#and with any luck i'll never be writing one again because fuck that and fuck this show

[eufezco]

SUPER SHY - JOEL MILLER x FEM!READER

SUMMARY – when Joel's keeping you company while you're showering, he sees something he wasn't supposed to.

english isn't my first language <3 // this is pure SMUT

A/N – omg it's been so long but i literally have no inspiration so if anyone has any request... also, i've been writing for the walking dead, especially daryl, but that's still in my drafts because i don't know if there's anyone interested in that. ANYWAYS, i hope this isn't so bad

He didn't mind. He truly didn't care. He was sitting on the toilet, bent forward, with his elbows on his knees and one of his legs shaking out of impatience. It was true that he'd rather be doing other things but with a bit of luck you'd be done soon and he'd leave. Although he didn't have much to do either, he was sure they needed some last-minute people to patrol.

He had been sitting on that toilet every night for at least thirty minutes every time you took a shower. Since you lacked music, you needed some other type of distraction and Joel wasn't the best for it but it was your only option.

"What was the last movie you saw?"

"I don't know. I can't remember."

"I'm sure you do remember, you are just too lazy to think. For me, it was Spiderman, my brother took me to the movies but I don't remember enjoying it. What was yours?"

"I think it was Catch Me If You Can."

"Never heard of that."

Of course not, he said to himself. The sound of falling water made your voice sound fainter so he had to readjust his position to hear you better. His back was now against the toilet, he ran his hands over his face. It was starting to get a little hot inside the bathroom as well. Joel looked in your direction, trying to understand what you were saying but quickly looked away. Joel closed his eyes tightly and then opened them wide again without knowing what to do. When he leaned back and looked in your direction, he expected nothing, only the curtain that was hiding you, but instead, he found a perfect view of your round and wet ass.

Joel swallowed nervously and shook his head, trying to erase that image from his mind, but it was so perfect and the water slid so easily down it. No, no, no, fuck he mumbled, massaging his temples. The way his teeth would sink into your skin there, and they would mark your soft skin just right.

"Are you okay?" You peeked your head through the curtain. Your brow furrowed as you saw him looking away.

He nodded.

"Can you pass me the bathrobe, then?"

Fuck, you were doing this on purpose, he thought. He stood from the toilet and you waited behind the curtains. You went out of the shower wrapped in the robe.

"I'll leave so you can change." He announced. His eyes briefly looked away and moved down to your breasts covered by your bathrobe, he could see how hard your nipples were and how the drops of water slid down your cleavage. You raised your eyebrows and Joel never looked you in the face again. He tried to get out of the bathroom, ashamed enough already, when you blocked his way with your body.

"I saw you looking at me, Joel. You won't get away so easily."

He didn't know what to say. Should he apologize? Should he leave anyway? He'd been looking after you practically since this started, since you two met in the woods, the least he could do was apologize for looking at you in such an inappropriate way.

"When was the last time you saw a naked woman?"

Your question caught him off guard. Joel shook his head and took his eyes off you, knowing beforehand what you were about to do. The bathrobe slipped off your shoulders and Joel closed his eyes, not even daring to look at your reflection in the mirror. You couldn't be doing this to him, he was not like the boys you'd been hanging out in Jackson.

"Look at me."

He shook his head. You told him again and this time his eyes laid on yours. You flashed him a smile, how innocent sweet Joel.

"I want you to look at my body, Joel."

Joel called your name, shaking his head again and swallowing nervously.

"I know you want to do it, I saw how you looked at me before. I want you too, but this isn't going to work if you can't even look at me."

His eyes shyly moved from yours to your breasts. He took a glance and closed his eyes. You smiled victorious. You guided one of his hands to caress one side of your body. Joel dared to look at the path his hand was making through your body, how soft the skin of your waist felt against his rough fingers.

You led his hand to cup one of your tits. Your nipple immediately became hard on contact with his palm and your pussy was already clenching around nothing. You'd dreamed so many times about how would his touch feel, and he was barely applying any pressure, nor squeezing it or pinching your nipple, he was just holding your tit in his hand.

Your hand pinched his chin and made him look up at you. His eyes were bright, darker than you'd ever seen them before, and his pupils were big. You fluttered your lashes, inocently and your thumb caressed his lips. You came close enough to his mouth for your breaths to become one, you could feel his beard tickling your lips. You ran your tongue over his lips and he leaned in for a kiss, his lips were so soft and gentle against yours compared to the thick hair of his beard.

You pushed his shoulders and made him sit on the toilet again. His cock was so hard and ready for you, already leaking precum against the fabric of his underwear. He was still unsure about this, not because he didn't want to do it but because you were so beautiful and he was an old man that doubled your age, and his cock was so hard and already throbbing against his stomach, it was almost embarrassing.

Joel put both of his hands on your hips when you placed one of your legs on each side of his body. You wrapped your fingers around his hard cock, giving it a couple of strokes and getting multiple groans from him. You could feel him twitching between your fingers. He was big, some black hairs like the ones on his head decorated the base of his cock and a prominent vein ran down its length, but the most important thing was, that he was thick. You could barely take it all in one hand, and you knew the stretch was going to be perfect.

You lined up his cock at your entrance, allowing only his tip to go inside you, and then you gently lowered yourself. One of your hands moved down to your clit and rub it to get used to the sensation of Joel filling you. He gave you all the time you needed but you were tight and he could feel his cock jumping inside you. Every time your fingers rubbed your clit your cunt clenched and squeezed him even harder.

"You good?" Joel asked, caressing one of your cheeks with the back of his hand. You nodded. "You sure? Oh, fuck-" He moaned when you started rolling your hips against his. Your movements were very delicate as your fingers continued working on your bundle of nerves, helping you to get even wetter and making it easy for you to take him. Joel could feel you dripping down the inside of his legs.

"Yeah, that's a good girl, fuck-" His eyes were locked on where you two connected although he could only see how his cock had completely disappeared inside your pussy. He was enjoying the way your tiny fingers played with your clit.

"Still good?" He asked again and you nodded. You suddenly stopped the movement of your hips against his and he was afraid that you'd hurt yourself. You placed your hands on his broad shoulders, getting a firm grip there to help you lift your hips from his lap. You pulled him out of you, his cock glistening with your juices, and then you dropped yourself back down onto his cock.

A sharp moan came out of Joel's throat and his fingers sank into the flesh of your ass. You repeated that again and again, finally getting used to Joel's width and to the sting of him going inside you deeper and deeper each time. Your hands moved from his shoulder to his face, cupping both of his cheeks and guiding his lips to yours, the sounds that escaped your mouths became one. His hands massaged your breasts shamelessly this time, his palms rubbed your nipples while you leaned your head back, giving him perfect access to your neck.

"I can't- I can't anymore." You cried out, your movements becoming more and more sloppy.

"It's okay. You did well." He gasped, his hands on your hips slowly guiding your movements, giving you enough time to recompose. Joel helped you to wrap your legs around his body, so that when he stood up from the toilet, he could move you with him, his dick still balls deep inside you.

Joel sat you on the sink and he splayed your legs completely open. You sat up on your elbows, looking through your eyelashes as he was admiring how your pussy sucked him. His dick slid inside you easily, his thrusts were stronger than you thought they would be and they made your whole body shake with them. Your throat felt dry and the burn in the pit of your stomach felt warmer and warmer. You dug your nails into his shoulders and pulled him to you, chest to chest.

Your hips rolled involuntarily against his, and you nodded to everything he muttered at you through gritted teeth. Yes, you were a good girl. Yes, you were his good girl. Yes, your pussy belonged to him. Yes, you were about to cum. Yes, you wanted his cum, and yes, you wanted it inside. And who was he to deny you your wishes? With a groan coming straight from his chest and your legs shaking and closing around his body, you both came seconds apart.

Joel stayed inside you, his head resting on your shoulder as you played with the hair on the back of his neck. You giggled. "Look at the shy one."

[llamagoddessofficial]

You don't have to read this, but I've been thinking about ways to escape that situation. I would consider this a test run because we don't know their hunting strategies. Instead of focusing on running away, I would focus on understanding their patterns, as we know they are Mafia workers who search for people, and we don't know what kind of roles they have in their search. I'm considering whether or not to tell Dust about something, but I'm worried that he or my home might be bugged. If I do decide to tell him, I'll write a note explaining my reasons and wait for Horror to watch over us. While I wait, I'll inspect the garden for any weak points in the walls and observe the usual guard shift times. I might also pretend to have trouble sleeping and ask for some sleeping medication. I know Nightmare would attempt to help me, but he can't be available 24/7, and he won't be there every night, and I would ask for some sleep medication. And when it's Horror's turn I will dump the appropriate amount in his food or drink to mask the drugs when adding drugs to food or drink, I would use sugar to mask the taste and spices to cover up the smell. He is the main person hunting us down, and it's frustrating for Killer and Dust because they primarily used him to track us from the beginning. I will use the tough fabric of our curtains to tie knots and cut them to make a makeshift rope. Then, I will hail the nearest taxi, pay in cash, and instruct the driver to take us to the docks. I would take a boat tour to travel to the other side of the lake assuming that we live near one. They usually don't ask for ID, but I would choose a cheaper one just in case. I would be willing to pay extra if they do ask for it. Once I reach the other side, I would go to one of the destinations and start my new life without them.

An admirable attempt, to be sure. And there's a genuine chance you could get some distance away before they find you, which is no small feat. But there are some pitfalls you might have overlooked.

Guard shifts overlap. Nightmare has been in the game long enough to know the common breaks in armour. He's not just keeping you in; he's keeping his enemies out.

The boys might be dumb, but they're not stupid. They're incredibly observant. They would be able to tell that you're watching the guards.

Nightmare will be able to smell mounting anxiety about an escape attempt.

Where would you get the cash for the taxi? Additionally, you are really throwing the dice by getting a cab from outside Nightmare's home. Good luck finding a driver that isn't on Nightmare's payroll. In fact, good luck finding anywhere in the city where there isn't anyone loyal to Nightmare. There's a reason Dust was so agitated by Nightmare liking you... there's a reason he told you you can't leave.

You're gonna need a lot of fucking sleep meds to knock Horror out for any significant amount of time.

Horror is the fastest at finding you, sure. But if he's out of action, Nightmare will happily take his place on the hunt. And that isn't a good thing for you.

Also... perhaps the biggest issue.

You know food is sacred to Horror right? Incredibly sacred. To him, it's synonymous with love, with care, with connection. Food sharing in the Underground was how you told someone you valued their life. And accepting food was how you expressed the ultimate vulnerability. Horror doesn't accept food from just anyone.

Not only did you tamper with his food, you offered it to him under false pretences. You took advantage of the fact that he cared for you enough to eat/drink whatever you offer. I hope you realise you've absolutely shattered his trust.

He will never believe you, or let his guard down around you, ever again.

You monster.

[savannahsdeath]

Is there a chance you can toxic Ellie x reader. Where Reader was leaving Ellie for good and she never came back.

just a drabble since im still really busy but i had to write it because we all deserve something better than toxic!ellie!! i know i know we love ellie just, please, not the toxic one🩷

: ̗̀➛ the scene was going on for hours. you kept packing your things, she kept taking them and placing back on the shelves. your shirt had wet stains in places where your tears dropped and soaked into it.

"you're so dramatic." she smirked, taking a step forwards.

: ̗̀➛ you shook your head and wiped your cheeks with the back of your hand. "no, i am not. i won't let you ruin me. not anymore."

"who told you i ruin you?" her amused smile faded as she put her arms on her hips. "can't you see that this person, whoever it was, is manipulating you? they know you're nothing without me so they're trying to separate us. they're praying on your downfall and you? you're just helping them."

"why would my own best friend do something like that? no, ellie, you're just— insane, crazy, a fucking psycho, whatever!" you zipped up your backpack and picked it up.

: ̗̀➛ she watched as you carefully walked over the stairs. "you haven't even packed like... half of your things."

"oh well!" you sarcastically laughed. "you'll have a souvenir."

"so you don't plan on coming back for them?" she frowned, finally realising that, this time, you're serious.

: ̗̀➛ you didn't answer, putting your jacket on. she walked over to you and tried to kiss you, but you dodged her with a hiss.

"come on, babe" she sighed. "y'know how i can make it up to you..."

"just leave me alone" you begged and took a few steps backwards, until your back hit the door.

"don't make a scene" she bit her lip as she watched you make your way through the doorstep. "come back inside and we'll figure something out."

: ̗̀➛ you shook your head and finally turned around.

"okay" she nodded. "have a day off. but i'll find you. you know i will."

: ̗̀➛ you chuckled through your tears. "good luck"

⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂☆

: ̗̀➛ two days later you were in a train to a different state. this decision was spontaneous and you could as well end up being homeless but you were sure you'll survive, somehow. your friend - luccy called you, waking you up from a nap.

"she paid me a visit, to put it politely."

"god" you fully sat up and straightened up, immediately waking up. "how bad was it?"

"i expected worse" luccy chuckled. "it was kinda hilarious, actually. i didn't want to let her in but she, of course, made her way inside anyway. she quickly realised it's too late."

"but she didn't..." you paused, thinking of all the possibilities. your girlfriend, now ex, was capable of a lot of crazy things. "...uh— hurt you or anything?"

"oh, she was mad" luccy laughed again. "but no, she didn't do anything. i'd say we're safe, for now."

: ̗̀➛ you hummed. your plan wasn't too brilliant, but you did everything you could to not leave any clues. she won't find you, you knew she won't. and eventually, she'll completely give up and stop trying. maybe she'll even move on and find someone else? maybe even a healthy relationship?

let's hope so.

[ladykailitha]

Icarus Part 5

And here we arrive at the second post today. I'm just trying to move through my backlog so that I'm down to my preferred three ahead. Glitters is at the rut, so only a chapter or two left to write, so that's almost done. Soulmates is to filling the gaps in the "In Media Res" scene and is nearing its end, too. Which means with any luck, I'll be down to just three WIP at the end of the month: Moonlight, Boy w/a Bat, and this one.

In this chapter, we have Eddie being a menace and giving Steve and Robin the fright of their lives. And because my Steddie never take anything slow, they kiss about it.

Pt 1 Pt 2 Pt 3 Pt 4

@mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @emly03

****

The last spot on The Fallen’s American tour was Pasadena just to flip Dustin’s shit now that he was in Hawkin’s, Eddie was sure.

Eddie bought nose bleed seats because he didn’t want to throw Steve off of his playing. The last thing he wanted was to embarrass him and take the spotlight off their music.

He tucked his signature locks under a hat, removed his face piercings, and made sure all his tattoos were covered. He wore an Abbadon hoodie over his regular clothes and got into place in his seat.

He watched the whole show with great enthusiasm, banging along to his favorite songs.

Eddie was most of the way through the show when the twelve year old boy next to him clocked him for who he really is.

He put his finger up to his lips and winked. The boy nodded solemnly and he turned back to spectacle in front of them, like he hadn’t seen the frontman for the biggest metal band in the world sitting in the nose bleed seats for The Fallen.

Eddie lucked out on that one. Boys that age were of two schools of thought regarding secrets, either everyone knew or no one did. He stumbled on the latter.

Thank god!

He really didn’t want this to blow up on him before he got a chance to surprise Steve.

The concert was even more amazing than the one in Indy and Eddie’s skin was just thrumming with excitement as he paid off a member of stadium staff to send the flowers to the dressing room.

They let him wait in the wings without telling anyone who he was. He wasn’t sure how long it would take for Steve to get his flowers. But he wasn’t bored. He watched the roadies and techs scramble about breaking down the set pieces.

He saw two of them carrying Astraeus’s wings and they were even cooler close up. He could that they weren’t just glittery blue, but actual galaxies and constellations.

He was about to ask if he could touch them when a woman in a stylish, black pant suit and sunglasses came storming over to him in a panic.

“Eddie Munson?” she hissed. “Come with me, now!”

Eddie grinned. “Right with you, darlin’.”

He followed her all the way to the dressing room, hands in his back pockets and a skip in his step.

****

Steve was tired. Fuck he was so tired. He scrubbed his face trying to get the sweat off.

The dressing room was heavily guarded so that he could get out his getup to shower and get the patina of being on stage off of his skin.

He would get back into Abbadon before he walked out, but he just needed to be him for a moment.

He stepped out of the shower and looked around at the gifts from fans. The management had put in the ones they thought he would want to see the most.

In the pile was the most striking blue roses he had ever seen. They were almost a midnight blue. His favorite color and his favorite flower. He walked over to them slowly as he dried himself off with the towel.

There was a simple note.

“I know your secret, sweetheart.

But don’t worry, it’s safe with me.”

Steve’s hand shook as he read the note over and over again. He made a dive for his phone, towel forgotten on the floor.

He sent off a quick text to Robin.

-Find Eddie Munson, now!

He got a message back with just one word.

-How!

He replied.

-He’s here

Steve dressed and then sat down on the sofa, settling in to wait. Ten minutes later there was a knock on the door and he put the mask up to his face while the door was open, intending to lower it again. But seeing Eddie standing there with a feral grin on his face.

He wavered, unsure.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Eddie said, his grin never leaving his face. “Did you like the flowers?”

The woman looked back and forth between them in confusion. “What’s going on?”

Eddie turned to her. “You see, Robin, I figured out that Stevie here is the lead singer of an up and coming metal band. And that you two have been keeping secrets.”

Steve dropped the mask in shock, revealing his face. “How?”

Robin took off her sunglasses. “Who told? Who the fuck do I have to sue?”

Eddie smirked. “No one.”

“You’re trying to tell me,” she said with a scoff, “that Mr Double Super Senior figured out something that had been so closely guarded for the last couple of years?”

“Yup!”

Steve stood up and threw the mask on the sofa. He walked carefully over to the man he closely regarded as his best friend, the high heels of his costume clicking on the wood floor.

“How’d you do it, Eds?” he whispered when he got close enough. “How did you figure it out before the press, before our friends who are literal geniuses, before my own fucking parents?”

Eddie lifted up Steve’s jaw up with his fingers and then tapped on the two moles on the side of his neck. The ones Eddie always thought of as love bites.

“My moles?” Steve asked, unsure.

“I noticed them when I went to the concert with Dustin in Indy,” Eddie said softly. “That’s how I knew it was you.”

“Have you got some obsession with moles or something?” Robin sneered.

He shook his head. “Just Stevie.”

Steve gasped. “Oh.”

“Oh,” Robin repeated. “I’m still going to have to make you sign an NDA. I’m sorry. I know you won’t tell, but I have to be sure.”

Eddie nodded. “Send it to my lawyers.”

She nodded and slipped out of the door, barely opening it wide enough for her to exit. She put the glasses back on and decided she needed a drink. A big one. Maybe three.

****

“Sit down, sweetheart,” Eddie cooed. “I know how exhausting shows can be and you did it in high heels.”

Steve let out a watery chuckle but did as he was told.

“I never thought that someone would figure it out,” he said shakily. “I’m so scared right now.”

Eddie wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close. “Oh, Stevie. I didn’t think it would frighten you, otherwise I would have just kept my mouth shut.”

Steve looked him in the eyes. “I’m not frightened of you or that you would tell. It’s just that old adage of if you want to keep a secret between two people–”

“You kill one,” Eddie finished grimly. “I know, baby.”

After a few months of silence Steve whispered, “So you’re obsessed with me?”

Eddie burst out laughing. “Yeah. Have been for years.”

“How long?” Steve asked biting his lip and playing with the sleeve of his hooded coat. He looked away not sure he really wanted the answer. Was this new, because he was in a metal band? Was it recent, with Steve not being as readily available as he was before?

“Since high school.”

Steve’s head snapped up and he looked at up at him in awe. “Holy shit, Eds, that’s forever.”

A soft, fond smile spread out over Eddie’s face, his dimples deepening to sharp lines on his cheeks.

It was Steve’s favorite smile of his. And one he was learning might just be for him and him alone.

“Yeah, yeah,” Eddie breathed, “I know.”

They were so close, their breath mingled together, their noses brushed and Steve’s eyelashes fanned out, almost touching Eddie’s cheek.

Steve let out a gasp and Eddie closed the distance. Their lips met and Steve would swear for years to come that there were god damned fireworks. There had to be. Nothing and no one had ever felt like this. It was warm and soft and hot and sexy and bright and dark all at once. Every nerve ending lit up where just their lips touched.

And then Eddie cupped the back of his head and whatever thoughts that were in Steve’s head flew out the window. Every fear, every anxiety, every doubt went running for the hills. All he needed in this very moment was Eddie.

Until the end of time.

“Wow,” Eddie breathed when he finally managed to pull away.

Steve could only agree. “Um...can you meet me at my hotel?”

Eddie licked his lips. He wanted to take Stevie apart right then right there. But it would put Steve in danger of being discovered.

And that could not happen.

Now that he knew Steve’s secret, now that Steve was letting him in. Like all the way in, he would do anything to protect him.

“Yeah, baby,” he agreed. “I’ll meet you there. Message Celeste,” he winked, “and let her know to sneak me in.”

Steve relaxed that final increment. He kissed him fiercely. “Thanks for understanding, Eds. I love you so much.”

Eddie blushed, shoving a strand of hair into his mouth to hide his face. “Ah, sweetheart. There’s nothing to thank me for. I’d burn the world down for you if you asked.”

Steve kissed him again. “I think it’s best if I go out first and then message you when the coast is clear.”

Eddie nodded.

He was still in disguise. Only four people knew who he was. The kid, Robin and Steve, and the dude he paid to get the flowers in Steve’s dressing room.

Which Eddie would send his own team of lawyers to make sure the man didn’t so much as breathe the wrong direction.

He would then, of course meet with “Celeste” and “Abbadon” to construct the perfect cover story for Steve being on the tour with Corroded Coffin. Provided Steve said yes.

Twenty minutes later, Eddie emerged from the dressing room to see only a couple of roadies still milling around.

He blinked at one of them for a moment, but then the guy disappeared around a corner and he couldn’t be sure.

He would swear later it looked like Simon Olsen. Steve’s friend. But that couldn’t be right? Couldn’t it?

He shook himself off. He had a hotel to get to and paparazzi to dodge.

Eddie slipped into his old middle school persona. The one from before he moved in with his uncle, Wayne. The one where he could shrink in on himself.

Become... not invisible, per se. Not important enough to be worth a look at.

He removed the hoodie and handed it to fan lingering outside. He roughed up his hair, untied the shoelaces on his boots, rubbed dirt on his knees and hands.

Once his new disguise was in place, he shambled down the street and people moved right through him as if he wasn’t there.

Eddie had to fight down a grin. People were eaten up with curiosity on how he could avoid getting papped no matter where he went. And this right here was his secret. Appear homeless and no one would give a damn.

He got into position and texted ‘Celeste’ he had arrived. He took the time to smooth out his hair and stretch out his spine. Walking hunched over like that hurt as he kicked and screamed into his late twenties. Something he never thought he would reach.

He texted Jeff to let him know he wouldn’t be back to night and settled in to wait.

Soon enough he was led up through the back way and then into Steve’s hotel room.

As soon as the door closed, Steve was on him.

“Are you okay? Did anyone see you?” And then, “Why are you so dirty?”

Eddie burst out laughing. “Just a little thing I learned from dear ole dad about walking about unseen. So just let me clean up a bit and I’m all yours.”

Steve bit his lip and nodded nervously.

Eddie chuckled. “Unless you wanted to join me in the shower?” he said over his shoulder.

Steve perked right up and followed Eddie into the en suite bathroom, kicking the door closed with a grin.

****

Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25

Tag List: @papergrenade @cryptid-system @counting-dollars-counting-stars @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @danili666 @chaoticlovingdreamer @maya-custodios-dionach @val-from-lawrence @goodolefashionedloverboi @i-must-potato @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog @justforthedead89 @vecnuthy @irregular-child @yikes-a-bee @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @anne-bennett-cosplayer @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten @genderless-spoon @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @y4r3luv @dragonmama76 @scheodingers-muppet @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @disrespectedgoatman @eyehartart @dawners @thespaceantwhowrites @tinyplanet95 @iamthehybrid @croatoan-like-its-hot

[inexplicifics]

Hiya! I was wondering if you’d been having any luck making the Cats Among Wolves bunnies cooperate lately? If not, that’s cool. Plot bunnies are not the most cooperative creatures, but I figured I’d ask. I was also curious about what the writing process usually looks like for you if you were willing to explain it a bit. Do you tend to jump around between projects just following the inspiration, or do you write out at least a whole scene or chapter before letting yourself move around? How many times do you usually send a fic to Rose for betaing before you feel ready to release it? I always find different people’s processes so interesting.

So Cats Among Wolves is mostly not cooperating at the moment - I am weirdly low on Brain and the bunnies are not doing long-form very well just now. But here's a snippet from the Cedric & Axel fic:

Fuck, this is good, Cedric opines, sipping greedily at the soup Gaetan is holding for him. “The old Wolf knows his way around a kitchen,” Gaetan agrees, nodding. “I think I gained most of a stone the first winter I spent here.” “You needed it,” Eskel puts in. “All you Cats are too damn scrawny.” “Wolves are just absurdly big,” Gaetan sniffs. “And what are Vipers, then?” Eskel - teases. And Gaetan is grinning. Axel has never seen Gaetan so relaxed around an alpha before. Not even Cedric. But there’s not even a hint of tension in his littlest brother. He’s utterly unafraid. “Vipers are mostly perfectly normal sizes, Letho’s just special,” Gaetan says cheerfully. Letho smirks.

As to my writing process - oh gods, it's like a pogo stick. I often have eight or ten docs open, and I create a new WIP at least three times a week. (I am very easy to plotbunny. And I am surrounded by enablers.) I write until I get stuck and then I go to something else. Sometimes, if something really grabs me, I can get a whole longfic out in a week; sometimes I have to come back to it again and again until it clicks. My personal feeling is that as long as words are ending up in a row, it's all good.

I don't outline. Outlines kill fic for me. Once I've written down what's going to happen, why bother writing it again? Even for something like MBtT, I had the very loosest possible sketch of the plot and the desired relationships. I also can't estimate how long a fic is going to be to save my life. I thought MBtT was going to be 50K. I have to very deliberately keep from putting plot into things like prompt fills and flash fics, because once I've added plot, that fic isn't getting done in less than 10K.

I usually send the fic to Rose when it's completely done, and then do a pass through it once she's left comments, fixing all the plot holes she finds. Then she checks my work and I put it in the posting queue.

One thing I have found that helps me is that I color-code my docs. Blue is in progress, purple is ready for beta, and green is ready to be posted. It makes it easier for me to track things visually.

The other thing that really helps is cheer-readers. Because I try to only post finished fics, sometimes I'll start wondering if what I'm writing is really any good. Rose and Twist and Ray have all been wonderful at Encouraging me enthusiastically to keep going, and suggesting directions when I get stuck. Cheer-readers are great and I encourage writers to find them if they can.

Hope that was interesting!

[apathetic-revenant]

uh...hi?

[head pokes around corner]

so...

I've been back to scrolling around on tumblr for a bit now, and have been really wanting to get back to actually, y'know. being here. posting. not just sort of hanging here invisibly like a mournful ghost, observing but never interacting. that sort of thing. (revenants, after all, are supposed to be corporeal undead.)

but I really wanted to explain why I just kind of abruptly vanished in the first place. no one demanded this of me, but it felt like something I had to do. and then, in the typical way of self-imposed obstacles, it became a massive stumbling block. partly because of the nerves and emotions attached to it, sure, but mostly, tbh, because it was a Task. I recently (about 3 weeks ago now?) started seeing a new psychiatrist and got an adjustment to my ADHD meds which basically made my brain boot up again for the first time in way too long. this is great! but it means I am having to kind of slowly rehab my brain into getting used to doing Literally Anything again, one small step at a time. I am not being hyperbolic when I say I had to gradually build up my executive functioning for a while just to be able to write a tumblr post.

but fuck it! I really wanted to just do this already. so, while I'm sure I'll talk about all this in more detail later, for right now I'm gonna strip this down to the bare essentials just so I can get it done at all.

here's what happened:

in 2020 I had a sudden onset of extremely severe OCD.

no, not about the pandemic, actually. yeah I was anxious about the pandemic but it was a pretty normal level of anxiety for a global pandemic, honestly. my OCD took the form of scrupulosity--essentially, an obsessive worry about being a bad person.

tumblr is....not a GREAT place to be if you have a sudden obsessive fear of being a bad person.

now, to be clear: tumblr did not CAUSE my OCD, and leaving tumblr did not cure it. that's just not how OCD works. later on, I learned that atypical antipsychotics--one of which I had been prescribed around that time, for depression--have been known to cause OCD. is there any way to prove that that's what happened? probably not, at this point! so I've just been kind of sitting with that terrible knowledge for a while.

anyway. I would've had OCD anyway, but reading a regular stream of posts going "hey, here's a really terrible thing you might be doing! you might even be doing it without knowing it! you need to think really hard and be constantly vigilant all the time for any sign that you might be doing this thing!" was basically pouring gasoline on the fire.

I never made an active decision to leave tumblr--if I had I would've said something first. I just kind of thought "god, I can't do this right now" one day and didn't open the app, which turned into days and then weeks and then months, and still things weren't getting better.

it's hard to express exactly how harrowing that whole experience was. actually I just started thinking about it and realized I would never finish this post tonight if I tried to get into it just now. so I won't. let's just say: It Was Bad.

but, by an astronomical stroke of luck, I ended up getting referred to not just an OCD therapist, not just the only OCD therapist in the state who took Medicaid, but the only OCD therapist in the state who took Medicaid and also she was really good at her job. I genuinely think that woman saved my life.

OCD therapy is one of those "the only way out is through" kind of things. it's brutal and also quite surreal, but it has a high success rate and is very effective. OCD is not a thing that you can cure, per se, but it went from completely dominating every waking moment of my life to being something that I occasionally have to yell at in much the same way as when the cat starts knocking things off my desk at 3 in the morning.

but, the thing was, it took a year-and-a-bit before my therapist and I agreed that I had probably "graduated" as she put it. so, by the time I felt able to go back on tumblr without my brain catching on fire again, it had been so long that I didn't know how to do it. I felt like I'd pulled a major dick move by just dropping off without saying anything. I still thought about it (usually late at night, at Time To Think About Every Regret I've Ever Had O'Clock) but my brain very easily goes to a place of "well, no one would really notice or care that I was gone, and if they did they'd be mad at me for having left."

well. earlier this year I started on the road to getting past that idea. shoutout to @fordtato for helping with that, btw.

but it took me a while to work up the courage and then, as previously mentioned, even longer to work up the neurotransmitters.

I think I gotta wrap this up for now cause I don't have much concentration juice left. but, for what it's worth: I had a lot of emotions, coming back and seeing the names of people I used to talk to all the time. I don't know how you feel about me anymore, but I really missed yall. I would like to talk to you again.

[i-literally-cant-with-this]

I put up a little survey but no one answered it. How dare you all go on living your lives when I'm posting important things like whether or not I should post this all at once or break it up. So, this is YOUR fault it's been released as a whole ;).

A/N ::: NOT EVEN GONNA FUCKING LIE this was about 15 pages on Google Docs. BUT IN MY DEFENSE I have been working on this for 3 days. And if I'd been left alone like I wanted to be, I'd have not carried on and on like this. So, blame everyone around me that insists on interrupting me while I'm tryin' to write this story that wasn't supposed to be this damn long. ANY-DAMN-WAY. I hope someone out there reads this, despite it being the size of a damn Steinbeck piece of lit.

Disclaimer ::: This is NOT literature.

Seriously, please ... someone enjoy this.

C/W ::: Chifuyu x F.reader x Baji, cheating, sneaking around and sex.

WC ::: 4,765 (I'M SO SORRY. FR THIS TIME)

MDNI under the cut please and thank you.

When Chifuyu introduced you to the man he looked up to - his mentor - his hero, you didn't really think much of it at first. It didn't register how he stopped breathing when he shook your hand and said hello. How his eyes blew out, fully black. Lacking the subtlety of a man who wasn't your lover.

You weren't anything special. At least, you didn't think you were. Chifuyu introduced you as "the most pretty girl he's ever laid eyes on" and Baji couldn't deny that was the loudest truth he's ever heard. He'd never been so jealous of anyone as he is right now. But what could he do about it? Take you away from the man who was like a little brother to him?

He didn't want to. But he couldn't help how he felt when he was around you. He couldn't help how his mouth went dry when you said "Hi, Baj'! How are you today? Lovin' the hair as usual!" And you would wink at him thinking you looked like a total dork and then you'd skitter off to find Chifuyu.

It was easy to fall for you. Especially when you were so sweet, always asking how his day was, making him laugh, smiling that pretty smile at him. His heart was yours. But he knew yours belonged to Chifuyu. And it was getting to a point where he had trouble being around you two at the same time. He wasn't angry or anything. But his heart hurt.

It'd beat out of his chest whenever you'd sit down next to him on the couch or in the back seat of the car. He started to not come around as much.

And one day, you went over there to find Chifuyu because Mikey said that he was at Baji's place and it'd be fine if you popped over to get him.

So, you did just that. Except Chifuyu wasn't there. It was just Keisuke. And he was sitting on his bed with a book in his hand and a sad look in his eyes. 

He seemed surprised to see you when you approached his room. 

"Hey, Baj'," you said softly, "I'm sorry for coming over without calling first but I don't have your number." You leaned against his doorway with your hand on your hip. Smiling that goddamn smile of yours at him like you have absolutely no idea how he feels.

He shook his head. "It's okay. Chifuyu isn't here so if you were looking for him … you’re outta luck."

"Oh. Do you know where he is?"

"Nope. I don't think he's coming back here anytime soon either."

"Ah," you said, "so we're both out of luck."

Baji swallowed hard. "Yeah, ok. Well, bye, I guess. It was nice seeing you."

You smiled again. "Oh! O-ok, Baj'. Maybe I'll ... see you … I’ll see you ‘round."

He only had the strength to say "yeah, maybe" as you walked out of his room and out of his place. Because if he opened his mouth the only words that were going to come out were "I love you, y/n. Please give me a chance. I feel like I'm going to explode every time I'm in the same room with you and I don't get to touch your soft skin."

But he didn't say that. He couldn't. And he spent the rest of his night alone, wishing he had someone to hold him. Someone to tell him everything was going to be okay. Someone who loved him as much as he loved you. Someone who loved him as much as you loved Chifuyu.

You eventually tracked Chifuyu down and you told him about how sad Baji seemed tonight.

"Do you think I should go talk to him?" He asked.

"No," you replied. "I don't think he's in the mood to talk. He seemed really sad, though. He looked like he wanted to cry."

"Should we just leave him alone?"

"Yeah, I think so. But let's check on him tomorrow. Maybe he'll be more up to talking then."

"Ok. I hope so."

You didn't mean to, but you caught a glimpse of Chifuyu's face before he turned away. It was like he knew something. Like he knew that Baji had a crush on you. And maybe he did. Baji wasn't subtle at all. He was obvious and open and loud about his feelings. He wore them on his sleeve. And Chifuyu is the type to notice things. Especially about someone he already paid such close attention to. But none of this could be helped. Not really.

So, you left it alone.

A few weeks later, all the boys came over to hang out. And you sat down next to Baji on the couch like you usually did and you leaned your head on his shoulder. He tensed up and then relaxed. And you heard him sniffle a bit.

"Baj'? Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said, voice breaking.

"You're crying."

He turned his face away from you and wiped his eyes. "Sorry, y/n. It's nothing. Don't worry about it."

"Hey, I'm your friend. I worry about you. What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just ... just … stupid shit. Ok? I don't wanna talk about it."

You nodded and patted his knee. "Ok, well, I'm here if you need me." And you got up and walked down the hallway to your room to grab a sweatshirt.

What you didn't know is that Baji got up and followed you. And when you turned around, he was standing there. He reached out and grabbed your hand. And he brought it up to his mouth and kissed it.

"B-Baji?"

"I'm sorry, y/n. I can't do this anymore."

"Do what?"

"I can't ... I can't sit here and watch you and Chifuyu be all lovey dovey. It's fucking with my head, ok? I don't want to feel this way but I do and it's killing me inside. I've tried to stop it. I've tried everything and nothing works."

You pulled your hand back. "What are you … Baji? I don't understand."

"I'm saying that I like you, ok? And I don't know how to stop."

"I understand that but why the fuck are you telling me this now? Jesus, Baj'." You sat down on your bed, folding the sweatshirt up on your lap and holding it close to your chest.

Baji sat down next to you and put his hand on your arm. "I know it's stupid and I know you and Chifuyu are happy together. But I need you to know. I need you to know how much you mean to me. How much I wish it was me instead of him."

You couldn't believe what you were hearing. You didn't know Baji felt this way. You didn't think he ever looked at you like that. And you didn't know what to say. You were speechless.

"I'm sorry, y/n," he said again, "I'm sorry I fucked everything up. I'll go."

But before he could get up, you grabbed his wrist. "Wait," you said. "Don't go."

He turned back to you, face red and impossibly handsome. How had you never seen this before? How completely fucking beautiful he is. And how could you have missed the way he looked at you?

"I'm … sorry, Baj'. I'm sorry I never knew."

"It's not your fault, y/n. I don't blame you for anything. You can't help how you feel."

You nodded.

"What does that mean? Why are you nodding?"

You took his hand and held it in yours. "I don't know." The look in your eyes made him feel something he hadn't felt in so long. And he couldn't help but process that as some fresh new hell. Some new hurt. But still, he was stupidly hopeful.

Even though he didn't want to. He didn't want to think that maybe you could be his. But the way you looked at him right then gave him the tiniest bit of hope that maybe it was possible.

"Y/n? Babe? Where're ya at?" You pulled your hand from Baji's and put them on your lap.

"Sh-shit!" Baji said. "We're in here, Chifuyu. The bedroom." He said as casually as he could muster.

"Tryin' steal my girl, asshole?" Chifuyu laughed half-heartedly.

Baji did not. "Nah, man. Just talking. Catching up."

"Yeah. Ok. Well, Mikey says time to go."

"Shit, already? It's only been an hour."

"Yeah, he wants us all at his place. So, we should go. Don't wanna keep the boss waiting."

"Right. Ok, let's go." Baji got up and walked past Chifuyu without looking him in the eyes. "See ya around, y/n."

"Bye, Baj’-i. Baji." you said. You didn't know what to say. You didn't know what to do.

Baji left and Chifuyu looked at you with a frown. "What's wrong, babe?"

"Nothing."

"Doesn't look like nothing."

"It's nothing, really. Baji was just telling me about some ... something. No biggie. So you're leaving?" You got up and hugged him, trying not to think about the few minutes you and Baji had alone in your room. Holding hands on your bed.

Chifuyu hugged you back. "Yeah, sorry. Mikey says it's important. So, I gotta go. But I'll be back in the morning. Promise."

"Ok, well, I'll talk to you later, yeah? Be safe, Chi." You kissed him and he kissed you back like it was as easy to do as breathing and that broke you down a little bit more than you had anticipated.

What the hell is happening, you wondered. No, you knew what was happening. What is happening. And it was bad. It was so fucking bad. Because you couldn't stop thinking about Baji and his sweet face and his sad eyes. And how it would be nice to hold him and kiss him and make him feel better.

But that was insane. Wasn't it? You loved Chifuyu. You didn't want to be with anyone else. But then why did you feel this way? Why did you want to call Baji and tell him you felt the same?

You didn't know what to do. You were lost. And it was getting harder to pretend you were okay. Especially when you were around Baji. Especially especially when you were around Baji and Chifuyu at the same time.

So, you got into your bed and you texted Chifuyu a good night and a "miss you already" and you waited for him to text you his usual good night text.

It wasn't long and your phone vibrated. You smiled and picked it up next to you on the bed. Picking it up, you were anticipating what cute little thing Chifuyu was going to say to you.

Your smile only grew more wide when you saw it wasn't Chifuyu who'd texted you. 

It was Baji.

"What you doin', y/n?" He asked.

"Hi Baj'. I'm in bed. What you doin'?"

"Same. Just wanted to say g'night."

"Oh, ok. Well, thanks. G'night, Baji. Sweet dreams, yeah?"

"Gonna try and dream about you. And you can't stop me so don't come over here and try to or anything dumb like that, y/n. Got it?"

You surprised yourself: not only with how hard you laughed but that you were up and out of your bed before you knew what happened. Throwing on some leggings and a hoodie and heading out the front door.

Apparently, heading to Baji's place.

"Jesus Christ," he laughed when he opened the door. "Did you sprint here? You're a fucking mess."

"Yeah? Thanks! Anyway, I did run here. And I'm here, aren't I? You're not the only one who can't sleep." Your breathing started to level out after a minute or two of standing there with him.

He couldn't deny that he was missing how your chest heaved when your breathing was heavy. Even behind the baggy sweatshirt. He was missing the way your eyes sparkled in the dark. The way your hair looked messy and adorable. He was missing everything about you.

Until you got there, that is.

"Come in," he said, "make yourself at home."

"Thank you. So, what's up? Why can't you sleep?"

He shrugged. "Don't know. Just thinking too much."

"About?"

He rolled his eyes. "You know about what."

You nodded. "I do. And I think we need to talk about it, yeah? It's getting weird."

Baji swallowed and nodded. "Yeah. You're making things really awkward, y/n. I don't know how much more I can take - going on like this. You're a real pain in my ass."

You gasped, exaggerating hurt feelings and pushed him over on the living room couch. You climbed on top of him before you even knew what was happening.

And though you were only intending to tickle him and make him suffer in the most innocent way, it quickly evolved into something neither one of you had any business exploring with one another.

You felt his hands on your hips and his lips on yours before you had time to process it. And you had no idea what was going on.

You didn't know what to do.

But you knew you didn't want to stop. You didn't want to stop him.

"B-Baji," you said, pulling back just a bit. "Ffffuck! Baj'! Wh-what the hell!"

"I don't know," he said, "I just ... I couldn't help it."

"Yeah, well … neither can I. But we have to stop. We can't do this. We can't do this to Chifuyu! Fuck, man!"

You pulled back and jumped off him. And you started pacing around the living room.

"We can't do this, Baj'. We can't do this to him. We can't."

Baji got up and grabbed your waist, spinning you around to face him. He pulled you flush against the front of his body and kissed you again.

Harder this time.

With more purpose.

And you didn't have the strength to push him away.

You gave in.

Because you wanted to feel him. You wanted to be touched by him and you wanted to touch him. And you couldn't help yourself.

But you knew it was wrong. You knew it was bad.

"Baj'," you said, "we can't. We can't do this." You said between breaths and smashing your lips against his. You had your hands twisted and tangled up in his long, dark hair. Pulling on it as though it would get you even closer to him than you already were.

But it wouldn't.

It couldn't.

And you knew that. You both knew that.

But you couldn't stop. And it didn't matter that you had no idea what was going to happen after tonight.

All you could focus on is what was happening right now.

And right now, you were kissing Baji like it was the last thing you were ever going to do. Like he was the last person you were ever going to touch. Like he was the one who mattered the most.

Like you were never going to be the same again.

Because you weren't.

And you knew you weren't.

So, you did the only thing you could do in this situation:

You said fuck it and kept kissing him.

You said fuck it to what you and Chifuyu had.

You said fuck it to your morals. Fuck it to your conscience. Fuck it all.

Nothing had ever felt so right.

Not in a long time.

Not since you started dating Chifuyu.

And that's when you knew. You knew it was never going to be over, this thing that was blooming between you and Baji.

And you weren't sure what you were going to do about that.

So, you let Baji kiss you and hold you and make love to you that night. You let him because you needed it. You needed him.

And you knew that no matter what happened, it was never going to be the same.

Because you couldn't live without Baji.

Not anymore.

Not now that you'd seen him and touched him and loved him.

No, it wasn't going to be the same. Not ever.

And you were okay with that.

You were okay with it because you knew that it was always supposed to be like this.

Baji was always supposed to be yours.

And you were always supposed to be his.

You were always supposed to be together.

And it felt like the universe was finally putting everything back where it was always supposed to be.

You were complete.

And you had no idea what that meant or what it was going to lead to.

A couple of weeks after this started, Chifuyu asked you to go out with him and Baji. He said it wasn't going to be anything special. Not a date, though, just the three of you going out for dinner, maybe drinks.

You said yes.

Because you couldn't say no.

And Baji couldn't either.

You couldn't look at Chifuyu because you felt so bad.

But you had to.

You had to look at him.

You wanted to tell him.

You wanted to tell him everything.

You wanted to tell him how you felt.

You wanted to tell him how you were feeling about Baji. About him. About you and Chifuyu's relationship as it stood now. About you and Baji's relationship. That shouldn't even exist.

But it did.It does. 

And you weren't sure how to explain that.

You weren't sure how to tell him that you'd fallen in love with his best friend.

You weren't sure how to tell him that you were fucking said best friend and that it wasn't just sex.

It was love.

It was so much more than anything you’d ever experienced.

So, you sat there.

You sat there next to Chifuyu, holding his hand.

And you sat there across from Baji, your feet touching under the table at the booth. Your eyes staring back at the other's for longer than should have been acceptable.

"I'm gonna go grab some water," Chifuyu said, "you guys want anything else?"

"Nah, I'm good," Baji said.

"Me too," you said.

He nodded and walked over to the counter.

And Baji leaned forward. "We can't do this, y/n. We can't keep this up. I can't keep going like this. I can't keep sitting across from you and pretending like I don't want to rip your fucking clothes off and eat your pussy for the next 4 hours. That I don't want to fuck you stupid. I'm fucking getting hard right now just talking about it, y/n! Fuck."

"I know. I know, Baj'. This is killing me. I feel like I'm going to explode."

"What are we going to do? I can't lose you. And I won't lose Chifuyu. He's my best friend. But you're my, goddamn it y/n ... you're my soulmate."

"I … what?"

He nodded. "Yeah. And I know that sounds crazy and stupid but it's the truth. We were made for each other. I feel it. Do you feel it?"

"I , Baj'. I do. But we can't keep this up. We can't do this to Chifuyu."

Neither of you noticed him walk up to the table. "Do what to me? What are you guys goin' on about?"

Baji and you looked at each other. "Nothing," you said.

"You were talkin' about me, weren't you? Did you guys have a fight or something? Is that why you're over here whispering and shit?"

"N-no!" Baji said. "No, we didn't have a fight or anything like that. We were just talking, man. Just talking."

Chifuyu didn't seem to believe him. He squinted his eyes at the two of you and then shrugged. "Ok. Whatever. Anyway, here's your water. What do you guys want to eat?"

You didn't know. You didn't know what you wanted to eat. You didn't know if you wanted to eat. Ever again. All you could think about is how much this was going to hurt Chifuyu. And how much it was going to hurt Baji. And you.

But you had no choice.

You had to tell him.

You had to tell Chifuyu.

And you couldn't put it off any longer.

"Chi, Baj' has something he wants to tell you!" you yelled out so loudly the whole restaurant stopped whatever they were doing to stare at the disruptive girl.

"The FUCK, y/n!" Baji yelled back at you. "What the fuck are you doing?!" He hissed at you.

You shrugged. "I can't do this anymore, Baj'. I can't keep hiding it. I can't keep lying. It's not fair to him."

"You're gonna fucking do it now?"

You nodded.

And Chifuyu looked between the two of you. "What the hell is going on? What are you guys hiding?"

"I ... um ... we ... we've been sleeping together," Baji said, hanging his head.

"You fucking what?" Chifuyu looked at you. "You've been fucking my best friend? Behind my back? Are you fucking kidding me, y/n? You're fucking kidding me. This isn't funny. This isn't funny at all."

"I'm sorry, Chi. I didn't mean for this to happen. It just did. It's not like we planned it or anything. It just happened."

"Yeah, it just happened! That's real fucking convenient. You just accidentally fell onto his dick. Real fucking nice, y/n. I can't believe you. I can't believe either of you. You know what? Fuck this shit. You guys deserve each other. I hope you're happy together." Chifuyu threw his napkin down on the table and stormed out of the restaurant.

Leaving you and Baji at the table and everyone in there staring at you again.

You got up and started to chase after Chifuyu. Baji just sat there, taking a sip of his drink. "Fuckin' shit," he said, "this was a bad idea."

You found Chifuyu outside, sitting on a bench next to the entrance of the restaurant. "H-hey," you said, sitting down next to him.

"Leave me alone, y/n. I don't want to talk to you."

"I know. I'm sorry, ok? I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you, Chi. You know that, right? You know I would never want to hurt you on purpose."

"Yeah, well, you did. You did hurt me. And you have been hurting me for weeks."

"Chi, you have to under- wait, what did you just say? You've known about this? Chi!"

"Yeah, I fucking knew about it. I'm not an idiot. I could tell you guys had something going on. And I let it go because I thought it was nothing. I thought it was a crush or something. I thought I could trust you BOTH to do the right thing here. Instead, you've been fucking each other - behind my back, for weeks and NOT telling me how you felt. You know, the worst part is, I'm not even that surprised. Baji is great. You're great. It was inevitable that you two would find your way into each other's arms. I mean, come on, now. You'd have to be fucking blind to not want to be with either of you."

"I'm so sorry, Chi." You had tears running down your face. But you weren't sure why you were crying. It was all just a lot to process. Chifuyu's reaction, Baji's lack of reaction. All of it.

"It's fine. I'm not mad at you, y/n. I'm mad at Baji. And I'm mad at myself for not seeing this coming. For not stopping it before it went too far. For being in love with you when you're clearly in love with him."

You didn't know what to say. You didn't know what to do. So, you just sat there.

And you let Chifuyu talk.

"I think I knew it was happening before it did. I tried to ignore it. I tried to pretend like it wasn't a big deal. But it was. And it still is."

"I'm so sorry, Chi. I … honest to God never ... ever never wanted to hurt you."

"But you did. And I can't forgive you for that. I don't know if I ever will. And we can't be together anymore. Not now."

"I understand." You had to choke out those words. They were getting caught in your throat as you tried not to sob.

"Fuck. Don't cry, y/n. We can still be friends. I mean, I don't hate you or anything. I'll just never trust you with anything important. Ever again. Like, ever."

"I know. I know, Chi. I get it."

He nodded. "Ok. Well, I'm gonna go. You should go back in there and talk to Baji. Tell him what happened. He deserves to know how badly he fucked up."

"Y- … I will."

"Good. Take care, y/n. And tell him I said good luck with you. That he's dating a whore, liar and cheater. Tell him I said to have fun with that."

You forced yourself to laugh. You knew Chifuyu well enough to know he didn't mean everything he just said to you. Maybe ⅔’s of it. Though you wouldn't bet money on which ⅔’s he was referring to.

Walking back to the restaurant you saw Baji sitting at the table. His shoulders slumped down and his head hung over the table.

"Hey," you said, sitting down across from him.

"What happened? Did you find Chifuyu?"

"Yeah. He was outside. He left"

"Oh. Ok."

"He knows, Baj'. He knew all along."

"Fuck, y/n! Why didn't you tell me that? You should have told me that. Jesus Christ, man! That changes everything."

"I didn't know he knew! Stop yelling at me! You're just as responsible for this shit as I am! Maybe more!"

"Yeah, ok. Whatever. It's done. Let's just go home."

"What? Home? Where is home?"

"You know where it is. My place. You know, the place you've been fucking me every night for the past 2 weeks. The place where you've been sleeping with me and lying to my best friend. Yeah, that home. You remember that one, right?"

"Yeah, I'm familiar." You scowled at him.

"Ok, good." He stood from the table and walked toward the exit, not waiting for you.

You followed him out, running to catch up. You walked next to him in silence, the tension thick in the air around you.

Neither of you had any idea what was going to happen next.

You didn't know if you were going to be together. after this. If you should be together after this.

And you didn't know what to do about it.

So, you did the only thing you could: You kept walking until you got to Baji's house.

And when you got there, you went inside.

Because you didn't want to think about anything else.

The emptiness you felt in the fresh absence of Chifuyu was so painful that you wanted to escape this reality. And the only way to do that was to let yourself be whisked away by Baji in the little fantasy world the two of you had created a couple of weeks ago in his room.

He pulled you down onto the bed and rest his hand on the curve of your waist and he put his forehead against yours.

"I'm sorry." He said.

"Sorry?" You whispered back to him. All the while, thinking about his lips and the rest of him and how it was all yours for the taking now. You could have him in his entirety.

You didn't know what you were going to do with that.

"Yeah. I'm sorry for all this. I shouldn't have fallen in love with you. I knew better."

"Baj'. You're not the only one who fell here. I love you too. So hard and so fast. I don't know what the fuck happened."

He kissed your mouth, his lips just grazing yours. It sent a jolt down your spine. You know that kiss. You know what it means. The look in his eyes. On his face. You'd become well acquainted with Baji's everything over the last few weeks.

Except now, it didn't hurt to acknowledge it. That you liked it. That you sat around, fantasizing about it when you weren't together. And that you thought about him more than you wanted to admit to yourself.

You wrapped your hand around the back of his head and held him tightly by the hair, pulling him on top of you. He pushed into you, grinding his hips against yours as he kissed you with a ferocity that you couldn't deny.

You were never going to be the same after tonight.

Not ever.

Not after Baji.

@kazutora-kurokawa @katkusuo @viburnt @arlerts-angel @darkstarlight82

[asocialangel]

i saw ur post asking for blue lock requests! what about fake dating with shidou? 💕

What Could Be

↬fake dating Shidou

chapter 1 – chapter 2 – chapter 3 – [...]

Thank you for giving me a prompt ! I hope this satisfies u ! This is my first time actually writing for Shidou so prayin this isn’t ooc… And mainly i hope that you're okay with a series instead of a one shot...

This will be a multiple chapter story !! And i will post them whenever they are ready !! So please enjoy chapter one as i air my first "chapter" writing !! Yayyy 😎 Shidou x fem!manager!reader. Fake dating. 700w.

Chapter 1, Any Other Name

[no warnings]

It’s the first of the month and as every first of the month you receive your paycheck. It was your fourth one, meaning it had been four months since you started working at blue lock. You wish you could say you were a manager there, but your paycheck said otherwise. Assistant to auxiliary tasks. Yeah, that has a lesser of a ring to it. But still, you enjoyed your job, maybe because you got to be around cute boys all day, but mostly because it meant you could get away from your parents a bit. You had freshly graduated when you received a mysterious job offer, from an acquaintance of your former employer. You decided it could be a good idea to leave the family house to get some air. It was indeed ! Because you go to reinvent yourself, even make up a fake name 'cause you felt like it. So here you were Vivi.

Well you were Vivi to most people. Except for this stupid boy that always mockingly despised you, so much you weren't sure if it was a joke anymore. To Shidou, you were maid-vivi. As if the only task you did was cleaning. Well, he was kinda right but you would have never admitted it to him. You still had paperwork and PR work to do sometimes...

You took your paycheck and exited Ego's office. And as you made your way to your staff room (your personal bedroom if you may) you bumped into him, yet again. It seemed like your paths always crossed, you could swear you saw him more than your own reflection these days. “Maid-viviiii” he sang as he walked towards the cafeteria. “Shidou.” Suddenly a crazy thought came to you. You could blackmail him. And win money with it. Obviously you wouldn't extort it out of him, but more at the situation. You grinned. When was it you became evil ? 

“Are you holding up well ?” You turned around before he was too far away. He stopped and turned around too, to see your face. You could see his incomprehension at your concerned face. “What do you mean, maid vivi ? I’m always well, and I recovered perfectly from yesterday's match as a U-20, as I always do”. You wanted to mock him so badly: “even though you lost ?”. But you said instead: “Oh.. So you haven't seen then ?” God you started feeling bad for being this machiavellian. “People online, they found out about, you know… You swinging that way. I’m sorry they outed you to everyone this way. But worry not Shidou, I'll still treat you the same as I am actually an ally to ga–" "I’M NOT GAY !”. Damn he got started fast. Perfect. “WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT”. “Uhm, netizens, but as I said every sexuality is fine and–”. “I’m not a fucking gay ! I respect them obviously but I'm not like… Like them !” He was still shouting. “Oh… they lied then ? But they showed old tweets you had on your profile and–” “Impossible, I’ve never done anything like that. I swear i will find these fuckers and make them pay”. “Well they can pay all they want but now everyone knows- uh i mean thinks you’re a homosexual”. “Why do you put it that way ?! Pfff I need to prove ‘em I'm not. Maybe if i retweet hetero porn it’ll convinc–”. “Ooh i don’t think you need to go that far”. As you said the sentence, another lightbulb appeared and lit in your head. This whole prank –cause yeah it was a prank, no netizens ever found any tweet– was solely to piss him off. But now you could get something else out of it. “I think dating a girl would be enough. Good luck on finding someone while you live here 24/7 tho. Anyway I need to go now ! Good luck !”. Both these sentences were not complete lies. “Fuck…” you heard him hiss down low as you left. 

What did you get out of this crazy man stunt ? The satisfaction of seeing him suffer AND something that will most likely bring new audiences to Blue Lock TV. BLTV had already started unbeknownst to the boys. If Shidou, one of the most populars contestants, had a girlfriend, it would create new drama that’d bring a new audience. And you being the start of that would most likely mean a raise ! Double homicide. 

That was your ideal without actually thinking things through. Because who was the only girl Shidou could turn to, while living here 247 as you said ? Yup. 

[ y o u ]

A/N: AHH I NEVER MEAN FOR THIS TO BE A SERIES ??!!! but it just came naturally... This will be a new exercise so I'm actually keen to see how it goes, how i'll do !! Also i forced myself to be concise cause i always do the longessttt (almost annoying i feel like) writings so i hope it's still comprehensible. FEEDBACK IS SO GREATLY APPRECIATED !!! hehe love u, u reading this...

[annoyinglyhardsong]

Codywan Week 2024 Day 2: Beating Rival Suitors off with a Stick

Author Note: Hello again lovelies! Here we are with day 2! This was I believe one of the art prompts for @codywanweek but I am not a talented enough artist yet to do this prompt any justice past some awkward stick figure creatures. So to writing it goes. I had planned on going full crack fic with this because the idea of Obi-Wan literally beating people away from Cody seemed so hilarious, and maybe I'll get around to actually doing that, but for now this was the closest I could get to it. As always, likes, reblogs, comments, are all very much welcomed and appreciated! Happy Codywan Week! Divider by @saradika-graphics, if you are looking for any cute graphics or dividers they have tons of amazing ones!

Tags/Warnings: Mostly SFW, a few suggestive themes, protective Obi-Wan, jealous Obi-Wan, clueless Cody, a highly amused Rex, alcohol.

Mando’a translations: 

Cyare- beloved

Jetii- Jedi

Kriff - fuck

Dank farrik- some kind of curse 

This was supposed to be a nice relaxing night out with friends, but was slowly becoming anything but that. As the night went on Obi-Wan could feel his eye starting to twitch more, and his blood pressure rising. He tried to hide his scowl behind the rim of his glass as another woman slid up next to Cody and Rex and started flirting with his partner.

This woman was a beautiful golden skinned Twi-lek with striking orange freckles, and was the fifth woman who had tried to flirt with the Commander. There had been some men too, and Obi-Wan couldn’t blame them. Cody was a striking man even out of uniform. He was tall and broad, with kind brown eyes and a soothing voice and demeanor. 

He couldn’t hide the self satisfied smirk that spread across his features when the woman slunk away after a few minutes of conversation with Cody. A few had tried to flirt with Rex when they realized they quickly weren’t going to get anywhere with Cody, but Rex could be prickly on the best of days and I guess this woman decided not to press her luck too much and cut her losses. 

But still the almost never ending string of suitors was starting to get to Obi-Wan. Noticing his glass was empty he ordered something a little stronger. A double of Corellian whiskey on the rocks. 

He and Cody had been together for a year and a half at this point. They were stable and happy in what they had for each other. Obi-Wan surely had never felt like this towards anyone else before and he tried to make sure that Cody knew just how much he meant to Obi-Wan. He would worship the ground that man walked on if able to. And he always felt complete and confident knowing Cody was his loyal commander and right hand man when it came to strategizing and charging into battle. 

In fact Obi-Wan would probably say this was the most secure and confident about himself he had ever felt. There was almost always a little bit of doubt lingering in the back of Obi-Wan’s mind that he wasn’t good enough. That he wasn’t dedicated to the Code enough, that he needed to meditate more, that his ‘saber techniques weren’t sharp enough, his battle plans not thorough enough, that if he had even an ounce of time for himself that he needed to be using it to help others and support the Order. He never felt selfless enough, even though he gave almost everything he had and was able to, to those around him. 

But with Cody those nagging thoughts stopped. Almost completely. Cody was able to calm the storm inside his mind with a glance or a touch of the hand. Cody helped inspire a confidence in him that he so rarely actually felt, and on the days when his anxiety started to eat at him or he felt like he had failed his men after a particularly rough mission, Cody was there to catch him and remind him of how much he did right. Of how many men he was able to save, of how he is able to fix almost any negotiation and find some common ground, of how his troops look up to him and trust him, and of how much care he shows them when most other nat-borns treat them like nothing more than flesh droids. 

He was confident in his relationship. So why was this stream of suitors making him so uneasy? Surely he wasn’t one to stoop so low as to be frazzled by possessive jealousy like a hormone addled padawan. 

But as another suitor sidled up to Rex and Cody, nothing hiding the lust in their gaze as they eyed both men, possibly in the hopes of taking both of them home tonight, something in the older man snapped. 

Cody was his, dank farrik. How dare others think they could flirt with his cyare? That was his beloved, and he was going to make sure everyone in the galaxy knew it. 

He knocked back the rest of his drink in one go, wincing momentarily at the burn. He threw down an amount that he thought was enough credits to close out their tab for the evening and purposefully walked up to the trio. 

Sauntering up behind Cody, he slunk an arm around the trim waist of his boyfriend, placing a kiss on the back of his neck mischievously, before propping his chin on the slightly taller man’s shoulder and fixing the interloper with an icy glare that would scare shinies out of their boots. 

Cody brought his free hand up to loosely clasp around Obi-Wan’s. “Hello love, is everything alright?” Cody greeted gently. 

“Perfectly fine darling. Just missed you is all.” Obi-Wan responded keeping his eyes leveled at the interloper.

The housewrecker squinted his eyes at Obi-Wan slightly, gauging what type of threat Obi-Wan was going to make to his evening’s prospects. But little did he know he had just come toe to toe with a durasteel wall that would not be intimidated. He had stared down sith and other nightmares on an almost daily basis his whole life. This was a training exercise. 

“I believe I was just about to buy you boys a drink,” the challenger tried to draw Cody’s attention back to himself.

 Rex had backed away slightly from the stand off that was happening in front of him, not wanting to get any more involved than he already was and with a look on his face that made him appear to be in pain, when in reality he was minutes away from busting out in a peal of laughter at the entire thing. 

Cody went to answer for himself but Obi-Wan beat him to it. Hand tightening further around Cody’s waist as he answered, “Oh really? I thought you had mentioned you wanted to leave soon dear.” A slight edge to his tone. 

Cody’s face had started to flush from the blatant display Obi-Wan was putting on. He was never this forward or possessive, usually allowing Cody to handle himself, while watching from a safe distance in case anything were to go awry. But tonight something had ignited a fire in his other half that he had never seen before and he would be the first to admit he thought it was sexy as hell. 

Flustered he tried to respond calmly, “Oh? Is it getting late already? It really isn’t much of a bother if you wanted to stay longer. Rex and I were just catching up since we haven’t been deployed together in a while.” Cody realized he was rambling and wasn’t entirely sure who he was trying to placate at this point. 

Obi-Wan hummed and started kissing and nibbling up Cody’s neck to the sensitive spot just behind his ear. “Hmm. I would agree with you dear, but I believe we had additional plans for the evening that I am very eager to get to.”

Cody’s blush had deepened to a shade of maroon and stretched from the tips of his ears to where his neck disappeared beneath his blacks. His brain was not working anymore, too distracted by Obi-Wan’s ministrations to his neck trailing fire that seemed to zip down his spine and pool low in his belly. “O-Other..plans?” he almost squeaked out. 

“Oh yes. I believed it involved getting you out of this armor and seeing how quickly I can get you screaming my name.” Obi-Wan stated, voice pitched low and husky, still attacking Cody’s neck and giving a small bite and a tug to his earlobe. 

If the interloper had had any hope left to woo and sway Cody and Rex to coming home with him for the evening it almost immediately evaporated at the display in front of him. One trooper he had targeted, a deep blush coloring his skin nicely, eyes blown wide with lust and desire, sending small smiles at the man wrapped around him. The other trooper he had hoped to woo, was far too entertained by the entire situation, and he had more self respect than to embarrass himself by still trying to entice him to bed. Given the strong reaction of the ginger man to the trooper in orange, he would rather assume that the blonde in blue was spoken for in a similar manner. 

The interloper decided to cut his losses, at this point the ginger might actually bed the trooper he was wrapped around with the entire bar as witnesses, and well after this display he had lost his desire to try and find someone to bring home. Clearing his throat awkwardly and bowing in a quick apology he walked away from the trio and disappeared into the crowd. 

As soon as Obi-Wan lost sight of the person who had been trying to make a move on his cyare, he relaxed just a little and stopped the intense assault on Cody’s neck, but remained wrapped around his boyfriend. Enjoying the presence and warmth of the other man. 

Cody, recovering a little from the onslaught of attention, whipped his head around to glare at Obi-Wan unsuccessfully. No matter what he couldn’t really be mad at the man, at least in this situation. “What. Was that all about?!” Cody asked Obi-Wan incredulously. He really had never seen the man react like that, and bringing up their bedroom activities was a new level of public openness that neither of them ever really breached. They both preferred to keep their private affairs private and sacred between the two of them. 

Rex, seeing the hungry look in Obi-Wan’s eye, decided to silently slip away, giving the two a bit more privacy, and feeling awkward as a third wheel. “I got tired of people flirting with you and trying to make a move on you. You’re my cyare and kriff it, I’m going to make sure everyone knows it,” Obi-Wan practically growled. 

Cody was starting to put the pieces together now. Obi-Wan could be insecure and he couldn’t have his Jetii feeling that way about their relationship. “Obi-Wan. I love you. No matter how many people try to flirt with me or make a move, you’re the one who has my heart. Always,” Cody said seriously. Obi-Wan looked ashamed for a few seconds before Cody continued, interrupting whatever train of thought the ginger had picked up, “But I will say I do like this side of you. It’s kinda hot,” he finished softly.

“Oh yeah?” Obi-Wan started, mischievous glint back in his eye, “Well I guess I better get you home then and follow through with those plans,” before closing the gap between the two for a quick kiss on the lips as he whisked his commander back to his rooms in the Temple. 

[dionysism]

wanna go more in depth for your hatred about tsoa? is it really REALLY inaccurate? im start to get more into greek mythology and many recommended that book to me besides the obvious ones like the actual materials

(btw i love your posts mwa mwa stay hydrated)

sure! yes it is very inaccurate. let me just say though its been like 3 years since i read it and i'm currently out of state so i don't have it on me to skim through but perhaps one day i will reread it just to make a whole masterpost on everything i hate about it. maybe not tho because it was agonizing enough on the first read 💀

also let me put a trigger warning here i will be mentioning sexual assault in this post because it's in the book and i'll be referring to that scene

so i have a lot of issues with it let me try to organize my thoughts... her characterization is my main issue. just terrible. also i feel like her writing is like.... weird or unfitting sometimes. like theres a scene where patroclus (who is like... 11 or 12 at this point maybe younger) says achilles is "still plump with childhood" or something (again probably not the exact quote its been a minute but something similar) which is just not how 11 year olds talk about other 11 year olds? its supposed to be from patroclus' perspective and i just feel like when shes writing him as a kid he still sounds, thinks, and talks like a grown adult. sometimes he doesn't even sound like patroclus he just sounds like madeline miller.

which brings me to her characterization of patroclus in general. just fucking horrific was her inspo troy (2004)? she made him this medic twink who only heals and even when he finally does fight in achilles armor its like he gets kills on pure luck and you're supposed to be shocked. patroclus in the iliad is 1. older than achilles and 2. a great warrior! this is why achilles lets him don his armor in the first place because he KNOWS how good patroclus is on the battlefield. also patroclus has anger and rage of his own! he is not a smol uwu baby don't PISS ME OFF! his kill count crazy. idek where she got the medic thing from there's like one (1) scene in the iliad where patroclus helps an injured solider in the camp but he is most certainly not the medic of the greeks. he's dull in tsoa. he has hardly any personality outside his love for achilles.

next is her thetis. this, i think, enrages me more than anything else. thetis is a character of grief. thetis is a goddess who, for all her power, is ultimately unable to change the fate of her son. she may be a little overbearing at times, but NOTHING like how she is in tsoa. madeline miller makes her a homophobic (?) helicopter abusive mother (i say ? on the homophobia because im not sure if it was homophobia or if she just hated patroclus specifically. if it was homophobia the stupidity of making an ancient greek god homophobic speaks for itself) thetis doesn't even hate patroclus in the iliad, in fact, thetis is the one who preserves his body and keeps it fresh and prevents it from rotting while achilles waits for his new armor and then goes out to fight hector. she tells achilles he could lay there for a year and she would keep him unchanged. in tsoa, she forces them apart, and tells achilles if he does not sleep with deidamia, she will never let him see patroclus again. this is insane to me. thetis would not set her son up for s/a and force him to sleep with someone against his will. and mind you this occurs after she's already stated clearly that thetis is a victim of rape herself. i assume this is madeline miller's way of asserting that achilles has no attraction to women while still being able to have his son in the plot later. this again, is stupid to me. if you want to argue achilles may have been gay, fine, homosexuality was complicated in ancient greece and you could potentially make the argument his sleeping with women was to uphold a reputation but i think it's more accurate that he was probably just attracted to both. however i think you can make him explicitly gay in a retelling without adding sexual assault to his story. i also find this especially distasteful because in actual antiquity achilles is the one committing sexual assault. (if i had a nickel for every time madeline miller made a character who canonically assaults someone else a victim of s/a while removing the fact they commit it themselves from the story i'd have 2 nickels. which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice, right?) in general i find it very weird how madeline, on multiple occasions, demonizes a woman from mythology and makes her into a villain she simply is not. this y'alls "feminist retelling" author? oh okay.. i guess! (her deidama is an antagonist in this too, as a hysterical jealous Other Woman)

i also felt she imposed too many modern standards/heteronormativity onto achilles and patroclus' relationship. like i said with patroclus, making him the weak defenseless healer and achilles the badass warrior. very much giving one is strong and masculine and the other is nurturing and feminine. changing the aspects of their other relationships so its like they've only ever loved eachother and no else which isn't necessary. achilles and patroclus could (and do, in the iliad) sleep with other people and it would not diminish how intense and true their love for each other is!!

over all she sanitized the story, flattened it and butchered all the characters with a sprinkle of fetishization and misogyny on top. the book is frankly boring and underdeveloped too. this is honestly not as in depth of a review as i would like to give but like i said i don't have access to the book at the moment so i just stuck to the core grievances i remember having

(also thank you, you stay hydrated too!! <3)

[gemstone-roses]

Hannibal

Trigger warning for self harm.

Request is under the read more.

A:N- this is a one off, i will not be doing any other requests on this subject so please do not ask. This is not meant to romanticise or anything, I am writing from past experiences and if any of the themes in this fic are triggering, don't read it. this was requested by @melavoris . Also Thankyou for being so respectful of my boundaries when requesting this fic! 💖

Request: can you do hannibal with a reader who self harms and he sees her healing scars and what he would do.

sorry for this taking so long- I had to take a break from uni and have felt like a complete fucking failure so... anyway, time to crawl out of my self pity hole, here you go! I tried to keep it vague whilst also including the details you asked for.

Warnings: self harm(no actual scenes of this but its the theme of the fic), scars, , hurt /comfort, 18+ only thanku! Female reader.

it's an avalanche of bad luck that ends with you and hannibal in this four room motel, with only one bed of course, stranded in the middle of the country, with a storm brewing for the night.

Jack had sent the two of you to interview someone connected to the case, you and hannibal worked well together, your skills and knowledge complimented each others work.

"I don't have anything to wear" you whined at hannibal, a smirk making it's way across his face.

"I have a spare shirt you can wear" hannibal says, because of course this man keeps spare shirts in his boot.

The shirt is long enough for you to keep a little dignity at least.

"I'll take the cou- you begin to say before he cuts you off.

"No, you will not, the bed is big enough for us both, the couch is big enough for neither of us" he says, matter of factly. But he's right, you could barely sit two people on the couch let alone lie and sleep on it.

"Um, alright" you say, slightly nervous.

"it's okay y/n" , he reassures you, seeming to sense your apprehension.

By the time hannibals out the shower, you've drifted off to sleep, he chuckles quietly at the sight, one leg flung over the quilt, arm shoved under the pillow.

It's not until hannibal gets in the other side and sees the flashes of red across your thigh.

Hannibal gently tugs the quilt until its free, he puts it back over you, tucks you in softly.

The next morning, your awoken by the shower running, hannibal in nothing but a towel.

"I saved you some hot water" he smiles.

There's a bottle of antiseptic on the shower shelf, thats lucky, you thought.

Your packing up your things to finally get out of this shitty room when hannibal gently catches your arm.

"Y/n, are you alright?" He asks, his voice is comforting, soothing, laced with concern.

"Im okay" you say.

"Hm". Hannibal smiles slightly, but he's not satisfied with your response.

Hannibal cares for you, deeply. You and him are close, he hates to think of you struggling on your own.

Hannibals driving, he asks if you'd like to come over for dinner, since there's no point going back to the office this late. You agree, delighted, his cooking is something else.

You make yourself comfortable while he dots about his house.

"Here, I have something for you" hannibal says, there's that deep comforting voice again that makes you feel safe.

You eye him confused, its a rubber band.

"Some of my patients, they've said it helps, in the short term" he says, his eyes never leave yours, but there's no pity or sadness or anything at all like that.

He's holding your hand in his, his grip tight, but not hard.

"It's okay y/n" he smiles, his hand moves to your cheek.

"Thankyou" you say quietly.

Hannibal doesn't let go of you as he speaks again.

"Whatever it is, y/n, I'm here".

"There are many things to try that can help, if you like, I can work through them with you". He adds.

"we don't have to talk, not tonight, but I want you to be safe and know that I'm not going anywhere, I'm here, I'll always be here". Hannibal soothes.

"okay" you nod, as he pulls you into a hug.

He holds you tight, but softly.

"Okay" he agrees.

[aachria]

Hi again! Before I started writing my fic, I just wanted to ask if you would be ok with the ocs I created knowing Ed from before they got isekai'd. I have 2 of them and I'll briefly summarize how each of them knew Ed from 'before' so to speak. Both of them use their 'actual' names which is why it takes them longer to realize Ed is the Ed they knew.

Pathaan D. 'Agh' Akhtar-Waqiyah (I'm using the same surname-first syntax like the One piece characters do) was going to be about 3 years older than Ed and either be a friend of Ed's mysterious sister or a fellow One Piece fan that Ed met at a con for one piece or something pre truck kun. I was planning on having her spend the timeskip under either fujitora's or Hancock's tutelage and refer to Ed as 'Elric' (fmab reference).

As for the other oc, her name is T.T. Josune (and yes the Ts stand for something lol). She was the oc I was a bit more iffy about because when I was fleshing her out, I pictured her to be an ex of Ed's or an old situationship (and yes, i was listening to Chapell Roan drafting these ocs 😔). As a result, I wasn't sure if you'd be comfortable with that, so I just wanted to check with you.

If you have any suggestions, it'd be really appreciated and I'd love to add them.

I was also curious abt why you were iffy with Boa. Honestly, there are a lot of reasons for that but i was curious abt it since the latest update.

Wow, this was way longer than I expected 😭 Can't wait for the latest chapter.

Oh having OCs who knew Ed from before is SICK and I love that.

Love the idea of Agh knowing Ed's sister, I'd imagine before the... incident she'd be the cool older sibling who would drag Ed around with her friends to make them be social and just because her friends thought Ed was funny. I don't think Ed was much of a con person (they got that introvertism in them ✊😔) but they could have gone to one or two if you'd like to go that route. And her calling Ed Elric is HILARIOUS and I love it.

T. T. Josune is a BALLER ass name and I love it. Titty jokes galore. Ed is one of those people who figured out romance Was Not for them pretty early on, so they haven't had a lot of RELATIONSHIP relationships, but something with a more queerplatonic or fwb dynamic would work. Ed is very upfront with people about the aromantic thing and communicating that romance is never on the table with them, but they aren't opposed to exclusivity or commitment. Being exes or a situationship is fucking hilarious and has to much potential, I am 100% on board with that.

I love Boa Hancock. She is so very wonderful and such an amazing character, she just touches a loooot of boxes that can be. A little odd. I'm going to try and portray her in a very specific way, but I don't want to change or nudge things so much as to take away from her character. Boa is a very careful balancing act but I have so much love for that insane ass woman.

I wish you the utmost luck with your writing and believe in you fully 🫡

[queen-mihai]

It's official. I'm homeless. Why? Did I lose my job? No. I've still got my job. Getting paid every month. Did I piss someone off? No. As far as I can tell everyone is all smiles. Was it some sudden thing? No. I've been applying to houses and apartments and condos for months.

I'm homeless because no one wants me to have a home.

Now, as is my way, even when I'm sinking to the bottom, I'm still lucky. I did sign a lease for a new apartment, finally. But I can't move in until at least the 15th. And I need to pay a pretty hefty deposit, so I can't just relax in luxury at some hotel until I move in. I'm in a tiny cabin until Sunday and after that I'm on the fucking street, because I can't spend anything more until it's time for my deposit to be paid and if I pay even for this tiny cabin I won't be able to afford it.

I need to sleep in my coat, because it's winter in Norway and the cabin doesn't have a bathroom, so if I suddenly need to go, I can't spend the time putting on my coat suit thing and would have to freeze on my way there and back.

Again

This. Is because. People took one look at me. And decided they'd rather let their places rot than rent to me.

I could have been moved into a new place a month ago. I had the money then.

I could have been moved into a new place two months ago. I had the money then.

The only reason I didn't is because no one wanted to rent to me.

I could not write a more scathing indictment of socialism. Or a more glowing endorsement of capitalism.

I'll admit I've been lucky in my life to have had good jobs and good opportunities. That luck has paid dividends in that I've never really struggled to find money. And in America that fact helped me thrive, even though I was always scared of the cops and scared of lawmakers and scared of nervous people in Walmart giving me the side eye

But I've Never. Ever. Ever been turned away from a place that I could afford when I could afford it. Green is the only color that has ever mattered and I'm not broke here either.

This isn't about money.

I could afford any of the places I applied to.

And in America that would have been enough.

Here, though? 3. Fucking. Months. 3 months it took me to find someone who wouldn't turn away in disgust the moment they saw me. And that's with good income and a good payment history.

This world needs work. Bad. And people need to look at their biases and stop thinking "we're nicer than that".

Because you're NOT.

Now to try and rest while I still have a place to do so

[princess-lvcifer]

fourteen years

ihsahn/faust • 1K • hurt no comfort

Summary: Ihsahn breaks up with Faust before the drummer goes to prison

A/N: This is similar to my previous Emperor x F!Reader and Emperor x Emperor works because I love exploring the angst of a loved one going far away for months and years. I wrote the first paragraphs and I thought "Wait this could be also yaoi... What should I write...? Fuck it I'll write every version I have in mind."

𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐

"Fourteen years," Bård announced looking at Vegard as he met the rest of the band for the first time after being sentenced, in the house where they all lived together.

The vocalist was expressionless, cold and serious. That sentence didn't surprise him, it was to be expected after the confession and he had long been aware that he would be rotting in prison for a good couple of years.

He was always aware of the things his band members and other friends did, he didn't agree and didn't want to participate, but he kept quiet and just like them he thought they would never get caught, being infected by that mentality of being unstoppable and having luck always on their side — but Varg ruined everyone's party. Øystein's murder at the hands of Varg the year before capped the fun in the Norwegian black metal scene.

The months between then and now had been very hard, with all the members of his band and other friends being interrogated and judged, including himself. The police had rightly started a witch-hunt and unfortunately his boyfriend had blood on his hands. Both Bård and he knew that the only fair thing to do was to confess to the major crime he had committed, even though the police had no evidence to point to him as the murderer. And instead of living like there was no tomorrow, making the most of the time they would soon be without, the relationship grew tense and cold. They both had doubts about whether they were still together, and Bård was terrified at the mere thought of asking and having an awkward conversation, probably a break-up.

Vegard had a year to psyche himself up, and yet he was still hurt and furious that absolutely all the members of his band were going to prison, some longer and some less. He was furious with all of them for what they had done, especially Bård.

A knock on his bedroom door caught his attention, snapping him out of his thoughts. It could be any one of them, but he had a feeling it was his boyfriend, or rather, the one who was. They still had an important conversation to have, just as there were still a few days before the future prisoners were due to enter prison, and before that they would go to his parents' house to spend their last days of freedom with their families. The next day they would pack their bags and leave, and he wouldn't see them again until God knows when.

"Come in," he said and the door opened. No light came in when he opened it, the light in the hallway was out as was the light in his room. He could barely see who it was, but his silhouette was enough to tell him apart.

"Hello," the assassin whispered as he closed the door behind him.

"Hello," he replied in the same tone as he reached over to his bedside table and turned on the small lamp there.

"We need to talk..." he said as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"Do we?" He asked incredulously with a raised eyebrow, and at that moment Bård knew that the conversation would be much harder and more difficult than he had already imagined. "I don't have to say anything."

"Look, I know I've fucked up pretty good, but I love you—"

"And?" He asked as before as he raised his arms to rest his hands behind his head. "No matter how much you say that, it's not going to fix anything."

"Fuck, do you have to be so cold?" he asked annoyed and on the verge of despair.

"If you're cold, go burn another church. Or if it bothers you so much kill me."

"Fuck Vegard," he said hurt at having his crimes rubbed in his face, clearly with the intention of hurting him and at the little effort he was making to make the conversation easier.

"There's nothing to talk about, I'm clearly not going to wait for you for fourteen years, in many ways," he said matter-of-factly.

Hearing that was like a bucket of cold water falling on him, leaving him completely paralysed and hurt, in shock with his eyes like vinyls as they began to get wetter and wetter. It was not only what he had said, but how he had said it — as if he meant nothing to him, as if he didn't care about his feelings. Bård even had to look away from him for a few seconds, he couldn't even bear to look at his expressionless face at that moment. He opened his mouth trying to say something, but even he didn't know what to say, having to spend a few seconds staring at the floor pondering what he would say next.

"Did you have to say it, just like that?" he said as he raised his head to look at him again.

"Not to have done what you did," he shrugged.

"Yeah, but then what did you want me to do? Not confess?"

"I wish you hadn't become a criminal, and above all a murderer," he said now more annoyed, angry and hateful. "But what's done is done, it's too late now."

"I love you Vegard, please," he confessed and begged as he burst into tears, tears falling from his now red eyes and his voice breaking.

""Please"!? Please what?" asked the aforementioned man angrily again.

"I don't know, I just want some affection from you," he replied.

"This conversation is becoming a pointless loop," he said lowering his arms and rubbing his fingers across his forehead. "It'll pass, especially when you get away from me. In fourteen years neither of us will have feelings for each other, I promise."

"I will."

"No, you won't."

"That's it? After all we've been through?"

"Again," he said annoyed and above all tired in many ways: "If it bothers you so much that we've been separated for so long, you should have thought about it before killing that man. Now go to sleep, go on," he said pointing his thumb at the door next to him.

Maybe breaking a murderer's heart isn't the best idea, but Vegard needed to express himself and make things clear to Bård so that he wouldn't get his hopes up about a possible future together and would be more aware of what he had done.

𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐 𖤐

A/N: English isn't my first language, sorry if something was weird expressed. 🇪🇸

Crossposted on my AO3.

[fireangelsstuff-inactive-2024]

Hello again anon 🐯

I have what some would consider a "Narrative brain", at least that's what my smart friend the microbial ecologist lecturer/researcher calls it

It is a mild explanation for how I'm able to perceive the marketing narrative hints on things

Yes, that also means I have both a flair for the melo/dramatic but also a penchant for writing inverted metaphor for those clever enough to have picked up on the tricks they use

That's the thing about books/writing, they may be used by some as an escape using the readers desire to escape into something else; but its just as cathartic for the writer and as with most art tou can always find their real voice within it if you know them well enough

I'm doing it even now 😉 although with slightly less drama, this voice is probably the closest to my actual personality

I chose to explain that now as an example of curated social media personalities, you can be whoever you want to be online but it doesn't necessarily represent your true self to the outside world

I know of many Tumblrs accounts who are also fonts and IG pages, not everyone feels comfortable being themselves openly on all platforms but I have no problem just being myself no matter where I am, although my personalities are slightly different on each platform altered to suit the "Theme du jour" on each of them: IG - photoshop, LSA - much sass to be had, Twitter - troll, Tumblr - lots of fucking words, gifs, and the occasional reblog

The psychic thing is a bit less explainable even to me 🤷‍♀️ but I cope with it the best I can, my life has always been.....well, Weird

You're absolutely right, I take absolutely no crap from anyone, ever. Exceptions are only made for a drunk Taurus even I'm not stupid enough to fuck with that

Governments? yeah fuck them. Police? Yeah most of them too Basically anyone in a position of power that chooses to abuse it can simply fuck right off and you can be damn sure I'll call them out on it

But a drunk Taurus? Yeah, I'm noping out on that shit

I don't think I have ever in any lifetime taken crap from anyone

As for your other questions:

I've always maintained that I thought he was probably dating around and that the PR situation we've been submitted to was purely a contract connected to the SMA with the original intention of setting up a fauxmance with any one of the original IG contenders and everything we've seen is completely fake, as are all of the people involved

I have loved many different kinds of people in my life anon, I don't think anyone truly cares what a person does or where they're from only that they love them. So does this rumoured other person have pure intentions? I think that they too are nothing but a rumour or wishful thinking

Christopher has never hidden his relationships, if he had someone he truly cared about he wouldn't care how it looked standing next to them.......because he'd love them. Despite his claim to acting talents there are some feelings no-one can hide

This fandom is for the majority women, and given that thanks to a shitty patriarchy running the world into the ground one of our most important survival tactics is reading body language

Good luck convincing thousands of females that they are seeing something that simply doesn't exist

Did Chris find the one before this shitshow started? If you want my tarot based opinion, if I recall my readings well enough his unwillingness to do the work kept pushing back them meeting. It was something that came up in many many readings over time and the more this mess continued the more it would delay them meeting and the worse it would make it for the "work wife"

At least that was the jist of it......but look where we are now. Some people just don't know when to cut their losses. This is what happens when you don't put the work into something that needs it and consider your approach on how to correct a situation effectively.........thanks Megs, you suck

It is likely there is some form of Karma involved, I've seen a fair few astrologers read through his chart and predict some sort of Karmic debt? I think it was having to happen

Here's the thing about cosmic knowledge

When you take that information and abuse it for the purposes of what has been done it will come back on you. Magic in almost all of its forms is about intentions, and you can't force the divine it will take its own sweet time to teach you not to do that again so these people that have abused that have attracted the worst imaginable kind of energy that could take a lifetime to even attempt to shed

It's why I keep warning Christopher about the lesson he needed to learn........sometimes the universe will send a messenger....hence I'm here by diversion through my dreams

I do not believe in coincidences, if I was sent here to help thwart this abuse against the divine using both my spiritual gifts as well as some of my other talents then I have to have faith that it was for a reason; I don't have to fully understand that reason but I have to have faith that its in the plan somewhere

🤍🪽✨

[12romy]

Here's a little present for @my-brain-dump for the prompt game!! Sewis with a crossover of Criminal AU and accidental marriage! Thanks for the ask, I promise I'll tru to write the other asks soon ;)

Enjoy~

The plan was simple. Get in, get the goods, get out. Lewis should've known things never went smoothly - but then again, maybe it was on him for trying to rob a priest. A very much not innocent priest, but still.

Sebastian wasn't one to do a sloppy job, but they might have underestimated Padre Fernando. It was really their luck, to enter the church and find themselves in the middle of a meeting of the local mafia instead of finding it empty like planned.

Lewis panicked a little, but Sebastian made his the discreet code gesture of"follow me" and started to talk.

"Padre!" Sebastian cried out dramatically, and took Lewis' hand. "Please, marry us!"

How Lewis managed to keep his pokerface was a miracle.

The priest made a movement and his men sat back down, a frown on their face but no guns out yet.

"You... Want to get married?" the old man said slowly, suspicious.

"I am leaving the country tomorrow," Lewis blurted out, taking over. "I have this job offer and I don't know when I'll come back... We want to get married before this, in front of God. Please, Padre..."

There were some hushed talk between him and his goons, and Lewis was tempted to run away right now. Sebastian's hand was moist, but maybe it was Lewis' own hand.

"Alright, but I'm afraid we will have to do this quickly."

Fuck. Lewis thought he'd refused, and they'd be able to go on their merry way.

"Oh, thank you so much, Padre!" Sebastian exclaimed, with a unnerving enthusiasm, and Lewis forced a smile on his face.

"Thank you," he breathed out, and if he sounded emotional, it was probably because he was just a little upset with this turn of events.

Lewis might be a thief, and a criminal, but he was a fervent catholic. Marrying was no joke, especially marrying in front of an altar, blessed by a priest.

It was done in a ten minutes. Padre Fernando had made a short speech, read a passage of the bible, the usual "until death do you part". Lewis had said the I do, then Sebastian, and it had felt so... Ungodly.

"You may now kiss," the Padre said, with a peaceful and innocent smile on his face that made him look like a nice grandpa and not the mafia boss he was.

The kiss felt... Rather less ungodly - which was a little surprising considering the amount of tongue it involved. Sebastian was a very good kisser, and Lewis would lie if he said he hadn't thought about kissing him a few times before. Just not in this context exactly.

The priest barely had the time to say the last prayer to conclude the wedding when suddenly, the door opened, and a whole squat of policemen entered, heavily armed.

"Hands in the hair, Alonso!" one of them cried, then took in the situation, Lewis and Sebastian in front of the altar. "Civilians? Come here, quickly!"

The priest started to draw his gun and Lewis pushed Sebastian on the ground. It left the line clear for the policemen to disharm him - by shooting a bullet through his arm.

The rest was a bit of a blur. They were interrogated - as witness, of course, and innocent bystander. The police bought their story, and they received several congratulations on the wedding.

They made it out of the station unscathed, and unarrested, which was quite a feat.

"It's only a matter of time before they realise we're not innocent. They might check," Lewis said worriedly.

"I guess now's a good time to leave the country, huh?" Sebastian smiled. "Tell me, what are your thoughts on the Caribbeans? I hear it's lovely at this time of year, and well... We do have a wedding to celebrate."

Lewis groaned in despair. "This is serious, Sebastian. We got married for real!"

"It's fine, we didn't sign any-"

"We married in front of God!" Lewis screamed out, pointing at the sky. "You hardly get a more important witness! Who cares about pieces of paper!"

Sebastian hesitated for a second. "Well... Might as well do it seriously, then, no?" he offered with a smile.

Lewis searched in his eyes, hesitant.

"Okay..."

"Cool!" Sebastian grinned. "I'll get us fake IDs with matching family name!"

"This is not a cover story, Seb, this is serious!"

"I know it's not a cover story," he huffed. "That's why we're going on a honeymoon, and that's why we're wearing the same last name from now on. We should also get rings, I know exactly a nice jewelry store where we can steal them from."

Lewis was just a little bit charmed.