#and while we both changed a lot since then

[sneepity-snoop-snorpity-sneep]

I would so love to see explorations of these two's dynamic that don't take any easy outs from canon (lmk established canon w/ jttw canon filling in gaps)

like something i keep thinking about is that moment in s5 when mac breaks swk out of the 100-eyed demon's memory spell. like we know by this point in the show that in a lot of ways swk has moved on from mac while mac absolutely has NOT done the same - probly bcuz while to macaque he's only JUST got out of the diyu from which swk sent him to and is pissed about that ON TOP OF being pissed about their fallout post the brotherhood's failed coup and the mountain time-out, for sun wukong its been literal millenia since he killed his once-best friend and while it does seem like he's deliberately isolated himself, he's just had time to get past those events

BUT in the s5 scene he's just gotten mentally yote back into this nasty memory as if he's killing his friend all over again. And when he's pulled out guess who it is!! the same guy who he was just re-living the killing of!! And just around the time post s4 where mac slowly (and i mean SLOWLY) starts oozing into this grumpy acquaintance-of-the-heroes role, when swk has also started slowly reaching out as well. Talk about open old wounds, yeesh.

SWK and mac BOTH have been through the damn ringer in regards to "made some Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Life Choices and there is a proportional reaping to sowing ratio (*or IS there??), but in very different ways with very different results, so the fact that Mac ended up stuck in the past while also deeply and continuously traumatized and haunted said past whereas Wukong actually experienced growth (nvm how the show likes to keep making him commit the sin of Is Bad At Communication On Purpose) kinda makes a lotta sense to me

like both Mac and Wukong got to experience Mythological Chinese Hellish Tortures - SWK's punishment included stuff like being fed hot + molten metals/stones while under the mountain, which are in fact things that happen to souls in the Diyu - it was literally meant to be a sort of 'hell on earth' deal, which also does a lot to explain why he was so pissed at Mac (either for not helping escape OR for somehow leaving him to be captured, its a lil unclear) when he was down there. BUT!! the biggest difference between SWK's hellish mountain prison time and Mac actually going to Diyu is that SWK was let out on parole, and forced into doing a quest that induced character growth

bit of a tangent! this kinda parallels my thoughts on prison systems and corporeal punishment, and that just punishing wrongdoing and calling it good doesn't actually do anything productive. Like I'm american: all the prison and justice system things i know of are NOT designed to facilitate growth or better behavior or redemption. So this could be some projection but i believe it may still be relevant! anyways

Now granted, souls aren't supposed to stay in Diyu. You're basically supposed to be tortured until your karma from your life and choices re-balances itself (I think - anyone more knowledgeable than me reading this??), and then you get reincarnated. But Macaque never got to the reincarnation stage, LBD interrupted the process. It's not super clear whether she freed Mac after he agreed to her deal, or if she just Yoinked the emo monkey back to life and then said "you owe me now sucka", but either way - Mac has effectively been experience nothing but being tortured, which is NOT the kind of thing that actually makes a person change. Proof? look at Wukong in the early quest chapters of JTTW.

Bro keeps getting kicked out of the posse due to old habits re: violence as problem solving - the 5 phases mountain didn't actually make him want improve or self-reflect, both in lmk and jttw, the promise of freedom and a new life is what got that started for him. Also, its unclear how long Macaque was in the Underworld, which is where I got back to my asterisked thingy from up in the previous paragraphs somewhere (lol this is getting long )

*so I tried looking up how long a stint in the Diyu takes, and it really wasn't clear. I learned that there's a 3-year waiting period before a soul gets judged by the 10 kings, and that souls will be punished until they're deemed fit for redemption, but no estimates or anything on how long specific sins/crimes/wrongdoings tend to take to be rebalanced....but it does seem weird to me that if Macaque was resurrected within a century or so to LMK's beginning that he was still down there, because the pilgrim's journey took place in the Tang dynasty, which was over 1300 years ago.

If we're taking Wukong's prison time as a measuring stick, then Macaque has had a MUCH longer sentence. Was this because he rebelled against Heaven too, actually escaped, AND also tried to sabotage the scripture quest? Unclear!! But given how much all the celestial characters seem to hold SWK's pre-journey past against him in lmk despite this being post-redemption for the Monkey King, and themes in both lmk and the novel about heavenly characters being this sort of inefficient bureaucracy, it wouldn't surprise me if the point of Mac's much longer punishment was deliberate miscarriage of Diyu protocol to either keep the two monkeys separate OR to just keep the number of celestial primates running around no higher than one (1).

although granted, the understanding of the underworld's punishments at the time of the Tang dynasty were preeeeetty heavy-handed and not really just punishments from a modern perspective, so I could be completely off-base with my speculation if a long-ass stay in hell was just the standard for reincarnation in the case of serious sins and there was no ulterior reason why Macaque might've spent the last 1300+ years in Diyu

wrenching back around to my original point, experiencing nothing but THAT won't improve a person, which is presumably why one is supposed to be reincarnated afterwards, not just brought back to life by necromancers. Like I agree with some takes I've seen that Macaque is this villainous, conniving, obsessive schemer, but to me that's a feature, not a bug - it makes sense for this character to be the way he is, and now we get to watch him actually get a growth arc! Which honestly, has gotten off to a pretty good start in some ways.

Like, despite Mac's seeming constant state of low self-esteem coped with by attempts to bring everybody else down to a similar level of angst and thus his aversion to being actually sincere if he can avoid it - he really does seem to wind up caring about MK. Like for a while, even when he can recognize that MK is a 'good kid', he still mostly sees him as an extension of SWK, 'just a bit too much like him'. That perception gets sucker punched out of the way after the Samadhi fire and s3 finale, when MK does for his best friend what, to Mac, Wukong wasn't willing to do, and stays with her. And in s4, although he is still very much still relying on being this ominous, mildly antagonistic guy to the heroes, he's actually trying to genuinely communicate something that matters to him to MK, bcuz MK also matters to him now! ...He just sucks at it xD

s4 finale, he's right there with the rest of the squad trying to get wukong out and sort of being a member of the team (altho he is very much still holding the past against wukong specifically, like he hasn't grown THAT much), and this continues in s5, with him actually going more and more out of his way in this season, and once again deliberately being sincere and open with MK for the kid's benefit. not to mention the almost-hand-holding with Wukong at the end.

and on wukong's end, he seems to be getting slowly dragged out of his isolationist, self-sufficiency keep-your-secrets-close-to-your-chest mindset just by virtue of the fact that he now has folks he cares for a LOT, running around doing plot stuff and he's gotta be *with them* to help and protect them - something which is getting REAL good since it now also includes Macaque, with the LBD arc done with and Mac no longer being an active threat to the good guys. Like he's clearly NOT over whatever went down between them and still salty as the Dead Sea, but once he can feasibly do so, Wukong really seems to start trying mend bridges with his old sworn brothers - remember how DBK showed up to their beach cookout with a matching hawaiian shirt and fishing pole? And how in the s2 special, Wukong goes like "I missed that guy"? He's not at odds with his old friends because he dislikes them and doesn't want them around

Both monkeys want to be able to care about the people they used to be free to care about with no baggage or drama. The whole deal with the two of them in canon seems to be they're molasses-in-winter-ing their way towards being ready to Talk About It because they both still care (in different ways) but just really stink at facing the other monkey specifically, and I can't WAIT to see where they go with this next

What are your thoughts on shadowpeach?

Fandom wise? I do not care for it.

Canon wise? I believe in men committing crimes while forming the most toxic, unhealthy attachments to one person could lead to such a dysfunctional relationship that it, eventually, turns into a functional one. And also they’re trans and aspec.

Disclaimer: this is all my opinion and people can do whatever they want, i simply have my gripes with some of the fandom stuff. this is just me explaining what i like and dislike about shadowpeach.

I think the most common thing people fall into when it comes to ships—or shipping in general—is how to domesticate these two characters without fully addressing their flaws, personalities, behavior, and their overall choices throughout the original media/show they come from. 

Macaque and SWK both suffer equally through this mischaracterization: Macaque is often painted as this shy or “edgy” character with little to no ties to his actual character in canon and, more often than not, he is perceived as this “dad” type of character when, in fact, he should not be allowed near children for I fear he will bully them nonstop until they sit there in the corner feeling disheartened and miserable about themselves; Sun Wukong is often portrayed as this dumb himbo with little-to-no means of understanding social cues, not understanding emotions in a way that’s very frustrating, and be this yearning, pining idiot who’s still longing for his childhood crush when he did not hesitate to punch this guy in the face multiple times throughout the show. So when they are paired up together it’s this weird mash of people believing Macaque is the better dad with more understanding of human behavior and Wukong is his dumb, doting husband who’s doing his best and cannot stand up for himself when confronted about things.

The amount of times people choose to make Macaque sympathetic by having Sun Wukong’s family side with Macaque when it comes to Wukong’s actions/choices is so vast I could not count them all on one hand. The common trope of having Princess Iron Fan (Sun Wukong’s sister-in-law) become Macaque’s sworn sister is so disheartening to see for someone who read through Journey To The West and thought of how silly the overall family dynamic of the Demon Bull Family and Sun Wukong’s troops was. Removing Iron Fan as Sun Wukong’s literal sister just to have someone backup Macaque and sympathize with him is funny and a bit silly. 

That being said… the canon version of Shadowpeach and its possibilities are, in fact, very delicious.

Canon wise this is what we know about Sun Wukong and Macaque’s history together: 

Sun Wukong and Macaque meet

The brotherhood is formed after Azure meets Sun Wukong, Macaque tags along with Wukong (note: Macaque is not addressed as “brother” by the characters, only Wukong is)

Macaque tries to warn Wukong about how dealing with Heaven might be a bad idea

They share a peach under a tree; Wukong reassures Macaque this plan will work

Wukong carries on with Azure’s plan anyway (yes, azure lion’s plan, not wukong’s)

The brotherhood is defeated and Wukong gets trapped under a mountain

Presumably no one comes to visit Wukong, only Macaque

During his final visit, Wukong is angry that Macaque is free and can’t see the fact that Wukong was trying to do everything for them and his kingdom

Macaque snaps back at Wukong and calls him an obsessive demon before leaving

They have another fallout and fight

Wukong ends up killing Macaque in the aftermath

500~ years later, Macaque and Wukong fight again with Wukong being more apathetic towards their reunion than Macaque is

Macaque obsesses over Wukong continuously (coughs)

Macaque is biased in his retellings of his and Wukong’s relationship (see: all of shadowplay and the scrolls memories)

They fight (again) throughout S3

They somewhat reconcile by the end of S4

We will address the fact Sun Wukong was groomed into going to war by this former celestial warrior instead of having it be because of his own want to protect his family and friends after Heaven refused to pay him the respect he wanted when he first joined their ranks later. Right now we focus on the fact that Sun Wukong is canonically a person people easily fall in love with (platonically) and have a tendency to want to stay close to regardless of what his future actions will be like and Macaque is sequentially obsessed with him throughout the show.

“The hero and the warrior were like the Sun and the Moon. Their light, a protective glow, shining upon the world. Together, there was nothing that could stop the two of them. Either in the Celestial Realms or on Earth. As time went on, the hero attained power beyond comprehension. As the hero's light grew, so too did his shadow. And soon, the warrior was cast in that shadow. In the darkness, the warrior was forgotten by the hero.”

Fun fact: Macaque is never going to be on par with Sun Wukong’s power and he works best as support than he does a duo-attacker along side Wukong. Wukong is on his own power level and Macaque, while being able of holding his own against enemies, could be stomped to death by Xiaoijiao is he crossed the line.

Macaque’s obsession with Sun Wukong comes from the inability to move on from the past; Macaque wanting things to go back as they were is a subtle theme going through the show — he keeps latching on to biased memories and avoiding the actual problems that caused their relationship to fall apart and it isn’t until Season 3’s big confrontation with Long Xiaojiao’s Samadhi Fire ritual. He realizes he abandoned Wukong during a time of need and proceeds to flee, abandoning him again. 

Macaque has issues. More often than not people call out on Sun Wukong for abandoning Xiaotian or the Monkie Kid Crew all while ignoring the fact Sun Wukong does not purposefully leave Qi Xiaotian, he tries his hardest to make it back in time and is visibly scared/horrified when LBD attacks in his absence. Sun Wukong tries his hardest to comfort Xiaotian while Macaque tries to torment him. 

Regardless, Sun Wukong and Macaque’s relationship is unique to most media’s portrayal of friends turned enemies. Because Wukong does not see Macaque as a threat up until he teams up with Lady Bone Demon — he is only scary by association, not by anything he has done up until that point. You can tell with the way Wukong mocks him and calls him something akin to a puppet during their interaction in Season 3 when Macaque trapped him and Nezha in the ice. 

And even then Macaque doesn’t even bother trying to engage with Wukong in a friendly manner because kindness is for losers HA i’m not apologizing for anything, bye Sun Wukong, you big old LOSER [proceeds to possibly live on the streets and stay homeless until wukong allows him to return to ffm under certain house rules]

You’ll notice that Sun Wukong barely has any opinions on Macaque.

This is because Macaque is favored by the narrative more than Sun Wukong is so we have very little context as to how Sun Wukong genuinely feels towards Macaque. 

Sun Wukong sees Macaque as an annoyance, a bother, a threat, a coward, an imposter and then, finally, an ally. 

But all we get from that is Wukong handing Macaque a peach-flavored ice cream pop as a parallel to him sharing a peach with his old friend back when they were young monkeys before he was trapped under a mountain for 500 years as a result of his abuser’s power hold on him that forced him to fight heaven as a way to “make the world a better place”. 

We love to see it.

Macaque and Wukong’s relationship goes from mutual interest and a supportive friendship established years prior to the original building of the brotherhood to a very weird, uncategorized type of dynamic. The only way to characterize Sun Wukong’s “affection” towards Macaque is, possibly, the same way most people would characterize Macaque to be towards Wukong. Y’know the slightly judgmental actions and eye rolls and scoffs of affection most people write about Macaque when Wukong does something stupid? Yeah.

“But Macaque said “this guy” when Wukong was presenting his plan to defeat Azure—“ yeah have you considered Wukong does a lot of masking in the presence of the entire Monkie Kid Crew and Macaque has a tendency to present himself as this cool persona when in fact he’s just a homeless monkey who’s been crashing on his ex’s couch for the past weeks since the ending of Season 3? 

“OK…. but why QPR Shadowpeach?”

Sun Wukong throughout the course of Journey to the West and all its past and future iterations have always had him be uninterested in both men and women. There are multiple instances where he’s capable of courting women and he instead backs away or does not pay it any mind; aside from this he’s heavily implied to only care about familial love and friendships. He does not see his pilgrim brothers as anything more than family and he views Tripitaka as a mentor rather than someone whom he was chained to. And Azure was his idol and he was groomed by him, and everyone else was viewed to him as a troop — or, y’know, a family.

This and the fact that— both Sun Wukong and Macaque are over a thousand years old. Why on earth would they have a normal type of relationship? Giving them a checklist of what passes on as romantic and platonic when to them the line is so blurred it’s barely existent to them is amusing. 

Sun Wukong and Macaque having their own weird relationship where it changes from frustrated best friends to partners to angry middle aged demons to the tired traumatized immortals who sometimes cuddle while still beating each other up is so deliciously interesting and unhealthy to the point where it is healthy. 

Also Celestial bodies are not the same as mortal bodies; canonically Sun Wukong has transformed into women before and people have addressed him with female-leaning pronouns before. my personal headcanon of sun wukong being genderfluid lves on and now we can have sapphic shadowpeach with transfem macaque.

also im still feverish so if this doesnt make sense then too bad damn im sorry

[applestorms]

ok actually fuck it i'm talking about this too. so, the ivantill kiss, right? there are a lot of beautiful stylistic choices that make that scene just incredible, but the one thing i'd like to zoom in on in particular for this post relates to the 180 degree rule specifically.

if you're not familiar with filmmaking, essentially-- the 180 degree rule sets up a line that the camera typically is not supposed to cross. the clearest example of this in the case of scenes where you have two characters in a room talking to one another. for the sake of smoother continuity, you generally want to stick to having dude A on the left and dude B on the right, otherwise it feels wonky or gets confusing to follow, both as an audience and as an editor. this is particularly true when you're doing some kind of shot/reverse shot conversation between two characters and need to ensure that it Feels like they're consistently looking at one another in the same direction, even if they aren't actually both visible in the same shot. basically, the 180 degree rule is meant to help keep your left & right from getting mixed up while filming, and to make sure that the physical space both on- and off-screen are clear to the audience.

in round 6, most of the shots we get of ivan & till while they're on the actual performing stage are close-ups, though we do get a couple of establishing shots. early on we have this very quick frame:

which is very quickly followed up by a close up of till's face, and then a medium close up also displaying his name in the background.

the majority of shots that take place in this setting (not flashbacks) stick to similar shot sizes, putting emphasis on till himself rather than the mostly empty background and stage.

ivan is presented very similarly. we begin with a shot of his feet as he walks up to the mic:

and then a couple extreme close ups of his face, both from the side and the front to emphasize his mouth and eyes as he begins singing.

i think it's this side view in particular that really helps set up the space in terms of how ivan is positioned to the left of till, especially since we also see till from the same side earlier. note the similarities:

we also often see them positioned like this in the flashbacks, ivan on the right and till on the left, a good example being when ivan licks the blood of his face like a fucking freak.

later on, we also get this fairly short establishing shot of the stage from the back, again setting up just how empty and vast this place is:

(this one is actually a bit odd since we're viewing them from the back. bit of a teaser, i guess? the importance of this will be made clear shortly.)

POINT IS. in the minutes leading up to the kiss, we have a very clear line established, wherein till is always on the left and ivan always on the right. a couple flashbacks may buck this trend, but this is consistent for all the shots that we see of them on the actual stage.

notably, though, we very rarely ever actually see them in the same frame in this setting-- again, only in flashbacks, or the extreme wide shown above do we actually see them together.

this changes as soon as ivan decides to start walking towards him:

but still, we haven't crossed the line. always, it's till on the left, ivan on the right

UNTIL.

BAM. it switches.

why? so glad you asked, i have a couple theories. it all comes down to two big points: making the scene more jarring + audience perspective.

in terms of the first point... till is clearly caught off guard by this move, so literally jumping the line right at the moment when their lips touch is a great way of showing how ivan has also just crossed a line, emotionally. it is also, again, somewhat off-putting and confusing. even if you don't fully consciously notice the switch, it takes a moment to reorient yourself within the scene and realize what's happening. it's a very subtle move, but it really emphasizes that OH SHIT moment in a fantastic way.

in terms of audience perspective... alien stage is a story about a bunch of 20 somethings (and one 30 year old) singing and then getting murdered on stage. it is performative to its core, not to mention incredibly voyeuristic. on a meta level, as human viewers, we are to some degree put into the same position as the in-universe aliens, watching and delighting and being horrified over the exact same performance as them. in the earlier shots for this video, when we see ivan and till from the front, we are watching the show from the seat of the audience (which is, notably, not especially present/visible in this round, in comparison to some of the previous ones).

by flipping around to the other side, we are also seeing the details of this moment from a much more intimate perspective. note how the light shines behind them in this moment, particularly in conjunction with this next frame:

ivan wants this to be a moment special to the two of them, not something done for the sake of adding to the performance. so he blocks off the spotlight, and angles their faces away from where (presumably) the majority of the audience is. he can only get so much privacy when they're right smack in the middle of this great big empty stage, but he takes what he can get.

this also helps him get a better look at the scores behind them:

and it's perhaps interesting to note that after this, we jump right back over the line-- specifically, right at the moment ivan is shot.

the fact that the choking itself is also prominently displayed with this orientation (till left, ivan right) seems like additional support for the idea that ivan was doing that for the Performance and the audience.

especially since, when he takes his hands away, they're right back in that ivan left/till right orientation, on the more intimate/genuine side of the line.

this all ends off with another interesting perspective switch, one that is so quick you almost don't even get the chance to notice it. as soon as ivan hits the floor, we move from the usual left-side looking in angle from before to one that puts till in the foreground.

a shift from a POV where ivan dominates, to one where till does, only after ivan passes away. this shit is rich, fellas.

[nobodyfamousposts]

I remember reading a post by @critical-thinking-is-mandatory a while back about how Lila would realistically be disliked by people because of how self centered she is even if they don't think she's lying.

With this logic, Adrien's public friendship with Chloe (a school wide bully) should have a lot of people side eyeing him, if not outright avoiding him all together.

What do you think?

That's a valid point, and one that I and I think a number of others have considered.

Origins played with it but not nearly enough. By all counts, when a bully comes in with their "celebrity best friend" and parade him around the way Chloe does, there would be a mix of people being put off by him being her friend as much as there would be people impressed by Chloe being his friend.

Honestly, it would have been a more interesting setup and added extra layers to the love square dynamics if they started off going from enemies to friends to lovers. Or at least slow down and not dive headfirst right into over the top crushing.

But in that case, it would likely work better as a reverse love square. Ladybug loves Chat who is Adrien who loves Marinette who is Ladybug. Have Marinette be someon who gives Adrien a chance which builds a friendship and starts up his crushing on her.

Otherwise it would just lead us back into cringe with Marinette crushing on Adrien despite having valid reason to not trust him for being Chloe's friend or potential boyfriend.

I'm fairly certain I pointed this out in another essay/critique/salt post that they completely missed out on a potential character arc for Adrien in having him actually ADJUSTING to public school. Having him struggling to make friends with his stigma both as a celebrity and as "Chloe's friend". The effects would be two-fold.

First, it would help the Adrien salters better sympathize with him. Yes, I know there's his horrible HORRIBLE father, but storywise, the "Gabriel sucks" angle doesn't really matter if Adrien isn't having to be the one to face that. In addition, he seems to have no trouble with acclimating to a public school and making friends. Heck, he's not making friends, people are jumping over themselves to make friends with HIM. Part of what makes people sympathize with characters is seeing them try and fail and just generally make an EFFORT for what they want. Turn that around. In the hands of competent writers, this would be a setup that would do that more for Adrien. We see that in some aspects with the manga where it has Nathaniel mistake Adrien as a snob who looks down on comics and him as an artist. It would have been great to see more like that with Adrien getting to know his classmates or being the focus through which we get to learn about the classmates since he is supposed to be the new boy.

Second, it would be a stepping stone/building block to the eventual confrontation with Gabriel—which yes, should happen. Building relationships and forming HEALTHY bonds really helps to understand when other ones you have are not. (COUGHCOUGHScarletLadyCOUGHCOUGH) They can help you gain strength and courage and build a new identity for yourself. They also give you support in dealing with major conflicts. They can help him form attachments that make him NOT so willing to jump in to join his father's craziness. And they can help him become a better hero in his own right.

I'm not saying make Adrien suffer and be friendless. Far from it!

I'm saying to USE this as a plot point to develop Adrien and give him focus and room to grow. Or at least a point that ISN'T just him being half of the endgame pairing and desired by everyone in the city.

Show Adrien try to interact with each of the classmates. Show how Adrien becomes friends with others. Show how he comes to care about people who aren't there just to give him what he wants or tie him to the plot.

And yes, this would inevitably also lead in to some changes for Chloe as well...for good or bad.

[thetepes]

so gen question i hope doenst come across as offensive, but in your bio you say you dont like how the topic of lily is discussed and thats why you made ur blog. but it seems like you're agreeing with the other blogs in the lily-sphere uncritically. so which ones were you initially frustrated with, and what was the behavior you found so wrong in the first place?

I also think the lily hating has long since crossed over into lolcowing, to the extent that its very difficult to imagine real accountability is possible anymore. I agree with the stance you take in a lot of your posts, and then i see you reblogging and agreeing with the worst offenders in the lily sphere so like. have you changed your mind?

Look, I'm upset right now so excuse me if I'm terse, but I've REPEATEDLY and VERY LOUDLY admonished people for not giving a shit about her racism and homophobic bullshit.

I am extremely critical of who I reblog because there are plenty of people in this space who are just in it for the attention and bants, I've not been shy about that. I refuse to even follow people who post worthless shit.

I know you mean Sai, just say Sai. Sai has talked repeatedly about Lily's abuse of Courtney, Britt, in general, her trying to take away both her and Ant's channels, her racism, and her pedo inclinations. She might not cover it in totality on stream or in one big long video, but she doesn't shy from it. She's talked about it on stream.

She's also the only one of 3 people who checked on me behind the scenes after I was racially abused and purposefully triggered. She's also been one of Britt's loudest supporters.

I don't agree with her on a lot, I've openly not agreed with her on a lot. I've told her personally what I don't agree with her on. I've told her she can be out of pocket. She's one of those fun people you can go "Ayo, I disagree." and have a conversation with. There are some things she's just not going to budge on, donkey of a woman, and that's just fine with me.

And let's be fucking real, she's one of few in this space that takes the racism seriously. I've seen what people say. I know they only care until someone cries "You're not focusing on the important topics enough" then they call it "Lily being mean" because maybe six people in this space at most can handle confrontation and their ally ship only extends to the tip of their nose.

The media takes matter because that's where she shows her racism, xenophobia, homophobia, and pedophile inclinations the most. She couldn't even review hamtaro without making it weird with adding incest and sexualizing a literal baby hamster. Going over the media takes shouldn't be the main focus, but it serves a very good purpose.

My aim on here was to talk about her racism. It matters. Even if it's just me screaming about it in this godforsaken space, it matters. I'm tired of racism being given a free pass because it's progressive to hate asians and fetishize anyone darker than tea stain on teeth. I'm tired, as a CSA survivor, of the shit she's made like The MLP pedophile rape game getting a free pass.

I'm tired of people like you pretending none of this matters anymore because there was no big Lily left the internet blow up. That's not how things work most of the time, sorry. People like her and Birdie and Patricia and any of the other people I've mentioned on here don't take accountability and the police don't give a shit about online crimes most of the time. I'd know, I was blamed by them for being groomed as a kid and told I wanted it because I went in those spaces.

All we can do is keep pointing it out, supporting victims, and raising awareness of not just Lily, but other people like her that just will not face the justice their victims deserve while trying to mitigate harm. If you don't want to be a part of that, fine. Harm reduction is work and it's work you will not be acknowledged for. My advice is curate your experience like an adult. That's the healthiest and happiest way to live your life online and off.

So no, I've not changed my mind.

[stormyblueberry]

HOW DID I NOT GET NOTIFIED ABOUT THIS!? Im not tagging anyone, it’s open tags because I don’t have that many people to tag xD

So for those who don’t know, I chose Storm because she’s my main OC who also became my online persona.

StormyBlueberry came around eventually because her hair is a blue to purple ombré and I couldn’t get her being a blueberry out of my head.

Now that’s just the short story.

The long story is… Well, let’s start at when I first made her.

Imagine a 10-year-old Stormy who doesn’t enough know about or write fanfiction yet. I’d been on the internet since I was little, only at my dad’s house though. That’s where she got all my YouTube content until my stepdad gave her a phone. Technically, it was his one kid’s that we no longer talk to, but shhh, it was my phone from that day forward.

One day, just for fun, I started thinking about myself in one of my favourite series. For the life of me, I can’t remember which story I tried to self-insert myself into, I think it was the Rainbow Magic series? Don’t ask how little old American Stormy got a children’s book series written by people in Britain, but she did.

When I turned 14, though, is when I finally put pen to paper for her. First it was Quotev for a short stint of time, then it turned into Wattpad for my entire high school writing career.

First, she was just Storm because I’d used her in a fanfic with Jacksepticeye, crankgameplays, Nathan Sharp, PewDiePie, Markiplier, their egos, and of course, [Y/N] as the main cast.

I need to go back and delete that story now that I think about it… It’s not really me as a person anymore…

Anyways, while I was in the middle of writing that fic on Quotev, I’d found fanfictions from the fandom of a Minecraft FNAF rp my best friend, Hollywood, had gotten me into. It spiralled from there, because FNAF quickly became one of my biggest hyperfixations.

From that moment on, Storm was a multi-fandom OC. She was in the FNAF universe, and TheFamousFilms was my outlet for a short stint of time.

Then came Bendy (her husband), then Baldi’s Basics, then all of my other hyperfixations… And a whole list of last names.

Her main one, of course, is Afton.

Her next main ones are Lawrence and Drew, Lawrence because her dad is Sammy Lawrence, and Drew because of the OC I use a lot in Bendy fics that is actually Joey Drew’s son, Ben, who actually got tossed into the ink machine and turned into Bendy.

His sister, Ryan/Reanna, is shipped with my other Anti and another OC. Ben was originally created by the same person who made Reanna (who, btw is trans, mtf) but I stole Ben and made him my OC.

My online bestie was cool with me stealing him, just throwing that out there.

Now the Blueberry part, that actually came about in a roleplay that me and my online bestie were doing in a Google doc after we lost the third member of our group and before we moved said rp to Discord.

Yes I roleplay, so kindly shut.

Anyways, I kept coming up with many different nicknames for Storm related to her hair colour. I kept going from Bluejay, to Bluebird, to Bluey (this was before the show came out), to Blues Clues, to eventually Blueberry.

That one stuck, obviously.

I originally went by NightmareStorm on Quotev, then NightmareStorm102603 on Wattpad, then changed my Wattpad to StormAfton102603, then nixed the Afton and changed that one tiny part of the name to Films, then eventually changed it to Storm_The_Blueberry on both Wattpad and Archive of Our Own when I got invited there.

So there! That’s my story.

Edit: I lied I’m tagging @firequeenofficial just so she can see it, she already shared her username story, she doesn’t have to go again. Open tags still!

Tag game🎉

Tag your moots and ask them where they got the idea for their tumblr accounts name!

For my name it was a nickname I was giving back in middleschool! One of our teacher had a system where we worked with 'wifi' eachtime we talked in class we lost a bar of the "wifi" (was a weird joke and we never held count on that) All the kids usually joked if they needed 'wifi' , they would borrow mine if they wanted to talk more. (I was incredibly shy in middle school, I only talked to like 3 people at school;^;)

They called me Ms. Wifi because of that. I just thought it would be funny if I put 'miss' instead of 'ms' because of my terrible actual wifi connection I have at home lol.

That's my story! Now moots, only if you guys want to, tell us your story.

Tags-> @slipping-lately @firequeenofficial @noagskryf @twinklstarrrr @halfbakedspuds @polterwasteist @rokushi-san @mygedagtes +anyone that sees this and wants to do this as well

[burningembers91]

The Sweetest Song - Kang Dae-Ho x Fem!Reader (NSFW)

Follow up piece to:

Voice Like Honey Tennessee Whiskey Bruises

Synopsis: As Kang Dae-Ho prepares to return to work, a figure from his past shows up.

Kang Dae-Ho had always thought your singing voice was the sweetest sound he’d ever heard; but that was before he’d made love to you. Your soft moans were heavenly, the way you said his name as he fucked you was the most beautiful sound in the world. You clung to him; your fingers entwined in his hair as he thrust into you. You fit so perfectly underneath him, your thighs wrapped round his waist, holding him in place as you moved together. “Harder,” you whispered, “I need it harder.” Dae-Ho could never say no to you, could never deny you anything. He fucked you harder, your moans punctuated with each thrust into your slick, tight walls. You were heavenly, pure perfection.

He could feel you getting close, could feel your body shaking against him as you neared the brink of ecstasy. He wanted you to come apart for him, wanted to feel your tight walls quiver around him. “Come on, baby,” he whispered, peppering sweet, soft kisses along your jawline. “Let go.”

You loved it when he guided you, told you exactly what he wanted you to do. He was so gentle with you, unless you told him otherwise, but his ability to make you fall apart using only his words set your senses alight.

His hand snaked down between your bodies, the pad of his thumb pressing circles against your clit. His touch was your undoing, the sounds you made as you gave yourself to him was all he needed. With a guttural moan, Dae-Ho spilled himself inside you, your tight walls still quivering from your own orgasm.

You lay in bed together, both of you knowing you had to start work soon, but neither of wanting to leave the comfortable confines of your bed. Smoothing his hair away from his face, you looked up at him, his soft brown eyes gazing at you with such love. “We need to get ready for work,” you sighed.

It was Dae-Ho’s first shift back at the bar since the fight, and both of you were feeling apprehensive. His bruises and cuts had all but faded, but he was still scared to return. He’d felt helpless that night, unable to defend himself. If he hadn’t been dragged away, if you hadn’t been there to help him… well, the alternative didn’t bare thinking about. You could tell he was struggling, but when you asked him if was ok, he just smiled and told you he was fine.

The bar was just as busy as it always was, patrons spilling out into the courtyard outside as the sun set. Dae-Ho was greeted by his colleagues and regulars, slotting back into his routine like he’d never left. He was on high alert though, constantly on the look out for the man who’d beaten him to the ground. You kept your eye on him, your gaze meeting throughout the night, soft smiles exchanged. You were both singing soon, and you knew that Dae-Ho would lose himself in the music, momentarily forgetting his troubles. Whenever he sang, nothing else to seemed to matter. And when he sang with you, it was like the world stood still.

You mounted the stage together, guitars in hand as you began your set. As always, the bar descended into silence; the two of you commanded the room with your performance. Dae-Ho forgot to be scared while he was singing, forgot to look for the man who’d stalked his dreams the last few weeks.

He was so wrapped in the music that he didn’t notice the figure by the doorway, the woman with the same shaped nose and wide smile as his. His sister has been searching for her little brother for months, leaving no stone unturned in her search. Someone had posted a video of his little bust up in Instagram, and she’d managed to track him down.

She was biding her time, waiting for the right moment to approach him. He’d changed a lot since she’d last seen him; he’d grown his hair, bulked up, had gotten a few tattoos. He also had you by his side, a woman she’d never seen before. Your set finished, and Dae-Ho leaned in to kiss you. whoever you were, it must be serious. Her brother wasn’t one for relationships, so you must be something special. She headed back out into the city, deciding to come back another day. the bar was too busy, and her baby brother looked too happy to interrupt.

But sooner or later, their dad would get wind of where he was. And his sister wanted to warn Dae-Ho before he did.

[centrally-unplanned]

Guess I should throw out some Gaza Ceasefire Thoughts - from a political history perspective it certainly is interesting:

-- As for the deal itself, it is pretty much "the best one could realistically hope for", though funnily enough the details aren't that surprising. Israel for some time has had very little strategy in Gaza (beyond "release the hostages or we keep blowing up random blocks"), and so them agreeing to these terms is the expected outcome. Hamas also lacked any real strategic options, but in the summer you could at least argue "the status quo of radicalizing the population and shredding Israeli reputation is beneficial", so you can see why both sides really weren't committing to anything before in the summer. Things have changed since then, though.

-- The straight-up-humiliating defeat of Hezbollah in the fall was a complete game-changer for the strategic situation. As much as Hamas had a strategy it was "wait for Hezbollah/Iran to carry the weight of the fight", and that was going not-awfully through the summer. Then Israel absolutely shattered Hezbollah to the point where their ability to control Lebanese politics is up-for-grabs, and any real threat to Israel is temporarily gone. Meanwhile Iran stacked that defeat with the revolution in Syria and their own military capacity losses, and while there is real tension in Iran between realist & radicalist factions, the current winds are blowing towards retreat. Combine that with the death of Sinwar, and the new Hamas leadership had no cards left to play. By the same token, Israel has few fights left to win.

-- This is why negotiations resumed in earnest in October/November, and right now you are seeing some pretty heavy exaggeration of the role of the Trump administration in this deal. It has been being hashed out for months, you can easily point to articles about progress throughout both of those months (example) and the Biden administration was heavily involved in the Doha talks. These things just take time, and both sides had a dramatic incentive shift recently. That is carrying the most weight here - talks were "90% complete" before any Trump reps arrived on the scene.

-- But the election certainly did play a role here, primarily because it was inducing uncertainty and changing incentives in the US. While it was going on you can see how both sides could "hope" that new administrations might let them gain an advantage, and understood that commitments from the Biden administration in August just weren't very meaningful. Additionally, while not very important the war was "an issue" in the election, and so the "action space" of politicians was shaped by that. Why not just...wait, and see how things go, right? Now there is no more reason to wait, you know what you got.

--I don't want to take all credit away from Trump on this, though. A theme I will continue to harp on, the "Imperial Presidency" has advantages. Biden was a perpetual faction appeaser, and you could credibly call his bluff on any decision around the war by going "you won't take the heat from your own party on this" from the left or the right. Trump can much more credibly claim "I don't give a fuck what I 'said on the campaign trail', I say what goes, make a deal or I will absolutely spite you". This is not a great strategy in a lot of contexts, but in foreign policy you need this sometimes. Dems really do need to take notes here, more unity in either direction and more strong brinksmanship from Biden would have been better.

--Now let's walk that back a bit - it is way easier for the Trump administration to play hardball. Elections make hard decisions much more difficult to pull off, as political factions can punish you more easily. The Dems have an asymmetric disadvantage here - they are inherently the "dove" party facing a topic where the median American voter is generally hawkish, and they are the party that contains a notable split within itself on the issue. Meanwhile Republicans all agree. No longer facing electoral pressure, it is much easier for Republicans to play a "Nixon goes to China" card and credibly browbeat Israel. No one will really think the Republicans are anti-Israel even if they do that, and Dems can't accuse them effectively of foul play because the party itself is split on the topic. This is "unfair" in a certain sense, for sure, but such is politics.

--I would be assigning way less credulity to the complaints amoung the Israeli far-right about Trump or Netanyahu "betraying" them. The far-right in Israeli is a powerful force, for sure, but by no means do they command the majority. They want to annex the West Bank and all that, but most Israelis disagree, the military isn't on board, it would jeopardize US/Arab ties, etc. Never say never but that was not really in the cards - if it was they would have done it already. Slow-roll settlement expansion is the plan, that will continue, but meanwhile there is nothing left to do in Gaza. Netanyahu is of course going to say publicly "oh boo hoo my hands were tied by the Americans I'm so sorry" while he gets almost all of his realistic goals. This is politics 101 stuff - though if the approval vote on Thursday goes sour then I am wrong on this, part of why I am posting it today. (Also another reason to not assign too much credit to the Trump admin - easy to "bully" someone who wants to be bullied)

Okay done - hopefully the ceasefire sticks, obviously this has been a disastrous war for almost all involved, never look the imperfect status quo horse in the mouth. It isn't the world one would want but it is better than the one we have right now.

[airenyah]

A LOOK AT STYLE'S JOURNEY | Ep 7

(Overview | Ep1+2 | Ep3 | Ep4 | Ep5 | Ep6)

Hi y'all, this is the longest one yet. Don't ask me how much sleep I've been getting. And don't ask me about how my uni assignments are going. Or the studying for any exams. You don't wanna know.

ENJOY <3

Disclaimer: I just want to remind everyone that I am not a Thai native speaker and also in no way fluent yet (I'm roughly at B1/B2 level). There is a whoooole lot of language stuff in this meta and I didn't double check every single thing with native speakers because I didn't wanna overwhelm anyone with the number of questions, even though I already split my questions between three different people. That's how much language stuff I've packed in here this time. Oops. (There may be mistakes. I'm open to corrections.)

Pronoun situation: As usual, just assume Fadel and Style use the rude pronouns guu/mueng with each other unless I specify otherwise.

To recap: When we last left Style he was absolutely stoked to have his boyfriend back. Fadel even confessed his love to Style, and while Fadel was acting a little weird, things were mostly all good, right? Nothing to worry about, thinks Style...

No. 1: How to Clean Your Boyfriend's Face

We start the episode with Style actually doing his (real) job for once, which is nice for a change, because I don't think we saw him actually working on a car ever since he started flirting with Fadel. However, he gets abruptly interrupted in his work when Fadel suddenly pulls him out from underneath the car with no warning and attacks him with a shower of kisses. Style is very amused about it, but it's not the right time or place for something like this and so he complains, reminding Fadel that Style's father could show up. Fadel asks him if Style is scared and personally, I don't think it's that Style is scared. I think it's more about how off-guard Fadel caught him, Style wasn't mentally prepared for a sudden kiss shower/potential make-out session from one second to the next. And also, Style knows his dad is out and could return at any moment and let's be real... This would be a very awkward situation to have your parent walk in on you, for both you and your parent.

But Fadel doesn't care and continues to shower Style in kisses anyway. Since the message didn't reach Fadel the first time or Fadel is deliberately ignoring the message, Style tries again, now explicitly asking Fadel if this was the time for kissing (I know in the subs it's a statement but in Thai he actually phrases it like a question). Instead of answering, Fadel goes into an explanation about the difference between a kiss and a peck which ends in a demonstration of what a kiss really is. Style is still very amused and even laughs, but he's getting more suspicious by the minute. He pushes Fadel away again and starts questioning him: "Why are you here?"

Now, this isn't literally what he's saying in Thai, but I can see why it would have been translated that way, because I, too, am struggling to find a way to make the literal translation sound smooth and natural in English. Plus, the second part of what he's saying can be taken a few different ways:

นี่มึงมาหากูอ่ะ มีอะไรหรือเปล่ว [nîi - mueng - maa hăa - guu - àh • mii - à-rai - rĕu bplào] [interjection] - you - come visit - me - [particle] • there is - something, anything - or not

Now, the literal translation of the first part is pretty straight forward, it's just "you came to visit me". The second part is slightly more complicated because the literal translation is "Do you have anything?" or "Do you have something?" which doesn't really make any sense in English. This phrase means something along the lines of:

What's up?/Is something up?/Is anything up?

Is there a problem?

Is something on your mind?

What's the matter?

Is something wrong?

Basically, the sentiment here is something along the lines of: "The reason why you came by, is there anything going on?" (Funnily enough I find this a lot easier to translate into German: "Dass du zu mir gekommen bist, gibt's denn was?")

Point is, Style isn't just asking "Why are you here?" because he's surprised and wants to know the reason, but he is specifically asking if there's anything up, because he can tell there is something off about Fadel's behavior and that there's got to be a reason for it. And when he says "You could have let me know you were coming", in Thai this is also phrased like a question:

Why didn't you let me know first? ทำไมไม่ทักมาก่อนอ่ะ [tam-mai - mâi - ták maa - gòn - àh] why - not - speak to - first - [particle]

Again, Fadel doesn't really answer any of Style's questions and just comes up with a counter question: "We’re dating. Can’t I just pop by and see you?" Style is still very amused about this and the way he looks at Fadel is full of love and affection. However, as much as Style appreciates the sweetness, it's very out of character and that has him even more skeptical now: "What is this? You’re being weirdly nice. What’s with you?" By the way, when Style says "nice", the word he uses in Thai is หวาน [wăan], which translates to "sweet". Style is explicitly calling out Fadel's odd overly clingy behavior.

And again, Fadel deflects Style's inquiries about what is going on with him, this time with a complaint: "You don’t like me being nice. You complain when I’m cold. What do you even want?"

I'm just gonna share the literal translation with you, even though it doesn't really make much of a difference (except for Fadel also saying "sweet" instead of "nice") simply just because I found it amusing:

When I'm sweet, you don't like it. ตอนกูหวานมึงก็ไม่ชอบ [dton - guu - wăan - mueng - gôr - mâi - chôp] when - I - sweet - you - [sentence link] - not - like When I'm hostile, you still scold me. ตอนกูโหดมึงก็ด่ากู [dton - guu - hòht - mueng - gôr - dàa - guu] when - I - aggressive - you - [sentence link] - scold - me How exactly do you like it? มึงชอบแบบไหนกันแน่เนี่ย [mueng - chôp - bàep năi - gan nâe - nîia] you - like - which way - exactly - [particle]

I just find it amusing that Fadel complains about Style scolding him, when Fadel has spent the first few episodes doing nothing but scold and yell at Style himself.

Anyway, Fadel turns it around on Style and Style is quick to conciliate him ("I’m just not used to you like this.") and then explicitly tells Fadel that he is being out of character ("You don’t sound like you, you know?"). And let me just share a literal translation with you, for funsies:

I'm just not used to the tone of your voice right now. กูแค่ไม่ชินกับน้ำเสียงมึงตอนเนี่ย [guu - kâe - mâi - chin gàp - náam-sĭiang mueng - dton - nîia] I - just - not - used to - your tone of voice - (right) now - [particle] You don't seem like you at all, you know? ดูไม่เป็นมึงเลยรู้วะ [duu - mâi - bpen - mueng - loiie - rúu - wá] seem, look - not - be - you - [particle for emphasis] - know - [particle]

Fun fact: the word that is used to say "seem like" is ดู [duu], which also means "to look". That is to say, the sentence could also give a feeling of "it looks like it's not you at all" or "you don't look like you at all".

Fadel doesn't sound like himself in the way he speaks, and Fadel doesn't seem ("look") like himself in the way he behaves. Something is wrong with the Fadel that Style knows and loves, and Style can very much tell. So he keeps pulling back, keeps refusing to accept Fadel's affection and kisses until he's gotten to the bottom of what is going on. But Fadel hits him with a (seemingly) romantic line: "Don’t you ever think that I’m only like this because of you?" This has Style smile. After all, Fadel isn't exactly wrong about this. Fadel has indeed changed through Style's influence since their first meeting. It's the most sincere thing Fadel has said in this entire conversation so far. Style looks at Fadel fondly and finally lets him kiss him without a protest. And that, of course, is the exact moment Style's dad has to arrive home. Our lovebirds ended up being walked in on by a parent after all. How awkward.

Fadel quickly jumps to his feet and Style sits up. After a short banter between Style and his dad, Style's dad turns to Fadel and asks: "You’re here so late. Where are you guys going?"

And again, I wanna share a more literal translation of the ensuing conversation:

Dad: Where are you inviting him to go to? จะชวนไปไหนกัน [jà - chuuan - bpai - năi - gan] will - invite - go - where - together Official subs: Where are you guys going? Fadel: I'm not inviting him anywhere. I was gonna come to ask to spend the night. ไม่ได้ชวนไปไหนครับ จะมาขอนอนค้าง [mâi dâai - chuuan - bpai - năi - kráp • jà - maa - kŏh - nawn káang] not - invite - go - anywhere - [krub] • will - come - ask for - spend the night Official subs: We’re not going anywhere. I’m just staying over.

It doesn't really make much of a difference here, but I find it interesting how just a little bit of rephrasing to "I'm just staying over" makes it sound like Fadel had already decided and was set on it (which to be fair he probably was anyway) while in Thai that decision is less straight foreward, because he says he wanted to ask to spend the night (he's not just barging in, but asks for permission first. Although, let's be real, I'm sure if Style had said no, Fadel would have done his best to talk Style into letting him stay over anyway. That is, if he had even planned on spending the night at Style's in the first place or if he just said that to appease Style's dad, considering Fadel didn't even seem to bring his own PJs for a sleepover).

Anyway, Fadel wanting to spend the night is news to Style. He looks at Fadel with question marks all over his face. This isn't helping in making Fadel's behavior seem any less odd.

Style's dad is cool with Fadel staying over, but wants to have a chat with him under the guise of Fadel helping him. Once the dad has walked off, Style starts questioning Fadel again: "Hey. Why didn’t you tell me you wanted to stay over?" Fadel crouches down, takes Style's head in his hands and says: "It’s only normal for boyfriends to cuddle to sleep, right?" Style smiles at him and while there is so much adoration in his expression, he is also not at all convinced or reassured.

Style goes uncharacteristically quiet and almost kind of passive after Fadel crouches down, as if he's letting Fadel's touches and kisses just sort of happen to him. Style clearly has a bad feeling about this. He doesn't even keep the smile up until Fadel has walked away, instead his smile falls the moment Fadel has turned his back to him.

Something is very much not right about any of what just happened with Fadel and Style knows it:

Side quest: Protective Dad

Okay, so by now you're probably well aware of the fact that for this meta series I only look at scenes featuring Style. However, I do wanna take a quick dip into the scene between Fadel and Style's dad, because it confirms what I said in my ep6 meta when I went into why I think Style's dad asked Fadel whether Fadel was Style's one-time thing or if he was taking Style seriously:

[I]t's more [Style's dad] being a bit of a protective dad who wants to make sure the people his son keeps company with aren't gonna cause heartbreak to his son.

And it already shows in the scene when Style's dad walks in on them kissing. I actually shared this specific literal translation for a reason:

Dad: Where are you inviting him to go to? Fadel: I'm not inviting him anywhere. I was gonna come to ask to spend the night. Official translation: Dad: Where are you guys going? Fadel: We’re not going anywhere. I’m just staying over.

What is happening in Thai is that Style's dad is addressing only Fadel with his question. Where are you taking my son? What are you gonna be doing with my son? What are your plans with my son?

Style's dad trusts his own son, but Fadel is a stranger to him and so he needs to make sure his son will be safe in Fadel's hands. After all Style's dad and Style only have each other now. And we've already heard from Style how important they are to each other. And when Fadel lets dad know they're staying in, dad is relieved: "That’s good. Stay over so I don’t have to worry."

After that, he immediately pulls Fadel aside to question him some more away from his son: "So I take it you’re serious about him, then?"

I wanna share some of the ensuing conversation with a more literal translation again:

Fadel: Serious in what way? จริงจังแบบไหนครับ [jing jang - bàep năi - kráp] serious - how, in what way - [krub] Official subs: What do you mean? Dad: Well, serious as in calling it dating. (lit.: "calling it being each other's faen") ก็จริงจังแบบที่เรียกว่าเป็นแฟนกันน่ะ [gôr - jing jang - bàep - têe - rîiak wâa - bpen faen gan - nâ] well - serious - like - that - be called - dating - [particle] Official subs: You’re really dating him, aren’t you? My son isn't imagining it, right? ลูกกูไม่ได้คิดไปเองใช่ไหม [lûuk guu - mâi dâai - kít bpai eng - châi măi] my son - not - imagining/thinking by oneself - right? Official subs: He’s not being led on, is he?

I wanted to share this mostly because of the last sentence. Usually, Style's dad uses the rude pronouns guu/mueng when talking to Style (he does with Fadel, too) and so he also uses the rude pronoun man when referring to him in 3rd person in this conversation with Fadel. But in the last sentence he refers to Style as "my son" specifically, which I adore. That's his son! Style is his son! And he doesn't want to see his son get hurt because the guy he's with was just playing him and it was all just one-sided on Style's part in the end.

Fadel says he's not leading Style on. Style's dad is a bit relieved and shares that he was worried since Style was the one who hit on Fadel first. Now this is a very interesting, because that feeds right into the discussions from after episode 3 dropped about Style preferring to be pursued rather than doing the pursuing himself which I also address in my ep3 meta.

Anyway, Style's dad says that he won't have to worry anymore and then continues to say:

I don't know what the world of two men together is like, กูก็ไม่รู้หรอกนะว่าโลกของผู้ชายกับผู้ชายมันเป็นยังไง [guu - gôr - mâi - róo - ròk - ná - wâa - lôhk - kŏng - pûu-chaai - gàp pûu-chaai - man - bpen - yang-ngai] I - not - know - [particle] - [particle] - that - world - of - man - with, and - man - it - is - how Official subs: I don’t know anything about dating boys, but if you like him, then like him for a long time. แต่ถ้ามึงชอบมันอ่ะก็ชอบมันให้นานๆ [dtàe - tâa - mueng - chôp - man - àh • gôr - chôp - man - hâi naan naan] but - if - you - like - him - [particle] - then - like - him - for a long time Official subs: but if you’re gonna date him, I hope it’s steady.

There is no deeper reason behind me sharing this except that it amuses me that the dad phrases gay dating as "the world of a man with a man" and that I think somehow the dad asking Fadel to like Style for a long time sounds almost sweeter to me than the word "steady". I don't know, maybe the word "steady" simply just sounds kinda weird to my ESL brain. And I like how phrasing it as "like him for a long time" makes liking Style something that Fadel actively does. Fadel is an active participant in this relationship, this relationship is not something that kind of just is. Fadel can actively influence how the relationship is gonna go and how it will affect the well-being of dad's son. It's almost like a task that Style's dad is giving him.

Style's dad closes with "My son may talk big and annoy people, but when he loves, he does with his whole heart. Just like his old man does." And we know dad is speaking the truth when he says Style loves with all his heart. Episodes 5 and 6 are proof of that. (Btw, the literal translation from Thai actually sounds less poetic in English: he says that when Style loves someone, he "truly loves them". I can't speak for the connotations in Thai, though, because I didn't ask anyone about it. Maybe it sounds more poetic in Thai.)

Anyway, I just adore this scene, because in episode 1 and episode 4 we already got some glimpses into the dynamic Style has with his dad and in episode 5 Style revealed just how important his dad was to him. And now in episode 7 we get to see dad's side of it as well. He is so very protective over his son and he will let Fadel know. In fact, so far in every single scene in which Style's dad and Fadel have interacted, Style's dad has made it very clear to Fadel that he is worried about Fadel's intentions with his son. Honestly, the fact that Style's dad is so adamant about this makes me wonder if maybe he's had to watch his son get his heart broken before and doesn't want a repeat of that. Either way, I just adore this father-son relationship and I hope Style's dad will make it out of this story okay (no one dies in a romcom, right? 🥺). And I hope he adopts Fadel in the end.

No. 2: Scent Addict

Just as a quick reminder, we left Style sitting on his cart on the floor of the garage looking very concerned and very confused, clearly suspicious of Fadel and uncharacteristically quiet. Now we come back to Style sitting on his bed on the floor, watching his boyfriend make a big show of sniffing his shirt (shout out to the costume department for using the chance to put Joong in a crop top! They're the real MVPs). Fadel compliments Style's smell and Style is not impressed. In fact, Style immediately calls Fadel out for being weird again: "I think something’s wrong with you. It’s not like you to talk so sweet." Or in it's more literal wording:

I think you're unwell. กูว่ามึงไม่สบายแล้วนะ [guu - wâa - mueng - mâi sà-baai - láew - ná] I - think - you - ill, unwell - already, now - [na] It really doesn't seem like you to be so sickly sweet. มึงหวานเลี่ยนแบบเนี้ยดูไม่ใช่มึงเลย [mueng - wăan lîian - bàep níia - duu - mâi châi - mueng - loiie] you - overly sweet - like this - seem, look - not - you - [particle for emphasis]

I mainly wanted to share this, because in the second sentence he uses almost the exact same wording like earlier on the garage floor when he said that Fadel didn't seem like himself:

ดูไม่เป็นมึงเลยรู้วะ [duu - mâi - bpen - mueng - loiie - rúu - wá] seem, look - not - be - you - [particle for emphasis] - know - [particle]

Compared with what he says now:

มึงหวานเลี่ยนแบบเนี้ยดูไม่ใช่มึงเลย [mueng - wăan lîian - bàep níia - duu - mâi châi - mueng - loiie] you - overly sweet - like this - seem, look - not - you - [particle for emphasis]

Again, the image Style is being presented of Fadel doesn't look like the image of Fadel that he knows and loves. Fadel laughs, says he's fine and sits down on the bed next to Style. Back in the garage, Fadel responded with "Don’t you ever think that I’m only like this because of you?" which was a truth so sufficiently sincere that it satisfied Style enough to the point to let Fadel kiss him without a protest, completely oblivious to the fact that Fadel didn't necessarily mean this truth in the way Style thought he meant it. Now in Style's room, Fadel's response to Style's accusation of not seeming like himself is similar to the one on the garage floor: "Meeting you has brought out a different side in me, is all. Didn’t you notice? I’m happier. I smile more." Again, Fadel goes for the truth. We know it's the truth because we've watched Fadel smile and laugh and just be happy whenever he was around Style ever since their conversation by the car in episode 4 that led to a change in their relationship status. We know this, and Style knows it, too. There is no need to be suspicious about this, what Fadel said makes complete sense. Style agrees: "You’re right. You were like a vicious dog before this. You even beat me up. I should get the credits for bringing out this sweet side in you."

Fun fact, Style actually doesn't want the credits himself but wants to give them to his charm specially instead:

I have to give credits to my charm for being able to pull this extreme sweetness out of you. นี่กูต้องให้เครดิตเสน่ห์กูนะ ที่ดึงความหวานเลี่ยนออกจากตัวมึงได้อ่ะ [nîi - guu - dtông - hâi - kreh-dìt - sà-nèh guu - ná • tîi - deung - kwaam wăan lîian - òk - jàak - dtuua meung - dâai - àh] [interjection] - I - have to - give - credits - my charm - [particle] • that - pull, draw - overly sweet sweetness - out - from - your body - be able to - [particle]

Fadel laughs and throws his arms around Style, resting his chin on Style's upper arm. But Style feels stinky after having worked on a car and really doesn't want to be hugged right now because it's kinda gross. Fadel doesn't care, though, and just starts smelling Style on purpose. In Fadel's opinion, Style doesn't smell bad. In fact, Fadel likes Style's smell. Or at least that's what Fadel claims, because Style just can't imagine it to be true. He jokes that Fadel must really be unwell if he likes the smell of gasoline. Style informs Fadel that you can get addicted to that and Fadel responds that he thinks he's already addicted, then. Style smiles fondly. Fadel says he hella likes it to the point that no doctor anywhere can cure it:

I like it very much. โคตรชอบเลย [kôht chôp loiie] extremely, very much - like - [particle for emphasis] Like this, no doctor anywhere can cure it. แบบเนี่ย หมอที่ไหนก็รักษาไม่ได้ [bàep nîia • mŏh - têe năi - gôh - rák-săa - mâi - dâai] like this • doctor - anywhere, somewhere - [sentence link] - cure, treat - not - be able do

What I love about this whole bit is that Style keeps complaining and keeps questioning Fadel's sense of smell, but he still lets Fadel hug him and smell him without trying to shake him off in any way. And ultimately, he is also charmed that Fadel is still so into him, even when he himself feels so dirty and smelly and gross:

(↑ This is Style's face in reaction to Fadel saying he's addicted to the smell of gasoline aka Style's smell, btw. Look at him smiling and leaning closer. This absolutely worked on him.)

Now, the question that we, the audience, get to ask ourselves is just how much of what Fadel is saying and doing here is for show and how much of this is genuine on Fadel's part. Personally, I do think all of the kisses and his opinions on Style's smell come from a genuine place and Fadel just takes what's already there and plays it up a lot more than he usually would. It's both genuine and ingenuine at the same time. In a way, it's also almost as if he's also trying to use the opportunity to get as much out of it for himself as well while he still can. In any case, from the moment he sat down on the bed, Fadel is definitely being more genuine and sincere than compared to earlier at the garage. And Style also reacts to Fadel's behavior differently. In the garage he kept trying to push Fadel away, kept asking him question to get to the bottom of things. But now, especially after Fadel has truthfully pointed out how he's gotten happier and has started smiling more because of Style, Style lets Fadel get closer again. Style still looks confused and skeptical when Fadel hugs him, and while he does lean away from Fadel a little when Fadel gets close, he doesn't try to push him off immediately. It takes over half a minute before he finally wiggles in Fadel's arms and insists on showering for the first time. And when Fadel then just continues to shower him with kisses, Style doesn't try to push him away like he did in the garage, nor does he try to get his own body away from Fadel in any way. He doesn't even try to wiggle his way out again when he repeats that he's gonna take a shower. What's more, back in the garage, Style also kept asking Fadel questions to find out what the hell had suddenly gotten into him, but now, even though it definitely registers that Fadel is clingier than usual, Style is still reassured enough to go along with it and to have flirty banter about being addicted to the smell of gasoline instead of interrogating Fadel about his behavior. Style isn't really pushing Fadel away this time, but goes along with it, not just in letting Fadel shower him with kisses for a significant amount of time or in taking part in the flirty banter, but also later in complying when Fadel asks for kisses. Style even leans a little closer to Fadel when he asks "Happy now?" after obeying to Fadel's wish. And of course Style is still weirded out about Fadel's uncharacteristically clingy behavior, but I think when they're sitting on the bed it's happening more on a subconscious level and his main concern really is that he is gross and stinky and just wants to go get cleaned up already.

And so he tells Fadel just that. That he'll go take a shower. But instead of letting Style go, Fadel just goes back to sniff kissing Style's arm. Style tries again. Fadel stares at him for a moment, then points at both of his own cheeks. Fine. If that is the price Style has to pay for Fadel letting him go take a shower, Style will gladly pay it in full. Style makes sure Fadel is completely satisfied now, even dropping a "krub" on him:

Happy? You happy, krub? พอใจมั้ย พอใจมั้ยครับ [poh-jai - mái • poh-jai - mái - kráp] be satisfied, content, pleased - ? • be satisfied, content, pleased - ? - [krub]

(German speakers: พอใจ [poh-jai]​ has the same vibe as "zufrieden" to me.)

Fadel finally releases him and Style gets up. But he doesn't get very far before Fadel catches his hand and holds him back. Style turns back around, laughs, and is affectionately annoyed. There really does seem to be something going on with Fadel and Style directly calls him out, questioning him again:

Why are you being so cutesy today? ทำไมวันนี้อ้อนจังเลยอ่ะ [tam-mai - wan-níi - ôhn - jang loiie - àh] why - today - cutesy - so much - [particle] Official subs: You're so weird today.

The word that Style uses here that I phrased as "cutesy" is อ้อน [ôn] which was explained to me as acting a certain cutesy way because you want something from the other person (which can also be something like simply just wanting affection). In the words of my friend, the mood this word conveys is basically "a cat rubbing up against you". And it makes sense for Style to call out Fadel for being so overly clingy and affectionate when Fadel has never really been that way with him before.

To Style's surprise, instead of being more clingy and affectionate (or asking to join Style in the shower, which I personally was expecting to happen), Fadel asks him on a date the next day. Fadel then reveals that it'll be Bison's birthday and Style wants to buy him a present, but Fadel says Style doesn't have to. That it's Kant's duty. Style should buy something for Fadel instead. Style asks on which day his birthday is and Fadel tells him it's on Christmas. Style loves that and tells him: "Lucky you. That’s a good day to be born on. I'll be your Santa Claus sneaking in your house and leaving a present for you." Fadel wants to know what that present will be. Style doesn't say anything, just looks at Fadel for a moment before he leans forward and plants a kiss onto Fadel's lips. When he looks at Fadel afterwards, his expression is full of adoration:

It's as Style's dad said: when Style loves someone, he really truly does. With all of his heart. And that heart full of love is exactly what he will give to Fadel. Fadel laughs. Style's smile widens a tiny bit*. He's in love. Then he turns around, making sure he gets his face just a liiittle bit closer to Fadel's while he turns, and then finally makes it to his shower.

*see second image above

Style can't see the way Fadel's expression darkens after Style has walked away.

No. 3: I Know You Don't Know I Know

The date turns out to be a BB gun war. Of course the lovebirds have teamed up boyfriends vs. boyfriends. Style is in the middle of firing a few shots towards the other team when Fadel stops him. Style tells him that he can handle the enemy himself, but Fadel says Kant has to go through him first. Then he makes a very shady comment: "He started all this, after all." Style squints at Fadel, alarmed and confused.

That's weird. Fadel isn't supposed to know this. Style asks for clarification and Fadel elaborates: "Because he hit on my brother, you got to know me." Or in his actual wording, because I'm having too much fun with this:

Ai'Kant came to hit on my little brother and you came to hit on me. ไอ้กานต์มาจีบน้องกู แล้วมึงก็มาจีบกู [âi Kant - maa - jìip - nóng guu • láew - meung - gôr - maa - jìip - guu] Ai'Kant - come - hit on - my little brother • and - [sentence link] - come - hit on - me

Fadel then repeats that this is how Kant started it and subtly throws Style a challenge: "What did you think I mean?" Or also:

What were you thinking (of/about)? มึงคิดอะไรเนี่ย [mueng - kít - à-rai - nîia] you - think - what - [particle]

While this sure is plausible, Style still isn't very reassured. It seems like a weird time to bring this up, especially with Fadel having acted very out of character the day before. Not to mention, why would Fadel pull a correlation between Kant hitting on Bison and Style hitting on Fadel? For all Fadel should know, him and Style first met when Style crashed into Fadel's car. There is no reason for Style's flirting to be related to Kant hitting on Bison in any way. But Style can't exactly tell Fadel all that, so he brushes Fadel's question off, saying he wasn't thinking of anything. Then he brings the topic back around to their war game: "But you gotta let me play, too." Now here I do desperately need to share Style's actual words, because we've got something very interesting going on here:

But let me take a shot some time, too. แต่มึงให้กูยิงบ้างดิ [dtàe - mueng - hâi - guu - ying - bâang - dì] but - you - let - me - shoot - some - [particle]

(Alt. translations": "But let me shoot some too." or "But let me take some shots.")

Style doesn't just wanna play the game, no, he actively wants to take a shot himself. Might that be foreshadowing? Will Style be shooting someone at some point? If this was a video essay, I would now put a counter in a corner that takes note of every time there is a reference to Style shooting a gun this episode.

Style says Fadel doesn't have to act like his bodyguard all the time and then leans closer to tell Fadel: "I know you’re good at this. But I ain’t no loser, either." There is a lot of weight to Style's words, he really means what he says. This is important to him. He wants to be able to stand his own ground, too. Although, it's actually kind of ironic that Style says this. We all saw how he did in that fight at the host club in episode 3. But then again, maybe watching Fadel take on three grown men on his own while being completely useless in the situation himself has kicked Style into determination to be able to fight for himself alongside Fadel, especially once he found out about Fadel's hitman identity. Or maybe he's played a lot of BB gun war games before and is actually good with guns, but is simply just useless in a fist-fight.

Anyway, this time it's Style who's said something that suspiciously alludes to something that Style actually in reality should not know. He doesn't know that Fadel now knows Style knows and so when Fadel calls him out on it, Style is caught a little off-guard. "How’d you know I’m good at this?", Fadel asks. It's a very pointed question, a suspiciously specific question. Style stutters for a moment before he comes up with a plausible reason: "I can tell from how you hold your gun. It’s obvious you’re a professional." Without Style's knowledge his word choice betrays him again. Right after the words are out of Style's mouth, Fadel suddenly leans over to fire some shots at the other team past Style's shoulder (part of me wonders, if Fadel really did need to shoot right then and there or if he just did it for the dramaaa~~~), then grills Style some more: "Professional what?" Now, here's a the literal translation of how this conversation goes:

S: Just from that I already know you're a professional. รู้เเค่นี้ก็รู้ว่ามึงมืออาชีพ [rúu - kâe née - gôh - rúu wâa - mueng - meu aa-chîip] know - just that - [sentence link] - know that - you - professional F: What profession? อาชีพอะไร [aa-chîip - a-rai] profession, occupation - what

There is definitely something not right here with the way Fadel is phrasing his questions. With the way he is explicitly asking Style to state what Fadel's occupation is, an occupation through which one would gain expertise in how to hold and shoot guns. "What profession?" This is not a genuine question, it's a challenge. Does Fadel know anything that Style doesn't know?

Again Style takes a while to answer, searching Fadel's face for any hints before he says "Professional BB gun shooter."

Fadel laughs and finally stops grilling Style with questions he can't yet answer truthfully. Instead, Fadel drops a cheesy line on him. "I can’t help but get protective over my boyfriend." Although I feel like the Thai version sounds a bit less cheesy (at least the English translation of it, I forgot to ask my friend about the connotations in Thai):

I have a habit of looking after my boyfriend. กูติดนิสัยดูแลแฟน [guu - dtìt ní-săi - duu-lae - faen] I - have a habit (of) - looking after, taking care of - boyfriend

Then, Fadel takes up on Style's wish to get some shots in as well and suggests Style watches his back, telling him not to let anyone shoot Fadel. Style still looks at Fadel with that searching look on his face. Fadel is clearly playing at something, but Style can't figure out what exactly that is. Then Fadel hits him with another pointed question:

I can trust you, right? กูไว้ใจมึงได้ใช่ป่ะ [guu - wái-jai - mueng - dâai - châi bpà] I - trust - you - can - right?

Style still doesn't answer immediately, but instead of question marks, there is now determination in his face. This is a question he can firmly answer from the bottom of his heart. "Yeah. You can trust me." Fadel acknowledges it, but then waves his BB gun at Style in a subtle threat: "Don’t let me down." The message certainly reaches Style clear as day. He doesn't say anything, instead just searches Fadel's face again for answers he can't find.

Fadel gets up and throws himself back into the battle. Style stays put and watches him run off. Style squints a little as he stares after Fadel.

Something was very much not right about this conversations. Fadel's questions were too specific, too threatening even at certain points. Fadel is clearly onto something but Style just can't find the missing puzzle piece that would explain Fadel's recent behavior or all his probing questions. This isn't really the time to dwell on this, though, so after a moment Style gets back to playing as well.

The very first thing we see of Style next after Style says Fadel can trust him is Style shooting Kant in the back, which has me wondering if he will end up metaphorically shooting Kant in the back in a future episode. The "Style + guns" counter is up to 2. Style tells Kant "Love sure makes you do something stupid" which has got to be foreshadowing (exactly what stupid things are gonna be happening out of love?? 👀) and then Fadel walks over, puts his arm around Style's shoulder and brags about him. Style looks at Fadel, his expression content and pleased as they stand there arm in arm. Style got his shots in. He did Fadel proud. He did not let him down.

No. 4: The Power of Love

Now this scene is very interesting, because it's like Style does a complete 180. From the way he talks you'd think he's entirely forgotten how he's called out Fadel for behaving weird and saying weird things in literally every single scene from this episode so far. You'd think he's forgotten how Fadel was suspiciously dodging most of his questions on the garage floor. You'd think he's forgotten about how uncharacteristically sickly sweet and clingy Fadel was when he stayed in Style's bedroom. You'd think he's forgotten about how only earlier that day they were dancing around the topic of Fadel's true identity and how Fadel kept challenging and even subtly threatening him. What happened to the Style that was so very skeptical and suspicious of Fadel all episode?

Now, I think everything Style is saying here makes complete sense for his character. Style has always been a character full of optimism and hope (showcased perfectly well in episode 6) and especially in scenes with Kant he has often been the optimistic counterpart to Kant's pessimism and realism: When Kant was worried about James, Style suggested that James could simply just be out of town. When the Captain was about to arrest the brothers, Style figured the brothers would be free as soon as their boss was caught before Kant reminded him that that's not how it works in real life. When Kant and Style stood in front of closed restaurant doors, Style reminded Kant of and held onto how attached the brothers were to them. Now in the showers, when Kant voices his suspicions, Style is overly confident and optimistic again.

Style tells Kant "you think too much" when Style has done nothing but think a lot in all his scenes with Fadel so far. And all his thinking shows in the way he immediately has counter-arguments ready without even thinking about it. Style has been through all of this in his head already. I don't think that Style is necessarily actively talking himself into believing what he says, because his mood is too good for that and what he says sounds a bit too genuine for it to be addressed to himself. I think this really is the hope within him talking. And, frankly, also his confidence. I mean, look at the two of them. Who wouldn't quit their assassin job to be with them? Style and Kant are that awesome. Style fully believes that. And he fully believes in the power of love.

What was the thing that Style's dad again? When Style loves, he does truly does with all his heart. Style loves so sincerely, so intensely that of course it would feel powerful. Of course there is power in love. Of course it can turn a bad guy good. Why wouldn't it? Fadel went from a grumpy cat to someone who constantly smiles around Style because of Style's love. Fadel wore the matching couple shirts because of Style's love. Fadel danced and sang karaoke in public because of Style's love. Fadel wore fan make-up in public because of Style's love. Why wouldn't Fadel stop killing because of and for Style's love? And why would the same thing not go for Bison and the love Kant has for him? I know there've been some entertaining posts going around making fun of how Style puts killing people on the same level as stealing cars, but that's just genuinely how Style thinks. Because Style doesn't draw a comparison in which one is worse. Both are simply bad. Both, Kant and Bison did bad things. They can connect over that. And the power of love will fix things.

Just like in episode 6, Style refuses to just sit there in misery. He refuses to be stressed as long as there is still a small glimmer of hope that things end well. Yes, Fadel has been acting weird, but until Style has definite proof that something is indeed extremely wrong, he'll go and enjoy life. As long as there is still a positive, plausible explanation or a positive way out, he'll go and enjoy life. There could be something wrong, but there doesn't have to be and so Style chooses to hold onto the thought that there isn't anything wrong for now until proven otherwise. And with that energy, he goes bowling that same night.

No. 5: Eventful Evening

The four of them round off Bison's birthday with a double date at the bowling alley. Style is in the bestest of moods. Kant and Bison walk off for some bowling. Fadel and Style stay back at the table and watch from a distance as Kant hands Bison his birthday present. Style is impressed at how romantic Kant is is being. Style could never. And now that I think about it, that actually seems to be true. Style has been romantic towards Fadel, but from the top of my head I can't remember a single instance in which Style pulled a pre-planned and prepared romantic gesture on Fadel. But that's okay. Because Fadel likes Style exactly the way he is. And Style is cool with that. He continues to say: "But you know, maybe I get like that, too. I could spring a ring on you one day and just ask you to marry me."

You never know! Fadel reacts fondly. Style throws him another happy smile. They both go to take a sip of their beer. Out of the blue, Style starts choking and ends up on the couch. Fadel panics. Style springs a ring on him and goes: "Will you marry me?"

Pronoun time! For just this one sentence, for just the marriage proposal Style switches to the polite phom pronoun before he jumps back to the rude guu pronoun:

แต่งงานกับผมนะครับ [dtàeng ngaan gàp - pŏm - ná - kráp] marry - me - [na] - [krub]

Now, at this point I sincerely need to apologize to those who read my ep6 meta before I went ahead and edited it because I made a really big mistake: I completely forgot to mention a very important language note in a specific scene because there was so much else going on that scene and it was only when I watched the cast reaction to ep6 that it hit me. I have since edited my meta post and added it, but if you missed it let me tell you there is a word play I failed to mention in the scene where Fadel puts make-up on Style: you know when Style says "Then you should put some makeup on, too"? The word he uses here is แต่ง [dtàeng], which is used in the sense of แต่งหน้า [dtàeng nâa] which means "to put make-up on" or is also used in the sense of แต่งงาน [dtàeng ngaan] which means, well, "to get married" or "to marry". In Thai, Style leaves out the second part of the phrase that makes it explicit which of the two it is and so the sentence can be heard either as "So, will you put on make-up with me?" or as "So, will you marry me?"

And it's just veeeery interesting that Style asks Fadel to marry him for the second episode in a row. If it happens again next episode, I'm calling it. But for now, let's wait and see 👀

Style is absolutely delighted that his little prank actually worked on Fadel: "You’re usually too smart for me." Fadel stares at him for a moment, then shakes his head, sighs, and replies: "Not at all. I’m a damn fool. That’s how you got me."

And fun fact: when he says "That's how you got me", in Thai the word that was translated as "got" is หลอก [lòhk] which means "to trick" or "to deceive". Style tricked Fadel. And we know Fadel definitely isn't referring to just the marriage proposal alone. As perceptive as Style has been all episode about Fadel's weird behavior, now the double meaning slips right by him. Personally, I think it's because at this point he's too tipsy to pay attention to this and he's also too good in a mood to care. Besides, he's already decided to be optimistic about Fadel's behavior. Style grins at Fadel, slips the ring back onto his own finger, then holds out his hand to Fadel and looks up at him. With an eye roll, Fadel obliges and pulls Style up onto his feet. Style then excuses himself to go to the restroom.

Style is so tipsy, he is about to fall asleep at the urinal when a random guy he doesn't know walks in and strikes up a conversation with him. Now, I think the whole thing about "We gotta keep these good things, don’t you think? People don’t seem to appreciate antiques anymore" is definitely alluding to something, but we're gonna have to keep watching to find out. And Style certainly wouldn't know, after all he doesn't know this dude. The guy walks into one of the cubicles and honestly, considering the ensuing interaction between Fadel and Style, I think Style is drunk enough that this didn't even fully register with him or maybe he just immediately forgets about it the moment Fadel walks in.

Style is quite surprised to see Fadel enter the restroom as well, but is also very happy about it: "Did you miss me so much you had to follow me to the bathroom?" This thought excites Style. Then Fadel asks about the other guy and starts looking through the stalls. Fadel's behavior is kinda weird again, but I think this time around Style really is too drunk to properly take note of it and connect it with Fadel's secret life. And as mentioned before, Style has decided to focus on the positives and not to stress unless given a solid reason to do so. And so for a moment Style observes Fadel checking the stalls before pushing Fadel against the wall and asking if he is jealous. When Fadel finally says yes, Style huffs a little, looking kinda pleased. And I can't help but think of @secriden's post about how back in episode 5 when Style said "I hope you're not the jealous type like your brother is" his body was saying the exact opposite of his words. And let me just share @braceletofteeth's tag on that very post too, while I'm at it:

#Style wants Fadel to claim him as his so bad it makes him look stupid #just like he takes pride in choosing his own man #he would be proud to be chosen as Fadel's man #delighted‚ if Fadel let others (and Style) know he's the one who earned the space reserved for his special someone #in his heavily secured heart #if he was so special to Fadel that he wouldn't want him to be taken away #or to share him with anyone else

I think we can really see this here in this scene as well. Fadel claims he's jealous and from Style's POV is in search for the random dude in order to take it up with him and defend his position as Style's boyfriend and that thought immediately has Style horny for Fadel. He advances on Fadel, trapping him against the wall on one side and goes on a monologue about how he only has Fadel now. The thought of Fadel being jealous has Style so horny for Fadel, he's ready to hook up with him right then and there in the bathroom stall. By now, Style has most definitely gotten too distracted and as a result forgotten that the random dude from earlier is still there. Lucky for Keen, Fadel declines and leaves the bathroom. Style stays back for a moment, watches him walk away, licks his lips and then follows him out.

Side note: Okay, so over my previous metas I've been very clear about how I think that Style isn't the kind of person to enjoy sleeping around all that much (at least not as much as Kant does). And in my ep3 meta I said that I think Style enjoys flirting around much more than sleeping around, attention hoe and chatty cat that he is. Now here in the bathroom, when he says that he only has Fadel now that of course could be taken as Style hooks up with many people. However, what he says right before that strengthens my belief that Style much rather flirts than actually hooks up: "I know I’m cute and all that. It’s only normal people strike up a conversation." Style never shuts up. And flirting? Hitting on someone? Is typically done via talking. So of course he'll engage with people striking up a conversation. And also, Style calls himself cute. I mean, I'm ace so I wouldn't know, but if you wanna end up in bed with someone wouldn't you like them to consider you "hot" or "sexy" rather than "cute"? At least that's how I'm imagining it that it goes (allos feel free to share some personal experience that I'm lacking). Anyway, yeah. I think, Style very much enjoys the whole flirting part. After all, that'll give him both attention as well as an excuse to talk.

When Fadel and Style return from the bathroom, to Style's surprise he finds Kant with a kid. Style immediately walks over to say hello. I've seen discussions and headcanons on Style potentially helping Kant raise Babe. So far we saw Babe and Style in a scene together only one single time and they didn't even interact, so we don't really know what Style's relationship with Babe is like, but it certainly is quite likely that Style is an honorary older brother or uncle to Babe. Another thing I'm thinking is that Style probably also simply just likes kids. He is very excited and motivated to interact with the kid and I'm wondering if Style would like to have children of his own some time. After all, he did seem very open to the idea of being impregnated by Fadel back in episode 4.

But from one moment to the next his happy little interaction is interrupted by an unexpected gun shot. Some guy is waving around a gun and screaming bloody murder over his (ex) girlfriend. Style stays with Kant and the kid. That is, until Fadel claims to be the girl's new boyfriend. Maybe you've already seen a post about Style's outcry going around, but if you haven't, then let me just explain what Style literally says when he goes "Take it back!"

ผัวเค้าเหี้ยอะไร [pŭua - káo - hîia - àrai] husband - her - fuck, damn - what

Now, several things here: the characters use the word ผัว [pŭua] which is a slang term for "husband" which is also used in the sense of "boyfriend" (meaning, as far as I've picked up on the word doesn't mean that the people are married for real, though I might be wrong about this). In the following I'll use "man", because "husband" sounds too formal and "hubby" also sounds kinda weird in this context. Next, the word เหี้ย [hîia] is a curse word kinda like "fuck/fucking" or "shit" or "damn". Word for word the Thai sentence makes "her man fuck what" (alt.: "her man fucking what"). The sentiment of it is roughly:

Her man, my ass.

The fuck you on about, her man??

Her man, the fuck??

Her man, fuck no.

What the fuck, her man??

Take your pick. Style is very upset about this, even if rationally he knows that Fadel is doing it do protect the girl from being murdered. But in his drunken state and this being a life-or-death situation, he reacts emotionally instead (which tends to be his main route even when he's sober anyway, it's just worse now). This brings us back to: Style wants Fadel to claim him as his so bad it makes him look stupid (quoted from @braceletofteeth). Only minutes ago Style was excited at the prospect of Fadel being jealous and fighting for him and now here Fadel is, claiming someone else as his in a hall full of people. It stings, even if it's just pretend. Fadel is his boyfriend, thank you very much. Style's had to work hard, fight hard to even get to this position and he's not gonna let anyone, not even Fadel himself, take that away from him, goddammit. "Her man, the fuck?? You're MY boyfriend!!" But Kant pulls Style back down, worried about Style's safety. Style lets it go.

In the meantime, the assassin brothers are working on taking the shooter down and each gets hurt in the process. Both Kant and Style run to their respective boyfriends. Fadel shoos Style away, though, ordering him to check on Bison first. Style looks up and with terror realizes that the shooter isn't being checked on and could cause more harm at any moment. Style jumps to his feet and runs to the gun, picks it up and shoves it into the shooter's face without any hesitation. And that's a 3 on our "Style + guns" counter. Three times is a pattern, no?

Now, I've seen people wondering if Style maybe has some experience with guns from the way he confidently pointed it at the man. It could be a possibility (after all he seemed to have a handle on the BB guns as well), but I think a big reason why he reacted like this is that Style simply just likes to help and tends to act like a mediator (when he's not actively picking the fights himself). His reaction here really reminds me of the way he also threw himself into the fist fight at the host club, despite being a terrible fighter and standing no chance against those men. He sees that the situation is dangerous and his main desire is that it is resolved with as little harm being caused as possible. Style isn't really thinking here in this moment (in the sense of that he's actively using his brain). He acts on instinct and his instinct is telling him to keep the gun away from the shooter and to make sure the guy doesn't cause any more harm. Style's desire to protect his loved ones is so strong he doesn't even have the capacity to think about what he's doing here and whether he is even capable of shooting the gun in the first place and what that could potentially do to his mental state if he shoots (and possibly kills) someone. There is only "MUST PROTECT" going on in his mind. Finally, staff drags the dangerous man away. Style calls an ambulance at Kant's request.

No. 6: Signs (Of Worries)

In the process of taking down the shooter and saving the two women, Fadel hurt his arm and is now getting it treated at the hospital. And of course, Style is right by his side. As soon as the nurse is gone, Style starts asking Fadel worried questions. When Fadel claims that it doesn't hurt, Style is a little bit done with Fadel's constant need to pretend: "Just admit when it hurts. You don’t have to be tough all the time." Style loves Fadel, Style wants to be there for Fadel through the good times and even more so through the bad times. And especially in the bad times he doesn't want to spend the entire time having to guess how his boyfriend is doing, how his boyfriend is feeling. He wants to be a safe space for Fadel to be open and vulnerable. And just to hit the message home he tells Fadel out loud to make sure Fadel really doesn't miss it or can't ignore it: "I’m worried about you, you know? I thought you were a goner." Actually, in Thai he's more vague about it, he doesn't say that he was afraid of Fadel dying specifically:

I was afraid something would happen to you. กลัวมึงเป็นไรไปอ่ะ [gluua - mueng - bpen rai - bpai - àh] afraid - you - have a problem - [particle]

Also, he doesn't say he was "worried", he says he was "โคตร [kôht] worried". โคตร [kôht] is an intensifier, so basically Style is saying he is "super worried", not just "worried".

Fadel shoots him down, telling him not to overdo it. But Style isn't!!! He just watched his boyfriend go through a situation that could have potentially killed him if something had gone wrong. Not to mention, said boyfriend's brother is now lying at the very same hospital with a stab wound, because something went wrong. Style has every right to make a big deal out of it, because it is. To him it is. With worried puppy eyes he continues to say: "Can you please at least give me a sign before you do something like that again? I’m always here to help."

I want to share a more literal translation again, not because the content differs but because there's something about the original phrasing that I like:

Next time you're gonna do something, give me a sign. ทีหลังมึงจะทำอะไรอ่ะก็ส่งสัญญาณดิ [tii lăng - mueng - jà - tam - àrai - àh - gôh - sòng - săn-yaan - dì] next time - you - will - do - something - [sentence link] - send - signal - [particle] I'm always ready to help you. กูพร้อมช่วยมึงเสมออยู่แล้ว [guu - próm - chûuay - mueng - sà-mĕr - yùu - láew] I - ready - help - you - always - [aux] - already

I like that the first sentence is phrased like an imperative, not a question. Of course, in this moment Style is asking Fadel to do something specific, but the question is only implied. It's not a "Can you please do this?". No, it's a "Do this!", instead. It's an order. And what I find even more interesting (which we have in the translation too) is that Style doesn't say "Please don't do this again". He isn't keeping Fadel from doing dangerous things. Fadel is allowed to do them. But Style requires a sign first. A warning. A little heads-up so that he can mentally prepare. And even more so that he can help Fadel. "I'm always ready to help", he says. He is not just here to help but he is ready to jump to his feet at a moment's notice and help Fadel no questions asked.

He waits for Fadel to say something. Fadel asks about Bison. Style informs him that Kant is with Bison and Fadel starts to get up, saying he'll stay the night with his brother and orders Style to go home. Style has been sent home by Fadel many, many times before, so he is used to this. However, back then it was before they were a couple and Fadel sending Style away always made sense, because Style was in fact annoying Fadel and Style was aware of that fact. But now it's different, because now Fadel genuinely enjoys Style's presence and Style know that fact, too. And as always, Style won't let Fadel get rid of him so easily and so he holds Fadel back and starts questioning him about his weird behavior again: "What’s with you? You were so lovey-dovey an hour ago." Then he leans closer and takes Fadel's face between his hands, asking: "Is your brain okay? Did you hit your head?" And while the words Style is saying are certainly meant to be a joke, the sentiment behind them is 10000% serious. Something is not right with Fadel, something hasn't been right with Fadel since the day before, actually and lowkey even since the love confession at the diner. Style genuinely wants to know what's going on with Fadel. That's not a joke, there is nothing funny about this, even if he is phrasing it in a light-hearted way.

But Fadel shakes him off and moves to walk away again. Now Style gets stressed. There is absolutely no way he is leaving Fadel's side right now. He holds him back and yields, offering to take Fadel to Bison. Then he runs off to grab a wheelchair and maneuvers Fadel into it. Fadel humors him and Style wheels him off.

Bison is still sleeping when they arrive at his room. Kant gives them the update on Bison's health. Fadel announces once again that he'll stay with Bison overnight. Style is against it and comes up with sensible reasons why Fadel shouldn't. Fadel's arm is hurt and Style wants him to go home and rest. Fadel's well-being is a priority for Style right now. Kant can take care of Bison for a while, it's fine. Fadel can and should take a break and recover a little bit. Finally, Fadel agrees, even if he's not very happy with the situation. But despite him yielding to Style, he does speak out a warning to Kant: "But while I’m gone, if something happens to my brother, it’s your fault." The last sentence is even more direct in Thai:

You must take responsibility. มึงต้องรับผิดชอบ [mueng - dtông - ráp-pìt-chôp] you - must - take responsibility, be responsible

Fadel isn't just telling him that he will be blaming Kant for Bison's disappearance, but he's saying "You will be taking responsibility for his disappearance, you will pay for it". It's a threat. And in Thai, Style actually acknowledges that Fadel's words are a threat when he stands up for Kant:

And why are you threatening Ai'Kant? แล้วมึงจะไปขู่ไอ้กานต์ทำไม [láew - mueng - jà - bpai - kùu - âi - Kant - tam-mai] and - you - will - go - threaten - [prefix] - Kant - why, what for Official subs: Don’t give Kant a hard time, dude. Kant didn't do anything wrong. การต์ไม่ได้ผิดอะไรเลยนะ [Kant - mâi dâai - pìt - à-rai - loiie - ná] Kant - not - be/do wrong - anything, something - [particle] - [na] Official subs: None of this is his doing.

There is no reason for Fadel to threaten Kant when Kant was in no way involved with the insane man at the bowling alley that attacked Bison. Kant promises he'll take good care of Bison. Fadel just sits there wordlessly. Then, without a warning he gets up and walks out. Style calls after him: "Do you have to be so stubborn?" which in Thai is actually:

You're hurt and you're still stubborn?! เจ็บแล้วยังดื้ออีก [jèp - láew - yang - dêu - èek] hurt - and - still - stubborn - (once) more

I wanted to share this because I wanted to draw attention to how Style mentions Fadel being hurt again even when Style is complaining about his behavior. Fadel's injury is still very much on Style's mind. He just wants to take care of Fadel and be there for him. And so he runs after Fadel.

No. 7: Heed My Warning

Style follows Fadel into the hallway and tries to convince him to get back into the wheelchair again and to let Style take him home. But again Fadel tries to get rid of him: "I can walk. Just go back to your garage." Something is seriously not right about Fadel's behavior. Style looks at him searchingly, trying to figure him out:

Then he steps closer to Fadel and continues his fight. "I know you can. But boyfriends are supposed to take care of you at a time like this." I just want you to know that when he says "in times like this" the literal translation is something like "when you're sick and hurt":

ตอนเจ็บตอนป่วย [dton - jèp - dton - bpùuay] when - hurt - when - sick

Fadel is hurt and Style is worried and he just wants to look after his boyfriend, goddammit. But instead, Style is met with a warning: "Once my brother gets better, we have some business to finish with you two."

The word Fadel uses here for "finish" in Thai is สะสาง [sà-săang] which the dictionary translates as "to clear up" or "to solve" and my friend who I asked about this word defined as:

to finish something and leave nothing unfinished

Yeah, Fadel is out for murder and he's gonna make damn well sure the job will be done properly and to the end. The sentiment reaches Style. He's confused. Where is this threat suddenly coming from? "What are you talking about? Sounds scary as hell." Fadel agrees. He repeats what he's tried to tell Style before, except this time the warning serves as a threat, a direct attack: "You should probably be wary of me." Style looks taken aback. Fadel continues his threat: "Whatever act we’ve put on up until now won’t be necessary anymore." Then, Fadel walks off. Style watches him go, speechless and alarmed. He gulps, not once, but twice.

The time for optimism and hope is over. Style has to face it: something is worryingly wrong with the way Fadel has been acting. Once back at his garage, he sits and thinks about Fadel's words again. Fadel knows something, but Style just can't figure out what exactly that something is. He grabs his phone and calls Kant, presumably to discuss the conversation with him and to warn him and to make sure Kant is safe. Kant doesn't pick up. Style has a really bad feeling about this.

No. 8: The Naked Truth

It's the next day and Style is back at the hospital. He doesn't even make it to Bison's room before he is stopped in his tracks. The police is here. Style stops a nurse and learns that Bison has kidnapped Kant. Style hides in the restroom to call Kant. Kant still isn't picking up. This is very very bad. But before Style can take action, someone grabs him from behind. Only seconds later, Style falls unconscious. Headcanons are out on whether Style could tell it was Fadel who attacked him by the feel of his body or not.

When Style wakes up, he finds himself tied up at a pool wearing no clothes save for his underwear. As most people in this situation would probably do, Style starts calling for help. And what's interesting is that he doesn't really seem panicky about it when he initially starts shouting. It's more concern than fear. It's only towards the end once it starts to sink in for him that he really does seem to be completely alone that the fear sets in. Except then he hears a familiar voice: "Stop shouting and shut up. No one can hear you here."

When Style asks what Fadel is doing and why he tied him up half-naked, Style's voice sounds a little stressed but there is also something reproachful about it. Fadel demands to hear the whole truth (Or one could also say... the naked truth. With the way he stripped Style of all his clothing). "What truth?" Style asks, and now the fear that was there a moment ago right before Fadel revealed himself is gone. Instead, Style is truly angry. He ain't got no time for these games. His best friend has been taken god knows where by a killer who could be doing god knows what to him (after all, Style doesn't know Bison as well as he knows Fadel) and he also isn't in the mood to be sitting around tied up and naked at a pool while getting a gun waved into his face by his boyfriend. Especially when he has no idea what the fuck his boyfriend is even on about. But luckily, Fadel explains. Remember how at the end of my ep6 meta I said "Style is missing a key piece of the puzzle and even if he can tell that something is off, to Style it still looks like a happy picture. To Style it still is a happy picture"?

Style asks "What truth?" and Fadel says "That you and your friend have been fooling me and my brother. You work for the police." And there it is. The last crucial piece of the puzzle that Style had been missing since the end of last episode to see the full picture.

Oh. There are several realizations happening in Styles reaction here. Fadel knows. Fadel knows that Style knows. And now Style also knows that Fadel knows that Style knows. Style has been trying so hard to get Fadel to drop the truth and now the moment is finally here. No more dancing around this topic. And also, all of Fadel's recently odd behavior suddenly makes perfect sense. It's all falling into place. During the BB gun war Style already had his suspicions that there was something that Fadel knew about and then when Fadel threatened him at the hospital in a way it just proved his suspicions. And now Style finally knows what exactly it is that Fadel had found out about. And Style now also understands that Fadel found out a wrong truth, or rather an inaccurate truth that paints a wrong picture of Style. And so Style clears it up: "I don’t know anything about those cops. Kant asked me to take you out so you could leave him alone and he could freely investigate." The anger that was in Style's voice before the reveal subsides when he goes into his defense and instead he is annoyed and impatient. After all, he is still naked and tied up at a pool. And his best friend is still missing from having been kidnapped by an actual assassin. Style doesn't have time for this argument right now. Fadel asks him another question: "What did he get out of it?" Style replies "I don’t know. That ain’t my business" and his tone is even more annoyed and also kind of exasperated now. How the fuck should he know?? Why is Fadel bothering him with this?? His only job was to make Fadel his boyfriend. That was his only role in this. He didn't have anything more to do with this.

Fadel wants to know where Kant took Bison to. Style is even more annoyed at this point. Yeah, I was trying to find my friend, too, before you got in my way and abducted me, you fucking idiot. Fadel doesn't believe it when Style says he, too, was looking for Kant. Now Fadel is getting annoyed and impatient as well. "Stop freaking lying." Style is frustrated. "I'm not lying." He informs Fadel of what the nurse said about Bison taking Kant and running away to some unknown location. Style is fed up. He really isn't in the mood for Fadel's stupid interview. He just wants it to be over. "Don’t hurt me, Fadel," he continues. And what I love about this is that there is absolutely no fear in his voice when he says this, no plea for his life. Because he doesn't say it in reaction to something Fadel said or did. Sure, there's a gun to Style's head that could be triggered at any moment, but the thing is that Style has been having this argument with a gun pointed at him for a full minute now and nothing has happened so far and so Style doesn't feel like he is in any immediate danger. And Fadel doesn't even do anything to indicate that he's about to use the gun on Style or that he's about to hurt him in any other way after Style explains that it was Bison who took Kant instead of the other way around. Fadel just stands there immobile, not acting significantly more threatening than he has for the past minute, so there is no reason for Style to be afraid. And it shows in the tone of his voice that he isn't afraid. When Style says "Don't hurt me" his voice sounds annoyed and irritated and frankly, just kind of done. It's almost as if he's saying Just drop the tough act already. Because Style knows it's an act. And I just wanna share something that @secriden wrote here, and I know this paragraph is actually in relation to Fadel's uncharacteristically clingy behavior all episode and to Style's lines that are about to follow, but when I read @secriden's words they had me thinking that this also goes for the seemingly tough act that Fadel is putting up in front of Style, not just the played up sweetness:

In the midst of all the secrets and lies between them, ever since [Style] found out about Fadel's secret and decided he was going to keep pursing him anyway, Style has been chasing and chasing Fadel's sincerity. And each precious revelation that Fadel gave him -- his parents' murder, his inability to trust, his desire for something genuine from Style -- has been carefully stored away in Style's heart like nuggets of gold. Which is why Fadel's performance was doomed from the start; because Style was moved by the true things and not the lies, and Fadel's pretensions can have no effect when Style's heart now has the ability to recognise that which he has already grown to love.

Style has gotten to know Fadel so well that he can recognize when Fadel is being sincere or not, whether it's about Fadel's affections or Fadel's threats. He's gotten to know all these different sides of Fadel, has learned to read him and has learned to differentiate between what is true and what isn't, the way Fadel has learned to differentiate the sincerity and the insincerity in Style's words and actions, too. Which is another reason why Fadel is doomed as well, because after all this time he, too, can tell when Style is being sincere or not. And what Style is about to say to him is indisputably sincere.

Fadel demanded the whole truth from Style, but there is one truth Style hasn't told him yet, at least not in explicit words anyway. And so he continues: "I know I worked for the police, but that was before I knew who you are. Now that I know you, I really love you, Fadel."

And let me just share my own translations again:

Even if it's true that I was a police informant, it was before I knew the real you. ถึงกูจะเป็นสายตำรวจก็จริงอ่ะ แต่นั่นมันก่อนที่จะรู้ตัวจริงของมึง [tĕung - guu - jà bpen - săai dtam-rùuat - gôh - jing - àh • dtàe - nân - man - gòn têe jà - rúu - dtuua jing kŏng meung] even if - I - be - police informant - [sentence link] - true - [particle] • but - that - it - before - know - real you But now that I know the real you, I love you for real, Fadel. แต่พอกูรู้ตัวจริงของมึงแล้วอ่ะ กูรักมึงจริงๆนะฟาเดล [dtàe - poh - guu - rúu - dtuua jing kŏng meung - láew - àh • guu - rák - mueng - jing jing - ná - Fadel] but - when - I - know - real you - already - [particle] • I - love - you - really - [na] - Fadel

You'll notice that I highlighted something there. I actually discussed the term ตัวจริง [dtuua jing] (= real self) with a native speaker friend and I even showed him the scene (bless his heart for putting up with my antics) and he said when he first heard those lines he was a little confused why it would be phrased like this, because usually in Thai they'd phrase it a little differently. We were hanging out in person and unfortunately I didn't write it down, so now I don't remember what the way my friend said it's supposed to be phrased as was, but yeah, apparently this is odd phrasing. Which is why it's even more interesting to me that in episode 5 Fadel says this:

The real me might be scarier than you think. ตัวจริงกูอ่ะ อาจจะน่ากลัวกว่าที่มึงคิดก็ได้ [dtuua jing goo - àh • àat-jà - nâa gluua gwàa - tîi - mueng - kít - gôh dâai] real me - [particle] • might - scarier - that - you - think - [particle]

The wording is basically the same (yes, Style adds the word ของ [kŏng] (= of, from) before the pronoun, but this word is optional and the meaning stays the exact same) and it just makes me wonder if Style's words were written as a deliberate call back to the conversation in episode 5. Back then Style asked Fadel to fully open up to him and told him "I promise that no matter who you are, I’ll still like you". Except back then the message didn't fully reach Fadel, because the cards weren't all out in the open just yet. But now they are. Style knows who Fadel is and Fadel knows that Style knows who Fadel is. And Style has actually gotten to know even more sides of Fadel since that conversation from episode 5 took place. "Now that I know the real you, I love you for real." He loves the grumpy side that always yells at him, the badass side that takes down three grown men in a fight, the happy side that loves heavy metal music and putting on band make-up, the side that has a passion for cooking, and ultimately even the dark side that is capable of killing people without remorse, even if he has yet to witness Fadel actually murdering someone. He isn't scared of him, not even when Fadel is waving a gun around his head. Style loves all of what makes Fadel Fadel.

This, however, is the one truth Fadel does not want to hear, can't hear right now. When he yells "Shut up" at Style, it's the loudest and most aggressive tone he's had in this entire conversation so far. At the same time he also advances on Style, putting his leg up on the step and shoving the gun even closer to Style's head. The yelling and the movement comes so sudden that it actually startles Style. Fadel continues to speak out a threat: "Say you love me one more time, and you’ll be lying at the bottom of this pool." He even mimics a kick. Style complains: "Hey!" Don't kick me into the pool, the fuck!? "I mean it!" Or in his actual words:

I'm telling the truth! กูพูดความจริงเว้ย [guu - pûut - kwaam jing - wóiie] I - say - truth - [particle]

Style is starting to get a little stressed now. What's Fadel threatening to kick him into the pool for when Style is literally telling Fadel the truth just like Fadel demanded? He's been telling Fadel all the information he has, all that he knows but Fadel still won't release him. Instead Fadel just keeps threatening him. Style really doesn't feel like ending up at the bottom of an empty pool, especially not when his best friend is being held captive himself god knows where. All while Style is stuck telling truths that Fadel doesn't want to believe, despite having demanded to hear them. So Style throws Fadel a little reminder:

People who are about to die speak all of the truth. คนจะตายก็พูดความจริงกันทั้งนั้นอ่ะ [kon - jà dtaai - gôh - pûut - kwaam jing - gan táng nán - àh] people - about to die - [sentence link] - say - truth - all, every - [particle] Official subs: I wouldn’t lie with a gun to my head like this.

When people are faced with death they don't typically lie. They tend to speak the whole truth. So why the fuck would Style be lying now? Having this yelling match while being tied up and naked at an abandoned pool is getting really stupid now. It also won't bring Kant and Bison back. If the truth and the power of Style's love can't bring an end to this situation then maybe Fadel's concern and love for his brother will. So Style, still in a rather irritated mood, suggests a deal: "Untie me and I’ll help you look for Bison and my friend." But Bison is another vulnerable spot for Fadel, and just like before he reacts in anger, waving his gun into Style's face: "I ain’t stupid anymore. I don’t trust a word that comes out of your mouth." And for those of you who are curious about the literal wording:

Whatever the hell you're saying, I'm not listening to you. มึงพูดเชี่ยอะไรกูไม่ฟังมึงหรอก [mueng - pûut - chîia à-rai - guu - mâi - fang - mueng - ròk] you - say - whatever the hell - I - not - listen - you - [particle]

No matter what Style says, Fadel won't hear him. The previously annoyed and angered expression on Style's face falls and his eyes widen a bit. Oh shit, you're for real?

His words are his best and only weapon that Style has, a weapon that is essentially rendered powerless if Fadel refuses to listen in any way. I think this is the moment Style realizes that there is a good chance that he can't talk his way out of this after all. That he might be wrong about Fadel sparing his life. After all, Style once was also overly confident that Fadel liked him enough to not do him any harm only for Fadel to punch him in the gut and abandon him on the cold, hard ground in some random storage room. There is a good chance that Fadel will pull the trigger for real. Fadel continues to rage: "You chose the wrong man to fool, asshole."

I think this is the first time that Style is honestly afraid since the very beginning of the scene when it sank in that he was alone. Where before his "don't hurt me" was mostly annoyed, this time when he shouts "Fadel, no!" he is is genuinely scared for his life. He leans away from Fadel, his eyes squinted close as he waits for the likely life-ending shot. He can't see the way Fadel's hand is shaking. The shot doesn't come. Style opens his eyes again. The screen goes black and we are left to find out later how exactly this ends.

No. 9: Hitman Teerak

Fadel did not kill Style. And Style knows for a fact that if Fadel didn't kill him back at the pool then there is no way he's killing him now. Style can afford to be cocky again. All the fear from when we left him has vanished completely and he is back to his overly confident, charmingly annoying self. And he's also wearing clothes again.

Fadel is still pointing a gun at him, but Style doesn't give a shit anymore. In fact, he is very unimpressed. When he asks "Where are you taking me?", he sounds annoyed again, if not downright bored like a child that doesn't wanna do a chore their parent gave them. By the way, the Thai version of this is even sassier:

Where are you taking me to kill me? มึงจะพากูไปฆ่าที่ไหนเนี่ย [mueng - jà - paa - guu - bpai - kâa - tîi năi - nîia] you - will - bring, take - me - go - kill - where - [particle]

Fadel informs him that the place doesn't matter, because Style will die either way. Style sighs a tired sigh and closes his eyes. Fadel really is that set on killing him, apparently, huh? It's getting old. Fadel says: "But before I kill you, I have to see my brother." Style opens his eyes again and turns around to Fadel. He really is getting tired of this. "Do you know where he is?" Fadel says no, but Style needs to help find him. Then Fadel makes a vow: "Once I find him, I’m going to kill you both." Style hesitates, then decides not to fight Fadel on this. He's tired of fighting this stupid fight. If Fadel wants to be stubborn then alright, Style will yield. And so he exasperatedly agrees with Fadel: "I know I deserve to die." Then he turns a bit away from Fadel and says in a pouty voice: "Well, at least I won’t die alone." Style is sulking. Fine. Kill me if you must. But at least I will die side by side with a friend and it won't be a lonely death, I guess. It's the little things in life. He looks at Fadel again. Fadel squints. "Shut up and drive." Suddenly there is impatience in Fadel's voice which was so firm and resolute the entire scene up until now. Then, Fadel goes back to threatening Style with death: "One wrong move, I’m blowing your brain out." Style is severely unimpressed. Or rather, he is impressed but certainly not in the way Fadel would want him to be impressed.

Style knows he's got Fadel now. Any death threat from now on will be utterly meaningless. Fadel won't kill him. Style goes for malicious compliance, but makes sure he makes a big sassy and kind of flirty show out of it to demonstrate just how much not scared of Fadel and his tough guy act he is. Because that's all it is, by now. An act. An act that Style will go along with, if it makes Fadel feel better. "Kruuuub, Mr. Hitman." Yes, yes, you'll kill me, I got it. "I’m scared enough as it is, no need to threaten me." You really don't need to repeat your death threats over and over, I'm sick of hearing them, uh, I mean, just look how terrified of you I am. "I know my life is in the palm of your hand." You've been pointing this gun at me for ages now and I'm still here, alive and kicking. Yes, I really, truly am at your mercy and so very scared for my life. "Why don’t you just take a nap instead or something?"

The last line actually makes me laugh even more in Thai:

Why don't you take the time that you spend threatening me to take a nap instead? มึงเอาเวลาที่มึงขู่กูอ่ะไปนอนมั้ย [mueng - ao - weh-laa - tîi - mueng - kùu - guu - àh - bpai nawn - mái] you - take - time - that - you - threaten - me - [particle] - go to bed - ?

Threatening me is pointless. How about you do something more productive with your time? Ain't that an idea? Style ends his "Fine, I'll fold to your wishes"-monologue in our beloved iconic line: "I’ll drive you where you want me to go, my hitman-teerak." As stated before, I'm always ready to help you, my love <3

Fadel keeps a poker face and orders Style into the car. Style doesn't move, he just defiantly tilts his head and looks at Fadel like well, watcha gonna do to me if I don't?

Fadel loses his temper a little and yells at Style to get going. Style finally moves, but right before he turns he smiles as he looks at Fadel and his eyes are full of warmth and affection. He loves this man.

Halfway on the way to the car door, Style turns around again and throws Fadel another warm, amused, and very pleased smile.

He knows he's already won. Life couldn't be going better for him right now. Style gets into the car and Fadel follows. And off they go, driving into the sunset off on their little road trip to find Kant and Bison.

Once in the car, Fadel lifts his gun back up at Style's head. Style throws him a look. And we all know Style would have jumped Fadel and ripped all his clothes off right then and there if he hadn't been busy driving a car. Fadel lowers the gun again. Style keeps looking over at Fadel, which has me nervously scream look at the fucking road oh my god you're gonna die via a car crash if not by Fadel's gun. Fadel finally takes that nap that Style suggested. Style keeps driving. He is happy and content and very satisfied. Fadel may have put his walls back up, may be pushing him away and threatening him again like he did before they started dating, but that's okay. Style has annoyed his way into Fadel's life once before, he can easily do it again. Especially now that he actually knows Fadel, knows how to handle him, knows how to get through to him. And this time around the flirting is real from the start. And what's even better, what's the biggest relief of it all is that the big secret is now fully out in the open. It had been weighing Style down a lot, but now he can finally talk about it. They can finally talk about it. And now Style can finally hammer it into Fadel's head for good that he isn't scared of him in any way, that he really has embraced him with his hitman identity and all. Style won't have to allude to it anymore in the future, no, he can explicitly say it. And he can show Fadel that it's worth for Fadel to open up 100% to Style, that Style will stick by his side no matter what and that Fadel can absolutely trust him. Style will make him believe that he absolutely, undeniably, irrevocably loves him. Life is going great.

[fandomsfordays21]

My "Ink Sans" AU

So, I've had this idea for a while, but I'm sharing it now due to my mutuals @mrgrimreaper1 and @t3m1 encouraging me, and because they shared their own ocs. (Go check them out Sketch!Sans is pretty cool)

Basically, I was thinking a bit too hard about Ink's backstory, and I started feeling really bad about the others in his universe. This was especially true for his Papyrus, since he was the only other person in _____!tale that showed any form of emotions.

Then I got onto a train of thought about Ink's creator specifically. We know they dropped the idea of Ink's universe when drawing became a chore, leaving the sketches unfinished, but nothing else about them. I got to thinking, what if Ink's creator was to come back? What if they came back and finished I _____!tale after Ink was gone?

That brings us to Sketchtale, also known as the Completed Concept AU for those outside of the UTMV.

For the basics, Sketchtale is the universe that _____!tale was supposed to be, or at least a reworked version of it. The Creator, after a long while, rejoins the Undertale Fandom and decides to revisit their unfinished au from all that time ago. The name "Sketchtale" is meant to reference that it was left as a sketch for a long time.

Sketchtale is a universe based entirely off of art and multiple art forms, each area of the Underground being based off of certain mediums.

Ruins: Sculpture, carvings, engravings, mosaics.

Snowdin: Graphite and colored pencil, crayon, marker, charcoal.

Waterfall: Watercolors, paints of any variety, resin.

Hotland: Glassblowing, pottery, metalworking. (Art done with/using technology is also found here, but it's more common around the CORE and is not the main art medium.)

New Home/The castle: Knitting, sewing, crotchet, quilt and clothes making.

I'll make posts about individual characters later, but Monsters as a whole have some unique qualities that are important to know.

Monsters in Sketchtale have colored SOULs, with each monster having 1 or 2 unique colors. These colors are not Traits, like they are in Humans, and are instead types of Magic. Each color has specific abilities, with having more than one color being both rare and powerful. (Most bosses in the game have dual-colored SOULs.) A monster who has absorbed 7 Human SOULs gains a special, incredibly powerful SOUL type, called a Prism SOUL or God SOUL, that can use all colors at once.

A Monster's Magic will express its color(s) by binding to one or more specific utensils or mediums, which will be used in battle. (Imagine every Monster in Sketchtale as having their own Broomie, or having the specific paint magics.)

I'll have a separate post with diagrams and charts once I draw them, but I hope this post is clear enough to understand. This is just a very basic rundown of the AU, so if anyone has questions or wants specific details about Sketchtale, my askbox is open.

This is kind of a half-baked idea for now, so things are open to change and I will have to finish developing certain details and characters, but I'm willing to keep working if you guys like this idea. I have a lot of cool stuff planned for the Sans (Doodle) and Papyrus (Sketch) of this au and some angst ideas that I'm excited to share, so stay tuned!

[bunkahi]

Sorry to write such a lengthy reply, but when I see an opportunity to deep dive about ffxiv, I take it. Before reading any of this, know that I don't think you're wrong, nor is your preference to more grounded writing. I honestly kind of agree that final fantasy needs to steer itself back to it's older writing a little bit, but I think ShB is a huge exception to this rule. Tl;dr ShB is 98% a metaphorical narrative that is meant to be the exploration of a silent protagonist's trauma, both experienced and witnessed.

The reason why for ShB's two dimensional world is because ShB is meant to be more metaphorical story telling than direct and realistic. While the events are all canon, every piece is chosen deliberately to tell a narrative of grief and the ways one overcomes it. The story doesn't exist to tell the environment. The environment exists to tell the story.

The protagonist is taken from the middle of a horrific war to a completely different world. One that is still bleeding from a natural disaster of untold proportions. One full of fear, loss, and so much pain. Already, this environment lends itself to a looser narrative, as it is mostly unbound by the rules and conventions of all that comes before it.

The main villain of the narrative is a character who refuses to move on from a similar tragedy as the first. An entire world lost in a blink of an eye. Everything he knew and loved warped beyond recognition. He represents the negative method of coping with tragedy by glorifying and living in the past.

Eulmore represents valuing momentary bliss in blindness. Instead of using their wealth and resources to better the world and themselves, something that is hard and takes effort, they would rather indulge until the end crashes around them.

The WoL also represents a negative way of coping within the narrative, putting too much upon themselves with little to no help. Though they have comrades surrounding them and accept their help in certain ways, they do not inform them of the poison that festers inside as the Warrior attempts to handle what is considered to most impossible. The Warrior's friends notice this change in Warrior, but they can only do so much to help. Little by little, burden by burden they fall apart.

The Warrior breaks as they are told that they have no fight left to fight. No life left to live. Everything they've done to this point was fight for others, even as the pain of it festered within them. If they can't handle the burden of that pain, if they can't continue the fight, why are they alive? Emet-Selch tells them that the light will not be denied. Rise up in madness and fury.

But Ryne, the character who we know has struggled with suicidal ideations, who has struggled with purpose and identity, the only one who has been able to help the Warrior maintain themself tells them to hold on. There they ask themself, if you had the strength to take another step, could you do it?

The Warrior accepts the help of others. Accepts that they must share this burden to have the strength to bear it. Just as Minfilia stated: "Not even the most valiant heroes can stand alone. Only together may you change the fate of two worlds."

In conclusion all of ShB (and Endwalker honestly) is meant to represent what humanity can accomplish should they accept grief and aspire to overcome it in a manner that is healthy and lasts, even should it be a struggle. Hence why Eulmore changes so drastically, and why those of the lower class are willing to accept it, especially when they're already proving to take steps in the right direction (fixing the elevator and trying to stop Vauthry).

And just to put this out there since I hear this a lot, I personally don't find the change of Eulmorean citizens to be that unrealistic when you consider: 1. The habitable world is currently the size of a dorito chip

2. That these are all people who were working until just recently. Vauthry's complete rule over Eulmore is a recent development all things considered.

3. They just lost their main method of control (Vauthry and sin eaters). The Eulmorean army is canonically on the useless side. With no way to maintain power over the dorito chip, it is only natural for the wealthy to cut their losses and attempt to maintain what they have, even if it means adapting.

4. Even with everything said above... these motherfuckers still didn't change that much all things considered lol. None of them wanted to take charge and unanimously voted on Chai Nuzz dealing with it.

Anyways, I could say a lot more, but I'm tired and this is already probably too long and unsolicited as is... even if this abbreviated because there's actually a lot more I could say about the Warrior, the burden of light, and their strong connection with Ryne. The only other thing I will say is that despite what others say, I do believe this was 100% planned and intentional since 2.0, at least vaguely. I will say that a lot of the hints of this though are lost in localization. But some still remain if you look out for them, mostly surrounding Midgardsomr, Hydaelyn, Elidibus (the one most lost in localization), a lot of HW, and optional content that involves the Garland Ironworks.

Anyways, if you read this, thank you for coming to my tedtalk.

ok replaying ARR RIGHT after being done with the dawntrail MSQ really shows how sanitized and two-dimensional the world has become over time

[fandom-lover2]

Dirty Mirror

Chapter Two - Holding Tight

Word Count - 2363

-image not mine-

Chapter One - Lost and Found

Chapter Three - Shot of Clarity

Optimus sat in the hospital room, foot bouncing nervously as he waited for news on your condition from June and the doctor.

 Ratchet was pacing the room before him, practically pulling his synthetic hair out.

June had brought you here at sunset. It was now morning. Had you been in surgery this whole time? Were you still alive?

No, he couldn’t think like that.

You were alive, because you were strong. You needed to be strong, for him. He needed you to be alive.

 Another earthly hour passed before the Nurse finally emerged from within the hospital to update the bots in the waiting room. June made her way to the men, both standing and taking long strides to meet her in the center of the room.

“Well?” Ratchet asked.

“She’s… stable.” June took a moment to collect herself, tears gathering in her eyes. “The damage she sustained is server. Three broken ribs, bruised lungs, shattered collar bone and fractures in multiple parts on her arms and legs. Almost as if she was crushed by a giant hand.”

The nurse looked at Optimus with an underlying rage for a moment before continuing.

“She’s got a gash on her forehead but a few stitches handled that. The biggest concern is the large fracture at the base of her skull. It is close to her vertebral column. It’s honestly a miracle she isn’t permanently paralyzed.” The nurse wiped the tears from her cheeks, taking a deep breath. “I don’t even understand how she managed to get off that table, let alone move.”

The nurse looked back at the Prime and this time didn’t bother to cover the accusation in her glare. “Why was she scared of you?” June asked, crossing her arms and looking at the Prime expectantly.

 Optimus ducked his head. That was the same question that had been on his processor since he left base.

“I do not know.” he managed out softly, spark heavy.

“Can we see her?” Ratchet asked, interrupting the tension and guilt.

“She’s sleeping now. The anesthetic from the surgery is still in her system and the doctors are thinking of inducing a medical coma to help her heal. I think it would be best if you both left.”

Optimus closed his eyes. He’d failed, as a guardian and an Autobot, and now the person he cared most about was suffering. And he couldn’t even be there to help you.

 “I’ll send updates to Jack and he can pass them along.” The nurse continued.

Then, with a final hateful glance at the Prime, she turned and headed back into the hospital.

Optimus was vaguely aware of Ratchet leading him back toward his alt mode and assumed he drove back to base because the next thing he remembered was sitting on his berth, feeling cold. Finally in the confines of his berthroom, away from prying eyes, he let his guard drop and freely expressed all the emotions he’d tried to keep locked away.

-------

For the next nine days, the base was silent. No chattering kids or music being played from phones and tv blasting the latest show you kids had become obsessed with.

Ratchet tried to distract himself with work, focusing on trying to track down M.E.C.H and make them answer for the pain they had caused the team.

The rest continued with daily patrols and scouting missions, but those no longer felt important.

The remaining children didn’t talk. They just sat on the catwalk, trying to make it seem like they were doing something. Raf spent a lot of time on his computer, also hoping to find the militia group.

Optimus… changed. He wouldn’t leave his berth, not even for Energon. He just stayed hidden in that dark room, frozen.

He’d seen you go through a few of these before. You’d called them ‘depressive episodes’ and while he’d had a few himself, he never understood how yours went on for so long. Yes, he had supported you, but he never understood when you said that it felt like it would never end.

Now he understood. He understood how it felt like to have everything and nothing flowing through his processor faster than he could comprehend, yet having no will to try make sense of the chaotic noise. And for the first time since he met you, he really understood what it meant to see no hope.

How it felt to feel no hunger, no desire to move, tired but not able to rest. He felt nothing but pain, and fear and empty.

The worst part of it all, of all the quiet, was that only one thought seemed prominent in everyone’s minds: Why was the one you had always felt the safest around now the object of your fear?

-------

On the morning of the tenth day of your medical coma, June Darby phoned the base.

Over the course of the past week and a bit, Jack had been the liaison of your condition but he was at school today.

Was the news that urgent that she needed to tell them immediately? The old medic prepared himself for the worst as he opened the comm. “Nurse Darby?”

“She’s awake.”

And then, the called ended.

The only time Ratchet had ever moved so fast on Earth was when he has using the synthetic Energon. Bolting down the halls, he didn’t even bother to knock before slamming Optimus’ door open.

The Prime was sat at the edge of his bed, looking down at his servos with an unreadable expression as silent tears leaked from his optics.

Optimus lifted his helm, and Ratchet’s presence was all the words he needed. Hot on Ratchet’s trail, the older bots transformed and raced out of the base toward Jasper.

June met them at the doors to the hospital, a weak smile on her tired face.

“Tell us everything.” Ratchet requested, eager to get inside and be with you.

“She woke up about an hour ago. She’s obviously in a lot of pain but we’ve given her some morphine to combat that.” The nurse’s face then fell. “She’s still really scared, and won’t talk to anyone about what happened.”

That was not what they were hoping to hear. But you were awake, and that in of itself was something to be grateful for.

“Can we see her?” Optimus asked softly, voice so weak he surprised himself.

The nurse grimaced. “Right now she needs a calm environment so she can heal. Seeing you might trigger her again.”

Optimus’ spark clenched and he dropped his head.

“But Optimus can stand outside while I talk.” Ratchet spoke, starting to make his way into the hospital.

June just sighed in reply, following the bot inside while Optimus trailed behind.

“She’ll need to stay here for a few more days. And once she can leave, she won’t be able to do much alone.”

“Yes well, once she’s back at base there will be plenty of people to help her.”

June stopped outside a room and turned to the mechs. “Are you sure she’ll want to go back?”

Both bots dropped their gazes. The thought had crossed their minds that you might never want to have contact with the team again after what happened to you. They prayed you would come home.

June knocked on the door softly and opened it. The sound of steady beeps that kept track of your heartbeat soothed Optimus’ racing spark just a fraction.

“I’ve got a visitor for you.” June explained, gesturing for Ratchet to follow her inside.

As soon as he came into your view, the beeps picked up speed and Optimus heard the rustle of your sheets. “No, please. He can’t be here.” you tried to scramble back, having no regard for the pain.

It took all of Optimus’ willpower not to charge into your room.

You were so scared, and it broke his spark that he couldn’t comfort you, because for some reason he seemed to be the cause of your pain.

“Optimus isn’t here.” Ratchet lied.

That stopped your movements but the steady rhythm was still off beat.

“I wanted to come see how you were doing.” Ratchet explained in a calm voice, and Optimus heard his friend sit on the chair no doubt placed at the side of your bed.

“Fine.” you mumbled, offering no more.

It was silent for a long while, and Optimus had to clench his fists and bite the inside of his cheek as a way to fight the urge to burst into the room.

“You wanna know what happened.” Your voice was rough, yet breathy at the same time.

Optimus recognized it immediately, this was your ‘holding back tears’ voice.

“Only if you are ready.” June answered.

 It was silent a moment more before you took a deep breath and began. “I was in the hanger, and Silas was there. He asked where the base was. I refused to tell him and then he left. It took a while but then… Optimus came.” Your voice broke. “I tried talking to him but… he wouldn’t listen. He just kept coming closer.” A sob left you and the Prime felt his spark fluctuate. “He-he grabbed me and began squeezing, hard. I begged him to stop but he wouldn’t. Then, he threw me at the wall.” You sniffed then, a few unsteady breaths leaving you as you tried to hold yourself together.

“And you’re certain it was Optimus?” Ratchet asked, as confused as the bot in question was.

Optimus had been in the base, anxiously waiting for any information regarding where you were. He had an entire base full of witnesses. So how had ‘he’ attacked you?

Oh Primus.

Just thinking of hurting you made his frame shudder. But then, the fury settled in.

Someone, no, humans who looked like him had attacked you, taking away the sense of comfort and safety he had always given you and twisted it into fear. The energon boiled in his frame as he thought of all the ways he could make those humans pay.

“He looked kinda dirty. And his optics were yellow. But it was him. His frame, his servo, his voice.”

Your words faded away as quiet sobs overtook your body. But that little bit of information was all they needed to understand. Silas had used Nemesis Prime to attack you.

You’d never actually seen the human remake of Optimus so you wouldn’t have entirely know what was happening at that moment when fear filled your body. That didn’t mean your guardian would be able to forget those terrified eyes that stared back at him as you tried desperately to get away from your enemy.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at Optimus again.”

-------

After your… spark-wrenching statement Optimus had gone to the waiting room, trying to drown the world out. He knew Ratchet would be explaining to you about Nemesis, but that wouldn’t change the fact that it was his faceplates you saw when the bot was killing you.

While Optimus waited, he thought back to all the memories he had of you and him. Times when you would lie beside him on a hill somewhere and stargaze, or when you played songs from your phone during outings. His favorite memories were by far when you would teach him of Earth and its people.

It was at those times he didn’t need to be a Prime, because you only saw him as Optimus. He could openly express his emotions and unload the weight he carried. You’d listen without hesitation, keeping your focus solely on him. Those moments would be the ones he missed the most, getting to be himself. But if only being the leader was what you needed, then that is who he’d be.

Ratchet came staggering into the waiting room a long while later, looking lost. He sat down heavily beside the Prime. Neither spoke, not for a long time.

“She’s knows of Nemesis.” Ratchet broke the silence after the weight of it became unbearable. “She understands now that it wasn’t you.”

“I still won’t be going to her.” Optimus voiced his decision.

Ratchet turned to his leader in surprise, but kept his mouth shut. He knew there was no way to convince Optimus otherwise.

“She’s resting now if you want to see her.” The medic said softly, standing. “I’m heading back to base to let the others know of her condition.”

The Prime nodded, watching his friend walk out the hospital and toward his alt mode. Once Ratchet’s ambulance was out of sight, he stood and began making his way to your room.

Optimus opened the door as quietly as possible and slipped in, gasping at what he saw.

It would be quicker to name the body parts unbandaged than those covered in the white cloth. A small tube was connected to your nose, no doubt giving you additional oxygen. The beeping on the machines was once again steady and your breathing was how it usually sounded when you slept. An IV was connected to your arm, giving you a clear liquid.

What Optimus wasn’t prepared for however, was how weak the whiteness of the room made you look. Even with your head turned away from him, he could see how sunken your cheeks were and the dark circles under your eyes, despite the fact that you had been sleeping for over a week.

Looking down at you now, for the first time ever, he saw you as fragile. He didn’t see the strong being who he himself looked up to, but saw the young girl he’d allowed to be hurt because of his inability to protect those he cared for. He didn’t see the human who carried burdens as if they were feathers and smiled in face of danger.

What you had said was for the best. Not being around Optimus would keep you safe. And no matter how much it hurt him, he needed to let you go.

Reaching out a shaking hand, he made a reach to take your own smaller one but stopped. Retracting his hand, he turned and moved back toward the door.

“Goodbye, Little One.”

Tags: @ameryhn

[cheesy09]

[CN] Kiro's Bubble Date

🌸 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for a date that hasn't been released on the EN server yet! 🌸

[Note: This date was translated with the help of Google Translate :>]

——*:･ﾟ✧——*:･ﾟ✧——

[Part 1]

The date starts with MC impatiently waiting out in the corridor for Kiro to return home.

Apparently, while filming, the wire to which Kiro was attached to accidentally broke. Fortunately, Kiro had only just been lifted into the air, so all he did was sprain his left leg and receive a few minor scratches. So the crew gave him two weeks off to return to Loveland to go through some rest and rehabilitation.

After a few more minutes of waiting, an elevator arrives at the floor and both Kiro and Savin step out, with Savin busy supporting Kiro. It doesn't take long for Kiro to notice her.

Kiro: Miss Chips, I'm back~

My anxious heart finally settles down. Watching him attempt to take a step towards me, prompts me to step forward and grab onto his arm.

MC: Walk slowly!

With a small "hmm", Kiro takes me into his arms.

Kiro: It's not as serious as you make it out to be. I did an emergency roll when I landed, so it cushioned a lot of the impact.

Kiro: Quite the reaction time, don'tcha think?

Joking in a lighthearted tone, Kiro casually winks at me, as if this really is something not worth worrying about.

Savin frowns and sighs.

Savin: Don't be so stubborn. When I got to the emergency room, your costume was completely drenched in cold sweat.

Savin: MC, let's help him sit down first.

Kiro: .....

Both MC and Savin take Kiro to the living room and he reluctantly lets them, seating himself on the sofa.

After placing a small bag of topical medicine on the table and explaining the dressing change process several times, Savin leaves.

In the silence of the room, MC unbandages Kiro's wound and finds that the skin on his ankle is bruised and swollen, with the wound slightly turned outward.

I purse my lips in anguish, take the medicine out of the bag, and hear Kiro speak in a low voice.

Kiro: I'll do it myself. It just looks bad, but it doesn't really hurt that much.

MC: Come on, if it's as simple as you say, the crew wouldn't have given you so many days off.

I mutter to myself as I watch him skillfully roll up his trouser and squeeze the ointment onto the cotton swab.

When the brown-black ointment touches the wound, his ankle trembles almost imperceptibly, but his tone remains brisk.

Kiro: ...I'm not going to lie to you, I don't have any problems with walking. I'm just a little slower than usual.

Kiro: I guarantee I'll be recovered within the week.

I helplessly look up and gaze into his bright eyes.

MC: Obviously you're the one who's hurt, so why are you comforting me?

Kiro: Well... Because I know you're worried about me.

His sly eyes reveal the comfort of being loved, and he raises his hand to prod the corner of my pursed lips.

Kiro: I haven't seen you for the three weeks and two days that I've been filming on set.

Kiro: Now that we are finally reunited, I don't want to see you always in tears, with that constant worried look on your face.

As he says this, his eyes stare at me without blinking, as if afraid that I wouldn't be able to hold back my tears.

Kiro, this idiot...

Bitterness and warmth blend together in my heart. I breathe silently, suppressing my sadness, and try to raise my lips.

MC: Since it's a request from the wounded, I accept.

Kiro: Hmm? If I have something else I want to do, will you agree to that as well?

MC: Certainly.

Kiro: Then I'll have to think about it carefully...

Kiro says in all seriousness, his eyes incidentally sweeping across a corner of the living room, and his voice pauses.

Kiro: Why is your suitcase... are you going somewhere?

I dismissively say "Oh" and unroll a few new bandages.

MC: Do you still remember that popular TV show "The Sound of Rain"?

Kiro: Yep. Even though we hadn't doubled the speed, we still managed to watch six episodes in one night.

MC: Well, the screenwriter for that show is hosting a script writing training session and has invited many veterans from the industry.

MC: I had previously signed up for it and was supposed to leave tomorrow morning.

Kiro nods as he scrolls through the tab, his voice rising a few notes.

Kiro: That's awesome; a director who has won a Best Feature Film Award and many other experts from the Film Academy coming together to exchange ideas...

MC: I'll ask them to cancel my participation in a moment!

Our voices simultaneously intertwine.

The air stills for a moment. Kiro parts his lips, as if wanting to say something, but comes up empty-handed.

I don't ask any further questions, but carefully wrap the bandage around his ankle a few times before speaking in a light-hearted tone.

MC: Don't think too much about it. I hadn't submitted the final confirmation receipt yet and was still thinking about it.

MC: And this isn't the only time I'll get such an opportunity. Perhaps I'll even be able to meet even more important guests next time~

Kiro: ......

Kiro's eyes flicker for a moment, and he quickly nods. Then he turns sideways and picks up his phone from his bag, frowning a bit.

Kiro: ...Is my battery dead already? I still haven't told the director that I'm okay yet.

Kiro: Miss Chips, could I borrow your phone?

MC: Just take it.

I stand up and move to put the medicine away. A moment later, I hear the person behind me give a satisfied hum and uncapping the bottle of juice from the table.

MC: You told him so quickly?

As I say this, I turn around and watch him calmly hand me the phone.

Before the screen went dark, I caught the words "Confirmed attendance" show up on the training course's login page.

I am left slightly stunned, but eventually understand his unspoken thoughts.

The sound of tiny bubbles in the carbonated drink bursting in the air is akin to my complex and delicate emotions at the moment, causing my throat to close up.

MC: Kiro, I...

Just as I'm about to speak after organising my words, I feel a warm sensation on my wrist.

Kiro places his drink aside, lifts up my hand, and presses it against his cheek, caressing it with a smile.

Kiro: Didn't you say that you would agree to all the requests of the wounded?

Kiro: MC, seize this opportunity and participate with confidence.

Kiro: The next time we meet, I will have fully recovered.

——*:･ﾟ✧——*:･ﾟ✧——

[Part 2]

MC: ...The physiotherapist is supposed to come home every day to help you with rehab. If you feel uncomfortable, don't force yourself to do it and ask him to adjust the training intensity.

MC: I've kept the medicine on the bedside table. The note in the bag has the dosage and frequency written on it; and...

My list of instructions are like pebbles, causing the person on the other end of the line to laugh.

Kiro: Mm, you reminded me several times last night, and my memory is pretty reliable, y'know.

Kiro: Hurry up and get on the plane. I can hear your name being called over the intercom.

I reluctantly hang up the phone, hand over the ticket to the flight attendant, and walk onto the corridor.

After some time, MC's plane takes off. As she's about to reach the city, she overhears a couple of flight attendants whispering amongst themselves about some traditional chinese ointment that relieves pain.

When MC is about disembark from the plane, she asks the flight attendant to give her details as to where she can buy the ointment that they mentioned.

The flight attendant writes down the address on a piece of note paper and hands it to her.

After exiting the terminal, MC pays a visit to the pharmacy and sends the medicine back home, after which she texts Kiro about it.

However, she receives no reply. When she decides to call him, no one picks up the phone, and then MC immediately starts to get worried.

MC: ......

I purse my lips, and a terrible inkling suddenly passes through my heart.

The physiotherapist would be arriving to train him at any moment now, and since Kiro is aware of the time, it's impossible that he'd still be sleeping.

Then why...? Did he get into some trouble? Did he fall down?

Several news reports on "accidental injuries while living alone at home" flash through my mind. I decide to give Savin a call and ask him to come over to take a look.

But just as I am about to anxiously open my call logs, I suddenly think of something.

Some time back, I had installed several cameras at home to keep an eye on Apple Box and Cello... At the moment, this should be our fastest solution.

After a brief moment of hesitation, I uneasily open the app. A circle on the interface rotates for a moment, and several windows pop up.

The living room, kitchen, entrance hall... all are found empty. I scroll down, and my fingertips suddenly stop.

In the steamy bathroom, Kiro lazily lounges in the bathtub, his handsome eyes revealing a hint of relaxation.

Seemingly a little bored, he casually scoops up a handful of bubbles from the bathtub, his long legs casually draped over the edge.

MC: [blushing] .....

My heartbeat quickens. Just as I'm about to close the app after making sure that he's safe, I see him turn his head and whisper something to Apple Box as he walks by.

Kiro: ...Are you thinking about her too?

Kiro: But there are still two weeks till that course ends.

Apple Box whimpers coquettishly, and Kiro lets out a soft laugh.

The sound of it enters my ears through the receiver, causing them to itch for some unknown reason. I also find the rate of my heart starting to race.

I suppress the heat that starts to overwhelm my face, and continue listening as he speaks.

Kiro: Are you asking me?...I don’t know what she is doing now either.

Kiro: It would've been nice if we could put a small camera on top of her head.

Kiro: That way, no matter where the other person is, you'd always be able to see them when you miss them.

The few bubbles on his cheeks burst and are brushed away. Crystal clear drops of water trickle down his forearm.

He straightens up as if he couldn't care less, and lets the outline of his chest bathe under the wet sunlight.

Kiro: Isn't that right, Miss Chips?

As he speaks, he blinks at the camera and blows up some foam in his hand.

The floating bubbles shimmer, displaying a rainbow of colors, like a light dream, each of which reflects the contours of his figure.

MC: [blushing] ....!

My ears flush and I quickly close the app. Only then do I realize that he must have noticed that I had the camera turned on.

The beat of my heart is akin to bubbles, popping and restless.

With a ding, the sound of a notification on my phone suddenly chimes in. I take a glance at it and the temperature of my cheeks rises again.

Kiro: I didn't have my phone with me just now. Don't worry, MC, I'll make sure to sign for it.

Kiro: PS: I had all the cameras at home cleaned carefully. You're welcome to open them at any time.

——*:･ﾟ✧——*:･ﾟ✧——

[Part 3]

In-depth reading of scripts, story analysis, film history... After days of reading, my notes get thicker and thicker.

After finishing up another day of classes, I return to my room with a heavy heart. I sit at the table and flip through my notes, but am unable to write anything.

At that moment, an invite for a video call from Kiro suddenly pops up on my phone.

-[On video call]-

Kiro sits on the floor, holding Cello's paw and waving it at me.

Kiro: Cello is here to say good evening! Please accept this late night greeting~

Concealing my feelings, I smile and tap the screen.

MC: ....Accepted. Then Cello, please tell me, has the person next to you been resting well?

Kiro puts his ear close to Cello and nods seriously amidst the meowing.

Kiro: It said that Kiro's been living a very regular life recently and his health is recovering quickly.

Kiro: After doing a few more sets of movements, today's rehab training will be over~

MC: [worried] Why do I feel like the amount of training has been increasing more and more lately...?

As if he didn't hear my last words, Kiro moves closer to the screen and glances at the open notebook on the table.

Kiro: It's already this late, and you're still rushing to finish your homework?

MC: The professor who was supposed to teach the history of film development has been temporarily replaced by another one, who's way more strict.

Kiro: No wonder you look so sad.

Kiro: Let’s connect our microphones and cheer each other up, then.

I nod and watch Kiro walk a few steps away and start to move his arms.

My headphones suddenly grow quiet, followed only by the sounds of my pen sliding against paper and his breathing as he exercises.

The faint sounds diffuse into the night, as if gently tapping my heart through my eardrums.

MC: .....

I write a few lines, and helplessly purse my lips as I look at the screen. Kiro ties the elastic band around his feet and stretches them one by one.

A hint of sweat oozes out of his cheeks, glowing slightly under the light.

The hand holding the tip of my pen tightens slightly. I stare at Kiro's scabby ankle, and hear him speak.

Kiro: Hmm? Why is MC distracted again...

Kiro: Haven’t had enough rest recently?

MC: ...I'm fine. Compared to realizing my dream, this bit of trouble is nothing.

Kiro: So what is it that's got you so down in the dumps?

I am left slightly stunned. Kiro stops what he's doing, props his chin with one hand and looks at me earnestly.

Kiro: I've noticed that you've been worried for quite a while now. Not only has your writing been intermittent, but your lips are also pursed together so tightly...

I remain silent for a moment, then lean onto the table and sigh softly.

MC: Do you remember what I just said, about the teacher of film history that's been replaced? In fact, he too was reluctant to give up this exchange opportunity.

MC: But his daughter was soon going abroad to study, and this was the last time he could spend time with her before she left. After spending much time weighing the pros and cons, he finally gave up on this opportunity.

I pause. Kiro doesn't urge me. He just looks at me earnestly and attentively.

I find my troubled mood silently soothed by his gaze, and I speak in a low voice.

MC: Although I feel sorry for him, I also understand why he made such a decision. Adults have many concerns when taking a step forward.

MC: There are always times when you are caught in a dilemma and have to weigh the pros and cons before you can come up with a compromise. So I still can't help but wonder...

Kiro: Wonder what?

The voice in my ear is so soft that I feel compelled to lower my voice as well.

MC: ...Was my decision to attend this training course really the right one? Am I being too greedy to want it all?

MC: I want to make good use of this learning opportunity, but I can't help but worry about you.

MC: Are you taking good care of yourself every day? Is your leg really no longer in pain? Or are you only telling me what I want to hear and none of the bad stuff so I won't get distracted?

MC: It's like I'm running back and forth on this road. I can't let go of either side, but I can't be satisfied with being on just one side either...

My voice grows lower and lower, and I hear a helpless hum through my headphones.

Kiro: If I were to audition or take up acting lessons, would you have stopped me, Miss Chips?

MC: Of course not! It would be your chance to get one step closer to your dream.

I reply subconsciously. The person on the screen raises his hand and taps his phone, as if tapping my head from a distance.

Kiro: Like you, I too want to see the one I like walk to a more dazzling place.

Kiro: I'd be angry if you gave up the opportunity to grow for me.

Kiro: After all, two people are together to make each other better, not to constantly hold each other back and make compromises.

His voice falls into the warm evening air, carrying with it a soothing lull.

Unable to stop the warmth that fills my heart, I feel the corners of my lips curl up slightly.

MC: I get that in theory...

MC: But in practice, we'll encounter all sorts of problems.

Kiro laughs softly, and his serious question comes through my headset.

Kiro: For example? Let Sir Kiro listen and see if he can help you resolve it.

I turn my head and poke his cheek through the screen.

MC: For example... every night before I go to sleep, I miss you very much.

Those blue eyes flash. Kiro lays on his side on the bed, and looks at me through the screen, just like we usually do when we fall asleep holding each other.

Kiro: I don't seem to have a solution to this problem yet.

Kiro: Then tonight, I'll sleep with you, just like this.

——*:･ﾟ✧——*:･ﾟ✧——

[Part 4]

The next morning, MC wakes up to find that her phone showed that call lasted for 246:51 minutes, even though she and Kiro talked for only 2 hours after laying down on the bed together yesterday, until she fell asleep. Which means that Kiro cut the call long after she fell asleep.

A sweet feeling wells up in my heart, and I walk to the sink, sending him a message while brushing my teeth.

MC: I fell asleep yesterday without realizing it and seemed to have forgotten to say good night.

The next second, a big smiling bear pops up on the chat interface.

Kiro: No worries~ I just had an unexpected gain.

Kiro: I found a stray cat "making noise" outside the door and and managed to catch it on the spot.

Along with his voice, a photo of him and the cat comes into view.

The number on the door panel behind him... Was that my room number?!

I am left stunned for a moment, then quickly move to open the door and come face-to-face with Kiro's smiling eyes.

He leans against the door frame, his slender figure outlined by the morning light, forming a slightly glowing silhouette.

Kiro: Now, you can say good morning to me~

MC: [worried] ...Why did you sneak over here instead of resting up at home?

Even as I say this, I can't stop myself from quickly taking him into my arms, sensing the beating in my chest quicken a bit.

The person I think about day and night is right in front of me. Simply spending another moment just looking at him makes the corners of my mouth curl up helplessly.

After Kiro walks into the room with his suitcase, he winks at me fearlessly.

Kiro: Because last night my girlfriend said this to me: "Every night before going to sleep, I miss you very much."

MC: ...You didn't have to fly here just for that! Aren't you worried that your injury will get worse?

I raise my voice slightly and nervously look at his wound.

Noticing my gaze, Kiro leans back into the sofa and casually shakes his ankles.

Kiro: Don't worry, you see, it's almost recovered!

MC: Come on... A certain someone said something similar when Savin brought him back.

Kiro and I look at each other for a moment, and then he lets out a long sigh.

Kiro: It seems that Miss Chips won't feel at ease unless I let her examine it for herself.

Kiro: Then I'll go take a shower first. I'll let you check the condition of the wound later.

Kiro says as he walks into the bathroom. After the metal switch makes a brief sound, the faint sound of water can be heard.

I pull his suitcase to the corner and place it next to my suitcase. Just as I am about to turn around, I hear a crash in the bathroom.

MC: ...What happened?

No echo comes from the bathroom, and even the sound of water stops. I stand there for a moment, but am unable to keep myself from walking into the bathroom.

The misty heat hits me in the face, and water marks twist and turn on the dark floor. Behind the misty shower curtain, a familiar figure is vaguely visible.

MC: Kiro? Are you okay?

Kiro: .....

Unable to hear his voice clearly, I step closer to the bathtub, and in the next second, his palm suddenly latches onto my wrist. Kiro pushes the shower curtain aside, chuckles and shakes his hand that is clasped with mine.

Kiro: That's not good. Have I become someone so fragile in your eyes, MC?

MC: You are a wounded soldier right now, the situation is different...

A few strands of wet hair stick to his cheeks, and the bright light reflects in his eyes, granting them a mischievous glow.

Kiro: You should be able to see it clearly now.

Kiro: How am I recovering? Do you want to see for yourself?

His wet fingertips grasp my arms and then slowly move down to my waist.

Fearing that I might touch his wound, I am left with no choice but to lean towards him to close the distance between us again.

Kiro: I got the go-ahead from my physiotherapist before I left.

Kiro: Appropriate activities now will not affect my body, but will help me recover, so don't worry.

Warm foam surges between us. I purse my lips and gently brush his scabbed wound.

MC: The original treatment plan was for two weeks... Is it really possible to start this early?

Kiro: Probably 'cause my physical fitness is different from regular people? During rehab, I managed to do a little extra.

He downplays it, as if it's just a trivial matter that one need not pay any attention to, but the message is made clear to me.

All the training that he'd been doing late at night during our previous video call finally makes sense now.

I blink and pinch his face helplessly.

MC: Honestly... It was already a hard enough plan to follow as it was.

Kiro: Maybe. But the producer MC said something that I think makes sense.

The voice beside my ear grows softer, and the faint smile on his lips makes my heart beat faster for some reason.

MC: ....What?

Kiro: "Compared to realizing my dream, this bit of trouble is nothing."

Kiro: What I long for most during this period of time is to be by your side.

The misty water vapor gathers again. My figure is vaguely reflected in those eyes, preventing me from looking away.

A warm current surges from my heart. I can't help but raise my hand and touch his cheek.

MC: Then now, in this moment, my dreams have come true as well.

As our breaths intertwine, I release my arms from their place at the edge of the bathtub and gently kiss him on the lips.

The arms behind me tighten, and in a daze, I seem to hear a satisfied sigh, but I have no time to pay it any mind.

Our longing for each other after this long separation, the joy of our reunion, and the subtle throbbing ache in my heart, all melt into this increasingly deep kiss.

The warm water rises, and the swaying foam and current soaks us through.

Until every place is finally imbued with our breaths.

[END]

——*:･ﾟ✧——*:･ﾟ✧——

Masterlist: Here

[lucy90712]

First ultrasound

Gavi: 

The first ultrasound of my first pregnancy is something I thought I'd be excited about but I'm more nervous than anything. It has been a few days and the fact that I'm actually pregnant has finally sunk in but it feels even more real now that we are going to doctors and will see our baby on the screen. Pablo has been looking forward to this appointment since I booked it especially because I promised him I'd make it at a time when he could come with me. Seeing him so excited should make me less nervous but it really doesn't I just keep wondering if his attitude will change once he realises what is actually happening and how much our lives are going to change. 

Pablo's training session went on longer than expected so he had to rush home and pick me up so we could head straight to the doctors. He was beaming from ear to ear the whole drive while he held my hand and stroked the back of it to provide me some comfort. Even when we were in the waiting room his hand didn't leave mine which helped calm my anxiety a little as I knew I had some support. When the doctor called us in I had to answer a few questions and they did a few basic tests before finally I was told to lay down ready for the ultrasound. Both mine and Pablo's eyes were glued to the little screen as the wand moved across my stomach until the doctor got the image she was looking for. There wasn't much to see but seeing the little dot on the screen somehow made me feel so much better about everything. I felt even better when I looked at Pablo and saw that he had tears in his eyes just like I did. 

He insisted that we get some pictures because he wanted to keep them which only melted my heart more. Both of us were on cloud 9 as we left because not only did we get to see our baby for the first time but the doctor said that everything look perfect and that I was extremely healthy too. We were given a due date in May which Pablo wrote in big letters on our calendar the second we got home just to remind us of when our lives will be changed forever. 

Pedri: 

The day of my first ultrasound has finally arrived. When I first called they couldn't get me in for a few weeks but those weeks have flown by and now it's time. I've been looking forward to this day since finding out I was pregnant and I'm hoping it will help everything actually sink in as it doesn't quite feel real yet. All I have to show that I'm pregnant is the positive pregnancy test but I'm hoping that getting to see our baby on the screen will put things into perspective and everything will feel less superficial.

I woke up really early this morning as I was just so excited but that meant a lot of waiting and most of that time Pedri was gone as he had training so I didn't even have anyone to talk to about my feelings. Pedri met me at the doctors as that's what worked best for us and we walked in together to fill out a load of forms to register me under these doctors for the rest of my pregnancy. Once I handed them back in I was told that the doctors were running late so our wait may be longer than usual. Any normal day this would be fine but today I was so full of excitement it was hard to sit still especially watching everyone else come and go looking at their own ultrasound pictures. 

Finally we were called in and the doctor got straight on with everything she needed to do including blood tests and general health checks before we could get to the ultrasound. Looking at the screen as the cold gel was spread around my stomach was magical as I could see the tiny blob on the screen that in just a few months will be our baby. Pedri held my hand even tighter than he already was as we both stared at the tiny thing we created. We were given a few pictures and told that my due date is in February which doesn't feel that far away but I'm sure as I get further into my pregnancy time will start to drag. 

Jude: 

The process of getting my first ultrasound has been a bit stressful as I made the appointment at a time when Jude would be able to come then they rescheduled his training session right at the time of my appointment. He didn't want me to change it as the next appointment was a few weeks away and he didn't want me waiting just because of him. The idea of having to go to my first appointment alone stressed me out as I know I'll be getting looks from people and I was hoping Jude would be there to help me take everything in as I know I won't be able to process it all. 

When I woke up this morning I expected Jude to be gone as he always leaves for training early but instead he was laying in bed next to me fast asleep. Then I saw the time and panicked as he was going to miss training so I woke him up but he just shushed me before explaining. He woke up early thinking he'd go to training but he decided that he just couldn't miss my appointment so he said he was sick and couldn't go to training when he went back to bed. Hearing him say that made me tear up a little as he will almost definitely get in trouble for skipping training but he did it for me and our baby that a few weeks ago he didn't think he wanted. 

We went to the appointment together and by some luck went straight in to see the doctor who was so lovely. Jude asked a lot of questions wanting to know more about what this whole process was going to be like as he doesn't have any real knowledge of pregnancy outside the basics. The doctor answered all of his questions and gave us a list of books she recommended we read which Jude most definitely won't read but I will. She then finally did my ultrasound and said everything looked perfect which settled some of my nerves. She then told us that my due date is in November which of course had Jude thinking about the football season and the games that might be on then but he then promised me he'd miss any game to be with me which was reassuring. 

Joao: 

I had to wait for my first ultrasound as Joao and I had a trip away planned and then he was travelling with the team but eventually we were back and I could make the appointment which was really exciting. As Joao is the only one who knows about the pregnancy he has been subjected to listening to me talk about how much I'm looking forward to this ultrasound for weeks but luckily he seems just as excited as me. Just the idea of seeing our baby for the first time brings me so much joy and excitement as I think it will make it all feel so much more real. 

Joao had to make an excuse to leave training a little early to come with me but he didn't really care he wasn't going to miss this appointment. He tried promising me that he would miss any appointment but I told him not to say that as we just don't know what will happen in the future but I appreciated the sentiment. When we arrived at the doctors and sat in the waiting room we were definitely the youngest couple there which made me feel a little insecure. I know we aren't super young but I just felt out of place and I didn't want to be judged by everyone in the room. Joao must've sensed my sudden apprehension as he made sure to grab my hand and hold it tightly while distracting me by showing me funny tiktoks which really did take my mind off things.

Eventually we were called in but Joao's hand didn't leave mine which I think was partly to comfort me but also himself. It was a bit stressful as the doctor struggled to find a heartbeat to begin with which made time drag as every second felt like an hour but eventually she found it and did all the necessary checks but everything was perfectly ok. She apologised for the scare before telling us that I'd be due in April meaning we have a spring baby on our hands. 

Ruben: 

My first ultrasound is something that has been causing me a lot of anxiety. I thought I'd be excited but because I have been waiting for this moment for so long I'm just so scared. I don't know what I'll do if something is wrong I don't think I could handle that after struggling to conceive for the past year. I know Ruben is nervous too but he has been keeping his feelings to himself as he's been trying to reassure me. I really appreciate him trying to make me feel better but the only thing that is going to put my mind at ease is seeing the doctor and getting a professionals approval. 

At the appointment we were sat in the waiting room and I've never felt so sick from nerves in my life. There was so many other women there with their bumps and big smiles while I probably looked like I'd seen a ghost. Ruben tried talking to me to distract me but I couldn't say anything my mind was far too preoccupied. Instead of wasting his breath Ruben pulled my hands into his lap and got me to rest my head against his shoulder which helped me relax a little. When we were called in Ruben had to help me up and have an arm around my waist as without him my knees wouldn't given way from under me or I just wouldn't be able to move from the intense anxiety I was feeling. 

Ruben spoke to the doctor and explained our situation which led the doctor reassuring me that everything will be fine before she even did any tests or anything which settled my nerves a little. As she did everything she told me the normal levels and then what mine were which helped me feel so much better as I was right in the normal range for everything. Then we got to the ultrasound and nothing has ever made me feel more at ease than hearing our baby's heartbeat while seeing them on the screen. Ruben and I wanted to have some pictures to keep so the doctor printed us some while telling me that my due date was in October.

[totthoughts]

BakuDeku Fic Recs: Bakugo Love Izuku

Basically, Katsuki-centric fics where he loves one Izuku Midoriya. Izuku loves him back, of course, but majority (of not all) of the fics below are told from Kats point of view.

Let me know if any of them make you melt!! I’m also thinking of taking recommendations, I read a lot of fics so I’d likely have something in mind for everyone (hopefully).

While You Were Sleeping: 71.1k words; The one where quirkless fanboy Midoriya Izuku rescues Pro Hero Todoroki Shouto, gets mistaken as his fiancé while he is in a coma, and gets caught up in the most unlikely fake engagement... until his childhood enemy and Todoroki's classmate Bakugou Katsuki tries to catch him out, and they both end up discovering a lot more about each other than they'd expected.

Quirkless AU based on the film; endgame BakuDeku. -- Katsuki didn’t know when the change had happened: how he had gone from asking why Todoroki chose Deku of all people, to wondering why it was Todoroki that Deku chose. Troublesome Deku, who cooed like an idiot at cats, tripped at a random catcall and sang badly. Who, despite everything, proved that it wasn’t the quirk that defined a person. Deku, who was too much, not his, and undeniably off limits to begin with.

this was a slow burn worthy of my time!!!

todoroki is very precious and understanding (what a king) and bakugo is emotionally constipated as per usual

Insatiable: 3.9k words; Katsuki finds himself standing at Izuku's door, battered by feelings he'd tried so hard to pretend weren't real, and shit- He's about to make a mistake, isn't he?

more story than dialogue (sorry dialogue lovers)

the feels they feel for each other are just…chefs kiss

Curse the Way to Heaven: 3.5k words; Midoriya actually knows how to swear, and Bakugou gets turned on at the simplest moments.

an aggressive take on their love for one another, but the love is very much so there

My eyes are damps from the words you left: 6.8k words; And in a last burst of strength Izuku managed to lift his arms and wrap them around Katsuki’s neck, “I love you,” he hadn’t written it in the letter, because he’d known Kacchan would rip it as soon as he’d read the words, but he’d thought about it since, how he hadn’t been able to let ‘I love you’ be the last words he told his childhood friend, the love of his life. “I love you so much, Kacchan, so much.”

“What’s going on?”

“I think he’s delirious from the pain, help me lift him up.”

Kacchan moved away, and someone made a sound that lifted the hair at the nape of his neck for how painfully heartbroken it sounded.

“Fuck, I’m here, I’m here.” Kacchan was immediately back at his side. “what the fuck, Deku,” he whispered, shaky, holding onto Izuku tighter.

Only then did Izuku realize, the sound had come from him. “Kacchan, I love you.”

“Stop that,” Kacchan snapped, “Stop making it sound like goodbye, you piece of shit.”

Izuku laughed. Or maybe he cried harder, he wasn’t sure of anything anymore.

the summary makes the fic seem war-centric, but the part about the war i very brief

inko is a gem we must treasure <3

I Never Knew Daylight Could Be So Violent: 6.2k words; “My body is doing this on its own!”

Hands reached for him, yanked his mask off, scratched at his face, pulled at his hair until chunks came off.

“I’m sorry!” they were crying.

“It’s okay,” Deku said, letting himself be taken under. “I know it’s not your fault.”

And then.

Like a meteorite streaking the sky in red and orange, like a secret wish come true, Kacchan was there.

Deku felt his eyes widen as he took in the golden brightness his childhood friend was bathed in, like he held the purest form of sunshine beneath his very skin.

literally touched my soul

izuku is in serious need of some TLC and katsuki’s is there to pick him up whenever life gets to be too much

[emsdevs]

Bear and Bug 3: The Distance

a/n: Here is the much-awaited pt 3!! We have a feature from Jack and a glimpse into his friendship with Bug!! Enjoy :)

It didn’t take Quinn long to get back in your good graces, and soon, it was like nothing had happened between you two at all, well, not exactly nothing. Calls between the two of you were significantly more lovey-dovey, and they always ended with a soft “I love you” from each of you, which would have never happened before. The biggest difference, though, was the intense longing you now had to see Quinn. He was right about you only spending time with Jack until it was basically too late, and now you feel like you wasted a lot of time that you could have spent with your new boyfriend. Quinn often assured you that it was okay. He’d promise that summer would come soon enough, and you could spend plenty of time together then. 

You couldn’t really believe him, though, because that directly conflicts with the most difficult part of your relationship. Neither of you have spoken a word about it to Quinn’s family, or yours for that matter, and Jack was at the top of the “not telling” list. You and Quinn had decided it was best to keep your romance to yourselves for the moment, not wanting to cause any drama if the distance didn’t work, so you’ve been biting your tongue on every phone call with Jack, trying to keep your mouth shut about it. If you were being honest, the guilt was starting to creep in. He was already having a really tough season, what would he think if he found out his best friend was dating his older brother behind his back? How much worse will it be if he finds out months from now? You weren’t really keen on keeping this secret from Jack in the first place. You two tell each other everything, so you knew he’d be hurt when he eventually found out. However, it was that fear of hurting him that kept you from letting him in. You didn’t want to add to the emotional turmoil he was already in. He had been calling you almost nightly at this point, crying and telling you that he wasn’t even sure he enjoyed hockey anymore. People had been calling him a bust all season, and it was getting to his head, making him wonder why New Jersey would draft him in the first place. After hearing how distraught he’s been all season, you knew you couldn’t add to that.

“I just don’t know what to do,” Jack sighed into the phone one night. “Am I even right for this team? Would I be right for any team?” his voice began to break.

“Jack, no,” you let out a breath, shocked that your confident, easy-going best friend was feeling down enough to doubt his talent, his skill. “I’ve known since we were kids that you were destined for the NHL. The skill that you have is amazing, not to mention the hockey knowledge you have and the way you can read a play. You just have to get adjusted. It’s a big thing to deal with, and the people who know you, the people who matter, aren’t blaming you or getting mad at you. It’ll come. I promise.”

“I guess,” he trailed off a little, still sounding kind of broken. “Can you just get my mind off of it, please? What’s going on with you? You talked to Quinner recently?”

Your eyes widen, grateful that he can’t see your face, “Uhh, yeah, we talked a couple days ago I guess. Why, um, why do you ask?”

“You guys just seemed close at the beginning of summer, and he mentioned something last year about you guys talking quite a bit while you were both at school,” his statement almost sounded like a question, curious as to why you sounded a little panicked. 

“Oh yeah,” you chuckled trying to sound more casual, “we did get kind of close then.”

“Yeah,” he dragged the word out a little, “so, um, anyway, how are your classes going?” Jack changed the topic, assuming you were acting weird because of stress or something similar. The phone carried on as they usually did, you spilling nonsense to distract Jack from his NHL stress and Jack gladly listening to whatever stories you have for him, grateful for the distraction.

Your calls with Quinn, however, weren’t always that happy anymore. It suddenly seemed like the calls weren’t enough, that neither of you could keep going on two-hour phone calls every other day. 

“Bug, I know it’s difficult, but you could at least act like you’re happy to talk to me,” Quinn was trying, really he was, but he needed you to put in a little effort too.

“I am excited to talk to you. I promise, Bear. I just,” you pause, knowing you’ve had this conversation too many times to count at this point, “I just really wish I could see you.”

Quinn sighs, knowing exactly how you feel, “I get that, I swear because I’m dying to see you again too, but I have no clue when that could happen until summer.”

“What’s your schedule like in December? I could come to Vancouver on my Christmas break,” you had been thinking this for a while, too scared to bring it up until right now.

“Well, we have a home stand right before Christmas. Could that work?” you already knew it could.

“I think so, yeah,” you breathed out a sigh of relief, happy Quinn agreed so easily.

“Okay, I’ll get you a plane ticket for the 16th.”

“Bear, no, I can get my own ticket,” you argued.

“Nonsense. I finally have an excuse to spend my money on my girlfriend. I’m gonna use it. I am wondering though, how are we gonna deal with Jack?” 

“I’ll just tell him I’m on a girls’ trip to Vancouver, so I won’t be able to Facetime, only call or text,” you answered, probably a little too quickly. You really already had all of this completely thought out.

“Okay yeah, and I can just keep you out of the screen if anyone Facetimes me,” Quinn agrees, already sounding happier knowing he’d get to see you in just a few weeks.

Two and a half weeks later, Quinn was picking you up from the airport in Vancouver. When you both got back to his apartment, it was like everything fell into place. After a much-needed reunion, and an even more needed nap, you helped Quinn make dinner. Before you knew it, your week with Quinn was almost up, and you’d be leaving the next day. The two of you were spending your last night together curled up on the couch watching cheesy romcoms. Halfway through “10 Things I Hate About You”, your thoughts got the better of you. 

“Bear?” you question softly, awaiting Quinn’s response. 

“Yeah, Bug?”

“We’ll be okay, right? Like we’ll be able to handle the distance and the secret?” you can’t help but let the doubts creep in. 

“Of course we will,” Quinn starts. “We just gotta remember the times like this when we can’t be in the same place. We can’t let the distance get to us, so we have to look forward to when we can be together. If we focus too much on how sad we are when we’re apart, we’ll never be able to be happy together. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah, it does. I don’t know why I was worried anyway. As long as I’ve got you I’m good,” you lean up to place a kiss on his jawline. 

“Yeah, I’m good with you too, Bug,” he returned the action, kissing your forehead. 

It would all work out, eventually.

[literaryavenger]

PARTNERS In CRIME - ch. 2

Summary: Desperate to see Thor and Bruce together, you make a plan and try to recruit Bucky.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Swearing. Teasing. My poor attempts at being funny. Bucky being a flirty little shit. Not much for this one either.

Word Count: 4.2K

A/N: Yes, I've already broken my one-chapter-a-week goal. 2025 is kicking my ass barely two weeks in... I'm hoping it goes better from here on out.

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

You walk to your mechanical engineering class next, which you take alongside Bucky and Tony. When you get to the mechanics lab, Bucky's already there so you take a deep breath before sitting next to him, your conversation with Steve still fresh in your mind.

“Hi, Bucky.” You say as casually as you can, trying to get the conversations you had with both Steve and Bruce about Bucky out of your head.

Bucky looks up from the project he’s working on when you sit down next to him. “Oh, hey.”

You try not to make eye contact as you take out your notes from the previous classes about the project you’ve been working on, and Bucky, ever the perceptive one, seems to take notice.

He sets down the screwdriver he’s working with and turns to face you, raising an eyebrow. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah.” You quickly reassure him but suddenly a thought pops into your head. “Actually…” 

“You're pretty close with Thor, right?” You ask him while turning your body completely towards Bucky, your own project forgotten. “I mean, we're all friends and hang out together, but you're like close, right? Like football-players-teammates-comradery-and-all-that type thing?”

You move your hands around while you talk and you realize that you sound and look a little crazy, but you know the football team is close, that's why they work so well together, and they also spend a lot of time talking in the changing room about everything, love interests included, something you could use to your advantage in setting up Bruce and Thor.

Bucky just snickers as he listens to you talk, thinking about how adorable you look right now. He thinks it's really cute how you move your hands around while you talk and how you get all excited talking about all this. 

“Yeah, I would say that we're pretty close.” He smiles a little. “I mean… we're teammates after all, we have been since freshman year.”

He leans back in his chair, crossing his arms in front of his chest with a curious grin. “Why? What's on your mind about Thor?”

“Okay, I know there's a tactful way to ask this, but I can't think of it.” You deadpan before just coming out and asking directly. “He's gay, right?”

Bucky's surprised by the way you just ask that so directly. For a split second, he feels like telling you no just to mess with you, but he stops himself. Instead, he just nods. “Yeah... he is.”

“I knew it!” You say victoriously. “He's into Bruce, right?” You ask Bucky excitedly.

Now Bucky is really surprised by how direct you're being about this. Though, to be honest, he can't exactly tell you that you're wrong either. He just laughs for a second as he thinks.

“Yeah, I would say that he's… you know, interested in Bruce.” He leans in a little. “Why are you asking me all these questions?”

“Because Bruce likes him too.” You say even more excitedly now, but leaning in a little and lowering your voice so nobody else overhears you. “He's just too shy to say anything. For a genius, he's way too clueless when it comes to these things to see that Thor likes him back.”

You lean in more, talking conspiratorially with Bucky with a grin. “So we are gonna help them get together.” You say confidently, not even bothering to ask him if he's in and deciding yourself that he's gonna help with your plan.

Bucky can't help but smirk at your confidence. He can always get behind a good love story, and this seems like the perfect opportunity. But he’s still gonna tease you a little. “Oh, are we now? How do we plan to do this then?”

He's curious as to what you have in mind now. Especially since you didn't even ask him, you just decided for both of them. Though, he has to admit, knowing both Thor and Bruce, it does seem like they would be perfect together… And he could help make his friends happy by helping you.

“I don't know yet…” You admit sheepishly before quickly adding, “But all we have to do is get them talking. They've never actually spent any time alone together, so we just have to make sure they do.” 

To be honest, this might be a ‘two birds with one stone’ situation. You really do believe Thor and Bruce would be great together, but now you also have the opportunity to spend more time alone with Bucky. Maybe you can even try to find out if Steve was right after all.

Bucky chuckles at how simple you’re trying to make this sound. He knows all they really need is a push and you and Bucky could do just that. He seems to like this idea of yours a lot now.

“Yeah… that's all we have to do.” He raises an eyebrow. “So… How do we do this? Do we just tell them to do something together alone? Or do we have to be more subtle about it?”

“Obviously, we'll have to be a lot more subtle than that.” You chuckle, turning back to back to your engineering project. “It'll come to me.” You say confidently and start working on your project while the gears in your head start turning as you try to come up with a plan.

Bucky can't help but find your confidence hilarious, but he also finds it really cute. He chuckles as you say that it'll come to you eventually.

“Oh, right… I’m sure you’ll get it. I just have one question…” He grins mischievously. “Are we gonna set aside some time to discuss this plan of ours?”

He's definitely teasing you now, but he also means what he's saying. He'd love to have some more time alone with you and have you all to himself, even if it’s just for a little bit.

You glance at him and can't help but smile because he wants to spend more time with just the two of you, which almost never happens.

“Yeah, we can… We can strategize sometime.” You say while chuckling, internally cringing as you realize how ridiculous you sound.

Bucky looks away for a second, hiding his grin. He thinks you're so cute with the way you talk and how you act when you cringe at your own words. There is not a single ounce of negativity in him when he decides to tease you further.

“It sounds like we have a plan.” He grins, his voice playful. “You can be the genius in the relationship… and I'll just be the guy that looks good by your side.”

“You want to be arm candy?” You tease him back with a grin. “I thought you were going to be the muscle, why do I need you then?” 

Bucky chuckles at that, clearly having so much fun with you. “I mean, you don't need me. But, I am the one who's hot, right?” 

“Excuse you, Mr. Football player,” You fake being offended. “but some people think I'm pretty hot too.” He grins, loving how witty you are and how you never back down from his teasing.

“Oh, did I hit a nerve?” He chuckles again, teasingly and shaking his head at your response. “You're not bad looking yourself, but I'm sorry, I'm hotter. I mean, I do spend time in the gym, after all. My body is more sculpted than yours.” He says with a smug grin on his face.

“Well, now you're just bragging.” You chuckle. “Although I am a cheerleader so I'm probably much more flexible than you.” You say with a grin, testing the waters by flirting a little with him.

Bucky leans back and he can't help but smile, enjoying your flirting and not about to miss this opportunity. “Oh yeah, you're probably more flexible. But, I’m sure I have more endurance when it comes to physical activities.” He grins. 

“Besides, it doesn't matter…” He leans in slightly, testing the waters himself. “because if we were going to get into something, I bet I could win you over without breaking a sweat.”

You giggle despite yourself, looking away from him and back to your project to hide the faint blush. “Yeah, you wish, Barnes.” You say, trying to appear confident.

Bucky can't help but laugh at your response, but he can hear the doubt in your voice when you say it. He thinks it's pretty adorable how he's made you flustered now and how your guard is already down a little bit.

Not even trying to be subtle this time, he leans in more, intentionally invading your space a little bit more. 

“Oh yeah?” He's clearly trying to flirt with you and test your limits here. “How do you know that I couldn't win you over without breaking a sweat anyway?”

“When did you get this confident, James?” You tease him, trying to subtly change the subject and starting to regret initiating the flirting as you try to keep hiding your blush.

But you’re actually curious about the answer. Bucky's always been shy and closed off, when did he start openly flirting with you like this? Was Steve right, does Bucky like you and your dumb ass just never noticed?

Bucky feels almost taken by surprise by your sudden use of his first name. It feels new, he's definitely not used to hearing you, or anyone for that matter, call him that, even just teasingly like this. He doesn't quite show you how he feels, though, just chuckles and then looks away.

“I've always been confident, you just never noticed, I guess.” He's pretty good at hiding his emotions and he says this casually, but he's feeling a lot of things right now. Things like excitement, joy and hope, all things he's not used to feeling.

“I've known you for almost three years and I've never seen you act like this…” You point out quietly, pretending to be more concentrated on your project.

Bucky simply shrugs. “Well… I guess I've never had much reason to be this confident around you before…” He chuckles weakly, though he’s still hiding his emotions well. 

However, that doesn't mean he's lying either. Bucky has liked you for a while now, and he’s always had a hard time feeling confident around you. He has no idea where all this confidence is coming from, either. Maybe it’s because you started flirting first, maybe it’s because you looked so adorable to him while talking about Thor and Bruce and he just couldn’t hold back anymore, or the way you actively seeked him out to help with your plan. It doesn’t matter… He's trying to play it all off casually, but his emotions are running wild right now.

“We've been friends since freshman year,” You have a small frown now, your voice still quiet but you don’t look up at him yet. “why would you not be confident around me?”

Bucky thinks about this for a moment before speaking. “Well… We've never really spent time just the two of us before. It's always been with the whole group. So I never really had a proper opportunity before…”

He hesitates for a sec, trying to pick his words carefully. “I guess… I just wasn’t sure that it was okay for me to actually flirt with you and be openly confident around you…”

“And… Now you are?” You ask slowly, still looking down at your project and tinkering with a screwdriver but your attention is fully on Bucky.

Bucky hesitates for a moment, before he finally answers your question with a small smile on his face. “Yeah.”

He leans in, deciding to relax a bit while watching you tinker with your project. He's not ready to admit how much he wants you, but he's certainly enjoying being in this moment with you. He leans in a little more, still invading your personal space, but being more casual and relaxed.

You don't say anything for a long moment until you sigh softly. “You're staring, James.” You point out, your eyes still on your project as you’re now trying to concentrate on it.

Bucky chuckles a little at that, realizing that, yeah, he has been looking at you for probably too long now. 

“Yeah, yeah. I am… sorry…” For a moment, he lets himself check you out openly. 

He hasn't had much of an opportunity to do that, but he's enjoying himself. You look pretty hot as usual, but he’s not gonna tell you that.

“And yet you're still doing it.” You say with a small grin, your eyes never leaving your project.

You can feel him staring and you’re starting to feel amused at his antics. You hate to admit it, but it's kind of flattering having Bucky openly and shamelessly checking you out.

He chuckles. He knows you know he's checking you out right now, he’s doing nothing to try to hide it. He knows that, with every glance he takes, you feel his gaze on you and it's definitely not going unnoticed by others either as he’s completely forgotten about the project he’s supposed to be working on. He likes that you're amused and that you're not yelling at him to stop.

He leans in closer. “And yet you don't stop me…” He whispers into your ear.

Your hands stop suddenly, his comment catching you off guard for two reasons: One because of how close he suddenly is and two because he's right. 

You’re not stopping him and you don't want to stop him. Not only do you like him, but it also feels weirdly validating that out of all the girls that have been drooling after him since freshman year, he's chosen you to flirt with, even if it’s taken him three years to do so.

Thankfully before you can do or say anything you’ll regret, the bell rings and class is over. 

You gather my tools and get up then, against your better judgment, you turn back to Bucky. “You wanna walk together to meet the others for lunch? Talk about our plan to bring Thor and Bruce together?” You ask as casually as you can manage.

Bucky has a small grin because he knows that he has won you over a bit more. You still seem a little flustered even if you’re trying to hide it, he's definitely invaded your space more than he’s ever done and he's still got you talking to him. Not only that, but now you're willingly wanting to keep talking as well.

“Yeah… sure.” He answers calmly. He hides all his excitement well, he's playing it cool. He also realizes that he might have pushed it a little too far and needs to take it down a bit.

“Okay, so… I'm thinking,” You start with your plan while you leave the classroom and walk to the cafeteria. “You ask Thor to hang out, I ask Bruce to hang out, then the four of us ‘coincidentally’ bump into each other, so we decide to all hang out together.”

It's not exactly getting them together alone, but baby steps.

Bucky thinks this over for a second. While he likes the idea of the four of you hanging out more, he would've preferred to have them alone. Still he does enjoy the fact that he'll be spending more time with you with this plan.

“Yeah... that can work.” You arrive at the cafeteria. “So… when do we want this to happen?”

“Saturday Tony's planning that party, so if we do this on Friday, then we can find a way to leave them alone together at the party on Saturday too.” You point out with a mischievous smile while you get your food before walking to the table where almost all of your friends already are.

Bucky nods. Friday sounds like a good time to do this so that, by the time of the party Saturday night, you’ll know whether or not they'd really be good together.

“Yeah, this plan could actually work.” Bucky whispers to you before he sits down with the rest of the group and eats his food. 

He's definitely still thinking about his short time with you today and how he's enjoying spending time alone with you. And he's definitely not trying to hide the fact that he's smiling like a moron now.

“Hey T, why weren't you in class?” You ask Tony as you sit down since he missed the mechanical engineering class he usually takes with you and Bucky. Not that you minded spending the class alone with Bucky.

Tony glances at you, thinking it's pretty cute that you missed him being around in class. But he tries to avoid your question. 

“I… had something come up.” Tony responds. You can see he's clearly lying as he looks away. “Okay…” You say slowly, dragging out the word while looking at him suspiciously, but don’t push it. He'll tell you when he's ready. So you turn your attention to Nat and Wanda. 

“Do we have to go to cheer practice today? I'm already exhausted. You think anybody will notice if I'm not there?” You say playfully. 

Wanda and Natasha both smirk a bit and Wanda answers you as she chuckles. “I think people will notice the head cheerleader missing… but it's probably fine for you to skip one day. You're allowed to do so, it's only really the freshmen that have to go to practice every day.”

Nat nods as well, before adding. “God, do you remember how hard it was to do cheer practice everyday freshman year?” 

“How did we get through that?” You agree with a huff, thinking back at all the training you used to do. Now in Junior year you have less practice because you have more and harder classes and it's still exhausting.

Nat and Wanda both chuckle at your response. “Yeah, sometimes I look back at my days of freshman year and wonder ‘how did I even survive that much physical work?’” Nat shakes her head a bit.

Wanda laughs with her, shaking her head as well. “We did so much training back then… all those hours… all that hard work.”

The three of you chuckle together, reminiscing about it all.

“To be fair, we had some motivation.” You say playfully while grinning. “We got to watch the football players during their own practice.” You nod towards the guys while making no attempt to not be heard, wanting to tease them a bit.

All the guys suddenly turn towards you as you tease them, but they say nothing. Most of them roll their eyes playfully at your flirty comment, except for Steve and Bucky. All of them are already used to your teasing, Steve simply chuckles and shakes his head while Bucky… 

Bucky actually blushes a bit and looks away from you. He's clearly enjoying the attention, though he's keeping it cool for now. He's always enjoyed your flirtatious teasing, although he never thought anything of it since you tease all the guys in the group just the same. You really don’t mean much by it.

But after your flirting during mechanics, Bucky can’t help but wonder if maybe you think of him a little differently than the others.

You, Natasha and Wanda are giggling at the guys' reactions, always enjoying teasing them, when you're then joined at the table by Bruce, Clint, Thor's younger brother, Loki who’s a Sophomore, and Wanda's boyfriend, Vision.

Vision does a quick wave as he joins the table and sits next to Wanda, while Clint gives you a quick hug and a smile as you chuckle at him as he sits next to you. To be fair, you haven’t seen him since yesterday at lunch.

Bucky looks over at the two of you so you subtly wink at him and see him grin before you go back to your conversation with Nat and Wans.

Bucky chuckles softly, the smile still on his face as he takes into account that you actually just winked at him, his grin only widens the more he thinks about it. 

And nobody fails to notice. This is such a far cry from the Bucky they’re all used to… the one who’s so shy and closed off, barely talks, and only really gets comfortable around the guys on the football team. Now he keeps on grinning and, though only you know why, the rest of the group can’t help but wonder what suddenly has him in this uncharacteristically good mood.

After a bit more chat, the whole table falls silent as you all eat our food and you can’t help but think about how surprisingly well you all get along. As much as you're all friends, you're also a large group of very different people.

Everyone is silent for a moment, seemingly lost in their own thoughts, which is fairly new. Normally, with a lot of these guys, it's never quiet if not for a few seconds. However, it's strangely silent until Natasha clears her throat and asks a question.

“So… anyone have any plans for tomorrow night?”

“Tomorrow's Wednesday, Tasha”. You point out and she looks at you weirdly so you elaborate with a playful eye roll. “We can't get drunk on a school night.” You say, already knowing where she's going with her question.

Natasha laughs at this and nods her head back at you, knowing that you understood perfectly what she was getting at. “Okay, I get what you mean… but what about Friday night? Anyone have plans for Friday night?”

You and Bucky exchange a look since that's the night you want to start your secret plan to bring Thor and Bruce together, but can't really say that out loud. So you quickly look back at Natasha and subtly change the subject. “Aren't we getting all together Saturday night for Tony's party?”

“Yeah, we are…” She shrugs, “But… does anybody have anything planned for Friday night? Not a party, just us hanging out?”

Bucky's eyes quickly shift over to yours again and you subtly shrug at him, trying to come up with a quick lie. 

“Bruce and I have to study.” You say quickly, knowing damn well it's a lie and it's gonna weird Bruce out a little, but he'll go along with it because he knows you and you guys always study for your chemistry class together so he'll just assume that's what you’re talking about.

Natasha simply nods. She and everybody else at the table are pretty used to your busy schedule so studying, even on a Friday night, isn't entirely surprising. After all, you've always been such a hard worker. 

Even if Bruce does know that you and he didn’t actually talk about studying on your own, he still doesn’t find it odd to hear that you are.

“Well… have fun studying with Bruce, I guess.” Natasha says with a playful eye roll.

You shrug and chuckle at Natasha before looking back at Bucky and glancing a few times between him and Thor, silently telling him to make up a believable lie that Thor will go along with for which the two of them also can't hang out with the group.

Bucky thankfully takes the hint and immediately jumps in, though he also gives you a quick wink as he does so just because. 

“Thor and I are going to a movie.” He says casually and Thor looks over, seemingly surprised by this, but he doesn't say anything other than a shrug as he looks back at his food.

You hide a smile at Bucky's quick lie, impressed that he made something up that Thor didn't even bother to say no to, but also slightly flustered at his wink even if you wouldn’t admit it. 

The conversation goes on and everyone else makes plans to get together and hang out while leaving out you, Bucky, Thor and Bruce, everybody seeming to accept the answer that you four are busy on Friday night. 

The conversation continues for a little longer before you all finally finish eating and you ask “What class do you have next?” to no one in particular.

You know Steve, Wanda and Bucky have art class with you, but you’re curious to know what everyone else is doing next.

The entire table answers your question: Nat has photography, Clint and Tony have biology, Thor and Pietro have history, Vision and Bruce have advanced physics, and Loki has a free period. 

This prompts even more back and forth about their classes, you all talk about what class they have next until Steve makes a quick suggestion. 

“Hey, why don't we go study in the library after classes?” He asks the group. “We could all study together for our exams coming up.”

“Sure, but we have cheer practice at 5.” You say pointing at Natasha and Wanda, but you also know the guys have football practice, also at 5, so you get an idea. “We could all go together after studying.”

Everybody at the table nods their head and agrees that you can all go and study in the library after class so you can help each other and then walk together to practice at 5. 

You notice that Bucky and Nat seem to have a very mutual grin between them at this idea and you frown a little, but think nothing of it as you all get up from the table and walk out of the cafeteria together before going your own ways.