#and was able to see their progress. while others i didnt give them the same treatment 'they don't deserve my forgiveness'

[seariii]

In the state Haruka was, Muu continuing to bring food was futile. There is a certain point where the person starving to death can't eat, can't even drink water, it's physically not possible, their muscles atrophiate and can't pass food.

[aviradasa]

You’re writing for two of my babies so I’m gonna request two time and feel free to do only one of them or both 🥹

Can we have some headcanon for Larry Johnson x reader ? How do they met, how do they fell for each others and confessions ? Things like that…

Thanks you 🥹

I got you! This was fun to write. Hope you enjoy!

Larry johnson x reader hcs:how yall meet + confessions

Ok, so you met Larry At school in your art class. It was your first day, and you arrived around halfway through your guy's freshman year. You were seated next to him and it did not take long for yall to start up a conversation about the work yall were doing, then I progressed into chatting about music, hobbies, jobs, games..etc Only a couple of months in, you guys were practically inseparable. Something about you just clicked in place with him, and on the plus side, you and Sal also became friends during this time frame. You three kinda become a little trio for a while (cause the others weren't really close with them yet), and it was going really well until you started developing feelings for Larry. You told Sal about it pretty quick, and he was honestly just like, “Yeah, I already know. What do you wanna do about it?” Mr. Fuckin problem solver over here. Jk, but anyway, Sal is the single friend who everyone goes to for relationship help (same), so he tells you to basically just go for it cause he has a hunch that Larry might feel the same. (He knows for a fact cause Larry doesn't shut the fuck up about you, and as much as Sal loves you guys he can't stand it anymore lmfao) Now, while you are just starting to figure out your feelings, Larry's just settled in his by now and has been scoping you out to see if you feel the same before he makes a move. The dude does not like rejection, so he will not say shit until he's at least 85% sure he has a chance. Sal does hint to Larry that you have a thing for him just so that y'all will get this over with, but don't worry, he doesn't fully give you away. But with his hint, Larry was able to piece it together, and then it was on. You guys had already had a plan to meet at the park the next day and Larry decided that he was gonna tell you then. Funny Enough you had the same idea. The next day you both met up at the park. You All did normal stuff, Like messing around on The playground equipment like children, eating food you got from the gas station, smoking a blunt inside the tunnel, and basically just having an amazing time together Once the streetlights came on, you had to go home though. So Larry offered to walk you as it wasn't very far. You guys confessed to each other in front of your house. It was nothing fancy, and it was quite funny in both of you guys' opinions, But to make a long story short, you were honestly gonna pussy out and just go inside until he stopped you. He explained how he felt, and he didn't seem very nervous at all (he was scared as fuck inside). He just spoke calmly to you with a light smile on his face, and when he was done, you honestly didn't know how to react, almost thinking it was a joke or something. But you know that Larry wouldn't do you like that, After the initial shock, you finally managed to say something and admitted to him how you felt. You were a little awkward but he didnt mind. Thats just one of the reasons he loves you. The next day, when y'all came strolling into school together,nobody Was surprised,to be honest. They all saw this coming. Oh and Sal was very proud

[edsheerankinnie]

Ok im gonna piss of a whole fandom w this. but here we go lol

So ive been thinking abt She-ra lately (spop specifically) and ohmy god it fucking sucks. like i get so mad anytime i remember it, like and if anyone asks me abt it im gonna warn them do NOT watch this show FOR UR OWN GOOD. unless u dont mind an entire season of fanservice AND BY FANSERVICE I DONT MEAN NUDITY OR THE ANIME KIND, ILL GIVE YALL THAT, i mean specifically how they made catradora canon w virtually no other buildup than they were raised together and ooh they hate each other ouuh ;)) enemies to lovers oouogh🫦 like if ur gonna make a ship like theirs work its gotta have some sort of proper progression w their relationship right? But no, the ENTIRE time up until MIDWAY INTO THE LAST SEASON theyre constantly at each others throats like. its not even fun at that point, it just looks weirdly abusive and toxic. And hey, while were still here, catradora in execution is Such a bad ship bc like. They were raised together. by the Same Person. not even just under the Horde, theyre literally both raised by Shadow weaver. and before their rivalry and in several flashbacks their relationship moreso implicates sisterhood than anything. like idk i dont wanna get too bold here, but it just feels a little too close to !nc3st to just put them together like that?

Omg and lets talk about Fucking SHADOW WEAVER omg. like throughout the whole show were shown and told abt how much of an abusive parental figure she was to adora and especially catra right? But then at THE LITERAL VERY END, Shadow Weaver SELFLESSLY sacrifices herself to help catra and adora save the world. SHadow Weaver, whose entire essence was her desire for Power, who betrayed her own people to obtain it. Who's only semblance of a redemption was her working with the Princesses, just because she would be in a better position of power. no remorse whatsoever for how she treated the two as kids. Nevermind her fake-out to catra that one time, in fact that scene highlights just how easily she'll manipulate those close to her to get what she wants. and u expect me to just "oh wow shadow weaver is so noble for that! This is so sad! poor catra and adora, they lost their now-good mommy!" (again, *their* mommy, eugh). Like im having a hard time believing they were able to mourn her loss like that at all. We've seen them both have very complicated feelings about Shadow weaver. Ok well to be fair we didnt actually GET to see them mourn. which IS ALSO SOMETHING I HAVE ISSUE WITH

the SPEED AT WHICH THE 5TH SEASON RAN omg i HATED IT I HATE IT SO FUCKING MUCH. SO MUCH HAPPENING IN LIKE !) EPS OMG, and on top of that WE DONT EVEN GET A PROPER CONCLUSION???? U EXPECT ME TO BE SATISFIED W THEM ENDING THE LAST EPISODE 5 MINS AFTER SAVING THE WORLD????? And ohmygod DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON HOW THEY SAVED THE WORLD AUGHJLFDRCRJ IT WAS SO BAD Like girl i need SOME kind of CONCLUSION, not just "yay the horde is gone! sunshine and rainbows! bye bye!" GIRL WHAT THE FUCK??! WHAT HAPPENS AFTER??? I WANNA SEE THEM REBUILD ???? I WANT A FLASH FORWARD (AND NO ADORA'S 5 SECOND VISION WHILE SEEKING THE HEART DOESNT COUNT), I WANNA SEE EVERYONE ADJUSTING TO THEIR NEW LIVES. I WANT SOME SWEET SWEET BANTER. I DONT WANT TO READ A FANFIC DEPICTING ALL THAT BC THE CREW GOT LAZY. I WANT A NICE BASE FOR ALL THAT. U GET WHAT I MEAN??!?!?

I think i should mention that i am in no way shape or form homophobic or anything, i am literally the president of the fruitcake club, ok? but the catradora kiss was probably the worst canonization of a relationship in an animated series ever, period. Like really? while Adora's half dead?? and otherwise the whole world ends if u dont?? And with only 5 minutes of runtime left ?????? I am being edged. I am being edged in the worst possible way. I hate it so much. "Dont leave me adora! I LOVE you! I ALWAYS have!!" HUHHH???? U EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT????? "i love u too🥰" HUHHHHH???? GIRL WHEN DID THIS DEVELOPMENT HAPPEN??? U hung out for literally 3 DAYS and u expect me to believe u guys went from enemies to working out their issues to googoo eyes???? when there was HARDLY ANY OF THAT THERE TO BEGIN WITH???? also just the overall trope of "oh no the world is ending, if i kiss this guy it'll be saved" is sososo bad, idc if its a straight or gay couple, it is probably the most annoying trope ever. like gyattdayum i didnt know i was watching an old Disney movie. i thought this was an epic scifi my bad. Yall need a moment? Do u wanna fuck too? Maximize ur "power of love" slay so the world is extra saved? jesus christ. its the "true loves kiss" trope all over again. Like thats such a rude way to treat a ship too. I want to see it in action, i want to see real progression, ESPECIALLY bc its the main ship, not "ooh they might be gay!!11! ooh they might kiss :) oouhh" and then last second theyre like "btw theyre in love now ;)"

Like id *maybe* get it if there were time constraints like with TOH, id get it if they were like "the idea and concept were there, mr CEO wanted us to shut down the party." but from my research, they didnt really have any constraints like that. And im saying *maybe* bc like with TOH for instance, even though they were forced to cut the show in half, they still delivered everything to progress and end the show properly! They had an *afterword*! they had Lumity and Huntlow and Raeda!! And oh my god the progression of Lumity is so sweet and beautiful! we get to see their "enemy" phase, we get to see them fall for each other, we get to see them date, we get their First Kiss!! We get to see how much they care for each other!! And sure, on the flipside we dont really get to see Huntlow. But thats bc the show got cut before it could *really* take off. There was supposed to be a whole season of Willow and Hunter's hijinks while the gang was in Connecticut. There was supposed to be a whole season of the gang adjusting to Connecticut! We were supposed to see the Archivists involvement and the ultimate showdown in the 4th season!! But they had to be economical bc of the cut, right? So they made a montage of Connecticut, they made three separate, HOUR LONG episodes depicting what couldve happened in the 3rd and 4th seasons. we get to see Willow reciprocate Hunters feelings in the 2nd ep! And most importantly, we get a real conclusion!! we get to see everyone rebuild, we get to see how theyve adjusted, how their lives and relationships have changed. We get a satisfying moment for it all to sink in. we get to properly say our farewells to the characters. All loose ends are properly tied! The Owl House may not be in my top list of cartoons, but u have to admit, it has a very good and satisfying conclusion. And all that with such intense time constraints too.

Now dont get me wrong, She-ra and its characters is written incredibly well (mostly) and its LGBT/POC rep is a game-changer. Heck, i loved Scorfuma, and that was only crumbs of a side ship. And the character designs/animation/colors are absolutely gorgeous, like that is honestly what probably pulled me to watch this show. Im just disappointed in what couldve been, yk? It had so much potential. especially in its last season, it just feels like the writers had too much setup and didnt know how to resolve it. 2/10 would not recommend.

[v41entine]

ok my thoughts on the veilguard character creator ✨

I TOOK NOTES, i only focused on creating my pride n joy Onan, I haven't fully fully explored the CC but i still clocked in just over 2 hours LMAO (i also didnt rly take in progress screenshots so sry </3 i foolishly wrote my notes by hand n now im typing them up bc i wanna talk abt it lol)

In order of discovery:

✨Pronouns being separate from GENDER + nonbinary options (i think i already knew this but still !!! :)))

Adjustable Height - YAY but I wish there was some visible comparison in game since it scales by percentage, like i want a tall elf/dwarf but how tall r we talking in game yk?? or a short qunari? can i get a scale for height comparison if u dont wanna give numbers for in game heights at least orz

CURLY HAIR with decent physics MWAH (wish these were organized by length or smth lol)

lighting options 👍 (finally)

INTERESTING TAKE on the skintone/complexion system, I rly liked it!! would be nice to see other devs emulate!

acne :) i'll hav to explore the complexion options a bit more but having acne options is nice!! i like when characters can look normal idk <3

(are there vitiligo options i haven't found them yet??? or is it just that one slider)

the option to remove the hair while adjusting the face/head features is GENUINELY GALAXY BRAINED !!!!!!! would be nice if utilized for adjusting the complexion too just bc after i made that mf bald i noticed a bunch of random freckles i hadnt before so :T

(what does the chin bump do, idle animations can make it hard to distinguish if anything is changing, why do some of these idle animations look like they r grimacing lol, A LOT OF SUBTLE CHANGES, not as exaggerated as I was maybe expecting tbh?)

undergarment style 👍

body proportion sliders, nice but nothing dramatic

eye height asymmetry ! lots of asymmetry options !!

hooded eyelids specifically UM, there's a slider, i wasn't super impressed w/ it but maybe it was just the preset i chose?? i was worried about like, v hooded/monolidded eye shapes not being an option but the inquisitor preset i played around with looked decent so?? maybe i need to explore it more

Heterochromia, eyebrows and eyelash options are all 👍:)

FUN COLOR SYSTEM (this note was specifically abt the hair, but its the same for p much all coloring options)

is there no way to actually adjust the lip shape/cupid's bow?? 😔

CUSTOMIZABLE VALLASLIN IS COOL (was personally hoping for dao's tats to be an option but that's for my own specific machinations lol i think regional vallaslin/different takes is rly cool !!! like the way dialect changes over generations/locations YK???)

body tats r also cool, i think they could have included some vallaslin specific ones??? esp since theyre confirmed slave markings and we see how detailed fenris' are it stands to reason traditional vallaslin would follow the same pattern but OH WELL

scar options and customization !! being able to adjust the color and intensity is a nice touch

✨✨✨TOP SURGERY SCARS :)))) only the one option but 1) it's there and 2) it is specifically titled Top Surgery scars <333 (i feel like volition was SO CLOSE with the "surgical scars" in SR22 but they were just too scared to fully commit and left it vague, so for bioware to pull the trigger ITS NICE a step in the right direction 🥰)

OUTFIT PREVIEWS WHEN CHOOSING CLASS AND THEM CHANGING BASED ON FACTIONS IS SICK!!!!! (also seeing the differences between Aspirational Armor, Casual, and Starting Armor is sooo smart tbh)

love the previews when choosing a class!!! combat looks v fun!!! idk how i feel abt the warriors lmaooo they seem sooo. anime-y? Also Death Caller (drain life from enemies? ok) aka socially acceptable blood mage ig ??? 😒 bring back problematic mages !😑) all the rogue subclasses looked cool bc its the best class next question😌

backstories and factions seem really fun and cool, the faction passives are sick but EYE PERSONALLY still dont think i would compare it to origins. maybe my opinion will change once i play !

Voices. 😐 crawling-in-my-skin.mp3. I am NOT a fan of voiced player characters and i wish it could have been an option to just. not be voiced! (like WHYYY am i an antivan crow without an antivan accent UGHHGHGUGH🤮 GET AWAY FROM ME) u can make the voices slightly deeper ig. 😒

no tapestry !! no offense it was a cool system but soooo tedious! i appreciate inquisition's history being streamlined like this (which means fuck u to dao/da2 ig?? LMAO NEWAY im guessing no kieran?? n no after effects from the well of sorrows??? 🤔🤔🤔)

Inquisitor prosthetic 👍

oh my god i cant find any of the screenshots i took of my son fuck my entire stupid gayass life bye.

[harumasafart]

Jedi survivor comes out TOMORROW! heres my current thoughts n shit

im excited. not exactly hyped as i could be as im more excited for totk coming out in a few weeks. but ik this game is gonna be awesome. ign and some other game critics rated this game suuuper high. the lowest rating so far is 81% on metacritic, which was bombed by one random whiny 50/100 review. so i think its safe to say its gonna be good lol

i saw another review and i didnt wanna read much for spoilery things, but i read the first 2 sentences which said they wanted to focus on the important quest but kept deviating to explore elsewhere, and said “that doesn��t feel very jedi knight.” but from the interviews i’ve read with cameron, the point he emphasized most was that these are trying times in the universe and we are going to see cal do unconventional things that aren’t what a classic jedi would do, because he can’t do that. plus it’s a video game, if you feel bad about doing side quests, then that’s your problem. games need extra content other than a main story (this was fallen order’s biggest flaw in my opinion).

i have a slight feeling the negative reviews are from people who aren’t exactly attached to the previous characters. a big part of fallen order that made it as fantastic of an experience as it was for me was that i immediately connected with the protagonist and other characters. their emotional journeys meant something to me, and it was a very emotionally impactful experience to see it play out as i progressed. watching cal come to term with his fears and dark past, he was able to reach a new level of strength needed to face darth vader and escape with his life. and while it’s not a dramatic end to the story, they end up back in square one, it’s still important. it’s easy to dream big and want to restore the jedi order. but finding these kids puts them at risk. when they reach the end of the story, they realize they should let the force decide the futures of the force sensitives, instead of deciding it for themselves. i believe cal’s mentality was along the lines of “i don’t want others to experience the same suffering i’ve been through because of my own actions.” and he has visions of himself turning to the dark side and having to kill what he sought out in the first place. the fear and likelihood of failure is too much of a risk, even if it’s the only option they have left.

the whole point of this series is how these characters are entering dark times where they need to make increasingly harder decisions. lines are blurring and survival is slimming. having some sort of attachment to these characters is important. who these characters are and what compels them to do what they do is vital to appreciating any story. so in short, anyone who’s giving an extra low rating probably didn’t understand it.. or care about it. i understand just wanting to play a game, but when reviewing something, you can’t ride off the plot because it didn’t spell out everything for you. im sure this game will also have a heavy deal of nuance, which we saw a lot of in andor as well (which gained the same sort of criticism. people not caring enough to fully understand. just wanting cool action sequences). and we know sw fans aren’t exactly the brightest sometimes😊

anyway im totally just rambling for the sake of making this post longer. i don’t have any predictions, i already know its gonna be good 🤷‍♀️

things i dont want: romance. we just dont need it. (and fans of a certain ship can SHUT UP AND DIE)

[okkottsus]

I love reading your analysis of Nagireo!

One thing I was wondering, what do you think of Nagi (foreshadowed) future slump?

I feel like things will get dire for him, and I can't help but wonder how Reo would react.

Nagi feels very... emotionally immature and while Reo can be very fiery and we saw how emotional he can get, he's the one that feels more in touch with his own emotions and has better life experience.

For better or worse, being away from Reo forced Nagi to confront his own feelings more.

I wonder if Reo won't realize they got back together too early and leave him (this time maybe more amicably? Or maybe force himself to leave him) for his own sake.

Ego's dialog feels very ominous... they were very happy in that moment but there is a very sense of "now what?".

thank u so much, i feel like i never express myself well enough esp with characters and relationships im passionate abt so that means a lot 🥺

yeah i get what u mean about nagi's emotional immaturity...in the latest match, when isagi asked him how he was able to make his best play yet a reality, nagi  didnt really understand what had happened. he only wanted to beat isagi, that has been his first goal, the first step to achieve the bigger dream he shares with reo. 

and while he himself couldnt see that, reo was the first to notice despite everything that happened between them, so he created a chance for him to have a 1v1 with isagi. 

the problem is that, as isagi points out later, if u dont understand how u made something happen, you probably wont be able to be consistent and replicate it (this has been a recurring theme of blk since the start of the manga):

a goal that u only made happen because u had the person who knows u the best and is your closest friend give you exactly what you need in the moment, has little value in the grand scheme of things. Without a clear goal and reo’s help, nagi wouldnt have been able to do something like that. 

So the next step he should be taking is working on his weapons, instead of relying on the perfect opportunities reo can provide him with.

maybe its time for nagi to try and catch up to reo, and not only in terms of play-making 

but also in terms of self awareness 

i also love the fact that while reo can seem completely selfless when he declares this, he is also completely selfish, cause at the end of the day hes doing this for his dream, for himself. he loves playing with nagi and making him score goals, but his hard work which got him to where he is now doesnt rely on nagi being there, he hasnt abandoned himself in favor of nagi. 

BUT he still seems to always choose nagi over anyone when they are playing together and even though my shipping heart is tempted, i think thats not a good thing at all... cause their cooperation may be top class, but it also makes them predictable after a while. 

reo has learnt to play without nagi, but he needs to learn how play with nagi without forgetting everyone else on his team. 

so the way i see it, reo has made more significant progress than nagi, but he still needs to work on seeing the bigger picture when nagi is by his side.

nagi on the other hand has even more things he needs to work on. he shouldnt feel reassured bc of that one (miracle) goal or bc he managed to beat isagi once. if he ended up satisfied with just that, then he wouldnt belong in the world of professional players

Ego is right when he said that confidence and delusion are 2 different things. Nagi needs the power that will enable him to fight alone in any situation and to obtain that power, he has to confront his feelings, his weapons and his shortcomings. and that demands soul searching, practice and a lot of thinking, all things i bet nagi thinks are a pain pftt.

but i want to be optimistic and think of this as another challenge he (actually, both of them) will have to conquer. im very conflicted though, cause the way i see it, what reo needs to work on now requires them to be on the same team, while what nagi needs to work on requires alone time.

in conclusion, things may have worked out between them in terms of understanding each other, but im hoping they start understanding themselves more; acknowledging their weaknesses and taking the necessary measures to overcome them. 

i do think that reo the way he is now is more likely to realise what needs to be done than nagi, whose issues are the most urgent in my opinion. so i can def see them going their separate ways for a while again, whether its reo making that decision, or nagi, or both of them together (with the latter being the ideal for me).

[trashcanfills]

Self Aware Genshin Impact - How It All Begin

I did a post on the Lore of Divine Nature which talks abt the player and developer roles in relation to this SAGAU thingy, so now for one of the fun parts: awakening of the first vessel!

It all starts with the traveller and Paimon (no one includes in Paimon so Im doing it). Traveller would be aware of this presence that takes over them while they are on their journey, and at the start it makes them worried cus their autonomy is essentially gone. Being controlled by an external force they cant see is bound to make one really suspicious and paranoid. The potential abuse of this power is not to be taken lightly.

However as their journey continues, the traveller would realise that this odd entity has been helping along to make their journey a lot smoother. Yes they are compelled to do/say certain things (which at times feels embarrassing or irritating) but in the end the traveller is still on the journey to explore Teyvat and reunite with their sibling, and a lot of what the entity does is helping them by a large amount.

This realisation plus being empowered by an external entity causes the Traveller to realise how…restricting the world is when the Entity takes control. Everyone else sticks to speaking similar dialogues if it is unrelated to progress of their journey, though the vision bearers and archons have noticeably more freedom in what they can do. The Traveller themselves cannot even speak of their own accord, limited to shouting their attack names or occasional grunts and cries of pain and exhaustion.

Traveller does ask about it later to Paimon when the Entity doesn’t take control, aka player is offline. Paimon would be the one to admit the same thing. Though most of the stuff she talks abt is actually her and not compelled to, there is this odd force that forces her to keep silent whenever the Entity takes control of the traveller and does weird things that she would normally comment about. Paimon would also admit that Teyvat itself is actually created by a group of immensely powerful entities, for a specific god. She has that knowledge because she herself has a direct interface with the god themselves aka the Paimon Menu.

Thanks to Paimon, the suspicion of who is limiting and controlling Teyvat into repetitive dull state doesnt go to the player but to the group of immensely powerful entities aka the developers. They essentially bounded the world of Teyvat using specific kinds of runic spells (coding lmao) so it does not endanger its own existence, but also to limit the land itself for the god they dedicate it to (player). This group might even be mistaken to be the Celestial gods.

From Paimon’s observation and knowledge, the God that takes control of the Traveller is only able to commandeer certain vessels that they are given, and so far has a mostly benevolent presence? Since its, you know, helping them along with their journey.

At that, the Traveller asks Paimon if it is possible to free Teyvat and its people from the controlling force implemented yet still ensure Teyvat can exist on its own safely. Paimon isnt too sure because meddling with the runic inscriptions themselves are incredibly difficult, and the potential of breaking Teyvat is quite high since they have lack of experience to any of this.

That does not mean they give up however! The traveller thinks they should try to figure out how to subtly move around the instructions of the runic seals, like by doing some things that the seals didn’t account for, or completing the instructions of the seals in a way that they didnt expect (basically following the games code only to a technicality when possible).

Paimon takes a while to understand lmao but is eager to help along since technically the land of Teyvat should be free from such oppression. Both her and the traveller understand protecting the land from imploding itself, but to restrict it and its people to the point of no autonomy is not fine.

They also do their best to recruit in others that are known to be vessels (which Imma get to later uwu), and then slowly along the way drag in the entire cast of playable characters for help.

The traveller often wonders about what kind of entity the God (the player) is, for them to have an entire world created and dedicated to them, and to be able to control vessels like him yet only content to help them along with their quests instead of more nefarious purposes. Controlling vision bearers is a power that many would die to abuse for their own gain. Yet this Divine Being..? How powerful and amazing are they to receive such a gift and not abuse it (not realising that the player are restricted themselves lmao)?

Of course in the meantime the player is completely unaware of these certain changes since it occurs offscreen. Little do they know it’s the snowball that launches an entire avalanche of odd happenings here and there…

[komoreangel]

𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬/𝐨

pairings: childe, zhongli, and xiao x f!reader (separate)

scenario: your past lives never stop haunting you, but your boyfriend is there to comfort you

request: What about Childe, Zhongli and Xiao having a s/o who can reincarnate, but her past lives were really terrible people and she sees herself as one? So they comfort her, telling she isn't one

genre: mostly angst with cuddles and kisses in between

childe

you’ve been lost in your thoughts for a couple days now

you can’t stop thinking about it

the blood staining your hands

what your past reincarnations did

what you did 

childe can tell something’s wrong

he can sympathize with feeling guilt for lives taken by your own will 

as someone who’s killed countless people, he recognizes the look of searing guilt in your eyes all too well

“y/n, is something wrong?”

you don’t answer

you have your head in your hands, and you’re sitting on the edge of your bed with your eyes facing the ground

he can tell you’re not completely there with him 

“y/n?”

“i hurt them.” 

he knows about your reincarnations, you’d told him when you two started dating

“hey, are you okay?” he pulls your wrists away from your face 

“how did this happen?” your voice is quiet, almost that he can’t hear it 

you look up at him and the darkness in your eyes is familiar

too familiar

he promised he wouldn’t let this happen to you too

“y/n. snap out of it.” 

no reaction

he grabs your shoulders and grips them, making sure you’re staring straight into his eyes 

“i can’t stop thinking about it.” 

he pulls you into his arms 

“y/n, you are not your past lives. you are someone new, you are someone different. you are brave, you are strong, you are not responsible for what they did.”

“but it doesn’t change the fact that it was me. i took their lives.”

childe can see he’s not getting through to you

“i know. i know it’s hard. i know you never really forget the look in their eyes. and it’s okay. its fine. just please don’t feel guilty for a death you didn’t cause.” 

“but how can i? how did- how did you...” 

you stop talking for fear of upsetting him

he wants to tell you that he didnt stop hurting

he didnt get over it

he wakes up in a sweat fearing that the things he did will cause him to lose the good things he has

but that’s not something he can bring himself to say 

so he just hugs you as you cry 

because he knows you’re not a terrible person 

because a terrible person wouldn’t have it in their hearts to love him 

and although you don’t feel any less guilty

it’s better having him with you than being alone

zhongli 

as someone who knows a thing or two about reincarnation

and also as rex lapis, who hurt people during the archon war

when you sneak into his arms for cuddles he doesn’t protest

“darling, is there a problem?”

you remain silent. 

after a while, your quiet voice echoes out into the dark

“i was a terrible person.”

out of context, this would seem confusing

but he understands

“those people aren’t you.” he tries his best to speak words of comfort, but your tears continue to wet his shirt (not that he minds, he just doesn’t like it when you cry) 

“i...i killed so many people..” 

he holds you close to his chest, so you can hear his heartbeat 

“a reincarnation of you, someone who has almost nothing to do with you...you aren’t a bad person, y/n.” 

your guilt burns in your chest

you know zhongli is only trying to help

but you still can’t just forget what your past life did 

“but that was me...just, different.” 

he tries to comfort you in the best way he can: by explaining 

“a reincarnation is described as sharing the same soul, but otherwise having nothing in common. you and all your reincarnations are completely different people, with nothing in common.” 

you know he’s right 

but you just want your chest to stop hurting and those memories to stop coming back 

“it might help to get some sleep,” he says. 

but sleep is the last thing on your mind right now

“even if you’re not tired,” he continues as if he can read your mind

“just closing your eyes for a bit” 

you don’t feel like sleeping, but it can’t hurt to listen to him

you lean against his chest and close your eyes

he looks down at you and wishes he could take all your pain away 

he wishes he still had his godly powers 

surely there wouldve been some ability that he could use to help you 

unfortunately, just hoping won’t be able to do much

so he holds you close and hopes you stop feeling guilty for crimes that you didn’t commit 

and when you wake up, he’ll remind you that he loves you because of all the good things you do every single day 

xiao 

your regret is not all that different from his own

the sight is all too familiar 

you’re curled up in a ball in the corner of the balcony at wangshu inn 

“y/n, come out of there. i can see you perfectly well.” 

you come out and rest your forehead against his chest 

he can sense that you aren’t holding up too well 

the only difference between your guilt and his own is that you aren’t responsible for the bad things your reincarnations did or may have done 

“it’s not your fault. you couldn’t have done anything.” 

he does feel sympathetic for you, but he’s firm in the fact that you have nothing to do with the past memories that have come flooding back 

he notices that you’re wrapping your arms around him in a hug 

he’s not the best at comforting, but he tries his best to return your embrace 

he’d rest his chin on the top of your head if you started crying

most likely he would try to calm you down and help you relax because crying for a long time can get you sick

and that’s the last thing he wants 

he would also let you sit on the couch in your room with almond tofu 

if you wanted he would even let you sit on his lap and eat 

(although he’d scold you if you got food on the couch) 

he might run his fingers through your hair at an attempt to make you feel at ease 

he does like cuddling, but this time you aren’t cuddling out of happiness 

it’s understandable why you’d be distressed during a time like this, but he feels like you’re being sad over something you didn’t do 

even if he’s unable to convince you that you’re innocent, he’ll still be there for you 

the little things he’d do to help you feel better :(( 

and kiss your nose and forehead hhhh 

feeding you almond tofu and whatever other food he can make without burning down the inn

if anyone comes to see you with a commission he would tell them you aren’t feeling your best and to come back later

(and they’d probably pee their pants because of the intimidation levels he’s giving off) 

holding your hand and carrying you to bed if you fall asleep 

oh god xiao please hold my hand pls jfdksghsla

if you go a bit too long with being sad he might tell you you’re being ridiculous and that your past lives don’t deserve your tears 

harsh, but he just hates it when you’re unhappy 

he would force you to go outside if you haven’t gotten sunlight in a while

and slowly but surely your guilt might die down 

it could take a while but xiao is willing to wait as long as it takes 

as long as he gets to see your smile again and hear your laughter because to him those are the most beautiful things in the world 

a/n: they were all pretty angsty except for xiao’s...which had a happy ending. it took a bit longer to write but i really like the end product so i hope you guys enjoy! as of february 7, requests are CLOSED while i write the other ones i have in progress. they will open once all pending requests are written and posted! ty <3

[constellaj]

Can you please talk more about your very cool valerie and cujo concept ? Because honestly that's such a big brain take. I almost always see danny having cujo as a companion but never valerie. Is she going to ride cujo into battles instead of using the hoverboard ?

OKAY SO

in the reboot valerie has actually been fighting ghosts for a WHILE now. actually the audience finds out at the same time danny finds out-- when hes miles high in the sky going after a ghost and this RANDO comes outta nowhere. hold on i have some super rough sketches i did the other day for these bits

the "red huntress" is, according to her, Amity Parks *ONLY* ghost-busting superhero, and amity doesn't need another one;

at school of course danny is complaining about this rando getting on his case (he has no idea who she is) and hes rambling and yelling like "who does she think she IS??? i'm the SUPERHERO AROUND HERE" and sam just blankfacedly goes "dude, shes been superheroing for longer than you." tucker/sam pull up an article on valerie and her stunts from a while ago (altho shes of course just a "mysterious figure" and is more often than not cited as a cryptid, because at this point in the story ghosts are still largely a superstition in amity park) (to elaborate a little, my amity park isnt haunted primarily because of the fenton portal, but it just happens to be a ghost hotspot; val has been fending off ghosts for a couple years now)

at the same time theres also parallels between val/danny regarding the superheroing thing, eg val's dad would think its a waste of her time or too dangerous, etc. the above panel isnt like a final concept but i think it would be rly neat/funny if val also had a friend or two who was the sam/tucker to her secret identity (cant have it be paulina or dash tho bc reasons)

val brings cujo with her everywhere and he just sits in her backpack and he looks. real dumb. and causes so many problems.

danny is never gonna figure out her secret identity btw and she’ll never figure out his i just like it more that way (well except for the big plot twist/finale-ish episode but thats besides the point)

ANYWAY backstory ive rambled long enough as is dancing around the point UHHHHHHHHHHHH

cujo is valerie’s dog. also a halfa

(old art, no longer final)

val has had cujo since before he was a ghost he is just a very excitable lil pubby and she loves him very much

BASICALLY wulf (who is more of a typical wolf/dog and way more malicious) opened up a portal directly ON cujo a couple years ago as an attack

(last one is old art)

but because of how danny phantom rules are, this turned cujo into a halfa instead of outright killing him. this whole Incident(TM) of course gave val an anti-ghost vendetta in 0 seconds flat and now shes got it out for every ghost in amity, wulf especially. after getting over the terror that is your puppy now being able to shapeshift into a MASSIVE GLOWING GREEN DOG, she learned how to train cujo to use his ghostly abilities to their advantage so they can protect amity park better! in ‘normal form’ cujo still looks like a completely average dog (and has more difficulty flying etc without specific commands) so its not really suspicious

valerie hand-made everything else she uses to fight ghosts, including the costume and whatever weapons she has (I still haven’t decided on a signature weapon)-- no hoverboard at all (yet. seasons progress), instead, yes, she rides Cujo into battle! with a few whistles/commands she can have him fly, turn intangible, etc, helping them stay in pursuit of anything that dares attack amity park

i really wanted to keep cujo tied with valerie bc it felt weird to me that he was only used in getting val her powers and then just. didnt come up again (i know the afterlife “moving on” bit was implied but. youd think val would at least adopt a dog later or something). and i also really wanted to cut out vlad giving val her stuff and instead give her her own agency- she is a black belt, after all. so this is the final concept, and man am i pleased w it :)

she still hates danny and they end up being like absolute rivals and she doesnt trust a ghost as far as she can throw it but it becomes more of a bickering-over-how-to-save-the-day one than her directly trying to kill him (until he fucks up, majorly, and even then danny also gets on HER nerves intentionally because, hello, he’s the GHOST EXPERT here). and of course of course the ending of the red huntress DEBUT episode is 100% them having to set aside their differences and work together to defeat Wulf and his owner

[jophiares]

Share some smt 3 thoughts with me, I've heard you have them

i have a lot lol

first and foremost i want to preface this by saying that smt5 is my first smt. didnt know basically anything abt the franchise before hand.

smt3 is a beautiful game visually, tonally, and musically. i was really quite shocked at how cinematic the cutscenes were, and the excellent use of lighting and colors to convey tone. its a game that continuously keeps you on your toes.

however, the game falls flat with its characters (not as bad as smt5 tho.) i am currently watching a playthru of smt4 and its giving me everything i could want story wise and more. this being said, i actually think the lack of characterization (at least, that the player witnesses) works well in smt3's case, but i do wish there was at least more of a preface with chiaki and isamu since they are supposed to be childhood friends. seeing their progression, while understandable seeing that they are high schoolers in a post apocalyptic world, gives whiplash since they change so much in between the times you interact with them. i wish theyd be given the same care as hijiri or even futomimi.

in terms of alignments, none of them are even remotely good choices, but they are all very human choices. when i first said i had a lot of thoughts abt the game, they were negative due to the characters and alignment, but as time passed and i thought about the game as a whole more, the more it made sense.

one of the most important things abt an artpiece is the time when it was made. i feel like the main characters views are something a lot of people couldve aligned themselves with at the time. however, it can fall a bit on deaf ears with newer fans who dont have a lot of context. but similarly to the games gameplay, smt will not hold your hand.

as for the endings themselves, i like how there is a grief that carries on into the new worlds due to the fact that the creators of said world do not get to experience it for themselves. it is the cherry on top to the overwhelming feeling of loneliness that is present throughout the game.

the true demon ending though, while being just as open ended as the other endings, rings a bit different. i know naoki gives up his humanity to gain a demons heart and therefore could not create a reason of his own, but i kinda wish there was something more than him becoming lucifer's general (even tho the visuals of it is really cool.) if they wouldve expanded upon this ending in a new game plus, i think it wouldve solved this. (but seeing smt5 as a direct sequel to smt3 fixes this, since it ties this ending with smt5s beginning.)

overall, i still wish youd be able to see the alignment characters form their actual reasons a bit more solidly than you do in the game--or at least for chiaki and isamu. the game is wonderful for tone and non-traditional storytelling, but i believe a few tweaks would make it an even bigger masterpiece than it already is.

[justlightlysedated]

Ooooo....I love your work, can I request them all???? If I must...welcome home kisses or we'll face this together kisses? Both are giving me all the Malex feels right now!!

21. "we'll face this together" kisses

Michael sits in his truck, arms propped on the closed tailgate, chin resting on his arms as he looks out to where the sky seems to disappear into the ground at the line of the horizon, the stars shining brightly, with no moon in the sky, obscured in certain areas by dark clouds.

Alex watches him for a long moment, lying down on the mattress, covered in a scratchy blue plaid sheet because he was only in his boxers and didnt feel like getting dressed. Michael had stayed lying down with him, until Alex guessed, he'd thought Alex was asleep.

Only then he had moved from Alex's arms and to the other side of the truck, looking at the sky with a melancholy look on his face.

Alex had turned on his stomach, opening his eyes to look at Michael, and had gone from content to quietly worried.

He doesn’t know much about Michael other than what the rumours say, and what he’s seen with his own eyes around school, but in moments like these, they don’t really talk at all.

Alex wishes they did though, because he wants to know if Michael being all quiet and introspective is a new thing or if that's just how he is when no one is around.

Alex continues watching him for a couple of minutes, wondering if Michael notices that he's watching or if he thinks that Alex is still asleep.

And then Michael sighs, and turns his face, eyes closing, and the look on his face is so heartbreaking, that Alex doesn't even really think about it before he's tugging the sheets around him and getting off the mattress, dropping into the space behind Michael.

He leans his head against Michael's back, wrapping one arm around Michael's waist, but just barely, staying tense and waiting until Michael melts into his hold, slumping forward a little, and settling one of his hands over Alex's on his waist.

Alex presses his cheek to the back of Michael's neck and breathes out.

"I know that I may not understand what you're going through," Alex says softly. "But I am here if you want to talk about it."

Michael just shakes his head, and tightens his fingers around Alex's, overlapping their fingers and holding on tight.

Alex wants to say so many things, starting with, you're not alone, and ending with, I'll always be here. 

But he can't say the words, he can't lie. Every day since graduation his father is getting more and more unsubtle. Alex is waiting for the day that he gets home and is given an ultimatum.

Join a branch of the military or suffer the consequences. And Alex is sure that he can handle anything that his father throws his way, but he knows that he won't be able to take it if he switches tactics and hurts Michael again.

Alex stays silent instead, but he can't help but press a kiss to the back of Michael's neck, hidden right beneath the mass of curls, thinking about everything that he's too scared to say.

Michael doesn't say anything, just tightens his fingers even more, like he can tell exactly what Alex is thinking. 

Alex presses another kiss to Michael's neck, and Michael shudders, turning his head to the side like he's trying to look at Alex.

"We don't talk much or at all," Alex continues, keeping his face pressed to Michael's back. "But I'm here if you need me. You don't have to go through this alone."

Michael makes a low noise and he moves, making Alex let him go. He leans back on his heels and Michael turns to face him, eyes darting all over Alex's face for a long moment, before he pushes himself up to his knees and settles his right hand against the back of Alex's neck, pulling him in for a messy kiss.

-

They don't talk about it for over ten years.

-

Alex sits on the steps that lead down to his backward, his crutch within easy reach, as well as the stair railing, just in case he has to get up quickly, but it's been a few days since they got Kyle and Max back, safe and whole, and if a disaster props up while he's trying to enjoy his coffee in peace and quiet, then it's going to have to wait.

He feels more than hears Michael's presence at the open back door, but he doesn't let on that he knows Michael is there, deciding to give him how much ever time he needs to gather his thoughts.

Last night had been the first time that they'd slept together, only slept together, in the same bed in a long time, and he didn't doubt that Michael needed some time to deal with the vulnerability of the moment. God knows Alex needs more than a few moments.

Alex continues to drink his coffee, and breathing in the fresh morning air, and watching the sky get progressively lighter, and he's almost done with it when Michael finally pushes away from the door and walks the couple of steps to sit down beside Alex.

He's still in the same thing he'd worn to sleep, his boxers, wrapped up in one of Alex's sheets, with his feet stuffed into his boots since he hates walking on the cold tiles right after waking up.

Alex turns towards him, but Michael keeps looking forward, a familiar far away look on his face.

Alex inhales deeply, opening his mouth to speak, but stops himself when Michael turns to face him.

He looks at Alex for a long moment, eyes darting all over his face.

"I'm sorry, Alex," he says, and Alex feels his heart jump to his throat, scared of what on earth Michael could be apologizing for.

"Sorry about what?" Alex asks, hoping the terrified feeling in his chest isn't visible in his voice.

Michael inhales deeply, and then exhales harshly, like the breath is being torn out of his chest, but his eyes are a little bit wild, but he keeps his gaze locked on Alex like he's afraid Alex will disappear if he's not watching him.

"When we first did this," he says, moving a hand to signal between the two of them. "So many bad things happened all at once, and instead of letting you help me, I pushed and pushed until you ran away, because I thought that I didn't deserve to be happy, and you made me feel like all the bad stuff didn't matter as long as I got to keep you."

Alex stares at Michael as certain things fall into place in his head, as though the words that Michael had said were the missing puzzle piece that made everything click for him.

"And you were punishing yourself for what happened with Rosa," Alex says, finishing Michael's train of thought, and feeling relief that Michael wasn't about to tell him that things between them weren't going to work out.

Michael just nods his head down sharply, and looks away, blinking his eyes a few times.

Alex wants to say so many things, mainly that what happened with Rosa wasn't his fault, but instead, he reaches out and places one hand on Michael's face, urging him to turn and look at Alex.

Michael's eyes are wet with tears, and he stares at Alex like he already knows what Alex is going to say.

"Thank you for the apology," he starts, and sees how Michael's eyes go a little bit wide, startled. "But it's not necessary. We were both dumb kids, and more recently we were dumb adults, and our problems were both of our faults, and we decided we weren't going to be dumb and actually talk to each other instead of making assumptions, so I think, that as long as we're honest and keep talking we should be fine."

"Just fine?" Michael teases, a smile spreading across his face, shoulders slumping as he sways into Alex, like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders.

"Well, it's still early stages," Alex says as he shrugs unconcerned. "You never know. We haven't even had sex yet."

Michael wraps an arm around Alex's shoulders and settles his left hand on Alex's face, pressing their mouths together in a hard, fast kiss. 

"No," Michael says, pulling back enough so that Alex can see his serious face. "We're going to be great. And everything that comes our way, we're going to face it together and come out on top, because we got each other."

Alex smiles and pushes forward, sealing his agreement with a kiss.

[svedupelle]

alright. watched all of re:zero. mixed feelings. its got some good highs but a recurring thread of either baffling or boring writing decisions

i like a surprising amount of the characters. though i do not like subaru (yes he is the main character and yes this makes things difficult).

but i found that no matter how much i could enjoy a character, it was really hard to enjoy them consistently. subaru for example oscillates constantly between pretty fun and unbearable, while other characters tend to get progressively worse the more they develop/are explored. characters will be set up with compelling backstories that make you interested in their development, only for it to become more and more boring?

few examples:

- garfield, at first, seems to be struggling with the fact that both his mother and sister left the sanctuary and him behind, while he is incapable of overcoming his trial to do the same and follow them. its revealed that although their mother left them behind for her own sake, frederica left in order to create a new home for the rest of their people, in preparation for when they one day would leave the sanctuary. this is pretty cool! it gives us a good reason to predict garfield being the one who will liberate the sanctuary in place of emilia or subaru, since it could lead to the resolution of his conflict with his sister, which we naturally want to see. and the trials are literally there to help characters overcome their inner turmoils. except wait, their mother never abandoned them, she just died before she could return (to a landslide, leaving no one to blame for it), and also frederica never overcame her trial, she didnt need to because she could leave anytime, and so could garfield??? its so strange. garfield at the start seems like a representative of the people of the sanctuary (who receive exremely little screentime), both to us the audience and to emilia's gang. someone who was trapped there, and had been trapped for years, and had given up hope of ever leaving, unlike his sister; the most natural arc for his character would be to find that hope and help the people he cares about so much to a brighter future. him being abandoned by his mother would be reflective of his people being abandoned by the outside world, while frederica would be the opposite, sort of like a call to action and a test of faith (someone out there is waiting for the day they're all freed, ergo there is hope for them). instead we get garfield's personal conflict being mostly disconnected from his people's and once he resolves it he just leaves it all in the hands of emilia and more specifically subaru. its so fucking boring

- rem, beatrice and ram. im covering all three at once because they have the same fucking problem and i hate them for it: their personal conflicts are replaced/amount to nothing more than them loving some guy. its genuinely the worst part of the show to me. they all suck. rem and ram have a compelling sibling relationship and conflict at the beginning, but once the mansion arc is done rem's character is so watered down and reduced that i dont think she mentions her sister in the entire second half of season 1 even *twice*. instead its all subaru. subaru subaru subaru. its also just dumb? in the mansion her arc seems to be about being able to find value in herself outside of her relationship with her sister and the service she can provide in ram's place, but it just ends up with ram being replaced by subaru in her mind. before she did it all for ram, now she does it all for subaru, so you end up feeling as though she hasnt progressed at all, and unfortunately i dont find her relationship with subaru that compelling.

beatrice is the fucking same: she was abandoned by echidna to look after the library and wait for someone to take her place, which she misinterprets as someone who would "sweep her off her feet and carry her away" or whatever, effectively dooming herself to never connecting with the people around her and also never learning to love herself, until all she wants to do is die (LEARNING TO ACCEPT OTHERS LOVE FOR ONESELF AND THUS LEARNING TO LOVE OENESELF HENCE FINDING VALUE IN ONES OWN LIFE IS THE *EXPLICITLY STATED THESIS STATEMENT OF SEASON 2*) but the conclusion to her arc is completely half assed! beatrice doesnt leave the library because she wants to live and give the world a chance, she never fucking connects or even interacts with another character except for subaru and puck, she leaves the library because she decides to bet it all on subaru because he's the specialest little boy or whatever. even subaru himself doesnt ask her to give other people a chance, he asks her to choose him, specifically. her arc is nothing. its a bunch of whinging about how she cant wait around for a knight in shining armor to come save her forever, until that exact thing happens. and no, i dont think you can disguise this with semantics about how subaru doesnt choose her over emilia or whatever.

as for ram, i honestly really liked her character until the moment she tells roswaal that she loves him. after that idc

with all of this im just reminded of chainsaw man part 1, where a big part of the characters is the multi faceted relationships they form. "love" is not just romantic. in re:zero, however, when a character loves another character it feels like there is seldom any room for interpretation. the exceptions to this are familial love, such as puck and emilia, subaru and his parents and the various sibling relationships. even if some of these relationships are meant to be moreso platonic, like maybe ram & roswaal, the show makes no effort to really convince anyone of this nor explore it in any measure, and since so many of them are very explicitly romantic i dont really end up feeling compelled to investigate the matter either. its annoying since love is a big theme in season 2, but it doesnt feel explored nor multifaceted.

- subaru. the show seems to try to ~subvert isekai tropes~ by not making subaru all powerful, but it feels half assed because he does end up all important. everyone cares about subaru. subaru can convince anyone of anything. everyone listens to what he has to say and he always has something important to say. characters who find him irrelevant at first will end up admiring him, depending on him and liking him after he dies a few times, just you wait!... there's some dissonance here, because the show DOES try to make it clear to subaru that he should consider the people around him just as seriously as he does himself, in the sense that he needs to respect them. but it doesnt feel like the show itself does that, when every character orbits the star of the show. the show is telling you that the side characters arent just npc's, but it has a hard time actually committing to that at times.

- echidna. honestly not much to say here except i was a bit disappointed. i just sort of expected... more? as it stands i dont think i even had firm grasp on what her goal is, and it doesnt feel like she ends up doing much. at the beginning she seems charming yet off-putting, so you naturally expect her to be the future antagonist, but then that role gets delegated to roswaal instead, leaving echidna with.. surprisingly little. i might have to think some more about her idk

im not sure how i feel about the second season tho. it grinds the overall pacing to a halt and spends the entire time on the sanctuary conflict, but said conflict lacks a good, compelling narrative and emotional core. what is it about? the half-breeds who are trapped? roswaal, beatrice and ryuzu meyer? emilia's backstory? the witches? it wants to focus on all of it, but i really dont feel like it does it very well. parts of it are completely unrelated from one another. season 1 at least keeps a red thread with subaru and emilia's relationship, and season 2 kinda does as well, but idk if i like it as much.

man i dont even know. its really hard for me to pin down my thoughts and what i feel the underlying issue is here. doesnt help that it just.. wasnt my cup of tea.

[atticinthecafe]

its 1 am and I wanted to write before I headed off to bed. this jumps around a lot time wise and I did not proof read it I'm ti r e d

---

The first time Akira did this Morgana nagged at him the whole time.

---

"Joker! You've been wandering around the city for hours," Morgana whined from inside the bag, shifting around.

Akira just hummed in response. His eyes were distant and foggy, constantly trained on the distance. Sometimes they would scan across the crowds, almost like he was looking for someone, but for the most part he just seems dazed, lost in thought. He kept walking, the twists and turns memorized by the back of his hand, simply wandering. Sometimes he'd end up on a train to some other area, but he just wandered all the same.

"When are we going home? I'm bored!" Morgana complained, this time getting a bit louder.

This seemed to break Akira from his thoughts, as he frowned looking at his bag where Morgana sat.

"I can talk you home if you want," He spoke low, just to his cat, in a neutral tone. It was hard to tell what was on his mind.

"Yes! wait- you're going to keep walking?"

"Mhm,"

"I'm not leaving you on your own! I'll just tough it out then! But we better get food sometime soon!"

---

Morgana hadn't really known why he was wandering, but to be fair, neither did he.

He had his hand shoved into a pocket, holding the glove he had gotten from his rival and walked around the city, watching the scenery and the people go past as he drifted. It was different now. He had been doing this for weeks. Just- walking around.

Orginally he had no clue why he did it. Something weighed on him, made him feel heavy. He zoned out during conversations and stared into space. Morgana suggested maybe fresh air and a walk would help refresh his senses, but it just ended in him wandering.

He needed the space, to be away from people. He also needed away from his thoughts, but that wasn't so easy. The city provided a nice distraction. Different things to think about. But that didn't stop the soft lull of sadness from weighing down his head.

He missed Akechi if he was being honest. He didn't notice it. But it was like a low hum in the back of his heart. Invisible stress making him tired when he hadn't done anything. It haunted him and didn't leave him be.

---

Morgana at some point had mentioned how when cats lose a friend or someone they care about they'll wander around, meowing and crying out for the other.Akira wondered if Morgana had been talking about him when he brought it up.

Today he had left Morgana with Futaba. The fog in his head and weight in his chest had gotten worse the past week. He hadn't known why until Ryuji mentioned it was around the same date they had met Akechi.

Incredible how his subconscious refused to let go.

The rain pattered against his umbrella as he walked and puddles gently splashed beneath his feet. It was nice to get rain in June. He certainly didn't mind it. It gave the city a softer, calmer feel. It almost felt like the rain took some of his weight with it when it fell.

---

Akira was fine most days. He seemed normal. Almost like he had moved on, but there were some where he simply disappeared out the front door, and everyone knew. They knew he still missed Akechi, no matter how many times they told him he shouldn't.  They knew he needed space for a bit.

The one time they made him stay it was obvious how he was stressed without realizing it. He fidgeted awkwardly and didn't participate in conversation. He seemed like he wasn't there at all and when spoke to he'd look up confused and obviously off in his own world.

Sometimes they would intentionally tell him to take a walk. He'd get shaky and tense for no reason. Seem more irritable and quiet than usually. Not handle loud noises or being around people well. This is when his friends would step in and tell him maybe he should go for a walk to calm his nerves. Sometimes it would take him getting frustrated over something small and all his stress breaking like a dam for the others to take notice, in which case they'd quiet down and all pause to take care of him. Whether it be one of them going on a walk with him, or the group settling down to bundle up in blankets and form a small pile as they watched movies together.

He wished it would stop. The days where he was stressed without realsing it and dazed. The days where he felt like the slightest thing going wrong would cause him to start sobbing and he didn't know why. The days where he missed Akechi.

He wasn't even certain if he was alive.

---

It had been a few years. Akira was better. He was managing better. But he still suddenly disappeared for walks. Some nights he wouldn't sleep at all and instead wandered.

It had been one of those nights, and now here he was, head resting on the counter of Leblanc well Sojiro huffed at him in the background. Something about going upstairs to sleep and not staying up so late.

He didn't move though, and Sojiro didn't seem to mind. There was something calming about the atmosphere. It was warm and the chattering of the TV in the background provided comfort in it's own way.

He couldn't sleep, as much as he wanted to the stress tugged at his brain keeping him just awake enough to be unable to sleep but not awake enough to bypass his exhaustion. So he just sat there, soaking in the smell of coffee and the peaceful air.

---

A ring sounded from the door, and Akira didn't bother looking up, staying where he was.

That was until he heard a soft, almost amused hum as a chair besides him was dragged out from its spot, someone sitting besides him. His eyes flickered open and up to meet red ones, gazing at him fondly.

The time passed in sections, one moment he has his head on the table, next he knew Akira was a crossed from the man, getting started on his favorite cup of coffee, pressing his glove back into his hand with tears pricking at his eyes. Then he was brewing coffee. A conversation between them was happening but- he didn't hear it. It made his chest warm and light, the lightest it had felt it years.

He placed the coffee infront of the other with a smile. He could feel the pure, unfiltered love and happiness just to be able to hear his voice again rush through his body with every word the man spoke.

He hummed softly as the other pressed their hands together, the warmth filling his body yet lingering just where he touched him.

---

His heart felt raw.

Akira blinked open his eyes to Sojiro leaving. To the once warm comforting room feeling cold and bitterly lonely. The warmth that lingered on his hand feeling almost like a bitter sting.

He lifted his head up to find tears streaming down his face and his sleeves damp from where he had been resting his head.

Of course, it was just a dream.

His fingers found their way into his pocket, and he gripped the glove tight. His chest was nothing but raw pain that you would have figured he would have gotten over by now.

He just wanted to see him again.

---

The next few days were incredible low for Akira. He spent most of them asleep.

Dreams were incredible tantalizing now. The fact that occasionally, he would see Akechi again in them made them feel more worth while than reality sometimes.

It was lonely.

He spent a long time asleep that week. More than he should have, but he couldn't help it. The sting in his chest was hard to bare.

---

Akira laughed.

It was the fullest his chest had felt in a while. No longer that haunting hollow that followed him around from day to day.

He was still moving on, he still occasionally had days where he would wander. But they were less now.

The warmth that filled his chest when his friends smiled, the brightness in their eyes and the lightness to their tone when they said the stupidest jokes made the lonely fade.

He had forgotten how good they make him feel.

There was a bittersweet taste left in his mouth when he thought about Akechi. How he should get to feel the same warmth Akira did. How he deserved so much more than the cards he was handed, but Akira didn't linger on that. He couldn't. He had to move forwards.

Akechi would probably call him stupid for staying stuck on him so long. He would say how he shouldn't waste the life he has thinking about someone who killed him. How if anything he should be glad he finally won. There was no more rivalry to be had. But Akira still had to disagree.

Akira took every step as a challenge to be better. He spent the days trying to improve, telling himself that he couldn't fall behind now. He couldn't disappoint the rival he loved so dearly by stopping just because it was over.

He figured if Akechi ever did return, he'd give him a real challenge. If he met Akechi again he wanted to be someone he could respect, someone he could challenge and find worth challenging. He wanted to keep the rivalry alive in his own little way. It was just a promise in his own mind he had to keep. And he couldn't do that with a hurting chest, so he indulged in the moments surrounded by friends, with laughter in the air.

He would do his best to continue, just to prove that he could. He wouldn't forget Akechi, he didnt think he could, but he wouldn't fall behind because of him.

---

When the day was late and the sky had turned shades of orange Akira was left cleaning up Leblanc, making sure everything was ready for business tomorrow.

It had been a while since he had finally realized that he had moved forwards, but he was still making progress with each day.

He leaned back onto a shelf, letting out a soft satisfied hum as he relaxed for the day.

Then the bell on the door rung.

Then a familiar voice spoke, and Akira had to make sure this wasn't a dream.

"I hope I haven't come in too late for a cup of coffee Kurusu, I was hoping we could catch up,"

[endcant]

Making My Own Post™️ because im not indigenous, and because the post that spurred this on was about Palestine as well, so i don’t want to derail it. that said, it does have me very emotional because i grew up in the central valley of california, and i do my best to pay attention to the land i’m on and the people who know it best. i think that anybody who really cares about the land that america encompasses and learning about what it was like before it was devastated by the arrival of white people would be able to understand my frustration.

i love the valley now, even in its dry and wounded state, because it is where i grew up, but it is obvious that the land was far, far healthier when it was in the care of the indigenous people of the area. that is because the ecosystem was maintained by and for those people.

i’m not indigenous, so i don’t presume to have any better knowledge than what was shared in the other post (which you really should check out before reading on), but what @omusa-inola and @dojense shared was the same as what i learned in my own personal research. the valley used to be home to black oak forests, which were maintained by the indigenous people that live there. black oaks are huge trees which provide essential shade from the intense central valley sun. black oaks also build a root network that nourishes other plants that the indigenous people of the area (including the miwoks, but also other tribes) relied on prior to the destruction of the oaks.

there is a very small black oak grove near where i used to live (that is now being threatened by kudzu, sadly) and standing underneath the cathedral-like shelter of a black oak’s sprawling branches and seeing what grows in their shadow really contextualizes the struggle of the valley. it’s obvious if you open your eyes and look. things grow easily under the black oaks. they don’t elsewhere. meanwhile, white people struggle to grow non-native crops under the direct sun, in huge monocultural fields, by dousing them with water daily. white people act like the valley is dry and barren by nature now, but it doesn’t have to be. it wasn’t before.

if you read that other post, you might be finding it clear that genocidal action and ecological disaster absolutely go hand in hand. both play into each other. california is just one example of that. the healthy, abundant ecosystem that worked for the valley, that was maintained by and for the indigenous people, was destroyed. the oaklands were chopped down, taking the livelihood of the indigenous people with them— all in order to make way for the white way of life. even now, surviving native plant and wildlife continues to die off every day as farms till to prepare for another season of stripping the soil of water and nutrients for profit, and even as farms are torn up and replaced by houses and apartments for the ever-increasing number of those who want to strike it rich in the golden state. public schools in CA continue to refuse to teach the truth about the indigenous people of the region, denying their importance and existence. sacred & historic sites are torn up because they’re worth so much more to capitalism if they’re replaced by a shitty apartment building or whatever.

the disturbed land of the valley is not only home to crops and densely-packed little houses, but it is also home to viciously invasive and highly flammable grasses that literally didnt exist in california before white people brought them over in bags of grain and crop seeds. the native plants that do manage to sprout up between the strawberries and almond trees are destroyed by tilling, but the tilling literally perpetuates the life cycle of these invasive grasses which choke out other life, suck the nutrients and water out of the soil, and then die on top of it in a dry, flammable heap. those invasive grasses also dominate the yellow, barren cow pastures between the orchards, and the black-burnt shoulders of the highways.

it’s confusing and mind-numbing to try to understand how California keeps making ecologically devastating decisions while maintaining the reputation of a Good, Liberal State. at least it was that way for me, until one of my visits to the black oak grove during that period of my life where i was struggling to grow my own food to eat. i saw how easily life springs up under the shadows of the trees even in the heat of a valley summer, and remembered that white people tore all of those life-giving trees down to plant rows of crops to sell off and to build labyrinths of identical houses. the answer is that the state of california is just another part of the capitalist colonial government that exists to perpetuate itself and kill everything and everyone that stands in its way, even until there is no california to rule over, burnt to the ground and then swallowed by the pacific.

no one has cared for the land better than the indigenous people who colonizers set out to erase. dont forget the damage that is done, because colonizer governments with no attachment to the land will never fix the ecological disasters they benefit from, even if that government is california, which brands itself as the most climate-conscious and progressive state. i encourage other americans to research the land you live on to learn what it was and who took care of it before it became built cookie-cutter houses, lawns, and factory farms. listen to the voices of indigenous people around you. it will be frustrating and saddening to learn what has been destroyed, but we have to learn.

anyway. #landback

[maraudingforflesh]

SakuAtsu

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29129124/chapters/71509197

again, like this (55,735 words); they hook up for the first time after they’ve both lost at nationals during their last year of high school and then they keep hooking up even when kiyoomi is in college and atsumu is in the pro league

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29004675/chapters/71185563

安心 (Peace of Mind) (84,717 words); this behemoth of a fic is a straight up masterpiece centered on kiyoomi as he grows up and thinks about volleyball and atsumu

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27206239/chapters/66454693

Stick With You (99,365 words); at the start of the pandemic kiyoomi and atsumu end up stuck on an island in the Philippines after the rest of the team manages to

make it home to Japan without them

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29473077/chapters/72398289

ATSU101: how to fall in love with your fake boyfriend (110,679 words); college!au in which atsumu needs a fake date to a party and kiyoomi needs a fake boyfriend to scare off a suitor

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30823448

Uncover (3,928 words); 5 times the team realizes kiyoomi and atsumu are closer than they thought +1 time they get an explanation

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26645923

Through the Years (14,376 words); au where they’re high school sweethearts who broke up before kiyoomi joined the jackals but a team trip and a blizzard might help them reconcile

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28938666

No Hard Feelings (9,313 words); they’re fwb but they’re also much more than that even if feelings are hard and kiyoomi takes a while to figure it out

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29260299/chapters/71852220

but we're not, like, in love (17,303 words); the team makes them share a room since they’re both so keen on random hookups during away games and they start hooking up with each other but they’re not like in love or whatever

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25394974

lay it on me (no, really) (4,261 words); atsumu volunteers to be kiyoomi’s body pillow during away game hotel stays

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27976293/chapters/68521347

as long as you’re drunk (43,739 words); inunaki tells the team about an article he read that says people who sleep together five consecutive times always fall in love and kiyoomi and atsumu figure their current count of 13 times is really only 4 when you eliminate the times they were drunk so as long as one or both of them is drunk they can keep having sex without falling in love

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30624719

When I say I love you, only you know what I mean (20,778 words); they’re best friends and roommates and they’re going through shit in their own ways and atsumu brings kiyoomi on vacation with him

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26250040/chapters/63894739

Dysfunctional (27,175 words); their love story starts in high school, but they need some time to grow up and really be able to make this thing work

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27443362/chapters/67088767

Within Sight, Within Mind (25,954 words); when kiyoomi heads to college and atsumu heads to the pro league they start Skyping to stream volleyball matches together and things progress from there

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30528402

lovin' you is a gift (in and of itself) (17,270 words); kiyoomi showers atsumu with gifts but atsumu doesn’t need to have his love bought

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30654398/chapters/75630854

didnt see this comin (6,072 words); teammates, best friends, and now roommates

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28666158/chapters/70272810

Smoke and Mirrors (48,713 words); a photo of them making out at a charity event goes viral - cue fake dating and complicated feelings

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28675323

habits shaped like you (5,314 words); domestic roommates content is the shit y’all (also I’m a sucker for atsumu being soft)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31431962/chapters/77739170

The Dos and Don’ts of Loving Sakusa Kiyoomi (15,076 words); the team has a competition to see who can get kiyoomi to smile or laugh the most and atsumu really wants to win

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27843829

two pump chumps (12,646 words); kiyoomi throws their competition for most service aces leading to this very sweet fic that is mostly just porn

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25760554

every action has an equal and opposite reaction (10,485 words); it takes a Calvin Klein ad for kiyoomi to realize he’s in love with atsumu

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30744863

Roll On, Seventh Wheel (8,857 words); atsumu is finally kiyoomi’s best friend but now apparently every member of their team wants to be kiyoomi’s boyfriend

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26703058

Clipped To You (8,174 words); kiyoomi starts wearing hair clips and it’s kind of ruining atsumu’s life

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25675576

I Promise To Show Up (24,169 words); soulmates!au in which kiyoomi can see the red string of fate but he wishes he couldn’t

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29512401

Love Like This (12,433 words); in which kiyoomi is a college student who doesn’t want to go to a party and atsumu is his best friend who’s already gone pro and makes him go to the party

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29607435

laid bare, right there (26,690 words); 5 times they tell each other what to do +1 time they don’t need to - a love story told using alcohol as an extended metaphor

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25637944/chapters/62238292

Some Memories, We May Keep (31,552 words); moments missing from the canon in which they fall in love and atsumu contemplates the value of memories

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26609455

the affective presence of our black and white reruns (19,550 words); atsumu and kiyoomi meet at the youth training camp and atsumu wants him and they keeps meeting and seeing each other and atsumu keeps wanting even when they’re on the same team even when they’re sleeping together

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25748848/chapters/62528731

parallax error: angle of inclination (10,986 words); the story of their relationship from the time kiyoomi joins the black jackals to their first kiss as told by atsumu

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26213260/chapters/63796210

parallax error: line of sight (11,642 words); companion piece for the above fic telling the story from kiyoomi’s pov

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25525333/chapters/61930975

Tale as old as time (14,448 words); taking pictures of somebody just bc you like being around them and watch to capture the moment so you can post it and brag about getting to be part of that is so intimate y’all the onsen trip in this fic took me out

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26529025

golden ties, fluffy pillows and plastic wraps (14,862 words); atsumu convinces kiyoomi to attend a gala dinner with him and even gets him to coordinate their outfits so they match (y’all the other fics in this series are also so good pls read)

https://archiveofourown.org/series/1911892

know you better & related stories (series); they don’t click when kiyoomi first joins the black jackals but they make an effort to get to know each other for the sake of volleyball

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28847175

my first kiss (went a little like this) (6,384 words); atsumu offers to teach kiyoomi how to kiss

https://archiveofourown.org/series/1883938

we call everything on the ice, "love" (series); figure skating!au in which they start as a pair then move to singles skating then fall back together eventually

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23589403

three roses and a smile (19,768 words); academia!au in which kiyoomi is a surgeon and atsumu is a microbiology researcher

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25849213/chapters/62802427

Above Average. (27,498 words); kiyoomi brings atsumu home to meet his family and it doesn’t exactly go well

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28736619

gold rush (18,053 words); atsumu makes it his mission to befriend kiyoomi once he joins the jackals and he’s nothing if not persistent

https://archiveofourown.org/series/1864450

This love isn’t crazy (series); their relationship chronicled by vlogs

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30734699

2AM Solace (8,999 words); running into atsumu in the laundry room in the middle of the night became part of kiyoomi’s routine

https://archiveofourown.org/works/22859008

Notice (7,034 words); atsumu is the third person to find out about his own crush on kiyoomi

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25444576

The Jacket In Your Closet (8,681 words); atsumu gives kiyoomi his jacket when he’s having a panic attack and kiyoomi holds onto it for years

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27190837

Confessions of a V-League Setter (3,309 words); kiyoomi has never been confessed to and atsumu intends to fix that

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27637051

Intertwined (25,886 words) soulmates!au in which you body swap with your soulmate

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27028369/chapters/65984323

Better Together (17,004 words); atsumu proposes with a Twinkie while he’s drunk and kiyoomi still says yes

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27912220

The Love Language of Hair Toner (6,369 words); soulmates!au in which you have a strip of hair the same color as your soulmate’s

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28464351

intervention fer yer weird obsession (5,186 words); atsumu is a little obsessed with kiyoomi’s moles

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24599536/chapters/59422036

Who Could Have Seen This Coming? (16,706 words); kiyoomi invites atsumu over on impulse bc atsumu is having a bad day and it turns out kiyoomi maybe likes him and his company

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28423044/chapters/69648837

confessions (9,587 words); kiyoomi was an atsumu fanboy through high school and university and now that he’s atsumu’s irl boyfriend he can never let atsumu know his secret

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27811675

People Will Say We’re in Love (9,576 words); Twitter thinks they’re together so they try their best to disprove that without much success

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28558275

Notice (5,450 words); atsumu having dyslexia is one of my favorite things and I like this very sweet fic about it

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27074200/chapters/66106201

A Liar’s Truth (49,668 words); kiyoomi is raised to believe that gay people go to hell but atsumu’s thighs might be worth the risk

https://archiveofourown.org/series/1983235

commit to memory (series); domestic fics in which they figure out intimacy with one another

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29350110

On Love and Onigiri (20,595 words); au in which atsumu is an author who really wants to impress book critic kiyoomi

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27757792

i’ll do anything you say (if you say it with your hands) (7,612 words); atsumu draws words and shapes on kiyoomi while they do partner stretches at practice

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27386530

I wish to live in a world (24,835 words); story from komori’s POV centered on how he sees his cousin fall in love and grow up

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29106117

Touch (8,815 words); abo fic in which kiyoomi hates alphas but never really manages to hate atsumu

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28437999

The Self-Inflicted Torment of Loving Miya Atsumu (28,847 words); atsumu keeps flirting with iwaizumi despite oikawa’s return and kiyoomi is suffering (also the first fic in the series is the same story covering the iwaoi perspective and it is also v good and cute)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29869011

liked and subscribed (26,470 words); kiyoomi is a camboy as a side hustle and he starts sexting one of his subscribers

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30228108/chapters/74488023

Stuck in the Sunshine (73,925 words); atsumu is a virgin with a bucket list of firsts and kiyoomi offers to help him check them off

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28620252/chapters/70148025

The Story of Us (98,234 words); after a car accident and a traumatic brain injury kiyoomi is left with amnesia and atsumu is left the only person who still remembers that they were secretly in love with each other

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24419953

liminal spaces (25,969 words); atsumu becomes fixated on his interactions with kiyoomi and has a hard time processing his emotions and

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26996737/chapters/65899813

Accidentally in Lust (40,483 words); atsumu accidentally sends kiyoomi a dick pic and things spiral from there

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29303172

let me be the unspoken letters on your lips (5,975 words); college!au - they’re very open about their relationship and it isn’t their fault if no one believes them - and they were roommates!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29601684

Nails, Hair, Hips, Heels (8,638 words); look they’re both hot and painfully aware of how attractive each other are

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23393830

Brushing my fingers through those silky locks (10,452 words); washing someone’s hair to calm them down from a panic attack is a love language

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27377815/chapters/66904276

today of all days (13,760 words); kiyoomi struggles with mental health and misdiagnoses but he also heals

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25397929

Miscommunicating (4,773 words); they have a fwb deal and atsumu doesn’t realize he’s in love until osamu calls him out for carrying wet wipes

https://archiveofourown.org/series/2049654

Carnaval des Animaux (Carnival of Animals) (series); au in which kiyoomi is an Olympic figure skater

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29935584

two slow dancers (6,250 words); “shut up” “make me” the fic

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24225535

ink blossoms (8,186 words); tattoo artist/florist!au

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29175837

The Devil’s Trill (9,262 words); orchestra!au

https://archiveofourown.org/works/23517244

Orientations in Planetary Orbits (3,813 words); atsumu and kiyoomi accidentally swap sweatshirts after practice and it sends kiyoomi into a bit of a crisis

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29318220

sakusa kiyoomi's boyfriend is who? (8,463 words); apparently kiyoomi has a boyfriend but atsumu doesn’t know that he’s the boyfriend

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28814007/chapters/70667205

Pulling Gravity (30,346 words); their relationship through the years - atsumu has a pull like the sun moving kiyoomi and drawing him into orbit

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29025777

Let The Ground Rumble And Shake (2,411 words); atsumu suffers a head injury during practice

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25694983

four leaf clover (5,973 words); hyper mobility is a curse that kiyoomi has worked to turn into a weapon for volleyball

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28582266/chapters/70049214

Here Is Your Verse (15,556 words); atsumu ends their FWB deal and kiyoomi shouldn’t care but absolutely does

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26044960

halcyon (2,223 words); atsumu isn’t sleeping well but kiyoomi helps with that

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28671468

alliance (3,354 words); their fake relationship is just a mutually-beneficial arrangement until it is definitely more than that

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30406824

WHAT IN CARNATION (10,661 words); atsumu has hanahaki

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28061016

too busy being yours (9,026 words); kiyoomi has hanahaki

https://archiveofourown.org/series/1921516

Terminal Curiosity (series); obviously these are porn and centered on BDSM but damn if they aren’t also character-driven masterpieces

[sporksaber]

Ok, I love the role swap concept with zuko and azula, but I feel like they switch their abilities and personalities a bit too and I think itd be more fun without that. Where Azula is an antisocial and unstable genius who wants to gain power and zuko still struggles with being the less powerful and extremely empathetic sibling. So here's how I'd do it.

(Note, this is just for fun. I'm not saying anyone else's version is bad. But I've though about this so much and need it out of my head before I go off cuz make a whole comic and I do not have the time, i need to work.)

First off, Azula wouldn't call out in concern for the men like how zuko did. In my version she's allowed into the meeting because of the aptitude for strategy shes shown. She speaks up because it's an inefficient plan that uses up too many resources when there are other options. This enrages her father and leads to the agni kai. Azula is terrified and feels betrayed but has no idea how to handle any of it. She fights back during the agni kai, but in her panic she sets off a bolt of lightning. Ozai finishes the match and severely burns on her lower back. Azula is banished for her use of lightning on the fire lord (bc ozai fears she will no longer be easy to manipulate and might plot his death) and is forced to leave the next morning.

Some things to note: azula is eleven at this point. I changed the placement of the scar bc I think zuko's is very symbolic in a way that doesnt suit azula. Zuko's scar being over his eye and close to the light chakra shows the way his view of the fire nation and honour obscures his vision and how he is unaware of the truth of the world under fire nation rule. I set azula's over her spine because that chakra is based on survival and blocked by fear. It also represents trust which will fit into her arc with the gaang. Finally, she doesnt have Iroh to guide her. One of the things that bothered me was Iroh writing her off as evil despite her being a mentally unstable child. She did have to be defeated, but the way he talked about it was too dismissive. (Personally I think he was projecting his views of his brother and his perceived failures with him onto her.) Azula isnt sent to capture the avatar so she isnt given soldiers. She's completely alone without an advisor to look to or keep her calm.

Azula is given a manned ship with a disgraced soldier and an attendant when she leaves. The way I see it the soldiers zuko had were probably more irohs than his. The soldier is relieved to not be executed but hates being demoted to playing babysitter to a child at sea. The attendant views it as a punishment and hates Azula for it. Eventually the attendant will betray her and be killed for it. Azula never trusted the soldier and he eventually leaves to start a family in an earth kingdom colony. Azula doesnt miss him, he was no longer useful. The loneliness does get to her though.

Azula is obsessed with getting the underhand, so she had been successfully building connections and planting spies where needed.

(Zuko has been acting as a respectable crowned prince. He holds a zealous loyalty to his nation and father. He still faulters as Iroh tries to steer him from tyranny, but his sights are set on his father's approval and that alone. Afterall, if his prodigy could be discarded who's to say what would happen to him if he failed?)

This brings us to the start of the series. Like Zuko Azula witnesses the trap on the old fire nation battle ship go off. She investigates and finds that an air bending avatar is living at the south pole village. She decides she wants to speak with him.

Azula didn't believe the avatar existed before this point. Hiding didnt add up to her knowledge of the morality of airbenders, so she assumed the air nation avatar from the start of the war would be dead. She would know if one had appeared in the water tribe, as the south had all its benders killed and the north was compacted so close together it would be impossible to hide. Earth would be harder, but they were most likely to fight back and out act. And if in ba sing se they'd be used as a weapon or gotten rid of to preserve the peace of the city. Once the culcle progressed to the fire nation it would either be used to take over the other nations or enf the cycle for good. After all, there hasn't been an air bender for a hundred years even if the rumors of some acolytes surviving were truthful.

Azula kidnaps aang with far more ease than she should of been able to. Once he stops struggling she calmly offers him tea and promises to release him once their discussion is finished. He takes the tea and drinks it without question and besides a wary glare shows no more hostility. She thought him a fool, the tea could have easily been poisoned and promised are nothing but words. His naivete makes her job easier though.

She finds out that he was suspended frozen in the avatar state the last 100 years. And so, Azula informs him of the war and the fire nations crimes, advising him to master the elements if he wants to prevent all his new friends and the avatar cycle from certain destruction. Aang is conflicted, he never asked for any of this. Azula just gives a bitter smile. "The hands of fate were never designed to take requests, they move without regard to any life dependent on it. Dont waste your breath when there is nothing you can do."

Azula wants to see Ozai fail. If helping the avatar is what it takes then so be it. When his friends appear to save him she let's them leave without a fight. Theyll be useful in the future.

As the gaang's travels kick off she sets out to find out if the rumours about the acolytes are true. In this she finds a traveling circus. The youngest daughter and an old friend of hers was eager to escape and found Azula's life exciting. She didn't hesitate after being invited along, insisting that traveling would be easy for her and that she'd pull her own weight.

She encounters the gaang a few times as time goes by. The relationship is reluctant on the water tribe siblings part, they dont trust her and hold a decent amount of fear towards her. Her cold and calculating demeanor was unsettling, but the unhinged way she fought was terrifying. Her form was perfect and her attacks were precise, but the bigger the fight the more lost she became as she laughed and shrieked and occasionally snapped at someone who didnt seem to be there. The only worse reaction was when she zeroed in on one opponent, picking them apart both mentally and physically as she drove them to the ground. )

Things that'll happen as I move through an episode list:

Azula doesn't have her ship attacked do she diesnt run into zhao while doing repairs, instead going straight to ty lee.

Azula learns that the gaang is on kyoshi island and heads ther after them. She has been keeping track of the avatar as they move. Ty lee gets along well with the kyoshi warriors while azula buts heads with them. They dont want her there and azula hates it when people get in the way. Zhao appears to try to capture aang and Azula dips at the same time as the gaang. She tells ty lee she can stay but she insists on sticking with azula. This puts her on edge.

Ty lee gets captured by earth benders, when she escapes on her own she cements her usefulness to Azula.

They run into zhao trying to capture the avatar and azula tells him she'll capture him first. They both attack aang during the solstice, though azula's attacks are all purposefully set to miss and trip up zhao as much as possible. Aang is the best way to prove her father wrong and she's not going to lose that.

They rob the pirates that try to capture the avatar. Azula needs the resources and it gives her leverage over the gaang.

After almost killing ty lee for scaring her by popping up behind her Azula tells her why she was banished. (In more of a "my own mother thought I was a monster" way than an opening up about trauma way.)

Azula learns that zhao has captured aang and frees him. She then sets to reworking her information network as not all of them are scared enough of her to not fail her. She remedies it quickly.

Azula learns that zhao is plotting her assassination and decides it's the perfect moment to fake her death.

Azula enters the north pole to defeat zhao and gain any information she can. Ty lee rades a library during the confrontation. Zhao is surprised and infuriated to see her alive, Azula smiles as she sends him to his death knowing that she is not only helping the avatar but also that he gave her a perfect way to hide from the fire nation. (When news of his sisters death reaches hum, Zuko doesnt know what to think. She was always cruel to him, but she was still his little sister.)

The crown prince of the fire nation is sent to capture the avatar. Azula follows him as he begins his search. (Zuko begins to think he's going insane as he keeps catching glimpses of his recently deceased sister out of the corner of his eye.)

Ty lee keeps running into a girl she slowly befriends. She's gloomy and sarcastic and ty lee thinks Azula would like her. (Zuko's fiance Mai tells him that she thinks his sister is still alive.)

As Azula notices ty lee become more and more distracted as she absorbed herself into the cultures that surround them she decides it's best for them to split up. Ty lee diesnt agree, but Azula leaves anyway. She has work to do.

While traveling alone Azula cant escape the thoughts of her mother. Of her fathers betrayal. Of the life she lost because the idiot elders had no grip on proper strategy that even a child could create. She meets a boy that reminds her far too much of zuko with a mother far to similar to theirs. When she sends the bandits controlling the town running she knows it's more than just controlling a territory that compelled her. But at the same time she doubts not following through on the whim would have bothered her.

Ty lee meets toph and chat for a bit. Ty lee tells her about azula and how she left. When toph tells her she should forget her she insists that azula didnt really ditch her and that they're still friends. They talk about their friends and childhood.

Ty lee finds Azula and immidiently jumps at her, which she does not enjoy. Ty lee insists that she still wants to travel with her and Axula sighs as she let's her tag along to the next location, ba sing se.

Azula slips through guards and protocols as she tries to gain any information she can to help her once they reach the city. Ty lee befriends a guy named jet and his group, the freedom fighters. When he tries to get more than friendship she turns him down and it becomes much more awkward.

Ty lee becomes a street performer and chames everyone she meets as Azula researches the dai lee and how they keep control. After lashing out in frustration ty lee drags her out to enjoy the city's night life.

Azula learns of the presence of the avatar and location of appa. She frees him and sets to work taking control of the dai lee. She let's herself be briefly captured but her plan shifts when katara is thrown in with her. Katara is pissed just being around her and azula plays up a cool kind of annoyance. Katara briefly catches sight of the burns on Azula's back and offers to heal her, only for Azula to freak out and yell at her to stay away, backing against a far wall in a fighting stance. They are saved by the rest if the gaang and ty lee shortly after.

Azula goes back to try and salvage her plan only to be caught off guard by the appearance of her brother and his offer to return to the fire nation. Not willing to lose all possible advantages, she agrees. They battle the gaang, and when they are almost captured azula sends a bolt of lightning at aang, causing them to retreat. Katara can heal him more easily than she can maneuver them out of an execution.

Azula returns to the fire nation with her brother, mai and ty lee, starting the beginning of a large power play between her and her father. They are sent to lo and li beach house. The relationship between the siblings is tense, zuko has always been the child born with nothing who gained everything when his blessed at birth sister lost it all. Azula has always been cruel, but he cant help but let his heart catch on the moments when she's not. ("My own mother thought I was a monster, My father thought i was too difficult to keep around" "Don't let their words blind you, you need to be more careful, zuzu." "I learned the hard way to never turn your back to anyone, and the scars will always be there as a reminder if I need it." )

Azula runs into iroh, who is very disapproving of her presence. He warns her to stay away from zuko and to watch herself while at the palace. Later, zuko comes to her asking about their great grandfather. Upon being pressed he admits that he was sent a mysterious letter. He thought she was going to burn it when he handed it to her but instead the heat from the fire revealed a hidden ink. "Honestly brother, did you ever pay attention at all during lessons?" They find a autobiographical scroll of their great grandfathers life and the secret that their other great grandfather was roku. Azula scoffed at the idea of bloodlines deciding fate and quickly left. But Zuko remained conflicted.

During the day of the black sun Azula confronts Ozai. As iroh and Zuko fight the avatar. She learns that her mother left for zuko's sake and that she was never going to be fire lord. Azula tells him she'll be somthing even better and leaves the palace.

Azula and ty lee follow the gaang to the western air temple. Katara immidprntly attacks but is quickly rendered unable to bend by ty lee. Azula tells them that the only way for them to of gotten out was for Aang to be incapacitated, and she knew katara could heal him. Aang decides they can stay but have to stay distanced from everyone else.

Azula tries to teach aang fire bending but is slowly growing sick while aang is barely able to produce a puff of smoke. Unable to sleep and constantly on edge, it soon affects her bending, sending her spiraling as she loses control on the only consistent power she's ever had. Her and aang journey to find the true source of fire bending to try to help their conditions.

Still sick, Azula is itching to do anything away from the temple. Finding sokka trying to reach the boiling rock to find his father, she decides to go with him as she knows the prison well. Sokka declines but she goes anyway. They dont find his father, but they do find suki. Azula formulates a plan but they postpone when sokka's father arrives.

Azula comes up with a new plan, now reluctant to include sokka. He tells her to trust him but she insists she has no reason to. Her sickness has been getting worse and he tells her she needs to trust him, making her angry. Only when he catches her while they're escaping dies she finally begin to accept trusting him, if only slightly.

(While they're away ty lee tries to convince

Azula goes with Katara to find the man who killed her mother. Azula has no concept of why katara is so upset, which causes her to get angry. But azula tracks the man anyway.

Ember island players- azulas character has the scar across her chest. She's absolutely insane and "not entirely inaccurate, but I'd never come up with such a dumb plan." Shes also heavily implied to be more than close to ty lee, which azula has no reaction to even as the others freak out.

I havent decided the ending, zuko will probably turn to the gaang's side. I'll add more later and maybe write or illustrate a bit.