#and to what end I could even give Lily agency in a situation where she's in objective and imminent peril

[clare-with-no-i]

okay but i'm still LOSING my MIND over the fact that in theogony james literally killed a man for lily’s sake like. not to save her life bc she wasn’t in danger anymore but just because he could see how tortured she was over the possibility that she’d done it. i feel like it’s such a great parallel with chapter 8 where we see him thinking about war and the innocence of the young boys who were fighting for the first time. he saw her in shock over the possibility that she’d taken someone’s life and just to relieve that burden from her he was the one to kill the man like WHAT!!!! it’s devotion to the max it’s love taken to it’s most extreme form like i would kill a man for you just to keep you steady what the fuck!!!! he is so !!!!!!!!! i have no words you are so insane for this i’m literally incoherent

"I would kill a man for you just to keep you steady" well I didn't prepare myself for HOZIER to enter my ask box today that's for damn sure!! certainly was not prepared to be bowled over by a blithe little sentence in an anon ask today!!!!

[autisticandroids]

Oh patron saint of mpreg, tell us, what is the absolute gold standard canon divergent mpreg scenario with Cas and Dean?

so for me the gold standard is for cas to get pregnant due to some kind of magical or metaphysical situation that dean at least does not perceive as sex. bonus points is cas is hesitant about it but refuses to explain why (because he doesn't know how dean will deal with the concept of himself being able to potentially get cas pregnant), so dean is like "we're doing it anyway" and then they do it and then cas doesn't tell anyone that he is pregnant until circumstances force the information out of him. and then dean has to deal with the fact that 1) cas can get pregnant, 2) cas is pregnant, 3) it's his, and he does so pretty poorly.

the rest is under a cut because this post is over 2.5k words long.

my favorite times for this to happen are at the end of season nine, just before dean dies and gets demonized in do you believe in miracles, and at the start of season twelve, just before sam and dean go to jail, because the pining in both those scenarios is delicious but it is so much more powerful if cas is also pregnant, and never even told dean. double points if the truth somehow comes out while they're separated so when dean comes back it's like. yeah cas is pregnant. it's yours. welcome home dean now you have to coddle cas' emotions because he thought he would have to raise your baby alone.

the season twelve scenario is particularly delicious because 1) we can have lucifer slut shaming cas in front of crowley in rock never dies, so crowley knows before dean, and 2) much more importantly, mary is there, and i am obsessed with like. okay. several things.

- the idea of mary getting all baby fever because she misses her boys and this is like. a baby she can take care of because she never got to take care of sam

- the idea of dean working through some of his parentification trauma by coparenting a child with the parent whose place he felt he had to take

- the idea of mary coming in and projecting her insane 1980s gender roles all over cas, suddenly treating him like a woman, stripping him of agency, etc. and like. dean would also do this even though he's not from the eighties, but mary would do it double strength, and they would reinforce each other, it would be a nightmare

- also mary trying to relate to cas on the Travails Of Motherhood etc. and cas being like ?????????? like i cannot stress enough that the weird gender roles she projects onto cas are also standards that she held herself to back when she was a Wife And Mother. while cas is like mary i am not a human woman and also i don't see what "having to look pretty for my man when i'm all baby bloaty" has to do with anything. that's not something i feel like i have to do

oh and 3) could you imagine lily sunder has some regrets if cas was pregnant? unfathomable episode. like ishim and mirabel's reaction but ALSO lily's. and it would fix the number one issue i have with lily sunder, which is that the resolution of the moral dilemma is "well AKSHUALLY the kid was human and not a nephilim so killing it was bad" rather than "it was bad to kill lily's baby, full stop." like ishim's cover up and using the machinery of power to manipulate the truth is very compelling, but the fact that it results in the moral essentially being "it would have been okay if the kid had been a nephilim" suuuuuucks.

basically, there's a reason i have two entire mpreg aus set in season twelve.

and then the delicious part in the season nine version is like. one, dean is away for much longer and he could be anywhere. also he's a demon and he's cheating on cas with crowley. and then even when cas gets him back he's still cursed with the mark, so we can get all weepy over that. you know. i'm the one who's going to have to watch you murder the world and i'm eight months pregnant. etc etc.

but the other thing that's juicy about this version is that cas is still semi-involved with the other angels at this point, like he's roadtripping around with hannah and they're trying to get heaven under control, so carrying a nephil is going to really affect those relationships. so he's going to be probably disliked by the other angels, and there are MANY opportunities for slut-shaming, but at the same time, the other "outcast" type angels might respect him for violating heaven's dictates.

and then of course there's his grace vampirism victorian wasting disease. in canon he's perfectly happy to let himself die, but if he were having dean's baby he would absolutely not do that, that's dean's baby he's endangering there. so of course there's the terrible guilt of having to kill other angels so he can live, plus potentially preparing to die shortly after childbirth so he doesn't have to keep killing. delicious.

and on top of all this cas can get slutshamed by metatron in, depending on when exactly he gets knocked up, meta fiction, stairway to heaven, and do you believe in miracles. plus stairway to heaven would be insane like all the angels would know that cas is pregnant. they would see it in his grace. like cas' angel army would just. know that he was pregnant with a nephil, and have to accept that because he's their leader. in love with humanity indeed.

i'm trying to think of other good times for this drama with cas getting secretly pregnant through a nonsexual interaction to take place. it would be great in season six. like: he's doing a blasphemy with his body but at the same time he's this big important rebel leader so they can't say shit about him, and also he's pregnant while fighting these big important battles (fun and sexy), AND this is like, hot on the heels of the realization that something about his feelings for dean is untoward, expands beyond the bounds of ordinary friendship and camaraderie. like he realizes that, and maybe even that he has sexual feelings for dean, and then he gets immediately knocked up. stunning.

it would ALSO be extremely fun for it to be some kind of... i don't know, magical longer gestation times, whatever, but for cas to have gotten pregnant sometime in s5 and only realized during the Year Of Lisa. LOVE to watch a man rake leaves while both metaphorically carrying the taint of taboo sexual feelings for him and literally carrying his child.

but the thing about season six is, first of all, cas isn't really... envisioning a future with dean. not the way he does in the later seasons. like does he fantasize about a future with dean? yes. like. he really did watch that motherfucker rake leaves. but it's only fantasy. he expected to never speak to dean again after swan song until dean prayed to him in the third man. he's obsessed with dean, but it's distant. remote.

like, we talk about cas babytrapping dean in the later seasons with jack, and he absolutely does, and he would do it even more if dean got him literally pregnant, but that babytrap is about... how do i put this. it's about winning dean's affection. late seasons cas knows that he's going to die by dean's side. the difference that babytrapping dean makes is that maybe it will get dean to be nice to him in the mean time, instead of discarding him like so much toilet paper.

but season six cas doesn't think of it like that. if he were gonna babytrap dean, it would be in the more traditional sense of forcing dean to stay with him in order to raise their child together. and he would never do that. he wants dean to have a happy future, which in his mind does not include him. like, compare here "he's retired and he's to stay that way" in the man who would be king, where cas assumes that dean is happy without him and expects him to live out his days peacefully without ever seeing him again, to "i'm the one who's going to have to watch you murder the world" in the prisoner, where cas assumes that he will be by dean's side for centuries.

but anyway, the other, much more important problem with season six is that cas has a war to fight. like, in the later seasons, cas really has nothing. even when he's on tenuous good terms with the angels, he doesn't really have a home with them. the winchesters are his family, and he'd give up anything for them. he has nothing in his life. he's at rock bottom, and this becomes truer the further along you go. late seasons cas has nothing he would prioritize over serving the winchesters, and he would be happy dropping anything he was involved in to have and raise dean's baby. parenting would give him a purpose that he no longer has, because everything else has been stripped from him.

but in season six cas has a life outside of them. like yes, he has a war to fight, but he also has a place in heaven, with the other angels. he belongs somewhere, he has solid connections to the outside world. even if he didn't have a war to fight, i don't know how excited he would be to have and raise a baby (even dean's baby) because he simply has other things he could be doing. he's involved in the world beyond the winchesters.

like, the reason cas wants to be a parent is that he is totally alone and totally purposeless. having a child gives him both a reason for being and someone who will always love him and who he can care for. if he doesn't have that hole in his life he might not be so eager to fill it with a baby.

for all these reasons, this plotline really doesn't work in season six, because you simply cannot justify cas not getting an abortion, unless you do something nasty like make angel abortion impossible, which i don't love.

you COULD somehow put the impregnation just at the end of season six, maybe just before the man who would be king, such that cas doesn't realize he's pregnant until he's already godstiel. you guys are unfortunately very aware of how obsessed i am with pregnant godstiel.

actually, @jeanne-de-valois has a concept of like. a single, madness fueled midnight hookup immediately pre-tmwwbk (or maybe even during, but prior to the superman mistake), where cas is simultaneously so stressed from being stretched so thin from the war and the lying and the shady dealings, and so high on being The Big Man In Heaven, that he's bold and out of his mind enough to actually come onto dean, like he just appears one night in dean's bedroom and is like, fuck me, and dean is like 👁����👁 okay. so they have one single adrenaline and madness fueled hookup, and then everything immediately goes to shit.

and i think that's a great place for cas to get pregnant, and then he doesn't realize until he's become god, or maybe he does and he's just like "i'll deal with it later," either way godstiel is like oh? i carry dean's heir inside me? i will have dean's baby. i will have dean's baby it is my right and also my boon to him and also a symbol of my great and magnanimous love for humanity. and also maybe i will put giant paintings of myself pregnant with his child up in churches. what about that. which would be fun. don't know when he would give birth though. actually it would be insane if he gave birth as emmanuel and was just like. raising dean's nephil when dean found him again. nuts. but it just doesn't really have the same flavor as late seasons mpreg. doesn't compel me nearly as much. like the symbolism of godstiel being pregnant with dean's child is fun and sexy but them actually raising the kid afterwards doesn't compel me nearly as much, so it's better to leave literal mpreg to the later seasons and let godstiel mpreg reside in symbolism and fantasy.

or maybe the fetus gets stolen by the leviathans when cas walks into the lake and dean has to battle his leviathanated nephil daughter as the main villain of s7. like she's dick roman's secret weapon. i think that would be fun, actually. kind of an emma situation but drawn out over the whole season. and he thinks cas is dead for most of it so she's all he's got left of cas and a mess cas left for him to clean up. big sexy.

and as a bonus, i will also tell you the best time, imo, for dean to get pregnant: near the end of season eight. possibly a single, tragic farewell fuck in sacrifice when cas is planning to lock himself away in heaven and they're never gonna see each other again. and this impregnates dean with cas' nephil.

but then cas is human. and he can't do anything about it. like generally if they managed to get dean pregnant somehow, cas would immediately talk him into an abortion (which wouldn't be too hard; dean's natural white midwestern man who doesn't vote aversion to abortion would be at war with the horror of being pregnant, and the horror would win), or might not even inform dean that he's pregnant, and just quietly end the pregnancy without dean's knowledge, because cas would never put dean through that. but if cas is human, he can't do that. and furthermore, that nephil is the last evidence of his angelic nature that persists. it's the last of what he used to be, the last of his grace. and there's something absolutely delectable about that.

then of course dean would have to leave the bunker if he was pregnant with a nephil, because angels would be after him, and he wouldn't want to lead them to gadreel, so i am imagining dean discovering that he's pregnant and then showing up in a panic at the gas n sip like "actually cas i'm also out of the bunker will you go on the run with me?" and then they go on the run and have to live in motels again and cas gets to live with take care of dean who is pregnant with his child which is essentially his dream, and he doesn't have to feel guilty because he's no longer capable of giving dean an abortion so he doesn't feel obligated to get him to have one. ideally cas gets re-angeled just in time to give dean an angelic c-section. or maybe they rely on a normal human c-section in a hospital and cas stays human and they are two humans raising their nephil, which is also fun to me.

[griffin-wood]

all's well that ends well

pairing: Adam x Lya, Nate x Lili, Felix x Irene and Naya x Mason.

summary: post-mission celebration with a bit of chaos with the whole gang together.

prompt: Day 7 - ✨ celebration ✨ for @wayhavensummer

a/n: we reached the end of the prompts, thank you to the mods for creating this event ! sending much love and goodness your way, and I hope all of you enjoy this! Its quite...rusty and long, but its definitely one of my proudest one yet. Happy final wayhavensummer! 💙

"Okay, here's the plan...." Naya's voice boomed through the warehouse - her commanding tone somewhat matches Adam who nods at her.

"Wait, are you sure this is safe? We have like one chance to take them out and you plan to just barge right in Naya?" Irene raised an eyebrow in disbelief, as Naya crossed her arms.

"well, do you have a better plan than Leyva?" She snickers at her - earning an amused look from the red-head herself.

"You bet I do! We use the guns, I have a few of my inventions that might help to take them down. It makes the job much easier than risking ourselves to get hurt." Irene took out one of the techs she brought with her and place it on the table earning a whistle from Mason and Felix who looks intrigued by the whole situation.

Naya scoffs and took a seat by Mason's side on the velvet couch where he placed an arm around her waist as she leans into his touch, letting out a tired sigh.

"Lili, anything from the research that might help lighten up the situation here?" Lya asked as Lili nods with her notes in hand.

"From the research, we did earlier - Unfortunately, the group of supernatural we are coming up against are very very strong. There was stated somewhere that certain guns can take them down for a certain period..." She was cut by Nate's voice joining into the conversation.

"and they also can leave quite a pretty painful mark on their victims. If we are careful, we can take them with the agency tranquilizer gun and... unfortunately, dead man's poison." The sour tone that left him made the room quiet - somehow leaving them no choice other than to annihilate them.

"We gotta do whatever it takes, even if it's DMB." Lya states with a solemn tone in her voice - as her eyes met with Mason, who gave her a supportive nod from afar.

"Alright then, it's settled. We will take the DMB, the guns, and anything that we could use to take them down. They've been quite a menace in the town, so let's get ourselves prep and we leave at midnight." Adam's commanding tone fills the room once more, as everyone nods in agreement - before leaving the room to prepare for tonight's mission.

-

Lya and Adam were the only ones left in the room, as the others left for lunchtime. The girls decided to have lunch at Lya's apartment later to taste her 'exquisite cooking' which was quoted from Naya herself.

"How are you feeling about the mission tonight?" She took a seat beside him on the couch, as placed a hand on his back.

"I hope we can take it, it's our last chance, and - I believe we can do it tonight." His gaze softens as it's met with hers before he takes her hand and squeezes it.

"I hope so too. I can't wait for it to be done, and we can at least take a break for the weekend." She lays her head on his shoulder, letting out an exhausted sigh.

Adam nods in agreement, as he places a kiss on her forehead - a smile creeps on Lya's face at the gesture.

"I'll see you tonight, the girls and I are making lunch together." Lya stood up from the couch with adam following by her side, his hand never left hers.

"Let me walk with you there." He replies as she smiles at his words, as they walked into the common area of the warehouse where the others are having quite a fun time together.

-

Mason and Naya were talking in a hushed tone, as the smile on his face tells Lya everything she needs to know. Felix and Irene are in the middle of a battle with Nate in a fuse ball match , which earns a whoop of victory from them both as Nate tries his best to catch up on a win. Lili is stood on the side playing as the referee who lets out a fit of giggles at her boyfriend's antics.

“Who’s winning here mate?” The excitement tone in Lya’s voice is evident as Irene and Felix let out a whoop at another goal as Nate sighs with a small smile on his face.

“Team Irene and Felix leading forward, with 2-0.” Liliana announced as Lya stood beside Nate, joining him in the action.

Both teams manage to pick up their pace, as they ended up with 3-2, with Irene and Felix leading in as always.

“Good game everyone!” Liliana announces excitedly before making her way towards Nate and hugging him, and a kiss as a congratulation.

As Felix and Irene spun each other excitedly, as he kissed her - a victory kiss they say.

“Good job teammate,” Lya said as he pulled Nate into a wide hug also, with Irene and Felix taunting excitedly at their victory.

“We will come back for vengeance soon!” Lya replies in an exaggerated tone in her voice, as she gave them both a victory hug – before Naya and Mason join in the conversation.

“What is this the physical affectionate festival?” She teases the group, as Irene fires back.

“Speak for yourself, Naya.” She raises a teasing eyebrow her way before Naya lets out a laugh at the statement.

“Shut up.” Irene just smiles, as Naya scoots forward as she ruffles her hair making her let out a groan with the smile still intact on her face.

“Let’s get going, we will see you all tonight alright? Anything just calls us, we will get here as soon as we can.” Lya reminds them, as the four of them left the warehouse together in a fit of laughter.

“Our lives certainly has become more interesting with them around huh?” Felix stated with a wide smile, as Nate nods in agreement.

“Interesting is one word to say it. Now, let's get ourselves some rest before tonight.” Nate leads all of them back into the warehouse with a wide smile, as they prepare together for the mission.

-

Lya stands behind the counter, preparing their meals with Liliana by her side. Lili found herself setting the tables while Naya and Irene are making their way to the table.

“So, how are we feeling for tonight?” Lya asked, before taking a sip of soda.

“I’m pretty excited, those guns are prepared and loaded; ready to use!” Irene exclaims excitedly as she took a seat in one of the chairs, with Naya joining her on to opposite.

“Honestly, I feel like we will finally win something today. Well, hopefully.” Liliana said hopefully, as Lya nods in agreement.

“Let’s hope our plan and prepare enough, I don’t want any of you to get hurt,” Naya stated suddenly, as Lya smiles at the statement while Irene lets out a gasp (mockingly) as Naya rolls her eyes.

“Naya does care about us guys!” Irene wipes a fake tear that has fallen from her eye with a form, as Liliana lets out a fit of giggles.

“Guys, enough – stop teasing her. We love you too N.” Lya replies, as they started to eat together, talking about everything and nothing at once.

-

“Okay guys, let’s do this!” Naya took the lead, as they all are in position. Everything is ready, as they fought – as much as they could. They released the dmb, every weapon and skills were use as Everyone played their part. Everything falls according to plan - the bruises and cuts were proven as the aftermath of the situation.

-

“So, I think that’s the last of them….” Lya stated as she gestures upon the rest of the supernaturals which have been fought by them all.

“Lili, any sign of other beings tonight?” Adam asked through the agency radios as they split up with Lili and Felix at the other side, guarding it all.

“Nothing – the coast is clear. Good job guys! Felix and I are on our way.” Lili’s voice echoed from the agency radio, as Lya, Irene, and Naya pulled one another into a group hug.

“We did it, and we survive!” Irene yells before was met with a glare from Adam which says, ‘tone down’ as she zips her mouth immediately which follows with a fit of giggles from the others.

“Are you guys hurt???” Felix came and made his way to Irene who shakes her head in excitement.

“We are fine Felix, a bit battered and bruised – but, we came in one piece. Thankfully, the number of supernatural has decreased from tonight, but we should still be careful in case there’s more hiding in plain sight.” Lya replies as the others turn their heads around their environment, as Mason scoots forward using his hyper-senses to sense any unusual activity which thankfully is none.

Naya stood beside Mason, as they walked together forward.

“You okay?” He asked her, as she nods – letting out a yawn.

“Just exhausted, and I’m ready for this day to be over.” The tiredness can is true, as Mason stops her before offering a ride on his back, which shakes her wide awake from her sleepy situation.

“Are you sure?”

“Sweetheart, I’m sure. Let’s go, climb up here.”

"Wait, I forget one thing" she said, before giving him a kiss, as he smiles happily before she climb onto his back, as they lead the crew back to the SUV.

-

“Those two look very much comfortable there.” Irene wiggles her eyebrows as Lya nudges her shoulder.

“Naya deserves to the urm…special treatment, as she did took down a lot of them.” Adam states as Lya nods in agreement.

“Babe, if you wanna be carried as well – you should just ask.” Felix raised an eyebrow at Irene before a smug smile appeared on her face.

“Well, you need to catch me first babe.” Irene speeds down the road with an unexpected surge of energy in her.

“You’re on!” Felix yells before following her from behind – as they race their way to the SUV almost colliding with Naya and Mason far ahead.

Nate lets out a fit of laughter at the pair,

“I am confused on how much energy those two have even after battling a supernatural.”

Lili smiles before explaining,

“I think it’s the caffeine she took earlier before the mission – she might have the boost of unexpected energy despite it being…4 in the morning.”

“She’ll crash as soon as we reach the back, I’m very much certain of that.” Lya continues, as Lili stays behind with Nate.

-

“How are you feeling, did anything hurt?” Liliana asked with concern in her tone.

“Love, I’m okay. A bit exhausted but, we did our best and we survived.” Nate replies happily as he places an arm around her waist pulling her close to him.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t much help tonight, combat wasn’t very much my specialty.” Lili’s voice was filled with a hint of sadness, which Nate noted right away.

They both stop in their tracks, as Lili turns to face him – he is smiling at her.

“Lili, it's okay. We all have our strengths and weaknesses – and you did help us today. Both you and Felix played a vital part in our mission as well.” He grazes her cheek, as she smiles before leaning up with her tiptoes reaching his lips.

After pulling away, they walk hand-in-hand with a smile on her face as they spoke in hushed whispers together, making their way towards the others.

-

“C’mon slow-poke, we’ve been waiting for an hour now.” Felix teases Adam who took out the keys for the SUV, as they went their separate ways with the detectives taking Lya’s car.

“We should stay at the warehouse tonight, it's much safer there,” Lya states, as they follow the SUV from behind – making their way back to the warehouse.

As they arrived, they went on separate paths – as Naya joins Mason, while Irene and Felix walking together to their respective rooms – with Irene still teasing Naya along the way.

“Good night Lya, we will see you tomorrow.” Liliana hugged both Lya and Adam who is still getting used to the sudden gesture, as they bid goodnight.

-

“So, how are you feeling after everything?” Lya asked Adam, as they walked together back into his room where they will share for the night. As they start to finally be together, they have gotten comfortable with one another – and she enjoys the time she spends with him. Sometimes they would talk about their stories or anything – there was laughter behind the closed doors and it's their secret moments that made her smile.

“I’m glad it ended up the way it should – nobody was hurt and, well…you are safe.” He says the last bit slowly, as Lya smiles at the words.

“I am capable Adam, you need to trust me on that.” She sighs, as they stopped in front of his door.

“I know, I do. Always.” He says, as they ended up cuddling together – as Adam tells her a story about the knight's tale from the past, which intrigues her until they both fall into a slumber.

-

“A celebration!”

“A…celebration?” Lili asked stumbling into the kitchen while a yawn escapes her.

“Yeah, a celebration! Lya can cook and we can have a fun celebration with smores – we been fighting them for a while now, we deserve a celebration.” Irene explains as Naya joins the gang, as she saunters the group in a good mood.

“Good morning, yes – let’s celebrate.”

Lya raised a knowing eyebrow at her, before agreeing.

“Let’s do this. I’ll call Adam and we can divide and conquer.”

-

As the evening rolls, they are sat in front of a bonfire with the courtesy of Adam and Nate.

The food was set, there were also smores on the side as they all sat down together around the bonfire – as the stars above them shine brightly.

Felix and Irene were cuddled up together with a blanket around them, as the others follow suit.

“So, this is the end of a good mission then,” Naya said from her seat, as a smile is present on her lips.

“All’s well that end’s well.” Lya raised a glass of her drink with a smile on her face.

Lili pop a marshmallow in her mouth, as they all settled.

“Y’know as much as I love the madness of our missions together – this is the highlight,” Irene admits, as she leans into Felix’s shoulder as he places a kiss on top of her forehead.

"Look who is emotional now huh" She teases her, as Irene stuck out her tongue to her with the smile become much wider than before.

“It’s a peaceful night, and from what we have been doing – we deserve this,” Mason speaks up, as Naya smiles at him.

“I longed for more nights like this, just us together – no missions, no equipment, just us,” Lya adds as the others agree.

“Let's make a promise then, every once in a while – we would do this all over again. Tonight, the stars have aligned for us, and who knows when will it be next.” Nate stated as he attempts on making smores with Liliana as his assistant.

“I very much agree, it's not every day we got to be together like this. It feels…” Lya paused for a moment, meeting Adam’s eyes who nod at her in agreement.

“It feels right.” As Adam's words ring into the air. The night continues as they celebrate their wins and mistakes. Laughter fills the night, as the stars become the witness of the night - the sky shines a bit brighter for them all tonight.

As the definition of the celebration itself is to celebrate an important day or event. Tonight was a night to remember, a moment of celebration for the whole gang and they wouldn’t have it any other way.

THE END.

Tags: @wayhavenots @homeformyheart @takemyopenheart @winterkeys @mevnraels @coldshrugs @nathanielhsewell @detectivehathaway @lalizah @kelseaaa

[sepublic]

Lilith’s Recovery

            Rambling on how Lilith could begin her road to recovery in Season 2; Get this lady some friends and people in her life that AREN’T Eda, please! For her entire life, Lilith has constantly narrowed down her vision to only herself and Eda, and everything she does or views about herself is more or less in relation to Eda- Be it being better than Eda, being weaker as penance for the curse, curing Eda of the curse, Eda’s disconnect from the Emperor’s Coven is clearly about her feelings towards Lilith and not the system, paying only attention to how Eda is affected and not everybody else…

           The woman has constantly used Eda as a litmus test for, well, just about everything. Lilith needs to learn that there’s more to life than Eda, that she can make other friends besides Eda… She needs to learn some independence, because it seems like she doesn’t know how to function as her own person. Lilith is always latching onto someone… In the end, helping teach Lilith to make new friends, to form active connections and expand her support network- That’s a good thing!

           Lilith needs to learn not to compare herself to Eda so much… Nor compare herself to anyone else, for that matter! The Coven System is toxic in part because it’s always comparing individuals and attempting to sort them out into some sort of hierarchy, instead of letting people exist as they are, unique in their own way but not necessarily better! Obviously Lilith has her own things she wants to be good at, of course…

           Which gets me onto another point! Get this girl some hobbies. Get this girl any activities that aren’t solely about Eda, let Lilith learn to enjoy herself on her own, and with other people. Let Lilith recognize that she can enjoy life without necessarily needing the approval of this ONE person, even if she shouldn’t completely disregard them either (unless they’re a total asshole like Belos). And, I think it’d help to get Lilith to find hobbies and things to do that aren’t necessarily useful or pragmatic –even if she definitely has to help with chores too- because the Coven System, again… It tells kids that their interests aren’t valid unless they serve some sort of pragmatic use, that kids need to constantly focus on being useful, and not just being happy with themselves- That they need to actively justify their passions in life!

           I’m sure Lilith would LOVE to simplify the answer of what do with her own existence, by devoting herself completely to Eda and the others… But in the end, it’s not going to truly fix things. She needs to learn to live for herself, to just enjoy things withut having to justify herself for it. That isn’t to say whatever hobbies she finds can’t be useful, because I don’t want to place any limitations on her either… And similarly, that doesn’t mean Lilith shouldn’t help at all, period, especially since she definitely has a lot of damage she needs to repair. But she needs to learn that once the damage has been dealt with, she’s allowed to simply just exist on her own. In general, I think just emotionally healing Lilith, helping build up her sense of self-worth and confidence, making her happier… I think it’ll be a decent catalyst for character development, because one doesn’t do terrible things –at least not usually- because they’re in a good mood and aren’t questioning themselves.

           Similarly, getting to know other people can expand and broaden Lilith’s worldview, and teach her not to be apathetic to others. She needs to see that her consequences have actions not JUST with Eda, but other people, like Amity, Luz, King, etc. An apology here or there would help, but Lilith also needs to recognize and admit how messed-up the Coven System is, the corruption and wrongdoings of Belos, etc. For decades, Eda couldn’t truly reconcile with Lilith because of her support and enforcement of a horrible system… She didn’t know about the curse until VERY recently! Lilith needs to see and acknowledge the decisions that Eda made, that she has her own agency and that Lilith isn’t entitled to everything her sister does.

           Just as Lilith shouldn’t devote everything to Eda, Eda shouldn’t do the same vice-versa. Eda DID love Lilith, but she has more to her life than just her sister, and can’t dedicate all of her actions and time to helping Lilith. It doesn’t have to be just the two girls VS the world, there a lot of people willing to extend a hand to help, and there are plenty of hands that Lilith and Eda have to offer themselves. Lilith needs to recognize that just as she herself is personally at fault for a lot of things (even if the system certainly didn’t help), Eda also had plenty of agency herself… And by recognizing the power of agency, Lilith can learn to appreciate the ability to make a choice to be better, and do good things.

           Really, it seems like the girl has torn herself down too much, beneath her mask of pride and supposed superiority! Making someone feel way worse isn’t going to teach them to constructively fix things, it seems- That’s just destructive. One should focus instead on building up Lilith as a character, telling her that she messed up but also that she can at least work to repair things… Like Luz with Amity, she can fix this- Maybe not her own, maybe together with others? At the very least, Lilith can choose to stop doing bad things- That’s a good start and she seems to have begun THAT at least!

           It also helps to better hammer it into Lilith’s head, that she needs to confront issues, or at least acknowledge them… That sweeping things under the rug isn’t going to help. You can’t be a coward forever… Lilith needs to recognize the ugly truth of situations before she can improve upon them, or else accept them- Otherwise she only has herself to blame for quietly suffering. And while obviously if Lilith DOES make mistakes and relapse here or there, and she should still give herself some room for forgiveness, it’s ultimately for the chance to make things right, and NOT keeping making mistakes, or at least fix the effects of past ones. Lilith is going to have to be a lot more considerate about things…

           And, I know I said it before- But I think some interactions with King would be great! I wouldn’t be shocked if he continued to be more open and receptive to Lilith for a wide number of reasons… But it’s not out of the question for him to maintain hostility, as he was ALSO critical of himself for the same mistakes he saw in Lilith, not to mention Lilith WAS technically ‘on the other side’, did worse, and isn’t literal physical danger. I think with King, Lilith could learn to vent and acknowledge her own darker feelings and insecurities, maybe recognize that she’s not a complete monster for having them… And from there, actually work on these things! King knows what the road looks like, he can give Lily a lot of guidance on whether or not she’s messing up or relapsing, about being honest with how you feel… Learning that you don’t have to be above others nor compare yourself, etc.

           Again, a lot of this is King’s choice as well- He doesn’t exactly owe Lilith anything. While he could definitely help A LOT with Lilith, I feel… He’s also allowed to bear a grudge, too. Or, at least not want to put in the effort to ‘fix’ Lilith… It’s important for Lilith to recognize that trying to make up for things doesn’t erase them and that lingering feelings are valid. But at the same time, it doesn’t HAVE to be hopeless… And even if it is, well. You still have other connections to maintain, more connections to make if you wanted… And on your own, one is a worthwhile individual as-is.

           Maybe when the dust has somewhat settled, perhaps we can see Lilith air a grievance or two, because even if she HAS messed up a lot, that doesn’t mean she has zero judgment and nothing to offer… If Eda was too harsh in the past in her own way (not that it would remotely justify the curse), maybe it’d help Lilith AND Eda, for Lilith to bring this up as another reason as to her crippling insecurity. Eda is receptive, she’s willing to learn from Luz who’s merely fourteen, she knows that she alone does not hold all of the knowledge in the world…

           And while obviously Lilith is a lot more sus as a formerly-blind enforcer of the Emperor’s Coven, I wouldn’t be shocked if Eda blamed herself a little for not ‘rescuing’ her sister… For not leading Lilith down the right path alongside her, or at least away from blind devotion to Belos of all people. But I think if Eda had her moments of imperfection that could’ve contributed to Lilith’s poor decisions, then that should be addressed, at least for Lilith AND Eda’s good, so Eda can better understand what happened with her sister and how to avoid this again, be it with Lilith or anyone else.

           Obviously Lilith has a lot of personal culpability amidst the system making things worse… But I think it’d be good for both sisters, for Eda to at least understand a grievance or two of Lilith’s. That neither is necessarily perfect, and not ‘better’ than the others… (Granted I don’t blame Eda for proclaiming superiority back when Lilith implied her own inferiority as justification for using Luz as a hostage, that seemed more in retaliation than a genuine belief- And let’s be real, she WAS better in the sense that serving the EC is objectively bad).

           It’s interesting to me. I think Lilith needs to recognize/learn where she’s good at, in her own things, in her own way… Maybe not necessarily that she’s better at some things than Eda is. Granted, it’s easy to tell Lilith not to compare herself and be happy with who she is, when one is at the top… Lilith still DOES have legitimate insecurity. And it might not be just enough, nor healthy, to simply have her be ‘resigned’ to being worse… Because again, nobody is better or worse, we’re all equal here. Though, it’s worth noting that even if Eda WAS better than Lilith, that doesn’t mean Eda should actively hinder herself just for Lilith’s own feelings, that’s not fair to Eda... Especially since Eda low-key already held herself back in the past, to let Lilith into the Emperor’s Coven. Eda should be allowed to pursue the full scope of things she enjoys to the fullest, without worrying about holding herself down to Lilith’s level, just for Lilith’s sake. Plus, Lilith was already better than most (she became Head of the Emperor’s Coven after all), it just apparently wasn’t enough to be among the best- She had to be THE best, or at least better than Eda, which ties back to what I said about Lilith to narrowing her existence and worldview to just the two of them.

           Lilith can still compete with Eda like old times, but in a healthy sense… That her entire self-worth isn’t based on it. That she’s still good at other things. And I think maybe Eda needs to step back for a moment, and help reassure Lily of this… That she never thought lesser of her for being ‘weaker’ (or at least she won’t anymore), that her issue came from Lilith being a covenscout and hurting actual people. But still, Lilith is also her own person who is unique and has her own individual worth, she isn’t ‘replaceable’ and she needs to recognize how she accomplishes this… Be it through whatever emotional connections she can provide and receive from others, her own personal interests and skills, etc.

           I don’t expect the road to recovery to be linear, ideal, nor efficient. Not that it CAN’T be, but these characters ARE just like the rest of us in that they’re not perfect and just trying their best. Amidst shenanigans, plot-events, and maybe having to be pragmatic and make Lilith be useful now and then… Well, they say progress isn’t linear. I suppose that could mean that there is no one, right path to recovery and character development. The cast may not get to immediately address Lilith in a super-efficient, meaningful manner, stuff may just happen… But at least an effort should be made, and that alone can be good. The fact that you’re trying means a lot in the end.

[blisslilywrites]

they’re not you.

#knbvdaychallenge2020

– Day 7 of KNB Valentine’s Week hosted by @vanilla-daydreams and @theuglycrybaby

A/N: Aaa this is the last day of the challenge. I hope everyone had fun with this cuz I know I definitely did. On a slightly different note...

          HAPPY BIRTHDAY ADMIN BLISS!!!  

I know I gave you a gift already but here’s another one cuz why not hehe. ~Lily

Summary: You and Kise were the best of friends, but you had a secret crush on him for the longest time. However, with so many of his fans around him on Valentine’s Day, you start to get even more discouraged...

Your alarm clock just had to be broken today, the day you had a test during the first period no less. 

You quickly grabbed your bag and ran out the door. 

What’s even worse was that you burned a hole in your uniform too. 

Dammit, mom’s gonna kill me.

Groaning, you hurriedly made your way to the train station and thanked the heavens when you saw the train hadn’t left yet. 

You boarded and moved to the back of the train, where there weren’t as many people. The train doors closed behind you and you shivered slightly. 

You reached into your bag for your jacket but didn’t find it there. Then you remembered that you left them in your room this morning when you hurried out.

You groaned inwardly. 

Guess today’s gonna be a bad day for me. Should’ve expected it. I never have much luck on Valentine’s Day anyway.

You looked out of one of the train windows and couldn’t help but smile. The view may not be beautiful to everyone but it was to you. It was a view that just filled you with a calming sense of nostalgia.

Even today, with everything going wrong so far, it still somehow managed to calm you down, to some extent at least. 

“You’re always being such a worrywart y/n-chi”

His words suddenly came to mind. 

Just like the view from the train window, he’s one of the few things, or rather people, that could actually get you to smile and relax. 

It’s not that you weren’t a relaxed person. It’s just that a lot of the people you were with, your friends and classmates at school, somehow brought out a tenser side to you. 

That all changed when you met with Kise Ryouta though. Since the moment you two first talked, something just clicked. The two of you became really close and stuck together through thick and thin. He was what you deemed a really good friend, a best friend even. 

Suddenly, your phone started ringing. You picked it up and to no surprise was greeted by Kise’s panicked voice.

“Y/n-chiii, where are you? Assembly just finished and class is about to start. Sensei also seems like he’s in a bad mood today. You better hurryyy.”

“Oh great... sorry Ryouta. My alarm clock broke and my uniform got burned and ughh I’m not really having the best start for today. But I’m on the train to school and I think I can make it in like 10 minutes max.”

“Ok. Just hurry though, I don’t wanna have to do this test myself.”

“Ryouta, you’re gonna have to do it on your own anyway.”

“I know,” he whined. “It’s just that I feel more confident when you’re around.”

Your heart swooned at this. Yes, yes, here you were in the classic “in love with best friend but can’t tell him for fear of losing him” situation.

“Oh crap. Class started. Gotta go. Hurry. Please. Byeee.”

“Right. Almost the��”

He suddenly hung up on you. You understood though. Your first class teacher was pretty strict and is almost always in a bad mood.

A few seconds later, you felt the train slow to a stop. You sighed in relief as you realized this was your stop. Quickly gathering your things, you made a beeline for the exit and ran the rest of the way to school.

-----

“How’d you think you did?” Kise asked you after class ended. 

You had made it with just enough time to quickly finish the test. you didn’t have time to double-check the answers but at least you were able to complete it. 

“I think I did good enough. I mean I did study a lot last night and the test wasn’t that bad so I guess it should be fine. How about you?”

“Well I have a great tutor so I’m sure I did good too,” he replied, winking at you.

A small blush crept up to your face. 

Arghh, why’d he have to be all flirty and cute all the time?

As you were trying to calm yourself, a girl you’ve seen a few times before walked up to you and Kise. Completely ignoring you, she told Kise to come with her as she had “something important” she wanted to discuss with him.

You rolled your eyes. 

Kise looked at you as if asking for permission. You told him it’s fine and to go with her. 

“I’ll wait for you in class,” you said with a forced smile.

It was the same every year. Valentine’s Day just seems to give everyone ten times more confidence. 

It honestly scares you a bit though. Even though Kise kept saying there wasn’t anyone he really liked, you kept worrying that maybe, one day, someone would come and steal his heart. 

What’s even worse is that you were the main reason Kise was so popular.

It had started around middle school when puberty began to change Kise. At the time you were into photography and had also noticed how he had become much more attractive.

Knowing he was a naturally photogenic person and wouldn’t mind helping you out, you asked him to model a few pics for you. You posted them on social media and he immediately became a big hit. He told you he had fun doing it with you so you guys continued. Until of course, a professional agency scouted him. You two have still stayed close friends through it all though.

You’d always find it funny how much of a cliche the situation you were in was. 

Girl meets boy. Girl helps boy become successful model. Boy becomes popular with the ladies. Boy meets another girl and falls for her. Girl is left heartbroken as she’s had feelings for him this entire time.

At this point, you’ve kinda accepted it already. You did want to tell him how you really felt, but you valued your friendship with him way more. So that’s why you just enjoyed whatever time you had with Kise. That in itself was already more than enough to you.You took a seat in the classroom and took out your materials, waiting for Kise.

You tried not to think about what was going on between him and that girl because, despite everything, you still can’t help but get jealous. It’s only natural but it’s a hell of an annoying feeling and you knew it would only get worse if you fixated too much on it. 

Kise finally came to class a second before the bell rang. He held a small heart-shaped box in his hands. You glared at it but tried your best to hide your jealousy. 

Fortunately, Kise didn’t notice anything off and quickly came to sit beside you. 

-----

The rest of the day went by the same as every other Valentine’s. Kise would receive gift after gift and have to deal with all his fangirls and even some fanboys.

Today though, there seemed to be an extra amount of people giving him gifts, which you didn't think was possible.

Because everyone was always crowding around him, you decided to leave him for now. You felt kinda bad for him but there wasn’t exactly much you could do. Besides, you’d probably make things worse for him by being there. 

When school ended, you waited at the train station for Kise. You remembered he said there wasn’t any basketball practice today and you were hoping the two of you could go home together. You had sent him a text telling him you’d wait for him here. 

After waiting almost an hour though, you just about gave up and was about to board the next train when you heard a voice calling out to you.

“Y/n-chii! Wait!” 

You turned and saw him running up to you. He had a few chocolates, roses, and even a teddy bear in his arms. He came to stop in front of you, panting.

“I’m sorry for making you wait,” he said sounding sincere.

You tried to give him a sympathetic smile. “Well, I’m assuming you were probably cornered by those love-crazed people again so don’t worry about it. It’s not your fault anyway,” you said more bitterly than intended.

Kise fell silent. 

“Y/n? Are you ok?”

“Yeah, sorry. I'm just not really having a good day that’s all”

“Oh ok…”

Not knowing what to say you both stayed quiet.

You looked at the sign by the train tracks. There were 3 minutes left until the next train arrived. Kise gestured to an empty bench and the two of you moved to take a seat.

“Y/n,” Kise said softly. “There’s something I want you to know ok?”

You looked at him in slight confusion.

He cleared his throat and continued, “I may get presents and gifts from all those ‘love-crazed people’ as you put it. But none of them matter to me.”

At this, your confusion grew. What’s he trying to say?

“None of them matter, because, well because they’re not you.”

He looked at you, golden eyes shining.

It took you a second to process what he had just said, but when you did, you blushed heavily and quickly looked away.

He laughed, “Don’t be so shy y/n-chi. I thought you already knew anyway.”

“Knew what?” you asked trying to feign innocence.

“Knew that I like you of course,” he said with a suave smile.

“Oh,” your brain seemed to have short-circuited after hearing his words.

“Umm I like you too…” you mumbled lamely.

He smiled widely at you and you blushed back.

“Well if we both like each other I think it’s only right that I ask,” he said before standing up and extending a hand to you.

“Y/n L/n, will you be my valentine?”

You shyly nodded and took his hand, “Of course.”

The train arrived and he pulled you up, putting an arm around you as the two of you boarded the train. 

Needless to say, what had started off as a bad day ended up being one of the best days you’ve had in quite a long while.

[mrsreinhart]

The Women of “Hustlers” on Making “A Female ‘Goodfellas’”

Constance Wu, Keke Palmer and Lili Reinhart discuss playing exotic dancers and getting rid of the “chick flick” label

Lorene Scafaria’s Hustlers fictionalizes the true story of a group of exotic dancers who lured wealthy Wall Street men into unknowingly spending hundreds of thousands of dollars at their strip club. The film, based on journalist Jessica Pressler’s 2015 investigative New York magazine piece, “The Hustlers at Scores,” stars Constance Wu as Destiny, a new dancer struggling to pay rent for the apartment where she cares for her grandmother—until she meets Ramona, played by Jennifer Lopez. Ramona is a single mom and the most successful dancer at the club—but this changes with the market crash of 2008. When the recession hits, Ramona enlists fellow down-and-out dancers Destiny, Mercedes (Keke Palmer) and Annabelle (Lili Reinhart) to help her swindle men into spending big on a night out, with the men forgetting most of the previous night’s transactions come morning because their drinks were laced with ketamine and MDMA. The film’s cast is rounded out by Cardi B, Lizzo and Julia Stiles, who plays a reporter modeled after Pressler.

While some opening weekend attendees might be in it for the salaciousness that a “stripper movie” promises (it certainly does deliver on that front), the heart of Hustlers isn’t so different from any other gang film. The women at the center of the film are bound together by the need for something greater than what they had to begin with, and the wish to make their dreams for themselves and their families a reality by any means necessary. WSJ. spoke with Wu, Palmer and Reinhart at the Four Seasons in Beverly Hills to talk about working on their own version of Goodfellas, and what men really want from movies.

Hollywood depictions of sex workers don’t generally give women much agency. Was it important to you that Hustlers empowered them?

Keke Palmer: I liked that it was balanced because it either goes one of two ways. Either it’s like super, super sad, sad, sad or overly glamorized. When I read this, I felt like it was a balance of both. You had those moments where you thought it might be glamorous and you had those moments like, “Damn, this sh*t is tough.” And so whenever I’m looking at a character or a movie—no matter what the job, no matter who these people are—I want to see balance. This movie gave me that.

Constance Wu: Usually we see one archetype of a woman who is a sex worker or a stripper. And yes, we have racial diversity, but we had diversity in so many other ways—the way you look, the backgrounds of these women and also the different ways that they decided to pursue this job, to make their ends meet.

Lili Reinhart: We all came from such different backgrounds and we all ended up in the same job. So it’s not just this archetype —“Oh, trashy girl from a broken home ends up being a stripper.” That’s such a stereotype. That’s not the case. Women are supporting their children, or supporting themselves or their families, or their families kicked them out. I think strippers will hopefully enjoy our film.

CW: I hope so. Because we tried to humanize them as people. Other movies don’t—they try to portray them as objects or people to move the plot along for the story. We treated all of our characters like humans who have a similar job. That’s only one part of you, your job.

How did the all-female ensemble cast change the vibe on set?

CW: I think it was really freeing. Because it’s different if there’s only one spot for a woman. And then you think, “Oh no—what if I get kicked off?” But when it’s all women, I didn’t have to try to be sexy for guys. I didn’t have to try to pretend like, “Oh I’m one of the guys, I’m cool.” I just got to be myself. And [Jennifer Lopez] set the tone for that pretty well, too, because she’s just so cool.

LR: I’m so happy that this is a movie about women told by a woman, because nothing disturbs me more than a woman’s story told by a man, because it’s through the filter of a man. And so the fact that this was a women’s story told, written and seen through the lens of a woman was powerful.

KP: One of the first things that [Constance] said was, “It’s like a female Goodfellas,” and I’m like “damn right!” Lorene was really serious with the DP on getting those specific shots, those specific angles that you only see men have. It was just like, “Man, girl, thank you for those details. Not only does the script have heart and soul, but visually you’re going for this, you’re giving us a cinematic look. You’re making these women look cool!” That was all specific to show us in powerful positions.

LR: Not even sexy, but powerful. It’s not a slow-motion strut starting from the heels going up, showing the body. It’s the women themselves.

KP: It’s how they would usually do the Wall Street guys. It’s power.

CW: Like sometimes people say “Oh, it’s a woman’s film,” they’ll think that it’s less-than. But I think Lorene did a really good job of choosing a crew who treated the film with the respect of something they were really passionate about, not as like—

KP: “Girl movie.”

CW: Yeah, I mean there’s that term that people like to say: “Chick flick.” And I’m like, “Oh, does that mean every other movie in the world is a d*ck flick?” But that’s just a word used—chick flick—to demean a movie that is about women, and then d*ck flicks are just “flicks.”

LR: Just movies in general.

How is a story where you’re playing out, essentially, a love story with another woman different from one with a man?

KP: It hurt my feelings more when all that stuff went down with Constance’s character and Jennifer’s character.

LR: It’s more devastating.

KP: Way more devastating. I feel like people aren’t going to be pleasantly surprised to see the depth and dynamic of these characters and [that] this story is not just something eye-catching for you like, “Stripping! Fun!” It’s like, “Oh wow, these characters, I care about them. I care about this story.”

CW: It almost hurts more than a romantic thing because it almost feels more pure of a love, because there’s not the transaction of sex. The feeling of being forgiven—it’s a good feeling because it’s accepting that we all mess up, and that we’re still people who are worthy of love. And Jen—I couldn’t have done any of this without [her]. That was really just a two-way street; just the fact that she was so open and caring.

Was there anything challenging for you to do in the film?

KP: I think every girl secretly in their mind is ready to get on stage and see if they’ve got what it takes. I think most people would expect [dancing] to be the most challenging. But I think even the shyest person, if they had the opportunity to play a role like this or be in a situation like this—it’s like “Hell, if I’m going to do it somewhere, I might as well do it in a huge film.” I think those parts were exciting. It could be seen as challenging, but what I was excited about was to sit in this sexy place that I’ve never really sat in before. I don’t really think of myself as a sexy type of chick. And so it was cool to play with what that would look like for the camera.

LR: I feel like deep inside, every woman feels the need to get on a pole at least once. I think you grow up and you’re like “Oh, that’s what sexy is.” And you just want to try it. And truly, [to Constance] I’m sure you took probably more pole dancing lessons than I did, but it was just fun. And you’re like, “Damn, I look good!”

CW: I was just thinking when you said like every woman wants to get on the pole—at first I was like, “No, I don’t think so.” But then I was like thinking about it, and why that might be true. And if you think about it, these women are owning their sexuality, which is something we are shamed for, starting at puberty, we’re supposed to make ourselves—you either have to be the Madonna or the whore, and you can’t win either way. You’re not sexy enough; you’re too sexy. And I think when you’re on a stage and you’re dancing and you’re just owning your sexiness in the way that you want to do it, I think that is a thing that inside probably every woman—person—wants to do.

Do you think anyone who goes to see the film solely for the “stripper movie!” factor will be disappointed?

KP: Look, Jennifer gave you the show that you’re looking for right in the beginning. She gives you what we never thought we’d see. She gave us the most spectacular performance that I have ever seen a stripper do. I’ve gone to a lot of strip clubs.

CW: Me too. And I’m going to say something real cheesy right now, but I do believe it’s true: People might say they’re looking for t*ts, but I think they’re looking for heart. And they’re just saying tits because it’s a less vulnerable thing to need, to say. It’s cooler and more macho to objectify women. But at the end of the day, all humans want—

LR: They relate to stories about love.

CW: —is connection.

KP: Without a doubt. Every guy that I’ve watched The Notebook with has loved it.

[unklarity]

Critical Role: Beau

“Click “keep reading” for more photos and a description of my Beau magic box! :)

Over the course of CR2, I was totally blindsided by how much I grew to love Beau, so I was both excited and nervous to make a box for her. I actually made the whole box on paper first (which I have never done before). I think that on some level, I was procrastinating because if I never started, I couldn’t screw it up. After having numerous Beau conversations with some amazing people (special thank you to @alemongrenade​, who helped me to turn my Beau feelings into real words), I was able to pin down some themes for her, but it took a while to flesh them out and really get to a point where I was comfortable with them. I ended up focusing on the difference between Beau’s perception of herself and how others perceive her, the way that perception influences her actions, and how that perception was developed.

I have a bad habit where I always feel the need to one-up myself, especially since I’m always learning new techniques and ways to do things, so I tend to want to incorporate all the things I learn into everything. With Beau, though, I wanted to keep it simple. “I’m a simple girl, simple needs,” to quote her introduction. I think Beau is very simple, on the outside, and I wanted the physical box to reflect that veneer of simplicity. Everyone always underestimates her, thinks there isn’t much more to her than a girl who has a problem with authority. So the box is plain, only decorated on the outside with the Cobalt Soul symbol, and yet the contents are varied and complex. (I love a good extended metaphor haha)

One of the reasons I struggled with Beau was her lack of concrete imagery at the beginning of the campaign. While I appreciated her simplicity from a fan standpoint, it was tough to come up with motifs to fit the box. I really wanted to reference her frustration with not being able to see in the dark and how much of a game-changer her Goggles of Night were. My first thought was a glow-in-the-dark message since I was having a hard time finding something more concrete, and even though I eventually did find a perfect pair of miniature silver goggles, I still wanted to include a glow-in-the-dark element, which ended up meshing perfectly with her jade All-Seeing Eye tattoo.

I painted the tattoo in the inside lid and added a clear, matte glow-in-the-dark paint over the top. You can see in the photo below how it looks in the light and in the dark! It’s one of my favorite parts of the box :)

Stones:

I wanted to stick to the Cobalt Soul color scheme of blues and greys as much as possible, so I wanted to use as many blue stones as I could. For a focus stone, I picked a gorgeous electric blue apatite tower. Apatite clears away guilt, confusion, apathy or negativity and helps expand one’s intellect and desire for knowledge and truth. It also represents positive use of personal power to achieve goals, encouraging you to accept yourself as you really are, and to gain greater self confidence. What I thought was interesting about this stone is that the meaning of the word Apatite relates to the Greek word 'apatao', which means 'to deceive'. Now, that’s probably due to the stone being mistaken for other minerals, but I thought it fit well with Beau not being easy to read, people thinking she’s shifty or lying even when she’s being honest, and her troubles with outwardly showing genuine emotions.

I also included a tiny Jade owl to represent wisdom, balance, perspective, and learning to be comfortable with showing your true self (and because I, too, wish Professor Thaddeus could have been Beau’s awesome owl sidekick).

The rest of the stones in the box are:

Fluorite- focus, intelligence, aids in meditation and helps with finding peace with oneself

Labradorite- transformation, becoming, being more true to who you are, help banishing fears/insecurities while enhancing faith and reliance in oneself;

Aquamarine - courage, freedom, and communication

Honey Calcite- clarity of insight/action, confidence, intellectual power

Rose quartz - forgiving oneself, learning to accept love, alleviating fear and sorrow/resentment

Blue aventurine - moving past trauma/letting go of emotional baggage, endurance, help saying what you mean, inner strength, passion/determination, gaining  control of anger and emotion, using it to help you

Hematite- grounding, cooperation (fighting in cooperation with spellcasters), fighting up close and personal (associated with martial artists), help talking your way out of situations

Tourmalated Quartz- hardness/tough exterior, help when feeling trapped/cornered. provides security when there is fear of failure, courage and self-acceptance in the learning process. Help with self sabotaging. Good for discipline and meditation. Help dealing with anger/self loathing/bitterness

Sodalite-help being less critical of oneself and help calming internal conflict

Celestite- clarity, intuition, and openness to things out of your comfort zone (also divine energy as a reference to Caduceus’ Holy Weapon spell)

And that’s it for stones!

Potions:

There are 6 potions, each labeled with a number on the bottom. The first three are in the photo below, in order from left to right:

The first potion is centered around Beau’s perception of herself, and how that’s been influenced by her interactions with others. Inside the bottle are lemon balm and basil for self hatred, peony for shame and anger, yellow carnation for disdain, heather for solitude and only being able to rely on herself/carry burdens herself, marigold for feeling like she has to constantly fight to prove herself worthy of love (“love you have to fight for”), nettle for insecurity and perceived insincerity, pine for low self worth, lotus for rebelling against authority, purple hyacinth for guilt/feeling like she has to apologize for being herself, and yellow hyacinth for comparing yourself to others/not thinking you’re special. Sealed with silver wax and a lotus flower stamp with blue pigment.

The second potion is a direct contrast to the first, dealing with other people’s perception of Beau and how she really is. There’s acorn for wisdom despite youth, sunflower for wisdom/loyalty, nutmeg for intelligence/wit, cedar for resilience and strength, pansy for thoughtfulness, thyme for loyalty, affection, attracting the good opinion of others, and courage in the face of adversity, gladiolus for strength of character, faithfulness, and honor, and dogwood for deep devotion and keeping confidence. Sealed with silver wax and a sunflower stamp with blue pigment.

The third potion represents the Cobalt Soul and what it means to Beau at different points in the campaign. At the beginning, the Soul is just another cage, someone else trying to impose their will on Beau, but as the story goes on, her goals and theirs start to line up. Dairon is the first authority figure we see give Beau a real chance while also managing to earn her respect, making the Cobalt Soul something that Beau can be a part of instead of something she’s trying to run from. In this potion we have tarragon for struggling to regain independence, chamomile for shedding outside influence, anise for using knowledge as power/to protect yourself/to get what you want, gum arabic for meditation, lilac for wisdom/memory/unlocking potential, rosemary for mental alertness/perception, violet for guarding against deception, lily for freedom and no longer feeling trapped, green tourmaline for calming the mind and increasing abilities/confidence, chrysocolla chips for empowerment and adaptability, and jasmine for appreciation, calming, and developing confidence. Sealed with silver wax and a Cobalt Soul stamp with blue pigment.

The next photo shows potions four through six, in order from left to right.:

Potion number four represents Beau’s past and how it affects her life currently. Before meeting the Mighty Nein, Beau grew up with parents who constantly tried to make her into something she wasn’t; her criminal background was a direct result of Beau rebelling against that control, and we see throughout the campaign that her intense distrust of authority figures still follows her wherever she goes. As time goes on, she does do a lot of growing up and letting go, and yet the way she was treated in the past still informs many of her present decisions and actions. In this potion, there’s lavender for ingrained distrust and problems between parent & child, dandelion for overcoming hardship, sage & cypress for grief and loss, amaranth for help recovering from trauma, black salt for being controlled/told what to be, yellow rose for betrayal, yarrow for regaining agency, mint for trying to atone for the past (Specifically, her guilt and criminal background vs. adopting Molly’s philosophy of leaving places better than you find them after his death), and barberry for freeing oneself from the power/control of another. Sealed with silver wax and a rosemary with blue pigment.

The fifth potion centers around Beau’s fears and struggles (fear of people leaving her, of not being good enough, struggle with being friendly/charismatic, being soft, struggle with presentation). There’s rue for regrets and obsessing over past mistakes, poppy for carrying a traumatic period in your life with you and letting it affect your actions, hydrangea for apparent aggression and being “bad at people,” cinquefoil for desire to be eloquent/wise/self confident, snapdragon for feeling like she has to lie because that would be better than being herself, gardenia for difficulty trusting others/letting people in, violet for importance of outward appearance (being in control of your own presentation and aesthetic and how important that is for Beau), amethyst for fear of being abandoned, garnet for help shedding guilt/sharing burdens, redeeming oneself, and struggling with responsibility (taking so many of the M9’s failures as her own personal responsibility). Sealed with silver wax and a fists stamp with blue pigment.

The sixth and final potion deals with the people around Beau and how she grows by learning lessons from others, both members of the Mighty Nein and the people they cross paths with. Just as in all the rest of the M9 boxes I’ve done so far, there are cloves for camaraderie and being improved by friends, one for each member of the group. There’s also red carnation and basil for brother-sister bonds with Caleb and Fjord, skullcap for willful commitment (found family), zinnia for remembering absent friends (Molly), sweet pea for chaos and adventure (in particular the Jester-Nott-Beau “chaos crew”), magnolia for loyalty, rose quartz for learning to accept love, and bluebell for friendship and slowly growing to be comfortable with being more truthful/open with people. Sealed with silver wax and a rosemary stamp with blue pigment.

That’s it for the potions! Next are the rest of the box’s miscellaneous contents:

So before I even got a box for Beau, I knew there had to be ball bearings in it. There are about a hundred, minus any that managed to escape while I took this picture :)

In the tiny blue pouch, there are gold coins for Beau’s role initial role as group treasurer, along with aforementioned ball bearings, a worn out old Circus flyer, and a set of  21 miniature Major Arcana tarot cards - the 22nd card, the Moon, is in my Jester box. Attached to the tie of the pouch are a silver pair of goggles with purple lenses to represent her Goggles of Night.

Also in the box are Beau’s staff, and her super secret book of important monk notes. Tucked into the book’s closure is a tiny hand-stamped coin with one of my favorite serious Beau quotes, “I don’t want us to drive each other away.”

Below are some close ups of the wax seals so you can see them better:

Thanks so much for reading! That’s it for Beau. Below are some close ups of the whole box at different angles, plus the quote I engraved on the bottom: “You are a good friend to have and a terrible enemy to make.”

I really had a great time working on Beau and I hope you love her as much as I do!

You can check my “magic boxes” tag to see the rest of my M9 boxes, or you can see them on my website at unklarity (dot) com! 

<3

[mcnished]

So last week De Limburger published a pretty great interview with Robin Frijns, so I tried to translate it. Short warning, I’m no professional translator so the translation won’t be perfect. It’s a long one folks, so get yourself some coffee because you’ll need it. All the credits go to the original author, except for the translation, which is mine. 

Robin Frijns puts past behind him: “Formula 1 was very unfair for me.”

Yes, he admits he had been jealous when Max Verstappen rapidly broke through in Formula 1. Why didn’t he get the chance? But Robin Frijns has put the past behind him. “Sometimes I think: would Formula 1 have made me happy? All those fake friends, everyone trying to profit from your success.”

Right in the hallway of his lily-white, freestanding house in Lanaken, a little across the border at Maastricht, it becomes clear why Robin Frijns (28) was accredited with a bright future in Formula 1. His biggest trophies are displayed like a hall of fame, won on circuits across the globe. With his status as a future racing talent, he was standing on the doorstep of the pinnacle of motorsport, even before the rise of contemporary Max Verstappen, but nonetheless, his dream was shattered. A sensitive subject matter which we, so we guess, could best wait to discuss until the ice is broken. But we’re barely seated when Frijns opens it up himself, determined to clear the air. 

Press agency ANP published in 2012, right before you were testing a car with Red Bull, an interview in where you proclaim that “Red Bull drivers are treated like dogs”. You contest that you’ve never said that. 

“That story is completely false. The conversation with that journalist took place two weeks earlier, over the phone. He screwed me. He wrote down things I’ve never said. I spoke to him once, after that never again. I’m still waiting for him to call. No, I won’t say his name.”

Did he put the words in your mouth?

“No.”

Did he make up stuff?

“Yes. Look, Red Bull has always been known for quickly putting aside drivers if they didn’t perform. Dropped. But that’s the truth, everybody knows that. Every once in awhile it isn’t fair, that depends on the situation. That came up in the conversation, but the word ‘dogs’ was never used. I have friends who were at Red Bull. Okay, they have had it rough, but it’s thanks to Red Bull that they’ve come so far.”

What would you like to change about yourself?

“That people who don’t know me get a better idea of who I am. That image was created in the past. I’ve been with Audi for years, if they didn’t appreciate me, I would’ve been long gone.“

What was the last time you cried?

“Good question. (long silence) When my dog died, in 2012. His name was Bikkel, a Bordeaux Dog. He was only three years old. In the morning I found him in his kennel, a heart attack. Cold as ice, stiff, I’ll never forget that.”

What do you regret?

“I regret that I’ve trusted people too easily, managers for example. I didn’t have the right people around met at the right time. One manager once demanded three ton from me. He lost that case. I recently ran into me, he shook my hand. What I think when that happens? Absolutely nothing.”

Who would you like to spend 24 hours with?

“Ayrton Senna. He always said how it was, was passionated, loved his country. He never forgot where he came from. Some people compare himself to him, like Hamilton. Senna stayed himself, Hamilton didn’t. I appreciate his driving skills, not his personality.”

Are you still being haunted by that publication?

“Yes, still. That stone started rolling and it feels like it has never really stopped. For some, it’s rolling still.”

If you’re so convinced about being right, why have you never taken action?

“If so, I, a layman from motorsports, would have to take it up against a journalist of ANP. Against such a big corporation.”

You didn’t have any good experiences with Bild, the biggest tabloid of Germany, either. 

“My manager at the time had contacts there. He let them record that I’m so difficult to work with. That hurt me even more than the whole Red Bull story. We split after that. Later teams said to me: “you are so difficult”. Where is that coming from, I thought. That image caused a reluctant effect on people who didn’t know me. Only after I’ve tested for them, did they know who I really was.”

How do you describe yourself? 

“I don’t like dishonesty, I can’t work with it. I’m very direct. Say what I want to say, but always based on something. And I never show myself when I don’t know someone. That’s a disadvantage... I have to get to know them first.”

You’ve been a test driver for various F1 teams in the years following that infamous ANP piece, but you never got a real chance. Why didn’t it happen?

“De F1 world was very unfair for me. At certain moments I drove faster than the drivers who did have a seat. Like Hülkenberg. Or Ericcson. But I didn’t bring millions. Others did. They shook my hand and I could leave. How unfair is that? I didn’t feel appreciated. That’s when the joy vanished. Compare it to football: if you move from Ajax to Barcelona, but you spend the whole year on the bench, what did you gain?”

Did you ever try to get those millions yourself?

“I have tried to play the game, but I missed the background in that world to achieve it. There were businessmen with interest in F1, but they all came from above the rivers. They didn’t see me as Dutch. Because I’m from Maastricht.”

Did your reputation play a part in this?

“People in business don’t read that stuff. It’s about investments, I think. “

How long did you need to process this broken F1 dream?

“At least two years. I just wasn’t feeling well. Constantly annoyed.”

Did you have someone to cry with?

“No, I did it on my own. My father struggled a lot, he’s just like me. He felt that injustice as well. Support? My parents have always supported me, up to a certain point.”

Are you guys talkers?

“A little. I’m from a family who isn’t involved with motorsport at all. The whole family loves football, my brother played for MVV [Maastricht’s football club]. I rolled into that world, without knowing where I’d end up. My father is a real businessman in the steel industry. He doesn’t understand the racing world.”

Not long after you Max Verstappen rose through the ranks, at lightning speed. He’s a world star now. Don’t you think: this could have been me?

“Of course, yes. I have never driven against Max, so I can’t say who’s better. That comparison is bullshit. But I certainly would have been at the same level as Max.”

Are you jealous of his success?

“Maybe a bit in the beginning. But not for the last three, four years. There’s always a pro and a con. I talked to him a few times. I don’t have anything against Max, amazing how he’s doing, a lot of respect. Especially for his dad, I know him much better than Max. But I don’t know if I want to be in the position he’s in.”

Why not?

“I want to be free in the things I do. If I were Max. I’d live in Monaco. Something I absolutely do not want. When I’m home, I want to be home, close to Maastricht. If I were at Max’s level I wouldn’t be able to go to a terrace, drink coffee in peace. That’s the flipside. Of course, at the track, a lot of people come to you, nothing wrong with that. But at a certain point, especially after a shitty race, you think: please leave me alone. 24/7 attention, it would drive me crazy.”

You currently drive in both Formula E and DTM. Does that give you enough satisfaction? 

“I joined Audi three, four years ago. That’s when it started to go better. They really appreciate me, they know me and they work well with me. With DTM and Formula E, I’ve found the fun again. The future? I want to be competitive, that’s the most important thing. When I’m 36 or 37 and I notice I’m no longer competitive, I’ll retire.”

Sustainability is a big theme nowadays. Do you think Formula 1 will merge with Formula E? 

“I think Formula E will fight Formula 1. But they can’t compete yet. FE has only existed for six years, F1 for almost seventy. Although I see that a lot more racing becomes electronic. You have Moto E, rallycross E. If you ask me now whether it has a future, I’d say yes. But maybe it will be different in ten years.”

Does idealism play a part in your choice for Formula E?

“That’s the same thing as not eating meat because you’re against animal cruelty. Honestly? A little, I think. Of course, it’s more about my career. But I do see the dense smog above China. You don’t have that in Maastricht.”

Your father once mentioned on the radio that he doesn’t like it at all, that speed. Does that affect you?

“I think every parent feels like that. The worst thing that can happen to you, is losing your own child. I’m very sober about this. It’s a dangerous sport. If you crash, so be it. But it does something to you when you hear about one. When I was on holiday in Santorini this summer, I got a text from Linsey, a good friend I’ve known for twelve years. She wrote: if you do this to me, I’ll kill you. I thought: what is she talking about? When I searched YouTube, I saw that Anthoine Hubert had a fatal crash in Francorchamps. I was quiet all day. I notice, the older I get, the more it affects me. I too want kids, in the future.”

Do you have a relationship?

“I’ve been together with Maike, a German, for over a year. She is a communications officer at ABT Sportsline, the DTM team I drive for. She lives 700 kilometres away, south of Munich. We see each other every weekend, I’m happy with her. It’s a long drive, I once did it in four hours. At night. Cruise control, 300 per hour, you’re there in no time.”

Was it love at first sight? 

“No, I don’t believe in that. Win trust first, that’s how I am. If I enter someone’s house, it’s never, hey, here I am.”

And then you give all of you?

“Yes. But when someone turns their back to me, it’s over quickly with me. For me no means no. A lot of people know that. If it’s a disadvantage, I don’t know. It does have something, I think.”

Formula 1, is that book closed for good? 

“If I could prove myself at a decent team, with a multiyear contract, I would consider it. But if I would want it? I don’t know. Sometimes I think: would Formula 1 have made me happy? All those fake friends, all those people who try to benefit from your success. No, that doesn’t make me happy. I know who I have now. Parents, friends, my girlfriends. People who only want what’s best for you. People who value you. If you’re world-famous, those are hard to find. 

[indulgnces]

hello! it’s jess again with my new final girl bb brooke under the cut! (AHS 1984 SPOILERS!) I’m playing her pre-prison for the most part, but legit after this next episode there are gonna be some new attributes given to her, so I’ll circle back and change as needed after Wednesday!

❛  ( LILY COLLINS )  ◈  dude, shut up ! BROOKE THOMPSON from AHS: 1984 is on screen. their fans swear they’re just COMPASSIONATE & CLEVER, but we’ve all seen their RESERVED & SKEPTICAL side ! according to TRUMAN WIKIA, they’re TWENTY-FOUR years old, CLOSETED BISEXUAL, & identify as CISFEMALE ( SHE/HER ). they’re currently a VETERINARY ASSISTANT & are CONFUSED about life in truman. luckily they have THEIR ENGAGEMENT RING AND HER KNIFE with them & can visit THE ROLLER RINK whenever they want. penned by JESS.

so her bio is always subject to change depending on what happens, as her show is currently airing, so a final version of her won’t come around for another couple weeks. but below is a sketch of my sweet & badass final girl brooke thompson (spoiler warning for ahs 1984!!)

CANON LIFE 

(gun tw, murder tw)

“I, uh I had this dumb idea, this, this dream to-” “To be somebody?” “No. To be nobody.....I pretended for so long to be somebody that I wasn't. Now I don't even know who I am.”

was a smart child who liked to learn. top of her all her classes. goodie-goodie who I wouldn’t call a nerd or a teacher’s pet, just like a prepared student who kept to herself and aced all her shit

things were smooth but then there was this entitled jerky bad Nice Guy who kept coming in 2nd behind her, and instead of pushing himself to idk be smarter than brooke and be on top on his own, he bitched and straight up stopped talking to brooke

that wasn’t enough for the baby tho, and so he convinced everyone else in their class to stop talking to brooke too. fucking iced out by her entire class

brooke did not like that. v much did not like that. she is a bit of a people pleaser, and can be easily peer pressured, and the idea of people thinking of her in a negative light, the idea that she was making other people mad or upset for some reason, didn’t set well with her, so she started to fail on purpose

pretended to be dumber than she was until she fell into the #2 spot, then the icing out stopped and the mean Nice Guy asked brooke out and ....she said yes bc well, why not?

flash forward and he’s asking her to marry him and she says yes for the same reasons before and though they’ve been together for years, they’ve never had sex/were saving themselves 

did i forget to mention Nice Guy was a jealous guy? i feel like that was implied, but yeah he was a v jealous boy, and during their wedding he accused brooke of sleeping with his best man sam duke (montana’s brother wassup), then proceeded to shoot sam, brooke’s dad when he tried to protect brooke, and then aimed that gun at brooke before shooting himself instead

#traumatized 

brooke got the hell out of dodge after that. didn’t want to be that girl anymore. didn’t want to be the Smart Girl or the Girl Who Slept With Her Fiance’s Best Man or the Girl With The Crazy Fiance or the Girl With The Murder Wedding like she just didn’t want to be anybody, wanted to blend into a crowd of strangers and disappear

where better to do that than los angeles? 

moved to la, got into santa monica college to take classes towards becoming a veterinarian assistant, was just gonna chill

then the night stalker decided to break into her apartment and try to kill her, but she’s got Balls and is clever when in danger, so she beat him with a frying pan and made a lot of noise and her neighbors heard and saved her life so #bless

decided again to get the hell out of dodge and go with a group of new friends to be a camp counselor at camp redwood for the summer because fun!!!! and safety, mostly

except not fun OR safe bc their first night there and she’s nearly killed by THREE killers (richard, mr.jingles, and fucking MONTANA) on separate occasions, had a traumatized night all around, and when daylight broke, she managed to kill that bitch montana in an act of self defense

bad timing tho bc she gutted her when a bus full of children were driving by, so like, not a good look, and then that bitch camp owner & true serial killer psycho margaret decided to pin all the murders on brooke so (upside down smile face emoji yknow the one)

brooke was found guilty and, after five years in jail, was sentenced to death by lethal injection

sentence was carried, brooke died an Absolute Boss, giving no fucks to richard (this man terrified her before and now she doesnt give two shits my gIRL!!), spitting at margaret, just being a badass, and then afterwards donna gave her a dose of adrenaline and brought my girl back to life

donna brought her back to health, and during that time brooke bonded and began to trust her. she also found out about margaret returning to camp redwood for a festival, and has made it her mission to go back and gut that lying bitch for the hell she put her through before she can go on with her life

also on her one day of fun out of the hotel after her recovery, she had a brief run in with a psycho serial killer bc (donna &) brooke’s apparently just serial killer BAIT, but guess what? just like every time before my girl used her fucking brain and got both her and donna out of their situation, and because she’s a badass now, she didn’t run away this time, instead she stayed and finished the job - opting to tie the psycho up and cut off his hitchhiking thumbs like a fucking BOSS i love her

now walking the way to redwood with her girl donna

and that’s everything of brooke thus far in canon! I’ll add more when the series ends!

FUN FACTS & HEADCANONS

did not sleep with sam, thank you very much

lost her virginity to ray, the ghost, during that traumatizing night at redwood and it was only Okay

was kissed by montana during that traumatizing night before it came to light that montana fucking hated her guts, and um that split second kiss did more for her than sex with ray? (no tea no shade ray you got a shudder or two out of her okay (but not the o oof)) brooke didn’t know she could feel that way towards women until montana kissed her and that shit SCARED her so she freaked and ran

so you know how brooke told donna not to kill that psycho killer who tried to kill them when they were on the road? it wasn’t because she wanted to torture him. it’s because she didn’t want donna to have to go through the trauma of killing somebody. bc even though she knows she was justified in killing montana, and she had to do it to save her life, she still went through the trauma of knowing she ended someone’s life, and she compassionate and doesn’t want her friend to deal with it either. she’s not about that murder game now, she’s not gonna kill if she don’t have to. but she’s not the same as she was before, not gonna let ppl get off scotch free - aka why she took the man’s thumbs & tied him up: punishment for what he did, and she left him there vulnerable to either die, or more likely: be found by a passing car, and face the punishment for what he did

girl really is serial killer bait though. idk what it is. when she was an innocent girl just trying to get through life? encountered her joey her fiance (killed 3 ppl including himself), ramirez (killed 13? people and counting), montana (psycho killed at least 2 people, presumably more, and counting), and mr. jingles (killed 5+ people) - most of who just wanted to kill her to killer her. then she became a bad bitch. and again, serials killers took an interest in her, with both ramirez & psycho bruce hitchhiker both amused by her new thick skin smhhh, girl can’t catch a break one way or another with these killers.

TRUMAN

“I don’t know what’s real. I- I don’t even trust myself.”

ah, truman, brooke has been utterly confused about truman

because brooke, she buys the story the actors have told her 

okay, so she moved to truman after the Red Wedding nightmare, okay, sure

but like, she spent five years in jail for crimes she didn’t commit, and that shit has left an IMPRESSION on this girl and so she’s also like, something doesn’t add up

but she’s not suspicious by nature, and she’ll believe what she’s been told, because why rock the boat and say otherwise? 

so she got her degree in truman in biology, with intentions to pursue veterinary school for her doctorate and obtain her license, and she hasn’t spoken her doubts aloud 

but like, LATELY (*cough* with the season’s premiere *cough*), babe’s been more confused than usual, with intense bouts of memories coming back to her

and she’s expressed these distressing memories to the actors, who act the same way the redwood crew did to her when she told them she was being chased by mr.jingles that first episode: they mocked and laughed her off, got her to believe what they needed her to

but just like redwood, with each passing week the memories won’t stop, and she’s been Distressed and then her PRISON EPISODE hit her and the sensation of dying has fully convinced her that these are not just dreams, these events are real, and she’s not sure how to process it

since the memories have returned, her new experiences and thick skin from prison has returned, making her wary of strangers once again, but it’s battling with her current perception of the world, and it’s all especially especially in this place that’s filled with people trying to tell her that’s she crazy for her memories

PERSONALITY

okay so, before prison? girl was naive and dependent and trusting and believed n the best of people. she got scared easy, had trouble being alone at night, and relied on the people around her for protection in life. she went with the flow and had little agency in her life, as she allowed her controlling fiance to p much dictate her life tbh 

before prison but after her red wedding, brooke became more reserved then usual, because she had an intense desire to be alone, and to be away from the stigmas and the reputation she had in her old life following the nightmare event. it was her first taste of independence, though she was still dependent in nature, as the second a group of friends came into her life, she found herself following their lead, tagging along.

after prison? total change. five years - NO, 1825 DAYS - in prison absolutely changed her. she looked back at her life and that night and realized she was too trusting. she got warnings and scares multiple times that day and night at redwood, from the gas station employee to the hitchhiker to the mystery phone call to the news report to LITERALLY BEING CHASED and she still didn’t follow her gut - instead she tried to do what everyone else around her told her to do, which was relax because she was supposedly being paranoid. if she had pushed, if she had the nerve to walk away even, none of this would have happened. and she hates herself for that. 

she spent five years as an innocent victim with scary guilty criminals, and she grew a thick skin as a result. lost her innocence and her wide-eyed charm. 

not she’s skeptical, and even more reserved than before, and wary to strangers. she’s still compassionate and helpful, still feels for people and had an urge to help, but she doesn’t follow those urges as helplessly as she did before. she trusts her gut more.

carries around a knife too because, as said earlier, she’s some kinda magnet for killers and you can never be too safe!

I called her clever because my girl, when in life and death situations,is SO FUCKING SMART like she does not go out without a fight and it’s never full on “imma hit you with my fists” its “let me see what I have around me at my disposal” like she is smart and she is quick to grasp a new situation when her life is in peril, she out here wielding frying pans and canoe paddles and using two serials killers pushing her around in a net as momentum to grab a tree and climb out of her net like she’s so smart

when her life is not in peril, though, she be doing dumb shit like sleeping with her window open KNOWING serial killers take advantage of that shit and answering creepy pay phones in the middle of the night so, shes a naive bitch too

positive: compassionate, determined, honest, clever, resourceful, helpful, kind

negative: reserved, skeptical, resentful, paranoid, tense, touchy, withdrawn

SUBJECT TO CHANGE! as the season progresses.

CANON CONNECTIONS

i basically love brooke with all of the redwood gang tbh

montana? love it. angsty dark shit im game. xavier? love it. soft as fuuuck. richard? game, tell him to fuck off sis he don’t scare you no more. donna? bet, I need this badass duo in my life!!! chet? adorable babies, let them share more marshmallows together. ray? also cute, he may be a coward but he was soft with her so!, trevor? #letsmakebrookeblush2k19 bc that big dick interaction was funny and I wanted more moments of blushing virgin brooke becoming speechless around trevor (and montana, or the ultimate combo of trevor & montana) during a summer at redwood bUT THAT NEVER HAPPENED 

anyways

TRUMAN CONNECTIONS

once again, I’ll probs post smth separate for her connections!

and yeah! that’s everything on my new girl! if you’ve made it this far, you’re still the best my dudes!! if you’d like to do any kind of plotting with my girl, just go ahead and hit that like button, and I’ll slide in y’alls dms! ♥

[ask-chaos-kin]

Chaotic Adventures in Babysitting Chapter 7

Final Chapter of Chaotic Adventures in Babysitting! Co-written with @royalbabble

The two weeks had passed, Roseflame and Pancakes had made up with Jester by getting them a shit ton of sugar while no one else was around, only to be caught by Pure when Jester had managed to knock down a tree onto the bases shed. Everyone had gotten to meet Chaos’ new team including, their Engineer. Brutal attempted to challenge the little Texan woman, but ended up needing Jesters magic after she was done with him. Now it was the final day of Rose’s stay with the freaks and her Aunt Lily. 

Jester was laying on the bedroom floor with Rose, letting her use them as a pillow. Jester then heard a knock on her door. It had to be Chaos. they just hoped the child wasn’t leaving just yet.

Chaos opened the door and peeked inside.

“Morning Jester, breakfast is ready if you want to wake her up. Her mom will be here in about 4 hours,” She stated in a hushed tone to not wake Rose up. She gingerly closed the door as she went to the others to join them for breakfast. Jester looked down at Rose and gave her a slight nudge. 

“Hey, wake up, breakfast is ready. Unless you want to eat candy for breakfast,” They said with a grin. The door opened again.

“Don’t,” Chaos chastised, “Lilac will kill me if I gave her child back on a sugar high,” Pancakes walked past and saw the situation,

“She isn’t your problem after today. I’d say do it,” He commented,

“Hush,” She turned to Pancakes to deal with him, the two walked to the kitchen together. Jester quickly summoned a handful sweets in their hand and gave them to Rose.

“Quick, eat this before your aunt finds out!” They said with a grin. Rose quickly ate the sweets before Chaos returned to the door to find the wrappers on the ground.

“Really?” She raised her left eyebrow and focused her gaze on Jester.

“What? She’s a kid, cut her some slack,” Jester said, shrugging, “And I didn’t see you complaining when you gave me all that ice cream,” 

“That was Pancakes and Roseflame, we’re still fixing the shed from you knocking over that tree so. I am,” She then finally went to the kitchen. Jester just shrugged again before cheekily giving Rose another bag of candy. She put the bag in her backpack once the two heard the sound of waffles being finished.

“And one more for the road,” Jester snickered, giving Rose a small thing of chocolates disguised as a bundle of grapes. She giggled at Jester as they snuck the chocolates into her bag as well, “Alright, lets go,” Jester scooped Rose up and hoisted her onto their shoulders and flew off to the kitchen. 

Pancakes was enjoying some milk with his waffle while Pure drank tea while eating crepes, he must have made them himself. Roseflame scarfed down waffles even though her eyes said she was beyond tired. Jester planted Rose in one of the chairs and scooped up the plate that Chaos had just made for the child. 

“Hmm. Not enough syrup on these waffles,” Jester observed. 

“You gave her twice the amount of sugar I get in a day from my pop. Of course I didn’t give her a whole lot of syrup,” Chaos retorted as she started the clean up phase while everyone else ate. Jester summoned a bottle of syrup onto the waffles, not breaking eye contact with Chaos as they emptied to bottles contents over the baked goods, Chaos downing a large Dr. Pepper whilst watching.

“You. Suck,” She glared at them. She left the kitchen to go pack up Rose’s stuff since it had been strewn around so much during the 2 weeks. Pancakes simply chuckled at the situation, having done that to her before under different circumstances.

“You know she’s going to beat you up with a broom for all this right?” He looked over to Jester.

“I can teleport and detach pieces of my body, she’s not gonna hit jack,” Jester said, emphasising their point by detaching their head from their neck. Pure quickly covered Roses eyes.

“We do not need another incident before she goes home Jester,” Pure chastised. Jester shrugged and plopped their head back on their neck, rolling their shoulders slightly as they did. Pure removed their hand as they did so, going to rinse off their plate as well.

“Hard to believe that she’s already going back home isn’t it?” Pure questioned in general.

“Yeah, probably for the better to be honest. Kid needs to be around humans more than us,” Pancakes stated after he finished his waffle. Rose was still confused whenever they mentioned that she needed to be around other humans.

“I don’t see why she can’t spend time with us,” Jester added, “I mean, I can understand why she shouldn’t be around someone like Painis, but not us specifically, y’know?”

“Brutal?” Pancakes asked simply. Jester just glared at him. “I even fall on that list Jester, she doesn’t need to be around me more than she already has been,” Pancakes shrugged.

“Well then Freaks like Pure, Spyper, Intelligent Heavy, Chaos, and myself can be around Rose!” They said huffily, throwing up their hands. Rose and Pure left the room so he could do her hair.

“Yeah, you can. Just making a point, besides. Look how often we deal with more dangerous freaks, you wouldn’t want to raise her with the threat of Grave looming over her shoulder right?” He continued to state,

“You made your point, stop being what the first part of your title implies you as,” Roseflame chastised as she got up from finishing her food.

“Well, no. We already saw the damage Grave could do to some teenagers. Of course I don’t want someone like him being around Rose,” Jester admitted, scooping of their own plate of waffles. They crossed their legs and floated in midair as they ate, using their lap to hold up their plate. 

“Show off,” Pancakes groaned as he cleaned his and Roseflames plates. A puff of purple flecks entered the kitchen, and Chaos stepped out of it, not looking happy at all. She grabbed one of the frying pans from one of the cabinets.

“Jester… mind explaining why I found two more bags of Candy in Rose’s bag?” Her voice was cold but no were near as cold as Grave or Jester’s could be.

“She’s a kid! Cut her some slack!” Jester said, grinning. 

“I’m cutting her slack,” She looked at Jester her eyes flashing purple again, “Not you,” She then charged at Jester, pan ready to hit them. Jester leapt out of the way and jumped onto the counter, their acrobatics giving them an edge.

“Hey, hey! What did Pure say about this kinda stuff?” Jester said, crouching down on the counter.

“Pure isn’t in the room,” She swung again. Pancakes hopped on the counter as well to avoid the oncoming attack.

“Watch it!” Pancakes yelped as he jumped. Chaos went for Jester again, and the bouncy Freak turned into a formless cloud of blue smoke and darted away into the living room where Pure and Rose was.

“He’s in this room though!” Jester taunted. 

“Pure! Tell them that giving a five year old three bags of candy isn’t acceptable, Please!” She huffed, walking into the room while pointing the pan at Jester.

“Jester, we’ve talked about this,” The priest said calmly, fixing Roses hair, “It's a hassle enough that you start bouncing off the walls when you eat sweets, we don’t need a child jumping around as well,” Rose groaned slightly, she wanted the candy.

“Thank you,” Chaos then went to return the pan. 

“Oh come on! Who am I to deny a kid candy!?” They cried.

“Don’t start with me Jester. It’s too early for this,” Pure sighed. Pancakes walked in with Roseflame.

“Like he said, too early to start bickering, Besides. I highly doubt that this is the last time we’ll ever see Rose,” Pancakes stated then patted Jester on the back. 

“Fiiine,” Jester sighed, pouting. They plopped onto the floor beside Rose and slouched back against the sofa. Roseflame was tired and bored, so she took off Jesters hat and sat behind them on the sofa.

“Got anything to braid with?” She asked them. Jester summoned a few hair ties and a brush.

“Have at it,” Jester said. She then proceeded to brush out and braid Jesters hair in an attempt to keep awake. Pancakes on the other hand slumped into the couch next to Pure and attempted to sleep off his food.

***

Only an hour was left before Rose went home. Pancakes was sitting with Rose in the kitchen as she doodled by memory all of the Freaks she’d met. The first one she drew was Jester themself, then it was Spyper and Intelligent Heavy, then it was Brutal who was covered in blood, then it was her Aunt, so on and so forth. She was currently drawing Pancakes since he was sitting next to her.

“So kid, what’s home like?” Pancakes asked her suddenly.

“Good! Mom works for a secret agency so we have a lot of things,” Rose answered. He shrugged. He figured she was making decent money.

“Do you know what your mom does?” Jester asked, their poofy hair curled up into braids. 

“She fights bad guys with weird powers,” Pancakes gulped slightly, he knew then and there. Her mom was a Freak Hunter, and that trip to Paris was a cover up, “Mommy is strong, she could beat Brutal like Miss Radigan did,”

“I dunno kid, I have a hard time fighting Brutal,” Pancakes shrugged.

“It took someone like Grave to kick him into the dirt. Then again Spyper did decapitate him that one time…”

“IT WAS ONE TIME! HE GOT LUCKY!” They could hear Brutal from the living room.

“I’m guessing Grave got lucky too huh?” Jester quipped back, only for a knife to come flying into the kitchen. Pancakes quickly grabbed Rose and ducked under the table.

“We only have 15 more minutes with her! And now you nearly kill her!” Pancakes yelled, covering Rose’s ears. He helped Rose back up to her seat. Chaos was outside talking to her cousin about something. Seeing as they were speaking in Italian, it was a family matter. 

Pure sighed, rubbing his temples. He wished he had stayed at the church. Though if he did that, then he would possibly never have gotten to meet Lilac, the last one directly related to Chaos. Everyone heard a car pull up to the driveway, Lilac was now here to pick up Rose.

“Alright kid, get your suitcase and bag. Time for you to go home,” Pancakes stated with a sigh. She let out an upset groaning sound before turning to Jester.

“Will I ever see you guys again?” She asked them.

“Maybe,” Jester said with a grin. They glanced over to the sofa and saw the modified cube that Intelligent Heavy had finished a few days ago, “Actually…” They picked up the cube and rolled it over in their hands, looking at the mechanical parts that had been added.

“Intelligent Heavy couldn’t get that thing working,” Pure commented.

“Well duh! He was missing the most important part!” Jester laughed. They placed their hand over the mechanical parts and pushed a surge of their magic through it. The cube jolted to life in their hands, glowing blue. They went back to the kitchen and handed it to Rose, “Here,” She held it in her hands for a second.

“Isn’t this the box you gave Pancakes?” She asked them. Pancakes looked at the box himself.

“Sure does look like it,” he commented.

“That’s because it is! Intelligent Heavy just made a few adjustments to it and I gave it power! So now it should be a portable portal!” Both Pancakes and Rose seemed a little confused.

“So, she can come visit us any time she wants or you can go see her at any time you want?” Pancakes asked.

“The latter,” Jester replied. Rose smiled and put the cube in her backpack. Everyone then started to head out the base to see Rose off. Chaos and Anthony where hugging Lilac and talking with her.

“Guess France put you through the wringer, or should I call it the swamps,” Chaos crossed their arms and looked to her sister,

“I’m sorry I didn’t say earlier, I just wanted to keep it a secret.” Lilac apologized. Chaos must have found out earlier.

“You’re lucky that Soldine was able to get there,” Anthony commented,

“You two know him?” Lilac asked bewildered, she swore they where normal mercenaries.

“Our Demo and Soldier are from HECU, and I’m a Freak myself. We know these things,” Chaos mentioned. 

“MOMMY!” Rose dashed to Lilac to embrace her. Lilac grunted as her child collided with her.

“Hi baby! How was your visit with aunt Lily?” Lilac asked then gasped slightly as Brutal, Pure, and Gentle approached her.

“So, you’re Chaos’ sister?” Brutal started. Chaos glared at him slightly.

“Yes, I’m Lilac,” She introduced herself. Before Brutal could threaten her Pure pushed him out of the way to shake hands with her.

“Pleasure to make your acquaintance, I am Christian Pure Spy, my partners here are Christian Brutal Sniper and Gentlespy,” Pure introduced himself and the others.

“And I don’t think we met properly!” Jester called abruptly, flying out of the base. They stopped beside Brutal and took off their hat to greet Lilac, revealing their still braided hair, “Name’s Count Jester,” 

“Nice to meet you all,” she smiled to them.

“So, guessing you’ll be keeping closer in check since now you know my secret from the family?” Chaos asked her sister.

“Just Brutal is who I need to worry about, but yeah. I’ll keep in touch to make sure you’re staying out of trouble,” Lilac stated as she got Rose in her car seat, Anthony helped put her suitcase in the trunk. Rose had her backpack next to her for the long ride home. Once Rose was buckled in, Lilac turned to the others.

“Thanks a lot for watching over her while I was out for 2 weeks,” Pancakes shrugged.

“We’re glad she was around for so long, a bit of a break from the usual for us,” He commented, looking to the others. Pure nodded while Gentle and Brutal shrugged.

“She was a lot of fun to be around!” Jester piped up. Lilac smiled, then she went into her car and started it up, rolling down the window.

“Ciao,”

“Ciao!” Anthony and Chaos waved as Lilac backed out of the driveway and back onto the road.

“I’ll miss them,” Chaos commented, “but, also. Jester I saw that 5 pound bag of jelly beans,” Chaos looked at Jester along with Pancakes and Pure.

“Really Jester? Out of all that? You still did it,” Pancakes groaned. Jester simply gave a cheeky grin. 

“Either you give a kid candy or you give them broccoli. I’ll leave you to decide which one a child prefers,” Chaos shivered at the mention of broccoli, Pancakes included. It was the case for teenagers too, “So, when are we gonna see her again?” Jester asked, floating towards the driveway to watch the car ride off into the distance.

“Who knows. According to the reports she fought someone related to Grave while we were watching over Rose. She’ll probably be taking a break from hunting for a little bit,” Roseflame commented, reading something on her phone while showing it to Chaos and Pancakes. Now it was Pure’s turn to shudder, another freak related to Grave? He could barely fathom one of him, let alone two.

“How do you know that?” Jester asked. 

“She used the tech from the HECU that our Soldier and Demo have access to to hack into their database, Soldine didn’t like it but she didn’t do anything harmful with that information, so far so she’s just in the radar,” Chaos commented.

“Huh. Didn’t know Grave had any blood relatives left. This guy have a name or what?” Jester quizzed.

“Goes by Mr. Feral. So far that’s all they know,” Pancakes answered, “got a picture of them though,” Pancakes showed the phone to Jester. The picture was heavily blurred, but they were able to make out the form of a green Medic walking into what looked like a swampy area. 

“Huh,” Roseflame took her phone back and dropped it into her bag. 

***

“So, you have fun at aunt Lily’s?” Lilac asked Rose as they drove back home. Rose looked up from trying to take a nap. She looked to her bag and noticed a small bell connected to blue in her bag, she took it out to find it was the Count Jester plush that Roseflame won for her in Jesters Artifact.

“Yeah, I wanna spend more time with them too,” Rose yawned out before falling asleep, the Jester plushie in her arms.

[lilydodge]

How is therapeutic parenting different from regular parenting?

This is part of a series for Foster Care Awareness Month, where I answer questions submitted via facebook or tumblr about my work as a therapeutic foster parent. Ask your own question here!

It’s easiest for me to use narrative examples in explanations like this, but I don’t tell stories about my youth online, so all of these are hypotheticals based on my experiences and training. 

Therapeutic parenting is different in a few key ways. One is that it has therapeutic goals - a youth that you’re parenting may have specific behaviors, trauma symptoms, or thought patterns that you’re actively trying to work on.

For instance, say you have a 15 year old young woman who is really struggling with self esteem and feeling like she has something to contribute to the world. Therapeutic parenting might include things like:

Subscribing to a meal kit service and cooking with her every evening, slowly building up her sense of confidence and agency in the kitchen. Providing lots of accurate and appropriate praise as you eat together so she experiences you enjoying the food she made.

Reaching out to her school to identify clubs she might be interested in joining, and working with school staff to come up with a healthy and supportive way to encourage and welcome her to participate. 

Working with her on a list of “Things I Am Proud Of.” Keeping an eye out for opportunities to add to that list, and to help her refer back to that list in times of struggle. Developing language and coping skills with her around self-image, anxiety, and shame. 

Throughout this process, the therapeutic parent will be tracking what’s going on, often documenting it in an official way. They’ll be figuring out what works and what doesn’t work - maybe she absolutely HATED staying after school for the lit mag club, but after she helped you clean the kitchen, she was beaming when you pointed out the next day how pleasant and nice to use it was. You’ll share these strategies with whatever other therapeutic professionals you’re working with, and advocate for them to be used at school as well. 

Because of these clearly stated behavioral, emotional, and relational goals, therapeutic parenting is a lot more big-picture focused. In-the-moment choices about discipline, consequences, and parental responses often look very different from “standard parenting.”

You have to keep in mind the overall goals, and whether your choices in the moment support the overall goals. 

For example, say you have a 10 year old boy who struggles with lying. Typically, kids with trauma who tell lies are doing it out of knee-jerk self-preservation and fear. So punishing the lies doesn’t “teach them better,” it just deepens that sense of “adults are not safe” and encourages the behavior. 

Say you’re heading out and you ask him if he has his jacket in his backpack. He says yes. You get there, and he’s cold. He didn’t bring his jacket. Standard parenting might suggest that you scold the youth: you told me it was in your backpack! We’ve talked about telling lies!

But in this case, his “lie” was because, in the moment, he was being asked something by a parent figure, which sends his traumatized brain into fight-or-flight mode. His brain said “I’m supposed to do something, so the safest thing to do is just say yes, I did it.” It’s not thinking toward future consequences; brains are not good at that. He may not have even processed that I was asking about his jacket’s location - he may have just heard me ask something and said “yes” out of a self-preservation instinct. 

So if I want the behavior to actually stop long-term, I need to challenge that fear response by being entirely safe. He told me the truth - that he didn’t have his jacket - so I respond by speaking softly and gently, thanking him for letting me know, and problem-solving with him about whether we need to go back home or whether there’s another jacket in the car, etc.

Of course this isn’t a long-term solution; lying as a behavior can be maddening, and at some point he’ll need to learn how to process and follow instructions, manage his own belongings, etc. But kids don’t learn through fear, shame, and scolding. 

What I’d do about the backpack-jacket situation going forward, as a therapeutic parent, is to not give him another opportunity to lie. Because therapeutic parenting is about meeting the youth where they are, and not demanding anything else. 

I now know that being asked to make sure he has his jacket isn’t working for this kid. So from now on, I just grab his jacket on the way out the door. He has enough to worry about, and it’s not worth the potential power struggle of trying to make him do it on his own. Could another 10 year old be asked to bring his jacket? Probably. It’s a developmentally appropriate expectation in general, but not for this child. 

So I’d just bring the jacket. Slowly, as we work on “listening” and other behaviors, maybe I’d ask him to bring his jacket, then go to his bedroom and watch or help him put it in his backpack. Then, ask him to bring it, and check his backpack once we get into the car. Each of these small moments will be a battle I’ve decided to pick, and he may be aggressive, defiant, frustrated, or annoyed. But my end goal is “he is able to manage his own belongings and respond to reasonable reminders,” so I work toward that goal.

Keeping those goals in mind is so crucial. Because in the moment, it’s so hard to lose sight of them. Suddenly, your goal becomes short-term: “Get him to admit that he lied and apologize,” or your goal becomes unrelated to their emotional wellbeing: “Get him to respect me as the parent.” Acting in pursuit of those goals often runs counter to the other goals, so you’ve got to keep the big-picture goals in mind.

Often, my therapeutic parenting looks like “rewarding the behavior.” But it’s all about understanding that behavior is communication. If my youth has had a destructive, raging tantrum, that's because they are too overwhelmed by their trauma symptoms and Big Feelings. They are feeling ashamed, unsafe, afraid, angry, confused, anxious, etc. And so if I want the behavior to resolve, I have to address the feelings underneath it.

After a tantrum or other violent incident, my first goal is to let the youth know that they are safe, and it’s okay. That I still love them no matter what their behavior is. I often help them clean up, or clean it up for them. I wrap them in a cuddly blanket (usually a weighted blanket), give them a comfort food for a snack, and put on their favorite TV show. If they’re okay with my physical touch, I’ll hug or hold or snuggle them. 

This does not, contrary to popular parenting wisdom, teach the youth that “If I throw a tantrum and break Lily’s things, she will reward me with ice cream, TV, and fun time. Therefore, I will continue to break Lily’s things.” Instead, it teaches the youth that “I am safe, I am loved, I am capable of calming down, my Big Feelings do not make me worthless and they do not run my life.” The behaviors are coming from somewhere - you have to be willing to get behind the behaviors and be creative.

We do often have “natural consequences” - whatever the youth broke, they have to repair, or pay to replace, or it just doesn’t get replaced. After they’ve calmed down, we talk about what happened, how it made us feel, and what wasn’t okay. I offer suggestions for managing the same feelings, and we work on coping skills - like smashing approved things in the “angry box,” or punching a pillow, or just asking me for “ice cream and cuddles” to calm down instead of going through the whole escalation first.

This often looks like choosing your battles - and they may be very different battles than a “regular” parent chooses. Therapeutic parenting requires you to really understand what rules and boundaries you’re setting, and why, and what you’re willing to do to enforce them. If a kid gets so angry around food and dinnertime that they keep stabbing forks into your wooden dining table, maybe just get plastic silverware for the time being, or get a cheap Goodwill table, so you don’t have to worry about managing that behavior. The more breaks you give your youth, the more breaks you give yourself. The fewer battles you pick, the more energy you have to pick the really important ones. Karyn Purvis talks about “filling the yes tank” - saying “yes” as often as possible, unless you really have a good reason not to.

All of this requires you to be trained and trauma informed. Therapeutic parenting is not “common sense,” it’s not “just do what your parents did,” it’s not even “how I raised my biological kids who came out fine. Therapeutic parenting requires an understanding of how trauma impacts the brain and body, and using evidence-based, goal-oriented strategies to respond to the youth’s needs. There’s a lot of creativity and flexibility and improvisation, but it has to be driven by a background awareness of what you’re trying to do, and why, and how. 

This ran long, so I’ll wrap it up here - if you have more questions about specific aspects of therapeutic parenting, please let me know!

[supercorps-imaginesetc]

Hi can you do promt 26 "I'm dying"? I love your other works a lot by the way.

flowers bloom until they rot

Masterlist

So anon wasn’t specific with what ship they wanted, so I went with Supercorp! (That is the name of this blog!) Just remember anon, if you aren’t happy with this you can always make another request! -Admin Lily

“I’m dying.”

Lena didn’t sugarcoat things. She was a scientist and a businesswoman, always focusing on facts and statistics. Not to say that she never felt emotions, but in this case it was better to be concentrated than emotional.

Kara was flabbergasted. She couldn’t believe her ears. 

“What?” she asks, slightly shaking. 

Lena sighs, “I have lung cancer.”

“Lung… cancer?” Kara’s head is racing. Lena couldn’t be dying. She was young and healthy and… indestructible! There was no comprehending it. 

“Yes, more specifically small cell lung cancer,” Lena sighs again. 

“Well,” Kara gulped, “how… long do you have?” Lena stared into her girlfriend’s eyes.

“A year, at the most.”

“A… year?” Kara couldn’t cry, she wouldn’t cry. Lena was standing here strong and unafraid while she was acting like a child. A year wasn’t that long though… and that was at the most. Kara sits down, putting her head in her hands.

“How did you find out? Why now?” the blond asks. 

“I…” Lena sits and continues, “started coughing up blood yesterday.”

Kara widens her eyes. “And you didn’t think to mention this yesterday!” 

Yesterday had been… oh god…

“It was our one year anniversary. I didn’t want to mess that up,” Lena admits and holds Kara’s hand. She laughs humorlessly.

“I suppose you could have told me on our anniversary,” Kara looks up with tears in her eyes. “That would have been romantic, right?” 

Lena pulls her girlfriend in for a hug. “Oh honey… I’m so sorry.”  “I.. just wanted more time,” Kara murmurs against her back.

“I know sweetheart, I know…” Lena was crying as well. She didn’t want to leave this beautiful woman. She didn’t want to think of a day where she couldn’t see that cheerful smile or those beautiful blue eyes shining at her. She wasn’t ready to give that up!

“What’s the shortest amount of time…” Kara couldn’t end the sentence. She didn’t know how. She didn’t know how to confront her lover’s sure demise. 

Lena couldn’t look at her. “Two months without treatment. Six months with it, but it all varies from case to case.”

“So it could be less…” Lena nods miserably in confirmation. 

“We should take you to the DEO!” Kara suddenly perks up. “They might have something that could-”

“Kara, honey,” Lena stops her. “I own a hospital. I’ve looked into cancer research myself… I seriously doubt even the most secret government agency is hiding the cure for cancer somewhere in an underground vault.” Kara’s eyes start watering again. 

“I just wish this was something I could. I mean, I’m Supergirl! That means I am strong and can fight off danger and protect my loved ones.” The blonde sobs, “but I can’t!”

Lena feels her heart clench for the sorrowful girl because wasn’t that true? Lena and Kara had survived so many life threatening situations… and now she was going to die. Not because there was a maniac who wanted her company, not because someone wanted to get revenge on Supergirl, but because she had cancer. Something she couldn’t bargain with nor her girlfriend could fight, It all just seemed so hopeless. 

So they sat there all night, crying into each other’s arms, knowing reassurances wouldn’t work because it wasn’t okay. It would never be okay again. 

[its-grundo-blog]

Cialis Cost Walmart

It may take some getting used to, but drinking room temperature or warmer water is a good first step toward being healthier. Besides, even if you own a ton of gold, and you have water and food covered, but those around you where you live have not, what exactly is it that you have bought yourself? There are innumerable cases when people receive emails about Viagra, Hoodia, Cialis, and many others when in fact they haven't even exerted any effort on searching for details on these. Items on sale will end when supplies are depleted from our warehouse so order today and save even more! The selectivity ratio vs PDE-5 is more than 10 000 for PDE-1 through PDE-4 and PDE-7 through PDE-10 and 780 for PDE-6. Ultimately, you should know that purchasing botox cosmetic injections either can enable you to have comfort or you could make your situation more intense. Why don’t 2 Unisom tablets make me sleep? They do it to make money. There are many tall claims made by the manufacturer, but there is no information about the money back guarantee and the company. After the merger all the profits that Cialis brought in went into the buffers of the newly christened company Lilly Icos. What is the Mechanism of Female Cialis ? Cialis is wickedly expensive, canadian online pharmacies and there is no generic in the US. These temperatures not generic cialis scam produced FL on Yahoo! It is a great alternative for brand and generic Cialis offered with Mango and Orange flavours. If a special extracts, which is not perform cialis 20mg is heart rate of malignant change. For example, the ED drug Cialis was introduced in the market by a joint venture of the drug companies Ely Lily and Icos. Virtually all drug development is financed by two sources: pharmaceutical firms and government agencies. Working Conditions Exposed to hazardous resolution in the Federal government of those WSIB (Workplace Safety Department of Justice. Pregnenolone thus offers great hope for men and women suffering from the above conditions of the mind and body. In few severe cases it may take 10 days to get complete relief from the bacteria. They are not buying it and giving it to their partner to take. The products like these are just among the most scammed ones. Learn about our latest products will be appearing around Connecticut. You usually start your symptoms, further from the date of 3 to 7 days, you will most of the infection. Now I just need to brush off my ego a bit. Free people to babysit your kids now and then. There are 11 tornanti in a row on the climb up to Ligosullo, averaging 9.5% with some stretches of 13%. This takes you up 360 meters in 4 km. When the thoughts are recorded, there is no need for your brain to hold on to them. Rhetorical Question: A statement formulated as a question whose answer is obvious or obviously desired and doesn't need to be answered. Kyle, you don't need a faraday cage for a battery. You might know that it is useful for the treatments for erectile dysfunction, but can it be effective because they are there any kind of side effects? These side effects include headache, dyspepsia, nasal congestion, myalgia, facial redness and local back pain. This medicine can be taken with food or without food, so there are no fixed rules about it. For example, the cardiovascular status of the patient is highly important, since there exists an association between cardiac risk and sexual activity. This is nothing to be shocked about. And the dollar is backed by nothing! While she read her book and I read emails, I got an urgent message that said, my time was up to respond to the updated version of hot mail. Some reports say the 89-year-old Dole 'is sick,' while others says he is in. Or at bare minimum that’s what they’re taught in the direction of say within negotiating groups. Some of them are very effective and others just don't seem to work as well as they are supposed to. Why don't antidepressants work for everyone? This is the a single avoid keep the place on your own can purchase all form of dresses for an Area towards produce it visual appearance eye-catching. How can the business be known when no advertising about it is made? I'm about as computer literate as Attila the Hun, or Queen Victoria, or one of those other blokes, so when I read it I though I'm so glad that when I don't understand anything I just delete the message. Metaphor: Compares two different things by speaking of one in terms of the other. Vitamin C - this help to form collagen which is very vital necessity for ensuring that the skin is rather fresh, smooth and healthy. They feel that they don't have the charm and seductive attraction some guys have.

[stardustreviews]

Blog All Day, Meme All Night

over a month ago, actual ray of sunshine @lynchmatthew​ tagged me in this and uhh i finally finished tweaking this blog so why not do it now!!

tagging @the-little-witches-books, @jostenne, @wylans, @pynchvinsky, and uhh anyone else who wants to!

╰☆╮1. YEET – which book would you yeet out of existence?

Highkey? A Court of Wings And Ruin. That was the book that made me realize that I just couldn’t read anymore Maas. I hated the way she wrote romance, how all her male characters were possessive, the half-hearted attempt at “representation”.

╰☆╮2. CRYING KIM K – which book gives you lots of feelings?

Girls Made of Snow and Glass by Melissa Bashardoust. I need to write a review for this at some point, but basically-- it’s an absolutely beautiful book, a feminist retelling of Snow White, and the mother-daughter relationship between Mina (the Wicked Queen character) and Lynet (the Snow White character) is meticulously, wonderfully crafted. I cannot recommend this book enough!

╰☆╮3. AMERICA, EXPLAIN – favourite book set outside the us?

The creator of this tag, @meriknihar​ definitely intended this to be an In-Unvierse question, so uhh,, Illuminae definitely counts, right? It takes place in our cosmos, just very far away in both time and distance. I just love how tight and unexpected the plots were, and the format they chose was so interesting

Otherwise, I’d say The Book Thief, which is set in Germany and made me cry my heart out.

╰☆╮4. RIP VINE – your saddest character death?

MAJOR ACOL SPOILERS AHEAD!!

A Darker Shade of Magic’s Holland Vosijk. V. E. Schwab created a beautiful, tragic character, and even thinking about him makes me sad again. He deserved the absolute fucking world, man.

╰☆╮5. WHAT ARE THOSE? – a book that left you confused?

Caraval by Stephanie Garber. It wasn’t that I didn’t get what was going on, but it was just too disorienting. The reader never really finds their footing in her story, and even at the end I was still not sure what was real and what was part of the performance. I don’t know, I guess I just felt like the protagonist’s agency didn’t mean anything when the rug was being pulled out from under everyone’s feet each chapter, and each twist seemed to negate the last. It was just too much.

╰☆╮6. BIG DICK ENERGY – favourite character with BDE?

It took me a while to figure this one out, but probably The Cruel Prince’s Jude Duarte. She will do whatever the fuck she can to get ahead, she refuses to be intimidated, and she’s an amazing Slytherin queen who is more than welcome to murder me if she wants.

╰☆╮7. I WON’T HESITATE BITCH – favourite book with a morally grey protagonist?

Vicious by V. E. Schwab. I read this the summer of my junior year and I fell in love with the story. She’s just,,, so good at crafting characters, and I need Vengeful now that it’s out.

╰☆╮8. MOVE, I’M GAY – favourite book featuring a lgbp+ romance?

Anyone who’s been around me for more than 2.3 seconds knows I am a weakass hoe for Labyrinth Lost by Zoraida Córdova. It’s a fun yet dark adventure novel featuring Latina witches, realistic and loving families, lots of magic, and the softest wlw couple I know. My heart belongs to Alex and Rishi.

╰☆╮9. STREET SMARTS – favourite book featuring a protagonist whose strength is their intelligence?

Bitterblue by Kristin Cashore! Bitterblue is a puzzle of a book about mysteries and healing, and unlike the warrior Katsa, the titular protagonist doesn’t have strength or survival instincts. Instead, she has a deep desire to do good, and the brains needed to get to the bottom of the wound her father left on her country. (A close second is An Enchantment of Ravens by Margaret Rogerson; it’s a delightful story about a painter spirited away to Fae territories, and she survives largely due to her cleverness. Plus the book has some wonderful reflections of stagnation vs progress and the price of immortality,,, would highly recommend.)

╰☆╮10. ALEXA PLAY DESPACITO – character death you were happy about?

Severus Snape from Harry Potter. I don’t care that he was on The Good Side, and I really don’t care that He Will Always Love Lily. Severus Tobias Snape is a toxic slimebag, and when he joined the Wizard Nazis and called his best friend/crush a fucking slur, got butthurt that she didn’t want to hang with him anymore. He was willing to let an innocent man and a fucking baby be brutally murdered to save Lily, and even after she clearly rejected him, refused to get over her and let it become creepy and borderline-obsessive. The whole thing where he tore a photo of the Potter family so he could have Lily’s picture and no one else’s? And where he tore off her signature too? What the fuck. Also he has the emotional maturity of a 12 year-old, taking his anger out on two innocent and already traumatized children, to the point where he was one of those children’s greatest fear that is not okay. Anyways he can choke.

╰☆╮11. THEN PERISH – a book you DNFed?

Snow Like Ashes. I didn’t get very far into it, but I remember the premise not really grabbing me, and then it was due back to the library and I didn’t really care enough to get it ever again.

☆╮12. KERMIT SIPPING TEA – a book that makes a statement?

The Rest of Us Just Live Here by Patrick Ness is a great one. It’s a story about being the side characters, the ones who aren’t the Chosen Ones who get sent on an epic quest against evil. They’re just people, dealing with real problems, mental health issues and conflict with friends, and Ness handles the subject with a deft sort of beauty.

The Twelve Little Cakes also qualifies, too. It’s a memoir of a woman’s childhood in a post-Stalinist USSR-era Czech Republic. Despite the depressing setting, Dery manages to write a book bursting with optimism, with belief in the goodness of people and a better world, and that persepctive is as refreshing s it necessary in this modern age.

╰☆╮13. SAME HAT – the character you relate to the most?

I had,,, a lot of trouble with this one, so I’m going to say that Lara Jean from To All the Boys Ive Loved Before really reminds me of my high school self. She daydreams a lot, loves The Aesthetic, is not very grounded in reality, Is Soft And Kinda Anxious. Sure, let’s say that.

╰☆╮14. OH WORM – a book you didn’t expect to love?

I’ll Give You The Sun by Jandy Nelson. I’m not normally a contemporary person, but I finished this book sobbing instead of working on a health essay. Books that have conflicts shaped like mysteries and puzzles, where personalities and situations clash in a way that looks a little bit like tragedy? Those are books are automatic favorites.

╰☆╮15. SHREK – favourite book featuring mythical creatures?

The Scorpio Races by Maggie Stiefvater revolves around the capaill uisce (aka kelpies). Stiefvater is brilliant with characters and atmosphere, so even though her books are more slow-paced, I was still absolutely enchanted.

[cntcrtainmcnt-blog]

Hello please don’t hate me and accept this other round of intros lmao

Also please plot with my babies they all need some love

BLAKE HUDSON looks an awful lot like ZAC EFRON. HE is TWENTY-SIX and while they’re CREATIVE, they have a tendency to get pretty IMPULSIVE. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to STRESSED OUT by TWENTY ONE PILOTS. ( val. 22. she/her. est. )

FIRST AND FOREMOST, BLAKE HUDSON HAS BEEN IN THE FOSTER SYSTEM SINCE HE WAS A KID. DOESN’T KNOW HIS PARENTS AND DOESN’T WANT TO KNOW THEM.

But, when he was around 13-14, he was adopted by a nice loving family that decided to take care of him.

It was nice while it lasted, but he soon realized his habits of going out and partying(when he was a little older ofc) were a lot to deal with, so he decided to move out.

And he ended up in a frat house, and honestly doesn’t remember what he was studying because he was always drunk or high, and like... hardcore partying all the time.

What he does know is that it’s then he discovered a passion for mixing tracks and DJing. And then he just quit college to spend all his time learning how to become a better DJ and shit. Also then he started to slowly stop using drugs until he was entirely clean, and hasn’t taken any since.

Now he’s definitely better, has a Youtube channel where he posts his stuff, and decided to move back to Kola, his hometown, since he believed being in California could help his building career.

Isn’t popular yet, but he does have a small fanbase building up.

ELENORE DUNSFORTH looks an awful lot like EMILIA CLARKE. SHE is TWENTY-SEVEN and while they’re FAIR, they have a tendency to get pretty BLUNT. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to NEVER GIVE UP by SIA. ( val. 22. she/her. est. )

Elenore was born the second in a somewhat wealthy family. She was raised to be fair and just to everyone, well-mannered and polite. But never was to become the heiress of their company.

But at 16, there was a terrible crash, in which her parents and older brother died, while she was the only survivor. So she was to become the heiress, but only once she turned 18.

Until then, her uncle(WC PLEASE) took over, as well as caring and protecting her. But she could also tell he was only trying to persuade her to give him the company. That was then she started to lose her politeness, or at least, depending on the situation.

At 18, once she got full reins of the company, she booted out her uncle to continue what her parents had started. She still has a lot to learn and do, but she’s being trying to make it grow, starting by buying some smaller restaurants or hotels.

But obviously, it’s not that easy and people are desperatly trying to make her fail.

EVELYN MCDONALD looks an awful lot like ELIZABETH OLSEN. SHE is TWENTY-FIVE and while they’re CHARMING, they have a tendency to get pretty MANIPULATIVE. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to FALL IN LINE by CHRISTINA AGUILERA&DEMI LOVATO. ( val. 22. she/her. est. )

Honestly, I haven’t fully worked out the details for her. I’m thinking only child in an average family, but then she ended up watching her father disrespect her mom and just be an ass and cheat on her so not a nice family.

Then her mom starting dating more and more assholes so that didn’t help.

Never went to college, but I can definitely see her working in a bar, either as a barmaid or even a pole dancer.

Bisexual who loves her women but also loves to destroy her men the way her father did with her mom. Overall, very good with her girlfriends but the worst with her boyfriends because she just remembers what her dad did.

Wesley’s ex, she particularly enjoys going back to him just to destroy him a little more. @shtbgs

FINLAY AINSWORTH looks an awful lot like JACK FALAHEE. HE is TWENTY-EIGHT and while they’re ELOQUENT, they have a tendency to get pretty DECEITFUL. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to SOBER by DEMI LOVATO. ( val. 22. she/her. est. )

Okay let me tell you something about this sad boy: both his parents were junkies, and he was a complete accident. His mother did slow down on drugs and alcohol while she was bearing him, but didn’t completely stopped. So everyone was obviously greatly surprised when he was born in great health.

But it started getting more complicated later. As a kid, he was a nice kid, actually had to mature early since both his parents were useless. But then came sophomore year and his problems started. A new kid(WC HELLO) transferred, one who was already deep in his addiction. He brought Finlay in with him, and it wasn’t long he was addicted too. And obviously, his parents didn’t seem to care.

Barely finished high school, never went to college, instead taking on small shitty jobs here and there. Honestly, anything he could get.

He ODed three times before he was forced to rehab. First few days, weeks, were hard, but he soon realized he wasn’t on a good path. Honestly, rehab was the hardest thing he did, but now he’s a 100% clean and feels so much better.

Currently waiting table in a restaurant, but is considering applying to college, although he doesn’t know which major he would like.

JANIS CRAWFORD looks an awful lot like EVANGELINE LILLY. SHE is THIRTY-SIX and while they’re RESOURCEFUL, they have a tendency to get pretty UNRELIABLE. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to BAD LIAR by KREWELLA. ( val. 22. she/her. est. )

A lot of Janis’ early life is pretty average. Although she was born as Mary-Elizabeth Grimes. She had a lovely family, an older sister and a younger brother, good grades, her life was perfect.

She married her college boyfriend, who was a few years older, once she graduated, even if her parents did not agree. They thought she was only marrying for his wealth, when she actually really loved him.

But then they tried to have a kid a few years later, but it didn’t work. Some tries later, still nothing. So they went to the doctors, and it was then she discovered she was infertile.

Instead, the two decided they would adopt, and raise the kid as their own. But the worker(I WILL KILL FOR THIS WC) from the adoption agency had other plans. You see, it took a very serious interest in her, as far as making advances to her. And she couldn’t deny she didn’t hate it either.

But that’s when it turned creepy: when he started saying they could just run away, change names, take the money of her husband. But she never thought he would do it. Turned out he did, when she came back to an actual crime scene in her living room, her husband’s body on the floor and the man just waiting for her.

She managed to escape to her neighbours, who called the cops and kept her safe for the time being. Of course when the cops arrived, the man was gone.

For her own safety, she decided to change name for Janis Crawford, and is only now arriving in Kola.

LIAM JONES looks an awful lot like JAI COURTNEY. HE is THIRTY and while they’re APPROACHABLE, they have a tendency to get pretty DARK. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to PUMPED UP KICKS by FOSTER THE PEOPLE. ( val. 22. she/her. est. )

Sad puppy, son of a military and a nurse. He never got to see his dad much until he died. Still, he was happy with his mom and his younger brother, even if she sometimes struggled to keep everything under control.

It was only them three, but he could tell it was hard for her with her job. So he decided to grow up early to help her. And for him, that meant being able to bring as much money as he could home. He started with a few small cleaning or painting jobs before moving to bigger ones.

In his junior year, he started going to underground fights, gambling on the matches. A habit that never left.

After graduating, he moved in with his high school sweetheart, but still kept on sending money to his family.

Few years later, Liam actually opened up his own underground fighting ring. It wasn’t long until it was big enough to rival any other. He started adding more to it, including gambling card games and the likes. His girlfriend knew, but she did not mind: she actually sometimes helped with it.

At 27, he became a father or a beautiful young girl. But sadly, three years later, she was killed, along with his then wife. The owner of a rival ring(WC DO I HAVE TO MENTION) was trying by all means to destroy him, and sent his lackey to do the job. What was originally planned was for them to only kidnap the two, but they went further than the orders. 

It has now been 5 months, and Liam has allied with his previous rival to find the lackeys, since they now both have something to hate together.

LILIANE “LILY” AUSTIN looks an awful lot like AISHA DEE. SHE is TWENTY-FOUR and while they’re AGREEABLE, they have a tendency to get pretty MISERABLE. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to DON’T TALK ABOUT IT by TOVE LO. ( val. 22. she/her. est. )

Family of 5, Lily was the youngest. They were not incredibly poor, but they weren’t rich either. Some months were harder than others.

Lily’s always tried to be the best she could, in school and socially. She was part of a few clubs and the cheer squad during high school.

She got into communication on a scholarship, and was asked to pledge to one of the sororities. It originally wasn’t her plan, but the girls seemed genuinely nice. At first, at least. Turned out they only wanted a scholarship student to raise the average of their house.

Still, despite only originally being accepted as a sister for her grades, the others started loving her for who she was and included her in their plans.

Which turned out horribly during her third year. A small group of them, 6 to be exact(WC, 4 SINCE ONE IS LILY AND ONCE IS... NOT PLAYABLE ANYMORE), took a weekend off to a cabin in the woods(always a good start for a horror story). They were drinking quite a lot, and didn’t have all their minds. They decided to go swimming, deciding to jump off the cliff and into the water. But they didn’t check how deep it was, and the first one to jump hit her head on a sharp stone. Seeing as she wasn’t responding, the girls got scared and went the secure way to the water. Only to find her dead.

Refusing to be caught for this, they buried her body deep into the woods, along with all her clothing. Of course, her disappearance went noticed, but when asked, they said she didn’t come back with them, only saying she wanted to take a small roadtrip down south.

Now, Lily works in communication for a small enterprise and lives with a lot of remorse for what she did.

MONICA HUNT looks an awful lot like FELICITY JONES. SHE is THIRTY-ONE and while they’re SWEET, they have a tendency to get pretty ABSENTMINDED. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to NOBODY’S HOME by AVRIL LAVIGNE. ( val. 22. she/her. est. )

Sweet, sweet child who never truly grew up. She was born two months early, and her parents always thought something was wrong with her, although no doctors diagnosed her with anything. She only grew up to be naive, a tad childish, and completely absentminded.

But Monica’s parent’s didn’t know what to do with her. She couldn’t focus on anything, never paid attention to anything. They usually had to repeat everything twice to her. They were desperate, and honestly couldn’t deal with her. And as soon as she turned 18, they were gone.

It was coming back from classes that Monica found the house emtirely empty, apart from her own things, on her birthday. She thought it was just a bad joke, and didn’t say anything for a few weeks. Lived off the food her parents left behind, and ordered pizza.

It was only when she was asked if her parents would be attending her graduation that she mentioned they’d been gone for weeks. But she 18 now, and had to take care of herself.

So she got a small job in a clothing shop, sold the house and moved to a small place with a roommate(WC GIVE HER A FRIEND).

Now she’s working as a barmaid in a club, has never been to college, and never heard of her parents.

NATALIE CALLOWAY looks an awful lot like JENNA COLEMAN. SHE is THIRTY-THREE and while they’re CARING, they have a tendency to get pretty ASSERTIVE. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to DARK HORSE by KATY PERRY. ( val. 22. she/her. est. )

Please welcome the queen of double-face. In a somewhat good way. She always enjoyed helping the people she loved, without telling them it was her. Any way she could, she would do it.

She was loved by most people, although some of the popular kids never enjoyed her cheerfulness. She didn’t care though.

After graduating high school, she decided to study to become a criminal investigator. Even though she ended up marrying Grayson Calloway, aka pretty much into crimes. @sinraised

But she really damn loves him like crazy, and is willing to put even her job on the line for him. AKA, without him knowing, she uses her job to kind of conceal/destroy/manipulate pieces of evidence that could trace back to him or his crime ring?

Otherwise, she just appears like a pretty normal investigator, and a very normal, loving woman in general.

She actually goes to the crime ring once in a while, and people there know she isn’t going to rat them out and she can be trusted.

REBECCA BLACKSTONE looks an awful lot like ELIZA TAYLOR. SHE is TWENTY-FOUR and while they’re CARING, they have a tendency to get pretty NAIVE. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to ROCKABYE by CLEAN BANDIT&SEAN PAUL&ANNE-MARIE. ( val. 22. she/her. est. ) 

Okay this one is supposed to be Hadley’s half sibling, so basically, her mom would’ve had her with a rockstar, and she never knew him. @ofadorations

She was raised alone by her mom, but saw a lot of men come in and out of her life everyday. So she never knew what it was like to have a full family.

She did alright in school, not the best grades but it satisfying enough for her mother. Still, never got to keep a relationship for more than a few weeks.

After high school, she went to study zoology, but had to stop abruptely. During a party, Rebecca got drunk and slept with some guy(WC IMAGINE THE ANGST), she doesn’t even remember who, exactly. But from that incident came another: she was pregnant.

Her mother was terribly disappointed in her, seeing as she was doing the same mistakes she did, and decided she would not help her with money anymore. So Becca stopped her studies and took on a waiting job in a restaurant. Which she came back to after her son was old enough to be left with a nanny.

She’s currently struggling a lot with money and keeping her life on tracks okay she needs someone to help her.

Also if you bring her a Bob Morley, Alycia Debnam-Carey, Thomas McDonell, or literally anyone from The 100 I will love you so much??

STEVEN BLAKE looks an awful lot like TOM HARDY. HE is THIRTY-NINE and while they’re RELIABLE, they have a tendency to get pretty ERRATIC. You’ve probably seen them around Kola listening to MR BRIGHTSIDE by THE KILLERS. ( val. 22. she/her. est. )

Okay you know the Transporter movies with Jason Statham? Well, that’s what he does.

When he was 17, his girlfriend(WC THAT WOULD BE ADORABLE) fell pregnant. For the time being, their parents helped them financially so they could just take on a part-time job while still being able to continue to study.

But as soon as they turned 18, it was over, and they obviously couldn’t go to college, not with a baby(WC OKAY THAT CHILD WOULD BE LIKE 21-ISH NOW) and barely any money. So while she went to work in restaurant, he started as a taxi driver.

And then moved on to more serious business. He carried a man once, when he was about 23, that decided he wanted only him as his driver. So from taxi driver, he turned into a more private one. He was starting to be trusted by his clients.

And then he got tasked to deliver a package, an important one. He was to not look at it under any circumstance. Word started travelling that Steven Blake was a secure and reliable deliverer and driver, so it became kind of his small underground business.

But that wasn’t safe, he saw that a few deliveries later when he was actually attacked. Not wanting to take any risks for his family, he signed for divorce, despite still being deeply in love with his wife and his kid.

Okay so obviously maybe not as much of a badass as Jason is in the movies, but still one. He knows how to fight and use guns so I wouldn’t mess with him tbh.

[erhiem]

Already pandemic memorial tattoos are on the rise: sound waves from the last voicemail before undergoing COVID-19 complications; a masked nurse like a god; “I survived a global pandemic and I just got this stupid tattoo.” But the coronavirus also changed how we’re getting tattooed in less obvious ways. A year of trauma has imprinted on us thoughts of solidarity and empathy, and shops and studios flooding in as customers – artists across America with doubling of inquiries and bookings compared to the summer of 2019 – have been a trauma-informed one. The approach is taking hold.

The country’s 20,000 tattoo shops close their doors for months, some all year. With the reopening, they are making up for lost income and postponed appointments. Clinical counselor and trauma therapist Jordan Pickel wasn’t surprised to hear that the Instagram bios of many tattoo artists read “Books Closed” for another reason. Not only did we experience a pandemic, but the global death toll continues to rise. Survivors’ guilt and surrounding anxiety are feelings that settle in the body and stay there, even if we don’t notice them. Covering the body with symbols to see is a form of resistance and an act of recovery after a crisis.

“When something traumatic happens, it can shatter a person’s sense of security or stability, the idea that the world is a just place. Tattoos communicate ‘I have changed’ or ‘my worldview has changed,'” ‘” says Jordan. “Healing from trauma is multi-layered and self-determined, which means you get to decide what your healing process looks like. Getting a tattoo can totally play a role in emotional transformation.”

Photo courtesy of Alicia Chung

“I protect myself by decorating myself. It’s armor,” says Alicia Chung, a 24-year-old art student and accountability facilitator in Vancouver, Canada. Since restrictions were eased last fall, he’s been getting new inks almost every week, often occupied by his growing network of friends in private tattoo studios who run a rotary machine. A lot of his pieces make no sense, and he thinks he might as well be stupid — a spider on his elbow, a mud gun with a halo, a sexy peanut, “fast and furious” above the crotch — but the point is Alicia Chosen them. “It’s my weird, twisted way of gaining autonomy.”

The sudden and complete absence of autonomy is the hallmark of the pandemic era. This is at the root of complaints from anti-mascars and anti-vaxxers. This seemed to be the central conflict – even more powerful than the disease – of the quarantine essays written from vacation homes. Our newfound autonomy in a now-reopened society is stressing us out, creating FOMO in some and a fear of being left out in others. Emphasis on self-determination has always been a reason for getting tattoos, but in the post-pandemic scenario it has taken on new meaning.

“When my studio reopened in August, I was worried that people wouldn’t come,” says Ocean Sing, an artist based in Brooklyn, New York. “But more people wanted tattoos than before the pandemic. I think there was a zest for practicing agency, and I ended up getting tattooed on a lot of designs that people said they wanted for years. “

Psychologically, periods of separation and pause can act as a value reset. “Many of us had never faced the reality of ‘life is short,’ which leads to ‘why not’ decisions,” Jordan explains. For those who had money left over from government stimulus checks after paying rent and debt, getting a tattoo was something exciting.

Part of why Alicia has been under the needle so often is that the restaurant they work at has temporarily closed, the school has gone virtual and parties have been cancelled. They had too much time and too little socialization. “That’s when I can take a little rest or allow myself to rest,” he says. “It got to a point where I didn’t mind spending the money to get them all” [tattoos] Because I’m paying for those four hours to be on the table and get professional service. We become intimate and vulnerable but it maintains this customer relationship because I am paying for their trust and interaction. And the isolated pain of a billion vibrations.”

As social beings, we have suffered the loss of non-pod contact. Ocean could still sketch in lockdown if he had the energy, but couldn’t tell Miyazaki to chat with a stranger about movies while by the bathroom. spirited Away on their back. (“I prefer customs these days because they’re so cooperative,” he explains.) We remembered our third-tier friends, the people we laid eyes on the subway from and the professionals we called expertise. was paid instead.

Photo courtesy of Ocean Sing

“Tattoos are an experience you’ll never forget,” says Detroit artist and shop owner Chrissy the Butcher, who’s engaged anytime in her 13-year career. “You’re nervous, the adrenaline rushing. People want that feeling again. i have designed [my shop] So that it’s so quiet, people can bring their friends… there’s a vibe to it.”

According to Jordan, physical intimacy is an important part of restoration even after trauma. “Being around other people is a way that we co-regulate, which means our bodies go back into a sense of groundedness and security. It’s not something we really do on our own. ” For artists who see themselves as healers, this understanding comes first.

Jude Le Tronick specializes in flora and fauna – as nature was “a major healer” in his life – and does freehand blackwork exclusively from private studios established in Seattle. “Freehanding is for me and for the client. I think it’s a respectful process to be fully present.” Judd, which provides free scar cover-up tattoo services to survivors of domestic or sexual violence, believes that tattooists are not therapists, but still have stories of inner pain emanating from their clients. There should be room for

In Tamara Santibanez’s phenomenal manifesto/guidebook/love letter Could this be magic? tattooing as emancipation, published in March and developed from discussion groups conducted during the pandemic, they claim that a tattoo shop has the potential to be a significant site of community building and change. Historically, that ability has been undermined by a masculine culture lacking tenderness. There’s a dispute between street shops and DIY private studios, between artists asking you for consent to shave and between artists who photograph your lower back while you’re oblivious. Lily, 20, knew that for a memorial tattoo of her cousin who died by suicide during the quarantine, she wanted to patronize a queer-led shop and get a tattoo done by a non-male artist. “When I was doing this I didn’t have to worry about anyone maybe attacking me,” she says.

We are in a unique moment of systemic change and the impact of the pandemic on the future of tattoo spaces is beginning to show. For many, this is taking a trauma-informed direction; For others, a selfish fight-or-flight. Pat Fish has been tattooing for 37 years, and she estimates that the dozen tattoo studios around the Santa Barbara Valley have shrunk to six since Covid hit. “I think everyone else is advertising on Craigslist that they’ll be visiting a house, a completely unwell condition. The major effect of the pandemic is that people realized ‘I’m going to have to inspect me once a year. Why should I pay $380 to the health department?’ They are not taking their responsibility as an agent of change seriously.”

“The old thing was you were grassroots because you want someone randomly walking to hear the sound, buzzzz, and to intrigue in the door,” Pat continues. “Now I think, ‘I don’t want you to move, who are you?’ If I’m going to have face-to-face contact with people, let it be that.

A safe space requires acknowledging the dynamic force between the tattooer and the client. When Ocean holds a stencil, for example, they tell the client it’s not a big deal to move or replace, they won’t go crazy. “When I was getting my first tattoo, I was afraid to ask for what I wanted. Even if you’re not traumatized, it’s a scary thing to be in a situation where a stranger might notice your presence. Changes forever.”

Getting a tattoo has always been scary for some people. Jade Bell is a Los Angeles tattoo artist and illustrator who grew up seeing her mother being deprived of shops for being a black woman. When they found an aspiring artist, they weren’t necessarily trained appropriately. “I literally saw a girl give my mom a keloid scar because she didn’t know how to work with darker skin tones,” Jade says.

America’s “plague years” included one of the largest protest movements in the country’s history, making it impossible to close the ongoing racial count. This resonated throughout the tattoo community, as Instagram infographics circulated resources for inking various skin pigments and white artists were singled out for a culturally appropriation flash.

Photo courtesy of Chrissy the Butcher

“People started to realize they had no black art [tattoo] collection,” says Jade. “I asked my partner, ‘Hey, can you name five Blacks’ [tattoo] artist’s?’ we could not. ‘What about five famous tattoo models who are black?’ We couldn’t think of anyone at all.”

Luckily Jade is a Virgo, so she was fearless at the idea of ​​changing the culture herself. “I like to represent myself in the things I love. I had never seen black women drawn in the portrayal style that I see other women drawn all the time. I’m four-eyed black girls.” I am developing my universe.”

Chrissy the Butcher lives and works in Detroit, America’s largest black-majority city. Over the past year, she has seen ideas about race and society make their way onto the body. “Tattoos help people heal from generational trauma. It causes you to research the imagery presented by our ancestors. I see people getting African symbols with the turn of 2021, and I’m getting that tattoo. I’m building what I love and know, anything that relates to the black female form.”

A common counterargument is ‘Why remind yourself of your hardship on your body?’ “I’m thinking about it anyway,” says Kansas City physician Jesse Lee. “My trauma defines a lot of who I am and I was offended by it. Now I’m really happy [for it] Because I love who I am now.”

In February, Jesse got a bicep tattoo of a plant blooming from a can of tomatoes. For years, she pointed to her “nonsense childhood” without actually addressing it. When someone described her trauma to her as a jar of rotten tomatoes that gained more and more pressure over time, until the lid burst and the juices spilled everywhere, Jesse summed it up in a poem. Changed. After a one-year hiatus, in which she finally stuck with therapy and did things she wouldn’t allow herself to do as a fat woman – like roller skating, wearing crop tops, and considering her body a canvas – She was ready to make it a permanent reminder.

“People have experienced more trauma in the last five or so years than I think we have ever experienced collectively. Just by going to the Internet we are constantly digesting other people’s traumas,” Jesse says. A tattoo becomes a positive part of your story.”

It is beautiful to see collective grief metamorphose when we heal individually. “So much healing from trauma involves humor, at least for me,” Alicia says. “People ask me what I’ll think of my sexy Peanuts tattoo in 30 years. Maybe I look back and say to myself, ‘You could probably love yourself a little more, apparently it’s yours’ There was a way to compete. I think it’s nice to have a mark of remembrance for being a wrinkled old woman with a portrait made during a crazy time in the world.”

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