#and while doing that i came across a lot of opinions and posts and takes | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lukolabrainrot · 7 months ago

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Calm theory anon here. I was reading blogs and came across a couple narratives that I wanna give my opinion on for what it's worth. The idea that Luke and Nic are fighting because he didn't like her recent post. The thing that I find most hilarious is I have seen so many people shaming others for assuming more is going on BTS then what we the public are seeing. yet people have made it up in their heads that L and N are fighting. So it's okay for you to think there some big beef but it's not okay to think L and N are in some type of relationship. In order to assess this you kinda have to look at habits. Guys if you look back at a lot of Luke SM habits on insta he doesn't always like everything she post. Maybe it didn't come across his FYP. Or maybe he was told not to like it. I will tell you what I did notice. Luke as I said doesn't like every post of Nic. The other photos that he didn't like were Galway and Brazil. Both places clearly held a lot of meaning for them. So in my delusional state I'm going to go an assume it's the same reasoning. Now Nic is human as we all know. She is flawed and imperfect. But I will be forward in saying if Luke not liking a post of hers actual bothered her she would let him know. She doesn't seem to be that insecure that a like on a SM post would affect her. Now I can honestly say we have all met those woman that demand that but not all woman need a like. I would rather you be there for me in person and tell me in person then make it an obligation. That you must like every post is an obligation that is given. So how does it hold any type of meaning then if a man is only liking a post out of obligation? It takes away any type of meaning and makes it the same as brushing your teeth daily. Also I find this narrative to be very dangerous the idea that Luke chose someone else over Nic. I have one question for those that think this. Have any of you ever dated someone you were extremely close to? And don't tell me they aren't close. You don't know that. They have alluded to hanging out without camera around in interviews. But moving from friends to lovers is an actual scary step. If things end badly you lose your BFF so yes that step should be thought over and discussed. So how do we know they have discussed it? How do we know if they have even stated how they felt? Feelings like this aren't always easy to convey. It's fine to make assumptions. It's understandable to want to explore the reasoning on why they do things. But just remember no one actual knows. But some of these narratives have brought a lot of hate on Luke and Nic and that's all they are narratives. Now my opinion has always been like that on LukolaBrainrot. I think a lot more is happening BTS. We just have to be patient. This isn't our relationship. We aren't celebrities. They have a team of people behind them. They have got this figured out, and I truly believe they will tell us when they are ready.

Thank you Calm Theory Anon!!

I'm just going add a couple more of my thoughts about the last couple of weeks. Note: This is all SPECULATION from the evidence of the last couple of weeks. I feel pretty confident though in my theories. Heads up, this is going to be long:

I firmly believe L was with N in NYC. Did we see him... no. Did we see JD... yes. That's not new though, and signals to me there is nothing to hide there and keep private. We can argue all we want about the handholding video, it doesn't change my opinion. Was I caught off guard... yes, very much so. But it doesn't confirm anything (JUST LIKE PAPGATE DIDN'T ACTUALLY CONFIRM L/A WERE IN A RELATIONSHIP), and I feel more confident than ever that that is one of her closest FRIENDS. If you don't believe that though, I know I won't be able to convince you otherwise. People have also argued that there would have been a sighting (photo/video) of L in NY if he was there. Y'ALL, there were NUMEROUS unconfirmed "sightings" of L while they were in NY... from NY itself, to Cyprus, to Brighton, to Scotland, etc. We have had ZERO in real time photos or videos of him since Sorrento. There's a reason for that... the man is GOOD at being incognito (when he doesn't have people around him blowing up his location in real time). And he's DEFINITELY more famous in London. Period. So if he has been able to go incognito in London for two months, he can go incognito in NY for a week. I'm also going to say this. N stands out a lot more than L, and is a lot more recognizable. I think L can kind of blend into the crowd easier. AND DM just seems to HATE N. Lastly, L/N 100% coordinated those travel posts. They are BOTH smart people and know their fans. They wanted us to know they were in NY together. They wanted us to see that her claddagh is on her left hand now. They wanted us to see the pic of L in N's house while she was getting ready with a ring on his ring finger. They wanted us to see a red bag in the background of her hair product story (regardless if that was the same red bag from L's Brb story). These clues are not subtle. Like the fact is they are in a relationship, and personally, I think they have been for a whileeee. But there appears to be a certain subsection of this fandom that just refuses to listen to the public narrative that L/N have been putting out about each other. And this is how we ended up with the handholding video debacle. A lot of celebs never even give crumbs/clues about their relationship until they are officially public. L/N know their fandom though and knew we would have fun with it. We should consider ourselves very lucky that they catered to us this way. They didn't have to. I don't think they hate MOST of their fandom, but I do think there is a certain subsection of this fandom that has been VERY toxic and they are VERY frustrated with. Which is totally valid.

This leads me to L's story today with the Mayfair comment. The fact is is that there is a VERY good chance that pic was not taken in real time [please do your own research to know why]... I think the point was that he wanted to add to what N said at the Time Award this week and confirm that they are back in Bton mode. Doesn't confirm that they are back in London though. Could they be? Yes. Could they still be in the U.S.? Yes. I think he also wanted to follow up regarding A's SM blast yesterday and reiterate they are no longer connected despite the games she plays that I am almost certain is included in her NDA. He also turned off comments pretty quickly on this story. He hasn't done that at all this summer [I believe] with his stories or posts, despite the onslaught of hate he has received this summer on SM. I think him and N have been testing the water since August to gauge where the fandom was at with their feelings about them as a couple, and wanted to try and minimize the backlash they will receive when they go public. The fact is is that it is pretty common for celebrity couples to receive a certain amount of backlash when they go public (the amount is what varies depending on the situation). With THIS fandom though, and everything that has gone down publicly since the London premiere, there will 100% be backlash from some when L/N go public. I think the comments being off is because L is setting the stage to announce their relationship, and let the cards fall as they may. And comments will be turned OFF. L/N will probably have a certain amount of hate sent to them for a few weeks, as well as adjacent people in their life, but people will get over it. I could be wrong of course, but I have a very strong feeling that they are setting the stage to just announce their relationship. I originally had the expectation that they were planning to go public at some point in NY, but I think what was my own lack of patience more than anything lol I think it was just setting the stage for a public announcement that wouldn't overshadow her accomplishment after they get back from NY. But he wanted people to know (who were paying attention) that he was with her and supporting her during this big moment (even if we weren't going to see them together). I am going to say this one more time. We can argue all we want about the coordinated travel posts, and project out whatever narrative makes us feel better and ease our anxieties. The fact is L/N aren't stupid. They know their fans. They coordinated those posts. They wanted us to know they were in NY together. They wanted us to see the rings. Because they are in a relationship. Period. No one can convince me otherwise atp.

This brings me to my last point... the handholding debacle. N lost control of her public narrative with that. It's just a fact. Her privacy was also violated. Also a fact. I don't believe she was as well prepared as she should have been for the amount of attention she was going to receive in NY, or the frenzy around her and JD. This had to have been a difficult experience for her and everyone involved. Unfortunately, I believe a lot of the interest in a particular group of the fandom has been almost solely on trying to prove that N is in a relationship. She is not defined by who she is dating. L is not defined by who he is dating. No one is defined by who they are dating. So I think N responded impulsively because she was fed up with all of this speculation about who she is dating (when I feel like she has made it pretty clear what is going on for her in that department) and the invasion of her privacy. This is also why I believe it was very strategically planned for neither L NOR JD to interact with her Time post for a while. BECAUSE THAT AWARD WAS ALL ABOUT HER AND HER ACCOMPLISHMENT. It wasn't about them. And eventually L did like it... he was literally with her though the whole trip y'all. Sure he congratulated her in person 😉 And he made sure to put the like so people wouldn't flip out and start spewing that they are beefing and hated each other and whatever other misinformation people would have come up with if he hadn't have liked her post. I think it is also strategic that JD hasn't liked her post yet, because I think he is trying to publicly distance himself from the narrative that was spewed about him and N last weekend. I bet he has also privately congratulated N though as well!

I definitely understand, last weekend was a MAJOR whiplash of emotions. However, I feel like a lot of this fandom reacts emotionally before having all the information (I know I am guilty of that as well sometimes). That is why I took a little break this week from the blog, because I was having a lot of emotions and didn't have enough information at the time to really understand what was going on. I also think there are a lot of narratives put out there in this fandom that are put forth as facts, without a lot of evidence backing it up. And it has turned really toxic in some spheres and led to troubling behavior (ex: the handholding video). I mentioned that I do think N wasn't as prepared as she should have been for the attention she was going to receive in NY (and the coordinated travel posts announcing L/N were going to NY probably didn't help the frenzy), but that behavior from the fan was troubling and not alright.

These are human beings, their lives are messy and complicated just like everyone else's. We also don't actually know these people, and I think we have a lot of questions still, and get anxious that we aren't interpreting information correctly. I have mentioned this before, but I am a VERY jaded person when it comes to the human species. I truly think L/N seem to be very kind and genuine people though, and I don't think they would do a bunch of things just to f*ck with their fans (although they have LOTS of reasons to be upset at some of this fandom). If the dating rumors were totally false, they wouldn't have started feeding into it again in August and would have officially corrected the narrative after the 90 days were over. That isn't what they did though. They both have good teams behind them, and they have a plan for how they want to go public with their relationship. They have been setting the stage for a while. We just have to be patient. It seems to be coming very soon though with the recent moves online and on SM from L/N. And tbh, if you have really been paying attention, L/N have been telling us they are in a relationship for a whileeee. It's pretty obvious to me (IMO).

Again, THIS IS PURELY SPECULATION AND THEORIES FROM WHAT I HAVE OBSERVED!

#lukola theories #just some thoughts #purely speculation #calm theory anon

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astrobydalia · 2 years ago

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more observations (lost count)✨

Hello guys! Life's been crazy lately and I barely have time to make any of the master posts I wanted to, so you'll be getting lost of observation posts that I've been collecting in my drafts for the past months. As always, enjoy!

❗️long post

work by astrobydalia

✨ Sagittarius and Aquarius are so fucking similar. Both of them are chaotic af, love their freedom and think they're smarter than everyone else. People who have both of these in their big 6 have the most unhinged

✨ Libra is WAY more obsessed with perfection than Virgo

✨ Whenever I had Libra or Taurus ASC on my Solar return chart I was lazy AS FUCK. I had no motivation to work whatsoever during those years, all I wanted to do was vibe and enjoy life. I also felt very relaxed and stress-free, when difficulties came I just went with the flow

✨ What is up with Gemini risings and always feeling intellectually insecure all the time? Literally their #1 insecurity is feeling like they are dumb or like they’re not good enough for highly abstract and intellectual tasks/professions. They come across as someone immature who lacks wisdom or has a superficial/simplistic view of things. I feel like this is because they attract people who are a bit of know-it-alls (Sagittarius DSC) and they have a reputation for being scattered-brained (Pisces 10th house) so people tent to infantilize them a lot.

^^^But let me tell you this not true at all, Gemini risings are some of the most brilliant people I’ve met with so much potential. Their problem is that they allow overthinking to get the best of them and end up doubting themselves 24/7. These are the type of people who have amazing ideas but they never pursue any them. They really struggle making decisions for themselves, they always need to ask for opinions first which is not a bad thing but this makes them come across as incapable or as someone who lacks self-sufficiency

✨ Mercurial signs (Virgo and Gemini) like to focus on concrete things and immediate reality, they process life by connecting one thing at a time and taking info as it comes, they focus on what's going on around them cause Mercury is all about multiplicity and details. With Jupiter signs on the other hand (Sag and Pisces) one thing about them is they don't care about details as long as things make sense as a whole, they see life from a more broad and general perspective, they prefer having a birds eye view of things because Jupiter is all about expansion and therefore it likes to encompass many things at once. This is why Virgo and Gemini rule mundane life themes and immediate reality while Sag and Pisces are more about general life lessons and higher knowledge

✨ Scorpio moons/8th house moons are the definition of an energy vampire fr. They just have a really poor understanding of healthy emotional boundaries, they expect you to give your all but aren't willing to reciprocate and always turn everything into a manipulation or mind game somehow which makes it pretty exhausting to be around them in the long run. Don't get me wrong, most of the ones I’ve met were very and good people but they always end up taking my energy away and make me feel emotionally burnt out

✨ Mercury-Mars aspects have this "it is what it is" mentality and really dislike over complicating things by reading too deep into them. They tend to think things exactly as they seem. This does not mean they're simplistic, on the contrary this makes them surprisingly insightful fast thinkers and are not the type to be easily fooled

✨ I've seen people saying that hard aspects between Mercury-Pluto makes people misunderstand your words. This is not true, this happens with Neptune cause Neptune rules delusion, but Pluto is a very blunt and straightforward planet cause it's all about revealing the dark truths. Mercury-Pluto aspects makes someone very deliberate with their words and they know exactly what to say to make their message stick. You will understand their words exactly how they want you to understand them. What happens with hard aspects is that the native tends to have a more provocative approach in the things they say, they don't care if you're offended by what they say as long as what they say makes an impact. People can misunderstand their intentions because of this, but not their words

✨ The ironic thing about Aquarius placements is that they are very good when it comes to connecting with the masses, the public usually feels very drawn to them because they're very good at appealing to collective values which makes them come across as relatable to many people as a result. However, when you actually try to relate to them or connect one-on-one, you will find yourself with someone that is surprisingly elusive, distant and more distrustful than Scorpio placements which is a huge contrast from the welcoming vibe they give off to the public. I've found that the only way you will get close to an Aquarius placements is on THEIR terms lmao, if they've decided they like you, it'll be them who will approach you and/or make the effort to engage with you

✨ A reocurring thing I've seen with Virgo placements is that they really dislike big changes and prefer to stay in control. I think this is not mentioned often cause it's kinda weird to say that about a mutable sign, but Virgos being mercury+earth ruled they feel comfortable relying on facts, data, observations, etc and they use all this tangible info to navigate reality, that's why they rule daily life and routines because they invest a lot of their energy on factually understanding and categorizing their reality (earth signs in general are very attached to the tangible). Their mutable nature shows in that they easily use their knowledge to adapt, find solutions and fix what’s wrong but when they are in situations where these "categories" prove to be useless (aka Pisces themes), they get very triggered cause that means they no longer have control of their reality

✨ That being said another reoccurring thing I’ve noticed with Virgo placements is that they love to predict things. But not in a mystical sense it’s more like they enjoy understanding things in such way that they’re able to easily put a label on them and easily predict what’s going on or how something works

✨ I have not seen a single Taurus placement who didn’t have the most insanely sexy and pleasant voice ever. Doesn’t matter if they sing of not, just hearing their voice is so delightful

✨ Aquarius Mercury really believe their opinions are the most ultimate and correct opinions out there. They are certain that their judgment is always 100% objective (aka always true) so in their mind if you slightly disagree with them that means you’re mediocre, dumb or narrow-minded.

✨ There's always a duality in all mutable signs. Sagittarius can be very humorous and optimistic but also very dark and profound. Gemini can be curious and chaotic but also very analytical and logical. Virgo can be picky and perfectionistic but also very permissive and conformist. Pisces can be very compassionate and wise but also very detached and clueless

✨ Neptune does not do well in air houses/signs at all simply because air energy rules (different types of) information and connections, while Neptune is all delusion and confusion. Also air energy is purely cerebral and rational while Neptune appeals to the unconscious

✨ I have not fact-checked this but I feel like it's safe to say that Mars rules testosterone. Testosterone is a hormone associated to violence or impulsive behavior, sex drive, red blood cells (blood), masculinity, etc That's literally all mars

✨ People always talk about how Capricorn moons have had a rough life but I've noticed this is also very true for Sagittarius Moons?? Responsibilities are not imposed on them like Capricorn, in their case they have to build up wisdom about life through pure and raw experience without anyone giving them a heads up or any pointers first, that's why they grow up feeling like they're fully on their own. Things work out for them at the end but they always have most MESSY life experience it's really crazy

✨ Both domicile and afflicted Mars are ambitious and determined but the main difference is that Libra/Taurus/Cancer Mars need to find some type of enjoyment or fulfillment in their goals in order to get motivated while Capricorn/Aries/Scorpio Mars find motivation in the challenge and endure through stuff they don't find pleasant

✨ From what I've seen males with Scorpio placements are very superficial and will gaslight as a lifestyle. They are the type of people who look the other way or brush things off or never takes anything seriously and I've noticed they do this so they never have to take accountability.

✨ Neptune/Pisces energy either gives “glamorous and ethereal” vibes or “weird in an extremely cringe way” vibes, there’s no in-between

✨ A reoccurring thing I've noticed with those who have Chiron in Taurus/2nd house or Chiron-Venus is that they often have dubious morality or double standards because they don't have a solid values

✨ Every single Libra Moon/rising female I’ve met embodied the material girl stereotype. They really have this “instagram girl” vibes to them if that makes sense

✨ Those with Sagittarius in the 5th house can actually find a lot of joy and happiness in becoming parents or they have a lot of fun with children

✨ Scorpio Mars can't stand not knowing what's going on around them and at first I thought this was bc they were suspicious/paranoid but then I realized it’s because they’re just controlling as shit. They come across as very chill and care fee but they’re actually SUPER controlling dude. Even when they know for sure that they can trust you and you’re doing nothing wrong they still want to keep taps on you and won’t leave you alone. They won't bluntly violate your privacy but will still find ways to always know what you're up to

✨ The resentful and spiteful stereotype associated to Scorpio actually belongs to Leo placements imo. They can be very reactive and childish when you insult their ego and will make it very known that they won't let it go

✨ Cancer North Node people always have some sort of issue or inner conflict with of having kids. They feel drawn to the idea of becoming a parent but deep down they low-key don't? I've also seen many women with this placement who had fertility issues

I have the theory that these natives are conflicted in this topic because they see family as an achievement or a societal expectation (Capricorn south node) so in this life time they have to know what it's like to desire a family for the right reasons and not because they feel like they 'should'

✨ Capricorn risings really are hyper-aware of their public image and how others perceive them. That's why they always end up becoming very popular and respected, cause they know very well where they "stand" publicly so they know how to successfully curate their own reputation. It's not surprising to see this placement a lot in celebrities

✨ Pluto in the 12th house are genuinely unsure of who they can trust which leads to a lot of paranoia and projection. The type to ignore the most obvious red flags but then automatically doubt your loyalty cus you spoke in a suspicious tone

✨ Pisces/12th house placements 🤝 disappearing. Y’all shit on Gemini for ghosting but have you ever met a pisces/12th houser?

✨ Saturn in 5th house people had parents (namely father) who were overly critical of them and their self-expression. Doesn’t necessarily mean they were unsupportive of the native but they were quite hard on the native’s creativity

✨ I've seen a lot of bullies/mean girls have Aquarius placements. Honorable mentions: virgo, Leo, libra

✨ Neptune-ASC people are really good at making themselves invisible when they want and/or making parts of themselves go completely unnoticed even if they're bluntly obvious. I've noticed they actually get away with a lot cause they have this tendency to not be accurately seen by others if that makes sense

✨ Neurodivergent individuals usually have Mercury harshly aspecting (conjunction, square, opposition and inconjuction) Uranus and Saturn. Said Mercury is more often than not in a water house/sign/degree or in Aries. Of course not everyone with these aspects will be neurodivergent, but it's just a pattern I've seen

✨ Pluto-ASC people most of the times fail to have a lighthearted view towards life. They always want to look beyond the surface of things which doesn't really allow them to enjoy life as it is. They often get a reputation for looking too deep into everything and in turn the Pluto-asc native often sees others as superficial

✨ Virgo risings are huge conformist and won’t go after anything that’s outside their immediate boundaries. They only make an effort towards things that are accessible and will quickly lose interest in anything that has difficult availability or requires them to go way out of their comfort zone. They're overall pretty self-serving.

✨ I know several people diagnosed with OCD. All of them have Virgo AND 6th house placements, 22º in their big 3, Scorpio Mercury/Moon and Mercury dominance

work by astrobydalia

#astrology #astro #astro observations #astro notes #zodiac #birth chart #astrobydalia #scorpio #astronotes

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psychedelic-pebble · 7 months ago

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AAAAAH okay so i came across your page a few days ago, and i LOVE LOVE LOVE the way you write for fiddleford. i also saw your recent post about slowing down because life is a little too much right now, so feel free to ignore this, but i'd love to hear other hcs and or more drabbles for fiddleford, nsfw or sfw. he's just so cutie patootie

eek thank you!! writing for Fidds is always so fun, he’s such a silly little goober. i’ve cooked up some headcanons both sfw and nsfw (will be under the cut), so i hope they will do! eat up fellow Fiddleford lovers

Young!Fiddleford HCS!!

Warnings: None for the first half, although there is NSFW content under the cut, so MDNI.

Pairing(s): Young!Fiddleford x Reader

SFW

Fiddleford is generally protective, not to an extreme degree, but he wants to make sure you’re safe and happy. He’s not the confrontational type most of the time but if someone is actively harming you he’d stand up for you.

He loves displaying his affection in somewhat silly ways, and not overly grand gestures. Sure, if it’s a really special day (anniversary, birthday, etc.), he’d make plans and do things with you, but not in an over the top manner.

Like the previous hc, he’d probably take you on smaller dates or more casual things like picnics. Not the type for fancy rich restaurants, not that you’d mind. He has some good spots that make you feel just as loved and appreciated, if not more.

Seeing you do even somewhat domestic tasks warms his heart. Whether you live together or not, seeing you cook him breakfast early in the morning or help you do menial tasks around the house makes him feel all the more connected to you.

That being said, I do think he would be the type to want a long term relationship and future with you. He’d like to spend his life with you and eventually settle down together, maybe buy a nice house somewhere and enjoy each other's company on a day-to-day basis.

He doesn’t like arguing, he‘ll always admit to his faults and hold himself accountable when he’s in the wrong. The last thing he wants is to hurt you, and if he does by accident, the first thing he’s gonna do is try to fix things and make you feel better.

He’s kind of indifferent about PDA, doesn’t mind it, doesn't hate it. He does like it when you hold his hand, although he’d get moderately flustered and have to keep his cool.

NSFW below!! Be warned!

Like I wrote in my other post, he’s likely to be very shy in the bedroom. It’d take a while for him to warm up to it, and he gets flustered embarrassingly easily.

He’s decent at being dominant, although it’d take a bit for him to get good at building up that persona. He wants to do what you like, so he doesn’t risk doing anything that might make you uncomfortable.

He can top if he really tries though, it’d take a couple tries but he’d eventually get decently good at it!

In my humble opinion, I like to think of Fidds as a sub-switch. He doesn’t mind topping, but he’s not the best at it. Asks you a lot if he’s doing okay or if you’re enjoying yourself.

I think he’d really enjoy being a submissive top with a dominant bottom. He’d like being told what to do, especially if you’re ordering him to do it.

Praise kink praise kink praise kink!!!!! Oh my god, call him pretty boy/good boy or anything along those lines and his mind will fizzle out. Tell him he’s doing a good job too.

You have to encourage him to touch you at times. His hands would hover above your waist, desperately craving to grip it but not wanting to hurt you unless you tell him outright that you want him to. Even then, he’d be gentle so as to not rough you up too bad.

If you top him, he gets adorably flustered and embarrassed. Insists that “he should be the one pleasuring you”, and you have to reassure him that this is more than pleasing for you.

He can’t keep quiet for the life of him. Even if you cover his mouth he can’t help the whimpers and whines that escape.

He’s not particularly good at making out, but he enjoys it. Whimpers and swears into your mouth because he can’t help himself.

He covers his face with both hands with an embarrassed groan if you talk dirty to him. It's not that he doesn’t like it, no, he just gets so embarrassingly turned on that he can’t handle it.

#writer #ao3 writer #gravity falls #gravity falls x reader #gravity falls hcs #headcanons #young fiddleford x reader #fiddleford x reader #fiddleford headcanons #gravity falls fiddleford #young fiddleford #fiddleford hadron mcgucket #fiddleford mcgucket

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scaryspears · 2 years ago

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Mortal Kombat x Bimbo Reader

Another test run, and these are just bullet points not full blown stories. I've already written another bimbo reader post so I suggest checking that out. Please do requests if this isn't enough.

This one is just Bi Han, Kuai Liang, Hanzo, Shang Tsung and Johnny.

"I need to die looking good."

Bi Han Noob Saibot

He doesn't understand your constant need to dress up and put makeup on, but he won't say anything about it. A lot of women are just like that, so Bi Han just figured it's a female thing. Misogynistic of him, but he doesn't care.

While seeing him training you gladly set up a chair and watched him from afar whilst drinking a cocktail, and you've attached yourself to him ever since. He couldn't take you seriously at first, but he could only admit to himself that your dense personality was a little adorable.

When the blood got too much you would hide your face in his chest, which he didn't mind even though some makeup stains would go on his clothes.

When he returned as Noob Saibot he swore to make you drop dead gorgeous, even if you already were. But you would join him in death as his revenant lover. Quan Chi was sure to give you the best manicures so long as you were loyal to him.

Kuai Liang

As a man that puts Lin Kuei traditions in high regard he could understand your need for the newest fashion and dressing well. He showed you his wardrobe and you decided to copy his style, which he found adorable.

He likes having tea with you, but you're certain he must try a frappe or at least a smoothie.

Kuai isn't one for public affection, Lin Kuei and all, but he lets you climb over him. If he's not disciplining Frost or the other Lin Kuei then he's snogging you in the snow. After you drag him into it at least. He only initiates things first if you guys are alone.

Although you didn't understand a lot of things he could appreciate you being there for him to give comfort on sensitive topics.

Hanzo 'Scorpion' Hasashi

It was like talking to a different Johnny Cage in his opinion. It was a bit jarring to have you flirting with him and not get the slightest hint that he's not interested since revenge was on his mind. It was after he was brought back as Hanzo Hasashi that he appreciated your presence more.

The Shirai Ryu are ninjas, so that meant blending into society when on mission and you had a lot of things to say about clothing choices.

The Shirai Ryu shrine looked better than he remembered, you had given him ideas on the layout and studied a thing or two on Japanese culture to make it legit.

When he caught you teaching the new members cheerleading moves he knew he had to be more welcoming with you, because those were complicated moves. And it showed him you were no stranger to teamwork. Hanzo could see the beauty in that.

Shang Tsung

This villainous man came across you giving Mileena style tips and fixing her hair. He had no clue how you snuck into the private parts of the palace, but he suspected you were partially from the Chaosrealm.

Mileena didn't react well to your absence, and after Kitana's rejection she seemed to have formed an attachment to you so Shang expected you around the palace. Shao Kahn was glad that Mileena had a nice person to look up to, so he was fine with you in the palace.

Shang had you participate in the tournament for a reason, but he underestimated your powers as well as your fighting abilities. Such beauty in combat is rare.

Johnny Cage

Barbie and Ken in the eyes of many Earthrealmers, but you two are the 'it' couple when it comes to vanity, expensive taste, and being drama queens.

He is your husband, your best friend, and your mirror. Your super power was convenience and getting yourself out of serious situations, but how it acted up was at random times. Johnny could relate to that.

In the meantime, you could both bathe in the spotlight, and the cameras. And your friends from home can be jealous and gush about you marrying an actor.

It was a match made in pink and green.

#mortal kombat bimbo reader #mortal kombat headcanons #bimbo reader #mortal kombat x reader #sub zero #bi han #noob saibot #scorpion #female reader #johnny cage #kuai liang #hanzo hasashi #shang tsung

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themoreitisreproduced · 2 months ago

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To AGE is a Blessing

-as Marisha Ray once said.

In the world of social media, it seems almost a given that artists, who are so regularly pushed to the side and ignored by algorithms, are finally in a competition so fierce one might compare it to the Olympic games themselves. Regularly artists are driven off of social media platforms, away from arts groups, and away from art all together by the social media machines desperate attempt to value the worth of their work based on likes. Is this a modern concept? Well, if we are simply talking about social media, then yes, it is, but the pitting of artists against one another has never been something that is strange to the art world. After all, there are only so many spots in a gallery. Something else that remains similar to the artist who came before in today’s day and age is the need for artists to group together. Older examples might be things such as The Brotherhood of the Pre-Raphaelites or the Surrealist painters, groups of artists who decided they enjoyed each others work and wanted to make work together, as a group. Though smaller now, these art groups have stood the test of time and still exist today, aided by social media.

One such art group is the A.G.E, the Artists Guild of Exandria. Exandria, the fictional world from hit D&D actual play show Critical Role, is a world of dragons, monsters, battles between Gods and wild, wild adventure. Now, when reading this you may be thinking to yourself, oh, so the A.G.E is an official project of Critical Role, but that is not true. Like many of the groups that came before it, the A.G.E is a collection of self-directed artists who want to make the world ever so slightly better than they found it. If that is through the use of art, then so be it. Similarly to their forefathers, the A.G.E utilises new and exiting exhibition states, such as social media, to show the work of their artists. Stretching across every continent and numerous cities, countries, and cultures, The A.G.E brings people together to create art about a show they all love and appreciate.

Again, I can practically hear people reading this asking themselves why. Why should you care what a bunch of fan-artists (most of whom have full-time jobs or full-time education) do in their spare time? It’s not as though the artists there are doing anything new. They are simply rehashing old characters and stories and pulling at people’s heartstrings in a cheap and easy way, as all fan artists do. After all, it’s not like fan art is a real genre of art. Firstly to that I say that is a lot of questions and most of them are statements, and secondly I say, if fan art is not real art, I urge you to look at any painting done in the renaissance period. Most of the art done is inspired by or from the bible itself, and while Critical Role is not the bible, artists have always taken inspiration from popular media of the time. Take, for example, Andy Worhol, who’s many works inspired by popular culture seem to be the only thing people recognise him for. It seems to be that when art became accessible through means of posting on social media, suddenly there was a huge upset about who could be counted as an artist and who wasn’t.

I have mentioned before the rage I feel at the class divide in art. It is almost glaringly obvious throughout history and even more so now, when everybody can have an opinion about every and anything. You will not see any of the pieces produced for The A.G.E’s projects hanging in a gallery. Instead, you will see them on social media, spoken about in friendly conversation, and forming a new medium of gallery and display all together. A medium that, instead of being a large white cube that focuses on separating the viewer from all the context in the world, not allowing them to think about what events might have inspired the artist, allows the viewer to think about how these pieces connect to their favourite characters. The way The A.G.E exhibits their pieces may be a lesson to all museums and galleries – there is value in the digital (not A.I) pieces being exhibited as they are meant to be seen, on a screen. The A.G.E members all have jobs, or a full-time education outside of art. They are not doing this for the money, they are doing this because they love it.

Now, again I hear you ask about the issue of Copyright. What about the original characters? The ones made by Critical Role? Are the creators not bothered by this blotch on their copyright? You might be screaming down with the A.G.E! Perhaps I have not been clear enough about how Critical Role works. Yes, whilst they still retain all their copyright to their characters, the cast and creators of Critical Role actively encourage fan art and fan works to be made and posted about their story. They encourage it so much to the point where one of the cast members is known and gladly accepts the title Art Dad, and they have a monthly show reel of fan art made. They even have a section on their website addressing this!

But what makes The A.G.E special, you’re probably now asking. What makes them different from every other artist on social media trying to make it? Why them, why not a bigger group? I hear you ask why, why, why, and I say back because they are good. Not just the technical skill of the art, The A.G.E is full of good, encouraging people and artists. Many people in the A.G.E are around to offer technical help on project pieces, sit with you whilst you work, or even just play a video game or two. You can feel the human connection in The A.G.E when you view any one of their projects, the time, love, and collaboration that has been placed into it right from the beginning, which is how art should be made.

The A.G.E works very simply. Every few months or so, a new project will be announced, ranging from tarot cards to a toy workshop, and people will submit for certain characters to be given to make or draw. I will not pretend to know how this works, I have no idea, but I do know, quite simply, the people who assign the characters are nothing short of magic. You would think that only being allowed to draw one character causes chaos and makes people hunt each other for sport, which is where you would be wrong. Dreadfully so, in fact. As I have mentioned previously, The A.G.E is full of good, kind people with hearts bigger than their chests can carry. Critical Role has well over 100 named characters, so the pickings are often wide and varied. You could have someone pick a main, leading man or lady, or a side character who was only in one episode, hell, someone even once drew the fly swatter the cast use, so the choice is entirely up to the artist.

Now, I see you beginning to understand why The A.G.E is so special, and why it sparks such joy to write and view. The need for human connection in this day and age, especially post pandemic, cannot be understated, and The A.G.E provides that. Whether through talking about projects, or leaving support on people’s pictures, The A.G.E has an inspiring amount of connection in and outside of its projects. So you can say to yourself, The A.G.E is just a bunch of fan-artists, and I will say yes, yes they are.

And isn’t that beautiful?

Words: 1310

(Note: This post includes no images of the work of the members of The A.G.E, however I strongly encourage you to look at it yourself. Every members post is reblogged by the main social media account - @artists-guild-of-exandria. As also seen on BlueSky.)

#Critical Role #The Artists Guild of Exandria

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9w1ft · 8 days ago

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Happy Eye Day

to celebrate 6 years of the eye theory, i reached out to you all for questions! thank you all for sending them. i picked out 9 to answer. this was a lot of fun!!

if you have any favorite eye theory memories or your own answers to these questions, feel free to add them on!

(if you’re new to the eye theory, tap here!)

👁️ Where were you—physically and emotionally—when you first began piecing together the elements that would become the eye theory?

I remember it was early spring 2019.. rep tour had ended that past november, taylor had reportedly bought that lotto ticket in ireland, TheSwiftLife app had closed on february 1st, and we had just started getting inklings that a new era was upon us as taylor had begun shifting her instagram aesthetic from reputations’ deep monochrome palette to one of pastels and dreamscapes. i had been coming off of a true puzzler high. i was super super into the taymojis as some of you remember, specifically how the main app account had been distributing them via their page throughout the previous year, and trying to draw connections between that activity and general kaylor activity. all of this to say, that chapter of my kaylor journey had closed and i was eagerly awaiting the next. one day in march, i think, @swift-79 approached me via dm’s with the idea which became the eye theory: that the right side eye that appears on the rep tour poster photo, a shattered version of which appears on the skin of the CD, which was packaged with the rep album promo magazines, was in fact a photo of karlie’s eye. perhaps, even, partially her face. her realization, which she came across and pieced together with her coworker, came after taking a photocopy of the CD skin and cutting out the different shards of the photo to try and piece them together to see if they created a full image. what they noticed in doing so, was that the resulting image seemed to focus a lot on the right side eye, and, when hanging the image up on a wall, up against the full photo, they suddenly noticed how much that side of the photo was reminiscent of karlie’s face. she came to me and asked my opinion, and i began the process of evaluating this over the next few weeks, with my ultimate goal being to see if i could find the seminal photo of karlie that it might have been based on.

👁️ How long did you sit with the idea before deciding to share it publicly? Was it a quick impulse or a slow build? What was the first image, lyric, or moment that made you go, “Wait… something’s going on here”?

one thing i had been struggling with is that while a lot of photos looked similar, there were certain structural differences between taylor and karlie’s faces, mainly, their brows. over the years i’ve absorbed this knowledge: that you never want to upkeep your brows in a way that makes them look symmetrical. rather, they should look like cousins. in the case of taylor and karlie, their more arched eyebrow exists on opposite sides. so while the shape of karlie’s eye itself often matched up super well with taylor’s, the brow placement never really worked. and so while i really could have put together an initial theory post sooner, i was adamant on getting it as right as possible because i knew the first impression among readers would make all the difference.

i remember it was while i was looking for exact photos, i had been pouring through karlie’s work and came upon a piece of estée lauder promo on youtube, where karlie was showing how to apply a serum on your face (the eye area) using your hands. she had placed her hands over her face in a similar fashion to that of the rep tour poster photo, and i at once paused the video, took a screenshot, and tried to match it up with the poster photo. and due to the angle of the face, i flipped the photo of karlie and realized how well it now matched. it was kind of a… jaw dropping moment for me. and i continued on to find a handful of examples where a flipped photo of karlie’s eye really made a great match with the right side of the rep photo. to swift-79’s true credit, she pushed me along with writing the op and got the post timing right. i might have waited longer but she was correct in thinking that we ought to post the theory before taylor truly began rolling out ts7 and the opening in the conversation went away. so we posted on April 18 (i think?) some time after midnight my time.

👁️ What kind of response or engagement were you expecting when you hit “post” on the first eye theory entry? Did reality match that expectation?

i really didn’t think it would take off the way that it did. oh my god. like, i did have faith in the theory, quite a bit, but at the time ts7 theories were all that was on everyone’s mind at the time, counting palm trees, cushion buttons, stairs, holes in fences, etc… so putting out an abstract post rooted in rep era and rooted in kaylor felt like it wouldn’t capture the attention of tumblr. boyyyy was i wrong! perhaps, as people were more open to clowning (as rollouts often allow for), people were more open to something like the eye theory. or maybe, it’s just that it’s that good. that’s what i happen to think. that if you notice it and recognize the essence of karlie’s face in the right side of the photo and it clicks? there’s simply no turning back. it’s the most giddy feeling i think ive ever felt. the moment that i couldn’t unsee it. i think this was true of a lot of people.

👁️ When was the first time that Taylor or Karlie did something that seemed to be in response to, or recognition of, the eye theory? What happened and how did you feel?

It certainly was a thrill for taylor to go on and release the ME! music video only an handful of days later, by putting her hands onto her face not unlike the rep photo, and then for the opening shot of the music video including a snake with a blue eye to the left and a blind looking eye to the right. that morning i was at the bus station sharing pleasantries with my neighbors, one earbud in my ear and another on the conversation, and eye on my phone, when i noticed it all. i had to excuse myself and walk to work instead because i was quite literally having a nervous breakdown 😆😆 oh and of course weeks later taylor goes on to share the lover album art on instagram live with a HEART OVER HER EYE. with karlie, i distinctly remember the first time she took to instagram with a post of her showing off her makeup, when she zoomed in on her eye.. oh man. to this day, it TRULY never gets old. the mischievousness is contagious. felt like the universe winking at me.

👁️ Were there any posts, interviews, or moments happening in the fandom or in the world of pop culture at that time that felt like they were directly feeding into what you were observing?

in general, the culture of the time was high theorizing over ts7. taylor was still on tumblr and we all were too, and it definitely affected the mood around theories. everyone had an appetite for it! maybe that’s what helped it along in the beginning and in the early days. i think that in principle, evil eyes as a motif are something that weave in and out of the cultural zeitgeist in waves, so it’s a little bit hard to fully say oh, everything in the taylor swift expanded universe suddenly included eyes because we pointed out the eye theory. but i did sense a certain amount of pop culture connection. over the next few weeks people in taylor’s circle most definitely covered eyes in their social media posts and for what it’s worth, i firmly believe it wasn’t all simply coincidental. especially if you believe taylor was going somewhere with her best laid plans in lover era. i think it’s plenty possible that people who were in on celebrating her journey and may have been in the know about this may have helped out or found it funny or celebratory.

but anyways this was the beginning of 6 glorious years of learning just how ubiquitous evil eye motifs and eye covering poses etcetera really are in our culture. both in looking back at past stuff taylor and karlie had done or was involved in and thinking about what did or didn’t “count”.. but also, as eye symbols exist in our everyday world. it brought so much joy into my life, to turn a corner and see a poster on the side of a building with the corner ripped off, leaving a cartoon of a dog missing half their face, etcetera. it was everywhere and it was too too funny. a lot of mutuals and close followers remember what that was like, i think, the little inside jokes that came from that setup.

👁️ Did you talk to anyone else about the theory before you posted it? Was there anyone who validated or challenged it early on?

aside from the the idea originators, i do think i ran it by some of my mutuals at the time for opinions. in particular i was excited to share with @theprologues because during rep era we had both been following evil eyes as a symbol in general. the swarovski bracelet, taylor’s eye ring, karlie’s 2016 evil eye nails or her jacquie aiche custom eye patch jacket, etcetera. once i posted the original post, i had so many enjoyable conversations with many bloggers of the time, some that are still here, some that have sadly moved on from tumblr. i did get challenged by some, i have some funny stories actually, but overall i was on cloud nine and there was nothing that could bring me down from it. the weeks i had spent looking into it beforehand truly did pay off in that regard, i think. not that i could persuade everyone but rather that nobody could dissuade me. my ego happily grew from there 😌

👁️ What is your response to people that don't believe in the eye theory? Even if both eyes are Taylor's, it's undeniable that Taylor and Karlie reacted to the theory and ran with it.

i think often the premise is misunderstood, but i haven’t been in too much of a rush to correct anyone because the theory has its own legs and people not believing it doesn’t hinder my enjoyment of it nor does it stop stuff from happening. often i see people mistaken that the theory is about the rep album cover photo, when it’s only ever been about the tour poster photo. sometimes people don’t put in the effort to look for photos of both of them where the angle of the face can be matched, etc. also i feel like some people get really focused on a pixel level on the photo instead of taking a step back and looking at the photo and simply recognizing that the right side of the photo looks like karlie and how that’s the overall point, a point which makes sense under the premise that karlie is the hidden muse of the reputation album.

as you have alluded to in your question, i don’t really find a discussion of the truth of the theory to be too productive because i think it’s pretty clear that it’s real. the reaction to it, from them both, has been so real and continued. and i think that is the more important point, that it’s this sort of inside joke that we have with them. and if they can have an inside joke with some kaylors, what does that mean of kaylor? sounds farfetched but i truly believe it, even as time passes. also, i think it’s possible to enjoy the theory without believing it to be actually true. and for me, if the community at large is more happy and having more fun, that’s more important than proving something to prove some people wrong, you know?

👁️ Why do you think this one is so special to them? As you've said before, sometimes they tend to stop things the second we pick up on the trend. But they just keep on with the eye flagging.

i’m not sure but honestly part of me wonders if it’s just because it’s funny to them 😆 or that it’s like a.. low cost high payout thing to do. a way to make some of us smile! it’s also possible that it’s origins are more sentimental and precious than we know. at one point i floated the idea that the gold heart locket is actually a lovers eye locket, that maybe a picture of karlie’s eye is in the locket, or maybe karlie has one too with taylor’s eye in it, and i think in that case it could just be a really sweet motif for them. maybe it feels like a good luck charm sort of thing?

at the same time i assume at some point it’ll come to a more quiet happy place where it’s only something referenced every once in awhile. i think i’ve archived everything annually to gauge that, to see the extent to which it is still being referenced. their social media presence overall has really dwindled in recent years but even this year, we have gotten one or two things each month so far.

👁️ How has the “eye theory” evolved since its inception? Have there been any surprising developments or revelations that have reshaped your perspective?

i think the biggest thing for me has just been seeing the reception of the theory as it finds new audiences and reaches new shores. the eye theory’s presence on platforms like tiktok and twitter grew, and we got name dropped in major magazines, introducing a new wave of enthusiasts to our ongoing exploration… through the eras tour many of you sent me clips and pics of eye stuff that happened on tour, some of you incorporated eye patches and embroidery and stickers into your outfits… i had fun exchanging eye theory friendship bracelets… it’s been such an amazing couple of years. i’m continually amazed by the community that has formed around this theory. your insights, enthusiasm, and shared discoveries have enriched this journey beyond measure. it’s shaped the way i’ve thought about communication, what i value, and the way i think about taylor and karlie, too. it’s really helped this all become my happy place. i LOVE every moment ive had crashing out with all you day in day out. here’s to six years of seeing, connecting, and staying curious! and here’s to many more. thank you all for being part of this ever-evolving narrative 🫶

#all eyes on us #feeling emoshunul

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slitheringghost · 3 months ago

Note

Your five worst opinions:

You think that across two aisles and up a third is the same thing as three rows to the right

You think Voldemort thought of himself as Tom (I can't find this post so maybe that was a nightmare I had)

Some of your opinions along the lines of the James/Snape relationship give James too much grace

You severely overestimate Lily's magical prowess. I respect your central thesis about Lily intentionally defeating Voldemort even though I don't agree yet, but I don't see enough evidence that she did exceptionally well in school or was a skilled duelist

The rest of your opinions are fine. If I had to pick a fifth maybe the thing about Lily helping up Flitwick when he falls over

1. I’m right 2. I’m right 3. I’m right 5. I’m right

4. THIS IS A MISOGYNISTIC ABOMINATION OF A TAKE and I shall prove you wrong. Here’s all of the evidence.

Lily as a brilliant student

- Lily was Head Girl, and all of the Heads we know - Tom Riddle, Dumbledore, Percy Weasley, Bill Weasley - are said to have gotten top grades (Percy and Bill got twelve OWLs). James as Head Boy is similarly brilliant (“exceptionally bright”, “cleverest students in the whole school”, creating the mirrors and the Map and Animagi, thinking the DADA exam was a piece of cake, etc.) I think some of those are political decisions too (maybe why James was chosen over Sirius, who based on Slughorn’s words/what we see/my biased preference lol, might’ve been a bit more brilliant than James) but top grades does still seem to be a prerequisite for the position, and they’re handpicked by Dumbledore.

(It’s more dubious how much grades count with prefects, given some of the choices: Ron, Remus who is very smart but presumably gets lower grades than James and Sirius, Lucius Malfoy who never really shows himself as exceptional at any magic).

- Slughorn calls Lily “one of the brightest he ever taught” and he taught Tom Riddle. While Slughorn has some… dubious choices and picks people based on fame/charm/connections/etc too, he clearly can also recognize talent: he praises Tom, praises Hermione’s talent in the first class, praises Snape, praises Sirius in the same scene as Lily, all of whom are canonically brilliant.

And if it was about other factors in Lily’s case rather than pure talent, it would’ve been considerably more advantageous for Slughorn to praise James as a pureblood boy, with a father with a Potions business if you accept that extracanon, rather than the Muggleborn girl.

- Lily’s wand is said to be “nice for charmwork”; in the same scene, Ollivander says James’s was good for Transfiguration, and James is clearly a Transfiguration prodigy, so it’s reasonable to extrapolate that Lily was then a Charms prodigy.

- Slughorn mistakes all of Snape’s modifications as Lily’s work, which means Lily came up with similar modifications and/or Snape and Lily came up with those together (similar to how the Marauders invented the mirrors and the Map together), and specifically praises her as being an exceptionally innovative and out of the box thinking student. Snape and Lily are implied as intellectual equals, and I think it makes a lot of sense that their abilities would match up nearly perfectly with each other’s until their friendship broke off, which I’ve elaborated on in this post (go down to the Snape and Lily section).

(Additionally though, based on Slughorn being Head of Slytherin House, his other favorites, Tom asking him for info on horcruxes, etc., he does consider talent on several scales and his statement about Lily being the brightest he ever taught goes beyond Potions and is about her as an overall student)

- There is of course the parallel of Tom Riddle and Lily both controlling wandless magic and doing unsupported flight before either of them even knew what magic was. Lily’s flight is different from that of Neville, Harry’s, etc accidental magic because Lily is in full control of it, and is indicated to have practiced it often enough for Petunia to tell her not to do it.

Since Tom calls himself “flight from death” at 15, I do assume Tom had a similar flying ability as a child and what we see in DH is the fully trained version of that. However, you could say this is more about innate magical power than intellect and skill, though it does suggest boundary pushing and a penchant for experimentation on both their parts. The rest of the parallels in their magic also indicate Lily being as brilliant as Tom.

- While explicit confirmation that Voldemort tried to recruit Lily and James is extracanon, I do think Voldemort telling Harry “Better save your life and join me or you’ll die like your parents… begging me for mercy” is evidence towards the idea that he did ask them to join (especially evidence for Lily, since Lily is the one who died begging for mercy). I could also say a lot about Voldemort evidently recognizing Lily’s magic and giving her credit for deflecting the Killing Curse, but that would be a whole other meta.

Dueling ability

- We know that James and Sirius are immediately wary of Lily’s wand in SWM. Sirius in particular is able to hold Bellatrix off for a while in the DoM battle and taunts her and they’re paralleled in combat (their laugh, etc) which implies they dueled together a lot, and Bella is Voldemort’s best duelist and parallels Voldemort in battle. So Sirius is at a similar level to Bella (though I think Bella is still better, just as Voldemort is still better than Bella). And Sirius is wary of Lily’s wand which means he sees her as a genuine challenge as an opponent, as does James. (James and Sirius also mimic each other in battle which implies James was also skilled).

- Of course, that’s their dueling ability at 16 - it’s possible they diverged later on. I see Dumbledore as playing to their strengths while training them for the Order. So Lily was assigned more the healing/cursebreaking/Dark magic expert role while James and Sirius were primarily in combat (tho Sirius also had some Dark magic expertise and I HC he was a wardcraft expert and was assigned the role of enacting protections on civilians’ homes), so by 1981 I think Sirius and James were better duelists than Lily, but Lily was still an excellent one.

- (I would add joining the Order as evidence, but, well, there seem to be a lot of Order members with mediocre talent and/or were picked for other reasons than skill, so that’s not great evidence).

There are probably more details but I’m stopping here for now.

#YOUR worst opinions 1. you’re a snapewife #2. you’re a peter enthusiast instead of having the correct view of him being incoherent as a character #3. you think jegulus is interesting and that both characters individually are interesting #4. your opinions about lily are terrible and misogynistic smh #what’s next… hermione was not actually that smart?#bellatrix wasn’t a skilled witch?#5. you think voldemort calls himself voldemort and not tom #lily evans #lily evans potter #lily potter #asks

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struggling-jpg · 5 months ago

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2.7 Quest Thoughts

Spoilers Under Cut, it's a long one and is kinda incoherent and definitely doesn't cover everything I would've talked about in proper detail v-v

I felt heavily moved by the themes of this quest. Both Sunday and Tingyun (Fugue) are characters met with a huge shift in their worldview due to near-death experiences (especially on Tingyun's part with death), so I just wanted to word-vomit about it.

Tingyun first since her section in the quest was shorter, but the fact that they brought up the whole thing where she technically never met the Astral Express and how having Phantylia copy her so closely felt tickled the part of my brain that loves when media explores these topics and scenarios. The confusion and heartbreak that comes with having most of your existence taken and used, people experiencing "you" without it actually being you but being so close to you that you can't even find much comfort in the fact that it wasn't you (say that sentence twice ToT). Also how the trauma comes in the form of "Destruction" creating scars in her that won't ever leave, and while she's troubled by it, and will continue to be troubled by it, she chooses to take a step forward and take action, which is really cool for her in long term storytelling! I just hope we get more time with her grappling with these changes while she makes these strides, because of course, as established, those scars won't heal (at least not so easily). I have more thoughts but I don't think I can put them into coherent words at the moment.

Now, onto Sunday, he's always been an interesting figure in this game, especially his place among the player base and fandom. Genuinely, I think he's one of the most easily misread/misunderstood characters in HSR through a matter of media literacy, which is a mix of many things, and a slight failure of Penacony's long-winded writing, but that's a discussion many people have already brought up (plus a very fair criticism). Despite that, I think Sunday's intentions were pretty straightforward in the end, but for the sake of memes or something else, I've noticed that quite a bit of players twist him into something more malicious than he actually was (which tbh, he wasn't malicious at all).

(Part of me wonders if, in terms of players that also play Genshin, stemmed from the comparisons with Wanderer/Scaramouche, which that in itself is a can of worms I might make another post on.)

He's a lot of things. Very empathetic to the plights of those who can't fight for themselves, very meticulous and orderly (to the point disorder makes him feel uneasy), very sacrificial (self-sacrificial specifically, which I think players have confused with him having a "god complex" when it's more of a "savior complex"). Considering his background, he identified and related with the "weak" even if he wasn't fully aware of that before. All these traits that were shaped by his upbringing come to light in this quest.

Learning that Wonweek was a fragment of Sunday was really interesting, and what made things better was how their interactions near the end were handled. It could've been easy to do the merge and have Sunday "change" in ways that would have felt cheap or a speedrun of sorts to "redemption." But the thing about this quest is that this is just the starting point, so having Sunday express dislike for Wonweek, and while admiring certain traits, decide to maintain himself as he is now was great, in my opinion. It gives Sunday things to work towards at his own pace but also doesn't invalidate the intentions he came in with, which is the point Hoyo seems to be taking his journey with. Sunday's perspective wasn't entirely invalid like some players have made it seem to come across, it's just that his approach ended up being extreme/wrong. I appreciate that HSR didn't do a "we're absolutely right, you're completely wrong" approach with Sunday. I think it makes this new chapter in his journey feel more like a first step instead of a one-and-done "redemption quest."

Now we get to directly see Sunday trailblaze, learn, be challenged, grow, and have a potentially satisfying arc that spans over a longer time, which fits HSR's long-term storytelling. I, for one, welcome Sunday onto the Express.

I don't think I've been able to express my thoughts that well, but I wanted to do this while my emotions and memories were still fresh.

On another note, I found myself tearing up at the interactions between Tingyun and Yukong + Sunday and Robin. When you're aware of the contexts and backgrounds of these characters, it just makes the moments hurt more. There's so many things I could say from each conversation but I'm sorely lacking in the elegance to express them all. Different forms of support and parting, it's so bittersweet. (Yukong, my girl, I know you are suffering frfr)

Robin talking about Sunday and saying that he's stronger than most people but as a result, people expect him to get up faster when that isn't the case just got me, especially since he was actually agonizing over things in real time. The siblings make me sad, and I love their love for each other. The whole, we don't have to fly out together because we'll meet up in the sky stuff has me being a mess out in these parts. Maybe in a later post, I'll be able to talk about these parts with better articulation.

But for now, cheers to taking that first step forward!

#honkai star rail #hsr #hsr sunday #tingyun #hsr fugue #yukong #hsr robin #hsr spoilers #sunday fills me with a lot of feels #i think i related to sunday a lot #especially in terms of being “normal” and “weak” people #that experience of growing up without much experience in actually going out but also hearing a lot of stories #that bring out the worst in humanity #it's a shame that he's been reduced to “villain” or the charmony dove copypasta for a lot of ppl #can't wait for his goofy interactions with the AE #struggling jpg loves #struggling jpg thinks

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sofiareidings · 2 years ago

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I'm Not Yours

Summary: You're getting over a breakup and meet a cute guy on a case, what you didn't realise was that your best friend has been waiting for years. Warning: Swearing

A/N: I'm sorry my post is so late!! I had it queued up to post at 9am like normal and then it didn't?? And then I had a math test so I couldn't go on my phone or anything, AND THEN HALF THE STORY JUST DISSAPPEARED SO I HAD TO REWRITE IT?!?!? It has been quite the hassle. Also this was a prompt from @andiebeaword's 3000 follower celebration! The first sentence of the story was the prompt. Also, I meant for this to be gn!reader so if anyone sees any she/he pronouns for reader please tell me! Love you all <333

Word Count: 1.5k

Song Suggestions: Yours - Conan Gray

"I can't stand you choosing another person over me, again."

***

His bright blue eyes shined in the sun, a ray hitting across his face perfectly. Pushing his short brown hair out of his face while smiling at you made your insides flutter, completely forgetting about your ex now.

"So as I was saying, it would be best for you and your team to set up here. There's lots of room and we haven't used it in years." His voice came out in this long, deep tone. JJ walked into the room raising an eyebrow at you before taking over the conversation with the officer.

"What was that look?" Jumping slightly, you turned around and saw Penelope. It was that once a year situation where she actually had to join the rest of the team for a case. "Someone likes the officer."

The girls took any chance they could to get you to talk to the guy. They weren't wrong, you did think he was insanely cute but, you just weren't quite sure if you had the guts to really talk to him.

"I do not!" You laughed, "And even if I did…it's not like anything could happen." Penelope continued pestering and Emily joined the conversation and made sure to give her opinion as well.

***

"You better at least get his number, we're only gonna be here for a few more days." Penelope had been bugging you the most out of anyone, "Well, I let you sit on that thought. I need to go work my wonderful magics so I will talk to you about this later." She smiled and strutted away back to her laptop setup down the hall.

"What was Garcia talking about?" Turning back to the task at hand, Spencer was standing at a board. Working on the case. "Is this about that officer?" His voice was very flat, little emotion which was unusual for him. Especially around you, the two of you had been best friends since you transferred to the BAU.

"Yeah it was, she's trying to get me to get his number." Not turning from his work you started to flip through some files and continue to talk. "I do think he's pretty hot, but I also think it's way too early to start putting myself out there you know?"

"Yeah, yeah I guess I can understand that." Peeking over his shoulder briefly to look at you. Hearing the way you were talking about this guy was leaving him conflicted. The first day he had met you he'd already fallen in love. No statistic or math problem could explain how that happened. He's been sitting on the sideline for the past three years, watching you go from boyfriend to boyfriend, letting him be your shoulder to cry on when it was heartbreak after heartbreak. But honestly, he didn't know how long he could keep going like this.

"...But it could also be some type of fate thing. Like, I break up with a toxic asshole and then meet a dreamy police officer? I don't know, what do you think Spencer?" Walking over to him to put up some photos and thoughts on the board you look up at him, waiting for his response.

"Whatever you think is best I suppose," It took him a long time to respond, the way you were speaking of this guy was just breaking his heart more and more. It was taking all his power to not just scream 'I LOVE YOU!!' and see your reaction. "Do you want to ask him out."

"I think so, I guess he is really nice, and really good looking…" Going on about him a bit more, you paused then changed your thought process. "I mean everything and everyone is telling me to go for it but some small part of me is saying no."

"I think I'm just being paranoid, why shouldn't I put myself out there? It has been like three months. And if it doesn't work out, so what? At least I tried. I think I'll do it." Just like that, the hope died. Should he just say it? Get it out there and hope for the best? This was impossible.

"What does that mean? Are you just not ready to put yourself out there again or is it because there's someone else?" A small glimmer of hope ignited in him, maybe he still had a chance after all.

***

"I'm going to do it. So you can stop annoying me about it, Pen." She smiled and started to ramble about how it will be so good for you. The case had been solved and you were all packing up. Everyone with the exception of Hotch and Rossi were in the room given to the team.

"I'm so glad you're going to do this! You two would be such a sexy pair I just know it." You and Penelope continued to talk, but Spencer was just heartbroken. Standing on the opposite side of the room he could still hear you. He was packing up his things slowly, hoping to get a chance to talk to you alone.

"You should just go for it kid, don't let them get with another guy without you atleast saying it." Derek, giving his opinion to Spencer while leaning against the wall. Tossing a ball now that he was all packed up.

"What if you say something and they like you back?" Derek counter protested. Spencer thought about it for a minute, he had a point. But on the other hand he couldn't tell what would be worse; watching you ask someone else out again or telling you and losing such an important person in his life.

"I know, I just don't want to ruin three years of friendship. What if I say something and they never talk to me again?" He questioned, still listening in on your conversation.

***

"I'll be done in a minute!" You called out to Penelope and Emily. Still packing up your things it was only you and Spencer left in the room.

Finally throwing your bag over your shoulder you started to catch up to the rest of the team you heard Spencer call out to you. "Wait! Can I talk to you for a minute, please?"

"Yeah, of course." A little confused on why he sounded so nervous you stood infront of him, waiting for him to continue. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing it's just," He cleared his throat, no or never. "I was just wondering if you gave that officer your number yet."

"Oh, not yet. I was actually about to do that. Why do you ask?" Titling your head, curious. He started to fidget with his hands, not sure what to say.

"Oh, so you are going out with him." His voice barely above a whisper. "That's nice I suppose."

"Okay…" You smiled and started to head to the door. "I'm going to go now, see on the jet Spencer?"

"I- please, I need to say something." He tripped over his words, come on Spencer, just say it!!!

"Are you okay? You seem nervous." Why was he acting like this? It was so confusing to you.

"Okay, I'm just going to say it." He sighed, "I don't want you to go out with that officer. I mean if you really want to you should do it of course but I don't want you to because I want you to go out with me. If you don't feel the same way tell me but it's just, I can't stand you choosing another person over me, again." Biting the inside of his cheek, waiting for your response.

"Oh," Was all you could say at first. You didn't really know what else to say. "You, you like me?"

"Yeah, I do. And if you don't feel the same way I get it and pretend I never said anything because I don't want to lose you. But if you go out and date this guy I'm going to have to put up a boundary, I'm sorry."

"Spencer, I don't know what to say," You laughed lightly, not sure how to say what you were thinking. "I feel the same way, I just assumed you never would like me back so I have been trying to get over it."

"Really?" He smiled and gave that puppy-dog face he always made. "Are you serious?"

"Why would I lie?" Throwing your bag over your shoulder you hugged him then stepped back giving a small smile. "We should go though, the jet is supposed to leave like now. But can we talk about this later?"

"I would like that." The two of you started to head out, and you completely forgot about the officer. Spencer just walked out with a huge smile on his face. Why didn't he say this sooner???

#criminal minds #sofiareidings #spencer reid #criminal minds fandom #bau #fandom #fanfic #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x gn!reader #spencer reid x you #andies3kwritingcelebration

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skepsiss · 2 years ago

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Modern Problems, Modern Solutions pt 1

Pt2

I have like 4 other parts to this written already but I'll post em when I have time to edit. Yearning with extremely awkward teen Steddie. Eddie as a proper 17 year old would be awkward as hell! I think at least. Additionally, there is quite a bit of swearing so you've been warned. Generally, I just wanted to explore EDDIE catching feelings first and being put out by that.

Modern day AU, or more or less modern give or take 5ish years circa 2015/19. I don't think this takes place in the Hawkins we know from the show.

Small American towns can be kinda backwards, but it varies a lot as to how open and accepting each town/state is. So, suspend disbelief and imagine it as a place that is tolerant of queerness. Also, read with the understanding that in a lot of places in this generalized time people think queerness is actually kinda "trendy" in some ways. It's not taboo but it's also extremely dependant on the person that is queer and "how queer they act". "be gay... but not too gay" etc.--

---

"Did you hear? Steve Harrington just came out as bi--"

Eddie looked up from his phone, feet propped up on the desk in front of him. The boy who had popped his head into their mostly empty homeroom had delivered the news so quickly that everyone there was quietly shocked.

"Son of a bitch," Eddie grumbled, putting his feet down and getting clumps of dirt on the linoleum floor. School hadn't even started and he was already having to deal with this bullshit.

"What?" Gareth asked, laughing a bit awkwardly. He sounded confused like he didn't understand where Eddie was directing his vitriol.

"Leave it to some preppy, jock, rich-boy to make 'being gay' cool--asshole," Eddie's words were drenched in sarcasm and mockery, going as far as to air-quote when he said being gay.

"I've been fucking gay since 8th grade and now some 16-year-old wannabe happens to be queer it's big news?" Eddie sat back with frustration, crossing his arms over his chest and slouching in his seat.

"I don't think you're supposed to say queer--" Jeff started to correct only to shut up quickly when Eddie whipped his head around to him and glared.

"I can say whatever the hell I want. I'm the one that's queer!" Eddie spat, hating that so much of this 'being gay is okay' culture circled around the heterosexual perspective of what was and was not okay.

Eddie grouched for the rest of the day, keeping his head down and feeling his nostrils flare every time a whisper of today's big news passed by him in the hallways. Who fucking cared? Steve Harrington was thee popular boy in school and was talked about as if he was their generation's teen heart-throb. It was to a point where Eddie knew who he was despite him being an underclassman. He was in grade 12 and he still had to hear about Steve Harrington as if he mattered. Sports star, good-looking, daddy's boy.

It was so goddamn annoying. Eddie had been out since he was thirteen and he had suffered through the humiliation of 'being queer' all the way through high school. He had the scars to prove it and it pissed him off that four years later it felt like people were singing Steve's praises for being brave enough to come out. Who fucking cared? Being gay was cool now or something--it gave you an edge and despite the fact that Eddie was bi himself, it truly felt like bisexuality was a cop-out to get girls to think you were hot with no intention to do the whole gay part of it. That was unfair to think, but in his biased opinion, some popular boy didn't deserve to be treated delicately while he had been in the trenches over it.

Eddie glared as the school day ended as he walked outside into the Autumn air. He could see Steve across the parking lot chatting to a gaggle of people around his car. He was smiling and laughing and everyone seemed so eager to let him know they accepted him. Or whatever the fuck. He couldn't actually hear what they were saying.

"Does the torture of high school know no fucking end?" Eddie grumbled, stuffing his hands in his pockets, not paying attention to where he was going.

"Tell me about it."

Eddie looked up at the sound of a voice; the words that were spoken dripped with sarcasm. Robin was leaning against her bike by Eddie, bag slung over her shoulder as she watched the fanfare from a safe distance--same as Eddie. Robin was president of the LGBT-Alliance club, and Eddie knew her from band. Robin was two years younger than him, but she had come in hot and loud about being a lesbian straight from jump. Despite how meek she was in many regards, she was smart and dedicated to her beliefs. Eddie could respect that.

"Get a load, huh?" Eddie asked, scoffing as he glanced back over at Steve.

"Hmm," Robin offered quietly, staring for a moment before starting to put on her helmet, "he's been coming to meetings pretty regularly over the last couple of months, you know."

Eddie looked back at Robin, surprised to hear her... defending Steve Harrington? He thought it was unanimous that geeks and weirdos like them hated guys like that.

"You'd know if you ever showed up for meetings," Robin said a bit flippantly, and Eddie frowned at her.

He had tried the whole LGBT-Alliance thing and it just wasn't his space. It was boring and he hated that the group generally just talked about events and progress they should make. He didn't want any of that, he just wanted to hang out with a couple of people that were queer like him. He didn't want to be scheduling and painting signs or whatever the fuck. He had his own things to do after school--band, D&D, chucking dirt wads at a wall--anything was better than sitting in what was essentially a business meeting.

"Come on," Eddie grumbled, not wanting to acknowledge that if Steve had been attending the LGBT-Alliance meetings that this 'leaving the closet thing' had been a long time coming.

"He's actually a decent guy," Robin defended as she adjusted her helmet straps, "all things considered."

Eddie huffed a laugh, scoffing at Robin.

"Didn't think I'd be hearing this from you, Buckley--I thought lesbians were supposed to hate all men or something," Eddie retorted, not really meaning it but feeling confrontational.

"Don't be a drag," Robin sighed, rolling her eyes at the comment, "talk to Will Byers about it or whatever. He's in your D&D thing, right?"

"Hellfire," Eddie corrected, thinking about that for a moment. Will was in both their clubs and he was close friends with Dustin--who also seemed to adore Steve Harrington for some reason. It was stupid, he didn't understand why half the kids in his after-school club liked the guy. Eddie had never had any personal conflict with Steve, but he fit the shape of every guy Eddie had ever taken issue with.

"Whatever," Robin retorted, getting onto her bike, "you know we're having a mixer next weekend. You should come."

Eddie looked at her, frowning again. He didn't want to go to a mixer, whatever she meant by that. Robin seemed to pick up on the mild confusion he had around the comment, explaining further.

"Geez, there's like posters around the school, Eddie. Our alliance and like 4 other schools in our district are having like an LGBT dance, mixer, party or whatever. Hosting in Talho on Saturday. We've got a pretty big turnout already, tickets are five bucks."

"Five bucks?" Eddie huffed, acting as if that number was ridiculous for an event like this. He didn't want to admit that it sounded kind of... nice. With four other school districts... that meant there would be a lot of guys that were undeniably queer he'd get to meet for the first time if he went. That was something. It'd really be something if he walked away with a date.

"I'll think about it," Eddie said, waving Robin off and continuing his slouch across the parking lot to start his long walk home.

—--

"Call me if you need a ride," Wayne said as Eddie shuffled out of the cab of the truck. He stood at the door, having to look up at Wayne in order to see him from how much the suspension of Wayne's old gas-guzzler hoisted the truck off the ground.

"Yeah, yeah," Eddie huffed, feeling put out already for having decided to come. He was having second thoughts as he stood there, holding Wayne's door.

"Eddie," Wayne said a bit more firmly, looking for a straight answer.

"I'll call if I need a ride home-- or whatever," Eddie replied, sounding annoyed as he shut the door and turned towards the school gym.

It was obvious where the event was being hosted and he felt weird showing up alone. He had decided to come after much lamenting, resigning himself to just chatting to Will all night if he hated the damn thing. It felt weird, and he quietly hoped that at least some people his age would show up. He didn't want to be stuck as the oldest person there amongst a sea of 14 and 15-year-olds.

The event wasn't formal, but Eddie had tried to clean up a bit. He'd left his leather jacket and vest at home, opting for just an old denim jacket and a T-shirt that didn't have a band or logo on it. Other than that, he was still in scuffed-up shoes and ripped jeans, but he hoped that didn't put people off. Not that it mattered. Not that he ultimately cared. He didn't want to talk to anyone who had a problem with it to begin with, but it still made him feel self-conscious. Really, he hadn't dressed up because he didn't have anything to dress up into. Even the debate of if this was worth five bucks or if he should save it in order to get the luxury of sub-par pizza next week had been a difficult choice to make. He hated showing up to things like this and sticking out like a sore thumb--he hated being easily marked as poor.

Eddie paid his entry fee and stepped into the gym; the decorations were tacky and everything screamed 'event put on by teenagers.' There was something kind of charming about that though, even if it felt a bit pedestrian. It was sort of as he feared though... there were people here--a decent amount--but everyone looked so... young. The realisation made Eddie tense a bit as he moved over to the refreshments table and idled before getting a drink.

Great. Just great. He had spent five bucks for an awkward night leaning against a wall and drinking fruit punch.

"Eddie!"

Eddie turned to see Robin waving at him. She had a vest with a button on it signifying that she was a leader in the club. She probably had responsibilities to attend to during the night, but she did look mildly excited to see him there.

Feeling like he didn't have much of an option, Eddie migrated in her direction, feeling very self-conscious about the whole thing.

"Hey, you made it," Robin offered, a few people hovering around her. It was sort of obvious that she was busy, but Eddie appreciated her taking the time to say hi.

"Yeah, figured I'd check it out at least," Eddie said, talking into his cup as he looked around the room. He didn't really have time to lament though as a small commotion worked its way towards them.

"Sorry--sorry!"

Eddie looked to see Steve Harrington making his way over to them with what looked like 4 dozen balloons. It was kind of comical really, seeing him try to fight past the sea of bobbing, colourful globes.

"Steve!" Robin said sharply, her volume subdued but still stern.

"Sorry--there was a hold-up--" Steve replied, awkwardly trying to move the balloons to see past them and talk directly to Robin.

"Oh—oh-How-what? A holdup?" Robin mocked back, tisking as she took a bundle of the balloons from Steve and handed them to the girls beside her.

"Uh, yeah, Buckley. There was a holdup, you gagging on ten-dollar lipstick or something?" Steve retorted quickly "looks good by the way." He was gesturing to the make-up Robin had on and the bright red lipstick she had applied which was fairly different compared to her usual look.

Eddie snorted into his cup, choking slightly as he tried to hold back from laughing at the burn. Robin looked offended for half a beat before smacking one of the balloons directly into Steve's face and taking the rest of the handful.

"Ow--hey," Steve complained, getting aggressively jostled as Robin walked past him.

Despite what was being said, the whole exchange had been... friendly. It was weird really, it looked and sounded like Robin and Steve were actually friends. They were toying with each other and being bitchy in a way Eddie had only ever seen best buddies do, which was really goddamn weird to see coming from a superstar, jock hunk, and the local raging feminist, band geek.

"You're on my shit-list," Robin commented, pointing over her shoulder at Steve and then bustling off with the other girls and the balloons. Obviously, they had been meant for decorations and Robin was now rushed to finish setting everything up. The whole exchange had been so quick Eddie hadn't even been able to properly react before he was standing there... with Steve.

Steve turned towards him and Eddie averted his gaze, still holding his punch glass up to his lips.

"Hey," Steve greeted, sounding much too charming.

"Hey," Eddie mumbled back, turning slightly and facing the room instead of looking at Steve. He didn't walk away, that felt like a bridge too far, but he wasn't going to open himself up to a conversation.

"Eddie, right?" Steve asked, and Eddie glanced at him, watching Steve push his hair back into place. He hadn't realised, but Steve was panting slightly, obviously catching his breath from... probably running in here to deliver Robin's balloons.

"Yeah," Eddie confirmed, looking away again as he slouched. Great. He was stuck talking to Steve with no obvious escape plan. Perfect.

"Steve--"

"I know who you are," Eddie replied, not letting Steve finish his introduction. It had probably just been to be polite anyway, but it was obvious that Eddie knew who he was. They went to school together. They had mutual friends. It wasn't rocket science.

That shut Steve up for a moment and chewed at Eddie's guts. That had been a bit rude. Steve hadn't actually done anything wrong, yet, so really he should just save it for another time. Steve was stuck here too after all, with a bunch of kids just like Eddie.

"Pretty... young," Eddie said, watching the gym as people mingled. It really was just a bunch of 14 or 15-year-olds chatting with one another. They seemed to be having fun, and Eddie was glad for that since he hadn't had anything like this when he was that age.

"Hm, yeah," Steve replied, sounding kind of amused for some reason. "Always the damn babysitter, huh?"

Eddie glanced at him for that comment, not really understanding where it was coming from.

"Yeah..." Eddie offered, wondering if he had said it because Hellfire Club also skewed younger. He had seen Steve drop Dustin off before, scolding him like a mother would over something, but he had never come inside to meet anyone at Hellfire. Eddie had just noticed it was all.

An awkward silence drew out between them and Eddie could tell that Steve was starting to feel uncomfortable too.

"You seen Will Byers anywhere?" Eddie asked, looking for an out. He knew that Steve knew Will, he was one of those mutual friends.

"Oh, yeah," Steve offered, not making a motion to point anywhere, "but I'd leave him alone tonight if I were you."

Eddie quirked a brow at Steve, something of a challenge in his stance as he looked at him. Why on earth would he leave Will Byers alone tonight?

"I drove him--" Steve half explained, obviously realising that he needed to elaborate, "that's why uh I'm--it doesn't matter. There's a boy here that he likes."

Eddie's eyebrows shot up at Steve's explanation, looking back at the floor and the sea of dweeby, little gays circling each other awkwardly. Oh. Right. This was a lot of people's first chance to do anything with someone queer like them. He hadn't considered that Will would have someone here he intended to talk to.

Eddie laughed, both at his own stupidity and the charming realisation that he was glad this whole thing was happening, even if he wasn't having a good time.

"Good for him," Eddie snorted, cheersing the room and taking a swig of his punch.

"God," Eddie sighed, finding the humour in this whole thing now, "who the hell am I supposed to bother now?"

He was lamenting for no real reason, wondering quietly to himself if he should hold out and wait to see if anyone else his age showed up or if he should just cut his losses and start the long walk home. At least then, once he got back, Wayne would just assume he got a ride and had a good time. He didn't want to admit to Wayne that he ditched, not after he had agonised over whether or not it was worth it to spend the five dollars. Wayne had supported him going and assured him it wasn't a waste if he wanted to go. Eddie didn't want to prove him wrong.

Eddie glanced at Steve, wondering how he was going to excuse himself now that his out was occupied. He caught Steve looking at him and quickly looked forward again, surveying the room. That was weird. Eddie took note of that, slowly looking back at the party unfolding before them.

"So... Bi, huh?" Eddie offered, not sure why he was trying. He'd give it until he finished his glass of punch and then he'd walk home if no one interesting entered the party.

Steve seemed to laugh a bit awkwardly to that, doing this weird thing with his hands where he clasped them behind his back and then swung them forward to clasp at his front. It was the most uncomfortable Eddie had ever seen him--not that he had paid a ton of attention to Steve before now.

Oh. Eddie realised, feeling his chest clench a little, this was a lot of people's first chance to talk to another queer person. He was the oldest one here, closely followed by Steve... they were both fish out of water. Steve had the club, but there weren't a lot of guys their age that Eddie knew of who were queer. Steve had been mingling with kids this whole time. He was the elder here... weird.

"Yeah, I didn't really expect it to become a whole... thing," Steve replied, shaking Eddie from his thoughts. Right, he had pointedly questioned Steve's sexuality. Classy.

"Yeah, well, they'll get over it," Eddie retorted, feeling a bit bad now that he had been so dismissive of Steve's attempt to talk to him.

"I mean, it's been fine, I guess," Steve replied, sounding unsure of himself but not exactly bothered. Eddie could understand that, he didn't have the same experience per se, but all the guys at Hellfire knew he was queer and it was fine. He could remember being unsure though how gay he got to act around them all. It had been awkward and uncomfortable to find the rhythm of where you all sat, even if no one was blatantly rejecting you.

"Feels like you and everyone else are walking on eggshells about it, right?" Eddie asked, sighing as he leaned back until he hit the wall behind them, slouching.

"Something like that," Steve replied, his words coming out slowly as he watched Eddie and then took half a step back to join him against the wall.

"My advice? Just don't fall in love with your best friends," Eddie joked, only half serious. It verged on real advice, but it wasn't like it was something you could help.

Steve laughed anyway, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Yeah, as if. No thanks."

Something about that made Eddie smile a bit. Steve had been so dismissive of the idea as if the mere mention of having a mild interest in some jock was unheard of.

Eddie took a swig of his punch, swallowing hard as he started to relax a little bit.

"I'm bi too, you know," he said, sucking his upper lip to get the rest of the juice off.

"I can't remember if I used that word when I came out though--people just sort of figured with me, I don't think I really had to tell anyone."

"Yeah?" Steve asked, sounding interested but not sure how to progress.

"Uh, c'ya, what do you think?" Eddie mocked back, flipping his long hair over his shoulders and then flicking it back with his hands from side to side as if he were walking down some kind of runway. Long hair didn't mean you were gay, but it was a step towards making people think you were.

Steve laughed at that too, properly this time without that edge of awkwardness to it. That, in turn, made Eddie smile a bit. He liked it when people found him funny, it felt good to make people laugh. It felt better still to be joking about something gay and not having to correct or explain anything to the other person. Steve was queer too, even if he was new at this, there wasn't that same level of judgment. Huh... funny though that he suddenly just accepted that Steve was queer when he had been put off by the idea initially.

The night carried on like that and Eddie was surprised to find... that he didn't mind talking to Steve all that much. There were quite a few cultural touchstones that he didn't have when it came to 'nerd shit' but he didn't seem to be annoyed by Eddie explaining those things to him if it was necessary. Eddie had gotten a bit louder and more loose before too long, even if he wasn't exactly buddy-buddy with Steve. And Steve, surprisingly, had stuck with him the whole night. Really, the event hadn't matured at all and Eddie had little desire to go mingle with the kids--especially when the kid that he knew here was probably trying his best to flirt. What the hell was he supposed to do? Walk up to a group of youngsters and just ask what they were talking about? "Trust me, trust me. I play games with children all the time!" Yeah, no.

Eddie's watch beeped at him and he looked at it, turning the little digital screen off. It wasn't that late, just past 10 really, but the longer he waited the more miserable the walk home would be.

"Well, that's my queue," Eddie said, pushing off the wall and leaving his cup on a table by them. "I should go."

He stuffed his hands in his pockets, not regretting having come after all, but not really feeling like staying either. Steve had made the night bearable, but Eddie wasn't all that eager to keep it up.

"Why? Or you'll turn into a pumpkin?" Steve asked, teasing a little.

Eddie snorted at him, finding that line incredibly cheesy and in turn kind of funny because of that.

"Yeah, I've got to go traipse into the woods and take root or I'll start sprouting weeds like a chia-pet."

Steve chuckled at him, looking over to the doors. Eddie started walking towards the exit anyway, and Steve seemed surprised that he was actually going. He got off the wall and walked a few paces with Eddie before they both stopped, lingering a bit.

"I've just got to start walking home," Eddie explained, pinching his brows in, finding it kind of amusing that Steve seemed... concerned? He wasn't sure, it felt out of character for a cool guy to be following him.

"Walking home?" Steve asked, again, sounding surprised. "To Hawkins?"

"No to the moon, Bilbo was writing about me. Yeah back to Hawkins," he answered sarcastically, jamming his thumb towards the doors. Steve didn't seem bothered by the reply, even if he squinted for a moment with confusion with Eddie's mention of Bilbo.

"You live at Hawkins Trailer Park, right?" Steve asked.

The question instantly made Eddie tense, and he set his jaw a bit.

"Yeah, why?" He asked, sounding a bit defensive. He didn't like this line of questioning. It always felt weird when people commented on the fact that he lived in a trailer park. It especially felt weird coming from rich-boy Steve Harrington.

"Jeez, chill. I'll give you a ride, I live near there too," Steve explained, taking his keys out of his pocket and jostling them, "Hawkins is too far to walk to from here."

Eddie blinked at him a moment, floored by the offer for some reason.

"You don't have to do that, man," Eddie replied, feeling extremely awkward all of a sudden. "You should stay."

"And do what?" Steve asked, sounding amused. He looked over his shoulder at the crowd of young teens chatting and mingling before looking back at Eddie with a raised brow.

"Fair enough," Eddie replied, banishing his guilt for now. Steve was right though, Hawkins was far to walk to from here and there really wasn't a lot keeping Steve at the mixer. Will was getting a ride home from his brother and Robin was too busy fussing over every little thing to mingle. Plus, the event really would be closing soon so Steve didn't have to stay.

Eddie still felt awkward as he walked up to Steve's beamer and prepared himself to feel awkward the whole drive back to Hawkins. It was a nice car and he couldn't help but constantly think about how he had never been in a car this nice before. It wasn't brand-spanking new, but it almost felt like it with how clean it was. The car was spotless really and it was obvious that Steve took extremely good care of his ride.

"This is... uh, a nice ride," Eddie said, running his hands over the dash as Steve drove, before sitting back again.

"Thanks," Steve replied, chuckling a little. Eddie really was admiring the car; he wasn't a gear-head but he could appreciate a nice ride. Thrill bubbled in Eddie's stomach all of a sudden as he glanced at Steve.

"How fast can this thing go?"

Steve looked at him in turn, the moment drawing out between them before Steve's lips cracked into a smile.

"Want to find out?"

Eddie's eyes widened and he smiled back, surprised and pleased that his ask was being met. God, it was so stupid. They were being such teenagers right now. Steve in his daddy's bought, fast car with the punk, bad-influence kid in his passenger's seat ready to tear it up on the freeway.

Steve pulled off the main road and Eddie's stomach swooped with excitement. He didn't know where they were going but he figured Steve knew somewhere they could drive without hitting anyone. He didn't want to be stupid about it, maybe a bit reckless, but hey--they were young. When else were they going to do this shit?

Eddie leaned forward, turning on the radio and fiddling with the dial.

"What're you doing?" Steve asked, sounding amused as they drove towards some back, country road. Perfect.

"Finding the right music!" Eddie replied, sounding equal parts excited and exasperated for being asked. He was flicking through the dial quickly, only pausing for a beat or two before switching again until he found what he was looking for.

"You done?" Steve asked as Eddie paused for a moment longer to confirm that he liked the song. He looked at Steve before cranking the volume dial and sticking his tongue out.

"Let's fucking go," Eddie whooped, sitting back and bracing himself as he felt Steve hit the gas and they started rocketing down the road.

Fear mingled with thrill as Eddie sat back, holding onto the door as they drove down this pitch-black road. He shouted with excitement, obviously stressed but having a blast. Steve seemed cool as could be, smiling with the thrill of it too but none of Eddie's anxieties.

"Fuckin' hell--" Eddie managed as they reached a bend and Steve slowed down to take it. He started to decelerate, their quick little drag race having finished.

"We should do that again!" Eddie continued, panting a bit as he felt his heart pounding in his chest.

"Chill out--" Steve snorted, falling back into the rules of the road as he stopped at an unmarked rail crossing. "Cops like to drive around here--we'd be risking it."

"Boooo," Eddie called, smiling in a joking way. He understood and he wouldn't push it even if he wanted that adrenaline rush again.

"Another time then," Eddie replied finally, pausing for a moment as he realised he had assumed he'd be in Steve's car again for some reason.

"Sure," Steve answered back easily, chuckling a little.

Eddie glanced at him, before reaching to turn the music volume back down. He didn't turn it off though, needing the quiet metal to help settle him.

Steve sure did laugh a lot, didn't he? Was Eddie really that amusing?

Eddie felt his pocket buzz and he squirmed before taking his phone out. It was Wayne. He was asking if Eddie needed a ride, surely expecting that Eddie had lost track of time or something like that. Eddie let the car fall into silence as he replied back to Wayne, feeling a bit weird all of a sudden. He kept typing and retyping what to say.

No, I got a ride from a friend. Were Steve and him friends?

I'm good. Too vague, it would worry Wayne too much.

Some guy gave me a lift. That sounded sketchy as hell. Eddie just settled on 'no, I got a ride' and left it at that, but it made him feel weird regardless.

"Everything okay?" Steve asked, drawing Eddie's attention back to him.

"Oh, yeah, no, yeah. Just my uncle wondering how I was getting home," Eddie explained, feeling weird about Steve asking him something like that. Robin had been right... he really wasn't such a bad guy after all.

"So," Eddie said, breaking the silence, running his hands over the seat, "this car get you mad puss?" He asked, his tone jovial and teasing as he stuck his tongue out between his fingers, being lewd on purpose. He didn't know why his default was raunchy humour, but it had tumbled out of him before he thought too hard about it.

"God, shut up--" Steve replied in good humour, sounding surprised and amused by the sudden comment.

"I know I've got a reputation, but jeez, man," Steve laughed, driving them back onto the main road towards Hawkins.

"So... that a yes?" Eddie teased, enjoying this little banter.

"Yeah," Steve confirmed, before glancing at Eddie out of the corner of his eye with a wry smile.

Eddie burst out laughing at that, finding it more than a little amusing that Steve was leaning into the tease and taking it on the chin.

"Fuck, dude," Eddie giggled, not sure why that was just so amusing. It felt so weird to have good-boy, Steve Harrington talking to him about getting laid. This was so fucked up. This was so fucking weird.

"So," Steve started as Eddie stared out the window, still grinning to himself a bit, "how long have you known you were..."

Eddie glanced at Steve before lounging against the door, smiling at him.

"Queer?"

Steve looked at Eddie from the corner of his eye, obviously a little unsure of himself.

"You can say it you know," Eddie offered, crossing his arms and looking nonplussed. "If you are one, you get to say it as long as you're not like slurring it at someone or something. Welcome to the restricted section."

"Alright..." Steve replied, sounding a little unsure still. Eddie smiled at that too, finding it a bit charming how baby gay Steve was over the whole thing. He felt a bit superior all of a sudden, and he liked that feeling with Steve. He was in a fast car with the most popular boy in school and he was talking to him about how to be queer. What a trip.

"Since forever," Eddie replied, "I've known since forever. It was more weird for me to figure out that not everyone felt the same way. Like, girls--guys, whatever. Hot people are hot, end of story."

Steve nodded to that and Eddie tucked into the corner of his seat, feeling cool and relaxed as he watched Steve drive.

"You?"

Steve seemed to waffle a bit at the question, putting too much thought into it no doubt.

"I don't know," he finally replied, looking dissatisfied with his own answer, "somewhat recently, I think? It's like... I acknowledged it maybe a few months ago but, I don't know. Before that, I sort of felt like I was being dramatic or something? Like, obviously, I like girls so that's fine, it felt kinda... cliche?"

Eddie cringed a bit at the phrase Steve used, nodding his head and glancing away. He had much the same judgment towards Steve until recently. That had been unfair. It didn't matter that Steve was popular or that there had been less risk involved in his 'coming out' compared to Eddie. He was pretty and sporty and even if there was something a little cliche about an all-American boy like him turning out to be queer it didn't mean it was wrong.

"Your folks know?" Eddie asked, talking softer, not wanting to pry if Steve didn't want to talk about it.

"Yeah," Steve answered easily, his tone unreadable. "They knew before I uh... came out socially?"

Eddie nodded, rubbing his head against the window and feeling the car vibrate under him.

"They... cool?" He asked, feeling a bit weird about the whole thing. He was older than Steve, but he didn't really feel like he was. Steve had so much... going on. He had his own car, activities, career paths--he seemed so put together. He was perfectly coiffed and dressed, his car spotless... Eddie was the exact opposite. He wanted to be a musician and he worked hard at it, but sometimes it felt like he was putting all his eggs in one basket.

"Uh.... yeah, mostly," Steve replied, sounding a bit hesitant.

"That great, huh?" Eddie asked, smiling lightly and trying to sound sympathetic.

"No, well, my mom seems pretty accepting of it. Unsure like... nervous? I don't know. My dad... I don't really know what he thinks yet. He's--it doesn't matter."

Eddie frowned slightly as Steve cut himself off. It was a personal topic and he didn't blame him for not wanting to share, but it felt kind of bad to hear Steve say it didn't matter.

"What about your uh... uncle?" Steve asked, sounding awkward as he shifted the conversation.

"Yeah, he's cool," Eddie replied, looking back out the window, "I don't think he really knows how to be supportive necessarily so he's just like... trucking on but he's never dropped the ball. Treats all my... gay shit as if it was just normal shit." Eddie replied, laughing a little bit. He knew he was lucky to have Wayne. Not every queer person had a supportive family and once upon a time, he hadn't had that either. Wayne was a saviour... in more ways than one.

"That's... cool," Steve answered and Eddie snorted a little at how awkward the delivery had been.

"What?" Steve replied, sounding a bit amused.

"That's... cool," Eddie mocked, making his voice sound girly and vapid.

"Shut up," Steve scoffed, drawing up the syllables a bit.

Eddie grinned, liking that Steve seemed to be easy to torment. He went for the bait every time, but he never seemed overly offended.

"Gee wiz, Eddie, your uncle seems like such a cool guy," Eddie continued, being annoying on purpose. He kept it up as Steve started to laugh in mock annoyance. "Let's you go to a pre-teen party and everything."

"Stop--" Steve booed, glancing at Eddie quickly before purposefully wobbling the steering wheel and making the car quickly veer back and forth.

Eddie jolted up right at the movement, grabbing the door.

"Shit--don't--" Eddie squawked, smiling despite how that had made his stomach drop.

"Asshole--" Eddie jeered, looking at Steve who was grinning back at him. Okay, so Steve was actually fun? Was this why Dustin and those kids liked him so much? Mr. Uptight-jock was actually a little bit of a wild child hidden behind good hair and a dazzling smile?

Eddie settled into his seat, feeling kind of good about the night as he looked back out the window and let the rest of the drive grow quiet. They weren't far from Hawkins now and a part of Eddie felt kind of strung out from the weird emotional whiplash of the night.

"You know," Eddie said as they pulled up towards the trailer park, "you're actually not a bad guy, Steve Harrington."

Steve looked at him, eyebrows pinched in with mild concern.

"Thanks?"

"It's a compliment," Eddie scoffed in a friendly way, unbuckling his seatbelt as Steve drove slowly down the gravel road.

"Oh, well, thank you then," Steve reiterated a bit more sarcastically.

"You're also kind of a bitch," Eddie retorted, smiling at him and getting an incredulous sound from Steve. The car pulled to a stop and Eddie climbed out. He shut the door but lingered a second until Steve rolled down the window. He leaned over the frame and looked in at Steve.

"I can see why those kids think you're kind of cool," Eddie continued, feeling kind of... charmed. "Guess that makes you cool in my books too."

"Cool? Or cool?" Steve asked, mocking Eddie's previous buffoonery.

Eddie laughed, shaking his head as he leaned back.

"You're a bit of a dork too, you know that?"

He liked dorky guys.

"A dork? This? Coming from you?" Steve asked, inching his car forward a bit to keep Eddie in view of the window.

"Oh, cram-it," Eddie retorted, flipping Steve off through the window. He patted the doorframe lightly, careful not to hit it with any of his rings.

"Thanks for the ride though," Eddie swallowed, not really looking at Steve but still trying to be friendly.

"Yeah, man. Don't worry about it."

Eddie nodded, feeling weird about just walking away. He kind of wanted to stay out, chat more, and just listen to the radio with Steve which was... a weird thought. They didn't really have anything in common, and somehow Eddie knew that they weren't going to talk again at school. Steve was popular, he wasn't. Eddie was graduating this year, and Steve was 16. They ran in completely different circles.

"Kay, well, later then," Eddie offered, half waving his hand in front of the window before sticking his hands in his pockets and walking towards his trailer. Steve didn't say anything back, but he waited for Eddie to get his door open before pulling away like a proper gentleman.

The whole night felt... so odd to Eddie. He didn't know if he could say he had a good time, or even what had happened during the night, but it had been... nice. It had nothing to do with the mixer or anything Eddie had prepared himself for that night but instead, his good mood rested solely on his interaction with Steve. It was so weird and it left him feeling like he was in limbo. Like this night had been a weird pocket event and he'd never have a repeat of anything like it again. Nothing big had happened, nothing important, and there was nothing to remember about it really... but it felt like he wanted to hold onto it somehow.

Eddie huffed and stretched his lips, before finally taking the last few steps into the trailer. There was no point dwelling on something he couldn't touch and thinking too hard about it would probably ruin everything anyways. This could just be a one off. He could just look back on this and think about how nice it had been to bond... with Steve Harrington.

#steddie #in later chapters Eddie pretends to be a dorky vampire #steddie fic #stranger things #eddie munson #steve harrington #my_writing #i really love writing them “getting together”#i think it's so fun to explore all the different ways it could happen

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mephistopheleswasrobbed · 7 months ago

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BL or no BL, is that the question?

I've been wanting to talk about this for a while now but I came across a post in the tags that made me finally do so because I mostly agree.

I make a post every week accumulating all the "proof" I found that Home and Peach are actually gay for each other despite the "not a BL" label of the show. And I used to say in the tags that I don't intend for this to be taken entirely seriously but I kind of stopped doing that because I felt like I was repeating myself but now I think maybe I shouldn't have (I might go back to add those disclaimers back in).

But I would actually be completely fine if the show never has them kiss or plainly state "we are dating" or any other irrefutable "proof" that they are in a romantic relationship. I don't think not doing so would make it queerbaiting and I don't think it would diminish Home and Peach's relationship in any way. (Just to clarify, I would also be fine with it if they do say explicitly that they're in a romantic relationship.)

Personally I don't like the idea of strictly separating romanitic/sexual relationships from platonic ones. In my opinion/experience there can often be overlap between the two or rather many relationships just don't fit neetly into one of those categories.

I'm not an anthopologist and I haven't really done any reading into this so take what I say here with a grain of salt but my impression is that our current understanding of love and relationships is not universal across human history and cultures. Maybe, when we changed the intent of marriage from an economical union between to families, to a proof of love, we went too far in the oposite direction, maybe capitalism has an influence here through its concept of the nuclear family, I honesty don't know. (If you come across this post and do know, feel free to recommend me some resources because I'm genuinely curious about this). Anyway what we have currently is this idea of a strict differentiation and hirarchy with romantic(+sexual) monogamous partnership at the top, familial relationships beneath that and platonic relationships of varying degrees beneath that. And I fundamentally disagree with that idea. I think you can love your friends romanically but still see them as friends and not someone you want to date. I think you can be in a commited partnership with someone you love platonically but not romantically. I think you can love the same person both romantically and platonically to different or varying degrees. And sexual attraction is another factor that varies (imo, and to varying degees for different people) relatively independently from the other two. (I am personally also not a huge supporter of the idea that monogamy is somehow superior to other relationship constellations and I'm convinced that if monogamy wasn't so ingrained into our culture, fewer people would choose that relationship model. Does this have something to do with men wanting to ensure that their offsping is "actually theirs" before the invention of dna testing? Who knows, not me, but I could see that being a factor)

All of that to say, I think the show has so far made it very clear that Home and Peach have grown to love each other and want to form a family together. A family that also includes Pangpang who is Peach's sister by blood and Home's sister by choice going by her contact name in Home's phone. If we compare Home's relationships with Peach and Pangpang it is also clear that Home doesn't view Peach as a brother. I think if one were to ask Home who's more important to him, Peach or any of his numbered ex-girlfriends, the answer would be pretty clear. Even if Home doesn't want to have sex with Peach (but if he does, all the power to him), he clearly views him as more than just a friend (again not that I agree with the idea that frienships are somehow lesser that romanic relationships, in the first place). He views him as someone he wants to be a family with. And imo that's pretty queer.

A lot of discussion of queerbaiting comes from a time and place where studios put little hints of queerness into their shows to hook the queer and shipping viewers but always kept it subtle in a way where the stock standard straight viewer didn't pick up on it because they wanted to have their cake and eat it, too. A lot of frustraition around this comes from the fact that we, as viewers who picked up on those hints, were constantly ridiculed by other fans who didn't want any 'icky homo shit' in their media. And because those "fans" would have never accepted anything but the caracters saying "we are homosexuals in a homosexual relationship" before making out on screen for 10 minutes as "proof" that anything queer might be happening between them, they could always feel like they were "right" and we were "wrong". (It hurt especially when the creators of those shows, who themselves put out the bait, participated in making fun of us.) And a lot of frustraition came from the fact that there wasn't a lot of explicitly queer media easily available to us at that time. So the subtle bait we got made fun of for noticing, was kind of all we had. Obviously we wanted them to make it more explicit, to make it "real".

But neither of these factors are really at play here. (I can't speak to the TV viwership numbers in Thailand, maybe they will contradict me) I don't think Peaceful Property is more popular than it would have been if they had marketed it as a BL (judging by the apparent spike in engagement for ep 7, it might even be the opposite) so I don't think they left it more vague (if that is the route they're going) in order to not alienate a staright conservative audience. There is also definitely not a dearth of explicitly gay media from gmmtv (and we've even gotten to a point where BL characters are increasingly allowed to call themselves gay/bi and aren't portrayed as straight boys who incidentally fell in love with another boy but are definitely not queer or anything).

With this context I think we can (again, if that is what they're going for) portray queer relationships that don't map neatly onto the predominant idea of a romantic relationship and that maybe don't have a sexual component to them.

Thanks for making it through my unorganised rambling. Have a pic of my beloved Chai-Un as a reward.

TL;DR If Home and Peach kiss, that's cool. If Home and Peach don't kiss, that's also cool. Either way what they've got going on is pretty queer.

#i hope my rambling is somewhat comprehendable but i'm sick and franly too lazy right now to organise my thoughts better #anyway feel free to disagree with me just wanted to throw in my two cents #peaceful property #peaceful property the series #also i'm admittedly bringing into this discussion some of my frustraition over seeing people call the trainee queerbaiting #because ba-mhee didn't end up with judy/ because they felt offgun didn't have enough screen time #also i think bromance is not automatically queerbaiting though im sure there is some that is

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kimmiessimmies · 11 months ago

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Personal post

This will probably be the most non-Sims related post I've put on this blog ever. I'll put most of it under a cut, so you can choose whether or not to read it. The thing is, I could use some advice. And asking strangers from all over the world advice on something important might be weird, but you are also my community, so I value your opinions. Don't worry, this isn't a "Kim being depressed" kinda post. 😉 It's a work thing.

Upfront: This post is about me being unhappy in my current well-paid job and my search for something that makes me happy. It might come across sounding a bit entitled, since I know there are many people who would be happy to have any job, just so they can pay their bills. I'm sorry if this post triggers that, and I know I'm privileged to even be in this situation. ❤️

TL/DR: Do I stay in a well-paid, secure job that doesn't bring happiness and actually negatively affects my mental health because of it? Or: Do I take the plunge into the unknown and give up the securities I have now for something that could potentially (but not guaranteed) not only make me happy but bring me opportunities as well?

Okay, here's the deal. Currently, I work in education. I've been teaching for 19 years, and for the last 3 years, I've held the position that best translates to special needs coordinator at the school where I've been all of my working life. In short, my job entails making sure the teachers have the tools they need to help all kids in their classes with special educational needs, to make sure each child ends up in the right form of education fitting their needs and dealing a lot with difficult or even alarming home situations. My job can be rewarding at times, and challenging at others. Aside from this, I've been part of the management team at my school for almost 8 years. I work at a big school. It wasn't big when I started there, but it's big now. I have a degree in Early Childhood Education, and that's also the age group I've always dealt with. It's the age group I've always taught, and it's the age group currently under my supervision in the position I'm now.

This past year, I've struggled with my mental health, as I've mentioned before, and have not been at work fully for a while. My therapist and I established that while work is "okay", it's also not bringing me joy anymore while my job was once the happiest and most passionate thing I did. Right now, it's blah. This position is not one that really suits me, yet I don't want to go back to teaching either. I've been there, done that. Add to that the fact that, come September, my boss requires me to change my position slightly. I'd be doing the same thing I do now, but for an older age group. This has given me a lot of stomach aches, because the thing that still drives me to do my job now is the fact that I'm doing it geared towards the youngest kids in school.

All in all, the job is not bringing me happiness in the slightest anymore. Having said that, I know a lot of people do jobs that don't make them happy, but it pays the bills, so let's suck it up and just do it. Which is fine, I can do that too, except my mental health suffers...

However, there are a few good things about this job too:

The pay is really good

I have lovely colleagues

I have a lot of credits here because I've been here for so long. They know my worth

I have a very understanding boss who's been nothing short of wonderful during my depression

(If you're still with me, thank you for reading this essay all the way, it's appreciated 💗)

My therapist asked me, "If money weren't a factor, what would you be doing?" My answer was "write." More specifically, I just want to stay home all day and work on ATOH, but no one is going to pay me for that. 😄 So, write, or do a job in which writing plays a role. So, she advised me to start looking for jobs that fit that description. It was a rather depressing search. Most jobs that came close to what I'd like to do require degrees or diplomas I don't have.

And then I suddenly stumbled upon something: Assistent Project Manager at a small, but well established company that creates educational projects (usually based on children's books), books and materials geared towards early childhood education in particular, and currently expanding to do the same for education to older kids as well.

I felt like I had found the holy grail. This is writing, this is editing, this is being creative, this is working with authors, but it's also closely related to early childhood education, the thing I know so well. Despite still being semi depressed, I felt like I needed to at least give this a shot. So, I wrote a letter, enclosed my resume, and waited. I didn't have to wait long, because a few days later I got an invite for an interview.

I went for the interview and was welcomed at a small and very homely office space (with an office cat!). We had a good talk and I left happy. They invited me to do a "trial day" with them, which is what I'll be doing today. They've had a lot of applicants for this position, but from the contact we've had since, it seems like I stand a good chance.

Sounds like a no-brainer? Perhaps, unless you have my brain... Because there are doubts:

Pay. This job pays quite a bit less than my current one. I'm a single parent and therefore sole breadwinner in my household. Currently, I make quite good money because I've been in this job for a long time and hold a relatively high position in the organisation. We can pay the bills, go on holidays, and even splurge occasionally (for example, the very pricey laptop I bought a few months ago). With this job, I would still make enough to pay the bills and go on holidays, but I will need to keep an eye on the money, and there won't be splurging for a while. I do know this sounds like a luxury problem to some.

Job security. In my current job, I'm under a fixed contract. Basically, unless I royally fuck up, I can't be fired. With this job I'd start on a year contract. After that year, they can either decide to give me another year or let me go. This won't just be if I mess up, but also if they decide I'm not the best person for the job after all, or if I don't fit in with their small, close-knit team. Worst case scenario; they let me go, and I'll have to go back to education and probably teach again.

These doubts are few, but strong. So, basically, like I already said above: do I stay in a well-paid, secure job that doesn't bring happiness and actually negatively affects my mental health because of it? Or: do I take the plunge into the unknown and give up the securities I have now for something that could potentially (but not guaranteed) not only make me happy but bring me opportunities as well (since it's publishing)?

I don't need anyone to actually answer those questions, but those are the wonderings on my mind I wanted to write down. Thanks for reading. ❤️

#personal #non sims

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bleue-flora · 9 months ago

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Why I think c!Dream is Autistic - Part 2

[Part 1] - [Part 2] - [Part 3]

If you haven’t read part 1 (eventhough I did try and write these as like separate things) I do recommend you go do that...

Did you do it? Hi hello, welcome back. :) Okay, now having gone over general traits, let’s talk more about the second part of my original statement [post]: “c!Dream is autistic and the consequential misunderstanding and miscommunication is a root of all the problems and conflicts” which I have covered a bit already [here].

So, because we think differently, communication and social interaction is often at the heart of a lot of our struggles (after my diagnosis at 20 I realized just how many of the conflicts in my past came down to this). Me and my therapist like to make the comparison that because autistic people’s brains are structured differently it is as if we are speaking a different language and as a result it ends with things being misinterpreted. Because as we all can recognize, when a language isn’t someone’s first, there are times when things don’t come across properly. Both because of perhaps a lack of words, different slang, tone, culture… etc. When you don’t take translation into consideration, it leads to miscommunication and misunderstanding as a lot of poor assumptions are made and conflict is often the result, especially because our inclination is to think the worst of people. [funnily enough here’s a great example between some anons about translation and communication 1 -> 2 -> 3]

As such, while autistic people have issues communicating with neurotypicals, we often don’t have issues communicating with each other - we speak the same language. So, it isn’t that we are any worse at communication in general than everyone else (in other words Dream is not the sole one to blame here), it’s that we are struggle to communicate with the neurotypical like we are speaking two different languages without even realizing it, so of course we struggle to understand each other.

I think (hopefully lol) we can all agree that the root of the dsmp conflict is miscommunication and not understanding each other. But the thing is, miscommunication in the standard sense, in our day to day life or in the climax of a romantic comedy is about the absence of communicating, like Quackity not talking to his fiances. It is to have information, an opinion, view or assumption that goes unsaid and then leads to struggle just because it was never talked out. However, in Dream’s case it isn’t that he doesn’t talk it out or not share his side of the story, because he does. He does a lot, he does communicate, how else could Dream apologists understand him even before the finale without his own pov detailing his thoughts.

He does talk about it but his autistic mind is using logic and facts against an emotional response leading to him being unheard. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter whether tyrant is the right word, they are just expressing their feelings of being controlled by a larger power, but Dream is too focused on pulling out the literal definition and the facts to see the real issue at hand - that they feel controlled and overshadowed by him. So they think Dream doesn’t care, and Dream thinks their points don't matter because their facts were wrong and no understanding is reached. Dream can use logic all day - Why would someone not want to escape a prison they were being tortured in? Why would someone make a prison and then plan on putting someone in an unfortified 1x1 hole in the wall? How can I be the tyrant when Eret is literally the king? How can I steal the discs if they were literally given to me after a fair duel? - but against people just spewing words out of anger, hurt, feelings of abandonment it isn’t going to make a difference.

Perhaps one of the most notable and tragic examples of this is George’s dethronement, in the aftermath of Techno’s attack and the Spirit speech, where Dream meets Sapnap’s and George’s emotions with logic and facts. (See [here] for full transcript, the following is trimmed down from two different vids)

[18:54] George: “Why—why do you think- why do you think I shouldn’t be king anymore?” Dream: “I think that… you would be safer if you were not, right?”

[23:56] Dream: “You’ll just be targeted if you’re the king, and you wanna be able to like, get revenge on Tommy and stuff, right? So, we can like work to—We can work together. Me and you.” George: “Hm. Sounds like you’re sugar-coating it.” Dream: “No, nono—I mean, it’s a little bit sugar-coated, but it’s also like… it’s just better because you don’t get attacked by everyone, and you can do whatever you want without having to worry...”

[25:37] Sapnap: “George, Dream said he didn’t care about anything on this SMP which… That just means he doesn’t care about us.” Dream: “Okay, I’ll have you say, I was—Okay, I wasn’t—I wasn’t—I didn’t actually mean I don’t care about anything.” George: “Why did you say it then?” Sapnap: “Yeah?” Dream: “Listen, listen! The reason I’m even saying George should step down as king is because I care about him. Because I—He’s been getting attacked, and I care about him, and I don’t want him to get attacked.”

[27:28] Dream: “What did you do as king? Like you didn’t do anything as king like decree or anything...” George: “I’ve been the best king this server has ever had!” Dream: “Yeah, I agree. I agree. But you’ve also been the least safe king because you just get attacked all the time because people don’t like me. And therefore, they don’t like you because you’re behind me, and you’re my friend.” Eret: “By association.” Dream: “Yeah. By association. So, like that’s the same reason, like, Sapnap’s got into some, you know, drama and stuff too, but…”—“Sap, stop pointing the damn bow at me.” George: “Just say—Just say you hate me.” Sapnap: “Yeah, just say it.” Dream: “George! *laughs in disbelief* George, I don’t—Listen to me. I care about you. That’s the reason I don’t want you to be the king.” Sapnap: “First—first—Listen to this. First, he says he doesn’t care about us, and now he’s demoting you as king.”

In this conversation over and over he reiterates how he cares and is trying to keep them safe from being targeted and attacked and yet after everything is said and done, his friends somehow leave that conversation thinking he doesn’t care about them. Why? Because what Sapnap really needed was validation for him feeling hurt, but instead Dream kept reasoning with his emotions with the concrete actions, details and facts, essentially saying that what he feels doesn’t matter because it’s not truth, which was never going to get through to them. They are listening but they aren’t hearing eachother, both think they have made their point and the other side has poor intentions for not reacting appropriately.

It took Tommy to literally experience Dream’s point of view to understand him and realize his intentions weren’t inherently malicious. Because only then could he shatter his assumptions and misconceptions about intention and motivation. Only then did he know which questions to ask Dream for him to get Dream to answer in a way that made sense to him. Before Tommy experiences Dream’s pov in limbo and after, Dream’s arguments and his answers for why don’t really change, he talks about peace and family so many different times, but it’s only after Tommy goes into his head that he’s able to actually translate what Dream was saying so he can hear him, understand him, see him.

It’s the assumption that the way you understand someone is what they meant to say that causes these issues in communication. Me missing social queues or body language that’s sending me a message and you assuming I don’t care or have a certain opinion on the matter because of my response or lack of response when in fact, no I just did not get the message after all. And as such as an autistic person it often feels like neurotypicals expect us to read their minds because they are sending messages, communicating how they feel just not in a way, not in a language we understand.

So, why do they ask that for the snake and not for people? - because people don’t speak snake, but surely people do speak people, so they assumed they don’t need to ask because they assumed that they can follow the train of thought because it's just like theirs. They assumed they understood each other but it’s like an American and a Brit arguing about jumpers without realizing they are two completely different clothing items.

#hopefully that makes sense I feel like I might be repeating myself a bit there but I try… it’s very hard for me to explain the two ways of #thinking when my brain doesn’t understand their process if that makes sense #like I completely follow dreams thought process in the dethronemenf so explaining Sapnap’s reasoning is hard lol because like it also don’t #make sense to me either XD… this is actually part of why I think neurodivergent peeps are drawn to Dream because we understand him)#dsmp #c!dream #dreblr #dream smp #dsmpblr #autistic c!dream #did someone order an essay?#no one does it like c!dream #god every time I watch the dethronement my heart breaks a little more… shout-out for punz for having dreams back per usual though…#autism #dsmp transcripts #alright so far the final essay is long I might have to do a bonus extra 4 🤦‍♀️

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