#and we haven't ever met
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Me whenever my classmates interact with me and I'm reminded that I do in fact exist in and have an impact on other people's lives.
#I slept in so I missed 1st and 2nd period#and one of my classmates asked me where I was and then started filling me in on something funny that happened#one of my teachers anyways calls me another student's name#and apparently today she was calling that student Max#and we haven't ever met#so his/my classmates told him about me??#according to my classmate she described me as 'he's white and always wearing headphones'#(there's not a lot of white people at my school so just by describing me as white she narrowed it down a lot)#and like. you notice me? I exist in your life??#or like. whenever my classmates don't understand something they almost always go to me#A HEEM HEEM WHIMPER
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let's talk about Charles i-want-to-snog-a-man-on-a-killing-spree Xavier
#and that's the least of his problems#like. there is so much fucked up things in that bald head of his#and don't get me wrong#i love this freak#oh and first version of this post went more like:#i wanted to (and still do)(repeatedly) snog a man on a killing spree whom i've never met before and we haven't as much as exchanged a+#+single word. ever#(move away bitches that's my future husband)#but above is easier to comprehend i guess#(i'm judging you xmfc charles)#((but also i get you man))#xmfc#x men first class#charles xavier#professor x#cherik#xmen first class#erik lehnsherr#magneto#Q#i forgot about this one#(yes i'm cleaning my drafts)
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i don't think I've ever enjoyed a birthday party with friends as much as today i am genuinely getting a bit teary eyed
#initially i wasn't planning to do anything but then i thought what the hell what if we go out to drink something#except it was all very up in the air so a good deal of folks couldn't come (which is fine that one's on me)#but the two who COULD make it are genuinely some of the funniest motherfuckers I've ever met and one of them brought his gf along#and we hit it off IMMEDIATELY and THEN we ran into another pal I hadn't seen in a while and hadn't had the chance to invite in person#who also joined in after he finished hanging out with other people and they got me a present????? 😭#i haven't had a birthday with friends in fucking . 3 years between covid and everyone i knew moving away#I'm so happy i think my heart is going to explode#which ik. hey isn't that a very boring and simple hangout YES but also not to me baby i have been in a depression isolation all my teens#i started to genuinely enjoy my day to day life like. 4 months ago ever since starting uni#it feels like turning a new leaf yknow? like. i made it. i made it out. god i could cry#sorry I'm a little drunk
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#feel like my relationship with my younger brother is changed completely forever not to be dramatic lol but i am sad#we used to b very close but he has kind of. found his faith again and gone full missionary christian which like. i knew meant the dynamic#was doomed lmao but actually acknowledging it makes me sad i feel like i'm grieving for the friendship we used to have even though#it is literally a me problem i think from his perspective he doesn't think anything has changed. but i feel weird about everything#also his new gf is nineteen and he is. almost 25 and i am the only one who feels weird about it like i know she's over 18 but! idk i can't#tell if i'm being overly cautious or if my gut instinct is right. my sister & her husband have a similar age gap but they met when they wer#both over 30 so like. it didn't feel weird. and i didn't feel comfortable actually seriously talking to him about it apart from the first#time he mentioned her over facetime (he went to another country to do mission stuff & met her there) so like an idiot i've just been#making jokes about the age gap becausee like. thats always been our thing lightly bullying each other lol but he blew up at me and said#i've had nothing positive to say about her since he's been back home and that he thinks i hate her and i'm out of line for constantly#implying he's creepy for dating someone younger. idk i felt like such a freak idiot horrible person about it. it completely blindsided me#bc yes the jokes were coming from a place of idk how i feel about this situation so i'm going to rely on the humour-based communication#we have always fallen back on as a safety thing but i guess i was wrong or the dynamic shifted or something anyway it's all fucked#& everyone is just telling me i feel weird out of some?? misplaced kind of jealousy thing?? because i'm 'losing' my brother to his gf lol#which does not feel right at all he has dated so many other girls and i have never had a problem it is literally the age gap like i haven't#even met this girl i'm sure she's very nice! i just worry about her being nineteen!! jesus. and yes maybe i do feel some resentment around#a brother younger than me who seems to be able to live his life with zero difficulty whilst i'm stuck being this unemployed loser who ruins#literally ever friendship & relationship ive ever had but i think thats ok right like i can't help feeling that. i don't fucking knowwww#am i just projecting all these sad feelings about our friendship dying onto his new relationship or like. am i right to be genuinely#concerned she's six years younger than him and still a fucking teenager!!!!!! i don't know
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the way some people speak about toshiro is disgusting. egregious ableism and racism aside yall don't even bother to call him toshiro rather than shuro like damn bitch ticking all da damn boxes
#for a show about humanity and the complexity of companionship#yall really don't get it#you can sympathize with laios more due to personal experience while also recognizing toshiro had his own merit#like you do realise toshiro's experience isn't out of no where#a lot of autistic poc struggle with the same things he does because we are held to much higher standards#to speak up is a dishonor. to be vulnerable is a dishonor. to be assertive is a dishonor#i haven't finished dunmeshi but like#yall know toshiro and laois don't even have deep seeted beef with each other after.#i think toshiro even further helps laois later on#an argument or discord between two people isn't the end of a friendship and i dont think yall realise that#and the way you guys treat toshiros relationship with falin is also disgusting#yes marcille knows falin better and would have more trust in their relationship/more love but toshiro does#genuinely care for her even if in a misguided manner. his proposal was meant to highlight his cultures#stigmatization around pre marital courting and affection#he even took it like a champ bro#god forbid a man be in love with the kindest woman he's ever met
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No seroquel means no sleep for me I guess. I've been trying for hours
#decided if im gonna be awake i may as well do something other than wallow in thoughts that cause me anxiety#just super fucked up that i went from believing i could no longer feel romantic attraction#to suddenly being flooded with feelings#and like he didn't even confess romantic feelings for me he just said hed be down to fuck sometime#usually id just be like yeah that's fine i don't usually catch feelings#so it's fucking me up that im having romantic feelings towards someone who probably doesnt feel that way#and it's fucking me up that i caught feelings from being TOLD he'd like to fuck we haven't even done that#sigh i can't pretend like those feelings weren't already there and just extremely repressed....#kept having so many dreams about being in love w him... I'd do everything i could to shake the feeling off#it comes down to insecurities#feeling like i make too many mistakes to be with someone as good as him#the fear that I'll stress him out#one of the most amazing people I've ever met. he has respected my boundaries for years#and i guess those boundaries were only firmly in place bc i knew deep down it would spark something#honestly i felt a huge spark hours before he even told me#whenever he came up behind me and hugged me on the neck#his lips accidentally brushed against my neck and i swooned#we haven't talked since that night but he said he wants to have a conversation about it when he's not busy#he has two jobs#his 2nd one lasting til 1am#but yeah thinking about what he might say is making me nervous#like what if he suddenly decides that it IS too risky#i don't think ill be able to kick these feelings#at least i let him know head on that i might fall in love w him if we pursue anything else#but we haven't even pursued shit!! and i feel this way already!!#i guess not ''in love'' but the crush is hard-fucking-core#the kind of crush i havent had since meeting my ex 7 years ago...#i forgot what the feeling was like. and it's.... so strong#.bdo
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✨Happy 64th Birthday Joe Elliott!✨
I didn't manage to get my new painting done in time for today (tho stay tuned for that👀) so I decided to make a post with all of the Joe paintings I've done!
All the love in the world today to this amazing person! I feel so lucky to have been able to meet him not once, but TWICE, and also to be able to give him some of my artwork too💜 Def Leppard have really been there for me these past few years, knowing them has made me a better person, and I have made some of my closest friends through them. So thank you Joe, for fronting the band that means the word to me, for being probably the coolest guy I've met, and everything else in between! ✨
#now please stop getting older please and thank you x#I actually do have some more Joe paintings (which are on my insta) but for legal reasons we dont talk about them#(they're not good ok sssh)#but these are my best ones!#and are probably also some of the artworks I'm most proud of ever#uGH I JUST LOVE JOE SO MUCH I WISH HE WAS REAL#OH WAIT HE IS BC IVE MET HIM HAHAAAAA#I LOVE YOU SO MUCH JOE I MISS U#also yet I have been on an absolute emotional rollercoaster with my new Joe painting and I haven't even started painting it#but hopefully it will be done soon#Def Leppard#Joe Elliott#Art#watercolour painting#classic rock#classic rock art#rockstars#80s rock#80s metal
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i have met the most beautiful woman in the world and she had a child 5 years ago at the same age as i am rn and it's crazy how the world works
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Now not to be controversial but I'm a big fan of when people are friends
#genuinely half the appeal of any project if whether or not they people working on it r buddies#i haven't watched jury duty yet#but i did listen to an interview with james Marsden about it#and he was like oh yeah we all fucking love ronald none of us wanted to stop being friends with him#when the show was done#i had brunch with him yesterday we talked this morning everyone got his phone number#love that guy he's incredible and the kindest person youve ever met#like aw. they're buds :~)
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Zerowol agenda begins immediately
#koda is going to show her what it means to be loved and appreciated#they have the same vibes as Kaine/Neir in my head. if that makes sense#there are 2 exceptions to me being gay and its for Zero and Kaine specifically i love them. so much. wouagugh#6.3 spoilers#for thr following tags#her development this patch was ouguhoughiouhg does she know how much i love her. does she know#my thoughts are soup but i care her so much#koda is probably the sweetest person shes ever met and she's both extremely confused by it but also she likes that abt him.#she's actually allowed herself to get to know him for and if anything happened to him shed kill everyone in this room and then herself#Koda is very enthusiastically taking her around to all his favorite places#and im so. oughhh theyre so sweet#they might be qpr they might not i haven't decided. but i like them.#what if we were reapers 😳 and we were both t4t 😳
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I'm being a witness of a friend cheating on her bf and I'm getting tired of her playing stupid ☠️
#well she's not exactly my friend I don't think we're in that stage yet since we haven't even met outside a professional environment#but yeah#we sometimes talk about work and other things and she's cheating on her bf (2 years of relationship) just bc some guy she met last summer#like damn#and he's not even a good person while her bf is the BEST guy ever istg I saw him once and he was so good#i feel bad for him#oh and i don't have his number/ig or anything so i can't say anything#it's so sad when people do this#@meyers
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it is actually for real so fucked up that people u were genuine best friends with as a kid are sometimes people u will never see again. and like nothing happened u guys don't hate each other u didn't fight u just gradually stopped talking. but u miss them and u also no longer know them but u still know them better than a lot of people might bc u knew them when u were 10 and 13 and awkward and unfiltered and u remember their birthday and that album they bought u on cd is still in your cd player and u still have that scrap piece of notebook paper they doodled on during english tucked away in a binder somewhere but u can't text them to say hi bc it would be weird. anyway here's to all the friends I had that we forgot to keep in touch I hope u still see things and think of me like I do with u and thanks so much for making me who I am
#did not mean to have this breakdown again today but here we are!!#when I was in middle school one of my teachers said that some of the best friends she ever had she met in junior high#and like. she was right I did the same and now I only keep in touch with one of them and that fr makes me so sad sometimes#like they are the people who made me more comfortable with myself and made me not care so much about looking silly#and we just. haven't talked or seen each other in 10 years#anyway paris my bestie my beloved if u are reading this we are for lifers and u are never getting rid of me that's a threat <3#text post
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your first love hits different
#another day another vent-in-the-tags post#i came across a picture of me and my fiest boyfriend of five years today. picture must've been 10 years old at this point#found many more pictures of him and us on my dad's old pc#i can just feel my body pull and heart ache when i look at him in the pictures#wondering what my life would've looked like if i hadn't broken things off between us#we tried to stay friends and a couple of months later we went for a drink. when daying goodbye he moved in to kiss me#i was hesitant and stepped away. he couldn't bare having me in his life while not being together so he cut off all contact#don't get me wrong in any of my thoughts- i love babe whole heartedly and he's the only man for me now and in my future#it's just that nagging feeling burried deep. the 'what if's. what if i felt more confident about my body back then?#what if i hadn't moved on so quickly? what if i had let him kiss me?#i tried texting him telling him i was approved for gbp surgery (i broke things off because i was very insecure about my body)#he congratulated me and sincerely wished me all the happiness in the world but also asked me not to contact him again after this#it's been 7-ish years but every now and then i wonder how he's doing and what he's up to#he doesn't really have social media apart from facebook (and that page is private) and i only stayed in touch with his former best friend#but i'm not gonna ask him because i know they haven't spoken in years either#i've had plenty more relationships after him but i rarely ever think about those guys#am i okay? is this normal? lol#i should get my head out of this rabbit hole asap#add: the picture is almost 15 years old lol. my math ain't mathing. we met in 2009. not that it's important#i think i just moved on too quickly and didn't allow myself time & space to grieve. that's why he keeps popping up in my thoughts now & then
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YES....... I finished the painting for friends babys naming ceremonyyyyy!!!!!!
I really struggled to figure out what to give to them but I ended up painting lots of Gambian flowers as the mom loves all plants and dad's from Gambia, I really hope they'll like the painting!!!!
#its tomorrow!! i havent seen the friend in too long!!!!!#i haven't met the dad husband ever too!!! I hope we hit off!!!!#my life
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wow
#that was unexpected#sooo i had a date today#from a guy i met on tinder and i always sweared i would never download tinder 😅#well i got curious but it still lowkey freaks me out#anyways we had a gym date#at first i thought he wouldn't like me anymore after looking in the mirror and i always feel like i look horrible working out 😂#and during the working out part we didn't talk that much and i was a bit worried#also yeah the guy looked really good 🫠#really tall almost 1.9m and well my thoughts were 'uh he's hot' and i don't feel like that abt many guys 😳#but then after the gym part we went to this hottub in the sauna part of the gym and talked#and he got closer to me i didn't know what to do as i haven't been on many dates at least not such one's#then he just kissed me asfhk#(which really surprised me on a first date but there also were signs it might happen)#i don't have much experience besides like once at a party but that was hardly a kiss#it felt weird at first but then as i gave into it i didn't hate it no it felt quite good 🫠🫠#and he knew what he was doing for sure...#at times i was wondering wheter i was on some degree asexual as i didn't have a boyfriend yet and such i might not be#altough i don't think i can see myself having sex ever with someone i haven't been together for at least quite a few months#but yeah i did like this and that i had this experience 🙈
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i hate that i'm missing out on things bc of uni work i hate it i hate it i hate it
#we're invited to dinner and i'd love to go but i can't bc i haven't got anything done yet#i haven't seen these people IN A YEAR bc of uni bc there's always something when they invite us and i can't ever go#yesterday i met with my friends which was lovely and i love them so much but again i had to go home early bc uni work#i just hate it so much bc i don't want to like. abandon my life and hobbies for uni and i have to and it's frustrating#our teacher moved the homework's deadline from wednesday to monday bc we have a test on tuesday and ?????#idk how that's supposed to help us prepare. now we just have less time to study bc we have to finish the homework#i-#okay i've complained and now i feel a little better back to work byeee#neg#agnes talking
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