#and understand the importance of having BOTH forms of shelter in order to save the most lives

[mylordshesacactus]

Anyway, for $100 I will come to Thanksgiving dinner, sit down with your family, wait for a lull in the conversation, and then I will loudly say "I HATE no-kill shelters! There is NEVER an excuse to TURN AWAY a healthy animal. I think it's just evil to pick and choose which innocent animals are worth trying to save, instead of giving every life an equal chance!" and then I will shove an entire apple pie into my bag and leave.

[cosmicjoke]

I want to talk a little bit about Levi’s relationship with Erwin, and why Levi, for most of the story of Attack on Titan, was dedicated to and so trusting of Erwin’s judgment.

I see a lot of people say it’s because Erwin gave Levi a “purpose” in life.  That it’s because before he met Erwin, Levi had no direction, no goal, etc...  That might be part of it.  But I think, more than giving Levi a purpose, I think what Erwin gave Levi was hope.  

Levi’s big, character defining moment, the one that influences and impacts all of Levi’s choices throughout the story, and indeed, influences his very life philosophy, comes with the deaths of Furlan and Isabel.  I don’t think the importance of these two characters in Levi’s life gets nearly enough attention.  They’re often written off because they’re “side characters”, not actually invented by Isayama himself, and so their import to Levi is often overlooked.  But if we’re being honest, and not viewing Levi’s relationships through the lens of shipping goggles, I think, out of everyone, it’s Furlan and Isabel who were probably closer to Levi than any other character in the series.  I don’t say that to offend anyone, so please don’t take it that way.  But both Furlan and Isabel come from the same world as Levi.  They, presumably, both grew up in the Underground, the same as Levi, both experienced poverty, deprivation, and the same struggle to survive from day to day that Levi did.  That, alone, would give them a connection to Levi that no other character in SnK has.  No one else that we know of in the Survey Corps came from the Underground, no one else in the Survey Corps experienced that particular kind of disenfranchisement or alienation from proper society, or truly experienced what it meant to be treated as second class citizens, the way those who came from the Underground did.  The people of the Underground are there largely because, for whatever reasons, they’ve been deemed pariah’s of society, unwanted, unneeded, driven there, in the case of Levi’s mother, by persecution, others likely for having fallen in bad with the law, somehow, or because their own, impoverished circumstances left them with no place else to go.  Likely a large portion of the Underground population was born there, born into poverty and deprivation and labeled, through no fault or action of their own, as the “dregs” of society.  I think it’s even stated at some point in the manga that the people of the Underground don’t have legal citizenship up on the surface.  Meaning they’re literally treated as illegal aliens, and if they’re caught up above on the surface, they’ll be deported back down.  In this sort of environment, in which the population has been cast off from regular society and deemed unfit and undesired, cut off from the typical benefits and privileges one garners from being a part of a working and ordered society, like regular food, regular work, safe and reliable shelters, an education, health care, opportunity for advancement, all the sorts of rights one enjoys from having citizenship of any society, circumstances of desperation come into play, a constant, frantic struggle to acquire the basic necessities of living day to day, of simply surviving from one day to the next.  This of course breeds an environment of crime.  Engaging in illegal activities just to manage day to day life.  This is all stuff that Levi was born into, this kind of deprived life where he could rely on no one and nothing to help him get by.  No sorts of state implemented programs, no sort of educational system to help him learn a trade, no sort of regular job opportunities or income, no access to health care, no legal or human rights, no legal path to gaining citizenry up top, no  safety net of any kind to help him, essentially.  This is what it truly means to struggle to survive.  When there isn’t any time to think of banal or frivolous pleasures, when one can’t afford to indulge in fantasies or dreams, or hope.  All Levi would have known, for the first 25 years of his life, was the desperate struggle to not die, to make it to the next day.  Truly the definition of existing, not living.

Furlan and Isabel, we can surmise, shared this same experience with him, underwent and experienced similar struggles and desperation and deprivation.  That shared experience, then, must have bonded them in a way impossible for Levi to find with anyone else, no matter how close he grew to his comrades in the SC.  None of them could ever have understood the experience of growing up totally deprived, as Levi did, the way Furlan and Isabel could have.  And I think, because of that, to Levi, Furlan and Isabel were the closest thing to family he probably ever had.  They found each other in the most desperate of circumstances, and bonded through the shared struggle of their existence.  They found comfort and love and friendship in one another in an otherwise brutally harsh, unforgiving, cruel, uncaring, isolated and forgotten world.  A world literally shunned by the light of the sun, and by the acceptance of society above.

Well, how this all relates back to Erwin and Levi’s relationship with him, comes down to what Erwin says to Levi after Furlan’s and Isabel’s deaths.  Levi is drowning and blinded, in the moments following their deaths, by pure grief and rage.  He can’t understand what’s just happened.  He’s lost the only two friends he’s ever had in the whole world.  The two people who he found in the darkest, most difficult and most desperate time of his life, the two people who shared in and understood that hardship better than anyone else ever could.  He’s just watched the both of them being eaten alive by Titans, torn apart and killed in one of the most horrific and terrifying ways a person can die, and found himself unable to save them, helpless to stop this horrible thing from happening to the only two people in his life he could, up to that point, regard as family.  He was alone.  Utterly alone, then.  Likely transported back to the days before he met them, after Kenny had abandoned him on the streets, left completely on his own to survive in, again, one of the harshest, most unforgiving environments imaginable.  Levi’s life, before he met Furlan and Isabel, must have been one of suffocating loneliness and isolation.  A life filled with no real human connection, no real warmth, or love or friendship.  He found those things when he found them.  And then he had to sit there and watch as those things were torn violently away from him once more.  The pain must have been incomprehensible, the fear and disbelief and grief so deep, he couldn’t think past it.  He sees Erwin in that moment, then, and it all comes crashing down on him, all of that rage, pain and despair, and the only means for him to keep it from destroying him then and there, to keep it from consuming him, is to direct it at the man he sees a responsible for their deaths.  So he attacks Erwin, fully intent on killing him.  And then, Erwin tells him not to let Furlan and Isabel have died in vain.  He tells Levi not to regret his choice to come with them to the surface, not to regret having chosen to come out on expedition with the SC, not to regret choosing to leave them behind with the rest of their squad and go out on his own after Erwin, not to let them die without MEANING.  This entire exchange forms what comes to be the crux of Levi’s life philosophy later on.  Erwin tells Levi that he can’t let Furlan’s and Isabel’s deaths be meaningless, he can’t let them have died for no reason.  He tells Levi that humanity needs his strength, and that if he lends that strength to their cause, then Furlan’s and Isabel’s deaths will gain purpose, that, in spite of it’s horrific tragedy, their sacrifices will matter, because they will have brought Levi to the cause of humanity’s salvation.  

Essentially, Erwin plants in Levi the idea that people don’t have to die meaningless deaths.  Levi, who grew up in a world where doubtless he saw, day after day, people dying for no reason at all, succumbing to things like disease and starvation and depression and violence, Levi, who grew up doubtless SURROUNDED by meaningless death, is told by this man, whom Levi had meant to kill in his own, misguided attempt to make the lives of his family better, that death doesn’t have to be meaningless at all.  That people can die in ways that will make the world a better place for everyone else, that people can die for a cause that makes not just their deaths, but their very existence, meaningful, valuable, important.  Erwin plants this idea in Levi’s head, that no matter how ugly, or awful, or cruel, or painful, or seemingly pointless life can be, no matter how unfair or unjust the deaths of those we care for may seem, we can, even if only a little, redeem that cruelty and unfairness and that pain, by making their suffering and their sacrifices count towards something better.  Even if that something better is a distant hope, or an unreachable dream, to simply fight for it in the name of those who have endured hardship and lost their lives, is enough to save them from the indignity, shame and hopeless despair of having died forgotten and purposeless.  To Levi, who grew up surrounded by meaningless struggle and death, the thought that what we endure and what we suffer doesn’t have to be for nothing must have been a revelation.

This is why I think Levi is so devoted to Erwin, why he follows Erwin with such loyalty and trust.  It isn’t because of some silly bond due to his bloodline, or because he’s “in love” with Erwin.  It’s because Erwin made Levi believe that life, and death, could both hold something better than the desperate suffering of his childhood.  It’s why Levi thinks of Erwin as someone with a great, far reaching vision that Levi himself could never grasp.  Because he considered this thing that Levi himself never had, that a person’s life and death, both, could be given meaning through the continued actions those still living take in their name.  That WE can give their lives and deaths meaning.  Erwin’s ability to see that made Levi believe in him, and his ability to lead humanity to salvation.  Erwin’s words to Levi that day essentially rescued him from the depressing and brutal darkness of his own life experiences.  They made everything Levi had suffered up to then gain meaning.  No longer did Levi feel he’d lived such a hard and painful life for no reason other than his own misery.  No longer did Furlan’s and Isabel’s deaths have to have meant nothing and gained nothing.  Levi could take all of that, could take all of the pain and grief and sadness, and make it into something which would give it reason.  He could use it to form something which could have value for others.  Erwin’s words help pull Levi up from an existence of pure suffering and loss, and instead tell Levi that those things he’s gone through, those losses he’s experienced, those trials he’s endured, weren’t for nothing.

We see Levi apply this philosophy to almost everything he does throughout SnK thereafter, in which he tries with uncompromising determination to make sure every loss suffered, every sacrifice made, every action taken, is done so with meaning, with purpose, with reason.  Whether that be the lives of his comrades being lost in the fight for humanity’s freedom, or Historia needing to step up and take her rightful place as Queen, or his squad having to take the lives of other people to survive, or the numerous lives given to protect Eren, all of it is only tolerable to Levi so long as he believes there is MEANING behind it all, that there is a greater good to be achieved, that it will all lead to a better life for humanity all around.  For someone like Levi, who grew up in such utter depravation and abject poverty, in a world of ruthless and uncaring violence, where his own life was deemed by society to have no worth or value at all, the import of being able to believe in something better, in a better world, where all that suffering didn’t have to happen for nothing, can’t be overstated.  It was like his one, shining light to be found in an otherwise pitch black world, and when he saw it, Levi grasped it with both hands and never let it go.

It speaks too to Levi’s own, inherent idealism, I believe, that he was ABLE to believe the words coming from Erwin’s mouth, when everything in his life up to that point should have crushed any sort of idealistic fancy from him.  Levi wanted to believe it.  His own, innate kindness is what allowed him to.  I don’t think Levi ever fully believed life to be hopeless, or pointless, even before he met Erwin.  It’s why he was able to form bonds with people like Furlan and Isabel, why he did everything he could to help them, to make their lives better, to take care of them, and to help other orphans and delinquents in the Underground.  That he was able to open his heart up to the possibility of friendship and family, and have in him the desire to help those in need, even as it was already a struggle just to keep himself alive, is proof of Levi’s always pure and giving heart.  I think Levi has always desired to make the lives of others better, to do all he could to help others, to protect those who couldn’t protect themselves, and to give value to the lives of those deemed worthless by society.  I think Levi’s always held that kind of compassion and caring and kindness in him, that he’s always just been naturally inclined towards helping others, and wanting to improve their circumstances.  I think where Levi probably struggled was in believing he could achieve those things on his own, or at all.  In believing the plausibility of those dreams, or the value in even harboring such secret desires for something so idealistic.  In believing even in the possibility.  Life, after all, had shown him nothing but the opposite.  What Erwin did for Levi was make him believe in the possibility of his own power to make a difference, and validate his hope as something more than just fancy, turning it to something tangible, something he could work towards and achieve with his own, two hands.  Surrounded by so much pain and suffering without purpose, Erwin gave Levi the realization that, even if he had power in nothing else, he had the power to give the sacrifices and suffering of others meaning.  He had the power to make sure the lives of others were worth something more.   Erwin didn’t make Levi a better person.  Levi was ALWAYS a good person.  What Erwin did was give Levi the ability to believe himself capable of making the difference he always wanted to make.  He gave Levi the ability to genuinely, truly hope.  

[blrush]

If Nobleman Ryu’s Wedding was a serious drama with hour long episodes. Part 4: Everything Is Torn Apart.

[The final part of my fic, enjoy! It gets dark but has a happy ending]

As Ki Wan looked at Ho Seon’s open and trusting face, fragments of a scene play out in his mind like a dream …

… Ki Wan is in beautiful robes, he can feel the weight of jewels in his hair, just like on his wedding day. He is in the palace grounds, splendour and opulence engulf him, women in bright gowns, stairs with gold and red carpets lead up to the king and queen who sit atop their pedestal like gods on a mountain. Hundreds of lords and ladies watch him with beady eyes. Tae Hyung is holding him, parading him in front of the king, his nails digging into Ki Wan’s forearm. Ho Seon watches on, held by palace guards. The crowd sneers and jeers, Tae Hyung’s voice echoes through across the forecourt, lecturing, accusing … then he rips at Ki Wan’s robes, jewels and silks cascade to the floor, and Ki Wan is standing naked – the crowd is gasping, Ho Seon is yelling for his wife, the guards beat him into submission …

No. That won’t happen. He won’t let that happen.

“Ho Seon, I have to tell you. I …. I’m not really your wife. What I mean is … I’m not a woman. I’m a man. And Tae Hyung knows...”

~~~

“I don’t understand.”

Hwa Jin was looking at Ho Seon with such earnestness in his face, that Ho Seon knew he must pay attention, he must take this seriously. But he couldn’t understand, he couldn’t comprehend the words forming on Hwa Jin’s lips. After everything that had happened that afternoon, he was still pre-occupied with Tae Hyung’s order that he join the palace court. Now his head was spinning!

“I don’t understand” he fumbled again. “You’re my wife. I mean, you were betrothed to me by my uncle – why would my uncle marry me to a man? …Oh. Oh I see!” his voice began to raise in anger and derision. “Is this some sort of joke?! To teach me a lesson? Who knew? Did my mother tell him? Are you all playing a trick on me!?” He withdrew his hands from where Hwa Jin was still grasping them in his lap.

He brought his hands up to face, shaking his head in dismay. This was all too much to bare. He trusted his wife implicitly, completely. Had she betrayed him? No, HE had HE betrayed him?

~ 
Ki Wan was taken a back, he had predicted anger, but Ho Seon’s reaction was totally unexpected, this defensiveness and barrage of self-pity. What was he talking about, and why was his anger not directed at Ki Wan? Whilst he knew, rationally, that any attempt at physical contact in such a moment was unwise, and may invite a violent reaction from Ho Seon, Ki Wan felt pity swelling in him – the man before him was hurt and confused, his friend and companion, who needed comfort. So, he reached out and gently put his hands over Ho Seons’, softly guiding them down, away from his face and back to his lap, where he held them tight once again.

“Ho Seon. Please” he begged. “Listen to me. No one knew of this. No one! I don’t know what kind of plot of ploy you think has been concocted here, but believe me it was all my doing. You were betrothed to my sister, Hwa Jin, and when she ran away, I decided that I must take her place – it was the only way to save our families name and to save my father from dept. And …” Oh no, it was all tumbling out now, everything he had bottled up so tightly all these months. “I had to leave. There was nothing for me at home, I had no one, and I thought maybe I could have a better life here … with you…And I was going to tell you and I kept waiting for the right moment but it never came, and the longer I stayed with you and the more I got to know you the more hurt I knew you would be and I couldn’t bear the thought of you hating me, and I know I was selfish and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Ki Wan was crying now, how abysmal. All these months of effort and lying and torment, for what? So that he could fall to pieces at the mercy of Ho Seon, just as he feared he would on his wedding night in the first place.

They were both sitting still, looking down at their clenched hands between them. Neither one pulling away. The only sound Ki Wan could hear was Ho Seon’s breath and his own pathetic sniffling.

“I don’t hate you.” Ho Seon broke the silence. “I hate myself.”

“Hm?” Ki Wan looked up at Ho Seon, who was still miserably staring down.

“I hate myself for being so stupid. For not knowing. For not realising what was right in front of me. I hate myself for hiding from you, for not telling you the truth. We could have been honest with each other so long ago. I’m sorry you had to go through all of this, because of me.”

“It’s not your fault!” Ki Wan was appalled, how could sweet Ho Seon be blaming himself for anything in this mess? He was completely blameless, the victim in all of this – surely?

“The only reason my mother was so desperate to marry me off, the only reason my uncle was involved – and I suspect, the reason your family was paid off – was because of me. Because I would never marry. If I had been less stubborn, or maybe if my mother was less stubborn – this could have all been avoided. I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry! I’m sorry for lying to you, to your mother, to everyone. I’m sorry for taking the place of someone else – you should have married a beautiful and accomplished noble-woman like my sister. I’m sorry.”

They sat in stilted silence once again, until Ho Seon’s face began to change, and to Ki Wan’s surprise, was smiling.

“It’s ironic really.” He scoffed. Ki Wan knew Ho Seon to be good natured, but to find humour in this situation was beyond reason!

“What is?”

“That I couldn’t marry because I like men, and that – without my knowledge – I then married a man.”

“You… like…. Men?” Ki Wan was stunned. Though it made sense, given Ho Seon’s disinterest in ever consummating their marriage, he had never heard someone state such a secret in this matter of fact manner.

“Yes, well I suppose since we are sharing secrets, it shouldn’t matter if you are the first to know mine and I am the first to know yours? We’re even I guess!” He was smiling broadly.

“You’re not the first” Ki Wan remembered with a sinking heart. Just when he thought he had avoided disaster thanks to Ho Seon’s implausibly open heart, reality struck.

“Tae Hyung knows.” He continued. “That’s why I had to tell you. He caught me this afternoon, bathing – remember?”

“Oh.” Ho Seon began seriously, “I see. Well – I mean, I suppose we could speak with him? He’s and old friend. I’m sure he would understand.”

“NO!” Ki Wan startled them both in the quiet space.

“No.” He began again, whispering. “Ho Seon, this afternoon he … I don’t think he’s such a good man. I don’t think we can trust him.”

“Why not? He seemed to like you, he told me himself how jealous he was of my wife. Wait, but you said he saw you at the baths – are you sure he saw that you are a man, he seemed convinced that you were a woman when we spoke over dinner. He said how pretty you are…”

“He knows, Ho Seon, believe me – he was toying with you.”

“Don’t be paranoid! He is an important man – I doubt he has time to worry about such matters. He was here on business anyway, and why would he ask me to come to the capital as his confidant if he thought I was harbouring a secret male-bride?”

“HO SEON!” Ki Wan ripped his hands away and sat up on his haunches. “You are not listening to me! He is a cruel and power-hungry man. You may have been friends as children, but you do not know this man. He has worked his way up in the royal courts, he is ambitious and cunning. You have lived a cloistered world with your mother in the country, Ho Seon, you have no idea what kind of man you are dealing with!”

He knew he was sounding harsh. Perhaps if he were still pretending to be Hwa Jin, he would have been forced to take a softer approach to persuade Ho Seon – but now that he was speaking as Ki Wan, he felt free to speak his mind, and this onslaught of truth was more than he had spoken in months. He felt drained and his head was pounding. Sweet, sheltered Ho Seon was going to get them both in deep trouble, and Ki Wan felt like he was throwing pebbles at a stone wall. He sat back down, exhausted in a heap.

“It doesn’t matter much anyway.” Ho Seon sighed. “He is my senior, and has given me an order. So, we will move to the capital, and we will have to take each day as it comes. Together.”

“I cannot go Ho Seon. Don’t you see? There is no way I could show my face in court, it is liking walking into a bear trap. Ho Seon. We cannot leave.”

Ho Seon sat for a moment, and Ki Wan could see he was thinking deeply.

“No, I must go. It is my duty, and if I don’t – he will pester us. Perhaps if I leave, it will be enough to keep good standing, and no one will question you remaining here with my mother.”

He spoke in such a finite manner, Ki Wan knew there was no more discussion to be had. They had reached an impasse and they both knew there was no other choice. Ki Wan, suspected that Tae Hyung was playing some larger game they could not see, and who was using his old friend Ho Seon as a pawn. But he knew this was the only compromise that might save them from Tae Hyung’s curiosity or meddling. Whilst Ho Seon, believed with his naïve noble spirit, that following his superior’s orders and abandoning his family was the right thing for a gentleman to do.

It was late into the night by the time they went to bed. Ki Wan had begrudgingly helped Ho Seon pack a trunk of clothes and necessities. They spoke very little, as Ki Wan folded Ho Seon’s robes into neat little bundles and Ho Seon pored over his books, deciding which he might need to take with him to the city.

“I am leaving all these behind” he motioned to his shelves of books, “you can read as many as much as you like whilst I’m away.” He smiled warmly. He radiated his usual positive outlook, as if he was simply going on a short holiday. Whilst Ki Wan could not shake the sickening feeling of dread and fear that Ho Seon would never return.

They silently fell back into their nightly routine, almost as if the revelations of the evening had not occurred, and that they were once again just ‘husband and wife’. They changed their robes, doused the candles and tucked themselves under the covers.

Lying on their backs, staring at the ceiling, neither of them fell asleep. Ki Wan was too exhausted to speak or move, and he could feel Ho Seon lying tense beside him. He moved his hand under the blanket slightly, and felt Ho Seon shift too. Soon, the back of their hands were touching under the blankets. Ki Wan closed his eyes, and focused on the single point of connection between his skin and Ho Seon’s. Ho Seon’s skin was warm and smooth, and if he focused harder he could imagine warmth radiating from that single point outwards throughout his own body. Ho Seon’s hand moved slightly, and he carefully laced his fingers with Ki Wan’s. Ki Wan wondered, if he turned his head slightly, would Ho Seon be looking at him too? Would their eyes meet? What would happen if he leaned closer…? But they remained still and silent, holding hands under the covers, and Ki Wan felt his own breathing begin to match Ho Seon’s until he slowly drifted off to sleep.

~ ~ ~

Early in the morning, at the news of Ho Seon’s imminent departure, his mother kicked up a fuss over breakfast. Demanding to know when this decision had been made, and by whom – she was quickly silenced by the notion of a “royal decree” and Tae Hyung’s position as Defence Minister.

“I’m sorry Eomma,” Ho Seon pleaded, “I didn’t want to leave but I must, it’s my duty. I will come home soon I promise!”

“And what of your wife?!” She interrupted. “You’re going to leave your wife here all alone! How are you going to have children if you don’t even live with your wife Ho Seon! You fool!”

“Eomeoni,” Ki Wan placated, “It’s okay, I want to stay here and look after you. I don’t want to move to court, it sounds scary and besides, I like it here with you. Please.”

Unsatisfied but suitably calmed, Ho Seon’s mother agreed to stay home with Hwa Jin. The servants took away the breakfast that had barely been touched, and all that was left was for them to see Ho Seon off at the gates.

Tae Hyung was waiting with the horses saddled up, a cart with Ho Seon’s luggage affixed behind one of them. Ho Seon went ahead to check on his horse, and Ki Wan stood in the courtyard, supporting Ho Seon’s mother on his arm. The picture of a perfect filial daughter in law. It was all too surreal, like a scene from a play that Ki Wan was watching from the crowd, rather than partaking in.

Tae Hyung came over and gave Ho Seon’s mother a formal greeting, followed by a swift farewell and a joking apology about stealing away her son. He charmed her over easily, before addressing Ki Wan beside her.

“Lady Hwa Jin. It is such a shame you couldn’t be persuaded to join your husband at court. I was so hoping to get to know you better.” Again, his charming voice was undercut with a threatening gaze in his eyes. Ki Wan did not curtsey or offer his hand, but clung to his mother-in-law stubbornly, as if completely subject to the weight of holding her up, and Tae Hyung walked away – seemingly unbothered and above it all, to mount his horse.

Ho Seon approached them, head hung low, holding his hat in his hands – as if putting it on would be too final.

“Eomma,” he pulled his mother in for a hug, her shrinking stature swallowed up in his mammoth embrace. “I’ll see you soon.”

His mother, for once, was quiet. Her pride overpowering her emotion, she pushed him away toward Ki Wan, though still clutching the robes at his waist with one hand – whether to steady herself from falling, or to stop him from leaving.

Ho Seon turned to Ki Wan, looked briefly into his face, and though it seemed at first like he was hesitating – Ho Seon suddenly dropped his hat to the ground and Ki Wan was hauled into his arms.

Ho Seon clung to him, his hands on Ki Wan’s back were grasping at the material of his dress, and he buried his face into the crook of Ki Wan’s neck. Ki Wan barely had time to respond, he reached his arms up - hooked them over the top of Ho Seon’s shoulders, let his fingers slide into Ho Seon’s hair, messing up his tight top not, and held his face against Ho Seon’s.

In that moment, he saw an alternate life before him; Their life if Tae Hyung had never arrived, if he had told Ho Seon the truth earlier, they were happy and laughing in this alternate life - two men holding each other, reading together, swimming, sleeping…

“Please.” He whispered desperately into Ho Seon’s ear. “Please come home.”

With that, Ho Seon peeled himself away, clenching his jaw and looking more serious than Ki Wan had ever seen him.

Ki Wan bent down to pick up Ho Seon’s hat. He dusted it off, and placed it carefully on Ho Seon’s head. He neatly tucked away some stray hairs, and tied the ribbons under Ho Seon’s chin – allowing his hands to linger a moment longer than necessary on Ho Seon’s chin. Ho Seon was watching him steadily, and he looked - for the first time since Ki Wan had married him – not like a boy, but like a grown man, a serious man with burdens and pain and a sense of honour – like a fire was burning behind his eyes. He leaned closer, and softly touched his lips to Ki Wan’s forehead.

Then he was gone. The horses disappeared out of the gates in a plume of dust and dirt. And Ki Wan was left standing with his mother-in-law in the empty courtyard.

~ ~ ~

At first, life in the home remained steady – Ki Wan cared for his mother-in-law and they kept each other company. He kept himself busy reading, or helping the maids with the chores. Though Ki Wan was free of his lie, and the fear of Ho Seon finding out his gender – he was filled with a new fear, that Ho Seon was lost to them forever. He could never shake the feeling of unease in his stomach, and at night, he tossed and turned, without the warmth of Ho Seon’s body beside him, or the sound of his low snoring. He lay awake imaging all sort of ill fates that could befall Ho Seon in the city. He imagined the plots of every play and story he had read, of bandits, and court intrigue, of war, poison, treason, fire.

But every fortnight a messenger arrived with a letter and a large sum of money.

“To my dear mother and my darling wife, all is well.”

It always began with this same refrain.

He would then go on to briefly update them on his work and something novel to tell them about the city, such as;

“I continue with my work with Tae Hyung on the defence of the northern border, and today I saw acrobats performing in the streets of the city! I wish you had seen them!” or “I have been tasked with a new administrative job in council, to do with military funding, it’s very dull, but last week I tried crab meat for the first time – very stringy, I would not recommend.”

It would always end the same way.

“I hope to return home soon. Your adoring son and doting husband, Ho Seon.”

And so, Ki Wan would sleep more soundly for a night, until the anxieties returned.

Seasons came and went, and the garden looked more splendid than ever as Ki Wan threw himself into its care, as his mother-in-law shouted instructions from the balcony, as she could no longer manage the physical labour herself.

The funds from Ho Seon’s new position were enough to keep the family in good food and other than Ho Seon’s sorely felt absence, life at Ryu manor was tranquil.

Then one day, the messenger stopped arriving. Perhaps there had been bad weather, his mother-in-law suggested - a landslide acorss the road perhaps?

Another fortnight passed and still no messenger. Perhaps Ho Seon had been held up at work, overrun with important court business and didn’t have a chance to write? Impossible.

Ho Seon tried to be patient, and on one evening, he half convinced himself this was some sort of cosmic sign – perhaps this was his way out? Perhaps his life as Hwa Jin was over, and he should move on? Finally, he could be free of this mundane country life, and he himself could move to the city as a nobleman – why should he wait around moping like some forlorn housewife?

But he knew he was only trying to trick himself into feeling less afraid. Somehow, without intending to – he had bound himself to this place and to Ho Seon. There was no turning back, and for all the pain he had suffered working so hard, pretending to be Ho Seon’s wife there was no way he going to let anyone else to take Ho Seon from him.

One morning, he announced to his mother-in-law that he was going to the imperial city to find Ho Seon. Though she did not seem against the idea, she was fearful for Hwa Jin’s safety.

“It’s alright Eomeoni” Ki Wan said. “I will not go as a noble-woman, but as a man. I will disguise myself as a man and no one will pay me any attention. Don’t worry, I can take care of myself.” His mother-in-law demanded that the maids pack him some food, and that he be gone for no more than a week – otherwise she herself would send out a search party.

A week gave Ki Wan very little time to find Ho Seon, as the journey itself took 2 days. But, as his mother-in-law had said, if Hwa Jin arrived to find Ho Seon in fine health, there was no reason to linger – and, alternatively, if there was a problem, and Ho Seon could not be found, or the city proved dangerous, Hwa Jin was to return immediately and they would send word to Ho Seon’s great-uncle instead.

Ki Wan wore the plainest clothes of Ho Seon’s he could find, so as not to draw attention to himself and the ride to the city was uneventful. No bandits or landslides, just other travellers and tradesmen selling their wears along the imperial road.

The city was as Ki Wan had remembered it from his childhood, busy, messy, loud, confusing and full of a horrible odour. He wasted no time, a headed directly for the palace.

On the road leading toward the imposing palace gates, beggars and dogs lined the street, stopping wealthy gentry on their way past, begging for food or money, and usually getting a slap for their efforts, or an occasional coin tossed at their feet.

Ki Wan felt sorry for them, and felt the weight of his money purse at his hip. A boisterous man with very few teeth bounded up to Ki Wan’s horse.

“Good sir! Are you feeling generous today? My friends and I are starving, a warm cup of tea would do us good – it’s cold out here at night you know Sir!?”

“Here,” Ki Wan, reached into his purse and pulled out several copper coins. “I don’t have time to treat you to a meal or tea, but I hope this will help. Please share it among your companions.”

“Oh Sir! How generous! How wonderful! What a kind fellow!” He exclaimed, and bounded back to his friends sitting by the side of the road. For beggars, Ki Wan thought, some of them looked rather well dressed – perhaps they were con artists – he thought. Though, even if they were, Ki Wan could spare the coins, and who was he to judge them – he himself was a con after-all.

He made his way up to the guards at the gates and introduced himself as a “Nobleman Ryu” who was looking for his cousin, Ryu Ho Seon who worked under the Minister of Defence, Kim Tae Hyung.” He tried to sound relaxed, yet formal and assertive, but he suspected it came across as arrogant.

The guards sent off a messenger, and Ki Wan waited patiently. Soon, the messenger returned followed by a court official – a young man in fine robes and military hat.

“Lord Ryu,” he bowed, “I’m afraid no one of your family name works or lives in the palace at this time, you must be confused.”

“And what of Lord Kim Tae Hyung, is he here?”

“I’m afraid I am not at liberty to give out such sensitive information.”

He was getting the brush off and he knew it. This was bad. Something was definitely going on. He knew he would get nowhere with these men, so headed back into the town centre.

He checked himself in to an inn, and put his horse to water before heading inside.

Sitting downstairs to eat, he tried to concoct a plan. But he knew too little. Had there been some sort of political strife, was Ho Seon caught up in some imperial controversy? Or had Tae Hyung simply done away with him? Had he ever made it to the city in the first place? Had the letters been real? His mind was racing and he began panic. He couldn’t return home like this without answers!

At the table beside him, a group of men were drinking and huddled around, talking in low tones about “royal” this and “imperial” that. Ki Wan began to listen closely.

“I heard he’s in the King’s favour. That’s why he has been promoted so many times.”

“I heard he’s sleeping with the queen, THAT’s why he’s so favoured!”

“Well that’s one way to get into the good royal graces, by getting INTO her royal graces!” They chortled together.

“My cousin said the king was so furious he demanded a purge of the imperial staff. That’s why my cousin got dismissed.”

“But wasn’t your cousin just a cook?”

“Well exactly! They just decided who was in and who was out, no trial, no reasons. At least he got out with his life! Others weren’t so lucky, I heard he beheaded half a dozen eunuchs!”

Ki Wan was trying his best to keep up with the conversation, but it was hard to hear, and he had no context for the topic of their discussion.

“But if it was Lord Kim that was in charge, how did he end up with a promotion and not punished?”

KIM TAE HYUNG?! Ki Wan tried to remain calm and listen.

“Like I said, it seems he can do no wrong by the king and queen, so he just picked some scape goats to take the fall, and the king turned a blind eye as he always does.”

This was it! Ki Wan knew there had to be a reason Tae Hyung had gone to all the trouble of riding into the country to recruit an old friend into a government position. He needed pawns he could play with and toss around. Ho Seon could be rotting away in some dungeon!

“You know what the mad king’s like, he has favourites who he treats like princesses, and everybody else is just cannon fodder.”

“What, so Lord Kim just names names and the king has them executed?”

“Not all of them, just some eunuchs. I guess the higher up people were in the court, the worse their punishment was. The lower staff like my cousin were dismissed, and some ministers and lords were tortured. Whipped, burnt, blinded, or drawn in front of the king and queen - then turned out of the palace, like old scraps.”

“All I can say is, I’ve never been so glad to be a carpenter!” They laughed nervously, and downed their drinks, before an old man a table over told them to mind their tongues unless they themselves wanted a lashing.

Ki Wan felt sick, like the world was spinning around him. Ho Seon could be anywhere! With lashings on his back! or dying of a fever, left in the gutter on the street…. Oh! OH!

He was up with a jolt, sending the contents of his table flying, the innkeeper yelling at him as he raced out the door. He ran through the city, retracing his path back to the palace. It was dusk now, and there were less carriages and horses, though he nearly got run over twice in his haste through the streets. The beggars were still there, huddled by the sides of the road like stone plinths marking the path the palace.

Ki Wan was floundering, but he stopped running, slowed to a walk, and tried to catch his breath. The man who he had given copper coins to earlier approached him excitedly.

“My friend! How nice of you to visit again! Have you come to drink with us!”

“Please” Ki Wan choked out, “I’m looking for someone.”

“Well you’re in luck my good sir, as I know everyone!”

“His name is Ryu, Ryu Ho Seon ... he’s young – my age, and tall. He used to work in the palace. Please, do you know him.”

“I don’t know any Ryu” The man scratched at his stubble, and Ki Wan’s heart sank. “But I know a Ho Seon! Maybe that’s him?!”

“Oh please! Yes, please take me to him.”

The man lead Ki Wan further down the road, chatting away merrily, whilst Ki Wan felt like he might be sick from fear and nerves. What if it wasn’t his Ho Seon? What if his Ho Seon was dead? What if it was him but he wasn’t himself, how badly injured might he be?

Down the road a way, a man was seated alone, his back against a wall, his face turned up into the setting sunlight. His eyes were covered in bandages, yellowed with dirt and brown with dried blood. The man called out to him “Hey Ho Seon!” and he turned his head toward them. It was him!

“There’s someone looking for you.”

Ki Wan could barely move. He had stopped in his tracks at the sight of Ho Seon and couldn’t make his feet move any further. The man motioned Ki Wan to go ahead, and he left them.

Ki Wan forced himself forward, shuffling slowly and Ho Seon turned his head slightly to hear better.

Ki Wan crouched down in front of Ho Seon.

“Hello.” Was all he could say.

“Hello.” Ho Seon replied, his ever-present dimples still there, playing at the corners of his lips. Even in this state, he was able to smile a little.

Ki Wan’s voice was trapped in this throat.

“My friend says you know me, Sir?” Ho Seon asked.

“Yes.” Ki Wan wanted to speak, but could barely form words around the lump in his throat.

“And how do you know me?” Ho Seon was leaning forward, reaching out his hands to find the figure in front of him.

“It’s me.” Ki Wan barely whispered, trying to hold back tears.

Ho Seon’s hands found Ki Wan’s face and he began to feel his features, delicately tracing the shape of his nose, his cheeks, his lips…

“I’m your wife.” He finally managed to choke out.

“HWA JIN!” Ho Seon hauled him in violently, Ki Wan almost fell onto Ho Seon. Ho Seon pulled Ki Wan’s face toward his, so that their foreheads were touching. All the while he moved his hands over Ki Wan, tracing his face, hugging at his shoulders.

Ki Wan was crying, and was aware of all the people watching them. But he didn’t care. He held Ho Seon tightly until the sun had set. Then he began to pull him to his feet, careful to steady him, and checking that he wasn’t injured anywhere else.

“Can you walk?”

“Of course I can walk! I have legs don’t I!?” Ho Seon laughed.

“Well sorry for asking!” Ki Wan berated, sarcastically.

“Although… I can’t read now. So, I’ll be needing those bed-time stories from now on.” He grinned, boyishly, and held onto Ki Wan’s arm for guidance.

“Come on.” Ki Wan rolled his eyes, “Let’s go home.”

...

The End

Or maybe not... if I have time to come back to it maybe I’ll write some more or fill in some blanks, because this was very rushed, today was my only day off and I was waiting for the finale to air before I wrote it haha Hope you guys enjoyed it! as you can tell The King and the Clown is my favourite movie of all time and no I will not be taking criticism for using blindness as a plot device, because this is a melodramatic historical fanfic, thank you. Hope you enjoyed the angst, sorry I couldn’t make it longer!

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket, SE03, Ep1

I’m here! The final season continues from where se02 oddly left, right in the middle of a conversation! XD.

-Tohru’s crushed heart (scarf): Excellent symbolism!

Tohru, burdened with trying to lift the curse of teen & adult sohmas, is now also troubled by trying to help Arisa’s romantic life is sad for akito! Too much for compassionate selfless tohru. Unable to help, protect & erase the pain, tohru crumbles. Freezes. Her white scarf (heart) flies away, gets crushed by cars & becomes dirty. But here comes a boy ( who thinks himself a monster) picks it up, cleans & returns it back. He thinks nothing of his deed. nothing heroic abt saving a scarf, really. But do we need to be heroes to save others? kyo saves tohru by being kyo. Not the zodiac cat & not the menacing monster. Her heart is saved by him, shown much care & returned back. Mind you, the heart (scarf) is not brand new after the delima. It’s not very clean after being crushed, some marks remain, but these are marks of growth!!! you walk away after hardships carrying minor scars of victory. This scene solidify kyo’s role in tohru’s life as an equal companion. Not a heroic prince charming. It is the little things he does that shows who he is. kyo isn’t abt big soft words, he doesn't say the best things. he is a man of action. His care, love & compassion comes so very easily & naturally to him thro actions. This is what yuki meant by saying he’s jealous of kyo. Yuki over thinks his steps & doubt everything before he acts. Kyo acts spontaneously then doubts himself later. He saves the scarf (heart) then tells her directly to buy another one if she feels it’s not clean. He failed to see how this trivial action meant the world to tohru. Tohru smiles lively cuz her heart is back to her.

Why is the scarf scene so important? (aka furuba’s best usage of symbolism yet!)

It symbolizes tohru’s toxic flaw that she must overcome! It represents tohru’s tormented heart over other ppl’s pain with severe neglect to her own problems & issues. Arisa’s love life shouldn’t be tohru’s delima, nor Akito’s complex or Kureno’s or the damned curse. Tohru toxically chooses to bear other burdens’ until they crush her.

Hana can’t come to save tohru from pain each time tohru indulges in it. Tohru must realize her own flaw & grow up beyond this toxic type of kindness. Feel & help others, but don’t use them to escape your pain & don’t indulge in their own struggles & neglect yourself. There is a reason hana’s knowing of tohru’s pain is thro “magical” waves, to symbolize that this can’t become a norm, not real. You can’t depend on magic to grow. I love that!

The white scarf bearing smudges of the tires even after kyo washed it shows that kyo’s love & care can’t magically heal all tohru’s pain. It parallels kyo’s words from se01, ep,24 when he said tohru didn’t heal all his pain, but he feels better simply cuz she stayed by his side. Tohru now is feeling better cuz kyo chose was there for her. Love doesn’t magically heal you, kids! But it sure puts you on the path! Also, this once again adds more depth to the (tohru/kyo) equal give & take dynamics.

This scene deconstruct the image of Tohru represented as an angelic mother throughout 2 seasons. Instead, It paints her as a real flawed girl with much need for growth. Exactly, like how we have learned by now that kyo isn’t a horrible monster nor a prince charming saving the day, but a flawed boy with much need for growth. However, these two push each other forward in a subtle way through daily situations! Excellent writing!!

-Kureno. (aka. who tohru should never become):

The harmful kindness: Kureno is someone who hurts himself & hurt many others (akito, arisa, shigure, & consequently the rest of the zodiacs) by giving the harmful types of kindness to akito, by completely erasing his own needs, desires & living for the sake of someone who would be far better without him. Kureno is who tohru might have become if she selflessly continues fighting solely for the sohma’s sake & trying to break the curse while ignoring her own life. She’ll become as miserable as kureno & the zodiacs will become dependable on her.

The destructive pity: Kureno pities this tormented child (akito) & chooses to stay with her until her tears dry. This pity is destructive cuz it is done while he wishes to be miles away with Arisa & it encourages akito to stay as she is. Look, a child whose mom hates her deserves pity. But an adult woman needs to learn to build relationships based on mutual affection & respect. This talk of pity reminds me of kyo & kagura. Kagura pitied the cat zodiac. The relationship was doomed cuz kyo refuses pity. It doesn’t matter if her pity turned into love later. Kyo doesn’t want that from her or anyone. There is NO equality there. We know tohru came to love kyo for all the times he was there for her & all the times he pushed her to improve, to complain, to want things! she said so in se01, ep, 24. But we also know that young baby tohru pitied the cat when her mom told her the zodiacs story. what if kyo thinks tohru’s affection is pity???? that’s a big NO for him & for every person. I really want tohru to be as far from any kurno’s traits as possible!!!

-Akito, the pitiful woman:

Akito was born a girl, forced to be raised as a boy by her mother’s demands? where is the father?? she was hated by her mother. why? she also hates her mom. (hate your child & they’ll hated you). So, akito is doomed by her mom. Akito tries to prove that she’s loved by the zodiac “she specified the male zodiacs” interesting! we saw how she hates both Isuzu & kisa & doesn’t give a damn abt kagura. This woman, forced to pose as a man, actually desires to be treated as a woman. As for the other zodiacs:

No worries abt hatori leaving cuz he’s 24/7 attending to her health.

Ayame makes tea exclusively for her & hatori.

she thinks Ritsu is too timid to attempt leaving.

Hiro’s a baby, momiji is hated cuz she can’t break him.

Kyo is destined to be locked. but Why she cares abt the cat anyway?? She publicly hates him & feels disgusted by him.

She used to control yuki but can’t anymore.

she uses intimacy to bound those who “can” leave her the most: kurno! & shigure? she sleeps next to shigure in the valentine ep. hatori remarked: don’t let akito catch cold. We saw the sexually charged rage in se02, ep10. So, she isn’t faithful to kureno. They don’t have a relationship. She doesn’t even have a relationship with shigure, either. to her, sex is a tool to tie them both to her?

It is ironic that the person who said she despises woman & accuses Isuzu of seducing hatori is herself seducing others. Except, tragically, kureno isn’t with her for herself, but cuz he pities her. We saw her slapping & embracing him. Next scene; her bare shoulders & his unbuttoned shirt clearly implies they got intimate which is what akito does to feel secure in kureno not leaving her. Kureno is not even interested in her despite submitting to her advances, needs & orders. He does it out of pity. Truly the most tragic form of physical affection: sex for pity. wow... how tragically pitiful is the abusive ruler of the zodiacs who looms over them & demands respect & eternal bonds. How can she find someone who’ll love her for herself, if she doesn’t learn to show good sides of her? Yuki wasn’t loved for who he is in school, but for being the “prince”, he showed his real character & got himself true friends & soon a lover!!!  Kyo, was feared & pitied for turning into a “monster”, but once he showed his kind & harmless self, he got himself true friends & a girl who loves him for his actual personality! Who will love akito for who she is if she only shows a spoiled child, horrible family head or a pitiful woman? What does shigure love in her? he doesn’t seem to pity her nor pamper her much, does he?  perhaps we’ll know more abt the real akito later.

Side notes:

Akito’s mom reminded me of kyo’s dad. Abused children, who are hated by their parents, don’t let go of the hurt easily. they’ll always try to either get their approval, show them they were worthy of their love, or they’re NOTHING like their parents think they are. eg: Kyo’s biological father’s hate has destroyed kyo. Kyo have kazuma & tohru & he still wonder why they love him. It took kyo 17 years to actually promise to call kazuma "dad” one day in se01 finale. You need time to heal the wounds inflected by the ones who should love you the most. Being loved by others doesn’t magically heal you! You need to take few steps forward.

Isuzu is Ren’s clone! finally understanding why the severe hate from akito towards Isuzu. I’ll wait for more Ren/Akito content before analyzing their relationship.

Ren is so sexy. ngl, the scene of the zodiacs touching her belly after she just *conceived* akito is so creepy~ ew! 

Hana picked up tohru first before kyo, cuz this show isn’t exclusive for romantic love as much as it isn’t exclusive for friendship. There is balance. 

Tohru needs her own future, so does Arisa & hana! Learn to accept the limit of what you can do as a friend, tohru.. forever loving furuba for steering away from “friends stay together forever~yay” anime trope! Furuba is abt independent & individual adult life! building your own future! Epic writing!

Forever fascinated by how much the little small ordinary daily life things has really built kyo-tohru love! It feels so real & very uniquely built! Excellent writing!

Arisa is stuck with an adult man trapping himself in the most unnecessary love triangle. Kureno’s cage is self made, no curse. A very sheltered boy/man not living in the real world. Only two options for kureno if he continues this path: he’ll hurt akito, or akito will hurt him. We know the answer from the trailer, don’t we?

Arisa letting go of kuron is growth! Let go & live, girl!

There is a subtle theme of learning to let go in furuba~

Yuki is the biggest kyoru shipper!

Tohru intentionally hitting kyo with scarf’s pon-pon is my fave side of her! intentional flirting shows change from her little girl’s good girl attitude to her own type of a feisty woman! after all, she’s nearly 18!

The way the camera moved when kyo spotted the scarf was so good!

The director is obsessed with flying!! did he work on attack on titans? cuz the Ren-akito flying fight reminded me of Titan Eren strangling Titan Annie in AOT se01 finale! but chibi version! XD. I’m sorry for akito’s pain, but I was distracted by laughing! XD

look, if you plan to dramatize a situation, know your budget & your skills. Obviously, the director knew the scene is badly done, hence, the wide far away, dim lit shot to hide as much as it can. Couldn’t he do without it? let akito strangle her to the ground without flying!

oh well~these over-the-top shots are now a furuba trade mark~ just praying they stick with one weird shot per season.

[chouetteffraie]

The Inherent Romanticism of Headpats - Why Ship Dazatsu

I was scrolling through the dark corners of bsd tumblr and came across a few “Why I Ship (blank)” posts and thought I’d like to try and articulate my unending love for dazatsu in a similar fashion! Please note that I am in no way trying to steal the spotlight from other ships or trying to claim that dazatsu is “better” - it’s just my favorite and I wanna talk about them! Also, I physically cannot talk about them without a shipper’s bias - I’ve had them in my heart since like late 2016. This is ingrained into my spirit.

So, without further ado, let’s talk about why I ship dazatsu (and why you should too). yes i’m kidding about that last part.

warning for manga spoilers and headers that would make amazing fic titles. tag me if you use one. manga pictures taken from dazaiscans and easygoingscans.

1. The Promise to be Good

hehehe let’s start with maybe the most obvious one that is, arguably, the most canon fact about these two. Just because I choose to view it as romantic doesn’t mean it IS - but it is certainly a beautiful aspect of their relationship and yes it makes me soft every time I think about it.

We all know Dazai’s past and what inspired him to make the switch from the Port Mafia to the side that saves people - Odasaku. No matter what you say, it’s obvious that Oda and Dazai have a very close, meaningful relationship - and arguably, Odasaku had the biggest impact (and the most importance?) in Dazai’s life. When Oda told Dazai to leave the Port Mafia, to go make something beautiful with his life - he did. And it’s those words alone that keep him motivated to stay in his job and help protect the city - because he loves it, maybe, but because someone he loves urged him to.

Dazai, despite what his strange poetry may make you believe, is only human. As much as those words mean to him, he gets discouraged.

Along comes Atsushi, the starving tiger boy by the river. Atsushi is an orphan parallels to oda saving the orphans already, and he was in dire need of someone to save him. So, Dazai did. Whether it was because of the tiger or Odasaku’s last words, Dazai saved Atsushi and gave him life. He provided food, shelter, a means to provide for himself - even companionship. Everything Atsushi has, it started with Dazai picking him up off the riverbed and lugging him along. What’s more, Dazai didn’t just turn him over to somebody else - he presented a case to Fukuzawa to keep him and serves as his mentor. Further along in the canon story, he provides Atsushi with the emotional guidance that he needs (Portrait of a Father, anyone? Let’s cry over that for a second.) He doesn’t just give Atsushi a moment’s care - he helps him build himself up, he supports him, and together, they protect the people of Yokohama.

Atsushi is living, breathing proof that Dazai is living up to his promise to be a good man. Even better, he seems to be perfectly happy with confirming that yes, Dazai is good, whenever Dazai needs it.

In this way, they complete each other. They provide a source of comfort that nobody else has been able to. Atsushi is Dazai’s proof that he is doing the one thing he wants to do, more than anything - be what Odasaku wanted.

2. You Saved Me, We Save Each Other

Keeping that in mind, Atsushi is sort of Dazai’s reward for being good. Now, I’m not implying Dazai is owed Atsushi at all - to an extent, you could argue Atsushi is maybe even too good for Dazai. But Dazai is trying to be a good man, and Atsushi is the one who tells him and reaffirms his efforts and gives him that praise, that recognition, that reward for being good. Dazai’s main inspiration to stay on the light(er) side is Odasaku - but that doesn’t mean that Atsushi can’t become another huge driving force that makes Dazai want to stay on that path. Oda motivates him, gives him the reason to start. Atsushi can be the prize that makes trying worth it when he tends to forget. 

Atsushi saves Dazai. He saves him from his self-doubt, and from the world that gives him every reason to believe he has failed in his promise. If anything, that promise might be Dazai’s strongest lifeline. By reinforcing the line, Atsushi is saving Dazai.

And of course, Dazai saves Atsushi. He did literally save him by the river, and he helps teach Atsushi how to Not Die by virtue of being his mentor, but it’s more than that. Dazai has been the one to save Atsushi from his own mind time and time again. He provides a reason for Atsushi to believe he has (or is) earned/earning the right to live. Atsushi isn’t entirely over his desire to prove himself worthy - but Dazai is always the one to tell him that he has succeeded in his goal. Dazai is the one to say “You’ve proven yourself. You deserve the life you’re living.”

3. You Learn Something New Every Day

As Atsushi’s mentor, Dazai naturally teaches Atsushi things. But beyond the simple strategic battlefield lessons, Dazai has been there for Atsushi multiple times to help him address and begin to overcome his trauma. Sure, some efforts are worse than the others (dazatsu stans just wipe our memories of the train station scene and that’s valid and sexy of us i think.) But in times when Atsushi is clearly distressed, Dazai has been there to help him through it. He’s helped Atsushi sort through his grief, and he’s helped Atsushi start to see that his feelings are valid and that he’s allowed to live a fulfilling life.

Atsushi isn’t the only one learning, though! That’s one of the best parts of the ship - Atsushi teaches Dazai, too. Dazai has spent a long time feeling as though nobody will understand him intimately, or as deeply as Odasaku did. But Atsushi is getting there. He’s one of the closest to it, I think. From saying things like Dazai is a good man, to picking up on Dazai’s feelings at Oda’s grave in Dead Apple, and even the end scene when Dazai asked Atsushi directly if he thought he was a good person and Atsushi said without hesitation “Sure, why?” Atsushi teaches Dazai that he is human. He teaches Dazai that he is capable of feeling and forming close, intimate connections. They help the other learn about the areas they need to, and in both cases, they’re becoming patient teachers and prized pupils.

4. I’ll Listen When Nobody Else Will

Everybody knows how Dazai is often brushed off when talking about dying. People have brought up that the agency just has faith in his resilience, but that doesn’t meant that they aren’t acting without care towards Dazai. Atsushi does this too - in the very first episode, Dazai’s attempt at suicide is just taken with him being exasperated at his antics before pushing him down. But here’s the thing - it’s generally agreed upon that Atsushi is the one who is sent out to find Dazai. Atsushi is the one who knows where to find him. Arguably, Atsushi is the one that will listen to Dazai. He’s becoming the one who can not only pick apart Dazai’s mannerisms and slightest tells - he isn’t proficient, but he’s working on it - but he’s the one that treats them with care.

I’ve spent a lot of time noting similarities between the understanding Atsushi has of Dazai to the understanding Dazai’s truest friend had to him. Here’s one thing that separates Oda from Atsushi, and for me, it’s one of the major reasons why I personally ship one more than the other: Odasaku didn’t push Dazai the way Atsushi does. Both Oda and Atsushi have a way of laying out a field for Dazai to talk and bounce his thoughts off of, no matter how cryptically they come out. But Atsushi asks questions, he prods at the darkest corners of Dazai and he allows Dazai to question himself so he can continue to grow. Where Oda gave Dazai a place to feel comfortable in where he was, Atsushi gives Dazai a space to feel comfortable as he grows, which is what he needs in order to continue being a good man.

And please note, this isn’t me saying dazatsu or Atsushi is better than odazai or Odasaku. What I mean to say is this is where the difference lies, and Atsushi gives Dazai what he needs now - something he might not have needed without Odasaku’s urging to leave.

5. Guiding Light

When two characters are each other’s north star, where is there not romance? Dazai is very much Atsushi’s main source of guidance, a side effect of being his mentor for sure - but it’s more than just asking questions. Their relationship runs deep into Atsushi’s train of thought, to the point where Atsushi hallucinates Dazai’s presence when he feels uncertain. Any time Atsushi needs guidance or reassurance, he looks to Dazai. 

This is more shipper goggle-y, but I like to believe Atsushi does the same for Dazai. I’ve said over and over again that above all else, Atsushi is Dazai’s proof that he is being good. I also like to think that Atsushi, in a way, is a ray of light for Dazai to follow. He’s selfless (although for some reasons that deserve to be readjusted), he’s kind, and he loves life - all life. He’s a sunbeam in action that provides a perfect example for what Dazai could be and is trying to be - and if this light is happy with keeping Dazai close, maybe there’s hope for him after all.

6. What Makes Life Worth Living

Atsushi and Dazai are opposites in once major aspect: Atsushi has a sort of reverence for life, whereas Dazai craves to escape it. These are two major points of their characters - but here’s the kicker. Dazai wants to get close to human emotion. He wants to understand what makes life worth living. Atsushi is quite possibly the strongest candidate to show him what he can do and how loving life can help. I’m not saying that Atsushi is Dazais’ fix-it-all elixir, but he has a good chance to gently prod at Dazai and get him thinking.

Atsushi can show Dazai what makes life worth living. And that’s something that I think would do Dazai a world of good.

7. Can I Change for the Better?

ATSUSHI! INSISTS! DAZAI! IS! GOOD! I will not ever diminish this point because it is so important! Dazai seems to have it in his head that his blood is mafia black, that he can play the charade of a good man but will never be more than an actor playing a part. Atsushi, though - Atsushi is constantly telling him that he is good. Atsushi, who probably couldn’t keep up a lie for that long because the poor boy has zero tact. Dazai even asks Atsushi frequently if he’s a good person, and Atsushi always says yes. Atsushi gives Dazai what he needs to hear.

Atsushi, however, has his own issues. He has his own trauma to tackle, and his own bad habits to reform to become a better person. Atsushi isn't’ a bad person, but he also isn’t the best version of himself. Dazai can help him become that. Dazai can give him the guidance he needs, as he did with sorting through his grief surrounding the headmaster. Dazai can help Atsushi start the battle against his past, and he has been there with him every step of the way, whether in body or spirit. They help each other be better.

8. I Trust You With What I Love Most

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again - the toast they added to the end of season 3 is one of the most tender moments Dazai has ever had with anybody. One thing Dazai never does is let people in on his past - not past the necessary details, anyway, and especially not the intimate moments he holds in his heart. But sharing that toast with Atsushi - inviting him in to the toast he shared with Oda and Ango, “To the stray dogs,” - it’s one of his most vulnerable times on screen. I don’t care what you say. Dazai deliberately letting Atsushi in, giving him this tiny piece of his past he’s had tucked away in a safe place - that was him offering up a piece of his heart. I’m soft just thinking about it again.

Other than that, Dazai has an enormous faith in Atsushi. He’s built entire plans trusting that Atsushi will do his job perfectly the way it needs to be done. Hell, towards the end of the Guild arc, it was his faith in Atsushi to bring the doll down to him that convinced Twain they were beat. Not to mention, Dazai has trusted Atsushi enough to form a new partnership without him in order to protect the city - and if that’s not one of the most blatant displays of trust and faith you’ve seen, I don’t know what is.

9. There’s a Softness Within Me I Didn’t Know I Had

Another thing that’s good for Dazai - Atsushi is comfortable. Dazai can let his guard down, just a tiny bit, around Atsushi, There was the graveyard scene in Dead Apple, or the toast scene at the end of season 3 - those are moments where Atsushi has given himself a moment to relax and show Atsushi how proud he is. This kind of emotion, this vulnerability that says ‘I’ve been hoping you’d pull through and look at how amazing you’ve become’ - there’s a softness that holds that Dazai doesn’t hold for anybody else. It’s a gentleness or pride, of trust, of somebody becoming more than you could ever imagine and coming back to you, even thanking you - it’s a sensation nobody else has given Dazai, because nobody else has been a protege as trustworthy and gentle as Atsushi.

(and, believe me, there’s a hundred other examples of the softness in the anime, manga, official art, and so much more. here’s a thread that you can still add to if you want)

Atsushi is also soft with Dazai. He wants to make him proud, sure, but there isn’t any fear once their job is done. Atsushi doesn’t have to fear horrible repercussions if he makes one misstep - Dazai allows him to learn, to grow, and to feel however he seems fit (or, it’s a skill he’s improving at as the series goes on.)

They give each other a safety to feel vulnerable. They are comfortable to each other. And, of course, they have a special softness for the other that they do not hold for anybody else.

10. My Mistakes are the Cracks You Have a Knack for Fixing

Again, Atsushi is always there to reassure Dazai that he can be a good man. One part of this is that he insist that Dazai’s past doesn’t have to affect his future. He’s one of the only people who tells Dazai that he doesn’t hold him accountable for what he’s done before - he’s Dazai-san now, and that’s what matters to Atsushi. Atsushi gives Dazai the most space to fix these mistakes, to move past them, and to learn from them, not holding them against him at all.

In the same way Atsushi is Dazai’s proof that he’s being a good man, he is also Dazai’s proof that he can fix the mistakes he made. (Of course, I’m not excusing the way he strings anybody along - but the first step to fixing a mistake is admitting you have made one and working on yourself, and that’s what Atsushi allows him to do.)

In conclusion, I think Dazatsu is so soft and amazing because it’s about the healing and acceptance. BSD is all about gray morality, and dazatsu is a soft ship that can take each other’s bad and accept them. It’s not only about seeing the darkest side of somebody - it’s about accepting those flaws but also giving them space to grow. They grow and they learn and they heal together. They ensure that the other never has to go through a drastic change alone. In a way, they can be home for the other, a refuge from the shitty cards life has dealt them and a steady lifeline to reach for a better tomorrow. That’s why I love dazatsu - because I can’t see another situation with nearly as much love and trust as they have. They are tender, they can be vulnerable, and they can heal. 

Like the beautiful sunset hours the met in, they celebrated in, they console each other in, they allow the other to turn the page on their past and start anew, with a clean canvas for a dazzling display that they can make together.

[deejadabbles]

Yu-gi-oh x Avatar:TLA

Been re-watching Avatar the past week and when I searched for it I legit couldn’t find, like, any Yugioh Duel Monster x Avatar The Last Airbender content??? I mean the search feature sucks here so maybe I’m just not seeing it, but, now I have a mighty need for this cross over, so I guess I’ll do it myself! (if anyone knows any other posts about this though please link me to them!)

So first off, Yugi is the Avatar

I don’t care if most think Yami is the main protag it just makes sense to me that Yugi is the Avatar

Much like Aang, Yugi is an airbender, but instead of being raised by a group of monks he was actually raised by his nomadic grandfather, who is also an airbender.

Yugi is basically what everyone thinks of when they think of the stereotypical airbender, he’s intelligent, prefers pacifism, would give a stranger the shirt off his back, fun loving and worldly due to his travels, etc.

On the other hand Grandpa, while kind and not prone to violence, isn’t exactly a “monkly” airbender. He’s way too familiar with gambling halls, tomb raiding, pirating, and pretty much every other seedy side of the different nations you can think of. 

While grandpa definitely toned down those..*ahem* less than virtuous adventures when he started raising Yugi, he did not shield Yugi from these things during their travels. Yugi's safety was always his priority, but he also knew it was important for Yugi to learn to take care of himself if he was going to travel the world.

Plus, I mean, when Yugi beat a pirate captain at pai sho at age 12, and won them an ancient water tribe artifact, grandpa knew his bright young airbender could handle his own.

Oh also, Yugi’s flying bison is a brown fluff-ball named Kuriboh. Kuriboh was the runt of his littler, much smaller than most male bison, but that didn’t stop Yugi from bonding with him almost immediately when they met near the air temple (in fact if probably helped them bond more), and the two are now inseparable <3

Grandpa took Yugi against the wishes of the council in charge of the Avatar. The council wanted to shelter Yugi and deprive him of a normal life (much like the monks wanted to with Aang), but grandpa basically said “F all of you” and took Yugi with him so he could have a fun, free life away from all that...at least for awhile.

When Yugi turned 16 the council tracked the boys down, finally told Yugi he’s the Avatar, and demanded he come with them to finish his airbending training and start learning the other elements.

Yugi was honestly, understandably, pretty devastated, his whole life was being stolen from him in the blink of an eye, but, he’s also heard tales of how important the Avatar is for the world and how people would suffer without the avatar, and he couldn’t handle the idea of letting the world down.

Yugi whet with the council, unknowing of that was about to come.

Okay so for Atem I have two possibilities for his role in this AU that I really like, so I’ll just list them both:

#1 is that Atem was the Avatar before Yugi, born as the son of Fire Lord Aknamkanon. 

He grew up in the lap of luxury, but never took it for granted thanks to his father, the most peaceful Fire Lord the nation had seen in a long time. 

His father dedicated his life to improving relations with the other nations and maintaining peace.

Atem’s uncle, Aknadin on the other hand, was an authoritarian jerk-wad, who thought Fire Lord Aknamkanon weak and unfit to rule the Fire Nation.

You can see where I’m going with this. Aknadin hatched a plan to assassinate both Aknamkanon and Atem, and put himself on the throne, using the death’s of the Fire Lord and Prince as cause for war.

What he did not count on though, was Atem being the Avatar. 

Atem didn’t even know he was the Avatar at this point, they were going to wait until he was 16 to tell him, like most Avatars. Atem had no idea he could bend other elements besides fire, let alone realize he had the power of the Avatar spirit. 

Even still, when Atem was attacked by his uncle’s assassins, and he was on the verge of dying, his Avatar sate kicked in.

Well, not quite. It began to kick in just before Atem was overpowered by the assassins, but not quick enough to save him. You know that whole thing about “if the avatar dies while in the avatar state, the avatar will cease to be”? Well, this was a strange In-Between.

The avatar cycle was not broken, since the avatar spirit wasn’t fully awoken, but now Atem’s soul, that incarnation of the avatar, is in a strange form of limbo.

 It was only 16 years later when the new avatar, Yugi, went into the avatar state for the first time, that his soul was finally brought out of limbo. Only now he and Yugi have a strange bond. Instead of residing somewhere deep inside Yugi’s soul like the other past avatars, Atem seems to be one with Yugi, able to commune with him like a constant companion, and even take over Yugi’s body in times of need.

In this version the new Fire Lord waited years to launch his war, gaining the trust of the other nation while slowly changing and manipulating the ideologies of his own people through propaganda and fear mongering.

Yugi fled the air temple when the firelord finally launched his attack on the air nomads in an effort to kill the new avatar, and during that tramtic ordeal is when Yugi went into the avatar state for the first time and awoke Atem’s soul. 

Now Atem’s main focus is helping train Yugi to save the world from Fire Lord Aknadin, who’s hell-bend on world domination.

 OR!

If the whole “Atem dying in a half avatar state that affected his soul” plot doesn’t work for you, I also think we could just simplify things and say that Atem is a Fire Bender dedicated to helping the avatar defeat the tyrant Fire Lord.

In this version Atem would still be a Fire Nation Prince, whose father was dedicated to peace. Only in this version Atem’s father died unexpectedly, and Atem was deemed too young to take the throne, so they put Uncle Aknadin on the throne in Atem’s place.

Atem watched for years while his uncle slowly, meticulously dismantled all of his father’s hard work for peace and was powerless to stop him. All Atem could do was train, improve his firebending, and hope that he could challenge his tyrant uncle to an agni kai for the throne someday.

During that time Atem also found it hard to hold onto his own morals, as his home was every-changing under it’s new Fire Lord, becoming more and more authoritarian and xenophobic. He became a bit harsher during that time, but deep down still held on to his core belief in peace and mercy that his father taught him.

So, when he found out that Aknadin was making plans to wipe out the Air Nomads, and thus, the new Avatar, Atem had to take action.

He fled the Fire Nation to warn the Air Nomads, and he did manage that, but it wasn’t enough to save everyone. Yugi was still too young to fight an army, or the Fire Lord, he hadn’t even begun to learn waterbending let alone anything else. So, when the Fire Lord’s soldiers attacked the temples, the monks insisted Yugi and Atem flee together, live to fight another day, and become strong enough to fight the Warmongering Fire Lord.

No matter which version of Atem we go with everything else stays virtually the same. In the version where Atem is just the spirit of the previous avatar and Yugi’s guide, the Fire Nation still attacked the Air Temples, hoping to kill the new Avatar, he just waited longer to do this, accumulating support and maybe even some alliances with other nations.  But either way, Yugi escapes (after a LOT of arguing against leaving any one, let alone everyone, behind) so he could start his avatar training and defeat this new threat.

In this AU I believe most of the gang’s time would be spent trying to train Yugi in the next elements, but also avoiding capture by the Fire Nation, who’s put a big bounty on Yugi’s head. They also aren’t sure who to trust, as sides are often picked and alliances formed during wars and they have no real way to know what nation would aid them vs the Fire Nation. Unlike the original ATLA show, this is a new war unfolding before their eyes, not one that’s been known and ongoing for 100 years. 

Now on to the rest of the cast! Honda is a non-bender, but don’t underestimate him, in a world where he constantly has to avoid the Dai Li and thugs who can earthbend, he’s learned to take care of himself. 

Jonouchi is an earthbender, and Yugi actually met both him and Honda while traveling the world with grandpa (before learning he was the avatar). 

Jou and Honda were both street kids who joined the gangs in Ba Sing Se in order to survive. Their fellow thugs tried to mug Yugi, thinking him an helpless monk. Peace-loving Yugi didn’t attack them, of course, but used his airbending to dodge their attacks with ease and grace... and ended up humiliating them all when he blew them into a fountain. 

While Jou was initially against mugging Yugi (even when he was a thug he always went on about facing opponents who at least stand a chance against you, not picking on the weak) after that incident Jou basically made it his life’s mission to make Yugi’s life hell the whole time Yugi and Grandpa were in Ba Sing Se. He’d track Yugi down pretty much every day to harass him, trying to get Yugi to “fight him like a real man” and just generally being a bully. 

Yugi always refused to fight him, even the few times Jonouchi actually landed a hit on him with his earthbending. Grandpa intervened a couple times, but ultimately left it up to Yugi to handle.

Right before Yugi and Gramps made to move on to the next city though, Yugi came across a frantic and injured Honda. 

Turns out Jou spoke out against their gang stealing from a family that was already down on their luck and said thugs decided they had enough of Jou’s mouth and wanted to “teach him a lesson”. Honda tried to stop them and defend Jou, but was overpowered just by sheer numbers.

Yugi couldn’t stand by and let this happen, of course, and together he and Honda found where the thugs had taken Jou. Despite the fact that Yugi still refused to strike a damaging blow on anyone, his and Jou’s opposing bending styles actually worked pretty well together and they were all able to escape.

That was the turning point for both boys, but especially Jou and he finally realized that he mistreated Yugi and that Yugi was someone to be admired, not mocked. They unfortunately did not get a chance to make amends then, however, since Yugi and Grandpa were gone the next day. 

So about a year later, when Yugi returns to the city after escaping the raids on the Air Temples, Jou and Honda are eager to help him and insist on joining Yugi and Atem, “as the avatar’s bodyguards” if nothing else. And despite being against the idea of endangering them, Yugi had to admit he teared up at the mere thought of friends joining him on his journey.

Next, we of course have Anzu, a waterbender, and Mai, a firebender.

Anzi and Mai have a traveling act together. They combined their bending with intricate dances and make a marvel of it, sometimes doing synchronized performances that focus a lot on how their opposing elements can compliment and balance each other, other times they do solo numbers that are just as mesmerizing with Anzu’s captivating grace and Mai’s mesmerizing passion. They also wear full, intricate face paints (or sometimes even masks) while on stage to help keep them from going unnoticed when traveling.

Anzu also knows a bit of healing with her waterbending, and as they travel through towns/cities, Anzu often uses her time between shows helping heal those who can’t afford medicine. Mai sometimes goes on about how ppl will take advantage of Anzu is she isn’t careful, but secretly really admires Anzu’s kind heart.

Don’t ever underestimate these girls though, their bending isn’t just for performance, they can and will kick your ass with their bending and have held their own again a whole crew of highway men. You don’t travel the world without knowing how to defend yourself, especially if you’re women thugs think they can take advantage of.

The boys came across Anzu and Mai soon after leaving Ba Sing Se. The first glance they got at them was one of their shows and were impressed to say the least (Yugi was particularly captivated by the waterbender, like the big-hearted bi-disaster that he is).

What really impressed them though was that night, when Yugi was taking a walk through the town to clear his head. Once again he was seen as an easy target by his “weak” appearance (season 0 anyone?) and some thugs ambushed him. Before he even had the chance to defend himself though, two women came to his rescue, water-whipping and fire-blazing. It didn’t take much for Yugi to put two and two together and realize they were the dancers from the show, and, being thoroughly impressed by their bending skills, he begged Anzu to teach him waterbending.

Anzu was actually interested in the idea from the start, when they heard about the attacks on the Air Temples and the Fire Nation declaring war, she was outraged. Anzu is nothing if not compassionate and all that life being burn away gave her a slowly growing need to take action, and now the avatar himself was asking her to teach him!

Mai on the other hand, wanted nothing to do with Yugi and his “band of do-gooders” and insisted Anzu turn him down. Mai grew up in the Fire Nation during the rise of the tyrant Fire Lord Aknadin, she knows first hand how ruthless his soldiers can be, and sees it as loosing battle to resist them. In her mind, her and Anzu have a good life going for them, why change that to fight a war they aren’t going to win?

The girls argue about this for awhile, to the point that Anzu actually thinks about leaving Mai to go with Yugi without her, despite the idea of leaving Mai behind tearing her up inside.

Then the town they’re staying in is attacked by Fire Nation soldiers. Everyone, including Mai jumps into action to defend the towns people and together they’re able to fight them off. In the aftermath, having the war’s carnage brought right into her lap, Mai sees that the ruler of her homeland has to be stopped and agrees to join the gang too. 

I haven’t thought a ton about the other characters honestly, and I’m especially having trouble placing Ryou in all this, but here are some half developed/misc headcanon:

Seto is a firebender and the son of Fire Lord Aknadin, making him and Atem cousins. 

In the version where Atem is just a regular firebender and not the previous avatar, Seto and Atem grew up together. Atem tried his best to convince Seto to leave with him when he set out to warn the Air Nomads of the attack, but Seto refused, already being drawn in by Aknadin’s power-centric teachings. 

In the version where Atem is the previous avatar and shares a body with Yugi, Seto was only a few years old when his older cousin Atem was “mysteriously killed” and Seto grew up hearing stories from his father about how they could avenge the young prince and the previous fire lord.

In both versions Seto is similar to a Zuko character. He’s sent out by his father to capture the avatar, but eventually he comes to realize what a warmongering monster his father is and turns on the firelord, joining Yugi and the gang. He’s still an egotistical ass though and is basically constantly criticizing the whole gang the entire time he’s with them. The rivalry between him and Yugi/Atem is still there, because of all the times Yugi whipped him with his airbender while Seto was trying to capture him. Also, Seto honestly believes that he’d make a better avatar than Yugi and thanks to @readerinsertfanfiction now I can’t get the thought out of my head that Seto would try to science his way into becoming a second living avatar 😂

I really want to include Mana and Mahad in this AU as well (since they’re my fave side characters) and thought maybe they could also be firebenders who grew up with Atem and were his close friends. Then when the tyrant Fire Lord took over they started plotting behind the scenes and formed a rebellion within the fire nation. (for real could you imagine the version where Atem was killed by his uncle and now an older Mahad and Mana, who’ve been waging a rebellion in the name of their prince and best friend, meet Yugi and can talk to Atem again and how heart wrenching a scene like that would be??)

Another possibility I thought of for Mahad and Mana was that they’re spirits of deceased airbenders who have gained some power in the spirit world. They commune with Yugi and help guide him and even step in to save him a couple times. This idea play more on the whole “Dark Magician/Dark Magician Girl Duel Monsters” side of things. Heck maybe we could do both these ideas since DM and DMG are usually considered separate entities from Mahad and Mana.

Duke/Otogi, I could image being a character similar to Jet (a charmer/flirt, who’s cunning and vengeful, at least at first? Come on I know you can see it) and maybe even having a similar story of tricking the gang into helping him do something horrible in the name of fighting the Fire Nation, then redeeming himself later.

I’m still a little unsure of Ryou’s story in this AU, but, I think I have an idea brewing involving Ryou being a waterbender who’s been processed by an evil spirit. Said spirit is thriving/feeding on the carnage of the war and often takes over Ryou’s body in order to stoke the fires of said war. This could lead to some interesting stuff involving Ryou wanting to join Yugi and the gang, but the evil spirit always stabbing them in the back. The gang, especially Yugi, would see it as a personal responsibility to save Ryou from the evil spirit and Yugi tries to learn more about his spirit powers in order to help Ryou.

I have some more vague ideas floating around my head, but I think that’s it for now. Boy, these are the longest headcanon I’ve had in while lol. I’m really loving the idea of this AU and I’m even really tempted to write an actual series surrounding it. I’d love to hear your guy’s thoughts about any of this or whether all this is even appealing at all. Please feel free to invade my inbox if yall wanna talk about this AU! <3

[originalhybridloverfics]

Bodyguard CH10

A/N: No, your eyes do not deceive you. This is in fact a new chapter. I'm sorry about not updating in what feels like 87 years. I found my way down the Edser rabbit hole and can't find my way back out. I hope you like this chapter.

Felicity looked up as she heard voices and saw Oliver and Digg talking in front of her door.

Her chest tightened at the sight of Oliver.

Over the past few days, she had tried distancing herself from Oliver once she realized her feelings for him were anything but platonic or professional and were growing stronger by the day.

However, it was harder to do than she anticipated. Especially when she was living with him, temporarily, and spent all her time with him.

Still, she did her best to create a distance between them. She made sure whenever they were at the shelter that they were never alone, and when they were at his place, she was careful to not spend any time with him with just the two of them that wasn’t necessary.

She refused group dinners and drinks, she ate breakfast on the go and she kept their talks short and strictly business.

Oliver was persistent of course but she more than held her ground and stuck to her conviction of shutting him out as much as possible.

She knew Oliver didn’t understand why she was pushing him away but she had to do whatever it took to protect herself and right now every survival instinct was telling her she needed to protect every part of herself especially her heart.

Fear was a monster. It was ugly and it was consuming. It crept beneath your skin, shook you to your core, and made you question everything, every decision you make, everyone around you.

It whispered doubts in your head.

Felicity feared the connection between Oliver and herself. It felt stronger every single day he was at her side.

It terrified her.

She was scared that the connection between them would grow strong enough for him to completely break her and she couldn’t shatter again.

It took her forever to pick up the pieces of herself that Cooper had broken.

And even then she was never able to fit her pieces back together perfectly.

Felicity, she was Fractured. Scarred. Damaged.

Oliver deserved better than what she could offer him.

He just hasn’t realized it yet but he will. She was saving them from pain in the long run.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Oliver clenched and unclenched his fist repeatedly, looking toward the door impatiently, sitting on a hospital bed.

He had spent half the day trying and failing to figure out why Felicity was suddenly shutting him out and the other half in the gym, training while John took over being Felicity’s full-time guard. Pair her orders.

Had he offended her in some way? Did his concern for her come across as too overbearing?

God, it bothered him that she was pulling away from him. It was like a sledgehammer was slammed into his chest and the feeling wouldn’t go away.

It was awkward as hell when they returned to his home. Felicity barely spoke a full sentence to him or stayed in a room alone with him for more than five minutes.

If he didn’t know better he would think she was afraid of him but that was crazy.

He would never hurt her. She had to know that, right?

His thoughts were going to drive him crazy.

The door to the room opened and in walked Tommy Merlyn. “When I saw your name in my folder, I thought I was seeing things. You hate hospitals.” Tommy looked his friend over. “You don’t look like you require emergency medical treatment.”

Oliver lifted his hands. “They might be broken.”

Oliver fought to keep a straight face. He knew his hands weren’t broken but he wanted an excuse to come to see his friend when he knew Tommy was busy working in the emergency room in the hospital.

Tommy sent him a doubtful look, setting his clipboard down, he pulled on a pair of gloves and reached for Oliver’s hands inspecting them.

“You have some abrasions, and your hands are pretty banged up but they’re not broken.” Tommy started cleaning the blood from his knuckles and applying a healing and disinfectant ointment. “You want to tell me what you’re really doing here?”

“I needed to talk to someone. I need an outsider’s perspective.” Oliver told him.

“And this couldn’t wait till my shift ended?” Tommy inquired, wrapping Oliver’s hands up.

“It could have but I can’t promise I wouldn’t have gone at least a little bit insane from not talking to someone,” Oliver responded.

“Okay,” Tommy laughed. “If you’re that desperate to talk to someone I can spare a little time. What’s on your mind, Ollie?”

“I’ve been working this new job.” Oliver started.

“The bodyguard job for some client or another.” Tommy supplied.

“Right, “ said Oliver. “Anyway, I met this woman and she’s amazing, she’s beautiful, kind, smart and her strength astounds me and it’s complicated, cause she’s the client,”

“Wait, you’re sleeping with your boss?” Tommy said surprised. Oliver had always taken his job seriously and didn’t like to mix his personal life with his business life.

“No, it’s not like that.” Oliver protested. “We’ve never-”

“But you want to?” Tommy interjected.

Of course, Oliver wanted to. He had to be blind and idiot not to but what he felt for Felicity was more than an attraction. He had feelings for her.

And it was so real for him. Maybe the realist thing he’s ever felt for a woman.

The problem was he didn’t know how Felicity felt about him. He knew she was attracted to him but was that all it was for her? He hoped not.

“I like her a lot.” Oliver finally answered.

“If you don’t care that’s she your boss then what’s the problem?” Tommy inquired.

“I think...I think she might be afraid of me.” Oliver hated having to say the words. He hated thinking it but lately, he felt like Felicity was shutting him out to protect herself. From him.

The notion was a jagged blade twisting in his chest, carving him from the inside. ‘

“Afraid of you?” Tommy repeated incredulously. “You would never hurt a woman.”

“I know that but I’m not sure she does,” Oliver confessed. “She’s been hurt before her.”

“Oh,” Tommy said.

“Oh?” Oliver repeated. “Why do you say it like that?”

“Like there’s more meaning behind that one little word.” Oliver insisted.

“When you say hurt, do you mean physically or emotionally?” Tommy questioned.

“Both,” Oliver said after a moment.

“Then I can see why she’s not open to growing closer with you.” At Oliver’s continued look of confusion, Tommy elaborated. “Women with a history of an abusive relationship have a harder time letting any man close again because the last time they did they didn’t just have their heart broken. In most cases, the woman was hurt, emotionally, physically, and mentally. The physical wounds? Those heal if they’re lucky enough to get out but what stays with them the most are the mental wounds.”

“How do you know so much about this?” Oliver questioned in surprise.

“I’ve seen more than a few women come in here after being tossed around by someone they love since working in the ER for the last two years,” Tommy said. “Your girl, Felicity, if she’s purposely creating a distance between you, pushing you away then it is more than like self-preservation on her part. She’s doing whatever she can to protect herself and being alone is probably the only way she knows how to protect her heart.”

“What am I supposed to do?” Oliver asked.

“First, it’s important, you don’t push her,” Tommy advised. “Second, have a frank discussion about your feelings but you have to take her feelings into account, too. Tell her what’s on your mind, find out if she’s scared of you or of getting hurt, try and reassure as much as you can that you would never push her and finally, let her make the first move.”

Oliver nodded. “Okay,” Oliver grabbed up his coat, pulling it on. “Tommy, do you still get women coming in here recently who have been abused.”

“All the time,” Tommy admitted sadly.

Oliver pulled out his wallet and pulled out the business card for the shelter. “Give this to any of the abused women that come in here. It’s a place that can help them. They’ll be protected. Give them a chance at something better.”

Tommy accepted the card. “Do I want to know?”

Oliver patted his friend on the chest. “Thanks for the advice, Tommy.”

“Anytime, now get out of here. I have real emergencies to tend to.” Tommy walked out of the room, calling over his shoulder that a nurse would be in shortly with his discharge papers.

Oliver decided he wasn’t going to wait around for that and walked on out. He had a strategy forming in his mind, now he needed to get a plan together and make it happen.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Felicity was surprised when Oliver called asking for the rest of the night off but she allowed calling in one of the recruits to fill in for him.

She wasn’t sure what he was doing but it wasn’t her business what he did with his free time or what he considered important to take time off work for. It didn’t stop her from being curious about it, though.

She didn’t even know if he would be home when Digg drove her back to the apartment at the end of the day.

She said goodnight to Digg who walked her to Oliver’s door and didn’t leave till Felicity was safely inside using the key Oliver had given her.

Felicity shut the door and locked it behind her. Oliver didn’t have one of those state of art security systems which she knew because he believed he was his own security system. Who better to defend his home than himself.

“Oliver?” Felicity called out, walking into his living room. She tossed her bag on the couch took off her coat, throwing it over the back of the couch. She held onto the back as she toed off her shoes.

The smell of food filled the apartment, a delicious aroma that made her stomach grumble with hunger.

“In the kitchen,” Oliver called out.

Felicity walked into the kitchen to find the counter, set nicely for dinner as Oliver set a pan he pulled from the oven in the center, followed by a pan of bread.

“Did you make us dinner?” Felicity asked in surprise.

“I did,” Oliver smiled at her. “And I got you this,” Oliver turned and pulled out a bottle of wine from a container of ice. “Red is your favorite, right?”

“It is.” Felicity felt a flutter in her stomach, a light feeling spreading across her chest. “You didn’t have to do all this for me.”

“I wanted to,” Oliver said, voice soft. “Sit please, everything is almost done.”

Felicity took the seat and watch him move around the kitchen a quiet smile on her lips, momentarily forgetting that she was doing her best to avoid him.

Sometimes the pull to him was just too strong to resist. Like right now.

He was always so at home in the kitchen. There was always this weight he carried on his shoulders, this alertness about him like he was prepared to be attacked at any moment, it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing since it was his job to be ready to fend off an attack but it made Felicity want to pull him in her arms and tell him it was okay to let his guard down sometimes.

That need to assure him everything was fine always left a flash of fear behind. She shouldn’t feel this away about him.

Watching him now, it was like all of that weighed him down and kept alert fell away and she got to see Oliver the man and not Oliver Queen the bodyguard.

“How everything go today? Any new problems?” Oliver asked as he set the table with their filled plates.

“No new problems,” Felicity answered as he poured them some whine. “What did you do today?”

“Let off some steam, visited my friend Tommy, I believe I’ve mentioned him a few times.” Oliver took the seat across from her.

“You did,” Felicity confirmed, she lifted the glass of wine to her lips, tasting the liquid on her tongue, she hummed quietly to herself. “He’s a doctor right?”

Oliver nodded, taking a bite of the bread he made. “He is. Works in the ED.”

“This is the same Tommy from Thea’s stories?” Felicity asked. “Because I gotta say I was still expecting to be more of a wild card.”

“He’s both.” Oliver gave a small laugh. “He’s serious when he needs to be but he lets out that other side of himself after a few drinks but he’s a good man.”

“Much mike yourself,” Felicity said, taking a bite of her food.

Something warmed in Oliver’s chest that Felicity believed him to be a good man. That had to help his case in the larger scheme of things. He opens his mouth to reply but snapped it shut, listening as a sound of pleasure escape Felicity’s lips.

Her eyes were closed as if she was savoring the taste and there was a flush to her cheeks that wasn’t there before, her tongue darted to chase the taste on her lips.

He tightened his hand on his fork as desire shot through him, wanting to hear the sounds she was making, the look of pleasure on her face for a different reason, involving him, and absolutely zero clothing.

Felicity’s eyes fluttered open slow. “Wow, that is really good. I know I said before I really didn’t expect you to be such a good cook. It’s like dining at a five-star restaurant.”

Oliver laughed. He knew his cooking was good but it wasn’t that good. “You don’t have to flatter me, Felicity.”

“This is not flattery, it is fact,” Felicity argued, pointing her fork at him warning him. “Don’t knock what I say. If I say it's the best meal I had in years then it is.”

Oliver held his hands up in surrender, a carefree smile pulling at his lips. “Got it, it’s utterly delicious.”

“Exactly,” Felicity took another bite, her eyes closing as she savored the food.

Oliver wasn’t sure if he was turned on by her utter enjoyment or amused that she was so vehement that it was as good as she thought.

Oliver spent most of the meal just gazing at Felicity, enjoying just being in her presence. Felicity excluded this light and he felt it cut through his darkness.

Felicity offered to clear the table and do the clean-up. Oliver was quick to tell her she didn’t have to, he would take care of it but Felicity insisted in the end they compromised and ended up, doing it together.

“So, I was thinking that tomorrow I was going to go out and look for something bigger for everyone to move to, I figured I take you and Digg with me. I could use both of your expertise because we want somewhere that’s fortified, somewhere that’s big, something that can give them home and not feel like they're being locked away for their safety.”

“We can have Slade looked after everyone while we’re out.” Oliver agreed as they washed dishes. “I think I might have an idea about where we can look. I need to make some calls first.”

Felicity place the last dish in the cabinet and dried her hands. “Really? That’s great. The sooner we find somewhere the better.”

“I agree,” Oliver said. “Now that we have business out of way, I was hoping we could talk.”

“Talk about what?” Felicity's brow furrowed.

“I know things have gotten a bit tense between us,” Oliver began, turning toward Felicity, he took her hand in his and stepped closer. “I know you think I’m being over-protective but that’s not it, it’s more than that. This job isn’t a job for me. I want to protect you, I want to help people. it’s who I am.”

“I know,” Felicity nodded, looking up at his earnest blue eyes. “Who you are is why I feel like I can trust you and trust isn’t easy for me. I trust you more than I thought was possible.”

But still, there were things she would never trust in a man again. It wasn’t Oliver's fault. It is what it is.

Oliver copper her cheek and his warmth soaked into her skin, making her feel at home. “Do you trust that you mean more to me than a job?”

Felicity’s heart skipped a beat in her chest. “Oliver,” she whispered. She didn’t think he would address this thing between them so head-on.

Oliver fell to the look in her eyes, the way she said his name. Like a prayer.

He closed the distance between and pressed his mouth to Felicity’s. He felt her tense, her body freezing up and he cursed himself.

He shouldn’t have done that.

But then suddenly, he felt Felicity’s lips pressing back against his.

He pulled back to look into her eyes, see her reaction.

Her cheeks were flushed, eyes bright.

“Felicity,” he whispered, voice low.

Felicity surged forward grasping his face in her hands and pulled his mouth back to hers.

Oliver groaned, he wrapped his arms around, pulling her flush against his front.

She was so small in his arms but so perfect, he licked at the seam of her lips. His tongue sweeping inside when she opened for him, tasting her mouth as her hands fisted his shirt and smooth up his arms, gripping his biceps.

He secured his hand across her waist and lifted her, sitting her on the counter.

He tilted her head back deepening their kiss, pulling her hair free from her ponytail and running his hands through her long strands.

Felicity’s hand moved over his back, hiking her legs up to wrap around his waist, pushing him closer.

Her hands dove into his hair, beneath slipping beneath his shirt. He didn’t care that her fingers trail across his skin. All he could think about was her skin pressed against his, her hands exploring her body.

He slipped one hand beneath her shirt, her skin was soft as he slid up her ribs, and gripped her pulling her forward and grounding his hips against her, desiring shooting through him.

Felicity gave a gasp and then she was placing her hand on his chest and pushing him back. “Stop, we can’t do this.”

Her words like ice on his skin. He stopped immediately, removing his hands from her body. “Felicity, I-”

“We can’t do this,” Felicity repeated, she pushed at him again and he took a step back giving her the space she wanted.

Felicity jumped down from the counter and ran her hand through her hair. “This can’t happen, Oliver. It’s important that we keep this professional.”

Oliver could see the way her hand shook, and how she avoided looking at him. Everything inside of him was telling him that she was scared. Scared of feeling something for someone? Scared of feeling something real. Scard to give her heart to someone again.

“I don’t think I can do that. It’s hard to be professional when you want to be with someone.” Oliver said, wanting Felicity to know how he felt. “I feel like we’ve been skirting around the attraction between us and I’m tired of pretending that I don’t have feelings for you.”

Felicity shook her head. “Oliver, you don’t know what you’re saying.”

“Yes, I do. I know how I feel about you and no one can tell me what I feel. I think I know my own heart.”

“You don’t want me, Oliver,” Felicity felt tears gather in her eyes but she refused to cry. “I’m damaged. I won’t ever be good for you. You are amazing and can do so much better than someone who still has nightmares about a piece of shit ex.”

“Don’t talk about yourself like that,” Oliver said vehemently. “You're the most amazing woman I have ever known. You're beautiful and smart and resilient and have a strength inside of you that I have never known, Any man in the world would be lucky to have you. I want to be that man.”

“No, you don’t.” Felicity shook her head and took a step away from him.

Oliver wanted to pull her closer but it was clear by the way she wrapped her arms around herself she didn’t want to be touch in any way and he was going to respect that.

“I get it you’re scared, you’ve been heart in ways I can’t imagine, you were betrayed by someone you loved and nothing I say will change that but you don’t have to be afraid of me. I would never hurt you. I would rather die than to ever see you hurt let alone be the cause of your pain. Please, don’t turn away from this because you're scared I’ll be like him. I could never be like him.”

Felicity’s heart clenched painfully. Oliver’s words while meant to be reassuring were the opposite. He was making very clear how deeply he cared for her and it only made this harder for her.

“I know you won’t hurt me.” Felicity's voice shook with the effort not to cry, to stay strong. “I know you’re not like Cooper but I can’t let you get close. I can’t care about you so much that I let you have power over me.”

If Cooper taught her anything it was love meant having power over someone and she couldn’t let that happen again no matter what she felt for Oliver.

“I can’t do it.” Felicity felt herself breaking inside and was becoming increasingly difficult to keep it together. “I won’t.”

Oliver shook his head. Love wasn’t having power over someone. It was giving yourself to someone, it was caring for someone, it was putting their wellbeing and happiness before your own. It was trusting them with all you have. Your heart, your body, your soul, everything that made you who you are.

“I don’t want to have power over you, Felicity,” Oliver said earnestly. He needed to be open with her but he also had to let her make the choice of what happened next. “I want to be your strength. I want to be the pillar that holds you up when you need some help. I want to be the person you turn to but more than anything I want to love you and I want you to let me.”

His words were so beautiful and God, Felicity wanted to let Oliver be all those things but she couldn’t. “I’m sorry but I can’t. I just can’t.” She could no longer keep her tears in as they slide down her cheeks. “I’m sorry.”

A/N: I hope you like the chapter. The next Olicity update will be I Can't Let Her Die.

Thank you to everyone still here, reading my fics even though I take forever to update.

Tags: @mariestark @memcjo

Sorry about the lack tags but I lost my tag list for this story and can't remember all who wanted to be tag for this. Feel free to remind me if you want to be tagged so I can create a new list accordingly.

[fuckingdeadbutroyal]

Jasonette July- Soulmate AU- Part 4

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5

!Season 3 spoilers coming right ahead!

A tiny sigh escaped Maris lips as she felt her body filling up with energy. “He ate. I think I’ll be fine in a few”, she told her partner, who was currently swimming next to her. She hadn’t dared to detransform for a day now, knowing that doing so would mean her finally collapsing. The duo hasn’t been wasting time, though. Theyvwere trying to come up with a new plan. Ladybug told him all about her being the new Guardian of the Miraculous, about Chat Blanc and Bunnix. Pointed out how if Bunnix hasn’t turned up yet, that meant that they could handle the situation. Explained why she wouldn’t dare share her identity with him, even though she wanted to, because of how she couldn’t afford to risk him turning into Chat Blanc again. Ladybug told him about her soulmate. Now he finally understood how she had such incredible stamina and... had a hard time agreeing to the two of them staying as nothing more than friends.

Adrien did not disregard their friendship as something unimportant. Knowing that he was Ladybugs best friend and feeling that she was just as well his... best friend, his partner, the person he could rely on the most. It was amazing, unique and so very very important to him.

That didn’t mean he wasn’t hurt, though. He loved her and she liked him, they both knew that. It just was never enough. Not for Adrien.Now was not the time to grieve his broken heart, though. He was used to suppressing his emotions due to Hawkmoths terror. He could keep it together for a little longer.

Now that all their cards were laid out on the table, they were ready to come up with a plan.

“Look. I can’t cast my cure while the akuma is still out there. Creation doesn’t work with destruction working actively against it.”, Ladybug told Chat who, though currently detransformed as Adrien, winced. The word “Destruction” has already intergrated itself as a trigger, setting off a bad reaction in the teenagers mind. Plagg did not like that in the slightest. “Kid, you’ve gotta get it together. Yes I am the god of D-Trigger, but I’m also the God of Chaos and let me tell ya, I can’t sense a hint of chaos on that dusty dirtbag out there.” Adrien smirked, a drained, sarcastical smile forming on his lips. “Are you trying to tell me I have another power you’ve just forgotten to mention?” 

The heroes knew they still weren’t off age and therefore didn’t have access to their full potential. That didn’t stop hope from lighting up in the backs of the duos hearts. They already couldn’t use the other Miraculous power, since all of the previous Miraculous holders were eliminated on day three, due to Hawkmoth already knowing their identities (thanks to what he had done on heroes day two years ago) and him finding the civilian heroes’ hiding places before Ladybug and Chat Noir could even locate their presence in Paris. Searching for new holders was clearly not a good idea. They couldn’t risk throwing someone inexperienced and terrified into a battle they didn’t know how to win yet.

But if Chat could use a new power? 

That would be the element of surprise they needed! Adriens 18th Birthday was just around the corner, there's a chance it could work!

"Nah, he's not in the right condition to try, too young and way too exhausted"

Bye bye little flame of hope.

"But if you were to get some ACTUAL sleep and eat some fucking food? You would totally make it."

"Wait what?", Marinettes eyes were the size of asteroids. They had a chance! She just had to get him to one of those bunkers so he could get some sleep and then..."Then we'll have to go without it. I'm not leaving you alone milady."

Oh, yeah, there was that tiny detail she had forgotten. The two of them were too protective of each other to leave their partner to their own devices and Ladybug entering any building was not an option.The girl let out a frustrated huff, "Cha-" "I understand what you mean, Ladybug.”, Adriens voice was solid and left no room for argument. Batman would have been proud. “But this is not up to debate. I'm not leaving you alone, not while you are in this state nor during any of our battles. It has never ended well in the past and it sure as hell won't end well now."

Plagg' and Maris' annoyed sighs were absolutly identical, which would've made Adrien laugh, if it weren't for their current situation. He knew he was right, though, and he knew she did as well.

Mentally, Marinette was feeling better. Less on edge, more focused. It was surprising to all of them. Of course she still was incredibly tired, even more fatigued than yesterday, which was understandable since she has not slept for about a week now and spent most of her time swinging around Paris, thinking her head off and crying her eyes out while trying to save as many civilians as possible. Nontheless, even though her body was about to shut down, her brain was working at a thousand miles per hour. She knew it was thanks to her soulmate, who was currently fueling the both of them by ingesting loads of energizing substances and getting closer.

Marinette was now certain her soulmate was a man. He was in Paris, in danger and aware of her dependance on him.

Who could he be? How did he get here? Why now? Why hasn’t he ever tried to find her before? 

She didn’t judge him, of couse. Did not expect him to put everything aside just to find her. Who if not Ladybug could understand what it meant to have duties holding you back, chaining you to the ones who claim to love you? (While they only do so because they need her, Marinette believed. Paris didn’t actually love her, no-one cared about her wellbeing unless it was important for their safety. No-one would jump into fire for Ladybug if they wouldn't trust her to sacrifice her sanity to resurrect them. No-one has ever jumped to rescue Marinette in her civilian identity, after all.)

Marinette was spiralling. Memories and repressed emotions suddenly jumping to the surface, reminding her of all the ways she had offered her very self to help anyone in need and receiving nothing in return. She had people who were nice to her, she had friends and family and people who loved her for who she was. Sadly, Mari only just now realised that love wasn't enough. It has never been enough. She would spend many nights awake, working on gifts and projects and helping her friends out or even just simply entertaining them over the phone. What for? Why?!

"Marinette is a saint", her parents would say, "She can do anything." Mari knew that wasn't true. She wasn't almighty. She couldn't even say "No".

That’s where the spiral came to an end. All those thoughts were standing at a cliffs edge, staring down into the abyss right beneath their feet. A tiny step forward, a minimal lean in and she would fall. Where would she go? What would she encounter? Was it okay to do this? Was it okay to change?

For once, Mari felt sure of herself. In a place she would've never thought she'd be, swimming under a god damn Ladybug themed boat in the middle of the Saine. Her mind was clear, certain. She opened her eyes and her mind jumped.

"Well fuck no I can't always do everything.", Mari heard Ladybugs voice, only partly recognizing it as her own.

The black cat duo next to her winced, having been discussing the topic of whether or not Adrien could leave Ladybug alone for a few hours. Not at all have they been expecting the sudden change in the star of their argument.

"Bug...?"

She looked at him, face straight but full of rage. Eyes sharp but full of thought. She didn't need to look around to figure out how to use her lucky charm, instead she had a horrible, unstable and unfinished plan she was absolutely going to follow.

"I have an idea."

------------------

Hawkmoth was nervous. The akuma was stronger than he had expected and definitely much harder to control. He hasn't yet decided whether or not it was a good idea to akumatize a homeless man, especially considering his educational history in architecture and geography.

It was like the Akuma was thinking, not just feeling like all his previous ones did. It could either mean victory or the literal end of the world. Gabriel was hoping for the first option, of course.

Another reason for his nervous state of mind, were the unexpected members of the justice league, who for whatever reason just now decided to enter the battlefield. He hasn't been expecting them anymore, once the first year of his reign had passed without a droplet of attention from Gotham and the rest of the world. If they've never cared before, why now? Did they suddenly have more free time or did they only just realise they were literal vigilantes and could therefore ignore any and all international borders?

Or was Hawkmoth finally on the right track, finally about to win so they sent the last of their forces to come and save his enemies? A grin split his masked face in a horrifying grimace. His secret weapon was still leashed, still waiting for his order. Agreste Senior had the upper hand, this was his time to shine, his time to win.

Finally.

----------

Much clearer air seeped into Jason's lungs. He even went as far as removing his mask, just so he could properly breathe in something that wasn't poisoned with a literal mist of dust and the stench of death. His heart, no, their hearts were beating faster. Jason stood right by the river. He felt the cold water numbing her legs and reaching for her throat. He felt her dizzy fatigue and her clenching stomach. He knew her thoughts were just as clear as his. It felt as though their minds were finally complete, as if their brains could finally grasp the whole situation. Their body's were so close, they could finally function the way they were meant to. Together, helping one another.

"Red Robin. I found her. The boats are meant for shelter, the akuma can't come out in the open and it’s afraid of water. The heroes must be somewhere underneath those fat kanus."

"Copy."

"I'm going in."

"Hood wai-"

Jason was already underwater, hearing but not listening to Tim's voice.

Red Hood was about to find his Red Lady and no one could stop him.

-------------

Marinette had just finished explaining her plan to Adrien, who was now transformed and ready to move, when she felt it. "He's here.", was all she could muster. Chat didn't have to think twice to guess what she had meant and subconsciously started to brace himself. He couldn't help but think that now really wasn't the time for her soulmate to interrupt. They were at war, which meant that her uninvited lover was putting himself and Ladybug at risk. Risking her safety meant risking Paris safety which meant that over all, Adrien felt like they were being royaly fucked by the Kwami of Timing.

The Duo felt the water underneath their feet moving. (The rivers flow has been stopped right at the beginning of the akuma battle. It was a safety precaution the mayor has ordered after a particularly unpleasant spread of akuma poison. Now, whenever the Akuma-alert went of, the city shut down, sealed shut and closed up. Not a single soul could enter and not a single twig could leave.

The heroes had formerly agreed to that being a great idea, now that they were short on everything, though... let's say they have learned that isolation wasn't always the best solution to their problems.)

Ladybug felt him before she heard him, a weird sense of Deja-vu overcoming her.

He came up behind her. Her spine felt like it was buzzing with electricity.

"Pixie?"

Jason didn't know why he called her that, but it sure as hell felt right.

Another shiver went down their spines. Marinettes reaction caused by her soulmates voice, while Jason's body just seemed to mimic hers even more intensely now.

She turned around.

Their eyes met.

Their scars felt like they've lit up in flames.

Two sleeping bodies were sinking towards the floor of the river Saine.

--------------------------------------

Hey ho, friendioh

I am so tired, my eyes are so done, je suis juste come Jasonette in my story.

You comments though? I LOVE YOU. Thank each and every one of you lovely message-leavers, my heart is now full of love and excitement and it’s your fault!

I can’t stress this enough, your feedback is shooing my depressay far far away.

Now back to the content. I am not finished yet, there’s more coming and the end is still uncertain, even to me. I have my plotline and my scenes, but this story has kind of started writing itself (which in my opinion is what makes writing so great). So I guess we’re all looking into a future just as uncertain as Dukes vision :)

My taglist has grown! Message me if you are interested in joining that cute group you are about to read the names of, I’ll be happy to add you ^^

Tag List \o/

@maribat-is-lifeblood @lokilex @amayakans @readingismyoxygen 

Thanks for reading ^^

[drazzilder]

A Hellish Encounter

By Drazzilder 

Chapter 43: Hero Charts

It’s now been a few months since the All of One incident. The public still doesn’t trust you even though you do your best to save as many people as you can. It has gotten so bad that even Enji is starting to receive some of the hate for abusing his family even though he has clearly changed. Some of the citizens would even tell you they want another hero to save them but you still do what’s right. At the end of each day, you go home after hero work feeling defeated but you continue knowing it’s the right thing to do.

The Hero Billboard Chart JP is starting and you are getting nervous. You don’t care about your own ranking, at this point your thinking you’re near the bottom because how people perceive you. Endeavor’s ranking is more important to you, you still want him to be the Number 2 hero but your worried you’re brining him down. He says he doesn’t care about that anymore but you still want him to be the best he can be.

“I hope you keep your spot, Enji.”

“Don’t worry about it, I don’t even care about it anymore. I just care that you’re here. I know it has been rough on the both of you for the past few months.”

Standing behind both of you “We will be fine. I just wish we could find that video. I know you have been trying but I don’t think we are going to find it.”

“Every lead comes up dry. I asked the United States government myself, nothing. All Might has even been looking but nothing. I’m sorry I can’t help any further.” He says as he pulls you close with one arm.

“I know, thank you. Don’t worry about it… now shhhhh; it’s starting.”

The ceremony starts as they begin with an opening statement and the list of heroes gets announced. They start with number 10 and begin working their way down to 1. As each hero gets announced, your heart starts racing more and more. At the number 2 spot, your about to pass out from nervousness when they call Enji’s name. You sigh with relief as he walks on stage but there are boos from the crowd. You feel for him but you know he can handle it. All Might is then called to be the Number 1 but when he walks on stage, something is different. He is in his small form, something the public has never seen before. The whole country is in shock as they see All Might walking out in his hero suit. He takes the microphone and looks at the crowd.

“Good afternoon. I know this might come as a shock to all of you. It may not look like it but I am All Might. This is what I normally look like outside of hero work. I am showing this to you all because I am retiring.” The crowd collectively gasps as Enji looks to All Might in shock himself.

“Please, let me explain my reasoning. I believe there is a hero that can replace me. I know some of you might be thinking Endeavor but I have someone else in mind. Hellboy, please come on stage with Zaheer.”

You look at All Might with eyes wide open. You are in total shock from what has transpired in front of you that you didn’t hear his command. Zaheer teleports both of you on stage next to All Might. The crowd becomes loud again with boos and disapproval. All Might raises his hand to silence the them before he speaks.

“I know you all must be thinking I am crazy, but I want Hellboy to be the number 1 hero, he deserves it more than anyone. Before you cast judgement or begin to doubt my decision, I have something to show you. Dr. Lisa, the video of you don’t mind.” “

“Dr. Lisa?” You say as you turn to see her walking towards you with Jason and Greg. You rush over to them and hug them. “YOU’RE ALIVE!” You practically scream with your racing emotions.

Jason: “We heard you were having a rough time so we came to help.”

(Y/N): “What?”

Greg: “We heard about Adam.”

(Y/N): “I’m sorry I couldn’t find you. I was so worried about you every day.”

Jason: “Its ok, we understand. We know your happy now.”

“As much as I would like to have a family reunion right now, we have to show the crowd this tape. Everyone, please watch this video.”  Lisa says as she walks towards All Might.

The screen behind you flickers and a video starts playing. It is the video, or combination of tapes, of you saving everyone at the stadium. You are clearly in frame talking over the microphone to the crowd and saving everyone. Every event of that day seems to have been recorded, even you coming back to the shelter and dying in Adam’s arms. Once the video stops, you look back to the audience in front of you; completely still with deafening silence.

“You see, Hellboy has been saving people for a long time. That was when he was only 29 and still on the run from the United States when he took action to safe those in need. He didn’t care about the consequences, he died saving everyone. A true hero will sacrifice themselves in order to save those in trouble. I can’t think of a better replacement for me.” All Might then looks at you and hands you the microphone. You look out at the crowd and freeze, unsure of what to do next. Then you feel a pressure on both of your shoulders, Enji and Zaheer each have a hand on you to support you, to encourage you.

“Thank you All Might. I know many of you still don’t believe in me. Maybe that video changed your mind, maybe it didn’t. But what I can tell you is that I am going to work day and night trying to save everyone that I can. I am a hero. I know my powers come from a dark place but that doesn’t matter, how I was raised doesn’t matter, what matters is how I act. If All Might is willing to leave hero work because I am here, that should say something. Let me prove to you all what I am capable of.”

The room is quiet again. Your heart starts to race wondering if the all of this was for nothing until one person starts clapping. It’s Midnight. She stands and proudly looks at you while clapping loudly. Then more join in the clapping and more and more until the room is fulling engulfed in the sounds of clapping and cheering. You smile and look at Zaheer who also is smiling. Enji turns you around and pulls you close. In the heat of the moment, he kisses you on the lips. The crowd cheers even louder at this as you pull away. “I love you, Enji.”

“I love you too, (Y/N).”

The rest of the day was filled with excitement. The kids were home getting a small party ready, it was for Enji’s hero placement but they quickly tried to change everything to celebrate the both of you. You got to say goodbye to Jason, Greg and Lisa before they had to go. You will miss them but you understand they didn’t want to be in the public eye. You now have contact with them and they said to visit every so often. Back at the house, you are enjoying being with your family, laughing and smiling almost the whole day. You disappear for a while until Enji noticed and calls for Zaheer to take him to you. He finds you’re at the beach watching the sunset, the same beach you always go to. He just looks at you until the sun completely sets. You turn to him and he goes red with embracement realizing he was staring at you. You pat the ground next to you, signaling him to sit down and wrap his arm around you. Zaheer then sits on the opposite side to wrap his arm around the both of you.

“You know the sun always reminds me of you.

“Why is that?”

“The sun is always so warm and bright, always there when we need it, just like you.”

“And I’ll will always be there for you…. Are you ok? You have been here a while.”

“Yea…I’m just thinking.”

“Don’t worry about being number, I wouldn’t want anyone else to be ahead of me.” He says as he kisses you on the cheek.

“I’m not thinking about that. I know you said no more secrets but there is one last one I need to tell you.”

“That’s alright, you’re telling me now.”

“You know I am basically a demon now, right?”

“Yes.”

“And I have the powers of a demon, teleporting, speaking different languages, and more.”

“Ok? Is there a new power?”

“Not exactly. When I accepted the power fully, I accepted my greatest fear.”

“What are you saying?” Enji says raising an eye brow.

“I’m immortal now.”

“Ok? That’s your greatest fear?”

“Not exactly, my greatest fear is watching everyone I love die around me. It’s not a matter of if but when. And I can never see you in the afterlife. I’ll just be here alone watching the world go by as I slowly lose everyone I care for.

“I’m so sorry (Y/N), I wouldn’t want to wish that on anyone.”

“But there is something I can do. If Zaheer separates from me fully, I will die.”

“I know, but why?”

“When you pass away, I want to stay here long enough to make sure our children are ok. After that, Zaheer and I have agreed to separate so you are not alone.”

“I would wait for you no matter how long it takes.” He rests his chin on your head as he pulls you closer. “I just have one question. Do you know where we will end up?” He says looking at Zaheer.

“I cannot say for sure but I know down is not in the cards for you both.”

“What about Zaheer, he will be here by himself?”

“My last secret is that I am a demon, well… not fully.”

“You are half angel, aren’t you?”

“Wait, how did you know, Enji?”

“All for One and Brilron said something about you being a misfit and with the book Rei gave us, I did some research. No demon has gold hair or casts golden spells. Other spirits never bothered you when we went to temples so you had to be different.”

“My father was demon and my mother was an angel. I was a forbidden child, something either side didn’t want. That is why I didn’t have a name; I was abandoned by my parents. I guess All for One knew that when he found me wondering alone on this world. He treated me well for a while then he started those experiments. The only reason I ever wanted to take over someone was to kill him. This is also why I have more power than other demons, being a combination of the two gives me the powers of both. I only look like a demon because I take more after the demon side, red skin and horns…”

“It explains why you act so much different than any other demon. But why did the demonic energy try to take me over so much?” You say snuggling into him.

“My spells and curses come from my mother’s side but are fueled by the demonic energy from my father. That type of energy naturally wants to take over people. It’s only because I’m half demon that we can control it as well as we can. If I was fully demon, you would have lost control a long time ago.”

“Makes sense to me.” You say looking up at him.

“But it does mean I should be able to go wherever you both go. It might take some time but I can make it work.”

“I know this is a lot for you take in Enji, please understand I am telling you this now so it’s not a shock later.”

“I kind of figured something like this might happen. I know you’re going to be ok; we are going to be ok. Just promise to not leave too early, please protect our children.”

“Of course, I will. I love them so much.” You then pull Enji’s glasses off and kiss him on the lips for what feels like forever.

“Do you think Rei and Adam are waiting for us?” Enji asks looking into your eyes.

“I do, I know they are waiting, however long it takes.”

“Come on, let’s go home. I bet kids are getting worried.” Enji says as he gets up. You get up and hug him tight followed by Zaheer and all of you disappear into the night.

The End

Thank you to all of my readers!

Special Thanks to:

@stormcallart for her art for the cover

and

@frenchbreads-writing for some of the ideas used in the story

[rrickgrrimes8]

Normality is Death

Chapter Seven ~ One of The Infected

masterlist

For Jacey, it felt as if the camp was at 10x speed. She couldn't tell if that was the norm for them but either way, it threw her into a state of discomfort. She watched as a small group of the adults assembled close to where the blonde woman still cried over her sister. 

Her parents had pushed her away every time she attempted to go over, which she understood but it still hurt, she just got her family back and they won't even stay around her for longer than a second except for Carl of course. 

Carl had yet to withdraw his hand from his older sisters, which Jacey didn't mind at all. She knew that she missed her brother while separated but not to the extent she felt right now. 

Another thing she knew as well is that she'd have to leave soon. It pained her to say but she already had a home and that just wasn't with her parents, not anymore, it was with Addie and Mitchell. Now she just had to summon the strength inside her to tell her family. 

Jacey could hardly breathe due to the rotting flesh of the dead, it seemed she was the only one affected by it or rather the only one who couldn't hide it. Earlier, she had heard a commotion from the Korean that saved her and Addie a day earlier about the importance of burying the dead and to not treat them like those things. She couldn't agree more with what he was saying but it still hurt her thinking about it. No, she didn't know any of the people that died or if they deserved it or not but she couldn't stop her mind from wandering to the idea that if she hadn't shown up when she did her father would have the bury her mother and brother as well. For that reason alone she wanted to stay, just to protect them but she knew she had other people to protect, people that didn't abandon her. 

"What you thinking about, Jacey?" Her brother asked interrupting her guilty thought stream. 

"Nothin' kiddo," she smiled down to him, hand still intertwined, "What about you?" 

"About you," he admitted curtly to which Jacey furrowed her eyebrows at, "You were dead. Y-you were gone... but you weren't. We left you Jacey, why don't you hate me?" 

Jacey could see the tears beginning to form in the younger boys eyes and dropped down to his level brushing away the already fallen ones, "I could never hate you, squirt. Don't ever think I could. And besides, I did say I'd always find my way back to you" 

"B-but I was such a bad brother I didn't protect you, I didn't talk to you. I was just so upset about dad a-and I took it out on you. I didn't know you were gonna leave me but you promised you wouldn't," He choked out. 

"I know squirt. I'm so sorry but I'm here now, okay? And I'm okay and you are too." 

"Promise you won't leave me again?" Carl said, unlacing their hands so he could hold out his pinky finger for her. Jacey looked at it guiltily, trying to blink away the tears, "I can't promise that, Carl." 

Carl looked back to the girl his young mind attempting to comprehend her words, she was going to leave again, she was going to leave me again.

Carl grabbed her small hands which were still bigger than his own and hooked their pinkies together, "Now you can't. You already promised a-and you can't go back on that." Jacey removed her hand and stood up. 

"Jacey please." 

"I'm sorry." She brushed herself off and picked up her gun placing it back into her belt and started to walk in the direction of her parents. 

"Dad? Mom? Can I talk to you?" She asked in her thick southern accent. Rick looked to his daughter the wrinkles on his forehead creased telling Jacey he was stressed. 

Lori, however, kept her eyes trained elsewhere and said, "Nows, not the time, Jacey. We're busy." the child muttered an 'oh' before moving back towards, stopping when a panicked voice called out, "A walker got him. A walker bit Jim." Jacey turned around eyes meeting the concerned ones of her fathers as he went over to the woman she learned to be called Jacqui. Jacqui was stood with the tall man from before, he looked paler than he did earlier and there was a small patch of blood seeping through his shirt - definitely signs of a bite Jacey thought to herself remembering when a member of her team, earlier at the beginning, had been bitten. 

The group crowded around Jim as he spoke, "I'm okay. I'm okay." Daryl, the redneck that threatened to shoot Jacey the previous morning, calmly ordered, "Show it to us. Show it to us." Jacey stopped listening for a moment as she met eyes with the dark ones of Jim's. She'd seen that look before and it was certainly something to fear. 

Jim picked up a nearby shovel as some of the men grew closer to him. She heard Shane say something to him before a dark-skinned man came behind him, restraining him from moving. 

"I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay," He told the group unconvincingly before Daryl lifted his shirt to show the symmetrical mark of a walkers teeth, "I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay."

Sometime later, Jacey found herself watching the debate between the group on what to do with the unforeseen issue at hand. She knew what had to happen but she could tell they didn't or rather they knew but didn't want to say. She wanted to be honest with them, to put him out of his misery before it was too late but had to remind herself that this was their friend and they'd certainly not give up on him that easily even if it was the better thing to do. 

"I say we put a pickaxe in his head and the dead girl's and be done with it," Daryl stated his rough exterior not letting an ounce of sympathy out. Although Jacey agreed with him she wouldn't dream of having the balls to put it that way. 

Wearing a disgusted expression Shane questioned, "Is that what you'd want if it were you?" 

"Yeah, and I'd thank you while you did it." 

"I hate to say it… I never thought I would… but maybe Daryl's right," An older gentleman, Dale, admitted. 

By that point Rick decided to join in, "Jim's not a monster, Dale, or some rabid dog." 

Jacey shook her head ignoring Dales attempts at reasoning with the officer, "No, but he will be soon." 

Her father looked to the girl shocked, "He's sick. A sick man. We start down that road, where do we draw the line?" 

"He's infected dad, he's as good as one of them." If it was possible Ricks jaw dropped further not recognising the unsympathetic girl as his own daughter. 

"The line's pretty clear. Zero tolerance for walkers, or them to be," Daryl agreed with the child, telling the police officer, who was still looking at his daughter for any sign of regret. 

"Daryl's right, dad. And there will come a day you'll understand that too." 

Ignoring Jacey's words, he looked to his group and said, "What if we can get him help? I heard the C.D.C. was working on a cure." 

"I heard that too. Heard a lot of things before the world went to hell," Shane responded. 

"What if the C.D.C. is still up and running?" Jacey looked at her dad hopefully, a small part of her still believing that that could be true. 

"Man, that is a stretch right there." 

"Why? If there's any government left, any structure at all, they'd protect the C.D.C. at all costs, wouldn't they? I think it's our best shot. Shelter, protection…" Rick proposed. 

"Okay, Rick, you want those things, alright? I do too, okay? Now if they exist, they're at the army base. Fort Benning," Shane offered, earning the attention and response of Lori, "That's 100 miles in the opposite direction." 

"That is right. But it's away from the hot zone. Now listen to me. If that place is operational, it'll be heavily armed. We'd be safe there," Shane suggested. 

"If that place was operational wouldn't they have gotten us out of this shithole already?" Jacey sassed, causing both Rick and Shane to roll their eyes. 

"Language," Rick warned her, "Besides the military were on the front lines of this thing. They got overrun. We've all seen that. The C.D.C. is our best choice and Jim's only chance." 

"You go looking for aspirin, do what you need to do. Someone needs to have some balls to take care of this damn problem!" Daryl's accent getting thicker the angrier he got. Daryl marched over into Jim's direction, pickaxe in hand attempting to swing at Jim's head. 

In response, her father draws his gun pointing at the side of the redneck's head, "We don't kill the living." Jacey walked closer to the scene, hand on the top of her gun just in case Daryl decide to risk taking his frustrations out on her father. 

"That's funny coming from a man who just put a gun to my head." 

"We may disagree on some things, not on this. You put it down. Go on," Shane demanded causing Daryl to drop his weapon and walk off. Shane walked over to the infected man before dragging him off the opposite way Daryl did, for 'safety'. 

Rick watched as his best friend walked away with Jim before turning to Jacey anger seeping from every orifice, "What the hell were you thinking? Saying all that stuff back there." 

"I was thinking about telling the truth unlike half the people in this damn group," She shot back, hating whenever her and her dad got into arguments. 

"The truth?!" He yelled ignoring the stares he got from the other group members, "You think executing Jim is the right thing to do!" 

"I never said we were going to execute him! All I said is that sooner or later that man will turn and when he does he won't have any problem with killing every last one of us!" 

Rick brought his right hand across his face, his left hand resting on his waist the way he would when he wanted to appear threatening, "I don't even know who you are right now because this," looking over her, "is not my daughter." 

Jacey scoffed, scowling at him, "I haven't been your daughter in a very long time, not since you abandoned me." 

"I didn't abandon you." 

"Yes, you did! You left me. You left me alone with them! I needed you and you left!" She screamed at him ignoring the tears forming in both his and her matching blue eyes, "You all left me! And I hate you! I hate you so much for it!" 

"Jacey..." He started but it merely coming out as a whimper. 

"No! Don't try and justify it! You don't care about me. You let me think you were dead only for me to come back here to see you okay, w-with the family you always wanted, right? God, I'm so stupid I should've never listened to Shane. You don't need me neither does mom or Carl. I should've never come here," The young girl cried before crumpling to the ground, Rick catching her instantly. 

"That's not true, okay? I thought you were dead and God you don't know how hard it was coming back here seeing your mom and Carl and having them telling me you were gone,"  He held her tighter thinking back to nights before, "It felt like my entire world was collapsing around me because you weren't there. I don't know how you got here nor where you were or what happened but I am so glad you're here with me now. I'm so sorry I left you. I love you so much, angel." 

By the time he was finished Jacey had somewhat calmed down and all Rick could hear was small cries buried deep into his chest, "Its okay angel. Everything's okay now," he calmly put ushing her off into a deep, much needed rest.

[rejectofsociety]

Febuwhump: Day One

Prompt: Mind Control

Summary: As Ebony Maw and Cull Obsidian invade Earth, Ebony discovers that Peter Parker makes an excellent servant

Word Count: 2,514

Warnings: Violence, Character Death

Thank you for organizing this event, @febuwhump!

✧༺✦✮✦༻∞　　∞༺✦✮✦༻✧

The moment Ebony Maw was faced with Earth's heroes (and some skittish scientist), he searched each mind for his perfect puppet. He couldn't penetrate the minds of the wizards— he assumed they were using complex enchantments to protect themselves. Typical, he thought to himself.

Next, he eyed the man with a neatly trimmed beard and advanced-looking glasses while he called the invaders "squidward." His mind was full of thoughts that made Ebony smirk— a woman he loved, a teen boy who he was silently praying would stay far away from the situation, a dream about a child who he loved dearly even before their existence was made a reality, and an overwhelming urge to protect his planet and family. His mind was so incredibly strong, yet simultaneously weak in the most disappointing way— too many emotions that could easily get in his way.

Ebony skipped over the jittery scientist, there was no use in wasting his time with him. While the earthlings continued shouting at him, he began to sense a new mind. A young and determined mind rushing towards the scene. He was eager and energetic, yet attentive and focused. Even from a long distance, Ebony could feel his physical strength and bizarre powers. Perfect, the alien thought slyly before welcoming himself inside the boy's brain.

Peter was wrestling his suit onto his body when a tidal wave of inky darkness crashed into his body. His stomach flipped and a sense of lightheadedness consumed him. His legs shook then collapsed underneath him while he felt vomit crawling up his throat. He hacked then gagged before managing to puke up no more than some stomach acid. His throat burned as he coughed and choked up bile while his head ached with the dark cloud enveloping him. His chocolatey brown eyes, usually so full of innocence and sweet life, were overwhelmed by a glowing blue color that held a malicious gaze.

He wiped his mouth with the back of his arm then took his mask and slipped it over his head. His mind now belonged to an eccentric force, leaving the real Peter Parker locked in a cage in the back of his head.

"Come here, Peter Parker," Ebony's oozing voice rang and echoed in his ears.

"Yes, sir," Peter mumbled gruffly in reply.

With that, he shot a web onto a nearby building and launched himself into the air. Within a second, his vision focused on the alien, donut-shaped ship were a battle was beginning to break out. He swiftly webslung his way towards the park until he landed in front of Tony with the grace of a cat. Cull Obsidian was about to smash his chain hammer into the Iron Man but, with the boy in the way, the hammer missed its target and was instead caught by Peter.

"Not him," Ebony ordered from afar.

Cull grunted his understanding then withdrew from his opponent and turned his attention elsewhere. Peter faced Tony with his body seeming stiff while his movements were somewhat robotic.

"Nice save, kid," Tony praised, "are you alright?"

"What do I need to do, sir," Peter muttered, his voice slightly hoarse.

"Kill him," Ebony instructed.

"Save that wizard," Tony demanded at the same time, yet Peter didn't hear any of his words.

"Yes, sir," he turned away, "activate instant-kill," he ordered his suit and the bug-ish eyes narrowed and turned red while the insides flashed, assessing weak spots in his surroundings, and readjusting web-shooter combinations to make them as deadly as possible.

Tony nodded his satisfaction then prepared to step away. Before he could, Peter spun around and smashed his leg into Tony's side. The billionaire was sent crashing into a nearby tree that splintered at the impact. Momentarily stunned, he was given no time to recover before Peter approached him and lifted him with his hand wrapped around the hero's neck.

"K-kid!" Tony gasped.

Peter clenched his fist then pummeled it into Tony's face, making his head whip back. Ever centimeter of nanotech that Peter touch was shattered almost instantly, forcing the suit to shed and replaced whatever was damaged.

Horror consumed Tony as he realized that whoever he was fighting wasn't Peter... not really. 

Peter landed another punch square in the hero's nose and Tony silently ordered the suit to form a repulsor cannon than blasted Peter the chest. The boy flew backwards, but before he could collide with anything, he shot a web at a tree and used it as leverage to spin around and kick Tony brutally in the chest. He pinned his mentor to the ground and smashed his fists into him over and over. Tony held his hands up to shield his face, his mind failing to process any thoughts as his nanotech was desperately replacing its damaged pieces, yet it was breaking faster than it could fix itself.

"Peter!" Tony cried, "c'mon, kid!"

Suddenly, a glowing, yellowish whip wrapped around Peter's throat and his hands snapped over the magical substance. He yanked at the rope until he was swiftly jerked away from his victim and thrown on the ground, the whip still wrapped around him like a leash. Stephen towered above, his cape assisting him in levitating above the scene while poor Wong had been left to busy Ebony and Cull. Stephen quickly created replicas of himself, each bearing a whip that they used to lasso Peter and hold him down as he thrashed furiously against their grip. Stephen rushed away from his clones and lowered himself to the ground next to Tony who lay shaking and gasping on the ground.

"Are you alright?" Stephen interrogated, reaching out a hand to help him up.

"Don't hurt that kid," Tony demanded fiercely as he heaved himself upright.

"It seems it's either his life or yours," the wizard hissed.

"He isn't the enemy," Tony sharply explained, "there has to be something controlling him. He would never hurt me willingly."

An uproar nearby caused the two men to whirl around to face Peter who had already taken down the wizard clones. This is what he's capable of, a scared voice spoke in the back of Tony's head, this child could kill everyone here. And he wants to kill you. Tony's breaths grew shuddering and uneven with anxiety as Peter faced the heroes. But he wasn't scared for himself, not anymore. Now, he was terrified for Peter. What if he failed to save this boy's mind? Would he be a slave to whoever was controlling him for the rest of his life? Would the real Peter ever see the light of day again? Or maybe his controller would kill him the moment he was no longer useful... Maybe Tony would be forced to kill him. 

"Take five," Stephen remarked to Peter then sent what appeared to be a wall of glass floating towards the boy.

The moment it collided with Peter, both he and the wall disappeared without a trace. Tony's eyes widened and he clutched the wizard's shoulder and spun him around to face him.

"What the hell did you do to him?!" He challenged fiercely.

"Calm down," Stephen jerked his shoulder away from the man, "I put him somewhere where he will neither be a danger to us nor himself. Now," his gaze trailed to Wong and his expression grew into one resembling guilt. Then, a realization struck him and his face lit up, "it has to be Ebony controlling him."

"Who?"

"Squidward."

"Oh. How do we stop him?"

"I say we play it safe and kill him."

"I like where your head's at. Let's do it."

The two rushed to aid Wong, who was shielding himself from simultaneous attacks from Ebony and Cull. Tony pummeled full-speed into Ebony, snatching him away from Wong and pinning him against an office building.

"Let the kid go," he hissed fiercely.

"Give me your little friend's necklace, then we can talk," Ebony spat in reply.

For a moment, Tony hesitated. How much was he willing to give up for Peter's safety? The offer sank in another second, then he realized what he was really risking— not just some necklace, but a stone. A stone with the power to manipulate time. A stone that could be the difference between Earth's demise and Earth's safety. Which also made it was a stone that could be the difference between life or death for Peter. Peter’s life was so precious to so many people: his aunt, his friends, even the citizens of New York who he assisted everyday in small yet significant ways. Without Peter, May wouldn’t have her nephew (or more accurately: her son), Ned and Michelle would be without their most important piece, teachers who adored the boy would lose their favorite student, and New York would be stripped of its most vital protector. Tony could not have that on his conscious. 

Tony opened his mouth to respond, but was interrupted as a flock of spears carved from brick and concrete came rushing towards him.

"Shit!" He exclaimed as he bolted away from the alien and sped out of the spears' way.

Of course he was only buying himself time, Tony thought bitterly while he outran the arrows, I should've known he didn't actually care to make a deal. He weaved between skyscrapers and did a number of fancy maneuvers in an effort to avoid the deadly weapons behind him.

"Stark!" Stephen called from down below.

Tony dipped and stumbled to a clumsy landing at the wizard's side. Stephen hurriedly extended his hands and produced a shield to protect the two from the deadly objects. As Stephen braced for impact, Tony briefly stepped one foot out of the shelter and fired a series of plasma-blasts before ducking behind the mage once more. The blasts hit about half of the spikes, blowing them straight to hell; the other half smashed into Stephen's shield and were shattered instantly.

"Thanks," Tony muttered.

Stephen nodded stiffly then the two concurrently jumped in surprise at the sound of shattering glass. They whipped their heads around to see what appeared to be an invisible substances cracking, as if the air itself could break.

"What's that?" Tony questioned.

"I... I don't think the Mirror Dimension can break," Stephen slowly thought aloud then craned his neck to look at Ebony whose eyes were focused sharply on the break in the dimension, "it's Ebony. He's helping it break."

Before Tony could reply, there was an explosion of shattering glass and Peter stumbled out of the Mirror Dimension. The boy locked eyes with his mentor, and for a fleeting second Tony almost thought that he was looking at the real Peter. But, the moment Peter shot a web at his legs and flung him into a lamp post, Tony realized he was wrong. His back smashed against the pole with a sickening crack, and the post was forced to bend at an awkward angle upon impact.

"Hang in there, Stark," Stephen called, "I just got an idea."

"Hurry up," Tony rasped as he struggled to rise to his feet.

Peter yanked the hero upright by his wrist, then heaved him over his shoulder, slamming him into the ground. Tony gasped and coughed, pain shooting through his entire body.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Peter," Tony stated with determination.

The spider didn't acknowledge his words but instead forced the man into a headlock, one arm wrapped around his throat with the other hand gripping his head and ready to snap his neck. Tony clasped Peter's arm frantically, by now he had learned that his suit was practically useless when pitted against Peter's raw strength.

"C-c'mon, kid," Tony managed, "I know yo-you don't want to hurt me."

Peter was silent a moment as he tightened his grip, making Tony gasp as he could feel his suit being crippled under Peter's arms. I'm sorry, Mister Stark! Peter cried in the back of his corrupted mind, I don't want to do this!

"What would you like me to tell Pepper?" Peter hissed hoarsely.

Tony choked and was just barely able to wheeze out a few words, "tell her it wasn't your fault."

The very moment that Peter scoffed and began to twist Tony's neck, Stephen forced Ebony through a portal that snapped shut around his head and decapitated him. 

The spider's body froze and he felt as if a thousand pounds had been lifted off his body. Ebony's oppressive cloud of violence and darkness faded, leaving room for Peter to obtain control of his mind once more. The shining blue of his eyes was erased and the usual brown hue took over.

Peter withdrew from Tony as fast as he could and instantly burst into tears. Stephen rushed back to the two and put his hand on Tony's shoulder as he forced his helmet to disappear and he gasped for breath. Peter briefly glanced at Tony's bloodied and bruised face, only to sob and shake harder.

"Hey," Stephen called to him, "Tony, are you okay?"

Tony forced himself to nod and calm his trembling muscles, "k-kid, come here."

"N-no," Peter refused through his tears as he wrapped his arms around himself, "I hurt y-you."

"It's okay, it wasn't your fault," Tony assured calmly as he waved him over, "now come here, you won't hurt me again."

Peter hesitantly paced towards Tony then sat on his knees next to him. His body was shuddering with terror and guilt as he fought back sobs. Tony wrapped his arms around the boy securely and Peter gratefully sank into his touch. Stephen felt a pang of pity for the kid, and gently rested his hand on his shoulder for reassurance.

"Take a deep breath, kid. Calm down... calm down... there you go," Tony spoke softly as Peter's crying and shuddering gradually relaxed, "I'm okay."

"You don't look okay," Peter mumbled, hiding his face in Tony's chest— call him childish, but he really just wanted his aunt to hold him, obviously that was out of the question.

"You're right. Right now, I'm not okay and everything hurts," Tony deadpanned.

Peter choked out a small laugh, "you jackass, how's that supposed to make me feel better?"

"C'mon, Peter, you know I'll heal. I just need a few days," Tony smiled softly, "I don't think any less of you."

The little spider nodded slightly, "thank you, Mister Stark," he craned his neck to look up at Stephen, "and- um, thank you Mister Wizard."

"It's Strange," he corrected.

Peter knit his brow together and nodded, "yeah, I guess so."

"No, I mean-" Stephen cut himself off and shook his head, "let's go help Wong."

Tony took his arms away from Peter then the two stood up. Peter looked over at Wong as he narrowly avoided Cull's hammer as it was smashed into the ground. Stephen's eyes widened and he muttered a curse as he rushed to assist his friend.

"So, what this guy's deal, Mister Stark?" Peter asked, repressing any previous emotions of guilt, terror, and depression.

"He's from space and he's here to steal a necklace from a wizard," Tony explained.

Peter nodded and ran forward, attaching a web to a building and lifting himself off the ground, "just another day in the life."

Tony almost laughed at that and his helmet reformed over his face, "good to have you back, kid."

He smiled, "it's good to be back, sir.”

[rosaguard]

❀ . ━  ❛ THE FLOWER BLOOMING IN THE SLUMS.

the following contents of this post is incredibly important to understanding how i see aeris, my portrayal, and overall direction of my blog going forward. i recommend reading this post entirely if you’re interested in writing with me on a deeper, non-surface level. this post also further touches on concepts from buddhism and hinduism prevalent within the themes of game / aerith’s development and the initial discussion on it can be read here. it is highly recommended that you read it before fully reading this post if you haven’t. 

i wanted to be make sure i was respectful regarding speaking about topics related to buddhism and hinduism by doing my research and educating myself. while i learned a lot writing this, i’m not immune to making potential mistakes nor am i asian. should anyone who does practice these religions find anything offensive, harmful, or wrong stated below, please feel free to reach out and correct me!

         aeris gainsborough is an anomaly. despite the tragedies that have followed her since birth and the oppression rampant throughout the slums, she’s notable for going through life with an optimistic outlook and looking forward to what the future holds in store for her. when the party initially leaves midgar, aeris is the only member not leaving for the sake of revenge, some grand cause, or to run away from her problems - if anything, it’s the direct opposite. aeris leaves specifically because she’s decided to stop running away from who she is and wants to learn about her ancestors. essentially, aeris’ personal and spiritual development throughout the events of the game directly parallel both the symbolic meaning of a sacred lotus as well as the literal growth of the flower itself.

the unfolding of the lotus flower petals represents the progress being made to reach a more spiritual state of mind. the unfurling petals symbolize the human soul expanding. padma ( lotus ) is thought to be a part of every person's soul and drives people, like an instinct, to work towards spiritual enlightenment despite their struggles, much like the lotus flower as it rises out from muddy depths and blossoms into its full potential.  

        although little is known about the cetra overall, it is said that they were a migrate and highly spiritual race that dedicated themselves to the planet. the way the cetra lived and their belief in finding supreme happiness after death seem to be directly based on certain beliefs within buddhism and hinduism specifically. this is reaffirmed when they’re contrasted to humans, former cetra who gave up their ties to the planet in order to live a life full of leisure and convenience while slowly destroying the planet ( which canonically has some form of consciousness / is somewhat sentient ) in the process:

sephiroth: this planet originally belonged to the cetra. the cetra was an itinerant race. they would migrate in, settle, then move on... at the end of their harsh, hard journey, they would find the promised land and supreme happiness. but, those that disliked the journey appeared. those who stopped their migrations built shelters and elected to lead an easier life. they took that which the cetra and the planet had made without giving back in return! those are your ancestors.

in comparison to humans, the cetra lived a life that actively encouraged not forming superficial ties while living in the material world as they believed their true happiness did not lie within it but within the promised land. this belief is similar to the symbolic meaning of the sacred lotus in regards to spiritual enlightenment:

buddhism states that just like the lotus flower rises above murky waters, the human soul should rise about all the attachments and desires of the materialistic world to achieve spiritual enlightenment. even though the flower has its roots in mud, it grows towards the light. this is a metaphor for human aspiration to rise above in life towards oneness with the universe.

according to bhagavad gita, one of the scriptures in hinduism, the lotus flower is also analogous to the spirit of a person: as the flower petals and the center of the flower remain untouched from the murder and dirty water of the pond in which it grows, a person who is wise and spiritually enlightened remains untouched by the material world or emotional desires. they are able to perform their duty without the need to think about the consequences or desire any fruit from their karma. this feeling of detachment also allows one to remain unaffected in the face of adversity and reach spiritual perfection.

❀ . ━  ❛ 𝑟𝑖𝑠𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑡𝑒𝑟.

       aeris, once again, is an anomaly here. she’s a cetra living amongst humans, has been staying in the same city for twenty-two years ( a concept the goes against her own people’s way of life ), and isn’t actively trying to change that when she’s introduced into the story. this touches upon one of the most important aspects of aeris’ development: aeris the individual vs aeris the cetra. throughout the game, aeris’ desires as a person and her duties as a cetra are in conflict with each other. this is first seen in the beginning of the original game when she admits she knows she should leave midgar but hasn’t taken the steps to do so:

aeris: mother said that midgar was no longer safe. someday i'll get out of midgar... speak with the planet and find my promised land. ...that's what mom said. i thought i would stop hearing her voice as i grew up, but...

saying that she thought she would stop hearing her mother once she was older suggests that aeris’ mother told her about needing to eventually leave midgar when she was much younger than she is now ( and considering that she managed to travel multiple continents on her own and stayed ahead of cloud and co. while doing so, she more than likely could’ve figured a way out of midgar once she was old enough if she wanted to ). the remake also builds upon aeris’ reluctance to leave midgar throughout her dialogue in chapter eight:

aeris: you know, i thought about leaving once... but...in the end, i couldn't.

cloud: too dangerous? 

aeris: too much. maybe more than i can handle, i think sometimes... even now.

aeris: maybe i should just give up. honestly, it's what I do best. 

      aeris’ desire to stay in midgar is a mixture of her own self-doubt and fear of what would happen if she let go of her own personal attachments in order to experience change. choosing to let go of them and leave midgar to learn more about herself is aeris taking the first step towards letting go of what was mentally ( and physically ) holding her back so that she can discover her ‘promised land’ ( and thus achieve enlightenment ). once the party reaches cosmo canyon, there’s a noticeable shift in aeris’ behavior as her powers continue to grow and she learns more about the cetra. 

this could also be read as while aeris continues to connect with herself spiritually ( learning about her people, leaving midgar which was a barren wasteland, etc. ), she is slowly ‘blossoming’ as the petals of her lotus unfurl ( her soul is expanding ) and she becomes more attuned with the planet ( reaching spiritual enlightenment ). this would explain why she can understand the planet a lot better by the time the party reaches the temple of the ancients as well.

         this all results in her mentally, and on rare occasions, physically distancing herself from the group as it becomes increasingly more apparent to her that the burdens of her people have been left solely to her. her inner conflict reaches its breaking point during the events at the temple of the ancients: cloud gives sephiroth the black materia and attacks her which results in her leaving the group. in the original game, it’s implied that aeris doesn’t have any friends which the remake confirms. temporarily leaving her new friends, something that she has desperately wished to have her entire life. is another painful but necessary step ( at least in her eyes ) when it comes to putting her duty to the planet first. aeris dies while fulfilling her duty, however, it’s important to remember that she only dies physically.

death is meant only for the body, not for the soul.

aeris is laid to rest in water and similar to a lotus that submerges itself underwater at night, she will reemerge once again.

just so it’s said: aeris did not set off with the intention to die. she’s not a martyr; she was brutally and tragically murdered because sephiroth viewed her as a legit threat. she didn’t need to die to save the planet; holy would’ve destroyed meteor if sephiroth hadn’t killed her. she had already won. aeris truly did believe she would see all the others again after she did what she needed to do in order to save the planet. bonus: she also didn’t die simply for cloud’s man pain - cloud was already motivated to kill sephiroth. it’s such an awful, objectively wrong take and i’m tired of seeing it. go play the game again if you legitimately believe that.

❀ . ━  ❛ 𝒃𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒐𝒘𝒏.

        if aeris was previously battling with her individuality as a person and duty as a cetra, it’s through death that they finally become one. while initially leaving midgar to find out about the ancients, aeris’ journey is ultimately about self-realization. by coming to terms with herself, aeris is able to fully blossom into a fully realized ‘lotus’:

it’s like growing lotus flowers. you cannot grow lotus flowers on marble. you have to grow them on the mud. without mud you cannot have lotus flowers. without suffering, you have no way to learn how to be understanding and compassionate. ( thich nhat hanh ).

while her ancestors migrated from place to place and most likely lived separately from humans, aeris wouldn’t be the same person if she did not experience living in the slums ( as well as the personal losses that led her there in the first place ). her mother told her that one day she would find her own promised land and technically? aeris does just that. however, instead of her soul rejoining the lifestream as a soul would normally do, aeris merges with the planet’s subconscious upon her death:

the pink lotus is representative of the state of mind of a person and is considered the supreme lotus in buddhism. the closed bud resembles the age of the soul taking the path to spirituality. on the other hand, a fully bloomed pink lotus means that nirvana or enlightenment has been attained. *this is especially meaningful for aeris considering the dominant color in her character design is pink.

      aeris becoming the very essence of the planet itself and thus achieving spiritual ‘perfection’ is a process that, conceptually, is similar to brahman:

brahman is defined as satyam jnanam anantam brahma, which can be translated as “that which never changes,” “knowledge,” and “infinity.” brahman cannot be seen with the naked eye; it can only be experienced. brahman is said to be all-pervasive. it pervades all parts of existence. it is present everywhere. sages of the past have experienced the brahman and have become realized souls. according to advaita of sankara, all individual souls are parts of the supreme brahman. after getting liberation from the human bodies, the individual souls become one with the brahman.

all of the souls in the lifestream make up one, large collective ( or 'soul' ) that is the planet's essence which is similar to brahman. the way brahman is described, or at least my understanding of it at least, is that it's not a 'physical' thing but something that is felt because it exists within everyone / everything and is present everywhere. this is reminiscent of how bugenhagen describes the lifestream:

bugenhagen: eventually... all humans die. what happens to them after they die? the body decomposes, and returns to the planet. that much everyone knows. what about their consciousness, their hearts and their souls? the soul too returns to the planet. and not only those of humans, but everything on this planet. in fact, all living things in the universe, are the same. the spirits that return to the planet, merge with one another and roam the planet. they roam, converge, and divide, becoming a swell, called the 'lifestream'. lifestream... in other words, a path of energy of the souls roaming the planet.

      in various schools of hinduism, there is also the concept of ishvara. its meaning tends to vary depending on the school* as ishvara can be seen as being one and the same with brahman ( absolute reality ) but can also refer to the supreme consciousness or a personal god. for simplicity’s sake, the interpretation of ishvara and brahman being ‘one’ will be used here:

ishvara is a supreme cosmic spirit who maintains complete control over the universe and all the sentient beings which together form the pan-organistic body of ishvara. the triad of ishvara along with the universe and the sentient beings is brahman ( the ultimate reality of the universe,  ), which signifies the completeness of existence.

*i want to add that a lot of discussions around the concepts of atman, moksha, ishvara, and, brahman are obviously touched on a much, much deeper level in actual hindu philosophy and its different schools / sub-schools. it’s on a level that i can’t fully address since they all have varying interpretations regarding how these concepts are related to one another.

some interpretations of ishvara view the concept as being the more ‘personal’ representation of brahman since it can be seen as mysterious and unknown due to its infinite nature. this happens with aeris as she becomes the avatar / personification for the planet / lifestream, an entity that’s beyond most human knowledge due to the sheer amount of information the planet absorbs and processes: 

bugenhagen: look always to the eternal flow of time which is far greater than the span of human life. it will teach you more than staying here in the valley... what you will see will eventually become part of the life's dream.

to aeris, she is the lifestream and the lifestream is her. to those in the ‘physical’ world, she would be seen as simply herself / a separate entity even though they are not. although it’s to her own annoyance, this is seen with advent children in how characters on the verge of death repeatedly refer to aeris as ‘mother’ when they’re close to joining the lifestream; reinforcing that aeris is the physical / personal representative of the planet’s will to those still living:

but it must never be forgotten that ishvara is brahman, simply being looked at from the point of view of the world.

       the implication that aeris has become the planet’s equivalent of a supreme cosmic spirit is also reinforced multiple times after her death. when the party revisits the city of the ancients with bugenhagen, he mentions that even if holy is successfully summoned against meteor, there is no guarantee that it won’t kill humans too:

bugenhagen: holy… the ultimate white magic. magic that might stand against meteor. perhaps our last hope to save the planet from meteor. if a soul seeking holy reaches the planet, it will appear. ho ho hooo. meteor, weapon, everything will disappear. perhaps, even ourselves.

cloud: even us!?

bugenhagen: it is up to the planet to decide. what is best for the planet. what is bad for the planet. all that is bad will disappear. that is all. ho ho hooo. i wonder which we humans are?

        but who exactly makes the decision in the end? while aeris’ prayer for holy does ultimately reach the planet, it is not enough against meteor once it’s freed by the party. as meteor descends onto midgar, the lifestream erupts from the depths of the planet to aid holy in destroying meteor. aeris, smiling within the lifestream, is the last shot of the game. instead of hints of her theme playing, the opening chimes of the lifestream theme play, reinforcing that the lifestream and aeris are one, before the screen fades to black and the credits roll.

aeris: people hate the steel sky, the slums...but i don't. how could I? all that passion, all those dreams... flowing and blending together into something greater... 

aeris throughout the game is someone who shows appreciation for life and the people around her. it is aeris who ultimately makes the decision to save humanity. aeris consistently reaching out to help her friends / humanity can only be explained as her being the dominant force within the planet’s consciousness. this goes as far back as the original game and it’s only reinforced throughout the compilation:

original game: after cloud and tifa return from the lifestream, an npc tells cloud he must have had a guardian angel looking after him ( while the maiden that travels may or may not be canon anymore, aeris protects cloud and tifa when they fall into the lifestream in the novel ); aeris reaches out to cloud after his fight with sephiroth inside the lifestream; she summons the lifestream to defeat meteor.

novels: tifa hearing aeris’ voice asking if she’s okay when they visit her burial site; tifa believing aeris sent denzel to them.

advent children: speaks with cloud via his subconscious the movie ( which she could do even before her death ) and manages to leave a ‘voicemail’ on his phone; she helps cloud during the bahamut sin fight; tifa and marlene both sense her presence; she summons great gospel; she speaks to kadaj as he dies and helps him pass on; it’s implied that she calls the orphaned children and tells them to go to the sector five church to be healed; zack’s...entire presence in the movie can only be explained by aeris allowing him to be there; she doesn’t allow cloud to die and sends him out of the lifestream; she ( along with zack ) physically appear to cloud at the end of the movie. 

remake: if theories about the remake are to be believed, she has potentially time-traveled post-death or at least has some connection with and/or knowledge of the version of herself that died ( you would think a cetra would think to go back to when jenova landed if that’s a thing they can just..do but i digress ).

       case of the lifestream: white, a novel about aeris in the lifestream before advent children, states that aeris maintains her individuality within the lifestream because she’s a cetra and can choose to rejoin the lifestream when she wishes...yet this contradicts what we’re shown throughout canon multiple times as shown above. while we don’t know the full extent of a cetra’s powers, we’re consistently told that their main abilities are 1). being able to speak with the planet and 2). manipulating the lifestream. aeris does that and more, making her unique among her own people before and after death. 

 ❀ . ━  ❛ 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒖𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝒍𝒐𝒕𝒖𝒔.

       the lotus continues to resurrect itself, coming back just as beautiful as it was last seen. with such refusal to accept defeat, it's almost impossible not to associate this flower with unwavering faith. although cultures have largely dubbed the lotus as a spiritual figurehead, it is most emblematic of the faith within ourselves. it is particularly what the Buddhist proverb, aims to edify: living life with unwavering faith, as the lotus does, ensures the most beautiful revivals.

       aeris gainsborough is life itself; both thematically within the game and quite literally on this blog. it’s only fitting that she be associated with the lotus, a flower that represents the cycle of life, death, and rebirth. aeris is no different due to all of this...or at least she doesn’t see herself as any different.  she’s still the local florist, a woman who relentlessly make fun of you as quickly as she’s there to support you. she’s aeris. nothing more, nothing less. she may or may not reincarnate every couple of centuries for fun but honestly? that’s neither here nor there.

❀ . ━  ❛ 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒆𝒏𝒅.

if you’ve taken the time to read this and made it this far, thank you. it’s very much appreciated! while this headcanon explains aeris merging with the planet after her death, i want to reaffirm that my main verse is still aeris not dying ( i will actually be slightly altering some details of my main verse, including aeris being in a short-term coma after sephiroth stabs her, to tie all this together ). i felt that it would be easier to explain ( as well as easier for readers to digest ) these philosophical concepts if i strictly spoke about them within the context of the canon story. hopefully everything made sense! ❤

[johannas-motivational-insults]

Adora might be autistic too

Alright, most people in the SPOP fandom agree that Entrapta is autistic, as her coding is extremely obvious. However, some of us also believe that our beloved protagonist Adora is on the spectrum as well. She comes off as quite the aspie, and while Asperger’s is no longer a diagnosis in the DSM-V (but is in other manuals), it falls under the blanket diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and its diagnostic criteria is still useful in analyzing people for signs of the disorder. In analyzing Adora’s character I will refer somewhat to both disorders, with the understanding that Asperger’s is a specific manifestation of ASD.

I would like to preface this by saying this is a headcanon and people are free to disagree with me. Some of these characteristics I’m going to bring up could also manifest because of her very sheltered upbringing in a cult-like atmosphere or mental illnesses such as anxiety and complex PTSD (both of which she arguably has). I am autistic myself, so obviously I am inclined to interpret these symptoms this way, but to each their own. It’s also worth noting that Adora has a lot of symptoms that cross over with AD(H)D, a cousin disorder to ASD, and it’s totally possible she has both.

In any case, there is now enough evidence hinting at Adora’s neurodivergence (especially now that the Rebel Princess Guide has been released) that I feel the need to explain this theory in detail instead of just occasionally mentioning it. So here goes...

She’s naive/easily manipulated

This one doesn’t really need explaining, we’ve all seen it. Adora assumes people are telling the truth because why would anyone lie to her? That is such a relatable spectrum feel. She was handily brainwashed by Shadow Weaver in the Horde, while some of the others didn’t seem to swallow the propaganda so easily. This is of course partly because of the special attention and affection Adora got from Shadow Weaver, but she had to be vulnerable to manipulation in the first place for it to work.

Later, she trusts Huntara easily in the Crimson Waste despite Bow and Glimmer’s warnings about her questionable character. Adora happily follows her into a trap even once Bow and Glimmer tell her they're going the wrong way, reasoning it’s probably a shortcut rather than reevaluating her misplaced trust. This can be partly explained by how she‘s gay af for Huntara, but still.

(Interestingly, the episode cuts straight from this moment to the obviously autistic Entrapta going against her own friend's advice and refusing to give up on the portal machine despite the obvious warning sign of Hordak’s violent dismissal. Parallels, much?)

Her difficulty understanding other points of view

A lot of Adora’s conflict with Catra is predicated on misunderstandings, and she has a hard time understanding the effects her actions have on other people, Catra in particular. For instance, she misunderstands Catra talking about ruling the Horde together as being purely about power, while Catra’s actual goals are safety and Adora’s companionship. That miscommunication is not just Adora’s fault, but it illustrates that she has difficulty understanding other people’s needs and motives without being explicitly told.

This isn’t just a problem with Catra, either. In general Adora has a difficult time understanding other’s motives and feelings. For instance, she doesn’t understand Glimmer’s insecurity over Bow’s friendship with Perfuma at Princess Prom, and she can’t fathom why Entrapta would choose to work for an evil faction, going so far as to assume she must have been brainwashed into it. This is because, just like with Catra, she doesn’t understand that some people’s priorities are not the same as hers.

Autistic kids tend to reach developmental milestones at different times than neurotypicals, sometimes being way ahead and other times falling behind. One such marker that is usually slower to develop and often stays impaired is theory of mind, our ability to a) understand that other people have different perspectives and b) understand those perspectives. Adora’s difficulties being able to put herself in someone else’s shoes definitely lines up with this symptom.

She’s clumsy

For someone so athletic, Adora sure lacks coordination. This is a commonly cited symptom of people with Asperger’s, though it shows up in people with other forms of ASD too. In general, autistic people often have difficulty with fine and/or gross motor skills, and this can lead to being accident and injury prone. According to Catra in 3x05, Adora bumps her head a lot. That may have just been a callback to 1x01, but either way clumsiness has been part of her characterization since the beginning, one of her many loveable, adorkable qualities.

Her lack of social and self awareness

Adora can be painfully oblivious to her own inappropriate behavior. There’s several examples of this throughout the series, one of the more costly ones coming at Princess Prom. Shocked by Frosta’s youth, Adora fails to register how maybe this (in front of Frosta, with all eyes on her) is not the time to remark on it. She immediately realizes this was the wrong thing to say (or at least not something she should shout), but that small delay causes both her and Glimmer a lot of embarrassment.

Part of the issue here is that she loses control of her volume, which in itself is a common problem for those of us on the spectrum. This isn’t the only time we see her have this problem, either, and it’s amplified (tee hee) when she’s drunk/infected.

More generally, one of the funniest examples of Adora’s poor social awareness comes when she barges into Huntara’s flirtation with the bartender in the Crimson Waste. She’s so focused on her task of recruiting Huntara that it doesn’t even occur to her that this is an intimate moment and intruding would be rude.

In the Rebel Princess Guide Adora also says she wishes Queen Angella would let her make some adjustments to the uniforms of the Bright Moon guards, which implies she tried to make these suggestions already. Maybe she figured She-Ra could suggest anything, but as both a newcomer and a royal subject that’s a bit of a faux pas. Chances are, that went right over Adora’s head.

She can’t read a room to save her life (literally)

This is another, more specific aspect of social awareness. Adora has difficulty picking up on the implicit rules (social norms) when she enters unfamiliar situations, and has a tendency to step on toes because of it. She also doesn’t understand when her friends try to nonverbally communicate what she’s doing wrong, and nonverbal communication deficits and problems with social awareness and insight are two major symptoms of ASD. One specifically listed example is “difficulties adjusting behavior to suit social contexts”, including:

Lack of response to contextual cues (e.g. social cues from others indicating a change in behavior is implicitly requested)

Unaware of social conventions/appropriate social behavior; asks socially inappropriate questions or makes socially inappropriate statements

Here’s a couple specific example of times where Adora misses or misunderstands nonverbal cues to change her behavior:

At her first Rebellion meeting she doesn’t realize that maybe she shouldn’t sit in the special-looking chair, and doesn’t clue in that that’s why everyone is freaking out.

In the Crimson Waste, Glimmer responds to the growling bar patrons surrounding them by suggesting that maybe these aren’t the kind of people they should be asking for help, but Adora persists. She jumps up on the bar and makes a speech trying to get directions (which is socially inappropriate for the context as well as dangerous), somehow missing all the scowls from the patrons as well as Bow and Glimmer’s wild gesturing.

Panic over unfamiliar social situations

Adora’s anxiety about going to Princess Prom could be attributed to many things, not just a spectrum disorder. Her obvious anxiety, for one, though to be fair there’s a high comorbidity between the two disorders. In any case, it seems the unfamiliarity of the situation is a sticking point for Adora in particular, while Bow and Glimmer are nothing but excited for their first ball.

Adora’s anxiety seems to stem mostly from being overwhelmed by the prospect of entering a new social situation with a whole bunch of unfamiliar rules to remember. She’s still learning behavioral norms outside of the Horde, and this is a huge jump up in terms of difficulty for her fledgling social skills.

To cope with her stress she goes overboard trying to prepare by making a conspiracy board of sorts, flash cards, and an obstacle course. And at the ball itself, it seems like she’s even rehearsed how to behave.

This probably isn’t only relatable to autistics, but it’s very relatable to us. Creating and rehearsing behavioral scripts is a common strategy to avoid embarrassing ourselves in public. Unfortunately, as we saw above, this works for about five seconds before Adora botches the whole thing by commenting on Frosta’s age.

Extreme stress over details

In general, Adora is a very anxious, perfectionistic person who hyperfixates on details, a very autistic trait. As mentioned above, this is wonderfully illustrated by her overpreparation for Princess Prom. She’s broken down the overwhelming list of rules in the invite into categories to make it more manageable, gone into detail categorizing people’s relationships to each other, and learned trivia about the guests in order to feel more prepared. Yet, somehow she missed the important fact that the hostess is only eleven years old.

Unfortunately this hangup doen’t only affect her, but also her friends and allies. The overarching theme in “Roll With It” is how debilitating Adora’s anxiety and perfectionism can be. Her eye for detail and ability to see flaws in plans is actually very valuable, but she gets so hung up on every possible thing that could go wrong that she can’t accept imperfect solutions with calculated risks.

Her propensity to be overwhelmed by too much information (like with the Princess Prom invite) shows up here too. Adora grows more and more frustrated and overwhelmed as more princesses join the planning session, adding more variables to deal with and more people to manage. She begins lashing out and shooting down every possible solution that doesn’t satisfy her need for perfection immediately. Her behavior looks like it may be headed for a meltdown until it culminates in an epic rant revealing all her anxiety and how it ties into her insecurities about her own imperfection.

Thankfully her friends are able to reassure her that she has support and doesn’t have to be perfect, but it’s an ongoing battle, one we already saw her struggle with in “Flowers for She-Ra” and “The Battle of Bright Moon”. It’s a strong tenet of Adora’s personality that is proving difficult to shake.

What she misses about the Horde

The recently published Rebel Princess Guide contains a list by Adora of things she misses about the Horde, and this list screams neurodivergent. I’ll go through it point by point, since there’s a lot to unpack here.

THINGS I MISS ABOUT THE HORDE

1. I miss the rigid schedule. It never changed, and I always knew what to expect.

Ritualistic behavior and an insistence on sameness are often seen in individuals with ASD. In fact, it’s a major symptom. Many of us have diifficulty adjusting to changing schedules, changes in diet, or even minor changes in our environment (such as placement of objects, boy do I have stories there). We need warning when things are going to change, and even if we know it’s coming it’s still a struggle to adjust.

2. I miss the constant sound of machines and whirring. In Bright Moon, there’s always music playing, or people laughing, and birds singing. It’s nice but it makes it hard to focus!

Autistic brains process sensory information differently from neurotypicals, that’s basically our disorder at its core. Over or under reactions to sensory input are common and in fact considered a major symptom, and this entry of Adora’s specifically refers to difficulties with sensory filtering. We have a hard time filtering out information that’s irrelevant to our current task, which makes us easily distractable.

3. Believe it or not, I miss my hard cot in the barracks. My bed in the castle is way too soft!

This ties into both the insistence on sameness and sensory issues.

4. Catra… sometimes.

This isn’t autistic, it’s just gay.

Speaking of which...

She’s gay

Adora's relationship with Catra has always been queer-coded, but any doubts about her sexuality were dispelled in season 3 by the way she fawns over Huntara like a baby gay over her gym teacher. Her obvious queerness might seem unrelated to the topic of autism, but those of us within the community can attest there’s probably just as many queer people among us as there are cishets. It’s so notable that there has been quite a bit of scientific research confirming people with ASD are more likely to be LGBT and gender atypical and exploring the cause of this link.

(This needs no proving at this point, but enjoy these gifs anyway...)

In conclusion

Overall, there’s a lot of hints and circumstantial evidence suggesting Adora could have ASD. Was this the creators’ intent? Hard to say. Adora is the protagonist and one of the most developed characters, so she’s definitely not a cardboard cutout or checklist for ASD symptoms (compare that to Entrapta, a secondary character whose behaviors can often easily be attributed to autism). It’s totally possible the creators just characterized her as naive and awkward and obsessive without realizing the implications of that cluster of traits together.

Regardless of authorial intent, it’s perfectly valid to look at Adora and see representation of the ASD community. The groundwork is there. And if someone else looks and doesn’t see it, or sees something else causing this behavior, that is also fair. No one is forcing anyone to accept this headcanon (or at least they shouldn’t be), but in return please don’t disparage it. Even if she is not autistic Adora is definitely autistic-coded, and we could use some more heros with the disorder, given how we’re mostly relegated to being villains and anti-heroes (not that there’s anything wrong with us filling those roles sometimes, but a little variety would be nice).

Adora is often referred to as a dumbass, but she’s actually quite intelligent, just sometimes slow to understand how she should act and how people feel. Still, she tries her hardest, just as she does with everything else. Adora is heroic and compassionate, even if she sometimes struggles to understand others. When autistic-coded characters are so commonly portrayed as cold and unforgiving, Adora is a sorely needed exception.

[uwumessenger]

Hey, could you do RFA and V reacting to MC who turns into a dog for one day? weird I know lol

yes!! and sorry for taking oh so long fjdjndnd if u see dis i hope u enjoy eht

let's assume u do understand english as a dog and dont think in dog language. also this is super silly haha i had a lot of fun with it while trying to make it realistic!

+ btw since some ppl asked, yes my requests are open ! im just going in order so feel free to continue sending them in !! i only have 5 requests in my inbox now as of 5/11/2020 so ill get around to yours soon :)

Yoosung

when he wakes up and cant find you he immediately panics

calls your name and lifts anything that can be lifted to find you

he even checks the fridge!! wink wonk

when he finally quiets down and hears your barking he goes into panic mode AGAIN

when he finally finds you (as a dog) his mind begins racing

wait...is it our anniversary?!?!!! what exact day did MC join RFA again? um um is it my birthday? is it MC's BIRTHDAY???

ignores you and does a group call with zen and seven, trying to figure out what is happening

seven verifies that it is not a day of any importance

poor yoosung is just SO CONFUSED

but how do u even tell someone u transformed into a dog

i dont think yoosung would ever find out you turned into a dog

everyone would help with searching for you, and of course panic again bc the way you met them was lit rally bc u walked into your own kidnapping

yoosung is the physical embodiment of panic

but he takes care of you normally (LUCKILY HE DOESNT TURN YOU INTO THE POUND OR SOMETHING–)

when u turn human after 24 hours you explain EVERYTHING

and now he feels better

Zen

a few nights ago, zen had a psychic dream that you turned into a dog so

he brushed it off as a nightmare and his symptoms appeared bc the AC was broken and it was extra hot that night

but when he woke up and opened his eyes to a whole ass dog next to him

he FREAKED OUT

at first he didnt know what was going on but then he remembered his dream

so he tells you to bark once for yes and twice for no

are you MC?

bark!!!

are you hungry?

bark!!!

this goes on for 25 more minutes until you stop cooperating and trot away

hes very glad that at least youre not a cat

he feeds you and allows you to go do your potty business outside by yourself then cleans up after ur finished

he doesnt want you to be alone with nothing to do while hes at rehearsals so he asks yoosung to watch you!

but doesnt tell yoosung it's you lol

when he comes back he just chills w/ u until ur back to your ol' human self :')

Jaehee

initially she'd be pretty calm, thinking that you had to leave early to go do something

but after checking her phone every 2 seconds and searching every nook and cranny yet not recieving a text/finding a note from you, she begins to panic

she calls all the others, wondering if they knew where you were or what you were up to

no one knew what was going on so everyone panics!!!!

tbh she forgot about dog MC until u start scratching her

eventually jaehee starts considering the idea of u turning into a dog....but....what are the odds...

after trying everything you could think of to tell her it's really you, you realize that she wont catch on

after shes done getting ready for work she starts to wonder how to care for you

eventually decides on just bringing you in to work and hiding you the whole day

luckily jumin had back to back meetings so he wouldnt have any time to check in on what jaehee was doing

she tries to feed you something you absolutely hate and when you refuse to eat it she says

wow, MC hates eating these too

you wag your tail, jump, can dogs nod? if so you nod your head, etc etc trying to tell her that IT IS ME IT IS MC!!!'sisj@;!/&:&82

wait...there's no way. am i crazy or did you turn into a dog?

jaehee decides to bring you home instead of turning you into a shelter just in case

when you turn human again you guys strategize a plan, should this ever happen to either of you again haha

Jumin

when he wakes up and sees you (as a dog) and elizabeth playing he thinks hes still sleeping

intense eye rubbing

he calls for you and you keep running to him

but he doesnt understand :c

similar to yoosung, he double checks to see if it was a significant date or anything

now he starts to panic

on the RFA panic scale, he is at the tippity top eue

calls off from work and calls for all the help he can get

you can communicate with elizabeth i guESS so she helps you communicate with jumin

jumin looks crazy as hell rn with a cat and dog on his bed, trying to talk to them

elizabeth points at you then points at your jacket on a chair 900 times and then jumin finally connects the dots!!!

oH SO MC TURNED INTO A DOG???

you and elizabeth are like ugh oh my gosh finally

jumin calls off all the emergency protocol stuff and simply chills with you and elizabeth until youre back to your human body

now you and elizabeth have a stronger bond...how beautiful.

707/Saeyoung

luckily seven has security cameras, so when he sees you in dog form, youre sitting at his computer

the cctv footage of you somehow transforming into a dog plays and hes like oh what how is that eVEN POSSIBLE?

downloads the cctv footage to save it forever

unfortunately no dog food or anything there so he feeds you whatever is in the fridge and okay for dogs to eat

he has his fun, taking photos of you and imitating paris hilton

when vanderwood walks in to check on him, seven cant stop laughing as he explains the situation

he shares all of his photos with the rfa chat and no one believes him

and then he stops and starts thinking

??? MC are you naked? like when we sleep and you transform back....are you gonna be naked?

oh my gOSH

unlike the others he doesnt stay up and goes to sleep with you

whatever u do, do not let seven make a birthday slideshow of u </3

V

V would freak out, but definitely try to communicate with you as a dog before doing the absolute most

checks for human you everywhere, and when he realizes youre nowhere, he begins to consider the fact that you may have turned into a dog

googles it

he questions you, like zen does, and begins to think hes going insane

he texts you, just in case human you did go out and forgot to tell him

but while texting he scrolled up and saw a text you sent him a day ago while you were shopping

"if i were a worm would you still love me"

he picks you up and sits with you on the couch

worm, dog, human...i love you regardless. but not in an immoral and weird way. :)

spends the rest of the day taking you out to do dog things

like walking at the park and taking cute photos of you

at the end of the day he actually showers you, and talks to you until you both fall asleep

when u guys wake up he says,

i didnt waste $17 on dog shampoo for nothing...why dont we go out and get a real dog now?

yES LETS DO THAT

[moved-to-void-kissed]

= my selfship AUs =

Although I don’t talk about them too much, I do have a number of different AUs for each of my selfships! This post gives a little overview of each of them in turn, sorted by the selfship that they concern, as well as some of the “overarching AUs” which are the ones where all of my romantic selfship are canon at once. ..Not all of them have very much to them, but hopefully that’s okay.

The actual list is under the readmore because otherwise this post would be about five miles long, but hopefully all this works well! If anyone has any questions or wants to ask me anything about any of these AUs, you’re always more than welcome to do that! ^-^

==========

overarching AUs:

mythical AU - a generic fantasy universe where all of my F/Os and their corresponding self-inserts exist as different mythical creatures, and all of my romantic selfships exist in tandem (apart from my one with Anti-Aqua - she only exists if Aqua doesn’t). The specific information regarding what sort of creature everyone is is written in the section for ecah individual selfship.

==========

void-kissed (Luna/Adriana) AUs:

void spirit AU - Luna is lost to the Void at the end of Episode 18, instead of escaping with Adriana. She is able to carry on existing in the world as a spirit, but only Anna is left able to properly perceive her, with Adriana needing to wear one of Reborn’s four seals in order to be able to see her.

mythical AU - in the mythical AU, Luna is a ghost tied to the Emerald Brooch while Adriana is a witch who is able to communicate with and summon her. She goes on a journey to try and save Luna from being destroyed when Elias and the rest of Team Meteor try to acquire all four of the seals.

==========

survivors of the dark (Aqua/Aria) AUs:

vampire AU - Aria is a powerful vampire (one of those classic “rich and alone and lives in a mansion and has dark powers”-types), whereas Aqua is a vampire hunter sent to destroy her. However, a rival vampire faction (i.e. Xehanort and his allies) attacks Aria’s mansion while she is hosting a ball, and Aqua ends up having to fight alongside her to both stay alive and rescue her fellow vampire hunters Terra and Ven, who had been turned and captured respectively by the rival vampires.

PAFL AU - the selfship is set in the world of Parties Are For Losers, a series created by the Vocaloid producer Ferry. Aqua and Terra live as siblings with Eraqus, who adopted them both; Terra wants to become a stalker of the Zone and Aqua is trying to stop him because it’s such a dangerous career path. Aria is a mutant who escapes the Zone facility when KT and Dima do, bringing fellow mutant Ventus with her, and the two of them end up running into the Wayfinders.

dual wayfinder AU - instead of going into the realm of darkness, Aria is transported into the future alongside Ventus, losing her memories of her true nature in the process. They both become Master Xehanort’s apprentices, and he tries to use Ven’s light and Aria’s darkness to forge the X-Blade, but it doesn’t work so he sends them off to Eraqus. Vanitas and Ves are then split from Ventus and Aria at Terra and Aqua’s Mark of Mastery exams, prompting a world-spanning chase to find answers.

mythical AU - in the mythical AU, Aqua is an angel whereas Aria is a vampire. I don’t have any story for it yet, though.

========== 

to our own Elysium (Pyra/Sapphire) AUs:

driver Sapphire AU - Sapphire takes Rex’s place as Pyra’s Driver - she is a wanderer from Gormott who was hired by Torna to open the door on the already-raised Ancient Ship (which in this AU needs a light-element Blade to open instead of a Leftherian, and Sapphire was already Avalon’s Driver which is why they needed someone like her). Rex appears as Vandham’s biological son from canon who didn’t die, but he doesn’t join the party.

DQIX AU - essentially the story of Dragon Quest IX but told using the XC2 characters. Mythra is a Celestrian and acts as the Guardian of the volcanic town of Upover, but falls down to the Protectorate in the form of a mortal armamentalist called Pyra when the Observatory is attacked. Pyra enlists the help of Sapphire and her father Vandham (who are residents of Upover) to travel across the world and regain her divine abilities. The Indoline Praetorium replace the Gittish Empire, except Torna are the Triumgorate who betray them, and Malos replaces Corvus.

mythical AU - in the mythical AU, Pyra is a dragon stuck in a mostly human form (unlike her siblings Mythra and Malos, who are also dragons except they can choose to take human form if they wish to), while Sapphire is a werecat who ends up stumbling across Pyra in the forest and tries to help her get her powers back.

==========

love, trust and diamond dust (Perun/Sapphire) AUs:

driver Sapphire AU - Perun resonates with Sapphire to become one of her Blades during the story, taking Pyra’s place as Sapphire’s main damage dealer during most of Chapter 7. She is also good friends with Avalon, who is alive in this AU.

DQIX AU - Perun is a paladin from Gleeba who ends up joining Sapphire, Vandham and Pyra on their quest across the Protectorate because she wants to help protect justice and figures that aiding a Celestrian is the best way to do that. Her weapon is a spear, and in battle she tends to intercept attacks meant for the others a lot.

mythical AU - in the mythical AU, Perun is a yet-to-be-determined creature who had initially set out to slay the Aegis dragons, whereas Sapphire is a werecat who tries to dissuade her from doing so because their presence is important for the world’s balance.

==========

dark hearts corrupted (Anti-Aqua/Aria) AUs:

fallen light AU - all normal content of my selfship with Anti-Aqua technically takes place within the context of this AU. It’s an alternate version of events in KH where Aqua ends up falling to darkness shortly after BBS as a result of her light fading and her anguish at being abandoned by the light. Anti-Aqua and Aria become rulers of the realm of darkness, wishing to get revenge on the light for abandoning them both (Aqua also wants revenge on Xehanort, whereas Aria seeks to reach the Final World).

mythical AU - in the mythical AU, Anti-Aqua is a fallen angel and Aria is the vampire that corrupted her. I don’t have any story for it yet, though.

==========

a dance of endeavours (Camellia/Telanthera) AUs:

mythical AU - I haven’t put this selfship in the mythical AU yet, but I do intend to - I’m just having trouble thinking of mythical creatures that fit the characters.

==========

our own kind of heroes (N/Noire) AUs:

reversed heroes AU - the “reverse AU” for this selfship. N is a kind Unovan Pokémon Ranger with the inborn ability to communicate with Pokémon, whereas Noire is the cold sheltered princess of Team Plasma who hates humanity for mistreating Pokémon. She is chosen by Zekrom for her belief in her misguided ideals for separating people and Pokémon, whereas N is chosen by Reshiram for his ability to understand the truth of how Pokémon are and wish to be.

mythical AU - in the mythical AU, N is a forest spirit and guardian of twin dragons Reshiram and Zekrom, who are sealed away within his forest. Noire is a fire elemental who was originally summoned by malevolent humans to help destroy the forest that N protects in order to reach and wake up the dragons, only to promptly decide “no thanks” and go off to do her own thing. which incidentally led to her learning to appreciate nature and helping N.

==========

a farmer and a thief (Skye/Emily) AUs:

Elsewhere University AU - Emily is a biology student studying at Elsewhere University (created by charminglyantiquated on Tumblr) who uses Mimi as a safe name, and Skye is a mischevious changeling known on campus as the Phantom Prince who ends up becoming infatuated with her quite by accident.

mythical AU - I haven’t put this selfship in the mythical AU yet, but I do intend to - I’m just having trouble thinking of mythical creatures that fit the characters.

==========

under a bloodcursed sun (Serana/Cansen) AUs:

Dawnguard AU - the “reverse AU” for this selfship. Serana is the daughter of Harkon, leader of the Dawnguard, a renowned group of vampire hunters. He seeks to use the Tyranny of the Sun prophecy to create a relentless eternal day and destroy all vampires, not realising how disruptive this would be to the natural order of the world. Camille is a scholar from the First Era who was sealed away with an Elder Scroll containing part of this prophecy, which stopped her aging, while Isran and the rest of the normal Dawnguard make up the Volkihar vampire clan. After Serana accidentally frees Camille from where she was sealed away, the two of them go on a quest to complete the prophecy, so that Harkon or Isran’s vampires don’t get to it first.

mythical AU - I haven’t put this selfship in the mythical AU yet, but I do intend to - I’m just having trouble thinking of mythical creatures that fit the characters.

==========

[exodusmc]

Insider 05

Genre: Power au, war au, rebel au

Words: 1937

Paring: Light manipulator Baekhyun  x  Reader

Side character/s: Exo,

Warning!: Mentions of bombings and loss of life

a/n: Sorry sorry for being bad at updating. I said that I would try but it didnt go so well:( But I hope everyone is having a good day!

Gif is not mine

Previous  Next

“I spy with my eye...a green thing!” You never thought someone could be so annoying but Jongdae proved you wrong. He never stopped talking or grinning, forest eyes gleaming in dawn.”Come on, guess!”

“I will throw you out the window if you don't shut it!” Jina hissed, gaze still where she drove, through the forest on a small road which had been overgrown. Her skin looked tan from the sun even if the rebels spent the majority of their time underground, a tattoo of a tree following her arm. Tattoos were something you had only seen on performers, like the piercing,  because it was illegal to have them in the army..

“Why are you so boring!”Jongdae may have said something leaning towards displeasure but his tone was only teasing, just like his smile.”I’m just trying to have a good time and get to know our Y/n!”

You didn't look away from the window, kept staring at the dull world outside. The world which was slowly getting back together, you had read about it in a highly classified letter, and that was why you suspected that the blue pills were used. If people could easily grow their own crops and get their own fresh water, then the republic would lose both money and power. They were starting to get afraid of their own people, since it was not only people like Baekhyun who had enough but also the poor. Anger fueled everything according to you, both the rebellion and the iron fist of those who were on top of the throne. 

“Well she doesn't seem to want to hear it so shut it!”the car hummed along, undisturbed by anything happening around it, even as the trees lessened and the fields started to appear, grey as the skyline but yellow flowers grew in them, just like hope in broken hearts. 

-

“You seem happy..”Yixing had a warm smile on his face, crutches helping him stand in the training room. 

Baekhyun turned to look at him, cheeks were still thin but color was slowly returning to the doctor’s face. He was happy, simmingly more in peace with light and not scared like he used to be. Chanyeol really helped him get back.

“ I am…”over Baekhyun’s heart was the pin resting, green petals fanning out like a shield for his mind and life force. 

“That’s good..”the doctor glanced to the other side of  the white room, eyes landing on Sehun and Chanyeol.”I just wanted you to know that I may be gone for a little while..”

Baekhyun’s orbs widened, mouth drying up. Was Yixing leaving too? Why were everyone leaving him all of a sudden? The lull of panic snaked under his skin, something he didn't want to feel, something he forced down.

“I will spend some time with Junmyeon and Kyungsoo...we have some things to look up, but don't worry, I won't be far away.” Yixing smiled, breathing out the old air.”It’s important for you to know that Y/n didn't have a choice but to become who she is..and it’s important that you never forget that because we need her if we are ever going to get peace..”

The doctor stared right in his eyes, studied what was behind them. Baekhyun would play a big part in what was to come but so would you and it meant that Chanyeol couldn't go and make him hate you while Yixing was gone. 

-

“This is it! The long journey can begin!” Jongdae sighed dramatically, hand over his heart as the backpack hung over his shoulders. Blonde hair ruffled around, grin plastered across round lips.”We will miss you Jina! Oh, what shall we do without your guidance?!”

Jina rolled her eyes, both you and Minseok got out of the car as well. Around you were natur greyish but no walls could be seen anywhere, everything was just open. No one was around, you were alone but free at the same time.

“I feel sorry for you..”Jina addressed you for the first time, never having said a word to you through the whole trip. Her dark eyes held a softness you guessed she hadn't been able to show before, probably because who she thought you were.”You have to be alone with these two for a long time...Minseok can be annoying too..”

The named man had an offended look on his face, mouth slightly open and gaze moving between himself and Jongdae, like he couldn't believe who he was compared to. You didn't know how to react at the clear teasing between them, the sympathy Jina seemingly showed you,  because in the army there were only orders for you, orders you gave, never the dynamic of humans. 

“We are not annoying!”a gasp left Jongdae, arm falling around your shoulders. It felt weird, foreign to you, so much so your whole body tensed up and he felt it too, concerned filling his eyes for a second. 

Jongdae knew who you were, what you had done, but he had a hard time actually invisoning you like the reaper Chanyeol swore on. You seemed lost and empty, your eyes so hollow he sometimes wondered if you felt anything at all. 

“Whatever...I need to go, good luck.”the engine roared to life, tires screaming as she turned. Jina disappeared again, leaving you three behind, on your way to a place you didn't know. 

“ I promise you Y/n, we will have so much fun!”Minseok rolled his eyes, watching the surroundings. It looked empty but planes could come anytime, cars as well. The army was out there but so was the rebels. A sigh passed his lips, the sun slowly falling down. He had to find a good place to take shelter before the darkness took over the world. 

-

“The northern part of us has been bombed…”Junmyeon leaned forward, pointing at a map before moving the finger towards where their base where, metall gleaming by his collar ”The survivors have been taken to the rock but they are having a difficult time taking care of everyone..”

“Are there many of them?”Kyungsoo asked, black hair falling down his forehead, eyes deep and dark.

“No...around a hundred of three hundred..”Yixing’s heart hurt as Junmyeon spoke, thinking of all the lives which were lost, taken away by hate. It may have been a small hideout but it was still humans who had died.”But I’m sending you guys and some more medical staff there as aide..”

Kyungsoo nodded, glancing towards Yixing. The doctor still had some problems with walking but it seemed like he was doing better, unlike someone. 

“Everyone will get there through the underground tunnels so that’s why I’m sending you with them Kyungsoo..”Junmyeon straightened up, his head full with what to do. If it was worth it going back and searching for more survoiurs or if they had enough supplies to help. 

Ever since you, Baekhyun and Yixing came to the rebels, things had moved quickly. More blue hospitals had been raided and destroyed, but it meant a stronger wave of soldiers from the republic. A whistleblower had sent him a message about an increase of weaponry and orders to shoot anyone in the poorest districts. War was coming closer and closer, but where were they ready? Maybe...unfortunately only as long as you were on their side. You knew the inside so you could destroy it, you were their brightest, deadliest weapon but they lost you. Junmyeon hoped to make you even deadlier by giving you a reason besides an order to fight.

“How..How is he?”Kyungsoo suddenly asked, breaking Junmyeon out from his own mind. A sad smile formed over his lips, reddish brown hair floating before his eyes. 

“He is stable but..they aren't sure which way it leans..”Jongin had been shot right above his heart, shattering an artery and leaving him almost dead but they managed to save him, at least keeping him from dying. Kyungsoo was closest with him and the paleing of tan skin made him stay awake by the white bed for days.”He will make it, you know how stubborn he can be when he knows someone is waiting..”

-

Sweat poured down your forehead, shoulders aching slightly but you didn't let it show, only stared forward as Jongdae whined over something. You had been walking for about six hours, the terrain slowly filling with trees, but the sun was almost down and so was your water. 

“Let me help you..”Minseok took your bottle, hand slowly starting to glow light blue. You watched as your lukewarm water became ice cold. It was his power, ice. A funny feeling stirred in your stomach, a feeling you didn't understand. Why was he helping you? Why was it making you warm?

He didn't say anything when he gave you back the bottle, a ghost of a smile flashing over his lips before he frowned at Jongdae’s whine, he too wanted cold water. 

   Staring at the flames dance over the wood, you still felt that weird feeling even as the sky was painted with millions of stars. It was uncomfortable for you, like giving your enemy as face and a life. 

“Both these bases are still hidden and without suspicion from the republic..”Minseok unfolded a map, finger landing on two spots. You recognised one as the base you were currently heading towards.”So we shouldn't have to fear being seen from people on the ground but the air is a different story..”

Jongdae leaned forward, eyes following the lines, face serious for the first time ever. He looked different when he wasn't goofing around. 

“The way Junmyeon suggested is kinda safe, I mean we will walk through mainly forest..”Minseok hummed in response, studying the marks on the map.

“We are far away from any bigger city but we usually keep away from visiting different bases, especially if we walk on the ground, so the surroundings may have changed…”the fire sparked, gave of some warmth but you were still hot, listening half hearted as they discussed, however, something caught your interest. 

“How do you go to different places then?”both of them looked at you, surprised that you chose to speak. 

“There are people who can manipulate earth and there are tunnels underground, so we use them for ninety percent of our travel…”so that was why it was so hard to find the rebels, they hid and they never had to go out. The republic started to look more in the air over the last years, searching there as if they could find them there.”..but Kyungsoo had something else he was going to do and there aren't so many in our group…”

Jongdae shrugged when he finished answering, falling down on the ground. He was done eating, becoming lost in the wide sky. Minseok had a wary glimt in his eyes, unsure if you could be trusted or if it would be dangerous to talk with you about some things. 

“What is the most common power?”the reports you had read said that it was between water and fire, but you had never cared before.

“Ah...I don't know..It’s not healing and probably not lightning either..”Jongdae grinned at his own power, pride swelling his chest.”..Maybe water?”

“It’s a hard thing to answer because everyone's a little different and we have no clue how many there are out there..”Minseok held your gaze, voice soft as he spoke.”But let’s try to get some sleep now…”.

Tags: @shesdreaminginoverdose​