#and will never know how close he came
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I can't wait for the Reuben March Fancy Gala scene
#bunch of uncanny rich freaks crowding around nat and cooing at him and stabbing him through the hand#and being all ''ooh I wanna try :)'' while he's just like. trapped by societal expectations and politeness and absolutely terrified#these people treating him like the newest model of some fancy product#then jaspeeeeeer is also there#and nat comes thiiiiis close to getting drugged and bundled into a van but he has no fucking idea#and will never know how close he came#ehehehehe#also the gala is to celebrage March's newest pharmaceutical endeavour! the Expanding The Human Energy & Lifespan project!!#don't worry about the acronym :)
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me n moze say good morning to the world !!! ᕙ( •̀ ᗜ •́ )ᕗ
art by @rabbbitseason of course <3
#🐦⬛🐕 .#<-#hehe i took inspo from kai’s rb of my mb:>#MY FIRST MOEVIE COMM#this is queued#im asleep (at least i should be by the time this is posted) but it’s a mystery as to how i will fall asleep knowing i would have to#close my eyes and not actively stare at this for the rest of my life#full factory reset i really don’t know what i would even say to this 🥹 im just#things i would do for bitti : anything! i cannot think of something i wouldn’t do for her#i gave her the most cursed ref known to mankind and she came up with this im so 🥹 thank you so much … your art blows me away every time ….#i may pass out seeing him in your style … the way you did his hands and he’s so big#this is me -> ໒꒰ྀི o̴̶̷̤ ̯o̴̶̷̤ ꒱ྀི১ at this HSJDNCN aaaaaa 🥹#i will also state the very obvious and say that bitti is such a pleasure to work with ajsnxnkck ….. please im on my knees#when i saw this- my stomach literally flipped inside out and my ears were ringing .. and my heart was beating a million beats per second#if bitti’s comms were open for eternity & i won the lottery- i would commission so many mozes ….. the world would be full of bitti’s mozes.#^ though that sounds terrible for bitti … im so sorry#i swear that won’t happen i would never do that to you#he is sooooo yum in your style (severe & outrageous understatement)#but what i can do is stare at this all day#THANK YOU BITTI UEUEJJSJS 🥹🥹🥹 I HOPE UR PILLOWS R ALWAYS COLD !!!#not even aventurine’s shield can protect me from the 100000000 damage i took from this /pos#such a shield doesn’t exist in the hsr realm or the real world !!!#evie.ss#IM KIND OF ANGRY THAT I KNOW THERES NOTHING I CAN SAY TO EXPRESS HOW I FEEL !!!!! WHAT COULD I SAY >:#WHAT AN ODD FEELING WHERE I AM reduced to my knees but from positive emotions alone …#im so dizzy /pos let me stop here this is already so long omg 🥹#edit: dude /gn my screen time is gonna skyrocket because im still staring with such a dopey smile on my face ahsndnxkc gosh im happy :’) th#thank you so much bitti …. this means so much to me#i literally can not put into words how much this has made my entire year :’)) im so soft im so happy
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something that pisses me off in RA is that Flanagan will occasionally hype up Pauline as this super important and prominent figure in Will’s life, even treat her as a proxy for the mother he never knew, and yet will just refuse to show it beyond the like. two or three (personal) conversations that they have in canon. I get that he was attempting to make her an important person in Will’s life but why not do that by actually making her an important person in Will’s life
#hey Flanagan I hate to tell u but just because she’s married to Will’s father figure does not automatically make her his mom figure#what REALLY annoys me is how easy it would have been for him to connect her & will#like hey. if only there were a pretty clear gap in Will’s education that halt couldn’t fulfill - say for example mmmm diplomacy?#(cause we all know how gifted halt is at conflict resolution)#then he’d have a valid reason to seek out a master of diplomacy for lessons in negotiating compromises & treaties#but no I guess not. Will’s just naturally good at diplomacy despite never really being exposed to it#yk what extra sucks?#if Pauline HAD taught will about treaties & stuff then him receiving the last name treaty wouldve been 1000x more meaningful#it would’ve spoken to her influence on him and solidified her as a sort of parental figure in her own right#AND as an extra extra bonus: if she came to the cabin to teach will about negotiation tactics and such#then we could’ve gotten more halt/Pauline interactions. as in: we could’ve actually seen them being in love ON SCREEN instead of just being#told that they loved each other#will could’ve had a chance to see how much the two of them mean to each other. and then he would’ve had some actual basis for a speech#at their wedding or whatever#but yeah no why do that when we can just imply that will & Pauline got super close off screen? same effect right?????#ranger’s apprentice#pauline dulacy#halt o’carrick#will treaty#I love these books so so much don’t get me wrong. but there are just some things……#anyway.#jackie rambles
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MAYBE I GOT MINE BUT YOU’LL [ALL] GET YOURS
#GREG SWEEP!!!!!!! FUCK IT UP#i LOVE this framing of the episode sfm.#at the beginning tom tells him; you save information. you gather it up. and then you USE IT LATER when it will do the most damage#greg asked tom's permission first to damage sh*v and he got it. he acknowledged it and remembered it.#he saw how much tom was hurting and tired and stressed and fucked up. he witnessed sh*v take tom aside while all 3 siblings#were BATTERING tom and stressing him to shit. he SAW that afterwards tom was emotionally exhausted#he had enough of tom being fucked around so he was like do you want to fry her ass up? shall we tell them? shall we let the siblings know?#do you want me to do it? do you want me to be your attack dog? do you want me to bite for you? and tom said; wait#heel. so greg did.#and then RIGHT when it was needed the most. when sh*v came close. greg ATTACKED. gregweiler unleashed.#tom should come with a sign; CAUTION! GUARD DOG ON PREMESIS.#tomgreg#and greg has been threatened and given shit SO MANY TIMES and never used the information he's sponged.#he never used stuff he knows about ken even though ken threatened to burn him even after ken said he wouldn't.#it was for tom.
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HAPPY INTERNATIONAL LESBIAN DAY
My lesbian headcanons <3 they are precious to me
#yes lesbian kacchan#he/him lesbian kacchan she/he lesbian kacchan they/them lesbian kacchan she/her lesbian kacchan he/they lesbian kacchan she/they kacchan#lesbian kacchan would be so powerful n you know it#shes famous to me#comphet ochako my beloved#i also felt weird when it came to boys and blushed over the idea bc from a young age I learnt I was meant to impress them and to be liked/#/desired by them but never wanting to actually be in a relationship mainly feeling the pressure#then falling for a girl and really really wanting to be close and have cute dates and show her how shes lovable#comphet ochako is so real is insane#the canon lesbians how could anyone forget them#lesbian Mirko! her VA is so correct about her shes a sapphic shes a girl kisser shes everything she wants to be#lesbian yaomomo! rich girl falling for the punk girl what can I say#ill always defend my lesbian katsuki#grrr talking
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everytime i feel bad and stressed about my life i remember that i might be in a troubling situation and having a bad time but im not season 4 fiona gallagher in the clink after leaving crack on the counter which my 3 year old baby brother happened to ingest resulting in a fatal near-death experience thats wracked me with never-ending guilt and forever altered my life
#this storyline was stupid you expect me to believe two-apples-tall liam gallagher came close to the crack AND managed to ingest it?#the crack which is lined up on the kitchen counter?#Also i don't believe that fiona would be irresponsible enough for liam to have been able to be close to the crack#that was an ooc moment and not like “its ooc cause thats the point shes going thru a tough time”#morelike “so ooc that it seems like a discrepancy that was overlooked for the sake of drama and shock value#as an older sister i feel like being watchful of your younger sibling if crack is in their general vicinity is an unstoppable instinct#its just not a plausible situation sorry like this is coming from someone who wholeheartedly embraces the realistic idea#of fiona falling short sometimes and being very human by struggling to consistently maintain her doting attentiveness#but anyways it's complicated cause Fiona clearly put it somewhere he cant reach#so how did he get access to it????#its like getting mad at a parent for putting a glass of wine on the counter#not comparing that to literal cocaine obviously this whole situation was nonetheless messed up#but just for some perspective... the writers were clearly doing cocaine themselves if they thought that#liam was bungee-jumping onto the counter and showing off his skills as an apparent budding olympics gymnast#not justifying anything but. listen.#the fact that it was on the counter FOR A REASONNN shows that fiona was careful to keep it out of reach and NOT do something insane like#putting it on the table#liam somehow magically having access to it defeats the purpose of it being on the counter.#if they really wanted for it to be believable that liam managed to snort it they should've put it on the table#but we already know that situation wouldn't be believable in its entirety cause we know that fiona would literally never leave it there#WHICH IS MY POINT. LIKE THIS SITUATION IS JUST ANNOYINGLY UNBELIEVABLE. FIONA WOULD NOT DO THIS AND HOW DID LIAM EVEN GET TO IT??#theres like 39482939 overlooked discrepancies just for the sake of getting to the shock#just to circle back Fiona would literally never let liam go near crack no matter how far gone and fucked up she was#I KNOW THIS BECAUSE I AM AN OLDER SISTER.#its just so UGHHHHH anyways obviously i still think in canon yeah Fiona was at fault shouldve been more careful and watchful#no matter how you look at it its clear that a risk like this just cannot be taken and she had to be blamed to an extent#but me personally? i reject it because it didnt feel natural to me at all there were 394939 other ways to frame a Fiona downfall#And i loved all the other ways her spiral was shown like getting messed up and ending up in Sheboygan#all the shit she got into with robbie + the impulsive urge to ruin the good thing she had going with mike#so human and believable and deeply flawed unlike the liam situation which was horrifically OOC and unrealistic
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the order doesn't matter that much also the "not for me" tier can range from "man idgaf" to "WHAT THE FUCK"
#there needs to be a term for something tangential to shipping but not quite shipping because that's how i feel about reiramu honestly#like just. the concept of rei being haunted by his wife through his own work with which he dared to defy the limits of humanity#but it's fine right? they're just shallow copies. they share her face but they're hollow. they're just puppets.#they don't have feelings of their own. when a clone is disposed by chuohku it's the equivalent of killing a fly#but there's this one clone. he's a defect.#oh well you can always just improve on the next line of clones#but he can feel things the others can't. he has a personality. it's not quite like hers but they share a lot of the same values#he's *not* her. the face is the same but the smile isn't. the way he laughs isn't the same.#but he's rather fond of that jinguji jakurai is he not? you and that doctor share a lot of values as well.#but those two are close because of completely different reasons. surely.#and ramuda has gotten close to ichiro and saburo but he's not close to them in the way a mother would be.#but then again she never got to raise saburo herself did she? how would ramuda act if he befriended jiro?#fine. maybe he reminds you of her in some ways. but how does he think of you? a boss? a handler? a creator? he doesn't know who he came from#you look at him the same way you looked at nayuta but what if he looks at you the way ichiro does? that's a little....#man i've been rambling for a while. what im saying is that i think amayado rei should be tortured by his own creation every waking moment#but ramuda is just like :ppp#i'm not fucking maintagging this.#valiant posting
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i was looking up tips for formatting bilingual books (for example, a copy of idk the iliad with ancient greek on one side, english translation on the other), but i didn’t know the word describing this kind of format 🤔
so i was stringing together keywords like “book with two languages” and one of the results was a reddit post with someone trying to find a book that alternates between multiple languages, i.e., there are no translations, it’s it’s one text, but half of the story is in english, then the other half, or interwoven throughout, is in french or whatever
and it took strength to not suggest the hussite trilogy 🥴
#the elbow-high diaries#i need to read it a second time for the more bg characters and the politics. and i need to read it a third time for the dante.#and im chewing away at manuscript discovered in a dragon’s cave rn and#im kind of torn between trying to read it quickly (learn the content) and trying to dissect sentences and spelling (learn some vocabulary)#so you could say im half of the time trying to pay attention to words and their spelling and learn them based on the translation given#and then i get caught somewhat off guard#im like ‘ok that spelling is… that’s not polish. what is this. german.’#‘okay got it. alright [moves down page] ok now he’s just speaking latin for fun now’#i’m not complaining to be clear i just find it funny because there’s so many damn references and weaving together of different#languages cultures literary traditions canons mythologies etc.#it reminds me when i had just started reading interviews with sapkowski#and before then i had just read season of storms and i was like ‘what is all this latin how pretentious is he’#and then i read the interviews and i was like oh. that’s just how he talks#when the intellectual regis randomly quotes cicero in lotl… i can see where that came from#also again to be clear i don’t think it makes one particularly uniquely intellectual to know and use multiple languages#i think its probably what the global norm is#but what makes it funny with andrzej sapkowski is that#as dandelion said about regis: ‘(he) was an intellectual. and liked to demonstrate it’#but i think this is what i like about his writing—particularly bc i never was especially close to anyone like this irl#though i think this is maybe for the best… sometimes… intellectuals are best read and not known 😬😅
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Is it just me or is “The Blue” by Gracie Abrams SO Elriel coded?😭🥹
#Elriel#Azriel Shadowsinger#Elain Archeron#the blue#Gracie Abrams#You'd talk about your dad He used to get so angry He'd scare you and your brother 'Til you felt you needed saving#I know I'd let you in On all my bad decisions You'd make them feel less terrible The second that you'd listen#I wonder if you know If you can tell I'm losing I'm going down without a fight I don't know how you do it#I wont forget the feeling Of staying up with you Despite the space between us Ive never felt this close to someone what if your my weakness?#You came out of the blue like that I never could've seen you coming I think you're everything I've wanted#Maasverse#good riddance#ACOTAR#fangirl problems#songs that remind me of ships#songs that remind me of characters#I pulled another Michael Scott making myself cry over a tagline for a movie idea I made lol#ACOTAR ships#ACOTAR 5&1/2
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and they’re boyfriends
#oppenheimer#lawrenheimer#i just made that name up 💅 let’s get this ship sailing#IDK how to explain it but the CHEMISTRY they had#it was unbearable i felt like i was choking on air when they were close to each other#so good. literal art#wait sit down let me convince you to ship them!!#personally i shipped them from the first moment but the scene that is really precious for me is that one#when Izzy and Oppenheimer are sitting in the hallway and you see Lawrence walk in and then immediately leave when he sees them#cause like. you KNOW he came there to give a NEGATIVE ass review but then he saw Oppenheimer sitting there looking all defeated#and he just couldn’t do it#and i especially think of that scene in contrast to the discussion on Kitty’s testimony#since both of these scenes occur in the hallway some fake-deep analysis is necessary#it’s like 🤌🤌 Lawrence protected Oppenheimer with his silence the way Kitty protected him with her testimony#sort of a way to hold onto his morals while letting Oppenheimer go just out of sentimentalism#(my bad theory is that Lawrence was HURT by the knowledge of the affair w Ruth because it meant he wasn’t the only one 🤫)#(GOD i can just picture their relationship it would be so MESSY)#(Lawrence hopelessly in love. Oppenheimer being well aware and just using him for his body. Lawrence who can never refuse him anything.)#(wait did this turn into a foil for the relationship with Jean???? but with the roles reversed??????)#also?? irl Lawrence DID testify against Oppenheimer and ripped him to shreds (😭) so like. we know what movie!Lawrence protected him from#ohh and what i also find really interesting is the parallels with Kitty since off the top of my head there’s 2 more#the fact that Oppenheimer takes Lawrence to New Mexico as he did with Kitty later#and the fact that Lawrence encourages Oppenheimer to be ambitious and take the opportunity w the project#(and iirc it’s his words that finally convince Oppenheimer?)#anyway that was my dissertation on why you should ship them; if you aren’t convinced then i hope i’ve at least made you mad 😴
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ok but imagine. lime goes up against the witch king and he fails!!! for one of the first times in his life he fails at something!!!!! but then mochi is able to defeat the witch king and for a sec lime is relieved and he’s so proud of her. he loves her so much. but then he sees a bright light and mochi falls. hes panicking slightly and calls her name quietly then louder as he runs over. the whole battlefield is so quiet bc everyone is like “was that…? did she —“ and once lime reaches her he pulls her body into his lap and takes one look at her face and just SCREAMS. the girl he loves is gone. her eyes are vacant. maybe if he were a little bit stronger he could’ve at the very least helped her defeat him. maybe land the final blow so she’d still be alive and she’d be smiling at him. maybe he’d get to tell her he loved her. but he has to settle for sobbing those words into her hair as he holds her to his chest — to feel her warmth one final time before its gone for good.
btw can totally imagine lime looking up and seeing sulluvan looming over him and lime has a full meltdown saying he won’t let him take mochi
PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
especially since that was the optimum plan.....let lime or taffy kill the witch king so they dont have to worry about if the wrath of the stars is even real or not
imagine if no one even realizes or registers what happened until they hear lime screaming and THEN it starts to settle in that oh god, please no, not mochi, are you fucking kidding me.,..
and as for sulluvan.......100% lime would lash out at him. get the fuck away from her. but i think the way sulluvan operates is a bit two-fold in the sense that he has a presence in the land of the living and the land of the dead at the same time. so yes hes standing near them, watching lime sob and cry and scream and beg over mochis corpse, but he is ALSO in the land of the dead watching mochi (or her soul anyway) doubled over and crying, not ready to face him, and not ready to leave yet,..
sulluvan calls out to her spirit and she says she knows. she knows she has to go. and asks him just give her a few moments before she has to leave
(anyway all that to say that lime couldnt stop sulluvan from taking her soul if he tried. its already happening)
#edit: i deleted a thing i wrote bc im actually not sure thats how it works so if you saw the first version no you didnt#the real pain is sulluvan with mochi in a realm of pure white and shes crying alone not ready to leave#he calls out to her again and she cuts him off and tells him she wont be with him. (I know you want to keep me with you but i cant do it.)#refering to his thing about making her his wife#now would be the time since shes in his realm for real#uhuhgf lime not being strong enough is pain#after everything theyve been through and all hes put himself through#thinking he was finally strong enough to be by her side but cant carry her when it counts#after the timeskip and after he beats her in a sparring session he tells her (Looks like I finally caught up to you.) with a cocky smirk#and at the end of all things he mutters out a (I guess never caught up to you after all huh...)#WOULD LOVE IT IF HE CAME CLOSE THOUGH#IMAGINE LIME BEATING THE WITCH KINGS ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOULD LOVE TO SEE IT!!!!!!!#but there was no way someone without magic was ever going to beat the first witch. it just was not gonna happen
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Hiiiii! So, a few days ago you were talking about the whole thing with Amy, Rory, and River. And when I saw those posts a thought arose in my head and I wish to share it with you.
Since River grew up with Amy and Rory as Mels. And Mels was Amy's best friend do you think that they ever talked about children? Since I know that it can come up when talking with friends, and like... do you think that Amy might've ever expressed whether or not she wanted children?
And if she didn't, that Mels would've had to listen to her mother say that she doesn't want children? The idea is so heartbreaking and sooo interesting.
What do you think about it?
no, no, see, you're so right and this drives me wild.
because, the way i see it, i don't think amy wanted children. she's somewhere on the 'hasn't thought about it' to 'vaguely negative feelings about it happening' range to me, which falls sharply into 'Not Happening Ever Again' post-s6. (specifically, in terms of having a kid herself, even if she could, i really don't think she would. i do love that she and rory end up adopting a kid later, because that does make sense, for amy pond who grew up alone in one universe with her family swallowed by cracks in time before the doctor helped her set it right again, for her to want to make sure another child won't be alone in the world like she was. getting off-track here.)
and that's so. because the first real memory river/mels has of amy is of amy shooting at her. and depending on how well the silence fucked up the rest of her memory, it might be one of the very first memories she has at all. that's how she met her mother, crying for help and getting a bullet instead. her mother tried to kill her, so of course, you have to think. she must have needed to hear that she was wanted, right? even if she was taken away, even if amy shot her, at some point, melody must have been wanted?
river is good at getting people to do what she wants, but she is very, very bad at subtlety. and mels is younger, has less practice, so when she wants to know this, she's just going to ask. blunt and quick, easy enough because amy's used to the way mels will open her mouth and you just have to be ready to roll with what comes out if you want to keep up. it's why they're such good friends (like mother, like daughter.)
they're nine, and mels asks if amy wants kids, and amy wrinkles up her nose and says she won't have time for children, obviously, once her raggedy doctor finally comes back. they're fifteen, and amy and rory dance will they-won't they in a way that makes mels twitchy to watch, and taunting amy about wanting to have rory's babies is a good way to get on her nerves. but amy calls her gross, tells her she's got more life planned than children would leave room for, and besides, imagine her, a mom? it'd be a disaster.
mels does. a lot. she looks at her mother and just sees her best friend instead. she's not even sure what she wishes was there, but. maybe amy's right. and besides. imagine her, a daughter, instead of the ticking time bomb she really is? it'd be a disaster.
they're sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, and on. mels stands on the outside of a love story that births a universe. and her. how do you compete with that? not that she would know, not yet, she hasn't been there. but it doesn't make her feel any less alienated when amy and rory talk in whispers about a half-remembered world that's bled through to this life, about roman soldiers and boxes and the big bang of belief.
all these memories, they never mention children. on amy's wedding day, she's different, not like someone remembering a dream but someone who lived it. rory stands straighter, won't leave her side, and they're both so much older than they were yesterday. maybe now, right? a wedding's as good a time as any to decide you want kids.
mels not being at amy & rory's wedding is such an obvious lazy way of them trying to explain why they totally didn't just throw this plot twist together at the last minute that i'm not even going to acknowledge it. of course she was at their wedding. she's their best friend. there's too many people around the doctor, and she wasn't ready today of all days, so despite this horrible burning need under her skin to strike, she stays her hand. doesn't let him dance with her because she might just tear his throat out if he gets too close. stays with amy and rory as the maid of honor should. she must have been there for the awkward questions that always gets asked, 'so, any plans for a baby?' 'when am i getting grandkids?' 'oh, you two are going to have gorgeous children together.' standing a few feet from amy in her wedding dress and watching her mother tense and grit her teeth and brush off the questions. watching her look nervously at rory but never ask if he means it when his mom asks him if he'd prefer a son or a daughter, and rory answers 'either one, some day, not anytime soon.'
god i'm just going on and on, aren't i. but really, what's it like to know that amy never changed her mind. the next time she sees them, she's already been born and stolen. i don't like let's kill hitler for. so many reasons. but there is something compelling about how recklessly river lashes out at the world, at the doctor. even her sacrifice at the end is almost suicidal, throwing all her regenerations into this man without knowing if that will even work or if it might kill her to do it. but it makes more sense in the context of someone who has reached the end of a long, long wait for some kind of indication, any kind, that her mother wanted to have her. and finally been told, no. she didn't choose melody.
#like. to be clear also: i don't think the fact that amy didn't want kids and really didn't have a choice in giving birth to river#means that she wouldn't love river. i think it would make their relationship Complicated but i do think amy loves her. so much.#that's her daughter but it's also her best friend.#but like. god. to spend your whole childhood hoping you'll hear about some little glimmer of yourself.#a dream. a passing mention. a debate on baby names. anything. and to hear nothing.#and river is. like. she is really really bad at relationships right? we know this.#the person she's closest to is the doctor and she spends most of her life believing *he doesn't even love her*.#we're talking about someone whose base assumption about everyone is that they will try to hurt her at some point so she should always keep#one hand armed.#and her mother. didn't choose to have her. didn't have that choice. that has to fuck her up a little.#(and also serve as proof that river is. so so bad at knowing when she is loved. because maybe amy didn't choose to have her but she named#melody pond after mels her best friend. she has been choosing river every day for the past however many years since mels decided to come#here and be near her mom and dad even if only as kids. but river still can't see it.#and. given the nature of how the ponds disappear from her life. and we never get any closure about them and river.#you have to wonder if she ever did. river song do you know your mother loves you?#having the melody-as-river reveal be so close to the end of the season and then getting rid of amy & rory before they can actually do#anything with the three of them as a messed up little family unit is the show's biggest crime. because i don't know! i don't know if river#knew her parents loved her! i don't know if she *ever* came to terms with how she was born and how they didn't need to choose her then to#choose her now! i don't know if river ever really felt comfortable thinking of them as her parents rather than her friends?#according to the transcripts. river calls amy 'mother' twice. (and 'mummy' once jokingly.) she calls rory 'father' once. and 'dad' in angel#in manhattan. and it just. it drives insane right? it's almost weirdly formal. like the words aren't right but she knows she should say the#and. and. i don't think i'm ever going to get over river song.#i think that's the takeaway here.#ask#doctor who#river song#amy pond#rory williams
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sweet sweet re:kinder community... I would like to ask y'all how you came upon the game and your experiences with it because i wanna know. im genuinely so curious to hear about other people's experiences and little opinions about this game because of how wild the game is (/pos) I'd love to hear it. do ramble to me about it
#re:kinder#not art#so in my case i once saw someone talk about it in a video and some scenes with the very vague context really struck with me#i was like wow...that is so sad... i wonder what goes on#but the thing is i watch videos talking about games like that ALLL THE TIME while im multi-tasking so i FORGOT FOR A YEAR?!?!?#until one day i was sick in pain on my bed could not move. and then it came to me. yes. “RE:KINDER. I SHOULD PLAY IT.” LIKE OUT OF NOWHERE#i will never understand how i dying of pain remembered a game i saw once BY NAME AT LEAST A YEAR LATER when jve heard of so many games#and you wanna know why it stuck with me. i saw in the video an image of the “as if id be reborn as a princess” line#i did not know the context but it was devastating#AND WHEN I PLAYED THE GAME when that scene game i was shocked to silence😭😭 BECAUSE I BASICALLY WENT COMPLETELY BLIND??#I DID NOT KNOW THE LITTLE KID WOULD BE THE ANTAGONIST???? AND THAT HE WOULD HAVE SUCH A SAD STORY??#like. i saw the sad coming i knew it was bound to happen yet i could have never been prepared for how hard it would hit me#I HAD TONS OF FUN but at first when i finished it i was so confused and so lost i was like welll.....what a game... TOO STUNNED FOR WORDS#then i thoughr of it for 20 minutes and bawled my eyes out and realized it was art#so when i got to my second playthrough i CRIED LIKE CRAZYYY😭😭 I WAS BLOWN AWAY IT REALLY HITS YOU#personally it admittedly hit close to home and while it made me bawl my eyes out it was also very comforting i felt very understood#AND IT WAS CRAZY FUN TOO i was not bored once the first time i played through it i was sleepy but i was so excited to keep playing😭😭#its funnt becayse i was initially apprehensive about playing cuz im sensitive to stories where sad things happen to kids#but i played it regardless because i was like “but what if its one of those scary media that hit close to home and i enjoy”#AND I WAS RIGHT. BUT NOT ENTIRELY BECAUSE I DID NOT THINK IT WOULD HIT AS INTENSELY AS IT DID😭😭 IT WAS MYCH MORE THAN EXPEVTED#many ways in which it impacted me but if i started listing them i would not shut up . so for now it is enough#IN SUMMARY WOW.. WHAY A GOOD GAME!! PLAY RE:KINDER!!!#i rambled more than i intended to i do apologize
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#gonna make a really personal and selfish post but idk where else to write#i don’t know how to explain this to my bf cause it’s only been a month and i didn’t even get to tell him about 1d#and now ill never get to share that in the way i wanted to#this is how im gonna have to introduce and merge those part of me that are so close to my heart#and i just don’t know how to do it#we usually call when we get back from work but i couldn’t cause i broke down as soon as i came home#and i know he saw my story that’s probably why he didn’t call either#i just don’t know how to explain or if someone who didn’t experiment this can even understand#and i feel bad that he can’t be the first thing in my mind rn#and i don’t know how to say that without making it sound like a celeb is more important#but at this moment it is#cause it’s not some celeb it’s a huge part of me#i wouldn’t be here without 1d and now i have to keep going when he won’t
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Dude it’s fucking nuts that the world just keeps on going and people just keep on dying.
#there’s never enough time#it’s always the second I think I’m getting through something else happens#It’s KCH’s family member and I am being strong and keeping it together for him#but fucking christ this shit is legit traumatizing fam#he called me at work to tell me and I shut down and went numb IMMEDIATELY#not even because I’m sad#I mean I am#but the call came and I was frozen for what felt like 20 years but was actually a few seconds#just frozen while my brain went through that whole fucking day again#when will I stop being afraid of answering a call that tells me someone else I love is dead?#it’s not about me though. this isn’t about me. I’m not trying to#I just….am trying to be a good wife ok#but idk if I am?#idk if I can continue to be?#with like helping with the grief#but I’m at such a loss man#I’ll do whatever it takes for him#I just don’t know if it’s enough#and i don’t know if my psyche will survive it#was already spiraling because August is closing in#like what do I do? how do I get better for him?#I am tryingggggggggggggggggg#I wish I could just disappear…..
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literlaly terirble night last night
#first of all the gay party was capped and me and my friend were devastated cuz we were so ready to make out w girls#second of all i went to the other frat that me and my gf met at and guess what. i fucking saw her there#id been there before sinc ewe came back but ive never seen her so far there but idk what i was expecting#not only that but we literally met at the drink station as in full relapse of last sem when we also said hi there and hit it off#so mebarrsing#not only that btu this frat was so good last sem but now its ass so the music wasnt even fun and i wasnt feeling it#and then these ASSHOLE GUYS are mocking me for being an english major. that REALLY pissed me off#AND THEN on my way back im waiting for the bus and she and ehr friends pull up tot he bus stop too#and then i got back to my dorm and just sobbed for like an hour and wandered around voice memoing my friends sobbing#like its so humilaitng its so fukced up how much our breakup is impacting me why cant ijust move on#i know its been like 4 weeks but comeon . im sor eady to be over her i hate feeling this dread#AND THEN im finally like you know closing my suite door and the lock jams so im fidgeting with it and one of her friend makes eye contact w#me. SHE DOESNT EVEN LIVE IN TEH SAME BUILDING AS ME!!! WHY WAS SHE THEREEEE#and i literally have tears all over mye yes and i had no idea she was coming so we just made ey contact and then i shut teh door
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