#and thus not look stupid trying to think of a male character for 5 minutes if somebody asks for my like favorite boy

[moonsinkfoxgirl]

[neroushalvaus]

Top 10 favourite characters from any fandom

I was tagged by @limalepakko , thank you! Since I have recently listed male characters here (or you know, in August, but we all know time hasn't been a thing for many moons), I took the liberty to list characters in general this time. I also went with which characters feel right at the moment, so does not show all my favourites. I also try to keep these short. (edit: okay so these are not remotely short, I will post a list first and have the explanations be under the cut, read if you want to hear my ramblings c': )

1. Fantine, Les Misérables 2. Javert / Jean Valjean, Les Misérables (yes i am cheating) 3. Carrie "Big Boo" Black, Orange Is the New Black 4. Jane Marple, Agatha Christie's Marple 5. Aunt Lydia, The Handmaid's Tale 6. Bridget Jones, Bridget Jones books & movies 7. Rock Lee, Naruto 8. Sarah O'Brien, Downton Abbey 9. Marilla Cuthbert, Anne of Green Gables / Anne with an E 10. Sister Monica Joan, Call the Midwife

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1. Fantine, Les Misérables

I love Fantine with all my heart. I remember reading Les Mis for the first time and her story sending chills down my spine. Her character development makes me so sad, from a girl who falls hard and fast and won't deny anything from her lover, to a woman who is so beaten down by society that she can't do anything but laugh at her fate. But I love how she doesn't lose her pride or her fighting spirit and how she still has the guts to spit in Valjean's face when she sees him after being arrested. And I love how all she does is for her daughter and how despite selling "the gold on her head and the pearls in her mouth" she is content, because all that matters to her is that Cosette will live.

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2. Javert & Jean Valjean, Les Misérables

I was really trying to limit this list to one character per fandom, but alas, I am but a weak little person. Thus, I am cheating already. The thing is that when it comes to Les Mis characters, Fantine, Javert and Valjean are the eternal top 3 for me, but I'm never quite able to say who I love the most. Last time I picked Javert for the male character meme because I love the symbolism and critique of society his character embodies, but let it be known that Jean Valjean is the best character in all of literature and I will fight you on this. The original soft on crime icon (aside from Jesus Christ but they're the same and you know it). Valjean's character journey is such a complicated one from an ordinary man (no worse than any man) to a person, who had been shaped by society and criminal justice system to be a very dangerous man, to someone you could compare to a saint if you wanted to... To an ordinary man, who would do anything for his daughter. He has so many character-defining moments, the biggest ones being in my opinion the trial of Champmathieu and letting Javert go instead of killing him. I just love Jean Valjean so much and could speak about him for hours.

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3. Carrie "Big Boo" Black, Orange Is the New Black

Hopping away from the Les Mis hole and into a OITNB hole. I was debating on whether I'd put Boo or Pennsatucky on this list since I love them both so much, but I've been feeling so much love for my angry butch king that it had to be her. First of all, I'm just so happy to see butch lesbian representation where the butch identity is not just a joke. I know OITNB sometimes uses Boo questionably, but in general she is a nuanced character and one of the most interesting ones in the series in my opinion. I'm so sad they forgot all about her on the last seasons. I love everything about her, how she has trouble with feelings besides anger and often deflects serious stuff through humor, how fiercely protective she is of those she loves (boosatucky otp forever fucking fight me), how proud she is of her butch identity ("i refuse to be invisible")... Also, not to express attraction, but... Mama I'm in love with a criminal. And not to be a slut for how characters view religion/spirituality/God, but the relieved smile she has in one of her flashbacks when she says "there's no God... there's nothing", like you can't just do stuff like that and expect me not to love the character to bits.

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4. Jane Marple, Agatha Christie's Marple

Last time I listed Poirot and was a bit frustrated I couldn't list Marple, but now it's time to right that wrong! I love this little old lady so much. I love Agatha Christie so much for just going "you know who is the person who knows everything that's going on in a community, and thus would make the perfect detective for a detective story? the nosy old woman". As she is introduced in The Murder at the Vicarage: "Miss Marple is a white-haired old lady with a gentle, appealing manner — Miss Weatherby is a mixture of vinegar and gush. Of the two Miss Marple is much more dangerous." She is so likable and witty, you can't help but love her. My favourite portrayal of her is by Geraldine McEwan, she looks so gentle but has such a sharp gaze. I would spill all my secrets to her any day. I also am compelled to tell you that when I was a child we had a costume party at my school and I dressed up as Marple and learned some old lady things in English (it was before third grade so I didn't know much English back then) just for the occasion (such as "thank you, my dear", "what a lovely necklace you are wearing" or "there has been a murder"). Teacher might have thought me rather morbid but I remember that day being quite good.

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5. Aunt Lydia, The Handmaid's Tale

The Handmaid's Tale is such a great series and a book and Aunt Lydia is such a great character. The way she's capable of being absolutely cruel and vicious, but how she is also protective and caring in her own way. One of my favourite scenes in this series is when Serena Joy (my other favourite, can you tell) tells Lydia to "remove the damaged ones" from a line of handmaids and Lydia tries to argue with her. Sure, she is responsible for some of the punishments these women are now "damaged" by, but she truly believes those punishments were for a greater good and now the handmaids deserve their place with the others as much as anyone else. It is chilling and the character is such a dark shade of morally gray, but I can't get enough of it. The actress who plays her, Ann Dowd, has so interesting thoughts about her, like here. I just love this character so much I could scream.

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6. Bridget Jones, Bridget Jones books & movies

I'm mostly talking about the movies here because Renée Zellweger's performance is iconic. Plus the movies are what made me love this character first. But I'll give it to the books, they're one of the few books I've laughed out loud while reading. Anyway, how do you even begin explaining the love I have for Bridget Jones... I love how she is a character so many people can relate but who would be a comic relief side character in some other story. Yes, yes, it is really bad that she is constantly described as fat when she really is not, but when I was growing up she gave me hope that people who are viewed as fat and/or unattractive by other people can be admired and appreciated, and they don't have to be super talented at everything and highly intelligent and some kind of a super smooth social butterfly to "make up" for what they "lack". And also that they can have standards (i once dodged a bullet by rejecting someone by pretty much subconsciously quoting Bridget Jones so..). I also love how the comedic tone of everything does not dismiss Bridget's feelings. For example in some other movie we maybe would concentrate on how "stupid" Bridget was to trust that Daniel was in love with her, but in Bridget Jones we concentrate on how Bridget was hurt by Daniel cheating on her, how he is the one who did wrong. Idk I just love Bridget Jones so very much can you tell.

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7. Rock Lee, Naruto

Aka the boy who would have kicked Madara in the balls if Kishimoto had any sense of drama and good storytelling. I think I robbed Lee by not putting him on the fav male characters list. You know that post that goes like "gays be like 'these are my comfort characters', 1 literal ray of sunshine, 2 war criminal" etc? This child is the sunshine. I've been reading and watching Naruto again ( @hapanmaitogai is my sideblog for that nonsense) and I'm so ready to adopt Lee and/or Gai. Rock Lee is just such an earnest character, he has a goal he will give anything to achieve and he's the one true underdog in this manga. I love how he's so kind and polite (it's not so clear in English but in the Finnish translation he speaks as formally as he does in Japanese, he uses singular polite "you", calls Sakura "Sakura-neiti" = "Miss Sakura" etc... i love one polite boy). Also, he has the best fights in the series. Like Lee vs Gaara is a Classic, but we simply can't forget that time Lee absolutely crushed Sasuke in just a few minutes, or that time he politely asked Kimimaro not to kill him while he drinks his medicine. The best boy. I love that boy so much.

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8. Sarah O'Brien, Downton Abbey

Last time it was Thomas' turn, so now I must talk about the snakiest snake, the queen of weaponized handmaidenry, Miss O'Brien. She is such a great character especially in the first two seasons (I obviously love her on season three as well but Julian Fellowes really tried to make it hard by not explaining her actions at all, didn't he. Well, luckily I am ready to stuff the gaps with my headcanons). She has some of the best comebacks in the series and brings some needed realism in some conversations. I also love how she uses her position as a lady's maid for her advantage and how she is proud of her profession despite being highly aware of the power structures in the Abbey. And then there is the soap. That is such a good character moment, because for a character who always plans ahead, who is ruthless and cunning and intelligent... I don't think O'Brien thought about the soap thing at all before she left the room ("Sarah O'Brien, this is not who you are" hit me like a train). Just once she did something with nothing but anger motivating her and that became one of the defining moments of her character. And one of the defining things of the future relationship between her and Cora. That's why I find the Sarah/Cora ship so interesting, because there will always be the undercurrent of bitter regret. Also Sarah O'Brien and Thomas Barrow are the greatest brotp and Fellowes was a coward for driving the smoking scheming gay best friends apart, and

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9. Marilla Cuthbert, Anne of Green Gables / Anne with an E

I'm not saying L.M. Montgomery is entirely responsible for me having a fondness for strict, older women who first act unkind but have a heart of gold, but she most certainly did not help. Between characters like Marilla Cuthbert and Elizabeth Murray, how can you not fall in love with the type? It's been a while since I read the Anne series, but I really love how Marilla's character has been adapted into the Anne with an E tv series. Geraldine James looks like she was born to play her, she has me in tears so often. She has the ability to portray someone like Marilla, who is a very hard and stern person but feels deeply for her loved ones. I was watching the episode that dealt with Matthew's heart attack and Marilla berating her brother while hugging herself like she was trying so hard to hold herself together absolutely destroyed my heart.

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10. Sister Monica Joan, Call the Midwife

It was a tough choice between her and Sister Evangelina. I just love these nuns very much. Sister Monica Joan is such a lovable and wise character. She is so knowledgeable of many subjects, from the Bible to astrology, and I feel like her unspecified memory problems and confusion are handled very tastefully. I also love how she's such an important part of her community despite not working as a midwife anymore. She is such a kind woman and gets visibly upset when others are treated poorly. And how could I not mention her saying "I do not believe in weeds. A weed is simply a flower that someone decides is in the wrong place", like... I love her so so much.

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I won't tag anyone, but if you read this and you want to do this, consider yourself tagged and you're no allowed to mark me as the one who tagged you!

[what-is-your-plan-today]

CSI: Rogers and Barnes- The Serious Cereal Serial Killer

Episode 9- On The Low 

Co written with @icanfeelastormbrewing​

Episode Summary: Steve and Katie face work whilst trying to keep their relationship under wraps, and a familiar face enters the team for one day only... 

Episode Warnings: Bad Language words. SMUT (NSFW) and mentions of inappropriate behaviour with animals (nothing graphic, we promise!) NO UNDER 18s!!!!

Episode Pairings:  Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark 

Song for Episode:  Don’t Stop Believing by Journey

A/N: This is a LONG chapter guys, but it’s starting to ramp things up in the investigation so…bear with us! And yeah, we have no idea how suspect banking accounts work so roll with us  here…this is all a load of bullshit for fan-fic purposes and humour anyway so…give it us as creative license!!! Oh and get ready for another Chris character to make an appearance… whether or not you’ve seen The Losers, we hope this makes you laugh as much as it did us when we wrote it!!

As always we live for re-blogs and comments  

CSI Rogers and Barnes Master List // Main Masterlist 

Streetlights people, livin' just to find emotion. Hidin’ somewhere in the night 

The door to the briefing room flew open and Steve turned to see Katie walk in, dressed in her usual jeans, button down and vest top combination along with those damned boots. Her badge which was round her neck on the issued chain swung slightly as she turned and shut the door.

“You’re late.” Steve said a little harshly. She looked at him, arranging her face into a contrite expression and nodded.

“Sorry, no excuse. I didn’t get much sleep last night…”

Steve kept his face straight as she sidled into a seat at the large table next to Bucky who was smirking slightly.

“Where the hell have you been?” Tony looked at her “Kiddo, I ain’t seen you since Saturday morning.” “Busy.” she replied.

“Doing what, or should I say who? You been with Storm?”

“No, Narnia…” she replied simply.

“Narnia?” Tony frowned, looking puzzled.

“Yeah, Narnia business….” The rest of the team sniggered and Steve didn’t miss the look on Wanda’s face as she eyed Katie up and down, a soft smirk flickered across the red head’s face. Deciding he needed to take control as Tony and Katie had now started to bicker, Tony pointing out angrily that he wasn’t running a bed and breakfast for her or whatever biker gang she was running around with, he coughed and raised his voice.

“I’m not interested in your lack of sleep or your domestic arrangements Stark.” he said sternly, crossing his arms in front of him, levelling her his best Captain’s look as the room fell quiet “I’ll see you in my office after. You can explain yourself then.” She made a show of rolling her eyes before she shrugged “Yes Captain.” but he caught the unmistakable flash in her eye and he hastily looked away before certain parts of his anatomy reacted a little bit inappropriately.

He handed over to Tony who gave a bit of a briefing on what they had found on the latest body, which as usual didn’t give them much. Then Katie and Natasha told everyone what they knew about Schmidt so far and how it was looking likely that the case was linked to Rumlow’s, but that they would know more once Jensen had been up to take them through what he had found on the phones.

“I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that this needs to stay on the low.” Steve said. “I don’t want the press getting a sniff of this being connected to the old case, certainly not until we can 100% make that connection.” “I’ve also been thinking…” Katie said, looking at Steve “We need to speak to Sara Klein. Just to see if she’s heard or seen anything. I know the pattern so far is all about males and we may not have any logical reason to assume she’s in any danger but…well…” Steve looked at her and nodded “Ok, you do what you need to do and track her down,  I’ll speak to Holt seeing as the case was originally the Nine-Nines, give him the low down on what we’re dealing with and that we’ll be digging around again.” “I know this might sound like a stupid question but is there any merit in going to speak to Rumlow?” Clint asked, lounging back in the chair he was sat on “I mean he might be able to help…” Katie snorted “There’s no way he’ll help us.”

“But it might be worth a shot?” Clint looked at her “I mean, if this is connected to his case, he’s bound to know something. Doors open both ways…”

“It’s a good point Clint.” Steve said “Something to bear in mind for the future, but for the time being, until we can one hundred percent confirm a link we’ll keep it on the backburner.”

Clint nodded at his Captain and then Steve glanced round.

“Anything else?”

Silence.

“Ok Avengers, dismissed.” Everyone began to file out, Katie walking with Natasha talking about something. Steve headed back to his office, gave it 5 minutes before he emerged, casually rolling the dial as he did so ensuring that the blinds which adorned the window that looked out into the main area were closed enough so that no one could see inside. It wasn’t unusual for him to do so if he was concentrating on something and didn’t want to be disturbed, so no one would give it a second thought.

“Stark…” he barked. She looked up and he gestured into the room.

“Yes Captain, right away Captain…” she said sarcastically, standing up and walking past him. He shut the door with a loud slam and made sure to raise his voice as she stood in his office, arms folded.

“I’ve put up with your lack of care for time keeping and general attitude for long enough, it stops now…” he said, and she raised an eyebrow the corner of her mouth twitching up a little as he mouthed the word sorry, and grimaced a little. “Do I make myself clear?”

“Very clear, Captain. It won’t happen again…”

“Good, now, run me through what we have on Schmidt in more detail…” he said, walking towards his desk.

“I don’t have more detail…” she dropped her voice.

“Yeah I know.” he grinned, “But they don’t…” “Uh huh…” she smirked up at him “You know your performance out there and just then was worthy of an Oscar, you’re such a Drama Queen. And for the record, I don’t appreciate being chastised for something that technically isn’t my fault. You made me late…” “Sorry.” he shrugged as she took a step towards him “Guess I need to apologise somehow.” “Thought you were done looking for forgiveness?” she quipped and he raised an eyebrow.

“Well I also recall saying I’m way past asking for permission so…” he reached out and grabbed her hips, spinning her round so that the back of her thighs hit his desk. She smirked up at him slightly as she perched on the edge, his hands cupping her face before he bent down and gave her a long, soft kiss.

“You do know the rest of the team are out there, right?” she looked at him as he pulled away.

“Yeah, you’re right…” he said, stepping back “Ok fine, you can go now. Dismissed.” Her mouth dropped open and she looked at him, blinking for a second as she stood up “Seriously?” He shrugged and moved round to the other side of his desk.

“That’s how it is?” she pressed.

“That’s how it is…” he smirked, extremely pleased with how clearly antsy he’d gotten her.

“But Stevie…” she whined, stamping her foot “That’s not fair…” she turned her eyes on him, fluttering her eyelashes, those goddamned eyes that could get him to do whatever the hell she wanted and he felt the front of his trousers suddenly becoming slightly too tight.

“Stop being a brat.” he warned her in a low voice.

She cocked her head to one side before she raised her eyebrows and simply smiled “Fine.” He tone was calm, and collected, and he couldn’t help but feel a little unnerved.

“Honey…” he started but she simply smiled at him, before turning and leaving.

***** Bucky saw Katie coming out of Steve’s office with an unreadable expression on her face, but she certainly was not contrite. He knew all too well Steve was playing the offended Captain when his reprimand to Katie could be heard all over the main office. They would probably have been groping each other while Steve did what he was supposed to do with anyone who arrived late for briefing. Which, in fairness to Katie hadn’t actually been her fault. They’d stayed up late drinking and talking and then this morning she’d barrelled out of the apartment early doors to get home and changed. In fact, Bucky was amazed she’d managed to do it all and make to briefing only 10 minutes behind time.

Thus, he raised an eyebrow at her when she passed by his desk and he motioned his head slightly on Natasha's direction. The red head was scrutinizing Katie like she was the main suspect in a first-degree murder case.

"Asshole" Katie said plopping on her chair. And Bucky saw her looking at him for approval, so he nodded discreetly.

"Did he give you the Son, just don't talk?" Clint, who was throwing pens into an empty pencil pot he had placed over a deck of files and notepads, asked mimicking the Captain's voice.

"Yeah, kinda." Katie scoffed.

"Well, he can be a dick sometimes but you did arrive a bit late. By the way..." Natasha drawled and was about to ask something when Wanda cut in.

"He's only doing his job. I don’t think it’s very professional to show up late for a meeting when everyone is waiting for you. Especially on a Monday after having spent all weekend who knows where and who knows with"

"And that concerns you, because? Go on, enlighten me." Katie said trying to sound as calm as possible but glaring at Wanda.

"Wanda." Natasha warned.

"What? I'm only saying..." Wanda started.

"Yeah well don’t. I'm not interested in what you've got to say. And don't you have reports to file or whatever it is you do?" Katie snapped.

"Burn." Clint quipped, fist pumping as another pen landed in its target.

"Oh and by the way, how was your weekend, Wanda? Have any luck on Friday night?" Katie continued her counter attack, making Bucky choke on the chocolate bar he was munching.

"All right, I need my Frappuccino and it's your turn buying, so you'd better get going coz you're already late for that as well." Bucky told Katie trying to divert her attention from Wanda whose nostrils had flared angrily. “And a Danish…”

Wanda was being a total bitch if you asked him, but he needed to deactivate vicious Katie before things went South. Meaning a slip of the tongue on Katie's part or an inappropriate gesture on Steve's part when he tried to defend his girl from Wanda. Man, this was gonna be a tough job keeping this quiet.

And he was hungry when he was under pressure.

"You're right. And I need to get out of here. Tell Captain Ass-hat I went to grab coffee, be right back." she said to Bucky as she put her jacket on.

Just as Katie was grabbing her purse, her phone rang and she answered the call.

"Hey, Johnny. Hang on a sec, I'm on my way out..."

Natasha and Clint darted a quick glance at each other and then at Bucky who shrugged. To tell the truth, he was as clueless as they were.

"Guess we have our answer there." Wanda said, a smug smile on her face.

"Was she really with Storm?" Clint asked Bucky.

"How would I know?" Bucky replied trying to avoid looking at Natasha who was watching him with squinting eyes.

"Who cares?" Wanda said "She's a total whore who has slept with God and their mother."

"Alright that’s enough!" Bucky hissed jumping up from his seat. "Wanda go to your desk and do some work before you put your foot in your mouth, again." Bucky ordered her in complete Sergeant mode.

Wanda rolled her eyes and did as told by Bucky. She was in no position to protest, he wasn't Steve but he outranked her and she knew that. To be fair, Katie outranked her as well, not that the red head cared as Bucky still heard her mumbling something about Katie fucking him too. He decided to let it be, he didn't want to spur Wanda against Katie, at least, not more than she already was. He made a mental note to talk to Steve about Wanda again, though.

Natasha waited until Wanda had sat on her spot behind the counter at the reception desk before sitting on the border of Bucky's desk arms crossed.

"Barnes? We are having a nice chat in the kitchen you and me. Clint, you're coming too." Natasha commanded and made a sign with her hands for both men to follow her before sitting up and heading for the kitchen.

"Why the kitchen?" Bucky asked, foreseeing a third-degree on Clintasha's part.

"Because I want a coffee. But mainly because I don't want snitchy witchy hearing what I have to say." Natasha offered as she and Bucky entered in the kitchen followed by Clint who was now twirling a pencil through his fingers.

"OK, Barnes, spit.” Natasha urged Bucky to speak as she poured herself some coffee.

"What? I don't know what you mean." Bucky tried to dodge the question.

"Not it, Barnes." Clint said plopping himself up on the kitchen counter and grabbing an apple from a bowl.

"All right. Let's start from the beginning. What was that call from Storm about?" Natasha sighed.

"How would I know?" Bucky protested.

"She hasn't seen him since Friday, has she?" Natasha insisted.

"HOW. WOULD. I. KNOW, Romanoff?” Bucky repeated leaning his elbows on the table and making a dramatic pause between each word.

"Drop that one, Nat." Clint intervened "Guy doesn't know."

"Well, yeah. How about that? Why didn't you reply to any of the fucking thirty text messages I sent you yesterday?" Natasha hissed glaring at Bucky while she straddled a chair next to him.

"Twenty-six." Bucky deadpanned holding Natasha’s stare.

She wanted to play cat and mouse, Bucky thought. Well, watch out for a loyal mouse who wanted the cat to believe he was being cornered.

"Dickhead." Natasha spat.

"By the way, have you talked to Wanda about Friday? Will she stop chasing after Steve now he rejected her?" Bucky asked trying to get some information he could sneak to Steve and Katie.

"She won't let him of the hook. The idiot seems to think that he only rejected her because he's her boss and there were a lot of people from work there. She's delusional." Natasha said rolling her eyes.

Bucky shook his head, he definitely had to warn Steve.

"Good one. I'll give you that, Barnes." Clint chuckled.

"Yeah. She was there when you arrived home yesterday, wasn't she?" she asked with a half-smile.

"You bet she was." Clint added biting the apple.

"Who's she again?" Bucky asked faking a frown.

Natasha groaned and was about to strike back again when they heard steps and Wanda's voice chatting with someone approaching the kitchen.

"Saved by the bell, Barnes" Clint quipped

"Oh fuck, Wanda. This moron is giving me everything." Natasha muttered before standing up and putting the chair back on place.

"I don't... give everything." Bucky said sarcastically.

"Natasha? Ah, there you are!" Wanda said entering the kitchen. "Jake is here."

Bucky turned to look at the man. He had met Jake Jensen on one occasion the team had needed his assistance to crack into some big fish computer. But after Katie's confession they had been more than friends just the previous day, he looked at the man from a different perspective. He would be lying if he said Jensen didn't remind him a bit of Steve. And that was clearly Wanda’s thinking because she was making goo-goo eyes at the man.

"Wanna coffee, Jensen?" Natasha offered.

"Yeah, that would be great. Thanks" Jensen said as he left his briefcase on the table and greeted Bucky.

Bucky observed as the man approached Natasha, who was tinkering with the coffee pot, and leaned on the counter beside her

"S- ... Where are you from originally?" Jensen asked, giving her his best flirty pose and look.

"The Russian steppe." Natasha deadpanned without taking her eyes from the coffee pot.

"Wow, so that must have been..." and he hesitated, searching from something clever to say.

Natasha lifted her head to look at him with a serious expression as she open a drawer to grab a coffee spoon.

"…Frosty." Jake grimaced the moment he uttered the word finishing his sentence, but Natasha continued getting his coffee ready.

"Do you have any hobbies?" Jensen tried again.

Bucky shared a glance with Clint. It was amusing watching Jensen struggle to chat Natasha up making a fool of himself.

"When I was little, I collected human ears." Natasha replied playing with him before handing him a coffee mug.

"Good times." Jensen said taking his coffee and faked a chuckle. "But it's...” he didn't finish. Instead he went to the table to grab his briefcase nodding his head.

"Is that a crossbow tattoo you have there." he said pointing at Clint's left arm.

Clint nodded moving his arm to show it to him.

"Cool." Jensen said admiring Clint's tattoo. “I like crossbows, I used to have one, bitches.”

Natasha looked at Clint with an amused smile and he shrugged. Bucky simply blinked in disbelief. This guy was like a watered down version of Flash Fire Dude. Katie really knew how to fucking pick them.

Frogs and princes…

"Ok. Let's go do some work. See what you have for us." Clint said jumping from the counter.

"Yeah. Katie must be back now, surely." Bucky added standing up.

"Katie?" Jensen asked looking between Bucky and Natasha, his eyes wide open with excitement.

"Ok. There you are! I was beginning to wonder if I was alone in this office." Steve’s voice cut across the room and everyone turned to look at him where he was stood leaning on the kitchen doorframe.

"And, where's Stark?" he asked scanning the room searching for her.

"She went out when she got a call from Storm and never got back." Wanda quipped as she walked past Steve out of the kitchen.

"What? She-“ he started to ask, looking at Bucky for answers, but he was interrupted by Jensen.

"Hey, Captain Rogers! How you doing?" he greeted Steve skipping formalities and slapping him on the back.  "When did Hottie Mc Hottie get back?" he added leaning over Steve's ear, dropping his voice.

Steve shot a glare at him before commanding everyone to resume their work at the briefing room.

"We need to talk." Bucky whispered to Steve as they both followed the team down the corridor.

Steve frowned at his friend and spotted the concern written all over his face. He sighed and nodded.

"Later. We have to sort this out first." Steve said nodding towards Jensen who was walking ahead of them escorted by Natasha and Clint.

Steve had begun his day in high spirits. He had woken up with Katie in his arms for the first time ever (which was the reason she’d had to then make a run for it once they’d realised the time) and the weekend had been an absolute blessing, but his day was beginning to descend into a nightmare. What was that Wanda had said? Storm had called Katie and she was nowhere to be seen.

Of course he trusted his girl, he knew she wouldn't do that to him, more over after everything they had gone through. But he had seen Storm flirting with Katie, up close, and he definitely didn't trust him.

God, his nerves were on edge. The little love bubble he and Katie were in had burst the moment he had set foot at the station and it was more than Bucky’s teasing that they had to deal with. Add to that the fact Jensen had been thrown into the mix. And although Steve had known he would be showing up today, actually seeing him and having to put up with his comment about Katie being back was really testing his limits. That said, he knew Jensen was a great asset if they wanted some progress in the case. Besides, if he hadn't been the world's leading authority on waiting too long to go get his girl, Jensen wouldn't even be in the picture. That one was on him.

And now Bucky was saying they had to talk, which was the icing on a very shit cake. He didn't like it. He was sure it had something to do with Natasha going all Perry Mason down on Buck. Or at least that's what he hoped. He didn't want to even think it involved Wanda. She had been suspiciously calm and resigned after he had pushed her away on Friday. But then again, what could she do? He was her boss and it wouldn't be wise to pick up a fight at the station.

His head was a whirlwind of thoughts and mixed emotions by the time everyone was gathered in the briefing room. He could feel a head ache brewing at the back of his eyes already, and it wasn’t even 10 am.  He tried to focus himself back on track and was watching Jensen pull some documents and a laptop out his briefcase when Katie entered the room, three cups of coffee in one hand and a brown paper bag with Shuri's deli logo printed on it.

Steve saw her flash him a swift smile before handing him his usual order, her fingers deliberately and discreetly brushing his, before she set Bucky's one and the paper bag on the table in front of the Sergeant.

"Thanks." Steve said. And he was sure Katie had read relief in that word.

“Oh my God…” Jensen said, looking Katie up and down “Hi.”

“You know that only works once?” Katie said with a laugh, folding her arms.” “Well can you blame a boy for trying?” he quipped cheekily “How’s it hanging Stark?” “You tell me.” she smirked back.

There was a pause before Jensen grinned.  "Come here." he said approaching Katie with arms open to hug her.

"How you doing, Jakey doll?" she asked hugging him back.

Steve saw Bucky look at him, he could clearly read What the fuck, man? on his friend's face. He just shook his head and sipped from his cup. Let them do their thing, he thought, they had to lay low and Jensen was just, well, being Jensen.

"Damn, you look good, girl." Jake said grinning "You cut your hair." he added waving his hand to his shoulder.

"Good observation, J. You don't look bad yourself." Katie smiled at him fondly.

"Why thank you. Liking the dangle of the dangle?" Jensen asked cheekily, hands on his hips.

Katie burst out laughing, shaking her head “You’re an absolute idiot…” Steve could hear Wanda sniggering and Bucky muttering “Oh, for fuck's sake” and that was enough to make the Captain snap. He might not be able to publicly declare she was with him but he was damned if he was letting this carry on. It ended, now.

"Yeah, can we push whatever angle you dangling to one side for a moment and concentrate on the phone records?" Steve asked, his voice a little louder and harsher than he intended.

With that Jensen explained that he had cross referenced the phone records from the 3 victims and found a few things that were puzzling. The first one being that 2 hours or so before the stated times of death all 3 men received a call. Whilst everyone agreed this was far too much of a co-incidence to be purely innocent, the unfortunate news was that they were from 3 different numbers. All pre-paid burners.

“So no point in trying to trace any of them?” Clint asked.

“Well if you get me a warrant I can have a trace and monitor set up on the numbers” he said, “If they do get used again, we’ll know about it…but chances are slim”

“No offence, but what exactly are you doing here?” Bucky frowned “Surely you could have told us this on the phone?”

He saw Katie smirk but Jensen completely ignored him and instead turned to Natasha.  “You asked me to look at anything unusual…contacts in common that type of thing…” Natasha nodded.

“Well it’s your lucky day.” he smiles “seems that all 3 of our victims knew each other…” At that Katie instantly perked up “all 3…you got us a link to Ross?”

“That I did gorgeous.” he smiled and Bucky heard Steve exhale loudly. He nudged the Captain gently in the ribs as a warning to chill out as Jensen continued “So it turns out that about 10 minutes after getting the call from our mystery number, Ross called Sitwell. The call lasted for about 5 minutes… and then Ross called a different number which, unfortunately, was also a prepaid service that I can’t trace.”

Steve watched Katie jot something down on her pad of paper as Jensen continued to talk.

“However, when I cross referenced that new number to Sitwell’s records turns out he made a number of calls to it too, over roughly a month’s period…”

“Dates?” Katie looked at him. Jensen slid over the printed phone records which she picked up and looked at the lines which he had highlighted.  “The month between Ross’ body turning up, and his…”

“And Schmidt also called and text the number several times over a week too…” Jensen said as he once again slid a pile of paper over to her and Katie picked it up “Specifically the week before his death.” Bucky looked at her “That’s your link. That’s proof that the 3 of them had something or someone in common…”

“Doesn’t prove that it’s Rumlow…” Katie said, chewing on her lip

“So that’s the phone records….” Jake said “Like I said, if you get me a warrant I can arrange to have all the numbers monitored, so the next time any of them are used we’ll be able to track and trace via GPS…” “Ok.” Steve nodded “Nat, can you get the paper work drawn up and we’ll get it out to Judge Hill ASAP.”

“Now, do you want the really interesting discovery Baby-cakes?” Jake winked at Katie and Steve rolled his eyes. The guy was a fucking nightmare. Katie merely arched an eyebrow at him and gestured for him to carry on.

“Ross also received a MMS from our mystery man…a photo…” He pulled a piece of paper out of the file in front of him and took a deep breath “Now be warned, it’s fucked up…”

“I’ll take it.” Steve instructed. Jensen nodded and handed it to him. Steve glanced down at it before his mouth dropped open and he gave a disgusted snort before he handed it to Bucky.

It as a picture of Ross…or more specifically a picture of Ross…

“Fucking a goat!?” Bucky spluttered, his mouth hanging open before his face scrunched up in disgust, “What the hell…” “I warned you.” Jensen said, as Bucky grimaced, handing it to Katie. She instantly recoiled in horror before slamming the photo face down on the table. Natasha reached for it, turned it over and arched an eyebrow as Clint leaned closer.

“Well I guess that solves the issue of where the hair came from…” Clint shrugged.

“Was there a message with it, or just the photo?” Steve looked at Jensen.

“It was accompanied with the words ‘I’ve still got copies of this don’t forget. So I suggest you think twice about blowing the whistle…do what he wants.” Jensen said, sliding another piece of paper over the table.

“Someone’s been blackmailing him…” Natasha said, looking up.

“Well, that’s for you to say, not me.” Jensen said “I’m just the techy genius…but if you want my opinion, then yeah.” “There was nothing unusual on Ross’ bank accounts.” Katie frowned before her mouth dropped open and she looked up at Steve who felt that sudden rush wash over him, the one when a piece of the jigsaw dropped into place.

“The Animal Food Company…” he said, striding over to the wall where all the paper evidence they had was tacked. He pulled the item he was looking for down and handed it to Jensen. “Green Bale Animal Feeds…we marked this for further investigation, but didn’t think it was particularly relevant…”

“You got a warrant for this or…” Jensen looked at him.

Steve nodded, before he hesitated a second “Well, we have a warrant to search all three victim’s banking transactions…”

“That’s good enough.” Jensen said “I can trace the account and find out who it belongs to. Give me a few hours…I’m free this afternoon so I’ll stay here and work it live if that’s ok, but I’ll need access to another computer, it’s hard work trying to run a trace on just one laptop.”

"All right, everybody get back to work. And, Bucky..." Steve said turning to look at him "...get Jensen a desk and another computer."

Bucky turned to look at Steve as Jensen gathered his things and the rest of the team started to make their way out of the briefing room. Steve could see he was clearly annoyed.

"Why me?" Bucky mouthed.

"Do I have to explain it to you?" Steve whispered, raising both eyebrows and nodding his head in the direction of Jensen, who was now chasing Katie out of the room.

Bucky groaned and followed them without giving much of a reply to Steve.  He caught up with Jensen, who was showing some pictures of his niece he had on his phone to Katie, and slapped him on the back.

"Come on, pal. Follow me, we'll get you a desk." Bucky told the man.

Jensen shrugged and winked at Katie before following Bucky to his own desk so that he could leave the case files Steve had ordered him to revise.

Bucky started looking up in the station's intranet the availability of a spare room with a computer in it. He wanted to get rid of the annoying man's presence and keep him away from Katie. And he cursed internally when he saw it wouldn't be easy as the only room with a computer available was the incident room and he didn't want anyone outside the team seeing their conclusions and thoughts on the case.

He was thinking about getting him a spare laptop and leaving him in the briefing room when he lifted his head only to see Jensen observing Dot with curiosity.

"Is that a llama?" Jensen asked.

Katie's roar of laughter could be heard from Manhattan and it made Wanda raise her head from the book she was reading and look at her mischievously. Steve, hearing her loud noises of glee peeked his head out of his office door, finding Katie sprawled out on her chair, her head laid back and her chest raising and lowering with laughter. Steve decided to ignore the fuss in the main office before the sight of Katie's cleavage and breasts bouncing got him in an awkward position.

"Shut up, Stark." Bucky roared.

"Thank you for that, Jensen." Clint quipped, snorting.

"She says Dot looks like a llama." Bucky explained to Jensen who was looking around the office clueless as to why Katie was howling.

"Oh. I get it. Dot, not a llama. Cool" Jensen said raising his thumbs up as a way of apology.

"Don't worry. Sam says it's a cat." Bucky deadpanned.

"You know that cats can make a thousand different sounds and dogs can only make ten?" Jensen asked Bucky who looked at him baffled. "Cats. Not to be trusted." he continued as a way of explanation.

"Whatever. It's not a dog either. Dot is a goat." Bucky said starting to walk towards the supplies room, signalling for Jensen to follow him.

"Ouch. Sorry to hear that man. You must be upset about that photo. Are you? I mean that guy... Ross, was it? He did weird stuff to goats. Anal stuff." Jensen continued rambling walking behind Bucky.

"Don't you ever shut up?" Bucky asked turning to look at him before opening the room of the supplies room to look for a goddamned laptop so that he could get rid of the man for a while

******

To his credit, annoying little spiky haired jerk he might be, Bucky had to concede that Jensen knew his shit. By the end of the day he had revealed that the Company the bank was set up in the name of didn’t exist.  The bank had been set up in Switzerland, and the name attached to it was a Mr Paul Ross. Clint made a comment about what a dumbass Ross was, as it wasn’t really covering his tracks, but Natasha pointed out that unless someone really went digging, it would look on the surface of it to be a simple transaction.  Katie then snorted and said that she didn’t care what a dumbass Ross was, because it worked for them.

Jensen also discovered evidence of several cash deposits of $9,000 into the suspicious account the very day after Rumlow’s arrest. Unfortunately, as Jensen pointed out, they were untraceable as you don’t need to supply a name or ID to deposit under $10,000, so unless they could get the bank CCTV, which Bucky pointed out was a no go as they wouldn’t have kept it that long, they were none-the wiser. What they did know, however, was that the cash was then withdrawn in quarters every 6 months for the next 2 years by Ross.

Whilst there was still nothing to link the transactions to Rumlow, or indeed the other 2 victims, it was certainly more of a lead than they had that morning when they started.

"So, I believe that my work here is done…" Jensen announced, as he shut the spare lap top down. He turned to Katie as she stood up from the chair she had been in as they had all crowded round Bucky’s desk. “Fancy catching up over a beer, princess? For old times' sake?"

Bucky could tell the man was trying to sound as casual as possible after his failed attempts with Natasha earlier that morning.

"Thanks for the offer, Jake." Katie said and scrunched her nose before adding "But actually, I'm seeing someone."

"Oh. That's...." he hesitated “Good for you."

Bucky shook his head, he was feeling embarrassed for the man. He then noticed Wanda was watching the exchange like a crow perched on a tree branch. Bucky had seen her eyes shine with excitement when Katie had confessed she was seeing someone. If she only knew it wasn't Storm. He had even spotted the exact moment she realized Katie and Jensen had been a thing in the past and he hadn't liked the expression on her face. Sometimes being a well-trained detective was a pain in the ass.

"Why don't you ask Wanda?" Katie offered Jensen, her voice raising, as her honed investigative skills had clearly also led to her realising they were being watched. "She has a thing for throwing herself at my past partners..." she added as nonchalantly as possible as she knew that would rile Wanda up.

Ok, so that's payback for earlier Bucky thought, fighting back a smirk. Typical Katie, chill and wait for the right time to strike back. He would be lying if he said he wasn't proud of her.

"Maybe another time." Jensen said looking at Wanda and then at Katie "Tell Captain Rogers I said goodbye." he added before saying his farewells to the rest of the team and heading out.

"So, you and Jake?" Wanda asked Katie no sooner was he out of sight.

"Oh. So it's Jake now?" Katie asked as he typed on her computer ignoring her.

But Wanda wasn't gonna let sleeping dogs lie. She was determined to make the dogs bite. Bucky could tell so he discreetly took his phone and texted Steve.

CODE RED.

"Looks like you've made your way through all of New York.” Wanda continued scathingly.

"Nope, only Boston." Katie bit back as chilly as possible, though she was visibly getting annoyed at having to discuss her love life with Wanda.

"And Africa and Hong Kong." Bucky quipped trying to attract Katie's raising rage against himself.

Come on, Steve. Look at your phone, punk!  he thought.

"Yeah, cheers Bucky." Katie snorted when she heard Clint and Natasha sniggering.

"How do you keep track of them? You put pins in a world map?" Wanda asked, arms crossed narrowing her eyes at Katie.

"Listen you little..." Katie started to growl standing up from her chair, but no sooner had she done that Steve’s voice rang out across the main room.

"What the hell is happening here?” he boomed and everyone went silent. Bucky watched as his eyes roved from Wanda to Katie and then back again.

"Wanda. I need you to pull the file for me on the Simpson case so I can review it before Court tomorrow, then you can go home." he said hastily before turning to Natasha and Clint.

"Barton and Romanoff, you can go as well. Good work today." to which they nodded and started getting ready to leave.

"Barnes and Stark, briefing room. Before you go I need you to take me through what Jensen found." he finished, and Bucky noticed the worried expression he looked at Katie with.

"I need to go to the restroom, if that's ok. I'll meet you there in 10." Katie said and shook her head to appease Steve's concern as she walked past him.

Steve looked at Bucky who only glared at him. "I told you we had to talk, punk."

“Later…” Steve grumbled back, before he headed towards the kitchen

Just over half an hour later Bucky, Steve and Katie were in the incident room running over what they had learned.

Steve rubbed at his eyes underneath his glasses. He hadn’t had to wear these for a while, but today he’d had that dull threatening ache associated with tired eyes. Jensen being there pretty much all day hadn’t helped either. Whilst he hadn’t done anything more than simply being Jensen, there was something about how the spikey-haired techy bastard had been looking at Katie that had rubbed him up the wrong way today.

He watched as Katie stood looking at a print out from Jensen that they had tacked to the wall- the wording attached to the horrific goat violating photo. He could tell she was mulling things over, her teeth worrying her lip.

“What is it?” he asked her softly and Bucky glanced up from where he had been making notes on some of the other sheets of evidence to see Steve was stood watching Katie intently.

“The wording on the text…do what he wants, not pay what he wants…” Katie frowned.

“What about it?” Steve asked.

“Well, that sounds to me like the blackmail Ross was being subjected to wasn’t him paying monies…it was to do something…something specific…”

Steve waited as she began pacing in front of the board, a thing she always did when her mind was ticking 10 to the dozen. Suddenly she stopped and looked at him, then Bucky…

“Ok, so, this…it’s a wild one, and a really wild one but I always thought there was something off about the way Sitwell just appeared…what if he was paid to give Rumlow an alibi?”

“By Ross?” Steve frowned, folding his arms.

Katie nodded “But on behalf of someone else. Perfect way to keep yourself out of it, blackmail someone else into doing it for you.”

Steve and Bucky exchanged a glance. “It’s a stretch…” Bucky said after a pause “A real stretch…”

“I know, and probably a load of bullshit too.” Katie said, “But, like witchy out there said…profiling and Detective work is just fucking theoretical until the evidence backs us up isn’t it?”

Steve paused again. It was a long shot, a real long shot but he knew Katie had a sharp mind, and this was what he had brought her back from DC for in the first place. What did they have to lose by following it up?

“Ok, I think that we need to make arrangements to talk to Rumlow.” Steve said. “I’ll get Clint onto it first thing tomorrow and I’ll call Fury. In the mean-time I suggest we call it a day. It’s getting late.” “I’ve got a few things to do first.” Katie nodded “I’ve still not tracked Sarah Klein down so…” “Ok, well, once you’ve done that go home.” Steve looked at her softly, “And that’s an order. It’s been a long day.” She smiled at him and stood on her toes to gently peck him on the cheek.

“Love you.” she said softly before she left the room.

"You reckon this is a good moment to talk." Bucky asked Steve once Katie was out of earshot.

Steve pinched the bridge of his nose and nodded. If truth be told he wanted to do anything but, however he knew if Bucky was pressing it had to be serious.

"Wanda is a pain in the ass. She's being a total bitch to Katie. She has no regard whatsoever for hierarchy." Bucky ranted and Steve sighed.

"That bad, huh."

"Worse, pal. I talked to Natasha. She says Wanda is so chill with you ‘coz she thinks you only turned her down because everyone from work was there and you wouldn’t want anyone to know. Which is funny in a way if you think of it."  Bucky scoffed.

"Fuck." Steve groaned, hands dropping to his hips.

"Fuck indeed. She's delusional man and that makes her dangerous. If she susses you're with Katie, the whole thing is going to blow on your face." Bucky paced the room.

Steve pinched the bridge of his nose. That damned head ache wasn't merely a threat anymore. His eye sockets were pounding.

"What should I do? Shall I speak with Wanda to get things clear?" Steve asked more to himself than to his friend.

"I think you should stay away from her. And if she makes another move then talk to her. But never, ever tell her it's because you're seeing someone. She already thinks Katie is with Storm and has had her fair share of fun bickering at her about Jensen too. Let her believe what she wants to believe for now." Bucky explained.

"Yeah. You're probably right." Steve mused before he took a deep breath "You know, now you mention Storm….I’ve had have this feeling on the pit of my stomach all day. I mean, Katie's exes or whatever have never bothered me that much before, but today, I don’t know what it is but Jensen…"

"That's jealousy, because she's your girl." Bucky said and smiled at him.

Steve laughed shaking his head, getting what his friend had just said.

"What? No She's not my girl now?" Bucky chuckled before leaving the room.

******

Steve pushed his glasses up from where they had slid down his nose as he was bent too close to his laptop screen, which was probably why his headache hadn’t improved yet despite taking painkillers.  After talking to Bucky before, he had decided he needed to sort out taking Katie on a date, and he had spent the last half an hour pondering where to go. It was definitely going to be Manhattan as they had less chance of being spotted, meaning maybe they could simply walk down the street hand in hand. He’d promised Katie a meal, few drinks…but as he sat there and glanced at the screen on his computer he was suddenly hit with a much better idea…that is, if there was still availability. Sitting up straight he pulled his laptop further towards him and opened up the web-browser. After about 10 minutes or so, a huge smile spread across the Captain’s face as clearly the God’s were shining down on him, or lady luck was on his side, whichever it was he didn’t care. He completed his purchase then pulled up the next page he needed and finalised his plans.

“Not bad Rogers…” Steve praised himself, sitting back in his chair, a little smug that he’d not only had the idea but was going to actually be able to pull it of…

“What are you looking so pleased with yourself about?”  Steve looked up and saw Katie leaning in the doorway to his office.

“Hey Sweetheart.” he watched her for a second. “You get what you needed to do, done?”

“Sort of. I didn’t manage to speak to Sarah Klein, but I did track her down. She no longer lives in the area." Katie said, stepping into the room, closing the door behind her "Apparently, after she dropped the charges she headed back to Germany. Packed up and just went..." her arms dropped to her side. “I left her a message to call me when she can but…”

"Well, at least we know she's safe."

“I've had Clint start making the arrangements to get us an audience with Rumlow...not that he's gonna give us anything but, well, right now it's as good a shot as we're gonna get." she said, walking towards him. With a gentle movement she straddled him on his chair and his hands automatically fell to her hips as she studied him for a moment.

"You ok?" she asked as she dropped a gentle kiss to his lips.

"Yeah…” he said, leaning back in his chair. She eyed him suspiciously and he sighed “No, not really. If I’m being honest, Jensen before, the way he was with you…oh, which reminds me…what did Storm want?” “Johnny?” she frowned, “How did you know-“ “Wanda.” “Bitch.” she glowered, “It’s none of her business.” “No, but its mine.” he pressed “What did he want?” “Nothing, just to check I was ok after I ran out on him Friday.” she looked at Steve “Are you jealous?” she finished, her mouth curling into a grin.

Steve shot her a look to tell her he wasn’t in the mood for games and to her credit she looked suitably contrite and sighed softly, simply looking at him for a moment.

“Do you know how good you look with these on?” she said, pointing to his glasses, her finger tracing a circle in the air in front of his nose

“It’s not something I think about on a regular basis, no.” he smiled softly “They simply serve a purpose…” “I’ll say…” she muttered, gently moving both her hands up to gently pull them off his face. “You know, I don't know why GQ bother with their sexiest men polls…blatantly obvious I got him right here..."

He rolled his eyes but a smirk tugged at his mouth. ““Flattery will get you everywhere” he grinned as she pressed her lips to his giving him a deep kiss.

“Good to know.” she muttered against his mouth as she pulled away.

“So…” he said, his hands sliding down from her hips to smooth up the outside of her thighs, Storm and Jensen forgotten seeing as she was straddling his lap and clearly after something, that he was seriously considering giving her right there and then “What you doing tomorrow night?”

“Nothing, why?”

“I owe you a date” he said with a smile

“Yeah, you do.” she agreed before she quirked an eyebrow “Where you taking me?”

“Surprise.” he said, grinning to himself. There was no way he was telling her what he had in store, not least because she’d be like a total kid all day if he did. “But we need to be in Manhattan for 6:30 latest so I suggest we go straight from here for the Subway.”

“Interesting…” she pondered “you gonna give me a clue?”

“Nope.” he shook his head, grinning as she pouted at him.

“Not even a little one.” “No, so you can stop asking me.” “What do I need to wear?” she asked, looking at him with a smirk “You gotta tell me that at least.”

“Smart casual is fine.” he said, smirking again as she frowned, clearly hoping that the dress code would have helped her get some idea as to where it was they were going. “Just, let me surprise you, please, no digging or detective work.”

“Ok.” she agreed after a pause. “You win.” “Sorry, say that again…”

“You heard me.” she teased, her hands resting on his shoulders whilst his gently moved from her legs to her hips

“You coming home with me tonight?” he asked her softly.

She groaned “I really want to but I need to go home. Tony’s done nothing but bitch and moan at me either in person or on the phone all day about where I’ve been.” she looked down and Steve was surprised to find she looked a little upset, forlorn even. “It fucking sucks, living with my brother after having had my own place for so long. He actually told me before he was gonna give me a curfew, I mean…”

“You know if you want, only if you want…” Steve said, tilting his face up to look at him “You can come stay with me. At least until the case is done and then, well…” He let the sentence drop for two reasons. One, he didn’t want to make her feel obliged and two, they hadn’t decided what was going to happen post the case. Whether she would return to DC for the rest of her secondment or stay. Neither of them had thought that far. Steve knew which one he wanted, but he also wasn’t going to push her either way. That was her decision.

“Yeah that’s gonna look really good that Stevie!” she shook her head “In a bit Tone, moving in with Captain Bad Ass who’s guts you think I hate…”

Steve observed her for a moment as she dropped her eyes again “I hate this.” “What?”

“Having to keep this on the low…” Steve sighed and reached up to brush the longer side of her hair behind her ears. “It’s only until this case is sorted…” “The rate it’s going that could be months.”  

“Ok, well how about…” he asked, his right hand gently cupping her cheek “If it goes on past another month we’ll come clean.” “And I’ll get taken off the case.” she groaned.

“Throw me a bone here Doll…” Steve’s tone was equally as exasperated “I’m trying to come up with some form of solution.”

“I know, sorry…” she said, leaning forward and giving him another soft kiss before she pressed into him, forehead on his chest and he rest his chin on her hair. He pondered something for a moment, before he had an idea that might make it a little easier, certainly out of work anyway.

“Come clean to Tony.” he said, and he felt her still slightly as his hand softly ran up and down her back. “He won’t rat us out, he’s your brother and won’t want you to get in any trouble.” “Suppose not.” she mused, before she pulled back again slightly so she could look at him “You do realise that he’s gonna hit the roof.” “Yeah, and I’m expecting he will threaten to murder me in my sleep or something to that effect.” Steve shrugged “What else is new?”

Katie chuckled slightly, he hands sliding up his chest before they came to rest on his shoulders and she gave a gently squeeze. Steve gave a soft sigh of satisfaction, cracking his neck slightly as she began to work at the muscles softly whilst he sat still.

"God your shoulders are so knotty." she mused and he left out a breath through his nose moving his head to the side and cracked an eye open to look at her.

“Yeah well, I did a lot of exercise last night…” he quipped back as her hands continued to work at his shoulders.

“I’ll say…” she grinned. “You know that thing you did with your mouth is actually illegal in several countries.” “Which is part of the reason I’m so glad we live where we do…” he said, voice low as he felt himself relax under her touch and she carried on working at his muscles in silence for a moment as his hands gently flexed on her hips, his eyes closing again.

Fuck this was heaven.

"You know, when all this is done…we should go away.” Katie spoke, rousing him a little.

“Anywhere in mind?”

“Always wanted to go to Italy.” she said, “Although I wouldn’t say no to a trip to Disney Land either, but the on in California…never been before.” “Running around a Theme Park all day isn’t exactly relaxing…” he opened his eyes and arched his brow at her.

“No, but it would be fun.” she said, “And we can have a few days at the beach or by the pool…” “Yeah, maybe.” he said, noncommittedly. “Not really my scene Doll…”

“Reckon I can convince you otherwise…” she grinned cheekily.

“Yeah? And how exactly are you gonna do that?” he looked at her, the flash in her eyes evident and he felt the familiar pull of desire in his stomach.

“Reckon I can think of a few ways……” she said slyly, as one of her hands slid from his shoulder around the back of his head to tangle in his hair and she used it to pull him forward to connect their lips. Steve kissed her back immediately bringing his hands up to wrap around her back and pull her closer. He groaned involuntarily when her tongue touched his and his hands moved down, gently squeezing at her ass.

“Convinced yet…?” she murmured.

“Not exactly the word I would use…” he raised an eyebrow.

She grinned back and then began to rock her hips on top of him grinding down on his growing hardness and he sighed slightly, tipping his head back as she kissed him harder, pushing down again. He raised his hips, rocking up to meet her and it was her turn to groan as he pushed harder, rubbing harder. His hands were now firmly holding her hips, sitting just under the hem of her top and his mouth moved to cover the spot under her ear that he knew drove her to distraction. She tilted her head to the side as he trailed kisses down her neck, across her jaw until his mouth caught her lips again.

“Baby…” he muttered softly “This is only gonna end one way if we don’t stop.” She sighed and dropped her head softly, resting it against his “I know, I know…sorry.”

Her movements stopped and he felt her breathing even out and she took a deep breath before her hands slid to his arms. She gave his biceps a soft rub before she moved to stand up. “I should go.” Steve hated this. He hated the fact they had to sneak around. He watched her for a second as she stood up and smoothed her top down before something inside him snapped.

“Fuck this…” he muttered, and in a swoop he was on his feet. She gave a surprised squeak as pushed her back against the desk, forcing her to sit down with a thump. With a hasty move of his arm he pushed everything to one side, vaguely aware that paper and pens and fuck knows what else were sent flying as he kissed her, fiercely, his hands roving under her top.

“I don’t know what’s got into you…” she said, her voice raspy as he moved his attention to her ear, her hands fumbling with the buckle on his belt “But I like it…” “Yeah, well, give me a minute and I’ll get into you…” he said as he swatted her hands away and quickly undid his belt and his flies himself. She gave a snort of a laugh as he moved to undo her jeans. She lifted her hips slightly, allowing him to pull them down as far as her boots would allow, which wasn’t far enough. Giving a curse he dropped to his knees, slid the zips down on each before he tossed them aside, pulling her jeans off in a movement so fast he was almost a blur. He stood up quickly and pushed her shoulders back so she was led flat on the desk. Shoving his jeans down over his hips, he grabbed at her knees, pulling her legs apart and sliding her towards him. In a swift movement he was buried inside her, both of them letting out a groan as he began to move, setting a fast hard pace. Her hands flew to the side, more stationery flying off the desk but neither paid it any attention, his thrusts deep, fast, hard.

“Fuck…” he heard her groan, as he pounded into her over and over. “Steve…”

“God you feel so good…” he mumbled, unable to articulate much else. Up until now their sex had been fairly tame to date. Amazing, yes, but this…this was carnal, the frustration of the day and the situation had been simply too much for the pair of them. But he wanted to slow down, love his girl, he really did, so he summonsed every bit of self -control he had and taking a deep breath he slackened his pace slightly, and rolled his hips deliberately making her cry out softly. He reached down and hooked his arms around her, pulling her up so she was facing him, wrapping one of her legs round his waist as he continued to grind into her. Her head dropped back, her mouth falling open in a silent gasp.

“Don’t stop…” she pleaded, looking back up at him “Please Captain…” Fuck, that word…her saying it in such a way did things to him that, frankly, nothing else could and he began to pick his pace up again slightly as her hands flew around to his back, clawing at him, fisting into his shirt. It wasn’t long before he felt the tell-tale flutters of her tightening around him.

“Come on doll…” he groaned “Come for me…come on…”

“Fuck…Stevie…I’m…” she gasped she let out a low moan, that was almost a growl, a noise he’d never heard from her before, a primal, raw lament as her hands tightened their grip, her legs spasmed and her head tipped back again before she collapsed forward, her head on his shoulders.

“Shit, Doll…” he groaned, and with a final few sloppy thrusts he followed her right over the edge, his thrusts slowing to a stop, the force of his own release leaving him clinging to her like his life depended on it.

***** Bucky shuffled some papers that were scattered over his desk, looking for his phone. He had already been half way home when he noticed he had left it at the station. He found it under a folder, no wonder he hadn't seen it before leaving for home. But then again it had been a demanding day and the sight of Ross fucking a poor, innocent goat was still haunting his mind. What kind of degenerate could do that to a goat? Cows existed for a reason, right?

He turned to go but stopped, frowning as he realised there was light on Steve's office which he hadn’t noticed when he had walked back in before. Mind you, the blinds on his office window were closed, they been all day, he was sure of that. But still he could see a beam of light sifting under the door.

Typical Steve move, he thought, send everyone home while he stayed late finishing whatever reports he had to send Fury the following day, or as he suspected in this case, reading over the case notes for his Court appearance tomorrow. Bucky had hoped the accident would teach his friend something but apparently it hadn't. Still, he had his hopes on Katie's influence now.

He approached Steve's office to tell him he was back but heading out again and, while he was at it, force him to call it a day and go get some rest. It had been an exhausting day for his friend too.

He was about to knock on the door when he heard Steve. At first, he thought he was talking to someone on the phone and he had his other hand already over the door handle when he froze in his spot.

"Come on doll. Come for me... come on..."

Bucky heard Steve groan. He closed his eyes and grimaced. Was Steve having phone sex?

"Fuck....Stevie... I'm..."

Oh holy Jesus fucking Christ!.  Nope. Katie wasn't on the other side of the phone line. She was right there with Steve, probably under him actually…

“No, no, no Buck, stop thinking those things!” He mumbled to himself before fleeing the office as fast as he could, scarred for life, vowing mentally never to touch anything in Steve’s office ever again…

[poppythewitcher]

SPN hell binge Episode 1

Yippe kayay Mother Fuckers, Let’s do this! (edited in the morning or grammar)

Should I watch the recap?

Is that cheating?

I mean It’ll set up the season?

But it it cheating?

Like I’m supposed to get context like when you start a comic half way through

I’m gonna watch the recap just cause I know I won’t even understand that

Aw the cw logo, lets you know you’re getting into some shit

oooo decapitations

what how many of them are there

their voices don’t sound like I imagined

Fuck i kinda forgot Jeffery Dean Morgan was in this

You expect me to take these fuckers seriously where their father, the root of their daddy issues, is Denny fucking Duquette

I’m still confused who the fuck is Jack

I think he’s the antichrist

Listen the practical FXs tho

why is half the recap just a zombie fight

is this the beginning of the this episode or like the end of the last?

oh wait it was the last

listen I get continuity but the fucking font the credits are in makes me want to die

Gay angel can commune with the dead that’s nice

Why did they think that flimsy ass thing will hold the door

“He said welcome to the end what does that mean” the network is finally pulling the plug on this shit show

i love the casual discussion of smiting

I relate to dean in that I too have daddy issues and hate sky-daddy

Is Sam the only function one on this show?

Nope he let the zombies into the crypt

oooops the antichrist is awake

oh its a demon not the antichrist

demon with fashion sense

a demon talking about being a demon the way I talk about working at Starbucks

I like how Sam’s like yeah Cas, give your blood to the minimum wage demon who just met that is currently inhabiting the body of some kid we all really cared about

Nothing could go wrong with that

wait what that fucking worked

how did the minimum wage demon fix God’s mess

okay random teens because horror tropes of violence against young “stupid” women who are just enjoying their lives because it’s easier to enjoy the thing when the male gaze and patriarchal culture not only fetishizes violence against women but it makes the horror easier to watch because it’s not as scary when the victim is a vapid and brainless teenage girl, thus making the male viewer feel secure because his ego tells him that he is stronger and smarter than these weak female and therefore would not fall victim to the monster even though that makes no sense in this context when their main demographic is gen-z girls,gay and theys.

also who gave the camera to the guy with hand tremor what was that shaking

When you have to kill a character but the actor still needs to pay the bills

are they literally just gonna spend the whole season tracking down runaway ghosts this is gonna be worse than I thought

Like is that really Jensen Ackles’s voice is doesn’t sound real

ooo spooky car crash

Wait woman in white wasn’t that the fucking pilot i watched that

oh god really all the fucking monsters of the week are back fuck me what have I gotten myself into

Why is this show trying to be a fucking 80s horror movie now we have a poor housewife and her daughter being haunted by ghosts really

and its not just that its the cinematography and the lighting like the whole fucking mise en scen

its a fun aesthteic but goddamn did they really milk 15 season out of this shit? did anyone actually watch after season 12?

motherfucker a killer clown wow

Like I feel like they’re making they’re voices deeper on purpose

I’m sorry what in the living fuck is this dumb ass FBI shirt that Sam is wearing that does not look real you are not fooling anyone honey has this really been your shtick for 15 fucking years and you look like THAT holy fucking hell it genuinely looks like the costume department is barely trying

Mr. Trench coat honestly looks more believable

wait is minimum wage demon a neanderthal

And he;s hitting on one half or the queer baiting wonder twins great

Minimum wage demon: “who was he”

me: “wouldn’t we all like to know”

I mean me. I would like to know thank you minimum wage demon for getting me this info

So he’s they’re kid that’s nice

Wait

So the queer baiting wonder twins had a FUCKING CHILD TOGETHER

holy fuck they weren’t kidding this really is hell

the blood stains are really good like a little bright for being old dried blood but still the practical FX slaps and I’m already starting to think that’s the show’s one redeeming quality

That child is defffffff possessed

This thing is giving me flashbacks to early quarantine when my ex made me watch killer klowns for outer space on Netflix party would not reccomend

I mean I wouldn’t reccomend this either but

Who’s Rowena

Why is the angle that low and harsh on the minimum wage demon being a fan boy like really why

Why is it a dutch too

I just want to talk to the cinematographer and see if he’s okay

Like It went to a stand eye level over the shoulder and then nack to the super harsh low dutch what’s going on

Also Who’s Micheal

Like Micheal the angel?

Is Micheal an angel? idk

why does Cas readily hand out the info that he’s an angel

Sam shot god and honestly fucking mood

is it just Sam or does every one get fucked up if they try to hurt sky-daddy cause that’s kind of a dick move

I feel like I’m supposed to recognize the MILF in white but I haven’t seen the show so IDK

What’s with the whole human sacrifice heart thing like is that standard here

I thought they were going door to door they literally only went to the one house

the killer klown from outer space is back and he has friends

I love how Cas is just like offend and exasperated over being shot

and then just fucking La Llorona makes an appearance

are the spell in fucking Latin on this show

this is why I’m a Witcher stan like at least Sapkowski’s creative an used a different dying language

why does Sam have to stay be hind like in theory they could just sprint

and he picked up the kid he’s like the one functional one here

Sam just told the killer klown from outer space to shut up and honestly same

I have 5 minutes left and it feel like it’s been an eternity

how many times have they been uncomfortably thanked by a little girl on this show cause I feel like the answer is too many

Why is the pie man such a bitch to his husband like way to press against the whole queer baiting wonder twins thing we get it you’re uncomfortable with your character’s repressed bisexuality please maybe chill you made the gay angel sad

even the minimum wage demon gets it

that looks infected

oh yeah dean’s oldest daughter syndrome is back that’s nice

I feel like I see the appeal of this show and how it could be good but then it went to hell

Wait are they actually god now what the fuck

like is this whole season just some Nietzsche bullshit okay

why does dean say just you and me? You also have a gay angel and a minimum wage demon

Final thoughts: I’m going to bed. I’ll do more tomorrow. This really is a dumpster fire. What have I gotten myself into

[kob131]

 https://rwbyconversations.tumblr.com/post/626550438587678720/the-scarlet-letter-lets-talk-about-rwbys-male

Can’t even say I stan RT since I helped in developing your own break in RT’s abusive business practices.

So let’s start with a blunt statement: RWBY’s male LGBT representation has not been good. If the series’ handling of female LGBT rep is good (which… well there’s worse shows) and the general standard for how you write LGBT characters in a show like this, its handling of male rep has been… how not to. And Before the Dawn kinda solidified the idea in my head that the show’s handling of its male LGBT cast just isn’t good enough, either by the standards of when RWBY began in 2013, or today in 2020 when compatively massive steps have been taken over the past decade to show a more diverse list of characters… or at least a more diverse list of female characters.

So how do you make good male LGBT representation? If we’re talking about how something is done badly, you’d think some ground rules would be established. ... Yeah, he never does that.

It’s big romance is (unless the writers are very stupid) going to be between Blake and Yang, their first out character was Ilia, Coco got sent to the Book Dimension where she confirmed “I use my sunglasses to perv on women without their knowledge” which uh… yeah you can definitely tell RWBY is written by men… and Volume 6 had Saph and Terra being a good example of an LGBT couple without any real drama. In the last three years alone, the show has drastically increased its lesbian and bisexual characters, alongside even including its first out trans character in May Marigold (albeit only revealed on Twitter). In general, these depictions of sexuality have been pretty OK. Would have liked it if Ilia wasn’t immediately written out of the show after Volume 5 as it made her feel a bit more disposable than intended but whatever, subject for another day.

A. What examples do we have of Bumbleby being canon? One or two animation things and voice actors? Cool, when’s White Knight becoming canon.

B. I’ve heard Barbara say similar shit. Acting like that’s a male thing is fucking sexist.

C. I’m sorry but by every single standard of LGBT writing I’ve heard-wouldn’t they be considered tokens and flat caricatures? Since they’re so irrelevant and have so little character? They’re barely even characters INCLUDING their kid. 

Sorry but considering how there’s no ground rules made for what is good LGBT rep- I can only go off what others have said. And so many, OVERWHLEMINGLY MANY, people have said Saphron and Terra aren’t good. 

D. Okay the Illa thing is yet another example of why ground rules need to be set. Saphron and Terra BOTH are written out in Volume 6 so wouldn’t they get chewed out too? What makes Illa getting written out different or more disposable?

RWBY’s male rep though is a bit spottier. There’s the plant bois in Volume 5’s premiere, we nearly had Pilot Boi until some last-minute revisions, and… Scarlet.

Look about the same as the female LGBT audience to me. Why is this so bad?

“Why Scarlet’s a bad launchpad for male LGBT rep”

I don’t like Scarlet or how his sexuality has been handled. Scarlet’s homosexuality wasn’t revealed in the show, or by the writers, or even in anything that’s actually canon. He’s confirmed gay in his sole of dialogue in a non-canon fan anthology, where the manga’s Twitter team had to say that Miles suggested the idea and approved of it.

In short, Scarlet is Dumbledore’d, where his sexuality is revealed in out-of-show material and in a way that doesn’t make it supremely obvious (Miles himself never commented to confirm this so this news was limited in how far it could spread. I’m genuinely curious how many people still don’t know Scarlet’s gay), and Scarlet himself is a nothing character who was written out of the show after Volume 3 and only reappeared in Before The Dawn, half a decade after he vanished. Compared to Ilia, as this came out after Ilia’s entire arc in Volume 5, it’s not a great starting point for mlm rep. But things would have been forgiven if it had gotten better, if the show did have more male LGBT characters introduced, even just on the Saphron/Terra level of just being around for a few episodes before leaving. Then it would have been a misfire but then we could all say “Things got better.”

Why should I care?

See, part of the job of a critic is to make the problems understandable to the audience. I emphasized ground rules because it gives the reader a base level understanding of what constitutes as good in this case. Why should I think Scarlet is bad when Saphron and Terra are on the same level and you said they were at least acceptable?

It… didn’t. Which is why when Before the Dawn released in 2020, a full two years after Scarlet was first confirmed gay, while the franchise had more than doubled its wlw rep, Scarlet remained the one male character in the entire franchise who had a name and liked men. I remember vividly a fake leak for After The Fall which claimed Yatsuhashi would come out to Velvet and admit to having a crush on Fox. And I remember as well how many people were disappointed when it was said to be false, because it would have been nice for Yatsuhashi’s character, especially after the fleshing out he gets in the CFVY books. If Yatsu had come out as gay in the books I’d like his writing enough to say he’s a good case for rep, albeit with the caveat of “This is all in side material.” But in reality, the leak was fake and Coco was confirmed gay instead.

I remember the same leak. Yatsuhashi also disappeared at the same time and even if he was fleshed out-he’s still irrelevant to the show so wouldn’t he be bad? And if it’s about having fleshed out characters, why did Illa whose a fully realized character get shaded while effective background characters praised?

Unfortunately, Before the Dawn proceeded to ruin Scarlet and made me at times feel genuinely uncomfortable as a queer man! Let’s talk about that.

And people said the same about Saphron and Terra and people get backlash for praising them over other lesbian characters.

I hate Before the Dawn. It’s… bad. I read it while on a vacation and the only solace I had about the entire thing was that I’d bought an M&M chocolate bar. The bar was finished before the book. That bummed me out. It’s not a very well written book, the prose is very Early 2010s YA Writer, none of the characters are memorable and there’s various Fun Incidents like “NGDO using children as bait for Grimm,” and “Neptune’s hydrophpobia being used as a threat to torture him and the scene is played for comedy.”

A. NDGO is repeatedly shown to be massive assholes in the book.

And B. I can’t really find anything wrong there. In one of my favorite shows, Justice League Unlimited, criminals get threatened with actual torture and even death and it’s treated as a joke. Yeah the context is different in that the victim are criminals but both the villains and Neptune get over it so quickly I see no real problem here. Especially since Jaune’s own low self worth was a joke up to Volume 5.

Theo was cool. I can’t wait to see him as written by good writers, he should be a highlight of the Vacuo arc.

Don’t go blaming E.C. Myers for this- Miles and Kerry helped. You’d have to call them shit writers too.

I had two hopes for Before the Dawn- “Don’t be bad,” and “Let Scarlet and Sage be well written.” I’d liked how After The Fall had handled some of its characters (barring, y'know, Coco perving on women), especially Fox and Yatsu who were surprising in how much I liked them. I was looking forward to seeing Myers give Sage and Scarlet similar treatment- two relatively nothing characters meant he’d have a blank slate to write them however he wanted, he could give them unique personalties and if nothing else it could be cool to see their Semblances.

You know how frustrating it is to see people blame Miles and Kerry for shit that Monty had a hand in and may have even been responsible for?

Yeah well we finally found the flipped version-

Miles and Kerry worked with Myers on the book. Just as Monty is just as much at fault as Miles and Kerry, they’re just as much at fault as Myers.

And then I read the book. (Sage fans I am so sorry for you, you got baited harder than Johnlock fans)

I thought we were talking about male LGBT rep.

Scarlet’s a giant dickhead in the book. It’s his sole character trait and his inner monologues go on, and on, and on about how much he hates Sun, how he revels in mocking him. Most of his dialogue is sarcastic put-downs about Sun and how lame he is, and Sun is never properly allowed to defend himself or point out how going with Blake meant he was able to help save Haven Academy.

You mean like how character criticized Yang for being so reckless even though she was trying to save Blake?

It shouldn’t matter what the intent or results are- Sun and Yang still did bad things and affected the people around them. They should be criticized, especially Sun here since A. He’s still doing it in the book, B. He hasn’t had any real flaws in the show which means his dynamics and interaction are limited and C. This addresses what people bitched at him about in Volumes 4 and 5 thus robbing them of the excuse to chew him out anymore.

(hey remember when Sun in Volume 6 expressly says to Blake “I was a bad leader for ditching Neptune and the others, and I need to work on that” only for Before the Dawn to have him staunchly refuse to accept that he let the team down? I don’t think Myers did but I do)

Remember how characters in RWBY don’t always learn their lesson, especially when it’s related to mental issues like...say....losing their parents and trying to run from their problems?

Also remember how MILES AND KERRY ALSO HELPED WRITE THAT BOOK?

Scarlet being a ratty bitch would be one thing if, again, the franchise had done more rep. He’d still be a badly written character, but it wouldn’t sting as much. But because Scarlet is still the only expressly confirmed male LGBT character in canon (the book teases that Nolan is gay but there’s never confirmation either way beyond him smiling at Scarlet), it means that he has to represent that entire ideal. So when the one gay man in Remnant is being an asshole and a snide loser, that means that by extension, this is how the franchise sees gay men. And that fucking sucks! I wanted to come out of Before The Dawn singing its praises, I wanted to like the book, but it was a massive letdown, especially coming off of the other big 2020 RWBY controversy involving gay characters.

Fun fact: LGBT people can be assholes. 

In fact, Scarlet would be the ONLY LGBT character to be snide in the show. Kind of makes him unique in that regard. ...If he was an asshole in canon. When in canon, he’s portrayed as hurt and bitter over Sun’s repeated irresponsibility and doing what anyone would do in his situation.

So honestly, he’s pretty fucking human which I would praised BEYOND being LGBT.

Yeah. We’re doing this.

Remember, you choose to do all this.

Clover and Fair Game: Technically not queerbaiting. BUT:

But nothing. Once again, without any ground rules for what you constitute as ‘queerbaiting’- I only have myself to rely on. And just about every serious definition says Queerbaiting is baiting LGBT rep or pairings to get people to watch the show.

Issue? Not only was Fair Game not used to promote the show, there are other LGBT characters in RWBY. You can’t be queerbaited anymore than a straight person can be ‘straightbaited’ (We’ll be getting into SO MUCH MORE than this later...).

Let’s pre-empt this: Clover wasn’t queerbaiting, and Fair Game, while cool and I dig it, kudos to them for becoming one of the top 5 RWBY pairings on AO3 in one year that’s fucking impressive (I say with mild malice as an IronQrow main), never had a chance. The writing never seriously boosted it barring one interaction which was flirty (them talking in the lobby of the Schnee Manor), and everything else was out of show boosting through the social media teams and CRWBY hyping it themselves by saying they liked it. If you wanna blame people, blame the animators who went off-script with stuff like Kim Newman adding the wink as a deliberate nod to the Volume 4 waitress, or the social media team deliberately using the same policies for Fair Game as they do for Renora and Bumblebee.

So nothing I should give a shit about since marketing teams often work detached from the actual product and are notoriously CUTTHROAT.

It wasn’t Eddy’s fault that things escalated, and he himself has said that in retrospect, he should have warned people that this never had a shot.

But I can’t blame the Fair Game fanbase. Because Fair Game took off like wildfire. It came right as the fanbase began seriously asking for more male rep, Qrow’s pretty hot, and the Clover wink came right after the Great IronQrow Reawakening of November 9th, 2019. The rocket was primed, and they rode it to the moon. Finally, to these people, after seven years RWBY seemed to be doing something with mlm rep in show. People started getting into RWBY just for Clover and Qrow’s interactions. And if heroes were boring, Watts and Tyrian also had a fantastic dynamic that made Nuts and Volts one of the more popular villain ships overnight. Things seemed to be turning around! RWBY was remembering that gay men existed! You could hear the choir sing!

... You JUST said that show didn’t bolster the ship aside from one interaction (one that pales to the shit I use to say in private to fuck with people). It was obviously NOT meant to be a serious component of the show. If people got into a show for something it was never meant to stick to- it’s their own fault for when that part falls away.

… And for those people, that meant that episode 12 hit like Truck-Kun.

People got pissed. People were horrified. And it didn’t help that some members of CRWBY had said in the build-up that episode 12 would have some shots that made them nauseous (probably the Tyrian thumb thing) Out of context, it looked to these fans like CRWBY were basically laughing at their suffering, like they were saying “Lol, you thought you had a chance, get fucked, I hope your vomit burns on the way up.”

Yeah, Fair Game was never gonna be canon, and I think some people ran too far with it. But in the wider context of how desperate RWBY’s mlm community had gotten for basic crumbs of content? I can see why they’d run with what they had. The writers aren’t at fault for what happened, but CRWBY didn’t help matters. And that desperate mix of what felt like official backing from the crew, jokes about how cute the ship was, and the hope that finally the show would have onscreen rep? I can see why people ran with it.

Ah huh ah huh ah huh-

Now do that for the first three Volumes of the show with a bigger fan favorite, more build up and kill one half of it off at the end of the show’s big dark turn while the creators are even MORE unsympathetic.

Sorry but when compared to Arkos, this looks fucking minscule. And you invoked the Arkos comparison due to the numerous parallels. And just like with the Arkos fans, I’ll disregard this without a second thought.

‘But Mlm are STARVED for content-’

Then go somewhere else. I’ve been saying this to your Wlw AND Straight counterparts for years. You are not entitled to have ‘a meal’. The show didn’t advertise in universe around rep- That is not the point. This is like saying you hate nachoes because it dares to have chips instead of more toppings.

So why is the show more lackluster in depicting mlm characters?

I don’t think you ever answered that the question ‘is the show’s mlm lackluster?’ because you spent a third of this post talking about something you basically admit doesn’t count.

Money. Let’s be honest, most RWBY fans don’t care if the show doesn’t have good male rep. I’m willing to bet some of you reading this won’t care and just dismiss it as not being that big a problem.

I dismiss all the romance related shit as not being that big of a problem, so what?

I don’t think the writers care if the show doesn’t have good mlm rep because they’re not poaching that market. They’re after what they see as a bigger, more lucrative market, which in this case is female LGBT rep. That gets people buying games, watching shows, raising awareness and boosting awareness of your property, which means you make more money. In short: Two women kissing hits more markets and generates more attention than two men.

I’d believe that if not for the fact that there is barely any lesbian merch for RWBY, which would be the key way to cash in on that market and squeeze them for as much money as possible. In fact, there’s barely ANY shipping merch from Rooster Teeth. Rather unusual if they’re trying to cash in on a market.

‘Well what’s YOUR explanation?’

Easy: Misandry and moving goalposts.

Guys notoriously get shat on in the fandom more than women. Jaune is STILL being called a spotlight stealing MAry Sue and numerous people are siding against Ironwood because he’s a man. So making good male LGBT rep would just be inviting more pipe bombs in the mail.

And a large amount of people like to claim RWBY has yet to give GOOD female LGBT rep, constantly raising the bar to get what they want. And considering they make up the original hatedom in the show- they naturally hold more power.

Tl;Dr- You fucked yourselves out of good male rep by having male characters having any focus whatsoever be a death sentence.

Am I saying that Miles, Monty and Kerry deliberately sat down seven years ago and said “We’re not doing gay men because it won’t generate enough ad revenue and traffic to be worth the loss in revenue from homophobes?” No, that’s silly. But I’m saying that it’s less important for them, and it shows in the things that are small and add up. Things like Miles not verifying Scarlet’s sexuality or retweeting the manga account’s confirmation to spread the message (compared to how he enthusiastically confirmed Ilia being a lesbian himself during the Reddit AMA). It shows in how Pilot Boi would have been the first mlm character only to die in his second full episode until M&K were told about the Bury Your Gays trope. It shows in how Shannon believes that Ozma is “megaqueer” and Miles jokingly laughs it off instead of confirming it, leaving it to just be Shannon’s headcanon. It shows in how actor shipping is compared between the mlm and wlw ships, where Arryn and Barbara’s frequent pushes for Bumblebee are seen as “official confirmation that it’s endgame” while Michael and Kerry saying they enjoy Seamonkeys is treated as “well it would be cute if they did it, but they’re never going to.”

The whole point of AMA is answer questions, one of which was ‘is Illa a lesbian’ among SEVERAL others.

Yeah and Illa gets called a psycho lesbian. 

Yeah and no other voice actor headcanon has been accepted. In fact, Kara pushes for White Knight and the writers don’t even so much as acknowledge that unlike Shannon. Also I dunno what ‘megaqueer’ means but his only on screen relationship was straight so that’s probably why it wasn’t confirmed.

Not the creators, don’t care.

I’m not gonna say anything like “CRWBY are gonna have Qrow end up with a woman like Robyn out of spite against the bad apples of the Fair Game crowd.” I’m not gonna say that I don’t think CRWBY cares about male representation in the series. It is, however, definitely a low priority for them, and because that leads to gaffes like Scarlet’s writing in Before The Dawn being offensive in his depiction, it only makes the contrast between the sexes all the more painfully apparent.

Again, the female side ain’t much better. Fuck, the straight side isn’t much better. This was never a focus of the show.

I’m kinda tired of waiting for Rooster Teeth to show that they do care about mlm. I’m kinda tired of RWBY’s male rep being written like it came from a 1993 time capsule where I have to enhance the screen to see a guy holding a sign of Sun’s abs or be content with the only onscreen rep still being the plant bois in Volume 5. I’m tired of how often the crew dances around answering basic questions about sexuality (and age, and birthdays, and heights, and so on) by treating it as a spoiler question, as if just wanting to know what way people swing would ever be a spoiler. I’m just… tired of all this. When the best mlm rep in Rooster Teeth’s history remains the two dads in Camp Camp who show up in a few episodes, that should say something really bad about your company and your biases (To say nothing of the recent Red vs Blue seasons and their blatant queerbaiting for Grif and Simmons and the whole can of worms that is Donut).

And their best rep in wlw according to some people is a psycho lesbian. 

This is all just personal opinion that is next to useless without the basis needed for clear understanding. I don’t know what you would consider good male LGBT rep aside from a squeaky clean good guy...and many would decry that as condescending and unrealistic.

What can they do except ignore EVERYONE and just do whatever they feel like?

P.S. Someone’s representation is NOT their view on LGBT people. Especially since, as I have said, the reception of said rep can be outright contradictory.

I’d like to not feel like I’m borderline unwelcome because I’d like to see two men in this show kiss, and that the sole thing that represents people like me in this show is some British twat who complains about sand.

Oh fuck off. I’m also apart of a minority group (autists) and yet you don’t see me winging about how unwelcome I feel because there’s no autistic characters. I relate to characters like Ruby not because they have shallow autistic traits but because I constantly struggle with the same ideological dilemma Ruby does: the struggle to keep doing good in an uncaring, cruel world. THAT is what you should find relatable and welcome. Not something like sexuality.

I’d just like to feel like my sexuality isn’t a joke to Rooster Teeth (or at the very least, be like Donut and have it be a funny one). But at this point after the last few years? I feel like a very uncomfortable punchline to them. And it just sucks.

Cool-Welcome to club. You know, since EVERY sexuality has been used a punchline by Rooster Teeth.

Your sexuality should be the LAST thing that you use to find being welcome, especially with a god damn company. And you have no one to blame for your feelings but yourself here. 

Your post is damn near useless and I don’t even know how honest that RT stuff is considering Miles and Kerry get away while E.C. Myers gets blamed for stuff you don’t like.

[thousandbirds]

hatake kakashi’s tropes ( as seen in canon ) are as follow :

--- the Ace. someone who is ridiculously good at what they do, whatever that happens to be, and everyone knows it. people look up to them, envy them, and are in awe of them. they have a reputation for doing the impossible, and may be Shrouded in Myth, as people are unable to separate their real accomplishments from unfounded rumors. they'll probably be extremely talented at everything they try. in direct relation to this, he is also affected by the Broken Ace trope. he's tall, charming, strikingly good-looking and extremely skilled, but underneath all that his inner self is a mess of self-hatred and parental issues ( more on the Broken Ace trope later on the list ). 

--- Always Someone Better. the character who is the best-of-the-best with a supporting cast that Can't Catch Up. more powerful than the super hero, or more skilled than the ninja, or smarter than the professor, and so on.

---  Achilles' Heel. any seemingly Nigh Invulnerable character will inevitably have some key weakness that can and will be exploited. in kakashi’s case, this is his massive stamina issues, exacerbated by the use of his sharingan, which demands a ridiculous amount of chakra when used. almost all of his major battles have ended with him fainting or bed-ridden for over-expending his energy.

--- Badass Bookworm. these characters are quiet, smart, and seemingly physically unimposing, but with Hidden Depths of formidable physical and practical skills. naruto calls him as smart as shikamaru, which, combined with his status as the most elite ninjutsu specialist in konoha, would make him this easily.

--- Badass Teacher. they are just a regular teacher, until you threaten their students. after that you might want to start praying to whatever god is out there for mercy. you do not mess with their students. also related to the Sink-or-Swim Mentor, as seen in his bell test, which doubles as a Secret Test of Character for his students.

--- Bishōnen. the term bishōnen simply connotes a really, really attractive male. it is seen as somewhat of a gag through the manga, but the truth is that an unmasked kakashi is seen to give nosebleeds, provoke swooning, blushing, and in general cause strangers to stop and stare. related to this is the Even the Guys Want Him trope, as both the few females and males who have seen him unmasked are, well, very impressed to say the least.

--- Blessed with Suck. when a character is given a special ability that seems to cause nothing but trouble for them. because he isn't an uchiha, he can't deactivate the sharingan and it rapidly drains his chakra reserves whenever he uses it, leaving him bedridden after extended use. he keeps the eye covered when he doesn't need it in order to prevent this. the mangekyō sharingan, in particular, places a great strain on kakashi, and precipitated the deterioration of his vision until eventually his eye went blind during the fourth shinobi world war.

--- Broken Ace. kakashi talks about his broken past to sasuke, to try and convince him that revenge isn't everything and that living with the pain of his losses, while difficult, is possible. it doesn't work. later, in the battle against kaguya, kakashi tells obito that losing obito, rin, and minato all within the span of a year all but completely broke him, going on to state that there was nothing stopping him from completely sinking into despair except for the fact that obito had entrusted his sharingan ( and thus, his dream of seeing the future together ) to him. given the amount of characters that turned to darker paths for similar reasons, it's a bit of an eye-opener as to how close kakashi could have been to completely losing himself as well.

--- Child Prodigy. as youngest genin and chunin, kakashi graduated at 5 years old from the academy and went on to become the most accomplished shinobi of his generation.

--- Cool Teacher. team 7 was the first team that he ever passed, because they're the first one to catch his lesson on putting each other's safety ahead of the mission. look underneath the underneath.

--- Deadpan Snarker. always has a straight face on, no matter the absurdity of the situation. the mask probably helps in this department. [ kakashi: naruto, you can't kill the client. that's not how it works. ]

--- Despair Event Horizon. the line that, once crossed, destroys any last remaining sense of hope. it could be for a cause, a person, a situation, or simple survival. a character has given up on it, and there is no going back. it can lead soldiers to despair — or even suicide, if they don't simply lose the will to live. it can turn an ideal hero into an anti-hero or an outright villain. it's in his time in ANBU ( during and after the kyuubi attack ) that kakashi was dangerously close to this after the death of his sensei, leaving him the last living member of his team. it's implied that the reason why kakashi wasn't a big part of naruto's life until he became a genin was because he was so mentally anguished that he couldn't be trusted around small children, even if they were his sensei's son. he was barely able to take care of himself ; there is no way he would've been able to handle taking care of a baby jinchuuriki at the same time. it took a lot of time and support for him to move past this, and it wasn't until he was assigned to team 7 that he really began to heal.

--- Everybody's Dead, Dave. his backstory can be summed up in this one trope. when sasuke threatens to kill someone close to him so kakashi can understand his pain, kakashi replies that everyone he cares about is already dead.

--- Failure Hero. this is how he sees himself after watching his childhood team die and later on when he failed to talk sasuke out of defecting.

--- Friendly Rivalry. proud partner on the ultimate rivalry with maito gai, lasting from their early childhood, up into adulthood, and still very, very intense and showing no signs of slowing down.

--- Generation Xerox. this trope takes following in your parent's footsteps to a whole new level. they haven’t just inherited their parents' character traits and superpowers — they've inherited their entire life story. kakashi was mentioned to greatly resemble his father sakumo hatake, Konoha's White Fang, which made his enemies tremble in fear of him even when he was just about 13 years of age, mistaking him for his father. he's also a generation xerox of jiraiya. he lost his teacher, lost his student to the dark side, his closest childhood friend turned into one of the most reviled criminals in history and was indirectly responsible for their teacher's death, and has a near pathological Heroic Self-Deprecation as well.

--- Heroic Self-Deprecation. he literally calls himself trash when talking to obito. learning that his childhood friend obito, his idol and hero, the person who kakashi has modeled his entire life after, is responsible for nearly every tragedy that has befallen him over the years, starting with their teacher's death, all but broke him completely — the amount of self-hatred he felt after that revelation was almost insurmountable.

--- Hidden Depths. from naruto's point of view, he has this generally cheerful, constantly tardy teacher who is a Flat Character, someone he doesn't really think or worry about all that much. however, during the fight with obito, it turns out that that same tardy, cheery guy who's been protecting naruto all these years is indirectly responsible for creating the main villain of the story, and he has one of the worst background stories of all the characters in the series.

--- I Let Gwen Stacy Die. specifically, he killed rin himself... because she chose to jump in the way of his raikiri rather than become a Trojan Horse and be the catalyst of her village’s destruction. 

--- Instant Expert. they are almost universally capable of instantly figuring out how to use their stolen powers, typically to the same level of skill or effectiveness, or even a greater level, as the character who had the power first.

--- The Leader. even though his students outclass him strength-wise during the fourth shinobi world war, kakashi remains their leader. sasuke tries to take over, but his strategies against kaguya fail miserably. kakashi comes up with an alternative plan in minutes, making use of his students' skills as well as his own, and it instantly succeeds. afterwards, even the Sage of the Sixth Paths compliments his leadership ability.

--- Mask Power. is never seen without a mask on. and in fact, he’s never seen with his whole face revealed. not for eating, not for drinking either. some distraction or accident will suddenly occur so that his face remains private. team 7 is shown trying to see under kakashi's mask but when they finally get him to remove it in front of them, underneath is... another mask. according to pakkun, he hates being photographed without it. when he becomes hokage, his face on the mountain still has the mask on.

--- Obfuscating Stupidity. kakashi is first shown as a goofy teacher who falls for one of naruto's unbelievably idiotic pranks, but he soon reveals himself to be badass. his enemies do know he's dangerous, and treat him as such, but he's far more dangerous than most of them have been led to believe. he makes deliberate misleading first impressions, which cause people to underestimate him, and then makes uses of that fact to his advantage.

--- Screw the Rules, I'm Doing What's Right! in the ninja world, those who break the rules are scum, that's true, but those who abandon their friends are worse than scum.

--- Shell-Shocked Veteran. he lost his father to suicide, his childhood friend to an enemy attack, his teammate rin, who he himself killed, and his mentor minato to the kyuubi. the reason kakashi was always late for his training sessions with his genin team? every morning he spends hours just standing in front of the konoha memorial to honor his comrades' memory. in immediate aftermath of rin's Heroic Sacrifice kakashi suffers Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. he keeps seeing rin die by his hands, having nightmares, and as a result becomes far, far more withdrawn. due to the trauma he couldn't use his chidori anymore since he kept thinking of rin. it's stated that during his time in ANBU, kakashi became so depressed that gai literally begged the third hokage to either allow gai himself to join or to release kakashi from service altogether. it was only after his jounin instructor transfer and with gai's persistent friendship that kakashi's mental health started to improve for the first time in years.

--- Shrouded in Myth. a Living Legend, mysterious and untouchable. rumors and hearsay seem to surround their every word and deed.

--- The Stoic. probably the hardest character to get a rise out of in the entire series, except when the Icha Icha series or his dead childhood friend is concerned.

--- Team Dad. the opposite to the Team Mom, more often than not the disciplinarian, lead-by-example-kind of character. he tends to be strict and gruff, but he never hesitates to put his life on the line for his team members. sometimes the facade might even crack and he'll show undisguised pride over his kids.

--- Wise Beyond His Years. kakashi graduated from the academy at five, passed the chunin exam one year later, and became a jonin not much later. all through his childhood, people remarked how mature he was, an outlier from his peers.

--- Wishful Projection. kakashi is a strange case in which his projection was on someone who he thought was dead. obito, who is the one death he has never managed to move past. somewhere down the line, he went from deceased childhood friend whose last wishes I need to honor, to idol whose memory and ideals I need to live up to. a lot of kakashi's baggage stems from his over-idealization of obito ; some part of him genuinely believes that obito always would've succeeded where he failed. kakashi is subconsciously projecting his prodigious abilities and genius reputation on to obito, since it was his sacrifice and ideals that kakashi lives on for. learning that obito became the Big Bad almost broke him, but it was also the event that contributed to him seeing obito as a person again and finally being able to move on with his life.

[witchywmyn-blog]

I cannot believe how stupid Contrapoints is. You can tell he hasn't really talked to a radical feminist before and probably just sifted through a couple radfem blogs or something because his refutations were truly... something.

First he begins by having his "TERF" character raise some various talking points of ours (and I applaud him for not strawmanning them, so that's something), but then you wanna guess how he chooses to 'address them'? Well, that's just it. He doesn't.

To paraphrase, he essentially says that all of these valid points we have are just troll questions that are designed by us to do nothing but provoke trans people, like the crazy conspiracy theorist he is. Victim complex, much? He says that these questions should be ignored and then he does just that: ignores those few and moves on. Wow, way to not even refute our arguments and actually try to challenge our minds! What a cowardice. Does he even have any arguments? It's not like our questions are the same as crypto fascists asking why we don't have a "white history month" or some bullshit, but Contra probably can't see a difference like the MRA he is.

He then says that "TERFs" like to call themselves "radical feminists" or "gender critical feminists" as a nicer way of saying TERF even though that's literally false as we have been calling ourselves simply radical feminists since the 70s, and the term "TERF" was only coined more recently by a transwoman as a name for them to call us, so that was just another bit of Contrapoints's propaganda that we're like these "crypto feminazis" or however him and his MRA cult followers think of us.

Oh, hey, speaking of men's rights activists, he actually went on to compare us to them! He starts saying that hating men is the same thing as MRAs who hate women and "feminazis." Kind of like comparing racism to reverse racism! Oh wait, that's right, Contrapoints doesn't believe that sex is real and that it is just an utterly meaningless identity and therefore we cannot criticize men or name the differences between men and women because identity is all that matters, even though there are literal chromosomal and biological differences in humans that separate them into two sex categories: men and women! But although Contra acknowledges that race is just a social construct, he still acknowledges that the world sees differences in races and thus racism is still based on race. Yet he thinks that everyone believes what he believes about sex so therefore sex-based oppression isn't real! Ain't that some magical thinking right there. If only he had developed a theory of mind like everyone else past the age of 5 has.

(Sidenote: It's ironic that he's talking about us like we're crazy, bigoted, man-hating "feminazis" while simultaneously comparing us to the men who think of us like that too. And, I mean, he did call us "man-hating bigots" in the video. Really proving how much of an MRA he is.)

In fact, he even tried to prove that transwomen who don't pass (i.e. the world sees them as men) don't actually have male privilege because people will treat them like shit for being feminine! More classic MRA talking points that Contra probably doesn't even realize are MRA talking points!

Oh, wait, would you look at that. If you delve deeper into his video, he actually mentions that when he was younger he used to be a (gasp) anti-feminist! Totally shocking, I know!

And before I wrap this up, do you wanna know what the worst part of this entire video is? He actually compared not calling transwomen by their preferred pronouns to not letting immigrants into the country (metaphorical 'borders', in his mind).

So yeah, that's it from the ol' Contrapoints. Can't wait to see what's next in about a month! Hopefully no more of this gender shit because I'm honestly getting really sick of it. I preferred when he used to make more video responses to people like Jordan Peterson, or TheGoldenOne. Those were a lot funnier and probably actually helped to steer young people away from dangerous ideologies, so hopefully he gets off this gender streak he's got going on right now and actually starts to make insightful videos again. I can't believe he dragged this one out for over 30 minutes, god.

[lady-alayne]

Game of Thrones: An Angry Recap

Season 7 Episode 7: The Dragon and the Wolf

Outside of King's Landing:

As Dany's troops are positioning themselves all around King's Landing, Bronn and Jaime have a deep and meaningful discussion about the construct of masculinity between the conflicting priorities of cocks and what-even-is-the-point-of-not-having-a-cock. Oh, the subtle socio-anthropological nuances of Game of Thrones, more refined each episode.

But back to Dany's troops! The Unsullied, motionless as ever, stand still as an army of Dothraki rides through their ranks making... scary noises? Where did they pick those up? I'm pretty sure the Dothraki were not yodeling like that in season 1. But, whatever, who cares about continuity? Most characters have been replaced by a caricature of themselves this season, so why not make the Dothraki more foreign and more different? Apparently it's supposed to make for some good TV instead of, you know, raising a lot of eyebrows and bordering offensiveness.

The real Team Dany, meanwhile, sails into King's Landing, and we find out that Jon is completely healed! Based on the established timelines, it took him about 10 minutes to heal and put his cothes back on, as this is approximately the time it takes to sail from the North to King's Landing. Makes sense, doesn't it?

Aaaaaaaaaand our sexist joke counter immediately goes DING! as Tyrion mentions the far superior King's Landing brothels. I mean... sure. The best brothel in show!universe was undoubtedly Littlefinger's fine establishment, which is not operating any more, so... someone else must have taken over? And how would Tyrion even know? Has he been to all the brothels? (Okay, he probably has.) Based on the show's characterization, I'd say the best brothels are in Dorne, but... who cares. Maybe D&D are contractually obligated to mention sex all the time. Or they probably just think it's worthy of all the Emmys, which, sadly, seems to be the case. Ugh.

The Dragonpit:

On the way to the dragonpit Missandei, who, if I may remind, IS THE QUEENS MOST TRUSTED ADVISOR, DOES NOT UNDERSTAND WHY IT WOULD BE A SMART MOVE TO CONTAIN A BUNCH OF GROWN UP KILLER DRAGONS. Thankfully, Jorah is there to mansplain how dangerous dragons can be. You know, to the woman who witnessed Dany's dragons torching countless flocks of innocent sheep, and eventually a child, which made Dany LOCK THEM UP. But, oh, what could the Dragonpit possibly be there for??? Tyrion then supermansplains how the last dragons died, because as soon as another male character (except for Jon) has more than 10 seconds screentime, Tyrion must be brought into the mix to remind us all how awesome he is.

Thankfully he is interrupted by Bronn, who came with Brienne and Pod for some reason, who seem to have teleported into King's Landing. Because it's Pod and there seems to be a law, Bronn makes a joke about Pod's magic cock. Sigh. Why won't D&D ever let us forget about that?

After a Brienne/Sandor and Tyrion/Bronn reunion scene, the gang finally makes it into the Dragnpit, which is FUCKING TINY. Even for one fully grown dragon it wouldn't be enough space to spread their wings and fly. But for several??? No wonder the dragons got the blues and stopped growing. Dude.

Finally Team Cersei arrives, and then—CLEGANBOWL GET HYPE!!! Or.... not, as Sandor chooses to walk away. Lame!

Dany shows up 15 minutes late without Starbucks, but on her dragon, which impresses Cersei exactly 0.00. Just as Tyrion is about to instigate a peaceful negotiation, Euron heckles him, leaving Theon... unperturbed??? What happened to your PTSD, Theon? I guess it comes and goes as the plot demands it. Realistic!

Cersei tells Euron to shut the hell up, and Team Dany finally have the chance to explain the threat beyond the wall to the Queen and even have their wight show-and-tell. Jon explains and demonstrates how to defeat them while looking like he's shooting a “How To” youtube video, which seems to convince Cersei, who accept the truce, and scare the shit out of Euron, who jumps up and yells, “SCREW YOU GUYS, I'M GOING HOME.”

By the way. Jon explicitly states that wights CANNOT SWIM. THEN HOW DID THEY GET THE DRAGON OUT OF THE WATER????

In other news, Cersei's truce comes with one condition: That the North does not take up arms against the Lannisters, even after the White Walkers have been defeated. Unfortunately Jon's compromised dick honor prevents him from accepting those terms, and Cersei storms out. Brienne then tries to reason with Jaime by yelling “Fuck loyalty!” WHICH MAKES ABSOUTELY NO SENSE AND GOES AGAINST EVERYTHING BRIENNE STANDS FOR ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Saint Tyrion, who knows he is protected by plot armor, volunteers to talk to Cersei again and manages to sway her mind in about 3 seconds, which seems very plausible. Don't forget, the plot demands it.

Meanwhile we are treated to Jon's cringey attempt at flirting with Dany, who tells her, “You're not like the other girls! You're, like, super special!”

By the way, isn't it insanely warm under those furs? Why is Jon still dressed in his Northern collection?

Cersei reappears to promise her armies. Which makes me wonder... WHAT ARMIES??? Weren't they all torched by Dany on their way back from Highgarden, and the ones she spared bent the knee and are fighting for her now, anyway? What was even the point of this meeting? What armies can Cersei contribute???

An hour later we find out.... None. Because Cersei lied, and she has no intention to join the fight. This does not go over too well with Jaime, who gets into a heated argument with his sister and eventually storms out to ride... somewhere, just as the first snow is falling on King's Landing.

Dragonstone:

Back in their free castle, Team Dany are figuring out how to move the troops Norths. In one of the more obvious WHICH ONE WILL SHE CHOOSE??? moments, Jorah and Jon both suggest different ways for Dany to get there, and to no one's surprise she chooses Jon. Jorah, for real. You're better than this. It's just painful. MOVE ON.

Jon and Theon later have a heart-to-heart in the throne room that LITERALLY STARTS WITH THEON SAYING “YOU ARE ALWAYS GOOD AND SMART AND PERFECT.” Oh my god. Do D&D really think we are THAT STUPID? Do they really think we would not UNDERSTAND how PERFECT Jon is if it is not REPEATED OVER AND OVER??? To “help” with Theon's identity crisis, Jon then tells him he can be both a Greyjoy and a Stark, which... doesn't really help Theon at all, but it's the thought that counts I guess? Inspired by Jon's council, Theon then decides to rescue Yara. The Ironborn are TOTALLY against that, but then Theon beats one of them to death, so they are all for that. Hooray!

Now here's the thing. Theon's arc was amazing. He was a smug little asshole who made all the wrong choices and came to pay for them dearly. Ramsay broke him, in all ways a man can be broken. Theon became Reek. But his empathy with Sansa redeemed him, and Theon fought off his Reek state. And he found that last, tiny bit of strength, and let that fuel him. He was still broken and scared, but he ignored it because, finally, he wanted to do the right thing and help Sansa. That was beautiful.

What is NOT beautiful is having Theon repeat this arc over and over and over. He has spent the last two seasons in a perpetual Theon/Reek/Theon/Reek/Theon hamster wheel, always having the personality that would fit best into the rest of the bullshit D&D are trying to sell us as coherent plot. He's triggered by all the violence and jumps overboard when Euron abducts Yara, but when he faces him again in the dragonpit he cracks jokes about Euron and doesn't give a fuck. A little while later he is broken and remorseful again and regrets his life choices, once again deciding to rescue a damsel in distress to redeem himself, and is “empowered” by killing a man. (I will talk about D&D's idea of “empowerment through violence” in a later post). Not only does this once again underline the misogyny of GoT—women are merely used as props in men's character arcs, which a few exceptions—IT ALSO MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE. What are you??? REEK OR THEON??? Stop yoyoing back and forth, for fuck's sake.

And don't even get me started on the Ironborn. Yara's crew is supposed to be the most loyal crew there is. These men are supposed to go through hell for their captain. But, no, as soon as it gets a bit inconvenient they decide to choose raping and pillaging instead, altought YARA WAS TOTALLY AGAINST THAT. And Theon beats one of them up and THEY IMMEDIATELY CHANGE THEIR MINDS AGAIN??? Honestly, if I was Theon, I would not trust these men AT ALL.

Winterfell:

Petyr Baelish is smart and wonderful. When Sansa gets a letter from Jon that must have read “Hi sis, just fyi, we're Targaryen bannermen now!” he notes that IT IS NOT EASY FOR RAVENS TO FLY IN THESE STORMS, thus proving that 1) he is the only character that somehow makes sense (despite his season 5 jetpack!) and 2) he absolutely has to die now because D&D can't have a character that's smarter than him. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Lord Baelish.

Sansa is understandably not super happy about Jon bending the knee, which makes Littlefinger suggest that she could be Queen in the North instead because IT IS HER BIRTHRIGHT ANYWAY. When Sansa notes that Arya might not be on board with that idea and murder her because of the cult she recently joined, Petyr smartly replies “I never trust godly men.” Which, you have to admit, makes him simply wonderful.

Then Sansa and Petyr discuss how likely it is that Arya wants to murder Sansa. And let's face it, based on everything that went down last episode, it seems pretty likely. Arya did threaten her WITH A DAGGER. And talk about WEARING HER FACE. So........ I REST MY CASE. IT SEEMS PRETTY LIKELY.

But who cares about logic, amirite? In the most foreseeable plot twist in the history of Game of Thrones, it turns out the Stark sister did NOT want to murder each other, but instead teamed up to take down the man whose only function had become to be an evil creeplord, so all the viewers would know that he should definitely be killed.

And once again Game of Thrones chose supposed “shock value” over consistency, logic, and good storytelling. Let me sum this up.

Petyr Baelish STARTED THE WAR OF THE FIVE KINGS because HE IS SUPER SMART. He knows everything about everyone and, more importantly, he knows how to use that knowledge to his advantage. He then used the ensuing chaos to RISE EVEN HIGHER in this world. Along the way he also RESCUED SANSA from King's Landing AND from being pushed through a moon door AND from being slaughtered during the battle of the bastards. Okay, he also sold Sansa to Ramsay, which was... stupid, and I hate D&D for making him do that. But all he did, he did for Sansa. Because he truly and genuinely LOVED HER.

But this poor, poor, unfortunate soul was not “badass” enough for D&D. They did not know what to do with this wonderful, complex character. And, frankly, they didn't care. All they cared about were the fans they were servicing. And the fans wanted to see him dead. So D&D went on tumblr and read the hate posts. And they put him on a mock trial for that. Sansa accused him of many things, things she had no reason to know, and don't tell me that Bran just KNEW THIS. We later see that Bran is not an omniscient superbrain. He merely has the power to see everything he chooses to see. That means Bran must have consciously chosen to watch Petyr Baelish throughout the decades to uncover all his crimes, so his sister could then accuse him of them. Seriously???

But who cares. Not the fans D&D are servicing. The wanted to see Petyr dead, because they, too, did not understand his character. They only see the world as black and white. Petyr was not good, so he had to be evil. And therefor he had to be killed. By three teenagers. Three kids, really. Three kids who are not evil, and therefor they had to be good, their actions reasonable, their violence justified.

This does not explain why Arya was threatening Sansa last week. Was it just a show for Petyr? Then why do it behind closed doors? Or did she actually mean it? Then when did she have a change of heart? It just makes no sense. It makes no fucking sense. 

I mourn the death of one of the last complex, morally ambiguous characters. One of the original players. He set it all in motion. He played the Game like no one else. And he looked smoking hot doing it.

Rest in peace, my Lord Protector. You deserved better than this. And know that you will be avenged. In metas, in fanfictions, in fanart... We will right the wrongs that have been done to you. And you will live on in our hearts, and, for some of us, under our skins. Fly now to your rest, my sweet mockingbird.

***

But the story does not end there for the Winterfell gang. Bran is visited by Sam, and they talk about how Jon is actually... AEGON TARGARYEN????? WHAT?!?!?!?!?! THERE ALREADY IS AN AEGON TARGARYEN??? OR DID D&D DIMISH ELIA'S CHARACTER EVEN FURTHER AND CHOSE TO ONLY GIVE HER ONE CHILD INSTEAD OF TWO??? WHAT IS THE POINT OF ALL THIS?!?!?!?! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By the way... GILLY FOUND OUT THAT RHAEGAR GOT MARRIED TO LYANNA, YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE TOERAG. But Sam takes all the credit. THIS IS NOT OKAY.

And apparently Bran can now see everything from everywhere??? What happened to “You have to warg an animal or look out of a heart tree???” Too inconvenient for D&D?!?!?!?

Somewhere on the Narrow Sea:

Epic Boat Sex(TM) is actually a thing, y'all. I mean, it wasn't epic, more like... sweet. Until we found out Jon's banging his aunt. So... take that as you will.

Beyond the Wall:

JUST BURN THAT MOTHERFUCKING WALL TO THE GROUND AND KILL THEM ALL. I AM SO ROOTING FOR YOU. KILL THEM, BABY. KILL THEM ALL.

[thetribalmoth]

REVIEW: We Are The Ants by Shaun David Hutchinson

*warning: suicide, rape, drug abuse, parental abuse, depression, assault, severe relentless bullying, violent psychotic breaks, miscarriages* If you can easily relate to the main character or any of the characters really, please seek professional help. 

 1/5, if it was possible to rate this thing a zero or in the negatives on goodreads I would. 

This entire story is sad, drespessing and horribly screwed up. And not in a good way. I'm all for telling a real, hard and unpleasant story but this isn't something anyone should subject themselves to. Reading it makes me concerned for the mental state of the author. If you are suicidal or depressed in any way DO NOT read this. This might as well have been a How To on how to push someone towards suicide. Sure a good chunk of the book is all about trying to convince Space boy why he should save the world and thus not die. But it comes off cheap and is immediately followed by a reason to die and how everything is completely pointless and how he should just be dead. Further I'm convinced the author is severely pessimistic and either has repressed sexual aggression or thinks all teenagers have severe repressed sexual aggression. 

I do not want any preteen or young kid reading this and thinking this is how teenagers are, it will mess them up. I do not want teenagers reading this book and thinking this is the way other teenagers are or what the adult word is like. It will mess them up. An adult can read this and recognise that it's inaccurate crap but even then it's not a healthy read. I recommend this book to no one. Further no one should read it. I have hated books before but this is a different kind of hate. This book shouldn't exist, it shouldn't have been written. 

Now I'm going to be calling the main character by his nickname/insult Space boy. Largely cause I hate the book. Also because Space boy is all the main character thinks his is or will ever be, he's right. Also I'm going to be swearing and the like a bit, it fits the book. 

For the writing style, it's egotistical yet completely self depricating. The intro is like a small child writing their first book. The chapter titles are just dates, which fits the whole "this is a journal" narrative but it feels lazy and childish. Right off the bat you're hit with the vulgarity of a small child who just learned what swears are. Frequent swearing, references to crotches, describing pensis as arms, pissing yourself, masterbation, porn, etc. Teenagers are often vulgar but not like this. It's supposed to sound like it's been written by a teenage boy, but it feels more like a weirdly sexual small child. Completely unrelatable. At many points it tries to be poetic, but it tries TOO hard to be poetic. The little "chapter" things were it's just a blurb about science stuff is pointless and slightly pretentious. The book near the end explains why it's in what's basically a boys journal. But the explanation is just totally annoying and weak. The ending is a non-ending and that's mildly infuriating. There are many parts that are freakishly sexual: Every. Single. Interaction between Space boy and another male that he isn't related to is filled with sexual stuff. Everything is sexualised. Being dead? Sexualised. Getting electrocuted? Sexualised. Paint? Sexualised. Mirrors? Sexualised. Even a damn trash can lid is sexualised. Dear author: see a sex therapist. 

Some more quotable sexual shit: "Wearing a grocery bag as underwear, covered in hickeys I couldn't explain" that's someone's fetish probably. "Ejaculated a chorus of baby angels from every pore of my body" look another fetish. But why babies? That's just fucking creepy. "You used to love when I jumped you in the showers" with the circumstances this is both extremely sexual and complete horrifying. 

Now for characters: The characters are all really messed up, half of them are walking embodiments of stereotypes, one dimensional and unrealistic. It would make more sense if all the characters, save for one character (not the main character), were the aliens. Since they don't behave or think like real human beings. Diego is the only half decent or half enjoyable character. When he behaves like a regular teenager would, the main character thinks the behaviour is psychotic. Funny enough I figured Diego was an alien desguised as a human the minute he was introduced in the book. Partly cause he seems like a real human person (and no one else does) and partly cause he thinks the world's worth saving. I would have far preferred the book to have been about Diego, he's a character that would have been genuinely interesting to read from the point of view of and he's the only one who isn't one dimensional. Audrey has the occasional cute moment but she's a completely broken mess of a person. It would be fitting for an adult but not for a minor, specially when that brokenness is her entire character. Further she seems to only exist as a crutch for Space boys emotional blame of Jesse's death. Space boys mom has only one real moment of humanness and it's all about a damn mirror. Also, Apparently the main character doesn't have fingers? Or the wording is god awful. This is mentioned only once and never affects anything. 

Some completely unrealistic or wtf moments that aren't spoilers: Sorry but A gay boy isnt able to hook up with 3 different boys in the span of a few months in the middle of Highschool while also being consdiered the biggest freak and loser in the school. "Teenage boys who are dead probably can't masturabte" wtf " it made me sad to think about Jesse stuck in the after life, lonely, frustrated, and unable to get off" WTF. "He believed in Jesus" "but he believed in Meth more" wtf. I like this line but still. You don't tell your basically boyfriend you big secret but you imdeiatily tell his family the minute they ask? That is beyond stupid. 

Some other things: There's no build up to the whole suicide thing. Just oh yeah and Jesse hung himself so his advice is shitty. But from then on the main character is practically obsessed with Jesse killing himself. "Books are for ugly people" really? Really? Fuck you to then. I never want to see the word "tut-tutted" again. I also never want some to say "eat the bacon" in reference to lover ever again.

Finally the cover: the cover hints to some things that happen in the book however due to the whole "we are the ants" premise, it renders the cover lazy. The number one thing any one relates to the idea of alien ubduction and be "like ants" is the sky. But the cover isn't horrible. 

Over all: do not read this book, it's horrible and not a good time. If I hadn't gotten to read this book for free via Riveted, I would be furious at my self for spending money on it and I would be destroying the book. If you take this book to heart and really get into it you will come out miserable, pissed off and a little bit more screwed up.