#and today he mentioned that he was hanging out with his friends NYE | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jelenamasterpost · 3 years ago

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2012

INDEX: purple font signifies importance, whether that be a specific date, quote, etc - I will later release a full index of all important dates and information combing each year of the Jelena timeline, but in the meantime, purple font signifies key information in their story to later come back to.

January 1st:

Selena celebrated NYE by Justin's side at his private party at the Glass House in NYC following his performance on Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve:

"He...danced with Selena, showing off, picking her up and swinging her around like it was Dancing With the Stars," a source tells E!

*E! article here (x)

January 2nd:

Selena tweets (a now deleted) photo she posted to her instagram of Justin with a big smile captioned:

“This smile is because of Carly Rae Jepsen.. We have not stopped listening to your song girl!” in response to CRJ’s single “Call Me Maybe”

*tweet here (x)

January 3rd:

Selena was spotted getting gas and McDonalds on way to Justin’s house

*photos here (x)

January 4th:

Justin, Selena, Taylor Swift, JoJo and Francia attend The Laugh Factory in Los Angeles

*photos / article here (x) (x)

January 6th:

Justin and Selena are photographed in Los Cabos, Mexico

*photos here (x)

January 7th:

Photos of Justin and Selena in Los Cabos, Mexico

*photos here (x)

January 9th:

Justin adds photo of him and Selena in Los Cabos, Mexico to instagram captioned:

“2 much fun”

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Justin Bieber (@justinbieber)

instagram

January 10th:

Selena and Justin are photographed arriving at a restaurant together in Hollywood, California

*full article / photos here (x)

January 13th:

Selena and Justin are spotted by fans while walking with Baylor in Balboa Park, California

*full article / photos here (x)

January 14th:

Selena and Justin are spotted and photographed grocery shopping together with some family members in Encino, CA

*photos here (x)

January 15th:

Selena and Justin are photographed arriving at a friends house for Football Sunday

*full article / photos here (x)

January 16th:

Justin and Selena drive to Disney Land and were spotted walking on streets of Anaheim

*photos here (x)

January 17th:

Justin and Selena attend Disneyland together and are spotted kissing - they also run into Selena’s on-screen mom, actress Maria Canals Barrera, who tweeted a photo of herself with Selena and Justin writing “You never know who you’ll bump into at Disney Land.”

*full article / photos here (x) (x) (x)

January 22nd:

Selena continues her We Own The Night World Tour for the final South American leg of the tour this evening in San Juan, Puerto Rico.

The tour runs through January 22nd-February 11th

Fans spot both Selena and Justin in San Juan and take fan photos with the couple - Alfredo later confirms Justin was indeed in Puerto Rico but that they were flying back to LA the following day

Alfredo Flores:

"Went to dinner tonight in Puerto Rico. Justin ended up eating fish… I wanted him to try something Puerto Rican but he really wanted fish.. LOL what a waste of trying. Selena had a great show though and it was awesome seeing all the fans at the arena. I met so many of you and it was so much fun. Last day tomorrow and then we have to fly back to LA. Enjoying my last moments tomorrow. Te Amo."

*photos here (x) / Wikipedia tour dates (x)

February 2nd:

Selena covers the March issue of Cosmo and mentions Justin a few times in her interview

Talking about Justin:

“I’m just like every 19-year-old girl. If you’re in love, you’re in love to the fullest, and you just want to go to the movies, hang out, and be as normal as possible. I’m fortunate that I’ve found someone who has that philosophy … [Love] is the most powerful thing. When it comes to my family, friends, a relationship … it centers me. You only live once, and I want to be proud of everything that I do and just have fun. I want to be able to say that I had a really fulfilled, fun life.”

Talking about Nick, an ex:

“I was in a relationship previously where I had to hide everything and it wasn’t my choice. I had to go through different exits and take separate cars and do the craziest things, and it just really wasn’t worth it. It was like a year of my life completely wasted.”

February 11th:

Selena officially finishes her We Own The Night World Tour as she performs her final show of her South American leg in Montevideo, Uruguay

She also announced via her official Facebook that her and her band Selena Gomez & The Scene would be taking a prolonged hiatus as she will focusing primarily on acting this year:

This tour has been amazing, Thank you all for all the love and support you have shown me on this tour. Today is the last show but.... I will be back. Love you all.

Just to clear up my last instagram post, my band and I are going our separate ways for a while. This year is all about films and acting and I want my band to play music wherever with whoever. We will be back but, it will be a good while. I love them and I love you guys

*Facebook status here (x)

February 12th:

Justin is photographed picking up Selena from LaGuardia Airport in New York, who just finished her South American tour the night prior

They're later photographed together shopping in H&M and again that evening getting dinner at Thai Bistro in Manhattan posing for fan photos

*photos here (x) / here (x) / and here (x)

February 13th:

Justin and Selena are seen arriving at their New York City hotel on the eve of Valentines Day.

Justin gifted Selena a diamond ring for Valentines Day with the letter "J" on it - she uploaded a photo of her hand and the ring to Instagram with the caption:

"I'm finally home :)"

*E! article / photo of ring here (x)

February 14th:

Justin and Selena spend part of their Valentines Day at Disneyland with his whole family and were photographed carrying around his younger siblings.

*full article / photos here (x)

February 15th:

Justin and Selena are spotted at iHop and Chuck E Cheese in Encino, California

*photos here (x) / and here (x)

February 17th:

Justin and Selena were spotted/filmed while out shopping at The Beverly Centre

Justin and Selena later took to the Malibu oceanfront with his younger siblings and were photographed

*beach photos here (x) beverly centre here footage here (x)

February 18th:

Justin and Selena were photographed out as they took his younger siblings, Jaxon and Jazmyn, for a trip to Japanese spot Benihana in Los Angeles.

Stuart Montalvo, general manager of the restaurant, tells HollywoodLife.com:

“Justin and Selena were here this past Saturday with a group of people. They are really nice and polite. They come here quite often and usually order the same thing: Rocky’s Choice, which is Hibachi steak and chicken breast. Justin’s younger brother and sister were also with them. It was a family affair. Everyone was in a great mood and laughing and having fun. Justin and Selena were very affectionate. They were holding hands when they walked in and when they left. They looked like they are very fond of each other.”

Justin and Selena recruit their friend Ashley Tisdale and crew (including Ashley's boyfriend Martin Johnson from Boys Like Girls, Sammy Droke, Mateo Arias, Logan Henderson, Kendall Schmidt and Carlos Pena) to film themselves lip-synching and dancing to Carly Rae Jepsen’s Call Me Maybe in a home-made video

*photos earlier that day here (x)

youtube

February 19th:

Taylor Swift films "dance challenge" with Zac Efron on behalf of Ellen's dare at the premiere of The Lorax, and includes footage from the same day of the premiere dancing up on Justin in the studio and Selena at the event

*full article here (x) (x) *full video here (x)

February 22nd:

Justin and Selena went to UNDER THE GUN tattoo parlor in Hollywood to get Selena her first tattoo. Jordan Sandoval tweeted a picture of Selena and Louie, the tattoo artist who tattooed her.

(he is quoted saying its a heart, but its actually a music symbol and has been long speculated to actually be a disguised "J")

“She got a little heart tattoo at Under The Gun, in Hollywood by Louie Gomez @selenagomez.”

Carly Rae Jepsen and Justin hang out in the studio, upload a photo together and announce they've recorded a song via Twitter

Carly's Tweet:

I finally got to say thank you in person. Ps @/kukharrell @/justinbieber and I may have worked on a little song tonight.

Justin's Tweet:

my first impression of @/carlyraejepsen - kind, talented, and the real deal. this is going to be fun. welcome to the team.

*tattoo parlour photos here (x)

February 23rd:

Justin and Selena are photographed as they stop at The Commons at Calabasas in Calabasas, California - they later stopped for coffee at Starbucks and frozen yogurt at Menchie’s with their entourage, and Justin debuts his dyed brunette hair.

*full article / photos here (x)

February 25th:

Justin and Selena are photographed having lunch together at Sushi Den then again as they head into the Sherman Oaks Galleria to catch an afternoon movie together in Sherman Oaks, Calif.

Justin adds a photo of him and Selena to his Instagram

Later that evening while grabbing dinner they met Richard Reid in an elevator and stopped to pose for a photo with him that Richard ended up posting to his Twitter - after being flooded with questions from Justin fans, he began answering a few, revealing publicly via Twitter that there was boob grabbing (?)

*photos from earlier in the day here (x) Richard Reid photo here (x) Richard Reid tweet here (x)

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A post shared by Justin Bieber (@justinbieber)

instagram

February 26th:

Justin and Selena are photographed by fans renting movies at a Hollywood Blockbuster

Selena speaks to Access Hollywood about her new diamond studded ring in the shape of a "J" from Justin and whether or not its an engagement ring. When asked to show off the jewelry, she suddenly came down with a sudden case of stage fright:

“No, no — that’s like almost a friendship ring, it’s just for fun.”

“No! You’ll see it in pictures!”

“I get nervous.” she added with a laugh.

*blockbuster photos here (x) / AccessHollywood article here (x)

February 27th:

Selena officially begins filming Spring Breakers in St. Petersburg Florida alongside Vanessa Hudgens and Ashley Benson

February 29th:

Justin films his appearance for The Ellen DeGeneres Show (that airs the following day) to reveal that the first single from his upcoming album, Believe, was called Boyfriend and would be released March 26th - while filming, he's surprised and gifted an electric car from his manager Scooter Braun for his birthday

*full article here (x)

March 1st:

Selena adds photo to instgram for Justin’s birthday captioned:

Happy birthday to my best friend in the whole world!!! Have a great birthday baby!

March 2nd:

Selena is photographed leaving a medical clinic after getting bloodwork while still in St. Petersburg Florida

She's later seen arriving into LAX, having flown in for Justin's birthday party

Justin’s birthday party is this evening and Carly Rae Jepsen performs - Selena, their mutual agent Nick Styne, Jaden Smith, Ashley Tisdale, Ryan Good, Tori Kelly, Alfredo, Ashley Cook and Samantha Droke are also in attendance

*Medical Clinic article here (x) / DailyMail article here (x) / JustJared photos (x)

March 5th:

Its been reported that Justin is buying a $10.8million property in the Hollywood Hills to set up for himself and Selena

*DailyMail article here (x)

March 11th:

Justin flies down to Florida and takes Selena, Ashley Benson and her boyfriend Ryan Good, Justin's mom and his grandparents for a fishing trip excursion.

They are later spotted by fans at Gratzzi Italian Grille and Cracker Barrel before ending up back at their hotel.

Justin tweeted:

"great day fishing. time with grandpa doing the simple things in life. great day."

"Show the ones you love you love them. Take the time to make sure they know,"

*DailyMail article here (x) more photos here (x)

March 12th:

Justin visits Selena on the set of Spring Breakers

Later that evening, they meet up for dinner and drinks at a sports bar with Ashley Benson and Ryan Good in St. Petersburg Florida and have their first public fight - shortly after arriving Justin stormed out of the bar, followed by Selena chasing after him to their car.

“Justin’s security team drove the battling couple down the street to an alley where they had a ‘private conversation.’ After settling their dispute, they went back to the bar and continued boozing it up. By the time they left it was clear that the underage couple appeared to have had too much alcohol to drink.”

They were later photographed leaving the restaurant seeming to have made amends, but were reported to have been intoxicated.

*full article detailing fight here (x) *justin visiting set photos here (x)

March 13th:

Justin is photographed arriving back into LAX from Florida

March 15th:

Selena, Justin and her family are photographed leaving Cedars Sinai Medical Office Towers in Los Angeles California - Selena had a bandage around her arm where it looked like she had blood taken.

Upon getting in the car, Justin laid down in the seat so he wouldn't be seen by the camera.

*full article here (x)

March 16th:

Justin is photographed at Cedars-Sinai Medical Centre waiting outside in his vehicle and allegedly is there with Selena - she was also there the day before getting blood work

*full article / photos here (x)

March 26th:

Justin does a radio interview with Ryan Seacrest on KIIS-FM explained how he tries to stay busy while Selena is away filming her movie:

“I work all day, it keeps me occupied.”

March 30th:

Justin sits down with Complex and talks about Selena and growing up in the game:

Complex: Obviously, you and Selena are fodder for the gossip blogs everyday. How hard is it to keep your relationship private?

JB: It’s so hard, because everyone’s got a camera-phone, and now everyone wants to get their picture on the blogs. So they’ll send anything that they have to the blogs. So you don’t really get any privacy. If I want to go out to eat, if I’m in L.A., I just have to expect that there’s going to be someone there. That’s the only thing that I don’t like.

Complex: Is it tough for you guys? A lot of people like, hate it. Do you guys hate it, or is it like, “This comes with the territory, we’ve got to deal with it, it sucks?”

JB: I’m kind of both. I don��t like it, but I understand it. I’ll be covering my face or something, and the comment that pisses me off so much is, “Oh, get over it, Justin. You’re famous. People are going to take your picture. Just suck it up. You’re rich. You’re making a lot of money. Suck it up. This is one of the things that you have to do.” I’m like, “Yo I just got off an eight-hour flight. I’m tired. My eyes have bags under them. I’m not trying to take pictures.” I’m not going to come to your house, wake you up out of a deep sleep and start snapping your picture, no matter how you look right now. It doesn’t matter. When I get off a flight, I’m not trying to sit there and let them take pictures of me. I’m tired. I’m scratching my eyes. I just don’t like taking pictures in general.

Complex: There’s been high profile couples in history: Justin and Britney, Jay and Beyoncé. Jay and Beyoncé kind of kept it private. Everyone knew they were together, but they kept it quiet. Even with the kid, they kept it so under wraps. Do you learn anything from those relationships? And do you guys talk about that?

JB: Yeah. I mean, for me, it’s like, there’s no way to hide it completely, because then it would be unfair for us. Then, we’re not even able to have a relationship. It’s like, “You take this car, and I’ll take this car, and then we’ll meet up at the spot. Then, you go in this door, I’ll go in this door. We’ll end up crossing ways. You get back in this car. We’ll cross over, do a James Bond. You go through the kitchen. I’ll go through the back area. Then we’ll meet in the dressing room and see each other.” At that point, it’s like, it’s not even a relationship. You’re just hiding from everyone. That’s unfair and unhealthy, man.

*full Complex article here (x)

March 31st:

Justin and Selena both attend The Kids Choice Awards though walk the red carpet separately - Justin gets slimed during the ceremony and they both win awards

(note to self: Selena seems a bit high during interviews backstage)

April 4th:

Selena and Justin are photographed having a Subway picnic overlooking the city at Griffith Park in Los Angeles.

*full article / photos here (x)

April 5th:

Justin and Selena held hands as they headed to Panera Bread for lunch in Glendale, California

*DailyMail article / photos here (x)

April 6th:

Justin and Selena were photographed getting food at the Chick-fil-A drive-thru

*full article / photos here (x)

April 7th:

Justin and Selena were spotted by fans at a grocery store and posed for photos

*photos here (x)

April 9th:

Justin, Selena and Alfredo are spotted/photographed by fans while going to watch American Reunions in theatres

*photos here (x)

April 11th:

Seventeen Magazine releases their May issue with Justin on the cover and ask about Selena during his interview:

Seventeen: Everyone is so interested in your personal life, especially your relationship with Selena. A lot of your fans don’t approve…

Justin: Everyone has haters, so you always have to deal with the negativity and be positive about it. I don’t think it’s nice; I’d rather they be nice, but at the end of the day I don’t let it affect me.

Seventeen: You’ve planned some amazing dates for Selena - who taught you to be so romantic?

Justin: I’m just trying to make her happy, that’s all. I think it’s important to make all woman feel like they’re princesses because every girl is a princess, I’m serious.

Seventeen: Will.I.am said he thinks it’s important for people to experience heartbreak so they’ll have something to sing about. What do you think?

Justin: I haven’t gone through it so I don’t really know what it’s about. I don’t think anyone wants to have heartbreak. I haven’t been in that deep a place yet, but I’m still looking. I’m still learning every day.

Seventeen: Would you and Selena ever record music together?

Justin: Yeah. I love her music, so maybe we could collaborate.

*full article here (x)

April 12:

Justin, Selena and Alfredo are photographed snowboarding at Big Bear Ski Resort in Big Bear Lake, California

*photos here (x)

April 14th:

Justin and Selena go to Jupiter, Florida for the weekend to celebrate the wedding of one of Justin’s friends and check into The Inn at Admiral’s Cove

They later attend Allison Kaye's wedding

*full article here (x)

April 17th:

Justin and Selena attend Lakers game together after both separately appearing on DWTS and American Idol, and publicly share an intimate kiss when put on the spot via the events Kiss Cam

April 19th:

During an interview with The Insider to promote her new perfume line, Selena is put to the test to correctly guess Justin's perfume through a sniff-test:

"The Insider's Brooke Anderson lined up three unlabeled fragrances for Selena, which included Justin's Someday perfume, challenging her to pick out his scent from the trio.

"I'm such a bad girlfriend," Selena sheepishly muttered when she confused Someday for Paris.

Selena revealed that Justin is impressed with her concoction and went on to explain why his opinion carried so much weight when she was creating the scent for her perfume, not only as a fellow perfumer, but also as a guy, citing "romantic" reasons."

*full video here (x)

April 20th:

Selena debuts a new additional music video for Hit The Lights

Selena appears on On Air with Ryan Seacrest and opens up about her Kiss Cam at the Lakers game earlier this week, and Justin’s upcoming debut with Taylor Swift.

Asked about the Kiss Cam, Selena called it "the most humiliating thing that’s ever happened to me, probably."

“They were showing these little elderly couples, and it was so cute. Then all of a sudden we’re both looking up and we come on the screen and it’s like … it was so awkward. It was so weird. I mean you have to kiss, right?”

"They wrote a song together and it’s beautiful - it’s amazing - I don’t know if it will make the album, but if not I’m sure they’ll release it at some point, because it’s a really great record. It’s kind of like … it’s Taylor and Justin combined. So it’s a little bit of an upbeat song, but it’s very acoustic.”

*full video interview here (x) / *full RadarOnline article here (x)

April 21st:

Selena visits Justin on set for his music video “Boyfriend” and the two are photographed hugging/kissing/being affectionate

*full article / photos here (x)

April 27th:

UsWeekly releases a special edition of their magazine featuring Justin and exclusive photos/interviews titled Inside My World: Justin Bieber. He's questioned about Selena during his interview and mentions recently gifting her a diamond bracelet:

UsWeekly: At least you get quality time with Selena. What do you love about her?

Justin: I dunno! She just carries herself in a very elegant way. And my family loves her, which is usually hard because my mom’s really picky. My mom wants, you know, a good Christian girl with good manners.

UsWeekly: Do you understand girls better now?

Justin: Well, every girl is different, so they are hard to figure out. Like, the way most men work is the same. But each woman works differently. It’s like I can’t figure them out! But I do know girls like you to tell them you love them and that they’re all beautiful all the time. So I do that a lot with any girl I’m with. I tell them that as much as possible.

UsWeekly: Most romantic gift you’ve ever given?

Justin: I’m not saying to who- but I gave a girl an expensive diamond bracelet recently. It was so pretty, I knew she’d love it!

UsWeekly: Would you and Selena ever do a duet?Yeah. I think she’s very talented.

Justin: That would be very cool. We have nothing planned- but I’m not opposed to it!

*full interview here (x)

May 16th:

Justin featured in GQ magazine/interview:

"I keep my guard up a lot," the singer says in the latest issue of GQ.

"Because you know, you can’t trust anyone in this business. That’s what’s sad. You can’t trust anybody. I learned the hard way.”

May 18th:

The Hollywood Gossip reports that Justin and Selena may have broken up after Justin cryptically tweets/deletes:

“thank u for the time i had with you but i have to move on now..”

*full article here (x)

May 20th:

Justin attends Billboard Music Awards solo in Las Vegas

May 20th:

Justin sits down with Sunday Times for an interview and reveals when news of his “love child” with Mariah Yeater broke, Selena called him right away. Justin also revealed that he wrote a song dedicated to Selena titled 'Be Alright.'

“She was like, ‘Do you see what they’re saying on the internet?’ I was like ‘Yeah.’ She was, like, ‘So…’ I was, like ‘No, it’s not true’. ‘Okay, thank you, bye!’ That was it, she trusts me."

“I’m going to call my girlfriend.” So he does, reaching Selena on the Florida set of her new film Spring Breakers.

“Whats up baby? I can’t stop thinking about you… I said I can’t stop thinking about you. That’s all. Yes, so, um, I gotta do this interview but I just wanted to call and hear your voice really quickly… Okay, I love you. Okay bye.”

Skype and FaceTime keep them connected, he says.

“Ten years ago, or even five years, long distance relationships were much harder. Now you see each other anytime you want!”

May 25th:

Justin and Selena reunite as he picks her up from the LAX airport

*full article (x) / photos (x)

May 26th:

Selena and Justin are photographed out for a lunch date at Benihana in Sherman Oaks. Afterwards the two snuck out the back door hand-in-hand. Selena then went her own way as she cruised to a nearby 76 gas station in Encino to fill her Ford Escape

*photos here (x)

May 27th:

Selena and Justin were strolling an outdoor mall in Calabasas when paparazzi began harassing them as they were trying to leave. According to witnesses (and photos taken) this photographer was so aggressive that he even blocked Justin's car, and was said to be rudely harassing Selena "about the herpes (coldsore) on her lip" while trying to capture a photo of her. After they began harassing Selena, Justin got out of his car and went to smack the camera from his hands and him and the photographer both fell off the curb.

The photographer was taken away by ambulance AND filed a police report that named Justin as the culprit. The Los Angles County Sheriff's office is investigating and say they will talk to Justin.

One of the girls who supposedly was there shared this:

"long story short; the paps were blocking his car and wouldnt move, he got mad after asking them to move, justin tried to knock their camera, the pap and justin both fell off the curb, he lost his shoe and hat while fighting him, selena and justin left and came back because selena lost her phone, and the paps would not get out of her face, and then they left and now the paps are trying to get money from the whole thing"

Another girl that was allegedly there as a witness had nearly the exact same story as above, except in addition she added the paparazzi were rudely asking Selena "about the herpes on her lip," and that's when and why Justin knocked his camera.

*full video to story above here (x)

May 28th:

Selena attends producer Joel Silver‘s Memorial Day party in Malibu

Selena and Justin have dinner date

*full article / photos here (x)

May 30th:

Detectives want to interview Justin and Selena after a photographer claims he was attacked by Justin at a Calabasas shopping mall Sunday, but authorities continue to seek additional witnesses.

In a statement released Tuesday, the Sheriff's Department said the investigation was continuing and that detectives "are planning to interview Mr. Bieber." Law enforcement sources said Selena is among the witnesses detectives would like to talk to. Detectives are investigating claims by the photographer that Justin struck him after he snapped photographs of Selena at the Commons at Calabasas Shopping Center.

The photographer complained of pain and was taken by the Los Angeles County Fire Department to a hospital, where he was treated and released, officials said. The sources, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because the investigation was ongoing, stressed that the probe was in its early stages.

*source here (x)

June 7th:

Selena’s photoshoot and interview for her Elle cover is released where she briefly mentions Justin renting out LA's Staples Center for a private screening of Titanic:

"If I'll share anything with you, it's that he really is a hopeless romantic. I had just mentioned it in the car - all I said is that I really want to see Titanic again, and then."

June 11th:

Justin joined Selena's mom and step-dad at the Right to Laugh event hosted by the Alliance for Children's Rights at the Avalon in Hollywood. Selena's mom Mandy, a huge supporter of the organization, purchased an entire table to support the cause, and invited Justin to accompany her family.

"Selena and Justin sat side-by-side," a source tells PEOPLE.

"They were laughing and smiling the whole evening. They were being very low-key and gracious as to not take away any attention from the cause."

June 15th:

Justin officially releases his third studio album Believe and many of the album's songs are inspired by Selena and their relationship, including Be Alright, a song about their long distance relationship, that Justin wrote by himself:

Across the ocean, across the sea

Startin' to forget the way you look at me now

Over the mountains, across the sky

Need to see your face and need to look in your eyes

Through the storm and, through the clouds

Bumps on the road and upside down now

I know it's hard baby, to sleep at night

Don't you worry

Selena is referenced by name in the song Beauty & A Beat during Nicki Minaj's rap:

“Justin Bieber / You know I'm gonna hit 'em with the ether / Buns out, wiener/ But I gotta keep an eye out for Selener”

*Be Alright audio here (x)

June 15th:

Selena arrives into Toronto Pearson International airport and Justin is photographed picking her up.

*photos here (x) / (x)

June 16th:

Selena and Justin are photographed boarding a helicopter to fly them into his hometown Stratford Ontario where Justin later sang Baby on steps of the Avon Theatre

*full articles (x)

June 17th:

Justin and Selena both attend Much Music Video Awards ceremony in Toronto, Canada where Justin was performing and Selena was presenting - they walked the red carpet separately and didn't pose for any photos together

*photos here (x)

June 25th:

Justin and Selena have dinner date at Geoffrey’s in Malibu and are later seen departing in Justin’s "party bus"

*photos here (x)

June 26th:

Justin and Selena attend Katy Perry’s “Part of Me” documentary premiere at Chateau Marmont in Los Angeles - Justin skipped the red carpet

Later that evening Justin and Selena arrive at the Bootsy Bellows lounge with Katy Perry and Robert Pattinson in West Hollywood for the after party and headed to a private room in the back of the lounge:

“Justin and Selena shared a table with friends,” a spywitness tells JustJared.com of the after-party.

“They were very affectionate the whole night, holding hands and sharing kisses. Katy and Amber Heard, and Shannon Woodward spent a good portion of the night sitting and chatting with them. Everyone was laughing and having a great time, taking pictures with each other and snacking on mini-cupcakes.”

*full article / photos here (x)

June 28th:

Justin cut short a pre-taped interview with U.S. radio show Mojo in the Morning after the host compared him to Justin Timberlake and quizzed him about a potential romance between his mother and One Direction's Harry Styles.

Thomas Carballo, the host of the show, was in the middle of a phone chat with Justin when he (rightfully so) took offence at his line of questioning - and hung up.

The 10-minute interview got off to a bad start when Carballo told Justin he thought he was Timberlake the first time he heard him.

Justin said, "That's funny because our voices sound nothing alike... Saying I sound like somebody else is definitely not a compliment."

Justin eased up when talking about his new song Maria, which was inspired by the woman who falsely claimed he was the father of her baby last year, but he lost his cool when Carballo got personal and asked if he was worried about Harry Styles falling for his mum.

The DJ said, "Do you worry about Harry around your mum, since he likes older women?"

Clearly upset, Justin then mumbled something about Carballo's mother and, as the radio presenter explained his mum was dead, Justin had already hung up the phone.

A record company representative then tried to convince the DJ that Justin's phone had cut off, explaining, "I can't get him. He's in a really s**tty area."

She later revealed Justin was "really upset" with the questions, adding, "He probably won't be calling back."

*source here (x)

June 30th:

Justin and Selena enjoy a walk around Lake Balboa in Van Nuys, California, stopped at an ice cream truck with Alfredo and stopped by Bronco Burrito for some lunch.

*full article / photos here (x)

#jelena #selena gomez #justin bieber #jelena timeline #jelena masterpost #taylor swift #demi lovato #ashley tisdale #ashley benson #jaden smith #carly rae jepsen #francia raisa #alfredo flores #scooter braun #believe album #spring breakers #Instagram #Youtube

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old-childhood-drama · 4 years ago

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Taylor Swift and Joe Jonas Masterpost (Toe/Jaylor)

Before dating (May 2008)

We start with the Taylor lookalike

In May 2008 the Jonas Brothers are filming their music video for Burnin’ Up [x]. Joe’s love interest in it is played by a blonde girl who looks quite a bit (and she’s also styled) like Taylor Swift, for reference, this is the music video that has Selena Gomez as Nick Jonas’ love interest.

As far as we know they hadn’t even met so we don’t know exactly what this was supposed to mean, maybe Joe had a crush on Taylor or maybe it’s a coincidence.

We do know that Nick and Selena were dating when this was filmed and that by the time the MV was released (July 4th, 2008) Joe and Taylor were officially dating.

Toe is alive! (July 2008 – September 2008)

On Tour

Fans claim to have seen Taylor around the tour in early July, which matches with Taylor’s lyrics in "Last Kiss".

Last Kiss. Taylor Swift.

I do recall now the smell of the rain

Fresh on the pavement, I ran off the plane

That July 9th, the beat of your heart

It jumps through your shirt

On July 14th, Taylor and The Jonas Brothers perform “Should’ve Said No”[x] from her debut album, and this performance now forever exists in their 3D movie (a classic), a cute fact is that some fans have said that Taylor tripped when she first came out, so they had to repeat it for the movie.

On July 20th Joe flies to Wyoming to watch Taylor opening up for Rascal Flatts, and they flew back and she was spotted at the Omaha show.

She’s seen in a couple shows more and she joins the stage again for their Madison Square Garden shows in August [x]. They sing “Even now just looking at you feels wrong”.

They’re together but they’re not together.

For more context, we must remember that Taylor was a very new artist from a small label and The Jonas were pretty much at their peak and Disney’s biggest act, and they were managed like crazy and could never even think about being seen with someone in a romantic way. Any rumors were denied so fast, and Disney did the absolute most to keep it secret. So according to everyone they were just good friends, at the time both Taylor and Selena were annoyed by all the secrecy.

Now back to the timeline:

Taylor is backstage of the tour A LOT for the next couple of weeks right next to the other not-girlfriends Selena and Danielle.

She films a cameo for the “Love Is on Its Way” [x] video for the concert in New York. She was said to be only interested in hanging out with Joe and they were seen hugging *gasp* I know it doesn’t seem like much now but back then this was the hottest gossip and again the Jonas were not supposed to breathe near any human of the opposite gender.

Taylor and the Jonas were staying at the same hotel a bunch of rumors ensued, but I will not talk about the whole Olympics and Toe locking themselves in a room at midnight thing. If it’s real, we really needed to touch some grass and stop staying outside of people's rooms all night.

On August 17th Joe goes to Ryan Seacrest's show and denied that Taylor is his girlfriend in the best way a corporation like Disney can train you to deny something that’s true. Saying Taylor is “a great girl and I think anybody would be lucky to date her. I think anybody would love to go on a date with her.”

And Taylor tells People Magazine “He’s an amazing guy and anybody would be lucky to be dating him” Cinematic parallels.

Taylor is spotted in the back (in a mirror) of one of the Jonas youtube videos [x]. Basically, we all knew they were together.

The Central Park date (August 28th)

Now if you were a fan of either the Jonas Brothers, Selena, or Taylor you know this next part and it the iconic triple date of Central Park.

Again, this is kind of famous at this point and Selena has been quoted saying how awful it was because the boys were not allowed to be seen with them so they all went to Central Park (Selena’s first time in Central Park) and Taylor and Selena walked about 20 feet of distance from the guys so nobody would think they were together but we all already knew because it wasn’t like they were that good at hiding it and there are pictures of them together that night (the clownery of it all).

These backstage tour adventures are the reason Taylor and Selena are friends today and in Selena’s own words the best thing to come out of those relationships.

VMAs (September 2008)

With how many pictures of them together that night [x] [x] [x] exist you would think they had gone together as a couple but no just two besties! The 2008 VMAs are so the show where Russell Brand mocks the Jonas Brothers and their purity rings and Taylor publicly defends them.

Toe seems happy for the rest of September but as we know now the end is near.

The Break-Up (October 2008)

Social Media was different back then and Taylor did what every teen girl with a broken heart did in 2008 and she went to myspace with an edited post to make a statement about the Toe current situation.

Post-Breakup

The 27 seconds Joe Jonas will regret for the rest of his life.

Taylor went on Ellen and I don’t even think I need to say much this interview is THAT iconic she sat on that couch and told the world exactly how Joe had broken her heart in the following two quotes:

“There’s one that’s about that guy, but…that guy’s not in my life anymore unfortunately. That guy…that’s an ouch.”

“I’m not even gonna be able to remember the boy who broke up with me over the phone in 25 seconds when I was 18…it was like 27 seconds, that’s got to be a record.” [x]

She also went on Ryan Seacrest’s and when asked about the perfect guy she saw an opportunity and took it, saying “I used to always say sense of humor, but I think that it’s important to have the same kind of sense of humor. I have a really dry, sarcastic sense of humor and if somebody doesn’t think that my sense of humor is funny, then that’s not something that is good. Um, so sometimes you know, that can be a wrong match. If they’re not allowed to go in public with me, that’s sort of an issue too.” [x]

Bonus the amazing youtube video Taylor posted with Joe’s Camp Rock doll and how he comes with his own phone to break up with other dolls [x]. Taylor eventually went full out and cited Camilla Belle (then girlfriend of Joe) as the reason for the breakup. And you know someone at Disney’s PR office wanted to die when this was going down.

So finally, Joe was forced to acknowledge the whole situation with a Myspace post:

"I never cheated on a girlfriend. It might make someone feel better to assume or imply I have been unfaithful, but it is simply not true. Maybe there were reasons for a breakup. Maybe the heart moved on. Perhaps feelings changed. I am truly saddened that anything would potentially cause you to think less of me. For those who have expressed concern over the "27 second” phone call. I called to discuss feelings with the other person. Those feelings were obviously not well received. I did not end the conversation. Someone else did. Phone calls can only last as long as the person on the other end of the line is willing to talk. “

Forever & Always

Now this song is known as THE Toe song and it was born out of the end of the relationship when she felt Joe was getting distant, but she couldn’t do anything to help it, it was made really late into the production of Fearless so she had to rush to finish it in time (so no other breakup songs are about Joe in the original album).

Forever & Always Was I out of line? Did I say something way too honest, made you run and hide Like a scared little boy I looked into your eyes Thought I knew you for a minute, now I’m not so sure

In the 2009 Grammy's Taylor and Miley (insert The Ex-Girlfriends Club Theory here) performed Fifteen (obviously not about Joe) and the Jonas were in the audience. I believe this is probably around the time Taylor writes Mr. Perfectly Fine and You All Over Me, which we know get to have thanks to Fearless (Taylor’s Version) 13 years later.

You All Over Me

The best and worst day of June

Was the one that I met you

With your hands in your pockets

And your 'don't you wish you had me' grin

But I did, so I smiled, and I melted like a child

Now every breath of air I breathe reminds me of then

Mr. Perfectly Fine

'Cause I hear he's got his arm 'round a brand-new girl

I've been pickin' up my heart, he's been pickin' up her

And I never got past what you put me through

But it's wonderful to see that it never phased you

In November of 2009, she also goes to SNL and mocks Joe in her monologue. "You might think I'd bring up Joe That guy who broke up with me on the phone But I'm not gonna mention him *rolls eyes* In my monologue [Spoken:]Hey Joe, I'm doing real well, tonight I'm hosting SNL [Sings:]But I'm not gonna brag about that In my monologue [x]"

To make things even more dramatic and very awkward The Jonas Brothers, Demi Lovato, and Taylor Swift spent NYE together watching the ball drop on TV and this was probably not how they wanted to start their years. [x] [x] [x] and a video [x]

Now let’s discussed some of the songs that came out at the time. The Jonas response to Forever & Always was Much Better. Nick described it as a song that was very personal to Joe and Joe went on to say that it was based on his very interesting year. They also at some point wanted to pretend the song was about their love for their fans but come on. Joe also changed the lyrics from ‘superstar’ to ‘country star’ and later changed it to ‘movie stars’ when he broke up with Camilla who is the ‘Much Better’ girl from the song.

Much Better - Jonas Brothers

I get a rep for breakin’ hearts

Now I’m done with superstars

And all the tears on her guitar

I’m not bitter

But now I see

Everything I’d ever need

Is the girl in front of me

She’s much better

Taylor’s iconic response in Better Than Revenge seems to be more of an attack on Camilla. She’s spoken about her regret for this song since then and hasn’t played it in years and Camilla seems to be ok we never forgiving her for it [x] [x]. Regardless this song remains a staple of the genre ‘Feminism OFF, Bops ON’.

“I was 18 when I wrote [“Better Than Revenge.”] That’s the age you are when you think someone can actually take your boyfriend. Then you grow up and realize no one can take someone from you if they don’t want to leave”. - Taylor 2014.

Better Than Revenge - Taylor Swift

Let's hear the applause (Come on, come on)

Come on, show me how much better you are

(So much better, yeah?)

See you deserve some applause

'Cause you're so much better

She also released "Last Kiss" about the nicer part of their relationship, and some believe other songs such as If This Was a Movie, Haunted (Speak Now) and Jump Then Fall (Fearless) are about Joe. From the Jonas, the other song believed to be about Taylor is Paranoid (Lines, Vines and Trying Times).

Jump Then Fall

Well, I like the way your hair falls in your face

You got the keys to me

I love each freckle on your face, oh

I've never been so wrapped up, honey

Probably a song was written about and in the early days of their romance and the long hair freckles [x] thing definitely fits 2008 Joe.

If This Was a Movie

Baby, what about the ending?

Oh, I thought you'd be here by now

Thought you'd be here by now

According to some this song is a sister song to "Last Kiss" in the same album and that is confirmed to be about Joe.

Haunted

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this

I thought I had you figured out

Something's gone terribly wrong

Won't finish what you started

This song would be a sister to Forever & Always since Taylor described both to be about a relationship that was fading in the end and that she was confused as to how they got there in the first place.

"‘Haunted’ is about the moment that you realize the person you’re in love with is drifting and fading fast. And you don’t know what to do, but in that period of time, in that phase of love, where it’s fading out, time moves so slowly. Everything hinges on what that last text message said, and you’re realizing that he’s kind of falling out of love. That’s a really heartbreaking and tragic thing to go through because the whole time you’re trying to tell yourself it’s not happening. I went through this, and I ended up waking up in the middle of the night writing this song about it.” Taylor

Friendlier days are coming (2010- )

I guess time can heal a lot of wounds and Toe is seen hugging and on friendly terms at the Clive Davis party on January 31st of 2010 [x].

The world was so shocked when we realized that Joe went to see her perform in a couple of her shows in September 2011 [x] [x], and in here Holy Ground is born about her new evaluation of their former relationship rather than the bitterness of the breakup. The lyrics' secret message is “when you came to the show in SD” and the potential parallel to "Last Kiss".

Holy Ground - Taylor Swift

We blocked the noise with the sound of ‘I need you’

And for the first time I had something to lose

And I guess we fell apart in the usual way

And the story’s got dust on every page

But sometimes I wonder how you think about it now

And I see your face in every crowd…

… Tonight, I'm gonna dance

For all that we've been through

But I don't wanna dance

If I'm not dancing with you

Last Kiss - Taylor Swift

I do remember the swing of your step

The life of the party, you’re showing off again

And I roll my eyes and then

You pull me in

I’m not much for dancing

But for you I did

They're seen talking in the MTV's EMA's 2012 [x].

From here they seem to be friendly and in May of 2015 after the Billboards. They even go on a double date later that year with Gigi Hadid, Calvin Harris, and Karlie Kloss (this picture feels so cursed). Nick and Joe get invited to Taylor’s 4th of July party and they seem somewhat distant after his split from Gigi.

Present (2020- )

In 2020, we got the amazing surprise of folklore with the song ‘Invisible String’ that makes a reference to Taylor’s past songs about exes being harsh and how she sent Joe and his wife Sophie Turner a present for their baby girl’s birth. In 2021, she has now released the re-recordings of Fearless and we are all reliving the drama and enjoying the chaos of Taylor’s and Sophie’s friendship not letting Joe know peace for those 27 seconds over a decade ago.

Invisible String

Cold was the steel of my axe to grind

For the boys who broke my heart

Now I send their babies presents

#Taylor Swift #fearless #fearless (taylor's version)#forever & always #mr perfectly fine #you all over me #last kiss #toe #jaylor #joe jonas #jonas brothers #folklore #invisible string #paranoid #much better #lines #vines and trying times #better than revenge

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nicistrying · 4 years ago

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Alright I feel the need to post this because I can't possibly be the only one. My New Year so far has sucked! I've been on a chocolate eating binge all afternoon - I've had a row of peanut butter chocolate, a Bueno, 2 little mini Cadbury's bars, a chocolate hazelnut truffle, biscuits and chocolate buttons. Because I thought our boiler was broken when I got back to the flat and I was stressed af. And before that, I was feeling really down this morning and yesterday bc as I think I've mentioned before, this year was the first New Year my household have ever - and I do mean EVER - spent together. When my sister and I were younger we would stay with Nanna Ann while our parents went out and got hammered and we wouldn't go home until at least the evening on New Year's Day. Bearing in mind that NYD is my dad's birthday, and we have never spent it with him because he and my stepmam would rather be at the pub all day. Which made it really hard to be all nice and festive for his birthday when we would finally get a taxi home after they got back from the pub. And then when we got a bit older, I started going to Matthew's and spending NYE with him and his family, and my sister would go to sleepovers at her friends' houses. And we'd both get a drunken phone call at midnight and have to politely say Happy New Year and then hang up. Same thing on New Year's day, if we went home early our parents were hungover af in the morning, and then straight back out to the pub. Last year they weren't even answering their phones all day so Matthew's parents ended up very kindly bringing my sister with us on a walk and making us all a lovely dinner after, just so we wouldn't be sat at home on our own all day.

And then this year comes around and we'd all already spent Christmas together and everything is just kind of weird and we're all just sitting around the house not really doing anything and my sister is spending all her time in her room on the phone to her friends, I'm curled up in the corner reading bc I've run out of energy to try to force them all to watch a film or anything bc whenever I suggest opening Netflix, my parents get all ratty about it and insist that 'there's nothing on there'. And they continue to watch repeats of the same shitty shows they always watch and complain that all there is on TV is repeats. Anyway we all gather in the sitting room around 11.45pm and ring in the new year, my stepmam starts crying and being melodramatic, so we all go to bed. But New Year's day in particular just sucked ass. I kept offering things I could cook for my dad as a birthday dinner and he just wouldn't give me anything to work with, was totally unenthusiastic, and just didn't seem like he cared. So I gave up and let them order a takeaway like they do every other night. During the day whenever anyone would call him to with him a happy new year and happy birthday, he just kept saying how "soul destroying" it was not being able to be at the pub. And I know he didn't mean that it was soul destroying to have his kids around but I was really quite hurt by it. Whenever we were alone he didn't really speak to me even when I tried to force a conversation out of him, and today we were all just sat on the couch watching TV not speaking to each other all morning. It sucked. Even more so bc he was hospitalised for a severe anaphalactic shock on Dec 23rd. He has them very sporadically (4 in 5 years I think?) and the doctors can't work out what causes them. So I was trying to show I care about him and love him very much and he was just giving me nothing back as usual.

So I couldn't wait to get back to my flat today but when I got here the boiler was playing up and instead of working out as planned and which I was looking forward to, I went on a sugar binge. Which is where I'm at right now. I feel better for splurging this out here and I'll probably go and at least do some yoga to get some blood flowing but damn. This year is off to a really shitty start and I felt so guilty while eating all that chocolate, worrying so much that it was making me fat, I'm going to regain all the weight I lost 6 years ago, I'll be fat forever bc I won't be able to lose it again, bla bla bla the usual shit that gets drummed into you especially at this time of year. But fuck it! I comfort ate a bit! The world isn't going to fall down around me. I'm not going to suddenly balloon to my previous weight overnight. I'm going to accept that I ate some yummy treats, I'm going to stay the fuck away from social media probably for the next few weeks (except tumblr bc this is the one site I don't actually feel seriously stressed about opening) because I just don't need to see all the 'new year new you don't you dare eat anything unhealthy or you will be Bad and Fat and a Failure' bullshit. I'm trying really hard not to compare myself to all the lovely wonderful people on here who are continuing to work hard and eat well and get outside and exercise daily. You're all amazing and I'm so happy for you! But if anyone else is feeling like a failure because things aren't magically perfect in these first few days of 2021, you're not alone! Take your time and try again each day to take a small step in the direction you want to go. For me, this will be forcing myself to get moving tomorrow. I'm so sick of being sat on my bum all day every day and I'm craving activity and endorphins but also struggling to find the motivation to start. And that's okay. Which is what I need to keep reminding myself!

#this has been a psa #rant #personal #binge eating #stress eating #family #mental health #new year #be kind to yourself #fitblr #healthblr

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avengersassemble-fics · 5 years ago

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Fine Line

part 03/?? “i carry it with me”

masterlist

previous part // next part

word count 4k

an: ugh i love sam/bucky interactions. my two doofuses

The quiet humming sound filtered from the small white bathroom and filled the halls of the rather empty apartment. There in the white porcelain bathroom hair flowed down through the air and into the sink, until the skin beneath was stubbled and clear. The humming sound finally came to a stop, leaving a silence in the air that was quite normal for this empty space. Bucky wiped his face clean with a warm moist washcloth and looked up to meet his own gaze in the mirror. He couldn’t help but run his hand over the softer shaven hair on his face, or the now short hair on the back of his neck. He couldn’t remember the last time he saw himself like this.

There was a soft ping that rang from the back of his jeans, and Bucky reached behind him to grab his phone. He swiped open the device and read the message from Sam, and rolled his eyes at the joking message before shoving the phone back into his pocket. He took special care in washing the hair down the sink and tossed the moist washcloth into the hamper before he walked into the hallway and his phone started to ring insistently. Bucky rolled his eyes, and pulled the phone from his back pocket, and put it up to his ear.

“What do you want, Sam?” He asked, making his way down the hallway to his room.

“Good morning, Sunshine,” Sam’s voice rang in his ear, but Bucky just sighed. “C’mon man, it’s New Years Eve.”

“I’m not interested in whatever you have planned, Sam,” Bucky told him. He could practically hear the eye roll on the other end of the line.

“Look man, you gotta come out and readjust to the world,” Sam started to explain while Bucky dug around his drawer for a shirt. “You won’t come to group meetings, you won’t go and see a professional, so why not just go out with me tonight? Nothing too big, let’s just go get some drinks and chill for a bit. Who knows when we’ll get another chance like this.”

Bucky gripped a black long sleeved shirt in his fist and fell silent after Sam spoke. He could hear the light chatters of someone on the other end, and Bucky sighed.

“Fine.” He caved in, and could tell his friend was grinning ear to ear on the other end. “But I swear to God, Sam, if I have to carry your drunk ass home-”

“That was one time!” Sam called out on the other end.

“Yeah, one time too many pal,” Bucky rolled his eyes as he spoke. “Just tell me where to meet you.”

“I’ll hit you up later,” Sam ended, and the beeping of the line closed the call. Bucky placed the phone on the dresser and pulled the black shirt over his body. He instinctively rubbed a hand over his shorter hair when another vibration came through on his phone, and he smiled at this notification in particular.

Now that Bucky could put a face to the words he read everyday, and the voice and laugh that still echoed in his mind, he knew he was in over his head. There was no question about it now. The more time he spent in the city the more he looked for you amongst the crowds. Sam had started to take notice when he’d pass by the cafe you populated days earlier and Bucky would slow his stroll to steal a look inside. He then stole his phone and found your contact information. Sooner or later, Bucky would get him back for that. For everything.

After the phone call, it became easier to text one another instead of using the website. But one thing he hadn’t done since that night was call you again. In all honesty, Bucky didn’t know if he would be able to handle hearing that sweet laced voice once more without caving and offering again to meet. Meet for real that is, not just watch you from across the street like.. Well like a spy.

So when your name came up in his texts, he was quick to open the message and read over your words anxiously.

You: NYE always brings out the most obnoxious people sometimes! It’s barely 10 and everything has booze in it.

Bucky chuckled at your words. This was his first New Years since his demise all those years ago. Truthfully, you were right. The parties back in his day were nothing compared to now. The pomp and circumstance was one of the main reasons he did not want Sam to drag him into public tonight. Even the couple of days leading up to now were too much for him. Bucky pressed the text box and began to type away.

Bucky: I don’t even want to imagine what tonight is going to be like, probably 10x as crazy

You: Wait a second hold on, you’ve never seen the ball drop in Times Square?

Bucky chortled to himself as he eased himself onto the edge of his bed.

Bucky: Can’t say I have doll, there’s a first for everything right?

You: Can’t wait to see your reaction haha!

Though you were just joking with him, Bucky frowned at the idea. He hoped to God Sam didn’t have any tricks up his sleeve tonight - though he had yet to see it happen live, he did look up clips from the previous years. The crowds were massive, and what was everyone doing kissing when the clock hit zero?

Bucky: Do you have plans tonight?

You: My sister is dragging me out again somewhere, but it’s top secret apparently.

Bucky: Hopefully in a part of town you’re allowed in.

You: You have jokes today I see.

Bucky: Has it made you smile yet?

A dangerous question. Bucky eagerly watched the three dots that hopped as you typed back a reply.

You: Yes, but that’s besides the point!

Bucky: Nope that’s all I needed to know, doll.

You: Yeah yeah whatever, jokester. Doing anything fun tonight?

Bucky: Just drinks with a buddy of mine.

You: Just two old men having a night out on the town huh?

Bucky: Look who has jokes now!

You: Take what you dish, old man.

Bucky chuckled to himself. You had started to resort to calling him old man regardless of your knowledge of him. Of course it was all in a joking manner, but you chalked it up to his use of the word doll. You said it sounded like something used in the 50’s (it probably was, but he wouldn’t know), and he had asked if it made you uncomfortable at all. Based off the look on your face the night he called and dropped the word a few times, he hoped the answer was no. And you reassured him of that in a message to answer his question.

Bucky: Try not to spit on yourself tonight.

You: You’ll never let me live that down, will you?

Bucky: Not a chance, doll.

The day carried on as most of his normally did. Alone in his apartment, some tunes filled the empty rooms in a low hum, and he either read, wrote in his journal, or texted back to you. This was how he preferred to spend his days. No missions, no life or death situations, no alien invasions, just the sound jazz in the background and.. You.

So this? This was not what Bucky wanted to do.

When Sam opened up the door to the bar, Bucky nearly choked him then and there. People adorning commemorative hats flocked everywhere, and they all greeted Sam like they knew him. Sam shook hands, slapped people over the shoulder, and smiled at a couple of dames.

Bucky was going to murder this man one day.

“Sam,” he warned when he finally got his companion on his own. “What the fuck is this?”

“I’m sorry I lured you here under false pretenses, but the group I’m with wanted to do something together,” Sam explained as he was handed two beers from the bartender. “Come on, man.. Just have a couple drinks with me, and if you want to leave - you can.”

Sam offered Bucky the bottle of alcohol and Bucky shook his head while he retrieved it. “I’m never trusting you again, I hope you know that.”

“I’m shocked and upset, truly,” Sam said and rolled his eyes. Bucky grumbled and rested on a barstool next to his disgraceful friend.

“So tell me,” Sam took a sip of his beer and pursed his lips and tossed a glance Bucky’s way. “When are you planning on meeting this girl? Sorry, officially meeting this girl?”

“Don’t think I ever will,” he answered honestly. Bucky took a swig from the bottle in his hand, even though he knew it wasn’t going to do much. “We’re in a dangerous line of work, Sam.”

Sam shook his head and motioned over to him. “That’s just an excuse.”

“No, it’s a fact,” Bucky replied. “We’re hunting the man who killed the King of Wakanda, you’re telling me that isn’t dangerous?”

“I never said that,” Sam replied and took a sip from the beer in his hands. “I said it’s an excuse. Barton has made it work, Stark did, God rest his soul. You’re obviously smitten with her.”

“Smitten,” Bucky lulled over the world. “And you call me old fashion.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Sam said with a roll of his eyes. “That’s what I get for hanging out with two old geezers for the last few years.”

The sudden mention, minus the name, of the old shared friend made silence fall between them. Sam was working towards forgiveness, Bucky wasn’t to that point yet. He hadn’t spoken his name, nor gone to see him since those days by the lake after Tony’s funeral. Sam knew he soured the mood by the look on Bucky's face, and before he could say something, Bucky was up out of his seat.

“Hey, wait-”

“It’s fine,” Bucky said and tossed a bill down on the bar. “This just isn’t my scene.”

Bucky beelined for the exit. He was nearly out, nearly to freedom when an unknowing body backed up into his path of travel and he knocked right into them. He was quick to catch them from hitting the ground, hands gripping their shoulders, and positioning them back upright. He mumbled apologies as the other steadied themselves with his arms, and his jaw dropped open a bit.

No fucking way was this his luck.

“Geez, I’m sorry,” your familiar silky voice said over the music and chatter. Bucky released his grip on your arms and swallowed the lump in his throat when you looked up to meet his gaze. Your eyebrow quirked up a bit as you seemed to recognize his face and Bucky cleared his throat.

“It’s no problem,” he reassured you. God, were his hands sweating?

“I remember you,” you offered him a smile and Bucky felt frozen in place. “From that club, you got me a couple of drinks.”

“Right,” he nodded and swallowed another lump in his throat. “Rum and Coke.”

“Well that was your choice,” you joked and he finally cracked a smile. “What’s your name?”

“Sam,” he said a little too quickly. He nodded at himself. Fuck. “My name’s Sam.”

“Nice to meet you, Sam,” you offered your hand.

Bucky hesitated for a moment before he gently enveloped your hand with his gloved metal one. “And what should I call you?”

“(Y/N),” you replied and he smiled.

“I like it,” he said before he could stop himself. You smiled and he released your hand. Shit shit shit that was too much-

“Would you like to buy me a drink?” You asked and Bucky blinked a couple times before him. You were flirting with him. He couldn’t help but grin and nod back towards the bar behind him.

“I would like nothing more,” he said. He motioned his hand towards the bar and you moved around him to it. To his dismay, you sat a couple seats away from Sam. Bucky leaned his side against the bar with his back to his previous companion and hoped to God he wasn’t going to look this way. You smiled sweetly at the bartender and ordered something bubbly, and Bucky gave a knowing nod for another beer.

“So Sam,” you said over the music. Bucky could practically feel Sam’s eyes turn and stare at the back of his head, and he wanted nothing more than to hit the smug look off his face. And when Sam realized who and what was going on, he could hear the idiot stifle back laughs. “Are you a part of this.. Thing?”

“The group?” Bucky asked. He heard Sam slam his beer down in a frenzy from laughter and he clenched his jaw. He was going to kill him. He really was. He could just turn around and do it right here, right now. “No, no I’m not a part of it.. Are you?”

You turned a bit over your shoulder, and pointed at your sister who was trying to pry a karaoke mic from another person. “That trainwreck over there is trying to get me to join.”

The bartender was back with the drinks and you thanked him with your pretty smile again. Bucky lifted his beer up and shifted his body so he could send a glare at Sam, who looked like he was going to burst at any moment. With a curled fist, Bucky punched his side, and you didn’t even notice. Sam coughed frantically and you glanced over with a concerned look. Bucky set his beer down and placed a firm solid hand on Sam’s shoulder.

“Woah there man, you okay?” Bucky asked as he neared. Once he was close enough to Sam’s ear he whispered. “Go the fuck away, Sam.”

“Fuck you, Bucky,” Sam said back just as low. Bucky retracted himself back to your side and Sam stood, offered a small nod to the both of you and retreated with his drink. Bucky finally eased himself onto a seat beside you while you watched Sam wander away.

“Is he okay?” You asked and Bucky nodded.

“Yeah, poor guy just can’t hold his alcohol.” Bucky smiled at his own statement and took another swig from his drink. You sipped at your drink, and he could tell from the corner of his eye you were staring at him. Bucky placed his drink down and glanced over at you and you smiled.

“So tell me, Sam,” you started and Bucky turned a bit so he could face you better and just take you in. “Not to be pushy or anything.”

“Push all you want,” he reassured you. He could’ve sworn he saw a hint of rosiness creek over your cheeks.

“What are you doing here if you aren’t a part of this group?”

Bucky had to say his next words very carefully. He knew if he gave too much away you may be able to connect the dots. Your eyes looked his face over as he pondered his thought and he nodded a bit.

“I was dusted, and my pal thinks I should join.. But I don’t think I’m ready.”

“Ah, I see,” you said and Bucky watched as you sipped your drink.

“What about you?” He asked and you glanced over at him as you sipped away. “Gonna listen to your friend and give this a try?”

You let out a little uh uh as you swallowed, and rested your elbows on the bar. “I don’t think it’s for me.”

“Why do you say that?” Bucky asked and you shrugged your shoulders.

“I think I’m doing okay on my own,” you admit to him.

You had a small smile on your face. Bucky couldn’t help but wonder if you thought about him at that moment. But he nodded and glanced up at the tv that hung on the wall. Only a few minutes to midnight. You followed his gaze to the tv and hummed a bit.

“So Sam, are you planning on kissing anyone when the ball drops?” You asked.

Bucky blinked at your question. You were looking at him with curious eyes, and he felt something tingle in his chest. But Bucky fought his thoughts and shook his head.

“Wasn’t planning on it,” he diverted your question and you let out another quiet hmm. You opened your mouth to say something but a hand grabbed onto your arm, and Bucky finally saw your sister up close and personal.

“They won’t let me sing,” she complained and you smiled at Bucky before turning to your sister.

“Good, you’re terrible,” you told her and she rolled her eyes and finally landed her gaze upon Bucky.

“Who is this?” She asked and gave him a nice smile. Bucky could tell you fought back a laugh and stood from your place, wrapping an arm around your sister.

“That’s Sam,” you told her. “And you’re drunk.”

“No just a little bit,” she said and winked at Bucky. He only offered a smile before his eyes locked with yours. “Come on, I wanna be right in the middle when the ball drops.”

“Okay pushover,” you agreed and your sister bounced back to the crowd. You finished your drink and turned to face him and offered Bucky a smile.

“Thank you,” you placed your hand on his and gave it a squeeze. Bucky felt his heart race under his chest and gave you a small nod as you walked away, taking his breath with you. He couldn’t take his eyes off you, not until his worst fears came true. Sam was back at his side.

“So that’s her, huh?” Sam asked as he pulled out his wallet to close his tab. Bucky grumbled and pulled his wallet out as well.

“Yeah.. That’s her,” Bucky admitted. Sam glanced over his shoulder and shrugged a bit.

“She’s cute man, I don’t know why you stole my name.”

“Please just for the love of God drop it,” Bucky nearly pleaded as he put a couple bills down for the bartender in payment and a tip.

“Look,” Sam started as he turned to face Bucky. “I get you want to protect her from this life.. But from what I can tell from the messages, and the flirting, she’s into you.”

Over the tv the sounds of that final countdown started. The crowd in the room began to chant along as well and both men glanced at the tv. Sam turned back to head over to the crowd and looked Bucky over one more time.

“All I’m saying is, don’t be afraid to make the move. We both know how that worked out for Steve.”

Sam wandered off to the group and Bucky stared at the wooden bar before him. The voices that echoed behind him started to count down louder as Bucky got lost in his thoughts.

20! 19! 18! 17! 16!

As much as it physically pained him to admit, Sam was right. But he couldn’t take his word for it if you were “into him” or not. Sam was the absolute worst judge on women. Ladies. Dames-- God damn it that didn’t matter right now!

15! 14! 13! 12! 11!

Just one test. One test and he would know for sure if he would reveal himself to you. If you felt the same way about him. This was his chance to see if what your eyes showed him tonight, and that night outside the cafe were what he was looking for.

10! 9! 8! 7! 6!

Bucky stood up from his chair and downed the remaining liquor in the bottle, even if it didn’t aid him, before he sauntered towards the crowd. He could easily pick you out amongst the other bodies, and had to push through a couple people to get there on time.

5! 4! 3! 2! 1!

Just as the people around started to yell out the fateful words ‘Happy New Year’ Buky grabbed a hold of your hand and pulled you into him. His hands enveloped your face and your expression went from shock to acknowledgment when your eyes met his. In one fluid motion, he leaned down to catch your lips with his.

Your lips didn’t move against his, and Bucky felt defeated. After a couple quick seconds he pulled away and opened his eyes once more to see you staring at him. You looked confused, but he couldn’t tell if you were upset or not. Bucky retracted his hands from your face while others around kissed one another. You held your gaze with him and Bucky was going to just forget this ever happened. Just forget you.

He was pulled back into the moment when you suddenly placed your hand on the nape of his neck, and ran your fingers into the edges of his hair. Bucky was quick to grab a hold of your hips and lean back down to kiss you once more. This time, you moved in sync with him. It was a slow and passionate kiss as you pressed yourself into his body. Your lips parted for him and Bucky eagerly snuck his tongue into your mouth, and you relaxed against him. The almost sloppy wet kisses made his head buzz as he tasted the sweet bubbly drink you consumed with him, and felt your fingers scratch his scalp. His fingers dug into your hips to relieve the pressure he felt in him, and as the cheering died down, you both finally released one another.

Bucky’s lips hovered over yours as your hot breaths mixed with one another. Your skin did indeed look rosy, and the beautiful color in your eyes looked a little darker. You slowly untangled your fingers from his hair, and Bucky took his hands off your hips. He hated to end it like this, but your sister was quick to grab your hand and insist on her tiredness, and pulled you with her to the exit. Bucky didn’t look away as you were pulled out into the snowy night, and he smiled to himself like an idiot.

By the time he got home he had felt his phone vibrate a couple times. As he climbed the stairs to his apartment he ignored Sam’s attempt at a joke on Bucky’s behalf, and fumbled with his keys as he read your message over.

You: Happy New Years, Bucky! Have a good night? Thought about this tonight after all the festivities:

Somewhere there is a place where I belong

Where an orchestra plays my favourite song

Butterflies gather and birds fly high

A beautiful place in a sun-lit sky

I wake and I wonder the land of the free

Where souls dance happy and the shore meets the sea

Mermaids chat and whisper the day

And Gods of hope are not far away

The place where I belong sits right in my hand

It lies in oceans blue and drifts of hot sand

I carry it with me, for my eyes to see

That the place I belong, sits within me

Bucky tossed his keys into the bowl, took his jacket off as usual, and ran his hand through his hair at the thought of tonight. He smiled as he typed back a response.

Bucky: Happy New Years, doll. I did have a good night actually. I’m guessing you had a good night with your sister?

When he didn’t get an immediate reply, Bucky thought he just missed you. He made his way to the bathroom and started to strip rom his clothes when his phone vibrated on the porcelain sink, and he all but rushed to read your message with a stupid grin on his face.

You: It was better than I expected :)

#Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes fic #bucky x reader #bucky x you #Winter Soldier #winter soldier x reader #winter soldier x you #winter soldier fic

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writers-hes · 5 years ago

Text

how do you want to spend new years eve?

hello, guys! thank you so much for your support on christmas record! i’ve been getting some requests to continue it and late christmas and i will get to it, after the plans that im currently thinking of! meanwhile, here is a new years-themed fic! if

if you haven’t read the fics mentioned above, you can read them here. if you want to be a part of my taglist, you can do so by reblogging or liking this post.

don’t forget, requests are open! ❤️

warnings: SMUT !!!!! swearing, alcohol + unedited

(it’s my first time writing smut so please leave me some feedback! i love you guys and thank you guys so much for 140+ followers, i love u all!)

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“I can’t do this anymore,”

Words that Harry told you when last year’s New Year’s Eve. Harry didn’t know why he was saying those words, perhaps it was because he wanted to take the young model to bed instead of you. Harry watched you crumble that night, asking what happened, asking if it was your fault. It wasn’t any. In fact, things were going great--so great between the two of you. Perhaps the reason why Harry broke up with you was because for him, distance was the antidote to the love he was feeling. Perhaps he was scared because all of his past relationships never seemed to work out, a sick part of him wanted you not to work out. Heartbreak brings a new writing material, anyway. He felt it at first, how in love he was suddenly being when you combed the stores in London to find his favourite bath gel. It was the little things that you noticed and the little things that Harry’s beating himself up for now.

The year was so great for Harry, releasing his new album and all that. He just had two successful live shows in Los Angeles and in London. People celebrated him wherever he went and he had this rockstar status that you once used to love but he’d just rather be at home with you. He’d rather spend the night with you instead of getting wasted during the afterparties, trying his best to forget the greatest mistake he’s ever done. It was annoyingly painful, how he saw your face in crowds, he knows you weren’t there but he was hoping. One time, strolling in his hometown, Holmes Chapel, he thought he saw you. He ran after you, grasping the arms of the girl in front of him. It wasn’t you--she just looked like you. Seven billion faces in the world and yours was the only face he memorised perfectly. He memorised how you scrunch your nose, how you’d raise your eyebrows, the curve of your lips, the shape of your tongue, and the softness of your eyes.

It wasn’t purposefully, how he never saw if you were off having the best life you could. He was just bored and decided to go on Instagram. He was scrolling through the photos of his friends, even liking some of them when he stumbled upon a picture of you, wearing a shirt he gave you, whilst looking another man in adoration. He bit his lip, making himself believe that that was not his shirt and even if it was, you weren’t looking at another boy--you were looking at him. He lightly tapped on the photo, seeing as you tagged the prick that was in it. He chuckled, it was Leon Harris, a friend of yours that he always found annoying. How come he never recognised him? He saw how this Leon guy was looking at you while you were both dating. He frowned. How long have you been with this Harris prick? It was jealousy bubbling in the pit of his stomach but at the same time, it was the need to see more of you. He wanted to see how Leon Harris viewed you. Does he see you the way Harry does? Does he kiss you like Harry does? Does he hold you like Harry does? Was he a better man than Harry?

He sighed, scrolling through Leon’s photos. He’s a douchebag. Surely, my angel could do better than this. Harry was irked and irritated. Leon never posted photos of you--he only posted photos of football, gaming consoles, going out with the boys, and unnecessary flexing of his father’s money. Harry was annoyed. He felt his skin prickling with the thought of you being touched by Leon in ways he shouldn’t. That night, he drowned himself in putrid brown liquid. To think, he had all the money he could ever want in the world but still settled for convenience store-grade whiskey. Tomorrow would be a better day.

“Fuck,” he said once he woke up. He remembered the night before, him downing the bottle of whatever shit was in the glass bottle. His head was pounding and he knew that if you were here right now, you would take care of him. He always looked for you, even though he was the one who broke your heart. New Years Eve was coming around and people were already asking him to make an appearance in some parties. He wanted to, he really did but the risk of bumping into you in some of the parties were high. He wasn’t ready to see the face of the woman that haunted him every night for the past year. He lazily walked towards his en-suite, one of the many rooms that smelled like you. He made sure to buy the exact perfume you always wore and spray it around the house. Harry knew that it was unhealthy, holding onto every piece of you when he was the one who decided to end things. He was annoyed at himself and wanted nothing more than to call you but it will only stay like that, a wish. He couldn’t bring himself to do it and to call you because he knew you were hurting. Perhaps you weren’t hurting now, seeing as you were with Leon but maybe you’re still stuck on him, seeing as you were wearing his shirt and a chain around your neck with his heavy ‘H’ ring hanging. Who else was ‘H’ in your life? He couldn’t remember any. As he was taking a shower, he was confused. Was that photograph a sign to call you? Or was it you slapping him in the face because you would never come back to him?

-----

Harry decided to drop by Nick’s NYE party. He never got to see his old friend around and wanted nothing more than to confide in his friend. Nick was your friend too but he always belonged to Harry. He was Harry’s friend first, after all. He might see you there but at least, liquid courage would flow freely into his bloodstream, giving him all the confidence that he needs in order for him to talk to you again.

When Nick learned that Harry was coming to his party, he was ecstatic. It’s been awhile since he last saw Harry and he really missed him. After the break-up, he knew immediately that Harry was broken and in the seams--so were you. Nick invited you to his party, too and you weren’t sure if it was an act of kindness or generosity. Perhaps he was pitying you because all of you and Harry’s mutual friends left you after the break-up, a confirmation that they never really liked you. They only liked to be closer to Harry for his money, fame, and influence. Who wouldn’t want to be near the Harry Styles after all? Still, you knew Nick wasn’t like that. He genuinely liked you after Harry formally introduced the both of you to each other. You were practically joined by the hip whenever Harry was touring and it was nice--it was just you who decided to distance yourself from the friendship when you and Harry broke up, avoiding everything that was related to him.

You had just woken up when Leon knocked at your door. Through your break-up, Leon was there to console you. You tried dating each other but it just didn’t work out--Leon was not Harry and you were not a boy. So instead, you hired Leon to be your assistant, seeing as he was unemployed and was also your friend.

“Y/N if you don’t wake up the fucking door I will break this down!” Leon called from outside. Groggily, you made your way to the door of your London penthouse. You opened the door to reveal Leon, in what he would call an outfit that was out of his comfort zone. You understood, though, seeing as Leon was still inside the closet. The only people who knew he was gay was you and his sprinkling of boyfriends who also happened to be inside the closet. You understood, though. Leon’s family was strict when it comes to homosexuality so he had to act as a straight black boy--always going to the gym, making his Instagram as douche-y as possible, and so one. You felt for him, always asking him if you could do something for him. He would always say no telling you how much your friendship and the job you gave him was enough.

“What do you want?” you asked as you walked to your couch to continue your sleep.

“Remember? Nick Grimshaw is coming in today for a fitting,” Leon reminded. You sighed. You were a designer based in London but because of Harry, you had more artists come at you for designs. That was how you and Harry met, you being introduced by Harry L, his stylist, before his world tour for a couple of suits. He then came to you a few months after, asking for some pieces for his magazine covers and you agreed. Your heart ached at the memory of you and Harry playing with new pieces you came up with. Harry always loved your designs.

“Oh, yeah. Where was it again?” you asked, disoriented because you’d see Nick Grimshaw again. You’d be reminded of Harry again. It wasn’t as if you weren’t reminded of him all the time, though. The burning sensation of his gold ‘H’ ring hanging from your chest every time. It became your source of comfort and it was pathetic how you still held onto it for so long--it’s been almost a year. “It’s here, yeah?” you asked, to which Leon nodded. You nodded as well, limping towards your bathroom to be ready for the day.

“I’ll make coffee!” Leon shouted as you trudged to the comforts of your hot shower.

It was a few hours later when your doorbell rang. Nick’s custom silk pants and denim jacket was laying on your couch, ready to be worn by the celebrity. If it fit him, you’d be focusing on the apliques and the details that he wanted to have--they were quite easy actually. He just wanted to have his name in sparkling red embroidery, almost looking like something inspired from Gucci (Harry’s favourite, your heart hurt) but entirely different at the same time. Leon opened the door as you shuffled back and forth to make sure everything was dandy. “Y/n! Oh, how I missed you so much!” Nick greeted as soon as he saw you flip through the crystals that you would embed on the lining of his pants. You smiled and gave him a hug, to which he returned. He looked at Leon and greeted him as well. Leon only replied with a “hey, man” and if it weren’t for Nick not knowing that Leon was gay (they kissed many months ago), he would think that Leon was your boyfriend. “How are you, Nick?” you asked. “Really doing well but better because you’re coming to my party!” he answered. You frowned in confusion. “I’m not going,” you told him. “Harry would be there and I don’t really wanna see him.” “But Y/N…” he trailed. “It’s been so long since we last hung together! If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were avoiding me,” he pouted. Leon decided to exclude himself from the conversation going straight to the kitchen to get some refreshments for your guest. “Nick--” “Just come on to the party and all will be forgiven,” he cheekily grinned. In reality, he was never really mad at you. He understood why you decided to distance yourself from him but he still likes you as a person and wanted to be your friend. You sighed, nodding to his request. He squealed. “Now, where is it? I wanna fit through my special outfit now,” he said. You motioned him to the pieces lying on the couch. “So you wanted to have something hip and vintage, right? Well, here’s a pair of black silk pants. They would be embedded with diamond Swarovskis on the side. Then,” you trailed looking for the surprise that you wanted to give him. “Ah, here’s a special just for you. I worked on it by myself,” you said, showing Grimmy a large hand-made sewn on patch of his caricature. You also showed him ‘GRIMMY’ in a font quite similar to BBCRadio1 in sparkling red thread.

“Wow--I am floored! These are so good!” he exclaimed, carefully taking the patches from you. He observed them, amazed by how far you went onto the detailing of his face to his favourite shade of red.

“Thank you,” you smiled. “It’s nothing. You’re my friend and I wanted to make your day extra special,” you muttered. “I’ll have them sewn on before the event ASAP so you could get it tomorrow or the next if the blank pieces already fit you or the 30th if there are still alterations to be made,” Nick stood up immediately, trying on the pieces over his current clothes and declared that they were the perfect fit. You smiled at him, appreciating how much he appreciated your work.

“I’m really glad to be your friend, y/n. I know Harry will be there and I know what he did but if you ever need me for anything, just call an old man like me, even if it’s just for a laugh,” he said. “The pants and jacket are a perfect fit, by the way.”

-----------

It was the day of the gruelling New Years Eve party hosted by Harry’s friend--Nick Grimshaw. He wasn’t quite sure if you were coming but just in case, he wore the other half of his iconic ‘H’ ring--the gold Gucci ‘S’ ring on his pinky, the ring you gave him on his ring finger, as if telling you that he was still yours to take, and a couple of rings he bought from all around the world. He also wore a custom polo shirt from you, one that you collaborated on with his mum for his birthday. No designer brand could top off the beauty that he was wearing. He was hoping that maybe, just maybe, after you see him tonight, you’d come back to him.

He sighed, anxious to see you—or not. From what he could recall, you distanced yourself from Grimmy. Maybe you rejected his invite, maybe not. Who knows what you were doing anymore? Why should he care? You were with Leon Harris. In his mind, the worst rebound you could ever get. You knew he hated Leon, that prick was a good for nothing douchebag. Harry went over to his collection of liquor, pouring himself a shot of vodka. Who was he to judge your tastes? It was him who broke things off, leaving you with nothing and no one. He knew that your mutual friends sided with him and left you. He groaned as he downed the shot, annoyed at himself. He misses you and he doesn’t know how to take you back.

“Leon, stop!” you groaned as he laid down your revealing party dresses. You were opting for a pair of floral pants and black shirt. Leon, however, disagreed with your choice.

“What? You should show him what he’s missing,” he shrugged.

“There’s nothing to show,” you muttered, taking a red dress off the bed to shut Leon up. You changed, not really minding if Leon was there, seeing as he wouldn’t even think about you that way.

“Look, I know you’ve been wallowing in your sadness since he ended things but it’s been a year, y/n. You should let things go,” your friend sighed as soon as he zipped you up. You sat on your vanity chair and took your curling iron.

“It’s not that easy,” you sighed as your curled the first strand of your hair. You spent the afternoon like that, fixing up your hair and putting on your makeup. Leon sighed, he knew that you were clearly affected by seeing your ex again. Leon was happy though, you maynit see it but you were clearly stressing about what version of you you would present to Harry. Leon was positive that this would end up in some make-up sex but who knows?

Harry arrived at the party earlier than you did. Knowing you, it probably took you hours to get ready for Leon. You loved doing that and you used to dress up for him. Sure, you were a secure woman but you still loved to make sure that your man’s eyes was on you and you only. Still, from a far, he would stare at you, the way he did when you were still together. He immediately made it a mission to look for Grimmy. He was porbably out there, entertaining guests but Harry wasn’t really in the mood to socialize. He was just here to get drunk and see you—if you were even coming.

“There he is!” Nick exclaimed as he saw Harry walk towards him. Nick’s friends looked at the poostar.

“Hey, Nick. Thanks for the invite,” Harry smiled. Nick saw that Harry was clearly uneasy.

“Love the polo shirt but you’d probably want to look like you actually want to be here,” Nick said. “Y/N’s attending the party,”

“Could’ve told me that before I wore this shit,” Harry grumbled. He took a flute of champagne to one of the bartenders walking around and downed it immediately. Nick looked at him incredulously. “If I have to see her, I have to see her while I’m drunk,”

Nick sighed but still guided Harry to the special booth for Nick’s closest friends.

You stumbled in, a little tipsy in the bar to look for Nicky. Nick when you’re sober, Nicky when you consumed alcohol. You were with Leon who was holding your hand, just in case someone bumped in on you and you tripped. Leon sighed, obviously being sober in this situation. He was sure that Harry was here, seeing as there were shitty headlines such as HARRY STYLES WEAR Y/N Y/L/N’S COUTURE IN NICK GRIMES ANNUAL NYE PARTY.

Leon saw it though. He was wearing the special polo shirt you and his mother designed. He knew the intricacies of the polo shirt because on your first and last attempt to date, you rambled about Harry. You told him that instead of the signature tag of the customers with Mademoiselle or Monsieur as prefix, you opted to embroider my love, Harry--a one of a kind polo shirt. Leon has seen him wear the said shirts in Harry’s appearances, even getting the nickname ‘Harry’s special’ by many of his fans.

“Y/N!” Nick exclaimed as he saw you and Leon. You looked at him and immediately sobered up, seeing as Harry was latched onto his shoulder. You looked at Harry, suddenly aware of his presence and your self. He was looking at Leon with jealousy and you knew it, Harry never liked Leon and you walk in here with him in a dress like yours? It was killing him.

“Y/N, Harris.” your ex-boyfriend acknowledged. “Harry,” you nodded. Leon looked at him, aware that your ex was probably killing your friend in his mind. “I see that you have replaced me so easily, y/n,” Harry slurred. He was pretty sure he won’t remember shit tomorrow so he decided to just go with the flow. “Ha! See, Nick? Liquid courage,” he chuckled as he took a swig off of his beer bottle. “Alright, Harry. That’s enough,” you interjected, trying to take the bottle away from Harry. He clearly drank a little too much and you know that when Harry was drunk, he has the tendency to say things he didn’t mean at all. It’s not even a defense or anything, he just does it. “No, you’re not my girlfriend anymore. You can’t control me. Why don’t you go be with that Harris prick? Honestly, angel? You could do way better than that wanker, yeah?” he says, pointing his bottle to Leon who was busy eyeing down Nick.

“Harry--give me that bottle.” you said, clearly annoyed with how things are currently going. Why was he being difficult?

“Do you still love me, y/n? Look, I’m wearing the polo shirt you gave me,” he says, twirling like a little girl showing off her new outfit. “I see you’re wearing my ‘H’ ring, too. I saw it the other day...Instagram. That must mean something, yeah?” he asked, tilting his head to the side. He surrendered the bottle to you.

“Come on, let’s go somewhere so you could sit and clear your head, yeah?” you asked, holding his arm. “Leon,” you called to your friend. “I’ll just help Harry clear his mind. I’ll find you later, yeah? I’m sorry,” you said. Leon only nodded, mouthing a ‘sure’ before talking to a friend Nick introduced him to.

“If you don’t love me, you wouldn’t take care of me like this. Remember when you would do this lot? I miss it,” he rambled. You weren’t sure if he was being serious enough but you decided that either way, your heart was hurting. A silence fell upon the both of you as you sat on the booth.

“Harry, stay here yeah? I’ll see if someone could get you some water,” you said, standing up from the couch. Harry grabbed your hand.

“Please, stay. I promise I won’t say anything anymore. Just...stay here, love? Please? It’s been a while since you were this close to me and tonight, let’s just do things like the old times, yeah?” he asked. You were torn, so fucking torn with what he was saying. Wasn’t he the one who asked for a break? It’s been a year and you missed him. You really do.

“Harry,” you started, staring at his lips. You missed how soft it was, you missed how he kissed you. “Can we, can we kiss?” you asked. Harry sobered up. Were you really asking him to kiss you? He sat up straight looking at you. He inched closer until he could feel your heavy breaths. Your chest was heaving and you were itching for him to get closer. He smiled, taking your chin with his ring clad fingers until your lips met. It was slow and nice, two lovers yearning to be with each other again but soon enough, with too much yearning and passion, your kiss became heated. You didn’t notice it but Harry’s hands soon found your arms, caressing your bare arms up and down, the coldness of his rings against your warm skin a pleasuring contrast.

“Fuck,” he breathed as soon as you both pulled away. “Do you want to take this somewhere?” he asked. You nodded, mind too hazy from what just happened. You collected your bag that was left beside you.

“Let’s use the back door and walk discreetly, yeah?” you asked, Harry was never one to bring drivers during the holidays and so were you. You were intoxicated so you both didn’t want to drive. “Then, let’s just hail a car or something when we’re a little too far away,” you said. “I’ll just text Leon,” you added as you unlocked your phone.

“W-wait, Leon,” Harry rasped.

“You don’t have to worry about him. I’m single and I’m not his type,” you breathed as your grabbed his hand. He wasn’t sure if he should believe you, but nodded anyway. He was too desperate--all he wanted was to feel you close. You both made a beeline to the backdoor and exited, silently thanking the Lord for the absence of paparazzi. You walked, an awkward silence falling between the both of you. Still, your minds were hazy with lust, yearning, and love. You were a little far away when you hailed a taxi, telling the driver to go straight to Harry’s place, seeing as his house was nearer than yours. The both of you were obviously itching to touch each other but you refrained, you didn’t want anyone to see and complicate things.

The moment you arrived at Harry’s door (thank God he cleaned), your mouth was on his. This time, your kiss was more daring and passionate, all curfew thrown outside the window. You moaned as he trailed down to your neck, your back against the wall. He was sucking and licking the spot where your neck and shoulder blades met, your spot as he would call it. You were sure that he would leave a mark in the morning but you didn’t care. You were tugging at his hair, something that he always liked, to encourage him to go lower.

“Come,” he rasped as he took your hand to his bedroom. You both tiptoed in the dark hallways of his massive house until your back met the mattress in his bedroom. “How do you think I feel once I saw you in this red dress?” he asked. You weren’t able to answer his question as he kissed you again, only this time, his hand was playing with the thin straps of your silk dress. He lowered it.

Meanwhile, your hands were on his polo shirt, carefully unbuttoning the material off of his torso. Once you were able to take off the buttons, your hands met his tattooed chest. He moaned at the contact.

“Unzip me?” you asked as soon as he moved his lips down to the skin visible on your chest. He sucked your skin as you raised you body, his hands going underneath you to unzip the tight red dress off your body. He stopped for a moment, looking at your naked chest.

“Fuck, I missed this,” he moaned as he put his mouth on your nipple. You arched your chest towards him, his ring clad fingers kneading your other breast. Your hands were inching towards your underwear, nothing really special because you weren’t expecting this. “Ah, ah, ah,” he taunted, the moment he felt your fingers go lower.

“Harry—“

“No, let me do it, love,” he whispered. His mouth latched on to your other nipple, only this time, his fingers were trailing down to your clothed center. Your hips grinded on his hands, the rings giving you more texture. You were whimpering, begging for your ex-boyfriend to touch you. He chuckled a little bit, pushing your underwear to the sides before teasing your clit. You grounded your hips again, and Harry gave in, flicking the button in between your legs.

“Fuck,” you moaned. “more, Harry…”

“You want this? You want me to fill you up?” he asked, breathy. Quite frankly, his manhood was penting up in his pants. You nodded and Harry moaned, completely removing your underwear. Your hands trailed to his pants, massaging him through his fabric. Your hands immediately unbuttoned his trousers, and he stood up, removing it alone with his boxers. Your hands immediately found his dick, rubbing the precum all over before you pushed Harry onto the bed.

“What do you want me to do, Harry?” you asked seductively.

“Ride me,” he says. He bucked his hips towards your hands, clearly wanting more. “Come one, love,” he encouraged. You sat in his lap, taking his dick in between your hands, rubbing it on your clit for a few times before inserting the tip inside you. “I missed this, fuck,” he moaned. You moaned too, sitting lower until his length was filling you up. “I think you had your fun already,” he taunted, flipping you over. He leaned onto you as he pounded into you a few times.

“Harry, shit, shit,” you moaned. Your hand went to your clit, rubbing it as Harry went in and out of you.

“You just can’t get enough can you?” he asked. Your other hand and legs were around him, your nails digging onto his back. You nodded. “You’re not gonna cum until I tell you to, love,” he said as he pounded into you harder. His hand was immediately on your nipple, pinching and tugging it. It was sensory overload, his hands on your breast, yours on your clit, him inside you, your nails onto him. He moaned, putting his mouth on yours as his tongue entered your mouth. You both felt his thrusts going sloppier and sloppier as your walls started to clench.

“Harry, I’m cumming, fill me up...cum inside me,” you moaned. The popstar only gruntled, obviously bathing in your wetness.

“Cum, princess. Cum on my cock, cum with me,” he moaned as you both came, his cum filling you up and your walls clenching around him.

“I love you,” you whispered, hoping he didn’t notice but he did, stopping for a moment, looking at you. “Let’s talk about it later,” you smiled.

He thrusted for a few more times before removing his girth inside you. He immediately looked for a towel to wipe you with it and you waited. He always did this—you waited, basking in the afterglow of sex.

—————-

It was 4 am in the morning and you were both naked underneath the sheets. You didn’t talk about your confession, sleeping immediately once he wiped down the mess on your legs and he sighed.

It was 4 am and he was sound asleep, his tattooed arm wrapped around your torso. You removed it carefully and he shuffled in his sleep. You watched him, tears springing in your eyes before silently dressing up and tiptoeing until you were outside his room. He didn’t notice it, too sound asleep. You were silently sobbing as you buckled the straps of your black heels, calling for a car. It took a few minutes of you waiting outside his gates, the cold breeze raising goosebumps on your skin.

That was how you spent your New Years Eve and New Years, having sex with your ex and then, regretting it hours later because you told him you loved him.

PART TWO?

happy new years! i hope this is the first / last fic you’ve read for the decade. thanks again! xxxx

taglist:

@giitterysuits / @floral-suits @bree082 @dezzym17 @bouncebackbyers @lolapuffs @belleamoree @demolition-lovers-blog @gorgeouslygrace @styledharry @nervousshoeghostmoney

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goldeneyedgirl · 5 years ago

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Fic-Mas Bonus Round: Hybrid, Again

Yeah, I lied XD Christmas Eve bonus round! And because everyone seemed really enthusiastic about this fic, I picked two chunks of Hybrid for you all. (And if I were to consider Fic-Mas: NYE Edition, I’d definitely like to know what you would all like more of - your choices are more Hybrid, any of the Unexpected Second Life fics, All These Broken Things, or seeing if I can dig up something from Memento Mori.)

Onwards!

(This happens before Jasper bites Alice, after Alice’s first day at Forks High.)

Dinner that night was quiet – Dad and Simon seemed worried about my first day of school when I hadn’t reported making loads of friends, and loving everything about Forks High; I had chosen to omit my interactions with Edward Cullen and Rosalie Hale when they asked.

Cynthia did most of the talking during the meal, and was slowly painting me a picture of her life – she was a good student, very popular, and loved any sort of club or co-curricular. Definitely a joiner. And absolutely bursting with excitement to start ninth grade next year, and finally be in high school.

“So, who did you hang out with today?” Cynthia finally turned to me. Her dinner plate was barely touched – she’d been talking too much to eat – whilst I was on my second helping.

“I didn’t,” I said, stabbing a piece of carrot.

“Really?” Cynthia frowned. “Who did you sit with at lunch?”

I wanted to smile at her middle-school view of the world. As if there was nothing more horrifying than sitting alone at lunch. And then I wanted to punch something because in a town this small, Cynthia probably had more friends at Forks High than I would ever have, and she was only fourteen.

“I went to the library. I need to catch up in a few subjects,” I shrugged. “And the cafeteria food was really bad.”

“It’s nice to know that things don’t change,” Simon chuckled. “Forks High always made the worst mac and cheese known to man. That stuff was a hate crime.”

“You said you weren’t behind in your classes,” Dad said to me, frowning. I guess as a teacher himself, the idea of his own daughter failing her classes was a pretty bad one, though I was a little curious why Cynthia and I attended a local public school when Dad taught at a fancy private school.

“Just a chapter or two in Algebra, and I think a little in Biology,” I said. “Nothing that I can’t get caught up in.”

“Okay, but if you find yourself overwhelmed or really behind, we can get you a tutor over the summer,” Dad said. “I looked over your transcripts, there are some gaps in your schoolwork we’ll have to address at some point.”

That was a polite way of putting it. There weren’t gaps in my schoolwork, there were great gaping holes. Even from before Mom died. But afterwards, there was foster care, time on the streets, my time at the hospital – I don’t think I ever technically attended sixth or eighth grade.

“You have your doctor’s appointment in the morning, Alice,” Simon jumped in. “I had an in with the best doctor in town, and he agreed to see you tomorrow first thing. Just so we can get your medications sorted.”

“Great,” I said unenthusiastically. Another doctor, paging through my endless file claiming I was completely bat-shit nuts. I knew I’d been living on borrowed time as far as medical intervention went. There was an entire pharmacy of psychiatric meds locked up in Dad and Simon’s room that the hospital had sent with me.

Simon had been overwhelmed by the sheer number of them, and the three pages of contradictory instructions, that he’d decided not to drug me until we spoke to a doctor in Forks. Which was definitely a good thing, since the medications the hospital had me on left me drooling into my pillow most of the time.

Or screaming for help.

“Carlisle is a really good doctor,” Simon said kindly, obviously seeing the look on my face. “Actually, an amazing doctor. Way better than we should be able to get out in the sticks. And he’s a good person – he won’t do anything that doesn’t sound right to him, and you’re comfortable with. I promise.”

“Everyone says that,” I said, suddenly full and wishing I hadn’t eaten quite so much. “They say, ‘We just want what’s best for you, Mary-Alice’. Then they find out I stabbed a doctor and they can’t sedate me fast enough.”

Rice fell out of Cynthia’s mouth when I said that. “You stabbed someone?” she said, her eyes wide.

“Cynthia,” Dad warned, but all eyes were on me.

Cynthia ignored him. “Why?” she asked, leaning forward. And I felt it, like something physical that wrapped itself around me. The memories; the fear and complete hopelessness. It was like I was being smothered. As if my ghosts weren’t already carved into my skin permanently, where everybody could see.

“Cynthia, enough,” Simon said sternly.

“No one ever cares about the why,” I said softly, looking at the placemats, a swirling pattern of orange and red. I remembered doing it, grabbing the little plastic scalpel, slashing from his ear to his chin, and being dragged away. Being drugged, strapped down and ignored, like some kind of animal; nobody ever asked me why I’d done such a thing, just assuming that it was my fault. “Can I be excused?”

“Certainly,” Dad said, looking worried. “Do you want us to bring you up some dessert?”

“Key-lime pie,” Simon offered. “My mom made it, so not quite as good as mine, but still worthy.”

I shook my head. “No thanks.”

I slipped out of the dining room and upstairs, pausing on the stairwell to hear Dad and Simon lecturing Cynthia about pushing too hard and asking too many questions. That I had had a very hard life, whilst hers had been comfortable and happy.

Sometimes, everything that had happened hit me like a truck, and I just… I kind of just went through the motions. Locked every emotion down so that I didn’t have to deal with any of it. The pain, the terror, the complete misery. It was easier just to feel nothing.

I showered and climbed into bed, the scent of flowers wrapping around me. I thought about asking Simon for one of my sleeping pills, but that required energy and interaction, neither were things that I was up for.

Instead, I just curled into a ball and pretended to sleep when Dad and Simon checked on me, separately, later. I didn’t manage to fall asleep until much later, after everyone else had gone to bed, slipping into soupy dreams of white rooms and not being able to move.

And then the dreamscape changed, clicking into place.

A vision.

There was no specific way I could tell the difference between a dream and a vision of the future, but I always knew the difference. I had no control over them – some nights, it would be an unending string of visions to wade through, and then nothing for weeks at a time. Mom had tried everything, but there was no way to instigate them, or to choose who or what I would see. Whatever my gift was, it did what it wanted.

I was in a living room with fancy art on the walls, and a piano in the entry way.

The vampires were gathered there – Rosalie Hale and curly haired bear-man were seated on the couch, though she looked agitated enough to jump up and pace at any second. A slightly older woman with light brown hair was seated at a small writing desk, tapping away at a laptop absently, with her attention on the group; Edward Cullen was standing with a light-haired man in front of an actual marble fireplace. And the blonde-boy was sitting in the window, staring out into the night.

“Does she know?” the man asked the red-headed boy with a gentle, patient manner that I wanted to like immediately.

“I don’t know,” Edward said, looking frustrated. “Her thoughts jumped around a lot. She never thought ‘vampire’. But she was alarmed by us.”

“What did you hear?” the woman asked, closing the laptop.

“At lunch, she hated the food, wasn’t particularly impressed with Forks in general, happier to be with her father and his family that she’d admit to herself. Then it was alarm bells, her trying to work out an escape plan. She was very, very concerned about Bella and her safety.”

“She warned Bella, verbally,” Rosalie pointed out. “To be careful.”

“Hm. And you had a class with her? Was she well then?” the man asked Edward.

“Distressed. She had scars that were seen by others when she was changing. Bella said that they were ‘bad’, over her back and her thighs. The other girls were focusing on a particularly nasty one on the back of her leg, so I don’t know the extent. I heard something about a hospital, and when I mentioned hospitals in passing, she became agitated.”

“I spoke with her step-father, and he expressed concern over her psychological state. Apparently, she’s had a history of mental illness and abuse, and he wanted someone he trusted to see her and work out how to help,” the man said. “From her records, she’s quite disturbed, though he repeatedly assured me that her behavior has been absolutely normal since she arrived.” The man looked over at the boy in the window. “Jasper, did you notice anything?”

He looked over. “Curiosity, agitation, worry, depression – the usual teenage maelstrom,” he said slowly, disinterestedly.

“If she’s mentally unbalanced, it wouldn’t be hard to stage an ‘accident’,” Rosalie said archly. “We wouldn’t even have to move; it could just be one of those things. She wouldn’t be much of a loss.”

“Would be pretty rough on her family,” the big guy murmured, holding his hands up when Rosalie shot him a look. “Just sayin’, Rose. She only just got here.”

“I don’t think we need to worry about her that much, just yet,” the man said finally. “It’s always a possibility, but Edward, you didn’t hear her identify us; some humans are just more in-tune to their instincts. And there’s a possibility that her medical status can be used to our advantage if she becomes a problem.”

“What about Bella?” Edward asked immediately.

“If Bella could befriend her, that would allow you more access to what she’s thinking. That would be enough for the time being,” he concluded. “At a rough guess, I doubt Mary-Alice Brandon is going to pose much of a problem.”

Edward spun around to Jasper, a glare on his face. “Really?” he snapped.

“What?” the woman stood up, looking worried. I wondered if that was her default state of being.

“He thinks she smelt delicious,” Edward spat.

“Another singer?” the man stepped forward, looking downright alarmed.

Jasper heaved a sigh and shook his head. “No, nothing like that,” he said, in that slow, dull manner. “Just a stray thought. Nothing will happen, I promise.”

“Maybe Bella should stay away for a few days,” Edward said grouchily, still giving Jasper a filthy look.

“Leave him alone, Edward,” Rosalie snapped.

“Please, like you wouldn’t break him into little pieces if he slipped up again,” Edward snapped back, and Jasper rolled his eyes and stood up to leave.

“Are we done?” he asked, and when the man nodded, he left the room, leaving the others to bicker in peace; everyone slowly faded away as my vision turned back into my dreams.

(This scene is far in the future - like Ch 13. This thing is The Slowest Burn.)

My pitching was clearly stronger than they anticipated; at least, the surprise on Emmett’s face as the ball smacked into the palm of his hand implied so. It obviously wasn’t as impressive as the pitches thrown by Rosalie or Jasper, but still better than they expected.

Of course, once all the Cullens acquiesced to my participation in the baseball game, Edward vocally encouraged Bella to join in as well.

“If Alice is playing, Bella can play,” was his argument, whilst Bella stood at his side, looking uncomfortable. Hell, she always looked uncomfortable. I wondered if anyone had ever introduced her to the concept of sweatpants and ice cream.

“Alice is less likely to drop dead if she takes a fastball to the face,” Rosalie scowled. I eyeballed the blonde; that statement felt very much like Rosalie was trying to work out how to dispose of me.

“Fractured skull at best,” I agreed serenely.

“Bella is still rehabbing her leg, Edward,” Carlisle said gently.

It happened in a second; the ball sailed from Edward’s hands, and Bella swung. She swung too early, and the ball flew past and cracked her across the face. I heard her gasp of pain, of the blood that seeped from her nose instantly, the sound of the bat hitting the soft ground.

And I looked around to see five hungry vampires staring at the blood that was pouring from her nose, Bella’s hands cupped over her face.

Esme and Rosalie were backing away; Esme’s face was concerned but strained, whilst Rosalie’s was blank – her attention was on Emmett, who had taken two steps forward before retreating, his eyes completely black.

Edward and Carlisle were focused on Bella – a broken nose was one of the few injuries I hadn’t sustained over the years, but I could tell from Bella’s reaction that it was excruciatingly painful. The smell of blood was beginning to affect me, I couldn’t imagine how hard it would be for…

For Jasper.

I looked over and he was still standing there, completely still.

If I had thought that he had looked feral the night that he attacked me, I was mistaken. He had still looked human then – sinister, terrifying and dangerous but still essentially human.

Now I was glimpsing the monster behind the man.

His eyes were, somehow, blacker than Emmett’s, and dull. His face was completely devoid of any kind of emotion, his gaze focused on Bella. I could picture his muscles tensing for the attack, and with a sick feeling, realized that Bella probably wouldn’t be the only one hurt today. No one else had picked up on Jasper’s intentions yet, and I was incredibly aware that I couldn’t stop him.

But I could certainly slow him down.

I darted across the field, my hair whipping across my face, and flung myself at Jasper, my arms wrapping around his waist. It didn’t escape my notice that this was the closest we had gotten physically, and I was trying to stop him committing murder.

“Please don’t, please don’t,” I chanted to myself. “Jasper! Stop it!” I finally cried out as he began to move forward, dragging me with him, and Edward finally looked up at the sound of my voice.

Jasper shook me off fairly easily, without looking down, and I knew I had to go into full fight-mode; it didn’t matter who or what Jasper was to me, I had to pull him back from killing Bella.

My leg shot out, and whilst Jasper stumbled for a second, but righted himself. I could hear Emmett and Rosalie yelling in the background, and when I looked around, Jasper’s fist came out of nowhere and caught me in the side of the head. For a second, I was seeing stars, and then I was back – Jasper had managed to get Emmett and Edward tangled in each other, Rosalie and Esme were hovering between where Carlisle stood with Bella.

#TwilightFicMas2019 #twilight fic #twilight #alice cullen #jasper hale #cullen family #my writing #my fic: hybrid #surprise bonus round #jalice #alicexjasper

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lightsandlostbells · 6 years ago

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Druck season 2, episode 4 reaction

I want to thank turtleneck boy because I truly miss the fandom running wild with every detail and coming up with theories, I mean that sincerely. God bless you, sweater man.

Episode 4

Clip 1 - Motto selection

We have the graduating class looking at mottos. Amira and Leonie are leading the meeting. Leonie sure likes to lead school activities. We also have Mia, Hanna, Jonas, and Matteo in attendance. I really like seeing more school activities, especially since the hero party thing wrapped up last season, and this seems like a particularly German tradition from what I can tell, so it’s a cool thing to include.

Jonas is wearing a fedora today and like, he’s rocking it and twirling it around and stuff, but baby, you gotta be aware of the implications.

They’re picking out a motto, but as Leonie emphasizes with finger quotes, these are “the best” and Amira says none of them are great. “Photoshop-Philipp” put together some examples of the logos. His name is Markus. He’s the theater kid from the first season, with his hair tied back and I never would have recognized him if fandom hadn’t pointed him out.

That dude in the black turtleneck sent us all into conspiracy mode. Initially he was giving me German Even vibes, too. Was this their version of kosegruppa? He smiles when Matteo starts laughing at Photoshop Philipp, and his body language is angled toward Matteo, kinda, could that be a clue??? Why would they give us a random close-up of that guy when Jonas starts talking about CannABIs, when he doesn’t have a line at that moment or anything? Why was he tying his shoe for so long? Surely Druck is trying to tell us something!

Yet apparently it has been confirmed that he is not German Even, but is some random extra who’s been popping up in school scenes. That was a fun few days of speculation, though.

When the cannabis-themed logo pops up, Jonas says that there are some students in this school who are critical of the dangers of smoking weed, and he’s definitely directing that toward Hanna (he looks at her at the end, and Hanna looks over her shoulders and rolls her eyes). Nice bit of passive-aggressiveness there.

Another one is a parody of the alt-right Germany party (AFD) logo. Jonas likes that direction. Some random girl doesn’t like it and doesn’t want to give more attention to the party, but Amira and Mia think it’s funny. You know, kinda cool that these random students are getting a voice this season - like in the classroom debate, or the discussion here. It’s not just the main characters having all the dialogue in these scenes, it makes it feel a little more like an actual school, if that makes sense. (ETA: @randomfinny and @hyperfictional pointed out that she’s actually German Sara. Lol, I never would have recognized her, so thank you!)

I laughed at Jonas and Matteo being lazy in the back of the class. and them both putting their heads down. They’re in sync!

Suddenly there’s Axel walking in! Good thing Kiki isn’t part of this meeting. Did he join just to hang out with Mia?

I will say this, I am not complimentary toward Alex, but we’ve seen more of a personality from him thus far than with William, imo. He’s been shown to have some political opinions, and this shows a little bit of creativity/initiative on his part. He seems pretty pleased with his design/logo. He thinks it’s pretty gangster.

His logo is Abi Chaker Clan 2019, which is a reference to a family in Berlin with ties to organized crime? It doesn’t mean much to me as a non-German, but I’m going to take that it’s clever. Most of the group seems to like it. Jonas and Matteo approve. Markus doesn’t understand it. He’s like the only one other than Mia who’s not on board, lol. They take a vote, everyone puts their hands up except Mia. Hanna tells her that it’s better than others, so Mia reluctantly raises her hand. Even when she does so, she’s pointedly looking away from Alex.

As they leave, Jonas sticks his fedora on Matteo’s head. Be still my heart.

They’re going to have another meeting on Friday, Alex offers his place. Mia isn’t gonna be happy about that!

I will say this, this is what I wanted for Noorhelm remakes - give them something to work on that isn’t them dating, like a school project or whatever. Although now I’m like … they could have started with this stuff, the graduation committee, and not gotten into the whole renewed Kiki/Alex angle which makes this all messier and more complicated and harder to be on team Alex or team Winterberg. And I get that’s probably what they were going for, throwing more obstacles into the story so Mia still has doubts about being with Alex, but it also means I need that I need certain aspects addressed before I can fully get on board with this ship, and I’m afraid they won’t do that. Or I’m afraid that Mia’s flaws will be addressed but Alex’s will be excused.

That being said, I’m on team Amira with the decision to let Alex into the group. Sometimes you have to put personal feelings aside, and Alex’s involvement will benefit everyone else in the class by making the yearbooks cheaper. And tbh I don’t think it’s right to exclude someone from participating in a school group like this unless they’re actively disrupting the group itself, regardless of how much that person may have wronged me or my friends romantically.

When Mia starts to argue, Amira says that she knows the cost isn’t a big deal to Mia and some others, but other students came to her and said they couldn’t afford it. I wonder if Kiki was one of them… she probably wouldn’t tell that to Amira, though. Not in those words.

This isn’t Amira’s big secret, though, is it? Like Pawel isn’t some dude at the printing company, and she was just trying to keep it under wraps so Mia didn’t find out? I feel like her secret has to be bigger and more personal than that.

The question is, did Alex do this to get on Mia’s good side or to hang out with her? Or is he trying to engage and do something nice without expectations? Because I respect that second one more, obviously.

Amira is so lovely, I truly hope we get her season.

Clip 2 - Alex is hyped for Game of Thrones to return

Mia runs into Alex. She says they need to talk. He smirks and says, “Winter is coming,” and GOD FUCKING DAMMIT that made me laugh out loud. It’s so obvious but I laughed.

You know, Mia looks a tiny bit like Daenerys Targaryen.

There’s a shot of them walking down the path thing with the divider in the middle, oooo, ~symbolic. They meet at the end.

Mia tells him to stop grinning, and he says yes, sergeant Winter, and salutes. FUCK OFF that’s the second time I’ve laughed in this clip at this dude. I hate myself.

She chews him out for becoming a “committing patron” and he’s all “??? I wanted to help??” And I will give this to him, he did actually help out the group regardless of intentions, so maybe let that one slide, Mia, in the spirit of utilitarianism. Then she mentions NYE and the midnight voice message, which he does deserve to be chewed out for.

SOMEONE IS WATCHING THEM. It’s Sam??? Oh shit, she saw them talking! Hopefully she assumes Mia is just yelling at Alex. But she’s going to know Mia and Alex are in cahoots. Will she end up using this against Mia, or will she go to Mia and offer her support when Mia feels like she can’t tell anyone what’s happening?

Clip 3 - Ironing soothes the soul

Mia checks her phone and sees a bunch of messages from people praising Alex’s motto and hyping him up as the man. She gets off the bed, puts on a Chopin record and we are treated to a slow-montage scene of Mia ironing her clothes, including stuff like pajamas and socks, things that do not really need to be ironed if you asked me.

But I like the purpose of this scene! Mia feels out of control and frustrated and helpless with Alex’s inclusion in the group and everybody praising him and talking him up, and on top of it she doesn’t feel in control of her own feelings, so she has this ritual where she puts on music and makes her clothes neat and orderly. She uses order as a coping mechanism. Even the way this is shot makes it feel very precise and serene, the way she goes about this ritual so calmly, the way she smooths down her ironed items, the way the camera moves upward at the end, like all Mia’s anxieties are just floating away. You can just sink into this moment and realize how Mia clears her head.

Also that it’s classical music - something that also feels very orderly. And as we learn later in the episode, Mia can play piano including classical pieces so perhaps she has a strong history with it.

This was something indicated with Noora - for example, she was throwing out and getting rid of stuff once William had left her, and tidying up her room before she was supposed to meet with William prior to him going to London. She was thrown out of balance when Eskild ate her fish cakes. So I like that they’re going into it with Mia, and as others have mentioned it might be another sign of Mia’s ED. (Perfectionism is a common trait in people with eating disorders, and excessive tidiness/need for order is a sign of perfectionism).

Ironing complete, Mia searches for Alexander Hardenberg online. She considers following Alex on IG - too far, girl, he’s gonna take that as a marriage proposal.

Mia’s phone background includes Hans, awww.

She finds various links including one talking about his sister Sophie, who was two years older than he was. There are theories that Sophie will take over the Niko role, but I don’t buy that. For one, Alexander got very defensive over people talking about his “sister” in the classroom debate, and I don’t think he’d care if his sister was a creep. Second, it would be in EXTREMELY poor taste to have the biggest wlw rep on this show be a woman preying on and assaulting another woman, especially as a counter to Mia and Alex’s heterosexual relationship that’s probably going to be True Love. Just. The worst. I wrote this speculation post, but I think Sophie’s probably dead or something bad happened to her. Björn is some dude who was involved in what happened to her.

I don’t know what song this is as Mia is falling into the Alex Hardenberg rabbit hole, but it sounds like classical to me, and it’s like her coping mechanism/mental safe space is getting conflated with this guy.

Hans bursts into the room saying the Mia needs to look at his dick, because he thinks he has an STD, specifically tripper (gonorrhea) and he needs her to compare with some picture online. OK, I have to say, I have never ever heard that term for gonorrhea before. I’ve only heard it called the clap. Did Druck just teach me something? Yes, it did.

I have to praise Milena’s reactions here, they are restrained but suitably horrified.

Hans exposes his junk to Mia and she notes that yeah, it looks similar to the picture. He storms out and yells his fury to the heavens. When Mia asks if she should go to the pharmacy for him, he says he needs a chamomile tea first. LMAO. I feel like it was implied Mia would make the tea, right?

Clip 4 - Dingalings

Matteo’s just hanging with the girls as they talk about Hans’ clap, I guess. This child is not in a good state. He doesn’t seem very engaged in this conversation, but then again … would you want to hear about someone’s gonorrhea?

The girls are like HERE LOOK AT THESE GONORRHEA PICS and Matteo is just sitting there shooting them looks of WTF.

Sam calls it a “dingaling”. It’s nice to know she uses the same euphemism as my mom. She wants to know what a “gay penis” looks like, compared to a straight penis, I guess. Babe, you can go onto the Internet and find that out with a few clicks.

I laughed again at Matteo giving this side-eye to the girls while he looks at something on his phone. Or him nervously looking at them while they talk about what gay penis looks like.

Matteo picks up a banana as Sam asks about his dingaling. Druck going for that subtle symbolism, I see.

Sam asks Matteo how he measures dingalings, and he’s like, “...what?” There’s a nice moment where Hanna and Mia react and Mia tries to change the subject and divert attention from Matteo, in case this gets into uncomfortable territory for him. I liked that! Different from Eva and Noora having a fun time with Isak’s mysterious sexuality.

However, Sam really wants to know. Matteo mumbles that you do it with a ruler and Sam immediately gets out that ruler like she’s prepared to put this into practice. Not at the table, darling. Matteo isn’t even looking at them as he explains the rest.

Sam writes down “only when it’s hard” and underlines it, like she’s taking notes and this will be on the final exam for Dingalings 101.

Matteo sees Jonas walk in, and Matteo waves him over, probably thinking OH GOD SAVE ME, but Jonas just backtracks out of the room. NOOOOOO. I saw people think he was mad at Matteo, but I thought he was trying to avoid Hanna, which was confirmed in a text. If he and Matteo had a tiff, Matteo probably wouldn’t be waving him over so chill, unless he didn’t know Jonas was mad at him.

Matteo is not even looking at Hanna when she asks if Jonas has someone, just at his phone. What is he so engrossed with on his phone? Is it something specific or just generic sad teenage disengagement? Is it just him being one of The Youths?

Matteo waited until Sam left to tell Hanna that Jonas waits for her to post stuff on IG, IDK if there was a reason he waited. And there wasn’t any real reason Sam had to get up and leave during this scene, so is it at all important? Unless they just wanted the three sadsacks at the table together for the end of this clip, and Sam is not sufficiently angsty about her love life right now.

But Matteo tells Hanna that Jonas doesn’t have a new girl, he waits around for her to post new IG stories. Hanna is confused why, and Matteo is like, why does someone spend an entire evening stalking someone? Ohhh, damn. Mia is gonna feel that comment resonate uncomfortably.

Also, nice of Matteo to help out Hanna and Jonas’ relationship instead of snaking on her. As far as we know. (I think he’s being nice, not a snake this time.)

In case we didn’t get the connection, Axel texts Mia if she prefers wine or beer, for the yearbook meeting tomorrow, I guess. Checking in to see what she likes, her preferences.

We see Mia, Matteo, and Hanna at the table, all of them a little out of sorts. Mia thinking about Axel, Hanna thinking about Jonas, Matteo thinking about … something ... or someone … dude is very busy on his phone.

Clip 5 - After party at Axel’s

Mia brushes her teeth before going over to Alex’s - I guess that’s supposed to be her showing interest in him? A sign that she wants to be at her best? Or, you know, a sign that she practices good oral hygiene.

Hanna texts her and hopes she’s coming soon, because Hanna doesn’t want to be there alone because of Jonas. Damn, kids, you’re really tearing my heart out about this. Get back together already!

Axel texts Mia that she doesn’t need to bring a toothbrush because he has a new one ready for her. Well, that’s rather presumptuous. Mia seems a little amused, though.

She locks herself out of the apartment and texts Hans about it. Hans will be back at midnight to let Mia in. Also the tripper situation is still causing him pain and he stole money from his sick aunt to pay for medicine? Hans is so much more of a mess than Eskild was, like he’s going to have to evolve fast if he’s going to adopt Matteo.

This next part is beautiful, as we cut between Mia getting on the bus and traveling to Alex’s house, and shots of the characters looking into the camera as someone reads the comments about them. Isn’t this kinda like those character descriptions from pre-season? That promo stuff? So maybe it wasn’t just for promo, but an overall theme of the season, about the labels we stick on people or the shallow ways we perceive them.

Hanna - Gets bitch, red devil, arrogant. Who called Hanna a bitch?? Red devil?? Get the fuck out. Ex-BFF is from Leonie. Someone calls Hanna the “best decision of my life” and I think that was probably Jonas, please take that dagger out of my heart, oh my God.

Amira - Gets “hijab” like 8 times. So sad that this is all people know about her or think about her. They see the hijab and think that’s the sum total of who she is, rather than part of it. And it’s also othering, because the hijab stands out, it’s different from everyone else. I feel like Amira is used to it, too, like she probably expected that response. She also gets called ISIS. Man, fuck that edgy piece of shit person who wrote that. At least she gets some other comments like how she’s cool, like the people who actually know her and don’t stereotype her or judge her think she’s the best.

Matteo - Basically he’s a chill bro and fades into the background, although one person thinks he’s a good kisser. Hmmm, has he been going around smooching girls like Isak did?

Alex - gets almost all negative comments about how arrogant or jerkish he is, or his car compensating for his lack of dong size, except for some comments about how he’s hot. Look, if you want me to feel sorry about that, how people are just judging him unfairly, you’ve gotta show me more proof that he hasn’t been a major asshole throughout his high school career and this isn’t an accurate assessment of how he’s treated people or behaved this whole time, even if he’s supposed to be a nice guy underneath.

Mia - gets lots of comments on how hot she is, with some about her feminism or being boring. Habibi comes from Amira. Lesbian? Final one is “prettiest woman on earth” which probably was from Alex, honestly, and she seems kinda OK hearing him read that one out loud. (Although my kingdom for those “lesbian?” and “prettiest woman on earth” comments to have both come from like, Kiki.)

Matteo is once again lying on the couch on his phone, checked out. Someone send that kid an Even to bring him to life.

They talk about whether everyone should be able to cross out comments and that they don’t have time to chase everyone down, but I agree with Mia that everyone should be able to censor theirs, not just the committee. Alex agrees with Mia and gives a sensible option, that people have two weeks to contact the staff if they want to censor their comments. He says he doesn’t want to censor his comments because in twenty years he wants to remember what an arrogant ass he was, and everyone laughs, and you can take that as a sign of character growth that he wants to evolve past being an ass, or him thinking it was a fun time rather than something he regrets.

There’s turtleneck boy again. Who isn’t Even, but maybe could be German Julian Dahl.

Alex ordered pizza and beer, and the meeting gets more like a party. Hanna and Matteo throw pizza at each other and Hanna gives him the finger, cute! Alex arm wrestles Markus the theater photoshop kid. All throughout the evening, Mia seems attuned to Alex’s presence and keeps looking his way. I know that kind of feeling, I’ve been to parties where I was Mia and someone’s presence was like a magnet.

Hanna and Matteo talk in the kitchen about Jonas. Hanna asks where Jonas is, seeing as he’s not at the meeting, and Matteo says he doesn’t know, Jonas wanted to come. Which is a lie seeing as Jonas told Matteo he wasn’t going in a text message that we saw. At least Matteo is trying to spare Hanna’s feelings.

Mia is in Alex’s bathroom, looking at the stuff on the counter. I guess she’s just inspecting his stuff? She opens a jar and it’s overflowing with condoms, lol. I guess Alex got over his “latex allergy” at some point or learned his lesson about not wrapping it up. Maybe he had his own adventure with tripper. (I’m imagining him in his own version of the scene with Hans, wailing and opening his robe to a befuddled Toilet Sam.)

Hans texts her that now he won’t be home until 1. When Mia comes out of the bathroom, everyone else is leaving. Now Mia’s first option is that she could totally leave with her friends and chill with them, and if she’s locked out, she could crash at Hanna’s. But Amira has to study, Leonie has a date, and Hanna is going to the cinema with her dad. (What if Hanna was going to Jonas’ instead ... no, I won’t get entertain that happy delusion.) Anyway, Hanna suggests that Mia just kill time at Alex’s until she can go home.

Mia and Alex look at each other across the room. There is some nice nonverbal tension. The toilet flushes and Markus comes out of the bathroom. Now there are three of them, I like this shot of them in a triangle. Lol, Markus is so drunk he doesn’t know if he puked on himself. He doesn’t know how he broke up the Mia/Alex staring contest.

Alex and Mia look at each other and laugh after Markus leaves, which is a genuinely nice moment. Mia explains her situation and says she’ll go to the cinema or hang out in the park until then. Alex says she could stay and he’ll drive her home later. There’s a funny bit where Mia says he’s not allowed to drive, and Alex says he’ll call his chauffeur, and then does an imitation of Mia’s inner monologue - “Is he that rich? No … or maybe he is?” I do like that they’ve given Alex so much more of a sense of humor.

Lmao, Alex jumping on the random skateboard and gliding across the floor, I have to say if I lived in a big empty place like that, I’d be doing shit like that a lot. Speaking of, that is one big, spacious apartment, like there’s some art on the walls and stuff but it still gives off that cold lonely rich kid vibe.

I like Mia walking around examining the place as he makes her rosehip tea. Alex mentions that his sister used to live here - again, we don’t get more details than that, like whether she moved or died, what happened to her. It seems like he might have cut off that line of inquiry when he asks Mia if she wants honey in her tea - either a coincidence or a deliberate attempt to change the subject.

However, that does throw into context Björn’s appearance in the next clip, because Björn was showing up to the sister’s old apartment. Why was he messing around in there? I think that dude might be the sister’s boyfriend or ex.

There’s a piano. In that same room are a lot of moving boxes; either because Alex was moving in, or because the sister was moving out. Or maybe they were packing up Sophie’s things because she died?

Mia asks him whether he plays or whether it’s there to impress girls. Alex says no, so I’m betting it was the sister’s piano. He also asked whether they should go sit in the other room to drink the tea, I think that he didn’t want to answer questions about the piano or be near it, like it probably reminds him of whatever happened to the sister.

Gold star to Mia for not playing without payment and for not negotiating. I love her.

Was that the theme music from Titanic she was playing and acting like she was really into?? Lmao.

Finally, she plays something legit, “Montagues and Capulets” (or “Dance of the Knights”) from the ballet Romeo and Juliet by Prokofiev. HMMM could there be any connection to star-crossed lovers with this subject matter? Hey, it’s subtler than a banana.

At first I was wondering why her playing seemed out of sync and was like ... did they get a body double to play for her or something? Because I think Milena can really play. But then we see that it’s intentionally out of sync, as we see them eating and talking over the music. Perhaps to symbolize things being out of sorts; earlier this clip we had Mia using classical music as a way to restore order in her life, and here that order is rapidly dissolving, so the music isn’t really soothing, and the images aren’t neatly in line with it.

When Alex asks what song that was, Mia says it’s Drake. L M A O I adore her.

Hans texts Mia that he’s not coming home tonight as he’s met some other dude with gonorrhea and they’re going to hook up. Er, have fun with that, Mr. Currently Peeing Shards of Glass. Anyway, he asks if she can stay at Hanna’s. Alex says Mia can just stay there, she can take the bed and he’ll take the sleeping mat. Mia asks why doesn’t he just sleep on the couch and he says the fridge is too loud. We are treated to the sounds of the thunderous fridge. Actually, it is pretty loud for a fridge, if you’re sensitive to that kind of thing I can see it being a problem.

He says she can rent his bed for the night, like in a hotel. Which is what seems to convince her, him framing it not like a benevolent gesture but a transaction. So Alexander sets up the bed for Mia. He gives the new toothbrush that he had mentioned, and she pays him back what he gave her.

Mia climbs into bed and smells the fresh linen. She checks her phone and Hans says that Emilio finished fast so he’s coming home, and Hanna says Mia can come over. But Mia pulls an Isak, telling Hanna that Hans is home and Hans that she’s with Hanna. Wow, there is no chance of that backfiring, not with these two people who appear to be on friendly terms.

They don’t share a bed as Noorhelm did; true to his word, Alex sleeps on the floor, and she gets the bed. I think that’s indicative of where they’re at with each other right now; they still have distance between them, but they’ve developed a state of comfort and can let down their guard to a degree.

They wish each other good night, and she calls him Axel. That makes him smile. And then he asks that that wasn’t really Drake, was it? Which makes her smile. Let him go to his grave thinking it was Drake, Mia.

Social Media/General Comments

I’ll say this, Chris Veres is doing well as Alex, performance-wise. Previously he was my least favorite William, and I thought he was very flat in S1, which I guess was intentional, since I heard he tried to play Alex as very cold and unfeeling. Now we’ve seen him showing more personality and especially glimpses of humor and levity. So regardless on my thoughts of the character overall, I think the actor is doing a fine job.

A lot of people seem to have hopped on board with Alex after this episode, even people who hated William, and I think that largely has to do with the performance. I’m not sure I would say I’m completely on board with Alex as a character - he still has a lot of stuff to account for, and there are things that I really need Druck to redeem about him in order for me to like him. I especially need apologies - or at least some sense of regret and humility over his specific mistakes, rather than him trying to defend himself and Mia falling for it. But I get why fandom is starting to like him, he’s showing more charisma here. There are things I certainly like about him compared to William, for instance that he seems to have more interests and opinions on things that don’t have to do with his love interest. He had some genuinely funny lines in this episode.

Also, I’ve said it before, but I wasn’t sold on Mia entirely in S1, but Milena Tscharntke is really winning me over this season. Mia feels like her own character, certainly one with traits in common as Noora, but also not a Noora clone.

Kiki was totally absent this episode, and I wonder if that was to lull us into forgetting the Kiki/Alex drama so we, like Mia, could start to fall for him. In putting Kiki aside for an episode, it’s kind of like we don’t have this reminder of what Alex and Mia have done to her, something that I’m sure will come crashing back and causing conflict in the next episode. It also makes you wonder what Kiki has been doing since we last saw her. How is she coping? Breaking more hearts?

The music needs to be used more sparingly. This episode had some good selections but basically it’s falling into a pattern that’s plagued some of the remakes, where the music always gets used the same way: a song at the start of the clip, a song at the end of it, so that it starts to lessen the impact of the music because we can predict when it will appear. I think it happens in some remakes, like Skam France or Druck, because they run some previews/production credits at the end, and they want music to go over it instead of silence. But last season I think they did have some clips that ended with silence over the credits, or things like Hanna sighing, or random banter, and that didn’t bother me, that helped to retain the atmosphere of the clip.

There’s a theory that S3 and/or S4 have been running in the background of this season, and while I can see evidence for that, I really hope it’s not the case. Especially after this last clip - I thought it was great, the pacing worked and there were some inspired directing choices, so imagine what we could get with Matteo or Amira’s seasons with that kind of style. It would work so well with one of the long Evak or Yousana clips, something like Mekke øl or The Best of Islam.

Mia is like, “Won’t we get in copyright trouble for this?” as a feeble attempt in the committee chat not to pick Alex’s motto, lol. Give her credit for fighting a losing battle to the end.

Hans had like three text messages about his clap. First he accuses a dude of infecting him with the clap, while the dude is like, nah, just went to the doctor yesterday, I’m good, and Hans is like … oops … embarrassing. Then he goes after the next dude he banged, who reciprocates his electronic shouting match. Finally messages Michi, who’s like, thank God, I thought you were breaking up with me again. Dude. Hans. I know you find Michi a bore, I guess, but some dude whose reaction to hearing he has the clap is “at least you didn’t break up with me” to the dude who gave it to him, is someone you might wanna hang on to. And not in a boomerang way, in a “this is a keeper” way.

Matteo and Jonas text and apparently Jonas planned to skip the yearbook meeting/party because of Hanna. So that’s probably why he ran away in the dingaling clip, because he saw Hanna there. I’m wondering if they’re going to get back together this season or if they’ll string us along for a few more.

According to Matteo’s IG stories, that was the first time Photoshop Philipp/Markus got drunk, and Matteo made sure to document the highs, followed by the inevitable lows.

I’m not German, so feel free to correct me if I missed anything.

If you got this far, thank you for reading!

#druck reactions #druck

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lostinreality014 · 6 years ago

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#ThinkPositive2018: Dec 31

Slept in until 8 - think I slept for more than 8 hours again

I didn’t have to take any pain meds for this beyond irritating herniated disc in my neck today so that’s a HUGE positive

Did a little bit of grocery shopping

Spent the day watching HGTV

Managed to write down a few more ideas/scenes I have for a second part to a story I’ve already posted

Watched the live stream of Magic Kingdom’s NYE/NY Fireworks celebration and cried - yes I cried

Niall’s tweets

Pics of Harry about and about in Japan

Liam’s insta posts

Michael’s tweets and insta posts

Ashton’s tweets

Few last thoughts before the start of the new year...

2018 was a damn good year to me. December was by far the worst month having been in pain for a little over 3 weeks due to a herniated disc in my neck. But I think I’m finally on the mend and I’m starting to feel like myself again and that’s all I could ask for going into 2019.

Looking beyond the neck debacle, 2018 really was a damn good year. I landed what I could call my dream job and finally feel like I’m in the right place career wise. I’ve successfully secured multiple grants, many in the 5 and 6 figure range which feels incredible. And the people I work with have been beyond supportive of me both in my professional life and in my personal life. They were there for me when my grandmother passed away earlier this year. They were there for me when this whole neck injury happened. And when things were really rough back in October they had my back and got me through a moment when I thought I might not have my job any longer. I couldn’t ask for a better organization and group of co-workers to work with every day. It might have taken 5 years to land this job, but it was worth the 5 year wait.

But some of my best highlights this year were the many concerts I went to and all of the traveling I got to do as well.

Seeing Harry twice this summer - once in Dallas and once in St. Paul - was an absolute blast. His show was absolutely incredible and both are show I won’t forget anytime soon. I mean... I can’t forget the St. Paul show cause Meg and I had seats on the cat walk and I touched his shirt as he walked back and looked the man dead in the eyes. How I didn’t pass out I have no idea because damn that man is beautiful up close and personal. And I’ll never forget the feeling I had listening to SOTT live for a second and third time. And then scream/singing myself hoarse to Kiwi. Can’t wait for the next album and tour.

Then of course there was my summer of Niall and Flicker World Tour. Got to see him 5 times - a couple of those were spontaneous decisions and I have no regrets. I met the man himself in Tulsa of all places and he answered questions at two of the four sound checks I went to. I got to see his dream of playing Red Rocks come true and that’s a night I’ll never forget. And to be there at the very end of the tour to celebrate an incredible world tour is something I’ll never forget. Niall’s entire tour felt like a big, warm, fuzzy hug. It felt like we were always hanging out at his house having a jam session in the back yard around a fire pit. I wouldn’t take back anything about my summer of Niall Horan.

I also got to see 5sos twice this year as well. Once before they dropped Youngblood and once after on their Meet You There tour. Their shows never cease to amaze me and their new sound is absolutely incredible. They’ve grown so much as a band and as individual within the band and I truly can’t wait to see where they go from here. Youngblood truly is a masterpiece (IMHO) and to hear those songs live was a real treat.

Then of course there were also the concerts for Josh Groban and Idina Menzel, Ed Sheeran, and Elton John. I could go on and on about all of these shows but we’d be here all night. All I have to say is that Josh, Idina, and Ed will never cease to amaze me. As for Elton John... I am so happy I got to see him on his farewell tour. That man is a true genius and true talent and I would have been sad to have missed that show. Not to mention, hearing Tiny Dancer, Benny and the Jets, and Candle in the Wind live was out of this world.

Oh... and I got to attend a private listening party for Maren Morris’s new album. That was such a surreal evening. Totally forgot that I was sitting in a room with a Grammy Award winning artists and 21 other fans and some of her family and friends. To hear what her songs meant to her, what the inspiration was behind them, and what went into the entire process of making the album was a true gift. That’s one of those nights I’ll never forget and I can’t believe I was lucky enough to be one of the chosen few. Be on the lookout for her album in 2019. It’s gonna be a banger for sure!

And the last big event of the year was seeing Michelle Obama on her book tour. To hear her speak and talk about her experiences from where she grew up to what it was like in the White House and what it’s like now... that woman is beyond inspiring and if I can be 1/10 of the woman she is in my lifetime, I will be very happy with that.

No matter how good or not so good 2018 was for you, I hope there were enough positives to out weigh the negatives. And if it wasn’t such a great year, I hope your 2019 is the fresh start you’re looking for.

Here’s to a happy, healthy, and incredible 2019! Happy New Year everyone!

#ThinkPositive2018 #Positivity #Positive Thinking #My Happy Place #The Little Things #NYE 2018 #Happy 2019

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harrybosch · 3 years ago

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Glimpse of life

Harry Bosch fic - inspired from Season 7 Episode 1

It’s been 4 months since that nasty “break up” you had with Harry. Everything hasn’t been a same ever since. You felt emptiness. But you’ve already move on. It just things still lingers on your memory.

You were still hanging out with Maddie occasionally because you care so much about her and her dad doesn’t mind either.

Today was a new years eve. Everyone at your family has a plan for themselves. Your parents attended Honey Chandler’s party, Uriel with his friends, Valentino out of town, and you stayed at your house alone. Since Xavier’s death, your parents didn’t make any nye’s party anymore. And you felt so lonely ever since Xaviers gone.

30 minutes before 2020, Maddie called you.

“Hi Zeta! You’re not coming here? I met Sebastian and Tamara.” She sounded so excited.

“Hi beautiful.” You smiled. “Yeah, i just don’t have a spirit to go to any party.” You sighed. “Please don’t let them drunk.”

She laughed. “Happy new year Zeta. Bye.” She hung up the calls and you continued to gill the barbecue meat.

You heard front door is opened. You frowned because it hadn’t new year yet. Then you saw Valentino came with so many plastic paper. “I came home for you with all these thai foods.”

You ran and hugged him. “How was the party at vegas?”

He shooked his head. “I never came to vegas. I was just at hospital working and then i think about you.” He kissed your forehead. “I don’t want you to be alone so I canceled all my plans, bought all of your fave food and came home.”

You smiled and took all the food from his hands. You took all of it to the plate and started eating. “Maddie called me, she met mom and dad at the Chandler’s party.”

He nodded. “And i saw Harry and Donna at the jazz club.” You gave him a glare. “Nevermind what I’m saying.” He didn’t make any eye contact with you. It was a first time again you heard someone mentioned Harry’s name after the last August.

“It’s okay. Don’t worry about that.” You gave him a smile.

#harry bosch #harry bosch fic #harry bosch fanfic #harry bosch imagine #bosch

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im-a-writer--im-in-distress · 7 years ago

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Salt (Insert-version)

Writer: im-a-writer—im-in-distress.tumblr.com

Fandom: Teen Wolf

Insert with: Theo Raeken

Others: McCall pack

Rating: #NewGirl, #GhostOfDepressiveHolePast

Words: 1800+

Warning(s): new girl; mention of deceased relative.

A/N: 1) This idea of Theo smelling salt started weeks ago, but I couldn’t figure out how to move with it. Then yesterday, I worked out in a little during a 10-hour car-ride to my grandparents’ place. I finished it today, just a little while ago. The initial “salt” concept is the same – (I wanted to portray that no matter what) – but the comic and the pack and all that, that was just stuff that popped up as I wrote. I kind of really like this for a couple reasons, so I’m just going ahead and posting it as is. 2) (I get the feeling there may be a series based off this coming someday.) 3) As always, I tend to write things as an OC-version first and then edit to a reader-insert. But if you’d like to read the OC-insert version, you can find that here.

It was a Tuesday after third period when Theo first smelled salt. On particularly stormy days, an edge of saltiness did hang on the breeze as it rolled in from the sea, but that was miles away. On any normal day, even a chimera like Theo Raeken couldn’t smell it. But that day, a new saltiness appeared.

It clung to the walls of his lungs as he paced through the halls of Beacon Hills High School, stealing his focus. This new scent bothered him. There were plenty of weird things in this town; a new anything never meant something good.

The chimera found himself on edge, a place he never wanted to be. He couldn’t bring himself to care about anything important. Certainly not school, but that didn’t often make his priority list. Not his pack and their constant need for supervision. Not even the newest toy of the McCall pack.

Though at least she peeked his interest.

She was a transfer student from abroad. She’d spent the last few years in Cyprus where her mother worked. Her father was in the military there, but was killed in action last month. That’s when they moved back to the town where her mother grew up. She was friendly and enjoyed playing the piano and couldn’t wait to make a fresh start in California.

Or that’s what she’d said in her introduction speech when she’d first walked into Theo’s class. Then she took the spare seat next to him in the back even though the teacher had directed her to the open desk on the other side of the classroom. She smiled at him, helping herself to his textbook, and then waved the instructor on when she noticed everyone was still staring at her. The balding man straightened his Bill Nye tie and cleared his throat, adding to the uncomfortable aura that tainted the room, and then turned to the chalkboard.

She then turned to Theo and reached a hand across her body towards him. “I’m Y/N.”

He took it, pushing a breath out of his lungs. The scent of salt was back and distracting him. “Theo.”

Y/N smiled and turned back to the lesson. Theo watched her for the rest of the period. She didn’t seem like someone who had just lost her dad. He got the impression perhaps they hadn’t been very close, she and her father. She was bright and friendly and really, really talented with a pen soaked in boredom. Her color-coded notebook that she pulled from her bag had every page covered in many, boxed pictures.

They were more than doodles. Comics, he realized. Over-exaggerated expressions and assets with unfortunate proportions detailed people in her life and moments floating around her. She’d tried to take notes, but her pen had started marking down the balding professor in his fifties with pinched features and a Bill Nye the Science Guy tie that was so long it dragged on the floor. A series of three boxes illustrated how he would trip over it every time he went to move.

Theo snorted to himself at the accuracy of the representation, and Y/N glanced at him. He was sure she would slam the notebook shut and blush or tell him off, but she gave him a simple smile before a new look crossed her face. He went stiff, blinking at her. She tilted her head and gazed at him, not saying anything. She wasn’t quite seeing him; she was just looking at him. He didn’t know what to make of that. Then she returned to her comic and started another box below the previous.

Theo watched her pen trace the lines of a new person on the right side of that new box. It was a male in a tight t-shirt and a cheeky smirk. His proportions were complimentary; someone the artist rather liked, he guessed. He was looking at the empty space beside him with a smug pleasure. Her pen sketched something behind him, peeking up from behind the desk like a fat lightning strike. Motion lines were drawn around it like it was waving back-and-forth. Theo’s brow crinkled at it. Then she drew two fluffy ears atop his head, and she leaned back, pleased, a giant grin aimed his way. Theo’s jaw dropped.

She muffled her laughter in her hand, trying hard not to draw attention to herself. Theo’s eyes bugged out of his head as he grabbed her notebook and held it up to his face, staring at the little figure. He’d been drawn into her comic as a smirking, wolf-eared cartoon!

She was still laughing when he looked at her. She shrugged at him, and took her notebook back from him. He resisted her; having caught her attention, he took a single finger and pointed at her. You next.

A look crossed her eyes, and she laid the notebook back out to fill in the blank space. The girl she drew next to the wolf-boy was different that he thought she’d draw her. Different than he’d draw her. This figure was young, very young, with pigtails and bows and a Sunday School dress. She had paint smudges on her face and tainted fingers holding up a finger-painting in celebration. A wide grin took up half her face, but it didn’t mess up the proportions; it was just a happy kid.

Y/N stared at the comic, clicking her pen on the table for a moment. Then she rocked her head like, Eh, good enough, and handed it to him.

Theo wasn’t sure what he made of this representation. It was her, sure, but so young. Like she was only happy when she was little. Simple kid joy. Theo didn’t know why that bothered him. He traced the lines with his eyes: the pigtails held with bows, the paint on her cheek and fingers, the painting being waved in the air with a giant smile plastered on her face. It was almost comedic, like Y/N was making fun of the situation. Then he realized what the little painting was of.

It was Cyprus.

The island was smudged and shaded in different concentrations as though in different colors, like it was an afterthought. Like an adult brain found a shape in their child’s mess.

But it was there. And it was intentional.

And something sad rose up in Theo’s gut. It had been bugging him all day. The bell had rung not long after that, and Y/N had skittered away with her notebook in hand.

As it turned out, he and Y/N didn’t have fifth period together, but seeing her come into the room for sixth surrounded by the McCall pack had something boiling. She hadn’t noticed him yet. But then Lydia did. And the sudden stop in her friend and a crinkle on her nose made Y/N search for the cause. She caught sight of Theo and waved, returning to her search. Lydia yanked her hand down and whispered something to her in a harsh voice, something that Y/N shot her a shocked look for and glanced at Theo with a confused expression.

Theo turned away in his seat. He didn’t need to see any more.

Halfway through class and Theo had found his gaze once again on the new girl. She sat across the room with the McCall pack, Lydia and Stiles sitting in front and beside her respectively, and the kitsune glaring at him from the corner desk. He snarled at her.

Y/N looked uncomfortable. Like she couldn’t breathe. She was stiff and awkward, and Theo could smell the panic from all the way across the room. The McCall pack was oblivious, per usual. Not a clue one they’d claimed as their own was trying not to freak out.

And on top of that, the salt scent was back and stronger than ever. That was worrying him more than it had reason to, and it was all because of this incessant need of his to be close to that girl. It made him crazy that they hadn’t noticed something was wrong; he couldn’t even go investigate the scent and trust they’d watch out for her. His leg was shaking, and he knew all three of that pack could sense his frustration. They kept shooting looks at him.

It was when Y/N shot out of the classroom at the sound of the first bell that Theo realized she hadn’t unpacked anything. She had been sitting on the very edge of her chair, bag in her lap, body made small and tense, eyes glazed over as she focused on staying calm. She hadn’t even taken out a pen to fiddle with.

And that realization made Theo shoot out the classroom door through the McCall pack without even a second glance back when Stiles started cursing at him.

They didn’t try to follow him. They didn’t try to follow Y/N. It irritated him that that annoyed him. He was chasing after some human girl. He had bigger fish to fry.

Theo shook his head and cleared his mind. Students making their last stop at their lockers crowded the halls, but thankfully, that salt scent was much more potent than any human stench. He picked it up passing an adjacent hallway aimed away from the main entrance, and he started after it. It was stronger then, and that wasn’t because there only a few stragglers around him. There was more of it in the air, a thicker stream rushing up his nose. He narrowed his eyes as it got stronger and stronger, his steps faster as he followed it deeper into the emptying halls. He followed it around another corner and then—

It was gone.

Theo sniffed the air; the salt was dimmer now. It was behind him. He turned around and found the stream again. It was dispersing, its source gone now, but there was still a concentration of it near him. He could smell it. And he could… hear it?

The chimera shook himself clear of his tracking instincts. He needed to focus. Then he heard it.

He shoved the door to the empty music room open, and Y/N leapt out of her skin. She whirled around from her place on the piano bench, her hair flying around her and bright, shimmery streaks painting her cheeks.

Theo stared at her as she stared at him, both at a loss of what to do. Her bright eyes sparkled with water, her pale skin tinted with red. The grand black piano casting a large shadow behind her made her look small. And Theo remembered the pigtails in the comic.

Y/N turned away from him, somehow trying to hide the fact that he’d seen her crying. But it didn’t matter. He could smell it clearly. It was her. The salt was from her tears.

He closed the door and came to stand behind her. The saltiness of her scent brought a sadness that chased away the fear of the unknown. It didn’t mean there was a monster. It just meant there was a human girl who was utterly heartbroken.

And he wanted to be around the day she drew a comic of herself that smiled as an adult…

#imagine #imagines #teen wolf #theo raeken #teen wolf imagine #tw imagine #teen wolf imagines #tw imagines #theo raeken imagine #theo raeken imagines #x reader #teen wolf x reader #tw x reader #theo raeken x reader #fic rec #tw fic rec #teen wolf fic rec #theo raeken fic rec #theo x reader

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topazshadowwolf · 7 years ago

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Troubles With Sleep

Day 2 of Soriel Week! The prompt is “sleep”, so get ready for some rad sleeping action! Also, I made an art, which you could find at the end!

An Undertale Fanfiction by: Topaz Shadowwolf Undertale is owned by: Toby Fox Relationships: Soriel Rating: Everyone Heads up: Mention of death

Troubles With Sleep

For the longest time, Toriel had trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. At night, in the quiet hours in the Ruins, her mind would wander to the darker concepts in life. She would see and remember things she could and will never forget. Her mind tortured her with haunting memories of faces, pain, and cries for help; which chased her all-night long.

First, she would remember watching Chara, her beloved adopted child, slowly die an agonizing and horrible death. Nothing she did eased the suffering the innocent soul endured. No matter how much she wanted to take that burden on herself, she could not. After all the times, she promised the child that she would keep them safe, she was powerless to save them.

Then her son. Her dear, sweet son, who was the light of her life. His broken and blooded body was found collapsed and dying on the throne room floor. She remembers being there, by him, as he clung to the empty body of his dead sibling. Sobbing as her healing magic failed to do anything. Then breaking into a hysterical wail as he fell to dust. In the moment he needed her most, she failed him. Twice in one day she failed as a mother.

Asgore, also pained by the loss of his children, acted. While she mourned, he declared war on the humans. How he could do that, after loving and caring for Chara, was beyond her scope of understanding. For the next few days they yelled, argued, and refused to be near each other. For years upon years, he had always come to her for such decisions. She would talk to him, counsel him. And now? He turned from her, ignored her, and refused to listen to her reason; nor, would he back down. Even when she explained the idiocy of it, he did not relent. That was when she left. Turning her back on the one she had come to love with all her heart, and leaving him with his own choice of bloodshed.

Every human child, who fell, she cared for as long as they would stay with her. She made sure they had food, drink, bed, shelter, love, and new clothes for their growing bodies. But each one left. They each seemed to have a mission they were driven to complete. And every time, news filtered through of their deaths. For all of them, she felt her soul die a little more, and her ability to sleep diminished. She became cold, distant, and angry with the world and the monsters in it. Never again did she think she would find joy or happiness.

Even after moving to the surface, her sleep patterns hadn't improved. There was concerns at work, about human and monster relations, Asgore wanting her forgiveness, Frisk wanting her to forgive Asgore, and the wellbeing of Frisk. There was so much going on in her life, so much to think and worry about. There was hardly any time for sleep, and some nights she half spent sitting up, making lists of all she needed to do for handling upcoming events.

As if she didn’t already have enough to worry about, her mind would wander to the health of her one dear friend. The one monster who showed her how to laugh again while they were still underground. He had brightened up her life, day after day, visiting her door, telling her jokes and stories about life outside and his brother. And the day they finally met, and learned each other's names, was one of the greatest in her life.

It didn’t take her long to figure out that Sans didn't share her problem. He slept very easily, passing out at any moment. A few times he apologized for leaning on her in his sleep, but she didn't mind. In fact, she really enjoyed the feel of his weight on her side, the subtle movement of his ribs as he breathed, and the soft hum of his magic and soul.

If anything, it made her feel drowsy, which was something she hadn't felt in ages. Remembering this, a few times at night, she would imagine hugging him. Feeling him there, in her mind, and letting his deep voice chase the ill thoughts away. It seemed childish, and it was something she wouldn’t want to tell him; but, it helped.

This night it was not working. No matter how hard she tried, sleep would not come. She wanted to talk with him, and was considering calling him. But she knew that is silly, he would be in bed, asleep like she should be. Still, her insomnia was getting to her and she had to do something. Grabbing her phone and a stylus, she found her text conversation with Sans and send a quick message.

*We should meet tomorrow (or today, considering the time), I found a pretty puzzle we can put together. That is, of course, if you're not too busy with work. Hope I don't wake you, sleepy bones, and for a piece of your time tomorrow.

With it sent, she started reviewing their old back and forth joke telling. What she wasn't expecting was how quickly she received a reply.

*hey t, you're up late. sure, i can see you after work. noon good?

*So are you, I thought you’d be asleep. And yes, noon is perfect.

*k see you then.

She stared at her phone for a moment. It would be easy to dismiss it as him waking up to her text and being tired. Or that he was just up late with his brother for some reason. But it still bothered her that he didn’t reply with a single pun or joke. He didn’t even acknowledge the one she made. Frowning she decided to not let this slide.

*Alright, but Sans, what are you doing up?

There was a long pause, as the dots indicating he was responding appeared and disappeared multiple times. Finally, the reply came.

*what abt you?

That skeleton!

Toriel huffed and glared at her phone. How dare he flip her concern for him back on herself. He was deflecting, and unlike usual, not with a joke. Quickly, she wrote a new message.

*I am fine. You, though, fall asleep at the slightest lull in activity. I don't want you passing out more than normal, or sleeping at your job.

*i won't, t.

Toriel sighed. How would he know? He’ll most likely be so tired when he gets here, the moment she set the puzzle out he’d fall asleep. As she sat there fuming, he sent another message.

*sorry

Toriel looked at that word, confused; but more than that, she felt concerned. As far as she knew, there was nothing for him to be sorry about. Considering the times she has caught him looking, sounding, and acting melancholy, she couldn’t help but worry.

*For what, my friend?

*everything

*I’m not sure I understand what you mean.

*never mind, i should sleep, good night.

*Sans, are you alright?

He took a moment to reply.

*nyes

He then quickly corrected.

*yes

*I’m calling.

The dots of him replying quickly popped up, but she didn't wait to see. She flipped over to her contact list, selected his name and called. He let it ring a while before answering.

“hey, t.”

“What did you mean by ‘everything?’” Toriel asked.

“it's nothing, don't worry about it,” there was such a heaviness in his tone.

“I don't believe you, what's wrong?” She persisted, saddened to hear him like that.

“i,” he started, but stopped, so she waited. Experience has taught her that it sometimes takes him a moment to collect his thoughts, especially when he was going to talk about something he normally wouldn’t. From the other end, she heard a shuddering sigh before he continued, “i’m prone to nightmares. and i was awake when you texted because of a pretty bad one. just left me rattled, heh.”

It is rare for him to open like that, and she knew better than to point out that he sounded distressed. “I’m sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“thanks tori, but it's fine, really. you should sleep, and i should get back to sleep.”

She sat there for a moment, knowing this skeleton all too well to just accept that answer, “If I were to hang up, would you go to sleep again?”

His silence answered that. He had nothing to say, because he knew she wouldn’t like the answer. Though, if he was prone to nightmares, like he said, perhaps that is why he is always falling asleep during the day. The sleep needed isn’t being achieved at night.

“If I say I will try going to sleep, could you try as well?” Toriel asked.

“sure, tori,” he said. There was some humor there, but still, the heaviness was present. They then wished each other goodnight, and hung up.

Toriel did get some sleep, but it wasn’t much. The next morning, she got up, made breakfast, and then walked Frisk to their friend’s house to play. It was nice when Frisk could have days like this, to just be a child. If it were possible, she would go back in time and stop Asgore from putting so much responsibility on the poor child’s shoulders. She was unsure how he could not see that Frisk was too young for a job like that.

As she walked home, she thought back to the shared issue with sleep. That is when she got a brilliant idea, but she would need a little help to do it right. Pulling out her cell phone, she knew just who to call.

After hanging up with Toriel, Sans did go back to sleep, only to wake up again. He had another two hours before his alarm would go off and he doubted he would sleep yet again.

…

His alarm woke him, so he must have drifted off at some point. Unwilling to get up, he rolled to his back and stared at the ceiling, debating calling in sick. But, if he did, he’d feel guilty that he skipped work and then hung out with Tori. Pap needs the money for school, food, and housing costs.

In the underground, Sans had multiple jobs to pay for the house. So far, he managed to find just one-person willing to hire his boney butt on the surface, and they only took him on part time. Right now, the brothers were getting by on savings and what little Sans can earn. As for Papyrus, Sans would rather work himself to the bone and let his bro focus on his studies, and not worry about a job or money.

Closing his eye sockets and rubbing his face, he really didn’t want to get up. His second alarm went off and he finally rose from his bed and grabbed his uniform. He then set on his bed and stared at, with the enthusiasm of any resident of Snowdin who had the ‘pleasure’ to spend the day with Jerry.

At his third alarm, Sans finally got dressed, and exited his room before the fourth - ‘hurry up and get ready now’ - alarm went off. He grabbed a breakfast bar, his jacket, and left.

Sans’ job was simple. Either he was taking orders, handling money, and passing off the food; or he quickly prepared food for waiting customers. This early in the day, what was cooked mostly consisted of eggs and bacon. It was a small, non-chain, food joint, that Papyrus wouldn’t want to work or eat at. Not that different than his hotdog stand in Hotlands or even Grillby’s, really.

When his shift ended, he made his way to Tori’s, feeling more defeated than he did when he started the day. Dealing with some of the customers dampened his mood, immensely. And there were so many disgruntled humans there today, that his coworkers agreed he should stay in back for food prep, leaving the customers to them.

Once at Toriel’s house, he walked up to the door and sighed, glancing down at his clothes. He could smell work on himself. He should have swung by home first, even if it made him late. But he said noon. What he really should do is just tell her he's feeling sick and go home. Unsure if he should talk or text, he stared at the door.

Well, he was here, might as well talk.

He knocked twice on the door and hear a voice from inside call, “Who’s there?”

“no bell”

“No bell who?”

“did i win the nobel prize?”

Toriel laughed as she opened the door to let him in. Hearing her voice was all he needed to have his day brightened, and his final decision was to stay. When he walked in he was about to go to the table, where he was sure the jigsaw puzzle would be waiting, but what he saw in the family room caught his attention. Blankets were propped up on chairs and the sofa to form a tent like structure. It was rather big, bigger than any blanket fort he or Papyrus ever made.

“frisk make that?” Sans asked, admiring the effort.

“Actually, I did. I don't know about you, but I’m still tired from last night,” Toriel stepped closer and placed one of her large paws on his shoulder. It was warm with her magic naturally flowing through it, like the life blood of humans. He wanted to look up at her as she spoke, but his eyes were transfixed on the soft, shimmering fur, and the elegant opalescent claws at the end of each finger.

“uh, yeah, same,” was his less than dignified response.

“So, I thought we would relax, maybe watch a movie and rest or nap instead. After all, I tried reading this morning but my tired eyes kept blurring the words,” Toriel continued. Sans glanced up at her face, seeing that beautiful smile of hers aimed at him.

To this change of events, he wasn't sure what to say. “ok,” was the best he could muster. He then remembered he was in his work clothes, “i could head home and change, it won't take long, I know a shortcut.”

“No need, my dearest friend,” she said as her hand left his shoulder. Curious he trailed after her when Toriel moved further into the house. “For you see,” she said before picking up a duffel bag, “someone told me long ago about a wonderful and sweet monster. And he was more than willing to gather some things for you.”

Sans stared at the bag being offered to him. It was his old bag, teal blue with grey accents, that he used when he was attending college underground. He would pack it and take it with him when he would to be away a few days. He took and opened it to find a set of pajamas and some wash clothes just under a well-used book.

“Oh? What’s that?” Toriel asked.

“a bedtime classic at our house. so, if this is what we’re going to do, let’s get ready, settle back, and join fluffy bunny in his adventures,” Sans looked up at Toriel. She was an amazing friend, and Papyrus, obviously, the coolest bro.

Papyrus must have bought the pajamas after Toriel called him, as Sans hadn’t owned a pair since reaching adulthood. That, and the obvious hint was the tag still being on them. Sans had gone in the bathroom to clean up, which didn’t take long. When he walked out, he joined Toriel in the blanket and pillow fort. The two cuddled next to each other while he read. Just like at home with Papyrus, Toriel was asleep soon after the story finished. As Sans laid there, next to the most beautiful woman he could ever hope to be near, he wished that this moment would last the rest of his life. They had been friends for so long, hanging out together as often as possible. They had been getting closer, but they have only really ‘hung out.’ They were impromptu dates, but it would be nice to make it more official. Perhaps, if he still has the nerves to, when he wakes he’ll ask her out on a proper date.

#sorielweek #sorielweek2017 #undertale #fanfiction #soriel #sleeping is rad #I love sleep #I sleep way to much #I need sleep #like right now #no i don't #well #maybe #anyway #i hope you enjoy

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monsieur-darling-blog · 6 years ago

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The Taylor Swift Break Up Playlist

I remember the feelings stronger than the words that were said. Isn’t that how a breakup always goes? At twenty-nine, I’ve had my fair share of those. My first was when I was twenty-one. I threw a cellphone at my soon-to-be-ex’s head and told him I hoped he die. When I was twenty-six, I had another, more gut-wrenching than the first, where my boyfriend called to tell me he didn’t want to be with me any longer. He decided to dissolve our romance at his dentist’s office and couldn’t wait for me to get to my apartment and tell me in person. And then there were those relationships that just fizzled into nothingness, where no one got hurt or responded to a “Where do you want to get dinner?” text. But my most recent, which occurred less than twenty-four-hours ago, has left me in an emotional state I’ve never faced until now. I’ve been blindsided.

I met him as most people do: online. I swiped right because he was cute and mentioned that he liked red wine and Taylor Swift in his profile (I know, I’m fucking pathetic). I messaged him within the hour of our matching and asked him what his favorite song from each of Taylor’s albums is. He responded within another hour with his answer and asked for my own. I reviewed his picks carefully; after all, this was a potential mate. I should’ve noticed the negative signs radiating off my cellphone screen when he announced that his favorite song from Reputation was “So It Goes”. But I didn’t. Instead, I sent him mine. Just like that, our relationship progressed from online sexting to real, “see-you-in-a-bar” dates.

Our first date started on bad footing. The bar we planned to meet at was hosting a private event. So we walked awkwardly through the brownstone-lined streets of Boerum Hill, in search of a beer for me and vodka for him (he had an “allergy” to beer, another major red flag). We tried to make small talk. He decided to take me to some low-lit hipster bar, who’s name I can no longer recall. While we sat, we talked about our families and found conversation in our similarities: we were both one of six children, the only full-blooded from of our father’s, and lived in New England. The majority of my friends in New York hail from the West, so I haven’t been able to relate to someone about what it was like growing up in an quaint, Hallmark-card town until that moment. I admit, I was interested to learn more about him. We left the bar and meandered to another, where I proceeded to feel the tingle in my fingers and realized I was tipping off the edge of buzzed and into drunker territories. I can’t recall anything we spoke about at that place but I know that I was becoming intensely attracted to his sheer masculinity. He was tall, hairy, and had blue eyes and a husky voice. I wanted to bring him home that night just to see what he was working with. Instead, a took a Lyft and left him behind with nothing but a kiss to remember me by.

But, miraculously (by today’s dating standards, anyway), he texted me the next day. And then I texted him the day after that. And so on and so forth until we had been on multiple dates, all with mundane similarities. Dark bars: check. Getting drunk because we’re too awkward to have “real” conversation: check. Talking about nothing until we both forgot what the other had said: check. The only thing I can recall from this time period happened after I drunkenly stumbled out of a bathroom and took my seat beside him. We drank martinis after chugging a carafe of wine at dinner. I asked him about his corporate holiday party, which he had idiotically invited me to earlier that week. He said it was an enjoyable experience but mentioned that I had missed out. Then we had a true open-discussion, probably our first. I mentioned that it would be weird for someone he had just started hanging out with to be at his work party. He told me, “Well, I would’ve introduced you as my boyfriend” and shrugged, as though it were nothing.

That’s all it took for me to put things into high gear. He mentioned boyfriends and I was thought things were going to be serious. I don’t know why, I guess I’m crazy. He left that week for Christmas in Connecticut but we continued to text the entire time, mostly about mundane things like working from home and drinking with your family. Meanwhile, I was digging out little things he was saying, romanticizing these bullshit lines he was feeding me, such as, “Morning! Hope your days starting off alright with work. You make cranky look good btw”/“Wow this wasn’t what I expected but I love it and you’re adorable”/“Wow just making me more excited to see you soon good job” blah blah blah trash.

When he came back to New York, we made lunch plans. I trekked in a downpour to meet him in Tribeca at some shitty, overpriced Mexican restaurant so he could eat the majority of my meal and we could, once again, have timid conversation face to face. I asked him about coming to my apartment, or vice versa, something that we still hadn’t done, which I thought was super weird since we’d seen each other so regularly. If I’m your “boyfriend” to your coworkers, shouldn’t I at least see where you live? When I mentioned that I wanted him to come watch a movie, he tensed up and deflected from the question. It wasn’t until later in the day, after I escaped him and ran to the nearest bar to take a Fireball shot on my own, I got the nerve to mention that my feelings were kind of hurt. I asked him if he was into me. He said, “Yes I definitely am. Feel the same way?” Which I responded, “Yes, duh!”

Him:“Good! Mind if I ask why the random question?”

Me: “I kinda got the vibe when I brought up you coming to my apt that you weren’t really down.”

Him: “I’ll be honest I just got a bit nervous about it because i want to and I know we talked about it before and going to each other’s places etc but I did and do and will but in an effort to try and play it cool at fear of saying something dub I came off as uninterested and I’m sorry I made you feel that way :) like I said I’m very interested in you.”

Me: “Well no worries I don’t think anything you say is dumb”

^^^^ PROBABLY THE DUMBEST THING I COULD SAY ^^^^

Me (cont.): “And I def don’t want to put pressure on you, but I just wanted to make sure you’re into me like I am into you.”

Him: “You’re not putting pressure and if anything I appreciate you asking to make sure, I would do the same thing. Can definitely say we’re into each other because I know I’m really into you. Hence the movie hangs this weekend and whatever happens to our NYE”

Me: “Lame ass Emojis… okay! Thank you for saying that. I can’t wait for NYE with you.”

Him: “Of course and neither can I honestly it’ll be fun and very cute.”

Cut to Saturday night. He came over so we could watch “A Simple Favor.” We watched in near silence, but once the movie eventually ended, we moved to my bedroom and took our clothes off. I knew he was a top (because, like a real class act, he put it in his tinder bio) and normally so am I. I thought the wine would help prepare me to bottom, but I noticed it was wearing off and I flat out told him that I wasn’t drunk enough to fuck. I, being the gentleman that I am, said that I respected him and all that shit that I didn’t actually think just so I wouldn’t have to deal with the repercussion of having something shoved inside me, and the painful morning it would bring. Thankfully, he let it slide and we just grouped each other. I don’t know if it was because we were naked on my bed, but I definitely became more uninhibited and we discussed our New Year’s Eve plans. I mentioned that I would call him my boyfriend to my friends and he smiled and said okay. I wanted to be in something real, something validated, a relationship, and as a twenty-nine-year-old I feel one hundred percent okay with wanting something serious. He decided not to sleep over because I had to get up at 7:30 in the morning. Another red flag, maybe? At this point, I think I just chose to ignore them.

Then it was the big New Year’s Eve night. It was raining again, but that didn’t dim my shine. On the contrary, I was wearing the most ridiculous sequined blazer that I scored over Christmas, along with a pair of sparkly Jimmy Choo’s. I looked like I stepped off the low brow version of a Balmain runway. Earlier that day, we discussed Taylor’s new Netflix special. We couldn’t wait for the night to commence. I was excited to be out and about with my new man, proudly showing him off to everyone, like an extension of my blinged out accessorizing. He looked good, for the most part. In a turtleneck and blazer he whipped up the grossest martini I’ve ever consumed (waaaaay too heavy on the vermouth) but like the perfect fucking “boyfriend” I swallowed that shit down and said it was fine. He threw on a yellow glittery hat that I should’ve thought looked stupid but instead decided was cute. We stepped out into the night and landed at one of my best friend’s apartments, only two blocks away.

I consciously decided to introduce him by name to everyone, rather than “boyfriend” because I felt weird about it. But as the hour ticked by, and I tossed back more Bud Light’s, I once again felt lowered in my inhibitions. A friend of a friend pointed to him while I was grabbing another drink from the refrigerator and said, “Who’s that guy in the yellow hat?” And then I tried it out, probably from jealousy, but also because I really wanted to claim him as mine. I said, “That’s my boyfriend. Do you want to me him?” Not realizing that I was probably weirding the guy out. When I brought him over, they exchanged formalities, and the friend of a friend immediately left for another party, probably because I embarrassed him. My bad.

“My boyfriend” wanted to go to his sister's New Year party to watch the ball drop. I felt ridiculously uncomfortable meeting his family this early on, but it was something he wanted to do, so I decided to bite my tongue and say that I was fine with it. It was very low-key, a group of people either my age or a little older, around a cheese plate. I tried my hardest to be social and polite, engaging these people in the stories about their lives, telling me things that I would probably forget about come morning time.

And after the ball dropped (on a delay) and I got my New Year’s Kiss, we proceeded to yet another party, this time with his friend’s rather than relatives. We stood beside each other the entire time, snapping pics, talking to the other guests, holding hands, ringing in the New Year. I was happy to be around him and excited for all the good things that were coming in 2019, potentially with him. I passed out in his bed and when I woke up, I harassed him while he continued to nod off, cuddling him, trying to squeeze him so tightly that he could physically feel how happy I was to be there. He giggled, got me Advil, kissed me, and things felt good. We walked to a cafe for bagels and while we sat at the window, I saw his face change. He wasn’t smiling anymore. It was like something had dawned on him and I immediately became worried. My own hangover started to kick back in, so I told myself I was being paranoid. I walked to Atlantic Avenue, took the train home, and took two huge bong rips. When I resurfaced from my self-inflicted coma, hours later, everything had changed.

For three days, I felt super paranoid. I couldn’t shake the feeling, no matter how much I smoked or how much wine I drank. He stopped texting me good morning. He seemed uninterested in how my day was going or what my plans were. Something was off and I went to my two best friends for advice. They both said I needed to take a step back and breathe: everything was fine. I tried that. We made plans for Saturday night. We’d hang out at one of our apartments. He didn’t seem all that interested in though, so I said we would hang only if he wanted to. He told me it’d “be good” to see me which I overanalyzed, took as something that he didn’t actually want to do, and started to feel like things were falling apart. But then on Friday, I caved and texted him. I told him that I hoped he was having a good day. He reciprocated in the way he used to. He was animated. He punctuated everything with an exclamation mark for crying out loud! He asked me if I wanted to meet him for a drink. We’d check out Ward III in Tribeca after we finished working. I was elated. I even told one of my friends that I was no longer worried, everything was fine, he wanted to hang out again. Whew.

So at 7:00 I walked down West Broadway until I finally hit Reade Street. I knew the route well, it’s right near one of my train stops. I waited for him outside for nearly fifteen minutes, listening to SZA, wishing I had a cigarette. When he finally showed up, he kissed me. We walked into the bar and he ordered drinks. That’s when things started to become a blur. He was aggressive, terse in his words, and I called him out on it. His teeth were dark: he had drank wine at work before he came to meet me. I asked him if everything was okay. He said they were. I mentioned our plans for the next day and he said, “Well, we’ll see what mood I’m in.” I started to get irritated so I asked, “Well do you even want to hang out?”

He smiled and said, “No.” My stomach dropped. My intuition was confirmed. He didn’t want to see me. I asked him why. He said, “I brought you here to talk about that. I don’t think I’m ready to be in a relationship.” I asked him why again. I can’t remember how many times I asked him why. He gave me the same stupid excuses of the men who get scared of commitment. He felt things were getting too intense. I mentioned that he was the one that brought up exclusivity to begin with. He said he wasn’t. I reminded him of the time he brought up us being boyfriends. He said that he didn’t know what else to say. I asked him why he didn’t just tell me before New Years, before I had told people that we were together, before I made myself look like a fucking idiot. His response was that he couldn’t do it when I brought it up on my own because we were both naked in my bed. “What was I supposed to do? Put my pants on and leave?” Yes. That’s exactly what you should’ve done. It would’ve been less awkward then telling me in a packed bar, where people were looking at us, seeing me flail my arms in exasperation, trying to get him to tell me the truth, trying to cling to any feelings he might still have for me. I asked if there was another person. He said no, but I don’t believe him. I asked him what had changed in three days. He kept saying his own feelings. I desperately asked if he wanted to hang out again. He said that he bought me a beer and we could still hang out as friends tonight. I got angry, chugged the beer he bought me, snatched my backpack from the floor, and ran out of the bar, towards the train and tried to remember everything he had said, but it appeared that my sudden heartbreak had clouded all the terrible words he had said. I couldn’t believe what had transpired. I felt like I wasted so much time (really only a month), thinking things were going so well because he couldn’t be a decent person and be honest with me from the get-go. I couldn’t believe that he was laughing at me, making me sound like everything was in my head, even though I knew it wasn’t.

I know he had feelings for me. That was obvious. But I couldn’t believe how cruel he had become in those fifteen minutes. It was like he switched personalities, Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde style. I was incapable of really listening to what he was saying, instead choosing to hear the things that he wasn’t. He said it was all on him. I knew it was actually all because of me. I got home, turned on all the lights in my apartment, and threw on a movie. I waited until my roommates came home before I told them the story of what happened, why I was already drunk from a giant bottle of Malbec. They listened to me, like all loyal people do, and said all the things good friends say: that he was just an idiot, that I dodged a bullet, that they could tell we were both getting ahead of ourselves. I was still sad, though. But when my roommate grabbed my face with his hands and smacked me, lightly, across the face, telling me to “Take a walk and write about it,” I knew that I had two options. I could revel in sadness over another failed attempt at romance. Or I could get my shit together and take the last month for what it was: another feeble attempt at dating in New York.

The next morning, I got out of bed. Sadness still lingered in my body but it was replaced by something stronger. I felt angry and stupid. Time and time again, I tell myself not to get attached too easy. Whenever I start something new, I try not to over analyze anything. With him, I did good. I made progress compared to my other, more all-consuming romances. I didn’t mention him or our “relationship” to anyone until the week leading up to New Years. I let it be something fun and personal with no expectation. But I took his kinder words to heart and that’s where the confusion began. I went for a walk this morning. I searched on my Spotify account for a specific album. It was Taylor Swift’s “Red.” I hit play on “State of Grace” and started walking down the sidewalk. My initial decision was to go to the Co-Op in my neighborhood and get groceries. Instead, I walked past it. I walked to the park. I walked past the park to Park Slope. I walked past Park Slope to Atlantic-Barclays, where I turned towards the East and knew he was probably laying around, hoping he was thinking about me, realizing he probably wasn’t. I walked further. I ended up walking for five miles, all the way to my train’s first stop in Brooklyn. I listened to “Red” in it’s entirety, then switched to “1989″ and listened to all of that, and then most of “Reputation” and tried to garner truth from Taylor’s words. I was annoyed that he ruined one of my favorite artists for me. Now, whenever I’d hear one of her songs, I’d think of him. But I also let the sadness envelope me. I needed to feel these things in order to make real progress towards discovering things about myself I didn’t want to confront: my neediness, my desire to be in something with substance, the comfort of feeling a warm body beside my own, all in all my motivation to find love in a place I’m starting to think doesn’t exist.

I waited for the Q to take me back home where I could compile my thoughts and write this essay. I don’t know if the things I’ve learned about myself from him will stick. The small wound in my gut is still too fresh. So what I can take from this short-lived fling are the fuzzy memories of prospect. Now, I’m stuck thinking about the way the electricity between people can ignite and implode. I hope that I will feel the spark again, with someone better, more mature, and that the feeling will stay.

#writing #writer #long reads #romance #breakup #lgbt #personal essay #essay

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chiburkie · 8 years ago

Text

Here it is the 3rd day of a new year, 2017. 2 pages of this first chapter of this new year, have been completed. In my time zone......have a little over 8 hours before the day is complete here where I am.

Was going back over past posts and came across this one....which I did in July of last year...and well, felt like I should add to it......since there were a few more things that I noticed or someone shared with me.

I have seen people asking who still believes RK are still together or something like that. And well, since 2013, I have gathered things that I have noticed........that I believe, that yes, they are still together......and I respect anyone who thinks differently.

So...here is what is a list of what I have noticed....somewhere along the way I may have missed something, I don’t stay on twitter & such all day.....I have a life and it does get rather busy or full of things that need my attention more then hanging out on the internet.

2013

This starts when she leaves her road trip & heads back to LA when James G. passed & she wore Rob’s sweatshirt home.There is that pic of her in the airport. Red Truck pic with the ping pong table. Then there was that party at Rob’s old house…..for Nick J. There is a pic of Sia & she is right behind her with her back to the camera. They were spotted in Echo Park & a convenience store during the launch of Rob’s Dior campaign. And when their friends had that dessert party with the stuff thrown down the center….Rob was there….his cracked phone was sitting right out on the table…..K leaves for Paris FW wearing that new ring…..Rob is with K’s friends at a Beyonce concert….then gets a van with them when leav Comes back….he is filming MTTS she is filming COSM He is on set with her….as we got those weird pics……he is sitting in the back of the SUV when they leave.and I wouldn’t be surprised to find out she had visited him on the set of MTTS When CXR is done….there is a few days……heads out to film COSM…….she has ROB’s guitar case with her……Suize, Jack, Nettie, Nettie’s bf, Micheala….even Marcus’ gf…..joined her on & off the set…..ate lunch or dinner with her…..

Rob was at that wedding with Kristen/Suzie/Jack in London during COSM filming Then we get pics of her visiting a pumpkin patch….they have a pumpkin cutting contest of sorts and one of them carves a baby on theirs. Leaving in separate trucks from the Summit neighborhood. She filmed Anesthesia in Nov at Columbia University……Then we see her at that Dallas Chanel show with Dakota.They spend Christmas in London….NYE in NY….Rob is spotted with Dakota……

2014 CXR goes to Sundance FF……we later find out that Rob was there with her.Pic of R with those 2 guys……that they said K took. K eats at the same place R took his British friends…..wearing the Irie t-shirt Rob is filming Life in Canada…….She goes to NY to film SA……we got that video that was pulled……told others would be fined if they showed it…….Rob was there with her in that video. Sometime in April/May we get a pic of RK on the set of SA heading towards a cab K Says Brewery Hotel is her fave (even after she’s been to Paris) We get a random sort vine video that has been shortened……with her holding her hand up & talking about kissing at work v home saying"Me & Rob.“

A fan asked Ruth on Ruth’s IG, May of 2014 if RK were ok and together and Ruth favored it, in response. Peter greeting Rob happy Father’s Day 2 girls spotted them in Pali house. She films AU She goes to the Met Gala with Riley. after-party wears an old holey shirt of Rob’s.Both go to Cannes She goes to PFF week again….gets back….4th of July with R at AG’s party Aug/Sept heads to Japan to film Equals……yes Rob visits a few times Kristen, while is Asia, filing Equals, wore socks with Heineken on them, one of R’s favorite beers. K Wears his watch during an after party & on the way home……There was some kind of screening with Drake…��director from Equals….some pic showed up…they are both there sitting next to each other. (don’t know where the pic is….but it is out there somewhere. Nov they are BOTH at that awards show….and disappear after she gives JM her award…..two people saw THEM together backstage…..Rob does a virtual autograph for someone on twitter that has an avi of K but LOVES RK!!!! At some Thanksgiving thing……as we get a pic of R…..then Suzie with the same chap They spend time in London, NY, Hawaii………. courtesy of the numb nuts….we get a video of R in a store with his mum & one of his sisters….in the CHlIDREN’s section of said store.

2015

K does a interview on the Today Show…….stays at the same place as Tom & Sienna Alannah did a shout out in January, on Twitter for an art show Nettie was to have in Los Angeles that started on the weekend of the 17th.Kristen was away in NYC, promoting SA, at the time of Alannah’s tweet, but came home, and on Jan. 19th pics came out of her,with Nettie, Alicia, etc. on the beach in Malibu…Wears R’s blue & black shirt at Riley’s bachlorette weekend thing Wears R’s jungle sweatshirt with No Problem cap She wear’s R’s tie in a video thing for the Oscar Rob on the beach with Cole…the day K has a photo shoot on the same beach. He has a Dior photo shoot & we get that one pic where she is in the background. There is a memorial & K wears his Dior pants to it. K has worn that black & red plaid shirt at least 2 times….. Guy Pearce’s podcast where he says "They’re still mates.” Sam Smith Concert where R’s cousin was with her during it. Marcus is hanging with Gina & she makes a video for IG of him playing the piano & you here Rob laughing in the background. Coachella #his&hers She happens to wear a snapcap…with COAL on it…..not from the movie…..but still…. She does a podcast interview….tells the interviewer about days on the set….“were long, full, pregnant. “Talks about filming the sex scene in BD2…..says "me & Rob”……wanting it to be good. Nettie was visiting the 2nd weekend of Coachella….was with them there.

She did an interview with Harper’s Bazaar (where the Chanel photo shoot took place in Feb the same day we get Rob & Cole on that same beach) She talks about being comfortable with staying home………………..which goes along with something Rob said in a video interview about what he does because of be well known in public…..he says, “We” say in a lot.

K mentions the dogs a lot….all THREE of them…..which is shared with Rob.

There is a pic that comes out in June, but it was taken back in Nov of 2014…has Rob, Sam, and K in it.

A fan took a pic of R & of K..posted them at different times…but they were there the same day…..as K took the one of R & the fan….her face is in R’s sunglasses.

While filming CS in NY, she wears R’s shoes two times.

There is a person who has painted a pic of K like two times…on one of them, Rob’s name is on the canvas with K’s pic.

While K was at PFW, R had his pic taken by like 4 different fans…..to show he too was in Paris at the very same time.

R’s guitar case once again made a trip with K….at least 2 times.

2016

K has worn R’s clothes at different times so far this year. Jeans, shirts, jackets, and his shoes.

R was photographed by Karl from Chanel for a Dior ad not once but twice.

K wore a different R sweatshirt.

4th of July….there are a few pics & videos….and on one R can be heard giggling in the back ground.

In July, K wore a blue ballcap that is R’s.

She wore Welcome to the Jungle sweatshirt the night of R’s LCOZ premiere at the NYFF.

R was at CJ’s bday party.

Both ended up with very dark hair!!!

And then there is this little nugget.....

Have been called many names or brain-washed by HKN.....uh, no. Like I said, you have the right to agree to disagree with me. And, I will not debate or argue with anyone about this in dms or out on twitter. I am firm in where I stand. It really doesn’t matter what you think of me, I am strong in what I believe and where I stand. That is because I tend to............

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amorremanet · 8 years ago

Note

2, 10, 42, 47

asks for fanfic writers

well, no. 10 and no. 42 are over here, but!

2. things that motivate you

* The stereotype that autistic spectrum people are only good for STEM-related things. Like, for all of the folks on the spectrum who are good at STEM things, that’s great and I wish them all the best — but I suck at math and I can’t do anything science-related without turning it into, “how can I make a sociopolitical sci-fi critique out of this” or, “but do gay aliens believe in me,” so nah, I’m gonna pass on doing anything STEM-y.

I’d much rather give a big middle finger to everyone who has this ridiculous notion that autistic spectrum people are completely and utterly uncreative, and that we are only ever good for STEM things, and I’d like to do it by being successful in my chosen creative pursuits, please and thank you.

* Tangentially? Temple fucking Grandin. I don’t actually have any problems with her, herself — but I have a lot of problems with how allistic people hold her up as The One True Way To Be A Successful Person Who “Suffers From” Autism™ and how about fuck that, no. I want to be a successful autistic writer who is nothing like Temple Grandin, apart from both of us being white autistic women/dfab people who are going to be identified and treated as women by other people irl regardless of any wibbly wobbly messy gender feels on our part.

* Talking with people about my projects. On one hand, it’s a way of getting feelings kind of like validation. On the other, and way more importantly for me? I love getting feedback from people, or hearing the questions they come up with — like, on NYE, my aunt and I chatted back and forth about my novel while playing a weird card game with one of my cousins, and Aunt Kelly asked some questions that got me to put a few ideas I’ve been playing with into words more concretely, which was super-helpful — and I get a lot of motivation to work from getting jazzed up about things through talking with people.

* Totally a petty thing, but? Getting cranky with JK Rowling over all of the Good Ally Cookies she doesn’t actually deserve to claim, or all of the characters of hers who Deserved Better (lol, uh. today, my therapist learned that I get Upset about Percy Weasley very easily and about my longstanding hate-on for his parents, and bless her heart, when I went, “uh, I just over-identify with Percy Weasley a lot and there’s a good deal of projection going on here but I also don’t think I’m wrong,” she kinda smiled and nodded and went, “I can tell :)” — she’s great, I love her)

or how, even ignoring all of the #Problematic things about her body of work in the Potterverse, there’s SO MUCH GOOD SHIT in the HP series but she’s so clearly invested in the plot as she envisions it and the story she wants to tell for Harry, to the exclusion of all else, that she ends up completely short-changing basically every other character who is not named Severus Snape or Hermione Granger (most of the time, but not 100% of the time)

Like, I’ve said it before and I will say it until everyone is completely sick of me saying it, then I will continue saying it anyway: JKR views all of her characters — barring Harry, and sometimes Snape and Hermione — as plot devices more than she views them as characters.

She’s a bit better about some of them (Remus, Sirius but not as much as Remus, Ron and Luna but not as much as they deserve, Neville and Draco but not in the ways that they deserve)

but she’s really bullshit about most of them (this is not a complete list, but: Cho; Ginny; Cedric; Tonks; Fleur; Albus, Aberforth, and Ariana; Voldemort — not in that I need her to be sympathetic toward him but ffs, some 101-level consistency in his characterization would be nice; Kingsley; Percy; Wormtail; James; Lily;

Lockhart — “I’m not bitter about JKR’s ableism and victim-blaming with regard to Gildylocks,” I say bitterly, with a bitter expression, while hanging up informational posters about how bitter I am; Andromeda and Ted — deserved better, this is not a question or a debate, I want to say that it’s not even an opinion, but tbh, I know that it is, so hmph; Regulus; Barty Crouch Jr. because he is my Favorite and I can’t make this list without mentioning him;

Bellatrix — again, I don’t need her to sympathize with Bellatrix because how about no? but Bellatrix Black Lestrange is one of the shittiest villains I’ve ever read, in terms of HOW she was written, and I think a lot of the flaws in how JKR wrote her could have been remedied if she actually did anything to make Bellatrix a fully realized character, which would’ve made her a more effective and meaningful villain, and not a shrieking Saturday morning cartoon caricature;

Molly and Arthur — I’m not going into full detail about why I hate them today, you lot can just go read my tag on the subject if you want to know, and I don’t think that JKR’s “plot device first, people second” method of characterization is the only problem? But I think it’s a major contributing factor to The Problem Of Molly And Arthur, because she presents them as this image of Idyllic Domestic Perfection even when their actions and the internal fabric of the Weasley Family, don’t support that claim, and it sucks)

—basically, JK Rowling motivates me by fucking up a lot, because she was one of my idols as a kid and as a teenager, and she was a relevant and immediate source of inspiration because Oh My God You Can So Too Write Novels For A Living And Make A Difference In People’s Lives, and I’m not exaggerating when I say that she saved my life a few times, albeit mostly in indirect fashions…… but she fucks up a lot, and this is motivating for me because it makes me want to do better than her.

It’s not even exclusive to HP fic, either. Like, she’s one of my biggest sources of motivation to work on my novel and put thought and love and heart into making it the best that it can be — because I want to do better than her and even if I never have her kind of money (which lol, never gonna happen), I still want to beat her at something. Once I earn it, I will happily accept beating her at artistic integrity and commitment.

Is it petty? Yes, definitely. But hey, man, fish gotta swim, dogs gotta eat, and sometimes, I gotta think about my issues with JK Rowling to remember that I need to do better than her and motivate myself to do the work

* You know those, “do it for her/him” memes based on that one thing from The Simpsons that people make with their fave characters and/or celebs? Yeah, I kind of want to make one for myself with Oscar Wilde. Because there’s a lot about him that wasn’t ever perfect (he was a white guy in Victorian England, even accounting for his Anglo-Irishness, so…… yeah), and there are several points on which I don’t agree with him (like, for example: if you are such a shit to your wife that your boyfriend, who is so completely up his own ass that it’s a miracle he hasn’t found a way to Narnia, notices and calls you out on it? I’m kinda thinking that you might want to reassess how you treat people and stop being like that, bub)

—but I also want to be a fabulous gay Slytherclaw social satirist who uses that #aesthetic and the popular tropes of the day to do my own thing and redefine outside the box, and hey, if I ever get a, “wit and wisdom of…” book published with some of my coolest quotables in it? That would be an awesome bonus.

* “Okay, but seriously: how obvious can I be that Yael and Elizabeth are a big, ‘fuck you’ to Marvel about all of their queerbaiting with Charles and Erik before I can get sued for it? Because while Yael and Elizabeth are still characters in their own right, their original inspiration was, ‘hey, what if I flipped the bird to Marvel about all of their fucking queerbaiting with Charles and Erik, and did it with extra lesbians? that’s be pretty fucking cool,’ and I don’t want to be sued, but I also don’t want for my point to be missed here”

—or more generally, “I can’t die before I finish my novel, I have a lot of people to piss off and call on their crap through the magic of the written word *makes a sparkly rainbow with my hands like Spongebob going, ‘imaginaaaaaaaation!!! :D’*”

* So, there’s this one bit in Dry, Augusten Burroughs’ memoir about the early parts of his struggle with alcoholism and addiction. In his rehab, one of their assignments for group therapy is to write letters to people in their lives and feel their feelings about these relationships. He writes to Pighead, his best friend/“it’s complicated,” who is HIV-positive.

Reading the letter at group, Augusten finds himself crying, then shares the whole tangled-up backstory that he and Pighead have together, from how they first met on a phone-sex line, to how Augusten fell hard in love with him, to how they were friends with benefits and then he told Pighead that he was in love with him and Pighead plays the, “I love you but I’m not in love with you” card (that is verbatim what he says in the book, and the way Burroughs reads it in the audiobook kills me every single time), so Augusten dates other guys and tries to fall out of love with Pighead, only for Pighead to come see him first when his HIV test comes back positive and realize that he’s In Love with Augusten only, “after he became diagnosed with a fatal disease”

—which gives us the great line, “Part of me felt deep compassion. And another part felt like, You fucker.”

(Which is seriously one of my top ten lines in all literature, ever. tbh, it’s probably top five, but the top ten list would be hard enough to come up with to begin with, and I’d have to parcel things out into Poetry, Prose [possibly split into Fiction and Nonfiction, at that], and Dramatic Writing just to get it down to ten things on each list, and? It’s just a perfect line, oh my god)

At the end of it, Augusten has a moment with Kavi, another one of the patients at his rehab, who is addicted to cocaine and sex. Kavi tells him about how he left his lover who was HIV-positive after his diagnosis, so that he wouldn’t be the person getting left for once, and about how he feels like cocaine never leaves him. And we get: “Suddenly, I want to drink.… I don’t want to drink in a jovial ‘Highballs for everybody!’ way. I want to drink to the point where I could undergo major knee surgery and not feel so much as a pinch.”

I just.

There is so much about this section of the book that fucks me up so hard, but in ways that I love so much — and there’s a lot that I love about it for a lot of reasons, but like?

Speaking entirely with my writer hat on right now?

That part is just immaculately written. Every word is perfectly chosen, and they are strung together just right. Burroughs chooses the exact right images and scenes to characterize his and Pighead’s developing relationship, and his moment with Kavi, and it’s just

This part of the book makes me remember why I write. Because I have been reading and rereading this book since high school — I have had my battered up and taped together paperback copy with the yellowing pages since Easter 2005 — and this part STILL fucks me up, every. single. time. The audiobook version of it still fucks me up every. single. time.

Back in high school when I first read it, it hit me so hard because I had a habit of falling in love with girls who were straight and/or just did not like me back (and it would get worse, because the girl I was in love with who dared me to write D*rarry just to see if I could? Would go on to put me in the position of being her Girl Friday while I got to watch her love everybody but me, and praise the creative work of everybody but me, and go on about how two of her other friends were totally brilliant and misunderstood creative geniuses because they were incomprehensible and it was totally bourgeois for me to want to write to be understood but it was okay she knows I’m ~mainstream like that, but then still call on me — which made the whole Augusten/Pighead thing hurt so much more for me because I was kind of her, “I love you, but I’m not In Love with you”)

(I will say this about that relationship: I didn’t handle it well, either. I was petty and jealous, and waaaay more damagingly? I hadn’t yet grasped the idea that you sometimes have to just let people be messed up at you about the shit they’re going though without trying to fix everything for them, especially when there’s nothing that you can actually do to fix it. In retrospect, it’s kind of hilarious that I loaned her a copy of Perks of Being A Wallflower that I never saw again, because the whole idea that you can’t just constantly put someone else’s needs before your own and call it love, and the related concept that doing this is actually kind of a form of selfishness, in a way?

………yeah, that was VERY relevant to how I handled that relationship, and she rightfully called me on a lot of shit related to those ideas, and I spent a lot of time having an unfair chip on my shoulder because I was jealous on one hand, and indignant about how her other friends got to be Real Artists™ because their shit was incomprehensible but I got to be a Poser Artist™ because I wanted to be understood and not just fap around with some neo-Dadaist nonsense — and as seen here, I still do have a chip on my shoulder about Dadaist anything, but in fairness, I’d have that with or without any of this story because Dada is the worst — and I’m not saying that I was totally pure or innocent in anything here.

But at the time, I cried a lot over Augusten/Pighead feels because I felt that whole, “I love you but I’m not in love with you” situation and trying to fall out of love with someone only to crumble when they needed you and resent them for needing you but hate yourself for resenting them — I felt all of that so hard.)

My appreciation for this part of the book has evolved and changed over time, and it’s deepened — as I’ve learned more about LGBTIQ history, I’ve come to appreciate the context of the story more and gain more of a sense of reverence for the LGBTIQ people who came before me and actually fought through the early days of the HIV/AIDS epidemic, and it has changed how I read this part of the book more than anything else (c.f., my passive-aggressive addition of the REST of the quote to one post of the, ‘deep compassion vs. you fucker’ part because I was really annoyed with a bunch of straight people who were reblogging it without the full context and acting like they actually had any idea what it’s like to be gay and in a situation like Augusten is with Pighead here) — and I just

The biggest thing about this part of the book that’s made it stick around for me? is that no matter how I’ve appreciated it at any point, and no matter which parts of it have been the most important to me at any given moment, and no matter WHY it’s fucked me up — it’s still fucked me up so hard every. singled. fucking. time…… but in a way that has always made me feel a lot less alone in the world

It’s sort of similar to something that one of my fiction profs in undergrad once said about creating characters: we were talking, in one of our biweekly one-on-ones, about a story I’d brought in with one of my more off-putting characters (his name is Emerson, he’s an abrasive little shit who does a lot of very fucked up things and was kind of influenced by the Kurt/Karofsky plot back in season two of Glee because that was happening on TV at the time and I had a lot of feelings about it that I didn’t have any other way to deal with because I didn’t want to write Glee fic about all of it. He was more similar to Karofsky than Kurt)

I was convinced that everyone would hate him (not least because he an asshole to basically all of the other characters and assaulted the guy he had a crush on while he was high). Instead, he was actually really popular and one of my classmates, who I admired because her writing was so lyrical and confident and she was a great person, said that she found herself identifying with him, especially during some of his worst moments in that draft. While I was boggling about this, Professor Lucy said that one of the reasons why Emerson went over so gangbusters in workshop was that, instead of going the route of creating a tabula rasa character like Stephenie Meyer wrote Bella Swan to be, I’d given him so many clearly defined character traits and behaviors

According to Professor Lucy, the specificity is what makes it easier for people to identify with characters and feel for them, because it makes them more fully realized. (The, “according to” is just for the sake of attribution because this is a point that I’ve taken to heart and that I do totally agree with Professor Lucy about.) And I feel that a lot with the Augusten/Pighead part of the book because it’s so specific and it’s so grounded and it’s so REAL

And that’s a huge part of why it’s always gotten to me emotionally, and why it’s stuck with me after all this time, and why it’s consistently made me feel less alone and irreparably freakishly weird

Anyway, this got way longer than I intended to get, but the ability to affect someone so deeply with your work — that’s a responsibility that I take very seriously when it comes to writing, with regard to all different aspects of how you can possibly do this with the written word — and this part of Dry is such a source of motivation for me because it’s such a great example, for me, of How To Do An Emotionally Affecting Writer Thingy Well

I use technical language like this because I am such a Serious Business Writer, oh yes I am

47. how many unfinished ideas/stories are you working on at the same time?

I usually don’t count, because it’s usually a lot and not all of them are really guaranteed to ever be properly finished, oops.

#memes for ts #mine: personal #actual about me #mine: writing #mine: asks #writing is hard #fandom shenanigans #actuallyautistic #opinions for ts #jk rowling is not a gift #about me: if i were psychic do you think i'd be writing #about me: slytherin pride #augusten burroughs #i just have a lot of feelings #alcohol cw// addiction cw//#Anonymous #asks for fanfic writers

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