#and why? because we don't yet UNDERSTAND the mechanisms which drive them?!?!?!!?

[thedandelionresistance]

So uhhhhh someone's trying to argue that psychiatric disorders can exist on an entirely non-physical level

1. This is from a sociopolitical analysis of the institution of psychiatry, and I suspect is therefore taken wildly out of context at best and is irrelevant to actual neurology at worst.

2. It claims that psychiatric conditions have not (yet) been convincingly SHOWN to arise from physical conditions, directly contradicting the claim that humans are embodied and therefore all human activity is biology-dependent.

3. Unless the claims of genetics being largely unrelated to mental health is about a very specific topic, that's just science denial. The MTHFR gene has been heavily implicated in multiple commonly comorbid conditions that are also suspected to be post-viral in a large percentage of cases, such as chronic fatigue syndrome, POTS, and mast cell diseases. Multiple conditions, from diabetes to bipolar to autism to again, mast cell diseases, are known to be highly genetic, despite the exact genetic cause often still being unclear.

4. The sources used to back up the prior point are: an article in "Independent Science News for food and agriculture", which also platformed multiple articles and even a Twitter thread about the conspiracy theory of covid being leaked from a chinese lab; and an article about how the diagnostic criteria of bipolar was changed and is now overdiagnosed to sell more drugs.

5. The supposedly "suppressed" "negative" articles are potentially out of date (I've had a harder time accessing them). From what I can find, though, the former is a book largely considered more political than scientific, which was criticizing overly reductionist perspectives on genes as related to systemic social inequality. The latter appears to be about personality and "neuroticism" primarily, with little said about genetic roles in psychiatric health. It seems that they do not actually contradict the possibility of even some genetic influence on psychiatric health, let alone physical influence.

6. The whole argument is a logical fallacy, arguing that because we've ruled out some of the few biochemical and structural/physiological characteristics that could cause mental illness, we've ruled physical causes out entirely. It uses two highly specific discrete claims about two disorders in the vast spectrum of mental health, claiming that brain sizes affected in part by antipsychotic use do not seem to cause schizophrenia and that all other differences in neurobiology are likely due to "intellectual ability" and the conveniently vague "other uncontrolled factors". They further use depression and schizophrenia again to talk about how two specific neurotransmitters had not been proven to cause the illnesses - specifically, ones which have evidence supporting their role in other disorders, such as ADHD. While some of the theories of chemical imbalances causing mental illnesses have since been more conclusively disproven, others have had more evidence emerge supporting them having some role in multiple psychiatric diagnoses.

7. That whole paragraph actually only focuses on whether or not there are neurobiological causes for mental illness. Even purely sociogenic mental illnesses, such as certain cases of PTSD, still have been shown to have effects on the brain at a physiological level, while others show up in studies as changes in patterns of bioelectrical brain activity or changes in chemical production or reuptake efficiency. Proving or disproving origin does not actually provide evidence for mechanism. However, in case I am misinterpreting the word "cause" here and it is actually meant as "mechanism", disproving mechanisms is quite literally part of the process to find the true mechanism, and does not actually support that psychiatric conditions occur entirely separately from the physical brain.

Essentially, even aside from the irreputable and irrelevant sources cited, the lack of scientific consistency and sociopolitical focus of the excerpt; the author's repeated self-citations; the failure of insufficient, unreliable, and outdated evidence to support the claims they make; the fact that their actual argument that mental health problems are not "equivalent" to other health issues; amd that psychiatric conditions have not yet been observed as arising from a direct proven neurological source, while actively admitting that humanity is stored in the body, so to speak...

None of this proves that there is not a biochemical or physiological mechanism and/or origin for psychiatric illnesses that, in our search closed eyes in the dark for understanding of the human brain, we are fumbling for. Neurology is a science in its infancy compared to most other medical fields, still stumbling its way through "four humours" levels of rudimentary understanding of the highly complex processing and control unit that is the 86 billion neurons of the human brain. This is even more true when we soften the science of neurology into neuropsychiatry, practically poking experiences of the conscious mind with a caveman-stick. This is not to disparage the sciences, but rather, to point out that we understand so little that we can't even recognize the full scope of our ignorance, that 600 years from now may earn us the same ridicule as blood-letting leeches and cocaine soda for head colds.

More to the point, anything we process - sensory input, emotion, thought, pain, dissociation even, oppression, poverty, trauma - it all goes through the brain. Our entire understanding, self-conception, and consciousness arise from biochemical, physiological, and bioelectric actions and reactions. The "self" is essentially a simulation run by a fleshy machine as it responds to stimuli and generates aspects of identity from desires to beliefs.

While the point that the excerpt is likely building to in a larger context, that many mental illnesses may originate in part of in whole from factors like systemic injustice and external conditions to the body, that doesn't make the illness itself occur outside of the physical human bodymind. Even experiences like religion and "communing" with a higher power, astral projecting, and so on, require your brain to perceive them as occurring, which means that extremely complex series of chemical production and absorption and electrical signals and activity traversing specific paths in specific regions of the brain are occurring.

The same is true of mental-illness-as-reaction-to-conditions.

To argue otherwise is to argue that some metaphysical conscious separate from the physical human body exists. This is just cartesian dualism, and falls entirely outside the realm of science and well into philosophy. If a "soul" of the self exists that can suffer an "illness" or other "corruption" causing severe distress and dysfunction within the physical world, it is outside of the realm of science to even examine, let alone make claims about. Furthermore, even then in order to be perceived within our physical reality, the brain must process and/or create that perception of said "soul" and "illness".

This is far more into the realm of philosophy than is comfortable, considering that philosophy claiming to be science is just pseudoscience in a stick-on mustache. (I respect philosophy in its own right - love it, actually - but when it plays at being a rational and empirical science, I draw the line. It has its own internal logic systems and reasoning which has little overlap with or application to scientific methodology.)

But, returning firmly to science, the irony is that it's entirely possible that some psychiatric conditions may not be entirely or even primarily neurological. The gastrointestinal, endocrine, lymphatic, and immune system have all been implicated to some degree in having varying degrees of impact on mental health. Some conditions we call mental health may originate in dysfunction of other systems, which may also in turn be driven by external factors. The brain is the control center of the body, and the body processed all consumed materials into needed resources for the brain and body alike.

Some primarily physical disabilities even have significant neurocognitive symptoms, such as brain fog/cognitive impairment and strong mood swings. Some symptoms themselves may straddle the line, such as seizures and sleep disorders/disturbances. Some physical symptoms, such as dysautonomia, have been reported to cause symptom sets highly similar to neuropsychiatric conditions like ADHD, traumatic brain injuries have been observed to sometimes replicate symptoms of dissociative disorders, and Chiari malformations have been noted to sometimes cause anxiety.

Mast cell disorders have overactive release of neurotransmitters as part of the process which drives symptoms, and those neurotransmitters can affect the brain strongly, to the point of causing an array of mental symptoms - some of which even drive further degranulation in a vicious cycle.

In any case, mental illnesses may not all be neurogenic or even primarily neurological. But they are still, in fact, physical. Everything we perceive or imagine must be processed by the brain. Only the imperceptible does not cause any sort of brain action or reaction, and if we are not aware of it or affected by it on any level, it's outside of the realm of science, let alone medicine.

Now, if you wanna talk philosophy, we can argue whether something must be perceived to exist. That's a really fun philosophical topic, one which I contradict myself on, even.

But from a medical perspective? Medicine, including psychiatry and the classification and treatment of mental illness, does require a perceived experience which affects you, which results squarely into some kind of physical process in the brain. That's science, babeyyyyy!

[08melancholie]

I've just read your “Micah is not 'just another bad guy'” post, and I think I understand your frustrations with the willingly shallow understanding so much the fandom exhibits towards Micah. But I'm curious, what is the appeal? /gen

I can agree with the sentiment that he is a good villain because we hate him, and that he's decently fleshed out enough to hold some sort of depth. Despite that he's still very intentionally static. There's a small amount that the game depicts about him to be sympathized with. His morals and motives do not change nor is there a dynamic shift in his character. He is not just an antagonist but a villain. He is a bad guy, not just a catalyst to our beloved Arthur's death, but a character with purposeful, very common malicious intent. I don't believe it as much of a 'defense mechanism', because that seems a little apologetic, but simply that he is just not a good person. He is selfish with the disguise of 'survival' and that is a moral choice. Sometimes whatever distinctions exist in that context don't need to be addressed. Besides his writing, how do you find the room to like him? Is it the potential of his character beyond the bluntly written malice? Does his tragic backstory explain his behavior or simply excuse it? I think holding appreciation for a character's place in the story is different from appreciating the character themself. The choices he makes aren't really slip-ups caused by a nature he can't help or struggles to. His manipulation and interactions are calculated. He is still human, yes, but placed into the story as merely an ignition to the gang's tragic downfall, it shouldn't be surprising that people will hold shallow feelings towards a shallow role. His curse is arguably inevitable, and it was intentionally made to be.

But of course I understand the nature of fanon. I think Micah enjoyers (not apologists) are justified, but I also think those who flat-out do not like him and don't care for his depth are also. Neither should be warring because it's a waste of energy in my opinion, but sometimes people just will not spare room for a bad person or bad actions, and that's plenty acceptable.

I don't think nor ever claim that Micah is a good person, I agree that he's horrible and that his actions in the game are unforgivable, considering all he's done to mess up the gang and their lives; getting a good 40% of them killed as well. Micah holds a generous amount of depth which can explain, but not excuse, his actions. I always make sure to mention that, because you can't find excuses for Micah.

P.S.: In my "Vengeance" post, which I have yet to finish, I talk a lot about Micah's past; childhood relationships, possible trauma etc. Once I finish that, I'll make sure to link it at the end of this post.

The reason I used the term 'defense mechanism' is because, while yes; he is a villain, I do think the jabs at everyone is an attempt at staying 'above' everyone, hence why he calls people 'cowpoke', which is by definition "the lowest ranking member of the cattle drive hierarchy, usually given to the very young, incompetents and drunks." The reason I called it a defense mechanism is mostly because he'll pick on all of the more 'liked' members; so Arthur, Charles, Javier, for example. Charles and Arthur especially—these are two big, strong men that could probably twist him in half if they so pleased, like how Charles effortlessly tosses him in one camp interaction. But that's how I think he thinks he stays, so to say, 'above' the others in the gang. I don't exactly know how to explain it, so please bear with me if this doesn't make much sense😭.

To answer the question about appeal, the reason why I like Micah is the writing, not much else. There isn't much else to like, in fact, without it being questionable what the person's views in life are. I think that sometimes you just don't need a reason to like a character. If they appeal to you, thats just that. You don't have to justify why you like every character with a dozen different reasonings. I like how he was written, his purpose in the game was pretty straightforward and well thought-out to still be original and not like the generic story villain and I think he's attractive, but thats past the point LMAO.

I don't expect people to not hate him or not hold shallow feelings for him either. I myself don't like him in the story, I've said so before many times. Most of his choices throughout the story are bad, no denying it, however it just feels wrong to see people claim he was a bad character, when he truly wasn't. When he's framed as just another story villain, I feel like the work of R* and the writers is just swept aside as well, which I feel bad about.

Finally, if you want to understand more why I like Micah, these two posts will help. They're a little long, especially the second one, but if you're willing to read, go ahead!

"Why Do I like Micah?" — "Micah Bell (ASK)"

p.s. sorry if none of this makes sense, i just woke up for school

[iknowshocker]

Do you believe kai is redeemable?

hi anon!

the short answer, in case it's all you'd like is: yes, 100%.

i either agree with or understand all of his choices, even the ones that suck. so in a lot of ways, to me, he never needed redemption.

the long answer, if you'd like to know why:

first i think i have to explain my general thoughts on kai as a whole, because some of my personal headcannons differ from others in the fandom.

i've never, not from the moment he showed up a feral little gremlin munching pork rinds in the prison world, considered him to be evil.

Kai lies/disregards things and masks 90% of the time, and yet he's always super open about what was done to him growing up. "they called me ____", "i remember them doing ____", etc. it would be super easy to paint his childhood any way he liked, and yet he doesn't. he knows what happened to him was wrong, and he's going to remind you every chance he gets.

i think he developed sociopathy as a coping mechanism after years of abuse and isolation. i headcannon that they were a homeschool family, which just furthers his lack of social interaction. if he was allowed/forced to help at all, it was doing the manual labor chores while Jo was the one handling anything that involved physical touch.

as an older sibling myself, him being the oldest boy specifically and the complexities around his feelings of wanting to protect them/being jealous/getting robbed of his birthright haunt me.

if you want to get into my true roman empire (those freaking christmas sweater photos) then i don't think he outright hated any of them growing up. sure, they were annoying and loud and sometimes sticky, but they were still his siblings. those feelings of resentment obviously grew stronger the sicker he became, but like, he never hurt anyone until he realized he was being lied to.

so i view the initial murders as a mental break, and i doubt he was in full control of himself at the time. if it was planned out, why didn't he drain someone's magic? killing them the human way is yes, a lot more personal, but it just doesn't make sense to me given his drive for magic based power. you'd think he'd want to go into the merge charged up, you know?

speaking of the og merge: did they expect him to just ... not ask about it and be cool with getting told no? like the fact that no one foresaw him lashing out so violently only proves to me that he wasn't *that* scary growing up. joshua probably had the ascendent prepped and ready to go, and he was just waiting for an outburst bad enough to use it. shame it took that, my guy. i feel we could have handled this whole thing a bit better.

i think kai was probably obsessively dedicated to his magical training leading up to 1994. i take "been practicing my whole life" very seriously, lol. he wanted to prove that he could do it, and prove the coven wrong for doubting him. i imagine him hoarding objects to drain and being super freaking annoyed that even Jo stops letting him borrow what he needs to just do basic work. we find out later that Valerie wore a necklace she could siphon from when she needed magic, and you're telling me no one thought of that in modern day?? enchant the beeper, for gods sake.

despite all that, he ended up being the strongest witch in TVD next to bonnie, and that was with him being mostly self taught. he's stupid good at voiceless magic, which i've always taken to mean he's a very instinctual wielder. he doesn't need the verbal spells, he's strong enough to just will the magic into listening.

"i had a soft spot for one of my sisters" and the repeated use of "sissy" for jo, make me wish we knew more about them as kids and how she let herself be turned against him. they have so much in common and such an obvious twin connection that lasts until the very last moment when he stabs himself and chooses to bleed out right beside her on the floor of the ruined church. Jo (and Bonnie) are the only people that seems to be able to get through to pre-merge kai. then post-merge kai is laser focused on making things up to them. i wish we saw more of him realizing he suddenly had a full range of emotion and what that did to him.

that sweet spot of post merge/pre 1903 prison world is the closest we come to kai's actual personality (imo). he's so shockingly, desperately earnest, while still being darkly funny and a little too aggressive. it's my favorite version of him.

those scenes show us the side of him that so obviously wants to be needed, even if it means hurting himself to be helpful. yes, luke is the reason why the emotions manifest, but luke is also not down for self sacrificing (ironic as hell, given his choice to merge). luke routinely tells the mfg to get fucked, so to say that he's the one making kai risk his life/the coven to help bonnie is just untrue. i think kai is trying to earn a spot in the group, and if they'd given him one, he would have been insanely useful.

like i said i think he masks 90% of the time, and the confidence that he shows is often hiding a huge insecurity over feeling like he's not good/strong/smart enough. there is always going to be a part of him that is still that scared little broken witch locked alone in his room, begging to be let out. i don't know how to view him as "hot bad boy who f*cks" because that's just not how i've ever seen him. don't get me wrong, i love those fics as much as anyone, but it's just not true Kai to me.

look i know some of you are like, hey op go back to when you said you agree with his choices, so here we go:

we know that the parker kids grew up being taught "coven over family", but what does that even look like inside the house? do they love each other but feel conflicted about it? is there constant fighting over who is closest to their parents? is it just anarchy? no matter what you think, it's clear they're all deeply traumatized.

kai has every right to be angry over the og merge, and lashing out makes complete sense. say it with me: murder is not okay BUT what better way to show joshua he's not messing around? if he's used to acting out for attention, what happens if he breaks something that can't be put back together this time? if they've been raised to think that family doesn't matter, why would any of them even care?

it's horrible, flawed logic, but it's there.

look me in the eyes and explain to me why it's okay when Daddy tries to kill you, but when it's your brother suddenly it's this big unforgivable crime, Jo. i'll wait.

Liv makes some of the most realistic decisions in the show to me, including the fact that she sides with Kai. unlike luke, she points out how they have every right to be mad at Jo. after sending Kai away, she abandoned them to an abusive father, (not to mention moved across the country with a new name to make it harder to ever find her!!) leaving them stuck fulfilling a merge that wasn't theirs to begin with. good for you for trying to get your brother on the throne livvie-poo 👏🏼 let him make the hard choices so you can run off with tyler and live in the woods 👏🏼

the parker's also make a lot of comments about how if kai is let out, he'll go full homicidal maniac and kill everyone just for fun. and yet, every murder we see him commit is a means to an end. again, in case you missed it the first time: murder is not okay BUT they act like he's some random spree killer when he's just ?? not ??

every murder/crime he commits has a clear reason, even if a lot of them are small/petty.

the taxi driver: he couldn't pay the fee

the random college kids: he needed to get into the hospital to see Jo

the grill manager: he was hungry, the guy was in his way, and elena was unconscious over his shoulder, lol

the coven murders/stabbing Jo: he needs to hold onto power, and they've given up on him yet again. at this point, let's just burn the whole thing and start over !!

there are so many characters in TVD that actually kill without reason, feeling, or second thought. (including enzo, bon-bon, so jot that down). while i'm not diminishing how violent kai can be, i certainly don't lump him in with characters like klaus or damon.

this is a slightly unpopular opinion especially amongst people that don't ship Bonkai, but i view everything done in the prison world as mutual retaliation. bonnie and kai are fighting. i'm not excusing his behavior anymore than i'm excusing hers, but she quite literally killed him not once but twice.

once they're both out she feels endless hatred towards him as a coping mechanism to give herself something to focus on so she doesn't break, and i wish !! so badly that it was used as a way to bond them. like who better to help her navigate violent magical outbursts then mr "killed half my family in a fit of jealous rage" himself?

we could have seen them grow together, navigating standing up for themselves in healthy ways and encouraging each others strengths, but no.

ill die on the hill that if bonnie knew what kai did on her birthday we wouldn't even be having this conversation, anon. I don't think he expected anyone to actually 100% forgive him, because at the end of the day he also knows he's made some huge mistakes/poor choices. but if specifically Jo or Bonnie had said something like "i see that you are trying" i think it would have been enough for him to stay on that path.

i don't think kai likes being the bad guy, its just another means to an end. if he can't get what he wants (or what he feels he deserves) by asking, he'll take it. and yes, showing off and being scary does give him some sort of thrill - but it's also the only way he can get them to look at him.

listen you don't even understand the things i would give to see him realize the heretics were once siphons. to realize they were geminis and that it's basically a coven gene !! to finally know he's not the only witch to be born like this !!

imagine getting to hear lily tell him there's nothing wrong with him ?? that she's sorry his parents kept the truth from him ?? that he didn't deserve the childhood he had but she's happy to help him now ?? i truly don't know if i could handle it.

kai is so completely desperate to be part of a group that it ends up blinding him and making him vulnerable to attack. i guess i just don't know how to see a character like that and not believe in them.

alright, as you can see, anon, im not great at short answers and i clearly think about him too much. it doesn't help that im currently working on a book series with an MC inspired by him 🙈 the brain rot is real and i fear it may never end. hope you enjoyed this ted talk tho!! thanks for being my first ask ✨

[siblingskissing]

Hi 👋👋 it’s anon from before

I understand what ur talking about to a certain level while I don’t agree with the whole thing I am actually really interested how using this as a coping mechanism helps you. Also it’s worth noting that I didn’t come looking for this specific content it just showed up

The main things I am curious about is the part where you talked about the parts that intrigue you and how you don’t think people need trauma to do this type of thing.

Also I was wondering what you think about people who do get off to this sort of thing, mainly because before you said you didn’t I was under the impression that everyone that posts proship stuff does get off on it

Hello! I'd be happy to go a bit further into my thoughts gladly!

So as a coping mechanism: I'm going to use an example for this that is actually pretty well known by some people online, and that's the Bluey Episode: Copycat

So this episode begins with Bluey copying everything her dad does as they go on a morning walk- it's all jokes and playful until Bluey and her dad find a dying bird outside on the lawn.

They drive the animal to the vet and Bluey is asking her dad if the bird will be okay- which her dad tells her 'of course!' before the vet comes to tell them the bird died.

We then follow bluey as she has her mom and sister Reenact the day- from copying her dad, to finding the bird, to being told it died. Her mom offers her the option to keep the bird alive in their game, but she doesn't. She wants the bird to stay dead, and even as her sister (who played the part as the bird) began running off, Bluey let her because her lesson was that "you cant control everything, it's out of your hands now."

We seen Bluey process this traumatic event (because lbr, a six year old experiencing death for the first time will have a bit of trauma from that) by performing it, by using a coping mechanism that is playing with her sister and mom. She recreates the story and at the end- she's able to accept that "This bad thing happened and I'll be okay!"

This is how I use this content.

By using fictional characters and fictional stories- I can recreate my story. I can delve into what happened, why it happened, how it happened and I can process it all without triggering myself. Putting myself into not only the head of the fictional 'victim' and the fictional 'Abuser' I can see that not only was my trauma out of my hands, but it also removed that guilt and blame I put on myself.

As for writing this content just for fun- Yes, I do think that's okay. We see writers create worlds of dark content just for the hell of it, mainly in Horror.

Horror as a genre is filled with Dead Dove content. Writers create worlds of characters who go through horrific traumas all for the entertainment (and sometimes pleasure) of the viewers.

Many people lust after these slashers, many people relate to these villains, yet Antis never claim that the people who like them are murderers. Because we understand murder is wrong, and murder is bad in the real world. We don't like them because they murder people, but because of their appearances, their personality, their vibe.

This is the same with all dead dove.

I write incest because there's a certain flavor of angst with it. There's a dynamic of forbidden relationships and complicated storylines that I find intriguing. I don't ship it because it's bad, but because of the whole story.

Now, for people actually do get off on it- it's because it's a forbidden fantasy.

Take those cringey romantic novels people read. Every person will tell you "If this guy/girl/ creature was real I would never get near them!" It's because a fictional fantasy is different from an actual reality.

For instance: I love the movie Black Christmas- I love Billy Lenz and I find his whole thing attractive. I've read THOUSANDS of X readers where he stalks the reader.

Irl? I'd be disgusted. But in a story where I'm not only a.) consenting to the content and b.) can disengage if I do get triggered? Fun, exciting.

Liking dark content doesn't make you bad- its performing dark content with unconsenting participants that makes you bad.

I am glad you are willing to listen and try to understand. Honestly not being into it is common and I do recommend using tag blocks if you don't want to see anything similar. Or using the block buttons! I am thankful that you have been respectful and I love answering these questions because it helps people understand trauma and the different responses so much more.

In the end: writing, reading or even just thinking bad things is never wrong. That idea is a byproduct of not only Christian Purity rulings and ableist ideas made about those with OCD and Intrusive Thoughts.

Your behaviors are your true character.

[jadewing-realms]

okay okay, I've been listening to Coulda Been Me by The Strats and I'm in my feels and thinking too much but like like people talk about how Astarion turns vampire tropes on their heads and he really does but I haven't seen anyone talk about the specific trope of like

How the entire concept of what it means to be human is such a recurring theme with them and usually, there's an unspoken point of how immortality is dehumanizing and how these vampires live for so long, they're just entirely removed from empathy for mortals because why would they stop to consider it any more than a human stops to consider the life of a fly, which is comparatively short

Something something mortality, knowing it will all end one day, is what drives humans to live well and make the most of the time they have

While immortals are usually the contrast of cold, aloof and removed from the passion that makes life worth living because they're not alive, they're dead men walking and will be forever, so alien they shall become

AND YET

Despite everything

Despite all the horrors he's experienced, despite the understandably devastating blow to his morale, the jaded self-defense mechanisms he developed because of course he did, he had to just to survive

Astarion never really... stops thinking like a mortal. Even after two whole centuries of pure shit, as he so eloquently puts it, the MOMENT he gets the opportunity, the chance at freedom, at living again, he friggin leaps for it and dives in head first

He wants to experience everything he possibly can, he's insatiable, he wants nothing more than to just see, think, do, feel All The Things

He maintains such a zest for life, a passion for freedom and experience, that most vampires in media just. Lack. Or only get back through a romantic subplot pff

He claims a romanced Tav helped him want to live again, but honestly, when Tav can say "nah, you did it yourself, I just gave you a nudge when you needed it" its absolutely the truth. He loves and wants life so badly that he overcompensates, is desperate not to lose it, is almost willing to lose his soul for it if not convinced he doesn't have to

And I've never really seen a functionally immortal character represent such a drive to Live before, its such a break from form

From Dracula and Lestat to Tolkien elves, we're used to seeing a sort of malaise, a despondency and passiveness associated with characters doomed to live forever, to the point that they've forgotten so much of what it means to be alive, truly alive, are confused by the "shortsighted" wants and goals of shorter lived companions, yet here's Astarion, undead yet more alive than any of them

Like, he sells himself so short sometimes, but he's positively bursting with life 24/7, he's vivacious and passionate and his energy is infectious and god, I don't know how anyone could genuinely, thoughtlessly choose the dialogue where you accuse him of having given up while suffering under Cazador, this man is so strong and so determined to live, it's probably what made him the scapegoat in the first place

His character arc is just a battle cry of LIVE

LIVE YOUR LIFE

No matter what you've seen, no matter how you've suffered, there is so much worth living for and all you have to do is reach out and seize every opportunity you get

Don't waste a single moment because time is precious and we never know how much we have

[empty-pizza]

thoughts on nona the ninth epilogue and thoughts on the book and series overall

Some of you might not have checked the blog today and will just, come back to this post to find that I decided to read 2/3 of the book today and finish it. It was good but it wasn't just because it was good, I kinda just felt like finishing. I'm kind of exhausted and I'm not sure how much my lack of understanding of what's going down at the end comes down to the book being confusing, and how much is me having no more energy.

anyway

alecto breaking out

oh great we talking all shakespeare like now, this is really making it easy to follow (i am just very sleepy)

which fuckin child is who

okay so harrow is awake now (the fuck was all that going on with the tower then)

alright from alecto's attempt to kiss

i can understand why the lyctors would have called her a monster

okay so the ninth is the line of anastasia

so alecto is swearing herself to harrow

and gideon called her a slut

as it should be, i suppose

damn and she just

went and said hi to john

and stabbed him and he said good morning

man what the FUCK does any of this imply

i do not have the brain power to process any of these layers

like, what the fuck did john plan on, or want to happen

the river is DEAD? the fuck does that mean

what the fuck is any of this shit

give me answers

j;aijdgoiahdhuipfuoifhnoanononho;oi;oi;hasdi

asid;uihadso;fpihaj[POUIAHNDSO['IGH

gadzoinks

DOUIUHGIOWEOG

Anyway yeah I'd say this was the best book in the series so far. I generally enjoyed Nona's character more than the prior two protagonists. I enjoy when childish, whimsical, naive personalities are expressed realistically through prose. I also enjoyed gradually learning more about how Nona thinks and just what she is.

The plot kept its momentum better than the second book, and followed through with a better climax than the first book. I've spoken about what I disliked about those aspects of the earlier books in prior posts. Here, the situation kept changing and developing enough that it didn't get too stale. Even without Nona driving most of the changes, it felt like she had an effect on the things around her.

I'm kind of hoping the next book begins right after we left off. We already did big timeskips twice in a row, and we haven't even answered everything that happened in the last one.

My brain is just muddled in so many questions about magic mechanics, character motivations, character history, et cetera et schmetera, that I don't even know how to put into words yet.

Part of my satisfaction here is that I think the pacing of reveals was really good in this book. It kept piling on more and more the closer it got to the end. But it really just slammed me with a bunch more questions by the ends. Reveals that raise more questions are great, and this is the right time for them considering it's the penultimate book in the series, but jeez, I am just brain strained right now. My brain has gone through one of those machines where you turn the crank and the dough goes through and comes out as spaghetti shaped. Except like, in reverse, because my brain is smoother now.

I think this has been an overall strong series, but it's somewhat unique in that the lore was the main thing I cared about. Or at least, I cared about it disproportionately to how much I usually do. That's not to say that there wasn't great character work here; I totally understand those who primarily love this series for the characters. I think I posted plenty about how interesting many of them are; hopefully that speaks for itself.

In general, it does tend to focus more on static characters. Not every character is like this, but a lot of them don't really change much (not during books), but instead only get tested at key moments to demonstrate their beliefs and conviction. Which is a totally fine approach, when the characters are interesting people, and you can instead drive things a bit more via learning more about them. When changes do occur, it's often offscreen entirely — just look at Corona and Gideon this book.

It kind of comes down to what drives you to read the next chapter. I almost always wanted to read more to learn about the lore. I often, but not always, was curious about where the plot would go next, how predicaments would be solved. And I was interested in how characters would grow or change... less than average, I'd say.

Though, the line between lore and learning more about who characters are was often blurred. I'm just not sure how much it will appeal to me personally once I already know everything about them. Maybe it'll work great on reread someday, maybe it won't.

I think I'd call this one a strong 8/10. Definitely gonna develop my thoughts on this more in the coming days but I really need to get to sleep soon.

I kind of wonder in what ways these stories will stick with me, when my experience was so lore driven. I feel like my opinion on book 2 has gone down slightly since I finished it, as the high of the reveals wore off and I felt kind of dissatisfied a few other aspects. I definitely liked the plot/characters in this book more, but I still just need to see how I settle on feeling about it all in retrospect. I mean the thing is, when you're that driven by lore, I prefer when it sticks the landing. If I don't personally like the answers in the final book I might lose a little love for the series as a whole.

Edit: To clarify this point a little, it's really that there's two kinds of reveals. There's the ones that are actual reveals, which tended to be really interesting. And there's the ones that mostly engaged me on the basis of "this tiny detail could be implying really insane things later." Some of which paid off, some of which still haven't. It's a fun feeling to engage with while reading, but for me it relies not just on the reveals paying off, but me being left with an overall feeling that engaging with the narrative in that way was worthwhile. If the series ends up not really caring about rewarding readers for paying attention that much (which I'm not saying will happen, it's just always a possibility) then that takes away a lot of my enjoyment retroactively.

Of course, it's also possible that if I did a reread, I'd end up appreciating the character work a lot more than the first read, and end up caring about the lore a lot less! This is just what I engaged with on this read and my present experience. I definitely can't say I understand everything about the characters, so there might even be whole layers to how they grow and change that I just didn't pick up on here.

Fun series and I really enjoyed liveblogging it! I hope you don't mind me kind of just, rushing through the final book today. Trust me, that was out of enjoyment primarily (also the library has kind of wanted these back for a while). I appreciate everyone who enjoyed my posts and commented things, and I'll definitely be sticking around and reading more comments as I try to make sense of all the shit I just read. I hope you enjoyed my first-timer thoughts.

[arithecreatorsstuff]

Cruel and Malicious Phraseology

Since the JLA ban on profanity in the workplace took effect, some of us have gotten rather inventive in expressing our less positive sentiments. No guesses for which member of the Old Guard had the most insults hurled at them, but... his initials are HJ. There is no context, only hostility.

"I could put an entire box of alphabet pasta through a spin cycle and come up with a better plan than that. Stop trying to be Batman, one is enough."

"Go stick your head inside a black hole, you posh knobhead!"

"Listen here, you overhyped rodent posterior... rocking up like you're the brightest glow stick in the rave negates the very idea of a stealth mission. Adjust your glow to match your intellect, please."

"You got this, huh? Looks like you handled that masterfully. Tell you what there, Mastermind... let me know if you need help finding your teeth after that glorious victory."

"Plans A, B, AND C all tanked? Over to you, Glowworm, you usually head straight to Plan D for "dumb crap" anyway."

"Quick question, do you even Metal Gear?"

"Oh, what in the unholy name of Ymir's jockstrap did we walk into this time?"

"Do... do the Big Bosses not realize pockets are a thing? Like, where am I supposed to keep my wallet, or anything, really? Is the Marquis de Sade the staff tailor, because wearing this is gonna drive me mad."

"You and I have been friends for a while, but... when you say things like that I kinda want to stab you in the eye with an explosive arrow."

"I get now why you prefer being underwater. Less dumb. Much less screaming. Speaking of... I bet you know some epic dive spots. They'll be at this for hours, we're not needed here. If the Boss asks, you're teaching me marine ecology in the wild."

"Huh. Here I thought Joker held the title for "Most Punchable Face on Earth", yet here's the new heavyweight contender, ready to throw down for the belt."

"Go boil your head in some more of that cheap weak sister beer!"

"Why don't you go hug a claymore mine already?"

"Eat my boots!"

"No, ma'am, I'm not ready for that jelly, I prefer cream cheese on my bagel anyway. You're... not talking about food, are you? Oh, monkey bread."

"Repeat after me: Pants. Are. Not. Optional!"

"I'd rather drown than EVER go clown. I might not have taste, but I have standards."

"Oh, by Artemis' sandals what did you do this time?"

"Yanno, you and a certain dirty old man thunder God have the same issue: too focused on the ladies to do your job. Eyes in the head, you ain't her type. Trust me."

"IN THE NAME OF SIGYN'S GIRDLE WILL YOU STOP SNEAKING UP ON ME LIKE THAT! The Boss can get away with it, as he was trained in silent infiltration and is not a creepy drunken sorry excuse for a washout. Either knock on the door like a normal human, or run the risk of having to sing "I've Got A Lovely Bunch of Coconuts" to even enter the men's locker room."

"You died? I see your brain sure stayed dead."

"It's a RAID, not a rave. Lose the shiny stuff and glow trim, we're trying the Splinter Cell approach. Also... do you really need the three extra ammo belts? They're thugs, not the blooming Xenomorphs."

"I know over 20 languages, yet cannot explain exactly how much I'd like to beat you with a pufferfish."

"But did you die again? No? So... why so grumpy, Mr. Grouchy von Groucherson?"

"How? How do you claim to be a master shot, yet miss the ginormous glaring weak spot every time? Are you a plant from the Court of Owls? Make it make sense."

"Huh. Sniper scope, but still can't see the obvious. Just ask her already! Aphrodite help me, but you're blind if you can't see she likes you."

"Thanks, but I don't associate with the chronically dumb."

"A date? Let me check my calendar. Sorry, looks like I'm going to be washing my hair for the foreseeable future."

"Would you kindly get your head out of the poor man's rear entrance so he can get some work done?"

"Games teach you problem solving in real time, teamwork, the importance of understanding the mechanics in any situation, how to manage difficult individuals, pattern recognition, and much more. Odin's eyepatch, you must be a pretentious little sod to think you can't learn from gaming. Now quit whining and pick your fighter already. You're holding up the match."

[smww4ever]

The Nephilim and Damsel in Distress Tropes

The Nephilim Trope and The Damsel in Distress Trope

This is the driving mechanism behind the Superman/Lois relationship and why it's been in the forefront and psyche of our comic pop culture for so long. You often hear of their 80-year romance and how that itself confirms it's virtue. Understand that yes his creation was based on Moses, a savior to the Hebrews and his creators were Jewish. The humble origins of this character gave hope to the creators, Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster. It is my understanding that the Lois Lane character was inspired by a dominant female person in their lives. Think it was a spouse or a real-life feisty reporter. Either way, Superman has evolved over the decades in the Silver Age, Golden Age, Post-Crisis, Infinite Crisis, New 52, Rebirth comics even in the Snyder films, he mirrors a Christ-like figure in scene motifs of the church and space by sacrificing himself.

Yet his story plays out more as a Nephilim type. It is sold as that in the Rebirth and TV shows where he marries a human woman and has children with her.

As a god from heaven that fell for a human woman and saves her. For some this may sound romantic which is why these types of stories are repeated over and over again. People romanticize something greater than themselves. They are stories that rescue them out of futility. Unfortunately for the story of Nephilims was not a good one. It too originates from Old Testament times where angels who’s job was to be watchmen over humanity decide to leave their posts and have sexual relations with human women. This in turn produces giants or men of reknown like an alien-human hybrid. They weren’t good but evil.

Angelic Heroes and Wings

I explored this concept of angelic heroes in a previous series which is why I decided to put wings on Superman. And Wonder Woman as well. Her wings were different from the golden eagle armor costume. Even tho one rendering made them look like it. The intention was angelic wings. I extended the wings to bring in the Greek myth of Pegasus in a later series. (The AI struggles with it in some cases so I made edits as best as possible).

Let me be clear, I don’t see Superman or Wonder Woman as evil beings. The wings truly represented them as angels that save and help mankind. Which is why when I saw that concept being copied on IG by other AI peeps, they weren’t doing it because of this reason but because it looked cool and would garner them likes and clicks. I found it especially repulsive when they hashtagged their work with “SuperLucifer”. I hope you understand why I was pissed. But IG is rampant with intellectual theft. Heck Mark stole the idea for FB so this spirit carries on. Reddit has numerous horror stories. I've done makeup blogging and photography work, so I have horror stories of my own.

But back to why DC dropped SuperWonder. The Nephilim myth carries weight in popular culture. Kal and Diana almost mirror a “Zeus and Hera” dynamic. In one way, yes they are like gods but you don’t want them as that couple. Zeus was a philanderer.* Which is another aspect to this why you see people say they don't like it because they would be overpowered. Humanity at it's core is selfish and easily threatened. People who say stuff like this, whether consciously or subconsciously see these characters as "golem" meaning they are mythical beings that should serve humankind only. That they should be centered around a single human love interest or they will go off their leash, off the rails and destroy everybody. It's a strange fantasy. Almost like a psycotic desire to be saved and destroyed by the same superhero. We really have issues with ourselves. Frankly I can understand this, the world is so messed up. The Nephilim and Damsel-in-Distress is a bubble that people want to run to. They don't want mature stories. And DC isn't capable of that. They have a formula like a cookie or fried chicken recipe and they don't want to muck it up. In the case of Gunn, they want Marvel's recipe but I don't think the seasonings pair well with the offerings of DC. Time will tell but the whole thing stinks. Trust your nose guys. Some of you are hip to senses like smell. :D

* I also should say that being the SMWW pair are equals, they could be new Zeus and Hera creating their own new pantheon of gods. But there can be so much more to that. They really are made for each other.

Also wanted to add that again DC isn’t as creative as they think they are and are scared of this couple. Easily manipulated by rabid "Nephil-Damsel" fans on X. Every time I look at my feed, it's back and forth war between Snyder and Gunn fans. Knowing that they just do that to farm impressions to get paid makes it all the more vile when you look at it. It would take time to shift the general population over to seeing SuperWonder as a viable couple. It's so ingrained in the movie and comics world that when you see Superman, you automatically think of Lois Lane. Many consider it abhorrent to think of this character with anybody else. So much so that they've lifted Miss Lane up to a level of godhood. This Nephilim trope also applies to Wonderbat. Bruce is a mortal albeit heroic man. Diana is a demigod/goddess. That doesn't work either because I've explored explained that in another post.

Really the only way is Kingdom Come but with who we have at the helm of DC, I wouldn’t be holding my breathe.

I've worked at Cons. I've seen the people who create the comics and the general vibe. Our whole society is shifting into dark areas and comics reflects that. We've gotten The Boys, Brightburn and even the Snyderverse is considered "dark", so it's not surprising that the Gunnverse is promising to lift everyone out of that abymssal void to a form of inspirational, fun heroism. Snyder should have finished his verse, it's just going to. be another gaping hole like SuperWonder is. Marvel and many other cherished properties are experiencing an erosion in interest and fatigue from the general audience.

There would need to be a serious paradigm shift to get people to see SuperWonder. Part of the reason why I did an exploratory in the AI with Diana and Clark which we have never seen in any live-action. And I say see SuperWonder because I was a Superman-Lois fan, I consumed, watched repeatedly all the shows and movies. (Except for Smallville and new show Clois show, couldn’t get into that). I immersed myself into that but felt that something was amiss. I don't even remember when I saw Superman and Wonder Woman together but it clicked and made complete sense. Like scales coming off the eyes. Seriously. I respect differences. My daughter isn't a SuperWonder fan, but she supports me and will wear my art. It would be great to call a truce between the two ships but that might take a while. That takes maturity and right now there isn't much of that going around.

Until next time… ✌️

[domoroks]

I'm sorry to bother you but I have to say I find Dib's treatment in the show/comics flat out uncomfortable a lot of the time. It feels like his whole role is to get treated like shit and fail at everything and it's not funny to me.

Also the opening of the comics pissed me off, it's basically mocking Dib for being fat and gross, I genuinely don't get why people praise it. There's also issue 5. It made me hate Gaz, it seems she never gets called out for her selfish and cruel behavior.

all in all the treatment for dib is ridiculous in my humble opinion. Of course- if you find it funny i’m not going to pull you apart for it, but his treatment does make me sad, mostly because there’s no bigger picture taken out of it for the show, movie or comics. Any younger children that might’ve been able to see the show, movie, or the comics might actually be bummed tf out because of there being no takeaway lesson- which also makes me sad LMAOO.

I see where you’re coming from!! it makes me upset too. The way all the characters are treated makes me so upset like on an emotional level- but that’s unfortunately how their universe works :((. not defending it or anything you know. Nick canceling the show really ruined any progress we would’ve / could’ve seen in the characters- and when they revived the movie and the comics came out you didn’t get to see much character development either- which- for me- a person who love’s character development- FINDS VERYY SAD. The creator states a couple of times though that the characters can’t really change- which upsets tf outa me. (that’s why my hcs are so heavy for Invader Zim actually.) ((it’s like parenting a thing you enjoy it’s genuinely insane.))

Gaz is mostly mean due to the fact her dad is never around- and Dib seems to be just too much for her. Also- the way her ‘mother’ (if they even ever had one) is never brought up. Though the way Gaz acts has always been pointed out ESPECIALLY by parents who viewed the show when it aired- they complained about her hate for her brother. Another instance of issues not getting to be solved with the time and creation of the show / comics- yet again sad. I’d also argue that the fandom played a big part in Jhonen’s dislike for his own creation. If you’ve known Invader Zim for long enough- the fandom is HORRIFYING. not to drag *it* in again but Zadr / humanxirken shippers tanked the fandom because it’s either a super toxic ship or literally p3d0ph1ll1a. (had to censor the word sorry.)

The fandom also has incest. which is disgusting beyond belief. I’ve only been a fan of the show for about 4 years now- but despite me posting my art for it, i don’t talk about it much with strangers because of it. All of the stuff that’s happened in the fandom drive Jhonen to literally end the comics with a groundhog day. I HATE GROUNDHOG DAYS. YOUR DISLIKE IS VERY JUSTIFIED!!

A bit of a tangent here but I have my whole AU with a more found family. Zim realizes his tallest dont care about him, Dib gets respected more, Gaz becomes a bit less harsh and Membrane fixes his fucking parenting issues. I understand Zim’s an old man but bro just joins the Membrane family and becomes a brother to Dib because he can. That’s just my coping mechanism for the show/movie/comics LMAO. like I said though your opinion is justified!! I don’t get to talk about it ever but the way every character’s treated and handled is honestly kinda sucky and maybe I just have high empathy and don’t like seeing others upset but i genuinely want the best for these little imaginary guys. I want them to be ok.

[happyfeetfuryroad]

I also feel the need to put in a small long addendum because, as important and necessary as these how-to-spot-a-cult guides are (and they are!!), I feel like there's a big elephant in the room that rarely if ever gets addressed, and as someone who grew up surrounded by practitioners of a closed practice (no I won't go into details because it's none of your business but trust me when I say I'm more familiar with the nuance between healthy closed practices and Cults™ than the average lay person) I feel like I'm semi qualified to elaborate on it

One big reason why cults are so successful with white people (not exclusively, by any means, but very often) is because of white supremacy, colonialism, and cultural appropriation. All of this correlates with a genuine lack of understanding of other cultures, faiths other than protestant/catholic christianity, and the role that spirituality plays into human nature and human relationships on a more universal level.

Simply told, white supremacy fosters a culture of materialism, positivism (in the "religion is just silly superstition and the scientific method is the only one true means of understanding the world" sense of the word), cultural hegemony, and consumerism. What this means, in practice, is that we (white people) are raised to view other cultures as both inferior to us (because they're not as "civilized" or "rational" as we are), and available for us to consume as we see fit.

But here's the problem. Human beings can't cope without some kind of spiritual fulfillment for long. Whether you find it in a religious practice, or in an occupation that makes you happy, or in being an active part of a community, it doesn't really matter. All human beings have a need for existential fulfillment that goes beyond the physical and the emotional. That's part of why capitalism is so deadly and depression is so widespread within it - it's a triple whammy of physical, emotional, and existential deprivation.

And yet, much like toxic masculinity convinces men that emotions are weakening and emasculating, white supremacy convinces white people that spirituality is stupid and uncivilized. And much like cishet men are pushed to compensate for their emotional immaturity by exploiting their female partners, white people are encouraged to fill this artificial existential void by appropriating "exotic" cultures and commodifying their practices.

This is how tarot reading goes from being part of Romani culture (and a way that those communities made money within societies that excluded them and persecuted them), to being associated, genuinely or mockingly, with white hippies or occultists or witches. This is how yoga was gentrified and appropriated beyond recognition in the West.

This is why the same people who ask me how I could possibly tolerate fasting from dawn to dusk for one month each lunar year, will then turn around and ask me if I want to try this ✨innovative✨ weight loss method that involves not eating for 12 hours straight and is also supposed to give you ✨greater clarity✨ and improve your concentration. All without the slightest hint of self awareness.

And as you can imagine, this kind of appropriation, on top of being directly harmful to colonized cultures, is also really fucking ineffective at filling that void I mentioned before. And that's by design. That void is what fuels cultural colonialism in the first place - if white people were to find peace and fulfillment in a healthy way, they wouldn't have as big a drive to exploit other people's lands and cultures, would they?

And it is this perpetual hunger, on top of the complete lack of education in matters of spirituality and religion, that makes these people so vulnerable to predatory cults.

There's a reason why cult leaders can be so persuasive: not because they have anything true or valuable to say, but because they tap into a weak spot that many people don't even realize is there. It's the same mechanism by which a sexual predator can groom and exploit a person who grew up sheltered and never received proper education in safety and boundaries. You can't defend yourself from spiritual abuse if you don't even have the vocabulary to describe it. Our perception of reality doesn't just affect the way we think of the world - it affects how much control we have over reality itself. If you can't identify a dynamic, you can't control it. And someone with malicious intent, and a greater understanding of this dynamic, has the leverage to prey on people who don't know any better.

So, what is my point here? My point is that anti cult education is incomplete without anti white supremacy / anti colonialism education. I am not qualified to give practical guidance on how to achieve this, but I do urge people who feel this emptiness and this aching lack of spiritual direction to stop chasing after the aesthetics of spirituality, and start trying to understand the history and the purpose of those beliefs and practices. Listen to Indigenous people, Jewish people, Romani people, everyone that this capitalist hellscape tells you to see as an inferior other - read their books, watch their video essays, listen to their podcasts, ask them questions (respectfully) if you get the chance. Support them financially if you have the means. Allow them to change your way of seeing the world. That is what will fill that restless void.

Because sometimes the lessons you need to hear are a lot less glamorous and a lot more banale than what you were imagining, and that's okay. You'll be okay. I promise.

My hypothesis is that in like 10 years gen z is gonna have a big cult boom the way the boomers did in the 70s

[princeofgod-2021]

LIGHT OF LIFE 602

John 1:4

DIVINE ORDER 167: WORKING ORDER 62

Pro 6:6-8 You lazy people, you should watch what the ants do and learn from them. ANTS HAVE NO RULER, NO BOSS, AND NO LEADER. But in the summer, ants gather all of their food and save it. So when winter comes, there is plenty to eat. ERV

MAN MUST WORK 13: UNDERSTANDING JOB POSITIONING 6

So, we have discussed the Servant, who must jettison Pride and locate himself where his target mandate requires his gifts. Now, we need to look at another point.

4. Facing The Risks

Some zones where we’re located, whether in Spiritual Ministries or Professional fields, are fraught with dangers untold. Yet our intuition compels us to remain there and work still.

Rev 2:13 I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE—where Satan sits enthroned, YET YOU STILL CLING FAITHFULLY TO THE POWER OF MY NAME. YOU DID NOT DENY YOUR FAITH in me even in the days of my faithful martyr Antipas, who was executed in your city, WHERE SATAN LIVES. TPT

Imagine Jesus, encouraging those who face risks of wicked death at the hands of satan himself, yet, apart from the inspiring perception that they’re not, in the least, moved by the risks, they’re not even meant to leave, why?

Because despite all that evil, God has many souls that need saving and if the only way they could be saved is dangerous, so be it!

Act 18:9-11 One night, Paul had a vision, and in it the Lord said, "Don't be afraid to keep on preaching. Don't stop! I am with you, and you won't be harmed. MANY PEOPLE IN THIS CITY BELONG TO ME." PAUL STAYED ON IN CORINTH FOR A YEAR AND A HALF, teaching God's message to the people. CEV

Many times, people say: “take care of yourself, because if you die and leave the work, someone else will continue ”.

That’s true, but you can’t overlook the woes of lost souls just to save your own neck, which is already saved anyways.

However, to boldly withstand all odds and face dangers headlong, you need to have an incentive or motive driving you from within.

What could make people like Paul fearless and totally unafraid of death?

1Co 15:30-32 And as for us—WHY WOULD WE RUN THE RISK OF DANGER EVERY HOUR? My friends, I FACE DEATH EVERY DAY! The pride I have in you, in our life in union with Christ Jesus our Lord, makes me declare this. If I have, as it were, FOUGHT "WILD BEASTS" HERE IN EPHESUS simply from human motives, what have I gained? BUT IF THE DEAD ARE NOT RAISED TO LIFE, THEN, as the saying goes, "Let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we will die." GNB

The confidence any believer should have to face death in the course of his assignment at any time, lies in his understanding and belief in the resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ. He knows that even if he dies in service, he will arise on the last day.

Joh 6:39 Now this is the will of the one who sent me – THAT I SHOULD NOT LOSE ONE PERSON OF EVERY ONE HE HAS GIVEN ME, BUT RAISE THEM ALL UP AT THE LAST DAY. NET

As a Mechanical Engineer, who has now delved into Electrical Services, I am an irony to my mother - now late - who begged me not to do anything Electrical as she has seen too many deaths related to the field.

There is no field without its attendant “red zones”. Either for a Minister of the Gospel, a Professional or businessman, death threats are everywhere.

Act 20:22-24 "I am determined to go to Jerusalem now. I DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO ME THERE. However, THE HOLY SPIRIT WARNS ME IN EVERY CITY THAT IMPRISONMENT AND SUFFERING ARE WAITING FOR ME. BUT I DON'T PLACE ANY VALUE ON MY OWN LIFE. I WANT TO FINISH THE RACE I'M RUNNING. I want to carry out the mission I received from the Lord Jesus-the mission of testifying to the Good News of God's kindness. GW

Meanwhile, we are not meant to foolishly engage death just because we are unafraid. We are rather instructed to apply some spiritual cunning and caution in handling our affairs.

Mat 10:16-17 See, I SEND YOU OUT AS SHEEP AMONG WOLVES. BE THEN AS WISE AS SNAKES, AND AS GENTLE AS DOVES. BUT BE ON THE WATCH AGAINST MEN: for they will give you up to the Sanhedrins, and in their Synagogues they will give you blows; BBE

There are times when you have to keep silent or hide away from harm. In a professional field where you are hated, you may need to apply wisdom in dealing with people.

Amo 5:12-13 For I know your many transgressions and your many sins. They afflict the just, they take a bribe, and they turn aside the poor in the gate. SO THE UNDERSTANDING ONES SHALL KEEP SILENT IN THAT TIME; FOR IT IS AN EVIL TIME. MKJV

Ultimately, you have to seek God for direction and management of your movements.

Isa 30:21 Whether you turn to the right or to the left, you will hear a voice saying, "This is the road! Now follow it." CEV

May God keep you in His everlasting Arms and safe against all oppositions, IN JESUS NAME.

See you on Wednesday, as we proceed with this interesting Subtopic.

Brother Prince

Monday, December 16, 2024

+234-8055125517; +234-8023904307

[missys-mansion-of-mistakes]

Visiting my parents today to get my car looked at. We replaced the TCM (Transmission Control Module) on the car a few weeks ago and it's been working fine, but I turn into a sort of worrywort when it comes to my car. Probably because learning how to do maintenance on it isn't accessible. Computers? Dust it out and you're fine 90% of the time, if not then learn up on basic hardware and start using process of elimination with installing new parts selectively and carefully via youtube videos. "If it does this, then probably replace that." Cars? Basically that, but instead of

being internet-less you're entirely stuck at home during the duration of the fix. Which sucks, big time. There's no playing around with trying to understand cars unless you have a junk fixup car, a free driveway or yard, and a knowledgeable father-esque figure to teach you. Or you're signed up for an auto class at a university.

And my father in particular isn't prone to teaching. He gets tired fast. Just wants the job done. Throughout my life he has never seen X problem as an opportunity to teach me Y solution. And so... I never learned. Just learned that, Hey, I should ask my dad!

That's why I'm visiting my parent's instead of going to a mechanic. Or just fixing it myself. I'd love to be the sort of butch, capable woman who hears a car making a noise and goes, "Ah yeah that's the oil recirculator" or whatever, but I'm not. Yet. Maybe I'll take an auto repair class for fun.

---

The drive up here was nice, but smoky. Wildfire season appears to have kicked in rather late. Not that I'm complaining. As soon as I entered the edge of town pretty much, I could smell it. Hopefully when I go back home later tonight or tomorrow it won't follow me there.

---

My parent's chickens are HUGE now! I last saw them a month ago for my birthday and they were about the length of my hand and width of my fist. Now they're like, chicken-shaped instead of chick-shaped. So cute.

---

I try to use my time up at my parent's to relax. I don't use the couch at my apartment-- that's my roommate's territory-- but I commandeer the loveseat while I'm here. Watch MST3K on the big, big screen because I'm too out-of-touch to know what movies or shows are good these days. I watched Damsel on a whim the other time I was here, that was good. Maybe I'll try to keep up on my daily tasks, maybe I won't... write a little, try to find new Slowly friends, read. Life is just slower up here. I grew up hating this town, but as I grow older and as I get mentally further away from it, the more it feels like the Stardew Valley town. Just a whimsical place I would love to settle down in when I'm old. Own a ranchhouse here. Etc.

Sending good vibes your way.

What little adventures are going on in your life?

[Photos: Evie the cat climbing on me for pets, unidentified flower in my mom's pot, my dad dual petting Pepper and Poppy the chickens, and Butter checking out my holey shoes]

[nataliaphantomhivesblog]

The truth is in the eye of the beholder.

Alright, so I totally understand why Kokichi is hated by other characters in the game because of the amount of messed up things he said and did... But honestly the fact that no one gave a shit about his death will always be so aggrivating to me.

Not even when Kokichi died did the characters ever put the slightest efforts to think about his feelings. The only character who genuienly considers Kokichi's feelings and last words was Keebo—a literal robot. It's sort of ironic considering how Kokichi constantly dehuminized Keebo and yet Keebo was the only one who believed in Kokichi's last words.

The fact that Kaito—the actual person who watched Kokichi's last moments had the fucking guts to say his breakdown right before dying was a lie? I'm sorry but even a kindergardener can come to understand that Kokichi wouldn’t have lied while in the brink of death and in pain.

If Kokichi was lying about his last words then why on earth would he sacrifice himself instead of letting Kaito die instead? If Kokichi drank the antidote and let Kaito die then Maki would be considered the culprit and Kokichi could easily kill two birds with one stone considering the fact that Maki literally wanted to murder Kokichi many times throughout the game.

Kokichi was overwhelmed by the guilt of both Miu and Gonta's death to the point it drives him to his own death in ch5. He was becoming desperate and had a very obvious deep hatred for the killing game. So sure, Kaito could assume he was desperate enough to lie about his last words to get Kaito to help him end the killing game, but I really doubt thats the case.

Kaito went through Kokichi's plan as a bergrudging "thank you" for y'know... saving him which would in terms help save Maki from getting executed (not to mention, these two characters are very very VERY open about their hate and distaste for Kokichi). But Kaito never considered Kokichi's feelings or the actual sacrifice he made for the group as a whole.

And I find all of this hypocritical from Kaito's end since he also lied to himself and to others by saying that he was okay when in reality he was dying bc of an illness, just like Kokichi who lied to himself and others telling them that the killing game was fun as a coping mechanism and to survive. So I think it would've been much more touching to see these two characters who foil each other come at a genuine understanding of each other too.

I understand that Kokichi is considered the antagonist of the game and therefore has to be antagonized (sometimes unfairly) by the other characters but I feel like the game went too far with downright making the group disrespect Kokichi after he put his life on the line for them.

Then again, V3 has a knack of making characters be indiferent about a handfull of character deaths (Miu, Kokichi, Ryoma, Keebo, Rantaro, Angie, Korekiyo) while overglorifying and heavily highlighting the deaths of other characters. (Kaede, Kaito, Gonta, Tenko, Kirumi).

Also if we consider the fact that when Kokichi gets the consequences of every breath he takes throughout the game, its extremely frustrating that other characters get special treatment and not face or accept the consequences of what they did... aggresively stares at Maki.

Now don't get me wrong, I love my girl Maki but we all have to be honest here. She is never held accountable for her flaws. NEVER.

Over the course of the game she says and does a bunch of inexcusable things and is never once called out on for her behavior. In Chapter 5 Maki is never once called out for trying to get everyone killed for a selfish reason.

Soooo, let me get this straight: Maki gets easily excused and brushed off for trying to get everyone killed yet Kokichi didn't get the luxury to atleast be genuienly acknowledged and respected by the group after his death and downright saving Maki's life and sacrificing himself for everyone.

Maki also literally went against the groups wishes and literally attempted to kill Kokichi so it would only be a natural reaction for Shuichi to be annoyed at Maki for not only going against the group’s promise to try and harm Kokichi but to also try and get everyone killed for a mistake she made right? Sadly...thats not the case. Shuichi instead begins to praise Maki and forgives her endlessly.

To be honest, Kokichi was very mistreated as a danganronpa antagonist. If we compare all of this to Nagito (the sdr2 antag) and how Nagito's death was vital for Hajime's progression throughout the game and was able to understand Nagitos intentions completely, enough for even Monokuma to point it out. And lets not forget the fact that Hajime completley drops the misconception of Nagito's malice after ch6 and comes to an even greater understanding of Nagito.

It would have been great if Shuichi would've dropped his misconception of Kokichi and coming to understand him when he learned about Kokichi's organization, but when Shuichi finds out that y'know...Kokichi actually cares about people and was heavily against killing he just goes "oh so he wasn't a remenant of despair!?"

But when it came to Kokichi's death, there was never a moment were Shuichi truly acknowledges his understanding of Kokichi and just calls him "the embodiment of a lie". Which could be considered true since Kokichi's character is a representation of truth vs lies but as a viewer I felt very unsatisfied because Shuichi just pointed out something that we all know instead of diving deeper and considering Kokichi's last words, intentions and sacrifice.

Now, was Kokichi's death usefull for the progression of the game? Yes. Was the information Kokichi left after he died vital to pinpoint who the mastermind is? Yes. Did Kokichi's death motivate them to find the mastermind? No, but Kaito's death did.

I genuienly believe that Kokichi atleast deserved people to actually take in in his last words and intentions instead of just brushing him off as someone who "isn't the type to shed real tears." Sadly, many V3 characters were treated poorly and I think one of the biggest flaws in V3 was the casts indiference over certain characters death, most of them made jokes out of them or reacted aphatetically and I find that unjust considering the fact that some characters actually had the luxury to have their deaths to be considered relevant and acknowledged by the rest of the cast.

[sassypotatoe1]

No but actually let's talk about it. Media consumption has become stressful over the last 7ish years for me, and at first I didn't realize why, but less than a year after I started noticing this shift in how stories are told I realized exactly what was happening.

It's, imo, a combination of a few things, and it's failing because of a combination of a few things. At the beginning of this shift in storytelling we were seeing a lot of poor endings for shock value. Beloved characters dying completely avoidable deaths, beloved worlds coming to completely avoidable ends, and then of course the rise in streaming services canceling shows before the third season so they don't have to pay residuals.

It started to morph into a "let's see how to get them talking" thing where endings were left open, plot details and world building left unexplained, storytelling became circular, all to make the audience speculate and rewatch to drive up views by using word of mouth engagement on social media. For a short while with a few movies it was hugely successful, but then everyone started doing it and they started doing it badly.

I like thrillers, adventure, fantasy, horrors. These genres ime showed the most cases of this happening. We'd have a horror movie with no context or explanation for the horror. No big reveal of where it came from, how to defeat it, what it is. It's effective in the horror genre because it leaves you anxious. You don't know what the horror was, where it came from, how to defeat it, how are you supposed to recognize and combat it if you encounter it irl?

In thrillers and fantasy it's much less effective. Thrillers are about catharsis. You have heightened anxiety for most of the film or series, then there's a climactic conflict, a satisfying resolution and a release of endorphins because everything is fixed and makes sense again. Removing that catharsis from your thriller, or never reaching it because your show got canceled, leaves audiences seeking catharsis anxious. The hero is supposed to save the day but the day hasn't been saved yet and the story is finished. What now?

In fantasy the world building and explanations for things, either implicit or explicit, is integral to the enjoyment of the media. If you read Narnia you'll get entire passages of world building explaining how Narnia was created, how humans came to Narnia, how the Narnian throne came to be a human birthright, how Charn was ended, how the worlds work. It's detailed, and what isn't explicitly explained is very strongly implicitly contextualized.

Modern fantasy doesn't contextualize the world for you. It's almost as if creators don't want to spoon feed it to us as the audience, but what they fail to realize is if you're doing world building unrecognizable to society at large you have to contextualize it. Otherwise we work overtime trying to figure out the mechanics of this world and miss the story.

What's especially interesting to me, however, is we've seen this before. After the world wars there was a shift in theater and film towards a movement called absurdism. You saw similar shifts in art movements too, Dadaism and surrealism for example. What made it an effective method of storytelling then, however, isn't that it left the audience talking and wondering and trying to understand the context. The context was served to them on a silver platter: The world didn't make sense anymore, so why should media?

Now, this neo-absurdism, which is in reaction to the political shifts in society, police brutality, war, economic issues, food insecurity, homelessness, illness, is being depicted not by the people experiencing this absurdity, but the people above them rich enough and privileged enough to never have to worry about these things. It's falling short because it's not depicting the struggle of sense making in today's society from the perspective of society. It's depicting a sanitized outside perspective, and it's being made for profit, not as entertainment or social commentary. Those are just secondary aspects.

The intention isn't to comment on the sociopolitical state, it isn't to go "hey we know things are scary and don't make sense, here's some media empathizing with that". It's to drive views and make money, and they've for some reason latched on to zero resolutions and shock plot twists to do so.

What also makes this neo-absurdism ineffective, however, is that society doesn't need the same thing it did then. Then society needed someone to go "I know nothing makes sense anymore, let's laugh about it together" because everyone was tired, but the system was still set up in such a way that they could have hope to fix things. They just ended the second world war and eliminated the nazis.

Now, society is tired and hopeless. The system is set up in such a way that we don't even know where to begin to fix things. We don't need "let's laugh about the absurdity of existence together", we need "here's a commentary on or allegory for this thing we face today, and here's our hope for solving it". We need satisfying resolutions and linear storytelling and strong contextualization because where we are right now needs sense making and hope, and we don't have it.

I see posts go by periodically about how modern audiences are impatient or unwilling to trust the creator. And I agree that that's true. What the posts almost never mention, though, is that this didn't happen in a vacuum. Audiences have had their patience and trust beaten out of them by the popular media of the past few decades.

J J Abrams is famous for making stories that raise questions he never figures out how to answer. He's also the guy with some weird story about a present he never opened and how that's better than presents you open--failing to see that there's a difference between choosing not to open a present and being forbidden from opening one.

You've got lengthy media franchises where installments undo character development or satisfying resolutions from previous installments. Worse, there are media franchises with "trilogies" that are weird slap fights between the makers of each installment.

You've got wildly popular TV shows that end so poorly and unsatisfyingly that no one speaks of them again.

On top of that, a lot of the media actively punishes people for engaging thoughtfully with it. Creators panic and change their stories if the audience properly reacts to foreshadowing. Emotional parts of storytelling are trampled by jokes. Shocking the audience has become the go to, rather than providing a solid story.

Of course audiences have gotten cynical and untrusting! Of course they're unwilling to form their own expectations of what's coming! Of course they make the worst assumptions based on what's in front of them! The media they've been consuming has trained them well.

[earlgraytay]

*drops this into your inbox*

[ID: box of Deluxe fair trade earl grey tea with fifty tea bags]

Please elaborate on how Twilight and JoJo have similar strengths and weaknesses. I really want to hear what you have to say about both of them regarding their similarities.

Thank you for the tea!

So... okay. Nota bene that I'm still only on Battle Tendency/Part 2 of JoJo, and that I haven't properly read Twilight in... a while now. But.

The thing that these series have in common, more than anything else, is that they're the product of one person's very specific creative obsessions, baaaaasically unedited.

Since both writers were working in less-than-prestigious markets when they started out (80s manga/early 00s YA), they could write Weird Dumb Shit without anyone stopping them. And then when JJBA and Twilight started printing money, any editing that either might have had went out the window, because clearly this person is doing something right, right?

Araki and Meyer are both very good at worldbuilding, for specific given values thereof; they're both good at coming up with bonkers-but-halfway plausible ideas. They both created a weirdly compelling take on basically-unkillable vampires, and manage to keep tension going despite the vampires being unkillable. In some ways they even managed to create foundational works for their genre- if you want to understand how shonen adventure anime got started you kinda need to watch JoJo, and if you want to understand why YA is Like That you need to read Twilight.

They both struggle with some pretty major parts of writing- Araki, bless him, has yet to create a heroic character with more than two personality traits, and Meyer at the time of writing Twilight could not pace a plot to save her life. And yet- somehow- the stories they created are compelling enough to keep you on the hook for a while.

Twilight and JJBA are, unfortunately, both sexist and racist in ways that say... Things... about their authors.

In JJBA's case, Araki is clearly taking inspiration from 19th century adventure stories and pulp fiction- and using that inspiration completely uncritically. You've got racist stock characters that you wouldn't even see in Western fiction in the 90s, because everyone agreed we don't do that shit anymore. And... look, I am not going to say anything about Araki's sexuality, but... he's clearly uninterested in writing women, yeah? It comes off as really homoerotic, even though it's totally unintentional.

In Twilight's case.... well... look, if I say "Stephanie Meyer is Mormon and was most likely raised that way", I think that covers it. Just about everything that's fucked up about Twilight boils down to "Meyer's Mormonism makes her think things that are Very Much Not Okay are a normal part of the fabric of [hetero] relationships" and "Mormons grow up believing Weird Ass Shit about Native Americans anyway, the weird bullshit in Twilight is respectful by comparison". Both of which are pretty fucking major flaws with the writing!

On a more neutral note: both Meyer and Araki have some very niche interests that turn up everywhere in their writing.

If you know anything about JJBA, you know that random characters and powers are named after 80s music for No Fucking Reason. as early as part 1 you've got characters named Dire and Straits, and in part 2 you've got Cars, Wham, and AC/DC. (oh, scuse me- Kars, Wammu, and Esidesi. COPYRIGHT, WE'RE NOT VIOLATING IT). And of course Roundabout has become an iconic part of JoJo to the point it's a meme just because it's what Araki was listening to while writing...

Similarly, in Twilight, one of the first things you know about any character is the make and model of car they drive. The characters spend a hell of a lot of time having conversations while they're driving around, for no real reason. For heaven's sake, Meyer's favourite character is a mechanic! It's a part of the world that's tonally unfitting with everything else she's trying to build, it's definitely the author's interest peeking through, and it's really endearing.

There's no good TLDR here, it's just an infodump, but ... yeah, the similarities are there, and I'm enjoying the mashup on the merits, if nothing else.

[deathwishdaydream]

Dear Universe, Up Yours!

Chapter 9

We were on the road again, and I was so relieved to pass the Belleville welcome sign from behind.

This time, I fell asleep in the car. And when I woke up, it was 3:07 p.m. It seemed that we were driving out of a gas station, and looking at the dashboard, the fuel tank was full.

Again, we still didn't know where we were going, just as long as it was far from our home.

I still felt extremely insecure about the whole situation, again. I don't know why, it's just that I am used to people leaving me because of the burden I become to them, and I just want to know how Gerard genuinely feels before he may abruptly leave me. I don't know how greatly selfish it sounds, but I know that it is, which makes me mad at myself even more right now. I wouldn't want to be around somebody I just started talking to, who kills another in front of me either, though. But I've owned up to my feelings about loneliness, and I can admit to myself that I don't like it, knowing that there is somebody in the world who won't leave me alone in the worst times.

Though, I feel like there's something incredibly off. I have this bad feeling that we're going to be separated soon, that he's going to leave me, and I won't know what to do once he does. The more I ask him if he's willing to stay with me, the more closure I get. But it somehow also backfires, and makes me feel worse about it? The two opposing feelings just cancel each other out and it becomes neutral at this point until the thought of the things I've done get back in my head.

"Gerard?" I began, playing with my fingernails.

"Hm?"

"I'm sorry. For everything, and I..." I never felt so sure about what I was about to say. "I completely understand if you don't want to stay with me, and if you want to go back home, but... I don't know, you're the only person, yet, I've met that... Makes things make sense in my eyes? I don't know- I don't know how to explain it, you're just... Look, I don't want to hear it later, so are you fine, positively fine, with driving away from home inside a car with me sitting beside you?"

Gerard breathes in and sighs heavily. I just knew he was tired of me asking. Now he's probably pissed at me. "If you're going to keep asking this every day, every morning, night, you're going to receive the same answer," he says firmly. "Yes. I'm okay with it, I'm okay with you. I'm just not okay with watching someone just die, but that doesn't mean I should leave you. You did that to protect me. I enjoy my time with you, and if you don't want me to leave you, I'll be by your side... Alright? We pinky-swore, and as far as I know, that's pretty fuckin' special,"

I chuckled softly at the end of his statement. He was firm, but in the determined way, where he doesn't feel anger at all. "Thanks," I said.

We kept driving for a while until the car became to break down. Oh fuck. Just what we needed.

"Shit!" Gerard exclaimed, firmly turning the wheel to the right, pulling over on the side of the road as the car stopped.

I feel like this was karma's work of art. And the more aware I am of myself killing a man, the less tragic it appears. This observation genuinely scares me.

Gerard and I got out of the car once he put it in park, and came to the front, him opening the hood, and looking at the inside. To a person with no automotive experience at all, it looked as if there was nothing wrong with it.

"Do you know how this shit works?" I asked suddenly.

He turned his head to look at me, then looked back at the engine hopelessly.

"...Nope."

"Then what the fuck do we do?" I retorted, gesturing to the engine.

"We... wait until some, I don't know, mechanic, to pull over and help us out?" he answered.

"Are you sure it's not just a tire problem?" I asked, walking around the car, and looking at the perfect tires.

"Even if it was, I don't have a spare," he muttered.

"You don't have a- Fuck." I sighed. "Well, we're fucked,"

"We should just wait inside the car, and see if anyone pulls over to help," Gerard suggested.

"Yeah, and they're totally not going to be another criminal who I'll have to stab again, using, what, a dipstick?" I complained as we both entered the car.

Sometimes, I wish I could reverse time, just a few seconds, so I won't have to say dumb shit I don't realize I'm saying until I see the person's reaction. Actually, I never felt that kind of regret before. Only when I was with Gerard, actually. This is fucking stupid.

He opened the glovebox, and there were his comics. He grabbed one issue and opened it up as I watched.

"For a nerd, haven't you might've finished that already?" I asked.

"I like re-reading," he says.

"But there's nothing special about the second or third or hundredth time. The first time, it's a new experience. And no matter how many times you read it again, you won't feel the same feeling you felt when you first ever opened one book," I explained. "You can re-read a book, because of how much you love it and how it affected you, but it's not gonna be the same as the first time."

Gerard took his eyes off the book, at looked at me, eyes wide.

"What? Everyone must know that, they just don't mention it," I said, and Gerard nodded, looking back at the panels.

Time has passed, and it had been about 15 minutes. My seat was reclined, and I looked up at the sky from the moon-roof. You can't really see much due to the small window, but I just looked at it anyway.

I tilted my head up to see Gerard taking his eyes off the comic, looking at the rear-view mirror, and mouth open in surprise. I turned my seat back to normal, and opened my window, looking behind us. Shit, a car is parked behind us!

I had a small glimpse of the car's door opening from my angle, and I turned my head to Gerard's side to see a girl, around our age, slightly bend over the window and knock on it. Gerard opened the window.

"You guys good?" she asked. The girl had tan bronze skin, rich umber eyes, and straight, dark brown hair. She wore a black graphic T-shirt with a slightly sooty gray jacket over it and dark blue skinny jeans.

"Um... Nope," Gerard answered.

We both got out of the car and explained to her what happened.

"So the car just randomly broke down, I felt it, so I pulled over and with my foot still on the gas pedal, and the car still on drive, it wouldn't move, so yeah," Gerard said. "We also just filled it up with gas a while ago,"

"Well, I can check for the problem," she says, smiling.

"Really?" I asked, and she nodded. "Shit, thank you, god!" I exclaimed. "Are you some kind of like, technician or mechanic whatever?"

"Well, um, sort of? My mom taught me all about automotive technology, so I think I'll be able to identify your problem and fix it. And good thing I always have my tools with me," she says. "Oh, my name is Jodie, by the way. Jodie Escarra,"

"(Y/n) (Y/l/n)," I said, shaking her hand.

"Gerard Way," And he shook her hand.

"Um, how old are you, by the way?" I asked.

"Oh, I'm sixteen and a half," she replied, smiling. Woah. For 16, she's really fuckin' tall.

"Oh, well, Gerard and I are seventeen," I added.

"Well, nice to meet you guys," she says, grinning.

"You too! Thanks for helping us. We've been in a... well, rough patch, recently," Gerard responded.

"Well, I hope things go well with you two," she beamed. "You can just stay inside while I work on your car so you're not standing there for like, twenty minutes. It won't explode, I promise," she chuckled.

"Alright, well, thanks again," I said happily as Gerard and I went inside the car and she had given a kind thumbs-up. Both of the windows were open so that we could get fresh air as the engine was off thus the air conditioning as well.

I opened up the glove box in front of me. "You seriously only have two comics with you?" I asked Gerard, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, it's not like I'm going to read a hundred while driving," he says, but laughs afterward to make sure the delivery of his response wasn't intended to be rude. I kinda wish I was more like him; make an effort to even appear the slightest bit of kindness.

I hummed in response. After a few seconds, I thought of something to pass the time.

"Do you have, like, a paper and pencil?" I asked.

He looked up from the comic and nodded, eyes on the glovebox. "Yeah, they're in there, here I'll just-" He reached over to open it up and dug through some of the things, and most likely junk, that was inside. His elbow was unintentionally laying on my thigh as he did so, so I tried to move away a bit to stride us from awkwardness. Finally, he found a notebook and a pencil with an eraser top on it.

"Here," he says, handing them to me.

"Thanks," I smiled slightly.

I opened up the notebook to a random page. I started to write a miniature note for myself. It didn't take too long for me to then finish, and when I did, I ripped out the page, folding it until it was a small rectangle, and put it in my pocket. But since I was done with that, I decided to sketch on another page. I drew Kathleen Hanna, random drawings of cartoons and animals, until my brain told me to draw Gerard. It was in my own style of course, but anyone who saw it could tell it was him. I didn't want Gerard to see it, so I folded the paper where it would cover the drawing of him, and closed the notebook when I had nothing left to draw.

"Filho de puta!" I heard Jodie exclaim in frustration and I popped my head out the window.

"You, uh, good?" I asked, turning my head in confusion and concern.

"Yeah, yeah, this merda is just a little damn complicated," she replied, bending downwards to her bag to grab more tools.

I nodded, then positioned my head back inside of the car and tapped the pencil on the notebook cover, waiting.

Moments later, Gerard and I saw the hood of the car slam down, and Jodie smiling in front, going towards Gerard's side of the car.

"Well, I believe it's all good. Try, like, to put it in drive and move your car forward," she instructed, and Gerard did so, the car finally fucking moving. He smiled in surprise.

"W-wow! Thank you so much!" he said, putting the car back in park. "How much do I owe you?"

"Oh, it's my treat," she replied. "Where're you guys headed anyway?"

"Oh, umm," Gerard didn't know what to say, and neither did I.

"We actually... don't know," I said, and she looked puzzled. "We ran away from home."

Jodie realized our situation, minus the murdering part, and nodded. "Alright, well... Boa sorte and be safe! Not too much miles from here, some veteran dude just got killed; stabbed in the head," Fuck. "Cops are lookin' for people in two 'cause that's what the security footage showed. You be careful, alright?"

"Yeah, umm..." Gerard shivered.

"Thank you, and you be safe too," he and I had said at the same time, and she headed back to her car. Gerard closed the window and put the comic in the back, and we then drove away.

Fuck. What if she suspects it's us and calls the cops? She could've easily seen the car's license plate and written it down.

I opened my mouth to say something, but Gerard interrupts, "Don't worry about it. Why would police suspect us, teenagers, out of any other couple of two?" he says, and clears his throat. "So what did you need with the, um, paper?"

"Just drew and wrote, not much of a big deal," I replied.

"Um, mind if we go to, um, a gas station? I am, at the same time, thirsty and, um, need to use the bathroom," he said out of the blue.

"Yeah, no, that's fine," I answered.

"Alright," he nods.

Soon enough, we reached a gas station, and he parked by the store. "Need anything?" he asked.

"Um, no, I'm good," I replied as he nodded and left to go inside the store.

I sighed and thought about the whole thing. If I leave Gerard, nobody would suspect of us killing the guy, nobody would suspect Gerard.

I took out the note from my pocket from before, and unfolded it open, looking at the words I wrote:

"He doesn't deserve this. He didn't do anything wrong. You can keep him safe."

...

[ "The Killing Moon"  by Echo & the Bunnymen playing]

I opened the door and got out of the car. Before I would slam it, I opened the glovebox, and grabbed the notebook, flipping to the page of my drawings, and ripped it out, crumpling it and putting it in my other pocket.

I found a pencil, and ripped a clear page from the notebook, and started to write. When I was done, I folded it and placed it on top of the passenger seat, where I previously sat. I then put the notebook and pencil back into the glovebox and slammed the door closed. After, I walked around the building until I was behind it, and kept walking into the woods through it. It's better off this way. It's better for him. I did say I wanted to be nice. And giving him a lesser chance of being endangered by leaving is the least I could do. And it's not hypocritical if I am doing the leaving.