#and while that looks pretty on the surface for me at least posting poetry on instagram feels different bc people know me

[windvexer]

"And it's not like the spell is locked behind a glass wall in some faraway astral space (or at least, it shouldn't be... it can be. This is too much for one post, let's stay on topic)" oh please, please elaborate! 🙏

its all well and good for me to use a metaphor that magic is ever-present and really close at hand, nigh tangible, even,

but there's obviously more than that to successful manifestation.

like it's an actual large deal in practical sorcery of how the hell you get the spell to do something, or much more relevantly do what you want it to do.

so a while ago I used to talk on manifestation using a metaphor that there is a conceptual sphere of glass that separates physical reality from magical reality.

as the metaphor (analogy?) would have it, you can set intent and focus willpower and manipulate astral energies all you want, but those things are stuck in magical reality, blocked from manifesting in the physical world by the glass.

so the spell, obviously it's a good boy and it wants to be helpful, it's going around and around the glass looking for a crack or a foothold to find its way into physical reality.

but this spell is made out of a finite blob of energy. sooner or later, the battery is going to run dry. and all that time it's spending trying to get into our world is burning energy.

by the time it gets here, it could have burned a lot of energy and it doesn't have a lot left to produce strong results. or maybe it doesn't find its way at all.

if this is all true, then the solution is to make cracks in the glass yourself.

overall it's a pretty rough analogy and I'm not even terribly sure if I'd consider it to be more than a parable at this point.

to mash this idea together with the underwater shark thing, the concept would sort of be like...

okay, so let's say metaphorically half of a person is above water and the rest is underwater.

and we're where there are sharks, which means the WHOLE OCEAN is under there.

maybe the ocean is an elegant metaphor for the supreme depths of magical reality. certain layers of magical reality are very close to the surface and truly are interacting with the floating humans, right?

but we can go deeper, and deeper, and deeper.

it wouldn't be true to say that a fish from a mile down is touching the floating humans. it's actually really far away and has a long way to travel before it could touch them at all.

so hypothetically, while all humans are (hypothetically) always partially within magical reality, that doesn't mean that everything within magical reality is close to them or can easily access them.

and this would also be true of spells, when the sorcerer has inadequately developed the spell too far down (or too far up), or failed to properly draw the spell to the surface.

of course, all of these ideas assume it's true that when spells are created they exist somewhere far away, or in any location at all.

just to clarify I think all of these ideas are most useful when treated as thought exercises and not in any sense literal. I think its perhaps true of witchcraft, or at least the kinds of witchcraft I'm familiar with, that one of the witch's primary sorcerous (and mystical) jobs is to "bridge the gap" and learn how to bring things back and forth between our world and the spirit world.

but even that being said, I think there's an element of mysticism in sorcerous witchcraft. I think maybe the best way to talk about it is in stories, or extended spatial analogies, because that's just about the truest way some of it can ever be written down.

sometimes I feel like if anyone can really write it down, like step-for-step for real, then it's got to be one tiny part of it. because it's a big machine out there, you know. it's so decadently complex that it might be more alive than we are.

so it's good to know how one or two cells work, step-for-step. but in the bigger picture, maybe the best way to impart knowledge is in stories and poetry.

and with some step-for-step details of the biology of a few kinds of cells, and with some nice poetry, maybe a person can crest a cliff and see something that will put its own stories inside of their mind forever.

which is to say that I don't know how magic works but i've seen some nice landscapes out there ✌

[hiperchile]

Dykes to Watch Out For Listen To

Hello! Here's 30 lesbian* (*or bisexual etc women. While this post is about music, identities [(L)esbian/(B)isexual/(U)nknown/undeclared/uother] have been noted for the curious amoung you) artists to listen to in this month of pride! Feel more than free to suggest others - this list is just what came to mind and is obviously barely scratching the surface. I have highlighted a few notable works for each, but that absolutely isn't to say you shouldn't try out their other works! Some of these women have giant discographies spanning decades, so there's more than enough to dig through :D That said:

1. Janis Ian - Folk. Active 1965-present. I say this list is in no particular order but that’s except for this spot - if you take one thing away from this post, please let it be go listen to Janis Ian. Go listen to anything and everything she’s done, but I’d especially like to highlight Between the Lines (1975), Breaking Silence (1993), and Strictly Solo (2004, live album).  (L) 

2. Sleater-Kinney - Indie Rock. Active 1994-2006, 2014-present. Highlighting Dig Me Out (1997) and Call the Doctor (1996). (B)

3. Teresa Trull - Folk. Active 1977-present. A Step Away (1986) is marvelous and, considering the sadly low amount of spotify plays, you probably haven’t heard it. (L)

4. Jen Foster - Pop. Active 2001-present. Everybody’s Girl (2006), The White Room Sessions (2016) (U)

5. Ani DiFranco - Indie Folk. Active 1989-present.  Imperfectly (1992) and Not a Pretty Girl (1995) are probably the classics, and personally I’m quite fond of Little Plastic Castle (1998) (B)

6. k.d. lang - Country/folk. Active 1981-present. Obviously Ingénue (1992), but do also consider Shadowland (1988) (revealing my eternal fondness for debut albums <3) and Invincible Summer (2000), if not everything else. (L)

7. Team Dresch - Punk/qcore. Active 1993-1998, 2004-present. Personal Best (1995) and Captain My Captain (1996) are both instant classics of the genre imo. (U) 8. Jill Sobule - Folk-pop. Active 1986-present. Jill Sobule (1995) (of I Kissed a Girl fame) obviously can’t go unmentioned, and on a personal level I can’t not mention Pink Pearl (2000) (B)

9. Atomic Swindlers - Glam. Active 2004-?. I cannot recommend Coming Out Electric (2004) enough. So so so so fun - who doesn’t want intergalactic lesbian love songs? Or, as described by the Village Voice, a “rock opera about spacebiker lesbian stargirls in love”. C’mon. (U) 

10. Melissa Ferrick - Folk-rock. Active 1991-present. Freedom (2000) probably goes without saying, but checking out Everything I Need (1998) or Goodbye Youth (2008) probably wouldn’t disappoint either. (U)

11. Bitch and Animal - qcore. Active 1995-2004. All three albums are great, but Sour Juice and Rhyme (2003) does have Feminist Housewives, so. 

12. Maddie Ross - Pop. Active 2016-present. Look, Maddie is exactly the lesbian pop artist you’ve been looking for. Never Have I Ever (2019) is incredible and no I still haven’t shut up about it. Do you like pop? Do you like lesbians? Do you like incredibly well-executed concept albums? Of course you do, so go listen to this! (As a bonus, go listen to her cover of Scotty Doesn’t Know and thank me later :))(L) 

13. Ember Swift - Folk. Active 1996-present.  Stiltwalking (2002) is so good and more than that it’s just so fun, but don’t sleep on Mid-March Meltdown (2021), either. (U)

14. Jen Cloher - Folk-rock. Active 2001-present. Jen Cloher (2017) is definitely worth a listen, as is Dead Wood Falls (2006) (at the very least). (U)

15. Alix Olson - Spoken word. Active 2001-present. Don’t be scared of by the ‘spoken word’ part! You really don’t have to be poetry person - nor even a lyrics person, gd knows I’m not! - to enjoy. Built Like That (2001) I really can’t rave about enough. This goes from fun and silly to serious and profound, and the whole journey in it is incredible. It’s incredibly captivating, is the truth of it. Not saying Alix is a genius, but... Yeah, a little bit. (U)

16. Jamie Anderson - Folk. Active 1987-present. Three Bridges (2007) is lovely, as is Dare (2013), but her earlier works aren’t to be slept on, either :) (L)

17. Tribe 8 - Punk/qcore. Active 1991-2005. The name tells it all, really. Rude, loud and brash, and really fucking fun. By the Time We Get to Colorado (1995) is basically required listening, and I can’t not say how often I get Lezbophobia stuck in my head, and First City (1995) is fantastic, too. (U)

18. Joan Jett - Rock. Active 1975-present. This is yet another one of those ‘where to even start’, y’know? That being said, I would probably point to Glorious Results of a Misspent Youth (1984) and Sinner (2004) as well as her 1981 debut. As a double suggestion, go listen to The Runaways if you haven’t already, in all their messy glory! :) (U)

19. Grace Petrie - Folk. Active 2006-present. Obviously highlighting Heart First Aid Kit (2017) and There’s No Such Thing as a Protest Singer (2016) (L)

20. Tracy Chapman - Folk. Active 1986-present. Need I really say more? Her self-titled 1988 debut is a great place to start, and Crossroads (1989) (and every album after that) is a great place to continue ;) (U)

21. Kate Reid - Folk. Active 2006-?. You can’t go wrong with I’m Just Warming Up (2009) and Doing it for the Chicks (2011). I mean, charming and funny, what more could you want? (L)

22. Partner - Rock. Active 2014-present. In Search of Lost Time (2017). Boom, simple as that. (U)

23. Hayley Kiyoko - Pop. Active 2013-present. I mean, I couldn’t really not, could I? In all honesty, my favorite of hers remains A Belle to Remember (2013) / This Side of Paradise (2015), but if you’re looking for something more openly “out” you’d probably like Citrine (2016) or Expectations (2018) (L)

24. Ferron - folk. Active 1975-present. Yet another Canadian icon! Do absolutely listen to everything, but my personal reccommendations are Testimony (1980) and Shadows on a Dime (1984). (L)

25. Gina Young - Alt/qcore. Active 2002-present. Intractable (2002) is my darling, but She’s so Androgynous deserves a mention, too. (U)

26. Doria Roberts - Folk. Active 1995-present. Woman Dangerous (2006), and I absolutely cannot stress this enough. Incredible record. (L)

27. Alix Dobkin - Folk. Active 1973-2021 (<3). Lavender Jane Loves Women (1973) and Living with Lesbians (1975) (which have been helpfully merged on Spotify /s) are absolute indusputiable classics. (L)

28. Sara Renberg - Indie. Active 2018-present. (U) Night Sands (2018) !

29. Melissa Etheridge - Rock. Active 1985-present. Yes I Am (1993) times 7000. For real. Absolute indusputiable need-to-listen. Brave and Crazy (1989). Your Little Secret (1995). Everything. (L)

30. Phranc - punk/folk. Active 1970s-present. I’m going to point out Goofyfoot (1995), both because it���s incredible but also it’s the only one easy to find on streaming lmao. (L)

Have fun!

[mikarchive2]

what i read in february 2023 📚

1. teatro grottesco by thomas ligotti - ★★★★ - picked this up because i randomly read one of his short stories on a train once and was so enamoured ... a short story collection centered around a subtle existential sort of horror that is less about gore and violence and more about something unknown but dreadful lurking in your peripheral vision . some of these, especially the ones from the deformations section, felt very welcome to night vale . delicious . makes you feel like a kid listening to scary campfire stories . i enjoy hanging out in the world created by this narrative voice so much

favourites: purity, the town manager, the clown puppet, my case for retributive action + in a foreign town, in a foreign land

2. the raven and the reindeer by t. kingfisher - ★★ - i think what im doing here is trying to read a fairytale retelling every month 👍 ... this really did not work for me though . the writing style felt so childish ( this could have been a book for twelve year olds ) + the story did not go anywhere and stayed extremely surface-level throughout the whole book . yeah sure there were lesbians but no actual substance whatsoever . the reading process was somewhat enjoyable because the humor was alright, but thats pretty much the only redeeming quality

3. the world keeps ending, and the world goes on by franny choi - ★★★ - i believe this is a case of ‘its not you its me’ because even though the way the author plays with language is straight up fascinating something about her poetry never clicks with me . i had the exact same issue with soft science as well - there is a certain detachment and coldness to her style that doesnt allow me to properly process the poems on an emotional level . still, i really liked the fourth section, it was so imaginative and full of the kind of resilience that is only born out of utter hopelessness

4. the passion by jeanette winterson - ★★★ - unfortunately i have the same issue here as with franny choi - something in me just always refuses to click with jeanette winterson . the author is trying to lead me somewhere by the hand but she is always slightly out of reach . this is my third book by her and while i can see and appreciate her craft it just never leaves a lasting impression on me its so strange ... i enjoyed the imagery + the philosophical ideas about love and passion but the story itself ... i dont know

5. the sandman: world’s end ( vol. 8 ) by neil gaiman - reread - i am not rating these god bless and putting them in the review post is probably not a good idea either since i ramble about them enough as is . what can i even say about a series that pretty much formed the way i understand the world and the human condition . stories within stories within stories . the foreshadowing here is insane and probably unnoticeable unless you are rereading . its hard to say what the writing process here was actually like perhaps it was way more spontaneous than i imagine but it all seems so meticulously and purposefully planned its just stunning

( + two books i left unfinished last year because of my broken ebook reader and decided to finish this month: )

6. wyrd sisters by terry pratchett - ★★★ - ( looks above ) my reading order here is very ‘frequently bought together’ ‘do not separate them’ huh ... this was very shakespearean which was fun but not ideal for me personally because it means some things definitely flew right over my head . i think i enjoyed equal rites a little more ? however at the end of the day its just your typical discworld novel i laughed i witnessed some well-written women and losermen i laughed some more . what else could i ask for

7. when i grow up i want to be a list of further possibilities by chen chen - ★★★★ - wonderfully heart-warming and radiant and witty and has the power to restore your belief in love and tenderness at least for a moment . this kind of literal and confessional american poetry usually isnt for me but miraculously chen chen made it work ! basically the hype is well deserved

up next: im actually not sure im trying to slow down since i need to get through some college textbooks 💔 ... + im sure want to finish the sandman which is really enough for the next one thousand years . considering mrs. dalloway by virginia woolf too someone called it a spring read once and ive wanted to read it during this season ever since

[canidbld]

— A Black Dogs Journey

— A small and quick writeup about my journey to accepting myself as an alterhuman.

(Taken from my carrd and edited)

My journey with therianthropy technically started when I was 16 when I found the forum "therian.guide" and made my first intro post and therefore my first dip into the community.

I remember that I had tried and assumed I was a bunny / hyena therian based on surface factors (like how I thought I twitched my nose like a bunny for example) and the response to the post was positive. I did not return to the site after that because I also assumed that therianthropy was spiritual only and I knew I wasn't that so I chalked it up to me just over analyzing and didn't think about it again until a few years later where I started a vent blog on tumblr (it would've been my 2nd one technically)

From there, I reposted a lot of canine poetry as I related to it a lot due to, for the most part, the venting nature canine poetry presented itself as. After a while, the more I dived in deeper, the more I was exposed to accounts who adopted a hellhound like aesthetic which I also gravitated towards to the point I stumbled on the "hellhound kin" tag.

Thats where my awareness of mayhaps even the first sense of consideration of being otherkin came from and it would remain a subtle nag at the back of my mind for a bit while I continued to consume canine and hellhound content casually, trying to ignore that nagging feeling at the back of my mind.

Before we get into the continuation of coming to terms with my Black Dog identity, I want to mention that I participated in the pet regression community for a while and eventually I would start resposting caninekin content as I assumed it pretained to my puppy headspace. I want to point this out because I'm pretty sure the pet regression community was also somewhat of a gateway for me to start looking deeper into therianthropy, or at least, one of the reasons.

Another few years later, I found my boyfriend and after a while being together, I showed him my dog themed venting account where I was reintroduced to the time where I considered I was hellhound kin. again, I didn't think much of it until I eventually I did a little digging into what kin meant and came across the term "otherhearted" and "copinglink" and knew that was probably what I felt and so I made a new tumblr account in dedication of accepting my hellhound hearttype and started creating poetry about it.

However there was still something not right about the label I used. As time moved forward and another year passed, I end up to a point where I really start to genuinely consider that I might be more than human and that it might not even be voluntary.

And so starts my more recent journey to discover myself through a nonhuman lens.

The point of adopting the -heart suffix was because honestly... I still wasn't taking kinning that seriously, I still wasn't really acknowledging the bigger picture here. I felt that if I called what I was feeling a -kin, I'd feel like I was disrespecting the community. It was a lame assumption baked up by nothing other than my overanalysing thoughts and insecure feelings because in reality, I did kin hellhounds. Well, kind of.

I knew that there was something ever so slightly off about saying "I was a hellhound" and feel like it should've been the at-all-be-all of my therianthropy. I couldn't pinpoint what was the "off feeling" until I started researching about hellhounds again like I did before. Then I stumbled upon what was called "The Black Dog."

I had read about Black Shuck and Church Grimm before but I think, at that moment, something clicked when I read more about the lore of the Black Dog and its hauntings and Legends.

And so my identity went from "hellhound-hearted" to "Black Dog Theriomythic" and I've honestly been pretty happy with that. Nowadays, it's really about understanding what it means to be a mythical creature in a way that interacts with my humanness and how much of the folklore and traits of the Black Dog pretain to me, thats what I've really been trying to figure out as of late. I have also been considering a few more kins and researching more about the history of therianthropy as well because I know my journey has not ended, there's always more to know.

I say I awakened on march 2024 just because it's easier that way but it's been much more complicated than that. To be honest, that's really only the time I started interacting and engaging in the community more as it seems I have always been somewhat aware of my alterhumanity.

My name sol comes from my boyfriend naming me that when we first started dating, back then it was a sort of fun way to mimic the way an owner would name their dog but back then I was not as aware as I am about me being canine so now the name and the way I was named holds a lot more significance.

I have other layers to my alterhumanity of course, I am still learning and questioning and understanding the nature of kinning and what being theriomythic means but I now know at my deepest core I am the Black Dog from British folklore.

[hinatashoyyo]

Raw yourself:

Plaster up your love

And doubt; frame it,

Bolt it to the shelf,

Even if the picture ain’t pretty:

Framed in hair and teeth and feces,

‘Cause that’s your art baby,

A great big broken, beautiful human ugly.

[cassianfanclub]

I’ve seen quite a few posts and arguments that say Azriel and Elain won’t work because they aren’t alike. Az is too dark and Elain too innocent. And, I just kind of have to laugh because that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Is Az a dark, flawed character? 100%. Dude tortures people as a day job. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a soft side, or doesn’t enjoy things outside of being a grumpy, tortured torturer- especially when those things involve Elain.

Even from their first meeting, he makes sure to seem as kind, polite, and non intimidating as possible. He engages with her questions and even spouts a little poetry

Az blushed at the “beautiful” compliment.

He spends time with Elain in the garden, reading his reports while she drinks her tea

After Elain’s rescue (where he absolutely showed how dangerous he can be and to what lengths he will go to protect her) he kept her cradled in his arms, even though she could walk and he was horribly injured.

Azriel suspends his spy duties when it comes to Lucien and Elain so as to not see what they may do together (and side note, what guy who just wants to fuck would do this??)

He grabs the potatoes from Elain, even after everyone else rushed by, to give her the opportunity to eat with everyone else.

He stops Cassian from stuffing his face before Elain is seated and demands respect for her

He stays up till the wee hours of the morning, sitting with Elain on the couch and conversing with her about her garden

He gives a glimpse of his vulnerability to Nesta when it comes to his feelings for Elain

He goes and buys her this beautiful necklace, that represents Elain to a T

We find out that he has been staying away from her because being around her is too painful. And instead of being a toxic, alpha-hole, he gives her space and respects that fact that she had a mate, even though he questions the fate and their bond.

I think it’s important to remember that this is the same dude who’s longest monologue in the series was about how the people who seem the least important, the least capable, the weakest-link, can turn out to be the most important and change the outcome. That sounds pretty soft to me.

And let’s talk about Elain, and how she isn’t some weak little flower.

She accepted newly turned Feyre and her fae companions immediately, invited them into her home, and convinced Nesta to allow their house to act as the meeting space between fae and humans, even though she’d been told fae are violent, dangerous beings

Elain “I hope they all burn in hell” Archeron

She overcame a horrible, life altering trauma that upended her world and threw her into chaos and came out stronger.

She risked her life by going to see Graysen and his father and ask for sanctuary for the humans during the war

She kicked Hybern’s beasts off of Az with her bare feet, saving her, Azriel, and Briar

She accepted Truth-Tellee from Azriel and then shoved it THROUGH the King of Hybern’s neck. Do you have any idea how hard it is to shove a blade through flesh, muscle, fat, bone, etc?? She a bad bitch.

She no longer allows Nesta to walk over her and say harmful and abusive things without pushback.

She volunteers to find the Trove, even at great personal risk to her well-being

She takes charge of her own desires and initiates her and Azriel’s (cockblocked) intimate moment

She gives back the necklace Azriel got for her, showing that she refuses to let a man treat her poorly

If you only look at these characters on a surface level, then yes- Az is some dark, angry guy and Elain is some meek gardener. But the beauty of these characters is that they are so much more than what they seem on the surface and I believe they compliment each other beautifully and will make a wonderful couple.

[frevandrest]

Everything Wrong with Saint-Just's Introductory Scene in La Révolution française (1989)

As promised, here is an analysis of Saint-Just’s first scene from La Révolution française (1989). You can watch the scene (with English subtitles) here. It sadly misses the dramatic entrance part, but everything else is there. SPOILER: This analysis will not, in fact, cover everything wrong because there’s so much trash you can’t adequately address it in only 1000 words. 

In the scene, we see a young man with that hair rushing down the steps of the Convention (in what will be his signature dramatic! style). He pushes people way without even looking at them. There is someone at the rostrum, and many people wait to address the Convention. Saint-Just doesn’t give a fuck. “I demand to speak.” Some deputies murmur a weak protest, but they are shit out of luck because it’s time to introduce a new character, and we need to know what a jerk he is. So of course he’s granted the word. 

At first, nobody pays attention, but “just like you, I would die for this Republic”, seems to work. He delivers the speech (which contains maybe two lines from the actual one), and by the end, Marat claps, the Convention claps, Danton and Girondins are suspicious; Robespierre is in love. Camille, oh Camille, does he know he’s just been replaced? Saint-Just pouts slightly (my interpretation) but doesn’t show much emotion. Next scene: Louis receives news that he’s being put on trial. Good job, new boy. 

As first scenes go, this is a good introduction to Saint-Just as depicted in the film. But it’s also very wrong for SJ as a historical personality (what we know of him). Which sucks, because it’s not like it’s impossible to make an unsympathetic yet historically accurate SJ, if one wants to go that route. See, Saint-Just in La Révolution française is a prop; he’s not a character with his own complexities, goals or motivations. He is just there to be pretty and evil, and to take Robespierre away from Camille.

So, why is this introduction wrong? 

Let us remember that this was Saint-Just’s very first speech at the Convention. He got elected days after his 25th birthday; he was the youngest out there. Also, even with Robespierre’s support (that some claim he already enjoyed), he was an unknown; a peasant provincial from Picardie barely out of his adolescence. He wanted to prove himself and demonstrate that he was a worthy representative. Being rude and pushing people away is not really a good way to achieve that. 

Here’s the thing about Saint-Just: despite all stereotypes of the contrary, he respected authority. However, he only respected authority that he felt deserved to be respected. In 1792, “monarchy” was not it. But National Convention? Revolutionary government? Of course he respected it. He fought so much to get there, and he respected the place he was given. 

Throwing his weight around, pushing people away, demanding to speak when someone else is at the rostrum, disobeying order... It was really not Saint-Just. He hated commotion and fights that happened so often at the Jacobin club. Even on 9 Thermidor, when Tallien interrupted him and shit hit the fan, he continued to attempt to deliver the speech. They pushed him, and he kept trying to speak, without, I don’t know, punching someone in the face (La Révolution française Saint-Just totally would, which is, admittedly, one of the many, many many reasons why it sucks that they shortened and condensed Thermidor). 

The film uses “blame Saint-Just for Robespierre’s turn to darkness” approach. SJ is there to encourage Robespierre into cruelty and cold violence, and, if Robespierre starts to doubt even for a moment, to reassure him that yes, this is how things should be done, you are right Max, let’s kill them all, but particularly Camille; I can’t stand that guy for having you first  ridiculing my poetry (wait... SJ’s poetry wasn’t in the film. Why does he hate Camille, again?) Who knows. The only explanation the film provides is that Camille is Good and Saint-Just is Evil, so of course he’d want to get rid of him. 

Now, let us see about the speech itself.

The Speech

The speech Saint-Just delivers in the film contains maybe a few lines from the actual speech (notably: “this man should reign, or die”). I don’t have a problem with them not replicating the speech word for word because it followed on what other deputies talked about (which we didn’t hear)*, and because nobody has time for Antoine’s ramblings about antiquity. (And it would take around 10 minutes to act, which would probably provide us with more glorious shots of Robespierre falling in love being impressed, but it would take too much of the running time. I get that.)

So, in theory, I am fine with shortening the speech and paraphrasing, as long as the meaning and content is there. Which... it did on a surface level while also missing the point substantially.  

*Not showing SJ addressing what others said before him was understandable (condensing runtime), but it’s another thing that made it seem like he didn’t listen nor paid attention what others were doing. Also, it’s a missed opportunity to characterize him as a jerk full of himself, since his real speech basically opened with: “all that the previous guy said is bullshit, and here’s why”. 

Speech in the film: I would die for the Republic and I would fight the enemies of the Republic. We all know the name of the enemy, and I, like none here, am ready to fight against this enemy. Louis is a symbol of traitors among us. We should not hesitate; the king is an usurper. 

In short, speech in the film is, kind of, less about Louis and more about what SJ will be important later: his own sense of revolutionary righteousness and for weeding out “traitors” from the Convention. 

Another issue with the speech is that it wasn’t just about the speech - it was part of Saint-Just’s introductory scene, so we had to learn about his character through the speech. In the film, SJ is rude, cruel and cares only about... well, we are not sure, because there are no motivations whatsoever, but he is there to push Max when something bad needs to be done. I feel that his rudeness during the introductory scene and the way the speech was delivered fulfil this purpose nicely. However, I am not sure that we actually understand what Saint-Just’s speech was about, except vague “we must kill the king” vibe. 

The Aftermath

The scene following Saint-Just’s speech is that of Louis, a doting father, reading a book to his son. Men come and rudely tell him to send the child away. He is to be put on trial. The implication? Saint-Just’s speech won the crowd over and they decided to kill Louis, or at least put him on trial. 

In reality, while Saint-Just’s speech was highly noticed (his real-life dramatic entrance into Convention), the deputies did NOT listen to him. The whole point of the speech was that Louis should not be put on trial - trials are for the citizens, which he is not. Louis’ crime is not treason - the monarchy is a crime in itself. Saint-Just argued against the trial. Yes, his speech was highly influential but presenting it in this way puts way too much weight on this newcomer’s words and implies he was the key factor behind the trial.  

Other Observations

- There is a long debate among historians whether Robespierre was present for Saint-Just’s first speech on 13 November 1792. (I think the conclusion is “probably not”.) But I don’t mind this change, if nothing else, for those glorious shots of Robespierre’s heart eyes and Camille’s “wtf did this guy come from and why is Max looking at him like that?”

- Marat. It is true that he generally praised Saint-Just as an orator, but he disagreed with this speech (Marat was for trial). 

- The reason why this post is dedicated to SJ’s first scene is because I was asked/challenged to write about it. It doesn’t mean that his other scenes were any better (I’d say they were worse). In fact, the entire SJ’s character was a Thermidorized mess. 

- That being said, I don’t hate this SJ. I cannot; LRF was my introduction to the whole Frev thing and will always have a special place. Christopher Thompson was ok, particularly in some aspects of SJ. However, the whole thing was a mess and it should be criticized. 

- Hair. I promised to dedicate one full paragraph to SJ’s hair, but I... can’t. I simply cannot. I am sorry. I tried, but the words failed me. 

- This was more fun that it should have been and there are so many things I didn’t get to say (the entire performance and what this scene means for SJ as a character in the film, a more detailed analysis of the speech and comparison with the real one, etc.) But it did show that I can still vomit write 1000+ words about anything that I have any interest in, which is... good to know, I guess? (Let’s just say that I won’t be winning any SJ contest prizes for laconicism). 

[zukkaoru]

shhh i’m not on my phone at work got a second wHAT

35:) ramble to me, babe

35. ramble about any fic-related thing you want

corey this is so vague i don't even know where to begin skjgdfhdj uhhhhh what do i want to ramble about,,

WAIT OKAY I GOT IT

okay so back in like. february i think i did another ask game like this and someone (jo?? maybe???) sent an ask about meta/foreshadowing/hidden references for this ultraviolet morning light and at the time, only the first two(?) chapters were out so i couldn't talk about the foreshadowing, bc it was all leading up to the end of chapter six. but i can talk about it now bc the whole fic is up!!

i'll put it under the cut bc i know it'll be long + spoilers for those who haven't yet read tuvml

fic writer ask game

okay so first. all of the foreshadowing for the drowning scene. maybe i did already have a list of these in my google docs in case anyone every asked, maybe not, i won't say

anyway. i added in water/drowning imagery with zuko specifically in this fic, because of the drowning scene, and especially bc in the atla world, water imagery would generally be used with characters from the water tribes rather than someone from the fire nation. so it wasn't just me liking water-related words and shoving them onto zuko for no reason; it was intentional

chapter one:

- He really can’t think of anything more beautiful than Zuko drenched in moonlight - This is what fire feels like when doused with water. - It burns like fire consuming Sokka’s entire body, like he’s been dunked underwater and the surface has frozen over and his lungs are about to give out, but he’s going to keep hitting the ice anyways like he’s strong enough to break it.

chapter two:

- It washes over his body all at once, like a wave pulling him under the surface of the ocean, until his limbs are numb and tingly and his head sways. He’s completely frozen in place, eyes staring straight ahead but not really seeing anything. - He would’ve rather stood across from Azula in the Agni Kai arena and let her shoot him full of lightning, rather been dropped in the middle of the ocean

chapter three:

- Zuko searches the tumultuous ocean that is his mind for the right words - Zuko was telling them about Azula never quite getting the knack for swimming despite their annual vacations to Ember Island when they were little, and Sokka was so happy.

chapter four:

So he lets the words sink, lets them drown in the knowledge that he no longer has the right to talk to Sokka in the same way he used to.

chapter five:

The moonlight pours over him, drowning him in a soft white glow.

chapter six:

But…my doctors have told me that spending the rest of your life letting yourself drown in guilt isn’t going to help anyone.

also, people picked up on vai being a double agent, but no one picked up on the fact that she was a waterbender, even though i did hint at that too:

- Her brown skin is almost as dark as Sokka’s and her face and arms are covered in freckles. - It reminds Sokka of himself a little; the bright blue eyes of a waterbender but no bending ability to speak of. - How can you get better than a play with dragons, a star-crossed love affair, sun and moon symbolism, and a villain who has a secret past that ties them to the protagonist?

beyond that, there are also a lot of parallels/call backs to previous chapters/foreshadowing to future scenes just in general. the funniest one (and also completely unintentional one) is probably sokka and katara calling each other their least favorite [sibling]

“You’re my least favorite sister,” // You are, and I say this from the bottom of my heart, my least favorite brother ever. chapter 1 // epilogue

but there are. several more. and i'm not sure how many of them people picked up on so i will add them all bc i love them <3

Zuko would get himself arrested, kidnapped, killed, whatever if it would keep Sokka safe. // “I would give my life for [Zuko] without a second thought.” … “But would he do the same for you?” chapter 4 // chapter 6

When Sokka’s hand began to retreat, Zuko had reached forward, grabbed it, and whispered, “Please stay.” // “Don’t leave me.” Sokka says it like a prayer … like he would repeat it until he couldn’t remember anything else if it meant Zuko would keep holding him. “Just… stay.” chapter 5 // chapter 7

So they sit - Sokka and Zuko - on the roof of some abandoned building in the outskirts of the city. // “But now I’m pretty sure we’re just destined to be Sokka and Zuko” chapter 5 // chapter 7

“I just don’t think he’s trustworthy enough for this. … when he proves that he isn’t as reliable as you think - when he proves that he’s only ever going to let you down - I’m going to say I told you so.” // “Zuko is kind, and he is trustworthy and reliable. He’d never purposefully let me down” chapter 3 // chapter 6

this ^ was one i was hoping people would pick up on bc it makes the drowning scene/sokka pleading for vai to not hurt zuko that much angstier, but i'm not sure anyone did so now i'm putting those lines right next to each other so you're all forced to confront the pain <3

Is he still in love with Zuko? Is being in love enough? // But what good is any of that? Love isn’t always enough. // “It doesn’t matter who or where feels like home, it doesn’t matter if we’re in love. When you’re next in line for the throne, love isn’t enough.” chapter 3 // chapter 4 // chapter 6

Zuko warms his other hand on instinct, and apparently it was a good call because Sokka squeezes it tighter and presses closer to Zuko. “I forgot my mittens at home,” // I love you doesn’t always take the shape of those three words. … Sometimes, it’s Have you eaten today? or Don’t forget your mittens again! chapter 1 // chapter 6

this ^ is also one i thought people might pick up on but idk if anyone did or not. but it made me🥺🥺 when i wrote it

[religion tw for the last part]

okay i could leave it there but corey gave me an excuse to ramble and i've made the post this long anyways so one more thing! i explained this to corey a while ago when we were having dinner together but i find it very funny so i'm sharing it with all of you i say like anyone has actually read this far

i accidentally made zuko a Christ Figure in tuvml

"but grace, surely that's not possible," you say. "surely there's no way zuko is a christ figure! there aren't any christian themes in tuvml. you didn't even have anyone try to convince vai to forgive zuko or have anyone convince zuko and sokka that they should forgive vai! how could you have a christ figure in your fic???"

let me set the scene. it's 2019, you're a senior in high school, and you decided to take ap literature for the possibility of college credit. your teacher has this book called how to read literature like a professor that he has his classes read chapters from, and one of those chapters talks about Christ Figures in literature. one of those chapters also talks about baptism symbolism, and mentions how oftentimes, characters who are christ figures will go through a baptism of some sort - being "born again" after a scene where they come out of the water

do you want to know what zuko does in this ultraviolet morning light?

he goes into the water. and then he comes back out.

and do you want to know what i had sokka say about zuko shortly before he took a dive into the baptistry water?

Zuko looks away from him, resigned, like he’s ready to die as atonement.

see. i grew up Christian, i went to church every sunday and i have spent the majority of my life memorizing Bible verses either for awana or bible quizzing and. sometimes i just drop biblical words into my writing sometimes bc they're words i've heard since i was a kid, and they're words i learned make you sound smarter at church. so of course i throw them around while writing. i use them in essays, i use them in poetry, and i use them in fan fiction.

so was i trying to make zuko a christ figure in my fic? absolutely not.

but i had sokka say he looked ready to die as atonement (for the sins of his people), and then i had him go into the water, nearly die, and have to be "brought back to life" by suki's cpr, being "born again" after a "baptism" and

well

accidental christ figure zuko i guess

anyway. this went on for a while and i'm not sure anyone bothered reading all of it which. valid.

thank you corey for letting me ramble skjdgfdjgh i'm not sure this is coherent, nor should it have all been in one post, but whatever

[omgrachwrites]

The Book of Love - Chapter Two

Pairing: Remus Lupin x Ravenclaw!Reader

Summary: After a breakup leaves you heartbroken and miserable, things start to change for the better when you begin exchanging notes in a library book with a mystery boy.

Warnings: fluff, swearing

Words: 2402

A/N: Hope you guys enjoy this part! Please let me know what you think and let me know if you would like to be tagged! I love you all! xxx

Chapter Two

It seemed like mere moments since you had fallen into your extremely comfortable bed with a full belly and a strong feeling of contentment but all too soon you were rudely thrust into the waking world. You had been having such a lovely dream of summer days and endless jugs of iced pumpkin juice. However, the real world was a good deal colder and a thin layer of frost settled on the windowpanes, the frost had come early this year. That wasn’t to say that you weren’t happy about being back at school because you were, you were ecstatic, you just wished that you could have an extra ten minutes in bed.

“Good morning sleepy head,” your best friend – apart from Sirius – Lyra grinned at you. As usual she was already half dressed; she was annoyingly such a morning person. You grumbled out a reply as you rubbed your eyes and you began pulling on your uniform, “so,” Lyra started, “will you be sitting at the Gryffindor table again? I’m pretty sure it’s blasphemy to sit at another house’s table during the sorting feast,” she grinned at you to show you she was joking.

You smiled as you rolled your eyes and tried to tame the tangled mess that was your hair, “I just thought it would be good to expand my social circle that’s all. Sirius’ friends have been really sweet towards me.”

Lyra smiled sincerely as she took your hands in her own, “I’m here for whatever you need. You know that right? If you need me to kill Lucius or kick Narcissa’s arse, you just let me know.”

You pulled your friend into a tight hug, whispering into her silver hair, “I know, thank you,” you pulled away from the hug and grinned, “you know, you’re welcome to join us. It wouldn’t hurt for you to also expand your social circle,” you booped her nose playfully and she wrinkled it in response.

“I will, on the condition that you put in a good word with Sirius for me.”

If you weren’t so close to Sirius then you would have set them up but it would be painfully awkward if you set your two best friends up and it didn’t work out. You simply laughed and linked your arm through hers, “Lyra, you are way too good for him.”

As you and Lyra walked into The Great Hall together you scanned the Gryffindor table in search of Sirius until you saw him waving at you to get your attention. You grinned and pulled Lyra over to the table and she made a simpering noise at your side. You turned to look at her, assuming that she was looking at Sirius; instead she was looking at Remus.

“Look at the way he’s looking at you, I think that Remus has a crush on you,” Lyra whispered, not bothering to hide the joy on her face, “oh Y/N, he’ll be so good for you, and he’s such a sweet guy.”

You sighed as you rolled your eyes and shook your head, “oh Merlin, not you as well,” you muttered as you shot Remus a sweet smile as you slipped in between Sirius and Peter. He probably would be good for you but you weren’t looking for anything like that, at least not yet.

“Good morning boys, sleep well?” you giggled as you stole a triangular slice of toast from Sirius’ plate and you took a bite, relishing at the amazing taste of the sticky honey as it made your lips feel sugary and numb.

James raised an eyebrow at you as he dragged a hand through his hair and he took a long gulp from his mug, “as well as you did by the looks of it,” you scowled at him as you rubbed your tired eyes.

“Y/N?” Remus started and you looked over at him, he had a light flush on his cheeks as he rubbed a hand through his hair, making it even more tousled, “you’ve got some honey on the corner of your mouth,” he chuckled nervously as he pointed at his own mouth.

Smiling your thanks at him, you lifted a hand to the left side of your mouth, “did I get it?”

He shook his head as he picked up a clean napkin, “may I?”

Wordlessly, you nodded and Remus leaned over to the table to wipe the smattering of honey from your lips, he hesitated as he pulled his hand away and you saw his eyes flicker down to your lips and then back up to your face. There was a pretty twinkle in his hazel eyes, “thanks Remus,” you whispered with a smile and he quickly leaned back with a small smile on his face.

Sirius smirked and nudged your arm but you ignored him as you looked over at Lily to say something to her. The words died in your throat as you saw that Lily was looking between you and Remus with a bright smile on her face, her emerald green eyes narrowed. When she felt you looking at her she grinned at you innocently as she went back to her cereal.

“So, Y/N, Lyra. Do you girls fancy coming on the first Hogsmeade trip with us, I think the first date is mid-October.”

Before you could answer, Lyra spoke up, “we’d love to, thanks Lily,” she was twirling her hair through her fingers and she was smirking at Sirius who was smirking right back at her, his grey eyes dropping to her lips.

You rolled your eyes as you piled bacon and eggs onto your plate and filled up your golden goblet with pumpkin juice. You chatted with Lily and Remus about the upcoming Hogsmeade trip while Lyra and Sirius flirted shamelessly, and when the bell rang you were all shunted to your first lesson which was Transfiguration.

McGonagall spent the first part of the lesson lecturing the class on Animagi. Though you knew that Sirius didn’t need the lecture you weren’t sure why he decided to become an Animagus illegally. It just didn’t make sense. Though it did make sense as to why he was doodling on a scrap piece of parchment, not paying the slightest bit of attention to what McGonagall was saying. When McGonagall instructed you all to get your books out you dug around in your bag for a few moments. It felt like a stone had been dropped in the pit of your stomach when you made the realisation and you mentally slapped yourself.

“Shit!” you exclaimed a little too loudly. The whole class fell silent at your exclamation and you glanced up to look at your friends. Sirius was smirking while Lily was shaking her head with an amused smile and Remus was smiling politely. Next to you, you could feel Lyra’s shoulders shaking as she silently laughed.

“I beg your pardon Miss Y/L/N?” McGonagall looked at you from over the top of her round spectacles, her mouth set in a firm line.

Heat rushed up your neck and onto your cheeks as you tucked a strand of hair behind your ear as you fiddled with your fingers as you cleared your throat, “I’m sorry Professor, but I seem to have forgotten my book at home,” you couldn’t believe that you had made such a blunder.

McGonagall sighed as she twirled her wand between her long fingers, “very well. Share a book until you can have yours sent over,” you nodded as you looked down at Lyra’s book and there were no more outbursts for the rest of the lesson.

At the end of the lesson you were walking down the cold hallway with Lyra and Lily when Remus caught up to the three of you, “hey Y/N,” you smiled as you turned around and saw Remus, “if you need to use a text book then you’re more than welcome to use mine,” he flushed and you wondered how someone could be so sweet and selfless.

“That’s very sweet of you to offer Remus but I wouldn’t want to put you out. I’ll write a letter home to my parents tonight and I’m sure they’ll send it over soon enough. Thank you though, I appreciate the offer,” you smiled as you placed a hand on his arm.

He nodded, looking vaguely disappointed as he walked back to join his friends. Lyra tutted and shook her head, “Merlin, Y/N. You are so damn oblivious.”

Later on that evening you sat in front of the crackling fire with Lyra and about half a dozen open books. You had borrowed the book that you needed from the library; you didn’t want to constantly keep borrowing Lyra’s book. You were in the process of sticking post it notes on the pages, you liked to annotate your books but you would never deface a library book so you were using heart shaped post it notes.

About half an hour later you began to grow bored with working so you settled for doodling little pictures and bits of poetry that you had read over the summer on a blank post it note. You vaguely wondered what the school year had in store for you.

----------------------------

Remus grinned in amazement as he made his way through the busy library; it was always amazing to see how the library filled up during the first week of being back at Hogwarts. Though Remus knew that in a couple of weeks the library would be a lot less busy and students would soon start falling behind in their work. That was the pattern

As Remus reached up to grab the book that he required he cursed Sirius, he cursed Sirius to hell and back. Sirius was currently using Remus’ Transfiguration book as a flat surface so he and James could build a house of cards using Exploding Snap cards, they’d also stolen Lily’s book. Remus could simply take his book back but he really didn’t fancy putting up with a stroppy Sirius, it just wasn’t worth it. He could have also used Sirius’ book but he wanted to take a jaunt down the library for a bit of peace and quiet, and he wanted to see if he would run into Y/N.

With the big book firmly in his arms he picked his way through the desperate and stressed out crowd, and out through the door, almost bumping into someone.

“Woah, Remus. We really need to stop meeting like this,” he heard a familiar voice and a giggle and he realised that it was the young woman who had just been occupying his daydreams, “are you alright? What are you doing down here?” she asked.

Her eyes were warm and sparkling as she smiled and Remus was sure that she’d done something different with her hair. Remus’ teeth dug into his bottom lip as he took in how beautiful Y/N looked and he felt a flush on his cheeks. He only realised that Y/N had asked him a question when she raised an eyebrow and Remus felt the flush on his cheeks darken.

“Sirius stole my book and I didn’t want to deal with him,” Remus chuckled and gestured to his book.

Y/N nodded with a look of understanding, “ah, I see,” she sighed, “I’m sorry if I was rude the other day when you offered to lend me your book. I didn’t mean to blow you off; I just didn’t want to put you out.”

Remus quirked an eyebrow in slight confusion, he was pretty certain that Y/N couldn’t be rude if she tried, “Y/N, honestly its fine. I didn’t think that you were rude at all, it’s honestly no problem.”

Y/N let out a relieved breath as she gave Remus a dazzling smile, “oh that’s good. Maybe we could study together sometime?”

At her words, Remus’ heart did a flip, it was only studying but it meant a lot more to him than that, he nodded and he finally found his words, “um yeah that uh sounds like a plan,” he grinned nervously.

“Great,” she placed her hand on his forearm, “I’ll see you later Remus,” she smiled as she waved at him as she walked back down the corridor. Remus smiled as he watched her retreating figure for a while before making his way to the common room.

He almost had a heart attack as he climbed through the portrait hole and he heard small explosion and he glared over at Sirus’ and James’ table where they had just recruited Peter. Sirius burst out laughing as he patted Peter on the back and Peter scowled before he reset the deck of cards. Lily grinned over at him as he sat next to her on the couch.

“Did you get one?”

Remus smiled and placed the book on the table, “I did.”

Lily smirked as she looked over at her boyfriend’s table, raising her voice so they could hear, “you know I think it’s really mean the way that some people have to steal other people’s property so they can waste their time.”

James rolled his eyes while Sirius looked over at her with a scowl, gesturing at the house of cards, “well, for one I can’t be bothered walking up those stairs to get mine and besides I thought Remus might want the opportunity to ruin into Y/N,” he smirked while Remus flushed.

Lily gasped happily as she looked at Remus, “did you run into her?” when Remus nodded she squealed happily, “you guys belong together, mark my words, this will be a good year for the both of you.”

Remus laughed nervously as he distracted himself by opening his book and pulling his unfinished essay towards closer, “we’ll see,” he grinned at Lily before they got down to work.

About halfway through his essay, Remus frowned as he noticed a bit of fluorescent pink paper sticking out one of the pages and he turned the pages until he saw a pink heart shaped post it note. Someone had doodled an excellent picture of a wolf howling at the moon with a line from a poem beneath it, ‘the crownless again shall be king.’ There was a little bit of blank space beneath the drawing and the poetry line. Remus grinned as he wrote back, he knew nothing would come of it but he wanted to focus on something. Something other than Y/N anyway.

---------------------------- 

@smiithys @hp-imagines-07 @pregnant-piggy @reylo-hope @unexpectedurl @siriusblackspam @elayneblack​

[sleekervae]

The Neighbour [0.7]

Masterlist

The sun was high in the sky, bright and casting everything in a flattering golden light. The grass blades beneath Eva's body pricked at her fair skin and Remington's hair tickled her spine, the May heat was blazing but she was happy as she proofread her latest article.

Remington had his white heart-shaped sunglasses on, and Eva was sure he must've been asleep from how still he was. She broke her attention from her laptop and looked over her shoulder, stormy blue eyes gliding over the expanse of his torso and the many tattoos that were like a gallery to his world. A gallery that she had the pleasure of enjoying just for herself.

With a sharp intake, Remington stirred when he felt he was being watched. And when he saw Eva's delicate face looking back at him, he smiled back, face thick with sleep but he looked happy.

"What are you looking at?" he asked.

"Just checking on you," she replied coyly, "You comfortable?"

"Yes I am. Had no idea you made such a good pillow," he grinned, to which Eva simpered amusedly, "How's your article coming?"

"Just proofing before I send it," she said.

"How much you getting for it?"

"Seven hundred and fifty bucks"

He gave a stirring whistle, settling down against her flank and closing his eyes, "Make that money, Eva,"

Eva was quiet as he nestled down again, but she kept her eyes fixated on his body. She admired the way the light bounced over the sunscreen-slick film on his skin, and how effortlessly pretty and cool Remington looked in contrast to the lush green grass beneath him. The tips of her fingers brushed at the cooler blades beneath her chest, fighting the urge to reach over and touch the ink on his bicep.

And just like that, a new poem jingled in her brain and sprinted to her fingertips. The poem was drafted in minutes, and as Eva read it over and over to herself she was at a loss as to whether she should publish it to her blog. She knew Remington had looked at her poetry, and she wondered what he would think if she posted a piece about him. Or what his fans would think if they happened to find her blog. Would people even know it was about him?

Nevertheless, she took another glance at his rising and falling chest. In her lens she looked at him like a muse, a piece of art that she wanted to record and worship with her words. And that feeling made her nervous.

... But it also had her simmering with excitement.

"You're still staring at me," he suddenly said, a mischievous smile spreading across his face.

Eva rolled her eyes, though a sheepish grin spread across her own lips as she pushed her laptop across the grass, "Let me up,"

Remington's eyes snapped open again as he lifted his head so Eva could get to her feet, "You alright?" he asked.

"I'm just gonna' get something drink. You want anything?" she replied.

"I'm good," he threw his hands behind his head as he laid back down in the grass, "I'll guard your computer for you,"

Eva chuckled, "You're so brave,"

"Aren't I?"

Eva slipped her tank back over her bikini top, rubbing at the hot spot where Remington's hair had prickled over her skin. Her hand seemed to shake as she pulled back the glass sliding door, quickly slipping inside and finding Emerson sat on the couch with his notebook and variety of charcoals. Pepper was sleeping at his feet, but she perked up and tried to crawl to the top of the couch when she heard Eva's footsteps.

Emerson turned to his neighbour, "You okay, Eva?"

"Yeah," the small brunette replied, "Could I grab some water?"

"Of course," he smiled, "You know where the glasses are,"

"Thanks," she grabbed herself a glass of cold water and headed back for the door, stopping when she peaked over Emerson's shoulder and gazed in awe at the gothic victorian architecture covering two full pages in his journal, "That's so sick,"

"Thanks," he replied happily, "Did Remington tell you about our graphic novel?"

"He did. Did you illustrate everything?" she asked incredulously.

Emerson shrugged sheepishly, "I had a lot of help. I'll let you read the first copy that comes out, if you'd want"

"That would be awesome,"

It was then an idea stirred in the back of Emerson's head, "Do you write any fictional stuff?"

Eva shrugged, debating whether she should bring up her fanfiction hobby, "... I've dabbled,"

Emerson smiled, "Well, I'm planning to make these into a series. When we start drafting the next volume, would you want to work on it with us?"

Eva's heart nearly leapt into her throat, "You serious?"

"Why not?" he shrugged, "It's always more fun working with friends, anyway,"

Eva's face flushed, "Emerson, I'm honoured! I'd love to work with you guys,"

Over in the backyard, Remington shifted and sat up from his nap. He blinked his eyes a few times to get used to the sudden influx of light, then focusing in on the shadowy silhouette of Eva and Emerson in the house. He watched her smile, and the hand that wasn't holding a water glass came to rest on her chest. He wondered what they were talking about: probably art, the pandemic, the album party that was coming up this week.

Or was it possible that they were talking about him?

Remington took a glance at her macbook, the screen having just fell asleep. Curiosity got the better of Remington, he wondered why Eva kept glancing at him between her writing. He checked again and Emerson and Eva were still having their conversation, and Remington reached over and tapped the touchpad, bringing the laptop back to life. Eva's main page was her article about dog fighting and the people who ran these gambling rings, but Remington clicked on the open Tumblr tab. A draft of a new poem stared back at him, and before he knew what he was doing he was reading it word-for-word.

"You sleep soundly, protected by the company of

snakes, angels, and demons.

They guard your organs, flesh, and muscles.

Without moving eyes they watch the world pass you by

While you're none the wiser, drunk on beer and sunstroke.

The breath that leaves you fans over a crest of regality, valiance,

The summer grass tries to scratch away the frowns of the skulls on your arms,

You've come too far to continue to be sad.

At least, that's the impression I get.

I like your homage to the illuminati: that little triangle below your intestine

forever searches for lies and enlightenment.

Or maybe you just decided that it looked cool?

And I love that angel, clinging to your spine as you dive into the four corners of hell

Yet it drags you back to the surface, reminding you of the better qualities you have

that overshadow the bad ones.

Your body is a gallery, and I've bought myself a ticket.

I only planned to take the basic tour, a brief introduct --"

Remington quickly clicked back to Eva's article when he heard the door sliding open again, but Eva had caught him snooping. She looked down at him quizzically.

"What are you doing?" she asked, her standing figure blocking out the searing sun.

Remington glanced back at the screen, "Reading about the bastards who exploit defenseless animals and force them into fighting for monetary gain," he replied quickly, "Very profound work,"

Eva had the mind to know he was spouting straight bullshit, but she didn't press on, "Thank you," she set down her water glass and started to pull off her shorts.

"Your thirst quenched?" he asked.

"Yes, and now I'm going to go for a swim," she smiled, "You're more than welcome to join me,"

Remington sat back as her tank top fell to the ground, revealing the small flower tattoo on her ribs peeking out from the band of her bikini. Eva stood at the edge of the pool, shook out her hair, and dived head first into the crystalline water. Remington smiled to himself as he stood up, his heart thrumming as fast as a hummingbird could bat its wings when as the words he read fluttered behind his eyes.

She was writing a poem about him.

Eva emerged from the water just as Remington took a running start, and without warning, cannonballing into the water beside her. As she wiped the water from her eyes more had splashed over her head. Remington broke out of the water seconds later, laughing when he saw the scowl on Eva's face.

"You're so fucking chaotic!"

"You love me,"

The album was to drop this Thursday at midnight, and they were going to stream and celebrate its release at Sebastian's place with a party. A small party, with Daniel, Andrew, their mom, and their girlfriends.

And of course, Eva had been invited.

Remington assured her it was just going to a small casual affair, and all she needed to bring was her "gorgeous smile". Those were the words he used. Nevertheless, Eva had a constant flutter in the pit of her stomach as Thursday neared; annoyed because no matter what she pulled out of her closet she seemed to have nothing to wear, and popping advil because her period decided to pay her an early visit the morning of the party.

Remington continued to check Eva's Tumblr and Instagram pages now and again, wondering if she had posted the rest of that poem. He felt a little guilty about snooping, and he wondered what her reaction would be if she knew he had looked. Or perhaps she already knew that he had and she was only letting it slide because she didn't want to talk about it. And as he stood in the shower on the morning of the party, not snapping out of his thoughts until Emerson banged on the door loudly for his turn, Remington began to realize he wanted Eva so much more than he should have for a friend.

Pluto lay diligently at the foot of Eva's bed while she worked, wearing a face mask to hopefully keep her period acne at bay. She read through her most recent poems, a shiver crawling up her spine every time she read them. It was scary because within the last few days, she realized Remington had become the muse she examined and picked apart in her pieces. It wasn't that she hadn't written about boys before, she had, but they didn't elicit the same excitement Remington did when he touched her; or when he was even near her.

In the two and some months she had come to know him, Eva's world had grown so small and yet exploded so suddenly in such little time. Remington was a firecracker of wild colors that splattered across the folds of her brain and drew her into him like a moth to the light. She wanted to watch him move, work, and no matter what she wanted to make him smile. After listening to his music, she knew how badly he needed to be happy. And there was a part of her that wondered what it would be like; how would he be with her if they started a relationship? What's it like dating a rockstar? She imagined the day-to-day wouldn't be very different from how they were now: great friends just one step further on the scale of intimacy.

The more she thought about it, the more she wanted it. She wanted him.

✧✧✧

Remington's tongue tingled as he approached the complex courtyard in the late evening, his gaze flying to her balcony to hopefully get a small glimpse of Eva. He smashed the call button for her apartment and waited for her sweet voice to pick up.

"Yellow!" she answered happily.

"It's your friendly neighbourhood psychopath," Remington smiled as he spoke into the speaker.

Eva chuckled, "Come on up! I got the door open,"

The front door clicked and Remington slipped inside, his mask over his face as he waved to the landlord who was too nose deep in his newspaper to give a damn about him.

He pulled his mask down and knocked first before entering Eva's apartment, first being greeted by Pluto who leapt out of his bed and began to rub himself against his pant leg. Remington scooped him up in his arms.

"It's good to see you too, buddy!" he cooed at the cat, "Are you coming to the party with us? Maybe if we ask nicely your mom will take you?"

Remington's attention diverted from Pluto when he heard Eva walk in from behind. Turning around, any words he had were suddenly stuck in his throat when his eyes fell over her. Just when Remington thought she couldn't look any more gorgeous, she blew all his expectations out of the water in a body-hugging black, white, and red plaid dress, white sandals on her feet and her short hair loose and wavy. She only had on mascara and some eyeliner, but in his opinion, Eva didn't need any more than that.

She was absolutely beautiful.

Her smile faltered when Remington hadn't said a word, not even a hello, "... You're looking at me weird," she said, bordering on panic as she glanced at her dress, "Do I look weird? 'Cause I can go change --"

Remington quickly snapped out of it, "N-No! You're fucking gorgeous," he gaped, "Sorry, I didn't mean to stare like that --"

"No, it's okay," she assured him, smiling sheepishly as her heart skipped a beat, "You look really good, too. Yellow suits you nicely,"

Remington chuckled, continuing to cradle Pluto as he glanced at his pants, "See -- me and Emerson got into a debate. I say they're yellow, he think they're lime,"

Eva shrugged, "Regardless, they're on the citrus spectrum," she grinned, going to grab her purse, "Are you sure I can't bring anything? Like a bottle of wine, or --"

"Nope! Seb's got all the alcohol we'll need," he replied, "You can bring Pluto if you want, though. Emerson's gonna' bring Pepper,"

"He's better off here where I know he'll be safe. Over there, I'll constantly be worried if he's trying to tear up the carpet or... or eating another shoe," Eva shook her head.

Remington shrugged as he set Pluto down, "Just as well, I don't think he and Pepper like each other," he said.

"Oh really? What gave that away?" Eva asked in mock disbelief, "The constant hissing, the yapping, the growling? The cat's staying here,"

"Sorry bud, I tried," he said to Pluto. The tabby spun his tail before striding off back to his bed.

Eva took a deep breath and stared up at the ceiling, "He'll be fine," she sighed.

Remington cocked his head, "You okay?"

"Yeah," she nodded quickly, "It's that time of the fucking month again and my stomach does not like me,"

He swallowed with uncertainty, "... It's just a period thing, right? You're not losing taste or smell or anything, right?"

"No, it's just a period thing," she assured him, "I'll be fine. I feel like shit, but I just need some fresh air and some good music,"

"Lucky for you, I can provide all of those things. And just to reiterate, you look fantastic," he said.

"You're sweet," she smiled, slinging her denim jacket on and clutching her purse, "Shall we?"

"We shall," Remington quickly held the door open for her, "After you, my lady,"

"Why thank you, kind sir,"

[mimosaeyes]

It’s the fear, not the miles, that wears them down.

Jon and Martin take a break from trekking through the apocalypse. Nebulously set post-164. Quick fluff, 1.5k

Beta-ed by @distortion-noodles (main blog: @nifeandaccurateprophefies) and @sequoiawintersnight. *Tim voice* Double beta?! Indeed. You both spoil me.

“Right,” Martin says, on what he thinks is their third day walking without a break. He’s probably underestimating, too. “I don’t care if the natural laws of the universe have been re-written. It can’t be good to keep going like this.”

It takes Jon a moment to surface out of his reverie. “Hm? Oh. We could stop for... I was going to say ‘the night,’ but, well.”

They come to a halt anyway, after struggling out of a field of tall grass that seems oddly reluctant to let them go. Which is a little sinister, even in a world where the sky looks back at you. For good measure, they climb a nearby hillock, all the while brushing bits of vegetation off their clothes.

Martin stands at the top and squints at what used to be the horizon. He doesn’t do that a lot. Now, when he tries to find the points where the sun used to rise and set, his eyes tend to be drawn to the Panopticon instead.

Also, one time he’d seen something in the distance that looked alarmingly like livestock falling out of a glowing cloud. He’s not eager to witness any other such phenomena.

Jon’s elbow brushes his arm as he comes to stand next to Martin. “Do you feel tired?” he asks, also staring out across the landscape.

I feel like I should be. Even as Martin thinks this, his mind snags on the tentative, almost brittle note in Jon’s voice, and the way he placed a faint emphasis on you. Jon always sounds cautious when he asks Martin a question, from the effort of trying not to compel him, but this is different. “Oh, don’t do that,” Martin says, turning to look at Jon disapprovingly.

Jon blinks. “I’d say I have good reason to enquire after your wellbeing in the middle of a dystopian hellscape.”

“You always use more polysyllabic words when you’re uncomfortable, I don’t know if you’ve noticed. Anyway, I wasn’t talking about you fussing.” Martin flicks Jon gently on the forehead. “I was talking about you spending the last hundred eldritch-kilometres moping about being a monster.”

“Actually, even though London is a little over four hundred miles from the Scottish Highlands, we’ve walked about five hundred miles so far,” Jon says helpfully. “You know, insofar as distance has any meaning anymore. We’re like that song by The Proclaimers.”

“Stop trying to distract me with pop culture references, you... post-apocalyptic pedometer.”

They stare at each other for a long second, then burst out laughing. It slightly eases the tension that’s been building up in Martin’s chest.

As Jon’s laughter peters out, he sighs and looks at Martin, still smiling. “Alright, yes. I admit, I may have spent the last while thinking about how, unlike you, I’m no longer human enough to get tired. Or apparently, take a shortcut through a Distortion corridor. I wouldn’t call it moping—”

“Yet he supposedly knows everything.”

“—but,” Jon pauses to give Martin a flat look, “I can’t imagine how you got all that from four words.”

“What can I say? I’m well-versed in Jonathan Sims-ese.”

Martin’s small smile falters before he even realises he’s going to continue. “And, well. Worrying about you gives me something else to do, besides feel terrified and angry all the time. That’s what I’m really sick of, I think; not the walking.”

“Angry?” Jon repeats quietly.

Martin just shrugs. “Magnus used you. Of course I’m angry.”

His hand has clenched into a fist unconsciously. He only notices when Jon reaches out to take it. “I think I can help with the other thing,” Jon muses. It’s not quite an offer.

“How?” Martin stares at where Jon is slowly unfurling his fingers.

“By showing you something. If you’ll let me. I — I know you didn’t have the best experience of this, with... Elias, as we knew him at the time.”

Your mother simply hates you. You want to know what she sees when she looks at you?  

Martin shudders despite himself.

Then he whispers, “Okay.”

Because it’s Jon, whose scarred skin is so familiar against his. Because some part of him knows that all the pain in the world couldn’t make Jon’s touch ungentle.

“This is what I see,” Jon tells him, “when I look at you.”

Distantly, he hears the static that accompanies Jon using his Beholding powers. It drowns out the noises of the apocalypse — the unnatural wind, the cries, the wet slip of flesh. The distant bagpipes and gunfire and buzzing of flies that Martin still hasn’t left behind, not really.

He’s no longer standing under an acid-trip sky. He does a double-take before he figures out what he’s looking at: himself, or at least the top of his head, pillowed on Jon’s belly. He recognises their bedroom in the cottage, even if he doesn’t remember this moment. They’re dozing, insouciant, even breathing in tandem. Light spills from the window and pools over them, golden and heavy.

“I promise, this is the only time I watched you sleep,” Jon says, but not the Jon whose eyes he is seeing through. “Before the world ended, at least. While slumber was still peaceful.”

Martin has the absurd, intuitive impression that his voice arrives directly in his mind, bypassing his ears. This doesn’t freak him out as much as he thinks it should.

“It’s not like you haven’t done creepier things around me,” he points out, instinctively speaking in hushed tones.

Dream-Martin huffs and snuggles even closer to Jon. Martin frowns. “Hang on — isn’t that where you’re missing a rib? Aren’t I hurting you?”

“I thought it was sort of poetic,” Jon says ruefully. “You, in the place of something vital that protected me.”

They both watch as Dream-Jon lifts a hand from the duvet and cards his fingers ever so lightly through Martin’s hair.

“Armour and anchor,” Jon muses, almost to himself.

It doesn’t escape Martin’s notice that he hasn’t actually said no to his question. The sentiment still makes his breath catch in his throat.

With a slight effort of will, and little idea beyond that of how exactly he does it, Martin separates his perspective from Dream-Jon’s. Instead of gazing down at himself, he finds himself standing off to one side, feeling even more of a voyeur to his own past happiness. He’s suddenly very conscious of the grime that has accumulated on his trousers and boots, from wading through various bogs filled with nasty surprises.

Martin turns to his right, knowing before he sees him that he’ll find Jon standing there. This Jon looks wary and travel-worn, his hair hanging raggedly around his sharp, angular face. He offers Martin a faint smile.

“Maybe you should try writing some sappy poetry,” Martin says at last, but too softly for it to come across as teasing.

Jon seems to hear what he means underneath the words. “I thought this might help,” he murmurs, pleased.

Martin steps closer, close enough to tuck the grey locks behind Jon’s ears. “You know,” he says slowly, “you said this is a world where we can’t trust comfort.” Jon’s face begins to harden with old guilt. Martin quickly continues, “But I trust you. So... so maybe think about that, the next time you need to stop being all mopey.”

Jon’s shoulders sag. “Oh,” he says. “Alright.”

A dreadful thought occurs to Martin. “This — this is real, though. Right? Where we are, this is a real memory.”

“Yes.”

“So we’re... in your mind, somehow?”

“You wouldn’t want to be in my mind right now,” Jon says, his tone matter-of-fact. His eyes flick briefly to the bedroom door. His expression darkens, perhaps at the thought of what lies beyond it. “This is where I come for some quiet from — from everything, when it feels like I know too much. You might say it’s the... eye of the storm.”

A beat. “Can I smack you metaphysically for that joke?”

“Rude.” Jon manages to make the word sound impossibly fond. He grips Martin’s arm, and eases them out of the memory with another wave of static. Or perhaps he lets it fade away from them. In any case, Martin blinks, and they are back in the end of the world.

It’s still pretty dire. But the tension, the feeling of being perpetually braced for worse — that’s mostly subsided. At least for now.

“Better?” Jon asks. He scuffs his shoe against the ground, almost shy.

Martin smiles fully for what feels like the first time in ages, cups Jon’s cheek, and kisses him. Thank you, he thinks, and I love you, and You could never be a monster in my eyes.

Jon hums as they pull apart, then presses their foreheads together for a moment. His breaths break warm and soft on Martin’s skin. Martin kisses his forehead, too, before holding out his hand for Jon’s.

Once more, they look out at the long way they have left to go. Then, holding tight to each other, they start walking again.

[also available here on AO3]

[my TMA fics on AO3]

[rirururu]

Why Zenitsu is my Favourite Character in Kimetsu no Yaiba

NO SPOILERS FOR THE MANGA

Yeah, it’s pretty cool that the guy can one-shot anything he sees. Let’s just get that out of the way. It’s hype. He’s like a Pikachu version of One Punch Man but with his personality in the supreme opposite end of the spectrum which consequently makes him just as funny and badass to watch. I think that’s initially what draws most people to his character on a surface level. Heck, that’s what made him so endearing when I was introduced to the series as well. But he’s evolved into so much more than that for me over time.

AKA. That in-depth analysis post that I make every year that is way too long because I want to talk about something so badly but no one else is doing it.

I remember catching up to the manga a few weeks ago and not being able to choose who my favourite character was. They’re just all so good. It was at some point that I realized while flipping the pages, to my (pun intended) shock, Zenitsu was and probably always has been the character I looked forward to seeing the most. It’s like he snuck up on me and was already clinging before I even noticed he was there. Sure the running gag where he fights while sleeping is amusing to watch. Sure the Thunder Breath is an amazing technique. He has a great design to back all of that up, not to mention that his backstory tugs at the heartstrings. But change a few words around and you could apply that reasoning to basically any character in the series.

There lies my dilemma where I couldn’t decide on a favourite of the cast. What stuck out to me and started setting Zenitsu apart from the rest was how he fought. Of course, this isn’t the only reason I like him so much. However, I feel that a lot of people misinterpret his fighting style so it seems best to use that as a starting point.

Sadly, the fact that he needs to be unconscious in order to battle and that his conscious personality is so abhorrently pathetic compared to his sleeping one isn’t new to anime and has been done countless times. Like many people, I expected the usual revelation of Zenitsu having a split personality or alter ego or “dark yandere side.” I’ve seen either it or some variation of it so many times in anime, manga, and video games. I mean, how else would anyone explain his ability to fight while sleeping? It’s the easiest way to have any of it make sense and is the route most stories like to go.

It very quickly seemed like the path his character was taking would be entertaining but ultimately not unique in any way. Seeing as most characters of his type rely on the gag / fighting style in order to remain zany and popular, he most likely wouldn’t develop much past it either. But as the series progressed and very early on (ie. where the anime is now), you come to realize that this simply isn’t the case.

To begin with, it’s apparent just by watching episode 17 that there is no crazy side of his mind at work here. When Zenitsu sleeps, he fights. When he fights, he's dreaming. He states here immediately after waking up that he had such a wonderful dream about being powerful like he’s always wanted. He had a dream where he was strong enough to defeat the demon and brave enough to make decisions. But evidently, that’s exactly what he was doing in reality. When he dreams, he’s the one controlling his own body in the outside world and making judgements on what to do in battle.

How does he do this without say, ramming into a tree about 5 seconds in? He reveals pretty early after his introduction that he’s always had amazing hearing. It was so advanced that it creeped others out and drove them away. One statement he makes in particular is that he can recognize entire conversations that are happening around him even as he’s sleeping. Now, that’s interesting. Why did the series bring that up if it wasn’t important? He can sense someone’s presence, emotions, and even intentions based on sound alone. It’s perfectly logical that, just like Tanjiro, he’s able to detect his surroundings except using his ears instead of his nose. He most likely goes one step further to project that into his dreams in order to fight without any eyesight.

In other words, there is no alter ego. It’s all him. Zenitsu’s just that good. When he sleeps, he’s culminating everything that he trained and all of his hopes and wishes towards becoming a better person who doesn’t run away into that one moment. When he sleeps, he rids himself of all of his fears and doubts so then his body can fight completely on instinct and clear-minded focus. He can do it. But his low self-esteem and fear of dying alone gets in the way. It’s only inevitable that it does. After all, he’s been told his entire life by everyone except one person about how useless he is until he actually believed it. He can’t even stomach accepting compliments on his strength.

That isn’t a normal reaction to being told that one is strong. That scene did a pretty good job of highlighting the contrast between how Zenitsu (very happily) embraces praise on being great versus how he completely rejects the idea of anyone thinking he isn’t a useless coward. It says a lot that his image of himself is so bad that his own body and mind developed this unique way of fighting and force him into losing consciousness as a defense mechanism whenever there’s a threat of death nearby.

Of course, the series makes it no secret that this “running gag” has taken a toll on Zenitsu’s mental health. He always awakens believing that everything he just did only happened in a dream, which explains why he clung to the idea of Shoichi being the powerful one so vehemently. He never gets the chance to confront his fears properly. Subsequently, his hate for his cowardly self grows even bigger each time it happens and so does his belief that he just can’t do it. And that’s what really gets to me. The sleep-fighting is not just a running gag. It’s a snowball effect. The series uses what seems like a gimmick that is so worn down in anime to the point of becoming a troupe and turns it into a young boy’s ongoing uphill battle against his own mind and hate for himself.

That’s why it’s so important that by the end of the series, Zenitsu learns how to fight without sleeping at all.

Yup, that’s right. His character seems to be heading the exact opposite direction of where I thought he’d go because of how counter-intuitive it is. For the sake of his own growth, he has to overcome and be rid of the zany gag that was what initially drew watchers to him in the first place. Eccentric traits such as this are usually a safety net for stories that aren’t confident enough in their plot or characters. It’s how authors get more sales. But Zenitsu isn’t written out to be a butt monkey badass for views. He’s written as a real person. He’s failed. He’s succeeded. Some people believe in him while most don’t, but what really matters is that he starts believing in himself.

Zenitsu as a character really speaks to me in that sense. He can only do one thing. After all these years of training, he can only perform one single attack. It’s discouraging to work so hard and only be able to achieve one goal while others can reach triple the amount with half the effort and time. It’s easy to start running away and thinking you can’t do anything right because of that.

Despite the poetry that shounen anime like to wax, that’s the reality for most of us when our lives are on the line. We complain and laugh about how annoying Zenitsu is when he imitates a whiny baby that screams in fear at everything, but the fact of the matter is that the way he acts is the most realistic given his upbringing of people looking down on him, his past filled with failures, and the effect that his continued sleep-fighting is having on his well-being. Why should he die in this war if it’s inevitable that he can’t win and there are other people much better for the job? It’s a chillingly accurate impact that living in a world where it’s so easy to die at the hands of a demon can have on someone.

However, because Zenitsu never gave up, he managed to hone that skill with the intent of at least becoming the best at that one thing. Thunder Breathing First Form is meant to be a straight one-strike attack. If driving school has taught me anything, it’s that the faster you’re going, the more the most minuscule of mistakes can spiral into gigantic deviations in movement. Yet he’s taught himself how to use Thunderclap and Flash six times in a row (hence six fold) and in six different directions / distance of his choosing in such quick succession that it looks like he's using it continuously. We even saw how his fifth step landed him perfectly on a thread so he could bounce off of it for the finishing blow.

Just imagine how much dedication and training it takes to have that kind of control. He grew up with nothing. He’s trained so hard just to be able to do one thing. Now he’s going to make his “dream” of being powerful enough to help people into a “reality” on only that and that alone. His eventual development away from relying on sleep-fighting is a representation of it. And that’s when he officially started ascending into becoming my favourite character.

[madisonrooney]

hi it's your secret santa! first of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! i hope you have a wonderful day! how are you celebrating, if you are at all? safely, i hope! either way i hope you manage to find a way to have a great day full of love!! consider my christmas gift a belated birthday gift as well lol. anyway i loved reading your last answer, it was so thoughtful and sweet. i realized after reading that i barely know anything about dove lol so follow up q: what about dove makes you love her so much?

sorry for the late response! the last couple days have been v busy and ive been super tired and dissociative on top of it so i made a point to save this bc i wanted to give it my full attention!

first of all thank you!! i was going to do a virtual meet and greet with one of my favs from jersey boys but he got confused about timezones so we rescheduled but were doing it next week! then i went to a virtual walt disney family museum panel, had pizza for dinner and watched some liv and maddie, my mom made a cookie cake that we ate while watching the grinch musical, and then some friends and i watched the jersey boys movie together over skype!

im so glad you enjoyed reading my last answer! and oof thats another loaded question (i love it tho)

- like i said when first talking about what drew me to her and liv and maddie, a big thing is just how much passion and love she puts into her characters. ofc she puts passion into every character she plays, but its the passion she puts into characters like liv, maddie, and mal that means the most to me. that goes back to the fact that ive dealt with a lot of negativity directed towards me for enjoying disney channel, and then you have dove out here saying “yah im a teenager/twenty-something who not only respects what theyre doing on disney channel, but puts my all into it” not to mention she even won an emmy for playing liv and maddie in season 4! i hope that passion and talent has started to change the conversation about disney channel, and tbh i think it has at least a bit.  ofc, none of this is to say other people her age acting on disney channel arent talented and passionate, but idk, something about her has always stood out to me. i find her to be more animated and expressive than most. it can be hard for me to read emotions in live action movies and shows, so thats been really important for me. not to mention she was not only playing the lead but TWO lead characters on a four season show with distinct personalities but also subtle similarities. AND the main character in the biggest DCOM franchise in years for 5 years running now. PLUS the fact that there was a period where those were both happening at the same time. she was only 16 when she started all this and hadnt even had any big roles prior to it!! she had a lot of responsibility so it was amazing to see her not only pull it off, but excel at it.

- i just love like....her aesthetic?? shes always seemed to be a very old soul to me, into old jazz music and poetry and stuff like that. its just very charming. and for her to have that aesthetic on top of being a disney channel actress is a fascinating juxtaposition.

- this is kind of sappy and it gets tiring to hear it said over and over again but that doesnt mean it isnt true: i love how transparent she is about her struggles with mental health issues, trauma, and such. she has been for a long time but even more so over the last year or two. no shade to anyone else, but a lot of actors dont really give you a look into their personal lives, they just share and promote their product. im not saying theres anything wrong with that, its good to know what youre comfortable sharing, ive just felt all the more close to her with her being as open as she is, especially as someone who has gone through trauma myself, albeit different from hers.

- kind of connected to that, i love how important spreading kindness, positivity, and love is to her. thats another thing thats been said a million times but still, its very important to me.

for example. she’ll randomly tweet things like “i love you” a lot. im one to always think of the thought process that goes on behind whatever someone posts, texts, etc., bc personally i put a lot of a thought into pretty much anything i say or do before i put it out there publicly, probably bc of my social anxiety. even tho its a simple statement and takes her a couple seconds to post, she still had to have the thought “i want to remind my fans that theyre loved” or something along those lines. and she has this thought FREQUENTLY. to just randomly get a notification every few days or weeks or so of her saying something like that is just very heartwarming to me.

the reason i connected with miley so much when she helped me through my initial trauma was bc it felt like even if no one loved me, she loves her fans, thus she loves me. thus the person i love and admire the most loves me. even if its only one person, it can be enough. it was for me at the time. i feel that same way with dove. when she came into my life, i didn’t feel as unloved, but her love was still helpful to me.

- of course i need to specifically talk about her kindness in person too. dont get me wrong (ive been saying that a lot havent i lol), i totally and completely loved her long before i met her, but naturally, i love her 10x more after the experiences ive had getting to know her in person.

i could go ONNNNNNN about the experiences ive had with her, and i have lol, and if you already heard me ramble about this in the server i apologize, but the most important thing ive taken away from every encounter ive had with her is this: she always goes the extra mile. she always goes out of her way to make people feel special. what i mean by that is she could say/do HALF as much as she has when meeting me and i would still leave over the moon feeling loved. you can tell she does this in excess bc she really truly means it and cares about people like me, she doesnt have any kind of ulterior motive and isnt just going through the motions doing whats asked of her, she simply cares about me and the rest of her fans. some examples - the first time we met, i was sobbing (lol) and she hugged me for a really long time, rocking me back and forth, brushing my hair with her thumb, calling me sweetheart and honey. she even started to tear up a bit herself. - a couple months later, i went to my first liv and maddie taping. i was preparing to reintroduce myself (i looked a little different bc id been cosplaying as maddie the first time i met her) and ofc when preparing myself, i fantasized pretty heavily as i usually do and pictured myself showing her the pic of us on my phone, her gasping, jumping out of her chair screaming, and hugging me, thinking that was probably way more than i was gonna get. that is EXACTLY what happened. then she went on to tell me how my costume made her whole weekend. things like this would continue to happen where i would set the bar impossibly high and not only would she meet it but she’d exceed it. - our usual interaction from there on would start with her face lighting up when she saw me, her calling me some kind of cute name like love or baby, and then hugging me without me even having to initiate it. - when i saw her in mamma mia, i didnt know when id be seeing her again afterwards after pretty consistently getting to see her for 2 years, so i wanted to make sure we got some kind of closure. at the stage door, i reminded her how much she meant to me and just expected like an “aww i love you too” or something back, but she said “you are an angel in my life” and i will never forget that. obvs, i havent told her ALL the details about what she and her characters mean to me but like...she can tell. she can tell if im in a homemade maddie costume sobbing into her arms that theres something there, and shes VERY appreciative of that. - i thankfully got to see her at a meet and greet a few months later and every time i thought i should get going cuz i didnt want to hold the line up, she would just open her arms for another hug. speaking of being appreciative, she even said “thank you for being such a supportive fan.” as i left, i turned around to say one last goodbye. i made sure she wasnt with the next fan yet and yelled out “bye!” and she yelled back “I LOVE YOU!!” and blew me a kiss. again, its the little things. - i saw her at a small panel in new york a few months after that. she walked in the room when the lights were down as they were playing a clip, she quietly waved hi to everyone, then saw me and loudly whispered HI BABY!!! and stopped on her way to the stage to give me a hug. (then she looked at me from the stage and asked which way i thought she should cross her legs for the interview lol) - sometimes when she sees im next in line, shell give me a knowing smile or whisper “hi baby!!” or something like that. she saw me in the crowd after clueless and seemed to make a point to come to me last bc she knew wed be talking for a while, which we did. she even told me she’d seen me in the audience, asking if i was in the front on the left, which i was.

even all that is still just scratching the surface. weve “known” each other for 5 years now and every time i think she’s done the most she can do, she outdoes herself again. not to mention when im at these events, i see her treat all the fans she meets with all of that kindness too. naturally all of this has made me love her all the more.

- finally, lets just be honest here..........................shes REALLY fucking hot.

[rosaliekali]

Hi, I want to get into writing for Ikevamp but I only know so much about characters that are not released in English. So I was wondering if you could give me a brief explanation of all 15 Ikevamp guys personalities.

I don’t play JP but I can try my best. Starting with the ones we know and working down. Here is a word-vomit of what I have inferred their characters are and what I’ve seen people translate. 

Obviously HUGE, HUGE spoilers for unreleased routes and Act 2.

REALLY, REALLY LONG post under cut.

Napoleon: Napoleon’s personality is a little more subdued and hidden by teasing. He’s confident with his MC and calls her affectionately ‘nunuche’. He has an uproarious laughter that begins with a ‘snnnnrk’ and will tease MC incessantly if the ‘bear in her stomach’ growls. He also has a habit of sleeping in until the afternoon and will instinctually kiss anyone who wakes him up without a care as to who they are (and has kissed everyone in the mansion at least once).  When he’s with MC, he tends to be teasing of her and likes to spend time together. He’s the kind of ‘cool guy’ personality you expect coming from an Otome Game. I’d kind of compare him to a mixture of Alyn from MidCin except not as abrasive and Ray from IkeRev in terms of affectionate but still ‘cool’. He is best friends with Jean and Isaac.

Mozart: Mozart starts off very cool and aloof with his MC. He openly tells his MC that he hates her and finds her a nuisance. It takes him a while to open up to MC and realize he actually has a crush on her. Once they begin dating, he becomes very affectionate with her calling her ‘min schatz’, ‘his treasure’, or ‘his muse’. He tends to be closed off with the others but he is open with his MC and tends to have a pretty high sex drive with her. His personality is comparable to that of Louis from MidCin and Jonah from IkeRev. They both start off cold with their MC but end up becoming very affectionate in the end and are all perfectionists who detest messes and germs. He is best friends with Jean.

Leonardo: Leonardo is poised as the ‘older’ LI type. He calls his MC ‘cara mia’ and loves to tease her. He is more experienced than she is due to his age and is definitely very experienced / has a high sex drive as well. He tends to tease his MC more often and MC often feels like he has the advantage in the relationship because he can tease her relentlessly but he tends to be oblivious to her seduction efforts. He ends up falling in love with MC very early on and states that she is the only woman that he has ever loved and will ever love from then on. He does not ever want MC to become a vampire and tells her he would rather spend the rest of her life with her and keep her as is. His personality is that of Sirius in terms of the ‘older lover’ trope and perhaps Nobunaga from IkeSen although I don’t play it. He is best friends with Comte although he does tend to hang out with Isaac from time to time.

Arthur: Arthur is a little more of a complex character. At first glance, he’s a flirt who pretty much sleeps with a new girl (or multiple at the same time) every night and loves to be bold and unapologetically seductive, although more lurks under the surface. Deep down, he’s actually very insecure and traumatized from his time as a doctor not being able to save his patients. He sleeps with women to stave off the nightmares and ends up falling for MC early on in his route although he thinks she will never like him back because he essentially ‘assaulted’ her earlier. With his MC, he is very flirty and very seductive as well as starved for attention. He repeatedly tells her he will not do so much as look at another woman while with her, says they don’t interest him anymore, and likes to be confident in the fact that she is his although a part of him still worries she will leave him. His personality is like that of Leo from MidCin in terms of flirty but affectionate, and he has a VERY HIGH sex drive. He also doesn’t like Sherlock Holmes, his own character, because he is better than what Arthur seems himself as even though they have the same observational and intelligent deductive nature. He is best friends with Theo.

Vincent: Vincent is described as the ‘angelic’ LI in the game. He is very kind and sweet most willing to lend MC an ear when she needs it. He treats everyone he meets with kindness and is known to even draw the darker characters to his side because of his sweet personality. He’s a little oblivious when it comes to love and relationships, I think Theo alludes to the fact that he’s never been in love before, and he falls for MC pretty quickly but takes a bit to realize. When he and MC begin a relationship, he is very affectionate and wants to spend a lot of time together. He’s also very forgiving of other characters that have wronged him and likes to see the best in people. He is best friends with Shakespeare and Theo.

Isaac: Isaac is an unreleased English route (next on the schedule). He is very abrasive upon first meeting MC because he’s so painfully introverted. He gets tormented by Dazai and Arthur who have made him their favorite target of jokes. He tends to be more quiet and reclusive and has trouble expressing himself with others. The people around him like Leonardo have to clarify what he means to MC sometimes because he comes off sounding harsh although he’s actually a very kind person. He was known as ‘old, friendless Newt’ when he was alive because he never really had any friends and is a genius who is most often found with Napoleon teaching the kids down at the town or with Leonardo messing with things trying to fix them. A lot of his event stories show him trying to be more open with MC because he wants to be a better lover and is self conscious about how he comes off to her. He’s also hinted at being a beast because he drinks more blood than the other LIs and is a little more sex driven than the others. I’d compare his personality to Luka in terms of shyness, but he’s a lot more closed off and quiet than Luka and definitely more abrasive. He also hates apples and his apple-falling story and will become very upset if brought up. He is friends with Napoleon and Leonardo (and Dazai and Arthur despite how he complains about them).

Jean: Jean is a more complex character who is hardly ever seen on screen. He’s very quiet and unexpressive preferring to spend time on his own. He hates himself as a vampire and sees himself as something vile. While he took Comte’s offer on becoming a vampire, he didn’t realize what it would mean to accept the offer of immortality. For this reason, he hates Comte and refuses to even acknowledge him often times or do favors for him. He is friends with Mozart and Napoleon. He appreciates Mozart because they’re both quiet and can simply spend time together without needing chatter and Napoleon because they’re both soldiers and train together. He is hinted at suffering from depression and self-hatred and goes as far as to starve himself of blood because he wants to die. In Mozart’s route, he is shown to have a gun capable of killing vampires and refuses to answer why when asked although we can all guess why. In his route, I’ve heard he tries to push MC away for the grand majority of it until they eventually date and he asks her to kill him / stop him(?) if he ever becomes the monster he fears he is. He’s just very quiet and very self-doubting tending to keep everyone at an arm’s distance. I’d compare him to Louis in terms of aloofness but he’s definitely a lot more quiet and less rude / cold.

Theo: Theo is Vincent’s younger brother and described as the ‘devil’ to Vincent’s ‘angel’. He is rude, abrasive, and does not bite his tongue. He calls MC ‘knabbeltje’ (morsel) to remind her that she is food in a mansion full of vampires and ‘hondje’ (dog) to needle her. While friends with Arthur, he detests his ‘skirt chasing’ ways and is very cold / harsh when rejecting any women that want to get near him. It takes him a long while to open up to his MC, but, when he does, he is shown to be a very kind person. In his route, he lies to MC telling her that they are NOT vampires so that she will not be afraid while she has to stay with them and actually is shown to look out for her even outside of his route. He only pretends to be rude and condescending because he wants people to compare him to Vincent and like Vincent more. He was their parent’s favorite while Vincent went ignored and this has made him feel very guilty so he purposefully makes himself seem as worse as possible to make sure Vincent looks better. Really, he’s very emotionally mature when it comes to relationships and is very respectful of MC as a lover although he still teases her and likes to rile her up by mocking her. He acts as Arthur and Vincent’s wingman / relationship counselor and isn’t afraid to call them (mainly Arthur) out when they do something to offend MC in their own routes. I’d compare him to Kyle from IkeRev in terms of abrasive but very emotionally mature although he is much more cold than Kyle. 

Shakespeare: Will is the ‘yandere’ of the LIs and the main villain in the Act 1 arc. He is one of the first people, if not the first, Comte brought back and used to live in the mansion before he had a falling out with Comte and left. He is the only person that can get under Comte’s skin and he hates Leonardo. He has paired up with Vlad and seeks to write a tragedy starring whatever LI MC is with and herself. Deep down, he is very self conscious of how he ranks with the other Mansion Residents because he sees them all as geniuses in their own rights, but sees himself as something inferior to them. He has a particular way of speaking, speaks in poetry which I’d recommend using a Shakespeare translator when writing for him, and cannot see out of one eye. With MC, he is cold at first but has a way of masking it by making himself sound polite. He does not think much of her at first, thinks she is like any other girl out there, but ends up realizing she’s much more and falling in love with her. He states numerous times that he would love to lock her up somewhere where only he can see her and keep her for himself. The other characters (minus Vincent and Comte depending on the day) dislike / openly hate (like Theo and Leonardo) him and try to keep MC away from him. I think people have compared him to Kenshin from IkeSen although I don’t play the game.

Comte: Comte is the father figure of the mansion and a very complex character. He is the one who brought back all the residents using a magical door. Upon first glance, he is very sophisticated and a true gentleman, but Leonardo tells MC he used to be a wild child who would ‘smoke like a chimney’ and get into random fights back in the day. He is childhood friends with Vlad and they both decided to bring back historical men as vampires in order to ensure their talents are still used to further humanity. However, now he and Vlad do not speak because they had a falling out a long time ago and Comte took the door from him. Comte is hinted at having fallen in love with MC in every route although he tries hard to push her away in his own route. Deep down, he is a very lonely character and has seen centuries worth of humans he has cared about die. He tries to keep MC away from him at first because he is tired of falling in love only to lose someone to time. He rejects MC at first in his route but slowly falls in love and lets himself be open to her. In the end, he becomes a very affectionate LI and realizes that he should value the time he has with her rather than keep her away. Comte also wants to turn MC into a vampire and has offered to turn her in other routes if that is what she wishes. He sees no problem with turning MC or any other human. He tends to show his affection economically showering her with gifts and loves to go shopping with her so that he can purchase whatever she likes for her. The other characters have called him ‘daddy’ as a joke and he takes care of them economically as well (giving Arthur an allowance when he asks) and anything else they want that he can buy without complaint (unless its Leonardo because then he’ll call him a ‘drain on his resources’ and complain about spending money on him). 

Dazai: Dazai is the next character up on the JP game. He and Comte are the first two members of the Act 2 story line and are very cryptic. Dazai presents himself as the ‘class clown’ upon first meeting and seems to always be smiling and upbeat. He loves to tease Isaac with apples and often teams up with Arthur to rile him up although Arthur does not like him as a friend outside of that. Upon meeting MC, he pretends not to remember her name and instead calls her by several random Japanese names. In truth, he does remember her name and grows close to her, but he does not want her anywhere near him. Dazai is a very lonely character who suffered from horrific depression in life that culminated in him taking his own life, and, for that reason, cannot see himself as anyone desirable to anyone. He thinks MC is a very kind and upbeat person that would have to give up too much if she were with him, so he’d rather she stay far away. He does, however, spend time telling the children in town stories and does tend to step in and counsel MC or her LI in some routes if they’re willing to hear him out. Like Arthur, he is a writer and spends his time writing in the mansion, but he gets very upset if MC reads his stories because they are too dark for someone like her. He also tends to look after MC and the others worrying over their well-being when they are in danger and watches after MC specifically whenever Shakespeare gets too close. Really, he’s a complex character with a lot of layers and sadness. He might look upbeat and carefree upon first meeting, but the reality is anything but.

Sebastian: Sebastian is the only human at the mansion asides from MC. His real name is Akihiko (Akihiki?) Saitou. He is from Japan like MC and is a historian who is obsessed with history and keeps a record of the residents and what goes on in their daily lives. He greatly admires Napoleon and Leonardo and gets very excited when they compliment him or show they admire him as well. With MC, he tends to be very teasing and slightly distant. He is in charge of the chores with MC and is shown to order MC around and teases her when she gets something wrong. He is prone to flicking her on the forehead whenever she makes a mistake (MC calls him a tyrant as a result of his disciplining her), yet he does like MC and is willing to lend her an ear when she needs someone to listen or some advice. The others seem to have a lot of faith in him and he is the one running the mansion by keeping up to date with everyone’s meals, routines, habits, and needs. Really, he’s a kind character deep down once you get past the abrasive, cold, and teasing remarks. He also loves to tease MC and her LI in other routes and will root for her to get with the person she ends up with especially if its Napoleon. He is Comte’s confidante and is often found with Comte or doing chores.

Vlad: Vlad is the main villain in the IkeVam series. While Shakespeare is the villain in Act 1, Vlad is the true villain behind the curtain. He and Comte used to be old friends before Vlad traveled to the future and saw that humanity had destroyed itself. From then on, he decided he wanted to bring back famous historical figures and use them to fix / save humanity. However, unlike Comte who brought them back with freedom and with a desire to form a family unit with them, Vlad wants to enslave them to make sure they obey him and will work to save humanity. Vlad is shown to be very polite and kind although distant at first meet, but darkness lurks beneath the surface. In actuality, he sees everyone around him as tools to be used and hates weaknesses in any form. If someone or something is weak, he will discard them because his plans to save humanity have no room for disobedience and error. He runs a flower shop which MC has stumbled into independently (and I think Vincent too?). He appears to be a very sweet character and polite in the beginning but he is very aloof in actuality and, although he likes MC, he will not hesitate to use her to hurt Comte. He has brought back other historical figures in the past like Comte using a door that he has, but they come back incompletely or insane because he does not care to bring them back properly. He also is the one that brought back Napoleon and presumably brought Charles and Faust back since they both call him ‘His Excellency’ or ‘My Lord’. On a lighter note, he loves strawberries and loves gardening with a field of sunflowers that he and Comte used to hang out in being his favorite spot, and, like Comte, loves humanity deeply.

Charles: Charles is the second ‘yandere’ in the series and the former executioner of Marie Antoinette and King Louis XVI. However, he hates the fact that he used to be an executioner and goes simply by ‘Charles’ now. He is a doctor as a vampire and is shown to be very sweet and flirtatious. Like Arthur, he too goes home with a new girl every other night and flirts with MC upon first meeting her, but he tends to use a ‘sweeter’ and more ‘innocent’ flirting approach like Loki from IkeRev than Arthur’s more seductive flirting techniques. Upon first meeting MC, he falls in love with her right away and asks her multiple times in different events to ‘take him home’. However, his sweeter nature hides some darkness beneath. Like Shakespeare, he is a yandere and obsesses over MC. I’ve said before I consider him to be more dangerous than Shakespeare because, when Shakespeare is caught as a villain and Vincent / MC realize he has been using them, he drops the act-Charles keeps it going for much longer. Plus, Charles is not above kidnapping MC and tricking her into thinking that he is her lover (as was seen by an event story-although the premise of it was ‘horror’ so it may have been exaggerated) and is better at hiding his obsessive nature than Shakespeare. He’s more often seen with Faust and calls him ‘doctor’ although Faust doesn’t seem to be very close to him. He greatly admires Vlad and calls him ‘My Lord’ and will do his bidding although he does think it would be great if Vlad and Comte could get along and both sets of vampires could be friendly. 

Faust: Faust is the final character in the Act 2 storyline. Faust is a doctor / pastor who works in the local church. He comes off as extremely cold-hearted and harsh when first meeting him. He sees people as guinea pigs and would love to dissect MC or any of the other vampires if he could to experiment on them. He is based off of Johann Georg Faust, the alchemist, and is a ‘doctor’ with a great intrigue in human experimentation. There is an old legend about him trading his soul with the devil for immortal life which is ironic considering the fact he serves in a church. He has a very harsh outlook of religion and does not like the christian god or the christian church thinking that both are useless and religion isn’t worth the faith people have in it. However, while all these things make him seem harsh, he is hinted at being a kind character deep down. He looks after the orphanage as a member of the church and does seem to have some sort of soft spot for children. He also may abhor religion, but he does allow people to take comfort in him as a priest / pastor? when they need it. In one event story, he listened to a teenager’s confession of robbery and ‘forgave him’ for his sin because the teenager had just lost his father and needed comfort. Really, when it comes to young children, he is shown to be kind-ish although he still acts very harsh and aloof. He falls for MC slowly and without even realizing it with his first birthday story event showing him smiling at the thought of her without knowing. Meanwhile, when it comes to the other characters particularly Vlad and Comte, Faust seems to have some respect for Vlad, calling him ‘His Excellency’ but he isn’t the loyal follower Charles is. He tends to be more cold with Vlad and has remarked that he doesn’t care what happens to the ‘old men’ (Comte and Vlad) or which side wins as long as he has guinea pigs to examine.

[symptoms-syndrome]

Thank you for introducing me to Dar Williams via the songs and lyrics you post here. "when I was a boy" got me feeling something pretty intense.

OMG that song yes...immense Feelings from it yeah. I'm gonna use this as a platform to share my other favorite Dar Williams songs bc I love her so so much and she doesn't get enough love IMO. She doesn't fit into my mostly rock vibe but her poetry is just SO beautiful and her music is astounding so

I also get Feelings from

Alleluia

This is on surface level about lesbian angels, which is already great. It's also I think a statement about "bad kids," which obviously was something I resonated with. This "bad kid" goes to heaven and meets another "bad kid" and falls in love, and these "bad kids" aren't like. Bad kids, even though they get into trouble and stuff. I liked "G-d looks like a guidance counselor, G-d's got that smile" because I know exactly what that's talking about.

Mark Rothko Song (TW for a mention of sui)

Mostly about art and some about loss, it feels very sad. I feel like it's about thinking we're different and special and don't pay attention to others when we should really be embracing that we're all human in the same sort of way.

The Great Unknown (TW for mention of an ED)

Which I think might be a metaphor for coming out? And possibly also about abandoning what you have for some unattainable mystery of Something Greater, and then trying to undo the damage.

As Cool As I Am

Which is about like, solidarity w women as well as maybe being about being sapphic (it's at LEAST about loving other women, romantically or not,) "I will not be afraid of women" is really powerful and she's talking about how men try to turn women against each other with stuff like "I'm not like the other girls" sort of things.

Are You Out There

Which is like a call to all the musicians she would listen to while she was growing up feeling very different and alone. She recognizes that even though she doesn't know other people like her when she's younger, she knows they're out there listening to the same music and feeling the same things.

Those are just my favorites that come to mind, but she has SO many more amazing songs and I'm so glad I introduced her to someone!!!

[podcastenthusiast]

Authors have been revealed for the gift exchange I took part in, so now I can post my fic here too! Just some post-160 angst and softness. (ao3 link)

New Year’s Eve after the apocalypse.

—-

New Year, New World

It would almost be an idyllic winter evening, were it not for the circumstances. A quaint cottage tucked away in the Scottish countryside. Snow blanketing the garden. A crackling fireplace to ward off the cold. Except the cottage is a safehouse that hasn’t felt truly safe in months. Boarded up windows obscure not just their view of gently falling snowflakes but, more importantly, the sky’s view of them. The fireplace became essential for light and heat once the generator died a few weeks ago.

Martin’s phone is largely useless these days, but his calendar app still works. He never expected they would still be in the Highlands at the year’s end. But he never expected any of this, really. Suddenly the world has been flooded with fourteen flavors of evil bullshit, and then Jon was in no state to travel anywhere for a while even if they did have a destination, and then Basira found them, and then they found Daisy.

And then and then and then…

Somehow, it is already New Year’s Eve. Not that the date or even the passage of linear time means as much as it used to anymore. The important thing is they are still alive and together which, selfish as it might be, is all Martin can bring himself to care about.

He glances down at Jon who is finally sleeping, as peacefully as he ever can, his head resting in Martin’s lap. At least the only nightmares he endures are completely his own. The Eye no longer appears to need its Archivist retreading others’ old traumas night after night.

There are more good days than bad ones now, on the whole. Today had been…decidedly not a good day. The Stranger, he assumes, or possibly the Spiral. Either way, for nearly an hour this morning Jon did not even know his own name, and he hadn’t recognized Martin at all.

“Dinner’s in ten minutes,” Basira tells him, entering the room. After a moment’s pause, she asks, “How’re you holding up?”

“We’re okay,” he replies almost automatically, like a mantra he’ll believe if he just repeats it enough. He threads his fingers through Jon’s hair.

“Not what I asked. How are you, Martin?”

“I’m, um… I’m scared, pretty much all the time. End of the world, y’know? And Jon—he’s right here with me, I know that, and he’s doing a lot better, I think. Or at least that’s what I tell myself. But I just…I can’t lose him again.”

“Yeah. I get it,” Basira says, her gaze drifting toward the kitchen where Daisy is busy preparing something that…well, it looks almost like a chicken. “You’re his anchor, though, and he’s yours. I didn’t think that sort of thing really mattered. I mean, how could it? But it saved you from the Lonely. It brought Daisy back to me.”

“You think it can save him, too, if it comes to that?”

Basira shrugs. “It’s all we’ve got right now.”

—

Jon is distracted all through dinner, like he’s trying to catch the lyrics of a song playing quietly in the other room. It will be worse in London, Martin fears, but they can’t stay here forever. Jonah Magnus isn’t going to kill himself, after all.

Daisy pops the cork in a cheap bottle of champagne that she and Basira managed to scrounge up from a nearby village during their last supply run.

“So, think I might take up knitting,” she says. “Anyone else have an exciting resolution?”

Silence. It’s been quite a while since they let themselves contemplate anything beyond the immediate future.

“Fix the world, I guess?” Basira offers.

“Boring, but given the circumstances, I’ll allow it. Martin?”

“I suppose mine would be to start writing poetry again,” he says, sheepish.

“That’s more like it. What about you, Jon?”

There’s no answer. Jon is idly tracing impossible patterns—fractals, it looks like—on the surface of the wooden table.

Martin touches his hand. “Jon? Can you, um…see us?”

“Yes. Yes, I-I’m fine,” he says. “Sorry. What…”

“New Year’s resolutions. What’s yours?” Daisy asks. “Aside from finding a way to stop the eyepocalypse, obviously.”

“We are not calling it that.”

“Too late. You’re dodging the question, Sims.”

“I don’t know, honestly. I don’t want to hurt anyone else. And uh—I think we should get a cat.” The last part he says to Martin specifically, who isn’t sure it counts as a resolution, strictly speaking, but he’s not about to mention that.

“Yeah,” Martin says, smiling. “I think we should, too.”

Daisy turns to Basira. “C’mon, let’s leave the lovebirds in peace.”

Jon chokes on his champagne. Martin feels his cheeks flush. They don’t usually…talk about it. There’s a lot of things they don’t talk about, in fact.

“I’ve missed her,” Jon says softly. And he had, Martin could tell, although Jon never said as much aloud during their three weeks of respite (“The eye of the storm,” he called it later. Martin didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.) He’s just grateful that Jon has a friend, someone who was there for the man he loves when Martin couldn’t be.

—

It’s getting late. Basira takes first watch; Daisy is dozing on the couch before her own shift. They ought to be asleep as well. Jon is considerably more lucid than he has been all day, though, if the guilty expression is any indication, and now he’s just sort of…clinging to Martin. He never thought Jon would be such a tactile person, not that he minds at all. Things have changed between them since the Lonely in a number of ways. He is perfectly content to hold Jon close like this for as long as possible. Words are still a bit more difficult. They’re both trying, the best they can.

“I’m sorry,” Jon whispers against Martin’s neck. “I keep ruining things. First Christmas and now…”

He is referring to another bad day; the Corruption, that time, or perhaps simply a normal illness intensified by Archivist powers. Jon had spent the entirety of Christmas in bed, delirious with fever, a blindfold tied tightly around his eyes. (It doesn’t actually stop the Seeing altogether, just helps take the edge off somewhat.) To be honest, it hardly even ranks in Martin’s personal top five worst Christmases.

“Can’t really blame you if the Eye’s a bit of a Grinch, right?”

Jon’s soft laugh, even muffled against Martin’s shoulder, has quickly become his favorite sound in the world.

“It’s just… I promised I wouldn’t leave you.”

“You didn’t leave me, Jon. And besides, we agreed not to apologize for—”

“—being trapped, unconscious, or otherwise incapacitated. I know. But you deserve so much better than all this, Martin, especially after everything else I’ve put you through this year.”

“You were in a coma. That wasn’t your fault, either. None of this is,” Martin says firmly.

Jon sighs. “I suppose.”

He’s probably just too tired to argue the point, but Martin will take it. This is enough for now. It’s got to be.

“It’s midnight,” Martin says.

“Is it? I don’t think—”

“Do you want to know how I know?”

“Uh…yes?”

“Because I really want to kiss you.”

“Oh. Right. Well, it is traditional.”

Martin can hear the smile in Jon’s voice, which he adds to his mental list of favorite sounds in the world as Jon kisses him.

Whatever the next year holds, they’re going to face it together.