#and was like 'i do that to everyone' girl no you dont??? ive been working with you for almost five months now and youve never done that??
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bluem1lls · 13 hours ago
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HEAR ME OUT!!!! se-mi with comphet reader (angst) 😈😈😈
✧₊⁺ you'd have to stop the world just to stop the feeling
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se-mi x fem!reader
✦ synopsis: you're so used to this perfect life. your career and your boyfriend. and it's miserable but is comfortable as it can be. until you met her, and now you'll have to spend the rest of your life waking up to be nothing more than his girlfriend, thinking about her saying "i told you so".
content: angst, comphet! reader, se-mi falls for thano's 'straight' girlfriend
authors note: thank you for the request! clearly inspired by good luck babe by chappell roan because i love to suffer jsjdfkfkj, i hope you like it! im sorry ive been posting more short stuff, the week is vvv rough on me with work but ill do everything i can to not stop posting! even if its a small work
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✧₊⁺ your boyfriend was acting weird. i mean, he's a man. the first thing that came to mind was 'he's cheating'
✧₊⁺ if the bastard was cheating you would kill him. it was enough that he used both of your savings to place them in bitcoin, and of course.. lost it all.
✧₊⁺ and you forgave him about that (kinda) but cheating? yeah no. you didn't wanted to be like one of those actresses with a cheating boyfriend everyone knew about.
✧₊⁺ so when you decided to follow him a random night and a man invited you to play a game, you were all against it.
✧₊⁺ you were a prestigious actress for god's sakes.
✧₊⁺ "oh. i thought you wanted to know where your boyfriend was heading?"
your eyes widen. what was this? some hooker shit? a betting house?
fine. you needed to find out where he is.
✧₊⁺ of course you ended joining the game to see where your boyfriend was. you dumbass.
✧₊⁺ waking up in a room full of strangers, was sure an.. experience.
✧₊⁺ confused, you stood up. where was your stupid boyfriend and why was he here?
✧₊⁺ "thanos?" i called him, scared. "baby?"
✧₊⁺ as you saw a group of people gathering around a very familiar voice, your fear turned into anger. you ran, pushing everyone sorrounding him.
✧₊⁺ "are you kidding me? this is where you got in? you fucking idiot" i hit his arm as he stared wide eyed at me.
"b-baby what are you doing here?" he chuckled nervous. "you should go home, this is not safe-"
"i wish! but you know, i was following you thinking you were cheating but what the fuck is this? did you lost more money? why are you here-"
"well, i came to win back the money we lost, dont worry baby. when i win this we'll be free!"
i can't believe this.
✧₊⁺ as you turned around to fumble alone, a girl touched your shoulder.
"oh my god, you're the actress on my favorite tv show! can i get a picture"
oh god. here too?
with the best fake smile, you nodded, and suddenly, the same crowd that was sorrounding thanos was now admiring you.
✧₊⁺ there was no doubt that after the first game you wanted to kill him.
"we die!? you brought us to a place where we fucking die if we dont pass the games!?" i screamed at him
"chill baby... youre making a scene. remember that people are watching"
"well, who cares? theyre probably going to die in like two days! just like us you idiot"
✧₊⁺ but just like that you kept playing with your... lovely boyfriend. and his new best friend apparently. god you needed a girl in here. you missed your girlfriends.
so indeed, your boyfriend got you a girl.
✧₊⁺ "i got you a friend so you can stop being... so angry all the time. enjoy life babe, this is a one time experience"
the second game was about to start, we needed two people more in our group.
i was about to punch him as i looked at her.
oh.
✧₊⁺ "hi..i'm-" hello? why was my brain shutting down?
"i know. i think everyone here knows apparently" she plays with her piercing lip, smiling.
✧₊⁺ that made you so nervous???? she got you smiling and twirling your hair??
oh you haven't felt like this in.. so long.
✧₊⁺ so yeah, with every game and her being the only girl (besides you) in the group, you two got close.
like.. way too close.
✧₊⁺ holding hands, protecting eachother, laughing together. you spent more time with her than with your own boyfriend.
✧₊⁺ in your defense, every single minute with her felt... like something you never experienced with him.
✧₊⁺ "why are you still with thanos if you think he's stupid?" she said, rolling her eyes and manspreading besides me, while i kept complaining about my boyfriend.
"he's nice.. he really is"
"you hate him, i dont think is normal to hate your boyfriend you know?"
✧₊⁺ you knew. but what else can you do?
you told her. she knew all abouth how your parents raise you to be this perfect actress, with her perfect husband.
and you already let them down with the 'perfect husband'. you can't disappoint them again.
✧₊⁺ so when her touch made you sigh, when she caressed your hair as you stared into her eyes, when she held your hand to feel you close in every game, trying to protect you more than your boyfriend ever did, or when she whispered sweet nothing's to your ear, making you shiver, all you could do was ignore it.
✧₊⁺ of course, when she realized that it was stupid and you weren't actually going to leave your boyfriend and your perfect life for her, she gave up, looking for something (or someone) that could make her feel better.
✧₊⁺ please, she was hot. she didn't need you.
✧₊⁺ she would never admit that in every girl she kissed after that, she was picturing you.
the way she would be biting your soft pouty lips, how she'd show you your boyfriend was nothing against her. she'd kiss you until you were out of breath, her hands roaming through your body, grabbing your waist, your hips.
she bit her lip as she kept picturing your hands wrapped around her neck, going down her back up and down.
✧₊⁺ she was so down bad it was making her stupid.
she had to do something about this stupid.. crush.
✧₊⁺ so was it a surprise when you found her making out with a random girl in the bathroom? not really.
but was it a surprise when she stared right to your eyes while she did it? i mean.. a little.
✧₊⁺ you scoffed, washing your hands.
"that's disgusting. there are bathroom stalls for that" i said to both.
as the girl turned around, se-mi asked her to leave, saying that 'she'd take care of her later'. ew.
✧₊⁺ she turned around, pissed. yeah, maybe you can get in her head for hours and hours, but ruining her makeout session? you were out of limit.
✧₊⁺ "listen princess-"
"don't call me princess after you made out with a random " i mumble, bitter. "and don't scream at me pretending like you hate me"
her eyes filled with anger.
"listen to me, you can fake being this perfect actress with your boyfriend and everyone else" she said, pushing me against the wall, one of her arms on top of my head, trapping me there. "but not with me. you think i dont see your little lustful eyes? the way you stare at me how i bet you never stared at your boyfriend?"
"b-bullsh-"
"yeah. whatever" she scoffed. "lie to yourself if you want, go fuck the entire common room to prove yourself that you're this pretty straight princess that your parents want you to be, but don't play with me" with every word she said, she got closer to me. our heated bodies breathing almost in sync.
"tell me im lying princess. tell me that if i" she grabbed my chin, softly caressing her lips with mine. my body shivering as my hand grabs her bicep, my nails clawing there, leaving 'c' marks, to ground myself. "do this, you dont feel a thing. c'mon. stop me, pretty girl. tell me you shouldn't" she whispered against my mouth.
✧₊⁺ but the truth is that you couldn't move. you couldn't back away, but you couldn't do this to thanos, to your parents. it wasn't fair.
dad? he had all the contacts he wanted. he would destroy your career in seconds. mom? would never let you step your own house again. oh and your boyfriend? would clearly ruin you on the internet. probably leaking everything about you in seconds. your own fans? people are not as open as we expect them to be.
you can't do this. you can't let yourself have this.
✧₊⁺ "im sorry se-mi" a tear fell, almost wetting her face too because of how close we were.
her eyes shut close. she mumbled something under her breath as she quickly stepped away, breaking whatever moment we had going in.
"i dont want you close to me again" she said, turning to leave as i rushed to follow.
"please, a-at least let me have you as a friend se-mi please" i begged her. tears couldn't stop falling to my cheeks.
"i can't" she said, turning to face me. her eyes roaming my features with a hint of guilt and sadness. "how can i be your friend when i'm so.." she stops, pressing her lips together. "i-i picture you in every girl i kiss. i can't be your friend.
i bit my lip as i hug her. she stiffens but slowly lets herself go, hugging me back. her hand on my hair, softly caressing it for comfort.
"if we get out of here and.. you decide that you're done being his perfect wife, and maybe you want to be happy..with me..i'll be waiting. i promise" she whispers in my ear, kissing my temple.
✧₊⁺ so it goes. after the next game, the nerves make everyone vote to leave and just like that you're actually out.
✧₊⁺ and althought you don't hear from her, you know she's still friends with your boyfriend.
and although she doesn't hear from you, she follows your life like she did. watching every episode of every single show you're in, following you on social media.
and although you guys never cross paths again, if you or your boyfriend ever invite her to 'the wedding', she will throw that invitation to the trash, where it belongs.
✧₊⁺ you miss her every night. mostly, when you wake up feeling cold against the person that's supposed to be your future. you're sure you love her.
and she misses you too. and she knows she loves you. that's why she never tries to contact you again.
✧₊⁺ because she loves watching you smile. even if its not because of her.
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macroglossus · 1 year ago
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being evaluated for adhd by having one of those full psych evals that last like two hours. scared frightened etc.... last time i took it i lied extensively bc i was 13 and thought they might tell my mommy if i said i had suicidal thoughts. and i still have a habit of lying to therapists bc i'm embarrassed......... AGH idk. what if i take it and they tell me that the reason im Like This is bc im genuinely just weird and shitty and not bc im mentally ill at all. SCARED
#which is dumb bc i have been formally diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses i dont think they can just take it back right?????#this is so stupid and cliche but what if i have been faking it........ all along........ Argh.#when i was in res i was put on adderall (bc the house psych just kind of experimented w meds LMFAO) and i had to go off them after like#two weeks bc it was affecting my appetite in a way i couldnt afford at the time lmao. but i do genuinely feel like it helped during that#time.... which is why i want to go on it again!!!! but im scared theyll just be like nah and i wont be able to take any of my meds anymore#is that crazy. am i being crazy rn. idk i truly do think most of my experiences w school and like. life could be explained by adhd and#when i was a kid they thought i had it but the two meds they tried didnt work for me so they just. kind of gave up#and i was really extremely unable to do school and graduated hs w an insanely low gpa and then dropped out of community college. LMAO. not#that people w adhd cant be good in school i just couldnt make myself do homework and couldnt listen in class bc i was too busy focusing on#listening. if that makes sense#IDK. idk. i know it's become like. a trend to have adhd is the issue and everything is being attributed to having it so im worried that ive#like. accidentally fallen in w that? even though ive thought i had it for forever and everyone has been like girl do you have this. IDK!!!!#idk. idkkkk im just like. genuinely scared. it's not the end of the world if im not diagnosed obviously but that means that#im just like this for no reason at all. and there's no way of helping it bc it's just the way i am. and i actually am just shitty n lazy.#epic. which incidentally is the proper name for how fucking long these tags are my bad. if you read this far sorry for being insane 👍
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bunnyboy-juice · 6 months ago
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blah blah blah blah blah
#i have real thoughts rn i am just so overwhelmed with feeling that this is all that can come out#tldr: i wish i could just spend my time traveling and treating women how they Deserve to be treated (well. loved)#thinking about how many people i see who are so deeply sad#thinking about how many ppl ive had a positive impact on even if we ended on terrible terms#thinking about how many more people i could help if i just had the resources ....#thinking about how fucked the psychiatric industry is and how so many therapists suck#thinking about how i actually love being the mommy therapist friend a lot of the time and my limits surrounding that really just come from-#-the fact i Dont have the resources to do this for everyone bc i also have to manage other things in life and work and such#thinking about how if i could i would actually do free emotional labor like. all the time.#thinking about how much it sucks i cant do this#thinking about how much i want to hold every sad girl i see on my dash and let them cry into my arms until they cant anymore#thinking about how much i love my friends#thinking about how much I love...... everyone i meet#not in the like Romantic way but in the “oh hello. you crossed my path. i love you. i love you. i love you. thank you for being alive” way#thinking about all the people who have harmed me and how i Still feel so much love for all of them#thinking of the strangers who have been both rude and kind to me and how much i think of them. how deeply i hope they're still alive.#it..... hurts to love this much ngl#but pushing it down feels worse and im full of this feeling of tender frustration????? because of it#i love that i have so many people who allow me to love them and love me in return#i want to reach through the screen and kiss every follower and mutual and person i follow on the forehead and tell them I love them#i wish i could express more love for people w/o them falling In love with me or being weirded out thinking im In Love w/ them....#i wish i could express better that its not that im aromantic but that i just have so much love at my baseline that its hard for me to-#-Fall in love unless we constantly are talking and communicating and like. working to that together without sounding like a jerk or like im+#+a saint. im not a saint. im not. i just love you. ):#ANYWAY sorry for all those feelings if i didnt get them out i was gonna explode#that also definitely wasnt really a tldr
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brothersonahotelbed · 2 years ago
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genuine question. when someone pats you on the head like a dog, just out of the blue, even though they never touch anyone Ever... what does that mean. does it mean anything at all
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fappellmoan · 2 years ago
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ok hi i havent even been on here to tell you how evil this teacher his like he’s actually comically insane sorry neurodivergent sorry he’s actually awful. and i knew that coming into this trip but it’s like a whole other level. i could get into storytimes some day but just know i have to have a one on one meeting with him today and i have been avoiding any contact with him since he was like verbally abusive to our class on monday and then kept me and my group an hour past class time (actually more cause we got started on our meeting late) and i was so dysregulated and angry i couldnt move. like. he needs to be on ketamine i think
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todayisafridaynight · 2 years ago
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SO!
Pretty good show honestly. I think it may perhaps come off a little underwhelming compared to last time because they released the full trailers early, so it was chiefly just talking, but I was still pleased.
The only thing I really wanted out of it was one (1) of my predictions coming true and one (1) surprise, and well, between the Watase Family and Nishitani...... THREE!!!!!, that's exactly what I got. Kiryu looking up at the sky like he's struggling to remember who he (allegedly) proposed to is hilarious though same energy as Jo not remembering Ikumi's name ghdshgkdhf the exchange kind of reminded me of Ichi talking to Arakawa as well... the "don't say it in the past tense" one you know the one...
Also next summit in September so that'll be a lovely birthday present :) For Me :)
Also x2 I love seeing which of my asks you decide to reblog. Whether it's because of the actual ask or because of my commentary it always feels like a win (<- normal to want and possible to achieve)
even if Considerably underwhelming, what information's been given IS causin a lotta buzz right now so !!! pretty successful summit in some regards ( ❁´◡`❁;;)
i just wish we got to see LAD8 gameplay, that's probably the only thing i really wanted but i guess there is still the fall summit (and for your birthday's sake i hope it's a real banger one)!
#snap chats#BEEN TRYING TO REPLY TO THIS ONE FOR LIKE HALF AN HOUR NOW IM SO SORRY VLEKVKJ#i was still on the call with my friend so i couldnt think straight and i wanted to give this my full attention when responding#anyway. i dont think i have to say anything about the conversation between ichi and kiryu#mostly cause ive already been doin that with the other asks huh ☠️#DEFINITELY probably The Main Attraction to everyone tonight... so mysterious... def leavin me confused LMAO#but SO true love how ichi freely assumes arakawa was bangin back in the day but with kiryu he's like Oh God Prob Not#and i mean. is he entirely wrong ☠️#which is what makes kiryu's response all the more funnier 'been around the block' at max you got three girls#one of them arguably being your sister and the other was a mole and the other one yall separated on agreed terms#WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT SIR. he caught on proposing cause he wasnt ever with anyone long enough TO propose ☠️☠️#AH AND i actually like most- if not all- the asks you answer if that's anything :)#my main's shadowbanned so it probably doesnt show up but i always do enjoy reading your commentary or responses to people#i feel awkward rbing asks since For Some Reason in my head that's. Illegal#but sometimes there ARE topics i really wanna leave a comment or ramble bout for one reason or another#absolutely flattered it's considered a win tho cause thats how i feel whenever i see you like or rb any of my posts fjaLKJLKJA#cause yk... in a general sense im very bland or just outright foolish SO it's always cool when you enjoy my posts ♪(´▽`)#esp when theres so much love and thought in yours- its very cool is what i can say in the Utter Most Simplest of terms#terms i have to use cause my hands starting to hurt from all the typing owie ow ow ow(;´x`��#ill leave with saying HOPEFULLY for the next summit i can stream it... my mic worked well with my call with my friend SO#it's def ready for. whatever i got in store ok my hand REALLY hurts now i gotta cap it (;´д`)
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mrfoox · 2 years ago
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Maybe I'm petty but the guy that I basically turned down a month back... Is still kinda messaging me half heartedly and I just... Im over him lmao
#miranda talking shit#I saw him in an probably not intentional but bad light when he went from being#Super talkative and wanting to speak and such every day to... Silence in minutes after i said i wasnt#Intrested in him that way... Its probably bc its so against how my brain works but i just thinks its stupid#Everyone works differently and i know he doesnt control it but i feel... Not used but like... Like i only was worth#His time if he thought he could date me/get in my pants :). He seemed like an nice enough guy and such but#The complete turn around just... I havent answered his last messages bc i just feel /:#I hate people who just seek their prefered sex/gender people as partners. Like... Fr.. If you cant like mr as a friend first i dont want to#Date you. I need to have that established connection to even consider deeper feelings... Nah#I probably sound like a bitch but yeah no i dont like it at all. I feel like girls value friendships more#Ive been on dates with girls im now great friends with but not a single guy bc they ghost#It just feels so shallow in my mind. Like they dont care about me unless they think they can 'get' more from me#Im so glad im ugly so i dont have to deal with this regularly but when it happens its still so shit like /:#Do i have to disclose this during third conversation with every guy i talk with or what?#Im ranting but im frustrated. He had potential to be a cool friend and he blew it. Not by making an unwanted move. I can deal with that#But how he acted afterwards. Dont want to get to know me as a friend first? Please go along bc i am so friendship focused its bad
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chevaliermalfets · 11 months ago
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i hate grad school (don't wanna do my candidacy exam) but I also love grad school (got 4 out of my 12 required credits by attending a 2 week class and then taking an exam where I just had to talk for 15 minutes about the exact topic I've been working for a year)
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butchlifeguard · 1 year ago
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i think i may not be normal
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bestlilithian · 6 months ago
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The lilithian experience (lilith dominant chart)
Personal experiences w having heavy lilith influence
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- Older people being creepy subtly or overtly, but usually subtly with certain looks or touches or comments, especially strangers in public or distant family friends
- Being told Im scary or intimidating, or that I look mean (a girl once told me she thought I wouldnt want to hang out w her and her friends because I looked 'too pretty and kinda mean') [this is esp w lilith/asc harsh aspects]
- Lilith square asc culture is walking into a room a little pissed or in a hurry and everyone shutting up (also works for mars/pluto)
- Now Ive never heard anyone else talking about this but as a lilithian woman Ive always been disgusted by the idea of having sex with a man because in our culture a woman who has sex w a man is seen as having been dominated and degraded by him ("I fucked her" "I hit that" "I scored") also the act itself is very power struggle-ish like no *I* want to bend over a man and make him suck *my* dick
- Being hyperaware of people looking at you (even if youre dressed extremely modestly or without makeup)
- Lilith/moon aspects 🤝 your mom making inappropriate comments about you and your body
- Lilith/sun aspects 🤝 your father insulting you or making weird comments (more subtle w soft aspects so you might brush it off but its still not okay girl)
- People thinking youre flirting with them or others (esp men) but youre just hot and talking, and you cant help that ppl have strong reactions to anything you say really
- Loving eye contact <3 (w the right people)
- Lilith square saturn culture is not being afraid to stand up to authority <3 and having to quite often because they have a pick on you and try to tear you down
- also w lilith square/opposite saturn grown ass adults will have beef w you when youre a kid, esp those w authority over you like teachers, coaches etc
- Lilith/asc harsh aspects and overthinking whether a fit is too revealing or not (because you dont want to get harassed and looked at again) (but then youll grt harassed even if you go out in a priests suit so 🤩)
- People (esp men) trying to use you for sex
- Always being the one guys want to be friends w benefits with while theyre crushing on another girl
- "I dont like what you do to me" - most men Ive interacted with for a while
- A guy told me he liked me for who I am but he couldnt stand "the effect I have on him"
- lilith in 4th house culture is attracting men w mommy issues and being looked at by guys in relationships
- lilith/mercury and needing to know all your friends bdsm test results
- People liking when youre mean 2 them
- People who hate you often want to have sex w you
- Ive had so many guys in my class literally have to gather up courage to talk 2 me, even for basic things like asking me to help w something, they approach me looking all tense and worked up like Ill slice their head off for asking me to help them with their math lmao
- A classmate (and friend, apparently) of my friend once didnt want to come out and meet me when I went to my friends school to give her something because she thought Id beat her up (for context I found out she said some nasty things to my friend and was not happy about it)
- Being told by ppl (esp men) that I remind them of characters who are villains
- People esp girls not liking me for no reason or being rude
- Guys in relationships being extremely cold and rude to me or even shittalking me to their gfs (you can guess why)
- People trying to 'put you in your place'
- Recognizing other lilithians immediately
- Being insecure about your private parts, your body in general and your appearance
- Sex obsession since a young age
- Sexual harassment unfortunately
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boysbeware2 · 17 days ago
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all the old tptm girl journal entries w the new (if anyone wants to see them again and compare them)
please proceed with caution as many of these could be upsetting to read
disposable girl (jordyn)
(old)
i cant fucking stand this. i try so goddamn hard to make friends, to be attractive to people, to be even somewhat appealing to them etc etc. it never works. i thought it would get better the older i get. thats what i was told. guess what! i was fucking lied to!!! im alwasy left out of EVERYTHING i never get invited to shit and my own friends ignore me all the time. everyone looks at me weird. i cant go in public anymore im so fucking terrified of everyone. nobody fuckinf wants me, man. im so close to doing something stupid i feel so gross and ugly and dumb i should actually just die id be doing everyone a favor LOL
(new)
man, i havent been on here in forever. the internet is kind of dumb. what is there to say? my friend group celebrated our outpatient graduation anniversary the other day, that was pretty nice. we’re all trying to figure out housing stuff, nora’s been helping with that. freyja + mayra + kairi found a place already (how are they so responsible??) and the rest of us are trying to find places near them so we can visit more often. i never expected to have such a big group of friends. if you told me 2 years ago that i’d be living like this, i wouldn’t believe you. it’s still surreal to me. i’m not sure what i did to deserve them. same goes for my girlfriends. i don’t wanna say who just yet, we’re still figuring things out, but i’m just so thankful for them. i feel so lucky to have a second chance at life. i really didn’t believe people when they said it would get better, and then it did. how funny…..
irreverent girl (kairi)
(old)
I do not want God to see me anymore. I do not want anymore eyes on me. This is near unbearable. I have no one to turn to. My mother is in the church. Many of my friends are in the church. They would tell me to find hope through Christ. They would tell me to pray to Him. They would tell me that He will save me. He must not remember He made me, and if He does, He simply does not care. I know this is unbecoming of me, and I don't mean to be dramatic. I am simply depressed, nervous, and I cannot tell what's real and what isn't anymore. I know I'm supposed to hear God speaking to me, but I do not, and I am tired of straining my ears. I just want to see a doctor. I want some kind of tangible solution. I do not want to pray anymore. Praying hurts. I only do it when I am afraid, but I am afraid much of the time. I don't want to be unheard anymore. I do not want to hold out hope for someone who does not act like they're there. I am hurting. I am hurting. I am hurting. Belief is hurting me. The idea of God is hurting me. I need an out. I am hurting.
(new)
When I have a job and money and I can move away from my shitty Mormon parents
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splitter girl (tahira)
(old)
theres something so broken in me thats beyond saving. so i dont know why i keep trying to be saved. i meant to kill myself when i was 18. i didnt. all ive wanted to do lately is kill someone or something. i havent. im too much of a pussy to plan anything concrete, no matter how much i hate everyone around me. no matter how much i get off to videos of people dying or how much i love cutting myself i cant actually take action against other people. i am fucking purposeless. i was born from evil and i will always be evil and i cant even live up to that. i hate myself i hate myself i HATE myself and the universe hates me too. i dont know what to fucking do at this point. i talked to one of my friends about wantingto die and they said smthn about hospitalizing myself. maybe. i dunno. i dont know what else there is for me/. my eyes are fucking burning from lookign at my computer for so long adn not getting any goddamn sleep. i am not a good person. i dont think i can be helped but i just dont wanna fucking keep goign to school and being around people and pretending like everything is norma;l. i cant keep doing it. what the fuck is wrong with me whagt happened. why cant i be loved or feel love for other people when did something change in me that switched the aggression and affection parts of my brain. im hyperventilating ill be back. maybe
(new)
getting myself onigiri from this one good boba place 2nite bc im 8 months clean…… its the little things~ ^^
fainéant girl (freyja)
(old)
i know i dont hate being disabled... i just hate being disabled in a society that makes existing difficult... but sometimes i really just dont want to be disabled anymore. i dont want my family to lecture me about how i could be helping out more, or how i should get a job. i dont want teachers to keep asking me whats wrong or the fuckin uni counselor to try to get me hospitalized. i dont want to be in so much pain anymore, to feel so exhausted that i cant even do so much as prepare food for myself, let alone do anything meaningful or fulfilling. its not fair. i shouldnt have to stay inside and sit in the dark all day,. i should be able to have friends. to talk to people and to go out with them and to feel like i am alive. its lonely and traumatic to suffer through this and on top of that no one around me understands, and they never fully will. i am tired of trying to justify my existence to everyone, to explain the pain that i am in and why i shouldnt have to experience it. i know the problem isnt me. i know i live in a world that isnt built for me. but if the world cant change then sometimes i truly feel that i should just stop living in it. my lifespan is already shorter than everyone else's anyways. what difference does it make
(new)
my qpps didnt seem to appreciate me playing Alien Kids Alien Rap for them. Do they even love me
caliber girl (nora)
(old)
唉~It is 3 AM and I should go to sleep but I can’t. I have a work zoom meeting early in the morning and I gotta hit the gym also because I haven’t done leg day in like… weeks. Oh well, it doesn’t even matter. My value is depleting but I don’t think I care anymore. The turnaround date for my code is also in a couple of days and I haven’t made any progress. I keep getting the same error and I’m too tired to figure out what’s wrong. I might get fired at this rate LOL(笑). If that happens, I think I’ll just consider ending it all. Not that anybody will miss me. God I sound so weak and pathetic right now. When did it get like this. How did it get like this. I’m sure I’ll be fine. I’ve been through worse before and this is nothing. Ugh, why is it so hard to breathe? My chest hurts and I feel like something is wrong but I don’t know how to make it go away. Should I call someone about this? No. No one is awake or around to help. I’ll be fine. I’ll just sleep it off. Shake it off… shake it off…
(new)
My Tamagotchi beeped during a meeting fml
chocolate box girl (morgan)
(old)
i thought i was doing better but i cant stop thinking about them. their touch, their interests, their smile, everything. the worst part is that i miss them, after all of what they've done to me. i was 13. i dont even feel justified calling it rape since our relationship was so muddy... they never yelled at me or was angry at me, they just got so sad when i tried to speak my mind, and got all my friends to hate me when we finally broke up. i never said no so i feel like im insulting actual survivors by feeling violated. i wasnt even trying to get into a relationship with them, it just happened... i feel like everyone around me wants me in the same way they did, even though im an adult now and i dont even try to make myself appealing. i wish i could trust people not to take advantage of me, and i feel disgusting and selfish for feeling like everyone has ulterior motives of getting me to fall in love with them, or worse. that's so self centered of me. i dont know how long i can keep doing this
(new)
girl help i cant stop looking at anime figures on japan yahoo auctions !!!!!
taxidermy girl (mayra)
(old)
I don't remember ever not having a sex drive, is that normal ? I was born and then it was all downhill from there, something happened to me sexually i think, I don't know what happened, because I don't remember much, but something happened and I was beaten for it and yelled at and my mother hated me, and now I am an adult and I try to have sex, and I'm not there mentally, even if my body is participating, I feel like I am in the past again, being beaten and yelled at . I want to keep trying, I want to have fun, to feel safe in someone else's arms, to reach the heights of pleasure, but my mind scares me so much, I haven't been able to eat anything today because I feel so horrified by my body . If I was good I would have been born as a nonsexual being, no parts, no desires, no instincts, a blank slate, too empty to be enjoyed . Do you know what it feels like, to have your mother tell you people want to sexually abuse you when you are a child, and then to be made fun of by your peers for being so ugly, to have your middle school and high school classmates joke about how much they don't want to have sex with you ? I am illicit and undesirable at the same time, I am everyone's last option, I am nothing and still too much, rotting deer meat on the side of the road . I wish I had been born as something beautiful and pure, I wish I could start over, that whatever that initial sin was had never been committed .. I want to start over
(new)
Went to a kink event the other night and everyone was so nice … The low lights were fucking with my vision so one of the hosts helped me navigate the place . I ❤️ you random disabled ally with a pup mask on
chemical girl (joy)
(old)
LMAOOOOO im too angry and miserable to be around. i think i just need to give up at this point because theres clearly like. something broken inside me that cant be fixed. that has 2 be it because i try to talk and i just sound cold, i try to make a joke and it comes out overly edgy and unfunny, i try to be like everyone else but its too much. i cant even be a collection of the positive traits i see in others, i try to replicate it and it comes out warped and wrong. im either fucking enraged or in abject misery or way too happy and nobody can keep up with me. the thing is i dont even blame them. i wouldnt want to be around me either. do u know what thats like? being someone you wouldnt want to know? i keep hoping that one day ill wake up and suddenly be normal, the mood swings will be gone and everyone will like me and i wont do stupid shit that pisses them off. but i know that day isnt coming. theres no hope for me and i want to say sorry to everyone who has ever had the misfortune of knowing me but i know it wouldnt do anything. theres nothing i could ever do to make myself right
(new)
i need to convince my gf to take me to Round One again soon
refraction girl (nataana)
(old)
i don't want to do this anymore. i'm going somewhere better
(new)
talked with my psych and i’ll be starting TMS soon, it’s some thing where they put magnets to ur brain and it’s supposed to treat depression.. trying to temper my expectations bc i’ve tried so many treatments that just do nothing for me, but i’d be lying if i said my hopes weren’t riding on this. i want to confidently say i’m glad to be alive. i feel like i’m getting closer to that
nurse parallel/machine girl (xiomara)
(old)
I am so excited... Tomorrow my experimental outpatient treatment plan begins!!! I'm beyond delighted. I have complicated feelings about my DID being in remission, but it's nice to feel stable enough to be in charge of something this big, and to not have terrible gaps in my memory anymore. I still don't remember everything that happened to me, but maybe I don't need to. At this stage of my life, I feel content. I can confidently say everything was worth it. I want to help others feel that way, too. I think I can.
(new)
I’m meeting up with a new friend tomorrow… I feel nervous, but it’s a good nervousness, I think!
336 notes · View notes
ivysprophecy · 27 days ago
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coincidence
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warnings: this isnt a very... girls girl chapter XD got inspo from that one scene in oth where haley slaps daneel ackles lol sooo underage drinking, cursing, drinks thrown in faces, hair pulling, reader being difficult XD idk what else
word count: 1490
prev. | next
masterlist
summary: things with jj had been great, steady even. it was a whole month of pure bliss, so is it a coincidence that you predicted this was gonna happen?
divider by @bernardsbendystraws
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things have been so great. jj and i have been great i should say rather. its likes nothing has changed but it has in the best ways.
and no ones said anything. no questions no pestering.
just us.
its been about a month since that day on the beach and to be truthful the sneaking around, stolen kisses, and small touches, its been so much fun.
granted i dont like lying to all of our friends but i think its been beneficial to our relationship. theres no pressure of any watchful eyes.
and its very helpful when they expect all the touching and glances anyway so like i said, its been easy and thrilling,
which leads us to now at a bonfire in the boneyard dancing and drinking and relaxing.
"im gonna go get another drink okay j?" he pats my thigh giving me that damn smirk.
"bring me one too mama, just a cup from the keg."
"you didn't use your manners maybank," i stand up looking back at him with a teasing smile.
he rolls his eyes tilting his head back pretending to be fed up with me. "please mama?"
"i suppose i can do that." i send him a wink. "ill be back in a minute, dont miss me too much."
"oh i miss you already," he smiles knowing exactly what its doing to me. hes sitting against the rocks with his legs spread and his arm splayed next to him resting against where i was sitting.
fuck he looks good. wanna take him home and climb him like a damn tree.
unfortunately to get to the keg i have to pass through the crowds of tourons, kooks, other pogues. its a giant mess of music, drama, and body odor.
with a few excuse me's and shoves i finally made it to the keg and coolers that house my preferred rum and cokes. i make my drink before grabbing jj's, marking the cups appropriately with one of the sharpies laying around.
ive only had three so its still legible.
doing my best to push past the crowds again with out spilling my drinks it takes a little longer to find my way back to my boyfriend.
who, when i turn past a group of people, i see him leaning against the rocks with some girl shoving her tongue down his throat. aggressively might i add.
so i do what any rational person would do in this situation. i threw my drink on her.
"fucking bitch!" i pull her off of jj by her obnoxiously long, thick, and blonde ponytail, "who the fuck do you think you are!? huh?! you like being a boyfriend stealing slut?"
"woah! woah? y/n-" i feel someone wrap their arms around my waist and pull me away from the girl, "take a breather i can explain-"
oh tell me he did not just say that.
"you can explain? you can explain how im gone for five fucking minutes and youve already got some dumb fucking touron wrapped around your finger? fuck that maybank! and fuck you!"
"mama! mama slow down! okay listen- just for two seconds listen to me!"
"i fucking trusted you!"
"you still can! i didnt kiss her!"
everyone has their heads turned in our direction at the sound of us bitching at each others face. including our friends.
this night just got shitty and its about to get a whole lot shittier. im not drunk enough for this. but somehow im also too drunk for this. you know what i mean?
"mama i wouldnt do that to you- cmon you know me. id never hurt you on purpose," jj pleaded for my sympathy.
i dont know if its the alcohol, the rage, or a combination of tonights events with the two. but i cant fucking deal with this right now.
"jj i saw you kissing her! dont fucking lie to me right now. i told you this wasnt gonna work. that it would be too much, too confusing, and that one of us was gonna do something the screw it up! but i prayed to god that it wouldnt be you j! and i NEVER wouldve thought itd be this soon. but i guess thats for the best right?"
"no! no its not- fuck. mama listen i didnt kiss her back! okay?! she was trynna feel up on me and talking about the island and shit and i tried to blow her off but she just-"
oh my god im seeing red.
i dont know whats true. i saw what i saw. i saw them kissing, and his body language didnt seem to convey that he didnt wanna be kissed. but maybe i saw it wrong? could i have? no. theres no way.
a good girlfriend would believe him, but isnt that just naive of me? what if he didnt want do this... i dont know. i dont know, theres no way. this is exactly what i was afraid of.
"jj dont start- i dont wanna hear it right now. i cant. i just cant. im done! im fucking going home. have fun with your little blonde!"
he goes and reaches for my arm trying to keep me close, letting out an exasperated sigh. "how are you getting home?"
"thats all youve gotta say right now? un fucking believable. ill walk home for all i care j but you need to let go of me right now."
"youre not fucking walking home y/n-"
"yes i am," i yank my arm from his grasp "and dont you dare follow me jj. im not afraid to have this fight right now but trust you dont want that. because you will stay single."
god i really wish i hadnt said that.
and with that i walk away without looking back. because i just cant help making things worse, its what i do best. i can already hear all the rest of the pogues running up to him with all these questions and i have no fucks left to give about it.
if he doesnt wanna answer them he can go back to the blonde girl. i wont be surprised.
what i am surprised about is to have john b run up behind me, turning me to face him gently.
"hey- um youve been drinking i dont really think you should walk home alone," john b, always playing hero.
"ill be fine jb. really. go back to sarah and jj ill be fine."
"you keep saying youll be fine but you look like youre about to cry."
damn. am i? i reach up to touch my face and feel a small trickle fall from the corner of my eye.
"look i wont bombard you right now just- let me walk you home? please? make sure youre safe?" i cant lie, itd be nice to know someone gives a damn about me right now.
"thanks john b... thats actually really nice of you," i wipe my tears away and sniff away the cracks in my voice.
how could i be so stupid? i dont do stuff like this. ever. and i just let it happen.
but i'm not wrong am? it cant be a total coincidence that i specifically brought this up with him and this is how it ends?
"... so... you and jj?"
"i thought you werent gonna bombard me?"
he throws his hands up in surrender "its only one question."
i sigh, throwing in the towel because one, hes my friend and he deserves to know. i shouldnt have lied to any of them. and two, it would feel nice to get some of this off my chest. "yea. me and jj. for about a month now.."
"a month??"
i send him daggers with my eyes warning him this is not the time as we walk down the dirt road that leads home to the chataeu.
"sorry- youre right. i wont bug you about it yet."
"yet," i let out a laugh that sounds bitchier than i meant it to be, "im sorry we didnt say anything... i was kind of afraid of this exact thing happening. wanted to keep it low key."
"i get it..." he leads me up to the door where he pauses for a minute. "but y/n/n, for what its worth i think you should hear him out. jj has done a lot of things, but cheating on you? thatd never be one of them."
i open the screen door taking off my flip flops as he speaks, unsure of how to take his suggestion.
"youre a really good friend john b. honest. but i need a little space from all of the jj talk right now. tell sarah im sorry i stole you from the party. have fun."
he nods understandingly, watching me flop onto the couch before walking back down the road.
i stare up at the ceiling thinking about how everything went so wrong so fast until sleep takes over.
198 notes · View notes
wingedstatesmanlandturtle · 2 years ago
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Telling off Mineta
|Izuku Midoriya|Katsuki Bakugo|Shoto Todoroki|Fluff|Female reader|
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It was a training day. Everyone was excited to finally be able to use their quirks after long boring classes, being able to burn off some energy. Everyone was in the changing rooms getting ready and changing into their hero costumes. Making small talk with each other wondering about what exercise Aizawa and All Might would make them do.
“I hope we get paired up today Iida. Ive been working on my powers and I want to see how well it would measure up to your super move!” Midoriya slide on his suit while thinking about how exactly he would use his shoot style and ways he could improve it.
“Youve been practicing well Midoriya, but your not the only one. Everyone has gotten stronger” Iida said tying up his shoes tight. It would be horrible if he used his quirk and he ended up tripping.
Midoriya turning to grab something overhears Mineta spouting on about someone. Midoriya has learned to ignore Mineta's antics until he heard who exactly he was spouting about. You.
Even though you didn't even attend UA that didn't keep you safe from Mineta's perverted antics.
“You’ve seen Y/N right? I hope she comes to visit UA again. The skirts at her school are so short. Mmm~ I just want to-” His speech came to a sudden halt when he felt a deadly grip on his shoulders. Glancing up he saw Midoriya with a...smile? “Mineta ...do you mind not talking about Y/N like that? I dont think its really appropriate to do so” Even though Midoryas face seemed warm his tone and grip on Mineta's shoulder told a completely different story.  
Mineta sucked in a breath “Y-Yeah of course. It was just a joke” His choice of word just agitated Midoryia more. “Yeah? Well the next time you decided to “Joke” about Y/N we will have a problem.” Mineta nodded his head quickly and Midoriya went back to Iida.
“You know what Iida. I wouldn't mind Mineta being my partner today either” He slammed his locker shut walking off. 
“What happened to Midoriyas locker?” Kirishima asked Iida looking at the door hanging off a single hinge. “Mineta” Iida simply said closing his and heading out to join the rest of the class.
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Everyone had settled in the cafeteria. Students bustling, utensils clattering, the mumbled tones of food-stuffed voices, it was utterly annoying to him. It's not the fact that it was loud, heck he could be louder than anyone in there. It was the catastrophe sound of it altogether. 
“...it was so cool to see! I have to train 100x harder to be on their level!” Baukgo was with his usual group. Kirishima was telling some story of a Hero he saw that morning. He wasn't fully listening only picking up on parts here and there. “Dude you train all the time. You train just as hard not if harder than everyone else here” Denki responded. “Yeah man, you will reach the Hero level sooner than you know it” Sero chimed in.
Bakugo was mostly in his own head. Thinking about training today school work and other things, but something pulled him out of his thoughts. Someone. A voice stood out to him, an annoying one at that. Bakugos sudden grown snapped Kirishima out of his story. “What's wrong man? What-” Bakugo instantly stood from the table hands slapping down and shaking it.
Hands in his pocket he walks up to him. “So I was thinking me and you could you know...” Mineta's hand reaches out to you but before it makes contact a shadow looms over him. Mineta looks up behind him. Bakugos eyes were narrow and livid “What were you trying to do with my girl you fucking pervert” His voice was low and dangerous. “Katsuki...” you said calmly. He clasps his hands on Mineta's shoulder his hands starting to spark. 
Mineta froze in place “Answer me when I ask you something shit face!” Burn marks starting to form on Mineta's shirt “OW! OW! N-NOTHING, I WASN'T TRYING TO DO ANYTHING” A sinister smirk came up on Bakugos face “You better pray we aren't paired up together for training. You won't live through it” He says letting go and walking towards you. “He didn't touch your right?” He asked you still slightly pissed off. You shook your head giving him a reassuring smile and placing a hand on his arm.
“I'm fine Katsuki. Thank you.” He smirks grabbing you and kissing you deeply so Mineta and everyone else knows that you are his and his only. Mineta kept his fat mouth shut for the rest of the day but was unlucky during the training session. He was with Recovery Girl for the next 2 days.
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It was pretty quiet in the classroom. Mostly hushed voices and paper rustling. Everyone was just waiting for Aizawa to roll into class. Todoroki was just reviewing notes with you until you stepped out to use the bathroom. 
Todoroki continued to review notes on his own until he could have sworn he heard your name. He glanced around the classroom looking until, there. He spotted Mineta talking to Kaminari and Sero in the back of the classroom. Gesturing towards the door you just walked out of with that gross look on his face that made Todoroki shrivel up in disgust.
“Did you see the way her legs looked? They're so slender and sexy”
“Bro I don't think you should-”
“And her bust! Oh man I was Y/N to just-”
An ice crystal soon shadowed the room. Mineta is displayed inside. “I strongly suggest you keep your perverse topic of conversation away from Y/N and all the other girls in class”
Todoroki said towards Mineta's frozen body before swiftly returning to his notes. “All right everyon-” Aizawa halted seeing the large spear of ice. Glancing towards Todoroki who innocently carries on with his studies. “What happened here?” He questioned everyone pointing at you as you coincidentally walk in. You stand there confused seeing an ice block and fingers pointed towards you slowly putting together what had happened. 
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gracieeegleegal · 11 months ago
Text
Shinning Beauty - Charlie Bushnell
Pt. 2 for my ballerina
Pov - your a profesional ballet dancer and Charlie is your boyfriend
Pairing - Charlie Bushnell x fem!Oc ballet dancer
@yn.ln
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Liked by dior.n.goodjohn, iamcharliebushnell, walker.scobell and 27,629 others
yn.ln - last of rehearsals before the show tmw night 🩰 Also HELLOOO? Episode 5 made me cry like a baby @percyjacksonseries
📸: @iamcharliebushnell
Comments
leahsavajeffries - so excited to see youuuu
↪️ yn.ln - even more excited to see you xxx
iamcharliebushnell - genuine question why do you always look so gorgeous 😍
↪️ yn.ln - stoooppp I love you so much 😭
dior.n.goodjohn - YOU BEAUTIFUL ANGELLLLL 😍
↪️ yn.ln - I LOVE YOU DIOR😘
walker.scobell - 🫅
↪️ yn.ln - don’t even I’m still sensitive
leenascobell - so excited to see my baby again it’s been too long
↪️ yn.ln - LEEEEENA MY LOVE
aryan.simhadri - how can you not cry while watching episode 5 is my question
↪️ yn.ln - RIGHTTTTTT my percabeth heart was SCREAMINGGG
↪️ iamcharliebushnell - I can confirm
@iamcharliebushnell
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Liked by yn.ln, aryansimhadri, momonatamada and 876,193 others
Iamcharliebushnell - can confirm she actually did cry watching episode 5 and later had to go outside to reflect on it
Tagged yn.ln
Comments
walker.scobell - she’s so real for that
↪️ yn.ln - walker your acting killed me in this episode
dior.n.goodjohn - bet she looks pretty even when she’s crying
↪️ iamcharliebushnell- she looks pretty all the time
↪️yn.ln - mr bushnell u sure do know how to make a lady blush 🤭
↪️iamcharliebushnell - what can I say I try my best for my girl
↪️ walker.scobell - get a room
yn.ln - DONT MAKE FUN OF ME OKAY IM A SENTIMENTAL PERSON
↪️ yn.ln - AND A VERY BIG PERCABETH SHIPPER
↪️ iamcharliebushnell - I know sweetheart I know
aryansimhadri- those cookies look so good 👀
↪️ yn.ln - THANK YOUUU I tried my best
↪️ walker.scobell - omggg I want to try them
↪️ yn.ln - I’ll bring you some
↪️ iamcharliebushnell - walker stop trying to steal my girlfriend
↪️ walker.scobell - WHAT DID I DO? I only asked her for some cookies man :(
i.am.andrew.alvarez - she’s like me Fr
↪️ yn.ln - you get me drew
@yn.ln
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Liked by iamcharliebushnell, walker.scobell, leahsavajeffries and 46,788 others
yn.ln - so incredibly thankful of everyone that came to see me tonight. Couldn’t have done it without the support of everyone. Special thanks to my man that no matter what is always there watching me across the room applauding me and supporting me as always. I love you Char 💕
Tagged iamcharliebushnell
Comments
dior.n.goodjohn - AHHHHH YOU WERE AMAZING 😍😍😍😍😍
↪️ yn.ln - stoppppp I love youuuuu
leahsavajeffries - you were for sure the best out there on stage
↪️ yn.ln - I love you leahhh 🫶🏻
iamcharliebushnell - I’ll always be there looking at you from the front row
↪️ yn.ln - and ill always be grateful of your presence 💕 I love you baby
leena.scobell - YOU WERE UNBELIEVABLE BEST BALLET SHOW IVE EBER SEEN
↪️ yn.ln - I love you leena 🫶🏻
user - I love the fact that Charlie always gives you flowers after a show
↪️ yn.ln - IKR! He’s all I’ve ever wanted best bf ever frr
walker.scobell - for someone who doesn’t watch this often I loved every second of it
↪️ yn.ln - awwwww I’m so happy you loved it 🫶🏻 thank you for coming tn
iamcharliebushnell - you were shining beauty tonight, how did I get so lucky?
↪️ yn.ln - ughhhh everyday you say something that makes me fall more in love with you 😍😭
yn.ln - BTW EVRYONE GO WATCH PERCY JACKSON SERIES SERIOUSLY ITS AMAZING 🤩
percyseries - looking like a real Aphrodite’s daughter
↪️ user - ?!?!???
↪️ user67 - WHAT DOES THSI MEAN
↪️ pjofan268 - HELLOOOO
↪️ yn.ln - 👀
@iamcharliebushnell
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Liked by walker.scobell, leahsavajeffries, yn.ln and 1,663,394 others
iamcharliebushnell - celebrating this beauties amazing work
Tagged yn.ln
Comments
dior.n.goodjohn - she was Beyond amazing tn
↪️ momonatamada - 100% agree
leena.scobell - she’s so talented omg
↪️yn.ln - 🫶🏻🫶🏻
leahsavajeffries - she’s so ethereal my god
↪️ iamcharliebushnell- why’d you think I feel in love with her?
yn.ln - I love you 💕
↪️ iamcharliebushnell- I love you more 💕
walker.scobell - thank for the dinner man 🙏
↪️iamcharliebushnell- bet ur loving not having to pay for once
↪️ walker.scobell - I really am 😗
@yn.ln
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yn.ln - and that’s an end for the night 💋
Comments
walker.scobell - that scream you gave scared me the same if not more that diors did
↪️ yn.ln - LMAOOOOO 😭
dior.n.goodjohn - baeee ur acting skills are on point
↪️ yn.ln - 👀
↪️ percyseries - 👀
aryansimadri - slayed the house boots down Houston Im deceased 💅
↪️ yn.ln - 💀Aryan bby that’s enough tik tok for today
Iamcharliebushnell - 😍
↪️ walker.scobell- we get it now shut up
↪️ leahsavajeffries- walker let them be it’s not their fault ur single
↪️ walker.scobell - yk sometimes I hate u
↪️ leahsavajeffries- no u don’t
708 notes · View notes
genderqueerdykes · 1 month ago
Note
how do you divorce your fears and distrust of men and your want to transition?
ive read a lot of your posts about anti-transmasculinity, and it all really struck a chord with me. ive been questioning whether or not i wanted to transition cause i was terrified i wouldnt be able to be soft or sensitive, or be able to cry and be empathetic. it was silly, because i never got that from trans men before i started self-harming with terf rhetoric, but now im petrified of becoming an angry abuser. and admittedly, a lot of the stuff regarding physical appearence got to me, i dont really think id be a pretty guy and its scary. though its not lost on me that the number one thing they always go to to dissuade trans men and mascs is physical appearence because as someone whis afab, your physical appearence seems to be the most important thing to people.
i keep going in circles and wondering if maybe im just a woman. im pretty femme so it sounds like its easier, i even try to compensate by trying to call myself a fem-aligned identity like demigirl or something. but the thing is i dont think ive ever felt like a girl. i dont feel like a boy either, but boyhood feels like a warm light that i desperately want to be a part of— but it seems like people are so quick to view you as a monster or a traitor if you do …. its scary. im sorry if any of this came off as weird. im just very lost.
good question!
the best way to do this is to look at it like this. constantly associating men with danger shows everyone that men cannot get better, and that men will always be dangerous and predatory. saying "men are just like that" makes it so they cannot improve, and that if a man does not behave that way, responding like 'wow, he's not like other men!' we're implying that men are always bad and pieces of shit and it's very rare for them to not be rude, mean, aggressive, etc. we're creating this cage that we place men and mascs inside of. it's not nature. it's not biology. it's not inherent or innate. it's a human invention, a cage of our own design.
men are not inherently abusive. a lot of men have been abused, themselves, and become victimized as opposed to abusive. others don't experience this at all. men are not going to inherently torture, abuse, or harm those around them. men having emotions around others is not an issue. men existing around others is not bad. it's okay to have that fear, but you're not destined to be abusive because you are or might be a man. it's not an inherent thing. men get abused too. many men are victims of abuse. many men are submissive and passive. it's not an inherent part of manhood
a lot of fear is placed on to men's shoulders from the moment they become or even realize they are one. the fear to be masculine and manly enough not to be degraded. the fear that if you don't work hard enough you won't be taking seriously. the fear of being harmed if you're too feminine or don't pass. the fear of people being rude or mean to you if you're too nice, friendly, dress a certain way, and so on. we harass men who don't conform to cisheteronormative manhood and hurt them if they aren't "manly" enough. is it any wonder men come out of this damaged, hurt and confused?
it's not your fault, you're responding to a complex issue that's not easy to grapple with. it's okay to be lost and confused, but it's also okay to be a man. men aren't inherently violent, shitty, dangerous, or predators. men are inherently men. that's it. i hope you feel a bit better soon, feel free to ask any more questions you may have! take care!
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icarusredwings · 2 months ago
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I love how you write call girl Wade and having her as gender fluid, honestly I live for a gender ambiguous take on him, it scratches the brain PERFECTLY
And Logan would be obsessed
Just constantly having Wade in his lap, not letting her get more than an arms reach away unless absolutely necessary for their little scams
Girl why you always in my inbox as anonymous.
Were friends. How am I supposed to tag you in cool posts if I dont know who you are.
I do like genderfluid wade and ive been messing around with them for a bit. Wade is literally the "I think im gender fluid but theres a gunfight going on 24/7 so idc about that rn"
So if logan were to genuinely ask, gently bring it up, Hed probably joke at first like wym haha im not a girl and logan would just blink and be like "Just be who you want to be" and suddenly- He's at a dress shop, sitting outside the dressing room awkwardly making eyecontact with the employees who walk by to see him holding 18 different dresses.
"Sir you cant smoke in here"
"You want me to put it out on your forehead?"
When wade comes out theyre in this really pretty kind of pinup dress. "What do you think!?"
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Logan sighs, puts it out on his boot and smiles fondly. "Well arnt you gonna spin around?"
So he does and then giggles. "It has pockets!"
So he looks up to the clerk like "What other colours you have of that?"
Wanda has all sorts of dresses now but her signature for gamble nights is a short sparkly one almost similar to sabrina carpenters and a garter with prada heels.
Even pearls. Real pearls to match what ever colour suit logan is wearing. A small "dibs" on her at all times.
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By definition Call girl means a sex worker who works by appointment only rather then standing the streets or working for a "any time" brothel.
Sometimes tables get suspicious.
"Whos the girl?"
"Ahh nutin. Just a call girl."
"You pay'er to walk around witcha or smth?"
"Something like that. I play better if I have someone pretty to look at instead of ya ugly mugs."
Pretty much, anyone who makes an appointment dies. Mainly because thats her profession. To butter up her targets, take'em home and then takem out in body bags. Since call girls are "higher class" then regular prostitutes they often have protection with cartel or mafia, especially in this particular setting.
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So yeah, sometimes Logan has to grit his teeth and play pimp. "Sell" Wanda off to a sorry sap but it makes him so happy to know she just comes back home and fucks him silly to soothe his jealousy. Its a rush lifestyle. Always on the go, always having the adrenaline of winning or the endorphins of flirting, leading them on, the relief that rushes down wandas back when she finally gets to kill them.
Its a great little scheme they have going on here but sometimes theres more trouble then they bargin for or sometimes one of the players will call wanda ugly and it sets Logan off and sends wade into a hysterical session of tears and refusing to let anyone see them for awhile without any make up on. It pisses patch off a lot actually because he works hard to make sure she feels pretty at all times, even telling her how pretty she is while holding her hair back and their head in the toilet. Cancer is not any kinder to them in this au but at the end of the day if Wanda can make everyone in this room want a piece of his ass while said ass is sitting on Patches lap? Theyre happy.
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