convince me that GOAT Secretary Susie wasn’t the strength of Jaime and Kiki’s operation, mmkay in the form of this baddie, named Cece aka Danilo’s way-too-foxy cousin.

What exactly did this bonafide mothafucking G short for goddess do that made the mission so successful? Idk, maybe just being the sassiest, most could-not-be-fucking-bothered, beyond not-having-any-of-your-shit to political scumbag and all around general skidmark, Ruben Zuno Árce okay we don’t even have time to get into how legitimately want to light this man on fire whilst painting💅🏽her💅🏽fucking💅🏽nails💅🏽 I MEANSJSHWH it truly doesn’t get better than this

I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE SATISFIED WATCHING TBIS FUCKINFSKWJHW W SHOW except that one time Barrón broke my brain by spending the whole time being some random and then very sudddnly stealing the whole gotdamn show out of nowhere in ten mins but shhhhhhsjshshs we’re not talking about that right now like they fucking did it. They got this bitch on US soil, homie was shitting in his skivvies right there on the runway also ngl I’m convinced that Walt dressing respectably in that torturously sexy red shirt was another crucial key to the success of this plan but it was mostly Cece

Okay okay okay so then after the plan goes down like gang busters, they all meet up for lunch and we get this random little exchange between enemies-to-lovers Danilo and Kenny before Kenny cried weeweewee all the way back home to the US bc he could not handle big swinging dick Calderoni and like tbh, fair where Danilo makes a point to introduce Kenny to his cousin, The Real MVP Cece, who, like the rest of the women on this show is infuriatingly hot and stunning bc they cannot for just one moment pipe down with that shit

Almost as though he’s like been, on the low, talking to Cece about Kenny and promised to introduce them as like!???????? A blind date or somethinggghdhe like some kind of setup!??????

And it’s not like Danilo does this and Kenny’s like uhhhhhh, ‘scuse me, tf? Kenny’s literally justlikesjejsjwjsusuebehsh like, okay check this shit, look at Kenny’s fucjinfjdjsd face in that gif, like if he were wearing a suit or a tux, mans would be straightening his little bow tie, all checking himself in the mirror, picking at his teeth, breathing into the palm of his hand, asking bestie Daryl, heygorl, be honest, does this silk cravat make my neck look fat? To which Daryl is like, sorry, what the actual fuck is a silk cravat? Also idk when this became Victorian England where ppl wear silk cravats and it kinda seems like it’s setting that shit up to go somewhere except all we get is what?

A BIG. FAT. NOTHING. BURGERRRRRJDJDJHE

We literally NEVER FUCKING SEE Cece again and Kenny cries weeweewee all the way home in like the next episode, and the rest of the team gets mowed down on another airport tarmac, except sweet bby angels Sal

And Daryl and Walt but as much as I love him, he’s far too much of a glutton for punishment to be considered a sweet bby angel

I mean if blue balls existed, this show would be The Fucking King Kahuna of Blue Ballers. Why??????? I MEAN LOOK AT TBJS WOMANNNNNNNNNN OKAY????????

And as if we weren’t suffering from our blue balls enough already, the show literally pushes us to the ground and pummels us in the metaphorical dick with titanium baseball bats yes more than one by giving us this👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽one and only moment of joy, this👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽 👇🏽 one single, solitary victory

…….

…………….

………………………..

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand then they went ahead and straight-up just Game-of-Thrones-Red-Wedding massacred like seventy five percent of the motherfucking cast by like episode 9

Coolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoolcoool. Fine.

═

For the giiiiiiiifs: @narcosfandomdiscord @ashlingnarcos @drabbles-mc @narcolini @artemiseamoon

[fanficfish]

TTTE Ranch AU: Peter Sam

Main Post

i finished writing the Gordon-Scott chapter so time for my favorites: the Skarloey Railroad mining quarry corp Lodge group!

I won't spoil the chapter (read; i don't even know where it's going yet lol) but Peter Sam is definitely one of those bookworm kids who would legit rather sit at the front desk all day so he can read a book. He does love giving guided tours though, and when visitors want a bit more then a hike he'll take them to various historically significant places around the lodge and down to the NWR, swinging by Culdee Fell and Ulfstead Castle if they catch Gordon's Express.

He and Sir Handel are also very close despite being near polar opposites. Best not to mess with one lest you face the wraith of the other!

I reckon they're around 16, old enough they're mostly trusted on their own but young enough they've still got plenty to learn about the world.

For a while they got sent to the foster system, and it was by sheer luck they managed to get out. That was their darkest time (especially since Duke wasn't there) and they really don't like talking about it. Peter Sam might, if the mood is jsut right and he's feeling the vibe, though. Maybe. A starlit night, if you're close enough friends, etc.

He and Sir Handel are the good-angel-bad-angel when new workers come to the lodge. They can't help it it's their nature, especially when the lodge takes in people their age like Rusty and Ivan Hugh. Luke escapes solely because even Sir Handel can't bring himself to be mean to the guy.

speaking of which, Sir Handel is the only one allowed to bully Peter Sam. In turn, Peter Sam has been finding new ways to trick Sir Handel into listening to him talk about the plots of various books. "The Odyssey" was "a story I heard from Salty down at the docks when I brought those visitors from Normandy last week", "Jane Eyre" was "the backstory of one of the guests", "A Wrinkle in Time" was a "very weird dream I had" told in parts....as of yet, Sir Handel hasn't figured it out.

Peter Sam once got into some trouble with Henry, who'd gained a mischievous streak and joked he wouldn't wait for Peter Sam to come down the hill with the pastries Rusty baked on Fridays. The Refreshment Lady, a local who provides cold homemade drinks at a kiosk near the stop in the town of Crovan's Gate (one of the largest and the town with the biggest hospital), is supposed to come with him as Peter Sam has a wagon that can hold her goods, but he forgot her once while panicking thanks to Henry.

He also once broke his glasses and had to stumble home by seeing through what was definitely not his glasses.

His favorite book is Anne of Green Gables, because she finds a home at the end and she lives with a bunch of hardworking old people just like he does.

piccrew time!

ngl this is the best piccrew maker i've found https://picrew.me/en/image_maker/1342558

[m1dnyt3-w0lf]

Here we go: 🫐🍇💌 ✏️ 📚 💔 ⭐️

Alrighty let's see!

Some place you'd love to visit

Oh boy, I think a good place I'd like to visit would be Japan. It's been a lifelong dream of mine ngl lol

A word your friends would use to describe you

"Kind" I think that's definitely one that I've heard my friends call me

Why did you start this blog?

@symmetricalkazekage and I had been exchanging first and when I couldn't access some of them on Tumblr she said make a page so I said fuck it and did so I can read the first lmao. It was an added bonus to have a place to post my writings

When did you start writing fanfic?

My first one was back when I was 12 (no it will never see the light of day). I've written fanfics ever since lol

How do you come up with the fics you write?

Majority of my first come from one singular idea. Say like "Oh I'd like to write 2 characters dancing in the rain" and make an entire fic leading to that moment. Or I'll come up with a title and it'll zoom from there haha. There's no rhyme or reason to how I come up with my fics I just let the words flow onto the page

Is there a fic you wish you didn't write?

Just one. I've since deleted it tho lol

What is one of your biggest accomplishments? Why is it so important to you?

My writing being well-liked by the kind people on here. I'm very prideful of my writing so knowing people enjoy my writing makes me really happy

Thank you for the asks! These definitely had me thinking lmao

[a-very-fond-farewell]

15 questions, 15 people:

I was tagged by the lovely @lienwyn 💕 hi dear. thank you for the opportunity to overshare 😈🔥 (also, you own a loom?? amazing flex. I’m honestly jealous ahah. and the dog-longing word?? 🥺 heartwarming 😔💕 I feel you on the pain in the back tho, that must have been quite intense for you to have such a reaction. big hugs 💜)

here we go!

-

1. are you named after anyone?

unfortunately yes, but it was a mistake. my parents thought the name was elegant.. little did they know a historical figure had it too ahah

2. when was the last time you cried?

so. weird thing. I cry when I see animals. or when I look at people and go “........ earthlings just like me <3”. or when I think too much about how much I love my people. but spontaneous, SAD crying......? not sure. Ik I’ve been down recently, yeah. but if I start crying it’s the end for me. I end up with a stuffy nose all night, if I do. (my hand recently had me seeing stars tho, ngl)

3. do you have kids?

I’m glad I don’t.

4. do you use sarcasm a lot?

I try not to IRL bc you never know how smart people can be. in the sense that I used to use it when I was younger and people smarter than me called me out for it enough times to make me lose any interest in it. I’m also not really good at knowing when someone is being sarcastic with me, period. so.. yeah. not really. no.

5. what’s the first thing you notice about people?

I’m oblivious. I’m so oblivious I don’t even notice large scars on their faces or the color of their eyes sometimes?? from afar I’m quite proficient at reading people’s mood tho?? like, if they are belligerent or not?? is that a thing?? also I can hear them before I can see them almost all the time. I’m a bat, I can hear everything.

6. what’s your eye color?

green? possibly? I have a colorblind mother who tells me they’re blue tho. but she might be convinced of that only because she sees her own eyes as gray when they are green. so I’m not sure about that. my dad tells me we have the same eye color..........but that’s not true. like. his are blue-blue. mine are not like that at all.

fun fact, I love dark eyes. keep talking, gorgeous, I’m not gonna argue with someone with beautiful big brown eyes.

7. scary movies or happy endings?

I’m a scaredy-cat :( I wish I could watch scary movies tho. that seems so much fun! so imma stick to happy endings for now, yes.

8. any special talents?

I craft? a lot? oh but I want to learn woodcarving *-* that would be so much fun. and I guess I’m semi-proficient in the Dad-Art of “collecting weirdly-shaped objects that will eventually come in handy to slot somewhere when they are needed”. yeah :D

9. where are you born?

in the bog. the foggy countryside. the cul-de-sac. but also. northern italy.

10. what are your hobbies?

felt punching, drawing, writing, nagging people, watching old detective shows, reading, petting cats, telling dogs they are good bois (or good girls!), cleaning cupboards, researching, taking notes, horror vacui, listening to people tell me all about their special interests, naps.

11. do you have any pets?

parents have 2 dorky kitties. I long for a silky anteater or a lobster tho. a fat loaf of a cat to call mine would be nice too one day tho, yes.

12. what sports do you/have you played?

I was pretty good at crab soccer when I was younger. and I liked skiing. ;-; too expensive for me where I lived tho.

13. how tall are you?

166cm (5’5??)

14. favourite subject in school?

Dante :) no but fr, italian literature and english. German was cool too, but now I can’t remember any of it :(

15. dream job?

I’m considering either sheparding or...... are there non-religious monasteries out there? that aren’t sects or cults? tax-free, honest labor? no? just me? ok. no but fr, restoring old furniture or working in a library. but I don’t have the qualifications for either of those unfortunately.

it’s time to open that lobster sanctuary of my dreams then 😤 that will cure me.

-

here we go! thank you for the lovely game! Imma tag......... idt I have 15 peeps to tag. but I’ll tag some, in case they want to join (or simply to snoop around my business, always nice to be seen :) no pressure to play): @goaheadandflysomeplane , @fismoll7secinv , @shhhsoftnwet , @kinslayersadvocate , @sssrha , @thepointlessmasterpiece !

[daisys-reality]

hello there daisy I hope that you are having a gooday so far today & is staying safe

I am giving you this little ask of mine because I wanted to ask of you to see if you could possbily show me in a lovely tarot reading of yours when & how I will enter the void state

bc I am currently trying to manifest myself to just randomly wake up in the void state & I am ngl I am having quite the trouble manifesting my desired scenario to come to fruition within the 3d

I just really want to enter it already & manifest my dream life & than after that just respawn to my wr & forever leave this disgusting universe

I am kinda getting sick & tired of dealing with these struggles rn & I would really prefer if I didn't have to deal with them at all

like the struggles that I am currently dealing with atm is just lack of trust, belief, faith, fear & doubts ect

I have many more problems that I'm dealing with that's just a few of them that I have pointed out

its just making things way more harder for me than it needs to be & I hate that so sm

i just wanna get things over with & just completely end my suffering

but I can't do that if I am dealing with this

so please tell me there is actually something good at the end of the tunnel for me bc I don't want to deal with these problems of mine anymore

also if you can you please add any random messages within the reading if there are any about me & my void state journey plz & thank you

btw I saw the angel number 1212 while I was making this ask for you

thought that I would tell you

Oh dear... I know its been already some time since I received this asked, so perhaps you already realized your plans. Even if not, I hope you're doing fine.

Regarding your tarot reading request, I will gladly do a reading for you. Perhaps it's not necessary anymore but I'll do it just in case. ^^

Is there something good at the end of the tunnel for you? How and when will you enter the void state? + Advice from beings who love you dearly :

. I see that your health, especially your mental health, will drastically improve. You will gain peace of mind through mental clarity. You will be able to give yourself the guidance you so desperately seek. You will set boundaries for yourself about what you allow to reach you. You decide what you believe and what doesn't serve you. You will be strict about it and it will keep you on your throne, unbothered and confident. You will be the sole ruler of your earthly experience.

. To be honest, I don't think you will necessarily enter 'the void state'. I feel like there is something else you will do.

. If your first reaction while reading this was to get extremely worried, don't. There is no need to worry. This message is coming in strongly. Someone is trying to assure you about that. What you need to do is to release the parts of your past that feel like heavy baggage that you still keep carrying. Your mind desperately needs release. That's where all the worries and confusion and desperation is stemming from. Forgive your past self and accept what lies in the past to move on to a new life free from (emotional) burdens.

. This might be a bit random but I had this vision of a girl who has a little bird who is still learning to fly but is seemingly too scared to try. The girl is stuck in a life threatening situation and only the bird can help her out but only if it flies. She doesn't want to let the bird know about here worries because she doesn't want to unnecessarily pressure the little one more than it already does itself. So, instead the girl tries to be strong and patient and puts on a smile despite her burdens; she gives the bird all the love and assurance that it needs so that it becomes stronger and stronger, day by day. Nurtured by this love and trust the bird starts believing in itself, feeling assured enough to leave its comfort space and successfully tries to fly. "Finally", the girl thinks while tears of joy and relief stream down her face. The girl has put her trust in the bird and kept going no matter how long it would take, no matter how dark her current situation was. In the end, the girl was so glad she did. Nothing could ever compare to the joy she felt in that moment. Finally freedom.

. You are the girl and the bird is your inner self. Learn to trust yourself and give yourself the love and time to be able to freely "to try to fly" regardless of fears and doubts. Pressure won't do you good, it will only paralyse you. Take care of yourself as you would with a baby bird. 🧡🌷

. Also, there is strong emphasis on how you have to choose your connections wisely. Only spend time with people that uplift you and bring you joy. Spending happy moments with others and spoiling yourself/fulfilling your needs is a key element in reaching your goal. Things are going in the right direction when you feel like the path you're on is making you happy. If it doesn't, you might have to rethink your decision/path. There are many options for you to be successful. Trust your instinct. You want to be happy, right? Like truly truly happy? Then, I'm sure you know exactly what to do to reach this state of bliss. 🐦🪹☀️

🚫 I DO NOT ACCEPT TAROT READING REQUESTS RIGHT NOW. 🚫

[waitingforwinterwinds]

Sew Long, Fair Well - 01 SANSA (pages 01)

Sansa makes a final sacrifice for her people, and wakes to discover she's made a deal with a god.

-

The years of war, and the sheer number of their combined forces, the sheer appetite of the dragons, everything had put too large an impact in their reserves. Her people were going to starve before the new crops could be grown to harvest, before the animals could breed and mature enough for culling, the glass gardens were still in ruins, and winter still upon them. Spring hadn't magically come sweeping in when Arya had slain the Night King, the Long Night hadn't mystically given way to the spring dawn.

That's actually something I'll be interested to see when we reach it in the books, how the resource situation is, because with the wars, and The War, resources are going to be so low, I have concerns about the post Long Night survival rates.

“Please,” she asked, “if you know of any way to save my people, please tell me how, please help me save my people.” “What are you willing to give up for them?” It was a test, Sansa knew, and thought of rough hands on her skin, thought of all she has lost, and all she had fought for with whatever she could. With words and looks, and favours and lies, with the blood of others and with her own. “The last thing I have left to barter with,” Sansa told him, hoping it was enough, “the last thing I have which is rightly mine to give away.”

“That's-Not-Bran” Theory at play here. I do kinda like that one, just for the fridge horror aspect of it. I also like the “rightly mine to give” mentality when characters deal with eldritch/ancient beings, cause you could give them anything, including the life of another, a thousand other lives, but where's the personal sacrifice in that. (Also it makes you look like an asshole.) This one showing us just where Sansa's priorities lie, it's not just about the building, it's about the people in it

“Down through the crypts, until the tunnel turns into a cave. Down through the cave to the heart of the hot springs, where the waters of Winterfell are born. Until there's nothing left to give.”

You know, I have now read two fics with Sansa Time Travel that feature the hot springs in the tunnels under Winterfell as the medium for said time travel. Two different types of time travel, mind you, but I see any more and it will officially be a pattern.

In her mind, she could see a golden light flowing through Winterfell, spilling out into the surrounding lands. It was like watching a flower slowly blooming. Sansa vaguely felt herself slip completely below the surface of the hot spring, but she didn't care, didn't fight it. She wasn't sure if she was dreaming, or if she was truly witnessing a miracle, but these were her last moments, and Sansa chose hope.

This would have been such a tough ask though, after everything Sansa survived, after everything that didn't kill her, after everything lost and regained, for her to have this presented as the saving move, when she can't even trust the source it came from, like, not really. For all she knows, That's-not-Bran just wants her out of the way so he can take over.

Anyway, the world is much nicer when people choose hope. (Nicer still when hope pays off.)

Sansa?

Yes, that was right, she was Sansa Stark of Winterfell And she was dead. Were the dead allowed to play games?

“I won't tell if you don't.”

ngl, that made me laugh.

Fun? That sounded nice. Sansa missed nice things, like lemon cakes, and her family, and practising her sewing. It had been so long since she'd last embroidered anything... No, that wasn't right, there had been a wolf... for Jon .

🍋=🥛

She was a child. She was a woman grown. She'd never left Winterfell. She'd been to King's Landing and the Eyrie, she'd even visited The Wall. She was in love with the idea of love, and couldn't wait to be a wife and mother. She was jaded, married twice, and revolted by the idea of sharing any man's bed. She was Sansa Stark of Winterfell. She was Sansa Stark of Winterfell. A summer child. She'd seen the Long Night. She'd died for her people and now she was either in heaven, or she'd had a second wish granted. She was home, and safe, and she had a chance to fix everything.

I feel like I don't see it enough in fanfics, but I do enjoy the use of formatting as a storytelling aid. Like this section, how the two versions of Sansa are put on opposite sides, and then the center alignment to show that the two versions were separate have melded into one being. (tumblr doesn't like left center right alignments, so I've indented the right aligns.)

People format their fics in different ways and some of them are good, and some of them are one paragraph of 8,000 words. This fic has a lot of 1-2 sentence paragraphs. I know one author, different fandom, and I love their premises, but my gosh, there's an epidemic of people who have never heard of “new speaker, new line,” and they are one of them.

GRRM doesn't always start a new paragraph whenever someone new starts talking, and sometimes he'll let someone start talking at the end of a paragraph, but he never really has two or more people speaking in the same paragraph, where readers get confused because you start reading the second voice assuming it's the first. Sometimes he has the speech tag before the spoken line, instead of after, he actually does a really good job of keeping an easy to read flow with conversations and he has a good balance with the speech tags themselves.

...Sansa just accidentally Blood Magicked the mystery Embroidery Hoop. In her defense, as someone who has dabbled with embroidery, can confirm: those needles are freaking sharp. Fiber arts are hardcore, I have such mad respect for anyone who can do them.

The Hoop was on the ground before her. Sansa looked back at her table, where the hoop was not. She picked it up again, and put it back on the table. She turned to dress, and the hoop was back on the ground before her. Huffing, Sansa picked it up again. This time when she put it on her table she said, partly pleading, “at least let me get dressed before I deal with you.” She stepped back, eyes on the hoop. It stayed where it was. … In all honesty, if Sansa hadn't been through what she'd just been through, she would have been freaking out over the hoop far more.

Good of her to acknowledge that she's either having a mild disassociation, or has been struck by the blasé attitude stick a few too many times. Look, don't get me wrong, “nothing can phase me” is a fine personality type for a girl to have, but when all the only -female-characters have it, it starts to grate. Like how “snarky, sarcastic, he'd be an asshole if he weren't so cute, clever, and charismatic” became default male protagonist personality for a while th- … actually I think they're still doing that one.

...../              HELP               \ .../   I've made a deal with   \ /an Ancient God, and now I \ |     don't know what to do!     | .\  (Slide finger from right to / ...\       left to turn to next    / .....\              page)              /

'Oh,' Sansa thought, feeling a little faint, 'so that was real.'

Apparently. Don't worry, I hate when that happens to me too. (Also I shudder to think how long it took to do the console format every time.)

-

So I actually had the message box open and was going to fire off a message to see if @redwolf17 would be cool if I did The Weirwood Queen for this, but then I thought “if my review curse* triggers, I will be devastated, everyone will be devastated!” So I picked one that's been on permanent hiatus for... three and half years? Oh wow, I didn't think it had been that long. Time is an illusion.

Anyway, I have author permission, and I'm even allowed to be as mean as I want. Oh, the evil that could unleash >:3c (I've fiddled with the formatting slightly, just because the layout in the og is very... laid out.) This fic is also more GoT than ASoIaF, sorry, but I poorly worded the fic option in the poll and no one gave me recs.

*I have this unfortunate curse where if I review a fic that's still in progress, something happens and the author drops the fic like 86% of the time. It's not because I'm mean or anything, I don't go for the writing jugular, it just. happens.

Happy April Everyone!!!

[missmonsters2]

Love your analysis 😌

But ngl, i was one of the people not wanting R to get back with Wanda because Wanda always had that support y'know? Like she has someone by her side and R only has one friend and, I feel like it's .. not wrong for R to depend on Wanda?

But I also feel that Wanda was just waiting for someone to help her move on with her grief.

I also feel that if, if R never had that accident then the two of them would break up. Since Wanda was always going to move on at some point, with or without R.

That's a fair feeling to have. These are more of my thoughts:

I think for me, there's a line between depending on someone vs putting them up on a pedestal. It's entirely unfair to put someone you're dating up on a pedestal because you're actually doing more damage than admiring.

For me, you cannot be someone's everything without it ending in suffering. I don't want to be someone's everything and I don't want someone to be my everything. Tying your entire self-worth to someone else is unfair to you and them.

Putting someone on a pedestal means you just seem them as a fantasy, you don't see them for who they truly are and their struggles and their hopes and dreams for anything different. Reader basically keeps thinking, "she's broken and she's perfect. She's broken and that means she can be mine. If she heals, then where does leave me? If she's not broken, then I'm worthless to her." Utimately, reader is lowkey praying for Wanda to never heal because Reader thinks she will never heal herself.

I peresonally don't think it's wrong of Wanda to have other support systems around her. I think it was more wrong that Wanda was too scared to voice what she was feeling to her girlfriend out of fear and went distant instead. It's fair that she has someone helping her with her grief because reader was not going to be that person. Reader in part 1 doesn't seek out extra support systems because she was content to be where she was, as long as Wanda was right down there with her.

In part 2, you see that reader is forced to have more people around her to depend on. She has her therapist and Lucy, at the very least.

This really just means to say that reader was just as awful for Wanda as Wanda was for her, but since I didn't write it from Wanda's perspective, we have less empathy for her.

It's 100% likely that even without the accident, they were gong to split up. But it would've been at Nat's pushing at Wanda that she needed to have that talk with reader. It would've been Wanda asking they take time apart and they both see a therapist and reader wouldn't have taken kindly to it. It would've been a rough break-up but I still believe that reader would've eventually gone to see a therapist and lived her own life before meeting up with Wanda again in the future. And wanda would've loved her the entire time.

[trainingthots]

Punishment

NGL, baby, there is a part of my brain that is in active rebellion right now.

**"NO."** it says. *"This cannot be. This universe does* **not** *work this way."*

I try to tell it, but… you know… it just keeps piping up.

And, I mean… it has a point, donchu think?

I mean, look, babe. I've already known for *years* that you were **perfect** for me in all the important ways.

All the ways that mean we could build a life together, be happy and satisfied. That we could have fun together, laugh together, grow old together — gracefully, in your case… maybe a bit less so, in mine…

But we can be *happy*. **Together.**

And now *this*.

***This. Of all things.***

Could it *really* be?

Is it *even remotely possible*?

Could you really and truly be *precisely* the partner I want…

*In bed, too?*

Could your preferences and interests and fantasies and dreams *truly* align so *perfectly* with mine?

Do you *really* mean to tell me that the things I most want to do to you are things that you aren't only *okay with*, but that you *want*?

That you **crave**?

**Fuck. Me.**

And, shit. You know I'm busy as hell, you know I've got a fast-looming deadline, and right in the midst of that, like the *crazy-making person you flat-out said you were*…

Did you *really* just reveal that you **wanted** to enact the one fantasy that I've kept to myself for *decades*? The fantasy I have *never* felt safe enough to talk about with… *anyone*?

And again. Not just *okay* with it. Not just *"Oh, I'll do that if you* **really** *want me to."*

But *"I want to do this thing. With you.* **To you.***"*

Seriously, tho.

Fuck me.

Fuck. Me. *Now.* **Please.**

I'm just sayin'… One man's punishment is another man's reward.

(though, once we've laid out the ground rules, I should *very much* like to talk to you about that other thing… the thing that *I* want to do to *you*. Because, let's be honest, in the hierarchy of my desires, I couldn't possibly explain it, but that is **way** further up there than you might already think…)

And I'm *sure* I'm revealing too much, but babydoll… uh, it wouldn't be the first time. Oh, first time with more than one person in the room, for sure, but not the first time. Not by a long shot. And *definitely* not the first time with *you* in my eyes…

But, hey. I get your frustration.

The other night could have been *the night*, couldn't it have?

So rare, for both of us… I mean, I think you know as well as I do why it didn't happen, though I am sorry I didn't at least send you some silly thing on Facebook.

*sigh.*

Well. We have the entire future ahead of us, babe.

I know how you be. I get that you're switching things around a bit. Yeah, I see you. I'm not saying I'll make it *easy* for you, but…

If you ever *do* want to take out your frustration on me…

Well, I've got one or two ideas for some, uh, *additions* to that scenario.

I don’t mean to be *cagey* about it, of course.

It's just… the situation, ya know.

But, well. We can talk about *that* later.

Ta-ta!

The universe does work this way. You have always known what it was that i wanted from you, and you never trusted me enough to let it happen. I told you once that i would not settle for anything but complete and total submission. Nothing short of that was all that interesting to me. When we look at the kink and Sado maso psychology there is an interesting thing about the sexual idealogy that goes along with having fully developed and realized sexual nature. Plenty of people like to play with the act of submission, domination and other specialized sexual realities. They play at being christian grey, a little spanking here and there... Maybe some handcuffs. All very safe and good for the exploring Anastasia, looking to push her vanilla envelope. Then there is the other side of kink. The people who have come to terms with the fact that without the very specific needs being fulfilled, the experience of sex falls way short. Yes sex is like pizza, but who the fuck wants to eat totinos. I had enough sex, with enough women to learn the exquisite pleasure that comes with having your kink fulfilled. Where who you are doing something with matters just as much as the thing you are doing. A true submissive gets the most sexual pleasure out of the act of being controlled and fulfilling the needed act of giving that submission to someone they can trust implicitly to give them the appropriate scenarios and acts that will deliver them the feeling they truly crave. When sex becomes about so much more than orgasm, when it becomes an orgasm of the mind that lasts for the entirety of the time spent in the scene. When i talk about my desires for domination, humiliation, degredation, punishing all of these things require a very specific partner that can not be substituted with anything less than ideal. When i say i want to not settle for anything less, that means i am looking for someone who would be impossible to cheat on because only you, my person can fill the role i need. I will not settle for something less. So this is why i don't let go. Your specific And singular nature crafted by experience and trauma which allows a puzzle piece connection for complete sexual gratofication. That is what i am looking for and that is why i do not want to let the person i love go. The simple fact that no one, i mean no one else will do. Why fuck with pennies when you have had a dime.

[blackvail22]

9/22/23 — 1:20am

i hate wanting to be productive in the middle of the night. i was tired all day tdy, and now i just want to do something productive. no!!! i work earlier than usual tomorrow!!!!

im doing my skincare now... i wore makeup tdy so i have no choice but to do it 🤯

im tired still but i dont want to sleep. i feel like i havent been productive enough tdy even though i went to 3 different appointments and within the 2 hours before work i cleaned my bathroom sink (that was incredibly disgusting, i am not exaggerating. no one has cleaned it in like a little over a year. my dad shaves his face there whenever it gets like 5 inches long and doesnt clean the hair out of the sink/on the counter. its gross.), made ramen (it wasnt v good).... at work i walked around almost the whole 6 hours. my feet hurt so!! bad!! after i work. it happens every time. it doesnt help that when i fell down my stairs, my "sprained" foot didnt heal properly. i also hurt my hand at work and have not seen a doctor .... im ngl im like a mess and if i tell anyone abt this theyll tell me its because im fat and need to lose weight WE GET IT. I KNOW. IM TRYING, AND JUST BECAUSE I AM DOESNT MEAN THAT I CANT HAVE SMTH WRONG WITH ME?????

anyways

im tired. like mentally and physically. i had counseling tdy and i told her everything and the time still wasnt full. she shared some things abt her life recently... still didnt fill the time. she didnt respond much at all, but she's grieving, so i understand

im not telling anyone except u and my digital diary about my situation with my ex... i need to stop complaining to people abt him and making it everyones problem when its really my fault i keep letting him back in my life. its bad! ive literally had dreams where he did that *thing* but like in an extremely worse way, and i told myself that i just had to live with it, that i have to get used to it. and, i mean, i guess i do... if i can *** ***** then he can do whatever.

im not even with him... just flirting heavily. he picks up on it, i think so, anyway....

im tired

i saw that u updated ur music playlist you sent to me recently ! so heres a song for u in return

2:51am

idk why it pisses me off so bad but when b says shes ugly it makes me so angry. "why cant i be like the pretty girls?" she is the definition of a pretty girl... she may not see it because people were mean to her growing up but its like... ive cried SO much because of how pretty she is. my parents call her the pretty girl, people at school say shes pretty all the time... it just makes me so upset that someone as pretty as her cant see it. and i wish she could, honestly.

and i hate that this makes me so angry. i have so much envy that it rips me apart every second of the day, and i hate it!!!!! im the fat, ugly friend, and i always felt bad for her being friends with me. she says that im one of the prettiest ppl she knows.... if that were true, would she have deleted all the photos of me off of her phone? who knows. and the fact that people compliment her all the time at school and in public should say A LOT about how pretty she is. it happens all the time! and i mean all the time. maybe she doesnt think it was genuine or she forgets? idk... i think the last time a stranger complimented my appearance was a year and a half ago at a taco bell drive thru. the last time i was called pretty (besides when my mom says it) was at leastt 6 months ago. im like distraught because she is literally so beautiful fuck

this is going to make me cry myself to sleep because i cant say any of this to her because this is really just unhealthy of me, like the envy and making me seem like the victim. it just makes me so upset that everyone thinks shes pretty but herself

yeah im def crying myself to sleep gn i work in 11hrs which sounds like a long time from now but i havent slept yet lol

3:16am

ok i lied i messaged her and said "i saw you commented "i wish i was one of the pretty girls" on a tiktok, and i really need you to know that you are the pretty girl. youre so incredibly beautiful not only on the outside but the inside too... it can be rare to find someone like that. i hope youre able to see yourself through my eyes someday and see yourself for what you truly are—beautiful"

i hope it doesnt come off weird

ok i cried and messaged her i should rlly just sleep now

[usersasaki]

So like I said in the last ask- I was reading through my inbox because one of my new moots sent me an ask and I figure why no go through memory lane(.. is that how you say and use it.. ? Idk-)

So i scrolled through my asks.. which usually consists of people saying thank you and sweet stuff so like those were fun~ then I got to your ask (which was literally my VERY FIRST.. i think? Ask!) And I just re-read it again feeling the feels, legit started asking "man, Hey Lord, I miss Karma so much- I wonder how they are-"

And I had a thought of checking your moot's (byeol's) acc.. i dont know- Maybe God gave me the feeling who knows! LOL- but I did and I scrolled to when I sent in an ask to your moot about you and I was reading the post and my brain saw the "2 notes" I was like "huh...", clicked it and saw mine and your account... and I dont know why- the feeling inside me the Intuition, the urge that God gave me man- told me to just "check the acc out— I mean logically it could've been a random account.. but idk the FEELS MAN

So I did and.. I saw both of your names.. ya know 'erez and karma'... maybe it was because I was coping so hard that my brain immediately go "....karma..?"... Thinking about it now anyone also could've used the same name 😩 but I was like "No way.... im- im not- This isnt a dream... Lord tell me this is real"

And then BAM sent in an ask as Anon and then when you answered I just go 'oh screw all my worries- fastest way to know if this is karma is show my self.... i mean the worst thing that could happen is... I embarrass myself... yeah.." and THEN YEAH I SENT ASK AGAIN...

(this whole situation is just funny to me because your moot (byeol) said in the tags that 'Im hopeful that both your paths will cross again' or something like that... when I first read that i was like.. 'well.. I hope' and then it became 'I doubt.. but still would be nice but if not then.. its okay too! Just hope karma's doin good' and now... Here we are :D)

so basically keeping the ask safe in my inbox was a good idea... (I was praying and hoping that I'll be able to meet you again- guess that was God's plan LOL)

i'll put my answer under the cut (and also so sorry for not replying for abt a month i think? got really busy with uni ;;)

ok kei sweetie, you have no idea how much i teared up reading this ask, i had to take multiple deep breaths cuz?? it's so sweet?? and we got reunited again 🥹🥹 ngl i would occasionally go to your acc to like stalk a lil (not in a creepy way) and see if you'd answered my ask but you hadn't so i half thought you didn't get my ask at all? if you had answered i was gonna be sending you like lil anon msgs so that we could keep in touch but cuz i didn't know if you even got the first one,, yeah DCFNJDSDCFM either way i'm so glad to get to talk to you again 🥹🥹🥹🥹

HFBREJDNFC NOT THE PLAYLIST OMGGGG I'M SO. god i do not deserve this, you are so sweet and for what.

[in-all-ways-always]

8/12/23

Dear Love,

Hi, I hope you’re doing good. I miss you…I miss you every single day, but I’m missing you a lot today. I won’t lie not every single day is easy or a breeze, even though this medication makes me feel good. I have moments throughout my day where I just cry a bit because of how much I miss you. Today is one of those days where I can’t hold back the tears, it’s easier for me to just let them flow. I hope you’re thinking of me, and I hope that you miss me. I wish it were possible for me to get better over night, I hate that it takes time. So much time that I’m losing and missing out on with you, that I’ll never get back.

Do you dream of me? I dream about you every single night. It’s the only time I get to see you. I’d sleep all day and all night if that was my only way to see you. I saw you on Tuesday, you don’t know how happy I was. I missed the feeling of your hands holding mine, your arms wrapped around me. The feeling of your skin against mine, running my fingers through your hair, your scent. And your kiss, god how I missed the feeling of your lips pressing against mine. And that face, your face that I love and adore beyond anything. You’re just as handsome as when I last saw you.

You seemed like you were troubled, maybe by me, something I had done? Maybe you can’t move past what happened? I couldn’t help but partly feel like you weren’t happy to be around me, but you were squeezing me so tight and breathing me in. That alone showed me that you had to have been missing me. I wonder is this as hard for you to be away from me, as it is for me to be away from you?

I’m happy your dad won his election, I knew he would win. Glad it was also by a bigger number of votes this time compared to last time. Also happy that your dad finally got rid of “her”. I know no doubt that’s something you are happy and relieved about. No more having to hide food or anything else, or worrying about things going missing. Sucks Frankie won’t be there anymore, maybe he’ll come back after a short while.

Your shows coming up, when I asked you about it, you didn’t seem excited about it. I get that it’s stressful, I hope it turns out good. I also know that you’ll do good, you always do. Just like that Halloween show where you were dying from a high fever, you pulled through and did amazing.

Thank you for allowing me to have you, and you me, when I saw you. I know you were worried it would set me back. I thank you for trusting me when I assured you everything would be fine. Of course I didn’t want it to end nor did I want to leave, but I knew that it’s not our time to jump back into where we left off. As badly as I want to call you and say “baby I’m ready! Let’s do this again!” I know that I’m not, there are things that I see you post in your stories (the NGL things) and it triggers me. I don’t react the way I would normally. Although I did message you about the one, because that one threw me off. And I’m sorry again about that, I just was not expecting it. The whole meaning of the song and everything, it really felt like it was directed towards me. And even though you said it wasn’t, maybe it was. Idk. There are other things that trigger me, and like I said I haven’t reacted how I normally would, and I actually don’t dwell on it so deeply like I normally do, but it’s all things I need to work on. Not allowing shit to trigger me.

It hurts me when you say that I’ll realize you’re no good for me and that I’ll leave. If you never change and stay in your horrible ways, then yes, I would leave. But I’m not going anywhere, if you feel that you’re no good, then work on it too. I can’t be doing all the work on myself, you need to work on yourself as well. I want that future we talked about, that future I envisioned us having. I hope it’s still what you want, I hope it’s something you’ll work on so we can have that. I hope you love me enough to try. I don’t want this to be in vain or a lesson, I don’t want anymore lessons in life. I just want this to work.

Your birthday is coming up, I really didn’t want to miss it. I know it’s just another day to you, and you say it’s not important. But it’s important to me, it’s a day you were brought into this world. And as fuck up as this world has been to you, it has shown you good things. I don’t think I am one of those good things, but we have shared good many good moments outside of the sexual part. I’m happy you’re here, I’m forever grateful you came into my life, even though shit has been so far from easy for us. We still keep trying to make it work. I’ll always try for you.

I miss you, and I love you forever in all ways, always.

Forever your Mija

[lonelywhalien22]

I'm so excited for D-DAY! Yoongi is my bias-wrecker in BTS LOL and I'm forever in love with his mindset/lyricism. He has a way of writing things straightforward, but still being comforting (versus Namjoon's very poetic and wise writing style). That's my favorite part too!!! I also liked the reference to IU's 'Eight':

I loved this softer side of 'People Pt 2' and how it reflects Yoongi's growth as an artist and a person! Aaaggghh he's just one of those people that you wish a little extra success for, ya know? Idk - he makes me soft! LOL. All the references to past AUGST D and BTS songs (and maybe even IU's 'Love Poem'???) was tastefully done 🤌🤌🤌 I also really loved seeing him harmonize with IU 😍😍😍 they sounded really good together?! To be frank though . . . I don't quite understand the connection between the original 'People' and 'People Pt 2' yet, but I could also just be thinking too much into it (if you know, help a slow-brained friend out? 😅😂).

OMG OMG OMG NCT Dream concert 😭😭😭 if I had more money I would definitely go again HAHAHA. I think I'm still going through post-concert depression LOL because I woke up kind of down and tired today for no reason 😓

My favorite performance was 'Trigger the Fever' and (surprisingly) 'Saturday Drip'!!! Mark did a little bit of 'Golden Hour' as well so that was fun!!! (Thoughts on this solo song too???) NGL, I had a little bit of Renjun tunnel vision, so I only remember him and bits of Haechan/Mark during 'Trigger the Fever' 😭😂 They looked like they were having so much fun and just feeling themselves, it made me so happy! I'm always a little biased towards rap line performances in Kpop LOL because I just like the hyped vibes. I actually don't listen to 'Saturday Drip' all that much, but the NCT Dream rap line did a really good job with performing it!!!

I'm so sorry with how long this is LOL, but it feels like catching up with an old friend after a minute and I do just really like talking music with you hahaha. Are you going to any other concerts this year other than Ed Sheeran? Happy Tuesday 🤗

@twogyuu don't be sorry about the length of your post because mine is disgustingly long as well. like i'm actually deeply sorry for my word vomit:

Wow that’s a fantastic line from the song you shared as well! Love the sandcastle analogy. And omg the way I missed all the IU song refs…like Love Poem is my fave song from her 💀 (is it obvious i don’t speak korean??? lol 🤣). I love songs where you pick up on something new in the lyrics the more you listen to it! And at the ending when he shared he wrote it during covid like ahhhh I really felt that - It’s been so interesting to me as a music listener to hear works by artists that were made during covid/about covid…I just think it’s fascinating and like this little time capsule/archive of a very specific moment in time where we can see all the different emotions that came from that period and how they were expressed in so many different ways.

Also that is literally such a perfect way to differentiate between Namjoon and Yoongi’s lyrical styles - like you took the feelings right out of my brain and worded them perfectly. Yoongi has always been my favorite of the rap line for that reason. And then jhope is one of those rappers who’s like the vibey rapper if that makes sense??? It’s like his stuff always has this groovy flow to it that’s so distinctly him - I like to think it’s because he’s a dancer too but idk lol.

And girl lol we both need help bc idk what Pt. 2 is referring to either 😭 i’m not one of the kpop lore people, even for the groups I really follow, so I’m always in the comments section learning new things too lol. Heck I barely understand why Set Me Free is a Pt. 2😅 ik bts likes referencing their old music a lot in song titles so I’m just blindly used to that now and don’t question it lol (fellow armys help us with the receipts pls bc I’m useless for this sort of thing lol)

Wow just checked out Trigger the Fever - never heard it since it looks like it was on the very first mini album before I really followed them but omg I love it - it's right up my alley and I love the optimistic vibes and the harmonies they hit are just really pretty to me. Saved on Spotify hehe. idk when they performed it but it sounds like it would be perfect towards the end of the concert when they wanna make the fans all emotional and crap as they start to say goodbye 🥺

Saturday drip is such a great concert choice, I bet the crowd went wild. The super hype songs are always my fav during a concert bc everyone goes crazy and shouts out the iconic parts and it's such a good time!!!

Golden hour wasn’t my vibe BUT i did really like the concept and the mv for some reason. Like it was one of those songs where the mv actually made me vibe with the song more than i would have if i just heard it with no visual. That’s actually one of the things i really love abt kpop in particular - the way they build whole concepts and visual narratives around songs and seeing how it all comes together in the mv…it has definitely opened my ears a lot more if that makes sense and there are so many kpop songs that upon a second listen or bc of something in the mv/choreo/etc. i have come to absolutely love. NCT especially always challenges tf outta me. For ref I am a Sticker enthusiast and I still get crap for that lol but what can I say??? NCT is experimental so i’m always surprised by the songs from them that I wind up liking, and golden hour was memorable if nothing else lol

dont feel bad about reaching out to gush about music!!! normally i don't have any other way to let out my feelings besides watching reaction vids or reading social media comments on my own during comebacks so it's great to have someone to chat with stuff about directly! I really wish I could have seen NCT Dream but the date for my closest city just wasn't the best and I already saw NCT 127 a few months ago with their The Link tour. I was like - I saw Mark recently I don't need to see him again for awhile (LIES) 😭 but Haechan was sick at the time so I didn't get to see him then and I really like him and Renjun ahhh!!! Next time!

You asked about other concerts and BRUH. I can't feel too bad abt missing Dream bc I'm still seeing/have seen so much! Everyone's got that one thing they splurge on and for me it's concerts. Back in 2020, my very first concert was gonna be Map of the Soul with BTS and then…well we all know how that story went 😭😭😭I’m still incredibly sad that I never got to see them all together live before the military service so after that and 2 years of lockdown I was like I have to see as many of my fave acts as I can because you never know when this might be an artist’s last tour for whatever reason. Once i could afford it I started going to as many concerts as I could and haven't looked back. There’s just something about experiencing music live with the artists and other fans around you that just gives me a rush idk i love it!!! Besides Ed (saw ur post and you should totally see him if you can make it work money-wise btw hehe. his tickets are some of the most affordable i've EVER purchased in terms of comparable seats at other concerts <3) I'm also seeing TXT in may WHOOP! And then i managed to get beyonce tickets even though my wallet hated me for awhile after that one ngl. I’m seeing her this one time and that IS IT lol. I heard SM said baekhyun and wayv are gonna have tours so if that’s true i’m gonna try getting tickets for those. I would love to see Ten perform live, he’s one of my faves in all of NCT, and then Baekhyun - I just REALLY need to hear his vocals live lol. Like he could just come out on stage, sing Bambi and then leave, and I’d feel like I’d gotten my money’s worth from that alone 🤣 Hoping to see The Boyz again on tour as well now that Eric is back and doing better but they haven’t announced anything rn. Saw them once but the seats were sooooo bad omg…gotta see them again with a better view because their performances and stage presence are phenomenalllll. I found out about them during Kingdom!

Unfortunately no yoongi for me bc the locations were more limited and I knew it would be a bloodbath lol. Also I still haven't recovered from taylor swift (i truly was one of those peeps in the queue for 8+ hours and still did not get tickets 😭😭😭). next time she tours (please please please let there be a next time istg) i've gotta go.

Not that you asked but since I'm on a roll and can’t shut up - I've seen some other groups in the last year and and hands down, without a doubt, the best for me was Ateez. They are my ult group besides BTS and cannot stress enough omg their stage presence is freaking insaneeeeee. Saw them two nights in a row and have literally no regrets. Best two nights of my life. Came back to my place with voice gone after that second night, ate a post concert meal and passed out in my bed. Was on a high for like a week after and I still miss them lol. Will always try and see them when they’re in my area.

Also recently saw SZA and that was a literal dream. she was amazing and i still have random concert flashbacks every few days.

[teddybeartoji]

ARIII WHEN IS OUR WEDDINGGG I AM TOO IMPATIENT I NEED YOU NOW RIGHT NOW

i know i say this every time but you need to understand that every time i say it it just intensifies okay. like i wAS PSYCHICALLY ROLLING IN MY BED GIGGLING AND BLUSHING i read this first thing in the morning (so like at 5am lmao) and it was just THE sweetest thing to wake up to i just ahhhhh i have so much love for you i don't know what to do with myself

also the fact that u liked this a lot is sooooooooooooooooooooo i don't know heart-warming bc i was very not sure about this one lmao i was certain that prince!gojo lovers would prefer the first part and this was just meh buT LO AND BEHOLD MY OWN PERSONAL KNIGHT HAS ARRIVED. YOU'RE PROTECTING ME FROM MY OWN THOUGHTS I AM FOREVEL GRATEFUL MY BELOVED ARI

okay so i'm just gonna answer you and then elaborate on some more things bc i'm the yappiest of the yapper sue me

it's very very very important to show that even though prince!gojo can be a little cocky shit, who finds the majority of the king-to-be lessons rather boring - he absolutely adores his town and yes, the classes and the books are lame but he's determined to become a good king. and i've been mentioning or hinting idk that his dad - the king - isn't the best guy around. and prince!gojo's dream is to be better than him.

and he's such a softie he really is a puppy!!! he loves his friends so much he's gonna explode with the love.

that character who seems scary and violent and uncaring but they have such a gentle heart. yeah no this is a weakness of mine too lmao it's such a good trope it always breaks my heart and then glues it back together (we'll just ignore the remaining still visible cracks)

AND EEEEEEEEEEE I'M SO HAPPY and proud ngl THAT YOU LOVE THE READER HEHEHEHEHHE (this made me realize that this is borderline an oc isn't it lmao doesn't matter we'll continue calling them the reader)

knight!reader will absolutely appreciate it!!!!! in the spring chap they're gonna talk about the kids a little more hehehe

OKAYOKAY so in my head the reader doesn't resent the doctor at all. ok like for five minutes sometimes but overall they (think) they understand why the doctor didn't take them in. they 'understand' that they didn't deserve it. this knight needs a reality check fr YOU ARE LOVEDDDDDD BE SERIOUS NOWWW i love them so much though this little knight very much living inside me they feel like home

++++ i love the idea of the doctor apologizing!!!!!! i'll try to fit that somewhere...... i fear i might have to add some smaller parts lmao WE'LL SEE WE'LL SEE

hehehehhe gone like the summery wind. now this is totally up to everyone but for me the knight is more spring than any other season. i feel like a lot of people who don't like spring (btw i only know irl ppl who don't like spring i feel like tumblr is a spring loving place i feel safe here)(btw spring is my own favourite season too) say that they don't like it for the muddy weather, the rain, the clouds, the still chilly breeze but they're overlooking the birds chirping? the warm sun peeking out? the grass showing itself from under the melting snow and the mud? the flowers? oh my god the spring flowers????? it's the softness under the brash weather and people are just too quick to judge aren't they? if they'd just spent like a day outside in spring - taking in the "bad" things about it too, they'd love it. the rain is so refreshing, the breeze is so so crisp but it doesn't bite it merely nibbles and the mud? just think about the grass that's gonna grow from there. it's not that bad. it's quite remarkable really.

+ i just realized i started rambling about spring but i totally forgot to like actually reply to you... well but you know how the summer wind always changes to quickly into a way colder autumn wind? like one day it was nice and warm and then bam it's not the same. you got to enjoy the last breeze without knowing it was the last one. slipped right through your fingers hm.

more lore. most of the townsfolk actually didn't have anything against the little knight. they just knew that since the young knight kept getting into trouble with the castle knights - they would be probably punished too if they decided to try and hide the kid. so yeah many older ppl in the town actually recognize the knight and they're very proud. they just don't know how to say or show it - feeling ashamed that they were such cowards for leaving the poor kid on the streets.

everything feels so vivid and warm i wanna dive into this fic & sleep in it (future ari here i just wanna say that i do not in fact want to dive into this fic anymore i’ll stay in summer ☹️☹️) jasahsajsashajhsajsa poor little ari:(((

i also realized that this fic is literally just about the knight and not the prince asahsjahsahsaghsga. poor gojo is getting overshadowed by the cool knight. (not that he would mind that)(he would actually fucking love it)

oh he’s so down bad its embarrassing HE JUST WANTS TO SEE THEM SMILE LITERALLYYYYY HE'S SOOO IN LOVE HEHEHHEHE

this is the part of the movie where i click pause to squeal into my hands <333 MY EGO HAS GROWN TRIPLE IN SIZE ARIII HEHEHHEHEHE YOU'RE SOOOO CUTEEE KISSING U ALL OVER THE FACE RN

prince!gojo is what someone like knight!reader NEEDS and that’s exactly why i think they’ll end up pushing him away. :DDDDDDDDD and you're 100% as always shit is gonna get wild. the knight is sooooooo accustomed to violence they don't even bat an eye to it but then this little princess of a prince comes along and they're just about ready to have a panic attack.....

THE PRINCE BUYING THE EYE COLOR MATCHING OUTFIT HE'S SUCH A DORK I KNOWWWWW and u best believe he really did that

THE KNIGHT AND THE SUN YIPEEE the prince definitely thinks of them as the sun you know. like when others might see the rain and the mud when they look at them gojo only sees the warm golden light. just like an angel you know. and beams always always light up the scars and gojo doesn't shy away from them he adores them.

I WILL MAKE THEM CALL HIM A GOOD BOY THIS HAS TO HAPPEN I THINK I ALREADY KNOW WHERE IT SHOULD HAPPEN TOO HEHEHEH UR A GENIUS ARI

he’s so…. nothing gets me like a good ol declaration of protection genuinely . (future ari back again in retrospect this line hurts more than the ending of this fic like can u even IMAGINE the guilt he must feel. fuckkkk) :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD it hurts i was writing it and it hurt me i was in severe pain i'm glad we're in the same boat lmao

RIBCAGE MENTIOOOOOONNNNN love as hunger love as i want to live inside you love as i need you close closer than close

knight!reader i hate to break it to u but u are experiencing what human beings refer to as positive emotions ahshasgahsgahshgag this made me giggle they're a loser fr

I CAN'T BELIEVE U ALSO THOUGHT ABOUT DE HERE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ARI MICKEY NATION GOING STRONG STRONGER THAN EVER BABY IT'S DISCO TIME even i didn't even think about that while writing it............ it just seemed very natural lmao yeah idk harry is very much rubbing off on me (🤨🤨)

just the idea of someone who isn’t afraid of beasts or blood or pain, but so so scared of intimacy…. YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHH this is the loserville after all

GOJO IS SOOOOO A GIRL!DAD IT'S VERY SERIOUS TO MEEEE he loves them so much

MCIKEYDH MIEUCJE MICVEYE MICKEY MY VISION IS GOING BLURRY IM ABT TO PASS OUT????? LIKE ACTUALLY LEGITIMATELY WOWWWW OK . ok . i will be normal about this . BE GOOD???????? DO U WNAT ME TO DIE??????????????,,, ASGAHGADGASDJASHDAGSHDHA ARIIII I LOVE YOU YOU'RE THE SWEETEST SWEETHEART ALIVE DID U KNOW THAT

ARI I KNEW YOU'D LOVE THE LITTLE COO THAT WAS SPECIFICALLY JUST FOR YOU

also it is very canon that the knight is good with the kids they're just so afraid to scare them:((((((((((((((((((

OMG AND YES MINI-SHOKO I REALLYYY REALLY WANT TO MAKE A PART ABOUT THE KNIGHT AND SHOKO I NEEED TOOOO LIKE I PERSONALLY NEED THEM TO RECONNECT YOU KNOW ACTUALLY I KNOW U KNOW AND I KNOW YOU THINK THE SAME

i love how u characterize them both like i literally can't say this enough: i adore them both and they feel so . multifaceted and real…. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM DID U KNOW I BLUSH SUPER HARD LIKE I'M RED ALL OVER RN THIS IS EMBARRASSING WHEWWWW (ari when the fuck. are we getting married?????)

TEASER X TEASER HEHHEHHEHEHE I'M GLAD YOU AGREE

knight!reader/prince!gojo vs gender and they just keep winning every single time btw this comment is very very very important to me i need you to know that this is a gender bender household everybody can be everybody okay

reading ur writing really does feel like eating a really sweet refreshing treat it makes me sooo happy im nomnoming it :33 AND THISSSS EEEEEEEEEEE HOW DOES IT FEEL BEING KISSED STUPID u have to let me know

UH OHHHH THE FORESHADOWING HAS ARRIVED i loved writing that or like that anyway. thought it might be a bit weird but fuck it we ball. i think now i'm really just narrating this story i am the knight's inland empire

UGHHH I'M JUST SO HAPPY THAT WHAT I WRITE ACTUALLY MAKES SENSE AND IT COMES OUT LIKE I WANT IT TOO AGAIN YOU'RE AN ABSOLUTE ANGEL ARI you give me motivation and praise like noone else (i think i'm getting addicted to this)

OKAY OKAY so i feel like the knight genuinely wants to be softer right? i think i said that somewhere already but yeah. but it's just soooooo hard. it's so fucking hard but the silly little prince is making it easier step by step (even though the knight literally said that 'they're not getting anywhere' be serious rn) but there is always that voice in the back of their mind that's just ready to snap at them ready to give them a fat fucking reality check

gojo being reader’s metaphorical summer i’m still not sure what that makes them though. probably spring right i'm literally in love with us. SPRING BABYYY although again this is 10000% a thing where if u later rethink it and you think that they're another season that's so fucking valid i just want to hear about it lmao

i can picture everything so vividly your writing is just Like That but in this case i really don’t want to feel the scene as strongly as i am rn 😭😭😭 I’M SENSITIVE TOO OK me and prince!gojo are holding hands w our stupid sniffly little selves ahsahgsgaghsahgsghashgagh this is cute i think? IT'C CERTAINLY A COMPLIMENT AND I ACCEPT THAT THANK YOU I'M GLAD (?) IT MADE U FEEL SOMETHING

THE ONE AND ONLY ARI SAYING THAT MY WRITING IS BEAUTIFUL I CAN DIE IN PEACE NOW it literally means so so so much i've said it already and i will say it a lot more i love you so much

the knight and the rain though.. and the way they pointed it out earlier that it's gonna rain too..... and the prince was oblivious to it....... and how they had only seen each other in the sun but now the rain has changed it all.... literally washed away their little shimmer

sugu my dearest i love him so much too he's so important!!! also he will be in the next part!! he'll get more screentime i promise i also promise that the next part is also very angsty but let's just think about sugu rn okay. btw also i'm thinking about maybe splitting the winter part in two bc i have many many thoughts and i think a split might be good but that also means that the first part of it will be pretty much only angst lmao WE WILL SEE i need your opinion too

knight!reader is so troubled and self-loathing and so quick to imagine themselves as some kind of beast i just somewhere said that the knight is good with kids right. they are. but. there have definitely been moments where they did accidentally scare them...............

the heartbreak & shame that he must feel after telling them that he’d protect them and then failing to do so. ohhh this is gonna break him a little isnt it??? a prince who has the kingdom at his fingertips but has to watch someone he cares for get abused. OHHHH YEAHHHH we're gonna dissect this in the next part so i won't say a lot but it will break him yes. . period. sad emoji face.

ANDD MY FAVOURITE PART YAYYYY

and in the end — you're not even a real knight.

i knew almost immediately that i wanted to go this way. because well. how could they be? what kind of a king would knight a troubled kid like them?? even if they're good with a sword that kind of a past would most definitely be like a black spot on them.... and the 'knight' has never called themselves a knight. they've never claimed to be one. and they're not one in their head either.

they are a knight in other people's eyes though bc being a knight isn't about the title it's about protecting those who need to be protected feeding those who need to be fed it's about being polite it's about taking care of people and isn't that all they've been doing this whole time??? they are a knight. they just don't know it. im not worthy to be a knight ; i could never be a true knight this applies too!!!!! that's what goes on in their head. why would anyone even assume that they're a knight? unbelievable assumption (PLEASE BE SERIOUSS)

ANYWAY YES. THIS HAS BEEN SO FUN ARI I LOVE DOING THIS WITH YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND YOUR COMMENTS AND YOUR THOUGHTS AND IDEAS AND YOUR PRAISE AND I'M HORRENDOUSLY DOWN BAD thank you so so much truly i mean that from the bottom of my heart you live in my head<33333333

AUTUMN - THE SMILE

a reuniun between a prince and a knight, filled with laughter, giggles and tears. you should've seen it coming.

☆. contains: prince!satoru gojo x gn!knight!reader; fluff; angst :D; just a tad bit of violence toward the reader but they can take it (right?); knight!suguru makes an appearance as always, talk of shoko and her childhood

☆. word count: 6k

☆. note: got very real in the end. it'll pass, though. surely. tagging my beloveds too bc i want to. @twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat & @elusivemoon & @staryukis

+ here are the masterlist, the previous part & the soundtrack

it's autumn.

the yellow and red leaves paint the town in their warm colors. the people are wearing matching scarves, some already mittens too. the wind can be unforgiving during this time of year - it hides itself behind the last few drops of sunlight and reemerges the second a cloud appears.

it is sunny today, though. a few clouds here and there but not doesn't scare anybody. the town is as bustling as ever. and the prince is out on his daily walk again. he loves being outside, the castle makes him feel so restricted, so caged in. outside - whether it's the shadowy woods or the lively town, he feels free, even if it's a mere moment. he loves taking in the sun - he isn't wearing his blindfold again, aware of the hard fact that he'll get a sickening headache after, but he just can't help it. he wants to see the world around him without the silly restriction his eyes beg for him to wear. he wants to see the leaves, the vines growing on the houses, the river flowing along with the fish in it, the townsfolk. he knows the people, he loves the people; the old lady selling flowers on the corner, the blacksmith with one eye, the doctor, who taught shoko everything she knows, the kids playing ball, the cats nudging themselves against his calves. he loves it. and the people love him, too.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

sure, there are many, who'd like to see him dead but those are just power-hungry dogs and the prince knows that. he loves his people and they love him. whenever he comes out, he always plays with the kids. always. he plays ball with them, he plays house with them, he even planned a tea party for them once. he always visits the flower shop lady to look and smells the flowers, even when they're the exact same ones from the day before. he always buys some, insisting that he pays when the lady says otherwise. he buys loads and loads – some for his own room, some for his mom, some for the dining room and some for suguru and shoko. they always roll their eyes at that but the prince knows they appreciate the gesture; he's seen shoko admire them on the balcony of her room, observing every single petal in detail and he has seen suguru smelling them, when he thinks the prince isn't looking. suguru's nose is sensitive, so the prince takes his time picking out the ones with a smell that won't make his nose scrunch up.

suguru walks with him often, but not today. his knight duties called – the king's guard specifically requested him. 'how fancy' the prince said with a grin, earning a punch to his shoulder. he's proud of his friend, though, always. suguru makes an excellent knight and he couldn't be happier to have his best friend with him at all times (at most times).

he likes to visit the blacksmith, too. and every single time he begs, begs, to try out the job. he wants to get his hands dirty, he wants to try new things. he gets excited; it's freeing. a few times, when the prince is alone, the blacksmith allows the boy to help him.

the doctor is someone he also visits regularly. just to check up on her and to talk about shoko – he is insistent on knowing everything about her childhood but she herself won't tell him all that much. he always brings the doctor freshly brewed coffee from the tavern across the street. from her, he has learned that shoko had a rather tough childhood. well, he did know that much. he did learn that the doctor took in shoko when she was just eight; gave her a warm house and a bed and made her into an apprentice. shoko never budged an eye at the blood and the screams, which threw the doctor off a bit but she supposed it's from the life on the streets.

he has also learned that shoko had a friend, who was ready to do anything for her and for others for that's sake. with a deep sigh, she confessed that she regretted not taking in the other kid. shoko was more quiet, more well-behaved in a sense but the other kid – they kept getting into fights with the knights of the castle. "i kept scolding them over it. but no, they just kept going. later i learned that all of those beatings and slashings were for other kids." her head hanged low as she spoke. "they kept taking the blame for the younger kids, so that they wouldn't get hurt. stole food, so that they wouldn't starve. i didn't know that."

the prince nodded along, surprised to hear about this noble kid. his age, too. "where are they now?" he asked in a whisper, a little scared of the answer.

"they left. around the time they were twelve, i think. shoko was miserable. brought me and her flowers and bread; the most polite troubled kid i ever saw." she sighed."i was stupid."

the prince never mentions all that he knows to shoko; of course, he wants to know more but if she needs time to tell it to him herself – so be it. he offered her a room at the castle after he and suguru made her patch him up after a little accident. it's funny really, one of the prince's fondest memories.

though, the prince can't lie about being very fascinated the mysterious kid, who left town. why did they leave in the first place? why take the blame? who is this person? where are they now?

it's an old conversation that popped into his head as he's making his way to see the very same doctor today. why today? a cold breeze makes a shiver run down his spine and he looks up at the sun. it's so bright. fuck, he's definitely gonna get that headache. a group of kids run by him, laughter filling the street. he thinks about how there are no street kids now – he made sure of that. his father wasn't a fan of his idea of lowering the taxes and building a house for the alleged troubled kids. he hired some people that take care of them and that's another place he'll visit later today. he loves the kids so much and he just wants them to have a good life in his town. he won't be like his father — he will be better.

a warm smell of pastries suddenly floods his nose and he hums – it's thursday today. it's when they bake the biggest batch of goodies. his mouth is already salivating just thinking about it. he'll have to bring some to his friends too. as he's reaching his destination, a familiar glint of armor catches his eye. it's you. standing before the doctor's house, looking up at her with what can only be described as hope, as she's pointing toward the castle with a small smile. you give her a small nod and go for a hand shake for good measure but the doctor grabs your hand with both of hers and holds it to her heart. she tells you something that makes your lip quiver just a bit, just a litte. nodding again, you bow your head and bid your goodbye. the doctor is left standing at her door, watching you walk toward the flower shop.

the prince is stopped in his tracks, only managing to stare at you from a distance. he hasn't seen you since your little meet-cute. not for his lack of trying, though. oh no, he's been all over town, trying to find his little knight but to no avail — gone like the summery wind.

but now. here you are.

you make your way to the flower lady, greeting her with another bow of your head. so polite. the woman just beams at you and the prince feels his own lips twitch into a smile. you two engage in conversation that he cannot hear but once in his life, he doesn't want to interrupt. the flower lady says something that makes your head fall before she bursts into loud laughter, something teasing he thinks. it's like she knows you, why else would she be so comfortable with a new knight in town? he catches a faint, the faintest, little smirk playing on your lips and his knees are ready to give out.

after the short conversation with the woman, you make your way through the town with the prince tailing you. he watches you take in the people, the kids, the houses. the familiarity of it all. many of the older people seem to recognize you, bowing their heads as you pass by them.

reaching the stream that runs through the town, you lean against railing and tilt your head toward the sun. you bask in it. the light warms your skin, accentuating the scar across your eye. it looks cool. you have the same cuirass on from the months before, the little specks of rust still there. he looks at your hands, the bandages covering your fingers and the back of your hand. he's so curious about them. how'd you fight? how'd you protect? who'd you save? where have you been? it's eating him alive, he just wants to fucking ask you about the—

"you do that often, your highness?"

hm?

you address him without turning your head and it makes the prince jump a little. you knew he was here? he looks behind him just make sure you are, in fact, talking to h—

"yes, i'm talking to you."

"wha— how'd you know i was here?" his voice is a pitch higher than usual, genuinely surprised by having your attention on him.

"well, you're bound to spot the royal idiot standing with his mouth wide open in the middle of the street, your highness." you tease.

"i was not standing in the middle of the street! i am perfectly on the side, i don't know what you're talking about." he takes a step toward you, so– so eager to finally have you here with him.

"that's what you took from that sentence?" your fist raised in front of your lips, surpressing a grin.

the prince is more observant than you'd think. his fingers twitch by his side, eager to remove your hand and let your smile shine.

"i haven't seen you around."

"oh, were you looking for me, your highness?" it's supposed to be another tease but it doesn't fall through becaus—

"yes." the prince deadpans. humming, you try to brush off his straigh-forwardness.

"missed me, your highness?" you decide to give it another go.

"yes." and it doesn't work. you feel heat crawling up your neck, so you raise a hand to massage it. to hide it from the prince's keen eyes.

...

"you're ridiculous. don't you have other people to play around with?"

"oh, tons and tons. but they're not you." he leans toward you, tilting his head, boring his pretty blue eyes into yours – he really does look like a puppy like this. you've never seen one, you've only met teeth-baring wolves in the woods. you don't know what to do with him.

"has anyone mentioned, you have a terrible staring problem, your highness?" you retort.

"i just can't help it. and, anyway, i'm trying to figure out whether this is a dream or not."

"why would this be a dream, your highness?"

"i was momentarily convinced that our whole little date was a dream after i woke up, too, actually. but thank god, suguru was there to tell me that you did, in fact, save me. and, and you – yes, you – kindly refused the money and even told me to go and buy myself a new outfit." it's so off-putting how matter of fact it sounds. like he really thought it was a dream. you wonder, whether that's a good or a bad thing.

"well, did you?"

"i did. it matches your eyes. if i had known my little knight was in town, i wouldn've worn it." he sighs dramatically, rolling his eyes before setting his gaze on the river below.

another breeze bristles through the two of you, rustling the prince's hair. the desire to fix it is weirdly strong, you push it aside. a cloud appears and moves in front of the beaming sun, casting a shadow upon you.

"i'm not your knight, your highness. nor am i little." straightening your back, you try to remind him of that. it's hard, he doesn't really take you seriously like that. it irks you.

"yeah– yeah." he brushes it off with ease. no harm done. the cloud moves a little and a few sun beams drop down onto the prince, leaving you behind into the shadows for a moment before lighting you up again.

"by the way, can you stop doing that?"

"doing what, your highness?" you inquire with a raised brow.

"that. exactly that."

"that what? use your words, your highness. you're a big boy, i know you can do it." it's funny to tease him. the honored prince.

he turns to you, his lips pursed. "your highness."

"your highness?" you push.

"you know exactly what i'm talking about and i need you to stop it."

"why would i, your highness?" of course, you know what he's talking about. he was crying about it the last time you saw each other. his name.

"because, because, because," he pushes himself off the railing, fully turning his body to you. "i want you to call me by my name."

"i won't, your highness." it's a statement. you won't budge. you won't.

"but why? i need you to say my name." his shoulders fall as he looks at you. like a puppy.

"why are you so hell-bent on that? i cannot do that, your highness. it's wrong."

"it's less wrong than calling me an 'idiot' every two seconds?" that — is a good point. you won't tell him that.

"what do you think will happen if you say it, hm? there's nobody here; nobody to shame you for it and even if somebody tried – i'd protect you." the last part tugs the corners of his mouth up, nailing them there, showing off his pearly whites.

"what do you think will happen if i say it, hm?" you shoot back.

his parted lips close. "other than world peace and an end to the famine? i just get to hear it, simple as that."

he's doing it again. kind of trying to claw inside your ribcage. thankfully you're wearing armor; you won't let it happen. you can't. it's crazy, how much his sincerity irks you. and his jokes. and his smile. and his eyes. and the way he won't leave you alone. and the way he keeps bugging you about the name. you won't, though. you will not.

"i can drop the 'your highness', if that'll make you leave me alone."

"yes!" he does a little celebratory movement with his fist and the urge to punch him is back. "that's a start. we're getting somewhere now." flashing you a smirk, he leans back onto the railing.

"we're not getting anywhere, stupid."

the prince smiles to himself as you two have another moment of silence. you're both looking at the same two fish in the river, swimming in circles with each other.

while you're distracted with the river, the prince decides to take another good look at you up close. his eyes scan you from head to toe. another glance at the scar – it's deep and it's old. your eyes look a bit tired, but the prince convinces himself that the little glint in them is because of him. there's an almost healed cut in your bottom lip. there's another scar on your neck. he looks over your cuirass, wondering how heavy it is. your sword hanging from its scabbard. how heavy would that be.

"what happened?" he asks, pointing to your bandaged fingers that you keep fiddling with.

"fought a bear."

...

"what?! you can't just casually say you fought a fucking bear and then just stoically look in the distance?" he's ready to bounce off the walls, three words filling his adrenaline gauge immediately.

"nothing special about it."

it's taking you everything to hold back your laughter.

"wha— what the fuck do you mean 'it's nothing special'? you fought a bear?!"

he's unbelievably naive, actually, because does he seriously think you fought a bear and got away with some scratches on your fingers and nothing else? he's deluded. just for you.

"how big was it? was it mad? did you kill its babies? oh, i hope you didn't kill its babies, that's so bad. wait, did you kill it? why'd you fight it in the first place? c'mon, please tell me. please."

it all comes out in one breath and he looks like he's about to pass out.

"well, i was sent for it actually."

"you were sent for it?"

you hum in agreement.

"a few days after being in town, the flowershop lady sought me out with a problem of hers. the knights of the castle didn't take her seriously, that's why she had to turn to me."

the prince nods, already hooked to your story. he knows the older knights, his father's knights, can be assholes.

"she told me – a bear, like a really, really big one at that, had visited the town on a quiet night. and that it'd stolen some of the flowers from her stand."

he nods again, albeit faintly this time.

"so i went to find it. for her. took me days, the journey was rough." you sigh deeply before glancing at him, almost stopping your false little story because of his confused expression. he's cute. no, he isn't. "t'was an easy fight, though. you know how good i am with the sword. i returned with its head just yesterday. that's why you haven't seen me around."

he looks at you blankly, like a kid, who's parents are trying to convince him that santa claus is indeed real.

"i'm just fucking with you, my liege. i didn't fight a fucking bear, s—" you bite your lip to stop the word from falling from your lip and for your sake, the prince doesn't seem to notice.

"that's so not funny, you know. i really thought you went and fought a bear." he dangles from the railing, sporting a jutted out bottom lip and big doe eyes. poor boy.

you just can't stop the small smile that spreads across your face.

"you thought i fought a bear and got away with a few bandages! it's your own fault, really. you're too naive."

his own lips begin to mirror yours. "so mean. i'm just being positive, okay."

"yeah, okay."

it's a second. where it's all quiet – just you and him, looking at each other and smiling. it's weird. and so good at the same time. you don't know what to do with yourself. he bumps his shoulder into yours before leaning back down. he stays close, an inch between you and you fight the urge to pull away. you're scared. not used to this. it was just a fleeting touch and he doesn't seem that affected. (he is). your eyes flick from the river to the fish to the flowers by the water and to the sky above you. you don't know what to do with yourself.

suddenly high-pitched giggles erupt from somewhere behind you, catching your attention. three little girls in their little pastel dresses, they all have flowers behind their ears. the prince turns around and takes the world's biggest bow possible, making the girls titter once more.

"well, hello to my very favourite girls." he's wearing that sickeningly sweet smile again. he kneels down and beckons them closer. all of their eyes flick over to you and the need to step away is killing you. but as if noticing your uneasiness, the prince tugs on your hand, pulling you down with him. he sends you a reassuring smile and motions for the girls again. this time, they don't hesitate.

one of the girls reminds you of shoko. it's a bit uncanny, really. brown hair and big brown eyes. and she even stares at you the same way, just like she did when you were small; with a sense of curiosity instead of the usual distain you were used to. you try to give her a cautious smile, so afraid she'll be frightened by your sharp teeth, by the scars.

she beams.

the little girl flashes you a grin as if she's ready to compete against the sun or the young prince beside you. her little eyes shine, her little hand reaches out. "can i touch it?"

"touch it?"

"th-the scar." she nods. she's excited?

"oh."

the prince is quietly observing you from the corner of his eye while braiding one of the other girls' hair. the girls taught him that. he's very good at it, too. the third little lady is talking his ear off about the next tea-party they're having. he loves them.

"uhm, you can. yeah." clearing your throat, you lean a little closer to her. the small hand stretches out, her fingers ghost over the long bump across your eye.

"does it hurt?"

you shake your head. not anymore.

"cool." she takes a step back, still looking at you.

the prince swears there are stars in your eyes, and he's determined to make them stay there.

"do you want a flower, too?" one of the other girls asks. she has on a purple dress and she has the biggest bundle of flowers in her hands. there are reds, there are blues, yellows and pinks. it's such a colorful bouquet, you wonder where she found them all.

"i– sure."

"i think..." the prince's hand reaches for the flower, his fingertips ghosting over yours. "this..." he raises it next to your ear. "should go here. what'd you think girls?" they excitedly nod their heads. "yes! yes!"

and to top it off, he whispers a 'be good' to you.

a grumble, is what escapes your tight throat but the quiet giggles that emit from the girls help it relax. the prince's nimble hand pushes a hair behind your ear and places the flower aside it.

"would you look at that, hm?" there's a teasing lilt in there somewhere, you're sure of it. you just can't hear it right now. surely. his eyes are glued to you, making your lips purse. the heat is back, back on its way up your spine and to your neck. this is so silly.

'so pretty' is what one of the girls whispers, followed by a small 'yeah'.

your eyes flick over to them, still waiting for them to just run off but they're there. admiring the knight with the flower behind their ear alongside their prince. the heat is now clawing its way up your neck and onto your face; the warm tint on your cheeks makes the prince coo. that's enough.

standing up, you glare at the prince, who simply cannot put away his smile. switching to the girls, you merely lean over them. "run along now." it was supposed to sound harsh, demanding, but once again you're greeted with their warm smiles and giggles. they wave to their prince and they wave to you before running off.

a tug on your bandaged hand makes you jump. "are you coming to the party?" it's the mini-shoko. tugging on your arm like when you were young.

your eyebrows raise – you don't know the answer to her simple question. it should be a no, but how can you say that to her? you just want her to smile, to keep smiling.

an arms slings over your shoulder, making you glance at the hand and then at the face. he's so close like this.

"they're coming!"

"really?" her eyes have doubled in size, genuinely excited and ready for another knight to attend the party.

"i promise!" he sticks out his pinky and waits for her to do the same. they link them together with mirrored smiles before she, too, runs off. the prince turns his head and your noses almost brush together, making your eyes widen.

"it looks good."

"fuck off." shoving him off of your shoulder, you give him a firm punch against his chest, loud laughter rumbling through it. god, he's annoying.

settling back to your spot resting against the railing and closing your eyes, you take another moment to enjoy the sun. you can feel his eyes on you; it's impossible not to.

"stop staring."

"i can't."

you slightly open one of your eyes and peer at him. his leaning on the thing, cheek mushed against the palm of his hand, eyes set on you. he looks beautiful.

"why don't you wear the blindfold?"

"i don't like it."

"how come?"

"i wanna see the world."

"and you don't with it?"

"yes and no." he rubs his eyes before closing them and mirroring your pose – head turned up to the blue sky. "yes, i technically see everything and no, in a sense that i want to look at people and i want them to look at me. i want to connect with them. with the world. with you." he tilts his head toward you, peeking at you. you shy away from his gaze, scoffing under your nose.

"i heard it gives you headaches?"

"it's worth it."

he means it. you hum.

"it's gonna rain soon." you say it more to yourself than to him.

"no, it won't." he opens his eyes and stares at the clouds slowly drifting in wind above him.

"yes, it will."

"what, you a psychic all of a sudden?"

pointing behind him, you gesture to the way darker clouds now moving in the town's way.

"oh..."

idiot.

"you sure you can be outside when it happens?"

"hm?"

"i heard that little boys like you get washed away in the rain. 'm jus' looking out for you." your eyes are glued to the other side of the river in a stoic manner, whilst the prince gapes at you like the fish in the water.

"i— am not a little boy."

oh, and his voice cracks.

...

his cheeks flush but it's worth it because the next thing he hears is like the sweetest melody in the world – you laugh. you actually laugh.

"right... not a little boy but a pretty little princess instead." and you can't help it, another chuckle bubbling up your throat.

he's in awe. the sun peeks from the grey clouds and soaks you in it's golden light. his knight.

"i—..." and he can't contain his own laughter. "okay, first of all – i'd make a gorgeous princess, for all you know!"

"oh, i don't doubt that." you scoff.

the prince takes a step from the railing and spins himself around, hands outstretched holding his imagenary gown, he bends his knees and bows his head like a true princess.

"the girls have taught you well, i see." your hand rises again to hide your foreign expression; rough, scarred fingers covering the softest grin. "you really are ridiculous..."

"just for you." his voice is always so confident, like he really means it. for you. but he isn't. he isn't for you – you seem to be forgetting that. mistakes like that tend to get punished.

he does another twirl but his feet can't keep up with him and he stumbles backward, a moment away from falling when cold fingers wrap around his wrist, steadying him.

"i don't understand how you're so good with a sword when you can't even stand up without the danger of cracking your skull open."

"you think i'm good with the sword?" he beams.

"that's not— that's... i mean, you're good for a person, who has been training for the most of his life, yeah."

it's the best compliment; you trying to conceal it under some fake little comment won't stop him from him writing it down in his little journal later.

his wrist is still caught in your palm and he doesn't plan on letting you go – swiveling his hand to properly grasp onto yours. it doesn't burn. with a smile he pulls you down the small hill, down toward the river.

"hey!"

your little complaint falls onto his deaf ears; he's determined to keep you with him. forever and ever.

the dark figure staring at you from the distance is hidden by the sound of the prince's addicting laughter. you've let yourself go for a minute and you're about to be punished for it. are you ready?

he drags you right to the calm stream, never letting go of your hand. it feels right. your hand in his. he bends down, you with him, to see what he's up to - only to be splashed right in the face.

"wha— you little fuck."

giggles emit from his throat as he takes a step back, watching you dip your hands into the water. "come here, boy."

it's so easy to forget with him. to forget everything. that you're not supposed to be acting like this. playing like children. especially with the prince. you're not supposed to be laughing. having fun. you're not supposed to.

you splash him back, child-like laughter falling from your lips with ease. it's your fault.

this little chase goes on for a couple of minutes before the prince takes another stumble, bringing you down onto the grassy bed with a thud!

this time – your noses really do bump together, an immediate flush spreading across your face. your armor is heavy on his chest but he doesn't mind. doesn't mind when it comes to you. when you try to get up, his fingers latch onto the metal, gently pressing down on your waist.

his blue eyes gaze up at you but you don't really know what is it that swims in them. you're not acquainted with stuff like this. you don't know what the fuck this man is thinking about right now, but you do know that this is inappropriate. you shouldn't be doing this.

"this is stupid." you try to push yourself up again.

"stay."

you glare at him, gauging the meaning behind his word. is he joking?

"stay." he whispers.

your eyes flick down to his lips. his flick down to yours.

his heart jumps in his chest when you don't push away a third time. he does sense a small scolding ahead though. and he's right because your lips part, curving just the right way—

he knows what you're about to say. what you're gonna start your sentence with. it's coming. he can almost hear it. the smooth 's' on the tip of your tongue—

"boy!"

...

your eyes widen and your lips sow themselves shut in the blink of an eye, forcing the prince watch you swallow his name; push it deep down – as far as it could possibly go. never to be seen again. the weight of your armor lifts from his chest, but another kind remains heavy on his heart.

"boy!" the same voice calls. the prince doesn't need to look to know, who it is. a big figure looms over the two of you, ontop the very hill you spent the last thirty minutes on. even though the man's voice is directed at the prince, his eyes are set on you. scrambling to your feet, your head falls into a shameful bow before the king's guard.

how dare you?

it takes no time to close the distance between him and you. the sheer size of the man hides the prince behind him. from you.

the prince's mouth opens – ready to defend his knigh—

a slap!

the man's back of the hand meets your cheek, jolting you, awakening some well-hidden memories deep in your body. your eyes shoot up to face your foe. you know this man. his eyes are cold; cold as the sudden autumn wind, a wind you know will give you a fever and nail you to your bed. your cheek throbs – a dark pink pool of shame; pure shame and digust of oneself.

"a thieving child dressed as a warrior? hah, this isn't the time to play house."

how dare you?

a sharp intake of breath and the prince is hurling towards you but a strong hand keeps him in place.

"don't." suguru. his arm drapes over the prince's chest, holding him back.

slap!

on the same side. the pink tint rapidly turning into a deep red one.

how dare you?

the prince thrashes in suguru's grasp. a raindrop falls onto his forehead, dripping down by his eyebrow, hiding his already watery eyes – 'a sensitive boy' his mother always said.

the heavy brash rain washes away the light that had been shining in your eyes, turning them back into a pair off dull ones; the beating heart behind your ribs rattling in its cage. stupid.

"never did have any respect for your superiors, did ya? you oughta kneel before your prince. and beg for his forgivess."

"no!" the prince barks.

a tch!

his heavy fist lands against your worn back, stumbling you forward. he doesn't need to tell you twice. you don't wanna hear it twice. with a throbbing red cheek you step before the prince and slowly fall down to your knee, into the mud. where you belong. you reach for the prince's hand, raising it to your face.

"forgive me, my prince."

after what seemed like entirnity, your eyes meet. it's not you. it can't be. chapped lips graze the back of his hand, trembling in your hold while you keep your cold gaze on him. the flower behind your ear has wilted, laying limp, just about ready to fall and sink deep into the ground.

the knife in his chest turns and he can't breathe. another tear brimms in his eye, spilling over the plump of his cheek and blending together with the rain soaking his shirt. it hurts.

"why don't you accompany the prince inside, his father is expecting him." the man orders the dark haired knight.

suguru doesn't look any better than the two of you; his lips indefinitely turned downward, guilt seeping from the hands holding his best friend. he knows he can't do anything for you and he's sure you know it too, it doesn't take away the god awful feeling, though. he feels the prince turning more into a puddle by the second, his grasp on him faltering.

he tugs him a step back, the prince's hand slipping from yours.

"please."

it's only for your ears, yet you don't know what he's asking for. you stand with a head held up high, the cold raindrops easing the burning in your cheek (but not in your chest). you watch them saunter away, watch the prince glance behind him exactly three times. three times too much because he just doesn't get it. he doesn't understand that this is it.

this won't happen again; it cannot happen again. he's just a boy — a boy, who wants to play house, knowing there won't be a punishment for his fun. a mere slap against his fingers that he'll respond to with a frown but nothing more. but a knight? playing house? it's absurd, laughable even. it is disgraceful.

who do you think you are?

who are you to touch the prince with your dirty hand? who are you to stain him with your tainted touch? how dare you muddy their little doll? their precious prince? you're some foul creature seen on the street; an agressive dog, ready to chew up the prince. he's not for you to touch, to have — he's theirs. he is everything and you are nothing.

and in the end — you're not even a real knight.