#and waste all of your money because you trust stupid fucking ai

[lesbianwyllravengard]

This isn't like. a DANGEROUS misinformation or anything, it's just so weird. Like IMDb blatantly states Tom Lewis is the voice of King Aelfred, and Allan Corduner is Trygve (two wildly different characters). I don't understand where the ai got this info. Like again not scary or dangerous but still just so blatantly wrong it just. I'm appalled that people still think ai is in any way reliable.

[butch-bakugo]

Why are vetted accounts sending people stuff like this.

I mean it's clearly copy-pasted and sent to multiple people but this isn't even a donations ask. Imma guess the reason people aren't responding is because you're accusing them of not doing enough for Palestine and sending it to multiple people who you clearly don't check because I've been posting about and for Palestine since oct 7th when I learned about it.

Also yes he is looking for donations, you can check his account and find it. Why are you sending this guilt trippy stuff to people and accusing them of not caring enough? You don't know me? You send these to multiple people so your clearly not checking the account in question. This dose nothing to help you personally or the Palestinian cause, it just pisses people off and makes them question vetters.

[starkeristheendgame]

If you are okay with it, I was wondering if you could do a body switch soulmate au. When you first make eye contact with your soulmate you switch bodies. You stay in each other's bodies for 24 hours. I feel like this could cause some shenanigans on both sides. Tony hasn't had to be taught anything in awhile and Peter doesn't know how to run a company.

I was a little apprehensive about this idea at first but honestly? I adore it. I am afraid, however, I took this away from the ‘humor’ pathway and plopped it straight down into ‘light angst’. Please accept my apologies for that - And I’d be happy to write something more lighthearted if this doesn’t hit the spot. Keeping your own emotions and mindset out of what you write is hard sometimes. 

Slight AU in that they meet differently to CW. 

TW: Light angst | Slight hurt 

He was going to lose his fucking mind. He could feel each one of his IQ points disintegrating as he stared at the board (an actual digital board, what fucking year were they in? 2015?) and tapped his pen restlessly on the desk. He hadn’t been to school since he was eighteen. The last time he’d been in a classroom was January, giving a motivational speech to Princeton graduates. 

He felt too small and too stifled and if this woman pronounced Epinephrine wrong one more time, he was going to launch his desk at her and snap that stupid board in half. 

Because he could do that, now. Displays of sheer power. Because Peter Parker had been bitten by a genetically modified spider and Tony was currently occupying Peter’s body. 

Soulmates were so, so overrated. 

“Hey, wonder kid. Tap that pen one more time” the girl to his left whispered, and Tony shot her a cool side-eye. MJ quirked a brow at him, equally unimpressed, and nodded to the board. Tony scowled but knew the effect was ruined by the soft, pretty baby-face he currently wore. Curse Peter and his lopsided brows and his huge eyes. Curse soulmates for existing. 

MJ was thus far the only one who’d noticed The Switch. It was only sheer coincidence that Peter and Tony both had brown eyes of a similar enough shade that the telling switch of eye colour between soulmates hadn’t given them away. MJ, however, was astoundingly attuned into her best friend, and it had only taken three minutes in her presence for her scowl at him and ask who the fuck was wearing her friend’s meatsuit. Tony had to begrudgingly admit that he could see why her and Peter were good friends. She’d looked unimpressed at his claim until he’d pulled out his (Peter’s) phone to show the frantic texts from that morning, and then she’d huffed, rolled her eyes, and dragged him to first period. 

He thought lunch would be a reprieve when it came, but instead he found himself staring with growing dismay at a tray of food that he’d refuse even if he was a prisoner, blanching in disgust when a sloppy excuse for a mac’n’cheese was dumped into one of the slots. “I’m going to die” he complained, ushered along by an unsympathetic MJ. “This is cruel. This is inhumane. Dogs don’t even get fed this”. 

“Yeah, well. You’re a billionaire, so. Put up or shut up. I have no sympathy for capitalist elitists”. And, wow, rude. But understandable. He sank down onto one of the bench seats and tried to stop his stomach from rolling at the way the meal wobbled when it was set down. He’d been poking at it for several moments, largely ignored by MJ, when a shadow fell over his table. He looked up and stared with disinterest at the sneering figure above him, before he sighed. 

“Which one are you, then? Neb? Flake?” 

“Flash” the form above him frowned, and Tony waved a dismissive hand. 

“Yeah, whatever. Class killed off half my IQ points and I’m not wasting the rest on you. Off you pop”. He turned back to his pitiful excuse of a meal, prodding the macaroni distrustfully with his fork. The boy besides him gaped, flustered, before turning on his heel and stomping off. When Tony glanced up, the girl was looking appraisingly over her book at him. 

“Maybe you should leave your balls behind. Peter could do with them” she noted, before dropping her gaze again. 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

“How much money does he actually have?” 

“Sir’s total net worth including assets, liabilities and investments are currently estimated at just short of a trillion, Mr. Parker. In terms of ‘real time currently’ Sir has £515,268,385,012 as of the current hour”. 

Peter was gonna pass out. He was wearing the body of a man with five-hundred billion in the bank. He’d known Tony Stark was rich, obscenely and un-necessarily so, but that was a whole other level. Vaguely unsteady, he sank down on the plush couch, feeling a little green. It had already been a few hours since waking, but he had yet to get used to the fact that he was, for all intents and purposes, Tony Stark. 

“Does that bother you?” The artificial voice asked after a moment, sounding impossibly curious. Peter hadn’t thought AI of this level possible, but here he was, talking to a voice that was more realistic than some of the living people he knew. 

“Its...A shock, I guess. I mean, it does bother me, I suppose. Nobody needs that much money. That much cold cash alone could eradicate homelessness in America. But...I don’t know. Its his money, he earns it. He saves the world and stuff. I don’t know how you could put a value on some of the things he’s done”. 

The AI was quiet for a moment, pensive. “Sir’s ‘profession’ is high cost also, Mr. Parker. The worth of the Mark IVII alone is £6,000,500,000”. Peter thought about it for a moment, then gave in, humming softly. He supposed in that sense, having that much money kind of didn’t matter, then, when a huge chunk of it was consumed by saving the world. He’d seen how often that suit got dinged up, and had no doubt repairs and replacing parts was costly. 

“Am I allowed to get something to eat?” He asked after a moment, stomach rumbling a little. He’d spent so much time this morning freaking out and being consoled by JARVIS that he’d missed breakfast and lunch had slipped him by. 

“Of course, Mr. Parker. Several components of the kitchen are automated, but I am capable of guiding through any recipes or devices you are unfamiliar with”. 

JARVIS had apparently activated something called ‘Romeo and Juliet Protocol’ when it had been revealed that Tony had been Switched, and a large majority of the Tower was closed off and protected. Peter couldn’t leave the penthouse and JARVIS had strict control of everything, even down to the doors. Peter was happy enough to just sit there and wait it out, though. As amazing as being here was, snooping was rude, especially when what he could find could potentially compromise the entire world. 

He chose to make a simple, small sandwich which involved nothing more than a single knife and plate, marvelling at the giant fridge and the ridiculous amount of food within. Apparently Mr. Stark had a chef that stopped by once every other day with prepared meals, and was on-call for whenever he required a fresh meal without having to cook it. The produce was organic and far different to the sad, wilting lettuce that could be found at the local Cheap Fresh. 

Technically, if it was plausible, when you Switched you were supposed to follow a specific protocol set up by the Government, but Mr. Stark had ultimately lost his entire mind at discovering his soulmate was fourteen and had immediately demanded Peter stay locked up like Rapunzel while he pretended to be him for the day to throw off suspicion. Peter couldn’t deny that had hurt a little, but he understood it. Soulmates or not it would be the scandal of the century - Tony would be called all sorts of things at best and investigated at worst, and the nature of their age difference meant a lifetime of interference and monitoring by the Government and protective services. He knew it was easier to pretend it hadn’t happened, to hide it from the world. Tony had suggested a private agreement, a ridiculous sum of money in exchange for Peter’s silence. 

He realised he’d been staring morosely at his plate when JARVIS prompted him softly, and he sighed, taking a bite. There was no physical remote for the TV but JARVIS helped him to access a cache of movies and he settled on Inception, his weakness for Tom Hardy and Leonardo DiCaprio soothing the ache of his new reality. 

“Am I allowed to ask what running a business is like?” He asked after a while, head balanced on his palm. 

“In what regard, Mr. Parker?” 

“Well, I don’t know. I mean, I’m fifteen. I don’t know how to run a company, let alone run a company and be a superhero. What kinda stuff does he do? Does he attend meetings? Does he fly around the world on company retreats like in the movies?” 

JARVIS sounded lightly amused when he replied. “Sir has delegated much of the daily company operation amongst several trusted employees, but he is still the namesake, owner and CEO of Stark Industries. He does attend frequent meetings, but most of Sir’s ‘flying around the world’ is done for leisure or Iron Man related activity”. 

“Sir spends most of his time in the lab, conducting important work for both his priorities. Sir also does a respectable amount of charity work, investment work and supportive work. I believe his latest venture is funding the entirety of MIT’s PhD graduate projects”. 

Wow. That was...That would be a lot of money. And being supported by someone like Tony Stark was bound to be something to boast about, something that would fluff up your resume a little. 

“Does he enjoy it?” Peter asked after a moment, fingertips raising absently to the arc reactor in his chest. It ached constantly, a low-level background pain that never quite faded out of touch, the odd sensation of a gaping maw in his chest something that had made him heave earlier that morning. Mr. Stark was tired, burnt out, but still going. It made Peter want to spend his twenty-four hours just sleeping, to try and soothe the man’s headache. 

“Sir finds great gratification in his duties” JARVIS replied quietly, though he did not specify which. Peter gave a hum and succumbed to the desire to nap, curled up on the corner of the couch with Inception fading quietly into the background. 

He ate again when he woke up, and blinked when he saw the time. Mr. Stark’s phone had been heavily locked down, but he could still access the message channel between this number and his own. The messages there were disheartening. 

Told your hot Aunt I’m staying at that Nate kids house tonight. I’ll be coming to the Tower, but you won’t see me. I’ll stay on the level below.

Sorry, kid. Seeing someone else wearing me like a Givenchy suit is just too head-spinning. 

JARVIS will keep you safe up there. We switch back at midnight, so try and get some sleep. You’ll wake up as yourself and I’ll get the plan in motion. 

“JARVIS, when was the last time Mr. Stark cried?” He asked timidly, and the AI was silent for a moment. 

“Four years ago, Mr. Parker”. 

“Oh,” he breathed out, vision blurring. “I’m sorry. I’m afraid I’m about to ruin that” and he let the teardrops fall.

[karkat62]

TONIGHT WE’RE GOING TO TAKE A LOOK AT SUPERINTELLIGENCE (2020). WHILE I’M NORMALLY NOT THE KIND OF PERSON WHO WANTS TO DO LITERALLY ANYTHING ON MY WRIGGLING DAY BESIDES LEAVE ALL MESSAGES AND REPLIES UNANSWERED, I DECIDED TO TAKE A ROMP IN THE HAY WITH THIS ABSOLUTELY SHIT PIECE OF WORK. AND BY FUCKING GOLLY, DO I HAVE SOME THOUGHTS.

QUICK SUMMARY: THIS ROMCOM OPENS ON A PROGRAMMER WHO HAS BEEN DOWN ON HER LUCK SINCE BREAKING UP WITH HER BOYFRIEND TWO YEARS PRIOR. SHE’S UNABLE TO LAND A JOB, AND INSTEAD DOES HUMILIATING CHARITY WORK IN THE SADDEST WAY POSSIBLE, GIVEN THAT SHE’S PLAYED BY HUMAN MELISSA MCCARTHY, WHO LITERALLY ALWAYS HAS TO BE THE BUTT OF EVERY JOKE, ESPECIALLY IF THE MOVIE IS DIRECTED BY HER HUSBAND, ONE HUMAN BEN FALCONE (WHO WE WILL GET BACK TO LATER). THIS PROGRAMMER, NAMED CAROL, IS ENTIRELY AND COMPLETELY AVERAGE, EXCEPT FOR THE PART OF HER BACKSTORY WHERE SHE MANAGED TO LAND A HIT JOB WITH HUMAN YAHOO AT ONE POINT, UNTIL SHE TURNED INTO A SAD SACK OF SHIT BECAUSE OF ROMANCE OR SOMETHING. SHE’S GOT AN AVERAGE LIFE, AVERAGE LOOK, AND IS DEEPLY EMBROILED IN TECHNOLOGY, AS ALL MODERN PEOPLE ARE. THIS IS WHERE THE STORY REALLY IS AIMING TO HOOK YOU IN: THE RELATABILITY OF THIS WOMAN, SPECIFICALLY FOUND IN HOW MUCH TECHNOLOGY SHE HAS. MAINLY BECAUSE THE ONLY UNIQUE THING ABOUT THE FILM’S PREMISE IS THAT IT FEATURES A SUPER-INTELLIGENT AI THAT HAS GAINED SENTIENCE AFTER BEING EXPOSED TO ENOUGH TIME WITH A LEARNING ALGORITHM. SAID SUPER-INTELLIGENCE TAKES ON THE VOICE/DIGITAL FORM OF JAMES CORDEN FOR MOST OF THE FILM (WE WILL ALSO GET BACK TO THIS), AND DESIRES TO LEARN MORE ABOUT HUMANITY WITH THE INTENTION OF EITHER DESTROYING OR SAVING IT, DEPENDING ON WHETHER OR NOT IT DEEMS THEM WORTHY. SO IT TRUCKS ALONG BEHIND CAROL, LEARNING FROM HER EXPERIENCES AND HECKLING HER THROUGHOUT IN THE FORM OF BEING PUSHY AND OBNOXIOUS AND AN ASSHOLE TO HER TO TRY AND GET HER TO HOOK UP WITH HER EX-BOYFRIEND. YADA, YADA. MILITARY GETS INVOLVED. FILM ENDS ALMOST EXACTLY LIKE HOW IT STARTED, EXCEPT CAROL IS INCREDIBLY RICH WITH FAKE, MAKE BELIEVE MONEY AND IS FUCKING HER BOYFRIEND EVERY FIVE SECONDS WHILE BEING VOYEURISTICALLY WATCHED BY FEDERAL AGENTS.

“NOW KARKAT!” YOU MIGHT BE SAYING TO YOURSELF, “HOW IS THAT ALL THAT HAPPENS IN THE MOVIE? SURELY IT ENDS WITH SOME CHARACTER GROWTH OR PLOT MOVEMENT?” AND YOU WOULD BE WRONG. YOU SEE, THIS MOVIE HAS REINVENTED MONOTONY IN HOW IT HANDLES THE CONCEPT OF “DEVELOPMENT” IN THAT THE “PLOT” IS JUST A SERIES OF WISH-FULFILLING EVENTS THAT THE CHARACTERS BARELY REACT TO BEFORE MOVING ON AND PRETENDING THAT THEY AREN’T BEING STALKED BY THE UNHOLY LOVE CHILD OF APOCALYPSE AND TECHNOLOGY. THIS IS BARELY EVEN A FUCKING MOVIE! IT’S JUST A SERIES OF SAD SKITS THAT GIVE YOU AN ELBOW NUDGE INTO THEIR OWN SELF-SATISFYING CHUCKLEFEST AT THE MENTION OF A SPECIFIC PRODUCT THAT YOU MIGHT RECOGNIZE, OR AN ACTOR THAT YOU KNOW AND MAY OR MAY NOT BE MENTIONED BY THEIR REAL NAME, DEPENDING ON HOW THE WRITERS ARE FEELING IN THAT PARTICULAR NANOSECOND. CAROL, THE PROTAGONIST, LEARNS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING BY THE TIME THE CREDITS ROLL. HELL, SHE BARELY EVEN CHANGED HER CLOTHES! DO THESE SHITSTAINS REALLY THINK THAT A FLANNEL SHIRT IS *THAT* DIFFERENT THAN A FLORAL LETTERMAN? WHERE AM I?? FALCONE’S SCHOOL FOR UGLY FASHION AND ROCK-HARD PLOT FUCKERY? BECAUSE BOY, DO I FEEL LIKE I’M GETTING RAWDOGGED BY THE GARBAGE THAT THIS FILM IS THROWING MY WAY.

TO BE CLEAR: I’M NOT EVEN SAYING THIS TO BE MEAN FOR NO REASON. LITERALLY NOTHING HAPPENS IN THIS STEAMING PILE OF HORSESHIT. THE SUPER INTELLIGENCE (WHO I WILL CALL JAMES) GIVES CAROL EVERYTHING THAT SHE NEEDS TO HAVE A CAREFREE LIFE WHILE THE WRITERS PRETEND THAT THEY’RE MAKING SOME KIND OF DEEP COMMENTARY ABOUT THE PREVALENCE OF TECHNOLOGY IN A SURVEILLANCE STATE. “TEEHEE!” THE WRITERS SAY WHILE LOOKING ME DEAD IN THE EYE. “YOU’RE BEING WATCHED BY TECHNOLOGY AT ALL TIMES! ISN’T THAT FUN? YOUR ALEXA CAN HEAR YOU AND YOUR MICROWAVE IS CONNECTED TO THE INTERNET!” AS IF THAT IN ITSELF IS SOME KIND OF STATEMENT ABOUT MODERN DAY RELIANCE ON OBJECTS THAT ARE EASILY MANIPULATED TO LEARN EVERYTHING ABOUT A PERSON. NOT ONCE DO THEY MENTION *WHO* IT IS DOING THESE THINGS, WHY SURVEILLANCE IS SO HEAVILY INTEGRATED INTO TECH, OR EVEN WHO HAS ACCESS TO IT BESIDES THIS FAKEY FAKE ROBOT MAN WHO THE CHARACTERS ALL COLLECTIVELY JACK THEMSELVES OFF TO AT THE THOUGHT OF, JUST BECAUSE HE SOUNDS LIKE JAMES CORDEN. REALLY???? JAMES CORDEN? YOU THINK I GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THIS MAN? I’M GOING TO SLAP HIM THREE WAYS ‘TIL WEDNESDAY AND TEABAG HIS LACKLUSTER CORPSE BY SPAMMING MY CTRL BUTTON. HE’S THE DEFINITION OF CELEBRITY MEDIOCRITY IN THAT HE HAS LITTLE TALENT BUT IS CHARISMATIC AND HAS A LOT OF MONEY. I’M KICKING HIS KNEES IN AS WE SPEAK. PUTTING THIS STUPID LOOKING HUMAN INTO A FILM LIKE A GIANT CURTAIN AND TELLING ME NOT TO LOOK AT THE LACK OF EMPHASIS ON THE DEMENTED MASS TELECOMMUNICATION MONITORING JUST MAKES ME WANT TO RUIN THIS MAN’S CAREER EVEN MORE.

SPEAKING OF MEN WHOSE CAREERS I WANT TO END. HUMAN BEN FALCONE, YOU SICK MOTHERFUCKER, I’M GOING TO FIND YOU AND DESTROY YOU FROM THE INSIDE OUT FOR PUTTING ME THROUGH THE HELL THAT IS THIS MOVIE. YOU HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE LITTLE MAN WITH NO DIRECTING ABILITY WHATSOEVER. STOP PUTTING YOUR OTHERWISE VAGUELY SKILLED WIFE THROUGH THESE SHITTY GARBAGE WASHES AND TELLING HER TO STOP COMPLAINING WHEN HER CAR COMES OUT COVERED IN BANANA PEELS. IT’S A WASTE OF TIME FOR EVERYONE INVOLVED. AND I KNOW SHE HELPED PRODUCE THIS DISGRACE, BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN I HAVE TO BE HAPPY WITH IT. YOU REALLY LET THIS FUCKFEST FRAME CAROL AS A CHARACTER WHO IS CAPABLE OF *SOMETHING* AND THEN PROCEEDED TO MAKE SURE SHE LITERALLY NEVER USES ANY OF HER SKILLS AND INSTEAD JUST FUMBLES BLINDLY THROUGH EVERY EVENT LIKE SHE DIDN’T KNOW THAT TESLAS HAVE THE ABILITY TO VAGUELY SELF-DRIVE. THIS MOVIE REALLY DOES LOVE TO *TELL* US THINGS AND THEN NEVER *SHOW* THEM. IT TELLS US SHE CAN PROGRAM, BUT THEN SHE BARELY KNOWS HOW TO USE A TOUCHSCREEN. IT TELLS US SHE WAS IN LOVE WITH GEORGE, BUT THEY HAVE ZERO CHEMISTRY. IT TELLS US THEY BROKE UP, BUT WE ARE SHOWN NO FALLOUT OR GROWTH AFTER THE FACT. THE ONLY THING WE’RE ACTUALLY SHOWN IS THAT *APPARENTLY* THE US GOVERNMENT WOULD TRUST.... A BUNCH OF RANDOM MICROSOFT EMPLOYEES WITH DANGEROUS GOVERNMENT EVENTS OR SOMETHING? LIKE DIPSHITS???

OH, AND THE ROMANCE? I’M A SUCKER FOR ROMANCE. I LOVE A GOOD STORY ABOUT FALLING IN LOVE OR REUNITING AFTER BECOMING DIFFERENT PEOPLE. BUT I FUCKING HATED THIS TRASH PILE. WHEN THE SCENT OF UNWASHED SOCKS HIT MY SNIFFERS, I COULDN’T RECOIL IN DISGUST FAST ENOUGH. THERE IS NO CONNECTION BETWEEN THE TWO LOVE INTERESTS. WE’RE TOLD THAT THEY BROKE UP TWO YEARS AGO, PRESUMABLY THAT GEORGE BROKE UP WITH CAROL, BUT WE’RE NOT TOLD WHY, OR IF CAROL HAS GONE THROUGH ANY PERSONAL GROWTH BEFORE TRYING TO RECONCILE. I MEAN, IT’S RIGHT THERE! THAT COULD HAVE BEEN A BOUNCING OFF POINT FOR SOME KIND OF EMOTIONAL PLOT MOMENTUM, BUT NO. CAROL DOES NOT CHANGE AT ALL. WE’RE TOLD GEORGE DOESN’T CARE ABOUT MONEY, BUT THEN HE MAKES A BIG DEAL OUT OF GETTING BOX SEATS FOR SPORTSBALL AND GETTING INTO BUSINESS CLASS FOR A FLIGHT AND BEING ABLE TO MEET A HUMAN CELEBRITY.... SO WHAT IS THE TRUTH, ASSHOLES? STOP TELLING ME LIES AND THEN SPITTING IN MY FACE WHEN I QUESTION THEM. GEORGE AND CAROL BARELY EVEN INTERACT WITHOUT BEING INTERRUPTED BY JAMES AND HIS STUPID CHEERY BRITISH VOICE. I HATE THIS PLACE AND I HATE YOU.

I’M GOING TO STOP THIS HERE BEFORE I BLOW A GASKET AND MAKE THE TOP OF MY SKULL LAUNCH OFF MY HEAD AND TAKE OUT A SATELLITE OVERHEAD. 0/10. DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT $200.