#and with all my actual relationships I've always felt more comfortable with them as friendships instead

[ejunkiet]

💕 self-love time! talk about which ones of YOUR creations (edits, artworks, fanfics) you like the most then send to other creators to do the same 💕

*tacklehugs!!* TEA, THIS MADE ME VERY HAPPY TO SEE IN MY INBOX ;u; <33

okay OKAY I want to talk about this new original story idea i'm writing. specifically the main character, who is a changeling, aromantic lawyer who works in the city and has very little time for relationships, of any sort. channeling my workaholic nature? perhaps

now in this verse, the fae have integrated into society, like any other supernatural / magic user. they're long lived, with their own courts and laws. changelings are rare in modern days, and mostly accidents? /sects of fae that operate outside of modern society.

all of this to say, it is a very isolating existence. not human, so that they feel like an outsider growing up, but too human for fae society.

this story is gonna be about a connection with a pair of mated shifters, that yes, starts off as a hook up, but turns into a found family, deep friendship sort of affair. basically a heck of a lot of smut with a bucket load of supernatural lore thrown in.

and did I mention werecats? >:3

[kaysungshine]

Redamancy ['red-a-man-sE] noun ;a love returned in full

Part II out now!

{ Pairing } - idol!bangchan x staff!afab.reader (with a hint of bestfriend!jisung?)

{ Genre } - NSFW, the trifecta (s/a/f), frenimies to friends to lovers? idk but we'll get there in the end

{ Synopsis } - Han Jisung is your new bestie & technical colleague, of course you befriended the rest of his members. Group nights became a tradition, & tonight involves liquor and drinking games for the first time. Truth or drink?

{ WC } - 6.7k

{ Warnings & tags } - 18+ MDNI, NSFW, smut, angst, fluff, drinking, breath play (choking), swearing, dry humping, use of 'babygirl', mention of wet dream, talk of edging, talk of domming, talk of choking, talk of exhibitionism, all of ot8 is suggestive af when they drink, reader and jisung are PLATONIC I promise they're just touchy, they're all giggly drunks so overuse of laughing chuckling and giggling, chan is kinda dumb in this he just... is in denial land but we'll find out more about that later, unrealistic work scenarios, unrealistic dorm setup? idk lol

{ Disclaimer } - This work is in no way associated with the actual skz, and is a fictional piece. I DO NOT own Stray Kids, this fic is just influenced by them!

{ A/N } - Okay I know I took forever to post & this intro is hella long & I'm sorry! Once again, I will say this is my first skz fic. I come from the world of AO3 & dramione. I am out of my comfort zone lol. First time posting stories on tumblr too! So if I missed anything please let me know <3 there will be a part 2, I've already started writing it! The plot is weak af, but gimme a few more stories and I'll find my groove. Promise! Unbeta'd, be gentle with me ♡

It was supposed to be a relatively chill Saturday night, so you were excited. You just got off work, and had arrived at Jisung's. He swung the door open smiling and pulled you inside, into an immediate hug. Everyone said their greetings, and then Jisung went immediately to whining.

"Finally, what kept you so late?"

You took your shoes, mask, sunglasses, and hat off, letting your curls fall down your back. Then you unzipped your sweatshirt, shrugging it off your shoulders and exposing your fitted white tee. You gave your jacket and bag to Ji so he could put them away. You always arrived in 'disguise', in baggy clothing so that no one suspected anything. Though you thought it was ridiculous. It doesn't matter how baggy the sweat pants or hoodie is, there's no hiding the curve of your ass.

You were a content editor at JYPE, and had become really good friends with Han Jisung. Friendships between idols and staff certainly aren't forbidden, in fact they're encouraged to an extent... as long as no lines are crossed. But it's pretty much an ignored rule. Anyways, you were a small 'behind-the-scenes' employee, not a manager or assistant or makeup artist. Not anyone directly involved with any idols. No one off the street knew who you were. Still, over the last almost year or so, you and him became besties. You frequently shared meals together at work, had sleepovers, you even went camping. You were basically glued to each other. It could easily be taken the wrong way by the media and fans. Hell, it gets taken the wrong way by co-workers, other idols, and even his group members. Although they've mostly accepted that's not the case. It's a given with the way you two act though.

Your relationship is definitely platonic, confirming pretty early on that neither of you felt anything more than friendly love for each other. But you both love teasing the other suggestively. You suppose that's partly why you two got so close so quickly. Your personalities are so similar, it's like you share the same singular brain cell sometimes.

"Editing, per usual." You finally reply with a sigh, "We had to cut A LOT out of nexz's new video. They're so high energy, they slip up a lot, especially with the swearing, but nothing we can't handle."

"Gotta love kids." Chan snorts while sipping a beer.

You smile awkwardly in response and look around the room. Everyone is here, all with their preferred beverages, and chatting away or scrolling.

Ji comes back with a drink for you, he knows you're partial to tequila and always keeps it on deck. Normally, you spend every weekend you can together, which sometimes is not as often as either of you would like. Sometimes you'd both head back to your place, and just have all nighters, binge watching anime and gorging yourselves on junk food. More recently, like tonight, you get invited over to hang with him and the rest of the boys.

It usually results in a few drinks and a movie, or talk about work. Sometimes you just play music and talk and vibe, or try to cook food together when you get the munchies... Which more than likely results in Minho taking over because he just can't help himself. However the nights play out, they're always fun, and you're gradually getting closer to the rest of the members too. Although no one can compare to the bond you have with your Jiji.

"I don't wanna watch a movie tonight, my eyes hurt too much." He starts complaining.

"Poor baby." You tease and run your fingers through his hair, laughing.

"When are you two just going to come out with the fact that you're in love?" Seungmin asks.

You roll your eyes, "When dwaekki's fly."

"I can easily make that happen." Changbin laughs.

"We could play a game?" Felix suggests, already looking flushed from the alcohol.

Jeongin gets excited, "Let's do a drinking game! It's been a while."

"I don't believe I've ever played a drinking game with y'all."

Hyunjin hums, "Mm, you haven't. Mostly because we get crazy, we've never brought up the idea."

This piqued your interest, "More crazy than I've already seen? I don't think that's possible."

Minho chimes in this time, "You forget we're a group of men sometimes, I swear. Mix alcohol and suggestive games, it definitely gets 'crazier' than you've seen, inappropriately crazy."

You level him with a smirk, "I'm down."

"That's my y/n!" Ji says, while pulling you to sit in his lap, "Fearless."

You giggle and lean into him while Minho just narrows his eyes at you and purses his lips. Something tells you he's up to something, but you're ready for any challenge.

"Fine. Then we'll play something easy, truth or drink. If someone refuses to answer, they drink. Whoever finishes their drink first loses." Minho says.

"What does the loser have to do?" You ask.

"Pay for everyone's lunch every day for a month!" Changbin says.

"Deal." You say. 

You're an open book, Ji knows this. There's no question you won't answer.

Everyone is up now, getting new drinks & refills before the game starts. You can't help but notice that Chan didn't get up, he looks a little nervous for some reason. He was always the most worried about you being around so much. In the beginning it definitely came across like he didn't like you. Now you know that's not the case... you think. He tolerates you now to say the least. You couldn't blame him too much, he was just protective of his boys. You actually found it incredibly sweet, or maybe it's just that stupid soft spot you have for him.

He always tried to keep you at arms length from the group. Not wanting anyone to get too close to you. Until Jisung put him in his place, as best he could anyways.

You were in Ji's lap, watching Spirited Away. He was drawing imaginary lines and shapes on your back, while you rested your head on his shoulder, facing the tv. His head was resting on top of yours as well, and a blanket covered you both.

Chan walked in seeing this, and nearly had a stroke. He said we were being inappropriate. And specifically made it a point to tell you to be more professional as a member of the staff. Short version: know your fucking place, you're overstepping. 

You scoffed at him, prepared to confront him about his growing disdain towards you. Let him know he's the one being inappropriate, downright childish. But Ji nudged you onto the couch and got to him first.

It was kind of cute watching him standing there, ears becoming red and getting in Chan's face. Cute in the way that it was like a maltese puppy trying to stand up to a doberman. Then he proceeded to yell at him about how he was way out of line. Saying he was being flat out disrespectful and that he was done with the ridiculous way he has been acting about you. The last thing he said was that he didn't know what got into him, and that he'd never seen this side of Chan before. 

Chan was silent, looking intensely into Jisungs eyes. But he never backed down, so Chan poked his tongue to his cheek, then retreated to his room for the whole night. You had to scoop Ji off the floor right afterwards. He had let his knees buckle, and fell to the floor once Chan was gone. Citing that he wasn't sure he was going to live through the night to see the morning sun. Typical dramatic fashion for your best friend. But you soothed him, fluffing up his ego about 'defending your honor'. His words, not yours.

As that night went on though, the tiniest bit of worry coursed through you. Chan hadn't come back out. Not even when the other members came home, trying to knock on his door to greet him. Or when the food was ready to be served, you had even given knocking a try. Only after Hyunjin begged you to, because 'He already doesn't take care of himself. He needs to eat.' No, you didn't see him again that night until you had already walked out the front door. He slipped out behind you shortly after, grabbing you by the wrist and stopping you. 

You thought he was going to continue the argument for a moment, but no, he was apologizing. Not much more was said afterwards, but his apology was genuine and heartfelt, so you accepted it. You two ended up hugging it out, and thank goodness no one saw that, because it was incredibly cringeworthy. He had no more major issues after that. But he was still unexplainably awkward around you, but it's not like you were any better. You two simply didn't know how to interact with each other for longer than 30 seconds. And that was pushing it. You suspected that might not ever go away. He likes to keep his walls high and strong, and you're stubborn at times.

But of course,  despite that stubbornness. You developed some sort of feelings towards him. Feelings you refused to acknowledge, well tried to refuse. You would push those feelings down deep within your heart, put them in a little box, and tape it shut trying to forget it's there. There was no need to pine over the man, he had stay to do that for him, and who knows who else in his life. Somehow that box always ended up ripped open again.

There was never a reason to act on these feelings. Not to mention, you think you'd be breaking SO MANY rules. Putting your job, his job, hell everyone's job at risk. Or worse, making a fool of yourself when he would downright reject you.

You keep watching him, now he's shaking his leg up and down, seeming agitated. Maybe he just doesn't want everyone getting into a vulnerable state of mind while playing? Maybe he's worried somebody will say or do something wrong? That someone will cross a line, as he loves to say?

Trying to ease his negative feelings, and extend yet another olive branch. You toss a throw pillow at him, hitting him in the chest and pulling him out of his thoughts.

He looks at you, eyebrows wrinkled in confusion, and you just chuckle nervously at him saying, "Don't worry, it's like Vegas. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas."

"God how fuckin' corny was that?" Ji teases you, poking your side making you giggle more.

To your relief, Chan is laughing with you, and shaking his head, "I just want them to behave."

"Oh relax, we're all grown. We're all friends. So we'll get to know each other more intimately, big whoop." You shrug.

"Mmm..." He replied, before raising his voice so everyone could hear him, "Whatever is spoken about tonight, doesn't leave this room."

"I swear you're the one with anxiety sometimes, not me." Ji mumbles.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah... dad." Hyunjin says as he sits next to you and Ji.

"As if that announcement even had to be made, I swear, and you wonder why we call you old." Seungmin comments.

Once everyone is settled in with their drinks, Minho directs Chan to start the game.

"Jisung, when was the last time you cried?"

He laughed, "You're trying to embarrass me because you know it was this morning, but I am confident and secure in the fact that I am a sensitive man."

He said the last bit with his hand over his heart, and his eyes closed, effectively making everyone chuckle.

"My poor baby, why were you crying?" You question teasingly.

"Please don't bring it up, he'll start blubbering all over again. Stupid, sad, dog rescue videos." Seungmin mumbles.

"Minho!" Ji shouts, pointing at him dramatically, "This question is for you. If you had to kiss someone in this room on the cheek, who would it be?"

"Hyunjin." He said bluntly, making you and everyone else laugh while Hyune just rolled his eyes.

"Would you kiss me back?" He asked him, eyes full of hope and bottom lip jutted out and pouting, trying to act cute. And succeeding, honestly.

Hyunjin acted like he was pondering the question, but ultimately was the first to take a sip from his glass, "I decline to answer."

He looked to you next, a suggestive smirk on his face, making you the next victim, "Y/niiieee..."

"Oi, be respectful." Chan scolds immediately, not liking the look at all.

"All I was going to do was repeat the question!" He said defensively, "Y/n, if you had to choose, who would you kiss on the cheek?"

You tried hard to keep your eyes from trailing over to Chan, a tingly feeling spreading across your skin at the mere thought of innocently kissing his cheek. Instead you chose the easy answer, because it wasn't a lie. You'd also kiss your best friend on the cheek any time.

"My Jiji of course," And you took his face in one hand, squeezing his cheeks between your middle finger and thumb, and plant a loud smooch on each of them, "he probably only asked because he wanted one anyways."

He just chuckles, letting you baby him and Seungmin fake gags.

"Minnieee..." You pause trying to come up with a question, "when you dye your hair next, what color would you want?"

"Green, my entire head green."

"That would look interesting." You laugh.

You all go 'round in circles for a few rounds, completely forgetting about the rules of the game. Having now finished your glasses from casually sipping throughout the game, most of you have switched to occasional shots. You're starting to feel warm and tipsy. Of course the more you all drank, the more the questions started to get more... amorous. Which is exactly how you all assumed this game would go. No wonder Chan was so anxious.

However looking over to him now, he's definitely having a good time. Like every other person, he loosens up while drinking, but tonight he seems even more so.

"Y/n," Chan starts with a sly look making your skin buzz again. Among all of you, he is 100% the most inebriated right now, "when was your first kiss?"

"Yah! He tells us to be respectful, but look how he is after a few drinks!" Changbin yells laughing.

Chan loses it, "You're right Binnie, you don't have to answer or drink." He says in between fits of squeaky laughter. 

You think you could listen to him laugh all day.

You shake your head and snort, "I've answered worse questions playing this game before. I was 13 when I had my first kiss."

Hyunjin nearly spits his drink out, because again, no one is drinking just as punishment anymore, "13?!"

"Well, yeah, it's a pretty normal age in America... I think..." you started to blush, "why, how old were you?" you ask Hyunjin.

He hesitates, but eventually he spoke, "I was 18."

The rest chime in saying they were also 18 or 19. With the exception of Felix who said he was 16.

Without even thinking you start to say, "Aaah, see I was 18 when I-" and you're abruptly stopped with Ji's hand slapping over your mouth.

Your eyes go wide, caught off guard, but understanding as you almost blurted out unnecessary information. Nothing that Ji hadn't known obviously, it's just that everyone else doesn't really know you on that level. 

"Jagi, you only had to answer the one question, adding extra info, that's not how you play the gaaaaame." He says in a sing-song voice, "Hyunjin it's your turn to ask someone."

"No no no no! What was she going to say?" Chan chuckles.

When you looked at him, he winked at you, and you had to stop yourself from going limp in Ji's arms. He knew damn well what you were going to say. Why is he teasing, no torturing you like this?

You peel Ji's hand off your mouth to respond "It's not your turn, you'll have to wait to ask me that."

The group starts laughing and shouting, teasing Chan who is ignoring it all, just staring at you with curious eyes and his tongue in his cheek. Does he know how hot he looks doing that?

"Okay, so then I'll ask you. What were you going to say?" Hyunjin asks calmly, trying to fight the smile off his face.

You pour yet another shot, and knock it back thinking, what the hell, "I was going to say I was 18 when I first hooked up with a man."

Some members looked surprised, the game taking an obvious turn. However Hyunjin, Felix, and Chan started laughing again.

"I knew that's what you were going to say." Felix slurred. 

"Yeah I was definitely teasing you on that, because I knew." Chan followed.

"Mmm, well judging from the shocked faces of everyone else, you two seem to be the only psychics." You try to joke, wanting the attention off of you suddenly.

"No, don't get us wrong, not all of us are as innocent as you think." Seungmin says defensively.

"Oh really now?" You respond, one brow quirking up.

Seungmin just turned red, and sat back in his seat. To which Chan started laughing, yet again. He's a giggly drunk, and you love it.

"Don't tease my puppy, babe." Ji slurred, trying to reach his arm to console Seungmin, but ultimately failing.

"I mean I was 18 too, with the same girl I first kissed." Hyunjin shrugged.

"But what do you mean 'to a man'?" Jeongin asked with a shit eating grin on his face. 

You promptly turned into a tomato, and started choking on air.

"You're not that slow pabo, obviously it means she's been with women too." Ji says, rather loudly and speaking freely, all while patting your back.

You're quiet. It's not like it's a secret, you've never hidden your sexuality. But it never came up in conversation with anyone here, except Jisung.

Wanting to ease the tone, Felix speaks up, "Well I was 18 when I first hooked up with a dude."

"I was 21, but everyone already knows that story." Ji slurred.

The whole conversation triggers another group laughing fit. Except for Chan, who is looking at you with those dark eyes again. And... is he blushing? Or is that the alcohol? He eventually snaps out of whatever daze he was in, and slowly smiles at you reassuringly.

You mentally kick yourself for getting your hopes up, of course he couldn't ever think of you like that. You're imagining things.

"But then, how old were you when you first hooked up with a girl?" Jeongin asked again, genuinely curious.

"A lot younger than 18..." You trailed off laughing, "I'll just say in high school."

"The air is different outside of Korea." Changbin says suddenly, sounding thoughtful.

Hyunjin nearly collapsed laughing, slapping Minho on the knee repeatedly, despite the glare he was shooting him.

"Well I just answered a bunch of questions in a row so that means I get to ask two people a question. And the second person I ask gets the next turn." You say, making up new rules. 

"So... Chan." He looks at you with his eyebrows raised and you just smirk, knowing you're trying to get back at him, "How old were YOU when you lost your virginity?"

He gulps and looks around at the group before answering, "I... was 18."

"Chan-hyung, you never answered us when we would ask you! Why answer her?" Jisung whines.

"I honestly don't know, maybe it's the liquor. None of you ever asked me drunk." He starts giggling.

"Okay so question 2... Binnie!" He gulps and looks at you with wide eyes, "Are you more of a boob guy?" You say grabbing your own, not even really thinking about it, "Or an ass guy?"

Changbin started laughing and answered, "Definitely ass, but I appreciate boobs too, equality."

"I am just learning so much about my fellow members lately." Seungmin whispers.

"Is that a bad thing?" You giggle.

"Not at all, it feels strangely comforting, letting loose like this." He replies and smiles softly at me, "It's been a while."

"It's freeing!" Jeongin yells abruptly, throwing his hands in the air.

"Aye, my question is for you then Min. Have you ever had a wet dream?" Changbin asks.

"... what guy hasn't? Don't all guys get them?" He asks looking around.

Then you chime in again frankly, "Girls can get them too you know."

Why does it feel like you've opened pandora's box on your sex life, in every single aspect?

Ji starts laughing, nodding his head vigorously and you know where this is about to go.

"Really now?" Felix says, mimicking your exact tone from earlier, "What was it about?"

"Mmmm... it's not your turn to ask," Then you turn to Seungmin, "And if you ask me, I will absolutely drink and not answer. No way I'm explaining a sex dream right now."

Seungmin just rolls his eyes and huffs out a laugh.

"But I wanna knooooooow," Jisung whines, "You looked so cute having one last weekend, you never told me what it was about."

Everyone was watching you two closely now, waiting to hear how he knew what you looked like in that situation.

You turned around and smacked his arm, "We weren't going to mention that ever again! Remember?!" You attempt to be angry, but you can't help it and end up smiling.

"Okay, well now I'm curious since you two are bringing this up." Minho says with a glint in his eye.

"Y/n may or may not have had one when I slept over, and I woke up to her moaning and hump--"

This time it was your turn to slap a hand over his mouth, "Jiji, Sungie, my love, my sweet sweet SWEET best friend. I don't want to kill you, but I will." You say in a dulcet tone.

He raised his hands, eyes wide and nodded his head. You couldn't help but laugh, apparently you're a giggly drunk too.

Out of the corner of your eye, you swore you saw Chan adjusting himself in his pants. But then you reminded yourself that it was just wishful thinking and an alcohol induced hallucination. Horny hallucination. God you needed to get over him and under someone else. This unrequited shit wasn't for you.

"I'm so never going to drop this you know, I wanna know what the hell happened." Minho smirked at you, to which you flipped him off jokingly.

It's Seungmin's turn next, and he's just staring at Jeongin with a blank face, "Have you ever had a one night stand?"

He pauses for a moment and then finally answers, "No, I haven't."

He looked at you now, asking his question, "You know what I have to ask now, right?"

"Go ahead." You challenge, fully prepared to choke down another shot and not answer his question, and he smiles.

"What's one of your kinks?"

You were unprepared for that question. And how could you know he would ask that, these men like to fuck around with your head.

"Relax, I just wanted to see your reaction." He says before chuckling.

You glared at him for a moment, halfheartedly. They think they can just retract questions when they get scared that they went too far. Screw that, you're answering.

"I guess the most simple one I have is edging." You shrug.

"The most simple one?!" Hyunjin asked.

"What are you a masochist? Edging is the worst, feels like torture to me." Ji says.

"But the build up is so delicious, and the end result is so worth it. It's so intense." Felix chimes in, "Choking too, that can be intense." 

"Hm, breath play might actually be my favorite." You admit.

"Damn y/n." Ji says, eyeing you with a smile, "You're full of surprises, even to this day." 

You shrug again, "Everyone has different kinks... What's one of yours?" You ask him.

He ponders for a moment, "I like being dommed sometimes."

"Big surprise." Minho says and you all laugh.

"Good one though," You nod, "That's one of mine too."

"I think I'm an exhibitionist, to an extent of course." Hyunjin says next.

"That's also not a surprise." Minho replies.

You can't help but let your eyes wander over to Chan again, while everyone else is sharing different things they're into in bed. The liquor has everyone speaking loosely. But Chan doesn't seem to care about it anymore.

You find him staring right back at you, that same look in his eyes from earlier, and you feel heat spread in your stomach, and wetness starts to pool in your panties. Maybe you weren't imagining things.

But you don't notice that Ji's observing both of you in his drunken haze. Not too faded to ignore you and Chan eye-fucking each other.

Your heart starts racing the longer you hold eye contact, and you start shifting uncomfortably on his lap, before looking away and deciding to get up.

"Alright... I need some bread to soak up this alcohol, and then I need to get home because it's already 2 in the morning." You say with a shaky breath.

"Yeah, I'm wasted right now," Jeongin says and stands, "Bed's a good idea. Goodnight everyone." And he leaves to his room.

Ji grabs your wrist, preventing you from moving, "You're not going anywhere. We're all drunk, you can't drive and no one can bring you back home."

"Fiiiiiiine," You say, "but I still want bread."

"You and your bread fixation whenever you drink." Minho mumbles, heading to the kitchen anyways to grab you some.

When he comes back he hands it to you and you start munching away happily, doing a little dance.

Meanwhile, Felix is trying to tug Chan's arms to make him stand up, but he's fighting him on it and whining. Clearly he exceeded his limit tonight drinking. He probably won't even remember the looks he was giving you, you think.

"I don't wanna go to bed." Chan whines.

Felix finally succeeds in pulling him up, "C'mon mate, you definitely need to sleep this off. You'll be miserable tomorrow. Let's get you some water too, hmm?"

Chan reluctantly holds his arm, and follows him down the hall, stumbling over his own two feet along the way. You can't help but laugh at the sight.

More of the boys say goodnight and head off to their rooms, but Ji and Minho stay with you in the living room, chatting a little longer before bed.

Ji starts going through his bags, determined that you left some pajamas here from when you slept over previously, and he kept them in a bag to give back to you. He pulls out the nightie, that you honestly forgot you brought here. But you see why you didn't ever wear it at the time. It's dark green, spaghetti straps and has lace along the bust line. It also has slits on each side of your thigh, and only covers you to the middle of your thighs. Your go to sleepware was always nighties or large tees, they're comfortable and sometimes you get hot at night. Mix in the fact that you were drinking tonight? You're already feeling overheated. But wearing this?

"Jiiiiiii, don't you have any t-shirts I can wear?" You whine.

He's already under the covers, fighting sleep, "Sorry babe... haven't done laundry... Nothing clean..."

You whine again before taking it and heading across the hall into one of the bathrooms. It was this or sleep in your sweats, and that idea sounded entirely too suffocating to you.

You slip the nightie on and brush your teeth with your designated toothbrush you had there. Jisungs idea, after you had too much tequila one night and he diligently held your hair back as you got sick.

You sigh as you're leaving, and make your way towards Ji's room. Before you reach the door though, Chan walks out of his room. He's in a black tank top, and red boxer briefs... your eyes immediately trail down and go wide. His outline clear as day. But you change your view quickly, hopefully before he notices.

It doesn't help though, now all you're doing is eyeing his arms, the muscles cut throughout them. The veins that trail all the way down to his hands. God, his hands... What wouldn't you let those hands do to you...

He scratches the back of his head, and the movement snaps you out of your gaze. You find him staring back at you for a second before answering, "Sorry, I'll just..."

You start to shake your head, "No, no. No reason to apologize." You chuckle and start shifting on your feet. You feel the skirt of your nightie swaying with you. It opened the slit wider, and Chan immediately looked down at your exposed thigh. He inhaled quietly, sucking in air through his nose.

Any other day, you'd be scrambling to cover yourself. Feeling insecure and too bare. You don't know if it was the liquor in you, but tonight? Being on display? It turned you on.

You clenched your thighs together, almost involuntarily, and Chan didn't miss that.

Time seemed to be moving too slow. He stepped towards you, nearly closing the gap between you. He's only inches away, and looking down on you. His eyes have that dark, smoldery look again. He raised his hand and brushed the curls off your face and behind your ear. When he rests his palm against your cheek, your eyes flutter shut and you lean into his touch. It's so warm, and comforting. As if it was always meant for you.

When you open your eyes, you can clearly see the lust in his is only growing. He's not holding it back anymore, biting his lip as he stares at you. You almost whimper in anticipation.

"This is your opportunity to walk away if you're not okay with me kissing you." He says lowly.

You closed your eyes, and his lips met yours. The first few seconds were sweet and soft. Almost too innocent for the heat of the moment, but then he deepened it. He was pulling you by the waist into him, running his hands down and resting them on your ass. You could easily feel how hard he was for you, even through the thin fabrics. This time you let the whimper out, and he swiped his tongue along your bottom lip before sucking it into his mouth. When you tried to do the same, he didn't give you the chance. Instead he slipped his tongue in. It was like he was lost in desire, and greedy for more. You couldn't help it when your arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer.

He groaned and started backing you into the wall, his lips never leaving yours. He grabbed your thighs in each hand, and hoisted you up, slotting himself between them. Your legs naturally wrapped around him, and he started rocking his length against you. His pace was achingly slow, but still delicious.

You moaned and slipped a hand up to the nape of his neck, grabbing a fistful of hair. He breaks the kiss and throws his head back with his eyes closed. He half hisses, half groans, and you can't help but rock your hips against him harder, hoping to hear more. He grips your thigh tighter, and leans down to press a quick kiss to your neck, before licking and sucking on it. He's meeting each roll of your hips with rough thrusts. And even clothed, you feel how perfectly he's rubbing your clit.

Your head is so clouded with need. Need to be touched. Need to touch him. Need to feel him inside of you. You don't even think twice when he glides his hand up your stomach, and over your breasts. He gives one a light squeeze before moving up to wrap his fingers around your neck, and your brain loses all sense for a moment.

He's just resting his hand there, but you wish he'd do more. You're not sure if this man knows just how pliant you are for him right now.

Then he brings his lips to your ear and whispers, "Can I touch you?"

His warm breath gives you chills, and you nod your head as best as you can. But that doesn't suffice him, he stops his movements against you and his grip around your throat tightens. You think you could probably get off on it if he tightens his fingers just a bit more, but he doesn't, instead he says, "I'm going to need words, babygirl."

Your hips buck into him, and you breathe out a quiet "Yes. Please..."

With that, he yanks your face closer to his by your neck. He's squeezing ever so slightly tighter around your throat. He bites your lip and you groan. But he's quick to silence you with his tongue.

Letting go, he trailed his hand back down your body and to your core. Slowly he started to rub you through the thin lace. You were so sensitive, that when he found your clit and pressed a circle into it. You couldn't help but breathe out his name. He pushed your panties to the side, and when he felt you for the first time you felt him smile against your lips.

"Babygirl... fuck, you're so wet for me." 

And as he whispered that, he slipped a finger in you. He set a steady pace, dragging against your walls with a curl. Each pump hitting your sweet spot, and the heel of his hand creating delightful friction against your swollen bud. His breathing was heavy in your ear, breaking through all your helpless whimpering. When he added a second finger, you couldn't hold back anymore.

"Chan..." You moaned louder this time, while simultaneously letting your head drop against the wall with a thud.

He pulled his lips off of you, eyes wide when he met yours. He started blinking as if he was coming back to reality. When he looked into your eyes again, he looked startled.

"What's wrong?" You pant, feeling hot and dizzy, wishing he would keep moving his hands.

Instead, he quickly slips his fingers out of you, and sets your feet on the floor. Then he backs away.

"I'm sorry, y/n... I don't know what came over me, that was incredibly inappropriate and out of character." Chan mumbled.

Your heart sinks, as you feel the sting of rejection. Tears threatened to well in your eyes, and you immediately felt the oncoming headache from holding them back. You shouldn't feel so emotional and upset. This was all spur of the moment. But you do, you feel devastated.

Regardless, you clear your throat, "I understand." You force an unsettling chuckle out, when a sob threatens to escape instead.

He puts on a blank face that feels so cold, and responds with "Don't forget to drink some water, stay hydrated... I'll be heading to bed now, you should too."

All you really want to say is don't leave, because you want to finish what was started. Because you've wanted this for so long. Because the box you kept away in the depths of your heart had ripped open once again. And all the languished emotions were here, front and center, aching to bear it all to him. To let him see. Confess. But that would be selfish, he's clearly uncomfortable with it all. He probably regrets it. An alcohol induced affair. In his eyes, a complete mistake. 

So instead you say, "Okay."

Because that's all you can muster before the tears start to fall. You turn away,  going back to facing Ji's door. 

"Goodnight y/n... Sleep well." He says, and puts a tentative hand on your shoulder.

You shrug it off, and escape to Ji's bedroom. To your surprise he's sitting up in bed, and ushering you come to him with his arms open and bottom lip pouted out.

You run to him, a bit dramatically and fall a part in his arms. But you can't help it, you sealed these emotions away for too long. You were too hurt at the moment to even try pushing them back down.

Jisung is your life saver, he's comforting you, rubbing his fingers on your scalp and rocking you back and forth to try and calm you. He gives you time before you have to explain why exactly you're having a melt down.

"Chan's an idiot." He finally says.

And you lean back to look at him, confused on how quickly he's put two and two together.

"Well you weren't exactly quiet. Between your exaggerated moans and his animalistic grunting right outside my door, of course I heard it." He rolled his eyes jokingly and that earned a laugh from you.

You smacked him lightly, "I was lost in the moment... don't judge me."

"Jagi..." He says, and wipes the tears from your cheeks with his thumbs, "You've liked him for so much longer than a moment."

Your heart starts pounding faster again. How could he know that. It's the one thing you've kept from him, from everyone, hell you even denied it to yourself for as long as possible. Was it that obvious? Who else knows? You go to speak, fear written across your face.

"No. You were not obvious, in fact you're an amazing actor. I'm sure none of the other members noticed, and definitely no one else at work knew." He answers before you can even get words out.

You nod slowly, "So then, how'd you know?"

He smiled proudly, "I'm a people watcher, I see all."

You smack him again, a little harder this time.

"Alright, alright, but I really did see all the looks you'd give him when no one else was watching... I know what longing looks like, and..." he trailed off.

You knew that wasn't all, "And?"

"Aaaaand... maybe that night you had that wet dream. You were moaning his name while humping the pillow..."

"You never told me that!" You shoved your head into your hands, distraught.

"Well I didn't want to embarrass you! I honestly didn't think you looked at any of us that way until then. Like I said, a good actor. I figured you'd tell me when you were ready to."

You sighed, "I'm sorry. It's just a stupid crush, it'll pass."

"You're grown, you don't have to apologize to anyone for liking someone. But y/n," He cupped your cheek forcing you to look at him again, "this isn't just a simple crush, is it?"

With that question, you felt the tears spilling all over again. He pulled you to lay down with him, holding you tight against him and letting you cry it all out. Somewhere between his low humming, and your quiet weeping, you fell asleep.

When you blink the sleep away from your eyes the next morning, you're still entangled with Ji. He's literally wrapped around you like a koala.

You snort out a laugh and go to check the time on your phone. 7:30 am, entirely too early. You decide to try and fall back asleep, but last night's events rush back to you. Dread fills your chest, and your fight or flight kicks in. You're trying to gently escape Ji's hold, and not hyperventilate. The latter is more difficult but, since that man can sleep through anything, you were able to succeed.

You get changed back into your clothes, and leave a note for him saying that you're leaving and you'll text him when you get home. You can't bear to face Chan, let alone anyone else who might've heard you two last night. So you decide to skip out on the usual coffee and breakfast routine. You all have that tradition after a drunken night, but you know Ji will cover for you with everyone anyways.

You're rushing down the hall, wanting to grab your things and head for the door. Panic is starting to bubble over, and you're haphazardly covering yourself up to be unnoticeable. As you're slipping the mask over your face, a voice stops you.

"Morning... don't you want to stay for breakfast?"

You can't bring yourself to look at Chan, those words only setting the box of emotions in your heart on fire. You know he only means it in the way that it is an unbroken tradition. No matter how sick one of you gets, group breakfast is a must for recuperation. No one has skipped it in the months you've been doing it. We all take care of each other. But the idea makes your mouth bitter, because you wish it was just you two. Alone. Making breakfast the morning after earth shattering sex. And the fact he doesn't mean it in that way in the slightest makes tears prick back into your eyes.

Yes, you know you're being petty. You should stick it through for your friends. Take a page from Chan and act like nothing ever happened. You just can't find it inside you to care, you need to go home and lick your wounds before facing anyone here again. Call it childish, but you didn't care.

You're struggling to find words and just blurt out, "No thanks." And rush out the door, heading to the safety of your car.

You left Chan standing there. Unbeknownst to you, hurting just as much.

Special thank you to @jeonginsleftcheek who encouraged me through finishing this! I had finished it, and then accidentally deleted the entire ending. But in turn, that was a good thing I think... because now there'll be a part 2! If you'd like to be added to a taglist, let me know and I'll start one! Feedback is always cherished, but be gentle pleeeeeeeease ♡

[obsessedwrhys]

|| BRYON DATING HEADCANONS ||

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 .ᐟ just fluff, reader is gn!! (I've been meaning to do him lol)

Let's be honest, if you were to become his significant other, you would need an awfully lot of patience.

That's because he's not much of a social person, he knows who are his people and that's enough for him.

Personally, I think the only way you'd be friends with him is if you knew someone close to him. Maybe Lorsan or Lyca being the one who introduces him to you.

He doesn't like loud people. No hate. He just finds it stressful as it overwhelms his senses easily.

That's why it comes easily that he prefers someone's who's gentle and kind. Call it cliché but he appreciates beauty when he sees it.

Once your friendship starts to blossom, you'll start to notice the little things he does for you.

How he'd always be there for you if you needed some company, how he would provide you the book you had told him just the other day and how he would listen intently to your opinions even when he doesn't agree with them.

It all made you fall for him just that easy.

However, you didn't expect him to return those feelings because well, you just felt that he was way out of your league. He was too good to be true you know? So when he confessed it turned your world upside down.

Scenario ↴

You'd find yourself seated on a hill, enjoying the sunset with your eyes closed as the cold breeze blew on your face. It was nice to catch a break after finishing a handful of tasks. Suddenly you heard sounds of footsteps approaching from behind, you looked over your shoulder to see it was no other than Bryon.

"I hope I haven't disturbed you, would you mind if I share this view with you?" He'd ask politely.

"Not at all, go ahead" With your approval, he sat himself beside you. The absent of his falcon caught your attention.

"Where's Elona?"

"She's getting her rest. The battles these days have been draining" He said and you nodded to his words before turning to stare at the orange sky.

Neither of you said anything but you both found comfort in each other's presence. Due to his acute hearing, you had a feeling that he enjoyed this peaceful moment just as much as you was right now.

"May I say something?" He said which caught your interest.

"Of course, you don't need to ask" You said and it had him at ease a bit.

Though the way his jaw clenched as if he was debating on what to speak made you wonder if it was something serious.

"(Y/N), I'm afraid I have fallen for you..." He said. You had almost forgotten how to breath properly when you heard him.

"I don't know when it began... it seems like the feeling was always there. But I don't mind it. I choose not to fight these thoughts... because I love that I'm in love with you" He smiled softly at you, the blush on your face making you look ever more adorable to him.

"I wouldn't mind being yours as there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you...ah... my apologies, I'm getting ahead of myself... I didn't give you the time to speak" He said by the time he noticed that your lips were parted in shock. You quickly gained back your composure once the attention was on you.

"I uh... wow... okay..." You rubbed your arm awkwardly. Eventually you were able to think straight after calming yourself down.

"I actually feel the same way Byron... I just didn't think you'd think of me like that" You looked at him, your eyes sparkling with joy.

"Oh (Y/N)... you're all that I think about..."

When the relationship was settled, everyone congratulated you two. Especially Lorsan, he was quick to wish you both endless happiness. You had to admit, from the village's reaction, it almost felt like you two just got married.

His companion, Elona would definitely see you as her owner after a few weeks into the relationship. If he trusts you, she trusts you as well.

In the relationship, Bryon is very loving and observant. The reason why I say observant is because he'll always be fast to know what are your likes and dislikes.

Oh someone offered you a fruit you don't like? He'll simply just take it for you. There's a sale going on at the market and they have one of your favourite things on display? Watch him be the first to be in line to get it.

He also knows when you're lying about something. He hates it however when you lie about not being sick or not being cold because taking care of you is LITERALLY his job!! Besides he doesn't mind babying you, he adores you!

That's why I think his kisses are delicate and soft, most of times he'd hum when kissing but he does it unconsciously because he's completely lost in the moment, if you placed your hands on his chest, you could feel the vibrations from his voice. In a way it's like he's purring.

He loves it the most when you run your hands all over his chest when kissing. It makes him fall even harder than he already has.

If we're talking about PDA, I think he's not that against it but he's also not that crazy about it. He's willing to hold your hand, having hugs and kisses but if you initiate anything that's crossing the line or could make anyone uncomfortable then he'll simply give you a soft smile and shut your thoughts out with a simple forehead kiss.

He enjoys cuddling by the way. He enjoys it the most when you both are like covered in layers of blanket. You once teased him for it, calling it his bird nest which ended becoming an inside joke.

Like you'd be having a conversation with Lorsan and he's trying to be as patient as possible waiting for you to finish but knowing his friend, he's most likely never gonna stop talking so he'd politely invite himself into the conversation.

"Darling... can we go back to the birds nest?" He'd say, meaning he's in desperate need of cuddles. You would smile at his cute request and nod.

"BIRD'S NEST!? (Y/N), is he holding you captive???"

Expectedly, his pet names would be more of the lovey dovey stuff. He'd call you things like darling, sweetheart, baby, and even pumpkin. He enjoys your reaction each time cause you never know which one he'll use.

"You're adorable when you pout darling... oh alright, I'll buy you the candy you want. Only if you promise me a kiss after"

He's a romantic. There's no denying it. This man's love language is 100% act of service.

He's the type to light up dozens of candles at the entrance of the door so that the first thing you are greeted when coming home would be a fancy candlelit dinner prepared just for you.

He also happens to run the shower for you just as you're about to arrive home, he even places flower petals to add some scent to the mood. Anything to help you relax.

He's more of a giver than a receiver but if you ever showered him in love. He's positive that he'll faint. Even a simple "I love you" can cause him to smile all cheerfully.

You also happen to be one of the few people to see his eyes. Obviously he doesn't wear the blindfold to sleep so that's how you were able to get the chance to see him without it.

His eyes are beautiful. A perfect shade of light green and yellow, almost resembling eyes of a bird. They were pearls that entrapped you in a daze that you couldn't help but stare into them each time you cuddled with him.

He didn't mind but rather find it cute how you were in awe from his irises.

Another thing I want to point out is he enjoys holding hands with you, whatever it is, he just finds your hands fascinating.

You two could be cuddled in bed and he'd just have your hand placed on his, his fingers gently trailing against the skin of your palm.

"I love the way your hand fits in mine... it's almost like destiny..." He'd utter.

Since it's canon he has a soothing voice, you can expect him to sing you lullabies or just any song to help you go to sleep if you ever had trouble sleeping.

If you did have a nightmare, trust him to be there to hold you in his arms as he hums you a melody.

Honestly? He's just like Prince Charming but better.

[tonkatsubowl]

Okay, how about gentle yandere Robin x childhood friend reader headcanon? The reader wants to travel, but Robin does not want to allow it.

since childhood, you and robin have been the closest of friends. inseparable, even. sunday was well known to be protective of his younger sister, even sometimes becoming wary of others if they remained too close. but you were an exception.

throughout the years of your guys' friendship, the two of you were always together. whenever she had a concert or a show to put on, you were always there to support her, even taking control of behind the scenes in order to make sure everything progresses well. because of your guys' friendship, there were often rumors that the two of you were in a relationship. but you'd sheepishly laugh, brush it off, and correct the others saying that you two were just friends!

...but did robin see you that way?

but you began to ponder about the cosmos. your life was always within the dreamscape, as you wanted to be closer to your friend. but you always wanted to see more than just penacony. you've heard about the nameless, how they adventured throughout the cosmos to see all different kinds of things... you were too much in the comfort zone to really embrace the sweet escape of seeing the multiverse, but you decided to embrace the new change.

you were ready - and you had to tell your best friend about it.

"you wanted to see me?" robin smiled as she approached you, her smile beaming brightly as her gaze softens upon seeing you, "surely, you aren't thinking about going out to eat again. please let me pay this time." a hand was placed over her chest, a soft laugh ensuing from the halovian.

"actually..." you face her, looking down at your feet sheepishly. robin tilts her head, blinking innocently.

"what is it, (y/n)?"

"...i was thinking about the world."

robin blinked again. "the world? here... penacony?"

"well, more than that, actually." you nod slowly, raising your chest a bit. "i...want to travel the cosmos. i know my entire life, i've been here in penacony, and...i just wanted to see what it's like outside of reality. the nameless, they go everywhere. i want to be able to travel with them, or even see the cosmos. so i decided to tell you, and...this is my final decision. if you want, you can come with me! i can even talk to sunday, and we can see the world toge-

"i can't let you do that."

your words came to a sudden stop, feeling your heart drop a bit.

"...huh? robin... but i-"

"i know," you see her fists clench softly, her brows furrowed, "i understand that you want to see the cosmos. but you need to realize that the cosmos is," she stepped closer to you, taking hold of your hands, "dangerous. what if i lose you? my...one and only friend. it's dangerous and i can't leave you my side. please, stay here. sunday and i will protect you."

your eyes widen a bit, and you felt the warmth of her hands embrace yours. but you pulled your hands away.

"robin...i'm sorry. but this is my final decision. please don't see me as weak, because you know i can handle myself. i spoke with the nameless, and they're more than happy to have me join their crew."

"you don't understand, (y/n)." robin raised her voice a bit, protectively. she breathed, her tone shaking, "please. you can't leave. i won't allow it!"

you blinked again, surprised by her sudden outburst, "robin, i-"

"you are not allowed to leave me."

you froze in shock, unsure what to say next, "...but i'm not really leaving you. i can text you, call you everyday if you're so worried-"

"why are you so desperate to leave me?"

robin's gaze had darkened a bit, and it nearly scared you. was this the same robin that you knew since childhood? she took hold of your hand, this time, her grip was tight. despite her frail figure, she had alot of strength to put in that grip.

"...i'm...i'm not going to leave you. i just told-"

"you aren't allowed to leave me. i won't repeat myself." robin said, threateningly, before a smile forms on her lips. it was innocent, yet the darkness in her eyes said otherwise, "i'll make sure of it."

"huh? what are you-"

robin lifted her hand, gently waving it across your face. a hypnotizing-like spell, and you felt yourself feeling lost into the darkness. you slumbered away, and your final words for that moment were,

"robin..."

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

hey y'all, i pretty much know that i'm the asshole big time- but i'm not sure what to do about it. i know i need to shift my perspective, especially because i'm not sure what to do going forward... or how to meaningfully apologize, so I think i need some outside judgement.

AITA for wanting to possibly return to speaking terms with someone i cheated with?

about 1.5 years ago one of my best friends (i'll call him R, we're all 20 now) confessed to me while I had a bf- R said he knew i wasn't into him but asked me to kiss him once. i felt really bad and didn't feel anything for him, so i said yes and we briefly kissed. I didn't think it was going to be a big deal until I told my boyfriend right afterwards and he got really upset in a way i now see i was really understandable. i've come to see the situation as cheating, but I think fundamentally we had a different view of it at first. my bf asked me to not be alone with him anymore or talk to him outside of groupchats (i was in a friend group of 3 people, R me and another guy). I tried really hard to follow through on this but in reality- i just didn't want to cut off one of my best friends- there were times I went against my boyfriend's wishes and slowly I let up and saw him/talked alone more. I would tell my boyfriend about it and he would be hurt by it and I would feel horrible, but I didn't put up a hard boundary. I hated myself for it, but I didn't feel like R was actually a problem, rather that the problem was my lack of respect for my bf. A month or two later, all of us moved away to different colleges. After two months of long distance and continuing to talk to R on the phone sometimes, my boyfriend left me citing that as one of the reasons.

I realized I should have valued my bf more and I stopped talking to R (basically ghosted him), but he contacted me on another platform and asked if I was okay and I realized that he was a true friend in a lot of ways. When we hung out on winter break at home, we were chilling and he kind of made a joke asking me to sleep with him. I said no very loudly because I'm not into him like that and I was still hung up on my bf. Meanwhile, after 2 months of no contact, me and my bf had started to talk again very tentatively (i had tried really hard to instigate it which, sometimes i feel bad about not leaving him in his peace- but I was having a really hard time accepting the breakup). I realized there was something I really needed to do to show him I was serious and I sent R a text saying we couldn't be friends anymore citing some lame reasons and the whole 'sleep together' thing.

After that, R didn't contact me and I felt like it was sad, but kind of a blessing because I got to focus on building trust between my bf and I and we eventually got back together.

Anyways, in the past year, the relationship has been steadily getting more comfortable and I hadn't had any contact with R or cheated since (I kind of believe once a cheater always a cheater, so this is an accomplishment. I really don't want to hurt my bf like that again.)

Okay here's the sucky part though (as if the rest wasn't already sucky of me) i was posting tiktoks for the first time this week and, little did i know, the algorithm was showing them to people who had my number. I got a call from an unknown number and a text that said "can we talk." I realized from the chat history it was R, whose number i deleted. I didn't answer, but a part of me really wanted to.

I missed him and I felt bad for leaving the friendship the way it was, I was also really curious as to why he was contacting me now?? But I knew I needed to tell my bf before I did anything. He said he would feel more comfortable if I didn't respond and I kind of agreed- but I said I was going to think about it and that I would tell him explicitly before I did anything.

Then the next day I got another call from a random number with my hometown area code- I thought there was a possibility it was R and decided to just act in the moment and let fate decide- I answered and it was him. It was kind of scary, but also exciting and didn't feel wrong in my body. He was weirdly casual just saying hi and that he saw my tiktoks and missed me, we ended up talking like old friends- like the time that had passed had healed some of that old stuff. He told me i was the best friend he ever had, and I remembered all kind of good things about our friendship. I also was able to apologize for ghosting him- if not super well. I knew while we were talking that my bf was not going to be comfortable with this and that I was unsure about what to do going forward and I think R kind of knew that was the case too, so it was also very awkward. when we hung up, it was clear I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to be his friend again.

When I told my bf as soon as i got off the phone, he was understandably very upset, even more so when I said I wasn't sure if I wanted to keep talking to R in the future. I feel really bad for hurting him, I was really mainly thinking about my own feelings. Now he and I are trying to resolve things, but I'm ashamed to say I don't know how I can make it better. I've told him that, even though it's not necessarily what I want, I'm willing to block R again, but I don't think it feels satisfying to either of us. my bf and I have been dating for 4 years now (with that break at 3 yrs) and he means so much to me, I don't want to bring us back to a place of distrust, but part of me feels like this was kind of pent up while I had R blocked. i've never ended a friendship with anyone before or blocked someone, so it all feels really weird to me, but I can imagine that my bf must feel really betrayed by my continued unsureness.

also R and my bf used to be friends for like 5 yrs- then R and I were close for 1 yr. my bf has said he felt left out by that and that he felt like R was a jerk to him while they were friends, so that's an element of it as well.

if you've read this far, thanks so much- advice? AITA? I've spent so much time feeling like scum for the way I handled the situation and while I have to love myself through it- I don't want to keep mishandling it- was answering the call all that bad, do I need to totally forget about talking to R?

What are these acronyms?

[darkstarofchaos]

Hello! Another person who is incredibly frustrated with redeemed Megatron.

Me and my friends have all voiced the exact same problems and that main being that we don't ever get the before him like at all. Hints here and there but for the most part NO ONE outside of the bad guys has any bad blood towards him.

I understand not every kid show needs to be these deep emotional epics but at the same time it's still weird to me that the Autobots, who have lost countless family and friends thanks specifically to the actions of Megatron and his followers, show no sort of lingering resentment. After all, the amount of time between the war ended and the beginning of the show would be like a few hours for beings that live for millions of years.

Having the Terrans would be a great excuse to have the devil's advocate angle when other Autobots still don't feel comfortable around him. I said the same thing in my own Starscream post too about how sometimes people can't change because those around them refuse to let them.

Megatron should've felt alienated from both sides and by him not falling back into old habits and committing to staying good would've actually proved that his redemption was warranted.

I'm not asking for it to take over the show, but these little background moments. Hell, Bumblebee's attitude would've been a little bit more tolerable if you were it was coming from a place of feeling slighted pissed that the cybertronian who more or less ruined his "childhood" (I've accepted that headcanon that any given Bumblebee is basically a former child soldier) is just walking free side to side with his mentor.

The sad thing is that the first couple episodes kinda show some hints of that? Like when Optimus gives his "Roll out" bit and Megatron tells Dot he's never sure if he means him, or Bumblebee being kinda wary when he tries to call Optimus and gets Megatron (also, Megatron's matter-of-fact recounting of how he kept his soldiers in line). It wasn't enough on its own, but they could have continued the trend to show most bots are wary of him at best, or even implied that the reason some Autobots don't show up much is because they don't want to be around him. It wouldn't have taken many changes to show Megatron as fairly isolated, with maybe one or two relationships that kept him from backsliding into his old ways (his friendship with Dot works better for me because 15 years is a long time for a human, and we know he saved her life at least once).

Honestly, I was ambivalent about his "redemption" in season 1? After Jawbreaker asked him about his altmode and it turned out all he had to do to get Optimus' trust was scan an Earth alt, I pretty much gave up on getting any meaningful backstory for him, so I was resigned to him just being Generic Ex-Decepticon (and then What Dwells Within happened and he finally felt like a Megatron trying to do better to me. Not just in his interactions with Starscream, but when he interacted with Optimus and Croft too: angry, wanting to do things his way, trying to do better but slipping into old habits. If he'd been more like that throughout the show, paired with the Autobots responding appropriately to him, I would have enjoyed his character a lot more).

And then Season 2 happened. And we went the "Starscream is worse than his abuser, actually" route. And now I'm like... This is everything I do not want from a Megatron redemption. The only thing I want from a Megatron redemption is for him to face what he did to the people closest to him. Every single Megatron redemption sees him running off somewhere and leaving the Decepticons to deal with the fallout of his war, and he never has to face the people he personally hurt. And when it comes to Starscream, it's almost treated like a good thing that he hurt him, because when Megatron isn't there to "keep him in check", he's worse than Megatron ever was. And then people roll their eyes and say "Starscream is always power hungry and evil, what do you expect?" while Armada Starscream is right there, and EarthSpark Starscream in Season 1 was a hell of a lot closer to Armada than to Cyberverse.

On his own, EarthSpark Megatron was boring and a waste of potential, but not especially offensive. Paired with Starscream, and specifically Starscream as he appeared in the final episode of the latest batch, he is possibly my least favorite part of EarthSpark right now. Not as a character, but as a concept. I like Megatron, but I have no use for a redeemed Megatron who still has to believe that he's better than Starscream, and be supported in that belief by the narrative. The early scene in S2 when Megatron tells Starscream to let the war end could have been a really good character moment, because we would see that there are still things he doesn't regret, and that he truly sees himself as better than Starscream (who isn't even the one to blame for the war's continuation - I firmly believe that, since the Decepticons were the ones being hunted and locked up, it falls to Megatron and the Autobots to prove that things can be different now. And if the war is continuing, it's almost certainly because Megatron and/or the Autobots fucked up).

But instead we get, "Yeah, Megatron thinks he's a better person than Starscream. And you know what? He's right." I am so done with the abuse apologetics.

[waterflowing-under-ground]

I've seen some posts from people in the Witcher fandom (usually who are into both the Netflix show and the books) being confused as to why book fans think Geralt being mean to Dandelion (Jaskier) is a canon divergence in the TV show, when in the books, there are times when Geralt can be very cutting and even a bit mean to Dandelion.

My takeaway from their relationship in the books is that this conflict has the purpose of developing both of their characters (and serving as allegory because we KNOW Mr. Sapkowski loves allegory, and we love him for it! Or at least I do), and there's context around why they can be this way with each other. There's a rich history in this friendship, a comfort and casualness with one another that one wouldn't have with someone they weren't that close with, which in a lot of relationships comes with a safety to BE cutting and blunt with each other at times and know that having these conflicts is not going to mean an end to their relationship. They tend to move on from their arguments and all is forgiven (sometimes after a period of distance, but that's also normal after a hard conversation I feel - both parties sometimes need to process and lick their wounds, or wounded egos), and it's implied (at least to me) that their friendship is an "always" thing, even when they do blow up at each other, and even when the things they say are harsh.

Furthermore, there's so much "off screen" (off-page?) time between them that we don't get to see. But their closeness is implied by others and themselves throughout the entire saga and the short stories. And the things they say to other people indicate how important they are to one another as well.

I do want to point out that my personal take on their relationship is tempered by me being in my 40's and having more than one long term relationship (namely my closest and longest-running friendship which is going on 25 years now, and my marriage which is almost 15 years old this year) where there IS that familiarity and "safety" to sometimes have cutting conversations, or at least "brutally honest" conversations, telling each other things we might not want to hear, but perhaps need to.

My best friend, for example, saw me through a 6-year relationship that was actually abusive. She felt that she had to tell me some truths that I needed to hear, and while some things she told me were hard to hear during that period, I'm so glad she felt safe and comfortable enough with me to be honest about what she saw happening.

She is not a fuzzy-wuzzy cuddly person. But she is MY person. She has been my rock for nearly a quarter century. I would actually trust this woman with my life. I would donate a kidney to this woman if I were a match and she needed one. We are not cutesy fuzzy with each other (although most of the time we're warm, generous, and supportive like a certain witcher and minstrel duo). She's not the type to say "I love you" out loud, so we don't do that because I know that would make her uncomfortable (she's even like this with her partner of several years - some people just aren't as demonstrative with saying the WORDS, but it doesn't mean they don't FEEL it). But we LOVE each other dearly. We don't have to actually say "I love you" to say I love you to one another.

Because we're all human, we can even at times slip up and not be as tactful and sensitive with each other as we should be, or even in a moment of vulnerability get angry and snap (which is completely Geralt in Baptism of Fire). Some of the conflicts I've had with my best friend and my spouse can look a lot like what we encounter in the books between Geralt and Dandelion when they do get into a heated discussion or argument. But these relationships are, to me, "safe" and "always" in my mind and heart. I know we'd have to do something truly *despicable* and abusive to one another for those relationships to end entirely.

What I think people are saying, when they say, "Book Geralt would never *be mean* to Dandelion," isn't that Geralt could never *literally* be mean. It's that the portrayal of their friendship and the conflicts they could have were lacking any kind of context whatsoever. Furthermore, the Netflix show didn't make us believe they were ever MUTUAL friends who loved each other (mutually) in the first place, didn't do enough to build up their relationship and show its history and why they're so bonded to each other, why they're proud of each other, show us HOW the "opposites attract" thing actually works in their relationship, how they add value to each other's lives by having different but complementary personalities, why they had such a strong connection in the first place, why they loved each other, why they enjoyed and valued each other's company and place in their lives.

Instead they made it seem like Geralt was simply tolerating this silly little guy who gets him into trouble all the time, and then out of nowhere you get a tirade of verbal abuse that goes on about how this silly little guy ruined his entire life, and basically a "get out of my life" tirade which is extremely hurtful and broke the show character's heart (understandably enough). Geralt also punches Dandelion in the show, and while they have their share of verbal arguments in the books, Geralt never lays a hand on Dandelion, and even goes out of his way to protect him and save him from violence and physical danger multiple times throughout the entire saga.

Geralt's attempts to push the Hanza away in Baptism of Fire are often cited as the example of Geralt being mean, by Netflix viewers who are confused by book fans saying Geralt being mean isn't canon.

But I think book fans pretty universally agree that Geralt's "meanness" in Baptism of Fire actually stems partially from him wanting to protect the other members of the Hanza from danger, and partially from feeling like he's messed everything up so badly he doesn't *deserve* help or support, or that he can't *truly atone* for Ciri's separation and unhappiness unless he completes the mission entirely alone.

He tries to emotionally push everyone away by being, well, a jerk (which if one is looking to push people away, that can definitely be an effective way of doing so). But his friends see right through this defense mechanism, seem to intuitively know where it's coming from, and seem to understand what he's going through, and are not afraid to call him out on it!

They rightfully roast him for it, but in a way that to me comes across as loving, albeit tough love. To me it's in the vein of, "We see right through your nonsense, we know why you're being like this, because you think you're leading us right into harm's way and you don't want to do that, plus you're losing your mind because you're in a lot of pain and you've lost your daughter and de facto wife who you were JUST beginning to mend fences with before she and your daughter were ripped away from you, so you're freaking out and not being rational. This isn't going to work on us, we're not going to leave you, so just sit down, chop these veggies, and eat this fish soup with us, and shut up you silly man." My favorite moment is when Milva makes the remark about how wolves don't actually hunt alone. Wolves are, after all, pack animals who work as a team to survive.

Modern toxic masculinity harkens a lot to his idea of "alpha males" and "lone wolves" which is total fallacy and nonsense and runs completely counter to what real life is actually like. People, like wolves, are communal animals. We literally need one another to survive. Interdependence, not independence, is the optimal way of being human. Having love, comeraderie, and support are not just frivolities, they're necessities!

To close this, I think the heart of why book fans take issue with this portrayal of their friendship is that Dandelion and Geralt are the longest running thread through the series, each other's "always" person (which in a long lifetime often IS someone's closest platonic relationship, whether that be a chosen best friend or a close sibling for example), and they're so instrumental to each other's character development, that to bludgeon that in the show just runs so counter to what I feel as a fan of this series is one of its central themes, which is that nobody actually CAN do everything alone and without support, that being isolated and alone really leads down a dark path for us as human beings. By stripping away this piece of the story (Dandelion and Geralt's friendship in its true nature, not a contrived one) it fails to adapt the story on that level.

Keep in mind that these are just my opinions. If you made it this far, thanks for reading!

[the5thcellar]

I actually think Luke is serious about A. That age gap is typically what men marry these days. I think he's crazy about her and was taking it slow after a long term break up before going official. That shows intention, planning, and wanting her. I wouldn't be surprised the official IG couple post is coming soon.

I'm just upset that they took it this far with promo. Tom and Z were meeting each other's family outside of work early on, so to say you are officially brining him to meet the fame was a bit much. Closing your eyes when she touches your face? Grade A acting. I hate that it makes me believe he was never attracted to an amazing woman like Nicola. I feel dumb for falling for it all. I hope Nicola finds a handsome guy who will love her proudly.

that's a really interesting take tbh! ive actually never considered he was serious about her in the sense of marrying - but of course this is purely based off the vibes I get and is entirely my own view.

one of the reasons i say this is because luke doesn't seem too inclined to keep a completely friendly distance between himself and nic - i heard that the QC leads india and corey were shipped really hard by fans as well and he had a gf during the whole press run - and towards the end india and corey started posing separately on carpets (i.e. no touching, no friendly hand around shoulder even during photos etc) because they wanted to emphasise that they were really just friends.

luke in contrast seems to have no qualms about blurring lines - and one of the reasons the more rabid fans kept insulting Antonia was a direct result of the fact that he kept stating his "single" status to press. I think he could have helped Antonia avoid a lot of the flak she drew by just stating that he's seeing someone. but maybe he felt it would draw even more attention to his private life and her? idk. i don't want to puzzle over his motivations because I don't believe they are too complex - I've said this many times before and I'll keep saying it - no matter how good a man seems (and I do believe Luke is very good and sweet), trying to justify anything they do is still a sure path to disappointment.

more importantly: please don't feel dumb for falling for the hope that nic and luke could be together! i really don't think they were being deliberately disingenuous - i actually think the opposite - i think they themselves are often confused about what they really are and it's just easier to define it as being great friends. it's strange but i get the feeling that they see each other as a source of potential - it's simultaneously impossible and also the easiest thing in the world for them to envision a reality where they're together - there just seems to be many barriers to it happening for real. they're comfortable living in the liminal space between great friendship and great romantic love - it definitely explains why nic said she doesn't have a relationship in her life that's anything close to what she has with luke. I think there just needs to be a decisive push for them to ever move out of this grey area. it'll have to be something massive for it to ever happen... and it's not something I hold out hope for (again, just to avoid disappointment!)

this got really long; I wish nic and luke all the best and I think they have something very special with each other. I think life has many many stops along the way and I don't think luke has found a final stop in his romantic journey with antonia - they are both very young and they don't have the vibe of "together forever" couples - if they did (since luke is such a big believer in love at first sight) - he'd have laid down a commitment a lot sooner.

again I want to emphasise that this is all MY POV - it's the vibe I get. I'm WELL AWARE I don't know these people irl. There's always criticism of how parasocial fandom and stan behaviour are but I think most fans - myself included - are very conscious of the fact that the way we perceive and interact with celebs is completely one sided. I'm also not a psychic or clairvoyant or anything of the sort. i just strangely feel a lot of things all the time and ive never been chill a day in my life 😂

sending you lots of good feelings and healing - I feel your hurt and unease and disappointment because I feel the same, but it gets easier to accept with each day that passes.

[ttarpii]

satisfied - sakusa k. - Prologue

May 5, 2014 ~ 800 words

m.list

For as long as she could remember, yn had the privilege of Sakusa Kiyoomi's presence in her life. In the beginning, he was just a subtle light that would creep in through the blinds of her heart, but day by day, his light would eventually envelop her being in a soft, yet persistent warmth, and their souls would intertwine into a beautiful knot of friendship.

Everyone has their special person, their other half that complements them in every way. Someone who can tell how you feel without a second glance, someone who can soften your heart when times are tough, and bring out the best of you, all while simultaneously healing the wounds that you didn't even know you had. Sakusa had always been her special person, and she liked to hold onto the greedy feeling that perhaps, she was his.

For the majority of it's existence, their relationship was that of best friends, and neither questioned or addressed it, because, what was the point? When they were kids, anyone could tell that the pair were inseparable. But as people grow up, the concept of two people of the opposite gender being "just friends" becomes more and more unfeasible. In highschool, their classmates didn't ignore the gentle privilege that only yn recieved from the moody spiker.

"Yn, aren't you gonna confront that new girl? Its embarrassing how hard she's tryna get with Sakusa.."

"Why would I care if she wants to date him? They'd make a cute couple honestly 🤔"

"so you're telling me there's seriously nothing going on between you guys?? You're joking right..? I've known Sakusa for 2 years and the only times I've seen him smile are when he's with you, AND TRUST ME, MY INSTINCTS ARE TELLING ME ITS LOVE. 😏"

"I mean.. I've never really thought about it that way before, but I'm sure it's just because we've known eachother so long 😭"

"you're stronger than I could ever be yn, you have this total hottie at your beck and call and you don't like him a little bit?? 😔"

Conversations about their relationship were frequent, and they only grew day by day. At first, Yn was annoyed. Sakusa was her best friend, and it felt like people were insulting their decade long friendship. But as the conversations only dragged on, she started to tolerate them, and then, she started to listen. It was undoubtedly true that Sakusa treated her differently from everybody else, and it was also true that he was indeed very handsome. She never noticed it growing up, but his curly locks framed his face in the perfect way, and his eyes had a special charm to them that fit his chiseled features. Not to mention, the moles adourning his face only added to his beauty. It wasn't long until she realized her feelings. That what she thought was platonic was actually much more complex.

Her friends and peers would only feed her delusions, and eventually, she started to act differently around him, hoping he'd maybe take the hint, confess his undying love for her, and then make a dashing proposal asking her to be his girlfriend. The changes were subtle, she would start wearing makeup around him, be just a tad bit more touchy, and of course bring up romance every so often.

But even if the changes were subtle, of course her best friend would immediately notice them. And of course, he would react, right? But, he didn't? And maybe that was the first sign that something was off. He never gave her any hints back of the possibility of liking her. And eventually, she could tell her efforts were in vain, because the comfort they typically had was gone. An outsider wouldnt have noticed anything, but she knew. There was an uncertainess in his smile, and his voice and touch wavered. She had been wondering when he would recognize her efforts, until she realized. She finally figured out the quintessential fact that shattered her world. The eyes he gave her were special, but they were always set for something else. Sure, he was different with her, but with volleyball, he shown the brightest, and she knew her presence could never give him what volleyball gave him.

He knew of her feelings, but he would never like her back.

It was a simple, yet obvious conclusion. She had been making a fool of herself, how could she call herself his bestfriend if she couldnt even notice how he felt about her? They were strictly platonic, nothing else. In a fit of embarrassment, the extra attention she gave him vanished quickly, and were replaced with larger walls intended to protect him from her evergrowing feelings. And as they grew up, these childish feelings of hers only grew, but as they increased she would only get better at hiding them. Because, it didn't matter if he would never like her back, as long as she had him in her life, she would be satisfied.

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IM ACTUALLY SO SORRY HOW LONG THIS TOOK TO COME OUT. OH MY GOSH IM ON MY KNEES BEGGING FOR FORGIVENESS 😭😭😭

Future updates will not take as long I pinky promise 😞😓🤙

anyways sorry if this chapter was a little boring!! I js wanted to set up some background before getting into the main dish.. 😈😈😈

yn is actually so strong bc I would've folded so hard and so quickly for sakusa

I love it when I can write the title of the story in the actual writing, and I can tell it's going to happen a lot in this one

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taglist(5/30) @soobinsbreadscrumbs @scxrcherr @tsukkinginamo @madiexuberant @eleanorheartschishiya

[inthethickofbleeding]

Thoughts on Bridgerton S3

I'M JUST RANTING OKAY I've only seen part 2 once and these are just my thoughts and feelings I am gonna throw here and delete later when I probably change my mind after rewatching?? I just gotta rant😭

Penelope was so gracious and understanding and forgiving and I felt she deserved, in many moments, to be rightfully more upset, more vindictive, more fiercely witty and proud. Though I do LOVE all the things getting resolved and solved and brought to light and happy endings (I actually do love it), the journey there for me was missing a healthy and (imo) realistic dose of female rage. Just for the dramaaa come on. All the other drama going on here and Penelope is 'grateful for your counsel?' bfr. I'll show you grateful for your counsel by hating on it! She can show everyone her heart AND her teeth. She is more than capable and I thought that her character was reduced too much in the last four episodes. Penelope I want you to have everything, including your full range of emotion and humor and wit. Drink more w/ Madame Delacroix okay?? And with Lady Danbury.

I feel like my husbandColin was weirdly sidelined? I'm actually quite grateful for Part1 Colin, because I haven't landed anywhere yet with Part2 Colin. I knew he was jealous, I knew he was always going to forgive her...and we all knew he loved her....so the conflict/tension between them was not as interesting- for me! Just for meee. And stupidly drawn out. FOR MEEEEE. He had taken so many 'gallant' steps in his relationship with Penelope so when their wedding day and night and subsequent honeymoon days arrived and he was stuck in that attitude I was so unmoved. Don't play with me, Colin. Go worship your wife.

I JUST WANTED ANOTHER PURE VIOLET MOMENT! OF ANY KIND! Like before/about her dance with Marcus come oonnn! This is Violet! Please for the love. Also give me a convo with her and Penelope! Just one real one?? Damn. Her resolution with Francesca was alright? I guess. I do love that she isn't perfect with all of her kids, esp her daughters. But I feel they planted a lot of stuff for her as a mother and as a woman wanting to 'tend to her garden' you know? And it fell awkwardly for me. My favorite Bridgerton forever though.

HATE HATE HATE that Colin went to Cressida's house to make things worse trope. Seen it before. Didn't like it then and I don't like it now. AND he was forgiven so quickly. Absolutely not. DO NOT GO INTO ROOMS ALONE WITH ANYONE ANYMORE COLIN BRIDGERTON UNLESS IT IS UR WIFE PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME SLASH MY SCREEN. Go home to your wife and fix it there before you try to be all heroic outside of it okay. I will shave your head. I think I need Daphne.

Dear Eloise, you don't know what it is to be a friend, to have a friend, or even to lose a friend. Maybe I'm interpreting it wrong, maybe I don't care idk. But we start the show humanizing Cressida, bully since season 1 episode 1, THROUGH Eloise. BUT WHEN IT CAME TIME FOR THE FRIENDSHIP TO MEAN SOMETHING TO EITHER OF THEM Eloise willfully gave up, walked away, ran to the comfort of her privilege with her family and way-too-understanding friend. HOW DID WE CHAMPION SO MANY WOMEN ONLY TO ABANDON THIS THING W/ Cressida at the end as she was literally sent away alone.

Lady Danbury complaints similar to Violet. She is usually a more prominent player, so when she wasn't this season, well, I missed her and wanted anything more about her. But! Love her all the same.

HOW DARE THEY throw Kanthony back and forth all weirdy like that. Kate is here, just let us have Kate. And her lil loving husband. Come oooonnn. Three babies at the end and none of them Kate's😭 And Violet was overwhelmed and they didn't get to have another moment?? A lot of off-screen moments are told to us and we just get to believe whoever says whatever. Every actor here has shown they have skills for show-don't-tell productions! All those beautiful eyes! I just am feeling upset about the random use of this gorgeous couple. EVEN ANTHONY, Viscount and eldest brother of them all just walks away at one point when Colin is obviously needing more of him. Whatever.

Why why why did we have an original song PLUS an orchestral cover of it for both to be so unused??? Tori Kelly's song is so wedding-coded and so romantic and earnest. But it didn't make an appearance for Polin at all. Not at their wedding, not in their home, not in the carriage, not anywhere...

Maybe unpopular opinion but I hated "Yellow" being the wedding song. First see the point above and then please please just remember how much Penelope did to distance herself from that fucking color and the horrible memories of it. NOW! IF COLIN HAD MENTIONED IT SOME WAY OR WHATEVER THEN SUUUURRREEE keep the song. HOWEVER. EVEN THE WEDDING WAS NOT YELLOW, HER FAMILY WASN'T IN YELLOW, WE DIDN'T TALK ABOUT IT AT ALL WHY IS IT THE FUCKING WEDDING SONG WHEN THERE ARE MANY OTHER OPTIONNNNSSSSS WHYYYYY (idc why, I just hated it, even if I did cry).

Benedict has been cute and boring for far too long and that did not change for me in this season. TWO BRIDGERTONS with queer representation in an already huge season with so many storylines going on, I wish we could've celebrated it better. Amongst the thousands of other things that were being celebrated, Benedict has still been separated from them in weird ways.

Not a big point, just an interesting one. But where did Debling go? He just effed off to the wilderness? We spent a lot of time with him (and Cressida) in the first four eps.....and then he was gone.....okay.

Charlotte, I love you. You should know that first. But man you love to crash a party, and a wedding, and I just feel like you should've at least killed someone by now with all these theatrics. Even for Charlotte, I felt she was strangely incorporated into this last half of the season. She and Penelope are technically equals in many many ways- BUT WE NEVER GOT TO SEE THAT WIT AND BANTER PLAY OUT MORE WHYYYY

All in all. It's just my rantings. I was absolutely in love with the first four episodes. There was something so fairytale about it and it was so romantic. So, yes, I was disappointed in part 2 on the initial watch, despite the many things I loved about it. There was a lot going on and, sadly, most did not land for me. Yet.

It's a good show, I still love the show. I will be watching the show. Give me more of the show lol.

[library-of-confusion]

The Well With No Bottom

I've been meaning to write a post for all of the Louis haters out there who say that he never gave back any of the love that Lestat was constantly pouring out on him, but I got so caught up in the research that I never actually got around to actually writing the thing.

The main point that I want to make here is that Louis' love for Lestat is just as passionate as Lestat's love for him, if not more so. He just expresses it in a very different way. From books, to big screen, to theatre and television series, Louis has always been far more emotionally repressed than Lestat. Hell, most of the world is far more emotionally repressed when compared to the King of Emotional Expression himself! Louis loves Lestat fiercely, but in his own quiet way.

In Episode 1, on the night they first meet, well before any physical intimacy between the two had ever occurs, Louis, who should be furious with Lestat for snatching Lilly away from him, instead can think of nothing but Lestat. "My body was seized with weakness. His gaze tied a string around my lungs and I found myself immobilized." If that's not love at first sight, I don't know what is. He's fallen head over heels in mere minutes.

As their friendship progresses, Louis refers to Lestat as his "coal fire" in a cold winter. He points out that, for the first time ever, he found himself confiding his struggles to another man. While confiding in a friend is completely normal, the way it surprises Louis and catches him off guard is not. It becomes obvious that this relationship means something more than friendship to Louis.

Then, of course, we have the scene at the townhouse when Louis finally sets his pent-up desires free. It was him who made the first move to kiss Lestat, not the other way around.

And who initiates that kiss in the church, just before Lestat gives Louis the blood?

It's also important to remember the unreliable narrator of this tale. Louis has clearly left out many moments in his relationship with Lestat that would help the viewer to see it through his eyes. Lestat himself mentions some of these moments in Episode 2, when he starts out by calling Louis angry, stubborn, unaccommodating and maddening then changes his tone to remind Louis that he is also loving, dedicated and thoughtful. Louis may have failed to mention all the moments that cause Lestat to describe him in this way, but Lestat lets us know that they did happen and that no one has ever displayed these admirable qualities to him in quite the same way that Louis has.

While Lestat lavishes praise on Louis to make him feel better after almost killing his nephew, Louis tells Daniel of his feelings for Lestat. "There was present a kind of worship, on my part. The earth beneath me always felt liquid." How many of us can say such a thing about a lover?

To please Lestat, Louis attends another opera. He simmers in indignation as he plays the part of Lestat's valet and walks a few steps behind Lestat instead of by his side, where he wants to be. He tolerates the stares and comments of those around him to ensure that Lestat has a good time. He even drinks from the Tenor with Lestat, pretending to be enthralled by the experience because he doesn't want to disappoint. Louis sets aside his own comfort and happiness for Lestat.

"Aren't I enough?" Louis asks, in Episode 3, about Lestat's little fling with Antoinette. This question comes from a place of utter vulnerability. Louis is admitting his own jealousy and insecurity. And we all know how well Lestat's reaction went over. Of course, by the end of the episode, Louis shoots back at Lestat. Already upset about the way he is being treated and over his complete loss of control with killing Alderman Fenwick, Louis gets angry with Lestat and tells him that the two of them are never going to work and that Lestat will always be alone. He hits where it hurts the most. To quote author Valarie Kaur, "The opposite of love is not rage. The opposite of love is indifference." If Louis didn't love Lestat as much as he does, he couldn't be so passionately infuriated by him. If he didn't love Lestat, he would have no desire to harm him in a moment of rage.

Another perfect example of the above is in Episode 6 when Louis swims across the Mississippi River to confront Lestat about the song. "I hate you," may be the truth in that very moment, but can we truly know hate if we haven't first experienced love?

Also in Episode 6, Louis confesses that despite all that has happened between them, he still loves Lestat with a wounded heart. This is one of the few times that Louis actually uses the "L" word to express what he feels for Lestat. Lestat points out that the way Louis has been killing animals and how he acts somewhat superior about it makes Lestat feel as if he is being looked down upon for his body's needs. Claudia agrees. Once again, without an ounce of consideration for his own comfort or desires, Louis decides, on the spot, that he will hunt humans again for Lestat and for their family.

Episode 7 is a wealth of evidence to support Louis' love for Lestat. Yes, he's agreed to help Claudia with her plot to kill Lestat, but that doesn't make his feelings for Lestat any less valid than they have been all along. Claudia wants him to be a distraction for Lestat, to give Lestat all of his heart while she plans the rest. "I can't do that. I'll lose myself in him," is Louis reply. He knows that if he falls back into old feelings, he won't be able to turn them off. The connection between himself and Lestat is too strong.

When Louis first catches sight of Lestat at the Mardi Gras Ball, he is overwhelmed by conflicting emotion. "A cascade of feelings came over me as I watched him sponge up the adoration. I wanted him dead. I wanted him all to myself." And by the time their last dance begins, Louis has lost himself entirely. "It was my sole duty to distract Lestat, but in his mirrored eyes, the distraction reflected back onto me. And in the dead center of the whispering gallery, I lost the thread to my plotting and fell once more into the well with no bottom. I was his and he was mine." If his words were filled with any more adoration, they would be in a book of love poetry.

Once again, who make the first move to steal a kiss in front of a speechless crowd?

So, to the haters out there who say that Louis is ungrateful and that the only love he ever gave to Lestat was fake or for his own hateful purposes... what in the hell were you watching?

[sailorblossoms-snowbaz]

Baz can't be trusted here (on unreliable narrators and the comphet of it all)

Something very notable to me is that time the author (when talking about how she approached the "love triangle" in CO) said that “it's normal to date people you’re not even attracted to” because yes. I immediately agreed with that when I read it, I've seen it in real life... but it kind of blew my mind anway, because you normally don’t expect a romance author to say that when talking about her characters, and you especially don't expect to see that portrayed in their work. It's not the expectation ("I can see Agatha and Simon are not into each other, but they must have been at the beginning" it's an assumption and an expectation." They never actually express that! "It wasn't always like this, it used to be good" it's never what's said! When Penny talks about their relationship seeing better days, she likely means their friendship, because she says "I don't believe they're in love." They express feeling like they're supposed to be with each other, that they're supposed to want it) (I can and have elaborated before but not here, that's not where I'm going right now) I think this is very important to identify and acknowledge because once you start with “not in love and not attracted, then why the hell they dated?” you arrive at so many answers about who these characters are and what they're looking for. About how a relationship that existed partly because they were trying to find a place in the world makes them feel more lost than ever, and how that's a good thing, because it means they're asking questions they never even imagined existed before, questions that will help them figure their shit out (and figuring it out what they don't want, which is what they had, it's also progress).

But what brings me here right now is Baz. When people want Simon and Agatha to be "real," (as in romantic and/or sexual) the arguments they bring up (it's normal to have romantic or sexual feelings for different people at different stages of your life, which is true, but it's not what's happened with them, we don't have to insist it is for their experience to be valid or to matter, comphet is a real thing that exists etc) are things Baz has very present. I mean, look at his family. He has heard the stories about their parents, and despite her aunts' best efforts, he sees his dad's relationship with his stepmum as valid and even good for the man. He expects Simon to have had romantic feelings for Agatha, and to have been attracted. Even when Simon it's voicing how wrong it all felt (including not feeling shit when he should probably had) Baz still assumes he must've been into her at some point. But note that these are assumptions to Simon comes to find upsetting, that he fights against when Baz voices them when it would be easier not to. I think the most telling part it's when Simon practically looks at the camera in the style of the office and says "what I liked about her is that I didn't like her" – it's comfortable that she didn't awake anything in him. It's safe that he didn't experience romantic or sexual feelings with her ever, because those feelings are too overwhelming to him, too dangerous. Note how he was always losing his shit around Baz, how he comes to believe, when he finally identifies those feelings, that Baz would be the death of him. Very telling too is that while Baz hears and accepts Simon's "nothing compares to you," what Simon reveals here (which can be sum up with "this is part of why he calls himself a baz-sexual") it's shocking. It's likely also hard to internalize, because Baz has programming he had to work against, which includes seeing himself as monstrous and undesirable.

Which brings me to the point about comfort: Agatha is comfortable because she didn't awaken anything in Simon. It's comfortable that he doesn't have to manage or process shit around her, he's perfectly chill in her presence (which is certainly not "baby is in love" or "baby is discovering attraction" behavior) (especially given Simon isn't known for restraint and being chill) (his behavior around Baz, however...) She's comfortable because she's a childhood friend, she's familiar and trusted. She's also uncomfortable. We could make a list of moments that reveal Simon's discomfort with her, which is less about her and more about just not really being comfortable with going through the motions of being her boyfriend (because he likes the idea of it, what it represents, but doesn't actually like being her boyfriend, hence him being "shitty" at it while being aware).

I have compared how Baz sees Simon comfortable beside her vs how he didn't see the discomfort that was very present between Simon and Agatha in a previous scene. I think the gist of it it's discomfort at being reminded of/being perceived as a couple vs comfort at being able to simply be friends again. Again, many reasons for Agatha to be comfortable (childhood friend, familiar, trusted, etc). It stands out but "the guy who's on edge 24/7 can be at ease around a childhood friend" it's probably not something that should stand out that much. It shouldn't affect Baz, and yet...

Here I'm reminded of a recent post where the author mentions Agatha and Simon's friendship won't ever be fully relaxed again (which I find easier to believe than the alternative). In that goat scene, there's comfort that's specifically about them being able to feel like friends again, free from outside pressure and influences... while, at the same time, we're reminded of the pressure, the optics that pushed together in the first place with Baz's thoughts. The framing alone makes it so it's not fully comfortable... and what are the current standards of comfort for those two anyway, given that they have been used to discomfort while dating? Given that this very moment is followed by some level of discomfort when both have their version of "what happened there is nothing to be jealous of, it's just a moment of friendship" with Niamh and Baz? How can we know if there isn't an undertone or some lingering awkwardness that's sort of brushed aside or pushed through in this particular moment? (Simon is shirtless until he gets close to Agatha, he's fully clothed then).

I've spent so much time noting the discomfort between those two (because of the comphet of it all) that it always stood out to me that Baz highlights comfort (hence that long ass posts) and while I don't think he's entirely wrong (for reasons already stated)... he's actually not someone who can be trusted to assess shit when it's about Simon and Agatha. Every time Simon processes or reaches conclusions about how wrong he felt dating her it's in Baz's presence (because he wants Baz to understand, even when he himself doesn't) but Baz is still affected. The wounds are still fresh. At this point, he has spent a longer time believing Simon was destined for someone else than he has spent believing Simon wants to be his. It fucks with his emotions and perception, even if he logically knows he should know better. There are years of programming he has to go against. He might be good at reading others in certain circumstances (clocked Shepard's deal with Penny pretty quickly) but the "golden couple" and interest in himself are huge blindspots. Note that he thought they were happy together even when Agatha explicitly told him otherwise (when Penny was observing the same thing and essentially saying "this isn't it, please go back to being friends" – granted, she was looking more closely, but still). Note that in this very moment, Baz is looking at them and being affected by the optics of them standing together, and how that very much would fuck with him (notable that that's how Simon describes the relationship too, optics! when he should be talking about feelings! as "a picture where I look like who I am supposed to be" and what are the feelings? "feeling like a fool" and expressing discomfort) (Niamh seems affected too, but she doesn't seem like one for nuance, or to be trusted in her perception either – doesn't she still calls Simon "her boyfriend" to Agatha despite being corrected?)

Baz links the image of them standing together to the sun. He has to look away. It burns. If you can't even look at something long enough... you won't notice the details.

So how can he be trusted in his perception of how comfortable Simon truly is, about the type of comfort he's feeling (because there's the bad type, the "turning off my brain and not pushing myself to figure out what actually want" type) and where that's coming from? If there's a struggle Simon is pushing (or attempting to push) through would he even notice? Or would he be too blinded, too burned to look closely?

[sabo-has-my-heart]

Hello again, I'm back with another request though I'm not entirely sure if it counts as an emergency request or not. I'm one of the people who has a request from your notes goal post though and would be happy to DM you if needed though so please just let me know. I have a friend that I've talked to almost every day for years but we also fight a lot. Usually we're able to move past things and talk through them but it also often feels as though I have to comfort him, no matter who's actually at fault (for example, he does something rude to me but when I bring it up he completely spirals and I have to console him) and it was growing tiring so I began to put less effort into our friendship. In truth it feels like we just don't talk as much unless I'm the one bringing something to the table. Lately we've just been fighting more and more until finally he crossed a line and did something that really hurt me. When I brought it up he said he knew it was wrong but also laughed it off with an "apology" (I say "apology" because he was literally laughing while saying sorry) as though it wasn't a big deal. I tried to move on but everything just feels different now, like this isn't just something that can be laughed off. Part of me knows I need to just move on, but it's hard to just drop a friendship when you've spoken with them very day for years, almost like I'm addicted to a person. If possible could you please do something with Ace helping the reader realize the friendship they're in is toxic when they get hurt again after making excuses for the friend for so long, and helping support them through learning to move on? The dynamic between reader and Ace can be romantic or platonic and reader can be gender neutral as I want fics that can help me to also help as many others as possible!

Thank you

- 🌿

I'm so, so, so x1000 sorry this is soooo late!!!!! I finally got my stress down to a manageable level where I can write again. But I still wish it hadn't taken me so long 😭.

Warnings: toxic friendships, GN!Reader, GN!friend, relationship not established (up to interpretation)

Word Count: 1400

     Leaning against the ship’s railing, you stared out at the ocean. Staring out at the ocean was the best part of living on a ship sometimes. The cool ocean breeze, the fresh air, the endless expanse of water stretching out in front of you, the warm sun on your skin. So calming and soothing… and yet, in a sense, it was also why you were so troubled right now. Your best friend was mad at you again. You’d been friends since well before you’d set out to sea, back before you met Ace and joined him on the waters. Even back then, the two of you fought often, sometimes nothing more than petty arguments, sometimes as big as screaming at each other. Back then, your fights were different, yet the outcome was still the same. You would fight, get angry, shout, and then suddenly you’d find yourself trying to comfort them. Giving them a shoulder to cry on, a warm hug and a soft blanket, comforting words and apologies. It didn’t matter who started it, didn’t matter whose fault it was, you always ended up comforting them. 

     The fight this time had been like a lot of yours since you’d started sailing. They wanted you to come back home. “It’s dangerous”, “Aren’t we friends?”, “Is Ace and his crew all you care about?”, “don’t you know what you’re doing? What you are now?”. You understood it was dangerous out here and you understood you were a pirate now, but you loved it out here, loved the sun and the water, loved the people that had become your family. That never seemed to matter to them though. All that seemed to matter was their happiness. 

     You’d slammed the den den mushi down rather hard in your anger, accidentally startling the poor mollusk. Thankfully, you’d only slammed the microphone down, so at least it hadn’t been hurt in your anger, but you still felt bad for scaring the creature. The snail’s frightened eyes had immediately pulled you out of your anger, making you feel guilty and quickly running to get it a snack to cheer it up. Another being that you had to cheer up after your fight with your friend. 

     You nearly jumped out of your skin as you felt a hand on your shoulder, spinning around to see a familiar freckled face looking at you in concern.

     “Hey, you okay? You seemed pretty distracted.” Ace said, his brow furrowed as you put a hand over your heart, trying to calm yourself down.

     “I… yeah, I’m okay. Just… just thinking.” you muttered, turning back to look out at the water, “Staring out at the ocean helps me calm down and think.” 

     “What’s got you so wound up that you need to calm down to think?” Ace asked, leaning with his back to the railing, looking over at you.

     “It’s… it’s…” your hands clenched into fights as you struggled to get the words out. They were your friend, you shouldn’t say anything mean or bad about them, right? You shouldn’t talk about them behind their back like this, right?

     “It’s f/n, isn’t it? Thatch said he heard you shouting in your room and earlier you said you were going to call them today.” Ace said, giving you a sympathetic look. You couldn’t help but hang your head, unable to look him in the eye.

     “We… got into another fight.” you muttered, your voice barely audible.

     “You always do. And in another hour or two you’ll call them back to try and work things out. Then they’ll start blubbering and make you feel terrible, then you’ll have to comfort them, and it’ll end with you apologizing and them ‘apologizing’ and you’ll both say ‘bye, talk to you later’.” Ace said, rolling his eyes. You looked up at him, your brow furrowed slightly.

     “I… that’s… that’s not true. I…”

     “It is true and you know it. Hell, you know it, I know it, Marco knows it, fuck, even Stefan knows this! This happens every time. You fight, you get angry, you calm down, you talk, they act like the victim, you make them feel better, and you part.” Ace said a little roughly. You flinched slightly as you looked away. Had you really done this so many times that Ace knew how things would go? Were they really so bad that you were so predictable? “The one time things didn’t go like this, you were so hurt that you barely said a word for a week! Fuck, did they ever even apologize for that? And not some bullshit apology like ‘oh gee, I’m sorry, that’s my bad, ha ha ha.’” Ace said mockingly, giving a rather bad impersonation of your friend while giving the dumbest face. You couldn’t stop the small smile on your face at his impression, finding it amusing how stupid Ace was making your friend sound.

     “They… they uh… they apologized… Sort of. I mean, they did sort of laugh it off, but they sounded sort of apologetic. And I mean, they-” “No!” your eyes widened as Ace cut you off.

     “No, that’s not an apology. Not ‘sort of laughed it off’, not ‘sort of apologetic’. Either they apologized or they half-assed things to make you think they apologized so you wouldn’t leave. You don’t ‘sort of’ apologize after hurting someone like that.” Ace said sternly, giving you a hard look.

     “No, it’s fine, really. I’m… I’m sure that they meant it a-” “Stop!” Ace had pushed himself away from the railing this time.

     “Stop defending them, stop making excuses, stop… this! They’re manipulating you so that you won’t leave them. They’re making you feel guilty so that you feel like you need to apologize. That way, when you ‘work things out’, they don’t actually have to try and do better. They’re making themselves out to be the victim so that you think they’re a good friend to stay by your side. You don’t need them! No, you know what, you don’t just not need them, you need to stay away from them! I tried to keep my damn mouth shut, but I can’t watch this ship wreck any longer! Y/n, you’re one of the people I care about most in the world. You’re important to me, so please, believe me when I say that you need to cut your ‘friend’ off like a diseased hand!” Ace said, grabbing your shoulders roughly as he stared into your eyes.

     For a moment, all you could do was stand there and stare at him. Part of you knew he had a point. Your friend was being terrible to you, but part of you couldn’t face that, couldn’t admit that the person who had been your friend for so long was treating you so terribly. You couldn’t just cut them off like that! They’d never talk to you again! Seeing the conflicted look in your eyes, Ace sighed.

     “Listen, I know it’s hard to believe, but I swear, I’m not lying. They’re a piece of shit. If you don’t believe me, ask the others. Marco, Izou, Pops, and Vista all know what’s been going on, ask any of them, they’ll agree with me. Hell, explain things to the others and they’ll probably agree with me too!” Ace offered, a slightly desperate look in his eyes. He needed you to see what was happening, needed you to finally realize that you didn’t need your so-called ‘friend’. You could feel yourself start to tremble as you tried to swallow the lump in your throat. He was right, you knew he was right, but facing that, admitting that, had you feeling like you would crumble. In an instant, Ace had his arms wrapped around you, pulling you into a tight hug.

     “Come on, you’ve been the comforter for long enough, you need to be the comfortee this time.” Ace said softly, making you chuckle slightly at his word choice.

     “The comfortee?” you asked with a small laugh, wrapping your arms around him, allowing him to comfort you.

     “Yes, the comfortee. You know, the person being comforted, like carrier and carried. I’m the comforter and you’re the comforteed.” He reasoned, making you start laughing.

     “Alright, I’ll be the comfortee this time.” you said, relaxing in his hold. Maybe he had a point, maybe you needed to remove your ‘friend’ from your life… and maybe you needed to be the ‘comfortee’ for once.

[celsmedia]

My favourite Disney movie ౨ৎ

A review written by Cel

I finally decided to write my love and thoughts about this movie after never finding enough words for it. Tangled is the first 3D animated Disney movie with a disney princess and was their animated studios' 50th movie. It is loosely based on the german fairytale "Rapunzel" by the brothers Grimm from the early 1800s. Some of Disney's previous disney princess movies had also been based on the brothers Grimm fairytales. As we can see in the animated movie we're introduced to this kingdom called Corona, this place is based on the german culture and architecture along with some characters' names. The music is written and composed by the infamous Alan Menken, whom I've admired his work for as long as I can remember, he has composed for Disney multiple times such as the soundtrack for The Little Mermaid. I officially became a fan of him earlier last year when I started watching Tangled's sequel series "Rapunzel's tangled adventure" where he had also composed the music, I definitely recommend watching it if you really enjoyed the movie. One would assume it is some type of spin-off but surprisingly it connects with all the details from the original movie.

To start off with my love for this: I was never a big fan of this movie as a little kid as I am right now. Of course I knew all the words to the songs and the storyline, but I was more of a Cinderella and Frozen kid. Even so, this movie was still on repeat on my family's TV most of my childhood and I safely assume the DVD got ruined because of how much it played.

Tangled is my favourite Disney movie and have been for a very long time. I don't remember when it really got to me, but it was always a comfort movie I could watch all the time if I felt bored or didn't have any movie choices in mind. After watching it atleast once a month (unaware of the amount of rewatches), I felt emotionally attached to it and I knew I could relate to Rapunzel. She is a witty, creative, and curious 18 yr old girl who had been trapped in a tower for most of her life without knowing the true meaning about it. My favourite relatable thing about her is the amount of hobbies she mentions in "When will my life begin?". Disney did really well showing domestic abuse and passive aggression from mother Gothel, us as the viewers already know that she's the bad guy in the story but Rapunzel doesn't which makes her relationship with her feel so natural. Her realisation is one of my favourite scenes because of the recollection of her early memories. I feel the intention of this was to help young children who watches it would maybe realise if they are actually being treated badly and neglected. Of course a young kid wouldn't pick up the bits and pieces that fast but it is easy for someone to think their treatment and relationship with their parents are natural which is the same case with Rapunzel.

Now with Rapunzel's romance that I am very fond of. If you really think about the time Rapunzel and Eugene spent together and the ending of the movie, it is quite weird how they just got married already. They met a day before her 18th birthday, he was on the run and she wanted to see the "floating lights". The fact that Eugene was canonically 26 years old in the movie which can seem pretty weird, but in the series they reveal he was 23 as he turns 26 at the end of the last season. I love how they didn't make them flirty at the start of their friendship which obviously would be natural for two strangers and especially for a girl who's never talked to another human being other than her mother. Flynn Rider, the name Eugene went by, was not happy with this trip he had to do if he wanted his satchel back. It's just wholesome to watch them progress throughout the movie and the way their feelings begins to develop. I like to think Rapunzel admired him from the start, as Eugene fell for her later on. If their relationship had a trope I would definitely say the "she fell first, but he fell harder" trope. In the sequel series, they start the story some months (i think) after Rapunzel returned to her real parents. But she and Eugene hasn't been married yet, she actually said no first because she felt insecure and was still trying to be used to her new life. Their relationship took years with complicated feelings and miscommunication which is one of the best parts of the series. Me personally would've said "yes" right away to Eugene. He is probably the most handsome and dare I say best Disney man. I mean they did put a group of women at the studio to work out his best design..

This is definitely the best animated movie among Disney for me, every scene is just satisfying to watch and it's like letting your brain rest for over an hour. They captured such beautiful moments in animation and perfected it so well with dialogue and music. One of my biggest dreams would be to watch this on a big screen with a live orchestra, and possibly Mandy Moore and Zachary Levi sing too.

I also want to address the live action of Tangled because of the current rumours about the castings. As far as I know, Disney hasn't fully confirmed that the live action is in the works and everything so far is just rumours or assumptions. Only a few days ago 1-2 articles had been found informing that Disney has reportedly casted Avantika Vandanapu and Milo Manheim as Rapunzel and Eugene. This caught a huge amount of attention and controversy on social media, and my biggest problem with this is how people actually believe it. I really thought we were past believing absolute everything we see on the internet, especially from websites we've never gotten information from. Because why would a website almost no one reads suddenly have Disney's thoughts of their cast? Worst is the people believing this and being racist about it. Avantika had never been a choice in my fancast for Rapunzel as she doesn't fit her description, but that does NOT mean she shouldn't be allowed to play her as there are plenty versions of white Rapunzels from before. The people using this casting to compare it with saying "Tiana/Moana should be played by a *white woman*" are who annoy me the most in this situation. I've had multiple arguments with different people the past couple of days because of stating how comparing those two are not fair and the inaccurate casting isn't the same difference. First of all: Tiana's appearance and storyline are based on her skin colour and culture as she's an afro-american woman from the 1920s in New Orleans. In parts of her movie her "background" even gets represented as a problem for her to achieve her dream, this movie is obviously made to represent our beautiful black people in the world. Shocked they didn't get a representation until 2009. Second: Moana is based FULLY on polynesian culture and through polynesian mythology, even her voice actor was encouraged to be a part of that. Auli'i Cravalho, her voice actor, is native Hawaiian and encourages their culture along with the music Lin Manuel Miranda wrote. At last: Comparing this rumoured Rapunzel casting to Tiana or Moana is wrong as her story isn't meant for representation of oppression and not based on her skin colour. Yes, it is loosely based on the brothers Grimm's fairytale which is German and the movie does show German details in the story but things will always change and they already are. Why not let today's children grow up with beautiful characters that can let them feel as included as every white person can with the previous characters? I can say this has never been a problem to me growing up even though none of the disney princesses looked like me, it still makes children aware of it at some point and when I realised I didn't have a disney princess that looked or was based remotely on people like ME, I began hoping Disney would make a south-east Asian princess. That's why I agree that Disney should start making new disney princess movies representing more people instead of not having an accurate casting for the character but honestly, Rapunzel's SKIN colour is not that relevant to her story at all. Anyway, my fancast for Tangled has always been Meg Donnelly and Milo Manheim after watching the Zombies movies. They have great chemistry and both of them sing perfectly! I'm excited to see how this live action movie will turn out, after Halle Bailey's "The Little Mermaid" I hope it will be as amazing.

My love for Tangled is endless but to finish my review I want to thank you for reading all the way down here. If I was only allowed to watch one movie the rest of my life I might have chosen this or a 2-3 hour long just to be entertained longer. The amount of times I've watched this has made me able to recite most of the scenes and the whole film is engraved to my mind. I think if I had enough time and peace I could literally sit still and watch the movie scene by scene in my mind. Again, thank you for reading!

Written and edited by Cel

05/04/2024 Friday.

[sapphicflower-ao3]

this is gonna be a RANT; im devastated by your fic "in your dreams, nerd" rn. so a while back in high school i was in marching band and i had a friend who i made to be my co-section leader. we met through marching band, and i'm his senior by two years. we got really close because of band, despite him being a little mean to me sometimes.

anyways, i had been with a different person at tht time right (they were my first love; wasn't really the ideal relationship, was quite toxic actually).

when i was still with that person, i used to have consistent, amazingly realistic dreams about my co-section leader. it would all feel real; i would feel the way his arms would encircle around my waist. i would always wake up feeling conflicted

although i think i was in love with my (now ex) partner, i think i might have been in love with my co-section leader this whole time. this whole time i've literally just pushed the feelings away like ehh he's just a really good friend

but i genuinely cannot forget all of the times we've been the bestest of friends, and incredibly, TERRIBLY tender with each other. one time we sat knee to knee in the stands during an out-of-home competition and we shared a blanket and when i wanted to put vaseline on my face he did it for me; and that was the same competition where i asked for comfort and he knew exactly what to do

the time where the band was at disney and i helped him pick out a shirt; held it to his chest to see if it looked good, and it was just so DOMESTIC. and then because we fell out AT disney our friendship was never the same. but we made up months later and honestly our friendship breakup hurt WAY more than my breakup with my ex partner

the way we used to text all the time, send eachother memes, it wouldn't be the same if he wasn't there; i often wondered if he wondered about my absence too. i miss his friendship very much way more than the idea of even being romantically involved

there are so many other things i could say and i wish i could tell him how i felt but we literally never talk. it's been a really long time since we've had a proper conversation, how exactly do you tell someone you're barely friends with now that you love them?? i considered getting really inebriated to tell him so he can reject me, but idk it feels so stupid and i feel stupid and ugh

it feels like there will never be an opportunity for that kind of thing again tbh

oh that def sounds like a story of the one that got away!!! 🥺 and also sounds like such a devastating and heartbreaking experience, idk how you managed to get through that alive…

but uhhh i really am the worst person to give advice on anything given my lack of experience ;—;

i will say though that sometimes there’s ppl who we wish we could revive back into our lives, but we just can’t go back to the past. sometimes the only option is to forego closure and just move on.

but other times it’s possible to reconnect again. idk which of those categories you guys would fall in, but maybe it wouldn’t hurt to reach out and see how they’re doing? with a relationship so complex and close like that, maybe they even feel similarly abt you

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[maxphilippa]

Beware of HybridAlex17.

CW: Guilt-tripping, Suicide Baiting, Manipulation, Stalking, Identity Theft, Death Threats. Please read this. It is very important.

Hello, I usually don't make these type of posts, but lately I've been too stressed to even be here on Tumblr due to a certain individual in The Lego Movie Fandom. And that person is @/HybridAlex17.

Weeks ago, I decided to cut ties with this person on a calm way due to the fact that I genuinely couldn't keep the friendship going on any longer. Truth is that this friendship made me feel like I was trapped.

I'm in no way invalidating his trauma and suffering, and of course, I will always try to help my friends in times of need, but Alex constantly needed me to "comfort him" and basically be there for him all of the time, making me responsible of his emotions since he's an very unstable person "who would think of the worst case scenario happening to me" if I didn't told him what I was doing at the moment. Of course, friendships are meant to work through bad and good times. But there's moments where you should realize that you have limits. I had mine.

And I couldn't possibly just stay any longer in a relationship where it felt like I had to take care of someone. That's not what I'm looking for. It never was. I felt unsafe and constantly scared about what he could do to himself if I said the wrong thing, as he was constantly feeling bad about everything. And call me what you want, but I realized that, I do not want to be there. But even then, I didn't have any hard feelings towards him. I genuinely wished him the best and to get better, but I couldn't be there to see that change. My mental health mattered. So I spoke to him very calmly about it, reassuring him that I do not hate him and I just wanted to cut our ties peacefully.

(At the moment, I censored his name to protect his identity. This was before I blocked him.)

Then, in reply, he guilt-tripped me, wishing that I never met him, that he died that one time, that this never happened, and everything. Despite me having high hopes for him to actually react properly, he didn't. So I ended up blocking him in all of his accounts and just calling it a day, because I didn't want to think of it. Sounds pretty fair by now, right?

Well, the story does not end there. Some more days later, he would then tag me on a PUBLIC POST (because he couldn't just DM me, I guess), apologizing for taking it too personally and for everything in spanish. I spoke to my friends about this at the moment because I really didn't feel like it was genuine. You would never post an apology towards someone unless you would want them to feel pressured to reply to you, right? Well then, because he did this already MORE THAN ONE TIME with me. I blocked him because I really didn't want to deal with it. It was tiring and I was hoping that he would just give up.

(This account of his does no longer exist.)

But then, here comes the impersionation thing. Three days ago, my friends sent me an blog that was weirdly similar to mine. Lucy icon and the description, eh, ya' know. Very fucking basic. And look at the URL. A mix of the words Max and Philippa but changed to spell Philippines.

And if that does not convince you, then take a look at this post.

"Android Emmet AU".

I swear to fucking God.

You guys might or might not know that I'm the creator of the Android Rex AU, I created it on June 22 of the past year, being the second AU I've ever made. So he didn't only just made a weird puppet of me to pretend that we're still friends, he's STEALING THE WHOLE THING AND TRYING TO MAKE OTHERS THINK THAT IT IS AN ACCOUNT OF MINE.

But seriously though. Come on. He's not fooling anyone. It's an pathetic imitation of who I am, of what can I do. He's acting like he knows me enough, but he never even tried to. He could never replace me. He will never get me back. And he knows it. He knows it so well.

Yesterday, it was my birthday. Of course, it was a great day for me. But various anonymus asks came in for me then. The first ones were kind ones, but then, there were some that straight up wished that I was never born and that I died! And hey! Not to assume! But that was Alex in different accounts! Because he literally stopped once I turned the anonymus off and one of my friends stood up for me!

And you can see this by scrolling through my blog just a bit!

And once he realized that he fucked up, because they thought that this friend of mine didn't have any relation with me (despite the fact that I do have posts where I drew their guys), he blocked them and "apologized". Can't even take responsability for such a messed up thing.

And he just didn't stop there. Wishing me death? Expected it. But how did he know that it was my birthday? Because I blocked him before I ever publically told it. And that's when it hit me. An alt account. And someone sent me a post in which he drew Android Rex and Joseph, two of the main characters of my AU for my birthday, saying that he wishes the best for me and stuff.

I never fucking told you when my birthday was. You could have never possibly known unless you were stalking me over an account. You use alternative accounts to boost your own art and don't even try to deny it. People will realize once they take a look. So many empty accounts. Instead of moving on and just fucking accepting that I cut ties with you because you made me feel scared of even entering this app, and learning from your mistakes, you're being a fucking creepy man. And don't deny it. You've done this to a bunch of people here. My close friends were affected by your shit.

And I know that you're going to see this.

And just so you know, since you crave my attention so fucking much to the point where you created a fake account that was "me" so you could still think that nothing happened, let me tell you something.

I was never angry at you. I stated that I wanted to cut ties because I couldn't be in such a toxic relationship. I respected you as a person. But then you tried to make me feel bad about my choice. About everything I do. Because that's what you're good for. Is this how you treat your friends? Because Good Lord. Seeing your true colors makes me think that we were never really friends since the start.

And even then? I'm not angry at you.

I'm disappointed.

And I already hit my favor quota on saying this in the most harmless of ways possible, but I'm feeling generous. So. Like. Have some dignity, would you? Don't be an asshole. Move on. I already did.

I hoped that you would move on. But you never learn anything, do you? You said how much you cared about me back then. I guess death treats, constantly stalking someone, and impersonating them is your way to care.

I will never be your friend.

And to those who read this post, please, do not harass HybridAlex17. As much damage he has done, he's not worth it. What I would be thankful of is that you guys report the fake account he made of me, since I can't do it myself. And let others know about him and his doings.

If you're a friend of HybridAlex17, then I'm deeply sorry. I do not have any hard feelings towards you, but I would rather not interact with anyone who is.

And with this, I'm done. Take care, all of you.