#and we had the opportunity to talk to them about the importance of parental role models in nurturing STEM education.

[lovelybotblog]

─ iv. sympathy is a knife

summary: For some reason the universe always puts you in an unfavorable situation, a super secret mission with the person you don't want to encounter, you wouldn't achieve, not even if you tried. pairing: Satoru Gojo x female reader content: this bitches are messy asf, you guys are classmates but you don't fw his personality, I would say most of this is angst and also backstory from the reader song of the chapter: sympathy is a knife by charli xcx word count: 6.2k

previous

“y/n, come here,” Sensei Yaga called you behind your back.

You pulled your head out of the classroom you were peaking for any sign of an acquaintance. You went for a nap after your morning class but since then neither Shoko nor Suguru had made an appearance, oddly to the usual, because they always managed to sneak on your bedroom and accompany you in the bed or sitting in your desk and finishing their homework, sharing the warmth of the sunset rays invading your room by the window.

“Follow me.” Your superior orders as you close the door in front of you, you raise an eyebrow when you catch a glimpse of mysteriousness in his movements, but never questioning it. You did the requested, walking behind the big figure of his.

You were getting used to sudden motivational talks and secret training sessions. You have met him before entering Jujutsu High, the first time you remember meeting him was at your parents funeral, ten years ago when Sensei Yaga had just gotten his teaching license. Nowadays, you weren’t really saddened by the absence of your parents, you no longer remembered them as much, they were like fleeting memories. You were too young, and you didn’t remember most of your early years, but the way you saw how your life was getting discussed in the living room of your house by your family and some said friends of your parents was important enough to remember.

"She's too young for us to take her, you know that," you remember hearing Yaga say to your mother's sister.

"Well, she is one of your kind, isn't she?" The woman replied, arms crossed, tears pooling in her eyes. You were never appreciated in that family of non-sorcerers, to them you were the spitting image of your father, the man who led your mother astray. "It will be easier for you to control her than we ever will be, that girl is a bad omen."

You still remembered the repudiation that their eyes expressed, the rejection that they always had towards you, a girl who hugged the empty coffin of her parents because the thing that killed them didn’t even leave a trace of their existence.

Your mother came from a middle-class, non-sorcerer family in the suburbs of Tokyo. It was a surprise to them to learn that their youngest daughter had "diabolical" abilities, though they let it pass because she was a good girl and still had time to be rescued, but that hope was dashed when she met your father and announced her marriage. Your father was a deserted member of the Zen'in clan, a promising sorcerer but considered "weak" by the family when he refused to fulfill the role assigned to him.

Sensei Yaga was their younger classmate, one of his closest friends. He never had the opportunity to meet the daughter of his idols due to a busy schedule, until the assigned mission was to analyze the case of their death.

"It will only be a few years, the father's family is not an option." Sensei Yaga implored, knowing what you would be subjected to if you fell into the hands of the Zen'in. If he had the chance he would have taken you under his protection, but the director had been cautious enough and forbade it. With a pension of high digits he managed to get your mother's sister to agree, but that didn’t prevent the Zen'in from finding your existence and with a larger check you being acquired.

He had never confirmed it to you, but you know that deep down he cares about you. Ever since the checkups he took the time to do on you when you were under the control of the Zen'in clan, where you were neglected by the Old Man, how you always called the person who was assigned to take care of you and train you, but he did nothing but scold you and punish you if you didn't do outstanding right away.

 "Are you going to tell me what's all the fuss about or...?" You inquired, hands posing on the side of your hips in annoyance, one of your feet tapping the floor as you saw your professor close the door of his office then moving to the chair of his desk.

He sighed, you always try to show everyone off with a defensive and calculating position, but that didn't work with him, he had met your scared and childish side. "I have a top secret mission for you." A smirk fighted to escape when he saw your eyebrows extend in curiosity and your eyes shine with hunger, waiting for more information. “This is the direction.” He handed you a paper with his writing on it.

"And what do I have to do?" You asked again, unsure of what to think. Usually they gave you papers with all the information about the case, maybe this was different because it was secret. 

The illusion of having your first top secret mission collapsed when your superior spoke again.

"I entrusted this mission to Satoru Gojo in the morning, as I suppose you have noticed his absence in today's class," Yaga respond, of course you noticed, it didn't need a genius to see the lack of irritating noise and the eyes of a creep on your back missing. "He was supposed to just pick up a package and return, tha assistant assigned to accompany him lost him, you have to find him-"

His words were cut off by the paper he gave you, being irreverent thrown at his desk. "Sir, with all due respect, why don't you find another person to babysit that boy?"

Yaga fought the urge to rant about your generation of brats and troublemakers, always harassing his peace, but he just breathed out, "Because you are the best of your class, and the person I trust to bring back the package and Gojo Satoru." 

"Then why did you send an incompetent like him before me?" You huffed, jutting your hip, leaning forward in an accusative way, he was so lying to your face.

“Ehh? I'm your authority, you shouldn't be questioning me, young lady." The professor pointed out, handing you the paper again. He hoped that would be enough for you to take the case with no-whining about it. You took the paper from his hand, dissatisfied with the situation he was putting you on. 

"Is that all?"

He nodded, dismissing you with a wave of his hand, trying not to chuckle as he watched you give him your back grumbling. He knew he might provoke some riot, forcing you to interact with Gojo. Actually, he didn't even need to give his students the mission. It was just a request the principal had made him, an easy to-do, but Yaga was too fatigued and Gojo was getting on his nerves earlier in the day, so yeah, the first thing that came on his mind was sending him away to a ‘mission he was the only one capable to do’.

You smacked your tongue against your teeth as you got out of the car that took you to the shopping district in downtown Tokyo, passing by Gojo's assistant. You couldn't blame him, your partner was a nightmare to deal with, but because of his carelessness you now found yourself searching for the strongest sorcerer on a street filled with crowds of people.

“Which way did he go?” You asked the assistant without stopping your walk, analyzing the street and the stores in the place. It was obvious that he got distracted from the purpose of his visit, you knew that if he had been attacked he would have easily gotten out of it, so that was not an option.

“Over there," the man replied, an unsettling anxious tone in his voice. He screwed up leaving Gojo alone, and now another sorcerer was sent to finish the job. "But that was hours ago. When I went to look for him, I couldn't find him. I don't know where he could be now. I'm really sorry."

“No worries, and thank you.” You reassured him, trying to put on your best smile to comfort him. You didn't know where he could be either, you didn't know him well enough to know where he could be, he could even have already left.

You continued walking down the sidewalk, glancing at the shops trying to find something that your classmate might be interested in. You were sure that the hardest part of the mission was finding him, but for a moment the option of picking up the package crossed your mind. After all, Gojo would be back that night or the next day, but you couldn't afford to leave a classmate behind. You were tasked with returning with the package and Gojo Satoru.

You chuckled, the universe always managed to get him on the track of your life, it was funny because that was one of the few things you avoided. Then you remembered how Suguru, one break between classes, when you and him were laying in a tree, the shadow of it cooling you from the heat of the sun, your shoulder brushing each other, and the first thing he said to you was, 'Why don't you try to sympathize with him?' 

How could you? He threatened your success, your well being in your family was based on how much you could match his strength, they didn't expect anything from someone like you, you were warned to stay away from him, the reason the sorcerer community was shakened. Yet, you thought that if you were strong, you could live a better life. You didn't needed to gain approval by the Zen'in clan, but you did want to prove that you could be better than what they expected, that you could be someone to fear.

It burned you, it embarrassed you the way you think of him.

You finished browsing the clothing stores without any trace of his cursed energy, you were at the crossroads between the souvenir street and the food street. You would be in a dilemma if you hadn't seen the disgusting way he ate morbid amounts of food.

By now he should be hungry, you wanted to be sure you were right, little by little your annoyance began to increase and if you didn't find him quickly, the news of a whole street being strangely banished was going to be on the cover of the newspaper the next morning.

You had been walking for about an hour, approaching the windows of the shops to get a better look at the people, it was easy to notice a tall mop of white hair. You were really trying to convince yourself that spending so much time with non-sorcerers helped you understand them better, but god- you couldn't help but get irritated, noticing how they worried about such insignificant things, living so naïvely of the world around them.

You were starting to think about the 'what if', you hated those words. Rarely, but sometimes you think about what your life would be like if you weren't a sorcerer, nothing ever comes to your mind.

Almost unnoticed, a Mochis stand flashes in the background of your peripheral vision. A strong feeling hit your chest, suddenly cursed energy was screaming all over the place, that was why you hadn't noticed it from a distance.

You strode down to him, sneaking through the crowd of female vendors surrounding him, offering him samples of all kinds of mochi. Of course you were going to find him in that kind of situation. He was so delighted that he didn't notice you by his side for a few seconds, his arms were scoot with bags of shopping hanging, his hands full of the colorful desert, his round sunglasses slid down his nose.

“Mhmp.” You cleared your throat, both arms crossed over your chest to keep from punching his face off.

You watched as his head slowly turned towards you, eyes closed savoring the sweetness on his tongue and a bright smile plastered on his face, which slowly faded as his eyes took in the person in front of him.

"Is she your girlfriend?" A girl squealed beside him, your face twisted, looking up and down at the man in front of you, muttering a ─ew, no─

“Uhh- I- I didn’t knew you were here too.” He mumbled with rests of mochi stuffed in his mouth. He didn't decided yet if the bitterness that had fallen down his throat was because of the surprise of running into you or because of the annoyance that your face directed at him.

"I'm not supposed to.” You grunted, rolling your eyes. “Do you have the package?” You questioned, hoping that you could return quickly to the comfort of your bedroom. But you weren't that lucky, Gojo's face was lost in confusion, "The package? The thing that you were sent here for?" You asked, raising your tone, but your breath left you when the snow-haired boy popped a mochi into his mouth again. 

"Oh, I forgot. I thought I had the day off." Gojo replied nonchalantly, slowly turning his back to you with a giddy smile, taking out money of his wallet to finally make his purchase.

“Huh? How could you forget that?!” You yelp, the vendors of your sides slowly disappearing from the scene. “"I've had enough, let's go." You ordered, smacking his arm, turning your body to leave as you massaged your nose bridge, a pang resounded on the sides of your forehead.

Gojo glanced at you, then the mochis, “I’m not going to waste my time on this.” He heard you say as you walked away.

The white-haired boy quickly exchanged the money for the box of mochi and bowed to the girls in gratitude, and sorry for the bother with your grumpiness. You are so moody─ he thought, following your steps as he carried the shopping bags on his sides.

When he reached your pace, he tried to read your expression. It was the first time the two of you were out on a mission, it was the first time the two of you were alone. But that didn't seem to bother you for him, you were too busy trying to locate where you were, eyebrows furrowed and your lips pouted in concentration.

He giggled, caughting your attention, enough for you to glance at him pissed off. He ignored it, taking the paper off your hand with the directions, reading it fast as he tilted his head to the street on your right. “C'mon,” He said.

"I have to make a call first." You stopped him, walking over to one of the nearby pay phones, the boy looked at you with a raised eyebrow, confused as to what you were going to do but following you anyway.

You stuffed the money into the slot of the machine and called Gojo's assistant. You grabbed the phone and placed it to your ear, the automated voice playing that your call was being transferred. You tugged your earlobe, facing more at the wall in front of you, avoiding Gojo's gaze.

He put his hands in his pockets, leaning against the wall next to you, looking away when he noticed what you were doing. His gaze fell upon a group of middle school girls who were watching you from a table outside a cafeteria, giggling and mumbling amongst themselves.

He huffed, his mind rambling about what was so funny about. He sneaked a glance at you, the way your gaze softened when you heard the assistant's voice, telling him that you found him. Then he looked at himself by your side, shopping bags in his arms. Both of you were wearing the same uniform, he guessed that for other people you looked like close friends hanging around after school, then he thinked a little more, boy and girl, you looked like a- He shook his head at that thought, a warmth settling on his neck.

You hung up the phone again and looked at Gojo, being more surprised that you would like when his cerulean eyes were already shining in your direction, "Are we going?" You said trying to keep your tone steady, letting out the air that the interaction had restricted you, you weren't used to looking him in the eyes.

He nodded, guiding you in the direction where you were going to pick up the package, since he was more familiar with the place than you. 

You didn't notice, too deep in your thoughts, but a smile crept onto the white-haired boy's lips. You were walking together side by side, not you walking with a quick pace so as not to see his face, nor you walking too slowly behind him talking to Suguru immersed in your own conversation leaving him aside, this time it was you and him side by side.

When it came to you, you revolted his insides. Always too bratty, too hermetic for him to catch a glimpse of your true self. He could only see your outside, keeping him away with your indifference, something that causes a strong mordacious sting in his chest, bringing back memories of the rejection he received from his clan relatives and most of his upper classmates. But the difference between you and them was that you didn't show any kind of interest in him, neither positive nor negative.

When you passed by him you didn't look at him, and when you did you looked at him without any trace of expression, as if you were seeing a void. Never showing surprise by his ability to easily complete the ridiculously difficult training Yaga-sensei prepared for him, or by the missions he managed to successfully complete in record time.

But over time Satoru managed to notice that it was nothing more than a facade. You weren’t as heartless and blithe as you wanted to appear. He could see the twist upwards the corner of your lips made while hearing Shoko ramble or the way in which your eyes shone when you observed Suguru slowly getting beat by sleep in class. You would never admit it to him, but Satoru could tell how you cared for others from the shadows and secretly always trying to improve yourself.

You both walked in an unusual silence, making your way through the sea of ​​people surrounding you. Your shoes echoed in unison against the stone floor until the sun set and the moon shone brighter under the cloak of the progressive darkness, leading your presences to an uninhabited street, only a couple of shops still in operation. 

An old store that seemed to sell second hand items sat in front of you.

“Are you sure this is the address?” You questioned your classmate, grabbing the paper with the direction off his hand, no specifications of the place to help you.

He huffed, hanging his head in offense, “Tots.”

You entered the place keeping your doubts to yourself, you were no longer in the mood to question what you were doing. The top secret mission had seemed like nothing more than a joke to you, it shouldn't cost a sorcerer of your size so much. But the universe has managed to make the situation oddly inconvenient.

The lighting was poor, the wooden floor creaked with every step, the place smelled like dust and incense burning. You were supposed to just pick up a package but your instincts wouldn't let you let your guard down. There were only two customers in the store, hulky and grotesque looking, without a hint of cursed energy. But you knew too well that it wasn't synonymous of weakness.

Gojo walked behind you, his gaze shifting from object to object without interest, his hands clasped behind his head. When you got to the glass counter you didn't see any worker nearby, a well-polished golden bell shined in your sight and you pressed it. Gojo must have found it amusingly hilarious, because he pressed it not once, not twice, not even three times, but five times until you pushed his hand away.

He laughed out loud, the sound buzzing around the room as he turned around, flipping through a book on an oak shelf for sale. A man's voice echoed from behind a door at the back of the store, ‘coming!’. You couldn't help but prepare yourself for a possible fight, what if there was a misunderstanding and they didn't want to give you the package? Or if the package itself was of extreme importance and tried to steal it? You had to proceed defensively but there was no sign that those present were sorcerers. Even so, the companion on your side was surely going to want to show off if the opportunity arose.

The door opened, your gaze and Gojo's expectant, a hunched, white-bearded old short man smiled at you. Huh? You couldn't figure out what was so super secret about the situation, there were no obstacles to fight or some extreme security to break.

“Oi! The guys with the spiral buttons,” The man greeted you with narrowed eyes, putting on the glasses that rested on his head, realizing that you weren’t, in fact, men at all. "Oops, my sincerest apologies, young lady." He said ashamed under the thunderous and irritating laughter of your companion, who was holding his stomach and pointing at you mockingly.

You glared at him with flames in your eyes and gritted teeth, before returning your attention to the man in front of you. "Offense not taken." You try to answer kindly, faking a smile that only makes Gojo explode more because of the falseness of it. Maybe this is worse than getting covered in sticky curse residue.

“"I thought no one was going to pick it up anymore, I was told that you would come in the morning." The man pointed out the delay with some displeasure. You took the comment like a slap straight on the face, the snow-haired boy progressively quelling his laughter when it turned into embarrassment.

"I'm sorry, sir. There were some mishaps." You apologized, bowing your head in respect, poking Gojo in the ribs with your elbow to get him to repeat your action.

The old man nodded, waving a hand dismissively, he bent down to open the sliding door of the counter and took out a wooden box with several stamps indicating that it was a fragile product.

"The receipt?" The man asked.

Your eyes widened, you didn’t have it but Gojo quickly reached into one of his pockets and pulled out a sheet of paper folded in four and gave it to the man, who stamped one corner and signed it as delivered. "That would be all." 

You cast a quick glance towards the suspicious men, now looking at a restored Nordic clock. If it were any package you would open it to check it, but it was clearly specified that it was secret even for you.

The harder part was finally over. You snapped your fingers at Gojo to carry the box, he clucked his tongue between his teeth and whispered 'Brat' low enough that only you and he could hear, but still he did as ordered. You pressured him from behind, tossing a thank you to the salesman as you walked towards the exit.

You both walked past the ones you thought might be a nuisance but were nothing more than simple shoppers. You were both dismissed by the door bell as it closed behind you. You let go a sigh, stretching your muscles, you don't even remember when you concentrated so hard to numb yourself that much.

“We should-” The sound of your mouth stops when you notice Gojo looking at you with a smirk, his glasses down in his nose bridge giving space to his eyes shining schemingly. “What?” You hiss, nothing good comes after his head flashes a thought. 

“Aren't you curious what this box contains?" He asks you, running his fingers dangerously slowly over the opening of the box. You're about to say a direct no when he speaks again, “It could be a new special tool,” Gojo smiles from hear to hear, a purr longing in his words. Your low lip quivers, a new tool would be a good addition to your training. “What do you think it could be? Definitely not a type of sword, the box is too small."

You take an instinctive step back as he approaches you. “We are forbidden from opening it.”

Deny it, deny it, deny it, you forced yourself to fight his temptations.

"It's most likely a Kunai knife," Gojo ignored your comment, you growled, being intercepted by his right arm daring to rest on your shoulders, heat flooding your body. Your gaze fell on the contact of his hand with your shoulder, his heat poisoning your skin, making you stumble through your thoughts, you pushed him out of you by nature, or sanity preservation.

"But it would be epic if it were shurikens.” You heard him say, the jump in his voice when you looked at him didn't go unnoticed, he seemed as shocked as you were by his recent audacity. It was the first time he touched you, that he got physically close to you even. Gosh- you didn't even call him by his last name. “Didn’t you say you knew how to use them?" He tried to play it off.

His words brought you out of the trance of his eyes, you had never noticed that his glasses hid so much behind. His orbs resembled the bright water of tropical beaches so much, twining to the clear, aquamarine sky. Eyes shining like the reflection of the moon at night.

"Or receiving him at this place is just a facade, you know, because it's top secret." Gojo continued chattering, murmuring the last two words, his usual giddy smile plastered on his face again.

Your expression closed up, you truly were tempted to know the contents of the box but his way of convincing you was atrocious, he was just throwing a bunch of words at you until you gave in. He didn't even need your permission, and if he wanted, he could blame you for opening it.

Although the culprit would be more than obvious.

“Come on, I know you want to." Gojo coo, passing the box in front of your face, you shake your head, eyes closed and arms crossed. He pouted in annoyance but that didn't stop him from finding the truth himself. "Do you always play by the rules? Bo-ring."

You stuck your nose in the air, you weren't a sanctimonious person, but what was in the box was confidential information, you reminded yourself. Gojo looked to his sides and then lifted the lid of the box, eyes shining with excitement and a smile waiting for a big surprise. 

Who were you kidding, you quickly approached to peek at the box.

As if you had witnessed a divine apparition, you raised your gaze to connect with his. Both of you were expressionless and your mouths were gaped, a confirmation that you didn't see wrong.

You both burst out laughing at the same time, as if you were looking at a reflection. Suddenly there were no barriers between you two, the revelation of the content was more outrageous.

It was a Hello Kitty music festival edition tea set.

Why of all the things that could be, it was just the most ridiculous?

If someone had told you in the morning that later you would find yourself laughing with Satoru Gojo, you would have checked-in the person in a psychiatric center for nutso.

Gojo's laugh was partially dismissed when he caught your smile, you were all laid back with the corners of your eyes crinkled, he felt like a warm blanket embraced his body. He was a little intimidated by the way he felt his pride rise at the knowledge that he now shared a memory with you, that he sighed in despair when your voice hummed like a melody from his ears to the cage of his chest.

Betrayed by his mouth his thoughts escaped out loud, "Knowing you could smile like that I would have made you laugh sooner." 

As if you had been threatened with being pierced by a thousand cuts, you stopped dead.

Gojo felt a heat burn on his cheeks, the words stuck in his throat, but forcing himself to play it cool, “I don’t understand why you are always so pressed.” 

Suddenly the atmosphere became bitter, settling into Gojo's body.

You regained your demure posture, weight once again falling on your shoulders, the constant brickbat not to ruin your family's appearance any further by hanging out with anomalies like Satoru Gojo drowning your thoughts. Your smile faded in eyebrows twitched and nose wrinkled, “I don't hope for you to understand.”

He shaked his head, deep down wishing that he could go back in time one minute ago. 

“And if we are gonna talk about understanding, then I could say I don’t understand why you are so obnoxious all the time.” You snapped, an urge to return him the bad taste kicked in you. Contrary to what people thought, you didn’t enjoy fighting meaninglessly.

You knew that Gojo would one day return the pitiful behavior you directed at him, but you didn't expect to be shaken by such childish and insipid words like 'pressed'.

“You know nothing about me or my past, and I have never messed with you for you to try so hard to bother me and make my life difficult,” Your words came out of your mouth without thinking, as if a dam was overflowing without any control, making a direct path towards the destruction of everything nearby. "Because that seems to be what you want, you stand in one place without thinking twice about If you are blocking someone else's path."

You watched as white strands flew in front of his motionless eyes upon you, his mouth gate open to speak, closing again when nothing came out.

His thoughts bounced around with indecision, he didn't mean what he said, no, it was sincere but not worded correctly for you to understand. Then a crack split in his mind, but did you mean what you said? He wanted to know better than he did, that you weren't as deceiving and hurtful as you scratched, but any trace of your smile and the small dose of warmth it gave him left no trace behind when you noticed his presence. Your indifference hunted him down.

It wasn’t disinterest or apathy. Satoru's theory that his Six Eyes weren’t telling anything to him was wrong, his instinct was sending him signals but he simply couldn’t decipher it.

You were like searching for a message in a bottle sunken in the sea.

He would have every right to be angry at being judged and unwanted without reason, but he was looking for more behind that. Since that day when he saw you talking to Suguru, leaning on his shoulder, fully trusting all your weight in him, with your guard down and your expression so soft and attentive to his words, it made Satoru think that the reason for your behavior towards him was something more than simple annoyance or envy.

He'd be lying if he said he was used to being hated and rejected as well as praised and loved, sometimes he could tolerate it more, but you were like hiding small doses of poison in his favorite food.

"Is that what you think of me?" His voice came out more sneering than his expression reflected.

He didn’t consider himself an understanding person, he tried to be until people convinced him that the world owed him for his existence. That if he was born with the purpose of being better than others and protecting them, then he was at a godlike level above them.

Your eyebrows furrowed and your fists clenched, you couldn't figure out if he was still provoking you or if he was trying to hide his thoughts.

"I don't trust someone who is always smiling and whose only method of communication is to piss people off with wordplay.” You added, catching his grin tense. 

You had been watching him from your peripheral vision for as long as you'd known him. Unlike you, he didn't enjoy a serious fight that was open to negative emotions.

"I don’t like you not because you're immature or loud, or because you've been the face of jujutsu sorcery since you were born." Your words meandered in front of the boy, accompanying you as you got closer to him, each step squeezing his chest, making it difficult to breathe normally. The atmosphere was tense and it progressively closed in even if you were outdoors.

It was twisted the way you could aimlessly shoot your words like bullets to his weak points, but it was more twisted the way he let you keep going just to hear what your perception of him was. As if that would be the key to finding the answers to do the same with you.

He was a better-man than the rest of humanity because he had the power to be worse than any.

“I don’t like you because you were given everything and you don’t seem to take the importance of it, you have every right to not care about it or anyone.”The fact that you were opening your deepest feelings was revolting your insides, your despair crawling weighing on his body.

“Is that so?” He nagged, gripping the edges of the wooden box still between his arms around his chest. Being used so childishly and uselessly as protection from your snipes.

It wasn't just your thoughts about him, but also the emotional discharge you were throwing at him. You were aware that he was not at fault for being the switch-breaker of the community of sorcerers and curses, it just turned out that casualty made both of you meet your paths.

“You represent everything! You are strength and the reminder that weakness exists because you aren't that.” Your voice was raised, piercing his ears, wording him so kindly but also recalling every scolding and reviling surmised to him by everyone who misinterprets him.

"And that's the only thing that makes you oppose me?" 

"Of course not!” You replied, biting your lower lip, hesitant to say what was next, but you were tired of keeping it in. Those feelings wore you down just as his cursed energy consumed his brain, “I'm selfish, I'm ambitious, it frustrates me that we could seem to come from similar and privileged places and at the same time be so different and hurt. I'll never be able to be as skilled or powerful as you, no one else can, I can't aspire much to things that are innate given to you without forgetting my limits."

Your head was pounding incessantly, you didn't know if it was because of the accumulated fatigue or the embarrassment that was growing red and hot on your face.

“But the thing is,” You murmur, stepping closer, the box with the package was the only thing producing space between you, a quick flash of a thought wondered if it wasn’t there, how much would you dare to get close? Enough to slap him? Enough to push him?, “I don’t understand why everyone expects so much from you, because to me you seem just like a kid who obviously would rather not carry all the weight people put on him.”

His eyebrows raised, his eyes widened, and his cheeks tinted pink as your pitiful soft gaze fell upon him, intimidating him as if he were a child again. Anyone would think that you were seeing him as a poor thing, as if you wanted to snatch away what he owned, as if you were going to stab him with a dagger out of compassion. 

But he had the ability to see further than others, physically and figuratively. You didn't need to give him more explanations to make him understand, although your actions firstly made him think that you weren't even a little envious of him, they were uncertain, your sincerity led him further into his thinking.

You were real, you were observant and cautious for that very reason, you had become one of the first people that saw him beyond prejudice. You were capable of being human and aware of your weaknesses, and at the same time being governed by reason and morality. He couldn't blame you for keeping your distance with him because his nonchalant and playful mask had been dismantled without him realizing it.

He played his most annoying card, he tried to bring you to the edge of hysteria to test your limits and he never completely succeeded because you were surely just as or even smarter than him, and you were also testing him. 

It didn't bother him that people thought he was arrogant and apathetic, after everything experienced in his lifetime he concluded that not everyone had the capacity to understand the level he was at. 

When the car that would take you back to Jujutsu High arrived, you got in without saying a word or looking at him, not ignoring him because you were mad but because you understood that what you said not only implied your vulnerability, but his as well.

‘You seem just like a kid who obviously would rather not carry all the weight people put on him’ He couldn't even get angry or overthink about your raw comments that hurt his ego. For the first time in his life he felt truly seen and he couldn't stop himself from constantly smiling about it.

[mirai-e-jump]

Animage November 2024 Issue ft. Miyazawa Yu Interview (translation below)

Publication: October 10, 2024 (between episode 32-33)

A Cleaner Style

The 3rd Lap is a chaotic development, where the intentions of various people will blend together. Among them, Sakito Homura is attracting the most attention.

Sakito lost both of his parents at an early age and had no one to rely on. When he was around 10 years old, he encountered Byun Diesel, also known as Byundi, and set off to space, where he lived a dangerous life as a cleaner. Although Sakito initially said that he had "abandoned Earth," ever since he bonded with Taiya Hando and the others, he now fights to protect Earth from the Hashiriyans.

Sakito has changed through these new encounters, and it's because of them that he has friends that he can rely on, but he can't ignore Genba Bureki, who's walking his own path of loneliness out of a desire for revenge against Disrace, the one who seized his home planet of Bureki. Sakito, who works on his own as a cleaner, uses this position to approach Genba and attempts to pull him back to the Boonboomgers, sometimes by expressing his own feelings to him.

As a result of Sakito's actions and his interaction with Nijino Akira of Ressha Sentai ToQger, Genba's stubborn feelings begin to change.

The day when the six Boonboomger members once again fight side by side isn't that far off. _

-The distance between me and Byundi isn't the same as close friends or brothers-

"After passing through the 2nd Lap, Sakito's become a familiar face, and we think his personality and position, which is independent of the other Boonboomgers, make him a unique character in the show."

Miyazawa: Even before filming, I wanted Sakito's character to find a balance between those three - the calm Taiya and Ishiro and the mysterious Genba, and those cheerful two - Mira and Jou, so that he could go either way. So, I tried to make him two faced, or rather, it was important to give him the calmness that comes from having nearly 20 years of experience working as a cleaner in space, and the childishness that comes from having left Earth at the age of 10 to live freely. I still have trouble raising and lowering the excitement between those two roles, but I'm trying to make that part of my performance bring out Sakito's best qualities.

"We were impressed by how child like you sometimes act, but that was a conscious part of your performance, right?"

Miyazawa: That's right. He knows about space, so he acts as a commentator, but he also screws around, so it's convenient for the comedic parts (laughs). Lately, I've been trying to express that kind of growth in him, like how he's looking at things more calmly now that a few months have passed, compared to how excited he used to be when he first came back to Earth.

"In the 3rd Lap, Sakito has more scenes with Genba, who had left Boonboomger."

Miyazawa: Sakito has Byundi by his side, but I think that because of his past experiences, he's lived his life without relying on others, believing that he has to do things on his own. In the fight with Taiya in episode 18, he also spoke about his disillusionment and resignation toward adults. This overlaps with the current Genba, who's outlook has become narrow due to wanting to take his planet back. Sakito himself felt that he could grow with the help of the Boonboomgers, and in his own clumsy way, I'm sure he wants to pass on his experiences to Genba, even if only alittle, and do something about it. For Sakito's reaction to hearing Genba say, "This is my only shot," after sumo wrestling with him in episode 32, I wanted to express the conflict of, "Is it really impossible to persuade him any further?," so I consulted Director Nakazawa-san about it.

"The Suit Actor for BoonViolet after the Change is Tsutamune Masato-san."

Miyazawa: Not only do I talk alot with Tsuta-san, but we also copy each other's performances. We've never had the opportunity to perform our roles together before, so I was abit worried, thinking, "Is this gonna be okay?," but the fact that we were able to build a good relationship right from the start was good for creating Sakito's character.

"Something indispensable for Sakito is the existence of his partner Byundi."

Miyazawa: Byundi's his partner who's been through some difficult times together, Sakito can talk to him about anything, and if something happens to the other, they immediately rush over. Figuratively speaking, he's like an older brother to Sakito, so while I'm conscious of their brotherly relationship in my performance, in terms of the distance between them, he's not his brother, best friend, or even a parent. Having a relationship like these two where you're together all year round is unusual, isn't it? That's why I think Byundi's existence is unique and special.

"What kind of conversations do you have on set with Takada Masashi-san, Byundi's Suit Actor, when it comes to expressing the relationship of those two?"

Miyazawa: I wanted to realistically portray the perfect harmony between Sakito and Byundi, or rather, what it's probably been like since Sakito was little, so I've talked about alot of things with Takada-san. Like, when he sat on Byundi's tire as a chair in episode 24, or when he watched the battle between the Aori Family and the Hashiriyans on Byundi's legs in episode 29. For improv like that, I consult with Takada-san, who tells me places where I can hop on with, "This is a good spot," but also adds more ideas.

"What's your impression of Hanae Natsuki-san, the voice behind Byundi?"

Miyazawa: I've watched Hanae-san do post recording multiple times, and have also had the chance to talk with him. Hanae-san always manages to skillfully "train" for my performances, and he improvises quite abit. In the baseball scene in episode 23, when he was cheering for Sakito, he kept saying, "Sa-ki-to!" (laughs). During recording of the scenes between BoonViolet and Byundi, when I record first, I'll think about how I'll interact with him, and when Hanae-san records, I think about how I'll respond while watching Tsuta-san's movements. I thought a relationship like this was wonderful. It's not often that you get the chance to work so closely with tokusatsu professionals like Tsuta-san and Takada-san, and Voice Actor professionals like Hanae-san, so I've been taking in alot from them through this experience.

-A decisive battle with the Cannonborg, I also carried Tsutamune-san's feelings on my shoulders-

"In episode 32, the most recently aired episode, from "Ressha Sentai ToQger," Suzuki Right's Shison Jun-san and Nijino Akira's Nagahama Shin-san made guest appearances."

Miyazawa: I worked with Nagahama-san during filming and Shison-san during post recording, and while both of them are senior Sentai members, above all else, they're senior actors, so it was a great honor for me to costar with them. Still, I also thought, "I absolutely can't lose." Sakito himself isn't the type to get carried away just because some seniors came along. Both of them took on all of our acting, so I went into it with the feeling of "I'm gonna give it my all."

"In a positive way, there was a sense of rivalry."

Miyazawa: Yeah, it was one sided though (laughs). I did feel alittle frustrated because I could see the difference in our abilities, but I also received tons of positive encouragement.

"So far, which episodes are you particularly attached to?"

Miyazawa: It would have to be episode 25, that was one of the turning points for Sakito, and it left a deep impression on me. How would I show the change in Sakito, who used to say, "I'll give this planet to Hashiriyans," through his involvement with Boonboomgers? While doing it I was thinking, "If Sakito and BoonViolet can't liven things up, then this episode will be ruined." Just from the script, I was especially excited about him using the weapons everyone gave him in the battle against Cannonborg, and I thought Tsuta-san would definitely do some cool action, so I went to observe filming to get a better idea of what to expect during post recording. On set, Tsuta-san was speaking BoonViolet's lines, and I could really feel his emotions through them. In order to convey Sakito's feelings for the Boonboomgers and Earth, I tried to use my voice with as much passion, if not more, as Tsuta-san's actions, and for the first time ever, I was sweating during post recording. I also wanted to show Sakito's innocence in the fireworks scene at the end.

"It truly was a scene that showed Sakito's gap."

Miyazawa: I was like, "You were so cool defending Earth, and now you're all hyped up about some festival!" (laughs). Still, I believe that the build up of those efforts has led to his current development.

"Are there any situations you'd like to play as Sakito in the future?"

Miyazawa: I personally feel like, "Please let me do whatever I want!," but if I were to list them all in detail, there'd be no end in sight……However, I wonder what'll happen to Sakito at the end of Boonboomger's story. Sakito's current goal is crushing the Hashiriyans, but unlike the other Boonboomgers, he doesn't have a goal like competing in the Big Bang Grand Prix. I also wonder what kind of answer he'll give on whether he chooses to stay on Earth, to which he's grown increasingly attached to, or to return to space where his cleaner acquaintances are. I'm really looking forward to the moment when I find out how Sakito feels after achieving his goal. _

Q: What's your favorite manga/anime?

I've watched a variety of things, like "Kimetsu no Yaiba," which features Hanae-san in it, but if there's one work that I really like, it's "ONE PIECE." I've read the original story in Shonen Jump magazines, and have participated in the card game tournaments (laughs). For characters, I like Eustass Kid and Charlotte Katakuri so much, that I put them in my card game deck. Kid is cool in that he's a madman with a surprisingly passionate side, and Katakuri, despite being a villain, is very compassionate…….Perhaps it's because they both have something in common with Sakito that I'm even more fond of them. (-Miyazawa) _

Transcript of a Cleaner

Sakito, along with Byundi, have been cleaning up trouble as the best cleaners in the universe. Here's a glimpse of how they've been taking care of things on Earth.

Delivery of the Legendary Sword Client: The Hashiriyan Family His delivery to Cannonborg was his first job on Earth. Later, in order to pay off his debt to the Boonboomgrs and allow Byundi to meet Bundorio, he disposed of Sword Grumer, the legendary sword that had mutated.

Disposal of the Boonboomgers Client: Cannonborg He was left with no other choice but to take on the job after his precious trading cards was stolen. However, he withdrew from the request because Cannonborg involved Kakeru, his old friend and the owner of the card, and his family.

Fighting with the Boonboomgers Client: Taiya Hando Out of anger for putting Kakeru in harm's way, he accepted this request from Taiya immediately after breaking things off with the Hashiriyans. Since then, he's rushed to join the Boonboomgers in their battles against the Hashiriyans.

Disposal of Cannonborg Client: The Boonboomgers The only way to prevent Jackie Hoi Hoi's reactivation, is for Sakito, the fastest of the six, to stop Cannonborg. Sakito hunted down Cannonborg with the weapons entrusted to him by his friends.

Support for the Spy Job Client: Ishiro Meita At the request of the ISA, Ishiro was trying to retrieve an item from the Aori Family. Sakito took things upon himself to help out, and together with Byundi, they attracted the attention of the Aori Family and assisted him in his work.

[muneca-lemon-steppa]

Interviews for New Beginnings: Part 1

Alfie Solomons x Fem!Reader, Fluff

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: Swearing, Period Era Sexism

A/N: Hi guys! This is my first fic in over a year, but I dont know I just wanted to have fun! Also lets be real... i needed these ideas out of my head. Please enjoy, have fun! Have an amazing rest of your day! Hi everyone!!! So this became a multi chapter story! This has been so much fun and I am so excited to see where this story goes! If you are interested in continuing this story, go to my tags and click ‘Interviews for New Beginnings’ there all parts will be together! Eventually I’ll put together a master list for it! Love you guys so much, I’m so glad you guys are having fun!!

You had heard about this job from your cousin Eli. And maybe that should’ve been the first clue that perhaps this may not have been a completely legal or safe or upstanding or above the table or whatever good adjective your parents could come up with position. But you had told Eli that you needed a job! And he did find you one! And your parents should be overjoyed that you will be working in the same “bakery” as a male cousin. It’s not proper for a woman to be working without a family member’s presence… especially where there are other men in the office.

“When you go in there be sure to look strong, but not too strong, emphasize that you’re docile and you want to please him.” Eli had been quizzing you about your skill sets and how you were to behave in the interview the entire walk to “The Bakery”. And while Eli was so sweet and more of a brother than a cousin… you couldn’t keep your irritation at bay.

“Tell me Eli… am I interviewing for the position of personal secretary or personal wh-“

“And don’t be so quick with that mouth of yours! Listen… Mr. Solomons is one of the most important men in Camden. This could be a really big opportunity for you. Being the personal secretary of one of the biggest names in the city can give you a steady income and some real independence! But that means you can’t be so…”

“Myself?” You say with a cocked brow and a bumped hip.

Eli’s eyes lit up as if a child he had been teaching finally understood arithmetic, “yes! Yes exactly! Listen while you’re in front of Mr. Solomons, it’s ‘yes sir’ and no questions asked. Got it?”

You sigh and roll your eyes. It felt like you had had this conversation so many times in different ways. Why did your parents care to educate you so much if you weren’t allowed to use your mind? You had asked your father many times, if God gave you a mouth and brain, why shouldn’t you be allowed to use them? And he was never really able to answer beyond a couple phrases talking about the ‘role of women’. You had just been fired from a doctor’s office due to talking back to an unruly patient. Truthfully, this was your last shot to get real independence. It was either this job… or letting your parents begin the process of finding a husband.

You finally reach the door of the bakery, and Eli turns you toward him to fix your hair and straighten your sweater, “Ok ok. Here we are dearest. Now just follow me, don’t make eye contact with everyone and just… be good.”

You chuckle out a, “Yes mum.”

With a laugh he shoves your arm, and gives his name to the young man standing by the door. With a nod he opens the door and lets you in, quickly following Eli’s steps.

While Eli said you couldn’t make eye contact with anyone he never said you couldn’t look at the bakery. It didn’t take you long to notice that while all the men were wearing aprons… there was a distinct lack of… bread… or anything to do with bread. Soon after this you began to feel that memorable tickle in your nose. Rum you thought to yourself. With a smirk you ran up behind Eli and whispered, “Wow quite the bakery Eli. Does the family know about your little rum house job?”

His face was pale, and he was clearly in no mood to joke. With a huff you returned to your previous pace, and you see that the office is just ahead.

Suddenly you feel the flush in your neck, and begin to steel yourself. You had of course heard about Mr. Alfred Solomons. The King of Camden. The Brave War Captain turned Ruthless Gangster. Eli was not kidding when he said that Mr. Solomons was one of the most important people in the city. He ruled the community. This was not the time and place for your mouth to act up. This was the time to behave and play it safe.

Eli rapped the door of the private office gently, and was met with a gruff, "What now!?"

Eli with a shaking hand opened the door, "Mr. Solomons? It's me Eli I..."

"What the fuck do you want eh? Come on now yeah you interrupt me and just stand there acting like you've been struck dumb by God. Come on!!"

Eli kept stammering, basically useless, so you stepped up, "Mr. Solomons, I'm Eli's cousin. I'm here for the secretary position."

Mr. Solomons eyebrows furrowed, looking you up and down. You couldn't help but feel like a child in front of his stare. Fiery, discerning, and just plain terrifying. "You said you're here for what?"

"The secretary position. My cousin said you were in need of a secretary."

Mr. Solomons looked at Eli and looked at you, "And you think you're qualified for a secretary position?"

The heat in your chest started to grow. And you could feel your temper begging to be let out. But you had to make a good impression. You needed this job. You needed to be sweet and to behave.

You nodded, "Yes sir, I can assure you I am I-"

"I'm sorry treacle but this simply will not do." Mr. Solomons cut you off. "What I am doing here right? I'm running a legitimate business. I am running something very difficult that little girls like you simply could not deal with yeah? Now run along and go do whatever young girls do yeah?"

"Mr. Solomons I-"

"Treacle now you're making me a little frustrated right, I said run along now."

You could feel the heat rising and rising, and Eli tugging at your sleeve, "Mr. Solomons if you will just listen-"

Mr. Solomons rose from his desk, "WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE I SAID LEAVE."

"I AM YOUR NEW SECRETARY DAMNIT."

The room went silent. The entire bakery went silent. And from the corner of your eye you can see different men pausing, waiting to see what would happen next.

Alfred Solomons, for the first time in his life, was left speechless. The last woman who had yelled at him was his mother. Usually, women run and hide from him upon the first interaction. Men have wet themselves from his bellowing. Yet... this little woman is standing here, screaming at him, demanding to be heard. He did not know what to do, he could only stare at her.

You tried to be good. You really did try! But it was too late now. Mr. Solomons was just staring at you, and you had a point to make.

"Mr. Solomons, I am the most capable secretary that you will ever have walk through these doors. I am fluent in Russian, Yiddish, Hebrew, and French. Not only can I read and write, I was the best in my class in maths. I am a damn good baker, though clearly you do not need my services there. I am incredibly punctual and polite and am able to talk to anyone. And to top it all off, I make a very good cup of tea. Now I put on my best dress and shoes and I walked 45 minutes to get to your ridiculous office and I will be damned if I will leave here without a job! Do I have your attention now sir?"

While you were speaking Alfred Solomons had slowly lowered himself into his seat, with a smile on his face. He was stroking his beard, considering your fiery eyes, and the shape of your lips while you yelled at him. He began to laugh to himself, "Come sit down treacle. Eli, get the fuck out, stand by the door."

You turned to look at your cousin, but he had already closed the door behind him. You walked to the desk where Mr. Solomons was sitting, and took a seat directly in front of him. Where he had been leaning back in his chair, he was now leaning forward on the desk, resting on his elbows on top of a thick layer of papers. His eyes twinkled, and a handsome smirk played on his lips. Your rage was still simmering, and it was hating you for staring at those eyes.

"You can read and write?"

"Yes."

"How fast can you type?"

"80 words per minute."

"You're good at math?"

"You want to put a slate in front of me and have me recite a King's speech as well Mr. Solomons?"

He barked out a laugh, "Fuck me. You've got a sharp tongue on you don't you?"

"I have language why not use it."

"Fucking hell...alright listen here you little viper. I want you here every morning at 8 o'clock. Ready to work. You will have many a late night in this job. You will be my personal secretary, which means when I say "come here", I better see you before I finish that sentence. You'll need to write letters for me as well as manage my meetings alright? You will be my shadow. Any questions?"

"What is my salary?"

He paused, staring at you, seemingly trying to see how low you would take, "4 pounds a week."

"6"

"Good Lord what do you need 6 pounds a week for? 4 and a half and thats generous."

"Mr. Solomons I'm not stupid I know what you do. You need me. You want to become a respectable businessman you need someone like me to make sure your affairs are in order. I know you are working with many different people, and you need my abilities. I am the best you will ever have. 5 and a half."

Alfred keeps stroking his beard...wondering how the hell Eli could be related to someone so strong... and how much it was going to cost to keep you, "5 pounds a week. And I will give you a Hanukkah bonus."

"...And Rosh Hoshannah off."

"Done."

You stood to shake his hand, firmly, though he kept smirking as he shook yours. "Alright my little viper, I will see you tomorrow. Bring ink and a notebook. We start at 8."

"Thank you Mr. Solomons. You won't regret this!"

"Alfie. You will call me Alfie from now on."

The way he said it while staring into your eyes brought a heat to your cheeks, and you prayed that he couldn't see any change in your demeanor. "Alfie." You whispered as you nodded and walked away.

He couldn't help but linger there in that moment, watching you walk away, speaking animatedly with Eli. Never had he ever felt so... struck by a woman before. He had women before of course, but no woman had captivated him the way you just did. He needed you. He needed you with him, in any way that you allowed him to have you near. Maybe this was a mistake, but he highly doubted it. How could a mistake be so beautiful?

"OLLIE!" He yelled, "WE NEED A DESK AND CHAIR NOW!"

[corpse-water]

okay so i’ve had some time to discuss jade shadows with buddies and digest the full story.

tw for talks about misogyny and pregnancy

okay so this update was bad. i’m not gonna really like. sugarcoat this at all. it was bad. it’s bad from a writing perspective, it’s bad for future story elements in the game, it makes the stalker look like a stupid asshole. for an update that was selling itself as a lore-heavy piece, it kind of told us a lot of nothing and then just said a lot of other shit.

jade shadows is not an issue because of its themes of motherhood. it’s not an issue because there is a pregnant woman there. it’s not an issue because stalker is a dad. it’s not an issue because it’s a straight love story. and i’m saying all these things upfront because i feel like people are misinterpreting the issues that others have with this specific quest. it isn’t because of any of that. people aren’t butt hurt because this wasn’t a toxic yaoi update or because stalker wasn’t transed. that isn’t the point.

warframe has shown us interesting stories from/about woman before. from exploitation by the orokin and others down to lotus’ struggles with motherhood. these stories have been present since the game’s conception and they’re been important in the plot before. so they’re capable of writing a story about women that doesn’t reduce them to baby makers or weak or helpless in the face of struggle and suffering.

i think having a story in the game about a pregnant warframe isn’t even bad. i don’t care. i think it would squick people out but, it very genuinely could be another story about the orokin attempting to take autonomy away from people. motherhood is important for some people and it could have been an interesting story about that! about taking back autonomy from an empire that sought to completely remove that from its lower caste of people. that is to say if jade had been given… any? autonomy? at all? we’re never even shown what she does in order to protect stalker? we don’t get speaking lines from her? she just lays there and is pregnant. she literally serves the narrative device of being a pretty incubator. when did they meet? has she just been pregnant the whole time? for a thousand years? what is happening? hello? it’s so dark in here. (i have a lot of issues with the pregnancy from a narrative and story writing perspective.)

you can also have a story about fatherhood. again, it could have been a story about two people fighting against a system that sought to exploit them. to strip away the autonomy of choosing to be a parent, of choosing to be a father, of choosing to be present for the child. there is a lot to say about how the orokin hurt and exploited people and having a story from the perspective of would-be parents having their humanity stripped from them would have been a good story. it would have been really interesting to see! and DE is completely capable of writing that story.

i think this confuses the stalker’s motivations, too. why would he hate the tenno if the orokin had done this to his pregnant gf? what do the tenno have to do with literally anything here? is it because of the power vacuum left behind after the orokin were killed off? (in before people are like “we’re not getting the full story on purpose” or “we don’t have enough information yet”: then it shouldn’t have been told to us that it was going to be a lore-centric quest. because it wasn’t. so i get to complain about getting no information in the quest that was supposed to have at least some information.)

once again, and i cannot get over this at all, jade has no speaking role. she has not capacity to express her wishes or autonomy at all. she doesn’t move. she gives birth and then she dies. we hear from literally everyone else that “this is what she would have wanted” and “we have to honor her memory” but any opportunity at all for the character herself to express literally anything is… not there! she’s given no substance, no action, no voice. and the narrative bends over backwards to portray that this is what she wants. this is what is right. and you hear it from almost everyone else other than… the person whose body is at stake. you hear it from ordis who had never met jade or even knew her or could know what she wanted. you hear it from hunhow who… why would he know? he also didn’t talk to jade?

all in all, it was a messy, rushed, and narratively confusing and frustrating quest. it gave us pretty much nothing, confused people’s motivations, gave us a pregframe (as an aside: isn’t it kind of fucked up that you’re building the frame to be pregnant. again. isn’t that fucked up? you’re puppetting around a dead pregnant woman? anyone else?) and… a warframe baby? i guess?

“it’s about fatherhood and the sanctity of life”. it’s barely about fatherhood at all, actually. i would argue that narratively fatherhood is barely present in the game. you hold baby. you go to the moon. that’s what fatherhood is, i guess! like sure… whatever…. corpus lady steps aside for a warframe baby. guys what’s happening here. what’s going on.

0/10. DE you can save this by letting me bullet jump as the baby. you made infant prime a reality. now take it back.

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

i want to say something thats been bugging me for a while but there was this whole argument about katara and zuko being FUNDAMENTAL in each other's character arc and that baffled me because its simply not true? you can say they play an important role but to say they are fundamental is over exaggerating it. as fundamental at least to me inherently implies they are the foundation for each others arcs. like it got me sooo confused because i in no way see how zuko plays such a role for katara and same with zuko. because did we just forget that uncle iroh is the one thats actually fundamental to zuko? i feel like i never see him get talked about by these "zuko fans" unless its from a book with like one or two short sentences thats very clearly uncle iroh being a stereotypical dad and being like "oh a nice girl maybe good for zuko?" as if he wasn't pushing zuko to bring home a girl and getting him to go on a date with that girl in ba sing se idk to me it reads off as a parent thats just yappin lol

regardless of that though, im still baffled by that. katara isnt fundamental to zuko's character arc, uncle iroh is. zuko isnt fundamental to katara's character arc, her mother is (and i'd argue aang but i feel like that would just cause a shipping mess by even breathing his name lmao) anyways sorry but that still gets me to this day because how utterly confusing i found it. no one was even saying that they didn't play an important (role along with the other characters in the gaang) in each others arcs, it was saying they simply are not fundamental and that, for some reason, made them so mad lol

I'm sorry, anon, but I am saying they were not important to each other's character arcs, and this is taking into account my bias as someone who really likes their friendship. If a character is not around for someone's arc, or on their mind during it, they're not relevant to said arc.

Katara canonically saw him as nothing but the generic face for evil Fire Nation people until their talk in Ba Sing Se - only to then immediately regret her moment of empathy towards him and never mention him again. And as I've already said, that moment meant so little to Zuko that he couldn't even understand why Katara was mad.

They don't start interacting for real until Zuko the second of half of the final season, and they're not friends until the show is TWO EPISODES AWAY from the finale.

In The Southern Raiders, Zuko is basically the guy driving the taxi so Katara goes on her revenge quest. This doesn't hold a candle to the three seasons she spent being supported by the Gaang (or two in Toph's case), always thinking about her family, mainly her mom.

In the Last Agni Kai, Katara is just there to take action when it's time to shout MEDIC! This doesn't hold a candle to Ozai and Azula's shadow constantly hanging over him, Iroh's advice, the memory of his mother, his relationship with Mai, and the simple "Maybe we could have been friends" from Aang that was canonically haunting Zuko for months because it got to him that much.

Now, do I think it's possible, and very likely, that they will be very important in each other's lives from that point onwards? Of course! They ARE friends now, and if someone is in your life they're gonna play some kind of role when you're going through stuff. It's only natural.

But in the actual canon events? No, they were not important to each other's arc. They didn't have the opportunity to be - and that is part of why I wish the show had 4 seasons instead of 3, or that the comics had not sucked. It would've been so nice to see Aang not be the only member of the Gaang that plays a major role in Zuko's arc, and vice versa (especially with Toph, not only because I love their friendship but because she was denied a life-changing field trip).

[ncisfranchise-source]

With cameras soon to roll on their buzzy NCIS spin-off, Michael Weatherly and Cote de Pablo have gotten into the weeds on NCIS: Tony & Ziva. The pair were part of a large NCIS contingent here at the Monte Carlo TV Festival to celebrate the juggernaut franchise hitting the 1,000-episode mark. It included the mothership series’ Brian Dietzen and Wilmer Valderrama who also talked about the expansion of what posters up for the Festival are referring to as the ‘NCISverse’.

What is known so far about the NCIS: Tony & Ziva spin-off is that it will follow Tony (Weatherly) and Ziva (de Pablo) and their daughter Tali, in Europe, and that they are forced to go on the run while trying to work out who is after them.

Weatherly and de Pablo were careful not to give away plot points, but did talk about how and why the series came about. “We wanted to take these two characters away from the Agency and put them in a world, and the world that was attractive to us was international,” de Pablo said.

She added that wherever her and Weatherly went they were being bombarded with the same fan questions: “It was always like, ‘whatever happened to Tony and Ziva, do you think they’ll ever get back together, where are they?’ And all of a sudden, we had the opportunity to put it together into a show.

“We’re trying to address all of these questions, and the idea of trust, and how they move forward… they’re trying to make things work while also parenting and having a lot of challenges thrown at them.”

Weatherly said the show should really be called Tony, Ziva & Tali because the couple’s daughter will play such an important role, shaping the story and introducing “a new element of trouble.”

“Every choice that Tony and Ziva have to make in their adventure, their child is first and foremost in the front of their mind,” Weatherly said. “When we were on the NCIS the mothership, we didn’t have children.

“When you have a child, you have to navigate what is best for them. And then maybe you have a co-parent that you have a tumultuous relationship with… and oh, wait, we also have to save the world.”

In the core NCIS show, Weatherly’s character had left after Ziva’s presumed death to look after their daughter. When Ziva was discovered alive, the pair were ultimately reunited in Paris. Weatherly said the first choice was to shoot in Paris, but that was derailed by the Summer Olympics in the city: “Budapest will stand in for parts of Europe and the cameras will move some very exciting other places.”

Weatherly and de Pablo are exec producers – as is series writer and showrunner John McNamara. Filming is set to begin in four weeks. The lead actors both talked about the fact their show switches up the tried and tested NCIS format with a showrunner who has not worked on another series in the franchise: “It’s not an evergreen, procedural, it’s not structured the same way,” Weatherly said.

He admitted the change had the team asking themselves some serious questions: “Will the audience show up for that? Are we shooting out of our weight-class here with a different kind of story? John [McNamara] is not from the NCIS universe, so we’re introducing a new voice. I think those things that might a few years ago have been to our detriment became assets when people started really understanding streaming.”

Brian Dietzen and Wilmer Valderrama Want In

Could other NCIS stars make an appearance in Tony and Ziva’s spinoff? Dietzen, who plays Dr. Jimmy Palmer on the mothership, is game. In a lighthearted moment during a press event, he was asked about the spin-off: “I’m so happy for Michael and Cote and think John McNamara is going to do a fantastic job for them,” he said. “It sounds very atypical for NCIS as far as the storytelling because it won’t be a case-of-the week type of show. That said, if they say: ‘Hey we need Jimmy Palmer on a plasma screen’ at any point, I’d say hell yes, that’d be fun, I’d do that in a heartbeat.”

Fellow NCIS-er Valderrama said he would also like to some European action for his character in the mothership series.

“I’ve explored so much, I have got to do a lot of good things… but I’d like to maybe have my character be undercover somewhere in Europe, to leave Washington DC and have my character embedded in Italy, France or London,” he said.

[lindszeppelin]

https://www.instagram.com/p/C8uVjDEpG6K/?igsh=NWNhNXl0ZmppMjVi

Kaia is a brand ambassador for Omega and she’s been doing work with them. For some reason I can’t help but find this kind of ironic yet funny, because you’d think someone as big and important as Kaia Gerber would be doing stuff for brands like Bvlgari or Tiffany & Co. but she’s not. Heck even something like Gucci or Chanel, the “major brands”.

I know that Omega is also a big brand, but the way Kaia and her team try to play up her importance, as well as the way her family basically lives off of status, you’d expect her to be doing bigger things with bigger more well known household brands.

I also find it interesting that Cindy hasn’t really done anything of big importance in recent years, perhaps she’s pushing Kaia to do bigger and better things. Perhaps many of the things we see Kaia doing are ideas she got from Cindy. I doubt Kaia is tried of doing these things, but maybe she feels she has no other choice. It’s all she and her family seem to know.

That brings me to her acting career. The last “major” role she had was AHS and she bombed that horribly. Now every time we see her in a role it’s either so simple and minor, or she barely has lines. Yes everybody has to start somewhere, but the biggest thing about Kaia is she uses her connections to succeed. You’d think with all those connections she uses she’d be doing bigger roles with more line and screen time, look at Dakota Johnson, she’s not very good either but she stars in movie, but Kaia isn’t and probably won’t ever. That’s because even though these people are doing favors for her family, they know she’s a horrible actress so they give her these crumbs to appease her and in turn her parents. I think it’s the same with the fashion world. Her walk isn’t groundbreaking, her face never serves anything other than constipated, and she cannot pose for the life of her. We know she’s only a model because of her mom, but the fact that she hasn’t been given opportunities like Bella, Gigi, Kendall, or any other nepo baby model says that the people running the fashion world know this just like the people in acting world.

I saw someone say that people are going to tire of the brand she promotes with the random useless paps walks and calls for attention in anyway she can get it. Saying all that I’ve said above, I’m lead to believe that even the entertainment industry is tired of her. Why would they need one layered boring Kaia who is only worthy of attention when she’s being compared to her mom or dating someone who’s career is one fire? Especially when they already have 300 of those in stock, what Kaia is doing is literally what so many before her have done and still do. The Kardashians are a perfect example of this, but at least they give the public something to talk about and work with. Kaia literally gives us nothing, not even teasing crumbs, especially because she surrounds herself with people who don’t work that way. She’s constantly around people who are private as hell, and then she pretends to be the same while still calling any attention she can get to herself. It also doesn’t help that she doesn’t have a personality, like at all, and when she does it’s fake and never consistent. No one is going to want to work with something that changes every few business days because it’s not easy to market. Why work hard as fuck to market her when there are people easier to market?

She tries to play up her importance so much and yet every so often we’re shown she really doesn’t have much importance at all. Like the Met Gala this year, no one really gave a damn that she was there. She was a background thought to many. At the LA Bikeriders premiere she thought she was important enough to to be on carpet, hell she thought she was important enough to walk said carpet and she just isn’t. Same with Palm Royale, yes she got some attention, but not the amount that she’s lead many to believe she deserves. Same with the other movies she’s in. Unlike with Austin and many other popular actors like Zendaya or Timothee, when she’s cast in a movie her name doesn’t make headlines, she’s written in as a footnote. The attention to her roles is so small you’d forget she’s there until you see her.

I do think she’s starting to realize this and I also think that’s part of the reason her latest activity had made such a dramatic turn. Not only is she at the end of her “relationship” with Austin, everything she’s done during that time, and before, hasn’t worked for her. She’s got to realize she’s wasted all this time with this man, who she hasn’t been able to make love her. I believe she believed she would make him love her over time and that didn’t happen, I mean why else would her and her team keep pushing this “settle down” angle? She’s spent three years, and honestly longer because of her time with Pete and Jacob, being someone she isn’t to get something she’ll never get because she’s went about it the wrong way.

She could try and change, but after all this time is would simply expose how fake and unauthentic she is. She’s at a point where she’s pretty much stuck. And it must suck for her, to realize she’s not as important as she’s pretended and she’ll never be more than the daughter or girlfriend of. You can tell the mask she’s put up is slipping and the spoiled entitled brat she is coming out. If you compare how we see her now vs 2 years ago, even a year ago, she has more of an attitude. She seems less pleasant to be around, very bitchy. Her spoiled childlike nature is showing because everything she’s doing is akin to a kid throwing a tantrum after not getting their way. She’s acting out and I guarantee she’s taking it out on Austin, or at least trying to. His behavior at the premiere and after shows exactly that. I believe no more than ever he is over it all and is really done. I think the reason he’s waited so long is because now it’s easier for him to slip away because she is showing these colors. Even if everyone isn’t paying attention enough people are and they’re starting to call Kaia out, they aren’t letting her manipulate them any longer.

I know a lot of people feel helpless when it comes to this relationship, but believe it or not when we speak out about her and the relationship it helps Austin. In Hollywood image is everything and if Kaia’s image takes enough damage, Austin could get away completely unscathed. The Life&Style article said everything it said purposely. They could’ve leaned more into the “They have nothing in common” angle, but they brought her career up and they brought it up for a reason. Also they didn’t just say acting or modeling specifically, they just said career, which could mean Kaia takes nothing she does seriously. Which she’s proven many a time.

This is long sorry, but I’ve been thinking about this a lot.

SHEEEEEEESH ANON THIS WAS AMAZING. this deserves to be a #1 New York Times Best Seller. everyone...read this right now lol

all i really wanted to add was that Omega is getting blasted right now because they use alligator skin for their watch bands. and all the comments on kaia's branded post you just shared is NOTHING but spitting in Omega's face for promoting animal torture for their watches. and honestly? slay to the comments. kaia is so stupid for not doing her research (or not caring at all) to work with a brand that is so troubling that they aren't cruelty free. i think every brand is making an effort to be more animal friendly. so for her to work with this stupid watch brand and for her campaign with them to be filled to the brim with nothing but controversy is her karma.

[blackstorm-x]

ty blackthorn and the resurrection arc

Let’s start by the fact that Ty’s childhood was very complicated. He, like Julian and all his siblings, were only kids when his parents died. Not to ignore the fact that he had to watch Julian kill his own father. Ty’s autistic. He doesn’t perceive life as all we do. Ty was different, and not many people (read this like NO ONE outside his family) wanted to understand him. He didn’t have friends (before Kit but that’s something I won't talk about because I don’t want to cry) because no one wanted to be his friend. That had an impact on him and made him rely more on Livia, his twin. They were always together, they knew each other better than anyone else. 

I would dare to say that Livia was the most important person in Ty's life. And sometimes I wonder how people can not comprehend the reasons why he kept going on with the resurrection spell. How many people are ready to judge him only because he is different and they don’t even mind trying to understand how complex his character is.

Autism plays a big role in a person's life. I’m not autistic, I won't pretend that I understand everything perfectly only because I try to teach myself about it. But I'll try to develop my perception about it, and, please, don’t hesitate in correcting me if there’s something that I’ve misunderstood. Based on some experiences I’ve read about, I understand that our minds work differently. For autistics, change feels different. They don’t like change. And their way of expressing emotions and thoughts can vary to non autistic people. Us, neurotypical folk, we really have not a real understanding of how their minds are. How they think, how they feel. We can try to understand and empathise but it's not the same. So, there’s more of Ty Blackthorn than we know and we understand. 

With the resurrection arc. That’s something very complex that many have misunderstood or overlooked only because we are talking about Ty. It’s not the first time we had a resurrection. We had Jace’s and, after Livvy’s, we had Jesse’s. It’s still not logical in my mind how people reacted so badly to Tys resurrection arc when they praised Lucys and Clary’s. Don’t get me wrong. I know the details and context behind each one of them. Each one of them had consequences and the fact that these people decided to do them doesn’t mean it’s correct. What I don’t understand is why people were so fast to crucify Ty when they were very open minded about Clary and Lucy. 

However, I didn’t bring on Clary only to talk about peoples opinion. I brought her because her resurrection arc had an impact on Tys. After the conversation with Magnus, it was evident to me that in Tys mind it was FINE to resurrect people because that was something that had happened before and had no consequences (in front of The Clave). Ty knew that Clary resurrected Jace, and perhaps he ignored deliberately that it was a different situation or saw no difference. The thing is that I don’t think that someone took the time to explain to the younger shadowhunters that resurrection spells were not right. That there were consequences linked to them. You might think that that is something obvious, but, as I mentioned before, we don’t perceive the world in the same way (that’ll be boring anyway) and maybe there’s some kids that didn’t fully understand what happened. Let’s not forget that even Clary and Jace were very young when this happened. If people dying young is something normal, why wouldn't it be, for some of them, resurrecting people seen as something normal as well? 

Ty didn’t see the consequences. He only saw the opportunity to bring back the person that always had been to his side. It is true, as Kit said, that Ty had his family and him. But losing someone is never easy. It was not the first time that Ty had lost a relative but I think this time was more hurtful for him. And I understand with those who get mad about Livia because she did deserve rest. Don’t do all of them deserve it? But something that we some understand is that losing someone really close is not easy. Ty needed his family to be more aware of him after Livia passed away. But the one who was with him was Kit, who, afraid of losing Ty, couldn’t face Ty and talk with the truth before everything escalated so quickly. Lets not forget that they were 15 as well and that barely had adults around to watch their actions. And I can’t blame Julian either because he’s always been so careful of his family and has sacrificed his whole life for them. He also had his own problems and the spell that Magnus did on him to not to have his feelings for Emma didn’t help. Honestly, I think that this situation (as many others) was a product of all the older shadowhunters being neglected. 

This analysis is not to say that I think that Ty’s actions were correct. Because actually I don’t, but I understand the reasons behind them and I empathise with him. Ty, like many shadowhunters, lost more than is acceptable for a person. 

[thequiver]

Who is.... Xuân Cao Mạnh | Karma? - A Reading Guide

Xuân Cao Mạnh is an X-Men affiliated character from Marvel Comics first introduced in 1980. Xuân is a Vietnamese refugee who parents both died on the passage to America, leaving her in the care of her uncle and in charge of herself and her younger siblings. Xuân's family is very important to her and drives much of her story. Xuân is most commonly associated with her first team and close friends, the New Mutants, and spends a considerable portion of her appearances with them. Xuân is also a lesbian and an amputee!

Despite the heavy importance of her heritage to her story, it was not until 2023, some forty-three years after her introduction that her name was officially changed to something recognizable in Vietnamese. This interview, with Vietnamese comic creator, Trung Le Nguyen, who had the opportunity of writing Xuân in 2023, does a great job of breaking down the issues with the spellings we see in earlier comics. While the change has been made to correct her name now, for most of the issues in this reading list you will still see the unfortunate old name of Xi'an Coy Manh and the nickname "Shan."

Reading list under the cut!

Introduction and New Mutants

Xuân was introduced prior to the formation of her first team. She spent a fair amount of time with the New Mutants before moving on to a more personal mission. Please note that this period contains some absolutely disgusting and highly targeted fatphobia towards Xuân specifically.

Marvel Team-Up (1972) #100A Marvel Graphic Novel (1981) #4 New Mutants (1983) #1-6, 29-34 New Mutants Special Edition (1985) #1 X-Men Annual (1970) #9 New Mutants (1983) #35-37 Secret Wars II (1985) #9 New Mutants (1983) #38-40, 43-44, Annual 2 X-Men Annual (1970) #10 New Mutants (1983) #46-48, 50-52 Fallen Angels (1987) #1-2 New Mutants (1983) #53-54

Search for Siblings and Adulthood

Xuân makes the choice to leave the New Mutants to search for her younger siblings, and embarks on what also becomes a journey of self discovery! She doesn't always have a HUGE role in these issues, which is heartbreaking, but when it comes to Xuân it's helpful to have as much information as possible even if she's only in one or two panels...TRIGGER WARNING: during New X-Men there is a deeply uncomfortable plot in which Rahne (Wolfsbane) forms a romantic relationship with a student....and all of the students are mad at the child and the staff (Xuân included) talk about how they need to forgive Rahne....

Wolverine (1988) #4-8 New Mutants (1983) #81 Wolverine (1988) #27-30 New Warriors (1990) #45 X-Force (1991) #33-34 Beast (1997) #1-3 New Mutants: Truth or Death (1997) #1-3 X-Force (1991) #75 Mekanix (2002) #1-6 X-Men Unlimited (1993) #43A New Mutants (2003) #4-13 New X-Men (2004) #7, 9, 13-15 New X-Men Yearbook Special (2005) #1 New X-Men (2004) #16-19 Decimation: House of M- The Day After (2006) #1 X-Men: The 198 (2006) #1 X-Men (1991) #183A X-Men: Manifest Destiny (2008) #1C Uncanny X-Men (1981) #501-503 X-Men: Worlds Apart (2008) #4 Uncanny X-Men (1981) #504 X-Infernus (2009) #2, 4 Uncanny X-Men (1981) #508

New Mutants- Again

In 2009, Xuân joins the newly reformed New Mutants and things are....definitely interesting.

New Mutants (2009) #1-4, 6-10, 12 X-Men: Legacy (2008) #235 X-Force (2008) #26 Uncanny X-Men (1981) #524 X-Men: Second Coming (2010) #2 New Mutants (2009) #15, 17-22 X-Men: Legacy (2008) #246 New Mutants (2009) #25, 27-28 Wolverine and the X-Men: Alpha & Omega (2012) #4-5 New Mutants (2009) #33

Regenesis & Utopians

Following the schism between Cyclops and Wolverine, Xuân followed Wolverine to Westchester where she once again found work at the school. After Utopia was abandoned she joined a group known as the Utopians.

Astonishing X-Men (2004) #48-56, Annual 1 New Mutants (2009) #44, 49 Avengers vs. X-Men (2012) #11 New Mutants (2009) #50 Astonishing X-Men (2004) #57-59 X-Termination (2013) #1 Astonishing X-Men (2004) #60 Age of Apocalypse (2012) #14 X-Treme X-Men (2012) #13 X-Termination (2013) #2 Astonishing X-Men (2004) #62-66, 68 All New X-Men (2013) #40-41 New Mutants: Dead Souls (2018) #1, 4, 6 Uncanny X-Men (2018) #12-19 War of the Realms: Uncanny X-Men (2019) #1-3

Krakoa

Like most mutants, Xuân moved to the island nation of Krakoa, where she rejoined the New Mutants...again and underwent the crucible in order to give her twin brother another chance at life.

New Mutants (2019) #1-2, 5, 7, 9-11, 14-19 Marvel's Voices: Pride (2021) #1L New Mutants (2019) #20-24, 26, 30-31 Love Unlimited Infinity Comic (2022) #31-36 New Mutants: Lethal Legion (2023) #1-5

Extra:

The 2023 Magneto series goes back over some New Mutants (1983) things to bring back Magneto the teacher, Xuân's in it and it's written by JMD so you know I had to recommend it!

[tyrannosaurus-trainwreck]

Touching back on the “writing good parent-child relationships” thing, I think it’s important to remember that kids are going to have a lot of interests and hobbies and fixations and stuff like that that parents are either going to suffer through or just be extremely confused by, and that’s fine, to be expected, etc. The thing that you’re looking for is that the adult is actively looking for common ground, taking the kid’s interest in the thing seriously, and supporting the kid’s healthy engagement with the thing.

Back in the Before Times, I was going to a lot of live entertainment, and every performance had a certain amount of second or third wheels who were very ??? about the whole thing that they’d just sat through.

The big difference was between the people who acted put out by the whole thing and said shit like “I hope you’re happy, you got to see ______, can we go home now?” and the people who were patently bewildered but keeping a lid on it and asking things like “Did you have fun? What was your favorite part? Do you want to see if they’re doing autographs or selfies at the merch table?”

Like, “I have no idea what the shit I just sat through, but clearly this is speaking to you in a profound and meaningful way and I want to participate as deeply as I can because I love you and this is bringing you joy.”

And of course, if you do this shit to your partner, eventually they’re just going to dump your ass because you’re such a pill about stuff that excites them and life’s too short for that nonsense. If you do this shit to a child in your care, they... can’t really do that until they’re 18. So the lesson they take from interactions like that is not to get too excited about stuff they care about within earshot of you/an adult or not to admit to any interests that you aren’t also very interested in, because they’ll be ridiculed or treated as if they’re annoying for having those interests. It creates this whole raft of communication issues, because the parent becomes a person the child can’t entirely trust to have their back and starts selectively editing themselves around.

It’s a great way to wind up with a parent-child relationship where the kid knows they can come to you for a loan or because they need a ride halfway across the continent or help hiding a body, but they’d never in a million years talk to you about how serious they are about a romantic partner or how bad their seasonal depression disorder actually is or why they quit that “dream job” they had for a few years. If you don’t immediately understand or approve of what the kid’s telling you, you’re going to be a jackass about it and shut them down, and it’s not worth the risk of being vulnerable.

Conversely, the “I have no idea what the hell just happened, but I love you and you seem pretty stoked about it” parents are a great way to wind up with “he’s a little confused, but he’s got the spirit” relationships where children feel confident that even if their parents are going to need a few months and some research to understand them, they’re willing and able to put in that effort and can be largely trusted not to dismiss the child’s experiences and desires out of hand. Will their parents be perfect? No, of course not. But their parents are willing to put in the work to meet the child where they’re at, which lowers the risk for the child deciding to trust them with big revelations.

It’s of a piece with parenting relationship advice that I’ve seen before, which is going out of your way to create opportunities for you and your kid to learn together on the same level and to resist the urge to step into the role of an “authority” during those activities. For example, if you’ve never worked with clay before and you and your kid are doing one of those “mommy and me” classes where you make a bowl or a plate or something, you focus on making a bowl with your kid instead of getting sucked into being an unpaid teacher’s assistant because you’re a parent and therefor vaguely In Charge even though you don’t know shit about ceramics and your ersatz authority is solely by dint of being twice as tall as everyone else at the table.

In terms of fiction, it can be useful to delineate between parents that a character can reliably turn to as an Authority (but not necessarily a whole lot else) and parents that a character could conceivably go to for actual life advice.

[velangdon]

AMATIVE→Michael Langdon: Chapter 1

The oppression in my chest remains constant with each step I take. I can occasionally feel tears welling up in my eyes, but I try to keep them at bay. Though I feel an oppressive knot settling in my throat, preventing me from breathing freely, I summon enough courage to approach the entrance of the Palace where the last and greatest party of the cooperative is going to take place.

Despite not yet finding the answers or the adequate reasons to understand how so many people here can feel comfortable celebrating an event that will mark a before and after in the world, the end of everything and everyone, the end of an era and the beginning of another.

Everyone is celebrating the future deaths that will occur tomorrow.

My body is trembling, and although I'm trying my best to keep my legs from collapsing at this moment, I cling to my father's arm. Gripping the fabric of his coat sleeves between my fingers and taking gentle steps to maintain my balance due to the anxiety and nervousness my body is experiencing.

"Calm down, Vitney. We're just approaching the entrance."

My father's harsh voice echoes in my ears, and my stomach tightens as I hear his words. I can't keep calm in a celebration like this, and especially not when I know the secret behind it all.

As we approach the entrance, the knot in my throat continues to tighten, preventing me from uttering a single word. I want to look at my father, but I know that doing so would only dig my own grave since my emotions would collapse and my vulnerable gaze would cause problems between us, not to mention I would receive a lecture from him calling me too sentimental about simple things.

Unfortunately, what seems simple to others is as important to me as my life itself. And this celebration is no exception.

After what feels like an eternity, we finally arrive at the entrance of the Palace where a man and a woman are welcoming all the guests. The woman, who appears to be no older than 25 years, wears an elegant dress with many details in the sleeves, but it's a very dull gray that makes her look sad and drab even though she gives a friendly smile to all the guests. She is in charge of collecting the invitations, and her partner, a man with tanned skin and a friendly expression, is in charge of keeping track of the guest list. He also wears a suit that seems expensive, but it's the same depressing gray as the girl's dress. My mind wanders a bit regarding their role here, which, although they don't appear to be slaves, they somehow manage to give off the impression of being servants of the place. And for some reason, a pinch registers in my chest as I dwell on this naive but profound thought.

When it's our turn for the reception, the girl in the gray dress gives me a sweet and cordial look. I make my best effort to return the same kind of friendly look, but I'm so overwhelmed by all my thoughts that I can barely manage to give her a smile. To my father, who is engaging in small talk with the man in the gray suit and making sure our names are on the list, I give a discreet and suspicious look. He looks so excited to be entering here that it gives me shivers.

"Everything is in order, your names are on the lists of second-tier guests" The man at the reception tells us. "Welcome, and don’t forget to grab a black mask from the box at the end of the hallway. The theme for this last celebration is a masquerade ball."

The mention of a masquerade ball surprises me a little. I've never had the depressing opportunity to attend a cooperative party, but I was completely sure that all the times my parents had attended similar celebrations, the theme was never taken into account, except for the dress code. And I didn’t know if it was something I should be worried about or not, but the idea that this could be deeper than it seems makes me feel anxious and impatient.

I'm lost in my thoughts until I feel my father gently pushing me to start walking again. The woman and man in the reception area lift a pair of elegant silk curtains in a deep crimson color that covers most of the palace entrance, and gesture for us to enter. I hold onto my father's arm tighter, practically just following his steps, unable to control myself.

As we enter the palace, I realize how gloomy and drab the atmosphere is. The decoration is so gothic, elegant, and dreary that I feel as if I am in a castle from the 18th century. The lighting is dim, but it allows me to see a bit of the style of the place, where the walls have details in gold and black. There are some chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, and the light they emanate is a peculiar reddish tone due to the candles, which are the same shade. The windows have arches as the main detail, and the glass they are made of is slightly dark, as if it has some extra-material that does not allow light to pass through completely. Additionally, there are statues at each corner of what appear to be angels made of marble. They are enormous but beautiful, and it is easy to notice that they are very expensive. I can't completely distinguish the identities of the angels, as they are not familiar to me. But as we move farther and farther in, finally my gaze is frozen on one of the marble angels situated on the side of me, next to a dark hallway leading to deeper stairs. I force myself to stop walking and stand in front of the divine image.

"Lucifer" I quietly whisper to myself, as I am surprised and confused by the sight of the statue of the angel.

I can hear my father sighing next to me, and clearing his throat. My mind races for a moment and something in my chest presses firmly.

"What's surprising you so much, Vitney?" my father asks, a hint of confusion in his voice "There is nothing there"

"The statue, don't you see it? It's Lucifer, the angel..." I reply, pointing to where the statue is. His gaze is so confusing that it makes me want to cry.

"I said there's nothing there, Vitney. Enough" he says harshly, grabbing my wrist with some violence and dragging me away from there, making me walk quickly. "It's already late. We should have been at the celebration for half an hour"

I feel like protesting because of how harshly he speaks to me, but something forces me to keep quiet. The palace belongs to the cooperative, or at least that's what I understand. This means that everything here, including the decorations, are symbols that belong to what this society is. My father has just denied having seen the statue, but I'm sure that the marble angel was Lucifer.

Why does the cooperative have a statue related to the fallen angel?

"Vitney, you have to stop daydreaming" He puts his palm under my chin, forcing me to look at him "I need you here, darling. You know that this celebration is very important to me and your mother, don't you?"

"But dad, I was just..."

"Vitney, no. That's enough. We will enter the celebration and you will put a big and beautiful smile on your face, do you understand? You are my daughter, the daughter of one of the most important cooperative members" he says, squeezing my chin hard, making me gasp for air from the pain "Don't you dare ruin this, Vitney"

His words hit me hard in the heart. Again my throat closes and the prickling in my chest returns. I have never been enough for my father, and my role has always been to be what he wants me to be. The perfect daughter who acts like a shy and well-mannered young lady. Always wearing the most expensive and elegant clothing; the type of woman who has her life mapped out and resolved.

But none of that is who I am.

My father removes his grip from my chin and observes me sternly. Tears form in my eyes, but I hold them back to remember I have makeup on and my vulnerability will likely cause even more anger in him. I lower my gaze to the floor for a moment, until in my vision I see a very elegant and feminine mask in silver and gray tones with some crystals embedded in the edges, as well as lace around the corners of the mask. My father makes a gentle gesture for me to take the mask and place it. I do as he asks, tying the ties of the mask behind my head, a little clumsily because my fingers tremble softly.

"You look beautiful. Now all you need is to remove that bitter face and smile a little. I know you can do it, darling"

I take a deep breath and nod uncertainly. I try to smile as best I can, but I know it comes across as more of a grimace. My father's face lights up in response to my silly expression, and he puts his arm through mine. We walk down the hallway again, and with his free hand he puts on the mask he chose to use. There's nobody around, but the murmurs and music are starting to build. My body tenses a little, and the mere idea of being about to enter a celebration full of greedy and sick people like the cooperative makes me nauseous.

After a few minutes, we arrive at another long passage, but this time there is a delicate shimmer of light at the end of it. Some laughter and shouts of excitement approach, and a shiver runs from my feet to my head.

"Your mother must be completely hysterical not to see us coming." my father says, guiding me towards the entrance at the end of the corridor "You will have to explain the reason for our delay to her."

After hearing his comment, I press my lips together and frown slightly as I divert my gaze towards the new room we are approaching to. Many people belonging to the cooperative are in front of us, and they seem happy and incapable of allowing anything to ruin this moment that is so important to them. Some women are wearing high-end designer dresses, and utterly stylish masks. Men are wearing suits tailored from exclusive materials, and some masks are eerie. I don't know if I'm awestruck or scared, but the surprising thing is to see the repetitive colors in the outfits of everyone.

Red and Black.

As we move forward, the music becomes clearer and the murmurings a little softer. There are walnut wooden tables everywhere. Some attendees are sitting taking appetizers, and others are simply drinking their glasses or having a pleasant conversation. My eyes move from one person to another, and I realize with a start that some impudent and curious glances are directed at me and then at my father. I keep my eyes fixed straight ahead, but the corners of my eyes betray me and before I realize, I realize that all the attention is centered on me.

It could be because of my dress that doesn't even match the theme or the fact that we arrived with a visibly late delay. But in any case, discomfort begins to affect me, and I have never wished for anything as much as I want to escape from here.

"Look, there is your mother. I'm going to introduce you officially with important people. Be kind and polite, Vitney. It's the only thing I ask of you."

He points to a table in the corner of the room where a group of women and men stand, their masks and masks even more unusual than those of the other guests. I squint my eyes a little, distinguishing my mother thanks to his jet-black hair tied in a typical bun on the back of her neck. I see her laugh joyously, and for a moment her smile is contagious, spreading the delight that she emanates.

In a short moment, she throws a quick glance our way as we approach her table. Her lips part in surprise at our appearance.

"Vitney, my princess!" My mother screams enthusiastically. She quickly rises from her seat and runs forward a little, making her heels clatter against the fine marble floor "You look beautiful, sweetheart!"

She gasps with excitement and hugs me tightly as she reaches me, closing my eyes for a moment, as I feel the sensation of my eyes forming more desperate tears.

"I apologize for the delay..." I reply in a low voice, hugging her around the waist "I was just a bit nervous, and Dad got frustrated again, as always..."

My mother sighs and then separates from me. She gives the people seated at the table a quick glance before turning to me and walking with me to a place away from everyone. She strokes my arms and shakes her head softly.

"It's understandable sweetheart, these kinds of celebrations can be overwhelming and ... especially knowing that it's your first time in our world." She smiles. "Don't let your father ruin this last night for you"

Don't let your father ruin this last night for you.

An impulse of disappointment grips me, and again the oppression in my chest weakens me. My mother's words sound so harsh and true that I want to burst into tears. I don't know how I can bear being in this place, considering that the Apocalypse is around the corner. And that surely anyone who is underneath one of those masks or masks is the mastermind behind the next catastrophe.

My mother hugs me again, and even though I try to prevent it, I'm feeling emotional again. Tears run down my cheeks like a river, and I hold her tightly. I can feel that some people are looking at us, but the only thing I can think about is staying close to the only thing that has helped me stay on my feet since I was a child, and that's my mother.

It feels like a farewell, and that's what hurts the most. Because I'm sure she has no idea what's going to happen with us either, even though my father made it clear that the cooperative has built a kind of bunkers around the world to serve as a refuge for the elite.

We are supposed to be part of that elite.

"Don't make it sound like a farewell, Mom" I reply with a quivering voice "Please. We'll be fine, right?"

She looks at me, smiling sadly. She strokes my hair without saying anything, and then joins her hands with mine. More tears form beneath my eyes, and now I cannot stop them. She gives me a gentle squeeze on my hands. I'm about to ask her for all possible explanations she can give me because desperation is killing me slowly, but quickly she takes me by the waist, turning me to the opposite side of the room. She squeezes one of my shoulders, and I watch her in confusion.

"Mom, what are you..."

"Vitney, be quiet. Your father is coming here" my mother squeezes my shoulders, looking in a specific direction "Stand up straight, dear"

A few seconds later, my father is already standing in front of us. He wears an overly visible smile on his face and moves to my side, separating me from my mother's arm.

"Dear, you're coming with me. I need to introduce you to someone" my father says with enthusiasm, placing a hand on my waist and leading me through the tables "Be on your best behaviour, okay?"

"Who do I need to meet?" I ask, a bit irritated, not understanding the situation.

My father does not reply, and he forces me to keep walking between the tables, holding on to my wrist firmly. I want to get out of his grip, but he is stronger than me, and he does not notice my discomfort. I am a few seconds away from yelling at him to let me go, when a voice becomes present behind us, and my father stops abruptly. He turns quickly and forces me to do the same. I lower my gaze and close my eyes, refusing to face my reality.

"Good evening, Mr. Lacey" an unknown but authoritative, discrete, and masculine voice reaches my ears. It speaks to my father. I tremble a little but do not have the courage to look. "It's a pleasure to have you here, I thought you might not come"

"Sir, what an honour. Of course we would be here, we just had a small mishap" my father responds and laughs nervously.

I squeeze my fingers around my father's arm, and feel his body leaning towards me. He squeezes my waist and I jump in place a little.

"Stop acting like a frightened, immature girl. Be educated, Vitney. You have the most important representative of the cooperative right in front of us" he whispers in my ear in an ironic and aggressive tone. "You are already a woman, you have to stop running away from everything around you"

A tear runs down my cheek due to the hostility of his words. I have no choice, but I feel so anguished and nervous that I don't dare to look anyone in the eye. My father squeezes my arm aggressively, as a warning to let me know that he won't repeat things twice. Finally, I take the courage to open my eyes and lift my gaze. My vision is clouded by tears, but I manage to glimpse the outline of a man in front of me.

"Miss Lacey" the voice makes itself present again, and this time it speaks to me. I freeze in my place, but the man moves, walking in my direction.

I can't answer. I know that if I do, I'll start crying.

"My name is Michael Langdon and I am the representative of the cooperative" the man says in a formal tone "It is a pleasure to meet you, miss."

Then, for some unknown reason, as I hear his name, I feel my heart skip a beat. And I realize that I am on the verge of falling into my own perdition.

[Hey! The first chapter of "Amative" of my Michael fanfic is finally published. It was quite a challenge because my English is not very good and my novel is originally written in Spanish, and if there are any errors, please have patience as I still struggle a bit to translate my story into English.

I hope you enjoy the chapter, btw. <3]

[pupmkincake2000]

I once had this topic in my posts, and I want to talk about it again. Perhaps I will say the same thing, but in this context it is important to bring to the main idea.

So, the found-family trope. It has been perverted into "here's a set of characters, I've squished them into the heteronormative roles of father/mother/child". - found family CAN be that, in some cases, but that is not what the trope was initially founded on. The found family trope was built on NON-CONVENTIONAL FAMILIES/RELATIONSHIPS. It is about finding a family OUTSIDE of the one you were born into, a family that can be whoever you want, and look however you want it to. That's the very reason it's so popular in LGBT+ spaces. It is not about pushing people into strict parental/child roles. It is about finding family in other people, regardless of what they are to you. Romantic partners absolutely count as found family, so no, we are not pushing aside a lovely found-family trope for the "sake of a ship" (a silly sentence to begin with, imo, but I digress) Hank and Connor ARE found family, because you can find your family; your comfort, your helper, your partner in life, in your husband, wife, or partner. The opportunity for a queer love story does NOT cheapen anything, especially in todays world, where it's desperately needed right now.

So, when people say they are not infantilizing Connor by making Hank treat him like a son because adults are allowed to have parents and that Connor is smart and all but he’s still unexperienced when it comes to human emotions and needs someone to guide him and that Connor needs a guide, an anchor in his life I always ask myself why.

Why it has to be Connor of all androids? Why do people think Connor needs an anchor, a guide and why do they think he’s unexperienced? Considering, he’s a clever machine whose brain, or whatever he has in his head, works much faster than human being’s. Does that mean all the androids need a guide and an anchor? Isn't that infantilization? Weren't they actually shown as independent individuals? Doesn't this destroy him as an independent person who's already decided who he wanted to be and is aware of his own actions? In addition, people forget that he is not a human and he may not need the very concept of a father figure or parents/child relationships at all.

I have often seen how people who insist Connor needs a father, need a father figure themselves, in fact, they simply project their desires onto Connor and Hank due to a lack of fatherly love or attention, and some of them have directly admitted this to me. Tho, they choice of Hank as a father figure seems really ridiculous, considering how his relationships with Connor started. But then again, Connor is not a human, and such concepts may be alien to him. We do not talk about Markus here, because he lived for 10 years with a man who considered him a son from the very beginning. Therefore, Markus is the exception rather than the rule. We leave out Alice because she was essentially programmed to be a child and needs to be taken care of, this is basically her function. And there were no other examples of family relationships among androids, there were only couples.

The most interesting part is also that people who are usually against HankCon, seem like the ones who are applying their personal feelings and issues to the characters. Can your partner not be your family? Is your partner not your friend, your confidant, and the person that helps you heal and uplifts you? Those things aren’t locked to just platonic or familial relationships.

Although I'm still sure that good old stereotypes are to blame, because if Hank was younger or at least looked younger, no one would think of him as a father figure. If people are only doing this because of his age and looks (and I suspect that's the case... in most cases), it's largely the fault of the fandom itself that forces Hank into this stereotypical role. Because a lot of people who played the game, but have never been part of the fandom, have no problems seeing Hank and Connor as a potential couple or just who they are accrotding the plot - friends), it just shows how incapable they are of analyzing characters. Because according to this perspective, any human being, if they are not a child or a teenager, will be more experienced in life than any android. Shouldn't androids view all humans who are over 20 as their potential parents or parental figures then? But for some reason, if a human being looks young, no one assigns them such a role, although from such a point of view this is exactly how it should be. So either people accept that Connor is an adult, capable of making adult decisions (while remembering that he is not human), or they accept that any android is infantile by the very fact of their existence and needs a parental figure, even if humans who the androids interact with, look young.

[mirai-e-jump]

Beautiful Catalog Vol.1 ft. Kamen Rider Ryuki Cast Members Suga, Matsuda, Hagino and Ryohei Interviews & Photoshoot (pages and translations below)

Publication: December 16, 2002

Takamasa Suga (Ryuki) Interview

"We're enchanted by his soft and gentle smile~❤️❤️❤️. Maybe it's because he plays the role of a handsome man (?), but the image of Shinji Kido, played by Takamasa Suga-san in "Kamen Rider Ryuki" makes us feel relaxed when we see Suga-san~❤️❤️❤️. Shinji seems like an honest and hardworking guy, but we wonder, what does he and Suga-san have in common?"

Suga: For one thing, when I think like this, I really get into him, which I guess is all that there is? There are many things I can learn from him. Hmmm~, the same goes for his honesty, and also for his strength.

"Suga-san is also very laid back, yet he seems to have a strong core ❤️. You originally took lessons at a training school to become an actor, right?"

Suga: I've always loved and admired movies. When I was 18, I saw Iwai Shunji-san's movie "Swallowtail" in theaters, and when it was over, I was really shaken up. For awhile, I was in agony over what this feeling was. As time went on, it became clear to me that I wanted to express myself on that screen, and so I entered a training school to study acting. But, it wasn't interesting at all (laughs). I spent about a year wondering if this was the kind of expression I wanted to express. One day, I was sent to a movie set as an extra. I quit the training school because I realized that important things can only be learned on site.

"And? And? What happened after that????"

Suga: I had some free time, so I was given the opportunity to perform on stage. It was right around the time that I was introduced to my current agency, so that's how I ended up here (laughs).

"What was it like auditioning for Ryuki?"

Suga: I just wanted a job. I felt like I was grasping at straws. I was approached by my agency and accepted, but at first, Kamen Rider didn't really sound appealing (laughs).

"Eh~?! When you were a child, weren't there any heroes you admired?"

Suga: I only watched baseball, so I don't remember watching shows like that. I was a (Yomiuri) Giants fan, and it was around the time that (Masumi) Kuwata made his debut, so I think I remember saying, "Kuwata is the future!" (laughs)

"We wonder, what was Suga-san like as a child~?"

Suga: I was mischievous. My family owned a sushi restaurant, and I was always running around the store (laughs). There were many shops in the neighborhood. There was a grocery store next door, a soba noodle shop across the street, and a Chinese restaurant next door, as well as others. It gave off a downtown kind of atmosphere, you know?

"If you were to start a family, what kind of father would you want to be???"

Suga: In my family, both of my parents worked at the restaurant, so we rarely went anywhere as a family. That's why I hope I can create an environment where we can be together.

"Would you participate in the housework?"

Suga: I'll leave the housework to them!

"Would you cook?"

Suga: I don't do it.

"Cleaning?"

Suga: Not at all (laughs).

"Laundry?"

Suga: Well, when the time comes (laughs).

"I see. If it were Suga-san, I'd do anything for him ❤️. However, Suga-san is very fashionable and has a serious image, doesn't he? The outfits for this gravure photo shoot were also Suga-san's personal clothes, and even during talk shows, he wore a turban and a red western hat as his personality shines through⭐. Where do you find these Western styled clothes?

Suga: I'll wonder around Daikanyama, Harajuku, and Aoyama, and think things like, "Ah, I found something!" I don't decide what I'm going to buy today, I just go out on a whim and buy what I think looks nice. I'm not particular about brands either.

"Do you have any fashion references?"

Suga: There's nothing in particular. However, I do read fashion magazines. There's also alot of women's magazines, such as "Figaro," "Vogue," and "High Fashion"……I like women's fashion. The shapes and styles are beautiful.

"I see. The secret of Suga-san's cuteness may be because of the fact that he's honestly attracted to what suits his sense of style. His face is as beautiful as any girl's ❤️. I like girls who wear this kind of fashion when I walk with them! I wonder if he has any particular fashion preferences?"

Suga: That's not really true. I tend to dress up in various styles. But, I like girls who dress up and take care of their appearance. I think that's definitely more attractive as a woman.

"Well, who's your favorite actress?"

Suga: It's Kuroki Hitomi-san! My family loved Takarazuka Revue, and I thought she was beautiful from her Takarazuka days. I still admire her. She's both elegant and attractive, isn't she?

"I see, so older women are okay ❤️. I'm sure there are many mother fans whose maternal instincts are tickled by Suga-san, do you have any message for them?"

Suga: Please take care of your children! There's no exceptions (laughs). I think that Ryuki depicts a world that's truly profound even for adults, so please be sure to look at the content carefully.

"The show is coming to an end and the Riders are fighting a brutal battle. If it were Suga-san, what reasons would you have for fighting?"

Suga: Hmm, when I listen to the other Rider's reasons for fighting, I nod in agreement. It's a reason that only that person has. I think that's the theme of Ryuki as well. It's not about what's right and what's wrong, but since there's many different Riders, I think I've also asked questions like, "What is justice?"

"For example, would you fight for your family?"

Suga: I think so, if it were for family……I think I'd fight for someone I care about and want to care for.

"We know you're extremely busy right now, but what do you plan on doing after Ryuki is over?"

Suga: I'd like to try designing clothes. Also, I'm thinking of going to learn Japanese dance. After that, I'd like to get a license for a large motorcycle. There are so many things I want to do…..

"Finally, some words for the fans!"

Suga: I always do things at my own pace like this, so please continue to support me!

"Of course~ I hope you'll keep being Suga-san, and continue to move forward without losing that current freshness!"

Satoshi Matsuda (Knight) Interview

"A sharp gaze, and a tight body reminiscent of a wild beast. Satoshi Matsuda-san has a cool, wild, and mysterious feel to him, just like the image of Akiyama Ren (Knight) who he plays in "Kamen Rider Ryuki." However, he keeps quiet (laughs). When the hair and makeup artist said to him while setting his hair, "You have more than one whirlpool, don't you?" he responded with, "The official record is five." He also has an outstanding talent for winning the hearts of those around him! And when he smiles, it's so cute, your eyes will become dizzy~💙💙💙. There seems to be quite a gap between Matsuda-kun and Ren's character, but the actor himself feels no discomfort at all. He's an actor 💙. But still, it's tough having so much work, isn't it?"

Matsuda: I think one Kamen Rider is tougher on a schedule than having multiple jobs (laughs). Filming for the final scene of the movie version took a full 24 hours, starting at 6 a.m. and ending at 6 a.m. the next morning. After that, we were taken to a hotel, slept for 20 minutes, and then started filming for the TV version at 7 a.m. Filming would continue until 5 p.m. It really made me think that I was going to die (laughs).

"Normally, Matsuda-san is said to be the mood maker on set, and yet he was in such low spirits?"

Matsuda: No, I was in really high spirits. I was just going with the flow. I would fall asleep while in a standing position and wake up to the sound of "Test!" (laughs).

"Such a hard year is finally coming to an end, and we wonder what the end of Ryuki will be like~"

Matsuda: We don't even know if Ren will survive or die. But, even if the name of the show was "Kamen Rider Knight," I want to make sure that the story comes to an end, and I want to do my best to finish the story as Akiyama Ren.

"Despite his tough schedule, he made his debut as a singer with the maxi single "DISTANCE" on December 4!"

Matsuda: I was originally scouted as a singer. After 3 years, I was able to release a song with confidence. And, I think I did a great job~. We recorded 3 songs in 3 days, but we had to shoot Ryuki in the mornings, and the second day's shooting in particular was the scene where Knight screams in agony (laughs). There are no singers like that. Everyone was telling me to take care of my throat and use a humidifier instead of a heater (laughs). On top of all that, I couldn't even eat. I was told that if I put solid food down my throat, it would make my voice noisy, so I wasn't allowed to eat within 2 hours of it. I got through it with things like jelly drinks.

"Oh no~, you poor thing~!"

Matsuda: There's a bonus video on the CD that includes an interview with Manager Kawaguchi right after we finished recording the 3 songs. I was so careless with my manager that I was already dizzy. Since I was dealing with my manager, I let my guard down, so I was alittle unsteady~. I don't think you'll ever see such a burnt out look anywhere else, so it's quite a privilege (laughs).

"You released your personal DVD & Video "Colors" at the same time as the CD~. It also includes footage from the recording process. If you want to see Matsuda-san's true face, then there's his column "Matsuda Lab," which is currently being published on his website. It's a collection of hilarious and interesting writings, which set him apart from the plain diaries that are found on other talent's websites."

Matsuda: It's just for fun (laughs). When people who only know me as Akiyama Ren saw Matsuda Lab for the first time, they were shocked, and I still get emails saying, "I was surprised."

"It's certainly a surprising true face, and it's completely exposed. Apparently, he now types it on his computer, but before that, he'd write it on manuscript paper and have it retyped."

Matsuda: I would get very angry if I got even one punctuation mark wrong, so the person typing was very nervous (laughs).

"You pay attention to every detail 💙. If you join the fan club, you'll be able to see more in depth (?) columns and special videos. I'm curious. We heard that you used to always respond to fan letters and e-mails, but the support of your fans is a source of energy, right?"

Matsuda: Energy's also a big part of it, so I'd like to know what you are looking for from Satoshi Matsuda. There's another "me" who's controlling "Satoshi Matsuda," and he wants to know your opinions (laugh). These days, I don't have much time to reply, but I do read all the letters and e-mails.

"I think there are alot of fans who are older than you, but how old would your lover be?"

Matsuda: It doesn't matter if they're 30 or 35 years old. My grandmother is eight or nine years older than my grandfather, and because of that, every couple in my family has an older female member. I'm not particular about it either.

"Well then~💙. So, have you ever thought about what kind of family you want to have?"

Matsuda: I don't really feel like it. But, there are moments where I'd like to get married. I like seeing happy families at events. And yet, I can't imagine myself as a father. I wonder what it'd be like to become a second generation, when I myself haven't mastered anything yet.

"I think you're abit like Ren in that he's stoic 💙. When you were a child, who was the hero that you idolized?"

Matsuda: Hmmm, there was no one there. I was just a kid who fished outside all the time.

"Your hobby is still fishing, right~?"

Matsuda: To be honest, I want to hide a fishing rod with me on set. If they found out, they'll probably say, "Are you serious?!," but it's frustrating when filming finishes first thing in the morning and there's a good fishing spot right over there. But, my rod is long and stands out. It's a 50,000* yen rod with a reel that costs 40,000-50,000 yen, so it feels like a professional grade weapon for catching fish (laughs). (*over $300)

"He specializes in black bass, with his largest official record being 52cm (20.5in)! Ama~zing! When I asked him to give a final message for the fans, he thought for a moment before answering with……"

Matsuda: Some people seem to think that singing is a side job, but I'm doing my best in singing as well. I can't say which is most important, acting or singing. I hope that people will watch and listen to my performances and judge them for themselves.

"Never cutting corners! So cool~💙💙💙. What else would you like to do in the future?"

Matsuda: I'd like to try radio. With the same spirit as Matsuda Lab.

"We're sure it'll be fun! We'll warmly welcome your efforts that make use of your unique character, and of course, your looks 💙."

Takashi Hagino (Ouja) Interview

"His eyes, with their intense shine, are truly those of Ouja! Once you've caught a glimpse of him with those eyes, you'll be captivated~💜💜💜. Takashi Hagino-san starred as Akira Suzumura in the cult classic show "Choukou Senshi Changerion," and also appeared in "Kamen Rider Ryuki," which was produced by the same Producer, as Takeshi Asakura. His blonde hair matches the mood of his role, and with a leopard print shirt, and slim black pants……it's too intense, isn't it scary?"

Hagino: It's really scary. Nah, I'm kidding, I don't actually know (laughs). I don't mind if people think I'm scary.

"He has the sex appeal of a man, but also has the innocent smile of a boy~💜💜💜. That's how he attacks when his prey is distracted~ (laughs). We wonder if Asakura, a brutal murderer and escaped prisoner, has anything in common with Hagino-san."

Hagino: I think there's some. When you've been doing it for a long time, you become influenced by the role you play. When I'm tired, I'm like, "I'm irritated!" (laughs).

"There it is! Asakura's famous line (?), "I'm irritated!" How does it feel to play such an intense role?"

Hagino: Regardless, it's alot of fun. It's not a role I get to play very often, so I want to enjoy it even more until the end. I don't want to relax in my private life right now, rather, I want to finish the story in the same way that I've been doing it so far. I want to keep the tension, and perform with a sense of urgency. In the meantime, I try to watch the news and live a normal life.

"I guess you could say you've broke new ground as an actor, huh~?"

Hagino: As a job, I was enthusiastic and thought, "Let's do this!" But it was my first time playing such a role, and I didn't have any hesitations about how I was going to do such an amazing role, but strangely enough, I was able to play it quite naturally from the first day. So I'm not sure I can call it breaking new grounds.

"That's true, your performance suggests that you've had plenty of experience. Given your career, we wonder, are you like the older brother on set?"

Hagino: Until now, I've often worked on set with senior actors, and there weren't many people younger than me. That's why it was interesting to see where I stood on set this time around. Suga-kun and Matsuda-kun are really good kids, and I've become inspired by the younger people. I've learned alot from their youthful energy and the way they use it. In my role, I often interact with Ryohei-kun, who's the same age as me, so we have alot of fun together.

"As a fan, it's very moving to see Hagino-san, who used to play the role of Akira Suzumura with all his heart, grow like a snake, shedding its skin, and happily playing the role of Takeshi Asakura. What has the reaction from viewers been like?"

Hagino: There was an episode called "The Girl and Ouja," and since then, I've been getting an incredible amount of fan letters. Until then, I had received letters from people who said they liked, "scary things" and "bad guys" in a cult like way, but when they said, "I saw a different side of him, even though he is a bad guy," the number of letters increased rapidly.

"So, what kind of hero did Hagino-san himself admire during his childhood?"

Hagino: There was no one in particular, but I think I had a desire to become a hero. When I was a child, I genuinely thought that helping the weak was heroic, and I admired it. Doing things like helping girls even if they're elementary school students. In my role now however, I bully girls (laughs).

"Even so, for some reason, Hagino-san always plays "unusual" heroes, right? He's so handsome, that maybe he plays untraditional heros without any complaints?!"

Hagino: I think the roles I've been given to play are wonderful. Both Akira Suzumura and Takeshi Asakura are honest with themselves. I'm not saying that heroes need to be honest, but I think that it's very important. There's something in me that's attracted to that part.

"We wonder what kind of child Hagino-san was~?"

Hagino: I was naughty. But, I studied for entrance exams and went to cram school (laughs). I liked being called "boy." There are pictures of me studying until midnight, and of going to school with dark circles under my eyes. I'd get so excited when it came to studying, that I'd suddenly realize it was 2 a.m. (laughs). I was like, hey, I'm pretty amazing. I liked doing those kinds of things (laughs).

"Kya~! That's just like Hagino-san 💜. What kind of father do you think you'd be if you had children?"

Hagino: I can only imagine, but I think I'd really love it. After work, I'd feel like going home right away.

"Would you let your own child watch Ryuki?"

Hagino: That's……They can watch it, because it's their own father (laughs). If they complain, I'll just slap them. I'm just kidding about that last part (laughs).

"By the way, you also tried your hand at singing for the first time with the CD, "Kamen Rider Ryuki Song Collection", right?"

Hagino: It was alot of fun! I was able to experience recording for the first time in my life, so I was very satisfied with it (laughs). The voice training and the production process were also interesting. Also, I was really nervous. The engineers and everyone else were professionals, so I knew I had to do it right. But, I'm not a professional singer, so I had no choice but to do the best I could, but when I actually tried it, it was alot of fun.

"Does this mean, you'll debut as a full fledged singer?!"

Hagino: It's not like I said to myself, "I want to be a singer!," but it was an experience that I'd like to do again if I get the chance.

"As expected, you'll continue to focus mostly on acting in the future, right?"

Hagino: That's right. I want to play various roles in various situations. I want to play roles that I've never played before, and I want to play roles that I have played before.

"I see. If the current Hagino-san were to play Akira Suzumura, I'm sure we'd see a new side to him. Now then, some final words to the fans!"

Hagino: As long as you enjoy it, that's the most important thing. I'll do my best, so I hope everyone enjoys watching.

"We had a great time during the interview with him, with his skillful storytelling and sexy beams bursting 💜. We hope he'll continue to entertain us more and more as an actor and singer (?)~💜💜💜.

Ryohei (Zolda) Interview

"Kya~! He's sooo~ tall~! Furthermore, his handsome and chiseled face is so cool that it makes us dizzy~. That's because Ryohei-san, who plays the role of Shuichi Kitaoka, a talented lawyer known as Zolda in "Kamen Rider Ryuki," is an active fashion model with a career spanning about 7 years~💚."

Ryohei: In the modeling world, there are people taller than me, but in the entertainment world, I'd say there's only Abe Hiroshi-san (laughs). I don't mind it anymore, but I used to have a complex about it.

"He has long, slender legs, which we think is one of his charming points. Although he has experience from appearing in commercials, this is his first real acting job!"

Ryohei: I've always liked Kamen Rider and other heroic show, and when I was a child, I would wrap myself up in the curtains around my house and say, "Henshin!" That's why I was genuinely happy. You'd never think that you can become a hero, or that you yourself can transform, right?! When I got the role, I was just so happy, that I couldn't stop cackling.

"When he's silent, he looks just like Kitaoka, cool and mature, but when he speaks, he gives off a playful, boyish look that's very cute~💚💚💚. But, you couldn't "cackle" once filming started, could you?"

Ryohei: I think that acting is the same whether it's a regular drama or a tokusatsu production, the creators are always on site, and they're always trying to produce high quality work, so you can't go to a production site just to have fun. There was such a sense of urgency on set, that I felt my back tense up.

"Your schedule was tough, wasn't it~?."

Ryohei: There were times when I didn't perform, so it wasn't that tough. It was a relief for me since I had no experience in acting, but still, I was always nervous whenever I entered the set (laugh). If I go in every day, I can stay in the mode of my role for a long time, but after a 2 week gap, I'm back to my normal self. It was quite difficult to get back into the role. I also tried to imagine how Kitaoka would spend his time off screen.

"What are some similarities and differences between Ryohei-san and the lawyer Kitaoka?"

Ryohei: The movements and gestures are as close to mine as possible. I don't usually talk like him though (laughs). When I first received the script, I thought he was a lawyer, had money, and was a slick guy who could do anything. I hadn't heard that he was suffering from a disease, so I wanted to make him come off as arrogant, obnoxious and unpleasant.

"I see. Kitaoka, a confident man who carries the shadow of his illness, is attractive, but Ryohei-san, who is friendly and talks about many things, is also wonderful~💚. Did you ever feel confused on set?"

Ryohei: To be honest, I never ever knew what to ask. I saw various cast members coming in later and asking the Director questions about things they didn't understand, and that's when I realized that it was okay to ask questions. Since then, whenever I have a question or an opinion like, "Isn't it better to do something like this?," I'll say it as much as I can.

"The setting is that, "Riders are fighting each other!" There are alot of different actors in the show, which is interesting as a viewer, but isn't it also exciting when on set?"

Ryohei: Even though they're younger than me, there are some people who are my seniors when it comes to acting. There's so many different styles and personalities, and it's both instructive and stimulating. I realized again how interesting acting is, and I also realized how difficult it is. It's so deep that when you look up, there's no end to it. I always try not to make mistakes the next time, but when filming finishes, I find myself regretting something again, and the cycle repeats itself. But, I wonder if it'd be bad if that stopped.

"I wonder, what's the difference between modeling work and acting? When I looked at the gravure photoshoot earlier, I saw that your poses and facial expressions were so perfect, and I felt that this is what you'd expect from model!💚💚💚"

Ryohei: It's been a long time since I've done a gravure shoot, so it felt really good. Modeling is all about having fun in the moment. Once I enter the studio, I look at the atmosphere, the photographer's personality, and the clothes they're wearing, and I instantly think about how I want to act. It's an instantaneous decision. As an actor, you spend alot more time developing your character, so it's a great feeling of fulfillment after you're done. There's differences between the two, kind of like short distance running and long distance running, but the sense of accomplishment is the same and both are enjoyable.

"When it comes to future activities, we wonder, what are you thinking about~?"

Ryohei: Regarding roles, I'd like to play a variety of roles without refusing any that are presented to me. It could be a murderer or a comedian. I think that my current popularity was gained as a result of the popularity of tokusatsu, and not because of my ability. From now on, I want to work on closing the gap that has opened between my popularity and my ability. I don't want to let down my fans, so I want to do various things to improve my skills, and I want to acquire as many things as possible as an actor. In that sense, I'm very "hungry."

"Kya~! (starts clapping) Now that I think about it, Ryohei-san also has experience as a salaryman. Now that he's had alot of experience, his words carry alot of weight to them, anyway, tell us about the type of woman you like and your views on marriage~!!!"

Ryohei: I don't have a specific type, but my type is the person I'll fall in love with (laughs). Marriage is about your partner, so I hope to meet someone who has similar values to mine.

"We're curious, in Ryuki, what's going on with the relationship between lawyer Kitaoka and his male secretary Goro-chan?"

Ryohei: It's a mystery, isn't it? (laughs). Since we don't see much of Kitaoka's private living space, we can only imagine how they live together. Personally, I think that maybe Goro-chan is a live in worker, and that they each have separate rooms and are living a normal life.

"With some mysteries remaining (laughs), Ryuki is finally coming to an end, huh?"

Ryohei: I don't know how things will turn out myself, but please look forward to more drama towards the conclusion, as well as the future of Shuichi Kitaoka and the Kitaoka Law Office!

"We're really looking forward to what Ryohei-san will do after he plays Kitaoka~💚💚💚."

[keepingupwitht]

"Counting the Cost" by Jill Duggar Dillard

Last night, I read all of Counting the Cost in one sitting because apparently my fundie fascination is still going strong over a year after we closed down KUWF. I've got a lot of takeaways I want to talk about so I'm going to put a cut and get into it all after the jump.

In the beginning of the book, it struck me how generally correct we were about Jill and growing up as a Duggar. She was a people pleaser and playing the role of “Sweet Jilly Muffin” was so important to her. She loved her childhood and her parents. It’s interesting both from Jinger & Jill that as kids, the Duggar childhood of their memories is an idyllic one. There was a lot of emphasis on their values - no rock music, dancing, movies, etc. but it was a lot of time spent together and fun and games. 

We also saw the shift in the way they grew up - they were always IBLP inspired conservative Christains, but were attending a regular baptist church up until they attended a different church one week that had dancing in the service. Suddenly, they started attending an IBLP only church and getting deeper in. Jill recounts the first time she went to an IBLP conference and realized there were other families like theirs. It was interesting to see their early progression deeper into the cult (which Jill even calls it by the end of the book). 

Jim Bob getting into politics was interesting - Josh’s early interest in it, while Jill preferred to get treats from the other legislators, made a lot of sense. When Josh is sent away, Jill glosses over some of the details (fair enough) but it’s interesting to me to see how she lays out the three things happening around the same time: (1) going deeper into IBLP, (2) her dad getting involved in politics and (3) Josh getting sent away. It lays the groundwork for what TLC is about to walk into and change everything. 

Jim Bob also saying he knew God wanted him to run for Senate, then losing and immediately being noticed by the press and ultimately Discovery - and opening the “window of opportunity” for their family to be on TV was a little wild. The fact that all this happened ultimately because this man flipped a coin three times and got heads all three times - something that has a ⅛ probability of happening - is sorta wild. 

Jill not enjoying filming was something I did not expect - honestly I always thought that she was one of the kids who enjoyed it more. But it makes sense now that she was one of the few who refused to have her honeymoon filmed and refused TLC cameras at her birth, which Jana and Michelle filmed. Those were one of the things that I noticed at the time but didn’t realize what it meant. Good for Jill for standing her ground on both those things - although she wanted to refuse to have her birth filmed at all. 

It was interesting to me that the Duggars were not an IBLP model family UNTIL the show. The show put them in that position - Jill didn’t think they’d be one without it. And the line about Jana being invited to visit headquarters as the only blond to be one of “Gothard’s Girls” just hurts to think about in hindsight. 

It’s interesting how long they propped Josh up as the golden boy while he was in trouble behind the scenes. 

In hindsight, the fact that Jim Bob really set up Jill and Derick is really something, since they would ultimately be the first to really break away. 

Everytime Jill advocates for herself, I am so proud. She pushed for two weeks in Nepal to meet Derick even when they only wanted to film part of the trip, and got the time. They filmed a fake goodbye and then spent another week getting to know each other. 

 I didn’t expect to have my lawyer hat on, but the fact that Jim Bob had Jill sign a contract the day of her rehearsal dinner with everything going on with her MILs health without letting her read it, and her not even realizing what was happening was just atrocious. Just pure and straight abuse. 

The fact that Jill was not paid for any filming and thought she was volunteering at her family ministry for the majority of the time she was filming is just awful. I know she did get perks - her Nepal trip, various other trips, her wedding, groceries, etc. But the fact that she and Derick only had a five day honeymoon because that’s all they could afford when Jim Bob almost certainly made more than $100,000 for their wedding is gross. 

This also doesn’t make TLC look very good, since this kind of abuse was allowed to occur basically under their watch. I get that they likely had a great deal on the Duggars because they were only negotiating with questionable businessman Jim Bob but it does suck to see how little they care about the human cost of their show. 

[shakespearenews]

“Macbeth, unlike Richard III, doesn’t start the play as a villain. He’s a good man who feels conscience and fear. We watch him descend into ruthlessness.”

One important difference between Coen’s film and other stage and screen productions of the play is the age of the central couple. Both Washington and McDormand were in their 60s when the movie was filmed, making them a full generation older than most actors who play the roles.

Having been married for so long, the film’s Macbeths “are people who really know each other,” Kearney said of the characters. “I heard certain lines as I never heard them before, precisely because of their ages. When they’re talking about the murder they’re about to commit, you get the sense of a dance between two people who know each other’s moves.”

“In Justin Kurzel’s 2016 version of ‘Macbeth,’ the couple (played by Michael Fassbender and Marion Cotillard) were younger, and they had just lost a child,” noted McNamara. “The fact they were grieving parents played a role in their motivation. This film places more focus on the sense of time running out, and wanting to grab hold of an opportunity before it’s too late. 

[nerdygaymormon]

hi hi! You don’t have to answer, I guess I just wanted to ask for your thoughts on something, as someone whose blog has really helped me do some good introspection and feel a little more comfortable with my identity. (a little, it’s an uphill battle for me)

anyway, I went to dinner with a friend and we got on the subject of politics (as u do) and she was talking about how despite trying to see a liberal viewpoint on multiple issues she always comes back to conservatism and that’s where she stands. She identifies as bisexual and so I asked her how she feels that fits in with her conservative beliefs, as I made a sweeping generalization that most conservatives don’t like gay people (generalization, I’m aware, I know, I can be wrong). Long story short I think she just ended up saying that conservatives try to make sense of the world through their religious lens and said some buzzwords/phrases like “love the sinner not the sin” and “if I love my gay neighbor am I condoning their behavior” that whole mess. She then continued on to talk about how she had kindof put “that life” behind her (she almost proposed to her gf I think?) and knew that God had something just as good waiting for her and knew God needed her to do other things right now etc etc. She kept putting this part of her identity aside, or pushing it down, verbally throughout our convo, and that made me sad.

It’s just left a sour taste in my mouth, and I am not out yet so it was harder for me to have that conversation and not say the things that I really wanted to. Like maybe she’s put “that life” aside but other people haven’t, and don’t want to, and the party she aligns herself with is actively harming those other people! This isn’t just “God, how do I love my neighbor please help me” it’s “obviously these people are wrong and sinning and it’s my responsibility to punish them on behalf of God because I am Right”.

Sorry, I know this is long. I’m struggling with it, and struggling with being friends with this person, and now I feel guilty about reading my sapphic fanfics that I love! How lame is that. Any advice appreciated. 🤍

There are many ways to describe what it means to be liberal or conservative. One way is that conservatives tend to have a more hierarchical way of seeing the world than liberals, in other words, the world consists of divisions which are inherent and meaningful. Conservatives believe the lines between categories or concepts matter, that the differences are important. Liberals will tend to see those differences as superficial and not as defining, that things aren't so clear cut, and divisions should be reduced and transgressed. 

For example, a conservative may believe that the line separating men and women is natural and innate and important, it must be recognized, enhanced, and maintained. A liberal may see these distinctions as more cultural and want to remove the barriers in how individuals get to express their gender by removing laws enforcing gender roles. A conservative parent may choose to not let their son wear pink or take dance lessons or play with dolls because that transgresses gender lines, but a liberal parent may choose not to impose those sorts of restrictions.

Another example would be how a conservative may think that lines between rich and poor reflect meaningful differences in people's work ethic, talent, morality or value to society; but a liberal may see the differences as being rooted in the family situation and neighborhood you were born into, what educational opportunities were available to you, plenty of people work hard at two jobs and have trouble earning enough to provide for a family.

The line of when life begins is a big reason conservatives and liberals have trouble coming to an agreement on abortion, because a conservative may say life begins at conception and that's important and meaningful to them. But a liberal may say life emerges incrementally and therefore an abortion may be permissible before the fetus is fully a life, and that people of different backgrounds can have a different view on when life "begins" and so it's not fair to say that only the most conservative view on when life begins gets to make the decision about abortion for everyone. 

Those who view themselves as the norm, as the standard, can tend to view others as somehow lesser and will tend to be conservative in their politics because they want to protect and promote their viewpoint and their place in society. Those who don't fit the "standard," will tend towards liberal politics because they are looking for the restrictions and barriers to be removed which hold them back.

When applied to LGBTQ+ people, a conservative viewpoint may say the traditional family model of the 1950's is the only moral way to form a family, and the government's might should be used to enshrine and enforce this model. This means there's a gender binary and members of one gender should only be allowed to marry and have sex with people of the opposite gender, a family must consist of a man and a woman married to each other, and so on. They draw lines and create a hierarchy of what is the ideal and best. They may recognize there are other types of family arrangements but either they're not moral or they're lesser than the ideal, and therefore shouldn't be encouraged.

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My experiences as a queer Mormon and as a queer American definitely affects how I view these types of divides.

I lived over half my life with gay sex being illegal and cops could and did arrest people for this. My choice of whether to have consensual sex with someone has no effect on anyone else, yet it was illegal for me. Often these sodomy laws which outlawed gay sex had exemptions if the two people involved were not of the same gender, so it wasn't the behavior (oral or anal sex) which was immoral, it was who was doing it. And yet someone who is married could cheat on their spouse and that not be illegal even though it could impact their legally recognized relationship. That didn't feel fair or just to me.

That causes me to have reservations about imposing strict legal restrictions on others who have a different experience or understanding from me. It frames the way I think of government as a tool to provide a fair and equitable environment, to remove restrictions which keep people stuck in lesser economic or social situations and to give everyone the same rights under the law.

The hierarchical way of thinking exists in the LDS Church when it teaches that only one type of family, only a cisgender binary, and only one type of sexual orientation, are worthy of being included in the Celestial Kingdom. That those who don't fit this idea of God's Plan aren't deserving.

Over and over in the Bible I read of God disrespecting the social norms--the second born gets the birthright, the one violating gender roles get chosen. I read of Jesus upsetting the established hierarchy of society and being with the marginalized and promising them a place in heaven with Him. Paul wrote that the divisions which separate people on earth disappear in Christ (There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus--Galations 3:28). I read the Book of Mormon's warnings that racism and economic inequality are dangers and we should seek to live in a way that benefits all.

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Being able to see the other's viewpoint is what helps hearts and minds to change. Its why representation is so important, not just so I can see people similar to myself, but so that I can learn the stories and experiences of people who are different from me.

Being able to understand how other people view the world is useful because it helps us know how to explain our experiences and viewpoints.

Your friend's approach is that queer people are "wrong and sinning," and that justifies her supporting policies which don't support their equality. Yet an important part of God's Plan is agency, people need to be able to make choices. She gets to make choices she believes will lead to a meaningful and happy life for her and I get to make choices that I believe are the right choices for me.

Our responsibility is to love others even if they're making choices we don't agree with. "Love" and "condoning" aren't the same thing.

I think Elder Jack N Gerard said it well this past General Conference, "Would others see God through my conduct?" This could be rephrased as "Would others feel loved by how I treat them?"