#and while I do think he’d be more mindful and openly supportive of his sons after Heavensward

[hazelkjt]

Heya, ask game attendee here! (This is Johnny, btw!)

For Hazel and Emmanelain, I'd like to ask: What are their relationships with each others' families like?

For Hazel and Zero: When did they first say "I love you"? What was the situation?

Hi Johnny!!!

Answers will be below the read more, since they got kinda long…like REALLY long

Ship Questions (Still Open!!) ----------

Hazel had a...rocky beginning with the other members of the Fortemps family, Honoroit being the exception in Emmanellain's life as he was the first one to notice and push the two of them to admit their feelings for one another. Hazel especially had a rough start with Edmont de Fortemps, specifically. Similar to Emm, she grew up with a strict father with exacting expectations for her. First impressions of the man, drawn from stories Emmanellain would tell her (usually venting and complaining about something or other) did not paint the best picture. So when meeting the Count for the first time, Hazel was on guard and ready to jump to Emm's defense at any point.

It wasn't Edmont having high expectations for his sons that bothered Hazel, it was his attitude when Emmanellain failed that she took issue with. Baato, her own father, for sure became frustrated with her when she didn't meet his standards for her, but afterwards he made sure to guide her back to the path she needed to walk. It was tough love yes, but at its core it was fair. In contrast, Emmanellain was simply told to "be better" with little to no further guidance on how to properly be better. "Be more like your brothers" was what he was told many times. as if it was as simple as flipping a switch. Not to mention the story of Edmont striking Emmanellain as punishment made her blood boil, even if his mistake in that moment was severe. She was no stranger to receiving bruises or the uncommon cut from her father in training, but never as a form of punishment.

It was clear after meeting him though that Edmont was a changed man from the stories Emmanellain told, the ones from before the end of the Dragonsong War. Over the course of getting to know him more and more Hazel has since come around to the Fortemps family Count, even if she still harbors a small grudge against him for his previous treatments of Emmanellain. In a similar vein, Edmont didn't particularly seem to care much about Hazel before meeting her. As the second born and not the heir to the family as long as his partner did not harm the reputation of the Fortemps then it didn't matter to Edmont all that much who Emmanellain chose to love. Over time though he became grateful for her presence and the affect she had on Emm's growth as a person and a knight. Now he can say he is proud of who Emmanellain has chosen, and he truly means it.

Her relationship with Artoirel, on the other hand, was a much more smooth start. There was an initial hiccup when Artoirel began criticizing Emmanellain for "naively calling the first maiden who did not seem disgusted to hold a conversation with you your romantic partner" but Hazel quickly and loudly shut that misconception down. On the surface Artoirel didn't seem to mind much after that, until he pulled Hazel aside for a private conversation. There he practically threatened the woman that if she toyed with his brother's heart or hurt him in any way, that he would hunt her down no matter how long it took and exact just punishment. The threat didn't seem to have the desired effect as Hazel from then on had a strange sense of respect for Artoirel, knowing how deeply he does care for his family even if it doesn't always make it to the surface of his character. Likewise Artoirel has mutual respect for Hazel due to her impact on Emmanellain, happy to finally see his brother spread his wings and grow.

----------

Up until their trip to the Azim Steppe, all Hazel’s parents knew of Emmanellain were from the letters Hazel would write to them. So upon meeting him for the first time they were…underwhelmed. Still, Janis came around to the young man rather quickly. Emmanellain likewise only knew the two from stories Hazel would tell of her time back home, and thankfully Janis felt almost exactly as how Hazel described her.

Being in her presence was calming, almost to the point of being unnerved by the stillness and quiet. A silent sense of judgement followed every glance towards Emmanellain. Nevertheless Emm gave his utmost to present and carry himself as any self respecting member of a noble house should, not once making any comment about the disparity between living conditions of his family’s Ishgard estate and the Steppe yurt he found himself in for over a week.

By about halfway into the trip, Janis admits to Hazel that while she had some doubts at first she sees how happy Emmanellain makes her. He brings out the same smile from her daughter that Janis would often see during their late night novel readings from when Hazel was growing up. She remarks a comment Hazel made as a child about finding her own princess like in her favorite book, joking around if Hazel would settle for a prince instead.

Emmanellain knew Hazel's parents would be intense, but nothing truly prepared him for just how intense her father would be. He thought he was prepared: A respected and strong hunter of a nomadic warrior people and Emm was the one taking his only child, his only daughter's hand. You could've cut the tension upon his first meeting with Baato with a knife. As quickly as the first handshake Emmanellain knew exactly how this was gonna go, once he felt the bones in his hand crack from the Auri man's death grip.

Much of Emmanellain’s time spent in the Steppe on this trip was spent either sparring or hunting with Baato. Emm never came close to beating Hazel’s father in a fight the entire trip, which Emm himself would be the first to admit he saw coming. He also never caught anything on his hunting excursions with Baato, also to be expected according to the Elezen. During the entire trip Emmanellain could not for the life of him get a read on what Hazel’s father was thinking, let alone what he thought of him…until he told him on the last day of their trip to the Azim Steppe.

Baato told Emmanellain that he was very unhappy with the warrior his daughter chose. He said Emmanellain was sloppy in technique and skill, physically weak and lacking in fortitude. Nothing Emmanellain had never heard before, but to hear it so bluntly was somewhat of a new experience for him. But, Baato continued, in terms of the person Hazel had chosen he could accept. Emmanellain was determined to prove himself, never backed down from any of Baato’s challenges, and most of all he saw how Hazel’s eyes shone like the sun itself when she lays eyes on Emmanellain. And her happiness trumps his disapproval of Emm’s capabilities as a fighter.

----------

The first one to admit their feelings was Zero, as detailed here. But the first one to say the actual words "I love you" was in fact Hazel herself. It wasn’t long after the previously linked scenario, in fact. The two finished their meals in relative silence, stealing glances back and forth of one another.

Eventually it came that they could no longer hide behind their empty bowls, leaving the restaurant and moving back into the streets of Radz-at-Han. The two of them wandered almost aimlessly around the city, the quiet between them broken up intermittently by the odd question here and there.

They threw inquiries back and forth to one another, such as “how long have you known?” and “why wait until now to say anything?” and more. Hazel’s heart was racing a malm a minute, and color had steadily found its place on the pale Voidsent’s face by this point. Eventually the two come to a stop at Zero’s favorite place in the city: the airship landing dock.

The best view to see the stars at night, and tonight there was nary a cloud in sight to block the majesty of the shining dots above. It hurt Hazel to ask, but she had to go forward with one more question to Zero. “Are you…sure that what you’re feeling is love?” It was a dagger to her own heart to ask that question, but Hazel felt she had to ask it. For her own sake, to not truly get her hopes up just yet.

Zero takes a moment to respond. “It’s something I know I do not feel for any other individual in my life currently. It’s not dissimilar to that of friendship…but there’s something more to it.” The Voidsent takes a step forward. “A hunger, but not of aether. A hunger, a desire… simply to be close to you.” She moves her hand to her brow.

The Voidsent was once more attempting to use her hat as a shield, not remembering she was not wearing it that evening. She quickly adjusts and moves to brush her hair behind her ear. “If this is not love, then I know not what it could be.” She raises her eyes to meet Hazel’s, a small smile forming on her face.

Hazel quickly reaches out, grabbing Zero by the shoulder and just under her chin. The Voidsent’s eyes shoot open over the sudden movement and takes hold of Hazel’s arm. Their gazes meet, Zero just now seeing the Auri woman’s eyes begin to water over. Hazel’s lip begins to tremble as she breaks out into a deep smile. “I love you, Zero…I love you.” She admits, the pain in her chest subsiding as she lets go of the breath she was holding in.

“…I love you as well, Hazel.” Zero quietly responds, unconsciously pulling away from Hazel’s hands. Unfortunately it’s not quick enough as Hazel tries to pull the Voidsent in for a kiss. Zero feels her pulse quicken, fight or flight kicking in as she pushes Hazel away from her, the Au Ra stumbling into some boxes. The Voidsent takes a moment to steady her breath. “I…I’m sorry. I just…I simply-”

“No, it’s fine…I was moving too fast. I’m the one that should be apologizing.” Hazel cuts her off, sadness evident in her tone but a sheepish smile on her face. “Let’s just head back for the night, alright?” Hazel asks, but begins walking back towards the city without waiting for an answer. Zero looks on as guilt begins to form in her chest, but the Warrior of Light refused to meet her gaze.

[deewithani]

Raindrops in the Wind - Chapter 1

Chapter Rating: G

Work Rating: Explicit (18+)

Pairing: Jango Fett x F!Reader

Word count: Approx. 2k

Warnings: None. Jango being sneaky?

A/N: Not Canon or Legends friendly. AU from the very beginning. Bits and pieces from here and there, molded to fit my grand vision, muahahaha *coughs*. Anyway... Chapters will list their individual ratings, work is rated Explicit (18+) for eventual explicit content.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4

'What have I done?'

The words rang hollow in his ear as he fought with the Jedi that had shown up at his door. He hated the man, truly. He hated that he showed up on Kamino. He hated that he started to ask questions. He hated that he was a Jedi.

He hated Jedi.

It was not supposed to be like this. He was supposed to provide his DNA to the long-necks whenever they needed it and help train their creation. In return he got an unaltered clone. A son. A safe place to raise him. Enough credits to live very comfortably for the rest of his days. And the knowledge that an army was being raised that would destroy the Jedi.

'I should have left well enough alone. I shouldn't have taken that bounty.'

----------------

It was a good deal, he thought to himself, the offer that this 'Lord Tyranus' placed before him. He would be stupid to pass it up, and Jango Fett was anything but stupid. It would give him what he always wanted, a son, to carry on his lineage, and a hefty purse full of credits, no questions asked. No, he was not stupid. He knew very well who this 'Lord Tyranus' was that stood before him. It was the very same Jedi that helped bring the defeat of the True Mandalorians, Count Dooku. All Jango truly wanted from the exchange was an unaltered clone that he could raise as a son, and Tyranus quickly agreed.

At the time, Jango didn't know that he and Dooku shared the same end game, the destruction of the Jedi order. All Jango knew was that Dooku was no longer friendly with the order, having abandoned them, publicly declaring their corruption before the galaxy. He figured he could sus out the real reason behind Dooku's job easily enought once he was on Kamino and around others he could manipulate into revealing the truth.

In all honesty, it wasn't very hard at all to figure out much of what was going on. The Kaminoans were ecstatic about the new contract they had scored to provide the Galactic Republic with millions of perfect soldiers. They poked and proded at Jango daily for his DNA and openly discussed his own physical shortcomings like they were no matter at all, as if they were simply ink marks on a piece of flimsi, mistakes that could be erased and fixed with no bearing on the final product. They were open with this being a request from the Jedi Master Sifo-Dyas, which made no sense to Jango, as he had been hired by 'Tyranus', who most certaily wasn't Syfo-Dyas – whoever they were. He thought maybe this Jedi was also fed up with the Order, and was looking to make a strike back, but solid information on this Jedi was slim..

In any case, very little of the entire job was making sense to Jango. Why was a former Jedi Master, whether it was Dooku or Sifo-Dyas didn't matter at this point, paying for the creation of a clone army for the very Order and Republic that they abhored?

Jango continued on, day after day, providing DNA to the Kaminoans, gathering trusted allies to begin the training of the clones that were still growing in their tubes, and listening and obtaining information from any corner of Tipoca City he could. He set the Cuy'val Dar to the tasks of creating a sound, well-rounded training regiment, and on an information gathering mission, telling them to “Listen to everything anyone says. Every single word. Kaminoans, humans, anyone else. I don't care if they're talking about the next shipment of Jogan fruit. I want to know every word. Bring it to me.”

Jango spent hours every day, pouring over intelligence reports, but most of what was gathered was mundane. Lama Su had tea alone this afternoon, did you hear that we're supposed to have a break in the rain next week, the butcher is overcharging for nerf again. The every day gossip and gripes of a bored populace stuck on a perpetually wet and miserable planet. But Jango was nothing if not patient. The cloners told him that he should expect to be working with them for decades, so he decided to settle in and be patient. What he wanted to know would come to him. He would hear it directly from one of the longnecks themselves, or one of the Cuy'val Dar would hear it in passing and report it to him. He would know the true reason he was there. He would know the reason for the creation of the clones.

An unreal amount of credits has been pumped into this project, more than he thought was necessary, to be honest. Jango's bank account is overflowing with credits, and he hadn't had to touch a single one. He'd been provided with his own apartment, furnished with everything he requested. His Cuy'val Dar were paid directly by the client, the same as he was, and were paid a hefty premium too. Whispered word through the cloners was that this project was revitalizing their entire industry, allowing them the financial means to work on the perfection of not just his genetic material, but the genetics of hundreds of other species, not all of them sentient. Factories were starting up for the creation of armor and weaponry, the potable food industry was pushing out rations as quickly as they could be rolled down the assembly line, and tech companies were building holopads and coms as fast as they could get the chips and circuitry to do so. And it was all possible by the injection of credits from 'Lord Tyranus'.

He knew, also, that the Kaminoans were planning on “double-dipping” the Republic when the time came, and was nearly certain all the other industries that had already been paid hefty retainer fees would do the same. There was no shame in getting your due, but it was more of the pervasive corruption that Dooku saw that was eating away at the Galactic Republic, everyone had their hands out, pressing for more and more credits from any party they could. He heard the longnecks complaining that the Armorers had already been paid to purchase enough plastoid to manufacture 250,000 full sets of armor and had already received at least half of their full payment for the total manufacturing cost itself, but they had already began sending invoices to Kamino for the purchase of the armor at standard price, as if they were coming out of their own pocket on the project. Whether or not any of it was true was anyone's guess, but the single bit of information he heard from all corners was that the Kaminoans were not going to lose a single credit from this project, no matter who they had to charge for services. He could hardly blame them, their only true industry was cloning, and a project of this magnitude was going to take nearly their entire industry to support it. If anything went wrong, if anyone double charged them and they covered it with just a promise of later pay that never came through it could ruin their entire economy. So the decision was made to pass on the cost of everything to the Republic, in full for each batch ordered, because even with a hefty bankroll the bank could run dry very quickly. If everything went according to plan their cash flow would be enormous, but they were experts in searching out and fixing “problems” and they were not so naive to believe everything would go according to plan.

And so it went. Years passed, clones were trained, bounties were picked up, and Jango's unaltered clone, his son, began to grow into a fine young man - smart, capable, and hopefully well prepared for anything life would throw at him. Jango knew the galaxy was a rough place, and he was determined to make sure Boba had the tools he needed to survive – and survive easily. During his free time he trained him, harder than he trained the clones who would go off to war, running through close combat scenarios, teaching infiltration and stealth tactics, weapons proficiency, common language tutoring, sharpshooting, general maintenance on anything from blasters to air cooling units. Anything that he believed would give Boba a leg up on the competition – and anything to help him stay alive. He would take Boba with him on hunts too, giving him hands-on experience that he just wouldn't get sparring and running through drills.

The most important lesson Jango would gift to Boba was to trust no one but himself and his family, and to always keep his ears and eyes open for anything “strange”. Strange, of course, could have multiple meanings, but Jango trusted that Boba understood the complexities of all the things “strange” could include. Knowledge and information are as good as credits in hand, and in many cases could be much more valuable than beskar itself, buying the owner of said information freedom and power, if it was valuable enough, of course. And on one rather normal day, as normal as it goes on Kamino, anyway, Boba brought Jango some very valuable information.

While Jango tolerated the Kaminoans, as it was unfortunately necessary, Boba didn't really mind them one way or the other, having grown up around them for the entirety of his young life. So when it came time for Boba's yearly checkup during his 9th year, he didn't think twice to let the boy go on his own. The Kaminoans had always accepted his request for non-Kaminoan involvement in his son's healthcare, so they always ensured he was seen by a medical droid. He didn't suspect this year would be different. In any case, Boba knew to deflect any questions and leave if his request wasn't honored. Dislike them though he did, the longnecks never went back on their promises to him. This would make a good, safe, learning experience for Boba, and Jango instructed him to bring back as much as he could remember about everything, to train him in situational awareness and help him learn how to observe without being observed.

Later that day, after he had seen and cleared, Boba was eager to tell Jango about his checkup. He returned to their apartment, his adolescent energy barely contained, itching to run through the door and let his new secret loose, because something strange did happen at this appointment. He was prepared to give his report to Jango, and he was sure his dad would be proud of what he had learned.

“Dad!”, Boba called out, “I need to tell you about my checkup! It's important!” From his seat in the living area Jango raised an eyebrow, watching Boba try and fail to keep from bouncing on the balls of his feet. “C'mere, son, tell me about your checkup.” Boba walked forward, head held high and mischievous glint in his eyes. ”You told me to watch for anything strange. Something strange happened! There was a woman there today. A human woman! Told me she was training!”

“Good job, Boba. Go on then, clean up for dinner. You can tell me everything else then.” Jango watched as Boba's grin grew even wider, before he turned and ran to the 'fresher.

'Well, that is strange', Jango mused to himself, as he began to formulate his plan. It was time to see if he could gain some real information from this new player. Jango was nothing if not patient, and this may be the time for his patience to start paying off.

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Taglist: @latenightsthoughtsnstuff @return-of-the-simp

If anyone wants added to my taglist, let me know ☺️

[mageofseven]

What about the brothers reaction to MC wanting a baby? Like, how they would respond to it, feel about it, deal with all the intricacies that comes with a planned pregnancy and think when they see their children for the first time?

Okay, so I've obviously written about the Brothers becoming parents before, but it was always more of an accident.

Planned pregnancy though? Coming right up!

Oh! And I kept the pronouns gender neutral for this, but since it involves pregnancy, MC is afab, I guess the term is? Not fully sure.

Also, unlike my main series for this, there are no complications for these pregnancies so the brothers don't have to worry about MC as much.

~

Lucifer:

Honestly...the anxiety this man feels is hard for even him to hide.

He loves MC; his Heart is everything to him and the only one that he's ever felt he could lean on emotionally. They are there for him when he'd usually have no one and because of that, he doesn't want to deny them anything as long as he can help it.

However...parenthood is a daunting thing to him. He is already a father, regardless of whether he or Satan acknowledges it, and with the direction his relationship with his son has gone, he honestly feels like a failure as a father

So to have another child to risk hurting in the same way he has with Satan? The man doesn't feel okay with the risk.

It takes a lot of comfort from MC to get him to agree to it

And from then on, he prepares.

To start with, he takes some time off of work and RAD for them both.

It's not just for the baby-making activity, though of course they do plenty of that while his brothers are at school.

It's also time for the two of them to just be together and enjoy themselves. He takes them out for lunch, watches any movie they wish, cuddles with them on the couch or bed, even dances with MC in the music room to one of his safer records.

This free time is not just to start the path of parenthood for them; it's a romantic time to enjoy themselves and express their love for each other more openly and freely without worry of his brothers interupting or Luce needing to get back to work.

When they offically discover that MC was pregnant, the anxiety crept back up in him, but his Love's excitement and smiles were enough to push it back.

Despite always having a heavy work load, the oldest made it a priority to have the nursery done very early on and stocking up certain things like diapers, clothes, and toys.

His anxiety pushed him to make sure everything was perfect, but MC had to pull him aside a few times because Luce, they are only three months along, chill dude, you have time.

With time and more reassurance from MC, his anxiety really did fall, though didn't completely disappear and hovered over her as much as his work allowed.

When MC went into labor, he had everything under control. He called the doctor and kept calm as he watched over his Love.

When he held his daughter for the first time...it was as if everything shifted inside of him. He was less worried about failing her and more concerned with making sure he doesn't.

He vowed to make sure Ksenia always feels safe, valued, and loved.

Mammon:

Um...have you seen his bank account, MC?

Y'all are nowhere ready for children, financially speaking.

In truth, Mammon does want kids; he's a very family oriented demon, even if his family doesn't see him that way.

But damn, he really has to get his shit together in order to be a good dad.

After hearing this Human beg for it though, how could the second brother say no?

Before they actually start the whole baby-making process though, the man has a debt to deal with now that he can no longer justify staving it off.

He managed to pay off a huge chunk of it by stealing from the demon lord's castle but after getting punished by Lucifer and facing a disappointed MC, he decided to pay off the rest and start saving up in a more honest way.

Honestly, it wasn't his preferred way of making his Grimm, but MC went on and on about morals and what they'd be teaching their child if they found out their dad was selling other people's shit so they could have him or her, and a lot of other guilt-tripping that the Avatar of Greed gave into. Man, they haven't even made the freaking kid yet and he already has to get his act together...

Debt gone and a decent start to his savings later, the fun part actually begins--making the kid! The demon couldn't help but gloat to his brothers about much he was getting laid, which was embarrassing to MC but hey, it's cute seeing the human's cheeks all red so no drawbacks for the Greed demon.

Once discovering MC is pregnant...well, Mammon is one of the brothers who hovers over his human, though he denies it the whole pregnancy.

When his Human went into labor, it was the kind of thing where the man pretended to be calm, but was obviously freaking out and eventually he fainted.

He woke up though and just in time for his Human to push out their daughter.

Cassia...just one look at his little girl and he knew that all of his hard work before and the self-improvement he's been trying to do...he knew it was all worth it.

Leviathan:

Boy choked on his chips when MC asked him for a baby.

Like what did he just hear???

His Henry wants a baby--with him of all people??

Yeah, I mean, he is their boyfriend, but still, the Avatar of Envy felt like this must be bad judgement on the human's part.

I mean, he's a dirty otaku. The demon doesn't even understand why they'd date him, but wanting a kid with him?

There's also the fact that...well, what it means to be an otaku. Having a kid doesn't exactly fit in with his shut-in lifestyle.

Basically, it left him feeling as if he doesn't deserve to have a kid with his Henry and that he wouldn't be good as a dad anyway; being a shut-in otaku is all he knows at this point and since being dad kinda requires you to, ya know, not be that and putting your kid first, he really has no faith in himself.

But MC did and honestly, that meant a lot to the Envy demon.

Things weren't decided in that moment. Knowing that their boyfriend was overwhelmed, the human simply asked him to give it some thought and told him that they'll love him regardless.

The man let it sit with him for a couple weeks and everytime he saw a kid in an anime or saw a commercial for some kind of toy, the otaku wondered 'what if'. What would it really be like to be a dad?

It was anime that finally made him cave. Seeing families and parents interacting with their children in them, it really did tempt the man. He recognized that it was fiction and being a parent wouldn't be exactly like that, but still; it made him wanna try.

Seeing MC's face light up when he told them he'd do it honestly made the man feel good about himself.

When MC becomes pregnant, he doesn't necessarily hover; he doesn't feel the need to always be around them or limit what they can do. He's simply more touchy-feely, surprisingly enough. Not in any inappropriate way; just more hugs, hand holding, cuddles. He just insists on more closeness than before, which MC has no complaints about.

When MC went into labor, he was a bit panicky, but pulled through. Unlike Mammon, he never fainted and was able to give support to his Henry through the process.

Holding his son just felt...surreal. Like, how the hell did this happen??? I mean yeah, he knows how, but still, it's just unbelievable. He has a son. He's a dad.

Levi honestly never thought his life would be brought to this point, but looking down at Kai, he was glad it was. In that moment, he was anxiously optimistic about their future.

Satan:

....

Yeah, MC, sweetheart, this man doesn't particularly like kids...

It's not necessarily a hard 'no' though.

After all, Satan doesn't like saying no to his sweet Kitten if he can help it.

The two spend a while discussing it, going over all the prep work they'd need to do, the finances of the situation (like, both in regards to their own finances and literally showing them statistics of how much Grimm demon parents have to spend on average for their children from birth to adulthood), and about how their life will change if they take this step. About the sacrifices they'll have to make and the new responsibilities. After all, the couple won't be able to just focus on each other anymore; their routines will have to change, their be energy put towards caring for the child. Their whole lives will have to revolve around them.

The human accepted all of it though and was ready for the change.

So the blonde agreed, despite his own feelings on the matter, feelings he never thought to speak up about before and after hearing MC's request, doesn't want to.

The couple didn't really set time aside with baby-making in mind and try to rush things. They simply slept with each whenever they just happened to be in the mood for it, like always, but stopped using the runes on they commonly put on MC for birth control.

Essentially, they just went through their days as normal and just let things happen at their own pace.

When MC became pregnant, the Wrath demon had to admit, their excitment was contagious. Seeing them happy...it really felt good to the blonde, despite his own feelings on it all.

Satan wasn't the type to hover, not really. He looked after them, giving little reminders of what they can and cannot eat in this condition as well as when they needed to take certain vitamins, but otherwise, things continued on as usual between the two.

Though his feelings about becoming a parent never completely changed during the pregnancy, seeing his Kitten's belly grow and them look forward to this child more and more as time went on, it did give him the feeling that he made the right choice

And when he felt his child kick inside MC for the first time, the realness of it all really put a crack in his mentality.

Their baby...this was a being who sparked such joy in his Kitten and that was enough for the Avatar of Wrath to start to love his child, though he didn't recognize that fact at the time.

When MC went into labor, he kept them calm and comfortable. Walked with them when they wanted to walk, which he read was good for helping labor along, and gave encouragement whenever his Kitten needed it.

When his daughter was born and he watched his Kitten hold her close, crying happy tears, the man couldn't even describe what he was feeling within himself.

When MC asked if he wanted to hold their daughter, Satan declined. Not out of rejection for Amelie but...was it really safe for him to hold a being so delicate?

"Satan..."

With his Kitten insisting with such a cute, sad face though, how could he not?

Extra carefully, he took his daughter into his arms, causing the small baby to whine and reach up her little hands at him.

This. This was the moment that he realized that despite his original bias that he really did love his daughter.

Amelie was a gift that he never knew he wanted; knew he needed. Thanks to MC though, she's here and with two parents that her more than anything in the three realms.

Asmodeus:

Asmo is a brother that I can honestly see things happening either way: with MC bringing up the idea to him or Azzy bringing the idea up to them.

Asmo loves babies--at least, I see him as someone whose mostly good with them and likes the idea of them. He can't handle things like diaper changes or anything gross like that, but he finds them adorable.

And what would be even cuter than a baby? His baby. I mean, how can you carry genetics from this man and not be gorgeous?

Luckily, MC agrees. The two don't stop to talk about anything practical with the subject. They want a baby so Azzy has the two of them start making them right then and there (well, after Lucifer scolds Asmo for trying to do so on the living room couch and the couple retreats to his room).

The first of the brothers to be genuinely excited when MC ends up pregnant and not be overshadowed by anxiety.

Very touchy-feely during his Dolly's pregnancy, more than usual. Especially once MC starts to develop their cute little belly.

Lots of kisses and talking to their belly, even long before the baby has developed enough to hear him.

This man just has too much love for his child and can't contain it all till they're born.

When MC goes into labor, he's not too anxious, but he feels bad that his Dolly has to through such pain.

Very good at comforting the human during this time. Gives lots of kisses and encouraging words, telling them how well they're doing and how their baby just can't wait to meet them.

Cries when he first holds his son. Sees Liam as the most perfect and sweet being to exist, only tied with himself and MC.

Beelzebub:

Let's face it; Beel was the one who brought the topic up. This family man got baby fever and immediately ran to Muffin for help with it.

Like, I can literally see him rushing into the kitchen while they're on cooking duty and MC smiling and asking if he'd like to taste test, only for him to blurt out that he wants a baby, as if it was something as simple a cookie or a new shirt.

After MC gets over the shock of such a request, they sit down with Beel and actually discuss such a big step.

Regardless of whether MC had thought about it before this moment, how could they say no to this big sweet man who has an endless amount of love to give?

After agreeing, MC has to coax the man away because he gets a little too excited and wants to start right then, but the human still has to finish dinner.

After dinner though! Baby making time!

Becomes insanely happy when his Muffin ends up pregnant. This man literally couldn't stop smiling his cute freaking smile even if he wanted to.

Doesn't really hover over them while they're pregnant; there's honestly little to no anxiety in this man over his child or worry about the pregnancy.

He does, however, do practically everything for them. Let him carry that bag. It's fine. They don't need to be carrying something so heavy. Tired? It's okay, go rest; he'll cook dinner instead. Feet hurt? He'll carry them home so they don't need to walk anymore.

Just a reminder that this is all done out of love though and not anxiety. He's not worried about anything going wrong; he just loves his Muffin so much and is so grateful that they're willing to have his baby.

Finding out that MC was carrying twins just made him even happier. MC had no chance of breaking free of his bear hug (which of course, he was very careful not to squeeze their belly so it was more a side hug).

Spent a lot of time during the pregnancy snuggling up to MC's belly. Anytime the two of them laid down together, he did it. Whether on the couch as they watched a movie together, or in bed together at the end of their day or as he laid with the human as they took a nap. He'd nuzzle their belly and speak soft, sweet words to their babies.

The only time this man shows any negativity about this pregnancy is when his Muffin goes into labor. As it progressed, part of him felt guilty since they were in this pain because of him. He loved their twins and wanted them to be born, but hated that MC had to cry and scream and writhe in pain to make it happen.

When it was finally over and his girls were in the world, being fed by his Muffin, this man couldn't stop watching them. His daughters. Daughters. Devil, they were so perfect to him.

And that was the day where he felt his life could never get any better. His Muffin had just perfected his life with their loving heart and hardwork and the man honestly couldn't be happier. Arsenia and Anais are exactly what he's been missing in his life and his love for them is immeasurable.

Belphegor:

MC...sweetie...this man doesn't like kids at all 😔

After having to deal with Satan as a kid, he has long decided that he doesn't wanna deal with them anymore.

So when MC brings it up to him and asks their boyfriend for a baby, he honestly will not be able to understand why they'd want one.

Yeah, Belphie loves MC, but this would still be a very hard 'no' from him.

Honestly, the only way MC would be able to get a baby from him would be by reminding him of the Incident™️, of him murdering them, and essentially being like 'a life for a life'.

Belphie holds a lot of guilt within him for killing them and whether he realizes it or not, a part of him has been desperately searching for a way to atone so he doesn't have to feel bad about it anymore.

So if this is the way to do it... he guesses that he has no choice.

It's honestly sad. MC really wants him to want a baby too, but can only hope his feelings will change down the line.

When MC becomes pregnant, he understands even less about why they'd want this. Each day, he hears his human in the bathroom, dealing with their morning sickness, and wonders why they want a baby so bad even when they're making them puke their guts out every morning.

Still, he takes care of them. Belphie is a lot of things, but an asshole isn't one of them. He wasn't just gonna knock them up and let MC suffer through it alone. Even if they wanted this, it doesn't change the fact that they're still his Human and that little gremlin making them puke was his kid so he's gotta take care of them.

Doesn't sleep as much as he used to while MC is pregnant. Tries his hardest to stay awake and help them out when needed.

Mostly only naps when they nap and as MC gets farther along, they need plenty of naps.

Finding out MC was pregnant with twins...devil, the man felt like he had the worst luck. He groaned and with it, he hurt his Human's feelings on accident.

He wasn't trying to ruin this for them. He wanted MC to be happy, really he did; all he could think about when he heard the news was how much extra work it was gonna be though. I mean, one baby already demands a lot of time and energy to take care of, but two? Ugh...

Kinda hovered over them during the pregnancy. He just wanted to make them as comfortable as he could, despite the fact that he still for the life of him couldn't understand why they'd choose this for themself. Puking, back pain, exhaustion, weird ass cravings. How was this worth it to the human?

He wanted to understand, but he couldn't and since he couldn't, all he could do was accept it and try to lighten it all for them, if he can.

When his kids kicked for the first time, MC's eyes lit up before they quickly stopped and grabbed their boyfriend's hand.

"Belphie! They kicked! They--" He watched the light drain from their eyes as they deflated. "Oh...sorry, I forgot for a second..."

God, this was the last thing he wanted. The seventh brother put so much effort into trying to make them happy, but they still think he cares so little about something that made them happy, just because it's about their kids?

"Show me."

MC raised an eyebrow.

"Are your sure?"

Belphie sighed.

"Just let me feel it, Butthead."

The human brought his hand to their belly, watching him closely. When he felt a kick, the man's eyes widened.

He didn't really say or do anything at first.

"Belphie?"

He took his hand off their belly, but never let MC's hand leave his. He squeezed it.

"You don't have to avoid things like that with me, Dummy. I'm glad they're healthy enough to do that."

And that was the truth. Belphie was glad his kids seemed to be doing fine. I mean, they're strong enough that he can feel their kicks so that must be a good sign

And most importantly, he wanted his Human to share with him the moments that make them happy because that's the point of all of this; to make them happy.

Devil, was this man anxious when they went into labor. Not that he let MC see that, of course. Like he tends to do with a lot of his emotions, he bottles them up and just focuses on helping his Human.

When his children were born and he watched MC hold them so close, so lovingly...he honestly didn't know what he was feeling, not fully.

All he knew for sure was that these three were depending on him and always would.

It took him a year or two, but he did end up bonding with his kids. Judas and Lilith...being their dad was different than he thought it would be. It wasn't always easy, especially with how much Lilith misbehaves at times, but these are his kids and they love him without limit. The Sloth demon had to admit, such love was just contagious.

The four of them were actually happy. This wasn't just some obligation he had to fulfill anymore; this was a life he enjoyed living and he honestly couldn't remember the last time he could say that before his twins.

[melanielocke]

Lost in the shadows - Chapter 7

AO3

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Taglist @nott-the-best @foxglove-airmid @alastair-esfandiyar-carstairs1 @justanormaldemon @styxdrawings

Lucie’s parents were putting away the groceries when the four of them entered the house. Thomas quickly texted his parents he was with the Herondales and wasn’t sure when he’d be back. Will and Tessa had noticed something was not right immediately, and while Will was making some tea, Tessa sat down on the couch with her daughter.

‘What happened, Lu?’ she asked.

Lucie recounted the story of seeing Jesse Blackthorn, and Thomas couldn’t help but think it was all connected somehow. She had never seen Jesse until now, just after a washing woman had told him his grandfather’s debt was not paid. That was not a coincidence.

‘What if Jesse came back from being dead somehow?’ Thomas asked.

‘None of you saw him, did you?’ Lucie asked.

Thomas, Cordelia and Alastair all said no.

‘He was a ghost,’ Lucie said. ‘So he’s still very much dead. And he didn’t stay around to talk. I thought he was going to, I thought he wanted to, but then he was gone. And I don’t understand any of it. Why here, why now? I thought he’d moved on to wherever dead people are supposed to go, and I don’t think I’ve ever encountered a ghost who’d returned from there.’

‘You might not have been wherever Jesse’s ghost was before,’ Thomas offered, but Lucie determinedly shook her head.

‘He would have come for me,’ Lucie said. ‘I know what we had wasn’t really romance, but he was still a dear friend and he would not have left me. I looked everywhere for him. And he’s never been here in his life, it makes no sense for him to come to this place.’

‘It must be connected to my grandfather’s debts,’ Thomas said, and he recounted the story for Cordelia and Lucie. He suspected Will and Tessa already knew most of it, but Lucie and Cordelia knew nothing and Thomas was afraid telling Lucie Jesse’s death might not have been an accident was a bit much. It was an odd sort of guilt Thomas felt while discussing Jesse. It wasn’t his fault exactly, that Jesse had died, but perhaps if he’d died Jesse would have survived and gotten better instead. Why did he deserve to live and not Jesse? Why had he survived?

‘Thomas, perhaps you should ask your father to contact Tatiana,’ Tessa suggested. ‘Perhaps she knows more.’

Will shook his head though. ‘Tatiana is mad as mouse trapped in a teapot,’ he said. ‘She never took her father’s death well and blamed it on anyone involved in the matter. Me, Jem, even her own brothers. And when Jesse died, I think she decided we were all evil and out to ruin her life. She thinks we turned her brothers against her, killed her father, and let her son die. She might even blame Lucie for Jesse’s death since she never approved of them spending time together. I don’t want her anywhere near you, no matter what information she might have.’

‘My father has been trying to call her and has left several messages. So far nothing,’ Thomas said. ‘I don’t think she wants us to contact her, but if we told her Jesse’s ghost was here, do you think that would change her mind?’

‘Or perhaps Jesse’s ghost appeared because Tatiana made a dark deal of her own,’ Will said. He stared out of the window thoughtfully. ‘In which case, perhaps it is our duty to stop her. None of which is your responsibility.’

Thomas suspected Will had been fighting against the supernatural at an age younger than he was now, but there was a reason he’d stopped. He imagined the price had been too high, and perhaps he regretted going up against monsters at such a young age. Perhaps it had left scars.

‘Sometimes doing nothing is more dangerous though,’ Thomas said.

‘Exactly,’ Lucie said. ‘I need to find out what happened to Jesse, we have no time to waste.’

Like Thomas, Lucie was both reckless and stubborn and he didn’t think any amount of discussion with her parents was going to stop her.

Will sighed. ‘You’re just like me when I was your age. Always running headlong towards danger. I suppose I can’t stop you. But I hope you can be careful. Speaking with ghosts is one thing, but running after the son of Tatiana Blackthorn…’

‘Will, I think we’re going to have to try and remember as much as we can from Benedict Lightwood,’ Tessa said. ‘Any detail could be crucial, anything we missed at the time. I suppose Gideon knows the most.’

‘I can help with that,’ Alastair said. ‘To remember, I mean.’

Alastair explained his ability and Thomas realized he hadn’t told anyone besides him and his family, since everyone except for Cordelia seemed surprised and confused.

‘An interesting and useful ability for someone who investigates the supernatural,’ Will mused. ‘If someone claims to have seen someone, you could objectify it for yourself and figure out what it is before fighting it. I got into some dangerous situations myself because sighted people didn’t know the difference between a werewolf and a wulver.’

Thomas didn’t know what the difference was between a werewolf and a wulver, but was glad he’d never encountered either.

‘That’s not… I’m just trying to save Thomas. I don’t want to fight like my father,’ Alastair said, refusing to look Will in the eye.

Will nodded. ‘That is a wise decision. Life fighting evil isn’t for everyone. It is a hard life and it leaves its scars. But those scars are, unfortunately, the price that some of us must pay so the rest can be safe.’

Thomas noticed Alastair tensed up, but he didn’t say anything. Thomas wanted to ask if he was alright, but Alastair seemed so closed off and he didn’t dare. He remembered Alastair being like this at times at school, and Thomas had learnt that approaching him when he was in such a state led to him lashing out. His attempt, Thomas suspected, to conceal how vulnerable he really was.

‘Alastair, why don’t you go see Gideon?’ Tessa said in an attempt to break the awkward silence. ‘I think he is the most likely to remember anything useful. In all the time he didn’t know the supernatural was real, he still might have picked up information he didn’t understand at the time.’

Alastair didn’t say anything, just nodded and picked up his bag and left.

‘I’ll go too,’ Thomas said and he quickly followed Alastair, who was already outside when he caught up..

Alastair was still tense and Thomas wished there was something he could do to help, but he wasn’t sure what exactly was going on.

‘Are you alright?’ he asked, reaching out his hand and dropping it.

He wasn’t sure Alastair wanted to be touched, even if his first instinct was to offer him comfort through a hug or a hand on his shoulder. He knew Alastair’s anger, and even if Thomas knew Alastair didn’t mean the rude things he said, it still hurt when he lashed out.

‘I’m fine, Lightwood,’ Alastair snapped.

Thomas wasn’t sure what to say. Alastair had always called him by his last name back at school, which Thomas had taken as an attempt to not let him get to close, as if using his first name implied they were friends when Alastair did the best he could to keep everyone at an arm’s length. He thought they were past that, though. They’d spoken so openly this morning in the woods, even if he could tell Alastair had scars he wasn’t ready to reveal. That was alright though, because Alastair was more than just his scars, or his memory ability. Thomas had loved talking about Alastair’s interests, he loved how passionate Alastair could be. Now he struggled to tell what Alastair was feeling, and if he liked Thomas’ presence at all.

‘Was it something uncle Will said?’ Thomas asked.

Technically, Will wasn’t his uncle, but Thomas had always called him that. He viewed Lucie as his closest friend, but also as family. Will’s sister Cecily was his aunt through marriage though, so in that regard the Herondales were almost family.

‘I’m perfectly fine,’ Alastair said between his teeth. ‘Stop pretending I’m fragile.’

Thomas took a step back, hurt. He knew Alastair didn’t mean it, he knew Will’s comment had upset him and this was how Alastair defended himself. Thomas didn’t think Alastair was fragile, far from it, but it was obvious he wasn’t alright, wasn’t it? He didn’t want to make Alastair uncomfortable, but he wished he could be of more help. He wished he knew how to support him.

Thomas couldn’t deny to himself that he still had feelings for Alastair. After this morning, after getting a glimpse of who he really was, Thomas only loved him more. Knowing Alastair was gay, there was a chance Alastair could like him back. He began to suspect it wasn’t that easy though.

‘I know you’re not fragile,’ Thomas said. ‘But it’s alright to admit that things bother you. I know you’ve been through much more than any of us can imagine and honestly if it were me I wouldn’t be able to do half the things you did. I’d be a crumbling mess.’

Alastair stared at him for a moment, Thomas could tell he was thinking. He seemed confused, furrowing his perfectly shaped brows. Even Matthew had agreed there was something special about Alastair’s eyebrows.

‘What do you know about what happened to me?’ Alastair asked, but it wasn’t as hostile as he’d expected. ‘Did they tell you too?’

Thomas assumed with “they” Alastair meant the Herondales. ‘Not much,’ he admitted. ‘I know something is not alright with your father though. And since uncle Will warned us about drinking, I’m guessing maybe he had a drinking problem? And I think it upsets you when people describe him as a hero who fought monsters and kept people safe. Or when people talk about how his life as a hero left scars. Because it dismisses you, it implies that what happened to you is just collateral damage.’

‘My father was a hero,’ Alastair said but there was no admiration in his voice. His hands were shaking and Thomas realized he was still very upset. ‘He did all these things Will talks about, and when I was a small child I used to curl up in his lap and listen as he told stories of his adventures. And I think they’re right that it had a cost, that what he saw was the reason he started drinking. But that’s no excuse for how he treated me, is it? I don’t want to empathize with my father, not after everything he did to me. People can talk all they want of how noble he was, and that being a hero leaves its scars, but what about me? What about my scars? Do I not matter?’

Thomas wanted to touch Alastair, hold his hand, put his arms around him and hold him close, but feared he would only make it worse. Alastair could be difficult to read at times, even to Thomas who prided himself on his ability to read people.

‘Of course you matter. It’s alright to hate him,’ Thomas said. ‘Or feel however you want to about him.’

‘I do. I hate him,’ Alastair said. ‘But for a long time I also loved him. And I kept trying, kept hoping that he would change if only I did better.’

There were tears in his eyes, Alastair wiped them away with shaking hands.

‘It’s not your fault,’ Thomas said. ‘Recovery from addiction is a long and difficult process and that was never your responsibility. And making sure you and Cordelia were safe was his responsibility as a parent.’

‘He never cared,’ Alastair said, and although Alastair seemed a bit calmer, his hands were still shaking and the tears in his eyes were still there. Will’s comments, although unintentional, must have been very upsetting. ‘My mother spent years trying to convince him to go to a clinic. Not so long ago she asked Jem to convince him, but I don’t know. I don’t think he wants to get better.’

‘That must be difficult,’ Thomas said. ‘Does Jem keep you informed on how your father is doing? Do they still see each other?’

‘I think Jem’s still trying with my father, but I’m trying to get away from him,’ Alastair said. ‘I’ve asked him not to keep me informed. I’d rather not know. Come, we’re almost at your father’s cottage. Searching his memory is probably going to take some time.’

Thomas took Alastair’s comment as an attempt to end the conversation about his father and didn’t press. At the cottage, Thomas realized his parents weren’t there, and when Thomas checked his phone he saw his father had texted that they were taking a walk and his mother wanted to try if she could find the washer woman Thomas had seen.

Thomas texted back, explaining how Alastair intended to help with the memories, and then made them both some lunch since neither had eaten since breakfast and Thomas was starving. Ever since his growth spurt, Thomas had an insatiable appetite. He and Lucie used to have eating competitions, but Lucie was starting to get insecure about eating a lot because she’d gained weight. While eating a lot was generally acceptable for teen boys, it was frowned upon for girls. Thomas missed it. It might be weird and stupid, but it was theirs and it was fun and Thomas was quite good at it. They decided to play chess to pass the time when they were finished eating.

Thomas was decent, but rusty. He’d taken chess classes sometime at school but hadn’t played in a while, and tended to miss important details as he played. He stood no chance against Alastair.

‘Cordelia and I played a lot of chess,’ Alastair said. ‘She’s a bit better at it than I am. My mother taught us, chess was originally a Persian game and she thought it was important we knew how to play.’

‘Really? I didn’t know.’

‘The term check derives from the Persian word ‘Shãh’, which means king. Checkmate comes from ‘Shãh mãt’, meaning the king is helpless.’

‘And your family is from Iran, right?’ Thomas asked.

‘My mother is,’ he said. ‘My father is English. I was born here in England, but my mother raised us with Persian stories, the language. She wanted to keep us connected to our heritage.’

‘Are you or your family religious?’ Thomas asked then.

‘I’m not. My father didn’t want to raise us with religion. He was raised a Christian, but I don’t think he really believed anymore. My mother is Muslim, so I am familiar with her religion, but I’m not yet sure what to believe. Growing up with so many stories of the supernatural, it’s easier to believe what I can prove is out there and having faith in something I’ll never be able to prove is something I find difficult.’

‘I agree with the last part,’ Thomas said. ‘But neither of my parents are religious, so I guess it makes sense. I wouldn’t say I’m atheist, it’s more like I think anything is possible.’

‘No, I’m not atheist either,’ Alastair agreed. ‘I don’t discount what my mother believes, but I can’t be sure either and that’s what I find difficult.’

They played two more games of chess before Thomas’ parents came back, both of which Alastair won. Thomas acknowledged he would probably never win at this game, perhaps another time they could play something different.

‘Did you find anything?’ Thomas asked.

‘No, nothing,’ Gideon said. ‘But I got your text, although I’m not quite sure I understand what Alastair can do.’

Alastair explained his ability, and after several questions his father seemed to understand.

‘Thomas, I think you two ate all the bread,’ his mother said as she checked the cupboard. Thomas guessed that was true, his parents still tended to underestimate his appetite, and they might not have counted on Alastair eating here too. ‘Maybe you could go into town and buy some before the shops are all out.’

Thomas turned to Alastair. ‘Do you need me to stay here?’

‘I wouldn’t want you to starve,’ Alastair said. ‘And it might be best not to bring too many people into someone else’s memory. I’m a bit unpracticed.’

Thomas took the car and drove it to the village. He’d gotten a driver’s license a couple of months ago. He had to make a few adjustments to the chair’s position so he could fit into the driver’s seat, and most cars were uncomfortable no matter the adjustments. He parked the car near the grocery store and was relieved to find they weren’t out of bread yet. Just to be sure, Thomas also bought some snacks he knew were vegan. You never knew when you suddenly craved something sweet, or salty. And he didn’t know what Alastair liked, so he bought a wide variety so he’d be able to offer him something he like. At the check out he felt a bit like Harry Potter after buying everything from the trolley, and Thomas didn’t meet the cashier’s eyes as he paid.

While taking his bags back to the car, he caught the eye of a woman with brown hair. He only noticed her for a few seconds, after he’d put his bags in the trunk of the car, and realized she must have been staring at him. She turned around before Thomas could get a proper look at her, trailed by a pretty blonde teen girl. He was just being paranoid, he told himself. Perhaps there was something weird about his clothes he had not noticed, or another logical reason she might have stared. Thomas pushed down the feeling of unease and got in the car, driving back to his parents.

[thunderc1an]

po3 rewrite(?) chapter 1:

Table of Contents | Next Chapter

The deep rumble beneath his paws lulled him back into unconscious darkness while the smell of sweet milk soothed him.

Time passed, enough time that the rumble underneath him now had slipped into his mind pulling him from the comforting darkness. Green eyes opened slowly, the soft cream world before him blurred and it was not until he blinked that fur came into focus. He nuzzled into the thick warm strands, chasing after the fleeting unconscious nature that came with dreaming.

“Mousekit,” The fur spoke to him lovingly. “Mousekit, your littermates are already up and playing outside the nursery, why don’t you join them as well?” 

He whines unfairly, and rebels by smushing his nose against the warm mass; it stops him from breathing. When air becomes a necessity, he lifts his head quickly with a huff. Daisy laughs at her kit’s antics, it’s an airy laugh and to Mousekit it brought this deep rooted joy to his chest, he smiles cheekily as a result. And his smile was rewarded with a lick atop his forehead. The kit blinks and looks up at his mother, her blue eyes nudge him away, and he finally complies. Shaky paws support his weight as he stands.

He stays by the nursery’s entrance, looking back to see if his mother was watching him, but Daisy’s attention was pulled to Squirrelflight, the three small dark bundles at her belly sleep peacefully. Berrykit hated them, for they would always cry and make a fuss whenever they did not have a full belly, which was often. Squirrelflight was able to produce milk just fine but not enough for all three kits. The clan was currently going through a shortage of prey, or that was what Hazelkit had told him she heard from the older warriors. When he does scamper into the camp’s clearing he thinks he rather likes them for they have a father that was a loner, and to the small kit that meant they have something in common. Although there was a shortage of prey the clan was still bustling with movement, warriors talked amongst themselves in the shadows of their dens and to the far left an elder was scolding an apprentice’s ear off.

Mousekit’s world turned sharply when paws slammed him to the floor. Green eyes look up and they reveal a laughing Berrykit.

“You spent all sun-high sleeping!” The cream furred kit exclaimed loudly.

And, another voice at his side said: “We were about to go and wake you ourselves” Hazelkit peered down at him, her smile bright with muted laughter. 

“Well, I’m here now” He says, a pout on his muzzle. “That’s true” Hazelkit responded happily all the while pushing Berrykit off him, the cream tom says a small ‘Hey!’ in protest as Mousekit was freed from the weight of his brother. Berrykit may be the bigger one of the three but it was clear that Hazelkit held a growing strength to her under soft white and grey fur.

The kits began to play, or rather the game of the day was to unbalance one another, their delighted squeals and laughter rang above the clan’s quick paced atmosphere. And when they became more rowdy a shadow loomed over the three, tinged with gold but not at all menacing, the kits looked up, their actions paused. Hazelkit’s jaws were clamped down onto Berrykit’s already short tail, and Mousekit had somehow managed to end up with his body pressed against the hard ground again. Brackenfur stands before them, his short, but thick, fur shined brightly with the help from the strong sun planted overhead. “You kits are old enough to know you shouldn’t be making a ruckus in the middle of the camp.” The deputy scolds, but the way he smiles endearingly down at them was clear they would not be in any serious trouble. 

Mousekit thought about how much he liked Thunderclan’s deputy as his littermates and him straightened themselves. Brackenfur was kind and fair with every cat in the clan but the elders had always fussed that the older tom was always too lenient with noisy kits and young apprentices. They said that this was supposedly due to the incident with Snowkit, but Mousekit had never seen a character by the name of Snowkit in camp before and he was mighty shy to ask the deputy himself who this elusive kit was.

“Run along, go find your mother” he meows to them but before he lets them be he takes a glance to the side before leaning in closer to the kits. Mousekit notes there was a small strand of grey fur that stuck to the tom’s golden muzzle. “You may want to go now for I shall share with you what a small rabbit told me at moon-high.” Amber eyes bounce with joy. “I heard that three strong and courageous kits will receive their apprentice names today.” His statement alone was enough to cause the three kits to bolt towards the nursery. Berrykit was first to enter, followed by Hazelkit and finally Mousekit who stumbled inside. “We’re going to become apprentices!” Berrykit announced loudly. Both Daisy and Squirrelflight looked up at their, very, loud entrance. As soon as the words leave Berrykit’s short muzzle the dark bundles at Squirreflight’s belly begin to cry for their mother, afraid at what they must think is an intruder. The red queen is quick to ease their tears while Daisly softly reprimands her son for the noise.

Hazelkit is the second to speak, her words leveled, but still full of the same enthusiasm as her littermate: “Mom, did you know? Brackenfur just told us so.” Daisy's attention is pulled to her other kit, her frown shapes into a smile. “I did know,” 

“Then why didn’t you tell us!” Mousekit squeaks, hurt from the fact that Daisy had not told them such important information. The cream molly giggles “I just wished to have one more morning with you three nestled by my side” And these words cause Mousekit to pause, a sudden sense of sadness washes over his white fur. He wondered if he'd get to be by his mother’s side once more when he would finish his apprentice duties. It seemed that Hazelkit shared his same sentiment for she quickly asked their mother: “Will we ever get to see you again?”. Daisy laughed airily, but this time it caused the sadness to clench Mousekit’s chest, would he ever hear this laugh again?

The creamed molly licked her kits reassuringly. “Of course little ones, you can always come and visit me whenever you feel like it, actually, you three better come and visit me everyday” Daisy orders them, but it does not feel like an order to them, not in the slightest. A yowl sounds from the clearing, a signal of a clan meeting. Berrykit gasps “That must be Firestar! It’s time!” He squeals, being the first to run out of the nursery, Hazelnut leaves as well, her head held proudly as the light from the outside engulfs her. Mousekit stays near his mother, he looks to Squirrelflight “Will you come watch us as well?” He asked politely. The daughter of the clan leader smiles sweetly at his politeness. “For you? Always twerp”. The kit smiles joyfully and runs off as well, he hears the voice of Squirrelflight tell Daisy she wishes her kits to grow into kind cats as Daisy’s kits have, Daisy responds with a giggle but that is all the conversation he hears.

Firestar stood tall, above the sea of cats. His smile was gentle, like a father, as he seemed to be supportive of each and every individual cat. Hazelkit had told him that Firestar was once a kittypet, heard it from the elders she said, a kittypet who saved the clans. Mousekit wondered if this respected cat suffered the same looks his family would often receive for being outsiders. Of course those senior warriors that looked down on his family did not do it openly, but at times when playing with his littermates in the clan’s clearing he could feel the stares. Hazelkit was not bothered in the slightest, but Berrykit certainly was, he always made comments about it to their mother, and Daisy would always soothingly reassure him that it meant nothing, but, every time Mousekit would see this unknown emotion in her eye when Berrykit complained; that was why Mousekit never spoke about the looks. The kit went to stand by Hazelkit’s side, and not too far from the pair of littermates Berrykit sat arguing with Honeypaw. Honeypaw was part of the litter that had become apprentices before the three, her and Berrykit would usually butt heads with one another, and that had not changed in the slightest when she left the nursery a moon ago. Yet, soon their argument is settled when Firestar calls for silence.

He begins the meeting by first calling Berrykit’s name, some words were stated by the leader and then the orange tom called for a warrior by the name of Brambleclaw. Mousekit’s ears pricked, both with unease and clear confusion, as a murmur swept through the clan when a large dark tabby tom stepped forward; the warrior seemed unbothered as the clan’s quiet words fell short of him. The sea of cats settled when Firestar called for the next kit. Hazelkit was given the name of Hazelpaw and the Thunderclan leader called for Spiderleg who gave her an unsightly look when the two touched noses.

“Mousekit,” Firestar finally called his name and the kit’s legs threatened to shake. “Just as your littermates you have reached six moons of age meaning you are ready to become an apprentice. From this day on, until you receive your warrior name, you will be known as Mousepaw.” The now made apprentice look wildly at the warriors around him, who will be his mentor? Who will train him? He had not given much thought of it until this moment, it was an important factor if he wished to become a respected warrior of Thunderclan

“Brackenfur,” Firestar stated and Mousepaw openly gawked, the clan’s deputy stepped forward. “You are ready to take on your next apprentice, Graystripe, I, and the entire clan have taught you well.” The mention of the last deputy made a few warriors bow their head almost simultaneously. No one had explained to the apprentice who this Graystripe actually was, the only knowledge he had of the former deputy that disappeared was that they were a slightly carefree and very easy-going. The bright colored tom continued: “You have shown yourself to be fair but equally strong, and I hope all that you have learned will be passed down onto Mousepaw''. Brackenfur lowered his head respectively to his leader and he stepped closer to the young cat. Both touched noses with one another and there was a shyness to Mousepaw as he was face-to-face with such a respected cat seemingly alone in a big clearing.

The clan calls their names, some hesitate but the majority of the clan explodes with noise. Mousepaw looks behind him and sees Daisy and Squirrelflight at the side of the nursery, his mother shined with joy, brighter than any cloudless sky. The cheers around him cause for the shyness to wash away his fur, he’s ecstatic, happy. He feels the weight of his littermates on him again as they joyfully tackle him to the ground. They laugh together in union.

This was the best!

[talesfromunderthemattress]

Father’s Day Tales: Daddy Night, Part One

This is Part One of a four-part Father's Day special, and while there's not so much sex in this one, there's plenty of vibes that will make all the sex that's coming - and there's gonna be a lot - even better. So stick with me, fellas. You trust me, right? Good. Let's go...

*   *   *   *   *

"Let's go get a drink."

As soon as his father said it, Ian knew he should shut the whole thing down right there and then. Against all odds, they’d had a pretty good day of it at Pride. He’d been thinking about attending the festivities, this being his first Pride in a new town. His first Pride ever, in fact. But when his father had announced he was coming to town for the weekend, Ian had shelved the idea altogether, and figured that was that until next year. Until his Dad happened to see a flyer for it while they were out for dinner after his arrival Friday night, turned to him with that charming grin of his, and said, “Well hell, buddy, looks like there’s a party goin’ on! What do you say we go check it out?”

“Uh, I dunno Dad, you’re only in town a few days, maybe we can hit a ballgame or something,” Ian said warily, searching his brain for the most likely Father’s Day weekend activity he could think of, in a city he was still getting to know.

“Hell with that,” Dan said, waving a slightly tipsy hand. “Let’s face it, baseball is boring, and the team here sucks ass, buddy.” He turned to Ian with that mischievous gleam in his eye.

“Well, I guess more than a few people at Pride suck ass too,” he said, cocking an eyebrow for humorous effect, and Ian had always enjoyed the jocular, easy kind of relationship he had with his father, but right then, he wished there was a manhole or something close by that he could crawl into.

“C’mon, it’ll be fun, or interesting at the very least,” his Dad said, slinging one big arm around Ian’s shoulders as they walked. “You’re new in town, and these are your people. And I’m a proud Dad of a gay son. I want to show my support, for you and all your brothers and sisters.”

Ian felt a little wave of something inside him hearing that – gratitude, maybe, and in spite of how awkward this subject was making him feel, a definite warm buzz of love for his Dad, too. The big guy had taken his coming out a few years back with ease and not just acceptance, but warmth, a big embrace both literal and figurative. He hadn’t really expected that – Dan Cameron was an ex-Navy man and former football star, all roguish charm and long-striding manly-man confidence, a few rough edges still beneath his custom-fit suits. But he’d always been Ian’s biggest cheerleader, through school and sports and debate team, and now in this too.

“Besides, it’s Father’s Day weekend,” Dan said. “That means I get to pick what we do, right?”

“I guess…” Ian said, knowing there was nothing he could do about it now. The Bad Idea Train had already left the station, and he was just along for the ride.

“Then it’s settled,” Dan said with a decisive nod, giving him a friendly squeeze. “The Cameron men are goin’ to Pride!”

In spite of his misgivings – and they were many, and he’d laid awake that night thinking about them all – they’d had a good time at Pride. It was a first for both of them, and Dan had acted like the good kind of tourist, engaged and respectful and open-minded. He’d taken even the crazier sights in his stride – the roving pack of athletic dudes in pup masks and harnesses, the guy wearing a Babadook costume on his top half, and a studded leather jock below that, among other things – and the two of them had frequently found themselves laughing together at the things they’d seen. Even the slightly mortifying parts, like all the guys openly scoping out Dan’s handsome, athletic middle-aged form, didn’t bother Ian as much as he’d feared they might. For Dan’s part, he’d seemed pretty pleased by that, too.

“Hey, what’s that stereotype about you guys having good taste?” he said with a comically proud tilt of his chin. “And here I thought you were the exception to the rule,” he added, giving Ian’s ribs a playful dig with his elbow, grinning that charming grin beneath the rolled brim of his favorite old ballcap.

“Ah shut up, old man,” Ian shot back playfully, making Dan roar with laughter and sling his arm round his neck again.

“That’s my boy,” he said with genuine pride, making it a fine damn day for Ian indeed. “C’mon, let’s get another beer, smartass.”

Sure, it was a pretty unusual way for a father and son to spend quality bonding time, but like Dan himself said, it was a different world from when he was growing up, and in many ways, a much better one. And despite his initial fears, Ian found himself glad they were experiencing it together, and glad to have a man like Dan for his Dad. Feeling a genuine sense of pride, in their bond and himself, which he supposed was what Pride was all about.

They stayed out longer than Ian expected, and after grabbing some dinner at a food truck – the entire time, Ian grinning at the crazy scenario of him and his father eating tacos beside a gaggle of drag queens and a bunch of leather dudes, including a guy wearing a puppy-tail butt plug, to which Dan had said matter-of-factly, “Now that’s some muscle control, right there,” making Ian nearly choke on his al pastor – they found themselves at a loose end. Evening was fast falling, and Ian supposed he’d probably head back to his little apartment, and Dan to his hotel. But he didn’t really feel like wrapping up the day yet, and clearly neither did Dan.

“Well, clearly this has got to be the place,” Dan said, as they stood outside the End Zone, lifting his hands up towards the banner hanging out front, like it was a fait accompli. DADDY NIGHT! it said, and Ian felt his heart sink, at the same time as his guts started to twist up. It reminded him of being younger, that fear of getting busted doing something you really loved, and didn’t want anyone else to know you loved it as much as you did.

“Yeah, Dad, no, maybe we should…” he said, trying to keep the tension out of his voice, but Dan just waved him off amiably.

“C’mon, it’ll be fun,” he said, slinging his big arm round Ian’s shoulders companionably. “We’ve had fun today, right? And I know you didn’t think we would, you can’t bullshit me, kiddo.”

Ian knew he wasn’t going to win this one, especially when Dan gave him a jocular squeeze.

“Just think of it as another adventure,” he said. “You should always have adventures when you’re new in town.”

His voice dropped a little lower, more confidential, just audible over the street sounds.

“And yes, I know what ‘Daddies’ means, at least here,” he said. “I didn’t just fall off the turnip truck.”

Ian felt himself blushing hot, which was dumb, they were both grown men here, and they’d already seen a lot today. But this one hit a little closer to home than leather dudes and drag queens and little twinks in sparkly shorts and fairy wings. 

“‘Sides, maybe I’ll score some free drinks, right?” Dan grinned, giving Ian that cocky, but playful wink that always sealed the deal for him. And there it was again, the idea of other dudes hitting on his Dad. His fucking Dad, for fuck’s sake. 

My Dad, he thought, then pushed that one away real quick. Dan was already making for the End Zone’s door, and if there was anything worse than being on the Bad Idea Train sometimes, it was being left behind by it.

* * * * *

“Shit, you really committed to the whole look,” the bouncer said, looking Dan up and down, taking in his polo shirt and cargo shorts and his old Sox ballcap, the New Balance hiking shoes he was wearing. He smirked and gave their IDs a cursory check, particularly Ian’s, then nodded them towards the open door, and the party music pumping out of it. He hadn’t even registered surprise at their shared last name, but then Ian supposed with gay marriage being a thing now, the bouncer probably assumed they were a couple, and that gave him a weird little feeling deep down in his guts that he quickly stamped out.

Ian had been to the End Zone a couple times, and it was an alright kind of place, more on the bar end of the spectrum than the clubs. He didn’t much like the music in the clubs, and the scene there was a little more cruisy than he was comfortable with just yet. You could watch the football game at the End Zone, and the music was quieter, and the crowd tended a little more to the mature side. It felt like a pretty good place to hang out, though now, following his father inside, he wasn’t so sure about that.

He felt himself blushing again, all tense inside, like the first time he’d ever been to a gay bar, back in his sophomore year. He liked the bond he had with his father, the easy camaraderie they had, and Dan’s warm acceptance of his sexuality had been a big deal for Ian. But he’d kind of hoped to keep this whole side of being gay, his actual gay life, separate from that. Still, here they were, Dan navigating confidently ahead of him, getting the lay of the land, seemingly perfectly at home in the space. Ian couldn’t help but notice the occasional head turning to follow his father, and looking at him from behind, broad-shouldered and middle-aged fit, a handsome profile under the rolled brim of his ballcap… yeah, he understood. He understood it real well, alright.

Heads were turning to look at him, too. Ian took after his father for the most part, with decently broad shoulders and a trim waist and strong legs, and he knew he was more than passably good-looking, with quite a lot of Dan’s features. It helped that Dan had stayed fit and set the example for him, stressing the importance of keeping in decent shape and doing your best. He’d inherited plenty of good genes, and now that he was growing into himself as a man, they were really starting to come together in ways he liked. Seeing Dan mature into the handsome, solid specimen he’d become gave Ian plenty to hope for in the coming years, too. 

But he was still getting used to being checked out the way other gay guys did, and especially right now. It had been one thing while they were out and about at the festivities today, those guys scoping him out, scoping his Dad out. Made him feel a perverse sense of pride, almost, to have all those guys appreciating his Dad, and him in turn too. Maybe they saw the resemblance, and he wondered about that off and on, what those observing men might make of that. 

It felt different in here, though, in the enclosed confines of the End Zone, the guys pressed closer, many of them already shirtless, the air starting to thicken with that mix of uniquely male scents, cologne and beer and sweat and musk. It all felt headier, somehow, more animal. Closer. They were off the streets now, out of the general public’s eye, in a particularly male space, and Ian swore he could feel the testosterone in the air. He swore he could feel his body starting to respond to it, too, deep inside. The gazes falling on him felt firmer, more intent, and the way these other men looked at his father felt just as pointed. Loaded, and the more Ian watched Dan’s broad back and high, round ass shift as he confidently moved through the crowding space, the more loaded his own gaze felt too.

Standing at the bar gave Ian a little bit more of a feeling of control of the situation. It was always like this, the few times he’d come here; suck in your breath, make your way inside, find a spot at the bar to get a drink and anchor yourself, and figure out your next move. He wasn’t sure what the next move would be tonight, with Dan in the mix. Right now, his father was leaning over the bar, having a conversation with the hunky young bartender. The guy was a big young dude, all smooth, solid muscles, gym-honed on an ex-jock base, wearing a pair of Under Armour boxer briefs and a pair of sneakers and nothing else but a pair of sweatbands on his wrists. He was the kind of guy that definitely appealed to the slightly older clientele that tended to come here, and Ian was pretty sure the dude made a fortune in tips. Pretty sure the dude was straight, too, but that was OK, Ian kind of admired his hustle. I was hilarious that his father had brought him into a gay bar, and had managed to find the likely one straight dude here and engage him an animated conversation about college football in the space of about 15 minutes. But that was Dan all over. He was the kind of guy who could make a new friend just about anywhere, and it figured that in a roomful of men, he’d be perfectly at ease. Even if half of them seemed to want to fuck him, by the way they were looking at him.

Dan didn’t seem to notice any of that, but Ian did, sipping steadily on his beer as he looked around the room, one ear half-tuned to his father and the deep-voiced bar jock talking about the Tigers, the other listening to the sounds of the space. The crowd was a decent size, and now that it was getting dark out, more were coming in. A lot of older guys, sometimes in groups, sometimes with the younger dudes who tended to hang around them. Ian wondered if he could be considered one of those younger dudes. He hadn’t yet had the balls to go home with anybody he’d met here, but he’d always been aware of what he might be looking for, the kind of men his gaze tended to linger longest on. It was almost always the guys in their thirties and up, the ones who wore their frames with ease, with a certain relaxed confidence about being a man that Ian had always thought came with having a few years under your belt. A sense of solidity was what it was, he figured – solidity and experience and confidence. None of the guys his own age that he’d been with really had that, and it had always been a little bit disappointing to Ian to find that out afterwards, no matter how good the sex might have been.

There were a lot of those kinds of guys here tonight, older and wiser, and Ian was getting that feeling inside of him, the one he often got when he started to loosen up a little in a place like this. A sense of possibility in the air, for the men here tonight and maybe for him too, with one of them. A building feeling of something inside him. Courage, he knew, and as he worked his way down to the last third of his beer, he wondered if maybe tonight would have been the night. If he would have let one of these handsome, assured, mature guys maybe take him home, and show him that he was right to want what he’d always wanted.

But it wasn’t going to be tonight, because his father was here with him, and as close as they were, and as good and relaxed a time as they’d had together at Pride today, Ian figured that going home with some handsome DILF might be stretching things between him and Dan a bit. His father was only here for a few days, but Ian could come here any time he liked, and just thinking it, he knew he’d be back, soon, on his own and freer to explore.

“Gotta hit the head,” Dan suddenly said close to his ear over the rising noise, startling Ian out of his little reverie. “Order us another round, and I’ll be right back. If I don’t get eaten alive out there, anyways,” Dan said, nodding in the direction of the man-packed floor with an amused smirk, giving Ian’s shoulder a warm squeeze.

Well, so much for one drink and getting the fuck out of here, but what the hell. He signalled the bartender as he watched his father make his way to the bathrooms, watching the men responding to him, heads turning to appraise his form, looking to their friends and nodding at his father, leaning in close to talk about him in his wake. Many of them were guys his age too, and it gave him a weird little extra vibe inside to see that. Ian wondered what they were saying, and fuck that was so wrong. It was even wronger that he had a pretty good idea of what it was. Dan was a good-looking man, tall and strong and healthy, confident and masculine. Ian had grown up in the man’s large shadow, trying his best to make himself into his father’s image. He knew perfectly well what other men would find appealing about him, just like he knew they were probably picturing what Dan’s broad chest and big arms and long legs would look like with his polo shirt and shorts on their bedroom floor. 

Ian had the advantage there, because he knew perfectly well what Dan looked like, underneath his clothes. Or most of them, anyways. And he knew how the man looked through a hungry gaze, too. Had since he was 18… well, for quite a while before that, but especially since he was 18, the summer after his graduation from high school, when Dan had rented a place at the Outer Banks for a couple weeks and invited him down. Dan’s girlfriend had been there too, an attractive and ambitious woman in her late twenties who looked spectacular in her swimsuit, and looked at Ian with barely concealed boredom. Dan had dated quite a few women like that since he and Ian’s mother had divorced, never for longer than a few months, and by the time of the beach trip, it looked like Dan and… whatever her name was were reaching the end of their run too.

But Ian and Dan had been having a pretty good time, especially halfway through the trip, when Dan had opened up a bottle of Sailor Jerry one night and made a couple rounds of decently stiff drinks. Ian still remembered it, how smooth the rum had tasted, the feeling of sitting in the hot tub out on the deck overlooking the beach, the stars bright overhead as they talked. Feeling like a man, and being treated like one by the one man he’d always looked to more than anyone else. They talked easily, more than they’d really talked in years, and once Kayla or Taylor or whatever her name was had gotten bored and gone inside, leaving them to it, the conversation had continued. The way his father opened up to him made him see the man through different eyes, and himself too. It was a good feeling that had persisted ever since, even with everything else that had gone on.

“She’s not gonna be happy with you,” he said after a while, feeling good and loose and nicely buzzed from the rum and gingers Dan had fixed them.

“Story of my life, buddy,” Dan said with a rueful shake of his head. “Sucks, because she’s good in… well, you know.”

“Yeah, we don’t have to talk about that,” Ian said, blushing, trying not to picture his well-built father, handsomer than ever in his early forties, in bed with the pretty blonde. Trying, but not succeeding, and the warm bubbles of the hot tub sure weren’t helping. In a matter of seconds he was full-blown hard, his cock flaring up with that sudden quickness that always caught him off guard. He reached under the water to adjust himself without even thinking about it.

“Probably best we don’t,” Dan chuckled. “You too, huh?” he added after a long pause, nodding at Ian’s arm, half-submerged in the water, tugging at the tightness in his board shorts. Ian blushed harder, glad his father couldn’t see it in the dark, but he could see the easy grin on his father’s handsome face, and he didn’t know if that made things better or worse.

“Don’t worry about it, man,” Dan said, reaching under the water himself, and Ian tried his best not to look at the way the man’s big biceps shifted as he adjusted himself. “Happens to us all. Shit, I’d be worried if it didn’t, strong and healthy young dude like you.”

In spite of himself and the circumstances, Ian felt weirdly pleased by that, and at least it made him feel less weird about being boned up in the hot tub, next to his Dad, who seemed to be in the same kind of fix.

“You should go out and, y’know, do it on the beach before we go,” Dan said. “I mean, at night. I don’t wanna have to bail you out on indecency charges,” he chuckled.

“Yeah, uh… that seems kind of risky,” Ian said uneasily, unable to believe they were having this conversation. Dan just snorted and took another healthy slug of his drink.

“That’s what makes it so fun,” he said, and Ian didn’t need to look to hear the smile in his father’s voice. He wondered if Dan was throbbing as hard in his shorts as he was, and maybe it was the liquor telling him that he was very much his father’s son, especially right now.

“You game, bud?” Dan said after another long pause, and Ian could hear the rum in his voice.

“What? To…” he said, sounding like an idiot, and Dan just nodded, grinning at him.

“Sure, fuck it,” Dan said. “C’mon, it’ll be fun. What, you never jerked it with a bud before?”

Ian just shook his head, dumbfounded. Not exactly telling the truth, either. But his Dad was… kind of calling him his bud, and weird as all this was, that was pretty awesome. 

“Bullshit,” Dan said good-naturedly, downing the rest of his drink and standing up. He looked big and sleek and hearty, all deep-chested and strong-waisted, water streaming down his big arms and matting the hair down on his pecs and his solid core. More than that, he was hard in his shorts, the wet fabric clinging to it in ways that made Ian’s mouth water and his insides get all tight and hot-feeling. Even in the low light from the house behind them and the stars overhead, Dan was an impressive man. Ian had always thought so, more and more guiltily the past few years, but it was objectively true, and the truth wouldn’t be denied. The pulse of his own cock, hard and trapped in his shorts, wouldn’t either.

“C’mon,” his father said, stepping out of the hot tub and onto the deck, snagging a towel in one hand and the Sailor Jerry in the other. “You’re off to college and all kinds of adventures. Have one with your old man before you go. Get you started out right.”

And that’s how they’d wound up on the smooth, damp sand of Corolla Beach past midnight, side by side on beach towels, shorts open, jerking off together. It was the craziest fucking thing that had ever happened to Ian in his young life, one of those things that can only happen when everything lines up a certain way. Passing the bottle back and forth had eased the edge off for him, and boosted that special sense of manly camaraderie between them, and after some initial hesitation, Ian was really enjoying himself. Dan seemed in no hurry, and Ian had to agree that it was a pretty fuckin’ magical thing, stroking off with a buzz on, listening to the rush of the Atlantic before them, nothing else around but the stars and the breeze whispering through the sea grass as the two men worked on their cocks, grunting softly, letting go, following that age-old instinct to make yourself feel good, and strive towards release. 

Dan looked even better under the moonlight, leaned back on one hand, biceps bulging and flexing as he propped himself up and worked on his cock, his handsome profile a study in smiling, contented concentration as he made himself feel good, eyes closed. Even with the shadow of his big torso falling over it, Ian could see his father was big. He’d never been ashamed of his own piece, and years of covert study of his buddies and teammates had shown him he had plenty to be proud of, especially for his age, but Dan was sporting a man’s cock, solid in length and girth. It wasn’t big like a porn star’s, but then it wasn’t built for show, either. It was built for pleasure, and that sudden half-drunk realization about his own father’s cock hit Ian with a slow heat that simmered through him and his own cock in his hand. It made him close his eyes and focus on the fast-rising pleasure inside himself.

“Fuck yeah, go for it, dude,” Dan growled quietly beside him, and Ian’s eyes flashed back open to see his father casting him a sidelong glance, giving him an approving nod, his smile gleaming in the pale moonlight, working his own dick faster now, and holy fuck, it was all too much, too quick, and he wished this could last all night, but it was too late for that now…

“Ah fuck,” he moaned to himself, but he knew Dan could hear him, and the man grunted as if in agreement, the sound of his spit-slicked cock suddenly loud, making music in the soft night breeze.

“Yeah man,” Dan grunted, and that was it for Ian, his cock pulsing in his grip as it started to shoot, hot streaks of cum that arced through the air and splatted warmly against the muscles of his stomach and chest as he gasped and shook and dug his curling toes into the sand. Dan let out a low, rumbling growl, then a series of gasps, and Ian opened his eyes just in time to see the man shooting now too, grunting huskily as he pasted the already damp hair on his chest and belly with fresh streaks of wetness, over a half-dozen thick shots.

“Mmmmmm,” Dan murmured, chuckling as he sat back on his hands, chest heaving, cock still standing proud from the shadows of his open shorts. His cum gleamed on his torso in the moonlight, and Ian might have been pretty drunk, but he was still together enough to feel all this imprinting in his memory already, and he wasn’t mad about it.

“Guess we both needed that,” his father said, and Ian could just make out the wink he gave him, not to mention the appraising, approving way the man gave him one last look-over. “Told ya it’d be fun.”

“It was pretty, uh, memorable,” Ian said, feeling the blush start to set back in again, along with the start of the doubts, wondering how he was going to get all the cum off him without getting covered in sand, like a sugared donut.

“And that’s what counts,” Dan said. “Believe me, you’ll appreciate that the older you get.”

Dan led a running charge to the water to get cleaned up, and he might have had a skinful of rum, but he still moved like the athlete he’d been, and all of it etched into Ian’s memory. They washed the loads off their bodies and into the Atlantic, then paddled around for a little bit under the moonlight, not really saying anything, just enjoying sharing the moment. It was weird, and it was crazy, and they probably shouldn’t have done it, but it was one of the best things that Ian had ever experienced.

So for all the guys looking at his father tonight in the End Zone, checking him out, mentally undressing him, only Ian really knew how the man looked, and not just out of his clothes but really, fully into himself. It was a strange but hot feeling of privilege, and it brought back that tingle down deep in his insides, the same way thinking about that night at Corolla did. It was all starting to bring back the tightness in his shorts, too, and if he didn’t watch himself, he’d be pitching a tent right here in the middle of the bar. Any other night, that might not be such a bad thing here. Not this Daddy Night, though.

Common sense said to keep things light with another beer, but even as he was thinking that, Ian was asking the bartender for a couple of Seven and Sevens. He remembered Dan drinking them on summer evenings sometimes, and that seemed like a good kind of drink to buy your father on Father’s Day weekend, even if it was in a gay bar. Maybe especially so, he thought with a smirk to himself.

“That’s a shame, I was just about to offer to buy you one,” came a voice from close beside him, and he turned to see a guy standing side-on to him, leaning against the bar with a handsome smile. A nice-looking guy, everyday-handsome features that his smile amplified, wearing a full but close-cropped beard that was more salt than pepper. It matched his hair, silvery-gray with darker threads, cut tight but still showing a little bit of a curl to it. Ian was a little startled, by his closeness and the approach. He still wasn’t really used to that, he guessed. Not yet, at least.

“Uh, thanks, I appreciate it,” Ian said, wondering how much the bar lighting showed the blush in his cheeks.

“Well, the offer’s not closed yet,” the man said with a little bit more of that grin, and damn, on any other night… “I’ve seen you here before, haven’t I?”

“Um, yeah, I’ve been in here a couple times,” Ian said, knowing how young and dumb he must sound. People had always said he had more than a little of his father’s charm, so where the fuck was it right now? “I’m new in town, but seems like a pretty cool place.”

“Yeah, it’s not bad,” the guy said, and it felt like his gaze had never left Ian’s face, which was both hot and flattering and a little awkward too. “I like that it’s pretty chill, or at least it is when it’s not Pride. Crowd’s a little more mature, you know?”

“Right,” Ian nodded. “I like that too.”

“That’s good to hear,” the guy said, all inviting smile and warm eyes. “A lot of guys your age would be at Encounters, or the Palm.”

“Yeah, I’ve tried that,” Ian said, wrinkling his nose a little. “Not really my scene, I guess.”

“Amen to that,” the guy said with a good-natured chuckle, sticking out his hand. “I’m Troy.”

“Ian,” he said, putting his own hand out reflexively. The guy had a nice grip, strong but not like he was trying to prove it, firm and warm and solid. Troy held it a little longer than most regular guys would, but that was alright by him. They weren’t most regular guys, after all.

“I’m glad to meet you, Ian,” Troy said. “And glad us grown-up guys are more your scene,” he added, nodding his head at the room full of men behind them, his gaze never leaving Ian’s.

“Nothing wrong with that, right?” Ian said with a quiet little chuckle, blushing a little more, feeling real seen right now. He broke the gaze to look at the crowd, all the guys who had at least ten years on him, some quite a lot more, and even in this weird, charged little moment on this unpredictable evening, he knew how right it was. What he felt, and thought about, and was looking for, in his halting, training-wheels kind of way. All these guys with their aura of maturity, and experience, and strength, and how he’d always kind of gravitated to that. Guys like his Dad, and it wasn’t the first or even the hundredth time he’d recognized that, but it still stoked that weird little spark deep down inside him just the same.

Then he spotted the man himself, his father halfway back from the bathrooms, some guy leaning in close to talk to him over the music, Dan’s ballcapped head tilted low to hear him, nothing but his stubbled jaw and his grin visible. It was a weird jolt, being where they were and knowing just what the guy was hoping for in talking to his Dad. His fucking Dad, here in the gay bar with him, getting hit on by some dude. Unfuckinbelievable.

“Not a thing,” Troy said, and Ian returned his attention to him, feeling that yearning sense of possibility again, but already resigned to it not being his night. Not for this. Which sucked, because he really liked what he saw. Troy was nicely built, like most of the guys in here, with a fitted T-shirt that accentuated his shoulders and arms and pecs. Solid more than cut, which had always been Ian’s thing, and even more so the older he got. “We all gotta start out someplace… why not with a guy who’s already been there, right?”

“That’s a great way to put it, man,” Ian said, and just then the hunky bro bartender set the pair of drinks down in front of him for him and Dan. Troy looked at the two glasses, then back to him, and Ian felt immediately bad, like he’d let the guy down.

“So I’m guessing you’re not psychic, and you didn’t order one of those for me…” Troy said, and he was still smiling and his gaze was still warm, but Ian was mature enough to see he was disappointed too, and he felt like five kinds of an asshole.

“Yeah, I wish that was the case,” Ian said ruefully, and just then Dan finally broke through the growing crowd of men to rejoin him.

“Oh nice,” he said, picking up his drink and clapping Ian’s shoulder warmly. “You read my mind, bud.”

Ian saw and felt Troy pull back just a little bit, and he wanted to rush forward with an explanation to fill the space again, but shit, how to explain being in a gay bar with your own father on Pride? And on Daddy Night, no less?

“Well, you make a handsome couple,” Troy said with a rueful smile, and it looked like he was going to step fully away and leave them to it, but Dan laughed and stuck out his hand.

“Well thank you, not so bad yourself,” he said, and Ian knew he was just being all jocular and half-drunk and whatever, but still… fuck. “I’m Dan, and this is my boy Ian.”

Troy looked a little taken aback, but amused too, as he shook Dan’s hand. “Pleasure to meet you both. I was just saying to Ian it’s nice to meet a young guy who appreciates more mature company.”

“You know, I was just thinking how seasoned the crowd is here tonight,” Dan said, relinquishing Troy’s hand and dropping his big arm round Ian’s shoulders. “But I guess that goes with the territory when it’s Daddy Night, am I right?”

Troy laughed, and Ian kind of wanted to die, and this night was probably never going to end.

“S’alright,” Dan went on, giving Ian’s shoulders a warm squeeze. “He’s always been a little more mature than most guys his age anyways. Makes him good company.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Troy said, giving Ian that interested look once again. Another guy disarmed by Dan’s easygoing manly charm, but hell, it still worked on Ian too. God, what a fucked-up time this was, but he’d hopefully be laughing ruefully about it by this time tomorrow.

“So, are you gonna toss your hat in the ring?” Troy asked. “The contest,” he said to Dan’s confused look, nodding at the banner over the DJ booth by the dancefloor. Ian hadn’t really looked at it, beyond the big bold DADDY NIGHT! part, because that on its own had been enough to make him a little anxious about all this. Sure enough, below that it said “Daddy of the Night Competition! Shake What Your Daddy Gave Ya @9PM!!!”

“Oh Christ,” Ian muttered, and Dan laughed out loud, and Troy just grinned at them both.

“What, you think I don’t got what it takes?” Dan asked him, giving his shoulders another squeeze.

“Oh you definitely do,” Troy said, giving Dan an appraising, approving look that made Ian all antsy inside again. He couldn’t tell if it was a good or a bad feeling.

“Fuck yeah, go for it, man,” chimed in the hunky bro bartender, who’d reappeared to pick up empties and wipe down the bar beside them. “Grand prize is a hundred bucks and your bar tab, and a T-shirt too.”

“Hell, I’ve done worse for less,” Dan grinned, and Ian just stared at him. “Boys at the gym might get a kick out of the shirt, too.”

“Ah fuck,” Ian muttered, and Dan ruffled his hair with a big troublemaking kind of grin.

“All part of the adventure, right buddy?” he said, and that just made Ian think even more about that night at the beach, and his father’s invitation to have an adventure that led to them getting off together, and now his cock was starting to threaten his shorts again. “Screw it, I’m in. Guess we’d better have another round. And I think shots are in order this time, what do you guys say?”

Ian didn’t have a chance to decline, and a couple minutes later the hunky bartender had lined up four shots of Jamesons, including one for himself and Troy at Dan’s insistence, and now it was too late to say no. 

“Here’s to adventure,” Dan said, voice booming cheerfully enough to make heads turn in their direction. “And to a happy Pride, boys!” A little cheer went up from the guys clustered around them, and they all drank to that, even Ian. He still felt deeply conflicted about all this, but underneath that, there was an undeniable happiness to have his father be part of his world like this, and to have him embracing his son and his life as warmly and openly as he always did. That alone was worth celebrating, and it was going a long way to making him more relaxed about everything else too.

Still, he was all full of a weird mix of nerves and embarrassment and awkwardness when the competition started, overlaid with the warm buzz of the drinks, and even more so when Dan’s name was called and his father made his way to the stage. A cheer and a whole lot of wolf-whistles went up as Dan did a slow turn, big arms raised, that charmingly sexy grin of his in full effect beneath the rolled brim of his ballcap as he showed off a little for the crowd. Maybe it was the drinks loosening him up, and maybe it was the distancing effect of being in the back of a crowded gay bar, watching his father display himself for a bunch of thirsty dudes, but Ian found himself taking in the sight of his father like one of them, too. Not just as a son, but as a man, examining his father like he was just another of the hunky older guys in here. In a room where nobody but them knew they were father and son, where everybody was checking everyone else out, he felt truly free to do the same, and the hot, taboo thrill of it just made him want to do it even more. 

The DJ cued up “Whatta Man” by Salt-N-Pepa, and Dan started to move his hips playfully to the music. He’d always been a capable enough dancer, with decent natural rhythm and an easy willingness to just go with it and have fun. The crowd sure seemed to approve, whooping and whistling and cheering him on as Dan hammed it up a little, flexing his biceps, playfully undoing the last button of his polo, turning around to shake his handsome ass, and it just seemed to spur him on even more. Ian felt that old familiar secret hunger inside him, building up strong and steadily, watching Dan tease up the bottom of his shirt and run his hand through the fur on his tight, solid stomach, even flirting with the button on his shorts.

That image, Dan’s fingers toying with his shorts button, brought on some serious déjà vu out of nowhere, and Ian felt a wave of heat inside. The second-last night of the trip to Corolla, the two of them on the deck, another bottle of Sailor Jerry on the table between their loungers, three drinks deep under the moonlight again. His father’s girlfriend had already left, claiming she had to get back to work, and Ian was pretty sure he wouldn’t be seeing her again. Seemed like Dan wouldn’t be either, but he didn’t seem too broken up by it, more reflective than anything.

“Glad you and me got to have this time,” Dan said, reaching across to squeeze Ian’s shoulder, and it wasn’t just the liquor that had Ian feeling all warm inside. 

“Me too, Dad,” Ian said. “I really enjoyed it. I’m sorry your friend…” he started to say, but Dan just waved him off.

“Nah, don’t worry about that,” Dan said. “Sometimes people in your life come and go, that’s all. One of the things you’ll find out, but it’s all good. Part of growing up, y’know?”

Ian nodded at that, and felt something welling up inside of him. Something he’d been wanting to say to his father for a while, to tell him about himself. But now didn’t feel exactly like the right time to come out to him, either.

“You and me, though,” Dan went on. “I’m always here for you, you know that, right?”

“Yeah, Dad,” Ian said, feeling his eyes prickle a little bit, but in a good way. This time it was him reaching out to squeeze Dan’s shoulder, and the way his father smiled at him made him feel like a million bucks. “I’m always here for you too, no matter what.”

Dan reached up with his free hand and squeezed Ian’s on his shoulder.

“Even when I do crazy shit, like the other night?” he chuckled, and Ian felt his cock tingle in his shorts at the memory of the beach, the two of them, cocks in hand, stroking off side by side. How hot and ballsy and exciting it was, of course. But how weirdly close it had made him feel to his father, too. In its own strange way, an acknowledgment of the man his father saw him as, now.

“Even then, you perv,” Ian laughed, and Dan laughed with him, nice and loud and genuine. “It was fun, though.”

“Was, wasn’t it?” Dan said, a gleam in his eye as he grinned at his son, and Ian felt that tingle in his loins solidifying. “Sometimes a guy just needs to let off a little steam, y’know?”

They both sipped their drinks, and Ian caught the way Dan’s hand dropped to his lap and squeezed. He couldn’t help the surge in his underwear, or the blush on his face, or what he said next.

“You feelin’ steamy over there again?” he said, blushing even harder at his own boldness. Dan just chuckled quietly.

“Maybe so,” he said after a moment, and Ian’s pulse started to move quicker. “What about you, bud?”

“Uh, you know,” Ian shrugged, nerves rising along with his hardon now. “More often than not.”

“Yeah, I bet,” Dan said. “You take after your old man, after all.”

“Do I?” Ian said, impressed with how casual he sounded, because he sure didn’t feel it. But maybe that was part of being his father’s son, knowing what to say instinctively, and when.

“More than you think, I bet,” Dan grinned, fixing him with a direct, but easygoing look.

“Guess you’re probably gonna go for a midnight stroll on the beach,” Ian said after a minute, shifting one leg to half-hide the growing mound in his shorts.

“I might,” Dan said, and even looking carefully straight ahead, Ian could feel his father’s gaze on him, like he could feel the increasingly loaded air between them. “But I’m pretty comfy right here, too.”

Ian swallowed hard, and nodded, and now he was reaching down to adjust himself too.

“No reason not to be,” he said. “Just us guys, right?”

“Exactly,” Dan said, voice low and deep. “Just us men, son.”

Fuck, his father had to know what he was doing here, and he didn’t seem at all inclined to stop it. Ian didn’t really want him to, either. He’d been thinking about the other night ever since it had happened, and when you laid that over the top of all the deep, secret things he’d been thinking about his good-looking stud of a father these past several years… yeah, it was hard to want to stop him, or what it felt like was about to happen.

Dan stood up slowly from his lounger, and Ian saw the size and shape of the mound in the man’s shorts, big and prominent, from the corner of his eye as his father opened the patio door, leaned in, and flicked off the lights inside the house. Now it was just the light from the stars and the moon overhead, almost full tonight, and the low, soft glow from the hot tub. But enough to see by, as Dan stepped back to his lounger, poured another slug of rum in his glass, and looked at him. A long, slow look, Ian feeling it all through his body as he tried to relax, just be easy, just go with the flow like his father did so well.

“I’m game if you are, bud,” Dan finally said, and Ian made himself look up at the man, and nodded.

“Yeah,” he said, his voice thick in his throat. “Yeah, I’m game.”

Dan grinned, and squeezed his shoulder again, his hand lingering a moment before he stepped back over to his lounger and set his drink down. Ian half-watched his father’s hand reaching for the button of his cargo shorts, slowly undoing them, and without even thinking about it, Ian was reaching for the drawstring of his gym shorts too.

He couldn’t not think about that now, watching his father up on the dancefloor of the End Zone, flirting with the button of his shorts, wriggling his hips sexily to the groove of the music. A bunch of horny men cheering him on as he worked his polo shirt up his torso, looking powerful and solid and manly as fuck, teasing his audience like a pro.

“Damn, your guy’s fine,” Troy said admiringly beside him, and it gave Ian a weird, hot little thrill not to correct him. 

Not my man, my Dad, he thought, feeling his cock growing, as he nodded in agreement. And it was funny, he’d think later, how he didn’t correct Troy then. Funny, but in the moment, it felt right too.

“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, he really is,” and then they both watched as Dan somehow worked his shirt over his head and off without disturbing his ballcap, his whole muscled, furred torso on display now, and reached teasingly for the button of his shorts.

“Get it, Daddy!” some guy shouted, and Dan just smiled wider. The DJ was clearly thinking quick and reading the room, because he dropped the audio on “Whattaman” and the brassy opening horns of “You Can Leave Your Hat On” kicked in, and the crowd of men sent up an even louder roar, as Dan shot the DJ a shit-eating grin. He was really playing to the crowd now, enjoying himself, and Ian found himself wishing he’d known his father when the man was his age, a big, young adventurous sailor with a wild streak. 

Still, the wild streak apparently hadn’t gone anywhere, and Ian sucked in a sharp breath as he watched his father run a hand teasingly over the front of his shorts and the ample package beneath, the other still flirting with the button… and holy fuck, it wasn’t just a trick of the light. His father was starting to throw hard.

“Go Dan!” Troy cheered beside him, pumping his fist, and Ian just swallowed hard, unable to tear his eyes away as his father undid the button. Just like he’d done on the deck at the beach that night, the night the two of them sprawled out in their loungers, practically naked under the stars, and worked themselves slowly to another big, healthy side-by-side pair of loads.

“Aw fuck,” Ian muttered to himself, and watched as his father rotated his hips like a real stripper, then let his cargo shorts drop slowly down his long, strong, hairy thighs to the floor, the crowd of men roaring their approval. 

Ian hadn’t seen his father stripped down like this in a long time, and the man still had it all going on, still big and fit and powerful, threads of grey in his handsome carpet of chest hair just amplifying his hotness. Not just to Ian’s eyes, either – the dudes were going wild for Dan, stripped down to his New Balances and his old ballcap and a simple pair of white Calvin Klein briefs, one big hand covering the bulge in them as he danced, but at the same time accentuating it too. He knew exactly what he was doing, too, that broad, knowing grin on his face said so, and that sent an even bigger surge through Ian. He could feel himself getting hard in earnest now, all caught up in the heat and the moment and the unexpected power of this crazy night, as he watched his own father put his hands up behind his ballcapped head and grind in a slow, showy circle for the watching men.

A little flurry of bills fluttered through the air and landed at Dan’s feet, and the guys roared louder, especially when Dan turned his back to them and made a show of slowly bending over to pick them up, even arching his back a little, the little patch of fur in the small of his back gleaming in the light, the twin boxy, muscular halves of his ass straining the white cotton of his briefs tight. Dan grinned over his shoulder at the audience, the bill of his ballcap covering his eyes but his smile saying it all, sexy and knowing and playful all at once. Ian’s mother had sometimes alluded to Dan’s wild young Navy days back when they’d first met, and if ever he’d doubted that intriguing untold past, Ian sure believed it now. He was suddenly hungry to hear more about that, to pour them a couple of drinks and listen to his father tell him stories from back in his wild young days.

Right now, though, Dan’s wild streak was on full display, in real time, scooping up the scattered bills from the floor and slowly pushing upright again, back still to the audience, grinning over his shoulder at them as he rolled his hips and slowly turned around. He slid one hand down over his chest as the brassy music blared, rubbing the cash over his firm, mature frame, down over the solid tightness of his core, then slid the bills into his underwear where they rode low on his hip. Then Dan looked up, over the heads of the men clustered in front of him, and right at Ian. 

Ian grunted to himself, feeling like he’d been socked in the guts. He could see the gleam of Dan’s eyes as they locked on his, and then the subtle way his wide grin quirked up at one side, just for him. It was a look he remembered well, from those nights at the beach when he was 18, and from his memories and fantasies ever since. It was a look that said they weren’t done yet, that there was still more to go, more adventuring to do, if Ian was game. If he was ready. Without even thinking about it, Ian’s hand grazed the pulsing bulge in his shorts, and found himself subtly nodding back at his father, thrilling inside when the man gave him a subtle nod back. They’d always understood each other, but tonight, Ian really felt that connection between them, how alike they both were at their core. Tonight felt like Dan giving him permission to be himself, not to care what anyone else thought, just to live his life and enjoy the possibilities that lay ahead of him as a young man in a new city. To embrace all the adventures that might come his way, and make some for himself too.

Dan looked back at the men before him and ran his hand over the bulge in his briefs, and yeah, he was growing right before their eyes, casting that big, impressive shape in his Calvins that Ian still remembered crystal-clear from the beach. Dan teased his hand back and forth over his cockbulge as the men roared their approval, grinning easily as he did, playful and flirty and sexy as fuck. More bills were tossed at him, but he ignored them this time, looking back up to find Ian’s eyes again, and Ian’s eyes were torn between his father’s direct, intense but somehow warm gaze, and the shift of his big hands as he tucked his thumbs into the waistband of his briefs, right as the song started to reach its crescendo.

“Oh damn,” Troy laughed beside him, then let out a big cheer, more of them ringing out as Dan shifted his hips and inched the waistband down, exposing the fullness of his bush and the root of his hard cock, stretching across his hip. Dan looked around at the men before him with his sexy grin, working the room like a pro, and then back at Ian again. Ian gasped a little as his father inched his undies down a little bit more, baring more of himself, a good few thick, hard inches of his cock, the audience roaring loud enough to make Ian’s ears ring. Dan held Ian’s gaze the whole time, and it was like the whole room fell away for a second, leaving just the two of them as his father flirted his briefs down to show off his handsome endowment. Ian swallowed hard, and when Dan subtly nodded at him again, he found himself almost numbly nodding back.

Then the spell was broken, as Dan eased his briefs more or less back up in place and grinned around at the crowd of men tossing stray bills and enthusiastic cheers at him, hands out at his sides. He rolled his hips through the final bars of the song and then popped a double bis flex that made Ian grunt with desire, and he faintly heard Troy beside him murmur in agreement as they both watched the powerful bulge of his father’s flexed biceps. The DJ faded the track out and brought up his mic. “Daddies and gentlemen, give it up for Dan the Man!”

Dan took a little bow, then picked up his shorts and stepped into them as the audience clapped and cheered.

“I think it’s safe to say Dan took the cake tonight, fellas,” the DJ said. “And even if he doesn’t win...” – and here a bunch of boos went up from the crowd – “...I’m pretty sure he’ll be taking somebody’s cakes tonight…”

More whistles and a few stray shouts of “Pick me!” went up. Dan just laughed as he hiked his cargo shorts up over his ass, then scooped up the rest of the stray bills on the floor and stuffed a few of them into the empty highball glass sitting on the DJ’s booth.

“I wonder who the lucky fella will be,” Troy said beside him, giving him a meaningful grin, and Ian just blushed and drank his drink and tried not to let his imagination get too vivid. Later, maybe. Probably definitely. But not right now.

It took a while for Dan to get back to them, still shirtless, his polo clutched in one hand, the other holding his shorts up, the top button still undone. There was a lot of white Calvins bulge still on display, framed at the top of his half-done-up zipper, and Ian was sure more than a few hands had reached on in there and kept it nice and full as Dan worked his way back over. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to feel about that; a little bit amused, a little bit in disbelief that his own father had done all this tonight, more than a little stirred by the notion of those men brazenly reaching in to fondle his Dad’s big firm cock. And yeah, just a little bit jealous, even. Not of his father, because Dan seemed to be having the time of his life, and Ian loved to see him happy and know he’d helped make him that way. But a little jealous of those men who’d stepped up and gotten themselves a feel of his Dad. It was wrong and fucked-up, but it would be even more wrong not to admit it to himself, and figure out what to do with it.

Ian tried not to look his father up and down, at the fur clinging slightly to his big sweaty pecs, or matted down over the slight curve of his belly, thickening out in a spread that tumbled over the waistband of his CKs. All that, and the swell of white fabric beneath. Troy, on the other hand, enjoyed a good long look, Dan just grinning confidently as he tugged the zipper up and fastened the button, and not hurrying with it either.

“Well that seemed to go alright,” Dan said, plunking the rest of the cash from the floor down on the bar. “Hunter, my friend, that’s for taking care of us tonight. Let’s talk about another drink.”

Of course he’d found out the bartender’s name, because that was one of the things Dan was good at, and in spite of all the charged-up, conflicting feelings Ian was having, he had to roll his eyes good-naturedly at that.

“Pick something from the top shelf, on the house,” Hunter said, sticking his fist out over the bar, Dan meeting it with his own like they were best buds. “I think you’ve earned it.”

“Well in that case, you got any Sailor Jerry?” Dan said, turning to give Ian a grin that vibed all the way down into his core. “Because I think that sounds like just the right thing right now, don’t you, bud?”

Goddamn, there never had been any doubt, but his Dad sure knew what he was doing, and the longer the evening went on like this, the more Ian was starting to feel like he did too.

“I was gonna say don’t give up your day job,” Ian joked. “But you seemed to have a pretty good handle on things up there.” Dan shot him a big grin, and there was a definite spark in his eye. He dug inside his shorts again and brought out the first wad of cash he’d picked up.

“Are you kidding? I made fuckin’ bank up there,” Dan said proudly, riffing quickly through the bills and getting them straightened out.

“Shit, that’s gotta be a good couple hundred bucks,” Ian said with real surprise. Dan nodded proudly, and took one of Ian’s hands and pressed the folded wad of bills into it. It was warm and slightly damp from the sweat of Dan’s skin, where it had been tucked inside the hip of his briefs while he showed himself off up there, and Ian had to stifle a little grunt at that.

“I told you I wanted to buy you a new couch for your new place,” Dan grinned. “That should get us started nicely, don’t you think?” Ian just laughed and slid the warm fold of cash into his front pocket, and he swore he could still feel Dan’s body heat on it, glowing through the fabric of his underwear, feeling his own flesh responding to it too.

Hunter served up the drinks, and Dan passed them around. Troy looked surprised, but raised his glass with a grin. “I feel like I should be buying you a drink for that performance you just gave,” he said, and the way he looked at Dan, just like he’d looked at him, made Ian’s insides all hot, curious and amused and protective and a little jealous all at once.

“Hell, I’m pretty confident that performance just won me first prize,” Dan said with a proud tilt to his chin, slinging his arm easily round Ian’s neck as he lifted his own glass. “Which means I ain’t paying for these anyway.”

The two men laughed uproariously at that and clinked their glasses together, and then they both looked at Ian, and he was damned if he could see much of a difference in the way his father was looking at him right now, and the openly interested and available way Troy was. 

“Looks like I can’t buy either of you a drink, then,” Troy said to him, his gaze warm and level. “That’s a shame.” He sipped on his drink, his eyes on Ian’s the whole time, and Ian felt himself blush.

“You mean to tell me this nice gentleman offered to buy you a drink, and you declined?” Dan said to Ian with a big half-buzzed grin, and the direct aim of his playful charm, along with the dense, familiar musk emanating from his pit and swirling all around Ian’s head like a fog suddenly had his balls aching. “Well that’s not gonna get you very far, is it buddy?”

Ian blushed even harder at that, because the last thing he needed right now was his father trying to pull strings in his love life. But the man knew him better than anyone, and he’d always known Ian benefited from a little nudge from time to time. And yeah, any other night, Ian would have taken that drink, and let Troy show him what kind of adventure awaited. But tonight was not that night, no way in hell.

Troy gave Dan an interested and curious look, then Ian, grinning almost to himself again. “Maybe I’ll get another chance sometime,” he said, and Ian found himself nodding automatically.

“I like your odds,” he said, that bit of Dan’s charm he’d allegedly inherited starting to show its face now, finally. But apparently it did the job, because Troy gave him an even more intent, warm gaze and raised his glass, right as Dan gave him an encouraging squeeze. And at last, between that and the drinks and the sudden crazy way their whole day had shifted with the night, it all finally clicked together the right way for Ian, and he decided to just go with the flow and see where it led them.

To be continued...

[jazy3]

Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 17X9

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

I loved this episode! The writing was excellent, the cinematography was phenomenal, the acting was great, and the sets and costumes were gorgeous! They did some very interesting shots. It was very avant-garde and when done right I love that kind of thing. Also, we got to see Meredith back in action as she wandered around Teddy's dreamscape and talked to her which I loved. They took a risk with this episode and I think it paid off.

This episode was really beautiful in terms of the sets and costumes that we’re used. I loved Meredith’s jacket, the blue wedding dress that Teddy wears is gorgeous, and I loved her silk pyjama set and robe. Very fierce. I love that they recreated Teddy’s apartment in Germany and dressed it up for the wedding. That set was really cool! The flower arrangements were interesting, and the disco balls were a nice touch. I loved the hotel set where Tom and Teddy run away to. It was very flowy and surreal. Teddy’s bedroom in New York was also well done. The wicker bedframe made it feel particularly true to the era.

This episode made me feel like I have a better understanding of where Teddy is coming from now and it made her a lot more sympathetic and understandable than in the past. I’ve been open about the fact that I’ve found Teddy’s motivations and point of view difficult to understand this season. She spent the first half of the season treating Tom horribly for no discernable reason. She’s been cruel to Owen after finally getting what she wanted all these years and I repeatedly found myself wondering what she expected to have happen after she acted the way that she did.

I didn’t think it was possible for me to like Teddy after the way she’s been acting all season and the careless way she’s been treating other people, but this episode made me understand her a lot more and actually have sympathy for her. What this episode addressed in a big way is that Teddy has never gotten treatment or really dealt with the trauma that she has experienced in the way that other characters have.

Owen, Teddy, Megan, Riggs, April, and Parker all served in the military and experienced trauma as a result. But Teddy has never gotten treatment or any kind of help for what happened to her. We’ve seen Owen go through therapy for his PTSD and other issues multiple times across the seasons. We saw Megan receive treatment and she talks to Owen about the fact that both her and Riggs go to individual and couples’ therapy weekly to deal with their trauma and issues.

While we don’t see April go to therapy we do see her work through the trauma of having served, losing her son Samuel, losing her marriage, and we see her go through a crises of faith later on. We see her process those emotions and get help from those around her. Last we see of resident Casey Parker, Teddy and Amelia are admitting him for treatment and he’s reported to be doing better. We never see Teddy do any of that. We see her go to a grief group after Henry dies, but that’s it. As Amelia says to Owen in this episode, they have both openly acknowledged and received treatment for their illnesses and issues. Teddy never has and clearly that's been affecting her more than any of them, including Teddy, realized. This episode addressed the long standing issues that Teddy has and I’d like to see her get therapy going forward. Through Teddy’s dreams we find out that she blames herself for Allison’s death because she wanted to stay in and make her pancakes for breakfast, but Teddy said no.

Allison wound up going to the restaurant Windows on the World for breakfast and then to work at the World Trade Centre and Teddy grabbed something quickly and then went into work at the hospital. Teddy feels that if she had just said yes to breakfast and to Allison making her pancakes or if they’d both called into work and taken the day off that Allison wouldn’t have died, but as this episode makes clear Teddy couldn’t have known what was going to happen. And having breakfast with Allison may not have saved her life. She could have been somewhere nearby the day of the attack and suffered smoke inhalation or been hit by debris.

Or she could have randomly been hit by a car walking down the street. You just don't know what’s going to happen. But nevertheless, Teddy blames herself. In her flashbacks we see Teddy learn of her mother’s sudden and unexpected death at the age of 50. We learn that Teddy’s father was sick for years before he died that same year. That Allison carried her through that and that’s how they fell in love.

So, when Allison died in a horrific unexplainable terrorist attack that same year Teddy was gutted and so she ran away and joined the military in order to try and help the people who were trying to get the people who killed Allison. While serving in Iraq she fell in love with someone who was engaged and when she was discharged and they reconnected she found out he felt the same way but was with someone else who he later married.

So, she moved on and fell in love with someone else who promptly died. Owen then fired her so she would take her dream job at MedCom in Germany and when they reconnected once again, she found him married to someone else. He flew all the way to Germany to see her and she finally thought they were going to have their moment only to discover that he’d been sleeping with Amelia the night before. She kicked him out only to realize afterwards that she was pregnant.

She once again returned to Seattle only to find out that Owen and Amelia had gotten back together and had kids. So, she started over and began a relationship with Tom only for Owen to once again declare his love for her at the worst possible moment. They got back together and she thought she was happy, but the moment she realized that Amelia’s baby might be Owen’s she panicked and ran back to Tom.

Only to discover that the baby was Link’s and that she just blew her life up for no reason. She couldn’t admit to what she’d done because all of that is tied to her previous trauma that she still hasn’t dealt with. She couldn’t face Tom because she didn’t know how to explain her actions. She couldn’t tell Owen because she still doesn’t understand why did what she did and all of that is wrapped up in those past events that she still hasn’t come to terms with. Then Owen can’t forgive her because that lie makes him feel like everything about their relationship has been a lie.

As for the show choosing to introduce and explore Teddy’s deep love for Allison this late into Teddy's tenure I'm of two minds. On the one hand, I wish they had introduced or hinted at Teddy being bisexual or being in love with Allison earlier on in the series as it would have made more sense and been less of a shock. On the other hand, I've really enjoyed seeing the show explore this storyline more and dive deep into what trauma does to people and how the devastation of losing someone in a tragic incident such as 9/11 can make you close off parts of yourself. The actress who plays Allison, Sherri Saum, does a fantastic job and her and Kim Raver, who plays Teddy, have great chemistry. I found their scenes particularly moving.

As for Owen’s behaviour in this episode, while I understand why Owen was upset, I felt it was hypocritical of him to be so mad at Teddy for not telling him that her and Allison were lovers when he got involved with and married both Cristina and Amelia without telling them that Teddy existed. They both found out after or around the time they got married to him that he was in love with Teddy when she showed up in Seattle. What Teddy did was awful, but Owen's no saint. He's done just as bad and worse. I think it's time for him to let go of his animosity toward her and forgive her. I'm also just really sick of watching them fight all the time. No thank you.

As Amelia says to Owen in this episode, forgiving her doesn't mean that they get back together. It can simply mean that he chooses to let go of his angry and work through his emotions so that they can be friends and co-parent together as he and Amelia have done. I thought Amelia was great in this episode. We saw her step up and advocate for Teddy and counsel Owen even though she didn’t have to.

She told Owen what he needed to hear knowing he was likely to listen to her more than others. She supported Teddy and advocated for her even though she didn't have to because that's who Amelia is and she wants Teddy to experience the same sanity and peace that she's attained now that she's had her brain tumour removed and has her addiction under control. Plus, I think she genuinely wants Owen to be happy and for the kids that they are all raising together to be happy. Happy parents make for happy children. She wants that for them.

Amelia has grown so so much in the past few seasons. She’s gone from someone who was mentally unstable and out of control to the point that she refused help for what were clearly serious issues for literal years and then treated Meredith horribly after Derek’s death and made everything about her and whined and complained when Owen and Meredith pointed out that she wasn’t the only one who missed Derek and that Meredith did not have the luxury of falling apart because she had three small children who need her to someone who is sane and stable and has her addiction under control to the point that she is able to advocate and help others and is able to support Meredith and look after her kids with kindness and compassion.

I loved the Beth and Cristina mentions in this episode and all of the flashbacks especially the early one to when Teddy first shows up and we the audience learn that her and Owen have been in love forever, but he's with Cristina and before that he was engaged to Beth. In this episode we saw Meredith and DeLuca accompany and guide Teddy throughout her dreamscapes which I thought worked really well.

I loved seeing Meredith up and about and talking to Teddy and guiding her through her trauma and her response to it. Meredith is Teddy's patient, she wants her to live, and because Cristina and Amelia are her sisters and she's known Owen by extension for a long time she has information that's useful to Teddy so I thought that made sense. I particularly loved the field of bodies scene in the snow where Teddy is blaming herself for Allison, Henry, and DeLuca’s death and Meredith’s tells her there’s nothing she could have done.

Then at the end Meredith says to her, “Come on let’s leave this place.” And Teddy looks at her and says, “Please don’t die.” And Meredith says, “I’ll try.” I thought was funny and also very poignant. DeLuca helping to guide her made sense to me in that he was someone she worked with closely during the pandemic and who died on her table. She desperately wanted to turn back time and save him the same way she wanted to save Allison, her parents, and Henry.

While I’ve never been a DeLuca fan, I genuinely thought his scenes in this episode were funny and the actor had good comedic timing. The road trip with Tom and DeLuca was hilarious. It makes me wonder what the character could have been if they gone with a more comedic route. What would have happened if in Season 15 instead of pivoting and going in a completely differently direction they had stayed the course and after getting his mojo back had him continue to pursue Neurosurgery as a speciality, had Amelia continue to mentor him, and given him more comedic dialogue.

I think that really could have worked well because from Seasons 12 to 14 DeLuca worked well as a side character and in a supporting role. I didn’t have a particularly strong opinion on the character back then and I only started to hate him as a character in Season 15 when they turned him into a complete asshole who was rude and disrespectful to everybody for no good reason. Presumably out of fondness for the actor they decided to give him a bigger role in Season 15 and made the choice to pivot from him having a supporting role to a romantic storyline and then a dramatic one.

Which was a real shame because it took DeLuca from being a decent side character that most fans either liked or were neutral on to being a real asshole that most fans hated and couldn’t stand. The reality is that character and that actor just didn’t work in a romantic storyline with the main character and his mental health storyline did not come across as intended. I think that’s because the actor and character were best suited to a supporting or comedic role and just didn’t work as a romantic lead or in a dramatic storyline.

My favourite scene of the episode was when Tom and Teddy were in the hotel room and the grenade suddenly appeared and then it went off! I didn't expect it to actually go off and blow up Tom! That shocked me and made for an interesting transition. I really liked seeing more of Tom in this episode. He’s a great character and he’s contracting of COVID-19 has really sidelined him recently so I enjoyed seeing him back in action. The actor, Greg Germann, has great comedic timing so that was a treat to see and I loved seeing more of Tom and Teddy together at the hotel room.

Until next time!

[ficforce]

Burns Relationship Alphabet

Two types of F!Reader

A- Activity (What is their favourite activity to do with Y/N.) Quiet Reader: Y/N and the Captain like using their days off to go on trips, it may seem boring but they like to check out the churches on the edges of the Empire, they’re small and charming. Most of them are located outside of towns and often surrounded by green grass. They’re not as grand as company 1’s Cathedral but they’re humble and peaceful. They go for the journey more than anything and to be away from people they know - it makes it easier to be themselves. Loud Reader: Burns is rather generous and he likes to buy things for Y/N, she always tells him she can get it herself but he ignores her and does what he wants. Y/N likes clothing and has far too many outfits, a way around their disagreement on parents is for Leonard to take her out shopping for an outfit he’d like to see her in. It’s Win/Win. B- Beginnings (How do they act in the beginning of a relationship) Quiet Reader: The Captain was adamant he would never have a relationship, he had too many secrets and did far too much of the Church’s dirty work for it to ever be safe to have a partner. So when he met Y/N after a horrific fire that took her home and her roommate, he didn’t think offering her shelter in Company 1 was going to be an issue… But as she came to him for guidance or someone to talk to about losing her faith, he couldn’t help but lower his defences around her. When Y/N made the first move to kiss him, he rejected her as gently as he could. He couldn’t risk putting her in danger or having her be used as bait. She didn’t give up though and Y/N eventually wriggled her way into his arms and heart. She doesn’t mind that their relationship is secret. Loud Reader: Y/N is aware of Leonard’s involvement in the darker side of the church, she’s in the same line of work. She lost her faith a long time ago but defends that people need something to believe in to keep them hopeful, she’s a bit of a hypocrite in church standards. At first, she didn’t like the man at all, she thought he was a pious idiot who happened to be very attractive - a waste of a man. It wasn’t until she saw him completely disregard certain rules in the interest of doing the right thing, he didn’t judge and he didn’t condescend; if he did it was in order to fire someone up to make them stronger. After tha,t she began to talk to him more and at some point, she shoved him into a wall and, despite his meagre protests, had her way with him. They’re rather casual about their relationship but it’s not shared publicly.

C- Communication (Are they good communicators? How do they normally talk about their problems or solve issues)

Quiet Reader: Leonard is an excellent listener, it’s part of his job description as a priest but he’s always been quiet and prefers to hear people out. Y/N knows she can talk to him about anything, his life experience and his kindness make it easy - he never judges her. He’s honest enough to tell her when he thinks she’s wrong and isn’t selfish with the advice he gives her. Y/N is a little sad that he doesn’t talk so openly with her. She knows he’s hiding things and she knows it’s to keep her safe but also because he swore to God that he would keep certain secrets. It can make it hard for him to speak to her when he needs to and even though she gets it, it can get frustrating. Sometimes Captain Burns will simply want to hold her for a while and it helps as much as a conversation can. Loud Reader: They don’t talk about their feelings or problems very often, they both have things they can’t talk about and it’s simply not that kind of relationship. They’re experts at avoiding certain conversations, they understand why the other can’t speak and that causes some tension at times. Leonard and Y/N’s relationship is mostly physical, they’re seeking comfort, not a confidante. D- Drunk (What are they like when they’re drunk) Quiet Reader: She’s not big on drinking, Y/N can handle a half bottle of wine before she’s unsteady on her feet and feels like she’s floating. When she’s drunk she gets a little emotional, whether it’s joy or sadness she usually ends up with someone handing her a tissue. Loud Reader: Y/N likes expensive liqueurs, she had a high metabolism so its hard for her to stay at a contact level of drunk before burning off the effects. She becomes playful at that point and likes to prank people. Once that involved replacing Karim’s pillows with blocks of ice… he wasn’t impressed. Leonard doesn’t drink often and he’s yet to get drunk, he finds that alcohol burns out of his system very quickly because of his ability… It at least allows him to keep an eye on Y/N and her drunken tricks. E- Emergency (How are they in emergency situations? Y/N gets hurt, they get hurt, someone is dying etc..) Quiet Reader: Y/N is terrified of fire, since the incident with her roommate she can’t keep her head when flames are involved. She freezes and is more likely to get herself trapped then out of harms way. If someone is injured or it’s a general emergency, Y/N is very good at helping people and getting them to safety - she’s usually the one calling the emergency services whilst people panic. Burns really worries when he knows there’s a fire incident in her area, he always hopes that the Infernal won’t get that close but he also knows that just the thought of it will scare Y/N. He makes a point to call her before he leaves on a mission to tell her he’s dealing with it. It’s not much but he hopes it puts her at ease. Loud Reader: Some might think she’s heartless but Y/N shows little compassion when someone is hurt and once she knows they won’t make it she tends to leave them behind. It’s not that she doesn’t care, it’s just that she can’t let herself get too emotionally involved. If she lets herself get too close then she’ll struggle to keep control of the situation and others could get hurt. She might seem like a bitch but at least everyone is alive. Leonard knows she can be strict during missions and he knows that she expects him to order her around like anyone else until they’re alone. He knows that outwardly she seems fine but on the inside, she’s having massive anxieties. F- Free Spot (I’ll give you any headcanon I come up with) Quiet Reader: Y/N and the Captain were married in a private ceremony in a church far out of the way, six months later she found out she was pregnant and Leonard bought her a house in the safest part of Tokyo he could find. They have a son. Very few people know about his family and it’s always a good day when he can come home to see them both. Loud Reader:

Y/N runs a convent on the edge of Tokyo, she’s very protective of her girls and every one of them is a second or third generation. It means she’s often busy with helping them learn but she won’t let Haijima take them to their labs to ‘monitor’. There have been times she’s gotten in trouble for physically stopping them but Company 1 are conveniently always on hand to help get her out of a tight spot. G- Gifts (What kind of gifts do they give? What kind of gifts do they get?) Quiet Reader: She gave him a son. It took her nine months of preparation and it was hard work delivering such a precious gift. Y/N can’t often get him gifts because of the secrecy of their relationship and because she’s a full time mother and housekeeper. Burns pays for everything and he makes sure there is money in her account to treat herself and their child. She’ll always make his favourites when he comes home and makes sure he has everything he needs. Loud Reader: She buys him expensive shirts. He gets through them rather fast. Whether it’s the enemy or himself, they always get burnt or torn. Y/N knows his measurements and has them tailor made, another gift she’s fond of giving him is hair ties. Everything has to be fireproofed. Burns is also a giver of clothing, he knows how much she loves clothes and accessories. Her favourite gift from him was an anklet with a little lions head charm. H- Hugs (How do they show affection/cuddle) Quiet Reader: When he comes home, Leonard is very affectionate with Y/N and she still gets giddy every time he holds her. Whether it’s sitting on the sofa with he arm around her whilst she leans into him or simply standing at the entrance way when he’s first gotten in - she gets excited and can’t think. Loud Reader: She’s not afraid to hand off his arm, even in public, and he doesn’t do much about it. He tends to look exasperated with her and people think he’s trying not to be difficult with Y/N but in truth, he likes the feeling of her hand on his bicep. In private he’s more inclined to let her nuzzle into him and mumble about him being too warm. I- Irritation (What is something that irritates them? How do they show their irritation?) Quiet Reader: She’s pretty verbal when it comes to being irritated. Y/N will usually tell someone when they’re being unreasonable and doesn’t back down easily. If it’s something she can’t face head on then she’ll get irritated and go into aggressive cleaning mode. It’s best to leave her alone until she’s calmed down. Loud Reader: On the outside, she’ll look pretty calm even if she’s thinking about different ways to murder her problem. People can usually tell when she’s annoyed because her third gen ability will begin to show and the air around her gets pretty heavy. Again, it’s best to leave her alone. J- Jackpot (How would they spend their winnings if they won the lottery?) Quiet Reader: It would be nice to pay for everything for once and take the pressure off of Burns, Y/N knows their son would love to spend more time with his father so she would hope that there would be a way to go somewhere far away to spend time as a family. That kind of money buys silence and time. The likelihood would be that Leonard would suggest saving it - in case he becomes unable to support them one day… Loud Reader: She’s going to give half of it to her convent and the rest she will use to buy herself out of the dirty dealings of the church. Y/N thinks she’s already worked her debt owed but money talks. K- Kryptonite (What is their ultimate weakness?) Quiet Reader: Fire. Y/N is petrified of it. She can’t breathe or even think coherently near it. Y/N knows that Burns would never hurt her, he has complete control of his ability but even then she struggles to see him when he creates flames. Even candles make her uneasy. Burns is worried she’ll get herself in trouble because of this, she’s unpowered and he knows how fast a person can go up in smoke. Loud Reader: She made the mistake of showing her weakness and now she lives in fear of it being used against her. The

convent she runs is full of girls as young as two and as old as fifteen, they’re vulnerable and Y/N is the only thing keeping them from being used by the church or Haijima. Captain Burns knows she’ll do something stupid in order to protect the convent and he knows it will be hard to choose sides when it happens. L- Laughter (What makes them laugh?) Quiet Reader: She’s not one to carelessly laugh at just anything, Y/N is sweet but still serious at times and Leonard takes great joy in making her laugh. It can be something as simple as bringing her flowers or rubbing his beard against her skin to make her giggle. Loud Reader: Y/N’s the kind of woman who laughs when people fall over. She likes a good joke and she plays harmless tricks on people. Burns thinks it’s a little childish but somehow finds himself smiling at her antics. M- Morning ( How do they wake up in the morning? Are they a morning person or a morning grouch?) Quiet Reader: Y/N has always been an early riser and is pretty cheery, she enjoys making proper coffee and is especially happy when she can cook for several people. The only time she sleeps in a little is when Leonard pulls her close and tells her to stay a little. Loud Reader: She has to get up early most days and go to prayer, she’s so glad she doesn’t have to lead it and can be as dazed as she likes until breakfast. Burns has had to manhandle her out of bed on occasion so they can start the day. N- Needy (When do they feel particularly needy? How do they show it?) Quiet Reader: Because she rarely gets to see Burns and when they’re in a public setting they have to pretend to be friends, Y/N is very needy when they’re together. She feels like she needs to make up for lost time. She lavishes him with attention and he does the same. Loud Reader: The only times he’s ever seen her be needy were when she lost a loved one and when she let herself get too involved in a mission. She broke down each time. The loss of the child at the convent had seen her lock herself away for days until Burns had come to knock the door down. The second he had been within reach she had held onto him like her life depended on it. The second time was when she failed a mission and got her comrades killed, Leonard had rescued her and she had once more clung to him, asking him not to leave her alone. O- Oasis (Where is their happy place? Where would they go if they didn’t have anything holding them back?) Quiet Reader: Captain Burns wishes he could go home to wife and child one day and never have to leave. If he had nothing holding him back then that’s all he would need to be happy for the rest of his life. For now, they enjoy their trips to the countryside. Loud Reader: Y/N loves spending time with her girls at the convent. They’re such a handful and there’s always something to laugh about or celebrate. They get very excited when Captain Burns or Karim or Foien come to visit. Leonard enjoys the visits too and he often hides candy in his coat pockets - if the nuns can get to it before it melts they can have it. (He always brings treats that don’t get melted too) P- Pain (How do they handle pain? How do they handle when Y/N are in pain?) Quiet Reader: She’s a trooper, she barely ever complains about pain and will ignore it until she can’t anymore. She figures that it will just go away but then it gets too much and she wishes she had just taken some painkillers an hour earlier. Burns gets irritated when she gets herself in such a state but will look after her until it passes. Loud Reader: Y/N gets hurt on missions, she’s been hit, stabbed and shot at least once in her life. She’s the type of person who needs to have a scream and a little cry before soldiering on. Burns has patched her up before and she’s done the same for him. Q- Quote (What’s a quote that fits them and your relationship) Quiet Reader: “I hope you find someone you can’t live without. I really do. And I hope you never have to know what it’s like to have to try and live without them.” - Kiera Cass Loud Reader: “I love the

grey area between right and wrong.” - Dan Brown R- Reunion (How do they celebrate seeing Y/N after a long time of being apart) Quiet Reader: Burns is always flattered when Y/N practically slides across the floor in her eagerness to greet him, he takes her into his arms and presses kisses to her face until she forces him to kiss her mouth. They don’t hide the fact that they want each other and if their child isn’t in, they head straight to the bedroom. Y/N has usually prepared his favourite meal for him. Loud Reader: In their younger days they would see each other quite often but when she took control of the convent and Burn’s became Captain it changed. They were both busier, their jobs more legitimate but needing their full attention. When they meet they waste no time in catching up, they don’t always have sex but neither would refuse the other. Sometimes it’s nice to chat about dumb stuff from the past and present. S- Stress (What stresses them out? How do deal with stress and how do they relieve it?) Quiet Reader: She doesn’t tend to get stressed. If she does it’s usually because she’s planned too much for one day and something’s gone drastically wrong. Burns doesn’t usually show when he’s stressed but Y/N senses it when he comes home, he’s tired and she is always intent on helping him forget work for a little while. Loud Reader: When she’s not on a mission she can get quite stressed - it’s difficult getting thirty to forty nuns to behave themselves and not burn the convent down… Thank Sol for alcohol. T- Terror (What are they afraid of?) Quiet Reader: Flames. Her best friend and roommate Spontaneously Combusted and set fire to their home. Y/N was trapped and was just barely rescued by Company 1. She lost everything. Loud Reader: Y/N used to be an Evangelist White Clad, she betrayed them for the Holy Church of Sol and joined their underground operations to pay for her ‘sins’. Later she got out of full time duty and was able to open her convent. There’s always a fear that the Evangelists will seek revenge or that the church will threaten her girls in order to get her back to work. U- Unique (What is a quirk that is unique to them?) Quiet Reader: Y/N is an excellent cook and her neighbours often ask her to bake cakes for parties. Loud Reader: She can do a backflip… it’s not really unique but she’s pretty proud of it. V- Violence (Do they fight a lot? Are they a good fighter? What is their fighting style?) Quiet Reader: Her ability to fight is nil. Y/N has never been in a fight and nor would she ever want to be in one. She’s not a violent person and she doesn’t like witnessing fights either, she doesn’t see why people can’t just talk things out. Loud Reader: She’s an excellent fighter, her speciality is knives and her ability gives her an edge (no pun intended). Y/N’s a bit of a hot head so argues with people mostly. Her fighting ability was honed in order to serve God - Don’t make her have to use it for stupidity. W- Wow (What does Y/N do that really surprises them? What do they do that Y/N really likes?) Quiet Reader: Leonard is always impressed with how dedicated she is when she sets her mind to something. Almost nothing can stop her. Y/N isn’t afraid to admit that Leonard Burns’ entire being leaves her in awe. Loud Reader: Y/N has never seen Leonard be moved once he’s planted himself, no enemy has ever knocked him down and she’s even tried to move him herself. He’s a mountain that cannot be budged. X- (Explicit headcanon. For all you degenerates) Quiet Reader: She likes to bite him. He loves when she climbs over him and teases him with her nails and teeth, considering she’s against violence and is generally sweet natured, it never ceases to excite him. Loud Reader: Y/N isn’t afraid to dominate the Captain, she knows he likes her to take the reigns for a while and it’s hugely rewarding that the Empire’s Lion lets her tame him. And of course, he shows her what she’s dealing with if she gets carried away. Y- Yucky (Is there something that grosses them out so badly

that they can’t deal with it?) Quiet Reader: She’s a mother… there’s not much that makes her cringe anymore. Loud Reader: Y/N hates dealing with body parts. She once went on a mission with 52 and Burns, the young assassin sliced up an enemy and she ended up with a finger falling into her top. It was not appreciated and the little Joker regretted laughing at her as she yelled for Burns to get it out. Z- ZZZ’s (What are their sleeping habits? Both with and without Y/N)

Quiet Reader: She’s early to bed, early to rise. Y/N has to sleep alone most of the time and she sometimes can’t sleep because she’s lonely. When Burns is there she sleeps happily in his arms with her head against his chest. That’s when she’s happiest. Loud Reader: The woman sleeps like the dead. Once she’s asleep she barely moves and her breathing is so shallow, that on the rare times he’s slept in her bed, Leonard thought she was dead and had to check her pulse. She complains that he’s too hot to sleep with in the summer…

[groovinrightalong]

Back again with more!!!

Here is another bonus story for you lovelies from my Rocks Wolves and the Moon AU! This one is set within the og fic, Desperate Times!

Synopsis: Quirin said he’d always be there for his son.

All he’s seemed to do is fail him.

There was a soft crying coming from upstairs.

Quirin looked up from what he’d been doing, glancing toward the ceiling. Immediately, he set aside the letter and stood, hurrying up the stairs. The crying grew louder as he drew closer, until he was outside his bedroom. He opened the door carefully, peering into the room.

The high pitched cries were coming from the bassinet.

Clicking his tongue, he crossed the room, reaching in to collect the wriggling child. The baby settled some in his hold, cries fading into sniffles, and large, sad blue eyes stared up at him.

“Oh, it’s okay,” he cooed, bouncing the two-month old gently. “Papa’s here. Your dad’s got you.” He sat down on the edge of his bed, cradling the boy to his chest. “Where’s your smile, little one?”

The baby wiggled in his grasp, blinking up at him. Quirin brushed his thumb against his soft cheek, running his fingers back through the thick tufts of black hair, and that small patch of blue. The infant leaned into the touch, cooing and wrapping his tiny arms around the man’s hand. His lips quirked up in a gummy smile.

“There’s my happy boy!” Quirin laughed, leaning down to nuzzle the baby’s nose. The child squealed, squeezing his hand. The father pressed a kiss to his forehead, drawing back with a soft smile. “There’s that Varian smile.” His son squirmed some more, excited now that he was in his father’s arms. A chubby hand reached for his chin, brushing against the scruff he’d let grow.

The man sighed, pulling back enough that he could glance about the room. The letter from a few days ago was still on the bedside table, signed in his wife’s friend’s script.

“Dad’s here,” he mumbled, staring sorrowfully at the paper he’d crinkled, after reading over and over again. “Your dad’s right here.” The infant cooed, hand brushing against the fuzzy vest he wore. Quirin’s eyes returned to his son, to his only living family.

He cupped that chubby little face with his free hand, wiping away the remaining tears.

“I’ll always be right here, son,” he whispered. “Your dad’s never gonna leave you. He’ll always be here for you. Always.”

—

The room was dark. It had been a while since anyone had come in or out, the last being the princess’s boyfriend. It had been… hours, and Quirin hadn’t moved a muscle.

How could he leave, when his own son was laid up in an infirmary bed?

The boy looked so small under all those bandages and covers. So gaunt and frail, skin clammy from blood loss. A large bed, and a tiny child.

His baby.

Quirin buried his face in his hands, feeling twice his age. The events of the night weighed heavy on his mind, replaying every time he closed his eyes. His son, his only child… he’d nearly died tonight.

And it was all his fault.

How long had he let this go on? How long had Varian been hurting, and he’d failed to notice? His boy had been a monster- no, a werewolf, for over a month now. How could he have missed the changes in behavior? How could he have ignored all the signs?

How could he have driven his son to such a desperate point as to take on a curse?

What kind of father was that? His fourteen year old son had seen his situation, and he’d seen a solution that no sane person would ever even consider, and he’d decided it was the better option. Fourteen- he was still so young. And if the princess and her friends were to be believed, this was a permanent thing. He’d be stuck with this forever. Fourteen was far too young to make such a life altering decision.

His baby boy was cursed for the rest of his life, and the only one to blame was himself. He’d left Varian on his own for so long that the boy had clung to any out he could find. He’d known, apparently, that there was no backing out of it. He’d known before he agreed.

And he still agreed.

And now look at him. Only hours out of an emergency surgery to remove a crossbow bolt out of his shoulder. His breaths were shallow, hardly audible over the silence of the room. His bangs were stuck to his forehead, greasy with sweat and tears. His shirt was gone, torso nearly covered in bandages. His arms lay limp against the covers, the rest of his body swallowed in them.

The physician didn’t even know where his health would go. They claimed he’d begun to heal around the bolt before it had even been removed. He could be like this for a few mere hours, or days, or even weeks. Because of his… condition, it was unpredictable. None of the staff had ever seen anything like it.

Quirin rubbed at his eyes, staring forlornly at the fragile body in the bed. A large hand reached for the small one, bare for once. Without his apron and those leather gloves, he looked even tinier. He looked breakable. Like all Quirin had to do was touch him, and he’d shatter.

The hand retracted, hovering in the air.

From within the bed, the boy shifted, eyes squeezing tighter. He moaned in his sleep, head falling to the side. Reflexively, Quirin reached to brush the hair out of his eyes.

When he pulled away, bleary blue eyes were staring up at him.

“Dad?” Varian mumbled, squinting. Quirin felt his heart stutter.

“Varian,” he whispered, hand falling to his lap. “Sorry, son. I- I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Daddy,” the boy whimpered, eyes misting over with tears again. Panic struck the large man, immediately leaning over his hurting child. A trembling hand reached up from the covers, and he took it, squeezing gently. The boy choked on a sob, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Shh.” Quirin ran his free hand through his greasy black locks, smoothing them out. “It’s okay. I’m here.”

“I- I’m so sorry,” Varian cried, curling into the hand. “I’m so sorry.”

“No,” Quirin hushed. “No, you don’t need to apologize. Remember? You’re not in any trouble. None of this… none of this was your fault.”

“Yes it is!” His child sobbed, tears dribbling down his pale cheeks. “It is! I- I hurt people! I almost killed people. I’m a- a- a monster.”

“No,” Quirin said a little more sternly, cupping Varian’s face with his free hand. “I know tonight was scary, and we all did things we regret. But listen to me.” He waited a moment, making certain Varian was paying attention. “You are not a monster. You are my son. And- and you are loved. You’re so loved. No one here thinks you’re a monster. The princess and her friends- they’ve done everything they can to make sure you’re okay. They care about you, Varian. I care about you.”

Varian cried out as though his words hurt him, squeezing his dad’s hand. It was shockingly strong, considering his physical state, but Quirin didn’t flinch. The boy dissolved into hysterics, openly sobbing, and he just sat there, hand gripping his son’s tightly.

“I’m the one who should be sorry,” he said softly, rubbing his thumb against the back of the boy’s hand. “This is my fault. It’s all my fault. You’re only a boy, and I’ve left you to fend for yourself for far too long. I’m the one who didn’t trust you with the black rocks. I didn’t listen to you. You… you were only trying to help.” He squeezed his eyes shut, willing away his own tears. “You were only ever trying to help. Everything you’ve ever done, it was with noble intent. You have such a big heart. You’re always trying to help everybody, and I’ve always just cast you aside. Every failed experiment, I should have been there to support you. But all I ever did was criticize you and make you feel unappreciated.”

“I’ve failed you as a father,” he continued, words tumbling out of him. “I swore I’d always be there for you, but I’ve only ever pushed you away. I’ve hurt you so many times, and yet you always come back to me. You’re always right there. Every night, I come home and you have dinner set and ready. Every morning, I wake up and you’ve already cleaned my clothes for me. I’m supposed to take care of you, and you’ve been the one taking care of me. And I’ve never even thanked you.”

“And now- and now I’ve hurt you irreversibly. I made you feel so alone, so desperate, and now you’re- you’re-“ He blinked up at the ceiling, tears welling in his eyes. “And now you’re stuck like this, and it’s all my fault. I’m sorry, son. I’m so, so sorry.” He squeezed his child’s hand, pressing his forehead against the clammy skin.

Another hand rose and patted his head. He blinked, looking back up at the boy. His eyes were still swimming with tears, but there was a small smile on his face. It was a sad one, but it was one nonetheless.

“I-“ Varian inhaled shakily, sinking further into his pillow. “I forgive you, Dad.”

“What?” He asked, voice hoarse and hushed. Varian smiled a little more, squeezing his hand.

“I forgive you,” he repeated. “And I- I’ve never minded, helping you out. I love you.”

“I love you too, son,” Quirin near sobbed, pressing a kiss to the boy’s knuckles. “I love you so much. More than you could ever know.” Varian tried to sit up and hissed, sinking back into the bed. Bottom lip quivering, he reached out with both arms, a longing look in his eyes.

Carefully, Quirin leaned down and embraced his son, cradling him against his chest. He pressed a kiss to the top of his head, feeling the small body shiver against him.

“I’ll- I’ll always be here,” he swore, holding his baby close. “I swear. I’ll never leave you again.”

And this time, he was going to stick to that promise.

[skyblue-ringpops]

A Deep Dive Into Blaine Anderson

I wrote a six page essay analyzing Blaine Anderson.

Click to read it, I would really appreciate if you did. Keep in mind - it’s long. 

I hope you enjoy, and feel free to share your thoughts!

Warning: There will be discussion of neglect, abuse, homophobia, suicide, self harm, eating disorders, and sexual assault.

When we were first introduced to Blaine Anderson, he was made out to seem like Kurt’s mentor, very confident and open to being himself. It wasn’t long before he changed, and many would say that change was for the worse. As many people say, he became whiny, clingy, and, according to many of his critics, annoying. However, it isn’t hard to see that Blaine was struggling mentally, and these issues were never explored further. This essay will not only determine what he was going through, but explain possible causes and effects. 

We first meet Blaine at Dalton Academy, confident, accepting of himself, someone for Kurt to look up to and be guided by. But why does he suddenly change after season two? He isn’t being himself at Dalton, he’s being the way he’s expected to be. The Warblers all seem to have a similar presence that captures the spirit of the academy - formal, wise, confident. That fits the personality of season two Blaine. Why is he acting this way, though? There’s a few possibilities. One, he’s trying to fit in. Everyone else in the academy acts that way, and Blaine doesn’t want to stand out, he wants to fit in, something he wasn’t able to do at his old school. Two, he could have a mentor at the academy that he’s trying to act more like. Blaine is the head Warbler, but he isn’t the authority in the group. That role would likely belong to Wes or David, one of the members of the council. It’s possible that Blaine admired them or was inspired in some way, and tried replicating their behavior. Three, he could have been ashamed of his actual personality or feared nobody would like his true self, and tried hiding it either to fit in, as I said before, or to make Kurt like him. I personally don’t think this is the case since he took off his mask once arriving at McKinley. I think he was likely trying to fit the image of the academy, hoping it would prevent the bullying he faced at his old school. Although Dalton had a zero tolerance policy, he likely faced some trauma, and a simple policy wouldn’t be enough for him.

So, what happened at his old school? Blaine said that he and his openly gay friend were jumped at a Sadie Hawkins dance at their school, leading Blaine to transfer to Dalton. This affected him quite a bit, and it was shown multiple times. While at the prom with Kurt, Blaine seems protective of him at times and isn’t too sure they’ll be safe. The chance of this being his first dance since the Sadie Hawkins is very high, it’s no surprise that he’d be afraid, especially knowing that Kurt had been bullied in the past. After Tina very awkwardly asks Blaine to the Sadie Hawkins dance and gets rejected, she apologizes, thinking he said no because of his past experience. We know he said no because of his crush on Sam, however, I don’t believe that’s the only reason. He knew Sam wouldn’t feel the same way, and he knew Tina would have been willing to go as friends. Even if it wasn’t the main reason for him rejecting her, his trauma likely played a role in it. 

alton Academy was a place of refuge for Blaine. He went there after the bullying, he made friends, he met Kurt, the Warblers were probably the closest thing he had to a family, he almost went back after his very hard breakup in season four. It wouldn’t be hard to believe that Dalton saved his life, which I’ll get more into later. When the academy burns down in season six, it’s clear that he was very affected by it. He’s brought into the auditorium clearly upset, crying, quiet. When explaining what happened, he seems distant, sort of zoned out. Chances are, he watched the academy burn - many agree it is a boarding school so even if it wasn’t during the school day, it’s very likely he was there. But the fire probably happened during the day, it makes sense since there would be something that could have caused it. Even if he didn’t witness the academy burn, he would have seen the results of the fire, even if it was just in pictures. The academy was clearly important to every student, they did what they could to respect it. Blaine has an extra reason to hold it so close, That would almost definitely add to his trauma, especially since it was a place that meant so much to him.

The Warblers were the closest thing Blaine had to a family. What about his parents, what about Cooper? We met Cooper and Pam, and his father was mentioned. However, in a deleted scene, it is confirmed that Blaine’s parents weren’t present in his life, they were too busy with work. Cooper and Blaine didn’t have much of a relationship, due to their age difference. Blaine’s father and Cooper aren’t even at the wedding, although it wasn’t originally his. There was a deleted explanation for Cooper’s absence, he had a callback for an audition. The only explanation for his father’s absence was also deleted - an implication that his parents got a divorce. It’s hard to say the effect this would have on Blaine, it was deleted so we never saw his reaction, and we don’t know if it even affected him much due to their absence. Also, it’s more than likely that Blaine raises himself. In flashbacks, it’s shown that he didn’t have the best childhood. We see Cooper teasing him and not letting him play, and we see him play Operation by himself. Chances are, he raised himself. He probably had nobody to raise him, no role models. We know Blaine didn’t have the best relationship with Cooper, we saw in the episode Big Brother that, although they seemed to make up at the end, Cooper never really supported Blaine and constantly criticized him, and Blaine seemed jealous of the attention Cooper received. These problems have probably always existed, and could even be traced back to their parents, if Cooper got more attention or praise. Their parents were absent for most of Blaine’s childhood, but due to the age difference, we can’t definitively say the same for Cooper. As for their father, he isn’t talked about much, but Blaine does tell Burt that his father used to fix cars with him in an effort to turn him straight. Now, this is only based on what Blaine says, it’s possible that he just assumed this and his father’s intention was simply spending time with his son. However, even if that is the case, there has to be some reason for Blaine to assume this. Whether his father made homophobic comments in the past, reacted badly to Blaine coming out, or explicitly said he had an issue with Blaine’s sexuality and/or wanted to “fix him”, or if his father never actually did anything, and he assumed the worst because of something done by someone else, there has to be some reason for him to think this. His mother does seem to be the better parent, at least she shows up once and he doesn’t have anything bad to say about her. But that doesn’t mean she was all good, and just observing her behaviors at the wedding shows this. First of all, she’s shown dancing with Puck, which must be weird for Blaine. Imagine seeing your recently divorced (although I’m not sure if we can consider the divorce canon since it was deleted, making this situation even worse) dancing with one of your classmates, who’s only a year older than you. This next point isn’t canon, it’s more of a possible scenario. His mother seems to be acting drunk at the wedding, and is one of the only ones to appear that way. Again, not confirmed. But if that is the case, imagine this scenario - Blaine’s mother hardly being present, and drinking when she is. First of all, this would make it much harder for the two to bond, since she probably wouldn’t be focused as much on him. Second, there isn’t much she would be able to do for him, so he wouldn’t have a responsible adult around if he needed one. And third - again, this is entirely speculation - it could potentially have a negative influence on him. While it definitely doesn’t seem Blaine has a dependence on alcohol (it actually seems to be more of the opposite, since he’s apparently drunk after one beer in The First Time), it could have a negative influence on his coping mechanisms, shown when he and Dave Karofsky are explaining their relationship to Kurt, saying they met at Scandals. This may not seem like an issue, but remember, during season six, Blaine was too depressed to do much of anything, to the point of getting kicked out of NYADA, but still chose to hang out in a bar.

Speaking of his relationship with Karofsky, almost everyone agrees that he shouldn’t have dated his ex’s former tormentor, and many criticize him for that. But what was his reason for choosing to date him? There are a few possibilities. First, he could have actually had feelings for him, which I doubt. It isn’t impossible, but he clearly wasn’t over Kurt, and he knew how Karofsky used to treat him, although he changed. It is possible that Blaine was just taking whatever he could get, like after the season four breakup when he was finally able to move on due to a crush on Sam, likely developed out of loneliness. Also, his feelings for Dave quickly disappear when he realizes he has a chance to get Kurt back. Another possibility is that he chose to date Dave to upset Kurt, out of spite possibly, but Blaine doesn’t seem like the type to intentionally hurt someone he loves. He usually tries to take on the role of a protector, so why would he try to hurt Kurt, even if he was upset with him, especially knowing what Dave did in the past? The third reason, which seems the most probable to me, is that Blaine dated Dave because he was seeking pain or abuse. There’s a few reasons why he could have done this. One, it isn’t uncommon for survivors of abuse, which with his father, Blaine might be, to seek out more pain after their abuser has stopped. It’s possible that, if his father was abusive, he did stop sometime around season 6, since Blaine likely doesn’t live at home anymore and if his parents did divorce around this time, he may not see his father anymore. Two, it could have been a form of punishment. If he blamed himself for the breakup, he may think he deserves pain for hurting Kurt. He also could have been seeking pain in order to feel something. He was extremely depressed after the breakup and likely felt numb, and in his mind, pain would be better than that. Finally, he could have been with Dave thinking he couldn’t do any better or didn’t deserve any better. This could be a result of the breakup or his previous insecurities shown in season 5.

Now, let’s take a closer look at his insecurities. Insecurity is something that has been covered quite a bit on the show, but is typically done poorly. In Blaine’s case, his insecurity makes him jealous and many criticize him for that. When Kurt begins a more healthy lifestyle and gets in better shape, rather than being happy for him, Blaine becomes jealous, tries to reverse his progress, and turns to the internet because he doesn’t feel comfortable around Kurt. There are some suggestions that Blaine may be going through something many characters in the show face - the eating disorder that only lasts one episode. There are many implications that he may be binge eating at the beginning of the episode, and even after deciding he wants to get into shape, continues consuming a large amount of calories, seemingly using it as a coping mechanism. However, this issue was completely overlooked, just like many others throughout the show. He also says to Kurt, “One day, you’re gonna wake up and realize that ‘I don’t love him anymore.’” He has the belief throughout the episode that Kurt is better than him, and could do better. However, this isn’t the first time he has a mindset like this. When Kurt texts Chandler, Blaine accuses him of cheating despite doing something similar with Sebastian and seeing no issue with it. When Kurt graduates, Blaine worries that the long-distance relationship won’t work for them, he worries that Kurt will leave him. When Blaine meets Elliot, he confronts him for trying to steal Kurt from him, despite both of them assuring him they are just friends. Kurt hasn’t done anything to make Blaine believe he isn’t loyal or wants to leave him. It seems that Blaine has abandonment issues, which could be traced back to his parents’ absence. This would also explain his clinginess and dependence on Kurt. Even when Kurt isn’t around, he always seems to have one person he latches onto. For example, in seasons four and five, he’s hardly seen without Sam, and even in season six, when he seems to go everywhere with Dave and moves in with him very quickly, and the only times he is without them are usually when he is with Kurt.

Blaine’s anxiety is shown in more ways than just his abandonment issues and clinginess. For example, when Blaine is reconsidering his choice to audition for NYADA and instead claims he wants to be a doctor despite having no prior interest, he is avoiding a cause of worry, a common symptom of anxiety. He also shows signs of an anxiety attack during the shooting. He’s shown sitting quietly, crying, and hugging his knees. He’s okay at first, but later panics after being shushed. He most likely thinks everyone is mad at him for making noise, and fears that if anything happens to them, he will be blamed. When Ryder calls “Katie” and the phone rings, everyone tells him to turn it off except for Blaine, who can be seen mouthing “Turn it off please” but doesn’t make a sound, likely because he’s too scared to speak. He doesn’t move and is the only one to not touch anyone during the lockdown. Even when Sam is trying to leave, Blaine doesn’t help, just covers his ears and tries to block it out. This could be signs of PTSD. Throughout the experience, he seems almost childlike, for example, curling up, audibly sobbing, clinging to Sam, and being the only person to call his parents and greeting his mother with “hey mommy”.

Along with his anxiety, Blaine is shown to have severe depression, which is especially notable during seasons four and six, but likely existed even before his transfer to Dalton. He talks about being unable to sleep and eat after he and Kurt broke up in season six, and was even kicked out of NYADA due to his lack of motivation. He nearly transfers back to Dalton after the season four breakup, a place of refuge for him, because everything at McKinley reminds him of Kurt and he can’t handle it. He even shows signs of being suicidal in seasons three and four. Season four has less to discuss, he says a few things that suggest he either is or is becoming suicidal, showing signs of severe depression and acting as if he has nothing left. In season three, though, there is more to look into, and if you aren’t paying close attention, it’s easy to miss. Both examples are from the episode On My Way. The theme for regionals is inspirational, and Blaine chooses to sing the song Cough Syrup. The song is viewed as a cry for help from the band when they were first starting out and unsure what to do. However, the song is not about suicide. It’s about the difficult decision to stray from the norm and do your own thing, or do what is expected of you. In fact, upon viewing the episode, the band said they never thought of the song in that way. However, many listeners do think of the song as being about suicide, and we don’t know what Blaine’s interpretation was. Later in the episode, the club discusses suicide. Everyone makes eye contact, and when they say what they are looking forward to, everyone laughs and smiles. However, Blaine doesn’t. Rather than looking at everyone else, he looks down, rubbing his wrists, suggesting possible self harm or suicidal ideation. He looks sad throughout the discussion, and his only smile, towards the end of the discussion, looks very forced and his eyes still look sad. Due to his past, it wouldn’t be hard to believe he had thoughts of suicide at some point, whether before Dalton, or during seasons three, four, and/or six.

My final point will be discussing this article. The article points out some inconsistencies about Blaine and sex, from his open discussion with Burt, casually bringing up masturbation, his sometimes sexual song choices, the car scene after he and Kurt go to Scandals, and his talk about sexy faces, to his argument with Sam when he says he’s “not for sale”. He shows no discomfort most of the time, until one suggestion makes him become angry and defensive. His character did go through quite a bit of changes, which could be an explanation for his inconsistencies, mixed with Glee’s notoriously bad writing, but there is another way to look at it: some kind of sexual trauma during his childhood. The ability to have a mature discussion about it can be explained by his exposure to it at a young age if this is the case, since, depending on his age, he would probably need an explanation and a discussion with adults, possibly strangers, if he came forward about his experience. He could, depending on the trauma, view sex as a way to gain approval. And if his dad actually is homophobic, this could be directly linked with Blaine’s experience, with his father possibly believing his sexuality is a result of the trauma. The presentation of his trauma could differentiate every day, being perfectly fine with talking about it one day and not wanting to the next. This could also provide a bit more of an explanation for the car scene during The First Time, if Blaine’s experience happened at a young age and that was his first exposure to and therefore the foundation of his understanding of sex, Blaine may not realize when he goes too far. We know that, whether this theory is true or not, Blaine experienced sexual assault when Tina “vaporaped” him. He doesn’t seem too bothered by her, and she even becomes one of his best friends after it happened. However, the response to trauma I discussed earlier seems to be present. Sam brings up the event later on, meaning he knows about it, and since the chances of Tina or Kurt (the only other ones who know) telling him aren’t high (Tina because she wouldn’t want to admit to it, unless she slipped up like she did with Kurt, and Kurt because he wouldn’t want to reveal Blaine’s trauma), and the fact that Sam brought it up in front of Blaine, shows that he was likely okay with talking about it. He wouldn’t tell Sam if he wasn’t okay discussing it, and if they never talked about it, Sam probably wouldn’t casually joke about it in front of him. If Sam thought the comment he made was okay, he probably didn’t think it affected Blaine too much. However, when Sam brings it up, Blaine clearly looks upset. It did have a negative effect on him, and it was more than likely traumatic. And there’s a possibility that it may not have been his first experience with sexual trauma.

There is no question that Blaine had a rough past, and many of those struggles continue to affect him. However, the show, for the most part, ignores them. I hope that through this essay, you were able to learn a bit more about Blaine, understand his inconsistencies and behaviors that seem out of character, to look past the surface level. Blaine is one of the strongest characters, but his issues are hardly ever brought to light. Keep in mind, a lot of this is speculation, headcanons, or analysis of background information that may not have been scripted. Respectful discussion is encouraged, and feel free to share any additional observations, theories, or headcanons, or suggest another character for me to look into.

[andorlorian]

a little bit insane ahsoka and luke au

the lovely @picazos-angsty-typist inspired me to just post my au ideas as opposed to giving them away, and this one is my absolute favorite! it's an au in which 19 year old ahsoka finds the time travel crystal from the lego star wars christmas special and is transported onto tatooine right before a new hope. then she gets to go along through the original trilogy and be best friends with luke! (this is honestly just an extremely convoluted way to get my favorite characters to be best friends. this au is for me <3.) extremely long elaborations and plot stuff in bullet points under the cut:

okay so 19 year old ahsoka! it would be about 2 years post order 66 and about 6-8 months since the ending of the ahsoka novel, so she's traveling the world and doing fulcrum things, attempting to build a rebellion with bail organa. this, naturally, means she needs to hide from the empire.

because it needs to be life day for the crystal to work, that's the day this all starts (in ahsoka's original timeline). ahsoka finds out randomly that it's life day, and has a moment remembering the day before order 66, before the empire. 

she gets into a skirmish with the empire close by kordoku, the planet with the time travel stone on it. she feels a pull from the force, like there's a safe haven on the planet below, so she lands and immediately knows why: she's in front of a jedi temple. she knows she'll be safe inside from the empire. she walks in, and seals the temple with the force

she picks up the weird rock thing in the middle of the room, as it's singing to her through the force. the second she touches it, a wormhole opens up, and she's dropped directly in the middle of a tatooinian sandstorm.

we the audience know that she's time traveled, but ahsoka has no clue. and as I'm assuming she doesn't have much experience wandering ancient abandoned jedi temples (in her time, very recently, they'd been populated and upkept), she wouldn't suspect she was hallucinating. she assumed the rock somehow teleported her, but the sand and the wind of the sandstorm make it impossible for her to find the rock. where before it had been singing to her through the force, she couldn't feel anything now.

she has no choice but to try and find shelter from the storm and wait it out. she finds a sort of cave, a small hideout, so she sets up her small camp. having nothing else to do, she opens herself up to the force to meditate, hoping to locate the rock and find more information about her new situation. however, she instead discovers something she wasn't expecting: the faint and utterly familiar force prescence of one obi-wan kenobi

it feels damaged and weak, almost as if he'd cut himself off from the force somewhat, but there was no denying that it was obi-wan. ahsoka thanked the force for sending her to the rock, as she assumes it had just sent her to obi-wan and nothing else.

during this force meditation, she also discovers the planet that she's on is tatooine. this heavily reminds her of anakin, hearing echoes of their conversation as they crossed the desert from what seems like a million years ago. 

once the storm settles, she makes her way through the tatooinian desert, and just as the suns are coming up and she knows she would need to find shelter, she happens upon the Lars farm.

she meets Owen and Beru Lars and their nephew, Luke. they are kind and good people, and do not hesitate to offer ahsoka a place to stay + some food and water. ahsoka rests up somewhat, but insists on helping them in return.

this part I haven't quite nailed out yet. tatooine side quest featuring ahsoka and luke doing whatever one does on a moisture farm. I assume ahsoka would offer technological help as she's a good mechanic (perks of master skywalker) so maybe they're going around and fixing vaporators?

that day and into the night, she and luke really hit it off. she learns more about tatooine and more about how they've been affect by the war. however from the way luke talks about it, the empire has been around as long as he can remember. this strikes ahsoka as extremely odd, and wonders what else is going on, but fixing things doesn't leave much room for another galaxy warping revelation, so she doesn't dwell on it immediately.

she and luke discuss kind of everything. they become buddies bc that's important to me. the next day, she tells them she's looking for obi-wan kenobi. "do you know someone named obi-wan kenobi?" luke does his little "do you think she means old ben kenobi?" number which is fun n nostalgic hehe.

owen seems to freeze. he hasn't heard that name in quite some time, and it doesn't exactly conjure pleasant memories. he reluctantly agrees to let luke point her in the right direction, and she buys a speeder from them (they try to give it to her but she insists on paying. ahsoka ftw)

ahsoka manages to avoid the tuskens on her way into the jundland wastes and runs into.... this really old dude. this is when she really has to confront the time travel of it all. she and obi-wan have a Talk. there's still a little bad blood between them considering obi-wan was on the council that condemned her without remorse or apology, but they're both so relieved to see the other alive.

ahsoka learns that it's been 19 years since order 66, since the empire took over. she remembers the day it happened, what only feels like 2 years ago to her.

she mentions that luke helped her find him, and obi-wan freezes. this obviously gets noticed by ahsoka, and obi-wan drops the real bomb on her: luke is anakin and padmé's son. obi-wan tells her that anakin died in order 66 and padmé died with the rebellion, that he's here both to hide out and to protect luke. she remarks in her head that the whole chosen one thing is ridiculous, that pinning the entire galaxy's hopes on a nineteen year old kid that up until now obi-wan has refused to even CONSIDER training (skywalker trauma lolz) but she can sense the strong emotions from him, that he wouldn't have it in him to stand up to the empire alone, so she drops it.

as to how padmé died: i hate the way that she dies in the prequels so I am deleting it. this is my canon. she actually survives and stays with the rebellion for a good 3-5 years before she's killed in a rebel vs. empire conflict. ahsoka is especially devastated to learn about her death from obi-wan (who bail organa risked communication with to tell him, as he was also close with padmé). 

she and obi-wan spar, both to get Ahsoka's mind off of the everything about this situation and because it's been so long since either of them have been around another jedi. it's cathartic for both of them. (ahsoka beats obi-wan easily btw haha)

obi-wan offers to officially knight her as a jedi knight, as that was what the council had intended after the whole fiasco and he says "you're just as experienced and powerful as I was when I was knighted." but ahsoka declines. she isn't ready to be considered a jedi yet, and may never be.

this is when a new hope really starts. obi-wan and ahsoka find luke unconscious in the jundland wastes, and that sequence goes pretty much the same. r2 is beeping and trilling like crazy because ahsoka!!!!!! that's one of his best friends!!!!!!! luke is like "you know this droid?" and ahsoka freezes, because how exactly does she explain to the nice dude she met yesterday that actually she's from 17 years in the past and was very close with both of his parents, who both were extremely close to r2?

she does in fact explain all of that to him when they get to obi-wan's house. she has no idea how she got here or why, but she did know anakin skywalker and padmé amidala naberrie, and tells him as much as she remembers about them. luke misses both of his parents like an ache in his chest, wishing more than anything he could have known them. 

obi-wan offers his own perspective on it, and tells how anakin died (which ahsoka is just as eager to know). obi-wan, on the spot, says that another jedi fell to the dark side and joined sidious, and that anakin died defending the temple. (he obviously couldn't say that vader was his pupil, because ahsoka would see through that immediately.)

luke asks why he couldn't have lived with his mother in the rebellion, but obi-wan says that she wanted him to be safe from the galactic conflict and stay with anakin's family. (which is partially true, but the whole sith-sensing-the-overly-powerful-skywalkers was a big factor as well.) obi-wan says he's truly sorry that luke never got to know her.

after learning about the message r2 brought, ahsoka knows she has to get to the rebellion however possible and rejoin the fight. obi-wan agrees, and gives his little elevator pitch to luke about becoming a jedi and joining the rebellion. when obi-wan gives luke the lightsaber, a million memories with anakin flash through ahsoka's head. luke still comes to same conclusion at the end of that conversation: he's willing to guide them out of tatooine, but he can't join the galactic conflict, at least not now. 

however, as they're leaving, they find the destroyed jawa crawler. luke, as before, realizes it means the stormtroopers found his family. ahsoka knows that only despair waits there for him, and urges him not to go, but when he doesn't back down hops in the speeder with him (for protection and emotional support). 

luke gets to have more emotions about the fact that the empire killed his /entire family./ ahsoka doesn't try and use it to convince him to go, only offers to help him bury them. she openly uses the force to move things around and make things easier, while luke is still in shock, almost numb. they're buried next to shmi and cliegg. 

luke is ANGRY at the empire. he is PISSED. he decides to go with them to fight not because he longs for adventure, but because he wants to hit the empire where it hurts. ahsoka can recognize that isn't the thought process of a jedi, but she feels the exact same way after learning about anakin and padmé. 

now it's mos eisley time. i feel like han would definitely like/admire ahsoka at first, but ahsoka would not like him. she finds him deplorable and a little annoying, and joins in on the whole bagging on the falcon jokes. this leads to han getting his feelings hurt and he's like fine :( we are not friends then >:(. 

the interesting thing is that chewie and ahsoka actually know each other! they were both kidnapped by bossk and hunted for sport in that one clone wars arc, so they're both like "oh hey person who was there for one of the most terrifying and traumatic times in my life! what's up!" they become fast friends yet again, and chewie is like "wow you did not age at all. are you sure you're not a wookiee?"

on the millennium falcon, she and obi-wan get started on luke's training. he asks her about his parents constantly (what they were like, what they did, where they came from, etc). she also talks about what the jedi were like (providing a less rose-colored-glasses perspective, but still with a lot of positives). 

she feel the same pain obi-wan does right before they get to alderaan, and can feel bail and breha organa in particular (having known them fairly well after the ahsoka novel). 

they get pulled into the death star's tractor beam. ahsoka can feel the cold and horrible presence of vader, a sick dread building in her the closer they get to it. they go to hide under the floorboards of the falcon. han knows how the empire operates better than anyone, which ahsoka is shocked to learn is much different than the Republic or the empire she remembers. (i imagine she lived in a more transitional period, so while the empire was terrible during her time, they were only getting started.)

she tries to go with obi-wan to shut off the power beam, but obi-wan still does his "I must go alone" little number. sensing the end of something, but not what it is, she hugs him goodbye. he's still obi-wan and she missed him dreadfully. he tells her to protect luke. 

she along with luke refuses to indulge han's obi-wan slander, and when han says "great at getting us into trouble!" she says "you should have met anakin."

then it's princess rescue time as it should be. that goes exactly the same except ahsoka is much better at defending them from the stormtroopers lol. leia still does the blasting and "somebody has to save our skins!" line because I love that

ahsoka can tell immediately that leia is padmé's daughter. she had probably heard of leia, being in the rebellion for about six months before time traveling, but now having met her it's completely obvious. she doesn't vocalize this immediately though, planning to discuss it with obi-wan. 

yes I'm keeping the garbage monster scene because I think it's funny :)

ahsoka goes with han and chewie after the stormtroopers while luke and leia head for the ship. also ahsoka + han banter because I think it's funny

she can see obi-wan and vader's fight (which I'm hoping will be a lot more like their fight in rots. a new hope is incredible but the lightsaber fights got way better as time went on. their final fight deserves to be epic). she tries to run and help obi-wan but luke pulls her back. "he can handle it," he says. "we need you to help us get to the falcon."

however when obi-wan is killed, both of them are distraught. his voice appears in ahsoka's head, telling her not to face vader yet, telling her to run. chewie literally has to hold her back and carry her to the ship. 

they blast their way out of the death star, none of them having the time to dwell on what just happened. 

ahsoka and luke are both numb. luke lost 3 parental figures in one day, and obi-wan's death after going through order 66 just brings it allll up again. leia is also hanging out in the numb dead parents circle, because her entire planet got blown up today and obi-wan's death just feels like another nail in the coffin. all three of them can sort of feel each other's emotions, and unconsciously they're comforting each other with the force. it's a healing moment for all three of them

han is kind of awkwardly standing in the background. "there wasn't anything any of you could have done," he says, in a rare show of emotion. (i like han wanting to help them despite his i-don't-care-about-anything facade.)

this doesn't stop him from saying he's only in it for the money later though. leia gets to blow up at him about it same as in the movie because she deserves it methinks.

they make it to the rebellion, and a few of the people who've been in it from the beginning recognize her (mon mothma maybe?). I also like the idea of ahsoka being something of rebellion legend, having been one of the last jedi who presumably died fighting the empire for the rebellion. 

also general hera syndulla gets to be there bc i love her. she is the one who shows the plans to the pilots and explains the plan. she also references the rogue one crew because i love them also. 

ahsoka in an x-wing with the red team attempting to blow up the death star. when vader makes an appearance, she can sense him in the starfighter nearby them, the same cold and evil presence. she personally goes to fight vader and defends the rest of the team from him, somehow falling into a perfect rhythm and anticipating every move. she doesn't kill him obviously, but she gets close. the things that happen stay the same: they sustain heavy casualties, she survives the battle, han comes back to save the day, luke is the one who blows up the death star.

luke, han, chewie, and ahsoka get medals in the end, because each of them were instrumental in the blowing up of the death star (and a lot more pilots survive thanks to Ahsoka's defense). there are references to the phineas and ferb star wars special because I want it. 

there's a bit after the official end of a new hope in which she's talking to Luke like "I can't stay. this isn't my timeline. I have to go back. and if I can go back, maybe I can try and save the jedi. maybe I can fix things." however luke changes her mind. "maybe you're in this timeline for a reason. maybe NOW is when you can change things. I would've died without you in the battle of yavin. plus, how am I supposed to become a jedi without you?" luke + leia + han + chewie + r2 + 3po all convince her to stay. they are all very attached to ahsoka at this point, and ahsoka realizes she doesn't really want to leave them either.

also. because the battle is over and they all have a moment to breathe, she tells leia that she's positive she's padmé and anakin's daughter too, not just because of the physical resemblence but also her force sensitivity. there's no doubt about it.

ahsoka agrees to train both of them in what she knows, though she warns that she wasn't a master or even a knight.

it ends with the whole crew hanging out on the falcon (han, leia, luke, chewie, r2, c-3po, and ahsoka)

those are my bullet points for the episode IV section of this! if people want to see where this goes in the rest of the trilogy let me know I have so many notes about this au

also tagging: @togrutanduin @padme--amygdala @bisexualobiwanrights @grimthejedisith @senator-nahberries you get to watch me lose my mind in real time <3

[kingstylesdaily]

Stevie Nicks Answers All Our Questions About Harry Styles

Of all the disciples to worship at the altar of Stevie Nicks, none have managed to capture the attention of rock’s reigning priestess quite like Harry Styles.

The 26-year-old rocker (who this week received three Grammy nominations) is the Gucci-clad poster boy carrying the torch for a bygone era of music history that the Fleetwood Mac frontwoman helped crystallize. Styles recently cited the group’s 1977 (and still charting) classic “Dreams” as one of the first songs he learned the words to growing up. Their friendship began in 2015 after the former One Direction member presented his idol with a hand-piped birthday cake after a Fleetwood Mac gig in London. (“Glad she liked carrot cake,” he later said.) The years since have seen the duo’s mutual affection blossom into one of pop culture’s most cherished bondings.

Last year, when Styles inducted Nicks into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, he proclaimed the 72-year-old “everything you’ve ever wanted in a lady, a lover, in a friend.” Nicks has gushed about him in interviews as everything from “the son she never had” to her “love child” with bandmate Mick Fleetwood. Styles earned her official seal of approval after covering “The Chain” every night of his first solo tour in support of a record that sounds closer to Crosby, Stills & Nash than anything he released under his prior band.

“Harry could’ve lost a lot of fans, but he didn’t,” Nicks recently told Vogue over the phone. “I’m so proud of him because he took a risk and didn’t go the One Direction route. He loves One Direction, I love One Direction, and a gazillion other people do too, but Harry didn’t wanna go the pop route. He wanted straight-up rock and roll circa 1975.”  

Nicks has been embracing some of the busiest years of her dual careers as both Fleetwood Mac frontwoman and solo sorceress—and doing so amid a global pandemic. Since she last performed with Styles at the Forum for his Fine Line release show in December, she’s released a 24 Karat Gold concert film and “Show Them the Way,” her politically minded single and first piece of original music in six years. After Miley Cyrus asked for Nicks’s blessing before releasing her “Edge of Seventeen”–tinged “Midnight Sky,” the two joined forces for an exhilarating new mash-up titled “Edge of Midnight.”

In honor of Styles making history as the magazine’s first solo cover boy, Nicks caught up with Vogue to answer all our questions about their cosmic connection. Currently beachside with her quarantine bubble in Hawaii, she’s been doing what one would expect Stevie Nicks to be up to during a pandemic: writing new music, dancing around her house to “Watermelon Sugar,” and “casting little spells.” As befitting rock’s foremost storyteller, our intended 30-minute chat turned into a two-hour confessional about her love of Styles, working with Cyrus for the first time, joining Fleetwood Mac, the president-elect Joe Biden, the Met Gala, betta fish funerals, and much more.

ksd note: edited to only include Q&A about Stevie and Harry!

Did you get a chance to look through Harry’s cover story yet?  

Right before I called you, I sat here and looked at all the pictures on my new iPad. What can I say? That’s my Harry. I think the thing that’s most wonderful about him—and I’ve told him this, and sometimes I think he takes it the wrong way—is that he’s such a kooky guy. He’s the type of person you’d wanna live next door to. He’d look out the window, see you having a hard time planting flowers, and rush out asking, “Can I help you with those roses?” “Sure, but you are Harry Styles, right?” That’s who he is.

I really only know him to a certain extent, but I have gotten to experience some big moments in his life, like when he released his first solo record at the Troubadour. I always think of Tom Petty saying, “So, you wanna be a rock star or you wanna be a pop star?” It’s two completely different things, and he really could have gone pop like his friend Zayn [Malik]. I was sorry that Zayn didn’t keep going more because I thought he was really good. But he took the pop route, which I think was right for him. Harry could’ve lost a lot of fans doing rock and roll, but he didn’t. Harry did a long tour with that first record and said, “I’m a different person now. I have a full-on rock band, and this is what I’m gonna do.” With many of my records, I’ll stuff down peoples’ throats until they like it, and that’s exactly what he did. Then he went away and wrote Fine Line, one of my favorite records.

What were your immediate thoughts listening to Fine Line for the first time?

Me and four of my friends sat with Harry in his living room  in London and listened to it a few times before it came out. But it wasn’t really Fine Line yet. The first time we listened to it, nobody really said anything. The second time everyone started to go, “I think this song is great, but it should be second in the sequence.” By the third listen, it was five girls screaming, “Well, Harry really now, I think you need to take these four that are called Harry Songs and do this and that—” while he’s sinking in his reclining chair thinking, Are these women ever gonna leave? Thanks for your opinions, but oh, my God, stop already.  

What changed when you heard the record in it’s finished form?

This record means a lot to me. When it was all put together, I listened and said, “Oh, my god, the Beatles live.” A whole lot of people live in these songs. Fleetwood Mac lives there. I live there. When I listen to “Fine Line,” I hear melodies that would’ve worked on “A Day in the Life. “It has that same kind of complexity. I think the Beatles would’ve thought, Here we’ve influenced a young man who took some incredible things from us and made them his own years and years later.

Earlier this year you posted a message saying that Fine Line is Harry’s Rumours. Can you elaborate on what you meant by that?

When Harry asked me to do “Landslide” with him at the Forum, I asked why, and he said, “Because I want you to be there. You were there for my first night at the Troubadour for the first record.” That night I wrote him a letter that said, “This is your Rumours so you have to really respect it and adore it because these kinds of records sometimes don’t ever come again.” Fleetwood Mac went on to make many great records, but people would bet their life on the fact that Rumours was the one. And this might just be the one for Harry. We were all kind of the same age when we made Rumours. I was 28, and Lindsey [Buckingham] was 27. I actually don’t even know how old Harry is—he’s that timeless to me.

Do you have a personal favorite of his songs?

Every one represents a different thing to me. “Sunflower” is such a great little song. He loves to do crazy videos, and one time I called him and said, “I have an idea. You’re gonna be a bee, and the sunflower would be your girlfriend, and you guys would get married and live in a beehive with your little bee children. You’d sing the lyrics ‘kiss in the kitchen like it’s a dance floor duh duh duh’ and show this entire bee relationship.” 

What did he think of that pitch?

When I finished, the other end of the phone was silent. I said, “No, really, think about it. It’ll be fantastical like a Francis Ford Coppola movie.” He’s like, “Yeah, okay...” [laughs]. I also love the “Adore You” video with the little fish because I have my own special relationships with fish.

In what sense?

I always have two beta fish, but they have to be separated otherwise they’ll kill each other. I stick my finger into their aquarium, and the blue one will swim around my hand like a little dolphin. When my fish get old and suddenly die, I have funerals for them in my backyard where I play Celine Dion. I have them filmed, and everything [laughs]. It’s too much, but I thankfully haven’t had any recent fish deaths. I haven’t even been able to sit down and show Harry the videos of my little fish, so when I saw the “Adore You” video, I couldn’t believe it.

Why is it important for you to foster these relationships with younger artists like Harry who’ve been so openly influenced by you?

I’m inspired by them. I’m inspired that Miley wants to make music with me. I’m inspired that the Haim girls are my biggest fans—and I theirs. A lot of these kids are making the amazing records I’ve been waiting for them to make. I’m not like other 72-year-olds. I listen to current music because I want to be current. When people find out how old I am versus the music I’m listening to, they think it doesn’t gel at all. I’ve been collecting musical knowledge since I was in the fourth grade listening to the singles my grandfather used to bring home. I listened to Buddy Holly and the Everly Brothers until the sixth grade when R&B radio became Top 40. I said goodbye country and hello R&B, so it’s not like I’m ever stuck on one thing. What I love about Harry is that he’s very old school but still modern. And that’s kinda like me.

You both also transitioned from massive groups to equally massive solo careers rather seamlessly.

When I decided I wanted to be a solo artist, I’d only been in Fleetwood Mac for a few years. I tried to figure out a way to do it gracefully because I didn’t wanna break up the band. I just wanted to sit at my piano and write poetry. After we did a record and a really long tour, the band scurried off to different parts of the world while I’d just be home writing songs for a year and a half. What did they care what I did while they were all on vacation? I’ve always said all the way through these two careers I’ve had: If you’re in a band first, never break it up.

Do you think One Direction would ever reunite?

I think it’s a good idea. For all we know, One Direction is completely broken up forever. But I think those guys are friends, and five or ten years down the road, they could all go, “You know what, wouldn’t it be really fun to do a One Direction tour?” Because that’s what people do. I wouldn’t be surprised if they did reunite at some point just because they can. And because it would just be fun. Harry is the kind of person who would never stomp on that idea. He would never say, [imitates posh English accent] “Never! I would never do that again!” Because why not just keep the door open?

Was there any particular detail or passage in Harry’s cover story that stuck out to you?

According to this article, he can get in a car with his friend to drive all over Europe then drive back by himself. I stopped driving in 1978 because my driver’s license expired and I’d already made a lot of money. I very smartly thought, “You know what, if someone even hits you and it’s not even your fault but you’re a little drunk, you are done. You’re finished, and the fortune that you’ve made is gone, so why should you drive anyway?” By then me and Christine were very cloistered, but Harry’s able to live a freer life because he’s a guy. He’s like Mick. He has a free life.

Would you say that you don’t?

I’m only comparing us in the way that Harry goes off to the Bahamas to work on songs, then flies back to L.A., then London, then Italy—I can’t do that. I can’t do that by myself. He’s able to do whatever he wants by himself, and it’s a whole different way of life. Being that Harry is a guy, he’s able to be a loner more than I am. As a woman, I’m not free to do all that. Even when I was his age, I couldn’t just get off anywhere I wanted. When we were on the road, Christine and I didn’t have a clue in the world what the boys did. We went to our rooms with security guys standing outside. It’s not like we ever escaped to go club-hopping in downtown Manhattan. We never got to live that life, so freedom as Harry knows it is very different than it’s been for me.

Did you ever have any figure in your life who provided some sense of mentorship the way you have to artists like Harry?

I didn’t really have anyone. If I had any guiding force at all, it probably would’ve been Christine McVie because she was five years older than me. And five years is five years, you know? Chris was friends with Eric Clapton and knew all the famous musicians in London. She’d married John [McVie] and done a bunch of records with Fleetwood Mac before I came along, so she’d been in the music business for a long time. I was breaking up with Lindsey when she was breaking up with John. She was my therapist and my go-to person for just about everything. We had each other to get through that really difficult situation where no one was gonna quit the band. Christine and I kept the whole thing together by telling the three men, “You quit because we’re not stopping” Thank God I had her, but on the other side of that, thank God she had me. We really were a force of nature.

** I’m curious to what extent fashion plays a role in your and Harry’s relationship. Have you** gifted him any accessories that were significant to you?

I actually gave him a ring at the Forum thing. It’s very masculine and has a pink stone in it. I told him it was a pink diamond, but it really isn’t. It would’ve cost $5 million. It was mine, and I really loved it, but I thought, This should be for Harry. You can see it on his hands in the “Falling” video where he’s playing the piano. If Harry and I were in a band together, we’d be trading all kinds of crazy stuff.

What are your thoughts on him being the first solo male cover in Vogue’s history?

It makes me feel so inspired. I’m extremely jealous he’s on the cover of Vogue because I’m 72 years old and have wanted to be on the cover my whole life. I’m such a magazine hag, so I’m incredibly jealous of Harry, but I’ll get over it. As far as all the crazy things he’s wearing, you do whatever you have to do to be on the cover of Vogue. I’m very proud of him, and I think it’s great that there’s a man on the cover…but I should’ve been in the corner off in the distance [laughs]. Did you know I’ve never been to the Met Gala?

We would be honored to have you at the next gala and every one after that. I’m putting this in the article to make sure it’s in the public record.

As Mick Jagger says, “We still have our freedom, but we don’t have much time.” I would like to be not much older than I am now so I can wear a fantastic outfit and entertain everybody. It’s a dream of mine, and most of my dreams have come true, but I need to not be 90 when it happens.

Harry and you could perform together.

We wouldn’t even have to rehearse. We’ve got a couple of duets that are really great. We do “Landslide” and “Two Ghosts” together really well. We actually have five or six terrific acoustic numbers that we could do at the drop of a hat.

You hinted earlier this year that there might be a role for Harry in the miniseries based on the stories of Rhiannon. Is there any update there?

This is probably the third-biggest thing I’ve ever done in my life after Fleetwood Mac and my solo career. There’s a lot to be done in the movie business before I can start riding my horses across the mountains of Wales. I’ve signed with a movie company—I’m not gonna tell you who—and we just signed a writer. I’m not gonna tell you who that is either, but there’s an amazing part for Harry. My favorite character in the series is the only man who goes through all four books. He’s a magician who doesn’t wanna be king, and I think Harry would just be so perfect.

Have you and Harry discussed collaborating on any future music together?

We’re open to making music together because we’ve been very successful when we go onstage just to do one song. I would love to be in a band with Harry, but even if I never saw him in person again, he’s made a record that breaks my heart in a million places like Fine Line. As far as music goes, there’s plenty of fun things that he and I could do. We can just reach out to each other and do it. I’m always ready to slip back into those high-heel black suede boots and become my alter ego.

via Vogue.com

[hlupdate]

Of all the disciples to worship at the altar of Stevie Nicks, none have managed to capture the attention of rock's reigning priestess quite like Harry Styles.

The 26-year old rocker (who this week received three Grammy nominations) is the Gucci-clad poster-boy carrying the torch for a bygone era of music history that the Fleetwood Mac front-woman helped crystallize. Styles recently cited the group's 1977 (and still charting) classic “Dreams” as one of the first songs he learned the words to growing up. Their friendship began in 2015 after the former One Direction member presented his idol with a hand-piped birthday cake after a Fleetwood Mac gig in London. (“Glad she liked carrot cake,” he later said.) The years since have seen the duo's mutual affection blossom into one of pop culture‘s most cherished bondings.

Last year, when Styles inducted Nicks into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, he proclaimed the 72-year old “everything you’ve ever wanted in a lady, a lover, in a friend.” Nicks has gushed about him in interviews as everything from “the son she never had” to the “love child” of her and bandmate Mick Fleetwood. Styles earned her official seal of approval after covering “The Chain” every night of his first solo tour in support of a record that sounds closer to Crosby, Stills & Nash than anything he released under his prior band.

“Harry could've lost a lot of fans but he didn't. I’m so proud of him because he took a risk and didn’t go the One Direction route," Nicks recently told Vogue over the phone. "He loves One Direction, I love One Direction, and a gazillion other people do too, but Harry didn't wanna go the pop route. He wanted straight-up rock-and-roll circa 1975.”

Nicks has been embracing some of the busiest years of her dual careers as both Fleetwood Mac front-woman and solo sorceress—and doing so in the midst of a global pandemic. Since she last performed with Styles at the Forum for his Fine Line release show in December, she’s released a 24 Karat Gold concert film and “Show Them the Way,” her politically-minded single and first piece of original music in six years. After Miley Cyrus asked for Nicks's blessing before releasing her “Edge of Seventeen”-tinged “Midnight Sky,” the two joined forces for an exhilarating new mash-up titled “Edge of Midnight."

In honor of Styles making history as the magazine’s first solo cover-boy, Nicks caught up with Vogue to answer all our questions about their cosmic connection. Currently beachside with her quarantine bubble in Hawaii, she’s been doing what one would expect Stevie Nicks to be up to during a pandemic: writing new music, dancing around her house to “Watermelon Sugar“ and “casting little spells.” As befitting rock’s foremost storyteller, our intended 30-minute chat turned into a two-hour confessional about her love of Styles, working with Cyrus for the first time, joining Fleetwood Mac, the president-elect Joe Biden, the Met Gala, betta fish funerals, and much more.

Did you get a chance to look through Harry's cover story yet?  

Right before I called you I sat here and looked at all the pictures on my new iPad. What can I say? That's my Harry. I think the thing that’s most wonderful about him—and I've told him this and sometimes I think he takes it the wrong way—is that he’s such a kooky guy. He’s the type of person you'd wanna live next door to. He’d look out the window, see you having a hard time planting flowers and rush out asking "Can I help you with those roses?" "Sure but you are Harry Styles, right?" That's who he is.

I really only know him to a certain extent but I have gotten to experience some big moments in his life like when he released his first solo record at the Troubadour. I always think of Tom Petty saying "So you wanna be a rock star or you wanna be a pop star?" It's two completely different things and he really could have gone pop like his friend Zayn [Malik]. I was sorry that Zayn didn't keep going more because I thought he was really good. But he took the pop route, which I think was right for him. Harry could've lost a lot of fans doing rock-and-roll but he didn't. Harry did a long tour with that first record and said “I'm a different person now. I have a full-on rock band and this is what I'm gonna do.” With many of my records I’ll stuff down peoples' throats until they like it and that's exactly what he did. Then he went away and wrote Fine Line, one of my favorite records.

What were your immediate thoughts listening to Fine Line for the first time?

Me and four of my friends sat with Harry in his living room  in London and listened to it a few times before it came out. But it wasn't really Fine Line yet. The first time we listened to it nobody really said anything. The second time everyone started to go "I think this song is great but it should be second in the sequence." By the third listen it was five girls screaming "Well Harry really now, I think you need to take these four that are called "Harry Songs" and do this and that—” while he’s sinking in his reclining chair thinking "Are these women ever gonna leave? Thanks for your opinions but oh my god stop already."

What changed when you heard the record in it’s finished form?

This record means a lot to me. When it was all put together I listened and said "Oh my god, The Beatles live." A whole lot of people live in these songs. Fleetwood Mac lives there. I live there. When I listen to "Fine Line” I hear melodies that would've worked on “A Day in the Life.“ It has that same kind of complexity. I think the Beatles would've thought “Here we’ve influenced a young man who took some incredible things from us and made them his own years and years later.”

Earlier this year you posted a message saying that Fine Line is Harry’s Rumours. Can you elaborate on what you meant by that?

When Harry asked me to do "Landslide" with him at the Forum I asked why and he said "Because I want you to be there. You were there for my first night at the Troubadour for the first record.” That night I wrote him a letter that said “This is your Rumours so you have to really respect it and adore it because these kinds of records sometimes don't ever come again.” Fleetwood Mac went on to make many great records but people would bet their life on the fact that Rumours was the one. And this might just be the one for Harry. We were all kind of the same age when we made Rumours. I was 28 and Lindsey was 27. I actually don't even know how old Harry is—he's that timeless to me.

Do you have a personal favorite of his songs?

Every one represents a different thing to me. “Sunflower” is such a great little song. He loves to do crazy videos and one time I called him and said “I have an idea. You're gonna be a bee and the sunflower would be your girlfriend, and you guys would get married and live in a beehive with your little bee children. You’d sing the lyrics “kiss in the kitchen like it's a dance floor duh duh duh” and show this entire bee relationship.”

What did he think of that pitch?

When I finished the other end of the phone was silent. I said "No really, think about it. It’ll be fantastical like a Francis Ford Coppola movie.” He’s like “Yeah, okay...” (laughs). I also love the "Adore You” video with the little fish because I have my own special relationships with fish.

In what sense?

I always have two betta fish but they have to be separated otherwise they'll kill each other. I stick my finger into their aquarium and the blue one will swim around my hand like a little dolphin. When my fish get old and suddenly die I have funerals for them in my backyard where I play Celine Dion. I have them filmed and everything (laughs). It’s too much but I thankfully haven’t had any recent fish deaths. I haven't even been able to sit down and show Harry the videos of my little fish so when I saw the “Adore You” video I couldn’t believe it.

Why is it important for you to foster these relationships with younger artists like Harry who’ve been so openly influenced by you?

I'm inspired by them. I'm inspired that Miley wants to make music with me. I’m inspired that the Haim girls are my biggest fans—and I theirs. A lot of these kids are making the amazing records I’ve been waiting for them to make. I’m not like other 72-year olds. I listen to current music because I want to be current. When people find out how old I am versus the music I'm listening to they think it doesn't gel at all. I’ve been collecting musical knowledge since I was in the fourth grade listening to the singles my grandfather used to bring home. I listened to Buddy Holly and the Everly Brothers until the sixth grade when R&B radio became Top 40. I said goodbye country and hello R&B, so it’s not like I'm ever stuck on one thing. What I love about Harry is that he's very old-school but still modern. And that's kinda like me.

You both also transitioned from massive groups to equally massive solo careers rather seamlessly.

When I decided I wanted to be a solo artist I'd only been in Fleetwood Mac for a few years. I tried to figure out a way to do it gracefully because I didn’t wanna break up the band. I just wanted to sit at my piano and write poetry. After we did a record and a really long tour the band scurried off to different parts of the world while I’d just be home writing songs for a year and a half. What did they care what I did while they were all on vacation? I’ve always said all the way through these two careers I've had: if you're in a band first, never break it up.

I know Beyoncé because I spent a day with Destiny’s Child making the “Bootylicious” video. I owe them a debt of gratitude because that’s the one time I ever got to pretend I played rock-and-roll guitar! But when Beyoncé made the decision to be a solo artist she did not see herself going back to Destiny's Child every couple of years. And that's a perfectly acceptable decision because sometimes that's what people wanna do. I, on the other hand, said why not have the ability to go back to Fleetwood Mac whenever I want? Being a Gemini I get bored really easily, so being able to have those two careers was great.

Do you think One Direction would ever reunite?

I think it's a good idea. For all we know, One Direction is completely broken up forever. But I think those guys are friends and five or ten years down the road they could all go "You know what, wouldn't it be really fun to do a One Direction tour?" Because that's what people do. I wouldn't be surprised if they did reunite at some point just because they can. And because it would just be fun. Harry is the kind of person who would never stomp on that idea. He would never say (imitates posh English accent) "Never! I would never do that again!" Because why not just keep the door open?

Was there any particular detail or passage in Harry’s cover story that stuck out to you?

According to this article he can get in a car with his friend to drive all over Europe then drive back by himself. I stopped driving in 1978 because my driver's license expired and I'd already made a lot of money. I very smartly thought "You know what, if someone even hits you and it's not even your fault but you're a little drunk, you are done. You're finished and the fortune that you've made is gone, so why should you drive anyway?” By then me and Christine were very cloistered, but Harry's able to live a freer life because he's a guy. He's like Mick. He has a free life.

Would you say that you don’t?

I'm only comparing us in the way that Harry goes off to the Bahamas to work on songs then flies back to LA then London then Italy—I can't do that. I can't do that by myself. He's able to do whatever he wants by himself and it's a whole different way of life. Being that Harry is a guy, he's able to be a loner more than I am. As a woman I'm not free to do all that. Even when I was his age I couldn't just get off anywhere I wanted. When we were on the road Christine and I didn't have a clue in the world what the boys did. We went to our rooms with security guys standing outside. It's not like we ever escaped to go club-hopping in downtown Manhattan. We never got to live that life so freedom as Harry knows it is very different than it’s been for me.

Did you ever have any figure in your life who provided some sense of mentorship the way you have to artists like Harry?

I didn't really have anyone. If I had any guiding force at all it probably would've been Christine McVie because she was five years older than me. And five years is five years, you know? Chris was friends with Eric Clapton and knew all the famous musicians in London. She’d married John [McVie] and done a bunch of records with Fleetwood Mac before I came along so she'd been in the music business for a long time. I was breaking up with Lindsey when she was breaking up with John. She was my therapist and my go-to person for just about everything. We had each other to get through that really difficult situation where no one was gonna quit the band. Christine and I kept the whole thing together by telling the three men "You quit because we're not stopping” Thank god I had her, but I think on the other side of that thank god she had me. We really were a force of nature.

I’m curious to what extent fashion plays a role in your and Harry’s relationship. Have you gifted him any accessories that were significant to you?

I actually gave him a ring at the Forum thing. It’s very masculine and has a pink stone in it. I told him it was a pink diamond but it really isn't, it would've cost $5 million. It was mine and I really loved it but I thought "This should be for Harry.” You can see it on his hands in the "Falling" video where he’s playing the piano. If Harry and I were in a band together we’d be trading all kinds of crazy stuff.

How did you come to decide on your all-black stage uniform?

I started getting paid when I joined Fleetwood Mac but up until then I didn't have any money to buy food. All of a sudden we were going on tour so I just packed up my normal clothes. We started eating because there was room service and there I was gaining ten pounds in the middle of the tour. I didn't fit in any of the clothes and I didn't have time to shop so when I got home I said “I can never do this again.” I knew a friend who knew a designer and I told her I needed a uniform because I can't be thinking about what I wanna wear every night. It makes it so much easier since everybody that's in Pittsburgh isn't necessarily gonna be in Philadelphia. Harry's done the same thing with his white pants and pink shirt.

What are your thoughts on him being the first solo male cover in Vogue’s history?

It makes me feel so inspired. I'm extremely jealous he's on the cover of Vogue because I'm seventy-two years old and have wanted to be on the cover my whole life. I’m such a magazine hag, so I’m incredibly jealous of Harry but I'll get over it. As far as all the crazy things he's wearing, you do whatever you have to do to be on the cover of Vogue. I'm very proud of him and I think it's great that there's a man on the cover… but I should've been in the corner off in the distance (laughs). Did you know I've never been to the Met Gala?

We would be honored to have you at the next gala and every one after that. I’m putting this in the article to make sure it’s in the public record.

As Mick Jagger says, "We still have our freedom, but we don't have much time." I would like to be not much older than I am now so I can wear a fantastic outfit and entertain everybody. It's a dream of mine and most of my dreams have come true, but I need to not be ninety when it happens.

Harry and you could perform together.

We wouldn't even have to rehearse. We've got a couple of duets that are really great. We do "Landslide" and “Two Ghosts” together really well. We actually have five or six terrific acoustic numbers that we could do at the drop of a hat.

You hinted earlier this year that there might be a role for Harry in the miniseries based on the stories of Rhiannon. Is there any update there?

This is probably the third-biggest thing I've ever done in my life after Fleetwood Mac and my solo career. There’s a lot to be done in the movie business before I can start riding my horses across the mountains of Wales. I've signed with a movie company—I'm not gonna tell you who—and we just signed a writer. I'm not gonna tell you who that is either but there’s an amazing part for Harry. My favorite character in the series is the only man who goes through all four books. He's a magician who doesn't wanna be king and I think Harry would just be so perfect.

Have you and Harry discussed collaborating on any future music together?

We're open to making music together because we've been very successful when we go onstage just to do one song. I would love to be in a band with Harry but even if I never saw him in person again he’s made a record that breaks my heart in a million places like Fine Line. As far as music goes there's plenty of fun things that he and I could do. We can just reach out to each other and do it. I’m always ready to slip back into those high-heel black suede boots and become my alter ego.

This interview has been edited for clarity and space.

[starr-fall-knight-rise]

Humans are Space Orcs, “Karen.”

Sorry guys. I have to post this really quick, sorry for spelling errors. Don’t worry about the Drev translations, they arent important

The civilian transport was very lucky.

In fact it was very lucky for a couple of reasons, the first being that it was only their secondary engine which had malfunctioned, not the warp core, second because at least their life support still worked, and three that they were close enough to an outpost , that their S.O.S was received in under a day by a very bored Tesraki, and an overly-talkative Rundi.

Their last stroke of luck might have been that there just so happened to be a UNSC ship passing by, on their way to the same original destination.

In fact, the civilian transport, piloted by some kind of space cruise company, offering interstellar tours, was attached to the harbinger in under an hour opening the doors and flooding the civilians with fresh cool air.

Krill was waiting with doctor Katie on the loading ramp just in case the civilians were in need of some sort of medical attention. He didn’t exactly have much experience with civilians. The harbinger was crewed, in large part, by military personnel and the occasional government contractor, so most of them were relatively professional, and most, if not all of them , were required to go through extensive training and physical testing before leaving their planet.

As the civilian humans disembarked, Krill got a sudden taste of human tourism.

Some very, very large humans, wearing widely unmatching clothing and strangely patterned shirts toddling through the doors with so much excess weight, he wondered how the human skeleton was capable of supporting such an egregious amount without simply imploding and turning to dust. The health implications were absolutely horrendous, and made him cringe to think about.

And if they weren’t big and colorfully dressed, they were rail thin, with plastic faces and puffy lips, the mark of cosmetic surgery done poorly. And with them they brought a hoard of screaming children, and moody teenagers their heads down glowering at their implanted communication devices, though Krill could hardly blame them from their moodiness.

A few more normal humans were there of course, averaging between the two extremes, and dressed conservatively for travel looking absolutely done with the entire thing and relieved when they stepped onto the cargo deck.

“Well it is about time!”

Krill and Dr. Katie turned their heads just in time to see the last human disembark shoving past the other guests and onto the floor, dragging with her two teenagers, one young child and her apologetic looking husband “It sure did take you long enough. And I swear once I have time I am going to be complaining to customer service. I will be complaining to the travel agency, and to the transport agency and.” She turned to glower at Dr. Katie and Dr. Krill,” And I will be complaining to you, whoever you people are for taking so long to show up.”

Krill glanced up at the woman who was only growing closer and closer, ominously looming over them. From this distance Krill got a better look of her badly maintained A line haircut, and her patchy blonde dye job with layers. She had a look on her face that were to suggest she perpetually had something sour in her mouth

Dr. Katie sighed, “Sorry ma’am. I can’t help you, I am a civilian medical contractor, not a member of the UNSC. I am just here to deal with any medical issues that you may have experienced during the malfunction.”

“Of course you’re UNSC, you work on the ship don’t you?”

Katie tried to remain patient, “Yes, I work on the ship, but like I said before I am a civilian contractor and have no ability to help you with your complaints. Is there any medical issue that I can help you with.”

“I demand a refund at once.”

Dr. katie Sighed, “I am a Dr. and I do not work for your touring company either. I am a private civilian medical contractor.” 

“And that was not a medical issue.” Krill added already annoyed.

By this time, the woman hadn’t even semed to notice him, but as soon as he spoke, she turned her eyes down towards him and screamed. She made a big show of falling backwards hand over her heart as if she had been shocked, “What is that!” Dr. Katie frowned, “This is Dr. krill, our OTHER civilian medical contractor.”

“Get it out of here, Immediately! I demand it be removed.” She backed away towards her family, “How dare you do something like this, my daughter has arachnophobia. I demand he be removed immediately”

Dr. Katie was frowning openly now, “I am not going to remove him from the deck. He is our chief medical officer, and not an arachnid. That is very rude, you may not know but it is considered a very offensive slur to call Vrul by those terms.”

“I don’t care, can’t you see what it is doing to my daughter!”

Dr. Katie and Dr. Krill turned to look at the teenage daughter, who, at that very moment looked like she wished to melt through the floor. It seemed that having all blood boiled out her ears in the vacuum of space would be way more preferable to this. Her husband was hiding his face, though no one said anything.

Behind her, the other tourists were looking wildly uncomfortable.

One of the large, colorful gentlemen stepped forward, “Why don’t we all just calm down, they are only trying to do their jobs.”

“Yeah, didn’t you hear them. They are civilian contractors.”

“You mind your own business.” She snapped turning back to the two of them. Behind her, her youngest son had gotten bored of the conversation and had wandered off. As they watched he busied himself with terrorizing the cargo crew darting in front of cargo carriers and screaming at the top of his lungs once he realized he could make his voice echo back to him.

“Ma’am, could you please get your son.” Dr Katie began, but was cut off.

“He can do what he wants. Don’t your bring my baby into this.”

“Mom-” The teenager began.

“Quiet Terrance.”

The boy shut his mouth joining his sister in wanting to melt through the floor.

She jabbed a finger at Krill, “Get that bug out of here NOW before I am forced to call someone.”

Krill watched in detached awe as Dr. katie grew very still. Her lips were drawn into a thing line, and the eyes behind her glasses narrowed sharply brows plunging, “I will not.” He was worried for a moment that Katie was going to flat out deck this woman, but she kept her cool, though her hands were balled into fists.

“I demand to speak with the manager!” The woman began screaming stomping her foot like a toddler.”

“Fine.” Doctor katie growled through clenched teeth, turning to look down at her implant before sending a text. 

The woman looked very smug sitting back with her arms crossed as Dr. katie and Krill were finally allowed to begin their work, going around to the other civilians and asking if they were feeling alright. The big colorful man, with the surprisingly pleasant voice  whispered an apology to them, “She's been a nightmare the whole trip. My wife and I were just coming out to gamble in some of those Tesraki casinos, you know try the exotic food, but she insisted that her son can’t eat any of that and that it shouldn’t be served on the ship or else he'd have some horrible allergic reaction. Honestly it's probably a load of bullshit.” 

His wife placed a hand on his arm, “Herold.” She scolded quietly 

“Sorry, dear. Anyway, you two are doing a great job.” Before looking down at Krill, “Watch out, there are some real xenophobes around these parts, and she might just be one of them.” 

In the background her kid was still making a mess bringing everything in the hold to a complete standstill.

Krill was appalled and almost impressed at how horrible this all was

There was a clattering towards the end of the room, and the group of them turned to see commander Vir, Sunny and a group of other drev walk into the space..

“Zha dah nee to chatahach nehkasi.”

“Zha janaik.”

“Tsa dee.”

“Geesee zha dee.”

“Nin tsa kasish, Chalan.”

“Zha nehrekazi. Zha lad nee gengi kasat.”

The group of them stopped in their tracks cutting their conversation mid go as the kid ran past them screaming, nearly knocking a pallet of crates off balance as he went.

Commander Vir frowned, “Hey! Knock it off!” The kid paused in his tracks a defiant expression in his eyes, and looked about ready to do something stupid. However a group of three Hulking Drev, and one eyeless human was enough  to send him scurrying to his mother, who was not happy.

She marched forward, “how dare you speak to my son like that. Who exactly do you think you are.”

“And who are you?” The commander asked.

“A paying customer.”

The commander looked confused, “Paying for what?” 

“Don’t play coy with me. You now what.”

“I can honestly tell you that I don’t know.” He turned his head back to the Drev “Nijeesh”, and motioned them off knowing this was going to take a while

She screeched, “Stop speaking to them in that language, this is a human ship! Speak human!” Krill an the other Drev looked on in confusion, considering that there were a couple of human languages to choose form, making her argument extra stupid.

“I paid for this tour, and now I demand to speak with your manager.”

The commander folded his arms, “We aren’t part of the tour company, we are part of the UNSC.”

“I don’t care.”

“Ma’am I cannot help you with the tour company. THe UNSC has nothing to do with civilian tours.”

She held up a hand in front of his face, “No, I won’t be talking to you anymore, not until is see a manager.” She snapped her fingers.

A small spark of fire lit in the man’s eyes, “I AM the manager.”

She laughed, barking like a condescending seal, “Don’t lie to me boy, you are too young. Now let me talk to an adult. The REAL manager.”

Commander Vir stared at her mouth open completely nonplussed, “I’m 25.”

“Exactly, clearly not old enough.”

He just held out his hands lost for words for a long moment before, a subtle change appeared in his expression. A small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, “My apologies, ma’am, we don’t technically have a manager aboard the ship, but this just so happens to be the UNSC Harbinger, so maybe I can get Commander Vir to speak with you.” 

Her eyes lit up hungrily at that. And Krill stared on in wonder and fascination.

“yes , I will speak with the commander.”

Her two teenagers looked up from their shame, and Krill could tell by the wide eyed expressions on their faces, they knew exactly who their mother was talking to. Both of their faces went beat red.

Commander Vir turned walked a few steps turned around and walked back standing up straighter, ‘Hello ma’am I am Fleet Commander Vir of the UNSC Harbinger, how may I be of assistance.”

The woman looked livid, “This isn’t funny! Now get me the real commander now!”

“mom/” One of her kids hissed.

She held out a finger.

“Mom!”

She turned to glare angrily at her child, “Not while the adults are speaking terrance.”

“But mom! He IS the commander!”

She turned to glower at her son, who was brandishing his implant with a picture of Adam in uniform, one of the images used for the movie.

It was time for her husband to speak up, “Dear…. He’s the one from that movie…” he trailed off.

She whirled around to face him face red with embarrassment as he stood there with a shit eating grin, but then, in her embarrassment, doubled down even harder, “Well no wonder this place is so poorly run. You’re too young to have the position you do. Is there someone ELSE more experienced I  can speak with.”

Commander Vir just stared at her, “Ma’am I am the highest power you are ever going to talk to. Even if I was god's secretary, you wouldn't get past the door. Now shut up get your crotch goblin, under contorl and keep your xenophobic agest ass quiet. I am not going to bother being polite to someone who has openly thrown speciesest slurs at my crew.” He motioned to the other passengers, “The rest of you are welcome onto the crew deck for the time being.” The rest of her family members visibly wilted, “Your two kids and your husband are allowed as well, but until you can learn a little respect, and treat my crew the way they deserve, you and your youngest can stay on the civilian transport alone.” 

From where she stood next to Krill, Dr. Katie giggled, “I love it when he gets all righteous indignation.” Krill had to agree with her.

Watching him turn and leave the woman speechless with fury behind him was extremely satisfying. 

[blanchimont]

one step forward, two steps back

characters: kim mingyu x reader

genre: post-breakup au

word count: 3.9k

summary: you believe that no one in their right mind would take so long—as in almost a year—to make up their mind and finally move on from their ex. yet you are an exception, and mingyu and the entire universe seem to have conspired against you to make the moving on process difficult for you.

“My parents talked about you over breakfast this morning.”

There is a brief pause before Mingyu lets out a strangled “What?” 

At this point, you are convinced that the universe doesn’t want you to succeed in moving on.

You feel pathetic that even after ten months since you and Mingyu mutually agreed to break up, you still don’t have it in you to move on from him. The progress bar is stuck at zero percent and you’re so frustrated at yourself because you aren’t strong enough to let go of the past. But it’s not like Mingyu is doing so well in the moving on process either, so both of you are stuck in a limbo where you still invite each other to parties and choose to talk to each other almost every single day, even if that does more harm than good. 

Recently, you’ve been getting an earful from Chaeyeon, your best friend, at how stupid you look like already for being so weak for your ex that each time you receive a notification from him, you’re ready to drop everything just so the two of you can talk about the most random of things, like how Mingyu shared one time that he was so enthusiastic about making pizza that he accidentally tossed the dough too high and got it stuck on the ceiling. He even sent you a picture of the said dough and that was enough to keep you going through your rough day. 

“Look, I used to be very gentle when approaching the topic because I know it hurts like a bitch for you but come on, it’s going to be a year soon since you and Mingyu broke up and you’re still so caught up on him. Like you aren’t even making an effort at all to move on. You’re helping no one with what the two of you are doing,” Chaeyeon says one night when she stays over at your dorm right after messaging her that you are finally moving on from Mingyu. She refused to believe you so she rushed to your place and found you on your couch, busy texting your ex. 

You feel apologetic towards your best friend because she has been there from the beginning to comfort you and share her thoughts about how you should go about your life without Mingyu. But now you are wasting all her effort of consoling and distracting you because one day, you would tell her with finality that you are finally moving on, only for her to discover a few days later that you really cannot push through with it and you’re back to talking to him again. 

When you went home to your family over the term break, you thought that it will help you take your mind off of Mingyu, and then eventually your lingering feelings for him will fade. You almost wanted to text Mingyu the day you went home that you are finally moving on from him, but you feel stupid because there really isn’t a need to inform him that because the moment the both of you decided to break up, it was already an unwritten rule that moving on should be the next step.

For the first few days, you feel positive that you are going to succeed in your plan to move on. You feel less miserable, you and Mingyu do not contact each other at all, and you think that he is on the same page as you, using the short break from college to get his mind off of you. 

It is during your fifth day at home that your parents decide to make things difficult for you. They candidly and happily talked about Mingyu while you eat your breakfast in silence. You just gave your parents a pained smile as they went on and on about him, and you ignored your older sister’s knowing stare as you rushed to finish your food even if you felt like throwing up. You thought you were doing so well already, but at the simple mention of your ex’s name, you’re almost back to zero.

And then you’re absolutely sure that you’re back to zero because the next thing you do is call Mingyu. 

“I said they talked about you while we were eating breakfast this morning,” you whisper into your phone as you enter your room, locking the door behind you. You’re afraid that your sister is going to catch you talking to him because you also told her about your plan to move on, and she has been nothing but supportive about it. You didn’t want to disappoint her, as if you haven’t been loathing yourself enough already for being so quick to ring Mingyu’s number. 

“Okay, should I know what they said about me?” You could almost hear Mingyu gulp and if this is any other day, you would laugh at him for still feeling so intimidated with your parents. But now you’re just overwhelmed because you miss hearing his voice, and it’s been over six months since you last saw him physically. 

You mull over what Mingyu said, and even though he sounded afraid of what you told him, you couldn’t shake off the feeling that his words could have implied that he should no longer care about what your family says about him, and that you no longer have the obligation to share that to him.

You feel tears pricking your eyes. “I- you know what, forget it—”

“Shit, is it that bad?” Okay. Maybe he still cares. He’s Kim Mingyu, after all. He always cares, sometimes a little bit too much.

“No! No, totally not. The total opposite, if I dare say.” You begin fiddling with the hem of your shirt as you sit on the floor and stare at the window of your room. You remember how you and Mingyu shared your first kiss by the desk near your window five years ago when he stayed over your place after walking you home from school, and now you want to get out of your room because the memory isn’t helping you at all.

“Okay, then do you mind telling me? I won’t be able to sleep tonight if you don’t and I might end up dying of curiosity.” The both of you chuckle, and suddenly you feel more at ease now. Everything just feels so easy and light around Mingyu, and you wonder why things had to end when all else seemed fine and alright between you two.  

“Fine, but don’t freak out.”

If Mingyu was in front of you, you would see the multiple question marks hovering over his head as he stares at you with wide eyes and raised brows. But he isn’t and all you can hear from him is a soft hum, prompting you to continue talking. 

“Mingyu, they...they just like and adore you so much, especially my dad, which is surprising because for the past years we’ve been dating I know he intimidates you so much. But Gyu,” you take a deep breath and you’re afraid it was so shaky that he would hear it. “He said he wouldn’t mind you being his first son.”

“...what?”

Even though you and Mingyu have dated each other for five years, he always found your family, specifically your dad, intimidating. The two of you began dating when you were still in high school, and at that time your parents still weren’t so keen about you getting into relationships because they wanted you to focus on your studies. You went against their wishes, but they were nonetheless kind and accommodating towards Mingyu whenever he visited your house or you invited him to your birthday parties. Eventually he became more involved in other family events, like your eldest sister’s wedding, the first birthday celebration of your niece, and more. You love how Mingyu became more welcomed in your family, but that doesn’t stop your father from (intentionally and sometimes unintentionally) intimidating your boyfriend. Your father loves messing around when he’s fond of certain people and Mingyu knows that all too well, but sometimes he couldn’t help but feel like walking on eggshells whenever he’s around. 

Your chest feels tight and you want to cry because the time your father finally openly admits to you how much he’s fond of Mingyu—and that means a lot to you and him—that’s when the two of you have already broken up. “What he means is he wouldn’t mind you being his son-in-law because,” you pause and take a deep breath. You really can’t break down while talking to your ex on the phone right now. You should be stronger than this. “He thinks you’re very very kind, hardworking, smart, and talented...he’s really fond of you. He even sounded so sure when he said he trusts that my future will be in good hands if I spend it with you and Gyu I’m so sorry I’m saying this to you right now—”

“You haven’t told them about us breaking up yet, have you?”

You choke back a sob. “I can’t, Mingyu I’m so so sorry.” Now you’re crying. This is the first time in a long time that you’ve cried because of your breakup. You’ve been so preoccupied with the demands that come along with being a college student that you never had the time to properly process your feelings. 

Mingyu is so quiet on the line and you’re worried that you’re making him uncomfortable with your crying. 

“For the past ten months, I just can’t say it. It just never came up.” No, I just don’t want to admit to myself that we’re over. “I tried telling them earlier but dad acted like he didn’t hear me and continued saying that he’d love it so much if we tie the knot once we find stable jobs after college— shit I’m really sorry I shouldn’t have brought this up. We’re both trying to move on but it’s just been so hard for me these days and what my parents told me this morning didn’t help at all.” You cover your mouth because the sobs that desperately wanted to rip out of your throat are too much. You want to tell Mingyu that you miss him but this isn’t the perfect time for it.

There is a long pause after your rambling and for a moment you think that Mingyu already hung up on you. “Do you want us to get back together?” 

You frown. This isn’t how you expected him to react. “Well do you think things will change between us if we do?”

Chaeyeon asked you the same question before, and you realize that even if you desperately want to get back together because you cannot see yourself going on with your life without Mingyu by your side, you think there’s no point anymore. You know the two of you will fall back into the cycle of having mismatched schedules, last-minute canceled dates, repeated apologies, brief visits to each other’s dorms, and then you will get tired of it again on top of the perpetual exhaustion you’re feeling because of college. Mingyu will say the same thing and then things will get awkward between the two of you for a while, until you mutually agree that you don’t have time for each other anymore and that it would be better that you stay as friends instead, because it would hurt less that way than losing each other completely in an attempt to salvage what’s left of your relationship. 

“We can try. We can always try,” Mingyu replies. 

The determination in his voice breaks your heart. “Mingyu.”

“Then why are we still talking? We both agreed to break up, right?” He sounds so exhausted and if you aren’t so busy trying to distract yourself to stop the tears from falling, you would’ve felt more apologetic for causing this mess in the first place. 

“And we both agreed to stay friends after, right?” You retort. 

Mingyu lets out a frustrated sigh and you can almost vividly see how he runs his fingers through his hair. He always does that when the conversation becomes too frustrating for him. “You really think that works out for couples who break up?” 

You try to remember all the people you know who have broken up but remain good friends to this day. You want to prove him a point, but you know that his question is meant for the two of you. “Mingyu, I just don’t want to lose you. You’re a big part of my life already and it’s going to hurt me so much if you aren’t a part of it anymore.” 

“Me too,” you hear him sigh again and you close your eyes. Over the past five years, Mingyu has seen you in your worst and best times, and you’ve seen him go through hell and heaven multiple times already. No matter how ugly things got, you were there for each other at every step of the way. Trying to imagine a future where Mingyu can no longer comfort you with his warmth when you’re on the verge of breaking down and hug and shower you with compliments when you attain even the littlest of achievements is just too difficult for you to accept. You wonder if he feels the same way.

Mingyu’s chuckles interrupt your train of thoughts. “Wow, I can’t believe your dad’s already thinking about our marriage when we don’t even bring that up too often between us.” 

You smile. Everything’s so easy and light around Mingyu. “It’s because we’re too broke to think of that just yet.”

You can still remember how you nearly dropped your cup of coffee that one morning in your dorm two years ago, when Mingyu visited you all the way from his place that was an hour away and prepared you breakfast for your 8AM class. He asked you about your thoughts on marriage so casually as if he was just talking about the weather. You remember taking your sweet time trying to think of the right words to tell him when deep inside your brain was short-circuiting already. 

“I’ll only marry you once we’re both rich enough,” you finally reply. Mingyu grins so widely and squishes your face in his hands. 

“Okay, then we should start saving enough money from now on,” he tells you. That conversation was more than enough to make you feel happy and unbothered by the growing pile of papers and readings you have for your classes that day. 

There is a short pause on the other end of the line before Mingyu continues speaking. “I miss you.”

Those three words are what you often hear from him whenever it’s been so long since you last saw each other. You always heard him say that in a muffled voice because he’s too busy burying his face into your neck as he wraps his arms around your body tightly. Hearing it so clearly now just makes the tears in your eyes fall again. 

“Mingyu.”

“Can I at least hear you say it back one last time? Before I finally take the moving on process seriously from now on?” 

I really, really don’t want you to move on just yet. It pains you so much that this conversation serves as a wake up call for him. This isn’t the outcome you expect that you will get from this phone call, but you also know that what you wanted to happen afterwards isn’t possible. You feel pathetic that it takes you ten months to realize that the breakup is real—so, so real that the hurt is clawing at your chest and tearing down the walls you’ve built in an attempt to shield yourself from the truth that Mingyu is letting go of you and it’s about time that you do the same. 

You pick yourself up again and attempt a smile even though he wouldn’t see it. “Okay, I miss you too.” 

“Hey,” Mingyu must have sensed how upset you are. “We’ll still be friends. You’re so important to me that letting you go as a friend too would be too much for me. We should just...stop talking to each other for a while. Might help us move on a bit easier.” 

“Yeah,” you sniffle. Mingyu’s words are hurting you but listening to his voice calms you down so quickly. “You should just block my number and my social media accounts. Could be easier.”

“I told you before that I can’t do that, right?”

“Okay, then I’m blocking you instead.” You smile, remembering how the two of you had this very same conversation a month after your breakup. 

Mingyu whines your name. “You said you’d only do that if I find someone else already.”

Then go find someone else, you almost tell him, but that would just be too painful for you. You aren’t ready for that just yet, but have you to be, eventually. 

For a couple of weeks, you don’t reach out to Mingyu after that call and he does the same. Initially, it hurt you that he’s really taking the moving on process seriously already while it takes you a few more days to get on the same page as him. You still get updates about his activities and whereabouts through his social media, but that’s all that there is to it. Sometimes, your hands itch to grab your phone and message him when something interesting, funny, or upsetting happens to you in college because he’s the only person who’s so good at reacting to your stories, but you go against it each time. You have to learn how to be yourself again after being with Mingyu for so long.

The next time you meet him, it’s been slightly over a year since the breakup, and you’re nervously grabbing at the straps of your bag as you walk towards the restaurant where he’s celebrating his birthday. It feels awkward and different now that you’re heading to his party alone when over the past years, you’re always the earliest so you could help him out with the preparations. You have to get used to this, eventually. 

Mingyu flashes you the biggest smile and gives you the warmest hug once he sees you enter the place. You almost pay attention to how you feel his lips ghost over the top of your head, but you get distracted by the new faces you see at his party—you barely know anyone from his life anymore. There’s a lump in your throat and you try so hard to swallow it down but the thought of Mingyu doing so well without you anymore rings so loudly in your ears. The final stab to your chest is when you spot the girl who often interacts with Mingyu recently on his social media and appears on his stories. You don’t know who she is but you know there’s something’s going on between them now. You hate assuming, but you just know. The way they would so openly talk and joke with each other online reminds you of your early years with him. All your efforts of trying to go on with your life without Mingyu go down the drain once the feelings of insecurity drown out the rational side of you, the part where you finally accept that he won’t come back to you anymore and that you should be happy that he’s doing well. 

You take a step back and are about to make an excuse that you forgot something at home so you can leave the restaurant, but Mingyu’s worried face appears in front of you. “Are you okay?” 

You absentmindedly nod your head as you follow Mingyu into the table where Minghao and Seokmin are sitting. “Yeah, I just...I remembered I can’t stay for too long tonight.”

Mingyu stares at you and you’re afraid that he knows why you suddenly acted weirdly, especially with how his eyes wandered off to the spot where the new girl is. Instead, he shrugs and pulls a chair out for you. “Alright, just don’t disappear without telling me.”

You weakly nod at him and watch as he walks away to entertain his other visitors. 

After the guests sing a happy birthday song for Mingyu, you eat your food quietly and briefly converse with Minghao and Seokmin. You try to ignore the pang in your chest when you notice how Mingyu barely went to your table to talk to you or the other boys, and instead spend most of the dinner enthusiastically speaking to his friends in college. You realize that everything is a lot different between the two of you now and there’s a bitter taste lingering in your mouth, so you stand up and approach the birthday celebrant to say goodbye to him.

“Do you want me to walk you to the bus stop?” Mingyu offers. You pretend you don’t see the girl sitting next to him, watching you with curious eyes. 

“No I’m fine. I’m taking the subway actually.” You’re taking a step back already so you can put more distance between the two of you. 

“Are you sure?” Worry flashes in Mingyu’s eyes and you suddenly remember why he looks so concerned. 

“I’m fine with subways, Mingyu. Don’t worry.”

Still, he stands up and pulls you out of the restaurant after you say your final goodbyes to the rest of the guests. Once the cold air greets you both, Mingyu goes to stand in front of you and you raise an eyebrow at his frowning face. “What?”

“You’re not okay.”

You look away with a sigh. Mingyu still knows you all too well and it’s at times like this that you wish he doesn’t. 

“I’ll be fine, Mingyu. Let me go home now.” 

“I’m sorry,” Mingyu sounds so hurt but you don’t have it in you to look at him properly. 

You don’t know if he’s saying sorry because he barely talked to you tonight, or because of the girl in the party that you don’t recognize, or simply because he’s apologetic for everything that happened, but either way you don’t ask him. You would rather not know. 

You give him a small smile and it took so much energy for you to do so. “I think you’ve changed a lot now, Gyu. And I don’t mean that in a bad way. You look happier.”

When Mingyu doesn’t respond, you reach your hand out to lightly pat his arm. “Sorry for not staying longer. I can’t do it.” This time, you try to smile wider. “Happy birthday.”

You don’t wait for him to say something. You don’t look at his face. You don’t see the look in his eyes—the same look he gave you when you said goodbye to him after the two of you discussed your breakup. You turn around and walk away as quickly as you can. You don’t know if it’s the cold air prickling your eyes or if it’s the tears threatening to spill out, but you take a deep breath and focus your attention on the bustling streets. 

You stop by the crossroad and look at the strangers around you. You feel a lot like a stranger to Mingyu right now even if you know that he doesn’t see you in that way. But you’ll be fine. He is doing well, and so should you. 

The red light turns green and everyone else around you starts walking to cross the street. You finally take a step forward. 

[marcia-elena]

Eddie Begins - 3x15 meta

There's something about Eddie Begins that stood out to me but that I haven't seen anyone talk about yet. And that's how much birth imagery this episode had.

The episode literally starts with a birth--Christopher's--and Shannon pushing hard to bring her baby into the world. Eddie's there with her to welcome their son, and while he's not the first one to hold the baby he gets to cut the umbilical cord, an action that's required for Christopher to become a whole separate person; while he stills needs to be cared for, he's no longer physically connected to his mother. Eddie will 'cut the cord' twice more in the course of the episode, once literally and once figuratively.

The story shifts then to the rescue of a little boy who fell into a narrow well pipe and got stuck, and that immediately brings to mind the circumstances of Christopher's birth, who got stuck in the birth canal during labor--and yes, we don't see that happen in this episode, but I choose to view that omittance not as a continuity error but simply as having happened before the opening scene starts.

A tunnel is drilled parallel to the well pipe so the 118 can try to reach the trapped boy, Hayden, and Eddie volunteers for the task. Bobby tells him he has thirty minutes to find and free the boy, because the heavy rains they're under are making the tunnel walls unstable and flooding the underground system. Eddie is lowered into the tunnel and he finds Hayden, but there are unforeseen complications, and just as he's getting the boy out his team starts bringing him back up because the time he had is over, and he loses his grip on Hayden. Eddie doesn't want to leave Hayden to drown, so he cuts the line and slides all the way to the bottom, and now he's also stuck down there.

This is the literal cutting of the cord; in this instance, Eddie does it knowing beyond any doubt that his team will do everything in their power to help him and Hayden out of the trouble they're in. He trusts them with his life. In contrast, there's the flashback where Eddie's parents are urging him to relinquish custody of Christopher to them. Instead of showing pride in Eddie's efforts to provide for his son, instead of offering assistance, they try to make him feel guilty for not having been present in Christopher's life before. And it's here that Eddie cuts the cord in a figurative sense, by choosing to take Christopher to LA with him, away from his parents and whatever support system he'd had until then. He's freeing himself from them, following his own instincts. And it's in LA, with the 118 (and most specifically, Buck) that Eddie will find the kind of faith and support and unconditional love that his blood family failed to show him.

Underground, Eddie manages to pull Hayden all the way out of the well pipe, again mirroring a birth, and after Chim comes down to check on Eddie he takes Hayden with him back to the surface, into the safety of his mother's arms. Eddie's still down at the bottom waiting for a line when the storm that's been raging outside causes the walls of the tunnel to collapse, essentially burying him alive.

(Topside, Buck desperately tries to get to Eddie by clawing at the muddy ground with his bare hands; it's a futile endeavor, but one that speaks of the scope and intensity of his feelings for Eddie. The deeper the love, the more devastating the grief.)

The 118 doesn't know for sure if Eddie's alive or dead. And they're not giving up on him, but they're aware that the chances of saving him are slim. Eddie, in the meantime, is still alive but trapped. And he too will come to realize that his team can't reach him, and that he's going to have to fight for himself.

The water rises fast. The little oxygen that Eddie has runs out. He's faced with his own inevitable, and now imminent, death. But Eddie doesn't quit; just as he kept up hope in Afghanistan, just as he didn't give up on Hayden. When faced with certain death he doesn't surrender himself to it. Death will arrive, but while there's still breath in him Eddie chooses to try. That's what he's always doing--trying the best he can. And as it's often the case in life, for him now the only way out is through.

So Eddie takes a deep breath, and he dives into the water and swims. The cold is numbing and the air he's holding in his lungs won't last very long. Blackness threatens to engulf him. Eddie is now in a liminal space, poised on the very threshold between life and death. This, also, can be interpreted as birth imagery. Because what is birth if not a moment of transition? In the womb the baby is waiting, suspended in amniotic fluid where it's dark and quiet. As the mother's body goes into labor the baby is forced out into a larger world where light and noise await. The baby is alive in its mother's womb, but it's not until it's born that it can truly experience life.

There are also spiritual/religious undertones to Eddie's predicament--it can be said that Eddie is now in the underworld, a purgatory of sorts. An intermediate state where he might be purged of his sins before being allowed to rest.

Eddie relives key moments of his life, and they're all about the family he's made for himself and Christopher with Buck and the 118. It can be said that Eddie's greatest fear, and the core of his insecurities, is the sense of not being enough. It's what he confesses to Bobby when he talks about Shannon and how she'd asked for a divorce just before her fatal accident; it's what he tells his superiors in Afghanistan after saving the lives of his unit; it's what his own parents imply when they tell him that Christopher would be better off with them instead of Eddie. But here in this moment out of time, I think that Eddie looks at his accomplishments and his shortcomings and finally accepts and forgives himself. As long as he's giving his all, he is enough.

Driven by his love for his son, Eddie finds the strength to swim all the way back to the surface. His time isn't up yet, and the kind of rest that he's seeking isn't the unbroken sleep of death or an idealized Heaven, but the comfort of home.

Water symbolizes, among other things, healing and cleansing and renewal. Rebirth. So as Eddie breaks out of the water and fills his aching lungs with fresh air it's as if he's taking his first breath all over again.

Buck and Bobby and Hen all rush to Eddie's side as he staggers toward them, and when he stumbles and falls from exhaustion they lift him back up. They're all supporting him, physically and emotionally, and Buck is not only helping Eddie stay on his feet, he's lending Eddie some extra strength and reassurance by also holding his hand, just as Eddie did with Shannon when she was straining to give Christopher his final push into the world. (Just as Eddie did when he held Buck's hand when Buck was pinned under the ladder truck.) With that simple gesture Buck is telling Eddie louder than the others: "I'm here; you're not alone."

Christopher has taught Eddie to be a nurturing parent; and from Buck, the person who's closest to him, Eddie has been learning that it's okay to need and receive support, to openly express his feelings. He's been reconciling those parts of himself, embracing the more tender aspects of his personality that are associated with a more feminine energy, eschewing the toxic masculinity and the pent-up anger that led him to the fighting cage.

Is Eddie a completely changed man now after this recent brush with death? Probably not. Growth doesn't happen all at once, so he probably still has a ways to go. And that's just fine.

This, after all, is only Eddie's beginning.

***