#and we’re getting a whole mother’s day message

[brontes]

if you think of it this weekend, please pray for me

[hairyjocktf]

Spring Break

Noah was pissed. Today was supposed to be the beginning of the best spring break ever. He’d planned a week-long trip with his college friends to New York City. They’d had it all lined up- museums, restaurants, sightseeing, it was perfect. But about a week before, Noah’s mom had called and delivered devastating news. They were having a family reunion that week. In rural Florida. Attendance was not optional. She’d bought his ticket already and there was no way out.

The day had arrived, and he solemnly made his way to the airport and flew to Tallahassee. They were meeting at his relatives’ place in the Florida panhandle, in the middle of nowhere. He’d been once as a kid and vowed never to go back. After a two hour drive from the airport he made it, driving up a dirt driveway to the massive, yet ramshackle, house in the forest. The next hour was a blur of greeting extended family, most of whom he barely remembered since they tended to stay out here in the country. After that settled down his mom came up to him, clearly very excited about something.

“Noah! You’re not gonna believe this, but since it’ll be a few more days before everyone’s here, your cousins Chevy and Logan are gonna take you out on a hunting trip! Just for a couple days,” she was nearly bouncing off the ground.

Noah groaned. That was the last thing he wanted to do. He had nothing in common with his cousins, and certainly did not want to spend time alone with them out in the swampy wilderness. His mom was not hearing any complaints from him though, and she dragged him out back to reacquaint him with his cousins. Chevy and Logan were chatting with each other on the patio, beers in hand, decked out in the camo hunting gear Noah assumed they lived and slept in. They were only a couple years older than Noah, but looked quite a bit older compared to the baby faced city boy.

“Ayyy Noah! What’s up, it’s been a while man,” Chevy walked over and gave him a bear hug, spilling some beer on his back.

“Hey Chevy, nice to see you too. I heard you guys were uh, taking me out camping,” Noah said unenthusiastically.

“Not just camping my guy!” Logan butted in, “We’re talking full on country backroads hunting boy’s trip! We’ll show you what you’re missing by being cooped up in the city.”

Noah’s heart sank; it was worse than he’d thought. They were gonna drag him out there and make him hunt? He didn’t like killing anything and worse, having to deal with the aftermath. He put on a forced grin since his mother was right there.

“Wow, that sounds real great guys, I can’t wait,” he said through gritted teeth. His subliminal messages to them were entirely lost.

“Hell yes bro! Here’s a pack with some of our extra hunting clothing, you won’t want a whole suitcase out there,” Chevy said, handing Noah a backpack. “We’ve got some extra gear that should fit you, it’s already in the truck. We’ll leave in 30 minutes, so get yourself ready.”

30 minutes?? That was immediate, he wouldn’t even have time to plead his case to get out of it. Begrudgingly he went back inside to get his stuff together. The next thing he knew, it was time. The boys were out front in their pickup truck, the back full of tents, camouflage gear, and who knows what else. Logan laid on the horn.

“NOAHHHHHH! It’s time to scram, let's get outta here!” Logan shouted over the blaring horn. 

Noah groaned, this was setting the tone for the whole trip. He looked at himself in the mirror, the camo pants and hoodie just looked wrong on him. He for sure didn’t want his clothes getting covered in mud though, so he sucked it up and headed out front. Chevy grabbed his bag and tossed it in the back before climbing in shotgun, leaving Noah in the cramped back seats. And with that, they were off.

“There’s a real nice game area ‘bout an hour, hour and a half from here,” Logan said. “We’ll get in, set up a nice camp, then relax. Then at sunrise we’ll start you off with somethin easy, maybe a deer or boar,” he turned and looked at Noah, grinning. 

Noah bounced around in the back of the truck as Logan drove through the forest on bumpy dirt roads. Chevy had put on some country music up front, and they were practically yelling to have a conversation over it. They tried talking to Noah about what he’d been up to, but Noah was sulking and gave only short answers. The sun was starting to hang low in the sky when they pulled off, offroading through some clear land towards a spot they’d clearly been to before. They stopped at a neat little clearing near a creek. It was objectively a beautiful little spot, but Noah was not in the mood to appreciate it, already swatting at mosquitoes swarming him. 

“Alright man, you ever pitch a tent?” Chevy asked Noah. 

“Uh, no, I haven’t”

“Well here, I’ll help ya out,” he said earnestly. “We’ve already got a well used spot here, so first we just lay out this footprint, and here let’s have you start with the poles.”

Noah fumbled around with the metal poles before eventually getting them together. He was frustrated, why would he ever need to know this? Chevy took the poles and got the tent up while Logan was still unloading the back of the truck.

“Alright we’re nearly done, just gotta secure it with these stakes,” he handed them to Noah. “Just stick these through the corner, make sure they’re deep in the ground now.”

Noah took the stakes and tried pushing them into the dirt, but they only made it about an inch in. He tried scraping the dirt away with his hands but that didn’t help. Chevy tapped his shoulder, holding a mallet as a suggestion. They’d just gotten here and already Noah was annoyed despite his cousin’s encouraging attitude. His hands were covered in dirt too, he hated being dirty! And he had no escape from all of it. He stormed off to the water’s edge in a huff while the other two finished putting their site together. The sun was really setting by then.

“Ey Noah!” Logan called, “Come have a beer with us man! We’ve got some chili cookin’ too, ya gotta eat somethin,” he laughed. Noah sighed. There was no point in sulking the entire trip like this, even if he wanted to. He walked back over and pulled a beer out of the cooler they’d brought and sat down.

“It seems his highness has decided to grace us with his presence,” Chevy mocked. Noah chuckled. He’d make it through this, even if it took all the beer in that cooler. The boys ate dinner and talked as the sun dipped below the horizon, with Noah actually giving some substantial answers this time. He was exhausted, having flown in and driven all day. He climbed into his tent to hit the sack. If he’d had a mirror in there, he would’ve noticed what looked like some dirt smeared on his face, just on his upper lip and the sides of his face by his ears.

Noah was abruptly awakened by Chevy shaking him. “Hey bro! It’s just starting to get light out, let’s get moving.” Noah groaned, it was his vacation and he was getting woken up at five something in the morning. He crawled out of his tent, banging his head on the pole; was it really that small last night?  The boys were up and moving already, and Chevy handed Noah a granola bar to eat. “It’s a light breakfast I know, but we don’t wanna miss the prime time of the day,” he said softly.

Despite being exhausted, Noah’s annoyance was fading quickly. Maybe this would be a little bit of fun; at the very least it would be something different from normal. He scratched at his chin, his fingers brushing through the smallest bit of stubble that had sprouted overnight. Noah had never been able to grow facial hair, but for some reason this didn’t alarm him, it felt natural even. He put on his hat to hide his messy hair and began to chow down on that granola bar. As he did, that small amount of stubble began pushing out more, giving Noah a shadow across his jaw. It grew thicker, sticking out further until he had a rough, patchy beard. It made Noah look more natural in his hunting gear, aging him up just a hair. His clothes had also grown less baggy on him, attributing to an extra inch or two in height and some mass he’d never been able to pack on before.

Within a few minutes, they were off, trekking through the tall grass into the brush. Logan guided them to a denser pocket where they set up watch and waited for some wildlife to show up. Logan had told them he knew there were deer that tended to feed nearby, so they just had to be quiet and wait. The tension grew as time passed, and before he knew it, a buck had shown up in the clearing. Chevy had prepared him for this, and he took the shot. The deer went down, and Chevy and Logan cheered.

“Hell yes dude! Nice shot, especially for your first time,” Logan patted him on the back.

Chevy gripped him with joy, “It must be in your blood bro, you’re a natural.”

The adrenaline was coursing through Noah’s veins and to his surprise he was actually having a good time. He couldn’t remember why he hadn’t wanted to spend time with his cousins, they were chill, and this was turning out to be better than being cooped up in the house. The three of them carried the animal back, working together to hoist several hundred pounds. The sun was fully up now and it was humid. Sweat ran down Noah’s back, and he could smell the putrid stench coming off Chevy in front of him. He didn’t mind though, after all, that’s what a working man smells like.

The sweat was clinging to Noah’s damp skin, beading on his forehead. As he slogged ahead, carrying this massive weight on his shoulders, his body began to adapt. His twig like arms expanded with new muscle, his thighs exploded with size, and his chest produced an impressive set of pecs before softening with a layer of fat. The sweat and smell really began to soak into his skin, and under his sopping shirt small brown hairs poked up around his nipples. Those soft, small hairs didn’t remain so for long, sprouting from his chest, covering the expanse in a curly rug that was slicked down with sweat. Noah’s stubble was not to be left out, pushing further out of his face. Hairs wriggled out in the gaps between old ones, leaving him with much better coverage on his cheeks. Around his chin it even started to fluff up a little, coarse hairs puffing out.

They finally made it back to their camp, dropping the load and slumping into the chairs they’d left around the fire pit. 

“We’ll have to gut and clean that in a minute, but here champ,” Logan handed Noah a beer. It was cold, and exactly what Noah needed against the oppressive humidity. “Here’s to many more,” he toasted, before chugging his own down. Noah was finally able to take a breather, and thats when he noticed.

He STUNK.

He raised his arms back behind his head, airing them out. The sweat drenched pits aired their stench to the world, but to Noah, he just matched his cousins now. The exposed pits had a few hairs plastered to the skin. As he sipped the beer and relaxed, more wisps of hair shot out from his skin, growing thick and wiry. What started as a few extra hairs quickly blossomed into a thick forest of hairs, tangling together and poking out of the sleeves of his t-shirt. The hairs itched as they grew in, prompting Noah to dig his fingers in there, scratching through the sweaty, smelly hairs. He didn’t question it, as far as he remembered he’d had hairy pits since middle school. The hairs spread out of his pits, connecting to the dense coating on his chest. The rug on his chest had started creeping upwards, reaching with thick tendrils of hair towards his burgeoning beard.

After a short reprieve Noah was back on his feet, jumping at the opportunity to learn from his cousins how to clean their kill. They were eager to teach him, to fold him into their ways. Noah’s distaste for his cousins, the country, hunting, all of it was evaporating. He felt like he had so much in common with them now, how had he never realized? 

The rest of the day Chevy and Logan took Noah on a whole laundry list of activities they’d planned. Fishing, mudding, you name it. All hesitation had disappeared, Noah was in deep now. He kept drinking with the boys, not noticing that his gut was pushing tight against his shirt. In fact, his whole upper body was stretching out. His shoulders pushed out, growing broader. His frame was massive now, bigger than either of his cousins. He stood out on the edge of a pond in the harsh sunlight fishing, his shirt absolutely soaked with sweat that dribbled down his massive back. As it reached his waistband, it began fertilizing the growth of a new patch of hair right above his plump ass. The hairs sprung out of the wet skin, shooting up his spine in minutes. Before long the hairs had spread out across the wide expanse of his lats, pressing against the tight shirt. The fields of hair were thick, dense enough to darken the shade of his skin, and definitely didn’t help with the sweat situation. The hairs continued to spread, climbing over his round shoulders and down his arms, coating him with a wild fur that cemented his place out in the country. He was really starting to look like his cousins now, between his camo gear, hairy body, and beer gut. 

When the three of them returned to camp that night, Noah was exhausted. He grabbed another can from the cooler and cracked it open. Putting up to his mouth, he tilted it a little too far, spilling foamy beer down his face and into his chest hair. He chuckled and half attempted to wipe the foam off. Where it sat in his beard, the hairs began to thicken and sprout. His mustache grew incredibly thick, making itself known above the rest of his scruff. His chest fur also took to the growth, turning into a real carpet that climbed up and out of his shirt collar. Noah let out a massive burp in response.

“Yo Chevy, we really gotta head back tomorrow? Shit rocks out here,” Noah said with a deeper voice than he’d ever had previously.

“Yea bro, Ma will skin us if we miss the reunion. But don’t worry man, I know you’ll be back out with us in no time,” he flashed a grin at Noah. 

Noah went and dug through their bags, finding a lighter and pack of cigars. Now that the sun was going down, it was cool enough to enjoy being outside. He lit it up and took a hefty puff, his huge, hirsute body taking it in like a champ. Any thoughts about his old spring break, his old life, had been dragged through the mud and stamped out. All he wanted to do now was relax, listen to the sounds of the crickets, and spend time with his bros. 

[stepintothelimelight]

▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄ HASN’T EVERY LITTLE CHRISTMAS WISH BEEN SENT?

┊┊┊✧ ⁺ ⁺ 　° I hope the holiday

will find you well… ✧ ⁺

PART 2 of the Spitfire Saga

TRAILER: A blue Christmas in Monaco

(Charles Leclerc x fem!driver!reader (platonic), Sebastian Vettel x fem!driver!reader (platonic), 2017!f1 grid x fem!driver!reader)(SMAU + written work)

For more Spitfire content go to my account and it’s my pinned post since tumblr hates me and won’t let me link anything :)

WARNINGS: ANGST, family issues, mentions of death/ mourning, language maybe? fluff (a little), google translate french, sexism, slut shaming, complicated family relationships

fc: pinterest girls

Aaaaannnnd ACTION!

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yourusername just shared a story!

Caption: [skiing w my favs 🩶]

Replies:

yourbestfriend1: With the boys? yourusername: with the team!! 😜😜 yourbestfriend1: Oh right I forgot you’re a pro driver now and go on free ski trips with LEWIS HAMILTON yourusername: Lewis isn’t here ☹️ yourusername: i think he’s a little salty about merc replacing Bottas so soon yourbestfriend1: did he expect them to race a driver down? yourusername: 🤷‍♀️

charles_leclerc: Why no invite for me? yourusername: sorry i don’t associate with rookies charles_leclerc: you’re a rookie as well Chérie. yourusername: sorry i don’t associate with non race winners charles_leclerc: f1 changed you 😞 yourusername: i don’t mean it charlie 🫶 yourusername: next time me n u n artie can go 👍 charles_leclerc: liked a message

lewishamilton: Sorry I couldn’t make it. Hope you had fun! yourusername: I did! See you in Feb for preseason! 🩶

yourmominsta: A little jealous! yourusername: liked a message

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You cradle your phone in both hands and stare down at the little red heart. Double tapping your own mother’s message should not make you feel this gross and torn apart inside.

You stare at your instagram chat with her for a few more minutes than you’d like to admit, then shut off the phone altogether and lay it facedown on the bed next to you. 

You’re somewhere in the Swiss alps with your performance team, taking a few days to ski before the holidays. You, luckily, have your own room in the little hotel that is somehow associated with Mercedes as a whole. 

There’s a gnawing in your chest. Should you have responded to you mom with actual words? 

Things at home have been rocky lately. 

It started the week of Abu Dhabi. Since you were already F2 world champion, you had planned to pay the fine and skip the final race of the season, since it was thanksgiving.

In all honesty, you didn’t decide that. Your mother and father did, then held an hour long screaming match with you, which ended with your mother storming out and you in tears. 

“Don’t you love us? Don’t you want to be with your family?”

“No, of course not. To her, we’re nothing.”

They’re not nothing. You wish they were nothing, that what they thought didn’t mean anything to you.

But they aren’t nothing, and you still would move heaven and earth for your family’s approval, so you had decided to stay home for Thanksgiving, whether it jeopardized your career in motorsport or not. 

Until you got the call, they had won. You were going to miss the last race of the season, possibly the last race of your career for a family dinner. 

And then Toto called and you sprinted out of Calc, turned your car on and sped to the nearest airport, shooting a text to your mom on the way.

She had not been pleased.

A voice in your head that sounds suspiciously like Seb’s tells you that there shouldn’t be a world in which you make yourself sick worrying about what you mother is going to scream at you when you get home. 

You wish you could text him. Call him, tell him what’s wrong, but you can’t, or you won’t.

You don’t want to bother him, and you already have one set of parents that hate you, you don’t need him and Hanna to get fed up with you, too. 

You can’t, however, stomach yet another family dinner when your mother, father, aunt and uncle are all ragging on you for following you dream and being a little too busy. You know they all wish you were normal.

It’s not worth it, you decide. Going home is not worth it.

So you pick up your phone and tap on Charles’s contact, realizing only belatedly that your presence at their home would be an intrusion on their mourning.

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Christmas in Monaco is … everything you remember your childhood christmas to be. Unconditional love, laughter, light.

There are times, of course, that you all feel the lingering hole that is the absence of Herve, who was the patriarch of the family. 

Pascale, bless her soul, she does her best, and seems genuinely glad that you’ve come to celebrate with them. 

“Y/n, mon amor!” she exclaims as you walk through the door, Mercedes duffel bag thrown over your shoulder. “I was so happy when Charles told me that you were spending Christmas with us!”

She wraps you in a hug and you freeze up, willing the tears that are stinging your eyes away and easing into the embrace. There is t a time in your recent memory that your own mother hugged you like this.

Pascale snaps her fingers at Charles. 

“Charles, monte son sac dans la chambre.”

He sighs and takes your duffel over one shoulder, ascending the stairs to the bedroom you will be sharing with him.

“Come,” Pascale orders you in English. “You must be starving!”

it’s a flush of hugs and chatter and drinks flowing, sitting around this table with the Leclercs. Enzo and Arthur don’t question your presence. You assume that Charles has told them you are constantly having issues with your family. 

Charles sits to your right. Pascale heads the table and Lorenzo sits across from Charles with Arthur to his right. Lorenzo asks you and Charles about the upcoming season, congratulates you in your win. 

“Charles will not stop talking about it!”

“It’s impressive!” Charles defends, his ears pinking. “She’s the youngest to ever win!”

You pat Charles’s shoulder. 

“It’s ok, Charlie. I know I’m just so amazing.”

He mutters something in French that you don’t catch, but Pascale slaps his shoulder.

“Do not use those words at my table!”

The entire table erupts in laughter and you look around. This is the first time in a long time that a family dinner has actually felt like family.

There is a mattress in Charles’s closet that you’ve slept on for hundreds of nights throughout your lifetime. It’s a little lumpy, but the trick is to lay down a comforter under the bottom sheet and that smooths out all the bumps. 

You’ve showered and changed into your pajamas while Charles makes up the makeshift bed at the foot of his own. 

He casts a dirty look at your black Mercedes t-shirt. 

“This is a Ferrari-only household,” he scolds you with no actual bite. 

“I don’t see you driving for Ferrari.”

He rolls his eyes at you and takes one of his pillows and sets it at the head of your bed. He’s pulled the sheets tight, just like he always used to.

“When was the last time you slept here?” He asks you, breaking the weird silence you’ve fallen into. 

“Um,” You set your clothes next to your duffel. “2015? I came and stayed to watch your first home F3 race?”

He was seventeen, you fifteen, and you’d been in the height of your awkwardness, and to make matter worse, he still hadn’t discovered deodorant. Altogether, not a fond experience.

He makes an affirming noise and lays down on his bed. 

You pull back your covers and he shuts off the light, and for a while it’s just the two of you breathing. He always tries to match your inhales and exhales.

“Your family,” he blurts into the dark. “Why aren’t you with them?”

Your heart squeezes. 

“I think they think I think I’m too good for them.”

He pauses.

“Repeat? slower?”

You laugh softly. Sometimes you forget his English isn’t the greatest. 

“They think that I think that I’m better than them. My mom, especially. When she was growing up I think she idolized her parents and I don’t idolize her in the same way. She’s really scared that she can’t control me like they controlled her.”

Charles mulls that over,

“And your father? “

You sigh into the darkness. 

“I don’t know. He’s always working and he doesn’t like that I have my own opinions and stuff, because he’s very … he needs to be right. 

“And then my brother, we get along when our parents are being crazy, but it’s not like we’re close. I was gone for most of our childhood and now he’s in school.”

There’s a shifting in Charles’s bed, the you hear his feet pattering on the floor. The mattress beside you dips, then he’s laying next to you, his shoulder touching yours.

“This is very uncomfortable.”

You scoff out a laugh.

“It’s not that bad.”

“It is. My bed is much more comfortable.”

“Then go back and sleep there!” 

He shifts next to you, rolling on his side then back to his back. Lying here, next to him, it’s hot. You scoot over an inch so you can still feel him but you’re not touching. 

His breaths become slower and deeper.

“I’m sorry,” He tells you just as you’re drifting off to sleep. “That you feel like your family doesn’t want you, but… “

His hand pats yours three times. 

“I’m glad you’re here. Makes it more bearable.”

You fall asleep then, and wake up with you back to him. You sit up as the cold light streams through the blinds and look over at him. His face is smushed and a bead of drool pools on his pillow. 

“Charlie,” You whisper. “Charlie, wake up.”

He sits up like you just ran an electric shock through him. His hair is smashed to the side and he used the back of his hand to wipe the drool.

You giggle.

“C’mon, I smell breakfast.”

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twitter:

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charles_leclerc

charles_leclerc: A bittersweet Christmas celebration. Will be missing you forever, Papa. x

tagged: arthur_leclerc, yourusername, lorenzotl

liked by max33verstappen and 56370 others 

view 72891 comments:

user1: Merry christmas, charles! 

user2: Repose en paix, Herve ❤️❤️

user3: The fact that Y/n spend Christmas with the Leclercs is 🤨🤨

↳ user4: fr i knew she and charles were close but … girl… he has a gf …

↳user5: Oh I bet his GF HATES her

↳user77: Yeah, AND it’s the Christmas right after they lost his father, like intruder who?

yourusername: ❤️❤️❤️

♡ by creator

↳ user65: HOMEWRECKER

↳user66: She’s actually such a skank. I don’t know why people put up with her.

user6: I know it’s been debunked a bunch of times but CharY/n would be so 😍😍

↳user7: he has a girlfriend and she’s always said he’s like a brother to her

↳ user6: if my bf had a friend as close as her I would end it

↳user7: the thing is that she has been seen out and about with Giada. They’re good friends 😳

user8: Doesn’t Y/n have her own family to spend Xmas with?

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As soon as you say ‘It’s fine’ you know you’re done for. ‘Fine’ is never fine.

He calls you, you try to avoid the question, but then he hits you with -

“Y/n.” In his disappointed/worried voice. And it works like it always does. You tell him everything - from when it started when you were in F3 to now, how you’ve driven your family away. He listens. He’s a good listener when he wants to be.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asks at the end. You take a shaking breath.

Because I didn’t want you to realize I’m no good. Because you would leave me, too. Because I can’t not love them and I don’t know why.

“I don’t know.”

“Are you going home for the new year?”

You’ve been waiting on a text from your mom. That’s how it goes. Fight, spend a week in the silent treatment, one of you reaches out, you make up, then you fight again. You promised yourself that you’re not going to be the one to reach out this time.

“I don’t know.”

“If not, come to my house. We’re having a party.”

Your words catch in your throat.

“I don’t want to intrude-“

“You’re never intruding,” he assures you. “I’m your mentor, remember? I have to look out for you.”

My parents are supposed to look out for me.

“Okay,” you breathe out. “I’ll keep that in mind. Thanks, Seb.”

“Merry Christmas, Spitfire.”

Your mom texts you. She grovels. You get on a plane an hour later and go back home.

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yourusername

yourusername: gettin ready 💪💪

F1 2018 and last semester of hs here i come

liked by mercedesamgf1, yourbestfriend1 and 817279 others 

view 5389 comments

yourbestfriend1: okay miss influencer 😍

♡ by creator

user10: Y/n on twt: 😃👹🤡😼🧌 Y/n on insta: 🩵🌃🎹🫧⭐️🪞

↳yourusername: it’s called duality babes 💋

↳user10: OMG

↳user16: her addiction to memes though 🤣 she can’t even do an aesthetic post without one

gg_giada_gianni: jolie fille

↳yourusername: c’est tout toi ❤️

↳user80: Y/n and giada saw the romance rumors and said hold my beer

user20: Why didn’t you spend Christmas with your family??

leclerc_pascale: Wonderful to spend Christmas with you, darling

↳yourusername: awwww thanks for letting me crash your xmas 🫶🫶

↳arthur_leclerc: Don’t worry, she likes you more than she likes any of her actual children

↳ charles_leclerc: Sadly true

user11: Still can’t get over the fact that she’s still in school

user12: U don’t deserve that seat

susie_wolff: Such an inspiring young woman, Y/n!

↳yourusername: Hi susie 😚

yourmominsta: So proud of you, ladybug!

↳ yourusername: ❤️

user13: why would they let a woman in the car?

↳ user14: she’s already driven it

↳ user15: and won her debut race ?

max33verstappen: Merry Christmas! I wouldn’t train too hard, since you’ll never beat me again! 😸

↳yourusername: 😺😺😾🔪

user17: I didn’t know she played piano?

↳user18: she plays off and on. Her youtube has a few videos of songs she’s covered and written

↳ user17: multitalented queen 👑

user19: Oh, to be eighteen and already signed to a top F1 team

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✧ ⁺ ⁺ oh, noel

oh, noel ┊┊┊✧ ⁺ ⁺ 　°

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Aaannnnnnddd scene!

DIRECTOR’S CUT: a little short and bittersweet holiday special (in august 👻)

Want to join the taglist? drop a comment below or message my inbox

🏷️: @octavikravecell218

[artsninspo]

FORGIVELESS - X - GOT A COUPLE THAT'S OUTSIDE, THEY KILL ABOUT ME THOUGH 🪦

Full Masterlist

PREVIOUS CHAPTER

RIO MASTERLIST

MOODBOARD 🖼️

Pairing: Rio (Good Girls) X Reader

Word Count: ~4.3K

Warning: Same as all the others for the most part, mentions of violence and un-aliving someone.

Summary: Picking up where we left off. Rio and the Reader try to establish a new normal until the reader gets a call regarding James. Having had his fill of the back and forth Rio finally makes himself known to James and puts an end to the chaos.

X - GOT A COUPLE THAT'S OUTSIDE, THEY KILL ABOUT ME THOUGH 🪦

The dread of returning home to a less than ideal reality is coursing through your veins. It’s so overwhelming you can feel something is coming in your bones. The fight to maintain your centre is active. You haven't practised yoga in more than a week and you have not maintained your meditation rituals. A hand splays over your thigh offering comfort and affection along with a kiss on the top of your head as you rest your head on his chest. You can't help but wonder how he knows that right now you're in need of affection as your mind drifts. The plane starts its descent and you place your hand over Rio’s.  You wish you were happier, especially after all the effort he’d put into your excursions the day prior but it feels like that ship has sailed with those bullshit messages. Closing your eyes you sigh deeply regretting the grace you’d given him. You regret not going postal, not showing up to his job, not kicking and screaming, not telling his mother, bleaching his clothes, the whole nine yards. Clearly, he has no intentions of sparing you or maintaining your reputation. Swallowing you decide the gloves are all the way off. Cheating back just didn't seem to cut it. You’d have to hop down to the depths to meet him at his level. You sit stewing without knowing Rio has already taken care of it. He’d gotten the message confirmation before you’d left the villa this morning. It was part of the reason why he found himself capable of smiling. As soon as the plane landed he knew there would be more details. He needed James down and incapable of bothering you for at least the next month. From here on out he’d let you decide the next courses of action - unless James gets out of pocket again. You and Rio leave the airport side by side. His assertive energy is quite the thing to experience in person. People just seem to give him respect. The airport staff nod at him in acknowledgement. People come over to help him when he needs help and he delegates efficiently finding an attendant to get your bags off the baggage carousel paying them handsomely to lift the bags and push the cart. He doesn't break a sweat keeping you close. You watch him in awe as he moves with precision and purpose; you end up at a part of the airport you don’t recall ever coming across as your bags are transferred to a new attendant.

“Hey man, table for two” Rio says and your eyes bulge in horror when you realise where you are. It's a five star restaurant.

“Rio, I’m in loungewear” you whisper.

“Let me find out you're trying to impress someone else” he comments and you shake your head. “You look beautiful” he smiles as we are seated in a private area. Everyone else is well dressed.

“Thank you, it's just …”

“Mama, me being able to get my girl in a restaurant I don’t own in her pyjamas is boss shit” Rio says and you feel your cheeks burn.

“Ha, Ha! You've seen my pj’s, this is loungewear” you correct.

“Whatever you say” he shrugs and you look away laughing as a server comes over pouring you a delicious smelling tea. 

“The boss will be right out, if you need any help with the menus let me know. We’re happy to make any substitutions you may require. If you need anything click the button on the table and I'll be right out” the man explains. Overwhelmed you hand Rio your menu.

“Please order what you think I’ll like” you tell him and he smiles proceeding to do just that on your behalf. The server smiles and disappears. It’s clear he has great taste and only likes the best of the best, everywhere he goes he’s treated with the utmost consideration.

“I had a dinner planned for us last night” he confesses. It’s clear Rio is upset about having to pivot because of James. Your first instinct is an apology but you reconsider it knowing Rio doesn't expect one. 

“I wish things happened differently,” you confess. “I know it would have been gorgeous” you smile and he nods.

“It was, and I was going to ask you to be my girl because I figure being clear is the best thing for both of us. I know you’ve got a lot going on and I know you’re trying to be happy but it’s okay if you’re not. Fuck shame and James the joke. Soso said I need to be more sensitive” he says.

“Soso?”

“Marisol” he corrects and you smile at his soft side and Marisol’s consideration of you. “Anyway, I’m not ashamed of shit we got going on or what you’re dealing with. I want you to be my girl. I enjoy our time together and I’m not running from shit” he shrugs.

“I had no idea they even made men like you” you remark out loud, thankful for him. Rio smirks, raising a brow.

“Like what?” he asks and you reach across the table to take his chin.

“No words” you smile, giving him a quick peck. “Of course I’ll be yours.” You respond sitting back down. Rio smiles.

“Good” he nods and the waiter brings out a delicious plate of food you absolutely love. Rio shares some of his with your and you with him. Before dinner is over he leaves to speak with the owner. You relax in your seat and check your phone to see a message thread with Tia already making plans for the two of you to go shopping. It’s how Rio finds you and you leave the restaurant and end up at the valet where his car is waiting already loaded with your luggage. You arrive at his place forty-five minutes later. It’s so clean it looks staged.

“I didn't forget about you getting your own place” he comments, watching you hesitate. Shacking up had been against your constitution since before you and James had gotten serious. James, you shake your head knowing you're gonna have to confront him over what he did. You’re gonna have to move your things out.

“I’m in no rush. I’m gonna call my mom and tell her we got in okay” you tell Rio.

“Bet, I have a meeting across town in two hours. I’m going to get ready and head out.” he says leaving you to it.

Settling into the extra deep cushions you look around at the pristine place that feels slightly sterile. It's the level of perfection that doesn't make it feel lived in. You call your mom and she picks up on the third ring.

“Hey Ma, we landed safely.” you tell her.

“Good baby girl” she says but her voice sounds off.

“What’s wrong?” you ask.

“Just got a call from James’ mother.” she says and your eyes close as the irritation mounts. That gag order might be necessary after all.

“Yay” you mutter sarcastically.

“Are you sitting down?” Ma asks and your eyes open as you sit forward.

“Yes?” you ask concerned.

“Apparently James was in a fight last night. It went badly for him and he’s in the hospital suffering pretty badly if she’s not exaggerating. They spent the night and all morning calling you until James was lucid enough to have them call his mother. She's furious and wouldn’t let me get a word in.” Your mom explains rocking your world.

“She’s blaming me isn't she?” You ask and your mothers silence is telling. “Why doesn't he call his girlfriend?” you question your mother.

“He wants you and she’s her son's advocate in light of your absence let her tell it” your mom explains. Sighing deeply you look at the ceiling.

“What was he thinking? Starting a fight?” you question.

Your mom sighs “I don’t know…”

“What do you think I should do?” you ask in need of guidance.

“Do what feels right” she says, being no help. Sexual healing with RIo is what feels right. But you leave your mom out of that truth sighing deeply. You resent James more and more every waking moment it seems.

“I guess I’ll go” you say finally. “Guess I’ll take this time to move my things out too”

“I’m coming down, i’ll get a hotel and we can sort it out together” she says.

“Thanks mom” you sigh in relief.

“No problem my love, let me get things sorted and I’ll call you later. Call me if you need anything” she offers.

“I will love you mommy, sorry you’ve become my secretary” you tell her.

“No problem, I've been cleaning up your shit since you were in diapers. It’s what I signed up for” she jokes, making you laugh.

“Hopefully, you get a break again really soon” you smile.

“Only a tiny one, I want some grandbabies,” she says.

“Ma!” you laugh. 

“After the divorce is finalized of course,  and you’re in a happy healthy marriage” she specifies.

“The shitty fumes must be getting to you. Light a candle, open a window, get some fresh air and I’ll call you later” you tease joking with her.

“Love you, bye” she says hanging up and you do too. Rio emerges dressed in his signature all black and you feel terrible for throwing yet another complicated issue his way.

“What is it?” he asks, sitting down beside you.

“I need a key” you tell him.

“My housekeeper got one cut,” he says. “Where are you headed?” he asks.

“To the hospital James got into something. I’m his emergency contact, he’s in bad shape and asking for me, it’s this whole thing” you explain not wanting to be in this situation.

“I don't think he deserves to see you,” Rio says angrily.

“I’m not sure he’s seeing much of anything with how bad it seems he was beat up.” you tell Rio.

“I don't think you should go after the shit he’s pulled” Rio stands his ground.

“I know, I’m going to go though. I can't keep running from my problems. If I go, he and his mom can say whatever. I can remove myself from all necessary non-legal documents for the time being and then I can tell her I'm going to move out my things and to stop calling my mom. Moving forward all communications will be handled through email until I retain legal counsel” you explain and Rio finds himself smiling.

“Boss shit” he comments.

You snicker. “I have a good teacher”

“Who? I’m not doing all that talking” Rio asserts.

“Take my car and call me if anything you don't like happens” Rio offers.

“You have a meeting. I’ll wait” You respond not wanting to be a distraction.

“Baby, I’m the boss, there's no meeting without me,” Rio says and you laugh, shaking your head at him. Everything about him is so sexy to you. There's no apology for owning who he is and you pinch his cheek.

“I love that about you” you smile honestly and in a second you clam up. The L word. But Rio doesnt clam up, it’s music to his ears. 

“Don’t start or we’ll be here all day if I have to list the things I love about you” he says, giving you a kiss as he stands with his heart racing like a kid. His smile is reassuring, affirming you're alright.

“Maybe some other time then” you recover and he nods, coming back with car keys and a house key for you.

“Go handle your business mama” Rio smirks, willing to let you leap. Your lungs fill with air and you nod knowing he’s there to catch you.

You feel yourself tugging at the hems of your long sleeves as you walk into the eerie hospital environment. The stark whites and fluorescent lighting clash with the depth of Rio’s home decor. No longer in his presence you don't feel as strong or as sure footed. If James has done anything over the past month, it's been turning your life upside down. After years of keeping things close to the chest, what he pulled last night was the very last thing you ever thought he would do. You guess karma is funny that way because it’s him and not you that acted the ass only to be beat up so bad hospitalisation is required. Following the directions from the information desk you find yourself in a unit that smells absolutely disgusting. You hold your breath until you grab a mask from the wall only to freeze once it's on. James’ mother Gladys watches you with folded arms. His father James Senior sits outside the room with his head down instead of pointed at you.

“Someone call my wife!” you hear James shout from inside one of the rooms. His voice is strained and the pain in it is unmistakable.

“Get your ass in there!” His mother screams near tears.

“Gladys” Senior hisses, he’s the king of time and place. Years of trying to please his family nearly makes you rush into the room with your head down, but the time of putting James your needs ahead of everyone else's is done.

“Gladys I’d like to speak to you” you swallow standing your ground.

“We can talk after you go in and tend to your husband.” Her tone is sharp but it no longer cuts.

“If you don't want to talk now I can leave and I won't be coming back” you swallow standing firm.

“Y/N, he’s in pain, one of his eyes is swollen shut and his neck is sprained from how hard he was hit. His breathing is impeded by a few cracked ribs according to x-rays and he’s got a fractured ankle.” Senior says. It’s a surprise, you've never heard of someone so severely impacted from a fight. All that muscle and it turns out he’s made of glass.

“How many people fought him?” you ask.

“Two” Senior responds and you swallow. “He wants to see you, that's all he wants. I know you two are having a rough patch-”

“He’s been cheating on me for six months. Please don’t deny it. I saw the photographs and messages between them. She knew and would talk about me like trash. James didn't defend me. It’s the truth and if he thinks I'm so crazy to make things up then that's another reason we should be divorced.” You tell his father frankly.

“He’s a successful man and you want for nothing, give a little, have a heart” His mother says, shaming women everywhere. As painful as it is, you're grateful that James and his family are in the past now.

“He’s been harassing me for the past week and a half. I had to change my number. The only reason I left is because he nearly put hands on me. Dragged me out of the car when I tried to leave him. A cop broke it up. It’s documented if you don't believe me. He’s been harassing my mother too and cyberstalking me. He’s sending horrible messages to the people I spend time with telling them I’m having an affair, that I’m crying out for attention and mentally unstable.” You vent and while Gladys looks like she doesn’t believe it, Senior seems less reluctant to accept your truth.

“He shouldn’t get physical,” Senior says, drawing the line in the sand somewhere. It’s a decent start toward progress.

“Or harass and stalk me” you add.

“He’s fighting for you Y/N, out of everyone he’s been calling for you non stop. He’s made a mistake but he loves you and I know you love him. You've been married for years, don't let a lapse in judgement or another woman take that from you. He probably let the world or his colleagues get in his head.” Senior says with excellent spin. Maybe two months ago it would have worked. Maybe if he’d ended things without the pressure of your awareness. Maybe if he’d treated you better or reacted differently but not now, not after he’s done so much to hurt you.

“She can have him because if this is how he loves - I don't want it” You swallow pushing the door open. Looking at James sympathy swells in your core. Half of his face is so swollen he’s nearly unrecognisable. He can barely handle the flu so you know this is hell for him.

“Baby” he smiles, erasing every drop of empathy in you.

“No baby, Y/N” You correct sitting in the chair and he smiles while shaking his head.

“What are you playing at? What took you so long?” He asks, trying a smile, it's hard to tell with the swelling.

“James pretending to have amnesia is beneath even you. Don’t make this worse than it needs to be with the pet names. I’ve had enough Jekyll and Hyde from you to last a lifetime” you comment with thinning patience. James’ eyes hold yours for a long while before he relents.

“I’m not gonna stop fighting for us” is what he says first.

“Yes you are, I’m gonna go to the house this week and get my things and you're going to stop contacting me and anyone I associate with.” you explain.

“You're my wife Y/N” he snaps.

“Call Japan, get down on one knee for her when you can manage it” You comment and the hint of cruelty in your disregard for his current predicament is not lost on James.

“So you can be with a club owner? I mean if you’re pissed with me for cheating what do you think he’s gonna do?” James deflects.

“No one I associate with is your business. James, why don't you understand that I’m trying to be civil when what I should do is crash out after the shit you pulled yesterday. That message was abhorrent and grounds for me to file for a restraining order which I may have to still since you're committed to thinking this divorce is a joke” you snap.

“It is, you can't afford to leave me” he threatens.

“No James, you can't afford to lose me but it’s too late. I hope you treat the next woman better, if you get lucky enough.” You stand.

“You won't get anything good in the divorce we don’t have kids!” He says playing his last card.

“Thank God, co-parenting with an asshole like you would be a life sentence” you comment.

“Fuck you” he sneers and the machine he’s attached to starts beeping.

“Have fun pissing into a cup” You shoot back as his mother rushes in.

—----

Later that night

Sitting in the dimly lit room Rio can't recall the last time someone had him this out of character. But James was new to the city after all. How could he know who he was dealing with in all his arrogance. It was his arrogance that made this all easier for Rio. Getting him handled was just a phone call. Sitting he looks ahead at the imbecile that was stupid enough to let you slip through his fingers. Up close and personal with James it was clear the man couldn't differentiate between an asset or liability. He had a wife that was happy to please him, out of the way, good cook with great pussy and a heart of gold. He’d traded into a clear cut VVS diamond for one of those huge lab grown stones. He’d an heirloom for aesthetics, gold for fools gold, and now he was grasping at straws. Being fed pain killers intravenously to quell the beating that was the result of him acting out. Looking down at his gloved hand Rio looks to the gold gun, it always did the trick. Got people where he wanted them quickly. Got their undivided attention and guided them to compliance.  Sitting forward he butts the hospital bed arm rails with his gun twice before sitting back in the seat. James only stirs sleepily, rapping twice more, Rio watches as the man stirs looking around only to go from sleepy to scared. Rio watches as James sits up only to wince and hiss. His hands reach for the button to call the nurse but Rio has already switched it off. It takes James a moment to realise help isn't coming only for panic to fill his eyes at the sight of the gun laying on his lap.

“I - I - I” James begins but the first two tries are hoarse. He swallows before continuing. “IIIII, I didn't mean whatever I said or did, I was wasted” he manages. Displeased with his skills of deduction Rio says nothing as he watches him fight to sit up in disgust.

“You have two choices,” Rio says finally. “Option One: You refuse option two and I pay one of these underpaid and overworked nurses to inject something to make your life miserable into this bag. More miserable than you are already.” Rio swallows. “Two, you leave Y/N alone and sign the divorce papers”

“How the fuck do you know my wif-” Rio is quick and presses the iron against Jame’s skull. 

“Keep talking crazy” Rio smiles, pulling the gun back to screw on a silencer. Once it's fastened he returns his attention back to James. “What were you saying?” Rio asks with his head tilted, wishing James would give him one more reason. Instead of a response the coward swallows. Rio smirks, returning to his seat placing the gun on the tray beside him and giving James his attention once again.

“I mean I get it. I dont get why you cheated but I get you fighting for her. I mean …” Rio nods to himself. “It’s the way she looks at me when she hasn't seen me for a bit” Rio starts chipping away at James' resolve. “The way she calls when she needs something, her little walk, hell I don't even care about her shit crowding the counters in the bathroom” Rio taunts watching James’ patience wear down.

“So you’re her rebound” James grits.

“Rebound is better than the guy who fumbled her. Rebound has her in bed begging for more almost every night.” Rio continues.

“Enough” Jame’s grits.

“I mean I guess you know how good her pussy is, fan-fucking-tastic. I’ll probably suck her dry when I get home and then give her a son” Rio says, hitting the right nerve.

“Fuck you!” James snarks, making Rio smile.

“She probably ain’t post these to spare your ass but since youre a nosy fuck take a look” Rio says getting his phone to a few of the video’s they’d taken on the trip. James closes his eyes at the sight of Rio grabbing your boob while in a bikini in the water together before you kiss. “Aww, what's wrong? It’s no fun when I have the gun?”

“I’ll sign the fucking papers” James grits.

“Ay man, she was always gonna get the divorce whether you were here on earth or in hell” Rio mutters keeping James aware of the existing power dynamic. “Matter of fact, you're gonna send everyone you sent the last bullshit message this one and post it to your story” :

Hello,

I’m writing with a heavy heart to clarify my previous message regarding the affair between your cousin and Y/N. I realize now how misguided and hurtful my words were, driven by my own insecurities and shame.

The painful truth is that I am the one who had an affair for six long months with someone named @JapanJacobs. In my selfishness, I completely neglected my role as a husband and failed to be the partner Y/N deserved. I can’t express how deeply sorry I am for the emotional turmoil I’ve caused her.

I must admit that I also became aggressive with her during our struggles, which only pushed her further away. When she finally asked for a divorce, it sent me spiralling into a manic state that I couldn’t control. I was lost and scared, and I lashed out in my confusion.

I am currently seeking serious help for my mental health and undergoing an evaluation, but I know it may be too little, too late. I am truly ashamed of my actions and the pain I’ve inflicted, not just on my wife but on all of you as well.

I’m so sorry for dragging you into this mess and for speaking poorly of Y/N, who has shown me nothing but kindness. I feel utterly pathetic for what I’ve done, and I can only hope for forgiveness, even though I know I don’t deserve it.

Thank you for your understanding during this difficult time.

Sincerely,James

Looking up from the screen James can hardly speak again. “I’m not sending that!” he snaps scornfully. His pride would not allow it.

“I think you are and I bet you don't tell anyone about my visit either. Won’t make you look too sane. Promise you this, if I have to deal with another frown from something you did to my woman you won't walk again. You try something slick and your pops will be in the morgue first. You should’ve respected your beauty but now you’ve woken up a beast.” Rio stands as James’ night nurse enters. Rio waits for James to cry foul but he doesn't. Nodding Rio gives the nurse her cue. A sleep draft is administered and before James can make any stupid decisions he’s forced into a temporary sleep. The messages are sent, the story is posted and Rio leaves the hospital having snatched away all James’ power, safety and ego. According to the nurse, recovery would take at least six months which would be enough time to decide how to end him and make it look accidental.

Authors Note: Whew, this was a long one with a little of everything. I hope you all are happy with James getting his just due. Rio said aht aht aht, you're gonna suffer like you tried to make my girl. You're gonna go crazy like you tried to make my girl. Stick around and try me big dog 😂 What was your favourite part of the chapter? Also, I still have some time to finish up the final part so let me know any suggestions below or in my inbox 📥 .

NEXT CHAPTER

TAGS:

@meadows5 @wnbweasley @becauseimher @ariiaeltheedonn @woahthatshitfat @miniaturehideoutmentality @kokobells @ffenthusiastt @sowhatariyana @1xtral1983 @theegoddessofmelanin @fictionalreads

[thefallennightmare]

Just Pretend-fourteen

*gif created by me. feel free to use, simply give credit*

Parings: Noah Sebastian x Musician! Reader

Warnings/Tropes: language, angst, fluff, smut, star-crossed lovers, right person/wrong time, cheating, talks of mental abuse.

Summary: “I can wait for years, heaven knows I’m not getting over you.” A story about two star-crossed lovers, that always find their way back because their souls are entwined. The universe desperately attempts to bring them together, no matter what the cost.

Authors Note: Have fun 🪽🍡

Collaborating With: @thescarlettvvitch(better give her all the love as well)

Tags: @thescarlettvvitch @ozwriterchick @waake-meee-up @notingridslurkaccount @niicoleleigh @sammyjoeee @xxrainstorm @dominuslunae @notmaddihealy @malice-ov-mercy @crimson-calligraphyx @iknownothingpeople @writethrough @thebadchic @blackveilomens Claudia on Tumblr @tobe-written @blacksoul-27 @loeytuan98 @loverofagoodbeard @comfortcharactercraze @lma1986 @plutonikchaos1 @spicywhenspeaking @lyschko666 @somewhere-diamond @hi-fancy-seeing-you-here @koskeepsake @bngurngheart

NOAH

My knee bounced with nerves as I sat in the chair in the quiet waiting room, the only noise came from the slow ticking of the clock on the wall opposite of me. I eyed it carefully as the seconds ticked by. My appointment didn’t start for another five minutes. I still had time to walk away from here but the daunting reality of the guys asking how it went today kept me rooted in place. So instead of dwelling on the fear of what’s coming, I typed out a new message on the Hollow Omens group chat.

Me: The new song premieres on Octane tomorrow night. Eight pm!

Malcolm: Oh shiit

Jolly: let’s fucking go! We’re excited for you guys to hear it.

Angel 🪽: excitement is so mother fucking real. I’m sad I’ll still be in Japan so I’ll have to figure out what time that would be here! I want to listen to it live.

My stomach dropped as all the wind got knocked out of me, the realization that Y/N would hear the song. The one I wrote about her in my haste of anger. Would she know it? What would she think?

Y/N had another week in Japan and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss her like fucking crazy. She’d already been gone a week so another seven days without her close to me made my heart stutter. I’d been taking care of Salem for her and the scent of her in her bedroom didn’t help the ache in my heart and stomach. I miss the way she smelled so when I noticed her perfume on her vanity; I spritzed the sweater I wore that day a couple of times, so it felt like she was close.

We kept our 2:30 FaceTime call every day since she left, even if it only lasted a few minutes. Just the occasional check-up on how things were going on each of our ends before she had to go, her dad having something planned for them. I called her every morning at 7:30, except this morning since I overslept. I was furious with myself but kept my cool as I sent her a text, letting her know I’d call her at 2:30 my time.

Angel 🪽: I’ll be in bed so don’t make fun of my bedhead.

Me: You’ll still look beautiful.

The corner of my lip turned up when I remembered the selfie I sent her the other day of Salem and I lounging on the floor of her bedroom.

Angel 🪽: oh, my baby! I miss you so much.

Angel 🪽: Oh, you too mochi!

Me: ouch, I’m hurt, angel.

Angel 🪽: I’ll make it up to you when you take me out for dinner. We can go half and half on an appetizer.

Me: For you? I’ll cover the whole bill while you order whatever you want.

Two days ago, Chase and Malcolm returned home so there was no need for me to check on Salem anymore. We expected Y/N to come back with them but she stayed longer for more one-on-one time with her dad.

“Noah?”

Snapping my eyes up to the petite voice, I nodded towards the older lady who stood at the open doorway of the office.

“I’m ready whenever you are,” she stepped to the side, allowing more space for me to walk inside.

I chewed on the inside of my cheek as my eyes cast towards the other door; the one that led outside where my car was parked.

“I hate to tell you this but even if you leave right now, I’ll still get paid,” the doctor joked with a small smile.

I hummed while slowly rising to my feet and walking past her into the office, the words on the door barely catching my attention. “Might as well get this over with.”

Dr. Poulos. Therapist.

NOAH

“Are you concerned she’ll be upset by what you’ve written?” Dr. Polous wondered while writing something down in the book on her lap.

I shrugged while chipping away the black nail polish on my fingernails. “Maybe.”

“Hm, I’m sensing you are.”

For the last twenty minutes, I told the therapist everything about my life; from the past till now. At first, I was apprehensive but knowing this was something I needed, I gave in.

“It doesn't matter. What happened is in the past. We’ve moved on.”

“Why are you using the past tense, Noah? She’s in your life. You’re starting over again, and trying things from a different approach.” Dr. Poulos steepled her fingers together.

“Yeah, I know,” I nodded

She hummed while sitting there to analyze me with her blue eyes, a slight pull on her thin lips.

“Y/N’S on a vacation, right?”

When I nodded, she continued. “Why don’t you take one as well? It might be good for you.”

I shifted on my spot on the couch, eyes darting over to the plant she had on the left side of her dresser. A bit fuzzy because of the connection between phone lines.

“I don’t need a vacation, that’s not what I do- I work. I have too much to do, so much shit to handle. Everything would fall apart if I didn’t,” I admitted. “It keeps my mind focused on what it needs to be focused on.”

Dr. Poulos raised a brow. “What shouldn’t you be focusing on?”

“I hate how much of my mind gets fucking distracted by her. It’s fuckin pathetic, all I see is a life I doubt we’ll ever have. Everything will be taken from me, I’m used to that by now,” I sighed while running a hand over my face.

“Your need to control everything is leaving you vulnerable to the parts of your life you can’t control. It makes you feel uncomfortable not being able to read her feelings, and control the situation, doesn’t it?”

My eyes snapped up from the floor, shoulders rigid with anger. “What do you think? I’ve never known the feeling of a stable home. There were so many years of my life living out of backpacks and on the road. I have these panic attacks, something she hasn’t seen, she doesn’t know about my darkness. She’ll never come back to me if she sees that.”

Dr. Poulos sighed while closing her notebook to set it on the table in between us. “You don’t know that, Noah. Unless you talk to her, you don’t know what she’ll think. Your issue with communication and feelings is, I think, causing a barrier between the two of you. You would rather live in your fantasies than risk giving up control. You wanted to give up control, even for a moment, and run. Are you upset you didn’t?”

I rubbed at my chin while adjusting my position on the worn leather couch. I didn’t know how to answer that so it took a few long beats of silence for me to find the right words.

“Fantasies don’t include repercussions. We were safe in our expressive, well-appointed studios, locked up with our rages and rebellions. I just want things to go the way they’re supposed to, the way I need them to. There’s no life without my band, my work, without her.”

Dr. Poulos smiled. “You don’t need to run from those feelings Noah, I think you need to start by opening up and letting yourself be truly honest. From the get-go, you’re only making yourself crazy running in circles, pushing your own limits.”

I couldn't help but snicker. “Are you sure you haven’t listened to my band before?”

She simply smirked while pulling out her schedule book.

“I’ll see what I can do,” I said, going back to her previous statement.

“It won’t be easy Noah, but I think we can start from here. What days work best for you?”

I mentally went through my schedule. “Wednesdays are fine. Just not at 2:30. I have another appointment I can't miss.”

NOAH

Music played from the speakers, bass pounding against the walls of the house, as I sat with Jolly and Michael on either side of me on the couch. It was still early in the afternoon so we hung out at the house. Jesse and Orie were cooking something on the grill while the three of us were browsing on our phones. My eyes were glued straight down at mine, my heart hammering throughout my body as my breath was still caught in my throat. My cock twitched lightly in my pants but I was frozen to adjust myself discreetly.

“How sweet does Y/N look in this photo?” Michael said while showing his phone to Jolly, who agreed with a small smile.

“Looks like she’s having fun. Noah, did you see it?”

I’d been staring at it for 5 minutes. Everything about it was beautiful. She was truly just as ethereal, as I said she was.

“I wonder if her caption is for a song,” Michael continued to analyze the picture, a little too long for my liking.

Realizing I didn’t even read the caption, I peered down and read it; my head tilted in confusion.

Fuck this wondering. Fuck this trying and trying. Fuck this belief that two people can become one ideal. Fuck this helplessness. Fuck this waiting for something to happen that probably won’t ever happen.

I knew it wasn’t good enough, no matter what I did, or how much I attempted to show her I was the man she needed. She didn’t want to feel trapped under someone’s gaze. Well, okay then.

Tossing my phone on the couch, I got up in a huff, irritated, walked to the kitchen, and slammed the cabinets as I looked for a glass.

“What’s the matter now?” Jolly asked with a sigh.

“Nothing,” I said while pouring myself some orange juice, slamming the fridge after putting the jug back.

“Who the fuck is slamming shit?” Jesse wondered while walking back inside with a platter of burgers and brats and setting it on the kitchen counter.

“Dude, it’s nothing.” I sucked in a breath, trying to keep my anger in check.

“Your actions beseech you, my friend, why are you mad?” Orie said now standing next to Jesse.

I shrugged while crossing my arms over my chest. “I’m just done,”

“Done with what?”

“Y/N feels trapped, Jolly! I knew she’d never fall back in with me. I knew it. She probably met some Japanese dude who can give her real ramen and is having the time of her fucking life. Maybe that’s why she hasn’t come home yet.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Jesse pinched his eyes in annoyance. “Noah, it’s not that deep. Nowhere in her post does it say that or imply that she’s seeing another man. Y/N is with her dad.”

“All I’m saying is she doesn’t need to be trapped under my gaze anymore, she can do whatever the fuck she wants,” I grumbled while sitting on top of the kitchen counter, legs dangling off the edge.

“You’re so dramatic. You can literally just ask to FaceTime her you know, talk this shit out like rational adults,” Orie said.

“No,” my voice was firm while my heart said something else.

It was almost 2 in the afternoon, which meant our daily FaceTime call would happen soon. Should I bring up the post to Y/N? Or just ignore it like we did every other elephant in the room.

“Good, good hide your feelings. Don't actually share them- see where that gets you.” Jolly shook his head in defeat then rose to his feet.

“We’re writing a record, aren’t we?” I shot back.

“Yeah that don’t mean-”

“Wait, sit down jolly. I just thought of another track. We need to write this down.”

With a reluctant sigh, Jolly pulled out his phone to type as I sang softly the melody that was buzzing in my brain.

“I asked for more than I could take with nothing left to give. So who, who, who, who are you, you? Who, who, who are you? Every day it’s all the same. I don’t wanna play your games. If you wanna know, it depends on who’s asking. Who, who are you?”

“You really are a head case you know,” Michael says before retreating up the stairs to his room.

“Good, don’t care!” I called back before jumping off the counter. “Shit, we need a new amp tuner! I’m going to head to the record store and get a new one.”

“You can use mine,” Jesse said with a mouth full of cheeseburger.

This mother fucker is always munching on something.

“No, it’s fine, I need to clear my head, anyway. I’ll be back soon.”

NOAH

I held my phone in my hand, the constant ringing as I walked towards the record store irritating my already on-edge attitude. It was 2:35 and the second time I tried calling Y/N with no answer. I tried to tell myself that she even said she would miss a few calls, but she hasn’t yet. A week away and we still made our 2:30 FaceTime calls.

Something still didn’t add up.

With an agitated groan, I stuffed my phone back into my pocket while I hummed a new tune to myself, the words rolling off my tongue with ease.

“You’re too good to be true, yeah I gotta go, gotta run You don’t want me the way I want you, no. You walked too close to the rails; I picked you up when you fell.”

As I walked into the record store, a loud bell sounded my presence, and a brunette lifted her head from the front desk to give me a small smile. “Hi, welcome in.”

Her eyes shined as her face twitched, the typical holy shit, I know that person's face that I always recognized when I went out in public.

“Hi,” I waved before walking over to the front desk, her eyes getting larger the closer I got. “How are you?”

“Go-good,” she stood straighter. “I’m sorry, I’m a little star-struck right now.”

I chuckled. “You’re fine. How long have you been a fan?”

She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “For the last few months. I saw you guys play with Hollow Souls this last tour.”

My face twitched at the mention of Y/N’s band but kept my composure.

“You know, Y/N’s a huge inspiration for me. Just how she dealt with everything with Trey. It’s amazing how she overcame that relationship.”

I went stiff but slack at the same time. “How do you know about that?”

The girl shrugged. “It’s all over the internet. Reddit has some pretty insane stories about the breakup. Some say Trey was cheating with underage girls while some say she cheated on him but I don’t believe that. She’s not that kind of person.”

“Um,” I rubbed at my chin, desperate to change the subject. “Can you show me where your tuners are?”

She nodded and motioned for me to follow her to the back of the store. We spent the next few minutes talking about the different kinds they had, even though I was familiar with it all, but having a conversation with someone who didn’t judge me or my actions was nice. For the first time in a long time, Y/N was at the back of my mind.

“So,” I peered down at the nametag on her shirt. “Bailey.”

Her cheeks reddened as her lips curled up. “I’d never thought I’d hear Noah Sebastian say my name.”

I chuckled, enjoying how easy it was to talk to her. “What’s your favorite song of ours?”

“It’s not a song but more so a verse off your self-entitled album; My pretty little face with all the right parts. My pretty little face I couldn’t keep from the dark, I learned from the best as my sorrows grew. And then they pulled me out after I introduced them to you.”

“You liked that?,” I asked, almost astonished.

Bailey smiled as she stared up at me, a soft expression on her face.“Yeah, it was deep, like you said you’re perfect on the surface but deep inside you’re flawed, like anyone else. But didn’t notice until the person who hurt you pulled them out.”

When my eyes widened, she quickly stammered over her words.“I’m sorry if that was a wrong assumption, it’s just how I saw it.”

“No, no,” I spoke quickly while running a hand through my hair. “That’s-that’s pretty close. I’m glad it has meaning to you, in that way. That’s special.”

“A lot of your lyrics make me feel that way,” she admitted sheepishly.

“Well, I hope the next record does the same.”

Bailey's brows raised to her hairline. “You’re already working on the next one?”

“Most of it is in the early stages. We’re about to release our first single tomorrow night; octane at eight. Make sure you’re ready.”

“There’s no such thing as ready,” she says. “There’s only willing.”

My jaw went slack for a few seconds until I let out a low cough to make my feelings. Her words had a different meaning than what I was thinking but it still sat deep low in my stomach; the comment kept replaying in my mind.

“What are you doing later?” I blurted before I could stop myself.

“Later?” Bailey raised a brow.

“Yeah, maybe grab some food and talk?”

“I don’t know,” she shifted on her feet to tuck another piece of hair behind her ear.

It was a simple action that reminded me of Y/N. Except it was something that made my heart flutter when she did it. With Bailey, nothing. My heart rate was slow, almost even, and there were none of those butterflies there.

“Are you- are you sure?”

Bailey’s voice brought me away from thoughts of Y/N and how she didn’t answer my call or any of the texts I sent her earlier.

I shrugged. “Well, I asked you, didn’t I?”

NOAH

Walking through the front door, guilt weighed down my heart. Jolly and Jesse were sitting on the couch watching a movie and they raised brows at me.

“You’re back late,” Jolly noted.

“Yeah, I uh- I went out with a girl tonight.” I stopped at the first step, hand gripping the railing.

“I’m sorry?” Jesse nearly dropped the bowl of popcorn. “Who?”

I sighed while turning more towards them while on the stairs. “The cashier at the record shop was nice, and we hung out. We went to Applebee’s and went half and half on an appetizer.”

“Wait- what about Y/N?” Jolly asked.

I snickered, eyes narrowing. “Y/N won’t mind, trust me.”

Anger still pooled low in my stomach because before walking into the house, I sent another text to Y/N to ask how everything was going.

Nothing.

Silence.

Kept me on read.

Message loud and fucking clear, angel.

“Noah, do you not remember what we discussed in the kitchen this morning?” Jolly said, raising his voice a bit, unusual for him. “What the hell, dude?”

Jesse tossed a handful of popcorn in his mouth. “You can’t tell a girl you’ll wait for her then go out with someone else.”

“It’s nothing serious,” I scratched my face. “I hung out with this girl. That’s all.”

“Noah-,” Jolly started.

I motioned upstairs, ready to change the subject. “Hey, Chase and Malcolm want to play Fallout. Are you in?”

“Yeah, I guess,” he sighed.

MALCOLM

“Hey, sweets. How are you feeling?” Chase asked into the phone that lay between us on our bed.

“I’m alright,” Y/N’s tired voice came through the speaker. “I spent the entire day sleeping. My dad had a full day planned for our last day together but I couldn’t get out of bed. I feel like shit.”

I gave a small smile even though she couldn’t see. “He understands, Y/N. Your dad isn’t going to be upset.”

There was a long beat of silence. “Before he dropped me off at the airport, we had a heart-to-heart today. About everything, about Noah.”

I shared a look with Chase. “What about Noah?”

“I’m ready, guys. Noah’s been so patient with waiting for me to go through these feelings and trauma. I thought being with him would deter me from healing but he’s actually what I need to heal.”

“You sure, buttercup? Don’t take this the wrong way, we’re happy that you’re finally at a good place mentally and that you want to jump into this with Noah. But we want to make sure that you’re sure.”

“It’s Noah,” there wasn’t a hint of hesitation in her voice. “I’d never been more sure about anything like this before.”

Chase smiled a little as we linked our hands together. Both of us were so proud of how far Y/N came within the last few months. When she first moved in with us, there was a dark point in all our lives we didn’t know if she would make it past the pain of what she did to Noah; even though it wasn’t completely her fault.

“We’re proud of you, Y/N,” Chase said.

“I love you guys. I feel like I don’t say that enough. Every single bad thing in my life, the two of you have been by my side.”

We could hear the tears in her voice.

“We love you too, sweets.”

We chatted for a few more minutes, making plans for when she returned to the States before her flight home was called. We weren’t able to pick her up when her flight landed so we dropped her car off earlier at the airport so she could drive herself back.

As soon as we hung up, a noise came from my computer, an invitation on Twitch.

“You sure you don’t want to play with us?” I asked Chase while I set up at my desk.

Chase nodded. “I’m fine with watching you play.”

“What’s up, fuckers,” I snorted into my microphone as I loaded up into the game with Noah.

Jolly was there as well but only Noah was listening to me.

“Hey guys.”

I glanced over to Chase when we heard the somber voice of Noah.

“What’s wrong with you, Sebastian?” Chase asked.

“It’s been a long day,” he sighed.

For the next half hour, I played with Noah and Jolly, with Chase watching, and we all joked about random shit but Noah was quiet for most of the time. Something was off with him and as the last match ended, I was ready to get off the game until Noah’s words gave us pause.

“I went out on a date tonight.”

Chase stiffened next to me as I fell back to my chair with my heart-stopping. “I know I’m colorblind but I’m not deaf. What did you just say?”

“No, you’re not,” Chase playfully smacked my chest.

Noah let out a deep breath. “I’m seeing somebody- I can’t, I - she doesn’t want me how I want her.”

Although he never said her name, we knew exactly who he was walking about.

“That’s not true, Noah, you know it’s not. She does. She’s just-.” I said.

“Look, please don’t start this shit right now. I just need to attempt to move on, at least.”

I quickly put my microphone on my mute and then turned my chair towards Chase.

“What the fuck?” I said with an exasperated breath.

“I don’t understand, this isn’t making sense,” He ran a hand over his buzzed head, something he always did when something bothered him. “Should we tell him about her dad and the song?”

“No, 'cause she’ll be pissed.”

“You don’t think she’ll be more mad now? Noah went on a fucking date tonight,” Chase seethed.

I pushed my auburn curls away from my face. “Man, I don’t know. It almost feels like it’s not our place to get involved but it’s-.”

“Y/N,” Chase finished my sentence.

“We need to give her a heads up, just end this tension bullshit. They have to talk,” I sighed.

“She can’t get upset,” Noah’s voice brought us back to the conversation, and I unmuted my microphone.

“Who can’t get upset?” I asked.

“Y/N, she can’t get upset. She ignored me all day after that post on Instagram.”

Chase scoffed. “What the fuck, dude. What does that have to do with you going on a date?”

“I tried to call her, it was 2:30! No answer.”

The way that Noah was speaking clarified that there were underlying feelings behind his actions but of course, wouldn’t tell anyone about it.

“You want to fucking know why she didn’t call you?” Chase sat forward, elbows on his knees and veins in his neck twitching. “News flash, Noah, the world just doesn’t stop when you don’t get attention.”

“Excuse me?”

I could see the darkness take over Chase’s usual bright eyes and knew what he was about to say. I shook my head. “Chase no, it’s not-.”

“No, fuck this soap opera shit. Y/N passed out at 2:30, she has been all fucking day. She was in pain you, idiot.”

A long beat of silence. “What do you mean?”

“Chase-,” I tried again.

This wasn't our business to tell. This should have been something Y/N and Noah talked about privately.

Chase ignored me as his knee bounced with anger. “No, I’m tired of this nonsense. Y/N has endometriosis you ass!”

More silence, only this time you could hear the background noise coming from Noah’s mic clear as day; voices.

“Wait-she told me she deals with something that takes a lot out of her every month. That’s it?”

“Yeah,” I sighed. “Stage Three. It’s a disease in which tissue similar to the lining of the uterus grows outside of the uterus. Every month when she has her period, the pain is worse than normal because of this. Hence today all she did was sleep. She wasn’t ignoring you, Noah. She was just asleep.”

“It's serious. She’s been dealing with this for years and she’ll continue to deal with it for the rest of her life,” Chase said.

“If it wasn’t for the surgery, it could have been worse,” I informed next.

“Wait, what surgery? When?,” Noah asked with pure confusion in his voice.

Chase bit the inside of his cheek. “It was a few years ago before Hollow Souls took off. It’s called a laparoscopy.”

“She had a what? I don’t know what the fuck that is?”

I repeated the word for Noah but his agitation was clear in his next words.

“A lapara-parascopy”

“Bro, sound it out, lapar-o-scopy,” Chase gave a light chuckle, given how tense the conversation got.

“Yeah still don’t know what the fuck that is, is she alright? Is she-.”

Chase and I shared a look, knowing there’s a lot more we can go on about this but also knowing that we’ve said all we could say.

“Like Malcolm said, Endometriosis comes with pain and inflammation, and she can pass out from the pain. Y/N gets sick a lot-you have to do your own research on this, Noah. But you also need to know, it’s not all about you,” Chase said with a shake of his head.

“Why can’t she just tell me that?”

“She wants to, trust us. We know-.”

Noah’s voice cut me off. “I know you know her, but you don’t know what feelings she has. I can’t keep falling for this every time.”

“Noah. come on you’re so stubborn! What happened to waiting?” I shot back with an edge to my voice.

I rarely ever lost my patience but right now with how stubborn Noah was being, I couldn’t help but scoff.

“Never said I wasn’t, but I need to move forward too until she speaks to me herself about this. What else can I do?”

“Noah, she loves you, man. She fucking loves you.”

“If that’s true she would tell me, Malcolm, this shit fucking hurts enough. I’ve got to go, I’ll talk to you guys later.”

Before we could even say goodbye, Noah exited our chat that we used to play video games, leaving just the buzz of dead air playing back on my speakers.

NOAH

Stage 3 of endometriosis is considered moderate.

Endometriosis itself is not a fatal condition. However, experts associate endometriosis with some potentially life-threatening conditions, such as ectopic pregnancy and depression.

There are two types of endometriosis surgery: excision and ablation. Both are laparoscopic, meaning the surgeon makes tiny holes in the patient’s skin and can enter through those holes to perform the surgery, rather than needing to make large incisions. Ablation uses heat to destroy tissue, while excision uses heat to remove it. Ablation can only remove tissue on the surface, while excision can dig deeper to remove all of it.

“Oh Angel baby,” I sighed while dropping my pen on the piece of paper I’d been writing on for the last thirty minutes.

With both hands dragging down my face, I let out another deep sigh before scrolling through another article.

The most common symptom of endometriosis is pelvic and lower back pain, especially during the menstrual period. Rather than the cramping that many women experience during their periods, women with endometriosis often experience severe pain that can be difficult to manage. Other symptoms include pain during intercourse, pain with urination or bowel movements, heavy bleeding during periods, bleeding between periods, fatigue, and infertility.

A small gasp left my lips when I remembered back to that night we shared. The pained expression as I hovered over her until we switched positions then the blood on the condom.

Fuck, infertility. That’s why she freaked when I mentioned a family.

Deciding I had enough research for one night, I called out for Jolly and Jesse.

“Everything alright?” Jesse asked a moment later, followed by Jolly.

The two of them sat on the edge of my bed while I continued to sit on my computer chair, slowly rocking back and forth.

“I-um-I just found out something about Y/N. Might explain why she left that night,” I said while handing them the notepad of paper that I was using for my notes.

Both of them read through it, Jesse sucking in a breath while Jolly let his shoulders fall and took a deep breath.

“Shit,” Jesse said.

Jolly, however, gave me a look. One I knew all too well.

“You fucking knew,” I accused while leaning forward in my chair.

“Not what she was going through. Nick wanted to tell me but-.”

“Wait,” I shook my head in disbelief. “Nick knew?”

I didn’t give Jolly time to explain because I quickly dialed Nick’s number and put the call on speaker while it rang.

“Yellow?” Nick answered on the third ring.

I rolled my eyes. “First of all, don’t answer the phone like that. You know I hate it.”

“Exactly why I do it. What's up?”

“You knew, I fucking know you knew,” I seethed.

There was a very long moment of silence from Nick’s end before a tired breath sounded. “Noah-.”

“No! Why did you fucking help them lie to me? You had me believing I did some shit for months! You all knew what her issue was and you just let me sit here in the dark over it?”

I rose from my chair and paced my room as the anger intensified. For months, they made me think I was the problem; it was my fault that Y/N walked away.

“It wasn’t our place to bring it up, Noah,” Jolly said.

“Y/N should have just been honest upfront about it,” Nick spoke next.

“Clearly she was scared! Read this shit!,” I pointed to the notepad. “She goes through that every month. And not one of you told me. I could have faced her anger later. Fuck, man.”

A shaky breath fell from my lips as I ran a hand over my chin, trying to control the way my heart raced and pulse quickened.

“It’s not too late, Noah,” Jesse reminded me.

“It is because I certainly don’t know how she feels; not now,” I said reminding them about the Instagram post this morning.

Jolly pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. “Not this again. It was a post, Noah!”

“Whatever, I’m not dealing with this right now, just know I fucking know you knew and it’s irritating,” I told Nick on the phone.

“But now that you know, does it change how you feel?”

As I opened my mouth to answer, the phone buzzed in my hand and my heart rate now doubled, thinking it was Y/N.

Unknown: had an awesome time with you! 💕 so glad we’re trying this.

Fuck.

My heart sank to the depths of my insides realizing that the text message wasn’t from Y/N.

“It doesn’t matter now,” I answered Nick’s question with a defeated sigh.

CHASE

Malcolm paced the entire length of our bedroom with his hands on his hips. His auburn hair fell around his shoulders in curly waves and if it was any other situation, I would marvel at how gorgeous he looked.

“Mal, you need to calm down. You’re going to burn a hole in the floor,” I tried to reach for his hand but he sped past me.

His emerald eyes burned. “He’s dating someone. Can you believe that? After all that bullshit about waiting for her. The second she’s ready, he moves on?”

“We don’t know that they’re dating. Noah said they went out on one date, it doesn’t mean anything.”

Malcolm sighed before falling onto the bed next to me. It was nearing eight in the evening. Y/N’s flight would land any minute and we were patiently waiting for her to return home.

“Are we going to listen to their song?” Malcolm asked.

I rubbed his knee. “They’re still our friends, Mal. We need to support them.”

Eventually, he nodded before resting his hand over mine. “We need to warn, Y/N. I don’t want her to be blindsided by this news or find out about it from someone else.”

I agreed and pulled out my phone, quickly typing a message out to Y/N.

Chase: sweets, we need to talk to you. Call us when you can.

Sweets: I have pretty shitty service where I’m at. What’s up?

Malcolm and I shared a look, neither of us wanting to tell her over text but knew that it would be better if she found out from one of us. The words almost burned on my fingers as I typed them.

Chase: Noah went out on a date. He’s seeing someone.

Read 9:30 pm.

Chase: sweets??

Read 9:43 pm.

After almost twenty-five minutes with no response from Y/N, I tried calling her twice which only went straight to voicemail. Malcolm pulled out his phone so he could pull up her location. The three of us always shared our location, in cases of times like this.

“Fuck,” he cursed.

“What?” I asked, heart pounding hard against my chest as I peered over his shoulder to look at his phone.

Immediately, we recognized where Y/N was; her avatar on the map unmoving and staying in the same spot for the last half an hour.

Chase: Y/N, please let me know you’re okay.

“What do you think she’s doing there?” I asked.

Malcolm rested his head in his hands. “I don’t know, babe. But whatever the reason, shit’s changed now. It can’t be good.”

We sat in silence for another long few minutes, my hand rubbing soothing circles on Malcolm’s back in a way to keep him calm. I was about ready to text Jolly when Malcolm’s phone rang.

“Buttercup, where are you?” He rushed out once he saw the caller ID.

There was silence on the other end until a broken, destroyed voice sobbed into the phone.

“I fucked up, guys.”

[bunnysbrainrot]

No Vacancy - Day Two

Characters: Sam Winchester x fem!Reader, Dean, Castiel

Content: Majorly plot building. Romantic/sexual tension.

Summary: In day two of your one-on-one case with Sam, you gather intel together. Once things settle down for the second night, Dean reveals some news. Sam realizes he’s made a huge mistake involving a lust spell.

*A/N: This chapter was getting a bit long, and I haven’t posted in a couple days, so this chapter is out early! Honestly I like the pacing of this a bit better so I don’t burn out. Y’all better be ready for the next chapter ��

————

“Mrs. O’Connor, would you say that your daughter had any enemies? Anyone who would want to cause her harm?” Sam’s tone was filled with compassion as the woman explained the situation.

Her lips wobbled, “I-I don’t know. Casey was a sweet girl, she just got caught up in the wrong crowd, that’s all.”

“Did you see any changes in her behavior in these past few weeks?” You piped up, matching the softness of Sam’s voice.

Casey’s mother shook her head, tears streaming down her cheeks. You reached into the inner pocket of your suit jacket, handing her a pack of tissues. She gives you thanks and takes a moment before she speaks again.

“Not much. She was quieter, sure, but I thought, y’know, maybe she was depressed - she spent almost all of her time in her room. We were so close, and she just… distanced herself.”

“How so?” Sam asked.

Through tears, her voice broke, “Her whole demeanor changed, got… darker. She wouldn’t let me into her room anymore. That was where we had our movie nights…”

You nodded as you listened, glancing to Sam for a sign of a breakthrough, but his expression was muddled. A few moments later you were handing your personal number to Casey’s mother, and wishing her a good day.

Sam asked, “So, what do you think?”

“I think we should check her room, but we need to give her mom some time,” you replied, mulling over what could have caused Casey’s murder.

Your phone buzzed against your hand in your pocket. To your relief you saw a text from Casey’s mother: Thank you for your help. I’m glad Casey has people who care like you do.

You showed Sam the message. His eyebrows furrowed in thought.

“What do I say back?”

“Well, we need to mention looking at Casey’s room,” Sam detailed, “and that we’re happy to help further.”

Your fingers fiddled with your phone as you issued a reply.

Of course. I’m sure the police have done so already, but we were given instruction to inspect Casey’s room. Would you mind letting us look around later today?

The reply was swift: Yes, that's fine. I'll be home later this evening, 7 p.m. would be the best time.

Stuffing your phone back into your pocket, you updated Sam.

"She says we can come back at 7 tonight. Until then, we should probably look over the police report and see who might know what happened to her."

Sam nodded, "We'll head back to the motel and look into it."

The motel. The goddamn motel where you and Sam blurred the lines of your friendship. With any luck, he wouldn't mention anything of last night, or this morning.

It was the way it felt so normal to wake up with him, to be enveloped in his arms, his scent, his soft breathing before he woke. It was a one-time thing that wouldn't, and couldn't, happen again. It was a vow - a guarantee to yourself that you wouldn't slip up like before. You reminded yourself on loop until you reached the motel again.

—

Twenty minutes later, and you were still staring at your computer screen. The thoughts couldn't flow like they normally did with your research. Vague searches covered the screen, but nothing constructive.

'Casey O'Connor family' 'Casey O'Connor facebook' 'Casey O'Connor instagram' 'Casey O'Connor death’

The tension you held in the pit of your stomach turned over itself when Sam cleared his throat.

"Find anything yet?"

Your breath hitched in your throat. Maybe Sam hadn't given things much thought after all. His tone was his usual curious self, but those bright hazel eyes swallowed you whole.

"Uh- no, not yet," you stammered, "I was, um, gonna take a pause and go to the lobby. About the... room situation."

Sam's lips thinned into a terse smile. For him, he didn't care one bit if there was another room available. He watched you leave the room, cursing himself all the while you were gone. You returned with a nervous smile, sparking a hidden hope in Sam's chest.

"Still no other rooms. And no cots, either."

It was Sam's turn to remind himself that last night crossed a boundary. All he'd thought about today was you, regardless of how hard he tried to reroute his thoughts. The way you'd buried your head into his chest, how you murmured in your sleep, how delicate your body felt in his hands...

He snapped himself out of it again, muttering to himself.

"What'd you say?" You raised an eyebrow at him.

He shook his head, "Nothing, I'm just mumbling to myself."

You let out a soft laugh, taking a seat on the bed. The ache in your shoulders reminded you of the consequences of sitting hunched over on the floor.

"The least they could've done was give us a desk or something."

"That's what you get in a small town, remember?" Sam quipped, that goofy grin back in action. You rolled your eyes at him and settled into your side of the bed, laptop open across your lap again.

Sam leaned over to you, staring at your screen. Well, you weren't lying when you said things on your end weren't interesting. You turned your head, watching him scour the Google search you haphazardly thought up.

"I... didn't really know what to look up," you admitted flatly.

He let out a breathy laugh, glancing sidelong at you. Those damn eyes. Part of you dared to close the inches between you, to brush your lips against his as if it were nothing. One wrong move, and you could risk everything you'd made with him. You surveyed his parted lips, suddenly pulled back up to his gaze when he cleared his throat. You shook yourself out of your trance and gave him a muttered apology before he took your laptop.

Within seconds he found something substantial - report cards from school, Facebook posts, tagged photos on Instagram.

"How'd you do that?" You asked.

Sam pushed himself beside you to give you a better angle at the screen, "First thing you gotta do is have the full name. Otherwise, you're flooding your search with 'Casey O'Connor's' from all over the country."

His arm brushed against yours, but he didn't pull away. Instead he rested fully against you as his fingers flew over the keys, opening page after page of information. You chose to let go and ease into him, head dropped to his shoulder as you watched. Sam's fingers stalled more than usual with you now relaxed against him. It was his turn for his thoughts to escape him.

"So, um," you piped up, "what are we looking for?"

He cleared his throat, "Changes in behavior, maybe in stuff that she posted, grades dropping, anything that seems like a red flag."

Casey's most recent posts to Instagram caught your eye. After explaining your gut feeling to Sam, the both of you kept mental note that perhaps Casey did get involved with something sinister.

—

The two of you had gotten lunch, lazed about town, and stoped by Casey’s school by the time 7 pm rolled around. At the O’Connor house, you kept downstairs to talk with the family, while Sam searched Casey’s bedroom. It took about 30 minutes, and you two were on your way.

“What’d you find?”

Sam handed you his phone, the photos organized into a neat folder. You inspected each image, taking stock in each sign - herbs scattered around, countless candles, and bottles of dark liquid.

“Is that..?”

“Blood, yeah. Almost didn’t see them; one rolled out of the closet. And if you see here,” he trailed on, scrolling to another photo, “seems like a pretty intricate altar in there.”

“Figures why she wouldn’t want her mom in the room,” you added.

You handed the phone back to Sam, fighting back a shiver when his hand grazed yours.

Perhaps he noticed, too, judging by the way his cheeks blushed. In the evening sun, it was barely noticeable but you were almost certain of it. You packed yourselves into the car and drove back to the motel. You rummaged through your duffel bag the moment you stepped in the door, picking out a new outfit for bed. Sam kicked off his dress shoes and shrugged off his suit jacket.

“Bedtime already, huh?” Sam teased. You turned to him and smiled.

“Just wanna get cozy. Makes doing research much easier.”

Sam shrugged, “Not a bad idea, I’ll probably do the same when you’re done. Need to get out of this damn suit.”

—

The time on your computer screen read 11:43 p.m., meaning you and Sam had been continuing your research for at least two hours. It had taken a toll of you both, with eyes dry and shoulders aching. You rested your tired eyes and felt the pull of exhaustion start to take over.

Until Sam’s phone rang - it was Dean. Sam immediately placed his brother on speakerphone.

“How’s the lovely couple?” Dean asked. He wasn’t in the room, but you could tell he was smiling - a shit eating grin that irritated you as much as his brother.

“Very funny, Dean,” Sam replied smoothly, a twitch in his eyebrow showed his annoyance. “How are things going on your end?”

Castiel muttered in the background of the phone call. Dean stuttered over his words as he told Cas to stop interfering.

“Okay, so we did a little searching on Casey. I mean, well, Cas did most of it. Turns out, our lovely Miss O’Connor had gotten involved with magic.”

Sam’s eyes snapped to yours, then to his laptop where he had stored photos of Casey’s bedroom. As you two listened to Dean the dots connected to make a full picture.

It was Castiel’s voice that piped up next, “We have reason to believe that Casey was involved with something dark. It doesn’t look like your average witchcraft. We’re talking about more forceful magic - breaking and creating soulmate contracts.”

He continued, “Those kind of bonds, soulmates, are meant to take time. It seems that Casey’s spells were focused on peoples driving emotions. Feelings like fear, insecurity, lust, and mania. Anything that could make people act out, it’s been happening in her social circle.”

“So, basically she’s playing Cupid?” you offered.

“Exactly,” Dean confirmed, interrupting Cas, “we broke some of the spells, but it seems like Casey did all of her little projects at home. Hell, she sent the spells to her friends in the mail. Who knew you could Amazon Prime some witchcraft.”

You chuckled at the joke, rolling your eyes. Sam smiled at you with relief that this whole situation had blown over.

“So, what’s next?” you prodded.

“If you two didn’t see any weird hoodoo at Casey’s house, then everything should be all settled.”

Sam furrowed his brows, “But Casey was murdered, how did she die, then?”

Dean replied, “That’s the karma of it. Casey planted a sachet on her boyfriend - love spell gone haywire. He eventually went a little too love-crazy, and ended up killing her. Jealousy was the source of it.” His tone has grown sullen with the final piece of news.

Now with the extra details, you didn’t know how to feel. What happened to Casey had been horrible, and it had worked itself out in the end. It was the part of hunting that never settled well with you. Sometimes, you simply couldn’t save everyone.

“Got it. So we’ll head back out tomorrow to meet you at the bunker, yeah?” Sam confirmed.

Dean’s tone changed to playfulness again, “Actually, I need y’all to check out a case the next town over. Mind camping out a couple more nights?”

It seemed Dean’s request was a final verdict based on the way Sam pursed his lips.

“Yeah, no problem, talk to you later,” Sam ended the call. He threw his phone onto the bed and closed his laptop.

“You alright?” You asked him. Sam let out a soft sigh and looked toward his suit jacket by the door.

“I think I might’ve screwed up.”

You did a double take, “What do you mean? Dean and Cas figured it out.”

He raced over to the jacket, fishing through the pockets until he plucked a small bundle. Your expression dropped completely at the sachet in his palm. Sam returned to your side and let you examine it - a small brown sack you assumed held herbs, oils, and then some. The sigils across the fabric stumped you; they were nothing like you’d ever seen before.

“What is this, Sam?”

“One of her spells,” he said, defeated, “I wanted to examine it, to see if someone planted something on her. That was before we knew that Casey was the witch.”

“Okay, so, what kind of spell is it?” you asked further.

Sam reopened his laptop, silent as he furiously typed away. Image after image splayed onto the screen - the realization came over the two of you at once.

“Lust.”

He coughed at the word, unable to choose his next move. Sam leaned back and let his head thump against the wall.

“Can’t we just…. burn it? Toss it out?”

With bated breath you waited for Sam to say something, anything. Instead he just shook his head.

“By now I’ve had it on me for hours. We’re kind of past the point of burning it.”

“Okay, but the spells only work on feelings that are already there, right? It wouldn’t work unless you’re with someone you wanted to, um… you know.”

Sam’s breathing quickened with each passing second. His words came out with an overwhelming shakiness.

“It’s a little late for that.”

Hi again! Thanks so much for supporting my work, the next chapter will be out in the next couple of days!

- Bunny

[beardedmrbean]

WICHITA FALLS (KFDX/KJTL)— As technology continues to become more accessible around the world, it is becoming easier to see how it affects children and teens.

In an attempt to get a handle on the presence of technology in schools, Dr. Donny Lee and the WFISD are hoping that implementing a new cellphone policy can help reduce technology-related issues in the school district.

There are more child deaths from hot cars in Texas than anywhere else in the US

“Starting issues on social media, bullying other students during the day on social media,” Dr. Lee said. “So, we’ve noticed a whole host of issues, mainly beginning in the secondary levels at junior high and all the way through the high school.”

The new pilot program, set to begin at McNiel and Hirschi Middle Schools, will be implemented through a partnership with Yondr. At the beginning of each school day, students will place their phones in a Yondr pouch, which is locked with a magnetic lock. They can unlock the pouch at the end of the day. La Vega High School in Waco uses Yondr pouches, and within the first six months of using the pouches, student disengagement dropped from 20% to 8%. The number of disciplinary incidents dropped drastically as well.

Though La Vega High School and other schools around Texas showed generally positive results with Yondr, the approach has parents in Wichita Falls torn. Franklin Fokun has a child attending McNiel Middle School. He sees the pouches as a potential positive for the district.

“The phones are supposed to be controlled,” Fokun said. “They don’t have to go to class with them, so they have to keep them somewhere. Then after that, maybe during break you have access, and after that we’ll go back to class, keep it there. So, I think that’s a good idea.”

Jessica Weaver, a mother with a child attending Barwise Middle School, is less enthusiastic about the new policy.

“I don’t like the idea, not with all the school shootings and stuff like that,” Weaver said. “I want my kid to be able to get a hold of me if he needs to, or just even a mental health day. If he needs something, I want him to be able to reach me.”

Given some parents’ concerns, Dr. Lee said keeping students safe is still the highest priority for the WFISD. In the early stages of the policy, parents will have to put more trust in the hands of the district and its safety procedures.

“The safety of your kid is our top priority, but if there’s a thousand different messages going out in the event of a crisis, it’s going to be mass chaos and we’re not going to be able to address the issue,” Dr. Lee said.

If the policy shows improvements in discipline and classroom engagement at McNiel and Hirschi, Barwise Middle School will be the next WFISD school to partner with Yondr.

[loveandmurders]

Love is insanity (Sinclair daughter!reader one shot)

Hello everyone. Today I'm posting a one shot about reader being Bo's daughter, but her mother took her away from him. Not gonna lie, this is pure angst.

Hope you'll enjoy <3

Warnings: angst, angst and more angst, no proof reading, mentions of violence, blood and death, reader is kidnapped by her mother.

You were Bo’s first thought when he was getting up every day of his life. 

He wondered how you were doing; he hoped you were happy and, more than anything, he prayed for you to come back to him one day. Every morning and every night, he was going into your room. It never failed to break his heart; he couldn’t stand how empty the room was, but he just couldn’t help himself to check it because it was all he had left of you. You were the happiest thing that ever happened to him; and yet your mother took you away from him. It felt like a punishment that he knew he deserved. But it wasn’t making this any more bearable.

Your mother had done anything to survive, including marrying him. Bo wasn’t too sure he really loved her, but he tolerated her and he was enjoying her in bed. He also liked the idea to get married because he was a family man. The woman did find Bo attractive and she had been glad to have fun with him. She hadn’t cared much about the wedding, but she didn’t want to say no to a man who could kill her and ask his twin to turn her into a wax statue. The killing was bothering her a lot, and she was terrified. She wanted to get out of here, no matter how much Bo could sometimes be a nice man to her when he wanted to be. 

Or when she got pregnant.

The day she told him she was, she had been very nervous, not too certain how he was going to react. Bo had looked into her eyes to make sure she wasn’t lying about it before a big smile appeared on his face. She had never seen him smiling like that before; a genuine and happy smile. He kissed with fierce passion and he started to be very gentle to her. He was doing his best to not argue with her anymore, he didn’t yell at his siblings in front of her, he didn’t allow her to do any more chores, even in the house. He was usually rough when they were having sex, but he started to be more careful. She couldn’t deny that Bo was showing a new side of his personality. He had been by her side the whole time she went into labour. And he was so emotional when he took you, his daughter, in his arms for the first time.

And then he never let you go. He stayed nice to your mother, because she was your mother. He wasn’t caring too much about her anymore, but he didn’t want to do anything that would upset you. He wanted you by his side all the time, and it seemed you did too. You were very close to one another. If your mother was asking you to come with her, you were always looking back at Bo to make sure he wouldn’t like to have you instead. 

Bo was affectionate with you and he was sincerely trying to be a good father to you. He never showed you the angry side of his personality, and he never let you see him covered in blood. You were the most important person in the house. You also adored your uncles and they all doted on you. You were a Sinclair, you were their heir and they loved you so much. Your mother was happy they were all so distracted with you that she could plan an escape for you and herself. It took her 8 years to find out a way, but when she finally did, you both disappeared before Bo could do anything about it.

She left a message on the kitchen table for him to find in the morning. He had known right away something was off because she wasn’t in bed, there was no sound from the kitchen and his darling daughter didn’t open the bedroom door to greet him. When he had checked your room, it was empty and your favourite plushie - a teddy bear Lester got you when you were three - was gone. His stomach was twisted when he saw the note and started to read it.

We’re leaving and we’ll never come back. Don’t look for us or I’ll tell Y/N who you truly are. I’ll tell her what the statues she loved so much are made of. I won’t call the police on you because I’ve been part of it for a long time and Y/N needs some normality in her life from now on.

Hope to never see you again, and hope you have enjoyed your daughter’s presence till it lasted. I know you truly loved her, but she deserves better and you know it too. I’ll make sure she’ll forget about you.

Bye, Bo, see you in hell.

He couldn't express how broken he felt when he read those words and his brothers and himself looked for the two of you for weeks. 

But you truly were gone. 

After this, Bo had been very difficult to live with, and Lester wasn’t often home anymore. Vincent didn’t say anything and he let Bo be mad. He perfectly understood that his twin just lost his favourite person in the world and that it was very hard for him. Vincent was also very disappointed because he had started to teach you how to sculpt… They lost their heir. And Bo lost his sanity.

He couldn’t stand to see kids any longer, and Lester was always keeping families away from Ambrose because he knew Bo would have a very bad breakdown otherwise. When Vincent was asking him if he needed anything before he would go to his basement, Bo was always shrugging and saying “Apart from my daughter, ya mean?”. And there were always tears in his voice when he was mentioning you. Lester and Vincent never talked about you; you were too much of a sensitive subject. Bo was sometimes drinking in front of his TV, until he would fall asleep, so he could forget he lost the only thing he promised himself to never hurt and to always love. But how could he show you he loved you when you were away from him?

Bo was trying very hard to calm down and to focus on work and on his siblings; but it was almost impossible now he didn’t really believe in a future. You were his future. And everything was gone.

It had been ten years.

And it still hurt like the first day.

He often tried to imagine you and you were of course such a beautiful young woman now. He was certain he would have been so proud to have you, to know you. And he simply truly hoped that you had indeed a better life without him.

You would beg to differ. You had missed your dad just as much as he had missed you. But whenever you would try to talk about him to your mother, she would lock herself in her room and blast music into the speakers so loud she couldn’t hear you. She wanted to forget about all the awful things she saw and did during those years in Ambrose, and even if she loved you, she wanted to forget you were the daughter of a sadistic killer. 

She was quite desperate about how you never stopped talking about your dad. She knew you had a bound, but she had hoped she would be able to break it, or at least that time would be able to. She was wrong and she was aware of it.

You needed your father more than anything. And one day, you decided it was time to get back home. You had passed your driving licence and you had some holidays before the next school year would start. You stole your mother’s car, just leaving a note on the kitchen table, like she did years ago.

Need to go see my dad. Please, don’t call the cops on me, I know what I’m doing and I’ll be back soon.

Love you, Y/N. 

Your mother had no intention in calling for the cops. She drank a lot that day, terrified for you and for what you were going to discover. She was pretty certain that if the Sinclairs were still alive, they were also still killing people and turning them into wax statues. In a way, she had always wanted to preserve the happy memories you had from Ambrose. She was scared Bo was going to ruin it.

Even though you were 8 when you got snatched away from Ambrose, you remembered how to get there. Maybe it was because since then you had dreamt to come back home, or because everything in you knew how to come back there. You belonged to Ambrose and to your father. You loved your mother but it was nothing compared to the adoration you used to have for Bo. You were worrying to be disappointed - or even worse to disappoint him - when you would meet him again, but you needed to see him again.

You drove and drove for days, having quick stops at motels, until you found the dusty roads leading to your hometown. You instantly recognised them because you never stopped seeing them in your dreams. You had travelled so much on them with your uncle Lester that you couldn’t mistake them either. You continued to drive and you smiled when you saw the sign advertising the House of Wax. You wondered how it was now, because you could imagine that your uncle Vincent had worked a lot on it while you were gone. It had been ten years after all, and it saddened you even more. You wished your dad could have seen you growing up. He barely had the time to teach you how to use a gun and to fix cars; and your mom was afraid of weapons so you never touched another one.

When you arrived in Ambrose, you felt like something was off. And yet oddly familiar at the same time. You noticed blood on the ground, and you heard screams coming from the museum. You parked your car next to your father’s mechanic shop and wondered what to do. You used to hear people scream in Ambrose when you were small, even if your mother was always putting on loud music in the house for the two of you to forget about what was truly happening. You had often asked questions about it to your dad but Bo never answered you. 

You got out of your car, not too sure what to do. You remembered that your dad always asked you to safely stay home when you were hearing noises in town. You had always obeyed your father, because you disliked displeasing him. But now it would feel strange to get inside the house without anyone knowing it… It hadn’t been your home in ten years. You noticed that the screams were quietening down. You carefully walked to the house. It seemed like nothing had changed. You knocked at the door but no one answered. You weren’t too surprised about it because your dad and uncles were often out and about.

You finally decided to get inside. You needed to get some glass of fresh water anyways and you thought your family wouldn’t mind. You were surprised how the house seemed unchanged from the last time you saw it. It made you feel at home right away and you smiled to yourself. You walked to the kitchen without any hesitation. You were about to open the cupboard to get a glass, when you felt rough arms wrapping around your waist and a knife being pressed against your throat. Your eyes widened and you looked up at your attacker.

“Uncle Vincent?” you whispered out and the man instantly let you go. You had recognised him right away thanks to his mask and his still long and dark hair. It really felt like you had never left Ambrose and it was nice. You turned around to face him. Vincent had let go of his knife and his hands were now on your face, softly trying to memorise all of your features.

Y/N? Is that really you? What are you doing here? He signed, hoping you still remembered the sign language. You actually took classes after you left Ambrose because you wanted to remember and improve yourself. You smiled.

“I ran away from mom, I wanted to be back home” you replied “Is dad here?” you asked before noticing the blood on Vincent’s clothes. You came closer while frowning in concern “Are you hurt, uncle?” you asked again. Vincent didn’t have the time to answer that Bo busted into the house, covered in blood as well.

“There’s a fuckin’ car…” Bo started before stopping when he saw you.

“Oh yeah, it’s mom’s… Hi, father” you smiled. Bo didn’t move at first, he couldn’t process what was going on. But soon enough, you were in his arms and he was tightly holding you against him. He thought he was going to cry with pure happiness. His baby was finally back home. Life could finally go on and be joyful. He could finally feel whole once again.

It was how Bo always imagined it. 

He always thought that one day you would come back and you would learn about the killing, but you would support it. You would come living again in Ambrose and everything would have been happy once again, like it should have been from the beginning.

But it never happened. 

Because the day you finally arrived in Ambrose, the House of Wax was melted to the ground because of a big fire, and both your father Bo and uncle Vincent were dead. You knew it because you didn’t find anyone in the house you grew up in or in the garage or in the church. Ambrose was truly empty and you couldn’t imagine your family leaving. 

Lester found you the second day as you were crying in front of what was left of the House of Wax. He didn’t recognise you, of course, but he guessed who you were, because no one had any reason to cry here other than you. You jumped when he placed a hand on your shoulder before turning to him. You gasped his name before getting up and tightly hugging him. You were so happy one of them was still there. You asked him what happened and he told you everything.

And he told you how happy Bo would have been to know you were finally back home, because the man had never stopped thinking about you one second in his whole existence. You wished you hadn’t arrived too late. You wished he would have known that his daughter was finally home. You wished your mother never kidnapped you from Ambrose and your family. You hated her so much.

But it was nothing in comparison to what you felt against the two people who did this to your family. You promised yourself you were going to find them and give them the most painful of death. You also promised yourself you were going to rebuild the House of Wax, so Bo and Vincent could be proud of you, because you knew it was what they would have wanted. 

You also knew they were going to be your first statues of wax. Lester had kept the bodies because he hadn’t wanted to leave them there for the cops to find. And he hadn’t had the strength to bury them yet. You asked him to keep looking over the bodies for a couple of days more and then you would take care of them. You just needed to kill those people first so you could focus on your art, your mind at peace. 

You were so excited to see your dad again and to chat with him like if you hadn’t left the house for ten years, like if he wasn’t dead inside the wax, like if you weren’t insane.

And Lester was so grateful he wasn't going to be alone in this.

---

Taglist : @bloodmoon-bites ; @kawaistrawberry21

[xiefuyu]

Brother, I'm here.

-- Kurokawa Izana x little sister reader

🖤 — Tokyo Revengers

📝 — spoilers from manga (around tenjiku arc), angst, mention of domestic abuse, mention of blood, mention of murder, mention of death

:a/n — I think I enjoy writing angst what do i do?? jk. hi, here's the third part. enjoy! (wc: 1.7k)

— PT. 1 / PT. 2/PT.3/PT.4/PT.5

Sano Manjiro stares at his hands. Droplets of blood and the feeling of them getting in his hands present. He felt responsible and god he did because how can he not know that he has another sibling?

Emma’s sobs broke him out of his trance and it was only then that he noticed Draken. “It..it was supposed to be me.” she cries out. “That Kisaki was about to hit me but she protected me and- and-”

“Emma, stop.” Draken softly stops her, heart aching at how the teenager is blaming herself.

But Mikey’s heart ached more when he realised that he almost had Emma dying on his back. Did that make him feel at least a bit of relief? No. Of course not. How could he when his another sibling is the one laying, holding onto dear life?

“I should’ve moved…I was there and I should’ve done something.” they heard Takemichi say but no one was blaming him. No one could’ve known what would happen at that moment except you who knew about your brother’s sick plan.

Mikey stands up, determined. “Emma, Hina-chan, stay here.” he commands and looks at Draken and Takemichi.

“We’re going. I’ll drag Izana here as if it’s the last thing keeping me alive.”

“Woah, how strong, Mikey! You’re here even after Emma’s death?” Izana asked with a wicked grin but Mikey could see it wavering. He could read those empty eyes; pleading and hope behind.

“What are you talking about, Izana? It was Y/N, our other sister who got hit.” he explains, frowning. “What…?” he hears Kakucho ask, breathless.

“What are you talking about?” he asked once again, stepping forward. “Kaku-chan, you know Y/N-san?” Takemichi asks, eyes widening. “Of course I know her! She’s Izana’s sister! What do you mean she got hit?!” Kakucho’s head whipped to where Kisaki was, blood boiling.

“She’s no sister of mine. I don’t know her.” It was the last thread that snapped loudly and hard as Kakucho stomped his way in front of his king. “She’s your sister, Izana! She’s Kurokawa Y/N!” he shouts, praying to whatever deity out there for his message to come across the kingdom that Izana built around his heart.

“How could you be so sure of that, huh? How could you be when you don’t even know that I’m blood related to no one at all?!” Mikey’s and Kakucho’s eyes widened. A simple huh coming out from their mouths.

Izana tells them how his mother told him that he’s just another son of her ex-husband with a Filipina and how he’s not Emma’s blood-related stepbrother.

But Kakucho wasn’t deterred, telling him that he should meet Y/N because she’s his blood-related sister instead.

A gunshot echoes throughout the bay, silence following.

“You’re so goddamn annoying!” they hear Kisaki say and for one moment, all Izana could think was Kakucho. 

And that set of eyes that he saw earlier.

Regret bubbles in his whole body and it moved faster than his brain could comprehend as he saw Kisaki getting ready for another shot.

Three gunshots were heard this time and Izana waited for the inevitable pain to rain upon him but none came. He didn’t fall nor did he feel a bullet making his body their own home. He looks up and sees Draken gripping Kisaki’s hand, gun pointed towards the sky.

Saved.

They were saved.

“Let’s go visit Y/N, Izana. And…you’re still our big brother.” Mikey says, bowing lightly.

And for the second time that day, the king falls from his throne and onto his knees. But this time, it came with emotions dripping from his lilac eyes.

The Yokohama conflict ended with one loss- Kisaki Tetta who was run over by a truck.

The beeping sound of the heart monitor was deafening. 

He did this to his sister, didn’t he? How sick and vile of him. Even though it was Emma who was supposed to get hit and die, he knows that everything was fucked up.

Kakucho had filled him with the information he got from you. He got informed that you knew he existed years ago and worked hard to earn money just so you could come to Japan and look for him. How you kept hoping to see him in every street you walked through.

How you’re looking for your big brother.

He was getting impatient. He wants you to wake up and look at that set of eyes similar to his. He was getting impatient but a voice stopped him.

Will she even accept you after what you did? After you turn your back on her?

His breath hitches and his hand longs to grip yours gently. Praying that the apologies lingering on the tip of his tongue will make their way through the tip of his fingers instead and flow into yours, interrupting you in your slumber.

He was getting impatient and he wants you to open your eyes because he wants to see them again. Because he knows there’s a possibility of you not waking up and how he won’t be able to stare back at another set of lilac eyes.

He stares at your limp hand and stops breathing altogether when they twitch. His gaze slowly racked over your form, settling on your face as he waited with bated breath for you to wake up.

But you didn’t and Izana visibly deflates, sighing before standing up to leave.

He doesn’t deserve you. You’re clearly a white paint in his black canvas and he doesn’t want your light fading.

So he does what he thinks is for the best.

Leaving you once more.

Your life wasn’t as eventful as the others. You have no experience of proper support- financially, emotionally, and physically.

Your stepmother was abusive; always taking her frustrations out on you that you got used to it. Your father doesn’t even spare you a glance while you’re getting beaten up. It was a common occurrence that it got you questioning if it’s normal in a household. (It’s not, you found out later.) Your stepmother did her best to make you think otherwise, after all.

Always saying that it’s for your own good and that she loves you that’s why she’s doing it. You were just a naive little girl new to the world you were brought in and believed in.

Not until you found out that everything in your household is fucked up. Your stepmother and father are fucked up in the head and are irresponsible shits that liked to neglect you. However, there’s a part of you that thanked your father for giving you an older brother even though it took him years to remember and finally tell you one day so casually.

With that knowledge, you found your purpose again. 

Older brother.

A kuya.

Oh how you always wanted an older sibling to take care of you. To baby you and to shower you with affection. You worked again and again despite the pity looks you got for working at such a young age. Were you ten? Thirteen? Fifteen? You’re not even sure anymore.

All you could think about was escaping your shitty household and meeting your Kuya.

That’s all you ever wanted and yet, nothing was ever free to you in this godforsaken world, no? Everything and everyone around you just looks at your expectations, takes them and throws them to the ground and stomps on it for an extra measure.

Maybe it was the price for being greedy for a family. The price for being selfish, not considering how your Kuya is living and proceeding to look for him and bother him with your presence, full of scars and bruises painted by a family.

You were longing and now you’re paying the price in the form of your pounding head and blurry vision.

Your eyes wander around the vicinity you’re in. You’re in a hospital, you figured. Right, you were hit with a bat in the head. Your Kuya Mikey brought you here, hand tugging yours away from death’s own ones.

You see Emma beside you, holding your hand as she sleeps. You notice her puffy eyes and apologise to her in your mind for giving her a scare. On the sofa a few feet away was a pink-haired girl, dozing off in Takemichi’s shoulder who’s also sleeping. You look to your right and see Mikey and another guy, almost bald, looking out the window.

They’re awake. You should call for them, right?

“Kuya.” you softly called out, Mikey immediately turning to you, eyes wide and full of relief. “Hey, Y/N. How are you feeling?” you smile and do your best to nod a little. “Feeling fine.” how idiotic of you to think that Mikey will believe that.

He may have just met you days ago but he’s no fool when it comes to his siblings. 

“Izana is just taking a breather outside.” he says instead of further asking you to tell him the truth. Outside where he’s currently being looked for because he decided to be an asshole once again and disappeared on you.

And yet, somehow, you knew. 

You knew that Izana turned his back on you again but you can’t bring yourself to be mad. No, you are blaming yourself for his actions. You are worried because it’s currently dark outside and the possibility of him getting in danger was making your eyes tear.

“I’m sorry…” you sobbed out quietly but it jolted Emma awake, making Mikey grab your hand, asking you what for while simultaneously telling you that it's not your fault and it's okay.

It's overwhelming. You want to hide, you want to run away. Is family supposed to be this reassuring? Are they supposed to be this gentle and soft? Are they supposed to wipe your tears away as they tell you over and over again that everything will be okay?

Are you supposed to feel this safe around a family?

You're too unfamiliar with these…things.

In a way, instead of being the white paint, you're the black canvas and your Kuya Mikey and Emma are the white dots, slowly spreading out with their gentleness.

Draken, Takemichi, and the pink-haired girl stood quietly, watching the Sanos reassuring you, heart aching.

Because you had to know.

You had to know that they’re not your family by blood.

And their heart aches because they’re about to rip away a family, a loving one, from you even though it still hasn’t reached your two delicate hands.

Kakucho stands outside the room with his bandaged body, tears gathering in his eyes as he vows to find Izana for you.

For the now two Kurokawa royalty in his life.

A/N: I'm currently enjoying writing this hahaha I hope you're enjoying the mini series, too, love <3

[ tag list: @bontensbabygirl ]

[babiebom]

Ranking my Mechat Matches Based on how much I Like Them(currently)

A/N: this isn’t to be mean or say I hate them or anything lmao it’s just for fun since I don’t see many Mechat posts on here and I wanna post something to make it obvious that I will write for them? Might be ooc for the writings but I try my best!!

Tw: cursing, some sexual mentions, maybe a little bit of bullying(affectionate and derogatory maybe), SPOILERS (maybe)

BC: at least 5 for each

Mechat Masterlist

First the guys since I am actually attracted to them:

1)Tamura Blood

Literal love of my life I’m always thinking about him

Like it’s not even like exaggerating when I say he’s taken over 90 percent of my daydreams

Like I was never really into the whole mafia romance thing before

But I genuinely want this man to be happy

Like I know he’s a character but I want him to be happy and if I have to write a million fics just to make it true for him I will

Like he actually cares even if he doesn’t show or say it and while I usually hate it he’s just so….

Idk how to explain it

He was my first match and when I first finished his story before they updated it twice I actually was VERY upset and checked on it every day to see if it would ever be updated

Idk what happens next because I’m playing through the updates now but

If me and him don’t get a happy ending I’m going to have a breakdown

I need a happy ending with him <3

The cheek kiss is the last thing I saw and I’m so mad he cheek kissed instead of lip kissed

Slow burn isn’t usually my favorite to read so this is actually killing me

But I literally look forward to his messages every day.

NAUR I FINISGED HIS STORY IN BETWEEN WRITING THIS AN DNOW IM SAD :((((( I LITERALLY J U S T BECAME HIS GORLFRIEND

MECHAT DEVS GIVE ME MORE TAMURA KISSES NOW!!!!!!!!!!

2)Yasuda Hitoshi

Honestly he annoyed me at first and I found it fun to mess with him

But he grew on me

Like even before him and me(the character obviously) started getting along he started to slowly work his way up on my list

And now that we’re getting married and he has told me about the monsters or whatever that he had to save me from

He’s super sweet even if he’s still sorta a big meanie

I think it’s cute

Like YES I love the guy who is mean to everyone but me trope

Like yeah he’s not mean but he isn’t really outgoing or nice with other people

Like he jokes and is cute and UGH

And the way he actually stands up to his parents for you is literally swoon worthy

LOVE MY MAN MY MAN MY MAN

3)Johnny Roe

Honestly I think I skipped him the first couple times he popped up as a match

And then when I saw everyone talking about him I thought it was like

…..everyone was over hyping him

But then I got him as a match again

So I matched with him

And he’s actually so cute

And his storyline is cute

And he’s like one of my favorites (obviously seeing as he’s number three)

I now understand the hype surrounding him because I would actually kill someone for this man

And I want to fight the mother so bad

It makes me upset how he’s always like “she’s still my mom”

Like yeah but she literally ABUSED YOU?????

Like I understand completely and I know it would be hard to just turn off loving her for him

But UGH

I want permission to throw hands

And honestly not to trauma dump my mom is the same way

Like she’s not abusive but she was abused by our family when she was a kid(including my grandmother)

And she’s so fiercely protective of her and like I love my grandmother but UGH I have like a place of resentment in my heart for her because e my mom didn’t deserve any of the bad things that has happened to her

So I know firsthand what it’s like to have a parent somewhat like Johnny(my mom doesn’t have agoraphobia)

I guess that’s why I’m super fond of him? Because he’s familiar in a way to me

I just want him to be happy :(

4)Optimo Lynx

I got a crush on him slowly

Like at first I was MEH about him

But then he was a cute nerd who is studying to be a….doctor(????? I forgor sorry)

AND on the other hand he’s a superhero who has literally saved me twice

Like actually I love him

Very smart and cares about people

Like actually HE SAVES LIVES

Like ?????? It’s sad that the public can’t know his identity bc the government will be mad

And the fact I think he would hate that

But he deserves to be paid for saving people the way that he does

And studying on top of that

Like I wouldn’t be able to IMPRESSIVE MAN

wanna give him kisses

ALSO ALSO ALSO

I don’t think I’ve EVER mentioned this on my blog

But black hair blue eyes combo is my favorite

So actually he’s my dream man

I wanna give him more kisses!!!!

I NEED MORE GEMS SO I CAN KISS HIM

And maybe suck his dick if he lets me

5)Zander Echo

When I first started his storyline I only wanted to get him to like me bc he hated me

Like Oh? You hate me? You won’t after I follow this simple plan

But then he started growing on me because he calls me his little snack

And I know he means it in a cannibalistic way but it’s hot so oh well

Then he actually started caring about me kinda

And showed me the ocean in a way that didn’t terrify me (I’m afraid of the ocean)

Like actually while this is lowkey my worst nightmare

I can breathe underwater and I’m not dying or anything so it’s less scary

But I’m still scared of the ocean

It he has a castle that I live in so it’s FINE

Literally would help me get over my fear if he wouldn’t eat me

Also I wish I could give him smooches

6)Azur Blackshade

Ghost man ghost man grim reaper ghost man

Hot hot man

Actually so interesting

And sad

I wanna know how he works

Like I wanna pick at his mind

Honestly ghost types aren’t my favorite monster types but UGH

He makes me wanna write a fanfic of a ghost love interest or something

Really really like him

7)Jozef Chrobak

He was my number one for a HOT WHILE

like I think he’s so hot

And his art style is attractive

Like he’s a VERY good looking man

I do like making people like me

And the fact that he was so against love in the beginning made it more fun

And then the ex appeared and pissed me off

But we ended up together

The only reason he’s this low is because I stopped playing his route bc my own character was pissing me off

Like she’s such a bitch

Like omg he’s romantic now I hate it

Are you a dumb ass hoe or what?

8)Brook

I liked the poly aspect and he was VERY cute

And I’m pretty sure he was a nurse or doctor or the person in an ambulance and I find that super attractive

Like YES save lives papi!!!!!!!!!

And for the most part I liked the story

I could see myself having a crush on him irl

Sweet sweet man

I don’t remember much else since I finished it MONTHS ago

9)Felix

To start off Felix and Brook are pretty much equal

Like it’s a poly relationship and I like them pretty much the same

They’re both sweet men and they’re both attractive

Even though I hated that they all abandoned me

I do think it’s attractive that they all took time to better themselves and their relationship

Like it takes a lot to realize when to step back because the situation you’re in isn’t a good one or might lead to you resenting someone

They were cool

And he was a model so obviously he was hot

Love them

10)Vile Darko

Actually insane?

I like him a lot simply because he seems psychotic

Like WHO makes someone go through insane things for money or whatever

Like actually a clown and it’s attractive

Even though I’m scared of clowns

He makes it hot AND scary

Like I’m genuinely fearing for my life (in game) but I’m also like yeah if he kills me it’s fine bc he has to touch me to do that :)

11)Enzo Gomez

I was SHOOK when I realized he wasn’t just a dog man

Like he’s an actual human that was cursed

He’s a werewolf but Doberman style

His human form is attractive

And don’t kill me but the dog form is somehow attractive(maybe it’s the teeth? Idk)

And his story is kinda sad

Well sad in that he is cursed

I’m pretty sure he was a horrible person and that’s why he was cursed

And I’m glad he has become a better person because of it

12)Lan Ying

He was up at the top before I finished his story a while ago

And now he’s back but I’m not as crazy about him because I’m crazy about tamura so I haven’t played his update yet

But I do LOVE him

Like actually a dom that isn’t an asshole

And I do like shibari and he’s nice

I hate that he ties other people up though

Like mine and only mine?

Seems like a very level headed guy and that’s very attractive

Probably one of the least toxic in this list ngl

13)Eichi Hirano

I’ve never really been crazy about him

Like even though I’m a hyper sexual person his is ONLY sex and sometimes him having trouble with his hotels or whatever

So I wasn’t really interested in him

In still not all that interested :/

He’s cute though

And obviously the sex is good for my character so I guess

I do think he’s kinda nice though, so I do like him

14)Rei

I think he is the SWEETEST guy in an unfortunate position

Because his sister is manipulating him into being basically a scammer and he doesn’t wanna do it

But she gets pissy with him if he refuses

And while I know he could take himself out of that situation

It’s hard with siblings that you wanna keep in your life or whatever

Especially because they’re twins

My only problem with him is that he doesn’t have much of a spine

Like I would like him to stand up to her

But like he’s sweet and I hope the rest of the storyline is good. I kinda stopped playing it

It’s like only two dates that they have?

I don’t feel like wasting diamonds on them right now lmao

15)Dare

I think he’s hot

But in reality I would hate him

I hate playing truth or dare bc it makes me anxious and I can never think of anything

also he knows exactly how he’s making those people suffer and acts like he doesn’t

Actually manipulative

And everything is a game to him UGH

It just annoys me

The sex was cool though

And he is kinda interesting

But like the whole four horsemen thing is an ewie to me

16)Ezra Michelle

I do actually really like Ezra

But I hate the fact that I can’t romance him

I wanna romance the pastor man

I wanna give him smooches but NAUR he’s dedicated his life to the lord

Also he’s cool for a pastor

Obviously they weren’t gonna put a total asshole extreme Christian person in the game

But I do think the way he’s written is very Joseph dream daddy coded but cooler and less shitty

Like Joseph was a shitty man

But Ezra is really cool so far

He’s only this low bc I stopped playing bc I was sad I couldn’t marry him and went after people I could romance instead

17)Drink

He wasn’t really there in the storyline

Like dare was the main character I guess out of the four

Drink and dance barely showed up

But I liked him

And I think his super power of making drinks is cool

Because I hate alcohol and how it tasted I think he would be really dangerous for me if he can make a drink that doesn’t taste like ass

And was kinda nice when we finally got to talk to him

But otherwise he wasn’t really there oof

18)Social

He was more there than drink and dance but he annoyed me

Literal definition of influencer

I was ANNOYED the entire time I had to talk to him

Like can you GET OFF YOUR PHONE

I DONT CARE ABOUT YOUR FOLLOWERS

GET YOUR CAMERA OUT OF MY FACE BITCH BOY

Like his only personality trait is social media

And yeah granted his name is social

But the others were much more interesting than him

His only good trait is that he’s hot and could probably make me famous if I wanted him to

19)Joon Hwang

I don’t remember him oof

I think I liked him a little bittle but I don’t remember anything about who he is or his storyline so eh

20)Seong On

Like Joon I have no idea who this guy is even though I know I did play through some of his storyline

I have nothing to say about him yikes

Now onto the women since I did match with them!!(my storyline beliefs might be wrong because I speed through them for gems)

1)Naya Honoka

HER STORYLINE IS INSANE?

Like actually I was like OOOH a cute nurse when we first started talking

Then as time went on I was like oof she has no time to herself but she’s so nice and cute

And it was just the right amount of spicy that I was like yeah this is KINDA realistic

LIKE SHE SAVES LIVES WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM HER (other than time)

Then it went into a whole hostage witness protection thing

And I was like HUH

My character in this pissed me off

Bc why when she says HEY don’t say my name call me Hannah instead

My character says Naya 400999 times like MAAM

STOP OUTING HER!!!!!!!!!

Anyways she’s so sweet and deserves love and I want her to be happy and get more breaks from working

Only thing I currently don’t like is how she literally is spending our honeymoon being a nurse

But also irl I would be okay with that bc that means I can be alone for some of the day so oof

2)Eiko Suzuki

I like her more now than I did in the beginning

In the beginning she was kinda annoying

But now I’m like OKAY she deserves the WORLD

Like not because she’s a kitsune but like she is SO PRETTY

And I do like that she’s a family girl

I do think it’s weird that she was like “I don’t want anything serious”

But wanted us to help her with everything

Like I think at this point we’re something more but they haven’t made it official

Which bothers me bc I need to know I’m the only one

And her storyline is also insane

Like WTF your ex boyfriend ruined your life and is BACK to ruin it even more

AND your family can turn into cute ass foxes and you didnt use that to your advantage and KILL HIM?

Literally just maul him as a fox and be like

OH NAUR my bf got mauled by a wild animal I wonder how this could’ve happened?!!!!!!!!!

I do think she’s cool though even though we have to help her with everything and she doesn’t think things through sometimes

I also think it’s funny that since I’m not spending diamonds on her choices that my character is a complete asshole

Like she left her to die LMAO

3)Lexi Rose

I LOVE THAT SHE COSPLAYS

like actually her being an otaku is so cute

And I’m pretty sure she got a tv show opportunity at some point I don’t remember

Like I’m proud of her

Sad that she feels like her true self isn’t very cool

Bc I really like her

She seems sweet and cool and her interests are ones that I like

Like I might not be the biggest anime fan

But I would watch several with her as dates

Like we do not have to leave the house lets snack and you can tell me all the attack on titan lore.

4)River Morales

PRETTY WOMAN

would’ve been number one had I played her recently

But I haven’t played her for WEEKS

so she went down as I lowkey forgot about her

Honestly she was cool and I love that she’s an artist

And I do like the poly dynamic

And the fact that she was REALLY honest about her feelings towards the end

Hate that they kinda abandoned me

But I do like her a lot

Super sweet girl

I think she was sorta insecure in her storyline and I hate that for her

5)Reko Lamarr

Dommy mommy dommy mommy

She’s kinda a bitch

And as a dom I feel like she’s pretty……

Needy?

Like I feel like she should just be a bratty sub or something

Maybe it’s bc I prefer service doms?

But she’s like serve ME worship ME

instead of being a cute dom?

Like MAAM tell me what to do but love on me too

She’s cool tho

Like LOVE a business woman

Get that money queen

She’s VERY stressed

And actually kinda hot when she spanks us

Just wish she was more service-y instead of demand-y

I want to be babied pls

6)Alice Young

She’s okay I guess

I’m not really into sports

And I just started her storyline

And I kinda find the sports thing annoying

Maybe it’s bc I’m not…enthusiastic? Driven about sports that I’m like????

Just FIRE HIM??????

He’s a coach not your dad

Hire someone that cares about your mental health as well as you winning

Like girl just say that you wanna just be friends until you’re done with your tournament or whatever

Like why even join Mechat if you have a whole sports thing you wanna win

Like focus on that THEN join dating apps?

Other than that she’s pretty and cool

And I think her being athletic is attractive

7)Dance

She’s not that bad at all

But we hardly have content of her?

Like we barely see her during the storyline

So she’s okay I guess

Likes to dance and so do I

The only downside is that she’s part of the four horsemen

The upside is that I found the dancing plague in France to be funny and as soon as I saw this party was like that I cackled

But also not really funny in theory

Also kinda dislike her bc she thought the people were having fun when she knew they weren’t

I think she would be fun to be around in small doses.

8)Eura Alabaster

WOULDVE BEEN DEAD ASS LAST IF IT WASNT FOR RAITAS BITCH ASS

I actually HATE her

Like overconfident people don’t really bother me

It’s just SOMETHING about her that pisses me off

Like the way she is makes me want to beat her to death with my fists

Like she’s annoying and overconfident and stupid

AND she kidnapped me

Granted I’m not against someone kidnapping me(in the fictional world)

SHE JUST HAD TO PUT ME ON A BOAT

I HATE boats

I hate the ocean

I think that’s why I hate her so much

The fact that it’s the ocean we’re dealing with

And she’s triggering my irrational fear of the Bermuda Triangle

So it’s stressing me out

I just hate her

9)Raita

I haven’t finished their storyline so if she turns out fine later sorry

But right now

AT THIS MOMENT

I hate her and how she treats Rei

Like she’s an actual bitch and I hate that my character hasn’t said so

Like actually I would’ve been like ??????are you dumb or stupid why are you such a bitch ass hoe????

She’s so mean and for WHAT

He has done nothing wrong but she acts like he has

Like he doesn’t want to scam people but this scamming ass bitch is forcing him to

And I know someone is gonna be like “he can make his own choices”

Sometimes when it involves family and staying on their good side you don’t really have a choice if you want them in your life good or not

Like I HATE HER

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITAH for ruining a friendship I’ve had for years?

I (13FTM) had been told that a good friend of mine since March 2023 A (14F) had been saying things behind my back about me a couple of days before the first of December.

My friend W (14NB), had let me know of this the moment I had gotten to school that morning, since they were the one A was talking to about this. *She had said that I had cared more about a special interest and my partner more than I did them, and was as smart as a goldfish. (Mind you I do pretty well in school)*

This upset me a little, and I had brushed it off, decided to text M(14FTM) about this- asking if he had stood up for me or even told A that the words she said wasn’t nice. Instead of words of comfort and reassurance that he had stood up against A (Both had finally started dating after months of pining btw) I got a message saying that M couldn’t police things people said, and it wasn’t almost a big deal. So that hurt big time- since I’ve known M longer than A and W.

I decided to avoid A and M for a bit, knowing that it would just be awkward. Over the next few days it was, and finally that Friday it was at one of its peaks.

W couldn’t handle watching mine and M’s longtime friendship break off- so they had said that if I didn’t go and talk to them about the situation, they wouldn’t talk to me for two whole weeks (basically ghosting me for a bit)

I said I would, and popped my earbuds back in. W must of gone to get M, because the next moment I knew W had pulled my earbuds out of my ears for me to listen to M’s rant about ‘them being done with being the one to ruin friendships’

I was at my breaking point then- and busted into tears. Later on I went home early, since I couldn’t handle being so upset at school.

For the next part you need a bit of context: My mother and I planned on that evening flying to Toronto Canada to see a play Saturday evening and come home the Sunday night.

Sunday morning came around, and before and during breakfast I decided to text a big apology to M, stating how I felt about the situation and how he had reacted to it as well. Instead of a reply- I got a screenshot of M and A’s convo *M had taken screenshots of my apology, and sent it to A. M then sent A’s replies to me, blocking out his responds.*

A basically admitted to being in the wrong- but I was in the wrong too aparently.

Almost at my limit- I sent A a couple of texts, explaining that I didn’t drag M into the situation, and that they couldn’t be the messenger of the argument- as well as how I felt about A’s words and responses. I even mentioned that if they had reached out I would have helped in a flash.

I’ve been avoiding them since- but I still see them in the halls almost everyday, and the bus for M daily. It took something out of my usually cheery personality that was mainly me and a bit for comfort of others, and my teachers had started to notice right before our Xmas break. Now that we’re back at school and I’ve gotten to be able to post things on Tumblr- I’ve been feeling pretty aweful about the situation, and pretty lonely. I don’t know if it truly was my fault or not at this point.

AITAH?

What are these acronyms?

[satansapostle6]

The Man Who Sold The World | Luke Castellan

Spotify Playlist Link

Katherine. She was the one who started it all for Luke Castellan, the reason he did what he did.

Warnings: Mature themes/language. Violence. Sexual content.

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten: My Destruction

Luke discovered that fucking for seven hours straight does indeed take a lot out of you. Although he and Katherine only got about four or so hours of sleep, they were both still depleted.

“Let’s find someplace to eat. I think we need a huge breakfast after last night,” Katherine suggested.

“I second that,” Luke sighed as he climbed out of the shower, towel around his waist.

“Hurry up before we get started on round two,” she reminded him, pulling up her jeans. “Did you have to bite me?” she questioned, pulling her shirt over the mark.

“Yes,” he assured her before combing through his hair.

“Yeah, that was a trick question.”

Luke threw on the first set of clean clothes he could find, ready to leave.

“We should get moving. We’ve been in one place too long. I got a message about some Chimera thing going on in Baltimore.”

“Alright. We can get breakfast, and be there by tonight,” he thought. “I’ll drive.”

“Fine,” Katherine agreed, “But don’t think this means you get to drive my car all the time.”

Luke grinned as they packed up their things and left.

“I’m getting kinda tired of New York,” Katherine admitted as Luke drove.

“Really?” he questioned.

“Yeah… There’s just so much traffic. You hardly get to do anything.”

“I don’t get to see a whole lot of it,” Luke admitted. “There’s always a quest, or something.”

“You should just leave the camp,” she scoffed. “Live on your own.”

“No, I can’t. Besides. I think we need access to other demigods,” he pointed out.

“Yeah. He wants us to recruit,” Katherine agreed, “Which should be easy. I don’t think there’s anyone the gods haven’t fucked over.”

“Being born to one of them… It’s not the gift you would think it is,” he said, swallowing the pain he carried around with him. “The minute you have a god for a parent, you lose a parent. All of us are ignored our whole lives, until we’re punished when we fail, and just given a pat on the back when we do well.

“And everyone thinks this is just okay, because they’re gods. No one ever stops and says, none of this is okay. Everyone’s a hero, but no one wants to fight the bad guys. Because, like it or not, the bad guys are the ones who leave their kids to the wolves, and use people for entertainment,” he scowled.

“My mother says nothing is fair. That there’s always another shoe,” Katherine chuckled coldly. “But she’s the one who decides what’s fair,” she said softly.

“I remember when I first got to camp,” Luke thought. “I was fourteen. A friend almost died. We prayed and begged to our parents for help. All of us. Our friend, Thalia… she almost died. So Zeus turned her into a tree. Some fucking help. That day, I decided I’d never have to ask them for help again. I never wanted to have to ask anyone for help again.”

“You live on your own long enough, eventually that’s all you can do,” Katherine shrugged.

Breakfast, or lunch, given the time, was eaten very hastily as Katherine and Luke stopped at a restaurant on the way out of the state of New York.

“Hey. I have an idea I wanna run by you,” Luke said out of the blue.

“Hit me,” Katherine said as she ate.

Luke had something of a big question to ask, and despite having gone up against monsters and men with guns, he was still nervous.

“I was thinking, to make things easier for us, maybe you’d wanna… Live at the camp with me?” he invited her. “Full time?”

Immediately, he was already skeptical about her answer. He didn’t take it as a good thing when she initially met the question with silence, just thinking as she chewed.

“Why would I do that?” she asked.

The only response that came to mind for Luke was ‘uh oh’.

“Because… I want you to come with me,” he sighed, hoping this wouldn’t backfire.

“Why?”

He didn’t think this was going well so far.

“Because… I care about you?” he stated at her. “And I think it’d be cool if we could be together more often?” he offered expectantly.

Katherine Montalvo frowned for a moment, trying to come up with a suitable response.

“Luke,” she said, caught off guard.

“Katherine…”

“Let’s talk about this later,” she suggested.

“Why?” he looked at her inquisitively.

“Let’s just… Talk about it later,” she tried again.

“What?” he questioned worriedly, her avoidance putting him on edge. “Is something wrong?”

“No.”

“Really? Cuz it kinda seems like it,” Luke stated. “Do you… not wanna come with me?”

“Come on. You seriously think we’re gonna be ‘girlfriend-boyfriend’?” she asked, laughing nervously as she tried to level.

“I mean… that’s the general idea, yes,” Luke said patiently. “That’s the impression I got.”

He had no idea what the problem was.

“Luke. Come on. This is you and me we’re talking about,” she stated flatly.

“Again. I know,” he stared, blue eyes widened.

“Luke, I like you, very much, but you have to realize there’s no way we can do that. There just isn’t,” Katherine rationalized.

“Why not?” he questioned.

“Because, look at our lifestyle!” she pointed out. “We hunt monsters! You’re gone half the time, I practically drive a new stolen car every month, and we could both be dead next week for all we know!”

“I’m not seeing a problem.”

“We both know our main goal is Kronos. We can’t let things get even more complicated than they already are.”

“How are they complicated?” Luke asked frustratedly.

“Because we both have a lot of shit to do if we’re gonna bring Kronos back, and take over the fucking world!” she exclaimed, not seeing how her point wasn’t coming across. “We can’t afford any distractions.”

“A distraction,” Luke stated, blankly staring at her in disbelief. “That’s what I am to you.”

Katherine looked at him across the table for a moment. Everything began to come together for her as she started to laugh for a second before stopping herself.

“Wow. Sorry. Uh, I didn’t think you were the type to get attached,” she admitted, trying to process.

“What the fuck do you mean, ‘attached’?” he murmured, eyes wide with bewilderment.

“Dude. We fucked. Let’s not get carried away,” she laughed nervously.

Unfortunately, he misconstrued her awkwardness.

“Why are you talking like that all of a sudden?” he asked her, completely flabbergasted.

“Like what? I’m just trying to process what the fuck you just said to me.��

“Why are you being such an asshole?” Luke genuinely asked her.

Katherine gasped, laughing as she tried to contain her progressively escalating reactions. “Why are you being so confrontational?”

“Because you basically tell me you love me, and then we sleep together, and now you’re acting like we’re strangers,” he restated.

“I’m not acting like we’re strangers, you just think that us caring about each other and us sleeping together are relevant to one another, when really, they’re two separate things.”

Luke blinked at her profusely, trying to figure out how to proceed.

“You…” he stopped himself, beginning to feel warmer and warmer in the room. “You’re telling me that your feelings for me are completely platonic?”

Katherine frowned, a begrudging look on her face as she tried to explain. “No, I’m not saying that, I’m just saying, we don’t need to distract ourselves with that stuff.”

“What exactly did you think our relationship would be like?” he asked her angrily.

“Luke, I care about you. A lot. I do. And… I’m not gonna lie, you know what you’re doing when you lift your shirt up to wipe your hand off. But, those two things can’t mix. They just can’t… Things‘ll get messy, and someone will get hurt, physically.

“Love makes people stupid. It makes everyone stupid, no matter how smart they think they are. So I’m just trying to do both of us a favor, by keeping us in check so we both get what we want. It’s not personal. I trust you, with my life, and I have fun with you… You’re like my left hand. But that’s it. That’s all it can be.”

Luke was completely silent, fighting back tears and screams simultaneously.

“Fuck you,” he barely choked out, his eyes darkening as he sat forward, “Fuck you!”

Many heads turned in the restaurant, mostly older couples appalled by the exchange.

“What the fuck did I do?!” Katherine demanded, throwing her hands up.

“You’re such a fucking asshole for pretending like I’m just being stupid!” he thundered. “You’re a completely different person right now, and I hate it! You don’t even sound the same. You sound like a fucking male douchebag.”

“I’m not treating you like you’re stupid, I’m just trying to explain to you how this is better for us.”

“It’s better for us if you treat me like your left hand? Just use me when you get bored in bed, and then that’s it?” Luke scoffed.

Just about everyone was looking now.

“Quit making a scene,” she muttered under her breath.

Luke frowned, a completely deadpan expression on his face as he picked up the butter knife on the table, lightly tossing it at Katherine. She turned her head to avoid it, as it loudly clattered beside her on the ground. Her mouth dropped in disbelief as everyone around them began to stare in concern.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” she said through her teeth.

“What’s wrong with you?” he asked provocatively.

“You’re acting like a fucking child,” Katherine frowned, “Seriously.”

“I am a child,” he shrugged, fully aware of his own stubbornness.

“You’re eighteen years old.”

“I’m a boy! We don’t mature as fast!”

Katherine frowned as she picked up her own knife, throwing it back at him. He scowled back at her, seeming to accept the challenge. This time, a waitress quietly approached their table, leaning down to avoid making an even bigger scene.

“Guys, I’m gonna have to ask you to leave,” the girl murmured, afraid of their reaction.

“I’m sorry. We’ll leave. Here,” Katherine quickly reached for her wallet, quickly pulling out a hundred-dollar bill and handing it to her. “Keep it.”

“Thank you,” the waitress whispered.

But before she could leave, Luke turned to her, looking irritated.

“Sorry, but we’re not leaving yet.”

Katherine stared daggers at him, fed up with his antics.

“Will you get a fucking grip?”

“Will you act like a person for two fucking seconds?” he said confrontationally.

“Guys,” the twenty-something year old waitress said awkwardly, “Please don’t make me get a manager…”

“I’ll handle it, babe,” Katherine assured her, embarrassed.

“I hate you,” Luke Castellan snarled.

“You think I like you right now?” she snapped back.

Both of their attention was diverted to an older woman, who must’ve been the manager.

“Excuse me, but you’ve been asked twice now to leave. If you both don’t leave the restaurant right now, we’re going to have to call the police,” she informed them, matter-of-fact.

“Oh. You want me to give you a reason to call them?” Luke asked, standing up as he drew his sword.

Katherine’s eyes widened with rage as he unsheathed his double-edged sword he’d named Backbiter, made of both Celestial bronze and steel. At the very least, Katherine remembered the mortals around them would be protected from the sight of the demigod weapon by the Mist.

“Kelsey, call 911,” the manager breathed, as everyone in the room slowly began to panic more and more.

“Luke! Don’t be a show-off!” Katherine barked.

“You don’t tell me what to do, Katherine,” he argued obstinately.

“Are you fucking kidding me?! This is what we’re doing now?”

They both completely ignored everything happening around them, as many restaurant patrons had already begun to pay their checks and leave before things got any worse. The entire restaurant staff was now focused on evacuating the restaurant, no longer concerned with speaking to Luke and Katherine at all.

“Well, you don’t wanna talk about us, so I guess there’s nothing left to talk about!” Luke smiled coldly, punching out an older guy who tried to take him out.

He hardly had to take his eyes off of her to do so. There was running and screaming all around them now; it was absolute chaos. Katherine knew that the police were already on their way, if not approaching, and she needed to get Luke to disappear with her as soon as possible.

“You’re being insane! This is not how we’re dealing with this. Get in the car, before you get us arrested.”

“‘Us’? There’s an ‘us’ now?” he crossed his arms.

“You know, I really dodged a fucking bullet,” Katherine Montalvo muttered, drawing her sword as she looked around carefully.

“Bullshit. You care about me,” he insisted, his eyes burning with anger as he looked at her.

Only once had she ever seen Luke that angry. The only time he’d ever come close to looking at her that way was when they fought about the deal she’d made with Ares, but even then, he’d had sympathy in his eyes. But this time, there was nothing but rage. Katherine knew she may as well have been Hermes.

“You care about me! You love me! You just don’t want to admit it. Because you think if you admit, I’ll stop doing what you say!” he yelled at her.

Instinctively, Katherine knew the right thing to do in that situation was to tell him that wasn’t true in order to plead with him to come with her, but in these moment, she couldn’t exactly comfort him.

“You think that if you lose the ‘I love you’ card, you won’t have any leverage over me!” Luke roared, tears falling from his eyes as he yelled at her. “But that’s not true!” he growled, his eyes reddening as veins seemed to be popping out of his head.

Katherine looked at him with cold, dead eyes as she tried to find something good in her, anything good.

“I will never be on anyone’s side but yours!” he screamed at her with resentment. “I don’t care about anyone else anymore. Not my mom, not the camp, not Kronos! It’s all about you! I’d kill for you, die for you, it doesn’t matter! As long as I’m by your side, I don’t care,” he sobbed.

Katherine bit her lip, looking down at the ground as the sirens outside grew louder and louder.

“You took everything from me! You took who I am, you took what I care about…! I don’t care about anyone who isn’t you. I’m in love with you, Katherine,” he breathed, his blue eyes wide with hurt. “I don’t know why, but I love you. And it consumes me, it’s made me into someone I don’t recognize! I’m a monster, because loving you has made me into a monster!” Luke roared, as the doors burst open.

At least six police officers burst into the room, yelling loudly as Luke tried to yell louder.

“Both of you! Put your hands above your head!”

Katherine’s head whipped around as she looked back at Luke, who still held Backbiter in his hand.

“I thought I’d end up dying for Kronos, but that’s not— That’s not true anymore. I don’t care about anything else anymore. Not the way I care about you. I’m gonna die for you,” Luke thundered. “I don’t care if it’s ten years from now, or today, but I wanna die for you!”

“Luke, no!” Katherine gasped, desperately flicking the cap off her lipstick tube to reveal her own spear.

“Drop your weapons, or we’ll shoot!”

Luke silently looked between the surrounding police officers and Katherine, already sure of what he wanted to do. Katherine looked into his eyes, expecting her expression to be full of anger and spite. But instead, she just pleaded silently, her dark eyes wide as she faced the danger like a deer in headlights.

The daughter of Nemesis and the son of Hermes stood tall as the police officers aimed guns at them, spraying them with a hail of bullets as they desperately slashed at them, fighting for their lives.

-

Chapter Eleven

[serafilms]

song 23! try hard (5sos) + park sunghoon (spotify wrapped event)

she’s so out of reach, and i’m finding it hard ‘cause she makes me feel, makes me feel, like i try, like i try, like i’m trying too hard

happy birthday sunghoon! wrote this one especially without being requested because 23 is his jersey number and i wanted to celebrate him today :) hope he has the best day + year

Today starts out just like any other: Sunghoon wakes up thinking of you. Actually, technically his first thought was ‘Wow, I’m one year older today,’ but his next thought was about whether or not you’d wish him a happy birthday, so it still counts.

He checks his phone and fights his disappointment when he doesn’t see a text from you. Instead, he’s flooded both in the group chat and his private messages with well wishes. He sends polite ‘Thank you’s’ to his relatives, tells the guys to ‘fuck off’ in their group chat, and laughs at Jake’s very lengthy and emotional private text, which Sunghoon is sure his friend cried while writing.

Riki facetimes him seconds after seeing that he’s awake and tells him he’d better have his house ready for their joint birthday party tonight.

“Seriously, if your backyard is a mess when I get there, I’m going to clog your toilet so people piss in the yard and then you have to clean everything properly.” Ah, what an angel. “Happy birthday, by the way.”

“Thanks, Riki.”

Then the younger hangs up, leaving a promise that he and the others will arrive before lunch for their planned ‘pre-party group only birthday pizza party’ and to help set up for the ‘real party.’ Sunghoon looks around his bedroom. It’s a little messy, because he lives in it so of course it is, but he knows the rest of his house is in order.

He already obsessively panic cleaned the whole place three days ago, when Jay confirmed that he’d sent you an invite. Man, he hopes you show up tonight. Not that he cares that much, of course (he cares very, very much). Because caring too much is bad, Sunghoon thinks. He can’t show his weakness, even when he is extremely weak. He wonders if he really has gone too far in his delusions and might now be descending into madness.

You care about him, or at least he thinks so, but you always seem so far above him, out of reach (“Is Y/N out of my league?” he asked once, chewing on his burger. “Yes,” chorused his friends. Lovely).

Sunghoon sighs and looks around at his room then begins to clean it up. He can’t have you seeing this mess (not that he’s being presumptuous in assuming you will be in his room or anything! This is Purely Hypothetical).

It’s only after he’s finished, and opened his presents from his family, and received the cake that his mother had delivered for him and the guys to enjoy that he finally opens the door and sees their faces.

Jake immediately tackles him in a hug, and Sunghoon feels like he can’t breathe as he squeezes him and shakes him around. His chest warms with happiness though, and through Jake’s shaking he glimpses Jungwon, Riki and Sunoo in front of him. Jake finally releases him and speaks.

“Sorry we’re late! We stopped for churros.”

Sunghoon furrows his brow. “You brought churros for the party?”

“No, I wanted churros,” Sunoo says, then takes a big bite. “Wan’ some?”

“I’m good,” he replies.

Riki pats Sunghoon on the back, then barges past him into the house and immediately begins examining it like some sort of teenage home inspector.

“Happy birthday,” says Sunoo, then follows Riki inside and immediately throws himself on the couch to finish his churro.

Jungwon repeats the sentiment then adds, “Jay and Heeseung are picking up the drinks and pizzas, they’ll be here soon.”

Thank god I made friends with Jay all those years ago, Sunghoon thinks, feeling very touched, Who else is rich enough to fund their friend’s birthday party?

“Very cool,” he replies, then drags Jungwon and Jake inside.

The other two arrive soon after and they enjoy a nice party without interruption for about 20 minutes until Sunghoon checks his phone and feels himself frown at it being void of notifications.

Are you busy, or did you forget his birthday? Do you just not care about him? If so, you should. He wore ripped jeans to impress you. He bleached his hair in the hopes you’d notice him (though that was also because he lost a bet with Jay). Is he just trying too hard?

“What’s up with you?” Heeseung asks him as he slaps a slice of pizza on top of another to make what is effectively a pizza sandwich.

“Nothing,” he mumbles.

Riki snatches his phone out of his hands and looks at the screen, where Sunghoon’s texts with you are open. “He’s pissy his girlfriend hasn’t texted him yet.”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Sunghoon says sadly, and Jake gives him a pat on the back in consolation.

“Don’t even stress,” says Sunoo airily. Sunghoon doesn’t like how unaffected he seems. Shouldn’t everyone wallow in his despair with him since it’s his birthday?

The younger continues, “I asked her yesterday and she said she’ll definitely be here. So we just need to make sure you look super hot tonight.”

He feels a flicker of hope arise in him.

“It’ll probably take a lot of work, but we’ve got time.”

The flicker sizzles and dies. He glowers at Sunoo. “Gee, thanks.”

However, true to his word, Sunoo makes sure that Sunghoon does look super hot. It’s actually insane how hot he looks. He admires himself in the mirror. Maybe being a try hard isn’t such a bad thing if he ends up looking as gorgeous as this.

The party starts without a hitch and is soon in full swing. His friends are all starting to get very drunk (except Jungwon and Riki, because Riki is waiting until midnight for the sake of integrity and Jungwon is a Good friend who is waiting with him) and Sunghoon feels himself getting a little cloudy minded too. But as he stumbles a little through the hall, he still can’t see you.

But there is someone who looks just like you at the end of the hall and in the kitchen right now. He walks towards them, squinting a little and hearing them laugh and say goodbye to someone who’s evidently leaving the kitchen. Wow, they even sound like you. As he enters the room, the person perks up and greets him, and when he blinks the blurriness out of his eyes, you appear in front of him.

Oh. “Hi Y/N,” Sunghoon says, flushing.

“Hey Sunghoon, happy birthday.” God, your smile is pretty. Your outfit is pretty too, and your hair and your face and your hands, where…

There’s a wrapped box in your hands, and you follow his gaze down to it, then start in surprise as if just remembering it. “Oh, yeah, this is for you! Where should I put it?”

Sunghoon is still trying to comprehend that you’re really here and talking to him as he tells you, “Just on the table is fine.”

Okay. This is his chance. Now or never. “Do you want to go to the backyard for a bit? I need some air.”

Maybe he’s hallucinating a little because of the alcohol (or delusion) but he swears you blush. “Sure.”

You follow him out to the back. He’s surprisingly steady for someone who’s had as many drinks as he has, and stops out on the back porch, turning to face you.

You clear your throat as he tries to get his pounding heart under control. “So how’s your day been so far?”

He can hear it beating in his eardrums, and hopes you can’t hear it too. “Yeah, good, good. Um, can’t really complain. I ate pizza.”

Sunghoon is really not sure what to say now. But apparently the alcohol in his system does, as he’s speaking before he’s even processed the words.

“Can I kiss you?” he says at the same time as you say, “I have another present for you.”

The both of you stare at each other for a moment, not having heard the other’s words. “What?” you ask.

Sunghoon feels his stomach churn and hears an alarm go off in his head. “Um, it’s nothing. You go first.”

You look away shyly for a second. Yep, you’re definitely blushing, he thinks. “I said I have another present for you. I was kind of waiting for the right time to give it to you.”

He’s surprised, if nothing else. “You didn’t have to get me two presents.”

He’s also curious. “So what is it?”

“Can you close your eyes?” You’re avidly avoiding his gaze.

Sunghoon obeys, and the darkness behind his eyes makes him all the more aware of the sound of his heart. He’s nervous and scared and anxious and frightened, and then all of it is melting away because your lips press themselves to his and you’re kissing him. You’re kissing him, and he’s kissing you. Sunghoon’s stomach flutters and he brings his hands to your waist. It’s a very good kiss, and he can taste a little bit of cake on your tongue as it deepens.

Then you’re pulling back and Sunghoon is metaphorically and literally breathless. You kissed him. He kissed you.

“Happy birthday, Sunghoon.”

Sunghoon’s face breaks out into a grin and he takes your hand, lacing your fingers together. He tugs you into his chest and looks down at you. “Thanks.”

And he kisses you again.

[what-gs-watching]

“Breathe it in baby, because I am EXUDING and I am one of a kind.”

Okay so, I fell behind in Doctor Who because I’ve been job searching for like seven fucking months and a few weeks ago one came up that could be a good fit so I was trying to super focus on doing well through the interview loop even though I was pretty sure it wasn’t going to amount to anything because I’d gone through a ton of interview loops by that point but 

Y’ALL, I GOT THAT JOB! My horrible, soul-sucking ordeal is finally over, the paperwork is signed and I have a start date and everything has settled. Which means, I can finally catch up on 15 and my girl Ruby. 

Let’s gooooo!

73 Yards

Alright, I know there was upset around this episode because everyone is like ‘what the eff does it mean?’ but ooooh, I really enjoyed it. It was creepy as HELL and it just never stopped.

Wherein, Ruby and the Doctor pop over to Wales (this mofo really spends much too much time in Wales) and while on a cliffside, he steps on something AGAIN!!!!! and everything goes wrong.

Baby boy, did you not learn anything from the mine? Do you not take a scan around when you land somewhere, or are you just too excited about being adorable in your little yellow jacket and the hat and the stripes? You look fantastic, I get it, but peep down at those cute ass boots once in a while. 

I have to say, I’m impressed by Millie Gibson in this episode. It’s a lot of pressure to put on her to carry the entire thing, and she did it really well. How devastating is it to have your best friend disappear, realize you’re being followed by some crazy apparition that literally scares anyone and everyone away from you? 

Without any explanation. That’s the part that gets me. She becomes a piranha with this horrific THING attached to her and everyone she begs for help leaves her. Eve her MOTHER! It’s a mind fuck.

And I really wasn't sure where the episode was going, so I was excited for Kate Lethbridge-Stewart to show up, I was like ‘yeah let’s get UNIT into this mess’ and then she’s affected too and oh hell, that’s like, the last line of defense. 

Ruby, completely and utterly alone. And they just make her live out her entire life like that. And she tries to fix it, of course, the whole thing with the Welsh politician was a really good attempt babe, I would have done the same thing but then that doesn’t even work?!

And so everyone is all ruffled because, what was the point of it, really? What was the message, what was the meaning??!

Was she actually the apparition? If not, who was she? And then, it just ends and none of it ever really happened at all and there’s absolutely no resolution. 

Why do we love making companions live these horrible alternate timelines? How many times did we make Amy live different lives? I feel like she at least remembered most of them. But with Ruby in this one, there’s no lesson. She learns nothing, neither of them do.

But still, I loved the creeping sense of unease, so I guess I don’t really need all the details.

Dot and Bubble

I’m simultaneously annoyed and intrigued by shows that keep telling me allegories about the dangers of technology and how dependent we are on it. So far, it’s mostly been annoyed, but oh my god y’all really hit the nail on the head with this one.

Wherein, a bunch of privileged youths are existing in a perfect society that enables them to basically LIVE social media, literally surrounded by a bubble that feeds them other people’s inanity all day long. 

One thing I have to say about this episode is that the angles are something else. Lindy, the girl we’re seeing everything through is alternately absolutely beautiful, and kind of weird looking? She’s got perfect social media face. Is that a weird thing to say? I stand by it. It’s like she’s covered in the perfect ring light. It was distracting. And probably part of the point. 

Basically, this girl has no idea that there are monsters in her fake ass society that are eating her friends, and she is very not into the Doctor and Ruby trying to help her. Like, they’re trying to get her out of danger, only to find out that she doesn’t have any idea how to walk without wearing her ‘bubble’ is so deeply disturbing. Watching this girl say “forward” to convince herself to move is amazing and upsetting on a lot of different levels. 

And then out of nowhere, media star Ricky September shows up and he literally starts giving her directions like the bubble would do and I’m like ‘okay that’s interesting’, we’re subverting the idea that this incredibly popular personality is a vapid idiot because it turns out he READS and he’s taking pity on this girl that is literally a shell of a person without the aid of technology. And it was so sweet. 

Basically, this episode is infuriating because at one point Lindy hugs Ricky and tells him she’s never been hugged before (even though we know she at least has a mother) but THEN later, when the Doctor tells her everyone is being killed in alphabetical order and Ricky is trying to fight off the dot that is literally trying to murder her, she RATS HIM OUT. His real last name starts with C, he should be dead already. 

Confusingly innocent and absolutely cut throat at the same time? I guess if you live your entire life exclusively online you don’t go through things that would actually cultivate compassion? Which honestly, is not an unfounded idea. That should make y’all feel queasy. 

And to make it all exponentially worse, they flat out tell the Doctor they can’t accept his help because he’s not “one of us”. Just straight up, really gross, really overt racism. 

15, honey, I get it, but please  don’t beg racists to let them save you. You’re too good for this world, babes. That gut wrenching shout though? Absolute perfection. And the tears. You marvelous thing. 

TL;DR Humanity is disgusting and technology will continue to feed our uglier tendencies. I felt that one deep in my damn bones.

Rogue

Okay hear me out. This episode is EVERYTHING. 

Y’all know I have a thing for boys in love. And I also have a thing for the Doctor flirting with basically anyone. I don’t particularly have a thing for the regency era necessarily, but I AM about incredible costumes and ridiculous plots. 

I was honest to god squealing this entire episode.

Wherein, 15 and Ruby show up to a ball in 1813 so they can pretend they’re in Bridgerton, meet a handsome young bounty hunting rake, talk a LOT about cosplaying, and deal with bird???! aliens???

There are a million details I loved in this one. The orchestra playing an instrumental version of “Bad Guy” and then later “Pokerface”. The absolutely incredible suit they put on 15. 

Not to mention: JONATHAN GROFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Loved him in Mindhunter, loved him in Glee (before it got absolutely ridiculous and when I didn’t know any better) but holy shiiiiiit I would watch him as Rogue every. damn. day. 

River Song will always and forever be my number one love for the Doctor, but I was absolutely immediately charmed by Rogue. I’m not sure why, and it doesn’t really matter. 

How absolutely adorable was the psychic paper displaying “you’re hot”? Or the bit where the Doctor figures out Rogue’s ship is wired for sound and the system blares “Can’t Get Your Outta My Head” and he lip syncs along while Rogue dies of embarrassment? 

The entire episode was just two dorks flirting and my heart was so happy. I don’t know why, but when 15 started singing “Pure Imagination” while showing Rogue around the Tardis, I thought I was going to die. 

I love that he can be so carefree and fun and adorable, but also extremely emotional and unafraid to show it. We’ve seen so many different facets of 15 already, and his obvious and silly flirty self is definitely my favorite part so far. 

Also, the fact that the Chuldur (again, bird aliens I guess? Sure) were basically just a race that went around cosplaying other people was so camp. I’ve seen a lot of posts about how the newest theory is that 15 and Ruby are somehow in some weird sort of tv show universe this season, and this episode definitely fuels that a little bit. 

And maybe y’all are onto something with that, but I honestly don’t care to figure out what’s going on, I just want to be along for the ride.

Of course though, we can’t have an episode that’s all fun and games. The Doctor went all in on shooting his shot with Rogue and it distracted him and it put Ruby in trouble, because of course. Maybe we should stop promising random mothers that their kids are gonna be safe? Doctor, baby, you know that they aren’t always going to be safe. 

But if you weren’t charmed by Rogue before that point, you had to jump on his bandwagon when he pushes Ruby out of the transport trap and just says “Find me” before he’s blasted away with the stupid birds to some far off dimension. 

BALLER MOVE, baby boy. Baller ass move. Because ya know what? 15 is not going to be able to resist that. And you know how I know? Because that boy put your ring on his finger and I will ship the fuck out of you two forever and ever because of that. 

The doctor has definitely been known to  kiss people he’s only just met, but this time might be in the top 3. I thought Madame de Pompadour was good? Nah girl, ya bumped down. This kiss was better. Just me sat on the couch with heart eyes for days.

So yeah, I think I’ve decided I like letting a few stack up so I can watch them in a row. Watching them boomerang between crazy scenarios and thinking about all of that at the same time is more fun. 

I’m loving this season. It’s ridiculous, it’s different, it’s a bunch of things I didn’t even realize I wanted. Gimme more pleaaaaase.

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

I have a slightly different opinion to you on the TTC “whole family” comment. Charles may be going with the whole family to:

1) minimize the aged look (agree here) and show the breadth of the line of succession

2) minimize the appearance/nonappearance of any one particular royal.

To this line, I think it will be everybody, even Duke of York who will hopefully get “lost in the crowd.” I don’t think Camilla’s family will be there (I think it will be Windsor-only (again, showcasing the breadth of line of succession.) And Catherine’s no appearance is minimized.

Anon, I get what you’re saying but it’s been 6 months since we last saw Kate in real time (the Christmas walk) and 2 months since we saw her on screen (the Mother’s Day photo and the video message). And we’re *still* talking about her absence.

Her non-appearance cannot be minimized, not when there’s all these rumors and conspiracy theories about “is she even alive” or “soft-launching William’s mistress” still spreading and being pushed by Sussex Squad.

Charles could run naked through the Horses Guard Parade Grounds and people would still talk about Kate’s absence and the conspiracy theories instead.

[reilliane]

This is my personal obligatory post and apology for my poofing disappearance- if you're not up to read things like these, then feel free to scroll past! Have a good day/night!

—

the poofing, the poofed, and the un-poofing.

TLDR; Bad stuff happened for the entire past year, stopped college just a few months ago to learn the materials myself and market myself in the graphic design industry soon, and got a whole dose of religious epiphany that threw my life around. Wrote in a different account a few months ago to ease and destress without much expectation. Will continue to write albeit there won’t be many updates, had/have to drop original writing plans [right now focusing on a short story for Wanderer, though it doesn’t mean I won’t be able to write for others when I get the time]. May unfortunately discontinue ongoing AUs but will provide a summary for them [I think it’s only Tyranny-?] Will also open writing/art commissions soon, maybe set up a kofi account, but I won’t be ‘gatekeeping’ any content I plan to post. I’m thinking, if ever, it’d only be standalone specials or maybe nsfw [gosh I’m really saying that?] in kofi, buuut that’s just a maybe. Everything else is free to read of course <3 

A really detailed and long [I MEAN IT, MAYBE 1.3-.5K?? WC] exposition under the cut, but of course, it’s optional to read!

PS. I opened my drafts and had one or two finished works there, I will publish those soon. Get ready. Because they’re angst AHAAAAAAAAAA-

PPS. I won’t be able to respond to everyone’s sweet shucking messages in my inbox forgive me But know that I’M REALLY SO TOUCHED YALL I really didn’t think anyone would look for me that much 😭 Someone said I vanished like the avatar and it’s sending me crumpling to the floor.

ALRIGHT STORYTIME LET’S GO—first of all, I haven’t been on Tumblr for so long, nor have I interacted with anyone and coming back,, the web interface bamboozled me.

Anyway- the past year was roooough, like settling in and getting into college.

From the start, my brother and I have known of our depleting resources but couldn’t stop because of our mother’s insistence and my father’s very.. volatile attitude. Double the latter since he has cancer and has been nothing short of cranky and infuriated for the past years—knowing that the money is facing a downward slope because of his expensive medicines and learning that we’ll stop because of it would’ve,, been terribly bad and that's understating the nature of my headstrong, independent, and prideful father.

There were times when he was very somber about his state, but then mad—it was just a really bad time, but my brother and I finally convinced our mom that we had to stop for real a few months ago because money was just tight. Until now we’re hiding the fact from our dad that we stopped under the pretense that we’re only taking one course for the semester :v

We were very lost and torn.

I knew I had to go out and look for a job, but my brother would be doing the same, too—the thing was that we knew our mom couldn’t handle our dad being sick alone, so my brother opted to be the one to find work outside.

I’m learning materials and courses on my own at home, but finding a remote job without a degree is no doubt near unimaginable with how remote setups are almost nonexistent now. The time was just bleak at home, too, my father would ask for bad things to eat that would worsen his health and then blame it all on my mother when he felt body pains and repercussions—it was just BAD, that wasn't all of it, but I digress. Cancer sucks. 

Just a few days ago, I lost my uncle to the same thing, and now there’s an overall family dispute over who gets what and it feels like I’m living a kdrama fever dream [pls get me out hfasjdkfhdsaf]. I don’t recommend it if it’s not romance lmao.

Things were getting so out of hand and I also couldn’t get back into writing or socializing with everyone in my writing socials—but I still wanted to write without the expectation of being able to deliver as I used to. It was a de-stresser for me, so I opened a new account in ao3/quotev and wrote in.. November or December, I think. It was nice, I got to just type away and post and leave it at that.

I think one of the reasons why I didn’t go to Tumblr for that was because I knew I wouldn’t be able to commit to updates, and I love you guys, I didn’t want to say something and promise it’d be given but then nothing. I’ve done it back then and I just, don’t want to do that :(

Despite how heavy and dark the past year was, however, something really unexpected happened—okay here it goes.

As a child, I’ve been taught about Christian doctrine and was brought up to believe in the existence of a God. I didn’t have my heart in it though, of course not, how was I to believe something that I only knew because someone said it to me?? I did attend church out of duty and had a shallow fear of the greater being, but as an authentic believing person? Naw. 

Not until June at least.

I don’t know how to explain it rather I, out of the want to give my mother the chance to go somewhere she wanted to for Sunday, decided to join her for church. I was ready to just daze off and think about some solution to our problems, but then the sermon spoke to me—you know, that feeling when someone is passive-aggressively referring to you in a complaint or something?

It felt like that, only it felt like that message was something I was meant to hear, and boy I couldn’t believe it—neither did my mother [lol]. She told me how shocked she was when I listened throughout the what, an hour and a half of preaching that I usually just dismiss. 

It’s cliche, but my life really changed after that one simple Sunday.

All my tweeeeenty years of living, I’ve asked if God really is real and whatnot and I never got answered until July of 2023. What really cemented my belief in knowing that he is real, is when I decided to genuinely pray—then for seven consecutive days, the Bible would lead me to a page [like just randomly opening a part of the book after prayer] that answered my questions and/or convicted me of something. I'd wake up every day and an event would happen that would answer my confusion and I'd sit in the night thinking 'no way that just happened', but it did. Boy, when I tell you I thought I was going crazy.

Not to mention opportunities such as baptism and ministry suddenly popped my way when I only had the idea in my head and I kept it to myself. At first, I thought it was just a coincidence, but when it ‘popped up’ more than thrice in a single week, I knew it wasn’t. Think of it as like, the thing in fanfiction when it seemed like the universe was saying something to you. Yeah, I felt that for myself. Mindblowing.

I could go on and on about the other life-changing things that occurred, but this would be so long LOL.

But I never regret coming to faith and accepting Jesus for real that day, and although life is still dark for me these days, the burden feels light. It’s an amazing feeling. He's really changed everything.

I’m not going to force anyone these beliefs—I knew how it felt to be on the receiving end and it could get very annoying, rather I just spoke on it to say how wonderful it was to know him, and it would be nice to let others know about my side in case they'd also take the faith. Who knows?

Also, I think I understand what those people were saying now. Again, I won’t force anyone—just reminding and asking you to try if you want, because it’s amazing. Bombard me in my inbox if you’re interested, but no pushing here, because I’m a firm believer that things shouldn’t be forced if it’s not the right time yet. 

Anyway, that was my source of strength and hope to go through these days—and I believe it’s also the driving force that led me to write this out in.. in Tumblr of all places lol. If someone told me this would happen two years ago I'd laugh in their face 💀

Rather than just getting back into writing and opening my social circle again, there’s that bit in me that wants to say that religious epiphany. That said, I know how diverse everyone is in their beliefs so I’ll say it very tersely that, no, I will not be parading and pushing people to believe this and that—this space is, after all, my space for writing :)

Ah, and nor will I ramble about it like shuck lol, but I will, in private, when prompted. 

With that out of the way, back into writing—I was floored when I first opened Tumblr and saw all the notifications and messages about my disappearance and I could’ve cried, really. It touches me poor heart :sob: and I wanted to thank all of you for such caring messages—I wouldn’t be able to reply to all of them [there were many!

Like maybe more than fifteen or twenty, not even counting the direct messages] but know that I’m very- very grateful for every one of you.

I could crawl out of your screen and hug yall but I won’t because I can’t and it’d throw people off KJHFSADKJFHALJSKDFHA

Life is, again, still hard—and navigating it is still difficult, but I’m managing these days. I can no longer return to my usual days of sporadic updates and teasers lol, but I’m happy to say I will still be writing, though it won’t be my entire focus nowadays. When I open writing commissions for genshin and art commissions, it’d get me going, of course. 

I have to let go of most of my beloved works because I realized that sticking to them would take up most of my time when I need to be out there upskilling and taking initiative to start earning money to support the bills. I still wanted to write though, and in my downtime I even got to watching One Piece and writing a currently on-hold fanfiction for that in Ao3, but fuuully realized that, no, I’m no longer cut out for really long written stuff unless I commit to writing a long piece that would take weeks for it to be published. 

In the end I settled for a single character [wanderer bb] short story that I get into writing without much hassle, and make myself happy, still :) I have ideas for other characters, too, but getting them out to be posted would take longer than usual.

My other AUs, as well, since my focus is just.. God, life, expenses, work, then hobbies. I don’t guarantee finishing them [I think Tyranny? And others, like Smite/Mercy/etc.], but I have in mind to write a summary because I meant it back then when I said the plot was really finished. Sighgisghsighs

Opening art commissions, I’d do that soon—writing, too.

Maybe a kofi account, as well—but I won’t be having any posts I want to be posted to be locked behind some tip or pay. I’m thinking of only adding specials there, specials like, standalone oneshots from an AU, or an nsfw piece. Oh golly, writing that is so beyond me, I think that’s the only reason why if anything is going to be in kofi, it’d probably be the nsfw. I plan to keep this writing blog sfw, still. 

But we’ll,,, we’ll see [dying]

So yeah! That’s.. Everything. For the writing thing, I think I’ll technically just be .. here, lol, with a focus on that story with wanderer. Gone are the 7k worded oneshots, now we’re just around 1.5k unless I commit to the creation. The story is so fluffy too [not angst? Surprising] 

But again, I will write for others eventually—can’t say when, or how, or who, but I will in time. 

I have so many plans in my head about my life, and I’m glad to say going back to Tumblr is a check off the list. I have an original novel in mind, but would you all be interested in such a thing? I don’t honestly know—other than opening commissions, I also plan on a Youtube Channel, but that’s uncertain. A Webtoon for my original plot too is a maybe, buuuut those are just what-ifs. Time will tell!

Those are just my two cents and I don’t regret sharing that—you guys have been with me for so long, even if I don’t really know you all beyond that screen, you all really became a part of my life, too :”)) 

If you reached the end of this post, wow, I’m touched. I hope you all have a good day–oh wait, what do I say? Ah yes.

I wish you all a good mornight [fhkadjsfhiajhgf].

God bless yall sweet people.