#and we're not going to talk abt how it has literally been. a year since i last posted a set for this celebration

[laylakeating]

ELSBETH'S 2K CELEBRATION ↳ 🩶 for @tabithatate

[shhrrroooommmmmyyyyyy]

S1: The Birb's Feelings

(pt 1.5 for episode 7 and 2 for season 2 idk when cause shit's crazy rn)

Stolas is one of the most morally controversial characters in the show. With the show revolving around Blitz's relationships, it's natural that the show gives us the most information about him because he is arguably Blitz's most complicated relationship at the moment (I'm not going to include Barbie bc we've literally only seen her for like 5 minutes in one episode which isn't enough information). I wanted to do a quick overview of how I perceive Stolas's feelings throughout the duration of the show in sort of a timeline format

~Episodes 1, 2, 5~

So, at first, it's obvious Stolas doesn't really think of Blitz too romantically and mostly sexually. Ok, completely sexually. However, there's a reason why that people often overlook sometimes. Stella openly said in the season 2 premiere that the only time him and her had sex was to have Octavia. Man's literally been deprived of anything enjoyably sexual his whole life. So when he finally does have sex that's enjoyable for the first time, he naturally wants more of it

As we all know, Stolas isn't the most self aware king (or should I say prince) out there (which is okay; he's still growing and developing as a character). The way he treats Blitz in these first few episodes sort of gives off sex toy vibes. Obviously, this is where Blitz gets that mindset from, that all he is is just a toy for Stolas

But after seeing what Stolas' true personality is now, I highly doubt Stolas knew exactly how he was treating Blitz during this time. Again, self awareness issues. Natural part of his character that, after watching Viv's writing since the Hazbin pilot first released (yeah og right here), I'm positive will be developed on later in the show. So hold your horses people, we're just now 2 episodes away from only being halfway through with the show. Give it time, it'll happen

Anyways, Stolas isn't a bad person (I'll fight anyone over this take, dont play). But he does the wrong things with the right intentions. He treated Blitz the way he did in these first few episodes because Blitz was the first person he's ever enjoyed having sex with. It's a big deal to him as it sort of "awakened" him. I think he was so happy about the sex after around 35 years of nothing, he didn't fully realize how he was treating Blitz in the process

*Not an excuse, but simply a possible explanation for his actions*

~Episode 6~

My favorite episode. Stolas shows up when I.M.P.'s sort of cornered by the agents and scares them shitless with his scawy big birb form. First he makes sure Blitz is okay, then he scolds him for getting caught. Almost like a mother who's mad but cares for their well-being (crying in ghostfuckers)

This may seem small to you guys, but for me this was when Stolas became my favorite character. Not only did this moment show he's more than just the cringy comedic horny relief, it also showed that he cared. Why would he ask if Blitz is okay if he didn't care about him? That has nothing to do with the book. If it got in possession of humans he could literally just kill them in like a second and take it back. Tbh (dont come after me pls) but before this episode I didn't like my first impression of Stolas. Despite the many takes calling the cringiness of his lines in the first few episodes "iconic", I hated it. It was just too much

And in this scene it's not just that he's asking in general, it's how gentle he's being with Blitz. Holding his face and speaking a bit softer with a caring expression on his face. I love it so much (aggghghhghghgahhaagh). I know his attitude changes after a few seconds, but still it was a nice moment that reshaped my perspective on his character for basically the rest of the show

*Like I said before I'l give episode 7 it's own post cause i'm too tired and there's so much to talk abt in that episode*

[cdroloisms]

sorry to be late to the party but it does amuse me when people talk about how c!dream was going to lock tommy up in pandora yada yada butterfly behind glass doll puppet something something and like. that man didnt even have the keys . he literally didn't. like yeah he could threaten sam into compliance or whatever villainisms i GUESS but pandora being this thing that was solely under his control is just blatantly untrue--yes he made it with sam together even in canon, but sam was still the one that singlehandedly had access to literally every security mechanism in that place. dream did nawt have the keys to the vault. and like, that on its own would just be a comment that's slightly eye-rolly, right, but paired with the other common sentiment that the only reason why dream surrendered was to keep tommy from killing himself, it's EVEN FUNNIER.

like i dont blame people, necessarily, for thinking this in itself, because obviously that was the narrative that staged finale was selling (in january 2021) (that is, you know, over 3 years ago) but like the logical inconsistencies are egregious and obviously that's been pointed out since the beginning and even moreso hilarious now that the finale was confirmed staged in canon. bc what we're looking at here is that people are talking abt how dream was desperate to lock tommy up under his singular control in a box that he...literally didn't have the keys to, but was willing to be locked up in that same box because he didn't want tommy to die.

when this man had the revive book.

and limbo was literally, in a sense, a box that only he and punz had the keys to.

like if this man wanted tommy all to himself so bad all he's gotta do is let the kid die, wait til everyone leaves, and then revive his ass in the middle of his giant stage set blackstone disc vault where tommy would've had nothing, been completely defenseless, and entirely at dream's mercy with literally no one knowing that he was even alive. limbo was much more secure a box than pandora could ever hope to be considering the fact that NO ONE KNEW ABOUT THE BOOK YET and unlike with pandora, dream was the one with the keys. like if this guy's goal is apparently to "keep tommy locked up and singularly at his mercy forever" then why's he choosing to lock him up in a box he literally cant get into bc the security is entirely in the hands of a whole different guy when he could ... kill him and put him in a box that only he has the key to MAKE IT MAKE SENSEEEEE

[daisyjonesgf]

omg i was offline for a while but now im feasting on ur fics as i catch up HAHA😋🍽️ (sorry if i flood ur inbox in the process </3)

but with ur recent post talking about the reader’s trauma with hypothermia has got me #thinking. bc where i live, the weather is so spontaneous. it could be clear skies for one minute and suddenly just pouring rain/snow the next.

so i wonder what it would be like if the weather in district four was the same :( like it hurts so much thinking abt finn and the reader having a good day outside (it might be one of the first few times they’ve gone out together in a while) bc she finally feels ok enough. Then it suddenly starts raining and she just shuts down— or maybe she tries to act okay for finn because he was really looking forward to going out with his sweet girl :(( im just rambling lmao sorry

but i was also #thinking abt how on their first date, the reader jumps into the water and finnick joins her :(( and they spent the rest of their date swimming etc :(( and tft, shortly after winning her games, they probably couldn’t do that for a while bc either the cold water reminds her of the hypothermia or when marlow nearly drowned her :( I just imagined finnick swimming by himself and missing his sweet girl :((

idk i just be saying things HAHA ok time to catch up on everything 🏃‍♀️💨

-🦅

literally missed you so much pookie 💋💋

I hope you eat well and literally please flood my inbox I love it so so much

reader is literally like a professional masker most of the time lmao. so like maybe they're a few months out from her games, the spontaneous weather of it all has made it really difficult for her to go outside besides going to the markets with finnick a couple of times or sitting on the balcony. and she's so confused about how she feels about the ocean now because she loves it and always has, but now it makes her survival instincts kick in or brings her back to a place of near death. eventually when the water was warm she'd be able to to do warm water, and after a few years it really restricts itself to the cold and freezing rain, but for a while her relationship with water and the weather is very tumultuous.

but like finnick sees the weather is nice one day and asks reader if they can go sailing again. he hasn't been able to enjoy doing it alone since he first did it with her, and he misses it. and she misses it too even if it's difficult to let herself do, and she wants him to be happy. so she agrees. he packs lunch, she picks a book to read to him, he's got his fishing poles, and everything is set up. for most of the day it's good, it's warm and sunny, they're both grateful for the heat to be beating down on their skin. finnick would notice the clouds coming in first and quietly try to start leading the boat back to shore. letting her keep reading as not to disturb her, so this will just be a close call instead. but the weather has other plans and when he realizes this he has no choice but to mention it.

"angel, I'm sorry, I'm trying to get us back to shore, but it looks like it's going to rain. we're not going to be in it for long, I'm sorry."

and she's his sweet girl, so even though her stomach is turning with anxiety, she smiles through it. "it's okay, finn, I'll be fine." he knows it's a lie and she's already curling up into a ball, but there's not much he can do except reassure her that it will be okay. then the rain starts, it's not terribly cold, but it's rain. she strains to make small talk, but it's impossible to resist the urge to transport herself back into the arena. to cover her ears and try to provide warmth from curling up.

and finnick is trying to sail back, but also protect her from the rain, to tell her that it's all okay, to rub circles on her hands to keep her planted in reality. but by the time they've made it back to the pier she's having a full blown panic attack, that she can't hide even if she tries.

and he's getting her back out of the rain, into the house as fast as he can. getting her dry, bringing her back, breathing deeply, asking her to name things she smells, sees, hears, feels. when she's calmed down she's still crying and so apologetic.

"I'm sorry, you should go back out, I know you were excited. I'm really sorry, I always ruin everything."

"no, no, no, no, hey, hey sweet girl, don't be sorry. I'm not upset and you didn't ruin a thing, I just wanna take care of you."

once upon a time reader and finnick could swim every single day, multiple times and then suddenly it was stopped. not just because of the weather, but the water. and he'll never push it but he misses swimming with his sweet girl. he'll think non-stop about her, collect little treasures for her, but he diligently waits for her to slowly get accustomed to everything before then. but when she finally does start swimming with him again it'll be totally worth the wait.

yes yes yes, I hope you enjoy it ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[youlooklikeasixtiesqueen]

here are all my thoughts and notes from purcon!! not formatted for tumblr but readable!!!

Day 1:

Opening:

everyone was so happy to be there, and so shocked how many people were there!!! 2500!!!

they showed vids before bringing everyone on stage and continued that throughout the panels. it's a cute touch

Misha auto:

he smiled and i got shaky knees and giggled like a 12 year old with a crush

jensen was at the table next to him!!

very quick but there was a huge line

he signed my book!!

i said "hi misha" and he said hi back

he looked at my destiel shirt and smiled :)

Ty & DJ:

started by telling us thank you for the congrats on their engagement

you can see how much they love each other!!! no pda but the way they look at each other!!

plus they both said multiple times that meeting each other was the best thing that happened

dj has been obsessed with eastenders since the 90s, never missed an episode

ty told everyone not to smoke cigarettes

dj had a glass of wine (it was 1pm)

left 5 mins early to get the Darius auto

Meeting Darius:

so nice and kind!! gentle vibes, literally what you would expect from misha's best friend

i was 2nd in line out of four people

four people in the autograph group so he talked to us all for about 15 minutes as a group

he signed his name on the picture, then asked if misha was going to sign it as well. i said no so he asked if he could sign misha's name for him and we all laughed and i said yes and it literally looks like misha wrote it

he told us him and misha have a competition to see who can bring the other person to a bigger event - darius took misha to the oscars, misha took darius to meet zelensky, but now darius got invited to meet the pope!!

talked to us a bit about filmmaking and how the picture aspect is basically the same throughout film history, but sound changes every week

it took 26 weeks in post for the sound of metal to get the sound right

he's friends with emilia clarke??? and said that she was so upset over the got ending because so many babies have her character's name

he felt the spn ending was rushed

sooooo handsome in person and the nicest voice

darius is getting austrian citizenship bc his grandma was from austria but she had to flee

Mark:

only saw the last bit but he was of course wandering the crowd

talked a lot about mental health and how we're not alone

said the best place to have a panic attack is a spn convention

Sachin & Osric:

fun!! not that interesting but fun!!

sachin just learned about destiel. like minutes before the panel started

talked about being poc in the industry and how much better it has gotten

Jared:

it was fine but again not interesting

talked about pranks

talked about maybe being on the boys

talked about mental health

Misha & Jensen:

an hour late bc they made jensen do photos :(

they played the confession right before they walked on stage???

question queue was very long, they took about five or six not so great questions

someone asked what their fave gym equipment is (wtf) and misha said it's the towel to slap others on the butt with

but they were very fun!!

some people decided to tell a sob story at the mic which wasted time. like they know you love supernatural, they know you're nervous, you don't need to tell them.

they joked around a lot

three touches!! fingers, high five, hug!!!

you can just see how much they adore each other

darius was sitting on the steps but they wouldn't give him a microphone :( hopefully he'll come out at misha's panel tomorrow

Day 2:

Jared & Jensen VIP:

question abt Radio Company coming to Germany

Jensen says they're discussing it, his fave songs are Quarter To and City Grown Willow

Mario Kart characters - Jared Yoshi because he poops eggs, Jensen Blue Shell guy??, his 7yo plays Rosalina, JJ can beat him in Mario Kart now

Jared is 25% German (maternal grandpa)

Jensen wants to turn his next Purcon visit into a vacation

one person is talking so slowwwww

Jensen would want to reshoot Bugs without the bees

They had to do a bee allergy test where someone actually picked up a bee with tweezers and made it sting them

3 part question 🙄 with backstory 🙄 about their kids and if they can grow up normal and if they have a strategy if their kids read fanfic

Jensen played baseball in HS

His first school play was a musical

Mark:

thanked us for letting them do the panels in english without a translator

Crowley was more excited to spend time with Dean instead of being in Hell

Mark went upstairs and helped a fan who had a bad photo with Jared

Got a standing ovation

Ty & DJ:

DJ used anti wrinkle creme on his balls but he stopped when his doctor said it would make him infertile

Ty told us to listen to a 23yo Canandian who sounds like Johnny Cash (Colter Wall??? maybe??)

Ty listens to a lot of country, DJ doesn't really have strong feelings about music

DJ adopted a dog who pissed on his belongings for 10 years - he was supposed to live until about 2 bc of health problems

DJ says to watch the movie Overboard

several questions were asked yesterday

DJ, Ty, and Ty's daughters have matching tattoos (they got them drunk) it's a little skull

Sachin & Osric:

Osric is Timon, Sachin is Pumba

Misha:

couldn't do notes bc i was in line!! wasn't picked tho, because everyone rushed to the microphone before the last panel was over

one person spent five minutes monologuing

misha said people should ask him questions on their knees

Bishagate reference!! He asked a girl if she was coming out as an alien and she said "that's rich coming from you", Darius laughed so much (while he was still on the stairs)

Compared whipped cream to cum

Darius was on stage!!

Jared:

greeted us with Guten Abend, Guten Tag, and howdy y'all

said it's not a goodbye to spn, it's a see you later

said swan song was easier than sacrifice bc he was lucifer for swan song so he had to act... reminder: that's his job...

first question was not a question

second question was a prank question

trivializing the thing where jared put coins in misha's car!!! wtf

praising mark p ew

woman keeps talking about her alarm sound which is german dean

called out a woman's shirt that says "save an impala, ride a winchester"

looks like jared will be on the boys, he basically confirmed it

he likes mountains more than beaches

says they might do a beach episode in the future

talking about the finale and the dean death scene

wants to bring jdm to the next con

Jensen:

GIANT line to ask a question

first woman named her kid Dean Jensen

hates toy slime bc it's all over his house

danneel moves a creepy doll around the house to mess with jensen

question abt cas in the winchesters and cas returning!! how to address the confession!! jensen thinks the confession was a long time coming and beautiful and raw and real!! dean understands cas loved him!! said cas saying he loves dean was clear text (rather than subtext) said cas and jensen found each other and when they meet again cas' feelings are just understood

says demon dean is stronger than soldier boy bc demon dean has no soul

boys question - jensen talks about herogasm, jack quaid just told jensen good luck when he went on set, nobody on set knew what was lube and what was hand sanitizer, he was unprepared to see so many naked people, he was standing next to a guy when the robes came off and he "had to do the glance", couldn't help looking at people having sex "there's four people here in a position i've never seen before"

woman crying while asking a question

woman said dj said he wanted to exchange his husband for jensen, and jensen said he doubts it because ty is pretty great

woman telling bad jokes, one about how women having orgasms is like a snowstorm because you can't see it coming?? not true for either i think

jensen needs to do more solo panels. i could listen to him talk for hours

i can't believe i was in the same room as this man wtf

[13reasonstoeatthatcake]

Fourth Wing's Worldbuilding

I'm currently reading Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros and I adore the concept of the world, but so far all of the crumbs of worldbuilding I've been given only make me want more. I've heard that apparently she doesn't get much into it in the first book, but I love worldbuilding and I have a lot of questions I'm sure she's not going to answer so I've written them down for myself for later (hopefully) fanfic worldbuilding instead. These are very much not in order.

how is general sorrengail allowed to place violet in a quadrant made up of volunteers in the war college she's the general in charge of and kick her out of the scribe quadrant without a valid reason, is that not some sort of preferential treatment?

what is the rough technological advancement of the world, are there mass-produced weapons or singular smiths? why is not metalwork a course in the war college/another college? do they use ppl with metal bending signets instead?

is the person with the make-small-things-big signet able to do that with food? is that food nutritious? what is the common diet of the navarre and is it different between what violet as a highclass general's daughter (albeit one w a disability as opposed to a soldier) is used to eating?

how does trade work when navarre is allegedly ignoring the fuck out of the literal apocalypse happening outside its borders? are there other continents that saw the venin invasion and were like 'fuck nah, we're bailing' and just. wrote the whole damn continent off??

does the whole, brutal darwinist society mentality affect anything else in the country?? like the characters admit basgiath is brutal yes but they also talk about removing the weak for the good of the wing a lot, is this also common in other spheres of life? is infant mortality relatively high because if they have a visible disability they're seen as lesser? what does this mean for violet, does she feel the priviledge of being alive as a high-class military family member, since she has obvious internalised ableism or is she stubbornly refusing to see herself and any theoretical disabled children as one and the same in order not to think too deeply abt it (she never sees herself as explicitly disabled as far as i've read, just 'broken'); what does the theoretical darwinism of the society mean for healthcare and its accessibility? are only 'badge-of-honor' disabilities (like lost limbs or other permanent damage from battle and such mental illnesses like PTSD) valid, or are they also looked down upon? what does the existence of menders mean for healers? birth control is obviously not an issue, how are periods treated? are there mental health experts?? if a mender were to 'mend' the battle wounds of a trans man who's undergone gender-correcting surgery, will the gender-correcting surgery also be undone???

how does a culture predisposed to short, practical hair for all genders view hair-care? there's a precedent for hairdye and funky modern-world punk hairstyles in the riding quadrant, but how do common ppl see it? what haircare products and hairstyle trends are there, do high-class ppl imitate riders?

how do newbies deal with watching their comrades being burnt to ash? is there a disdain for ppl who refuse to eat meat because it seems like having a weak stomach not to want to eat cooked meat after watching your friends be cooked to death? does that mean there's a portion of ppl learning to shovel food in their mouths without tasting it in order to get nutrition and/or not look weak, which in turn makes them easier to poison? how does that intersect with probable religious cults/sects where there's food restrictions?

how come there’s 171 first years but 5-6 ppl in a squad and three squads per squadrons? am I just bad at math?

why does a dragon bond with jack who tried to kill a dragon baby? is there a possible larger disagreement in how to choose a worthy rider in the empyrean, and are Sgaeyl and Tairn on the more or less popular side with their opinion kindness is important?

why is Violet, the daughter of a war general whose siblings are soldiers actively fighting a war, so against taking a life? is it something religious, done to spite her mother, a gripe because of the way her scribe father raised her, a distaste for death? is it because they're on the same side/she wouldn't have an issue killing ppl if they were in an official skirmish?

how widespread is the erasure of culture and language after the unification?

how many languages on average should one learn if they’re a soldier, a scribe, a normal civilian? are there multiple scripts being taught or just the cyllian(?) one? how do spies and information gathering work if the larger public isn't supposed to know about venin?

what do civilians think of the 600-year war they’re supposedly leading against Poromiel, are they dissatisfied Navarre isn’t winning yet? What are they being told is the reason they're not allowed to cross the ward-borders of the country (if they're allowed to leave at all)? Does Navarre have somebody with a signet like Imogen's and are deleting/rewriting memories instead? Does Navarre even know Imogen has a signet like that at all, or is she lying about it?

the scribes have apparently been hiding the truth of the world for centuries, but as violet’s dad says history survives in folklore; does that mean there’s a sizeable portion of Navarre that remembers venin because they can’t murder every single superstitious villager? does that mean settlements around the borders are discouraged bcoz that means there’s a bigger chance of someone seeing smthn, or are border villagers discouraged from entering the army? surely talking abt myths like venin isn’t forbidden but maybe military families keep silent bcoz of class loyalty and not let common-born up the ranks but use them as canon-fodder against venin to make sure the info isn’t leaked to the civilians?

what is the common level of literacy in this society anyways?

if assassins can volunteer to come to the rider’s quadrant to take out their targets, how do they leave or get paid?

are there inside assassination jobs, like if somebody is conscripted as a punishment for a crime like the Marked Ones as a method of execution but ends up surviving, can someone be ordered to dispose of them? in that case is it an official execution or is it an illegal assassination?

why did nobody react to andarna being yellow if there’s no yellow dragons, did they just think she was a mega-weak orange??

why does dain know abt the empyrean and mentions it to violet but professor kaori the dragon expert is excited abt learning more, shouldn’t they already be aware of it?

why does the common misconception that dragons despise weaklings exist, why do the dragons not correct it or confirm it?

how do religion and dragons intersect if dragons canonically aren’t impressed with human gods? does that mean that once upon a time bonding with a dragon meant being the fantasy equivalent of a satan worshipper? if every single god has a separate temple like it’s said Amari has a temple in Aretia then does that mean that, just like in Ancient Greece, every kingdom-now-province had a separate patron god? if yes, then were they a pantheon from the beginning or were they monotheistic religions that merged together after the unification, does that mean there’s separate cults for every god, traditionalist and reformist worshippers? can you tell from what province someone is by which gods they call upon, do they have different hymns or prayers, does every god/cult/province have different superstitions and attitudaes towards different tyopes of dragons or signets, what was the historical attitude towards inntinnsics, were they priests, demigods, cursed?

do dragons know when their next bonded human will be their last, is it something to do with their power level, the closeness of their bond, and (i forgot this question but it was smthn to do w signets?)

do they or do they not use saddles and if not then what is the purpose of the pommel thing on top of the dragon they hold onto that I keep reading about?

if tairn and sgaeyl bone so fucking much then why haven't they had a hatchling yet? is there a dragon contraceptive???? is it some sort of magical 'i'm not getting pregnant if i don't want to'? is it some sort of mystical 'only on the first blood-moon in february and after we murder three virgin goats together' type of deal???

[lunicho]

Saw this on another blog and wanted to send it to you too ☺️

Pick any 5 moots and describe them using 3 words! <3

ooh this is so cute, i love when ppl ask me to talk abt my moots cuz i love bragging about them!! the hard part is picking 5 moots to do this with hmm

@adoresol - passionate, honest, and devoted. i have actually been good friends with her for a good like four years now i think omg so there's many words to describe her but i think these are the best ones for now. she feels deeply and is very genuine in her emotions which is something i admire about her. she's also extremely honest, i love this about her because if i ask her something she'll be straight up with me. she's also very devoted bc like why is she still my friend LMAOOO she's so loyal and just like!?!?!?!?!?!??! my pookie wookie bear fr, i've told her so much cheesy corny shit abt how i feel abt our friendship so i'll spare y'all

@kissohee - its so hard to describe her with just three words! but i would say chaotic, lovable, and genuine. i never feel stress when talking to her and we've grown comfortable with one another quite quickly. i think we just have had this connection from the beginning and she just made me so so comfortable. she's also so loveable like im gonna hold her hand fr she's so cute. and she's so genuine, i always feel that she means everything that she says and it makes me even more comfy with her. she's also just like me we're both so random and we both talk a lot so its the perfect pace for me. the convos are always so fast like idk if ppl would be able to keep up with us and how much we switch topics LMAO but yeah! i hope that we just get closer and closer in the future and that she's always happy <3 (also open-minded would be a rlly good one for her but only her and i know why and that's the way its gonna stay LMAO)

@sminiac - saiii!!! i never include her in my moots posts so i wanted to this time :3! i'm gonna say kind, inviting, and adorable. she's literally so so kind, everytime i send smth or interact with her she's like "my dearest bunny!" AND IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY SO SO HAPPY!! she's always so sweet to me and like idk smth abt her is just so adorable. plus her blog rn is so adorable i love the layout. i do still get anxious to send too much stuff and things like that but ur so so welcoming and inviting that ik im always welcome but im scared to be annoying LMAOGDJ. i hope we can yap more and more abt 8turn tgt and just chat some more!!

@bubblegyu00 - energetic, humorous, and chatty,, our convos are extremely fast paced and go on for the entire day. i'm always laughing at smth or we're always losing it over smth someone did (usually a zb1 member or nicho tbh). she's energetic and keeps up with my pace and i do the same with hers. she also makes me laugh which is why i said she's humorous. we're always going on and on abt the same 3 things yet we never get tired of it like its gonna eat every single time PLS. BUT YEAH she's super fun, her nonnie to friend storyline is very very iconic and i love that for her. can't wait to keep screaming about kyungmin over and over <33

@xhdream - we've started to talk in the dms now and dinna's such a sweet girlie :(. i would describe her as easy-going, charming, and friendly. dinna's sooo so cute and always so sweet to me and she has been since the beginning. talking to her has been so fun so far cuz she's very approachable and she engages in the conversation so so much. our time difference is very big so we have to catch each other at a specific time but it's worth it everytime. there's just something about her that's so fun and so kind and that's why i said she's charming. her and her blog just have this good and sweet energy that i really really enjoy <3

[fappellmoan]

ok and now i need to talk this out on here cause like in all reality idc that much but this is just a little. awk. i might do this under the cut just so i can talk in a bunch of little paragraphs if thats chill ok ty

sooooo right ive mentioned that sam has been talking abt having beef specifically w his roommates but also that friend group at large bc they went on spring break trips w/o him. The roommate took a duo trip with fellow dyke and everyone else did like a big thing together erm

right thats just the context idrc except for the amount of times sams vaguely alluded to it and idk any other details. um but he has called his roommates like the 'poison pills' of the whole ordeal since they literally live together (but they havent been that close. prob since their freshman year when sam was out for a semester. which isnt inherently er bad but hes acting like hes been victimized for the last few years)

and like last night after this long sesh of working on our assignment sam and i r walking to the bus stop and he says something about finding out just like shitty awful drama and how it sucks having to live with 'two of those people' lmao sorry im not laughing im just like. whatever

this said i have plans to see. should i name sams roommate. ok i cant do that rn but we have plans to hang on monday and i would be seeing sam like immediately after for class. and esp if we're hanging out on campus like we might have a repeat of last time where sam spots us out and im not sure if he'd approach and hang this time. but hes obviously aware that me and them like chat

so it's like not so subtle that hes trying to get me to either ask abt the roommate or flat out not trust/see them anymore and i just havent engaged which might come across as "fake" but like. well ill be honest man theyre all a year younger than me and that doesnt mean much but it does feel very immature to handle things this way idk the whole story but im not gonna get roped into the like Omg i cant talk to this person bc of beef idk about...

and maybe i should feel worse abt not being #loyal to someone who is or at least at one point was considered a friend esp when it comes to someone that yeah ig he does know better than i but i dont... sorry ive been talking abt this bitch like cady and regina george except im not psychosexually obsessed im just like. hes been more insufferable than i remember lately yk.

i feel the Tiniest bit bad and like oh have i taken advantage of u bc yk we've hung and smoked and had dinner together often at ur place and def wormed my way into talking to the roommate via u etc but then i remember the way sam talks abt like anything and i dont feel all that bad

and theres this whole thing abt the eclipse i dont have plans to go see it it might happen last second but now after sams asked me abt it and messaged me like yeah idk we (him and his bestie) could maybe take a bus but we'd need a place to stay (asking to stay w my family bc i mentioned it like once on my close friends) and then theyre like going to a diff city anyway like oh my gooooood it's gonna be seen as shady and i dont really CARE i just need assurance that this is stupid as hell and its ok if im a little bit of an asshole about it. i dont think being mad abt the eclipse would hold up but w/e

has not been at the top of my worries and still isnt but now that this is all coming up in the next week im like frank g*llagher voice (sorry) oh Jesus Christ. you know

[seiwas]

HALLOOOO SEL!!!! HRU?! What have u been up to?! I remember reading ur response to my previous ask about my uni crush and some updates lolz! I’ve never been this down bad for a man this is lowkey embarrassing but we move😭

He was speaking to a friend of his on the phone n he was so SO excited to talk about some book lolz. like literally moving the hands, the excitement in his voice ahhhksjskdjs. When i asked him about it, He even recommended one to me and i ended up reading a 500 something page book in like……2 days (pls im pathetic) BUT in my defence, the book was actually super interesting 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ I enjoyed it too + i got to talk to him about his favs! He’s so sweet about this as well, he asked me who my fav characters are n if i have some theories 🤧

He’s asked me to read the second part of it soon cuz he’s super excited to talk more about it n doesn’t want to spoil it for me🥲

in conclusion, idk what to say except that i really REALLY like him😔😔

but enough about me!! Hows it going for u n mr sel😋 I hope y’all are doing super good ♥️

zuro anon

zuro anon hello omg 🥺 im so on and off ive been terrible at responding to you, i'm so sorry!! 😭😭

i've been okay!! the past week has been a whirlwind shjdbfjs started it out reaallly sick (as in coughing with no voice and everything) and i had an important presentation at work 😭 i took some antibiotics and got well really fast fbsajh and just yesterday, i attended a concert of one of my absolute faves 🥺 (it was a last minute one too!! i wasnt supposed to go but a friend gave me a ticket for free 🥺)

but omg crushes are always equally sweet and equally embarrassing sgdbfsjd it's soul crushing i think but also the most floaty experience ever 🥺 truly i adore you for finishing that book in 2 days omg the dedication 🥺 and i'm glad you found it interesting at least!! (shows that you have similar tastes too 🙂‍↕️ i love how it's a lil bonding thing for you two 🥺🥺🥺 SO CUTE! i as well can't wait for you to read the 2nd part so you can talk to him more about it HIHIHIHIHI

(since it's been some time since you sent this... pls let me know if there have been any more developments... JHDSBFASD WAHHAH)

it's so sweet of you to ask about me and mr. sel too!! 🥺 we're doing super well!! it was his birthday a week ago and i felt all mushy abt it bc he's my favourite person 🥺 and the best person in this world ever (to me) 🥺 we're still ldr now but he's coming to visit at the end of the year! he wanted it to be a surprise but couldn't keep it a secret anymore LOL 😭😭😭

[starjxsung]

Hi Star!! Please don't apologize for being away! We all have life and I know you've been going through some health challenges and work has been hectic - I just hope you're doing well and taking care 💕 sounds like life is putting you through it a bit and I just wanna let you know we're here to listen (or at least I know I am 💗) and that we care so so so much about you!!! School is going well!! I'm actually so hyped for the term. Overall I enjoy my courses. Plant Biology and Forest Ecology my beloved - I LOVE plant ID. All the labs for Forest Ecology are outside in the forest at my uni and for our final lab exam we have to memorize how to ID 70 indicator plants and their latin names and soil moisture and soil nutrients just from their branches - it'll be a fun challenge! One of my profs is WORLD FAMOUS for her research and I freaked out when I found out she was my prof. I also have been keeping in touch with a couple of profs from last year and it's been so great chatting with them - they said I could maybe TA their courses next year 👀 I've also been making an effort to make more friends and introduce myself - I've found a lot of people I met last year we kinda were just class friends and not really friends friends which is fine because that happens - I just wanna get to know more people and make more friends and find those I really click with. So far a few from last year I've still found to have stuck around which is nice :) I've also met some really nice new friends and it makes me so happy (some not so nice but that's okay I just won't try talking to them anymore haha). TW: S3xual assault???

urgh south africa guy. guess what! hasn't messaged me since my last update abt him. so like. welp. I'm actually happy that he hasnt now. like at the time i was like :((( . but now im like good fcking riddance bro. blocked! basically i went back and analysed things and realized yeah he was taking advantage of me and emotionally manipulating me. literally conditioned me to have sex with him??? like in conversations we had literally before we were anything. literally wanna throw up everytime i think about any ounce of time i spent with him even if it was just standing there. like. idk i finally talked it all out with a friend who was on the south africa trip too (she had her own situation with another dude on the trip - he fucking followed her to prague??? whole other messed up story.......) anyways, i realizsed that the whole situation was fcked up and he didn't care abt me at all and was prolly also just keeping me around cause he fetishizes asian women!! yay!!! idk i feel very physically used. which feels gross. tryna decide if I feel like this is borederline SA idk processing it all cause guess who has trauma and repressed it the whole time and was thinking everything was fine!! I could bring up a lot more sht that happened but im not really feeling like typing it out or thinking about it. I just. i cant help but feel its my fault for being stupid and naive :( even tho many people have told me its not. its just hard not to :( anyways, on a brighter note i forgot if i mentioned this in my europe update but so like i made friends with another kid on the norway tour thing. he was a fun kid to hang out with and mess around with. hes like 5 years younger than me tho. tbh was very mature tho. anyways, thought we wouldnt talk each other ever again after. but we had exchanged discords so we could message during the trip abt like when to go to the pool n sht. anyways, we ended up messaging little by little. and then like having convos. and turns out we are like almost identical people. just . living thousands of km apart and in different countries and like 5 year age difference. like i have two youngers brothers. and hes the same age as my youngest brother. and he feels like another younger brother to me now its so adorable. he'll share stuff with me and like its so easy to converse and hes so sweet??? anyways, literally makes my days better. adorable kid. i could tell you all the ways hes become my third brother but it's a lot lol. Love you lots Star 💕 make sure you're taking breaks! I don't want your eyes to die trying to work on fics and things!! xoxo 🌱

HI MY LOVE…… I missed you so much and I missed getting your little updates !! When I tell you I got SO EXCITED getting this one fkfickjdkdkfkfkdkd there’s so much to unpack I’m so stoked !! I’m doing okay (just hating everything related to my job) but I’m pulling thru and I think in a few weeks I’ll feel a little more like myself again :’)

Okay your classes sound SO COOL???? I can’t tell you that be able to memorize the Latin names of any plants bc that sounds hard as hell but THAT’S SO COOL….. also your professor being world famous is literally the coolest thing ever???? Isn’t it SO exciting when you have a well known professor 😭 I had a professor who was the man behind the “little baby ice cream” commercials (that rly weird one of the guy eating ice cream off his head…. It’s kinda scary??) and when I tell you I FLIPPEDDDDD WHEN HE TOLD ME….. like I had so much to ask him and pick his brain about kjsjckdkdjdkfjfj also I’m so glad you’re making so many friends! It’s somehow so much harder to make friends in college than you’d think bc people are so focused on their studies & just keeping to themselves. But when you find people you really click with it’s truly the best feeling :’) side note if we met in a class I just know we’d be besties like in another universe I just know we’re in a plant class together and we get in trouble for talking too much LMFAOOO

anyways I’m really sorry to hear about South Africa guy :( I was truly rooting for you guys and I’m so disappointed to hear he just seems like another loser who used you for sex. Honestly I was in a super similar situation with the first guy I ever “dated” and had a serious relationship with. We agreed to be a fwb arrangement but to still stay exclusive to each other bc otherwise it’d just feel icky. Which I knew deep down I didn’t want because I just wanted to be with him, but I feel like we’re really susceptible to just settling for any version of a man we can get, just so that we don’t lose them. Of course this turned into a full year of me being at his beck and call whenever he wanted a sexual favor, and sending like thousands of pics whenever he wanted them. He’d literally ask me to leave family functions and send pics/vids of myself no matter where I was. In hindsight it was fucking disgusting and I think it really fucked me up sexually & emotionally and I just wish I could go back and grab myself by the shoulders and YELLLL at fact that I ever agreed to be that with him 😭 you can’t blame yourself for this unfolding though, you did the best you could with what you were emotionally able to handle at the time, and unfortunately you both had different wants out of this relationship. He didn’t deserve you in the slightest and he’ll just do this to the next girl who shows him a modicum of attention. You are truly such a fantastic, beautiful, SMART, wonderful girl and you deserve so much better than the lousy cards these guys deal you. Take time to heal and make sure you’re ready to be in another relationship when you’re ready, but know what this isn’t the defining point of what you’re worth or meant for. There are only better things and experiences and people still waiting for you, and dumping that loser guy is just another step forward for you. I’m proud of you for understanding your worth and acknowledging this might just be a trauma response. You’re not a loser, you’re not naive, and you do NOTTTT deserve someone who’s just around to fetishize your existence. You only deserve the best, most unconditional love and attention 💓

I’m so glad you did get a friend out of the trip though !! That sounds like the plot of some coming of age film LOL I hope you guys continue to stay friends for a long time! Sometimes you find friendship where you least expect it 🫶

I love you so so so much my angel, please take it easy and be kind to yourself. What you’ve been through hasn’t been easy, but remember you’re also crushing it in college, you traveled the world and you’re an amazing artist. And no shitty man will ever take that away from you !!!! You deserve someone who matches your energy !!!!! Your aura is like +100000 at any given moment don’t ever forget it 🌱💓🫶 I LOVE U.

[yuukei-yikes]

please just rewrite kagepro i'm BEGGING i love your head cannons !!! love you jin but vinnie on top. also haruka is so AAAAAAA and it's so interesting how you talk ab his weird vibes w the dan !! it's like "whoops konoha's gone but have this silly guy instead" and said silly guy is extremely guilty about htis. sorry this is all over the place but yeah. the silly guy filter

i went a lil crazy on this reply. partly an analysis, partly str headcanons. in general about haruka and how he feels about his livelihood 💥💥💥

haruka's survival guilt misadventures💗💗💗

since he saw everything konoha saw it's like he became one-sided friends with everyone because he knew everyone konoha knew and of course cared for them just as much but none of them know him. he knows first hand how much everyone loved konoha because he saw it!!!

i think generally post str haruka&takane deal with a lot of existential crisis LMAO takane because she says it felt like the whole time she was ene could've been a dream and etcetc sorry i wont sidetrack to takane like i keep doing. erm. but her too okay... anyways haruka

He Should've Died Years Ago and didn't and like... in over the dimension he mentions how he used to believe in the prospect of heaven but then as time went on and his condition worsened and his time to go approached, he became more depressed and his thoughts became SUPER negative. he was like THERE IS NO HEAVEN EVERYONE IS JUST LYING TO MAKE U FEEL BETTER BUT AFTER DEATH THERE IS ONLY DARKNESS. and then he does die and neither of these things happen, he doesnt go to heaven and he doesnt stop existing. if we're staying on theme with the heaven thing he mentions, instead he essentially ends up going to hell. he literally gets stuck in Personified Hell watching the konoha cringe comp like. come on.

i hc everyone in the daze can sort of move freely and meet each other EXCEPT haruka precisely bc he still has a link to his body/the outside world. i think it's SO interesting that the daze is truly another dimension and swallows people as they are BUT HARUKA specifically it's his consciousness/spirit/whatever. we dont talk about this enough. the concept of spirits and shit being canon in kagepro. like HE IS THE ONLY ONE who is just a mind with no actual physical body?? so bc of the link to the outside he still has bc of it, he can't move freely inside the daze and can't do anything other than sit there and just Watch what konoha does, hibihiyo timeloop and all. so like. LITERALLY FUCKING HELL. he's alone not only for the 2 years but also for however long konoha was in hibihiyos loop. i think he can only move around in the eighth novel because he has finally lost the link to his body

and haruka speaks of how lonely his life is and by the way he speaks i think he had sort of repressed the way he felt about his illness. cuz he grew up lonely, not only already sick but seeing first hand the way his illness is killing/kills someone else, his mother. cuz before she died he had to see her suffer through it, right.. there is no mention of how she was as a person but i imagine she was either really depressed haruka ended up sick too OR... She was like his dad and talked about it a little insensibly. his father being really cold and straight to the point with "you will also die like her, give or take in 6 years" when he is TEN!!!HE WAS SO SMALL!!!! at the beginning of his novel haruka is like. yeah i have like a year left to live. but oh whatever. everyone dies I'll just hit the sack a little before ideal that's fine.

i could go on for longer abt haruka's parents and different hcs about the kind of people they are but teehee. i won't sidetrack.

haruka grows up conditioned to think that way and represses his feeling of sadness because that's what he was taught to do by his parents and it essentially became his coping mechanism. takane says it herself at one point abt how haruka has a "yeah whatever" attitude. like word for word

it's only by the next summer when that year actually goes by and he is DYING that he starts despairing and becoming super negative about it and ends up begging for his life because he doesnt wanna die.

that defense mechanism that has fallen apart since then because of his despair when dying sort of built itself back up when haruka enters the daze. once inside the daze doesn't haruka always seem so offbeat and exactly like "yeah whatever"?? because what else is he supposed to do lmao. there is nothing to hope for. there is nothing here. there is no one or nothing to smile at or for. there's just this thing piloting his body outside doing shit he'd like to do and meeting people he'd like to meet. in fact he even seems bitter

that's why str haruka is generally more serious? ofc he's still happy and all cheerful like always but in the canon content str haruka feels like. he really feels grown up, compared to others. same goes for characters like ayano&takane, mostly bc we see them again after a timeskip but still. with haruka especially i think!! thats also why i think jin chose him specifically to express this weird growing up feeling.

so. erm. now he's back and of course he's happy and excited but all these feelings HAVE a lasting impact. they dont just disappear u know. he thought he'd die, then he did. and now he's alive?? and on top of it an adult?? and has to figure out what the hell to do?? being back from the dead after is already a complicated situation by itself. and there's all these complicated feelings with all these people he loves but they dont even know him and he's very happy everyone seems to be willing to get to know him but he can sense how sad they are about konoha, because he Saw the friendship they established with it.

and haruka's like... i am the only person here who ended up bizarrely benefiting from everything that happened. because for everyone else, if for example clearing eyes wasnt evil, they kind of would've made it through. mekatrio wouldve suffered their sad backstories, them+ayano&kenjirou would've suffered ayaka's loss anyway yeah, but further than that it wouldn't have gone downhill. takane and ayano wouldnt have had to die, shintaro wouldnt have become a shut in, kano wouldve never hidden anything from his siblings, hibiya and hiyori wouldn't meet that fate in the city. and haruka would die at 17 years old, period!!!

he is so guilty for being alive when the very thing that helped him survive put everyone else through so much pain. he is so guilty for being thankful for it. ofc its NOT LIKE THAT, OF COURSE HE SHOULDNT BE GUILTY, but i think that's how haruka sort of receives this sudden survival.

not only that but... someone else died for him to be here too. haruka isn't only guilty for that bizarre gratitude but also... konoha!!!

how much does he deserve this when u put konoha in question too?? people who loved haruka, like takane and shintaro, have already mourned him. while konoha is being mourned by like 7 more people. people that again, HARUKA ALSO LOVES BUT THEY DON'T REALLY KNOW HIM!! technically thats not fair then. so maybe konoha deserves it more!?!?! of course haruka is human and konoha isn't, and it's HIS body, but it's because of konoha his body is functioning at all now. so is he robbing it of its life?? but didnt it also rob haruka the body in the first place, by tossing him out and leaving him behind?? this is all the shit i think haruka is conflicted over lmao. who deserved it more or at all... but does it even matter bc konoha IS here and its helping haruka stay alive by playing its awakening eyes role.

but also by feeling guilty over the life he's so happy to have back isn't he undervaluing everyone's willingness to get to know him and honor konoha?? undervaluing takane&shintaro's excitement to reunite with him?? undervaluing even his own happiness at having another chance at life?? well. he has to navigate through it. and he paints pictures at the same time because groceries need to be bought and bills needs to be paid, and aw man, MORE dishes?? he JUST washed those. and after that he should remember to clean the bathroom, its been a while. and do the laundry the dirty clothes pile is getting ridiculous. AND REPEAT!!!!!! because ur a grown up :3

but... he does love painting these pics... and he does love all the snacks he buys after doing groceries!!! and clean clothes are so nice especially when theyre warm from the sun!!! rent is worrying but he's got a roommate who helps him pay it!!! he's always loved his roommate too and has wanted to see her again for so long and now she's there right next to him when he wakes up everyday!!!!!!! and if it were that they can't pay rent they've got so many friends willing to help out!!!!! and he also loves all these friends!!!!! his life...... IS GOOD!!! LIFE... IS GOOD....!!!!!!!!!

he loves life he loves being alive. even if there are so many complicated feelings haruka is so happy he is alive. and wherever it is konoha is happy too. embrace the world with childlike wonder and joy, OKAY?? PEACE AND LOVE ON PLANET EARTH.

[freckliedan]

I never knew your lore!! What was it like dating in a triad if it's sth you're comfortable talking about. Especially with someone you obviously loved a lot. What were your feelings for the other person? How did you even manage to communicate enough to be able to do that? Was it complicated at all? Was it fun/hot? Sorry if it's a lot but I've had someone proposition this to me and I just was so confused I didn't know better and said no. Now I regret it bc I feel so attracted to these people and would honestly love that (but more in a friends with benefits kinda way)! But I'm not in love with either so that made it easier for me to consider it at least? If I were, idk how I would handle it bc I'm quite insecure/easily jealous person

it's not lore i've talked the most about! but i've been increasingly open about poly stuff on here and i love the people in my life very much so i'm happy to talk about it! under the cut tho, bc this will get long.

when i was dating in a triad w/ my ex, they were actually the newest addition to the relationship—the third person is art, my now husband! and we all have different genders now than we did at the time we all three dated.

in a lot of ways it was very cool and wonderful being in a triad!!! like. they to this day are two of my favorite people in this world. it ruled loving them and being loved by them and it still does though the forms have changed.

me & art were best friends for a couple years before we started dating in 2014, & when our relationship changed to dating it was very much a case of "we're best friends and want to be in each other's lives forever, we just also want to kiss & probably have sex someday about it & to belong to each other".

(probably someday on the sex due to. we were 18 and had both never kissed anyone before. we took it slow).

ex has been one of both of our other best friends since that same point in time, & we dated him from 2017-2018. it was a very similar start to our dating relationship w ex—we already were best friends and wanted to hang out forever, we were just adding more to the relationship we already shared.

and we all had a great dynamic when all 3 of us were spending time together, but also each had individually strong relationships? me and art hung out just the two of us, but so did me and ex & ex and art. adding a new dimension to it all was the easy part?

we spent a lot of time that summer walking dogs and camping and fooling around and laughing together and getting stoned.

& yes it was very fun and hot. i shan't elaborate. but there was a point in time where i'd EASILY had more threesomes than anyone else i knew.

it was sometimes complicated and hard but not because it was hard to have that much love in our lives? i am the opposite of a jealous person and had mostly worked thru the insecurity i felt in the first few years of me and art's relationship/did not see his relationship w our ex as something that could replace what he and i have bc we're all very different people so was not insecure abt it.

it was just. a difficult time in all three of our lives individually? none of us were in a good place with mental health, & largely due to factors outside of our control. i'm not going to get into art & ex's sprcific struggles, but i was being medically neglected, freshly had gone no contact with my mom, & was just out of a toxic/abusive living situation.

(& my ex roommates were also COWORKERS of me and art. yes they treated me like shit at work bc art was full time in classes and only in like once a week. and then ex started working with us too.

one of the ex roommates had also been friends with us since high school and was our ex's ex. i had known the other ex roommate since i was 7 or 8 and she was the assistant manager. they were homophobic to me the whole time i lived with them and started dating after i moved out)

(yes the drama went fucking crazy but i have literally always maintained the moral high ground).

ANYWAYS. i think i was in the best place mental health wise of all three of us at the time. insanely enough. with that incomplete list of hell going on in my life.

but i was the only one of the three of us who had strong social support outside of our group of three, & i was the one who realized that our individual struggles were making it hard to communicate at times & that it was hurting all of us.

so i was the one who realized that if all 3 of us wanted to stay in each other's lives, we needed to break up with ex.

which sucked! a lot! it really hurt ex, but being newer in the relationship than our established dynamic was also hurting him.

he and i both walked away from the breakup feeling like it was uniquely our fault because we wanted too much. it has been amazingly healing to have maintained our connection & been able to process our breakup like. with each other. bc we both went into future polyamory w approximately the same baggage LMAO.

we moved in with each other a little less than a year after our breakup & lived together for almost 4 years! and we'd been living out of each other's pockets for the two before that—art & ex lived w their families like a five minute walk apart and i spent most of my time living out of my subaru btween the two of their homes.

so like. i don't regret it. i will spend the rest if my life loving both my husband and our ex so much it goes beyond words, no matter what form our relationships take. we would probably still be together if our relationship had started under literally any better of surrounding circumstances.

after our breakup i spent some time as a lesbian and that overlapped with ex's gender veering into man so attraction stopped there? though who knows what the future holds.

idk! i would rather my husband adopt a dog with ex and be the cool step parent that never actually takes on a parental role for the dog. i wish we were neighbors/lived near each other rather than states apart bc in a dream world ex and i would have keys to each other's homes and would just get to hang out doing our own thing in one another's room at least 3 days a week.

there's no one size fits all for poly relationships & there's definitely Other friends i want to/do blur the lines btween romantic and platonic with at this point in time.

no other triads currently happening in my life though and idk if it will happen again?

no sorries! & i'm nor sure how helpful this ramble will have been but i appreciate the chance to talk about my experiences bc it's not something that comes up a lot but it means a lot to me and has been such a significant part of my life.

if the proposition was on the table before for you, and it's something you do know you'd be down for & that you're prepared to communicate a lot about, is it for sure off the table now? if it's something that might still be possible for you and it's something you can talk about w the people in question then have that conversation!

worst case scenario, it's an awkward conversation where yall realize you have different expectations and wants out of a triad and that that means it's not something that's going to happen.

best case scenario, you get to have some fun and sexy new experiences?

i'd say it's worth it to try! & if jealousy and insecurity are a concern for you, they might be for the other two in some way, too. i think talking about whether it might come up for you guys and how to proceed if it does as an up front thing would peobably be a smart idea?

for real though! if it's something you want amd that the other two people were down for in the past, i hope it can be an option again in the now too. good luck anon and thank you for listening to me run my mouth.

[rollercoasterwords]

(this is from marxismlupinism btw just sending an anon cause still shadowbanned + dont want my r/s blog tied to my main blog anyway)

lmao if only my followers were your followers literally idk why my anons r so mad im just stating the established party line of the blog they chose to follow...

literally every online community ive been in youve been able to say you think the community has XYZ problem and people could discuss the problem and suggest solutions honestly baffling that peoples response to someone saying the hp fandom is transphobic is to go "no it's not" instead of, idk, either trying to make it less transphobic if you think it's salvageable or leaving it if you think it's unsalvageable. the only communities ik that would respond to an accusation of transphobia w denial rather than taking trans people's concerns seriously are, well, actually overtly explicitly transphobic communities lol... and the people claiming they "engage critically" are very clearly not if their response to criticism of the hp fandom is to be defensive—if you engage critically with something that means taking seriously good faith criticism of the thing you engage critically with. like i "engaged critically" w hp/rs for the past 2.5 years and i have never ever gotten defensive at someone criticising hp or its fandom (esp since like... almost all the people criticising hp or its fandom are trans and im not gonna go harass another trans person for being understandably upset at ppl engaging w transphobic media lol).

hp fans (including tme trans hp fans—and, btw, we're well aware there are some transmasculine hp fans, the rest of the trans community just think they suck and are losers lol and i can't imagine that the transmasc hp fans aren't aware of this fact unless they just dont interact w other trans people outside the hp fandom at all) will criticise hp and jkr while believing that the hp fandom itself is above criticism. this does the dual work of distancing themselves from harry potter/jkr, which even they cannot defend/pretend is not bad, while also absolving themselves of all responsibility for any transphobia & transmisogyny they perpetuate or engage in. it's honestly a deeply immature way of engaging with media as well as one that logically falls apart under any scrutiny—firstly, if you accept that hp and its author are deeply bigoted, isn't it just logical that its fanbase would share the politics of the source media? secondly, this is just empirically false lol. there didnt always used to be basically no trans women in the hp fandom—i myself used to be friends with several back in the old days—but most transfems left the fandom in 2020–2021 bc of jkr's increasing transmisogyny. and speak to any of the transfems who did leave at that time and they can tell you their firsthand experiences. like, i really dunno how you can claim the hp fandom isnt transmisogynistic without just outright saying that you think most trans women are crazy and making shit up when they say they dont want anything to do with hp or its fans.

anyway ill stop writing essays in ur inbox now rae xoxo love ya have a nice day!

hi laura <3 yeah truly i think it is so weird that someone would choose 2 follow a blog on tumblr.com which clearly states "i don't like hp/hp fandom" and then get mad when that blog makes a post saying. "i don't like hp/hp fandom." babe why r u at the criticizing hp fandom store if u don't want hp fandom criticism....

and yeah i've talked before on my blog abt how like. i do not think we can "separate" fandom from jkr + the inherent shittiness of hp + my personal stance is that i think if u are engaging with hp fandom in 2023 u should at least be prepared to acknowledge + address the fact that u are engaging w a fundamentally conservative piece of media that is rooted in horrible politics, bc if u don't fully understand how jkr's politics are steeped throughout the franchise then it is much more likely that u will just be. absorbing + perpetuating them.

i think something that gets left out of a lot of conversations abt jkr even when discussing how shitty she is within hp fandom is the fact that like. yeah she's broadly transphobic, but she is specifically transmisogynistic, and the politics + policies she endorses are most targeted + harmful towards trans women. in my personal experience thus far in hp fandom i've encountered a lot of tme trans people, and i think there can be this tendency to go "well i'm trans and i know so many trans people who have carved out a space in this fandom that is super affirming + positive for ourselves, so obviously there is no transphobia here" and like. bc of the strong emotional connection to what people view as a safe queer space it can feel like an attack or whatever when someone goes "ok but. have u considered transmisogyny." or just whenever someone is like. rude/mean/cunty in their criticism of hp--but like. tbh as tme trans people i just think it's more important to recognize that many other trans people (and especially tma trans people) have a reason for being rude/mean/cunty in their criticism of hp and even if it hurts ur feelings it's more important to actually think about where that critique is coming from then to get upset bc u feel like it wasn't phrased nicely. at the end of the day just bc a space feels safe 2 u does not mean it is going 2 feel safe 2 everyone!!

[icharchivist]

hiii icha!!! i'm ~finally~ going through the greatest journey, so here's ask #1 of... well, at least two. this covers chs 1-9 bc I thought it might be easier to chunk my thoughts this way! it's been 3 years since I've gotten into a3... let's call this my incredible stamina and patience and not. that i'm bad at doing things.

anyways. i knew vaguely that guy was like, kind of emotionaless but the moment i saw [ALL SYSTEMS ONLINE] i gasped like hello!!! robots!!! android in his case to be specific... this makes a clockwork heart make even more sense. izumi and citron actually explicitly bring this up--that luke & s's friendship reminds citron of him and guy. particularly the stuff about having different statuses. i think it's interesting that this is what citron highlights, rather than the fact that like, s is a homunculus and guy is an android, and both of them have their own struggles in understanding humans and human emotions. but the fact that citron isolates the status as the biggest divide between them rather than the android thing is SUCH a good encapsulation of like. how citron feels about guy i presume as well as the themes of a clockwork heart itself. since that play is reflective of tsuzuru's feelings regarding mizuno, it's not really their differences that hamper their actual sense of like friendship in a perfect world? it's the larger society and culture that forces them apart. which i imagine is a large part of what makes citron and guy's relationship strange--guy is his attendant. thinking on it now, S was created by luke... I wonder if, in a similar way guy was (or at least feels as if he's been) created For citron. that'd make things feel complicated. i also have to wonder if guy's Actually a robot... like shutdown switch, sure, but other than that he seems like he could be human just fine.

let's see, what else happened... OH RIGHT!!! i started talking abt guy and completely forgot that i nailed it in terms of calling citron a runaway prince!!! it was quite obvious at this point, really... but I'm glad I was right, anyways! I'm really glad we're getting this story, because we get to see a bit more muted and serious side of citron, which has always been there, but never really at the forefront, I feel? and like. it's really good. citron introduces guy as his attendant with a pleasant smile and doesn't betray any kind of tears at the thought of his upcoming coronation. he gets chikage to spirit him away under the guise of his fun little wishes. he tells masumi to let him have a 10 minute romantic walk with izumi so he can just have 1-on-1 time to confide with her. literally he didn't flirt one bit.

...and while I, you know, don't think masumi has to "allow" anything, it is sweet that masumi's like. o..... kay. and accepts citron's request. but it makes a lot of sense--right now, he's seeing citron leave, like he was going to leave not so long ago. only while his situation seemed hopeless, citron's just Is hopeless. i mean, not entirely, but a dad is different than a country's government, as izumi says. she also mentions, when guy first shows up, that citron, unlike masumi, seems like he's accepted the situation.... but in one like his, can he do anything except for accept it?

speaking of characters i feel like tsuzuru in particular is going through it a little. especially with that clockwork heart competition and the repetition of the manzai (where citron says “You are the best partner, Tsuzuru”) it's like... citron's cheered up tsuzuru quite a few times? and now he's like, gone, and tsuzuru's got to work through a script on a tight deadline without really knowing what to do. spring is family and i think not having citron around is gonna hit everyone really really really hard, but it's gonna hit spring the most. (side note: i think someone, maybe tsuzuru, was like, let's give citron an even BIGGER part as the king in alex in wonderland!! my funny answer for why citron left was that he was protesting against this indignity)

the voice acting's been so great, of course. you can literally hear citrons voice tremble in joy and sadness when he’s telling guy that theatre is fun. and then he implies guy can't feel, and judging by what guy himself states, he at least believes that to be true. that human emotions are beyond him. to which i want to say... GET HOMARE AT THIS GUY!!!!! and then i remembered... wait, despite the focus on spring, this is winter troupe!! we ARE throwing homare at this guy!!! I'm really excited for winter drama as always, you know.

speaking of winter drama, it was SO NICE to get that payoff from nocturnality!! tasuku visiting azuma's old house with him was just so dearly attentive... i love him. azuma having to ask "we’re…. Friends…?" was so real of him though. YEAH, YOU ARE. YOU GUYS JUST MADE MARRIAGE VOWS!!! and even though azuma wore himself out from that experience, I'm glad he was able to find that present from his brother. i really liked how like. feminine the present was, too. very suitable for azuma. also very heartbreaking bc here, from his brother, it's just a sweet comment on the fact that he thinks its nice for azuma to have his hair long, and the reason azuma keeps it long nowadays is because of his brother, in a way... it was good that tasuku carried him back, and good that he went, even if he got so worn out. I'm glad guy got to act and also glad azuma realized just how passionate he is about acting.

back to main plot stuff, citron tells izumi, “for reasons I cannot say, I was forced to sneak out of the country on my own. I could not tell even Guy of this.” this, to me, says that there's stuff regarding zafra that citron knows and guy doesn't. whatever this is, I have to imagine it's why citron forces guy to stay behind. I think he also wants him to experience the magic of Mankai. because he cares about guy, and wants him to be treated well--and citron probably doesn't think that having guy serve as his attendant means he's being treated well.

also THE CHARM!!! "...It is a very special gift that I received from someone." <- that's what he said in the new years new beginnings event to omi... I wonder if guy made that for him? my longshot theory is that guy maybe like, has fragmented memories of some kind? and that's some of what's impacting his relationship with citron. though idk if they'd do something like that since hisoka's got all that amnesia stuff going on with him already... we'll see. (maybe I'm just too affected by citron saying “Please, Izumi… Do not forget me.”) but speaking of treasured things it's genuinely so sweet that citron joined mankai and was like. oh. this. this is worth all the remaining time i have left before my coronation. there's no other experience I'd rank above this one.

other notes: the "your crown, king" from itaru is so good. localization for a3 stays winning! speaking of itaru i love how chikage comes back after citron's disappearance and itaru immediatley clocks that something's up. probably chikage didn't want to hide it, but I think some of it is that chikage's just not as good of a liar anymore.

also if one needs to know the language for zafra… both chikage and hisoka are pretty good at that kind of thing. they're also the type of people who could break into a palace if necessary. just saying!! i'm so excited for what's next...

OMG HIIIII IT'S BEEN A WHILE!!! NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN!!

It's always a pleasure to see your in depth thought <333 and of course it may take some time, but, like, as long as you're having fun it's what really matters, don't you think!

under cut

AND HELL YEAAAAH here's to the reveal. and i'm so glad you immediately connected it back to Clockwork Heart becayse yes!!! yes!!! this is why Citron was so involved into it and this is why he framed it the way he did. All he could think about was Guy in this specific scenario!! And yeah the focus on class especially is an interesting framing from Citron on that regard. I hope you'll like where this is going!

AND HELL YEAAAAHHH!! Three years of hearing you say "i think he's a runaway prince" and just nodding along like hahaha whaaaat craaazyy…… but yeah it was pretty obvious, but i'm so glad you picked it up as quickly as you did. And you're right, while this side of Citron has always been abit present, we really end up seeing him drop the charade for a bit now. Like it really shows how his whole carefree act was, well, a bit of an act, and now that he's actively trying to set pieces on a board to disappear from the company you really see how calculating he can be and how he can weaponize the way he presents himself to get his way. I find it soo interesting. Citron is a fascinating character.

felt about Masumi also, and, yeah, at this point literally everyone in the Spring Troupe except Tsuzuru and Sakuya tried to leave the company lmao, but it was nice to see Masumi in particular react to that considering he's the one who almost left a couple chapters beforehand. It's interesting, as you point out, how Masumi and Citron's situation end up working as parallel to one another, with different stakes and obligations that still make them different enough, while also both chapter still feed on one another.

god yeah for Tsuzuru. Like i think Tsuzuru is always kinda worn thin by his troupen but like, a good way, in a very "big brother who's watching over his loveable but hyperactive little brothers and he doesn't have a minute to think about how much he loves them because NO STOP CHEWING THE TABLE--". And Citron in particular was always keeping him on his toes so Tsuzuru never really had a moment to pause and realize that he's going to miss him a lot and that while Citron was always stiring him along on other things, Citron was always there to cheer him up and find ways for him to work through his issues. It's really effective with Citron leaving, to see how Tsuzuru has to come to term with all of this all of the sudden.

the voice acting is always on point but god yeah. Citron sounds so heartbroken about leaving stuff…. DLKJFDKLFJDLKF IMMEDIATELY GOING "HOMARE CAN FIX IT" until then remembering Guy is a Winter character is so funny though. They ARE going to throw Homare at this guy. That's the price for being a Winter chapter BABYYYYY. We love winter drama in here so i can't wait to see your reactions once it starts happening <3

TASUAZU SCENE TASUAZU SCENE!!! oh my god i cried so hard the first time i read through this part it broke me. yes, the pay off from Nocturnality is UNREAL. this was really the moment i thought "ok so basically you can't read Winter chapters without having read their events more than any other troupes holy shit." And i just… i love how Azuma kept it together during this scene because he's so used to live with his grief, and Tasuku was there in case Azuma broke, but Azuma was sure he wasn't going to. But finding the gift was just a renewal of this grief. Azuma kept his hair long because he thought to himself that maybe his brother would come back if he did, and in a way, a piece of his brother did come back on the way he took care of his hair. It was a new thing adding to his grief and Tasuku was there to help him through it and it was so emotional i just. god i love them. And yeah, seeing Tasuku carry Azuma back home, and Azuma being able to see just how much he loves theater afterward, was just so heartfelt. I also love that like… Tasuku was never great with words, and as a result in the early days he was bad at giving proper support, but now it's not like he got better with words, but he shows his support in little, other ways. and it's just so sweet to see it unfold there.

As for what you point out with the main plot, all i can say is tee hee :) but i love your reasoning so far, you always have good takes.

AND THE CHARM. YEAH. THE PAY OFF TO THAT. i still can't believe just how hard the events build for this chapter like holy shit. Loving your thoughts so far though :3c But god yes Citron thinking Mankai is worth all of the time he had left just makes me want to cry too. He really ended up finding a sweet family there.

"You dropped this" "your crown, king" is still the greatest, most surreal dialogue in a3 i'll never recover. We lost so much the day we lost the a3 english server. I do think Chikage didn't want to hide it, i think also Chikage is lowering his guard around them enough they can clock he's lying, but also i think Itaru became very good at reading Chikage as well - from one liar to the other. So all of this combined, and Itaru knowing the type of person Citron is (like, Itaru had a few serious convo with Citron in the past already - like when his ankle got twisted and only Citron noticed and tried to really talk him into relying on them -- it was one of the rare time Citron's mask dropped and i think Itaru is smart enough to figure out that now that Citron's princely mask is on, that Citron is up to something and stuff).

AND HELP. Yeah we can rely on Chikage and Hisoka now, which makes Spring/Winter combo very useful on this one. Our shady people who will help us with our runaway prince situation <333

As for the rest, i'm leaving it up to you to discover! can't wait to see your reactions when you get there, but it was already a fantastic read!

as always thank you so much for sharing your thoughts <3333

[angelsdean]

home always feels like an episode they should have waited a season or two to do to me, when the mythology and characters were a little more lived it. I don't know if this makes sense, but i think in any other season, or even this season in the backhalf, this set up would have lent itself to a classic Dean Studies episode, and it feels weird that once we're actually in the house, we're actually seeing Mary, we totally pull back on Dean. Honestly, outside of the phone call to John, he's very sidelined despite this being an easy set up to explore backstory for him as the only character there who has a memory of the fire. And even Sam as the POV character falls flat not because there isn't interesting tension there, it could have worked! but because it's so heavy unfolding the psychic plot point and it's clear that that's more important to the episode than the family mythology. It just feels like you could take the bones of the episode, drop into season 3, and get something that looks completely different. (You said this much more eloquently re: the narrative, but I'm on s2 of my own rewatch and i keep thinking about this, haha).

hii sorry i didn't answer this sooner, but yea that's def how i felt rewatching it like, it just feels like it comes too soon for it to really *do* anything. we haven't yet really felt the haunting absence of mary. their main plot focuses rn are 1.) finding john (and in conjunction w/ that, finding and killing azazel) and 2.) literally just starting in this ep, sam's psychic visions. the whole concept of going back home and being confronted w/ their mother's literal ghost who recognizes and can talk to them is a HUGE thing that deserved to be the main focus, not a footnote in an ep trying to introduce a major plot element, sam's visions.

literally like you said, there's IS tension from sam's POV but they just don't go anywhere with it, since the focus is more on his psychic visions. like the scene w/ sam and mary could've been so much more. and if this came later in the season, or even a few seasons later, mary's "i'm sorry" to sam would've held more weight and packed a punch bc she feels responsible for what's happened to sam !!! for the deal w/ azazel and causing sam to be infected w/ demon blood. but sitting in the 9th episode of s1 where we still barely know anything it just falls flat and feels like she's just apologizing for what? dying? of course we have the gift of knowing everything to come later, but i'm trying to put myself in the shoes of the 2005 audience. what would they have thought she was apologizing for? like up until s4 that audience doesn't even know about mary being a hunter or her deal. so like, for those early years, it would just seem like she was apologizing for i guess not getting to sam fast enough to stop azazel and for dying ??

but yea anyways i feel like dean should've been the central character for an episode like this and we already know mary's death was traumatic for him. he tells lucas in 1x03 how he stopped talking after mary died. he tells lucas he's scared all the time but tries his best to be brave bc he thinks it's what his mom would've wanted. mary is such a central figure in dean's life and memories and is thee anchor to the myth of the "perfect family" that never was that dean is constantly yearning for and why family is so important to him. also comments like dean saying he always wanted to be a firefighter when he was a kid reveal a lot abt how much the fire affected him and fueled his desire to save people. and then in 1x09 Home itself, we see dean go in to save the blonde mom while he tells sam to save the kids which is interesting bc in 1x03 dean immediately goes for the kid and lets sam save the mom. so, it feels like subconsciously there's something there with dean and his desire to save mary. and this would've been a great episode to explore that trauma and guilt he has for not being able to save her (and god it's so irrational and he must know it, he was literally 4 yrs old what could he have done !!!) but still.

anyways this is getting long but yea i think at the very least, home should've come later in the season and not have to share the plot w/ introducing sam's psychic powers. there's just SO much they could've done with the whole concept of going back home and seeing mary's ghost. i wanted them to feel haunted !!!! haunted by home and the myth of mary !!!!!

[trippy-maskow]

bro what r u on😭😭😭 I'm gay asl and moringmark didn't actually do anything. Like, not at all. I saw ur reblogs n obviously u aren't changing ur mind but like u r the biggest nitpicker and

the first one didn't compare? they're justing fighting for gay rights like nowhere was it implied that it would be the same as belos

the quiz was clearly a joke. I don't know what ur talking abt

u can also tell that you are like, the only one along with 60 smth other chronically online people are the only people that actually have a problem with this. Everyone else is fine with it. Like red flag #1, the LGBTQ+ community disagrees with what you believe is "bigoted"

bye

You seem to have not read the post properly. I'm not mad at Mark. At all?? I don't think he's 'bigoted' . I just think he should take a break (he's been making daily comics for over a YEAR NOW.) And that next time he does a comic feature say LGBTQIA+ stuff / issues, to do some research and maybe go over it with some people to make sure it won't come off the wrong way. I Explained in the post why both posts and jokes came off wrong. Jokes can be misunderstood/mistaken (I pointed out how on the Twitter version of his Test comic people where asking about "where to find " such tests and to give links.

Jokes can also be done in a harmful manner (I am NOT saying that this is what Mark has done, I am simply pointing out that not all Jokes are fun and lighthearted) and to mock someone.

Also, it is LGBTQIA+, not LGBTQ+ . Intersex and Agender folks, and aroace folks (like me :D) Exist bro. We're valid.

Also "The LGBTQ+ Community dissagrees " "I am gay asl" You, dont speak for the whole community?? I AM apart of the community as well (trans/demi-boy and aroace)??

I dont see how saying "The LGBTQ+ Community Dissagrees with You!!! I am also gay" Would make me feel as if How i feel about the comics are any less valid, esp since we JUST got out an era where the media ect thought that all you had to do was do a dumb test. (thats how little they thought of us. I dont want it back. Esp with all the laws coming out)

I'm also, not online much?? idk if you checked but my last post was me literally apologising for not posting.

Also my reblogs are about, the show?? Critising the show?? Analysing the show?? It has nothing to do with Mark??

I dont know why in the Owl House fandom it's called 'nit picking' to analyse and critise media you enjoy.

Like, its OKAY to enjoy something and admit its not perfect?? not everything has to perfect my guy.

You won't get SWATed for admitting that the finale of TOH sucked ass.

Or that the Hexside section in FTF was pointless and wasted time.

WHY IS THIS SO HARD FOR YALL TO GRASP??

Critising + Analysing ≠ hating something