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sunlightandsuffering · 3 years ago

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Academic Integrity, Except Eren has no Integrity

prompt: rival EM fight each other for grades, except it's a very one-sided battle on Eren's part.

She’s cheating, she must be cheating, there’s no possible way she isn’t fucking cheating. He stares down the back of her head and her cute little bob, petite shoulders exposed in white crop top that stops just before the shoulders.

Mikasa Ackerman, his arch nemesis in this class.

He’s taking a psychology class for fun, it’s supposed to be easy, he’s a pre-med kid, anything is easy next to Organic Chemistry and Calculus. He’s supposed to be at the top of the class, Eren Yeager is supposed to set the curve.

Except he’s not.

Because time after time the little dark-haired pixie in his tutorial is the one whose papers are used as examples of perfection, and whose exam score is at the top of the ‘confidential’ list they show in class, he’d know he’s memorized her student number by this point. He looks for it before he looks for his own grades.

Or course, once again she has thwarted him as their midterm exam grades flash up on the screen and wouldn’t you know it yet again the little thing has beaten him, two measly points ahead, but still she’s done it.

Eren doesn’t do well with competition, and definitely not from the Arts and Social Sciences kids, he should not be shown up by a psychology student!

He grabs his bag, slinging it over his shoulder and follows her out the door of their lecture hall. He knows realistically he shouldn’t be this obsessed, this hung up on this girl and her grades, but it’s irritating as hell,

“Mikasa.”

The girl turns, pretty grey eyes widening in confusion as she looks to see who called her name.

She spots him and she tilts her head, observing him keenly, she must know who he is, must realize this is the inevitable showdown before he destroys her in the final exam.

“Who are you?”

For a moment Eren is shocked, but whatever if she wants to play dumb, he’ll refresh her memory. He edges closer to her, invading her personal space and pressing the evil pixie into the wall of the chemistry lab hallway, where almost no one walks because barely anyone is masochistic enough to take chemistry.

Eren’s hand finds the wall behind her and he’s finally got her where he wants her, trapped against the wall, he’s going to show her who the superior student is, she needs a warning and Eren is an asshole and he needs to win.

“Eren Yeager,” his breathes his name eyes locked on hers and noticing just how pretty she is up close, those grey eyes turning into a constellation of stars as they reflect the light.

“Umm,” she purses her lips a little, trying to scoot back and away from him, down the wall a little, “Sorry do I know you? Maybe you’re thinking of someone else?”

His mouth parts in shock and he drops his hand from the wall next to her, staring her down like she’s a crazy person, she doesn’t know him??

“Mikasa we have tutorial together.”

Still her beautiful slate eyes look at him blankly and he continues to explain his existence to her, “Every Wednesday after class, that’s where you’re going right now isn’t it.”

“Yes,” she says suspiciously, tucking her books further into her chest and continuing to stare at him like he’s some kind of weird science experiment.

Eren is dumbfounded, because not only has he always been the top of his class, never beaten, he’s also never had his entire existence straight up ignored by a girl.

He walks into a room and they look, hell he’s even caught their TA giving him some curious glances, and he’s quite sure that had been her phone number she’d left on the back of his last term paper, right next to his grade of an A-.

Mikasa had gotten an A+ of course, he thinks, irritated.

“Last week we were partners for that reading exercise?”

She shakes her head numbly, continuing to look at him indifferently.

“We were partners for the first ice breaker in the tutorial, you told me you had a cat named Sharpe.”

At this a little smile lights her face as she thinks of her cat and then some familiarity lights her eyes, “Oh yeah you were the guy who said you didn’t like cats that much.”

She glares at him like he’s personally offended her for disliking cats.

What the fuck is happening here.

“Yes,” he growls, “that’s me.”

“Well, what can I do for you Eren?”

His hand is back on the wall next to her head, leaning over her menacingly, and she looks tiny next to him in her white crop top and jeans, the blude denim too tight and hugging her ass, every curve.

“I want you to know you’re not beating me on the final, so you’d better step it up Ackerman. The only reason you’ve beaten me so far is because I’m not in this faculty, I have better shit to do than study for psychology.”

The vacant look is back in her eyes, “What are you talking about?”

She’s playing dumb again, how pathetic, like she’s not just as invested in their rivalry as he is. Ridiculous.

“I’m talking about how you only beat my midterm mark by two points this time and on the final I’m going to crush you.”

Her eyebrows scrunch up, “How do you know that, aren’t the marks by student number?”

Eren sputters, yes he knows it’s weird but she definitely knows his mark too, he caught her looking over at his exam paper when they’d handed it back.

“You saw my mark!”

She continues to look at him like he’s insane and Eren growls, thumping his hand against the wall in irritation, startling her a little bit. He’s still got her crowded into the wall and it seems she finally notices because a pretty blush lights her features and her eyes dart away from him, lips pressing together nervously.

“Um sure, whatever you say, anyway we should go or we’ll be late to tutorial.”

#lys's drabbles #eremika #sorry y'all i'mma clog the tag

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drawlfoy · 4 years ago

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The Wonders of Ohio P.5

masterlist (check here for parts 1-4!) request guidelines

pairing: draco x reader

request: from 14 year old me babey

warnings: cringe, mentions of drug use, mentions of sex, language, and just bad writing

summary: y/n is in her senior year of high school when she is asked to take on an exchange student from britain that’s a little...different. this is NOT a nonmagic AU. draco is still a wizard and this will become and integral part of the story shortly.

a/n: heyyyy everyone. i graduated from high school this week and i’m posting this as my happy-one-year-to-me. as some of you may know, i posted my very first fic on this day a year ago. i’m really happy to see how i’ve grown since and i’m so lucky to have shared this with all of you. anyways, nittygritty--

this part is really the last slow exposition chapter. chapters 6 on will be a whole whirlwind beginning with homecoming and i hope that you guys are willing to stick around. i promise itll be worth the wait. y/n is going to get the story arc of a lifetime and also please do not hate heather she is just going through it ok

anywayssssssss

tags tags tags @gruffle1 @missmulti @cleopatera @hahaboop @accio-rogers @geeksareunique @eltanin-malfoy @war-sword @cams-lynn @itsivyberry @ayo-cowbelly @nerd-domland @erisdogwood @loveissupernatural

word count: 4.6k (;))

song recs:

strawberry blonde -- mitski

in your neighbors garden -- mimi bay

wishes -- beach house

ode to artifice -- samia

pink in the night -- mitski

enjoy <3

The seatbelt buckle scorched the side of Y/N’s exposed neck as she turned to face the disheveled blonde in the passenger seat.

“Do I need to teach you to set an alarm?”

Draco let out a huff. “Stop. Do you have a….a comb, or a brush, or something here?” His hands looked abnormally fidgety. Their actions were shaky, varying from patting his pockets to running through his hair. He seemed more and more frustrated each time his hands left his pockets empty.

How curious Y/N thought as she racked her brain for any remembrance of putting a brush in her car. It was always a mess, and she honestly couldn’t blame Draco for assuming that anything could be in there.

“I don’t think there’s one here,” said Y/N, trying to sound at least a little sympathetic despite the fact that his tardiness had them 10 minutes late. “You can look around if you want, king.”

“What’d you call me?” His voice was suddenly sharp and awake.

Y/N rolled her eyes so hard that she thought they’d get stuck in the back of her head. “You don’t--ok. It’s a joke. You can call guys here that.”

“And it means that I’m…?”

“It means I’m acknowledging that you exist, I guess. It’s not like it has a strict negative or positive connotation. Like, I can say ‘Ok king’ to any man telling me something and it can either be sarcastic, or it can be because I don’t know what else to say and just want to let him know I heard him.”

Draco’s eyes looked a tad glazed over when Y/N dared a glance in his direction.

“I know it’s confusing. I’m sorry. I’ll try and ease you into the world of American slang.”

He granted her a little “uh-huh” before opening up the glovebox with great difficulty and rummaging through the mess. Y/N would’ve felt more embarrassed about the tampon that fell on the ground in the process if he seemed like he actually knew what it was.

Her attention turned back to the road as Draco continued to sift through things. Y/N couldn’t help but wonder if there was anything embarrassing hidden away in the corners of her car--after all, it hadn’t been organized since the beginning of summer--and decided that it was better to pretend it wasn’t happening.

It wasn’t the eerie silence that eventually prompted her to turn to look his direction--no, it was the weird energy in the car, like the feeling right before a thunderstorm. All the hair raised on her arms, and she shivered...but it was stifling hot in the car.

“Oh, did you find a brush?” she asked. His hair laid as perfectly as always, but his hands were lying shaking in his lap, palms to the sky. No hairbrush was in sight.

“Er... “ He was paler than usual, which was quite the feat for someone who looked like a ream of paper. “No. Just remembered a trick my father taught me.”

She tensed at the mention of his father--the very first time Draco had done so. “Oh. Okay. Glad you got it figured out, king.”

Her voice lightened on the last word, hoping she could coax a little smile out of him.

“Don’t call me that.”

“Ok.”

oOo

There were many things Y/N thought she understood, but Draco Malfoy being in her Physics C class was not one of them. She took pity and sat next to him as he fumbled his way through the first lecture. His notes, while neat, were littered with crossed out portions and question marks.

You do know there’s an eraser on your pencil, right? she jotted on a note that she sent his way. His brow furrowed and he seemed to tap at the end of the eraser for just a few moments before deciding otherwise and xing out another practice problem he’d done incorrectly. Symbols that she’d never seen before were scattered all throughout his notes.

Maybe the UK kids just learn stuff differently.

By the time that Physics came to an end, Y/N was eager to get away from the storm cloud that was brewing over Draco’s perfectly smoothed and infuriatingly pretty moonbeam colored hair. The amount of attention he was getting from all the other girls made Y/N want to jump off a cliff--suddenly everyone was her “best friend” “just wanting to check up on what happened over summer”. She was grateful to see the face of Lizzy, grinning and looking mischievous during their break period.

“You must be Draco,” said the redhead, a glint in her eyes. He looked a little scared.

“Er...yeah.”

“Mind giving us some privacy? Y/N and I have some urgent matters to discuss,” she continued, looking him up and down. Y/N attempted to ignore the twist in her gut as she watched him swallow and nod, turning away to go brood elsewhere. Once he was out of sight, Lizzy grabbed her arm and yanked her into the girl’s bathroom.

“It’s so funny how he’s following you around like a lost puppy,” Lizzy said. “Also, he’s gorgeous. If you don’t at least try to get some of that, then I’m never trusting your judgement again.”

“But, Li-”

“The boy’s a fucking walking Wattpad story cover. Dark, tragic past, unbelievably sharp jawline, rich parents, exotic accent....honestly, Y/N, I don’t know what else you could want.”

“Mom literally called him my host brother,” said Y/N. The bathroom was starting to smell suspiciously like cotton candy. “That’s wrong. On so many levels.”

“But you’re not related!”

“But it’s gross! And predatory! The kid doesn’t even know how to do basic algebra! I’m all he has!”

Lizzy’s eyebrow found its new home in the middle of her forehead. “You’ve gone absolutely batty if you think that every girl cursed with attraction to men in Cincinnati wouldn’t jump his skin at the chance. Use your head, queenie. He’s not alone. Shoot your shot.”

Y/N opened her mouth to serve back a retort--that was definitely there, thank you very much--but decided against it once she realized that the bathroom had become dead silent. “Um...maybe we can go over this later.” She flickered her eyes over to the line behind them that was now intently hanging on their every word. “I forgot I had to talk to the counselor.”

Lizzy was smirking as they exited the bathroom and began the search for Draco. It didn’t take long--the circle comprised of Heather and her friends was more than enough of a giveaway that he was about.

“Draco, sorry to make you wait,” Y/N called out. It took all her effort to abstain from cringing as her voice rang out across the group. Heather turned to send her a big smile.

“Hey Y/N! You didn’t tell me that Draco was from London!”

“He’s not,” she responded. “He’s from Wiltshire.”

“Wiltshire. Of course. That’s what I meant.”

Draco’s smile was tense as he looked down at Heather--who stood roughly 4 inches below him--but he was smiling, and that wasn’t something that Y/N was on the receiving end of frequently. She didn’t know whether to be offended or relieved.

“I’m sure. Break’s almost over, Draco. I can show you where the English department is before the time is up.”

He paused, looking down at the blonde grinning up at him. “Er, actually, Heather already offered to show me around for the rest of the day.”

“Yeah, for sure. I’ll see you in French.”

Y/N was shocked at the sheer amount of jealousy that rose up in her throat as she turned away and made her way to Art History---the only class Y/N and Draco didn’t share. The walk was strange. Being in solitude after having a gloomy British boy attached to her hip was understandably eerie. Because that’s all it was. Adjustment. Nothing else.

She settled in at a table full of her friends, namely Sylvia. The tall girl was always a bit whimsical, but Y/N found that she was a breath of fresh air compared to everyone else. It made sense that Sylvia would take Art History--her dark academic inspired aura and the perpetually hot mug of black coffee just screamed history nut.

“How’s your new brother?” she asked after the teacher had taken attendance. “I say that because I haven’t heard his name yet.”

“Ick, it’s gross to think of him as my brother,” Y/N responded. “And I know! We need to catch up. I’m sorry about not talking to you for a bit. The time difference was a bit weird during your trip.”

“It’s ok, I get it. I was away on family business, anyways. I didn’t expect you to spend your days staying up until the wee hours of the night to tell me all about your exchange student. Anyways. His name?”

“You’re gonna scream when you hear it, Vie,” she said. “Draco Malfoy. It’s so posh. You have no idea. It definitely suits him, though. He’s very...You good?”

Sylvia’s olive toned face looked a bit paler than usual. “Yeah. Yeah, I just remembered that I forgot to take the trash out this morning. I’ll have to text my mom about it.” She adjusted the wool cardigan that hung around her shoulders and came up looking composed. “Draco, huh? His parents must hate him.”

“At the very least! He’s so rude. And uptight. I can’t tell if it’s just a Brit thing or if it’s because he’s an asshole.”

Sylvia laughed. “I mean, when I was there over the summer, it was a different culture for sure. We’re by far louder. But I didn’t meet many mean ones. You must’ve just got a bad apple, then.”

“I guess so. He is pret--”

“Ladies, is there something you’d like to share with the rest of the class?”

“No, Mrs. Jensen,” Sylvia and Y/N said in unison.

oOo

“Thoughts, king?”

“I told you not to call me that.” Draco glared at her as he tried to open the passenger side door to find that it was locked tight. “Unlock? Please?”

“And I told you not to get cozy with ASB kids, yet here we are,” said Y/N as she slotted the key into the lock and turned.

“What’s it to you?”

“Nothing. I’m just looking out for you.” She slammed the door shut and threw her bag in the bag. The line of traffic to get out of the school was long and stuffy, and she was eager to just get it over with.

The wait was so hot that Draco peeled off his stupid formalish jacket that was on thin ice of being called a blazer and probably worth more than her car. Y/N tried to look away as his hair became slightly ruffled, but she couldn’t pry her eyes away. It was endearing, almost, how someone who could look so posh and serious could have ruffly hair--and hair that naturally light, too. She had asked him one night if it was dyed, and he scowled at her and told her the grammatically correct term was dead, and that his hair was alive, just like the rest of him, thank you very much. She dropped it.

Y/N finally rolled down her window after the AC simply refused to satisfy her, and the wind was a nice reminder to keep in her own lane. Draco was beautiful. There was no other way to put it. He had a feel of power to him, like he was capable of anything but just held it back. But he was just as inaccessible as he was pretty, and there was nothing she could do about that.

“Y/N?” He asked after a few moments of sitting in silence. “What’s Homecoming?”

“Who told you about that?”

“Heather. She asked if I had a date. Is that like a ball here?”

“She asked you if you had a date on the first day?”

“Yeah.”

“Fuck. ASB kids never do sleep, huh.”

“What?”

“Homecoming isn’t a ball. It’s like a...an…” Y/N paused as she saw Draco raise his eyebrows. “It’s, like, uh….Well I guess it is like a ball. An American one, though. Way less extravagant. It’s an excuse to get dressed up and run around the city. There technically is a dance, and all the ASB kids have to go, but literally no one else does but the underclassmen. Normally I go out with my friends and a date to somewhere fun and take pictures. And then get trashed afterwards.”

“Classy,” said Draco. “I think you can go now.”

A honk behind her emphasized his point as the space in between her and the car in front widened substantially.

“Thanks. Anyways, it’s not really a big deal. I’d suggest not going with Heather so you can skip out on the dance portion. Or if you want to go with her, get her to come with us into Cincinnati because I am not going to spend my last homecoming watching a grind circle.”

“A...what circle? And I don’t want to go with her.”

The relief Y/N felt was embarrassing. “Um...better if you don’t worry about it. You have a long time to figure it out anyways.”

He seemed satisfied with that answer, propping his elbow up on the center console. The pristine button up he was wearing had ridden up, exposing the pale skin and the bottom of the tattoo she had seen a hint of earlier. “Do you have a date?”

“Um. No, not yet. I don’t think anyone except for couples do yet. We have until the end of this month to figure it out, so I’m not too worried about it.”

He nodded as Y/N’s car finally left the school parking lot and began picking up speed.

“I’m assuming you had balls? At your posh boarding school?”

“Er…” Draco ran his hand through his hair, ruffling it further. “We only had one. It was when I was 14. We called it the Yule Ball.”

“Why only one?”

“It was for a special occasion. We had two other schools join us as well. It was quite a good time.”

“So every student only has one ball in their lifetime?”

“Of course not. Some of us--the ones from old families--have events like that regularly.”

“I’m sorry if this is overstepping my bounds,” began Y/N, noticing how he tensed up, “So you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. But, I’m just wondering, what is your family like?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like are they nice?”

“Oh.” The line in his forehead relaxed. “No. They wouldn’t like you.”

“Glad to hear it,” she said. “Do you like them?”

She heard the breath hitch in his throat. “I don’t know anymore.”

“I’m sure it’s hard to think about it when you feel like they’ve just shipped you off without anyone,” she added. “I’m really sorry, Draco. I know I’ve been a bit mean to you. I know that I’ll never be able to understand what you’re going through right now.”

The slight smile that spread across his face would’ve knocked her to her knees if she wasn’t already sitting down. “It’s okay. I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”

The silence that awaited them for the rest of the journey was comfortable.

oOo

School began to pick up the pace after the first few days. Y/N got into the swing of homework and her extracurricular workload. Draco was having a bit more difficulty, she presumed, but he’d never admit to it. She took pity one evening and gave him her laptop opened to a Khan Academy tab for Physics and was pleased to see that he showed up to class the next day with completed homework. He asked to borrow her laptop on a much more frequent basis after that.

The routine they settled into had her heart leaping into her chest almost constantly--they’d eat breakfast together at the table, Y/N would try to ignore how pretty he looked across the table as they shared a pot of black tea (earl grey, which Y/N was thrilled to learn was his favorite as well), they’d get in the car, she’d write him notes in physics to help him (even though he never asked, he always smile and give a little shake of his head before unfolding them and intently staring at her writing), they’d drive home together and bitch about their French teacher, he’d retire to his room and do whatever pretty blonde Brits do in the afternoon, they’d meet unexpectedly at the same time in the late evening to have a final cup of tea, and then they’d go to bed and do it all over again.

It was difficult for her to admit, but Y/N was falling very quickly for Draco. It was gross, and wrong, and manipulative, and completely against the code of conduct for exchange families, but she couldn’t help but spend her days fantasizing about how his gold-spun hair would feel as she ran her fingers through it or how gently she’d trace her fingers around the tattoo on the soft flesh of his forearm…

But Y/N knew those thoughts weren’t right. And they would go away. Eventually.

“How’s it going?” Sylvia asked, effectively snapping her out of her thoughts. The Art History sub told them to go into independent study, whatever that meant. Y/N was not very good at either of those words.

“Pretty good. I can’t believe it’s been 3 weeks already,” she said. “It’s gonna be Halloween before we know it.”

“I can’t fucking waitttt,” said Sylvia. “I’m gonna be Wednesday Addams.”

“Again?”

“What else would I be? I get a new high collared black dress every year. It’d be a shame if it were going to go to waste. What are you gonna be?”

“One of the thousands of students finishing their UChicago ED app hours before the deadline.”

“You’re kidding. Can’t you just finish it the day before?”

“Where’s the fun in that? And, plus, I don’t have an idea as cool as Wednesday.”

Sylvia smirked as she opened up her planner and began to jot down something. “How’s Draco doing? I haven’t seen much of him lately. It seems like he never hangs out with us at break anymore.”

“Yeah, I ended up getting him connected with the Physics teacher. He’s getting tutored now. He thinks it’s all bullshit, but I don’t want to be the reason he doesn’t get into a good school.”

“Is that all you care about?” She smiled at Y/N. “Lizzy was telling me that you’re interested in him.”

“First of all, keep your voice down. Second of all, I’m not supposed to be, so I’m not.” Y/N hoped that the edge in her voice was convincing enough.

Her friend raised her eyebrows so dramatically that her glasses nearly slipped off her nose. “Y/N, who’s gonna hear about it. You guys are both going away at the end of the year anyways, and I’m sure he’s not going to be writing to his dear mum about his love life. If it’s consensual, there’s nothing wrong with it. I think it’d be good for both of you.”

“I see that, but let’s put me in his shoes right now.” Y/N shuffled in her seat and clasped her hands. “I’m rich. I’m British. I’m very hot. My parents throw extravagant balls for me and I kiss pretty girls that say water like ‘wota’. I’ve spent my life in silk and I only drink the finest teas. My family is so important that I had to be shipped off halfway across the world just to be safe. And now my incredibly expensive life has reached a peak because I’m sleeping with a random girl in Ohio that has run approximately 4 stop signs since I’ve met her.”

“You’re sleeping with Draco?”

Y/N turned to see Lauren, a wide-eyed, obnoxious, but well meaning girl staring at her. She heard Sylvia stifle a laugh behind her. “No. I was kidding.” The smile that she followed with was awkward and showed way too many teeth.

“Oh, okay,” said Lauren. “Do you know if he likes anyone?”

Sylvia’s smirk widened.

“No, actually, he’s a pretty private guy.” Y/N sent her another tense smile, and Lauren finally turned away.

“Jealous, huh?”

“Shut up, Vie. You know I wouldn’t go for him. Even if I had the chance.”

She just raised an eyebrow and smiled.

The afternoon brought its own set of struggles. Their French teacher had blown up at another student who had been caught cheating on their last test, and it was all Y/N could do but hold back her snickers until they were out in the parking lot.

“I can’t believe they still managed to conjugate their cheat sheet wrong.” Y/N was gasping for breath as she unlocked the car door and threw her stuff inside. Draco was watching from the passenger seat, his lips in a soft upturn. “Can you imagine? Oh my god.”

He just shook his head and turned to look out the window, but she could see the smile slowly stretching across his face. “Ridiculous. You could totally tell Monsieur enjoyed it, too. I bet he gets off on making kids like Joey cry.”

“I had a teacher like that,” he started. “He was a Poti-a chemistry teacher.”

“Oh? Did he ever attack you?”

“No. He liked me. Family friends and all.”

“Ah. I almost forgot that your family was rich and influential. Thanks for the reminder.” She reached across and lightly punched his shoulder. His smile, though still remaining, seemed to shrink. “Hey, what’s that in your bag?”

Y/N motioned to the cardstock peeking out of his nondescript black backpack that always seemed to fit more than it was meant to. She could make out a few words written in what looked like a bright red sharpie--something that did not exactly scream Draco Malfoy aesthetic.

He froze up. “Er. It’s from Heather. I think she called it a Homecoming ask?”

Y/N’s throat dried up to the point that no words would willingly make the climb from her diaphragm to her tongue; instead, she settled for giving him a little nod and what she hoped was a convincing smile.

“I told her I’d think about it,” he continued. “I remember you saying that the school dances sucked. So I let her know that I wasn’t sure yet.”

She nodded again. “Super cool. You can do whatever you want, though. You can come with my group if you’d like, but you’re welcome to go with Heather’s.”

“What? So you aren’t coming with me if I go with Heather?”

“Fuck no, dude. I don’t hate her, but I would way prefer to spend a night with my friends than some girl from my French class that only talks to me because she thinks you’re hot.”

The expression Draco made reminded Y/N that he would never get comfortable with American girls calling him hot. “Ok. Have you found a date yet?”

“Chad from Econ asked me yesterday.”

“Is that why my seat was covered in glitter?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you going with him?” Draco’s hand was clenched tight in a fist in his lap.

“I think so,” said Y/N, steeling herself and deciding to just go for it. “But, of course, if you asked me I would say no to Chad. Just out of principle. I am supposed to be your tour guide, after all.”

The only parts of him moving were the few stray wisps of his hair being pushed around by the AC going.

“But that’d be weird. I’d only expect you to take that up if you really didn’t want to go to the dance itself.” She swallowed and pulled out onto the main street, putting distance between them and the school. He was silent for a few moments. The quiet, normally comfortable between them, was stifling and strange. She pretended to ignore the way he was fiddling with his cuffs.

“Yeah, it could be,” was all he said before slumping against the window and closing his eyes.

Mrs. Y/L/N was sitting at the head of the coffee table when the two arrived home, carding between a stack of letters in front of her. The mug of something--probably that new decaf blend she hadn’t stopped raving about--was sitting lopsided on a coaster, just barely about to topple off the edge. She looked like she hadn’t moved for hours, the novel she had been previously reading sat face down to preserve the spot next to her no doubt lukewarm drink.

“Hey Mom,” Y/N said as she set her keys down. “Anything good?”

She looked up, her expression morphing from startled to happy. “Other than the college brochures? Nothing, except...hm, what’s this?”

Her well manicured hand pulled at a crimson envelope, with sloping writing that seemed to shimmer in the light.

To the Y/L/N Family, it read. The loopiness of the writing looked like it wiggled at the ends, but that had to be a trick of the light. It was dim in the kitchen during afternoons, after all.

“It looks cool, open it u--”

“No!”

Draco’s voice had never sounded so loud as it did then as he lunged across the kitchen, snatching it out of her mother’s hand and clutching it to his chest. “Er, it’s for me. I recognize the handwriting.”

“Cool, see you later,” said Y/N. She was up the stairs and slamming her door before either of her housemates could say another word. After the horrible embarrassment that was technically Draco’s rejection, she needed to be alone.

Even burying her face into her pillow and squeezing her eyes shut didn’t keep the scenes from their car ride at bay. She had been so stupid, so stupid. Why did she even think he wanted that? He was her brother, after all. Oh god, does he think we’re all from Alabama or something?

She wallowed for a few more mournful minutes before deciding that she had to pick herself up and handle it like an adult. After all, she was going to be 18 in just a few months. There was no excuse for her to act like a child anymore. And, plus, it wasn’t like she couldn’t just play this off as a pity invite. Yes,that’s what she’d frame this as if he ever asked her about it again. She felt bad for him was all it was.

Once satisfied with her internal dialogue, she rolled out of bed and made for the foyer where her bag was still on the table. She’d first walk on Legos barefoot before she had to let a stupid boy--especially one that didn’t know how to turn on their shower and had to ask for her help every time--come between her and her 4.0. Never.

Her thoughts were cut short, however, when she heard a new sound from his side of the hallway. She froze, listening closely.

Draco was crying.

#draco x reader #draco malfoy x reader #draco imagine #draco malfoy imagine #draco malfoy #draco #draco x you #draco x y/n #draco malfoy x you #draco malfoy fanfiction #draco lucius malfoy #draco x oc #draco malfoy x oc

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addierose444 · 4 years ago

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A Typical Week: Spring 2021

Before getting into the actual content, I thought I would just point out that this is my 100th blog post! You can check out the full list here.

As noted in my fall 2020 version of this post, my week is primarily dictated by my current course schedule. (To check out all of my past courses, click here). Furthermore, the way I write these posts is to focus on academics as they're a big part of my life, but also the most natural thing to write about publicly. This post should give you a realistic sense of the structure of my week and courses. I thought it may be useful to contrast expectations and reality when it comes to productivity. Early in the semester, I mapped out my idealized homework schedule around my meetings and assignment deadlines. The first row lists deadlines. The other rows are split by my meals (lunch and dinner). Even if I don’t strictly follow the schedule, spending the time to map things out is quite useful. To write about my real schedule, I actually looked back through data from my time tracking application, Toggl Track. I know this is a very long post, but it wasn’t really interesting enough to become a two-parter.

A typical school day starts off with my 9:00 (or 9:10) alarm. I also often have a second alarm set for 9:15 as a backup. Here at college, I simply use the default clock app on my phone and have it play from my favorites playlist on Spotify. I very occasionally need to wake up earlier to finish up an assignment as midnight is my strict cutoff for doing work. I know a consistent sleep schedule is very important, but it’s definitely something I struggle with.

Monday:

My week begins with a 9:20 math class. The specific course is math methods which as previously explained is an applied math course from the physics department that is required for physics and engineering majors. We usually start off by going over the pre-class check in (PCCI) and/or other questions students have. This review is followed by a lecture on new material. Throughout the class, we work through example problems in breakout rooms (on Zoom whiteboards) and answer multiple-choice questions using the poll feature. (The poll questions are anonymous and ungraded). Partway through the class, we get a 4-minute break. One nice thing about this class is that we actually thoroughly go through the example problems when we regroup as an entire class. This is important because, without feedback, practice is of limited utility. Furthermore, going over the problem gives me a chance to get everything into my notes. The integration of lectures with practice is something I really appreciate about this course. In past math classes, the format has been a lecture followed by a worksheet of practice problems. While that model sometimes makes sense, I much prefer this integrated approach. One issue with leaving practice until the end is that you sometimes run out of time and don’t catch knowledge gaps until the end of class. After math methods, I get a 20-minute break during which I often listen to the latest episode of The Daily (a short new podcast from the New York Times).

Next up is my philosophy of logic class which starts with a few minutes of breathing and stretching. On the first day of class, I thought this was a really strange thing, but have come to appreciate it. Afterward, we go over any relevant announcements and sometimes debrief the previous class. This class is different from my other classes in that it is reading and discussion-based. We spend most of the class in the main room strengthening our understanding of the reading through full class discussions and mini-lectures. Even though the class is already very small (13 students), we also make use of breakout rooms to work through study questions. Our tests are pyramid style which means we spend one class period working independently and another class on the same questions in a small group. We also have short quizzes, called mini check-ins, every few weeks. Next up is lunch during which I sometimes listen to a podcast or audiobook. You can check out some of my favorite podcasts and books of 2020 at the associated links.

After lunch, I have my computer systems lab. The teaching assistant of my lab section starts off with a quick introduction to the assignment. We then work independently and ask questions as they come up. Even though we don’t really work collaboratively the lab is sort of fun because it’s less formal than a regular class. For the first part of the semester, the lab assignments often took way longer than the allotted time (and sometimes longer than our projects) so I often spent more of the afternoon finishing up the assignment. Fortunately, the course staff was made aware of this issue and adjusted accordingly. Just for some context, this course is a UMass class which is why there is a whole course team and teaching assistants. To read more about Five College course registration click here. At Smith, while some classes have teaching assistants who help out during class, all of the classes are taught and run by our actual professors. We also have student tutors as an academic resource outside of class. To read more about academic support systems at Smith, click here.

After finishing up my lab assignment, I start in on my math methods PCCI. A typical PCCI consists of reading a section or two of the textbook (written by our professor) and completing a short practice problem or so-called discovery exercise. Depending on the week, I either start in on my reading assignment for my computer systems class or logic class. At 4:00, I have my weekly one-on-one meeting with my supervisor for my ResLife job. Following the meeting, I relax by listening to music or an audiobook. At 5:00, I order, pick up, and eat my dinner. After dinner, I complete any remaining readings for my computer systems and logic classes. If I haven’t yet completed my lab assignment or have an exam the following day, I devote some of the night to circuits. Otherwise, I may work on a computer systems project or theory of computation assignment.

Tuesday:

Tuesday’s are my busiest day of the week in terms of class hours. With that said, it’s nothing compared to my Thursdays last fall. I start Tuesdays off with my circuits class. During class, we learn new circuit theory and circuit analysis techniques. We also go through example problems. While we often run out of time to fully work through the extra practice problems in breakout rooms, fortunately, my professor posts videos going over those problems. After taking our feedback into account, we now get a break partway through the class. Each lecture covers a lot of material, so the brain/screen break is much appreciated. To check in on how the class is feeling about various concepts, our professor has us use the annotation feature on a scale from totally get it to totally lost.

After circuits is my 20-minute break followed by my theory of computation lecture. The theoretical nature of the material means that it really is a lecture. While we obviously go through examples, there aren’t really practice problems as there would be in a math class. We use the chat to some extent in all of my classes, but to a greater degree in this course. Next up is lunch and a COVID test. At 1:40 I am back to circuits for the lab. Most of the labs are virtual with physical lab equipment, but a few have been in-person so that we could use special equipment. Ironically, one of our in-person labs was actually fully virtual in terms of lab equipment. (We were sitting on the lawn outside of Ford together and running circuit simulators on our laptops). Fortunately, we don’t usually need to stay until 4:30. I tend to just collect my data, ask some questions about the material, and then finish up the write-up at a later point in time. This time block is also the one used whenever we have an exam.

I always start by doing the textbook reading for circuits. I don’t read super closely, but it’s still a good primer for the next class. In terms of other work, Tuesdays are a bit more unpredictable and really depend on how much I got done over the weekend. Specifically, while I usually finish my math methods assignment over the weekend, occasionally I need to finish it up on Tuesday evenings. Likewise, for circuits, I sometimes finish the last few problems on a Tuesday evening. At 7:00, I have a staff meeting with the other community advisors in my neighborhood and our supervisor. Our meetings usually take place over Zoom, but our most recent one was in-person with ice cream from Herrell’s which was a lot of fun. You can read about some other Northampton food locations (restaurants, cafes, and more) here. In weeks where I haven’t yet started my computer systems work, I do what I would usually have done on a Monday on a Tuesday.

Wednesday:

Wednesdays are similar to Mondays without the computer systems lab and ResLife meeting. In the afternoon I often attend office hours for my theory of computation class to ask questions about the weekly assignment. Even though I don’t have my logic class until the following Monday, I usually just do the reading on Wednesday afternoon. On Wednesday evenings, I typically work through my circuits revisions. I also tend to do a good chunk of my computer systems coursework. This consists of watching lecture videos, taking notes, and taking lesson quizzes. Furthermore, I have definitely spent some Wednesday evenings working through computer systems projects.

Thursday:

Thursdays are like Tuesdays without the circuits lab. Even though I have the whole afternoon free, unfortunately, I am sometimes having to finish up my theory of computation assignment. It’s also common for me to start working on the new math methods problem set. In the case of this Thursday, I played some guitar and then started writing this post. I also do my circuits reading for Tuesday and take the quick lab quiz. If I have any remaining computer systems coursework, I do that as well.

Friday:

This semester I only have one class on Fridays, math methods. After class, I get a COVID test and an early lunch. I know it seems crazy how many free afternoons I have given that I am taking 22 credits and am a double STEM major. However, part of this is explained by my UMass computer systems course being asynchronous and the fact that I completed the one-credit companion course in C programming before my Smith semester started. My computer systems class was originally scheduled to meet Monday, Wednesday, and Friday afternoons. Even though I wish the class was synchronous, the flexibility of an asynchronous class has been much appreciated. Furthermore, the class was in a terrible time block that would have caused me to miss most of house tea. Back to what a Friday afternoon looks like! After completing my PCCI for math methods, I often rewatch the lecture videos for computer systems (on double speed) and then take the weekly quiz. I next pick up tea snacks from Cutter-Z and attend house tea at 4:30. After tea, I order dinner and often eat it in the living room with housemates. Fridays are definitely my least productive day and I have definitely taken a few weekly quizzes on Saturday after having planned to take them on Friday. Instead of doing real work, I often spend Friday afternoons writing blog posts. As for this post, I wrote most of it yesterday but spent a good chunk of Friday afternoon on it as well.

Saturday:

Despite my best efforts to have a consistent sleep schedule, I often sleep in on Saturdays until 10:00. I then have a leisurely hour or so of listening to an audiobook. At 11:00, I get an early lunch. As mentioned in the Friday description, I sometimes end up taking my weekly quiz for computer systems on Saturday. When I have tests in math methods, I typically take them on Saturday night. (The tests are timed but are self-scheduled over the given weekend which includes Friday). When there is not a math test, I often work on my math problem set in the afternoon. Every few weeks, I host POCheese at 4:00. This week we are actually going to be meeting at 5:00 for a ramen night! At 6:00 I have a uke club meeting over Zoom. In weeks where I have already finished my math problem set and don’t have a test, I start in on my circuits problem set.

Sunday:

Sundays start like Saturdays in that I often have a leisurely morning. At 11:00 I get a COVID test and an early lunch. Sundays are almost always devoted to my circuits. This includes working through the problems set, the lab writeup, or studying for an upcoming exam. If my Saturday wasn’t as productive as intended, I do the homework described in that section. At 6:00 I have a Society of Women Engineers (SWE) board meeting. At 7:00, I either lead a community meeting (part of my ResLife job) or attend house council. Afterward, I fill out my weekly report (also part of my ResLife job).

#college #Smith College #academics #schedule #week in my life #homework #spring 2021

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denissebriones14 · 3 years ago

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Information Technology

Information technology is building communications networks for a company, safeguarding data and information, creating and administering databases, helping employees troubleshoot problems with their computers or mobile devices, or doing a range of other work to ensure the efficiency and security of business information systems. Demand for professionals in this field is high and growing, and people entering the field have a range of career paths to choose from.

Advantages of technology in education

Looking back over the last hundred years, introducing technology into the classroom has been a blessing only for younger students and teachers. In other words, with a sudden introduction of a wide range of devices and the Internet, students got the opportunity to make the learning process much easier and more interesting. Key benefits of technology in education include:

Provides a better interactive experience during the learning and teaching process

With the introduction of mobile phones, tablets and computers, students are now able to do something they should have been able to do long ago – to learn actively and productively. For the first time, students can access a subject/teaching unit with enthusiasm thanks to applications, videos, simulations and digital books that make the learning process much more engaging. Moreover, having the opportunity to dig deeper into an area that interests them allows them to potentially recognize their interests and talents, and maybe even their future profession.

Provides access to an unlimited amount of current information and data from a variety of sources

In addition to the fact that students approach learning with more enthusiasm and productivity, they also have the opportunity to access the most current topics and research, which is something their ancestors could only dream about. Instead of going from library to library, dragging a pile of books with them, they are just a few clicks and well-defined queries away from accessing information that can give them additional insight into the topics they are covering at school. So, this practice not only enables students to have a modern education, but it also teaches them how to approach the search for information and read complex professional literature.

Teaches them digital literacy

We all know that young people cannot acquire the level of skill demanded by today’s corporate world in computer science classes. By implementing technology as an integral part of education, students are given the opportunity to keep up with learning trends and acquire technological/digital skills that are highly sought after in the 21st century. This form of learning is most helpful for students who don’t have access to modern technology at home, which could also potentially reduce the social gap between digitally literate and illiterate people.

Reduces educational costs

With the introduction of technology in education, resources have become more accessible, which resulted in declining tuition fees, the need for books and their price, as well as the reduced need for school supplies. The introduction of e-books has made things easier for low-income families, and helped students to approach learning on equal terms with their peers, without parental pressure for high performance arising from large investments into their child’s education.

In addition, another positive side-effect of using e-books in education is the fact that they indirectly contribute to the reduction of deforestation, which is one of the major environmental problems.

Provides better insight into student performance thanks to metrics

In the past, teachers had to spend considerable time evaluating the overall academic performance of each student, which proved to be very impractical, especially in large classes with over 20 students. Unfortunately, many students never succeed in correcting the wrong steps in learning that can help them improve their performance, and potentially discover their talents of affinities.

However, with the introduction of digital technologies and the Internet in the classrooms, a teachers’ job of analyzing student performance and providing guidelines and advice has become much easier, which is a win-win situation both for teachers and students. Specifically, thanks to platforms that collect data on student performance in class, tests, and assignments, teachers have clear insight into the areas students struggle with, or excel at. Moreover, teachers are now able to modify lessons based on insights into the performance of individual students, or class as a whole.

They can choose between real-time learning or learning at their own pace

Technology in education has allowed students to gain control over their learning, but it also provided flexibility to teachers in transferring knowledge to students. Namely, this practice is only possible in schools that support hybrid (blended) learning, i.e. a combination of synchronous real-time learning, and asynchronous learning where students can listen to a lecture when they choose.

Listening to a teacher giving a lesson in real time provides students with a stronger sense of belonging, and allows them to socialize with their peers, same as face-to-face interaction with the teacher. On the other hand, more independent students who are confident in their own time management and commitment management skills can learn whenever they feel like it.

Disadvantages of technology in education

It is great to be optimistic and believe in the continuous advancement of technology, however, it is equally important to not lose sight of the negative sides of technology in education, and how it can cause long-term problems for young people. Namely, many sceptics from the domain of social sciences and humanities often point out several potential disadvantages of technology in education, and how it can negatively affect certain aspects, and the quality of children’s life and development:

It is distracting both in the classroom and outside of it

Proponents of technology in education often forget that students continue to use their mobile phones and tablets throughout the day, long after they’ve completed their school activities. Namely, with the daily dosage of social media and video games, children’s brains are accustomed to entertaining, intensive, and short-term content that can quickly stimulate their dopamine system.

The biggest problem here is the fact that daily interaction with technological devices reduces attention span, and research shows that the attention span of children from Generation Z is about 8 seconds. Although teachers may have good intentions, the use of applications that have nothing to do with the teaching process itself should be restricted, and technology should be used in class only when absolutely necessary.

Potentially diminishes cognitive development and reduces problem-solving skills

Technology always has a good intention, to reduce the time and make it easier to perform certain mechanical activities. However, technology has automated almost all school activities. Why would a child need to learn the basics of math, when they can use a calculator on their phone, or why would they need to learn spelling, when they have autocorrect software?

So, what was originally a positive intention has led to the situation that new generations will be unable to perform everyday cognitive activities without technology. In addition, it should be noted that when children use technology to solve every problems at school, they gradually lose their problem-solving abilities, which is a highly sought-after set of skills. The only solution to this problem is to have teachers and educational institutions as a whole impose restrictions on the use of technology in education.

Reduces direct peer interaction

Although digital technologies have been shown to improve student advancement, and project collaboration, they, however, disregard our biological need for interaction in real time. Namely, we have lived as social beings for over tens of thousands of years, and we now think that we can trick our genetic predisposition so easily.

Although young people interact with their parents, teachers and peers, the percentage of adolescents with a diagnosis of some form of depression has been growing, and has now reached a staggering 20%. The only solution that teachers and educational institutions can offer is to encourage young people to engage in face-to-face interaction with others.

Maintaining modern technology is very expensive

The cost of upgrading or maintaining technology is often overlooked. In a world where new innovations in the field of digital technologies appear almost every month, and where upgrading software and applications continuously requires more powerful devices, relying on the belief that technology in education is the only solution sounds overly confident.

Namely, teaching and learning can be done without technology, but the question is – how useful the acquired specific skills will be after a few generations of technological backwardness. So, in order to not regret the purchase of new technology, educational institutions are obligated to estimate the actual long-term costs of that investment, and how it will reflect on tuition fees that students and their parents need to pay.

It is easier to cheat in exams

A huge problem that teachers face is cheating on exams, and not having an insight into student knowledge of a lesson. This is also the biggest problem with online tests, because teachers often don’t know if students have access to another device while taking the test. This problem could have long-term consequences, primarily due to the inability of educational institutions to guarantee that the student actually possesses the knowledge needed for higher levels of education, or to do their job.

Reduced number of teachers due to automation and reduced salaries

With the introduction of technology in the curriculum, the role of the teacher as an authority figure and mediator is slowly fading. It should be noted that automation in education and the introduction of certain applications has led to a decrease in the number of teachers in modern schools. However, the remaining teachers have even more responsibilities than before, and their income is not increasing in proportion with their responsibilities, so many have had to give up their job.

As we said earlier, describing the advantages of technology in education, children have the opportunity to access a wide spectrum of information that makes lessons more engaging, but the question is, how long does it take to prepare and integrate that content into a meaningful whole? So, increased responsibilities mostly refer to the preparations for class, the importance and complexity of which are underestimated by many, primarily because it is not visible to parents.

The problem that needs to be addressed is that educational institutions should stop approaching teachers as manual laborers, and the first step toward that goal is increasing their salary and treating them with the respect they deserve, otherwise, we will have unmotivated teachers who don’t care about transferring knowledge to their students, and the consequence is a generation of individuals incapable of becoming useful members of society.

Final thoughts on the pros and cons of technology in education

Different people have different opinions on the introduction of these changes in the education system, especially if it’s done so suddenly and in such a short time. However, one should be realistic, because the advantages still far outweigh the disadvantages.

So, a continuous insistence on disadvantages should not be seen as a desire to return to traditional education, but as a reason for caution and the possibility to better see the holes in the technologies and methods used in education. It is up to educational institutions and teachers to analyze the disadvantages in the next revision, and improve the quality of teaching both in their digital and physical classrooms.

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studymakerindia · 3 years ago

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saintmachina · 6 years ago

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What were some parts of seminary that you liked, versus ones you didn’t? I’m thinking about my future (read: freaking tf out) and I know I want to study theology in some way, I’m just not sure how exactly, ya feel?

Thanks for the question! Your mileage may vary: I went to a Princeton Seminary, which I would categorize as a theologically/politically moderate, academic, traditional Western-style seminary. Seminary culture varies WIDELY from school to school, so keep that in mind when choosing between, say, a Princeton, which may be a more insular academic community focused on research and internships, and a Fuller, which may be a larger community more integrated with the surrounding city concerned with practical training for missionaries, worship leaders, and Christian artists. This is NOT to say that you can’t learn to be an awesome worship leader at PTS (I know them) or an awesome theology professor at Fuller, but make sure you shop around for your particular cultural, career, and academic needs.

Things I Loved

The residential experience. Nearly all students at PTS live in beautiful on-campus housing or in apartments specialized for families with children just a few miles away. Living a few minutes walk from the library, my professors’ offices, and the chapel was amazing, especially since students at PTS tend to be sociable with the others who live on their hall. I would often spend my evenings studying with friends in their dorm rooms, and since everyone on campus at any given time tends to eat their meals in the cafeteria together, I formed a strong clique of ten or so people who unpacked my readings + spiritual crises with me at the lunch table.

Spiritual friendships. I was able to make deeper friends than ever before in my life from a variety of denominational and theological backgrounds. We saw each other through vocational shifts, prayed with each other, administered the Eucharist to each other, celebrated birthdays and ordinations together, and stayed up late into the night when anyone needed us. I would literally drive across the country to bail any of them out of jail at a moment’s notice.

The emotional crucible. Seminary is bootcamp for the soul. You get exposed to so many new ideas and theologies, learn how to preach, sit at people’s bedside while they’re sick, pull together responses for every new act of violence in the news, and most of the time, are thrust into a leadership role at a church that is either going under and begging you to save them or so large and thriving that it nearly swallows you whole. Nothing will grow you up like that. I have an insane amount of poise now dealing with other people’s crises, rage, or grief, and that wasn’t the case when I matriculated. Pastors are all making it up as we go along, but seminary gives at least the appearance of sage wisdom under pressure.

Academic engagement with theology. This one seems obvious, but after spending four years in a secular liberal arts university that was tolerant of my enduring interest in religion but didn’t offer me an outlet for it, seminary was balm in Gilead. I loved being able to dig into what I really cared about directly, be that metaphysics, church history, or the Bible as literature, and I thrived being surrounded by other people who cared about it and did the reading and wanted to explore together.

Freedom to research what I wanted. There are plenty of demanding intro-level courses that throw you to the ground and kick you while you cry into your notecards (New Testament, what’s good) but it was fun being on that ride with the rest of your small cohort, and upper-level classes offered chances to research what you cared about. I got to present research on astrology in the book of Daniel, queer American Muslim communities, IVF treatments and theology in Ghana, overlap in myths about Odin and Jesus, and I did an independent research study linking the emergent church to the spike in Millennials re-discovering the Episcopal and Catholic churches.The library was stuffed to the brim with books I would kill for. What a treat.

The melting pot. PTS DEFINITELY has its ideological and admissions biases but they do work hard to create a diverse student body, and I was close with students from so many different counties, denominations, ethnicities, and political leanings, which was enriching beyond belief. It was one of the big reasons I chose a seminary degree. That said, not all schools skew diverse, and I was very specific about choosing a seminary that was explicitly affirming of women in ministry and the goodness and wholeness of LGBTQ+ folks, so I knew that I would be supported by general school policies. Getting that information up front is important.

Access to university resources. This one is PTS specific, but I went to a independent seminary closely linked to and basically on the same campus as Princeton University (they were the same school back in the 1800s until an amicable split, but we’re still cozy). This meant that I had access to Princeton U libraries, free events, lectures, and religious life, and I was a member of the Episcopal Church at Princeton U for most of my time at seminary. People bribe admissions officials or work themselves to nervous breakdown to get access to the resources I had at my fingertips, and I don’t take that for granted.

The aesthetic. If I’m gong to take tens of thousands dollars of loans out for graduate school you bet you’re ass I’m going to be sitting in American Hogwarts while I do it.

Things I Did Not

The cliquishness. This one is a double-edged sword, because I thrived on having a clique of high-functioning. highly-educated pastors who ate at the same lunch table and gossiped about the same people and showed up to campus parties in a gang, but that’s not always healthy. People tended to fragment off by denomination or where they fall on the liberal-conservative scale, and differences can fester that way. Students of color were often implicitly excluded from certain spaces through this behavior. Humans skew towards tribalism to begin with, but when you put super socially-oriented people with strong beliefs in one space where they have to live on top of each other and are looking for low-effort socializing after a long day in the trauma ward, confessional, or picket line, it gets worse.

Imposter syndrome. Maybe it’s grad school in general that does this, but I spent most of my degree fighting off the feeling that I was dumb, lazy, not serious enough about my “calling” or my research, and probably a heretic. Part of my character growth came from learning not to give a fuck about what people who didn’t share my passions thought of them, and from realizing that I wasn’t on the ordination or PhD track like most of my peers, and that was okay. So I grew from this, but it stung like hell. I cried a lot.

No handholding. The professors at PTS were, by and large, old school, and they were busy as hell. While there was opportunities for office hours, most engagement with professors came in the performative form of “a question, well, more of a comment really” during lectures. Students, (mostly men, I’m not going to lie to you) scrambling for a good letter of rec for a PhD tended to monopolize whatever time professors had. I can think of exceptions (Ellen Charry was exceptional and made time for me in her home when I was struggling to unpack antisemitic theology) but it was a far cry from the literature department in my undergrad, where professors were accessible and knew me personally as mentors and friends.

Caregiver burnout. This is my big one, and is the reason I’m still in recoup mode doing the office job thing instead of working in formal ministry. Everyone at my school was a pastor, hospital chaplain, activist, or social worker. We are the people who care so much, and who are constantly doing emotional labor for those around us with no time off and usually, poor personal boundaries. Working in a field where it is your job to hold everyone’s hurt and be the face of God to them while their life falls apart is….hard. It was not unusual for me to work ten hours at Penn on my feet in campus ministry, helping people sort through whether or not they wanted to report their sexual assault, holding mini-interventions about excessive drinking, and scrambling to re-schedule worship night after my volunteer went to the hospital after a suicide attempt, and then ride the train home while my phone blew up with news of a new mass shooting that I would have to help host a candlelight vigil for. You hold your parishioner’s hand while they die in hospice. You watch social services take your client’s children away. You stand still while someone screams at you for being too political in your sermon, or not political enough. You sit down to do the budget only to realize the beloved pastor who just retired had been embezzling. Typical Tuesday.

A lot of the items on these lists are specific to my temperament and the culture at PTS, but by and large I would say it was an amazing experience well worth my time, effort, and money. I pushed myself academically beyond what I believed I was capable of, made the deepest friends of my life, found a home denomination, learned how to effectively care for others and myself, and was met by God in transformative ways again and again. Someday I may get that ordination or work for a ministry nonprofit again, but I have skills now that no one can take away from me, skills I use every day in some capacity.

Good luck in your discernment process, and I pray you find yourself in exactly the place you need to be!

#people of the page #princeton theological seminary #princeton seminary #seminary #grad school #studyblr #gradblr #theology

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sinesalvatorem · 6 years ago

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My First Day (Back) In College

Today I went back to school! I am now officially a student of the City College of San Francisco. I was last in uni when I was 17 - hence the “17 year old grad school drop out” bullet in my description. This year I decided to bite that bullet and drop back into school, where I will presumably learn such academic writing techniques as “not mixing that many metaphors”.

The only class I had today that I was already registered for was Philosophy of Knowledge, which I eagerly attended once I found the building. I made sure to sit at the front of the class - ostensibly to signal attentiveness, but to be honest it was 60% to have an excuse to not react to most of the students in the class. I intend to get to know all of them over time, but G-d are classrooms overwhelming the first time.

As this was day one, it was a class about the class. In it, we learned that professor Johnson is going to be spending most of his time each day in that classroom, whether or not he has a class, which is something I expect to take advantage of. He also directly encouraged us to (*gasp*) speak in class - by which I mean he addressed me specifically while saying this, and I did in fact gasp.

We also learned that the class is structured in such a way that it should be near impossible to fail as long as you consistently apply effort. Which is good, because while I have no doubt I’ll do excellently in philosophy per se, I can tell that my presence in the class (and the college in general) isn’t about that - it’s about the much more difficult problem of learning how to meaningfully engage with the world. And good G-d am I a dumbass there - but I can definitely put in the effort and keep trying as many times as it takes.

Halfway through the lecture, the power went out, so Dr Johnson wrapped up early. I stuck around to ask him questions about his class, the college, and I’d intended to ask about joining the philosophy club but forgot in the moment. However, the question I opened with was the one I cared most about, and which I least expected to get an answer on:

“I have the feeling that everyone at City College already knows who I am. Do you know what’s going on there?” His eyes went wide at this one, then after a moment he said there was not aware of anything like this and had never met me before. The way he said it felt rather unconvincing, and throughout the rest of the day people (especially professors) continued to act like they already knew me, but I didn’t expect to get the Big Reveal at this point anyway.

(While I’m gradually piecing together more parts of the ‘Panopticon Puzzle’ - just the other day, I realised that people have been sharing videos of me dancing on BART, for example - I still know very little about the motives or mechanisms. Plus, I’m concerned that it gets more overt as I look more closely at the lens looking at me. These days riding the train is damn stressful because now there are people waiting for me to dance.)

After Phil 4, I got some academic counseling, which helped me determine potentially interesting future classes. However, as there’s limited counselor availability at the start of the semester, I was not yet able to do in-depth plotting-my-course stuff. So after my counseling session, I was kind of listless, but wanted to stay on campus because it seemed like the best questing location.

Eventually I figured out that there was a Music Fundamentals class happening at the time, and I went to the classroom and asked the professor if I could drop in. He said “For you, definitely”, which I just accepted with only a hint of internal “What do you mean for me?”

Dr Blea’s class was very much worth dropping into. Early in the class he said that he makes sure every student in his class ends up telling their story, even if they claim not to, before turning to me and saying “I know you have a story”. To which I replied “Don’t worry, I fully admit to having a story”. He then went around the class asking what instruments we played, with the first person saying they don’t play an instrument but just move their fingers - while looking at me, prompting me to say “Called out”.

Through this intro exercise, I learned I was surrounded by pianists, bassists, violinists, vocalists, and a percussionist. During the intro, Dr Blea asked the percussionist to clap a 6/8 beat, and I matched the beat with my fingers. The professor was very pleased by this exercise, and his enthusiasm was high going forward. He soon pulled out his violin and said he was going to play Bohemian Rhapsody, to which I said that I could sing that. This was sort of true - I can sing the sections of it out of order - but he was quite ready to make me put my music where my mouth is.

So I belted sections of Bohemian Rhapsody to Dr Blea’s violin in the Music Fundamentals class I was not registered for. At several points, my classmate Ryan accompanied me, which helped me have the confidence to do this damn fool thing. At the end, the professor told me to take a bow, so in a state of surprised confusion I got up and bowed toward him, before being told I was supposed to bow for the class, as they’re who I’d performed for. I did so, and said that Ryan should also take a bow, as he had sung with me, but he didn’t take the stand. #relatable

We then got on to discussing more theoretical aspects of music, such as intervals and harmony. One of the students asked Dr Blea if he had perfect pitch, because everyone always wants to know if musicians have perfect pitch. He said no, but he courageously took the empirical approach by playing notes on a piano without looking at the keys and guessing, in order to show us he was fallible.

However, he then said that he thinks some people have perfect pitch without even realising it, and said he thought I did. To which I said I highly doubted it, but would be interested in finding out. However, as this class had stoked my hubris, I admitted that I suspect I have ‘perfect rhythm’, if there’s such a thing. This, of course, was not going to just pass, and the professor immediately had the percussionist clapping a beat for me to match. He then split the whole class into sections and had us clap different rhythms, while he played his violin over our beats.

However, I nearly lost my beat from how distracted I was by his violin. The playing was beautiful, but I couldn’t move my hand to (ie, integrate) it while clapping the beat. So after he signaled the end, I rapidly repeated my memory of his piece by hand-motion, while focusing intently on the violin in his hand. However, I could still see from my peripheral vision that he was watching what I was doing and was quite pleased/intrigued. I have no idea where the Music Fundamentals course is going to go, but I definitely expect it to be a radical journey of discovery.

After class, I walked with Ryan and a dancer named Louise. I commented to Louise when she offered to walk with me to the registration office that I was not accustomed to having people to walk with. We discussed the experience of music, the human facility for rhythm, and what goes into dance education. Tomorrow I’m planning to drop in on a class on dance and find out for myself.

But the important thing is that, on day one, I’ve already made some progress on my top college priority: Making friends. (Well, my top priority in returning to college is something like “Not reflexively shrinking back from the world for fear of damaging it”, but I believe making friends is the most important part of operationalising that.)

Those are the two classes I had today. Outside of classes, there was a lot of navigating the college, and navigating my own difficulties knowing how to approach the world. I continue to have no idea where to point my eyes as I walk. Worse, I continue to feel bad about that. I long to just look around how I like purely based on interest and without calculation. Alas, I don’t seem to be there yet, so I tried various crappy heuristics instead.

Out of class was far more stressful than in class, though of course every bit of that stress was in my head. Doesn’t mean I know how to make it go away, though. For now. My first day at my first college was similarly disorienting. However, within two weeks I was happily settled and had my clique, and by the end of the semester I was on top of the world. I’m hoping for that arc here too. Growth mindset!

#heroic growth arc #education #city college #to touch the world

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thejamaicanweeb · 4 years ago

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Mitosis - Soul Division Am I in trouble?

Hello Friends! Here is the prologue to this first part!

https://tinyurl.com/obey-me-mitosis-prologue

I’m planning to have the next part up by the 7th, God willing! I hope you enjoy!

January 6th 2020, Sunday

Strap in guys, we in for a wild ride.

I’m still shook. Like, legitimately shaken to my core. My world hasn’t just been turned upside down, oh no. They have tossed my life in a blender with the lid off and some asshole just let it rip. The only thing that’s grounding me (besides writing this down now, I guess) is the fact that the first thing my dumb, clumsy ass self did when I settled down properly into my new bedroom was bang my pinkie toe on the bed frame. So yep, definitely awake. I’ve probably known for a while, but that kinda clinched it.

So let me give a rundown of how I got where I am, like my whole situation. Imagine if you get an email from the Dean of your faculty. And she wants a meeting. Now if you were like a little goodie two shoes in prep/primary school, high school and (be honest with yourself, people) university, your heart just about sinks down to the core of the earth as you shift through everything from being late to classes to unpaid school fees, just anything that could cause this calamity. Well, I couldn’t think of anything so I go, fix up myself a likkle, get to the office without throwing up and knock.

“Come in,”

Just like the rest of the recently built facility, the Dean’s office had big rectangular glass panels as windows to make the most of the nearly year-round bright sunshine (i.e. death.) The sunlight was a stark, almost hilarious contrast to the arctic air conditioning. Then, on top of the A/C, she had a fan running! Like who even? What?? Thermoregulation, where art thou?

Dean Reid smiled at me from behind her desk; but when I saw my parents there too, my heart sank through the damn core and was now weightless. Funny enough, I felt like that now, like everything was all surreal and floaty.

“Ah, Sinai! Come in, come sit down. Don’t look so worried man, you’re not in trouble”

I have to hand it to her, one of the Dean’s best qualities that she always tries to put at ease, you know? It’s almost scary, like supernatural ... But I know my parents and they’re wound up. Which wound me up. Normally whatever makes them worry is a cause for me to worry too.

“Good Afternoon Dean Reid” The strange couch-like chair gave a bit when I sat so I sank about 2 inches, thankfully with no embarrassing squeaky sounds. The Dean surveyed me for a few seconds before she spoke.

“So Sinai, I will not prolong your anxiety any longer. I have called you to meet along with your parents to discuss an exciting opportunity to take part in an international exchange programme.”

The only sound was the gentle rustle of the papers on the desk being blown by the rotating fan.

“Exchange Programme?”

I must have looked absolutely baffled because Mummy spoke up at that point.

“Yes, Dean Reid was just expounding on a few of the key points. Apparently, this will be the first of its kind and will last for a year.”

A year? “Oh, ok” My leg began jittering up and down at that point.

“It would involve six students from 3 different regions, with two representatives from each.” the Dean smoothly continued with her explanation. “The curriculum is designed in a way which would ensure that one you return you can reintegrate with your current year group seamlessly. Regarding expenses... you would have none.”

“N-None?”

With a small smile, she slid a brochure into my hands. I didn’t even look at it.

“Yes Ms. James, none. Food, utilities, tuition, and general day-to-day expenses, will be taken care of. In addition to classes you are, of course, allowed to explore your host country-”

“With who?”

That was the first time Daddy had said anything since I came up here at least. All worse it was his dangerous voice. You know that kind, the kind that says “If you’re f-ing around right now you’re screwed”? That one.

“Every student who takes part will, of course, be assigned to very capable individuals whose role involves not only ensuring the safety of their exchange students but also to enrich their experience by being a cultural guide so to speak.”

I’ll be real with you guys. This was probably the point where I should have been “Hm, this sounds too good to be true. Where is the catch?”. It’s a good thing my parents are smarter than me, don’t it?

“Dean Reid, with all due respect. This seems like a wonderful opportunity but quite frankly, aside from your word, how can we vouch for the legitimacy of this venture? Especially with this being the inaugural year for this...this event?”

Daddy picked up right where Mummy had left off.

“I think we would also like to know how Sinai was chosen for this. I certainly don’t remember her applying to anything like this, and other students perform better academically.”

Gee, thanks Dad, Yuh mek it soun’ like I’m a wasteman. I side-eyed him and he side-eyed right back. [You’re making be out to be a delinquent]

“That may well be true Mr. James, this particular programme aims to have a more holistic approach. Of course, academic achievement was a big deciding factor…” she trailed off, squinted at her glasses, put them on her face and smiled once more.

“... but something that we find just as important as an individual's honesty, their loyalty. Integrity and the willingness to help others. We value those who are empathetic and those who mediate with words, and impartiality, not violence or anger. So, to answer your question in one statement, Sinai was chosen because we believe she embodies these characteristics, quietly yes, but consistently.”

I wished I could disappear; I had started to feel kinda uncomfortable. Something didn’t sit too right with me all the same. There were thousands, thousands of people in this place and I’m sure there mussi [must be] be a good amount who were better people than me. Or at the very least didn’t cuss as much (not that that really matters,). I wasn’t buying it. I let myself detach so I could really think about this insane turn of events.

How the hell would I leave for a year? A whole YEAR!?

You’d never get a chance to do this again. Do you really want to pass that up?

It should go to someone good enough who deserves it, not me.

Stop with that crap. C’mon, really think about this.

I’m thinking. I’m thinking about the fact I’m 23 going 24 and I haven’t slept over at a friend’s house before, and no, all-nighters in the library don’t count.

Where would I even go? 96, 97 percent of the population here at home is black, I can’t handle being a minority I’ve never had to deal with outright prejudice.

Ugh! You are being so so stupid! They wouldn’t just carry you to some random place and leave yuh jus’ suh. Sinai. For like two decades you’ve gone and followed every rule to the book, tried to please every person, tried to look after everyone but *you*. You’ve done nothing exciting or new. Never gone out to parties or drank or even dated. Like, shit girl, you’ve never ever even ditched class and one time the only person who had shown up was the lecturer.

But-

Think a whole year of tuition taken care of that will help when Matthew starts, won’t it?

That’s what did me in folks. Matthew is my (not so) baby brother. I love him so so much and I always try to take care of him but things normally get messed up, and he’s the one who helps me instead.

You can look after him.. Right here, right now. All you have to do is say-

Fine! God, for fuck’s sake “I’ll go!”

Now it took yours truly a hot minute to realise that I practically shouted that last part to the heavens.

Dean Reid raised her eyebrows while Mummy and Daddy looked straight up dumbfounded. Heck, I was dumbfounded.

“Well, Ms James, I didn’t expect an answer during this meeting, but you seem quite enthusiastic,”

I felt my face burn as I let myself slouch into the chair.

“While it is time-sensitive, (They’d need an answer within 3 days and I would leave four days after that) I still encourage you to discuss this before you make an ultimate decision.”

As we had left, I did something that I hadn’t done in a long time. I took each of my parents’ hands and walked all the way out of the building, right in between them. We’d be up for a long, long time that night.

( •_•)>⌐■-■ STAGE CHANGE (⌐■_■)

The sky was still dotted with stars, the indigo just starting to lighten as the dawn approached. Only a few cars were on the road, one of which was a red SUV making its way along the Palisadoes Road. The man driving had one hand in a tight knuckled grip on the steering wheel, the other in a fist clenched on his thigh. His jaw was set and his eyes were dull as he focused on the road without really seeing anything around him. His wife’s face was flushed and crumpled with a continuous stream of tears. The occasional hiccough interrupted her weeping. In the back seat, a young man stared out of the window, stony-faced. One of his broad hands held his sister’s smaller one as she gazed out her own window. She tried her best to hide her gears and take in as much of her home as she could before she departed.

Sinai was fighting sleep, and it was winning. Her tears gradually subsided. Matthew glanced at her when he felt her grip on him loosen. After a casual glance at the rearview window to ensure there were no witnesses, he slowly shifted her head onto his shoulder, snickering slightly at the spot her hair products had left behind on the window. He sat stiffly before allowing himself to rest his chin on top of her head. As he yawned, a vague memory came to him of a similar situation, back when she was still taller. Then he was adrift in sleep as well.

╯︿╰ STAGE CHANGE ╯︿╰

The soft gentle breeze caressed her face. She groaned and batted at it; she wasn’t ready to wake up yet. Bit by bit the warm heat of the sun and the itchy, somewhat soft grass underneath her clued her in to the fact that she wasn’t in a car or plane. She opened her eyes, only to be dazzled by the sun. When she could finally orient herself, she stood up, wide-eyed. The sun was just starting its descent in an azure sky that was streaked with rose and grey and gold, and she was on a grassy knoll. She moved to push her glasses up her nose, only to find she wasn’t wearing them. Vaguely aware of the fact she shouldn’t be able to see clearly, she looked down at the rest of herself. She was in a delicate knee-length white dress that felt weightless. Nothing was familiar except for the inexplicable piano music playing a tune she had heard before but couldn’t place. She blinked and she was no longer alone. Seven figures were around her, some sitting, some standing.

These men were complete strangers.

She had known these men all her life.

They all wore peaceful smiles, talking and laughing and ribbing each other. She sat back down and almost immediately, two of them sat on either side of her. The shorter of the two promptly laid his head in her lap and drifted off to sleep. She exchanged a glance with the taller one and they laughed. A few minutes later, they made a game of trying to see how many dandelions they could put on the sleeper’s hair and face before he awoke.

She sensed someone standing behind her and looked up to see the eldest of the men standing above her, a soft smile on his face that only she and the other two were capable of bringing out of him. She beamed back up at him. The light graze of fingertips on her cheek bought her attention back down to the one resting on her lap. He was now awake, blinking up at her. He was halfway through a sentence, his lips forming words she couldn’t hear before he stopped, his brow furrowed. He pulled his fingertips away and they were wet. Her own hands flew up to her eyes. Why was she crying?

The pastel hues of the sky shifted dramatically to a scarlet moon and darkness. The grass died, withered and turned to dust which blew into her eyes, blinding her. She cried out, kneading at them with her knuckles. When she opened her eyes she froze, the whites of her eyes fully visible. She felt as though two anchors were chained to her ankles, preventing her from running from the horrific battle taking place in front of her. Normally beautiful celestial faces twisted with pain and rage and fear. Shrieks and screams contrasted with the music, which was still going on. It was mockingly calm while the world was falling apart around her. The cloying iron scent of blood made her vomit. It was everywhere. It turned the dust under her feet to mud, making her feel like she was sinking further and further, becoming so immobilized that even when a figure flew at her yielding a burning scimitar she didn’t move. Someone grabbed her under her arms and yanked her out of harm’s way. The eldest immediately engaged her attacker, bellowing at her to run. She somehow found herself behind the pair that sat beside her. They were matching their assailants blow for blow but with their backs turned, neither of them saw the pair of archers taking aim.

“No. No, no no…” she whispered. She felt as though she was a passenger in her own body as she took off running, ignoring the surprised yells. The archers changed their trajectory. Her stomach felt hollow as she noticed a third one taking aim at the shorter man.

Two names she had never heard before left her lips; a desperate warning.

She let out a sigh of relief as the other orange-haired young man managed to pull the other out of the way moments before the arrow would have buried itself right between the shoulder blades. A heartbeat later white-hot pain laced across her face, followed by another cruel, cold shaft of metal that buried itself between her ribs. There wasn’t even time to scream.

Flesh was burning and her skull was cracking along the sutures and muscles were ripped from bones. It was agony beyond which any soul could withstand, and all the while she just kept falling. The entire time the piano kept playing.

(￣﹃￣) STAGE CHANGE(￣﹃￣)

Hundreds and hundreds of miles away in a different country. A young woman bolted upright in her bed with a gasp. She trembled as her wide eyes darted around her darkened dorm room; the moonlight highlighting her unshed tears. The delicate silver chain with a cross inlaid with minuscule blue gemstones felt icy against her skin. She laid a hand on her chest, willing her heartbeat to slow down.

She fumbled in the dark for her phone on the bedside table, nearly knocking her glasses to the floor. It was just after 4 am and the last WhatsApp conversation she had was still open.

“That’s right, she’s leaving today,” she mumbled. She set the phone back down, laid on her back and stared up at the ceiling. The last thing she wanted was for Sinai to worry about her; not when she had something this major to deal with. It could wait until later.

Thank you so much for reading! As you can see, Sinai has a habit of mixing in creole with her English dialect. If this is annoying or confusing then please let me know oki? I had planned for the perspective to shift from the first person (through her journal entries) and the third person (which can be anyone else). Again, my writing skills are pretty rusty so if this is a bit confusing, it's oki to say so! I won’t bite!

The Prologue

https://tinyurl.com/obey-me-mitosis-prologue

The next part

https://tmblr.co/ZvTssUYw9xgNmW00

The piano song that I had in mind (if you want to check it out)

https://tinyurl.com/bluestone-congfei

If you want to read on Ao3

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26415919/chapters/64353631#workskin

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epacer · 5 years ago

Text

Useful Info for Student to Know

‘Adulting’ is hard. UC Berkeley has a class for that

Conner Wright is carrying a demanding course load in his final year as an English major at UC Berkeley: antebellum American literature, introduction to music therapy and a research seminar on William Shakespeare.

The 20-year-old senior is immersed in the works of Henry David Thoreau, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Herman Melville and Harriet Jacobs.

But Wright, who is anticipating his graduation in May, has the self-awareness to know he needed a little something extra to prepare for his launch into a post-college world, that a superior ability to interpret classic literary works may not be enough.

So he signed up for a class on “adulting,” where he is learning to create and stick to a personal budget, build a resume and apply for jobs and navigate romantic relationships in a time when online interactions are eclipsing face-to-face encounters.

“I need to learn how to get this adult thing down and manage life,” Wright said.

The class, which has 30 students enrolled in each section, is led by two Berkeley undergrads who plan discussion topics and schedule guest speakers to fill 90 minutes each week. The “adults in training” are among thousands of people across the country who have signed up for courses that focus on things such as cooking or budgeting or time management.

Adulting classes for college students and postgrads have swelled in popularity in recent years, in part because many high schools have largely abandoned “life skills” courses such as home economics, which were created to help students navigate the path to adulthood.

That trend, combined with armies of hovering parents who emphasize academic achievement to the exclusion of almost everything else, has resulted in university classrooms filled with students who scored a 5 on their AP Physics test, but struggle to plan for a week’s worth of groceries and meals.

In Portland, Maine, the Adulting School offers in-person classes on “soft” skills, such as interviewing, conflict resolution and making friends, along with topics such as personal finance and basic home maintenance.

Principal Rachel Flehinger said her students, who are typically in their 20s and 30s, have experienced their share of disdain over their so-called entitlement and laziness.

“We’ve had clients who are millennials having major anxiety that they didn’t have these skills and didn’t feel successful as an adult,” she said. “There’s a lot of self-loathing that happens.”

Similar classes or in-person workshops have popped up at libraries and universities across the country, in private groups on social media and even on blogs tailored to college students. Some high schools have scheduled seminars on life skills as a way to prepare their students for life after graduation.

Sometimes students come up with their own solutions.

Neither Belle Lau of Washington nor Jenny Zhou of Arizona felt fully prepared for life away from home when they arrived at Berkeley two years ago. When Lau moved out of the dorms and into her own apartment during her sophomore year, her lack of self-reliance at the time became apparent. She was working, attending classes and, for the first time, had to plan her own meals, put money aside and cover her expenses. She quickly realized that she was spending too much money eating out all the time.

Lau and Zhou noticed that many of their peers were having similar struggles.

“We’re thrown out into this world and have little idea about what the heck we’re supposed to do,” said Lau, 21. “I think in general we all feel a little bit lost and don’t know where to start.”

To remedy that, Lau and Zhou, 20, decided to create their own class.

When it was first offered last spring, every one of the 30 spots was filled. Seventy students had to be turned away.

Lau and Zhou added a second session this semester. More than 200 students filled out applications explaining why they wanted to take the 12-week course. The women accepted fewer than half who applied.

Adulting is one of dozens of student-run courses in the university’s DeCal (Democratic Education at Cal) program, in which students create and facilitate their own classes on topics that include those practical and fun and often aren’t addressed in traditional curriculum. The project is rooted in the ideals of Berkeley’s free speech movement, launched in the 1960s when students pressed for and won greater academic rights.

There’s a class on criminal psychology, which “aims to analyze the minds of criminals, particularly of those who commit heinous crimes,” in an effort to understand factors that influenced their behaviors and led them to commit violent offenses. Students enrolled in “Intro to Baking” learn to make bread, cakes, pastries and other confections “without setting you or your roommates on fire,” according to the course catalog.

Another course takes participants on a journey to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry through discussions of Harry Potter novels.

The courses in DeCal count for one or two credits and are offered as pass/no pass; as a result, students say they are unlikely to add to their stress levels.

“College is a time of so many transitions — the losing of certain reference points — and it’s relatively sudden,” said Nancy Liu, an assistant clinical professor of psychology at UC Berkeley and the faculty sponsor for the adulting class this semester. “You’re on your own for the first time, you’re navigating a large system with limited support, you’re taken out of past comforts and starting anew, you have new tasks that you’ve never had to deal with before.

“Add to that the stress of a high-pressure academic environment, it makes sense that many would feel overwhelmed,” she said.

“College also sets the tone for much of what comes afterward: fostering those daily habits and routines; balancing work, school and life; remembering to file your taxes and keeping a budget; learning how to navigate interpersonal challenges with less scaffolding or support from experienced others. It seems crucial to address it head-on in a way that was valuable to students,” Liu said.

When Lau and Zhou decided to create a class, they initially envisioned a course in cooking, a passion they share. That idea morphed into life hacks and, later, adulting.

When the two began brainstorming a syllabus, daily tasks such as laundry, sewing and car maintenance didn’t make the cut. Instead, they focused on topics that are more abstract: time management, budgeting, fitness and nutrition, and relationships.

Each 90-minute session features a presentation from Zhou and Lau, juniors majoring in molecular and cell biology and integrative biology, respectively, and an outside expert who visits the class in person or via video chat. Last year, a recruiter from Lyft prepped students about job searches and a former accountant discussed filing taxes.

Those accepted into the classes, mostly seniors, have lamented that many of the things they were learning weren’t taught by their parents.

Lau’s mother, Allie Wu, says that parents “don’t trust their kids enough to do things on their own,” adding that “when they’re at home their parents pretty much take care of everything for them.”

Wu says she has always been very independent, a trait that was a necessity when she arrived in the United States from Taiwan as a 22-year-old to pursue her MBA. Wu hoped her daughter would leave home with the same sense of self-sufficiency. But when Lau confessed to her mother that she struggled a bit her first year at Berkeley, Wu said she began to worry.

Those concerns dissipated when Lau told her about the adulting class she wanted to start with a friend.

Wu, who visited the class last year to talk about taxes, said the course is “wonderful” and “unique.”

“I know she’s in a good place now. I’m very proud of her,” Wu said. “She knows what she wants and what she needs to accomplish her goals.”

During the first week of “adulting” at Berkeley this semester, students were asked to come up with goals that were “SMART”— specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and time-based.

To kick it off, Zhou asked whether anyone had ever set a goal they didn’t accomplish.

A few hands shot up. Several people shifted uncomfortably in their chairs. A handful looked around the room.

In less than a minute, everyone’s hand was in the air.

After a brief lecture, Lau and Zhou split the class into groups of six, each assigned to discuss their goals for the semester. Precision was rewarded; vagueness had to be remedied.

Students shuffled their desks into haphazard circles in the classroom and made quick introductions. They bantered about the dread of 8 a.m. classes and late-night studying marathons that would compound that trepidation as the semester dragged on.

Then things got uncomfortable.

Some of the students spoke in hushed tones as they shared the goals they had written on sheets of paper in front of them and, along with those, their insecurities that they might not be doing this whole grown-up thing quite right.

Wright spoke up first. His goal was to build more healthful habits with diet and exercise before graduation. The group nodded in agreement.

Several students said better time management would make a huge difference in their lives. One woman, a junior, said planning and establishing a routine might keep her from staying up all night cramming for exams.

Another piped up, saying she’d like to get more done during the day by limiting how much time she spends on her phone — a common distraction.

Kate Curtis, a 21-year-old senior who showed up 10 minutes late to the class with a look of embarrassment and a quick apology, said she’s long struggled with punctuality. She’s been late so many times to her job at a fast-food restaurant that her manager recently pulled her into a meeting to discuss it. She was humiliated and ashamed.

“I want to learn to be dependable. I want other people to be able to count on me,” she said.

Curtis, who transferred to Berkeley from a community college in Orange County, said she lived at home for the first two years of college and feels she was coddled longer than her peers.

“I’m eight hours away from home now, so I’m actually on my own. I have to find my own doctor if I’m sick. I’ve just signed up for my first loan, and I’m not really understanding what I’m getting into,” she said.

Lau acknowledged that she and Zhou don’t have all the answers, but she’s quick to note that parents shouldn’t be faulted for their children’s lack of real-world knowledge.

“Maybe it is our parents who aren’t teaching us these things we thought we should already know, but we don’t want to blame our parents for us being naive or ignorant,” she said. “It’s our responsibility as college students to know that if we’re struggling in some aspect, there are resources out there for us.” *Reposted article from the UT by Hannah Fry of December 10, 2019

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macgyvermedical · 7 years ago

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Would it be possible to give a list or explanation on the college classes you took for your bs in nursing? I have a character that wants to be a nurse, but I have very limited info on what he would be taking/studying. Thanks for your help.

In many majors, you have a set of major-specific classes, maybe one or two per semester for underclassmen and 3-4 as upperclassmen. Outside of these, there’s generally ample time to pursue classes of interest outside of the specific major, maybe get a minor or two without too much difficulty fitting everything in. There’s some choice, and some wiggle room in case you don’t quite get the grade you were expecting the first time taking a class.

Nursing school is not like that.

While things are different school-to-school and program to program, having graduated from one of the tougher ones, here’s how it went for me:

At my school, the BSN was designed as a four-year program. Each semester you went to your advisor and she told you what classes you would be taking and in what order. If you wanted a minor, you basically had to either go over the credit cap your entire college career (which I did for a minor in Public Health) or stick around another semester or year. Note that “core” classes mentioned below are graduation requirements and there’s not a lot of choice in which ones you take either.

But anyway…

The first year was designated “pre-nursing.” Basically, you had two semesters to compete with 500-700 other candidates for 120 spots in the actual program.

Semester 1 was Biological Structure and Function, Chemistry, Algebra, Psychology, and “Intro to Professional Nursing” which was basically the history and traditions associated with the nursing profession. Intro was also a bit of a scare tactic. We learned techniques for performing with little sleep, dealing with stress, studying way more than the human brain was designed for, and were warned of the toxic realities of hospital life- violence against healthcare workers, the concept of older nurses “eating their young” and the fact that C.Diff was a way of life and that we would be shoveling a lot of it in the coming years. If that didn’t get to you, Structure and Function was also the academic “weed-out” class. If you weren’t up to what was coming, this class would quickly show you where you stood.

Semester 2 was Microbiology, Organic Chemistry, Sociology, and two Core classes (for most people something like college writing, history, or literature).

At the end of Semester 2, you were ranked against everyone who was still in the running, and the top 120 by GPA alone would go on to sophomore year. Usually the GPA requirement was about 3.8 and higher.

If you got there, Semester 3 was where the actual nursing fun got started.

Semester 3 included Human Physiology, Interpersonal and Communication Skills for Healthcare Professionals, Human Growth and Development, another Core class, and the first real practical nursing class: Foundations of Assessment. Foundations of Assessment was where the fun began. You’ve all seen pictures of happy nursing students practicing looking into each other’s ears? That’s this class. Its where we learn to find what’s wrong with people, how to listen to heart and lung sounds, take vitals, how to do focused assessments on specific body systems and what findings meant, and how to communicate those findings to the healthcare team.

Semester 4 featured Human Genetics, Basic Pharmacology, Nutrition, another Core, and Foundations of Nursing Interventions. Interventions was where we learned how to do blood draws, use equipment, and other necessary practical parts of nursing. It was also the first class with a clinical component. Once a week for about 8 hours we’d go to a hospital with a group of 5 or 6 other students, each get a patient, and be told to take care of them. In this clinical we’d focus on patient care- hygiene, comfort, assessment skills, maybe a blood draw, foley, or IV here and there as the need arose. We weren’t on our own- the patient always had their real nurse, but sometimes we’d do (painstakingly detailed- like “looking up a patient’s liver enzymes before giving tylenol” painstaking) med passes and other care.

It was also a psychological weed-out class.

Nursing school has this way of convincing you that there are lots of other people who want your spot in the program, and that if you don’t want it a million times more, you’ll never make it. My instructor took each one of us aside independently after we’d made mistakes and told us we’d kill someone if we stayed in nursing, and that we should go home that day and see our advisors about changing our major. Going back to clinical after that day was one of the hardest things I’d ever done. And I’ve literally changed my gender.

Clinical classes were set up pretty similarly to each other- you had a 3-4 hour lecture once or twice per week, went to clinical in that class’s specialty once or twice per week, and at some point during clinical you’d pick an interesting patient and write a 15-50 page paper on them depending on how nice your clinical instructor was. That paper, no matter how long, counted for maybe 15% of your grade, but if you didn’t turn it, or literally any other part of the class in, you’d get a 0% for the class. You had 3 major tests, and if you didn’t average 73% (which, you’re laughing, but these were “NCLEX Style” tests where you’re basically trying to find the best correct answer out of 3-4 correct answers. Getting above 90% was bragging rights.), none of your other papers, homework, or simulation grades counted. If you got a 72.9% you had to re-take the course and if you got a 72.9% in another class you failed out of the program. You’d also be taking and re-taking standardized (ATI) tests on your own time to get a high enough grade in those to pass the course.

From here on, Clinical classes were broken down by populations:

Semester 5 was Nursing of Adults (with 12hr/wk clinical), Nursing of Geriatric Patients (with 12hr/wk clinical), and 2 Cores. This is the first time the semester was split down the middle and all clinical classes became 7-week classes (note the above paragraph, but now in 7 weeks instead of 15).

Semester 6 was Nursing of Parents and Newborns (12hr), Nursing of Children (12hr), Nursing Informatics (how to use EPIC 101), Biostats (I sh*t you not this was the hardest class I ever took. The final was 7 questions and took 11 hours), and an elective (unless you had a minor).

Semester 7 was Community Health Nursing (8hr), Psychiatric Nursing (8hr), Nursing Research, and another 2 electives (unless you had a minor).

Semester 8 was Professional Nursing Development (with 180 hour practicum), Nursing of the critically ill (12 hr), Integration of nursing leadership and management, and two more electives.

That’s pretty much it. If anyone else had a different experience, feel free to share!

[Patreon] [Fiverr]

#nursing #nursing school #writing reference #whump reference #not to scare you but #it kinda sucked #but I was also working the whole time and transitioning too so #yea

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mosmindmanifested · 5 years ago

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LSD: An Odyessy of Possible Realities

"You are your own worst enemy".

What does that cliche even mean? Are there two "mes'", engaged in an intimate duel for dominion over my mind and body? Probably not.

"You just need to get out of your own way."

Now that one perplexes me even more. The obstacle that I need to overcome is myself. But what aspect of mySelf? Clearly, we aren't meant to take these cliches literally, or they would just be the common word salad we'd expect from a schizophrenic. These cliches seem to be hinting at an underlying theme. Self-sabotage.

How many times have you got yourself so excited about pursuing a specific endeavor? You may have actively imagined yourself enjoying the fruits of this endeavor, indulging in the thoughts and feelings associated with achieving this goal. Now the time to start this endeavor arrives. You begin by feverishly committing to this vision. You take the first few necessary steps to make your dreams a reality.

As time progresses, your romantic feelings towards this goal pass the honeymoon stage, and what once was a complete immersion fades into a mild focus.

Before you know it, you stop pursuing this endeavor.

Where was the spark you had to begin with? You brainstorm all the reasons why you couldn't find the motivation to continue. You tell yourself the same old story. I'm just not the type of person who does that type of thing... Not everyone would be: x,y,z.. It wasn't meant to be... Whether you're aware of it or not, you were doomed to begin with. Intoxicated by the sweet imaginings of future success, your burning desire acted as a catalyst to fuel the first few miles of the trip. Desire without faith is useless though. Deep down in the recesses of your being, a part of you was not congruent with the task at hand. A part of you believed itself to be unworthy of the success it desired. A part of you feared the challenges associated with the work and the consequences of potential failure. A part of you believed the criticisms your peers expressed when you spoke to them of your plans. A part of you desperately grasped onto the status quo, afraid of venturing into the unknown.

(Doubt is the devil.)

Your core beliefs expressed unconsciously and developed early in life, dominate your will. Whether positive or negative, these beliefs determine the course of your actions and chances at success. Analogous to computer programming, we are all running the SCRIPT of our fundamental beliefs. We are all stars of a Self-fulfilling prophecy. So how do we go about regaining control over our destiny? How do we leverage the forces of heaven and earth to our aid?

In comes LSD.

The transcendental super drug that fueled the counter-culture of the 1960's. The subject of the ever notorious MK-Ultra trials at McGill university. (Long story short, they were trying to develop a mind-controlling substance and were testing the efficacy of LSD6 to do the job.) The nootropic mind fuel for silicon valley tech-experts. LSD seems to be powerfully intertwined with higher mental functions and creativity.

This is not an academic post. I will not be discussing the scientifically proven benefits or downsides of consuming the substances. Instead, I will be sharing my personal experiences with the substance, and the dramatic transformations it had facilitated for me.

September 2016

I am starting my second year of university. I have barely any credits from the previous year and am dreading the two-hour commute to and from school. I feel as though I have no autonomy in my life. If I don't graduate from school, I will be a failure in life. I have to find a way to pay all this debt I'm placing myself in I am so much behind my peers; will I be able to graduate in four years? What will I do after my bachelor's degree? Ever and their mom has a degree in psychology; how will I get a job? Should I tell my parents I failed two classes last semester?

My mind was in a chaotic and paralytic nightmare.

Every day seemed like a hassle. Every moment was another drowned in future anxieties and worry. I was desperate for a change and turned to drugs. I had been experimenting with marijuana for a while but found it served as a spiritual anesthetic more than anything. I was looking for something more profound, something that would have an impactful and transformative effect on who I was with a person. Having experimented with magic mushrooms once before, and being deeply moved by the permanent effect it had on my worldview, I felt as though using LSD was the next logical step.

I found a supplier through a mutual friend; he testified to the potency of the drug, warning me of the potential dangers and elucidating the type of experience I was heading towards. The day after my first lecture of the year, I meet with the supplier.

I drop the acid on the 2-hour train ride home. An hour in and my visual perception becomes skewed. The walls of the train become amorphous. The chatter of those on the train merges into a static hum, hardly being able to pay attention to any dialogue long enough to decipher any meaning. Colors take on a higher level of saturation. Everything is brighter. A light layer of perspiration covers my body. It is the tail end of summer and the sun is blazing. I hop off the train and rush onto the bus, praying not to bump into anyone I know in my vulnerable state. Low and behold, I bump into a distant friend. We get into the standard dialogue that people who see each other unexpectedly after being loosely acquainted get into. Work. School. News. I mild nausea kicks in. The longer I stare at this mans face, the more cartoonish it appears. I abruptly hop off the bus and run into a local library. I lock myself in a public washroom stall and force myself to take a shit. Nothing is coming out. I step out the stall. I shouldn't have looked in the mirror. I can barely recognize myself. I look like a wild animal; alien. I jump back on the bus and head home. I rush into my parent's bedroom and console myself with my guitar. I feel as though I am sinking into my bed. The mild perspiration becomes a thick layer of sweat. The acid is not agreeing with the iced coffee I had hours prior. I rush to the washroom and force myself to vomit. My brother recognizes something is off. I psychically sense his concern. There is nothing left to do but confess. He directs me to his room where I spend the next few hours. Better his disapproving embrace than the wrath of my mother, I would not be able to handle that right now. He brings me his laptop and suggests I surf the web. I play Richard Linklater's "Waking Life". I am moved by the themes of the movie. Is my whole waking reality a manifestation of my dreaming reality?

The uncomfortable feelings fade and replaced with awe for everything around me as if I was seeing it all for the first time. I go outside and play basketball with the local high school kids. I am in ecstasy. I take my bike and go for a bike ride. The sky is so beautiful. Torrential rainfall and I'm far from home now. For the first time, I was not bothered by the rain. I embraced every drop. I get home soon enough and dreamed about the rest of my life. I was to become a world-traveling anthropologist, discovering new cultures and integrating them in the west. For the first time in a long time, I was not worried about anything. Everything was perfect.

I could've died a peaceful death at that moment.

In fact, I feel like a part of me died that day.

June 2019

I embark on an experiment. I buy 10 tabs of acid and decide to take small amounts every day, progressively taking larger doses as time progresses. At this point in time, I am working at an independent coffee shop. The only thing on my mind is saving up enough money to move out of my parent's house for good, and living on my own. Each day brings new insights. Week 1 I find myself stripping more and more activities and engagements from my life. I spend my off time meditating and reading books on personal success. I talk less and listen more. I'm making more tips at work and am a lot more diligent when it comes to the minutiae of the job. My workouts are amazing. I am hitting personal bests on the squat and deadlift.

Week 2

All my time spent not working is dedicated to spiritual work (meditation, prayer, active imagination), exercise and time with family. Old ideas are resurfacing and, for the first time, I am taking action towards realizing them.

Week 3

The course of my life has completely changed. I have reached a state of unconditional love. I am one with everything and everyone around me. My personal engagements are becoming more rich and authentic. I am no longer afraid to be vulnerable. I forgive those that have done me wrong in the past and make it a mandatory endeavor that I expose myself to the situations that make me feel the most insecure and afraid. In meditation, I cry tears of joy. I am complete as I am. I love everyone. I am completely transformed inside out, and opportunities and insights begin happening in real-time. My business idea seems so tangible as if they already exist in a parallel reality. Everything is perfect. I am at peace. A month has passed and the feelings I have cultivated during the three week period are alive and active. I no longer feel angry, or wronged. Every day is filled with gratitude. I make it a habit of mine to be creative daily. Cataloging my ideas and actively pursuing the ones I deem most appropriate for the moment.

LSD is a powerful tool.

It allowed me to access the deepest layers of my being and reorganize my belief system. Exposing myself to positive material during the experience was integral to rearranging my psyche. I have undergone a profound self-hypnotic restructuring, and can never see reality the same again.

The hippies might be on to something.

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airoasis · 5 years ago

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The Future of College

New Post has been published on https://hititem.kr/the-future-of-college-2/

The Future of College

The model of bigger education that weve inherited is you go to institution, you get your diploma, you go through commencement, achieved. We dont live in that world anymore. So now lets talk in regards to the two R that had been in that equation So R subscript E is the required return to fairness holders. And we are going to follow a mannequin that is famous in finance referred to as the capital asset pricing mannequin. This instructor is creating a digital finding out expertise with the help of a group at Georgia Tech tuition. Once its integrated into a course, her lecture will be watchable at any place her scholars can get on-line.Its a part of a development thats spurred a fair amount of hype. Would this be a revolution for online education? I ought to surprise if physical lecture rooms would become an extra casualty of the web age. Its hard to imagine a future for school that isnt touched come what may by using the continued digital revolution. However the greatly-hyped publications which might be colossal, open and online, so-known as MOOCs that emphasize passively observing video lectures, they turn out to have a disappointing track document. It’s a priviledge for me to be your calculus professor this time period, and i am comfortable that you have chosen this path. One be taught of a million users discovered simplest 4 percent of scholars ever accomplished their course. Which is why some educators say reinventing tuition isnt as simple as posting a video online and observing the whole world learn. It is a misnomer to consider that on-line schooling is much less work. It’s much more work palms on with the scholars, but the work’s dispensed in a method that’s continuously making the path higher as opposed to continually making the direction run.At Georgia Tech, Joshua Donegal is taking a computer science classification and, whilst he rarely meets his professor in character, he sees him on the whole like this. I do not believe it is possible to slack off, you realize that there is a further human on the other side of the screen watching over you, checking you, making certain that you fully grasp the ideas. On the other facet of the country in San Francisco, a new school known as Minerva most effective offers lessons as online seminars. And at the same time every body here takes their courses remotely, academics track pupils as intently as if theyre in the equal room. Most likely more. Its a reside video atmosphere where as much as 20 scholars / professors can have interaction with one-another in real time. All the courses are synchronized. It is about actual time conversation.I think if you happen to got here to a Minerva class with a hangover, you possibly can remorse it via the top. Welcome to monetary Modelling. Each of those faculties bill themselves as being on larger educations leading edge, and both are going through an fiscal fact, which could surprise people who think technological disruption at all times method saving plenty of money. In case you do on-line right, it isn’t cheap. Economist David Feldman says digital science just isn’t prone to result in an international the place everyone skips university and will get an online measure free of charge. Getting a university measure shouldn’t be a monetary guarantee. Nothing is a fiscal assurance. However during the last 35 to forty years, getting a college degree has come to be an ever better wager. Which is why, despite mounting pupil debt, going to institution almost always is sensible, even for humans who borrow to pay for it. The info are very clear that the most promising way for anyone who starts out on the backside of the revenue distribution, who comes from a low earnings family to maneuver up, the first-rate manner to do that is to get a bachelors measure.I most likely consider that institution is extra essential than ever, interval, full stop. And i believe that we must be remaking schooling. Probably the most more pressing explanations for this alteration grows out of a brand new truth graduates will face as technological know-how transforms the panorama of employment. The arena is moving so speedy that you cannot go to tuition for four years and be prepared for 4 years. If your center of attention is on, "Let’s make this 18-yr-ancient particularly glad with going to soccer video games," you are now not going to remain in business very long.There are individuals that are changing jobs five or six occasions over the direction of their career. They are usually in industries the place disruptive exchange is taking place all the time. And so, they come back to universities and say, "can you help me with this?" And this has some scholars and universities rethinking the model of institution as a single stage of existence. So the historic mannequin for university used to be that folks would show up as 18-12 months-historical excessive institution graduates, spend 4 years with you, and then you may send them out and they might work for the following 40 or 50 years. And this basic mannequin of college is newer than you might suppose. Essentially the most usual clich I hear about education is that is hasnt transformed in 2000 years. Thats entirely no longer actual. Eventually of the 19th Century, both European and American schools realized the entire world had been industrialized. You had to have an additional function in society. You had to a further variety of schooling, and education went by means of tremendous transformations. A number of the things we take without any consideration in the USA university expertise like entrance tests, multiple alternative questions, grades, even the divisions amongst many educational disciplines had been adopted for the duration of one other time of fast technological trade, between the Eighties and 1920s.And we now equally ought to go via huge transformations for a global that isn’t an industrial world, however an interconnected, linked world. And that i constantly say if folks did this in 1890, we will trade larger education now. I feel had been on the tipping point, and have been about to see significant alterations in greater education from inside. And Georgia Tech is having a bet on this future with programs like a full-credit masters measure in pc science that students can take online, from at any place on the planet. The new mannequin is that individuals come back to you episodically over the course of their lifetimes. The online grasp’s application is a window into this future that we assume. School isnt for kids. I mean, Im 36 years historic now. I have three youngsters Ive been working professionally for a number of years. But I in finding it very priceless to come back back to the university atmosphere to help give a boost to my skillset.In any other case, I would be behind the eight ball. And its no longer simply mid-career experts who are feeling this pressure. Sarah Hernandez is a 24 year historic aerospace engineer who, shortly after graduating with a mechanical engineering measure from Rice tuition in 2016, landed what you could believe is the job of a lifetime. I am a study engineer on the NASA Ames research center here in Mountain View, California. And that implies I climb around wind tunnels, established experiments, run wind tunnels, take knowledge, after which analyze the info after the fact. We test something from simply 18 wheelers to full sized rockets. I might prefer to feel this form of makes me a rocket scientist… Given that I work on rockets. Yeah. However she wishes to compare her talents to a workplace thats fitting extra digital always. Thats why, a little greater than a yr out of university, shes going again taking Georgia Techs masters in pc science application from dwelling.There’s plenty of scary stuff available in the market in phrases of the place the arena’s heading. I feel numerous us are simply very antsy correct now. That is sort of how i am coping with it. The reality of the sector we’re in correct now could be that you ought to hold studying and maintain retooling yourself to be, priceless in our society, which is lamentably how our society capabilities. I think like I continuously have got to be accelerating. Which would propose that, for many of us, the way forward for school shall be extra of it. The assignment, for students, might be finding ways to pay for extra education exceptionally when theyre in between jobs. Some advocates are calling for faculties to rethink the trade model for schooling thats lifelong. Im involved and stimulated via a new trend of many universities to offer lifelong alumni advantages where that you could come back to your possess school and both for a lowered expense, or generally even free, take courses.Its excellent trade on colleges phase to try this, however its also a sense that we owe something to you for the relaxation of your existence. .

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batterymonster2021 · 5 years ago

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The Future of College

New Post has been published on https://hititem.kr/the-future-of-college-2/

The Future of College

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aleatoryalarmalligator · 7 years ago

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Part 21

There was a lot of death in 2001-2002. My uncle Rocky died of an overdose, Doris, my grandma's best friend died of old age, my half sister Roxanne's father died, and then after all of that, my estranged grandpa Roy died. He was my mother's father and he had been a cruel man. My mom spoke to him maybe once every fifteen years. She had nothing to say about him. I had only been around him once. Someone mistakenly invited him to my parent's wedding back in '91 and him and his friend got so drunk that they went into the closet and peed on my baby shoes. He had been physically and mentally abusive to my grandma and my uncles and aunts.

For the last three months that he was alive, my mom tried to take care of him – as she is a nurse who does home health. He was in the final stages of cancer, and I met him once before he died. He wanted to meet his grandchildren whom he hadn't really seen before he died. It remember the ride up to Kellogg, feeling very strange about meeting this man for the first time, who had a lot to do with my own mother's mental problems. He had been a miner for most of his life. After my grandma divorced him in the late 60's, he had married a few more times, and now he lived alone in a really nice cottage type house in the woods about fifteen miles from a very small little community – barely even a town really – called Kingston. He had never really beat my mom per say too much, but he had a general hatred for women and beat her mom a lot. I think this abuse honestly prevented my mom from growing. My mom in many respects has the maturity of a nine year old child at times. The trauma of her life prevented her from going past that.

It was late summer and I would be starting 8th grade in a week. We drove all the way up to north Idaho in the late summer. It was cooler up there and quite lovely. We listened to CCR all the way up. We drove onto this obscure road, that lead onto another obscure road that went congruent with this small river, and then we turned onto this long drive way that dipped down in the middle and had a field in front of it of long grass. It was really cute house. It had this big front porch with a gazebo. We timidly got out. My mom opened the door and we all entered. He was very sick. The house smelled of death. I had never really smelled that before then. There is a smell the body takes on when it is shutting down, and even if you've never smelled that, it's like your animal mind instinctively understands exactly what it is.

He stood up. He was shaky, and thin and tall. His face was sunken in. He struggled over to us. He had remorseful eyes that were filled with pain. Regardless if some might say that he deserved the lonely and painful death he was getting, I fucking hate cancer. He was in misery. He gave us all hugs. It was definitely one of the strangest hugs I have ever had. He was sunken in and the smell was as I have said, unmistakable. Later, eight of his surviving twelve brothers and sisters came to the house. They all had names that started with a G'. My grandpa Roy was the only one who didn't. I don't remember all their names, but some of them were Genever and Gwenevere (twins), Grady, Gladys, Gregory, Gretchen. My grandpa Roy had a huge family. They all lived in Utah, with the exception of Grady who had sided with my grandma Marie when she divorced Roy and stayed a family friend who lived in Smelterville a few miles away. My great grandma and grandfather had been a poor mountain-folk family from Tennessee. Their first names had been Queen Elizabeth and George Washington which was strange, but I hear was fairly common with Appalachian people. George Washington had killed himself during the depression by stepping into a moving vehicle after he could not provide enough food for his thirteen children and wife (my grandfather had been the youngest) and they were all living in a cave – as the story goes.

Three weeks later he died. He was buried in the same cemetery that my uncle Rocky had been buried. The funeral was very similar to the one my uncle had been in, but I think that they actually sent me back to Roy's place after the funeral to watch my siblings who were all five and six and would have no fun at a function for elderly like that. And because Roxanne had inherited that enormous sum of money from her own father's death, everyone decided to move into his house that year and eventually buy it. Despite all the partying, I loved that house. Roy had been pretty heavily invested in boozing, and he had actually built a bar room off the house. There was also this giant storage room filled with years' worth of preservable foods. He had a Jacuzzi for a bathtub, which was amazing. The walls were stained with years of tobacco, which I kind of liked for some reason. Behind the house was a giant hill, and I guess sometimes people saw a wolf pack out there. There was this strange area too that you would not have expected to be there out by the river. You would be driving, and about ten miles before you got to Roy's place, out of the blue there was this biker bar, with people pitching tents all over in the front of it. It was definitely a strange place, and one of my family members would come and pick us up every weekend. It was a great escape from my life in Kendrick, and even from my friends to a certain degree.

Also, right before school started, my dad broke up with Jodi for a few weeks. He came to me and apologized for taking things out on me. He really embellished on it, and made promises that he would do better. We went on a small trip in the woods, just us family. I believed him this one last time. And then two weeks later he went back with Jodi, and then turned against me, and I don't think I ever took anything he said one hundred percent at face value ever again. He's always done that. If he sides with one person, it's never just that. When he sides with someone it is intrinsic with him turning against another. It's the way his mind works I suppose.

I started trying to do stuff with my hair. I pulled some of it back. And of course I immediately began failing my classes. I listened to all the lectures, and I even understood my homework, but I never would do it. Our school gave out several hours of homework each day. It was doable if you spent several hours doing homework, and the unspoken rule in the school was that if you were popular enough you cheated your way through. Each morning, a few of the super smart kids who understood their lessons well would get paid a small fee to sit out in the hallway and give the answers to all the popular kids. So maybe about four or five kids were doing all their homework. The rest were doing small bits and then copying someone else. Samantha was one of these kids. If you were not popular or well liked you were not a part of this group. The teachers knew about this. It was all in the open. The principal did too. It was low key explained to us that cheating and fitting in were a part of life, so if you weren't popular enough to get the rights to be in these cheating circles, than you were failing in some other unspoken element of life that would mean you made a bad phony adult and deserved the bad grade for not conforming with the group mindset.

I didn't really believe in cheating. It's not that I am of great moral integrity by any means – I have done worse, but if something doesn't satisfy my personal sense of achievement, aesthetic, or personal growth I don't try very hard even if it is for my own good. I have to mean most of the things I do and feel that it makes sense emotionally and has to connect to my own sense of authenticity, and as an adult, I struggle against myself constantly to this day, to the point of internal dysfunction just to talk myself into doing mindless repetitive tasks that mean nothing to me. It's probably one of my greatest character flaws because it makes doing stuff that I need to do that much more difficult. But I never even tried to cheat. I just didn't do the work, and if I had wanted to pass I would have just done my own work to at least get the satisfaction of personal achievement. But since my classes meant nothing to me, it would not have been authentic of me to pretend or base my academics on a lie.

Kyle seemed different in 8th grade. He did his hair differently than he had a year ago. His voice began cracking. He seemed to be starved for attention from other popular kids. It was definitely going to be more of a challenge to get his attention, but the trend on following me around saying my name backwards Eener, putting kick me signs on my back, and buzzing which makes me flinch ( I have kind of this ASMR thing and some sounds cause a really uncomfortable jolt down my back) was also becoming very popular. Very quickly I found myself in a situation where not a day would go by where I didn't find something absurd in my locker that someone would put there. The football players would surround me and wouldn't let me go to class.. People were discovering that I am genuinely very easy to scare or surprise. The teasing wasn't really as harsh or cruel as many people do experience. For one, nobody ever called me fat or ugly. Cody Cooper would make rude comments about my acne, but he was generally alone in that. I am sure people said stuff when I wasn't around.

But to my face, I was getting this other kind of teasing that was like flirting but not. It is hard to explain. It was definitely not respectful or dignified. And I suppose I intentionally brought it on myself once it started to happen. Like, nobody was going to date me, that was obvious – I wasn't the kind of girl they wanted to get connected with socially, sleep with (at least I don't think) or be seen with, but it got to this point where boys in my class and in the class above me would spend a lot of their time focused on me and getting me to react, to shriek, jump, get upset, or walk into some kind of prank, and there was this slightly sexually charged aggression to it. There were many times where there would be ten guys who would surround me in the hallway and push me around a little bit, push me against the locker, and say strange things to me to see how I would react.

They stared at my chest a lot, but what they liked from me for the most part was their own power. It was kind of gross and a predecessor to rape culture though most of them probably would never do something like that directly, it had this volatile element to it – but as long as Kyle was a part of it – though he was always more on the playful side and less on the aggressive, I didn't flat out snap at anyone or tell them no and I subtly let it happen. I simply reacted the way they all wanted me to. I felt like some kind of plaything and there was an element of sexuality to it because this would not have happened had I not been a girl.

On one hand, I was the one in power and I liked being the center of attention even though it demeaned me. I was curious to see how far I could drive people to focus on me. I was getting more attention than any one girl in the class in some ways, but on the other hand, the boys were the ones who were in power and their girlfriends were given a sort of false respect because they were the prizes. The boys were defining me and reducing me somehow to a toy and felt physically comfortable in touching or controlling me on some level. Nobody ever frightened me, or really got too aggressive but looking back I think had there been the right sort of person in these groups it might have been a different story. And I guess this was my first introduction to these kinds of unspoken power things. They would surround me in the hallways, staring at my chest, they would be intentionally ready to spook me around every corner. I was frequently discussed. I grew to expect it. Girls would glare at me jealously, but also feel lucky they weren't me. I am that other kind of girl. And to them I was not a real person. It was a bit of a unique title for me, since the other girls who lacked in popularity were given mostly insults and direct attacks. What was in store for me was stranger. It was like they were putting me in this situation where they passed me around and all the guys had to have some part of getting me to react. It felt like I was being used or passed around the way they might pass around an easy girl in school whom everyone knew too well but nobody took seriously. And yet, it was a different kind of need they got from the situation – sexual, but not quite. I don't know if I can possibly explain it and I think that is where I will give up trying and leave it at that.

My mom had gotten this Chesapeake Bay retriever pup that we named Chester. And Roxanne had gotten this Pitbull named Tasha who had learned all these neat tricks. Someone had taught her to do everything in slow motion. If you said SLOW to her, she would eat in slow motion, walk in slow motion. It was the funniest thing. Tasha was a really cool dog, and the only problem she had was that she tried to kill cats. Since I had lost Pixie, my dad grew weirdly paranoid that my mom was going to 'win' me to live with her because of these dogs. He was afraid that somehow Roxanne's money would buy me away and then he would no longer have me as a babysitter. So he went out and got me a puppy at a shelter, to compete with the other dogs I guess. They told us that it was a German Shepherd and boxer mix, but everyone who saw this animal believed that she looked like a coyote. She acted like a coyote. I am actually 80% certain they lied about the German Shepherd in her. She almost looked full bred coyote aside from a slightly copper tone to her fur, and something about the way her legs were shaped. I named her Pepsi because of her color.

Of course, I was young and wanted a puppy, but my father buying me Pepsi was one of the worst kinds of dogs he could have started me off with. I wish he had gotten me a smaller more manageable pet. He expected that I would clean up after her and take care of her and train her. I had no experience in doing this. And I really did try. I felt very proud of her, and I took her with me on the weekends up to my mother's. But it was hard. For one thing, she was not as friendly even as a young pup. She behaved much more like a wild dog than she did a domesticated one. She liked being pet somewhat. But I could not control her. She was also obsessed with running away. And I could never catch her. She was loose in Kendrick so many times. I remember her running down the street once, with a semi on her heels and with a wild doggy grin on her face. It got to where the neighbors would complain when they saw her out.

She was difficult to potty train because I was in school for much of the time. There wasn't enough time or room to be had for her. She didn't care about approval like other dogs. And trying to leash train her became impossible. She would fight me with every bit of strength she had as soon as we began heading down the street, and often times she would break the leash or her collar and then she would bolt. She was full of energy, and was an incredibly sly dog. Very destructive. I loved her to death, but there was nothing I could do with her. I remember getting frustrated and crying trying to control her. I guess nobody fully realized that she was part coyote. And from what I have read, coyotes are very difficult pets, not even legal in many states. I think had I been a better animal trainer – like a trained professional, she could have been trained to be somewhat acceptable. But she needed to run. And she was the kind of dog that needed to have her respect earned in some mysterious way and I was far from someone who would be capable of that. You could see that on her face.

My friends and I by this time were very obsessed with boys, and in some ways perfectly typical of 8th grade girls to a degree that is somewhat painful. I had started this weird comic that was basically all centered around a future fifteen years from now, where Kyle and I were married and had children. My thinking was so naive and small at that time that I drew us living in this triangle house, and the comic mostly revolved around corny jokes you could make about us, and the way our children lived there lives. It was hilarious, and bad.

I tried to go to every football game even though to this day I know nothing about football or how it is played. When people ask me what my favorite football team is, I always just say The Penguins – and they always scoff and tell me that that is a Pittsburgh ice hockey team. There was something liberating about football games in the small town. It was the one social event where everyone seemed to be mixed for one. You were not as confined to your position in the school while you were there. Almost everyone seemed to show up. And there was some really strong social situations that were cemented while the games were going on. There was something in the air that was both liberating and apprehensive, like something was about to happen. I initially went because Kyle was on the football team, but truth be told, after awhile, even Kyle looked like just another strange body with enormous shoulders and tiny legs running around with the ball, and randomly stopping and reforming in ways that I don't understand because of my ignorance of the sport as a whole. We would go almost every night, even when it got cold. There was this contrast at night that always made me feel giddy and a stranger to myself and seemed to reflect an inner psychological divide between the conscious and organized and the wild Dionysian elements to my subconscious. Beyond the school, the world was enveloped in darkness of the woods, and you could hear the noises of coyotes and the creek running. Being outside for all of this put us all out in the elements. It would get very cold during the end of the season, and I could see my own breath. It was very tribal. Even though I was not partial to our school's team, I still felt that tribal quality.

I had kind of become the baby of my social circle and this used to upset me rather badly. For one, everyone I knew was fascinated with having sex with someone – or multiple people. They would have sex dreams, would think about their crushes without their shirts on and I imagine talk about it more when I wasn't around. And I just didn't want to have sex. I wanted to get to know someone in a very meaningful way and then see what happened. I wanted this terribly. The level in which I felt this desire to be loved didn't come from the same place as most of the girls I knew. It wasn't that I was closed off to those ideas altogether. It just wasn't happening. And to some degree, I might have been a little naive about certain elements of sexual desire. But my friends either thought I was lying to them because of embarrassment, or they thought I was still like a third or forth grader. Samantha, without even trying to sound mean told me people who didn't want to have sex were not capable of being in real love. During one sleepover, I got so upset that I pretended to be sick so I could go home.

That Halloween was the last year I ever properly participated in dressing up in a costume or trick or treat. It remember it being a lot of fun. We made terrible jokes that we all thought were very funny at the time – it seems we thought we were all terribly hilarious and our lame gags were simply the best. I generally never cussed, and my friends were giving me a hard time for this, so that Halloween I intentionally said Fuck. Everyone was shocked at me, but it seemed to go over well, and I was accepted as someone to be taken more seriously henceforth in the social fold. We were all witches – though Katie might have been something else, like a werewolf of some kind. When it was late and we had gone through the whole town, we went home and emptied our candy out on the floor of Sarah's house on the top of the hill. We all laughed and traded our candy. I was always partial to tootsy rolls.

Katie put up for me around this time in a very meaningful way, that I still remember fondly. Sarah-Mae had cut back on saying short negative things towards me over the last few years, but occasionally it still happened. She still said small things in conversation to keep me in check I think. Asking her today about why she said some of the things she did, and she really doesn't remember, other than she felt insecure sometimes. So I am left to assume this was an alpha female move to keep me from feeling too confident in myself or something. One night, Katie, Sarah and I were all sitting around Sarah's kitchen listening to the radio, talking about boys, eating ice cream, and drawing anime. I said something goofy – nothing insulting to anyone at all but a little silly, and Sarah for whatever reason retreated into her former self. She looked at me coldly and said 'Renee, Shut Up.' She said this in front of Katie. And the look on Katie's face was instantly ferocious with no apologies. She got right in Sarah's face. She told Sarah off immediately in a way I had never seen anyone do before. I think it started off with 'WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY TO RENEE?!?'

Sarah seemed shocked. She looked down at the table, her entire face was red and I don't remember her ever having anything to say in return. The room was pretty awkward. I just looked down too. I inherited this weird smile when I get nervous from my mom so if my memory is correct, I was probably smiling nervously. I had never had a friend who stood up for me before, and I think about that component to Katie and I really do appreciate that element to her personality and this one single instance gave me this strong sense that I was an equal after all who deserved to be treated with respect. I think we all eventually calmed down. Sarah never told me to shut up ever again. In fact, aside from maybe a few other times, I can't think of a time where she ever seemed to intentionally say anything mean to me.

There was this one situation where I think Katie and the rest of us really overreacted and I wish I could have had the wisdom to handle differently. This girl in our class who wasn't very bright named Megan seemed very confused about herself sexually. I am not sure what was going on in her life that made her do this, but it started in the girl's locker room before gym. Samantha was getting dressed, and Megan came up and grabbed her boob. Samantha told her to stop, and she wouldn't. She then started trying to grab Sarah, and she tried to grab my nipple when we were on the bleachers over the course of week. She had this mindless look on her face as she did this. We all told her to stop. We yelled at her to get away from us. We called her a lesbian. She seemed nervous but would do it again. I really really regret throwing that word out at her like it was some shameful way of being and if I were in that situation today I know I would have handled it a lot better. I had every right to feel violated, but I dealt with it shamefully. I might have gone over and talked to her and explained why what she was doing was inappropriate if it happened today. Obviously she was incredibly confused. I never really liked her as a person, but I called her a lesbian like she was gross, was really gross on my own part. We told the duty teacher, but it seemed to make the gym and duty teachers embarrassed, so nobody wanted to tell her no.

There was this popular girl named Erica who confronted us. She was kind of known for taking unpopular girls under her wing that made her feel more powerful. She had taken to befriending Megan for this reason. She never had any interest in befriending me since I was not really all that entranced by her and had enough dignity to understand what she was doing. Anyway, she came up to us and started saying that we should just take it and stop being mean to Megan. I basically told her 'no way' and Erica walked away pissed since she wasn't accustomed to being told no by girls of lower status than herself.

Katie eventually got tired of hearing about it, so she found Megan in the hallway between classes, grabbed her by her front collar, picked her up off the floor and slammed her against the lockers and told her that if she ever fucking touched one of us ever again she was going to fuck her up.' Megan cried and Katie let go of her, and that seemed to end it. That was above and beyond anything Erica would have felt safe getting involved in. Nobody wanted Katie to fuck them up. She meant it. I don't think there was any situation where Megan bothered me in any way after that. But honestly, even though it all got corrected, I still feel the ugly sounds of me calling Megan a lesbian coming out of my face. And I really wonder if we dealt with any of that the way it should have

Meanwhile, I was more obsessed with Kyle than ever. In a way, this is when the whole thing started veering more towards unhealthy. I was giving more and more up of my self worth just to be accepted. And days when he gave me attention were the only days worth living for. On a day when I was ignored, I would go crazy, like a junkie who needed a fix. I would stop being able to breath throughout the course of the day, hoping for a smile, some eye contact, a joke thrown my way, something. I would feel this lump in my throat growing until I was holding back tears. I would stumble home, and I would feel this self loathing hatred for everything about myself. I might scream and pull out my hair. I felt ugly. I would take my rage out on my little brother and sister, who might have been mildly disobedient but really didn't deserve it. They grew to live in fear of these extreme explosive mood swings I would have. I think they were beginning to really resent me, and I really don't blame them. Whenever anyone did anything slightly wrong, I never gave constructive criticism, If they made a mistake I used aggression and shame to put them down. It's something as I have said previously, that I wish I could go back in time and take back.

What really got to me was that Kyle and this popular sportsy girl named Kayla were really into each other. They sat together, walked together, flirted and chased each other around. Even their names sounded good together. And who the fuck was I? Someone Kyle would tease when nobody was around. I was good enough to be around when nobody was looking, but not good enough to be taken seriously or dated. I can look back, and I really do understand why I was probably not the lead lady in the situation. I was insecure, and selling your soul for attention is not endearing. It was only that I was kept as some kind of secret friend to Kyle, even when he finally did get popular. He still looked for me when he was alone with warmth, and still flirted with me. I was the other girl on the side that made him feel good about himself that he could act freely around. Surely by this time he must have been aware I liked him. It was incredibly obvious. So what he was doing was wrong. He liked that I was infatuated with him because it made him feel good about himself, so stringing me along was worth it for his own needs.

And even though I don't even think what I was feeling was what I would consider real love it was consuming my entire existence with obsession and making me suicidally depressed and sort of ruining my life. And it was the closest to love I had ever felt, before him I had never really wanted anything before. So this was everything to me. If I failed at winning his love, it was the equivalent of death. There was no other option I could imagine. And in the very back of my mind, there was this strange and frightening realization that felt like a tug dragging me into blackness that I had no words for that seemed to be emerging behind what I took for granted. Like another me that was wanting to take over, but more like this realization that behind what I really thought was my life that I lived unquestioningly was this deep sense of nothingness that nothing I thought I knew could contend with and something I would have to face alone. This strange abyss that seemed to be sucking me in always right outside the corners of my perception. I was fighting that change by clinging to the hopes that Kyle would eventually fall in love with me. If he fell in love with me, I could fight ever being fully immersed into being whoever it was that I was starting to become. I could live in a safe and loving environment, I could have children, live in a small town and grow old and content with the limited existence I had and an empty sense of certainty.

If you want to read my life story from the beginning, below are the previous parts i have written so far.

Also, here is a picture of about 25% of the town i lived in. Quite a boring place.

PART 20 - http://tinyurl.com/y8jskymt

PART 19 - http://tinyurl.com/rfhbms8

PART 18 - http://tinyurl.com/ycrznrwk

PART 17 - http://tinyurl.com/y77unlng

PART 16 - http://tinyurl.com/yadpsv8c

PART 15 - http://tinyurl.com/yb3lt6k5

PART 14 - http://tinyurl.com/yb4cfedq

PART 13 - http://tinyurl.com/yalanq9s

PART 12 - http://tinyurl.com/yc79mw94

PART 11 - http://tinyurl.com/yc9qhj84

PART 10 - http://tinyurl.com/yb734w24

PART 9 - http://tinyurl.com/yc2t6vfw

PART 8 - http://tinyurl.com/ybl37utq

PART 7 - http://tinyurl.com/ybvo283g

PART 6 - http://tinyurl.com/kbc9dwu

PART 5 - http://tinyurl.com/msnz4am

PART 4 - http://tinyurl.com/k9x8esg

PART 3 - http://tinyurl.com/mwp9atx

PART 2 - http://tinyurl.com/lbt6xq2

PART 1 - http://tinyurl.com/l8xbvg8

#text

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