#and we’re never going to be comfortable unless we win the lottery or something

[kingofmyborrowedheart]

It fucking sucks how many things are dependent on having money.

[lycorogue]

A Family Tradition: Giving Thanks Tree

Tina Belcher - Image care of “Bob’s Burgers” on Fox

When I was a kid - I can’t even remember how old I first was - my mother would tape a cardboard cutout of a bare tree onto the attic door. Along its trunk were the words “Giving Thanks Tree”. She would then hang up a manila envelope filled with leaves cut out of red, orange, and yellow construction paper. Our goal for the month of November, leading into Thanksgiving? Write just one thing we’re thankful for each day and then hang it up on the cardboard tree so it is full by the end of the month.

As a child I HATED this tradition. It was so hard for me to think of 30 unique things I was grateful for, and usually ended up with generic things like “food” or “a home” or “boys” (I was a bit like Tina there). It wasn’t until college did I truly get the value of taking a few minutes each day to think about a blessing in your life you may have otherwise taken for granted. It was hard for me my freshman year of college to know I couldn’t participate in the family Giving Thanks Tree, so, with a new appreciation for the tradition, I made my own cardboard tree, hung it on my dorm room door, posted a sign explaining the tradition, and put out my own envelope of paper leaves for my floormates to join in. I was a naïve 18yo, but thankfully no one posted joke leaves. I was surprised at how many joined in on my tradition as I filled my tree with gratitudes. (I later brought my leaves home to post on the family tree).

In 2011 I got married and officially moved out of my mother’s home. I have yet to find a good wall or door to hang a big ol’ cardboard tree, so instead I switched to a digital list. This year I had decided to share to more than my personal Facebook page. I tried posting daily on Twitter as a month-long thread, but... well, it didn’t go so well, so I stopped after day 13, I think. I did finish the thread over on Facebook, and I decided to bring the complete list over to Tumblr.

So, for any who are interested, below the break is my list of 30 things I was grateful for this past November; things I hope to remain grateful for well beyond the next year. Always remember to stop to count your blessings. If you really try to find them, you will discover you have more than you might have realized.

1. I am grateful that my friends and family have been (mostly) safe and healthy this year, and that those who did contract COVID-19 were able to recover. ❤ (*proceeds to knock on wood*)

2. I am grateful for the amazing support system I have. I know I am one of the lucky ones, but between my husband, my family, my friends, and even my readers, I have so much positivity lifting me up, and I want to make sure I never take that for granted.

3. I am grateful to have a stable roof over my head. It's a decent size for two people (we just have a LOT of things). It has sturdy walls & a secure roof. We can keep it warm in the winter and cool in the summer (not cool enough for Hubby, but nothing outside a meat locker would be). We have an attentive but not intrusive landlady. She repairs anything that needs fixing ASAP, and is a lovely woman we can just pal around with on occasion. Those are things I know a lot of people can't say about their landlords/ladies. We also have welcoming neighbors that are a joy to run into in the parking lot. If we have to be "stuck" somewhere until we can buy our own place, where we are works wonderfully.

4. I am grateful that we are no longer hurting for money. We can splurge on smaller purchases (under $50) without much second thought. We can now pay off ALL of our monthly bills after just the first paychecks of the month. And then the rest of the month is building up funds for the next month's bills and savings. Speaking of, we have a little nest-egg of a couple grand, which is still relatively new for us. I'm also over-paying my student loans and car payment. Not by much, but enough that my bills are a couple months ahead, so... cool. I know that during this year in particular, having any sort of financial security is hard to hold onto, so I want to count our blessings that we're doing alright. *proceeds to knock on wood again*

5. As silly as it seems to say, I am grateful for all of the election memes. It was a super stressful time for most of us, and to have some sort of humor that most of the country could relate to (such as Flash from Zootopia being in charge of counting Nevada's votes) was a great stress reliever and bringer of much-needed smiles. So, thank you, Meme Lords/meme creators for bringing us such fantastic content to help ease that wait and stress.

6. I am grateful to see that my Muse is slowly returning to me, like a groundhog after a long hibernation, poking its head out just enough to acknowledge it's there before scurrying back into its burrow to hide again. It hasn't been much, and only one story was actually written in November, but I have been playing with a handful of plotbunnies. It's nice to be able to de-stress via plot-building and playing with character growth again. 😊 ❤

7. I'm sure you all saw this coming, but I am grateful that T**** lost the election. Not so much that Biden/Harris won, because there's issues there too, but that T**** will be out of the White House. Mostly, I'm grateful because that means so many that I love - and those online personalities that I respect - are going to be in a safer America (and world) as of January 20th. For those who suffered through physical, mental, emotional, financial, and maybe even spiritual hardships over the past 4 years - both Americans and international citizens alike - I am grateful that you get to take a breath and relax (at least, for a little bit) now. I don't know if Biden/Harris will (or can) do anything to actually help heal what caused my loved ones' suffering, but at least they won't be actively adding to it.

8. Getting away from the political, I am grateful that Hubby and I can eat whenever we want (outside of work). We may grumble about what we have available, but that's mostly due to not having the energy to turn ingredients into meals, or we've had the same meal 3x in a row already. Regardless, we CAN eat whenever we are hungry, and I am grateful for that.

9. Keeping with the "things people can take for granted easily" theme, I am grateful for my wardrobe. It may be simple and repetitive, but it is enough to wear something clean each day for anywhere between 7 and 12 days before needing to run to the laundromat. Nothing has holes or ratty edges (unless it's a beloved shirt I refuse to give up). My shoes have good soles to them, and I rarely have sore feet. When my feet DO get repeatedly sore, I have the funds to either fix my shoes via new insoles, or I can simply buy new ones. My coats are warm and, aside from one missing the grip of the zipper (but the zipper itself still works), they are still in good condition. I may not be the most fashionable, and I'm sure I'm not picking the best clothing to fit my body shape, but over-all, I'm protected from the elements, my body is protected, and I am well-kempt.

10. Kept me too long to mention this, but I am grateful that I was able to marry my best friend. There are those out there still looking for companionship. There are those who found it, but, in some cruel twist of fate, lost it. There are those who love their spouse, but may not exactly be friends with them. And yet, here Hubby and I are: two people who would gladly spend every waking moment with each other. I found someone I could chat and cuddle and laugh and cry with every moment of every day. Someone I share interests with, and someone who expands my list of interests. Someone who also expands my view of the world; who makes me wish to be more understanding and accepting, and just... better. I am lucky, and I never want to see a day when I forget that fact.

11. I feel a bit silly with this one, but I am grateful I don't have any major allergies I have to worry about. Specifically, no food allergies. I've seen how difficult it is for people to navigate around food allergies or intense airborne allergies. To have to not think about those sorts of things is such a privilege, and I'm truly grateful for it. I have enough issues with lactose intolerance.

12. Another kinda silly one, but, I'm grateful for @dragnime​ living next door to us. Same was true for when another friend was our neighbor. There's just something about seeing dragnime’s car when I come home (again, same with the other friend and his car) that makes me smile. I don't have to actually socialize with dragnime that day if we're both busy, but to see his car and know he's there should I want to reach out is just a weird sort of comforting. (Man, I really need Hubby and I to win the lottery so we can build our commune already....)

13. I am grateful for publicly announced self-appointed deadlines. Last year I started up my own tradition within the Miraculous Ladybug fandom: Friday 13ths should be Plagg Appreciation Day. Plagg is a character who, I feel, doesn't get nearly enough love or screen time. He's also the kwami of bad luck and destruction, so... Friday 13th seemed fitting. The final bit of writing I had actually finished and posted prior to November was for this fandom holiday back in March, and at the end of that story I told everyone "see you in November!" so I felt silly if I'd let this poor-writing year defeat me. I was determined to have at least THIS story written, and that determination paid off. It ended up taking almost literally my entire day off, but I was able to become inspired enough to write SOMETHING, and it seems to be received well, so... added yay. 😊

14. I am grateful for my relatively easy life. I have been loved and supported my whole life. I never really experienced abuse or prejudice (or even really bullying) personally. I was able to fully experience college without much personal trouble (my student loan debt notwithstanding). Aside from a single 6-month stint right after moving to NY, I have been able to find work easily enough. I haven't had to struggle for food or clothing or housing (stretch budget, yes; struggle, no). I haven't had to live without electricity or clean running water. I've never lost loved ones or valuable items (even sentimentally) through natural disasters. *knock on wood some more* There have been struggles in my life, to be sure, but, on the whole, I've had a happy, safe, supported, and relatively easy life.

15. I'm calling out @chibisunnie​ specifically. I am so SO very grateful for her. I mean, I always am, but this year in particular she's been such a pillar of strength for me. I can't even imagine the stress and panic this year must cause her, and yet she's still always there to comfort ME. (I mean, I hope I comfort her too, but this year in particular I feel it's more her comforting me.) She's been the main one (right behind Hubby) to remind me to be kind to myself this year and that it IS an unusual year; my "failings" in 2020 don't define who I am seeing it's an outlier year.

16. I am grateful that my sister is seeing her true self-worth. She’s worked so hard to improve herself and to find out who she truly is, and it's been fantastic to see her continue to evolve. It's also great to see her find someone who builds her up, so a side bit of gratitude to her boyfriend. And, yes, her perseverance, strength, and determination (as well as her mad crocheting skills) are still things that I greatly admire in her. I'm just so happy and proud and grateful that she seems to be in such a good place. ❤

17. I am grateful that my mom has discovered how capable she truly is. This year has been undeniably hard on small businesses such as hers. It must be such a struggle to keep everything afloat and to stay positive, and yet she is. She's pushing herself to improve her business and marketing. She's dealing with modern technology – basically the bane of her existence – nearly all day long between Zoom meetings to network and learn and grow, to working remotely, to making videos to help promote herself, to reworking her business's website, etc. She's grown so much over the year and I'm so proud of her.

18. Since I mentioned it, I am grateful for video conference programs such as Zoom. Unfortunately, due to scheduling conflicts, exhaustion, and my right knee getting worse, I had to stop doing Zumba (I'm hoping to work my way back into the routine again sooner than later). However, before June screwed me over, Zoom was how I was able to keep up with this exercise routine post-shutdown. It's how I've been able to see my family. It's how so many have been able to continue working. It's how YouTubers I enjoy manage to still interact for their videos. It's fantastic that this technology is not only available, but it's also accessible to so many.

19. Speaking of which, I am grateful for the Oxboxtra crew, Dicebreaker, the Theory Family (yes, I’m aware people find MatPat problematic...), SuperCarlinBrothers, OSP, Hello Future Me, and The Warp Zone. In total, that’s nearly a dozen different YouTube channels I routinely watch – focused mostly on OutsideXbox, Outside Xtra, Film Theory, Game Theory, Food Theory, and SuperCarlinBrothers – and these channels have really helped me keep my sanity. The fandoms specifically for OutsideXbox, Outside Xtra, and SuperCarlinBrothers are just so sweet and supportive of even fellow fans. The YouTubers have such big hearts and are so delightfully goofy, it's almost like welcoming friends into my home whenever I watch them. I even started checking out stuff on Luke Westaway's and Ellen Rose's private channels on YouTube because I enjoyed these entertainers so much. So, thank you, YouTubers, for helping me find something that lets me forget what's going on in the world for 2hrs and just have fun. ❤

20. Along those lines, I am grateful for games such as Animal Crossing: New Horizons and Among Us. Both of those games, and similar ones that were available this year, were great distractions from the chaos of 2020. They have provided fantastic and unique gameplay content for the YouTube channels I follow, which, in turn, provided great video content for me to watch. These types of games were also, and most importantly, great ways for people to stay connected. I've been able to bond and joke around and preoccupy myself with games and gaming streams, and they have certainly been such great lifelines.

21. I am grateful for quiet cuddle moments. Be it in the evening while Hubby and I are watching TV, or while we're actually snuggled in bed watching Disney+ or Netflix, or after hitting snooze in the morning and just wanting to stay cuddled together for another 5 minutes, or even when one of us (*cough*usuallyme*cough*) is feeling super stressed and we just take a couple-minute time-out to just hug, I am grateful for all of them. I know not every couple gets to have these physical contact moments for various reasons, add in my own experience of having an 8-year long-distance relationship, and I try so hard to not take those quiet moments of just simple hugs or hand holds or back scratches for granted.

22. I am grateful for music and the ability to experience it. It motivates me. It inspires me (I have so many stories/chapters written because a song made me think of the plot). It helps with cathartic release. It gets me moving and exercising. It keeps me focused. It allows me to just zone out. Music is just so important in my life and the life of so many more. Bless all the music creators and performers.

23. I am grateful for Anime Night. It's a bit of normalcy in this year of anything but. It's a way to stay connected with a couple of my friends, and the little bits of socializing we do outside of watching has really allowed me to get to know both men more, as well as learn more about the other people really important in their lives.

24. I am grateful for the experience of turning fans into friends (and also being allowed to evolve from fan to friend). One of the best things about fanfiction is the ability to see people interact and react with your work, and to then respond in kind. It's sort of a silver lining to the relatively small number of views and comments on most fanfiction (compared to most professionally published work, that is), since it means you aren't too overwhelmed to truly experience each comment, follow, fave, like, reblog, etc. Through people gushing about my work, and me gushing back at how happy they've made me, I've been able to build up some really sweet friendships. I've also made two new close-acquaintances (we don't interact QUITE enough to be “friends” just yet) from my own gushy reviews and their responses to how great my reviews made them feel. So, to @chibisunnie​, @thetauruspixie​, @livrever​, @tlos21​, @chanceuseladynoire​ and @zenmisery​ (I hope that's all of you), I am so grateful for the bond we've had over fanfiction. Love all of you so much! ❤

25. I am grateful for members of minorities and other marginalized peoples for taking the time and effort to try to educate others; making it easier on us when they are in no way obligated to help us understand at all (it's really on us to put in the effort to try to understand them). This year alone, via personal posts on social media, infographics, comics, people posting reference sheets of hotlinks to research/source materials, etc, I was able to learn so much. I was able to grow and try to overcome my own prejudices, misunderstandings, and misinformation. All because people decided to share their raw experiences or do the research for me. It was something each and every one of them volunteered to do in an effort to help educate, and I am so grateful for the lessons they've taught me.

26. I am grateful that people find me a safe person to talk to. It is one of the few things I want in life; to be a safe haven for friends, family, and even strangers who are hurting. I realize the amount of trust people put in me and the vulnerability they are allowing themselves. It is humbling, to say the least, but also such an amazing feeling. I will try to keep learning and keep growing to keep earning the trust warranted me being this safe haven, but in the meantime, I'll continue to be grateful that people do find me as someone they can be safe with.

27. On the flipside, I am grateful to have friends who allow me to just be who I am. I can be obsessed with a cartoon aimed at 10 year olds (Miraculous Ladybug), and my friends not only don't judge, but they also happily let me know when their young children start to enjoy the show! I can be goofy or forgetful or screw something up, and, again, there's no judgment. They just accept me as I am, and I am blessed.

28. I am grateful for the support my friends and family have (outside of me) in their lives. It does my heart well to know that even if I disappear due to my own mental health issues, that my friends and family still have great support around them. They are all kind people surrounded by more kind people, and I nearly cry whenever I read or hear about my friends getting support they need and the outpouring of support. YOU ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE AND I LOVE YOU ALL AND EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU DESERVE THE OUTPOURING OF SUPPORT YOU'VE FOUND. ❤

29. I am grateful for the continued bonding we've had with my sister-in-law this past year. I miss having the post-Zumba walk where we can just talk, but, largely through effort on her part, we've been having some time every Tuesday when she comes over to work after dropping the kids at school. We also had a whole evening with her on Black Friday. She's also texted and called a few times to chat, and we are getting closer and closer each year. Not everyone thinks of their in-laws as family despite what the law says, so I'm grateful that we have always thought of each other as family, and that we continue to bond and grow as siblings.

30. I am grateful for this family tradition. It allows me to really focus on what is important in life, and all the joys and blessings I've experienced. It's especially important during this trash heap of a year. I love that I can find silver linings in my life and appreciate what I have. This tradition is also a reminder to not take things for granted. I am so SO grateful that my mom introduced us to this tradition and forced us to participate as we grew up. It's a lesson that will stay with me, and it's such an important one. Thank you, Mom!

[mlpshippingcentral]

Puppy Love

In which Scootaloo is an oblivious gay while Sweetie is a pining gay, too angsty for her own good.

Also known as; my excuse to write about Sweetie’s shitty parents, plus my headcanons involving lanky Scootaloo and smol Sweetie and my headcanon that Sweetie Belle and Rarity were born in Canada.

You’re welcome

After they get their Cutie Marks, the Crusaders start having sleepovers a lot more.

Most of the times it's at Sweet Apple Acres, so Apple Bloom won't be late to do her chores, though a couple have happened at Rarity's house or Scootaloo's Aunt's.

This time, though, is different, because not only is this is the first time they have been allowed to have a sleepover without adult supervision, but it's also the first time they've had it in their tree house.

The days building up to the weekend are full of excited chatterings about what they can do, such as staying up past midnight, a simple goal, though one they've never actually accomplished, and using their telescope to stargaze and hundreds of other ideas.

They all bring their sleeping bags into the tree house, and set them up.

And it's here where Scootaloo hesitates. Because up until tonight, in every sleepover, they've been sharing a bed together. It's not a big deal, just that nobody actually has a guest room.

And now they can sleep as near or as far from each other as possible.

Which, of course, isn't that big of a deal, she reminds herself, eyeing her best friends as they undo their bags, and, after a couple of second of deliberation, puts hers right next to Sweetie, who eyes her curiously for a moment.

"In case we want to talk to each other" she shrugs, feeling oddly embarrassed about it, but Sweetie just lights up and smiles.

"Good idea, Scoots!"

The Pegasus hides a smile by fiddling with her sleeping bag, and sees Apple Bloom staring at them, with the most exasperated expression on her face.

"What?" She asks, but Bloom just mutters something about 'needing another room' and turns away.

They do not stay up until midnight, but they do get pretty close and they do stargaze, so Scootaloo is willing to call it a win.

She wakes up at some indeterminable time, shaken awake by the feel of hot wind on her face. She blinks blearily, and almost yelps when she realizes she is muzzle to muzzle with Sweetie, who is sleeping peacefully.

She leans back a bit, ignoring the pang of cold that hits her when she does. She would back up completely, except that Sweetie's hoof is on her leg, and moving would probably wake her up.

So instead she closes her eyes and tries to ignore the thoughts telling her there's no better way to fall asleep.

Sweetie Belle is passing through town when she sees Tender Taps, and stops to say hello.

"Hey, Tapps, did I hear something about you being chosen for entertainment for the Grand Galloping Gala?"

"Yeah!" The colt smiles, demure. "It was so crazy! I still can't really believe it!"

"You are the best dancer in our town."

"Yeah, thanks to you and your friends. Speaking of which" he pauses, tilting his head at her "how are you and Scootaloo?"

There's teasing in his tone, but most of it is genuine curiosity, and Sweetie doesn't know what to do with that.

"We're fine" she says stiffly "BFF's, as always."

"Oh" he looks contrite for a second, but, before he can say anything else, another voice chirps up from down the street.

"Hey Sweetie!"

She has to take a second before answering "yeah Scootaloo?"

She doesn't say her friends nickname, because Tender Taps is already grinning like a foal who won the lottery.

Scootaloo is at the very top of the street, which is more of a hill, with an incline enough that Sweetie has to crane her neck a bit to meet her friends eyes.

"Watch this!"

And then, she's off, pushing a hoof off the ground and buzzing her wings to move her scooter along, she shoots down the hill like lightning, before flipping, head over hooves, with the scooter, just to bring the wheels back down to the ground again and brake a couple of feet in front of Sweetie.

She had heard about this trick, heard about Scootaloo practicing this, and that practice clearly paid off, going by the cheers and whistles rebounding the room.

But Sweetie's not paying attention to them, because she's already moving, closing the distance in seconds to throw her hooves around her Best Friend's neck.

Sometimes, it surprises Sweetie how small she is. Apple Bloom is an Apple, all tall and muscular, while Scootaloo is all lean and lanky, so she always looks tiny next to them.

Despite this, even though she's the second smallest in her entire class, and has to literally tilt her head back if she wants to talk to Bloom face to face, she forgets how absolutely tiny she is.

And then there's moments like this, where Scootaloo easily lifts her back hooves off the ground and Sweetie lets out a surprised squeak, which prompts a laugh from Scootaloo, who places her back on the ground.

She feels dizzy and warm and is acutely aware of everypony watching them, so she takes a small step back, so that they're not basically touching muzzles, and for a second, she thinks she sees Scootaloo's face fall.

"You should show that to Rainbow Dash" is what she says, and she brightens again, zooming off to find her idol.

Sweetie Belle can feel Tender Taps approach her.

"Don't say it" she says.

When Aunt Lofty sends her in to Carousel Boutique for more wool, Scootaloo isn't expecting to overhear a conversation between her Best Friend and her sister.

"How do you know you love someone?"

It's Sweetie's voice, but it doesn't sound right, all muted and nervous, and, oh boy, that is not a conversation Scootaloo should be overhearing. She looks around for a bell to ring or something, but, for all her professionalism, it seems that this never occurred to Rarity.

She eyes the door up, wondering if she can come back at some other time, but Aunt Lofty really wanted to finish her scarf, and this was the only place that would have this kind of wool.

A pause, and then Rarity's voice "well, that all depends. For some, it's sudden, while others, it's more . .  gradual."

"Is that what it was like? For you, I mean."

"No, no. She crept up on me."

The sentence is barely over before Sweetie is saying "me too! At least, I think she did? I never really noticed until recently, but . ."

Scootaloo frowned. She? Sweetie had never shown any interest in any fillies in their class before. She knew her Unicorn friend had a crush on a couple of colts before, but outside of that, she had never shown a special interest in any females before.

Unless . . .

Scootaloo's mind dragged up a picture, of Diamond Tiara and Sweetie Belle, deep in discussion, heads bent together. They had been talking about their parents, Scootaloo remembered. The two had found common ground in the fact that their parents were always gone for some reason.

She found herself wishing she had entered that conversation, not so much as to complain about her parents, than just to break up the strange closeness the two had.

Which was, of course, ridiculous. Sweetie was allowed to like whoever she wanted, right? It shouldn't matter to Scootaloo if her friend had a crush on someone.

"I, uh, I don't think she really likes me in that way though" and Sweetie sounded so dejected that Scootaloo fought the urge to round the corner and hug her.

"You don't know until you try" Rarity said, doing an admirable job of filling in for Scootaloo, who just wanted to comfort her little friend.

"But we're coworkers! It could mess everything up! Besides, Scoots has never shown any interest in girls before and-"

It's around there that the conversation fades away from Scootaloo as she carefully backs out of the boutique and onto her bike, any thought of the wool far from her mind.

Instead, she climbed aboard her scooter, and raced away, stopping when she was far enough away and collapsing on the ground.

She isn't sure how much time passes as she lays on the ground, staring up at the sky, painted gold and pink by the sunset.

Sweetie likes her.

Sweetie likes her?

Sweetie likes her!

Sweetie likes her.

What in the hell is she going to do?

Well, first off, a voice that sounds remarkably like Twilight Sparkle in her head says, do you like girls?

Scootaloo doesn't even have to stop and think of this, as it's a solid yeah. She remembers crushing on Princess Cadence when she was smaller, and a brief infatuation with Gabby.

She is, in her Aunt's words, the ultimate lesbian.

Okay, so, do you like Sweetie?

Now this, this gives her pause.

She remembers when she first met Sweetie; she and her parents had just moved from Oatstralia, and she had just discovered that bullies existed here in Ponyville too. Awesome. She had decided to take the traditional route and keep her head down, and don't talk to anyone. And yet, the day after she had decided that, a Unicorn had moved down from Caneighda to be with her sister more.

She and Sweetie Belle had known each other for a long time, longer than they knew Bloom at least.

She remembers the chill she had felt when she pulled away from Sweetie that night in the treehouse, of seeing her rushing across to congratulate her on her awesome trick the other day, eyes bright and grin even brighter-

Oh.

Oh hell.

The Gay Panic is starting to come in strong, and she now understands why Sweetie wanted to talk to Rarity about all this, because she has this overwhelming urge to run to her Aunts, because surely they'll know what to do.

Maybe she can ignore all this, and it'll just . .  go away?

She closes her eyes and immediately Sweetie Belle jumps into her mind, a Sweetie with slumped shoulders and teary eyes as she stares, defeated up at her Best Friend.

Immediately her eyes snap open again, because, that's not happening. She will not hurt Sweetie, she wouldn't be able to live with herself if she did.

Then she groans, because that was so cheesy and she is so, so screwed.

Apple Bloom walks into the tree house, looks at the two of them, working in complete silence, not looking at each other, and immediately walks back out.

"Ah've got chores to do!" She says in response to their questions and objections.

Sweetie can understand, though. Celestia knows, she would rather be anywhere than here right now, basking in the awkwardness she had created, because she is too awkward to talk to her Best Friend.

This is what you get, a part of her says, you want to make things complicated? You have to deal with the awkwardness.

"So" Scootaloo says, breaking the silence at last, and Sweetie immediately wants to curl up and die, because that is Scootaloo's this-is-gonna-be-so-awkward tone of voice. The last time she had used it, she had brought up why Sweetie's parents were never around. The time before that? Apple Bloom's parents.

Sweetie has learnt to fear that tone.

"So?" She echoes, deliberately innocent as she eyes the door for a quick escape.

"So I've been thinking" Scootaloo says "about you and me."

You know what? Forget the door, Sweetie will gladly take a hole to swallow her up in.

"You and I?" She repeats, correcting it slightly, because she at least pays attention in English.

"Yeah" Scootaloo smirks slightly, before it falls "I think it's time we talked about our, uh, friendship."

Sweetie screws her eyes up tight, pulse in her head as she tries to think her way out of this one. But, this, this is it. And Scootaloo clearly knows that she knows what she is talking about, going by how awkward she looks.

Well, if this is the end of their friendship, at least she should be honest about it.

"I'm sorry" she whispers, tears pricking her eyes. "you were never supposed to find out."

Scootaloo tilts her head, meeting Sweetie's eyes for a fleeting moment before looking away again "why not?"

"Because we're coworkers" Sweetie says miserably. "If I told you, things would be awkward between us, and then things would be awkward between us and Bloom and" she cuts herself off with a sigh "you guys are my first friends" she admits "I don't want to lose you."

"You guys are my first friends too" Scootaloo admits. "but who says things have to be awkward between us?"

"I- uh- what?"

Scootaloo kisses her.

It's brief and messy and as awkward as this conversation, but she does it and Sweetie is left standing, stock still, staring at the Pegasus, who has the same look of bafflement she does.

"That was my first kiss" is all she thinks to say, because why not?

Scootaloo laughs, loud and still nervous "yeah, me too."

Then she kisses Scootaloo, using her magic to pull her down to do so. It's more than she imagined it would ever be, and she feels oddly giddy, bouncing on her hooves slightly as she does so.

They pull apart and she grins up at the Pegasus, who smiles back down.

"Why" Scootaloo asks, laughing "didn't we do that sooner?"

Sweetie Belle laughs.

Small notes!

For the record, Canadian Sweetie Belle only came into existence because I wondered about Cookie Crumbles and Hondo Flanks, and it turns out their accents are midwestern or Canadian, and Canadian Sweetie was the greatest thing I have ever heard of ever. 

Plus, to me it would explain why Apple Bloom had never met Sweetie or Scootaloo before Call of the Cutie, which is especially odd since Ponyville is such a small town and they have the same class. So, they had both just moved there recently. 

Australian Scootaloo, is, of course, a given due to her heritage, but they move around so much she never really had time to develop an accent. She moved in with her aunts after they put their hooves down and demanded that Scootaloo be allowed to stay in one place long enough to make actual friends. Scootaloo thinks her parents are amazing and that nothing is wrong with them constantly leaving her, getting defensive if anyone has any word against them. Despite them missing her cutecenera by several months, she still enthusiastically greeted them and forgave them immediately

Sweetie’s parents, on the other hand, drift in and out of her life. They often take long, amazing trips without her or Rarity, leaving poor Sweetie feeling like they don’t want her and desperate for any attention, leaving her to cling to her sister for support (why she’s always at Rarities instead of at home). After they miss her cutecenera, she basically turns her back on them

[ghxstype]

ZEPHIA I DID IT

3 Fears - the ocean, the dark, angry men

3 things I love - my friends, my pups, myself

2 turn ons - someone who is comfortable with themself & humor

2 turn offs - if you’re not open-minded & naivety

Best friend - I have a few Michelle Sabrina and Zephia are my mains tho

Sexual Orientation - Bisexual

Height - 5 ‘7

What do I miss - idk if I really miss anything like there’s friendships that I might miss but like they were toxic lmao

Fav Color - green

Crush? - I always have a crush on someone, whether it’s a serious crush or the one girl at the metaphysical store I met one time

Fave place - Death Valley

What am I listen ring to rn - Elf the movie

Shoes size - 9.5

Eye Color - Light Brown

Hair Color - brown with a streak of green rn

Meaning behind URL - Persephone

Fave Song - I have many rn is Self Care by MAC Miller

Fave Band - love the 1975

How I feel rn - content

Someone I love - myself

Current relationship status - Singleee

Relationship w/ parents - eh

Fave season - winter/fall

Tattoos piercings I have - two conch, one daith, lobes, and cartilage

Tattoos/piercings I want - nipples redone, tongue, smiley, nose repierced, septum, industrial redone, and I want a nature/wicca themed sleeve

Reasons I joined tumblr - all my friends were on it

Good morning/ good night texts - I haven’t gotten a good morning/night text since HS

Have I kissed the last person I texted - uhhh no

How long does it take to get ready in the morning - it can take me 5 minutes it can also take an hour and a half

Last time you shaved your legs? - three days ago

Where are u rn - home

Music loud or reasonable level - a mix of both

Yes I live with my mom and dad

I am excited for Friendsgiving with my loves tomorrow

I do not have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to

I wear a fake smile mostly at work

I would like to meet ZENDAYA

I think about ... money the most

I prefer to be behind the camera

The last lie I told was I was sent home from work because I was afraid my mom would get mad at me if she knew I didn’t go at all

I really like video chatting

Yeah I believe in ghosts and aliens we think we have a ghost in win my house

I am a witch therefore I believe in magic

Yes I believe in luck/karma

The weather is cold rn

Last book I read was the city of bones

Nicknames are Katie, Kate, SweetieFace (by dad)

I spend money on bills mostly

I can not touch my nose with my tongue

Fave animal is a boop noodle (snakes)

At 12 am last night I was smoking

Purple rain by prince always makes me happy when I hear it

Fave word is fuck obvi

Top 5 blogs are @thosediamondreams @blairbittchproject @man-teater @himoon @beatleluvr22 I love all my mutual’s blogs really

If the whole word we’re listening to me rn I would ask someone to assasinate the president

I have no relatives in jail

Current desktop photo is a black screen

I’ve had sex but not intercourse

I have bought condoms before

I have never been pregnant

Never kissed anyone in the rain

Yes I’ve had a job

I smoke weed yes

I do not smoke cigarettes

I do drink alcohol

I’m neither vegetarian or vegan tho I do think about it often

Currently overweight

Never been underweight

I’ve had my heartbroken tho wouldn’t say it’s always been romantically

I went to my prom

I’ve been on an airplane (18 hours)

Never been able to fluently speak another language

I often wear makeup

My hair is currently dyed

Never had surgery

Never met anyone famous unless monster truck drivers count

Everyone has stalked people on social media

I’ve been fishing hated it

I’ve been rejected by a crush

For my birthday I’d like quality time with my friends

50% of the time I like my handwriting

When I’m older I’d like to live in a smaller town in the pacific northwest about an hour outside a major city

I’ve never been caught sneaking out or doing anything bad tho my parents have found out

I’m really bad at overcoming my social anxiety

Greatest achievements ahah ahah idk

Meanest thing anyone has ever said to me was by my dad

If I won the lottery I’d pay off all my debts and my parents and then slowly give money to family members and friends

What do I like about myself - I’m v passionate about a lot of things

My closest tumblr friend is Zephia

I’m an introverted-extrovert

I’m attracted to a lot of different types of people, I think I’m attracted to someone’s energy

Umm currently not in a position where I’d be in a relationship in two months but if it happens than it happens

I love talking about sex and sexuality

I always have deep conversations with Michelle

The most recent text I sent was to A group chat saying TAROT CARDS AHHH

Top 5 fave songs are Self care by Mac Miller Rukes by Doja Cat Lights up Harry Stiles Watermelon Sugar by Harry Styles and Drinking Games by Silver Sphere

I love it when people play with my hair

I hope there’s life on other planets

Love me some bubble baths

My neighbors are drug dealers so I don’t really interact with them lmao

I’d love to travel to Greece

I’m most uncomfy with my tummy

When I wake up I usually fall back asleep or go on my phone

I’m comfortable with my current skin tone

Eventually I’ll get married but not for atleast another 5 years

My hair is long enough for a ponytail

I could live without tv but not music

Everyone I’ve ever like I have either told or they found out anyway

Love old navy and my metaphysical shops

I think people deserve second chances but not thirds (just realized I’ve never given anyone a second chance lmao)

I smile at strangers all the time

Mmm never done anything recently I hope no one finds out about

Never really wished I was someone else

Fave makeup brand is Jeffree

Last thing I ate was my moms beef burgundy

I think I’ve thought I was in love but idk

Twitter over fb

Tumblr over Twitter

Watching Elf rn

My bath towel is red

Fave ice cream flavor is Honey

First person I talked to today was my mom

Hate ONISION and the president also personally hate this girl from HS

Last person I talked to was my dad

Love my loves Michelle Zephia Sabrina

Will always take the chance to punch the president in the face

I tan maybe once or twice a year

I have 2 puppers

I type pretty fast yeah

I regret a lot of things and I’ve talked about them on this blog

I don’t think I’ve ever broken someone’s heart lemme know

Yes I have liked someone so much it hurt

Cheating is never okay

I think I believe in true love, Not sure if I’ve ever experienced it

I’m a Capricorn

Yes I believe in ghosts

I’m v comfy sitting here doing this watching Elf I’m not getting up to get the closest book to me to open it to page 42 to see the first line in the page tho it would be like It or something

[dontwantthenextcommanderiwantyou]

1-70 🙊

really… Really... R E A L L Y… How very fcking BOLD of you 😂

You know what, since I’m in such a good mood after watching Juliana “Braver than every Marine” Valdes go off on her deadbeat abusive father and defend her love for her soulmate Valentina, I’m actually gonna answer all 70 for you.

1. You just opened up a web browser. What is the first site you visit?

Tumblr of course, gotta get caught up on today’s gayness.

2. You just walked into a bookstore. What section do you go to first?

Mystery, I only go into a bookstore for one author and it’s Iris Johansen.

3. You are hanging with your closest friends. What are you most likely doing?

Something that could probably end badly for us lol My friends and I always look back on our nights out saying to each other “atleast we didn’t die tho” 

4. You just turned your car on. What station is the radio tuned to?

I don’t have radio stations set because I can’t stand the commercials, I need constant music when I’m driving so I always have my phone playlists on.

5. You have just woken up for the morning. What is the first things you do?

Go to the kitchen because I’m hungry, look around at the food, then go back to bed because I’m still too sleepy to make something to eat.

6. Complete this phrase: You cannot buy happiness, but you can buy____.

“but you can buy things that will MAKE you happy… such as dogs, a house in a safe neighborhood, a reliable car, medications and medical supplies, etc.”

7. What would you do if you woke up as the opposite gender?

First, I’d cry. Then I’d go practice my aim peeing standing up lol

8. Are you more likely to cook for yourself or buy food from a restaurant?

More often than not I’m cooking for myself, especially if I’m training because it’s cheaper eating healthy with homemade meals. 

9. If you had to lose one of your senses, which one would you rather lose?

I need my sight, hearing, and touch for sure, and I already know how much it sucks to lose taste after my radiation treatments, so smell would have to go.

10. If you could relive any one year of your life, how old would you be?

17, I’d wanna relive my first year of college.

11. Would you take a bullet for anyone you know?

My mom, brothers, nieces and nephews.

12. Would you rather be rich and dumb or poor and extremely intelligent?

Poor and intellige– nah fck that, I’d legit take being rich and dumb because if being dumb means I can secure my family’s future then I’m good, I could always pay someone to handle the brainy shit for me while I’m swimming in money lol

13. What TV character do you most relate to?

Tasha Williams from The L Word.

14. You just walked into a supermarket. What section do you first go to?

Sports & Outdoors… knowing damn well I don’t need to be buying anything but hoping to find a good deal on something so I can justify buying it.

15. Is sex before marriage wrong?

HELL NO! Sex is right… Marriage all together is wrong, wouldn’t recommend it.

16. You just won the lottery. What is the first thing you do with your winnings?

Buy a new phone and one-way ticket outta the state so no one can hit me up asking for money lol 

17. If your best friend admitted that they have a crush on you, how would you react?

I’d be flattered and make some joke about her having horrible taste in women.

18. Will the USA ever have a female president?

**I’ll have an answer to this question after November 3rd 2020**

19. You are carpooling with your friends. Are you more likely to be the driver or a passenger?

Unless it’s my turn to be the DD, I’m not driving with my friends.

20. How short is too short for skirts and dresses?

That’s not for me to decide because I’m not the one wearing them so if a woman is comfortable with a skirt that barely covers her labia, then more power to her. 

21. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, without any consequences, what food would you choose?

Pizza, there are so many variety of toppings that I’d never get tired of eating it.

22. It’s Saturday night. What are you most likely doing?

Reading fanfiction

23. You go on a blind date. Your date is extremely beautiful and physically captivating, but you hate their personality. Would you want a second date?

Ab-So-Lute-Ly fcking not! All of the beauty in the world can’t make up for an ugly ass personality. I mean we could be fck buddies, but never a “dating” situation.

24. How strict should gun laws be?

25. Would you rather be the worst player on the best team or the best player on the worst team?

Worst player on the best team because I wouldn’t be able to stand being the one putting in all the work while my teammates slack off. Atleast if I’m on the best team I’d be able to learn from players who are better than me. 

26. How well do you work with others?

Not well at all unless I haaaave to.

27. You have the ability to cure only one fatal disease and eradicate it forever. What disease do you choose?

Whatever disease is most deadly to dogs, I’d eradicate that one. 

28. If you could go back to college and choose a different degree to study, would you?

Nope, forensic science is what I was meant to study, I loved every minute of it.

29. Where do you see yourself ten years from now?

Bish I can’t even see myself 10 days from now, I don’t fcking know lol

30. Are you pro-life or pro-choice?

Pro-Choice Pro-Choice Pro-Choice Pro-Choice Pro-ChoicePro-Choice

31. Would you attend a same sex wedding if invited?

Yes my gay ass would happily attend a gay wedding.

32. So far, what has been the greatest day of your life?

The day I landed in Germany for my first duty station.

33. Has anyone you know ever been arrested?

Yeah.

34. If it could be one season year-round, what season do would you want it to be?

Winter.

35. What is your biggest regret in life?

Not making my ex sign a prenup smh

36. If you could bring one celebrity back from the dead, who would it be?

37. What offends you the most?

Non-black people saying nigga. I don’t care if they’re white, latino, asian, any other person of color… or if they’re gay, bi, trans, any other minority… or if their sister-in-law’s baby cousin Tracy got a brother and his girlfriend’s black. If they aint black & they have nigga in their vocabulary, they’re a piece of shit, periodT

38. Would you rather have an ugly hairstyle or be bald?

No question about it…

39. At what age did you have your first alcoholic beverage?

Listen, I learned when I was like 8 or 9 to keep my ass in a child’s place when I tried to be slick and take a few sips from a beer can my cousin left on the table… only to get a mouthful of cigarette butts -_-

40. What do you think happens to us when we die?

Nothing, you just dead.

41. What do you think is the best way to quit smoking?

Have some willpower to not be an asshole who pollutes the air I gotta breathe. 

42. If you could take home any one animal from the zoo, which animal would you choose?

Penguin 

43. We’re humans created or did we evolve from earlier species?

44. What scares you the most?

Dying and being the introvert I am, no one would even know anything was wrong until 6 months went by without hearing from me, and my body’s just laying there decaying and making me unpresentable for my own damn funeral  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

45. What personality trait turns you off the most?

Being disloyal. 

46. You got offered a job to do something you hate, but the pay will make you rich. Do you take it?

Yeah… then once I’m rich I’ll quit :) 

47. If today you only had what you were thankful for yesterday, how much would you have?

Enough… not enough… 

48. How often do you get mad or upset at yourself?

Every damn day

49. If you could choose one celebrity to be your parent, who would you choose?

Michelle or Barack Obama.

50. If you could only listen to one musical artist for the rest of you life, who would you be listening to?

The Rap God himself.

51. Have you ever used you cell phone while driving?

Guilty.

52. Had anyone you were close to die way too young?

Yes.

53. Is world peace possible?

*Refer to question 18*

54. You go on a blind date. You date is extremely ugly and physically appalling, but you are madly in love with their personality. Would you want a second date?

A bomb ass personality is worth a second date.

55. How did you discover that Santa Claus isn’t real?

When I realized that whole story never made any sense… no white dude was coming to the hood to give niggas toys for free. Momma aint raise no dummy.

56. Do you believe in God, or some form of higher deity?

I believe in Deism, the knowledge of a God based on the application of our reason on the designs/laws found throughout nature. The designs presuppose a Designer. Deism is therefore a “natural” religion, not a “revealed” religion. It is the recognition of a universal creative force greater than mankind, supported by personal observation, perpetuated and validated by the innate ability of human reason coupled with the rejection of claims made by individuals and organized religions of having received special divine revelation.

57. If you could save someone you deeply cared about, but it meant breaking a law, would you do it?

IN A HEARTBEAT! 

58. What is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done for money?

Enlisted in the military.

59. If you were to make a YouTube video about what you know most about, what would the subject be?

Being a ✊🏿 black 🌈 lesbian ♀️ woman. 

60. What do you think is your greatest personality flaw?

I have very little patience. 

61. If your friends spoke to you the way you speak to yourself, would you still want them as friend?

Hey, if they’re honest then I can’t be mad at em.

62. Have you ever “woke up like this”?

Sometimes I do be waking up like this if I may say so myself

63. You got offered a job to do something you love, but the pay is one of the worst out there. Do you take it?

If it’s not a livable wage then obviously no. But if it’s a livable wage that doesn’t leave me with extra money, then yeah doing what I love is worth the sacrifice.

64. What do you think is your best physical feature?

100% my muscles, I don’t put in work at the gym and eat vegetables for nothing!

65. What do you think is your worst physical feature.

I’m 5′1″… 9 times outta 10 I’m the shortest adult in the room… aint that a bitch

66. Do you know anyone who has committed suicide?

No.

67. What is the nicest thing you’ve ever done for someone you don’t know?

Not knock them the fck out when they said black people need to be happy white people haven’t made us their slaves again yet.

68. Have you ever had a night’s dream come true?

Idk but I swear I have moments of deja vu tho, then I think maybe they were actually just things I dreamed about in the past… hell if I know.

69. How would you reject a date offer from someone you didn’t like?

Tell them I don’t like them. I’m all about being direct. 

70. Which do you think is worse: Failure, or never trying at all?

Never trying. Nothing wrong with trying and failing, everything wrong with being too lazy to even try. 

[passionate-baker]

Italian Adventures Part I: Florence

Friends, welcome to Part I of our Italian Adventures: Florence!

I’m so excited to share this travel guide with you! It has been such a long time in the making and I’m dying to tell you about all of our favourite places in the Tuscan capital. 

Let me just start with this statement: we adore Italy. If Italophile is a word - which google has led me to believe it could be - then Boyfriend & I would definitely be described as such. We love the vibe, the food, the wine, the museums, the language, the atmosphere, the gelato, everything. This is the case for Italy as a whole, yes - but Florence in particular has something that other Italian cities just can’t compare with.. and I’m not just talking about the world’s best cheesecake - but there’s more on that below. 

There’s a huge amount of recommendations in this post. I’ve streamlined the recs into six sections: Stay / Coffee / Eat / Drink / Museums + Attractions / Places to See. The first four are self-explanatory, but the difference between the last two sections is an entry fee; Museums + Attractions are all paid entrance, while the Places to See are free. If you have any doubts about any of the places listed below, just know that we’ve been to each & every single place a whole bunch of times (some an embarrassingly large amount of times), so you know you can actually trust us when we say they’re reliable. 

Happy travelling, friends! 

STAY

Leonardo House  //  we’ve stayed at Leonardo House on our last two visits to the city, and - unless we win the lottery and splurge on a fancy hotel - we’ll definitely be returning again! It has an amazing location, it’s extremely budget friendly, and the manager is so so lovely. It’s more of a hostel than anything else, so it’s more pared back than what you might be looking for, but the private rooms are clean and quiet. Honestly, it’s the location that has us returning time after time - it is literally less than a three minute walk straight into the centre of the Duomo complex - what more could you ask for?

COFFEE

Caffe Gilli  //  we have a copy of Ruth Orkin’s fabulous American Girl in Italy photograph & I’d wanted to visit the spot it was taken in since the first moment I saw it. That place is Caffe Gilli. We were so far from disappointed upon walking in the doors that we went back for our morning hit every. single. day. and then some. Pro tip: drink your coffee & eat your pastry at the bar, it costs much less! .. and before you ask: yes, we tried to capture our own take of the iconic photo, and also: no, you cannot see it. A must-visit. 

La Rinascente  //  to be honest, I can’t actually remember what the coffee is like in Rinascente - but that isn’t why you should go there anyway. The cafe boasts a rooftop terrace - La Terrazza - that has a breathtaking view over the Duomo complex. It is the ultimate place for a romantic coffee date. Shout-out to Boyfriend’s parents for recommending!

EAT

4Leoni  //  we are obsessed with 4Leoni. It is hands down our favourite restaurant in Florence, and we have been back an embarrassing amount of times. The food is always impeccable, the location is stunning, the staff are extremely friendly, it doesn’t cost an arm and a leg, and it’s home to the best baked cheesecake the world has ever seen. I’m not even exaggerating a little bit. A definite must-visit. 

Il Santo Bevitore  //  okay fine, we are also mildly obsessed with IlSB, and have returned a few times now. The food is always exceptional, and there is a level of perfection & professionalism about the place that 4Leoni can’t quite compare with. The menu is inventive, unusual - on our last visit there was a strong Japanese influence to the meals - and leaves us wowed every time. Our most recent culinary highlights included: an n’duja pasta starter that left Boyfriend drooling, & a mouth-wateringly thick steak that was cooked to absolute perfection. Another must-visit.

Trattoria Giovanni  //  I can’t remember exactly what led us to this restaurant, but we had an unexpectedly fantastic meal. The atmosphere wasn’t as comfortable as either 4Leoni or Il Santo Bevitore, but the place can’t be faulted on the food. We shared a delicious cheese board to start, and had two absolutely perfect pasta dishes for mains -  braised beef cheek for him, and wild boar for me. Overall, a surprisingly good find.

O’Munaciello  //  pizzeria in the Oltrarno. A large, quirky room decorated with fairy lights, candles, and puppets. A real no frills place, but the pizza is reliably good and not too expensive. 

La Carraia Gelato  //  our favourite gelato in city, and arguably the best of the bunch. We are repeat visitors and are forever opting for our fave flavours: nocciola & pistacchio - so. good. 

DRINK

Il Santino  //  extra chic wine bar connected to Il Santo Bevitore. An amazingly tiny space with a small handful of tables clustered together & stools lining the bar. The room is dark & moody, the vibe casual & hipster. The menu is minuscule and sans prices, but after a brief chat with our extremely knowledgeable waitress, we were brought the custom made charcuterie & cheese board of our dreams. We lingered over our tiny table with our various glasses of wine - which were paired with our food by our waitress - for as long as was socially acceptable. If you read our Edinburgh Guide, the place has the same kind of feel as Smith & Gertrude (but so much nicer and friendlier). We loved every single second, a definite must-visit. 

La Ménagere  //  I’ll be honest, I only wanted to visit LM because of the powers of Instagram. I saw it on my feed, I loved the style, & I had to see it for myself. The space itself is beautiful, and it melted my insta-eyes as soon as we reached the door. Initially, I had to drag Boyfriend inside - he isn’t as easily influenced as I - but once we spied the cocktail list, peace was restored. An ice cold margarita served in a silver chalice for me, an old fashioned garnished with shavings of chocolate for him. They were, honestly, the best cocktails of our entire lives. Win-win!

5 e Cinque  //  one night, after dinner in 4Leoni - which is literally a stone’s throw away - we wandered in here for a glass of wine. We enjoyed two glasses of the most delicious Sangiovese ever, for an incredibly reasonable price. Although we had just eaten, everything on the dinner menu sounded so enticing that we vowed to return.

Bulli & Balene  //  the perfect spot for an Aperol Spritz. I think we went to B&B every single day we were in Florence. Both as a pre- & post-dinner at 4Leoni drink, as an afternoon pick-me-up, as a “hey, that place was nice!” stop-off on a wander around town, as a perfect spot to people-watch over a glass or two, you name it. Added bonus: drinks are excellent value!

Archea Brewery  //  we love wine & all - don’t get us wrong - but sometimes you just need a good beer, and this is the place for that. We visit every time we’re in the city & have yet to leave disappointed. Think dark cavernous room with a cozy atmosphere and a relaxed vibe. Pro tip: go for the own brand lager, it’s delicious! A beer lover’s must-visit.

Antica Sosta degle Aldobrandini  //  a perfect people-watching spot. Small bar, cheap food, located across the road from the Medici Chapel, with cold Becks in fridge. We’ll take two, thanks.   

MUSEUMS + ATTRACTIONS 

Santa Maria del Fiore Complex  //  obviously, everyone visits the complex for one reason: the Duomo. The Cathedral itself is breathtakingly beautiful & probably worth some of your precious time, but definitely don’t miss the chance to climb the Duomo. If you’re an art history nerd like me, be sure to check out the Duomo Museum at the back of the complex - amongst other things, they have Michelangelo’s Florentine Pieta (!), and an exact replica of Ghiberti’s Gates of Paradise that you can actually look at without being hassled by hundreds of tourists. Pro tip: buy your ticket for the complex (you have to by an all-in-one ticket) the day before you plan to climb the Duomo; that way you can beat the majority of the queues by getting there before the ticket office opens for the day. For sure, a must-visit. 

Uffizi  //  like the Louvre, this is one of those museums that you just can’t miss. It’s home to some wonderful pieces of art by the greats: Botticelli, Da Vinci, Caravaggio etc, the list is endless. It always takes longer to work through the circuitous layout than expected, so be sure to allow extra time.

Accademia  //  obviously, when in Florence, you have to visit Michelangelo’s masterpiece: David... or more specifically speaking, you have to go marvel at that perfectly sculpted specimen of man. I made several return trips around the pedestal just to fully appreciate how beautiful he is. And to check out his butt, of course. Wowza. 

Boboli Gardens  //  although undeniably beautiful in their own right, we only bought tickets into the gardens for one reason: the Buontalenti Grotto. The grotto is at the end of the Vasari Corridor - which I’ve never had the opportunity to visit but would absolutely love to - & is honestly like something straight out of my imagination. We stood outside the gates staring in for an embarrassing amount of time - the sculptures inside are beyond amazing.

PLACES TO SEE

Loggia dei Lanzi  //  my favourite sculpture in the entire world - The Rape of the Sabine Women by Giambologna - is located in the Loggia, not a stone’s throw from the Uffizi. Basically, the Loggia is a free, open-air sculpture gallery filled with unmissable pieces of art. Whenever we visit, I stand mesmerized under Giambologna’s masterpiece before moving on to gawp at Cellini’s selfie in the back of Perseus’s helmet. For me, this is a total must-visit.

Palazzo Michelangelo  //  everyone recommends walking up here and it is easy to see why: you get to see beautiful Firenze from on high! The bridges spanning the width of the winding Arno, the red rooftops capping the city, the Duomo. Pro tip: head up there super early to avoid the crowds... or brave the crowds & go for that magical time right before the sun sets. 

Fiesole  //  we actually have Boyfriend’s mom to thank for telling us all about the small hilltop village of Fiesole, about a 20-minute bus ride out of the city. The bus ticket was super cheap (like, €1.50), and the journey alone was worth it - it takes these winding roads out of the city going up, up, up, leaving you gaping out the window at the views of Florence below. The village is adorable, and very quiet in comparison to the busy streets of Firenze. We hiked up towards the Monastery of San Francesco to get that view over Florence. Perfection!

Palazzo Stozzi  //  a breathtakingly beautiful space in the heart of the city. Used largely as an exhibition space - when we visited they were just about to start a Marina Ambrovic show - but open to the public to walk around. 

RELATED POSTS: 

Bremen, Germany  //  Paris, France  //  Amsterdam, Holland   //  Copenhagen, Denmark  //  Cork, Ireland  //  Edinburgh, Scotland  //  Westport, Ireland  //  Barcelona, Spain  //  Munich, Germany  //  Vienna, Austria  //  London, UK i - ii - iii 

[leoxrobertson]

Harsh truth 2 (of 8) for writers

Other people are doing this

As you’re reading this, someone is writing right now. They may be finishing a novel they’ve worked on for 10 years that is about to blow the world apart. And maybe you’ve never even written a full poem yet!

Maybe you weren’t thinking about this. If you are now, somehow it still doesn’t bother you.

Good! It shouldn’t.

All but one person is a lesser writer than the best writer. They all do it anyway. That’s true for, by our calculations last time, 100 - 0.00004 = 99.99996 % of authors who aren’t George Saunders. (As we go, it’s becoming more absurd, I hope, the notion of there being a “best writer.”)

And that’s in terms of writing quality. If it’s to do with money made as an author, imagine how small a percentage that puts JK Rowling or Stephen King into. It’s very, very likely you will never accrue the wealth or fame that they have. It’s legitimately like winning the lottery.

You don’t act as if you’re going to get struck by lightning seven times every day, so you shouldn’t act as if you will never be happy unless you become that rich or famous. Rowling has more money than any other author has ever had in the history of time!

Something else drives writers.

One of the reasons is of course that they’re all writing different things. There is space for them! But surely even the top writers pray their favourite writers don’t attempt to write about the same subjects as them. (Sometimes.)

There is, however, a more comforting way to explain why you should keep writing.

Authors are inclined to give reasons for their drive, but I think the question is too big for them.

“Questions that are too big” are a thing I’ve thought about a lot recently. Sometimes when I get into discussions/arguments with people, they’ll throw these types of questions at me: “Okay, Leo, well if you believe I should take my feet off the table in polite company, can you explain to me how we know the table even exists? If you can’t, how can you prove I even did what you’ve accused me of in the first place? Gotcha!!”

I believe when a question is clearly too big (or evidently impractical), we’re absolved from having to answer it. We may give our answer on occasion, acknowledging that it may not be anyone else’s answer. But we can may choose to redirect our energies elsewhere, or reduce the scope of the problem that we’ll set about solving.

“Okay, maybe I can set about proving that the table exists later, but in the meantime, I’d appreciate it if, in mixed company, you keep your feet off the object that we, for all intents and purposes assume is there, and which we refer to as a table, while the pope is over for lunch!”

People write and they don’t know why. It’s so much bigger than them that they can’t explain it. All writers do, even in entire lifetimes, is chip off but a fraction of the block of the unknown, or of imagination’s infinite potential. It’s a compulsion, but a healthy one, and doesn’t really need to be questioned.

Something else drives writers, and they don’t even need to worry about what it is. The question—much like the literary world—is just too big for any one person to have much of a grasp upon it.

Stay (blog equivalent of) tuned for a new harsh truth asap!!

[goffilolo]

Demise of Midoriya Izuku (part 9)

Hi! Happy new year. i hope you enjoy this chapter. It’s much shorter than the last few, but i guess i missed the shgorter format. it also allows me to post more frequently. the whole fic is also on ao3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11557743/chapters/30250017

Another day, another opportunity to piss off your psychiatrist. Because when life gives you lemons you squeeze them to get the juice in Shin’s eyes.

“-now this time I want you to open up a new page in your notebook and fill it with all of your good qualities” said Shin as if it was the easiest thing in the world.

“My what now?” asked Izuku, feeling very unimpressed and maybe slightly sarcastic, but not too much since he already had lunch.

“Izuku!” exclaimed the doctor in his usual halharted threatening tone “we’ve talked about this.”

“No, we didn’t! You talked about this, and I pretended to listen while plotting Endeavour’s murder” said the boy as a matter of fact while flipping through his notebook and pointing to a particular page titled ‘KILL ENDEAVOUR’ to prove his point.

“See? That’s another thing” shouted Shin as he stood up and pointed at his patient “What’s up with your fixation on Endeavour?”

“He’s an ass”

“No that’s not it...I mean it kinda is, but that’s not your main problem. There’s plenty of assholes you could be fixated on, Fuckugou would’ve been a better choice, given that he actually fucked you up, yet somehow…” the doctor trailed off, hoping to achieve a dramatic effect, which was not dramatic, just straight up annoying - according to Izuku at least.

“...somehow, you’re hyper fixated on this one asshole who you’ve never even met in your life, who hasn’t done anything to you, who you haven’t had any contact with whatsoever.  You know what I think?” he asked cheekily.

“No, but I’m probably about to find out” said Izuku, rather unimpressed with his doctor’s childish behaviour.

“I think…” there he goes again with the annoying pause.

“JUST GET FUCKIN ON WITH IT!”

“Alright, alright. I think that deep down it all goes back to your father-”

“For fucks sake, Shin not again. Literally every session you bring up my dad at some point. I don’t even know why you want me to talk about him, because THERE ISN’T ANYTHING TO TALK ABOUT! I haven’t seen this man since i was a little kid, I don’t remember shit about him, and yet you fixate on him. Now which one of us has daddy issues, huh?!” shouted Izuku as he overflowed with irritation. The topic of his dad was a bit of a sore spot for him and he knew it. And Shin knew it just as much. So why would he try to poke and pry on purpose, knowing how much it would agitate his patient?

“With you it’s always daddy issues, or mommy issues, it’s such a Freudian thing, you’re practically fixated on it” exclaimed Izuku, trying to divert the attention from the topic, as well as blow off some steam by messing with the psychiatrist “Is there anything you’d like to tell me? Do you perhaps want to fuck Freud?”

“Izuku, what the actual fuck!” shouted the doctor, feeling slightly disturbed by the boy’s mental gymnastics that lead to this conclusion.

“Two can play that game, Shin”

“No, no, no! We’re not doing it, I see what you’re doing and we’re not going off the topic. Back to the problem” said the doctor as he glared at the boy, wanting to get back to the main problem rather entertain Izuku by indulging him in his shenanigans.

“Because your father left so early you now have this internal unresolved conflict that you refer to as ‘daddy issues’ that you simply refuse to acknowledge and deal with, which is why you’re going to be bitter and sensitive about the subject and never be able to move on, unless you actually face it like an adult” said Shin in a gentle voice, one that Izuku has never heard before, and barely recognized as belonging to this man. It was one of those rare moments when shin showed him a different side of himself that Izuku knew meant something important.

“Alright then you Freudfucker, enlighten me about my daddy issues and how do they relate to my Endeavour hatred” said Izuku as he mentally patted himself on the back for coming up with ‘Freudfucker’.

The doctor glared at him, but otherwise did not acknowledge the new insult, insead he opened up his notes about the unruly patient and began to elaborate on the origins of the ‘daddy issues’.

“Due to the distance between your father and yourself there is a gap of some sort where a ‘father’ figure is ought to be. Basically any male figure who you look up to, admire, learn from. When it comes to you Izuku, that gap has been filled by All Might for a very long time, which makes sense if you look at it; it’s a very distant admiration of a person who you have no interaction with, the same way you have no interaction with your father.”

“Ok, that sounds like some Freudian shit, but ok” said Izuku, feeling a bit skeptical, but still curious about where all of this is going.

“After your suicide attempt and letting go of your dreams to be a hero All Might is no longer a centre of your universe, he is no longer an aspiration, therefore the gap remains empty once again. Right now you’re angry, you’re bitter and for good reasons. However there is also this anger towards your father, which you refuse to touch upon or even acknowledge, which caused you to look for another target so to say. I’m not saying you see Endeavour as a father figure, but he’s an excellent scapegoat for your anger as it allows you to both be angry on someone else’s behalf over his shitty behaviour, as well as project your own feelings. Again a distant, one-sided interaction, the same way as with your father, because you simply don’t know how to do it any other way.”

The long winded explanation of the doctor was followed by a pregnant silence as the teen was still trying to process everything the psychiatrist said to him. He felt the usual irritation’ a byproduct of his defences when it came to being analysed to a point where you’re unsure of your own motivations and identity. It felt like being scratched on the inside, knowing that it’s there, but unable to touch it yourself. The vulnerability that came with those sessions was something Izuku will never become fully comfortable with, but he’s smart enough to know that it’s not meant to be pleasant, it’s meant to be helpful.

“What the fuck” said Izuku, softly, but full of emotions that he cannot yet comprehend.

“Sorry, was it a bit too much?” asked Shin sheepishly, feeling that he overwhelmed the teenager.

“A bit is a strong word.”

“Yeah”

The silence dragged on, neither knowing how to continue the session. To be fair the session was almost over anyway. Shin looked at his watch awkwardly, then back at Izuku hoping that the boy will get the hint and end his misery. The man really hated being put in such tense, awkward situations.

“So…” he said, standing up from the chair and heading towards the door.

“Time’s up?” asked Izuku as he slowly started to wheel himself out of the room.

“Don’t worry, we will continue next session. I’m glad that we finally broke through your defences when it comes to the topic of your father. I hope we can make more progress from now on”

“Oh yeah? Well I hope to win a lottery, but life is not a wish-a-bitch” said Izuku sarcastically.

Just as the boy was about to leave the room he was smacked on the head with a clipboard.

“Oi, what did I say before? Don’t get cocky with me. And don’t forget to do what I asked you to. I know it seems silly, but it’s an opportunity for you to look at yourself beyond the image of a ‘quirkless, pitiful boy’ that the whole world around you insists on. You’re more than an extra joint in your foot.” said Shin in that inspirational tone that always irked Izuku.

“We’ll see about that”

………………………………………………………………………………

The next day Shin found a very familiar notebook stuck on the door to his office with a note attached saying ‘did my homework like a good student ;)’.

‘Suspicious’ thought Shin ‘very suspicious’.

He grabbed the notebook and went into the office, already dreading whatever it was he was about to see.

While flicking through many pages of personal thoughts, Endeavour related conspiracies and very graphic drawings depicting the hero’s death, the doctor has finally reached the last page titled ‘The Awesomeness of Midoriya Izuku’.

What followed was a list of ‘good qualities’, most of which in Shin’s opinions would be more suitable in the context have they been titled ‘How to be a perfect criminal’.

‘Superb murder planning’

‘Can sing All Might’s theme song while asleep’

‘Would be a good stalker’

‘No self preservation (survival is for the weak)’

The doctor sighed and closed the notebook, feeling already tired despite the fact that his shift hasn’t even began. This was going to be another long day.

“IZUKU!”

[kitto-toberu-sa]

Digimon Stage Play - Part One

Sorry, my friend introduced me to Tiger and Bunny, which is why this was delayed ;;; This is everything up until curtain for half time, rest will be up within the next 12 hours, sorry!!! Aight, so tl;dr: great show, actors are perfect, Yamato is beautiful beyond belief, Mimi is UGHHHHHH in the good way and I’m bitter that the whole show isn’t sold out and whoever was in charge of promotion should be forced to eat nothing but the hottest of hot chillies for the rest of their life.

Venue/Goods: a little out of the way, small. You couldn’t buy goods unless you had a ticket, which sucks. Goods were sold on the inside, line was small pre-play, massive after. My store clerk couldn’t count to save her life. People were trading, everybody hated that everything was random and there were so many types of things. Friend and I ordered dvd – no blu ray option, it’s being released in December. Had to downpay 2000 yen, which this and dvd only option has never happened before when I’ve seen other stage shows – not a good sign. No postal option, so my friend has to pick mine up for me – poor form again. (Pick up is only at animate – my nearest one is 2+ hours away :/)

Promotion/sold out: four shows sold out. Tickets reduced to 7000 yen, which is insulting for us who went through lottery. They advertised low prices at fes too. Promotion was done badly. Digimon isn’t massively popular, but Toei isn’t small either. Get a cast twitter, post rehearsal pics etc. Promotion doesn’t need to be costly. Fes advertisement (last weeks vid) was too little too late. Theres events with Miyazaki and AiM and seiyuus, which also seems last minute and an attempt to sell out. Again insulting to those of us to preordered. Shonichi didn’t sell out. Must be tough on actors. Promotion video (August 5th? 6th?) is kinda bad quality – the stage itself looks and sounds better than the video may lead you to believe.

Seating: nice, comfy. We were second row, left hand side, aisle. If we had been one or two more to the left it would have been really bad (same if you’re too overly right). The cast faces back/sideways too often, so we saw a lot of backs. Need to work on being diagonal, basic stage stuff there. However, pros of our seating were: Yamato being right in front of us when he sang, Jyou fishing in front of us and making eye contact with Etemon to the point where it was creepy lmao

Play Y’all. Y’ALL. THIS IS THE GOOD SHIT. A+ A+ A+ A+!!!!!! Agumon is twitchy in the start, scene is a little long. He’s basically like ‘my body can’t move/is moving on it’s own???? Wat? Why???’ (both happen, not a bad translation on my part). He wakes up and Gabumon’s like ‘yeah me too’ and some of the other Digimon agree but Palmon’s like ‘yeah same but it’s because I’m not a morning person lmao’.

They all go to where the kids are. So this is set sometime after Koushirou makes the cyber space for them. Mimi and Koushirou talk about camping and Mimi ends up throwing his laptop on the FLOOR. Koushirou looks heartbroken and the entire audience was ?!?!? but sasuga Mimi and Koushirou’s like … well, moving on. Mimi is perfect beyond belief. Right voice, face, mannerisms. I know that’s what acting is, but she NAILED IT. She’s all like ‘camping is about feeling the breeze~’ then acts like she has wind her face, ‘about being hot’ (ahhhh, it’s hoooooot, she says), about monsters! (she says as she stalks towards the Digimon). We then get the scene where Sora talks about the importance of August 1st. While she speaks, on the left and right sides we see actual scenes from the original anime, which is really touching. Sora mentions that although there were good times, there were bad ones too (CUE GIF OF LEOMON DYING BECAUSE THEY HAD TO HAVE IT SOMEWHERE) All the mons wanna go camping which obviously, is cool.

Hikari invites Taichi and they talk. Jyou calls Hikari but Taichi answers and Jyou doesn’t realise. ‘Damn that Taichi, he isn’t coming? Leave it to me!’ Eventually Taichi is like ‘it me moron’ and Jyou convinces him to come after Taichi’s like ‘I BET UR NOT COMING’ because Jyou, as always, has exams. Jyou is a smart ass? He’s like ‘Taichi, next year, you’ll be in my position. And if it’s you… well… you’ll be in trouble.’ SUCH A GOOD SCENE JYOU IS MVP IN THIS PLAY Y’ALL. He gets his creep on here and it’s so funny.

Next is Knife of Day. Yamato sung and you could tell he was nervous but he did really well. Yamato talks technical stuff (music wise) and then he high fives and fist bumps one of the band mates?? CUTIE PATOOTIE ALERT!!!! Honestly, he’s so pure and beautiful? One of the band mates tried to go ‘Knife of Day is… well, the name isn’t…’ ‘HAVE CONFIDENCE IT’S ALL GOOD FRIEND!!!!’ ‘Yamato that’s not what-‘ ‘WITH THESE MEMBERS WE’RE KNIFE OF DAY! WE’RE GOOD!!!’ ‘but the name-‘ ‘THESE FOUR MEMBERS. KNIFE OF DAY. HAVE CONFIDENCE!!!!’ Takeru comes along and talks about camp. Yamato is very cute toward Takeru who is worried a little about him. Very sweet scenes. Yamato explains both the band and August 1st are important to him. Later, Takeru buys Yamato a pink sleeping bag because he’s a shit head lmao

Everyone’s at camp, Mimi forgets everything. She’s adorable. People set up camp, which is cute. Yamato runs the kitchen and Hikari is chased by Agumon because she has meat. Etemon is the camp ground guardian? (What do you call these guys??) He takes their money (OF COURSE) and keeps going ‘there are MONKEYS around here!’ and everyone’s like k cool story. Eventually he’s like YOU WANNA SEE A MONKEY?!? But everyone’s like nah bro we good, so he runs off dejected.

The kids talk about the future. Mimi just wants to be a kid forever, but Palmon says she wants to be an adult lol. Koushirou isn’t sure what he wants to do, but says he likes computers. Jyou really talks about why he wants to be a doctor and it’s such a good speech! Yamato and Taichi are both like ‘well, I like my hobby I guess??’ Sora deflects the question, Hikari doesn’t know.

Yamato and Taichi try to converse later (it’s just the two of them because Koushirou said something to ruin the mood so Takeru dragged him away even though he was like ‘I’ll stay awake as long as you’re up bro’). It’s mostly Hey Yamato Yeah? …. … . … Yeah?! …Nothing -silence- We have a lot to talk about, huh Yamato? -plays harmonica-

dumb morons lmao

Mimi: Sora, you awake? …SORA Hikari: aye what up Mimi: GHOST STORY TIME Hikari: starts telling an old experience Mimi: NO TOO SPOOKY STOP STOP LET’S TALK ABOUT LOVE!!!!!

She tries to get info out of Hikari who tries to get info out of her back. They both start going ‘what about Sora’ who stays asleep but Mimi is about to ‘reveal’ who Sora likes when she shoots up and is all like I DON’T LIKE ANYONE!!! They’re all lying down in sleeping bags, so Hikari and Mimi were jumping around in their sleeping bags and Mimi does the CUTEST wiggle!!!

They talk about their dreams and Mimi is like ‘I like lotsa stuff??’ but she thinks it’s stupid and is kinda embarrassed but they’re like?? No? it’s cool to have multiple interests and dreams? WHICH IS A VERY IMPORTANT MESSAGE

Jyou leaves early for his exam the next morning. Shit goes down and people split up to solve the problem. Etemon ends up revealing himself to Taichi and co. He’s super strong and is basically like “it’s been six years your time BUT I’VE BEEN SUPER SUPER LONELY FOR 100 YEARS I JUST WANNA CHILL”

There’s a gate so everyone (bar Jyou) is stuck at camp. Etemon forces Tai, Hikari, Sora and Mimi to bbq with him. AND THE ETEMON FIVE. YES YOU READ THAT RIGHT – ETEMON HAS FOUR COLOURED MONKEY BOY BAND FRIENDS. THEY SING AND EAT AND PLAY TOGETHER. THEY’RE THE ETEMON FIVE, COMING TO A TOWN NEAR YOU!!!

Anyway, there’s a fight and Etemon wins and gets the above group together and the bbq happens. Etemon is super happy to see Hikari (“oniichan!” “eh? You’re the only dude… YOUR SISTER?! HOW ADORABLE!!!”) and she’s like ‘stop fighting’ and he’s like ‘girl? That’s all I want???’ but later they eat all the food and Etemon whips out yakisoba and offers some to Hikari.

“No. I don’t want it?” –awkward silence- Etemon 1: Eh? Why? Etemon 2: -idk- Etemon 3: Don’t push her! Etemon 4: Is it… you’re dieting? If that’s it… I totally understand…

Hikari is done with their shit. She wants to go home. Mimi wants a bath. Sora’s done with this bullshit. They realise time has gone whack. Tai and Sora have a tiff, Mimi makes Sora back down when she tries to comfort him so Hikari can do it instead. Time is whack so they’ve been there forever, Etemon is like I SAID I WAS LONELY YOU CAN’T LEAVE EVER!!! He then tries to make Taichi be his bestie.

By forcing him into a kiss.

Curtain close.

(Honestly it was the funniest thing – it was a non-sexual kiss, but y’all, consent is consent. I mean, you probably shouldn’t take dating advice from a man in a monkey suit who low key resembles Piko Taro, but like. This is a weird site, Idk where some of you learnt to romance. I feel I need to say that.)

[funface2]

101 Funny Quotes — Hilarious Quotes to Make You Laugh – Parade

Whether it’s a play on words, a funny observation about everyday things or old witty sayings, comedy has a way of making us realize we’re all going through the same stuff in this crazy life. These funny quotes about work, love, friends and family will have you saying, “So true!” because, well, they are. Others will have you remembering hilarious, meme-worthy movie and TV moments.

Take a much-needed break from your day to check out the 101 funniest quotes we found in stand-up comedy, books, plays, celebrity Twitter and interviews, as well as movies and TV shows, guaranteed to give you a quick chuckle. 

1. “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” —Mitch Hedberg

2. “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room.” —President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers), Dr. Strangelove

3. “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.” —Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls

4. “Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.” —David Letterman

5. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” —Jack Handey

6. Bob: “Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.” Peter: “I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob.” —Bob (Paul Wilson) and Peter (Ron Livingston), Office Space

7. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.” —Mark Twain

8. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell

9. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” —Rita Rudner

10. “Ned, I would love to stand here and talk with you—but I’m not going to.” —Phil Connors (Bill Murray), Groundhog Day

11. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” —Erma Bombeck

12. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller

13. “Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.” —Ellen DeGeneres

14. “Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’” —Anonymous

15. “Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.” —Jerry (Jerry Seinfeld), Seinfeld

16. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” —Michael Scott (Steve Carrell), The Office

17. “I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.” —Anonymous

18. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” —Rodney Dangerfield

19. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.” —Les Dawson

20. “There’s nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can’t prolong.” —Surgeon (Graham Chapman), Monty Python’s Flying Circus

21. “Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’” —Steven Wright

22. Ted Striker: “Surely you can’t be serious.” Dr. Rumack: “I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley” —Ted Striker (Robert Hays) and Dr. Rumack (Leslie Nielsen), Airplane!

23.“There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.” ―Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

24. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.” —Joan Rivers

25. “Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.” —Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear

26. “My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.” —Bobby Boucher (Adam Sandler), The Waterboy

27. “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.” —Jimmy Kimmel

28. “Marriage is like an unfunny, tense version of Everybody Loves Raymond, but it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.” —Pete (Paul Rudd), Knocked Up

29. “Being a mom means never buying the right amount of produce. Either everyone suddenly loves grapes and a week’s worth are eaten in one afternoon, or fruit flies are congregating around my rotting bananas.” —Lessons from the Minivan

30. “I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.” —Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons), The Big Bang Theory

31. “There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: babe, district attorney and Driving Miss Daisy.” —Elise (Goldie Hawn), The First Wives Club

32. Usher: “Bride or groom?” Wedding guest: “It should be perfectly obvious I’m neither!” —Four Weddings and a Funeral

33. Stan Fields: “Describe your perfect date.” Cheryl: “That’s a tough one. I’d have to say April 25. Because it’s not too hot and not too cold. All you need is a light jacket.” —Stan Fields (William Shatner) and Cheryl Frasier (Heather Burns), Miss Congeniality

34. “I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.” —Jerry Seinfeld

35. Lucy: “There’s just two things keeping me from dancing in that show.” Fred: “Your feet?” —Lucy (Lucille Ball) and Fred Mertz (William Frawley), I Love Lucy

36. “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” —Anonymous

37. Coach: “How’s a beer sound, Norm?” Norm: “I don’t know, I usually finish before they get a word in.” —Coach (Nicholas Colasanto) and Norm (George Wendt), Cheers

38. “If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised.” —Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase), National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

39.“There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.” —Dowager Countess Violet Crawley (Maggie Smith), Downton Abbey

40. “If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.” —Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey), Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

41. “The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.” —Clairee Belcher (Olivia Dukakis), Steel Magnolias

42. “I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.” —Anonymous

43. “A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.” —Graham Norton

44. “I’m not good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” —Chandler (Matthew Perry), Friends

45. “Here’s all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.” —George Carlin

46. “When I’m in social situations, I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure and I don’t have to shake hands.” —Larry (Larry David), Curb Your Enthusiasm

47. “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” —Sir Norman Wisdom

48. “That’s why New York is so great, though. Everyone you care about can despise you and you can still find a bagel so good, nothing else matters. Who needs love when you’ve got lox? They both stink, but only one tastes good.” —Midge Maisel (Rachel Brosnahan), The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

49. “Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.” —Adam Gropman

50. “Does it disturb anyone else that ‘The Los Angeles Angels’ baseball team translates directly to ‘The The Angels Angels’?” —Neil DeGrasse Tyson

51. “I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.” —Groucho Marx

52. “Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?” —Jay Leno

53. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” —Steve Martin

54. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” —Dave Barry

55. “Never do anything out of hunger. Not even eating.” —Frank Semyon (Vince Vaughn), True Detective

56. “What do you mean, he don’t eat no meat? That’s okay, that’s okay. I make lamb.” —Aunt Voula (Andrea Martin), My Big Fat Greek Wedding

57. “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” —George Burns

58. “To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!” —Wanda (Jamie Lee Curtis), A Fish Called Wanda

59. “Instead of the mahi mahi, may I just get the one mahi because I’m not that hungry?” —Shelley Darlingson (Anna Faris), The House Bunny

60. “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” —Ellen DeGeneres

61. Francois: “Do you know what kind of a bomb it was?” Clouseau: “The exploding kind.” —Francois (André Maranne) and Inspector Clouseau (Peter Sellers), The Pink Panther Strikes Again

62. “My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.” —Tina Fey, Bossypants

63. “There is one word that describes people that don’t like me: Irrelevant.” —Anonymous

64. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” —Robin Williams

65. “I remember it like it was yesterday. Of course, I don’t really remember yesterday all that well.” —Dory (Ellen DeGeneres), Finding Dory

66. “I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.” —Dr. Peter Venkman (Bill Murray), Ghostbusters

67. Police officer: “Pull over.” Harry: “No, it’s a cardigan. But thanks for noticing.” —Harry Dunne (Jeff Daniels), Dumb and Dumber

68. “I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.” —Bob Hope

69. “If we’re going to pay this much for crab, it better sing and dance and introduce us to the Little Mermaid.” —Claire Foster (Tina Fey), Date Night

70. “I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.” —Anonymous

71. “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.” —Mark Twain

72. “Woke up today. It was terrible.” —Grumpy Cat

73. “Eggs are fantastic for a fitness diet. If you don’t like the taste, just add cocoa, flour, sugar, butter, baking powder and cook at 350 for 30 minutes.” —Anonymous

74. “I can’t end my messages with Love, Shaq because the B-52s ruined that for me.” —Meme attributed to Shaquille O’Neal

75. “My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.” —Halley Reed (Mia Farrow), Crimes and Misdemeanors

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76. “Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence.” —Erma Bombeck

77. “Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.” —Mortimer Brewster (Cary Grant), Arsenic and Old Lace

78. Brian: “Look, you’ve got it all wrong. You don’t need to follow me. You don’t need to follow anybody. You’ve got to think for yourselves. You’re all individuals.” Crowd: “Yes, we’re all individuals!” Individual: “I’m not!” —Brian (Graham Chapman) and cast, Monty Python’s Life of Brian

79. “Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?” —Lillian (Maya Rudolph), Bridesmaids

80. “Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.” —Oscar Wilde

81. “What they could do to make it easier is combine the two, real estate and obituaries: Mr. Klein died today leaving a wife, two children, and a spacious three-bedroom apartment with a wood-burning fireplace.” —Harry (Billy Crystal), When Harry Met Sally

82. “The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It’s a good non-specific symptom; I’m a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock, but you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor’s office. That’s worse than school. You fake a stomach cramp, and when you’re bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It’s a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.” —Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick), Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

83. “I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.” —Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker), Sex and the City

84: Cal: “You are really pushing my buttons today.” Becky: “Which one is ‘mute’?” —Waitress, the Musical

85. “The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.” —Anonymous

86. “People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.” —Betty White

87. “My therapist says I’m afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting-around time.” —Maria Bamford

88. “From the ages of eight to 18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.” —Jarod Kintz

89. “Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.” —Dorothy Parker

90. “The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat. So people who don’t know what they’re doing, or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self.” —Joe Fox (Tom Hanks), You’ve Got Mail

91. “Good parenting means investing in your child’s future, which is why I am saving to buy mine a hoverboard someday.” —Lin-Manuel Miranda

92. “I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.” —Anonymous

93. “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” —Groucho Marx

94. “I’m one stomach flu away from my goal weight.” —Emily Charlton (Emily Blunt), The Devil Wears Prada

95. “My perfect beautiful miracle baby? Never slept. Ever. Never. Twelve years later the memories of those nights, of that sleep deprivation, still make me rock back and forth a little bit. You want to torture someone? Hand them an adorable baby they love who doesn’t sleep.” —Shonda Rimes

96. “I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.” —Damien Fahey

97. “Why yes, I can carry on a conversation made up entirely of movie quotes.” —Anonymous

98. “I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.” —Jack Whitehall

99. “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” —Noel Coward

100. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” —Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

101. “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” —Zach Galifianakis

Want more great quotes? Check out… 50 Thinking of You Quotes  150 Good Morning Quotes  100 Wedding and Marriage Quotes  50 Friday Quotes  50 Monday Motivation Quotes

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Bài viết 101 Funny Quotes — Hilarious Quotes to Make You Laugh – Parade đã xuất hiện đầu tiên vào ngày Funface.

from Funface https://funface.net/funny-quotes/101-funny-quotes-hilarious-quotes-to-make-you-laugh-parade/

[profound-boning]

Huge GTKM Game

I’ve been tagged in several of these over the past several months I know I’m a mess I’m sorry and I’m finally going to answer some of them!

Tagged by @thecuriouscrusader​ @blissfulcastiel​ @glowingdean​ @casbakespie​ @adoringjensen​

no I’m not tagging anyone else in this monstrosity lol

Relationship status: Taken, just celebrated five years!

Lipstick or Chapstick: I wore lipstick every day when I was in college but now that I’m living with Boyfriend it’d be a big ol waste of time and money and also messy

Last Song I Listened To: uhhh the Star Wars: The Force Awakens soundtrack because I watched that yesterday?

Last Movie I Watched: lol see above

Favorite Color: Pink

Top 3 Favorite Shows: Supernatural, SKAM, and Brooklyn Nine-Nine (I really need to get caught up on those last two damn)

If I had a cat what would I name it: Ooooh see that totally depends I’d have to meet them in person first

Height: 5 foot 3 and one half

Hogwarts House: SLYTHERIN HISS HISS MOTHERFUCKERS

Time right now: 17:09

Average hours of sleep: lmao like under 7 right now because I keep staying up late and then waking up early by force of habit??

Favorite number: 47

Last thing I Googled: ”where do psychiatrists work” for a fic

Fictional character you want as your younger sibling: I want this answer to be Charlie Bradbury except I’d want her to be my OLDER sibling... so let’s go with Rey (sw: tfa) or Isak Valtersen (SKAM)

Blankets I sleep with: Sheet and comforter

Favorite band/artists: Oh man lmao uh Taylor Swift, Fall Out Boy, Paramore, Adele, Ed Sheeran, twenty one pilots, the Arctic Monkeys, others?

Dream trip: GREECE I want to cruise around the islands and see all the history and art

What am I wearing right now: A Corgi crop top and my new THINX undies (all y’all menstruating folk I literally cannot recommend these highly enough)

When I made this blog: THIS blog was like September/October of 2015 I think? I’m too lazy to pull up my archive at the moment. But I’ve been on and off of tumblr since 2011.

How many blogs I follow: 330ish I believe? Again too lazy to open a new tab. It’s a mix of spn blogs and multifandom ones as well as a handful of lovely mutuals :)

What do I post about: On this blog, only supernatural, mostly destiel and brothers and my tears

Pick a word that starts with the first letter of your real name and ends with the first letter of your url: sap

Do I get asks on a daily basis: lmfao no

Why did I choose my tumblr url: I looove my url more than anything and tbh it happened because I came across a text post right when I got into spn (2015) about how dean and cas need to start profoundly boning and here we are :’)

My aesthetic: hot tea brewing in the kitchen, you can see the flowers on the balcony from where you’re standing at the counter, slouchy sweater brushing bare thighs, curls falling loose from your top knot. toes in the sand at the edge of the water, wide brimmed hat casting a shadow on your nose, smiling so big your eyes crinkle in the corners, licking ice cream from your fingertips. lipstick tacky on your bottom lip, eyelashes painted dark, skirt clinging to your ass, swaying your hips to the rhythm, the room is dark and smoky, never touching anyone but relishing that their eyes are on you.

Last show you watched: We don’t have cable so I don’t get to watch shows live on tv. Last time I watched any tv show I believe was Kitchen Nightmares on Hulu!

Last book you read: tbfh it’s been a long time, I’ve been reading mostly fanfiction for a while now. I just finished reading a two part series called “all the stars above and below” a finnpoe au by AndreaLyn on ao3 here

Last thing you ate: Applesauce

If you could be anywhere right now, where would it be?: This is strange question because I’m in my very nice bed and I don’t really want to be anywhere else at the moment but like in general Boyfriend and I are planning on moving to England so I’d like to be there? Kind of? Or like... sitting on a beach somewhere? Sitting next to my sister? I’m not really longing to be somewhere else so much as wanting some things to be a little different? But on the whole I’m extremely satisfied with where I’m at right now.

When would you time travel to?: lol fuck any time period before this one (modern medicine and some more rights are v nice) so I’ll say 3017 but that’s assuming tr*mp doesn’t get our entire goddamned planet fucking destroyed and also that people aren’t asshats to each other based on social constructions and institutions like gender and religion and identity and also ethnic backgrounds :’)

First thing you would do with lottery money: Pay for car repairs and for some of my sister’s university

Character you would hang out with for a day: Castiel or Poe Dameron

Pets: None because we move too much!

First Fandom I joined: Oh boy this is a good question. I was just talking to Boyfriend the other day about how Han/Leia was my first OTP before I really knew what that meant? Like watching the movies as a kid I felt in my heart like “yes they’re so good together please be happy together forever” I wasn’t on the Internet at all until 2008, and not on tumblr until 2011, and not on stan twitter until earlier this year lmao. When I started the tumblr, it was mostly disney and then avengers when it came out? This blog is my first like dedicated I’M IN A FANDOM venture.

Favorite book: I hate this question because I know someone out there will hate me for it *squints* but the honest truth is “The Outsiders” by S.E. Hinton it’s been my favorite since seventh fucking grade so fight me about it!!!1!

Worst thing you’ve ever eaten/tasted: Oh no this is horrible because I’m a fucking picky ass eater lmao uhhh I hate rice?? bad texture.

What class do you wish you paid more attention to in school? This is not the answer you’re looking for but I had some severe problems in my life when I was in high school so really I wish I had been able to pay more attention to everything in school. I would literally time travel back and redo it all if I could. I would have taken my government classes more seriously, gotten more into my history classes, and would have signed up for AP Art History because I fucking wanted to but I didn’t. If those problems hadn’t been there or hadn’t affected me so badly I would have gotten better grades and could have chosen something different for college. In college, I might have looked for something more like anthropology and focused more on language in a cultural and socio-historical context and not just language and teaching language. Similarly without those problems I would have been able to pay better attention in college and have gotten better grades, done more academic research, etc.

Just hypothetically, if you could get rid of one entire species and not have it screw up the ecosystem at all, what would it be? Humans :’) we’re the worst.

First foray into fanfic? How To Train Your Dragon on that fanfiction net website. I remember seeing the second film and feeling so, like, when are those two going to kiss and get married and live happily ever after? I needed that closure. Then I discovered AUs and ~lemons~ and then I was reading Frozen fic for a while(??) and finally Supernatural. Apple Pie Life by @heyacas​ was the first fic I read on ao3 after it was recced to me and I never looked back.

You can have unlimited anything from a magic cookie jar (item must fit in a standard sized cookie jar) with the caveat that you cannot monetarily profit from it. Like unlimited cash or things you would sell for cash. What’s in the jar? Firstly what the fuck is a standard sized cookie jar. Secondly this wording prompts me to say... cookies

What do you think about Bill Nye the Science Guy? President Nye 2020

That one book you will never read enough times? Other than the one I mentioned above I’ve read Princess Academy by Shannon Hale a million times and I love it so, so much

What’s something super popular that you just. don’t. get? This is the first thing that comes to mind because frankly there are several things that could go here but I’m answering Videos Of People Getting Hurt. Seriously. Why do I want to watch someone fall off of something or worse get pushed/tricked/otherwise manipulated into doing something I can see (or worse, hear) is painful for them? I can’t stand it.

What’s your super power? Not like telepathy (unless you really have telepathy…), but like. what’s the one thing that you’re known for? Uh... nothing probably? I’m not memorable

What’s that story you tell at parties or whatnot to impress people? I am literally the worst at parties? and impressing people? One story I like to tell is how Boyfriend and I met!

What’s the furthest you’ve ever been from home? Home is an extremely fluid concept. Right now I am about 825 miles from the house that I lived in for about 17 years, Boyfriend is at his work around 16 miles away, 5000 miles from Spain... I could go on.

Hobbies: Writing and reading fanfiction

Favorite place: Favorite beach: Lagos, Portugal. Favorite city: Barcelona, Spain. Favorite museum: the Louvre. Favorite church: Saint Mary of the Angels in Winona, Minnesota. Favorite restaurant: This brunch place we found while wandering in Paris, France. Alternate answers: Boyfriend’s snuggles.

Movie you are most excited about for next year: I haven’t seen Spiderman: Homecoming yet but I’m excited to do so! Also STAR WARS THE LAST JEDI

Beanies or Scarves? Scarves

Last person you texted? Boyfriend

Favorite food? Pasta

Favorite season and why? Summer! Because winter is the FUCKING WORST!

Left Twix or Right? Did you mean: belongs in the trash?

Who would win in a fight: Captain America OR Captain Kirk? Okay like Captain America because? superserum? But James T. Kirk is my precious babe I don’t want them to fight :3

Avengers or X-Men? Avengers

Dream Concert: Go back to my Favorite Artists answer and put all of them together in one show :’)

What fictional world/universe would you want to spend a week in: Either Harry Potter’s or Rick Riordan’s (but only if I’m friends with The Squad)

Last video game played: Okay on the real it’s probably Dance Dance Revolution from, like, 2006

[itsmomorin]

Heartache

Heartache

- Mina Focus

Word Count: 1553

With your left arm dangling on the back of the seat beside you, and your two feet stretched out in front of you, you sighed in comfort. Taking a quick glance around you, no one was sitting around you. It was only you and TWICE in the entire arena. “Cheer Up” was blasting through the air and with a full view of TWICE rehearsing in their street clothes in front of you, you didn’t dare blink your eyes for a single instant. After all, there was no greater treat for an avid fan such as yourself. The group was rehearsing for an upcoming concert that they were going to hold over the weekend. So how did you out of all people get to watch them up close? Did you win a special lottery? Did you happen to sneak past security and get the entire arena to yourself? No. You had a relationship with one of the members. A very special relationship with Mina. She brought you in and let you watch them rehearse since you had nothing to do for the rest of the day anyways.

As TWICE danced and sang to their hit song, you couldn’t peel your eyes off of Mina. She was just too beautiful. Her hair flowed through the wind, and her hands seemed to grab ahold of the very air that surrounded her. As she began to sing, you could feel yourself being pulled away from your chair. Surprisingly, there was something even louder the angelic voice of Mina. You noticed a group of fans just over the fence, cheering and yelling for TWICE. Some of the fans held up posters and banners that read, “Mina, we love you!”, “Mina, you’re the best!”, and “Go, Myoui Mina, Go!”. You smiled at them and then looked back to Mina. She saw you staring at her, and stared right back into your eyes. Soon, the entire afternoon passed by, and dusk had started to set in. Mina and her group members were finally able to pack up and get ready to head back.

“Hey, I’m so happy you decided to come see me practice. There wasn’t much to do around here yet you spent the entire afternoon watching us, I hope you didn’t get bored.” Mina exclaimed as she just finished talking to her manager.  “Of course I came. I wouldn’t miss this for the world. There was so much to do, what are you talking about? I did watch you guys, but I kind of just tunneled visioned on you.” You admitted lovingly. “That’s okay. I don’t mind.” Mina said, smiling. “Anyways, where do you wanna get dinner tonight?” You asked. “Oh, I was just going to tell you that I’m going to head out with the group for dinner tonight. The manager wants to give us a small treat for working so hard recently.”  “Oh yea, go for it.” “Do you want me to ask if I can bring you along?” “Nah, I’m okay. You should go celebrate with your friends, I’ll see you later at home right?” “Yes. Okay, I’m off then!” Mina said, giving you a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving.

You waved her and her group members goodbye and decided to head home since night was approaching quickly. Winter always made the nights colder and longer. I should head home and finish the leftovers from yesterday. Then tomorrow, I can make Mina a fresh breakfast. She’ll need good food for her practices. You were walking down the street by yourself when all of a sudden, a fan from earlier jumped out from an alley.  They were still holding on the sign that they were waving earlier. He stared you down and you stopped to address him.

“Hey… can I help you?” You asked respectfully. “Yea. Is your name (Y/N)?” The fan asked with a rude demeanor. “Yes, that’s me.”

Now there were some fans approaching you from behind as well.

“So is it true?” One of the fans from the back yelled. “Yea, is it?” Another added. “Tell the truth!” A third concluded. “Uhm, I’m not sure I understand the situation… what are you referring to exactly?” You questioned slowly, realizing that this was becoming a dire situation. “Are. You. Dating. Mina.” The lone fan from the front said in slow, choppy, fragments.

Oh boy. I can’t possibly tell them the truth, they’ll kill me if I told them in this situation. Were they following me the entire time?

“I am not dating Mina.” You stated. “How’d you get into the arena then, huh? They don’t just let anyone watch them rehearse, in fact, there’s no way for anyone to watch them unless they have a personal relationship to the group.” “I… have a connection to… the manager. Yea. I asked him if I could watch just this once.”

The fans looked at each other and started to murmur.

“He’s lying! Look at this! There’s photographs of this guy and Mina appearing at the same café! They’re even sharing drinks!” One of the fans from the back bellowed as he started to show others the pictures from his phone. “Oh, he’s right. He looks exactly like this guy!” Another claimed.

Of course. Welp, there’s no better time to start running than right now. You bolted past the lone fan in front of you and sure enough, they came chasing right after. Just have to get home. Then they won’t be able to pursue me. Wait, I can’t just go directly home, they’ll find out that Mina lives there. Shoot, I’ll have to toy with them a bit. You started to take a left here and a right there, desperately trying to confuse your pursuers. Unfortunately, you ran into a dead end where the crazed fans finally caught up to you.

“There you are!” “So you are dating Mina!” “Mina’s ours, you can’t just take her!” “Let me at this guy!”

Bracing yourself as well as you can, they jumped onto you. With a fist on the right side, and a foot on the left, you got absolutely pummeled by them. After a few residents started to come outside to see what was going on, the extreme fans finally let you go and ran off. By then however, you were bleeding somewhere on your face, and you could feel the bruises on your body. Lying a few feet away was your phone. It lit up and displayed “Mina <3”. You had to pick it up, and so, you crawled over even though your entire body was screaming in pain. But before you could reach your phone, you collapsed, your entire body exhausted and dead from the beating.

Opening your eyes slowly, you adjusted to the bright lights that seemed to try to blind you. You were in the hospital, and Mina was crying beside you. As you moved your head to face her, she grabbed your hand tightly with tears streaming down her face.

“What happened? You didn’t come home, and it was only after a few neighbours told me that you were lying in a dead end that I found you with all of these injuries...” Mina asked through her tears. “I…” “Tell me… please.” “I got beat up by some fans. They beat me because they caught on to the fact that we’re dating. So I guess they couldn’t exactly handle the truth.” “How could they? I can’t believe…” “No, no, don’t blame them. This isn’t the first time that someone’s threatened me or assaulted me…” “What. You never mentioned anything to me. Why didn’t you tell me?” Mina asked, with a concerned look on her face. “I didn’t want you to worry about me, you’re way too busy to be thinking about all this stuff. Plus, they only did this because they love you so much. Please don’t say anything hurtful to them.” “But this is too far. I have to make this right. In fact, I’ll phone the manager right now and…” “Mina… don’t. It’s fine, really. I’ll be more careful next time.” “There won’t be a next time. I’ll be with you wherever and whenever from now on.” “That’ll only cause you more trouble and that might even upset some of your fans.” “I don’t care. They can’t just do this to the person I love!” “You do care, you love your fans too. I know it.” “But it’s different with you…” “I know, I know.” You said, squeezing her hand. “Sigh, fine. But from now on, you have to tell me everything, okay? I don’t want to be left in the dark again.” Mina stated in a serious tone. “Okay, okay, everything, everything. Now stop crying, that’s not how my Mina is usually.” You agreed as you started to wipe her tears with your hand. “Mmm.” Mina rested her head in your hand.

You shifted your weight and sat upright, bringing Mina close to kiss her on her head.

“By the way, when you said everything earlier, did you mean literally everything?” You asked quietly.

Mina raised her head and gave you a look.

“Yes…” She answered. “Okay… I guess I can tell you what I got you for your birthday…”

Mina’s expression brightened up and a smile finally appeared on her face.

“What is it?” “It’s…”

Seventh! Two more incoming~ I just wanted to wish Mina a belated happy birthday! I love her and she's absolutely stunning. Stay tuned for a Momo Focus tomorrow!

- itsmomorin

[larchwood]

Give me single dad Zane.

I’ve never cottoned to the idea that having a baby was the next logical step for Ty & Zane after they got married.  Zane was 46 when they got married.  I’m 45.  Let me tell you - I’m not having a baby at this time of my life.  (Unless I win the lottery and can hire people to do everything else for me).

But what if Zane had a kid with Becky?

After getting married in July 1993, Zane is a high powered attorney in Austin, while Becky volunteers throughout the community as part of the Women’s League and various other philanthropic organizations.  Together they’re a young up-and-coming couple who were often seen on the society pages, hobnobbing with the elites of Texas power.  (Beverly couldn’t be more proud).

Eventually they decide the time is right to have a kid.  They’re both excited and thrilled.  Zane might be a little apprehensive about handling a tiny baby (it’s been a long time since his sister was a baby) but he knows Becky will be an awesome mom and she’ll probably do the majority of the parenting while he continues up the corporate legal ladder.  (Beverly of course is also ready to swoop in at a moment’s notice to “help out” as needed, gloating at the idea of the next generation of Garretts arriving.)

Patrick Garrett is born in February 2003.  He is a beautiful and perfect as they all could have hoped for.  Zane doesn’t think his heart can get any bigger.  And after a few minor freak outs and some coaching, he’s lugging the baby around like a pro after awhile.  He cuts back his 70 hour a week work schedule to something slightly more manageable, but Becky and their nanny have everything under control.

Becky Garrett dies in a car crash in November 2003.  

Zane’s grief and depression are overwhelming.  Becky had been his world for more than two decades.  He holds it together until after the funeral, but then he crumbles.  Yes, like canon Zane he drinks to numb the pain.  Probably would sleep all day if he could, not eating, alternating between ignoring baby Patrick to clutching him tightly like he’ll never let him go.  The nanny does her best to keep things as normal as possible for the baby, but eventually she calls in the big guns to take over - Beverly Carter-Garrett.

She arrives and nags, scolds, threatens until Zane agrees to move back to the ranch.  It’ll be better to be surrounded by family, she says.  You can rest and heal.  Your law firm will understand a bereavement leave of absence.  We can help you take care of Patrick better.  The baby should grow up on the ranch and learn his legacy, yadda yadda yadda.  

Zane gives in.  He’s just so fucking tired.  And what’s the point of arguing?  Beverly’s probably right - she can do a better job of handling Patrick than he can.  (Never mind that there is already a housemaid assigned for nanny duty).  Becky had handled everything.  Zane only has a vague idea of who Patrick’s pediatrician even is.  He has no clue when he’s due for his next round of vaccinations, for cryin’ out loud.  

It takes a little while, but eventually Zane works through some of his depression.  It doesn’t go away for the longest time, but having a baby means you don’t stop, you have to keep moving forward - whether you want to or not.  And Patrick is moving and crawling and about to walk and babbling and holding his arms up to be carried and how can Zane deny him that?

The temporary leave of absence continues for a year.  His law firm tries to get him back in the office, but other than a few consult/strategy sessions with the partners, he really doesn’t want to go back to that life.

He’s coming to the realization that he doesn’t really want ranch life, either.  Not that he doesn’t love it, or appreciate the help that his family has been, but it’s time to break free of the memories of life with Becky.  And - let’s be honest - the clashes with Beverly are starting to become more frequent.  Yes, she was a help when he needed it, but Patrick is his child, not hers.  She doesn’t get to make the parenting decisions for the boy and it’s time they made a change.

They end up in Baltimore.  (surprise, surprise).  Maybe Zane had visited once for a legal conference and loved it.  Maybe his law firm had some sort of corporate retreat there every year.  But Zane picks it for other reasons - being on the east coast like that puts them closer to historical and cultural resources that Zane thinks will be a benefit to Patrick’s education.  He’s looking forward to exploring the Smithsonian with him, and Broadway, and the Statue of Liberty and every other thing they can possibly do.  

Zane knows that he doesn’t want to be a lawyer any more, other than maybe a little pro bono work here and there, but he’s not in a hurry to pass the Maryland bar.  He just can’t go back to 12 hour days and miss out on life with his son.  

So, he buys a bookstore in Fells Point from a couple who are ready to retire.  One with living space above the store.  (Let’s face it - starting a business from scratch with a 3 year old underfoot probably is probably more work than he’s looking for).  It’s a comfortable modest business.  The decor is cushy reading nook meets college library stacks, but with plenty of spaces for Patrick to color and read his books in the kids area or play with blocks and cars and space ships.  They even get a couple of store cats who follow Patrick everywhere.  The cutest thing is when Patrick settles down for a nap in the back room and the kittens snuggle with him.

Zane’s feeling blessed that his handful of employees (probably all part-timers - a couple of college kids from Johns Hopkins and maybe a couple of retired ladies who enjoy working a couple of days a week) are okay with him bringing Patrick to work every day.  In fact, the retired ladies are always ready to be surrogate grandmas while they’re there, admiring Patrick’s drawings and listening to his stories and trying to sneak him a treat every once in awhile when Zane’s not looking.  And so far no complaints from the customers either about him being a disruption.

Zane treasurers these few years with Patrick underfoot.  School will start soon enough with all that changes that entails.  Zane can still see Becky in Patrick - the shape of his nose, the lighter brown of his hair.  Patrick doesn’t remember her, but Zane makes a point of showing him pictures of her and pointing out their similarities.

“Zane would feel the weight of responsibility quite heavily, which could make him a rather strict, dull father on the surface, adhering to the rules, rarely letting the child break them because he knows those rules are there for the child’s benefit. But he would also be the father who, at the end of the day, is the one a child will go to for advice and comfort because kids know where it’s at, and Zane’s love for his child would shine through in every action, even when he is scolding. Zane would be the father whose hugs and words meant more to a child, because rather than coming at random for no reason, they always have a reason behind them.” **

A couple of years later, Patrick would be in 2nd grade (7 years old).  It’s his last year to attend the Sea Life Safari at the Baltimore Aquarium.  He’s gone for the past 2 years and it usually falls around his birthday, so they build a little birthday party into it.  Zane is going along as a parent chaperone to help out.  

Cue bomb scare at the Aquarium in Divide & Conquer.  Ty still comes running in to help out.  Maybe he helps hustle out Zane and Patrick’s group before heading back in.  Zane’s outside with the kids, trying to keep the kids calm and out of the way of other law enforcement, but he might have taken an interest in the FBI agent as he gives his impromptu interview, but he never learns his name.  It takes Zane forever to get Patrick to sleep that night after all the excitement.  He is just as excited the next day to see the interview, because not only can you see the FBI agent “He’s so cool, dad!” you can also see Zane and Patrick for about 2 seconds in the background.  “We’re on TV, dad!  We’re famous!!!!  I can’t wait to tell the kids in my class!”

One of the must dos of being a small business owner is to network - so Zane regularly attends the monthly Chamber of Commerce meetings and the city’s community outreach events.  Especially in light of the unrest that’s been happening in the city lately.  The back of his shop got tagged a few weeks ago, and he’s got a vested interest in keeping Fells Point a safe and welcoming area.  So he’s eager to hear what law enforcement is doing to address these issues.  

So imagine his surprise with the guest speaker at this month’s CoC breakfast meeting is none other than the FBI agent from the Aquarium - one Special Agent B. Tyler Grady according to the agenda.  He’s witty and engaging, seeming to be in perpetual motion as he gives his talk.  The information is interesting enough, but Zane does appreciate being able to get a better look at the guy in daylight, in a suit, and not under a state of personal panic like the first time.

Afterwards, Ty stays to do few mandatory ‘grip and grins’ before he can escape.  Zane doesn’t intentionally wander over, but as he’s doing his own chatting with people, they end up in the same general area.  Zane thinks he notices Ty getting a cornered look like he’s desperate to escape - his gaze is wandering like he’s trying to gauge the number of people he’s got to shoulder past to get to the exit.  

Ty looks past Zane, but then zeros back on him, eyes widening with recognition.  Zane can’t imagine that he would remember him from a brief encounter weeks ago that happened under duress, but he knows that with his height, people do tend to remember him.

Ty comes up and introduces himself with a handshake.  “Hi.  Special Agent Ty Grady.  And you are?”  Zane smiles.  “Zane Garrett, Special Agent.  It’s nice to officially meet you.”

At this point, my creative juices have given out.  Maybe Zane goes home and tells Patrick that he got to meet the cool FBI agent again, and he invited them both to watch the FBI team play softball.  Instead of Shannon and Elaina in the dugout when the bomb goes off, it’s Zane and Patrick.  

Maybe Ty and Zane start meeting for lunch occasionally.  Not calling it dating just yet.  They both know single parent dating is challenging.  Every so often they do things with Patrick, who still thinks Mr. Ty is the coolest thing ever.  They’ll go to Orioles games or a day trip into DC.

It gets a little dicy once Patrick realizes that he’s gotta share Zane.  But eventually they all get through it.  Because 

“Ty would be the fun father, the one you know will teach you the things that will make you the cool kid in school, the one who will help you pick up and brush you off when you fall down and then say ‘walk it off, kiddo, you’ll get better’ because that’s who Ty is and that’s who he makes everyone around him. Walk it off, kid.” **

Patrick gets to be Zane’s best man at the wedding.

** Parental analysis courtesy of Liam Bell.

timeline

[yahoo-puck-daddy-blog]

Puck Daddy Bag of Mail: Where will Tavares, Karlsson play in 2018?

Ottawa Senators defenseman Erik Karlsson (65) tries to take the puck away from New York Islanders center John Tavares (91)in the second period of an NHL hockey game at Nassau Coliseum on Tuesday, Dec. 2, 2014, in Uniondale, N.Y. (AP Photo/Kathy Kmonicek)

Hope dies in late March.

At this time of year it seems like each new day brings with it a team being mathematically eliminated from the playoffs, and a lot of other teams are just kinda playing out the string. There’s not a lot of excitement at this point in the season for the vast majority of teams.

So we instead turn to insipid, never-ending arguments about value, and pin too many hopes on college and junior free-agent signees. The two or three weeks before the playoffs is arguably worse than the absolute dog days of post-All Star hockey. This is just a slog until the fun begins again in mid-April.

Let’s talk it out:

Josh asks: “Who will John Tavares and Erik Karlsson be playing for next season?”

The interesting thing is that the cap could rise by more than $5 million next season. If that happens, a lot of teams will have a lot of money to throw around on a player like this. Suddenly, it becomes very feasible for, say, San Jose or Tampa to get these guys in under the cap without a major salary dump or swap.

Of course, Karlsson still has to be traded since he’s not a UFA until summer 2019, and there will probably be plenty of bidders given that he’s on such a cheap-o contract. Colorado, Vegas, and Tampa were reportedly heavily involved in trying to acquire him at the deadline, and they might even be willing to take on that Bobby Ryan deal, so let’s say those are the prohibitive favorites for Karlsson’s services.

I’m just gonna throw this out there for Tavares: You know who has at least $14 million to spend next season, no one of any real consequence to re-sign (maybe you say Ryan Hartman and that’s fine with me!), and a penchant for getting great players on sweetheart contracts? Nashville! Just something to think about.

Isabel asks: “My team is solidly in a playoff spot and has been for a while, but I’m struggling to believe in their ability to perform in the playoffs — both this year and in general (the Wild, it’s the Wild). How do I get excited for playoff hockey again?”

Yeah, this is honestly a problem of the NHL trying to make every fan think their team is good. There are very few good teams, and even with the fact that most games between middling and elite NHL teams are almost coin flips, over a seven-game series, The best team wins it far more often than not.

The real problem for the Wild is that, because of the divisional playoff format, they’re going to have to play both Winnipeg and Nashville if they want to get into a Conference Final, perhaps against the extremely hot Sharks. Not a great group of teams to run into.

For the Wild or, hell, any team in the West, getting past one of Winnipeg or Nashville is going to be an incredible feat. San Jose can probably be added to that mix now.

But the problem with this question is a bigger issue for the NHL: Hockey fans often aren’t hockey fans, so much as they are fans of hockey teams. This is why ratings tend to go down throughout the playoffs, because as teams lose, people just stop watching. Few have the brain disease I have that will compel them to watch regardless of outcomes.

You get excited for playoff hockey because playoff hockey is the absolute best kind of hockey. Have you ever see that Jon Bois tweet? C’mon!!!

why watch overtime playoff hockey when you can simply snort cocaine and ride a motorcycle out of a helicopter

— Jon Bois (@jon_bois) April 17, 2014

Zach asks via email: “Which bottom-six team will rebound the fastest?”

For reference, the six teams ranking 26th to 31st are Montreal, Detroit, Vancouver, Ottawa, Arizona, and Buffalo.

Of that group, I don’t see a lot of quick turnarounds. Detroit, Vancouver, and Arizona seem as though they’re in tough to make anything happen any time soon. The other teams are interesting, though.

Montreal’s year was a disaster for a lot of reasons and they could turn it around next year just in terms of not being total crap. It depends what you mean by “rebound,” I guess, but I can see this team being in the playoffs next year. Doesn’t mean they’ll be good, but you don’t gotta be good to make the playoffs if you have elite goaltending, and Carey Price is at least capable of that, historically. But more on them in a minute.

With Ottawa, it depends what happens this summer. If they can somehow convince Erik Karlsson to stick around (big if, and more on THAT in a minute, too) they might not be too far away from being competitive, provided they can actually get goaltending.

Buffalo is interesting, too, because they need defensemen and maybe not much else. If they can add like two guys who can reliably carry the puck out of their own zone, I think this team can be fine.

All of this, by the way, comes with the caveat that we’re assuming any of these teams doesn’t get Dahlin by winning the draft lottery. If that happens, their futures get very different, very quickly. That might be especially true for Buffalo, to be honest.

The 41-year-old Chara will make $5 million next season.

Mike asks: “How do you like the Zdeno Chara extension?”

I think it’s fine. The term is perfect at one season, since he’s a million years old. The money ($5 million) might be a little higher than you’d like, but it’s not a significant raise from his current $4 million, and the Bruins don’t really have any pressing expenses coming up this summer.

Hell, the Bruins are in such a good place financially right now that they can do a lot more than give Chara $5 million, carry a buried contract and two buyouts, and go get a backup goalie. In theory, they can probably add a $7-million player comfortably. I don’t think they necessarily would because of whose contracts are expiring in the next few years, but they could. And that’s scary as hell.

Megan asks: “If the Oilers weren’t a raging dumpster fire, would there be any actual debate about the Hart trophy?”

No, of course not. McDavid is the best player in the world and people want to hold it against him that Peter Chiarelli hates high-end talent. I understand where they’re coming from even if I don’t really agree.

But if the Oilers were even remotely playoff-competitive I don’t think we’d be having all these screaming matches about it. We certainly wouldn’t have people universal-braining their way into saying 10 guys league-wide are better MVP candidates than McDavid.

Aniket asks: “You are the Habs GM this summer. What are your moves? Try once again throwing the kitchen sink at Tavares-plus or tear it down?”

My understanding is that the Tavares-to-Montreal thing comes because Bergevin has some kind of pre-existing relationship with the player, his agent, or both. Anyway, supposing I could have that same kind of pull with Tavares and his camp (and who’s to say I wouldn’t????), my approach would of course be “burn it to the ground.”

If anyone wants to take that Carey Price contract off my hands, hell, I’ll pay for half of it. You want to give me picks and prospects, plural, for anyone on the roster, you can have ’em.

Of course, I wonder how open management would be to such an approach (my guess: not at all) but if I had carte blanche, I would honestly do a tear-down rebuild with like 40 percent of the teams in the league. I’m not the guy to ask this question.

Noah asks: “What’s your objection to defensemen diving to block shots with their body?”

I don’t know that it’s an objection so much as I just think if we’re trying to increase goalscoring, that’s a good way to do it.

You hear all the time that guys block too many shots or whatever (I don’t know if I agree with whatever that assessment of “too many” is, but that’s beside the point), and if we’re going to say it’s a problem then a great way to curtail the practice is by making it illegal to leave your feet to block shots. More shots get through to the goalie, maybe more get tipped in by his own team, whatever.

Plus, y’know, the fewer guys who put their faces at ice level, the less likely they are to be concussed or lose teeth trying to block a shot. Just something to think about.

Chad asks: “What are your thoughts about the Motzko hire at Minnesota?”

First of all, thanks for asking a college hockey question.

Second, obviously Bob Motzko is a great coach. Everyone thinks so; the heights to which he took St. Cloud over the past several years, number of high-end pros his program produced, etc., are all testament to that.

He’s almost certainly one of the top potential candidates that would have been available, so locking him in quickly after St. Cloud got bounced from the NCAAs is a good move for the Gophers. That said, everyone always complained about Don Lucia not winning in the tournament, and specifically not winning a title since the early 2000s. Motzko hasn’t exactly posted a great track record in that regard. One Frozen Four in 13 years, and they got smoked by Quinnipiac. St. Cloud also only has one postseason conference title in that time, despite eight NCAA tournament appearances and three regular-season title.

Maybe you say he gets an extra mile with Minnesota’s recruiting power, budget, etc., but that lack of postseason success is the only real concern I’d have for an otherwise amazing college coach taking over the biggest-name job in the country. No reason to expect he won’t do great there, but will “great” be enough for the freaks who spent a decade trying to run Lucia out of town?

Ryan Lambert is a Puck Daddy columnist. His email is here and his Twitter is here.

All stats via Corsica unless noted otherwise.

More NHL coverage on Yahoo Sports:

[consulting-celiac-in-the-tardis]

9 (Hilariously Accurate) Reasons to Date Someone with Fibromyalgia

New blog post! Whether you're a die-hard romantic or not, it's impossible to ignore the fact that Valentine's Day 2018 is almost here...and that means love is in the air. (Or, at the very least, plastered on every bag of chocolates, desserts or flowers in grocery stores nationwide). To get in the lovey-dovey spirit, I thought I'd talk about a lighter side of living with fibromyalgia: nine hilariously accurate reasons why fibromyalgia warriors are A+ dating material. Sure, this post is written with humor and the traits I list below probably do not all apply to every single person living with fibromyalgia. However, I find that being able to laugh at some of the fibromyalgia symptoms that make my life extra "unique" can make the flare ups and the bad days a lot easier to handle.

So whether you have fibromyalgia, you know someone who does or you're already dating a fibromyalgia warrior, here are nine (funny but true) ways dating someone with fibromyalgia makes life (and romance) even sweeter...

1. Have a brain fart or just have a forgetful nature? We can 100% relate.

I'll be the first to admit that memory isn't my strong suit even when my brain is working perfectly. However, one common symptom of fibromyalgia is brain fog...and during fibromyalgia flare ups, my brain can be so sluggish, I'd fit in perfectly as a zombie extra on The Walking Dead. So, if you're always forgetting where you put your keys last or what day is trash pick up, just know that I might tease you a little, but I'll mostly let it slide. And if your significant other is as familiar with fibromyalgia brain fog as I am, they'll probably have a similar reaction. (Not to mention, appreciate you for what you can remember and help us remember too!).

2. We always have an extra jacket/coat/sweater/scarf nearby in case it's cold.

Even though I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia at age 11, I didn't realize how closely related cold sensitivity and fibromyalgia was until a few years ago. Some research actually reports that people with fibromyalgia have lower pain thresholds to hot and cold temperatures...which means, when it's cold, we start to hurt. Fast. So, it really shouldn't be surprising that people with fibromyalgia like me are rarely found with an extra jacket (or two...or three) on hand. If you're the kind of person who's always forgetting to bring that extra layer, maybe Cupid just needs to angle you in our direction? (And not only will we offer you a jacket if you're nice...according to point number one, we also may spare you from excessive scolding for forgetting it in the first place!)

3. Massages will be received with the same thanks and praise as flowers or winning lottery tickets.

When I was growing up, I always joked with my mom that I wanted to marry a cook or a masseuse. Considering that I now know how to whip up plenty of my own delicious gluten free and vegan meals, dating someone with a talent for massages has probably earned an even higher spot on my (somewhat serious) relationship goals. After all, sometimes fibromyalgia flare ups can trigger knots or muscle tightness that no amount of stretching or yoga on our can fix. And while a winning lotto ticket would pay for a lot of physical therapy appointments and flowers are always nice, we'll always be extra thankful for anyone who can help reduce our pain while in the comfort of our own home.

4. We know all the best TV shows to binge watch.

One of the best parts of dating someone with fibromyalgia is the fact that we know exactly which shows are the best to binge watch on Netflix (or any other subscription service). Although not every fibromyalgia warrior may be a TV lover, there is something comforting about cozying up with a good show on Netflix during a bad flare-up. So if you love watching TV but never know which shows are worth your time, knowing someone living with a chronic illness who often relies on TV for distraction could be your "in" to discovering your new favorite shows. (Which, for foodies or documentary lovers, could include some of the food-related Netflix documentaries I list here).

Like this post? Tweet me some love by clicking here: "I'm celebrating #ValentinesDay with some extra love & positivity. Click the link to learn 9 (hilariously accurate) reasons why people with #fibromyalgia are A+ #dating material --> http://bit.ly/2EhEAXZ #chronicillness #fibrowarrior #invisibleillness"

5. When we're having a "good" day, there's no stopping our adventurous side!

Dating someone with fibromyalgia, like dating anyone, involves more than cuddling on the couch and watching Netflix. (Though if that's what forms the basis of your relationship, who am I to judge?) When we do have our fibromyalgia symptoms under control - whether through a new supplement we're trying or just a good day - adventure awaits! Of course, the "adventures" vary depending on the person. For instance, my kind of adventurous date is a long walk along the ocean or hammocking under the stars. Meanwhile, my college roommate (who also has fibromyalgia) has done everything from scuba-diving to breathing fire...and there's no telling what hijinks she'll get up to next. In fact, one could argue that dating someone with fibromyalgia often means dating someone who knows to really appreciate every adventure they go on because adventures aren't a guaranteed option. So even if fibromyalgia may limit our activities sometimes, don't automatically count us out of making some epic memories!

6. We'll rarely turn down a nap or an early bedtime.

In between those adventures, though, there will probably be (a lot of) sleep. Statistics state that as many as 4 in 5 people with fibromyalgia experience severe fatigue, so what may seem like "optional" nap times or late mornings for you are often required energy boosters for us. Ironically, insomnia is another common symptom of fibromyalgia, so some people take sleeping pills, like I do. In my case, those pills mean that I'm rarely hittin' the town after 9 at night, and I don't drive after 7 PM unless there's a special event and I wait to take my pills later. So, if you've previously been teased for your "grandma"-ish early bedtime or you just love quiet nights in, a fibromyalgia warrior might be your sleeping soul mate. Add in our Netflix expertise, and there are plenty of relaxing movie nights in your romantic future.

7. We totally get the magical appeal of comfy clothes and sweats. 

Sure, we'll dress up from time to time (or even every weekday, if that helps us consistently slay our work), but we also agree that sweats are one of the best inventions known to mankind. When you're hurting or tired or extra cold (or all of the above), nothing feels better than slipping on your favorite and comfiest clothes. At least in my case, this means that I don't expect my significant others to always dress up for dates. (Especially if it's a freezing cold night in Minnesota!) Who knows? Maybe dating someone with fibromyalgia increases your odds of finding a significant other who agrees that sweatpants and romance aren't mutually exclusive.

8. Our beds are the kings (or queens) of comfort.

Based on the sleeping habits I've observed in myself, my mother and friends with fibromyalgia, people with fibromyalgia are the modern version of Princess and the Pea: if there is something wrong, hard or uncomfortable about a mattress or pillow, we will find it. And, more importantly, it will keep us from falling and staying asleep. Typically, that means our beds are cozied up to perfection, whether through additional padding, extra fluffy blankets, and/or a perfect pillow that offers support without screwing up your neck. Just don't say I didn't warn you: our beds can be so comfortable, you'll fall asleep during your Netflix date...and depending on how nice we're feeling, we may or may not pause the episode.

Like this post? Tweet me some love by clicking here: "I'm celebrating #ValentinesDay with some extra love & positivity. Click the link to learn 9 (hilariously accurate) reasons why people with #fibromyalgia are A+ #dating material --> http://bit.ly/2EhEAXZ #chronicillness #fibrowarrior #invisibleillness"

9. If you accommodate our fibromyalgia quirks, you'll always be appreciated.

The truth is, fibromyalgia affects many parts of my everyday life. It impacts which foods I decide to eat, which forms of exercise I do or even when I'm available to hang out (nothing sets a strict "curfew" like sleeping meds!). So, when I find people who recognize and accept my fibromyalgia quirks, I'm extra appreciative. Not only because others' support makes living with fibromyalgia easier, but also because my chronic illness is part of who I am...and accepting my chronic illness means that person is accepting and loving all of me. I imagine that most people with fibromyalgia would say the same thing. Valentine's Day can trigger a variety of feelings. For some, it's the perfect day to celebrate a loving relationship. For others, it's just another way to say "Single Awareness Day." This year, though, I want to send my love to more than just one person or my own group of family and friends. I want to send it to every other person kicking life's booty while living with fibromyalgia. Equally important, I want to send love to their significant others because support really can make the difference between living and thriving with chronic illness.

And if you've never dated someone with a chronic illness but fall in love with someone with fibromyalgia one day? Well, I hope you keep this post in the back of your mind, and remember that a little bit of humor and a lot of positivity can reveal hidden blessings in the chronic illness that shapes your loved one's life. Happy Early Valentine's Day! (And if you liked this post...don't miss looking at the one that inspired it, my 2015 list of 8 Hilariously Accurate Reasons to Date Someone with Celiac Disease!) No questions - just tell me your thoughts in the comments! via Blogger http://ift.tt/2G9h0gS

[eatmorefaster-blog]

Fundraising Your Food Startup

A Three-Part Series- Part 1:

Funding. Say it out loud. Feel the hair on the back of your neck rise a little? Your pulse quicken? Your palms sweat? For the uninitiated, the concept of funding falls somewhere between busking in Barcelona and winning the lottery. It conjures either total humiliation (cue flashbacks to a skeptical relative reaching into sock drawers and counting out some twenties, slowly) or a vicarious euphoria (cue sharks, tanks and bagel balls). 

For anyone remotely familiar with funding, it might even conjure hives, or a full-blown panic attack. We apologize. It’s something you’d rather not think about unless you absolutely have to. But that’s also, literally, the biggest mistake you can make with funding: letting fear stop you from learning about it and preparing yourself for it early on, no matter what your financial needs or longterm strategy might be.

Here’s the counterintuitive thing about those hives: Fear is actually a completely normal, healthy, even productive response to what is — let’s be honest — the most serious step you’ll have to make since starting your business. You SHOULD be afraid. It ensures that you take the process seriously and carefully, so you’re ready when that opportunity does arise.

However you take it, though — take the process you must.

We’re posting a series on the subject, covering SBLs, Crowdfunding and VCs, respectively, precisely to help you face that funding process head on. The sooner you get comfortable with the idea of funding — its varieties, terminologies, requirements, risks and rewards — the more accurately you’ll be able to anticipate and address opportunities when they arise.

There are things we can’t control in the marketplace, but being prepared to ask for financial support is NOT one of them. As every successful food business will attest, there is a very real and attainable sweet spot where the right kind of financial support makes a budding business go into full bloom.

Read on and dive in. You can’t say we never told you so.