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chordata-on-alterhumanity · 3 years

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The Chordata Guide to Otherlinking

Hello! This is a guide written from my own experiences, and a tiny bit of consulting with other ‘linkers. If you can think of ways to improve this, let me know, and I’ll update the original post. This is Version 1.1.

What is otherlinking? What is a linktype?

Otherlinking is the active choice of identifying as something. This sounds very vague, so let’s have an example: Imagining yourself as a lion makes you more confident, so you like doing that frequently. Identifying as a lion becomes a part of your identity.

For many of us, otherlinking includes consciously taking on traits of out linktype (imitating/“fake it ‘til you make it” OR strengthening already existing traits by focusing on them through a linktype). This is a form of mindfulness training. For example: I would like to be as calm and collected as insert-fictional-character. In stressful situations, I think “How would they react?” and try to act that way by imagining myself as them. If this revolves around already existing traits, a linktype can help amplify those traits.

Let's get some vocabulary out of the way first, for everyone who comes across this and isn’t familiar with otherlinking.

● Linktype / Otherlink / 'link- A voluntary identity a person takes on. I.e. I identify as a woodpecker because I want to. This identity can be of a real existing or extinct animal or plant, a mythological being, a fictional being or person, an object, a concept, et cetera.

● Otherlinker - A person with a linktype.

● Otherlinking - The act of having a linktype.

● Copinglink / C'link - A subcategory of linktype. A copinglink is a linktype created for coping with trauma, stress, et cetera.

● Copinglinker - A person with a copinglink.

● Copinglinking - The act of having a copinglink.

Requirements

You might ask yourself: "I want a linktype. What're the requirements to get one?" Well, you already got all the requirements down. To take on a linktype, you need to want one. Whether you feel compelled to take one on, or you feel it could help you in some way, or you decide you want to try this just for the heck of it, it's all valid. You want, you can.

How?

This is the trickier part, and it varies from person to person. I will give a basic rundown. Adjust this for your personal needs where you see fit.

1. Find your being/thing/concept.

2. Examine your reasons for why you want to call this yourself.

3.a. Your reasons for wanting the linktype might already be enough to make the identity feel right.

3.b. If you don't feel yourself clicking with the potential 'link, and struggle with identifying as it, analyze it to find the traits that don't resonate with you. You can change parts of the 'link, or view it through a different lens to make it feel closer to home. I.e. For fictional characters, it can help to disengage from fandom interpretation, or canon characterization, and instead put your own spin on them.

4. Once you've established a connection, you can reinforce it if you want to. A linktype can feel very faint at the start, so here are some examples for what you can do to make it feel more 'You':

● Wear clothing you can associate with the 'link.

● Inform yourself about new hobbies that you can associate with your linktype. I.e. If your linktype is an archer and you've never tried archery before, see if you can find an archery range open to newbies nearby.

● If you are a visual artist, create drawings of your linktype in a way that relates to your irl person. I.e. Draw the linktype in your clothes, or in irl places you've been in person.

● If you're a writer, write something including your linktype in a way that relates to you. I.e. Include them in a story inspired by real life events that have happened to you.

● Make the linktype your social media profile picture.

● Let people know they can use the linktype's name as a nickname for you.

● Change your social media alias/username to be related to the linktype’s name.

● Talk to people who will treat you as your linktype (and not just view it as roleplaying).

Don't be ashamed of expressing yourself in fear of other people’s opinions. Unless you're dependent on them (for money, safety, or other physical and mental health needs), it doesn't matter what they think.

Caution

If at any point in your journey you notice that a linktype makes you feel worse about yourself than you do without the linktype (i.e. feeding into anger, self-hatred), stop it. These dangers can already crop up during the ‘link creation process. Here are ways to go about this, and possible causes:

● Stop engaging with it. This sounds very 'It'll go away if I ignore it long enough', but that's exactly it. A linktype should fade when you don't engage with it anymore. Don't approach this by thinking "I'm not allowed to think about this anymore", but instead, every time when your linktype comes up, acknowledge it, and replace that thought with something else. If you struggle with this, examine what 'triggers' you to think of your linktype. Mindfulness is a powerful thing that often goes underestimated.

● Replace it with a different linktype that doesn't bring these problems.

● If your linktype started off without these issues, try to find out what caused it to change to become negative. Maybe there are other factors in your life that're putting stress on you and it shows through your linktype.

● Maybe you’ve outgrown your linktype. People can change over time, and your linktype could be preventing you from taking the next steps for personal growth, and this can negatively influence your well-being. Try letting go of the linktype. It might turn out the be a freeing experience.

● Talk to a therapist (, or, if you can’t access therapy, an understanding friend). Yes, tell them specifically about the linktype and the problems you have with it. A second person can shine a light on aspects you didn’t notice.

Good to know

A linktype can become an integral part to yourself, and at some point you might find it hard to separate it from yourself. Is this still a linktype? Is it a kintype (otherkin)? That is for you to know and decide. The lines can be blurry, and at the end of the day you are the only person who can decide what labels you want to use and what community has the most in common with you (if you even want to label yourself and interact with ppl w similar experiences). Unless it is harming you (or others), a linktype turned integral is nothing bad. Our environments shape us as people constantly, and a linktype over time can contribute similarly.

🐟

That’s it! If you have questions or need help, feel free to contact me through Asks or DMs. If I’m unavailable, search around a bit to find other otherlinkers who might be able to help you. ♡

#otherlink #copinglink #linktype #voluntary identity #otherlinking #copinglinking #otherlinker #copinglinker #c'link #quoiluntary #alterhuman #fictionlinker #fictionlink #otherlink guide #own post

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ablednt · 4 years

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aren’t u that blog that constantly promotes self dx and bashes professional dx? like self dx is fine but it’s a last resort for people who can’t access prof dx.

I don't bash prof dx, first off. I fully understand and respect people who needed one for any reason.

However self diagnosis should never be treated like a backup for if you can't get a prof dx and here is why:

(Disclaimer: exact details vary by country making this not fully accurate in every country also I am not saying that treatment is bad or that therapists are inherently bad I am currently trying to seek therapy but any good therapist will treat you without a diagnosis if they are aware of the legal consequences of one)

You can and likely will lose your rights for your diagnoses. It's different by country but in the US if your diagnosed with things like DID, Autism, and probs a lot more you won't be allowed to go on HRT if you're trans. You may have your children taken away if you have any, you may be prevented from donating or receiving blood or organs, if you have abusive family members they may be able to put you under a conservatorship (what happened to Britney Spears) etc.

Literally the vast majority of psychologists do not study these disorders! Do you know what they do when they prof dx? THE SAME SHIT PPL WHO SELF DX DO. The dx process is exactly the same but with a professional dx you have someone who doesn't have that thing, who has no actual first hand experiences, listening to you talk about that thing and telling you whether or not they think you have it with literally no input from the community.

By saying every one has to try to be prof dxed before they're allowed to self dx you're saying that people of color should put up with blatant racism because there's so many documented biases.

Also the criteria that therapists use to diagnose is found in the dsm5, have you read it? I have, it says that autistic people cannot take care of themselves that they're prone to self harm bc of their autism and that they should have their needs ignored it uses all the labels that autistic people ask it doesn't. It says that even if an adult fits all the criteria of ADHD that if their parents arent available to say "yeah they sucked at school and were annoying" that you shouldn't diagnose them. The criteria for personality disorders, schizophrenia, and similar are all intentionally vague and/or exclusionary to one highly stereotyped set of symptoms. They literally admitted to trying to make the criteria for DID as specific and exclusive as possible because they wanted to remove it entirely because they believed people dxed with MPD before DID was coined did not deserve treatment.

The field of psychology started historically to abuse people, they were thrown into asylums and literally beaten and subjected to horrible conditions for any presumed mental illness. This actually has not changed very much at all, even in the last century a psychiatrist was caught physically abusing his patients and using the theory he made on DID to force them to keep coming to him for therapy. Psyche wards are notorious for mistreating patients there in every aspect and I've had psyche students tell me they believe that psychologists should have the right to physically harm patients. Children professionally dxed with autism are often physically harmed at school by their teachers, physical restraint is still used and it's killed multiple autistic students.

Children and teens in abusive homes have ableist parents often who may get violent or worsen the abuse or use a dx against them legally to trap them at home. Do you give them a pass for self dx? Except here's the thing you literally don't know who's being abused and who isn't and asking ppl that is really fucked up so you should be accepting all self dx to create a welcoming and safe space for them.

Physciatrists actually misdiagnose more than people mis-self-diagnose. Which isn't a reflection on the psychiatrist as much as the fact that people know their own experiences but they very often can't explain them. An example before I met someone who had OSDD1 and would explain it to me from first hand perspective no one would have ever suspected I had a dissociative disorder and was plural Because the only words I had for my experiences were "everything before a certain date literally wasn't me idk I'm just not the same person I was" "I'm a really good writer because I talk to characters in my head all day and they respond to things even when I'm not trying to think about them and they're real to me somehow idk lol" none of that sounds like DID but I was actually describing memory gaps from switches, internal communication and presence of fictives, etc. The best guest anyone had was depression and an overactive imagination. Self dxing is literally more accurate and accessible because people can look at the community and see the disorder explained from first hand experience.

Historically (but it's still happening in some cases) therapists would literally refuse treatment to anyone who talked to other people with their diagnosis. The case I'm thinking of is people with MPD (the dx that came before DID replaced it) would be refused therapy if they spoke to anyone else with MPD outside of therapy and even forbade them from going to support groups for survivors of incestual abuse because those groups advocated for the rights of people with MPD. To this day therapists often disrespect any and all ND/mentally ill communities because we happen to know our own literal lived experiences better than them.

Oh and prof dxes are often used against people legally so if anyone is in a minority group often targeted by police that potentially puts them in even more danger if they're arrested. Least we forget there's an entire field of study dedicated to criminalizing mental illness.

This isnt even half the reasons but I'm running out of spoons (I can source most of these things but I don't have the spoons so if anyone needs a source just ask)

I'm a firm believer that the need for prof dx not be pushed on everyone when it can have permanent and negative consequences and is no better than a self dx. If someone needs a diagnosis for access to medications, for financial support, or for any other legal reason then it very well may be worth the risk but they need to have the right to understand the consequences and make that decision. Imo it's professional dxes that should be not a last resort perse but it shouldn't even remotely be your first steps, your first steps are find the community and hear their actual lived experiences bc that will be so much clearer than anything a therapist who doesn't experience that thing can explain.

Also why do you care if people self dx? Why does their not having an Official Document saying they have their disorder bother you? I think it's deeply unsettling that you think everyone in the entire world needs YOUR approval to have something.

Jsyk the sentiment that self dx is lesser than prof dx is fostered by our capitalist nt society that's benefiting off of our abuse and systematic oppression so like you're literally helping us stay oppressed with this rhetoric.

If y'all really want to be progressive and anti-capitalist like most of this site does (and should) then that goes for disability justice too. Stop helping our own communities abuse and accept that not everyone has the luxury you apparently had to never be affected by your diagnosis ever.

#long post #outbox #negative #abuse tw #ableism tw #psychiatric ward tw #psych ward tw #police tw #ask to tag #self dx discussion #anyway if you think you personally approve who deserves a self dx then youre disgusting and need to figure something out for that power trip

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fairycosmos · 4 years

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i hate grief bc i've wanted to die my whole life and thinking about the person i lost never wanted to make me stay but now that they are the ones who died i'm angry as fuck every day and feel trapped but i know that if it had been me the one to die it would have been ok and i wouldnt even have worried about it/hurting ppl with my death. like every day i do H and get drunk and i dont care about dying you know? but i lost someone and it makes me angry that THEY didnt care. do you get what i mean?

i am really really sorry for your loss. yeah. i know what you mean, at least to an extent. everyone’s grief and suffering is unique to them and the relationship they had with the one who passed, but i can relate so much to being trapped and mad and out of my mind. i think a lot of people can. it seems like so many of us are walking around half disillusioned by this existence and half completely done with it because of the shit we’ve been through. every day i feel a form of anger (most of the time it is cold and numbing) when i think about how my sister died. i have gone round and round in my head about why she did the things she did. because even if it wasn’t fully preventable, it wasn’t cancer or a car crash or anything like that. when i found out what she had in her system. god. i can not explain to you what that moment was like. it fucking choked me. all i remember is i felt my heart beating somewhere in my head, and i was PISSED. i thought i was going to pass out. because it’s like you said - she didn’t care, and that was almost like proof. she went to sleep thinking nothing of anything. mindless. after weeks of lecturing her, after her constant presence in my life, all that time. after years of her fucking around w other drugs and finally finding stability only to slip for less than a month bc of some fucking man, only to lose her entire life to a mistake - it’s inexplicable. i can sit here and write to you about it but i still cant’t fathom it. how she didn’t give a fuck, or she couldn’t see the situation clearly enough to. and now i’m living this forever without her. now i have to take care of my mother alone. now i’ve lost my best friend. and she lost everything. she was a whole person, she would’ve had years left and she deserved to. and the only reason she didn’t is because she couldn’t fuckin accept how much she was worth, how much life was worth so she gambled w death. what i’m saying is i understand that in a way, maybe a selfish way, i don’t know - it almost feels mocking. because we’ll never know if they realize what they’ve done. after she died that’s all i could repeat out loud in the shower. i kept saying: you don’t know what you’ve done. idiot, stupid girl. shit like that. every time i tried to talk to her, it was a lecture. so yeah. it is very very normal to be pissed off and bitter dude. it is not easy or fair to be left behind. it’s all a normal part of grief. losing it entirely is the whole thing because honestly what else can you do.

i could be wrong but. unfortunately i think all of these emotions, in the context of you, stem from the fact that it is easier to care for others than it is to care about yourself. you’re not bothered about yourself dying because you don’t have the same love for yourself that you had for the one who passed. you don’t see yourself as important in that way. i don’t know what happened to make you feel like that. maybe whatever it was lead you to use drugs n alcohol to escape in the first place. maybe you think you not mattering is some sort of universal truth, but it’s not. it’s a belief you constructed either out of pain or as a trauma response that you’ve clung onto so much that you’ve convinced yourself it’s reality. it’s clear you’re going through an insurmountably difficult time, and i know words on a screen aren’t going to change that. i wont pretend to get it first hand. i just want you to know that the same way you wish your friend had realized the worth in their life before it was too late, that same anger born from frustration and sadness - that’s how a lot of people likely feel about you. and i know you don’t care about hurting them w your death because you don’t care about anything. your friend didn’t care, why should you, right? but that’s how the cycle perpetuates. and you’re the one who has to live with this all now, stuck here or not. try to periodically and consciously recognize how fucked up and permanent grief is. you don’t want to be the one to cause it. not really. not when you can see it for what it is and you have the option to prevent it. you are here no matter how much you wish not to be. you do deserve to find substantial peace, stability and good health while you still can. that’s non negotiable. even if it takes a fucking life time getting there.

i completely understand that it is all far easier said than done. that you have to be the one who is willing to reach out for help and to really stick w a plan but. i guess i just hope you know that the option will always be waiting for you when you are willing to seek it out. whether it’s through a hotline, rehab, your doctor, your friends and family, 2 hours without using or drinking. any step in the right direction is commendable. you are absolutely more resilient than you realize. more in general than you realize. you’ve had to deal with so much, just the most unimaginable things, and you’re still here. i know that’s because you feel you have no real choice in the matter, back to being trapped here. but nonetheless you’re making it. you can learn to treat yourself w the same regard that you treated your friend. you can learn to care about what happens to you. you can slowly make a home out of what you currently see as a jail. through talking, through implementing healthier coping mechanisms into your daily life, through building a support system, through confronting and processing how much it hurts, through finding the clarity that comes with progress. all the things your brain wants you to write off. addiction and mental illness are genuine health concerns that require long lasting therapy and treatment just like any other ailment. and maybe the point is to learn to live with them, rather than to cure them entirely. but they are not a death sentence (and that is a good thing), and they are not the entirety of you. you are just currently very overwhelmed by them, understandably so. excuse me if this is all sounds like naïve bullshit, but maybe some day you will be able to take some of it on board if you can’t right now. anyway, it sounds cliche as fuck, but every day that you’re alive you’re keeping your friend’s influence on this world alive too. you were shaped by them, in more ways than you realize. and they’re here in more ways than we realize too. not necessarily ghosts, at least imo. but just around. and in your head, in the universe. i am rooting for you so much and i hope you can accept that even if it all feels like lies, it’s ok to treat yourself w kindness. any attempt is good enough. sending a lot of love your way. please take care of yourself as much as possible. please consider your needs and your well being while you still have the choice to. sorry to go all 90s drug prevention ad on you btw, but u know me. i’m incapable of shutting up and minding my business abt this sort of thing lol

#tw drugs #tw addiction #tw death #tw overdose #tw suicide #anon

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gracehcreates-bct · 3 years

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W8 Studio - Project into the public

X-Challenge

I entered my team into X-Challenge, but unfortunately our group was too big to do the whole project so we split ourselves into two and did the app and boot cleaner as seperate ideas.

Boot Cleaner Prototype

Kent made a boot cleaner prototype over the weekend, using cardboard and pvc pipes. Not included is the spray, which would be situated underneath the boot.

Survey Results

I sent out the survey on facebook, first to the Creative Technologies Year 3 page and then my neighbourhood community’s page. So far there are 62 responses.

1. How often do you go on walking trails?

Once a week - 11 people Once fortnightly - 7 people Once a month - 23 people Once a year - 18 people Never - 3 people

2. Who would you usually take with you? (pick between 1 - 2)

Family - 46 people Friends - 19 people Dogs - 12 people No-one - 11 people

3. Have you heard of the Kauri Dieback Disease?

61/62 people have heard of Kauri Dieback.

4. If yes, how do you think preventing it is to New Zealand’s forests in the future? (on a scale of 1 - 10)

Average is 9.1, with 6 out of 60 people who answered this question ranking it below 8.

5. What would make the boot cleaner more convienent?

About 17 out of 62 thought that the boot cleaner was fine as it is. Two people answered there should be more of them.

Answers about the station itself: - Maybe if it was longer so you can keep moving as you clean. So others don’t get held up behind you. - If more people could use it at the same time. - Maybe a larger, flatter station - Proper set up like your picture - as some are only a mat and can easily be avoided - A seat to sit on when spraying shoes with the stuff. Very hard to work hose on one foot with a pack on - Regular servicing - I guess it's a bit of a bottle neck, depending on the popularity of the trial maybe it holds people up? - Have more of an obstacle that makes it so you get in slower. Therefore, making you clean your shoes more thoroughly? :D - Better maintenance sometimes they are worn out - Clearer instructions Easier to use Maybe a video

Answers about boot cleaner: - I guess if it rotated it might get more sit out from the grooves? Also, with covid I try to avoid touching anything and this this old style and the spray gun you have to touch - Have a cleaner for jandals. This one doesn’t work so well - Foot activated sprays. Physical barriers that force people to activate the spray to get thru the barrier. - Weight based means children and lighter people don't activate it so perhaps something that doesn't get activated by weight that you walk through. Shallow enough to just cover sole of shes/boots - Maybe some foot level spray system. Sometimes balancing on one foot to spray is tricky - the spray trigger should have a novel so that it covers each shoe in one spray - Fixed brushes as shown here. The hand squirter and hand brush combination is too difficult to manage. Lose balance and give up - A hand held brush to scrub the side of shoes. - No spray, just scrub and step - A device to clamp around shoes and spray all around - Rotating brushes - Making the brushes not worn down. Last bush walk I went on the brushes for your feet were too worn down and didn’t work very well - Bending down is tricky so a system that doesn’t make you bend over is good - If it always had disinfectant in it. - It having the spray stuff in it and not be empty - Not have to use the hand spray bottle that is found on some stations. - Find it ok as it is, but prefer the one that sprays your shoes when you stand on it to the hand held one - Automatic - probably some type of automated boot cleaner - I am liking the new "hop on to spray" pads

Other: - It’s fine but something to keep the spray from coming up and wetting your shoes and ankles would be good-keep it to the soles - designing something the birds might use, as it's far more likely to be transmitted by them. - An agent that actually is proven as working on phytophthora - I think the boots cleaners are possibly okay, it's the dogs i always think , might be more carriers especially as often off lead when they shouldn't be. - Nothing. I think it’s clearly marked with instructions and you can’t miss them at the beginning and end of tracks. One time there was a DOC guy there educating people how to clean boots properly which was helpful cos I had actually been doing the process the wrong way around prior to that! - RGB LEDs, to attract the kids - maybe having someone employed by like doc or something to make sure there are ppl washing their shoee

6. How effective do you think the covid tracer app was in preventing the spread of covid-19? (on a scale of 1 - 10)

Average is 7.3, with only 5 people out of 62 ranking it below a 5.

7. We are designing an app and deciding on the content, what is most appealing to you?

Treasure Hunt - #1.82 average Augmented Reality boot cleaner - #2.06 average Running statistics tracker - #2.11 average

8. Why did you choose the previous answer? Otherwise, give us an example of something you’d like to see on it.

About 5/46 people answered that they couldn’t see the image I had used, which is my own fault but the survey website is difficult to understand. 4/46 directly said “Treasure Hunts are fun”. Two people said it didn’t matter as long as it was simple to use.

- Statistics can drive behaviour - Treasure hunt appeals to families using tracks - There is a general lack of information about Kauri Dieback at the boot cleaning stations especially Tane Mahuta - information would result in adherence - The question wasn’t clear to me so I chose the fun option. No idea what AR boot cleaner is - maybe I didn’t click on something? - Seemed the most applicable (Augmented Reality) - Didn’t really have a view. Not sure what the point of the treasure hunt and A4 - I just think the treasure hunt idea has more appeal. Not clear how it works - A map of dieback - Information on Kauri on the area you are about to walk in, how many, if have any signs of disease - Definitely make it fun to use, stats make it interesting - learn with play: Tree/ nature trivia, e.g. like: what tree is this? (photo) - Sounds more fun (Treasure Hunt) - Fun makes things engaging. Also, running is boring. - Treasure hunt might make it more interesting for the grandchildren I take hiking. I know what AR is but I cannot imaging it being useful for book cleaning. - Links with GPS - Easy to find information for the novice /infrequent tramper - I didn't see how the answers linked to the app. What's the purpose of the app? If it's just to track like the covid app it doesn't need anything else on it. Most people who run in the bush would use another app already. - if i got it my main , objective would be to help with Die-back .Stats would be interesting so No.2,Treasure hunt No.3 , as kids grown up , but even if younger i might have put 3 , but would be good for younsters - I may take my child if there is a treasure hunt as part of the app/walk - The AR boot cleaner would encourage people to clean their shoes properly because it would make cleaning more fun and accurate. - I like stats - and I like the new aspect of the covid app where you get a little sticker icon when you get 14 days diary entry. - Got to be something interesting and fun. Maybe as an incentive add in spot prizes provided by possible sponsors.. - NZ health statistics - Interactive is fun and makes you feel involved - More visually appealing (Treasure Hunt) - More fun makes people more likely to use. - Don't understand what the boot one is - Routes recommendation, especially secret/not popular spots. Treasure hunting is a bit like that - Treasure hunt seems rewarding. AR seems interactive. Statistics sound boring - I think that if you make it a sort of game it will encourage people to get into the nitty gritty parts of shoe! - Not sure why I'd want a virtual boot cleaner tbh. Other content could be birds to look out for.. bit of history, exercise tips - Helps me know which parts of my boots are clean :)

9. Thank you for taking the time to do this. Any other ideas/feedback for us?

- Anything to help contain the spread and educate people is good-Tane Mahuta was our first experience and there was no information and no reception to be able to Google it. - Would love people to be encouraged to use the boot wash more. - Good idea to encourage behaviours that will stop the spread. Well done - no, its communist propaganda - I develop apps myself, but I am doubtful about their applicability to Kauri Dieback reduction - An alarm when boots are not cleaned properly. - Still not sure what your app will do. - Good luck , please put a reminder if possible the importance of dogs on leads in areas where needed.PS We do own a dog! - Thank you for your work - I put 10 as meaning it is very important. You don’t say how the scale works though - Kauri Dieback poses a serious issue and I'm glad theres a project looking at this!! 🙌 - I would just try to be really focused on the problem you want to solve. Is it boot cleaning, is it awareness, is it history, is it fitness

Additionally Miles emailed Dr Gerth, so we have an interview with her on May 27th.

#CTEC708

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tamedbyafox · 4 years

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why is it so wrong for property owners to take steps to ensure random strangers don't use their property to camp out? you typed up so much about the evils of hostile architecture, if that's what you believe then are you inviting homeless ppl to sleep in your backyard or living room instead? why not?? maybe because people you don't know have the potential to be destructive and dangerous????

this is the sort of very sad attitude that I think hostile architecture creates and encourages. I’m very sorry you live your life in so much fear. Can you really think your perception of your property’s relative safety is more important than someone else’s safety, and the thinnest smidgen of comfort?

Your ask only talks about houseless people, not those who are disabled, elderly, or have a house and simply want to socialize out in the public space. So it doesn’t address what I added to that post, but I’ll stake out my general thoughts on this nonetheless. Next time, you may want to try addressing the issues someone’s actually speaking on rather than raising the standard “Not-In-My-Backyard” defenses.

First, other people aren’t an existential threat. People existing in the general vicinity of you, or the general vicinity of your stuff, isn’t some huge threat. Most people are just people, wanting to go about their day and be left alone. People are generally ok, and they’re part of your community. To the extent that people (housed and unhoused, in public and in private) do cause harm, simply saying “you can’t sit here!” isn’t actually addressing the problem. And this also ignores that those who are unhoused are more often the harmed party than the one causing harm.

And, on the same point, if you’re going to say that unknown people are dangerous, you can’t even justify the existence of a shopping mall or a mega-store. Too many people, they might be dangerous. A laundromat? A school? A Church?!?! Theme parks??!!?!? Any sort of public space could be a threat, we should just abolish them all. The idea that people you don’t know are inherently dangerous is the deathknell of any hope of community.

Second, you’re making a false equivalency between public space and private space with your comment on living rooms. (the backyard, interestingly, is a reality for many people - there are several houseless people who stay in what I and my neighbors consider our “backyard”, and thats just fine. We’ve never had issues.) Those images in the post though, were of park benches, sidewalks, the buildings that abut a sidewalk, little trees and such. That’s a public space for people to be in! Those spaces are specifically designed for people to be in! Public spaces are for us to use! And that means all people - the houseless, the disabled, community members who just want to be outside. These park benches and trees and sidewalks were put there for the community. And to the extent that some corporation wants their storefront to take advantage of the traffic of the community, they should have to be welcoming of our community - all of it, housed, unhoused. And if the space can be used by someone to stay warm or dry, then they should do that.

Third, these people are forced to “camp out” in these spaces because we, their community, have failed them. There are systemic failures that prevent them from sleeping somewhere warmer than that. Somewhere safer than that. And I am absolutely working towards a world where everyone has the right to a warm, safe, stable housing situation. But until that day, I’m not going to deny them the panacea of a slightly warmer place, a slightly more sheltered place, a slightly safer place. Can you really look at someone huddling in a building’s indent to get out of the wind and kick them out? Why should I punish someone for a situation caused by a systemic failure of our society?

Fourth, these bits of sharp metal and wooden dividers don’t actually solve a single problem. The act of putting up some hostile architecture doesn’t address safety, or houselesness, or any other root issue. It simply pushes the problem onto someone else. All these achieve is forcing people you don’t want to see somewhere else. It doesn’t make them, or you, or the people in the space they’re going to fo to, more safe. It doesn’t end houselessness or bring about better social conditions or even make the community safe. It just means you don’t have to look at it. Hostile architecture is the ultimate NIMBY mentality of out of sight, out of mind.

Finally, I hope you take a second and think about what it means to hold the value of property above the value of another human being. I’d love to invite you to read, or watch, A Christmas Carol. It’s the season, after all. I’m going to include two passages below I think are rather pertinent.

Here, two gentlemen have come to Mr. Scrooge, before his visit by the spirits, to ask him to make some charitable donation:

“At this festive season of the year, Mr. Scrooge,” said the gentleman, taking up a pen, “it is more than usually desirable that we should make some slight provision for the Poor and destitute, who suffer greatly at the present time. Many thousands are in want of common necessaries; hundreds of thousands are in want of common comforts, sir.”

“Are there no prisons?” asked Scrooge.

“Plenty of prisons,” said the gentleman, laying down the pen again.

“And the Union workhouses?” demanded Scrooge. “Are they still in operation?”

“They are. Still,” returned the gentleman, “I wish I could say they were not.”

“The Treadmill and the Poor Law are in full vigour, then?” said Scrooge.

“Both very busy, sir.”

“Oh! I was afraid, from what you said at first, that something had occurred to stop them in their useful course,” said Scrooge. “I’m very glad to hear it.”

“Under the impression that they scarcely furnish Christian cheer of mind or body to the multitude,” returned the gentleman, “a few of us are endeavouring to raise a fund to buy the Poor some meat and drink, and means of warmth. We choose this time, because it is a time, of all others, when Want is keenly felt, and Abundance rejoices. What shall I put you down for?”

“Nothing!” Scrooge replied.

“You wish to be anonymous?”

“I wish to be left alone,” said Scrooge. “Since you ask me what I wish, gentlemen, that is my answer. I don’t make merry myself at Christmas and I can’t afford to make idle people merry. I help to support the establishments I have mentioned—they cost enough; and those who are badly off must go there.”

“Many can’t go there; and many would rather die.”

“If they would rather die,” said Scrooge, “they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population. Besides—excuse me—I don’t know that.”

“But you might know it,” observed the gentleman.

“It’s not my business,” Scrooge returned. “It’s enough for a man to understand his own business, and not to interfere with other people’s. Mine occupies me constantly. Good afternoon, gentlemen!”

And the second portion that I think speaks well to the problems of hostile architecture, and the isolation and ignorance it reinforces, is when Christmas Present shows Scrooge the meager Christmas of a houseless London family, and Scrooge sees something truly horrifying:

“Forgive me if I am not justified in what I ask,” said Scrooge, looking intently at the Spirit’s robe, “but I see something strange, and not belonging to yourself, protruding from your skirts. Is it a foot or a claw?”

“It might be a claw, for the flesh there is upon it,” was the Spirit’s sorrowful reply. “Look here.”

From the foldings of its robe, it brought two children; wretched, abject, frightful, hideous, miserable. They knelt down at its feet, and clung upon the outside of its garment.

“Oh, Man! look here. Look, look, down here!” exclaimed the Ghost.

They were a boy and girl. Yellow, meagre, ragged, scowling, wolfish; but prostrate, too, in their humility. Where graceful youth should have filled their features out, and touched them with its freshest tints, a stale and shrivelled hand, like that of age, had pinched, and twisted them, and pulled them into shreds. Where angels might have sat enthroned, devils lurked, and glared out menacing. No change, no degradation, no perversion of humanity, in any grade, through all the mysteries of wonderful creation, has monsters half so horrible and dread.

Scrooge started back, appalled. Having them shown to him in this way, he tried to say they were fine children, but the words choked themselves, rather than be parties to a lie of such enormous magnitude.

“Spirit! are they yours?” Scrooge could say no more.

“They are Man’s,” said the Spirit, looking down upon them. “And they cling to me, appealing from their fathers. This boy is Ignorance. This girl is Want. Beware them both, and all of their degree, but most of all beware this boy, for on his brow I see that written which is Doom, unless the writing be erased. Deny it!” cried the Spirit, stretching out its hand towards the city. “Slander those who tell it ye! Admit it for your factious purposes, and make it worse. And bide the end!”

“Have they no refuge or resource?” cried Scrooge.

“Are there no prisons?” said the Spirit, turning on him for the last time with his own words. “Are there no workhouses?”

The bell struck twelve.

#Anonymous

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myhearts-sherlocked · 4 years

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The sign of three was basically a declaration of Sherlock's Love for John

Okay so, the title says it all.

This is my first blog post I'm writing I'm really excited, I hope not to get lost in my train of thought.

Okay so... Let's start easy.

The morning of the wedding Sherlock's up early, mrs. H brings him tea, and she starts talking about the Marriage ( calling it: THE BIG DAY) and how it changes people. Sherlock doesn't understand why this is a Big deal, and starts to avoid talking about it.

When the photographer is taking pictures after the ceremony; Sherlock doesn't budge at first when the photographer said "just the bride and groom, please" which I found really cute and sad at the same time. As at that point Sherlock helped both of them organize a lot of things, so they've been a team in the whole process, and when it was time for the actual thing, he had to step aside.

When Sholto arrives at the reception, John obv greets him, while Sherlock and Mary talk about him, and Sherlock shows obvious signs of jealousy knowing that John "never shuts up about Sholto and not him".

Also, it turns out that apparently he's not "the most unsociable man that John has ever met" anymore, which was one of the many things that made him different from everyone else around them, and now there's suddenly someone else taking that place from him?

*MARY: "neither of us were the first, you know? "

At this point Sherlock is done, and tells Mary to stop smiling, luckily Mary doesn't take it to heart as she 'knows' Sherlock and just shakes it off.

But Sherlock never told John to stop smiling cuz he basically did everything so that John's presumably "Most important day of his life" would go smoothly, and he knows how much John has hurt for the past years (he takes responsibility for it, and is trying to redeem himself by helping him find 'happiness') and probably understands that for John , the wedding day is actually a big deal, he might not understand why, as he tells Mrs. H earlier:

* SHERLOCK: Two people who currently live together are about to attend church, have a party, go on a short holiday and then carry on living together. What's big about that?

One thing I really liked about Sherlock's Best man's speech is that even though he's the Cleverest person in the room , (and he knows it) and the whole mind palace thing ;

He prepares flashcards to remember, just in case something goes wrong and forgets, which would be unlikely, cuz yeah, hes Sherlock Holmes but he's still a human, and he does it so that he doesn't ruin the most important day in his Best Friend's life. Although he doesn't understand why, Sherlock does it anyways, for John. That's why he gets a bit agitated when he sees everyone crying, and wonders if he did something wrong.

Plus, Sherlock doesn't show-off as much during his speech, he made sure that the spotlight for his speech would always fall on John Watson.

Let's quote some of the nice things Sherlock said about John, during his speech:

*SHERLOCK: today you sit between the woman you have made your wife and the man you have saved - in short, the two people who love you most in all this world. And I know I speak for Mary as well when I say we will never let you down, and we have a lifetime ahead to prove that.

* SHERLOCK: I never expected to be anybody's best friend. Certainly not the best friend of the bravest and kindest and wisest human being I have ever had the good fortune of knowing.

* SHERLOCK: The best and bravest man I know and on top of that he actually knows how to do stuff.

[Flashback to John asking Sherlock to be his best man]

*John: I want to be up there with the two people i love and care about most in the world

So, we already know that John's talking about his wife to-be and Sherlock. Now if you'll excuse me let's just go back a bit, when John hasn't met Mary yet. I think the statement would still stand; but with only one subject/individual (In this case Sherlock). Idk where I'm going with this. But basically what I'm saying is that before John met Mary, Sherlock was the only person he loved and cared about the most in the world. Let that sink in.

Now. Let's talk about the flashbacks of the stag night.

Before actually going to the Pubs, Sherlock asks Molly to help him 'calculate' their ideal alcohol intake.

And he says :

* SHERLOCK: Don't want to get ill. That would ruin it - spoil the mood.

Let's remember what John told Sherlock when he was appointed as Best man:

*JOHN: Look, Sherlock, this is the biggest and most important day of my life.

And we see that Sherlock's a bit skeptical about it at first but we've seen that already.

[back to the stag night]

Sherlock really wants it to go well for John, but it doesn't really go as planned and they go home early. NOW, my favorite part of the stag night: The Rizla game.

When Sherlock's trying to guess who he's supposed to be... These are the answers that John has already given him:

He is human; not as tall as people think; nice-ish; clever, important to some people, ppl don't like him and he tends to rub them up the wrong way.

SO! With these informations on hand, Sherlock's first guess is: KING OF ENGLAND, ofc John tells him that they don't have a king, So Sherlock had to guess again. His second guess was 🥁🥁🥁🥁🥁. JAWN. Yep, so I found this interesting somehow, basically what I came up with is : for Sherlock, Jawn has the same qualities a king would have. Think about it. I'll let you work it out by yourself, cuz I'm tired sksk. Just comment below any thoughts about this.

Ok so at this point Hudders interrupts the game, bringing in a client. Nothing in this part particularly interests this blog.

But a few honorable mentions :

> John touching Sherlock's knee

> Sherlock's arm around John while sitting on the couch

> Sherlock's butt up while "clueing for looks"

After this, there's the whole case-solving part. We'll skip it, and go to the last bit.

Sherlock's playing his newly composed waltz for the Watsons and then they talk about Mary being pregnant, everyone's happy, and there's the really long, awkward eye contact between the two men, while the bride is the one supposed to have all the attention, out of the 3 of them... Okay afterwards, the newlyweds dance together, and then Sherlock leaves early. As he sees that everything's going smoothly again, ( Sherlock saw, being the best man, a responsibility) at that point he probably thought that his job was done, and his presence was not needed anymore. That's heartbreaking.

So basically Sherlock also composed a Waltz for them (as I already mentioned earlier), and taught John how to dance along with it. So practically Sherlock did hell of a LOT for the Watsons, and John specifically. Cuz yeah it's the topic of this Blog post. But I enjoyed Sherlock and Mary's friendship during this.

But here's the thing, everything Sherlock has done throughout the whole episode; he did it exclusively for John's happiness. Because that's true love. Now count me as cheesy, but even if you don't ship Johnlock, and only see them as friends, you have to admit that what Sherlock did, showed his love for John. Because even if he knows that after this wedding John wouldn't spend as much time with him as he did in the past. He prefers to see John happy than being Petty about it. ( for me, that's love, as long as the other half is happy, I'm good)

Now let's remember what Sherlock did for the Watson's during this episode:

> greatest best man speech

> compose a Waltz

> teach John how to dance

> organize an intricate stag night with a personal touch

> prevent a murder at his Best friend's wedding

> got in good terms with Archie

> scared off Mary's ex, so he'd stay put.

> Made sure they still had beautiful wedding pics before arresting the photographer

Helps organizing :

> the sitting setting at the reception

> the time Schedule

> the tissues

* = quoted from https://arianedevere.livejournal.com/66078.html

That was all I had for you guys~ ✨I really hope you liked it, I enjoyed writing this, comment your thoughts, I'd appreciate feedback :')

#bbc sherlock #sherlock theory #MHStextpost #Sherlock #Holmes #john watson

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fuyumiworld · 4 years

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The EℓyXiOn : Chapter 0 : The Prophecy

The prophecy :

When the skies and the grounds were one

through legends, through their twelve forces,

nurtured the tree of life.

An eye of red force created the evil, which

coveted the heart of tree of life and the heart

slowly grew dry.

With tend and engrace for heart of tree of life,

the legends hereby divide the tree in half and

hide each side.

Hence, time is over-turned and space turns a skew.

The twelve forces divide into two and create two

suns that look alike into two worlds that seem

alike.

The legends travel apart.

The legends shall now see the same sky but shall

stand on different grounds, shall stand on the

same ground, but shall see different skies.

The day the grounds be kept a single file before

one sky in two worlds that seem alike, the

legends will greet each other.

The day the red force is purified,

and the twelve forces reunite into one perfect

root,

a new world shall open up .

Chapter 1 : Part 1

at the begin there was nothing and everything, I was no one and everyone. But then I became two, me and her, two halves of the same whole. We were the same in every way, but then we became different, in theory we were becoming the perfect complement of the other. I was becoming good and full of light, while my other half was becoming evil and full of darkness. I became The Tree, The Light. She became The Storm, The Darkness. As the space around us filled with galaxies, stars and planets we began to search for a home and we both knew where we belonged, The earth second moon, it was prosperous and full of life but most importantly whoever ruled The EℓyXiOn -we called it- ruled the universe. Until one of us truly ruled the universe there would be both joy and sadness, good times and bad times. I want to make the universe a happy place to live, where nothing ever goes drastically wrong. I give power to the planet,protect it by the unrealistic power of my heart. that is why I fight The Storm to keep the peace. I created my twelve protectors to help me prevent the universe from falling into my sisters hands, Each protector has a power unique to them, they live in perfect harmony with each other. my sister created warriors of her own to fight my protectors,they are called the Eye of the red force.Every one of her warriors is skilled in all forms of combat and has powers intended to help fight or confuse their enemy.

But neverless light can't exist without darkness.

I never thought that vice-versa was possible.

Earth may have once had two moons, but one was destroyed

In a slow-motion collision that left our current lunar orb

lumpier on one side than the other, scientists say .

Source : National Geographic

Chapter 1 : Part 2

Twelve young Guardians live in an abandoned and calm area next to a lake amidst impressive scenery. The Tree of Life presents itself in the middle of the lake, soaring powerfully. It’s been 100 years since the group lives in the lake house, facing their destiny as guardians of the mysterious force.

Of course they had scrutinized their destiny, tried to find answers to their questions so they know why they had been chosen

The tree needed help when the evil force would try to attack anew and the group would try their best to protect the Tree.

There was no light without darkness. They had to exist side by side, balancing the world out.

The group never saw the evil of the red force in its true form, just knowing it through madness, sickness, catastrophes and darkness. The only thing they knew is that the evil needed a trigger to attack the light.

The trigger was a certain Prophecy.

When the light would became vulnerable and weak, when the

darkness came over the earth like a big shadow.

When the sun would lose against the moon.

When the day turned to night.

It happened two times since the group was determined. They fought against it, saved the nature and all living creatures nearby before thered force could spread out their darkness further. It had come from below, sneakily like a predator who was approaching its prey. The group knew that something was living under the earth, under the Tree of Life, but they didn’t dare to attack it. Their task was to defend, not to attack.The tree had told them to be careful and that now was not the right time to face the evil.

So they waited.

It had been over 10 years already and they got used to their new life and surroundings. They grew up together and time passed.

Kids became young adults.

some Friends became lovers

A group became a family.

A group of supernaturals

These powers were beyond humans abilities. Something supernatural. Something great.

Junmyeon was their leader, armed with the power of water.

Fuyumi was the oldest member and female capable of freezing everything.

Althea took care of everyone’s injuries, blessed with the power of healing.

Baekhyun could light up the darkest places, not only with his ability but also with his kind heart.

Bronte was able to control thunder and electricity, being energetic like a lightning.

Chanyeol was the tallest of them, being on fire – literally.

Kris ,The tallest after chanyeol,The only one with a pet,a Dragon-yes you heard me right- and he had the power of flight

Kyungsoo might look angry, but was very rooted to the soil, able to bend the earth.

Kai was the grown up kid with a contagious laugh, teleporting from place to place.

Noa ,Laasya older sister,Is graced with Telekinesis.The ability to bend and move object to her will but also ppl hearts with her cuteness.

Tao ,The quietest one,the most "Normal" one of the guardians and the least to use his power which is Time control

Laasya was their youngest, a bit too spoiled and sassy in the others’ opinions but loved, endued with the power of wind.

It was not easy at the beginning. They had to get used to each other, understanding the others’ thoughts, fears and worries. There were fights, quarrels and tears, but their bond got stronger and stronger with every passing obstacle. The fight against the evil force made them realize that they had to hold together as a group. Their powers were strong, but alone you were helpless against such a strong opponent.

They had responsibilities due to that powers and the Tree of Life armed them with it to defend the good. They had to learn to use it, to control it, to live with it. It wasn’t an easy commission, but they managed to train them as good as they could.

Five rules should remind them what they were and what task they had to fulfill:

1. Never use your power against humans or any EℓyXiOn citizen

2. Never show your powers to anyone except the group.

3. Don’t lie to the group, be honest.

4. Never fight alone. If your partner is disabled, join another team.

5. Be always reachable.

Those proved to be incredibly hard in the present time

A partner.

Everyone had one. A counterpart. since they are twelve, there are six duos.

Junmyeon and Fuyumi

water and ice.

Chanyeol and Kris

Fire and flight

Baekhyun and Althea

light and healing.

Kai and Noa

teleportation and Telekinesis

Kyungsoo and Bronte

Earth and Thunder

Laasya and Tao

Wind and Time control

P.S: Duos dosent mean soulmates

P.S 2: When one of the duos die.His counterpart heir his powers.

Chapter 1 : part 3

With that, the group called Themselves EXO, lived their daily lives, having hobbies, work and duties. Little did they know that the red force was going to strike again real soon, coming out of its hiding with new energy, presenting with darkness that would hide the sun:

The solar eclipse

Big sacrifices should be made.

The war between the red force and EXO was vicious.Blood was spilled and none of both parts wanted to give up. The red force and Elyxion cyitizens wanted to take over the tree and it's heart. To finally control the universe.

The tree was dissapointed of the ignorant,Selfish and greedy citizens it protected.

So it decided to put and end to everything.

The EℓyXiOn crashed into the moon,The earth moon.

Two moons colliding into one

The world is dark and barren, no signs of life as far as the eye can see. Twelve men woke up in a sunless sky, confused and lost. One of them takes the lead and walks towards a tree that is withering. Following him, they form a circle around the tree, and the leader touches his hand on the trunk.

"Legends, you have finally awaken." A solemn voice speaks to them, as they glance around and look at each other. Their world is destroyed, Now where could they run? Was there any place on the planet where they were safe? There had to be...there just had to be.

Earth...of course

"Divide me into half and hide me, so that the Red Force will never succeed." they did as they were told, two men stepping forward as leaders and each holding a half of the tree. Before they could speak to each other, a blinding light makes them civer their eyes. When the light fades, the leaders find themselves wih five others, separated into two worlds.

The legends shall now see the same sky but shall stand on different grounds, shall stand on the same ground, but shall see different skies

They’re twelve—they’ve always been twelve. To not be twelve is unfathomable. Their lives before each other are difficult to remember, difficult to think how they could’ve gotten by without each other. To be without each other—it’s unnatural. And the gaping hole in their group right now—it’s driving them insane.

They had never imagined it could go wrong like this. Never in their wildest dreams did they picture the scene that spread out in front of them—the carnage, the heart ache, the sheer disaster of a trip.

It was a red moon,The sign from Althea to indicate their meeting. They meet once a year. 24 hours to share with each other their news.to crack jokes.to have this sweet lie.to feel that life is back to normal before they seperate again . across the earth and it's parallel version.

But that year,They never expected to loose everything all at once.The red force took them by suprise,attacking them so suddenly they couldn't even comprehend what was happening.

In seconds Tao,Althea and Kris were gone.died in front of the other Guardians eyes.In the middle of it all The half of the tree of life was stolen.The red force dirty hand were on half of the tree of life.God knows what she was going to do with it.

Things couldn't get any worst

Or maybe It could

ATTENTION! This is an important public

service announcement. South Korea has

joined the coalition of nations dedicated to

eliminating the threat of persons with

unnatural abilities. Anyone who has

information is urged to call this number:

9-325-6439. May the world remain forever

safe.

The red force turned the tables on that again.Humans always feared the unknown, and The red force used that weakness for its advantage . And now humans turned against the same people that protected them.

Ripped from their homes and wiped of who they once were EXO are left to fight for their survival but in an ungrateful world, it is no mean feat

"Will we ever be happy, hyung?"

"Given the circumstance, I don't think we ever will."

End of chapter 1

#Exo #MAMA Era #Fanfiction #Fantasy #ExoWritersNet #D.O #Baekhyun #Kai #Tao #Suho #Parallel world

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jacensolodjo · 4 years

Text

Shaving Facial Hair, Especially for Newbies

Just in time for “No Shave November”, tips for new to facial hair ppl as well as those who might consider themselves veterans but want to try new things. Wet shaving only will be discussed.

Perhaps you want a ‘clean slate’ for November? Since that’s essentially what people do. (Also I know this probably will just look like an infomercial for West Coast Shaving halfway thru but they’re who I got most of my stuff from anyways so... Listen they have good deals. Once we get to beard care it’ll swap to being most Monster for Men. I get paid absolutely nothing from either. Nothing and no one especially not me is saying you MUST buy from either. Simply that they’re easy to navigate and aren’t gonna break your bank like some other companies. And also if you’re sensitive to scents and stuff like me you get a wide range of choices when it comes to soaps and oils.)

What you need (Details to follow):

Razor

Blades

Brush

Shave Soap (NO not just regular soap. Keep reading.)

Preshave (Not absolutely necessary but again keep reading.)

Aftershave (Also not TOTALLY necessary but your skin will thank you keep reading.)

Facial Hair Scissors

Get a nice razor that is absolutely not disposable. I use a closed comb safety razor. You can use a straight razor if you’re like... that confident in your skill if you’ve never even done regular wet shave with a disposable much less a safety razor. Which, ‘safety razor’ is kind of a misnomer because it is very not safe when you’re changing the blades but whatever. I suggest for your first one to be a Merkur. Many, many folks stand by it as a good starter, just be careful not to get one with a handle that is too chunky for your first time doing this because it can get unwieldy. You want a thinner one. Like the Merkur 33C or the 78S from West Coast Shaving.

As for any disposable versus metal kinda deals, it really is much more cost effective to buy the handle+head then get the blades changed out at least once a week (some people say every like, 3 days if you’re consistently shaving every day but it’s really up to you and how concerned you might be about dulling. The blades are relatively resistant to it and can also stand being left on the handle for weeks if not months at a time depending on where you store it.) Bulk purchase of 100 blades (which can last months) can be as little as $10. I know not everyone has that option to spend $30+ on a razor handle+head then another few bucks on blades and that’s okay! But this guide is for wet shaving w/o consideration of disposable razors. You will get similar results, of course, but the fact of the matter is while they like to brag about having so many blades it isn’t actually that healthy for your skin. More on that in the ‘actually shaving’ part.

Also, slant is another option for safety razor head but it... it is like a grandmaster wet shaving level of razor. And yet it is also wonderful for those with sensitive skin (or otherwise hard to shave hair like many with curly hair deal with thru the sheer virtue of having curly hair even on the face). I don’t use it but I probably should with how sensitive my skin is but eh... maybe later. Anyway. Here’s a comparison of how they look:

(source: 10 Facts About Open, Closed, & Slant Razor Heads That You MUST Know Before Buy [sic])

Get a nice brush, silvertip badger hair/synthetic hair are usually what you want to get. Be aware that the real badger hair brushes can get a little... stinky for the first few times using it. Though, because of my super senses perhaps I just notice it far more than others might. But I suggest a nice synthetic on your first outing because it’s easier to understand how lathering works with the synthetic and it can be cheaper than the ‘real deal’. Don’t let the wet shaving elitists out there make you break your bank when a cheaper option works just as well. Because real badger IS more expensive no matter the handle to the brush.

Find a shave soap you like. Lots of the big suppliers have samples with generous sizing but they are not always free (a lot of the suppliers are working with smaller businesses anyways so you have to think of that). I’ve mostly gotten mine from West Coast Shaving. But there are tons of other folks out there. You may feel like supporting smaller businesses which is cool! Etsy of course has some great shops. There are also shops like Phoenix Artisan Accoutrements that feel a little more high end and for the more experienced shaver. The main thing you want to remember/realize is that shave soap is indeed quite different from hand soap (or any other soap). The secret is of course, in the lather. It has to be nice and foamy that looks almost like Cool Whip which regular handsoap just doesn’t create. Next to that, shave soap is formulated for your face and the removal of the whiskers on said face. Go on, try to use regular ol’ hand soap and see how much your facial skin and hair hates you after. (Some people like my dad use regular damn soap and then wonder why they get razor burn and ingrown hair and cuts. It’s because you used goddamn hand soap with like no lather to it.) However, it CAN go in reverse. Shave soap can be used as hand soap, just not with the same benefits. What to look for in a shave soap besides what smells good: high fat (aka tallow) content (30-50%) and glycerin are the main ones followed by things like soy, cocoa butter, coconut oil, and shea butter.

As a note, shaving cream is also an option. But not the stuff in the can you spray on. A lot of shaving cream will come in containers similar to what shave soap does. It makes creating a lather much easier, obviously, and so cuts down (haa pun) on how long your shave routine is taking.

Get a shave bowl, preferably a shatter resistant one (especially if you are just starting to learn how to balance it while in the shower or w/e or you’re just prone to dropping stuff). I use this 2-piece shave bowl that can be dropped quite often and still not even crack and it makes lathering a breeze. It is also relatively easy to hold in the shower (or by the sink whichever way you prefer). Some people manage to do the whole lather process with just one bowl and honestly I can’t figure out how. 2 bowls is the absolute minimum for me but maybe you’re a grandmaster shaver.

Some people, especially if they aren’t going the complete bath/shower routine or have especially stubborn hair, will use pre-shave oil/gel. It’s pretty much what you’d expect from the name, you slather some on before you shave. The oil helps keep the shaving experience go smooth as silk and prevents snagging, tearing, stretching, etc., of the skin and follicles. Some people DO use only the pre shave oil, but I don’t recommend it because again, shave soap is specially formulated for shaving and has more benefits than the oil itself.

Aftershave! It gets a bad rap. I’m sure your mental picture of using aftershave is hissing and wincing as the alcohol/witch hazel seeps in (to skin that may be slightly sensitive). Generally witch hazel actually isn’t supposed to sting like alcohol but it can definitely go on cold regardless of how warm the bathroom you have it in is. Aftershave can come in a spray, as well as a gel in addition to the common mental image of putting a few drops in your palm, rubbing briskly then patting onto your face (with y’know... hissing and wincing in pain and making funny faces). Non-Alcohol aftershaves are most commonly called ‘aftershave balm’. Keep reading for why the common image of aftershave application shouldn’t be a common sight in YOUR bathroom mirror.

Okay so we all have our ‘ingredients’ for a great shave, right? Good. Preferably shaving should be done fresh after a bath/shower, when your hair has been softened by the hot water and your skin has been cleaned by the appropriate products (face wash and beard wash/conditioner is my preference but I guess regular soap is fine). As mentioned, not everyone has the time or desire to take a full on shower before getting to shaving. That’s cool! That’s why we have our buddy the pre-shave gel/oil. It IS suggested that you at least wash your face first if only so in case you do make a micro-cut in your skin any kind of ick on your face won’t seep into the wound. Anyways, step pre-1 out of the way. You can also choose to forgo the preshave stuff entirely if you want. It’ll just make your face happier if you give it this little shield.

While you have been showering/bathing you should have been soaking your shave brush. You can put it in a cup if you want but if you got the two-bowl setup mentioned earlier one of the bowls is meant for softening your brush while the other holds the soap. Dump out the water you have been using in that second bowl because that’s where you’re going to lather that soap after you have ‘loaded’ it from the other bowl. Loading is just the act of rubbing the soap briskly with the brush until you start getting the beginnings of a lather going then you swap to the other bowl. You need a good ratio of water to soap, otherwise the lather will be too watery to build on your face which is no bueno. Remember: Cool Whip. It must be creamy, thick, and not drip off the brush when you hold it up. You may need to gently squeeze the brush to get excess water out, you want the brush soft and pliable not damp. If you can flick that sucker and splatter water on the wall (or... mirror I guess?? why are you doing that you look silly aim at the sink/shower drain!) there’s too much damn water in the brush.

Time to slather it on your face! Some people say to do it in circles but honestly I’ve never been able to do that and it’s more often for those who forgo the bowls/scuttles entirely and ‘work on the lather on the face’. Broad, slow strokes back and forth works and feels a lot better (and can be rather soothing). Now’s as good a time as any to say that while media does show the whole shaving entire full beards off, it is a lot better if you trim that sucker down some. Your razor is not a pair of clippers. and this is related to the overall idea of using this kind of razor: less hair, not all of the hair. Don’t try to keep taking pass over pass on the same strip of skin. You’re just going to give yourself razor burn, micro-tears, all sorts of bad stuff. Until you get your technique down you may have to live with there being one little patch not quite as smoothed down.

Go with the grain, not against. Some people say it’s better to go against because of how the hair is not going to naturally lie against the skin, but it can cause irritation to shave against. Follow the line of your jaw on the first pass, then start to go from cheek down to jaw. Be sure to add more soap for each pass. Although, you can do lines from cheek to jaw first, it just depends on you and what feels best. There are no hard and fast rules on this.

As for holding your razor, with safety razors especially you basically want to let it do all the work. Let it slide down under its own weight, as it were. Keep an easy grip on it, preferably like you might hold a pencil. Then just let it glide on down and around. Too much pressure can increase the chance of microtears and cuts, which leads to wincing and hissing in the mirror when you put on your aftershave (especially the alcohol based ones), along with the classic razor burn of irritated skin.

Now, when I mentioned trimming down your beard before actually shaving you can use clippers if you want or it’s easiest for you, but you can also use facial hair scissors. The scissors can be used for ‘pruning’ your facial hair (such as snipping down an especially longer than its neighbors hair), and the clippers can be used for styling it (such as getting a neat rounded look of your facial hair). In general it’s a good idea to ‘prune’ your facial hair while it’s growing in. If only so it’s even easier to manage to later on. This helps to make it less unruly and you don’t look like a cave dweller.

In the end, your routine does not need to be set in stone. Nor do you have to always buy the same products. Feel free to experiment not only with scents but with actual products along with the combinations (shaving soap+pre shave oil or just the soap). But hopefully this gives you a jumping off point for learning how your shaving routine should work.

#Текст #wet shaving #shaving #long post #jacen's recs #shaving tutorial

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toycarousel · 5 years

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some advice? Please dont laugh when I say this. I'm transgender, ftm, but I dont like being called transgender, I just want to be called male. But at the same time,I'm african american, and dont want to be an african american male. The very thought scares me to no end and makes me want to not bother with transitioning. My therapist says that my dysmorphia and dysphoria are too conflicting to do anything with, but I dont want to stay as I am. So I'm at an stalemate. Idk what to do next. Advice?

(Disclaimer: I’m not a therapist or any sort of medical professional, so I can only offer my opinions + advice, but if anything feels off to you at all, then totally feel free to ignore it!)

Of course I’m not gonna laugh, Anon, and I don’t get why anyone would -- you’re in a very, very difficult, painful position, and a LOT of therapists aren’t great at figuring out the tentative balance of understanding who a patient is, what a patient needs, what a patient wants, and which steps they need to take with said patient in order to not harm that person... it can definitely take time. If they’re a good fit for you, they’ll become better at understanding that balance (and also doing their proper research) as they get to know you more, and will offer more helpful options if they’re open-minded about trying a variety of angles instead of just sticking to their little therapy scripts, esp when those scripts don’t always apply neatly to every individual.

I’m not trans (and I’m white), so I could be totally off on a bunch of what I’m about to say (plus everyone’s experiences are different regardless), but I have met a few different people who don’t want to refer to themselves -- or be referred to as -- transgender. Though their birth assignment doesn’t align with who they are, which fits the definition of “trans”, the term itself just... doesn’t work for them, specifically, and I think I can understand that. I was born intersex (a person with mixed physical sex characteristics -- many that I didn’t even find out about until much later in life), but I wouldn’t consider that to be a huge part of me, or a defining way to describe my own relationship with gender. For example, I wouldn’t want to be referred to as “that intersex person”, by other people, unless it was genuinely medically relevant in that moment.

So what I’m personally interpreting from what you’ve written here is that you don’t want the bodily aspect of things to be this constant focus of what your experience in life is, regarding gender. Since cisgender (and also many intersex men, tbh) get to be referred to as just men, then you should be able to have that same thing, if it feels right for you, imo. You being what other people would define as “trans” doesn’t make you less of a man regardless, so, ultimately, it’s fair to just want to be referred to as a man, same as all other men.

Wrt to you not wanting to be an African American male due to the terror you feel associated with that specific combo of identities -- well, that sounds incredibly tough for you to be going through, and to try to reconcile! And it’s something I can’t personally imagine (I wish I could help more, so I’ll just offer what I can, but again, if anything sounds off to you, feel free to disregard what I’m saying!)

I can think of a lot of reasons off the top of my head as to why a person would be terrified to be a black man, but the ones that come to mind for me are things like: having to face an increased risk of police brutality, racism, other stereotypes, other ppl’s expectations as to who you should be -- all those types of wide-reaching social reasons. But I also don’t know if those reasons are your specific reasons for being terrified of being an African American male, you know? Like on a personal level. I can take a guess at more specific, internal reasons you might have, but that would be me kinda doing armchair therapy, so I won’t deep-dive there -- however, it’s always a good idea, and appropriate, for you to do some of that intense self-examination, you know? And I’m sure you and your therapist have done a lot of that already, but if you haven’t yet written down your exact reasons for this particular terror, maybe try that out! It’s one of the skills we learn in DBT (and other forms of therapy that I’ve been through).

I’d write out separate pages for each specific thought. For example, one page listing the reasons/thoughts/emotions as to why you don’t feel comfortable with being labelled as trans (the ways in which it doesn’t apply to you, how you feel when someone does apply it, etc). And another sheet listing the reasons/thoughts/emotions as to why being an African American man would terrify you, VS just being African American in general. Again, your reasons for not wanting to be referred to a certain way are totally valid, Anon! These sorts of sheets/journaling exercises are just to help you feel like you have a more solid grasp on where your own emotions are coming from, and to give you something physical to hold onto when you want to explain it in more detail to yourself and your therapist!

A really, really, really helpful sort of worksheet/mindfulness activity to help us figure out what we’re feeling is this one I also learned in DBT (a form of therapy that is just ridiculously helpful for everyone, imo), and may help with writing out the things I mentioned above. These are called behaviour chain analysis worksheets, and are usually used to prevent a behaviour that you want to stop engaging in, but what they also ultimately do is help ppl unravel thoughts, emotions -- your primary emotion is especially important to know, because that’s something you can then target with your therapist. Here’s some info on how to do one: https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-do-a-chain-analysis-for-problem-behaviors-2797587

And a basic worksheet version (it can rly help to have on-hand, so it can be written down and you can check it out whenever you need to). https://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/behavior_chain_analysis.html

Like, for example, say you do one of these sheets to figure out the primary emotion behind bodily dysmorphia. Say the behaviour was that you snapped at a friend for making a comment about your body, and you want to know why exactly you snapped at them (what about their comment hurt enough to elicit the reaction), and prevent it in the future. The behaviour chain analysis is a space where you can write down what the behaviour was. In this example it’d be; “Behaviour: Snapped At Friend”, and then you write down the initial feelings you had associated with it, and the thoughts that went with those feelings.

Eventually, for example, say that you thought the reason you snapped at them was anger (which is by definition, a secondary emotion -- secondary emotions aren’t less important than primary emotions, but they’re the emotions that happen after primary emotions, sometimes mere seconds after), but when you look at the thoughts you wrote down that you experienced in the moment you snapped at the friend, and dig a little deeper, say it turned out that the primary emotion (the one that happened before the thoughts, and before the secondary emotions) wasn’t anger, but actually shame.

(I’m not saying yours will be shame btw, I just like using shame as an example, because a lot of my own thoughts and feelings and behaviours and inner conflicts are rooted in shame).

So then that gives you something solid to show yourself, but also to bring to your therapist. Instead of the therapist focusing on only the thoughts and feelings that they’re visibly seeing in you in a session, they now know that you’re struggling with underlying shame, or sorrow, or grief, or disgust, or fear, or whatever the primary emotions end up being for you. Then the therapist can more easily help you through tackling the dysmorphia, and any unwanted behaviours and thoughts + emotions associated with it. And being able to tackle one of the things you’re struggling with in the ask you sent me above means that the dysphoria may start to make more sense for you in the same context as the dysmorphia -- and, hopefully, there will eventually be less of a conflict between the two, or at least they’ll be more understandable, even if they’re entirely separate from each other.

Since you’re not yet sure you want to transition due to these very genuine inner conflicts, then, like, I get why your therapist isn’t going ahead with it, but I also don’t want you to have to stagnate with therapy, or be denied the sense of progress, or with generally getting to know yourself either -- I want you to have the opportunity to live a life that feels right for you, but without the various intense fears associated with that! And I know that it’s fully possible, and will likely just take time, and support, and a willingness to unravel some things that... are probably gonna hurt a lot to unravel. So you should definitely make sure you’re ready to unpack those things and are doing it with a professional you trust; and that you have outside support networks as well (friends, family, whoever is close to you that you can talk to).

Remember that there’s absolutely no time limit on when you can and can’t transition, if you choose to in the future! Plus, there are ways of transitioning that aren’t All The Way, you know? Reversible things you can do (which may have been what you were asking for from the start, ahahaha! My apologies for my wordiness in this response :’)

There are obvs options like binding, packing, etc., that you probably already know about (and know more about than me, tbh). But you can also try other things out too -- there are certain types of makeup techniques/contouring for a more masculine look, more natural forms of altering hormones (if you feel safe doing so, and your doctor suggests any safe options -- definitely research this one thoroughly ahead of time).

A legal change of name can also switch up how you feel a whole lot, if you’re ready/able to do so, (and if not, even just asking ppl to refer to you by a name that you choose, or a variety of different names, depending on whether you’re not sure which one fits yet; it’s always okay to change your mind wrt these things).

Changing your wardrobe drastically can also rly alter how other ppl view and treat you, and I know there are resources online, and many on this site (mainly written by ppl who use the term trans for themselves, but that will hopefully be helpful to you as well), that have clothing swap links, and other suggestions as to more transition-related things you can do to move forward, while also not making any decisions that feel too permanent! Here are some of the links/resources along that vein that I could find:

https://transclothesexchange.tumblr.com/ (clothing exchanges)

https://transguys.com/style/trans-clothing-exchanges (clothing exchanges)

https://thebodyisnotanapology.tumblr.com/post/97564996149/transgender-resources (resources in general, including general body positivity, which could be incredibly helpful during especially dysmorphic and/or dysphoric times!)

https://advicefromabro.tumblr.com/gi (I think this is an older post, but it mentions an app that will allow you to find a gender-neutral or safe bathroom, if that’s currently a concern for you!)

https://transstudiesarchive.tumblr.com/post/168139537672/transgender-resources-masterpost (looks like this one has some resources for African American people as well, among a variety of races)

https://nonbinary-support.tumblr.com/resources (this one has some links regarding name changes and tips for choosing a name, if that’s something that you’re interested in!)

https://transgenderteensurvivalguide.tumblr.com/post/147789231360/makeup-tips-for-ftm-people (some makeup and skincare tips for men!)

(I hope some of these are helpful for you, Anon! I’m sorry that they use language that doesn’t apply to you, it’s just what came up when I researched these tips -- but I think these are resources that could be helpful for anyone in a similar boat, not strictly trans ppl!)

In any case, whatever you do and don’t do, you can always choose who you are and how you represent yourself. There are some physical aspects to a body that cannot be changed, or can only be changed with medical intervention, and some aspects of appearance that will always be there (skin colour, etc), but these things don’t define who you are. I dunno how helpful this will be, but I wanted to also leave you with this; you may have certain body parts, but they aren’t your gender, or the sum of you. People might assign labels like “trans” to you, but that doesn’t make them right, or you wrong. You’re African American, but that’s not the sum of you either. Your race, your gender, these are important aspects of our lives in the sense that they inform our experiences in a lot of ways, but they aren’t Who You Are. “African American male” may be something a doctor writes on a sheet for you someday, or maybe not, but regardless, it says nothing about you as a person:

It doesn’t tell anyone what you love, what you dislike, what makes you happy, your hobbies and interests, what you’re good at, what you want to become good at, your dreams, your goals, your personal achievements, those little things in life that make you smile sometimes, your complexities, your favourite colour, a place you’d love to go, a place you already like to go when you want to be alone, or somewhere or something you want to share with a loved one someday, a movie scene that made you cry, whether or not you’re an animal person/want pets (or already have them), your lifelong habits, embarrassing things you did when you were younger, how deeply and wonderfully you affect the people in your life, stories you may have created, your sense of beauty and style, a song or a poem that speaks to you, your sense of humour... all these things are yours. No matter where you are in life right now, and no matter where you want to be in the future! No one has the right to define you but you -- and no one can take that from you.

Happy New Year, Anon! And best of wishes~!!! : D

#advice asks #race #gender #dysmorphia #dysphoria #therapy talk tw #dbt resources #gender resources #ask to tag #Anonymous

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inkskinned · 6 years

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literally just a dumb unorganized list of school tips

source: im a grad student. i’ve had a lot of school. also i’m adhd & mentally ill and require +8 organization. this is mostly directed @ college students, but maybe high school students can use it too, fuck, idk, it’s been forever since i was stuck in that hell hole

just say “professor” either ur using the correct title for a person (will make them feel good) or you’re giving them a bigger title on the assumption they deserve it (which will make them feel good) and also prevents having to ever i mean ever use their names

talk at least 1 time a week in each class, aim for 1 time a day. even lecture classes. i fucking hate talking in front of more than 5 people, so what i would do is prepare a question about the hw/etc (even if i didn’t need it answered) to ask the professor after class so they saw me and got used to me and saw i was invested in their class. about 89% of teachers - if they see you try, they will pass you. i mean it’s literally that easy. i know people who went from like a c- but because they legit tried, their grade got bumped up to a b-.

if u have to bring a laptop, pre-download the required material/screenshot it, and then turn off your wifi. it’s too easy to not listen.

physical writing will always give you more information recall over typing.

nobody cares about stupid shit anymore trust me they don’t remember that you were accidentally locked in a towel out of your room bc they have their own dumb shit that happened.... in college all the “cringe culture” turns into “god i wish that were me” culture ... wear ur onesie to a party trust me you make +800 friends and 799 of them will be girls telling you you’re adorable and they’d die for you

about locking urself out.... if ur like me and can breeze past post-it notes placed in obvious areas, don’t be a dumb bitch and rely on post-it-notes. while most schools offer 1 free lockout, dont rely on it - it once took 2 hours before someone could get to me. i was in a towel, which meant no phone. so like. anyway, what i do now is i put something on the handle of the door i have to open/unlock. i can’t just open the door w/out the thing falling down and making a loud “you dumb bitch unlock the door before u shower” sound.

this works for all important don’t-forget it things. other obstacles i’ve used to remind myself to do something include: putting a chair with my wholeass posterboard in front of the door, an entire printer with a single piece of paper that just read “for the love of god check to be sure you have that essay”, and a recycling bin i kept forgetting to empty. guess what bitch finally emptied the bin once it was between me and a swift exit!

no offense and like the whole “it’s the best years of your life!” thing is great but in reality everything goes better scholastically when you treat it as “i came here to win, not to make friends.” i still did make friends, went to parties every weekend, was popular enough i’d be invited to several on one night - but i came there to win. when i put my scholastic life and my mental health first, i went from a 2.0 to a 3.98. yes you can, bitch.

you’re spending the money. don’t squander it. trust me when i say i know plenty of people who breeze through, bc you often can. but like. don’t. challenge yourself bc like. talk about an investment.

if you hate your major, change it. don’t make your life something you can’t stand. on that note, do NOT agree 100% to a track until you have at least some experience in the field. i cannot tell u how many ppl i know who got their whole masters/phd program done, walked into their new profession, and were like, Oh Fuck, I Can’t Live Like This.

college literally offers so many free things and if you’re not taking advantage of them whenever possible i get it but like. try to take advantage of them. this is everything from your gym (which probably has free classes dude) to clubs to like. sober events. these sober events are so ... fuckin good dude i’ve made mason jars with little plants in em... bee aviaries... candles.... go to the free stuff

oh ps on free stuff i wanna say about 4 of 5 days there’s free food on campus just look for things like job fairs, presentations, or discussion groups. also while you’re there at the job fair like. u know, go to the job fair in earnest

i took off 2 years to work and also to just. recover from my bullshit. and it took me 6 years and 3 schools to get my bachelor’s. it wasn’t easy but bitch i lived. there’s no such thing as “too long” to graduate if that’s truly what you want to do.

if on the meal plan, eat as clean as you can the first week. then introduce each part of the cafeteria’s possibly-food-poisoning-creating foods one at a time. give @ least 2 days between each experiment so you know for sure if you get sick what caused it. i literally never eat meat at school but you can still get sick off of unwashed lettuce/salad dressing that hasn’t been refrigerated properly/weirdass things you won’t even think of. this prevents like. dying in a public bathroom.

white loaf bread can be gross & boring. discount bakery section for your slightly chewy artisianal bread needs. if overstale, either toast it or dunk it into water and microwave it (unless u got an oven. use the oven if u can)

steal as many apples from the dining hall/events/etc as physically possible just do it they keep FOREVER and @ some point you’ll be like. fUCK i need a nutrition. ps if you’re keeping them in ur backpack (i wouldn’t keep more than 2) make sure to wrap w/a few paper towels so if you drop your bag you don’t get apple mush

write it all down bitch. “i’ll remember it” no you won’t. unless you are capable of remembering every idea on this list and in order, you won’t remember it. in general, if you write something 3 times, you will recall it correctly at least 80% of the time. i also read it out loud to myself, bc, you know, auditory recall

DO NOT just put your assignment at the top of your notes, unless you’re 100% sure that will work for you. in most cases, it’s much better to have a planner/agenda/place you expect to look for assignments. +7 points if you lie to yourself about deadlines and move them all up.

like not to sound too much like a DARE ad but like. if you don’t like it/don’t want it, don’t fuckin do it. the idea that “there’s nothing to do if you don’t party” is such bullshit. like i promise if you’re like “i am a grouch and want to stay in and binge netflix” about 45 ppl will show up in pjs like “bitch fullscreen it, im a grouch too.” there’s also like. the chance to just.... not overindulge. on wednesdays i have “wine wednesdays” where we sit around and drink a glass of wine while we do our hw. it’s chill and friendly instead of like. drink until u vomit. don’t feel like you either gotta slam the breaks or the gas pedal, is what i mean.

PLEASE know the signs of alcohol poisoning/overdose. most schools have a “Safety Always Matters Most” policy, which means that you can call for help w/out getting into trouble. if you think someone is in danger, act. this also goes for making sure ppl get home safe even if they’re just incapacitated, not poisoned. step in, dudes.

also just. notice when ur starting to rely on stuff too much. i’m super easily addicted to things, so i keep a healthy distance from liquor. i don’t let myself “drink to feel better” bc that’s a scary, scary thing to link to feeling better. if you or somebody u know starts drinking all the time/gets anxious if they don’t drink/drinks in the daytime .... get help. schools have counselling services for a reason.

you’re gonna get a cold/flu of some sort in the first 2 months just brace for it. in the meantime, drink vitamin c, try not to touch too many handles, and when people say “there’s something going around” believe them.

watch kaplan nike just do it

if you can teach it, you know the material. a super good way of knowing if you studied the right way is to try and teach the material to a stuffed animal/imaginary class.

“i don’t know how to study” bitch me too the fuck. this is usually bc we’ve been taught that studying is just sitting down and staring @ ur notes. it’s not. it’s different for everyone, and you need to understand it’s 99% preventative care. if you don’t go to the class or do the homework, studying is going to fucking suck, bc you’re learning the material all at once for the first time. the place you should consider “studying” is “i’m confident in 70-90% of the material, but need to review.” do not let yourself fall behind .... just go to office hours and ask questions if ur not getting something. studying should feel like you’re remembering what you already knew but kinda forgot, not like you’ve been blindsided.

the whole “writing it down in ur own words” while u have been told this 700 times it really helps bc it means u gotta translate it through your own understanding. if you can’t, and it’s not bc the material seems too obvious to you to state in another way - ask yourself if you don’t understand the material. chances are u are missing a bit of info.

i know it’s like A Thing that Some People do but i never had the mental health points for it but i know some people just take 15 minutes after every class to review their notes. since i’m 100% early to every class ever, obnoxiously so, i try to do it before class. having the last class’s notes up in my head super helps. like. put down the phone i know you’re socially anxious me too but review those notes. chances are if u start flipping through pages other ppl will too. this is also fun bc as soon as you start this whole thing, at least one person will be like “is there a test?” no bitch there’s no test but im gonna be ready when there is!

literally so much of success is fucking posturing i could link about 800 peer-edited studies that show that when a student is expected to do well (and knows they are), they do well. like i literally didn’t change my appearance at all, never bothered to look nice (once winter hits i wear 67 layers all the time), but when i showed up after my 2 years off from school, i presented myself with the whole “i came here to win” vibe and people... really respected me? i mean in hs i remember ppl saying shit like “yeah, well, you aren’t gonna have the homework”. by the time i was in college i had an honest-to-god conversation which included someone being like “so tell me what you’re overachieving at right now” like they just expected it from me. wild.

i live by “bite off more than you can chew, and then CHEW IT” but it’s probably unhealthy. the truth is that i have a lot of energy all the time (lmao adhd!!!) and i used to get told i was “trying too hard” and for a long time (still???) i didn’t (i don’t?) know what that was, you know, bc i had a D average, clearly i wasn’t trying. it turns out i was just. putting all my energy into stuff that wasn’t making me happy like toxic friendships etc. when i decided “nope, all this energy is for me and my schoolwork”..... uhhhhh suddenly i was a golden child and everyone praised my try-hardness ... it’s a fuckt up system tbh

take at least 1 class just for fun. i try to do that every semester. it helps break up all the requirements. if you’re like an engineer and got no time or credits left to spend, try to audit your fun course.

make ur advisor love you i don’t care what it takes make them cupcakes show up to thank them i dONT CARE just do it

the library isn’t always the best place. if i start getting anxious bc i pavlovian train myself that library=work, i find a new place to go to do hw. try to go outside if you can!!! not like where i live bc like it’s snow all the time but try. a little green really really really helps depression.

if you’ve been in the same “Studying” place for 1 hour and haven’t done anything the chances are Something Isn’t Right. first, look @ ur body. are you not focusing bc of some pressing physical need? sometimes just taking a shower and coming back helps. are you uncomfy? are you too comfy and going to sleep? if body okay, look @ the material. do you not understand it? do you just need to switch to a new topic for a little bit? can you find a youtube video that will help you better understand it? make notes on what you don’t get so you can ask in the next class. if it’s not the material, it’s not ur bod, check the Actual Space. sometimes just getting up, going for a short walk to a new place, and trying it there actually? really works? if none of this is working.... try ur brain next. hardest to reset bc like, what, turn it on and off again? i use things like caffeine, a short workout, a nap, or a podcast all to just... give me a little boost.

don’t be afraid to leave. i mean this about class, friend groups, and the college ur at. just get up on outta there if ur not feelin it. i cannot recommend “drop the class” enough. even if it’s a required course see if u can switch the times if u hate the professor day 3 it’s not gonna get better just get the fuCK out

don’t nap in the same position u go to sleep in, nap upside down w/ur head away from ur pillow. don’t ask me why but it works to 1. fall asleep faster 2. make sure u sleep okay at night and 3. wake up less annoyed

on that note don’t ever do anything in ur bed in a sleeping position unless it’s genuinely sleeping in it. body will get confused. just sit up, lazybones.

when/if the library has those therapy dogs during finals week.... just go pet them make the time for it

ask before hugging people, but don’t expect a “yes”

get a backpack that fits and doesn’t hurt ur back u fuckin hippie idc how cool it is to wear ur backpack super low just don’t do it it’s not worth it

the tutoring center is a fucking goldmine.... free essay edits my dudes

bring a fan dorms are always hotter than u expect

switch dorms if u can if u realize ur in the wrong room/wrong roomate like just don’t bother with nonsense

when in doubt, follow preschool rules. tell ppl when they did something cool, just ask when u need help, and be confident even in your mistakes, because at least u tried

#anyway

6K notes · View notes

forever-more-never-again · 6 years

Text

Make Me Feel Something (A Natasha Request)

Requested: Anonymous

Pairing: Platonic!Bruce X Reader, Platonic!Avengers X Reader, Natasha X Reader

Word Count: 3254

Warnings: Death mentioned, depression mentioned, swearing, pain

Request: Hey! Great writing! Can you do a platonic Avengers x reader (eventually), Nat x reader (eventually), platonic Bruce x reader: R can instill varying degrees of pain with a thought (physical, mental, emotional etc) but only Bruce knows about their ability. Like Bruce, R believes that isolation/being closed off is the best way to avoid harming ppl. Maybe R’s power manifested in form of self defense when R was being hurt yrs ago but they felt like a monster afterward. Team just wants to understand.

Masterlist

You were sure there was a better way to live. But for now, this was the way you chose to survive. To prevent yourself from causing unnecessary pain and fear.

“[Y/n], where are you?” The familiar sound of your best friend’s voice made your lips quirk up in a small smile.

“Here Bruce!” You yelled out from your corner in the dark room.

Bruce Banner, otherwise known by his split personality, as Hulk. He was the only one who truly understood your need to live isolated.

Being able to inflict pain without even a thought was terrifying enough for you. The public didn’t need to know about it as well. If they did, there would no doubt be a mob of angry civilians calling for your permanent imprisonment of death.

After all, being a torture telepath was nothing to be in awe of. You could induce varying degrees of pain, whether it be physical, like making a person's leg snap in half, or mental, making a person become temporarily insane, it was not pleasant.

Bruce turned on the light switch of your cell and you had to squint as the artificial light hit your eyes for the first time in a few hours.

“How long have you been in the dark, [Y/n]?” Bruce’s voice slid into his therapy voice without thinking and you rolled your eyes as you walked up and bumped shoulders with him.

“No therapy today Doc. Come on, what’s up?”

You jumped up onto the counter that was pushed up against a brick wall of your cell and swung your legs back and forth.

Yes, you lived in a cell. You preferred it. You had met Bruce when he had first had the accident with the Gamma Rays and had helped him with coming to grips of his new reality with the Hulk in his head.

But then it was his turn to help you when your mutation reared its head after a car accident killed your entire family and left you with extraordinary abilities able to inflict pain and fear in other people.

He tried for the longest time to get you to join his group of the Avengers. But you never wanted to be in the limelight before your mutation, you had actually wanted to just be a housewife, and then with your mutation you definitely didn't want people to fear you.

But you had convinced him to move you to the Avenger tower. Now you lived underground, with none the wiser of who you were. In a cell designed by Bruce that limits your telepathic abilities.

“Well, the team is getting really antsy. They want to know why I keep disappearing. You might have to come out of hiding soon [Y/n].”

You growled low in your throat, Bruce for a moment showing fear reflected in his Hazel eyes, and you stopped immediately, face flushing in anger as you turned your face away so you didn't have to see it.

“YOu know why Bruce. You know why I can’t ever leave this place. It’s either stay in this cell or be dead. I can’t let anyone control me. What I can do….It’s not natural and its dangerous if in the wrong hands.”

Bruce sighed, running a hand down his face. You turned to look back at him, and instead of fear now, there was empathy in his eyes.

“[Y/n]...you were the one who once told me that I can’t run from who I am all my life and that I would have to learn to grow and accept the new part of me that I had become. Don't you think it's time for you to follow your own advice?”

You sulked, glaring at Bruce as he flung your words back in you face. “But Bruce..”

He interrupted you, raising a hand to cut you off, “No! No more excuses [Y/n]. You haven't hurt anyone in years. And you won't learn to control your powers unless you use them and train. So you will leave this cell tomorrow or so help me I will let the Hulk out to drag you out.”

You chuckled, trying to smother your smile with your hand to no avail. You knew it was an empty threat, Bruce would never purposely let the Hulk out. But it did make you realize that he really did care and that you needed to socialize and learn to become part of society again.

“Alright Bruce. Tomorrow I will introduce myself to your little ragtag family of supers.”

Bruce smiled as he opened the cell and let himself out, “That’s all I ask for.”

You jumped off the counter and sauntered over to your small dresser. Pulling out various outfits, You stood undecided on what would be appropriate for your first social interaction with someone other than the Nerdy Bruce Banner.

Finally, you sighed and settled on a pair of jeans and a blank black t shirt.

You stood in front of your mirror and what stared back at you was a stranger.

Your [h/c] hair was dulled and your [e/c] eyes had a haunted look in them so deep that you had to look away.

“I miss you so much.” When you had turned your face away you had inadvertently faced the wall that was shrine to the family you had lost in the accident.

Pictures filled the wall. Of family camping trips, birthdays, and just lazy days around the old house.

Tears filled your eyes as you walked up and traced a finger over the faces of people you had lost years ago.

“I miss you so much Mom...Dad...Sis.” The tears broke through the dam and fell in silent waterfalls down your cheeks as you collapsed onto your knees, face pushed against the pictures as your body shook with the force of your pain.

It was hours later when you stood back up and wiped your face.

Taking a deep breath you fell backwards onto your cot and stared up at the ceiling, counting down the time until Bruce returned.

When he did, you were ready and extremely nervous.

Your first step out of the cell in over three years. Taking a deep, fortifying breath, you went for it and stepped through the door.

“I’m proud of you [Y/n]. First step down.” Bruce smiled, wrapping a comforting arm around your waist as you began to breath frantically, rubbing your arms as you attempted to calm your thoughts and control yourself so that you didn't accidently lash out.

Bruce led the way up to the main floor lobby. Ignoring the questioning looks you got from civilians and secretaries milling around, you let Bruce guide you into an elevator.

“FRIDAY, please take us to the common room and call the group together.”

An automated females voice rang through the small box, “Of course Dr. Banner.”

You jumped at the voice, “Who's there!?” Bruce frowned, tugging you closer to him, “It’s just an AI. Tony created FRIDAY and she is hooked up to the tower. Don’t worry, she wont hurt you.”

You let out a sigh, “I’m not worried about anyone hurting me. You know that Bruce. Its the other way around.”

Bruce sighed, “I know, sweetie. But it will be okay. You need to live your life. And Staying in that cell is not good for you.”

You felt angry hot tears push against your eyes, but you closed them and pushed the emotion away, “Bruce...it would have been better to die with my family.”

Bruce looked away, knowing he wasn't going to win the argument. The same argument you and him had been having ever since you woke up in the hospital and upon learning that your entire family had been killed on impact, proceeded to cause such a huge telepathic wave of emotional pain that nearly half of the hospital staff was institutionalized from intense episodes of depression and insanity.

The elevator ride went on in silence before dinging and opening the doors to a lavish room.

You walked out in trepidation as you surveyed the gold and blue decor. Floor to ceiling windows covered an entire room and in the middle of the giant room was a couch and beanbags.

Sitting on those beanbags, was Earth’s mightiest heroes.

“Hey Bruce! Who you got there?” You recognized the voice of the millionaire playboy, Tony Stark.

He strutted over with a glass of champagne in his hands even though it was barely noon and swung an arm over Bruce’s shoulder that wasn’t hooked around your waist.

Bruce let go of you to rub the back of his neck as he flushed a slight pink at Tony’s display of affection.

“Guys, I want you to meet my friend, [Y/n].”

You scanned the room. Trying to put the names that Bruce often spoke of, the faces.

Bruce walked up and pointed as he spoke, “That’s Steve Rogers, Clint Barton, Bucky Barnes, Rhodey, Sam Wilson, and where’s Wanda and Vision and Natasha?” He asked Tony.

Tony hiccuped, “Wanda and Vision are on a recon mission and Natasha said she was going to train for a few mins.”

Bruce sighed, but gestured for you to go forth and talk to people.

Despite your fear, you tried to put on a brave face and walked over to Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes first.

“Hello...I’m [Y/n].” You waved self consciously at the two beefed up super soldiers.

Steve smiled, his blue eyes bright with warmth. “I’m Steve. Bruce spoke often of you, but I thought we would never get to meet you. It’s been years of listening to him ramble about you.”

Bucky smirked, his brown eyes flickering past you to Bruce and Tony and back to you, “Are you two ‘Just’ friends then?” He said suggestively.

At that you let out a loud laugh, “Oh hell no!” You said between gasps of laughter., “Just friends.” You affirmed, looking Bucky in the eyes intensely. “I swing for the other team.” You said, with a wink.

Poor Steve stood there with a confused look as Bucky coughed out with a laugh. “Like, the Bronx team?” He said.

That was all it took to push Bucky over the edge as he struggled for breath, falling onto the floor as the laughter caused tears to spring to his eyes.

You walked away with a smile, leaving Bucky to explain to Steve why he was laughing so hard.

You stood off the edge, watching everyone mingle, when you saw her.

She was gorgeous as she walked into the room. In a black sports bra and shorts, sweat glistening off her face and abs. Her red hair sashaying down her back as she walked past the living room and into the kitchen.

“Close your mouth you thirsty hoe.”

You turned and glared at the blond next to you who spoke, “Clint. I’m sure.” You growled.

The man smiled, his head tilting like a lab dog’s as he stuck out a hand for a shake, “Pleasure to meet you [Y/n]. I saw you thisting after Natasha there.” You turned to look through the doorway she had exited as your heart race increased, “That was Natasha?” You asked, voice slipping low as your libido took control.

Clint smirked, “Yup. You should go introduce yourself.” He shoved you in the direction of the kitchen.

Although you glared at him, you walked into the kitchen and found Natasha rifling through the fridge.

“Umm… Hi.” You mentally face palmed yourself at your articulate introduction.

Natasha spun with a water bottle in her hand, flashing a megawatt smile in your direction, “Hello. You must be [Y/n].” She unscrewed the top and you watched in awe as she took gulps from the bottle. Watching her throat work as some of the water dribbled from the corner of her mouth and slide down between the valley between her chest.

Suddenly your mouth was extremely dry and you struggled to swallow and speak as she put the bottle down and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

“Uhh.. yes,” You coughed, “That’s uhh, me. I’m friends with Bruce. But not that kind of friend!” YOu panicked as you thought of what Bucky thought being friends meant.

Natasha laughed and you swore angels were singing from the heaven as the sound trilled through the air.

“I never thought you were. Bruce is obviously over his head with Tony.”

You thought back and had to chuckle, it was obvious now that you thought about it. The amount of times Bruce trailed off mid sentence when talking about Tony, staring into space with a dreamy look in his eyes.

“So [Y/n], how did you meet Bruce? Why now are you agreeing to come to the tower?” Natasha asked, reaching up into a cupboard for an apple.

You shrugged, leaning against a counter, arms crossing, “He convinced me to come out of the cage I locked myself into.”

Natasha cocked her head, but smiled and you knew she thought you were speaking metaphorically.

Suddenly there was a scream from the main room. Natasha and you shared a look of panic as you both raced out of the kitchen.

Entering the room you were shocked to see the Hulk standing in the center of the room. He roared and the windows rattled as his fists slammed onto the ground, “Hulk Smash! Puny Human!” He screamed at Tony.

Tony was sprawled on the ground, his eyes wide as he looked up at the green man.

“Tony! What happened!?” Natasha shouted.

When Tony didn't answer, she turned to Steve.

“Bruce asked Tony out and Tony thought he was joking. Said that the day he went out with a man was the day he died!”

You groaned, putting your head in your hands.

“Tony! You absolute buffoon!” Natasha yelled.

Tony craned to look at her, “I was joking! But Hulk got pissed at me!” He turned back to Hulk who smashed a couch into bits as he huffed and snorted angrily at Tony, “Buddy, let me and Bruce talk this out, okay?” He tried to plead, raising his hands placating from his back sprawled position on the ground.

Hulk screeched and smashed his fists on either side of Bruce in anger.

“Hulk! Stop it right this instant!” You ran up and placed yourself protectively over Tony, arms crossed as you stared Hulk down.

“[Y/n][! What are you doing!?” Steve yelled out from across the room.

You didnt turn away from your glare stare down with Hulk as you responded, “I’m doing what needs to be done.”

Then you spoke to Hulk, “Don’t make me hurt you buddy. I need Bruce back before you destroy this place. Okay?”

Hulk huffed at you, “Puny human hurt puny Bruce! Hulk wants to smash him!” He roared, bringing his fists back to the ground. The tower shook with the force and Steve yelled as he and Bucky ran to grab their weapons.

Natasha inched closer, [y/n]...what are you doing?” She whispered.

You sighed, shaking your head, “I’m a mutant. I didn’t want to have to do this...but..I’m sorry. I can't control it well enough to turn it to a single person, so you will feel this too.”

“Feel wha..?” Her question trailed off and turned into an agonized scream as she fell to the ground, shaking.

Hulk struggled to stay standing, but eventually, the amount of emotional pain you were inflicting on him, caused him to stumble and collapse, slowly the green fading away to show a shaking Bruce Banner.

Abruptly you stopped the flow of pain and dropped to you knees, sobs shaking your body as you babbled, over and over again, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry!!!”

You were unaware of your surroundings as the sound of your sobs and words flowed over and engulfed you.

Eventually you were pulled out by the sensation of warm arms encircling you and a head resting on your shoulder.

Sobs slipping into hiccups, you opened your eyes enough to see red hair cascading in your line of sight.

“Nat?” You asked, your voice hoarse. “I’m so sorry!” You cried, standing up and stepping away from her, wrapping your arms around yourself, averting your gaze from her.

Belatedly, you realized that everyone else was gone from the room.

“Hey, [y/n], there’s nothing to apologize for. Bruce is thankful you stopped him before he could hurt tony. And they are talking thongs out calmly.” Natasha spoke, slowly inching closer to you, as you took just as slow of steps backwards away from her.

“How can you stand to be in the same vicinity as me!? All I do is bring pain!” You cried out, turning to run back to your cell, where you felt safe.

Before you could, you were tackled to the ground from behind.

You stared up, in shock, as Natasha straddled your waist, sitting on top of you.

She glared down at you, “You have nothing to be sorry for! I will stay beside you because you are stronger than you know, [Y/n].”

You were still in shock, and couldn’t speak. As she went on, “Everyone left after Bruce calmed down, he was going to take you back to your little ‘cell.”

You opened your mouth to speak, but she placed her hand over your mouth, “Yes, he told us about how you have been living right under our noses for years now. And all about your family and your abilities. So...no one blames you for what happened.”

You shook your head from under Natasha’s hands, your eyes filling with tears.

She let her hand up off your lips and you immediately started spilling words, “I’m so sorry. I should have died with my family. The abilities I have only bring pain. I could break every bone in your body if I wanted to with a single thought..”

Your words were cut off by Natasha’s mouth crashing onto yours.

Your eyes widened before closing as your lips worked against hers, the scent of vanilla enveloping you and bringing you peace.

You forgot about everything except for the weight of Natasha on top of you and the silk of her lips as they delved into your passion.

When she finally broke apart for air, she gazed deep into yours eyes, “You are so strong and amazing [Y/n]. No more hiding. Because I want to explore this connection we have more.”

You smiled up at her hesitantly, a hand coming off the floor to lan at her hip, “Only if you kiss me like that again.” You teased.

Natasha threw back her head with a laugh before descending on your lips once again.

You broke it apart this time, looking up at the woman on top of you, “You make me feel something more...more than pain and fear and anger and sadness.”

Her fingers swept the stray tear off your cheek before kissing the spot, “You will learn to control your abilities [Y/n]. I promise.”

You sat up, keeping Natasha on your lap, eliciting a squeal of surprise from her.

“Now, I think we need to find everyone else, before they suspect something hanky panky going on in here.” You laughed.

Natasha gave you a sly smirk, “Would that be so bad?”

You laughed, feeling freer than you had in a long time, “I guess not.”

FOREVER Taglist:

@sxph-t @littlestfangirl @rainydaysrnevergrey @not-jk-rowling @sociallyawkwardcircus-freak-hi @ayyidkeither @mcuimxgine @mythixmagic

Natasha Taglist:

@ludwigvonbaethoven @hanjiscience-slut @kitten-q-p @morbid-gaymer @honeybadgerwhodoesntcare @sunnyandtwisty @zoeyknight @kurlyafro @thewomanofwonder @5aftermidnight

Avengers Taglist:

@jadepc

445 notes · View notes

kendrixtermina · 6 years

Text

Thoughts and Feelings about“Change Your Mind”

I really wish I could rewatch this motherfucker somewhere but I have to sleep and go to work

Well on the one hand the main story lines are pretty much done for, on the other, the fallout alone could fill another season, and I’m actually glad that they’re not relegating that to the epilogue but actually going to show it

I assume season 5 will be Steven working with the Diamonds to improve homeworld, explaining things to Jasper, integrating the former corrupted gems on earth, finding out the deal with pink pearl, further developing Steven’s new fusions etc.

Other open questions involve gem origins and peridot’s renewable energy project, but I suppose that will come up as Steven tries to make the Empire less... imperialistic.

I understand why they wanted to air this in one piece, you couldn’t leave the younger viewers hanging with some of these creepytastic scenes and no resolution

There’s various concepts I feel reminded of.

There’s this idea of “tzimtsum” in kaballalistic thought, about how God created the world - In order to create a being apart from himself, he “hid” some aspects of the being, the ones that would seem - So every part of creation reflects one aspect of god, but none shows the complete pictures of it, and because everything has some aspects of god but not others, it is unique - so all humans are made in gods image, but still be different from each other.

Maybe Pink Diamond would be something like Lucifer in this analogy, part of the creation but as far from the god as you can get while still existing, and somehow their antithesis (stretching the analogy here, of course Judaism has no counterpart to Lucifer let alone the positive-ish early modernity interpretions of him - but of course, White Diamond isn’t exactly a benevolent God either. )

First of course Star Trek, like the ep where Captain Kirk is split into what at first seems like his good and evil half but is more like his animal instincts and higher reasoning, or in Voyager, when B’Elana Torres is split into her human and Klingon halves.

I guess Garnet wasn’t completely wrong in his being something in-between fusion and human reproduction, his gem half could be considered A Pink Diamond, but not the same one who created him - He must be fricking powerful to shrug off WD’s beams like that, like how Stevonnie still has “boosted” versions of Steven’s abilities despite Connie being human, Steven’s probably like Pink Diamond, but ‘boosted’.

Steven’s victory certainly showcases how it comes from both sides of his heritage. It involves making WD laugh/embarassed like what Pink used to do, but unlike her, he has the communication skills from Greg - I don’t think Pink ever talked to Blue in that way, she didn’t seem aware of what the other Diamonds were thinking at all, any more than she really understood Pearl’s lingering knot of complexes. It’s just not a skill she could have picked up before Greg - when? From whom?

His responsibility is all uniquely him and due to his upbringing with the CG’s and wanting to help him more, tho, both his parents where free spirit hippy bohemians, but it was Steven who decided “Nope, I WANT to fix it, because I can”, not because he owes it to anybody, even when no one could fault him for running.

Also, Frankenstein (the Novel not the film) - The original Victor was a sympathetic, even admirable character, but somehow he just couldn’t bring himself to have empathy with the monster, though Adam was in many ways alike to him and initially didn’t wish to be his enemy. Because while the gems relate to White Diamond as their goddess and the other Diamonds see her as their mother, she seems to regard them as extensions of herself. Maybe she would, as their creator. Gods are expected to smile benevolently upon their followers and solve their problems, Mothers, while they are flawed humans, are supposed to love their kids as they are and realize that they become their own persons, but artists frequently tear up their own work if they’re dissatisfied with it, because it’s supposed to be a reflection of their existence, so they might hate it for not reflecting them well enough -

i often regret tearing up half my teenage fanfics, but I’m able to view them different now that I’m - Back then, I felt like they reflectzed badly onto me - but if had kids and treated them like my fanfics or crumpled drawings, well, that would scar them for life.

You could certainly see this as a metaphor for narcissism, particularly in the way WD judged everything by how much it was like her, to the point that she would ‘overwrite`’ ppl’s personalities with her ideas of how it ought to be, while lacking a solid identity of her own apart from being “perfect/the best” by default, but that only goes so far because the gems literally are her creations who take their characteristics from various aspects of her being.

She’d have a completely different conceptual framework to anyone else, though she’s certainly not “above it” in any way.

I don’t think she was completely unaffected by Pink’s dissapearence either, if you want to complete the Stages of Grief analogy she would be Denial or Bargaining. Most likely, she was growing increasingly frustrated with her ability to make her empire “perfect” like she ought to and that’s why she started keeping to herself more and assuming that Pink couldn’t be dead.

She seemed like the knowing one when she was as much in denial as anyone else - you can tell they had a complicated relationship because of how White saw herself in her, that might be why she indulged and preferred her, but then again she didn’t always like what she saw and felt that Pink represented parts of her that she didn’t want to see.

It’s not without reason that Steven tells her to “get out of her own head” and try to see the world for what it is rather than her preconceived notions of what it is or means. You could perhaps relate that to

When she realizes that she’s actually dead - that’s when she has her breakdown.

You could even draw a parallel to “Romeo And Juliet”, where the older generation only realizes how much its ways were fucked up when it gets their beloved children killed for just trying to live happy lives.

Cal Gustav Jung would certainly remind us that what irritates us about others are often things that irritate us about ourselves, that we may be liable to “see the world as we are” and never is that more apparent than when we view everything through some skewed belief system, or when we hate - people hate people who blur boundaries because they don’t want to confront the ambiguity within themselves, or act as “superior” and merciless because they’ve rejected their own mortal fragile humanity.

Another observation is that when you set up anything as the “default” you create pressure not to deviate from the norm and prevent its members from experiencing their individuality. (see societal pressure on heterosexual men, or Euro-Americans saying they ‘have no culture to celebrate’ - maybe instead of becoming a devouring plague upon your fellow men, you could actually appreciate European culture? Like, read some books, eat some cheese, learn a language, listen to some classical music, vote for worker protection laws?)

It speaks for PD that she even tried to save other aliens at some point. steven stepped completely out of her shadow the moment he was able to feel sorry for her, like “Geez, she had to live like that? No wonder she turned out the way she did!” he pretty much calls the other Diamonds out at some point, like he gets a secure sense of the differences between them when he realizes how much better off he’s been in his own life. Like, UGH.

For my part, I don’t believe the “best of the worst” thing was true, and more of an “evil cannot comprehend good” moment from White, if not outright projection. (after all, White seems to view all other Gems as imperfect copies of herself) If anything, Pink seemed upset that she got stuck being the leader even as “Rose Quartz” (see the Beach scene in “Greg the babysitter”) - but of course Steven, not being Pink, wouldn’t know whether or not White is right.

Other Thoughts:

In the earlier scenes you could see a lot of parallels to less than ideal family situations, and how people might end up acting as proxies of the problematic person, almost sprouting their words, in the name of keeping the peace, and how people in such an environment may have no idea of how it’s not normal

You CAN talk down such a person (I know of multiple people who made a bona fide job out of talking sense into literal nazis and clansmen, person by person - their tactic was generally to find whatever problem their rage came from), but there’s a difference between “flawed” and “awful” and I do think it came through that White is a piece of work quite unlike, say, Connie’s mother, and that Steven’s dealing with her because he wants to for the good of society, because he’s the bigger person and secure in himself, not because he owes it to her or anything

It seems like they went for “awesome” rather than “beautiful” with Steven’s fusions. The designs are kinda gaudy, but even so, once you getpast the gaudy design, it’s kind of touching how Steven’s and Garnet’s fusion is essentially a motivational speaker who sprouts encouraging advice nonstop. Garnet was always Steven’s Mentor and as well as the main person (besides greg) to teach him morals, as well as generally encouraging & supportive, but Steven of course encourages and supports her too, and both like doing that for others

I love Peridot’s short shorts and that she and Bismuth repaired the ships/ went a-tinkering together. It took me a bit to notice that it’s supposed to be shorts and not just her old outfit with starts instead tho

Voice of Reason!Connieis a gift that keeps on giving

#steven universe #su spoilers #change your mind

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fairycosmos · 3 years

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TW selfharm

this is probably going to sound so weird but i have no one to talk to, do you ever get so numbingly bored and emotionless but not really that you just feel the need to hurt yourself to like, i dont know, restart your brain? I've been clean from selfharm since early spring but I just can't stop the desire i have to just hurt myself, I even want to just cut my face to see something different in the mirror. And it's not to escape anxiety or anything I'm just so bored and I dont know lol

it doesn’t sound weird at all omg i promise. total apathy is a dangerous thing nd it can be very symptomatic of certain mental illnesses, as is the desire to self harm in the first place ofc. it doesn’t always have to be an escape or a soothing technique or a way to express self loathing. sometimes it’s simply a way to engage your brain, to have something - anything at all - hold your attention and give you some, for lack of a better word, entertainment for a while. ive heard from a lot and i mean a LOT of ppl who feel similarly. also just wanted to say it’s beyond fkn amazing that you’ve been in recovery since spring omfg!! that’s no easy achievement at all nd yet you’ve managed it, proving that no matter what your brain likes to tell you, you do not need self harm to function or cope or even to distract yourself with. you’ve got a whole life and personhood outside of the habit. you can acknowledge that the desire is there while also acknowledging that you don’t need to act on it. i know it’s much much easier said than done to truly implement that into your daily routine though, don’t get me wrong. im not trying to undermine that, but i do have a lot of genuine belief in you esp with the level of self awareness you have. did you ever talk to anyone about the self harming, or about what you’re going through? i understand if that’s not an option right now but if it ever becomes one, i really do encourage it. just having someone to be honest with and externalising your thoughts can help you see them in a whole new light, plus most professionals will be willing to work on a care plan that will include a whole host of preventive measures so you don’t have to worry as much about relapsing :) i think you really have to do the work to confront the underlying causes so you can begin to heal from them, even if right now you don’t even fully understand what the are. it’s ok for it to b a process. obviously it takes time, and it may take a moment before you find a service you truly click with - and i completely understand that asking for help when you can’t seem to care that much about anything - is unbelievably difficult. but for now i just want you to know that you’re not trapped and you do have options, and that where you are right now is not where you’ll always be. even turning to a friend/family member/ journal is a step in the right direction. i really hope you’re doing ok nd that today’s felt a little lighter for you. please take care nd focus on getting through one day at a time. you do deserve support and to be helped through what you’re dealing with rn x

#sorry it wouldn’t let me link resources u can find decent helplines on google though x #tw self harm #anon

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fatinsharbini · 4 years

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THE YOUNGEST ONE

What’s so great at being the youngest one in your family? People always said that being the baby of your family is synonym with being spoiled. Yes, I am the youngest child and No, I am not spoiled. Ykw? Some days it’s tough being the youngest child in your family. I’m not sure about other youngest childs out there, how they see him/herself or how they act as the youngest child. But, the worst part of being the youngest sibling is that you can’t express your anger towards anyone in your family. And I have a short temper sometimes. I scolded the elders when I shouldn’t. Seriously it makes me feel like I’m a bad child.

Being the youngest one means you need to respect the elders. But, my temper is so annoying that I’ll flip out on them and then a second later I’ll immediately regret it to the deepest root in my heart and I would feel like shit for the rest of the day. And another second later I started to have a tendency to crying myself out of situations because I do feel bad. Soooo so bad. But, most of the time they put the blames on me even for the simplest things like carelessly didn’t switch off the fans or leave my drinks on the table until the cup covered by ants. I didn’t do it. I’m not that kind of person. I’m the most alert person in the house after my mom yknow 😞. Most of the time I was blamed for things I didn’t do just bcs the youngest ones always at fault. I don’t know why but I find it funny. That’s not the reason why I lose my temper because I find it funny HAHA but at the same time I feel hurt because why is it always me to be blame like.....everytime? HAHA.

Being the youngest one for me is to accept the responsibility for myself. I need to know my responsibilities in making ppl surrounds me feel comfortable and making sure that I will not do anything that will make them worried (I’ve tried my best). I’ve seen a lot of last born are messy. Hmm I mean, they have the tendency to follow the elders’ attitude or the way they acted. I know I need to learn well to pick the right things and left the wrong things at the first place. And, I cannot blame others if something happen (but sometimes my gut instinct prevent me from doing so because yknow, sometimes I do feel that I need to win the war and everything I said is right. HAHAHA).

Among the basic responsibilities as being the youngest among your older siblings is to follow their orders as what most Sarawakians said ‘kenak ulun’ HAHAHA. I feel so much grateful for being the youngest sibling at this part because just imagine, if I have a younger brother or sister, I will surely be the one that makes the rules. See? Being positive at the right thing can save you a lot of arguments. Seriously I am not complaining. I don’t know why but if my siblings ordering me to do this and that, I will automatically make it with less complaints (except if I am not in the good mood or if I know they can make it done at their end easier than ordering me to do it). But yknow, it’s the basic thing you’ll see in most family and it’s not even weird at all. That’s what siblings are for. Yes hehe.

I secretly believe that my parents love me the most (back then). HAHA. But by the time I get older and wiser, I realized that we are getting equal amounts of attention from our parents. It’s normal if sometimes you feel that you get unequal attention or less attention among your siblings. Same goes to me. There are days I feel like shit among them when I was scolded because of what I did not do like not cleaning the kitchen after cooking (I did it every time but yknow, I do my cleaning but sometimes I forgot some parts of the kitchen) or accidentally leave small piece of rubbish in front of my door (this happens because the wind blow it). I get yelled and being compared with my siblings (and it’s not even at serious matter I tell you). Those were the best days of my life. Okay close case. Moving on.

There is this one day that I still remember, I was scolded at the simplest thing (again) but don’t know why I feel so emotionally understated. As what I was saying earlier, I will seriously crying myself out of situations (of course not in front of them) or I will get the urge to do cleaning if I find it totally useless for me to cry like what I always did. I still curious on the idea of me suddenly doing a periodic cleaning in times of grief like that (for so many times) tho. Ykw? I did the whole room cleaning last two years just because I feel like I’m not doing my best to get a job after graduating. I feel useless during that time because I couldn’t give anything to my parents. I almost spent all my savings at that time (I also had to change my phone exactly after graduating because the old one is broken...at the right time? *flipping hair*).

Those are some of the hardest yet funny days that I can never forget. Those days has made me a little bit optimistic and believe that He has plans for me only at the right time. I pray to be aware of the gratitude towards what was given to me. I prayed for pleasures level by level. As I have been making plans to take my career and my life to the next level, I suddenly realized that I have one important thing that actually help me to push myself towards the upper level, which is to always see my lowest level. Though that level is just a so-so level for certain ppl, remember that you’re already leveling up one step closer to the highest. Always remind yourself that you should always compare how better your life is now than before.

I still remember when I started working on my first job, the salary is not much to survive and I took one photo of my first salary to be look at whenever I feel hard at working and feel like to quit from my current job. I feel so sad because I don’t always afford to buy food pellets for my Kuraks and believe it or not, I cried in front of my Kuraks kayyy (they’re not even humannnn I tell you) and don’t know how I assume that those Kuraks understand my feelings and they’re also crying at the same time as I did (I saw the tears flow. Or is it because they just swam in the water minutes before?) Ridiculous but I actually did it? You so funny, Fatin!

May 13, 2017 10:27 pm

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toycarousel · 6 years

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Is it weird that when I come to a really hard part in my life and I keep thinking about asking you? I think once a year i've been in your ask box trying to get advice. My partner is severely depressed to the point where he seriously talks about killing himself nearly every other day. Its been almost a year and its just getting harder and harder to handle emotionally. He's terrified of being put in a psych ward from pas experience. I don't know what to do. I love him and he needs me but it hurts.

Hi, Anon! I don’t think it’s weird at all, not to worry~! It’s perfectly fine to ask me for help, and to talk to me whenever you want to! I just can’t give, like professional answers (since I’m not a professional) and I just offer advice/help casually when I’m able to, which can often be reeeeeeally delayed, especially when I’m off my meds and such – executive dysfunction is a huge problem for me, so during emergency events, definitely contact a distress centre before talking to me, as I won’t be able to get to time-sensitive asks promptly, and I certainly don’t want you to be stuck waiting for me! :’O

That being said, I am always open to sharing my perspective, any resources I can find, and basically any help I can potentially offer, so it’s always okay to message me – sending multiple asks is totally fine too – if you want to hear my take on things!

Wrt what you’ve shared with me here, I want you to know that it’s okay to be open about the pain that you’re going through as well, and to reach out to people for help! I know there’s a lot of pressure on folks to, like, forego their own health and safety when a loved one is struggling, but that’s never something that you have to do – in fact, if you take care of yourself, seek help when you need it, and ask for the same support that you’ve been giving your loved one, you’ll end up being more effective in changing their life (as well as your own) for the better. Too often, we feel like it’s our sole responsibility to find a solution to our loved ones’ incredibly serious emotional distress… but few of us are professionals in these areas, and even if we were, it’s terrifying and difficult to know what to do when someone very close to you is the one suffering.

It’s very hard, and very painful to see someone we love going through so much… and you’re not doing anything wrong by seeking to regulate the pain that you’re experiencing too, as a result! So I’m going to share some resources that are specifically for you, so you can find support for what you’re feeling and for coping and making decisions based on how this situation has affected you! Depending on what happens, you may end up having to make a truly hard choice. It’s not healthy to stay with someone who doesn’t want to make changes to their life, while simultaneously causing you harm. But I also know that it’s awful to feel like, if you need to take time for yourself, away from the person and the situation, that you could be responsible for anything bad happening.

You’re not responsible for someone else’s personal health – it’s important to support loved ones, and to do what you can for them, but sometimes there’s just. A limit to how much we can actually do, you know? The other person needs to meet you halfway, and aim to care for themselves as well, even if they really, really don’t feel like it.

When I started DBT, I was doing it for my mother, my brother, my brother’s partner at the time, and my big sister. Basically, I was doing it for all the people around me, neglecting myself entirely, and because of that, it wasn’t working long-term. It did, however, get me to take that first step and seek help when I didn’t feel I deserved it (and therefore wouldn’t have done it otherwise at that point in my life, in my own self-hatred), because I didn’t want to hurt others, but the therapy itself only started solidifying in my mind and truly working once I made the conscious desire to find reasons to live for myself – once I decided (and it oftentimes has to be a constant choice), to hold onto the life I have. To build that life into something I could care about, instead of writing it – and myself – off entirely.

I know this is probably, like, the last thing you’d want to do, especially since your boyfriend has had awful experiences with psych wards, and ppl can often end up in a psych ward when this is done – but you may have to call for help for your boyfriend (if an emergency situation occurs, and you’re afraid he may take his life).

All lives are worth saving, and your boyfriend deserves a chance at life, which is something he would no longer have if he committed suicide. That’s just my perspective, though. I’ve been in a place where I did have to call the police on someone that I knew would hate me for it, and I’ve been in a place where the cops have been called on me and I hated the caller for it. You don’t necessarily have to call the police, specifically, btw; calling an ambulance is often just as effective, and possibly even better, because they’ll have life-sustaining equipment and a proper vehicle on them if your loved one has already done something that compromises their physical safety…

Remember though, I’m not a professional – it’s good to call ppl who are trained to know what to do in this situation (like a crisis centre) to ask them what steps you should take if an emergency like this occurs! I’ll link them below, along with the other resources for you, Anon! I’m worried for you, and I want you to be safe, and healthy, and regain some peace in life~

For you:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/supporting-someone/looking-after-yourself (this link is out of Australia, so the crisis lines here won’t necessarily be applicable, but the site itself – and this page specifically – goes through some steps as to how to look after yourself when you’re supporting someone else with depression).

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2017/jul/10/how-to-support-a-depressed-partner-while-maintaining-your-own-mental-health (this article is about spouses, and has a mixture of suggestions for maintaining your own health, but there are a couple important ones here – I personally think the paragraph “Don’t stop doing the things you love,” is crucial).

https://www.habitsforwellbeing.com/22-ways-practice-emotional-self-care-letting-go/ (emotional self-care tips~!)

http://www.upworthy.com/101-self-care-suggestions-for-when-it-all-feels-like-too-much (more psychological and emotional self-care suggestions – I feel like these ones are especially down to Earth, which is great!)

https://www.lessonsforlove.com/blog/taking-care-of-yourself/651-taking-care-of-yourself-emotionally (more emotional/psychological self-care tips, with a couple specified ideas that could be helpful~!)

https://teenhealthcare.org/blog/6-ways-to-take-care-of-yourself-on-social-media/ (I don’t know what your age is, or whether taking care of yourself on social media would help with your specific situation, but I thought I’d include this just as, like, something supplementary if your primary communication with support systems ends up having to be online, you know? A whole lot of mine are, and these are things I often have to remind myself of :’)

For both you and your boyfriend:

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/helping-someone-else/supporting-someone-who-feels-suicidal/how-to-help/#.WwRuktMvx-U (this site is out of the UK, so the crisis numbers here might not be relevant to where you live, but the site itself has some suggestions as to what you can do for someone who is suicidal).

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/suicide-prevention/suicide-prevention.htm

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/ruby-fremon/depression-spouse_b_7557410.html (this is in reference to a spouse, but in reading it, I suspect it would be applicable to any close relationship!)

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/supporting-family-and-friends-with-a-mental-health-condition-(carers)/need-advice-to-cope-with-depressed-partner (more tips on maintaining a healthy relationship with someone who is depressed/suicidal).

http://codedredalert.tumblr.com/post/109005732295/helpline-masterlist (helpline masterpost for a wide variety of struggles!)

http://myresourcemasterlist.tumblr.com/suicide (more resources, including ones for suicide, and coping with your own intense/distressing emotions).

Wrt your boyfriend specifically, again, it’s totally understandable that he’s afraid to be placed in a psych ward, like, I personally get that (I’ve had nasty past experiences with those as well). There are other ways to seek treatment though, like, through outpatient (but intensive) programs. I have no idea what the options are where you two live, but I can dig up any resources online that I find that may be relevant, as well as anonymous crisis hotlines/chatlines, and self-help and self-soothing resources! They’re not a permanent measure, and unless a genuine effort is put into them, they should mainly be used by him to help make himself feel better in the moment. Hopefully they can also give him some tools to start working with as it pertains to regaining the parts of his life (and life itself) that he’s lost interest in.

I’ll be linking a couple DBT skills specifically for the latter there. While DBT skills are used more for people with BPD, the particular skills I’m linking are applicable to basically everyone – and especially people who are suicidal, depressed, and who want to build a life worth living. Because I understand why people become suicidal (and up until recently, I was suicidal myself), and sometimes, especially depending on a person’s external circumstances (circumstances that are often completely outside of their control) it can feel like life has gotten so bad that it’s unsalvageable. What I’ve found is that there is always something – even the tiniest thing – that is worth salvaging. And from that tiny place, a person can spark an entire life, building on every small good thing until they can see that there really is a life out there, waiting for them. They built it themselves.

For your boyfriend:

https://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/emotion_regulation1.html (these are some very straightforward worksheets for emotion regulation skills – they do essentially what they sound like they would, and they’re long-term skills that can become 2nd nature through practice~! It just makes handling all the painful emotions in life that we don’t always know how to pull ourselves out of).

http://www.anythingtostopthepain.com/dbt-skill-of-the-day-improve-the-moment-from-the-distress-tolerance-module/ (this is for distress tolerance – it’s the ‘IMPROVE’ skills specifically. Not every part of the acronym will be applicable, but a few might help when it’s just an especially terrible day/night…)

https://www.mindfulnessmuse.com/dialectical-behavior-therapy/improve-the-moment-with-emotion-regulation-strategies (this explains the ‘IMPROVE’ skills in more detail).

https://www.7cups.com/forum/BorderlinePersonalityDisorderSupportCommunity_81/DBTSkilloftheWeek_1304/DBTSkilloftheWeekIMPROVEthemoment_76695/ (the ‘IMPROVE’ skills again, with specific suggestions as to practicing the skill! 7cups also offers free online chat-based help, so it can be a great place to vent, and potentially gather external resources!)

https://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/using_self_soothe.html (crisis survival skills! These are especially important for incredibly bad moments – for when a crisis occurs and a person needs to be able to step back from particularly rough events/triggers that can really make it difficult to refrain from harming oneself in any way!!! I included this link because it looks like it has a few videos, which may be nicer than all this reading!)

http://creativityintherapy.com/2016/05/create-a-sensory-self-soothing-kit/ (how to create a self-soothing kit – this link could be helpful for you as well, Anon~!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBopCkdBwsk (I really, really think this video could be helpful. The speaker explains why these skills are used, and how to create plans/backup plans based on these skills. It’s about building the life you want, but also acknowledging how much pain you’ve been through, and how to healthily ‘Distract’ oneself during a crisis!!!)

So, I know that was a LOT to read~!!!! I hope that some of these resources and perspectives can be helpful. And Anon, I just want to reiterate that I believe you’re a good person, and a good partner! You clearly care about your boyfriend deeply. Needing to have time for yourself, and taking care of yourself are not things that make a person selfish – they strengthen you, and you deserve happiness and peace in life~

#relationships #advice asks #suicide #depression #suicidal ideation #self care #therapy #mental health resources #dbt skills #dbt resources #distress tolerance #emotion regulation #institutionalization mention -#anons #scotchasks

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