#and was really intense and sure about it for like 48hrs

[red-winters]

I am not liking this combo 🫠 back to the drawing board (and the paint store)

[inchidentally]

just me flipping out over landoscar over the past 48hrs :)

ohhh GOODDDDD the way the commentary here is already perfect but just to add!! both shuffle about and seem to do a little of their creepy unspoken communication and then both immediately slip their arms around each other at the same time before they both look over to Max at the same time. bc the slightly scary bonded little McLaren creatures need to remember the rest of the grid exists sometimes ;__;

a-amvryllis

also the fact that Oscar's growth spurt over the winter really is visible when they're stood this close

and yet he's still the same awkward recent-growth-spurts young lad that got delivered to Lando's driver's room last season. he doesn't know what to do in front of cameras and his instinct is still to have Lando dancing and sparkling like the natural star he is so that Oscar can stand just a bit behind and fulfill his own publicity quota by reacting to whatever Lando is getting up to

mecachrome

THE CHEST TAP ohhhh the way that Oscar requires very little physical touch and Lando craves it and they've just… figured it out !! Lando squeezes Oscar's shoulder, taps his arm, initiates a handshake, shuffles back a little bc Oscar's always standing just behind him, snuggles closer to him when they're in cars for the drivers parade and it's remotely cold… and taps Oscar's chest as a 'thank you'

bc for Oscar, he gets his emotional fill through his eyes. while he's perfectly content with most people to do glances and hold eye contact when someone's speaking directly to him. but his eyes l i n g e r where he's especially fond or affectionate or in love. he watches Lily when she's looking at other people, he watched Logan for when he seemed lonely or when they were talking and Logan would stare out at the crowd, and g o ddddddd does he love to watch Lando. you can track his eyes as they trace Lando's features and the way his smile responds to watching Lando's mouth.

yet there's also the way they've learned each other's ways of expressing care/affection/checking in bc Lando can trust that Oscar will be looking to him when something is awkward or unsure, and Oscar can trust that Lando will come to him and let him know how he's feeling aaaaaaand I just think that's !!!

bc no bromance, no cultivating a dynamic or relationship by blending their social lives, no performing in any way. all of their little hallmarks are the most unplanned, unintentional sweet things like the nicknames Lando accidentally started and only continued bc it makes Oscar so happy, to Oscar's hearteyes that he absolutely surely must know fandom teases him about but doesn't bother to change. them being opposites in certain things and then eerily similar in others.

all of it comes back to the way they communicate in ways everyone else has to interpret to understand - and even then it's not like we ever get to see the stuff they think and talk about behind their little privacy door and in the downtime we know they have but that isn't documented. like, I don't want to stretch too far by implying something too intense or specific but there's definitely a Their Own World kind of thing happening. whether or not it's smth they've specifically knowingly cultivated or if it's just naturally how their dynamic shakes out.

bc we all love to joke that Oscar's jealous of Carlos or Daniel or Franco - but then he brings them up on his own in friendly ways and is a very definite carlando! and ppl wanted to make a lot out of Lando openly complaining to an audience that Oscar doesn't like enough of the same thing as him so they don't hang out as much as he does other drivers he knows. but then after that they immediately start playing padel and oh it's okay now! it literally was as simple as Lando not knowing Oscar was up for padel even if golf and regular partying won't be! and that shared activities are not a defining quality of a relationship and Lando said "spends the least time with off track" about Oscar and not "likes the least" or "has the least interest in" lasfgslajgfsalf

and like, I'm always saying how of course they'll have the usual teammate fights or spats or tensions at some point! it happens! Lando is deeply ingratiated into Max V's life socially - moreso than anyone else on the grid with Lando - but they're ever so slightly on ice at the moment bc they're too similar when it comes to competitiveness. but they'll be back to normal when the season - or the WDC race - is done and finished. and nobody likes to document it for good reason but Carlos and Lando have had plenty of challenging moments and many a 'see?? we're fine!!' golf excursions or fan service videos to smooth an issue over (including the worst gifs of all time that I can't find anymore where Lando straight up looked murderous). and then ofc the "I don't feel sorry for him" Lando/Daniel DTS stuff that caused such a fandom headache. and Oscar's always had a very simple, on track the job is to win unless instructed otherwise and then off the track we interact as people not drivers. so it's fully normal to expect situations where they're not happy w each other and it shows! but it hasn't yet and that's honestly kind of weird!! esp when they don't have the big broey type of friendship that Lando's had with his other two teammates - you'd honestly expect him to feel more at ease in showing it when he's pissed off with Oscar bc there's nothing to keep up for fandom/PR sake and no messiness with shared friend groups etc to worry about. but he's cultivated an exceptionally and very pointed approach of This Is My Team and My Job/I'm Established, He Is Not Yet/I'm The Experienced One where he sees the team unity as especially important for him to publicly present and assert. like, for all he hated the idea of being the older one and no longer baby brother, he's responded to Low Maintenance Watchful Oscar in the long run as someone's he needs to take care of and whose place in the team is partly his own responsibility. he's not just one of the drivers, he's The Guy at McLaren and Oscar's extremely painful induction into the team and F1 with basically the whole world praying for his downfall was so vastly opposite to his own gradual and loving introduction that it's clear he's taking their disparities into account. a LOT. this moment being a prime example of him correcting fans because of that. and probably also an uncomfortable awareness of the segment of his own fandom who are able to inflict a special kind of hell on anyone they view as not 100% serving Lando, the object of their unhinged obsession and bias.

like, it's a side note I'll prob never be able to go too deeply into for just that reason^^ but this viewing Lando as a permanent victim whose every good deed is seen as Not Necessary and ignoring the huge differences in position within this sport and within McLaren between him and Oscar - and simply slotting Oscar into a space Carlos and Daniel held - totally undermines Lando's real life growth as a man who does understand that disparity and does appreciate that Oscar inhabits a space totally his own and nothing to do with his older, experienced teammates - and also a man who is saying and doing these things about teamwork and appreciation for Oscar in a way that responds to those differences while not remotely expecting Oscar to mimic or parrot it back because they're not equals in the sport or with the team (which makes logical sense !!) and they're not what Lando was with Carlos or Daniel. and in all the insanity I feel like this coddling, constantly pitying and victimized approach that still hearkens back to Lando being The Baby on the team - completely fails to show him appreciation for who he actually has become and what he actually does and says that is so specifically commendable and shows such growth and strength that is so admirable. the constant expectation that he's saying and doing these things in any way that expects Oscar to copy or mirror him - when their positions could not be more different or imbalanced !!!! - and ignoring the way Lando actually doesn't expect that and that he receives gratitude and appreciation from Oscar in a way that is unique to Oscar bc everyone is different !! by viewing Lando as always perfection and never in the wrong and any good deed being automatically greater than anyone else's good deed, he is cut off from authentic appreciation and praise of the individual real life complex person he actually is and that such flat, default levels of adoration will ring meaningless to him compared to people who can objectively give him praise him as objectively as they see his flaws !! and that's why Max F is his lifelong best friend above all others ! anyway !!!!!

and like. idk. part of me feels a suspicion that this private little world Lando and Oscar have - that they cultivated around the time they decided to pull a lot of their relationship off of social media and not use it for PR (apart from the bog standard team media) - is also them wisely deciding to keep their negotiation of this new front runner craziness entirely to themselves. bc of course things aren't all sunshine and roses between them all the time, but what's clear is how mutually and maturely they've approached each new bout of drama. especially considering they're so young and everyone expected that to be the downfall to Zak's plot to have two young generational talents. and EVERY time it would make perfect sense for them to snipe at each other through the press or be caught feeling cold toward each other - or someone strategically edits or crops media to make it look so - they're huddled together somewhere giggling or playing board games or sharing junk food ;__; the brain rot of stan culture threatens to destroy fandom experience for everyone else but meanwhile the objects of their obsession are sharing a conspiratorial look and grinning at each other.

like… Netflix AND an F1 reporter have quite literally goaded and begged for them to fight and hate each other and each time Oscar boldly steps forward with that cool expression and undermines the effort, with Lando literally cheering him on <3 <3

[one-systems-journey]

18.8.22

TW for discussion of sui*, in relation to a strangers death, later in the post. Will add a second TW where it begins.

I haven’t really wanted to post for the last 3 therapy sessions, so this will be a combination of the 11th, 16th & 18th of august. Apparently I haven’t posted since the 5th, but I don’t remember what we did in the appointment on the 9th (edit to add later, our angry protector was agin pretending & refusing to do much work, but we ended up very distressed after because it didn’t help the littles who we already immensely triggered from the previous week). Things were overwhelming & I wasn’t sure what to say, so we haven’t posted til now.

The 11th we still had little parts triggered from the previous Thursday (I think that’s when it happened, could have even been the Tuesday directly before). They had been triggered during the process of trying to make them a carer in the inner world. Apparently a cuddle from a caring person still feels incredibly unsafe to even imagine. However, on the 11th we tried to process some of the little parts feelings. It was a pretty intense session. It hurt. But it wasn’t quite as chaotic inside after. I’m not 100% sure it was the processing, I wonder if it was just time. Either way, it was good to have a little bit of distance from the constant trauma responses.

We did however have a really critical part show up, one who was angry that our psych didn’t have the Thera-tappers there (thera-tappers two small electronic devices that buzz in one hand, then the other to replicate bi-lateral stimulation, see below for that info). She’s often quite disorganised & sometimes.. more than sometimes, to our detriment. The tappers were a much more preferable option for bi-lateral stimulation (the premise of EMDR, can be done with left & right sides of body, not just eye movements). This became a sticking point for this week. But it seems to have resolved somewhat in our appointment on the 18th. Our psych has said she will try harder to keep them at the office & organise a charger (her reason for taking them home). We were able to ask her to really try with this so parts can see that she is actually trying to address something that affected them. It was hard to ask. We hate having needs. But she was really good about it. I know this seems insignificant, but if I explained the other ways her disorganisation has let us down, I think it would make sense as to why this felt like a lot bigger deal that it was. Plus, the way we were feeling, we were too exhausted for tapping ourselves, having the tappers there would have been of a significant benefit.

This week we stayed away from too much parts stuff. We we’re really dissociated on Tuesday. So, I don’t really know what we did. We know what lead up to it though. This is the part I TW’ed for, so here it is again.

That day my mum msged & said their had been a death on her university campus & the building where the event occurred was closed for the rest of the day. It was someone ending their own life. This was very triggering at the time. Discussion of the suicidal behaviour that result in death, tend to be quite triggering to us. Discussion of & other peoples thoughts of suicide aren’t really triggering, just when it results in death. So, that’s probably why we were so dissociated & felt so off, it was hard to place. So, my psych just went gently & tried to ground us. That’s all I really remember. Lots of grounding needed.

The 18th we talked about my mum. Her attitude toward suicide & the complete flip flop of a response during the proceeding 48hrs. It’s been triggering stuff with her. Her hypocrisy when it comes to matters of mental health, suicide, her lack of care toward her kids, just general emotional neglect. It was validating. We also had the discussion regarding the tappers.

So that’s kind of an over view of the roller coaster that has been the last fortnight. I’m not sure it I expressed just how destabilising the trigger was leading up to these two weeks. But I just want to reiterate that because these two weeks have been a bit all over the place in terms of therapy work. That’s why. It’s taken so long to get the littles back into a fairly stable base. We’re still struggling quite a lot with some parts screaming in my head & issues with eating; it gets hard to find foods that feel okay to eat, parts like & don’t make us nauseous, at times. So, we’ve been dealing with that too. I think it’s easing a bit, but it’s hard to tell yet. Just wanted to check in those bits of info because they’re all parts of being a system.

[prettieparker86]

Playing with Fire || Part 3

Part 1, Part 2, Part 4, & Part 5

Pairing: Steve Murphy x Reader

Warning: Sexual Themes

Gif Credit: Credit to @wescravn, @jamiesfraser, your gifs are so beautiful! Thank you for letting me use them!

Tag: @emislayyyy74, @hannahmariea, @lainey-lane You’ve all been tagged because you left a comment on this first post and I’m super buzzed lol.

A/N: This chapter is centered around Narcos 2x04. This was probably the hardest chapter I’ve ever written. I don’t write smut. It never sounds right to me when I do, but I really wanted to push myself out of my comfort zone for this chapter, because I felt the story warranted it. And I wanted to challenge myself as a writer. I had to have some seriously liquid courage just to write this and post it. Hopefully it’s not shit, I apologize ahead of time if it totally sucks. Sorry if this sucks.

I also don’t condone cheating, at all. But as my friend so eloquently pointed out, the tension is so high for Steve. He really is at a breaking point and that’s how this unfolds. As a writer I wanted to to challenge myself with this story. To writing things I’m not entirely comfortable with in an honest and thought provoking way. So while I don’t think Steve would normally do this, given the circumstance… 

God I hope I don’t regret posting this in the morning

The last 48hrs were a whirlwind that would inevitably change it all. A catalyst that would take an already fragile situation and blow it to pieces. 

Life has a way of doing that, pushing people to the absolute brink. This was one of those times. When hope felt like it had been ripped away and all that remained was a cloud of uncertainty. 

It’s times like those when our baser instincts push forward. When our minds and hearts are too tired and beaten down from the fight to hold the reigns. 

Self-preservation takes over and our gut instincts find their way to the surface. The choices they make lack logic or reason, and yet, we still have to live with them… For better or worse.

Col. Carrillo had been gunned down in the streets two nights prior. Ambushed alongside so many of his men in a brutal bloodbath. 

You watched the aftermath of the carnage on the television. Bodies scattered along the sidewalk, corpses pinned in cars as the streets ran red with their sacrifice. 

The sight of it had left you nauseous, barely able to watch, unable to look away. You had met Colonel Carrillo during your time in questioning. You know how closely he worked with Steve and Javi. 

And for several long frantic minutes, biting down hard on your bottom lip as you fought to hold back the tears bursting at the brink in your eyes, you were terrified Steve might have been among the casualties.

Until Pena had been kind enough to call and give you the news, reassure you he and Steve were alive. 

He let you know Murphy would be in Bogata for a few days and gave you a number if you needed anything, but it was a message he relayed in an almost unrecognizable voice. 

You wanted to ask if he was ok, but Pena had been uncharacteristically brief and that spoke louder than any words could have. 

It wasn’t until Steve returned a few days later to get his suit for the funeral that you began to see the toll this loss had taken. He looked like shit, beaten down and disillusioned.

 You had cleaned the apartment while he was gone, brewed some fresh coffee while he packed. He seemed grateful, but his eyes only looked empty and defeated.

 Steve went to the funeral alone, there would be no reason for you to go, but you found yourself drawn to the coverage of it on the TV. You hadn’t lost anyone and yet your heart felt heavy, almost as if you had. 

Concerned, you waited up for Steve afterwards, but as evening settled into night, and night grew deeper by the hour, you began to wonder if he was coming home at all. 

He certainly wasn’t obligated to. This was his home, but you were just a guest at best. He didn’t owe you anything more than he was already doing, but still you waited, that look in his eyes this morning, as he stood before you in his navy-blue suit, it haunted you.

The hour growing late, you were just about to give up and turn in for the night when you heard Steve get back.

Coming down the hall, you spot him, pulling a half empty bottle of tequila out of a paper bag before pouring himself a glass. 

You watch him silently from the shadows for a moment. He still looks handsome in his navy-blue suit, but his tie hangs a little loose, top button undone, his hair slightly disheveled like he’s been running his fingers through it too much. 

But it’s his eyes that worry you again, even from this far away. His usually intense gaze looks absolutely exhausted and beaten down in a way you’ve never seen before all this. 

He looks even more defeated than he did in the morning, if that was possible.

Moving toward him, you make your presence know. 

“Hey,” You call out quietly as you reach the table, your hand coming to rest along the rounded edge of it.

Steve looks over at you with a heavy gaze, a brief smile curling at the corner of his mouth like maybe he’s happy to see you’re there, maybe.

“Hey,” Steve answers on a low gritty breath as his gaze drops. 

He hardly looks your way as he moves around the table with his glass, pulling out a chair before he lowers himself into it.

It’s almost as if you’re not even there as he stares out into nothing- lost in his thoughts. 

His shoulders fallen as he sits slumped in the chair as if the weight of the world rests on him.

Your heart pulls for him and the pain he’s in. Without a second thought, you trust your instincts and go to him. 

Unable to just stand there and pretend you don’t see his suffering. You’re not that kind of person.

 Placing a hand gently upon his arm, you stand before Steve, watching him carefully as he drowns in his sorrows.

“You ok?” You ask, even as the words sound ridiculous coming off your breath, because you already know the answer.

 Obviously he’s not, but still Steve tries to pretend as he meets your eyes briefly and nods yes to the question, stoic to the end. 

But as you stand there, unwavering, your thumb gently sweeping against the arm of his suit, Steve begins to falter, beings to break.

Slowly his head starts to shake from side to side, unable to hold it all together any longer as his face crumbles and emotion thick huffs heave off his chest.

For a split second, you’re not sure what to do before you find yourself reaching for him, and to your complete surprise Steve eagerly moves into your embrace, surrendering to the comfort he so badly needs right now. 

A whimper leaves his breath and breaks your heart as you wrap him in your arms and pull him close. 

Your arm encircles his back, the other cradling his head as he burrows against you, quiet sobs shaking through him.

 Trying to comfort Steve, your fingers gently slip through his hair as you envelope him, leaning down you don’t think twice before placing a brief kiss upon his hair. 

This pain feels eerily familiar, you understand it in a sharp and uncomfortable kind of way. Not too long ago this pain had ripped through you too. 

When you lost your boyfriend to the violence of Columbia. You never got to mourn him, not really. You had been so angry with him just before he died. You felt betrayed, lied to, but you had still loved him, and losing him so suddenly, so violently, had shaken you. 

At the time you had held it together the best you could. Alone in a foreign country, relying on others to survive, but his death had ripped a hole in you. 

And feeling Steve’s loss as his arms clutch you desperately, his ragged breath vibrating against your ribs, you feel that pain find you again as tears brim your eyes. This is a pain you understand far too well.

You hold Steve as the sobs quietly rack through his body, shaking his shoulders, making his back tremble beneath your hand. 

Biting back your own tears, your own sense of loss, you hold him as grief drags him under. 

And in that moment, you aren’t a woman under his protection and he isn’t a DEA agent, you’re just two people who have been strangled by the pain of loss. 

Two people who know and understand its grip intimately well.

You hold him until the tears subside. Until his rattled breath slowly begins to even out. 

You don’t know how long you stand there, but as long as you feel Steve’s grip upon you, his fingers digging at your back, you hold him just as tight, needing each other in that moment.

You lose all sense of time, wrapped up in Steve and the comfort you find in each other. 

His breath feels rhythmic, his hold steady on you, but somewhere in this timeless space you become aware of a shift. 

Subtle, barely noticeable as you lie tangled up in each other’s arms finding solace. 

It’s the feel of Steve’s breath deepening against your ribs. 

You can feel the warmth of his breath through the fabric of your tee-shirt as he breathes you in and slowly exhales back out, his face buried snugly against you. You feel Steve’s arms faintly clutch you tighter. 

For a moment, you wonder if your mind is wandering, making things up that don’t exist. 

Until you feel it, his mouth against you, kissing you gently through the fabric of your shirt.

A shiver runs down your spine, your breath quakes unsteadily off your lips as you involuntarily clutch Steve a little tighter. 

Your eyes slip closed as his mouth moves tentatively against you, his breath heavy as you feel his hands slowly move from around your back, tugging up the fabric of your shirt. 

You can’t think as his face touches your bare skin, his nose lazily nuzzling against your ribs, the feel of his hot breath making your stomach clench as gooseflesh breaks out across your skin.

“God, you smell so good.” You hear Steve’s husky breath faintly whisper against your skin before he kisses you again, his mouth warm and inviting, his mustache tickling your skin as you clutch him tighter.

Steve’s mouth dances across your sensitive skin in a way that makes your head spin, your pulse pump.

“Steve,” You whimper out, trying to bring some reason to this madness you’ve somehow found yourself in.

Your eyes open as you feel his face pull back from your body. 

Looking down, all you see is Steve’s intense blue eyes staring back at you. Darker then you’ve ever seen. 

A shuttered breath quivers past your lips against the power of his gaze as his hand reaches up to roughly cup your cheek, pulling you down into a searing kiss. 

A kiss that sends a spark shooting through your body like a firecracker unleashed in your veins.  

And in that moment you know you are absolutely fucked. 

All the quiet simmering tension between you two. All the tiny sparks of chemistry pushed under the rug. It’s all been unchained and there’s no putting this beast back in the box.

Steve is already rising to his feet as you pull him toward you, wanting more. 

Your hands comb through his hair, seduced by the soft texture of it lacing through your fingers as Steve wraps an arm around the small of your back, pulling you desperately close to him. 

You can’t breathe and you’re not sure you want to as your mouths hungrily explore each other. 

Both so starved of real intimate connection for so long you’re practically ravenous. 

Everything buried under and forbidden between you two suddenly springs to life as your mouths collide. 

You find yourself moving blindly, one foot after the other as Steve maneuvers you back down the hall. You don’t need to open your eyes to know where you’re going.

You’re surprised by how badly Steve wants this. You’ve been silently keeping your own attraction at bay, but as he strips your clothes off as fast as he can get his hands on them, you start to wonder if you’re not the only one who’s reached a breaking point. 

You try to keep pace, tugging at his suit jacket, the buttons on his shirt, but Steve’s even quick to help you with that as you reach his bedroom and stumble in. 

The back of your legs collide with the mattress before you take a seat. The hunger in Steve’s kiss awakens something desperate inside you too, something raw and in need of human contact as your mouth trails down his chest. 

Moving greedily along the lines of his body, your senses lost in the smell and taste of him.

Steve’s hands weave through your hair, the sound of his heavy breath and low deep groan drive you on as your fingers work loose his belt buckle. 

You barely get his pants undone, before Steve shoves you back onto the bed. 

You gaze up at him, breath heaving, startled for a moment before you watch as he drops his pants and climbs onto the bed with you, eyes so dark and intense you forget to breathe as they aim right for you. 

Your heart thumps as Steve moves over you.

For a second your mind races, pounds- what are you doing? What the fuck are you doing and who the hell do you think you’re doing it with? 

Guilt starts to pound fiercely in your heart as Steve tugs at the strap of your bra, pulling it off your shoulder as his body lowers down on top of you, but then he’s devouring the skin the strap just covered and your body feels on fire again, your mind losing all train of thought. 

Steve sucks and nips at your flesh, tugging off your bra as your heart races, as intoxicating heat rushes your body and a deep insatiable need starts to build inside you again.

Your back arches against him craving more as your hands explore the mountain terrain of his strong arms. 

Then Steve’s mouth is dragging across you, mustache pricking along your collarbones, sending your nerve endings on fire as his palm cups the fullness of your breast. 

His mouth not far behind, leaving warm wet kisses you melt beneath, before his tongue finds the peak of your breast, swirling, gently nipping, before he draws the bud completely into his mouth. 

You cry out, clenching him between your thighs as your fingers dig into the muscles of his arms.

 It’s been so long since you’ve been touched so intimately, you feel like you’re coming apart at the seams.

“Please,” You beg, not entirely sure what your begging for as Steve continues, moving to your other breast, his arm snaked under your back, curving your body closer to him. 

You need this, you fucking need this, the thought pumps through your brain to the pounding of your heart and the swirl of his tongue. 

The last few months, since you came to this place, have been damn near hell, it’s all been building up and mounting inside you. 

And with Steve’s mouth hot on your body, you realize, this is exactly what you need, to just let go.

You feel his arm slip from behind your back with your pleas, snaking up your thigh, gooseflesh forming in his wake, before sneaking past your panties.

You hear a strangled breath leave him and mingle with the sound of your own as Steve touches you for the first time. His face falling heavily against your breastbone, leaving wet kisses against your skin as his fingers slowly stroke you.

“God, you feel good, baby.” Steve groans, his voice edgy and unhinged as his face nuzzles against your neck, his thumb swirling against your nub as his fingers sink inside you, making your head spin and your breath pitch.

Hearing the husky rich need in his voice, you finally realize- Steve needs this too. Maybe even more than you. 

Living alone in a foreign country, doing a job that just got his counterpart brutally gunned down, a job that could make him pay the same price any day, a job that’s already cost him parts of his soul. 

You’ve seen it since staying with him, the mounting pressure, the cracks as he starts to buckle, you’re the release Steve needs.

“I want you,” You demand, your voice heavy as you bow up against him, meeting the rhythm of his hand beat for beat to make your point. 

Trying to satisfy the need growing more and more demanding inside you as you surrender to the moment completely.

Your nails dig into his arms as Steve’s fingers curl and hits a spot inside you that leaves your whole body shaking, you’re breathe gasping his name- fuck you’re already so close. 

You wonder how he knows just where to touch you, before quickly banishing the thought, already knowing the painful answer.

Your hand slides between your waring bodies trying to touch the length of him when Steve suddenly pulls back, yanking your panties down your legs with him so fast you’re amazed they don’t rip.

Your eyes open just in time to see Steve descend back down on you, blonde hair falling wildly over his forehead, sweat glistening on his brow as he stares back at you with a dark urgency. 

Your wrap him in your arms as his hand finds your face. He meets your eyes only briefly before you feel him push inside you. 

Your eyes fall closed as you cry out against the delicious sensations rushing through you, clutching him tighter. 

You grip fiercely at the muscles on his shoulders as Steve’s forehead falls heavy against yours and his hips rock deeper into you.

Wrapping your legs around him, you angle your body to move with his, greedily wanting all of him. 

If you’re going to losing your soul, you’re going to lose it chasing heaven right through the gates of hell. 

Steve’s mouth finds yours once again, sucking the breath right off your lips, swallowing your cries as your back arches against him, your hips rocking in unison as you meet him thrust for thrust. 

His hand cradles your cheek, kissing you desperately as if the taste of you could save him.

“Steve,” You cry out against him lips as he pushes deeper into you, moving in a way you swear will sends you over the edge any moment.

“Fuck,” Steve grunts against your open mouth, his weight braced against his arm as his hand tangles in your hair, holding you close. 

His other hand squeezes the back of your thigh, gripping it tightly against his hip for leverage as he pounds inside you. 

As you both drive head first into the path of absolutely destruction.

You kiss him harder as he drives you to the edge, ready to teeter over. The only real release you’ve had since you came to this unforgiving place and all the misery it’s brought you. 

You lose yourself completely to Steve wanting to give him that same release. 

Knowing you’ll hate yourself in the morning for this, but here in the moment, nothing feels more right.

You find yourself lying naked in a bed beside Steve, his sheet tangled around you, soft against your bare flesh, the room shrouded in darkness except for the light streaming in from the Livingroom. 

You stare up at the ceiling, the white walls staring back at you as you gnaw on your lower lip, trying not to cry. 

What the hell did you just do? What the fuck were you thinking? Oh, that’s right, you weren’t- you were too busy feeling. 

Feeling on another woman’s husband, the way you still feel the slickness he left inside you against your thighs. 

That truth rattles through the hollows of your heart. And you’re not the only one tortured by it. 

Steve hasn’t moved since he came and climbed off you after coming to his senses, hasn’t made a sound. 

Staring at that same damn ceiling as if it offers you both some unforeseen road to redemption.

You can hear him breathing deeply as your thoughts drift to him and what he must be thinking, what he must be feeling. 

The thought of the guilt alone feels suffocating as that room suddenly feels too damn small. 

You have to get out of there, you think as you finally rise in the bed, clutching the sheet close to your exposed body as your eyes scan the floor for your cloths. 

Pieces lying everywhere as if living proof of your frenzied crime. Your throat tightens with the sight of it as the first tear rolls down your cheek. 

You quickly wipe it away, but more just keep coming. Your heart pounds hard, you have to get out of there, but none of your cloths are as close as Steve’s discarded button down shirt, so you snatch it and pull it on as you quickly climb from his bed.

You wipe quickly at the tears on your cheeks as your eyes catch Steve’s. His face is unreadable, but the sight of your tears gets him moving. 

You look away, but out of your periphery you see him rise out of the bed and snatch his boxers as you quickly button up his shirt and move for his bedroom door.

You almost make it before he catches you, his arm snaking around your waist to stop you as he pulls your back to him. 

Your toes dig into the shag carpet as you feel his face come to rest against the back of your head, his breathe heavy against your scalp as you suck in a shuttered breath, holding back more tears.

You feel his fingers curl into your side as your body trembles against the weight of your uneasy breath, his own rattling against you as his face slowly nuzzles your head. 

Steve doesn’t say it, but you can sense it, he’s trying to make sure you’re alright, as alright as anyone can be given the circumstances.

“This isn’t on you.” He finally whispers, his mustache pricking at your scalp, trying to take the blame.

But that’s not true, you know you’re equally couplable. Summoning your courage, you turn and face him. 

There’s tears in those tortured blue eyes of his as they stare down at you. The guilt is suffocating, strangling your heart like a vice grip, but the look on his face tells you it’s nothing compared to his.

“I’m so sorry, Steve.” You manage to spit out on a quiet raspy breath. Needing to say it. Needing him to hear it.

His hand leaves your back to find your cheek, his thumb dragging across it as he looks at you, his eyes drilling into yours for a long moment in a way you know is dangerous, even now.

“Me too,” Steve’s strangled breath agrees as his hand drops from your face and he steps away.

Without warning, Steve turns from you, grabbing an electric fan off his dresser and throwing it across the room with such force the plastic busts into pieces when it hits the wall.

“Fuck!” He yells violently as your shoulders jerk, startled.

As he turns back you see tears glistening in his eyes before he breaks your gaze, moving to his bed, he takes a heavy seat on the end of it. 

You can’t help but notice how broken Steve looks sitting there in only his boxers, shoulders slumped forward as his face falls into his hands.

What the hell have you both done?

[w0lf1sh-a]

eight  facts about the muse.

He got the alias ‘Numbers’ because, when he was first brought into the syndicate as a kid, they weren’t really sure what to do with him so they just had him keep inventory (of bullets especially).  Then, all they had to say was “numbers?” and he’d start rattling off. Everyone became so amused at how reactive he became to the word that the nickname just kind of stuck. He put a “Mr.” in front of it when he started working independently. He thought it made it less of a nickname and more of a title.

The little cabin he lives in was a parting gift from Hanzee. They use to hide out there when Numbers was just a kid, but once he started working on his own and Hanzee moved up in the ranks, it was passed off to him. Honestly, he kind of hates the place. It’s quiet, there’s too much upkeep, there’s no cable, and, sometimes, he’ll wake up in the morning to these giant ass deer outside his window and it freaks him the fuck out. But, he wouldn’t even know how to go about finding a different place. Plus, he’d never have the heart to tell Hanzee he moved. 

On top of being afraid of dogs, Anton is also extremely uncomfortable around birds that are “too prehistoric”. Uncomfortable to the point that he will speed up if he sees wild turkey crossing the road and try to run them all down. Turkey vultures are probably the worst, because those are the ones he sees most often, but also egrets and great horned owls. And pretty much all flightless birds are out. Bring it up when he’s drunk and he’ll probably go on a rant about how ostriches should be hunted to extinction.

His preferred method of murder is in this order: gun shot, drowning/strangulation, throat slashing, freezing (ie. leaving a person tied up in his trunk during ND winter for 48hrs). Generally-speaking, the cleaner the method of killing, the better, but every once and a while he’ll get too excited and have to stab them a few times too. It happens.

Anton used to collect little mementos of his crimes -- usually newspaper clippings or the IDs of his victims -- and either stroke to them or look through them when he needed an ego boost. During an intense bought of paranoia that it may result in his imprisonment though, he ended up burning it all and scattering the ashes. He’ll still religiously read any articles about his crimes, but now he does so exclusively online.

Having spent most of his life in the northern US, Anton became not just accustomed of the cold, but he came to hate the heat. He hates! it! Hates sweating, hates the summer fashion, hates how it brings all the animals out, and hates the silent pressure to ‘get outside and enjoy the weather’. Honestly, anything above 70°F is garbage and he will not participate in it.

Anton is prone to impulse buying -- always when he’s alone and especially when stressed or when he just gets paid. And it’s always really ridiculous shit. Like, a needless amount of alcohol/cigarettes, really high end jackets or sunglasses, more bullets than one person would ever need, or stacks of old VHS movies (because he only owns a VHS player). The habit has nearly crippled him financially.

His habit of snorting whatever stimulant was within reach during his younger years has resulted in these random, really bad nosebleeds (especially during the dry season). They wouldn’t be such a problem if they didn’t bleed for-fucking-ever, getting dried blood crusted in his beard and usually staining his shirt with a few drops. Because of these though, he usually carries a pack of tissues with him, a little tube of hand sanitize, and a Tide stick to clean up afterwards.

tagged by:   @devotedecay ❤ tagging:   you!

[dawnasiler]

How to Do Ashley Graham’s Skincare Routine

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"I'm all about moisture and having glowing skin," says Ashley Graham. In fact, "I like to look a little greasy," the 31-year-old model and body positivity advocate revealed in a recent Elle interview.

Her approach to hydration starts from the inside, with a daily vitamin regimen and "a ton of water." She also relies on her go-to facialist for glow-boosting treatments like oxygen facials and red light therapy.

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But when it comes to skincare products, figuring out a routine has been a process of "trial and error." 

"I have a combination skin type," Ashley told Harper's Bazaar. "It's a little bit oily, a little bit dry. I get a little dry around my nose, a little oily [on my forehead]. Sometimes I get dry on my chin, and I would say that my cheeks are combination 100 percent—[it] just kinda depends on what is happening with the weather. If it's summertime, we're oily. If it's the wintertime, we're dry. So I always am changing my products around."

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Blessed with a usually clear complexion, she switches things up based on what she wants to try (often looking to Instagram for recommendations!), rather than religiously sticking with one brand. 

"I have taken my beauty system from different people. It's not because I'm looking to switch it out; it's more like, 'Oh, I want to try that product.' If I try it, and I like it, then I switch over, and if I don't, I go back to the basics."

Photo: @ashleygraham

Read on to discover the exact products Ashley swears by for her signature dewy skin!

Ashley’s Morning Skincare Routine

1. Cleanser:

"I don't wash my face [in the morning], I just rinse it."

2. Vitamin C Serums:

SkinCeuticals C E Ferulic

SkinCeuticals C E Ferulic: "One of my biggest 'aha! [moments],' like, 'I can't believe you weren't doing that before,' was when I walked into Dr. Idriss' office and I wasn't using vitamin C serum. She looked at me like I had a third eye. So now, as a part of my morning routine, I use vitamin C serum. It's a tried and true brand, too, that everybody knows—C E Ferulic. This is very good vitamin C. I had no idea that it was very important."

Dermophisiologique VitaC Skin Perfection Active Serum

Dermophisiologique VitaC Skin Perfection Active Serum: "Sometimes I pop a little vitamin C under my [skincare] if I'm feeling tired."

3. Face Mists:

Heritage Store Rosewater & Glycerin

Heritage Store Rosewater & Glycerin: "I use rosewater with glycerin. I like the one from Whole Foods or any natural grocery store. I spray it before moisturizer, after moisturizer, before makeup, after makeup, in the middle of the day. [It makes the skin] baby soft. Your skin feels like it's got this moisture-laminate on it. It's beautiful."

ZAQ Hydrating Facial Mist

ZAQ Hydrating Facial Mist: "One of the people I watch on Instagram who's, like, a healthy, everything's organic kind of person uses it. So I thought maybe I'd try it."

4. Moisturizers:

Augustinus Bader The Rich Cream

Augustinus Bader The Rich Cream: "I'm obsessed with this moisturizer. I feel like every beauty blogger in the world is using it right now. I take two pumps of that. I like to look a little greasy, and then you can go in and powder where you don't want to be greasy, and then not powder where you want to be highlighted."

Nuxe Crème Fraîche de Beauté 48Hr Moisturizing Rich Cream

Nuxe Crème Fraîche de Beauté 48Hr Moisturizing Rich Cream: Nuxe—take, like, a dollop. Do not forget the neck. Everybody forgets the neck.... I have not forgotten the neck and that's why this thing looks so good."

Carasoin Cold Fusion Intense Moisture

Carasoin Cold Fusion Intense Moisture: "My favourite moisturizer right now."

5. Eye Creams:

Dermophisiologique Optyma Instant Eye Lift

Dermophisiologique Optyma Instant Eye Lift: "We're also going to do a little eye cream. Mzia [Shiman], who's my facialist, I just basically do whatever she says, and after she gives me an oxygen facial, I'm just like, 'Okay, I want everything, I'll buy it all.'"

Origins GinZing Refreshing Eye Cream to Brighten and Depuff

Origins GinZing Refreshing Eye Cream to Brighten and Depuff: "I've actually been using eye cream since I was 15 years old."

6. Neck Cream:

Neal's Yard Remedies Wild Rose Body Elixir

Neal's Yard Remedies Wild Rose Body Elixir: "Clearly, I like this. I need to order some more. I use this in my décolletage to just keep it all moisturized and sexy. And it smells delightful, like roses on my neck. So good."

7. Sunscreen:

EltaMD UV Sport Broad-Spectrum SPF 50

EltaMD UV Sport Broad-Spectrum SPF 50: "You can't forget your SPF, kids. Especially if you're 30 years or older. And even if you're younger, you should be still protecting your skin. My mom has always taken pretty good care of her skin. She never wore sunscreen, though. Cardinal rule: You better be wearing sunscreen when you walk out of the house. I love EltaMD." 

8. Foundations: 

Revlon PhotoReady Candid Natural Finish Anti-Pollution Foundation

Revlon PhotoReady Candid Natural Finish Anti-Pollution Foundation: "When I'm on the go, I don't like to do a ton of makeup. I like to keep it really simple, really clean.... I put a little foundation on my hands. Sometimes I mix a little bit of moisturizer in with it. I take it and dab it all over my face. I got made fun of in high school for having foundation lines, and I think I'm traumatized a little bit, so I always take it down the jawline. I don't ever wear [full-coverage] foundation unless somebody's putting makeup on me, only because I like my freckles, and I like to show off my dewy skin."

Koh Gen Do Aqua Foundation

Koh Gen Do Aqua Foundation: "I love Koh Gen Do. I usually do about three dollops on my fingertips like this. Kind of put it together and tap around. I do a lot of tapping because I don't think that the makeup should be sinking into your skin. I think it should be sitting on top."

9. Concealers:

Revlon PhotoReady Candid Antioxidant Concealer

Revlon PhotoReady Candid Antioxidant Concealer: "Sometimes, if I'm feeling a little tired, I'll do a little bit of concealer under my eyes. It's nothing major, because I don't want to, like, OD. I feel like when you wear too much makeup it can make you look older. Or any fine lines you have, it can just seep into them. And I'm 30, I don't have time for any makeup to seep into my lines, okay?"

NARS Radiant Creamy Concealer

NARS Radiant Creamy Concealer: "Next is the love of my life, NARS concealer."

10. Powders:

Revlon ColorStay Pressed Powder in Translucent

Revlon ColorStay Pressed Powder in Translucent: "Katie Jane [Hughes] told me that if you just put powder where you don't want the makeup to move that everything else stays nice and glowy."

Charlotte Tilbury Airbrush Flawless Finish in Medium

Charlotte Tilbury Airbrush Flawless Finish in Medium: "I love Charlotte Tilbury's setting powder. Medium is my go-to and I just put it in the places where I really don't want the makeup to move."

11. Contour:

Charlotte Tilbury Filmstar Bronze & Glow

Charlotte Tilbury Filmstar Bronze & Glow: "I also really love to accentuate the cheekbones. Get out my handy dandy Charlotte Tilbury, and I always do it into the hairline and down the jaw so that there's no lines. I love makeup."

12. Highlighter:

Milk Makeup Flex Highlighter in Lit

Milk Makeup Flex Highlighter in Lit: "I love highlighter and I believe in loads of highlighter. It's so Lit. And someone once told me that it looks healthy and beautiful to have highlighter on top of your lip, so I just do it...."

13. Lip Balm:

Nuxe Rêve de Miel Ultra-Nourishing Lip Balm

Nuxe Rêve de Miel Ultra-Nourishing Lip Balm: "This stuff is the bomb dot com. I just use a little bit on my fingertip."

Ashley’s Nighttime Skincare Routine

1. Micellar Water:

Bioderma Sensibio H2O

Bioderma Sensibio H2O: "I don't care how intoxicated you are on what, you better wash your face at night. At least get the makeup off. If you forget the moisturizer, so what. Get the makeup off. Very important. I like to use Bioderma. It's a classic. I actually found it in Paris when I was working there with some makeup artists... [but now I realize] it's not as secretive as I thought it was."

2. Cleanser:

SkinMedica Facial Cleanser

SkinMedica Facial Cleanser: "This is just like a really clean cleanser."

3. Hyperpigmentation Treatment:

La Suite Skin Tone Enhancement Therapy Pads: "Now I like to use these Therapy wipes, and I got them from my dermatologist. Her name is amazing Dr. Shereene Idriss. There's ones that have hydroquinone in it, but I don't have that because... I don't necessarily want to whiten my skin or take my freckles away. I don't want to have to deal with hyperpigmentation but I like to keep my freckles."

4. Serum:

DefenAge 8-in-1 BioSerum

DefenAge 8-in-1 BioSerum: "After the pads, I go straight into my serum, it's BioSerum by DefenAge Skincare. Make sure to get the neck, okay?"

5. Eye Cream:

Retrouvé Revitalizing Eye Concentrate

Retrouvé Revitalizing Eye Concentrate: "Eye cream has always been this really weird thing for me because I'm like, 'Do I need eye cream? Are there wrinkles? Am I using it for discolouration? Am I using it for bags?' So now that I'm 31, I'm like, 'Okay, maybe I look a little tired, maybe there's a few little things I want to do.' I found this brand from Tracee Ellis Ross—thank you Tracee!—and she uses it all the time on her Instastories. It's called Retrouvé. I use it all around my eyes because my facialist, Mzia Shiman, she said there's no rule about eye cream. You just use it and you use it all around your eye."

6. Moisturizer:

Retrouvé Intensive Replenishing Facial Moisturizer

Retrouvé Intensive Replenishing Moisturizer: "I also use Retrouvé's face moisturizer. You just need a little bit because it is thick. I mean, it's very rich. Can you see how my skin is literally turning into glistening gorgeousness?"

7. Lash Conditioner:

Kopari Coconut Melt

Coconut oil: "I get my eyelashes permed and I get them done at Jasmine Imani. She's so sweet and so cute, and she gives me this coconut oil to put on my lashes at night to keep them hydrated. I had no idea that you should even be hydrating your lashes—what?! But you just take it [on a clean mascara wand] and you brush it on the top part and it literally just keeps your lashes moisturized. Again, I had no idea that you needed to moisturize your eyelashes."

8. Spot Treatment:

Mario Badescu Drying Lotion

Mario Badescu Drying Lotion: "Then we do a little Mario Badescu for the blemishes. If you don't know about Mario, you know now. And it just dries your zits. I've got a big one right there which I think is a very strange place to have it, but whatever, you can't control acne."

9. Lip Balm:

Eucerin Aquaphor Healing Ointment

Eucerin Aquaphor Healing Ointment: "Okay, Aquaphor, tried and true. I use it on my heels and my elbows, too, and most importantly, my lips."

Ashley’s Skincare Treatments

Facials:

Mzia Shiman: "My secret to keeping hydrated is getting oxygen facials with Mzia Shiman."

Lancer Dermatology

Dermatologist:

Dr. Shereene Idriss

Ashley’s Diet, Exercise and Lifestyle

Diet:

"People think that bigger women don't maintain their bodies, and honestly, it's the other way around, I try to eat very healthily and exercise three to five times a week. I try to eat gluten-free and be conscious about where my meat comes from. And I drink a ton of water. I know it's, like, so cliché to say, but it's real."

Supplements:

Olly Daily Energy Gummies

Olly Daily Energy Gummies: "I'm a vitamin girl. I have a holistic doctor that has me on all kinds of regimens. I'm definitely not a hypochondriac, but I do like to take care of my body and my brain from the inside out. So I do all my vitamins, a bit of energy, B12. [My favourite Olly product is] the Daily Energy. I only drink caffeine if I need to and I'm not a coffee girl; I like a matcha but I don't want to have to OD on caffeine. And your body is already producing B12 and there's tons of B12 in the Daily Energy. I can take a couple in the morning and then if I'm feeling tired around 2 or 3 o'clock I'll take a couple then. It just sustains me—my energy level goes up but I don't feel jittery, my heart doesn't race. You know how sometimes you drink too much coffee and you start to sweat? You don't get that at all with these."

Olly Undeniable Beauty Gummies

Olly Undeniable Beauty Gummies: "There's two different ones that I take at night. Undeniable Beauty for my complexion—hair, nails and skin. It's amazing. I've definitely seen the claws grow out perfectly and the hair is so thick and lustrous."

Olly Sleep Gummies

Olly Sleep Gummies: "And then I take the Sleep as well. It has melatonin in it, which our body is already producing. I take two of these. When I'm in bed with a night mask about to come over my eyes and I fall right asleep, I don't wake up for seven hours. They're amazing."

Vital Proteins Collagen Peptides

Vital Proteins Collagen Peptides: "I also take Vital Proteins Collagen Peptides for my hair, skin, nails, bones and joints."

Exercise:

Dogpound: "I work out at a gym in New York called Dogpound and try to get there three days per week."

Personal Trainer:

Kira Stokes: "Kira kicks my ass. So if I have the time, we do an hour and a half workout. [There's] just something about that boost of a hard workout and a good sweat that clears my mind. It's my time to really focus and if I'm in a bad mood it makes me in a great mood."

Colonics:

"Gosh, I love colonics. Not everybody is into them, but I do love them." 

Attitude:

"Self-confidence is really the best 'beauty product.' Glow from the inside out."

Thanks to Harper's Bazaar, Elle, Glamour, Coveteur, Forbes, W Magazine, Vogue, Vogue Paris and Us Magazine.

Shop Ashley’s Skincare Routine

What do you think of Ashley's routine? Have you tried anything she uses?

How to Do Ashley Graham’s Skincare Routine syndicated from The Skincare Edit

[chalkegg9-blog]

Seasonal Soup & Salad Recipes ♥ February

Seasonal Soup and Salad recipes, ideas perfect for the month of February, all from A Veggie Venture's decade+ collection of 1300+ vegetable recipes. These late-winter soup and salad recipes are mostly veg(etari)an and call for easy-to-find ingredients. Find your cold-weather salad (and soup!) inspiration here ...

This week's polar vortex has turned much of the country into ice cubes. My hometown in Minnesota? It hasn't been above zero for days and hit minus 36F on Wednesday – I'm reminded of the old adage, "At forty below, it's all the same." Whether Fahrenheit or Celsius, that's C-O-L-D cold! And cold weather calls for soup ... kitchen-scenting, belly-warming and life-sustaining. Stay warm, all!

About February's Recipe Collection

I'm loving these intense look-backs into recipes from A Veggie Venture's archives! Too long forgotten? Homemade Vegetable Beef Soup, just one of four recipes from this page revisited recently. So good! But February's soups, especially, have much in common even though the collection developed, without aim, over thirteen years. What is it about February that shouts out for ...

Spare, monastic soups. Soups often rich with spices, as if reaching for the sun in tropical climes, with flavors that meld with time. Soups often puréed with looks our nana once compared to the "dog's breakfast". Good thing, garnishes to the rescue!

A Year of Seasonal Soup & Salad Recipes? It's Happening!

January February (you're here) March (to come) April (to come) May (to come) June (to come) July (to come) August (to come) September (to come) October (to come) November December

Quick Lists for February

(click right through or scroll down for more information on why I've chosen each recipe) SALADS of the Month – February Kale Salad To-Go with Avocado & Apple 20min/4hrs – WW1 – PP2 – SP2 – FS2 – NetCarb4 ♥ Kohlrabi & Apple Slaw with Creamy Coleslaw Dressing 25min/25min – WW2 – PP2 – SP3 – FS1 – NetCarb6 ♥ Fennel-Apple Salad with Orange-Zest Candied Black Walnuts 20min/20min – WW4 – PP5 – SP8 – FS5 – NetCarb24 ♥

SOUPS of the Month – February Peasant Cabbage Tomato Soup 15min/30min – WW1 – PP2 – SP3 – FS1 – NetCarb10 ♥ Vegan Chickpea Gumbo 30min/60min – WW1 – PP2 – SP3 – FS0 – NetCarb14 ♥ Spiced Pumpkin Soup 25min/90min – WW2 – PP3 – SP5 – FS2 – NetCarb19 ♥ Simple Butternut Squash Soup 15min/20min – WW3 – PP4 – SP4 – FS1 – NetCarb20 ♥ Butternut Squash Soup that Actually Tastes Like Butternut Squash 30min/60min – WW4 – PP5 – SP8 – FS6 – NetCarb18 ♥ Cream of Broccoli & Carrot Soup 25min/45min – WW3 – PP4 – SP5 – FS4 – NetCarb16 ♥ Spicy Cauliflower Soup 25min/75min – WW1 – PP2 – SP2 – FS0 – NetCarb6 ♥ Hunger Moon Parsnip Soup 15min/45min – WW3 – PP3 – SP5 – FS5 – NetCarb20 ♥ Homemade Vegetable Beef Soup 40min/48hrs – WW2 – PP3 – SP3 – FS2 – NetCarb11 ♥ Curried Red Lentil Soup 30min/24hrs – WW4 – PP5 – SP6 – FS2 – NetCarb27 ♥ Roasted Eggplant Soup 25min/60min – WW1 – PP2 – SP3 – FS1 – NetCarb9 ♥ Curried Vegetable Bisque 30min/1.5hrs – WW3 – PP4 – SP6 – FS4 – NetCarb24 ♥

BONUS of the Month – February Soup's On! All month, soup enthusiasts all cooked Soup, Glorious Soup!

Want to Know More?

There's more info about each recipe below. Just scroll down!

Seasonal Salads for FEBRUARY

Kale Salad To-Go with Avocado & Apple

20min/4hrs – WW1 – PP2 – SP2 – FS2 – NetCarb4 ♥ Great for Meal Prep. Just Five Ingredients. Low Carb. Weight Watchers Friendly. Vegan. Naturally Gluten Free. Did I mention Easy & Make-Ahead?

Kale lovers "get" how a deep hand massage converts kale from tough and chewy to something almost silky and sublime. Usually, the massage is done with olive oil, I first tried that oil technique for the ever-popular Quick 'Massaged' Kale Salad. But this To-Go Kale Salad is massaged with avocado – I know, right? How brilliant!

Kohlrabi & Apple Slaw with Creamy Coleslaw Dressing

25min/25min – WW2 – PP2 – SP3 – FS1 – NetCarb6 ♥ Super Refreshing. Unusual Ingredient Combination. Weight Watchers Friendly. Low Carb. Naturally Gluten Free.

Kohlrabi + Apple + Fresh Mint = an unexpected, almost elegant combination. And oh! that Creamy Coleslaw Dressing! It's n-o-t-h-i-n-g like bottled salad dressing, what coleslaw dressing is supposed to taste like!

Fennel-Apple Salad with Orange-Zest Candied Black Walnuts

20min/20min – WW4 – PP5 – SP8 – FS5 – NetCarb24 ♥ Great Crunch. Super-Healthy. Almost a Meal in Itself. Magical Candied Black Walnuts. Vegan. Naturally Gluten Free.

It's not often that I "compose" a salad but this one was inspired by a local St. Louis chef. Even so I made it my own: orange slices topped with chopped fennel and apple in a super-light vinaigrette. The magic is in the walnuts, candied in butter and brown sugar and a touch of orange zest.

Seasonal Soups for FEBRUARY

Peasant Cabbage Tomato Soup

15min/30min – WW1 – PP2 – SP3 – FS1 – NetCarb10 ♥ Pinterest Loves It! Quick to Make. Short List of Pantry Ingredients. Weight Watchers Friendly! Gluten Free. Whole30 Friendly. Easily Made Vegan.

What is it about cabbage that just "makes" a soup? This soup is a tiny bit sweet and sour, a perfect antidote to an indulgent day or holiday.

Vegan Chickpea Gumbo

30min/60min – WW1 – PP2 – SP3 – FS0 – NetCarb14 ♥ Vegan. Pantry Ingredients Plus One Surprise Ingredient That "Makes" the Gumbo.

Easter comes late this year, so Mardi Gras and all its celebrations will begin in late February and slip into March. (No overlapping with Valentines, this year!) All the more reason (and time!) to make Vegan Chickpea Gumbo more than once! It makes a big batch, perfect for parties!

Spiced Pumpkin Soup

25min/90min – WW2 – PP3 – SP5 – FS2 – NetCarb19 ♥ Spiced Not Spicy. Sweetened With Banana. Easy Made Vegan.

These next several soups are similar to one another – including, no doubt, looking something like what my grandmother used to call the "dog's breakfast". But all are quintessential fall and winter soups, in fact, there's a mix 'n' match quality to these soups. This first soup starts with pumpkin, either canned (for convenience) or something like my Homemade Kabocha Squash "Pumpkin" Purée ... plus spices. And for the top? Yum, Pumpkin Corn Bread croutons!

Simple Butternut Squash Soup

15min/20min – WW3 – PP4 – SP4 – FS1 – NetCarb20 ♥ Beautiful Color! Vegan. Naturally Gluten Free. Weight Watchers Friendly.

This is the simplest of these soups, just cooked butternut squash (good reason to cook an extra, How to Roast a Whole Butternut Squash) seasoned only with ginger and garlic.

Butternut Squash Soup that Actually Tastes Like Butternut Squash

30min/60min – WW4 – PP5 – SP8 – FS6 – NetCarb18 ♥ Just Four Ingredients. Elegant and Startling. Vegetarian.

This last version takes a little more effort, not much more time, no more ingredients (fewer, even) but more steps. It's from Cook's Illustrated and each step extracts flavor from butternut squash – not rich spices, not ginger and garlic, not the stock, just the squash itself.

Cream of Broccoli & Carrot Soup

25min/45min – WW3 – PP4 – SP5 – FS4 – NetCarb16 ♥ Simple Pantry Ingredients. "Creamed" with Evaporated Milk.

The "cream" in this soup is evaporated milk. That makes it a good candidate for households that don't keep milk or cream in the fridge but every so often, might want to make a creamy soup. I also take a close look at the case for when to choose evaporated milk vs half & half or whole milk. Good reasons? Twice the protein. Half the fat.

Spicy Cauliflower Soup

25min/75min – WW1 – PP2 – SP2 – FS0 – NetCarb6 ♥ Very Weight Watchers Friendly: Zero Freestyle points! Low Carb. Naturally Gluten Free. Vegan.

Please don't judge this soup by its appearance. What it lacks in aesthetics, it compensates in flavor. The spices are "Indian-style" – coriander, cumin and turmeric, plus a little chili powder for a small measure of heat.

Hunger Moon Parsnip Soup

15min/45min – WW3 – PP3 – SP5 – FS5 – NetCarb20 ♥ Easily Made Vegan. Naturally Gluten Free. Whole30 Friendly (without dairy).

This is a simple soup, just simple goodness, unadorned and without complexity. It is simply, utterly, delicious. Add milk or cream and you've got "cream of parsnip soup".

Homemade Vegetable Beef Soup

40min/48hrs – WW2 – PP3 – SP3 – FS2 – NetCarb11 ♥ Great for Meal Prep. Naturally Gluten Free. Whole30 Friendly. Weight Watchers Friendly & Freestyle Friendly.

Why does a beef and vegetable soup become a two- or three-day project? I'm not sure, but both my recipes (Vegetable Beef Soup & Beef Barley Soup with Mushrooms) both take the time to make homemade beef stock, then allow time for the stock to chill so it's super-easy to lift off the beef fat. (The birds love it!) If you already have beef stock on hand, then just call this soup "supper".

Curried Red Lentil Soup

30min/24hrs – WW4 – PP5 – SP6 – FS2 – NetCarb27 ♥ Vegan. Weight Watchers Friendly.

Red lentils are important here, they cook quickly, turning soft and creamy. Add sweet potatoes (or butternut squash, for Weight Watchers Freestyle friendliness!) and fresh spinach and a splash of essential lemon juice? Lunch! Light supper!

Roasted Eggplant Soup

25min/60min – WW1 – PP2 – SP3 – FS1 – NetCarb9 ♥ Weight Watchers Friendly. Low Cal. Low Carb. Gluten Free. Paleo. Vegan.

The eggplants are so-so pretty this time of year! For this soup, it's roasted and then mixed with carrots, smoked paprika and cumin. Gorgeous!

Curried Vegetable Bisque

30min/1.5hrs – WW3 – PP4 – SP6 – FS4 – NetCarb24 ♥ Low Fat. Weight Watchers Friendly. Vegetarian. Naturally Gluten Free.

Call me smitten with this soup (which I made just last month), especially on the second and third day, after the flavors really had a chance to meld. It definitely needs a garnish! I chose a mix of carrot and currants, both ingredients in the bisque.

BONUS of the Month for FEBRUARY

Soup, Glorious Soup!

A collection of soup recipes from all across the world.

The Year 2007 is the Dark Age of food blogging. (Our photos were dark, for sure, haha.) But back then, the early heydays for food bloggers, we all knew one another. And every month, a few bloggers would host events, a way to learn and share our lives and our recipes with one another and our readers. Sound kind of idyllic? It truly was. And pre Facebook, pre Twitter, pre Instagram. Now, of course, any one of us can post whatever we want on our phones and our friends and followers can instantly react. Anyway. I digress.

Back in 2007, I hosted an event called Soup, Glorious Soup and bloggers joined in from across the world. It's kind of an amazing collection – and a look back at how many then-familiar blogs, sadly, are no more.

Still Hungry?

NEVER MISS A RECIPE! Or next month's seasonal recipe collection just like this!

For "home delivery" of new recipes from A Veggie Venture, sign up here. Once you do, new recipes will be automatically delivered straight to your e-mail In Box.

MORE SOUP & SALAD RECIPES

~ more soup recipes ~ ~ more salad recipes ~ from A Veggie Venture

~ more soup recipes ~ ~ more salad recipes ~ from Kitchen Parade, my food column

A Veggie Venture is home of "veggie evangelist" Alanna Kellogg and the famous asparagus-to-zucchini Alphabet of Vegetables.

© Copyright Kitchen Parade 2019

Source: https://www.aveggieventure.com/2019/02/seasonal-soup-salad-recipes-february.html

[heckinvix-blog]

I’ve started the Snake Diet

Big changes today! Today was my first day challenging myself with the Snake Diet. My mom and Aunt have been living this lifestyle for about a month and a half, and the results have been absolutely insane. 

Why?

I like to think I’m a fairly active person. I see a personal trainer, go to high-intensity classes, bike, run, etc.. You’d think with all this that I’d be in pretty good shape, right? wrong. My diet is just the worst. I manage to convince myself constantly that I can eat (Insert shitty food here), and order pizzas and shawarma far more often than I’d like to admit. My mother suffered from the same kinds of addiction, and since this lifestyle change, she is far more motivated to eat what is right for her, and no longer craves crappy foods. She eats out of necessity, which is how it should be!

What the fuck is the Snake Diet?!

The Snake Diet is an intermittent wet fast diet created by a man named Cole Robinson. The idea is that you only drink “Snake Juice” (I know, the name is pretty silly) during your fasting days, and have a super healthy meal when you break the fast.

Snake Juice is pretty simple, but the ingredients are very important! Here’s what you need:

- Natural spring water (Evian water is the brand recommended) - 1 lemon - 1.5 tsp of “No Salt” brand salt substitute - 1 tsp of pink Himalayan salt - 1 oz Bragg’s apple cider vinegar (make sure it’s the one with Mother in it) - Cayenne pepper (as much as you can handle!)

Check out this video to see how it’s mixed up: https://youtu.be/5iu7qZ3Aszs

Cole suggests starting with two 48hr fasts, which is what I am officially starting today! I’m starting this “blog” to help keep myself accountable, and perhaps inspire others to try it themselves. I’m really hoping it’s as life changing for me as it has been for my family.

Thanks for joining me on this journey! <3

[russellthornton]

Flop Sweat: How to Stop Sweating Buckets When Anxiety Kicks In

So, you’re in a nerve-wracking situation, but how do you deliver the goods when it really counts… without flop sweat sending you down river?

I’m a guy, but I had an uncommon amount of anxiety growing up that eventually grew into a giant black hole. I remember having strong BO in public and huge sweat patches. My overall experience of school, university, and work were of sticky and uncomfortable sweatiness under my pits – which would then trigger flop sweat and an increasingly sweaty brow.

Just the anticipation of sweating would cause this chain of events. I feared being in a very public or close-contact space such as: sitting in a crowded assembly room in-between other students, in an intimate classroom, or for a public speech.

Why does flop sweat happen?

Say you were walking down your local park and you saw a fully-grown tiger a few paces ahead. It’s muscular back rippled as it looked up at you and made eye contact. For the next 10 minutes, you tried not to move… if you were so lucky to escape, afterwards you’d probably be dripping wet with sweat – your t-shirt sticking to your back.

Sweat helps your body not overheat during intense physical exertion – so even though the temperature didn’t rise when you were faced with the tiger, your brain assumed that it might increase in the very near future if it chased you and you had to try to fight or escape. What your brain actually did was to signal the release of the hormone epinephrine, causing you to sweat.

I’ll add a caveat: menopause, drugs, or disease can cause unexplained sweat. So consider going to the doctor if you think you may be suffering from an illness or a condition. But if you’re reading this, chances are there’s some situation that makes you so nervous that you sweat – and you want to master this reaction. [Read: Nervous sweating – Recognize the triggers and stop stress sweats]

How to overcome flop sweat

Just so you know, flop sweat is automatic and can be triggered by your nerves. It’s your body’s way of pre-empting fight or flight when it spots a threat.

Here’s what has worked for me over the years.

#1 Embracing anxiety. I run a meet-up group called Beyond Anxiety, named that because I had the insight that whatever you focus on not only grows, but also becomes your whole world. Also what you try to block only cracks through the seams – I would know – I was that false bravado, bearing-the-whole-world-on-my-shoulders type of guy.

The other and much better option was to acknowledge how I was feeling but to do nothing about it. To follow through with what my task was at any moment and to accept that I wouldn’t always feel great about it. The cool thing that happened was that over time I become more competent at the things I was bad at and forgot about my nervousness.

The rest of the world came into focus when I didn’t obsess about eliminating one aspect of my experience. I accepted that at moments I’d have some anxiety depending on circumstance, because it was a healthy and normal emotion.

I also had fearlessness, love, anger, and so on. All of it was a part of me. Over time, I grew the natural and authentic type of confidence that only comes with hard-won experience – not the pretend or showy kind. [Read: How to put yourself out there and embrace anxiety]

#2 Breathing. I’m a writer – I mention it because writers don’t tend to breathe well when they’re absorbed in putting words to the white page. I practice deep, slow breathing into my nose down to my belly and out of my mouth, when I want to relax and be calm. I sometimes do this with meditation.

You can place a hand on your chest and the other on your belly to test it. If your chest rises then you’re not breathing into your belly. When you breathe out, purse your lips as if you’re blowing out a candle. Breathing into your mouth actually makes you feel less calm as it’s related to the fight or flight mechanism *you breathe into your mouth when you need more air in order to move intensely*. [Read: How to be more outgoing – 12 ways to step out of the comfort zone]

#3 Using antiperspirant. No, I’m not kidding with this one and I’m not mocking. I’ve been there, man – some people just sweat a lot. I made a decision to just accept it and be prepared.

Some people don’t have bad BO. I’m not one of those people… so I use brands like Maximum Sure 48hrs Protection. If you don’t have bad body odor, then you might not be too worried about this – however, those armpit sweat stains can be annoying.

#4 Practicing. I remember attending a public speaking course – I decided to go to explore my public speaking fears, because back in school and university, my hands would shake and my voice tremble whenever I gave a public speech.

During the course, I remember this guy who signed up because he wanted to give a best man’s speech that was due in a few weeks. He wasn’t the best to begin with by a long shot, but neither was he as bad as he probably thought he was.

I could tell he was nervous talking in front of the intimately sized room. His eye contact was towards the ceiling but his way of speaking was absorbing. After several sessions, he began to realize that he wasn’t half bad and he became more comfortable on stage. Nevertheless, he never seemed completely at ease with the experience, and the same is true for some famous people and even rock stars.

Practice can give you a bit more grounding even if it does not eliminate your flop sweat. For me, I was less nervous doing public speaking and found that my voice and hands did not shake. [Read: How to build self-confidence and realize you’re really worth it]

#5 Re-framing it. Anxiety is a close cousin of excitement because both are arousal states, which is why – rather than jumping from anxiety into a sense of calm – it’s easier to convert nervousness into a feeling of excitement.

A situation could be interpreted as being on the spot and under investigation or more like getting the chance to shine and show what you’re made of.

Re-frame the situation using what’s called ‘anxiety reappraisal’ – when you add to an anxious thought: ‘I’m so excited that… ’ or ‘I’m going to get the chance to… ’ or ‘I just can’t wait… ’ Tap into that fighter, explorer, curiosity, alertness. Remind yourself that no one can read your mind and really people don’t care if you’re little bit nervous, it’s normal and sometimes a sign that you can be trusted. [Read: How not to be nervous – 18 calm ways to eliminate nerves instantly]

#6 Not being perfect. You want to get it right the first time – to astound, be flawless? Good luck… I can count perfectionism as one of my biggest flaws and one that I try to avoid. I also know people with a lot of talent who will probably die with a lot of regrets.

Especially in this age of instant connectivity, if you’re afraid of failure then you can’t possibly be in the game for real. No one cares if you make a mistake – they care whether you tried and were brave enough to put yourself out there. So my policy is to do, learn from feedback, and do again. All this obsessing over what will happen is often the problem itself. [Read: The fear of failure and how it can ruin your life for good]

#7 Not comparing – doing you. Not who you wish you were or what you think is cool, but you. Whenever I’m beating myself up about not doing something in this or that way I’m usually trying to meet someone else’s expectations.

‘Doing you’ in my opinion is to focus on your biggest strengths and to shore up major weaknesses.

An example of this is if you’re a great communicator verbally but a terrible writer. Something like a YouTube channel would suit you really well and a blog perhaps not so well. Why crucify yourself trying to be as good a writer as Mrs A, when you’re a better speaker than average and really enjoy doing it?

#8 Focus on the moment. Another great strategy to avoid flop sweat is being in the here and now. The movements of your lungs, faces in the room, moving your thumb around your index finger in a circular motion and feeling the texture of your skin. Whatever gets you into the moment – a yawn, a stretch. Meditation can help greatly with this ability. [Read: How to focus on yourself and build your own sunshine]

#9 Visualizing yourself succeeding. This one’s strange and I used to think it was ridiculous, but whenever I’ve bothered to actually do it, it’s worked out really well – I get the feeling that it’s a call to action for your brain to gear itself for a big moment to come some time in the future.

This is intent in action and your brain roots for you when you have strong intent. I definitely want my brain on my side when it really counts, like when I want to avoid flop sweat.

#10 Eating more. This one’s surprisingly effective for avoiding flop sweat, and also I think easy to overlook – because habits are hard to change. Sometimes I’m a bit more jittery than normal and when I consider it I realize that I haven’t eaten much – perhaps I’ve done a lot of mind power-sapping work beforehand and it’s especially true if I’ve done a big workout that same morning.

When you’re low in metabolic fuel, you’re more likely to feel nervous. An empty stomach = more anxious. Increase your calories if you find that flop sweat is a common thing during your day.

#11 Not lying. And telling the truth… if you’ve got something to hide you’ll be more nervous. I believe in practicing honesty even, actually especially, when it’s not convenient. Even admitting that you’re nervous, say if you’re on a date is a good way of doing this. I used to lie a lot, and I can tell you that life was a lot more complicated back then. [Read: 10 signs of low self-esteem and 5 ways to increase it]

Now I tell the truth and life is simple and sometimes very exciting because you never quite know what will happen when you tell the truth. I focus on telling meta-truths rather than one-dimensional truths.

So for example, if I was on a date and I found a girl to be boring, rather than saying ‘you’re boring’, I’d probably say something like ‘you know, I think we seem pretty different in the type of things we’re into.’ Both statements can be true, however, the second one is less concerned with just how I feel and more with the both of us.

#12 Do more things that make you flop sweat. Ultimately, being on the edge between where you think you’ll easily succeed and where you won’t is a great for building more resilience and also for creating more opportunities. For me, life didn’t begin until I started facing my own edge, and so for this reason, I think that life happens at the edges.

[Read: How to improve yourself – 16 powerful secrets of self-improvement]

If I’m honest, I think that flop sweat is not a big deal and is something we need to just get over it through: practice, experience and re-framing. Not being perfect and ‘just doing you’ are great attitudes that I’ve used to get a TON of experience in handling scary situations.

The post Flop Sweat: How to Stop Sweating Buckets When Anxiety Kicks In is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.