#and understanding their own anxiety

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

He's getting dragged for the "things like this don't happen to people like me" part of the speech. He's getting called a queerbaiter again for pretending to be queer and playing a victim and a priviledged white male for not understanding that awards and glory do happen to people like him and not black artists. I need to find ways to not care so much because it makes me so mad when I read things like this. I just want to gatekeep him from the general public who don't see him the way we as fans see him. I almost wish he didn't win aoty which is so crazy because I'm so proud of him and that album is so great.

Oh anon - I'm sorry you're finding it so hard.

You can't gatekeep Harry from other people seeing him - other people are going to see him and have opinions about him. He doesn't belong to fans.

One of the tasks of growing up is coming to accept that other people are whole and real and can be very different from you. It's really important to accept the messiness of the world and to do that you need to create your own boundaries.

It's very hard not to care (although I did find myself repeating in a meeting today 'it's OK if coworker is upset - coworker is allowed to have feelings - I don't have to pick them up'. I'm not saying it worked, but it was better than not trying). But you don't have to know what other people think about Harry.

Imagine it was 30 years ago and the only way that you could find out what other people thought about celebrities was talking to them, overhearing their conversations on the bus, or logging into dial-up and reading news groups. Our brains are not equipped to hear thousands and thousands of people's opinions about things we care about and are important to us.

And you can turn the opinions off. It may seem hard, but there are lots of ways that you can limit what you see, at least for now. There are so many ways you can control what you read. You can log out of apps and take them off your phone, but you don't need to be that drastic. If you're using twitter you can set it to only see who you want to see. You can block and unfollow people who you don't want to read and mute people who are putting people you don't want to read onto your feed. Don't let algorithims put that distress you onto your feed. If you don't want to read discourse about Harry discourse - unfollow blogs who are doing that (including me).

Can you set up some Harry content you really like (maybe the livestream of One Night Only?) and every time you're tempted to read discourse watch that and connect with the joy Harry's music brings you instead.

There are lots of times when it's a good idea to sit with you feelings, name them, let them be. But there are also times when you can make your life much better by turning off the tap of other people's dumbass opinions.

[hinamie]

thank u canon plant nerd megumi for my life

bonus:

[turtleblogatlast]

One of the earliest examples of Leo’s “I’ll do my own thing to accomplish our goal without discussing it with my team first” is in episode one. It’s super, super quick, and ultimately inconsequential, but it subtly sets up a great precedent that I think is very interesting.

When the boys need to grab the medallion from Splinter without Splinter noticing, Raph, Mikey, and Donnie huddle together with Raph taking the lead in trying to devise a plan to get the mystic device. Meanwhile, Leo slinks away and grabs the device by clocking the situation (by knowing his father well enough to predict his actions - something he does with each family member multiple times in the series) and making a move on his own.

It works out perfectly fine, and is ultimately the best move, and it’s honestly okay that he didn’t consult everyone for something so small when it’s such a non issue to get it, but it nicely sets up how this tends to go in the series, including how it goes in the movie.

To be honest episode one is actually really good at setting up a lot of things for each character in the long run, this is just one example that caught my attention, as small and unassuming as it is.

[shannonsketches]

Why is the anime so weird, it's not even the same series dude?? It's like,

Anime:

GOKU: I have a great idea to bring peace to the universe, and my leadership and compassion alone will unite us all. I have No Flaws and am A True Relatable Everyman :)

VEGETA: NO! I AM THE BEST AND I WILL CAUSE PROBLEMS UNTIL I AM RECOGNIZED AS SUCH!!!!

Manga:

GOKU: Vegeta what's cornmeal made of? I know it's what the corn eats, but what's it made of? VEGETA: Hey Kakarot let's play the quiet game until one of us dies.

[maypersonne]

Shang Qinghua really does think that he is unlovable huh

He really thinks that he is of no value to anyone if he isn't making himself useful he will be disposed off and that will be it

He genuinely believes no would ever want him so he manipulate and posture as a lesser so to be seen as a necessary annoyance rather than the pest he believes himself to be

He hates all the work he has to do but he prefers exhaustion to the paranoia and anxiety that eat him up when he isn't showcasing his value

He is in a constant battle just to be acceptable rather than loved so he can just be in the presence of those who are dear to him

Like damn like father like son I can see where binghe got all his issues like airplane bro stop unloading it all on your OCs look you gave the poor dear anxiety

[endlessmidnights]

Does anyone else have no idea how to make friends or is it just me?

[heartbeatbookclub]

I was looking at a few posts about autism (as one does) and it just suddenly clicked into place a fundamental thing about Yuri's character that I'd been grasping at, but hadn't really been able to adequately identify. I still have a much longer and more thorough analysis going through a whole lot of my thoughts on Yuri's character and her experience of autism that i'm working on (of which this will likely be a component), but I thought I'd share this separately just to emphasize.

Post I saw which made this click for me was making fun of the fact that most media depicting impaired empathy in autistic characters explicitly depicts them with this unflappable confidence of never having been rejected by people they love. The crux of this is that in actual reality, autistic people almost always have that experience at some point, for some behavior, for reasons they don't really understand. "There is an invisible line where people will get sick of you, and you have no warning of when you're about to cross it." So frequently, autistic people attempt to ride a razor thin edge, walking on constant eggshells to desperately attempt to avoid crossing that line.

Very often autistic people will attempt to avoid doing anything at all which could be considered weird, or off-putting, and will try their absolute hardest to do things in a way that is acceptable to other people, sometimes to the point of outright suppressing their emotions, because they are afraid that they'll say something just wrong enough that the people they care about will push them away, and they don't understand WHY it happened, but they know it's THEIR fault. Sometimes masking is fighting to appear aloof all the time because you can't regulate your emotions in a way that is acceptable to other people.

And holy fucking Jesus, that fits the exact mold of what I've been trying to talk about with the particular way Yuri's anxieties manifest.

It really feels to me like Yuri has this constant fear of breaking the "rules" of socializing, despite not really understanding what those rules even are. She's constantly afraid of saying something wrong, when she doesn't even know what wrong would be, she's just sure everyone ELSE will know it when they hear it. I think a huge part of her social anxiety comes from her own understanding of herself as a very weird person who doesn't really get a lot of how to socialize, and it seems to me like she's probably dealt with her fair share of social rejection and isolation based on those traits. She then felt she had to take responsibility for those traits, probably because it's the one thing she can change, and she is the one common denominator in all of these bad situations (This is something which is pretty common, actually! "Everyone else can socialize just fine, and I have so much difficulty with it! I must just be broken in some way. I have to try super hard to be normal to make friends!")

I think a big part of why it's so apparent in the Literature Club is because she really thinks she's found a place where she can make friends in spite of all of her issues, so when she starts...being herself, and receives even the smallest HINT of pushback, she overcorrects and tries to rein all of herself in to fix her "mistake", because she really wants to make friends here, and doesn't want them to reject her as well.

She's had this experience of others pushing her away for being weird so often that, coupled with her acknowledged trouble for reading situations, when anybody responds poorly to something and she recognizes it, she immediately overcorrects out of fear of being an annoying burden to everyone around her, and that "correction" consists of suppressing herself into being "normal" (or at least "less weird"), because she believes nobody could actually like her just for being who she is. There's something wrong with her fundamentally, and to make friends, for people to like her and want to be around her, she has to "fix" herself.

it's just, like...

it's really hard for me to interpret Yuri's character that doesn't involve her being somewhere on the spectrum, bros. she's written with such delicately constructed autistic coding, despite the appearance of just being a hackneyed weird girl visual novel trope. she deserves the world.......

[ventique18]

Just saw someone who said Malleus couldn't be an introvert because he wants to connect with others???? I'm offended because do you know what an introvert is? In fact, you could say he's a TRUE introvert because introverts are people who cherish their time alone, but do seek the company of others from time to time because they're aware they need it to survive.

Introverts don't necessarily like shallow socializing, but they like forging meaningful connections with the right people-- be it family, a good friend, or a lover. Introverts are just normal people whose social battery runs out fast, so they save it for those they deem special. Some introverts say they "hate" people because it's hard to explain the nuances, and would definitely be hard for non-introverts to understand, but they actually don't.

A common case of people who'd prefer not to meet others because it makes them uncomfortable are those with social anxiety. Not all introverts have this; Idia is an introvert with social anxiety while Malleus is a regular introvert. Idia, despite being a shut-in, actually doesn't hate people because he enjoys spending time with Ortho, co-oping with Lilia online, and playing board games with Azul.

People who honestly, absolutely DESPISE connecting with others? That is either a misanthrope, antisocial, or some other conditions I don't know the words for. Please do not subscribe in the insane notion that Malleus is somehow an extrovert for wanting another good friend or even a romantic interest lol.

[streets-in-paradise]

My mom, talking politics even when i told her not to: THERE IS NO FUTURE!! THE COUNTRY WILL BE DESTROYED, NOTHING WILL BE LEFT!! ONLY THOSE WHO CAN LEAVE WILL SURVIVE!! AND WE CAN'T LEAVE, SO THERE IS NOTHING LEFT FOR PEOPLE LIKE US BUT ENDLESS SUFFERING AND DESPAIR!!

Also my mom: Why do you want to kill yourself, you stupid coward?

[rubenesque-as-fuck]

Reiterating because apparently it needs to be said once again: just because you've seen my nudes on the internet doesn't mean I want to fuck you.

(No, not even you. You aren't special.)

[nenoname]

the stan twins both having giant egos juxtaposed with their crippling self worth and shame being a huge part of their lives...

[softandwildx]

Hey this came up in my therapy group last night and it was a good reminder for me and I thought I'd share it with all my fellow chronic overthinkers and nervous systems <3

One of the most important pieces of advice I've ever received is to take people's words at face value. This ultimately means choosing to believe that people (generally) mean what they say, and doing your best not to "read between the lines" and let your anxieties and insecurities form unproven assumptions about someone's intentions.

It can be an extremely difficult skill to practice. It's taken me a literal decade to adhere to it and I'm still not perfect. But I promise you it's worth it. Setting your mind free of constant suspicions and expecting the worst from people is not naive, it's self-preservation. It can do wonders for your mental well-being.

And no, it doesn't mean you never listen to your intuition, or just blindly assume everyone everywhere is always telling you the truth and has only pristine outward intentions. It simply means that we can't truly get "bad vibes" from a text message, your close friends are almost 100% guaranteed to NOT be lying about wanting to hang out with you, a stranger giving you a compliment is probably not making a joke about you later, etc.

We make so many small judgments and assumptions about the people we interact with every day, and I'm begging you to just once, try to practice saying in your head, "that compliment was nice, I'm going to assume it's genuine." Or "my loved one has never told me they hate me or that I'm too much, so I will operate under the idea that they do actually like and love me." It doesn't even have to be that scripted or complicated. You get the gist, right?

Please choose to be kind to yourselves. Please choose not to sabotage your relationships and connections because your anxiety makes evil, angry lies about you and everyone around you.

You are loved, liked, valued, and worthy. I wish you the best in choosing self-love 💜

[shock-micro]

it's funny bc like. for so long i was fascinated by plurality and what the brain could do. and now it's like. what do you mean you're alone in there. what do you mean you don't even have an inner monologue. how is that possible how do you think

[endlessmidnights]

Just because you can’t see my struggle doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist… people never seem to understand that high-functioning anxiety and depression exists and is a problem

[pollen]

letting myself unmask has been so nice at times because i'm seeing my boyfriend express joy much more readily too. who knew me being expressive and all that would do so much good!!!

[faaun]

i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao