#and while crowley is closer to right than he is in terms of the system needing to be thrown out

[grntaire]

thinking about how you can see aziraphale kissing him back i need to be sedated

[snek-eyes]

Excellent commentary. It's a strange case because it is such a close adaption that it's easy to think they can be supplementary material for each other. But taking a closer look, the two of them are telling different stories along the same lines.

Having both isn't inherently a problem in itself (I rather like having the two different versions; if I want the book story it's still right there, I wouldn't need the show, and vice versa). But yeah, when you're trying to match them up, you get things like the longtime book fans who were upset about S2. And I get it; I liked season 2, but even that first night I found myself thinking it was difficult to see things playing out that way with the book versions of the characters. While I'm sure there's a way to get them to the same general place the show characters end up (with Aziraphale back in heaven and Crowley staying on earth, which is what I assume we need for the plot of book 2/season 3), this specific misunderstanding of where each other is coming from feels specific to the show boys.

(Because it's been dangerous for them, the show boys don't talk and challenge each other quite as openly as the the book boys do, which could at least partially explain why show!Aziraphale is still clinging to his view of heaven. But there's also how, while neither Crowley is exactly a fan of hell, show!Crowley seems to have personal beef with heaven in a way that book!Crowley doesn't... but also in a way he seems to have kept more or less to himself.)

A couple additional comparisons of book vs show Crowley's characterization under the cut because I'm having fun with this now:

One of the S1 lines that's transplanted from the book that always jumps out oddly is "Crowley was all in favor of Armageddon in general terms."

Now, I don't think either Crowley is ACTUALLY in favor of Armageddon. But this line feels odd for show!Crowley in a way that feels less so for book!Crowley. The book has more of that ironic tone of being a cold war parody/almost workplace comedy, so book!Crowley comes off like he's just toeing the company line to get his paycheck (left alone). Hell is a shitty employer, Heaven is just a rival company. Sure boss, totally working towards Armageddon over here here. Flash bastard AJ Crowley's not a bad guy or anything but Armageddon is... inconvenient.

Show!Crowley is more renegade and... takes armageddon more personally? He tells Aziraphale he goes along with hell as far as he can, but we see him actively going against what he's supposed to be demonically doing in Uz and Edinburgh. He also seems to have the attitude that heaven is worse than hell because at least hell isn't pretending their hands are clean.

Let's look at Crowley's line about "testing them to destruction," one that is in both the book and show but in markedly different contexts.

In the show, it's in the middle of him lamenting (alone) to God about how unfair They're being. And he connects what They're doing to the humans to his feelings about his own fall:

I only ever asked questions. That's all it took to be a demon in the old days. Great Plan? God, you listening? Show me a Great Plan. Okay, I know you're testing them, you said you were going to be testing them. You shouldn't test them to destruction. Not to the end of the world.

For book!Crowley? He says it to Aziraphale, in the middle of the drunken bookshop conversation when he's trying to convince him to help stop Armageddon. For book!Crowley, him and Aziraphale doing their jobs is an accepted part of the system; the part he has a problem with is now is the humans aren't getting a choice, Armageddon is a rigged game.

“But you’re part of it,” said Aziraphale. “You tempt people. You’re good at it.”

Crowley thumped his glass on the table. “That’s different. They don’t have to say yes. That’s the ineffable bit, right? Your side made it up. You’ve got to keep testing people. But not to destruction.”

“All right. All right. I don’t like it any more than you, but I told you. I can’t disod—disoy—not do what I’m told. ’M a’nangel.”

Like Aziraphale doesn't even question it.

(I was writing this out while my flight was delayed, but we're boarding now, so uh let's draw this to a quick conclusion.)

In the book, the system is a joke on the surface that's more dangerous than it initially appears. It's easy to be complacent and be like "Well that's just how it is, my individual contributions don't matter much" (I think Crowley literally says "I was just following orders," at one point), but the lesson is you can't hide behind that, you've got to take responsibility. Adam is a much more important character, and him deciding what matters to him personally that's worth standing up for is a big deal.

The show has less of that parody tone and so is more straightforward that the system is overtly doing real harm, and you can't abstain from being a part of it, even when it's doing you harm too.

(and we're taking off, wish me luck)

Good Omen's problem with having two canons

They're fundamentally different. That's the problem. That's my point.

For quite a while I focused almost exclusively on the new season of Good Omens, but now I am slowly delving into analysis that takes the entire show into account, and I've encountered a little obstacle. Namely, things from S1 can be really tricky to interpret.

Fair warning: this post is going to zig-zag between various points but I want you to trust me and take this scenic route with me. It will take us somewhere eventually, I promise.

The Arrangement

It's one of the core elements in the Good Omens universe and at the same time a perfect example of the issue I want to discuss. So let's have a closer look together.

In the book, the Arrangement is presented to us in two passages:

the first one, where it is first - very briefly - mentioned:

Aziraphale had tried to explain [free will] to him once. The whole point, he'd said - this was somewhere around 1020, when they'd first reached their little Arrangement - the whole point was that when a human was good or bad it was because they wanted to be.

and the second one, where it is properly introduced and explained:

The Arrangement was very simple, so simple in fact, that it didn't really deserve the capital letter, which it had got for simply being in existence for so long. It was the sort of sensible arrangement that many isolated agents, working in awkward conditions a long way from their superiors, reach with their opposite number when they realize they have more in common with their immediate opponents than their remote allies. It meant a tacit non-interference in certain of each other's activities. It made certain that while neither really won, also neither really lost, and both were able to demonstrate to their masters the great strides they were making against a cunning and well-informed adversary. (...) And then, of course, it had seemed even natural that they should, as it were, hold the fort for one another whenever common sense dictated. Both were of angel stock, after all. If one was going to Hull for a quick temptation, it made sense to nip across the city and carry out a standard brief moment of divine ecstasy. It'd get done anyway, and being sensible about it gave everyone more free time and cut down on expenses.

In the show, the Arrangement is presented to us in two original scenes in the cold opening of S1E3:

(I am quoting most relevant dialogues only)

537 AD, Wessex:

C: So we're both working very hard in damp places and just canceling each other out? A: Well, you could put it like that. It is a bit damp. C: Be easier if we both stayed home. If we just send messages back to our head offices saying we'd done everything they'd asked for, wouldn't it? A: But that would be lying. C: Eh, possibly, but the end result would be the same. Cancel each other out. A: But my dear fellow... well, they'd check. Michael's a bit of a stickler. You don't want to get Gabriel upset with you. C: Oh, our lot have better things to do than verifying compliance reports from Earth. As long as they get paperwork they seem happy enough. As long as you're being seen doing something every now and again. A: No! Absolutely not! I am shocked that you would even imply such a thing. We're not having that conversation, not another word!

1601 AD, The Globe Theatre:

A: I have to be in Edinburgh at the end of the week. A couple of blessings to do. A minor miracle to perform. (...) C: I'm meant to be heading to Edinburgh too this week. Tempting a clan leader to steal some cattle. A: Doesn't sound like hard work. C: That's why I thought we should... Well, bit of a waste of effort, both of us going all the way to Scotland. A: You cannot actually be suggesting what I infer that you are implying. C: Which is? A: That just one of us goes to Edingburgh, does both. The blessing and the tempting. C: We've done it before. Dozens of times now. The Arrangement- A: Don't say that! C: Our respective offices don't actually care how things get done. They just want to know they can cross it off the list.

S2 doesn't actually reference the Arrangement. But it does reuse the dialogue about free will where the 1020 date is dropped. We will get back to it.

The challenge of adapting Good Omens

Good Omens shares a certain characteristic with all of Terry Pratchett's solo books I've read - it couldn't care less about "showing instead of telling". Which I love, just to be clear. A book is a written medium. It's made with words and one of words' major strengths is that you can use them to just tell things point blanc.

Good Omens does it a lot and it's fantastic.

Look at that second passage from the book I quoted earlier.

From just those few sentences we learn a lot about the relationships between:

Heaven and Hell (opponents and competition)

Aziraphale and Crowley (two individuals in the same position and in direct contact with each other)

Aziraphale/Crowley and Heaven/Hell (field agent and a remote HQ that are not in direct contact)

Aziraphale/Crowley and Earth (two individuals and a space they live in)

Heaven/Hell and Earth (a board where the game is played, only winning or losing matters, what actually happens on a board does not)

It's really an extra condensed worldbuilding gem sprinkled with humor, so it's no surprise it's become one of the most iconic passages from the book.

I mean, just browse through some interviews with David and Michael - especially the ones from 2019 - where they explain what Aziraphale and Crowley are about. You'll be hard-pressed to find any where they don't reference that specific paragraph, consciously or otherwise.

But it's only this neat on the pages of the book, where narration like this takes mere seconds to absorb. It's impossible to convey the same information in a visual medium with anywhere near the same efficiency.

The fact that the majority of Good Omens is like this was, in my opinion, a main challenge the adaptation faced. The book is very narration-heavy. It's full of fun facts about characters, side jokes, hilarious comments, etc. Some of that precious material was salvaged by introducing God as a narrator, but there was only so much of it you could squeeze into a TV show. The rest had to either be fit into dialogues or lost in translation from the written medium to the visual one.

Obviously, in the case of the Arrangement, it was the dialogues.

Book canon and show canon

We all know they're not the same. Neil Gaiman also pointed it out several times. But I think our mistake is that we still tend to think about them as complementary.

Look at the Arrangement again. The show canon seems to merely expand on the book canon. Add extra details and fill in the blanks. The Arrangement works the exact same way, except now we also know more about how it started.

If we compile what we know from the book with what we know from the show, we get a more detailed timeline:

Crowley first proposes the Arrangement in 537 (show).

The Arrangement starts in 1020 (book), ie. Aziraphale finally agrees to it (show - deduction); we don't know for sure if it's a "basic version" (not getting in each other's way), or a "full version" (doing each other's jobs) but we can assume it's the former.

In 1601 "full version" of the Arrangement is in place for some time (they've done it dozens of times) but Aziraphale still objects and needs convincing.

But read that description from a book once more.

Does it really fit into the version of events shown in the TV series?

The Arrangement in the book is something that just happened. A natural, and in a way inevitable result of Aziraphale and Crowley's circumstances. We are never told who came up with it first because it doesn't matter. Because it could have been either of them. Because after five millennia on Earth, they were both ready to do it. They were both of the same mind. For all we know it might have been an unspoken agreement all along!

But for the show, the creators had to come up with a good reason for the Arrangement to be discussed out loud. And what could be a more natural situation for someone to describe and explain an idea than trying to sell that idea to someone else?

For that practical reason - among many others, no doubt - the Arrangement is not only explicitly Crowley's idea, but an idea Aziraphale vehemently rejects at first. He needs to be convinced and even when he finally relents he's never entirely comfortable with it. He keeps objecting and it requires Crowley's constant effort for them to keep cooperating in any way.

The fact that Aziraphale is reluctant gives Crowley a perfect reason to keep convincing him ie. talk about the Arrangement. But the fact that he needs to explain and keep convincing Aziraphale means that Aziraphale is no longer a person who understands the same things and feels the same way.

That is a huge change.

Of course, you may say that what I've written about the Arrangement in the book is just my interpretation. It's true that technically there's nothing there that would contradict the events from the show in any way. The thing is, the events in the show aren't very compatible with the overall characterization of the ineffable duo in the book.

Evolution of Aziraphale and Crowley

You might have read that our leading pair was originally conceived as a single character that Neil and Terry eventually decided to split into two separate individuals.

My reaction when I first learned about it was: "Of course they were! That makes so much sense!" Because honestly, as a person who watched the show first and then read the book, I was surprised at how few differences there were between the two in the original text. If you squint your eyes really tight, you can see how book!Aziraphale and book!Crowley are two versions of the same character. They're far more similar than their show versions.

Most importantly, their attitudes toward Heaven and Hell are pretty much identical. Perfectly mirrored in every regard. What Hell is for Crowley, Heaven is for Aziraphale. What Hell is for Aziraphale, Heaven is for Crowley. In. Every. Possible. Way.

Allow me to present some evidence from the book.

Exhibit #1: the end of the scene where Crowley convinces Aziraphale to interfere with Warlock's upbringing

'You're saying the child isn't evil of itself?' he said slowly. 'Potentially evil. Potentially good too, I suppose. Just this huge powerful potentiality, waiting to be shaped,' said Crowley. He shrugged. 'Anyway, why're we talking about this good and evil? They're just names for sides. We know that.' 'I suppose it's got to be worth a try,' said the angel. Crowley nodded encouragingly. 'Agreed?' said the demon, holding out his hand. The angel shook it, cautiously. 'It'll certainly be more interesting than saints,' he said. 'And it'll be for the child's own good, in the long run,' said Crowley. (...)

When Crowley first points out that good and evil are just names for sides, and then insists it's something they both know, Aziraphale doesn't react in any way. That's because these aren't things that book!Aziraphale disagrees with. He does indeed know it and doesn't deny it.

Also, please note just how cynical the angel is here with his comment that influencing the Antichrist would be a more interesting project than influencing saints!

Both would be rather OOC for show!Aziraphale.

Exhibit #2: the scene just after Warlock Dowling's birthday party, when it becomes evident he is not the Antichrist

'You said it was him!' moaned Aziraphale (...) 'It was him,' said Crowley. (...) 'Then someone else must be interfering.' 'There isn't anyone else! There's just us, right? Good and Evil. One side or the other.' He thumped the steering wheel. 'You'll be amazed at the kind of things they can do to you, down there,' he said. 'I imagine they're very similar to the sort of things they can do to you up there,' said Aziraphale. 'Come off it. Your lot get ineffable mercy,' said Crowley sourly. 'Yes? Did you ever visit Gomorrah?' 'Sure' said the demon. 'There was this great little tavern where you could get these terrific fermented date-palm cocktails with nutmeg and crushed lemongrass-' 'I meant afterwards.' 'Oh.'

Can you imagine this kind of exchange in the TV series? Can you imagine show!Aziraphale being this realistic about Heaven, and show!Crowley so naive about it? There's no way.

Show!Aziraphale genuinely believes that Heaven is good at its core.

Book!Aziraphale knows Heaven isn't any different than Hell and would punish him just as ruthlessly and unfairly as Hell would Crowley.

Show!Crowley understands both Heaven and Hell on a very deep level and is highly aware of their true nature.

Book!Crowley buys a piece of celestial propaganda about ineffable mercy and actually expects Heaven to be forgiving.

Let the magnitude of that difference sink.

Exhibit #3: same scene, a bit further

'So all we've got to do is find it,' said Crowley. 'Go through the hospital records.' The Bentley's engine coughed into life and the car leapt forward, forcing Aziraphale back into the seat. 'And then what?' he said. 'And then we find the child.' 'And then what?' The angel shut his eyes as the car crabbed around the corner. 'Don't know.' 'Good grief.' 'I suppose (...) your people wouldn't consider (...) giving me asylum?' 'I was going to ask you the same thing. (...)'

This is just a cherry on top, really.

Yes, in the book, when things go pear-shaped, both Aziraphale and Crowley consider seeking asylum on the opposite side.

Do you need more proof that book canon and show canon really aren't as compatible as they may seem?

Free will

As promised, let's get back to that dialogue because while it may not be obvious at first glance it really illustrates perfectly the problem arising from balancing between two canons.

Here is the full quote from the book:

Aziraphale had tried to explain [free will] to him once. The whole point, he'd said - this was somewhere around 1020, when they'd first reached their little Arrangement - the whole point was that when a human was good or bad it was because they wanted to be. Whereas people like Crowley and, of course, himself, were set in their ways right from the start. People couldn't become truly holy, he said, unless they also had the opportunity to be definitively wicked. Crowley had thought about it for some time and, around about 1023, had said, Hang on, that only works, right, if you start everyone off equal, OK? You can't start someone off in a muddy shack in the middle of a war zone and expect them to do as well as someone born in a castle. Ah, Aziraphale had said, that's the good bit. The lower you start, the more opportunities you have. Crowley had said, That's lunatic. No, said Aziraphale, it's ineffable.

And here, for comparison, is how it was reused in S2E3:

A: There is a stolen body in that barrel! This is wicked! C: Oh, I'm down with wicked! Anyway, is it wicked? She needed the money. A: That is irrelevant. Look, I am good. You, I'm afraid, are evil. But people get a choice. You know, they cannot be truly holy unless they also get the opportunity to be wicked. She is wicked. C: Yeah, that only works if you start everyone off equal. You can't start someone off like that and expect her to do as well as someone born in a castle. A: Ah, but no, no. That's the good bit. The lower you start, the more opportunities you have. So Elspeth here has all the opportunities because she's so poor. C: That's lunacy. A: No, that's ineffable.

I'll be honest with you - I didn't like that scene in the show. It felt jarring and off. Aziraphale was acting like it was his first day on Earth and it was frustrating to watch.

Then, on one of the rewatches, just as I was rolling my eyes at "that's ineffable", a bulb lit in my brain. That line didn't work there because it wasn't created to be there! In the book and in S1 "it's ineffable" was kind of Aziraphale's catchphrase but in S2 it only appears this once. More importantly, in the book and S1, the fact that the angel would say that was all a build-up to the scene when he threw it in Heaven's face at the Tadfield Airbase. Using that word in S2 was like trying to make a running joke that has already reached its destination run again.

And just like that one line the entire dialogue didn't fit because it wasn't meant to be there. It was created for an entirely different context.

What's the difference?

Firstly, book!husbands' conviction was very shallow and it wasn't uncommon for both of them to spout slogans without meaning them. Therefore, book!Aziraphale's words didn't carry that much weight. The very fact that the conversation took place at the same time they formed the Arrangement tells us something about how serious he was. But show!Aziraphale's relationship with his beliefs is different, so when he says things like that it's a much bigger deal.

Secondly, the book explicitly states that Aziraphale and Crowley only developed free will on Earth, due to extended exposure to mankind. The show never really makes a stand on the matter but based on what we've seen so far I think we can safely assume that angels and demons are capable of making their own choices as much as humans do.

In other words, in its original context, the conversation was just Aziraphale talking about a concept he didn't fully grasp, quoting propaganda he didn't fully subscribe to. He was being ignorant and mildly obnoxious in an endearing way.

But using the same dialogue verbatim in the Resurrectionist carried a completely different meaning. Aziraphale who utters it in the show has no reason to be so ignorant about free will. Aziraphale who utters it in the show genuinely tries to defend Heaven. Most importantly, Aziraphale who utters it in the show, doesn't just idly bicker with his friend about general things but is judging an actual human individual that's right in front of them. That, more than anything else, makes it sound heartless and ignorant.

What is the problem with having two canons, exactly?

It's time to wrap things up.

In the opening paragraphs, I've mentioned that I've noticed the issue while interpreting scenes from S1, and yes, that was the case and I do believe that the existence of two canons is especially problematic for S1. That's because pretty much every scene in S1 is potentially like that dialogue about free will in S2, except subtler and harder to spot.

A grand majority of what we see and hear in S1 comes directly from the book. But while words and actions were kept, in some instances things that gave them their original meaning might no longer be valid in the show universe. Sometimes they easily take new meaning, and we don't even notice. But sometimes there's this dissonance that's not as easy to work around.

S1 deviated from the book and created its own canon. But the difference didn't seem to go very deep and it seemed perfectly reasonable to use some trivia from the book to shed some extra light on the content of the show. I used to do it in my head, even though I was aware of the changes that were made.

But S2 expanded the show canon so far beyond what was in the book that I'm really not sure it makes sense to compile them anymore.

There are a lot of things that were only explicitly stated in the book that I keep clinging to. But perhaps it's time to let go...

Thank you for your patience.

I know all of the above isn't exactly a revolutionary discovery, but I needed to get it off my chest before writing anything else.

[supernatural-jackles]

The Arrangement

Title: The Arrangement

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 3,376

Warnings: Hunt Gone Wrong, SPN Level Angst, Anxiety, Mentions of Sex,  Tears, Cuddles, Fluff. 

Summary: After a hunt gone wrong, you take Dean up on the extremely useful  arrangement you both agreed on many years ago to help you get through the night. 

Squares Filled: Hurt/Comfort ( @spngenrebingo​)  Hunt Gone Wrong ( @spndeanbingo​)

A/N: Here is a lovely comfort fic for your Sunday evening! I hope y’all enjoy this one! It’s one of my favourites I've written in a while. This one was to cheer up my friend Help You Anon! Happy Reading!

 There were three things you were certain of in your life. One, monsters were most definitely real. Two, Bert and Ernie are gay. And three, you only have one person in the world that is solely made for you. Granted believing number one single handedly goes with number three and number two you know because Dean embedded in your head all those years ago. Either way, you knew them all to be true.

 You had been in the backseat of Dean’s ‘67 impala since you were twenty years old. Twenty and terrified of what had just happened right before your eyes. You were in the midst of studying for your midterm in the middle of the night. You had taken up the fourth couch in the library, not wanting to go back to your dorm room with your bitchy roommate still in there. You were about to fill up your cup of coffee when the lights flickered and the library went cold suddenly. You never believed in that sort of thing before. Not until you saw it with your own two eyes. An angry lady standing by the coffee station, blood dripping from her eyes as she stepped closer to you. You screamed and cried out, only to be thrown into the bookshelf. She almost finished you off when someone came rushing to you, slicing through her with what was a rod you used for a fireplace.

 Dean Winchester.

 You had been thrown pretty hard according to Dean. He helped you pack up your stuff before taking you to the hospital to get checked out. You had a minor concussion and needed about eight stitches for your arm that you didn’t even realize. He sat with you, making sure you were okay before he gave you what was now known as the talk.

 After that, you decided to join him on the road. Knowing what you know, you were never going to be able to live the same. You were going to be paranoid and vulnerable and you didn’t want to live your life scared. He offered to train you up and teach you what he knew about everything. You never looked back and most days, you didn’t regret it.

 In that time, Dean became your best friend. He was your mentor, your best friend, your partner in crime. That’s all it ever was. You knew each other like the back of your hand and it came in handy a lot of the time. You knew all his tells better than Sammy, and he knew all of yours. Somewhere along the line, it became the unspoken arrangement between the two of you. Eventually, the two of you came up with a check in system that seemed to work well for the arrangement. Purple means I’m not doing good and really need you right now. Black means sex. Green means I’m okay, I just don’t want to sleep alone tonight. Red means I need a distraction. White being I need to be alone for a little while. And blue, everything is okay.

 Over time, you became less and less about talking and more about taking what you need without asking permission for it. At first, it was a little awkward, but you grew into it quickly. After a rough hunt, you’d share a bed and curl into one another for that safety you needed. It started out that way. Some hunts were worse than others and needed special attention. Cuddling would sometimes turn into sex. Sometimes it was just sex. It was something that worked between you when nothing else did. When nothing else seemed to make it better. You found the comfort in his touch and the feel of his skin on yours. But it never went any further than that. You knew the life you lived. You knew it was short and dangerous. It was no life for love.

 You were on your way back from a hunt in Omaha. One of the hardest ones you had in awhile. Maybe it felt so bad because things had been looking up and this was a major set back. Or maybe it was the fact that things had gone so horribly wrong in the blink of an eye. All you knew was that you felt like a failure. Dean hadn’t said a word since the warehouse and for the first time in a really long time, Sam was pissed at both of you. It made for a really awkward ride home. Granted it was only three hours, but it felt like a lifetime.

 Dean pulled into the bunker’s garage just after midnight. Sam was the first one out, slamming the car door before stalking off into the bunker. Dean only got more angry as soon as the door slammed, following him back into the bunker, hot on his tail. You took a deep breath, kicking your door open to head in. You hated it when they fought. Every argument was the worst, more so when one of them stormed off without coming to terms with everything.

 You tiptoed into the library, both of their voices filling the bunker loud and clear. Hell, even if you were on the other side of the bunker you could hear them going at it. You swallowed hard, knowing full well that you didn’t want to get involved in it.

 “You knew full well what we were getting into and you still thought it was a good idea to go in just the three of us instead of waiting like I said we should have done,” Sam pointed out. His eyes narrowed at Dean as he stood on one side of the table.

 “None of us knew what we were walking into in there and you know it. None of us could have been ready, regardless of how many people we had,” Dean argued. “Besides that, who could have helped us Sam? Last I checked all we had was the three of us. Bobby is dead. Cas is MIA. Garth is a werewolf with a family to take care of. What, you want to call Rowena? Better yet, let’s take Jody and Donna, who have never handled demons before and have them play back up. What the fuck is your problem?”

 “My problem?” he scoffed. “My problem is this stupid macho ‘I can handle anything’ shit attitude you have when something doesn’t seem to be going our way. You give up at the first sign of trouble and jump into bed with her instead of having your head in the game. It’s shit like this that keeps happening and I’m sick and tired of losing, over and over again.”

 “We had one bad hunt,” you breathed out. “One in the last how many months?”

 “Sam, look. We’re all tired -”

 “Save it. I’m going to bed,” he scoffed, taking off out of the library and down the hall to his room. You let out a shaky breath, trying to gather your thoughts. Dean stood there with his hands on the back of the chair, trying to control his breathing. You knew this was going to go one of two ways. The chair was going to go flying into the wall, or he was going to walk over and pour himself a drink.

 “You okay?” he asked you, turning his head to look at you.

 “Yeah,” you nodded, your voice barely there. “I’m just gonna go shower.”

 “Don’t wait up,” he swallowed hard. His words made your heart sink in your chest. You pulled your bottom lip between your teeth, wondering if you should say something to him. Maybe that you lied when you said you were okay. He turned and headed over to pour himself a drink. There was no use. He had his mind set.

 You slowly wandered down the hall to your room. You knew you didn’t need a shower. You showered in the motel room to get all the blood off of you. If you scrubbed anymore, you’d start to bleed.

 You twisted the knob to your door, stepping inside before shutting it behind you. The room felt incredibly large. So much space for one person. You let out a shaky breath, closing your eyes to try and relax. Visions of the hunt came crawling back. The bodies hanging from the rafters in the warehouse. Families. Loved ones. Demons were evil, nasty sons of bitches. Now that Crowley wasn’t King of Hell, they thought they could do whatever they wanted. You were seconds too late and couldn’t exorcise the guy before he killed his vessel in the worst possible way. It was jobs like this that made you hate your job as a hunter. It was things like this that made you want to hang it up and never look back.

 You shook your head, trying to get the searing image out of your head. You opened up your drawer, grabbing a pair of comfortable pyjama pants and an oversized shirt. You could feel the heavy weight settling in your chest. Your hands were starting to shake. You knew you had about ten minutes, fifteen tops before everything came crashing down. Fifteen minutes to get yourself to safety.

 You slipped out of your room as soon as you got changed. Your feet took you quickly to Dean’s room. If he couldn’t be there, then at least the smell of him was. Your hand twisted the knob, kicking the door open as you took another deep breath. The light in his room was already on and much to your surprise, Dean was in his room, standing at the end of his bed in his sweats and his navy blue henley. You wasted no time. You were over at him in an instant, wrapping your arms around his shoulders, pulling him into you. Seconds later, his arms slipped around your back, holding you close to him.

 You had no idea how much you needed it until you got it. The smell of his body wash filled your nose, and his warmth coursed through you like a good glass of top shelf whiskey. This was exactly what you needed to begin to process the events that happened. He was what you needed.

 “Colour?” he muttered into the crook of your neck.

 “Purple,” you stuttered, tightening your grip on his shoulders. “You?”

 “Purple,” he whispered. “And a little bit of red.”

 “What do you need me to do?” you asked him.

 “I just want to feel you for a while,” he admitted. “What do you need from me?”

 “Close proximity,” you swallowed hard.

 “Climb into bed and I’ll be right in,” he assured you. You didn’t want to let go of him. You were needy and clingy and you didn’t want the cool air to hit you as soon as you let go. You knew he was coming right back to you. You reluctantly released him, slowly making your way over to his bed. The memory foam mattress did wonders for your back. His sheets were soft and his pillows were comfortable. His bed was the greatest place in the world, and the only thing that made it worth sleeping in was the man next to you. It was just a plain bed without him.

 Dean flicked the light out and shut the door completely. You rested your head on the pillow, waiting for him to slip into the bed with you. You could feel the tightness growing once more. Dean was the only one who seemed to make that go away. That’s why you were so certain that he was the one made for you. He was the one who was there for you, no matter what time or what it was about. He got you like no one else did. He was your one.

 He slipped his arm around your waist tugging you close to him. He positioned himself close to you, his leg fitting between yours, half of his chest pressed to you. His hand traced up to your cheek before he leaned in, giving you a soft peck on the lips that had your heart aching for more. You took a deep breath, settling against him. Your arms wrapped around his back, feeling the warmth of his muscles beneath your palms.

 “You lied to me,” he said with a soft smile.

 “You were mad. I didn’t want to push you after Sam,” you said softly. “Regardless, I still came in here looking for you. If I didn’t find you, I would have come back to the library. Or I would have texted you purple.”

 “It was a losing battle tonight,” he breathed out. “We weren’t going to make a damn difference even if we had gotten there two days before that.”

 “How can you be so sure?” you questioned.

 “Call it a gut feeling. They know how to toy with us,” he started. “They like theatrics. Chances are, that meatsuit was deep fried extra crispy before we got there. He would have been a mess.”

 “Doesn’t take away what happened in there, Dean. It doesn’t take away the fact that I saw those poor lifeless bodies hanging there. All that blood. This job sucks so much sometimes,” you confessed. “And it’s terrifying to know that it could happen to you and Sam and take the two of you away from me. I don’t know what I’d do if that happened.”

 “We’re not going anywhere,” he assured you. “Even if Sam’s pissed at us right now.”

 “He’s cranky,” you shrugged. “He might be better in the morning.”

 “Yeah. Sleep usually helps him,” he nodded. “What about you? Are you going to be okay?”

 “I don’t know yet,” you swallowed hard. “I’m so on edge right now. My chest is tight, and I feel shaky. Like at any second, I’m going to have a panic attack and it’s only the start.”

 “So definitely purple for you,” he frowned.

 “I’m trying to be okay,” you mouthed, tears welling in your eyes. You felt a lump forming in your throat as you looked away from his gorgeous green eyes. You knew you would cave and everything would come crashing down.

 “I know you are,” he mumbled. “But it’s okay if you’re not. This life is hard, and it’s rough. We always get the short end of the stick. All we’ve got is each other to get us through the really bad stuff. And there is some really bad stuff.”

 “I hate the bad stuff,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper. “And not being able to save people.”

 “I know, sweetheart,” he said softly, brushing the back of his knuckle over your cheek.

 “Purple,” you sobbed out, burying your face in the crook of his neck. You tightened your arms around him, squeezing him hard, as if he was going to disappear before your eyes. You felt his arms shift, pulling you into him. You felt the tears running down the sides of your face and into your hair. Your nose was filling with snot and your bottom lip quivered. You felt it with your entire body. At the same time, you felt a bit of release. You were safe in his personal space, like he had this bubble around you that no one could penetrate but you. All the warding in the world there to protect the both of you from harm's way.

 “It’s okay,” he whispered. “Let it all out. I’ve got you.” Man, did you let it out. You quaked beneath him as the sobs shot through you. The tears kept on coming, sliding down the sides of your face and into your hair. Dean’s hold never let up. His body was warm and welcoming with every tear that fell. His breathing was even, giving you something to match yours to.

 Eventually your nose got stuffed up and the tears fell less and less. Your breathing began to even out. You nuzzled into Dean’s neck a little more, relishing in the warmth of him so close to you. You never wanted to let go of him. You didn’t want to feel that cold fill the space between you again.

 “Colour?” you whispered.

 “To be determined,” he answered. “How are you holding up now?”

 “Better. Crying helped,” you nodded.

 “It usually does for you,” he half smiled. “I’m proud of you. You’re good at letting go when you need to and asking for help.”

 “So are you, Winchester,” you said, clearing your throat. Your voice hoarse from the tears. “You don’t give yourself nearly enough credit for how good you are doing. I draw my strength from you on the bad days. The days where I feel like shit, you’re there to pull me out of my funk. You’re the bestest friend a girl could ask for.”

 “I got scared tonight,” he confessed. “When I saw that family and the way he was looking at you. For a split second, I thought he was going to target you and take you away from me. That’s why I charged at him and why I didn’t question what I was doing. It was reckless and stupid, but when it comes to you - I don’t want to go through the pain of losing you knowing I could have done something about it. I won’t.”

 “Then you have to know that I won’t go through it again either, Dean. How many times have I lost you? How many times has something gone wrong to take you away from me?”

 “Too many,” he answered. “But you can get out of this life. Settle down somewhere and do whatever it is you want to do. You have a world of options. I have you and I have Sammy. That’s my life. I won’t lose either of you if I can help it.”

 “See, that’s where you are wrong, Winchester,” you swallowed hard. “I have you and I have Sam. You know the reason why I’m still in this with you. I can’t do this alone. Hunter life or regular life. At least when I’m here with you, I have a family. I need you and I need Sam. End of story.”

 “You’re just saying that because I’ve ruined all other men for you,” he winked.

 “Shut up, loser,” you scoffed playfully. “You got an answer for me?”

 “Green. Just need you to sleep next to me tonight,” he breathed out.

 “Big spoon or little spoon?” you questioned.

 “I’ll be big tonight. You look like you could use some arms around you still,” he smiled. You nodded your head as your eyes flicked up to his gorgeous green orbs. In a moment of confidence, you arched your head up, capturing his lips with yours in a sweet kiss.

 “Night De,” you muttered, turning in his arms. He settled down behind you, wrapping his arm tightly around your middle. He rested his head against yours, making himself comfortable. You placed your hand on his, nuzzling into the pillow.

 “Night Y/N.”

 Your eyes fluttered shut as you found comfort in his arms. A small smile played on your lips at the feel of him pressed against your back. There was no one else in the world you’d rather be with right now than Dean. Not even Sam could replace this man’s spot in your heart.

 “Mmmh, plaid,” you muttered.

 “Plaid?” he asked, confusion evident in his voice.

 “Multiple colours,” you whispered. “It’s a new one for us. Unless you want to use kaleidoscope instead.”

 “Depends,” he paused. “What does this one mean?”

 “It means, in this fucked up world we live in, there is no one in the universe I’d rather have next to me than you,” you revealed. “All the colours and then some in one. It’s my way of saying that I love you, Dean Winchester.”

 “Well then, plaid it is,” he chuckled. “‘Cause I love you too.”

 “Mhh, good,” you yawned. “Besides, I’m fairly certain you’re my soulmate at this point.”

 “I know you’re mine,” he said, tightening his arms around you. “Made for each other.”

 “And now everytime I steal your shirt, you’ll know I love you,” you giggled.

 “Best arrangement we’ve ever come up with,” he breathed out. “Sweet dreams, pretty girl.”

 “Night handsome.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you like it? What was your favourite part? Share your thoughts with me via reblog, reply or send me an ask! Your response is what keeps me going! 

[wanna-b-poet31]

Abuse by Any Other Name

So I am fascinated by Trauma and Abuse (both as a scholar and as a survivor of a toxic home environment myself) in Good Omens. This is an extension of one of my multi-part theory segments

Heaven’s Masquerade

Good Omens shows us Aziraphale and Crowley constantly coping (although often unhealthily) with the after-effects of their respective abuse and trauma. Both entities reference the way Heaven claims to “love” their angels but not once does Heaven actually cultivate healthy relationships with Aziraphale.  Instead, they masquerade as “love”.  

What they’re really asking for is ”control”. 

Example: Intimidating An Angel

Let’s examine one of the most blatant examples of Heaven’s abuse. Three angels corner Aziraphale. His supposed “siblings” who should be his closest allies, his most understanding companions,  his “side”, attack him. We can see in the above gif that although Uriel loosely holds his lapels Aziraphale is visibly shaking and terrified. Which is evident that it’s contact without consent. 

He immediately responds to the imposition wi terror, he knows that the could, and more likely would, be harmed by this contact. Which, is later seen to be correct when Sandalphon (not pictured in the Gif) punches his stomach as an act of intimidation.  Unlike Crowley’s mirrored actions, Uriel’s physical invasion of boundaries lacks respect and demonstrates an unequal power struggle.

Compare that altercation to the one that is Mirrored by Crowley:

Look at the immediate difference in body language. Sure, in the first Gif Aziraphale is surprised but the lunge, but he’s not intimidated by the attack. At first glance, it would seem Crowley’s invasion of boundaries is more aggressive and violent than Uriel’s.  However, upon closer inspection, the second gif shows that he’s not being pressed into the wall or lifted into the air. Crowley respects Aziraphale not to actually hurt him or put him into a position where Aziraphale could not escape.  There is no sign of struggle between the two. 

Whereas with Uriel Aziraphale is clearly panicking, there is no such concern in Aziraphale’s face with Crowley. There’s no shaking, no fear, no threat of death with Crowley, so we can presume that the boundary Uriel violated has not been crossed.  Rather, the consent to be touched hasn’t been violated. And that the closeness from Crowley while unexpected, is not unwelcome. In fact, Aziraphale takes advantage of the situation by taking the time to longingly inspect Crowley’s profile. 

While not the “nicest” way to be approached by his partner, Aziraphale is not scared. In fact, there’s an intimacy to the closeness. Besides the obvious hip thrust a la Crowley, and the nose touches, the second Gif shows a delay between Aziraphale’s reaction to the ex-satanic nun’s interruption and his gaze at Crowley. There’s an erotic element to the shared looks and a sense of trust here that Uriel’s attack does not share. 

Crowley’s goal is to “prove” his no-niceness, but Uriel’s goal is to intimidate. Crowley isn’t pushing against Aziraphale to show how “superior” he is to the angel, he’s doing it to show that “nice” isn’t a word he’s comfortable with. Uriel wants to make Aziraphale feel inferior to them.  

For Uriel and “the gang” it’s a means of controlling Aziraphale for his disobedience to Heaven. 

For Crowley, it’s intimacy. 

So...How Does Aziraphale Start Healing?

Aziraphale specifically needs to come to terms with the fact that Heaven, (not just angels, not just the bureaucracy, not just God, but ALL of Heaven) is the emotionally abusive, neglectful, cruelly judgmental, physically intimidating, and unsupportive “parent” to Aziraphale.  However, for much of the story, he hasn’t acknowledged it yet. 

This isn’t to say he doesn’t notice when Gabriel is cruel to him, or that Sandalphon is about .25 seconds away from smiting everything and that’s dangerous behavior, or that his calls to God are left unanswered, but he denies that these behaviors are inherent problems. The “Heavenly” behaviors we see directed towards Aziraphale, his interests, and his loves are disrespectful and belittling, but he still treats them like unquestionable authorities.  

The first step for a healthy recovery is admitting that there is a problem in the power dynamic.  At the very least, he needs to see that the terms and conditions of Heaven are unjust. 

Now, we do see Aziraphale push against his system of abuse, he lies to God for one thing, and maintains a relationship/agreement with Crowley, consequences be damned for another. But his rebellions still hold Heaven above all other relationships. It is still where his loyalties lay. At least, it’s where he claims his loyalties are, but he’s lying to himself. The bandstand scene shows us a rationalization to excuse Heaven’s treatment of him. 

Until he can admit that Heaven has hurt him, he can’t undo their damage.

Road to Recovery

I argue that the first step in Aziraphale’s recovery is when he admits that he has a problem with the end of the world. It’s not a full admission of Heaven’s fault, but it is an admission that when he does not feel comfortable with Heaven’s actions he should and CAN intervene. 

Before, with Noah and Jesus, he watched, even though he objected and was horrified by the actions against innocence. We see this again when he seems visibly upset with “all the smiting” that Sandalphon does at Sodom and Gamorah. Despite his misgivings, he doesn’t intervene (at least not on-screen). Look at the below gif. He’s clearly pained by God’s decision, but he bites his tongue. It’s not that he doesn’t want to question, it’s that he can not question. He must soldier on.

We can see that when Gabriel brings up the possibility of “something big is coming”, he is visibly perturbed. Then, once Crowley tells him about the coming of the Anti-Christ. He recognizes that his love for humanity and his life on Earth is a tipping point that he’s unwilling to give up.  But, he still does it by operating within the framework of Heaven.

The next crack happens when Aziraphale realizes Heaven is unsupportive of his efforts to save Heaven. His face visibly falls when Michael says they’ll forgive him for is an inevitable failure. He’s also upset by Gabriel who does give him encouragement, but in a tone that is clear, he thinks Aziraphale’s efforts are fruitless.  Heaven makes it clear that war is more important than love for God’s creatures.

Then Aziraphale goes to Heaven, wielding information about the Anti-Christ. He knows where Adam is, he knows the beast is released, and he knows that Armageddon is days, if not hours, away.  Yet, he falters. He’s all anxiety and nerves when he’s forced to talk to his so-called “side”, in a way he’s never like with Crowley. But this scene’s pièce de résistance is his choice to lie about the location of Adam. After first mentioning Crowley and all his wiles, he suddenly becomes uneasy. Gabriel asks “where” and Aziraphale recognizes that no one in the room cares about protecting humanity. Now, instead of the end of the world being his biggest problem, Angels (not yet Heaven) are.  This is further supported by their intimidation of him after the break-up on the bandstand.

While this scene is certainly progress towards naming his problem, he’s not all the way there yet. He meets with Crowley, and Crowley scares him because he’s not ready to admit Heaven is intrinsically abusive the same way Crowley is. He still believes that Heaven, and the angels, are on his side, that they’re doing right. He’s mortified about the very realy possibility that if he chooses Crowley, he’ll lose his divinity. His later scene summoning Metatron shows that he believes so badly that if he can only get ahold of God, everything will be sorted. But, it isn’t.  

It is only when he recognizes “hello god, it’s me Aziraphale” won’t get him shit, that HEAVEN is his problem. Not Crowley, not angels, not Hell, but Heaven is his abusive parent and he needs to pick which side he wants to be on.  

So what does he do? When he finally is pushed to the breaking point?

He chooses Crowley.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

[lady-divine-writes]

Good Omens. Can I kiss you? Please. Thank you

Hello, nonnie! I’m assuming that’s a prompt? XD Well, even if it’s not, here’s a one-shot. I hope you enjoy.

Can you hear me, God? It’s me. Crowley ... (1510 words)

Crowley visits Aziraphale at his bookshop and discovers that the mail system, and Gabriel, have done him wrong yet again ...

“How come every time I come in here lately it’s a new adventure in mail shenanigans?” Crowley complains, slogging through a mound of envelopes to get to – surprise, surprise! – another, bigger mound of envelopes. “Are you subletting to Publishers Clearing House then? They’re one of ours, you know.”

“Ha-ha ...” Aziraphale grumbles from amid the largest pile, lumped on his sofa and formed into a moat around him for easy access.

���Or did you rob a post office?” Crowley leaps over the last pile and lands clumsily beside him, scattering envelopes left and right, sending them flying across the covered floor. “Because if you did, I’m tellin’ you now, that’s a huge turn on.”

Aziraphale huffs in annoyance, collecting up the letters that went adrift within arm’s reach. “No such luck for you, I’m afraid. This is my latest assignment. I now get to manage the letters that humans write to God and send thru the post.”

“What are you supposed to do with all these?” Crowley picks up a handful and flips through them, searching for names or addresses he might recognize, tossing them over his shoulder when he doesn’t.

“Read them, sort them, categorize them. Anything I deem a priority gets sent to the head office.”

Crowley opens a few, hungry to cause mischief, if he can. “And what happens to them there? Do they get answered?”

“Some do.” Aziraphale clips a stack of letters together at the corner and sets them aside. “A lot of them will get re-read, re-sorted, re-categorized, and then …” He lets the sentence hang as he collects up a new stack of letters, no semblance of an emotion other than exhaustion on his face.

Crowley looks up from the letter he’s reading – a request from some slimy fuck to not let his wife find out he cheated on her with his sister-in-law. What pretentious twat would write God about something like that? And then be daft enough to send it through the post!? “Then … what?”

“They get filed away,” Aziraphale replies sadly, watching Crowley fold the letter he’s been reading and stuff it in his pocket. Aziraphale’s eyebrow arches, his eyes pointedly following the letter into Crowley’s coat, then stares at him questioningly.

“I think it best if I handle this one,” Crowley explains, patting his pocket. “Went to the wrong address, if you ask me.”

Aziraphale looks about to argue, then shrugs and lets it go, and Crowley digs into another letter.

“Okay,” he says, waving the new letter in Aziraphale’s direction. “This one’s a priority for sure!”

“What does it say?” Aziraphale asks in an even tone, as if he already knows.

“It’s from a little boy whose mum has cancer. Stage IV. He says she probably won’t live to see Christmas.”

“Right then.” Aziraphale reaches for it. “Let’s send that one up.”

“It’ll get answered, right?”

“We can only hope.”

Crowley stops, pulls the letter back. “What do you mean we can only hope?”

“I don’t make those decisions, Crowley. You know that.”

“But you believe this little boy deserves to be helped, right?”

“Of course, I do, but …”

“But …?”

“But God decides. And whether She helps or not, She has Her reasons. We’re not allowed to question them.”

“Right.” Crowley glowers, his eyes transforming to a brighter, more venomous shade of yellow. “Of course She does. And as we both know, She makes some bully choices.”

“Crowley …?” Aziraphale pleads, leaning forward, arm extended.

Crowley relents and holds the letter out. Not too relieved, Aziraphale reaches for it. But before his fingers come in contact, Crowley snaps his and the letter dissolves. Aziraphale’s eyes, half-lidded from a day of reading through humanities’ desperate pleas for help, fly open.

“Crowley! What did you …? Did you answer …?”

“I did nothing,” he says, brushing his hands together. “You saw nothing. You can’t prove a thing.”

“Crowley! I know how you feel! I really do! But let’s say that every letter here is from someone who wants the Almighty to save a dying loved one. Or themselves. And we save every single one of them. Do you know what happens then?”

“A bunch of people’s lives get saved. You’ve filled your good deeds quota, and humans of the world are happy. Maybe they even begin to believe in God again, did you ever think of that?”

“Yes.” Aziraphale sighs, looking decades older when that syllable passes his lips. “I did. I have. But as much as we hate it, there’s a system at play. To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under Heaven.”

“I know Ecclesiastes, angel,” Crowley grumps.

“A time to be born, and a time to die,” Aziraphale finishes, his heart aching with the way those words chip into Crowley’s armor. “If we don’t let humans pass when their time comes – the mothers, the fathers, the children - there won’t be any room for the new ones. The population will overwhelm them. It’ll put a strain on the planet. There will be no food for them, no clean water, no place to live.”

“They’ll find a way,” Crowley growls. “Humans always do. They’re resilient.”

“Aren’t you the one always telling me that the humans are destroying the planet? That they’re pretty much putting demons out of a job with the Evil they do?”

Crowley crosses his arms over his chest, pulling back into himself as Aziraphale speaks, his feelings on the subject wrestling sharply with Aziraphale’s logic. His sound logic.

“They’ll suffer,” Aziraphale continues. “And then we’ll have a new pile of mail sitting here to go through.”

Crowley rolls his head away, eyes drifting to the closest pile of envelopes, tracing over the words written on them without actually reading them. Aziraphale’s hand, reaching for the letter, finds Crowley’s arm and squeezes gently.

“If we give every human what they want, if we save every life, we’ll be solving their problems in the short term, but that won’t last. The pain and the heartache will continue on in the long run.”

“So you’re fine destroying one person to save another?” Crowley chuckles cruelly. “Of course you are. Your lot have no problem killing innocent people over the smallest infractions, do you? Not even children.”

Those words, Crowley’s tone, hit Aziraphale hard, but he can’t take them personally. Crowley isn’t angry with him. He knows that. As difficult as it can be to remember, he does know it. “I don’t get to make …”

“You don’t get to make those decisions. I know.”

“I know you think my job here on Earth should be to save everyone. And it is, but not the way you think. I’m here to try and make people see the light at the end of the tunnel.”

“And the light is …?”

“That love survives. It persists. It fights to the death. And after death, it’s still there. And if you have faith, you’ll find it.”

“You do realize that ex-es out about seventy-five percent of the population, don’t ya?”

“No. It includes people who don’t have faith in God, per se. Just because someone might not believe in the Almighty doesn’t mean the Almighty doesn’t believe in them. I think that, maybe, you know that better than anyone.”

“Shove off!” Crowley snaps between his teeth, but he doesn’t move out of the reach of Aziraphale’s hand. He goes quiet, chewing on his tongue, and considers what the angel has said. His eyes narrow angrily for a moment, but he gives up his anger with a long breath in and a doubly long exhale. “They give you the suckiest jobs, angel. Don’t they?”

“Oh, I don’t know that I get any worse than any other angel.”

Crowley shakes his head. No. Of course Aziraphale wouldn’t see it that way, regardless of the horse shit Gabriel keeps piling on him. “Can I kiss you?”

“Do you want to? You don’t seem too pleased with me.”

“I am. But even if I wasn’t, I would be later, so can’t we start now?”

Aziraphale’s weary expression softens with the onset of a small smile. “Sure, my dear. Why don’t you slide on over …” Aziraphale surveys the mess of envelopes between them and chuckles “… if you can.”

Aziraphale carefully re-locates the nearest stack of envelopes to a clean spot on the floor while Crowley sweeps others thoughtlessly off the sofa and sits on the rest. He slides up to his angel and kisses him, not waiting a single breath for a word or a look. One arm cradles Aziraphale against Crowley’s body, distracting the angel with a hand kneading his shoulder, while behind his back, covered by that kiss, Crowley snaps a small pile of letters to his flat for future review.

Aziraphale’s fingers find Crowley’s hair and thread themselves in, pulling him closer, pulling him deeper. But behind his eyelids, covered by that kiss, Aziraphale knows what Crowley has done – how he stole those letters, how he intends on breaking the rules.

And he says nothing.

[ijustwant2write]

Demons and Dragons-Crowley x Reader x Aziraphale (Platonic)

(GIF credit to @sherlxdestiel)

Saw a post by @darkshadow3942 and I had to write it! Also this is my first Good Omens post, and I can’t express how much I love this show!!!!

Summary: Imagine being the supposed dragon that was supposedly slain by Saint George. In reality, you’re a simple demon that posed as a dragon after Crowley dared you into it. He still gets a kick out of it to this day every time you two go out for a drink.

Characters: Crowley x Reader (platonic), Aziraphale x Reader (platonic)

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

Warnings: Slight swearing, drinking

(A/N: I just had to include Aziraphale in this and you’ll see why)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“(Y/N)! What the devil are you doing here?” I heard Crowley exclaim as he spotted me.

I was casually leaning against a lamppost, hands in my coat pockets as I watched him emerge from the bookshop his angel friend owned. He sauntered across the road, not bothering to check for cars as a grin beamed across his face.

I smiled back at him.“It’s been quite some time. Needed to get away from everyone down below, you know? Be with someone I can tolerate.”

“Tolerate? So I’ve moved up in the ranks.”

“When someone told me that you were hanging out in a bookshop, I had to come and see it for myself. How come you’re here?”

“Well, you know, anti-Christ, end of the world, usual business.”

I nodded, sensing the sarcasm.“Oh yes, heard about that too.”

“Listen, we should talk about this over a glass of wine!”

“Just a glass?”

Over Crowley’s shoulder, I saw movement coming from the bookshop, a man dressed in variations of whites spotted us, twiddling his thumbs together. Crowley noticed that I wasn’t paying attention to him anymore, spinning around before quickly turning back to me.

“Right, are we going? I know a great place where-”

“Invite the angel.”

His lips were pursed as he went to speak, but he hesitated.“W-what?”

“We can’t leave him by himself! That would just be plain rude.”

“Demons don’t care about manners.”

A slow smirk grew on my face, Crowley’s eyes reflecting worry as he saw; his footsteps were frantic as I made a beeline for the angel, liking the horrified look he was trying to hide. 

“Hello, we haven’t met.” I started.“I’m (Y/N), an old friend of Crowley’s, though I suppose you’re a much older friend than I am.”

“We’re not friends.” they simultaneously said, though neither held much conviction in their tone.

My eyes darted between them, before giggling at them.“We were wondering if you would care to join us for a drink?”

“Drinking with demons? I couldn’t possibly fathom-”

“What’s your name?”

“I-it’s Aziraphale.”

“Aziraphale, have you ever heard the term, ‘keep your friends close and your enemies closer’?”

“Yes.”

“Well, I think that’s what’s going on here. Come on, I’m parched. Where’s a good place to drink round here?”

Leaning back in my chair, I clumsily placed the wine glass down on the table, chuckling quietly to myself as it almost tipped over. Yet again it was empty, though Crowley was quick to fill it back up again. We clinked our glasses, raising them towards each other before necking the wine back again. Poor Aziraphale sat with his own drink, and though he too had drank quite a few, he wasn’t letting loose as much as we were. 

Everyone knew (or had suspicions of) these two. They definitely were friends, even if they didn’t want to label it that way. Demons and Angels despised each other, it was a well known fact, even amongst the humans. Good Vs Bad, God’s army against Satan’s. But these two seemed to break the mold. I had been around for just about the same time as them, yet I had never seen another friendship like it. They were able to find loopholes, break the system somehow without even alerting anyone. Yes, people knew, but they didn’t actually know what they were doing together.

“May I ask,” Aziraphale suddenly spoke up,“as to why you are here (Y/N)?”

I cleared my throat, crossing one leg over the other as I swirled my wine around in my glass.“To be completely honest with you, I was bored.”

“Bored?”

“Yes, bored. All anyone went on about down there was the anti-Christ and how many days it was until Armageddon. I mean, doesn’t anyone have anything better to do?”

“I mean, it is the end of the world they’re discussing. Seems like a big thing to me.”

“Yes, but I’m not interested. Everything turned so serious, where’s all the fun nowadays? We used to be able to do anything we liked!”

“Oh!” Crowley raised a finger, falling into hysterics as he tried to speak.“Do...do you....d-do...oh, I’m sorry, just hold on a minute.”

We waited as he continued laughing, the alcohol not helping him recover. He took a deep breath though ended up laughing again. Once he was calm, wiping away the tears in his eyes, he regained his posture, able to speak properly again.

“Do you remember St George?”

I cracked up with laughter too as soon as the name popped up. As we bent over giggling, throwing our heads back when snorting, Aziraphale once again remained silent, watching the two idiot demons lose it.

“St George? Why should she remember him?” Aziraphale asked, looking back and forth between us.

“Because, dear angel,” I spread open my arms in a proud fashion,“I was that dragon that was slain by the saint himself.”

Aziraphale sat up even straighter.“I beg your pardon?”

“Well, dragons are seen as evil beings right? Or used to be anyway. Obviously someone needed to do the job. Crowley was supposed to, but as usual, he found a loophole.”

“Now hang on a second,” Crowley rushed out after drinking from his glass,“we were both bored, and neither of us had an assignment, as you like to call them, like this in years!”

“Alright, if you say so.”

“Plus I don’t like morphing into animals, or mystical beings. It tires me too much.”

“Anyway, Crowley told me the details and insisted that I accept defeat from George.”

“You did?” Aziraphale raised an eyebrow, a small smile starting to form on his face.

“I don’t remember saying that.” Crowley protested.

“How would a simple man defeat a dragon? And if you know me so well, you would know that I wouldn’t accept defeat.”

“Yes, alright, but it was so much more interesting to watch than participate!”

“Hold on for just one moment!” Aziraphale exclaimed.“What happened after George slayed the dragon? Well, to you.”

“He slayed no dragon that day.” I started.“That man froze as soon as he saw me, almost shit his breeches. Before I could swallow him whole, Crowley stopped me. Somehow he convinced me to not eat the Saint-”

“But the dragon wanted human sacrifices, it kidnapped a princess!”

“Yeah, well, you know what our boss is like, a bit over dramatic a times, I’ll admit. When he got bored of that, he got Crowley in to sort out the mess he left behind, who then brought me in. I had no idea about the princess being there, she was annoying. Then George came along, I felt bad for the guy, pretended to be killed....that’s it really.”

“But the chivalry, the bravery-”

“He had none of that, and you made him a Saint.”

Aziraphale sighed.“Oh dear, if upstairs heard of this-”

I interrupted him once again.“They won’t though! It was centuries ago. Everyone was happy. I got to mess around with a good guy, Crowley got his bit of entertainment, and you did your job.”

I raised my glass in a happy fashion, chugging back the Prosecco like it was water. Aziraphale rolled his eyes, tutting at me, though not in a rude way; he was trying to process everything, the poor being. I knew that he would play by the books, he seemed to be the only angel that did nowadays. Crowley hadn’t stopped smirking throughout the story. He leaned back in his chair, one arm hooked around the back of it as he began speaking.

“Sorry I couldn’t tell you. But (Y/N) here is a sore loser.”

I scoffed.“I didn’t lose, I played dead so that some mere mortal would have a chance of living, because you begged me to.”

“See what I mean?”

“Although I am quite displeased by the fact that George didn’t do a good deed in ‘defeating evil’ as it were, I am grateful for what you did (Y/N).” Aziraphale finally smiled.

My face scrunched up at his words, pausing before saying,“What?”

“I put it down to good showmanship. I can imagine you put on quite a show.”

“A total drama queen.” Crowley added.

“Yes, well, I can admit it was a rather riveting performance.” I looked at my nails, distracting myself from the holy forgiveness being bestowed upon me.“Gave me something to do for a while.”

“Come on, admit it,” Crowley nudged me,“you loved it.”

“You know what gentlemen, we should do this more often. There are many stories I could tell you both.”

“Both?”

“Not all of them concern you Crowley.”

“I suppose you’re not that bad really. Why we could make this a daily thing-wait...Oh dear! Crowley, we must get going!”

“Whatever for?” Crowley slurred.

“Armageddon!”

The demon sighed, moaning like a child as he stood.“Yes alright. (Y/N), you need to pop by soon, tell me those stories. Pop by the bookshop anytime.” He slung his jacket over his shoulder, waltzing away as Aziraphale spluttered over his words.

“No! Well I don’t mean to be rude but, you see it’s my bookshop and-”

“Aziraphale, I think you might want to run after him. You do have a world to save.” I grinned.

He nodded, nimbly running after his demon friend. As the opposite pair quickly left, I gazed over the various alcohols left on the table. Crowley had drank almost all of his, though there was still enough left for me, whereas Aziraphale wasn’t as near finished.

I giggled to myself, pulling the beverages closer.“Seems a shame to let this all go to waste. What to start with first?”

[perhapsitmaybedragons]

God’s A Right Bastard But Then So Am I Chapter 3

Ok, still getting writing done. This is bizarre for me.

As always, either click here to read on AO3:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26633029/chapters/65053045

Or keep reading below:

“I have no idea what to do,” Anathema admitted after Adam unloaded all of his fears on her. He was supposed to be in school right now, but he'd got on his bike to go then doubled back to get to Jasmine Cottage. He hadn't even told the Them he was going.

“But you're a witch, and an adult! You must have some ideas. Turn me into a frog or something, that way I can't hurt anyone,” he shut his eyes tight, “I'll turn myself into one, that's what I'll do. And you can put me in one of those aquarium box things and Wensley will take care of me. Just until it's all over.”

Nothing happened.

“I can't turn you into a frog,” Anathema said gently. “And I don't know why your powers didn't go away. But Adam, last time you chose not to do anything bad. You came back from it and you didn't destroy the world. Why don't you think you can beat it again?”

“Last time didn't feel as scary,” he struggled to find the right words. “Last time it started with knowing I could change things the way I want them, but this time I can still make things happen but it feels like they're happening to me instead of because of me. I've been trying not to do any of the things the other Them can't, but they happen anyway even if I don't try to make them. I rode my bike over to Mr. Aziraphale's the other day, and it only took me-”

“Ten minutes,” Anathema and Newt finished for him.

“Yes, we'd noticed,” Newt admitted. “Us too. When we went for the surprise party for Crowley, only ten minutes driving.”

“I didn't mean to,” Adam said earnestly. Newt put a hand on the boy's shoulder and squeezed in what he hoped was a reassuring way. He'd always liked when his mother had done it to him, but he felt somehow that he wasn't doing it correctly.

“Do you think we should tell Crowley and Aziraphale?” Newt suggested. “They're a bit closer to all of this then the rest of us. They might be able to help?”

“It's worth a try,” Anathema agreed. “But Adam, aren't you supposed to be in school right now?”

“This was more important,” he said insistently. “It couldn't wait, I swear.”

Anathema was no fan of the school system anyway, so she didn't fight him. Newt looked uncomfortable, though. “All right. Well, we'll just get on over to the bookshop and see what Aziraphale thinks.”

 It's a lie to say that no one knows the innermost thoughts of God. Whales have been trying to tell humans for ages, but humans just record the lovely whale songs and use them to try to get themselves a better night of sleep. Cats know, but have decided that humans wouldn't be able to handle it. Dogs know, but they keep getting too distracted to come out with it.

Humans sometimes can come close to it, but they've never quite gotten there.

The ones least able to fathom the mind of the Almighty these days were the uppermost echelons of angels. Gabriel, Micheal, Sandalphon, even the voice of God, the Metatron, were all puzzled that the Great Plan hadn't gone off as they'd always expected. Despite Aziraphale's insistence that they should realize it was the Ineffable Plan, they had gotten it into their heads that Crowley and Aziraphale had managed to undo all of God's careful planning.

“Don't know how they managed it,” Gabriel grumbled yet again as he swapped out his pearl tailored jacket for a pure white one. “Has anyone been able to get through to Her?”

Everyone shook their heads. “I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO REACH HER. I HAVE NOT BEEN ASKED TO SPEAK FOR HER.” The Metatron responded.

“What do you think it could mean?” Michael asked. They were sitting in an upper board room in heaven. It was so high up that the only view out of the perfectly clear windows was clouds. Gabriel was the only one standing (if one does not count The Metatron, who could only project his head – though even that was floating above an office chair).

“We have to consider that somehow those two may have figured out how to cut us all off from God,” he put his arms behind his back as he paced, thinking aloud. “We know She knows all, and She is above being corrupted. But Her not answering us, her most ..beloved and devoted? No, those two did something, I'm sure of it.”

“But how could they have?”Uriel shook her head. “That doesn't seem possible.”

“An angel surviving hell fire and a demon surviving holy water wasn't supposed to be possible either,” he slammed his hands down on the table. “We have to continue with the plan as we've decided, even if we do have to work with,” he paused to shudder, “demons.” He spat the word out.

“I just don't know,” Uriel tried again. “I agree the world should have come to an end, but how can we be certain we're doing the right thing? Demons can't be trusted.”

Michael leaned forward in her chair and put a hand on Uriel's shoulder. “We can be sure because God is all knowing. She knows what we're up to. If She didn't want us to be doing this, She would already be stopping us, wouldn't she?”

   The hills are alive with the sound of music

“I am going to break this stupid thing,” Crowley glared at the gramophone, knowing what was coming next.

Everything went all right, Crowley?

“Why are you even asking me? You already know, don't you?”

Yes, but I don't want to show off. Getting you close to see it for yourself should have removed any doubt I was lying to you.

“You're God, you don't lie. You just play games with the universe, right?” He set his feet up on the coffee table and leaned himself back on his couch. “One that only you know the rules for.”

I can't tell you the names of the riders.

“What, is it going to be some big surprise? If you give me the names maybe I could do something about them before this all goes down again. Is Adam going to be involved?”

Yes, he is. And you may be about to suggest that you kill him, but we both know you're too fond of him for that. And that it isn't your thing to kill children.

“Yeah, I've been wanting to talk to you for a while about that flood you only saved Noah and his family from, by the way-”

We don't have time. Not now. And before you say that I am God and therefore not bound by the laws of time, that is true, but I need you to act and you are bound by those laws, even if it is by less than the average human or even demon. Took you a lot of power to stop time to help Adam out, right?

“You know, I got cast out just for asking questions. Why do you get to ask so many? Especially the kind you know the answer to?”

He waited for an answer, but none was coming. While waiting, his eyes fell on the box with Agnes's prediction. Sighing, he grabbed the box and opened, only to find a small index card with the words:

“Be not afraid, even when dragons bane is brandished by thine enemy. A new revelation awaits ye.”

“Well, lovely sentiment there, Agnes, but fat lot of help,” he tossed the card down, not even bothering to pick it up when it fell on the floor. “Always hated the book of Revelations. Worst book of the whole Bible, if you ask me.”

I'm not fond of the book of Job myself, God offered.

“Why do you only talk through the gramophone? Hell uses the radio, it's a lot more efficient. Or you could...I don't know, text? You're the Almighty, surely you didn't use up all your imagination creating thousands of types of beetles?”

I have allowed Gabriel and the others to set up the rules of contact between myself and anyone who isn't an angel. I can only contact a demon like yourself through something Heaven touched, or they would be alerted.

“You mean because Aziraphale made some changes to this thing you're allowed to talk to me through it without it going on their radar?” He groaned. “If I'd known that I'd have given him the damn thing back! Does Aziraphale know about that rule?”

Probably. He's the only one who reads all of the notices that get sent out from Heaven. And reads through all of the Terms of Agreements for electronic devices. But he wouldn't expect me to contact you, and probably wouldn't expect you to answer me.

“Yeah, well, you've insisted that he and I are at risk if I don't, so I don't have much choice there anyway, do I? What's the next job?”

I need you to go to Heaven.

“Oh, ok, you want me to commit suicide,” he kicked at the table, just hard enough to jostle the gramophone without tossing it off. “Aziraphale could go in with less trouble-”

Not after his trial he couldn't. And he'll want to talk to the others to see if there's some way to work out a peaceful resolution. My will has been done by the angels since before time began, but that means they know all the loopholes. If I speak to an angel, any of them, there are records. Same if I talk to humans, those are recorded as prayer.

“But you don't talk to demons and the angels see us as so low they never considered you'd want to talk to one of us,” Crowley finished for her. Most demons didn't have an imagination, but that made it sound like angels did. But rather, angels could only imagine things where they inevitable came out on top with humans just below them and demons much further down. “But you could still tell me what do do.”

I am telling you as I need to tell you, Crowley. Have faith.

With songs they have song for a thousand years

“Have faith She says,” he grimaced, getting himself up from the couch to pour himself several glasses of wine. “Wants me to break into heaven and have 'faith'” He poured the first glass, downed it, then went directly for the bottle rather than pour more. He pulled out his phone to start to dial Aziraphale and then put it back down, cursing himself and God for this one.

“I'll tell him when it's all over. Provided we all survive it this time,” he chugged the rest of the bottle, opened a new bottle and drank that, too. He went back to the couch with a 3rd bottle and sat down, grabbing the card from Agnes off the floor. “Well, Agnes, I am already not following your advice because I am well and truly afraid and I can't even warn the others about how shit-pantsingly terrified they should be.” He drank the last bottle and curled up and fell asleep.

[sleepywinchester]

UNUSUAL | PT. 19

Summary: The Winchesters found her in Crowley’s supernatural prison guarded by a dozen of demons. Keeping her as leverage without even knowing she’s the big key everyone is looking for. 

Autor: @sleepywinchester | prev. deanwinchester-af 

Pairings: Dean x OFC (Eventually)

Characters: Dean Winchester, Katherine Pierce, Sam Winchester, Benny.

Words: 1.5k+

Warnings: None.

Title: Mistakes Were Made

A/N: This is part of my series re-write. This chapter is also written in first person; idk, I just felt like writing it that way.  Is been a while since I’ve written for this fic and geez, forgot how much I love it. | gifs are not mine |

Feedback is always appreciated it <3

Masterlist

There was nothing entertaining playing on TV, there were no signs of cases, and the claustrophobic began to overcome my senses. I could take almost everything but boredom, that was something that didn’t suit me. Three days in Bobby’s old cabin with Dean was my limit, I couldn’t handle being in here another hour. Dean wasn’t a bad company, it were the mixed up thoughts and feelings what worried me.

“That’s it,” I spat, standing up from the old couch and shutting the TV off.

“Where are you going?” Dean’s asked without taking his eyes off the laptop.

“We,” I corrected him. “We are going to the bar,” I kept talking as I made my way to his side. My tone casual with a notch of demanding. “If we don’t go out tonight, I’ll lose my mind.”

Dean barely reacted to my words. He scoffed softly without disconnecting from his laptop.

“Suit yourself,” he replied.

A deep and slightly annoyed sigh crawled up my throat. I wasn’t going to take no for an answer. We were going to go out of this cabin tonight. I didn’t care if I had to drag his fine ass out of the cabin myself. It wasn’t until I shut Dean’s laptop close that his green eyes finally met mine.

“Hey!?” Dean snapped.

My eyebrows rose, “Stop stalking your brother and let’s go out!”

Dean rolled his eyebrows, saying, “I’m not stalking, Sammy.”

“You’ve been keeping tabs on him since he left the cabins three days ago,” I rested a hand on top of the table, looking down into Dean’s eyes. “Sam’s a big boy, he can take care of himself. Now can we just go? I’m starving and I want a beer.”

Tonight we were going out and there’s nothing Dean Winchester would do to get out of this. Without waiting for an answer from him, I took my leather jacket from the chair next to him and walked out of the cabin.  

Dean watched you with squinted eyes as you walked outside. A part of him couldn’t believe the audacity of your tone, the other part was turned on by your bossy attitude. He sighed deeply giving in to your demands, grabbing his jacket and strolled out. The corners of Dean’s lips curved for a second when he saw you already sitting in the passenger seat.  

“You can be really bossy sometimes,” Dean got inside the car.. “And a real pain in the ass.”

“You love it.” I taunted with a wink, “Now let’s go before we miss happy hour.”

Dean scoffed once again, scoffing and keeping his cool. He did enjoyed those characteristic about you. It was his pride that stopped him from accepting the feeling and say it outloud.

- - - -

It was a Tuesday and giving the day of the week, the bar wasn’t as lonely as expected. Instead it was crowded with some noticeable couples and lots some other fellas. It wasn’t till I saw the hearts in some of the spots of the bar that I remembered which day it was.

“I completely forgot it was Valentine’s Day,” I muttered taking a swing of the half drank beer, glancing at a couple kissing by the bar. They seemed happy and functional, the woman was laughing her ass off at something her boyfriend said.

Dean was looking at the same couple as well, “I forgot too which is weird.”

My eyes looked into Dean’s gorgeous green eyes, “I bet is a busy night for Dean Winchester.”

The taunt on my voice made him chuckle, showing his teeth before biting his lower lip.

“I get by,” Dean said before having another swig of the amber licor resting on his cup.

The Winchester suddenly didn’t felt like talking about his game or how smoothly he hits on women and take them home. Maybe it was respect or keeping his privacy to himself but talking that topic with Katherine didn’t felt right.

“So…” I licked my lip, searching for a way to break the sudden awkward silence. “What really happened with Sam?” He gave me a flat look in response. “Come on, Dean. It’s been three days, it’s good to talk about the shit you’re going through sometimes.”

Dean sighed deeply and shrugged, “You know what happened with him. I sent a phantom text to his ex-girlfriend. Sammy got mad and we’re not really on talkin’ terms. Simple.”

“That was a dick move,” I replied with a steady tone, “but he will get over it.”

“Yeah,” Dean scoffed drinking the last sip of his whiskey.

“Soon Sam will come around and you guys will pair back up to annoy the hell out of me.” I took a sip of my beer.

Dean arched his eyebrow, “You’re not a peach yourself, Kat. You’re bossy and sarcastic.”

Flashing a flirty grin, I leaned backwards, “You love my company, Winchester.”

“Why are you still here, Katherine?” Dean suddenly asked with a serious look on his face. I didn’t spoke taking my time to think a valid answer. “I mean,” he leaned forward, “you can be anywhere in the world right now - since we helped Benny but… you’re still here. Why?”

“I like-” I took a pause to lick my lower lip and shrug, “I like helping people… It makes me feel redemption for all the horrible things I’ve done. In my head if I save as many people as I’ve hurt, I might wake up one morning where I actually like the person staring back at me in the mirror.”

“Hmm” Dean hummed staring into my eyes. “I know the feeling. “ He ignored the waitress when she came back to grab the empty plates and place a new round of beers on the table. “That’s the same reason I hunt.”

Grabbing the beer, leaning it forward for a cheer, “To redemption.”

He grabbed his and shook it with mine, “To redemption.”

After both taking a swing of the beer, I hopped off the stool and grabbed my beer. Walking towards the free pool table without asking him to come with me. Somehow I knew Dean Winchesters would always follow my steps. He meet me by the pool table and I smirked watching him have a manly and mouthful swing of his beer.

“You’re gonna lose,” Dean bragged.

I stepped backwards with a flirty and daring smirk on my face. Touching the velvet rug inside the pool table as I walked. Dean’s eight ball skills are competent and he’s a damned good player and hustler. Daring him was something that brought me satisfaction. Laying the beer on the edge of the table and I went to grab the sticks.

“Let’s see, shall we?” I teased, tossing him a stick.

Dean’s eyebrow arched grabbing the stick and staring back at me with a slightly flirty cloud in his eyes. He knew your game and there was enough alcohol in his system to play along.

“I break,” he spoke with confidence and got the balls in position.

He leaned over the pool, his eyes staring at the triangle made of colorful and numbered balls in front of him. Dean raised his vision to meet my eyes and throw a smug wink before breaking the triangle and starting the game. What it supposed to be just one game of pool became three games, two hours and a handful of beers later.

The chart was two - one, with Dean Winchester on the lead. I wasn’t furious but I wasn’t happy about it either. We were drunk and alcohol made us forget about stereotypes and the millions reasons of why shouldn’t think of each other in anything more than friends. Between beers and turns we shared laughs and silly jokes no one except us would find funny. Dean looked at me before making the winning shot.

“Ha-ha,” Dean laughed with pride of his skills.

I sighed harshly and drank the last of my beer.

“Good thing we didn’t bet on anything,” I said softly.

Dean and I walked towards each other without noticing we were already close to each other. Both staring into each other’s eyes, neither of us feeling the need of saying a word.

“You don’t suck,” I taunted with a flirty smirk.

“You don’t suck either, Kat,” Dean licked his lips.

Dean clenched his jaw, suddenly my knees felt stable, he got closer and my heart beat faster. My sight was on his lips, kissing him was all I could think about. It took me by surprise when Dean’s lips crashed on mine, kissing me with so much lust and desire. 

Every inch in my body wanted to kiss him endlessly.  Every nerve in my body also wanted to jump on him and make love on top of the pool table. I wanted him. I craved him but my subconscious knew I couldn’t have him. That it was wrong for an ex-monster to be with a hunter. Love wasn’t made for me, Dean wasn’t someone I deserved having.

Let me know what you think?

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[tipsycad147]

by Jessica Dimas

A witchy self-care routine is, by my personal definition, a routine that includes elements of magick: divination, energy work, moon watching, spiritual connection and healing.

In this blog post I’m going to share my own personal witchy self-care routine and some ideas about what you can add to yours.

Creating a witchy self-care routine

For me, adding magickal elements to my self-care routine brought deeper healing, closer connection, and a better understanding of myself.

Magick is a term I first heard of about two years ago, although its definition is something I’d been familiar with for years.

Magick is the science and art of causing change to occur in conformity to will…the science of understanding oneself and one’s conditions. It is the art of applying that understanding in action.  Aleister Crowley

Aleister Crowley used this spelling of magick to differentiate between stage magic, where bunnies are pulled out of hats and the kind of magic that moves a person closer to fulfilling their true will.

Magick to me is another term that describes the law of attraction. It’s working with energy in order to manifest a beautiful life.

It’s not gimmicky, evil, privilege to only certain people, or something that requires certain religious beliefs or affiliations.

Magick is simply you, being intentional about your life and working with all of the beautiful energies around you.

My favourite witchy self-care elements

There are numerous ways to add witchy elements into your self-care routine. I’m going to be sharing my favourite ways since I’m most familiar with those.

I always recommend to explore what you feel drawn to and discard the rest. That’s what I do. Some things I’m just not interested in!

Customise your self-care routine to fit YOU. Below I’m sharing witchy elements to self-care and at the end, I’ll share a summarised example of my witchy self-care routine.

Working with the moon

Probably the most transformational witchy element of my self-care routine is following the energy of the moon every month.

This means I usually have four self-care rituals each month around the 4 main moon phases, and every morning I fill out a morning sheet that is tailored to the moon phase.

I have found working with the moon’s energy to be so powerful and healing because the moon is a reminder to touch on all aspects of self-care and manifestation.

Most people get stuck in the masculine “action” phase of life because that’s what our society gives value to. We’re highly esteemed if we hustle, push, and work hard.

But logic and common sense also tells us that isn’t sustainable. Nor does it give much in the way of truly connecting with yourself and releasing what needs to be healed.

The moon has four main phases: reflecting and setting intentions (new moon), taking inspired action (waxing moon), celebrating and giving gratitude (full moon), and releasing and going within (waning moon).

By following the moon every month, you’re touching on all aspects of self-care and manifestation.

Divination

Divination is the practice of receiving guidance from whatever higher source you believe in–your subconscious, your higher self, spirit guides, angels, god or goddess, etc.

My favourite form of divination has been oracle cards.

I really cannot count the number of times I have been left with tears streaming down my face because the cards I pulled were so insanely accurate.

Using oracle cards to connect with something higher than myself to receive guidance has absolutely brought deep healing to me, along with reassurance, inspiration, and courage.

Usually every morning when I’m filling out my morning worksheet, there’s a section on it to record a daily card pull. I’ve written a post here about my favourite decks and how I use them.

I like to do full spreads during one of my four monthly moon rituals, which consists of pulling five cards. These spreads are very healing and illuminating.

Other common forms of divination that you could look into are pendulums (I love these as well), reading tea leaves, scrying, automatic writing, numerology, astrology, palmistry, dowsing, and rune casting (amongst many more).

Crystal energy

Crystals are trending right now. I’m finding them on every shelf in main supermarkets, mainly with the intent of decor.

But crystals are actually powerful tools for healing and grounding, which is especially helpful for those of us with anxiety and highly sensitive nervous systems.

I have mainly used crystals to ground myself, open chakras, and for healing my womb energy.

You can check out my post here for a full explanation on crystals, how they work, how I use them and where I buy them.

Here is a small list of my top favourite crystals to work with:

Black tourmaline: this stone is my favourite for grounding.

Hematite: this is another favourite stone for grounding. I have a hematite bracelet I like to wear that helps keep me feeling grounding when I’m in social situations.

Amethyst: I absolutely love the energy of this crystal. I surround myself with amethyst when I pull oracle cards and I’ve found it helps so much with the clarity that comes though.

Selenite: this is another crystal I love when I’m connecting with a higher source. It helps lift the energy and opens that pathway for higher communication.

Lepidolite: this is a stone for change, so if you’re going through anything or making changes in your life, this is an amazing crystal to have on hand. It’s very comforting to me.

Rose quartz: this stone just feels like love. I use it for helping me to grow in my love for self and for calming myself down.

Astrology

Astrology has honestly blown my mind but also brought me to some very important realisations in the last year.

If you think of astrology as simply the sign you were born in, you haven’t even touched the tips of the iceberg.

For beginners, I would recommend downloading an app like Time Passages in order to find out all of your planet information, or simply go to a site like The Astro Codex (I highly recommend this site).

Your sun sign may be Capricorn, but in what house? The three main signs in your chart are your sun, moon and rising sign.

Once you find out your planets, Google each one. If your sun sign is Libra in the 4th house, google “Libra sun sign in the 4th house”. Begin exploring your chart.

Your jaw will probably drop. Finding out my Mars placement, for example, completely foretold my 20’s. I’m talking very specific experiences.

Here’s what I’ve come to learn though and this is so important: I believe our astrological chart is a guide and gives us major clues into who we are, our weaknesses, our strengths, and what our souls might’ve come here to experience.

BUT…it is not written in stone.

It is simply a blueprint amongst many blueprints that are available to help guide us, but if there’s something you don’t like in your chart, you don’t have to live it.

You are the one with the power. It’s your beliefs, thoughts and intentions that create your reality.

So while I do recommend astrology in order to understand yourself better, I don’t believe that everything you find has to come to be if you don’t want it to.

Working with spirit guides or familiars

One thing that really entered my awareness when I got deeper into self-care and magick was that there are really no coincidences. There are signs everywhere.

I have never written about this before, but one day about a year ago when I was pulling oracle cards, I was sitting there just listening. I asked who was there…who was giving me this beautiful feedback, I asked.

I immediately received the name “Samuel”. All I know is that Sam feels like love and peace to me. Sam is a feeling. I consider Sam my main spirit guide.

Adding witchy elements into your self-care routine means opening yourself up to the unknown. It means trusting your instincts even if the message you received growing up was to do the opposite.

Sam was my unknown. Now he’s like an invisible friend who makes me look crazy, but I honestly don’t care what he really is. He feels good, healing comes when I connect with him, and that’s all that really matters.

Familiars are spirit guides in animal form. I know one of my cats is a familiar. I had visualised him for months before I moved to North Carolina and when I went to find a cat, he sat on my lap and stared into my eyes for the longest time.

He’s also a dick and teaches me patience every day of my life. Probably the biggest lesson I need to learn.

I believe all animals have the capacity to be familiars. They all carry a very pure energy that helps us to reconnect with ourselves.

Begin to look around you and open yourself to the possibility that you aren’t alone. There are guides and messages all around you. Sometimes in the most unlikely of places, like behind the eyes of an animal or the numbers displayed on your clock the moment you look at it.

Energy work & spells

The biggest witchy element you could add to your self-care routine is working with energy.

This is something I never knew or understood before, but after I learned about the law of attraction I realised that this was the main driving force behind witchcraft.

Spells are simply intentions. If you don’t understand the law of attraction and manifestation, read this post. Intentions are the back bone of manifestation.

Working with energy is exactly like utilising the law of attraction–you decide what you want in your life, visualise it, and feel it into existence.

It’s the power behind the moon manifesting worksheets. It’s the power behind spells.

Here is the short, no-frills process for how to cast a spell (or more commonly known as setting an intention in the non-witchy world):

Get very clear on what you want to bring into your life. How you want to FEEL, what to you want to BE, what do you want to HAVE? (I have a worksheet for this in my law of attraction worksheet bundle.)

Visualise what you want. See yourself there and most importantly, feel how it would feel.

Most spellwork adds an element of ritual, such as working with the energy of a certain herb for example and doing something with it, such as burning it, burying it, or keeping it under your pillow.

I recommend Googling spells if that’s something that you feel called towards. The Encyclopedia of 5,000 Spells would also be a great resource to start with.

Hearth & kitchen magick

If I had to label what kind of witch I am, I would say I’m a hearth witch. Definitely solitary. The introverted, highly sensitive, empathic house witch. That’s me!

I love the idea of hearth and kitchen magick. It’s basically making your house a home and sanctuary by sprinkling love and magic throughout.

Some ways in which I do this are:

Energetic clearing (using palo santo or sage to clear the energy throughout my home).

Plant energy everywhere

Creating cosy spots throughout my home that invite me to connect with myself.

Intentionally using herbs and love in my food preparation.

I love my home and I spent a great deal of time visualising and feeling it into existence. You can read about how to manifest the perfect home for you in this post.

Now that I’m here, I’m slowing adding touches of love and soothing, magical energy throughout it. Hearth and kitchen magick in a nutshell is infusing love and intention into your home.

My witchy self-care routine

To put this all into perspective for you, here is a short description of my witchy self-care routine.

Morning

When I wake up, I grab a cup of coffee and go to my little spot in the living room (it’s winter right now so I’m sitting by the fireplace every morning…in the summer I’ll sit at my meditation space much more often).

In this space I’ll do my morning self-care, which includes the morning sheet from the moon worksheet bundle. I’ll pull a daily card to feel grounded and inspired before my day really begins.

During the day

Throughout my day, I usually don’t do anything significant besides attempting to stay present and clear. I definitely use my crystals during the day to stay grounded and curb feelings of anxiety if I have them. I simply hold or wear them.

While I clean I may listen to audio books or YouTube recordings that keep me feeling centred. I love listening to Abraham Hicks on YouTube.

I also try to get outside every day and just connect with nature and silence. Placing my hands on trees or in the earth truly sends the most comforting energy through my system.

When I get free moments during the day, I usually spend some time learning more about certain subjects I’m interested in. Lately it’s been astrology.

We’re always expanding and it’s good to just take small bites every day. Never feel like you need to know it all right this minute. Let it be a delicious crumb trail.

Nighttime

Every night, I have a certain wind-down routine. I turn on my string lights and take a shower where I visualise myself being energetically cleansed.

After my shower, I will usually sit at my meditation space and maybe light some palo santo or spritz myself with some grounding oil spray. If it’s a full or new moon, I’ll do a ritual to reconnect with myself.

I always do a full card spread during these rituals, which honestly feels like a therapist visit.

So as you can see, witchy self-care elements are simply woven throughout my day in small but significant ways.

My life has felt so much more magical and meaningful since adding witchy elements to my self-care routine. As I said, I don’t really consider them witchy but just a deeper connection with myself and the spirit world. Which is my definition of witchy, to be honest.

I hope you enjoyed this post. Are a witch with a solid self-care routine? If so, let me know what you add into your routine below in the comments.

https://jessicadimas.com/creating-a-witchy-self-care-routine/

[democratsunited-blog]

NYT Pens Laziest Possible Takedown of Democratic Socialism - July 9, 2018

https://uniteddemocrats.net/?p=5614

NYT Pens Laziest Possible Takedown of Democratic Socialism - July 9, 2018

Two weeks after Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez‘s surprise victory over a low-profile yet powerful 10-term incumbent, she’s become a symbol of the bottom-up, post-Bernie transformation of the Democratic Party. It feels premature, but it’s not. Having beaten the reasonably progressive machine pol Joe Crowley in the June primary, she’s now running in an overwhelmingly Democratic district that encompasses parts of Queens and the Bronx — it backed Clinton over Trump by 77-20 — she’s virtually assured of victory over token Republican opposition in the November general.

In four months, Ocasio-Cortez will become the youngest woman ever elected to Congress, and she will have done so on a platform of democratic socialism, calling for a carbon-neutral energy system in less than 20 years, the abolition of ICE, free college tuition, and a $15 living wage.

Naturally, this has brought out the laziest, more condescending possible regurgitations of conventional wisdom, about how she only won because she promised “free stuff” or how the only thing that propelled her victory was tribalism (i.e., she’s of Puerto Rican descent, and her majority-Latino district finally voted against its entrenched white-male incumbent for that reason alone). None of that is true. In fact, the areas of Ocasio-Cortez’s future district that voted for her most strongly are ones with diverse populations. And if anyone’s doling out free stuff, it’s the Republican Party, whose giant vortex of red ink masquerading as some sort of tax reform will punch us all in the nose sometime in the next few years.

But over the weekend, The New York Times‘ Bret Stephens penned what might be the ultimate in wrote-it-with-one-eye-open-while-brushing-his-teeth concern trolling. In “Democratic Socialism Is Dem Doom,” Stephens launches an intellectually indefensible broadside against Ocasio-Cortez that goes out of its way to mischaracterize her as a neophyte who has no idea what she’s saying or doing. Yes, she’s 28 and until recently tended bar in the Bronx, but she’s also a runner-up in the Intel Science Fair who interned with Sen. Ted Kennedy, founded a publishing firm, and holds a degree in economics from Boston University. Stephens, a climate-change skeptic and neocon whom the NYT hired away from the Wall Street Journal‘s conservative op-ed page in a bizarre effort to diversify itself post-Trump, mentions none of this. 

Calling her program “hemlock for the Democratic Party,” and arguing that ” ‘Democratic socialism’ is awful as a slogan and catastrophic as a policy” Stephens says that it always leads to disaster. Which disasters? He ticks off three obscurities: Israel in the 1980s, India in 1991, and Sweden in 1992. In other words, Stephens can’t furnish an example of a financial crisis from the last 25 years that can be attributed to democratic socialism, although two very large ones come to mind. The Great Recession of 2007-08 started as a housing crisis and grew into a massive banking catastrophe that nearly took down the world economy because financial institutions were essentially writing their own regulations, and the European debt crisis that grew out of it worsened after German Chancellor Angela Merkel insisted on dosing those profligate Greeks and Spaniards with some heavy-handed austerity.

After two colossal failures of neoliberal capitalism in a decade, is it any wonder that young people clamor for change or that people respond to it with enthusiasm?

It’s almost as if… my platform advances policies… that are already proven to work! 🤔

– Social Security (lift the cap) – Medicare (for all) – Tuition-Free K-12 schools (& higher ed) – Federally mandated minimum wage ($15)

They aren’t all my ideas. But they ARE good ideas! pic.twitter.com/2tOLgCkj34

— Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (@Ocasio2018) July 8, 2018

Stephens then trots out the boogeyman du jour, Venezuela, ostensibly because a decent wage for working Americans is the road to Carácas. Never mind that Venezuela is an authoritarian petrostate with endemic corruption whose former strongman, Hugo Chavez, initially won election as a reaction by desperate people against a cosseted upper class. (Never mind also that he survived a U.S.-backed coup and that his successor is an erratic kook with no respect for rule by law, and who thinks he communes with Chavez in the form of a little songbird.) What’s happening in Venezuela is tragic, but if conservative columnists worry about American decline, they should probably theorize about different avenues of corruption-fueled collapse right about now.

The temptation is to do a line-by-line run-down of Stephens’ fatuous comparisons and overall foolishness. “Fisking,” they used to call it, back in the circa-2004 golden age of blogging. That’s annoying and heavy-handed and I’m not going to do it. But apart from howlers like Stephens calling the U.S. welfare state “robust” — seriously? — the fundamental problem with this column is its insincerity. Why should anyone take a conservative seriously when they proclaim that this or that is good or bad for the Democratic Party? Why should we believe what they say? Desperate to delegitimize a fresh new adversary as a trendy frivolity unaware of the danger of her ideas, Stephens ignores two ways in which Ocasio-Cortez threatens the money-choked power structure: her refusal to accept corporate funding, and her eagerness to rebuild a decimated Democratic Party.

If you think the GOP is terrified of my politics now, just wait until they find out about public libraries.

— Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (@Ocasio2018) July 5, 2018

Try to read these two sentences without shuddering at the smugness and borderline-incomprehensibility: “If Trump is the new Nixon, the right way to oppose him isn’t to summon the ghost of George McGovern. Try some version of Bill Clinton (minus the grossness) for a change: working-class affect, middle-class politics, upper-class aspirations.”

What exactly does that last phrase even mean, and how does it not apply to Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez? Didn’t we literally just try another middle-of-the-road, aspirational Clinton like 20 months ago and end up in a fascist dystopia? The New York Times paints itself into this corner a lot, because its house brand of “conservative” tends to be a glib, contrarian Never-Trumper-lite who occupies the outermost boundary of acceptability to its liberal readership. They’re never going to hire an Eric Erickson or a Milo Yiannopoulis — which is good, because people that malevolent don’t deserve any more media oxygen. But, however regrettably, such figures are much closer to the soul of contemporary conservatism, in all its fact-free xenophobia and noxiousness. So in its endless pursuit of ideological balance, the Times defaults to predictable socialist-bashing. The same centrists and guardians of savvy who demand Trump be given a chance or the benefit of the doubt are on the attack like never before. Why? Because the idea that the rules may be rewritten to favor the less powerful, the young, the non-white is gaining strength.

70 years ago: Jobs Guarantee, Universal Healthcare & Housing as a Right were all championed by the President of the United States.

In fact, our campaign incorporates the legacy of 2 US Presidents.

FDR‘s Economic Bill of Rights includes Right to Education, Fair Income & more. https://t.co/OTMaXmiENA

— Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (@Ocasio2018) July 7, 2018

The Times‘ failure to notice Ocasio-Cortez until after she won the primary was so egregious that deposed former editor-in-chief Jill Abramson scolded the paper in no uncertain terms. And now it’s coming for her. But poorly argued socialist-bashing that consists entirely of alarmism tinged with I-can’t-believe-I-even-have-to-explain-this impatience reveals only one thing: fear. It’s the inverse of the fear that seizes progressives when we see Nazis marching with torches and children in cages. So welcome to the club, Bret Stephens! We invite you to show us a way out of this mess that doesn’t involve restoring power and prestige to the very people and institutions that have caused such intractable poverty and mass disillusionment.

Meanwhile, and tentatively speaking, the politics of the youthful Ocasio-Cortez, who was born four days before the 1989 Loma Prieta earthquake, represent a viable, alternative path. Without causing her shoulders to buckle under the weight of all our hopes and our expectations before she even takes office, every single person with reservations about Trumpism should cheer her on — if only to see how the experiment turns out. The Bret Stephenses of the world can tut-tut about the naivete of optimism and change all they want. But just because you’re convinced a better world than this is not even possible doesn’t mean you’re the only adult in the room.

  Read full story here

[thewittymillennial]

Could Democratic Socialism Save Us?

In the New York primary, a 28-year old underdog who found herself outspent by her opponent, Joe Crowley, 10-1 came out on top and defeated the incumbent 10-term congressman by a 15-point margin. At that moment, the message was made very clear: the millennial generation tired of the status quo and has decided as a group to do something about it.

In New York City politics, there are political machines that run the show. These groups pick politicians that will pursue their agendas and they get them into office until it’s time for a successor to come along, which of course has already been groomed by that same group by that time. It’s a cyclical thing that has been broken by Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s supporters. She was Crowley’s first primary challenger in 14 years, and he is the first incumbent Democrat to be defeated in a primary election since 1992.

Let me be clear. Ocasio-Cortez’s win isn’t to be taken lightly. The fact that a Democratic Socialist (which she has clarified is only ”a part of” who she is) who has never held office before was able to cause such a stir should not be taken lightly. The ideas of free college “Medicare for all” are resonating with the generation that is quickly becoming the largest age group of registered voters in the nation. That’s right - those of us who have been berated for not working hard enough when literally all the odds have been against us since the Reagan administration are looking to help fix the system that got us in this position to begin with. How do we plan on doing it? Democratic Socialism.

Before we start deciding Socialism is a bad thing, which is what we’ve been told essentially since its inception, let’s take a look at what it really is.

What is Democratic Socialism?

In a nutshell, socialism is a state-controlled economy in which the state controls the means of production (factories, offices, resources, and firms). In other forms of socialism, means of production are controlled and owned by workers.

In academia, the debate over what socialism actually is has been a very long, exhausting one. “The academic debates about socialism's 'meaning' are huge and arcane and rife with disagreements, but what all definitions have in common is either the elimination of the market or its strict containment," said Frances Fox Piven, a political scientist at the City University of New York and a former DSA board member.

In the present day, "Democratic socialist" and "socialist" are often treated as interchangeable terms, which can be confusing given Democratic socialists don't necessarily think the government should immediately take control of all aspects of the economy.

They do, however, generally believe the government should help provide for people's most basic needs and help all people have an equal chance at achieving success. 

Ocasio-Cortez's platform, for example, calls for Medicare for all, tuition-free college, and treats housing as a right.

Democratic socialists are not, however, proponents of an authoritarian government that provides the bare minimum to its people. Instead, they stand by the principles of democracy .

Per the Democratic Socialist of America, who endorsed Ocasio-Cortez’s campaign: “At the root of our socialism is a profound commitment to democracy, as means and end. As we are unlikely to see an immediate end to capitalism tomorrow, DSA fights for reforms today that will weaken the power of corporations and increase the power of working people."

Here's how Sen. Bernie Sanders, a self-declared Democratic socialist, defined it in a 2006 interview: "I think [democratic socialism] means the government has got to play a very important role in making sure that as a right of citizenship all of our people have healthcare; that as a right, all of our kids, regardless of income, have quality childcare, are able to go to college without going deeply into debt; that it means we do not allow large corporations and moneyed interests to destroy our environment; that we create a government in which it is not dominated by big money interest." 

"I mean, to me, it means democracy, frankly," he added. "That's all it means."

What Democratic Socialism is NOT

While there are many questions from both liberal and conservative sides about what Democratic Socialism is, here are a few things it is not: 

It is not Marxism. When Sanders spoke at the Georgetown University, he said clearly that he is NOT in favor of “workers owning the means of production,” which is one of the most important aspects of Marxism. Marxism would replace the corporate ownership of business and would hand the companies to the workers to manage and control. This eliminates the capitalist structure, something democratic socialism does not do.

It is not communism. In Karl Marx’s writing, he often used the terms “socialism” and “communism” interchangeably. Many still do today in the Marxist movements, but outside of that, most people see Communism as the political structure of the (now-separated) USSR and China. Marxist communism is impossible to enact wholly, so these regimes did not represent true Marxism. Even so, they are much closer to Marxist communism than to democratic socialism.

It is not a replacement for capitalism. True socialism would replace the capitalist economy we live in now and replace it fully with a socialist one. While this is the dream of Marxists and socialists everywhere, this is not the plan under democratic socialism. Democratic socialism would instead put more restrictions on corporations and owners. This would include limitations on how much more money a CEO can make compared to their employees, and granting employees more rights and higher minimum wage.

It is not the same as regular socialism. Democratic socialists have historically rejected the belief that the economy should be centrally planned (a centrally-planned economy is a socialist keystone belief). Instead, democratic socialism believes that some parts of society may be better if they are democratically planned: mass transit, medical care, minimum wage, etc. Democratic socialism still believes the capitalist market is best for consumer goods and services.

It is not outside the Democratic Party. When Sanders announced he was running for President, he switched his party from Independent to Democrat, and many wondered why a socialist would run as a Democrat. Yet, what many didn’t understand was that Democratic Socialism is not a party in itself and is an ideology that actually exists inside the Democratic Party.

Democratic socialists, like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, only want to highlight the needs they see in the country that they feel should be provided by the government. These basic needs include healthcare, education, and a stronger social safety net. If the New York primary win Ocasio-Cortez just experienced is any indicator, the democratic socialist message is being heard loud and clear.

[everettwilkinson]

POLITICO Playbook: COUNTDOWN: FIVE DAYS to shutdown

Good Monday morning. FIVE DAYS until the government runs out of money. CONSIDER THIS: Republicans have held the majority in Congress for three years, routinely promising to normalize government operations. Yet it’s Dec. 18 and the government is slated to shut down just a few days before Christmas. A deal to boost spending levels has all but fallen apart. And the two chambers will come back into session this week with no clear idea how to keep the government running. BUT … It looks like they will get tax reform done by midweek.

STATE OF PLAY — “GOP leaders in House, Senate endorse conflicting shutdown strategies,” by Rachael Bade, Seung Min Kim, and Jen Haberkorn: “Republican leaders in both houses of Congress face a sticky situation this week as they try to avert a government shutdown: Each side has promised its members things that will not fly in the other chamber. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) told moderate Sen. Susan Collins (R-Maine) he’d support passage of legislation by the end of the year to prop up Obamacare insurance markets — so long as she votes for tax reform. That addition, however, puts Speaker Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) in a pickle: his members are loath to be seen as bailing out a health care law they hate.

Story Continued Below

“Ryan, meanwhile, green-lighted a short-term spending strategy that funds the Pentagon but does nothing for Democratic priorities — and suggested House members could leave town to try to ‘jam the Senate’ into accepting their bill. But McConnell needs eight Democrats to pass anything, so the House plan is sure to fail in his chamber. ‘Right now, they’re just headed straight off a cliff,’ one person familiar with the negotiations said of the House. ‘[The] Senate’s not likely to jump with them.’

“Instead of addressing the obvious inconsistencies, GOP leaders have tried to put off the issue and focus on tax reform for now. They’re eager to delay internal spending fights until the tax package — which Republicans view as critical to maintaining their congressional majorities in the 2018 midterm elections — reaches the Oval Office for President Donald Trump’s signature sometime this week.” http://politi.co/2Bsm8LN

— HOUSTON CHRONICLE: “Congress unlikely to pass DACA replacement by year’s end,” by Bill Lambrecht: “While U.S. Rep. Henry Cuellar, D-Laredo, says it would take a miracle to get a deal done before lawmakers leave for the holidays later this week, immigration advocates are holding out hope that an agreement can be reached in the Senate by tying the fix to the must-pass budget bill, which could force action in the House.” http://bit.ly/2yS8zlT

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FINALLY… A VICTORY FOR TRUMP — “Trump finds success on taxes doing what he knows best — selling,” by Nancy Cook: “President Donald Trump is on the precipice of signing a sweeping tax reform bill, his first major piece of legislation since taking office 11 months ago, the result of a strategic decision to do one simple thing: focus on the hard sell. Trump has spent weeks wooing, prodding, cajoling and personally calling Republican lawmakers to pass sweeping tax legislation in time for Christmas – a deadline Trump himself set months ago – but he and his staff have left many of the policy decisions up to Republican lawmakers and top congressional staffers.

“In the final weeks of negotiations, Trump has acted as the cheerleader and closer. He’s personally phoned lawmakers whose support of the bill wavered at times — including Republican Sens. Bob Corker, Ron Johnson and Steve Daines — while staying in close touch with congressional leadership to check on progress toward a win, according to several White House aides, congressional officials and people close to the administration.” http://politi.co/2BujUf4

THE HIDDEN GOODIES — “Trump, Real Estate Investors Get Last-Minute Perk in Tax Bill,” by Bloomberg’s Lynnley Browning and Ben Bain: “Lawmakers scrambling to lock up Republican support for the tax reform bill added a complicated provision late in the process — one that would provide a multimillion-dollar windfall to real estate investors such as President Donald Trump. The change, which would allow real estate businesses to take advantage of a new tax break that’s planned for partnerships, limited liability companies and other so-called ‘pass-through’ businesses, combined elements of House and Senate legislation in a new way.

“Its beneficiaries are clear, tax experts say, and they include a president who’s said that the tax legislation wouldn’t help him financially. … James Repetti, a tax law professor at Boston College Law School, said: ‘This is a windfall for real estate developers like Trump.’ The revision might also bring tax benefits to several members of Congress, according to financial disclosures they’ve filed that reflect ownership of pass-through firms with real estate holdings. One such lawmaker, Republican Senator Bob Corker of Tennessee, who’d voted against an earlier version of the legislation, said on Friday that he would support the revised legislation.” https://bloom.bg/2B6rMWR

— THE TENNESSEAN: “Sen. Bob Corker asked a top Senate Republican on Sunday to explain how a provision that will provide a tax break to people with large commercial real estate holdings ended up in the final version of the tax reform package that Congress is expected to approve this week.

“‘Because this issue has raised concerns, I would ask that that you provide an explanation of the evolution of this provision and how it made it into the final conference report,’ Corker wrote in a letter to Senate Finance Committee Chairman Orrin Hatch, R-Utah. ‘I think that because of many sensitivities, clarity on this issue is very important and hope that you will respond in an expeditious manner,’ said Corker, a Tennessee Republican.” http://tnne.ws/2Cz3xgz

THE POLITICS: BETWEEN THIS REAL ESTATE PROVISION and cutting the top rate to 37 percent, some Republicans worry the party is handing Democrats a midterm gift.

THE TAX BILL THAT KEEPS ON GIVING — “GOP Tax Bill Would Set Up Years of Challenges,” by WSJ’s Rich Rubin: “Republicans are on the cusp this week of passing a historic overhaul of the U.S. tax system but might also be ushering in a new period of instability in the tax code, because the plan is advancing without bipartisan support and with expiration dates that guarantee it will be revisited for years. A $1.5 trillion reduction in the overall tax burden over a decade accompanies the most sweeping rewrite of U.S. business and income taxes since the Reagan era, achieving goals long sought by many conservative economists and politicians. But to get the bill through a closely divided Congress, Republicans made many of its pieces time-limited.

“Individual tax cuts and a new 20% deduction for millions of businesses are scheduled to vanish after 2025. A corporate-tax-rate cut and international tax rules are permanent to encourage long-run planning, but other business provisions arrive, then disappear. One-time revenue sources like a $339 billion tax on stockpiled foreign profits pay for long-running tax cuts, making the bill more costly in the future. Key features—including the $2,000 child tax credit and a $10,000 cap on the state and local deduction—aren’t indexed to inflation, eroding their real value over time.” http://on.wsj.com/2Cy0qVX

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NYT’S JONATHAN MARTIN (in Houston) and ALEX BURNS (in Winchester, Kentucky, and Barrington, Illinois): “Rebelling Republican Suburbs Offer Democrats Path to House Control”: “If Democrats are to claim the House majority next year, their path back to power will go through places like the Huntingdon, a 34-floor high-rise in the River Oaks section of Houston that was once home to Enron’s Kenneth L. Lay, has no fewer than five valets on a busy night and sits in the district of Representative John Culberson, a veteran Republican who may be in for the race of his life. …

“From Texas to Illinois, Kansas to Kentucky, there are Republican-held seats filled with college-educated, affluent voters who appear to be abandoning their usually conservative leanings and newly invigorated Democrats, some of them nonwhite, who are eager to use the midterms take out their anger on Mr. Trump. …

“In October, Mayor Ben McAdams of Salt Lake County, a Democrat, announced a bid to oust Representative Mia Love in Utah, a conservative state stocked with educated Mormon voters who view Mr. Trump with disdain. In early December, Mayor Jim Gray of Lexington, Ky., a Democrat, kicked off a campaign against Representative Andy Barr, about 40 percent of whose electorate is in Lexington, home to the University of Kentucky.

“Outside Philadelphia, Scott Wallace, a lawyer and philanthropist whose grandfather was Franklin D. Roosevelt’s vice president, is exploring a challenge to Representative Brian Fitzpatrick in a traditional haven for white-collar Republicans, people who have spoken with Mr. Wallace said. And P. G. Sittenfeld, a Cincinnati City Council member who briefly ran for Senate last year, is being recruited by House Democrats to challenge Representative Steve Chabot in a district that mixes African-Americans and urban and suburban whites.” http://nyti.ms/2yRqZ6p

COMING ATTRACTIONS — NATIONAL SECURITY STRATEGY — DARREN SAMUELSOHN and MICHAEL CROWLEY — “Trump foreign policy plan stresses home front”: “President Donald Trump is set to unveil a national security plan Monday that reflects the most inward-focused vision of American foreign policy in recent memory — with a heavy emphasis on economic strength and defending U.S. borders. At the same time, the official document presents relatively conventional views at odds with Trump’s own positions—including praise for the role of diplomacy and warnings about Russia’s malign intentions.

“The strategy ‘is wildly inconsistent with Trump administration behavior,’ said Kori Schake, a former State Department official now at Stanford University’s conservative Hoover Institution who is familiar with portions of the document. A draft excerpt of the document, formally known as the National Security Strategy, sternly declares that Russia, along with China, ‘challenge[s] American power, influence and interests, attempting to erode American security and prosperity.’

“It also warns against the belief that ‘engagement with rivals’ will turn them into ‘benign actors and trustworthy partners.’ That is likely a veiled repudiation of President Barack Obama’s outreach to Iran, though it also echoes the critique of foreign policy insiders concerned about Trump’s frequent vows to befriend Russian President Vladimir Putin.” http://politi.co/2Bsvl6U

MCCAIN UPDATE: “McCain’s office says he has returned to Arizona,” by Brent D. Griffiths: “The office of Arizona Sen. John McCain said Sunday the Republican senator is returning to Arizona for ‘physical therapy and rehabilitation.’ McCain has been undergoing treatment for brain cancer. Senator McCain has returned to Arizona and will undergo physical therapy and rehabilitation at Mayo Clinic,’ the statement said. ‘He is grateful for the excellent care he continues to receive, and appreciates the outpouring of support from people all over the country. He looks forward to returning to Washington in January.’” http://politi.co/2kdD0yA

WHAT TRUMP IS WOUND UP BY – per WaPo’s Phil Rucker, Josh Dawsey and Sari Horwitz: “Advisers who have spoken recently with Trump about the Russia investigation said the president was sharply critical of Attorney General Jeff Sessions, as well as Deputy Attorney General Rod J. Rosenstein, who oversees the Mueller operation — but did not broach the idea of firing Mueller. ‘I think he realizes that would be a step too far,’ said one adviser … Rather, Trump appeared to be contemplating changes in the Justice Department’s leadership. In recent discussions, two advisers said, Trump has called the attorney general ‘weak,’ and complained that Rosenstein has shown insufficient accountability on the special counsel’s work.

“A senior official said Trump mocked Rosenstein’s recent testimony on Capitol Hill, saying he looked weak and unable to answer questions. Trump has ranted about Rosenstein as ‘a Democrat,’ one of these advisers said, and characterized him as a threat to his presidency. In fact, Rosenstein is a Republican. In 2005, President George W. Bush nominated him to be U.S. attorney in Maryland.” http://wapo.st/2CxKD9B

NYT’S MIKE SCHMIDT: “Image of Cooperation Between White House and Mueller Starts to Fracture”: “For much of the seven months since Robert S. Mueller III was appointed special counsel, President Trump’s lawyers have stressed their cooperation with him, believing that the more they work with his investigation, the sooner the president will have his name cleared.

“But in recent weeks, as the investigation has reached deeper into Mr. Trump’s inner circle, that image of cooperation has begun to fracture. Mr. Trump’s lawyers and supporters have significantly increased their attacks on Mr. Mueller, especially as the F.B.I. has handed them fresh ammunition to claim that the agents investigating the president may be biased. The latest salvos came over the weekend, when a top Republican senator said Mr. Mueller should examine his team’s political leanings, and a lawyer for Mr. Trump sent a letter to lawmakers saying that the special counsel had improperly gotten emails from the presidential transition team.

“‘Not looking good, it’s not looking good — it’s quite sad to see that, my people were very upset about it,’ Mr. Trump said on Sunday when asked about the emails. ‘I can’t imagine there’s anything on them, frankly, because, as we’ve said, there’s no collusion, no collusion whatsoever.’” http://nyti.ms/2yS8xKF

TRUMP ON MUELLER: “No, I’m not,” Trump told reporters on whether he intends to fire Mueller as he returned to the White House from a weekend at Camp David, per pooler Alex Leary of the Tampa Bay Times.

HARASSMENT FILES — “Paranoia grips Capitol Hill as harassment scandal spreads: Lawmakers and aides are consumed by one question: Who’s next?” by Elana Schor and Rachael Bade: “The details change almost daily, but the rumor won’t die: A credible news organization is preparing to unmask at least 20 lawmakers in both parties for sexual misconduct. Speculation about this theoretical megastory is spreading like wildfire across Congress and beyond, a lurking bad-press boogeyman that’s always described as on the verge of going public. And it’s far from the only worry that’s seeped into the collective psyche of Capitol Hill, where members and aides are now perpetually bracing for the next allegation to drop.

“Washington is also gripped by uncertainty over whether the nationwide awakening to workplace misconduct might be manipulated into a political weapon. Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-N.Y.) went to law enforcement after being targeted last week by a forged harassment complaint against him, and Sen. Richard Blumenthal (D-Conn.) last month parried a false accusation of misconduct posted on Twitter.” http://politi.co/2CxWDrX

— “Franken urged to reverse his resignation,” by Isaac Dovere: “At least four senators are urging Al Franken to reconsider resigning, including two who issued statements calling for the resignation two weeks ago and said they now feel remorse over what they feel was a rush to judgment. Sen. Joe Manchin (D-W.Va.), who urged Franken not to step down to begin with — at least not before he went through an Ethics Committee investigation — said the Minnesota senator was railroaded by fellow Democrats.

“‘What they did to Al was atrocious, the Democrats,’ said West Virginia Sen. Joe Manchin in an interview for POLITICO’s Off Message podcast to post on Tuesday. Franken’s unusual timeline — in his departure announcement he said he’d go ‘in the coming weeks,’ without setting a date — has fed the fleeting hopes that there’s still time to reverse course. However, Tina Smith, Minnesota’s Democratic lieutenant governor, was named last week as his appointed successor.

“People familiar with Franken’s plans said he has not changed his mind and intends to formally resign in early January. He praised the selection of Smith and has begun working with her on the transition.” http://politi.co/2jciA8c

POLITICO INVESTIGATION – “The secret backstory of how Obama let Hezbollah off the hook: An ambitious U.S. task force targeting Hezbollah’s billion-dollar criminal enterprise ran headlong into the White House’s desire for a nuclear deal with Iran,” by Josh Meyer: “In its determination to secure a nuclear deal with Iran, the Obama administration derailed an ambitious law enforcement campaign targeting drug trafficking by the Iranian-backed terrorist group Hezbollah, even as it was funneling cocaine into the United States, according to a POLITICO investigation.

“The campaign, dubbed Project Cassandra, was launched in 2008 after the Drug Enforcement Administration amassed evidence that Hezbollah had transformed itself from a Middle East-focused military and political organization into an international crime syndicate that some investigators believed was collecting $1 billion a year from drug and weapons trafficking, money laundering and other criminal activities. … They tracked the river of dirty cash as it was laundered by, among other tactics, buying American used cars and shipping them to Africa. And with the help of some key cooperating witnesses, the agents traced the conspiracy, they believed, to the innermost circle of Hezbollah and its state sponsors in Iran. …

“But as Project Cassandra reached higher into the hierarchy of the conspiracy, Obama administration officials threw an increasingly insurmountable series of roadblocks in its way, according to interviews with dozens of participants … When Project Cassandra leaders sought approval for some significant investigations, prosecutions, arrests and financial sanctions, officials at the Justice and Treasury departments delayed, hindered or rejected their requests.” http://politi.co/2yR68A9

FOGGY BOTTOM WATCH — “A Tillerson Slip Offers a Peek Into Secret Planning on North Korea,” by NYT’s David E. Sanger: “Secretary of State Rex W. Tillerson let slip last week a few tantalizing details about one of the nation’s most secret military contingency plans: how the United States would try to race inside North Korea to seize its nuclear weapons if it ever saw evidence that Kim Jong-un’s government was collapsing. For years, American diplomats have been trying to engage their Chinese counterparts in a discussion of this scenario, hoping to avoid a conflict between arriving American Special Forces — who have been practicing this operation for years — and the Chinese military, which would almost certainly pour over the border in a parallel effort.

“And for years the Chinese have resisted the conversation, according to several former American officials who tried to engage them in joint planning. The Chinese feared that if news of a conversation leaked, Beijing would be seen as conspiring with the United States over plans for an eventual North Korean collapse, eroding any leverage that Beijing still held over Mr. Kim. So it was surprising to Mr. Tillerson’s colleagues in the White House and the Pentagon when, in a talk to the Atlantic Council last week, he revealed that the Trump administration had already provided assurances to China’s leadership that if American forces landed in North Korea to search for and deactivate nuclear weapons, the troops would do their work and then retreat.” http://nyti.ms/2BG3J0N

TRUMP’S MONDAY — The president will give a speech on the administration’s national security strategy this afternoon at the Ronald Reagan Building and International Trade Center. He will also meet with Secretary of State Rex Tillerson.

THE JUICE …

— FIRST IN PLAYBOOK: GREGG NUNZIATA is joining the D.C. office of Manatt, Phelps & Phillips as a partner in the firm’s regulatory and government practice. Nunziata most recently served as Sen. Marco Rubio’s (R-Fla.) primary legal counsel and senior policy advisor on his presidential and Senate reelection campaigns. He also served as chief nominations counsel to the Senate Judiciary Committee playing a senior role in the confirmations of judges like Chief Justice John Roberts, Associate Justice Samuel Alito and Attorney General Michael Mukasey.

CLICKER – Bloomberg has published its annual “Pessimist’s Guide”: “[W]elcome to the latest edition of the Pessimist’s Guide… to 2028. It’s an attempt not just to look at the potential shocks of next year but also to consider how they could shape the coming decade. The scenarios outlined here are not meant as forecasts. Instead, they are provocative ideas intended to make you think about how quickly our world is changing.” https://bloom.bg/2CV1Bjb

PHOTO DU JOUR: President Donald Trump arrives back at the White House after an overnight stay at Camp David on Dec. 17. | Chris Kleponis/Pool/Getty Images

DEPT. OF DISSONANCE – “Washington Bureaucrats Are Chipping Away at Trump’s Agenda: Across the government, career staffers are quietly finding ways to continue old policies, sometimes just by renaming a project,” by Bloomberg’s Christopher Flavelle and Ben Bain: “In report after report following Donald Trump’s election, career staffers at the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration kept saying the same thing: climate change is real, serious and man-made. That’s surprising because Trump has called global warming a hoax. His political appointees at the Commerce Department, which oversees NOAA, have complained to its staff, but stopped short of demanding changes or altering the findings. So the reports, blog posts and public updates kept flowing. The bureaucrats won. …

“Staff at the Securities and Exchange Commission … issued a report contradicting the White House’s position about the negative effects of banking regulations. The State Department’s embassy staff preserved Obama-era programs to boost the economic development of third-world countries — at odds with Trump’s ‘America First’ campaign pledges — not by changing the substance of the programs but merely by relabeling them as a way to create markets for U.S. exports.” https://bloom.bg/2oC8kLT

THE FIRST FAMILY — “Ivanka Trump, Jared Kushner sued over financial disclosures,” by Josh Gerstein: “First daughter and presidential adviser Ivanka Trump and her husband and fellow White House adviser Jared Kushner were hit with a lawsuit Sunday alleging illegal omissions on their public financial disclosure forms. Washington lawyer Jeffrey Lovitky contends that Trump and Kushner failed to identify the assets owned by 30 investment funds the couple had stakes in. The complaint filed in U.S. District Court in Washington also claims the couple should have declared the value of and income they derived from two investment vehicles, but did not. … A White House spokesman and attorneys for the couple did not immediately respond to a request for comment Sunday night.” http://politi.co/2CUUEyQ

— TRACK PALIN, Sarah’s oldest son, was arrested. http://lat.ms/2jcqiPw

FOR YOUR RADAR — “Fallout from allegations of tea party targeting hamper IRS oversight of nonprofits,” by WaPo’s Robert O’Harrow Jr.: “Years of conservative attacks on the Internal Revenue Service have greatly diminished the ability of agency regulators to oversee political activity by charities and other nonprofits, documents and interviews show. … The main part of government tasked with policing those lines, the IRS’s Exempt Organizations division, has seen its budget decline from a peak of $102 million in 2011 to $82 million last year. At the same time, division employees have fallen from 889 to 642. The division now lacks expertise, resources and the will needed to effectively oversee more than 1.2 million charities and tens of thousands of social welfare groups, according to interviews with two dozen nonprofit specialists and current and former IRS officials.” http://wapo.st/2kETa3v

****** A message from Charter Communications: Charter is inspired by innovation and powered by American jobs to continually enhance our customer service, expand the reach of our robust network, and deliver next generation products and services to our 26 million customers nationwide. Learn more about us: http://bit.ly/2ASSN0d ******

ON THE WORLD STAGE – “AP Exclusive: Digital police state shackles Chinese minority,” by Gerry Shih in Korla, China: There are “possibly tens of thousands … of people, rights groups and academics estimate, who have been spirited without trial into secretive detention camps for alleged political crimes that range from having extremist thoughts to merely traveling or studying abroad. The mass disappearances, beginning the past year, are part of a sweeping effort by Chinese authorities to use detentions and data-driven surveillance to impose a digital police state in the region of Xinjiang and over its Uighurs, a 10-million strong, Turkic-speaking Muslim minority that China says has been influenced by Islamic extremism.

“Along with the detention camps, unprecedented levels of police blanket Xinjiang’s streets. Cutting-edge digital surveillance systems track where Uighurs go, what they read, who they talk to and what they say. And under an opaque system that treats practically all Uighurs as potential terror suspects, Uighurs who contact family abroad risk questioning or detention.” http://bit.ly/2oEG6jO

JOSH ROGIN in WaPo – “How China got a U.S. senator to do its political bidding”: “In its effort to cultivate foreign influence, the Chinese Communist Party boldly mixes economic incentives with requests for political favors. Its dealings with Sen. Steve Daines (R-Mont.) this year offer a success story for Beijing. Last month Daines announced a breakthrough in his long-standing effort to win access for Montana’s beef exports to China — a $200 million deal with a leading Chinese retailer.

“Then, on Dec. 5, the regime of Xi Jinping got something at least as valuable from Daines. The senator hosted a delegation of Chinese Communist Party officials who oversee Tibet, at the request of the Chinese Embassy — thereby undercutting a simultaneous visit to Washington by the president of the Tibetan government in exile. … The episode illustrated China’s growing practice of enlisting Western politicians to blunt criticism of the regime — and also its determination to haunt its opponents wherever they travel.” http://wapo.st/2yRz4YD

CHOOSE YOUR NEWS – WSJ: “Prosecutors Treat Opioid Overdoses as Homicides, Snagging Friends, Relatives,” by Joseph Walker: http://on.wsj.com/2zjVpBH … WaPo: “‘We feel like our system was hijacked’: DEA agents say a huge opioid case ended in a whimper,” by Lenny Bernstein and Scott Higham: http://wapo.st/2CxKbrV … “60 Minutes” companion segment http://cbsn.ws/2BF8VSn

SPOTTED: Cokie Roberts enjoying a “cookie Roberts” (named after her) at BreadFurst on Sunday. “It looks like a pecan sandie and label says it’s New Orleans inspired. Her hometown I suppose!” per our tipster.

WEEKEND WEDDING — Brad Stewart, communications director for Rep. Brian Mast (R-Fla.), and Danielle Varallo, communications director for Republican Main Street Partnership, were married on Saturday at the Mayflower Hotel. “They met working for former Illinois Sen. Mark Kirk in 2013. Senate Chaplain Barry C. Black officiated the wedding, and Sen. Kirk along with many Kirk alums were in attendance to celebrate.” Pics http://bit.ly/2kGjNVB … http://bit.ly/2Br2mQX … http://bit.ly/2jakmqr

ENGAGED – WHITE HOUSE REPORTER POWER COUPLE — WSJ’s MIKE BENDER, a Bloomberg alum, proposed over the weekend to WaPo’s ASHLEY PARKER, also an MSNBC contributor and NYT alum. Pic of the newly engaged couple by Sara Murray http://bit.ly/2CVGJZ6

BIRTHDAY OF THE DAY: Robb Watters, managing partner of the Madison Group. Some fun facts about Robb: “I will be getting my advanced rescue diving certification this year. Just sent in my paperwork. I’ve gone diving in stunning places like Sri Lanka, Caymans, Honduras, Marianas Trench in the western Pacific Ocean, and Blue Hole off Belize. I am also a pretty good cook, specializing in Provence style French, Northern Italian and Southern food. My smoked salmon is famous as well. If you follow me on social media, you know I have stepped up my game in the past few years.” Read his Playbook Plus Q&A: http://politi.co/2CW45hq

BIRTHDAYS: Jeanne Cummings, political editor for the WSJ … former U.S. Attorney General Ramsey Clark is 9-0 … Lindsay Conwell, head of industry/nonprofits at Google … Rep. Bill Posey (R-Fla.) is 7-0 … Randi Weingarten, president of American Federation of Teachers, is 6-0 … Frank Coleman, SVP of public affairs at Distilled Spirits Council … Matt Schlapp, principal at Cove Strategies and chairman of the American Conservative Union, is 5-0. He is celebrating in Tokyo at the first-ever J-CPAC … CNN producer Rachel Streitfeld … Dwight Holton is 52 … Julie Donofrio (hat tip: Tammy Haddad) … Jennifer Scoggins Hanks, director at DCI Group … Rich Luchette … Politico’s Andrew Restuccia is 32 … IEA’s Jesse Glicker … Max Mounkhaty … Jon Prior, reporter for the Dallas Business Journal …

… Fred Sainz, director of corporate comms at Apple … Sara Kamla Pasi, daughter of Peter, is 5 … Denise Forte … Google’s Jesse Suskin … Noam Neusner … Micah Lasher … Brendan Kelly … Lee Spieckerman … Sarah Shulman … Deborah E. Cunningham … Kristina Budelis … Spencer Sharp … AP’s Will Lester is 65 … Wes Coulam, executive director of Washington Council Ernst & Young … Anna-Claire Whitehead … Nicole Audet … Tyler Lechtenberg … Adam Phillips … Mary Grace … Sheena Jeffers … movie reviewer Leonard Maltin is 67 … Paul Cooper … McCall Johnson … Jim Whitney … Wendy Strout (h/ts Teresa Vilmain)

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[wanna-b-poet31]

Aziraphale Addresses His Abuse

In case anyone cares, here are some more musings about the significance of Aziraphale’s confrontation of his abuse in Good Omens. This is an extension of a segment in my longer piece: An Angel in Recovery

Needing Closure

After Aziraphale finally admits that Heaven is like an abusive parent, he needs to come to terms with the fact that he’s got >ALOT< of shit to deal with. Not least of which is his internalized self-loathing as evident in the above gif where we can see his association with “soft” as a negative trait.  And we all KNOW Crowley would fight Gabriel for personally helping to instill the belief that he’s a “bad angel” for being kind and compassionate, and loving humanity >and Crowley<.

But, choosing a side is not closure.

What it is, is a support system and a promise to help build up Aziraphale’s confidence. Choosing his side provides safety, and it strengthens his relationship with Crowley, but choosing Crowley alone will not address his underlining trauma. While he now acknowledges that his 6000-year treatment is fucked up (like really fucked up), it is but only one step on his journey towards recovery.

Once Aziraphale chooses Crowley, to be his partner, to stop Armageddon, to defend humanity, he indeed realizes that the line between Heaven’s abuse and the threat of Hell’s is a fucking thin one. Both adversaries team up to actively destroy everything the Ineffable Husbands love, employing gaslighting, physical attacks, or emotional traumatizations to achieve their goals.

In order to have the closure that he desperately needs to properly cope with his trauma, he needs to confront his abusers and reclaim his sense of self, reaffirming his choices to pick the healthy support system that is Crowley.

There are four distinct moments where he gets his closure: With Heaven, With Shadwell, with Gabriel, and finally, with Hell. 

Defying Heaven

I didn’t note this before, but Aziraphale’s first direct act of defiance is to his duties as a leader of Heaven. 

After Aziraphale has picked a side, he is...inconveniently discorporated...and sent into the den of lions that is Heaven. Now, having realized that no one in Heaven has Earth’s best interests at heart, he walks in with his eyes wide open to the abuse and unhealthy nature of Heaven.  Once he is face-to-face with his “duties” as an Angel thrust upon him. And how is he, a principality, an angel of heaven, treated? 

Like dirt.

The Quartermaster >yup weird mustache guy is named “quartermaster”< berates him for losing his body (that up until that point had never been discorporated before) and being a “pathetic excuse for angel”. The verbal abuse is strong in this scene because, as the above gif shows, Aziraphale flinches at his words, visibly becoming uncomfortable with the treatment. And, instead of denying the problem or repressing his feelings, he sees Heaven for the nasty “parent” that it is. 

And then we see Aziraphale finally. fucking. snap.

For the first, but not the last, time we see Aziraphale assert his own desires to heaven. Although in the garden he clearly asserts his desires and kindness by giving Eve and Adam his sword, he lies about where it’s been to both God and Gabriel. He does not lie here. He makes a choice and he does not back down. He deflects blame somewhat, but he admits that the sword is gone, and righteously asserts that his actions were just. 

When the Quartermaster yells abuse at him, then tries to control Aziraphale, promising to overlook his “indiscretion” if he gets in line “now”, Aziraphale fumbles for a second but then comes out in full force. 

He. says. no. 

Not only that, he tells Heaven, on no uncertain terms, that he wants no part in waging war against humanity or Hell. This act of agency defies the hold Heaven has on him, and where, in the past, he would have suffocated on his own repression instead of acknowledging Heaven’s actions as wrong, he won’t be silent any longer. Heaven isn’t used to being told they’re in the wrong, and it lends to their overall power over all angels. But, Aziraphale does it anyway, knowing full well what the consequences are if they retaliate.

But, he’s chosen his side and damn it all if they think he’s not going to see it through until the end. 

Instead of denying there’s a problem with Heaven’s behavior, he demands to be returned to Earth so he can call/contact Crowley and stop the war from starting in the first place. Finally!!! His own wants and needs above the toxic, controlling parent that is Heaven. 

And more than that, he tells Heaven the truth. Up until this point he had repressed his misgivings about Heaven’s actions, lying through his teeth to Heaven about his true feelings towards humanity.  But here, when faced with an ultimatum, he tells the truth and DEMANDS to be sent back to Earth. 

Heaven, it seems, now is not worth the effort. He has a support system he trusts implicitly and without question -- Crowley. The control Heaven used to have on him has been replaced with defiance and anger because of their cruelty to him, to Crowley, and to humanity.  

He has some closure!

Handling Homophobia 

Then there is Shadwell.  

So full disclosure. I haven’t really talked about Shadwell in many of my metas because of all of the abusers in Good Omens, I'm most triggered by his homophobic behaviors. I grew up closeted and queer around people like Shadwell (although they were admittedly less dooms-day focused). I have some family like him and his constant usage of homophobic slurs towards Aziraphale hits close to home.  Sorry if this isn’t as detailed as my other sections, disregarding Shadwell is a form of self-care. 

It is clear with his introduction that Shadwell is dismissive of most people. For example, he elects to call Tracy “Jezebel” and other derogatory terms for her profession, only treating her kindly after she retires. For Aziraphale, he calls him “Southern Pansy”, which is a major slur in the UK for gay men.

With Crowley, Shadwell is less brash. Sure he still fanatical about abusing witches, and wants to milk the situation for as much money as he possibly can, but when he approaches Crowley at the diner, he speaks with a kind of timidness that looks like he’s seeking validation for his actions. I assert this because he’s not scared of Crowley but genuinely sees him as an ally. While it could just be a ploy to get more money out of Crowley, he doesn’t talk back or insult Crowley around him.

However, I firmly believe Crowley would absolutely beat the shit out of Shadwell for his treatment of Aziraphale.

When we look closely at how Shadwell talks to Aziraphale, he is clearly directly manipulative and verbally abusive. He purposefully takes advantage of Aziraphale’s kindness to better line his own pockets by falsely reporting the existence and death of his “soldiers”. Then, out of earshot, he berates Aziraphale for what he presumes his sexual identity is. While Aziraphale is canonically a queer masculine-presenting non-binary entity, Shadwell percieves Aziraphale’s behavior as a net negative (which it absolutely isn’t!!! Fuck Shadwell’s transphobia and homophobia). He uses his prejudice and homophobia to show that he does not view Aziraphale as worth the same respect that Crowley (who somehow Shadwell does not read as genderqueer) is shown.

Shadwell’s abuse is less all-encompassing than Heaven’s, but it’s just as significant because of his dismissive attitude towards Aziraphale devaluing non-normative gender presentations and is generally meant to be hurtful. He is meant to be Aziraphale’s ally, or perhaps his employee. But the homophobic slurs shows malice. Although not as hidden as Heaven, the abusive nature of Shadwell is just as damaging, and the insult is intended to belittle and demean Aziraphale.

This all comes to a head after finding Madame Tracy is angelically possessed by Aziraphale, Shadwell verbally attacks Aziraphale with the slur again. And Aziraphale, who just faced Heaven and walked backward into Hell, is not having any of the homophobic behaviors. 

This whole interaction is a relatively “small” moment compared to his defiance of Heaven, but it shows he’s one step closer to confronting the bigger, more direct, abusers in his life. Defying Heaven was monumental but vague, it’s one thing to defy an organization, or even defy expectations, but to defy individuals is harder, more personal, and confronting the struggle helps give Aziraphale closure against homophobia.  

The One Where Gabriel’s a Dick

The next confrontation is with Gabriel, the primary abuser for 6000 years. While all of Heaven is abusive, Gabriel specifically singles out Aziraphale, belittles his interests (even when Gabriel himself indulges in some less than angelic behaviors like wrath and indulging in nice, expensive human clothing). He is a vehicle for many of the specific actions that traumatize Aziraphale.  

Although I don’t doubt Aziraphale could cut Gabriel with his flaming sword, the most powerful weapon in his arsenal is his words. He defends Adam’s choice to not destroy the world and confronts Gabriel’s use of the “great plan” vs. the ineffable one. Aziraphale knows that poking at Heaven’s excuse for destroying humanity won’t hold up. Adam’s right, there is no rationale for waging war except “to see whose gang’s the best”. Speaking up like that, against a director of war, is ballsy, but Aziraphale does not care. He needs to confront the horrendous way Gabriel/Heaven has treated him, humanity, and Crowley.

And who supports him through this cathartic moment? 

Crowley. 

With a single glance, Crowley interjects and comes through, supporting Aziraphale’s (extremely clever) plan to protect Adam and the world. Based on Gabriel and Beelzebub’s confused reactions Crowley realizes Heaven and Hell don’t actually know what they’re doing.  Aziraphale has them dead to right with his cleverness and devotion to humanity. Stepping closer to Aziraphale, protectively behind Adam, he pushes until Heaven and Hell are forced to admit defeat.

It’s a beautiful confrontation. A perfect FUCKKKKKKK YOU to the embodiment of his abuse, with his support system helping give him the confidence he needs to push past his insecurities and execute his plan. 

Facing His Fears: Hell or Highwater 

The last distinct moment is the switch. 

While Hell specifically hasn’t actually targetted Aziraphale, they have done something worse. Attacked his support system. So, Aziraphale returns in kind, confronting his partner’s abusers head on. And look at the absolute GLEE he takes in showing off how indestructible to Holy Water his partner is. He’s making a performance of daring all of Hell to come after them, terrorizing them like they terrorized Crowley and him.

It’s also him coming to terms with the fact that yes, it’s him and Crowley against the (divine) World. The switch is so significant for so many reasons, but the primary one is that it allows Aziraphale the ability to face his biggest fear -- Hell -- and not flinch. 

The Threat of falling (like from Uriel/Michael/Sandalphon) and going to Hell terrifies our loveable bastard angel. He knew that he was disposable to Heaven, but he’s indisposable to Crowley. This confrontation allows him to come to terms with the unhealthy power dynamic of Heaven and begin the rest of his life with Crowley as equals. 

Once he returns home, to Crowley, he’s not fully recovered (recovery is a process, not a finish line) but he’s faced all of his abusers.  

He has closure. 

TLDR: Aziraphale is on the road to recovery with Crowley. #lovewins

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk