#and worked their asses off so that my generation could succeed

[obsessivevoidkitten]

Pollen and Pheromones

Kinktober Day 13: Sex Pollen

Male Alpha Yandere x Gender Neutral Omega Reader CW: Noncon, sex pollen, aphrodisiac, pheromones, knotting, biting, claiming bite, stranded, spaceship crash, sci-fi, outer space, alien planet, a/b/o dynamics, bigotry/prejudice against omegas, rivalry, breeding, general yandere behavior, tsundere, betrayal Word Count: 1.6k (Enjoy this kinktober meal I have prepared <3)

"Star log: This is Pilot 2418 currently operating vessel Starlion: Orion. I am currently on route to pass the threshold of our galaxy in less than five minutes."

You were a shuttle pilot, one of the Exploration Guild's best. Ever since humanity had achieved interplanetary travel, they had sought to extend themselves ever further. With the new drift-space drives, that dream was now a reality.

They were only currently suited for small 1 to 2 man shuttlecraft, and only a couple such craft had been made. Two different ones had been commissioned through the guild, with both pilots competing to see who could exit the Milky Way first. The new drive could only be used in bursts to prevent overloading, so the journey had still taken a few months. But it seemed like you were about to succeed. Then you could make a U-turn and start drift-jumping back towards the nearest station.

Since you were an omega, this was a great achievement, a notice to the universe that your kind could do whatever betas and alphas could. You would be able to help stamp out the lingering bigotry and inspire others all with one action.

You were just about to cross the finish line!

Suddenly, your opponent, Tetsunori, came out of drift-space behind you. He had been your long-time rival, with both of you being about equally skilled.

But this was unacceptable to him as he was an alpha and held to the knothead mindset that an omega's place was bouncing on an alpha's prick or maybe in a teaching or nursing job.

You weren't worried, though. You had a solid lead. There was no way he could close the gap.

You rolled your eyes at the incoming transmission.

"Why don't you just give up now? If you surrender nicely, I'll let you celebrate my victory by letting you keep my knot warm!"

The temptation to reply was too great.

"Ha! You may be good at navigating the stars, but I doubt you have ever found your way into an omega."

Conversing with him hadn't distracted you or made you pause, so he growled as he switched to another plan. He fired on his tractor beam.

What the fuck, was he insane? Stooping so low to make sure you couldn't have a historic moment? You fired an equal and opposite tractor beam through his, which forced him to disengage. Something only possible because both ships were similar in size and energy output. Did he think you were some amateur?

In a desperate bid to prevent you from winning, Tetsunori rammed his shuttle into yours.

This type of bumping wasn't unheard of. It wasn't lethal if both ships were similar and had their shields up. But the bouncing was pretty strong for both parties, which is why it was a last-ditch effort. It could push you past the line, or it could bump him further. Neither of those things happened, though.

Instead, you careened right into the gravitational pull off a planet. You did everything you could to slow down and stabilize, but nothing seemed to be working.

Tetsunori sped after you in his spacecraft as he spoke into the comm link.

"I'm sorry, oh my god, I'm so sorry! I just had to be first! What omega would want to be mates with someone who they bested??"

You didn't have time for his weird ass confession and barely registered it. Your shields were still online and he had started pulsing his tractor beam to slow you down, full usage of it at such speeds could rip your ship apart, thankfully he wasn't an amateur either and knew that.

You put all available power and quickly put it into overloading the shields. You hit the emergency crash button, and two nozzles came out from the sides of the cockpit and sprayed you with a rapidly drying foam that would reduce damage to you if you got flung about the ship. Tetsunori's reckless and speedy entry into the atmosphere may have been enough to save you, but he had lost control of his vessel as well.

As you crashed, he careened away and crash-landed as well.

It was a good thing the high-tech impact reduction foam was so effective. Despite having shields, the ship was still shaken pretty badly, and the inertial dampeners weren't powerful enough to thwart damage from such a landing.

You took stock of the condition of your systems.

Almost everything was fried. You could at least scan the planet. It seemed like you had actually lucked out. In the entire galaxy planets that supported life were incredibly rare. But you had landed on one.

It seemed there were no known biological hazards present. No recognized toxins, dangerous bacteria, or viral agents. You were cleared to remove your suit. The temporary foam had started to dissolve, so it wasn't hard to remove.

The scanner also indicated there was a strong human life sign. It appeared that Tetsunori was okay.

You took the survival kit from underneath your seat as well as some beverages and rations you had procured at the last station and headed in the direction of dust and smoke in the distance.

You didn't even need the ship's scanner to tell you that the great imbecile, Tetsunori had landed there.

As you got closer, you stepped into a field of flowers that surrounded the entire crash site. You were probably still a mile away, but all around you were odd glittery silver and gold flowers.

The smell of them made you just slightly lightheaded and tingly. You realized the tiniest bit of slick was dribbling down your leg. They must be an aphrodisiac. The scanner hadn't warned you of anything in the air that was truly dangerous, so it probably wouldn't matter very much. And it really didn't. For you. As you trudged through the flowers and pollen, the effects did not get worse.

But for Tetsunori, the pollen was much stronger. When it hit his nostrils, it immediately put him into rut. Not a typical rut either, one of the ruts you see in pornos where the alpha is almost feral and unable to control their mating drive. When you came upon him, he was sitting on a piece of debris from his shit and rocking back and forth in clear distress. Through his outfit, his bulge was immediately visible.

"T-tetsunori? Uh... are you okay? D-did you get hurt in the crash?"

You took a step back when he looked up at you. His eyes were red, giving him a demonic appearance.

"The flowers, I think... they... UGH! My thoughts are all jumbled..."

He started to rub and massage his crotch desperately. He finally caught a whiff of your scent, ripe from the recent hike over to him and from being without a proper shower since your last space station stop. Not to mention the smell of the slick the aphrodisiac had coaxed out of you.

He started wildly sniffing at the air.

"Y-you smell so nice. You can help!"

You started backing away slowly.

"Uh... help with what?"

He got up and closed the difference between the two of you. Sweat had his dark hair clinging to his head. He was significantly taller and looked down at you intensely before sniffing and licking your neck with lazy broad strokes.

"S-smell so gooood. Always wanted to knot youuuu~"

You tried to push him off.

"Tetsunori! St-stop!"

You slapped, smacked, kicked, punched, and flailed, but nothing you did deterred him in the slightest.

"I'm sorry, but I fucking n-need this!"

He pinned you to the ground, clawing and biting off all your clothing until only your underwear was left, he removed it more delicately before inhaling its scent deeply and putting it in his pocket for later.

"Please don't do this, Tetsunori, PLEASE!"

He looked down at you, and it seemed like he was genuinely trying to resist before the pollen-charged rut won out.

Tetsunori unzipped his pants and let his drooling cock and full heavy balls out.

"G-gonna put all my babies in you! Have to! Have to!"

The lust-drunk alpha wasted no more time in ramming into you, an insertion that would have been more difficult had the pollen not slicked you up. Though it was still sudden and slightly painful.

"A-aaah!"

You tried to kick at him, but he growled viciously before pushing you into a mating press and slobbering all over your neck with his eager tongue.

The pollen must have increased the potency of his pheromones, or at least your susceptibility to them, because his musk was starting to cloud your thoughts.

Your grunts of pain became gasps of pleasure as your body quickly accommodated to his large size. You winced as he bit down hard on your neck to claim you. He kept right on fucking into you without skipping a beat.

He licked and kissed the lightly bleeding bite mark, some part of him remembering to comfort you despite his dominating need to fill you with cock. And by that point, the last of your resistance finally melted away.

"T-tetsunoriiiiii~" You moaned as your toes curled and body twitched in orgasm.

He growled your name in response and gave a few hard, deep thrusts before cumming as deeply as possible.

A comforting fullness filled your hole as his knot locked the two of you together. He pulled you close as he sat down so that you were in his lap facing him. The two of you caught your breath, then remained in an awkward silence until his knot deflated.

"G-got it out of your system?"

"Yeah... for the most part... sorry about that..."

You lifted yourself off of his lap, his half hard cock springing free with a lewd plopping sound.

"Well... it wasn't your fault. It was just the pollen..."

He grabbed your wrist and pulled you back into his lap, his cock ramming directly into you, then began humping.

"Well... it wasn't just the pollen..."

[evansdmitri]

Lingering Touches

Zayne x MC (MDNI, implicit, 18+, touchy Zayne)

Zayne Li was well known for his control; whether it was in his field of work or in his emotions in general. Every single person who knew him would testify how calm he was, even in emergency situations where other people would freak out.

Zayne Li also well known as someone who was well known for being clear about out what he wanted. He could give instruction to his intern concerning treating patients as efective as possible in words that easy to be able to understand. It wasn't a rare case where he should give a lengthy theme in a seminar about complex symptoms and treatments and his audiences could understand it really well.

That was Zayne Li that other people know and loved. But not as your Gégé.

You took a deep breath, annoyed and irritated but also in humor. Today was Sunday and both of you promised to each other to take a days the weekend off, so you'd spent all friday and saturday tangled to each other in your bed and did every single activity known to man in bed.

As both of you busy on the weekday, you being a hunter and Zayne as the Chief Cardiac Surgeon didn't provide a lot of free time so you could only rely on weekend to pay all of the longing you both felt.

"Babe...." you warned him to stop his hand playing and fondling your oversensitive nipples--worn out of being handled the whole weekend nonstop.

"What did i do?" His eyes potraying a fake innocent as his fingers clearly still on your right boobs as both of you were cuddling in the sofa with your phone in your hand.

"Stop playing with my nips! They're so sore!" You said as you try to push his hand from your boobs, which was falling futile.

He was whining "no," as he tug the bud and smirking.

"My God! Gégé! It hurts!" He was chuckling as he trails his hand away from your boobs to your bare hips, his nails scraping your sensitive skin slowly but surely.

Even after intimate three times in span of two days, his needs hadn't subsides. Sometimes you feel his hand plucking your nipple or fondling the aerola, either under or over your shirt. After he bored he would scraping his finger to your skin, circling your hips and nestle it between your thigh--succeed at gathering gasps from you.

Both of you did have a considerate high amount of sex drive, but he had a lot more than you do--which lead him to always inisiate the action. He did have a certain way to rail you in his own way.

You gasps as you feel his finger on your bundle of nerve outside of your pants and his tongue tracing your earlobe. "Are you in the mood again, Babe?"

He answered with a short no.

"Then why are you teasing me, hm?"

"I'm not teasing you, if you get horny, then its not my fault."

"How can i don't get horny if you keep playing my body like that?" You bite back.

"Then i'm lucky."

"Just says you're in the mood for another round." You pushed him, turn your body to facing him, his hand passed your hip to pussy.

"How can I'm not in the mood when your body like this, hm?" He whispered to your ear, his hand found your globe and the curved of your hips. "How can I'm not always in the mood if your body is my type?" Then he was massaging your ass cheek.

You pull your body to above him, settling your weight above him, with his arousal certainly poking your clothed pussy. You grind his arousal with your hips, gaining a gasp and open mouth from him. Your lips turns to smirk as you feel he was pulling your pants down.

He had always been like this, never directly telling you when he was in the mood or wanted a stress reliever. But he would always teasing your body with kisses, strokes and massages, dirty talk and licks. Not because he didn't want to, but he like to saw you got horny by your own pace or because of his ministration, not because of sense of obligation.

Zayne Li did always know how to get what he want to other people. And he know how to get what he want from you. He always did.

Border belongs to @bernardsbendystraws

[aloesarchives]

Domestic Headcanons w/ Mama!Reader and the Fushiguros #2.5: Teen!Mayumi (OC)

TW/Warnings: Domesticity, AFAB/Female Reader, Family life, unhinged crack, JJK OC(but not main x Reader), tons of swearing, Mayumi is truly a Gen Z kid

Pairing: Toji Fushiguro x Fem!Reader

Pronouns/Usage: She/Her, Mama/Mom

So, it's been awhile since I've actually posted anything. College, projects, life in general fuck my ass up frfr. On top of that, I got really bad writer's block and being burnt out. I've been spending time with family and friends and it's been giving me motivation to write again. So I'm trying to finish my long wips before my winter break ends!

I also made reference pics of Mayumi for anyone who's curious on what she would look like. These pics of Mayumi were based on my appearance since she's an self-insert combination of me and Toji lol. I had to work with what I got to visualize her. If you has questions or wanna ask more about her, feel free to drop an ask in my inbox!

(Credits to the creators of the photo generators from Piccrew and Storior. I didn't create the generators but used them to create these pics)

Preteen!Mayumi:

Teen/Highschool!Mayumi:

Mayumi wasn’t a menace or a problematic child. Nothing was too extreme that required strict parenting. As she grows up, she’s not as rebellious as you imagined. She only talks back to Toji, never you. But even then, she’s setting her boundaries up and setting herself up. 

She’s in her own little world, doing her own thing. A go-getter if you will.

Only taking after the green eyes of your hubby, she is a mini version of you through and through. Performing well and evolving into an academic weapon of mass destruction. School has never been an issue for her or will be in the future. She is a competitive person at heart but stays humble as much as she can. She most definitely does Kendo, Kyūdō, and Karuta. You and Toji always go to her competitions. She’s always on the podium in first place. She’s only good because Toji’s the only one who has the physical prowess to match. And Toji doesn’t go easy on her during their training. But your daughter is grateful that her Papa supports her interests and wants her to succeed, which proves your point that you made the right choice in choosing a husband and father for your children.

But Mayumi in her teen years, she turns a complete 180 and becomes a mini Toji. A menace. 

She isn’t a bully nor picks on others. It’s the other way around, she is fully beefing with egotistical kids that think they’re all that and can do anything. Her reasoning is quite interesting because she’s trying to show them that the stuff they pulled off wouldn’t slide in the real world. She’s helping them out because the stuff they pulled can be digging their own graves if they mess with the wrong people. The bullies jump her off-school grounds and after school hours, too bad it leads them to either having a bruised complex, pride, or straight up CTE.

She never fought in school, no never. That's after-school activities for her. Even if that were to happen and you and Toji had to be called down, the only thing that matters to Toji is whether or not Mayumi won. But the answer is always the same, which is yes. That’s you as well but you had to be the reasonable parent in the situation. If any of the parents of the bullies trifle with you, you can pull your connection cards on them and it shuts them up good.

“Oh, you think your threats scare me? Bold of you to assume I could feel shaken by someone like you. It’s not like your company violated several labor and wage laws, or your money embezzlement affairs? Hm?”

Once she got to high school at Jujutsu Tech, no one wanted to shit on her because they all know they’ll get boxed up by her after hearing the things she’s done to people that tried her.

She never explained how she controls her impulses. She credits her strong will power but you remember your husband is Toji. And with that, you know her sudden urges to do something reckless/impulsive are watched under the supervision of her father. You know this because one day you saw her long jump over the koi pond in the backyard of your home. She cleared it with perfect form and footing. You’re dead when Toji starts teaching her optimal forms and techniques so she could have a higher vertical and be nimble in the air like he is. 

She isn’t a trouble-maker. She’s not as reckless or impulsive like others around her age. You ask her why she doesn’t participate in day adventures or nightly escapades. She said most of her friends have curfews and can’t be out late. All of them have different routines so it’s hard to find time to hangout on the weekends. Mayumi also said she doesn’t know what’s lurking at night and wants nothing to do with it. And She knows Toji will know whether she snuck out at night. But she doesn’t want to cause you and Toji any trouble so she either doesn’t get into trouble at all or does but it’s a situation she knows she can easily handle herself.

She is a certified Zen’in hater and the most vocal about it too. She really doesn’t acknowledge that half of herself and purposely avoids talking about them in a familial matter. 

She is definitely stealing Toji’s old clothes and adding them to her wardrobe. The jackets he doesn’t wear anymore? She stole them and is a part of her wardrobe. She says she is repurposing them when she really wants them. 

Most of her teen years were filled with K-pop, her aesthetic is Y2K for sure. The staples of her closet are cargo pants, those long retro denim skirts, oversized t-shirts and jackets.

Because Shui sometimes visits Korea for business, Mayumi is always asking him for a TWICE, New Jeans, or BTS vinyls. She gets him all three in her room on display and plays them when she wants to chill out in her room.

Mayumi likes to spend time with Maki, Mai, and Nobara. Trains with Maki alongside Toji. No wonder Mayumi is so good at fighting. She was literally taught by PEAK.

The sibling banter, oh my god. “Mom, get this Emo kid off his ass and tell him I need him to come with me to watch a movie!” “Why me? Can’t you ask Tsumiki or your friends?” “Ugh, because my friends are busy and Tsumiki-Nii won't come home until after her club. Plus, you’re not doing anything right now and today’s our weekly sibling bonding time!” Megumi groans and grumbles before getting up off the couch and grabbing his wallet. Or her saying, “Gumi-Nii, this is why you got no maidens” when Megumi told her to leave him alone when she went into his room to bother him. 

Megumi has to deal with her as he is the main victim of her antics. Getting teased and roasted endlessly. He knows everyone's footsteps and knows who coming. That's only because he needed to recognize when Mayumi is coming and needs to mentally prepare himself when interacting with her. This is what happens when Mayumi got your looks but Toji's personality.

Begs Megumi to bring out his shikigamis so she can take pictures of/with them. Putting silly accessories on them like bows and hair clips. She puts hats on his divine dogs or take pictures of them at funny angles.

Don’t get me started on her inheriting Toji’s shit talking and banter. Her snide remarks and roasts are creative and out of worldly that Toji takes mental notes. Prime example, upon learning Toji and Satoru’s “shared past”, her insult library grew. “Dad, I don’t wanna hear anything from you! I’m talking to the same man who had beef with a bunch of high schoolers because his pockets were itching!” Turns to you “Can’t believe you looked at this and thought, ‘Oh, I’m definitely gonna make him my husband and the father of my future kids.’” You raised an eyebrow at her when you looked up from your laptop, “Mayumi, Dearest, you can’t be saying that. If I never gave that man a chance, you, Megumi, and Tsumiki wouldn’t exist. Besides, if it wasn’t for me, your Papa would be seeing a Michael Jackson concert or be at a Tupac meet and greet right now.” On second thought, maybe she got the shit talking from you too.

Continuing on the previous thought, Mayumi will say the most out of pocket, unhinged, crazy type of insults and curses you will ever hear. A prime example of this was during the Tokyo-Kyoto exchange event in Mayumi’s first year Jujutsu Tech. It was a 1v1 tournament between the Kyoto and Tokyo students. Mayumi’s opponent happened to be a third year student from the Zen’in clan. As you were watching from the sidelines with Toji, you couldn't help but notice Mayumi’s expression. She was locked in and basically mean-mugging them. Any and all insults were brushed off and unfazed. As she expected, your daughter knew her distant relative would pick her a part for being a celestial restricted user and not having any curse energy. As the fight went on, Mayumi was getting annoyed. Not because her opponent was hard, oh no not that. She was annoyed by the fact her opponent was all bark and no bite. Like her opponent was legit trying but it wasn’t enough for her. She could’ve easily ended the match, Toji and you knew that from the start, but she wanted to hold out in case her fight would get interesting. Alas, it didn’t and Mayumi was disappointed as hell. As she would put it, she’s related to frauds. Her opponent was yapping away with the classic “You got lucky” and “this isn’t my full power” shit. Now she’s just getting mad that her opponent was absolute garbage. Her opponent said something that you couldn’t quite make out, but Toji did as he let out a huff. You guessed it set off Mayumi because she stared them with the iconic Toji glare, clenched fists and teeth, and said “Choke on my dad’s dick and get pegged by my mom, you damn fraud!” Then proceeds to give that Zen’in the most devious combo imaginable, it connected so well it would be a perfect score in any fighting game. The fight was over with the obvious winner being Mayumi. But you and Toji, stunned for a solid five seconds before bursting out in laughter. For as vulgar and out of pocket your daughter was for saying that, it was creative. Toji even had tears in his eyes because he was dying of laughter but also how proud he was of Mayumi. That combo was crispy and only his daughter could do something like that.

She is so much like Toji that when she was fighting a Zen’in member(s) (99% Naoya), she locked in and did a pose. She had this look in her eyes and her grin was done in a way that’s almost primal. Then everything clicks and she’s giving them flashbacks because she’s giving TOJI AURA. She’s reminding them of Toji and piecing them up like her Pops. As Mayumi likes to put it, she’s running it back to her papa. The get back on the Zen’in clan for Toji. And she fucking delivers, ate that shit up and left no crumbs behind. She’s infamously known to be compared to Toji in the Jujutsu world but she wears that shit with pride and honor. “Disrespect my papa, then I’ll give you guys that generational fade that even your descendants will feel the secondhand embarrassment that you’re their ancestors. Straight up Frauds.”

Forces Toji to take selfies with her. Just a teenage daughter dragging her dad around. She’s just a girl, your dearest daughter, just dragging your 6’1 boulder of a husband around. Doing those drink dates and posting them. 

Okay, in my Modern/Toji Lives Au, since Shui doesn’t dip out and go under the radar he has a presence in the kids' lives. Every Time he’s over, he and Toji are yapping away at each other. Every time Mayumi is about to go out, she stops by and greets Shui and Toji before leaving. Usually she would be out the door when she has to go somewhere but there’s always a five minute gap. Turns out, she waits for Shui to give her cash and leaves with at least  29,000 Yen(close to $200 US). Watching this unfold is sometimes jarring because your husband and his friend at one point in time wretched havoc in the Jujutsu/underground world. Now, they’re just two older guys, chilling on the engawa of your home, and having a drink.

Mayumi is running Satoru’s pockets. Gifts, money, anything you name it, he’s getting her something. Satoru told you that as the unofficial oldest child and brother, it’s his job to get gifts and provide some financial incentive to his younger siblings. Since this is voluntary for Satoru, Mayumi is taking full advantage of it. When Mayumi got to that age, Satoru even offered to pay for schooling if she wanted to go to college/university or study abroad. Toji felt a bit insulted with how Satoru was casually flexing his wealth right in front of him. But Toji being the guy with an eye for better deals, he’ll silently let Satoru spurge on Mayumi if it meant he didn’t have to spend a single dime on her.

Ends up having a popular social media presence because she went viral from a post that had you and Toji in it. It was caption with something like "I want what they have/ Why my standards in love are so high" and it's you and Toji doing domestic stuff with Toji having this loving look on his face and you giving him a soft tender expression.

She doesn’t take her account seriously and just posts fun stuff or things for shits and giggles. Probably makes Toji do trends with her or takes videos of him doing mundane things around the house that got netizens foaming at the mouth. Then netizens start foaming at the mouth and become rebid when they find out about you. Doing a mom reveal and people were asking in the comments your skincare/makeup routine, making barking noises, etc. Then she does a family reveal where she includes Megumi and Tsumiki and people say the most unhinged things.

“You guys need a table? I can be a table for you guys”

“If yall need a chair, I’m the best chair to sit on. I can hold everyone.”

“Bro, please, save some for the rest of us! Like, let me have a fighting chance! Please!”

It gets worse when she posts a picture or video of her hanging out with Satoru, Suguru, or Nanami.

When Mayumi reveals both you and Toji’s ages, she did a video of your secrets while you say something sweet and practical like family and dropping your skincare routine then there’s Toji’s portion of the video. Toji just says: “My wife” and that’s it, does not elaborate on it. When Mayumi presses on, Toji responds “Your mom, Mayumi. I mean, do I need to say anything else because I legit got nothing else, Sweetheart.”

She does those livestreams to answer questions, you sometimes watch them when you’re away from home. They make you feel better and you do get a laugh out of them. 

Mayumi doing a livestream: “How old is my dad–? Too old for you all! And he’s married! shows a picture of you in the livestream Married! He’s taken! So stay away from my father! Stay away from my father, guys!”

Did a livestream with you and Toji and the amount of time Mayumi had to chastise Toji because the stuff he says will get her banned is hilarious and you are just watching the carnegie unfold right before you.

She did one livestream with her friends doing the hear me out challenge. And one of them pulled out Toji’s picture and put it on the brownie cake. Mayumi: “gasps! That’s my dad! Why the hell did you guys put my dad in!?” It gets worse when her other friend puts a picture of you in there too. Everyone was laughing while Mayumi was straight up flustered and stressed. Poor girl, she doesn’t need to be reminded that everyone wants to bang her parents.

Mayumi begged you to do that trend where daughters put their mothers in their style/clothes. That post was a hit but Toji wasn’t home for that. So when she made a post of Toji’s reaction to the post where you’re wearing Mayumi’s Y2K clothing, it was a hit too. That’s because as Mayumi sends him the post and he watches the post on his phone, Toji watches the video before looking up at Mayumi, with her phone pointed at him, and saying, “You want a younger sibling, Mayumi?” And she lets out a scream that was perfectly cut at the end of the video. 

Toji definitely spends the most time with her, they are very close to each other. They vibe on another level that you know you can’t even get. You’re aware she confides about anything and everything to you but always goes to Toji first since he’s more empathetic of her situations and what she goes through.

She’s the extrovert of the family (if you weren’t already one) but spending time and being near her is fun and entertaining. Mayumi is the apple to everyone’s eye but knows when to be strong and stand ten toes when she needs to be. She’s still a kind, considerate, and compassionate person. She’s just more outspoken now that she’s a teenager and she’ll stand on that. She’s a wonderful mix of you and Toji and is a certified Gen Z kid who loves her parents and siblings.

Taglist:

@luqueam @ploylulla @tqd4455 @wolywolymoley @captainbabybear @ravenswife @tqd4455 @k-kkiana

Taglist(w/o links):

@szillx @SleppyAnn @g0th1xac1d @kneelarhmstrung

[pansy-picnics]

can ask that you spill everything about your Splatoon OCs? 😺

ABSOLUTELY i did not expect anyone to ask to be honest….goodness where do i even begin. Let’s see. I’ll start with my main little doomed love triangle thing i suppose

Cecilia Paek, she/her, 24 yrs old, aka: cece, celia, eight, whore, freak, slut, etc. My agent 8. born in the domes under the name Paek Seo-Mi, but renamed herself to cece post-memory loss. A freak both in the not-safe-for-work sense and just. In general. She says the most unhinged shit in such a passive formal manner. Marina has to consistently tell her she’s not allowed to eat the jelletons. She bites. A lot.

aside from being a freak cece is curious and observant, but incredibly blunt and fierce. In the past Seo-Mi was a much quieter and more repressed person, but hearing the Inkantation awakened a flame within her, so to speak. Cece is incredibly vocal about her thoughts and feelings, and she does not like to be pushed around. although shes always been a very nostalgic person, shes been trying to look forward more often than not. (she was on team future!)

cece has a very mature, almost sisterly presence, and is especially close with neo 3 (ikra) and her pseudo sister agent 4 (yottsu). she also has a daughter of her own, yumi! ikra and yottsu are my friends ocs so i cant say too much about them but ikra is like, basically her and kyle’s adopted kid

Kyle Lastname, (Actual surname to be determined Eventually) he/him, 25 yrs, aka three, cap, kyle, ceces silly rabbit /j. he’s my captain 3. has a stupid ass name bc he’s a stupid ass guy. Basically started as a joke oc but i put him through the Horrors. he’s the malewife of all time.

Grew up the only hearing person in a deaf/hard of hearing household so he’s fluent in sign language. He joined squidbeak when he was like 16 mostly bc he was a MASSIVE FUCKING LOSER with a huge ego who wanted the attention. Now he has Trauma and hates his teen self more than anything. (The egotistical little white kid phase is like, a rite of passage in his family. His little sister is still in that phase.) Now that he’s mellowed out hes just a sopping wet cat. Dating cece and is obsessed with her + will do literally whatever she wants.

Hes a lot more talkative than canon 3, hes the kind of guy who copes with humor all the time. he tries to be cool and mysterious but hes really awkward and gets flustered or worked up super easily. He’s overall a pretty boring guy and thats his charm. She’s barbie and he’s just ken. etc etc.

Hes SO dad coded btw. He and cece have a daughter together, Yumi. Since he was young he spent a lot of time looking after his little sister and he’s basically adopted his protege, neo3 (ikra). he makes me think of RTGame for reasons i could not describe to you, it’s just the energy somehow. He’s my babygirl. My little meow meow if you will (Cece voice)

Victoria Mendoza, she/her, 25 yrs, aka Tori. SHE is the fucked up one. Literally doomed by the narrative. Eye love her.

She comes from a long line of elite soldiers and was a child prodigy, but also the Problem Child. Got expelled from multiple schools for beating up other kids. from a young age she’s been incredibly critical of the octarian society and she was basically your average teen rebel. into alt music/fashion, incredibly vocal about her distaste for the system, fairly closed off with a cold exterior. the only person she truly cared for was Seo-Mi (Cece).

Seo-Mi was quiet and sweet and generally pretty average academically, so she didn’t have nearly as much pressure on her to succeed compared to Tori. the two were childhood friends and teenage lovers. The only ones who truly matched each others freak if you will. When they were little girls they used to dream of escaping to the surface together. this changed when they were about sixteen years old.

the most important thing to know about tori is that she is a pessimist and at her core a Coward. She’s all bark and no bite. She’ll scream her hatred of authority from the rooftops but immediately crumble at the sight of her leader. and as she got older and officially entered her career, she lost hope. she determined the surface wouldn’t have anything more for her than the domes did. she became complacent, while Seo-Mi, who had previously been more neutral, had heard the inkantation and only become more determined to leave the domes.

The two desperately tried to change each other’s minds but they were far too stubborn. both of them were crushed by the supposed “betrayal” of their beloved. Inevitably Seo-Mi left for the surface, eventually being taken in to Kamabo Co. while tori stayed behind to rot.

Since Seo-Mi left, tori became more bitter than ever before. she turns her focus to her career, and her family, but she never truly moves on from the loss. Unfortunately, Cece did. Cece met someone else, she’s started a family, she has a completely new name. she’s essentially a new person. and Tori is still the same.

Canonically i don’t think they would ever meet again and actually recognize each other, but i like to play with the idea sometimes bc if they did they would Hate each other. Tori is completely incapable of accepting that her Seo-Mi has moved on. She is clinging on to a version of someone that doesn’t exist anymore. tori is a deeply self destructive person and will never move on in any sense of the word. Sad!

Also this is Yumi. Age varies but shes like. Very young toddler as of the current timeline. She’s cece and kyle’s favorite surprise (Accident). They’re both freaks and shes the consequences of their actions. She and smollusk have playdates together. She’s obsessed with off the hook but doesn’t realize that her weird lesbian aunts pearl and marina are the same people. She’s baby

[ibelieveinvillainsupremacy]

Oooooh!! I have an idea! How about a pitch black x reader where (Y/N) is totally Gen Z, so nothing really scares them and it drives Pitch INSANE.

Reader is so desensitized that anything Pitch tries to pull they just brush it off or think it’s funny!

Omg first request on my AU <33

Of course! Sounds so cool ^^

(After a lot of time i start writing again qwq)

Before starting, here's a little context on this AU:

I was inspired by @seaslugfanclub Disney Villains/ y/n park assistant concept, I thought something.

What if there was another company (generic name supposedly) that to go against this incredible idea of the Disney Parks to make the Villains turn into actual people decided to do the same thing with non- Disney Villains as well?

And this other y/n had to take care of them, because they are also very chaotic without a lead of some kind...

my most recent post includes way more villains i got obsessed with, so check out the list if you want to request me some asks!

Now, let's go <33

The Disney Parks had made such a smart move on making their bad guys come to life, so their most brilliant rival decided to do same thing.

But how to make their choice not sound like a copy of their rivals?

Easy.

Let's include multiple animated universes and let them come to life together!

Unfortunately for Y/N, the park attendant that has to reunite them all together and "take care" of their actions,

(no kids or human was harmed in this, writer of this confirms! at least not yet),

that wasn't an easy job. Not at all.

Don't get this wrong, the newest addition to the park really enjoyed villains of all kind (and despite not being accepted by the other park) she gladly wanted to work at this new one. Yeah, wanted.

Because the poor human didn't know tha chaos that was about to happen.

One of the villains that was a pain in the ass to tolerate was the lord of nightmares himself.

Now, normally one would be a little bit, at least for a moment, scared of what that man had in mind.

Well, let's just say that Y/N was one of those incredible (and so incredibly frustrating) humans that wasn't scared of the tricks and literal creatures Pitch could materialize out of nowhere.

Spiders? No, the park assistant wouldn't even look at them.

Clowns? You'll get a laugh and a few looks that seem to say "Not today, big guy"

Anything that the obscure could think about would never work.

"After months in your company, I'm still not sure on the reason why you are even able of seeing me, without any profound and maniacal fear in that head of yours."

Oh. That day you were literally head in the clouds, well not fully. You were trying to separate Rasputin and Rothbart (those bickering old-) that were for the thousand time arguing on who was the most powerful, had the coolest song, which one was almost going to be part of Disney (let's just think that he didn't succeed). And who had to help that mess? Guess.

So now you had another problem to fix. A big one.

You knew that he was a little disappointed from that look on his ashen face, so you had to fix that.

"Well, I actually am afraid of things, Pitch, but if I actually start panicking at any nightmare creation of yours, this park would be absolutely turned to dust. And I don't know where you'll go without me, and my frustrating emotionless face."

The villain then gave a small nod in your direction.

"Can you at least be scared next time? Just a little bit?"

"Would that make you happy?"

"I think so."

"Then alright big guy. I'll show you my terrified face, promise."

"I can't wait to see it."

[bluerockcandy]

Ok but like picture this:

CW is the personification of time, hes a time god, so while he can stop time, speed up, slow down, he isnt always consciously aware of the speed of time. BUT, lets think of time as a part of him. So, when he likes people, wants them to succeed, even peripherally, time seems to be in their favor.

People often say oh time flies when you’re having fun and drags when you’re not. What if this were actually true. CW isnt always focusing on the people he likes, but time is him so it also favors these people. They will always just make it to class right before the bell or save someone just in time, an attack will be a second too slow.

For danny, however, CW is basically a grandfather. CW loves danny. So time is like an eager puppy that wants to please him. If hes having fun with his friends and thinks, i wish it could always be like this, time fucking dilates for him, it really does go slower. When hes bored time speeds up just a little bit.

That was a long ass lead up to my fic idea but anywayss. Imagine danny gets old, time passes, but not really for him. Its probably a mix of being a ghost and CW being his grandfather, but hes stopped aging at some point. He loses his sense of time. When its always stopping and starting and speeding along and slowing down, it tends to lose some of its meaning. So he lives and lives until one day he realizes the world has completely changed around him. He’s become something of a homebody, staying in his home for months at a time, imaging the stars, recording star maps, generally enjoying his life.

Theres a knock at the door. More of a thud, really, and when he goes to check it out, he finds a man- a man bat? -slumped against his door. He’s baffled. But the man- man bat? -is injured, so he brings him in.

He tries to take the armor off, before giving up it just phasing it off of the guy. Not all of it, he leaves the cowl over the top of the face and the underclothes stay put, he’s not disrespectful, thanks you very much. He does what he can to patch the guy up. Its much easier to do on someone else rather than himself. The man bat guy doesn’t seem to be badly injured, a broken ankle, a fractured wrist and bruised ribs, but what really seems to have taken him out is a bad concussion, he guesses, judging by the fat ugly knot on top of the dudes head.

It is no matter, he thinks, he will just have to stay here and recover. And so danny drifts off, to put some food aside for his unexpected guest and to get back to work.

He genuinely forgets about the guy until he hears a thump. Trying to sneak out, the man bat has fallen. Now, normally, theres no way in hell Batman would have fallen. But when he’s seeing in quadruple and his head pounds with every beat of his heart, he can probably forgive himself for this little mistake. Maybe.

Danny floats on up to him.

Wait

Y am i writing this all out lol. I was just gonna outline my idea and dip 😭.

Basically, he helps bats recover, but finds he really likes hanging out with him. So time comes into play and slows down, just for them. When bruce is finally healed and can reach out to someone, the world has changed again. Shit went down in gotham. The city has changed. He doesnt understand at first. Its not really wirher of their faults, but hes- he doesnt know how he feels, sad, mad, frustrated, at a loss. He feels it all, in great detail, and it weighs heavily on him. But well, hes made friends with danny in the years- years???!! - hes been with danny. He goes back. They make up and stay together til bruce succumbs to old age bc he isnt the same as danny. Nvr was and wasnt going to be but at least they could enjoy their time together. The end.

[aztarion]

i picked up night road after a while and i find myself constantly picking up julians mess. is this normal or am i getting myself in harms way by being stupid

omg hiiii… average night road experience for most players i think.. 😭 although it shouldn’t be too bad if you are at least around 2 dots relationship with julian in the stat menu (at this level you still have room to choose some of the pissy dialogue w him without plummeting the relationship entirely) (ignore my stats im just screenshotting from my current random ass pt)

im a snake and have a doc of all my couriers “canon” choices for navigating the missions that keep everyone happy or oblivious until it’s time to pick a side but it’s very fun to experiment with the different options and outcomes while engaging with different relationships throughout ^^ night road has so much flavor and dynamism built in that you will absolutely not see even in 5 full playthroughs. (ive played about 15 times since last april and can really only now say ive seen everything and i still code-dived for some of the setite stuff)

if julian is purposefully making it very hard you’ve probably pissed him off

^ defy the traditions & seek higher purpose are the convictions you want to prioritize to incline him towards you but you can absolutely have a 4/5 dot score with julian even going against these. they just help in some situations where the game checks your relationship w julian and if it’s low it will also check these to see if julian still “respects” you

if you have a low score w julian and no dots in either of these convictions then he does not think of you as anything more than a wayward experiment and will be spiteful when you actively work against him (which is very fun and interesting too so if that’s where you are youre definitely not playing it “wrong” or anything just another facet of the story and you should keep going and stirring the pot 👁️…… the author himself said he really likes a lot of the fail options and perpetuating negative relationships on both sides lmao)

if you ARE actually working with julian and things are still getting too messy its probably due to low stats and failing the checks. julian's route is slightly more difficult to do than the camarilla route and if you fail to succeed then the missions do end up going to shit due to fallout 🤦‍♀️ youre a neonate trying to work behind the cam's back at that point so its like you reap what you sow (still fun lmao)

on the opposite end if you have a good relationship with julian and are successful at pulling off his plans then he will actually come in clutch for you a few times and theres nice flavor text in certain missions for both friendship and romance ^^

let me know anything specific if i didnt answer you properly!!! clan/convictions/relationships/choices so far, etc. i tried to write down everything i could think of rn but it’s pretty general

AND YAEEEEAAAAAGGGGGHHHH i think you told me you got night road sometime last year i HAVE been wondering if you finished it and what you thought!!! so glad youre picking it up again i love it so much LMAO

[phantomoftheorpheum]

The Umbrella Academy Season 4 Review/Critique

Fair warning- this is ridiculously long. If you expand this post and don't actually want to read it, it will be a pain in the ass to scroll through; I would advise against it.

Just to be 100% clear, these are my opinions and interpretations of the show. If you don't want to see criticism (and quite a lot of it) or read a pretty raw, unfiltered/unedited review of the season, this is not for you. This is a casual platform, so I tend to just let myself think out loud on these posts, meaning that I don't go back and heavily edit my thoughts. I may express ideas for the storylines that would need some refining, I'm generally just spitballing.

This is a very criticism heavy post, I have a lot of issues with this season, so if that will upset you, please just don't bother to read this. I will be tagging anti tags (due to the large amount of criticism I have for the show) for filtering purposes.

*** Spoilers for all 4 seasons of Umbrella Academy ***

Good Stuff First

I always like to start with my favorite stuff from the show, because usually if I am bothering to critique, it means I have a lot of criticisms, but I always want to acknowledge what the show does well before I start getting into what it does not do well.

Individual Characters & Dynamics - In particular, I thought Klaus's unique character voice was present and well written and the performance continued to be top notch (I have some criticisms about the actual storyline, but I think Robert nailed what he was given from an acting standpoint). Many of the specific dialogue and character dynamics felt consistent to earlier seasons, which can be difficult with such a wacky show. There are definitely some characters who were able to shine, regardless of what they were given.

Visuals/Sets - The show still looks as good as it ever has. It's never been groundbreaking cinematography, but you can feel the budget in the aesthetics of the show. It has been able to maintain this weird "almost our world, but not quite" reality in a visual manner since season 1. It has a distinct style and look. The sets largely feel big and textured and expansive, even when they're fairly simple. I like that we've at least glimpsed the house in every season.

Tone/Humor - The Umbrella Academy is weird. It has always been weird. It must be weird or else it would feel... bad weird? It does succeed in continuing to be weird AF. I like that the show isn't afraid to be incredibly strange. It is a show that swings big. The humor is still there. Humor is hard, and I think they hit more often than they miss.

Family Road Trip - The group dynamic, family bickering, montage effect of 4x02, etc. was one of the lighter and more enjoyable choices made in season 4. The bit of "annoying song stuck on a loop" that continued to crop up throughout the season worked for me.

Abigail Completely Failing at Being Gene - This is only a very small part of the season, but Nick Offerman playing an alien cloaked in a (very weird) human skin and very poorly pulling it off added some levity while it lasted.

Soundtrack - While I think there are fewer distinctly standout tracks for this season (but this is entirely a personal opinion, maybe others feel differently), the show's commitment to its distinctive sound and use of music is still solid. I particularly appreciated the callbacks to season 1, obviously I Think We're Alone Now, but also by selecting Dead To The World in 4x06 for Five (I prefer In The Heat Of The Moment as a song, personally, but the choice was very clever). This is a show that I genuinely like to go listen to the soundtrack of after the season, and I intend to do that with this season as well (except for the Christmas stuff, I am not a big Christmas songs person).

The Cast - This is related to point one, but I really think 99% of the cast did they best they could with the material they had to work with.

Despite all my criticisms, I still found myself sad to be at the end of the journey. And I think that says something about the strength of these characters. A perfect journey? No. But one I'm still glad that I took.

My Criticisms

I want to start by saying that if I bother to critique something, that means I believe it has enough potential to be worth discussing. If it didn't, I absolutely would not bother. So while I think this is going to come off quite harshly, it is coming from a place of "I love what this show can be when it's at its best, and here's how I personally think we could have been closer to its best."

A lot of times when I write up my thoughts about a show, I start with my most specific criticisms, and as I examine those, it points me to a bigger underlying issue. Sometimes I work the other way around, thinking about the larger elements I have criticisms of, then searching out examples. But in this case, either way, I find myself ending up at the same place with the same issue, and that issue (perhaps ironically for this particular show) is time.

I believe the largest issue with season 4 is time management, crafting storylines that are interconnected and therefore justify their screen time, and pacing. Yes, I have some criticisms that could not be fixed with better time management, but a lot of my issues lead back to this. Pacing is always a tricky element, is at the top of many criticism lists of many shows, and has been at the top of my list for several shows I reviewed this year. Pacing issues seem to be cropping up more and more with streaming service based shows on all platforms, and I don't think that's coincidental. But, imo, Netflix is our best example.

One of the greatest strengths of Netflix Originals, back when they first started, was the guarantee of a full season before a cancellation. Because they had no feedback on a show before producing and releasing an entire season, there were no early mid-season cancellations. This allowed writers a little more room to stretch out, knowing they wouldn't walk into work the next day and be told they have 2 or 3 episodes to wrap up a story, or worse, wake up to just no job at all. So while the seasons were shorter, the time was guaranteed. Many of Netflix's early properties, particularly if their first season was successful, were greenlit for multiple seasons at a time, a practice which has been all but abandoned (Bridgerton and Stranger Things have been afforded this luxury in recent years, but few other shows). But as Netflix (and other streaming services) got its legs under itself, it came to realize that there was more profit in producing the first season of many shows, then cancelling all but the most successful. This epidemic of unfinished stories has been spreading rapidly. Now, not only does Netflix have an extremely high cancellation rate and rarely renews a show for more than a season at a time, it has also been shortening seasons, bringing down production costs, and trying to minimize risk and maximize "safe" profits. Minimizing risk in favor of maximizing safe profits rarely results in good art. Which explains a lot.

And so, unfortunately, I think The Umbrella Academy is a casualty of this increasingly mercenary system. Not only was it forced to make creative decisions with the constant threat of "This could be the end, but you won't know it until after it airs, so it also has to work as not the end," during the first three seasons, but though it got warning of its final season, it received a limited run to complete the show. Now, I can't fault anyone for wanting to write each season as a possible ending, considering how often Netflix cancels shows. Is this smart? Yes. Is this also limiting? Yes. And shows like The Umbrella Academy, with universes that become increasingly complicated with increasingly detailed lore, suffer quite a lot when trying to contain a story to each individual season. And finale seasons are particularly difficult. Expectations are high. Netflix's production model gives audiences years to build up their anticipation for the finale. Too much time to think, to pick holes in what has already been created, to cool to something they were once passionate about. Delivering a genuinely satisfying finale under these circumstances would be a daunting task.

But with all that being said. Season 4 only has 6 episodes, and it somehow manages to waste so much time. I don't know what's in the water over at Netflix, because I don't know if anyone knows how to waste limited time like Netflix does. If it weren't so irritating, it would almost be impressive.

The truth is, very few of the main characters really matter to the overarching plot of the season, which is a very weird choice, particularly in a final season. It's basically Ben, Jennifer (who we barely know and just met), Hargreeves, Abigail, and tangentially Viktor. Five & Lila are basically completely taken out of play for an episode and a half, where their actions have practically no relevance to the main plot, and the critical information Five gets while using his "new" power could easily have happened without this storyline. Luther & Diego are similarly sidelined by the CIA storyline. And, again, Klaus & Allison are occupied with a side plot that removes them from the main conflict of the season and does not tie in to the finale.

I do not mind the centering of Ben & Jennifer for a season of the show in theory, but with only 6 episodes to tell this story, I think it was a stretch to believe they had the time to do this plotline justice and waste so much time elsewhere. I don't know if this was solely a me issue, but I just... didn't care about Jennifer. I mean, sure, I rooted for her in a passive "she seems nice" kind of way, but even by the end we barely know anything about her. I can live with a "cosmic connection" insta-love situation between Ben & Jennifer (not my favorite trope, but it can be okay), but just because Ben instantly connects with Jennifer, that doesn't mean the audience does. And, to make matters worse, this version of Ben is one that we don't know that well, anyway. Like... his defining character trait is that he's mean and angry. I didn't mind that in season 3, as he was new to us and at odds with our protagonists for most of the season, but we don't really learn much new about him in season 4, either. The bit of Ben's history that we get is from Umbrella Ben, not Sparrow Ben. And Sparrow Ben's personality and history isn't touched on. Why is he like this? It's never explored, not beyond the shallow "the Sparrow Academy wasn't raised as the family that the Umbrella Academy was" that was established in season 3. The fact that we know so little about this version of Ben makes it harder for me to connect with him, as well. So to center these two characters in the final season, and then not even give us scenes to flesh them out as individuals, it just feels like such a waste of time. It didn't need to be Ben and Jennifer. In fact, it very much felt like it was only Ben and Jennifer because everyone has always wanted them to tie "the Jennifer incident" into everything. Again, I think this plot could work fine if given the correct amount of screen time, but as it is, it feels rushed and shallow. We might care about Sparrow Ben (might), but we don't have much reason to care about Jennifer.

Lack of direction - There are only six episodes in this season! Every minute needs to be used wisely. This should be the most focused of all the seasons, every storyline streamlined to tie into the finale of the show. Which is the opposite of what we got. For the vast majority of the show, nothing Klaus or Allison does matters. Nothing Diego or Luther does matters. Nothing Five or Lila does matters. Sure, those storylines touch on individual character development, but when you're planning to kill everyone off in a couple hours anyway, why are we starting down unconnected character arcs that are destined to be left hanging? Every bit of interpersonal character development should be written in a way that ties into the finale plot of the show, so scenes can pull double duty and maximize the limited time available. What was the purpose of Lila and Diego fighting (other than to physically separate them)? What did they learn? How did they change or grow? They didn't. They are split apart, sent down different dead end roads, only to be gathered back up in time to die. They speak words of understanding, but we don't actually get to see them learn or put those changes into practice.

I think about it this way- if Lila and Five had gotten lost into the weird limbo subway system and we never saw what happened to them, and instead they just reappeared from that adventure for the finale, would that fundamentally change anything about how the show’s main plot plays out? No. It wouldn’t. If Klaus had stormed off in 4x03 and Allison had gone after him and we’d never seen either of them again until the finale, would that fundamentally change anything about how the show’s main plot plays out? No. It wouldn’t. If Diego and Luther had gotten their CIA passes and walked into that building and vanished from the story until the final episode of the show, would that fundamentally change anything about how the show’s main plot plays out? No. It wouldn’t. Even Viktor, who is directly addressing the main plot point of Ben & Jennifer’s connection becoming apocalyptic, has very little impact on that storyline leading up to the finale. He speaks to Ben once, he insists on trying to save Ben, and spends the rest of the time working through personal issues with his dad or being attacked in a sequence that has no consequences. The conflicts that these characters encounter have very little bearing on the physical events of the show (they get shot at, they escape. They fight, they escape. They are chased, they escape) and what are the specific consequences? There aren’t any. Viktor gets to use his powers to save Hargreeves and gets shot (I think??) doing it, but he’s fine, and it doesn’t change their approach or goals in any way. Five and Lila are trapped together for years and have a romantic relationship, but then they “go home” and it doesn’t lead to any of the characters deeply changing or acting notably differently in the following events (Five and Diego fight at a bad time, we get a funny reaction from the other siblings, etc. but it doesn't change anything) and then it is never truly resolved. Luther and Diego go to the CIA and this plot is used as a vehicle to reveal the villainy of Five’s boss (so??), but ultimately Luther and Diego get a big fight sequence, learn very little, and take up a lot of screen time for a reveal that could easily have happened in seconds. None of their actions in this storyline blatantly effects the outcome of the show. And Diego feels set up for some character work, but all it really leads to is him being like "I get it," and that change never getting a chance to be actionable. Allison and Klaus reconcile, but only after a lot of screen time is spent on another side quest. Do they really change as people from this story? We don't know because there's not enough time to see. This is clearly not a legit substitution for actually addressing the issues between them, but we don’t have time to do that, either. Not to mention, the conflict between Klaus and Allison isn’t some slow burn issue. It’s doesn’t exist before this season. What is the point of any of these plot lines? Why send Allison and Klaus off together to resolve issues that we only just found out exist, when Allison has canonically been estranged from all of her other siblings since the events of season 3? That is blatantly an unresolved issue, but instead of using her screen time to address her season 3 actions, they create a whole new issue for her and Klaus to fight and then reconcile about. Wouldn’t it be much more interesting to see Allison and Viktor work through their issues once and for all? Or to address all of the ways Allison betrayed Luther in season 3? What about Klaus reconnecting with this version of Ben? What about Luther working through being betrayed by his father? What about Diego and Lila actually being parents? What about really getting to see how this life that Allison sold them all out for isn't even the dream she thought it would be? What if, instead of getting a montage of Lila & Five’s romance, we got a montage of Jennifer and Ben finding and destroying each other in many different worlds? You want to sell me on this tragic, cosmic connection between them? Okay. Sell me on it. Make it hurt. 

Five - I'm just going to be brutally honest here- I believe Five is the strongest driving force of the show and his sidelining in season 4 was a huge mistake. Five might not be the emotional core of The Umbrella Academy, but he is absolutely central and critical to what has worked well in previous seasons. And yet, in season 4, he's pushed to the side and basically written out of the main plot for half of 4x04 and all of 4x05. And then, even when he is around, he's lost a lot of the elements that make him a fan favorite. Let's talk about that- in season 1, Five's return and his mission is where it all kicks off. Yes, technically the inciting incident is Hargreeves' death, but gathering the family without Five's arrival would have been useless and led nowhere. Five drives the entire plot of season 1, while the rest of the siblings get character arcs around him. He makes things happen. He withholds information from his siblings and from the audience. Without him moving the plot forward and tying things together, season 1 would have been a disjointed mess. In season 2, we follow Five's attempts to reunite the family and fix yet another doomsday. Again, he is the one that pushes the plot forward, while the other siblings wander down various other storylines (which is not to say that they are not involved and don't contribute, just that they don't move the plot along to the same degree). In season 3, Five attempts to "retire," but pretty quickly he's back in the thick of things in search of answers and solutions. He is set against Hargreeves in an intellectual face off and is ultimately the one who pieces together the hotel's puzzle. He also discovers that he is, essentially, his own nemesis and behind a lot of what happened in previous seasons (a storyline that feels like it had a lot more to give, possibly, but is abandoned and explained away as "something a version of him did in some timelines,"). But in season 4, Five is... Well, he's suddenly not that relevant. He starts out fine, undercover and attempting to infiltrate The Keepers, and he does push the initial plot forward with his investigation, but then he just drops off the map (literally and figuratively). Five, who has always been the character to seek out answers and the character the audience trails through the bigger plot points of the story, is suddenly out of play. Now we're watching him wander around the multiverse (presumably for an attempt at character development, which ultimately falls flat) where he learns nothing important and falls unconvincingly in love with his brother's wife for an episode and half. Why? Because... they didn't know what to do with him? Honestly, I can't explain why. Five's acerbic wit, his tendency to be one step ahead of the audience, his cockiness, the uncanny personality that is a quirk of being an old man trapped in a young man's body, his absolutely brutal and ruthless methods to protect his family, and his cool fight scenes, it all just vanishes. Suddenly, for the first time, he feels the age of the actor. He feels erased long before he literally is. After 3 seasons of him having one of the coolest powers that leads to some of the coolest scenes, we're suddenly in a world where everyone else has some useful version of their power, while Five's kind of sucks. And like his teleporting power only reappearing at the very end (spurred on to save Lila specifically, rather than his family, because ???), Five's personality is frequently missing. Which leads me to-

Five and Lila - This may be a controversial opinion, but in concept this could have worked. Am I mad at the idea that two characters who are stuck together for years with no one else as company might fall in love, even if they're an odd pairing? No. Like I said, it's okay in concept. But only in concept. In reality, there was neither the time, nor the necessary casting to make this storyline hit properly. Regardless of Five's character's age, or the fact that his actor is (technically) an adult now, this felt flat out wrong to watch. Not only does Five still very much look like a teenager (inevitable, as while Aidan has aged over the course of filming the show, the age of young Five would now, still, vastly outstrip his real age of 20), but we also know that Lila was introduced to him as a child. Lila and Five meet in season 2, in which he is (physically) still a 13 year old boy, while Lila is an adult woman (considering she has the same birthday as the rest of the Umbrella Academy, this would put her at approximately 30 years old at this time). Yes, the exact ages of these characters is a bit messy to track, but no amount of text on the screen telling me so many years have passed is going to allow me to forget this detail, which makes this whole situation, at best, deeply uncomfortable. The fifteen year age gap between the actors is incredibly evident, and this romance is ultimately completely unnecessary for them to evolve in the (frankly minimal) ways that they do. They also pretty brutally sacrificed Diego's character for this. All of Diego's negative traits are cranked up to 100 this season, while Lila's are generally turned down to a low simmer (until she nearly dooms everyone to a meaningless death). While I don't think their relationship being on the rocks, or either of their character's struggle to fit into domestic life, is a bad idea, I again find myself questioning what the point of this storyline was for this particular season. We don't get much of a conclusion. Diego is basically a buffoon all season, Lila is less blatantly fucked up most of the time and also somehow less likable for it, and Five feels out of place in this storyline. Why did we do this? As far as I can tell, it's because they didn't have any other ideas to keep these characters busy while the actual plot happens around them. That's really not a good reason to blow up a dysfunctional but well liked dynamic (Diego and Lila) and never even bother to mop up the blood. And that leads me to-

Lila - Just, in general, I found myself asking "who in the writer's room is ridiculously obsessed with Lila, because that is the only explanation for any of this." For example, Klaus names everybody's problems and can't think of any real issues for Lila?? LILA? Her erratic, risk taking behavior and serious mommy/family issues are the most intensely Lila thing about her?? This is what her entire character is built upon? Why are we acting like she's not been a complete wildcard for the last two seasons?? Her new power doesn't make any kind of sense. Everyone else basically got some version of their old power back (and we eventually learn that Lila does have that power back as well, despite wildly underusing it), but now she has laser eyes.... Because? Her inability to properly control the laser eyes is funny, but also doesn't make any sense. In previous seasons we see Lila quickly adapt to using new powers only moments after acquiring them. If there is any one single person in this whole show who should have adapted to a new power immediately, it would be Lila. And somehow, for some reason, they center Lila during the finale conflict. Everything rests on her decision to stay or go. On her connection to her family (despite us barely seeing her in a room with them all season), instead of literally any of the main Umbrellas we've been following all along. And she gets the last line of dialogue from our main characters. We spend an extended sequence watching The Umbrella Academy slowly sacrifice themselves and Lila gets the last word?? And all of this is coming from someone who actually really loved Lila in seasons 2 and 3. She was one of my favorite characters coming into this season, but this... It just felt blatantly disrespectful to all the other main characters.

Everyone Dying is a Bummer - Okay, don't get me wrong, I'm not set against tragic endings in general, but... I don't think The Umbrella Academy earned this ending (at least not in this way). This idea of the world being better off without them, like they are a mistake that fundamentally ruins the world and must choose to sacrifice themselves in the name of saving humanity, that would (could) be fine. Except that it doesn't feel thematically well supported by the previous seasons, or even just season 4. At its heart, seasons 1-3 followed the ups and downs of Five's journey to save his siblings from the apocalypse, even though they are the ones to cause it. This is his entire goal. He wavers, he actively tries to walk away from this, but he cannot help himself, he always comes back around to this goal. This is what we buy into in season 1. So the idea that this is impossible and that they all must die anyway, feels antithetical to why we are asked to care in the first place. We haven't been asked to care about the world (not in any tangible sense). We watch random, innocent people, or vaguely antagonistic people, get killed in horrible ways left and right in the show and we are not asked to care. We're often asked to laugh. We care about them saving the world because we care about them saving the family, this dysfunctional group of oddballs. Sure, on a very basic and fundamental level we don't want humanity to be wiped out, but the humanity of the surrounding world is never deeply touched upon in the show. And their death wipes out infinite universes. We're told this is "right," but we don't tie any real emotional stakes to it.

Season 4, which centers around saving (or failing to save) Ben and Jennifer, around Viktor's desire to find another way because he loves his brother (even this version of him) and his siblings have always fought so hard to find another way because they love Viktor, asks us to care for these same reasons. Not for the world, but because we care about these particular characters. And the writers decide to sideline Five, whose centering I believe is absolutely essential to pulling off a "they must all die at the end" storyline to begin with. Why? Because he's the one who has fought so hard to save them. To have him not be at the center of the storyline where saving them is not possible makes absolutely no sense. Do I think that a final season where we follow Five coming to the conclusion that they are all doomed could possibly work? Yeah, if they had (and here it is again) the time to dig into that story and show us how he grapples with and fights that resolution tooth and nail until he cannot anymore (they point at it with the diner scene, but don't have the time to let us feel the weight of it). But they don't do that. We don't get to follow him throughout a season trying to cope with this impossible truth. Instead, he accepts that fate in a matter of onscreen minutes and with immediate resignation. (Yes, you could argue this is what he has been doing the last 3 seasons, but we're never truly given the impression that he is trying to prevent an absolute inevitability, only that he is trying to prevent a specific reality). It undermines the foundation of his character, and because Five is the driving force of the first three seasons, it undermines the foundation of those storylines as well. With the limited amount of time they were given to wrap up this show, instead of ending with a "everyone must sacrifice themselves" storyline, I would have, instead, centered Five's personal journey in season 4, which concludes with him realizing there can be one universe in which his family can all live, but only if he dies. They live, but he must sacrifice himself and be erased from existence so they will never mourn him, never know him, never know to be grateful. What could be more fitting for the show, more simultaneously sad and happy, than Five achieving what he set out to do in 1x01 and saving his family and that costing him everything?

Now... how to work that in and fill in some major plot holes at the same time? Well, I have some ideas, but I'm gonna save them for a different post, because while writing this review, I found myself re-outlining season 4 and trying to fix some of nonsensical elements of this season and if I get into that, it needs its own post. But I think it could be done. And speaking of nonsensical events.... Why do the Umbrellas have to die now? Like, logistically speaking, if The Cleanse is a necessary event and every single other world except the "perfect" timeline ends in apocalypse, then why can't they jump on that subway to a different universe where they have more time to be really, truly sure that's the only answer? At the very least they would have had a chance to really say goodbye to each other. We know there are plenty of universes where Ben & Jennifer both exist, there's no reason it has to be now. Since there are infinite "wrong" universes, they have all the time in the world. This is not a decision that has to be made exclusively in this moment, despite being portrayed that way. They don't die, The Cleanse doesn't work, they fact check their solution in a different universe, they get a chance to say their goodbyes, etc. etc. The urgency makes no sense. For that matter, why doesn't Five blip them all down to the subway where the show has already established in this season that time does not pass, so they can have a real conversation about this? There is literally no reason not to do this. They, quite literally, have a character who can take them to a timeless limbo where they can take as much time as they want/need to sort this out. They, quite literally, have that character take an entire family to this place, proving that he is capable of bringing a group of people there, and they don't use it.

It Doesn't Get Better - One of the major themes of Umbrella Academy is dysfunctional family and the way we cope (or don't) with childhood trauma. How burying that pain is destructive and hurts the people around us. And while I don't think the show's intent was to send the ultimate message of, "Actually, it doesn't get better, you'll never heal those wounds, and your existence is a destructive mistake," that's... kind of what it implies anyway. Throughout the whole show we explore the ways these characters are trying to work through the abusive household they grew up in, to move past the things that happened to them, and we watch them process and come together as a family and stand up against their abuser and grow into better versions of themselves and lose their way and pick each other back up. And then we're told that it doesn't matter because they all have to die. It sends a strange message. Personally, I think the show may not ever have intended to really send a message at all. It's absurd and irreverent and tragic and silly. It has never shied away from violence. It's always had a bit of a flippant nihilism hanging about it. And I think there is an argument for "People don't always get what they deserve. Sometimes they just get the short end of the stick and it sucks, but that's just how it is," being an underlying theme worth exploring. It's just... they don't really explore it, they just kind of dump it on us at the end. And because we don't have time to come to terms with this messaging (time, it's all about time), I think a lot of people feel like there's this bait & switch happening. For the last 3 seasons, we've been watching a show that is constantly addressing this childhood trauma and a toxic family dynamic, but then the end of that show is like "and all of these kids are a casualty of their abuser's arrogance and there was literally, not from the moment they were born, anything they ever could have done to grow away from that." It's pretty fucking bleak, to say the least.

Plot Holes For Days - There are more plot holes in this show than a block of Swiss Cheese. There are so many, that I'm still mentally trying to sort out an ending that feels... somewhat in the spirit of what season 4 was intending, and doesn't leave us up to our eyeballs in nonsensical plot points. For example- in The Umbrella's original universe, they already changed things so that they don't exist anymore long before the apocalypse. One of the major plot points of season 3 is that Harlan accidentally killed The Umbrellas' mothers before they were even born (obviously this is a paradox, as Harlan could never do that without meeting Viktor). But Hargreeves was still able to adopt Marigold enhanced children! Marigold kids were still born! We're told in 1x01 that 43 women spontaneously gave birth without having been pregnant, but we're supposed to believe that The Umbrellas, right here and now, have definitely got all of the Marigold in this universe? (And that doesn't even get into the questions surrounding the Marigold's presence in this world, since The Umbrellas did not bring it with them, we see no sign of other super powered versions of them existing in this universe, but if it didn't already exist here in some capacity and no children were born with these powers, then there's nothing inherently wrong with this universe, meaning the apocalypse wouldn't need to happen, and on and on and on. Like if all the Marigold was just in that jar and that counts as being in this world, then they could have just chucked that thing at Jennifer and bam, problem solved.) We know that in the original timeline Hargreeves didn't adopt all the Marigold children, because that's the entire point of Lila's backstory. And what about the other 35 women who spontaneously gave birth and those kids? So how could The Umbrellas possibly know if they are destroying all the Marigold by sacrificing themselves in this world? They can't know that. The existence of The Sparrows (and in another universe The Phoenix Academy) also implies that there could be many universes where The Umbrella kids don't all even exist, but other children were born with their powers, so specifically The Umbrella kids all dying isn't something that would need to be set in stone, since none of the other Marigold kids had to die for The Cleanse to work in this universe. Now, a lot of shows have plot holes or paradoxes or questions left at the end, and a lot of shows I would cut some slack. I'm even willing to ignore a lot of the smaller plot holes in this show, but this is the culmination of the entire series, the explanation for what must happen and why, and the justification for all our main characters being wiped out, and it just doesn't hold up under more than a moment's scrutiny. And that, imo, is a pretty big problem.

Gene & Jean/Villains - So, on a slightly lighter note, another thing that I don't have a problem with in concept is Gene & Jean. They're weird and quirky, as all Umbrella Academy villains seem to be, and I love both actors. It's just that season 4 has a serious problem with its villains in general. That is, there are too many of them and their plans are too convoluted. The ultimate villains being in some way connected back to Hargreeves (and specifically Abigail, who up until this point has had very little to justify her existence in the show) makes sense to me. But the absolutely convoluted mess that is The Keepers cult led by Gene & Jean being at odds with Hargreeves' men who are hiding Jennifer, being at odds with Abigail masquerading as Sy Grossman and then as Gene (I still don't understand why she needed to kill Gene or Jean, like Gene & Jean were already trying to bring about The Cleanse, why is she infiltrating them??), instead of using her resources/position as Hargreeves' wife, is ridiculously messy. The person I watched this season with actually asked me after 4x04 if I had any idea what was happening because they were completely lost. Generally, I am pretty patient about how a show shares information. I always assume that I am picking up what they're putting down, and if I don't understand something, I will when I'm supposed to. That... didn't always feel like the case to me this season. I don't think it was so much that it was hard to follow, but that it just didn't make a lot of sense. The "why" for so many character actions, but particularly the villains, just never fully materializes. Abigail and Hargreeves' sides are fighting in this season, with him attempting to prevent the apocalypse and her trying to bring it about... But what is the justification for the completely convoluted nonsensical path it takes to get there? She seems to have plenty of power over Hargreeves when the kids visit. Why does she need to infiltrate The Keepers? Why do The Keepers need to exist at all? It's just a coincidence that they have the same goals as Abigail? If she actually started them, then I assume she would have installed herself into the organization and not needed Gene to infiltrate it. I don't understand her choices. There were many, many simpler ways to get where they ended up.

So... it's not as if The Umbrella Academy is the first show to do this ending. In fact, one of my favorite shows of all time does this ending (not mentioning it by name because that would be a massive spoiler, obviously). I think this ending is completely possible to pull off. But I also am neither convinced from an in-universe logical point, nor from a storyteller's point, that it earned this ending. Did I want it to be a happily ever after? No. I don't think that would fit tonally with the show. But I wanted it to feel necessary, truly inevitable, and both physically and thematically, I don't buy that it was.

My advice to anyone who was starting this show for the first time would have to be, "don't think too hard about it," because ultimately, if you do it will crumble. Just enjoy the vibes and the bickering and the comedy and strangeness. There's no point in asking too many questions. And for some people, that's totally okay. That's enough. I'm just (shockingly) not one of those people.

So, if you're still with me, I'd love to hear what you guys think. Did you feel emotionally fulfilled? Were there particular plot points you loved or hated? What was your favorite musical choice of season 4? Should I release my redesigned season 4 outline? What ending would you have chosen? I'm open to all opinions! I don't agree with all opinions, but I will very much consider them.

[gabessquishytum]

Okay, admittedly I would love to see the fandom play more with the idea of Teacher!Hob where he's in charge of younger students. Like he works in a secondary education school and clearly has a lot of beef with 15-17 year olds bc the comedy potential is there!

He comes home after a hard day and ofc Dream is there to comfort him and listen, but he doesn't have a traditional day job like Hob does and has to imagine what a teenager could possibly do or say that sets his love off like that. Even if it's just a teenager calling him "my guy" or "bruh". He also has to keep his mouth shut when Hob starts complaining about how bratty the younger generations are when Hob clearly is the brat in the relationship.

He also needs to get used to having date nights postponed or canceled bc he needs to grade these projects, and the worksheets he gave out to bolster their grades which just ended up being double the amount of work lol. Dream ends up spending a lot of evening just kinda having to seethe from the couch as he watches Hon grade work that was clearly half assed when they were supposed to be having a romantic night out.

The piece de resistance is Dream coming around during Family Night or some other open school event that Hob has to chaperone bc some other teacher bailed on them and he'd rather have Dream there to keep him company as he runs around trying to keep students from setting the place on fire. But there he can see how much the students respect him for being kind and calm during moments where they definitely aren't and fully trying to help every kid succeed. They joke around and make fun of him because they're comfortable being themselves and look up to him. Though he wishes they would stop making fun of him and stick to Hob, bc teenagers are mean.

- 🤜 Anon

I also really jam with Hob as a secondary school teacher!! I think he’d HATE the curriculum. But I’ve looked closely at the papers he’s marking in episode 6, and they look a lot like high school tests to me. So there’s a solid basis to headcanon him teaching younger kids.

I love this because Hob absolutely would have beef. On the one hand he’s a cool teacher, he’s chill about music in class and letting the kids sit with their friends IF they behave themselves. On the other hand he can get pretty scary if he’s riled up. The general consensus is that Mr Gadling is cool, but don’t piss him off.

Dream secretly enjoys Hob’s stories from work. He tries not to go on too much because he doesn’t want Dream to think he’s boring, but sometimes he goes on a rant, or tells a long winded story and Dream gets this super soft look in his eyes. Hob also does stuff like supervising the debate club, and he definitely isn’t afraid to debate with some of the more confident kids. Or the teachers. Because he DEFINITELY has beef with some of the people in the staff room…

Honestly once Dream meets the kids, he doesn’t know how Hob handles being around teenagers all day. They’re mean!! And Hob just laughs and seems kind of proud that he’s being teased, like it’s a badge of honour? Truthfully Hob deserves a raise for all he tries to make life a little better and easier for his students. Dream decides he’s gonna do his bit towards supporting teachers, and give Mr Gadling a blowjob when they get home <3

(At school after family night, Hob gets so much shit about his “pretty boyfriend”. The kids generally agree that “he’s way out of your league, sir”.

And honestly, Hob agrees. He’s still glowing from last night <3)

[martian-hermit]

On the topic of The Bear again, the more I learn about Carmy, the more I find myself relating to him in multiple ways. I recognize that isn’t necessarily a good thing, but interesting to talk about regardless.

The most relatable thing about Carmy for me is the fact that he is apprehensive about allowing himself to enjoy things or indulge in anything fun because he’s scared of it being ruined. While it’s super depressing, it’s unfortunately an extremely relatable part of his character. The saying “all good things must come to an end,” once being words of wisdom eventually became a warning to me because of a lot of enjoyable things in my life being tainted or entirely destroyed has caused a sort of subconscious apprehension to joy. Obviously Carmy’s reasons for this and mine are different but the overarching idea is the same, I can’t allow myself to enjoy something because it’ll end horribly anyway. What’s worse is the effect that has on relationships of any kind. Simply withholding the feeling of happiness from yourself really shows to other people, and it’s a guaranteed way to end any relationship (platonic or otherwise) you ever have. It’s happened plenty of times, and it’s self sabotage, but you ultimately continue doing it because you feel safer.

Next major point of relatability I have to Carmy is his extreme awkwardness. He is exceedingly bad at articulating his emotions and even worse at conveying how he feels to people if he allows himself to do so at all. With all that, he usually just stays quiet. This is a part of his personality I unfortunately possess as well. My inability to convey my thoughts or emotions to people effectively leads me to simply avoid doing so entirely, and the way I talk to people often comes off as dismissive because I am absolutely horrible in conversation. The biggest consequence of having a major character flaw like this is that you often internalize everything, from every thought you couldn’t pitch in conversation to all of the things you bottle up despite desperately wanting to connect with people, you’re prone to outbursts. Thankfully mine are nowhere near as drastic as Carmy’s, but they definitely exist. While it could be cathartic in the moment, it’s absolutely devastating to see the effects afterward.

Lastly, it’s not as specific as the others above, but it’s more about the general state of Carmy’s social life and why I feel for him because I’ve got a similar issue. Carmy’s stated in the show that he never had relationships and he just had less and less friends as time went on, which hits extremely close to home for me. While I have had a relationship in the past and that’s not the same between Carmy and me, the having less friends over time is absolutely true. It’s a pretty typical experience to have short lived friend groups throughout school, but you still have friends regardless. Most people graduate and still have friends from high school or college that they keep around, and sometimes make friends through mutual friends or through work. I used to have friends, but over time my group got smaller and smaller until there was no one. As Carmy states at Al-anon, “the more people I cut out, the quieter my life got.” Only difference is I didn’t cut people out, but they cut me out, which is devastating. On top of all that, Carmy ruins his relationship with Claire because of his rambling about how he thinks their relationship was a waste of time. Sometimes I feel the same way about the last person I was genuinely interested in being around, but mostly regretful about ruining it. Ultimately, another really shitty aspect of Carmy’s character that I unfortunately relate to deeply.

I think the relatability of his character is one of the biggest reasons why I really loved the show. And despite Carmy often being a complete ass, I still root for him a lot. Because I don’t wanna see him worse off or to fail because if I can see him succeed, it feels like encouragement, like someone’s telling me “if someone you relate to and are similar to can improve and succeed, so can you.” It’s really powerful stuff, especially when you listen to his monologue. You feel for him, and if you’re unfortunate, you relate to him. And maybe that’s why Carmy is one of the most influential characters in fiction I’ve ever seen. It’s because there’s multiple parts of his character that I have personally. I felt called out by some of the shortcomings Carmy has, and that was a huge wake up call.

[bugsimmer]

◇ musical legacy challenge

I wanted to try and make my own legacy challenge since this community is full of so many incredible ideas. This challenge is only five generations and not composed of my all-time favs, but these were the shows I could come up with plots for. If people like this one, I’d consider making a part 2 though!! I also have all the packs so feel free to amend this to fit your packs or play style!!

Gen #1: Loser Geek Whatever

Aspiration: Friend of the World

Traits: Childish, Geek, Jealous

Career: Tech Guru, E-sports Gamer branch

Summary: You were always the loser as a child. You never had many friends and always longed for more: Connection, popularity, attention. You spent most of your life playing video games, but now, as a Young Adult, you are determined to broaden your social circle and become cool. Rules: You must max the Tech Guru career (E-sports Gamer branch) and max the video gaming and charisma skills. Complete the Friend of the World aspiration and have at least one child. Bonus: Use a color scheme of purple, blue, and green. Have a difficult or distant relationship with your child(ren). Pine endlessly for a friend your whole Young Adult life, and only marry them into Adulthood. 

Gen #2: What Baking Can Do

Aspiration: Appliance Whiz

Traits: Ambitious, Foodie, Family Oriented

Career: Running a food stand

Summary: Your parent was always so busy with their many friends, and you missed out on a lot of important teaching moments. As a Young Adult, you marry someone you aren’t very compatible with and end up expecting a child with them. Not wanting to raise a child in your current environment, you work your ass off baking and cooking for your food stand to make enough money to leave your spouse and give your child a good life. Rules: You must be married as a Young Adult and divorce them. Max the baking, cooking, and gourmet cooking skills. Have only one child with your ex. Getting re-married is optional, but you must not have any children with your new spouse. You must run a food stand as your main source of income (having part-time jobs as a teen or while initially in your marriage is fine, but once you decide to leave, get baking!) Bonus: Use a color scheme of pink, yellow, and light blue. Have a permissive relationship with your child. If your food stand becomes too easy to manage, open your own restaurant!

Gen #3: Waving Through a Window

Aspiration: Freelance Botanist

Traits: Gloomy, Loves Outdoors, Socially Awkward

Career: Writer

Summary: Your parent was good to you, but you always knew the sacrifices that they made for you, which left you with the anxiety to succeed. But you don’t want to do anything ground-breaking…You just want to nurture your plants! Rules: Max the gardening and writing skills. Join the writing career, become a freelance writer, or simply write books and publish them. This should be your main source of income, but you can also sell your plants for extra money. You don’t have to get married, but you can, and you can have as many kids as you want. Bonus: Use a color scheme of blue, black, and white. Max the flower arranging skill. Tell a lot of lies to everyone, including your friends, family, spouse, and children. Write only fictitious stories for your career.

Gen #4: I Might Be Beautiful

Aspiration: Admired Icon / Successful Lineage

Traits: Neat, Party Animal, Perfectionist

Career: Lawyer

Summary: After seeing how terrible your parent’s social skills are, you vow to never be like them. You spend your teen years desperate to be admired, throwing parties and keeping up with all the trends. You befriend and date some toxic people, and come out the other end a little traumatized, but overall a better person. You pursue a career in law, leaving your mischievous and crazy past behind you, but you still enjoy a good party now and then. Rules: Complete the Admired Icon teen aspiration. Max the charisma, logic, and research & debate skills. Max the Law career in whichever branch you choose. You don’t have to get married and you can have as many children as you want. Bonus: Use a color scheme of red, yellow, green, and blue. Have a toxic ex from your teen years. If you have the Extreme Violence mod, go crazy.

Gen #5: The Room Where It Happens

Aspiration: Fabulously Wealthy

Traits: Ambitious, Genius, Self-Assured

Career: Politician

Summary: Your parent wanted to have a successful lineage, and you are determined to fulfill their wish. You want to make a positive change in the world, but your intelligence and ambition often intimidate people, so relationships aren’t always easy for you. You become a politician and pour yourself entirely into your career, finding seldom time for socialization and hobbies, but you don’t mind too much. Rules: Max the Politician career, as well as the the charisma and writing skills. Complete the Fabulously Wealthy aspiration. Get married and have at least two children. Have an affair and win your spouse back. Bonus: Use a color scheme of gold and black. Try to have as many kids as possible. Die in a stupid way.

[cowboymenace]

T-Shirt Salesman Makes Embarassing Return

At All In 2023, CM Punk would ruin his second chance run in a company willing to give him everything by starting a backstage scuffle. He seemed gone from wrestling in general, but his truest believers hoped and coped that he would show up in November 25 Survivor Series in Chicago. It was a funny prospect knowing that several company line towers like Seth Rollins and Booker T would have to swallow a bitter pill, Cody Rhodes's story will most likely not be finished this Wrestlemania, and some poor title holder will lose their belt to him. As funny as it may be, I still did not want it to happen.

Punk spent 9 years griping and complaining about his time in the WWE. He took potshots when he could, sometimes taking a moral stance when doing so. For example, he would tweet about how abhorrent it was for the WWE to work with Saudi Arabia.

The tweet is now deleted.

His signing with AEW was a massive shock, but it makes sense. AEW feels like something that was for wrestling fans by wrestling fans, and the guy who presented himself as the voice of the voiceless seemed like a good fit. His first few programs were rock solid affairs. Everything was going fine until one bad back n forth town hall battle.

Hangman Adam Page would make sneak references to CM Punk and Colt Cabana which would be something Punk would tuck into the back of his mind. Then you add his foot injury, his mood began to really sour. CM Punk would have one of my favorite title matches with Jon Moxley at All Out, I was reassured that he would be back and stable. Then all hell broke loose.

Everything about this has been said, but this is still the craziest thing I've ever seen. A top star having an end all be all meltdown and completely killing Kayfabe. At this point, I thought he was done as he got suspended indefinitely. Months pass and suddenly a sign that CM Punk was coming back (again) but this time with his own show. To be honest, I think AEW should have a second show to give their large roster some time, and it has that vibe. You got guys like Andrade, House of Black, Bullet Club Gold, and Ricky Starks evolving themselves. Jokingly, it was the show for people who had too much beef with people on Dynamite, Thunder Rosa and CM Punk to be exact. Again, everything was going fine until nepotism hire Jack Perry provoked notoriously easy to provoke CM Punk.

Another backstage altercation occurs. CM Punk is fired. Young Bucks do a victory lap off air in front of a collision crowd (ratings for that show are in the dumps by the way, to give you an indication for some of the EVP's priorities). It seemed like CM Punk was gone for good.

Everyone scoffed at the idea of Punk going back to the WWE. Why should he return? The same company that hosted a video with weird zooming in on his ass to prove he didn't have a staph infection

The same company that sent him his termination papers on his wedding day. The same company that down played his value because he wasn't the guy they chose to be the main top star. It just tells everyone who believed that he has convictions that he is a massive mark for himself. What, suddenly the company that mistreated you is gonna give you top star treatment? The guy who you specifically mentioned as the primary actor who's goal was to make sure you don't succeed is in charge! CM Punk does not realize he is Charlie Brown, Triple H is Lucy, and the football is a main event at Wrestlemania.

I'm certain Punk will make good money during this run, it's a guarantee. The man who once said 20 million is enough now says otherwise. The only thing that isn't certain is how much will Punk tolerate? Will Punk keep his mouth shut as a trainer hands him a Zpak? Will Punk work the schedule he once bemoaned? How sturdy is his body that seems to be crumbling? He is in his 40s now, how much further does he have? He probably hasn't considered those questions, he's too preoccupied with how many T-shirts he is going to sell.

[david-powers-simp]

Quiet night in 🌙

David x gn reader

A/n: Ok this is a self-indulgent fic. I wrote this 100% for myself, so the writing is shit. but I felt like you guys might enjoy reading it, so here we go. There is little to no plot here it's just fluff, honestly. David picks the reader up from her shitty retail job, then they both enjoy a nice night in. Nothing much other than that. So I hope you peeps enjoy.

Warnings: none really just fluff and some cussing. the other boys do make a short appearance. Also this is not proofread, so there that as well.

" im so done with this shit." You say as you step outside, leaving your job. You worked the night shift at a general store in santa carla. It wasn't the worst job, but it was still pretty shitty.

You start to walk down to the boardwalk, one of your favorite places to frequent. The night breeze was warm and comforting as it engulfed you. You heard the sounds of people laughing, carnival music, and what sounds like metal jingling coming from behind you.

You immediately know what that sound is and who it's coming from. But you decide to play along. You start to walk faster, and just as you suspect, you hear the pair of boots from behind you speed up. You know this could go on for hours. So you start slowly down, and sure enough, so does the mystic figure. However, you feel a presence coming closer accompanied by two strong arms wrapping around your waist.

You turn around to greet your handsome stalker. He's exactly who you expected. It's david.

" Hi sugar, you look like you could use a ride." He says as he takes a cigarette from behind his ear and lights it.

" You know I always do. " You say as you take his leather clad hand.

You two had been together for a while now. But time didn't matter any moment spent with david was pure bliss.

David turned on his heels to go back to where he parked his bike. It was a normal occurrence for david to pick you up after work he liked seeing you any chance he got. The familiar sound of david's spurs start jingling as he walks. He takes a few puffs of his cigarette. The walk is nice and quiet until david asks.

" how was work?"

" it was alright, I few customers were assholes but all in all, it was not the worst." You shrug.

He tosses his cigarette butt to the ground.

"Mhm, you could always quit so you don't have to deal with dumb asses." He suggests.

" Maybe I will." You tell him. " but I don't know then how would I afford anything? I need money."

" Do what I do. Steal anything you need or want." David tells you.

You laugh. " I would get caught in a heartbeat, but thank you for the confidence you have in me."

" I'll teach you if you want." He offers.

You both come to a stop when david approaches his bike. He takes his keys out of his pocket, gets on the bike, and starts the engine. You use his shoulders to stabilize yourself. You swing your leg over the bike, then you wrap your arms around davids waist. In anticipation of him starting to drive.

" You ready, baby?" He asks, revving the engine.

" Absolutely, go fast, my love." You instruct.

" As you wish." That was the last thing he said before speeding down the boardwalk. Going as fast as he can to take you both back home.

The ride was wild. Very exhilarating. Just what you needed after a long night at work. You can hear david laugh as he navigates the winding path to the cave. He always loved a challenge, especially ones he knew he'd succeed at.

It's not long before you both arrive at the cave. You hop off the bike and david follows. You both step inside the cave. It's oddly quiet. Most of the time, you would hear either paul blasting his boom box , Marko talking with his pigeons, or dwayne reading to laddie. Suprising, you heard utter silence. The boys must have gone out.

" Did the boys go out?" You ask.

" I asked them to. So we could have the place to ourselves, I knew you would want quiet after work." David replies while grabbing his lighter and lighting a torch on fire to toss in one of the metal drums to illuminate the cave. He then walks over to one of the couches and flops down.

You smile at his reply before going over and sitting next to him. David snakes an arm around you, pulling you into his lap. David was always affection, but he definitely was when it was just you and him. Sure, he still was the strong silence type, but he always made sure you knew how much he loved you.

" You are very sweet, you know that." You tell him while playing with his hair something he only let you do. Anyone else to touch his hair has lost a hand.

David smiles his sly smile. " Am I? Most humans think im terrifying. "

" That's because most humans you interact with, you eat. But i find you quite dazzling. " You reply with a giggle.

" I fucking love you. " he mumbles into your neck. " I know I don't tell you enough, but I do love you very much." Since the two of you met, David has struggled to voice his love for you, not that he doesn't love you because he does. He loves you more than anything. However, david was never taught how to voice his emotions whatsoever that being said, and he struggles with telling you he loves you, but he always makes sure he holds you or touches you so you know how much he cares and how much he needs you.

You can't help but grin. " I love you too, baby. I always will." You say as you grab his hands to interlock your fingers together. " I like nights like this."

" Me too, doll. We should do it more often." David says, leaving kisses on your jawline.

You rub his shoulder. Anyway, to show him that you adore him . Your fingers travel up his neck and to his chin to pull him to face you. David, let's you move him as you wish. He looks at you with his mesmerizing blue eye. He knows what you want, so why keep waiting. David leans in and kisses you. It's soft and sweet he's gentle with you. He knows how to please you, and he prides him to make sure he does. He moves you closer to him so he can deepen the kiss.

" ew what the fuck david you kicked us out so you could bone that's disgusting man."

You both are rudely interrupted by paul's comment. David pulls away from you, huffing at his brother.

" Paul, you are a cockblock. I hope you know that." You say sitting on davids lap.

" What are you doing her paul?" David asks visibly annoyed.

" Well, we wreaked havoc on the boardwalk for a while, but laddie is tired, so we came back to put him to sleep. Just then, dwayne entered with a sleepy laddie in his arms. Dwayne just nodded towards your direction before walking to laddie's bed to lay him down. Marko walked in next.

" See paul, I told you we should have just waited and came back in another hour." Marko stated, acting serious.

" You did not! Your the one who dared me to come back earlier!" Paul shouted back at Marko.

David groaned in frustration. " Well it was nice while it fucking lasted."

" it really was baby well have to do it more often." You say lightly laughing at your vampire lover's expression.

" Maybe next time we can actually have a quiet night in." David sassed. While you lay on his chest, tucking your arms into his sides. As he places his hands on your back. The rest of the night was filled with laughter and chaos from the boy and grumbles from david, but you wouldn't have it any other way you had a family even if that family was a little crazy sometimes.

Well my peeps there you have it. I hope you enjoyed it I definitely enjoyed writing it I feel like it's kinda all over the place but idk really I think it's decent enough. So until next time my besties take care and drink your water. 🩷💫

[dirtreally]

playing through every fuckinggg vvideo game with gay bitches in it to try and salvage the last 2 weeks of my break. effortpost incoming

potionomics:

kind of insane how high effort the presentation is. the past ten years have been leading up to a kind of cultural dominance of Matte 3D (spiderverse, borderlands, arcane, and every work trying to cop the vibe of any of these three things) so even though this is literally the thing that Matte 3D was supposed to be a break from it still feels refreshing to see an incredibly high effort well-arted-out Shiny 3D thing that splits the difference between "looks like anime" and "looks like a western thingy tryna be anime" really well. of course with shit like The Super Dope And Viral Digital Circus becoming skibidi level popular i can only assume that we're gonna get ten years of Shiny 3D coming up and the ouroboros devours its own tail but right now it still feels fresh in the moment

that being said mannnnnnnnnnn fuck all the stupid ass characters in this game. the writing in this game has the unenviable task of like. trying to sound Whoalsome (cuz it has to market itself that way) while being not as annoying as like when cartoons and games and shit do le quirky dialogue (cuz if you do that now people yell at you on twitter) and for the most part it succeeds but it kind of doesnt matter when every single fuckinggggggg social link conversation is about like your adventurer friend telling you how they feel imposter syndrome about being in a fantasy rpg guild before asking you Okay But Really Though How Can I Contribute To Woke Capitalism While Prompting Reform As A Budding Small Business Owner In Dragontown❓ Awful. you can be gay and have one of several epic girlfriends in this but even after all that they only talk about how they are choosing to work with small clients with their marketing firm (not a joke) fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuc kkkkkk. they dont even show up when you win the fucking potionomics tournament so who cares.

half the steam reviews are bitching about the day limit thing which is fucking insane to me. the game is extremely generous with your time and the day limit at least sets your ass on fire a little bit which is the only uncomplicated positive emotion thsi game gave me. you might fuck up the first 10-day cycle once or twice but if you can clear that you can do the whole game. i maxed out all the social links and ccleared everything and It Was Fine. also there's a really scary egyptian stereotype character.

summon night swordcraft story:

i played this shit because i saw hazel talk about it being surprisingly gay ina video then i play it and if you do the personality quiz at the start of the game good your summonable creature is just straight up a woman who wants to fuck you. so then i watch the hazel video again and she didnt even get or mention that character. crazy.

anyway the summonable woman thing is kind of fucking epic especially with how played straight it is b ut also really funny to think about. every single other character summons like a cute stage 1 digimon type creature to help them out in battle and the creatures all fuck off when they're not fighting but your thing is a human woman with her tits out who just walks around with you all the time who wants you to fuck her (ESPECIALLY IF YOURE A WOMAN!!!!!!) all the time. i want to imagine that all the other ccharacters are like either incredibly mad or uncomfortable about this but just choose not to say anything about it.

i played this shit on a gba emulator on my phone while chilling on my bed and straight up if i got a steam deck and could play video games on my bed or while lying down it would bef ucking over for me. i would never get up. i think at this point its kind of essential for me that video games require the suck ass task of sitting on an ikea chair to be able to be played. either way its incredibly mechanically and textually light so its kind of perefect to be played while dicking around On Da Phone. the story is extremely standard jrpg but it is a little sweet that for the protagonist, becoming stronger is directly conflated with becoming kinder to other people and learning more about her world. again not the craziest thing in the world but its sweet

apparently da sequel is also gay but i kind of cannot be bothered to wwant to play it because the protag isn't as sauced up as this fucking girl. complete perfect harmony of artstyle and character design and the gba making all the art crunchy

ITS FUCKING PRATTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i usually do the thing of naming every rpg protag with my name whenever i play these things b ut this bitch has so much personality just thru her portrait and vibes alone that i stuck w the default name. idk i am extremely charmed by her shapes

crymachina

this shit looks soooo fucking good what the fuckkkkkk. i posted before about how it looks like the renders they used to have on the boxes of graphics cards but it really is Like That. most of it is still filtered through the lens of extremely NIS-america/JAST japanese enthusiast B-game jank but still. the prerendered cutscenes in this are straight up my favourite part of the game they are straight up gorgeous. god tier anime girl 3d artism

the aesthetic and story are both kind of insane hi-concept sci-fi bullshit to the point where i kind of have to salute it no matter what just for swinging that hard and high. extremely weird pacing and it feels like it got truncated at some point and a bunch of the stuff that was meant to be in the game got put inside some of the stupid ass nier-weapon-story-type things this game has. for the record i hate when any video game does thiis cuz eevery single weapon story is like. okay i spent 10 minutes looking for it but there's a meme with a nier weapon story screen and its like

Weapon story 1:

Girl:I am having heart surgery

Boy: I know... I love you

Weapon story 2:

After surgery when the girl woke up, with only her father next to her

Weapon Story 3:

Girl: Where is he???

Weapon story 4:

Father: who do you think gave you the heart?????

it's completely fucking insane to me that people will make fun of fallout skeletons and skyrim journals and shit like that as if this isn't on the exact same level

anyway its pretty good and like. blatantly about being a gay bitch on e very thematic level its kind of crazy. really fun game to think about. i don't like one of the artistic decisions made regarding one of the late-game twists but whatever. The way you unlock the final ending is one of the most fun ways to do it ive ever seen and i was incredibly pleased when i figured it out. the gameplay in every other aspect is extremely perfunctory but the way you unlock the final ending is kidn of just incredibly pog-worthy in a way that you can't really feel if you just watch a video or read a description of it, especially if you figure it out yourself.

THATTTTTTTTTTT BEING SAIDDDDDDDDDDDDD i think the ending is just Fine. I think i have a built in brain immunity or something to like. specifically sci fi video games cuz i saw this had the same thing as nier automata where a lot of people were going on about Auuuuuuu Fuckkkk I Cried At The Endddd So Crazyyyy but when i hit the final end i was just like Hruh That's It??? and spent like 10 minutes making sure if that was the final final for realsies ending. idunno man.

but also overall i still really liked this game and i still think it is extremely bold for what it does so if youve read this far and have 60-ish dollars to throw around you should absolutely buy it at its stupid ass japanesegameonsteam price cuz i wanna see more crap in the Cry_____ vein (crymachina was made after crystar which like. shares loose Vibe Associations but as far as i can tell is otherwise completely unrelated) and just more games that make as many crazy ass aesthetic decisions as this one. either way im definitely gonna keep an eye on what furyu puts out after this

ok thats it. im gonna try mary skelter 2 now hopefully i dont die

[owlbeanies]

A quick rundown of the naruto fanfic i've been rotating around my brain for the past couple of months.

More or less during the kanabi mission Obito gets yoinked instead of Rin. She unable to convince Kakashi to halt the mission to save him, and by the time they complete it-- its too late. The trail has gone cold. everyone assumes he's dead...

He isnt.

Obito is now a prisoner of war. He spends not an insignificant amount of time in an enemy prison, dreaming of the day of his escape. He makes multiple plans but security is tight and he knows damn well he will never walk out that gate on his own.

So he sets his sights to plan B. Whats plan B? Desperately trying to recreate the hiraishin so he can quite literally throw himself out of there.

unfortunately Obito doesn't really know jack shit about seals. He had basic sealing lessons sure-- but do you really think his adhd ass retained any of it? No. And whats worse is that he doesn't really remember the make up of the hirashin either. Like he knows the general shape of it. He could probably fake a decent look-alike, but that doesn't help in the function department.

Well... thanks to vast amounts of stress (and more than just threats a of torture) he succeeds! He makes a seal that actually works and escapes.

Through a long string of events he ends up running into(and subsequently helping) a few akasuki memebers. He ends up joining because they're hiding him, and if he doesn't his ass is going back to prison.

His environment is far from stable considering he(an uchiha) is in a war torn RAIN, but at least he can breath a little. He takes the chance to smooth out some of the kinks in his cool new Hiraishin recreation. This catches the attention of multiple people, with the rain trio being some of them. They decide to swing by just to see what all the hubbub is about in regard to their newest member.

Obito is bragging, and is absolutely showing off his cool new technique.

amazed they ask him how it works.

Obito shows them.

Nagito takes one fucking looks at that seal, kneels over, and dies(not really).

Yahiko is confused. Where is the seal? Obito points. Yahiko stares.

Now let it be known that Yahiko isnt exactly the most knowledgeable person when it comes to seals, but he was trained by Jiraiya. And by gods is that not a fucking seal. He tells Obito so. That is the most chicken-scratch scribble of nothing he has ever laid eyes upon.

Obito is offended.

It is too a seal! and look he says, it has many other features that the hiraishin doesn't have which makes it even better. Such as exploding when he forces too much chakra into it.

Yahiko points out that he could just attach a paper-bomb to his kunai. In fact doing so would not only be less draining but also better in every imaginable way.

Obito disagrees, for the coolness factor of his seal far outweighs that of a paper-bomb.

Yahiko points out that his seal doesn't have a locking mechanism. There's nothing stopping anyone from stealing the kunai and using it without Obito's permission.

Well, Obito clicks his tongue because he how dare he, the amount of chakra that must be used is extremely finicky. If they don't use the exact amount of chakra it wont work, as you can see from it exploding from being overloaded.

what happens if not enough chakra is applied?

well... obito has never tried. So he cant say for certain. But if he had to hazard a guess its nothing good. (they are violently torn apart and only maybe put back together in a somewhat correct order depending on how much chakra is being used.)

Needless to say no one wants anything to do with Obito's cool new seal anymore...

[felinefrenzies]

Planet Hunter || Syd & Daiyu

TIMING: last month or so. LOCATION: in the woods somewhere. PARTIES: @bountyhaunter & @felinefrenzies SUMMARY: daiyu runs into syd who is not the most clothed while in a tree. CONTENT WARNINGS: drug use (mentions, but no actual drug use done-- used as an excuse)

“What the fuck–” Syd shifted to the side, heart leaping up her throat as her hand found nothing to grasp. With quick thinking, she grabbed the branch above her head, pulling herself upward to keep from toppling over the side. She peered down, pained by the distance between herself and the ground. “Dude,” she hissed at her jaguar, pounding her chest with a fist, “can you stop depositing me in trees?” There was no response (because of course there wouldn’t be). She was naked, (not afraid), and stuck in a tree. It wasn’t the typical way she liked to start her mornings, but there wasn’t much she could do to veer off from it. Syd stared down at the ground for a moment longer before heaving a sigh. 

The only way luck had been on her side was that instead of The Common, it seemed as though she was on some far off trail. Syd strained her ears, listening for the telltale sound of cars, people, or generalized foot traffic of other beings. She only caught hint of one– no, two. Two feet, and four. Somebody walking their dog? She froze, pushing herself further against the trunk of the tree, wincing as the branch below her began to creak. God, her ass was going to be sore after this. She maneuvered herself down a branch, quickly and quietly rounding to the other side so that she could use it as somewhat of a shield. 

—

It was time to be a hero. A bounty for a Baukbear had made its way onto the board, marked with notes of emergency and many red exclamation points. Someone’s loved one had been turned into its prey and there was a chance they were still alive. Daiyu had taken up the assignment immediately, motivated by the money that was promised and maybe also a little by the promise of saving a human. The work she did for the Good Neighbors was mostly preventative, after all, and it would be good to see actual immediate results of her actions. 

So she was doing her very best to be the first hunter to succeed at this damsel-in-distress bounty, stalking the woods with her tracking equipment, Nugget and some weapons. It had been a while since the two of them had hunted together and it was nice for him to be out for such a long while, sniffing after squirrels and what not as Daiyu looked for tracks. Something did tug at her stomach at some point, a fishhook pulling at her gut and she wondered if somehow she was getting lucky or if it was something else. She followed her gut, fingers dancing over the knife strapped to her leg just to be safe, and eventually found herself looking up at a human after her ears picked up on a creak of a branch.

Or, well. Human-appearing person. Who was probably also an animal of sorts. “Hi?” Nugget moved over, sitting at her side and looking up along her. “What happened to you?”

—

Unfortunately, her company had learned to look up. Syd froze, as if being still would suddenly create some invisible wall between the two of them. But she was speaking, and her dog was sniffing upward, tail wagging. She immediately took note of the blade strapped to her thigh, tucking away its position as a warning. Maybe it was used for… anything but spilling blood. Because if Syd let her mind wander, somebody would get hurt. The jaguar would unfurl, leaving the two below a mess of skin and bones. “Oh, you know. Total fucking rager last night.” She bit the inside of her cheek, knowing well enough that now she would need to look as though she were struggling to get out of the tree, when in reality, it would be quite easy to scale down it. 

“Can you turn around? My whole ass is out and I gotta get down this thing.” Syd hoped they’d oblige, “and can I borrow that flannel?” It was a lot to ask coming from a stranger and Syd knew that, but she hoped the kindness of a random stranger would upend any kind of scrutiny or suspicion that her new friend might wear. Syd didn’t bother actually waiting for the woman to turn around, mostly because being naked wasn’t odd. Her body was a body all the same as the clothed one ahead of her. She made a whole show of struggling to climb down the tree, grunts and gasps of pain as she ran her palms over the tree bark (all of which were dramaticized). 

—

There were, of course, instances of naked humans in the woods. There were nudists and streakers and people who just thought they were all by themselves and so walked around with no care in the world. Sure. Those humans existed, but Daiyu doubted that the naked and embarrassed person in the tree was just a lost streaker or adventurous hiker. No, all the signs pointed to this being a shifter who shifted and then shifted back and was now stuck in a tree. “Yeah, totally,” she said, her gaze averting. She felt her cheeks grow a little red. “Totally know, I go to all the ragers.” 

She did turn around, because she didn’t really enjoy watching the naked form of strangers climb down trees. The feeling in her stomach persisted, that fish hook pulling at her navel more and more as she other went down. Daiyu considered the question for a moment. Helping a shifter was a conflicting thing, wasn’t it? But it was just a fucking flannel. It wasn’t like she was aiding a werewolf to kill indiscriminately or a siren lure someone to their death. She pulled the flannel off and tossed it over her shoulder. “Yup, there you go. So you um, in your transformation era then?”

—

“Do you?” Syd almost asked which ones, but stopped herself. As soon as the girl turned around, she quickened her movements, practically floating to the ground. Twigs snapped beneath her weight, and the smell of dead leaves lifted to her nose. “Maybe we’ll see each other there sometime, then.” Syd waited silently, hopeful that her company would provide access to some kind of modesty, as it was apparent that she wasn’t comfortable with it. Or maybe she was, and the tips of her ears were red not because of embarrassment, but because of something else that Syd could not place. 

Syd let out a hum as soon as the flannel shot through the air. She grabbed it before it hit the ground, pulling it over her shoulders, buttoning it up quickly. It was lucky that there wasn’t much of a difference in height, or else this might be for nothing. “Appreciate it.” Now where did they go from here? Syd hesitated for a moment after hearing her question. That seemed loaded. Fuck. Shit. Okay! Maybe it didn’t mean anything. “Transformation era? Not sure what’s transformative about getting stuck in a tree after taking shrooms.” Maybe this person hadn’t ever taken them, and wouldn’t know what the fuck she was insinuating. “But uh, sure? Maybe.” She stared at the woman’s back for a moment before clearing her throat, “you can turn around now.” 

—

Daiyu did, in fact, not go to ragers. The most she participated in local nightlife was by going to bars and drinking sodas and throwing darts. Clubs were nightmares on her senses, raves would make her want to punch someone and she just didn’t really see the point in any of it. She liked concerts, though, but could be found at the edge of those, nodding her head and tapping one foot. She didn’t know why she’d said that, but seeing someone naked flustered her (which was annoying) and besides, she didn’t want to come across as someone who was lame. “Yeah, sure we will, absolutely — do wear clothes then.” 

She was staring at the lichen on a tree, eyes not straying. Being a prude was also something Daiyu wasn’t very proud of, but it was simply how it was. It did make her hunting shifters kind of unfortunate, though — which was in part why she preferred hunting them while shifted. She glanced over her shoulder, glad to see the other covered in her plaid and turned properly. “You know, like … hashtag transformation Thursday?” She threw up a peace sign and pushed her lips together. A nasty part within wanted to make the other as uncomfortable as she felt. “Where’d your clothes go?”

—

“And here I was hoping you’d like me like this.” It was the first thing that came to mind, a means of deflection, of turning the brunette’s burning questions back onto her, or in Syd’s case, statement. Syd smoothed down the corners of the flannel that hung around her thighs, pushing the sleeves up slightly. “I’ll get this washed and get it back to you, for sure.” They attempted a smile, though it hardly counted as one. It felt awkward, like they were pushing the corners of their lips up with their fingers. 

“Hashtag transformation…” Syd paused, “you mean what those mom’s post on Facebook and stuff? That thing? Uh, sure. I guess.” Maybe this woman spent a lot of time on Facebook following trends. Or maybe she just liked taglines. Maybe she had a shirt that screamed DON’T TALK TO ME BEFORE I’VE HAD MY COFFEE. The longer Syd looked at her, the more she felt that the case. The next question that came, Syd shrugged. “You ever take shrooms? Sometimes they just crawl off your back. You know, it’s all about wanting to feel nature.” The jaguar was dormant for now, and Syd was appreciative of that fact. “They’re probably somewhere around here.” Syd spun around for dramatics. “But fuck if I know, quite honestly.” 

—

She could still feel the tips of her ears burning and she cursed her human blood for streaming so viciously through her veins. Daiyu was doomed to be overemotional though, it seemed — and though this was hardly the worst kind of emotional response out there, it sure was uncomfortable. “Don’t know you well enough to have any typ’ah opinion of how I do or do not like you but I bet it’s with clothes on, no offense.” She shrugged at the assurance that she’d get her flannel back, figuring it was just the other being polite.

The flannel did look good on the other, but that might be because she was relieved that she was now covered up. Daiyu crossed her arms, tucking her hands underneath her opposing elbows. “Nah, I don’t fuck with moms on Facebook, not since the incident,” she said, not sure what incident she was talking about. (There had been a few, but none of them had deterred her from going head to head with them, in all fairness.) “I can feel nature with my clothes on and no, never did shrooms. Halluc– hallucinogens aren’t my jam.” One encounter with ballybogs had turned into one bad trip that had ruined at least two months of her life. “Must get expensive, losing your clothes often. Or do you always get strangers to lend you their shit?”

—

“Damn, and here I thought we were making a real connection.” A body was a body no matter the way somebody looked at it, but it also was about consent. Syd knew that this woman probably didn’t plan on seeing somebody naked out in the woods today, or ever. Or maybe it happened a lot to her, given her reaction. Syd couldn’t be sure. It was easier to think that was the case, anyway. 

“The incident? Wait, I need to know. Maybe later, when I don’t have my bare ass out, but I want you to tell me.” She was intrigued, to say the least. Syd hummed, trying to keep up the act of avid shroom taker so that there’d be no more questions lighting a fire beneath her ass. “Sometimes the wind just feels nice against your leg hair, you know?” They dangled their foot outward as if to signify that fact. The flannel was long enough to cover down to their thighs at the very least, so maybe her company would relax soon. “I get that. They’re not for everyone.” Syd couldn’t remember the last time they had done shrooms, but it hadn’t been any time recently. Maybe that worked better in their favor. “No, most of the time I just wake up and go home. I don’t live super far from here.” They paused, clearing their throat. “Maybe I should tie a go bag around my arm or something.” The jaguar would be pissed about that, and it’d end up torn to pieces anyway, but it wasn’t like her company knew that. 

—

Daiyu assumed the other was just saying that to be saying something, which was how she approached most – if not all – communication. She wasn’t really the kind of person that people connected with randomly in the woods, after all. Especially not shifters that were naked and wearing her clothes, now. “Rest in pieces,” she answered, which she thought was a very good reply to the other’s comment.

She huffed in amusement, “Sure thing,” she said, even though she was sure she would not be recounting her experiences arguing with Facebook moms online with this shifter. Daiyu liked not making life too complicated for herself. Even though she didn’t hunt every shifter she came across, didn’t mean she had to befriend them either. “If I wanna feel the wind against my legs, I just wear shorts. Heard of them? They have many kinds of them.” It was funny, the way shifters and hunters all danced around the truth. Daiyu wasn’t telling the other that she could sense that they were a shifter, and the other wasn’t telling her that they were a shifter. It was strange to hold more information, though — it wasn’t often that Daiyu was the smarter person in the room. “Totally should. Or like, hide different bags of clothes in the woods. In case you trip and get lost again, or whatever.” She offered a grin. “Seems unfortunate.”

—

Syd let out an amused laugh, though there was very little light that actually reached her eyes, only because of the anxiety bleeding from the situation. They cleared their throat, crossing their arms against their chest. It wasn’t necessarily a defiant gesture, but one that she felt put a little space between her and the random woman in the woods. It felt better that way, anyway. 

“Shorts? No, what are those? Afraid I haven’t seen those.” A half-smile curled at the corners of their lips, though it faltered soon after. “No, I have. That was a lie, obviously. I like shorts.” They dragged their index finger against their leg, marking where the shorts they usually wore cut off at. “They’re nice. Pants are too constricting, you know? ‘Specially this time of year.” There was a brief pause and the silence she anticipated was filled with the rustling of leaves and several birds singing to one another far above them. “Hide bags of clothes in the woods? That seems like a lot of trouble. What if someone runs off with it?” Really, Syd didn’t like to spend more time off trails than needed. This was one of those one-off scenarios that they couldn’t really control. “It is so fucking unfortunate. Ass out, lost my shrooms, probably my wallet. If you canvas this area a lot, let me know if you find it. It’s pink with a heart on it and a sticker of my dog and bearded dragon.” 

—

Daiyu understood what the other was doing, even if she couldn’t name it or point it out specifically. But offering a rebuttal that made little sense? That was her M.O., too. Of course the other had heard of shorts, but of course she also acted like she never had. It was kind of fun to be met with such a reply, even if the formerly naked shapeshifter changed their tune quite quickly.

“Absolutely get what you mean, though in these woods sometimes more coverage is good, you know? Some plants sting.” Never mind all the beasts and creatures that roamed away, that had more way to harm you when your legs were bared. Maybe that wasn’t something a shifter had to consider, though, as they were covered in fur or feathers in their actual, true form. Daiyu wondered what the other looked like when she didn’t inhibit this deceptive body. “Eh, fair enough. If some random hiker doesn’t take your shit, a bear might.” Bugbear or normal. She didn’t think the other was a bugbear, though, as she’d not tried to scare her yet. Regardless of what supernatural thing she was, though, she had helped her — even if she’d pushed and prodded a little. And now, no matter what she said in response to the other’s request, she’d be looking for the other’s bag, too. “Yeah, sure.” 

She wanted to ask about the other’s dog and bearded dragon. Two pets, and two great ones at that. Did she keep pets because she was an animal herself, in a way? Daiyu silenced her curiosity, though. There was no room for it, here. “Good luck, or whatever.” She raised two fingers to her head and saluted, turning from her abandoned duty and the bare minimum she could have done for a strange, naked shifter in the woods. 

—

“Shit. You’re right. I’ll make sure to bring the chamomile, too.” Syd grinned at her, knowing fully well that they both knew they were beating around some kind of bush. Syd just had no idea that the brunette’s were full of knives and a traumatic upbringing. 

“A bear… thieving little bastards, you’re right.” They often had bears at the campsite, but not because there was ever any food left out– mostly because it was their home first, and Syd’s parents were big on the whole return the land to who once owned it, and that included the bears that roamed around Wicked’s Rest. “Appreciate your concern though. Not many people tell me to put on pants.” That could’ve been meant two ways, but they didn’t bother addressing which one they had meant. 

“Good luck or whatever to you, too.” She tugged at the sleeves of the brunette’s flannel, raising a hand. “i’ll get this washed and returned to you whenever I see you next.” Really, Syd hoped it’d be soon. Mostly because she didn’t like owing other people anything. Maybe she’d throw in some tea with it, it looked like the other could stand to relax a little.