#and tobias deserves his suffering

[gh0st-with-thee-m0st]

Unhinged parasocial theory incoming

I think Copia's arc is a metaphor for Tobias handling imposter syndrome after the success of Impera and rediscovering how to create music from a place of love.

You take this generally introverted genius of a man who fell into a highly specific musical niche, and you put a Grammy in his hands. It's absolutely deserved, but likely not something that any fan of the band or band member for that matter saw coming. Suddenly, Tobias Forge is faced with the idea that the world is watching and listening, and that's incredibly intimidating for any artist. Maybe he suffers from imposter syndrome. Maybe it takes time before he can write again, because he overly criticizes his work. Maybe the chapters feel more like an obligation than a project. Maybe he feels that, with his newfound success and status, he has been demoted from what he loved about being Ghost.

And then the ego death occurs.

Some event transpires that makes him understand that it's all meant to be felt and lived in the moment, and that glory is temporary but making music is something that lives forever. Rite Here Rite Now is made, and it tells us this story. Copia's upset at Perpetua may very well be a metaphor for Tobias' upset at realizing that, to be authentic, he has to give up a small part of the foundation he built Ghost upon. The mask is no longer a new identity. Tobias is Papa now and forevermore, and maybe he's still grieving what he feels he has to give up to authentically create.

I could just be writing fanfiction here, but I feel pretty strongly that what we're seeing goes deeper than fiction.

[princelysnape]

no one asked, but here's some songs that remind me of severus snape:

body by mother mother – i think i already said this, but one of my fav headcanons is that sev has intrusive thoughts about self-harming (part of an ongoing headcanon about him having ocd, it's a long story)

love to death by mother mother – severus about his feelings for lily, but also, about everyone he's ever loved. this man cannot do anything by halves. if he loves you, he'll just love you to death

everybody knows by leonard cohen – literally one of the most pessimistic and bleak songs i have ever heard, very severus snape-coded

long night by star salzman – sev is an insomniac, i think pretty much everyone knows that, so this song represents his sleepless nights

paper bag by fiona apple – for me, this song is about yearning. yearning for love, for connecting, for touch, and mainly, for understanding. severus feels perpetually misunderstood ("he said 'it's all in your head!', and i said 'so is everything!', but he didn't get it")

i want you to love me by fiona apple – yes, again. i love her, she's a genius and this song perfectly represents how sev might feel about a future lover. it's rather intense and hopeful too, which i like. this man deserves all the hope he can get, especially about love

the downtown lights by the blue nile – he's very scared of getting emotionally attached to people, so he's constantly doing stuff that completely contradicts what he actually wants to do. also, one of my headcanons is that he loves his midnight walk around hogwarts or around london, when there's no one to be seem

tear you apart by she wants revenge – remember the thing about intrusive thoughts? well, i also believe that if sev was to ever fall in love again, he would have intrusive thoughts about breaking his beloved's rib cage to hold their heart in his hand. please, hear me out. these thoughts are called intrusive for a reason, no, i don't believe he would actually want to hurt them, not at all. but he does think about it, you know? and the thoughts can sometimes get intertwined with his lustful feelings for them, which is what this song represents in my head

still loving you by scorpions – let's be real, guys. severus isn't the easiest guy to be around. he would probably screw up more than once and then would proceed to do anything to earn your forgiveness. also, this song was said to have contributed to a baby boom in france during the 80s lmao. do with this information what you will

home by aurora – very melancholic and depressive, and reminds of how at home severus is with his own sadness. comfortable, even

forgotten love by aurora – about the joys and heartaches of learning to fall in love again

personal jesus by depeche mode – he spent all his hogwarts years wishing someone would save him from his sorry circumstances. wishing for someone who would actually give a damn about him and his suffering

liability by lorde – relatively new, i know, but i love this whole album and especially this song. i think severus feels extremely lonely all the time. he feels repellent and downright dangerous to others sometimes, a liability at best

kiss with a fist by florence + the machine – eileen's entire relationship with tobias as seen by severus when he was a kid. he couldn't understand why she wouldn't just leave him and secretly believed she enjoyed this situation

punchin' bag by cage the elephant – still on this theme, this is how severus wished eileen had reacted to her abuse

what i lost by cowboy junkies – sometimes he gets so bored and tired of his day to day life, he starts disassociating. he can go entire days doing everything on automatic mode without anyone noticing anything's amiss. oh, and also, did i ever tell y'all about my headcanon that severus hallucinates about lily during his depressive episodes? yeah. she never says anything, just stands there looking at him

venus in furs by the velvet underground – literally the horniest song known to mankind, i don't know what to tell y'all. i totally believe that if severus' sexuality wasn't stunted during his teenage years, he would be a kinky bastard. possibly pending to submission in bed. also, fun fact, this song was inspired by a book of the same name and one of the characters is literally called "severin" lol, who is so in love with a woman, he asks to be her slave and for her to treat him in progressively degrading ways. she doesn't like this very much though, so not very safe or sane, i'll admit. take it with a grain of salt. thought you would like to know that

the man who sold the world (cover) [live] by nirvana – his first encounter face to face with the dark lord, during the time he was being groomed into joining the death eaters, need i say more?

[whisperingthorns]

Watching. Waiting. Wanting.

Chapter 5: (Charmed by shadows)

Yandere Ticci Toby x Reader

Through the sliding glass door of your balcony, Toby sat in your white chair, having it face your bed directly. His clothes were fresh with blood and he ran his thumb down his blood-stained hatchet blade. His yellow goggles shined against the moonlight. He kept his mouth guard up. He didn’t feel like himself today.

Toby wore the gear for a reason. See, he didn’t have an alter like Masky and Hoodie. Something Tim and Brian had that could separate the humanity between the two. Tim could forget what Masky had done despite the guilt. Brain could pretend he was just that: Brian without acknowledging what Hoodie does. Toby had nothing. He had nothing but a mouthguard and goggles to hide his face when he was killed. To show the person he became. It was his way of separating himself from Toby and the killer. Though as much as he liked to pretend: He did those things. He didn’t have an alter that did the faceless man's bidding. He was just Tobias. A ruthless killer, sometimes he felt like the same scared kid.

Who was to tell one from the other? Was Toby still a good person? Surely not. He didn’t *want* to kill but really what other choice did he have? He made a choice. Serve or die. He chose the first. He’d just have to live with it. He looked at you through the window, watching you roll over so he couldn’t view your beautiful sleeping face. Was he tainting you? The question bugged him. Was he just ruining another thing with his hands? He looked at them, gloved and blood-stained. He just wanted to protect you.

‘But that’s not true, is it Toby?’ The voice in my head whispered. ‘You just want something from yourself for once. That’s not wrong, is it? You can maybe be selfish just this once.’ That was true. Maybe he could. He deserved it right? He deserved you. His little prize for suffering so much. Right?

He looked below again. He had figured out how to get up to your balcony from the ground floor. He thought maybe he should fix it but with such ease of access to you, it was hard to resist just leaving it there. You had no idea the dangers that was around you. Clearly. Since he got up to balcony so easily.

You stirred again. He wondered what you were dreaming about. You didn’t usually move this much in your sleep. Were you dreaming about him? His face went red at the thought. Yeah? Maybe you were dreaming about him. Dreaming about him bending you down and-

He opened the sliding glass door. His feet shuffling forward. He just wanted to be closer.

⦻

(Y/n) shot up, breathing heavily, eyes wide in a cold sweat. She could have sworn…no. It had to have been her imagination right?! RIGHT?!

(Y/n) was between awake and asleep when she heard it, the sliding of her glass door opening, the shuffle of footsteps. When she half opened an eye she saw a silhouette, sadly outlined against the pale moonlight. Something glinting on its face. When she shot up her balcony was open, but no one was there. She stood, running to her drawers and grabbing her knife before making her way slowly there, peeking out and looking around.

Nobody. Wait was that chair moved? She blinked.

No, she very well could have moved it herself. She was still trying to calm her heart. Putting a hand over it and sighing, leaning against the glass. God. Maybe she imagined it. Her mind wasn’t fully awake and was making up pictures. But how did door get open? She inspected it. Definitely couldn’t have opened on its right. Maybe she left it open…yeah she thinks she remembers it being left open to let the cool night air in while she played video games. She just forgot about it.

That’s all! Something tugged at her mind. Almost like she was lying to herself. But she wasn’t! Was she? She looked over the balcony, towards the ground. Her heart stopped. Was that? A dark outline by a tree. She watched it in horror. It twitched. No. No fucking way. She leaned forward. ‘That….that was just a tree’ She told herself. The wind is swaying it. It’s not a person. Go inside and lock your door (Y/N).

She closed the door tight, and just to soothe her paranoia she went into her hall closet and grabbed an old shower rod, she put it against the sliding mechanism. There. She headed back to bed, it took her a minute, but eventually she did fall asleep, gripping the knife as he arm hung off the side of the bed.

Outside, Toby leaned against the tree, his body tense. That was sloppy. That was too close. Right as he saw your eyes shoot open he dipped by your wall, out of sight, as he heard your rapid breathing he resisted the urge to try and comfort you and instead took the time to leap over the railing and grip onto a ledge by your wall before scaling his way down and running off. By the time you came out to check he was about to run off into the woods, but couldn’t resist to urge to see how cute your frightened face was. He breathed a sigh of relief. His Angel was oblivious but she wasn't stupid. He’d have to be careful. She was catching on to his little tricks

⦻

Heavy breathing. Again and again. He will return here. He sat By your sleeping form this time. Perched on the edge of the bed while he tucked some hair behind your ear, his fingers trembling slightly. He cups your face very gently as if you were made of glass. He watched you for a long moment, admiring the softness of your skin against the roughness of his leather glove. Then, quietly, carefully, he undid the strap and peeled it off. His breath hitched as he placed his bare hand on your face, feeling the warmth of your skin for the first time.

…

His target would be at their meeting place now. It was time to go. He quietly stood, tucking you in further. He stepped over the pile of mess in your room. You weren’t being as organized as he was used to. Maybe something was bothering you. He should text you tomorrow. Yeah! That’s a good idea! Maybe he would clean your room for you. Keep a couple….memories in the process.

He closed your bedroom door silently and made his way downstairs, careful not to disturb you.

Later, as Toby stood over his latest kill, slicing the body with practiced precision, he caught a glimpse of his blood-soaked hand. His stomach dropped.

The glove wasn’t there.

He frantically patted his pockets. Empty. He froze, dread flooding his veins.

He had left it on your bed.

⦻

(Y/n) stared at the glove, rubbing the leather between her fingers nervously and fighting the urge to be sick. Her mind reeled. She couldn’t lie to herself anymore. She didn’t own any fingerless leather gloves. She let out a shaky breath, tears stinging the corner of her eyes. Someone was stalking her. They were getting into the house. They were doing who knows *what* to her while she slept. Her hands trembled as she tore off her pajama shirt, scanning her body for any signs of harm. Marks. Bruises. Anything.

Nothing.

The relief was short-lived. The panic set in again. *What else had they done while she slept?*

No. Let’s not think that way. Don’t go there. What should she do? Should she go to the police? What would she even say?

‘Hey officer, a guy is breaking into my house at night. He doesn’t steal anything I just see him standing there. Watching me. In my balcony doorway. How does he get to the balcony? Gosh, man I dunno! He’s Spider-Man! Do I have any proof?! OH GOSH, NO OFFICER I DONT HAVE ANY FUCKING PROOF. JUST THIS FUCKING GLOVE I CAN’T PROVE IS MINE!!!!’

She could already hear how ridiculous it sounded.

(Y/n) felt like she was losing it. Maybe she was. She stared at the glove and placed it on her desk, running her hands through her hair. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Who to call? Who to call?

Her phone buzzed, yanking her from the spiral of panic. She snatched it up, her heart pounding. *Brook? Maybe she can help…*

No. It was Toby.

Toby: Wanna meet by the bench today? I could use some company. :)

(Y/n) Sure! Let me just gather myself I’ll be over.

Toby: Sure :)

Maybe a trip to the bench is exactly what she needed. A little downtime, maybe clear her head. Toby wasn’t too bad of company either. It was her favorite spot after all.

⦻

(Y/n) arrived at the bench and saw Toby waiting for her. The dark circles under his eyes were more prominent. “H-hey.” He waved weakly.

“Oh, Toby. . . no offense but you don’t look too good. Have you been eating okay? Sleeping?” (Y/n) asked, her brows furrowed with concern.

Toby’s smile faltered, and he avoided eye contact. She noticed he always did this when he didn’t want to talk about something. “Y-yeah, I just… I h-have insomnia.” His voice was low.

“Oh…is there anything I can do for you?”

*‘Come to bed with me.‘ his thoughts whispered.*

“N-no. I don’t think so. Nice of you to offer though.” His eyes softened as he took in her tired expression. “You l-look bad yourself… I mean, not that you look bad, but—”

(Y/n) cracked a small smile. “No, I get it. You’re saying I look ugly.”

“N-NO! That’s not what I-“

(Y/n) started laughing. Toby felt embarrassment rise in his chest and he hid in face in his hands and groaned. “S-sorry.” Was all he muffled?

“It’s okay Toby I know you didn’t mean it in that way.” Toby kept his face in his hands and inhaled deeply.

He peeked at her through his fingers, relieved but still embarrassed. She smiled at him, though her tired eyes gave away her exhaustion. She looked sad too.

“Toby?”

“Yes?”

“Can I ask you something and you have to like, promise you won’t make fun of me.”

Toby shook his head. “Of course, I wouldn’t m-make fun of y-you, (Y/n).”

(Y/n) nodded, wringing her hands together. “You ever feel like…somebody is watching you? Like…constantly?” Her voice trembled slightly, her eyes darting away s if afraid to meet his gaze.

Toby’s stomach flips with excitement, though he keeps his face neutral. “W-what do you mean?” he asks, doing his best to sound confused but supportive.

(Y/n) hesitated. Considering. She didn’t want to sound crazy, but if something happened to her, at least Toby would know. Or he could dismiss it, making her feel even more isolated. “I could be paranoid, but… I swear I saw someone on my balcony the other night. And things keep going missing around my house. I don’t know, maybe I’m just losing track of stuff, but…” She trailed off, her anxiety written all over her face. “It’s just that like, I swore I saw somebody on my balcony the other day. Like, things are going….missing? In my house. I don’t know, I was half asleep when I saw the person! I could always misplace things and I was brushing it off as stress but like….” She trailed off for a minute.

(Y/n) dug in her pocket and pulled out a black leather fabric. Toby’s eyes widened slightly. His heart skipped a beat. Shit shit shit shit.

(Y/n) stared at him, her hands shaking as she held up the glove. “I found it on my bed. I don’t own gloves like this, Toby.”

Her eyes pleaded for an explanation, a reason, anything to soothe the growing fear inside her. Poor thing. She looked so vulnerable, so desperate. Toby’s heart raced with excitement.

He could just eat you right up.

Toby forced a smile. “I-I’m sure it’s n-nothing, but… if you ever f-feel unsafe, you can always c-call me.” His voice lowers slightly, his eyes flickering with a possessive glint. “I’ll keep you safe.”

(Y/n) felt a huge wave of relief wash over her. “You mean it? Really?” She threw her arms around him, giving him a tight hug and Toby thought he could die happy right on the spot. “C-course.” She wouldn’t let go. “If I would have told Brook or Kai or even Moon they would’ve just called me paranoid and moved on. I’m so glad you at least take me seriously when I say I’m scared.” She mumbled into his shoulder. She relaxed against him and Toby slowly curled his arms around her, tight. Almost too tight. He inhaled her scent, feeling like he was in one of his dreams like before. The princess was thanking him for protecting her.

She finally drew away and Toby had to resist the urge to yank her back. Fine. You can pull away and have your space for now.

But once I get my hands on you, princess. It’s fucking over. You’ll never be rid of me. Even if you plead and cry and beg.

Toby will continue his watches. Can’t let you go unprotected of course. Maybe he’ll be more careful about scaring you. He looked over your dark circles. Angels need their proper sleep after all. Or maybe he wouldn’t.

He could….let you know for sure that he was there. Protecting you. Watching you. Maybe you’d behave better. Stop talking to Kai and the others. Know your place.

Toby quite liked that idea.

⦻

Today was quiet. That was good. Probably cause it had been storming non stop that day. She had invited Brook over for some pizza. Mostly because she just wanted to feel normal for a bit.

“Then when I suggested SHE handle the customer she raised her voice at me”

“Nu ah.”

“Yes, girl. I’m serious. I just stared at her. Like 100-yard stare cause who does she even think she’s talking to?!”

“My anger problems couldn’t.”

“Girl mine couldn’t either! That’s why I have gum during work. Just gnaw on that before I go off. Nobody even likes her I don’t know what she’s accomplishing acting that way because she’s not a team player, and it’s certainly not promotion material.”

Brook was going off about her recent work issues. Some girl going on a power trip despite being the same rank as her. (Y/n) was only half listening. She was messing with the design on her nails, a calming distraction from the previous events. Something to keep her from telling Brook. She didn’t wanna feel invalidated from her fear. She was scared Brook would reason that glove was hers and she would let her guard down.

When it came time for Brook to leave though, (Y/N) had to stop herself from asking her to stay. After all she didn’t wanna be left all alone again. But what will she look like?

“Wah Brook stay! I’m scared a stalker who I may or may not even have is gonna get me! How do I know? Oh well I found a glove that’s not mine and blah blah blah”

It wasn’t until Brook left, and (Y/n) headed upstairs did she realize that every feeling she had was justified, and that gaslighting herself was gonna get her no where.

Just as she sat down, her eyes flickered to a piece of paper she didn’t remember placing on her desk. It was a small slip, folded neatly in half. A slight frown tugged at her lips. Maybe it was a note she’d written for herself earlier and forgotten about? She picked it up, feeling the cool surface of the paper between her fingers.

As she unfolded it, the words jumped out at her in messy, scribbled handwriting.

You’re safe now.

‘Let’s not jump to conclusions!’ Said the annoying self-preservation voice in her head. Maybe Brook left it. Maybe she could tell and just wanting to be comforting. Maybe she’s just looking at it all wrong.

Something was off. Her instincts knew this much. She didn’t recognize the* handwriting. It wasn’t messy enough to be Kai’s rushed scribble. Not…dainty enough to be Brooks. Nor was it familiar enough to be anyone else she knew. She placed the note down on her desk and stared at it for a moment longer, chewing her lip.

‘Oh, so you’re just the handwriting analyst now? Chill.’ She controlled her breathing. Shut up (Y/n) you’re freaking out for no reason.

Something told (Y/n) she’d be the first to die in a horror movie.

The crickets chirped as (Y/n) got up from the bed. She was shaking and dizzy. The night terrors due to stress were not something her body was agreeing with at all. She wanted to cry. She just wanted to rest and sleep and stop her subconscious from showing her horrifying images of her friends dead and sprawled across her living room. Something in the dream kept telling her to look out the window, but she was terrified to do so. She knew whatever was out there wanted her for something. Something horrible.

So she was grateful when the waking hours came and her body finally got up, ready to come back to reality where all her friends were alive. Even so. Something still felt off. That same nagging feeling of “looking out the window” was still in her head. But she didn’t want to. Afraid she was in another dream where she’d see some skinless flesh suit breaking in. She looked anyway.

Ready for whatever creature was supposed to be grinning back at her. Nothing was. Of course, her dream wasn’t real. Only the heavy curtains to her balcony door were there. Covering the moonlight trying to seep through. Then why did she feel so off?

“Duh dummy, you had a bad dream” she whispered to herself. Then she thought of her mom. How whenever she had a bad dream she’d stay up with her and talk about it over tea. Sometimes she’d have her write it down all on paper and burn it. That was supposed to make them go away. It worked as a kid. She blinked tiredly and paused.

Creak.

Soft, deliberate. Like the weight of a footstep pressing into the floor.

(Y/n) froze, her heart pounding. It came from the other room. The living room? Or maybe the kitchen? She squeezed her eyes shut. You’re imagining things. The apartment settles at night. Its nothing. But sleep refused to claim her again.

She laid down and went completely still, heart pounding. Then. She allowed her mind to truly think. Maybe she was being robbed. She thought about how they must have gotten in. She cursed herself for leaving her phone in another room. She had wanted to ‘screen detox’ before bed and now she was cursing herself out for it.

Minutes passed before she gathered the courage to move. Sliding out from under the covers, she tiptoed to her bedroom door, peeking out cautiously. Shadows stretched across the hallway, unmoving. Everything seemed normal. No signs of forced entry. No reason to feel like someone had been standing over her just moments ago.

But when she reached the kitchen, her blood ran cold.

Her phone sat on the table, screen glowing in the dim light. Open to her notes app. A single sentence stared back at her, typed out in stark, unfeeling letters:

I’m always watching out for you.

A shudder wracked her body. Her phone was nearly dead 1% battery, the charging cable lying uselessly on the floor beside the counter.

She knew she had not left it like that.

Her fingers trembled as she snatched the device, backing away instinctively, eyes flicking to every dark corner of the room. Was someone here? Had they been in her apartment?

The walls felt too close. The silence was too heavy.

And somewhere, just beyond the veil of night, she swore she heard the faintest sound of a chuckle.

But the sound didn’t happen again. Her breathing started. She started to feel dizzy. She started to frantically open the device, swiping past screens to get to her contacts.

Just as it started dialing Brook it died. The low battery image appears on the screen.

With that (Y/N) let out a high scream. Her panic attack fully set in.

She couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t move.

Can’t breathe.

Can’t move.

Can’t breathe.

Can’t move.

Can’t breathe. Can’t move. Can’t see. Can’t speak. Can’t call. Can’t scream. Can’t feel it. Can’t-

(Y/n) began to sink to the floor and sob uncontrollably. Shaking hands plugging the phone back in, waiting for it to turn back on. But with that, she lay on the floor. Phone still dead and waiting for whoever was fucking with her to come and kill her already. Like a sitting duck. Just waiting to die.

But no knife-wielding slashers came. No insane man crawled through her window. And no mystery creature came to rip her open.

The sun rose and (Y/N) realized they had made it through the night. She had fallen asleep on the floor and her phone dinged.

The battery is significantly charged.

100%

…

How long had she been out?

With shaky hands, she went to her contacts and dialed Brook.

“Hey, honey!”

“I need you.”

“…”

“Please.”

“I’ll be right over.”

Click

(Y/n) curled back into a ball. She just had to wait for the rescue. Rescue from what? She doesn’t know. But whether Brook thought she was insane or embarrassed she didn’t know anymore. She didn’t care. This was bigger than her pride.

Toby hadn’t moved all night.

He watched her crumble. He saw her scream. He saw her drop to the floor like a wounded animal.

And he waited.

He waited for her to crawl to the phone and call him. Beg him to come over. To hold her. To protect her. To make her feel safe again.

But morning came. And the call never did.

Instead, she called Brook.

Brook.

That shallow, self-absorbed, second-string bitch who didn’t even believe her the last time she mentioned feeling watched.

Toby’s jaw clenched so hard it popped. His fingers twitched against the bark of the tree, nails tearing into the wood. A low, animal noise rattled in his throat.

He had done everything right. The glove. The notes. The sound of footsteps in the dark. The message on her phone. The fucking silence afterward.

He gave her terror. The kind only someone who cares could give. That was love.

But no — she runs to her little friend group. Back to them. The same people who don’t even notice her falling apart. The same people who don’t deserve her.

“She’s scared,” Toby muttered, breath hitching. “She’s scared, and she still doesn’t get it.”

His head twitched, one shoulder jerking as if something inside him short-circuited. “She’s playing hard to get.”

That’s it. She wanted him to work for it. Make her feel special. She’s just shy. Girls like her didn’t know how to ask for what they wanted.

And what she wanted—what she needed—was someone like him.

Someone to take control.

He laughed. Bitter and sharp.

“Don’t worry, Princess,” he whispered to the wind. “You don’t have to pretend anymore. I’ll come get you soon. Then you won’t need them. You’ll never need anyone else again.”

His voice dropped low, barely audible, almost tender.

“You’re mine, after all. You just don’t remember yet.”

[dan-the-womans-blog]

Hello!!! Are you okay? I hope so.

I don't really have any requirements, and don't worry about smut, if you don't like writing about it I won't ask for things like that.

My only requirements are MLM and the reader uses masculine pronouns.

You can do a fluffy/comfort story about the reader helping Spencer get over what happened in season 2, episode 14/15 (Tobias Hankel case)

You know, when people who are addicted to drugs stop taking them, they go through a series of withdrawal symptoms.

So it could be something with the medical reader, who helps Spencer with the dilaudid and nightmares. But don't limit yourself, be creative and feel free to add whatever you want.

Thank you in advance, and kisses from Brazil! 💞

Title: Safe Haven

(Spencer Reid x Male!Reader)

I hope you like it, I'm sorry it took so long, I was trying to get it right, it is in fact a male reader, but since it's written in a second person pov it could be read as a gender neutral. Thank you so much 💕💕

---

The first time you saw him, really saw him, was in the dim light of his apartment at three in the morning. Shadows stretched long across the walls, the soft hum of the city outside barely audible over the harsh, uneven breaths escaping Spencer’s lips. His fingers trembled violently as he reached for a glass of water, the effort alone seeming monumental.

Before the glass could slip from his grasp, you moved, steadying it with your own hand.

"Hey, hey, I got it," you murmured, voice soft, careful, like anything louder might shatter the fragile moment.

Spencer barely looked at you, his eyes unfocused, pupils wide in the low light. His skin was pallid, slick with sweat, and his curls stuck damply to his forehead. He looked awful—drained, exhausted, barely clinging to control—but it wasn’t his appearance that made your chest ache. It was the way he looked at you like he expected you to leave. Like he expected you to see him like this and walk away.

"You should go," he rasped, voice rough from dehydration and the weight of unspoken words. "I don’t want you to see me like this."

"You don’t get to decide that," you replied, your tone gentle but firm. You guided the glass to his lips, coaxing him to take a sip before setting it down. "I’m staying, Spencer. You don’t have to do this alone."

His jaw clenched, and for a long moment, he didn’t speak. You could see the war behind his eyes, the part of him that wanted to argue, to push you away, to convince himself that he deserved to suffer through this alone. But you weren’t going to let that happen.

When Spencer had finally admitted his addiction to you two days ago, he had done it with his head bowed, hands curled into fists like he was bracing for impact. "I was using dilaudid," he had confessed, his voice barely above a whisper, as if saying it aloud would somehow make it worse.

You hadn’t reacted with anger or disappointment. You had simply reached out, laced your fingers with his, and said, "Then we’ll get through this together."

Now, sitting beside him as he shivered despite the blanket wrapped around his shoulders, you knew that promise wasn’t an easy one to keep. Withdrawal wasn’t just painful—it was merciless. His muscles twitched involuntarily, waves of nausea wracked his body, and his mind waged war against him, replaying his worst memories on an endless loop.

His breathing hitched suddenly, and his fingers dug into his knees.

"It—it hurts," he admitted, his voice breaking on the words.

You reached out, running slow, soothing circles along his back. "I know," you murmured. "I know, Spence."

The nights were always the worst. The fevers, the aches, the phantom sensation of the drug calling to him—it all built up until exhaustion finally took over. But sleep wasn’t an escape. It was a battlefield.

And you knew the second the nightmare took hold.

Spencer tensed against you, his breath coming in quick, shallow gasps. His fingers twitched, gripping at nothing, and then a low, panicked noise escaped his throat.

You didn’t hesitate.

"Spencer," you said, pressing a steady hand to his shoulder. "Wake up. You’re safe."

His eyes snapped open, wild with terror, and for a split second, he wasn’t here with you. He was back in that cold, dark place, tied to a chair, pain and fear swallowing him whole.

But then his gaze met yours, and recognition flickered back into his expression. His breathing remained ragged, but his grip found you—fingers curling desperately into your sleeve, grounding himself in reality.

You didn’t ask what he had seen. You knew.

Instead, you shifted closer, wrapping your arms around him, anchoring him to the present. "It’s okay," you murmured against his hair, holding him as tightly as you could. "You’re here. You’re safe."

His whole body shuddered against yours, the weight of it all pressing into you. His fingers curled into your shirt like a lifeline. "I hate this," he admitted, voice barely above a whisper.

"I know," you whispered back. "But you don’t have to go through it alone."

For a long time, neither of you moved. You simply held him, letting your warmth seep into his trembling frame, letting the moment stretch between you in quiet reassurance.

The road to healing wouldn’t be easy. There would be more sleepless nights, more pain, more battles to fight. But as long as he would let you, you would be here.

Because he wasn’t alone.

And he never would be again.

[bwat5-blog]

All I See Is Family: Arcane Oneshot

Non-Cannon Compliant: Jinx/Isha alive, one year after the war

The Kiramman home was alight with activity. Tobias was setting up his jukebox with all of Vi's favorite songs, while porters scurried to and fro, stacking the gifts Caitlyn had been hiding for weeks on the long table. Ekko stood on a high ladder, putting the finishing touches on the mural he had been secretly working on for weeks. Jinx and Isha were leaping about, streaming banners, ribbons, and "HAPPY BIRTHDAY VI!" signs on almost every available surface. Meanwhile, Caitlyn checked over the food, unable to stop herself from smiling at the scene.

"Violet is going to be so surprised!" she exclaimed, a little louder than she intended, blushing.

"You got that right, fancy-pants. We never had parties like this as kids, that's for sure. Hey, Isha! No, don't string banners on ladders with people on them!"

Jinx turned to her adopted daughter just in time to catch Isha in the act of something that could have ended badly for Ekko. Caitlyn laughed as Ekko scowled and continued his work. She walked over to the warm table keeping the food hot.

"Jinx, can you try this soup? Vi described it as a favorite from when you were kids, so I hope we got it right."

Jinx strode over and sampled some, looking downright pensive.

"It's perfect, Caitlyn," she said so sincerely that Caitlyn actually blushed in shock but nodded, smiling.

The preparations continued at a breakneck pace, as Vi would be done with physical therapy in less than an hour, and it was only a short walk back to the estate.

"Hey, fancy-pants, it's our first time here. Where's the restroom?" Jinx called.

Caitlyn rolled her eyes. "You can use mine. Hang a right from here, then three doors down. Just don't go snooping in Vi and my room."

"I wouldn't dare!" Jinx grinned and took off, making Caitlyn groan as Isha signed to her, "She's going to empty every drawer."

Caitlyn continued happily, picking up and getting everything just right when she realized it had been a while, and Jinx hadn’t returned.

"Please don't be rearranging our closet by smell or something," Caitlyn muttered as she stepped out quickly. But as she walked down the hall, she heard... crying?

She entered the bedroom and walked over to the bathroom door, knocking. "Jinx... is everything okay?" The only answer was a deep sob. She slowly pushed the door open.

Jinx was sitting with her knees to her chest, her head down, sobbing and curled up tight in a corner. Her eyes darted up to the large mirror.

"Jinx, what's wrong?" Caitlyn asked softly, walking over and kneeling down. But the younger woman pulled away slightly.

"I don't deserve to be here..." Jinx whispered so quietly that Caitlyn almost couldn’t hear through her broken crying.

"Why would you say that?" Caitlyn asked gently, reaching out and relieved when Jinx allowed her to place a hand on her knee.

"I know you haven’t forgotten what I did here... How could you? I’m a monster," Jinx cried, shame and pain bleeding into her ragged voice.

Caitlyn sighed, looking up at the mirror. It had once been a horrific reminder for her. After the events with Jinx, she hadn’t been able to shower alone for the longest time, and if the mirror fogged up too much, it could send her into a panic attack. But now she understood more. She knew how grief, anger, and pain could twist someone—especially someone as young as Jinx had been when Silco got his hooks into her. Caitlyn scooted slightly closer, rubbing small circles on Jinx's back.

"What you did… it hurt me. I’m not going to lie; pretending otherwise would just make things worse between us. But Jinx... It took me losing myself to my own grief, pain, and hate to realize how much pain you were in during those dark times. They were your decisions, it’s true, but my god, you were so young and had suffered so much. All for the crime of being vulnerable in a world where the powerful didn’t care like they should have. When you took me, it took time, separation, and healing for me to understand. Yes, you made those choices, but you were also manipulated by people who convinced you they could be trusted. They made you think I was going to take your sister away from you again. I can’t imagine how scary that must have been for you."

Jinx looked at her with wide, tear-filled eyes before lunging forward and hugging Caitlyn so tightly she could hardly breathe.

"Your mom, I—"

Caitlyn shook her head, holding her close. "You struck at a building, Jinx, not a person. And although I will always miss and love my mother, you attacked a place that had only ever caused you pain. It was a moment when you were drowning in grief as the third father figure in your life died. Regardless of what kind of man he was, I know that hurt you. But look at all you’ve done since. Raising Isha, saving me in the commune back then, fighting against Ambessa and Viktor… You’re a hero, Jinx. And you’re my little sister."

Jinx looked up at her in awe but with a small smile. "How can you be so nice?"

Caitlyn smirked, unable to suppress a chuckle. "Despite her crusty exterior, your sister is the most loving person in Runeterra. I think she’s rubbed off on me."

They both laughed and helped each other up. Caitlyn placed her hands supportively on Jinx’s slight shoulders and turned them both to face the mirror.

"Nothing to be afraid of anymore," Caitlyn said. "All I see here is family."

[moonlightdancer26]

(Yes I'm sending another ask) I heard someone say that the Malfoys were the best parents, what are your thoughts on this? And could you make a rank from the best parents to the worst?

I know you sent me this ask like last year but I finally have the energy to post more consistently. I’m always so late when answering your asks so I’m really sorry 😭

anyway:

The Weasleys. This might be unpopular but it’s true, y’all love to talk about how horrible and flawed Arthur and Molly were as parents but they were good, honest people who had realistic flaws that make them human. Molly had her moments, definitely more than Arthur, but she still tried her best and loved her children. People love to say “The Malfoys were actually a better family than the Weasleys” as if it’s some mind blowing hot take, but there was nothing Lucius and Cissy would do for their kid that Arthur and Molly wouldn’t. AND, Arthur and Molly managed to raise great successful kids without brainwashing them with pureblood ideologies.

Lucius and Narcissa. They may have brainwashed their kid but they thought it was for the best, they’re not good people by any means but they would never purposefully harm Draco. It’s how they were raised and how they intended to raise their child. They literally were running around in the midst of a battle WANDLESS because they were worried sick about Draco, and Narcissa lied to Voldemort’s face after Harry assured her that Draco was safe. Despite all of them being crappy people, their one redeeming quality is their familial love, and it never fails to annoy me whenever anyone tries to disregard that.

Amos Diggory and Mrs Diggory. Both of them deserve many bonus points for raising a man as incredible as Cedric. Amos was insanely proud of his son and never failed to show it, though that unfortunately included putting Harry down and saying crappy things to him in order to uplift Cedric. Honestly, it’s not the most unforgivable thing in the world, and I think it makes his grief at the end of GoF even sadder. As for Mrs. Diggory, we don’t really know anything about her, but she was very nice to Harry and calmed Amos down when he was mad at Harry so there’s a bonus point for that.

Xenophilius Lovegood. He filled his daughter’s brain with all his nonsensical conspiracies, but those were his true beliefs and Luna endorsed it, so no harm done ig. He was also willing to betray Harry for Luna’s safety, as any father would’ve done.

Frank and Alice = James and Lily = Mr and Mrs Granger = Andromeda and Ted = Pandora Lovegood. We simply don’t know any information about them as parents.

Remus and Dora. Remus was extremely irresponsible before Teddy was born, but after that he was alright and was described as being happier than ever. I’m sure he and Dora would’ve been great parents if they lived to raise Teddy. I’ve seen people hate on them for fighting in the battle and claiming they “should’ve stayed home,” but Dora and Remus were both Order members long before they got together, and they understood the risk. They died fighting for the right cause and that’s all that matters.

Vernon and Petunia. They loved Dudley more than anything but they spoiled him so much to the point of blatant mistreatment.

Barty Crouch Sr. and Mrs Crouch. Barty Sr. may have loved his son and obeyed his wife’s dying wish to sneak Barty out of Azkaban, but he was still a negligent father. As for Mrs Crouch, we don’t know much about her, she didn’t seem negligent at all and was sobbing at Barty’s trial. She also ended up taking his place in Azkaban and spending her last months suffering and dying alone for Barty’s sake, so it’s safe to say she was definitely a better parent than Barty Sr.

Orion and Walburga. No explanation needed. Orion was only mentioned to be a pureblood supremacist, but Sirius never spoke badly about him despite running away from his home, so I doubt he was anywhere near as awful as Walburga, even if he wasn’t that great.

Tobias and Eileen. No explanation needed. I’m putting them below Orion and Walburga because Walburga’s abuse was heavily implied, while Tobias’s abuse was straight up shown to us in a scene. Eileen seemed at worst negligent, there was no implication of any verbal or physical abuse on her part. I doubt she was great but Snape definitely preferred her over his dad.

[I have absolutely no clue where to put Tom Riddle Sr. and Merope on the list, so I’ll leave them out]

[iaketpauet]

A guide to Robin Finck in Guns n' Roses for people who can't stand Axl Rose

I've spent months reading, watching and listening to all things regarding Robin's time in Guns so you don't have to.

*extremely long post*

L to R: Chris Pitman, Bryan "Brain" Mantia, Robin Finck, Tommy Stinson, Dizzy Reed, Richard Fortus and Ron "Bumblefoot" Thal. At Download Festival, June 11, 2006.

From Cirque to Guns

In the beginning of 1997 Cirque du Soleil was touring Los Angeles and Axl Rose went to see the show. Matt Sorum (GnR's drummer until then) pointed out to Axl that 'Robin from Nine Inch Nails' was playing the guitar.

"I told Axl to see him and he said, 'That's our guitar player,' I said, 'Bring in Robin to play alongside Slash', but Axl said, 'I want him to play lead.'" - Matt Sorum, 1999.

Robin got a call from Axl and then he started to jam with the band (already without Slash) every Monday, his day off (circus' dark day). In April, Chris Vrenna also joined for a few sessions before he split to focus on his Tweaker project, and Robin brought Billy Howerdel (former guitar technician for NIN) to help him program his sounds, but wound up staying for two and a half years with them.

In June, Robin quit the circus and joined the band.

2 years contract (August 1997 to August 1999)

Over the year of 1998, the band took shape, consisting of Robin and Paul Huge Tobias on the guitar, Tommy Stinson on bass guitar, Dizzy Reed on keys and percussion, Josh Freese on drums and Chris Pitman helping them with writing and engineering. Although Axl was contributing with ideas, he wasn't laying many vocal tracks at that time, as he was allegedly suffering with writer's block.

They wrote at least half of the Chinese Democracy album along with other still unreleased songs and many instrumentals in this period, including parts/ideas Robin had previously come up with during his circus days. Some sources had said they were working on 35 tracks.

Robin and Josh Freese in 1998 (from Josh's Instagram)

They also re-recorded Appetite for Destruction, which was never released but a segment of Sweet Child o'Mine was included in the closing credits of 1999's Big Daddy movie. Axl's intention was to use the entire song, but Slash and Duff didn't allow it, so they made a hybrid of the old version with their new one. You can listen to their segment starting at 2'58, with the second part of the main solo and the last one played by Robin:

It was rumored that Robin recorded an uncredited overdub of backing vocals for the track Mr. Brownstone in the Live Era '87-'93 compilation album. You can listen to it below, around 1'25 min.

Just in time for NIN's Fragility tour v1.0, his contract came to an end in August and soon he went to Bahamas with Nine Inch Nails to begin with their tour rehearsals.

Atlas Shrugged

"I have respect for Axl Rose, I wish him all the success that he deserves and if his album sounds a little industrial, I will take it like a compliment... On the other hand, when we played MTV awards, he made pass a press release announcing that it would cut of his disc all the parts of guitars played by Robin Finck and I find that a little ridiculous, it is a whim of star." - Trent Reznor, 1999.

"And they just said, 'Come over and do some stuff.' It's a long story to be honest and I won't bore you with all the details, but Axl was feeling that he was in a difficult place because the guitarist that he'd been working with on this new album had sort of replaced Slash, because they fell out, sadly. [...] The guitarist that had done most of the tracks had departed and Axl had a real emotional attachment to what he'd done, and yet he didn't want him on the album - and I hope I'm not saying too much here - he didn't really want him to stay on the album because he'd disappeared, you know - so he's feeling a kind of divided loyalty and he said: 'Brian, can you come and do stuff which I WILL LIKE, (laughing) and I won't feel too bad about ditching this other stuff?'" - Brian May, 2000.

While Axl was trying to cut Robin's work out of Chinese Democracy, hiring high-profile guitarists such as Dave Navarro and Brian May to lay guitar tracks, he started recording vocals for some of the songs, like HardSchool (now Hard Skool), Catcher in The Rye and The Blues (now Street of Dreams). Among them, the still unreleased Atlas Shrugged has lyrics which are allegedly about Robin.

An excerpt from Atlas Shrugged lyrics.

Whether it's about him or not, the lyrics go along with feelings of "following his heart" Robin expressed through interviews from that time.

"It was a difficult decision to make because I was so wrapped up in what I was doing at the time and I was proud of the work I'd done. But when it came down to it, I couldn't imagine NIN going out without me or with somebody else. I'm in a good place right now." - Robin Finck, 1999.

Prior to quitting the band to form A Perfect Circle with Billy Howerdel, Josh Freese helped Axl getting in touch with Buckethead. In early 2000 Buckethead was convinced to join in.

3 guitars lineup

"Originally it was gonna be a two-guitar player group. I split forever so I thought and went back to Nine Inch Nails. In my absence they were looking to replace me and Josh Freese, the drummer at the time, had brought Buckethead in to essentially fill the slot I had left. They really liked him but he's kind of a stunt guitar player. He does a very specific thing and he has a real genius sensibility about him. But he rarely plays the same thing twice ever and when you're trying to cruise through 'Nightrain' that just makes it a little (laughs) too different. So they needed someone to anchor the songs. They kept Buckethead to do what Buckethead does and they needed someone else to play alongside." - Robin Finck, 2014.

In late 2000 Robin returned to Guns for the upcoming gig as headliner act of Rock in Rio III Festival. As a sort of warm-up show, the band was booked for a New Year's Eve gig at The House of Blues in Las Vegas. It was the first time Robin performed live with Guns n' Roses.

Robin and Buckethead playing Paradise City at The House of Blues, January 1st, 2001.

With two lead guitarists, rumors that Robin and Buckethead weren't getting along very well began to emerge. And it seems that Axl encouraged competition between them.

"So it's taken a long time to pull these guys together and then have them develop a chemistry with themselves. When we first did our first show in Vegas, Robin and Buckethead didn't know each other at all, and you've got two lead guitar players trying to kill each other. You know, with their abilities. It's like when I tried to bring Zakk and Slash together. That didn’t go too well. (...) It was fun to watch." - Axl Rose, 2002.

Although neither Robin or Buckethead talked about it, years later Tommy Stinson showed his disdain for Buckethead on interviews and soon-to-be a member Richard Fortus has talked extensively about how difficult it was to make a lineup with three guitarists work. I'll return to this topic later.

Skullet

For these shows, Robin appeared with an extreme form of the mullet hairstyle, the skullet. Differing from his previous tours with Nine Inch Nails, this time he maintained the same haircut for the whole touring cycle: from the few performances in 2001 until their last gig in 2002. The only difference is that he straightened his hair in 2002.

At The Joint, Las Vegas, December 31st, 2001. Photo by Robert John.

From their US leg of the tour, 2002. Photo by George Chin.

Better

Between his comeback and early 2001, Robin came up with a song working titled 3 Dollar Pyramid, which turned out to be Better, the only song released with credits attributed exclusively to him and Axl Rose.

"[Better] was brought in after Josh [Freese] and was written by the band. It was Robin Finck’s song. We jammed it for a couple weeks and then went into the studio and recorded it." - Bryan "Brain" Mantia (GnR's drummer from May 2000 until June 2006), 2009.

Better without vocals

Richard Fortus

In 1999 Richard auditioned for Robin's place. He wasn't the chosen one but became good friends with Tommy. When Paul Tobias stepped out of his role as rhythm guitarist, Tommy called Richard to replace him for the 2002 tour.

Soon Richard and Robin formed a strong bond, which could be seen on as much as offstage throughout Robin's tenure, with Richard stating several times how much he loved working with him afterwards.

Richard and Robin during Nightrain at Allstate Arena, Chicago, November 18th, 2002.

Refusing to leave

After the 2002 tour being cancelled halfway through and "Guns' inability to complete an album", Buckethead quit in late 2003. In spite of the uncertainty of their situation as a band, Robin preferred not to leave them this time to tour with Nine Inch Nails. According to Reznor, his choice was driven by greed.

"Robin Finck [was] getting paid loads of money to hang out with Axl Rose and his house was getting paid for. You know what, f*ck you." - Trent Reznor, 2005.

Robin has never touched on this subject, but there are two things that need to be stressed: The album was very close to be finished and Guns was planning to perform in late 2005 - which only became reality in 2006 - so his decision might have been because of it.

2 guitars lineup?

"As far as I know, he [Buckethead] hasn't been replaced, but we already have enough guitarists". - Tommy Stinson, 2004.

"At the moment, Robin Finck and I are the only guitarists in the band. We switch off between lead and rhythm." - Richard Fortus, 2005.

They kept rehearsing as a duo until a few weeks before their warm-up gigs for the European tour at the Hammerstein Ballroom in May 2006.

"It was just Robin and myself, and we were doing rehearsals and Brain, and it was phenomenal, I mean, absolutely amazing. And literally, I think it was two days before we were supposed to do our first show, the energy was palpable. [...] Axl came down, he was like, 'This is the band I've always wanted.' The next day Bumblefoot comes in, and I guess, they found this guy and he came in, and the whole dynamic just completely shifted." - Richard Fortus, 2020.

Bullying Ron "Bumblefoot" Thal

Tommy had stated that they weren't doing auditions for a new guitarist, but Axl's team contacted Ron in 2004. Although nothing happened from it, in April 2006, Axl called him to "jam" with the band while they were rehearsing for their tour. Ron became Buckethead's replacement and stayed with them until 2015. In the beginning, he wasn't treated well by "some" members.

"Well, when I first joined the band, they did not want me in the band. And it’s not me - they just didn’t want a third guitar player. 'Cause at the time they had worked it out for two guitar players. Then suddenly the old manager at the time hits them up one day, and the tour was, like, two weeks away. He said, 'your new guitar player is coming down'. And they’re like, 'what the hell - who the fuck is this?', and I showed up, and they wouldn’t even look at me. For that first tour, you know, I was treated like shit. Like absolute shit. They wouldn’t really talk to me. If I spoke, they’d roll their eyes and walk out of the room. I was made to feel as unwelcome as possible. Until, finally, I had to get a little violent. And then they started realizing that I’m not gonna leave. They’re gonna get hurt. Physically. Then they realized that they couldn’t bully me, and that I was gonna fight at a level they weren’t prepared for. [...] ‘Cause I didn’t know why they were so cold to me, and I realized that they would have treated anybody that way. It was a set of circumstances, a lack of communication from the management that was there at the time, that set it up so it was almost like a stranger thrown into a crowded cage." - Ron "Bumblefoot" Thal, 2013.

Note: By "physically", he meant he "tried to stab three people on stage at a show in 2006", as he told WickedInfo in 2010.

Extreme makeover

Robin playing the main solo of Sweet Child o'Mine in Chicago, 2002 (left) and in Los Angeles, 2006 (right).

"A third guitarist stood apart from the others both visually and sonically, effortlessly tearing through every riff and solo like a man possessed; think Jimmy Page on ecstasy. Even after Rose introduced the bearded, sunglass-wearing phenomenon by name, dressed like a cross between Jim Morrison and Chris Robinson, I still couldn’t believe I was looking at Robin Finck. [...] Exuding a confidence no amount of posturing can imitate, he brought a searing intensity to each Guns song with impassioned intricacy and soul. [...] Finck was great before his apparent bohemian awakening, but this was something else entirely. He was essentially running through a gallery of world-renowned portraits and landscapes, the best of their time and sacred to many, casting his own colors and impressions onto each canvas. Somehow, blasphemy be damned, he made improvements." - Antiquiet review of Guns N' Roses' performance at Gibson Amphitheater, December 16th, 2006.

Robin's definitive departure

On April 4th 2008 NIN.com broke the news that Robin was back to the fold with a picture of him at the studio. Without knowing for sure Robin's position, Axl showed being open for a return.

"Last I was aware, he had some interest in touring, though I can't say what that means until then. In our opinion, he's made things a bit awkward publicly, but that's just his way." - Axl Rose, 2009.

Unfortunately, even with the Chinese Democracy's release in the end of that year, Robin didn't come back afterwards.

One night reappearance

The guitarist had a surprise appearance on March 12 2012 at House of Blues venue in Los Angeles to perform his song, Better, and that was the last time he got up on stage with Guns.

That's it, most of the info and rumors here I've gotten from GnR forums: MyGnRforum.com, a-4-d.com and GnRevolution.com, so a big thank you to everyone.

[atopvisenyashill]

i will never forgive the show for casting tobias menzies and then wasting him bc i watched him later in outlander & the crown, and after being blown away by his portrayal of black jack randall, i was ecstatic they had cast him as prince phillip, and sure enough he was amazing. i think edmure is the perfect character for him to really show off his acting chops, because the tullys are soooo quick to sense a sleight and get shitty over it while being craftily determined and fiercely devoted people as a whole, i just KNOW he would have killed it

but ESPECIALLY the way they had him just get freed from the noose, go inside, lift the siege over the protests of his people, and force the blackfish on the run because like, idk, they were determined to make him look like a shitty little coward or something??? when how it REALLY goes is that after the weeks of physical torture + the psychological torture of him being hanged in front of his own uncle DAILY, edmure manages to keep his shit together long enough while subsequently being horrifically psychologically tortured to get tom seven strings’ info from him, lift the siege to save his people from more suffering, and then cover for the blackfish while he escapes, and gloat about it to jaime’s face just for funsies!!!!

I DESERVED THIS BITCH SLAP FIGHT ON SCREEN DAMMIT TOBIAS WOULD HAVE KILLED IT

[likeallfires]

(   drew starkey   ,   cis-male   ,   he/him   )   that’s  TOBIAS SNOW, the THIRTY-ONE  year old GAMEMAKER from THE CAPITOL.  they’re so lucky to be in the capitol for such a special hunger games.  they’ve been here for long enough to gain a reputation for being so EMPATHETIC, and simultaneously SECRETIVE.  they remind me of at least believing that knowledge is power, wanting to shut down your family’s legacy from within, always carrying a book in hand, a smirk that is always holding a secret, which makes sense since they’re always listening to DAYDREAM by gunter kallmanm choir. let’s hope they’re up for all this work ahead of them this year . 

full name — tobias platyrhodon snow nickname(s) — toby ( by close friends and family ) name meaning — tobias: god is good. platyrhodon: flaky rose. snow: pure.  age — thirty-one date of birth — september 23rd place of birth — the capitol star sign — libra sun, capricorn moon, virgo rising  current location — the capitol gender — cis-man pronouns — he/him sexual orientation — bisexual religion — agnostic  occupation — gamemaker education level — the academy, the university family — tbd finances — he deserves to be eaten  spoken languages — english allegiance — the resistance

tw: coriolanus snow being coriolanus snow, mentions of propaganda

you were born under a libra sunrise, destined to bring balance to an ever unbalanced family. when you were born you were celebrated, people knew you because of your last name, already powerful with your first breaths. you would be great, you could do anything you wanted because of your last name. balance was everything. a peculiar little boy, loved so dearly by people in the capitol, because who could ever truly hate a snow? 

growing up is easy, everything at your fingertips, any interest that tobias had ever wanted would be granted. but tobias didn’t want much, just books to read and friends and cousins to play with. he liked to keep to himself, he would sit with his grandfather when the games would begin, watch as people watched other children die, a spectacle for the games. a necessary hapstence, it did seem unfair to a child, but he was also born under propaganda. and it's uneasy to break propaganda if you’ve been born in it. 

the list of elites of the capitol isn’t far and wide, his first little act of rebellion is truly being able to read, the books at his grandfather’s house are not nearly as far and wide as the heavensbees, so he befriends them, if a bit cunningly. knowledge is power and tobias wanted to know everything growing up, his parents often claiming their son to be a bit of a know it all. growing up a lonely boy will do that to you, sure he might have been loved amongst the people of the capitol but that doesn’t matter much if they don’t actually know you. 

how does a capitol boy learn of revolution? how does he see a pattern when it comes to things like tyranny or even find hope in resistance? it’s knowledge and secrets. by the time that he had graduated from the academy he had a thirst for knowledge beyond himself. surely there had to be others like himself that thought the games were a horrid way to go about it. surely there were others like him that thought peace could be found in another way. but over the years, since his time at the academy and seeing how closely he watched each new tribute from the districts come and often fail had to lay on people’s hearts. they could cry when their favourites die, but what good does that do? fake empathy, and tobias had always looked at his parents reactions. waking up to realize that your family has caused suffering isn’t an easy thing. and by the time he figure out what he wants to do it almost feels like it’s in vain. 

when his parents gave him his middle name, he thinks its a bit ironic. naming capitol children was something that was often overlooked. perhaps his parents thought that it just sounded nice. little did they know how much tobias thought of how fitting it actually was.

the games are never ending, and the more that tobias reads of revolution the more he feels like it’ll never come until the 74th hunger games. no one dares talk about district twelve in the mansion, it’s almost an unspoken rule. but there was something there that had caught his eye when it had. he was a teen then, only three years younger than the tributes. he never had the worry of ever being in the games, but the thought of taking one’s place for a sibling was never a thought that the other had. no one was nearly selfless enough to do it, knowing that it would most likely end in immediate death. 

tobias began to wake up from then, watched as the way people watched katniss and peeta, and he knew then what he knew as a child : something wasn’t right. it was unheard of having two tributes win, this meant something. 

tobias is part of the resistance, he has been for a while now, even choosing to be a gamemaker, plotting and taking his time to understand just how the game works. tobias has knowledge that others don’t as a snow, he might have grown up with his grandfather, might have even felt whatever capacity of love that his grandfather could give him, but it was never love. sometimes, when he really thinks about it, he thinks that perhaps there was no love at all. everything was an obligation of an obligation of an obligation. 

he’s not a grey character, he feels empathy for what the districts go through, he was the one in his family that chose to wake up and see the world of panem for what it is : broken. he knows that he’s privileged having access to books, poems, and legends of the districts, he knows that he’ll never have to be put in the games because of what his last name means, he knows that in knowing this he must wear a face of deceit. but he can no longer justify to himself that this is the right way to live. it doesn’t help, the way that history repeats himself, and that he fell in love with a victor. 

growing up tobias had been given lessons, on how to act and speak in public, had all the best of everything the capitol had to offer, it's a privilege, he knows, but a prison in his own way, and no one else other than himself might feel that in a way, it’s its own games. moves and countermoves. being at the center of it all as a gamemaker makes it easier, he can manipulate and search for secrets, he can be part of the underground, because this way of living is no way to live. for anyone. 

tobias has always been good at playing the part of a doting son and grandson, no one truly knows the depth of his deception towards his grandfather, and how he so wishes the people in the districts to be free from the shackles, because, he too, is a victim of the propaganda himself growing up. people are able to be changed, and while he works through his own prejudices it's not without trying. 

if you’re part of resistance then you would know that tobias is part of it too. he does his best to help get information passed, often working with people like haymitch and heavensbee. there was a reason he picked his career. 

he wishes to find the balance that he was born under, after all, his birth was at 6:01 am, when the sun was just starting to rise, and he knows he’s just a little blimp in the timeline. he wants to destroy this legacy until his dying breath, and with his name, naively, he thinks that maybe he can. and if he can’t in this lifetime, he hopes that maybe in the next.

[jerzwriter]

I hope you don’t mind me stealing them for my morning warm up.

—————

“I’m home,” he called out.

“We’re in the kitchen,” she hollered back.

We? God, who did she invite over this time? he wondered and leaned against the wall, steeling himself for whatever gathering she had planned to subject him to this week.

“Uncle Ethan!” Samantha squealed as she slid around the corner in her stocking feet. Brooke not far behind her sister.

“Samantha,” Ethan acknowledged her greeting with confusion as she took his hand.

“We are making Christmas cookies,” Brooke said loudly and her sticky hand grabbed his other hand.

The two sisters dragging him to the kitchen where Kayla pulled herself up on Merida’s leg and her tiny fingers tried to each the flour dusted counter.

“Hey, welcome home,” Merida grinned, dusted in equal amounts of flour as their kitchen.

The girls raced back to the table to frost more cookies, though Ethan saw they ate more of the frosting than they actually applied to the cookies.

“Why are they here?” he whispered and indicated with his head the girls now dumping entire containers of sprinkles atop their cookies.

“You mean the spawn of Tobias?” Merida teased.

Ethan rolled his eyes and sighed, “Yes.”

“I thought it would be nice to give Casey and Tobias a night free for a date.”

“They can get their own sitter.”

“Ah but this is more fun.”

“Fun for who?”

“Me,” she giggled into a kiss. “Because I do so love exasperated Uncle Ethan.”

“You are impossible.”

He turned from her hoping to hide the slight smile.

“Girls!” he shouted when he saw Brooke painting Samantha’s face with frosting. “The frosting goes on the cookies.”

He leaned down to begin wiping the frosting from Samantha’s face only for Brooke to start painting his.

He stood up and turned to Merida with a pointed look. But she only laughed and the girls erupted in giggles.

“We will end up with four children to babysit if you keep giving those two date nights and,” he paused and gave a long suffering sigh, “I don’t think I can handle that.”

She pulled him close and kissed the frosting from his face, “You love it.”

LILY!!!!!!!! OMG! So I have to tell you - I saw this the moment I woke up today. I was not in a good headspace; lots going on, and I was really down. Then I saw this, and it just made me smile. It really turned my whole day around, and I need to thank you for that! Like HUGE HUGE HUGE hugs for that!

Now... this was FREAKING ADORABLE!!!! EEK! OK, so outside of my own little girl (who isn't so little lol) I think the Carrick Girls are the greatest thing I've ever created, and OMG, you captured the little rugrats SO well here. And juxtaposing their vibrance, mischief, youth, and energy against Ethan's curmudgeonly old man ways! AAAGHHH! OMG!!!! Then, there is Merida, the perfect balance of light, joy ... and mischief... right there in the middle. Oh, I have so much to say... bear with me, PLEASE!

We? God, who did she invite over this time?

🤣🤣🤣 Ethan, you crotchety old man. You are SO lucky Merida tolerates your ass! 🤣🤣🤣

steeling himself for whatever gathering she had planned to subject him to this week.

Your life would be so empty without her babe. Worship her as she deserves to be worshiped! lol

“We are making Christmas cookies,” Brooke said loudly and her sticky hand grabbed his other hand.

Ethan thinking ... "This is why we don't have kids" the entire time! 😆

The girls raced back to the table to frost more cookies, though Ethan saw they ate more of the frosting than they actually applied to the cookies.

You know Tobias does the same thing, right? It's official. It's canon. He does. lol

“Why are they here?” “You mean the spawn of Tobias?”

STOP!!!!

No... seriously! STOP! I am literally WHEEZING over here. OMG Spawn of Tobias... I need to inject this into my fics, into my vernacular, into MY LIFE as much as humanly possible. That's a must...

“Ah but this is more fun.” “Fun for who?” “Me,”

Baby boy, she needs more than your grumpy ass in her life. LMAO I love it.

He leaned down to begin wiping the frosting from Samantha’s face only for Brooke to start painting his.

THIS. IS. EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING! I need to commission art of this. And I can see Merida LAUGHING her ass off in the background - sneaking a picture and texting it to the friends group chat... and Tobias is like "That's going on our family Christmas card." It's done. 😂😂😂

“We will end up with four children to babysit if you keep giving those two date nights and,” he paused and gave a long suffering sigh, “I don’t think I can handle that.”

SSSTTTOOOOPPPPP!!!! 😂😂😂😂

OMG Ethan, but you are SO FREAKING RIGHT! lol So - there is a really angsty story surrounding Kayla's birth ... and more to come on that... but if not for that... I'm sure these two would have been pumping kids out like rabbits. lol

OMG LILY! I waited all day to reply because I wanted the time to give it the attention it deserves. AAAGHH! I love this! I love you! Thank you so much! This was the brightest spot in my day! ❤️❤️❤️

[coffee-n-bagels-comic-universe]

Faith & Fate - A Leap Of Faith Fanfiction

As I told Emily (@philhoffman ) I have started writing a Leap Of Faith story, which I have now titled 'Faith & Fate', it takes place in 1993 and in the fictional town of 'Lead Springs, Texas'. And I shall now word dump on you some info:

Major Changes to the plot / Spoilers:

After the ending of 'Leap of Faith' Jonas was dropped off the next town over by the truck driver. The trucker thought Jonas was mad and threw him and his bag out.

Jonas had to call Jane, she and Sheriff Braverman came to get Jonas and they (Jonas and Jane) re-joined the crew, heading off to the next town, eventually reaching Lead Springs, Texas by January 9th of 1992, where 'Faith & Fate' begins.

So basically, I'm using 'Leap of Faith' as a 'movie becomes series' (like Buffy for example) to lead into 'Faith & Fate'

As per usual, if you wish to be tagged or untagged from the story, please let me know, either through asks or DMs

Characters (OCs & From Leap of Faith):

Under cut due to length. These are just the characters I'm certain I'll include as of now (8th June '24)

Jonas Nightengale & Jane Larson

Aka the two least deserving of anyone's trust, the Boss (Jonas) and the ACTUAL boss (Jane). I don't trust either of them, but I trust Larson more because of the butterflies scene. Jane is dating Sheriff Braverman long-distance and Jonas still keeps in touch with Boyd and Marva, though he isn't particularly close to either of them.

Ages: Jonas - 47. Jane - 37

The Choir & The Crew (General)

More than likely underpaid (even though Jonas has a bag of golden watches), but good people. I know several of the crew who put together the gigantic tent have tattoos, so possibly a mix of types of Christians, including maybe some who aren't fully Christians

Ages: Unknown, Approx. 20s-40s mostly

Tiny

First of all, he's a giant, dude's like 6'3. My name for him is Timothy Smalls, so in my head at least Jonas nicknamed him Tiny because of the character of Tiny Tim and it just stuck. He helps with building the tent, collecting money, gathering info, etc.

Age: 44

Matt

(Image credit - @philhoffman / Emily) Matt, my beloved, young dumb and full of… energy, this man has so much energy. My name for him is Matthew Braddock. He helps collect money and gather info, but is also the one who Jane and Hoover (Meat Loaf) send to do random tasks, like an intern.

Age: 25

Hoover

The driver of Jonas' bus, as in the main bus at the front of the pack of 4. His name's Tobias Hoover. His family is my OCs, specifically his 2 brothers and niece. I like his fashion choices, but I know they're not for everyone, also I have been unironically listening to mostly Meat Loaf songs while writing these characters.

Age: 43

(OC) Jedidiah 'Jed/Bubba' Hoover

Eldest brother, and the only Hoover brother to have kids, big (6'2") cuddly papa bear, but seriously don't come near his daughter, he protects her like she's a miracle and her mother / Jed's wife died when Cai was very young.

Age: 46

(OC) Micaiah 'Cai' Hoover

Jed's daughter, Cai's been raised by practically just men, her family has always been in Lead Springs, her uncle Tobias was the only one who left. She suffers with CIDP, which means she's often in a wheelchair but manages as well as she can to be independent. She doesn't work, not due to disability but rather due to lack of jobs, as well as the mistreatment she receives in Lead Springs.

Age: 22 (turns 23 within the first few chapters)

(OC) Zechariah 'Ari' Hoover

Tobi and Jed's younger brother, and Cai's uncle. Zechariah goes by Ari, which can be confusing. He lives with Jed and Cai, acting as a second father to Cai while working with Jed at the town's diner. Most days he regrets letting Tobias leave, but has to remind himself that his brother has his own life.

Age: 40

(OC) Reverend B.J Deacon

The young, new Episcopal church reverend/deacon, fresh faced and just out of seminary school. He's very new to actually leading a church and very inexperienced, hoping to learn from Jonas how to engage people with their faith.

Age: 22 (turns 23 within the first few chapters)

[severussnapeconfessions]

hc Snape didn't shed a single tear when his parents died.

Ohohoh I love this. This character is so complex that I honestly have multiple headcanons regarding this subject. I feel compelled to share.

Some of them are ridiculous but that's life.

In one of them, Tobias murdered Eileen out of pure violence and prolonged domestic abuse, became a runaway and Severus after learning about his mother's passing tracks his father down and kills him. Severus would be 16/17 years old.

That would have been Severus' first kill. He tracked him with magic, bound him to a chair, and gave him a good beating him with his bare hands. By then Severus would have already at least have reached his height, despite not have the muscle and he wanted Tobias to fear him. His last words towards his father would be:

"I have not done this before for she would suffer greatly... But now, thanks to you, mother is gone and free of her bindings. Do you see this ? "

Young Severus raises his wand, his eyes dangerously searching the other man's.

" This fucking stick, as you have called a many of times, is what you have always feared in Eileen. She could have killed you just like this "

He flicks his wand once and sends a controlled cutting hex across his father's cheek.

"But guess what, she did not need it"

He throws his wand away and casts multiple cutting hexes wandlessly aimed at his father's chest.

"I will be after you even in the pits of hell. May your soul never find peace, for you do not deserve it. Bearing your name disgusts me. You are a ridiculous excuse of a man, Tobias Snape."

And then he turns away, picks the wand up and points it at his father's bloodied swollen face and casts his first Unforgivable. He then casts a fiendfyre to burn the body.

*sigh* Why have I poorly written fanfiction in here? I don't know. Sorry.

[dylanpizzapie]

The flickering candlelight cast elongated shadows across Dumbledore's office, painting the already cluttered space with an air of unease. Remus Lupin stood before him, his usually gentle face etched with a strange, unsettling calmness. He was early, a full week before the full moon, but there was an urgency in his eyes that Dumbledore couldn’t ignore.

"Professor," Remus began, his voice barely a whisper. "I was wondering if… if it's time for my punishment yet?"

Dumbledore's eyebrows shot up, his gaze sharpening behind his half-moon spectacles. "Punishment, Remus? For what, pray tell?"

Remus offered a small, almost apologetic smile, a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "For my sins, sir. You know… for everything." He said the word "everything" with a casual inflection that made the hairs on Dumbledore's neck prickle.

A wave of understanding, mixed with profound sadness and horror, washed over Dumbledore. He had suspected, of course, considering Remus's past, but to hear it so plainly, so devoid of protest, was a gut punch.

Remus misinterpreted the expression on Dumbledore’s face. His eyes flickered with a nervous energy. "Is it… is it because I'm a vampire, sir? I know it's a lot to ask for forgiveness, especially after what I did last month. I could… I could be chained up, you know? Like Father Tobias used to do. He kept me in the basement when my… 'sinful' nature came out." He hesitated, then added in a rush, "My fangs have almost grown back too, sir. It's nearly that time again. I'm told they need to be pulled when they are about to show, if I don’t want to cause issues."

Dumbledore felt a cold dread settle in his stomach. He was seeing a boy broken by years of mistreatment, a boy who had internalized cruelty as a necessary part of his existence.

Remus continued, his voice now a desperate plea. "If you pull them out, sir, would… would I be allowed to stay afterwards? Just until I heal?" A sliver of hope flickered in his eyes, quickly extinguished by a wave of self-reproach.

He knew he was being selfish, Remus thought miserably. He didn't deserve this. He didn’t want to leave Hogwarts. It was the only place he had ever felt even remotely safe. He had food, a bed, and unbelievably, friends. Friends who didn't flinch when he transformed, friends who were brave enough to endure the pain of his condition alongside him.

He bowed his head, ashamed of his brazen request. "Never mind, Professor. I understand. I’ll… I’ll go now." He turned to leave, his shoulders slumped with resignation.

Before he could reach the door, Dumbledore's voice, laced with a gentle authority, stopped him. "Remus, please, wait."

Remus turned back, his brow furrowed.

Dumbledore rose from his desk, his gaze unwavering. He took a slow, deliberate step closer to the boy. "Remus," he said, his voice soft, almost hesitant. "Do you… do you know what abuse is?"

Remus stared at him, his confusion evident. He ran through his memories, replaying the beatings, the isolation, the constant barrage of condemnation. He thought of Father Tobias’s grim face and the heavy chains. He thought of the fearful whispers of the villagers, their accusing stares.

He looked back at Dumbledore, his eyes filled with a mixture of fear and a dawning realization. "I… I think so, sir." The word hung in the air, laden with the weight of unspoken suffering. Dumbledore’s question had opened a door that Remus had been desperately trying to keep shut. He felt his carefully constructed walls begin to crumble, revealing the raw, aching wounds beneath. The question wasn't just about what abuse was, but about what he had endured. And for the first time, Remus saw it wasn't something he deserved.

[solanumflare]

yumeno. tell me about him more. like some of the friendships he's had in the past. for funsies

OH BOY. rubs my hands together. I know that you know what yumenos story is but these poor people on the internet have NO IDEA.

so for those who don't know, naomi yumeno is sorrrrrt of the main character of a game I'm making. you can just call him yumeno! he's great! absolute wet cat of a person and living perpetually in a self-inflicted torture nexus

BUT. ANYWAY. the whole point of yumeno's story is that he has had seven friends (plus his brother who i will talk about later), and for different reasons, has cut off all of those people. some were his fault, some were the other person's fault, some were just sucky and awful situations.

his first friend was talia reyes, whose opinion of him yumeno judged all of his self-worth on, who led him to believe he was incapable of being loved by anybody but her. she stops talking to him out of nowhere one day, and the next time they meet, she acts like she doesn't know him.

his second friend was elize pretorius, who was popular and kind and loved by everybody, who yumeno thought he didn't deserve, who yumeno assumed only liked him out of pity. he screams at her and shoves her away when she tries to talk to him, and they don't speak again.

his third friend was tobias nakano, who tried his best to listen to yumeno and provide him comfort, who yumeno fell in love with and was obsessed with for years, who yumeno was too afraid of to get close to. yumeno spills his guts on every single hidden feeling he's ever had and then runs away, and makes sure to dodge tobias, never look his way, and never cross his path ever again.

his fourth friend was nadia raji, who acted like they could see into his soul, tried to push him to confront the hatred for himself and fear of ever caring about another person, who understood him far too well. yumeno stopped speaking to them out of fear, saying he'd come back them eventually, and they moved away a few days later.

his fifth and sixth friends came at the same time: juliet caiazzo and mikolas kafka. juliet, who is kind but keeps withdrawing, whose sharp gaze yumeno fears, who has trouble showing emotions and who yumeno assumed didn't see him as a friend. he twisted her around his finger and made her show her emotions to him after the death of her brother, and then watched as she withdrew from their friendship more than she ever had before, and never tried to come back. mikolas, who suffers every day of his life and somehow still manages to be a good person, who gave yumeno space to open up, who yumeno loves more than anything. yumeno painted himself as the worst out of all the people who have ever manipulated mikolas, and shattered his trust completely. the three of them were all best friends, once.

his seventh and final friend was fabienne calixte, who was as unstable as him, as afraid she'd be abandoned but at the same time afraid she'd be loved, who didn't want to be seen but needed somebody to cling onto. they were parasitic mutualists who somehow managed to become so completely dependent on each other that one more second of their friendship would have killed them both.

so yumeno locks himself in his bedroom for five years and tries not to think about it.

[sunomaly]

about the au: 𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚊 𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎

in this au, it’s not aly that has to fake her own death, but spencer. tobias williams escaped prison, was on the run. aly tirelessly researched, spent her time trying to hunt him down. but instead of coming after alyssa, her father went after the one person she cared about most. aly was the one to find him near, and she rode with spencer to the hospital while calling the rest of the team. she stayed in the waiting room the whole time he was in emergency surgery, pacing the linoleum floor as she waited for something, anything. hotch arrived, told her she needed to get some rest. and while she protested, eventually a direct order was given. she didn’t go home, instead sleeping in the waiting room.

when she woke up the news was given. spencer had ‘died’ in surgery. there was nothing that could have been done. the world stopped, she couldn’t breathe. she felt like she’d been shot, like her head was being held underwater. she never got to say goodbye, never got to tell him she loved him. and now she never could.

she stayed long enough to go to the funeral, then soon after she decided to take leave. one of the first times in her entire career where she actually decided to take vacation. but it really wasn’t a vacation, and she didn’t plan on coming back.

she started hunting for her father, promising herself that she’d make the bastard pay for what he’d done. what he’d done to her mother, the girls he’d killed, her college friends.. and for what he’d done to spencer. when she found tobias williams she made him suffer. suffer the same torture that he had put others through before putting an end to his life. and that was only the beginning.

alyssa knows how law enforcement works intimately. she’d been with the bureau for years by this point. she’d seen more than many, suffered torture, pain, heartbreak. she couldn’t find a way to turn it all back on. she vowed to make sure that no one else would have to feel like she did. that she would take it into her own hands.. prison was something that serial killers didn’t deserve. it was because he’d been allowed to live that tobias was even able to escape prison. she won’t make that mistake again.

[tcrturedpcetsdep]

"I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE SCARED. WE ARE FAMILY AND.. I PROMISE YOU. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR FROM ME." richard smiled, as he took one step in the other's direction and then another. was he going anywhere? well, not until he managed to see if he was right, but.. he had an idea that he may be. after all, BLOOD CALLED TO BLOOD, didn't it? and the other had looked so much like blake from the moment that they had met that he had felt.. well, he had felt it, through and through. THEY WERE FAMILY. "a legal guardian is not family. he doesn't share your blood. i do. TOBY. or.. tobias now, hm? you couldn't look more like your father if you had tried. there's so much of him in you." and that was precisely why this was the perfect way to get the revenge that he had wanted. to make sure that woman suffered for what she had done. "you may not REMEMBER this, but she deserves it. she killed him. she killed him cold blood. look it up. all the newspapers will tell you just that. right in front of you. SHE DID IT. she's a monster. a cold blooded monster that shouldn't be allowed to call herself your mother." should richard have his way? she never would again. not happening. "I THINK THAT I FOUND JUST WHAT I WANTED, ACTUALLY." / @xtinyslip

"oh, because you think i'm automatically going to be scared of you because you're trying to throw your weight around? i've been around worse." eh, he was kind of intimidating and maybe ryan was, kind of shitting it but he was telling himself that it was more about the situation itself. these kinds of things didn't happen all the time and although he was sure they had the wrong guy, like they had to, right? still, either way this felt like a big deal and something he had no idea how to react to. "nah, if you want to run any tests? you can go through my legal guardian to do it. his name's joel." was that true? um, not strictly or actually at all but — he'd never been in this position before and performing a DNA test without talking it through with someone he knew had his best interests? well, it didn't seem like a good idea so sure, he wanted to wait. was that such a crime? he needed to air this out with someone before he went ahead and agreed to do it. "you shouldn't talk about a woman that way! let alone my mother." not even realising that he was referring to whoever this woman was as his mother, and clearly doing so quite naturally. "look, i really am sorry about your son but whatever you're looking for? you're not going to find it here." he didn't want to look at it, he barely did... it felt wrong too. "-- it's someone's truth." it didn't mean it was the truth though. @tcrturedpcetsdep