red-winters

[red-winters]

worked like a charm

[red-winters]

the perfect defense

[red-winters]

some goods from patreon request night 🤲

[red-winters]

he’ll never hear the end of this

[red-winters]

beating the heat 🦾☀️

[red-winters]

DO YOU HV ANY BUCKY DRAWINGS U HAVENT SHOWN YET 🥺

i'll let u in on a little secret... my Bucky tag on Patreon has over 180 posts in it LOL here's a recent one for u anon don't tell anyone 🤫

[red-winters]

gouache study in my sketchbook, titled “a california winter”

[red-winters]

I feel so resolved right now bc I've been getting a little frustrated with the Instagram reels I've been seeing that's mostly het women complaining about how their husbands don't share the mental load of housework - which is absolutely justified, ofc. everyone needs to partake in taking care of the home as close to equally as is reasonable.

the thing is this mostly takes the form of people making fun of how their husbands say things like "Yeah sure I'll share the load :) Just make me a list!:) just tell me what to do! :)" when that's kind of defeating the purpose -- if your partner's making lists of chores for you, you're still basically offloading a ton of mental effort onto them, which doesn't actually help the problem.

however I know from experience that I am that husband lol. and I'm sure a lot of these men are just kind of inconsiderate, but from my perspective as a disabled neurodivergent person, I reflexively try to offload things like Making Lists or Asking To Be Told What To Do onto my (overstressed, often panicking) partner because I'm scared that if I make decisions about what I need to do, I'll focus on something my partner didn't even have on their radar and waste all my energy "fixing" something which they didn't consider broken, leaving me with nothing to help solve the problems they actually care about.

I'm not trying to be a dick or deliberately being lazy, I just need to know what's bothering them the most so I can start there instead of starting on a random side quest that doesn't matter to either of us. considering how many of these people I've run into are in nd4nd relationships, I'm pretty sure I can't be the only "inconsiderate husband" out there who's having this feeling, and it's a little frustrating to see it being completely attributed to a moral failing and not, like, a possible symptom of their partner's own mental health issues. (like we definitely can't pretend like misogyny never plays a part in the Just Make Me A List type of behavior, but I know relatively certainly that is not where it's originating from in my own personal relationship, and I'm not that unique)

just when I was about to just make a kind of grumpy post about this problem and offer absolutely no solutions, I fuckin run into a reel where someone actually tells people how to bridge the gap between offloading mental effort and actually knowing what your partner wants you to do- literally just. offer a couple of observations to them instead of hoping they'll do everything for you. ie - instead of "just tell me what to do!!", say "I see the dishes have to be done and the trash has to be taken out, so I was gonna do the dishes then take out the trash, unless there was something else that needs my focus first". this tells your partner that you are taking on some of the mental burden, but still offers them the opportunity to point you in the right direction if you're WAY off.

it just makes so much fucking sense and I never would've thought of doing that on my own. genuinely an extremely useful video to just algorithmically be provided to me. it's actionable advice instead of just telling people "share the loaaaddd" without providing the scaffolding someone needs to do that when theyre unused to it (whether that be due to neurodivergency or growing up as a guy in a misogynistic society).

and its just like. God damn it. this is bullshit. I can't believe the stupid camera app is helping me in real ways. maybe the mental health gurus and internet therapists have a goddamn point sometimes. fucking hell

[red-winters]

[red-winters]

they should invent a grief that doesn’t define you in new and strange ways for the rest of your life

[red-winters]

did you guys know that when you are in bed at night time, you can turn on a lamp, put a really soft blanket around your shoulders and read your book?? and sometimes it will rain??? did you know that???? the wonders of this life do not cease!

[red-winters]

The parking lot near my house has been flooded so long that Google Maps now considers it a natural landmark.

[red-winters]

What’s the deal with tiny shields?

(Yes, I know my ‘big’ shield is stil pretty small)

Patreon - everything else

[red-winters]

PRIDE AND PREJUDICE 2005 | dir. Joe Wright

[red-winters]

June 2017,

Mas-Cabardès, Occitanie, France

[red-winters]

clone wars au where jocasta 360 no scopes count dooku

[red-winters]