#and understanding their own anxiety
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He's getting dragged for the "things like this don't happen to people like me" part of the speech. He's getting called a queerbaiter again for pretending to be queer and playing a victim and a priviledged white male for not understanding that awards and glory do happen to people like him and not black artists. I need to find ways to not care so much because it makes me so mad when I read things like this. I just want to gatekeep him from the general public who don't see him the way we as fans see him. I almost wish he didn't win aoty which is so crazy because I'm so proud of him and that album is so great.
Oh anon - I'm sorry you're finding it so hard.
You can't gatekeep Harry from other people seeing him - other people are going to see him and have opinions about him. He doesn't belong to fans.
One of the tasks of growing up is coming to accept that other people are whole and real and can be very different from you. It's really important to accept the messiness of the world and to do that you need to create your own boundaries.
It's very hard not to care (although I did find myself repeating in a meeting today 'it's OK if coworker is upset - coworker is allowed to have feelings - I don't have to pick them up'. I'm not saying it worked, but it was better than not trying). But you don't have to know what other people think about Harry.
Imagine it was 30 years ago and the only way that you could find out what other people thought about celebrities was talking to them, overhearing their conversations on the bus, or logging into dial-up and reading news groups. Our brains are not equipped to hear thousands and thousands of people's opinions about things we care about and are important to us.
And you can turn the opinions off. It may seem hard, but there are lots of ways that you can limit what you see, at least for now. There are so many ways you can control what you read. You can log out of apps and take them off your phone, but you don't need to be that drastic. If you're using twitter you can set it to only see who you want to see. You can block and unfollow people who you don't want to read and mute people who are putting people you don't want to read onto your feed. Don't let algorithims put that distress you onto your feed. If you don't want to read discourse about Harry discourse - unfollow blogs who are doing that (including me).
Can you set up some Harry content you really like (maybe the livestream of One Night Only?) and every time you're tempted to read discourse watch that and connect with the joy Harry's music brings you instead.
There are lots of times when it's a good idea to sit with you feelings, name them, let them be. But there are also times when you can make your life much better by turning off the tap of other people's dumbass opinions.
#I think it's great that people are naming their feelings#and understanding their own anxiety#I wish you luck anon
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thank u canon plant nerd megumi for my life
bonus:
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fushiguro megumi#yuji itadori#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#itadori yuuji#megumi#yuuji#middle one FOUGHT oh my god#angle/arm position/watering can/expression NONE of it wld go right#took 2 hours to get the lines only to realize upon laying down flats that it was still Completely off#so i took a break to bake an entire cake came back n finally it started cooperating#tbh idk if im still shaking off ytd's weird funk or what but this took ages longer than it should have#but its ok bc florist/botanist/general plant nerd megu is free serotonin 2 me#i could not decide on one apron 2 give him#but then i remembered he is th type 2 take his hobby Very seriously of course he would own multiple#looks at the hydrangeas listen . listen I Know i ws bemoaning having 2 draw so many cursing their name etc etc#but u dont understand he had to be holding one he just had to. he told me so. he held a gun 2 my head and said U Know What To Do#and i said ok ok ok ok#there r only 2 i survived#and i wld do anything fr him as we well know . cuffs his jeans puts leaves in his hair <3#jjk may have given me trust issues depression anxiety etc but it Also gave me flowerboy megu and i think that balances it out :)#edit added the bonus here bc reblogs dont show up in the main tags enjoy itfs gross flirting mwah <3
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One of the earliest examples of Leo’s “I’ll do my own thing to accomplish our goal without discussing it with my team first” is in episode one. It’s super, super quick, and ultimately inconsequential, but it subtly sets up a great precedent that I think is very interesting.
When the boys need to grab the medallion from Splinter without Splinter noticing, Raph, Mikey, and Donnie huddle together with Raph taking the lead in trying to devise a plan to get the mystic device. Meanwhile, Leo slinks away and grabs the device by clocking the situation (by knowing his father well enough to predict his actions - something he does with each family member multiple times in the series) and making a move on his own.
It works out perfectly fine, and is ultimately the best move, and it’s honestly okay that he didn’t consult everyone for something so small when it’s such a non issue to get it, but it nicely sets up how this tends to go in the series, including how it goes in the movie.
To be honest episode one is actually really good at setting up a lot of things for each character in the long run, this is just one example that caught my attention, as small and unassuming as it is.
#rottmnt#rottmnt leo#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#im just ranting at this point feel free to ignore me I’m tired lol#anyway#Leo constantly just goes off and does his own thing#and yeah honestly his own thing often works??? but he alienates his brothers/team in the process#BUT also this isn’t necessarily a one way street#when Leo DOES try to consult his brothers or give his thoughts on matters he’s not really taken seriously#best example here is bug busters where he CONSTANTLY makes his worries and suspicions known only to have them ignored#so it’s almost understandable that he doesn’t often open up about his thought process when it’s easier to just do it#than to try and fail to justify it#after all it almost always works out for him when he does so why not?#and then the movie happens#and that line of thinking doesn’t quite hold up does it?#BUT ON ANOTHER NOTE#like I said episode one is super good at setting characters up#from showing off Donnie’s preference for tech vs magic/mystic#from showing Mikey’s innate talent for mysticism#from showing Raph’s anxieties and how easily they can stack up#there’s more but I’d have to do a closer deep dive on the ep and man am I tired#so off the head rambles it is for now#sorry everyone for my constant spam of Too Many Words into things that are prob Not That Deep#it’s honestly just fun haha#EDIT: bc I saw someone mention it! yeah all the boys have communication issues through the series and it’s super interesting and realistic#Leo in particular stands out to me here because his communication issues are a constant theme that pop up much more often#but each of them experiences this in some form
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Why is the anime so weird, it's not even the same series dude?? It's like,
Anime:
GOKU: I have a great idea to bring peace to the universe, and my leadership and compassion alone will unite us all. I have No Flaws and am A True Relatable Everyman :)
VEGETA: NO! I AM THE BEST AND I WILL CAUSE PROBLEMS UNTIL I AM RECOGNIZED AS SUCH!!!!
Manga:
GOKU: Vegeta what's cornmeal made of? I know it's what the corn eats, but what's it made of? VEGETA: Hey Kakarot let's play the quiet game until one of us dies.
#dbtag#I do not understand this writing it's so bad aklsdlkasjd#Toei wants Goku to be Clark Kent SO bad and he SO isn't lmao#they're so good and dumb and rounded and complex in the manga what is the anime so afraid of#Toriyama said 'no no this man is a detached faux-immortal who has a dear pure heart but he's childlike and selfish even though he's kind'#and toei went 'got it goku's never done anything wrong ever in his life'#toriyama said 'Vegeta's gone through a lot and he's finally settling into his more mature leadership role with the confidence he's earned'#and toei said 'got it vegeta has the confidence of a high school bully except now he can interact with his family as a comedy bit'#girl hWHAT#Toei trying to group Goku and Vegeta as two people who would rather train than be with their families and Toriyama said NO Vegeta wants#to be HOME this is the first time in years that he's HAD ONE and it makes him HAPPY to be with his wife and children!!#Vegeta trains so that he can protect the things he doesn't want to lose again and Goku trains because it's the thing that makes him happies#They are NOT the same lmao And yeah Vegeta still wants to beat Goku but he also knows that Gohan could dogwalk both of them if he wanted#He also knows Trunks and Goten are going to surpass them it's not about being the best anymore he's past that he just wants to Not Need Gok#He just doesn't want to have to rely on Goku to save the day he wants to be Enough on his own he just wants to know he can be#because every time it's mattered he WASN'T and people he loved were lost to his inability to protect them and he carries that#Like Whis diagnosed him with anxiety and cptsd out in the open and Beerus said he was self-centered for feeling guilt#+ he lowkey enjoys the rivalry it keeps him goal-oriented so he can't get complacent and lazy which is what triggered his Buu Saga breakdow#realized how Fucked Up it was that having a home and loving family made him feel like he was failing and went 'wait no I won actually??'#now he's chill as fuck in the manga. cool confident leader.#and sometimes he is childish and dumb with Goku as a treat#you know what rocks about his rivalry with Goku in Super though is that it's Playful. Vegeta is learning how to Play.#You ever seen a shelter dog get introduced to a really playful dog and it takes a minute for the shelter dog to understand it's safe here#And then they're both running around the backyard playing hot potato with one braincell?? That's Goku and Vegeta's relationship#and the way the anime sleeps on that dynamic is so fucking criminal especially when it's literally canon it's in print it's out there#you had the playbook how'd you fumble it this bad#anyway that's my 25+ year blorbo thoughts I love Geets a lot okay#And I love Goku in the manga a lot I'd forgotten that he's actually a great character when Toei's not fucking up his whole vibe
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Shang Qinghua really does think that he is unlovable huh
He really thinks that he is of no value to anyone if he isn't making himself useful he will be disposed off and that will be it
He genuinely believes no would ever want him so he manipulate and posture as a lesser so to be seen as a necessary annoyance rather than the pest he believes himself to be
He hates all the work he has to do but he prefers exhaustion to the paranoia and anxiety that eat him up when he isn't showcasing his value
He is in a constant battle just to be acceptable rather than loved so he can just be in the presence of those who are dear to him
Like damn like father like son I can see where binghe got all his issues like airplane bro stop unloading it all on your OCs look you gave the poor dear anxiety
#sqh child of divorce#svsss#shang qinghua#actually this was part of my grand scheme to formulate that everything is cumplane but like it became its own thing#i was gonna relate it to#moshang#i was trying to say that bingqiu and moshang relationship hangups are similar#like mobei jun is repressing his feelings and believes that someone like him doesn't fall in love with a human or a servant or a lil rat#he internalized how he should and shouldn't act to be socially acceptable like sqq#and like he's difficult to read in general and refuses to talk about his feelings that also he doesn't understand#sqq and mbj both have sinuous minds that defy the mortal's comprehension#anyway#cumplane agenda#sqh: i made a power fantasy!#(cucumber voice): you fucked up a perfectly good protagonist is what you did! look at it it got anxiety!#sqh: well see thats what some would call a self insert#like sqh making memes about isn't making it better but i guess it's maybe better then bottling it all up#sqh got so much of his validation from his readers#so for sy to actually *see* him to criticize him to believe in him to know how good he can be#he doesn't even realize it#that does something sqh's lizard brain
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Does anyone else have no idea how to make friends or is it just me?
#tw depressing thoughts#mentally drained#sorry for being depressing#i hate me so much#depressing shit#anxitey#tw anxiety#mental problems#no friends#how do i do this#is it just me#tw depressing stuff#mental health#please understand#do you know what i mean#i feel like shit#mentally fucked#so fucking exhausted#you’re on your own kid#you’re losing me#who am i#why am i like this#how to make friends#friendless#i am alone#is this relatable#depression#depressed#tw selfhate#i hate my existence
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I was looking at a few posts about autism (as one does) and it just suddenly clicked into place a fundamental thing about Yuri's character that I'd been grasping at, but hadn't really been able to adequately identify. I still have a much longer and more thorough analysis going through a whole lot of my thoughts on Yuri's character and her experience of autism that i'm working on (of which this will likely be a component), but I thought I'd share this separately just to emphasize.
Post I saw which made this click for me was making fun of the fact that most media depicting impaired empathy in autistic characters explicitly depicts them with this unflappable confidence of never having been rejected by people they love. The crux of this is that in actual reality, autistic people almost always have that experience at some point, for some behavior, for reasons they don't really understand. "There is an invisible line where people will get sick of you, and you have no warning of when you're about to cross it." So frequently, autistic people attempt to ride a razor thin edge, walking on constant eggshells to desperately attempt to avoid crossing that line.
Very often autistic people will attempt to avoid doing anything at all which could be considered weird, or off-putting, and will try their absolute hardest to do things in a way that is acceptable to other people, sometimes to the point of outright suppressing their emotions, because they are afraid that they'll say something just wrong enough that the people they care about will push them away, and they don't understand WHY it happened, but they know it's THEIR fault. Sometimes masking is fighting to appear aloof all the time because you can't regulate your emotions in a way that is acceptable to other people.
And holy fucking Jesus, that fits the exact mold of what I've been trying to talk about with the particular way Yuri's anxieties manifest.
It really feels to me like Yuri has this constant fear of breaking the "rules" of socializing, despite not really understanding what those rules even are. She's constantly afraid of saying something wrong, when she doesn't even know what wrong would be, she's just sure everyone ELSE will know it when they hear it. I think a huge part of her social anxiety comes from her own understanding of herself as a very weird person who doesn't really get a lot of how to socialize, and it seems to me like she's probably dealt with her fair share of social rejection and isolation based on those traits. She then felt she had to take responsibility for those traits, probably because it's the one thing she can change, and she is the one common denominator in all of these bad situations (This is something which is pretty common, actually! "Everyone else can socialize just fine, and I have so much difficulty with it! I must just be broken in some way. I have to try super hard to be normal to make friends!")
I think a big part of why it's so apparent in the Literature Club is because she really thinks she's found a place where she can make friends in spite of all of her issues, so when she starts...being herself, and receives even the smallest HINT of pushback, she overcorrects and tries to rein all of herself in to fix her "mistake", because she really wants to make friends here, and doesn't want them to reject her as well.
She's had this experience of others pushing her away for being weird so often that, coupled with her acknowledged trouble for reading situations, when anybody responds poorly to something and she recognizes it, she immediately overcorrects out of fear of being an annoying burden to everyone around her, and that "correction" consists of suppressing herself into being "normal" (or at least "less weird"), because she believes nobody could actually like her just for being who she is. There's something wrong with her fundamentally, and to make friends, for people to like her and want to be around her, she has to "fix" herself.
it's just, like...
it's really hard for me to interpret Yuri's character that doesn't involve her being somewhere on the spectrum, bros. she's written with such delicately constructed autistic coding, despite the appearance of just being a hackneyed weird girl visual novel trope. she deserves the world.......
#related which i'll hopefully talk about in my bigger analysis piece;#i think it's really neat how sayori & yuri's particular kinds of neurodivergent thinking clash in understanding!#like id say sayori is big adhd energy (might talk about that at some point) & deep in the anxiety hole#& yuri is very much autistic with a lot of obvious anxiety#& despite the fact that they clearly relate to each other a lot and have a lot of the same self-destructive thinking#the conflict in understanding is the huge misunderstanding that they get because of the way they both present themselves to each other!#& sayori has a lot of issues which yuri misinterprets as her not liking the book because of her own issues!#& yuri has a lot of issues which sayori misinterprets as sayori's stupidity discouraging yuri because of her own issues!#despite them both trying to tell each other that that isn't the issue at all in different ways. until yuri finally breaks down#& SAYORI BRIDGES THE GAP BETWEEN THEM BECAUSE SHE'S THE GOAT#GRAAAHHHHH I HAVE SO MUCH TO FUCKING SAYYYYYYYYY#ddlc yuri#ddlc#doki doki literature club#musings
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Just saw someone who said Malleus couldn't be an introvert because he wants to connect with others???? I'm offended because do you know what an introvert is? In fact, you could say he's a TRUE introvert because introverts are people who cherish their time alone, but do seek the company of others from time to time because they're aware they need it to survive.
Introverts don't necessarily like shallow socializing, but they like forging meaningful connections with the right people-- be it family, a good friend, or a lover. Introverts are just normal people whose social battery runs out fast, so they save it for those they deem special. Some introverts say they "hate" people because it's hard to explain the nuances, and would definitely be hard for non-introverts to understand, but they actually don't.
A common case of people who'd prefer not to meet others because it makes them uncomfortable are those with social anxiety. Not all introverts have this; Idia is an introvert with social anxiety while Malleus is a regular introvert. Idia, despite being a shut-in, actually doesn't hate people because he enjoys spending time with Ortho, co-oping with Lilia online, and playing board games with Azul.
People who honestly, absolutely DESPISE connecting with others? That is either a misanthrope, antisocial, or some other conditions I don't know the words for. Please do not subscribe in the insane notion that Malleus is somehow an extrovert for wanting another good friend or even a romantic interest lol.
#thank you for listening to my ted talk#i am a true introvert like malleus so i feel him completely#I've somewhat recovered from social anxiety so I understand what it feels like to not really mind getting to know others from time to time#and then go back to my own corner to recharge#twisted wonderland#ventique rambles#malleus draconia
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My mom, talking politics even when i told her not to: THERE IS NO FUTURE!! THE COUNTRY WILL BE DESTROYED, NOTHING WILL BE LEFT!! ONLY THOSE WHO CAN LEAVE WILL SURVIVE!! AND WE CAN'T LEAVE, SO THERE IS NOTHING LEFT FOR PEOPLE LIKE US BUT ENDLESS SUFFERING AND DESPAIR!!
Also my mom: Why do you want to kill yourself, you stupid coward?
#someone please kill milei already#i'm sick of this#not only i have my own depression to battle with but also be the dumpster of all my mother's anxieties#because eldest daughter#while finding no understandment and no kindness for my own struggles at the other side
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Reiterating because apparently it needs to be said once again: just because you've seen my nudes on the internet doesn't mean I want to fuck you.
(No, not even you. You aren't special.)
#that's a blockin'#(this is not about my actual OF subscribers who are all actually very polite and positive interactions on the whole which I appreciate)#SWers don't owe you shit#if you jokingly propose it once and I brush it off and don't block you that's already me being nice#if you push the envelope I'm fucking not here for it#support content creators#I'm here to have fun and try to keep a postive relationship with my own body#not to get propositioned by people who don't understand boundaries#this shit gives me anxiety that I do not need in my current oven of an apartment
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Hey this came up in my therapy group last night and it was a good reminder for me and I thought I'd share it with all my fellow chronic overthinkers and nervous systems <3
One of the most important pieces of advice I've ever received is to take people's words at face value. This ultimately means choosing to believe that people (generally) mean what they say, and doing your best not to "read between the lines" and let your anxieties and insecurities form unproven assumptions about someone's intentions.
It can be an extremely difficult skill to practice. It's taken me a literal decade to adhere to it and I'm still not perfect. But I promise you it's worth it. Setting your mind free of constant suspicions and expecting the worst from people is not naive, it's self-preservation. It can do wonders for your mental well-being.
And no, it doesn't mean you never listen to your intuition, or just blindly assume everyone everywhere is always telling you the truth and has only pristine outward intentions. It simply means that we can't truly get "bad vibes" from a text message, your close friends are almost 100% guaranteed to NOT be lying about wanting to hang out with you, a stranger giving you a compliment is probably not making a joke about you later, etc.
We make so many small judgments and assumptions about the people we interact with every day, and I'm begging you to just once, try to practice saying in your head, "that compliment was nice, I'm going to assume it's genuine." Or "my loved one has never told me they hate me or that I'm too much, so I will operate under the idea that they do actually like and love me." It doesn't even have to be that scripted or complicated. You get the gist, right?
Please choose to be kind to yourselves. Please choose not to sabotage your relationships and connections because your anxiety makes evil, angry lies about you and everyone around you.
You are loved, liked, valued, and worthy. I wish you the best in choosing self-love 💜
#idek how to tag this or anything i just wanted to get it out#it's so important to me that people understand this and i really think we would all be happier and healthier#if we could truly just. literally mind our own business. not make assumptions.#it can go in so many different directions. it doesn't just apply to anxiety#don't assume that asshole in traffic was intentionally being an asshole#maybe they got distracted. maybe something is wrong#like it applies to so many things guys#please give more people the benefit of the doubt. it will save your life#mental health#bpd
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letting myself unmask has been so nice at times because i'm seeing my boyfriend express joy much more readily too. who knew me being expressive and all that would do so much good!!!
#today was touch and go but overall much better than yesterday where i was watching a musical (not my thing) and it was legally blonde (cool)#but everyone's voices were so shrill (ouch) and the audience was clapping (ouch) and talking a lot (ouch)#and i was three rows back from the stage so the lights were bright (ouch) and there were strobe lights (ouch) and the person seated next to#me kept touching me when she turned to talk to the person next to her..... AND my joints were killing me but we had to walk everywhere from#the theatre to the restaurant we ate at for dinner. which was a byob. and i didn't know we were going to a byob or i would've b'd my own b#but my bf's family doesn't drink so it would've been awkward anyway. and no one talks to me and i don't talk to anyone but yet i'm expected#to be there for some reason (??) i'd rather stay home honestly. horrible time. i couldn't even vape because of said family#so i had zero pain or anxiety relief that whole time. and i had the longest meltdown in the theatre. and i couldn't finish bc intermission#so i had to just like. force it down so i could sit there in silence for 15 minutes while everyone else talked to each other.#and then after all that we still had a 40 minute car ride back home. with my bf's mom.#and then today she invited us to the park with her and my bf was like 'do you wanna?' and i couldn't say no in front of her so i said yes#and then felt SO anxious because god. i just needed A Day. so then i shut down. but then i communicated what i was needing to my bf#and we had a nice walk at a different park on our own. phew#i do Not mean to complain but goodness. pre-autism i would've blamed myself for everything that happened#but now i can properly commiserate with people who understand me LOL anyway. look at some of the crazy shit i went through yesterday
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i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao
#shes cool and i dont want to lose her and i know Logically i love her but atm i feel so strange towards her#and idk what to do abt it bc i know in the past ive like...over-communicated a lot and over the last few yrs ive been trying to not do that#bc thats an anxious impulse i think .so like . self control#AND IMPORTANTLY . i may actually be the problem here ?? ok again i love her i dont want to lose her etc but basically ive noticed a pattern#which is that whenever she gets a bf/a man (even fwb) in her life she basically stops talking to me and the limited interactions we do have#become abt him. and while i support her it is acc too much. like we barely talked while she was w her ex bf until he became abusive and#then we talked a lottt like all our convos understandably were abt him . and then when they broke up we kept hanging out so i didnt rly see#the pattern there but still she seemed to centre men a lot in her life like sbe was excited to not date and find herself and then#immediately afterwards started seeing this other guy with whom shes basically in a relationship now#hes nice and all but like . HES ALL SHE TALKS ABT . actually we barely talk atp but when we do its abt him#she sends me reels sometimes but its all abt being jealous abt him etc . and shes bi but she said she doesnt like the idea of dating women#bc theyre scary . and i thought she was kidding in the ohhh women r so beautiful that theyre intimidating way but no she was being entirely#fr . she explained jts bc she was bullied by a girl in the past but like...bro ur ex bf literally abused you like surely you see men are#capable of just as much harm? but obvs who she dates is her own choice . but anyway she has consistently made plans w me then cancelled the#like an hr before . or asked to call me and then proceeded to not do so . when i ask her to meet/call its the same she just doesnt respond#or she cancels ? and while i understand anxiety sucks it feels SO WEIRD STILL . maybe im the problem slightly too bc ik i have no right to#feel this way but it rubs me the wrong way that ik she has so much time to spend w him/calls him all the time despite meeting him just a fe#months ago whereas i just have to like ...be ok w not actually having talked to her for a long time#its gotten to the point where when she says do you wanna meet/call i automatically respond yes and then just assume it doesnt happen . like#there have been several times over the past few months i double booked plans over when we were supposed to call/meet bc i was sure she#wouldnt show up and ive been right each time#like she sends me texts that she misses me or im her best friend etc etc occasionally and then acts rly . contrary to that ?#ive talked to her abt the issue w cancelling on me twice btw. when i was still dating the situationship person she would get sooo mad at#them for not respecting my time and shed tell me i deserve better etc etc and then like . she doesnt seem to respect my time at all#anyway she said she understand and she admits to like...being flaky etc but does nothing abt it#and its not like i can tell her to stop caring so much abt men bc we sorta had convos like that b4 she got This involved w this guy#and apparently it did nothing and the last thing i want is to police her relationships or get in her way#its just AUSHD AUGH#anyway i rly miss her it just doesnt feel the same at all anymore
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Just because you can’t see my struggle doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist… people never seem to understand that high-functioning anxiety and depression exists and is a problem
#high functioning anxiety#high functioning depression#mentally drained#tw depressing stuff#tw anxiety#anxitey#mental health#i hate me so much#sorry for being depressing#tw depressing thoughts#depressing shit#mental problems#you dont even know#please understand#you’ll never know#you’re losing me#you’re on your own kid#i’m so tired#please notice me#please help#it’s getting bad again#tw self h4rm#tw sui ideation#please let me die#let me go#mentally fucked#i am unstable#i wanna be perfect#why cant i just be normal#tw self destructive thoughts
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They weren't lying, this psychological recovery journey got hands
#3rd month of taking antidepressants and knowing that There Is something majorly fucked up within me#i feel like im becoming normal bit by bit but also now my other problems become my aparent to me#i started to notice i have this childlike simplistic attitude towards wonder and relationships but also at the same time i understand the#severity of troubles around me on the level of burned out adult#but also it takes me from a week to several years to realize what people meant#and yet sometimes i get everything clearly#there are still ways to go#i still have to find a therapist#cuz psych diagnosed me with BPD; geberal anxiety disorder and ADHD and said i have autism signs that could explain the development of BPD#but all he can do is medical treatment which is not the kind you need for BPD and autism#im not saying you can treat autism but yeah he meant i need a psychotherapist for these instead of psychiatrist#i hope i can complete this mental health journey bcuz i feel like i finally got hit with all the weight of burnout i had all these years#i did some creative work in the august/early september but rn its all touching grass in real world and playing games#like i cook i help my family with chores i play fortnite i clean up my room i go out at 1am to look at the stars#all of my own volition without feeling like i need to push myself to do this#I'm scared that making art is not one of those things#i often have a thought that maybe art isnt really for me and in a perfect world i wouldnt do it#but then why am i so good at it#like...#petrotalk
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#I DID LAUNDRY#no yall dont understand#i have been unable to drive since april i have been so fucking sick#and after i got treated for sepsis i still had massive anxiety around being in vehicles#(context: while sick i had uncharacteristic intense and violent motion sickness)#ive only just been able to overcome the worst of it to be able to drive my little one to and from school (no busses for preK)#and ive been slowly desensitizing myself by going places with my family#yall.#i just drove my ass to the laundromat and did motherfucking laundry by myself#LAUNDRY#look i know its a fucking everyday chore for most people but it's an everyday chore I Have Not Been Able To Do For Months#a chore i did completely on my own. nobody else in the car for backup or emotional support#it feels like the first small step in truly getting my life back#and it makes me feel so much better knowing there's one more chore i can take off of my husband's shoulders#i did it#i can't believe i fucking did it but holy shit i did#im legit going to cry over fucking doing laundry by myself
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