#and we can't afford to miss work anymore than we already have

[unxpctedlygreat]

I'm so tired

[yelenasdiary]

Different Kind of Love | Drabble - Bottle of Wine

Pairing: CEO! MobBoss! Natasha Romanoff x Assistant! Reader (Platonic)

Summary: Working for Natasha was never easy and being a low-level assistant for the CEO wasn’t where you thought you’d be after working your hardest for 2 years. After catching you in tears on Christmas Eve, Natasha’s cold ways start to warm up.

Language Warning |Mentions of Sexual Assault | Mentions of Stalking | 0.9K | 

Notes: Little drabble between Reader and Nat over a bottle of wine. 

Different Kind of Love Masterlist

"Go on, ask away" Natasha smiled softly as she poured two glasses of white wine. "Oh, I was only joking about that" you replied when she handed you a glass before walking over to the outdoor sofa for a more comfortable setting, "Then I guess I'll ask you questions" Nat chuckled as she looked over at you, "what is it that you really want to do? Career wise" she asked. 

"I never really was set on anything growing up but then I had Dylan and I've read him so many picture story books that one day I just found myself doing little illustrations while he was napping" you smiled softly to yourself.

"So, you'd like to do illustrations for children's books?" 

"I'd like to be an author. I think it would be fun to write a children's book then something for young adults then hopefully move onto something for elderly people" you sipped your wine, the bitter taste making you pull a disgusted expression. "You don't like wine?" Nat smirked, "it's a little bitter, I don't usually drink…. not after Kane" you placed the glass on the table in front of you. Natasha lent forward with her glass in one hand and placing her free hand on your knee, "He won't take Dylan, I promise you I'm going to do everything I can to make sure he never sees a single hair on Dylan ever again" she assures you of your worries by looking deeply into your eyes. 

"He's not going to stop, he never has. I've moved from place to place just to feel safe, I don't want Dylan to grow up losing more and more every time Kane finds us. Dylan doesn't have a lot of friends his own age, I'm so scared to place him into pre-school but I know he needs it but you always hear stories of kids going missing because the teachers weren't completely aware of the family situations and I can't afford to place him into a private pre-school. I don't know what I'd do if Kane picked Dylan up one day" Your eyes filled with tears, Natasha's thumb rubbed gently over your knee. 

"Let me help more, I don't mind. We can put him into a private pre-school and blacklist Kane's name from stepping foot on the property" she offered

"Natasha, you have already done so much for us, and we are so thankful but we can't keep taking your money. You need it, especially if you live in a place like this" you smiled softly trying to politely turn her offer down. 

"Money means nothing and I have more than I'll ever need. I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't think you and Dylan were worth it. I know I'm a bitch sometimes at work and I might over work everybody but seeing you on Christmas Eve softened me a little and I'll be damned if you ever mention that to anybody" Nat chuckled lightly, "you have struggled enough and it's okay to ask for help" she adds. 

You couldn't help but look at the red head who only showed kindness and offered you the best she could but still, you shook your head. "Thank you for everything Natasha but we can't take any more of your money or time. Kane is my worry and if you represent me in court, I will pay you back, every cent" 

"You're not going to pay me; I don't want you too. What am I going to do with that money? You need it much more than I do. Will you please just let me help you, I can convince a judge to put Kane away for a few long time and finally give you something you've been searching for, safety. You and Dylan would never have to move again, you won't ever have to worry about Kane ever again" 

"How? There's no evidence anymore, it's been almost 6 years" you frown slightly, confused as to how any judge would believe your word over Kanes. "Honey, I'm Natasha Romanova, judge's fear me" she smirked before leaning back in her seat taking a sip of her wine, "I won't take no for an answer now, tell me more about this dream career of yours" she smiled softly. 

"It's just that" you reached for your glass not wanting to speak another word about Kane or the worry a court case was building within you, "a dream career" you added before sipping your wine. "Would you show me your work one day?" Natasha asked causing you to chuckle slightly, "wasn't I supposed to ask you questions?" you raised a brow, "didn't you say that was joke?" Natasha laughed before taking another sip of her wine, "go on, ask away" she added. 

"Does being a Lawyer and private detective really get you all this?" you asked, your eyes looking around you both. "Well, some of it, the rest comes more from a family business" the red head replied slightly squinting her eyes. "Would that be the red hour glass the maid had on her keys?" you asked, Natasha nodded slowly, "you saw that?"

"Yeah, the maid dropped her keys, so I picked them up for her…I'm sorry, did I over cross a boundary?" 

"No, don't stress. The family business isn't something I talk about it with anybody, it's uh, too complicated for people to understand"  

"What can be so complicated about it?" you chuckled, "unless you're a family of murderes" you joked. Natasha chuckled lightly along with you before taking another sip of her drink, "more wine?" she asked quickly changing the topic. "Sure, why not" you smiled completely unbothered.

Taglist: @marvelogic | @randomnessbecausewhynot | @blackwidow-3 | @lilsmeaux | 

[smidgen-of-hotboy]

Our Angel of Brahma, pt. iii

Me: I gotta stop writing this so I can finish something else for once. Also Me: continues writing this.

@ceaseless-watchers-special-girl @ananxiousgenz @demonic-panini @the-private-eye @gwenlena

SOUND: COMMS BEEPS. RECORDING BEGINS. SOUND: BEDSHEETS RUSTLING. Younger Revolutionary: Mm'arlie? What're you– Mm'arlie: Go back to sleep, Baird.  (MUFFLED LAUGHTER) I'll be back soon enough, just gotta… think about some things.  SOUND: BARE FEET ON TILE. Mm'arlie:  (SIGH) Where do I begin?  Baird’s mom went missing two years ago. She tucked him in, told him a bedtime story about the Revolutionary, and then closed the door. When he got up the next morning, she was gone. I came over and we waited outside on the steps for hours. She never came back from where ever.  We waited three days doing the same thing over and over. My parents fed him each day. And on the fourth day, his father showed up with his spouse. Baird isn't close with his Dad. And he hates their spouse. He didn't want them to stay with him but my family can't afford to take care of another mouth forever. My parents love Baird. But they can't raise another kid right now.  (GRUNT) SOUND: MM'ARLIE SITTING DOWN. Mm'arlie: So his daddy came back to pick up where his Mom left, and his step-parent tried to make amends. It's… it's been a rough couple of years… Earlier today, the System went down for maintenance, so the Constables were out patrolling all day. Baird was with me, completing an odd job brushing dust off the daycare windows for Mrs. Darius. Baird’s Dad didn't come home last night. So it was just him and their step-parent eating dinner. Lentils and fried spam.  Baird and I finished brushing the dust off the windows around noon. We still had plenty of time to pick up another job before we had to go our separate ways. So we went back to his apartment block to grab something to eat and collect our pay before we went looking. There was a crowd gathered outside Baird’s apartment. We pushed through hoping to slip inside unnoticed. I wasn't paying attention, Baird grabbed my shirt sleeve, and when I looked back– the were four Constables beating a man. Baird’s face went grey.  It was his father.  Wherever he went last night, they found him today, and they were– they were doing it in broad daylight. His spouse ran down the apartment steps and pushed me and Baird aside.  I watched them fall towards Baird’s Dad and shield his body with theirs. I watched the Constables pair up two-on-one and pry them apart. I watched Baird’s Dad sock one of them in the jaw and grab his spouse by the front of their shirt. They kissed. And when the Constables pulled them apart and dragged him away, he was singing. Crying, bruised, but singing.  The two Constable’s holding his spouse threw them aside. They didn’t say anything but there was a promise for later. They’ll come back for them, Later. (ANOTHER SIGH) Baird and their step-parent are staying with my family tonight. We're going to figure something out tomorrow but… I don't think there's going to be much to figure out. My family is Baird’s family. His Mom was my Spare Mom. We can't afford another mouth. There's hardly enough work to go around… My Dearest Baird, if you're listening to this I'm sorry. I didn't want to upset you anymore than you already are. I wish Brahma was a free planet and I wish I could see you dancing and singing on stage, on a stream. It's where you belong. I want to raise you out of this mess and bring your Mom back. I'm so sorry, Baird.  (SNIFFLING)  SOUND: SCENE FADES, RECORDING ENDS.   SOUND: COMMS BEEPING, NEXT RECORDING STARTS.  Baird: I forgive you, Charlie. 

- The Revoluationary is named Baird, and Mm’arlie is Charlie (the one who later gave them the book. Side Note: I HAVE OBTAINED A COPY!! THANK YOU FRANNIE!!) The first recording is “two years after Baird’s Mom disappeared”, unclear when the second recording was made (possibly a day later?) Baird mentioned in the very first recording I heard a “mother who tucked her children into bed a final time” and a “husband who pressed a bruising kiss against his spouse's mouth”, this had to be in reference to their own parents. NEED TO PINPOINT ROUGH ESTIMATE OF AGES, CREATE TIMELINE OF EVENTS STARTING WITH PETER NUREYEV (Should I ask Frannie? She seems just as invested as I am but I’m not too certain when I’ll see her next.) Baird is the one singing in the other recording? His voice sounds… enchanting. Full of longing.

[itscoolayout]

Daddy Issues (Jackson Marchetti x Reader)

Hey! I've never written something like this before, but I just watched season 4 of Sex Education and It makes me so mad how underrated Jackson is, so i tried to write something about him. Hope you like it!

Warnings: Spoilers from season 4, mentions of death.

After the loss of your father, your mother couldn't afford living in your town anymore, so you two had to move to Moordale, and that also meant starting in a new high school in the middle of the year. You didn't put any objection because you knew that your mother was already facing enough at the moment, but you didn't know how to handle that many changes in such a short period of time. Now you were being introduced by your teacher to your new classmates in Cavendish, putting on your cool girl facade to cover up you were freaking inside.

"Pairs are already made, so you will work as a team with Jackson and Vivienne", the teacher said, pointing at the two on the first row. You nodded your head and gave them a sided smile. You immediately felt how your heart skipped a beat when Jackson returned your smile. Viv didn't say a word for a couple of minutes, too busy taking notes of the class, until she realized you were even quicker than her.

"How do you do that?"

"What do you mean?", you said in confusion.

"You have written every word she said, but i can't even put up with all her rambling", she said obviously annoyed. You smuffled a laugh.

"I can give you my notes after class so you won't miss anything", she smiled and nodded at you, before paying attention again to the class.

_______________

Just like that, the three became a group of friends, studying after classes and sitting together at break time. You found with them a safe place in the chaos that was going on in your life. Also, you became more and more aware of your feelings for Jackson, cause anytime he would put an arm above your shoulders or would hug you goodbye, you would paralyzed as if you didn't know how to react. One day, you were in your room, waiting for Viv and Jackson to come and study for your coming Chemistry exam. You heard the bell ring and went to open the door.

"Hey y/n... you know i love how those grey sweatpants look on you, but maybe it's time to let them go", he said jokingly with a mischevious smile, nodding at the hole at the end of your old sweatpants.

"You enjoy the views too much. I would never do that to you", you tried to say without laughing, but failing at the end. That was how your friendship was, a joke there and then, but you always shrugged it off as just jokes. He laughed back and came inside, but then you realized Viv wasn't with him.

"Where's Viv?"

"Remember she told us she had a date with Beau?"

"Oh, you're right ", you slapped yourself from inside, and looked at him. Then you realized that it was the first time you were alone with him, without Viv by your side. The thought made you so nervous that you regretted making the plan in the first place.

"... So, are we going to your room to study or not?", he said confused, looking at you still wordless.

"Of course!", you said a little too high to your liking. "Did you brought the card notes we did in class with Viv?", you asked to change the subject, while going upstairs to your room. He nodded and showed them to you.

After an hour studying together, your mind became absent, paying more attention on his full lips than what he was actually talking about.

"y/n? Are you listening to me?", he asked. You blinked, not knowing exactly what was the right answer. After a couple of seconds, you finally gave up on searching for excuses.

"I am really trying to. Sorry, I think we should take a rest"

"You should have said it earlier. I wanted to gossip with you about this guy Viv is dating now", he said laying back in your bed. You laughed looking at him from your chair desk.

"Yeah, at first he seemed like a good guy but i feel like something is off with him, i'm not sure"

"Exactly!", he said in agreement. "I knew i couldn't be the only one that felt a weird vibe from this guy. He always shows up out of nowhere, is like he's Viv's shadow", he continued. You talked about it for half an hour, until you excused yourself to the bathroom. When you came back, Jackson was looking at a photo of your family. It was from the old days, when your parents took you to a theme park. You were posing with an ice cone in your hand, while your dad was hugging you from behind. Jackson immediately took a step back from the photo when he realized you were back, knowing that was a sensitive topic for you.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to sneak up on anything..."

"Don't worry", you cut him off. "Usually, when I think of him it hurts so much that i can feel it in my chest", you said, standing next to him, both of you looking now at the photo. "But this photo brings me back to that day and gives me some kind of comfort", you explained, trying to keep a neutral tone, not wanting him to notice any sign of sadness in your voice.

"I know it's an awful reasurance but try thinking how lucky you were having him by your side all those years", he said in a soft voice, looking at you in the most tender and loving way. You felt the touch of his knuckles against yours, and felt your heart doing flips inside your chest. By instinct, you almost immediately broke apart the touch and turned around.

"You know what? I think we may have more in common than we thought at first. Like the daddy issues, for example", he said trying to lighten the mood, but caughting you out of guard.

"What do you mean?", you asked confused. He sat next to you in your bed. He started playing with his fingers, too nervous to look you in your eyes.

"Do you remember the lump i found out in my testicle?"

"Yeah, but the doctor told you it was nothing to worry about, right?", you asked worringly.

"I know, but it still made me want to meet the sperm donor. So i called the clinic, but they told me they don't have any information about me or my mother", he said, still looking everywhere but you. You grabbed his hand, trying to calm him down. He looked at you surprised and smiled. "I have tried talking about it with my moms, but they still refuse to give me an answer. I know they are hiding something"

"How can i help you?", you asked without any hesitant. He looked at the time in his phone.

“Right now there’s no one in my house. Do you wanna come with me to search for some clues?”

“Sure”

____________________

You searched for god knows what in drawers and wardrobes of the whole house, his mothers bedroom the only room left. You looked at Jackson, asking without words if he wanted to cross that door. He nodded as he turned the door knob. You were trying to find something beneath the bed, while he was looking inside various drawers, until he saw a letter. He sat next to you on the floor, reading together that cheesy and even gross letter from a man called Jerome to his mom Roz. You couldn’t shake off the feeling that you were reading something you weren’t supposed to, but it was something important for him so you stayed quiet. He didn’t say anything for a couple of minutes, looking at the letter so intensely like he could make a hole in the paper just by his stare.

“Do you wanna pay him a visit?”, he looked at you, a scary look in his eyes.

“I don’t know… I mean, yes, I want to, but I don’t know how to tell this guy that he may be my father”, he answered lowly, almost a whisper.

“We will figure it out”, you simply said, resting your head on his shoulder. He took a deep breath, feeling how all his muscles relaxed when he breathed out and rested his head over yours.

__________________

You two found the address in the letter. Jackson looked at you, almost shaking. You grabbed both of his hands and squeezed them reassuringly. “I will be waiting for you right here. It will be okay”, you said in a soft voice. He nodded and let go of your hands. You watched how he approched the house hesitantly. You saw how a bald black man with a beard opened the door, and how Jackson was gesturing towards him, probably trying to explain the situation. Suddenly, the man closed the door abruptly. You couldn’t see Jackson’s face, but he stayed still in front of the door, not moving an inch. You started walking towards him, until you were behind him.

“Jackson”, you said, but didn’t got any answer. “Jackson”, you repeated, trying to touch his shoulder. He flinched at the touch and pulled away. You started to hear his deep breaths. “Jackson, please, look at me”, you said worried, making an effort to not touch him again and give him the space he needed. He turned around slowly and you could feel your heart ache when you saw his state. He had his eyes closed, probably trying to calm himself down, breathing erratically, his whole body trembling. You could see a painful expression on his face while he was touching his chest. You knew he suffered from anxiety but as far as you knew, in the last year he was handling it pretty well. Until now, that he was probably having an anxiety attack.

“Okay, don’t worry”, you said, almost as if you were reassuring yourself more than him, cause you didn’t really know how to help him. “I’m here, ‘kay? I’m here with you”, you said in a smooth voice, touching his shoulders slighty. He didn’t answer but didn’t step back either, so you gave him a caress along his arm until you were grabbing his hand. “Do you want to sit down?”, still no answer, but he let you guide him to sit down in the pavement in front of the house.

“He-he told me to g-go away”, he managed to say after a couple of minutes, still breathing heavily. He dropped his head backwards, looking at the sky. You placed yourself in front of him, caressing his arms up and down.

“That’s his lost. But before talking about it, I need you to try breathing normally. Will you breath with me?”, then he finally looked at you, the vulnerability and panic in his eyes making you feel like you could set that house on fire just to reassure him a little bit. He nodded slightly as you grabbed his hand to put it above your chest, and the other one above his. “Do you feel how calm is my pulse? I need you to steady yours as well. Breathe in”, you could feel his hands trembling behind yours, but he still followed your instructions. “Now, breathe out”, for a couple of minutes, you just stayed like that, breathing together, looking into each other’s eyes. Finally, he calmed himself down, but still didn’t let go of your hands.

“Thank you”, he whispered, letting his forehead rest against yours. You smiled.

“I got you”, you said back. It felt like you could stay like that for hours. "You were right after all. We both have daddy issues”, you joked. He shook his head, trying not to laugh.

“I told you so”, he said, kissing your knuckles.

[angelynmoon]

"Morgana is a terror." Arthur announces as he flops onto one of the cots Merlin keeps in his workroom, "Please tell me you have a way to make them adults again."

Merlin sighed and set what he was working on aside.

"I can't, the potion we were working on is temporary, it should have worne off if it was going to, but I think maybe Morgana is why it hasn't, I think she's keeping herself a child and Leon, having only a small amount of Magic, not enough for more than advanced intuition and luck, is following her lead." Merlin explained as he sat at Arthur's feet, taking off his boots and massaging his feet absently, "He loves her, you know that, right? But Uthur wouldn't allow it, he was going to marry her to one of his allies."

"Just when I think he can't get worse." Arthur sighed, "You don't have to massage my feet, you're not my manservant anymore."

Merlin looked at the feet in his lap, shrugged and continued, "I'm already half done. As for Morgana, I think it might be good for her to have a second chance, you could teach her that there's nothing wrong with her. She's still afraid of her Visions and she misses her Magic, her being a child again means I might be able to return it to her when she's a little older."

"A second chance." Arthur echoed looking up at the ceiling Merlin had enchanted to look like the sky outside.

A second chance at being a child, at being loved, of having a father that made her feel safe.

There were days that Merlin wished to give Arthur such a chance, a chance at a loving childhood but Merlin knew that Arthur would never take it, he had a duty to Camelot and her people.

But, knowing Arthur, he knew that the man would want Morgana to have that chance, a chance to be able to grow better, not just for Morgana, but Leon too.

Leon had been a squire during the hight of the Purge, he'd been a knight before it had ended, he'd seen things, been forced to do things that no one should have been forced to do. Merlin knew that some of the Druid raids had still given him nightmares, that he felt guilty for not being able to help Morgana when her Magic had first manifested.

No, being raised by Percival and Gwaine was a second chamce for him too.

"She won't be in the line of succession." Arthur said softly, "The people would never allow it, I couldn't risk it."

"Before Morgause, Morgana never wanted the throne, all she wanted was to help people, I think Morgause saw her being Queen as a chance to rule legitamatly through Morgana. With Morgana being Uthur's blood she would have had at least some support from the Noble Houses that only cared for their positions and Morgana was all too willing to take Morgause's advice due to the Bracelet." Merlin reminded Arthur gently as he laid his hands on Arthur's ankles, "I think if you're honest you won't have the trouble you think you will."

"So, tell her she's my de-aged sister that I decided to raise because our Father sucked at it so bad tge first time she let herself be manipulated into being a war criminal?" Arthur asked as he sat up to put his boots back on.

"Well, maybe not that truthful, at least not until she's older." Merlin admitted, "But tell her she's your sister, that you love her so much that you decided that wanted to raise her as your daughter instead of as just your ward, that you didn't trust Uthur to keep her safe because she has the potential for Magic and Uthur hates Magic."

"So, partial truths." Arthur looked at Merlin.

"Little truths, you can explain everthing when she's old enough to understand it, she might be angry, but that's when she'll need you love the most, it's where we failed the first time, she felt she was alone, that no one could be trusted with what she was experiencing and she was so afraid of Uthur finding out." Merlin said softly.

Arthur nodded, "I'm glad that Gaius suggested that he be taken to one of the summer homes, where he can be looked after until he goes."

"He needed more attention than we could afford him here with the clean up and with the repeal we could not risk his presence." Merlin reminded him, "The staff agreed to pretend that Magic idls still banned, and they give hin reports of dead sorcerers if he asks."

"You keep in contact with them?" Arthur asked.

"All the mirrors are spelled so I can check in with them, it was Gaius' idea since he spends much of his time there being the man Uthur trusted the most. I can check on him anytime and he won't notice me doing so, since without the right words it only works one way. And I chose words that Uthur would never say."

"And what words were those?" Arthur asked.

Merlin looked away, "It's best you don't know, we don't need to tempt fate."

"Merlin." Arthur said.

"I don't want to hurt you, Arthur." Merlin looked at him, "We both know what Uthur is least likely to say."

And Merlin was right, they both knew and it would involve Arthur and knowing would hurt his heart because it was his father and alk Arthur had ever wamted was the man to be proud of him and to say it.

"I've never thanked you, for everything you've done to protect me." Arthur said quietly as he took Merlin's hand.

"Arthur, I didn't do it for that." Merlin told him.

"No, but you did it, you've risked your life to keep me safe, more than you told me, I know that. Most often from my father's mistakes, and you're still doing it." Arthur said, "So, thank you, Merlin, for being my best friend, my brother, even when I was ungrateful."

"Well," Merlin sniffled a little as he scrubbed at the tears that threatened to fall, "You're not to worst brother to have."

"Oh, really?" Arthur grabbed at Merlin to bring him into a headlock, "Who is then? Who am I competing with?"

"I haven't met them yet, but I'm sure we'll find someone worse than you." Merlin teased as he slipperld from the hold, dancing towards the door.

"Merlin, you little...." Arthur yelled as he chased Merlin, only stopping when he was halted by Gwen's unimpressed stare as Merlin hid behind hern sticking his tongue out at Arthur, an action that Morgana copied from her position on Gwen's hip.

---

A/n: sorry for the slight angst but we all know that the phrase Uthur is least likely to say is "Arthur, I'm proud of you." Right?

Also Uthur is off on some far away estate being taken care of by staff because I'm not having him scared babyMorgana.

I also haven't decided if they still have their adult memories or just vague memories, or if the potion repressed all of that so that it's really a second childhood

[endorstoiii]

My wright #3 - I'm back

I know I've been very far from tumblr for a long time, but I had no idea my last appearance here was on Feb 20th. Long four months that, honestly, felt like just a few weeks.

I don't remember the exact reason why I got offline, but I suppose it was a huge amount of tasks (home + course), and add it tons and tons of exhaustion (mental, emotional and physical).

It's no surprise that my life only gets worse, and I'm not exaggerating or being dramatic or playing the victim. I really mean it. Also, I'm not being negative and pessimist. Nothing works for me. I am unemployed and I'm looking for a job for three years. Ok, we had a fucking pandemic in the middle of the process, but things are back to normal already and everyone I know had success after all of that. Except for me. Do you know how fucked up is it to be unemployed? It more than sucks. I only get older (and more tired) and it hinders to find a job. Not only "I am too old" to get a beginners job, but also I feel so uncapable, psicologically I am destroyed because no matter how hard I try to get my shit together, nothing works. I even get some job interviews, but I never step forward. I can't get a job as a designer. I can't get a job as anything else — I tried to get a job on many different areas, except for seller cause the pressure is way too much for me to handle (I am way too bad already, I can't get any worse or God knows what may happen) — I can't get any little ray of success at anything at all. Why? Is it me?

Honestly, I don't think I am the problem. Not anymore. I used to think I was terrible as a student, as a designer and then I would be a terrible professional as well. Plus, I am too shy and dumb, I wouldn't know what to do in much pressure, and job recruiters know that and would never approve me. But no. I know I am good in what I do. Obviously I'm not the best (and I think I don't even want to be, so that's ok), but I'm good and I deserve more. I am so attentious, cautios and passionate (finally! this would be a good topic to write about: my passion for design). And being shy and dumb? Like... Everyone is hah I know people who are even shyer and dumber, and they have a job, they do a great work. So, no. I am not the problem. So, the only answer I can think of is: external influence. I am the least spiritual person I know (another good topic to write about), but oh man, it's the only thing that makes any sense to me. I believe the horrendous, deep and negative energy of the enviroment I live in, unfortunately influences my paths. And not only to get a job, but to anything to me. For example, I can't have a date. I can't. My life is too bad, my psychologic is too bad, my emotional too bad. This is all because of this fucking shitty energy of the enviroment I live in.

Well, no surprises here. But yeah my life was a mess and got even worse. It gets worse with time. And as if everything isn't all fucked up already, my grandma (who is kinda still recovering from her knee fracture) fell of the stairs and broke her two wrists. Now, again, me and my mom have to take care of her — but this time we must keep our eyes on her all. the. time. Do you know how exhausting and demanding taking care of an old person can be??? I had no clue until last year when she broke her knee, now it's her knee and two arms. My God.

Just when I thought I was getting a bit better, I got totally worse again. But now I feel like I'm a little bit less shitty than I was a couple of months ago. Seriously, about two months ago I was so bad as I've never been my whole life :( I tried looking for psychological help but, uh oh, how will I afford it if I'm unemployed? I can't get better psychologically, I can't get better emotionally, I can't get better financially, I can't get better in any layer of life... However, these past weeks I felt a little motivation to just keep on going one day at a time, I miss tumblr and I miss my friends & mutuals, I miss doing those tagging post stuff. These are some of the things that bring me some joy :) despite feeling the worst ever, I want to be here and I want to keep on doing, cause if I don't, I will probbaly disassociate for real and I don't even know what's next.

This is probably the longest text post I've written here, but well deserved cause four months away from my safe place... It's a lot. I don't know how long this motivation phase will take, I hope it's like before. But while I'm here, I want to be here.

[capricornwriter5]

OUR SEESAW - Chapter 12

Pairing: Min Yoongi x female OC

Genre: idol au, Suga X female OC, smut, fluff, angst, college romance, friends to lovers, exes to lovers, happy ending. ⚠️Warning: mentions of mental health affections, drugs, explicit sex

Words: 3k

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Chapter 12 - Save me

By mid-January, classes had already started. Emm was more than thankful when one of her boring professors ended the class earlier. She used that free time to visit her boyfriend at the restaurant where he worked. Fortunately, Yoongi was on one of his breaks, so they could sit down and talk while having a drink.

"You didn't have to bother coming all the way here." Yoongi shyly commented.

"Bother? Why'd it bothered me coming to see you? You're crazy if you think I'd miss seeing you so shy."

“How annoying…” he whispered as she laughed.

"Cute!" Quickly and without anyone seeing them, Emmy pinched the musician's cheeks, something she loved doing because they were so soft. Of course, Yoongi didn't enjoy it that much and his bitter cat face got worse every time she did it.

"If you stop doing this, I'll show you something I have for you."

"What is it? Tell me!" She ordered looking for something Yoongi had nearby, but besides the hot tea in front of him, there was nothing.

Finally, the boy took something out of his pocket and placed it on the table. There were two tickets for…

"Are we going to the fair together?" Emmy's excited cry nearly deafens Yoongi; to tell the truth, it left him unable to hear properly for a few seconds. The girl had been asking him non-stop for at least two weeks, but Yoongi kept saying no, until he finally gave in to her.

“There are TWO conditions if you want me to give you your ticket.” He warned raising his left eyebrow. “First, NO roller coasters.”

"What if I get on and you wait for me?"

"Deal." He said nodding his head.

"What's the second?" Emmy's question was accompanied by a mischievous smile on the musician's face.

“You'll stay at my house for the weekend. Jin has a trip and…”

"Deal." Said the girl without caring about anything else and taking the ticket from her boy's hand, who smiled looking at her. “Can we go on your motorcycle?”

“Do you really like it that much?”

"I can hug you without you complaining or telling me I'm choking you, of course I like it!"

“Hey… don't make me look so bad. I don't complain when you hug me."

"Yes you do, and you do when I squeeze your cheeks."

“I do it because some days ago I appeared on the radio with red cheeks. They all asked me what had happened to me. I swear I looked like Pikachu.”

Time passed quickly between them laughing, but soon Yoongi had to go back inside. Meanwhile, Emmy would wait for him, she would stay at the same table; after all, she already had several assignments piling up. But before the musician left, Emm took his hand and Yoongi felt something in it.

“Tomorrow at 2:00.”

"Huh?"

Not understanding what she was talking about, Yoongi opened his hand and saw a doctor's card. He recognized the name just by looking at it, he was the best orthopedist in Korea. His brother had mentioned him, but only to refer to how impossible it was for someone like him to see his mother. Had Emmy actually gotten it?

"Make sure she goes."

“Emm, this is impossible, we tried to contact him, but his secretary told us that there's no space for new patients and the price is…”

"Yoongs, hush."

"But freckles..."

"He'll take care of your mom, don't worry about it anymore, okay?"

"Emm, we can't afford this."

“Just take her to the appointment, forget about the rest. Now, come on… you need to work, you don't want to get fired.” She said pushing him.

The whole drive home was about Emmy and Yoongi talking about the doctor's appointment thing. It was very challenging to persuade him to accept the help, but in the end, he did. He did it for his mother, of course, but also because he had made an effort to change certain attitudes that were getting him nowhere, and one of those was not accepting help. Also, Emmy was doing it so selflessly and honestly that Yoongi couldn't say no. According to Yoongi, they agreed that it would be a temporary help and that Yoongi would return all medical expenses to her later. Emmy said yes just to go along with him, but she knew she wouldn't accept anything from Yoongi.

Later, the couple had their piano lesson, then prepared dinner together and ate it while watching a basketball match in the comfort of Emmy's couch. It wasn't something the girl commonly did, but she knew Yoongi was passionate about the sport and it was an important game. To tell the truth, it wasn't that bad, seeing Yoongi that thrilled ended up being very funny. But even more comic was how offended he was that Emmy had fallen asleep. It was enough for the girl to rest her head for a moment on Yoongi's shoulder so that in seconds she would already have snored. After that incident, the musician made sure to ask her every two minutes if she was awake, something that became so irritating that Emm kicked him so he could leave her alone. It wasn't in Emmy's plans to kick him so aggressively; however, Yoongi had caught her about to fall asleep again and that aroused her anger.

While putting ice on Yoongi's leg so the pain could numb, Emmy couldn't suppress her laughter. Yoongi kept whining, even pouting, because of how hard she had hit him.

"I'd NEVER wake you up again. Not only did I end up injured, but I also couldn't finish watching the game."

“Don't be such a crybaby. You didn't even pay attention to the game because you kept bullying me. See what I'm telling you, Yoongs? You can't be without me, you can't even bear to watch a game without me." She teased tickling him until the musician took her hands.

“You are saved ONLY because I must leave early so I can take mom to her appointment.”

“I can tell Mr. Siu to take you." She offered talking about her driver. "I wouldn't mind walking to class with Hobi."

"No, princess, it's enough." He said tucking her hair behind her ear. "You've already helped me more than I can thank you for."

"But…"

Yoongi silenced her with a sweet kiss on the forehead. "Go to sleep, no more practice for today." 

“Good luck with your mom. I'm sure the doctor will help you and sooner than you think, she'll be fine. Call me when you're out of the doctor's appointment."

Yoongi agreed with a smile, and after thanking Emmy again, he left. 

************

The next morning, Emmy had barely woken up when there was a knock on the door. She didn't quite understand why her driver was there so early and why he was dressed so formally. 

"Miss, you have to hurry up, we must go!"

“Mr. Siu, what are you talking about? Where are we going? My classes haven't started yet."

“The flight, we're gonna miss the flight! Remember how upset the pilot was the last time you and Mr. Woosung made him wait for two hours.”

"Flight? No… I don't have any scheduled flights.”

"Miss Emmy, you went out yesterday, right?" No… that wasn't it, he knew Emmy, he knew how she woke up when she had gone to a party the night before. He was more than used to seeing her with a headache and in a bad mood from a hangover, and that morning she didn't look like that, she just seemed lost. "Oh no! Please don't tell me you didn't read Hana's emails again." Hana was Emmy's legal representative, she was in charge of dealing with family legal matters, but Emmy had a terrible habit of forgetting to read what she sent her.

That's how she took her cell phone and searched directly for Hana's latest email. The last thing she expected was to see that she was forwarding an email from her family's lawyer's office.

"Shit!" She cursed reading the summons. 

The girl had managed to stay moderately away from the family business while she was studying, she knew that once she graduated, she would have to work with them, but in the meantime, she could avoid awkward encounters with her sister and her father.

Emmy had been more than honest with Hana about how sour her relationship with her family was. She had expressed her wish to have nothing to do with them unless it was absolutely necessary, which was the case that morning. There would be a meeting with the Italian shareholders. Emmy's mother was Italian, which allowed the family business to expand. To tell the truth, the Italian cases generated even more money than the Korean ones, which was why they had constant meetings in Italy. Normally, Emmy would get Hanna to take her place, but when it was meetings with the foreign shareholders, that is, the family on her mother's side, there was no other option but to attend. As much as Seri and Emmy herself would have loved to get rid of that obligation, the email said very clearly that she must attend. 

"Shit..." She repeated still in shock and with the cell phone in her hand. Not only would she have to face her sister, but she would also have to deal with her father and make decisions about things she had no interest in at all. Then, there would be a dinner, where she would be forced to sit next to Seri and then everything would go downhill.

Emmy could mentally depict what that night would be like and the worst part was that they were not imaginary scenarios because when it came to her family, the reality was always worse than fiction, everything always turned out worse than imagined. 

Although there was something not THAT terrible, if it was a meeting with her mother's family, her cousins ​​would be there, and even though Seri had tried several times, she hadn't succeeded in completely ruining Emmy's relationship with them. At least someone wouldn't ignore her at the meeting. It wasn't that her aunts and uncles were nasty people, but they were too busy making money and winning cases to pay any attention to the youngest heiress.

Hana managed to keep Emmy from sharing a plane with her father or Seri. The family had two private planes, one owned by her father and used by no one but him, not even Seri. The second plane was taken in turns by the two sisters and their assistants always made sure that they did not coincide. However, it had not been easy to get the sisters to travel with different schedules. Naturally, the one who had the worst part was Emmy. Seri would arrive in Italy earlier, she would have time to rest, Emmy would take an exhausting flight of almost twelve hours; then, a driver would be waiting for her to take her to her family's offices.

Despite so much agitation, Emmy managed to take the flight. If it hadn't been for Mr. Siu's help, the consequences of Emmy not going to that meeting would have been catastrophic. 

However, it was enough for Emmy to get on that plane for the anxiety and intrusive thoughts to start choking her. Unfortunately, the hands she held onto to try to survive those crises were even deadlier than the first ones, they choked her in a different and deadlier way. Those hands were disguised as fine jewelry that Emmy took out of her bag. They all shared one characteristic, all the pieces of jewelry had clasps, which housed various types of drugs. She could choose what she wanted, she had complete freedom, she always had, the question was, how did she want to feel? Did she need peace? Or maybe a small dose of euphoria? 

It was painfully sad to see such a young girl succumb to drugs like that. She had friends who adored her and a boyfriend who would die for her. There were other options for her, but Emmy had never allowed them to offer a hand; after all, accepting an addiction problem was not easy for anyone.

She chose how she wanted to evade her reality. However, the episode of guilt and regret that followed was dreadful. She had stayed clean for quite some time, longer than she had lasted before, however, some seconds were enough for Emmy to ruin all that progress.

As expected, the meeting turned out to be unbearably awkward, and though she tried not to make eye contact with her sister, Seri missed no opportunity to bug her in countless ways. 

Dinner was no less uncomfortable, every time one of her cousins came up to talk to her, Seri got to avoid it. In fact, the only thing stopping Seri from making a fool of her little sister in front of everyone was that, like it or not, she and Emmy shared a last name, and it would be terribly humiliating if her name were in the same sentence as an incompetent girl.

More than once Emmy excused herself to go to the bathroom and consume something that would help her endure such an evening, but she couldn't abuse it either, if she lost control of herself, Seri would notice. Emm just needed enough drugs to stand firm and not collapse with her sister's comments and her father's apathy and indifference. 

Emm was nailing it, but Seri's slam dunk was just waiting for the perfect moment.

Emmy had been silent until one of her cousins ​​asked her what she thought about how the case of a politician accused of corruption would be handled. Seri had already said a few hours ago what they would do. Since it was an important case and she was such a competent lawyer, nobody said a word. Yet, Emmy identified a mistake that, while it seemed small, could bring down the entire case. For obvious reasons she didn't say anything, she would never dare to interrupt her sister. However, when her cousin asked her, she had just consumed a little more and the adrenaline rush led her to speak. Emmy hated the legal profession, but to Seri's bad luck, her sister was too smart and she had just proved it without intending it. 

Everyone at the table heard her speak and their jaws dropped. Since when was little Emmy so sharp? It was what everyone wondered about. Even her father looked at her intently and then directed a cold look of disappointment at Seri, who took the cup tightly while showing a fake smile while the conversation continued.

"Looks like the college classes are paying off, little sis." Seri commented combing Emmy's hair with her hands. Having her that close was so threatening that Emm felt her hands begin to shake as Seri leaned a little closer to speak into her ear. "Too bad Mom can't be here. Who knows? Maybe seeing you being such a good lawyer would make her forget about the depression she fell into when you were born, the same one that destroyed her. But anyway... we'll never know, she's eternally lying sedated, unconscious, she's dead in life. Luckily you're here taking her place, our little and sweet Emmy." She whispered showing her a twisted smile.

What happened after those words was erased from Emmy's memory. The drug abuse and the shock of her older sister's comment blocked Emmy's thoughts for some time. She wasn't even able to feel the tears that ran down her cheeks from the moment she said goodbye, until she got to the hotel room.

Although that comment was the trigger to relapse, it was nothing new for Emmy, that was the type of relationship she had with her sister.

Of course it hurt every time they met, but she had learned a long time ago to direct all that pain in another direction, hence the parties, drugs, and excesses.

Normally, when she was forced to attend meetings in Italy, she took the opportunity to visit some friends, whose mansions in Capri exceeded any expectations. However, this time she didn't feel as excited to go, she preferred to be at home, watching a basketball game with Yoongi, and playing the piano with him.

"Yoongi!" She squeaked when she realized that among all the madness, she hadn't been able to talk to him.

************

The day before in Korea, at around 4 in the afternoon, Yoongi was already leaving the doctor's appointment with his brother and mother. Although it was not the musician's preferred option, he had to tell his mother that he knew everything about her illness and that from now on, he would be more present. As Emmy told him, the doctor proposed several options, treatments so novel that the family couldn't even imagine, but that would help Yoongi's mother to recover soon. As effective as they were, they were expensive, but when Yoongi tried to talk to the doctor's secretary, she looked at him confused, she didn't understand why he kept asking her how much he owed.

"There must be a misunderstanding, the doctor told me that he won't charge you." 

“But, what about the treatments, the medications, the surgery that…?”

“You don't have to worry, all those expenses have been covered. I think we'd better talk about your mother's exams. Could you check that this is the correct address to which we are going to send the results?"

Yoongi confirmed that it was his email, but looking down at the name of the owner of the card that everything had been charged, he was dumbfounded. 

"What did you do, freckles?" 

She was supposed to help him pay just the date doctor's appointment, not everything else.

“Yoongi, is something wrong?” Geumjae asked coming closer once he saw his younger brother's face. “It's a lot of money, right? Don't worry, we'll find a way to…”

"Let's go home, hyung, mom needs to rest." He interrupted walking in front of his brother.

The rest of the day Yoongi tried to contact Emmy, but he was puzzled that the girl didn't answer his messages or calls. Even more strange seemed to him the fact that she had not written to ask him about his mother's appointment. He knew that Emmy was not the type of person who let something important slip by.

The hours went by and when it was time to go to bed, Yoongi got worried, Emmy had never disappeared like that. He didn't want to be a suffocating boyfriend, maybe she needed a little time… He would try to talk to her the next day.

Yet, that wasn't that simple. Yoongi didn't sleep well that night, he dwelled on numerous topics such as the huge sum of money he owed Emm and how he would pay it. He was also tormented by the idea of the girl thinking he was taking advantage of her, which could not be further from the truth. But the most he thought about was why he hadn't heard from her all day.

Yoongi, the person with the worst communication in a relationship, the person with the least attachment was worried that he hadn't talked to his girlfriend. It was not the fact of not knowing about her that anguished him, because no one respected someone's personal space and free time more than Min Yoongi, it was about how strange it was not to hear about Emmy. 

Like night and day, the two of them had been like that since day one. Yoongi barely saw the cell phone, while Emm texted him constantly, Yoongi fell asleep and she called him to tease him and wake him up. So it was indeed strange that she hadn't written to him, even more so considering his mother's appointment. 

At around five in the morning the next day, Yoongi's cell phone rang. That night his sleep was so annoyingly light that by the first buzz, he had already opened his eyes. Seeing Emmy's name on his screen at that hour not only gave him a horrible chill but made him jump up like a spring.

"Freckles! Where are you? Something happened?"

"Yoongs, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm the worst person in the world!" The girl talked until she ran out of breath, and tried to explain everything that had happened and why she hadn't touched her cell phone all day. “What did the doctor say? Is your mother...?"

"Did you eat? Did you get any sleep?"

Yoongi didn't care about the time, nor that she hadn't called him, the only thing that mattered to him was that she was okay. The flight had been very long, and he doubted that she would have enjoyed the meeting with her family.

"But... your mother..."

“Princess, she's alright, everything will be fine thanks to you."

"Aren't you mad?"

"What? Emm, no! I was worried about you. I thought something bad had happened to you."

"Yoongs..." She whispered biting her lip as it began to quiver. It was the first time someone had said something like that to her, the first time someone had expressed sincere concern for her. Emmy couldn't help but feel terribly bad for having relapsed. What would Yoongi say about that? He didn't deserve a partner like that.

"Freckles, what's going on?" he asked turning on his desk lamp when he heard a sob, it was so subtle that he barely managed to hear it. "Are you crying? What happened?"

“No, no… nothing happened. I'm not crying, I must have an allergy, the weather here is a bit different.” The musician was silent because there was something that didn't add up to him, something made him feel a bit restless. “Yoongs, I'm sorry, I know that I promised you that I'd stay with you for the weekend, but I don't think I'll be able to do it." 

"Oh... that's bad news." He said sighing. "But it's okay, don't worry about it. We'll come up with something to send Jin away for another weekend."

“What about our date at the fair?”

“Baby, that can wait. Please get some rest, It must be around ten o'clock. Did you have dinner? Just eating dessert doesn't count." Yoongi's comment brought out a smile, for that's what she had done, she hadn't eaten during dinner, she had only tried a bit of dessert. "Don't go to sleep without eating, okay?"

After asking once more if everything was alright, Yoongi and Emmy ended the call, but not before making sure they would talk later. However, the girl did not think of going to sleep. She felt especially ashamed to return home and look Yoongi in the eye after taking drugs again. 

It was not true that she could not go back to Korea on time, she could perfectly take a commercial flight in case her family's plane was not available. She could also use one of the planes from her friends in Capri, they had offered them to her many times and both she and Woosung had used them to attend such ostentatious parties. However, she couldn't see Yoongi yet, not after doing drugs as she had all day, and as she would for the rest of the week…

➳ Next chapter

[dredshirtroberts]

My mom sent me a christmas card, postmarked january 6th.

my mom sent me a christmas card with a check inside. There's also a note, written in the most bland, banal language in order to best express that they don't understand what's going on but they're going to love me through it anyway.

In case you're new here, I gave them a hard boundary last june/july that they crossed in about two weeks after having set it. After a life of laying down hard boundaries that were crossed time and time again with no apology or acknowledgement that it had happened i was done. That had been their last chance, whether or not I said as much, and they couldn't manage to remember it even that long.

because it's clearly more important to let me know how much they miss me and think about me instead of respecting that i've asked for distance and silence from them while i do my own thing. They never had a problem leaving me alone before I moved away and then I had to essentially beg them to leave me be. To the point that I finally said that if you can't do this on your own, I will help make it easier for you and block you so you cannot reach me.

And she still sent me a christmas card. late, as it was well into the new year by the time of the postmark, but surprisingly close for her. I'd be almost proud of her for it, but like...

one of my biggest points of fracture with the two of them was about how much of a last-thought i always seemed to be, especially around the holidays and planning for the holidays. So is this early-by-her-standards because she's making an effort, or is it late because she really doesn't consider these things until the last minute?

I wish it was easy to explain to them why I won't talk to them anymore. I think they're assuming it's the name change, my gender. I think they probably are concerned it's the people i'm around. And, i mean, it's not not those things. but it's more than those things too.

it's... it's years of being an afterthought. it's years of being the last to know plans that have been in the works for weeks if not months before i get to know about it a half-week in advance (hope you can get the time off for it!). It's changing plans last minute and assuming i'll just know about it when no one bothers to reach out and let me know - especially if it's because they think my mother will do it for them because that's her position on the phone tree, as it were.

it's decades of trying so hard to set boundaries and just watching them be bulldozed over because it wasn't important to them to do anything other than what they wanted. it's a lifetime of being told i'm not good enough - and then finally accepting that and having to figure out how to justify "giving up" to my family who was banking on me being successful somehow. because that was my job - to be successful and be a trophy for my parents to show off to their families, their friends.

And i couldn't be that.

I also suffered years of emotional abuse and neglect, medical neglect, and academic neglect because no one could be bothered to get to know me as more than a conveniently quiet child while i ate myself up inside day after day trying so hard to figure out what combination of things would make my parents happy with me. what would make them love me.

It was a competition, too. I had to vie for my parents' attention with my sister. and there are two things you need to know about me: I would give my sister the world if I could afford it, and I am not a competitive person by nature. I fell into the trap, and i know it - she did too. We were encouraged to be mean and spiteful to each other before we were loving. I still don't know how to effectively show my sister i care about her. I'm terrified I already did too much and she'll never forgive me anyway. But i wasn't actively trying to be the best kid to win my parents' love away from her. I just wanted a little.

It was probably more likely that neither of us was getting any of the love, but it was incentive enough even with that.

I truly and honestly believe my parents just do not understand why doing the shit they do is wrong. My mother's tone in her note to me was readable probably ONLY by me, because I know her too well to not see the aggression in her words. The check was an attempt at violence - whether she understands that or not. She knows she raised me to grovel when I am given a generous gift, she knows I raised myself into a polite person who responds to things in a socially acceptable way. She knows, so she sends a gift that is large enough that I would have felt obligated to reach out and thank the giver personally, in the past.

And have, in fact, with my grandparents, just Friday actually done exactly that.

What do I do with it now? Am I resolved to keep them blocked? Will I suffer the consequences of rudely not thanking them and using the money anyway? Should I just send it back and not touch their bribery money?

Well first of all - I have earned so many reparations. And back-pay for the years I was overworked and underpaid at their fucking company. So I'll be keeping the money. The money will likely go to weed if i'm to be completely honest (assuming i don't end up using it for food or bills) - i considered name change or top surgery funds, but eh. those are too long a payoff for it, and she's not going to hear back about what i did with the money anyway.

I won't be responding to her. Because all I really want to do is go "YOU DON'T DESERVE TO HAVE ME BACK, THIS IS YOUR FAULT" and then outline every single thing that they have done to me, every reason i have to not talk to them anymore, and make them look at it and finally fucking apologize. And since i've done this on a smaller scale in the past and i know it doesn't work - they never apologize no matter what the slight is or what i point out - i'm not even going to bother. I have nothing to say to them.

Because while she opened with "We miss you" and closed with "love", i don't miss them, and she apologized for saying they love me.

but she didn't apologize for the reason I cut them off.

[lefae]

Personal Update

On December 1, mom broke her ankle horribly enough to require surgery to fix it. I stayed with her through most of the hospital stay (I only came home one night because I have PTSD issues regarding that hospital and wasn't getting any sleep there because of it), and have had to spend most of my time since then at her house because she's completely non weight bearing and is incapable of much mobility at all on her own right now...

Given that I am physically disabled, with mobility issues - spinal damage and a once broken ankle that needs surgery again that I can't afford, both of which demand I severely limit the amount of time I'm on my feet or I risk losing my ability to walk completely even faster than I'm already losing it - you can just imagine the struggle that this is, given how difficult it is to simply take care of myself, much less another person. Add to that that we don't always get along when forced to be around each other for extended periods of time, and I don't get any chance to rest during my chronic illness flare-ups or to recover from them...

The rest of my family who had been helping with at least meals, running errands, and a couple overnight stays a week all have COVID right now as of December 24. Thankfully, there wasn't any family gathering, so neither mom nor I got sick, but that also means all of what minimal help and breaks I got have disappeared, to where it was a while production when I needed to get my aunt from the sperm donor's side of my family to give me a ride to the store to get a few things I needed for myself because no one else picked them up for me like they were supposed to.

I am bloody exhausted, in severe pain, dealing with severe depression on top of it all, because in all this, one thing has been made abundantly clear: it doesn't matter how fucking disabled I am, my family honestly doesn't give a shit and it's actively exploiting the fact that I'm unable to work (even if I found a job I could handle, it wouldn't be available here locally, the internet sucks to much to be able to do it remotely (plus they wouldn't leave me alone to do it regardless), and any commute would be insane even if it was in the immediate area since it's a 30 minute drive to the nearest fucking grocery store as it is, etc) to have me essentially work literally 24/7 with no compensation, I'm not even able to sleep in my own fucking bed, I don't have access to my computer at all most days, I have to work regardless of flare-ups or migraines or pain levels, and I've actively noticed a severe decrease in my own mobility trying to do this because no one else will, and the hospital sent her home instead of putting her in rehab like we were told they would because no one here was able to handle doing this but apparently that didn't matter and no one would listen to me when I tried to kick up a fuss despite my being the one who has had to do the vast majority of the work since, all while completely neglecting my own living space because I haven't even had time to go home and take out the fucking trash or clean out the fridge because apparently no one cares if I get sicker or permanently injured in all of this.

And the real kicker is when everyone else is being all "woe is me" because they miss my uncle who passed away in September, and expecting me to comfort them when I'm well past my breaking point to where I simply want to run away and never look back because I can't keep this up, I'm so tired and I'm so much pain and I'm scared that by the time this is over, I'm going to be unable to even stand on my own two feet anymore and it will be entirely their fault at that point and they'll just leave me to fend for myself like they've always done, yet expect me to push myself to the point of sickness and injury for them even when I say I'm not able to do it because they'll threaten me with taking away the financial support I'm dependent on them for.

So yeah... Don't expect a lot of activity from me right now, since I have a lot of trouble trying to type on touchscreens and I'm largely stuck on mobile for the foreseeable future. And if you can spare a few dollars so I can try to just order some things for myself to have it delivered rather than struggling and fighting with family to get any bloody help around here, I would deeply appreciate it (links to buymeacoffee & Amazon wishlists are in my pinned post, or it's possible to tip through this blog).

[house-not-home]

Another night of no sleep.

He and I just moved to our own place together, which has been super exciting- but also super fucking stressful. On top of that, we've been dealing with some family issues that came out of nowhere and have left us feeling more than a little stranded. We're not doing all that well.

His sleep habits still haven't changed, and it's taken a bigger and bigger physical toll on him. Tonight he's added nightmares to the list. I don't even know anymore how many times he's woken up yelling about something just tonight. It's been frequent enough that now my anxious brain is spinning and I can't fall back asleep. The last time he woke up he told me what the dream was. I was apparently straining pasta and something had gone wrong with the sink, causing boiling hot water to start overflowing. In his words, I just "wasn't listening and it was one more problem for (him) to fix." I don't think he knows how hurtful that was.

It's made me think a lot about past relationships. I feel like there must be something I'm doing wrong, but I don't know what. There's something I'm lacking in. I feel like I'm already doing so much. I'm the only reason we aren't homeless right now, as he contributed literally nothing to the apartment search or application process. I did a vast majority of the cleaning and packing, along with coordinating the move itself and making sure we had all the supplies and funds we needed. Up until recently, he didn't even work full time making minimum wage, but I often work overtime to pick up his slack, and I'm constantly looking for better paying jobs to make things easier on us. I'm taking classes right now just so I can get a 1$ raise and a work-from-home position while still working full time, and he's only recently started thinking about applying elsewhere. He still hasn't tried to get himself on health insurance so he can afford to fix his sleeping issue, and instead has let it fester and cause more and more problems for both of us. I try not to bring it up anymore, but I don't know how much longer I can essentially watch him die slowly. He constantly talks about being exhausted as if I'm not also up with him all night - sometimes more than he is. On top of that, he's still falling asleep in the middle of sentences. I can't tell you how many car rides I've spent in my own head because he passed out beside me before finishing a thought. I physically don't nap unless I'm very sick. If I don't sleep, I don't get any other chances for rest. I stay up all day, get maybe a couple hours of sleep, and watch him sleep all day on our days off while I do everything else around the house even though I'm just as exhausted. I've done so much emotional labor defending him to his family (who are also fed up with this shit), reassuring him, making sure he's cared for first, accommodating him at every possible turn.

I've done so much for him at my own expense. Yet I break down once and he makes me feel like a burden for it. I'm drained. I'm completely tapped out. I can't be the strong adult one anymore. I need an equal partner but I feel like asking even the bare minimum from him is too much.

Is it my fault? Am I focusing on the wrong things and missing something important? Am I doing something wrong? Am I just not enough?

[hidingmurklins]

BAD VIBES POST, PLEASE KEEP SCROLLING, I JUST NEED TO PUT THIS SOMEWHERE.

This summer job was supposed to help me afford to live but the stress from the whole car situation and being sick has drained me so much I can't focus on anything long enough to get all my hours in. My boss suggested keeping me on longer to make up for it, but I'm already getting off just a couple days before the annual family memorial gathering up north where we celebrate my dead dads birthday and I get a fucking break from this hellhole of a city.

We live in a city that has a severe lack physical or mental health care services of any kind (including a years long waitlist to see a psychiatrist or get a family doctor/nurse, weeks or longer to see a fucking "walk-in" doctor, and no more access at all to obstetricians or vets) during an addictions crisis, a housing crisis, and a plethora of other crises, while the local industry pumps noxious gas into the air to an extent that some days I can't see or breathe in my driveway as late as 11am. And we can't afford to move anywhere, including back North, because some assholes from the south (maybe even overseas) keep buying up properties, flipping them, and selling them for ridiculous prices that nobody around here can fucking afford. Even if we could afford it, that would mean abandoning my education and just taking what I can get for a job up there, which probably wouldn't afford us a decent quality of life anymore.

I asked my grandmother to take my car to a shop one day a month ago because for weeks we had known we had to either fix the wheel wells or get a new car and I simply didn't have the time. Instead she took my brother to spend my savings on a car that is older and rustier, that we just found out for sure I can never actually drive because where the rocker panels are supposed to be is completely rotted out and those are mandatory. I'm getting my money back from them, but in the meantime they've also sunk a large sum of money into it and it's still in my name, and the car I'm currently driving could lose its shocks at any moment because of how far the mounts have rotted.

Every day I wake up, have a coughing fit, work for 3 hours, then pass out and panic until I have an hour to myself in the evening after dinner. But that moment doesn't come now because my grandpa injured one hand and the other elbow faceplanting in the driveway and can't do anything for himself. So I just panic until I dissociate to tiktoks long enough to fall asleep.

I have court this Friday where I'm supposed to update them on my mental health status and how well I'm keeping up with my listed supports, but I am not in contact with anyone except one of them very 2 weeks because none of the others have called me back in over 2 years except my family doctor who I only hear from every few months and can rarely get a hold of otherwise. She just wants to prescribe me a new med that is going to put me through potentially debilitating side effects, and nasty withdrawal symptoms if I happen to miss a dose, while doing nothing about my actual problems or the skills I need to cope with them. So I said not until I get some therapy, but we have 6 weeks to figure out this diversion stuff while the waitlist to see a fucking therapist is 6 months.

If I go to prison, my 7-year-old daughter will be stuck with her dad whose coping skills and ability access to resources are worse than mine, and I don't trust any of my family to help raise her because they did a fucking terrible job with me and she deserves better. I also don't want her stuck in the foster system, because that's worse. I need to be around to keep her safe and surround her with other safe people like the grandma's and aunties I've been connecting with through my job and school events. If I'm not around, there is nobody but my mom who might do that, but my stepdad comes with her and I can't stand the thought of what my kid might go through being around him. So I've potentially saved her from one bad situation only to throw her into a worse one with even less support.

I am in fucking agony. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't afford to check myself into psych (if there's even room for me, I might sleep in emerg for days before they kick someone out to let me in), but that's the only way I can think of to get me on the fast-track to see one of the only psychs we have.

[soyouthinkucanwrite]

The money thing (part 2/2) - Daniel Ricciardo

Warnings: SMUT! angst, confrontation... and more SMUT!

This is it, guys! Buuut... I think I'm gonna keep this story going, what do you say? Shall we find out about how shopping with Charlotte goes, and the party, and just how (y/n) handles this new dynamic overall? As always, let me know what you think! Read part 1 here!

When you got back at home, you were barely inside the apartment and Daniel was already pushing you against the door, kissing you passionately. You go down the corridor half kissing, half walking, Daniel chasing you all the way. You run to his room and then inside the shower, taking off your sweaty clothes on the process. You guys get under the shower and the feeling of the chill water along with Daniel’s kisses on your skin is just too good.

“You’re unbelievable” he says, letting your feet touch the ground again. You wash each other clean after that, running your hands through each other’s body and memorizing every curve, every detail.

“You’re unbelievable” he says, letting your feet touch the ground again. You wash each other clean after that, running your hands through each other’s body and memorizing every curve, every detail.

After a while, you get out of the shower, dry your hair quickly then wrap yourself in a towel. You go to your toiletry bag on the sink and take your toothbrush out, brushing your teeth while Daniel finished showering. Then you take your hair cream and put some on, your hair is really starting to feel the damage with all this boy’s shampoo, you think. Then you take some skin serum and apply some drops on your face, spreading lightly. Man, you missed skincare and it missed you. Last step: body lotion. Daniel gets out of the shower and you know he's watching you.

“Why you’re pampering yourself all up?” He asked coming behind you and kissing your neck.

“I’m doing what I was supposed to do the last two nights…but got distracted” you smirk at him. He lifts his hands in mock defense. Then you open the towel and start spreading the cream on your stomach, then your legs, then your butt. He’s watching you still, so you smile. “You say you like my skin, well it takes a lot of creaming to maintain it”

“I thought that was my job, love” He says in a low voice from behind me, putting his hands on my hips.

“Not like-” you start but decide it’s not even worthy, he knows what you meant. You just swat him on the shoulder and he laughs, going back to the room.

“By the way” he says putting his head back through the door. “You smell amazing, so finish up and get your ass back in the bed so I can properly cream you up”

“Daniel!” Little shit. He laughs even louder.

When you go back inside the room Daniel is sitting on the bed, looking through his phone. You pass him towards the closet and decide to take a look at the clothes you brought with you, to see if there's anything you could wear to this party tomorrow. What do you even wear to a yacht?

You take a few outfits and place them in front of your body, testing them on the mirror, but nothing seemed appropriate.

"You want a shirt baby?" Daniel asks you out of nowhere.

"Hum? Yeah, sure" you answer him, hanging the clothes back in the closet.

"Are you looking for something for tomorrow? Just buy something with Charlotte" he said simply while putting sweat pants on.

"Yeah... I..." you took a deep breath, "It's just..." you tried to say, but nothing seemed to come out. You were scared he was gonna think you're being ridiculous.

"What?" he looked at you.

"Nothing, never mind" you gave up, putting on his shirt with your underwear and going back to his room. He followed you, wearing nothing but his sweat pants.

"I'm just guessing here, but I have a feeling it's a good one" he started, "It's the money thing, isn't it? You don't want to spend money buying an outfit for this party?"

"It's not that I don't want to, Dan. I just can't afford it!" you said raising your voice tone a bit. He just stared at you for a while. "I don't know if you've noticed, I'm not on a million dollars contract but I'm still living like I was!" you sat down on the bed, eyes filling with water. "I just can't do this anymore, sorry. It's killing me and it's so stupid, so petty, but again, it's not! Cause what would the solution be? You paying for everything? Me just becoming a leech? A gold-digger?" he was watching you quietly, but let out a laugh at that last part.

"Don't laugh! I'm serious!" you continued.

"Baby, listen to yourself. What do you want me to do besides laughing?" he smiled sympathetically at you.

"Well, I'm glad you're finding it amusing because I feel sick everytime the subject comes up. The clothes, restaurants, plane tickets... I can't be living like that, and it's not just that. It's also because I know there's only one way this is going"

"You finally understanding this is ridiculous and accepting the credit card I made on your name months ago?" he said sitting by your side.

"Us not being together anymore. We're just from too different worlds, it's not gonna work. You need someone that can keep up with this lifestyle" you said getting up and walking towards the bathroom.

"No, you're not!" he said pulling you back down to his lap by your waist. "Enough with this bullshit" he said kissing your face and wipping your tears away. "Tell me what the real problem is. This is not about money, money is only a tool, a means to something, we can't let it have this much power over us. There's always more where that came from" you just looked at him. He had a much more healthy relationship with money than you, maybe because he had so much to spare. "This is not about money. You're not greedy, I know you. You're just the polar opposite of it. The most generous person I know. Is that it? You're feeling guilty?"

"I think... kind of. It's not fair, how can I have so much, knowing that most people have never even seen that much money. We’ve spent the average person's paycheck on a meal, Dan!" you said.

"(y/n), baby... it's not your responsibility. You can't carry this weight on you. You already do so much for people, you volunteer and donate all the time... you can't deprive yourself because other people don't have the same opportunity, that wouldn't be fair either" he tried to reason with you.

"But what about you?" you asked.

"What about me?"

"I just... listen, I know, rationally I mean... that I don't handle the idea of money very well. If you must know, I couldn't even take money from my parents as a kid. I just can't help but think it wasn't fair to them and it's not fair to you, to spend it with me. It's yours! You worked hard for it! I’m literally leeching on you!"

"So, you agree? The money is mine, so I can do with it what I please?" he said.

"Yes, but-"

"Why can't I spend it with the person I love most in the world? Huh? What is so wrong with it? Even if I was choosing to spend it on you instead of on myself, which I'm not, why couldn't I?"

"I feel like I'm taking advantage of you"

"Baby, we're taking advantage of this life. I was given this unholy amount of money for doing my dream job. Can you see how rare and fucking blessed this is? I mean, I thought so, until I met you. I thought I knew what a good life was until you were in it. This is a good life, with you enjoying this fucking lottery ticket with me" he said pecking your lips and rubbing your back, while you leaned on him. "Is this why you wouldn't come to London with me?" you looked at him and nodded.

"Sorry about that..."

"No, I'm sorry I didn't push more on the subject earlier. This has been going on for long enough now. It's just money, (y/n). Just it. Just a tool for the wonderful life we lead together. You understand?"

"Yeah"

"Look at me" he said turning your chin to look at him. "Do you really? Will you let me pay for stuff now? Tell me whenever you have an expense or even better, will you accept the credit card I made for you?"

"I don't think that's necessary"

"Please baby. Let's try it my way? Will you use it from now on?" he asked again pecking your lips. "Say yes. Say yes, or I'll give you a minimal monthly spending goal as well" he smiled and you looked at him like he was crazy.

"I'm not comfortable with it"

"Just try, please? You can start by buying something tomorrow for the party" the look on his face changed and you knew he was about to tease you. "If you'd prefer, we can say you're buying something for me... you wanna be my sugar baby?" he laughed.

"Too soon to joke about it" you said but laughed anyway. "Okay" you said after a while, "I'll use it. But you have to promise me you'll tell me if you change your mind"

"You're scared I'll go in debt?"

"I know you would"

"Good. Because I would. For you. But I know you don't need me to, so if we run out of money we'll just be poor together. Good thing you have experience, huh?" he laughed.

"Asshole!" you swatted him on the chest.

"You know I'm joking. But you get it now, don't you? We're lucky enough we don't have to worry about it, so let's not worry about it. It shouldn't even take a second of our day, it doesn't matter. Us, being together and our happiness is what matters. Okay?"

"Okay. Thank you, for being so understanding. Sorry for being... you know"

"I love you. And I don't expect you to simply go on a shopping spree, although I do expect you to buy those plane tickets soon. But the thing is, I'm here for it, I'm here to solve every little obstacle that gets in our way, no matter what, no matter how silly you're being"

"You're being so mature about this" you smirked at him.

"Well, what can I say? Being the perfect human I am, I understand that other humans are not, I'm just humbled that I can guide you on your path of enlightenment" he laughed and you rolled your eyes. "In all seriousness now, you know why is that, don't you?"

"Why? Because you're just better than everyone else?"

"Well, yes. But also because I have it really clear in my mind what really matters. And that's you. Us. It's all that matters to me. Being good for you" he said looking into your eyes.

"I love you, so much. I don't deser-" he cut you out by kissing you deeply and pulling you closer to him.

You moved so you were straddling him now, your arms around his neck and your hands on his hair. His hands that were on your waist, keeping you closer, started to slip down your body, so he was holding your bum.

"I want you" he said against your lips. You smiled and started to grind down against him. You were only wearing his shirt, which was bunched up around your waist, and your underwear, which wasn't the sexiest piece you owned but you didn't think Dan would care. In fact, he didn't seem to care at all for your underwear, cause he was already slipping his hand under you, pushing the thin layer to the side, and sliding his fingers through your lips.

You moaned at the sensation, still sensitive from your adventures early in the shower. "I... Dan..." you begin to say, but couldn't form a full sentence.

"What is it, baby girl? You want to say something?" he whispered against your ear, sucking your earlobe lightly. Then he pressed his pointer and middle finger against your clit, circling them firmly against you and making you moan louder for him.

"I'm still sensitive from early" you said against his lips, laughing a bit.

"You want me to stop?" he asked looking at you deeply.

"No!" you answered almost too fast, making him chuckle. "Don't stop, please"

"Hum... since you asked so nicely" he said sucking on your jaw, then your neck. You took that opportunity to slip your hand down his torso, feeling his chest and abs, and then reaching for him through his sweat pants. He was rock hard already. This man is insatiable. You smiled at the sound he made when you grabbed him lightly.

"I just want to feel you inside me" you said pulling his pants down and out of the way. He lifted you both from the bed slightly to help you take them off, then you grabbed and lined him with your center, sitting down slowly, letting only the head in first.

“Babe, please,” it’s Daniel’s turn to beg now “I need you" and then you sink down on him, feeling all of his length while he bottoms out inside you. He sucks on your sweet spot, muffling the groan that comes out of his mouth.

"Oh my god Dan" you moan, dropping your head back and giving him even more access to your neck. You pull his hair a bit more, fingers clamped down so tightly you're scared you might pull his hair out. You stay like this, feeling him deep inside you, for a while. He pulls away to look you in the eyes and kiss your lips, massaging your tongue with his. It's so intimate, so truthful, like he said, the only thing that matters in the world.

"I love you" he says looking you deep in the eyes. You nod before replying because you want to make sure he knows you know. That you believe and trust him.

"I love you, so much" you say back.

Then you roll your hips, testing out the angle, and it's almost too much to handle. It feels like hours and seconds at the same time, but you find a rhythm together, a pace you can keep sitting on him, while he only worries about kissing you and keeping you both from falling from the bed.

You're sure you'll be feeling sore tomorrow. Actually, you already are. Your legs, tired from the running and all the sex you've been having lately, start to give out and you lose your strength. Luckily, Daniel seems to catch that before you have to say anything, so he brings his hands to your hips and starts to help you move up and down on him.

You sit up slightly, moaning at the different angle he hitting now and he groans, feeling you clench around him. "(y/n)" he moans your name, "baby, I'm go-" he moans, feeling you clench again.

"Me too" you reply.

"Where do want me to? Huh? I'm gonna cum for you baby" you kiss him, feeling your pussy spasm around him, making it even harder for him to keep a steady rhythm.

"Inside me. I need you to come inside me, please, please baby" and there's no time to think, to ask if you're sure. You feel his whole body tensing and his thrusts get sloppier. Then, when you feel the hot liquid spur inside you, he grabs a handful of your ass with one hand and slips his other in between the two of you, flicking your clit rapidly and precisely.

That's all it takes for you to lose it completely, your walls fluttering around him as your body trembles at the intensity of the pleasure.

You both ride your orgasms together, you rolling your hips slower and slower, and him holding you tighter and closer until you stop completely. The only sound being your heavy breathings.

After a while, you pull away to find him already staring at you.

"You are the most beautiful thing I ever laid eyes on" he says to you and you feel the warmth of his words.

"I'm yours. Forever" you say simply and kiss him lightly on the lips.

"I feel like I have so much to lose. It honestly scares the living shit out of me"

"I know what you mean. I feel the exact same, I promise. I don't know how I got so lucky to find you" you say.

"And I, you. But we're just being dumb, right? I guess it's good we know that, but also... that we're not going anywhere, right?" he asks and you can sense there's some insecurity behind his line.

"Right. We're only getting stronger" you say and kiss him again. "I love you, Daniel"

"I love you, so much" he says touching your foreheads. "Let me get something to clean you up, then we can cuddle the rest of the night"

"You're the only guy I know that likes cuddling this much" you smile getting up from him. He hisses a bit at the sensation but gets up right after you.

"You don't have to worry about other guys' preferences" he says rolling his eyes. Yep. If your thing is low self-esteem and money-related issues, his is definitely jealousy and overall insecurity.

"I don't, silly" you peck him in the lips. He seems to relax a bit and when he comes back from the bathroom his phone lights up, he goes to check on it after passing you the towel.

"Charles just texted Charlottes contact. I'll forward it to you, okay?"

"Yep" you answered and it was your phone's turn to light up. "Can I confess something?" you asked him, adjusting your clothes.

"Hum?"

"I'm really excited to hang out with her tomorrow. I kind of miss girl company during the GPs and even when I'm here in Monaco and you're busy" he smiled and put a shirt on.

"Look at you, making friends! How cute"

"Shut up" you playfully pushed him, while you guys climbed into bed. You texted her 'hello' and Daniel's address before locking your phone and adjusting in his arms. There's still a lot to figure out and you weren't sure you'd be able to handle the money thing any better. You hoped so, after all, you didn't know how much more Daniel can be understanding. But you could think about all that another time. Right now life was good in the arms of the man you loved and loved you back. You felt safe.

.

.

Tag list (this is so fancy! I've never done a tag list before haha): @scotlynaurora @your-favourite-blonde @unicornfairytail @c-d-9

@isntmadrid @lharrietg @sassybatflowerpaper

[bored-storyteller]

Okay, I can't find where this request went anymore, but I'm sure it existed (or I wouldn't have written this). I'm going to try to look again in the mail. Anyway, our boys (Vil, Azul, Leona) a little sad and the reader comforting them with hugs.

54- Twisted Wonderland, Vil, Azul, Leona x Reader

His life isn't that easy. Back straight, head up, be elegant, be polite, never show the weight that falls on your shoulders. This is Vil's life, nothing more, nothing less.

As beautiful as a marble statue, a precious object that can only be admired, not touched. Sometimes he himself forgets that he is human.

It's hard to never break down, it's hard to keep up appearances, and you make it more difficult. You, the most precious thing he has.

He should feel free with you, right? Isn't that the cliché of every love story? But he can't really know, he's always the bad guy in stories.

So even with you it is the appearance that counts him, because you love him for that, right? It's not like there's much more to him than just his appearance - and apparently not even that is enough to give him any real value.

He is tired, that's why he has such negative thoughts. A restful sleep and the next day it will be a fragrant flower again, but it is still early to go to sleep.

"Vil?" Your angelic voice rouses him. You are there, stuck a few steps behind him, you look at him doubtfully and his heart trembles. Oh, did you notice too much wrinkle in his expression?

"Vil." You call his name again, and he is already preparing to tell you how tiring his day has been to clear the doubts that are likely creeping into you.

Vil is not someone used to being touched, he is a precious work of art after all, yet he is convinced that even a caress from you could at that moment bring him relief. But he has to keep up appearances.

"My dear?" His questioning smile tries not to be too guilty under your worried eyes that scrutinize him.

After a few seconds of silence, you are moving. You are slow, yet fast. Your arms slide gently under his, and your body tightens to his chest. Your warmth invades him as your face seeks refuge under his chin, lovingly rubbing your nose against his neck.

"It's cold ..." You murmur, and this is the justification you use, but he knows that you have only read inside him, and you have simply taken some of his weight for you.

"You smell good." You continue, while his arms hold you slowly, in a silent request for affection.

“Oh yeah… it's a new perfume you know? I thought…"

"Yes, that perfume is good too, but you also smell of something else."

He just walks away, so that his purple eyes can look for the answer in yours for that doubt you have posed to him. There is no need for him to ask, he knows that you will give him the answer.

"The scent of Vil." Your cheerful and affectionate smile erases all poison from his heart, and he smiles at you as he does not smile at anyone else as he silently welcomes you back against him.

Who knows, maybe with you appearances are completely useless.

 

A faint sigh comes from the dorm leader's lips to confide only in the air the pressure he is feeling inside him.

He is an excellent trader, a businessman, an excellent speaker and a perfect gentleman. Is not enough. He is never enough, and he probably never will be.

Sometimes the slander and contempt of many also burn him. Not everyone looks favorably on him, Azul knows, it's the price he himself chose to pay - at least he got something in return, right?

He isn't sure. Days like this, flat and heavy, occasionally bring back the most latent insecurities of him. Not that he shows it, only his eyes barely reflect the weight in his heart if you look at them carefully.

You are a relief, usually. Like every day he waits for you to come and greet him, but more than every day he would like to drop everything else, take you in his arms and hold you there. Yet despite his appearances he is still so shy. Sometimes even your gaze makes him blush, you know it, and you also know how much he cares about his figure and his representation in front of others, so you never take a step too far towards him, and he never has the courage to ask.

"Azul?"

Your voice finally reaches his ears, your bright eyes peeking through the crack of the half-open door before you allow yourself to enter.

"Oh, here you are ... give me a second, I'm almost done." His voice is as firm and calm as ever. He doesn't look at you, it's not strange, but the way he bows his head to avoid you sends you strange meanings.

He doesn't have the courage to look at you, the need he has for you makes him feel ashamed. A child who needs pampering, that's what he is at that moment. A nullity in front of you.

He feels you close, you are next to his chair, standing, looking at him. You don't move away, and he understands that you want his attention, he won't be able to ignore you for long.

"Do you need something?" He finally asks you, and his eyes force them to lift to your face, and he is surprised when he sees you smiling.

You just stare at him for a few moments, without giving him an answer, and then suddenly your arms are around his shoulders, his cheek gently resting on your shoulder.

"I missed you, Azul!" Your light but cheerful voice caresses his ear, while you hug him protectively, full of affection.

"We only met last night ..." he murmurs, in a tone that wanders between wonder and relief.

“I know, but I don't care. I missed you." You confirm again, as you make your way into his lap and let him hold you.

Your weight on him is reassuring, your touch and your presence welcoming.

"I can't hide anything from you, right?" He whispers in your ear, as if he is afraid of being heard by others, even if only the two of you exist in the room.

"No, I would say no." You mutter satisfied, snuggling up to him.

 

Usually he is so good at silencing that part of him, but when that black feeling arises it feels like a living being inside him struggling to get out and leave him weak, empty, mocked. He always swallows it, never allows it to peek out. Sometimes it curls up in the stomach, other times in the lungs, or gets stuck in his ribcage making his heart heavy, almost blocking his breath.

Leona is good at silencing those wounds to his pride, but sometimes it happens that a gesture, a laugh, a word at the wrong time weaken his defenses, taking him away from the already heavy looks of others.

In the greenhouse he is alone with himself. No, he's not there to sleep, he just needs to calm down. For some reason today it is difficult, more than usual. The weight in his chest causes him to hunch over, head bowed, ears down. His hands are left in his lap as he sits hidden among the plants, he almost seems to be meditating. Calm down, calm down, calm your anger. It is what he repeats to himself like a mantra as he listens to his own breath. Nobody can beat you, nobody can hurt you.

No, no one is going to hurt him - no one thinks he's worth hurting, do they? All that he is, all that he knows he is worth, is always trampled on, torn to pieces, thrown away by others, as if it were of no use.

"Caught!"

Your weight is never too violent against his sturdy back, but his surprise causes him to lean forward slightly.

You laugh as your hands gently tighten around his neck, and he growls.

"Idiot! Are you crazy ?! " His words are acidic, but by now you've got used to it. You are the only one who can ever afford to do such a thing with him, you are the only one he can forgive.

He doesn't realize it right away, but that little leap to his heart you gave him has suddenly lightened his mind. He only knows when your arms go away from him.

Wait, stay still.

That thought unexpectedly reaches his mind, but he is quickly kicked out. He won't beg for mercy, not even from you, especially with you.

Still, even if he doesn't speak, your weight doesn't stray too far. Your arms now slowly encircle his stomach as you drop relaxed on his back, like a lion cub on his father's back.

With your head resting behind his ribcage, Leona knows you're listening to his heartbeat. He knows this because he is listening to you too, he listens to your breath which naturally coordinates with the muscle moving slow and powerful in his chest. And then he understands that you understand his need that he pretends not to have.

"You are so strong, Leona."

And that's enough.

A light sigh caresses his lips: "Of course I'm strong, otherwise you-"

"I'd be fine!" You defend yourself, knowing full well where he wants to hit.

You don't see him, but a proud smile is painted on his face as he continues on his way: "Otherwise you would have already been eaten by now."

[nobodybetterlookatme]

🤧🛏😪for sick blaire?

Thanks for the prompt request!! I'm glad y'all are liking my characters and writing ^-^

As requested, sneezes, warm blankets, and sniffles for Blaire

Blaire’s nose had been running non stop the entire day, and sitting at her desk completing her assignments, she'd resigned herself to sniffling and wiping her nose on her sweatshirt. She didn't feel terrible, though, and decided to keep working until she couldn’t anymore. "Hih- hih’SCHiew! h’CHiew!" She covered her nose with a sweater paw, then sniffled again, the sound loose and liquid and doing nothing to clear her sinuses.

Rowan looked over his shoulder at her, and raised a brow. "You okay?" She had been sniffling the whole evening, and now, it seemed like she was starting to sneeze.

"I'm fine," she replied, not looking over at him. "I think it's just dusty over here. I really need to clean my desk." She laughed, then sniffled again before rubbing her nose on her sleeve again.

He squinted at her suspiciously, and stood up from his desk, closing the distance between them. He stood behind her and placed his hand on her forehead, then smoothed her hair back and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. He couldn’t tell if she was warm or not, and elected to simply keep an eye on her for the night. "You sure you're okay?" He asked again, leaning down and kissing her shoulder. "You know you can tell me if you're not."

"I know," she hummed, leaning against him and tilting her head back so she could kiss his jaw. "But I really feel fine." Even if she wasn't, she had an exam in the morning and another in the afternoon, and she couldn't afford to miss either of them.

Satisfied with that, Rowan sighed and nodded, then walked back to his desk to continue working. He was a bit concerned when Blaire’s sniffling wouldn’t let up, even when the lights were out and they’d turned in for the night. When he finally fell asleep, it was to the sound of his girlfriend’s incessant sniffles.

“h’CHiew!” Blaire startled herself awake with a sneeze, hoping that she hadn’t woken Rowan up. Luckily for her, she hadn’t, and got ready for the day as quietly as she could. She was more tired and achy than she had been the night before, and she didn’t feel quite warm enough, but she supposed that she would just have to push through it. Her nose was a streaming mess by the time she left her dorm, and a ‘h’iSCHiew!’ left a mess of sticky snot on the cuff of her sweatshirt sleeve. She probably should’ve grabbed some tissues before heading out, but it was too late for that now. She had a class to get to and an exam to take. And besides, she reasoned, her sweatshirt worked just fine.

Her first exam went well, but as the day went on, she was feeling more and more tired, and it was getting harder to control her sneezes. She wished more than anything that she was back in her dorm; the classrooms were so cold, and she wanted to take a hot shower before crawling into bed. She would've called it a day after walking out of her afternoon class, but she had her last exam for the day in an hour, and she couldn't miss it. Blaire knew she should spend the time studying, but she had already spent so much time going over the material, and she needed a break. She texted Rowan to meet her at their usual cafe.

Rowan was more than a little surprised to get a text from Blaire when he knew her classes weren't over, but gave her an affirmative response and headed over. The moment he saw her slumped over at one of the tables, he knew something was wrong. "Oh, darling, you don't look well at all," he sighed, cradling her face in his hands and making her look at him. Her fever had set in by then, and Rowan could feel heat radiating off of her that he couldn't feel the night before. "You've definitely got a bit of a temperature now… we should get you back to the dorm."

She shook her head. "I have another exam. Can't miss it," she replied, looking rather upset about it. "I just wanted to see you for a bit b-before I- I- hih’SCHiew! h’SCHiew! h’SCHiew! h’CHiew! h’iCHiew! h’CHiew! h’SCHiew!" She sneezed into her sleeve-covered hand, letting out a soft, congested 'guh' before sniffling pitifully.

Rowan frowned, and reached over to give her shoulder a comforting squeeze. "Are you sure you're up for taking that exam? I'm sure you can make it up."

"Can't. Professor already said he won't let us make this one up. And I can't skip it."

His frown deepened, and he took one of Blaire’s hands, bringing it to his lips and softly kissing her fingers. "Alright, how about this," he said gazing into her eyes. "You go to class and take that exam, I'll go buy some cold meds and tissues, then you come right back to the dorm and I'll help you relax for the rest of the evening. That sound okay?"

Blaire thought for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah, that sounds nihh- that sounds nice. h’CHiew! h’CHiew! H’SCHiew! h’CHiew! h’iSCHiew! h’iSCHiew! H’CHiew!" She was all too aware of the dirty looks she was getting, and ducked her head in shame, her cheeks burning with embarrassment.

Rowan glanced around, then looked at Blaire, scooping her into a comforting hug. “Come on, let’s get out of here,” he murmured into her hair, helping her stand, grabbing her bag, and ushering her out of the cafe. He sat her down on a bench, then settled down beside her, reaching into one of his pockets for a tissue. He pulled one out of the travel pack and held it to Blaire’s nose. “Blow.”

She complied, blowing her nose into the tissue, letting out a couple irritated coughs when she was done. “Thanks,” she murmured, leaning against him and shivering. “I should start heading to class soon…”

“In a minute.” He held her close, kissing her temple every time she sniffled. “Are you certain you have to go to class? The lecture halls are so cold, and you’re already coming down with something.”

She nodded sadly. “Yeah. But it’s just one more class,” she said, wiping her nose on her sleeve. “Besides, it’s just a little cold. It’s not- hih- not that bad. hih’CHiew! h’iCHIEW! h’SCHiew! Ugh…” She sniffled again, slumping against Rowan.

“Still, you don’t wanna make this any worse. Just.. be careful, alright?”

Blaire smiled up at him, a playful sparkle in her eyes. “Aw, don’t tell me you’re worried about me,” she teased, grabbing one of the straps of her backpack. “I’ll be fine.” She stood up and threw her backpack over her shoulders.

“I never worry.” He paused for a few beats, then gave her a shy smile. “I.. might make an exception for you, though. And, hey, at least take these.” He handed her the travel pack of tissues from his pocket, then kissed her forehead. “See you in an hour?”

“See you in an hour.” she confirmed, giving him a quick hug before heading to her class. Like Rowan had said, the lecture hall was freezing, and Blaire could barely write clearly with her body trembling the way it was. Between stifling sneezes and keeping a tissue pressed to her chapped nose to keep it from running, taking the exam was a nightmare. She was relieved when she finally finished and handed in her test, ready to head back to her dorm and unwind for the weekend.

Rowan’s eyes met hers when she walked out, and he opened his arms, beckoning her towards him. He pulled her into a tight embrace when she fell into his arms, and kissed the top of her head. “Hey,” he greeted, sliding her backpack off her shoulders and putting it on himself. “Figured I’d come rescue you. Hope you don’t mind.”

“Not at all,” she murmured, resting her head against his chest. “Mmm… you’re warm.”

“So are you, unfortunately.” He scooped her up, holding her securely in his arms. “You just relax now, alright?”

She wanted to shake her head and insist that she could walk just fine on her own, but she felt safe and protected, so she wrapped her arms around his neck and nuzzled her face into his collarbone. She sniffled a few times before her breath began hitching. “Hih- hih- hih-iCHiew! h’CHiew! h’SCHiew! h’SCHiew! h’iSCHiew! h’iCHiew! h’CHiew! h’CHiew!” A fit of warm, wet sneezes sprayed against Rowan’s chest, and she sniffled miserably when her nose finally stopped tickling.

He held her tighter when she shivered and pressed in closer to his body. “Hang on Blaire-bear, we’re almost back,” he assured her. He climbed up the stairs to their dorm, then set her on her feet so he could unlock the door. He opened it and ushered her inside and to the bathroom for a much-needed warm shower. While she was busy showering, he poured her a dose of cold medication, and left it for her by the sink. He could hear his poor Blaire sneezing her head off in the shower as he shuffled around their dorm, moving all of the blankets and pillows to his bed. He turned his head when Blaire stepped out of the bathroom; the poor woman looked so exhausted, and her nose was bright red. “Come here, darling.”

Blaire stumbled over to him, all but collapsing into his warm embrace. “I don’t think I feel very well…” she mumbled into his chest, her congested voice slightly muffled.

“You don’t sound very well, either,” Rowan agreed, picking her up once more and setting her down in the nest of blankets and pillows he’d made. “But, hey, you get to relax for the weekend. And I’ll be right here to take care of you.”

“You’re the sweetest,” she murmured, giving him a soft smile before her nostrils started flaring again, and she ducked her face into the blankets. “hih-CHiew! h’CHiew! h’iCHiew! h’iCHiew! h’SCHiew! h’SCHiew! Hih- hih-iCHiew!”

Rowan joined his sniffly, sneezy girlfriend under the blankets, and gently wiped her nose with a tissue. “Poor thing, your nose is so red,” he commented, sitting behind her and wrapping his arms around his waist. “Are you hungry at all? Tired?”

Blaire shook her head. “I just don’t feel good, and I wanna cuddle for a while.” She leaned against him, pressing her back against his chest. “h’iCHiew! Guh…”

“We can definitely cuddle, bear,” he replied, nuzzling his face into her shoulder and trailing soft kisses along her fevered skin from her shoulder to her neck. “You just relax and rest up a bit. I’ve got you.”

She sighed contentedly, allowing her eyes to flutter shut. Maybe the head cold she’d come down with was making her miserable, but she had Rowan, and he always managed to make everything seem better. If nothing else, at least she could cuddle with him under the warm blankets until she was feeling better. To her, that sounded like a perfect plan.

[minyoongees]

FANTASY || JHS

✧ pairing: boyfriend!hoseok x reader

✧ genre: crack, smut 

✧ word count: 1.4k

✧ summary: When Hoseok hears the shower running, he can’t help but let his fantasies run wild.

✧ snip: “Who is the intruder in the bathroom he just had potential sex with

✧ warnings: mentions of oc’s body parts in sexual ways, mention of hobi’s body parts in sexual ways, doggy style, begging, hair pulling, mild edging, mentions of an intruder, oc being waaayyy too close to her sister (yes this counts as a warning, y’all single child won’t get it), embarrassing situations

I’d be glad to know what you think of this! 

The sound of keys jiggling fills up the empty hallways, practiced hands opening the lock within seconds. It opens with a creak and he cringes. For any sound from him could alert you of his presence and it could shatter his plans of scaring you.

He tip toes inside, softly sliding the keys into his dress pants' pocket. He strides forward slowly to your room, hoping to find you sitting on the vanity so he can scare you enough for you to mess up your eyeliner (he's pure evil and he knows that).

But an empty room and the sound of the shower running bums him out.

“Y/n baby we're gonna be late this way!” He calls out in the general direction of the shower door.

He lifts his arm to look at the watch on his wrist, “It's 7 already! We'll miss our reservation, just try to be quick yeah? I'm waiting outside in your room.”

So much for scaring you, he's got the scare now. They'd cancel the reservation he worked so hard on to book. It's not really a special day, but it really is. It's the same day 2 years ago you and him had sex for the first time after 3 months of dating. Now it wouldn't be something that special, you see (at least not special enough to work a month overtime to afford that expensive restaurant). But you had such explosive sex that day, you couldn't let this opportunity go now.

That day he made you cum 4 times, discovered your love for his tongue and discovered how you it makes you go dizzy when he chokes you a little. He loves to see your ass jiggle when he hits it from behind,

“Hobi, please-”

“What is it baby, what do you want”

You didn't even know what you were begging for, your head was empty except for Hoseok's dick and the way he was making you feel.

“What do you want?” he growled again with a particular sharp thrust of his hips and even any slight thought you might have had, flew out the window. The pleasure made your muscles relax to the point it was hard to speak. So he took the hint for himself.

He grabbed your hair, pulled your back to his chest and began grinding in you. The sudden change in positions had his dick grazing your insides from an angle that gave you the leverage to come back to reality. You moaned and whined so loud at the sensation. The knot in your stomach was loosening up, you were losing your orgasm but you were still so on the edge of it. You whined again, tryna back up into him and he, just chuckled. He chuckled. At your misery. That's right.

But before you could do something about it, Hoseok started thrusting again at a fast set pace.

“Good girls don't whine y/n and you know it, they take what's given to them” He growled.

He snakes his arm around your waist, fingers to your clit and other hand lingering on your neck. He bends you forward and hits right at the spot which makes you go limp in his arms. Any smart reply on your tongue is swallowed back down. Your orgasm creeping back up on you, leaving goosebumps in its wake.

“This is hands down the best sex I've had”

That's what you said to him in the heat of the moment and he hasn't forgotten it ever since. Even in the later hours it kept him wondering what exactly was it that he did to make you feel this way. Though he couldn't pin it exactly, but whatever was it he did, it only got better. Maybe it was the day you got to know one another' s body more, or got more comfortable with each other, but it really did change the way you look at each other now.

He can still hear the shower running. But he's got something else on his mind now.

He lifts himself off your bed and walks to your bathroom door and leans on one shoulder there.

“Hey sweetie!” He calls out, and waits for you to answer.

The shower stops running and he's met with complete silence. He knows you're listening.

“Remember the time you said I was the best sex you've ever had?” Yes, he knows he's twisting your words around, but he cannot bring himself to care enough.

“That was when I tried chocking you for the first time, you were so submissive for me, eyes all droopy. You couldn't even talk all your smart comebacks died down in your throat. Oh I remember the way your ass jiggled and the way you moaned so much, like, it's the most motherfucking beautiful sound I've heard in my life,” getting father away into his memories he didn't even realize when he started to palm himself in his pants.

“Oh I can't wait to see you tonight in that red satin dress of yours. You always look like such a sin, always so submissive for me, making me feel proud that they all know who you belong to.” he violently palms himself, his own hammy fantasies taking him too far. He couldn't think straight. Not right now when all his blood from his brain had rushed to his dick.

“I can't wait to come home and taste your lips like champagne, can't wait to pepper kisses all over your chest and thighs, eat you like the three course meal you are and kiss your fingertips—”

He seemed so adamant on fucking you that the time constraint seemed nothing like a problem to him anymore. But before he could execute it-

The keys jiggle again and he hears the familiar creak of your door opening. Wait- Who else had your keys?

He runs outside the bedroom to find you setting the groceries down on the table.

If you're here then who's in the bathroom taking a shower he just had potential sex with??

Automatically, he assumes the worst when all the blood rushes back to his brain.

“Oh hey Hoseok, when did you get here?” You chime.

“y/n!”

You turn to him startled and he grips your shoulders tight.

“y/n listen to me, now don't panic and listen,” he said, a little too exasperated for him not to be panicking himself “there is an intruder in your house and he's in the shower, I have no idea who he is but you lock the door and I'll call 911, it's okay we don't have to panic—”

“Wait what? The intruder is showering?” you question, like it's the stupidest thing ever, because it is!

“What are you talking about?” you laugh and say.

You took in his form, his formal shirt and those dress pants, silver hoops dangling from his ears, his blonde hair styled back. A small smile arose your lips at the sight of him.

“You forgot didn't you?” you take his hands off your hands and hold them in your hands, “Baby remember how I postponed our date to tomorrow 2 weeks ago because Jisoo was coming over?”

He turns his head back to look at her head peeking out of the door, hair dripping wet, tryna hold in a laugh.

You both look at each and start laughing. Hoseok drags himself to the couch, embarrassed, "Yeah yeah laugh all you want”

He hides his face in his palms and calls out "Noona you should've said something!” his voice muffled.

“Oh it was too funny to stop you, with all the ass jiggling and the three course meal” She laughs again.

“Wait, what?” You question “What happened here?”

Great that's what he needed now.

“Oh nothing sweetie, come here” he pulls you to him with your wrists,”I might've said something about how I wanted to fuck you tonight because I thought it was you in the shower.” He says in a small voice into your skin. Even saying it out loud now makes his skin crawl.

He can hear Jisoo laughing again with you as you place yourself next to him on the couch. You take his hand from between his palms and press a soft kiss on his cheek

You take the moment to put your lips next to his ear and whisper,"Don't worry, it'd be better than your fantasy”

[lilkermit14]

Jay is from the show Red Widow and unfortunately he's not really known 😅 At first I wanted to ask for Jack but I had no idea of ​​the details for the story... Maybe he had to leave reader because of his job, but he loves her too much and decides to come back and find out that she is pregnant (a baby girl) I know, it's not original but i can't imagine anything else for this charming cowboy 🥺

Whole (Jack Daniels x Fem!reader)

Notes: Idk why I struggled so hard to write this fic but here she is in all her glory........yay. Not as smutty as per usual to prove I’m not a total whore but here ya go

Summary: after your life is threatened unbeknownst to you, whiskey takes it upon himself to protect you the only way he thinks he can––by leaving you. but what his cowboy brain doesn’t for see, is that he’s doing both of you more damage than good especially after a happy little accident. 

warnings: brief description of smut and aftercare (like the La Croix of smut but still no minors), ANGSTTTTTTT, rOUGH, unplanned pregnancy, a slap, and a happy ending

Jack should have known the first time he wasn’t meant to have this kind of happiness—the kind where one could always have someone to return home to at the end of the day. No, he couldn’t have it with his late wife and he couldn’t have it with you either.

The human trafficker had somehow gotten access to personal statesmen information, because he had found out about you. Had your name. Had shown him pictures of you. Had shown that men were waiting at your doorstep if Jack didn’t back down now.

Thankfully, they were able to stop the man before it came to any of that—but it broke something in Jack. He couldn’t have another woman he loves die like his wife. He didn’t know if he could handle it. You didn’t even know about Jack’s real job, all you knew was that he was the CEO of a distillery and you never asked questions about that. Maybe it was easier keeping it like that, as Jack realized the only way to keep you safe was to leave you.

He had picked a night, picked a place to head out to after it was all over, and planned out the note. He had made love to you one last time before leaving—slowly savoring the way your skin felt pressed against him and the way it felt to have your walls drag against him when he thrusted, and finally stilled deep inside you. He made sure to take care of you before he left, clean with all sore muscles rubbed out and well hydrated—comfortable as you could be. You fell asleep so easily it somehow made Jack more guilty for what he thought was the right thing. He stayed longer than he should have after he wrote the note and got dressed, bag packed by the door, just staring at you, attempting to memorize the sound of your soft noises as you slept and the way your naked body looked covered by the sheets and pale moonlight. It was the most beautiful scene he had ever seen and wanted it to be the clearest memory he had of you. Tears sprung in his eyes, thinking that this is the only thing he will ever have of love—memories. He kissed your forehead one last time before walking out of your life forever.

*****************************

Jack hasn’t felt alive since, the toll of leaving you behind eating at him more than he ever thought it could. He’s changed in a way and everyone knows it—they see the way he moves or speaks now and know something has changed. He just goes through the motions of living with no actual life in his eyes to prove he is alive. He throws himself into his work working through cases and bad guys more efficiently than ever, but it doesn’t distract him from losing you—not when he lies awake at night crying and missing you.

Everyone around him changes too—Tequila doesn’t tease him anymore and walks around him like they’re threading through a room full of broken glass. Ginger does more medical evaluations—ones that are less to do with physical health and more to do with mental health. Most of all—champ acts different, “son—“

Jack pauses from exiting the debriefing room after giving Champ a status report and picking up another case, “I’m wondering if you should take a few days off from wo—“

“No,” Jack says curt and without a single space for bargaining. Champ is stiff when Jack looks at him, “I know you're wallowing over that girl.”

“I did what I had to do and I’m going to continue doing it.” Jack reminds him, staying steadfast in his decision. Champ shakes his head, “and it’s tearing you apart—statesmen get threats like that all the time Whiskey and they don’t go deserting their relatives or loved ones—“

“Well they're not me,” Jack states his stare is cold as he looks down at Champagne, “I can’t lose another person like that again.”

“You’ve lost her by leaving her,” his words cut through him and he knows it’s the truth, but it’s not something stubborn ol Jack is willing to withstand. Jack turns to leave again, “I’ll be off on the case.”

*****************************

You can’t help but pick up one of the sandwiches from the various food carts before they go out. It’s too tempting after standing for hours on your feet with a six month old pregnancy belly on your front—one you’re rubbing as you enjoy the taste of the mozzarella, pesto, and tomato together. The father of your child disappeared before you could even tell him—fitting considering you never grew up with a father in your house. So it has just been you and your baby girl, and well your best friend and business partner that was walking towards you now, joking “are the sandwiches up to your standards?”

“I needed something to eat after four hours of standing and being pregnant Travis,” you contest, taking another big bite. He shrugs with some sort of understanding, looking over the trays of food with you and approving them before they go off. Travis randomly starts, “I don’t think we should try to have this client again.”

You turn, finishing your sandwich with an eyebrow raise, “why? Did someone from the company say something to you—“

“Not that—although I was worried when the CEO invited his childhood priest—” he notes sending off the last tray, “I get bad vibes from the company itself.”

You think about it for a moment agreeing that something was fishy about the way a family-owned soap company was able to afford such a lavish event—something was a little off. You nod, “maybe not—I don’t want to get too close to a company that's a front. I doubt they would want us back because they’ve fired every event planner they’ve had before and the CEO’s wife already complained that the flower garnishes weren’t the correct shade of maroon.”

“We just have to finish the job then and we’ll be scott free” Travis mutters checking his watch, “just a couple hours left—what could go wrong?”

As though you were in a badly made comedy, right as Travis says that you hear clatter and gunshots come from the main event area, “......I spoke too soon didn’t I?”

*********************

Vincent Marsulio had tried to make a run for it once he realized his plans to run a million dollar drug business had gone to shit—I mean a soap company as a front? Really? Jack had dodged gunfire, tequila and the new agent rum covering him—allowing him to use his lasso to drag Vincent into Statesmen custody.

The scene was under control now—with agents and Ginger’s crime scene investigators gathering follow up information and evidence. Jack was just there to make sure the scene stayed secure and that no witnesses ran off that were revealed to be involved. Scanning the crowds of those being interviewed is when he saw you.

He should have known you were here—he should have seen your touches in the flower displays, the food selections, the drapery, and the table cloths. You were a party planner, he should have made note of that. You’re the same as the images in his mind—the memories that flash through his mind whenever he gets a flicker of your perfume or hears a laugh that sounds like yours. The only thing that's changed about you is your stomach—there's a sizable baby bump there, and he mumbles to himself “no…”

It had been seven months—seven months since he left you. It had to be his. He left you pregnant. As though you heard the gears turning in his head you turn and make eye contact with him—freezing in your place. He has to talk to you now, but you make efforts to move away, running towards a stairwell to get away from him as he shouts your name.

************

Despite being seven months pregnant you make a good chase, ducking down the stairwell and moving as fast as your swollen ankles will carry you while he shouts for you behind you. You can’t see him right now, he left, he doesn’t deserve this. Your condition must somewhat get the best of you as you end up stumbling on a landing—slowing down enough for him to catch up. You knew it was futile after all he ran faster than you even when you weren’t pregnant.

He grabs your wrist before you can go any farther, pulling you towards his body—only for you to wack a big slap to the side of his face, “how dare you—you asshole.”

“You're pregnant?” He asks quick as hell, and you frown still jabbing hits at him, “Why else am I so fucking big dickhead.”

He pulls you closer in an effort to restrain you from hitting him and from running away at any point, “is it mine?”

You had been avoiding looking at his face the entire portion of the ordeal—not wanting to see the face of the man that abandoned you. But you end up looking anyway and feel the tears spring up in your eyes. Despite the fact he left you you still feel love for him in your heart. You can’t lie to him, “it is.”

“Sugar, I’m—“ he breathes out, struck in the moment by every error he’s made in the past few months knowing he should have stayed, “I’m so sorry, please let me explain why I did what I did.”

You don’t respond just letting him speak at his own will as he settles you two down to sit on the steps of the stair. Jack tells you about his job, his wife, and the scare he had that just accumulated to him feeling like he had to leave to keep you safe. You had known about his late wife but none of the details about the affair and understood just why he was so afraid—but he still acted like an idiot. Head in hands, “why did you keep everything hidden from me Jack, I mean you lied to me about your job––no wonder I was able to find you after I found out, I was stuck looking for Jack Daniels brewery CEO instead of Jack Daniels statesmen.”

You got him there, “I should have––everyone told me I should have told you.” Silence emanates between the two of you, “I know sorry doesn’t make up for all I did––I don’t know if I can ever make up for what I did, but give me a chance because I want to be there for you and the kid–I love you sweet pea.”

Tears spring from your eyes, “I love you too Jack, we’ll figure it out I promise.”

Jack pulls you into his arms whispering what sounds like a thousand thank you’s for you and the girl in your belly, “it’s a girl you know.”

“A girl…” Jack trails off with a smile gleaming on his face and some unspoken joy in his eyes, that shifts into something of deep regret, “I was almost like him I don’t ever wanna be like him”

“You won’t.” you state firm and jack pulls away to cup your face and wipe away the errant tears still streaming down your face, “can I kiss you darling?”

“Please,” and with that the lips you have missed meld on to yours. After months, both alone and apart, both you and Jack feel a sense of security that everything will be alright––that your little family is finally whole.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m sorry that its bad....

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